#I'm getting exhausted just writing this
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how do I tell my sister that I don't really like her current boyfriend without seeming like a hater like,,, something about him gives me the ick.
From what I've seen, he's constantly starting petty arguments and being melodramatic. My sister is no saint either, but he's lowkey gaslighting her into thinking she's the damaged and insane one in the relationship. At least from my perspective.
I just don't have a good gut feeling about him idk And obvi I can't outright tell her because they've only been dating for 3 months and are still very much in the honeymoon phase.
He just seems like an exhausting person to be around idk
ETA
I love my sister but she's also the type of person who's unable to stay single for longer than 4 months very wild from the perspective of someone who's chronically single (maybe my unwillingness to put up with stuff like this is the reason idk)
#.whispermoth#like I'm sorry your dog vomited on the carpet and you had to clean it up but to give my sister the cold shoulder#because she sent ONE laughing emoji??#idk man#like the dude is still in contact with his “problematic” ex#but gets annoyed when my sister makes a JOKE about doing their best to still date until Christmas so she can give him a gift#I'm getting exhausted just writing this
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A Wild Battinson (Social Media AU)
Part 43 (Masterlist)
(Part 44)
Me, to myself: I just think the series was better when I posted several times a week because the pacing felt more natural, and it translates better when people binge it.
Also Me, holding two jobs and a bat: If you try to post once a day again, I will disconnect your head from your shoulders—
@bruciemilf guess who’s back
Anyways, folks! :D So I'm thinking of a new upload schedule where I spend a bit preparing the next ten or so parts then post it all in two weeks? I think that would be fun (and much better for my creative process.)
I’ll be posting the next part very soon :) But it's going to be drastically different from what I've done before. Let’s see if anyone can guess why.
Yada yada don’t die LOVE Y’ALL
#also since I posted so much more I felt less guilty putting filler stuff in because you'd get more tomorrow#but NOW that feels like cheating because you waited a whole week (or three months whoopsie) even though when I look back at the older parts#-the filler bits were always the best#also the lore is just exhausting sometimes#I'm not writing the MCU here I need to calm down#I'm literally rereading my own series five times trying to think of more cute filler because that's CLEARLY what I'm missing#and pictures of him#I'm running out of pictures of Robert Pattinson it's finally happening#pray for me#a wild battinson#battinson#bruce wayne#batman#the batman 2022#batman 2022#the batman#dc universe#dc#battinson needs a hug#gotham#soft bruce wayne#gotham city#only in gotham#gothamite#social media au#social media
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forgotten fox ficbit
With Palpatine's dying breath, he curses Fox to be Forgotten.
(Fox isn't really bothered.)
---
There was a personnel transfer authorization sitting in Marshal Commander Thorn's crowded inbox.
He didn't remember requesting a fourth commander. The Guard was in desperate need of one following Thire finding Palpatine's wrinkled ass dead in his office, and the ensuing shitshow about the former Chancellor being a Sith and also controlling the war from both sides. Interim Chancellor Organa was incredibly competent and parsecs better than their previous natborn overlord, but even he was being swamped by the uproar in the Senate and the peace talks with the Separatists and the doubled amount of assassination attempts and the petabytes and petabytes of datawork--
Thorn couldn't remember requesting another commander, but he also couldn't remember the last time he slept.
Commander Vertex stood calm and at the ready on the other side of Thorn's desk, all-black helmet tucked under his arm as he waited patiently for Thorn to remember how to read. His hair was stark white, and there were vine-like scars wrapped around his neck that disappeared down into his blacks. The remnants of Sith lightning, Thorn knew, now that they'd been briefed on what that kind of thing looked like.
Vertex's file was sparse, mostly redacted, and marked him as coming from the Special Operations Brigade, which Thorn could entirely believe.
"This isn't part of an investigation, is it?" he blurted, brain-to-mouth filter entirely gone after five too many cups of caf and an inadvisable number of stims over the past month. "The Guard was already cleared of suspicion involving the former Chancellor's death--"
Vertex held up a hand. Thorn's mouth snapped shut.
"It's not," Vertex said, his voice firm, reassuring. There was something about it that made Thorn relax, as if his beleaguered hindbrain knew that the other commander had everything under control.
Spec Ops troops were amazing.
"The GAR is just reallocating resources given the recent upheaval," Vertex continued. Thorn nodded along like that all made sense. "I'm here to help with anything you need."
The word 'help' triggered a sudden burst of manic hope in Thorn's chest, and he lurched forward across his desk, grabbing Vertex's free hand in both of his own. The commander didn't even blink at the sudden movement, calmly meeting Thorn's wide, desperate eyes.
"Can you--" Thorn struggled to keep from sounding like he was begging, which he definitely was. "Can you do datawork?"
Vertex's sigh was entirely exasperated, and the roll of his eyes oddly, familiarly fond.
"Yes, Thorn. I can do your datawork."
---
Pt 2
#tcw#tcw fanfiction#commander fox#commander thorn#forgotten fox#yes i may have blacked out and word vomited forgotten fox bon appetit#basically reality is warped a little and everyone forgets fox even if his impact/actions were still there#the idea is the pov would be a little confusing and the changes hinted/explained over time#will i get around to writing more?#magic eight ball says 'lol'#thorn isn't dumb he is just exhausted#like 'i need sleep so badly i'm going to CRY' exhausted
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Blood sugar levels (Patreon)
#Doodles#ISaT#Siffrin#And implied Isa and Mira from offscreen but it's fine lol#Kinda sorta spoilers in the tags be warned#Man these poses were fun to draw - hand poses and body and ah <3 Fun!#This was one of those comics that came to me pretty much fully formed and then I had to do it - it was very fun which I'm very glad for!#Probably the funnest were the first - third - and fourth panels :D#The way their cloak falls around them ah pretty <3#That big spooky eye hidden under the brim of their hat <3#That one was really fun to edit too :D Writing [FAILURE] elsewhere on the page and then overlaying it :) Fun!#I wonder if Siffrin would die of starvation faster than normal due to the [redacted]#And since that would kill him it'd make him loop back - even tho it's also somewhat powered by food?#It's curious! I like it :)#I imagine his innate magic also powers it somewhat but hmmm recursive#Not that he died here anyway :) One of those fun ones before Loop spells it out for him :)#I have to wonder if All those loops we don't get to see are mundane hmm ♪ How many of them are forced out of Sif's mind so we as the player#Will just never know ♪ I suppose we'll never know! Haha#The exhaustion of having to keep his body running it's really the depression simulator#Sif :( They're gonna worry about you anyway!#It's amazing what our minds just refuse to process when we're in The Sads™ haha
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Spoilers for Simulanka Day 3
There's a conversation that I've had with friends from time to time about the fact that the world of Teyvat is, at its core, incredibly kind. Shockingly so, even for most fictional stories that aren't directed towards children. Even though the traveler has faced many antagonists on their journey, the people around them have always banded together to overcome those challenges. Even when people are hurt it's very rare for anyone to die, and many of the antagonists in question aren't pure evil and have their own reasons for taking the actions they take. They may not always operate on the same morality as the traveler or the player, and they might not be "good people", but they still believe that what they have to do is right, or at the very least necessary.
To put it more simply, Genshin is filled with characters that are made to be liked. Not every player will like every character, but very few of them are actively trying to work against you, and even when they do there's still something there to like. Except for like, Il Dottore, but he's likable for how unlikable he is (I have to say that or my Dottore enjoying friend will be sad lmao).
I got to thinking about this when playing the last part of Simulanka because it was a reminder of how, despite the kindness that they've been shown by Teyvat for the past three and a half years, the traveler's morality is still shockingly black and white in many situations.
We see this the most in how they interact with the Fatui. The Fatui, particularly the Harbingers, have cause a lot of damage in the past, but a lot of the grunts are just ordinary people following orders. the commission line in Mondstadt with Viktor, Golden Apple Archipelago 2 and The Chasm come to mind for times when we've interacted with Fatui grunts in a way that really humanizes them and shows that a lot of them really are just people doing a job. Some of them have just been surveyors or low-level guards, but the traveler and Paimon treat them like they're cartoon villains until proven otherwise (and sometimes even after proven otherwise).
The way that they acted towards Simulanka Durin before the party gave him their blessings also seemed to reflect this, especially in comparison to the other party members. Wanderer was obviously the most sympathetic to Durin, since his memories were like looking into a mirror for him, but Nilou, Navia, and Kirara all stepped forward to give Durin their support while the traveler was still showing doubts. They were thinking about how the residents of Simulanka might not forgive Durin, or how his form was too big and scary to coexist with everyone, which was an incredibly unsympathetic outlook even though they were ultimately able to change Durin's form.
It honestly reminds me a lot of how the traveler treated Scaramouche/Wanderer in Inversion of Genesis, like he was a person to be kept the company of only out of necessity as a means to keep him under control, even after Nahida said that she trusted him. Even though something did go wrong at the time, it still showed that the traveler's suspicion and distrust of Scaramouche was strong enough to outweigh their trust of Nahida, despite Nahida having proved herself many times to be wise and worthy of trust in the past. That mistrust and even disdain for him even carried over into when he reappeared with no memories, as the traveler was forcefully adamant that he needed to reclaim his memories and atone, to the point that it seemed like they were being a little bit mean about it.
It's arguable that Scaramouche deserved that treatment, since he was kind of a little shithead who caused a lot of harm in the past, but the traveler was also witness to how deeply he was hurt and manipulated in the past, and therefore would have some kind of understanding of why he turned out the way that he did.
Despite the traveler's usual helpfulness in Simulanka, Nilou, Navia, and Kirara all feel like contrasts to them. Nilou's whimsical outlook and positive mindset allowed her to grasp the magic of creation and even gave her the initiative to try and change Durin's form with magic in the first place. Navia is used to taking care of "the little guy", as it were, through the Spina, and was therefore willing to listen and empathize with the toy people who didn't want to undo the power of prophecy. (With those guys also being called "conservatives" or a "conservative radical" in English, that doesn't really have a good connotation depending on your political leaning, but Navia listened to them anyway). And with Kirara, while I haven't played her little sidequest yet, the description of her outfit described how the little cat burglar stole and returned the emotions of the cats that they hadn't been given when they were created, casting her in the role of someone who can understand the balance that anger, sadness, and pain bring to happiness.
The three of them, as well as the Wanderer, all carry Teyvat's fundamental kindness with them, and it was then coaxed out of the traveler only when all of them had already stepped forward.
It made me wonder if this is some kind of lesson that the traveler has to learn before reuniting with their sibling, that they need to be more willing to put their trust in people, or at least be more understanding of others. While the abyss twin hasn't divulged too much of what they've learned yet, they've made it clear that there are lessons that the traveler needs to learn about the world before they reunite. While that likely has a lot to do with various truths about Celestia and the sky being fake and all that, perhaps they're hoping for their sibling to learn that at least in Teyvat, sometimes people who cause harm to others are simply trying (or have tried and failed and lost hope) to find a path towards co-existing with others.
Since the abyss twin is supposedly born of Teyvat as well, perhaps they've already understood that part of this world from the very beginning and are waiting for their sibling to catch up.
#genshin impact spoilers#genshin impact#navi gets meta#lumine#aether#wanderer#scaramouche#durin#Usually when I'm writing the traveler I try to give them morality that's a bit greyer#But it's also fascinating to look at how they act in the game itself#Because honestly it's just kind of exhausting sometimes#Like Lumi you've met so many people by now you think you'd be less of a doubter#I was hating on Paimon a lot for this quest for being utterly whimsiless#But the traveler could use a bit more whimsy too#Or at least positive thinking#The fact that genshin's world is filled with so many well-meaning people will never not be fascinating to me#I kind of doubt that it's a fact that will ever be acknowledged by the narrative#But as the player it's so interesting to examine
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Question for you! What makes Nero an appealing character for you specifically as a creator? I love to hear people's thoughts on their fictional bebes :]
I love writing his kind of characters. I love love love portraying flawed mindsets, bad behavior born from insecurity, characters who have tunnel vision and anger management issues, straight up selfishness, greed, desperation, struggles to fit in with kind and considerate people. Not saying Nero has all of these, but I love musing about these characters the most. Which honestly sucks because there's this ridiculous and loud mindset going around calling these characters out, and their writers with them. It's ILLEGAL to enjoy morally grey characters, god forbid they're villains, and man it's so tiring to see. Sometimes it feels like baby sensory videos are the only safe media to consume.
BUT on the topic of Nero, I just get him. I get his train of thought, and while I don't agree with how unfair and offensive he is, I get where he comes from and where the anger stems from. He's the easiest character for me to write. There's a lot to him that is still unexplored in the comic, I can't talk about that. But those parts of him are very important. I also really like his design, he's a joy to draw.
#ask#nero#writing a story from a villain's point of view is something I'm very interested in making but I instantly get exhausted even thinking about#some of the comments it would garner.#that hasn't stopped me yet though#i just don't really look forward to posting what I'm cooking on my freetime
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((hey guys!!!))
((just wanted to make a little announcement that the blog is gonna go on hiatus for bit! During this time I wont be making responses for any questions unfortunately.))
((Just need a little break from Eri to focus on some other things at the moment! He will be back though! 🕺))
#eridan ampora#homestuck#eridan ask blog#((Eridan is a snowbird and leaves when it gets too cold lol))#((which it is here…..very chilly))#((anywayy I hope I'm not disappointing anybody! 😩))#((i just need to mentally step away))#((this blog has been my main focus for months and Its taken up all my mental energy#((almost becoming exhausting :())#((constantly thinking of replies#((what to draw#((feeling bad about not responding to people#((critiquing my ability to write/draw etc))#((anyway….yeahhhh just gonna….step away so I don’t go crazy lol))#((thank to everyone btw for all the support and sweet messages 🥺❤️. even if I never replied#((i promise I saw it and it means a lot))
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I'm so immersed in my jason grace new rome uni fic that I'm studying ancient roman law terms using this as an excuse. help.
#I'm COMMITTED fr#I become smart just for these fanfics i swear. i thank the fanfic and fandom community for my thirst for knowledge 😮💨✨#I also remember listening to latin asmrs and learning latin words for reyna and jason :) I need help fr#i hate how I feel the need to want to know EVERYTHING tho 😭 like why do I have to overthink everything#I'm not sure if I should include ancient roman law or common law for jason tho#or he could just learn both as separate classes. the roman law can come under the history category#so he has to learn a bit of everything#political science criminal law economics history civil law corporate law banking law#I'm tired. law students I have always had nothing but respect for you#I won't go TOO deep into what he's studying in the fics tho like I won't mention his lessons in the fic every 5 mins#prolly just him doing presentations and projects then and there#bc like if I go too deep in then I'll get into a writing slump again#bc info dumping is EXHAUSTING it would feel like a school assignment not a fic#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#pjo series#jason grace#pjo hoo#pjo hoo toa#annabeth chase#leo valdez#piper mclean#frank zhang#hazel levesque#jason grace x y/n#jason grace fanfic#jason grace x you#jason grace x reader#࿔‧ ֶָ֢˚˖𐦍˖˚ֶָ֢ ‧࿔ elora's PhD in overthinking
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Good morning.
A very kind follower let me know that my clones art has been stolen and reposted, again. This time on Tiktok.
So here's a new version of my art. It's called: "Apparently putting 'Do Not Repost' on the art 4 times + in my bios of every social + FAQ isn't enough, so how's this?!"
I'm feeling very defeated and exhausted.
I just finished filing a DMCA yesterday. This new art theft version already has more views than every like/note on all versions of my art on all of my socials COMBINED + multiplied. This art was only posted a few days ago. I'm beginning to deeply regret drawing it.
Art thieves getting views and likes does NOTHING for the community. Imagine of those likes/comments/followers had come to me, on any of my socials. Think of how excited I'd be to connect to new folks, how hyped I'd be to draw more.
(how maybe, just maybe, someone official might one day notice and it might lead to more😭)
I don't think I've hit 10K likes on ANY art I've ever posted on Twitter in 8 years, and certainly nowhere near that on Tumblr in a while. That's ok, I understand that's due to my own lack of skills, which is why i work hard daily to improve!
But ART THEFT DOESN'T HELP. This person did NOTHING but stress me out, make me regret sharing my work, and take away valuable time and mental energy from me producing more work. And I promise you, they will not be able to make my art for you.
Don't worry, I'm not just complaining about it. I've filed a DMCA (tho gosh TikTok's form is WEIRD, really hoping it worked🥲)
But please. If you see an art theft account, please don't give them views & likes. Someone else worked hard on that. They could really use your support.
Anyway, here's the link to my art on Tumblr. On my account. Since, y'know, I drew it.
#YukiPri rambles#art theft#idk i'm just so tired and sad and wondering why i worked so hard what's the dang point#yeah this is from my twitter thread bc i'm too exhausted to write it again this ate all my spoons and then some#yeah u may be wondering aren't u used to this why are you complaining#because this art literally went up days ago and i almost died marathon working on it for an entire goddamn week#because i still feel exhausted and then this fucko who did absolutely NOTHING is just like hehe look at how many views i'm getting!#and i am just. yeah. exhausted
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i just want you guys to know i'm writing the silliest fic rn. just truly so ridiculous
#been slowly getting back into the writing groove#the semester ending made me realize how exhausted i was so i'm letting myself chill and get back into some reading i've been neglecting#of Real Life books not fic‚ altho i'm still browsing the tag every day hehe#just taking it easy and having fun#op
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discovered "Decora Girlz" dolls at Walmart on Black Friday every single day I think about how this one is going to be Wednesday after living with Enid for three years when she graduates lmfao
also i have only managed to write 30k this week due LIFE and it's not been nearly as productive as i had dreamed
#little layla things#i'm just a girlwho loves dolls okay#and a fanfic author who is more tired than she realized because the fandom is exhausting#and it's making me not even want to write because my eyes are sore from rolling them all the time#i don't know why i keep getting geared up and wanting to participate when every time i do it's just ---
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Oh hey since it's butchtober i wanted to say that since I started bodybuilding (ten whole months ago holy shit) i have felt the best i ever have. Like one of my other posts, I rlly do see me in the mirror and it's great.
I do have some bad days and i have had bottom dysphoria (i've started packing and it's helping! I'm learning a lot and it's been really interesting so far.) But it's all okay in the grand scheme of things bc I'm getting there y'know. These are just milestones.
Anyways uhhh anything at all that you can do to help make your body feel like a home is worth it btw. Anything at all. As long as it's safe, pls try your best if you can. It's worth it.
#butchtober#i only ever see hornyposts for butchtober and/or selfies and I'm not comfortable doing either of those things so I'm just making an update:p#i wrote this in the middle of the night i am exhausted but i wanted to write this#it rlly is worth it guys pls try whatever you can to make you feel more comfortable#whether it's bodybuilding getting a haircut painting your nails getting surgery doing ur makeup or buying a pair of secondhand boots#do it#it's real. it's worth it#butchposting#dykeposting#butch dyke#baby butch#black butch#trans butch#genderqueer butch#butch positivity#butch lesbian#bi butch#butch
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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I’m confused by what you mean when you say that Lestat was “cast out of the house” after the drop in 1.05, as this is not what the show tells us. Lestat left of his own will — he wasn’t thrown out. He beat Louis half to death and then ran away, as evidenced here — “Lestat had disappeared after that awful night. Vanished out of a profound sense of shame he would later confess to” (Louis, 1.06). Louis was in no fit state to throw anyone out of anywhere: as mentioned previously, Lestat had just beaten him half to death.
Apologies if I’m misinterpreting, but in instances like this you seem to paint Lestat as a somewhat of a victim — poor Lestat, banished from his house by his uncaring, domineering husband — when in actuality he was anything but a victim. He was the aggressor, the perpetrator of horrific intimate partner violence, and so to twist the narrative to imply that he was hard done to leaves a very sour taste in my mouth.
Another instance of this is in your Byronic Hero post, where you suggest that Louis “decides when Lestat gets to live at Rue Royale”, in reference to him being “one of the monsters who’s controlling the household”. We’re talking about someone that has just spent months recovering from a brutal attack by their partner; Lestat chooses to not return because he is ashamed and he knows that Louis has not forgiven him. Louis is not forcing anything on him — and he certainly doesn’t have the power to keep Lestat from RR.
Can you understand why assertions like these are problematic? I understand you wanting to explore the push-pull power dynamic between L&L, but in doing so you seem to be missing the essential through-line in 1.06, which is that Louis and Claudia cannot leave while Lestat lives. Any power they may have once held is overshadowed by Lestat’s absolute control of the household, so to place Louis on level with Lestat as “one of the monsters controlling the household” is at best misguided, and at worst displays an unsettling disregard for victims of IPV.
(x)
I mean, with all due respect, anon, you're responding to a series of tags I wrote last night that I specifically said I would later clarify and better articulate, so I'm not surprised you're confused and yes, you are misinterpreting me (again, I suspect, as I think you may have sent me asks like this before). I've been clear for months now that the drop is a singular act of violence on this show, and it's not one that I'd ever diminish or underwrite, and as a result, this feels like a pretty bad faith read of something I've both spoken about already and explicitly said I would be talking about again soon. Instead of paying me the respect I extend to all of you by giving me the time to reply in the way I've signalled I would, you've used my tags to make assumptions about what I will say and frankly made some pretty unkind accusations as to my character.
It takes me time and energy to write up replies, particularly replies on this sort of topic that require greater attunement, sensitivity and nuance than others. It's something I do for free, and at the sacrifice of other things in my life, and it's something I do with my name attached, unlike anons. And look, I enjoy doing it - I do - but if you follow me, you should know that my sister - a survivor of recent IPV and her two small children are currently staying with me, after I was a witness in her courtcase against her ex-husband in October - real people, not fictional characters - something I've also been open about, and so you telling me that I have an 'unsettling disregard for victims of IPV' feels like a particularly cruel thing to say to me right now.
I will answer the other anon's ask, as I said that I would, but I'll do it in my own time, and in the meantime, I'd ask that you perhaps don't put words in my mouth or mount arguments to things you yourself say you are confused about or feel you could be misinterpreting. I'll clarify, again, as I said that I would.
#i'm not mad anon but i do want to be firm about this just because i've felt this spiral in other fandoms#but also full disclaimer i probably won't respond to that ask today now#just because this exhausted me a bit#i will say though i've never said louis and claudia cast him out#i said he was cast out#i think he cast himself out#but louis and claudia pointedly don't let him back in#like it's literally a huge part of the episode#he respects that line#it's his house#if he was the singular aggressor and controller you're painting him as what's stopping him from forcing his way back in?#louis doesn't have the power to keep lestat from rr okay#sure#then why isn't lestat living in the house for literal years?#what does that tell us thematically?#what does louis throwing lestat's coffin from a window mean?#what does it mean when louis stabs him and bites him and drags him from his mistresses house?#why don't they replace lestat's coffin in the house at rr?#they leave the damage so they don't forget the damage#but symbolically all that does is tie louis and lestat closer together#they sleep entwined in louis coffin#which is dented from where louis smashed lestat's face into it#these aren't real people these are characters and the decisions they make are deliberate writing decisions#intended to reveal character theme plot#louis IS one of the monsters in the house#does that undo the horror of what lestat did to him?#of course not#and that should never be undermined#but louis DOES control the household alongside lestat#he chooses when lestat gets to come home
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i have. too many things to do.
#and of course what i WANT to do is write fanfic and read the ten different books i want to read and make art just for fun#and also be a couch potato and watch youtube videos for a couple hours with no guilt#but i was sick for a week and that's a week's worth of missed classes and homework i'm now trying to catch up on#in addition to new stuff#and i was already falling a bit behind in a couple classes because they don't have enough structure for me#and like. i'm managing. i'm getting stuff done.#but it's exhausting to know that tomorrow when i only have to go to one class i will be spending all day on homework#....i need to not tell myself that. i need to build in space for breaks or i will burn myself out#i do not want to be at risk of burnout in the first month of school with an intentionally very low courseload#this is just. so frustrating and stressful#and i'm coping. but i wish i didn't have to#vent#school stress#stars rambles#i am somewhat grateful that needing something to wind down from homework with has made me excited to write fic for the first time in months#but the downside of that is that i do not have enough time right now
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#I've been EXHAUSTED these last few days#Ontop of commission work I also have shifts at my job room redecorating and doctor appointments#My anxiety med dosage may have to be altered but I won't know until a few days from now#and whats worse is I have all these amazing ideas for drawings but I can feel burnout approching#We also just celebrated my brothers bday and it's making me feel guilty for still living at home#Pretty much everyone who was in my class at Primary has moved out from home and drives#But I know I'm not in the right headspace or emotionally ready to move out#I don't have a support network and I know mentally I'll struggle#and I feel like shit cuz I still haven't posted anything writing wise and it's just UGH#It's been a lot#Fear of getting older and feeling like you're wasting your life with silly doodles hits rough#Idk I think I just assumed I'd be better at this whole thing in general#life balance and career wise#I'm also just anxious in general about work cuz a co-worker I don't like might be there#Vent#Palette talks#random#Liv
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