#I'm finally forcing myself to finish it so I can get started on the official NWM comic

[enm-enthusiast]

The Exhibitionist's Club Ch. 8 - Sebastian Part 2

A Lacy Afternoon....

Sebastian

The past week has been hell.

I've been trying to stay away from the frat house as much as possible, but the time I've been spending there lately has been so humiliating. Eric's public punishment of me has been a target on my back, everyone in that house has the right to degrade and taunt me as much as they want.

A couple of times, I've been stripped completely naked as soon as I walked in the door! and always, they always tease me about the cock cage I'm still wearing. James has been helping me, thankfully, and his plan was starting to finally take shape.

All I had to do was get the campus security guards to hire me as a student worker. Apparently, it provided a lot of protection from student-run discipline, anyone caught violating this was subject to immediate expulsion from the University if found to be true...

Thus, here I stood in the campus security building, and had been forced to strip down completely naked for everyone here, as part of their famous "initiation." The security officer who hired me on, Jack Whittle had explained, in fact he just finished his by working the entire week at the office naked....

It got me incredibly aroused thinking of the muscular older man walking around the office butt naked. He blushed when talking about it and some of the other security guys teased him too, taunting him about the thickness of his cock and I salivated at getting to possibly see it for myself.

I had truthfully explained my situation to Jack, and he seemed sympathetic, and even said that Eric had been giving the University all sorts of troubled for years now but he was careful enough to not do anything that would have gotten him in real trouble.

He said that all I had to do was finish this initiation, then I could get my 'clothing privileges' back and even give Eric an official warning from the security office. That way, Jack said, he wouldn't dare touch me or anything near me, and it filled me with a sadistic delight at seeing Eric squirm in fear and fury at his revenge being undone.

The only thing that troubled me was James, he was taking an awfully big risk helping me, and if Eric found out....well, I knew first hand how vicious the little shit could be.

But I would worry about that later, first I needed to get through this, and I was embarrassed enough that all my new colleagues were already leering at me and sizing me up.

They got a weird thrill as I was slowly stripping off my clothes, some even whistled as soon as I took off my shirt. As expected, their eyes immediately locked onto my cock cage as soon as I lowered my underwear down my legs.

"Wow dude, did you lose a bet or something?" One of the campus security guards said, stifling his laughter upon seeing my cock cage, making my face turn bright red.

"How long have you been wearing that?" Jack said.

"....about....3 and a half weeks" I said, teeth grinding as my embarrassment and rage fueled me.

The guys shared looks of shock, amusement, and a few of them concerned, Jack included. I couldn't let them get involved, me and James were so close to giving Eric some long overdue payback, so I needed to bear the shame, for just a bit longer. I put on my best poker face despite that it was surely as red as a tomato at this point.

"Don't worry about it, the guys back at the Frat and me were playing around, I lost a few bets, and here we are...can we get a move one please" I said.

Most seemed to accept this, all of them, except for Jack who gave me a knowing look, but regardless he carried on.

"Well, you seem to be in excellent condition, in fact you've put in some great work in those muscles Sebastian, must get you lots of attention around this campus" Jack said. winking at that last part.

"Not a bad backside either, you got some good glutes on you" a blonde guard named Daniel said, a hungry look in his eyes. It was hard not to feel vulnerable and exposed as all of them, in one way or another, were devouring the sight of my naked body.

It was hard not to think of Thomas in that moment, who was dealing with his own problems at the moment, some classmate of his called George was giving him trouble and I wanted to find him and smash in his face for messing with Thomas, but I couldn't refuse when he begged me not to do something so foolish, and I had to admit he was right.

Speaking of, Thomas took a...interesting perspective on my cock cage, the two of us decided to make the most of it...I allowed him to shift our dynamic in bed, the first night he took control and made me get on my hands and knees and suck his cock until he flipped me onto my stomach and made me beg for him to fuck me....god if only I wasn't wearing the cage I'd have had the biggest erection in my entire life.

I only wish I could be out there helping him instead, but foolish me thought signing up as a student worker for the security office would be a great idea. Or rather, it was James' idea.

I'm still skeptical of how they told me all workers needed to take a fitness test, especially one that's entirely in the nude....

If it wasn't for the cock cage, I wouldn't feel as vulnerable and exposed around these other guys, they all seemed to take it in and good fun and none of them poked, prodded, or even made fun of me for it, unlike the frat guys who were hounding my every step and making my life hell, I just needed to get out of that house....

"So....does that mean I'm in?" I asked.

"We just need one last thing from you Sebastian, it shouldn't be a problem for a strapping young lad like you" Jack said, his tone neutral but his expression was hiding something mischievous.

"Okay...what is it?" I said.

What he said next made my jaw drop to the floor and nearly run out of the building.

"We want you to wear these as your work uniform for the first week, consider it....your training period" Jack said, grinning wide as he held up a red lacy crop top and a matching pair of silky red lace briefs, ones with design patterns that left the backside almost completely see-through!

"You gotta be kidding me!" I say, incredulous, my face already burning bright red and I felt a shocking jolt in my crotch followed by a slight ache as my cock was unable to twitch as it used to.

"I'm afraid not, hehe you see the boys here thought you'd look incredible in these, and I agree, but its up to you kid, so what's it going to be? us....or nothing" he finished, giving me another look that just between us, said:

"You either wear this for a week in the office...or you continue to be a naked frat slave with your dick shrinking inch by inch as each week passes."

It didn't seem to be a fair choice, but I knew it was my only one, and I needed this so I could start getting back at Eric, I wouldn't take it from Jaime and I'm not about to start letting some blowhard blonde do it to me either!

"Alright....fine, I'll do it" I said. Holding out my hand and Jack gave me another wide grin as he handed over the crop top and underwear to me. He merely looked down and back up once, that hungry look in his eyes again as he waited with his arms crossed.

My face was beet red I'm sure as I pulled the top over my head, I had to admit the material felt....good against me bare skin. Next was the underwear...I had to suppress a whimper as I pulled them up my legs, the material felt so nice and smooth just like the top. This only added to my rising embarrassment, I hated how it felt so good to wear these despite how slutty and exposed it made me look.

The guys jaws all dropped as I finished putting on my new 'uniform' and Jack walked over to me with a look of delighted surprise and said: "Wow...just wow, you look great in those, and I guess we got you the right size after all, those undies really make your ass look..." he trailed off, and I shuddered as he teasingly ran a hand over my right ass cheek.

I bit my lip as he did so, the contact of his hand against the material felt so good...I was really looking forward to tonight with Thomas with how horny this was making me.

I felt my submissive side take over as I wanted my man's dick inside me so bad, and I had to whip myself back to reality as I realized that I was practically drooling after what Jack did and the rest of the guys noticed. Several of them had bulges growing in their security uniform pants....

"Alright Sebastian, so far so good, you seem to really like those, so I'll tell you what...you can keep em" he said, rubbing my shoulder and giving me a look with that same look in his eyes.

At first I didn't respond, I was shocked at first but...I knew that I'd keep them, as humiliating as it was to have to wear this in front of all these guys, I had to admit they also made me feel sexy with how everyone here was reacting to me wearing them.

I decided to wear them under my clothes later...see how Thomas will react, the thought of it made me so incredibly aroused the simple contact of Jack's hand on my shoulder was making me weak at the knees. I was in disbelief at how my body was reacting, but it felt so good, too good to ignore, so I was ready to embrace it and I gave Jack a firm nod.

"In fact, since you're being so good, you work this whole afternoon in that and I'll get Eric to take that thing off you" He said.

My eyes widened in surprise, I'd have done so regardless but now I was more determined than ever.

"Good boy" he said, giving me another firm wink and gave my ass a real hard slap as he walked behind me and said "now get to work!" he said. propelling me forward toward the other guys who all took turns lightly touching and teasing my body.

They all knew how horny it made me and took delight at teasing me so tantalizingly and yet so briefly, after that, they all filed out and left one by one until was just me and Jack, who beckoned me to follow him.

The next few hours would prove to be one of the most challenging as Jack showed me around the office, while simultaneously showing me off and parading me around the entire building like I was a zoo's latest attraction. It was mostly men around the office, but a few clerical workers were women who all did a double take at seeing me like this, yet their gaze also followed me hungrily.

Some of them even snuck in some light slaps to my ass or even a caress of my muscles across my body. It took everything I had to keep concentrating on things Jack was saying, introducing me to what I would be doing in the office.

After giving me a full tour of the office, Jack led me to the student workers office, where basically I read through student complaints and calls and forwarding them to the security officers who would be sent out to respond.

Thankfully there were only two other workers, one of them a a shorter yet average Hispanic dude named Julien and a young brunette woman named Emily. Both of them were introduced to me by Jack, and surprisingly neither of them seemed shocked at my state of (un)dress. Yet, both of them had a similar look as the others, a lingering hunger that made me full that much more exposed yet it also gave me a thrill and rush of excitement.

"I'll leave you all to it, I'll come collect you in just a few hours Sebastian...good luck" he said, then left me alone with the two of them.

'So....hey" I said, trying to break the ice.

"If you're wondering at our expressions from earlier, its because its probably tame I'm in comparison to some of the other things we've seen working here, not to mention our own...initiations" Julien said, the both of them looking away from each other at that last part.

I decided to drop the subject then.

"Alright, well regardless its good to meet some fellow student workers" I said, giving them both a reassuring smile which they took to hear, returning mine.

We spent the next few hours getting me up to speed about the job, although sometimes I noticed them looking at me in a weird way. Other times, one or both them got too close to my proximity and I swore I felt a light finger touch or two, after the first hour of that I was starting to realize they weren't new at this...

The light contact was driving me crazy, being locked in this cage for so long was making me hornier than I've been since I was a teenager. But I managed to power through it, I was determined to be rid of this thing once and for all.

After my initial training shift was over, Jack appeared as expected and he smiled as soon as he saw me. "Wow, I half expected these two to have ripped those off you by now" he said, giving my fellow student workers a look that made the both of them look away from me and back towards the computers they worked at instead.

Part of me wanted to inquire further, but I decided to cast it aside for now.

I walked up to Jack and he pulled me aside and said: "I talked to my boss and he approved as well, we both personally called Eric up at the Frat...he'll unlock that thing from you first thing when you get back to the frat, and I even took care of the other part of your punishment."

"A-are you serious?" I said, ready to jump with joy.

"Deadly. But listen kid, Eric was LIVID, he kept trying to double down on 'frat autonomy' but as soon as we threatened to take it to the Dean he backed down" he said.

"Well...regardless, thank you, Jack, this means a lot, if there's any way I can repay you-" I began before Jack interrupted with:

"Any? Well....I can think of a few..." Jack said, giving me a look that said he'd have me bent over or on my knees in a heartbeat if he had it his way.

It made my face turn as red as the outfit I was still wearing. I looked down at myself and almost couldn't believe I still had to wear this for the rest of the week at the office....but a deal is a deal, and I keep my word no matter what.

"One more thing Sebastian...I know you said James helped you out, just keep an eye on him in case Eric finds out what happened, alright? he's a good kid" Jack said.

I knew exactly what he meant, Eric was vicious and petty, and would do almost anything to get back at someone for slights both real...and imagined.

"Don't worry, I will" I said and began to talk out towards the lockers where my clothes waited for me. Before I got far, Jack gave another caress of my silk-clad ass cheeks which made me whimper just loudly enough for Jack to hear, who merely smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

I practically ran back as soon as I got away, taking off the outfit and storing it in my bag for later with Thomas, then pulling out my clothes and getting dressed. I had one last thing to do before heading to Thomas' dorm, and I smiled as I couldn't wait to see Eric's face as he took the cock cage off of me.

I left the office quickly and quietly, not wanting to meet anyone's eyes knowing they'd seen me wearing that outfit, I needed to maintain my confidence to prepare myself for the confrontation that awaited me, and sure enough, as soon as I opened the door to the frat house, the tension was palpable...

Little did I know how much more things would escalate following the moment I closed the door of the house behind me, but I also wouldn't change it no matter what.

End of Chapter 8.

Author's Note: Hello everyone! I know its been such a long time since I posted, I've been going through a lot recently but I'm back and ready to give you guys more sexy naked adventures ;)

Sebastian seems to have gotten the upper hand once more, but can he protect his friends as well as himself? We'll see in the upcoming chapters.

I hope you enjoyed the different path this chapter took, sexy outfits like the one Sebastian was forced to wear this chapter have been an background idea for a while, so please tell me if you guys liked it...if you did I'll be sure to include it in later chapters more. But until then, enjoy this latest installment!

[fainthedcherry]

SOOO I went "SCREW IT POSTING THIS DOODLE BC I FELT LIKE IT"... AFTER LIKE...YEARS OF NOT DOING A SPONTANEOUS DOODLE UPLOAD WOW,,

Alex + Mushu (OCs) ft. the 4 official 2012 torts!!!

I've been in turtle-fever as you can tell,,, I finished this last week actually!!! I was doodling Marco and Niraj this week instead. BUT ALAS...HAVE A POST!!! HOLY CRAP GUYS I'M NOT DEAD AND I'M POSTING FREQUENTLY THIS MONTH!! AND ACTUALLY EXPRESSING MY INTEREST IN FANDOMS FOR ONCE AGAIN!! I might post something TMNT related Tuesday again!! ;D

No srsly why tf is it so hard for me to draw official characters instead of only drawing OCs, it's a curse for me sefklsdlkg

JUST AN IDEA I HAD TO DRAW THIS...NOTHING REALLY SUPER COMPLEX CAME TO MIND. Instead, I accidentally made the doodle w/ Raph 3-VP perspective, had to fix a bunch of lines, gave up on others. THIS WAS DRAWN WO/ A RULER AND YOU CAN TELL. SO DON'T MIND CRAPPY PERSPECTIVE INCONSISTENCY. I swear I can actually draw perspectives like a professional, I just choose to spend as little time as possible on paper. I hate drawing traditionally on paper, but I still force myself to stay in-practice, bc I get more organic ideas through that way. References are more of a digital-art thing for me...AAaaa dsrgrgkloj

I'm REALLY proud of Mikey here!!! My fav boi looks rlly good here,,, 😭

This is only like the 3rd time I've ever drawn these boys in my life!! I think this is a not bad start toward my cringe-embracing era. xD

Hope you don't mind me adding tags of the boys!! I just,,, am so happy I'll be able to!!!!!!!!!! JUST. JUST FINALLY I'VE DRAWN THEM IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY I FINALLY DARED TAKE THE STEP

Also adding TMNT OC tags,, hope you don't mind, I'm not trying to shill I swear, I just really like tagging my art honestly. 😭

[99corentine]

Corentiiiine!

First of all I want to say that I love love love Gol Hah Dov! Definitely one of my absolute favourite fanfics of all time. I'm on my 5th or so reread at the moment and love it just as much as when I first ready it. The way you write the relationship between Miraak and Chrysanthe scratches that fated-enemies-to-lovers itch perfectly.

I loved GHD so much that it has inspired me to start writing my own Miraak/LDB fanfic, I have read most of fics available but want more! I have been planning it for ages (an embarrassing amount of time and many, many notebooks in fact) but have just started writing it out officially. The first chapter is very nearly done, and I have plotted up to the final act, but I just wanted to ask how you found the writing process and managed to keep motivated? I haven't evenn published it yet, but I'm already worried that it won't hold up to the other fics out there, especially one as amazing as GHD. I also fear I have bitten off quite a lot with the amount I want to write, and keeping momentum may be difficult.

Thank you again for sharing Gol Hah Dov with us! I look forward to reading Tooth for a Tooth, Tavstarion is another favourite ship of mine and if it's anything like your other fics I'm sure to love it!

Hello, and thank you so much for such wonderful words! I too have been re-reading GHD as I'm proofreading it one last time at the moment, and it's been interesting to see how my writing style and preferences have changed over the course of the story. I'm very proud of how it turned out, and endlessly bowled over by how many people have come forward to tell me they liked it. My dumb self-indulgent story about a 2011 game! It's crazy that it's had so much attention.

You can never over-plan for a story, so having a number of notebooks worth of planning is a great start! I would say you'll want to write the first few chapters before publishing it, just to assure yourself that you're going to keep writing - I have written loads of stuff I was sure would turn into an epic longfic and I never made it past chapter one or two, sometimes it's just like that. When you're confident you'll keep going, publishing it will then motivate you to do more.

I've covered a little of my writing process in this guide I knocked together (which you may have already seen). I'd say specifically for writing motivation, these three things work for me:

Absolutely DO NOT discuss the plot or story arcs in great detail with anyone, as mentioned in my guide this will demotivate you to actually create a finished piece of writing. Holding onto that cool plot thing you want to show to the world and what people's reactions to it might be will fuel you to Write The Thing

Sometimes it's hard to get stuff down on paper, and when that happens eventually I just brute force it: sit down, no distractions, no phone, and force myself to write something, anything, even if it's garbage. I kind of hold myself hostage sometimes, e.g. I'm not allowed to watch this TV show/play this game/do this other project until I've worked on this one

It's helpful to break writing down into smaller chunks. You mentioned you've bit off a lot, can you break it down into story arcs or segments? If you do you'll be writing not to the end (a distant and unattainable-feeling finish line), but just to the end of the next story arc, which is less daunting.

As for quality, I wouldn't worry about that because you'll improve over the course of your story. I loved the events in the early chapters of GHD (scary Miraak is my favourite Miraak) but I think the writing of the later chapters is much, much technically better, because writing so much made me improve. We're also our own worst critics, of course! So your writing is likely better than you think, and it can only grow.

Best of luck to you with it! A longfic is no easy endeavour (and Tooth for a Tooth is probably going to be enormous too...) and it takes a lot of patience and perseverence, but I believe in you!

[gingerjunhan]

Hiii!! It's 🧈 anon.

So umm I'm having a whole thing rn. I was ftm right, then I was trying to force myself to be cis?? And now I'm ftm again??????

Idk, but anyway, I have a whole request that has been bubbling at my mind for Jun han. Here it is:

So reader is a model, but they're like the opposite of the Korean beauty standards. Superrrr muscular, tattoos, brown skin, and just radiates a lot of confidence and dominance (not in a weird way 😞)

But basically xdinary heroes is doing a collab with a magazine and Jun han is paired with one of the magazines models (reader) and they end up exchanging numbers and such.

How would Jun han do in a relationship with a model that can just like, pick him up and throw him over their shoulder

Sorry if this is all over the place😿

Love, 🧈 anon

☆彡 🧈anon, I really like this idea! Thanks for sending it in :) hope you’ve been feeling okay, and sorry it took me a while to get around to this one (college 👎🏻)

word count: 818 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff | cws: nothing serious lmao, Hyeongjun being awkward, I don’t understand modeling lingo, this was ACTUALLY PROOFREAD SOMEBODY CLAP!!!, lmk if I missed something!

You were used to being the one to turn heads in the studio. Compared to all your fellow models, you always managed to catch people’s eye. However, today seemed to be different.

You were a commonly reoccurring model in a popular Korean magazine, so you’ve seen your fair share of celebrities amongst your pages. But the studio was currently buzzing- seeing that today was the first time you actually got to model with the celebrities themselves.

Today, you were modeling with Xdinary Heroes, to help them promote their newest album, so naturally all eyes were on them. It was somewhat nice to have the attention turned off of you for a chance. You didn’t exactly fit the beauty standards in Korea; with your darker complexion and muscular build. You were typically the center of attention (for better or for worse), so this was a nice change of pace.

You were getting the finishing touches of your hair and makeup done, and you happened to be sitting next to one of the guitarists, who was currently going through a similar process as you. You’ve heard of his band before, but you couldn’t put a name to his face. You tried not to make it obvious that you kept stealing glances at him in the mirror, but your sneaky attempts were futile as he managed to make eye contact with you. Wordlessly, he sent you a smile.

☆

“Okay everyone,” your manager called as you, the other models, and the band all awaited instruction. “I have you all paired up together, so wait until I call your name to get your duo shots done! First up, let's have Hyeongjun and (Y/N).”

You got up from your chair and made your way onto the set. Diverting your attention towards the camera, you watched as the guy from before got up from his chair, following your lead and taking his place beside you.

“Hi,” you decided it was finally time to introduce yourself. “I’m (Y/N). It’s nice to meet you.”

“Hi,” he smiled again, sticking out a hand. “Hyeongjun. It’s nice to meet you too.” You shook his hand, returning his smile. You couldn’t help but notice how nervous he seemed.

“Are you excited for the shoot today?” The photographers were still doing last-minute preparations, so you were hoping to ease his nerves before the shoot officially began.

“Uh, yeah,” he answered. It sounded more like a question. “I’m excited to be here, I’m just not used to being in front of the camera much. Not in professional settings like this, anyway.”

“No? Don’t you do photo shoots for your albums?”

“We do,” he admitted. “But it’s typically just the six of us. We’ve never done this with professionals before.”

“Well, you’re gonna do great,” you reassured him. “Lucky for you,” you motioned over yourself, “you’re in good hands.” Hyeongjun laughed a bit at your joke, and then the photographers announced that they were finally ready to start the shoot. You and Hyeongjun were put into all types of poses together, laughing with each other along the way. There were some awkward moments, but you managed to get some great shots overall. After the photographers were satisfied, you both were sent off so the next duo could have their pictures taken.

You had gone off to get yourself some water down the hall from the dressing room. As you were getting ready to leave, you bumped into Hyeongjun.

“Hey,” he started. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to barge in. I should’ve knocked first.”

“It’s okay, the door wasn’t locked so you’re good to come in.”

You both smiled at each other for a second. You could tell that there was something Hyeongjun wanted to say, but he didn’t make an effort to do so. He was scanning over you, his eyes going from yours to your broad shoulders and back again. You decided to try and help.

“Do you want a water? There are some over there in the fri-“

“Can I get your number?” He interrupted. You both looked at each other, wide-eyed. Hyeongjun cleared his throat. “I mean, if it’s okay with you, I’d like to get to know you some time.” He fiddled with the ring on his finger, avoiding your eyes. You smiled at him.

“Sure. That sounds nice.”

He looked up at you, meeting your eyes once again. He smiled as you went to retrieve your phone. You handed him the device, and he quickly put his own number into your contacts. You decided to send him a quick message.

hey, it’s (Y/N). meet me tuesday for lunch?

Hyeongjun felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He quickly pulled it out to look at your message. You watched in amusement as a light pink dusted his cheeks. He turned to meet your gaze once again.

“I guess I’ll see you Tuesday,” he smiled.

“It’s a date.

[jojo-cha]

i feel like many people forget, neglect or are unaware on how debilitating ADHD can actually be.

the lack of control over one's focus. the memory issues, long- and short-term. the executive dysfunction. the more intense emotional states. the hightened degree to which others' opinions on you affect you.

all of these qualities — and more — come together to create the perfect blend of a lost person with 'untapped/wasted potential'.

can't focus on work? all you can do is either feel bad about it, or force yourself to get things done anyway and run the risk of your whole body aching. things that seem to come easily to your peers appear to take you an enormous amount of effort.

couldn't complete work? now you feel even worse. it could be that you simply forgot. or you knew exactly what to do and how to go about it! but somehow, against your will, despite your best efforts, you failed to make anything to show for your grasp on the material. whatever the case, you let yourself down. and even worse, you let down the people around you — family, friends, peers, superiors. you might figure that simply telling yourself to do something is not enough, and that stressful situations, such as tight deadlines, not seldomly brought about by procrastinating, spur you on a whole lot more. a poor coping mechanism for sure, but it seems to work better, so you don't mind too much and lean into it.

repeat ad nauseum, and what do you get?

low self-esteem. depression. a boatload of anxiety. anxiety attacks. burnout. loss in previous interests. hopelessness. avoidance. increased forgetfulness

my ADHD diagnosis has been over 20 years in the making. note the 'has been', as in 'still ongoing'. i'm in my mid-20s and can't finish secondary school to save my life. i've been stuck in the final grade for several years, and it seems impossible, even though i'm doing all i can, which is not even enough to be on eye level with my classmates. and until i have an official diagnosis, accomodations and meds are out of the question. and i have tried really hard to Cognitive Behavior Therapy my way out of it. still, all i can do is barely cross the starting line and still not complete the whole lap.

somehow, i'm still able to do enough to convince teachers that i do have the potential to graduate with ease, but the inability to follow through all the way is pulling me below the water surface, and i'm forgetting how to swim. 'if only i applied myself' and so on. like i'm not already trying my damn hardest to not make any trouble for myself and others.

ADHD and its more outwardly noticeable symptoms are often labeled as a quirky thing, when in reality there's nothing really fun about it. my brain doesn't work properly, and it has only brought me hard times.

i just want to function without having to go through headaches to do the bare minimum.

[pinselluchs]

Some Personal Life Updates

The year is not even over but it sure feels like I've done more than a years worth of activity.

When I first "joined the workforce" I ended up in a rather depressing position where I was mandated to be in the office for 40 hours a week without any practical work to do. I could neither sleep in my office nor do anything besides my "actual" work. I was in a constant state of bullshitting myself through. Having to do functionally nothing at your job really takes a toll on your psyche. Too much work is bad, but too little work is worse. Especially if you're in this situation for two years or potentially forever.

This spring, I switched my positions to a favorable but more stressful field... at the same pay. Helped me to honestly find purpose back in my line of work, something I can achieve and work towards. It's a lot of work and I'm very content for every hour of having to do nothing right now.

And you know what? I am on track! This is the right way. I did well!

Suffice to say, I've officially become technical team lead for two critical IT services at the same time. Things and people have become dependent on me, which is a feeling extremely hard to fathom. What does it mean that my existence and my work could potentially impact hundreds if not thousands of people? This is the first time in my life that I have true responsibility for more than just myself now.

Not only have I grown at and through work (and I am still continue to grow; more or less, I have finally started to grow again!), I can and do also grow through my private life, especially due to the furry fandom. This year alone, I went to the NordicFuzzCon for the first time and thought I'd need to volunteer the next NFC. It truly was quite the experience; something I need to treasure.

Shortly after that, I went to Amsterdam on my own accord, to Furry Weekend Holland, to Waldcon, Tropical Furry Islands, and to Vienna just because I could. And soon, I'll be heading to the USA for BLFC! All in one single year. I need to cut back on that so that I don't burn out. This is probably one of two weekends this year I've been "just at home". Let's just say I was forced to spend some paid-time off that I accrued... and I did well with it.

I have no clue what the future holds. I'm aiming for an important promotion (way more important than just being technical team lead). I am aiming for more cons, more photoshoots, more personal progression. Who knows, I got good aim, maybe I should do some military service. Me as a lieutenant, ha, it shouldn't have been - which is a story for a different time.

There is a word I've been hearing and using a lot recently. "Rotieren." "To be rotating", translated, is a phrase for being more than "just busy". It's having all your hands constantly active with no real opportunity to rest. As soon as you finish one project, another appears at the same urgency as the last one. You get things done, but those things take energy and effort, but are most certainly rewarding. I have not felt boredom in a long time. What even is boredom? There are always things to do, and they're certainly not getting less. What's important is to carry on, because what I am carrying is not only important to myself but seems to be more important to others as well, which is a rejuvenating feeling.

What I do starts to finally matter; it's a feeling I always wanted to achieve and now that I do achieve it, it's hard to realize that I have reached my goal. My work matters, my hobbies matter. I do things, they get noticed. Not on a global scale, that would be too much to ask for, but most certainly in my vicinity.

It starts to fill me with pride despite still having the "autistic onlooker" in me. More so, I feel like this gives me a sleight of hand in comparison to others. I can choose to play the game everyone else is playing because I can now know what game is played when. If I want to be noticed, I will be noticed. If I do not want to be noticed, I will be below all radars. I fear that luck may not be on my side but fate still feeds my arrogance so that I shall continue my ways.

What is there more to say other than I just wish to have more time? What I am currently doing is sufficient, it's more than enough for one human and it creates value. I want to do more, I feel like I need to do more. But I'm just one human, I only have two hands and one brain. If only I had the chance to clone myself, I would be unstoppable. For now, I still try to do everything at once so I won't progress fast in one field but slowly in all fields and I won't see that changing anytime soon. I'm still young, I got the energy, I just can't split myself. All I know is that I am rotating. I have improved drastically, I will continue to improve.

I do not know what my true fate is, but I feel like fate has led me to this exact point and I am right where I should be... for now!

I do not know where I will end up, but I did well, and I will do well. Pinsel - out.

[0daytrick0]

New year, new me..?

So, last year is officially a wrap. And with the new year of 2023 being now, it can be alot to digest.

Some keynotes of 2022

I moved out of my parents house

I moved in to a unit with my partner

My partner and I purchased a little pup called Elli

I started and quit two jobs, having a total of 3 jobs this year

I tore the tendons in my ankle

I started and finish my 6 months of university at JCU

As for this year, I have found myself not so much focusing on changing myself and my routines but more on understanding myself and what I need.

I'm still setting goals, creating vision boards, organising life admin tasks. But alltogether, I'm not trying to force myself into anything. Most people would set out to go to the gym, get out more, eat healthier, ECT. But for me personally, I'm just trying to find and maintain a healthy balance in my life. Sure, I might set out to occasionally visit a gym, go on more walks, read more and be more productive. But overall, I'm just trying to enjoy my space and myself and in turn, understand my identity. I'm also trying to be realistic with myself.

Recently, through trying to understand myself, I took up a human design course with my boss. From what I have understood, human design is merely a guide to living a more successful, beneficial life. It's a manual to help understand you inner self. Rather than listening to your brain (or at times your heart), human design sets out to teach you how to listen to your inner authority and in turn, lead the best life you can live.

Through talking with my boss (who specialises in the area), she read my whole life story purley through the consequences and expectations of being a projector. It was so strange to listen to this person I barley know bring up life events that she would have no idea about. To be able to speak about situations I have been in and how I would of felt without first knowing about them... It truly made me intrigued to learn more about human design to say the least.

By being a projector, I have learnt that this is the reason I feel everyone's emotions on an extreme level. It explains why I don't need to get drunk to be drunk. It explains why my energy levels are so low and how my energy levels can shoot through the roof when I'm with other people. It explains why I have spent my whole life trying to help people and why I am so invested in the works of being a psychologist. Everything about my own life; From my past to my present to even my future, has been all explained from being grouped in a category of projectors. It's absolutely eye-opening information. And it is most certainly what I needed to learn to start this year off.

To then do my own research and learn my partner is a manifesting generator. It's like all the puzzle pieces finally came together. I am definitely very thankful to my boss for showing me this path and sharing her knowledge for free with me. Especially since these human design sessions go for just under $200 a session. For her to do it for free with me, definitely feeling very thankful right about now.

This knowledge has definitely come in handy leading up to leaving my hometown for university. In just a few weeks, I will have my boxes packed and leaving for a 13 hour trip to my new home for the next 3 years. To think about leaving this place, after 12 years, to be somewhere new all on my own. It just doesn't feel real. Reality is not hitting yet, despite telling myself over and over that I'm leaving.

What makes this so hard is the fact that I will be on my own. Utterly and completely on my own. My partner will not be coming with me straight away. Or even at all for all we know. I will be leaving my friends behind. My family. It's alot to take in... And a very hard thing to process...

As of right now, I feel like I will thrive. To be on my own, away from my partner, focusing on just myself. Learning to be independent and alone. I kind of look forward to the idea. But oh the little things I will miss. All the things that usually annoy me about this town will I crave for. I know once I leave, I will want to come running straight back. But, by preparing for this potential mindset, and combating what's yet to be, I feel I am effectively preparing myself for the worst efficiently. By knowing that these thoughts will come, that the hard times will at times, feel like they never end, I feel I have what it takes to push through.

This year is going to be tough. And knowing how hard last year felt, I know it's going to be no different this year. But, with the friends I have by my side, and the family I have joined along with my partner I love, I have all the support I need to pursue through. No matter how dark times may get, knowing people I care about have my back for once in my life truly does make all the diffence.

I really do strive to make this year great. To find inner peace and balence. To learn, grow and develope. Let's be sure to do what must be done to the future success on myself. I really do want future me thanking her past self. so with that, I will now head in out and get my grind on.

Tootaloos for now

-Daytrick

[astrodrawsturtles]

My mans isn’t even an official father yet, but he is already Dad of Four Tired™

[im-ovulating]

Gosh i hope this works ^-^

I saw that your requests were open and thought "you know why not"

Soooo if you are up to it heres my idea:

"That scene in eclipse were Bella is with Edward on this Mountain because of the fight but switch bella with f/gn!reader and Edward with Jacob. Jacob holding reader warm etc"

Hope youll write it, have a lovely day/night <3

(A/n: so.. I actually wasnt going to do this simply bc I didn't want to have to copy down the dialogue, but then I got to thinking about the way I wanted the og story to go and decided to finally give myself and other members of Team Jacob what we've always wanted)

(I'm assuming by "switch bella with f/gn!reader and Edward with Jacob" you mean reader chooses Jake..)

(Side note: at the beginning, Edward hasn't proposed to you yet/you guys aren't official)

Hope you enjoy~❤️

Taglist: @lendeluxe

Navigation

Warnings: Liar Edward, that's about it..

Age Rating: None

Jacob Black x GN! Reader x Edward Cullen

------------------

The wind howled, whistling as it whipped around the small tent. Your teeth chattered even though you were bundled in countless layers of winter apparel and snuggled in a thick sleeping bag.

"I should've chosen a site lower down," Edward states from the other side of the tent.

"No, i-it's fine.. I'm ok-kay," you stutter out as you tuck the covers closer to your chin.

"What can I do?" He asks, a pained expression contorting his face.

A wolf howls off in the distance as the storm continues to rage outside the temporary shelter. The door unzips, letting in a gust of glacial air, and Jake quickly steps inside, zipping the tent back up behind him.

"I can't sleep with all that teeth chattering going on," his eyes shift to your freezing form.

His gaze stays on you for a second before shifting to Edward. With an unreadable expression, Edwards stares back.

"Forget it.."

"They may need their toes someday," Jacob fires back. "And let's face it.. I am hotter than you."

Jake starts toward you only for Edward's hand to shoot out and grab his shoulder, causing him to stop.

"Get your hand off me.." Jacob leers, eyes turning cold.

"Then keep your hands off them."

"Don't f-fight," you call out, trying to calm the two supernatural creatures before they tore the entire tent down.

Casting one last glare towards Edward, Jacob states, "If they gets sick, it's on you."

At that moment, you can't help the body wrenching shudder that passes through you causing you to involuntarily gasp from the force of it. Surrendering, Edward begrudgingly nods towards Jacob, signalling for him to enact whatever it was he had thought to do.

Unsure of what was about to happen, you watch as Jake moves toward you, slipping into the sleeping bag behind you. Upon feeling the scalding heat radiating off of him, you immediately curl into his chest; his arms coming to wrap around you and further tuck the bedroll against you.

"Wow, you're freezing, Y/n.. Relax, you'll warm up soon." Looking Edward in the eyes, he finishes, "Faster if you took your clothes off."

"Jake," you chide as your shivers start to dissipate.

"Survival 101," he says as he lays his cheek against your head, smirking.

All the while, you can feel Edward glaring holes into Jacob from across the space. Soon enough, you fall asleep, unaware of the conversation happening between the two boys.

.

"Can you at least attempt to control your thoughts?" Edward sneers at the werewolf.

"I really get under that ice cold skin of yours don't I?" He cocks his head at the vampire, "What? Are you doubting their feelings for you?"

When he doesn't respond Jake continues, "Nice.. so picking through my head's okay, but letting me into yours? forget it..

"Look, I know they're in love with you-"

"Well, good," Edward interrupts.

"-but they're in love with me too," looking down at you softly, he finishes, "they just won't admit it to themselves."

"I can't tell if you're right.." Edward responds, switching his gaze to the floor of the tent.

"Then let me ask you something," Jake startes. "If they choose me-"

"They won't," Edward interrupts.

"-if they do.. would you try to kill me?"

"That's an intriguing idea.." Edward chuckles. "..but, no; I couldn't hurt them like that."

"So you'd just turn them into a blood-sucking demon like you.." Jake nods his head condescendingly.

Turning indignantly towards the wolf, Edward argues, "I don't want that, I've never wanted that."

"So stop them."

"I tried; I left."

Meeting his gaze with fire, Jake states, "you gave up too quickly. If you'd stayed away another six months, I could have made them happy. Trust me, you have to consider.. that I might be better for them than you are."

"I have considered that. I know you can protect them; you can give them a life, a human life, that's all I want for them. I'm not.. I'm not going to force them into anything, ever again. Last time I tried, it almost killed us both."

"Yeah.. that I remember.."

Jake continues, "When you thought they were gone, that you'd lost them, how did you.. cope?"

"There are no words," Edward sorrowfully meets Jacob's gaze. "But I wouldn't wish it on anyone, Jacob.." he pauses. "This might sound odd.. but I'm glad you're here.."

Jake chuckles, "Meaning: 'as much as I'd love to kill you, I'm glad they're warm'."

Edward smirks and shake his head lightly, "If we weren't natural enemies, and you weren't trying to steal my reason for existing," he nods towards you, "I might actually like you.."

"Well, if you weren't planning on sucking the life out of the person I love, I might.." Jacob laughs quietly, "no.. not even then-"

At that Edward smiles to himself.

"-but they can still change their mind, ya'know?"

"Then I'd let them go.."

.

You woke up to an empty tent and decided to use the privacy to quicky get ready. Thankfully the storm had completely died down and all that was left was a beautiful layer of white snow across the mountaintop.

Stepping outside, a grey-brown wolf walks up to you, whom you recognize as Seth. As you greet the young werewolf, you see Edward make his way towards you.

"Where's Jacob? Did he already.."

"Not yet," he responds. "He's checking to see if the woods are clear before he goes."

Taking Edward's glance as a cue to leave, Seth bounds away into the trees, leaving the two of you alone.

"Sorry about last night, it couldn't have been easy on you.."

"It definitely won't make my list of top 10 favorite nights."

Chuckling disbelief, you ask, "You have a list?"

"All ten I spent with you.." He pauses, almost as if making sure of something before ending with, "Number one is when you said you'd marry me.. Mr/s/x. Cullen."

Before you can deny or ask Edward what the hell he was talking about, Jacob cleared the tree line.

"You're marrying him?"

Startled, you go to move towards him, but Jacob takes a step back, jaw set in anger.

"Jake, I.. No-" but he's already leaving.

Turning toward Edward you seeth, "You knew he was listening! Jake, stop-"

Reaching out to grab you as you start after Jacob, Edward mutters, "Y/n-"

"Don't!" Brushing him off, you continue down the incline to catch up with Jake.

"Jake, stop!"

Catching up to him you try again, "Jake, please-"

"I'm done. I'm so done."

"He- he was lying, " you desperately try stop him.

"Yeah, right.."

"What can I do?"

Turning to face you, he snarls, "you can't do anything, but I can. By going out there and killing something!"

"N-no! You're not thinking clearly, don't do that!"

"Maybe I'll get myself killed and make it simple for you.."

"No! Just.. Jake stay," you plead on the verge of panicking.

"Why?" He steps closer, "give me one good reason.."

"Because I don't want to lose you.."

Shaking his head, he says, "it's not good enough."

"'cause you're too important.."

".."

"Still not good enough," he turns to start leaving again.

Knowing there's only one thing you can say that will truly get though to him, you yell, "Jacob!"

He stops but stays facing away from you. Faltering as you know what this will mean, you can't help but to realize how easy the words come to you.

Taking a deep breath, you say it.

"Kiss me!"

He turns to face you, a look of apprehension on his face.

"I'm asking you.. to kiss me," you repeat as you meet his gaze.

Taking long strides to reach you, he hesitates before slamming his lips to yours. Kissing back, you bring your hands to tangle in his hair as both of his grip your waist. Pressed against each other on the mountaintop, cold air surrounding your heated bodies, you kiss until you're both out of breath.

Foreheads resting against each other, you breathe in each other's air as you catch your breath. Jacob's hand comes up to hold your face as he kisses you one more time.

"That should have been our first kiss.." he whispers. "I gotta go.. I'll be back."

He leaves to join the rest of the pack, leaving you to reflect on your choice, which, while made unexpectedly sudden, felt so right.

.

[jazzstarrlight]

Curtisson & Toppat-Neo Part.2

I shuffled up the driveway slowly as voices played in my head like flashbacks "The chief and right hand… I… I failed them all." "Welcome Back, Svensson." "Let's run away. Forget the Toppat's. Forget the Topcaps and your revenge!"

Making my way through the silent café; already locked up for the night, "It's Sven! Sven Svensson! Leader of the Toppat clan! The Toppat's you sent to the wall!" "I may be Swedish, but I'll whoop your ass like a Russian spy!" "And two, with a push of this button, I can blow your head SKY HIGH!"

And finally, taking off my shoes in front of the kitchen archway by the apartment entrance, "The heart of a man is more fragile than it looks."

My clothes feel heavy and wet with dark red stains. I think my arm is bleeding but I don't feel any pain. I don't feel anything. I was asked to do something unspeakable. Something that Toppats are supposed to avoid at all costs; not make it a mission! I protested this mission shouldn't even exist but Carol-I mean-Sir threatened to power up 'Burts new accessory' as she put it.

I just finished assassinating 5 government officials within 24 hours. Do I dare tell Burt? This is too much.

"Sven?" Burt came out of the bedroom, peering into my hollow eyes as I steadily regained consciousness. "My god, what happened to you!? Your clothes…"

He didn't finish before I fell into his arms, breaking down.

Sometime later, I had changed into comfortable and not-so-bloody clothes as Burt wrapped my wounds in gauze. I lightly sip my tea, after calming down.

Burt finished first aid and sat back with a hard sigh. "How are you feeling now? Willing to talk about your mission?" I stayed silent, gripping my cup tighter. "Alright. I won't force you if you're not ready to talk about it. Must've been one heck of a heist. It's ok, sunflower. Take your time."

He leaned me onto his shoulder, with a clear view of the shock collar. "I'm sorry."

"Hmn?" His neck vibrated. "Sorry for what?"

"For… For all of this. We… I should've just moved on as soon as we broke out of the Wall. But now… Now I… you…" I couldn't stop the tears from falling again.

Burt cupped my cheek to lift my head; eye to eye, "Shhhh. Sh, sh, sh, sh. Sven. There's nothing we could've done to stop Carol. She would've found us and pulled the same trick. In that 'what if' we'd be rustier than we are now. I think this is the better timeline."

That's right. "Timelines…" I sit up and start thinking. "What if… What if I get sensitive information to…" all of a sudden I feel queasy from the next words to come out of my mouth. "...to… Stickmin and the Government?"

The shock on Burt's face was not surprising. "You would be a mole!? Betray our friends?!"

"Friends!? They strapped a dog collar to your neck! Burt, Carol has changed. They all changed. The Toppats used to be honorable thieves. But the Neo-Toppats… there's no honour, no dignity, just cold and blood-thirsty eyes. Especially with that Clementine girl. They're all psychopaths or sociopaths…maybe even both!" I noticed myself getting louder and stopped.

Gazing down to my knees, In a hushed tone, "They ordered me to go on a murder spree today. Members of the conservatives. I mean… they deserved it, yes, but… it was a lot of blood."

A few seconds of silence pass and Burt finishes processing my rant. "Didn't you shoot up a school before joining the Toppats?"

An improper chuckle escaped my throat. "It wasn't up close. Face to face. Hearing those scumbags plea for their lives."

Burt pulled me in close. "If you do this, they will kill you."

"I'm aware of how dangerous this is. But it's the only way. We… I have to do something to stop Carol and I think I know just the file to get the Gov't on their feet."

——————————————————————————

The next day, I began leaking files to the Gov't. I first had to steal a copy of some files from the Toppat-Neo's computers and that night printed them off, slipping them into a tan file folder I labelled "BreadCrumbs/TopSecret/Danger."

Now, I have to figure out where would be the best place to drop this?

The Pilot's weekly routine hasn't changed since the time I stalked Triple Threat back in the Topcap days. I easily found him distracted in the chip aisle; mumbling to himself which bag would Henry like. I wore Burt's black hoodie and covered my head, walking passed and slipped the file into his basket, now watching at the end of the aisle.

Charle's P.O.V:

"Hmm. Henry's favourite seems to be sold out. I think he might enjoy the off-brand stuff maybe. We should be saving after all. Yeah, I'll get him the off-brand creamy dill." I reach over to pick up a few bags and turn to place them in my cart, noticing an unusual item on top of the pancake mix. "Hu?" I pick up the folder and open it. Paperclipped items and a sticky note that says "help" sit inside. My eyes widen, "It can't be…" looking around, I confirm that I'm alone and close the file. "The General really needs to see this."

Back to Sven:

I see Calvin rush out the store after purchasing his groceries, with the file in his bag. "It's done." The Gov't now knows the existence of Toppat-Neo. I may go down with them… But please…

Please save him, Henry Stickmin.

To be continued…

[ahjustroza]

I saw a hc post abt how Last Legacy love interests react to MC actually going back to Earth,so can I ask some hcs abt this one? I'm curious of what you come up with!!

I actually made the same request to @lucigucci !!

For this ask, I had to play the entire game once again because I couldn't come up with anything. Hope you'll like it!

MC Going Back to Earth Headcanon

Warning: Sad feelings and pain...

Anisa

Before giving in to her emotions she will make sure to not miss anything important for your return to Earth

She'll check with important magical necessaries for the portal

Check if you have everything you would possibly need

If you ate well

Will check twice everything she prepared for you to take with you to remember her

She will also give you the Orlando postcard

It is important to her but also you two shared many memories together talking about Earth looking at the postcard

She knows when you visit Orlando you will remember her

After she is done with everything

The realization of you actually leaving her will hit her HARD

She knew you for only months but fell for you in a way with no return

You became her breath

The meaning, the cause she wanted to live further

The center of her life

Her priority

Her peace

Her shelter, and safe place

If only she could stay in your arms for a little longer...

If only she could find a way to see you again

The smell your scent while she buried her nose to your neck

To your hair...

She misses you always

Even for a couple of minutes without you within her eyesight makes her feel troubled

She misses you to death before even you leave her...

She will use all her strength to not cry in front of you

But the moment you hugged her and kissed her the last time she broke

She never struggled like this

Never felt hurt like this

The devs mentioned that each character will have multiple endings, so I headcanon two different happy endings in this situation

One is being Anisa letting you go while she stays in Astraea

She knows that she might not be able to fit in

You are people of two different worlds

Quite literally

And it shows

Anisa however will never love again after you

She will refuse every potential partner both in her romantic life or in her bed

She will confess her feelings for you and give you her hair ribbon as well as the most painfully mesmerizing kiss...

The other ending being Anisa leaving Astraea with you.

She is half-human and can tell people that her marks on her face are tattoos on Earth

She will see this as an opportunity to start a new life

Without the guilt of who her parents are and what they have done

Without the danger of magical monsters or assassins tracking her all around

She is smart, a quick learner, and curious about Earth

With your support, she can get used to life on Earth and get a job

I am thirsty for Anisa as a workout or martial art trainer

But I can also see her going to college and finish it quicker than expected to work in a school

Counselor Anisa

You two will travel the world together

No matter the lifestyle you live Anisa is happy

She doesn't need a lot of money

All she needs is you

Also another surprise, she doesn't miss Astraea one bit

You are what she calls home now.

Sage

I am a Sage hoe myself but I can't see him leave Astraea with you

He can't fit in to Earth

He has to be free and living on Earth means he has to follow so many rules that he struggles to understand

Also Sage will absolutely refuse to leave Tulsi behind

There are only two people he actually cares about in this world

You and Tulsi

You two are his family and home

He is a family guy

And oh my god does he want to make his family larger secretly

Sage is a character that struggles with emotional confessions

He is also a good liar

So even tho he wants a future with you

If you want children, raise your children together (adopted/surrogacy/biological/a found family...)

Finally settling down and actually live in a home

Sage will experience the feeling of home with you the first time

He never felt safer and not worried about being vulnerable to someone

Having family dinners, family meetings with auntie Tulsi...

Celebrating anniversaries

Getting yourselves in trouble and moving to a different town

Even though he would fight the gods themselves to have this future with you, he will not tell you to stay

He will not say anything at all

He'll watch you and make sure to prepare everything for your return

And to make sure of your security during the process

You will look into his eyes each passing hour, hoping him to say something

Anything

But he will not

He'll only give you his signature soft half-smile with tired eyes

He will drink the entire day before your depart

Spend the whole night with you

Watch you sleep

Memorize your face

Your body

Will listen to your breathing

He will take everything he can get to never forget you

Also, cry too

Silently

Without you noticing

Tears will fall down to the pillow one by one

He wants to scream and tell you to stay but he can't force you to do anything you don't want

Any word out of his mouth might make you change your mind and do the opposite of what you want to do

You have a family too and you have to see them

A life you have to return to...

So if you don't say that you want to stay he will stay silent forever

If you choose to leave, do give him something to remind him of you

A necklace? Your laser pointer? Your foam sword?

He will carry whatever you give him with him

Always

Until the day he dies

Let's say you gave him a necklace, anyone who knew you will feel the pain in Sage when they see him still wearing the necklace after all those years...

He will never love again. It was a one-time thing.

He will not open up to anyone

He will not let anyone see the real Sage the way you did

He might have bed partners but it is not emotional

He is in pain and will either drink or throw himself somewhere to spend the night without thinking anything

But that can only happen if he is too drunk to remember what happened the night before

If you choose to stay, he will feel relieved

Guilty too but mostly relieved

He will build the future he desires with you

But will also look for ways to make you visit Earth and come back

Felix

I don't think Felix can fit in the Earth either

He grew up as the Arcmage's son and spent all his life studying magic

He can't live in a world where magic doesn't exist

He can't live a lifestyle where he will have to learn everything anew

I just think he is too sensitive for our world.

But unlike Sage and Anisa, Felix will ask you to stay

He'll ask you to stay and live a crazy but full of love life with him

He'll promise to take care of you since he is filthy rich

Then admit his fears of losing another lover

If you decide to leave he will feel betrayed and abandoned at first

He'll cry, then disappear for a while, then appear and tell you that you gave him a lot of hope

And disappear once again

He'll get drunk and then cry loudly too...

After Rime, you taught him how to love again

You made him feel safe and supported

Accepted for who he is...

You taught him how to properly love someone

No toxicity

No lies

No rivalry

He only wants to sleep in a bed in your arms around him not wake up for years

The idea of you leaving him hurts like someone stabs a dagger into his heart

He'll start to believe that this is his cruel destiny

To be the one stays while the other leave

He wants to follow you but he knows he can't live with you on Earth

He couldn't even fit in his own house yet...

Once he cooled down he'll admit how important your life back at home to you

And how it is his fault to steal that life away from you by bringing you to Astraea

He will open the portal for you himself

He is not trusting anyone else for this work

Before you leave he will tell you that he loves you and promise to never forget you

Here comes the pain

But he might fall in love again after you

You will always have a different place in his heart and in his memories though!

Felix did try to bring someone he fell for back from death then fall in love with someone else

I just think he will be more flexible with what life brings in front of him

And get even more depressed with time...

If you accept his offer and choose to stay his eyes will see nothing but you from that day and forward

You are officially his spouse now, no ceremony necessary

You will go on the vacation you both need and deserve then get a house to live together

You two will be the scary power couple

People will talk about you two as "the small necromancer and his spouse- yes the spouse. They are the one that fought the Lord of Shadows and the undead Rime. I also heard they got a relic the moment they stepped on Astraea- I KNOW it is crazy..."

Felix will share everything he owns with you, even his thoughts

He is so open to you that he knows you understand him the best

[tamcitrus]

vacation night

pairing: Benimaru Shinmon x f!reader

genre: nsfw (i really tried giving it a background, i really did)

warnings: spit play, spanking, slight dom/sub, breath play?, little degradation

words: 2.7 k

summary: working as a fire force officer you inevitably met and worked with the Seventh Company’s Captain and you grew a soft spot for him, so you went to visit him on your “vacations��

tam’s notes: it’s finally here, my first Fire Force fic. I knew as soon as I saw this man that I had to write for him. I hope my fellow Benimaru lovers enjoy reading this as much as I did while writing it.

tags: @writeiolite​ , @shinsotired​ , @loneveenas​ , @vventure​

"Ugh, you here again?" Benimaru walked past you and his friend, with the twins behind him. "I'm not interested in what you have to say, so please leave."

He was already in the next room when he finished talking.

"I'm sorry, he's… stubborn," Konro explained.

"Oh, don't worry, Konro-san. I can assure you I'm even more stubborn," you laughed. "Do you know a nice place where I can stay the night? I won't bother him now, I don't want to ruin your dinner."

"We have extra rooms, you can stay here if you like."

"Thanks. I'll take a look around the city and I'll be back," you smiled at the gentle man that made you company until now.

You walked around the city, bought some candies and went to sit by the river under the moonlight. A few minutes later you heard steps behind you and a big arm brushed yours when a person sat by your side.

"Why are you still here? Didn't I make myself clear?" Benimaru couldn't understand what it was about you that made him nervous.

"I'm not here for official business," you explained.

You were sitting on a bench facing the river and the man by your side had his back facing the river. You couldn't quite see the other's face but it wasn't necessary.

"I might apply for a new company," you whispered.

"We don't take people outside Asakusa," he anticipated.

"You don't."

"I'm not in charge."

"I'll ask Konro-san then."

"Tsk," he clicked his tongue and sighed. "Why―?"

"I like Asakusa. I'd like to be away from the Holy Sol Temple for a while…"

"Take some vacations," he said as if it was the most obvious thing ever.

You burst out in laughter. You couldn't believe a man this powerful could be so dense sometimes.

"I'm not making myself clear, I see. I'm here for you.”

He sighed. He had his suspicions and he was right.

“I don’t have time for this,” he answered.

You stayed silent. You had your suspicions too. Benimaru Shinmon didn’t look like a man interested in a relationship or any kind of romance. He had his job and his kingdom. And he was satisfied with it.

“Try not to wake up anyone when you come back to the headquarters,” he said as he walked away.

You smiled at him and observed his shadow disappear in the night. It was ok, you weren't hurt. It was just a simple crush on him, not like he was the love of your life or something. He could be but whatever.

You waited a few long minutes to stand up and walk back to the Seventh Company headquarter. Konro left a note with the room he had prepared for you and a little map to not get lost or get into someone else’s room, all of them marked with an X. You walked there and stared at the ceiling for another long period of time. You weren’t getting any sleep that night, you just knew, so you decided to leave. But you couldn’t leave without any notice so you wrote a note for Benimaru and walked to his door ―which Konro kindly pointed in the map with a different mark― to leave it there.

Once there, the curiosity bit you. You couldn’t hear anything, not even the slightest sign of his breathing, so you slowly opened the door to get inside and deliver your note.

It all happened so fast. You barely saw a flash of fire and then a hand in your throat had you pinned against the wall, without making a sound.

“Easy there, destruction king,” you said. He had your throat in one hand and your hand with the note in the other. “It's just me.”

“I could’ve killed you. What the fuck―?”

“Just wanted to leave a note before going my way,” you interrupted, as calm as you could with him all over you. “I didn’t think you would be so territorial.”

“Do you know how many people have tried something against me? Sneaking here and shit?”

“Pretty sure after a few tries they learned their lesson,” you joked.

“Are you leaving?” he asked without letting go even a little bit.

“I had a nice stay here today but I have to go,” you shrugged.

“What are you even wearing? In the middle of the night are you gonna walk out like this? Without a uniform?”

“A dress. Civilian clothes, Beni, I'm on vacation, remember? You should try it sometime,” you said, the pressure on your neck a bit lighter. “You’d look good without―”

Without your uniform, that's what you wanted to say. His mouth was over yours before you could mock him one more time. You made him come closer to you with your leg around his waist. He let go your arm and neck to grab your legs, you held to his shoulders to jump and cling to him. His torso had you against the wall as his hands explored your thighs.

You didn’t waste a second thinking about how he rejected you a few hours ago. You couldn't focus on anything else but his hands and his tongue, that wet muscle that was now tracing the veins from your neck to your shoulder. You moaned as his big hands grabbed your ass as hard as he could. He walked to his bed and let you fall there, as if you weighed nothing. You gasped when you felt your body hit his mattress. He was taking off his clothes without getting his eyes off of you for a second. It was almost like a lion stalking his prey before jumping to its neck to end the job.

“You’re big under all those oversized clothes,” you commented.

“You talk a lot,” he said.

“Want me to use my mouth for something else besides talking?” you smiled, you put up the most innocent smile that you could in that situation.

He sighed and rolled your dress up to your waist to position himself between your legs. You rolled your eyes at him even when he couldn’t see you. He bit your inner thigh and you closed your legs on pure instinct. You tried to, at least, but Benimaru’s hands held your legs at a safe distance from his head as he kept going up your skin and finally got to the point. He kissed your clothed clit and his mouth went up to your pelvis and belly until he met your dress again. He clicked his tongue and stood up to take your dress in his hands and ripped it apart, like it was a buttoned shirt.

You opened your mouth to complain but all you left out was a moan when you felt Benimaru’s mouth over your nipple. You tangled your hands in his hair and you were surprised by how soft it was. You threw your arm down between your bodies and took his erection on your hand to jack him off. He was… huge. Just like everything else on him, he was big and intimidating. His broad shoulders and chest, his big hands that could easily cover your whole face in one touch, he was just so powerful and big.

“What’s wrong?” he said and stopped to look at you. His different eyes looked at you through long locks of hair and even in the dark you could see a little blush on his face.

“Nothing,” you cleared your throat and moved your hand again before spacing out in your thoughts again.

Why get lost in a thought if you had the original one all over your body and kissing you in that same moment? You pulled his hair to hear him make some noise one more time, just in case you were dreaming. He growled when you moved your hips up and grinded your wet underwear against his bare dick.

“Just fuck me already, Beni,” you whispered on his ear as you tried to get rid of your underwear.

He helped you to get it off and then step back to admire your naked form on his bed. He also set your panty on fire, as if that little piece of fabric just did the most unforgivable thing to him. You giggled as you bent your knees and spread your legs open for him. He stood right in front of you again and took two of his fingers to his mouth and then to your pussy. You wiggled your hips at his touch so he rested one knee between your legs and put his other hand around your neck to try to keep you still.

You held to his bicep with both hands ―yes you needed both to get a hold around his arm― and moaned. You moved your hips desperately, silently begging for more. Without letting go of your throat he took his dick and teased your entrance, going up and down with his tip full of precum.

He could tease you like this the whole night just to watch you squirm and whine under his hands. But the reality was he wanted to fuck you just as much as you did. So he finally gave you -and himself- what you wanted. You arched your back at the feeling of him stretching you. Even with all the teasing and preparation you still needed a minute to adjust to his huge erection. He could be a bit rough with you but he still waited for you to signal him to keep going and when you squeezed his arm he took it as his signal.

He started thrusting slow, taking his time to see his dick disappearing between your folds. Once he had enough of that hypnotic view, he pushed himself balls deep into you, like his life depended on it. The pleasure clouded your mind, you had no space for something that wasn’t him right now, nor mentally or physically.

“Oh god fuck,” you whispered when he threw one of your legs over his shoulder and started thrusting in a new position. 

You couldn’t hear anything besides his heavy breathing, your moans and the constant skin-against-skin sounds. He pulled out and bent down to kiss you again.

“Turn around,” he ordered and you obeyed without a thought.

He slapped your ass and you screamed as you shut your eyes. You couldn’t hear him or see what he was doing so the expectation only added to your arousal. Then you felt his palm again on your skin and your pussy clenched around nothing.

“Again, p-please,” you said.

He chuckled and obliged. Your ass had three red marks with his hand shape and he felt proud of it. He used his fingers on you again as he kissed your spine up until he finally reached your head and whispered in your ear.

“Do you like it when I’m rough with you?” he asked. His deep voice made you feel like you were dreaming.

You nodded with desperate energy. You just wanted his dick inside you again, stretching you so good it almost hurted. And as he could read your mind, he kneeled behind you and used his hands to elevate your hips and thrust again into you. Seeing your ass hit against his pelvis was a glorious sight, he could feel himself on the edge of an orgasm just with it. But he couldn't do that to you. He took a fistful of your hair and pulled back so you couldn't muffle your moans with his cover anymore.

Beni fuck, holy sun and derivatives were the only things you could say between your moans and screams of pleasure. He slapped your ass again with all his strength when his thrusts became sloppy. Sweat dripped from his face to your back and tears of pleasure threatened to fall from your eyes if he kept that monstrous rhythm while ramming into you.

"This is what you wanted, right? Why don't you cum so I can see how bad you wanted this?" he said and slapped you again.

You moaned his name and your arms gave up to your weight and the strength of Benimaru's thrusts. He used a hand to touch your clit and rub it. That was your limit. Your climax hit you and you couldn't even keep your hips up, you collapsed on the bed as the man behind you observed as you struggled to catch your breath. He pumped his dick a few times before he started grinding against your ass and sucking bruises on your neck and shoulder, holding his weight with his hands on both sides of your head.

You felt cornered, trapped under his body and his dick still grinding between your ass cheeks, but you wanted more. So you asked for it.

"Such a good subordinate," he said as he made you roll on your back again.

He took your legs and threw them over his shoulders as he aligned his cock with your pussy to thrust again. He spit over his dick and your clit before starting to move, massaging over your sensitive organ to make you clench on him as he moved forward.

"Fuck," he hissed. He was balls deep inside you again but he didn't move this time.

You whined at the feeling of his cock stretching you again. It almost hurted, to feel him fill you like that and not move an inch.

He was biting his lower lip. You tried to move and he held your hips to make you stop.

"What's the rush?" he whispered and you were on the verge of tears again.

He knew what was the rush. He felt it too, your walls clenching on his dick, your legs trembling on his shoulders with the denial of pleasure.

He sighed. He couldn't keep his façade much longer, his balls ached for release. So he moved again, back and forward, hitting your cervix each time. You screamed and cried, it was too much. First nothing and then too much at once. You had your second and faster orgasm of your life. Benimaru lost it too, finally giving his body release, filling you up with his cum. He stood still again, feeling your pussy frantically clamping on his dick as your climax went down and your legs shaked still over his broad shoulders.

When you could breathe normally again he pulled out of you, cum dripping from your cunt and his dick to the bed.

You observed as he walked outside naked and came back with towels. You sat on the bed as you could, your legs were still shaking. Benimaru helped you to get up and cleaned you before taking off the covers and sheet of his bed.

"You shouldn't walk around naked, what if someone sees you?" you said. What if someone heard us, you thought.

"My room is the only one occupied on this wing, no one's around," he answered. "You can still stay here tonight."

"Here in the seventh or…?"

He didn't answer but he threw you one of his giant shirts before putting on some underwear and walking out again to get clean sheets. You walked out to the bathroom next to his room to wash your face and body. You would have marks in a few hours on a lot of places. You took your bag that was forgotten in the hallway and rushed inside his room again, you were still ashamed that someone saw you.

Benimaru was already sprawled on his bed, semi-naked and with one arm stretched to his side. You took that as an invitation to use it as a pillow as you laid by his side and tiredness finally took over your body.

When you woke up, Beni was gone. You assumed he was already working. You got dressed and you were ready to leave (again). When you walked outside, hoping no one was around, you were met by a soft oh that scared you.

"Konro-san, good morning!" you nervously smiled.

"Good morning. Did you enjoy your stay?"

You couldn't tell if he was joking or not, but you decided it was the latter. He didn't look the type to laugh at a nervous woman.

"I did, thank you. Your map was really helpful," you tried to joke now. "I have to go now, sadly. My vacations will be over soon."

"Come to see us whenever you like, I'm sure Waka will be pleased," he smiled.

"Thanks, again. See you next time," you said and walked away after slightly bowing to him.

[ruinous-robes]

Chapter 10: And So The Sky Fell

Aaand here we are! My last entry for Lortober, here at the very buzzer. I owe getting my motivation back to this event, so I'm eternally grateful. This prompt is for the alternative prompt of "offering."

I'm putting a big content warning here for depictions of panic attacks from the point of view character. If that's something that you have problems with, please be well aware.

Also, as so many have asked, this story is finally fully updated on ao3! And I don't do this often, but I do actually have a song that pairs with this chapter :>

I hope everyone enjoys! This officially wraps up arc 1, and I should be back briefly with the start of the next leg of this journey.

Achilles found him just as Patroclus had finished bandaging his leg with the remains of his ruined robes. Patroclus didn’t hear him — Achilles walked silently, every step carefully placed — but he would know him anywhere: in the dark, in a crowded room, even in death. 

Achilles sat down beside him on the hard stone of the courtyard. They were all supposed to dance there, before the night had gone to hell. All of the lanterns were still lit, hanging from the greenery and columns. Patroclus could see him out of the corner of his eye. Achilles’ nose had stopped bleeding, but the claw marks were still angry and red. Patroclus thought it might scar. Achilles, too, was wearing his ruined, bloody chiton. He had washed his paws, at least, and he held something in a box between them. 

Achilles cleared his throat, opening up the box. “I’m not much of a medic, but I think I can at least restitch your leg, if you’ll let me.”

There once was a wolf who loved the earth but chased the sun. 

Patroclus offered his leg. He still didn’t say anything as Achilles removed his hastily done bandages. 

Achilles hissed when he saw the damage. Patroclus had already seen it. He doubted that it would ever heal right, that he would ever walk without a pronounced limp again. It was a small price to pay, he supposed. After all, Aster wouldn’t, either. 

Patroclus felt manic laughter bubbling up and shoved it back down. He didn’t feel very okay, not at all. 

“Patroclus? Hey, you there?”

He was as fast as the moon and stars, and one day, he came very close to catching it. 

Patroclus forced himself to nod, to look Achilles in his eyes. A part of himself calmed when there was that same kindness he had known from before. He found that he had needed to see it, to make sure that no matter what cruelty Achilles was capable of, he could come back to himself. 

“I— I’m so sorry, for everything. For lying, for… for running away. For— for this.” He didn’t have to elaborate. “But something just came over me. I— I couldn’t even stop myself. He was hurting you.” 

A long beat of silence passed. Patroclus barely felt the needle or the sting of himself being pieced back together. He trusted Achilles. He trusted him to put him together and to tear him apart. It didn’t much matter to Patroclus. He supposed there wasn’t much of a difference. 

Below, all the creatures cheered him on, but the earth knew it was a doomed quest, and cried, for its words could not reach the wolf, high in the sky as he was. 

When Achilles spoke again, his voice shook. “… you aren’t afraid of me, are you?”

That shook Patroclus a little more awake. “Never. I could never fear you, Achilles.”

Achilles searched his eyes, and seemed satisfied with what he saw there. “Good. That’s… that’s good.”

Again, that silence. Even the breeze had settled, like it was waiting for something. They had only the screaming of the night insects, far off in the distance. If Patroclus listened hard enough, he could hear wolves speaking inside the palace. He couldn’t care less. 

“I— I know this is probably the absolute worst time to say this, Pat, but I don’t think I can live with myself if I don’t say something now—“

As the wolf sank his teeth into the sun’s surface, he caught fire and fell all the way back down, blazing like a star as he went and struck down in a bed of yarrow and black clay.

“— But I meant it. I am in love with you, and that scared me. It scared me so bad. I’ve never felt the way I feel about you—“

The earth covered his broken body with mountains and rivers, and never again loved anything that walked its surface.

“— and maybe this is too soon, or you’ll think I’m crazy for even saying this. Hell, I think maybe I am, saying this after I just… just cut off a guy’s paws, but…”

Patroclus prayed to the Creator who he knew didn’t care about him for Achilles to stop. 

“But I would like to spend my life with you. If you’ll have me. For real, this time. M-maybe not right now, obviously! I know this is sudden and crazy and—“

“I can’t marry you, Achilles. Ever.” 

Patroclus wasn’t looking at him anymore, but he could feel Achilles’ heart crack. It made him hate himself, more than a little bit. 

“What?” He sounded so small. 

“I’m supposed to kill you,” Patroclus said. His voice was hollow, tinny. He felt like he was underwater. 

“Patroclus, what are you talking about? You saved my life.” Achilles sounded confused and more than a little distressed. 

“That was that time, but— but the Spinner’s will isn’t always good. It isn’t always what I want. You remember what I told you, about my first vision? That’s my sacred mission. It always has been from the start. I’m supposed to make sure you die, and you die in the way the Spinner wants and I— I…”

Patroclus stared down at his wings, thought of all the threads he had pulled and changed and snipped in pursuit of this awful, horrible mission he had been set on. He knew that the Creators could be cruel. He knew that their wills expanded far past his own, but it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair to do this to Patroclus. It wasn’t fair to let him have everything he ever wanted — to love and be loved — and to ask him to give it all up willingly, with a smile on his face. 

His vision was blurry; he couldn’t breathe.

He felt himself break. 

“I don’t want to do this anymore!” he sobbed. 

Patroclus was dying, he thought. This was what it felt like to die. Maybe he was actually bleeding out on the floor on the stage, back inside, and was only imagining the freedom of the beautiful open skies and plains as a death mirage. Maybe Aster had actually ripped his throat out. It couldn’t hurt much worse than this. Somehow, he ended up flat on his back, with his wings spread-eagled. The stars wheeled above him, dim from the light of the lanterns. They looked like his threads who never showed him the future he wanted. 

How could you do this to me? he screamed in his mind. There was no answer. There was never an answer. Above him, the stars twinkled. He felt mocked. 

His head was being cushioned, and something tickled across his cheeks and his ears, sticking his fur up in all manner of wild directions. It took him a moment to realize Achilles was licking him methodically: gently across his cheek, the back of his ears, occasionally just above his eyebrow. It felt… nice— the rhythm, the way he could predict each motion and the feel of it. Slowly, his chest stopped heaving, and the stars stopped circling, sitting in place. His eyes were still watery, and he brushed at them with his still glittery green claw. 

“There you are,” Achilles said. He flopped his head against Patroclus’ shoulder so that Patroclus had to crane his neck to look down at him. “You scared the shit out of me.”

Patroclus huffed a strangled laugh. His eyes hurt now. “I’m sorry for that.”

“Don’t you dare apologize to me for having a panic attack. It’s not your fault.”

Patroclus didn’t know what to say to that, so he didn’t say anything. He just looked up at the unfeeling stars again, where his Creator watched him. They were probably disgusted with him. 

It hit him suddenly that he didn’t think he much cared. 

“I totally get it if you don’t wanna talk about what just happened, but… you realize you aren’t the only one who gets to decide, right?” Achilles said. “Even if I’m supposed to die, and you’re supposed to be some scary, evil warden of death, and there’s nothing anyone can do to change that, then I should still get a say. I’d much rather it be you taking me there than to live without you because you think you’re some irredeemable monster.”

That struck Patroclus like a bolt of lightning. He sat up, displacing Achilles’ head and instead turning fully to look at him. “You mean that?”

“Well, I mean… you said yourself that futures can change. I just think it would suck if you did all of this, and I still died anyway.”

The gears in Patroclus’ mind turned. The future could change. And… and maybe if the Fatespinner lost their acting hand, maybe then it would turn around. 

Maybe Patroclus didn’t have to do this anymore at all. 

“I think… I think I’m done,” he said. “Yeah. I think I’m through.”

“… with us? Because you really could’ve cut me off if you were just gonna still gonna say no—“

“No, no, Achilles. I’m done with Fate. I’m done with Weaving. If they want you to die, then they’ll have to find someone else to keep their blasted webs straight. I think I’m perfectly fine to live not knowing what the next day will bring.”

Patroclus, with a great deal of effort, heaved himself to his feet. His body hurt all over, like the night was catching up with him. The courtyard sat on top of a hill overlooking the oasis, where the trading ships came and went. The water rippled gently below, reflecting the light of the moons. The breeze of the sea wafted salt into his nose, ruffling his fur. He pulled on his pendant until the chain snapped. 

He looked down at the paw sized stone, carved with its lion head. 

You want sacrifice? he thought venomously. I’ll show you my damn sacrifice. 

With all of his strength, he hurled the stone as far as it would go, and he turned away. He never saw if it made it to the sea. He didn’t care. 

Patroclus turned back to Achilles, who was watching him closely, some unnameable emotion in his eyes. “You may very well still die, but I’ll be with you until the very end. I swear it on my life.” 

“You didn’t have to do all that,” Achilles said softly. Now it looked like he might cry. 

Patroclus stepped closer, wrapping a wing around Achilles’ shoulder and burying his nose in the salt-sweet smell of his fur. “No, but I wanted to.”

There had been a wire tightening around Patroclus’ neck from the moment he was born, silvery and deadly. He had grown accustomed to the snare over the years, how it made him bleed and crushed at his windpipe. It had almost felt like a friend. 

He didn’t know how nice it felt to breathe freely. 

“Let’s go inside,” Patroclus said. “I’m tired of the cold.”

[disemboweled-fish-pastry]

Welcome!!! It’s so exciting to still see new people joining! After all, we all played the same game and spent the same amount of time on it, so the time when we joined doesn’t really matter at all. :D

That’s bumming but on the positive side, you can get them later on again when you feel like doing a replay. I bet it will be satisfying, to come back to the game after some time and watch your cg gallery fill once again.

Aren’t we all whales of some sort

but I'm glad you found tricks so it's at least something, but I bet it must’ve still been frustrating losing the content. You may have already seen it but if you like-to really turn into a whale and sell your heart to Saeyoung to get some bonus content and physical merch, you might wanna check the RFA VIP/Special believer packages out. They among other stuff also give a bunch of hourglasses and unlimited calling cards for everyone. http://msg.cheritz.com (I know it might look shady at first but I promise it's an actual legit site xD) you can find more information there than on Cheritz Market + it has really cute bonus comic material!

Don’t worry!! I’m happy I could be your first ask! Hopefully, you will get even more in the future. :> My day was kinda rough actually, but it gave me a smile when I saw you interacting with my post! I am usually very passive in fandoms but Mystic Messenger just has a special place in my heart, and I totally love interacting with people who played it! I hope your day will also treat you well!

Heyo, hi again~ :"3

Perhaps~ It's been more fun since I finally started sharing. I was posting just a tiny bit on my main blog some time ago, but it felt like not many of my followers there really knew much about it, so I just decided to make a separate blog. It helps me stay organized too. People who only like one thing can follow this or that, y'know.

Ye, I'm not terribly concerned about the illustrations as much. However, I did force myself not too long ago to get all of Yoosung's bad endings in one fell swoop so I wouldn't have to choose the horrible answers again, so I really hope I don't lose that illustration or chats. ^^'' I only want to give nice answers to Yoosung! :"3 💖 One illustration I lost was the one of Rika with the plants, so I'll have to replay.. I think the Ray after ending. I know I already earned that one. I lost Jaehee's Valentine's illus twice, but it's no big deal because they're free after you buy the episodes once. :p I swear I keep losing the same Zen picture on the first row in his album.

Chichichi~ Actually, if I had only known how much I would have ended up spending, I really should have just bought the VIP kits. Without getting a single thing of merch, I calculated over $200. T __T orz I actually really like the illustration on the Yoosung pillow. I have it as my banner thingy here. Maybe a plush sometime, that'd be nice. At this point I'd have to see the gains if I did end up getting the packs sometime. I need to finally get a new income then I'll think about it. + 3+ Oh man, I actually did look at the official site before I finished a playthrough actually. I still remember that one ama where the characters wear glasses and I was like "wahwahwahwah???"

Aww ♥ I'm happy~ Honestly really happy that I was able to brighten your day a bit, you brightened my day as well! ; v; I feel you, though. With Mystic Messenger, sometimes I just want to gush about something and sometimes I feel like I have no one to gush to.

[prettyandsarcastic]

when you have to be both.

herald/sidestep

1,997 words

"Can I ask you something?" 

Herald's question is whispered into the darkness of his bedroom, so quietly that January almost misses it. It's asked gently, softly, the way someone would speak to a spooked animal - and if that isn't just an apt description of January she doesn't know what else would be more fitting. 

His mind is a nervous, curious hum, almost vibrating against the walls of her mental shields. But there's a fear there as well, pawing plaintively behind the anxiety. 

She wants to tell him no. Because that's what got her into this situation, into Herald's bed, in the first place. A simple favor asked with too endearing, nerve-flushed cheeks and a bright, hopeful smile. 

She wants to tell him not right now. Because she wants to forget, just for a moment longer, about the world beyond the edges of this bed. Wants to curl up into the solid warmth of him and pretend they're just Daniel and January. 

Instead, January takes a breath and replies in the same way she doomed herself those months ago: "Asking's free."

The inhaling breath that Daniel takes is as much for courage as it is for time. His mind is now a flurry as possible reactionary scenarios to his question flit across his thoughts like a flip-comic. His best case scenario is that she'll have a similar breakdown to when January revealed her tattoos to him. His worst case is that she will leave and he'll never see her again. 

"Please," Daniel begins and January hears him lick his lips in the dark. "Don't… don't feel like you have to answer, but… how are you different… from the — others?" 

The others. 

She knows without clarification that he means the other ReGenes. The ones who could not possibly be mistaken for anything near human with their blue-grey skin and full bodied sickly orange tattoos. Meant to stand out, be seen and feared, used and recycled or discarded when they outlived their usefulness.

Not like you. 

The blanket pools at January's waist as she sits up. And the room begins to spin as she drops her head in her hand, tries to keep the panic from crumpling her lungs like tin foil. Sweat starts to dampen her hairline, is beading on her upper lip and she's terrifyingly aware of how heavily she's suddenly breathing. Her throat is achingly dry when she tries to swallow and desperately wishes she had a drink. Whiskey, bourbon, scotch, anything to burn out the bile she can already taste at the back of her tongue. 

January is desperately trying not to feel the chill of an exam table against her back. The sharp, biting pinprick of a needle at the bend of her elbow. White noise static loss of feeling in her fingers and toes from too tight restraints. The weight of sensors and their cords attached to her skin, itching with adhesive. The too clean scent of disinfectant, antiseptic overpowering the metallic tang of blood, the sour smell of sweat. Whirs and beeps and the humming of machinery drowning out the cacophony of detached, methodical thoughts — 

Daniel's hand is suddenly warm and real against her back, splayed across her shoulder blade, the tips of his fingers fitting between the notches of her spine. "Hey," he breathes. "It's okay. January, come back to me." 

She focuses on the weight of his hand on her, the navy tinted, apologetic concern of his thoughts. The ridges of certain scars beneath the pads of his fingers as he soothes his hand across her shoulders before he cups the back of her neck. If he can feel her trembling and the sweat slick on her skin, he doesn't acknowledge it. 

"I'm sorry," he says when she seems to, finally, calm. "I shouldn't have asked." 

January shakes her head, takes a deep fortifying breath. "Don't be, it's alright," she replies, and if her voice is a little wrecked, a little brittle, well...

And maybe she says it's alright because there's no malice in his thoughts. No disgust - no, never that and never because of her or anything she would ever tell him (and if that thought doesn't just make her want to laugh out loud because he has no idea). There's a definitive divide in Daniel's mind between her and the others even without January answering his question. Just as he had made the divide between Sidestep and January. 

ReGene. January. Sidestep. 

Three faces. Three masks. Three divides. She's not sure how much more Daniel can separate the pieces of her identity before the person he says he loves isn't even her. Before that person in his head becomes something he wants her to be rather than the person she is… 

Before he starts to look at you like Ortega does. With the weight of too many expectations.

She can’t even make the distinction between her masks that Daniel can. Not anymore. There are too many threads that she has to keep separate and they keep getting tangled and twisted into knots. And one day she’s going to get caught in her own spider’s web of lies and deception. ReGene. January. Sidestep. Jane. Enyo. She is all of those and more. And yet, perhaps, maybe none of them at all because she’s never had the true freedom to discover who or what she might really be.

January can't fault him for his curiosity even though she knows that she should. After all, it's not everyday the person you're in love with tells you that they're not even human. She also knows it would be better in the long run for them both if she shoved him away with all the violence trapped behind the prison of her ribcage. 

But you tried that already. 

"I'm… valuable," January finally says on an exhale. 

She sees Daniel shake his head out of the corner of her eye. "January, it’s okay you don't -"

Her fingers, gentle against the plush of his lips, cut him off. Her hand is a ruined mess compared to beauty of him. Long fingers that would be elegant were they not crooked from fractures that healed wrong or the scars on her knuckles and the jagged, chipped polish of her nails. 

"It's okay," she assures him. 

Daniel nods, his mind going soft and golden like sunrise so overwhelmingly relieved that she hasn’t run, hasn’t tried yet again to push him away. His expression remains neutral as he takes her hand, kisses the scar on her palm that itches when she’s stressed, then lightly over the pulse fluttering beneath her wrist and the haggard scar there as well. He’s not certain he could bear to be parted from her now. 

“Okay,” he replies. “Tell me.” 

So she does, haltingly at first, then with more confidence if not with more detail. It’s more a bullet point summary because truthfully she can’t bring herself to give more details. There’s things Daniel doesn’t need to know, things January doesn’t want him to know. She doesn’t want to add even more fuel to the raging wildfire of anger his thoughts have become. 

Daniel never moves to comfort her, or try to reach out and touch her again as January speaks; just sits quietly, holding his rage softly inside himself even if she can see it hardening his eyes and tightening his jaw. And even though there’s a whirlwind of questions in his mind, he never asks them, never pushes her for more than she’s willing to give. 

Not like Ortega who asks and pushes and insists because he doesn’t know how to give up without a fight and everything he’s ever let go of has bruises from how hard he holds on. Because he wants everything to fit into the image he has in his head, wants to fix everything, fix her. And it doesn’t matter to Ortega how much he cuts himself on all her sharp edges trying to piece her back together. 

“And… that’s it,” January finishes rather inelegantly. 

“So I take it that January isn’t your real name?” 

The absurdness of the question startles a laugh out of her. All the things she had just told him and that was his first question. Relief trickles down her spine, something warm and comforting curls in the pit of her stomach like a content cat. And Daniel smiles, laughs with her, beautiful and so full of adoration for her that for just a moment she hates him. Why should he still love her even now? 

“No, it’s not. They never gave us names. It was January the first time I escaped.”

“And Moreno?” 

She shrugs. “Saw it on a highway sign.” 

“This is why you never officially joined the Rangers.” It’s not really a question. 

With a sigh, January lays back against the pillows, but turns to look at Daniel. “I wouldn’t submit myself to the background check because I knew I wouldn’t pass it.” Idly, she lifts her hand, contemplates the freckles and the scars, and her crooked fingers. “There are so many things that bear my fingerprints, things I don’t remember.”

And then there are things she does remember, like shattering Herald’s knee. 

“Not to mention,” she continues, “if I had done the background check they would have found me that much faster. If they catch me this time... I don’t think I’ll be able to escape again.”

And when it comes down to it, isn’t that why she’s doing this? Why she let Sidestep rot at the bottom of the grave they dug and rose up again as Enyo? Because January won’t let The Farm get a hold of her again and there are no limitations or rules to hold her back anymore. She’ll drag their dirty secrets through the streets with bloodied hands for everyone to see… 

And what are you willing to sacrifice to see it happen? 

Daniel’s hand finds hers, strong, warm fingers threading through hers. “They’ll have to go through me first,” he insists. 

“They will,” January answers, her voice flat. “They can and they will.” 

The bed shifts suddenly as Daniel moves and then he’s over her and January shifts until her knees bracket his hips. There’s that brief flash of instinct she has, the points on Daniel’s body she needs to hit to escape, but she forces it away and blinks up at him. His eyes are intense and so, so blue and his thoughts are all the metallic steel color of stubborn determination. 

“You don’t get it. I won’t let anything happen to you,” Daniel says. And he has that look on his face again, the hard set one that he sometimes gets when they spar. He means every single word. “I won’t let anyone or anything take you from me, January.” 

“Daniel -” 

This time it’s his fingers, soft against her lips that stop her. “No,” he tells her as his hand moves, fingertips caressing the angle of her cheekbone, brushing against the bruised circles under her eyes. “I love you.” 

January sighs, if only to keep herself from giving in to the stinging at the corners of her eyes. He’s ridiculous, but he loves her and he would do anything to keep her safe and in his arms. He won’t hear her tell him how he can’t protect her, can’t keep her safe, that he won’t have a choice when The Farm finally comes for her again. 

She rises up on an elbow, catches Daniel in a kiss that he eagerly returns with a soft sound. She’s not sure if she loves him, and if she does, how would she know what love feels like? Perhaps they made her incapable of it for all she knows. But she does know that her heart hurts, feels fit to burst when Daniel presses her back into the mattress and his hands start to roam. 

You are going to ruin him. 

… Maybe. Lover or enemy. Hero or villain. Human or monster. She has to be both.

what is more unfair than having to choose  between being a monster or being a hero?

(- when you have to be both.)

when you learn that the road to hell is paved with more than just good intentions. - you are not heads or tails; you are the coin

m.a.w 

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

Dangerous Love (Pt. 11 of 13)

Pairing: Bruce Wayne (Batman) X Harley Quinn's sister!Reader

Word count: 3K

Summary: You're Harley Quinn's sister, Havoc, one of the many villain's of Gotham. But you've been caught, and has been tortured constantly for an year in Belle Reve. But when your think your life can't be anything else than the nightmare you find yourself into, Bruce Wayne, the Batman, takes you in for a project. He has a program to rehabilitate villains, and you're his lab rat. But soon enough confusing feelings start getting in the way. You know falling for Bruce is stupid. But can you keep your heart under control?

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{Justice League - DC Masterlist}

×

Plans For The Future

You're seated on your knees, on the floor, before the coffee table where several sheets of paper are scattered around. The possibilities for your future. You left the League in the cave to discuss their business and came up here to do this. But it's been twenty minutes since you wrote down the last option, and you're still clueless.

“Any luck?” Barry is suddenly seated across from you, the wind he makes with he's speed messing with the papers. But he quickly gathers them again.

“No,” you mutter, feeling a little defeated. Seconds later the others are here too, and as if they were told to, they sit all around the coffee table, on the floor. Expect for Bruce, who sits on the couch, his legs near you.

“Isn't there anything you would like to do?”

“I can't really picture myself doing anything.” Running a hand through your hair, you sigh.

“You were so excited about it in the cave. What changed?" Diana asks, and you notice how everyone seems focused on you. In the last week, since they got back from Washington, the League seems very interested in you. There's a lot of effort to make you feel comfortable, and engage you in their conversations.

“Am I going crazy or are you guys like... Trying to make me get used to normal human interaction again?” Crossing your arms, you have your answer by the way they all exchange a glance and then stare at Bruce. “I knew it.”

“How did you find out?”

“Well, right now everyone is literally seated around the coffee table with me. Except for this weirdo here.” You elbow Bruce's leg, making Barry and Arthur giggle. “You're planning to take me out, aren't you?”

“You're very perceptive.” He says as he moves to seat on the floor with you, an arm around your shoulders. “I've been thinking about it for a while.”

“Do you think I can deal with the real world?” You ask him in a lower voice. You haven't been on the streets yet, and you're not sure how you'll feel among the people.

“Yes, I do.”

“You know people will think Bruce Wayne has a girlfriend, right? If we go out and you do things like hold my hand...” You bet it won't take half an hour for his name to be on the headlines again, and the news channels will talk about it. The world will know about your existence, and every girl who has her eyes on Bruce will know they lost their chance. “You'll have to keep a distance.”

“(Y/N), we're dating. I won't keep that a secret so yes, people will have to find out eventually.” He places a soft kiss on your nose before his lips connect to yours.

“Uhm... We're still here...” Barry mutters, reminding you of the public.

Weird how it only took half a second for you to forget you have company. “So... Now that I know why you guys are still around, help me find something to major in.”

“Let's see what you have here.” Diana starts, and everyone takes a piece of paper or two. “Doctor?”

“Nope. That was just a joke.” Bending over the table a little, you take the paper from her hand. “Moving on.”

“Nurse," Arthur says.

“Vet.” Clark reads.

“All jokes.” Wanting something isn't enough, you have to feel like you can do it. And you don't think you can.

“If you become a nurse you could patch him up.” Arthur gestures at Bruce who nods.

“Sweetheart if this is what you want you just need to say and I'll help you.”

“Me? A nurse? No way, it's too much for me. I need something easier.” You're not saying you're stupid, but why put effort into something on which you'll probably fail? No need to hurt your feelings.

“So you don't think you're smart enough?” Clark asks and you nod.

“If you weren't smart you wouldn't have survived this long as a criminal. And wouldn't have escaped the prison twice. Or fooled the Joker so many times.” Bruce says, and you tilt your head to the side a little, thinking. It did take some brain to do this stuff, calculations, memorization, and some random knowledge.

“It looks like this is what you want,” Arthur mumbles, elbows on the coffee table.

Nurses help people, and that's the exact opposite of what you did. You never really enjoyed hurting people though, at least not normal civilians.

“Yeah... I've been thinking about being a practitioner nurse.”

“You've been doing some research on the subject then.” Wonder Woman raises an eyebrow.

“Yes. They can diagnose diseases, initiate treatments, and prescribe medications. They're more independent.” Shrugging your shoulders, you lean closer to Bruce. “But I don't know. Maybe we should keep looking into the other options.” Pretending you're not insecure is useless. Building a life is both exciting and terrifying.

“No. I guess we found what you want to do.” Bruce says and kisses your cheek. You bite back a smile, but it escapes anyway. “Anything as long as you're happy.”

“I can die in peace now,” Arthur says, and everyone turns their heads to look at him. He simply gestures at you and Bruce as if it would explain everything. “I lived enough to see Batman being soft with someone. The rest of my life will be dull.”

It took long enough for the funny comments to start. “Let the man be, Arthur. Everyone softens when they find love.” Diana adds.

“Aren't you a little too young to be dating Bruce actually?” Barry asks, shrugging his shoulders. “Just-just saying.”

“I haven't really thought about that,” you say.

“I have,” Bruce admits.

“Obviously. In this relationship you're the morals part.” You start gathering the sheets of paper, making a small pile. “I'm the impulse part.”

“Impulse part?”

“I did kiss you out of impulse. I was trying to control myself for quite a while but the thought of another suicide mission finally made me give in.” Looking at him, you smirk. “What would you do if I didn't kiss you before the mission? Were you planning to tell me about your feelings?”

“Shouldn't we discuss that in private?” He raises an eyebrow, and you give the guys a glance before looking back at Bruce.

“We don't mind. Go on.” Barry mutters, getting an annoyed stare from Diana.

“Let's give them some time." She says before getting up. The others soon follow, but Barry is the last.

“The fast one seems very curious about Batman's love life,” you say in a sassy tone when you're left alone.

“He turned the mission in Washington a nightmare the moment I mentioned you.” Bruce moves closer, caressing your cheek.

“And how was that?”

“I told them we had to make it as quick as possible because I had someone to go back to.” He places a soft kiss on your lips and you can't help but smile. You can't believe that someone was you. “Then he just wouldn't let it go. And yes, I was planning on telling you how I felt.”

“What would you do if the feeling wasn't mutual?” Wrapping your arms around his neck, you move to sit on his lap.

“I was pretty sure you felt something for me.”

“Really? I was trying so hard to hide it.”

“Miss Quinzel. Master Bruce. Dinner is served.” Alfred announces and you're just about to stand up when Bruce lifts you up with him.

“Because that will make Barry stop sassing at you,” you tell him, not even bothering to ask him to put you down. He can carry you all the way he wants. It feels funny though, and good to float like this. But the best part is how close your faces are, so you take the chance to kiss him as he takes you to the dining room.

Dinner goes on very well. The chattering is constant, and you manage to get into the conversations. You do feel like you're getting along with the League. Maybe you'll do well with other people too. If you can deal with the supers, you can deal with regular humans. It gives you hope, makes you a little more excited to go out. For dessert, you have brownies, one of your favorites, with vanilla ice cream.

“(Y/N), you said something about a suicide mission?” Barry asks after Diana gives you more details about the Washington mission. “What was that about?”

“Yeah... It was a terrorist attack in New Mexico. They mounted a base there but we never knew their plans.”

“They send you in a mission completely in the dark?” Diana furrows her eyebrows.

“We're the Suicide Squad. Well, that's what we call ourselves. The official name is Task Force X.” You move in the chair a little, but you notice you're not as uncomfortable as you were before talking about it. Bruce says you have to accept who you were in order to be free to restart. Trying to ignore it will only allow the past to haunt you. “When the soldiers can't deal with it but it's still not bad enough to call the heroes, they send us. The whole point is that it doesn't matter if we die in the process. The order is to finish the mission. We're... Spendable.”

“I never heard of anything like that,” Clark says, shrugging his shoulders.

“Nobody is supposed to know. But it doesn't matter anymore. The mission was a success and I'd be fine with it if the guards didn't beat me up on my way back here.” You say it without really noticing what it means, but by the way they exchange glances with each other, there are questions in their heads. “Some of them knew me from Belle Reve. So they knew I was going back somewhere they wouldn't be able to punish me for my crimes. They said it was a taste from home.”

“Everyone who was in that van was fired.” Bruce's voice is heavy with anger. “And I doubt they'll get any other job in Gotham.”

“If you're in prison to pay for your crimes, why did they beat you? Isn't the confinement the punishment?” Barry raises his eyebrows, and Arthur nods.

“Uhm... Yes. In any other prison, yes. But Belle Reve is different. It's like we're not on Earth anymore they... They can do pretty much anything they want. Every man and woman who acts as our guards are military or ex-military. Soldiers... And they have so much hate for us.” The memories come back in flashes of lightning, flooding your mind. The pain is still a vivid dream, the darkness is still terrorizing. “I can only speak for myself but I'm sure almost everyone who gets there tries to fight, to run away. I did. And maybe... Maybe I deserved it, maybe what they did was right.”

“(Y/N), don't you think for a second that you deserved what they did to you. Just because someone is a criminal doesn't give them the reason to treat you like an animal.” Bruce takes your hand over the table, and you smile to feel his fingers brushing against the soft skin of the back on your hand.

“They don't treat animals like they treat us.” The acknowledgment is dark and heavy, and you feel as the atmosphere gets tense. The League seems uncomfortable, perplexed.

“What the hell happens in that place?” Diana is the first to speak up after several seconds of deep silence.

“I can only tell what happened to me. By the rumors, it depends on who we are. Killercroc, for example, is left alone in a hole on the ground. Me... I always fought back.” Taking a deep breath, you revisit the endless days you spent in hell. The longest year of your life. The terror was usually suffocated by anger, burning rage, but it was always there, creeping through the walls. “I was kept in the dark. The only light source came from the small gap under the door. It had a blueish glow. My cell was open three times a day, at 10 a.m., 04 p.m., and 08 p.m. The two first were to feed me. They put a straw through my nose all the way down to my throat and fed me with some kind yogurt.” You cringe at the memory, a shiver rolling down your spine. “The last one was the shower. If you can call that a shower... They made me take my clothes off and back up into a concrete wall and blast me with water from a hose. If the weather was hot, the water was ice cold... If it was cold, the water was so hot that it burned my skin.” As you speak, Bruce moves his chair closer to you, putting an arm around your shoulders.

“You don't have to tell us anything if it makes you feel uncomfortable,” Clark says in a low voice.

“No, it's ok... It's good to say it. To... Let it out.” Holding it inside has only screwed you up over and over again. Dealing with it alone has isolated you. And you don't want to be alone anymore. “Before or after the shower was usually when the beat me. Men, women... They didn't really mind if they were a 6ft tall man kicking me. The drugs, the... Several different kids of drugs they gave me numbed the pain, but it was worse, at least to me.” The tears are rolling down now, as you're looking at the table, holding Bruce's hand as if he's your anchor. “I knew my body was being broken, sliced, bones being fractured but I only felt the impact. It's a psychological torture they play alongside the physical one. They liked to know that I was feeling my body being hurt, but I could never feel it... The drugs never wore off, so they never treated to my wounds. I was always left there, in my cell, as the blood dried, as the darkness threatened to suffocate me but I always told myself I was Havoc. I was freaking Havoc and I did not only deserve that, but I also could deal with it. That I was used to the pain...”

“Alright, that's enough.” Bruce raises his voice, and you notice you were yelling. He pulls you close and you hide your face in the crook of his neck.

“I speak for everyone here when I say we're very sorry for everything you've been through,” Diana says, and you feel a hand on your shoulder. When you look up, you see that not only her but all the others are standing around you and Bruce. “And I'm sorry I brought up such terrible memories.”

“Thank you.” Your voice sounds terribly weak, and Bruce dries off some of the tears with his thumb. When you get up, Diana holds both your hands on hers.

“I want you to know that you have me now. To talk, to ask for help, anything.” Your eyes quickly fly through the others when they nod.

“More than Bruce's friend, you're our friend now,” Arthur says.

“So now you not only have friends but superfriends.” Barry steps ahead and pulls you into a hug. You're surprised at the sudden affection, but it feels nice. The others join you soon, and you're in the middle of a group hug.

Not for a single moment in your life you thought you'd ever had anything like this. “Guys, you know you don't have to do this,” you mutter because you can't help but think you don't deserve it, that you're not the victim. Guess you still have a lot to work on, and Bruce is right to still give you some therapy sessions.

“Of course we do. You're an incredible woman who overcame so much. And you truly seem to want to leave the past behind.”

“Clark's right. You're the proof that villains aren't too far beyond repair.” Arthur says with a smile.

“Thanks again.” You're blushing a little because you think they see you as more than what you are now. But it's good to know they believe you.

An hour later, you're on Bruce's bedroom, getting ready to sleep. You're reading about Gotham's University as Bruce brushes his teeth, getting a little confused by how complicated it seems to be accepted there.

“Bruce, all these papers... I don't know if I have them.” You complain, suddenly losing hope.

“I'll deal with them, don't worry.” He comes to the bed, sitting beside you and resting his back against the pillowy headrest. “Worry about studying.”

“And about the fact I'll be surrounded by people all the time.” You sigh, putting the tablet on the nightstand. “It's still confusing, you know. Terrifying sometimes.” You're used to making people fear you, and when that's not possible, they just hate you. Hurt you. You're not sure how you'd manage to stay in between. To be normal.

“The classes only start next semester, so you'll have some months to get used to people.” Bruce pulls you to lie down, and you lay your head on his chest. “Tomorrow we're going out.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“Yes. We'll walk around, buy you some new clothes, eat at a nice restaurant...” He caresses your hair, making it hard to keep your eyes open. “I'll be right there with you, so no need to get anxious.”

“Okay...” Noticing you're a little thirsty, you roll your eyes as you get up. “I need water. Do you want some?”

“No, thanks.”

“I'll be right back.” Crawling out of the bed, you make your way downstairs, straight to the kitchen. You hear low voices, so you walk slower, making sure you won't interrupt anything. When you get there, you see it's Diana and Barry, who's eating your ice cream. “Hey, guys,” you announce yourself.

“Hi, (Y/N),” Diana says as Barry waves with the spoon.

“You know this ice cream is mine, right?” Raising an eyebrow, you try to look mad. It apparently works because he gives an apologetic look and lowers the spoon.

“Sorry.” He mutters as you walk around the island, getting a spoon for yourself, sitting beside him and starting to eat too.

“Relax. It seems that I have to share now.” You keep the sarcastic tone, but Barry still doesn't seem to understand. “I'm joking. You can eat it, it's just ice cream.” You smile when he starts eating again. “Don't you want some, Diana?”

“No, thank you.” She raises the mug she's holding. “I usually just drink some tea before going to sleep.”

“Yeah. I just eat. I need a lot of calories.” Barry says with his mouth full of ice cream. “What about you?”

“Actually I just came to get some water. Bruce is waiting for me upstairs.” You forgot about the water, but now you feel thirsty again, so you get a glass and head to the fridge.

“You guys sleep together?” He asks.

“Barry.” Diana reprimands him, and that makes you giggle a little.

“We share the bed.” Shrugging your shoulders, you speak as you pour some cold water on the glass, closing the fridge and making your way back to where you were seated. “I have... Nightmares. They were more often before, but they still come. But when I'm with Bruce it's just... It's better.” You feel safe, secure, but you're too shy to tell them that. It's too much that you're telling about the nightmares, but it's a good sign that you're able to open up, even if it's just a little bit.

“You love Bruce, don't you?” Diana asks in a low voice.

Looking down at your half-full glass of water, you nod. Love isn't the word you use to express your feelings for Bruce, but that's just because you're way too scared to let those three words flow out. ‘I love you.’ You've been biting your tongue for quite a while now. Those words hold power, you know it, and you're scared that he doesn't feel the same way. “Don't tell him,” you beg, looking up at Diana.

“Why?” As she asks, Barry takes the ice cream and gets up, leaving the kitchen.

“Girl talk.” He mumbles on his way out. And yes, you feel a little more comfortable knowing it's just Diana.

“Because maybe it's too soon and... If he doesn't feel the same I'm afraid it'll push him away.” Your feelings for Bruce only grow, and even though being in love with someone is something new, you know how things should play out. Or you think you do. The fact that he's Batman and you're Havoc, a villain he tried to catch before, only makes everything worse.

“I know Bruce. He would never officialize a relationship if he wasn't one hundred and ten percent sure of his feelings.” She moves from her place at the table to seat across from you on the island. “And I understand that what you did before may get in the way but it only makes me even more sure about his feelings towards you. So yes, I think he loves you and there's no reason for you to be so scared.”

Taking a deep breath, you try to accept that. “How could he love me?” You inquire in a low voice because you can't help but go back, to remember who you were and what you did. You do regret it, and you do want different things now, to have a whole new life. But... Sometimes the fear of losing Bruce hits hard, and you start going back to your shell.

“Why don't you let me answer that?” His voice makes you jump, and you stand up abruptly. Your heart beats so fast that you can hear it on your ears, like drums.

“I'll get some sleep. Good night, (Y/N). Bruce.” Diana stands up and leaves the kitchen, as you stand there, looking at Bruce.

“You weren't supposed to hear any of that,” you mumble.

“But I'm glad I did. Let's head upstairs. We need to talk.” Nodding, you start following Bruce. “I need to make things clear with you, sweetheart.”

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