#I'm feeling lost and frustrated as I try to figure out my next step

[avocodas]

This is a long ass post.. I don't if i am back as my senses for joy are paralyzed. But I wanna thank you for each like, reblog, or reach out message💖 If you read this, ily

Where am I?

I am in my 20s crisis... that's what is fueling this anguish post.

But i wanna point out first how, lol, how soothing opening this hellsite again.. All the memories played back like my skin cells are giggling bro.. how pathetic haha

Now for my crisis.. I left my job

No i wasn't laid off, i didn't resign at once .. but some of you caught up with my random thoughts, you knew I worked as a teacher. From grade 1 till grade 10...... that's 10 classes at my first fulltime job and I will spoil you it was a terrific experience and i mean that in two directions. So i asked to be a part-timer ( since i was teaching 2 subjects) and stay the Design teacher for Middle Schoolers- and High schoolers ( younger kids are nightmare) . A month and a half the HR and my line manager sat and a meeting and informed me that my request isn't in the prestigious-expensive-only-rich-fams-register-their-kids school's budget. So I politely quit! My health withdraw, the psychopath manager i had to work with, the unpaid overtime, last minute meetings, the whole chaos weren't the reason to quit. I quit because i don't wanna stay in the same classroom telling a kid to quit licking the mouse for 40 years straight.

I got a chance to work in Qatar, despite I didn't wanna go i accepted to go to the interview *after mom scolded me too lol *, and everything went great till the interviewer learned I don't have a teaching diploma which is a mandatory requirement in Qatar.. Another piece of crap paper that costs-lots-and-adds-no-values, is once again controlling my life..

I didn't want teaching or the "safe" job title to be my prison for my abilities and for my ambitions...

Right when I quit, an initiative to teach 2D animation opened for applications, it was a full year program from 9-5 ( unpaid lol) but you are gonna learn from local artists who worked internationally and who wanna revive Lebanon as a creative hub for digital productions! the only downside that they accept only 5 students, and you have to be a good in digital art!

and guess what this girl is at least great at? splashing colors on pixeled canvas!

So I applied, waited a month and a half for applications to close and another 15 days waiting for a shortlisting email for an interview which was in couples of days!

I arrived before 20 minutes, scanned the greeny, clean, prestigious, occupied by western-woke locals neighborhood, till my interview starts in 6 minutes!

I tried to stay calm, but my heart was beating fast from this random jogging around the neighborhood haha, one of the juries approached me and said " don't worry, they are monsters inside *wink wink*" and jokingly replied " Ohh no, i was a teacher, so ig i am too a monster myself haha" and we shared the laughs..

In the interview.. they asked the typical questions why i wanna learn animation, have i tried, bla bla bla and i basically repeated my cover letter and shared my experience with students when we learned to storyboard and film simple stop motion animations...

" But why haven't you created your own universe?"

Excuse me ?

The founder himself, along with the children book illustrator asked me this question.

Folks, my portfolio consisted of variations of work, from commissions, to studies, to typographic illustrations and many many more.. at the end i put 4 illustrations from my KNY fanwork to prove my rendering abilities

Just to be asked why I don't have a concept.. an attribute that needs a lot of research and year of observing, experimenting and documenting to achieve.

I replied that i am indeed in my journey to learn and discover my concept, I kid you not drawing my favorite shows is what drove me to learn art, dragon ball helped me get through my parents divorce, i ve been drawing KNY for 2 years straight and there where my technical skills got honed.

But what do you wanna do? you were a teacher, game developer, do you see yourself a game developer? you did VR game, you drew comics, you studied CS at uni bla bla...

and I simply replied " I still in my journey to learn what do I actually wanna do for living, committing to a title isn't a wise choice for me as you stated I am good at multiple fields. I am applying to this program to add to my table and see how my past expertise would contribute into elevating the skills i am gonna acquire - if selected- here"

"But if you wanna give a title for yourself what it would be ?" asked the first juries that i met "A Digital Artist . As it joins the multidisciplinary fields in the digital medium in general"

and there where it ended. Do you know what shocked me the most? It is the skeptical looks on the founder of the program, and the weird vibes in the room itself as if i was brought here to be humiliated.

Because what didn't make sense at all, is asking why I don't have the vision of a 30 yo painter when i am still 24? I mean i am here to learn ani-.. well who am lying to...

the only reason I wanna get applied to this program wasn't just to learn animation purely, it was to work on the last project which is a 15 minutes movie.. I want to be seriously involved in a professional production of a movie where i finally can feel belonged to, and use my skills in concept art, visual development, narratives, designing and developing the storylines.

A week pass by, and it passed horribly. As my eyes were glued to the gmail app, and my ears waiting for the notification sound sat to important emails only. And just for my luck i got insomnia and i couldn't sleep well. What adds to it my mom cooked mjadara in both colors for the whole week.

On Thursday, When i was with my friends, I ordered a roasted potatoes from the Al-Turki restaurant, called the restaurant twice to confirm bringing changes so i can avoid unwanted tipping. Food arrived, my friends are jealous cause of my big fat potatoe while they got humble shawarma wraps which was also high in calories unlike my order.

Right when I forked the first hot, cheesy sweet and salty bite, the important-email notification knocked, so did the result..

"Bla Bla Bla

I am writing to let you know that we won't be able to take you with us for this year's program.

Bla Bla Bla. Bla Bla Bla Bla Bla 2025.

Bla Bla, Bla "

All the week of eating bland food and meals, and this appetite killing news came just after i paid 8$ for a delightful meal..

I did the usual, called my mom, she comforts me, tells me Allah knows the best, peeps in Palestine fought for 75 years and they still fighting and it will be free... maybe you might need a part-time job first so you can handle the transportations and don't feel less than others.. bla bla bla.. and don't cry

Yeah i didn't cry, I desperately wanted to, but my mom asked me to not.. even when my friends asked what's wrong I cracked jokes instead.. at the shower i wanted to cry but my eyes stayed dry..

Cause now I am lost, this what I visioned my year gonna be.. i planned to have my name travelling in the movie credits in the MENA annual festivals... and what went wrong is something i didn't have control over, i crafted my application perfectly, i contacted the first edition participants, and took their opinion. All what i planned and worked heartfully through just didn't blossom at all..

the seeds were rotten to begin with ...

Chin up, accepting faith and trying to move on... i am trying to apply to full funded masters program in CS, couple of programs opened and amma apply... Colleagues, friends and online strangers are saying a the perfect candidate and shower me with compliments ..

But at this point, does anything I plan to matters? I don't recall the last time i put huge efforts and got fair results..

Highschool? I was kicked off the team cuz my teacher misread the number 3 to 4.. and that was right after i did half of the project

University? Always were with the outcasts, the cool ones tho. Covid, inflation, stress eating me alive, Doctors opens the pandora box for unholy questions, effortless teammates, woke teammate, love triangles i was forcefully registered in...

Even After University, when i had an interview with an alumni to work online in his gaming company, he calls me at night and tells me he got me job as a teacher - a position he previously worked in- and he wasn't gonna pay for three months anyways so this better for me...

Only to have my views of whatever-positive-delusions-i-had crushed and turn on my survival instincts to escape this toxic-controlled-by-psychos-work place....

I really wanna stand by and watch where the waves of life throw me at. DO nothing at all, and see where Allah's plans throw me at... I have big faith in Allah but ... this wallah frustrating... soul crushing... i don't even know what job i can apply to now...

I am afraid to not get anywhere and be another story of those who faded in the morphine of corporate and safe redundant jobs.. or worse to end up as a beggar who couldn't move on, yet finds out that the market is already saturated and competitive too.

[bangchansgirlsblog]

my dear! I'm your fan, I love your writing. Thank you for taking us out of our reality and allowing us to enter a world of our own! Could I make a request for a crazy idea I had? An anguished Y/N and Chan fight and he tells her to leave and leave him alone. When Y/N leaves in a daze he doesn't see the car and is run over. In the end I trust you. =) If it doesn't bother you and you can fulfill my request, I would be very happy!

Can we turn back time?

Warnings: blood, tragic, angst, accident.

Summary: ^^ Requested

A/N: hey baby :) not the best :/ butttt I hope you like it. Sorry for any grammar mistakes.

**

Her heart was beating at a fast pace. Why was he not understanding what she was trying to say?

“You always come home late Chan! I thought I could have this one night. This one night to ourselves but you chose to go drinking instead?!” She poured her heart out as she stared at her idol boyfriend.

“Please Y/n now now okay? I get you wanna talk but can I please just go to bed? We can talk about it tomorrow,” he pleaded as he put down his black leather jacket on the couch.

His curls sat neatly on his head and his black shirt fitting him perfectly and his jeans neatly ironed.

“Chan it feels like you don’t love me anymore!”

“Well maybe I don’t, okay?!” He got up and yelled. His anger was now full on visible as he aggressively slammed his hands on the table.

She stood there looking at him shocked. Tears pricking through her eyes. What was this mess?

His eyes softened as looked her scared figure. “I- I didn’t mean too,”

“Save it Chan.” She sobbed. Her hand was fiddling with her promise ring that Chan has gifted her on their 2 year anniversary. It was the most beautiful ring that she has laid her eyes on but as time went on she realized it was just a ring it was a stress reliever because anytime she was sad, frustrated, mad or confused she would play with the ring on her finger.

“Why can’t you see the things you keep doing hurt me Chan?” She sobbed and looked up at him. Praying that somehow she can find answers.

“I-“ he took a deep breathe trying to keep his own tears in, “I’m failing okay? Can you just leave me alone? Please?” He took a shaky breath before taking a step back and grabbing his jacket.

“Am I a burden now?” Her chest tightened. Chan couldn’t look at her. He had no courage, no strength.

“I’m going upstairs,” he simply said and walked past her.

She wanted to stop him, beg him to hold her, beg him to be there for her but the pain in her chest told her otherwise. She looked so silly, like a kicked puppy.

She wiped her tears and walked over to grab her shoes before leaving her house totally forgetting her phone and keys.

**

It was dark and cold. The sun had officially set and people were either out having dinner or rushing home from work.

Y/n couldn’t help but feel bad as she watched the couples sitting outside restaurants talking and laughing.

She felt empty, she felt deceived. Chan was the perfect boyfriend. He made sure of it but when they started becoming a hit he started slowly pushing her to the side leaving her at home and going out to drink and party or he would be locked up in the studio trying to make new songs.

She was lost without him. She had created her whole routine off of him and now she would wakeup every morning feelings lost not knowing what to do.

Her mind was runnning so fast that she couldn’t keep up. The tears in her eyes were were blurring her vision as she took quick steps to the park.

It wasn’t far. That was always her safe space. Everytime she would get overwhelmed or exhausted she would run away and hide behind the big old oak tree down by the river next to the park.

It was a little foggy, she couldn’t see anything but Chan’s loud voice kept playing in her head until she heard a loud screech. She looked to the side but it was too late. A painful scream left her body as she watched the car crash into her body.

She didn’t feel pain all she could hear was a ringing sound then a few sirens before everything went quiet.

**

“199 what is your emergency?”

“I-I crashed into someone, help! Please! I don’t know what to do-“

“Okay sir is she breathing? I need you to calm down and tell me what happened,”

“Y-yes she’s still breathing, I- I was driving and she just stepped infront of the car, I don’t know! It wasn’t my fault,” he sobbed as panic was filling his chest.

He looked down at the frail body, blood was everywhere and yet he still didn’t pass out. He tried to put pressure on the area that was bleeding the most but it wasn’t working. Blood was still gushing out of her.

She looked familiar tho, he thought.

“Sir, I’ve sent an ambulance. I just need you to keep breathing and tell me if she stops breathing. Keep your hand on the wound,” the dispatcher kept telling him over and over again.

“Oh God this is a lot of blood. Please God, please don’t let her die,” he whispered as he looked up at the car that was parked by them.

It felt like hours until he felt like who could breathe. He heard the sirens. They were here. The paramedics were finally here.

**

“C’mon Y/n please pick up,” Chan cursed at himself as he walked back and forth in the living room.

He was now in sweatpants and a hoodie. His hair wet from the shower.

When he had come downstairs he saw no sight of Y/n and at first he thought that maybe she had gone for a breather so he decided to do some work knowing that she wouldn’t pick up his phone even if he had tried to call so he just chose to distract himself.

He felt guilty for the fight they had. It was chewing him alive but he knew it was his fault and he needed to make it up. As time kept passing by; 30 minutes turned into 2 hours.

He started to feel uneasy so he decided to try her phone but she wasn’t picking. He called all the boys at the dorm asking if she was with them but they said they hadn’t seen her then he called her bestfriend and she too hadn’t seen her. That’s when the panic started to set in.

He called her phone over and over again while making sure to text her too. He rushed upstairs to grab his crocs and that’s when he saw her phone on the night stand table.

“Shit, Y/n,” he groaned and rubbed his eyes before grabbing his car keys.

He put on his crocs and rundown the stairs and that’s when he got a call from his manager.

“What is it Soon-hoo, I can’t really-“

“Chan we need to get to the hospital now,” he said in a panic. Chan’s blood went cold as he could hear shuffling in the background.

“W-what is it? What happened?!” He managed to say.

“It’s Y/n Chan,” Chan’s senses came to a hold. Everyhting around him felt like it was moving in slow motion, “she got run over Chan, I’m coming to pick you up,” their manager said as he started the car.

All Chan could hear was a ringing sound as he stared at the blank floor. Tears running down his cheeks as his heart was beating faster.

______

Don’t forget to reblog😋

[021894s]

— 20 complicated [0.7k w]

MASTERLIST | PREV | NEXT

PAIRING: brothers bsf! sunghoon x f!reader

WARNINGS: cussing, mentions of jealousy, betrayal

AUTHORS NOTE: thanks for your patience babies!! hope you enjoy.

The night air feels cool and crisp as you and Sunghoon stroll down the quiet street, the stars twinkling above you. The only sound is the gentle rustling of leaves in the breeze and your footsteps echoing on the pavement.

"Sunghoon, can I ask you something?"

He looks at you, sensing the seriousness in your tone. "Of course, anything."

You take a deep breath. "It's about Ningning. I need to understand... why her? After everything that happened between us, why did you turn to her?"

Sunghoon's expression shifts, a mix of guilt and regret. He runs a hand through his hair, struggling to find the right words. "I know it’s fucked up. I really do. But after that night we spent together, I was so confused. My feelings were all over the place, and I didn't know how to deal with them."

You listen quietly, your heart aching at his words.

He continues, "Ningning... she was a distraction. I thought being with her would help me forget about you, about how much I wanted to be with you. It was stupid and selfish. I was trying to escape my own feelings, and in the process, I ended up complicating things even more."

You nod slowly, processing his confession. "So, you never had real feelings for her?"

Sunghoon shakes his head. "No. It was never about her. It was always about you. Being with Ningning was just a way to avoid facing the truth of how I felt about you. But it didn’t work. It only made things worse."

"I’m so sorry, Y/N. For everything. I never wanted to hurt you or anyone else."

"If I'm being honest, the only reason I called Jaemin was to make you jealous," you confess, your voice trembling slightly.

His eyes widen in shock, "You did what?"

You take a deep breath, trying to steady your racing heart. "I know it was childish, but I couldn't help it. I needed you to feel the same way I did when I saw you with her."

He runs a hand through his hair, frustration and confusion battling in his expression. "Why didn't you just talk to me? Why go through all this?"

You look down, unable to meet his gaze. "Because I was scared. Scared that you didn't feel the same way. Scared that I had lost our friendship.

He steps closer, his voice softening. "You never lost me. I was always here, waiting for you to realize that."

You finally look up, tears brimming in your eyes. "I didn't know... I thought it didn’t mean anything to you."

He reaches out, gently cupping your face in his hands. "you have no idea how hard I tried to get that night out of my head”

Your breath catches in your throat as his words sink in. "Really?"

"Really," he whispers, leaning in to press a tender kiss on your forehead. "Next time, just talk to me, okay? No more games."

You nod, a small smile breaking throughx

"Sunghoon," you begin, your voice barely above a whisper, "this... this thing between us. It's complicated, isn't it?"

Sunghoon sighs, running a hand through his hair. "Yeah, it is. I mean, I really like you. But Heeseung... he’s always been protective of you. I don't think he'd understand."

You nod, your heart aching at the thought. "I know. Heeseung means well, but I don't want to hurt him. And I don't want to lose what we have either."

Sunghoon stops walking and turns to face you, his eyes intense. "What if we kept it between us for now? Just until we’re both ready to tell Heeseung. We could figure things out together, without any pressure."

You look up at him, searching his eyes for any hint of doubt. But all you see is sincerity. "You really think that could work?"

He takes your hands in his, squeezing them gently. "I do. We’ll take it one step at a time, and when the moment is right, we’ll tell Heeseung. But for now, it’s just you and me."

A small smile tugs at your lips. "Okay. Let's do it. Just you and me."

Sunghoon leans in, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead. "Just you and me," he echoes, your secret bond solidifying in the quiet night.

taglist: @cornenhapovs @myjaeyuns @magssu @leeknowsgfsblog @jentlecoeur @heeslut4life @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @jaeyungxrl @rapmonie2047 @anormieee @nishislcve @leesura @en-happiness @kimsunoops @heelariously @rikiwaify-blog @ihrtgyuuu @purennn @hoonharem @g0niki @hearts4itoshi i @yongbokified @shuichi-sama @xiaoderrrr @hongshuaknow @skylalyla @yzzyhee @jwnghyuns @seokseokjinkim @syzavxy @xrvrqs @soulvrrs @velvetkisscs @ak-aa-li @eneiyri @starlvcieszsq @meowmeowjang @hanhaeji @moonlighthoon @gaylilseokie @seunghancore @heelovesmeknot @nyfwyeonjun @kookify @jayhoonvroom @heesminee3 @charlizefaye @mooniikay @ccrriiied @nikiswifiee @heemilktea @yorukoshii i @sumzysworld @glxzillx

[nyeddleblog]

A little piece of heaven [Part 4]

Pairing: Wade Wilson x Original Female Character x Logan Howlett. Summary: In Wade's timeline, Iris is his supernice upstairs neighbor. In Wolverine's, she's his beloved dead wife. A/N: This is a Wattpad Fic with an original character of mine that you can find here. Warnings: Deadpool & Wolverine spoilers, kinda.

PREVIOUS PART.

Chapter 4: Wine, weed and Wade.

A week went by and she didn't hear much from Wade or Logan. She wondered if his new roommate had already figured out a way to murder him or if he'd gotten trapped in another reality all over again, yet she found the quiet good enough to begin grading her tests.

She got a carefully curated collection of sweet wine, a good stash of homemade cookies and an old Altoids box that she kept since high-school, with freshly ground weed. She was going to do just fine, she just needed a bit of Chappell Roan in the background and she was good to go.

Or hot to go. 

Heh.

Iris didn't go out much on weekends. She usually just put on a good show and tried to retake the work she left during the week, like then, or listened to her playlist while she baked something, like she planned to do that afternoon. It's not like she didn't enjoy people's company, she was just much more comfortable alone, or next to Wade. 

To be honest, her whole ex situation had made her a bit of an introvert.

But forty grades in and she was already starting to miss human interaction. And grading over 120 students, about an hour later, made her wonder what she was doing with her life. 

She really needed a smoke.

Iris grabbed her cardigan, slipped on her flats and took a hold of the little Altoids box and her glass of wine before stepping out into her balcony. It was that time of the semester where every single student appeared to have lost all of their brain cells.  

"Burnout, sugarplum?" she heard Wade's voice beneath her. She let out a sigh, smiling to herself, "Missing me already?"

"Feeling lonely without you" she played along dramatically, rolling a joint. There was a faint smile on her lips as she fidgeted with it in her fingers. 

Wade chuckled, his voice carrying up to her. "Aw, come on, Rainbow Eyes. I was just about to raid your fridge. You know, for research purposes."

Iris rolled her eyes at that, imagining the ridiculous anecdote he would tell her once she inquired about his absence, "You craving my questionable left-overs, baby?"

She leaned over the balcony, just to check the reaction he had to the pet name. He looked up at her, mouth agape and then, slowly, he raised Mary Puppins in his hands, enough for her to gently lick what she reached of Iris' chin. Iris giggled loudly at that, and she could hear a frustrated groan from deep within's Wade's apartment.

"He's not taking this well, is he?" she whispered.

In response, Wade looked somewhere inside his living-room and yelled, "Can you shut up? I'm trying to flirt with your wife!"

Iris eyes widened at that and she could only see her friend disappear abruptly, being yanked by a clawed hand. Mary Puppins let a small cry when she was left on the floor, and Iris pouted at the thought, staying with her joint in hand curiously, to figure out what was happening downstairs.

She heard glass break, a few things being tossed aside and some muffled insults before she could realize there were at least 20 tests ungraded. She took a long drag of the joint and came back inside, barely able to imagine the chaos unfolding. 

She paused the music, attentively trying to decipher the words being said. The rampage was somewhat comforting, and much more fun than any show she was starting to finish. She finished her joint as she stared at the student's name below her. Miles Morales.

Yeah, that was probably her favorite student. At least one kid who would get into college and appreciate her efforts to educate them. 

She finished her joint, careful not to burn the papers. Then, she took a sip of wine and scribbled down the the few notes that praised the kid's wit. 

He'd made a great fucking essay right at the end of the test. She smiled sweetly, correcting a few grammar mistakes and underlining the beautifully phrased answers Miles had written. Too focused to hear the heavy steps on the stairs, so the ring made her spill a considerable amount of red tint over the kid's test. She inhaled deeply.

She would have to photocopy it. Couldn't take the risk of anyone finding out she drank while grading, though she was pretty sure most of her colleagues did.

"Wha... What?!" she yelled out, a pinch of annoyance gripping her voice.

"Hey, you were the one giving me fuck me eyes ten minutes ago" She heard Wade's muffled voice let out, making her roll her eyes with a grin, "Don't play with my feelings like that!"

Iris stood up from her comfortable position in the floor and made sure that her knitted shorts were covering her butt cheeks completely, because lord knows what Wade would say if he saw all of that but, thinking it a little better, she raised the waistband and let it hug her curves comfortably. Let him stare for a while.

"Quit fighting or...?"

In front of her, as she swung the door open, where both her best friend and the man of her dreams (literally, that is). Iris raised her eyebrows, wondering what could she possibly have done to deserve this amusing visit, but Logan scanned her figure thoroughly and looked away, and she was once again self-conscious of the length of her shorts.

"'Sup" she tried to appear nonchalant. 

"My, my, my..." Wade let out, giving her a little spin, "Look at you, tripping and working. I bet your students love you."

She giggled, stepping aside to let them in, "My students don't give a shit."

Her friend hummed in answer and took in the sight of her apartment. She guessed that, after a week (a bit more if she included the time he was out fighting the TVA) he couldn't see the faint changes she had worked on. A few more shelves, the baby blue paint all over the walls.

It was only a matter of time, she had bought the apartment after all.

"Did you do this all by yourself, sweet cheeks?"

"Who would've helped me, Wade?" she let out, turning to the fridge and walking over to promptly search what she knew Wade was looking for, food. And, just for the sight of moody Logan right behind him, two beers.

He looked good, Iris realized as she gave him the bottle with a gentle smile. I mean, Logan always looked good but it was even better when she was herself, looking at him through her own eyes; she wondered what could her version of that universe have done to put a ring on his finger.

Her ogling was interrupted by Wade putting an arm around her shoulders. She could see the reaction Logan had at that, his jaw clenching, his fists giving a silent warning. It was a lie if Iris said she didn't like that, so she rested her head on Wade's shoulder.

It was impressive how his mouth opened and Logan was pure rage. He said something about Iris' fuckable thighs, she wasn't really sure, but she knew it was more in a playful tone, than a seductive one. Either he was trying to get himself killed, or make his friend objectify her.

"I'm going to finish grading" she stated, gently nudging Wade to the table, "Eat your food, kids!"

He grinned happily in response, getting a hold of Iris' cabinets to take out the plates he was going to wash afterwards with the rest of her dirty dishes, because he wasn't a fucking animal. 

"You're a teacher?" Logan inquired.

Iris, already settled on the floor (right in front of her very comfortable couch), looked up at him mindlessly and nodded. She just had five grades left. She was so going to finish them and take a nap, but the gaze burning her skin was a bit too distracting.

"What?" she giggled playfully, "What's so mind blowing about it?"

He opened his mouth to answer but nothing really came out. She realized there was definitely something mind blowing about it, but chose against prying too much and gave him a kind smile instead, taking a sip of what was left of her wine.

She wondered if the ring in his hand had her name engraved on it.

A/N: I'm sorry if it's too serious for a Deadpool Fanfiction but, well, you're in for an angsty polyamory slowburn, with a bit of comic relief interruptions. 

[wtftarot]

PAC: The Sun

The Sun stands as the counterpart to the Moon. Representing clarity, the Sun leaves nothing in shadow. It speaks of blessings and growth. What do you need to learn from the Sun today? Let's fuck around and find out.

As always this reading is meant for entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice in any way. Remember, use common sense, and don't be a dumbass.

Masterlist

Pick the Sunflowers, the Kid or the Horse and head on to your reading.

The Sunflowers page cups Rx, Justice, 7 swords, the Fool, three cups, the hierophant Rx, temperance rx

A lot of things are lookin hazy for y'all, huh group one? The energy here is super interesting. First, y'all are entering an era that will redefine what you think it means to have a balanced life. You'll figure out what it means for you specifically. Which is awesome but that's not the focal point of your reading. There's something here that feels very sneaky, not in a harmful sorta way, more like a heist. It's like you're heisting yourself back. I fuckin love that. I think y'all may have lost yourself or a part of yourself somewhere along the way. The cards aren't saying how or why, which I feel is significant. While whatever happened had its impact, it's so much less important than this, than you, finding yourself again. Now you're scheming and plotting ways to get yourself back and it's beautiful. There's so much excitement and joy here. You may still have to hide them because of circumstances outside of your control but you're not burying them. You should feel absofuckinlutly no shame about it, fyi. You had to adapt, that's all. Now though, you are plotting and planning yourself towards a life that you don't have to adapt yourself to. The clarity you're getting is clarity of self. Things in your life feel a little hazy and off because they kinda are. You only "fit" your life as it is now because you lost those parts of yourself. Things were always 'off'. You edited yourself to what the situation called for. So, as you find yourself, you won't 'fit' the roles in life you used to. You're stepping into a life that gets you. A life where those parts of you are celebrated. Moving forward you may not get many satisfactory answers from sources outside of yourself on what to do. That's cause this is a time where you are creating the answers. You may find yourself doing a lot of inner-child work in the next few months. Deconstructing outdated teachings, or just seeing through bullshit you once thought to be true. Your awareness of when you are or are not acting in favor of your true self is being heightened. Now, this all feels like the inner-shift that has to happen before the external changes. So, you may wanna seek out some alone time or journal your thoughts cause I'm willing to bet you'll be having some epiphanies or ah-ha moments. This is awesome, babe. It's gonna be beautiful to see.

random ass vibes: Cats, 8,888, the wizard of oz, My Chemical Romance, shout out to all y'all with adhd/autism. religious upbringing? Red, "you can't buy happiness- steal it", goldenrod, something about acrylic nails? first time getting them? owls.

The Kid

The Sun rx, Nine of Swords Rx, Four of Cups Rx, Page of Wands, Knight of Cups, Eight of Wands Rx, Nine of Wands Rx, King of Swords Rx

This reading was interesting as hell to do. The short version is: Y'all are intuitive, you're just not letting yourselves simply BE intuitive. You try to force things or second-guess others and it's fucking you over. 

There is a message that you may be spending too much on different divination tools when you don't need them. This reading is cool and frustrating. I had to walk away from your cards because every time I tried to read them, the message was muddled and contradicting itself? I'm writing this a day later because now that I'm not trying to force it, it's flowing like the goddamn Mississippi. I didn't even plan to get back to your reading yet. It's like 6,7 am? I was just drinking my coffee and the reading became clear. Which is the whole ass point of your reading. Everyone has different intuitive psychic skills and different skill levels but if y'all chose this group? Y'all are pretty fuckin psychic. Or you could be if you got over some self-doubt and shit. When I said you're not letting yourselves be intuitive, I mean you may be relying too much on divination tools and signs instead of your intuition. You can strengthen your intuitive gifts, and learn to interpret them more accurately but you can't force it. It seems like you've become so focused on trying to pick up on things psychically, that you're not even living in the moment anymore. Which leads us to the other side of this coin. When you're determined to know and see more when there's nothing there, you can start to take your anxieties for hits cause they're the only thing you got. It's sorta like how when you're looking into a dark space, and you start seeing things that ain't there. Which understandably makes you freaked out, then when the anxieties don't come true you doubt yourself cause your "intuition" was wrong. Truth is not everything is a sign or a hit. Sometimes a number's just a number and a bird's just a bird. A bad feeling in your gut is just your gut feeling bad. Truth also is sometimes true psychic hits are kinda dumb, most of the hits I get regularly are just my cat needing something. It's okay if your intuition is just when produce is on sale. You ARE psychic. You're also human. All of this is confusing and that's okay. We're always confused until we figure things out. This all came out with the Sun in reverse because y'all expect your intuition to be clear the way your other senses are clear. You're looking outside of yourself for something that dwells inside of you. The advice here is to learn to trust your inner instincts. I keep hearing "Play psychic games". Scry out what animals you're going to see the next day. Try to intuit what suit a card is before you turn it over. Being psychic isn't (always) foreshadowing doom, it can be super fun. Try to get readings on non-serious topics. Let your intuition flow and play.

y'all have no random ass vibes because you need to stop relying on external confirmation of your intuition.

The Horse

This reading may be triggering, I'm not sure if feelings of not deserving love are a trigger but just to be safe. If you struggle with depression, anxiety, or the like please seek professional help. I'm just a chick with a computer and a deck of cards. Remember, don't do anything to compromise your safety.

I took some time between readings, and leading up to your reading horses kept popping up everywhere. I knew this reading would be different. I did pull some cards, but they feel unnecessary because y'all's guides are just talking to me. Why are y'all so convinced you won't get a happy ending? Mind out of the gutter, please. Thank you. You seem to be utterly convinced that you will never have a solid, safe, joyful life? "None of that is for me" is what I keep hearing. It's like there is one way to be happy, one sort of life that leads to happiness, and if you do not conform to that you're just doomed to die alone in squalor? There's this energy of I cannot do things my way and be happy. I can't be myself and loved. I just heard " I don't get to.." As in I don't get to be myself. I don't get to be loved. I don't know who made you feel that way but they better fucking hope I never see them. Or better yet, hope that future you never meets them. Cause sweetie, this reading? It's about your comeback. And HOLY FUCK YALL THIS WILL BE A HELL OF A COMEBACK. There's this overwhelming feeling of happy, unbridled defiance rearing its head in you. If you haven't felt it yet, you will soon babe don't worry. This may just be a heads-up. Defiance in the face of every fucking thing that makes you feel like you'll never get what you want. SPITE. That's what yall are embracing. I FUCKING LOVE THIS ENERGY YALL. SPITE IS MY ENTIRE LIFE PHILOSOPHY. This may be sort of a "villain era" for you. You're gonna be spitting in the face of everything that made you feel like you'd never be enough. YOU ARE ENOUGH. I want to be clear, you're not going to wake up and suddenly be immune to all the bullshit you've been told. You are however going to wake up and decide to live in defiance of what people have told you. That's why it'll feel sort of villainous, you may not feel like you deserve happiness (yet, give it time). BUT is 'deserving" it going to stop you? HELL NO! This is giving happiness is the best revenge. Those fuckers saying you can't be you and loved? They're gonna have to sit and WATCH YOU. And you get the pleasure of shoving your success, your happiness DOWN THIER FUCKING THROATS. Sometimes, you have to move towards things before you feel deserving or ready, so you can learn to feel deserving and ready. It's gonna take some work and strategizing, (y'all may wanna chat with some of the people in group one) I am so fucking pumped for y'all. If y'all don't feel this energy yet, you will soon I promise. In the meantime, maybe make a happy-upbeat revenge/spite playlist. Cause above all, this is about being HAPPY.

Random ass vibes: Danger Days, snakes, cats, 666, y'all may wanna look up Hopepunk, zombies,

[weird-is-life]

If you feel inspired could we mere mortals have some insecure remus thinking his crush would never like him, maybe he thinks they're into sirius or james but literally everyone else thinks he's stupid or blind because it's obvious they're embarrassingly smitten and absolutely infatuated with him. remus lupin just deserves unconditional love ❤

Hiii lovely, I am so so so sorry, this took me so long😭 I hope you will like this, tho. Warnings: pet words, too much affection, fluff (1.1k) and yes, Remus deserves all the love in the world🥺

"You're staring," James nudges Remus to his shoulder, looking amused towards the other side of the Great Hall.

"What...- Did you say something?" Remus asks, eyes averting from your figure for a few seconds.

"I said," he chuckles," that you are staring and it's quite obvious, may I add."

"Oh." There's no point in denying, that he likes you and that he is hopelessly in love with you to James, because James knows how big Remus's crush is on you. Too bad, Remus thinks, that you like his best mate Sirius and not him.

Suddenly Sirius appears at the table, sitting down next to them, "Moony, what got you so red, huh?" he joins James to tease him. Remus just ignores him, stirring absent-mindlessly the food on his plate.

"Don't look so grim, Remus. We were just joking," James pats him on the shoulder. "But I don't know why you won't ask her out, she likes you."

"Jamie, I know you are trying to make me feel better, but please don't," he sighs," we all know she likes Sirius, and I respect that."

"What? Moony, don't be stupid," Sirius groans in frustration over how blind his best friend is," we may flirt sometimes, but that's just that, nothing more. She very clearly likes you."

"That's just simply not true, is it? What would she like about me? I'm me and she is well, y/n," he says rather calmly," there's no chance she likes me like that." With that Remus gets up and leaves, his breakfast remaining untouched. 

Of course, James and Sirius can't have Remus being this self-conscious and miserable, so they decide right there to make a party tonight and invite you. They are hoping, that it will be enough to get you two idiots to make a move.

-

Later that day, you come to the party, all dressed up in your prettiest dress just for one person, Remus. But as you scan the room, you can't find him anywhere.

As the party goes by and he doesn't appear to be coming, you excuse yourself from your friends, lying about not feeling well.

And as you step out of the Gryffindor common room with a frown on your face, you stumble right into something or rather someone, nearly falling on the ground. Luckily, they are quick to react and save you from falling embarrassingly on your ass.

"Easy there, sweetheart, don't want you to hurt yourself," you recognise Remus, without even looking at him. His voice and scent familiar to you.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to run into you like that," you say sheepishly, cheeks flushed as your mind registers the pet name.

"It's okay," he smiles at you, altough it falters a little before he asks" are you leaving the party already?"

"I was on my way out, yeah...."

"I-is the party not enjoyable?"

"Not really, my friend wasn't here, i only came, because i thought he'd be here" you say and you can see, how Remus's smile drops.    

Remus didn't know, you were seeing somebody."Oh," he says and then hesitantly adds, "but i-it's definitely his loss."

"I think so too," you say, biting back a smile at Remus's not knowing, "are you just now joining the party?"

His cheeks go pink a bit, " ahh, yes. I was planning on being here on time, but I seemed to have lost a track of time in the library."

"Well, from my side, you didn't miss out on anything yet, the party has really just started."

"Then you should stay, too." Remus tells you, he hopes, that you can see, he wants you to stay.

"I should?" you tease.

"Yes, I'd lo...-like for you to stay," he shyly admits.

"I would love to, but-"

Remus's interrupts you before you even get a chance to finish, " oh, I understand. You probably want to go look for your friend."

"Not at all,"you smile sweetly at him,"I was about to say, that I'd love to stay, but only if you get me some better drink, than the disgusting beer there." He looks at you, clearly confused.

"B-but what about your friend?" he doesn't want to overstep, if you already have a date for tonight.

"Remus....," you whine and put your face in your hands, "I don't understand how can you be so so smart and at the same time be this oblivious idiot."

"What do you mean?" he frowns.

"Fuck, okay," you sigh," I like you Remus. I wasn't waiting for some other guy, I was waiting for you."

His mouth is wide open, Remus thinks that he might be dreaming, because this can't be real, there is just no way. " I- what? Y-you like me?"

"Yes, I've liked you since like forever," you nervously mumble.

"But why?"

"Why?" you look confused at him.

"Well yeah, I'm just me, boring guy that spends all of his time with books or with his 2 mates. Sirius is definitely much more better, much more fun," he shakes his head, he thinks he isn't good enough for you.

"Are you serious? I'm not interested in Sirius, I'm interested in you," you poke his chest," you make me laugh, you are always up for explaining me something when i don't understand it. You are kind and most importantly you have a good heart," you blurt it all out, " I don't want Sirius, I want you, only you Remus."

He looks stunned, at loss for words for a moment, but when he finally catches up to what is happening, he bashfully confesses to you, "that's good, because I really really like you, too. So much, that i might pass out if i don't get to kiss you right now"

"Can you just kiss me then already, Rem? Please?" You impatiently tell him. He doesn't waste any time, his soft lips are kissing you, making you dizzy in a matter of second. It is a sweet but short kiss, that has you chasing his lips for more as soon as his pulls away. Remus chuckles at that, "I will definitely kiss you some more, sweetheart. I just need to get you that drink you wanted and tell you all the lovely things I think about you."

"Fine, but only if I get to tell you as well."

"But you already did," he protests, he doesn't think his heart can take any more fond words.

"That wasn't enough, I need to tell you all of it. Especially how handsome you are," you kiss his cheek and drag him towards the party with a huge grin.

The whole night you and Remus basically take turns at being sickeningly affectionate with your words about each other, as James and Sirius watch you two in horror and delight. They are glad to see Remus receiving all the love, that he very much deserves, but they are not so looking forward to witnessing these endearments all the time from now on.

Although, they won't mind it that much, if it keeps Remus this happy and content.

[feyspeaker]

Hi! I made an account just so I could follow your work. Your art is brilliant and honestly and inspiration to where I want to be. I’m an older artist who has all the anxiety when it comes to improving my process. I’m trying to get into digital portraits and I have so many ideas in my head, but it’s frustrating because I’m not where I want to be to make this happen. What are some tricks that help you/software do you use? Of course, you don’t have to share anything that makes you uncomfortable. I currently have procreate and an iPad, but I feel a little lost. Wondering if I need a different writing tablet and photoshop. Not sure. I just eventually want to find that 3D, but also artistic look you are able to achieve.

hey there! thank you so much!!

ultimately, I will sound like a broken record but I always recommend you sign up for local figure drawing or painting classes. have people pose for you at home and sketch with charcoal and paper. go to the zoo and sit down in front on an exhibit for an hour and try to draw the animals in front of you as fast as you can and fill a couple of pages, move on to a new exhibit and do it again!

nothing is more powerful of a tool to learn than whatever writing utensil you have in your purse and the back of a napkin when you see something you'd like to capture. I've spent quite frankly my entire rememberable life doing this. I used to spend every single day in middle school/high school/my brief failed stint in community college with a pack of cheap sharpies and a beat up binder full of old worksheets and homework to draw on the backs of.

drawing/painting from life will teach you better than anything.

I use a very outdated version of Photoshop, and only got a "nice" tablet in the past 7 months.

Also, a huge tip to you and anyone else reading this: do NOT get too focused on a "style" that you want. Obsessing over that just ruined me for years and years. I wanted so, so, so badly to be the next Matsuri Hino when I was a kid. I copied her work religiously and it NEVER looked right. Frustrated me to no end. And you know why my stuff never looked like hers? Because I'm not her! You can't force your art to come out any way that isn't natural, and the sooner you can accept the art your hand wants to create, the happier you'll be and the easier art will get for you.

The past couple of years before I started diving into this more realism based work, I was just shoving myself through trying to make what art I envied of others. Very stylized/textured watercolor comic book style stuff. And I just was NOT getting any better at it. I have always been more inclined toward realism work, but I've hated it and yearned for stylized work. Yoshitaka Amano? God, I just drooled over that artstyle and beat myself up for never being able to capture it in studies or otherwise.

I finally essentially restructured my entire career around making the art that makes me happy instead of what I "wanted" it to look like. I was extremely depressed, my life was falling apart, and I still needed to make art to survive but I couldn't "art" if I was depressed and hated doing it, so I just had to step back and stop worrying so much about what I thought I wanted to make, and started making what felt most natural.

there's no easy way, and art can be a soul destroying path at times, truly. your software and hardware should come very last place compared to practicing from life (it doesn't matter if you want to paint cartoony stuff of realistic stuff, always start from life). naturally you will find what makes your heart sing the most.

I get a lot of messages from people telling me similar stuff "oh your art is EXACTLY what I want to do!" but I promise you that kind of thought process is chasing a dragon that is likely to harm or drag your creative process down. art style is such a deeply personal thing, so of COURSE it's important to find inspiration, but the second looking at someone else's artwork stops inspiring you and starts frustrating you, put it away.

There are some artists who I love, that I do not check up on often because their artwork ignites, like, serious bitter jealousy in me. It's the truth. I get so mad at myself for not being more like them, and it's such a poison. I think more artists should be transparent about this feeling because I KNOW the art community has a lot of jealousy and ugliness in it.

A fact of being an artist is that you will never be completely happy with a piece you make. You are always going to see the flaws, and that doesn't change whether you'd been drawing for 2 months or 20 years. Occasionally, you will get one piece that you are like "how did I make that???" and then get frustrated that you can't recreate it lol! It's a tough beast.

It's just really important to step back and work on yourself and where you are at, because at the end of the day, the way your soul wants to express artwork might be WILDLY different from what your brain wants, and it can be really detrimental to let those two go to war.

I hope this helps. I'm very passionate about this, and when I started out I ALWAYS ignored the artists who gave the same exact tips as above. I thought they were so annoying and unhelpful, but now I /get it/.

[airandyeah]

By The Beach Merman Nanami X Reader pt.5

My Masterlist for more chapters THANK YOU FOR THE SUPPORT, I LOVE YOU ALL Frustration due to communication issues, Nanami SPEAKS HIS FIRST WORDS, mentions of drugs and alcohol (Y/N isn't doing them in this chapter though, so yay)

Now that they had both calmed down and they were seated on the couch, they simply stared at each other. "So....", Y/N spoke up, "My name is Y/L/N", She points at herself to try and emphasize what she meant, because he obviously didn't speak her language... The man tried to form words, a noise came out of his mouth but it was broken, his vocal cords were rusty. He continued to try to clear his throat and try again, after about 10 minutes he finally rumbles out a "Y/N", and boy, was she taken aback by how... hot he sounded. Nonono, focus. She pointed at him and asked "What's your name?", after a while he tried to sound out many things but ended with a broken up "Na-nami, Ken--to". Y/N repeated the name and he nodded. ~~~ They fell into a routine after that. Y/N would put on children's videos about the alphabet and sounding out letters and words, while Y/N would continue to make her influencer videos. She gifted Nanami a dictionary after he finally learned the alphabet and a few basic words and sentences. He was learning fast, but Y/N figured he didn't understand everything he said. Like, why would he call her pretty or say that he liked her? He must be confused... But she hoped he wasn't. She hoped this hot man, that she saved, liked her. She had gone out a few times to get him clothes as well, never quite getting his size right, but they did all fit. He had stayed in her guest room, sleeping there and educating there if he wasn't in the living room or at the kitchen bar. ~~~ It was one of those days, one hate comment too far and Y/N had enough. She marched over to the kitchen, passed a very startled Nanami who asked a shaky "Y/L/N?", before she stopped to stare at her liquor cabinet, and her meds next to it. She was on the verge of grabbing them when two big, warm hands grabbed her own. "Nanami?", she asked, not knowing what he was doing, but he was behind her, his warm breath on her neck. "I can't let you have... those", he breathed out. "Why not?", Y/N asked, not understanding how he even knew what was going on. "When me... came here. You were... i-ill. And those were near you. They... bad.", Nanami fought out. Y/N was shocked.... he would remember such a seemingly small detail about their first... well. second encounter? ~~~ Rather than drinking and loosing herself, she chose to dance. She flipped on her speaker and Nanami watched, curious. The song that started playing was 'Feeling Good', By Nina Simone (The best version of the song, no one can change my mind) Birds flying high, you know how I feel Sun in the sky, you know how I feel Breeze driftin' on by, you know how I feel She took a few steps back, closer to the open area of the living room as the song began to take flight... It's a new life for me, yeah It's a new dawn, it's a new day It's a new life for me, ooh And I'm feeling good She began swaying and dancing to the music while Nanami stared, 'what is this?' he thought, but he was entranced not only by the new voice and sounds... but also by your movements. Dragonfly out in the sun, you know what I mean, don't you know? She began to sing with it too (That's why i switched lyric color), pointing at Nanami and inviting him to dance too. Nanami looked lost, he didn't know how to do what you were doing, hell, he finally just learned to run. The song soon finished with a "Why didn't you join me?", Y/N looked sad almost at his lack of dancing. He let out a sigh before apologizing and saying he didn't know what to do. "Dance the next one with me. please. You don't have to know how to do it. Let the music move you", she said to him before he finally agreed. Her face split into a beaming smile, hate comments forgotten, as she went to choose a song. Maybe something high energy... something to get him moving. Something... Groovy. ~~~ That's all for this one! Love you, you beautiful people ~~~ Tags @kiel-luvsripples

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

Rewind, Remix, & Replay Jay & Kim 6x2

You can read the rest of the series here

Alright guys, let’s buckle up for the next few chapters. We are in the midst of one of Jay’s spirals. He has gone through a lot and now he has to figure out how to live on without his dad or the closure he needed from him.

I'm not quite sure if I hit the mark with this one- I had some trouble getting what I wanted down on paper. The episode was so emotion driven it was kind of hard to add anything more to it. 

Kim's surprise shows on her face when Jay joins her. “Are you working this case?”

“It’s good to see you too.” Kim’s dark brown eyes were worried. Jay dismisses it off hand. “I’m fine. There is a murder out there and it’s my job to catch him- end of story.” Kim gives him a skeptical look. Jay starts walking and Kim falls into step with him.

“No, not end of story. You just lost your dad, Jay. You should take some time-”

“Kim, I don’t need time. I’m all good.” Kim didn’t know who Jay thought he was lying to she had seen how wrecked he was in the hospital. She grabbed his arm forcing him to stop and stand across from her. “C’mon, you know my relationship with my dad wasn’t like that. We weren’t close. We were distant at best, I got used to it.” Jay’s tone bodes no argument but Kim pushes anyway.

“I think you want to believe that. But Jay I was there- You need more-” Jay feels his frustration hit a boil suddenly- the tight control he normally had on his emotions busted and in need of repair. He doesn’t even have time to process the awful words that he slews her way, he just wants her to stop talking.

“Look I know you have daddy issues but don’t project them onto me.” They burn his throat like acid. She doesn’t respond but her face says it all. She had gotten so good at keeping her face unreadable for the job the last few years. But she doesn’t even try to hide them this time. Jay feels it like a punch to the gut. His anger fades and he feels immediate chest heavy guilt. He goes to apologize for his very out-of-pocket comment but doesn’t have a chance because of the sound of gunfire.

Kim takes off without looking back to see if Jay is following. He is right at her back pulling his gun. When they see the girl bleeding from a gunshot wound to her chest. Jay stops and puts pressure on her wound, telling her she is going to be okay. Kim takes off after the shooter.

“You listen to me because it is my job to keep you safe and I will always do my job and you will do yours.” Kim stays back as Voight’s voice carries across the street. She wanted to run to Jay. Touch him and feel his heartbeat. She can see that he is very much alive but still her brain is having trouble believing what her eyes see.

He is shirtless and pale as a ghost sitting on the bumper of the ambulance. She can see the ugly black bruise already taking up most of his peck and growing. The spot where she rested her head to sleep. The spot where he had been shot, only saved by his bulletproof vest. His side was bandaged from where the bullet had gone through luckily missing anything major. Still, Kim feels sick to her stomach.

Voight finishes his conversation with Jay and starts stalking back her way. Kim wants to go to Jay but it is clear that he has something he wants to say to her. “Kim,” She straightens and leans closer. “Take a couple of days off. I want you to watch Halstead.”

“Of course, Sarg.” Kim can see the worry in Hank’s eyes. He nods at her and she starts to walk over to Jay. Voight grabs her wrist and she pauses to look back up at him.

“I don’t want him back until he’s got his head on straight.” Kim hears the seriousness in his tone and nods at him. “You call if you need anything.” He squeezes her arm in support and gestures with a tilt of his head to Halstead.

Kim doesn’t waste any time heading over to him, eating the distances with her hurried strides. Her fingertips ghost over the bruise on his chest without thought. It would be a long time before she would be able to sleep on him. Jay’s hand catches her wrist bringing her hand up to kiss her palm. “Baby, I’m so sorry about what I said. It-” He huffs out a breath his ribs burning as he starts to come down from the adrenaline. “It was completely out of line.”

“You just got shot and that’s what you want to talk about?” Kim had been upset about the comment. It had cut her deeper than she cared to acknowledge. She knew Jay was only lashing out because he was in emotional turmoil. That didn’t excuse his hurtful words, not completely. However, she felt like there were bigger things to talk about considering his injuries.

“It’s important. I want to make sure we are okay. I need to know we are.” His blue eyes were overflowing with emotions, begging for assurance. His grip on her hand was tight. She brought her other hand up to cup his cheek. He leaned into her hand and she pressed a kiss to his jaw.

“Jay, we are okay.” Kim watched some of the tension leak out of his body. He was still holding himself stiffly, favoring his one side. His hand wraps around the nape of her neck pulling her closer. For a second, she thought he might be trying to steal a kiss, but he just pressed his forehead against hers. His fingers tighten in her hair. She rubs her hand down his forearm and eases down next to him on the back of the ambulance.

“I just couldn’t help myself. Not after being a bystander to my dad’s… I couldn’t help get him out of the fire. Couldn’t help him in the hospital like Will. I just- I had to do something. I had to get this guy. I had to help.” Kim squeezed his hand thinking of how to respond. She was saved by his abrupt change in topic to something safer. “Did you see how pissed Voight was?”

“You scared him Jay- scared the hell out of me too. He just wants to make sure you are okay.” Kim closed her eyes tightly. Another spike of fear rushed through her system like a shot of adrenaline. The thought of losing Jay had tears stinging her eyes.

“I’m sorry,” She nods wiping away a tear that had escaped. She licks her dry lips and slowly stands.

“We will figure it all out later. Let’s get you to the hospital to get checked out.” Kim has barely lifted her hand to get Foster’s attention to load him up to get him to Med. Jay grabs her arm to stop her.

“I can’t go back there, I just can’t.” His blue eyes were pleading with her to understand. His grip was tight on her forearm, his jaw clenched, tension returning to his body.

“Jay,”

“I just want to go home. Lay in my own bed- with you- and sleep. Please, baby, don’t ask me to go back there.” Kim knew that she would spend all night worrying about Jay if she didn’t take him to the hospital. She knew she would toss and turn and be constantly checking to make sure he was okay, that he was breathing, and that his heart was beating. But the look in his blue eyes broke her heart. She knew why he didn’t want to go back to the hospital and it wasn’t his hatred of needles. Not this time.

“Let’s get you home then.”

[yaksokhay]

her pov

but i like you

plot: in which she see's a boy in the bookstore reading his book.

ᵍᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ, ᶜᵒᵐᶠᵒʳᵗ, ᵃ ˡⁱˡ ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ

𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝗱: 𝘁𝗮𝗲𝘀𝗮𝗻

the bell above the door jingled softly as i stepped into the little bookstore, a cozy haven nestled between a bustling café and a quaint flower shop. the comforting scent of old pages and freshly brewed coffee enveloped me, instantly making me feel at home. this was my favorite place to spend my afternoons, getting lost among the stacks of books and the stories they held.

today, though, something felt different. as i wandered through the aisles, my eyes landed on a boy sitting by the large window, sunlight filtering through and casting a warm glow around him. he had a book open on his lap, completely absorbed in its contents. what caught my attention were the streaks of blonde highlights in his hair, catching the light and making him look like he belonged in a story himself.

a strange flutter stirred in my chest as i watched him, his brows furrowed in concentration and his lips curved into a slight smile. he seemed so serene, so at peace in his little corner of the world. i took a deep breath, trying to steady my racing heart. was i crazy for feeling this way about someone i hadn’t even spoken to?

i moved closer, pretending to browse the shelves near him, stealing glances when i thought he wouldn’t notice. my fingers brushed against the spines of the books absentmindedly as i observed him. then, almost as if sensing my gaze, he looked up and our eyes met. his smile widened, and for a moment, it felt like our hands almost touched, even though we were still a few feet apart.

my cheeks flushed, and i quickly looked away, my heart pounding. why are you so pretty? i thought, biting my lip. i felt like i must be going crazy, my emotions all over the place just from one look. i risked another glance at him, and there it was again—his eyes twinkling with a warmth that made my insides melt.

just as i was building up the courage to approach him, i saw another figure enter the scene. a girl with a bright smile and a casual elegance about her walked up to him, linking her arm with his. my heart sank, and i felt a pang of disappointment. should i shout out loud, who is that? but instead, i remained silent, feeling a mixture of frustration and sadness.

i'm going crazy but i think i like you i thought, watching as they chatted and laughed together. it was a bitter feeling, knowing i liked him but not knowing anything about him. i tried to focus on the books in front of me, but my mind kept drifting back to him and the girl by his side.

i found myself mentally rejecting every perfect feature he had. i wouldn't like your eyes, nose, lips, even your jokes, i thought stubbornly. i like only me, i told myself, trying to convince my heart to let go.

yet, the more i tried to deny it, the more i realized how deeply i was already affected by him. i watched as the girl left, leaving him alone once more, and i couldn't help but feel a glimmer of hope. maybe it wasn’t too late. maybe there was still a chance.

i took a deep breath, summoning all my courage, and walked over to him. he looked up, surprised but pleased to see me. up close, his eyes were even more captivating, his smile even more charming. i felt my heart skip a beat.

"hi," i said softly, my voice trembling slightly. "i couldn’t help but notice the book you're reading. it's one of my favorites."

his smile grew, and he closed the book, showing me the cover. "really? it’s my first time reading it. would you like to join me?"

i felt my heart soar. "i’d love to," i replied, taking a seat next to him. as we started talking about the book, the initial awkwardness melted away, replaced by a warm, easy conversation.

i realized i had been wrong before. i did like his eyes, his nose, his lips, and even his jokes. most of all, i liked the way he made me feel—like i was the only person in the room.

after what felt like minutes but was probably hours, we exchanged numbers, promising to meet up again soon. as i left the bookstore, my heart felt light, like i was floating on air. i couldn’t wait to get home and share everything with my roommates.

when i finally walked through the door of our apartment, i was practically buzzing with excitement.

“guys, you won’t believe what happened today!” i announced, kicking off my shoes and hurrying into the living room where mia and sarah were lounging on the couch.

mia looked up from her laptop, a curious smile forming on her lips. “ooh, this sounds interesting. spill!”

i plopped down between them, barely able to contain my excitement. “okay, so you know how i always go to that little bookstore after work? today, i saw this guy. he had blonde highlights and was sitting by the window, completely absorbed in a book.”

sarah leaned in, eyes wide with interest. “and?”

“and,” i continued, grinning, “i couldn’t stop staring at him. he looked up and smiled at me, and it felt like our hands almost touched, even though we were across the room. but then, this girl came in and linked arms with him, and i was so disappointed. i thought he was taken.”

mia’s eyes widened. “no way! but clearly, something happened if you’re this excited.”

i nodded, my smile widening. “yeah! after she left, i decided to go talk to him. we ended up having this amazing conversation about the book he was reading, and we exchanged numbers before i left.”

sarah squealed, clapping her hands together. “that’s amazing! what’s his name?”

“his name is han taesan,” i said, feeling a warm flutter in my chest just saying his name out loud. “he’s sweet and funny, and i can’t believe how well we clicked.”

mia grinned. “this is so exciting! when are you seeing him again?”

“we’re planning to meet up this weekend,” i replied, my mind already racing with possibilities. “i can’t wait to see him again.”

sarah nudged me playfully. “you better keep us updated on everything. we need all the details!”

“i promise,” i laughed, feeling a sense of warmth and belonging with my friends. “i’ll tell you everything.”

as we chatted and laughed late into the night, i couldn’t help but feel grateful for the unexpected turn my day had taken.

masterlist

[simping-for-joe]

Take a Deep Breath

Leon Kennedy X Dyslexic! Reader

You decided to put something together without help but struggle with the instructions the day escalates from there

A/N: So fun story, I have dyslexia, and a lot of times when I see neurodivergent reader, it's not really included so I said fuck it and wrote it myself. This is based on a general experience I've had with dyslexia. I tried my best to communicate what it feels like for me personally. Sorry, this is like really specific and I'm probably the only one who wants this.

You had decided it was a good idea to try to put together a nightstand while Leon was at work today. You had the day off and decided to do a few things around the house. Leon and you just moved into a new apartment and needed a new nightstand.

You open the box with some scissors and take out the instructions. You take out all the parts, as well as get the tools the paper told you to grab. A smile on your face as it seemed like this would be easier than you thought.

“Okay…” You're about a third step in, and you read the instructions…. You read it again… you read it one last time. “W-what?” You look at the picture and… it was no help. “Am I dumb?” You ask yourself slightly annoyed. You take a deep breath slightly annoyed before you start to read it out slowly. “Connect part C to part D… but how the hell…” It was so vague you weren’t sure how you were supposed to exactly attach them and the picture was absolutely no help whatsoever. That good mood was almost completely gone, but you were still determined to do this. It would be a nice surprise for Leon and maybe you could figure this out.

You needed a break so you were in the kitchen scrolling through your phone, you were beyond frustrated and started to get a little shouty with the instructions. It probably didn’t help that anytime you’ve ever built furniture it was with someone else. You wanted to slam your forehead against the countertop, but you get distracted by the sound of the front door opening.

“I’m home!” Leon calls when he notices you're right in the kitchen. He chuckles a little before you hug him tightly. "How was your day?" He asks softly as he hugs you back.

"Actually... I was hoping to get your help with something." You bring up to him.

"What is it?" He asks curiously as you guide him to your bedroom. He looked in and that answered his question.

"I... I need you to read this." You hand him the directions slightly embarrassed. He just takes the paper and reads the instructions out to you. You listen, think for a moment... and find you are still lost. Leon chuckles softly, and motions for you to watch him do it. You watch as he effortlessly puts together the last part you need to complete the nightstand.

Annoyance and embarrassment fills you as you realize how simple it was to finish the nightstand. Leon gives you a reassuring smile.

"It's alright," he attempts to assure you and kisses your forehead to make you forget your emotions on the matter and make you feel a bit better.

Leon makes the decision to go grocery shopping to distract you from the whole nightstand thing. You had written a list earlier in the day, and it seemed like a good idea.

However, as you're walking through the store and you ask Leon for the next item on the list, he's stumped.

"Leon?" You ask softly, and he looks to you.

"Um... sweetheart, what does this say?" He asks you showing you the paper and you honestly have no clue. You cannot tell what the hell you wrote on that paper.

"I have... no fucking clue." You say softly in shock as you take the paper from him trying your hardest to remember. Sometimes when you spelled things wrong you could remember what you were trying to say, this was not one of those times. You groan out annoyed, and want to hit something.

"Hey... are you okay?" He asks you softly.

"No! I fucking hate having dyslexia, it fucking sicks!" You stop and sigh out annoyed. "Sucks... I meant sucks..." A little defeated, you hang your head a bit.

"Come here, baby." He says softly pulling you into a hug. Embracing you tightly calming you down a bit. "Just take a deep breath..." He assures you gently.

"I'm sorry... it's just so frustrating sometimes..." You tried to explain, but it was annoying. You didn't hate your dyslexia, it was more complicated with that. You know on some level, you've grown used to your disability and you've learned to live with it. However, it still got in your way sometimes.

"I know..." He assures you gently, kissing your forehead. "This stuff happens sometimes, and that's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it okay?" You nod gently embracing him tightly.

"Thanks, Leon..." You smile looking up at you fondly.

"It's no problem love... now, let's try to figure out what's on this list." He jokes getting a chuckle and a smile from you finally.

[sunnylands-world]

Late

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem reader

Summary: Peter Parker doesn't realize he's in love with you till he almost loses you to revenge his friend planned…

Word count: 2,237

Warning: mentions of near death experience angst to fluff, best friends to lovers? [I used the Harry from the first spiderman movies]

Universe: spiderman

A/n: sorry it's so long I just kept going. This is my first spiderman fic so please be nice I hope you like it. Please show some support to this!❤️🥺

All mistakes are mine

Peter Parker may have been one of the Smartest boys you knew but he was also stupidly oblivious. But it wasn't like he could notice you when a particular blonde clouded his mind on the daily. you understood him to some extent. She was gorgeous, an officer's daughter, a good job, on the way to a bright future and so many other things you didn't want to think about.

You lived next door to Peter but he never fixed his eyes on you like he did her, never seemed so interested in you like he was in her. You went to his house, laid across his messy bed comforters and listened to him talk about his random facts while you studied, fixed the glasses on his face, baked with aunt may, cheered him on when he'd skate, and held him close when he lost his uncle and still nothing.

He'd say thanks when you held eye contact with him, fixing the frames on his face and for a second when he'd look back at you with his sparkling brown eyes you'd let yourself believe he'd kiss you, only for him to smile, pearl white teeth on display in a sarcastic manner.

"Thanks" he breathes, giving you a dorky smile. No matter how many times you saw it you never got tired of that. You nod, tucking your books in your bag with a sigh.

"Did you see her earlier? She looks so pretty in the pictures I took," He exhaled, showing you her on his computer for the thousandth time. Gwen Stacy. he seemed to love taking her pictures. It's not like you were photogenic or would feel okay with such things but you couldn't help but want him to take pictures of you like he did her.

"Yeah" you replied flatly and he turned to look at you with an eyebrow raised.

"What's this about? Why do you hate her so much" he snapped. your jaw clenched as you dropped the pencil.

"I don't hate her." You answered, sounding more irritated than you meant to.

"Are you that jealous of her?" He started making you look his way. That question seemed to stab you right in the chest and you hated how it was partly true.

"I'm not jealous" you shot back, but your voice shakes.

"Yeah, you sure about that? Seems like you have been since that day at the lab." He said. The lab. the one she did with the spider's that stole Peter's heart from you, that's if you ever had a chance; you'd like to think you did.

"I'm not!" You stood, stuffing the rest of your things in the bag and running down the steps.

"Sure you aren't, that's why you're running!" He yelled, rushing out behind you. You got to the door, turning the knob before you halt in place, tears about to break loose from their barrier.

"You're so damn stupid Peter Parker." You shouted slamming the door. You'd apologize to aunt may later, right now you needed to get as far away from him as possible. Rolling your eyes, you walked from his house frustrated. How could he not see it! Tears trickled down your cheeks as you came to the conclusion that as long as Gwen Stacy walked the earth you wouldn't have a chance.

You spent most of your time avoiding Peter after that night. He tried to speak to you, probably to apologize but you didn't give him the chance. If he was going to see you as nothing but a friend you figured it was better to let your friendship go, there was no point in ripping your heart in half anymore…

Your feet dragged across the cement as you walked the long trail in New York. you try not to look like you're moping around but you do and apparently other people noticed.

"Bad day?" a male voice says and you look up meeting a head of brown curly hair brown.

"Yeah, sorta" you respond, continuing to walk, he follows.

"I'm Harry, Harry Osborn" he introduced and you nod attempting to smile. Harry's somewhat attractive but you're not entirely over Peter. You're still hung up on the skater nerd with his perfect hair and eye-catching smile.

"Who's the guy that's got your pretty head all knotted up." He says and you look up with a chuckle

"That obvious huh?" You say slowing down a bit.

"Definitely." He teased.

"not to Peter Parker'' you say under your breath but he catches it. He doesn't come back to you for a while then he's back at your side.

"Peter? Peter! Hey, I know him" he concluded and something about the way he says it makes you uneasy

"So that's the guy?" He laughs.

"That's the guy that's got you like this? God he can be so infuriating" he says in a high pitched voice, eyes twitching a bit as he throws his hand out exaggerating, you nod.

"Let me take you out to dinner, I'll make it worth your while." He grins. You think about it, there was no reason to turn down Harry. At least he showed interest in you. It had been awhile since anyone did.

"Okay," you agreed,

"great!" He claps, making you jump a bit as you nod with a nervous grin. you just hoped you didn't regret this.

You shut your locker pulling the key free from the lock only to meet Peter behind it. You sigh, turning to walk when he grabs your arm.

"You can't go out with Harry. he's not a good person." He warns and you only chuckle rolling your eyes.

"Oh, because he's actually showing interest in me he's a bad person. Just because you didn't want me Peter Parker doesn't mean that no one else does." You say pulling your arm free and continuing to walk. Peter pauses before he rushes back to you.

"What? Wha- what are you talking about- you know nevermind I'm serious about this he's not what you-"

"No, I'm serious. I'm going out with Harry, stop trying to ruin it for me. Let me be happy and move on from you. I don't want to cry anymore," You finished leaving a confused Peter in the hallway.

It was Friday. 8:00 pm sharp. You paced back and forth in the park waiting for Harry to show. Your heart beat fast like drummers beating drums, anxiety that had you swallowing when there was nothing to swallow. He should have been here but you didn't want to accept the fact that maybe he wasn't coming because that would hurt too much so you still waited.

You sighed, collapsing into the bench. Maybe you just weren't someone people wanted. You started to second guess yourself, looking over every aspect of your life, judging it. You supposed you weren't as put together as you could be, but that's because you were basing your life off Internet girls when in reality no one's life was perfect, they were just better at photographing the good stuff.

A loud zooming sound caused you to turn your head only to see a man on a floating board. He looked a lot like Harry but more like Harry if he shot drugs through his veins. You turned quickly trying to decide if you should run. You knew coming out this late alone was a bad idea. right now you were cursing yourself for it and just praying you got away safely and everything was fine.

"Sorry I'm late sweetheart, but you know I had to come in style!" He laughs sending an unwanted chill down your back. You don't turn again, continuing to face forward.

"What?! You don't like my look?" He says, guiding the board in front of you.

"I thought green suits me." He smirks before he's diving down to scoop you up from the seat. You hold on to him out of instinct, afraid of falling as you look down over the zooming city. Everything is like motion blur, streaked together by thin lines. When you look up you realize where you were headed…

the central park tower.

You try not to panic.

It's gonna be alright, it's gonna be alright.

I'm okay, I'm okay.

"Do you like it beautiful?" He asked.

"Father always said if you want to wow a lady, take her to the sky!" He joked and you tried not to cry forcing a smile on your face but the tears were glossing over your eyes too quickly and fell even faster.

"It-it's great Harry" you answer looking down at the speeding cars.

"You know you really shouldn't lie, especially not like this" his voice dropped in tone and you can hear the rage Slyther up.

"No, no, no Harry I promise-"

"Let her go harry!" A familiar voice says and you sigh, a weight lifting off your chest.

"Peter! Finally, I was worried you'd miss her before she left" he blew a breath, hands moving back and forth. Peter? That's why he sounded familiar. You break into a sob.

"I'm assuming you hadn't told your best friend about the hero thing." Harry confirms

"guess that puts us both in the same boat" he said

"you know, you always had a way of ignoring things, or not noticing them. So let me ask you, at what point did you realize she was in love with you? Or did you still not know that yet?" He moved so now you were hovering over New York traffic.

"Because I did, I could tell by the way she looked when I found her" he says, pulling you from his body so you dangle over the speeding cars.

"If you love her, you'll catch her or maybe you're still into Gwen which means poor heartbroken [name] will fall to her death and be run over. Over and over again until they realize her lifeless body is in the road.

"Peter please, I'm sorry" you cried looking at him.

"Please Harry you- you don't have to do this. We can work through this! She has nothing to do with this!" Peter reasoned

"except she doesn't she? Because you do love her, like I loved the things you took. Now why must you always try and reason. you know I'm not a man who changes my mind." He says and then he lets go of your wrist…

From that moment on everything moved and sounded in slow motion like in a movie. From the moment Peter jumps screaming, to the tears sliding down your cheeks. All this for peter. Because you wanted to move on. Because he was spiderman and had enemies.

Your eyes shut, deciding that if you were gonna go you wouldn't go fighting and crying. Although it would hurt when you hit the pavement you didn't want to struggle. You can't stop your beating heart and even now you won't judge Peter if you fall, he tried to catch you and that was all he could do. he always tried and you wished you could tell him that because you love him and you know he wouldn't let you die even if he didn't feel the same he'd try to save you.

Peters crying, he tries to control it but it's you, he's done everything with you. laughed, cried, fought but he'd never prepared to lose you. It took all this for him to realize he loved you enough to turn his body and take the hit if he didn't land on his feet. Because dying was better than being without you. It hurt when you didn't speak to him but he had to admit he'd taken it a bit far with what he said especially since you liked him which probably made it hurt so much more and he didn't even get to apologize.

Sure he thought he loved Gwen but she had nothing on what you had. You two were thread weaved together pulling the heaviest weight, you were the sand and the ocean with the breeze that smelled like both of you together when breathed in. So he had to catch you and he did. He was late but he got you, he always would. Peter was late to class some days, missed his aunt once and was late to realizing he loved you, but it was better late than never.

When he got you both safely to the floor he kissed you; kissed you before your eyes could open. making all your tears and his mix as his face pressed to yours. your skin was soft and damp in his hold, lips even softer and he wondered how he never kissed you before. He tried to apply the pressure to your lips you had on his heart, tried to hold you tight enough to let you know he'd never let this happen again because he'd protect you.

When he pulled back he was panting, a thousand pounds on his back lifted and he felt so much lighter.

"I love you, I love you so much okay? I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. And you can't- and you can't do this again no matter how stupid I am, fight for me! Fight for me like you have for years." He sobbed looking between your eyes.

"But if you do, I'll save you, and I won't be late next time, I promise."

[margowritesthings]

Te Beroya: II

SERIES MASTERLIST

pairing: Mandalorian!Arthur Morgan x reader crossover: Star Wars x Red Dead Redemption prompt: 48. “For someone who acts like they hate me, you sure find a way to get me alone a lot.” + 52. “Just because you're pretty, it doesn't mean you can just get away with anything." / "You think I'm pretty?" + 56. “I-I don’t know if I want to yell at you or fuck you.” + 89. “Be careful, sweetheart. Do you really think that's a good idea?” + 90. “You’re playing a dangerous game, girl" word count: 3719 words warnings: sexual innuendos, star wars swears, brief mentions of trauma from readers past authors note: it's here! One last little chapter before I go into full moving mode. Not sure when the next one will be, but Im workin on it!! I love these two crazies, Im not gonna lie. And yes, I went toally ham on that prompt list, but its the best. As always reblogs/likes are appreciated, and if you wanna be tagged in the rest of the series let me know!!

beta read by @cowboydisaster, divider by @saradika

The look shared between you and the 10 foot tall bantha says more than words ever could. 

“I am not riding all the way to Mos Espa on a bantha.” You announce, going on instinct to fold your arms in defiance across your chest, before realising your hands are bound. It frustrates you even more and you huff, one more mishap away from stamping your foot like a child.

Arthur seems unphased by your tantrum. Amused, even. 

“Well, you got two choices, Princess. You can ride up there with me, or I’m sure Boadicea here will gladly drag you along behind…” You roll your eyes, sighing in great defeat, hating that you’ve lost so much control of this situation so quickly. And of course he’s named the damn bantha. 

“Your ‘choices’ suck, you know that? It’s not a choice if one of the options is death or getting dragged across the Dune sea by my broken limbs.” 

Maker help him, he laughs, taking that as answer enough and hoisting himself up onto the saddle by the stirrups. You watch on, unimpressed, as he places his helmet back on and it hisses quietly.  He extends a hand out to help you up and shuffles back in his seat.

When you figure out how exactly this is going to work, you feel your throat dry up, more so than it already is from 18 hours exposed to the elements of the desert. He wants you in front of him, where your back will surely press up against his chest, literally caging you in with those huge arms to keep his hands on the reins. All that contact… 

“No way. We’re not gonna both fit on there.” You shake your head, taking a step backwards. Arthur doesn’t flinch, knowing if you ran now you’d be dead in days, especially with those cuffs on.

“You shoulda’ thought about that before you tried to knock me out and run away, little mouse.” 

Anxiety bounces around your frame at the idea. Ever since that night, the one that changed everything, you hate being touched by others, especially in such close proximity. But what choice do you have? It’s getting hot, and you’re not sure you’d survive a trek across the desert on your feet… Plus, possibly more terrifying than death by sand, he was just touching you everywhere, during your fight. And somehow, you didn’t hate it. It wasn’t like every other time you’ve been touched… The feel of his hard body covering the length of you, his bulge prodding firmly against your thigh as he pinned your wrists down deep into the sand… 

You’re getting distracted. 

“Urgh. Fine. But don’t get any ideas, beroya.” You lift your wrists, letting him grab your hands to help you mount Boadicea. When you swing your leg around, it settles you into the saddle, up close and personal with your captor. His hard chest presses firmly against your back, thighs around yours and crotch in serious danger of grinding up against your ass with each step the bantha makes. You think back to the fight, expecting to regret it, but instead find yourself trying awfully hard not to think about how thrilling it was to have a big, bad bounty hunter on top of you like that…

Maker, what has gotten into you?!

Well… nothing. Maybe that’s the problem… you swore yourself away from all of that after you were shown just how cruel the Galaxy can be, all too focused on the plight of survival once you became such a high value target. But now… well, it’s clearly messing with your head, because there is no way in hell you should be thinking about the hard-on of the man destined to be your end… You make a mental note to get laid once this is over… If this is over. 

When Arthur clicks the reins and Boadicea the bantha starts to walk, you clamp your jaw shut and your breaths come out as sighs, in an attempt to show him just how furious you are at this turn of events. The grinding of your teeth is all part of the act, you tell yourself, and not at all a method of distracting yourself from the ripple of muscle you feel pressed flush against your back. You can feel him breathe, could swear you can feel a soft thrum of his heart as the scent of campfires and cigarettes infiltrates your senses. He’s all consuming, in the most infuriating ways, shuffling logic right out of your mind. 

There’s a tension in the tiny gap between you, one that spikes every time Boadicea moves in a way that presses your ass further up against Arthur’s crotch and you’re sure his breath hitches at each point of contact.

“So-” He starts, his voice sounding almost strangled, “How’s a pretty little thing like you end up on the Outer Rim’s Most Wanted list?”

Ah, perfect. Small talk about life’s greatest traumas to distract you from the fact you now know your captor has the biggest dick in the Galaxy. Unlucky for Arthur, you’re not exactly in a sharing mood, so deflection it is.

“Sorry, beroya, the tragic backstory package is locked behind a level of friendship unattainable to the likes of you.” As an added effect, you move your wrists around so the metal of the cuffs clinks against your belt. A reminder of the situation, if you will. 

“Aw, shucks, and here I was thinkin’ you liked me.” He’s all bravado, slapping his thigh comically. You don’t laugh. “Well, just so you know…” He leans closer, and his breath tickles the back of your ear sending a shiver all the way down your spine, “I don’t like you either, princess.” 

Now that does draw a smirk from you. Ugly words are one thing, but biology doesn’t lie, and Arthur’s is screaming the very opposite. You adjust yourself in the saddle again, feeling that very compelling evidence to the contrary rubbing against your flesh.

“Coulda’ fooled me, cowboy.” 

Being situated in front of him, you don’t see Arthur’s hand coming, don’t realise whats happening until gloved fingers wrap around your neck, thumb and forefinger pressing firmly against the pulse points on your throat. You gasp just in time to capture just enough breath for the Mandalorian to trap in your lungs. He’s so close you feel the cool metal of his helmet against your skin, the way he’s holding you forcing you to crane your neck back into him.

“You’re playing a dangerous game, pretty girl. Be careful, mesh’la. Do you really think that’s a good idea?” His warning is growled into your ear, slightly gravelly through the helmet, and you swear you’ve never felt a heat burn so fiercely everywhere. Fuck, the way he’s holding you is possessive, wanting… It ignites a very dangerous flame you’d rather not address, but the way you squirm, that little whimper that escapes your parted lips, says everything that you’d never admit aloud.

You couldn’t even if you wanted to, especially when he squeezes just that bit tighter and you feel your heart beating in your flushed cheeks. A witty retort would be just in character, but words fail you as your binded hands attempt to scratch uselessly through the leather of his thick gloves. Boadicea continues her trek, unaware that you’re all but soaking the poor girls saddle through.

“Just cause you’re pretty, doesn’t mean you can get away with just anything. Not with me, sweetheart.” You hear every rasp in his voice, the years he’s lived and fought branding it like scars. When he relinquishes the pressure, just a little, the blood rushes back into your face and you know it’s your turn to talk. He’s expecting obedience, and you’ll be damned if you comply, even if he holds your lifeforce between his thumb and forefinger. 

“You… You think I’m pretty? Gee, Arthur, I don’t think you’re supposed to-” He doesn’t let you finish, the frustration at you manifesting into another soul quaking growl as he squeezes harder.

“Do you really think that behaving like that is going to get you want you want, you little brat?” 

…Kriff. You’ve been labelled as difficult before, but never in a way that leaves you panting like this. Fuck, this is not how it’s supposed to go. He’s going to have you killed, and yet your panties are soaking through. You’re losing the last scraps of power you once clung to so vehemently… but Maker does it feel good…

“Listen here, Princess. I ain’t blind, alright? You’re a pretty girl. But I ain’t stupid, either. Half the time I can’t tell if I wanna kill you or fuck you, but that don’t mean shit, cause ever since I got those binders on you, you’ve been mine, alright? So shut that pretty little mouth of yours before I shut it for you. Now, are you gonna behave for me? Or am I gonna have to force you?”

The defiance that blazed in your eyes dies there, your mouth opening and closing pathetically as you fail to find something to say. All you can do is nod, the small movements he’ll allow of you, at least. 

“Good girl.”

You gasp out for the dry air of the desert, and it feels like being washed under a stream after the longest drought. Your fingers rub over the reddened skin of your neck, easing the ache just slightly. 

Arthur grabs the reins again, smacking them lightly to speed Boadicea up. 

You say nothing, trying desperately to extinguish whatever the hell is happening between your legs.

Half the time I can’t tell if I wanna kill you or fuck you.

I can’t tell if I wanna kill you or fuck you.

…kill you or fuck you

The words swim around your mind for the next few hours of the silent, torturous ride. The desert air is hot, but you’d rather marry a wookie than ask for the water your throat is crying out for. The tension between you and Arthur hasn’t dwindled for a second, and you’re putting more blame on that than the suns beating down on you relentlessly for your flustered state. The only relief you get is from knowing its just as hard for Arthur… literally. Knowing he’s just as uncomfortable, all thanks to you, is all the consolation you need. 

The skies are starting to cast an orange glow across your skin as the suns both begin to reach the horizon. You’re not too far out from Mos Espa now, but Boadicea is slowing significantly, and you can tell she’s ready for a break, so it doesn’t surprise you when Arthur swings his thigh from around you to dismount. He leaves you sitting there for a moment while he pulls off his helmet, hanging it next to the saddlebag that he pulls an oat cake out of for Boadicea . 

“There, there, good girl…” he coos to her, patting her thick fur. His words of praise bring you right back to when he said that to you, and it infuriates and arouses you in equal amounts to remember the moment. You hate yourself for it. It’s a vicious cycle that leaves you dizzy. 

Eventually, after petting the only woman you’re sure Arthur Morgan will ever love, he returns to you, holding out a hand to help you down,

“M’lady.” He nods sarcastically and you roll your eyes, making a point to slide off the saddle without his help, landing less than gracefully and taking a second to steady yourself. Arthur shakes his head as he watches you, before turning back to the saddle bag and pulling out a variety of things you’ll need to camp. 

“We’re stopping here?” You ask, voice a little hoarse from the dehydration and protestful lack of speech. Looking around, you can’t see anything but sand. You’re less than enthusiastic about a night here, alone with him, but you’re not exactly the one making the decisions here.

“Well, unfortunately for us, your highness, the palace was booked full, and we’re in the middle of the Dune Sea.” He explains while he starts to unroll the singular bedroll. You sit down in the sand, crossing your legs beneath you with a childish pout on your lips. Oh, how you wish you could get these damn binders off. They’re so uncomfortable, and it’s been hours. 

Arthur gathers enough dry wood from around the area to build a decent fire, dusting the sand away and setting them up like he’s done this a thousand times over. You know the feeling, so long ago forced out from your home and set on the run for the remainder of this lonely life. It makes you wonder if Arthur has a home of his own, a family. Watching him as intently as you are, seeing those tired eyes… somehow you know he doesn’t. Maybe once, maybe in a different life… but you know the look of loneliness well, you see her every time you come face to face with a mirror, and he embodies it. As sad as it is, it makes sense. A loving family man just wouldn’t be cut out for this kind of life.

There’s only one sun left now, the skies above a stunning gradient from orange to purple, all the way to the inky blues on the other side of the horizon. It takes Arthur no time at all to have the fire going, positioning his bedroll out next to it. He gestures for you to sit on it, but you’re stubbornly deciding the sand a few feet away would be better. Arthur snorts,

“Suit yourself.”

He returns one last time to the saddle bag, pulling out some cans, a flask, and a pouch of something wrapped in cloth. By the time he sits beside the fire, it’s roaring

“Hungry?” He asks, extending an arm to offer you the flask. A hesitation, while you decide if you’d rather kill your pride or die of hunger and thirst. It’s a tough choice, but you eventually nod and take the flask in both hands. It takes you a second to figure out how to open it with bound hands, and Arthur seems to take great joy in your attempts, until you manage to squish the flask between your knees and twist the cap off. It takes a lot of restraint to not gulp the whole thing down when that first drop hits your tongue, but both of you still have a ways to go before your destination, so you don’t. The pass back is reluctant, as is the tiny ‘thank you’ you mutter under your breath.

“Oh, look at you, princess, finding your manners.” He takes a sip of his own, starting to unwrap the little parcel to reveal some slices of meat and pulling a knife from his holster to crack the tins open. Part of you wants to prove his point, to growl at him and fight back, but you’re pretty damn hungry, so you stay quiet, silently plotting another escape.

As Arthur starts to work on the food, pouring beans into a little metal pot, he glances at you, finding amusement in your tantrum. 

“You gonna come join me for some food or keep sulkin’? Either way’s fine by me, I’ll have your extras if you don’t want ‘em.” It doesn’t take very long at all for the beans to cook when he holds them over the flame, the aroma reaching your nostrils soon enough. Even for just beans, it smells good, probably cause you haven’t eaten since back in the Cantina, which feels like 3 lifetimes ago right now. Your stomach grumbles pointedly, and you’re forced to swallow your pride and gracefully stand, stomping sand everywhere as you sit right on the edge of the bedroll, as far away from Arthur (by mere inches) as possible.

He raises a taunting brow, “For someone who acts like they hate me, you sure do find ways to get real close to me.” Line thrown, hook absolutely smothered in bait.

The fury in your eyes gives the campfire a run for its credits, “Well if that isn’t the Quacta  calling the Stifling slimy- you’ve been all over me since the Cantina, rubbing your cock against my ass for the last day!”

You know the victory is Arthur’s with the way he smirks at your outburst, like winding you up is his favourite pastime. He’s holding back a laugh, you can tell because his crows feet crease deeper and his lip twitches. Hook, line and sinker. 

There’s a pause, surely being spent figuring out how else to annoy you, before Arthur picks up a slice of the jerky he brought and offers it to you, “...Want some meat?” 

… You’re going to kill him in his sleep. 

Too hungry to refuse, you snatch it off him and take an aggressive bite, the eye contact you’re shooting lasers with never breaking. Maybe it’s the hunger talking, but it tastes so good you almost moan. Almost, though your furious facade might have broken for just a moment. He’s waiting for gratitude, but you have other ideas. 

“I’m not fucking you.” You announce, so out of the blue that Arthur almost chokes on his meat. Now that’d be a sight to see…

“You said you didn’t know whether to kill me or fuck me,” You explain, I’m just telling you ya’ ain’t got chance of either.” 

The offended guffaw you’re after never comes, in its place a look so intense you feel flames lick at your toes and travel up between your thighs. 

“Listen, mesh’la,” He growls the sarcastic term of endearment, and you vibrate, “Just cause I can’t decide if that pretty throat of yours deserves my blade or my cock doesn’t mean you’re getting either. I’ll have you, but only if you’re on your hands and knees begging me for it. I’ve got your fiery little temper worked out, and I know just what fuels it. Don’t worry, little one, you’re safe… for now.”

Dank farrick, how does he do it? Every attempt to rile him thwarted, leaving you flustered, wet, and with your jaw so slack you could catch flies. Maybe silence is the best option, to give him none of your words to twist and pull into whatever this tension between you is. 

You’re not going to fuck him. 

He’s literally holding you prisoner. 

You’re not going to fuck him. 

He’s bringing you back to them. 

You’re not going to-

“Y’alright there, princess? Keep lookin’ at me like that and I’ll think you’ve changed your mind.”

“You’re infuriating.” You spit back, finishing the last of your jerky with another angry bite.

“And here was me thinkin’ we were becoming friends…”

“What?! No. Nu-uh. No way.”

“Well I ain’t leaving you to run off on me. I’m not an idiot.”

“That’s up for debate…” you mumble, just loud enough for him to decipher your words. You’re not helping your case, Arthur holding his hands out expectantly as he awaits your compliance.

“Arthur,” you start, realising you’ve never actually said his name out loud before, liking the way it feels forming on your tongue, hating that fact. “Neither of us are gonna sleep a wink if I’m strapped to you.” 

He has little other choice. You know that, knowing there’s no way he’d trust you to not stab him in his sleep and run away. Smart guy, considering you’d already considered that very plan extensively. But no, he had to be difficult. He’s already stashed his knife with Boadicea, who is laid too far away to reach.

“Hindsight is clear as day, Princess. Maybe next time don’t try to run.” Pfft. Next time. There won’t be a next time, thanks to him. 

Running out of patience, Arthur takes a step towards you, and you take one step backwards. He reaches for the binders and you lift them away. It’s a dance, one he quickly tires of and grips onto your forearm before you can move it. 

His touch burns your skin, even through the gloves, and the fight leaves your body near instantly. His grip is firm, bruising, almost, and that devilish part of you enjoys it.

Would being chained to him for a night really be so bad…?

“Fine. Whatever. But keep your hands to yourself, mando. And you better not snore.”

“Of course, of course… wouldn’t wanna interrupt that beauty sleep, now, would I?” He sarcastically huffs, wrapping rope around the middle part of your binders that keeps your wrists together. Watching him twist and turn the rope around his huge hands does something to you, and you start to wonder if this man can do absolutely anything that won’t turn you on somehow. You’ve gotta knock this off, it’s getting dangerous, especially considering you’re about to share a bedroll tied to him. 

His rope isn’t the longest, giving only a few feet of space between the two of you as he loops it through his belt and around his own arm, knotted so intricately it would be impossible to untie without waking him up. An expert in rope tying… of course he is.

Pushing thoughts of other uses for that skill of his far, far away, you watch your escape plan fall apart before your eyes, every detail somehow preemptively thwarted by Arthur’s actions as if he could read your mind. Maker, you hope he can’t, they’ve been pretty much in bed with him since he bought you that drink back in the Cantina. 

Arthur sits down in the sand, the rope tugging at you to do the same. Notably, he leaves the bedroll for you, situating himself on the ground as far away as the rope will allow. And they said chivalry is dead…

“So we just… sleep? Here?” Your brows are pulled together, a sure sign of how displeased you are at this whole situation. 

“Well I could read ya’ a bedtime story, but some say I don’t get the voices quite right…” By the time you go to glare at him, he’s already laying in the sand, gazing up at the sea of stars. You sigh, taking that as answer enough. 

Silence, just for a moment. 

“G’night, princess…”

“...Goodnight, beroya.” 

[xielexalt]

2024 Retrospective, in detail

(aka the yapping version???)

Oh man. There's a lot I could say about this year.

As I said in the month-by-month art (music) retrospective, this is a transitional year and I've felt that heavily throughout, with things happening in IRL, school, and the creative world that show that this is a year where I'm turning the page, or starting the next entry, and most importantly -- learning where I stand in the world, while looking back upon my entire past.

This is the year I decided to put more effort into ZETHIEL's existence, he's honestly given me so much happiness. Commissioning artists and singing as him, building his lore, being thankful that other people love him and are excited to see him -- it makes me so, so happy. Although 2024 is definitely the year of ZETHIEL in a way, I'll probably have to dial him back in Q1 2025 just so I can focus on my other project that's in the works. (More on this later.) With Seraphic Alchemy especially, I think he's in a good spot where I can step away for a bit and he can still be something I'm satisfied with.

I've reevaluated a lot where I stand as a music producer, and I feel like I'm just kind of in a weird limbo in regards to that too. I'm a little under a year away from graduating my music production program, but as for my work opportunities, it's a bit strange. I'm proud I can do VGM & BGM work for others, but in terms of my personal tastes and creations, I'm just not entirely certain since I haven't created much in the way of original vocal songs this year either. I hope next year I can continue working on things so I can find the answer to what it means for me to be a music producer.

About my self-identity. To put it plainly, I have some form of DID/OSDD, although I don't talk about it in detail, it does strongly influence some of the narratives or emotions behind my work. This year has been vital for uncovering certain truths about my past and my soul, and coming more to terms with myself. These revelations definitely drive me forwards as a musician and creative. Honestly, the way I interpret and process the different sides of myself is almost a form of art in and of itself; like a sort of writing and worldbuilding that helps me process my memories and traumas. The sort of "beautiful" artistic approach I bring to understanding the facets of myself, is also the way I wish to express myself in the art I publish in the outer-facing world. Even now, I'm on the precipice of yet another a vital realization, I'm always trying to look inwards and outwards to figure out how I'm supposed to grow, and how I can put together the puzzle pieces of my disharmonic memory. It's been a rough challenge over the past four years especially to process certain things, but I'm finally glad that after all this time I feel like we're closer to the truth, and we're at a place that feels much better than the years preceding. This is why 2024 feels "transitional."

I don't want to sacrifice or hide any part of my self-identity when it comes to the public works I create. I may dress it up in metaphor, but I don't want to be inauthentic and self-sanitizing. I don't want to live in fear that the real things I experience are to be hidden away from my "professional" canvas. After all, to fully convey the self is something I think is a goal in art, and is the very essence of art itself.

It's easy to get lost in creation, and get frustrated with it, or feel like you're at a standstill with yourself. Imposter syndrome or art block, you name it -- these things bring severe doubt. But you have to remember the "soul" -- one should care for their soul, their body, that sort of thing. It's not easy, by any means. It can take years to truly understand what that means for you -- what it means to nurture and take care of your soul, and how it connects to you being an artist. Maybe this is what you call "purpose," too. More and more this year, I realize the importance of connecting to one's soul, and then in turn connecting that soul to art. This makes an outlook on art that brings more authenticity, and little regret. At least, that's how it is for me.

I regretted a lot of things when I first started creating. I felt like I was inauthentic too. But there are these things: taking therapy, reflecting upon my own self, finding healing and catharsis through fictional outlets, taking certain humanities classes that enlighten me on vital things about human nature and history... All of these have helped me grow and in turn prepare to be an artist I can be confident in.

I'm still prone to breakdowns and episodes, unfortunately is the nature of my disorders and the way I was raised. Even now I'm writing while trying to recover from a terrible mental health emergency, that happened over a week ago. I'm unsure when I'll fully recover, but I'm really looking forward to getting the ball rolling on that one personal project -- the one I said I'm gonna focus on in Q1 2025.

I've already done quite a bit of work on it this year behind-the-scenes, though I'm really going to have to shift gears and lock into focus for this now that ZETHIEL channel is less of a priority. I've brought together many artists and I hope they can showcase their work soon as promotional material once I finish my main promotional piece.

In the coming year, 2025 will still be in the transitional phase of my life. I'm expecting more new beginnings as I set sail into adulthood more and more, since I'm set to graduate college soon. After that, there's the question of moving out, relationships, careers, all that kinds of stuff. I think I'll figure it out as I move along.

Since I have quite a few mental disabilities, it is difficult for me to work every day, and I rest more often than not. But I still find myself dedicated to my music work and find fulfillment in being able to do things I have pride in.

This coming year will definitely be all new territory that I'm afraid to face, but I know I'll make it out one way or another. And I hope I can continue creating something that is beautiful and inspiring to others, to give them hope in this world that lacks it.

[dragonmasterhiccup]

Pointing directly at his shoulders, she unknowingly did the same action as well, although it wasn't intentional that time. "You just did it! See! I was right!" She lowered her face, hiding her grin and the giggles that bubbled out from the brink she'd set in herself that wouldn't normally let her laugh so freely. It felt... nice.

--------------

The Sand Wraith grumbled in agreement, using every ounce of his strength not to aggressively shake off the splinter from his wing - if he was even capable of doing that due to how sore it was.

Nodding lightly at his response, Freya took a deep breath in before she exhaled, trying to release all of her worries through the small action. "Yeah, it's okay... I won't forget that I have my own stuff to work on too.. I just--" She scrupled over speaking her original route of that sentence; the lines, 'I care about you..a lot' not seeming fit for her to say. It was true, she did, but there was also the reminder that said not to give away what she truly felt towards him, caging in her emotions into something portrayed as only being friendly or considered 'normal.' "..I don't want you to feel alone in this, cause you're not."

As Hiccup provided the details to what he and her father talked about, her brows started to crease, the frustration targeted at Ragnar steadily increasing. "No, no, Hiccup. You did help keep me safe. Don't you remember, I don't know...grabbing me before I could.." She stopped there, not desiring to recite the event that she'd much rather throw out of her memory.

"Yeah, but, Hiccup... I'm pretty sure dads don't throw draggers at someone who's...supposed to be their child's partner.." Freya specified the word 'supposed', reminding herself that their so-called 'relationship' wasn't real. Not one bit. That's what they agreed on, wasn't it? Act and behave in a similar manner to a genuine couple and then...call it quits once they figured themselves out enough. That's the plan.

And yet, there was a quiet and taciturn side of her that hesitantly communicated that's no longer what she wanted, that it wasn't just something she could brush off so easily anymore. What if she did want it to be real? To imagine the Chief's son returning what she felt towards him was like a distant dream she could only hope to see one day. All she could do was imagine. Because, surely, he doesn't hold the same affection to a person who plainly and openly despised him and treated him how he was called in the past: Useless.

The word left a bitter taste in her mouth. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock wasn't Useless or pathetic; she earnestly wished she could've seen that sooner.

Faintly smiling by hearing that she managed to help him, Freya took another subtle step closer, remembering to always keep some form of distance to prevent herself from doing anything she'd later regret. "Then..that makes two of us. You have no idea how much of a relief it was to have you there with me...for everything today, actually.."

Lost in the warmth of being in his embrace, she softly hummed out her answer, encouraging him to continue with what he wanted to say. She, however, did not expect for him to speak the next words her heart hastily took in. Her closed eyes opened, widening as her ears became red. The flutters were back and for a moment, she wondered if Hiccup viewed her in the same way... "..You are too, y'know.."

No, he couldn't do that to her. There was the border between them that explicitly said 'do not cross' in terms of having real feelings involved in their masquerade of a relationship. She wasn't allowed to cross over that, obviously. He was right, they hadn't even talked so kindly to one another in years. She assumed she never did, truthfully. So, remaining reticent, that's what drove her away from his arms so abruptly, stuttering to coherently respond.

-----------------

Thankfully, the next day wasn't off to such a gloomy start, due to it being the first day when Berk would begin setting up for her favorite holiday:

Snoggletog.

Freya nearly became like Ayla when the holiday was in season, jumping in place mostly all the time when she saw the snow on the ground and her most enjoyable part of it all: the lights. Whether that'd be hanging them up, or watching others do it, she absolutely loved that specific decoration. That fact stood as she practically skipped over to the forge, a bundle of string lights in her hands while Blaze carefully trotted behind her.

With intentions of going to put the lights up around that particular place, she hadn't expected to see the future Chief already in there, working. The sight immediately made her pause in her steps, staring at him puzzled. She was behind him, so it wasn't a big surprise he didn't hear her right away when she arrived. "Uhm...Hiccup? How long have you been out here? I mean...in the forge, to be exact?"

Quickly greeting Toothless, she went to stand a reasonable distance closer to his rider. Slightly tilting her head, which caused the smaller additional braid by the side of her ear to briefly follow her movements, she pointedly spoke: "You do remember everyone's starting to decorate for Snoggletog today..right? I was even gonna set some lights up around here where the space is available.." She said, as they were tangled around her now folded arms, although she didn't realize it. "I didn't think you'd be...working so early.."

He laughed with her, feigning frustration but unable to keep the smile off his face, especially when she laughed as well.

He really loved her laugh, and wanted to hear it more and more.

------------

His eyes found hers, a little taken back by her words, but found them comforting all the same.

"You're right. I have Toothless," he glanced at the dragon, before a grin tugged at the corner of his lips. Facing Freya again, he added, "...and I have you. Knowing that...I think it's really going to help."

He nodded, but interjected, "I--I should have seen it coming, gotten you out of the way..."

"Well, my dad's choice would be an axe, but...you have a point there..." The way she enunciated the word 'supposed' didn't go past him, and the reminder that their relationship was fake felt somewhat jarring.

They had grown closer, that was true, and today they really had to rely on each other, but even after all of that, their relationship was still fake.

He wished that wasn't the case.

It was clear in her tone, she meant that, and Hiccup felt his cheeks redden as he shyly looked away. He didn't see himself as incredible, but Freya saying that sure meant a lot.

The way she pulled herself away made him think twice, wondering if he'd crossed a line in what he said. But...he didn't think that was the case...

Maybe it was just too much, from a too intense day. "S-sorry..."

-----------------

"Huh?" Looking up, he glanced around, confused, until he realized the voice came from behind him. Turning, he set the hammer down, a smudge of ash on his cheek. His eyes lit up a bit, seeing it was Freya.

Pulling out a cloth, he wiped his hands. "Uh...I'm not sure. I... couldn't sleep, and there's a lot of orders to fill. Thought I'd come in, get a head start."

Toothless warbled a hello, smiling and leaning into Freya's touch. He followed her, tilting his head at Hiccup.

His brows furrowed. "Oh. That's today?" He thought they had a few more days before the decorations were underway. "Uh, well, you can put up the lights. I just have to get some more work in."

Let's see, this axe was almost done, just needed to be sharpened. He had some shields to build next, the wood already sanded and ready for wrapping and adding the metal details.

Seeing her staring at him, arms folded, he asked, "What? Is there...is there something wrong?"

[sixtysixproblems]

Last Line Challenge

I considered writing angst today for it because I crave revenge, but aparently (mostly) chaos won. thanks @heartofroses112 for tagging me <3

@myriadblvck @whyboi12 if either of you feel in the mood <3

This takes place like, late stage Fluorescent Mistakes. To avoid actual spoilers, because this is a fix it fic they find out about the chips & Palpatine. This is during the "that and other shit has gone down and we're trying to figure out what to do" era. Don't ask me why it's written before parts of next chapter, I don't know.

[Text briefly overlays the footage, and translated from Aurabesh it reads: Days without shebse nonsense: 0. Force help us all.] Ponds finally stops pacing, "Alright, I'm going to say damn professionalism for a moment. Generals, you were in the room, so it’s not like recounting it makes it any worse, and with all due respect, I don't give a shit what Bacara thinks--" "Thanks," Bacara's voice says from the other end of the camera. He is ignored.  "--And I definitely don't care what Neyo thinks. So." Neyo toasts to this and has more of his moonshine. Obi-Wan looks somewhat envious. 

"Earlier today I had to litterally jump in between the two of them and hold them back from punching eachother, or tackling, biting, etcétera etcétera-- whatever bullshit they would have chosen insert here." He sounds exasperated, but despite that and an attempt for a light tone, it's clear he's actually mostly worried and very, very tired, "And now they're both about twenty-five minutes late to the meeting. For all I know they're beating each other up in a closet somewhere. So I think my pacing is warranted." Obi-Wan winces, while General Koon, still almost imperceptibly, stiffens up again.  Neyo's face flickers briefly out of stoicism to something like suprise-worry-frustration halfway through and he pulls his feet off the table, his chair coming down to a normal position with a muffled think. The camera makes an odd swoop, like Bacara was about to turn it off, but then-- "Mate, you should have let them." Neyo says, not tilting the chair onto two feet again, but slouching back and throwing his arm over the back, disinterested once more.  "You know what Neyo..." Ponds starts. "No he's got a point. If they go at it, it'll probably be over quick." Says off-screen-Bacara. Neyo gestures at him like "see"? Mace went back to his paperwork about halfway through when Neyo started talking. Obi Wan looks halfway to amusement but unsure if he wants to take the final steps. Ponds looks to be on a separate continent from amusement. 

"Oh wow, I'm sure letting them give eachother black eyes and emotional damage and god knows what else will really help us take down an evil wizard," Ponds says, dryly, "Thanks Neyo." "Sarcasm isn't a good look on you," Neyo smirks faintly, "You should stick to glowering." "Well, our face isn't a good look on you,"  Cue off-screen-Bacara cackles, "Go get him Pondsie!" Bacara is rewarded for his encouragement with a middle finger from Commander “Pondsie”.  Neyo raises an eyebrow, "First of all, uncalled for. Second of all, you've never stopped me and Bacara from going at it." Ponds pinches the bridge of his nose, "That's because you and Bacara are a lost cause." "Hey now, we actually made it to the meeting, unlike some people." “Sadly.” “C’mon, it’s what Fox would have wanted. Lettem fight,” Neyo says, correctly identifying that was why Cody and Wolffe were fighting, correctly identifying Fox would find this at least a little funny, and incorrectly thinking that "Fox thinks it’s funny" = a healthy or even viable way to sort out interpersonal conflict.  Ponds glares, "Hey, O- General Kenobi, heads up." "Erm," Kenobi says, who'd crossed into amusement by this point but quickly backtracks, "I'd actually prefer--" "General?" Ponds says, still glaring at Neyo.  General Windu, not looking up from his work, waves a hand and a discarded caf cup flies into Ponds's hand. "Oh for the love of--" This caf cup is thrown at Neyo's head with high levels of prejudice. It reveals itself to not be entirely empty. General Kenobi is saved from getting splashed only by the force, which he uses to hault the caf coming towards him mid air. Neyo does not have the force. General Koon raises his eyebrows (eyebrow-like...muscles?) very high. General Windu meanwhile doesn't react to his second in command throwing beverages at his other second in command at all.

this is probably too long RIP

what if I told you this was the abridged version