#I'm feeling it today mr krabs

[sapphire-weapon]

so tired of my brain being broken i just want to write

[burger-goblin]

.

[fvzzyelf]

OKAY so ok, i ended up being EXHAUSTED yesterday and fell asleep instead of doing replies ooooop!!

but i am here now and feeling it mr. krabs!!

more ooc chatter under the cut but otherwise.. i'm gettin' to work yall.

so i had an interview today that went well and THEN i got notified i will be moving on the a second batch of interviews for another position and THEN i had an interview about ANOTHER position which might pay me the most if i get it and they would pay for me to go to VA for three weeks of training which sounds amazing tbh...

i think it is gonna be okay yall ahhhh

[thearcherprentiss]

Criminal Minds as things my friends have said pt. 4

Emily: "1: I didn't know where I was, and B: I didn't know anyone."

Morgan: "1 and B?"

Emily: "Oh, shut up!"

Reid: "You did a really good job cooking this chicken, Rossi!"

Rossi: "...that's a pork chop."

Reid, staring at what is CLEARLY a pork chop: "Are you sure??"

Emily: "Believe it or not, I'm not heartless."

JJ: "I never thought you were heartless."

Emily: "Yes I am!"

JJ: "But you just said-"

Emily: "NO"

Rossi: "Yesterday I looked out my window and saw a guy speed by on a lawnmower. He looked really happy. I wish my life was that exciting... maybe I should buy a lawnmower."

Reid: "What if she doesn't like me?"

Garcia: "Then she isn't good enough for you."

*awkward pause*

Emily: "Again, this time with feeling!"

Garcia: "Oh my god, he is literally having a crisis!"

Emily: "I was uncomfortable, okay!"

Luke: "Tara, I'm going to give you the best advice that I can."

Tara: "Uh oh."

Luke: "As Lily Tomlin once said: carry yourself with the confidence of a mediocre white man."

Tara: "That actually might be the best advice you've ever given."

Tara: "I've hit a new low. Or a new high. Depends on how you look at it. I used my internet stalker skills to find someone I met today. I knew two facts about him: where he went to school, and that he failed chemistry. I didn't know his name and I still found him."

Matt: "That's concerning."

Tara: "It's a gift."

Emily: "I will be so mad if I find out you didn't do what you were supposed to do."

Reid: "How would you find out?"

Emily: "I have my ways..."

Reid: "You know... I believe you."

Emily, backing out of the room: "Watch your back, Spencer."

Reid, eyes wide: "Okay..."

Hotch: "Emily, you cannot just fight people whenever you feel like it."

Emily: "That's homophobic!"

Hotch: "How is that-"

Emily: "Silence, unless you want to be a homphobe."

Hotch: "I hate it here."

Reid: "Do you want half of this piece of gum?"

Luke: "Why?"

Reid: "Because a whole piece is too much. I don't want to be wasteful."

Luke, taking the gum hesitantly: "You're a really strange person."

Reid: "I'm aware, thank you."

Morgan: "Everyone has a Spongebob character that fits their personality. Hotch is Squidward, Rossi is Mr. Krabs, JJ is Sandy, Reid is Karen, Garcia is Pearl, Emily is Plankton, and I'm Spongebob."

Emily, rolling her eyes: "Of course you're the main character."

Hotch: "Derek, is this what you think about in your spare time?"

Morgan: "No, I usually think about it when I'm supposed to be paying attention."

[plankaren]

wellz i wanted to make this primarily a plankaren shipping blog but i'll talk about other sbsp stuffs too :)

this post here is a thought stream so im just rambling to myself. nothing too fancy. i need to write out my excitement!!

i just finished season 1 and since i have the dvd, there are a lot of bonus features. Theyre all so cute <3 unfortunately, although it was brand new, the case cracked on its own and the first disc had some sort of smudge i couldnt get off, and so a lot of data wouldnt load. i had to watch the latter episodes another way. and theres an audio commentary for plankton! on the disc which made me sad. I'll check that out soon through my other method. but i did get to watch the commentary for karate choppers.... man the cast are dirty xD I'm surprised clancy brown just went ahead and swore in mr. krabs voice on an official dvd. It delights me, but if i was my child self i would have been like "WHAT!!!!!!!! SPONGEBOB IS FOR KIDS!!!!!!!!!" bahahaha.

mmm well on the other end of the sponge history, i have been watching newer episodes with my friend, usually plankton and karen themed ones.

karen for spot is very cute episode. It aired exactly a month ago today! I have a soft spot (lol) for dog episodes because well, i have a hyperactive doggy who i love very much x) to me its very cute that plankton has a dog. and its interesting to see karen struggle with something! i realize now my icon is from this episode... i just download it from somewhere with no context xD

we also watched plankton gets the boot... to me this is a waaaaay better version of karen 2.0. i hate that episode. even since i was a child, it felt sexist to me in a way i couldnt articulate at the time. plankton is more of a plot device than a character there. actually just trying to explain this kinda ticks me off so imma leave it at that lol. The only part of karen 2.0 i did like was when spongebob and mr krabs took karen in, that was sweet. (also karen crying is cute... that feels evil to say but it is true. v.v) ANYWAYS PLANKTON GETS THE BOOT!!! Plankton is immediately punished for being an asshole! Thats already a good sign haha! And spunch helps him to better himself for karen. That part was sweet. I said this to my friend but i think since networks are more lax now they're letting the characters be gayer than before xD patrick kissing spongebob on the cheek is cute. I see it as friendship but waaaaaaa they love each other!!!! waaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!! the part where plankton is trying to make karen jealous is where i saw the contrast from karen 2.0. she does not care. its funny!!! i can say the only part i dislike is fatphobic plankton. Dx and well this might be more a personal thing, but sometimes when plankton and karen argue it feels too realistic to be funny? at the end of karen for spot it felt fine because Dog, but not relly here.

also patnocchio... I dont have much to say on this but i love the duo of patrick and plankton !!! and i love fairy karen... the end of the episode where plankton just yells KAREN made me hoot and holler a lil. heeheehoo. i am very entertained :)

also hi friend i mentioned in this post!!!! i love you!!!!!!!!!!

[strawberrystepmom]

did you start your period?? not to be weird or anything but you would be the nth person on my dash today 😭😭 including me!! it's like we're Bluetooth connected

me and the moots when our cycles bluetooth sync digitally

i am about three days out from starting mine and im feeling it mr krabs. i'm literally postal and would love to maim <3 tbh my periods aren't even bad it's the week of lead up that is ALWAYS bad. cramps and moody and mad and angry and why is this happening to me as if it's a surprise and it hasn't been happening for 16 years LMFAO

[nickmaghighlights]

Nick Mag Highlights - #150 March 2009

Salutations everyone, and welcome to another chewy edition of Nick Mag Highlights. Today we’ll be reading through Nickelodeon Magazine #150, from March 2009!

First off, I’d like to apologize for the time since my last NMH post. I'm still trying to work out a proper schedule for this blog that makes sure I’m able to get these posts out at a consistent but manageable rate. Anyway, on with the show!

This cover is resoundingly familiar to me (yes, I dare even say nostalgic). 

It’s a classic bit of SpongeBob fare, which was indeed a largely familiar sight for Nickelodeon Magazine covers following SpongeBob SquarePants’ release and subsequent generation-defining popularity. For reference, 2009 saw the release of the show’s sixth season. Man, time flies!

Speaking of 2009, that was also the year that saw the unfortunate end of Nickelodeon Magazine in November. Being honest, that does sort of add a sad twinge to these issues for me, but I’ll set that aside for the sake of unbiased, uh, retrospecting! (Is that a word?) 

You can find the full issue here. Feel free to read along with me, if you’re so inclined!

Let’s see what’s on the menu today… Y’know I always get excited whenever the theme of the issue is something more on the oddly-specific side, like “Friends and Enemies”. You wouldn’t expect a whole magazine of content could be squeezed out of something like that, but that’s what makes it so interesting.

I’m most interested to see how stoic, harpoon-wielding Mr. Krabs ties into all this, especially with the theming. What do you think: friend or foe?

Holy moly, these credits couldn’t be more 2009 if they tried! Ah man, as fun as it was to make fun of Facebook moms back in the day (or, more specifically, watch Smosh make fun of Facebook moms back in the day), but funnily enough I think I now envy that sort of online innocence.

But forget about that! The Kids’ Choice Awards is nearly here! Actually, forget about that. There’s a new iCarly special coming out! Wait, no no no, forget about all of that! There’s a new episode of… uh, The Naked Brothers Band… coming out. Yay? On second thought, never mind, forget about that instead. The first two were way more exciting.

Woah, hey now! Aren’t we getting a bit ahead of ourselves here? The calendar was never this early on in any of the previous issues I’ve covered on this blog so far. I wonder what prompted the format change?

Speaking of change, I see they changed the instructions, too. I’m supposed to put this in a binder now? Who keeps a calendar in a binder? Besides, whenever I’ve had to use a binder for school or what-have-you, I’ve always had to use multiple binders. So I’d need a calendar for each binder, lest I be caught without a way to tell what day I’m even living in! This is madness!

Er, anyway, I can’t help but feel they might have been stretching for stuff to put in the March calendar this year. I mean, nothing against vitamins of course. Or even vitamin facts, for that matter! But I’m not sure they make the best calendar theme.

I would like to give a shoutout to this absolute fashionista on page 7 here. Sorry for all the 3D-printed BFF bling you’d have to make to properly steal her style.

Well isn’t this cute? But don’t let your guard down! It’s still just as much of a puzzle as any other puzzle… And when it comes to Nick that means it’s pretty easy, and this quest to spot the fake story is no different. 

Now I know I sound arrogant, but I will admit I wasn’t always such a whiz-kid! I’m pretty sure when I read this section back in the day I didn’t even notice it was supposed to be a puzzle, so I just took all these stories at face-value. Now, I’m smarter. Now, I can recognize a suspiciously flat, edited-in emu and can compare it to all the other dynamic and much harder to fake photos.

Now, I haven’t even actually checked the answer by the time of writing this, so maybe the fake story is actually the hamster and snake, who knows. I’d sure have egg on my face, wouldn’t I?

Call me crazy, but is that Homer Simpson and Bart in the bottom left near the trash can?

You know what I say, two pages spent on some Where’s Waldo?-style picture puzzle action is nary two pages wasted (I always say that). And this one’s a fun concept! I actually got distracted while writing this trying to find all the different situations that fit the BFF acronym. 

Now, I usually try to shed some light on the wonderful people responsible for Nick Magazine’s distinct art, but I’m actually hard-pressed to find much on Andrew Brisman, the artist behind these pages. Searching him online seems to just unearth a couple of gambling guide books written under the same name. And, regardless of whether or not that’s the same Brisman, I’m more interested in finding credits that are more relevant to what we’re talking about today.

So in that regard, the most I could find was that an Andrew Brisman did work as an editor on Dark Horse Comics’ Avatar: The Last Airbender - The Lost Adventures series. I’m inclined to believe that’s our guy, since a DeviantArt post from a former Nickelodeon Magazine editor indicates Brisman as previously working as a co-editor for an issue of Nickelodeon Magazine centered around the same show.

So yeah! Not every one of these artists is going to be so easy to find, but it’s nice to give credit where credit is due. I wish the best for Brisman, maybe he's doing something for those three new Avatar: The Last Airbender movies in development, eh?

I suppose this is a good way for kids to get the lowdown on all the famous media rivalries they probably already know about. I suppose the real engaging part is trying to figure out what the numbers on the Fight-o-Meter mean. 

Also, is it really necessary to spoil The Empire Strikes Back’s twist like that? I get it’s an old movie, but c’mon, there’s presumably kids reading who didn’t know yet.

I can’t be too critical though, since according to the website of the writer behind this section, she wrote this during an internship at Nick Magazine. Everyone’s gotta start somewhere!

Time for some pull-out pranks! Well, one prank and two small inspirational posters. It’s always weird for me whenever I’m reminded that old meme format in the top left used to just be a poster format people used regularly. 

And here we come across a beautiful cover done by the artist Theo Ellsworth to start off this issue’s Comic Book. If you’d like to check out more of his stuff, it seems your best venue is his Blogger site and Tumblr blog, although they’re seemingly no longer active.

Got to shed some spotlight on Scene but Not Heard once again. I may have brushed it off to the side in the last post but I think that’s a habit I picked up from childhood. Since this comic was so consistent I ended up glossing over it back in the day since I knew it was always going to be there. But in hindsight, that’s really not giving this comic and its creator Sam Henderson enough credit. It must not have been easy coming up with such entertaining, imaginative illustrations consecutively for more than fifteen years! Or maybe it was, I dunno. They’re funny either way.

(Also hello down there, Impy! Man, I love that little guy!)

Oh boy, time for another introduction! Grampa and Julie: Shark Hunters was a serialized comic created for Nickelodeon Magazine by Jef Czekaj, which ran from 1999 all the way to the magazine’s cancellation. It follows a young girl named Julie and her scientist Grampa as they do the, y’know, eponymous shark hunting. Mischief also ensues, I’m pretty sure. 

This comic wasn’t really one of my favorites growing up, and this incredibly wordy two-pager that’s really just setting up for a presumably much more action-packed installment next month isn’t really doing much to change my mind on that. But hey, maybe this is just a bad example. Shark Hunters still had (has?) its fans! The Letters to the Editors section of this issue actually includes a message from a reader begging for the return of this comic, as it apparently had gone on a short hiatus. I hope it was everything they wanted!

Now, that would be all, but there’s a bit more history to go over. In 2006, Klasky Csupo (the company behind Rugrats, The Wild Thornberrys, and Aaahh!!! Real Monsters, among others) produced a ten-minute pilot based on Grampa and Julie: Shark Hunters, and pitched it to Nickelodeon as a potential series. As we know now, the pilot wasn’t picked up. But you can check it out here:

It definitely surprises me how much of a departure in art style and tone this is from the majority of Klasky Csupo's other projects, but I do appreciate them replicating the comic's memorable look. What also surprises me is the casting of Academy Award-winning actor Dustin Hoffman (Kramer vs. Kramer, Rain Man, Kung Fu Panda) as the voice of Grampa! It's definitely an unexpected choice, and it makes me wonder if he would've stayed on the project had the series actually gotten picked up. 

Coming up next is a nice little SpongeBob Squarepants comic. It’s fun to see Sandy and SpongeBob get competitive and the colors are quite nice. Not much to say, but hey, it's nice.

Eventually, due to the rising popularity of video games in the mainstream, Nickelodeon Magazine saw fit to start incorporating a video game-themed section in their issues to give the gaming populace what they wanted. From my memory, these usually consisted of cheat codes and tips, or sometimes a rundown on whatever new Nickelodeon games were coming out at the time. Here we’ve got ourselves a comedic writeup on how some video game characters feel about their best and worst players. It's a funny idea and the illustrations are nice, but I particularly can't get over the absolute verbal thrashing Mario gives to an 8-year old girl in the bottom left section. 

Also this just came to mind, but aren't all these characters essentially doxxing their players here? Let this be a lesson on why you should always read the Terms & Conditions.

See, I told you that we’d be seeing more SpongeBob in this issue! (Don’t fact check that). 

But yeah, 2009 minus 1999 is indeed 10, and Nickelodeon was all-in on capitalizing on their mascot’s milestone anniversary. This celebration eventually culminated in the premiere of an hour-long special episode titled Truth or Square, but on these pages here we can see an example of one of the off-shoot promotions also coinciding with the celebration.

Starting in March (for some reason) and ending at an unspecified month, Nickelodeon challenged fans with various SpongeBob-themed puzzles, available both in-print and online. The answers to these puzzles would then be utilized to unlock the password to a special “digital prize”. Now, I am having difficulty finding out just how long this promotion lasted for or what the digital prize even was, but I’m willing to guess it was a funky desktop wallpaper. If anyone knows anything about this challenge or the digital prize, I’d love to hear it! Feel free to send a message and I’d be happy to include an update on the blog.

And hey, even if this promotion is close to reaching its 15-year anniversary now, we can still appreciate the art for this issue’s puzzle, which depicts a scene similar to an episode from the show’s third season, “Clams”.

Pretty funny designs for this batch of contest submissions. Readers must have been drowning in anticipation during the seven month-long period between the opening of this contest in August of 2008 and the actual results here in March of 2009. I appreciate giving the kids all the time they need to hone their craft.

Got a favorite? I personally am quite fond of the Spikesicle, it definitely stands out amongst its slimy contemporaries. The Man-wich Sundae is pretty good too. I think it have wings?

Holy moly, Spectacular! And not just Spectacular!, but a tear-out poster and a backside that features everything you need to know about the members of the band and their real-life actors! This is so cool! 

…Wait, what the heck is Spectacular!?

Yeah, sorry, but this really is not ringing any bells. And let me remind you, I had this issue as a kid, so I must have read this at some point! I guess my young eyes must’ve just inherently glazed over when it happened upon teen bands. Sorry to any Spectacular! fans who may be reading.

Uh, hm… In regards to anything else to say on the subject… Let's see… 

That’s the girl from Victorious, isn’t it? Victoria Justice? She seems familiar, yeah… 

Ooh, look on the right! They’re making a show about the penguins from that Madagascar movie! Cool!

Holy moly, the Disrepectoids. Such a strange marketing stunt from the likes of a juice box brand ended up giving way to a very short-lived but incredibly memorable childhood fascination for me. Essentially the whole thing was based around these live-action commercials that each showcased a scenario of a kid beating up, destroying, or otherwise causing grief to their helpless Capri Sun juice pouch. Said kid would then pay the price by being turned into a freak called a Disrepectoid, with each kid sporting a different affliction based on the disrespect they gave their pouch. Here’s one of the first commercials, showcasing the origin of the Disrepectoid featured at the forefront of this page, Bobblehead Fred:

Never really understood how hitting a pouch with a baseball bat links with getting turned into a bobblehead. Shouldn’t he get a baseball bat head instead, or something?

This promotion also included a plethora of Flash games and online cartoons hosted on a dedicated website, featuring stylized renderings of the kids from the commercials. Capri Sun obviously wanted this to be a big deal, seeing as how this was a whole magazine page advertising the airing of a commercial. But hey, I bought into it, and to be honest I couldn't really tell you why nowadays. Maybe I just liked the artstyle? 

If you want an idea on how big I was into this, I could genuinely make a whole post just on these guys. Too bad they’re not a magazine!

Anyway, the whole thing lasted about two or three years I’m pretty sure, before Capri Sun shelved the concept and went back to being a drink for kids who play sports or something, I dunno. Still, for the short time it was around I found the Disrespectoids brand incredibly imaginative and engaging.

Another issue in the bag! It was fun doing another Nick Mag from my childhood. Hopefully it was fun to read, too! As might be able to tell, this was definitely a trip down memory lane. 

Anyway, in regards to my schedule. I was thinking of shifting to something bi-weekly (of the every two weeks variety, not twice a week). Take a look:

So yeah! Hopefully this will allow me to stay refreshed and still keep making stuff people want to see. This blog is already growing bigger than I would've expected and I've gotten nice feedback from people who appreciate Nickelodeon Magazine just like I do. I'm excited to see where this blog goes, and thank you to everyone who's here to see it! 

Have a great day, and as always, keep reading! 

[traumadumpling]

I feel so fucking weird today. I'm just uncomfortable in my body. Not like a self conscious way either, but like a "my bones ache and I can't get comfortable no matter how I sit/stand/lay" way.

I'm in pain, i think I have a low fever, and I'm just not feeling it today Mr Krabs

[ofhorrorxgurl]

Story Time

When I was VERY small kid, Watching SpongeBob is one of my favorite shows ever since I had surgery as a baby, Watching SpongeBob is like a Comfort Series for laughs.

As I get older, my very first comfort character SpongeBob came back to my mind when I was feeling very depressed today. I remembered all the funny adventures he went on and the silly things he used to say. I could almost hear his voice in my head, saying, "I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm ready!"

I smiled as I reminisced about the times I would watch SpongeBob SquarePants and laugh at all the silly jokes. I even remembered singing along to the theme song, "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

My mind drifted to all the other characters in the show, the ones who always ended up getting into trouble. I thought about Patrick, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, Sandy, and Plankton. I could almost hear them talking to each other in my head, and I smiled at the thought of them all together.

I thought back to the times when I watched SpongeBob and his friends when I was feeling down. He always made me feel better, and I was grateful for that. I was so thankful for the comfort he brought me as a child.

As the memories of SpongeBob flooded my mind, I knew that I was going to be okay. I could feel a warmth come over me, and I knew that I was going to make it through this difficult time. I was thankful for my childhood companion, SpongeBob SquarePants, and all the joy he had brought me.

As a child, I often felt overwhelmed by my emotions. When I would get too overwhelmed, I would seek comfort in a certain cartoon character - SpongeBob SquarePants. I found his optimistic attitude and bubbly personality soothing and calming. I would often talk to him in my head, telling him about my worries and fears. On the days I was particularly upset, I would curl up on the sofa with a blanket and watch SpongeBob episodes.

Now this. This is what happens when I Feel Sad.

I remember one particular time when I was sobbing uncontrollably after Going Live On this App called ZEPETO. I felt so Broken and Sad, but then, I remembered SpongeBob. I picked up my pillow and hugged it tightly, imagining that it was SpongeBob. I imagined him talking to me, telling me that everything would be alright. His voice was so comforting and reassuring that it made me feel a bit better.

I have continued to find comfort in SpongeBob throughout my life. Whenever I am feeling down, I know I can find solace in my beloved SpongeBob. He has been a faithful companion and a source of comfort for me for many years.

When I was a child, I had a rough time. I was bullied relentlessly by my peers and had trouble making friends. I felt alone and had no one to turn to. That's when I discovered SpongeBob. I was drawn to his kind and gentle personality. I felt like he understood me and accepted me for who I was. We would have long conversations about my day and my troubles. I would tell him about the kids who made fun of me and he'd tell me to keep my chin up and that it would all be okay. Whenever I was feeling down, I'd put on a SpongeBob movie and I'd feel better. He was my first real comfort character and I always knew I could count on him to make me feel better.

Sometimes, When I feel Very Sad because of how Terrible my Life is. Laugher is the best medicine to watch SpongeBob.

For me it’s different, I get too Embarrassed when My Mom put on the show when she needs comfort too, but me?

Yes. I Love him as much as my family but when I feel very very sad, I’ll always watch SpongeBob to cheer up after a long cry.

[izzy-b-hands]

my body has decided no more sleep for now, even tho i tried getting there again

mum is taking me out to sign and pay for our tax prep today, but didn't give me a time, so I'm hemming and hawing just. forcing myself to stay awake until that's done (tho god i hope she'll come by earlier vs later or im gonna b. Feeling It Mr. Krabs lmaooo)

on the plus side i would probably sleep really well once home tho

[unhingedwomandiaries]

I'm sitting here, staring at my screen, the glow of corporate efficiency bathing my face in a sickly light as I mutter under my breath: "I am Mr. Krabs and I deserve money." It's become my mantra, a desperate incantation against the soul-crushing reality of being underpaid and undervalued in a world where success is measured in designer handbags and years of mindless loyalty.

Today, I watched a coworker celebrate their 25th work anniversary. Twenty-five years. At this very company. Their LinkedIn profile reads like a Kafka-esque nightmare of corporate devotion: graduated in 2000, started working here immediately. No diversions, no exploratory phase, just a direct pipeline from academia to this fluorescent-lit purgatory.

And what does one receive for this quarter-century of unwavering dedication? A handbag. But not just any handbag – we're talking about the kind of accessory that's so exclusive, it makes the velvet ropes of Studio 54 look like the entrance to a Walmart. The type of store where you can't simply walk in and make a purchase. No, you need to cultivate a "relationship" with a sales associate, as if buying a bag requires the same level of commitment as adopting a child.

I tell myself I'm not jealous. That I'm above coveting these symbols of capitalist excess. But who am I kidding? I'm seething with envy, my cubicle-bound existence feeling more suffocating by the second.

So here I am, a grown adult, silently chanting "I am Mr. Krabs and I deserve money" while pretending to analyze spreadsheets. Because in this twisted corporate landscape, isn't that what we're all doing? Trying to convince ourselves that our labor is worth more than the pittance we're paid, that we're not just interchangeable parts in a machine designed to pad the pockets of those above us?

Maybe I need a new job. Maybe I need to reassess my life choices. Or maybe I just need to accept that in this world, some people get the designer handbag, and some of us are left clutching our company-issued mouse pads, wondering if there's a parallel universe where our work is actually valued.

[chatgroove]

illness related vent under cut I'm just...having one of those days

I tried to donate blood yesterday for the 50 dollar egift card to Walmart and I got denied cause my hemacrit was too low one of the symptoms of my RA is chronic anemia because the inflammation destroys my red blood cells. Makes sense why I've been so tired. I guess the multivite isn't doing it for me, I need specifically more iron I hate this fucking disease, bitch ass mother fucker. I don't talk about it a lot but I fucking hate having RA. Oh what's that? The inflammation not only causes pain but EATS AWAY AT MY JOINTS, BLOOD CELLS, AND INFLAMES MY ORGANS? and the the only medications that treat it are chemotherapy drugs? Love it here.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry I'm just. So fucking bitter lately about my health. I'm back on the placquinel, ya know, the one that has a 4% chance of blindess. I have to, my inflammation markers on my labs were high AGAIN last time. I give up. I don't want the organ involvement so I'll take my stupid meds. It takes me 20 minutes to get out of bed every morning because the ra makes me so stiff in the morning. Oh and I couldn't have RA without it's bff fibromyalgia!!! Double pain for the price of one.

I'm sorry ignore me I'm. Feeling it today mr krabs. I'm just angry.

[stressedlawsecretary]

Today's Focus

01.30.24 - Tuesdays are just Monday 2.0 The Revenge and I feel it today Mr. Krabs. Thankfully, Spotify's algorithm is on point for the playlist I chose today; I'm using that as my spot of sunshine since I have to go out and buy lunch no thanks to forgetting mine.

Work - So, technically, I have a case of JMK's to close. BUT, the window to file an appeal has not closed yet, so what this means in actuality is that I have to figure out what that ends and put a memo on my calendar to close it on that day. Maybe I'll do my mandatory training today....

Background Noise - I am down to 99 on the Watch Later!! This is cause to celebrate; it's been a while since the playlist was under 100 videos.

I haven't been adding too many; I've been keeping up on what's new in a way that keeps the playlist from getting more overwhelming. But this also means that I'm really getting into the meaty, longer videos I've saved that are all around 30 min long.

That being said I did get through like 14 videos yesterday, most of them between 25-30 min so let's see if I can keep this up!

Study - It's article & report day so I have a whole list of what I'm going to cycle between:

My deep dives into Emmett Till's murder, climate policy in Australia, the misconduct of former NYPD Detective Scarcella, and the Horizon IT scandal

'Good news' articles

Changes in the Banking and Currency System of the United States also called the Glass Report

The Negro Problem

The Franklin Papers - Observations Concerning the Increase of Mankind

A Hair Piece: Perspectives on the Intersection of Race and Gender

When is a Book Not a Book? Oliver Twist in Context

Any other interesting articles I stumble upon

I'm going to say I made out pretty well yesterday. I read:

Seven (7) articles on climate policy

Six (6) articles on Detective Scarcella

Four (4) articles on the Horizon IT scandal

Two (2) other articles

The complete decision of SCOTUS on 303 Creative, LLC v. Elenis

The Wiki page for Ex parte Milligan

The Wiki page for Ex parte Quirin

Complaint 01719

Extras - I am supposed to have D&D tonight, so the dinner is easy Sloppy Joes, but that's up in the air and leaning toward a cancellation. No real chores; I planned for those tomorrow. So fingers crossed it's either a fun & relaxing or just a relaxing night at home with hunny.

[neonstatic]

i was supposed to help this guy at work w his photography assignment :/ we're not exactly friends, but it doesn't sit right to simply label him as a coworker, so let's say he's a good acquaintance rn. so he had this assignment where had to take abt 10 pictures and he wanted me to model for him. told him i'd be down but needed to know more abt the assignment and what it entails. took some arm-twistin' to get the info out of him (red flag!) but eventually i got it and he had this theme that truly inspired me and i was officially down: i had a fit in mind, places we could shoot, poses, etc. unfortunately our last-minute shoot had to be cancelled bc he was swamped w work.

some weeks after tho, he tells me that actually, the assignment has been delayed and he wants to try a new concept. unfortunately, again, we had to let it go cus he rly wanted cool smoking shots and not only do i not smoke, i actively avoid any smoke bc of my asthma. (plus he wanted shots of me looking passed out and i didn't feel comfortably being captured like this by some guy who's not even a friend yet.) also clearly he was still trying to figure out what the assignment required of him and was throwing stuff at a wall (shedding light on a seemingly random social issue) and hoping it would stick (getting his teacher's approval) and i refused to give a confirmed yes til i could tell that he knew and understood exactly what he wanted.

well it is clear from the very first sentence of this post that it didn't happen. the reason why i bring this up is bc we last spoke today and he had a brand new concept, and i quote, "reclaiming your identity thru fashion." generally good concept except that it doesn't mean much, so i asked him, "what identity?" and he said, "well, ykno, you're black, bisexual, fat, etc." and i had this strange feeling, like a subdued version of a horrified realisation, when i understood that i wasn't just helping him w a project - i had become The Project.

which could've been flattering. i've been asked to be someone's muse before and i haven't posed yet but i'm open to it. but w him, it's like i'm literally some means to a gain. i feel like a fkg bingo card he wants to use to get a good grade at the Social Issue Class: Photography Edition. i'd signed up to put on my best outfit and do funky, cool poses in the streets, not have someone tighten a corset around my fat torso or hold up signs of insults targed at me that i'm "reclaiming." it got incredibly personal out of nowhere and was proposed w none of the respect or finesse it deserved.

so yeah i had to shut it down. and he said, "but you had an almost nude shoot," but yeah i was naked around other naked ppl, not just one guy w a camera. and it wasn't abt me as a person but /he/ made it so and now it's weird!!! some ppl, it just feels like their liberalism or wtv is all just lip-service and he picked me for his project bc i'm Black and Fat and Bisexual and Nonbinary and Alternative and it'll make him look so good in front of his classmates and teacher

gosh this is long but yeah no it rly bothers me still. he seemed real disappointed and like he didn't rly have a plan b for his project. sucks to suck but i chose not to care too much altho i feel like i'm letting him down, but he's been a lil passive-aggressive in a jokey way (saying he'd hold a grudge and had no choice but to take lame pics out in the streets :cccc insert mr krabs' tiny violin) and there's no better way to alleviate my guilt cus i hate passive-aggression. it's fine tho if he's a lil upset as long as he gets over it and leaves me alone.

[wingedcatgirl]

"so what are you gonna do with this information?" post mostly just because i said i would and i know some people are nosy and i feel like enabling that today. (i can't really think of a time when you need this information cause who the hell am i to be your role model. unless you desperately need literally any role model. in which case. well. you're desperate but maybe try to keep looking.)

again though i don't care what you do. i fucking refuse to become a "dni if you interact with irredeemable problematic media like st////e/ven uni/////ver////se and ha////rry po//t/////ter" kind of blog. buy the game anyway, or pirate it, or avoid it entirely, or wait for further information before deciding for sure, based on whatever fits your moral code. it's not my business.

i personally stopped caring about the discord comments the moment i saw the timestamps. they're from five years ago and if he was still like that today it'd be trivial to find something more recent. the evasive semi-apology kinda grates but he's from one of those "being funny is so important that you can't criticize jokes for their content ever" reddit corners so admitting it's not actually funny after all is kind of like a "sorry" around there.

the tribe cheese is really uncomfortable. like. there's no other explanation for what they are than "racist stereotype". i don't want to play a game that contains that. so i won't. until i see a screenshot of whatever they're replaced with in action. i would probably have not bought the game in the first place if i knew they were in it but they're an enemy in like one level so obviously they're not that prominent. obviously the process of replacing them is gonna take a non trivial amount of effort. the "rain dance" mechanic is too embedded in the level to just swap out with something else. so i'm not gonna bother about how long it takes. that's just how long i'll wait. if it doesn't happen then i guess i'm not playing pizza tower anymore.

i don't actually know what mr pinch's deal is beyond what he looks like cause i never got to his level. based on reading the wiki he seems to be one of those "tries to hurt you but actually just carries you around" enemies? i also don't know if the "he's actually based on these other characters" argument holds water at all. if it was my game i'd replace him with something else just to be sure. another post in the tag suggested a mr krabs expy. sure that'd probably work. i forget where i was going with this. i think it was intended to lead to something actionable on my part. might as well also wait for this to be replaced too since i'm literally already doing that.

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE YAYYYYY AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME I LOVE TORTURING MY FRIENDS <333333 PERFECT SPIKE WITH THE KNIFE VOLLEYBALL

>> yes yes yes I was absolutely picturing trickster seeing him on the news. Just like a shaky faraway video a civilian caught on their phone or something. but it's enough for trickster to see some of that dreamlike stuff and then ashe like. steps backward into one of his doors and disappears before a big wave hits where he was just standing or something. why does the trickster get TV service in his evil little chaos zone? why would the trickster be watching tv? I don't know! I dont care!! but he does and he is at least for this one moment. maybe he like. invades somebody's house and They were watching the news and he got distracted. idfk.

>> side note about tricksters territory I've been dying to picture visual parallels to the spirit realm even though i KNOW the chaos zone is different from the spirit realm they are still connected in my mind. also side side note on that topic i had a couple thoughts about clarence and mal in this au. and also the nilbog type situation where trickster first gets contained there. but that's for later it's trickster time now. speaking of mal though you know how when they first went to go find tide and they ended up in that haunted carnival. i think it would be REALLY really fun if tricksters territory was a city that had an adjacent theme park . for funsies and to play into the whole "his motivations are like a bored kid he wants to do things because they're funny" . i want the wards 2 follow muse through one of his doors and end up in an abandoned carnival. do u see my vision here

>> SPEAKING OF MAL AGAIN. EHEHEEHEE LOVINGGGG the fact that you said nhw trickster makes you feel the same way that canon mal does. i ALSO want to explode him with hammers so so so badly. BUT. i don't want him to be toooooo similar to mal because we do also still have mal in this au i dont want there to be Two Of Him. so while the whole using puppets to get Ashe to trust him thing is suuuper creepy and slimy and manipulative I don't think thats tricksters normal forte ? his usual style is busting in somewhere and causing chaos, but he knows the subtlety is what WORKS with ashe (btw the whole "oh people are Nice, Actually and my dad is just weird and paranoid" thing is EXACTLY what i was going for thank u for having the same brain cells as me) and he wants ashe bad enough that he's willing to force himself through the patience and slowness of it. but it's REALLY hard for him he gets frustrated so easily . maybe he's a little too eager one time and it freaks ashe out a little bit and shatters a little bit of the trust he's building up and trickster throws a huge fucking tantrum about it because now it's gonna take him even LONGER and UGH why can't he just go and take him NOW . using the taylor in her lair comparison again but while she's sitting calmly in her chair drinking tea the whole time, trickster is pacing around and kicking his feet and just going absolutely like

(there's a piece of pd fanart that i can SEND YOU NOW ACTUALLY- hold on ill do that in a second- that is pretty much what I'm picturing here like. his ass is NOT sitting still!!!!!!)

>> ohhhhhhhh having so many thoughts abt mark. having soooooo many thoughts about mark. i am still hung up on the muse/tricksterisms (give it up for DAYYYYY FIVE *Mr Krabs bell ringing image*) but maybe perhaps at work today I will type up a nhw mark essay in my free time. it should be slow today knock on wood. god. the aftermath of Overlord is going to be such a huge fucking mess. still not over the fact of u CASUALLY saying mark breaks himself out of the fucking birdcage. thinking forever about that thing bizly said once about mark being one of the smartest people they've ever met. yeah.

>> DAKOTA TIIIIIIM E. YEA YEA YEA YEA YEA even though we are in worm world and everything sucks so bad all the time and they are all so extremely traumatized. we CANNOT lose the dakota cole spirit. we cannot lose that energy. I love him so much he is so nice to everyone and so. bouncing around like crazy. maybe a little bit more subdued than in canon but it's still THERE. also ashe has been so very sheltered his whole life and mark is desperate to keep him away from anything dangerous so i don't think ashe knows a Whole Lot about capes? like he has the general base level knowledge that everyone has, maybe a little more (un)healthy fear of things like the endbringers but I think he's pretty neutral on the whole cape thing. his dad hates them but ashe thinks they're kinda cool from a distance. so I don't think it's like he IMMEDIATELY figures out dakotas identity, he's a little more distracted by the fact that Oh My God I have real friends for the first time ever to notice anything past the surface level weirdness in their living situation and behavior. maybe this is normal for kids his age, what does he know!

>> I LOOVE BTW. I LOVE THEM FINDING OUT ABT HIS POWERS THROUGH SOMETHING STUPID. YES THAT IS SO PERFECT. dakota yelling "HEY ASHE, CATCH" and throwing something at him. ashe is unathletic as fuck and so very nervous and awkward he can't catch for shit. pillow flying at his face he throws his hands up to block it and oh wow wait it's floating in midair! huh! weird! cue dakota FREAKING OUT "oh my god you have POWERS" do u remember that bit with Doug where dakota kept being so weird and asking him if he was a superhero. I think william and virion are very On Edge about this situation at first. they like ashe, yeah, but now he's a cape? who the hell is he we've never seen anyone around here with telekinesis. is he a villain in disguise trying to get to us? does he know our identity? oh fuck. but then they have a Talk and it's Fine

>> extremelyyyyyy weak over the post-leviathan scene. mark winters please give your son a hug im going to fucking kill you. side note of course tide is there. and he's got his own issues with His Boys recklessly putting themselves in danger and giving them their own earful about it but also I am not immune to the tidalwaveisms of him seeingggggg Exactly what marks motivations are. This is why he does what he does. etc. he's just a guy. tide is really normal about this and does not have a soft spot about it at all . turns away from the sight of mark kneeling on the ground with his arms around his son who is too slowly coming back to his senses and there's floating debris falling back to the ground around them and they're both bruised and bleeding and maybe theyre crying but this is a private moment for their family so tide grabs his boys by the arms (dakota and william, he knows virion understands enough to follow without too much of a fuss) and brings them away partially to give the winters their moment alone and partially to talk to his own pseudo-sons (huge bone crushing hug followed immediately by what the hell were you thinking?!) sorry I got kind of lost in the sauce about that. I think about the leviathan thing a lot. what was I talking about before this?

I think that's all for now actually. mark winters essay maybe incoming later I have to live up to my reputation of being perpetually unwell and insane over him. love and peace on planet earth prime. prime worm. whatever we're calling this version . 🤞🤞🤞

YEAYEAYEAG I FORGOR. TRICKSTER TIMELINE. SITTING DOWN WITH MY PENCIL AND NOTES!!!!!!

OKAY. OKAY. OKAY. this is all a bunch of half-formed-while-at-work ideas so if they dont make sense im blaming it on that.

first. backrground worldbuilding context. u know how nilbog is like . they keep him sort of quarantined because they let him take over a town and be a little king of his own territory there (at least i think this is what happened. to my understanding) . im thinking maybe pre-nhw times trickster was in a similar situation. hes this horribly powerful terrifying master but his big weakness is that hes motivated by chaos, motivated by finding things funny or entertaining. he doesnt want to take over the world in the same way a villain like coil does, he wants to take over things because theyre fun, because theyre interesting, because he thrives in destruction and chaos . if they just like... let him take over a town, let him have his little army of puppets to play with, he stays somewhat contained on his own unless any other cape pokes their nose where they shouldnt. i assume the prt would monitor him from a safe distance just in case, but he falls sort of low on the priority list when theyve got other issues to distract them. and this works for a while.... until he gets bored. hes caused all the damage he possibly can in his little chaos zone, taken over the last of the remaining civilians... theres no challenge for him anymore.

but HEY. news from one of the closest big cities... theres a new cape thats joined the wards team, and his powers look. so fun. imagine the possibilities for silly fun distruction with powers like that. so hes got a new challenge. He Wants That Toy. i think he approaches ashe using one of his puppets first. hes not stupid, he knows the prt is watching him, he knows if he leaves his city theyll be on him in an instant, so he sends like... unassuming regular normal people. theres nothing special about them they arent even capes. but theyve all got these glowing orange eyes. and it starts small- ashe accidentally bumping into someone on the street, and they smile at him as they help him pick up his bag. a cashier giving him a complement on his outfit. after a particularly rough fight with his dad, ashe leaves home to go to the wards house. its pouring down rain, maybe hes crying as he walks. a friendly stranger offers him their umbrella. asks him whats wrong. ashe winters, clinically lonely teenager who has had extremely rare and paranoid contact wiht the outside world for 10 years. does not see anything wrong with these nice orange-eyed strangers. call it naivety, call it innocence, whatever. hes not stupid though. every time one of these people talk to him, they have the same smile. the same inflection in their voices. one time he asks them who they are, why they keep being so nice to him. i think this takes the trickster by such surprise that. camera cut to him in his lair taylor style and he just. sits up straight eyes wide, huge grin on his face. yeah this is the one.

he drops the illusion of being different people and leans into it. he calls himself something insidiously innocent sounding. "just someone who wants to help" "are you familiar with the concept of a guardian angel?" << EUGHHGHG THIS ONE MAKES ME SICK. ashe isnt stupid. he knows thats weird. but the idea of someone out there who doesnt know him, doesnt know the horrible things hes been through and done, just wanting to help him for no reason. its tempting!!!!! so he doesnt mention his secret friend to anyone, just... accepts the gifts as theyre given. this guy doesnt ever ask for anything in return, even! it all. comes to a head though with the overlord thing.

im gonna switch now to kind of talk about ashe timeline outside of trickster stuff. the wards are together maybe a year or two before they meet him. ashe is in his rebellious teen phase, hes frustrated, he wants to have a life to live, hes tired of being in his room, hes tired of his dad not telling him shit and leaving for days at a time, hes just so. lonely. so one time, when mark is on a long weekend "business trip", ashe sneaks out of the house. now. mark is a tinker, you bet your ass hes rigged their house to the teeth with motion sensors and cameras and shit . but ashe is smart. ashe also has powers. ashe has not used his powers in a Long Time, but hes so mad and hes already made up his mind, he wants to get OUT and hes doing it TONIGHT. so he messes with marks equipment and leaves. goes for a walk. maybe goes to like. a gas station convenience store to buy a slushie wiht the crumpled 5 dollar bill he found in the pocket of the jacket he grabbed from the closet on his way out (its marks).

theres. some sort of trouble that he gets caught up in. something minor, maybe someone tries to rob the store while hes there or something. maybe its something silly like le frog. idk. but hey guess who is on patrol in the area to deal with it !!!!!!! its failsafe. and dakota has this bad habit of being Too Friendly with people. hey theres this kid my age who looks SUPER uncomfortable and hes hiding behind his long hair and this big jacket and he looks kind of miserable but he just has this ENERGY about him like . adrenaline. giddy excitement. something like that. and dakota is just drawn to him. at first its a "check on the civilians involved to make sure theyre okay" and then its a "wow youre a blue raspberry guy? i like cherry more but my friend really likes blue raspberry too, you kind of remind me of him, i think youd get along-" cole style! rambling! and ashe is just sitting there like. why are you. talking to me. (<< same inflection as why are you in my house bc i fucking love that those are his first words i miss you so much ashe winters) but internally hes like "whoa this is so cool this whole talking to people thing is so easy my first night out in 10 years and im already making friends with a fucking cape, okay-"

ANYWAY. whatever whatever dakota runs into him a few more times on patrol and because hes. him. hes always really excited like "HEY I KNOW YOU!" etc. idk! whatever! they become friends! he meets the rest of the wards when theyre out of costume, dakota seeks him out out of costume specifically because he wants to be friends but oh my god ive only ever talked to this guy as failsafe i need to talk to him as dakota. the boys become ashes first friends ever! and then he. excited that he has someone to talk to other than his dad for the first time in forever. he tells them or shows them or whatever that he has powers. and then he learns about them being wards. idk this in btween state is still fuzzy to me. he helps them out sometimes acting as a rogue. idk how or why he officially joins the team but he does somehow. eventually. mark is EXTREMELY displeased wiht this, but its at a point where... turning down the offer would almost be more suspicious. whatever. help me out here i havent throught about this part as much.

ANYWAY. SOMETIME AFTER ASHE IS OFFICIALLY ON THE TEAM. the leviathan attack happens. i feel so very strongly about the leviathan attack being the equivalent event to the Meatball Planet only like. so much worse. leviathan is showing up in some random coastal city called. idk. maybe brockton bay. for funsies. and all the capes in new haven are called on for the battle. (tide especially. but this aint about him rn). mark winters is the kinda guy who would hear that and go "no fucking way i want no part of that my first and only priority is protecting myself and my son i dont give a shit about another city or other capes" but. he has to go. because overlord wants him to go. for whatever reason. and mark, knowing about ashes whole thing with the wards now, puts him on total lockdown. dont even fucking THINK about going anywhere near this. i dont care if your team gets summoned, you. stay. here. etc etc etc. the wards, ironically, do not actually get summoned! they are really powerful, yeah, but the prime force is already goign to be there and the prt cannot risk their backup prime force also getting taken out because they dont have a third option to turn to right now. the boys Do No Like This because! tide is going. they want to go with tide. they plan to sneak away and follow anyway. ashe tells them mark put him on lockdown he cant go with him. they break him out and the 4 of them get to town in the MIDDLE of the fight. shit is baaad. they kind of regret it almost immediately. but theyre here now they have to fight. i actually think it would be cool if. like with the meatball planet thing. having the nhw there is a huge advantage and they start winning. but. i think this is the first time they see ashe's breaker state. maybe its because one of the wards gets hurt, maybe he sees his dad going up against leviathan alone at one point, idk. something in that vein. i think breaker state ashe is actually the catalyst they need to start winning against leviathan, the thing that distracts him enough right in time for scion to get there and do his thing or whatever. the battle is over, they have a REALLY hard time getting ashe out of his breaker state. (side note i think the only way ashe can really come down from breaker state is by having whatever threat set him off completely removed from the situation. however bc he doesnt recognize good from bad in this state, any sense of big power or sudden movement or whatever is enough to kind of reset that meter and it just gets harder to break him out the longer they make moves toward him.) personally, because im biased as fuck, i think it would be sooooooooooooo fucking good to have mark be the one to get him out of breaker state here. the wards have never seen this side of his powers, they dont understand why trying to help him only makes him worse, the battle is over shouldnt he be okay now? but mark has seen this before. mark knows, if only instinctually, what worked before. maybe itll work again. and hes fucking pissed, hes pissed that ashe is here, that he disobeyed him, that he put himself in the worst fucking danger possible, that this is all the wards fault etc etc. but he HAS to push that anger to the side for a second to get ashe to come back to his right state of mind. they can have a screaming match about it later when reality is not actively bending and breaking around them. i also think this would be good for the wards to see that mark isnt... totally a horrible person. they only really know him from ashe, theyre super biased against him they hate his guts from the things theyve heard, but here. they just. get to see how much he loves ashe and even though his actions fucking suck and ashe has been miserable as a result... hes not an evil guy. hes just the universes most hated man.

ANYWAY. BACK TO THE ORIGINAL POINT OF THE POST. reports from the leviathan fight and the new member of the wards whose powers turned the tide (ha) of the battle. this is how the trickster learns about him. so ALL THAT STUFF i talked about before happens . and then mark goes missing. ashe doesnt. realize it at first maybe. hes used to his dad being gone for days at a time, but hes never stayed away for longer than a week. day 3 passes with not even an update from mark and he starts to get a little anxious, day 5 passes and still nothing, day 8 hes. freaking out. the wards are maybe a little crass about it "that guy sucks you can just stay with us" btu then they see ashe is like. genuinely distressed about it and they say theyll help him look for him.

mark. maybe disobeyed overlord in some way. idk. he did something stupid that made overlord mad enough to punish him. the wards track down the guy mark is working for (i imagine their knowledge about What He Does in this au is a lot more limited than in canon. they know hes wavelength, they know wavelength workds for someone, but they dont know who that someone is). they track down overlord and bust into his base and its. idk. similar ish scene to canon. ashe sees his dad in whatever the equivalent is of the tube he was in in pd. hes unconscious, but they cant tell whether hes alive or not. this sets ashe off almost IMMEDATELY into breaker state. and overlords base is not . the largest thing in the world. maybe its like. warehouse sized. but its still an enclosed space. shit gets dangerous FAST. ashe ends up killing overlord and its pretty gruesome and horrible. when he gets out of breaker state and fully processes what he did, he just. runs. he doesnt know what else to do. hes scared hes upset he still doenst know if his dad is alive (did he just lose the only family he has left? was this the thing mark was hiding them from for so long? mark dead, ashe a murderer, is that what simurgh wanted?) . he thinks the wards will hate him for what he did so instead of fighting them he runs! and who. is conveniently waiting for him. a kind stranger with glowing orange eyes. who hugs him, tells him everything will be okay, wipes his tears away. how can i help? do you need somewhere to stay for a while?

ashe is gone for a handful of weeks before the note appears on the wards' door.

IDK. THIS IS ALL SO LIKE. VIVID TO ME BUT AS ALWAYS IF U HAVE OTHER IDEAS I AM SOOOO OPEN TO THEM. i have a lot more thoughts about the trust that trickster tries to build with him through his puppets but this post is so fucking long already that might just have to be a full separate thing . god. im so FUCKING unwell. nhw disease instead of brain there is nhw. ashe im so sorry we put you in the blender i promise i love oyu and want you to be happy. what are your thoughts i need 2 know. oauguhg. dying 2 talk about this. as if i didnt just write out like a thousand words talking about it.