#I'm built different and can handle having to have things perfect

[sabbathbloodysabbeth]

Pretend just for a second that's me bursting through the walls from pure excitement.

Honestly, so many people are putting in so many great points on this post that I can’t respond to each individually. (I wish I could) If you are a writer that has a lot of anxiety I definitely recommend going through the responses of this post! It might help!

I believe that everyone here has great points and honestly, it's helping me a lot. Though I do kind of want to brush up on an area that I know I've been suffering with as a writer and someone who is disabled. Which is partially why I'm making this post now. (I'm in a constant battle with OCD and my ass is normally being handed to me)

Though there is definitely no "Perfect" word length, I know some (such as myself) have problems with fitting in or working without the cursed idea of having the perfect word count. For me, I find myself unable to post a chapter unless it's over 10k words because in my head that is the perfect length. This thought is false but also true at the same time. Apart of me knows that whatever length the chapter is, is perfect. But the other part (let's call it the word goblin) wants to meet a specific goal that is sometimes unachievable.

I'm chronically ill and this bastard (the goblin) wants me to sit down and write a 10k chapter in one sitting and when I don't, he (they/she/it/gob gob? I'm not on a first name or pronoun basis with this thing) begins to jump around in my skull like that DVD logo that never reaches the corner of the tv.

And that's something I'm struggling with right now. I used to be able to write a chapter (over 10k words) and feel proud of it within two days. Now I can barely make it to 4k words in a week but strangely I find that I'm still just as proud, if not more, of the things I'm writing. Even though sometimes I would love for Gregory House to just appear in front of me and bonk me on the head with his silly flamed cane and cure every little problem I have in my head. (Technically Foreman, the neurologist, would be the one who would have to help me but that's beside the point.) I know that without my silly little demon (Tourette's) and his little minions (other disabilities) that I probably would be stuck in the never-ending cycle of burning myself out.

As I write this, I realize that I've kind of lost the point I was making. What I was trying to say before my thoughts went wild was that if you are someone who can't escape the concept of "perfect" or need it to function (because lets be honest, some of us really need to be told what to do, me and decisions are constantly in a boxing ring dodging each other) just know that if you can't meet those standards its ok. It probably doesn't feel ok in the moment but that feeling won't last forever. You'll get back up whether you do it by yourself or someone manhandles you to your feet and smacks some sense back into you. (Or hugs you, what that someone does depends on the person you are. I'm a stubborn and spiteful little bitch so I need to get "smacked around" by someone to realize I don't have to do everything by myself.)

And as someone who needs to visually see that people really don't care that much about word lengths, I'm going to leave some screenshots below and I highly recommend any struggling writers who have OCD, chronic illnesses or are simply just a perfectionist to read them. And maybe it can help :)

Also sorry for the long post, I've been having these thoughts for days now and kind of wanted to release them into the world. But quick conclusion, THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS PERFECT WHEN IT COMES TO WORD COUNT OR IN WRITING. WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT. WRITE PORN, WRITE FLUFF, WRITE LITERALLY ANYTHING, THE WORLD IS YOURS BABY (the word baby is not being targeted at you as a person or as a reader but is just a word that sounded like it would fit and I felt that it belonged there you know?)

I'm currently writing and trying to figure out what could be a possible middle ground for chapter lengths and just want some general feedback on what the (heavy on quotation) "perfect" length is. But I kind of want to hear why some of these lengths are better than others, or if you're someone who doesn't pay attention to length but the quality what are some things that normally keep you interested in longer chapters (or even shorter chapters) I have my own opinions as a reader but as a writer I'm very interested in what the 'general' opinion is. (I don't think I'll personally cater to the majority, but I really enjoy conversations that revolve around topics like this and its been a while since Ive had a deep conversation with other readers/writers and wanted to start one if anyone wants to discuss :)

[seospicybin]

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART I

Lee Know x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle Masterlist

Synopsis: You and Lee Know become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (10,8k words)

Author's note: Hope you like this one too. Feel free to send feedback! x

Content warning: This is entirely a work of fiction and not affiliated with real Too Hot To Handle show.

YOU: I'm always on the hunt. I'm always looking for the next exciting thing [giggles] I know I may sound conceited saying this but... I usually get what I want [bites lip] Well, I'm beautiful, I'm fun, I have a great body... they can't say no to me [winks] get ready 'cause I'm coming in hot!

-

Having all these eyes on you the moment you walk in is nothing less than your expectations.

You used to get stared at by people, it's something that you've been dealing with after you went through puberty. For one, you don't have either the big boobs or the ass, your body is... average. But people still stare at you like you have all of that on you.

That's when you learn that sex appeal doesn't have anything to do with your appearance.

You can engage in a boring conversation with someone and they'd still find you sexy. Sex appeal is a gift, a very lethal gift.

"Hi, everyone!" You sweetly greet them with an elegant wave of hand.

"Girl, you're really cute!" One of the females says.

You smile even though you prefer to be called anything but cute, coming from her makes it sounds like you're small and not a threat to them.

However, a compliment is a compliment and maybe she meant it in a good way.

"You too," you return the compliment with a quick cheek-to-cheek kiss.

Skipping the females, you go straight to introduce yourself to the male guests, "Hi, hello!"

There are three of them, blonde, brunette, dark-haired, chocolate, vanilla, and caramel. They got everything in here and you can't decide which one you want to taste first.

"Jai!" The dark-haired says. The tattoos covering his left sleeve catch your attention.

You know that accent everywhere, "Australian. I like it," you say with a flirty smile.

You turn to the next one, "And you are?"

"Luca," he answers with a rather different accent.

It's hard to tell but he's tall with a very well-built body, it's safe to say he's an athlete.

"Do you play sports?"

"I'm a professional footballer," he answers.

"Soccer?" You ask for confirmation because football means a different sport in a few countries.

He nods, "Do you like it?"

"Well, I like what I'm seeing," you shamelessly reply.

It amuses him so much that he laughs, "I mean, soccer," he corrects himself.

"Only when you're playing," you answer without a beat.

You move on to the blonde one that has the biggest body out of the three. It's hard to miss those abs even with his oiled body reflecting the sun at you.

"Bryan," he introduces and doesn't hesitate to kiss your cheek.

"You're so big," you say in awe.

"The bigger the better?"

You grab a glass and let him pour you one, "Well, cheers to that!"

-

YOU: Oh... [fans your neck] They're all so hot. Not sure I can survive in this heat.

-

It's better to consider the other female guests as your friends rather than competitors.

They're all attractive and have their own charms, it's not like you're here to compare looks. You're here to have fun in a show called Pleasure Island.

From the name of it, you can imagine all the fun you can have and hopefully, get some action in the process.

The next male guest who enters the villa is a bit shorter than the previous ones, he has long curly hair and a great body.

He comes in your direction and introduces himself to you first before anyone else.

"I'm Jack!" He says with a smile that showcases his perfect white teeth.

"Hi, you have a nice smile!" You say.

"I love your smile," he flirts back with a subtle wink.

He leaves quite an impression on you, he has wild youthful charms.

-

YOU: Jack is cute. He'll make a cute boy toy. If you know what I mean.

-

It comes down to the last guest.

Your eyes are already busy silently checking them out while sipping your fruity cocktail but how can you say no to another body you can ogle on?

This guy sure has a lot of confidence in him. Wide strides, a sly smile, and a face that would make Michelangelo rise from his grave just to immortalize it into a sculpture.

Sadly, he only introduces himself briefly to everyone from the other end of the group of people lining up to face the camera.

"I'm Minho," he shortly announces his name with an enigmatic smile that would make Monalisa run for her money.

There's something about him, something you can't put your finger on. He got the body, and the face, he even got that improved, sexier version of The Kubrick stare.

You quietly watch him as he speaks to a girl with rosy cheeks, ginger hair, and a Scottish accent, you believe her name is Maisie.

Something about him makes you can't look away. A part of it must be because he's pleasing to the eyes and the other part is... You are simply attracted to him.

It feels as if he knows he trapped you in his magnetic field, he catches you looking.

Instead of looking away, you stare deeply into his eyes and sending him signals that you're indeed attracted that you can't stop looking.

Before it turns into an intense staring contest, you slyly smile and raise your glass at him for a toast.

He slightly raises his glass as well and sips it without breaking his eye contact with you.

That means signals received so let's see if he gets them right.

-

YOU: Minho is dangerous but who likes to play safe anyway? Definitely, not me [smirks]

-

"I like Jai. He's hot..." says the beautiful girl with strawberry blond hair, Agnes.

It's obvious that she'll be the main character of this show. She's hot, very likable, and has a perfect smile that would get her teeth-whitening ads.

"What about you?" She asks the tallest girl with legs for days, Zara.

Her dark skin glows under the sun and her curly hair flows down her back, radiating that goddess beauty.

"I like Bryan. I like big boy," she answers.

"And apparently, you like vanilla too, huh?" you playfully add.

Everyone cracks a laugh at your witty response and accidentally takes your turn to answer, "I like Jack, he's cute. I like cute boys."

-

YOU: Jack is the safest choice for now. I have my eyes on Minho too but I want to check the competition first.

-

"Yeah, he is, I think he's the youngest of them all," the one with midnight hair and light brown eyes, Alia.

Maisie nods in agreement, "But I got my eyes on Minho," she says.

The first competition appears and you keep your face straight, playing dumb.

"Oh, good choice!" You calmly respond.

"Did you see his face? He's so beautiful, like a Greek God!" Maisie says with a dramatic sigh.

"And his body, ooh..." Alia adds, overwhelmed by just the thought of Minho.

"Oh, you like him too?" Maisie asks, faking her surprised tone.

"Yeah, I'm going for him, he's so my type," Alia daringly says.

Forget what you said about them as your friends!

Maisie and Alia are your competitors now but you're not going to declare a war just yet. For now, you want to gather as much intel as possible to assess the probability of winning against them.

-

YOU: Minho is quite the ladies' favorite I see.

-

You're the last person to come into the bedroom and everyone seems to have chosen their territory.

There are five beds anyway, you're not afraid of not getting one and you're alright sleeping with anyone.

Maisie can have her victory when you see her getting onto Minho's bed.

You sit on the sofa looking away and when everyone else is busy chatting with each other, you look at Minho's direction laying down with hands tucked under his head.

Once your eyes make contact and lock in a gaze, you keep staring into his eyes with your thumb tugged between your teeth.

When you deem he gets the message as he flashes you his signature half-smirk, you look away and shift your attention to someone else.

"What's good, Jack?" You ask him who's looking lonely on his bed.

"You," he answers.

"I think I'm more than just good," you tell him with a flirtatious laugh.

"There's only one way to prove it," his eyes that keep looking at anywhere but your face tells it all.

-

YOU: Jack is just so... feisty? He's so young, so eager. He's like a rabbit, ready to have sex 24/7. A jackrabbit.

-

The theme for tonight's party is Greek Gods and Goddesses.

The males are wearing togas while the females are wearing white and gold dresses with less fabric and high slits on them. You put on a dress with a plunging neckline and a golden headpiece on the crown of your hair. Not forgetting to put layers of lipstick on because nothing arouses men more than seeing red-painted lips.

The male cheers when all the females are descending the stairs to the beach where the party is held. There's a bonfire, glasses of cocktails ready for everyone to grab, and platters of food arranged so beautifully to snack on.

To get it started, music is blasting through speakers so everyone can warm up with a dance, gyrating and humping against each other and whatnot.

You notice Jai and Agnes already got things going on as you caught them kissing in between changes of songs.

While Jack is hopelessly trying to get something out of you for a while.

At one point, you let him rest his hands on your hips as he stands behind you, dancing and rubbing yourself against him as a little treat for him.

-

YOU: Everyone is looking so hot, so divine... the sexual tension is rising and the night hasn't even started yet.

-

The music abruptly stops playing and everyone is told to sit down while Jack is taking center stage, announcing a game everyone is going to play.

"Nectar is the drink of the Olympian gods but unlike them, we have a new way to drink it!" He begins by sharing a little knowledge of the Greek mythology.

You have zero idea what it's got to do with a game everyone is about to play.

"Everyone is going to stand here and let the other Gods or Goddesses drink the nectar from their bodies," he explains, pointing to a bowl of honey on the table.

A few of them coo in excitement and probably start thinking about what they're going to do with it.

"Nothing is off-limits! It's whatever, wherever, whoever you want to do," he playfully remarks.

Bryan is the first one to take his turn and he stands there with his big body, looking like a true Greek God in his toga and crown.

You see that Zara wastes no time to take her chance, taking a spoonful of honey and letting it dribble down his abs. She drops to her knees to lick the honey clean on his glorious abs.

"Whoo!" You howl and applaud her because she sets the standards so high already.

She doesn't miss the chance to kiss him after, getting his big boy just like she planned. Now that's hot!

It gets crazier with each turn and you want to have fun as well, ultimately, you want to show everyone how to get it done.

It's Agnes's turn. You don't usually have a thing for blonde but she's pretty and she'll make a great conquest.

Before Jai can have his chance, you dash toward her and brush her lips with honey right with your finger. She has soft lips and you're so eager to taste it.

You lean in and passionately kiss her, showing off your skill in kissing and giving everyone a little show. Just as expected, kissing her only convinces you that girls are better kissers.

"Oh, damn!" You faintly hear one of the males exclaim.

Agnes gasps as she lets go of the kiss and suddenly, Jai takes over from you, afraid that you'll take her from him.

-

YOU: It's a party. I want to have a lot of fun and kiss everyone.

-

You return to your seat with a triumphant smile on your face, on the way, you shot a glance at Minho to dare him.

However, both Maisie and Alia didn't get any from him. You start to wonder if he's going to kiss someone at all or not. When it's Minho's turn though, Maisie is excitedly put honey on his neck and licks it off for him, finishing it with a kiss on his lips.

Alia takes her turn after, kissing him right on the lips and well, you must admit that he's a good kisser. He's lacking in hand placement.

Sure, you would love to get up there and show him what a good kisser you are.

-

YOU: It's still day one. There'll be lots of opportunities to kiss him and if not, I'll make the opportunity myself.

-

When it comes to your turn, you expect nothing from Jack but he's waiting for it, rubbing his hands together, impatient to execute his plan on you.

"Come, get your honey," you playfully say.

Jack picks up the whole bowl of honey and pours it down your cleavage. You're gasping the second the sticky liquid lands on your skin and trickles down the valley between your breasts.

Putting the bowl down, Jack dives right in and buries his face between your breasts, he's smearing the honey all over instead of licking it off of you.

You admire his creativity for this even though you know it's coming from the pit of his lewd, juvenile brain.

"Oh, yeah!" He lets a celebratory roar but it soon dies down as someone else comes toward you in his confident, wide strides.

Your stomach is fluttering as Minho stands right in front of you, looking like Adonis with his sharp nose and chiseled jaws, got you holding your breath and wondering what he's about to do to you.

Minho is unpredictable which is exactly what you're looking for in a man.

You see he dips his two fingers into the honey and brings them close to your lips, smearing it all over. Your lungs are shrinking the longer you hold your breath yet you can't seem to breathe when he's leaning so close and about to...

Minho doesn't kiss you. Instead of that, he licks your lips and you can feel his hot tongue on your lips. One lick is all it takes to make your heart skip a beat.

When you think he's done, Minho tugs your lower lip between his teeth and gently bites it, pulling at it before letting it go.

As he takes a step back, Minho shoves his fingers to his mouth, a half smirk that signified he just evened the score with you.

-

YOU: Minho got the signals after all [slyly smiles]

-

When the host of the show enters you finally snap yourself out of it.

"Wild night, huh?" He asks everyone.

"Yeah!" Bryan answers the loudest.

"It gets wilder because I have a surprise for you guys!" The host announces.

That gets everyone excited, guessing what kind of surprise they'll bring on the first night of the show. They expect so much because everything has been great already. More girls? More boys? A celebrity guest? A DJ?

"Are you guys ready?"

Everyone is hyped, shooting up from their seats and jumping in excitement like kids on Christmas morning.

"Bring it in!"

The attention shifts to the two staff carrying a big wooden box and placing it in the center. The anticipation is rising and everyone can't wait to see what's inside.

"Five! Four! Three! Two..."

Everyone counting down the second and when it finally gets to one, the side of the box opens, revealing a cone-shaped thing inside, lighting up in purple colors.

Then you hear the infamous ding sound that you know for sure it's coming from Lana, the ultimate cockblocker.

Your excitement fizzles out in a second and drop your head on your hands, "Oh, fuck!"

Maisie squeals while Agnes shrieks in horror and the rest are wondering what is that thing, oblivious to the fact that they're about to be forced into celibacy.

"Is that an air freshener?" Jai asks in pure confusion.

"That's Lana!" You say.

"What?" He cringes and is still confused.

"She's going to cockblock us!" You concisely tell him what's about to happen to all of you.

"We're on Too Hot To Handle!" Zara breaks the news for everyone and makes it real for you that you're trapped in this show.

"Hello, I'm Lana, your personal digital assistant!" The cone starts speaking.

"Welcome to the retreat!"

-

YOU: What. The actual. Fuck?

-

"The purpose of this retreat is to help you gain deeper and more emotional connections."

Alia whines and then sighs, "I signed up for dicks," she lowly mutters.

You lowly laugh at her words, not realizing that you're also laughing at your pain.

"For the last 12 hours, I have been watching you and learning about your behavior. You have been selected as all of you are having meaningless flings over genuine relationships."

The more Lana speaks the more you feel like fainting. Can't believe that she threw a party, and got everyone all hot and bothered, delivering shocking news in the middle of it to let everyone know that they can't have a release at the end of it.

"As part of your social development, I have allocated a prize of $200,000."

-

YOU: That much money makes me horny, to be honest.

-

"How about I give you $200,000 for you to go away, Lana?" Luca jokingly offers but it falls short since Lana has no ears.

Even if she had one, she wouldn't listen to him anyway, Lana is her own boss.

"However, I will deduct money from the prize fund if there are breaches of the rules."

Looking at them and how wild the things they've done this night alone, you can tell that there'll be not much money left at the end.

"For those of you who need reminding, there is to be no kissing...."

"Fuck!" Zara bluntly curses.

"No heavy petting, no sex..."

"Oh, my God!" Agnes panicking, looking like she's about to hyperventilating.

"And no self-gratification."

Jack's eyebrow raises in question, "What's that mean?"

"No masturbating," you tell him with a sad smile.

He looks devastated as if you've just told him a relative has died, "for real?"

You stifle a nod.

"Welcome to your long, hard, sexless summer," Lana finishes.

-

YOU: Boys make me horny. Money makes me horny. I'm fucked.

-

Everyone in the dressing room is groaning and complaining about the turn of Pleasure Island into No Pleasure Island with Lana ending the party for everyone.

You don't want to be dragged down into the misery pit and decide to finish your night routine quickly, wanting to end the day already.

Minho's bed is right next to the door and he's laying there as if he's been waiting for you.

"You'll sleep on this bed," he says, stopping you from walking.

You tip your head to the side, then let out a low chuckle, "How are you so sure?"

He leans back on his pillow and puts his hands under his head, "because I'm sleeping here," he answers.

Minho is so cocky, so pretty, a menacing force in this retreat and you're intrigued to see what it feels like to sleep with the devil's advocate.

You crawl onto the bed and lay next to him, not showing any signs that you'll fall into his temptations, at least, not tonight.

-

YOU: Well, as expected, the best girl won!

-

The next thing you anticipate is how Maisie or Alia is going to react to seeing you in one bed with Minho.

Minho has his hand resting on your stomach like he's trying to hold you down, not letting you go anywhere even though you're under the cover with him, chatting with Agnes who's occupying the next bed with Jai.

Maisie is the first one to see that her number one guy is on the bed with someone else, she glances away and is left with no choice but to sleep with Jack tonight.

You don't have to look to know that she's throwing daggers at you with her eyes from across the room.

And Alia looks calm about it, she's going to sleep with Luca anyway. Perhaps, she's switching onto his lane tonight.

"No one breaks the rules tonight!" Bryan remarks.

There's always that one guy who's going to protect the money but it's a surprise that it's going to be Bryan.

"Be good!" He warns once again as he looks around the room.

Something about being reminded not to do something though only encourages all of these horn dogs to do it.

You turn your head to see Minho and can't tell what he'd likely do. With most men, you can easily tell everything about them but Minho... he is uncharted territory but it's a good thing that you're eager to explore.

-

YOU: Minho is so perfect and I feel the need to violate it.

-

You're usually jealous to see anyone prettier than you but not with Minho.

Instead of being jealous, you want to admire him, and worship him like a divine being he is. You hesitate to touch him because it doesn't feel real to exist in the same space and time with him.

It's getting dangerous now that the lights are out and anything can happen in the dark.

He turns to lie on his side and face you, with the dim light coming from the sleep lamps you can see his eyes are open and looking at you.

You reach for his hair and put the strand away from curtaining his forehead, "Are you going to be good tonight?" You keep your voice low as everyone else is going to sleep.

His hand finds your waist under the cover and then he answers, "I don't know."

He then slides his hand to the arch of your back and using all of his strength, he pulls you close until your body is against him.

Brushing your hair to the side, he then brings his mouth close to your ear and whispers, "We'll see."

His vague answers only make you feel uneasy but your chest is overflowing with excitement that you can't sleep, even when you're sleeping, you feel alerted with every movement of his body against you.

In the middle of the night, he disrupts your sleep with a gentle kiss on your neck. He then slides down the strap of your tank top so he can place kisses along your collarbone.

The quiet in the room is filled with the rustles coming from this bed as Minho hovers above you, he takes both of your hands and pins them above your head.

You believe he specifically chooses this time to see if you can keep it quiet as he places kisses down your neck and chest. Each kiss leaves a searing mark on your skin with a few low moans slipping past your mouth.

You don't even try to break away from the hand pinning your hands by the wrists but can't stay still as he's teasing you more by kissing you all over your face, except your lips.

He teased you earlier by only licking your lips and by doing this, he wants to see how far can you go and see if he can make you push the limit.

Minho is a fucking sadist but what can you do when you get pleasure in pain?

He lands his lips so close to your lips that you reflexively open your mouth, ready to return his kiss but he retracts himself, you can see how pathetic you are from the way he's looking down at you.

"Are you going to be good tonight?" He asks you back, then loosening the hold around your hands.

Minho is turning the table back, leaving the decision whether to rule break or not to you.

In that case, he was wrong to think you'd be afraid to be the first to rule break.

-

YOU: Well, I mean... [bites lips] I've never been a good girl anyway.

-

That half-smirk of his is mocking you but he looks so damn attractive whenever he does that.

You hate losing but for this one time, you're going to like it.

"You fucking tease," you mutter to him, putting your hand on the nape of his neck and bringing his head close.

The bad wins tonight and you can feel the burn as both of your lips touch and clash in a blazing kiss that sets your body on fire.

You wrap your legs around his waist and draw him closer, leaving not even an inch between your bodies, your breasts squashed between your chests.

You kiss him hard and deep, making the most of it knowing that it will cost you money. Your hands are tugging at his soft locks.

His tongue skillfully parts your lips open and invades your mouth, deepening the kiss to get as much taste as he can. He is one phenomenal kisser and even if you had to die of asphyxiation, you don't want to stop.

However, you still want to live to play this game with him and he seems to have the same plan by the way he slowly pulling away. You both gasp for air the second you let go of the kiss.

You land soft pecks on his cheek and neck, turning his head to the side, You whisper "I let you win tonight," then playfully bite his ear.

-

YOU: And just like that, we're the first to break the rules in the retreat.

-

"Good morning!" Agnes cheerfully greets everyone the second the lights are on.

"Morning!" You mumble your reply, still feeling sleepy with how little you slept last night.

Bryan pinches the bridge of his nose and scans everyone to spot any guilty faces, he looks even bigger topless next to Zara who owns a model body.

"I really thought I was dreaming that I'm in Too Hot To Handle," Agnes innocently shares.

You softly laugh at that and indirectly, at the satire of your own life. You turn to look at Minho, looking so beautiful even when he's just woken up from sleep.

"How about you?" You put your leg over him under the cover, rubbing his shin with your toes.

"Did you dream a sweet dream?"

Minho slouches down on his pillow, looking like he's about to go back to sleep, "It was sweet but it wasn't a dream."

He casually says that like it wouldn't bring back the recollection of how the two of you kissed last night and you're not going to lie, it gets you wet just thinking about it.

-

YOU: Waking up next to him, the first thought that comes to mind is our kiss last night. Gosh... it was so fucking hot.

-

"Didn't you say you like Jack?" Zara asks the second both of you are out of everyone's earshot.

"But I didn't say I only like him," you playfully respond.

She giggles in amusement, "You're a trouble. I like it," she says.

Working out with her at the beach, earning you some tips and exercises you can to get her perfect body figure.

"You got some real competitions though," she says while doing a minute-long plank.

You're running out of breath but manage to answer her, "So?"

Zara chuckles again, "You're not afraid you're juggling two men and going against two girls at once?"

When she puts it like that it sounds like you're creating a problem for yourself. In this retreat, you can't just do whatever you want without getting the consequences considering that you're locked in with them for the next few weeks.

"Well... I like Minho more," you tell her and drop to the mat as one minute has passed.

"Yeah?" She asks for further details.

"But he makes me second guessing everything," you concisely explain.

You turn over and cover your eyes to shield them from the morning sun, "with Jack, it's easier. I don't have to think around him."

Zara turns to start doing side plank, "You're not looking for a good pet here!" She playfully scolds you.

You laugh and follow her lead to do the same, "Unless Minho likes someone else then he's my number one right now."

Zara gently slaps your butt, almost sending you toppled to the front, "that's a good girl!"

-

YOU: It's only day two and the options are still open but I know what I want. I want Minho.

-

It's convenient that the dressing room is empty at this time with most of everyone already dressed and dolled up for the day.

"Did anything happen with big boy Bryan last night?" You slyly ask while she's putting her fake lashes on.

She lets out a long sigh in response and slaps her spatula on the table, "What do you expect from an accountant?"

It all makes sense now. Bryan is an accountant, he thinks about the money more than treating his girlfriend with a smooch.

You burst into laughter and stop applying mascara, "hate to say it to you but you chose the wrong guy to be in the show with."

She glares at you from her table then looks back in the mirror, "he chose to play the good cop so that leaves me no choice but to play the bad cop."

"Ooo..." you coo, impressed with her determination to make Bryan break the rule with her.

"If you need a smooch, just know that I will give it to you in a heartbeat," you tell her with a sly smile.

Luca walks in on you applying sunblock on each other's body and he refrains from getting to his locker.

"What did I walk into?" He confoundedly asks.

As Zara bends down against the table, you lather sunblock on her ample butt then slap at it, entertaining the sole spectator in the room.

Luca is too stunned to speak that he's just standing there with his locker door open, "Damn. Do that again!"

The sight that welcomes you as you walk out of the house is of Minho in the pool with the Maisie and you owe it to her to give her a chance, making it a play fair.

You turn the other way and decide to sunbathe on the lounger with Alia, chatting about some good skincare products since she's done some beauty ads.

After a while, you see Agnes and Jai walking back from the beach. From the way Jai is grinning from ear to ear, you can tell that they did something that cost some money.

"Hey, girls," she innocently greets you both and sits on the farthest lounger.

"Hey," you reply then exchange a look with Alia.

She seems to also get the same impression and straightforwardly asks Agnes about it, "Did you just spend some money?"

Knowing that she has a bad poker face, Agnes licks her lips and stifles a nod.

"Oh, no..." Alia sighs and picks up her water tumbler from the floor to take a sip.

You see Jai is joining Luca and Jack in the pool, it's only about time that everyone knows someone has broken a rule and the others will soon take their turn.

-

YOU: They just didn't know that they're not the first to break the rules, eh? [bites thumb]

-

Zara packed a lot of outfits with her and you get to borrow one.

"I'm going to look so hot Bryan can't say no to me," she remarks.

You must admire her confidence and it's indeed looking good on her, you should have some on you as well if you want to win this competition.

The night is cool with a warm breeze blowing from the sea, carrying the salty air ashore. It's so easy to locate Minho since he's the only one that always catches your eye.

He's wearing a white shirt with the three top buttons open, exposing his chest muscles, and sitting with his legs spreading open.

You feel like dropping to your knees between those muscular legs and... you push the thought away. You focus on the mission you have to do.

One of the things you like about Minho is that he doesn't waste time, he's straightforward and that's what you're about to do, going straight to business.

"Calling for me?" You poke fun even though he doesn't say anything but sipping his drink by himself.

The sofa can fit three people but Minho's thick thighs are looking so comfortable you can't help yourself to sit on them.

"Do I look good?" You take his hand and put it on your waist.

"Not bad," he answers.

He reclines on the sofa, head tilting upward looking at you and that way, you can admire his beautiful face from the top, inexplicably never getting tired of it.

There's no need for words when you can see everything in his eyes, the way he's intensely staring into your eyes with his thumb lazily rubbing the arch of your back.

The tension is there and it's electrifying, you feel alive when you're with him.

"I like your eyes..." you say as you put your hand on his jaw and your eyes drop to his lips.

Minho softly laughs because he knows you're looking nowhere near his eyes when you say it. He puts a finger under the thin strap of your dress and twirls it around his finger.

"I like yours too," he says back as he's undressing you with his eyes.

-

YOU: God! I want him and I'm going to get him.

-

Putting your hands around his neck, you draw him close and put a few inches of safe space between your faces.

Pfft, it's not like it's going to stop you from breaking the rules.

"Are you going to be good tonight?" You ask.

"I haven't decided yet," he shortly answers.

You lean into whisper into his ear, "If you're good then I'll give you something as good later."

Now Minho knows what you mean by being good. That he won't let anyone turn his head or get tempted to break the rules with someone else.

Knowing his nature, you doubt that it will not stop him but it's worth trying. He got a taste of it last night and there's a big possibility that he wants more of it.

You softly kiss his cheek and take his glass of drink from his hand, not hesitating to take a sip.

Let's see how the night goes.

-

YOU: I think it's going to be a good night.

-

Too much confidence isn't good either.

You feel a little bitter when you see Minho openly flirting with Alia just a few feet away from you. A moment after that, he talks to Maisie.

You scoff because he decides to turn it into his game and you know what?

You feel like making him sweat a little, especially with Jack sitting across from you and checking you out long enough that you can't ignore it anymore.

You lay on your side and decide to tease him a little, "Nice shirt!"

His mouth curls into a sly smile, "Nice body!" He shamelessly compliments you back.

Agnes comes into the scene and sits on the sofa, letting you rest your head on her lap.

"How about me?" She asks.

His smile grows wider, "You two are on the top of my list!"

"Really?" Agnes asks in curiosity as she drags the letter R.

He points at you and says, "I'm obsessed with you but I think you know that."

"Whoa!" You respond in awe, surprised by how daring and blunt he is.

-

YOU: I'm not going to lie but I like the attention Jack is giving me right now.

-

You make a space between you and Agnes, patting it as you tell him, "Come sit here!"

Agnes folds her legs on the sofa and also tells him to come, "We're not going to bite unless you want us to," she says.

Jack, like the puppy he is, hops onto the sofa and sits between you and Agnes.

You lean in close to his side and put one leg over his thigh, slipping your hand into his brown, curly hair.

"Not sure about some bites but Jack wants some kisses," he confidently demands like the two of you would easily give it to him.

Agnes looks at you and you look back at her, in a few seconds of eye contact you know that she wants to do it, she shares the same chaotic energy with you.

"Jack wants some kisses, huh?" You childishly talk to him.

Jack turns his head to look at you and puckers his lips.

"Only if you say please!" You tell him.

"Please..." he pleads by adorably dragging the word.

You grab his chin and lean in to kiss him which he eagerly returns with so much passion, trying to show you what he got.

Not wanting to give him too much, you pull away from the kiss and say, "Agnes is a better kisser," you jokingly say to bruise his little ego.

"Yeah?" He says with an eyebrow raised.

"Why don't you try yourself?" You dare him.

Jack turns to the other side and Agnes doesn't give him one second to prepare himself, showing him how to get it done. You take your drink and sip it while watching them kiss in front of you.

-

YOU: I kissed Jack not because I have a feeling for him. We're just having fun [shrugs]

-

It was an eventful night.

Even though you have no idea what Minho did the rest of the night, you don't want to think too much about it, especially after what you've done behind him.

Thankfully, Lana hasn't announced any rule breaks yet and you can sleep in peace for tonight.

You walk to the bedroom in heavy steps and hate that you're feeling scared that Minho suddenly decides to sleep with someone else after being busy flirting with everyone the whole night.

You never know with him and this time, there's no excitement, it's just anxiety. You push the door with your shoulder and find the bed is still empty, you reckon he's still washing up.

Jack flashes you a smile as you get under the cover and it's only making you more anxious. You get startled when the bed shifts as Minho climbs from the other side.

Since he's not that cuddly of a person, you take his arm out so you can rest your head on it and snuggle close to his side, letting out a quiet sigh of relief.

"How was your night, my beautiful man?" You ask, your hand gently rubbing down his clothed chest.

"Good," he replies, twirling his finger around the thin strap of your black tank top.

"I can make it better," you whisper, lowering your hand down until your fingers meet the waistband of his boxer.

He looks at you and one corner of his mouth raises into his signature half-smirk, "No one is stopping you."

Bryan catches the two of you being suspicious and points it out at everyone, "Hands where I can see them!" He orders.

Instead of complying, Minho shoves your other hand under the cover and keeps them there.

"Minho, man, come on!" Bryan hopelessly scolds him.

It's in the dark that Minho once again starts his exploration.

He pulls you by the waist until there's not an inch of gap left between your bodies, you perfectly mold into his body as he spoons you from behind.

As he presses his lips on the nape of your neck, his hand traces the side of your body, stopping on the back of your thigh to squeeze the soft flesh there.

"I've been good tonight," he whispers to you.

You softly chuckle, not expecting that he'll be asking for what you promised him.

Without turning, you softly slip your hand in his hair, "Really?"

He places a long peck on your jaw, "mmh."

You turn to lay on your stomach and prop a hand under your head, leisurely looking at his beautiful face in the dark.

The plan was you're going to tease him just like he did with you the other night but after what you did and the assurance you got from that misbehavior. You want to show him that you don't want to play a game tonight, or ever again.

Tenderly, you caress his face and hold his jaw as you lean in, kissing him so slowly yet passionately. Minho seems to sense that there's something different about the kiss.

He brushes your hair to the side and holds it there as he returns the kiss to you, his other hand is slipped under your tanktop, splayed on your back with his thumb faintly rubbing the skin.

If only breathing wasn't necessary, you would keep kissing him.

You pull away and press your head close to the side of his head, placing little kisses on his jaw.

"That's money well spent," you comment.

He turns his head to face you and it only entices you to kiss him again but immediately refrain out of the fear of being head-locked by Bryan's giant arms tomorrow.

You sweetly kiss his cheek and lowly mutter, "Goodnight!"

Minho glides his hand up to your neck and looks at you, "Goodnight!"

-

YOU: Honestly, I wasn't thinking of Minho when I kissed Jack but after it happened, it only got to me then that I really like him.

-

When you wake up, anxiety dawns on you.

You feel sick in the stomach when Lana chimes in and lights up in the corner of the room.

"Good morning, everyone!"

You silently plead that Lana would not drop the news this soon. Not when you just woke up from a nice, long sleep with Minho cuddling you all night.

"Morning," you meekly answer with a yawn at the end and accidentally meet Agnes's eyes on the next bed, exchanging a knowing, uneasy glance.

"Today's weather will be sunny with highs of 82⁰ Fahrenheit and there will be zero chance of sex."

Jai breaks into laughter and puts his arm around Agnes's shoulder, "She's fucking quality, she is."

The day barely started, you can already tell it's not going to be a good one. You're counting down the minutes or even seconds until Lana tells everyone all of your sins.

-

YOU: I'm a bit on edge. Not a bit actually. I'm on THE edge.

-

Even after a session of yoga with Alia, doesn't help you relax at all.

You've done this plenty of times before, going from one casual partner to another in the blink of an eye and never feeling the slightest bit guilty about it. You don't know what changed when you're playing the same game and the only difference is that you're doing it with Minho.

It's after you showered and are immersed in the girl's talk while doing your make-up you finally can have a little peace.

"Have you cracked big boy Bryan yet?" You ask Zara.

Zara carefully swipes the brush on her cheekbones to apply some highlighter, "Girl, as if!"

"That big body comes with a tough personality too," Agnes comments, squinting her eyes to draw a neat line of black eyeliner.

"When we cuddle in bed, he locked me with his arms to make sure I didn't do anything," Zara rants, borrowing your pencil liner without asking.

"You should be grateful that he didn't headlock you to sleep," Alia chimes in as she braids her hair in front of the mirror.

You and Agnes are breaking into laughter at the same time.

That's when Lana decides that it's time for judgment. The cone chimes, startling everyone in the dressing room.

"Hello, girls!" She says.

Zara fans her eyes as she just puts on her fake lashes, "What's up, Lana?"

"Please gather everyone to the cabana!" She orders.

You exchange a knowing and uneasy glance with Agnes as your heart is beating out of your chest. Every step you take to get to the cabana is getting heavier the closer you get there.

There's a space next to Minho on the sofa but sitting next to him will only make you more anxious. You sit in the middle between Luca and Maisie, it's safer to be out of Minho's sight.

"I wonder who kissed who?" Luca asks with a haunting tone.

-

YOU: Counting my own mistakes, I know for sure that I broke the rules three times [shakes head in disappointment]

-

Your concern is not the money.

You believe someone else broke a rule or two as well. For example, everyone knew about Jai and Agnes's kiss at the beach.

Also, you're not afraid to admit the ones you committed together with Minho, it's the other ones that you're not proud of.

The sickening sound of Lana coming online makes your heart drop to your stomach.

"Hello, everyone!"

You can't find it in you to reply to her and awkwardly smile in response while everyone else is weakly returning her greeting.

"You were brought here to form deeper emotional connections and were given rules to adhere to. Those rules forbid sexual contact."

Even though Lana is a high-tech virtual assistant, you can hear in her voice that she's not pleased with everyone.

"Despite this, yesterday, your flagrant disregard for the rules has resulted in a deduction of $21,000."

There is a mix of shrieks, gasps, and curses happening all at once. Well, at least, now you know you're not the only one spending the money.

"You guys are blowing it," Alia says in disappointment.

"In total, there were seven rule breaks," Lana shares further details.

-

YOU: I contributed three out of those seven rule breaks but who did the other four? [squints eyes]

-

"Time to fess up!" Bryan calls the shot.

Everyone is looking at each other and trying to see any guilty faces. After a while, Minho points at you and calmly says, "I kissed her twice."

Now, that's a man. Minho doesn't falter as he owns up to his misdeeds and even says that it was he who kissed you when in fact, you were the first one to cave in to the temptations.

Maybe it's because of how fast Minho comes clean about it or it could be because of how overwhelming for him to know that two rules have been broken, Bryan only sighs and then moves on to find where the rest of the money went, "how about the other five?"

You gulp air again and pass the turn to someone else. Jai has the worst poker face he can't keep himself from grinning, "We did too," he says while half laughing, "You guys knew we did it on the beach once and did it again last night."

Agnes is looking down on her lap as Jai admits everything and adds an apology at the end, "I'm sorry, you guys!"

Bryan closes his eyes and his eyelids flutter, "Okay then, anyone else?"

Luca who's sitting next to you suddenly raises his hand, "I kissed Maisie last night," he confesses.

That is not what you expect and you're aware that you're getting in between them by sitting there. You didn't know Maisie had given up on Minho already.

"Just once!" He quickly adds.

Maisie even backs him up right after, "We shared a moment and we wanted to see if there's chemistry."

That shocks everyone but Bryan seems to give him a pass for only breaking one rule. Not sure what he'll do when he finds out about the last two rule breaks.

Agnes has been avoiding everyone's eyes and you don't expect much from Jack, he's staying quiet because no one suspects anything because he's harmless and the youngest.

-

YOU: But I have to be honest, right?

-

"I kissed Jack," you blurt out.

There's a long pause then Zara snaps her head in your direction, "What?"

Luca laughs next to you, "Look at him, sitting there all quiet," he says and keeps laughing afterward

A grin blooms on Jack's face, maybe it's the grand scene that he's been pictured in his head that he's not what everyone thought he was.

"Well, it's obviously because I like her," he shortly explains.

He rubs his chin and continues speaking, "And I don't regret that one if I'm being honest."

You've been avoiding looking at Minho's direction but you get the urge to see his reaction, not sure what you're expecting but he looks strangely calm about this.

When he's about to look your way, you hurriedly look away though.

You turn to look at the other culprit who's smiling like an angel next to her guy and you can't go down on your own.

"Agnes!" You call and wait until she looks at you to say, "You kissed Jack too!'

"WHAT?" Zara gasps and then covers her mouth, her eyes widen in surprise.

"Why did you do that?" Bryan asks since she's sitting close to her.

Jai who's sitting next to her looks not pleased at all, leaning back with his hands balled into fists on his sides. You would love to see Minho get a little upset too but when you glance his way, he looks not bothered at all.

Now that the offenders have admitted their crimes, Lana can announce the damages done to the prize money.

"I must also inform you that with these multiple rule breaks that happened in the last 24 hours, I have been left with no choice but to double the fine as of this moment."

Bryan's face drops onto his big hands and brushes his head to the back, making his combed hair disheveled in a second.

"Which means $42,000 has been deducted from the prize fund."

There are moans and groans of complaints but there's nothing anyone can do except try to keep their hands to themselves from now on.

"No more spending!" Bryan remarks, crossing his muscular hands together to form the letter X.

Everyone else is nodding in agreement but with almost a quarter of the prize money lost in one day, you're not the only one feeling pessimistic that there would be money left at the end of the retreat.

-

YOU: That means I spent $18,000 in one night? Whoops.

-

What makes them think that doing bondage in a workshop would help to take your mind off sex?

You're not sure if that's what the workshop is going to be but you see the waxed ropes and that's the first thing you have in mind.

"Today, we're going to learn Shibari," the guest sex expert announces.

"An ancient Japanese technique used to improve intimacy and trust in relationships," she shares with everyone.

Minho and you have no problem with intimacy but with what you've done recently, it seems that Minho is likely to have a trust issue with you.

"It's a bit more risque but it really does teach people how to trust which is the foundation for any long-lasting relationship," the expert further explains.

"Have you guys ever played with bondage, handcuffs, or any type of restraints?" The expert asks.

A few raise their hands in pride and you see Minho as the experimental type, always open to everything. You don't see him raising his hand, he's too busy shielding his face from the sun.

You take the first turn and can't decide which one you want to do, you haven't done this. Picking up the smaller rope in red color, you decide to do the simplest one called the Hand Prayer tie.

Minho doesn't need to be told, he puts both hands together in front of him and lets you tie rope around it.

"It goes around the middle fingers," he instructed.

As expected, Minho knows how to do this. It's a piece of information that both excites and scares you but in the best way.

After a lot of errors, you are finally done and not impressed with how you didn't tie the rope tight enough that Minho has no problem taking it off without your help.

-

YOU: Oh, yep, just exactly what Minho needs right now: tie me up.

-

"Are you ready?" Minho asks as he takes the bigger rope in the color black.

Now that he's about to tie you, you suddenly get a little nervous too.

"No," you answer with a low laugh.

He starts by turning you around, making you stand with your back facing him, not allowing you to see which knot he's going to do with.

"Hands to the back," he orders with his head looming on your shoulder.

You comply right away, putting your hands to the back.

"Shibari is based on power play. When you're the person with the rope, the rigger, you're actually the one who is surrendering and trusting your partner," the expert says as she walks around watching everyone tying each other up.

That's what you're going to do, you're going to trust Minho and he'll be having too much fun with it but he'll do nothing to hurt you.

The second the rope brushes with your skin, you feel a chill down your spine and when Minho pulls them, tightening them around your wrists, you let out a low moan.

Once he's done with the hands, he tidies the ends of the rope before instructing you to lay on your stomach on the mat

You're getting even more nervous as he bends your legs to the back and ties them together.

"Too tight?" He asks.

You test the knot by twisting your ankles together but it doesn't budge at all, "mmh," you hum in answer.

"Good," he calmly responds.

If this is his way of getting back at you then you just have to accept it. You should be grateful that he doesn't tie the rope around your neck.

He then brings your hands and legs together, tying them with the rest of the rope. He pulls at it to make sure the knot is securely tied.

You try to wiggle your body and try any way you can to break away but it's a fruitless effort, you're running out of breath from lying on your stomach for too long.

Minho notices and helps you to turn over, but your hands are now pressed under your body as you lay on your back.

"I can't get out of this," you tell him as he stands, towering over your body.

"No, you can't," he says with a malicious grin.

Minho then lays next to you on the mat, scoots closer to shield you from the sun, and then props a hand under his head as he enjoys watching you helplessly lying next to him.

"You're enjoying this," you say.

That's a wrong thing to say because he hasn't started yet. He picks a flower from the plant near him and uses it to caress your body, dragging the soft petal down the front of your body.

He knows that it does things to you and he can see it from the way your chest is heaving as the flower reaches to your lower abdomen.

Your legs are slightly shaking as he drags it lower and then stops right on the elastic band of your bikini bottom, tugging the flower there.

-

YOU: I must say it's the best kind of punishment. I don't even think it's a punishment [winks]

-

"Why did you kiss him?"

You know that Zara has been waiting to ask you that from the moment she found out about it.

You dab your face with a layer of foundation to get ready for the night, "I don't know. I was having fun."

She gives you a scolding look and tips her head to the side, "Girl!"

"I know but at that time I was feeling like... You know, it was so easy to break the rules," you honestly answer because you did feel that way.

There was nothing intimate about the kiss with Jack, if anything it was selfish of you to spend money on a meaningless kiss. You can see now how foolish you were for doing that.

"But instead of upset, I am so jealous of you," she says with a sad sigh.

You get quiet because you know how hard it is for her to even try to tempt Bryan to break the rules with her.

"He didn't even let me cuddle him," she adds.

It's a good thing that Bryan wants to be on Lana's good side but he disregards Zara's opinions about it, putting her needs aside which makes him just as selfish as you are.

-

YOU: The plan is I'm going to look hot, be a good girl, and talk to Minho. Wish me luck [Crosses fingers]

-

Taking a glass of drink to fuel your courage, you check if Minho is in a good mood before coming and start talking to him.

"Can I sit with you?" You ask for his permission when you usually would plop down next to him without asking.

He glances up and nods, "Yeah."

Minho doesn't talk much and you should be used to his short, concise answers but it seems a little different tonight, there's an edge to it.

You sit next to him and put a space in between, "You look good tonight," you compliment.

Minho is indeed looking good tonight. That's why he model, because everything looks good on him but you bet that he looks better with nothing on.

He tips his head to one side and looks at the dress you're wearing, "You too," he compliments back with a thin smile.

A little attention is better than nothing. You sweetly smile and mutter, "Aw, thank you!"

Before you forget your initial reason because of just one compliment, you remind yourself that you come to talk.

"So... how are we feeling?" You ask, testing the water before diving right into it.

"About what?" He innocently asks.

You lick your lips before answering, "About the kiss."

"Which kiss?"

Your palms are getting sweaty on your lap. It's like whatever answer you're going to give him would be a wrong one.

"Our kisses or...?" He asks again because you stay quiet.

You take a breath and try to slowly explain everything, "I think the kisses we shared are special. I can see that we have chemistry and connection."

He tilts his head low enough to give you the stare, "If that's so then why did you kiss someone else?"

You keep your calm and answer, "That kiss with Jack, it was nothing. I don't have any feelings for him so you don't have to worry about that."

Minho responds with a nod but no words come out of his slightly parted mouth.

-

YOU: I usually just walk away from a situation like this and stop caring about it but I want to make this work with him.

-

"Are you mad at me?" You ask because that's what you're dying to know.

He's been too calm that you start to think that he probably doesn't like you to even care about it but he only replies with a shrug.

"I don't want you to be mad at me because I do like you," you tell him to get an answer out of him.

He stares at you and makes you wait in anticipation to get a response from him. After a while, he leans back on the sofa and says, "We'll see."

You usually like the mystery those words bring whenever Minho says that but not this time.

"'We'll see'? What is that supposed to mean?" You ask in pure confusion.

"I need time," he answers.

You scoff and try to process his answer, "You want me to sit around and wait for like what? A week? Ten days?"

He slumps down the sofa and spreads his legs, casually he says, "I need time to get over it so until then... We'll see."

-

YOU: I kissed Jack because I saw Minho flirting with the other girls so why am I the only one having to wait for him to come around?

-

"Okay," you meekly say even though you're not sure that he'll get over it before the retreat ends.

You think that this is possibly his way to keep his options open or maybe that your fear is true, he doesn't like you that much. You just like to play games with each other.

"Are we still going to sleep in the same bed?"

"I don't know," he replies.

This is probably the right time to cut everything off before you get too attached to him when the options are still wide open and who knows that Lana will bring more guests to the retreat, there are many possibilities so why do you have to trap yourself in such a confusing situation and wasting your time on one guy?

You look away and shrug, "Okay, alright."

-

YOU: If Minho doesn't want to give me what I want then I'll just have to get it from someone else.

-

You're not tired but you're so ready for bed. You brush your hair quickly before going to the bedroom.

You don't look around but going to Jack's bed, you put the duvet away and say, "Come on, you're sleeping with me tonight," you tell him.

He looks taken aback but awkwardly follows you as you climb onto the bed you shared with Minho for the past two days.

Agnes is giving you the questioning look but just like everyone else, they don't say anything but let the drama unfold.

You get under the cover with him and turn to the side to look at him, "Are you cuddly, Jack?"

He pauses for a moment then says, "I am."

"I love good cuddles."

"Yeah?" He asks with a gleeful grin and eyes that are filled with hopeful glints.

"Of course."

-

YOU: I told you, Jack is my cute boy toy.

-

You slip your hand in his curls and play with it, at the same time, watching the door because Minho can come at any minute now.

"Your hair is so soft," you comment.

The door swings open and Minho steps inside, stopping on his track for a second to see that someone else has taken his spot.

The brief look he gives you is enough to make you gulp air, he's saying nothing but has to share a bed with Alia.

The silence is suffocating as everyone watches intently every gesture or expression on either you or Minho to get any hints about what's happening between the two of you.

Their eyes are going back and forth because your beds are facing each other.

"Don't you feel a little hot, Jack?" You ask.

"Uhm..." he hums as he thinks of an answer to such an easy question, "I think so."

You sit on the bed and look in Minho's direction, not necessarily seeing him eye to eye. You take your top off, not caring that this will be broadcasted all over the world and everyone can see your tits.

"Oh... fuck..." you hear Jack curses under his breath next to you.

Minho takes a sip of water from his tumbler and you can see that his jaw tensed as he swallows his water.

Once the lights are out, you get under the cover and turn to the side to face Jack. For someone who kissed two girls at once, he's playing safe by keeping his hands away from you.

You lean in close to his pillow, "How was your day?"

He rakes his brain to answer another simple question, "Can't complain," he answers.

You giggle because of how cute he is, how oblivious to the fact that you're using him to make Minho jealous. When you think about the kiss you shared with him, he isn't that bad of a kisser, he was too excited at that time to focus on using his skill.

You kind of want to give him a second chance so you lean in closer and ask him, "What do you think about spending 6 grand tonight?"

-

YOU: We'll see? No, Minho. You'll see.

-

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[leviscolwill]

sanctuary

pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader

summary: after an eventful singapore gp, the only thing you can think of is your comfy bed but your body has another plan and your boyfriend isn't happy about that. [wc: 1,6k]

req: Ferrari driver reader x jude where she feels a bit dizzy after a race and kind of faints when they get at the hotel, like just fluff with him taking care of her + CAN YOU WRITE JUDE ANGST THEN FLUFF IDC ABT THE SCENARIO JS JUDE ANGST IN JUDE X DRIVER READER 🙏🙏

contents: established relationship, charles is reader's teammate, ferrari being good au (impossible ik), reader faints, jude is a worried bf, barely has angst ngl 🏃‍♀️, nothing else i think

note: i have no idea how to write about fainting and it probably shows. ALSO, i wrote most of this at 1am so i hope it makes sense (probably doesn't but we move😪)

now playing: sanctuary by joji (nectar)

usually you would say you absolutely loved singapore. the track was one of your favourites on the calendar and you practically counted down the days to this race. but this week was probably the most difficult of your entire career in motorsports. of course, marina bay had never been an easy race, and the weather conditions in singapore were only making it harder to handle. but this year, no number of ice bath and cold shower could appease the dizzying headache that plagued your weekend.

and to add to that, everyone at the team has been stressing you out about the championship. obviously, you were grateful that you could finally fight for one, ferrari had built the perfect car this season. but this came with a price, fighting against charles for the title. you were great friends with your teammate but you had to admit your relationship took a toll with the constant tension between the two of you throughout the season. anyone wearing a bright red kit kept reminding you that you needed to be careful on track, that if you crashed with anyone, but especially with charles, you'd be in great trouble.

thankfully your boyfriend joined you after qualifying, and made your weekend instantly better. he noticed something was wrong right away. of course, you told jude about your struggles but he didn't expect to find you in this state.

"maybe you shouldn't race tomorrow..?"

you took a glance at jude, laid down on the hotel room bed, to check if he actually meant what he just uttered only to find a very serious look on his face.

"yeah, i'll just call fred to tell him i'm feeling sick and don't care about the championship anymore, that's definitely the best choice i have." sarcasm dripped out of your words as jude rolled his eyes.

"just because you had a bad day, doesn't mean you have to give me an attitude." it was your turn to roll your eyes. you quietly got under the sheets and muttered a barely audible 'goodnight', clearly not having the energy to argue with him tonight.

as you closed your eyes you felt jude turn around to wrap you in his arms around you.

"i'm just worried for my girl, that's all." he said, softly kissing your hair. you turned around to face him, having to trace his face before finding his lips because of the darkness of the room, and pressed a quick kiss on his lips.

"i appreciate your concern, i really do. but this race is so much more important than a silly headache. i'll be okay." you kissed him again for good measure. "you're gonna have to trust me with this one."

"i always trust you." the two of you talked some more before falling asleep in each other's arms.

—

the only thing you could think of when you stepped out of your car was your bed. as expected the race had been particularly draining and truth be told, you didn't know if you would be able to stand on the podium in your state. you managed to score a satisfying p2, well it would have been more satisfying if charles wasn't standing on the highest step of the podium, with a 4-point difference before catching on you in the driver's standing.

when the whole team congratulated you on your results, it felt like you were in a fever dream, barely making out what was real and what wasn't. you didn't even notice jude talking to you before he snapped his fingers in front of you.

"are you okay ? should i take you to the medics ?" he asked in a worried tone.

"i'm alright... just need to get through the podium." which did not happen. you ran off stage as soon as the italian anthem stopped ringing in your ears. it was all too much, the heat, the noise, the exhaustion, the pressure. all too much to handle for you.

when you joined jude, he was already talking with your pr manager, telling her you wouldn't be able to do any media work right now. it was the truth, not a petty lie to get away with it. you genuinely felt even more lightheaded (if that was possible) at the sole thought of having to go through a dozen interviews.

seeing you barely standing straight must have conceived her, so soon enough you were on your way back to the hotel in a cab jude called.

you quietly laid your head on jude's shoulder. he barely said a word to you since the podium incident, only asking how you felt, if you drank enough water, and how many hours of sleep you had. you watched him as he typed things on his phone in total silence. you wondered if he was mad at you for putting yourself in such a situation or only worried. regardless, you felt a pang of sadness in your heart thinking about it before drifting off.

—

as soon as jude opened your hotel room's door, you felt your legs giving up on you, your hands found the wall to steady yourself. you could hear jude's voice but couldn't make out what he was saying, like you were underwater.

you tried making it to the bed, but you fell down on your knees and just propped your back against it, waiting a minute before getting up, to get your head to stop spinning uncontrollably.

"y/n. are you okay ?" you felt your boyfriend kneeling down next to you and could finally understand his words, but it felt like they were resonating in your brain, only worsening your headache.

"i'm fine, i'm fine... i just need a moment." you didn't want to worry jude more than he already was, although the weak tone of your voice alarmed him more than anything. you felt him shift around you, and caught a glimpse of him coming back from the bathroom before your eyes shut.

when you woke up, you were laid on the bed with a wet cloth on your forehead. and the first thing you saw was a wide-eyed jude handing you a glass of water.

"i thought about making you drink when you were... asleep? but i didn't want to drown you. so i waited for you to wake up." he was talking fast, too fast for you to fully understand his nonsense.

"hello to you too." your voice was still weak but you felt much better than at the race track. you quickly took a few sips of water before jude tried drowning you for good.

"what's that ?" you asked pointing at the cloth still laying on your face.

"some website said that's what you're supposed to do when your irresponsible girlfriend faints." you hid your face in your pillow at his accusatory words.

"no, but seriously y/n. do you have any idea of how worried i was ? imagine if something wrong happened. god, i knew i shouldn't have let you race..." his words had an angry tone to them and you were confused as to why jude was mad at you over hypothetical scenarios.

"but nothing wrong happened, i even got points. are you not proud of me ?"

"are you being serious right now ? you know i'm always proud of you, points or no points. but you think i'm gonna clap for you after putting yourself in danger like that ?" jude's tone got somewhat angrier but he kept going.

"fuck, when you fainted i already saw myself explaining everything to your mum. you can't take those risks, especially when you drive a fast car for a living. you can understand that right ?"

you felt tears well up in your eyes at his words, thinking about how worried he must have been this whole time.

"i'm sorry, it's just... i've been thinking about the championship a lot. i guess that clouded my judgment." you wiped away your tears quickly, before jude could notice them but it was too late.

"hey, hey, hey... you shouldn't be saying sorry to me, you probably spent a worse weekend than i did anyway. i'm not mad at you but at the situation, alright ?" his fingers stroke the wet spots under your eyes, wiping what was left of your tears away. "i'm proud of you, and happy for your points. but you're not winning a championship by making your dangerous job even more dangerous." his voice and his eyes were soft and you felt your chest get significantly warmer.

"you're right..." the room got silent for a couple seconds at your words.

"what was that ? i couldn't hear you babe" jude had a shit-eating grin on his face and you knew exactly what he wanted, and it almost made you physically sick to give him this satisfaction.

"i said... you'reright." you tried getting those terrible words out as fast as you could, but he wasn't happy with that.

"mmh mmh, that won't do... say it nice and loud for me love." you felt your face heat up, both in fluster and embarrassment at his words.

"you're right." your words had a defeated tone to them, but jude decided that would be enough by the way he didn't taunt you anymore.

he moved and got under the covers with you, even though you were gonna have to get up again as you were both still dressed. he just wanted to share this little moment of peace with you.

"you know, it's crazy how you drive the fastest car in the world but can't survive singapore's heat for a weekend." you playfully elbowed jude's ribs at his teasing.

you were grateful to have someone like jude to support you and your intense lifestyle, but also someone to talk about silly little things, legs tangled under the sheets.

[12woso12]

Dorothy lands in North London - Part 6

Part 5

I know it's been quite the build up to meet all the players but trust me it's coming :) A short chapter ahead, sorry!

Once you had bid goodbye to Jonas, Jennifer wasted no time in dragging you pitch side. It was there that you experienced just how much went into announcing new signings as you met the rest of Jennifer and David's team and crew members. They took long videos of you walking pitch side and sitting among the thousands of seats in the stadium, you couldn't wait to hear them roar to life on match days.

'Here' Jennifer approach where you were seated with a box in hand. 'New pair of boots for the day, wanna give them a try?'

'Hell yes' you said excitedly ripping open the box to find a pair of pink Nike phantoms laying in wait. You grinned and held them up to the camera examining with glee the way your initials and number were engraved into the side. 'Fucking fantastic aren't they?'

'Language!' Jennifer exclaimed 'We'll have to mute that Y/n'

You glanced at her sheepishly before pulling the boots snuggly over your feet.

'Perfect fit.' You weren't ashamed to admit that you went through football boots like a Foxes through chicken. They never usually lasted longer than a few months before they were falling apart of the seams, maybe it was the rough tackles or the way you liked to knee slide but you weren't all that sure. It was a shame considering how much you loved your new pair.

As you got up from your seat and made your way back down to the grass an Irish voice abruptly stopped you in your tracks.

'There's me new protege'

You turn to see Katie McCabe sauntering out the tunnel. The Irish Captain was also decked out in an Arsenal kit and she dragged a ball bag behind her.

'Katie' She introduced herself, dumping the balls at your feet.

You decided instantly that you liked the girl. You'd be lying if you said you didn't admire her style of play, it was incredibly similar to your own right down to the risky tackles and red cards. From what you'd seen in videos online, you were also pretty sure she'd appreciate your humour.

'I know who you are' You began ' Katie Robinson, right?'

A look of shock crossed Katie's features for a moment before she cackled loudly. 'Got a mouth on ya, don't ya?'

You shrugged. 'That's what they all say'

Jennifer inserted herself into the conversation. 'Okay, now we can get started'

'Started?' You frowned

'On the video."

You shook your head. 'Then what've we been filming for the last half hour?'

Jennifer shared an amused glance with Katie. 'Just some little snippets and shorts for social media, some of it might make the cut for our main video but it's going to be something a little different and i think the fans will really love it' She beckoned you and Katie to follow her over to the nearest goal where the crew had began to set up large cameras.

'That's why i'm here kid, the fans love me' Katie joked to which you sniggered.

Ignoring the Irish defender, Jennifer continued. 'The whole concept is based around reputations, people hear Katie's name and they think passionate, fearsome, daring, dangerous and your name carries that weight too. So we're gonna play onto that, teams aren't just going to have to deal with one McCabe now, but two.'

You liked that idea. You thought it made you sound tough, like you were built to handle anything.

'We're gonna be bringing the danger kid, me and you'

You smirked 'I think your face alone is scary enough'

Katie shook her head. 'I'm going to have to keep an eye on you aren't I?'

'As long as it's not when i'm in the shower' You countered

Jennifer narrowed her eyes at you as Katie just laughed. 'Stop saying things like that Y/n'

You held your hands up in surrender, you were surprised at how easily you'd managed to fit in already. It was a calming feeling, it made you more at peace with your new life in England despite only arriving a day earlier.

'Kyra's taken a liking to ya' Katie said suddenly as Jennifer wondered away with David to deal with a lighting issue. 'Came through the door at 7 this morning covered in mud but grinning like a mad man'

'Yeah, Emily wasn't too pleased with me about that'

Katie shrugged. 'That's valid, at least Kyra left me a note...even if i couldn't exactly decipher her hand writing.'

'Well I'll know for next time.'

'Next time?' Katie rolled her eyes 'Fantastic'

You honestly couldn't wait to see Kyra again. 'It's good to know someone my own age over here, most of my friends are back in the States'

'Any boyfriend...or girlfriend?' Katie teased

'Not anymore' You answer cryptically but before Katie can respond Jennifer is rushing the two of you into position in front of the camera.

'ACTION'

[ilikekidsshows]

I just saw a video of children pshycologist where she said "a lot of parents nowadays only want their kids to be happy, and that's why a lot of kids nowadays has a lot of problem. because they never taught what necessary for them, such as disappointment, responsibility, accountability, how to regulate their emotion, emphaty-" and some more I don't remember, sorry. And Marinette's parents does reflect this IRL problem which should be a good thing because we have seen what kind of child Marinette is as a result of such parenting. but, instead of make this a moral lesson, the show just validated this kind of parenting and Marinette behavior as "good".

But also it's interesting how I never see the so claimed child pshycologist who said "sentimonster is good methapor for abuse" commenting about Marinette problematic behavior, or maybe because I'm no longer followed the blog, idk.

---

To discuss the connection between Marinette’s problematic behavior and how she’s been raised, people would need to accept her accountability for said behavior first. Instead the closest to accepting that Marinette did anything wrong I’ve seen from the stans is the take that “Gabriel manipulated her into it” because being manipulated would make Marinette a victim and therefore not culpable for her own actions in their eyes. To the average Marinette stan, “being asked nicely by the main villain” just about equates to “was forced to do it with a gun held to her head”.

Also, like, I really do think that the Miraculous fandom at large either considers Marinette’s parents as close to perfect as you can get or claims they're neglectful for not suing the school for suspending her. Because, as I said before, the idea of parents who never expect anything from you, always give you whatever you want and instantly do whatever it takes to keep you in a good mood sounds really good. We all talk about how having supportive parents is really important, so no one thinks it’s possible for parents to be too supportive. It sounds ridiculous, the idea that you can basically give your child too much love by wanting them to always be cheerful and never having to struggle with anything.

The reasons for this attitude make sense. The other extreme of completely unsupportive parents messes with a child’s psyche much more obviously than being overly permissive does. Unless you’re actively observing someone’s behavior and know what to look for, there’s not much difference between having a healthy sense of self and being self-obsessed. It’s good to take care of yourself and prioritize yourself, it keeps you safe and healthy. But it’s bad to mistreat others because you just couldn’t be bothered to be considerate. It’s one thing to set boundaries when you’re dealing with things yourself and don’t have enough strength to take care of someone else on top of that, and a completely another thing to ask others to always prioritize you to their own detriment because you can't deal with even the smallest problem alone.

Fortitude against anything needs to be built up, just having support doesn’t cut it. When it comes to strengthening your immune system, it's not enough to just take all your vitamins while staying indoors all day, you actually need to expose yourself to bacteria by going outside frequently. It’s the entire point of vaccines that you need small amounts of a bad thing to be able to counter large amounts of it. Children facing expectations, disappointments and stressors is the same thing. You’ll never be able to handle even the slightest amount of stress unless you get exposed to it in small amounts first.

Also, like, this isn’t new information about parenting. Granted, developmental psychology as a separate field of psychology is a pretty new field of science to begin with (less than two centuries old), but I remember, already in my childhood, there being a philosophical approach to parenting that said: “overprotective parents raise cowards”. This was based on the idea that children mimic their parents, so the things their parents overly protect them from start to register as “scary” things. These days we know child development also includes more subtle connections, and, indeed, several articles on overprotective parenting discuss children with overprotective parents as being overly anxious, being more dependent on others, being involved in bullying as either a victim or perpetrator (or even both) and tending to lie to get people to like them more, among other behaviors connected to different types of overprotective parenting. Sounds almost like a checklist for Marinette, huh?

I used to think Marinette was coddled all the way back during the original show. It was just so obvious to me, because that’s how I was parented and I had similar problems with emotions and I had to clean up my act as a teenager. But, I think the reason it’s never been a topic of discussion, is that it makes Marinette out to be flawed in a real, tangible way that she herself would need to fix. Even before the retool validated all the more annoying stans, we had to be very roundabout and hushhush about any flaws Marinette had, because the stans were using the boogeyman of “everyone on Reddit/Youtube calls her stalker and blahblahblah” to justify being annoying jerks to people trying to discuss Marinette’s character with anything that wasn’t pure praise.

The one thing to remember about the fabled fandom psychologist, whose posts I’ve also had blocked for years, is that they were a popular blog. I’ve never been that popular in the Miraculous fandom, some posts of mine were, and my most popular posts were the most milktoast, tongue-in-cheek posts that didn’t actually challenge the audience in any way, practically shitposting. The Miraculous fandom at large, the side of it that desperately clings to this show and its protagonist as flawless, have never wanted to be challenged. They don’t want to read anything too spicy, they want to read posts that validate the common consensus . And that’s why a popular Miraculous blog would never write an in-depth analysis of Marinette’s character flaws and what caused them, it just wouldn’t bring the numbers they’re used to. In fact, if a popular blog decided to say anything even vaguely critical-sounding, they’d be torn apart by the Marinette stan mob who are just “so sick of all the salt”.

I know these things because I lived that too. I used to dial back my opinions on this show so much, once it became clear that Marinette stans just don’t remember what happens in the show and go purely on vibes and will dogpile anyone who says the vibe isn’t canon. The thing I said that offended these stans so much? “Marinette has a huge support system.” This was “too much salt”. I was new to active blogging and didn’t know how to deal with that much negative attention, so I tried to remain mostly inoffensive the rest of my time in the fandom. Choosing to burn any bridges with a fandom that unquestionably supports this bad of a show was the best decision I ever made.

[imagineitdearies]

not a Perfect Slaughter question but Astarion one. you remember that scene in goblin camp where a Loviatar priest and PC can do an impromptu bdsm session? Astarion's reaction always confused me. he seems to be strangely into it for a person who experienced a lot of non consensual sex with physical violence sprinkled on top. like yes, he could be faking it (it's act 1 after all) but he gives a lot of approval points for it.

is it just a case of him being his usual gremlin self? or is he more amenable to the show now when he isn't the one on the receiving end of a whip? also at this point in a game i doubt he cares too much for PC (reminds me abt his remark "i don't like seeing you hurt" or smth along the line).

and more generally, what do you think is his stance on pain play and d/s stuff in the bedroom? anyway would like to hear your musings on this, ciao <3

Hey anon!

I'm no Astarion expert compared to some in this fandom, but this is a scene I've thought a lot about the implications of myself so I'll offer my two (very long-winded) cents. I'd love to hear others' thoughts as well!

I agree that Astarion's big approvals should be isolated to the context of when in the game he's giving them. Based on his smaller approval points in Act I, when Astarion starts out this journey he seems to like watching people get treated how he once was. Just a few really early examples:

Tav* making Lae'zel say please (Astarion begging Cazador)

Tav making Zorru bow (Astarion having to bow in Cazador's presence)

Tav prodding Nettie's injured bird till it dies (Godey flashbacks)

Tav telling Mayrina's brothers they won't help (no one ever helping Astarion)

Tav terrorizing Lorin/entertaining his delusions (☹)

So we could argue Astarion is just leaning into this sadistic trauma response in the Loviatar scene as well. He finds satisfaction, however temporary, in seeing others endure what he once had to, and reassuring himself that he's on the winning/powerful/in control side this time. AKA not the weak pathetic person he feels like he was before. The self-loathing is subtle, but not far under the surface.

Considering he often disapproves of Tav being self-sacrificing and weak in other instances, however (usually when it's on behalf of others), why does he highly approve in this certain instance of Tav submitting to pain and injury for seemingly no good reason?

I think the timing of this scene in Act I makes a big difference, considering it's deep in the goblin camp where the party is usually at least a couple levels into their adventure. So in that case, Tav is the established leader, Astarion's vampiric nature is revealed, and they've survived quite a few encounters together already. Some trust has been built. Astarion is more assured of Tav's strength, competency, and willingness to keep him in the group....but that assurance of Tav's strength could be crossing over to feeling unsafe again.

There's plenty of other chaotic, less-sadistic things that he likes (BAAAA!), but almost** all of his big +5 or +10 approvals come from Tav agreeing to something that makes Astarion feel safe and/or powerful. So perhaps Astarion wants Tav to say yes to the Loviatar pain ritual because he views it as a show of strength. He might feel safer knowing that his leader can not only handle pain, but is so entirely unafraid as to welcome it even in the midst of a dangerous goblin camp--something Astarion's 'weak' past self never would have done (cue the self-loathing again).

Based on how eager he sounds when encouraging Tav, though ("don't you dare say no!"), I like to think that he's playing it off as sexual but in reality wants to assure himself he's not with another Cazador. While Astarion is likely to follow Tav regardless, I think he's more interested in being intimate with Tav--if he hasn't already--after seeing that Tav is okay with not always being in charge and assertive, in control. I think, especially at the start, Astarion craves control after not having it for so long, and this kinky display tells him Tav wouldn't mind him taking over for a little while.

Which, at last, gets us to your question about Astarion's views on "pain play and d/s stuff in the bedroom." I think it's telling that Astarion has a +5 approval during the first sex scene if Tav rolls over and lets him bite, and no matter which final romance scene you end up with in Act III, he's depicted as the top. If he ascends, he quickly jumps into what I'd call a permanent d/s dynamic with spawn!Tav where's he's the one in control, made all the more evident with the new kissing animations for patch 6. Plenty of implications to be had, about his preferences.

Now (and these are entirely my headcanons/opinions from here on out), Astarion just isn't in a place for what I'd consider actual healthy d/s dynamics in the bedroom during or immediately after the game timeline, as his mindset is too rooted in fear, self-loathing, and desperate grabs for control. It's been days, weeks at most since he was tortured and controlled on the regular--a lot of this stuff could be triggers and provoke flashbacks, or at the least reinforce the idea in his head that sex is a tool of manipulation and control. Truly safe, sane and consensual d/s acts just don't seem on the table--he goes through a period of not wanting sex at all, much less intimacy where so much trust is required.

But post-game, with enough time? I could see spawn!Astarion*** eventually enjoying some light bdsm in either role, maybe pain play beyond bites if he was the one giving, not receiving the pain. Which all could be a healing experience for him, with trust and aftercare involved. He wouldn't make it on my list of 'top three kinkiest companions' though 😂

Anyways, this is all very much my personal opinion!! Astarion is a fascinating character with so much nuance, there's endless ways to interpret him. And maybe he was just feeling extra chaotic and kinky that day 🤷‍♀️ "Ah, drink it in - that sweet, sweet chaos. Not that I approve of goblins, of course - filthy little beasts - but I do like a good den of debauchery."

Thanks for the question anon. If nothing else, I hope these ramblings entertained! 💙

*Tav represents Tav, Dark Urge, and origin characters in this post

**The one exception that I can think of is the +5 approval for letting him interrupt during the bugbear/ogre scene. Chaos gremlin indeed.

***Ascended!Astarion's characterization and lore is just a bit too inconsistent and vague (in my opinion, of course) for me to analyze a future for. Press (x) to doubt that he can eventually practice safe, healthy bdsm on the side with spawn!Tav while he does his evil stuff and tries to take over the world, but maybe??? Lol he doesn't make sense to me.

[rey-jake-therapist]

It really feels like to me that they should have given Galadriel more complicated feelings about Sauron in S2. It was the perfect time for them to have "mind palace" scenes, where he manipulates her from afar and she's drawn to him and the power he offers. Now she fully hates him and is no longer drawn to that darkness and will instead become a perfect and pure Mormon princess. She's moving away from the sword and will soon reunite with her husband and she won't be tainted by darkness because she never crossed that line with Sauron. It makes me sad, but it's what will happen.

Sorry anon, I think they made a great job in season 2 at showing her complicated feelings for him, personally. We saw her remisniscing of the day they shared their feelings and almost kissed (yes, I'm sure it would have happened if the Numenorean guy hadn't interrupted them) straight after telling Elrond she couldn't let him in again. Then during her discussion with Adar, she basically said that without Sauron, her life was only "a dull gray", I mean... I was actually amazed that they made her feelings for him so explicit! I didn't expect it at all.

Regarding this "mind palace" thing, I must say It keeps confusing me. We haven't been shown any evidence that Sauron was able to mentally talk to anyone before the end of season 2, let alone from a distance. The only "mind palace stuff" we saw was him casting illusions based on the other person's personal memories, and it always happened when the person was present next to him. The end of their fight was actually the first time we saw Sauron mind talking to Galadriel, or anyone else. Maybe, if the bond theory is correct, he was able to do this thanks to their newly formed bond; he may be able to cast an illusion from a distance so he can not only talk mentally to her, but also appear physically before her, I don't know, but so far there was no indication that he could do that. I know this ship is constantly compared to Reylo for reasons I don't quite understand except that they're both built around the concept of light vs darkness, but their connection is widely different from what Rey and Kylo shared, it is not a Force bond kind of thing. Whatever the writers do in season 3 regarding their connection, I think they'll handle it differently.

As for Galadriel becoming a "perfect and pure Mormon princess", well first Galadriel was never that in the books... And considering that Patrick McKay said "for now..." when Morfydd said that Galadriel was getting closer to the light, it seems to me that it was a hint that she was far from becoming Third Age Galadriel, the Lady of Light who vainquished for good her temptation for darkness. In an interview post season 2, they also said that Galadriel was only halfway through her Lady of Light arc (I'm sorry I can't provide the source, I've read on Reddit and they didn't mention where this information cam from. I assume it was from a podcast.), meaning she hasn't gotten there yet.

As for Celeborn, there's also no indication that he'll appear anytime soon, and it's not him who will singlehandly prevent Sauron from reaching for Galadriel's mind, anyway.

Okay I'm done answering asks involving Celeborn now :)

[yandere-romanticaa]

Ana, what would you say your top 5 anime are?

The only secure place shall we say is #1 but the rest really are not set in any particular order. Regardless, I've already answered this question a while ago but my opinions changed a little bit and these ones are definitely my favorite of all time.

#1 Bungo Stray Dogs.

My all time favorite anime is this one - Bungo Stray Dogs. It really hits hard for me because it just sucked me in immediately upon first watching it. I also really enjoy reading so being introduced to Japanese literature was just such a lovely bonus to me, so much so that I actually own two books which were written by Osamu Dazai.

If you've been following me for a while, this anime needs no introduction and you probably already knew that it's my favorite.

#2 Moriarty the Patriot.

Such an underrated gem...

Moriarty the Patriot tells the story of a math professor, William James Moriarty and how he wreaks havoc amongst the upper crust of British society as the secret Lord of Crime. He's a very morally ambiguous character who yes, does want to ultimately do good but his methods can be considered very extreme at times.

The anime is set in 19th century London and just the overall vibe of the show is immaculate. Every episode starts by setting the atmosphere which really gets you going, wondering how William and his associates will handle the chaos. His natural foil is the famous detective Sherlock Holmes and watching the two interact is a blast.

If you're in for anime which is packed with mystery, crime and some cool 19th century vibes, this one is incredible.

#3 Code Geass.

This is also another really popular anime that I don't think needs much of an introduction.

I've rewatched this show I think close to 10 times and never ONCE did I get bored. Keep in mind, I do NOT like mecha anime and this is one of two I've seen in my lifetime, the other being Aldonoah Zero.

Even so, despite my bias, it's still one of my favorites.

Literally everything is perfect about it and Lelouch is just... I'm speechless. He has my heart, I love that man.

All hail Lelouch!

#4 Re:Zero.

This is another one that had me on the hook since episode one.

I've always liked isekai anime but this one is just built fucking different. The author of this series really knows his craft both inside and out and I don't see enough praise for his world building.

Re Zero tells the story of a loser 17 year old otaku, Subaru Natsuki and how he got isekaid to another world. Since he's a dumbass, he thinks that he can have any ability he wants and that things will instantly go his way but Subaru is in for quite the rude awakening once he realizes just how horrible his situation is.

At the time of writing this, season 3 literally just came out and I am eagerly waiting for each new episode to drop.

#5 Puella Magi Madoka Magica.

Horror packaged in frills and ribbons is my whole aesthetic and this show feeds right into that.

It really does look like a simple little magical girl show upon first glance but by now, it has received the almost legendary status that it has for a damn good reason. The story manages to make the usually cheerful archetype of the magical girl into something much more sinister and tragic, exploring some interesting themes along the way.

Feel free to comment or share your thoughts on my fav list. Some honorable mentions would be Naruto, My Next Life as a Villainess, The Case Study of Vanitas and definitely some more shows which I can't recall at the moment.

[jon-snows-man-bun]

4, 9, 16, 26 for the Vanserra Brother ask game!

Can I just say I LOVE these questions you've created? So much fun and so good for fic writers to think through. I'm popping this beneath a cut because I waffled so long. These were really thought provoking!

4. Order the 7 brothers from who has the longest hair to who has the shortest

Honestly... long hair vs short hair Eris depends on my mood and whichever fanart I've seen most recently lmao. I'm easily persuaded he looks so good in everything

Today at this moment:

Lucien definitely has the longest with the way Feyre was waxing poetic about his hair when they were running through Autumn. Eris has the second longest with the iconic Jessica depictions. Elias fifth son comes next (but not in a styled way, in a more lackadaisical dishevelled way), then Damien third son with hair below his shoulders, and finally Cato the fourth son, one of the warriors briefly mentioned in ACOTAR, with short hair.

9. Which brother looks the most like the Lady of Autumn?

Lucien for sure. I imagine this is another thing that differentiates him from the rest of his brothers, and another reason for them to be shitty with him and resent him - he really did take all of her: affection, attention, looks.

16. Rank the brothers from Most Fucked Up to Least Fucked Up by Beron

Oh man. I don't actually think Lucien comes in first, he's done a lot of trauma processing with the centuries in Spring and all his pals there as well as the BoE. He seems to be in a (mostly) healthy place now, notwithstanding the 'Jesminda was not my mate' revelation and the complicated feelings that would bring up.

In my head, Lyam the second son who was the one killed by Tamlin was definitely the most fucked up. Beron would have shaped Eris into what he believes a High Lord should be, then with the second one made a dog to both push Eris harder lest he be usurped and handle the military aspects while Eris handled the political aspects. I think this would have involved a lot of brutality, violence, and self-esteem squashing to shape him into the perfect attack dog and military leader.

Then comes Giles and Elias, the fifth and sixth sons and twins, but indirectly. I think it's accepted fanon that there was a set of twins in the Vanserra brothers and Lucien killed one of them, leaving the other one alive - I've seen this so many times and it just adds so much emotional complexity. Giles is the dead twin in my story, so Elias is completely unmoored and reliant on substance abuse instead of processing his grief and perceived failure because he's a Vanserra Man and they aren't emotional so he can't talk about it. I also imagine he had a caranam/power sharing bond in some way with Giles, leaving him with only half of his magic - we see this with Dagdan and Brannagh, the creepy Hybern incest twins, so in my head that's how twins work in Prythian.

Eris next, he has all the expectation and dealt with Beron's hyperfocus on creating a worthy heir but keeping him dependant on Beron's approval so he wasn't usurped too quickly. Toxic combo

Then Damien, the partyboy third son. Beron would have focused on Eris and Lyam and, typical ignored child, Damien would have started chasing attention in other ways - especially since I imagine the Lady of Autumn was burnt out on both Beron and her violent, unpleasant sons by that point, knowing Beron would want her to have even more.

Cato the fourth son comes next. He would have escaped to the military earliest possible convenience, and been raised by barracks in the way a lot of guys who join the military very young are.

26. Order the 7 brothers from the skinniest to bulkiest 💪

Cato - he probably started taking HGH and creatine way too young, see above point re joining the army

Then Lucien - he got the Mamaserra curvy MILF genes combined with Helion the sex god, so he's literally built different

Eris - he's currently general so he can't be too slim, but he's definitely not rippling with studly muscles you know? More of a lean, fit fencer/tennis player/swimmer type than a rugby player

Damien - wastrel party boy, court fixture, he's not out there training more than he has to in order to get people looking at him shirtless

Elias - literal wastrel, perpetually drunk, high, or hungover.

[sprintingowl]

Writing Your First TTRPG

So you want to write your first TTRPG system.

A short thread.

First, you should know that you don't have to make your TTRPG from scratch.

You can always use Mork Borg or Fate or PbtA or Trophy or any other system that supports third party content.

Systems like Caltrop Core even come with tutorial material for how to write your game.

But let's say you don't want any guardrails. You want to make the whole thing yourself. Here's how to do that.

To start, zero in on what your system's about.

Don't worry about genre or style, just find something you think would be fun to tell stories about. Dinosaur bikers. Astronauts in a lover's tiff. Spiders selling hats. Anything.

Now that you've got your subject, the next step is crucial.

Dive right in.

I'm serious. Open up a document and start writing the part of the game that is most interesting to you.

It might be character Classes, or monsters, or even just a basic idea of how you want your game to handle some part of gameplay.

"Food is important! There's rules for hunting!" is a fine place to start.

From there, build outward.

If you've written "Gremlin Class: +1 to Sneak, +1 to Airship Repair", that tells you two things about how your system works.

It tells you that both sneaking and airships matter in your game, and that you should write rules for them.

When writing rules, here are some things not to worry about just yet:

-Are the rules realistic?

-Do the rules work?

Just get some mechanics down. Give people a way to interact with your game.

"Roll a d6. High is good and low is bad" is a fine place to start, but you can get weirder.

Do you want people to roll a lot of dice? Or use dice that get neglected?

Do you want to test something other than dice rolling, like playing cards or flicking a paper football?

Do you want players to have some degree of control over the dice? Can they spend a resource for rerolls, or to simply succeed?

You might end up finding that your dice system works a bit like another game, and this is completely fine. There are thousands of TTRPG systems that have elements that overlap with each other. Nobody has a patent on target numbers.

Once you've got some mechanics, take a look at how they interact with the other thing you built---the thing you care about. This will inspire you to design further.

Add new Classes, new monsters, new subsystems.

Keep designing until you feel like you've written down everything you want to, and then get some sleep.

Yes, really. Put the project down, go to bed, wake up the next day, and edit it.

Your game is going to look incoherent at first, and that's fine. The goal of this editing pass isn't to get it perfect. It's to get your game to the point where someone can read it and make a character.

Once your game is in that state, get some friends to build PCs. Play a session. See what breaks. Go back and adjust your game to fix the things that broke. Then play a bit more. See what else breaks.

If you wrote a really big system, this will all take longer, but eventually you'll find that your system isn't breaking all the time.

At this point, you can keep it for yourself and your friends, or you can distribute it.

Platforms like itchio are great for posting new TTRPGs. Depending on your skillset, you might illustrate your game and put it through layout, or you might just export it as a PDF and post it. Both approaches are fine.

If you decide you want to make your project into a commercial undertaking, you can go to kickstarter or gamefound, or print zines and sell them yourself. Or you can just sit back and enjoy the thing you've made.

--

Coda: This is absolutely not the only way to design TTRPGs, and I'm sure a lot of designers have completely different processes. If this approach isn't working for you, or if there's something you hate about it, go with your instinct and do things different.

[featherstorm2004]

All For One's death

I am a little confused at some of the disappointment I've seen directed at the latest chapter or well chapters, more at how Horikoshi has handled All For One. Because, I don't see how this could have gone differently given the current circumstances but to organise my thoughts I will start with the first arguments I've been seeing.

"I am upset that All For One went out the way he did"

This one I can kind of understand since with the reveal of his backstory, he has successfully (in my eyes) become one of the most complex and well thought out characters in bnha. However, due to the fact that it was revealed so late it meant that for the people who had just gotten attached to him or the people who had been craving this character development for a long time, it meant we had a short time to enjoy it and his character fully before he died.

And that kinda sucks and I get that, I wish that this backstory was revealed sooner like I would have had it revealed in the vigilante arc where Deku was exploring why villains are the way they are, maybe we could have had both All For One and Yoichi narrate it as Deku was getting used to his vestiges and Shigaraki and All For One were fused. But I understand why that didn't happen since it was clear that Horikoshi was experiencing burnout after writing the monster of an arc that was the war, plus I'm pretty sure he was dealing with a new editor/manager which couldn't have been fun.

In a perfect world Horikoshi would've taken a nice long break after the war arc and then started working on the next arcs but sadly that didn't happen. But I'm happy we got this backstory at all since it's clear he's been rushing to finish the manga as soon as possible (which I can't blame him for) and I'm glad to see he cared enough about All For One as a character to make it crystal clear why he is the way he is and that despite everything that he is in fact human.

As for the people who are mad that he's not the main villain, I'm not really sure what to tell you. Yes he is a really cool character/villain and it might have been cool to see him in all his big bad glory but this has never been his story; it's been stated over and over again that All For One and by extension All Might's time in the limelight is over, this is Deku and Shigaraki's story not theirs. Since the beginning it's been made abundantly clear that bnha is a story about successors and the legacies they carry and if you wanted a story about their predecessors then you're reading the wrong manga.

Which brings me to the next complaint I've heard, people that are upset that All For One was included in the first place.

I can understand this to a point, I too was upset when All For One barged in and tried to steal Shigaraki's thunder, it was frustrating I can admit that. But I also wasn't too surprised after all it was an incredibly in character thing for All For One to do and Horikoshi needed a believable way to handicap Shigaraki so the hero's had the slightest chance of winning, and vestiges had already been long established in this world.

But most importantly there needed to be a reason for Deku to believe that Shigaraki needed saving and to want to do so in the first place, and being forcefully possessed by the most evil man in history is a pretty good motivation to save someone.

And to be honest there was no way that Horikoshi could get away with not using All For One at all after there had been so many hints and foreshadowing to him eventually breaking out of prison, people would have lost their minds if he had never been included. Especially after he had been built up as this master manipulator who had warped Shigaraki's mind for years and had been pulling the strings of Japans underworld for a century.

It would've been seen as the worlds biggest missed opportunity so, I think Horikoshi handled it the best way he could've whilst keeping the integrity of his characters and the main theme's of the story intact.

And I think it was probably for the best that we spent that time deconstructing the myth that was the villain All For One because in my eyes he really didn't fit in the world of bnha; which has spent it's entire story exploring how people aren't born good or evil and that bad people can choose to change if they want to and that good people can also do bad things. So, to have this pure evil villain who was just born that way didn't really mesh well with the tone and message of the story, he needed to be brought down a peg or two to be made more human in order to fit in and I think Horikoshi succeeded in that.

Now that I'm thinking about it, that's probably the reason I never cared for All For One at the start as I could sense that he didn't belong in this world. And I didn't start getting invested in him until he started falling apart because suddenly he made sense in the narrative, but that's just my opinion. I'm not saying that pure evil villains can't be fun or thematically appropriate, just not for this story.

But yeah those are my thoughts of All For One's death at the moment I'll probably do more meta's about it later but I wanted to respond to the complaints I've been seeing.

[ad-hawkeye]

You came up on my recommended feed at the perfect time bc I have Artem brainrot rn AND YOUR ANALYZATION OF ARTEM’S CARDS ARE FANTASTIC! I’m one of the few players that avoids most CN server spoilers, and I’ve been abstaining from pulling most cards so I can pull for 3rd anni(which now I’m kinda questioning if I should LOL), so I missed out on a TON of content for all of the male leads. BUT, from the very few cards I had pulled this past yr, I did notice an odd shift in Artem’s personality. Although, I wasn’t too sure if it was just me being dumb or if it was a real thing that was happening. And after reading some of your posts I kinda want to re-read Artem’s Second Anni Card again bc I was so excited for the artwork from that event, that I didn’t pay much attention to the story LOL However, now that I’ve seen what you’ve said and what many other Artem fans have said, I’m sure my feelings weren’t wrong. And now I’m sad 😢

Artem was my favorite bc his relationship with Rosa felt the healthiest and was built on respecting each other’s boundaries, learning how to set boundaries, and working as a team, while also having a more traditional framework of a male leadership role(which I’m extremely fond of). Artem never restricted Rosa from spreading her wings as his work partner or as his life partner, he simply asked if he could come along beside her where ever she wanted to go. AND LIKE HIS ORIGINAL PERSONAL STORY IS A PERFECT EXAMPLE OF THIS BEHAVIOR! Rosa makes a reckless decision to go get evidence, without Artem, for a the domestic violence case they were working on and almost gets hurt in the process. After that, Artem scolds Rosa for being reckless and for not taking better care of herself. And Rosa doesn’t take it lying down either! They equally argue and get their grievances out in the open, feel bad about later, and apologize. (THE COMMUNICATION IS SO REAL 😩) FURTHERMORE! This incident leads them to learning and understanding how differently they work as lawyers. Artem learns that Rosa is a lot more personal with her clients and handles her cases with an empathetic approach, while he works more pragmatically, so through this case they learn to work to each other’s strengths as partners, covering for what the other person lacks. And the chapters this incident took place in solidified my growing love for Artem bc unlike Luke or Vyn(I’m not sure about Marius bc admittedly I haven’t read his original personal story 😅), Artem doesn’t hinder Rosa by being overprotective like Luke or push her beyond her capacities like Vyn tried to do in his original personal story. Artem allows a natural course of growth to occur in Rosa, while being a hedge of protection for Rosa BUT ONLY when she seems to REALLY need it, and the same can be said for Rosa towards Artem.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, sorry for ranting 😅

WAHHH YOU'RE TOO KIND!! ;_; thank you so much for the sweet words, it really means a lot!!! i'm so so happy you enjoyed my ranting and raving, honestly having a community of super awesome people to talk about this with has been such a comfort and ive made some awesome friends from my time here, even if we don't chat as much anymore!

and omg, do NOT ever feel bad for ranting in my inbox!!!! i've been ranting about tot in the main tag for two years at this point and i will Always be thrilled to read delightfully written meta such as yours!!!!!

i have to say, i entirely agree with all of this. and i mean ALL OF IT. his personal stories 2, 3, and 4 are my absolute favorites of his and gosh that's like. prime artem to me, i think. your ask reminded me of some meta i read such a long while ago about his second personal story (link can be found here, it's SUCH a good read)

i think a huge issue is that artem originally always felt like the antithesis to your typical daddy dom boss character. when you start playing tot, appearances wise, he looks and even comes across as one. but these initial appearances are quickly shattered.

he is absolutely inexperienced with interpersonal relationships. he fumbles the bag CONSTANTLY with rosa. he's terrible at holding conversation, he's constantly apologizing for being boring. he needs his own fucking boss to wingman (haha. wing) for him. he blushes if mc looks at him the wrong way. he's kinda strange. but he's earnest and genuine. he respects rosa's boundaries. he makes mistakes, but learns from them. he gives rosa time to think over her feelings for him so she can still say no to him if she changes her mind.

it's the contrast between this and his initial appearance that makes him interesting. what is extremely bizarre with artem's recent writing is it feels like someone who only read artem's introduction scene got some vague pointers and was like oh. your typical daddy dom boss guy. okay yeah i can write this. and then they did. which . defeats the whole entire point of what made artem compelling in the first place. he was compelling BECAUSE he subverted this trope. by just making him play the trope straight, you remove any and all intrigue from his character.

by not building off of older cards, you abandon all of the plot lines he had set up. they undid any angst in his stories. they dropped his issues with his parents. they downplayed neils impact on his life. he doesn't even grieve for him anymore. he doesnt even think about him most of the time. what happened to entwined fate? praying for neil's safety? what about neil being his father figure? neil potentially betraying the nxx? are we just going to ignore that now so we can watch artem be an insane freak who just apparently woke up with the skills of a sex god, forgot all of the lessons he learned, and doesnt care about consent anymore?

god, now IM ranting.... regardless. youre so right. i hear artem's newest cards are good so im praying those rumors are true : ((

EDIT: SORRY I MEANT TO TALK ABOUT HIS THIRD ANNIVERSARY CARD!!! it's not as bad as his second anniversary card. i know the bar is in hell but it's something. it's pretty contrived in the grand scheme of things (like why are they moving into a house...?) and has some weird moments, but is ultimately not as bad as it could have been in the slightest. i'd say its biggest crime is being boring as sin. holy fuck. i put that shit on 2x speed and i still found myself wanting to fast forward. like nothing happens at all???? it's so bizarre HAHA

[mariesid]

Our first time

Warning: mndi 18+ smut, monster fucker, Teratophilia

Jinbie

You couldn't quite get it, your middle finger flirting over clit. Every time you got close it would slip out of your hands. You wanted your boyfriend, jinbei, but whenever things got hot and heavy he wouldn't go through with what the two of you started. You sighed, deciding to give up. "I was enjoying the show," Jinbies head poked out of the door. You smirk, "I'm sure you were, it'd be different if I could finish the job." Your completely naked on your bed, you decide to cover with a blanket. His eyes looking over every inch of you. Your hair messy from trying to please yourself. Your eyes still full of lust with a hint of shyness. The way your face flushed red from embarrassment. Your pale skin looked like silk in the moonlight. Your breasts slightly shaking with every small movement. The small pocket of chub around your tummy. Those thick, beautiful thighs hiding your soaked lips. The small stretch marks running on your legs. Jinbie feared he would hurt you. As a fish person he was built quite differently from the average human. He wanted you, seeing you so desperate to reach your sweet release. Before the blanket could get around your body Jinbei had you pinned on the bed. His strong hand on your shoulder to keep you down. His knee in between your legs. You locked eyes with his as he took off his many layers. It was your turn to look over him. You loved pointy ears and circular nose. His grey eyes full of want and need. He had the perfect dad bod. His pecks were pure muscle and his beer belly hid his six pack. His member wasn't what you expected. It was almost as tall as your arm, definitely thicker. It had what looked like armer running on it. You widen your legs to Jinbei's surprise. "P-please," you squeaked out. He was shocked, he thought you would recoil and tell him he was to big. He lined himself up with you. You smiled at him as he grabbed your waist. He slowly inserted his tip. You bit back your screams as he paused. "I want to hear you," Jinbei grunted. Your walls spasmed around his tip. You sighed looking at your handsome boyfriend, "m-more." "You think you can handle me," jinbie grinned. He was impressed, he really thought he wouldn't get this far. Slowly he thrusted himself in and out of you. You let out a scream of pain and pleasure. He was going to rip you open, you thought.  Your body shivered and flinched under him. His member kissed your cervix so he stopped. Your body slowly getting used to him. He wasn't all the way in you but this was good enough for now. "J-jinbie," you groaned. He thought he was hurting you, "is it to much my love?" You shook your head no, looking at him with all the love you had for him. He knew what you wanted. He started with a slow pace. You felt the ridges of "armor" against your walls. You screamed for him, he may have been being gentle but with every thrust the ridges made you that much closer. Your walls squeezed and milked him. You knew he wouldn't be able to control himself for much longer. His thrusts became rougher. Your voice became hoarse as your walls spasmed. Jinbie took in a sharp breath realizing he was close. When he hit your cervix this time your vision went white. Your muscles spasmed under him. He watched as your body finally gave you what you wanted. Your chest heaving as you gave one last scream. Jinbie pulled out as you squirted

[bylertruther]

That comment was so true, I was just thinking the same way. Old bylers were more open to criticizing the show's bad aspects and writing choices instead od trying to bend the whole thing to come up with excuses and explanations. Nowadays when you criticize a writing choice or something done by the Duffers you automatically get accused as if you've just committed a crime because how dare you think the Duffers aren't perfect genius writers that put everything intentionally without any mistake.

yeah! nowadays, in this corner, criticism is seen as a bad thing that you would never do to something you enjoy, and it's like... huh? it's okay to not enjoy something 100%. the duffers and co are not infallible and people don't have to like every decision they've ever made. that shouldn't even be something that someone on the internet has to say—existing as a human being in the world should've taught everyone that back when they were a baby.

even beyond that, as others have mentioned in other conversations, you can understand someone else's viewpoint just fine and still not feel as though there's enough relevant evidence to back it up, and feel hesitant because of how the duffers have consistently handled other plots.

like, personally... i struggle to be one of those #believers, because of how present the show's racism is in my mind. also, season three and season four are right there, alongside the show's misogyny and classism, too. and don't forget the little inconsistencies and anachronisms either! there's A Lot that i don't like and that i feel could've been corrected or reworked more effectively had they had a more diverse writing room or consulted others during the writing process. i like the general direction of the show, but there are a lot of details or ways they went about it where i'm like ://// man..

and.... controversial perhaps... but i feel that behavior is especially rampant in the byIer fandom and it manifests as the fanon that we can't seem to shake off.

mike does pay acute attention to will in some ways, but he's not the obvious lovesick, clingy, forever doting, golden retriever bf that people make him out to be [shout out to s2 mike tho he was built different 💔]. that fanon!mike is fans overcompensating for canon mike's behavior and presentation, which honestly has not been that fucking great as of late, purposely because he can't balance having both will and el in his life, among other mike-specific reasons, and because the duffers changed the way they wrote him post-s2. he does care about and love will, but not like many fans suggest, at least not yet.

but if you say that around here, you're seen as a freak weirdo mike hater talking about some ooc mike even though the show is right there and i could point to the 9384038049 times that mike forgot about will, brushed him off, was mean to him, or explicitly chose someone else over him. purposely! of his own volition!

and it also shows in how they babygirlified him, even though mike doesn't act like or look like that at all in the show, nor has he ever been described that way by anyone, whether in-universe or by the people that bring him to life.

And Don't Even Get Me Started On Will. Zon't.........

they had to recreate these new characters with mike and will's names and faces, because they didn't like what was on the screen. simple as that. but will they ever admit it? lmao.

as a fan of the show, and a fan of these characters and the stories they're representing, it's really weird to witness. there has been a distinct shift in the way in-fandom bylers talk about byler and the show and it started post-s2 when things started happening that they felt they had to correct. if they want to engage with the material in a way that best suits their tastes, fine. whatever. literally everyone does that. but to insist that the things that they say that go directly against canon or don't even exist within it .... are canon? and that everyone else using direct lines from the text are the ones projecting or twisting it or otherwise not appreciating the material? i have to laugh.

it's the same with other serious criticisms. if they can't create something to justify it, then they just brush you off as a hater because that's easier than acknowledging that maybe their precious bloated ensemble show isn't entirely perfect.

[siriuslysatorusimping]

Another Level Author Discussion: Hollow Echoes

I absolutely LOVE that so many of you have so many thoughts about the most recent addition to Another Level! This part was incredibly challenging for me to write and I'm so very proud of how it came out and how the emotions came across.

I decided to post this because I was going to end up writing full-length books in the comments replying, and I thought this might be better lol For those who haven't read it yet, I'm putting the discussion below the cut so you can avoid spoilers!

If you haven't already and want to know more, you can find Another Level on AO3 :)

In all honesty, I struggled to write this part a lot because I already had the outcome planned. I knew from the start that this would be their first big fight and it would test them, but that they would come out stronger. I also knew that I wanted to keep Gojo as close to our real Gojo as possible, meaning that he's likely not going to apologize for hurting her. In his mind, he was justified in being upset, so whatever he did or said was justified as well.

You will see some of this in the upcoming chapter for Hollow Echoes.

Something I want to convey in this story as a whole is that people are messy. Humans are filled with lots of emotions, and pain is one of the hardest to work with because people in pain are typically unpredictable.

Gojo is human. And he is far from perfect. While he shouldn't have lashed out the way he did, it's very human of him to direct that anger at the first person he comes in contact with. It's actually why he had isolated himself in the first place because he knows he's not okay enough to be around people when he's like that even if he doesn't know how to say that. He doesn't want to risk ruining the persona he's built of being carefree and nonchalant by taking his anger out on others, so he shuts himself away for a few days to get a handle on his emotions and then slides his mask back in place. She caught him while he was still trying to find that mask again and it threw him off a lot. Hence his lashing out. 

He's also furious with Nanami. More than he's upset with Rinko, actually. Because Nanami overstepped quite a bit here. Well-intentioned, but he ignored the fact that Gojo clearly wanted to be left alone.

We're going to see that Nanami struggles with letting people handle things alone, he is a fixer. It's a trait that's pretty common in a lot of people even if they don't mean for it to be harmful: Your not being okay is making me not okay or is disrupting my life, so I need you to be okay again so I can be okay too. While many times it's because they care about that person, it rarely has good results, and this is a prime example of that.

Gojo missing jobs is disrupting Nanami's life because he's having to pick up some of the slack, and Yaga is getting angry as well. So, he does what he thinks will fix it: have Rinko talk to him. Because Gojo acts differently with her and is softer with her, Nanami thought that she would show up and things would just fix themselves. He's going to keep thinking that without meaning to.

So, while Rinko and Nanami both meant well, they blatantly disrespected Gojo's wish to be left alone.

Should he have communicated that he wanted to be left alone explicitly? Maybe. But they both should have realized that if he wasn't answering, that was him communicating his desire. Rinko did realize this, but she ignored that instinct in favor of listening to people who had known Gojo longer.

Nanami asking Rinko to cross a boundary by invading Gojo's space without permission - and her doing so - hurt Gojo quite a bit. Because it's what everyone else does and he didn't expect her to be like that. It's why she had a key to his place when literally no one else did. Because he thought he could trust her to not do exactly what she ended up doing.

I also made the purposeful choice to have her not mention in her messages that she was coming over. None of her messages even implied such, so he was truly blindsided by her showing up and entering without his permission.

Honestly, I have been on both ends of similar situations and it's really hard, so I'm happy with how this turned out because it starts to convey that complexity just a bit.

So, while being upset with him is completely understandable - and Rinko will be because she's also human and has emotions and is valid in them - his reaction makes sense from a purely human perspective. She also already knows that what she did was wrong, how she went about trying to check on him, and she'll acknowledge it. She knows he's human. Probably better than anyone else in his life at this point, and she understands what it's like to say and do things just because she's hurting.

He is going to admit to her that it's one of the things he likes most about her, appreciates about her. Because she sees a human with too much being asked of him when she looks at him instead of an untouchable god, like so many others do. He's going to tell her such, too.

Because if you'll remember, at this point, there are two people who have worn him down enough to land a hit on him: Toji Fushiguro and Rinko Kurisaki. And they did it days apart from each other, for completely different reasons. Gojo was escorting Riko Amanai less than a week after meeting Rinko. 

This was intentional. And it's a trait that irritates him while drawing him to her more. Her comment to Shoko about him being so different with her because of their first encounter? Not far off. She and Toji are cousins. First cousins. His father and her father were brothers. So, bastard or not, their blood relation is more direct than she ever talks about or wants to admit because it's the same amount of blood they'd have shared were she a legitimate child. And the fact that Toji was actually her first introduction to the Jujutsu world as a kid doesn't help with that.

Rinko has viewed herself as weak for multiple reasons and it's made her rely more on her brain than her cursed energy. After training a bit with Gojo, she's relying on both. 

But think back to their fight in Make a Good Bleed: she knew she couldn't beat him, so she focused on wearing him down and being annoying. And then when she saw an opening, she took it.

After just a few meetings with Toji, without him trying to teach her anything, she realized how useful having no cursed energy could be and learned to mask her own to make herself seem weaker. She is incredibly tactical and it will show even more over time. But what makes it even better is that she doesn't realize just how tactical she really is because she has believed what the main clan has told her since the day they met her: half-breeds are weak.

If you'll remember when she called herself a half-breed to Gojo, he clenched his jaw and narrowed his eyes at her. That wasn't because he didn't like being bested, it was because he didn't like that she called herself that. What did he say to her after?

"Zenin's are strong." He doesn't differentiate that. She has Zenin blood, so she's strong, 'half-breed' or not. He'll hear Naoya call her this once, and he's going to lose his mind.

Does any of this mean he's off the hook? Oh hell no. But, it's one reason she reacted the way she did in how quickly she retreated and blamed herself there at the end.

TLDR: Humans are messy and imperfect, and Gojo is no exception even if he is the strongest Jujutsu Sorcerer in the world.

[nmoroder]

Hello, I just wanted to ask about the Neverhood AU. Do you have any headcanons related to it, that you could share? For example, how does Crown or its corruption work? Because it seemed to influence corrupted characters quite differently. I'm just wondering…

hi! ohh my headcanons sadly aren't compiled into some list or group for convenience, but i can try to remember smth about the crowns

while thinking about Crowns and Revelations, i presumed that each creator's crown kinda resonates with their desires and overall personality, in case of Hoborg that would be creation itself cuz he set himself a goal of constructing a perfect land and gave quite a lot of time and effort to it. and if one puts on the crown, they get overwhelmed by, forgive me for this word, its vibes and turn to sort of fulfilling the crown owner's will (original owner i mean, Hoborg in our case). so in CaR Shuffle puts on his crown and turns into a creation machine, expressing that urge through transforming everything he sees into something he knows, before the delirium kinda ceased and he realized what he's done to the land around him.

but there's the thing about being overcome by a crown's influence - if your own desire is strong enough, you retain your will and can kinda uhh... feel the inspiration, so to say, like thoughts about cool things you could do but not very intrusive. that's why Klogg didn't dive head first into it as he put on the crown, he had his own plans and was I think pretty determined about them. i mean, he DID create some atrocities later, see the Clockwork Beast and Engine Number Nine or whatever its name was; but it wasn't something he couldn't fight, it was his own desire and he had it even without the crown (see the Engine).

in case of Shuffle, he had no strong desire apart from protecting Hoborg i guess, and considering how he built a shelter underground at that land and hid hybernated Hoborg deep inside, the desire did manifest in those actions. however he still wasn't driven by something personal, he wasn't egoistic in his drive and thus the crown replaced his non-existent egoism for a while.

i guess it can be all described by this sentence: for those lacking a driving force, the crown becomes it instead, otherwise it's a helping hand in achieving your desire.

for corruption itself it's much simpler in my opinion, even though Hoborg strived to make his creatures perfect, they're still his close to first attempt at creating someone, so yeah they just wouldn't handle the power the crown gives. perhaps Klay as a material isn't good enough, who knows