#I'm also living vicariously through Remus

[my-castles-crumbling]

Prompt: People Watching ~ Pairing: Jegulus, background Wolfstar ~ Prompt from: @tastetherainbow290 Thanks!

He was happy for them.

He was absolutely, completely, definitely, certainly, unquestionably happy for them.

Really.

Really.

Really.

They looked so happy, so blissful, so content. It was rare, to see Remus- who was always exhausted and in pain and worried about hiding his secret- truly breathe. It was extraordinary to see Sirius- who naturally could not sit still and who still flinched when a wand was turned upon him after his family's cruel abuse- close his eyes and relax.

They deserved this. They deserved all of the love and acceptance and safety they had found in each other, after skirting around their feelings for years.

They were perfect for each other.

And James was happy for them.

But he also watched them with a strange, deep, guttural sense of yearning. He wanted that. He wanted to feel what his friends were feeling. He wanted to be so in love that he didn't even worry about the possible pain of falling, to be so attached to someone that their mere presence made him feel at ease.

He'd thought, maybe, Lily Evans would be that person for him.

But he should have thought more, used enough common sense to realize that she wasn't interested.

It wasn't her fault. But he still cringed when he looked back on how hard he'd tried to achieve that dream of picket fences and 2.5 children when he'd still only been a child, himself. He hadn't actually seriously been in love with her.

And now there was Regulus.

Regulus made his whole soul ache. He wanted. Wanted to hold him, wanted to love him, wanted to know him. Every hidden minute they spent together was golden, and they'd yet to even kiss. Regulus was cold and reserved and terrifyingly intelligent and good at everything and for some reason, around James, he let all of that fall away. They connected in a way that James couldn't even comprehend.

But was it worth it?

He hoped so. He hoped that Regulus would be his person, as Remus and Sirius belonged to each other.

Because even though he was terrified to let another person know him, the reality was that he already belonged to Regulus.

But it was scary and nerve-wracking and he was petrified to jump only to end up alone.

So he sat, contemplating all of this, watching Sirius and Remus, living vicariously through them as they shared and armchair and Remus played with Sirius's hair and Sirius murmured softly into Remus's ear.

-------

I'm only looking just to live through you vicariously I've never really been in love, not seriously I had a dream about a house behind a picket fence Next one I choose to trust, I hope I use some common sense But I cut people out, like tags on my clothing I end up all alone, but I still keep hoping I wanna feel all that love and emotion Be that attached to the person I'm holding Someday, I'll be fallin' without caution But for now, I'm only people watching

[prodigal-explorer]

here are my current sanders sides height headcanon obsessions

i'm sure by now you all know that i do not have set-in-stone height headcanons for the sides (for the most part) because i don't really care and i like mixing it up! but here are my current favorite height headcanons for the sides that i just adore for so many reasons and implement into a lot of my most recent aus!

i can never decide whether i want roman to be taller or shorter than remus, but recently, i've been really digging the idea of roman being just a smidge taller than remus, and he holds it over his head ENDLESSLY while remus is like "whatever dude i'm older so-".

i usually really like when the creativetwins are among the taller ones (i'm 5'3 and i live a tall life vicariously through roman) but i think it's such a fun idea to have them be on the shorter end instead. they're like little balls of energy with huge personalities.

i'm always a sucker for patton to be really short because i usually make him an antagonist character and i LOVE the idea of people assuming that he's innocent and harmless because he's just a tiny boy and then they get totally blindsided when they find out the hard way that there are many more ways to do harm than physical brute force. i also resent the idea of small people always being seen as innocent/fragile and big people always being seen as scary/tough.

i've recently been obsessed with logan being the tallest in the group. like in most instances he's a very gentle giant, but when he loses his temper, he will LOOM.

i am a "virgil is super tall because of heightened anxiety" believer and truther. it is one of my favorite things of all time. i picture him being just a bit shorter than logan.

in terms of height, i see janus being somewhere in the middle. he's definitely the side that i'm the least sure about when it comes to height, i give him a different one every au LMAO.

FAT LOGAN. FAT VIRGIL. FAT JANUS. this, my friends, is the holy trinity. yes i know the fandom loves giving patton a dad bod. that's great for them. but guys. fat logan, fat virgil, fat janus. and i see them being like three different types of fat, if you know what i mean.

janus being like very curvy fat, he loves wearing bodycon stuff cuz he knows he looks SCRUMPTIOUS, but it's also a bitch for him to find well-fitting clothes because the fashion industry doesn't give a fuck about people with his body type. so he is really great with a sewing machine, mostly out of necessity, though he does enjoy it!

okay why don't more people make virgil super muscular. i see him as muscular fat. he's FIGHT or flight, guys!! he definitely has a punching bag in his room. i don't exactly see him as like a gym bro, but he definitely hits the weights when he needs to blow off steam or anxiety.

logan is somewhere between curvy fat and muscular fat, he's just a big guy! he is always very mindful of his size compared to others, mostly because he's worried about accidentally abusing his strength. but he literally never ever does.

the twins have islander bodies guyssss i know i saw themmmm. and by that i mean they're small and pretty lean, but they also have a bit of stockiness to them, especially in their legs. and they get endlessly teased by the other sides for their small feet.

[ashesandhackles]

Yeah, I also struggle to imagine Severus and Remus becoming friends in canon. Remus is extremely passive aggressive and way too loyal to James, while Severus is very open about his disdain for certain people, including Remus and especially James. If I were Severus I would also find it extremely hard to trust Remus given their history. Remus is also the kind of person who’s willing to do anything to fit in and be liked, while Sev is comfortable with his own company. Both make sense given their circumstances. Contrary to popular belief, Sev did NOT hate Remus because he was a werewolf - he hated him because he was and quite frankly remained one of his bullies. Yet at the same time, I love both characters and I’m fascinated by their dynamic. I do think there is a version of reality where under different circumstances, they could have gotten along. Now, I’m wondering, do you think there’s any version of reality where Severus and Sirius could have been friends?

I have answered this somewhere before - but I am going to quote my friend @dragonlordette on this and explain why they are incompatible:

"Snape is unafraid to be himself to the point of being bullied and disliked his whole life, while Lupin is avoidant. These two characteristics don't lend themselves to complementing each other, they just lead to Snape disrespecting Lupin. As an alternative example of a more "complementary" case of opposites attract, Tonks is sociable while Lupin is avoidant. This means she can help him out his shell, but she is not so committed to "staying true to herself" that she would find lupins tendency not to speak up to his friends weak (like snape would). It's a more complementary strength.

I just feel like nearly every trait of Lupin and snape is mutually exclusive, rather than complementary. "

My own take is that, "Remus enjoys being around people who are aspirational - someone whose life he can live vicariously through (James, teen Sirius, Tonks) or someone he can look up to (Dumbledore). Severus is aspirational in a way that won't speak to Remus."

In canon, from the way I read it, Snape is on backfoot by what he considers is Remus' dishonest civility. He cannot effectively argue with Remus when Remus is polite but inwardly hostile/oppositional - see, here: Verbal Fencing Between Snape and Remus , Neither Likes Nor Dislikes Severus

He tries to avoid Remus the best he can, because one, there is genuine fear there from the teenage brush off of the Whomping Willow incident and he is constantly wary and hypervigilant. My reading of Remus is harsher than a lot of the fandom, but I really don't see a scenario of them getting along. (I'm sure other interpretations may make that feasible, but it's not my vision of who these two characters are)

Also, it's clear to me that Remus, while acknowledging that his friend's behaviour with Snape wasn't great, isn't too fond of him himself. (he will try to lighten how James' behaviour looks - see end of POA, OOTP chapter post SWM). He disapproves of Snape as an authority figure - as demonstrated by the Boggart lesson (Snape's jibe about Neville pissed him off - he raises his eyebrows at him, which in Remus language, is "ticked off"), and the fact that while he agrees with Snape that Harry shouldn't be in Hogsmeade, he will not let Harry be in Snape's power to deal with.

Sirius, on the other hand, as hot take it might be - but as my friend @saintsenara pointed out, Snape enjoys baiting him ("how is the cleaning going?"), engaging with him because Sirius is upfront (the entire kitchen scene). Snape knows how to deal with that kind of language, it's batting in a language he knows, whereas with Remus, he is never sure of what he is getting.

Sirius and Snape are narrative mirrors, explicitly in canon. Sirius and Remus are narrative stand-ins for when James is important for Harry's development, while Snape's story becomes more important when Lily is important to Harry's development:

They have much in common:

- people who lost their best friends and the most damaged by it.

- Sirius punishes himself for James' death by staying in Azkaban for 12 years, Snape atones for his own guilt by being a spy.

- Snape and Sirius both live in their childhood homes, and they both act as prison. For Sirius, it is imposed on him, for Snape - it seems to be self inflicted.

- anger issues, to put it lightly.

- intensely loyal, and very very brave. But great capacity for cruelty.

- Snape spent his teenage years running away from his Muggle roots, Sirius spends his teenage years running away from aristocratic pureblood house

As my co-writer and friend @thedreamermusing pointed out: "Also: Snape has father issues; Sirius has Mommy issues. Their lives run parallel more or less- Sirius and Snape both form a formative best friend friendship in their childhood, are both drawn sorted in their houses in an effort to cement their own family complexes (Snape and his mom, Sirius and his family), both base their identities om the basis of belonging to a community (Snape-DEs, Sirius- Marauders), both form their moral complexes by becoming the opposite of their roots (Snape loves the dark arts and blood supremacy, Sirius hates the dark arts and hangs muggle posters), both have a cruel sense of humour (Snape thinking dark magic is just a laugh, Sirius thinking feeding Remus Snape a la Carte being a joke), both of them joining a group to further themselves away from their roots after school, both of them risking their lives to protect their bestfriends, both of them making a terrible mistake by trusting the wrong person that leads to their best friend dying, both of them punishing themselves for the next 12 years to atone, both of them using the memory of their bffs as the one shining light in their miserable lives to keep going on, both of them forced in their childhood homes in the last part of their lives, both of them finally dying for Harry."

Essentially, they have a capacity for understanding each other in a way because there is an intense projection involved in how they interact with each other. I have answered bits of that dynamic here and how their dialogue flows, where they throw words back at each other whereas the one with Remus involves Remus taking the rug from under his feet. So yeah, basically I don't see it with Severus and Remus - but like I pointed out, the way I envision the two characters might not align with others :)

[fiveht]

This is weird for me to say because I consider myself ace/aro, but I'm obsessed with the dynamic between your Sirius and Remus. Like I'm not living vicariously through Sirius at all, but I'm so happy for him, he deserves to feel safe and loved after everything he's been through. Daddy kink is usually squick for me, and such a huge age gap should make it worse, but it works for them and it never feels creepy or dirty-in-a-bad-way. It's unhealthy how much I have thought about this story.

Hey anon, it doesn't sound weird to me at all, because I also consider myself, for all intents and purposes, aroace. Back in the day I leaned more demi (and even further back in the day I was just an indiscriminate slut), but the older I get, the less I want anything to do with sex and relationships. I love writing filth and romance, but you can miss me with all that shit irl. 😌

[ravenclaw-reblogs]

More headcanons about Sirius being a sex god pls and thank you. Currently living vicariously through Remus’ out of this world experiences with a generous beefcake in bed 😩

I've spoken about Sirius' experience here, and I'm glad to see a lot of people agreed.

I see Sirius as someone incredibly handsome, and as handsome outgoing young men tend to do I see him as someone who sleeps around a bit. Like I said, I see this as perfectly fine and healthy, and he treats everybody with the utmost respect

I see Remus as somebody who is pretty average looks wise, and also very insecure with a lot of self-image issues (hello projection) that would mean he definitely doesn't sleep around. Add to that his scars and his condition, and I think it's pretty safe to assume he hadn't done anything before Sirius. This isn't to say he's a blushing wallflower, quite the opposite, but I just don't think he would have let himself get any actual experience. That kind of contradicts my previous post about Remus' exes being bad in bed, but that was more of a funny smug Sirius shitpost than anything serious.

If we want to go down the route of Sirius making up for Remus' talentless exes, that was kind of inspired by this post and I definitely think Sirius used his imagination when it came to Remus before they got together, so he had something of a mental checklist to work his way down. As for Remus, I think he had a lot of "oh so this is what it should be like" moments thanks to Sirius, who is a very generous lover.

If we're talking about what I was saying with Remus never having been with anyone before Sirius, I think Sirius really made sure to show Remus a hella good time without letting the steep experience gradient create a weird power imbalance. That said, he definitely has a few tricks up his sleeve that made Remus see stars, but he definitely put himself aside and used what he learned back in the day to help Remus discover a side to himself he never believed he could have.

As you can tell, I really enjoy mixing fluff with smut. I definitely think Sirius rocked Remus' world night after night with his previous experience, but I also think there was a deeper meaning that just good sex. To me, Remus is someone who never let himself imagine being loved at all, let alone physically, so Sirius just loving him for him was enough. But Sirius also happens to be a tall beefcake of a sex god, so he enjoys the added bonus of being on the receiving end of every trick in Padfoot's goddamn book and who is he to complain?

And while I think Sirius would be the picture of lewd smugness with every noise he teased out of Moony's mouth, I also think it would be really meaningful for him to give Remus confidence, as well as pleasure, in himself both in bed and every day. I see Sirius' experience as being pretty much limited to non-committal hookups and friends-with-benefits situations, generally without emotions involved. Combining his love for Remus with sex would be something that rocks his world just as much as he rocks Remus'.

[wrapped-up]

WHY HELLO! goodness gracious I was excited to meet Marlene and you didn’t disappoint 🌙🌙🌙🌙

You’ve managed to capture her personality so well in this one chapter and it’s magnificent. I’m loving how the fic is progressing narrative wise and how the three of them intertwine (and I mean.. obviously because they’re best friends but I like how it’s not a case of waiting for the next characters POV to get a glimpse of how they’re doing). I was thinking about lily and how she was getting on and then boombow spanish lessons? horse riding and belly dancing?? marlene unfailingly going along with it to support her in this time of turmoil but also really just absolutely wanting to die is the true essence of a best friend and they made me 💗💗 May I add as well that a) marlene’s hair. YES. and b) remus’s reaction to marlene’s hair (Marlene can tell he’s being genuine because he rarely says so many words in a row, unless he’s particularly fired up about something.) was so goddamn adorable. c) yes he DOES want to pull his hair!! marlene always seems to KNOW!!! #poorgabriel and d) the cat. the cat. the cat.

I was telling my flatmate about this fic (as I do) and when I got to the cat storyline she was like “this is going to be some sort of sapphic love story boost isnt it” and it got me THINKING about how I don’t think that we’ve heard from Dorcas at all? correct me if I’m wrong? anyway we ended up theorising for like 5 minutes and I’m very much excited to see how things progress :) amazing chapter as always friend I am so sorry these are all always so long winded 🤥

Hello my love 🌙

I can't tell you what a treat it is to get such a hefty chunk of feedback and you must never apologise because it very much makes my day!

So so pleased you're enjoying Marlene because she is my absolute favourite, apart from maybe Sirius who is a tough one to beat.

The hair cut is something I fantasise about doing about seven times a day so I'm living vicariously through my girl.

And Remus is a mess, what can I say? It's no fun when he's too.... together!

Dorcas is going to arrive a bit later, and maybe not in the way people might expect. The cat will remain a permanent feature!