#I'm genuinely sorry about the length of this rant

[ananxiousgenz]

okay now that I've had a night to sleep on it I just wanna take a minute and go absolutely buckwild over john doe in part 26 bc like. I was expecting the "I will not let you drown" line. I've seen the fanarts of it floating around, I knew that was coming. what actually fucking killed me was the second I realized john was reciting a robert frost poem to calm arthur down. and not just any robert frost poem, one that has been quoted over and over again, usually by arthur. that made me start SOBBING bc like.

this inhuman entity, who around 4-5 months prior, wanted arthur and the rest of humanity dead just because he had power and could kill them. learned so much from this broken mess of a man. learned about stories and poetry and music and mysteries and compassion and love and fell in love with all of it so deeply that it permanently changed who he is and how he sees humans and the world they live in. changed him so much that when he saw his friend crumbling under the weight of his own grief and guilt, chose to not only comfort him, but chose to comfort him with a poem. a fucking poem. when john has been so deeply invested in the stories and poems he's heard from arthur. he heard one that he liked enough to memorize and to keep close to his heart. and he chose to give it back again when his friend needed it most. to reach a hand out to arthur with a thing he loved and tell him he's heard. he's not alone. but he needs to keep going. most human action imaginable. do you think arthur ever recited that poem to john? to keep him calm when he got scared and lashed out? and that's how john learned it? and it brought him enough peace and comfort that he figured it would help arthur too??

literally the only equivalent I can come up with for this moment is something I saw once a long time ago. so my mom was sick. like really sick. normally she's a power-through-a-cold kind of person and she was laid out on the couch, so she wasn't doing great. and our dog, who was a lot younger then, knew something was wrong, and clearly wanted to make her feel better but didn't know how. so, she got her favorite toy, and gently shoved it into my mom's mouth. a kind of "I don't know how to make you feel better, so here's something I love and I hope it helps." it was one of the sweetest things I've ever seen. and it wasn't that the bone itself helped, it was the act of giving it that made everyone feel a little bit better. and that is what happened here. it's not the thing that john gave, even though it is significant, it's the fact that he chose to give it.

nobody talk to me for the next 5 business days, I'm going absolutely insane

[france-unofficial]

huh, I guess when you look at it in a different perspective the myth aligns itself differently. the amount of love drama in greek mythology could fuel a 600 season romcom. its honestly kind of ridiculous tbfr, but without the love drama almost all of the greek myths/characters/etc wouldn't exist today

yes, that's also true... its honestly intriguing how schools only teach about medusa being the terrible, villainous gorgon that cruelly caused death with her gaze, not what actually caused her to be the said gorgon. compared to what other gods/goddesses/mortals have done, shes done nothing.

I feel so stupid for literally asking for permission like an elementary school student needing to use the restroom, but could one of y'all please just ask me for my thoughts about Greek Mythology? I really want to go on a rant about how I think it was viewed at the time and would actually like to get into an intellectual conversation about it, but for some reason my brain is having a crisis and I would feel really bad if I went on such a rant if nobody asked or nobody cared.

[weirdsht]

Another yapping session lol, I haven't done this in a while. Omfg tho, I didn't mean for this thing to be as long as I made it. I'm sorry shfgsidfhsfjgsdlg

By clicking read more you will be subjected to novel spoilers and my messy long rant about LoTCF. This is your warning.

I've thought about this for a long time but LoTCF is a fix-it novel. Not sure if someone thought about the same thing or if they have talked about it yet. But I've felt this way ever since I read about Kim Rok Soo's life.

After realising what he went through and just how hard his life is made me realise why he does the things he does. Why he has such a mindset. Why he values the little things other people would not even think about.

It made even more sense after hearing how he was collateral damage from the White Star's curse. How he can't hold the things he deemed dear close to him as he will always be bound to lose it. To lose them.

Lastly, it made me realise why the novel seems all sunshine and rainbows in the long run. Sure, there are angsty moments. Some moments and arcs made me bawl for weeks on end. Made me feel as though my heart was being ripped out of my chest (Looking at you earth lore). However, at the end of it all everyone on Cale's side is okay. It's like watching one of those old-school shonen animes where you know everyone will save the day with the power of friendship.

And I know I'm not the only one who noticed that. I saw a lot of discourse about how the series would be more interesting if someone actually died. If a lot was on the line. Something like ORV.

And omg does it piss me off so much.

Because once again LoTCF is a fix-it novel.

It's a novel about starting again. About Cale finally being able to hold and protect the things dear to him.

That's why it wouldn't make sense for him to lose more.

Plus, I genuinely think that if he loses one more thing important to him (non-material ofc) that would be his last straw. He has already been through so much. And it was because of something he didn't even have a clue about. Something he essentially had no business with if White Star just wasn't a greedy mfer.

I think some people also forget or doesn't realise the fact that this is also Cale's last chance. Like Ron and Choi Han who has lost their families several times and deemed their new group as their last chance. Their last family.

It's the same for Cale.

He already lost his biological parents. He already lost his brothers.

He can't lose his new family too.

That's why no one can die.

Despite that, as a reader, I am scared though. Scared at the lengths he's willing to go to protect his family.

Because this man has no self-preservation skills despite him always saying he has no plans of getting hurt or dying. I mean, I can't blame him for not knowing his worth. His life has been shit. He always had to go above and beyond to try and grasp the things he wanted only for them to still slip away from his fingertips. Like he's trying to collect running water with open palms.

And until now, even without the curse, he does the same thing. Because it's what he's used to. Maybe he subconsciously thinks that if his efforts dwindle a little he'll lose everything again. Not fully comprehending that it's fine now. That it's okay for him to breath a little.

Anyway, my point is I'm scared that at some point Cale will try to protect everyone and everything at his own cost. Will try to convince himself that he will be fine when he won't be. I mean I've already heard spoilers from book 2 and heard that's what seems to be happening right now.

I'm just scared that a point will come where Cale won't be able to come back from the decisions he makes in the name of protecting his family.

[etherealfishyfeelings]

Synastry Notes: Sun/Moon

Disclaimer: these are just my personal experience with sun moon aspects in synastry. This is also essentially a rant.

Another Disclaimer: the conditions present in the natal chart such as signs, aspects and house placements can radically alter how one person experiences synastry aspects from another. As well as how developed someone is. I have moon conjunct mars and squared to chiron and widely squared to pluto personally. And it's in the 12th house. Please keep that in mind, I really don't like things poking at my moon. Also I am very sorry that this was so long. I did not think that I really had this much to say.

The Conjunction: I have a love/hate relationship with this one. I thoroughly enjoy being the Sun person in Sun/Moon aspects in general. But with the conjunction as the Sun person I really tend to feel strong sense of protective care over the Moon person. I tend to take their emotions very seriously, it may not show up that way though since its in Aquarius but internally I feel a very strong pull to ensure their comfort and support their emotional needs. However, as the Moon person, i don't really tend to like it. All that attention on my Moon in the 12th? Ew. I feel really exposed and I often feel like the Sun person just seems to have no comprehension that they are trodding all over sacred ground. It isn't all bad though, I often feel like the Sun seems very accepting of who I am(no matter how weird or wacky) even if they do kinda feel like a bull in a china shop. I find that they usually do mean well, and they tend to be very good listeners, I feel very heard when talking to them about my feelings and thoughts.

The Opposition: Also a love/hate relationship I love being the Sun person but I genuinely loathe being the Moon person here. As the Sun person it feels very similar to the conjunction, I take the Moon persons feelings very seriously and go through great lengths to give them comfort and keep them entertained. Lots of gift giving?? Now that I think about it. Like LOTS OF GIFTS now that I'm really thinking about it. However there were times where I really felt like I was missing the mark and I didn't really get the Moon persons reactions to things. On the other hand as the Moon person, just no. I felt like the Sun person constantly rained on my parade, and they often required me to explain myself, like a lot(Virgo vs Pisces at its finest). I felt very judged and boxed in. Very uncomfortable for me, and for them from what I could see.

The Square: This one really depends. As the Sun person(in Aquarius) here I really tend to struggle with Scorpio and Taurus moons. They tend to find me fickle and I really, I mean really struggle to understand their emotional needs and even the ones I do sort of understand are so foreign to me that I am left baffled anyway(like I get it, but I don't get it. Like I get why doing XYZ is nice for you but I would never do that for 6 hours day, especially if I was ???sad???) and any attempts I make to have fun or do anything really are usually seen as threats to their person security. This aspect is REALLY loud for me. Especially because I have Saturn in Taurus. It's almost like I am uncomfortable with how uncomfortable I seem to make the Moon person just by being me. And if you live with them it's basically arguments galore. And getting a lot of the silent treatment. When I'm the Moon person it's sort of better, mostly because it's between mutable signs. Gemini and Sagittarius are light enough in their demeanor that I can ignore most of the friction but this also means that their Sun Squares my Mars and its very evident here, esp with the Sag suns. Like waaay more evident here than in the opposition for some reason. Like there is a general sense of interest in just meandering through the world together, like it's quite explorative in the physical world and in thought but most of the Sagittarius Suns that I've interacted with said they thought I was a bit of a bully(and I quote, "Do you even care about anything? Why do you always have to be so rude? And loud?") and too aggressive for their liking(I did ask why every time, I never really got a clear explanation so I cannot confirm the exact reason. My interaction with Sag Suns generally tend to be goofy and nice if it's kept short but long term its just goofy and confusing). And the Gemini Suns were great, had a lot of fun with them but ultimately it just fizzled out after many of the big clashes between us became evident. Overall as the Moon person the aspect wasn't too loud. But I prefer these two signs as moons signs.

The Trine/Sextile: actually pretty neat? Like both ways, especially with the trine. Takes me a while to notice the serenity of them but when I finally do take notice, I am hooked. Being the Sun is similar to being the Sun in the conjunction, just far less intense and more playful. And this is the only Sun/Moon aspect where I thoroughly enjoy being the Moon person. I love how light and almost airy it is, even when I'm dealing with a Scorpio Sun. Which seems crazy but it really works fine.

[velvetvexations]

I did not mean to sleep all day. Here all the non-kink asks in my inbox lol.

Does a little dance. People being weird about transmascs on here has messed up my self perception so bad im not actually sure of my own gender anymore, yayyyyy

Fuck that anon, if you're man that rules. Being a man is awesome. You don't need anyone else's opinion to affect who you are, there is no bad gender.

just saw someone acknowledge trans men are often lumped into female spaces due to bioessentialism but then turn around and say that thats proof that trans men arent oppressed. lol.

People act like being let into the Woman Club is the one and only goal of being trans and it's so fucking annoying.

Ngl I still don't understand why femboys are a "transmisogynistic caricature that can't be reclaimed by transmascs" according to some people. Do you have any insights on this because I genuinely can't understand, femboy sounds like gnc boy culture and in my own experience, maybe transfems before they come out occasionally identify as femboys. Idk is it like, someone with an outwardly feminine appearance being a guy? Because that's why I like calling myself a femboy.

Some people think femboy started as a transfem thing because they're idiots who don't know shit.

hey if catboy is ubiquitous and having nothing to do with crossdressing why did Jerma crossdress when someone drew him as a catboy???

Because catboys are allowed to do that lol. Taking one example of a crossdressing catboy to mean catboys infringe on transfem copyright is wild.

Hi thanks for letting me vent to you cause I am at work and can't properly process my emtions otherwise rn. I've been otherwise generally in a slightly emotionally fragile place and then I just got an awful review for my first actual order from a stranger on Etsy. And like I know logically that it's not the end of the world and I gave them exactly what they ordered and it's not my fault that they measured wrong or didn't take my advice and size up a little for fit etc etc but no one else will know that and I just got started selling craft stuff and it's just a hobby and it sucks that this person clearly expected something that wasn't what they paid for (my prices are low cause it's a hobby sorry I don't have super professional materials that would make my stuff cost double) but it's really fucking me up and I am trying not to like cry at work because of this and it's so stupid. This was just my first purchase online that wasn't from a friend and I was so excited and they hated it and didn't even send a message or anything about the length (that was exactly what they asked for by the way) not fitting before leaving a review. It just fucking sucks and I wish my brain didn't react to the most minor disappointments/shows of dislike with the I'm going to kill everyone in this room and then myself meme as first response Thanks for listening. It really helps to be able to vent this somewhere <3

I'm really sorry anon, that sounds so frustrating and hard to deal with. I love you so much. <3 I know you do great work and I hope it goes better next time.

Having NPD sucks, lmao, sorry for the rant ahead. I have to remind myself that the 'mark' on shinigami eyes doesn't actually mean anything, but it's hard sometimes because it's still a stain on my reputation. :( some people will see that and take it at face value, forever associating me with the filth that is transphobia, and I can't do anything about it. I appreciate the people who actually know what a transphobe is going out of their way to remove that mark, but it's a losing battle against a bunch of buffoons who think catgirls are transmisogynistic. sometimes it's really hard to pretend that it doesn't bother me at all, because it's highly insulting for me to be associated with the things I literally fight against. What an insult to my legacy and efforts to even bother to care about other people, you know? I don't HAVE to take time out of my day to do activism, I could just not bother to care at all, but I still try. I deserve praise, not this bullshit😭

I'll praise you! Thank you for fighting against transphobia. <3

All this catboy talk. Wanted to say hi as a catboy. Meow :3

Nya~!

My prediction for TRF discourse in 2025: closeted, non passing trans men shouldn't wear skirts or other traditional women's clothing (even if they don't want to and literally have no other choice) because they're MEN and men wearing women's clothes is obviously always transmisogynistic

All trans men are transmisogynistic because they grew up mocking transfems by wearing women's clothes.

some of this discourse is just so fucking wild i cant believe this is something people are taking so seriously. sipping my tea from the sidelines as a chubby catboy therian lmao

You have a cooler head than I.

iirc the "catgirls are transfem" thing started happening around the time Ferris got popular as a character because, if I'm correct, Ferris actually is transfem (coded?) and following that some people just decided The Aesthetique belonged exclusively to transfems now (also you're so so so so based for loving Schrödinger I remember first seeing him in like 2007 and wishing I looked exactly like him)

Schrodinger is my secret fifth blorbo. I'm obsessed with him. I think about him constantly. High five.

als catboys are only white passing in the way that people love to say anime characters are white lmao (aka cant conceive of the fact that anime characters are actually light skinned Japanese). not to say anime doesn't have a colorism problem but They Are Not White and its racist to say otherwise

lol yes exactly

I might be really stepping in it here, but tangential to catboy/catgirl discourse, I'm starting to get really uncomfortable with how the cutesy moe-blob yuri is treated as "trans lesbian culture" these days? as though none of it was ever straight guy fantasy shit? as though it's ideal representation instead of another vector of impossible beauty standards? idk, maybe I'm just being way too touchy. 😬

It's fine if something becomes emblematic of transfem culture but you just can't pretend something was always transfem when it blatantly wasn't lol

you got marked red on shinigami eyes and i havev no idea why

My smoke too tough, my swag too different, my bitch too bad.

juggalo here. we don't want them.

Devastating.

For what it's worth, the "cats transforming into people" thing is probably based on the bakeneko, yeah. The "bake" in "bakeneko" means "transforming", often with the implication of transforming into people (like the better known bakedanuki and bakegitsune). The popularization of cat-people in anime probably came from Neko-Musume from Gegege no Kitaro (the anime behind the "youkai boom" in modern Japanese culture), who is a half-bakeneko.

Fascinating.

(Dif anon) "leading one to wonder what transphobia they think trans men do face" 99.999% sure at this point we're at "trans men experience misgendering... maybe...?"

Well that doesn't count since everyone wants to be a girl, an idea that I believe has universal appeal because I'm a self-centered moron.

You're awesome <3

Thank you anon. <3

I didn't realize I was trans from yaoi but I did largely realize it from memes about traps and accidentally stumbling across largely transfem subreddits via a anime memes despite being transmasc so. Great amount of respect for our yaoi soldiers.

Hell yeah!

[singularattitudeofasafetypin]

If you wanted me, you really should've showed

Masterlist

Summary: Eddie is head over heels for Reader but there’s one slight problem. Her boyfriend, Adam. Despite this, Eddie tries to settle for being a good friend instead but when Adam gets possessive, Reader has to figure out what she really wants out of a relationship.

Word Count: 7k

Warnings: Bullying, insecurity, controlling mildly threatening boyfriend.

A/N - Inspired by this scene from the Princess Diaries II, and a song my dad listens to that I don’t know the name of. I had fun with this one, I hope you enjoy it!

Please don’t steal my work

It was no secret. Eddie Munson was in love with you!

He wasn't shy about showing it either. Many a weekly rant on social conformity was interrupted to proclaim you the prettiest, cleverest girl in Hawkins, always accompanied by a deep bow and a dazzling smile. He held every door for you with that same love-sick smile plastered across his face. Handwritten notes and slightly crumpled flowers were a common occurrence but never failed to bring a rosy blush to your cheeks. Head over heels was an understatement.

There was just one small problem.

'Hey- I uh… I was thinking… maybe we could go out tonight?' Having run the length of the hall to catch up with you, Eddie struggled to keep his breathing steady. At least he told himself that was why. His arms were folded to keep his hands from shaking. He’d been psyching himself up for this all week! 'There's this new milkshake place opened at mall and then I thought we could watch a movie together or something. Kind of like a date? But it doesn't have to be if you don't want!' He garbled the rest, cheeks bright red and his voice quavering slightly.

Your face fell, heart aching with the answer you had to give him. 'Oh Eddie,' the least you could do was make it easy for him, 'I'm so sorry, but I-'

'Hey babe!'

An arm slung around your shoulders and your boyfriend pulled you in for a kiss. He shot a dirty look at Eddie when you broke. 'I was coming Adam,’ you reassured. 'I was just...' you looked back at Eddie with apology written in your expression.

His eyes flicked between you, taking in the green jacket emblazoned with a tiger Adam wore. It didn’t take long to put two and two together. 'You know what? Don't worry about it!' he tried to smile but it didn’t reach his eyes and he stumbled over his words. 'I'll see you round!' And with that, he spun on his heel and walked quickly away.

'Was that freak bothering you?' Adam demanded. He didn’t care that Eddie was still within earshot.

'Don’t call him that!' you frowned, an awkward sensation twisting in your tummy. 'We were just talking!'

Adam shrugged, ignoring your reproach and steering you in the opposite direction. He chattered on about the next big game and the huge afterparty that was planned. You nodded and agreed at intervals but his words washed over you.

You couldn’t stop thinking about the heartbroken look Eddie had been unable to hide.

*

You didn’t stop thinking about it all weekend!

He'd looked so crushed. There wasn’t anything else you could have said but still, you'd have liked to let him down a little more gently.

Walking into school on Monday, you were greeted by cheerleaders coming out of practice, a novel experience for you. Since Adam had asked you out, the cheerleaders had started paying you more attention than you liked. They were friendly, you supposed, but it didn’t feel genuine. Before Adam noticed you, you were a nobody. You belonged to no particular group and didn’t have many friends. Now all of a sudden, they cared? They treated you more like a pet. The poor, ill-fated girl lucky enough to be made holy by the hands of the basketball team. Still, you couldn’t help but feel obliged to them.

You made your way to your locker as they trailed behind, gossiping amongst themselves. You fiddled with the combination and felt a pang of disappointment. There would be no note from Eddie this morning. Until they were gone, you hadn’t realised how much you relied on them. Perhaps it was selfish but those few scribbled words of encouragement had always brightened an otherwise cloudy day.

It was to your surprise then, as you opened it, a carefully folded piece of paper tumbled out and fluttered to the floor. You recognised the familiar spiky scrawl instantly. Eddie's handwriting traumatised his teachers but you could read it like a second language.

Unbeknownst to you, Eddie watched from across the hall. He smiled to himself as your lips curved softly upwards. Of course, you had a boyfriend! He'd been stupid to think you wouldn’t! At least he knew he hadn’t screwed things up between you by being foolish.

'The world is lucky to have someone as tender hearted as you!'

You folded the note carefully, moving to tuck into your bag when a sharp, shrill voice startled you.

'That freak isn’t still harassing you, is he?'

Jessica Vaughn, captain of the cheer squad and self-proclaimed Queen of Hawkins High sported a look of pure disgust, 'Doesn’t he know you have a boyfriend?'

Your skin crawled at the cruel insult uttered so casually. 'He knows,' you mumbled, ducking your head and clenching the note protectively in your fist.

'Oh honey!' a fit of giggled ensued, 'He must think he can win you over or something!'

A few of her friends joined in, their voices dripping with faux sympathy and disgust interchangeably.

'Oh, you poor thing!'

'As if you'd ever choose him over a member of the basketball team!'

'You shouldn’t lead him on,' one advised, 'He might get the wrong idea!'

'Yes, you shouldn’t let him think he's got a chance!' Jessica giggled at the thought as the bell rung. Nobody saw you wince at their words.

You made your way to homeroom in silence, letting the crowd pull you along while you tried to make sense of your predicament. Sure, you weren’t about to dump Adam, but for all their cruelty and arrogance, they were right about one thing. You shouldn’t lead him on.

It wasn’t fair.

You made up your mind to talk to him in English. The two of you sat next to each other in the back, but how to say it consumed your thoughts all day.

'Hey, Eddie?' you whispered, keeping an eye on Mr Boushebel so as not to get caught. Eddie looked over the moment he heard your voice, his adoring smile unknowingly twisting the knot in your stomach tighter.

'Yeah?'

'I want to say thanks... for the note this morning! Thank you for all of them really...'

'You're welcome!' he beamed like nothing had changed.

You sighed and grimaced. Why did he have to make this harder? 'It's just, I'm with Adam and that's probably not gonna change anytime soon... and I don't want you to think I'm leading you on or anything-!'

'I don’t think that!' the swiftness of his reply caught you by surprise, and so did the honest reassurance in his eyes. 'Look,' he leaned closer, keeping his voice low as he fiddled with the silver rings adorning his fingers, 'I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable the other day. I'd really like to stay friends if that's okay with you?'

'Oh no! You didn’t...'

'Mr Munson!' Mr Boushebel’s nasal voice rang clear through the room, 'Kindly refrain from distracting your peers and focus on the lesson at hand!'

Eddie made a show of apologising earning a disapproving eyeroll as the teacher turned back to the board. You couldn’t help but laugh as he rolled his own eyes, slumping back in his seat, but behind his antics, he was still waiting for an answer.

'Yes,' you whispered and Eddie's smile softened. ‘It’s okay!’

*

More or less, things went on as they had.

Maybe it was selfish, the relief you felt? You weren't infallible; the attention was nice. A nice change. You contented yourself with the fact you'd been honest with him. He knew where he stood, if he still wanted to be kind to you, who were you to stop him?

Whether you admitted it or not though, things were different now. You hadn’t exactly bandied it about before, but now you found yourself taking care the girls you were supposed to call friends didn’t know about the continued affections you received from Eddie. You took to pressing the flowers he gave in the back of your notebook instead of threading them through your hair or the buttonholes of your cardigan. Instead of drinking in the thoughtful compliments he wrote, you stuffed them into your pocket, waiting until you were alone to read them and feel your heart lift.

If Eddie noticed these small deceptions, it didn’t deter him. Every morning, without fail, you were met with a posy of handpicked wildflowers and a few heartfelt lines observing some hidden jewel of your character.

Some of them bordered on poetry.

*

Things weren't exactly unhappy with Adam. Unsure perhaps? Indefinite?

To tell the truth, he was your first real relationship; you were still getting to grips with exactly what that meant. Everyone else seemed to understand. Why couldn’t you?

Most of the jocks and cheerleaders you sat alongside were paired up together. It was rare for them to venture outside of their group for a partner; you were an exception so you tried to follow their example.

Frankie was always perched on Chase’s lap, her arms around his neck, fingers trailing along his collarbone while his rested on her waist. That felt a little bold for you but you tried to sit as close as possible, opting to rest your cheek on his shoulder but he didn’t seem to notice.

Every time you saw Becky, she and Ryan were locked in conversation. What they spoke about was a mystery to you but both seemed to be consumed. As the general chatter lulled, you took the chance to try the new approach.

‘I’ve been reading this really lovely book Adam! It’s called Little Women and-!’

‘Wow, boring much?’ Jimmy Davis cut you off without a second thought. ‘You aren’t gonna bring all that nerd stuff over here, are you?’

You couldn’t speak. With a simple look, all the confidence was knocked out of you. He turned to Adam and laughed, ‘Next thing you know, she’ll be bringing her homework to lunch!’

Tears pricked in your eyes as Adam laughed along with him. Their discourse resumed like nothing had happened. You blinked them away. No one saw.

Jessica and Tony were all over each other. Making out in the hallways, feet touching in the aisles of the classroom. His hand always seemed to be somewhere near the hem of her skirt. It was still early in your relationship and you weren’t completely sure you wanted that yet, but it was worth a try. You tried to reach out, to shower him in affection the way the other girls did but almost every time he brushed you off. Pulled away and scowled as though you were inconveniencing him.

So instead, you fell silent. Ate your lunch with your head down and gave affirmative answers when a question was asked. They took no notice.

Your eyes tended to wander over the other tables; people-watching had become a habit during lonely lunchtimes. More and more often, you gaze came to rest on Hellfire. They were always animated and lively, often talking over each other in their excitement but never leaving any member out.

Unconsciously, your attention was drawn to their leader. He was no stranger to conversing loudly himself but you noticed how quickly he stopped to listen. The way a brotherly fondness fell over his features whenever one of the younger ones spoke and he sat forward to hang onto their words.

Perhaps that day a kindly angel was looking out for you. As you stared over at them, your head propped up in your hands, something made Eddie turn his head and his eyes met yours. Under anyone else’s gaze, you would have looked away quickly, pretending to find interest in the floor but you didn’t. He offered a soft smile and, in that moment the world blurred around you. It was like there was no one else in the room. Instantly you felt better, heart lighter. You couldn’t help but smile back at the silent reminder you weren’t alone.

‘Helloo?’ Jessica waved her hand in front of your face, breaking the spell and bringing you crashing back down to earth. The whole table was staring at you, teasing smirks warping at many mouths. ‘What’s the matter with you?’

You tried to brush them off, forcing yourself to shrug despite the heat burning in your cheeks. ‘Nothing, sorry, what were you saying?’

Frankie was looking behind her, craning her neck to see what you’d been staring at then leaned in close with an expression of sordid delight on her face, ‘You aren’t sweet on the freak are you?’

‘What? No!’ you protested as they erupted into giggles. ‘I was just daydreaming that’s all!’

‘Is he still sending you love letters?’ Jessica asked through hysterical tears.

Adam pricked up at this, ‘What?’ His expression turned from confusion to anger in a matter of seconds. Jessica stopped laughing.

‘You didn’t know?’

‘It’s nothing, I promise!’ you hurried to explain, guilt nagging in your tummy as you downplayed your interactions to reassure him. Your account seemed to assuage him and soon he too fell to teasing you while you tried to laugh along.

*

After lunch, you walked with Adam to class. His arm seemed tighter around your shoulders than normal; it was probably just your imagination. As he dropped you off at your classroom, one of his friends piped up, ‘We���re still on for extra practice tonight, right?’

The boys all replied to the affirmative and surprise hit you when Adam joined them. ‘I’ll be there!’

‘But I thought we were going out tonight? We planned it a week ago!’ you’d caught his hand but he only shrugged, pulling out of your reach.

‘Sorry babe! We can do it next week or whatever!’

‘Adam, you said you’d take me home tonight!’ Your house was an hour’s walk away.

He was losing patience now, ‘Just wait around!’ he snapped, ‘I’ll take you after practice! It’s not that big of a deal!’

And then he walked away.

*

You sat in the hall, back against the lockers and long since abandoned homework laid out in front of you as your eyes devoured the pages of ‘Little Women’ searching for solace. School had ended almost two hours ago. The lights were starting to hurt your head.

Somewhere down the corridor, a door opened and a flurry of excited voices broke the silence.

‘No way did you include a secret passageway!’

‘I did not see that goblin hoard coming!’

‘Can’t wait to see what happens next week Eds!’

The small gaggle passed by and Eddie caught sight of you alone. He quickly excused himself, promising more plot-twists and epic battles before making his way over.

‘Hey! How come you’re still here?’

You brightened instinctively at the sound of his voice. ‘Adam had extra practice,’ you explained. A look of impatience flashed across his face. Just for a moment, then it was gone. Eddie stuck his hands in his pockets and smiled.

‘Well, Hellfire’s done now; do you want a lift home?’

You hesitated. You did, you really did, but Adam would go ballistic if he found out. ‘It’s okay, he won’t be too long!’ You hoped.

Eddie nodded, sitting down beside you, ‘Can I wait with you then? Far be it from me to abandon a fair damsel to solitude!’

You nodded, laughing along at the funny voice he put on. You had no idea how glad Eddie was to make you smile; his eyes never left your face. Sunshine seemed to spill from every pour.

‘Tell me about your book!’ he requested, tucking his legs up and settling back against the lockers.

Forty minutes later, the doors to the gym swung open. Perhaps practice had gone badly. Perhaps he’d missed the last shot or coach had been especially tough that night. Adam had forgotten all about the teasing at lunchtime but when he rounded the corner and saw you sitting with Eddie Munson, when he saw him making you laugh and smile, it all came flooding back. Harmless jokes transformed to threat and trespass. You never smiled like that for him. Pride gave way to rage.

‘Back off Munson!’

His voice made you flinch. Eddie jumped up, taking a step back as Adam barrelled down the hall, spitting venom. He was angrier than you’d ever seen him. You stumbled to your feet, stepping in front of your boyfriend, hands stretched out, hoping to calm him down.

‘Adam, what are you-?’ he caught you, his hand sealing around your upper arm and jabbing a finger at Eddie.

‘She’s my girlfriend, freak! You stay the hell away from her!’ His fingers were so tight they began to bruise your arm. You tried in vain to subdue his fury but that only seemed to rile him more. ‘Crawl back to your trailer where you belong, trash!’

Eddie stood silent; his mouth half open like he wanted to say something but thought better of it. He glanced at you, a wordless apology heavy in his eyes, then walked away without a fight.

You breathed out.

Adam glared after him ‘til he was out of sight before he released you and stormed off in the other direction. For a split second, your heart was torn. Then you scrambled to pick up your things, stuffing them into your bag and running after him.

‘What the hell was that?’ The cold night air hit your face as the double doors swung shut behind you. Adam scoffed at the question but didn’t stop. ‘Why are you being so mean?’

‘What was he doing near you!’ the fury in his tone made you falter. He’d never sounded so cross.

‘Nothing!’ you were nearing the car. Clutching the bag on your shoulder, you stumbled over to the passenger side. ‘He just asked if I needed a ride and we were talking! That’s all!’

‘No! He’s trying to get it on with you!’ Adam jabbed a finger in your direction as he yanked the door open.

You almost laughed at the accusation, following suite and throwing your bag in the footwell, ‘Don’t be ridiculous! He was just being nice!’ He pulled his own door closed with a slam. ‘You don’t have to get so jealous!’

‘Jealous?’ That was the wrong thing to say! Adam was seething, ‘Of him? Of that freak?’

‘Look, Adam, I’m with you! It’s harmless, I promise!’ your own anger sparked, ‘Why don’t you trust me?’

He wasn’t listening. ‘You tell him to knock it off or I will!’

You hesitated. The look in his eyes was one you’d never seen before. Something like fear stirred in your chest. No, not fear! You pushed that thought away, he was your boyfriend, he wasn’t going to hurt you! But in the same second, you realised who he would hurt.

You swallowed, as he backed out of the parking lot faster than normal. His hands gripped the steering wheel so tight they turned white.

Neither of you said a word on the way home.

*

‘I’m sorry Eddie-!’

‘You don’t have to be sorry!’

The sounds of the cafeteria echoed down the deserted hall. Eddie sighed deeply, ‘I’m sorry!’

He knew this would happen eventually. He should have left you alone the moment he found out you had a boyfriend. Sure, it would have hurt, been unbearable even, but now you were mixed up in it all too. Now you would have to untangle the mess he’d made; manage the tempers he had riled.

‘It’s okay,’ you gave him a small smile, ‘You’ve been so kind. I’m grateful, really!’ You paused, ‘I just… I know what he’s like and I really don’t want you to get hurt!’

He smiled wryly. Eddie knew what the basketball team were like too and while he’d gladly withstand any punishment they decided to inflict, he didn’t want to cause you more pain than he already had. The time for dreaming was done. He nodded and left with all the grace and pleasantries he’d always afforded you.

He hoped you didn’t see the heartbreak in his eyes.

*

Life went on.

Gone were the notes and trinkets in your locker. No longer brightened by secret smiles and whispered compliments, the world turned grey.

You tried to pretend as if nothing had happened. As if clouds hadn’t blocked out the sun, as if all its warmth hadn’t drained away. He was never uncivil, never unkind, but now the two of you existed on different plains. Without Eddie, a gaping hole had been left behind and now you had to find something to fill it with.

Constant surveillance became the norm. It seemed Adam was always watching you somehow. From the corner of his eye at lunch, one of his teammates moving next to you in a lesson, or a cheerleader looping her arm through yours.

Try as you might, in the beginning you couldn’t help looking up when Eddie walked in. He hardly ever ate in the cafeteria anymore and when he did, he was silent. Picking at his food while his friends tried to pick up the pieces on their own.

Adam was quick to notice and settle an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer and shooting a look which told you his patience was wearing thin.

You tried instead to listen to the conversations at your own table. The cycle was endless. Gossip and sports and who was going out with who. Whose social suicide would make the headlines today. It was mind-numbing.

You ought to be grateful really. People dreamed about this life. Popularity, fame, and all the rest of it. You sat among kings and queens, had earned the honour of their interest. Adam had given you all this. Most girls would kill to be in your place. You were indebted to him.

Time went on, each day more soulless than the last.

Adam began to be more affectionate, or at least put on a convincing performance for everyone else. He must have sensed people thought there was trouble in paradise. Doubt would not be tolerated.

It started out as small things. His arm dropped to rest around your waist for instance, holding you snugly against him. Things you might have enjoyed in the beginning, but now you couldn’t shake the idea that he had some ulterior motive.

One day, you were walking down the hallways. Arm in arm, and actually talking for once, only about Adam’s hopes for the basketball season, but it was a start, when out of nowhere, he pushed you up against the lockers and started kissing you with a force. One hand on the side of your neck, tangling itself in your hair and manoeuvring you with ease.

After the shock, you tried to kiss back. Maybe this meant things were alright again? Maybe this meant you were forgiven?

His other hand trailed down your ribs, slipping deftly under the hem of your shirt. ‘Adam, stop!’ You broke away in surprise, pushing on his arm, ‘We’re in school! You protested.

And just like that, he stopped. Turned and carried on walking without explanation. Without a word.

Confusion flooded your mind as you smoothed your shirt and glanced around to see if anyone else had witnessed his strange behaviour. Searching for an answer to such violent yet fleeting passion, you felt your stomach drop at the sight of a familiar leather jacket disappearing around the corner.

‘Oh,’ you thought, guilt and shame burning in your cheeks.

That was why.

*

It was late one Saturday night. Lamplight enveloped your room as you sat alone in the warm, comforting glow. A tangle of emotions weighed on your heart.

You and Adam had argued earlier. These days, it seemed all you did was argue. He’d insisted you come to some big party this evening.

‘I just don’t feel up to it!’

Everyone would be there, but you were tired and really didn’t feel like being around a bunch of drunk teens groping each other while Adam tried to convince you to go and make out upstairs.

‘Why do you have to be so boring?’ he’d complained, ‘It’s just a party!’

‘I’m not going! You go ahead if you want to!’

He’d left in a huff, muttering under his breath and you biked home by yourself. Were relationships supposed to feel like this? You wondered all the way home. You didn’t exactly have a wealth of experience to draw on. Somehow you didn’t think Jessica or the other cheerleaders would give the advice you needed.

Love was hard. So many people had told you that. It’s not like the movies. You sighed; was that all that was wrong? Were your expectations too high?

A tap on the window roused you from your thoughts. You jumped, half thinking you imagined it but there it was again. A sharp, swift tap like something hitting the glass.

Swinging your legs off the bed, you crept over and pulled back the curtain just in time for a third pebble to hit the pane a few inches from your face.

You flinched, then leaned forward, searching the darkened street for the attacker. Shadows and streetlights outlined a figure wincing at the indignation on your face. ‘Sorry!’ they mouthed.

Fond astonishment bubbled up and you pushed the window open. ‘Eddie?’ you whisper-yelled. Were you dreaming?

He beamed up at you, dropping a handful of pebbles and throwing up his hands in defence, ‘I know! I know you said to knock it off, but I have to show you something!’

‘What?’

He motioned, ‘Come down!’

You leaned back into your room and glanced at the clock by your bedside, ‘It’s eleven fifty-one, Eddie!’

‘I know!’ he nodded impatiently, ‘We’re gonna be late!’

You sighed. You really shouldn’t, but one look at his hopeful expression made the decision for you. ‘Alright!’

With many complaints and a few close calls, you climbed down from your window. They definitely made this look easier in the movies! You jumped the last few feet and Eddie grabbed your hand. He’d parked his van a block over and held the door as he helped you in.

‘Where are we going?’ you asked, but he only laughed.

‘You’ll like it! Trust me!’

So, you did.

Eddie drove quickly down the deserted streets, constantly checking his watch. He was expert at maintaining an air of mystery. For once the radio sat silent, limited conversation between the two of you filling the space.

He pulled up on the outskirts of town, stopping at the base of the hill. Weathertop, as it was affectionately nicknamed by the nerds. Eddie hopped out, getting your door. Once you’d jumped down, he rummaged in the back and pulled out a blanket and what looked like three couch cushions. At your obvious confusion, he flashed a smile, shifting the bundle in his arms so he could offer his hand.

‘Come on!’

The climb was steep, almost pitch black away from the houses and streetlights. Your only guide was the vague silhouette in front of you, hiking with a spring in his step and leading with the warmth of his touch. Nervous excitement mingled with curiosity.

What was his game?

‘There!’ Eddie flapped the blanket, spreading it on the summit and arranging the cushions with meticulous care. He nodded his head expectantly.

‘What?’ a bemused smirk preceded a hesitant giggle at his antics.

‘Sit down!’

You sat, tucking your legs and waiting eagerly. Eddie’s eyes were fixed on his watch, his fingers crossed behind his back as you stared at him.

‘Three… Two… Look up! Now!’

Your head jerked upward; adrenaline triggered by his frantic tone.

But nothing happened.

Puzzlement seeped in. It was a pretty night, beautiful even. Away from civilisation, the stars were a little brighter than normal, the moon full and ghostly full but that was all.

‘Come on��� Come on!’ Eddie bounced on his heels, praying silently and trying not to lose hope. Just this once! Let me have this one!

You sighed, gaze falling back to him, ‘Edward Munson, if you’ve brought me out here for nothing-!’

‘No, look! Look now!’

He pointed.

You followed.

And all the breath left your lungs.

Out of the darkness, out of the midnight sky came streaks of bursting light. First one, then another, and another. Then a thousand!

Slicing through the firmament like papercuts, drawing bright white blood then fading to nothing.

You shot to your feet, craning your neck as far as you could and laughing in pure, open-mouthed delight!

They kept on coming! Daubing the night with silver and pearl for almost five minutes before the flow stemmed as suddenly as it had begun. Starlight faded leaving you in darkness, breathless with awe.

You looked back at Eddie. A crescent smile stretched over his face, ‘Did you like it?’

‘Like it?’

You laughed, giddy and weak at the knees. You stumbled closer and threw your arms around him, ‘Eddie, that was wonderful! Wonderful!’

He laughed with you, hugging you as the sound reverberated through his chest. Then as if a switch had been flipped, he pulled back, suddenly apprehensive. ‘There uh… There might be some more,’ he said, rubbing the back of his neck, ‘… If you wanna wait, I know it’s late!’

You beamed, ‘I want to stay out here all night!’

He smiled.

Side by side, in the comfort of the cushions and each other’s company, you watched the night sky as its contents danced and glittered. Between showers of falling stars, you laughed and talked with ease, cutting each other off with a yelp of excitement when more appeared.

Somewhere around two am, you glanced back at Eddie. It took everything in you not to gasp.

The bright stars sparkled in the reflection of his eyes. Twinkling and shining an endless brown nebula with some with some ethereal power. There was a whole universe inside of him and you got to catch a glimpse!

You stopped watching the sky after that.

*

As the night turned chilly, Eddie’s jacket found itself draped around your shoulders. The conversation turned deeper and more meaningful than anything you’d experienced in months.

Over the course of the night, you’d moved closer. Mere inches existed between you now but it wasn’t until, on the verge of sleep and against your better judgement, you laid your head on his shoulder that his arm settled around you.

Gently. Loosely so you could pull away whenever you chose.

The veil of tiredness thinned as you observed that it was always like that with Eddie. Always making sure you were perfectly comfortable before he made a move.

Not like Adam, the admission tasted bitter. Adam whose hands wandered every chance they got. Who kissed you when he liked then shunned you with no explanation. Who brushed you off with ease. Who cared more about keeping up appearances than resolving actual problems between you.

The familiar churn in your stomach resurfaced. You pulled away from Eddie feeling suddenly guilty. He was your boyfriend! You shouldn’t be making comparisons like that…

Shouldn’t you?

‘Why are you doing this?’ the question was unprompted, but you needed to know, ‘All these nice things, why are you still doing it?’

Eddie gave a crooked smile, trying to hide how much he missed the closeness. ‘I think I’ve made it pretty clear it’s because I’m in love with you!’ You didn’t look away, so he had to. Your searching eyes and the late hour threatening to pry the truth from his lips. ‘And because…’

‘Because what?’

Eddie fought a battle in his heart. He shouldn’t interfere, he had no right! It wasn’t his place. If he did, he could lose even the fleeting moments he was allowed with you. He couldn’t risk ruining what was left by opening his big mouth.

But you wanted to know… and he couldn’t deny you anything.

‘Can I say something?’ he managed, struggling to find the words. He laughed a little, ‘And you can totally slap me and tell me to get lost if you want!’

You breathed a smile. He never missed a chance to put you at ease. You nodded.

He paused, breathing deep. He had to get this right. When the words came, they were plain and simple.

‘I don’t think he’s good for you!’

Silence. Eddie thought his heart might beat right out of his chest.

‘Oh?’ your voice came out thin. You didn’t sound surprised. Maybe you shouldn’t have said the next words. Maybe you should have turned around and gone straight home. Or maybe, more than anything, you needed to hear his answer. ‘Why not?’

Eddie let out a breath, wetting his lips nervously. ‘You don’t smile when you’re with him… Not really! And he doesn’t notice when you’re faking it.’ Once he’d begun it was hard to stop. Until now, he hadn’t realised just how much he’d pent up. ‘He doesn’t do the things a boyfriend should! He doesn’t listen to you. He doesn’t even think about you unless you’re standing right in front of him! Unless he thinks he might lose you…’

He stopped himself. You hadn’t moved, your eyes staring through him as you listened. The words stung but you knew in your heart they were true. Tears began to blur your vision.

‘I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to-,’ he reached for you hand then dropped it with a sigh, ‘This isn’t a ‘dump him and date me instead’, I swear, I just…’

It was maddening. He wanted to hold you. The sight of your pretty eyes glistening with unshed tears was too much to bear. He wanted so badly to draw you close and comfort you properly but he knew he couldn’t.

‘I just think you deserve someone who knows you deserve the world!’

There it was. Out in the open.

Your breath hitched slightly. No one had ever said anything like that before. It was like you were seeing him for the first time. Away from the insults and expectations at high school, away from the cruelty and the caricatures. All this time, he’d been right here in front of you. Out here in the twinkling starlight everything was clearer. Why hadn’t you noticed before? You wanted to say something though where to start, you didn’t know. Before you could open your mouth, Eddie spoke.

‘Come on,’ he dropped his gaze nodding to the sky. ‘I think that’s the last of them.’

Eddie got to his feet and collected the cushions. You rolled up the blanket, a sense of reluctance tugging on your heartstrings. Neither of you spoke as you wandered down the hill. Eddie helped you into the passenger side and started the van. The ride home was silent. The sky above beginning to lighten.

He drew up to your house, hopping out to open your door one last time. He held your hand as you stepped down. You didn’t want him to let go.

As you looked up at him, a thousand thoughts revolved in your mind. A million questions you needed answered, a million more things you needed him to know, but a whispered, ‘Thank you!’ was all that came out.

Eddie looked at the ground, a small smile twitching at the corner of his mouth, ‘Thank you!’ he echoed.

You shrugged off his jacket, handing it back as the early morning air bit at your bare arms. He took it and for a moment you stood together. Neither of you wanted to go first.

‘I’ll see you Monday?’ he asked tentatively, looking at you through his eyelashes.

You nodded, a shy smile gracing your lips,

‘See you Monday!’

The walk to your front door was lonely and cold but hope’s bright spark flickered in your heart. You weren’t afraid anymore. You knew what you wanted and you had the strength to go after it.

You didn’t look back. You didn’t see Eddie watch you all the way up the path then slowly raise the jacket to his cheek. The fabric brushed against his skin. You didn’t see him sigh and smile as he breathed in your scent.

*

Your heart was pounding; palms sweating. You made your way through the crowded hallways, silently hoping your resolve wouldn’t crumble.

You caught sight of him crowded around his locker with his friends. With a deep breath, you started toward him. You couldn’t change your mind now.

‘Adam, I think we should talk!’

Your boyfriend rolled his eyes, reluctantly pulling his attention from the conversation he was immersed in, ‘What now?’

You bit the inside of your cheek, praying for the strength to stand your ground. ‘I mean in private.’

‘Oh, come on babe! It can’t be that important!’

Just like that. Like you were a nuisance. A mild inconvenience he was forced to live with. Well, who were you to burden him?

‘Fine!’ you retorted, tact and empathy worn thin, ‘I’m not happy! This isn’t working; I want to break up!’

The group fell silent. Shock and horror covered every face but you couldn’t care less. Adam’s expression morphed from amusement to surprise, then outrage. ‘What?’

You folded your arms, forcing yourself not to quail under his gaze. ‘You heard me! I’m breaking up with you!’

In one swift movement, he seized your arm, pulling you away from the others into an alcove. ‘What the hell are you playing at?’

‘I’m not happy!’ you repeated, shaking yourself free from his grasp, ‘You don’t care about me! You won’t even talk to me unless it’s about sports or parties! You ignore me and then get mad when I make friends with someone else! You don’t want me, you just like the idea of having someone on your arm! Well, I don’t want that! I’m done!’

Adam was seething. ‘This is because of him, isn’t it? That freak, Munson!’

‘No, you aren’t listening!’

‘I’ll kill him, I swear!’

‘You won’t go anywhere near him!’ a surge of anger flooded your voice when he threatened Eddie, ‘He has nothing to do with this! All he did was make me see what was standing right in front of me!’

Fury tensed his every muscle. Fists clenched, all but frothing at the mouth. Suddenly, he looked nothing like the person you’d been in a relationship with.

‘You were nothing before me!’ his voice was low and shaking with barely restrained anger, ‘A pretty face and nothing more! If we break up, that’s exactly what you’ll go back to!’

Once upon a time, that thought would have terrified you. Perhaps then you’d have reconsidered, grovelled for his forgiveness and been content to live in misery. Not anymore.

With that threat, he confirmed every doubt you’d ever had about him.

‘I’m done Adam.’

He swallowed, a muscle twitching in his jaw. He could hardly comprehend your words. ‘Have fun being a nobody again!’ he spat, knocking your shoulder as he stalked away.

Relief hit you in the chest, forcing tears while your knees shook. There would be consequences for this, of that you had no doubt.

But for the first time in months, you could breathe easy.

*

With no one to sit with at lunch, you ate in the music room. You really weren’t up to facing the flying rumours and disapproving stares so your fingers teased a familiar tune from the old piano between bites. A tear or two slid down your cheeks every now and then, landing on the keys as you sniffed and tried to wipe them away.

You knew you’d done the right thing but somehow it still hurt. Who knew what they were saying about you in the cafeteria. You’d slapped a great big target on your back and probably Eddie’s as well!’

‘Oh, sorry! I didn’t think anyone else would be in here!’

Speak of the devil.

You stopped playing abruptly turning to find Eddie Munson standing in the doorway. He caught sight of your red-rimmed eyes and stepped closer, pulling over a chair.

‘Hey, what’s wrong?’ he asked in that gentle, caring tone only ever reserved for you.

You sniffed, giving him a rueful smile and gesturing vaguely, ‘We broke up!’

Eddie’s face fell. He cursed under his breath, ‘I’m sorry! I shouldn’t’ve… I didn’t mean you had to-!’

‘It’s not your fault!’ you shook you head and sighed. Closing the piano lid, you leaned an elbow on top, head in your hand. ‘I guess you just made me realise…’ you trailed off.

Silence fell once more and Eddie didn’t disturb it. He wished he could comfort you, banish the storm clouds and shadows but he couldn’t shake the guilt of being their conjurer. He couldn’t ignore how glad he was that you were away from Adam, and the selfish inkling that now he might finally have a chance with you.

As if sensing his torment, you managed a small chuckle, ‘I’ll be okay!’ you nodded to yourself, ‘I’m gonna need some time… a few weeks, a month maybe, I don’t know,’ you shrugged.

Eddie nodded quietly. His eyes fixed on the floor. Yours never left him. ‘But someone told me there’s a new milkshake place at the mall… I still haven’t been!’

Eddie looked up, a hesitant smile tugging at his mouth, ‘Yeah? Me either.’

You nodded and shrugged again nonchalantly, ‘We should probably go check it out… If you still want to…’

‘I’d love to!’ Perhaps he replied too fast. Perhaps he smiled to wide and looked too eager but you didn’t seem to mind.

You opened your mouth to say something but the school bell rang. It’s harsh tone signifying the end of lunch. Stuffing your things back into your bag, you slung it over your shoulder as you both stood. Now, face to face, you appreciated the warmth of those brown eyes more than ever before.

‘I’ll call you?’ you asked, suddenly unsure if you were worthy of such patient kindness as his.

Eddie fought every urge to lean forward and kiss you right then and there.

‘When you’re ready!’ He smiled. Sunshine through the clouds.

‘Maybe everything would be okay?’ you thought. ‘Maybe everything would be wonderful!’

***

Thank you for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! Please reblog and leave a comment if you did! It gives me such a boost and encourages me to keep writing when people do leave feedback!

Check out my masterlist for more of my stuff

Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl, @neewtmas, @idathereader, @ladymunson

[theflowergothic]

The people pointing out that Max should know by now that K is an awful mother, should also take into account that Max has been subjected to an unstable home life and the Jos Verstappen parenting style (which was literally abuse). The other parenting style or family M has been exposed to at length is K and her own family; neither of them being even close to decent. I'm not counting Vic into this, because it seems he meets his Mom and Vic for a few days or weeks in a year. Considering F1 is a luxury sport, they literally live in Monaco, they've nannies for P, he travels alone a lot, sometimes with K&P, or only K, and whenever there is a break, they're on vacations (or he's doing sim); it would've been very easy for K to emotionally manipulate him into thinking that she is in fact a hard-working and progressive mom.

Btw ngl I found his "your own DNA/baby is always good" comment a little unsettling.

I mean he has literally been a part of P's life for a good few years and definitely adores her. Sure he won't take any major decisions in P's life, but he would've been a little involved in her upbringing (if he was genuinely serious about K). His constant clarification that he is not her dad always had a tone like 'Well that's the daughter of this woman I am currently dating.' Did he at some point before planning a whole new baby with K, not consider her his endgame? Start interacting and getting involved in P's life as someone there to stay in her life?

His past statements and behaviour are so contradicting to the present, that he has just ended up being an unreliable source of information about his own life.

While K has numerous faults, M is also not in any way ready to be an actual parent, i.e. shaping a young mind with values, boundaries, morals or behaviours. I think he genuinely thinks what K does is actual parenting.

In the current grid, if announced tomorrow they're also expecting; I would definitely bet 3 drivers to be nurturing parents with healthy family dynamics- Charles, George and Alex.

Btw Kudos for the master list you compiled! (sorry for the long rant)

It’s all good! I think you got a lot of what people are thinking down in text.

Thank you!!!

[volkswagonblues]

JEJSJDAH HI making myself known is actually terrifying #socialanxietywhooop but here we go

I JUST FINISHED READING FIREBENDER'S GUIDE + DELETED SCENES AND OH. MY. LORD. quite literally obsessed I'm sitting here at work zoning out because it has left such an impact on me...where do I even start?

okay so I recently got back into atla because well I just started feeling so nostalgic?? and a zukka spiral later led me to your fic (one of my favorite jujutsu kaisen authors had your fic bookmarked. I knew I had to do it.) and well!!

the characterization. I'm absolutely obsessed. the way you wrote sokka as a cherry dude but he still has issues!! the depiction of said issues. zuko as he tries and tries so hard to do better even when he fails...personal favorite scene that made me giggle was when he ran back to apologize to li and lo btw cackled out loud on public transportation

but I guess what I'm trying to say is that firebender's guide, to me, feels like a really good depiction of how startlingly flawed and human we all are. like. not inherently bad but not all good, because no one is ever all good. it feels like such a good character study of zuko and all that he is since realizing only he can regain his own honor. it's just...how do I even express how lovely and raw and real it is in the best way?

AND THE WAY YOU WROTE ZUKKA. giggles. they're so!! even when they're mad at each other they have. a certain understanding. it's expanding on what we know about canon so beautifully. the gentle way sokka loves zuko while being mean enough about it because zuko just needs a little push when it comes to certain things. the desperate way zuko needs sokka but realizes that it can be gentle and fond. just. [incoherent screaming] THE WAY YOU WRITE YEARNING OHHHHH. MY.

and that's not even covering the wonderful way the plot took me for a ride. it was so beautifully crafted. I wish I could be you :") I was just as immersed in the larger plot as I was with the zukka dynamic. the worldbuilding ahdhajdj I respect SERIOUSLY respect the amount of research and dedication you put into this fic. genuinely. it all came together to craft such a beautiful picture and I'm HERE FOR IT!

anyhow. concluding what essentially became a rant. tysm for blessing the world with this fic 🙏

Hey! okay, sorry this has been sitting in my inbox for a week because it's such a lovely message and I'm so touched that someone is reaching out to me about this fic. It was my first proper, completed, novel-length fic and I wrote it during COVID lockdown when I like, jobless with no outlet at all for my mental energy.

The process of writing the fic taught me a lot about plotting--I went the screenwriter's route and used the Save the Cat beat sheet (you can google it, it's basically a screenwriter's tool for plotting out movies, which is a medium that doesn't take shaggy and meandering very well. There's an excel version for novelists here: Elizabeth Davis’s Save the Cat Beat Sheet Spreadsheet for Novels)

I didn't read this book back then, but a book that really helps with worldbuilding is John Truby's The Anatomy of Story. I think some of the best books on plotting and storytelling are done by screenwriters.

And about the fic in general--ATLA is such a beautiful show and the zukka summer of 2020 was SUCH a crazy time because everyone was so desperate for a mental escape, I'm happy it still holds up!! I love both characters. I love thinking through the moral implications of the history in ATLA's worldbuilding and playing with the fantasy rules of that universe. Thanks so much for reading and thanks so much for brightening my day by telling me about it <3

[pumpumdemsugah]

A little while ago i was made aware of this woman on TikTok called Nara Smith. She basically makes videos of herself made up and cooking elaborate meal in fancy clothes. One of those videos being her making cereal from scratch. I think some people genuinely enjoy being marketed to and having a parasocial relationship because every time i see people talk about why they like watching her videos they say, its entertainment / its a performance / im not stupid and that would be believable if they then immediately launch into a rant about how much her husband loves her. Do you know them ? How would you know that? If she had a traditional couples channel where she and her husband had hours of footage, maybe you could guess something but even then, we know that can be lie. So how do you know anything about someone that makes tiktok length clips?

You can't say she's smart for never saying anything about herself on social media, then claim you know enough of her and her husband to guess anything about their Mormon marriage being good.

She's half Black. I'm sorry, Black women sound extra pathetic when they say they like seeing someone that's essentially a walking ad space "be loved" this is her job. Mormon women do not work outside the home and we know less about her than the average influencer, get a fucking grip.

At this point, you lot want to be influenced

[yuurivoice]

Hi yv! I just wanted to send a message saying how much I love your content and I have for years. It's been amazing to see your channel grow and I'm one of your biggest fans!! I used to sub to the patreon but life goes hard and I haven't been able to for a while. The latest auron video has been practically on repeat for me and I really just wanted to say I hope you have a wonderful day and happy holidays!!! Give all the kitties a kiss on the forehead for me pls!

Thank you for the kind words! No worries about whether or not you're a Patreon sub, I certainly appreciate the support but always want people to put themselves first so don't sweat that and I hope you kick life's ass! Also, sending me a kind message is a pretty great way to support in its own right, so I'm genuinely appreciative!

The cats will most definitely be smooched, and I'll pass along a note that it's from a kind Anon!

It's been a wild few years, huh? Making the leap from the Tumblr days to the YouTube era was a big one, but the past 4 years were where I really started to find my footing and I think there's been a lot of growth creatively and personally.

Things have been moving in the right direction despite some personal road bumps and detours. Looking back, there's a lot of things I wish I could have accomplished and kept afloat while working through everything. Still dealing with the guilt of BitterSweet and Shattered not being a thing this year, particularly for all the ride or die Alphonse and Seth fans who have been starving for content while I've been hesitant to push out content for them because the big series wasn't coming.

Thankfully, most people have been supportive, kind, and understanding. That being said, I'm not ignorant to the nature of my content (growing roster of characters = someone's fave isn't getting posted for a while) and I'm doubly thankful to those who have been chill as other characters get established and have their time in the sun.

I'm really hopeful that in the coming year, balance and scheduling and planning are all finely tuned and help me avoid content traffic jams like we've run into such as the recent Charlie Era (lol) which wasn't exactly the plan, but with October AU series + Plushie + Lost & Found all aligning it sorta just worked out that way. Also, it bears mentioning that it's not every day that a side character who was not guaranteed to catch on as A Thing (TM) actually finds an audience and has significant demand. Sometimes you gotta roll with how things play out, and that's just the nature of creating content on social media.

I'm optimistic that things will be at least a LITTLE bit more balanced thanks to ADHD treatment and seeing huge improvements with my mental health. Which can't be understated, because holy shit, the amount of things I'm just able to do without feeling like I'm holding myself at gunpoint or making a million deals with myself to convince myself to do a single task is amazing.

Not only is it easier to get to work, it's easier to do more of the work. That Auron audio you referenced is a great example. I was worried with the script I had and the premise, I wouldn't be able to get much more than 9/10 minutes out of it. The length of my general audios is something I've been conscious of forever, so I was shocked and thrilled when I finished up with the recording and it was 24 minutes of some of my favorite Auron content ever. I'm getting more comfortable improvising, or creating more as I go vs. write, record, post. I'm able to do a little more, add things that I would normally omit or not bother with, and just try harder without feeling like I'm trying harder and purely because I'm enjoying it and I want to.

I am SO sorry that this turned into a rant in response to what was a fairly straightforward question, you caught me while I was feeling introspective.

tldr: Thanks for fuckin' with me. Folks like you make me want to work hard and deliver the goods. The kindness goes a long way, and I don't take that for granted!

[monmelia]

I wasn’t a huge fan of Amelia’s relationship with Kai either! I like Amelia a lot but kai was super dull to me (couldve been direction because the actor has been good in other roles). I just couldn’t buy the depth of their connection because it always felt like Kai was keeping Amelia at arms length but Amelia couldn’t tell and instead fell deep. Only for nothing to come out of it. The one time I actually felt passion between them and was during the whole London back-and-forth, which I thought was really well executed in terms of examining a central part of Amelia’s characterization

Yeah honestly I agree. I also love Amelia, but I just didn't feel Kai was the right person for her. Like you pointed out I feel like they held Amelia at arm's length which made it hard to feel like they ever shared a deep connection. It always felt to me like Amelia was all in while Kai held back, and even though Kai may have had genuine feelings, they came across as emotionally distant and sometimes unengaged. Their relationship always felt more like lust than love to me. Amelia fell hard, but Kai’s consistent distance makes it difficult to see it as anything deeper, and I think Amelia was just too smitten to see how incompatible they were long term.

I feel like Kai gave a lot of mixed signals—claiming not to want to lead Amelia on, yet they kept the relationship going, encouraging her to invest emotionally, despite always knowing they didn't want the life Amelia had. It cuts even deeper that Kai broke up with Amelia but then came back only to then end the relationship for similar reasons. Their comment about being in “different places in life” felt disingenuous, especially after how much they’d pursued her both initially and post breakup. To me it comes across like Kai wanted a selective version of Amelia that fit their terms, not a genuine, loving relationship.

They said they wanted to get to know “all of Amelia,” but they never tried to know or embrace her child. And my issue isn't with Kai not wanting kids and them wanting different things, it's with the fact Kai strung it out for so long despite always knowing what they wanted vs how Amelia's life was set out. The long-distance comment, where Kai suggested the arrangement worked because Amelia could “spend half her time with Scout and half with them,” and about how great it was that the two worlds never collided showed that despite trying to convince Amelia that they loved her unconditionally, Kai only really wanted part of Amelia, not the whole person she actually is.

And it just makes me sad to see Amelia finally trust and open herself up more to have it blow up in her face when it all could have been avoided. If anything, the relationship just deepens her abandonment wound, and the fact that Kai knew about her issues with abandonment makes it even worse because instead of reassuring Amelia, Kai accuses her of being “obsessed with being needed,” and almost uses that vulnerability against her.

Sorry I'm ranting here, but I'm just really not a fan of this relationship. They have Amelia call Kai her puzzle piece which makes sense from her perspective because she see's them as fitting seamlessly, but the truth is that Kai only wanted to engage in a particular version of Amelia's life.

For someone to be your “puzzle piece,” they surely need to genuinely want to fit into your life as a whole. Kai doesn’t complete the picture; instead, they choose only the pieces that fit into their own life’s framework, which excludes parenthood and Amelia’s need for deep emotional security. They only want the fragments of the puzzle.

The plus side of this is that Amelia got to learn more about what she truly needs in a partner: someone willing to be present and supportive, who embraces her as a complete person, and I'm hopeful she's going to find her missing puzzle piece in Monica.

Or maybe a puzzle piece isn't what she needs. Maybe the goal isn’t to find someone who fits perfectly, like a puzzle piece, filling in every gap. Instead, maybe it’s about finding someone who stands beside her —a piece that compliments her without needing to complete her, but who wants to be involved with all aspects of her life.

[rred-gaze]

Sorry if this is kind of a bother but frankly I'm genuinely quite curious what your thoughts are on Yesod, or like, personal hcs and such! ( Mostly curious since some of your other posts with Verg were very silly! And frankly it's just nice to hear ppl rant abt their fav characters n such )

oh!!! dw i like asks, esp about characters i like :] i made a LONGGG list of hcs for him when he was my #1 blorbo that i added to over the years, i’ll put that and some general thoughts under the cut

headcanons:

-transmasc he/they. super gay also

-can say fuck. chooses not to.

-he’d probably tug at his clothes when he’s nervous (gloves, turtleneck, tie)

-malkuth is his friend! (and taller than him i decide the heights now)

-ROLAND IS HIS FRIEND

-he seems to like moons (moon the the bottom of the department in lob corp, in his ruina symbol, you can see a moon from his platform)

-(based on the moon thing) likes astronomy :)

EDIT: i have learned that in actual kabbalah yesod is known to be the sephirah of lunar consciousness so i think that connection to his character is really cool

-takes good care of his hair it would be silky and sofd <3

-if he ever had long hair he’d put it in a ponytail (turned out to be true: see beta designs in the artbook)

-lob corp yesod would have to wear long gloves if he was ever forced to wear short sleeved shirts

-gets cold easier than others (i know he was a Cube so he wasn’t actually wearing them but a turtleneck under a suit?? if he doesn’t get cold easily he’d be melting :( if it were sleeveless it’d be a bit better but still)

-the sephirot robot forms only have one eye. yesods was on the left. his bangs in ruina are on the right. most of his hair minus the bangs look pretty much the same length so this implies he grew his bangs out on purpose. what if he couldn’t get used to having two again. also he has no depth perception

-got that high intelligence low wisdom. can recite 60 digits of pi but doesn’t know what a handshake is

-what if he has fangs. like a v. like a vip. like a vi

-he likes shiny things...like an crow....give him a coin......

-wakes up at the asscrack of dawn

-you seen his floor? that man likes vaporwave. and also lights in general, i think

-likes tea (also turned out to be true? he’s drinkin some in that one credits cg)

-probably has a small plant in his office, likes gardening a little

-leaves you on read

-clicks his pen when he’s focused, doesn’t notice until someone tells him to stop

-doesn’t really like soda but thinks sprite is okay

-he smells like lavender i think

-doesn’t like when people make a big deal out of his birthday but he appreciates gifts and the like nonetheless

-gets bad caffeine jitters

-he’s a flirty drunk and gets extremely embarrassed about that when he sobers up

-uncomfortable in large groups, he gets overwhelmed if he’s around a lot of people for too long

-hovers around the people he’s closest to if he’s forced to be around a lot of people

-focuses the best if he’s by himself

-malkuth and yesod are siblings because i like them. this also makes elijah and gabriel’s deaths more sad

-yesod can do hair, he learned how to braid because elijah liked having their hair braided when they were younger

-i rotate them being twins and yesod being a natural brunette in my head sometimes

-if he were a snake he’d be a mangrove pit viper or lavender albino king snake i think

-he likes looking out the big tech sciences window to relax

-has a lot of scars across his body from scratching, i personally think he should’ve had his hand scars in ruina

-good with computers but complete shit at video games. he’d know the Lore to games he likes but absolutely cannot play them.

-likes the sound of computer fans and keyboards

-he’s totally autistic

self indulgent

-he seems like he’d get really flustered if you showed him any sort of affection, ESPECIALLY in public. hug him and he short circuits and dies

-if you ever managed to befriend him he seems kinda calming to be around when he’s not pissy. kinda guy you’d sit out in the balcony with in the middle of the night when you can’t sleep in a comfortable silence. might show you constellations if you wanted

-covers his face when he blushes

-would get super red when he’s embarrassed, tries to avoid people and hides away in his office

-touch starved but can’t ask for affection to save his life

-i think he’d show affection with little things yk. puts a blanket on you when you pass out on your desk. he’d probably try to cover it up with professionalism though. like “i noticed you haven’t eaten, think about how that’ll affect your work performance” instead of “eat something i’m worried about you”

-might also just sit near or lean on you

-if he likes you enough he’d be softer and more forgiving

-i personally tend to assign my character fixations flowers for some reason,,,he gets hyssops :) hydrangeas and lavender also make me think about he

jumbled thoughts:

part of the reason i like him so much is because i tend to have a thing for cold/stoic characters who are soft on the inside. yesod is only cold and sharp-tongued because he needs to be in order to succeed in lob corps environment. he doesn’t want to get attached to people. he cares so much that he couldn’t allow himself to feel anything at all, esp in an environment where he’s trying so fucking hard to reduce deaths by setting rules and keeping order but people die every day regardless. not only that, but his job was to destroy information that could potentially save those same people. he gets MAD if you let his employees die because he cares about them.

i also used to try and spread my rolsod agenda all the time, i think their relationship is fun

oh yeah and he’s totally OCD-coded. one thing i’ve always liked about projmoon media is how great their representation of mental illness is. both because it feels very accurate and real and a lot of horror media will just drop in a mentally ill person and go “ooo scary mentally ill person being scary bc they’re mentally ill oooo” but the horror aspect in lob corp is focused more on the horrible things that caused him to act that way. he became obsessed with rules and safety because elijah broke the rules and tested the cogito on herself, leading to her slow and painful death.

just a couple things i find cute about him:

-i know the viper nickname is supposed to be threatening but i think snakes are cute and so is he

-robot form <3

-that hair tuft

-HIS SMILE!!!!!

-his voice is hot okay byey

i don’t talk about yesod as much anymore because i can only have so many men at the forefront of my mind but make no mistake i still adore him

[sushisocks]

so this is like two asks ig? but what is ur most unique sean headcanon, and what is ur sean headcanon that you will defend with your life (i really love ur headcanons lol)

OOOHHHHH ANON!!!!!! we're in it now lmfaoo THANK YOU first of all I'm honestly so glad people enjoy my headcanons/rants about these characters!! RDR2 is my first time really foray-ing into fandom space like this (previously having kept my writing & thoughts to closed circles of friends lol), and the reception here has overall been a lot more than I ever expected!! Especially since I've really picked my faves &lt;;- said while sideeyeing the 28 works in the macsummers tag on AO3.

ANYWAY these are some insanely good questions, anon, and I've been thinking about them ALL DAY, so I'll do my very best to answer you here in a way which does these questions justice.

It's hard for me to know which one of my Sean HCs is the most unique, as I have a LOT of HCs, and I've been posting a LOT of them over the course of the past few months. I've been told (as a compliment!!) that my overall take on him & the connections I make regarding him is unique, which I obviously am very flattered by! But I also don't think it's too hard to be unique when you're thinking & talking about a character who generally isn't given the same amount of genuine consideration and meta as other characters from the same franchise. Like, I could be talking at length about Arthur, or Charles, or John (and I HAVE!!! Not on tumblr, but still, I love those characters too!!) but my takes would probably not generate the same kind of attention by virtue of those characters being talked about a lot by a lot of other people too!! My posts about Sean stick out because there's not a whole lot of other people writing posts about Sean in the meta/HC style I do!

(Sidenote, while I don't fault the RDR2 fandom for not giving Sean his dues - he is a side character who dies very early on, and who is easy to stereotype, after all - I AM very glad and grateful that the stuff I've said & shared seems to have impacted some people's understandings of him, at least in the circles I run in. As of late I've been seeing a lot more thoughtful takes on him, reflecting how he has the capability of being just as nuanced as several of the other characters in the game. Maybe that's because I'm right in the middle of it though; most RDR2 circles I'm in KNOW me as the Sean stan, and engage with my takes on him, after all!!)

So like, is my most unique Sean headcanon among the ones that reflect canon & actually took off, impacting some people's view of him - like how he DOES mirror a younger Arthur, and how he fulfills a role in the gang, and how his death is necessary to set the tone for the rest of the game? Or is my most unique headcanon him being a gnc bi poly king in the messiest possible queerplatonic triad with Karen and Lenny? Is it that I think he prefers licorice to chocolate? That I think his favorite color is burgundy(not that he'd call it that)? I don't know! I both have so many HCs that picking one is extremely hard for my Libra-ass-self, and I don't have many others writing similar stuff to compare myself with, at all! I'd love to hear from others, though, if anyone else who's been reading my Sean posts have any takes regarding what of my stuff has stuck with them!!!

OKAY sorry for the rant mkjhbjj It's probably not what you were looking for asking me that but it's something that's on my mind, given that I think a fair amount of the uptick in my following over the past few months, if not from AO3, is very much from my RDR2 meta posts - which are in majority about Sean.

ANYYYWAYYY as for a Sean HC I will defend with my life - DEFINITELY the Sean learning disabilities ones - he is INCREDIBLY ADHD & dyslexia coded to me, it MASSIVELY influences how I write him in my fics, and I don't think anyone will ever argue me away from that one. Also, Sean siding with Arthur & John in the end, IS a hill I will die on - to the point that I've written several posts about/referring to it mjnhbnjbh Honestly though, I am a petty bitch who will die on most hills available to me, and I'm not afraid of confrontation, so I am a little bit of a menace when it comes to my Sean HCs and defending them lolol I'm overall very pleased they've gone over well with the rest of the Sean stan community here on tumblr though!! Yall are the best fr <3<3<3

[hannahlovesluca]

So i heard about u doing nijisanji matchups so why not :DD

Nijisanji male matchup pretty plz w cherry on top

Gender:Gender is nothing but a social conCepttTttt(jk cis female but there were times ppl mistook me as a guy once LMAO)

Pronouns:I don't have any in particular,i don't mind any of them as long as its not they/them

Sexuality:....i..don't know actually.Like.Women.But Men.But women.i'll just say bisexual..

Zodiac:Aquarius

Appearance:Shoulder length black hair,i'm kiiinda tall?Im taller than most of my friends.Black fox-like(i think thats what they call them??) Eyes,and i wear literally anything.Like imagine someone in a black turtleneck and some random ass floral button up shirt with the most obnoxious pants ever(for clarification this isnt my attempt at getting in r/builtdifferentfromothergirls i just get cold easily).Oh and im as blind as a bat without my glasses,i only put them on when i wanna put myself in the attractiveness scale for shits and giggles sometimes i wear random jackets i find in my room like that one hot pink jacket i covered in the bee movie stickers for some reason

Mbti:Entp

Idk my ennagram sorry :((

Personality:im pretty laid-back but based on sources(aka my mutuals) i am the embodiment of a living cockroach because of me almost dying like 5 times(vibe checked by god 5 times and he did NOT approve of me...like mf be frfr) i procastinate until like a day before the deadline cause i only work with pressure cause my brains just built like that(rushing calculus my beloved) I LOVE MATHS SO MUCH U CANT IMAGINE(and the cries of my discord besties cause the moment they go back on vc they see the discord whiteboard filled with god knows what) and im preeeeetty confident in myself unless someone genuinely compliments me,if that happens im just gonna disintegrate into dust

Likes:that one meme where the green guy from avengers goes "why is galora",yugioh,jumping into my friends random vc comedically 4 shits and giggles,resident evil,taking care of everyone(and not taking care of myself cause im a self aware hypocrite),DEBATES I LOVE THEM SM THEY GIVE ME SO MUCH ADRENALINE

Dislikes:when someone gets into my persona space toooooo much.oh and the fact that u can divide 91 by 7.literally unreal.and thunder??dunno it sets uncomfy in me i probably offended zeus in my past life or smth

Love language:

I dont know what that is....i mean like,id send whoever i get random memes i found at 3 am,shower thoughts??and hugs??and cuddles??and giving them reassuring words??does that count?

Extra:im bilingual(swedish,russian,korean,german) so i can make ppl say what seems like romantic words when its a deez nuts joke this is a flex btw.i pace around tasks pretty fast,sometimes im too lazy to get up sometimes i go around doing literally everything at once

Im sorry if this is confusing to u this is my first time doing this :((

i pair you with…

Ver Vermillion!

hear me out…

• you guys will absolutely nerd out over yugioh and will probably end up playfully arguing and malding over the other (i dont know much ab yugioh im sorry 💔💔)

• if you let him nerd out to you and rant to you about the most random things he will immediately fall in love

•likewise if you nerd out/rant to him he will fall in love bc the fact that you confide in him???

• similar to shu yaminerd, he is a huge nerd but hes better at hiding it

• call him a dork. he says he hates it but he loves it.

• YOU GUYS WILL HAVE MEME BATTLES.

• youll sit in discord vc, no sound except the little giggles erupting out while you read each others memes and random messages that you just keep on sending

• will randomly whip out the “why is galora” meme to make you laugh out loud in vc with others, on stream, etc even in public

• god, he loves your hair

• your cuddles up in his arms, half-asleep, and hes running his hands thru your hair AHHH

• will also send you hot-takes out of nowhere so you guys can debate on it solely because he knows how much you love it

• “banana pizza is good.”

• “soggy socks feel nice.”

• will also throw you random compliments because he knows its the only thing that will get you

• “are you a hot mom because damn mama you hot.”

• will assist you in sending deez nuts jokes to your friends in korean

• “내 불알을 빨아.”

RUNNERS UP: Shu Yamino, Doppio Dropscythe

[hetaero]

This isn't trying to be a horny or a hater comment I am just genuinely curious. I have never heard of a hair cutting kink before, and I was wondering where you feel the dynamic sits in that. Is it related to the act of service and having some say in their appearance or is it something more specific to hair cutting? Is it limited to just cutting the hair or does it involve other things like washing or dying it? Are there specific hair types or styles you prefer? Is it limited to just head hair or does it extend to something like trimming beards or shaving body hair?

Hopefully that isn't too many questions again no hate I am just genuinely curious

Don't worry, curiosity is perfectly normal and healthy, I don't take it as an insult lol I kept it vague because it's genuinely kind of a complicated kink. I think it's mostly a fear/trust thing, that someone relents control to me and allows themselves to be vulnerable enough to do something like that. Maybe I'm biased but I find it to be an inherently intimate activity— you're letting someone touch you and stand over you and alter your appearance and move you around while you're pretty much helpless and restrained to a chair, lol. I'm surprised there aren't more kinksters that caught on to that. Some people are much more possessive and rough with this kink and see it as an ownership/branding/forcefulness thing, but I'm much more of a caring type of domme and this definitely goes hand in hand with my mommy headspace and helping someone through any fears and discomforts surrounding the experience if that makes sense (although most people aren't very scared or nervous throughout haircuts but sometimes it's repressed)

for me it's just the actual cutting process, not drying or washing, but I know some people who like that. And just head hair. I shave people's faces sometimes but that's a platonic care thing, doesn't get me off. as for hairstyles, it's usually whatever suits the person and looks good. I tend to like classier hairstyles on men (that make them look like cute little Boy Scouts) instead of the newer trendier ones (that look like they're about to throw gang signs).

ironically I've always liked guys with longer hair (like, up to shoulder length) but my kink makes me want to cut it off 😭 it's a paradox. If it looks nice long, I'll just trim it, but my preference is definitely cutting hair with clippers. The vibrations and loud sounds add to the kink. Over time the preferred length I like to cut it to has gotten shorter and shorter, but I still draw the line at like, buzz cuts. My dad is bald so that association would ruin it for me, lol. But yes, if it looks good and it's cute and short I'll like it, especially if I get to run my hands over the freshly shaved parts of it or if the length of it embarrasses my partner a bit. That's a big part of it. Idk maybe my kink is just to be a fussy mom who knows 💀

anyway sorry for this GIANT rant I hope I answered everything, there's more intricacies to my fetish you can feel free to inquire about but yeah

[memorydragon]

So I thought I was going to take a day off from ranting about how mental I am because of these gay cops, but nope. Normal levels have not receded.

First of all, I really do adore Bu Chonghua. He's a condescending prick at times, but I love him and I love how Huai Shang lets him be so very wrong at times.

Even when that wrong hurts like fuck.

There's this moment when they're both out of town-ish to interrogate someone and they stay in the same room because it's too late to go back. That morning, Bu Chonghua sees Wu Yu walking around, half asleep and shirtless and completely relaxed, and he realized that at some point, Wu Yu has marked him as 'safe'. And yes, I'm normal about that, but the point is, when exactly did Wu Yu mark him as such?

I made that post about misunderstandings being well done in this plot, but I need to clarify that there are sometimes Bu Chonghua is a condescending prick and Wu Yu is very correct when he's calling acab. The first time I read through it, I was like, yeaaaaaah, Hua-ge, I love you, but you're really being a condescending prick. And Wu Yu was well deserved in bitching him out.

The second time I read through it, it hurt like a fucking truck. Putting aside my personal flashbacks of being othered by someone who thinks you're part of 'them' while being completely and totally dismissive of my identity, when Bu Chonghua tries to draw the line between criminal scum and say they don't change, he was off. He was so off by miles and Wu Yu sneers and says he'll never become like Bu Chonghua because he really, really fucked that one up.

Which is why not even half an hour later when Wu Yu gets triggered so badly he's throwing up his stomach lining (onto Bu Chonghua's shirt XD), it had to be so jarring. Because Bu Chonghua correctly assesses his ptsd (which he knows, because he's been living that same empty life and have I mentioned I'm Normal about these trauma kittens?) then says 'I want to pull you back from that.'

If you saw my post from yesterday, yes I've been thinking about this all day to the point I can't even keep reading because massive fucking ow. Now, if you've been following me for a decent length of time, you're probably aware how I feel about spoilers. Namely, I don't care a wit about them. You can spoil me anytime and I won't care. Honestly, I prefer spoilers on some things (not to be hipster, but I was into tgcf before any of my friends and I would have really liked a spoiler about certain things but had no one to give them to me) and my enjoyment always comes from the journey rather than the destination in most cases. My spoiler tag is a polite accommodation for everyone else, which I sometimes completely forget to do, but I do try to keep up with it. (On that note, I'm so sorry, tgcf donghua second season was completely untagged for that. I completely forgot. -_-;;; ) That said, what I'm about to discuss is one of the few times I've actually danced around a major spoiler, because this one is quite big. I've avoided mentioning it explicitly in my previous posts about Tun Hai, but I'm about to mention details. So this is your warning, I'm about to talk about a spoiler that even I consider to be a significant one. If you don't want spoilers, scroll past and don't click the read more.

Because the only two people in his life who have ever genuinely cared about him and not who they thought he was wanted to take him out of that hell. Because his aunt gave him a name he can no longer use, because Xie Xing came back just for that promise. Because he's been forced to live someone else's life, the life of the only person who gave a damn, because he wants so badly to escape to a place where poppies aren't grown and he can't do that as himself. Because he's carrying Xie Xing's wish that he lives on for the both of them. And just fucking ow, little fish, please stop breaking my heart.

And this is where Bu Chonghua is marked safe, even so close after he fucked up so badly, because that's the one thing he's been promised by people who actually see him, that they're going to take him out of that hell and into the light. And Bu Chonghua just casually says this, not understanding why Wu Yu is stunned by something that to him is just normal amount of caring. Because two people died before they could make good on that promise, despite how hard they both tried, and how hard Wu Yu knew they both tried and died in their attempts. And I'm so fucking unhinged by this.

Because when before Bu Chonghua has even realized it, he's put himself along side what only two people have ever tried in in Wu Yu's life. All of that night, when Wu Yu shows him his favorite 'movie' (this little fish, Wu Yu, baby, why are you like this XD), when he follows Bu Chonghua out, when he watches Bu Chonghua basically take on a whole street gang while venting, only stepping in when Bu Chonghua was actually in danger, when Bu Chonghua is sitting there thinking by himself that Wu Yu deserves so much better, and when he realizes that Wu Yu can occasionally stick his head out of his shell and look around if someone is patient enough to wait (Abso-fucking-lutely feral). All of that time, Wu Yu has marked him as safe and I'm so Normal about Them.