#I'll probably make another post about how grateful I am for them but not when I'm gushing about this art

[marshmallowprotection]

[Link]

Happy Birthday, Saeran and Saeyoung! I am losing my mind over this picture because the two of them look so cute together. Saeran is indulging in some strawberry cake, and you know he saved the best part of it for you.

It's his favorite part of the cake, but you're his favorite person in the world, so having you indulge in something he loves makes the kiss that comes afterwards that much sweeter. I will fall for it every time and I will happily do so.

Being with you makes the day feel like it was always meant to. As if his existence was a blessing and never what they wanted him to believe it to be. He knows what it feels like to have peace in his heart because he's faced his Father and survived to see the next day. Seeing you on his birthday shows that wishes can come true even if it takes time to get there, and he would do it all over again if you were always on the other side.

Saeyoung is finally at peace. He looks relaxed, and there is no tension in his shoulders. He doesn't have to look to see if somebody is going to ruin this moment of happiness, he gets to look at the camera and smile. He doesn't have to be afraid anymore, he just gets to live with his brother, and what more could he want?

This is the exact wish he always had on his birthday. Him looking at you with love in his eyes is finally seeing him where he always wanted to be. It's what he talked about on those sleepless nights you spent together trying to find the best way to rescue his brother. Those nights were the reason why he could experience hope again. Seeing you on his birthday makes him grateful for having known you because you helped him break free of an endless cycle of sacrifice.

[blackkatdraws2]

I'm involved in a Stanley Reblog Chain and put effort into these drawings so I'll post them here too.

[The other characters belong to insomniphic / beartitled / and marionette-j2x]

[Just me rambling underneath!] ↓

Tumblr has a tag limit and it grates my nerves to no end to know that I can't ramble as much as I'd like to...

Stanley and the bad bitch he pulled by being a loser. Imagine having a hot babe deform reality just to be together with you because he sensed you were feeling lonely without him. [WHEN IS IT MY TURN?!]

It's funny because with the general vibe of their AU, it would make sense for him to show up in the most flashy but also unnerving way possible. The Narrator's [Black's] arrival has to grab people's eyes since attention and views are what he's all about.

I wasn't sure what type of characterization they had so I just played it safe and [tried to] draw how my characters would respond instead of blindly guessing how the others would talk or act around each other. [My Stanley is antisocial and an anxiety-ridden freak.]

Also, I've been wondering what their height differences actually were when I saw my Stanley have to look up at Marionette's Narrator [since this guy is pretty damn tall] so I did a bit of digging and this was what I found.

I had a lot of fun making this by the way. It's been a while since I've participated in any Reblog Chains that involved character interactions and making comics, so it's a real throwback to when I first started posting TSP art in 2023.

Stanley here is an absolute social shutoff teehee, but he does talk back when talked to. His responses usually leave no openings to continue the conversation though. He's the type of guy to stay on the corner and watch everyone else.

As for the Narrator [Black] he's a bit strange. He's proper in public, but he doesn't think the other people are special [or not as special as he is at least]. He just doesn't care to be honest, he keeps to himself [along with Stanley] and that's it. It's a miracle for Stanley to have even pulled somebody like Black considering their personalities are the type to clash with one another. [They love each other though, genuinely. Despite how deranged they can be towards each other sometimes, that development took a long time to be nurtured into something healthier for those two.]

Also, 4th wall breaking in action!!!!!!!!!!!

Black didn't want to interrupt this comic since it was made for Stanley but after the other three came in he lost reservations and came in as well.

[Copy and Pasting the tags of my other post because I am NOT re-writing all of this...]

These two would probably just stay in their own spot [somewhere quiet and more alone]. This place is a bit too crowded for their liking. But I would be very happy to jump on any opportunity to make my guys interact with the others!!!!! Don't be afraid to throw a bone [prompt] for me to bite on, okay?

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi, i'm fourteen and i have this friend who asked me if i wanted to try eating her out. not a girlfriend, a friend. i don't have any feelings for her but i do think she's gorgeous and she's probably the best friend i have and the most mature 14 year old i know. i trust her a lot. im definitely not opposed to trying to give her head, either. i'm just worried it might be a bad idea, and i'm anxious that i won't do it right and she won't even feel good. i definitely don't want to have sex this early but does giving someone else head even count as real sex? she wouldn't really be touching me at all, except for she did say she'd want us to make out before i did it, though i'm not entirely sure why, but i am okay with it. i'm also worried about, like, STDs, because i've never been with another person like... sexually, i've kissed other people but i haven't in a while. but i think she might have done stuff with people? i don't know how recently. like... i don't know, do you think this is a really bad idea and we're too young or is this fine? how do you even eat someone out, like, what do you do? sorry if this is annoying i just really need an adult to ask about this and it's not like i can ask my parents since i'm not really supposed to do this.

hi anon,

thank you for asking! I'm really grateful to be an adult that you trust enough to talk with about stuff like this. it's not annoying, and I'll do the best I can to give a helpful answer based on everything you've told me.

I think maybe, in your case, this might not be a great idea right now. it sounds like there's a lot about this situation that makes you nervous in a way that's not fun - the kind of nerves that come from being excited to connect with a new person are one thing, but I'm hearing much more anxiety than excitement in the way you're talking about this.

oral sex (using your mouth) definitely counts as real sex - it's definitely not just putting a penis in a vagina! - and can be just as intimate and emotionally complicated as any other kind of sexual expression. you said you don't want to be having sex at your age - which is totally normal, and completely your choice to make! - and that includes oral sex as well, so maybe it's best if you sit this one out for the time being.

I want to be super clear that I'm not saying this out of any sense that no people your age should be sexual; I think wanted sexual exploration between young teens can be a great way to start exploring sexuality and finding what feels good! but that doesn't mean that every teenager has to be having sex, or that they're immature if they don't. people are ready to explore sex at lots of different ages (and some people never do at all), and none of them are weird or wrong. you could feel totally different in ten years, one year, a month, or even a week, but right now you don't feel ready, and what you feel right now is what's most important.

holding off until you've had time to learn more about sex may also help, because every situation is less scary when you feel more prepared. (it's why they make you spend so many godforsaken hours practicing driving before you can take the test to get your license.) in the spirit of learning, I want to share some resources about some of the things you had questions/concerns about.

this page on Planned Parenthood's website talks about lots of different kinds of sexually transmitted infections (STIs, also frequently called sexually transmitted diseases, or STDs), including how they're spread and how to treat them. I don't want to make STIs sound scary - I recently wrote a whole post about how they really shouldn't be! - but because it is important to know what risks there are if you plan to be sexually active so that you can do your best to minimize those risks, and what to do if someone does catch an STI. an important thing to remember is that, at your age, it might be difficult for you or your friend to get tested for STIs without help from your parents, which may be awkward and unpleasant or totally impossible if you're unable to tell them why you need a test in the first place. that's an important factor in deciding whether or not to have sex!

additionally, here's some info about dental dams, which are basically condoms for oral sex - they're a flat piece of latex, like a condom that got rolled out, that goes between the mouth and the hole.

and to help with your question about how going down even works, I recommend this video by sexologist Dr. Lindsey Doe. you won't be seeing any real genitals in this video, although there is a drawing and some nude Barbies, and you'll probably want to listen with headphones unless you're alone. there are also links to more of Dr. Doe's videos on the topic.

and lastly, for more thinking about this topic, I want to direct you to Scarleteen's answer to help figure out when you're ready to start having sex, which is very good on its own and has links to some other good reading on the topic. Scarleteen is a great resource specifically designed and run to help answer teenagers' questions about sex without judgment, and I recommend them very heavily.

I hope that this has been useful, and helps you feel empowered to make whatever decision is best for you.

[accirax]

Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14 Dissection

I can't think of how to introduce this dissection other than just saying "god damn??". This chapter-- especially its second part-- has been a wild ride, and one that it appears we're nearing the end of. However, we still have one important question left to answer, which I'm sure I'll talk about here. So, let's chat.

SPOILERS for Danganronpa: Despair Time Chapter 2 Episode 14.

Also, I will be discussing Ace and Eden as equally likely blackened candidates in this post. If it will upset you to hear about the prospects of either or both of them being the killer, you might want to sit this one out.

Given what happens later in the episode, it's very interesting that the episode began with (more or less) Ace "admitting" that he has no idea how the murder mechanism worked. A truthful method of disqualification, or a masterful play by Ace to ask Teruko to ask him about the murder method only to pretend that he has no idea what it was? Time will have to tell on that one, because I honestly have no leads.

Similarly, is this Eden being genuinely shaken up and not remembering what transpired in the Gym, or trying to play the helpless innocent card to get out of having to help Teruko explain the murder method that she stole? Spoilers for my thoughts later in this dissection, I guess: they're so evenly matched that it's crazy.

I've always thought that Hu is the prettiest DRDT character, and this episode did nothing but prove me right. Hot damn, ma'am.

The insistence that this questioning is "traumatizing [Nico]" makes me think that Hu could be projecting her own experiences on to them. Perhaps she was once an innocent in a situation for which she kept taking the blame? That would be interesting as another connection between Hu and Nico, of both of them having taken the blame for someone else's follies.

This was a hilarious comeback; never change, Ace. Or, maybe you do need to change slightly, to become a less cowardly and impulsive person. Or maybe I should at least be rooting for you to have the chance to change in the sense that you live long enough to have that work out for you.

Yet another instance of J being the one to say that murder is bad. I wonder if this has to do with her character/backstory in some particular way (although given what we know about her past I have no idea what that would be), or if DRDTdev just needed a judgmental and confrontational person who would snap back at anyone to take over these kinds of lines.

(That's not me dunking on J's character btw she's valid for this)

This was a really clever way for Charles to phrase this to make Hu listen and settle down. I appreciate the out-of-the-box yet logical thinking. (Also I missed hearing Charles' voice :,D)

Woah, I was not expecting to get a Closing Argument comic for the Gym murder, but I am obviously delighted that we have one! Also, OH MY GOD, THE CEILING GRATE. How did none of us even think to consider that as part of the murder mechanism?

However, there are still some aspects of the state of the Gym that haven't yet been accounted for with this version of the murder timeline. I don't really think it's anything that would stop Nico from being Ace's would-be killer at this point, but I'll list them out here in case they are or in case they turn out to be relevant to Arei's murder. I'll also be trying to debunk them, though.

Moved Benches: Some of the benches near the pullup bar were knocked over. These probably fell either in some sort of struggle while knocking out Ace, or when Ace's body fell from the fan.

Moved Weight Rack: The weight rack was moved closer to the bench press and flipped on its back. I guess this really was also knocked over in the same fashion, no matter how unrealistically difficult it should have been to move due to its weight? Or it really was "workout preferences"???

Nico's Missing Cowl: When Teruko and Eden found Nico at the scene of the crime, they weren't wearing their typical dark cape thing. I have no clue why. You could say that Nico was trying to look less instantly recognizable, but it's not as if anyone (other than maybe Teruko) who saw a dark-haired 5'5" individual in a blue shirt instead of a gray cowl would think it was anyone other than Nico. There's also ye olde theory that they might have used it to soak up blood somewhere, but 1) Ace seems to have lost less blood than it may have seemed, and 2) the cowl was still not seen anywhere in the crime scene. I think I remember speculating that after Nico hypothetically used it to soak up blood (or, on second thought, maybe used it to gag Ace with the turpentine), they then stuck it in the fridge to hide it for the time being, at which point MonoTV discarded it and Nico got a new cape from their room. Maybe if it was used to apply the turpentine, Nico also could've put it away to prevent themselves from being affected by the fumes? I guess that's what I'm going with.

Lack of Tape on Pullup Bar: So, this one is obviously relevant to the murder already because Rose not being able to do a pullup is part of what tips off Teruko to the fact that something is off with the tape. However, I have no idea why the tape actually got removed from the bar. I still maintain that I don't think anyone could have stolen the tape off of that bar and repurposed it elsewhere-- most online sources seem to agree that kinesiology tape isn't reusable, and the fact that it was already wrapped around the bar in such a tight spiral would make it difficult to conform to any new specific shapes. My best guess is that Nico might have tried to use the bar instead of the light grate at first, determined that the tape was preventing the wire from sliding properly, and then removed the tape before determining the bar still didn't work. Or, Nico could have tried using the bar before settling on the broom, and thinking that it wouldn't work with tape on it... for some reason? Kinda scratching my head here.

I wonder how long ago it was. It's been four days since the Chapter 2 motive was revealed, although Ace was attacked only two days after the motive. Furthermore, Ace had started bullying Nico to some level already by the end of Chapter 1. I'm sure that Nico must have known what their secret was and probably didn't want it to be shared. My guess would be that they probably started cooking on murder pretty shortly after the new motive was released. That would also work with Charles-via-Whit letting everyone know what the custom weapons were in the first Class Trial.

This was the perfect response for Nico's character. They don't understand why an untruthful "sorry" would actually serve as a courtesy for most people, so they try to say what they feel and get ostracized for it.

Gotta say though, Ace, that was a pretty aggressive reaction from someone who said he "didn't need other people to tell him lies just to keep him happy" ;) (/j)

Damn, way to throw Levi under the bus. I can see why, for someone like Nico, they would want to assert themselves as not the most abnormal person here, though. I just want them to be neurodivergent buddies :(

If that's the case, then I'd have to imagine that we won't be seeing Nico as a killer again down the line. However, they could also just mean "getting caught"/"going in without a solid gameplan," so it's still possible we will. There's also the possibility of them doing something more like a sacrifice kill, although it would take a lot of character work to make something like that feel within Nico's nature.

Sorry to keep screenshotting every little thing Nico says but they keep saying really interesting things. The fact that Nico specifically mentions their father as opposed to "parents" or "family" makes me think that we'll hear more about their father specifically sometime in the future. Or, who knows, maybe their other parent left or died.

Nico: I don't expect you to forgive me. Very few people ever do. So I don't see the point in acting sorry.

This was very interesting as an addendum to the above screenshot. What exactly did Nico "ask for" forgiveness for in the past? Was it just more social blunders, as they described in ch2-e2, or did they get into more trouble closer to this level than we realized? It could also be an indication that Nico has spent time with people who believe that being nonbinary is a crime that Nico needs to feel sorry for. Fascinating stuff, indeed.

Points for Ace being the killer. We know that he went into this trial looking to suspect Nico ("[...] I'm pretty sure I know who the murderer is. It's not David, it's Nico"), so if Ace is the killer, it would make sense if he'd want to make the crime scene resemble Nico's to make his bait more credible.

Hey, it's the aforementioned T A P E T I M E, motherfuckers :D (still /j) Personally, it's quite gratifying to hear that it wasn't just a visual malfunction or a minor detail blown way out of proportion.

You're, uh... getting to this point much faster than I expected, queen. I don't think she's now going to go down the exact same distrustful rabbit hole that she was in before, but there's definitely still potential for her hopes to be crushed by the end of this chapter. Or, maybe she will accept some people as genuine friends, and instead in the future have to confront how she feels when she loses a genuine friend, or not blaming herself for the effects of her luck, or something along those lines. I like that Teruko isn't a static edgy protagonist, though. Like, don't get me wrong, I've always known and appreciated that she has depth, but it's refreshing that she isn't someone who's so stubborn about her own way of thinking that she refuses to admit when she's in the wrong. Teruko really wants friends, guys.

TERUROSE REAL??????

(Also Rose's speech was excellent as well I just didn't have anything in particular to say about it other than "wow" at the moment)

Yahoo, lockdown logic strikes again! Also, a quick

Is Teruko Correct In This Assumption?

Personally, I fully think yes, only Ace or Eden could be the culprit at this point. MonoTV confirmed that it tried to restore the Gym to the best of its ability but couldn't return the tape, which means both that there was no tape in the Gym to be taken and that there was never any spare tape in the Storage Room that MonoTV could have used to replace the roll. I guess you could say that there was an extra roll of tape in the Storage Room that someone else took before the murder took place, but that level of coincidence seems implausible at this point in the Trial.

No, for anyone other than Eden or Ace to have acquired the tape, they must have either stolen it from one of those two or asked for it from one of those two. Asking them seems very unlikely-- for starters, if it was Ace who took the tape, I don't think he'd be giving free hand-outs to anyone. And, if Eden isn't the killer herself, that means all of her fright regarding stumbling upon Ace's body was genuine. I don't think she's naive enough to then hand over what was used in Ace's murder to anyone asking... or at least not without bringing it up now. Beyond that, anyone who would ask either of them for the tape would have to know that the tape was used in the murder attempt, knowledge of which was very limited. This episode went to lengths to establish that Nico was the sole culprit behind the attack on Ace, and while it's still possible it could all be an elaborate lie, the explanation Nico gave felt very in character and important for their characterization moving forwards. So, while Nico would obviously know it was used, if Nico asked either of them for the tape, surely neither Eden nor Ace would trust them. Otherwise, I think Rose is the only one who could have found out it was gone, but even so, given that neither Eden nor Ace have tried to argue that Rose asked them for the tape, I don't think that happened.

You could also say the same of neither Eden nor Ace claiming to have had the tape stolen from them-- but I could see either of them feeling like claiming to have taken the tape at all right now would be a death sentence, so I understand why they wouldn't say it. Still, I don't know if the narrative is there to support the tape having been stolen from them. On the day after the Gym murder (Day 7), Eden isn't seen in the daily life at all. If someone stole the tape from Eden on that day, I would think that DRDTdev would at least want to show us who Eden was spending time with on that day (given that he put in the effort to make the tape sprite disappear from the Gym at the time it did), so that we would have any idea who might have done so. Ace is seen once in the Day 7 daily life, arguing with Hu, Nico, Levi, Veronika, and Arei. However, having just been attacked, I imagine he'd be hyper-aware of anyone getting close to him, and therefore would be more likely to notice if someone was rifling around in his pockets (if he has pockets?).

Really, I think the only possible candidates for who could have stolen tape from Ace or Eden would be Levi (mostly just for Ace) and Arei (from either of them). Levi might have had an opportunity to take the tape from Ace on the night he was attacked, the night of Day 6. Eden said last episode that Levi "kept trying to help him" after Ace was attacked, which could imply that Levi was the one to put bandages around Ace's neck. Furthermore, he does have a criminal past, which could make him better at stealing. Similarly, Arei is confirmed to be a good pickpocket, stealing Min's pen without Min noticing at all. I think she's the only one with the proper buildup to have taken the tape from Ace at that breakfast, and would be the most likely to have spent time with Eden when Eden was off-screen. (Although, it would have to have been before lunch, because Eden says the last time she saw Arei was at lunch.)

However, I don't think many people think that Levi is the killer anymore, and if Arei stole the tape from Eden or Ace only for the killer to then steal the tape from Arei, I would start to wonder why DRDTdev even made the tape such a scarce resource in the first place. Remember that, if the killer was purposefully trying to recreate Nico's idea, they likely knew in advance that they would need the tape to pull off their plan. It was used in enough places that seizing the opportunity to take it off of Arei seems unlikely, as it was too fundamental to the plan's inception. Besides, for the killer to replicate Nico's plan in the first place, the killer likely needs to be Nico, Eden, Ace, or Teruko, who are the ones who could have most easily taken the tape on their own.

I've already seen people accuse this Trial of being bloated, and while I strongly disagree (I only think cases are bloated when they're stalling for time and have nothing of interest to discuss, and we've still had PLENTY of interesting stuff to discuss), if we spent a whole 'nother who-knows-how-many episodes reversing all of the progress we just made to say that either Nico wasn't actually the one to kill Ace or that someone who didn't see the crime scene killed Arei, that bloating problem would only seem worse to those people.

I understand if you don't want to believe that Eden or Ace has to be the culprit for whatever reasons-- whether that be that they're your favorites and you don't want them to die or you really like your theory and don't want it to be false-- but I really think that this episode cemented that either Ace or Eden will be voted for as the blackened for all of the reasons above. Therefore, I shall be proceeding accordingly.

She was WILD for this. Hilarious line of reasoning.

What's Up With the Body Discovery Announcement?

The "reveal" of this line of logic was no surprise to me. As someone who's believed that Eden is the culprit for quite a long time, we've had to figure out ways to get around this thing before, and besides perhaps "not witnessing the murder," someone else seeing the body before the BDA rang is the most obvious way to cheese it.

However, in order for this to be a thing, we have to ask ourselves-- who would have actually seen the body first?

David claims to, but he has an alibi starting at 7:30 AM with Veronika and J. Both because Arei theoretically wasn't dead before then and because we've been operating off of the assumption that a meal takes about 30 minutes to eat, I don't think any of the three of them could have stumbled across Arei in the morning. Nico and Hu both have an alibi, which I'm going to consider solid enough to remove them from possibility-- one of them spotting the body would be helpful to make Eden the killer, and I think the only people who believe that Hu and Nico are lying only believe so under the condition that one of them is the killer. Whit is out, because him seeing the body beforehand doesn't actually accomplish anything, and so is Charles, because we can assume that, if he saw the body, he would be out of commission. I'm also going to strike Rose from seeing the body before breakfast, both because she's very likely to have been asleep and because if she had already seen Arei's body in the Playground, she probably wouldn't have refused to draw a diagram. That would leave only Ace, Levi, and Arturo as non-blackeneds who could have helped facilitate culprit!Eden from not being caught by the BDA.

However, we also have to consider that "before 8 AM" isn't the only time someone could have stumbled across Arei's body. They also could have seen it before Teruko, Eden, and Whit did while everyone was looking for Arei. So, what do we know about what happened during the search for Arei? Not much. Hu says that they should split up, while J says she's going to check Arei's room. Teruko says that most people are probably searching the first floor, an assumption that's supported by Teruko, Eden, and Whit not seeing anyone else while they check the second floor. You might think that would eliminate the possibility of anyone else seeing Arei's body during the search, but Teruko did say most people, not all. There's also what MonoTV said when Teruko and Veronika were investigating the Gym.

MonoTV: It's too high! If you stood in the movie screening room on floor one and started punching through the walls, you'd fall into the playground.

This not-yet-addressed piece of evidence got me thinking about the possibility of someone seeing Arei's body from above, standing in the Motive Screening Room. It still probably couldn't be Teruko, Whit, Charles, Rose, or J, but anyone else would theoretically be back on the table if that were the case. That being said, I can't find any visual differences in how the Motive Screening Room looks between the beginning of Chapter 2, when the search for Arei begins, and when Teruko goes to check the motive secrets (other than a curtain being added over the screen in the third case). So, unless there was already a heretofore unmentioned hole to peek through in the room, I wouldn't count on that being the case. The connection between the Motive Screening Room and the Playground will probably just be relevant to a different chapter.

Therefore, that leaves us once again with Ace, Levi, and Arturo. The main problem with believing that any of them could have seen the body beforehand is why they wouldn't have brought that up at this point in the Trial. Here are my best guesses as to why:

Ace: I have genuinely no clue why Ace wouldn't have brought up that he saw the body in the morning (assuming that he actually did) to defend himself at this point. It's not like it would make anyone more suspicious of you.

Levi: Levi does seem to be a bit dense regarding what is and isn't helpful behavior in a Trial, so the most likely possibility to me is that he just didn't realize that confirming he saw her was helpful. Like, "oh, I didn't realize that me confirming that I saw Arei would help us pin down Eden as the killer. I was just trying to figure out how David and I both saw Arei's body this morning and I didn't see him." "Wh-- David was obviously lying!" "He was?" "I already told you he was lying before..." "Levi... we talked about this..." Bonus points for it not being out of character for Levi to be unfazed by seeing a body, though.

Arturo: In Arturo's case, I think it would have to be that he'd still be worried about people seeing him as suspicious for saying he found Arei's body in the case of accusing Eden specifically. They already have a past history of conflict, and I could see someone brashly accusing Arturo of throwing Eden under the bus just to get revenge on her for the secret thing (even if I don't think he would actually do that). He also made an enemy out of Arei, so I don't think he would be particularly fazed by seeing her corpse either-- similarities to Felicity's cause of death notwithstanding. However, I also find it likely that he trailed after J in going to check Arei's room.

So, what's our conclusion here? Does this mean that Eden is basically fully cleared by triggering the BDA? I wouldn't count her out just yet, but the evidence isn't looking great for her. It's quite possible David only brought up this argument to A) hold out suspension of disbelief that it's not just Ace for a little while longer, B) drop this logic as foreshadowing for a future killer's plan, C) characterize the kind of logic he uses in a Class Trial, or D) bring up this argument in canon so that the people who theorized that the BDA might not clear Eden or Whit wouldn't be like, "wait, but what about...?" However, it's also possible that one of the possibilities I listed above, something I might have missed, or the "see no evil" idea (as FF put it) could keep Eden in contention. That dynamism is part of what makes Ace and Eden feel so evenly matched.

See, this is what I assumed David was getting at after Nico reminded me of his early-morning alibi. But then he just kept talking...

I'm not going to delve into what David was thinking here too much, because I already have an anonymous ask about what I think David's rationale was that this will almost certainly come up in. However, as a short version, I imagine that David is trying to get everyone angry at each other in the hopes that it'll incite another murder that he can get the class to fail? Or to cause enough discord in the group that they just fail this one. That would be why he also rags on Rose for not remembering the tape, and insults Arturo's sister-- he wants no one to trust anyone so that the murder-solving process will be as un-streamlined as possible.

The fact that he targets Teruko so specifically is probably because he (accurately) assesses her as the only real threat there. Charles and Rose can help, sure, but their mental struggles make them easy enough to eliminate if you play your cards right. Teruko's main flaw is her lack of trust, so if David wants to weaken her, it makes sense to go right for that jugular. Furthermore, by stating his plans so plainly and publicly, it might incite other people to fight back against him and say that Teruko should trust them. However, that kind of olive branch might make Teruko even less inclined to get close to them, if what Teruko said to Eden at the end of ch2-e03 can tell us anything. Didn't stop Eden from trying at the end of this last episode, though!

After taking some more time to think about what David was up to this chapter, I might change my mind on those being his goals. But, this post does serve as my initial thoughts of sorts, and that's what I initially think about this scene.

I wholeheartedly agree.

Does Ace Have Nothing To Do With Arei?

What Ace has to say is more or less true-- barring the breakfast in which Arei didn't talk at all (AKA, no conversation), Ace has literally never been in a small group event with Arei. However, although they didn't talk to each other, Ace did overhear the conversation between David and Arei, which does give him a connection to Arei. Quite relevantly, Arei did say this to David during their conversation:

Arei: You said that sharing our secrets would help fight against the motive. But when I think about it, not a single good thing has come out of that. Eden was stupidly naive, as usual, and tried to talk to Arturo, so now I have to protect her.

From this, Ace could probably surmise that Eden had Arturo's secret, she talked to him about it, and that Arei stepped in to save her from Arturo. He was one of the few people who could have known that Eden and Arei grew closer before the murder occurred: another connection Ace had to information about Arei.

However, before you use that evidence to call Ace the killer, let me remind you that he still doesn't have enough information to write the note from just eavesdropping on this conversation alone. As I outlined in this theory (same as the one I just linked above), whoever wrote the note had to specifically know that Arturo's secret was about his sister, which Arei doesn't divulge (quite possibly because she didn't even know) to David. Therefore, although Arei mentioning Arturo and Eden in this conversation is interesting, it doesn't actually make Ace any more likely to be the killer, because he still would have needed to find some way to spy on Eden's secret and/or Arturo and Eden's conversation to write that note. (Unless mentioning the sister specifically was an oversight plot hole, but I never want to use that as my reasoning.)

So, do I get what Arturo is getting at? Yeah, Ace and Arei were never particularly involved, and Eden clearly has a greater connection to the victim. However, there is more to the Ace/Arei bond than it might first appear, and it's possible that could come up in the Trial moving forward.

This distinction-- between "Arei was my friend" and "Arei could have been my friend"-- could be very telling down the line. Eden pauses mid-tear-filled rant to distinguish that Arei is not her friend, not because she's dead, but because they hadn't reached that point yet. Arei is not Eden's friend in death. What can that possibly mean other than that Eden killed Arei?

... BUT THEN HOW THE FUCK CAN EDEN GO AND SAY ALL OF THIS, BE THE KILLER, AND THEREFORE PROVE DAVID RIGHT???

AND THE "BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO" REFERENCE??? AT THIS HOUR????? I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THAT MAKES HER SEEM MORE OR LESS SUSPICIOUS!!!!

OUGH AND THE MIN PARALLELS TOOOOOOO

MIN WAS TERUKO'S FRIEND BUT ALSO A KILLER. DOES THAT MEAN EDEN IS GOING TO BREAK THE CYCLE OR DOES IT MEAN THAT WE'RE STUCK IN A DOOMED STORY IN WHICH TERUKO IS THE PROTAGONIST? IT COULD GO EITHER WAY!!!

Jumping back in time for just a moment...

A Piece of Evidence That Lines Up to Them Only

I thought about making this its own separate post, but decided not to. If you guys want me to make this part it's own separate post so it's easier to find/comment on directly, let me know, and I'll set that up.

But before you can make your decision, I suppose I have to explain what I aim to do here. Basically, Teruko has told us that she's still torn between Eden and Ace (mood), and that, while she'll start off attacking Ace, she's looking for any pieces of evidence that could prove that only one of them could have committed the crime. Problem is, we have no indication of what that specific piece of evidence could be, and, trust me, it could be a lot of them. Thus, what I'm going to do in this "mini" theory is list out every piece of evidence that I can think of, and say whether it points to Eden being the culprit, Ace being the culprit, or it can't point to either of them. Perhaps once we're done, you'll see why I'm so conflicted on which of them it would be.

I'm going to tier these pieces of evidence in terms of least likely to be the missing piece to most likely to be the missing piece, starting with all of the aforementioned unexplained gym evidence. The knocked over benches and weight rack were not part of the replicated crime scene, and I have no idea how Ace or Eden would have wound up with any version of Nico's cowl. The missing tape on the pull-up bar has the greatest likelihood to be relevant, but as we're already suspecting both of them for having the tape, I don't think it'd be a decision maker. Any of those pieces of evidence would be likely to come up in proving that Nico wasn't the one behind Ace's murder, but this theory is operating under the assumption that Nico is the one who tried to kill Ace, and either Ace or Eden killed Arei. If you want the answers for your own theory, do your own homework. (/lh)

Ace or Eden will get a point for any evidence that I think would better be used to accuse them as being the culprit. Therefore, winning points is actually a bad thing if you want to be innocent. For convenience of "scoring," Eden will be purple because of her shirt and Ace will be pink because of his "maroon" hair... and because I needed red and orange for the likelihood ranking.

UNLIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Arei's Body Swinging: This evidence has already been used to establish that Arei was killed in the morning, not at night. Either Ace or Eden could have killed Arei at 7:30 AM, so point to neither of them.

Ace Trying to Assign Himself to Guard Duty: This one is obviously a point for Ace if it were the final piece, but it's such a minor happenstance that I doubt Teruko would think to bring it up as the main thing against him. Like, she could bring it up in general, but I don't think it'd be her crowning jewel. Still, it's a piece of evidence we haven't discussed yet, so credit where credit is due.

Arei's Bound Wrists: Bound by the grippy tape that either of them could have stolen. Point to no one.

Broken Playground Lights: The lights in the Playground are broken, likely from the mechanism being hung up through the ceiling rafters. You could argue that this is a point for Ace's strength, but I don't think throwing a ball that high requires so much strength that Eden couldn't do it, especially if you might be able to use the see-saw to launch it somehow. Point to no one.

Dried Up Puddles: This has nothing to do with either of them. Point to no one.

Carousel Wrapped in Tape: Again, either could have had the tape, so point to no one.

Two Pieces of Rope: Either of them could have taken the rope from Storage and cut it; point to no one.

Food/Utensils/Napkins in Trash: Probably David's dinner. Possibly evidence of Eden and Arei having breakfast together, but that's a stretch. Point to no one.

Cups/Tissues/Palette in Trash: Rose says these were hers. Point to no one.

Incense in Trash: I know thebadjoe had (has?) theories about this being used to conceal the scent of Arei's body being hidden in the Relaxation Room a day earlier than anyone thought, but I find that to be too much of a stretch to accost Eden for it here. I think it's just filler. Point to no one.

Grippy Tape in Trash: I should just stop writing out tape evidence. Point to no one.

Broken Jugs: The killer used jugs of water to make Arei heavier, which broke when she fell. They probably had the fish water in them, but we're not talking about the fish themselves at the moment. I'll say point for Ace because the jugs are probably from the Gym, and we've seen Ace in the Gym far more times than we've seen Eden.

Needle and Black Thread: This evidence... might have to do with the ball of clothes, which we'll get to later. However, if this is relevant to the murder, it's probably from the Dress-Up Room, in which we've seen Eden but never Ace. Point to Eden.

Construction of the Note: After a bit of internal debate, I'm going to call this a point for no one. Why? Well, it's because Eden would have reason to help construct the note whether she was the killer or not. If she is the killer, she might have wanted to guide the discussion that followed its reconstruction, to urge to Rose and Whit that she's innocent and that someone must have framed her. It would also give her reason to come into the Trial already having a handwriting sample on her. However, if Eden is innocent, she also easily could have just wanted to help out. Most importantly, Eden already brought up the note being constructed in her initial defense, so I doubt Teruko would reuse it as the nail in someone's coffin.

Splashing Arei With Water: Either of them could have thought of this and accomplished this. Point to no one.

SOMEWHAT LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Body Discovery Announcement: While this may very well play an important part in solving the case, I don't think it'll be the final smash, so to speak. That's mostly because we already talked about it a lot in determining whether Eden could have done it. In the end, I think we'll either have to come up with a way to justify Eden having cheated the BDA-- by Levi or Arturo having seen it or via see no evil-- or we'll accuse Ace without the BDA being a problem. I guess I have to call this a point for Eden because if the BDA were to be the damning evidence, I think it'd have to be for her. However, in my heart, this is totally evidence supporting Ace being the killer.

Arei's Broken Neck: I'm using this as a stand-in for the strength of the killer, in the sense of lifting Arei up and being able to stop the carousel. This is a point for Ace, because he's a professional athlete and Eden is generally the weakest person in the cast.

Scratches on the Ground: This evidence certainly seems to indicate that there was a struggle at the Playground, but is there anything more to it than that? I'm more willing to believe that Ace could have beaten Arei in a fight, but does that point to Eden because there would've been more of a struggle, or Ace because Eden wouldn't have wanted to fight Arei at all? Ace also normally wears heels (while Eden and Arei don't), which is what Hu cites will naturally scratch up the floor. This evidence is vague enough that I don't think it'll be used to point to either of them, but if it did, I think it's more likely to be Ace.

Ball of Starched Clothes: For starters, I'll share (I think it's) thebadjoe's theory that the ball was adhered together using starch from the Relaxation Room that's sprayed on the plants at night, because I saw some people questioning how the clothes could have been stuck together. Anyways, the ball of clothes itself is definitely a point for Eden, because we saw her in the Dress-Up Room specifically looking for Teruko's clothes. Although, Ace certainly saw Teruko and Hu's new fits, so he could have figured it out for himself.

Actual Acquisition of the Tape: I don't think this will be used as the final piece just because I feel like the narrative is pointing towards the damning evidence relating to Arei's actual murder as opposed to Nico's. However, it's relevant to discuss, so I'll list it here. Although Teruko says that Ace and Eden had equal odds at the tape, on the surface, it really makes much more sense if Eden was the one to take it. Star explained it well here, but I'll add my own recap: in the moments when the tape must have been taken, in between when Nico leaves and when MonoTV kicks everyone out, Ace is recovering from unconsciousness, covered in blood, full of rage, and has all eyes on him. Meanwhile, Eden is scared, sure, but she had a clear moment to actually examine the scene of the crime and is also knocked to the ground-- potentially right next to the tape-- with all her wits about her. While it's not impossible to believe that Ace sleight-of-handed the tape, Eden had a much clearer path to taking it. Point to Eden.

MOST LIKELY FINAL PIECES OF EVIDENCE

Arei's Missing Glove: To my memory, Arei's glove hasn't been brought up in the Trial at all, which is definitely strange, because it must be missing for a reason. If DRDTdev is crafting so much detail into the BDA that the swinging of the body is plot-relevant, there's no way he would have just missed giving Arei her glove. The question is, what was this used for? Those who are familiar with my theories should know that I've never been a fan of dress-up theories, so I'm going to discount that possibility. The thing I thought was the most likely was that the killer donned the glove so that their hands wouldn't get super scratched up from grabbing the grippy tape-d carousel bars, before gleamingtempest reminded everyone that both Eden and Ace already wear gloves. Still, looking at them, Eden's gloves are probably made of something more like cotton while Ace's gloves likely have some sort of tougher grip on the inside. So, Eden would probably be more likely to need something else to protect her hands. Also, given that both of Arei's wrists have marks on them, the glove was likely taken off before her wrists were tied. I can't figure out why Ace would have taken off Arei's glove before restraining her or how he would have gotten Arei to take it off otherwise, while for Eden, at least, I can imagine her asking Arei to take off her glove. Therefore, I'm going to call this one a point for Eden, while also throwing out that it might just be missing if Arei didn't bother putting on her glove for the early morning meetup.

Fish on the Playground: You've heard it from me before, Eden has an alibi through the entire time the fish could have been taken. With seemingly no accomplices (other than possibly Arei) in sight, I don't know how Eden would have gotten her hands on those fish. Meanwhile, Ace had a great opportunity. Point for Ace.

Pieced-Together Note: This evidence is very confusing, because I don't see how/why either of them would have implemented it. For Ace, I wrote that entire theory (I'm not going to link it a third time) about how, based on the information in the note and the layout of the first floor, it really seemed like eavesdropping was impossible, and the person who wrote the note had to be Arturo or Eden. Then there's what thefandomenchantress pointed out about Ace's pedantry making it seem like he wouldn't misspell "responsible" in the note, and that he just doesn't give me the vibes of someone who writes in cursive. By all accounts, it really seems like Ace can't have written that note. But then again, why would Eden have written that note? Okay, bad phrasing; she wrote it to get Arei to come to the Playground. But still, why would she sign it? Or if she were to sign it, to make sure that Arei knew it was her, why include so much detail about what Arturo's secret was? More importantly, why wouldn't Eden have just stuffed the ripped up note into her belt, or her pockets, or her room if it would serve to incriminate her? Put it wherever she put that glove! Hell, why not eat the note, if it's a life or death situation? There's the "reverse psychology" argument, but similar to what Teruko said this episode, it would have been much simpler for Eden to have pretended that Arei came to the Playground for some other reason without the killer planting some sort of note meant to frame her. And it's not like I think Eden is really the type to misspell "responsible" either. So, I'm kind of at a loss. It's such a major piece of evidence that I feel it has to come into play again somehow, but I'm not sure how. I think I'm going to call this one a point for Ace because at the very least I understand why he would want to leave this evidence here, even if I don't know how he created it. For Eden, I don't get why she'd leave it lying around, even if in pieces. You can call it revenge for Eden getting the point on the BDA, if you wish.

So, what are the results? If you add up all the points together, you wind up with 6 points for Ace and 6 points for Eden. Funny. If you tier the points, however, with 1 point for unlikely pieces, 2 points for somewhat likely pieces, and 3 points for the most likely pieces, you get 12 points for Ace and 10 points for Eden. Of course, that's using my tierlist of which pieces of evidence are most likely and on top of that, assigning the BDA and the Note the way that they are (if you flip them it's 11-11), but still. If you're invested in my findings, these are the results.

Needless to say, I hope you can understand why I'm having such a hard time determining which one of them will turn out to be the killer. Although, I must add...

If we're suspecting Ace first before we've done our Debate Scrum, that's not a good look for Eden never being suspected again in this Trial.

Concluding Thoughts

What? A conclusion? I've never done one of these on a dissection before?!!

Yeah, well, this time, I have stuff to say that I couldn't really correlate to one image in particular! And also I ran out of images, so this is what you get!!!

I spent that whole "A Piece of Evidence" section talking about the physical evidence that could support Ace or Eden being Arei's killer, but in it, I really didn't get to talk about the narrative implications of either of them being the killer at all. I know that Narrative Defenses are typically Venus' thing, but I have my thoughts on this, too. Namely, that both of them are riddled with narrative problems for being the killer at this point.

(Note: I don't mean "problems" in the sense that DRDTdev has written anything poorly. What I mean is, my own perception of how the characters are conveyed has me currently raising red flags about how either of their stories will pan out as a killer or how the rest of the story will pan out without them. At the time the answer comes, I have full faith that I'll be satisfied with the results.)

Let's start by looking at Eden, the spotlight character of the end of this episode. After that whole heartfelt speech with the CGs and the tears and the brilliant voice acting and the everything, how could Eden possibly be the killer?! I'm the one who was trying to defend the possibility of her still being the culprit after her little rant last week, and while I could probably do that again with this speech, it just felt so... I dunno, sincere. You can really feel Teruko's reluctance to put her faith in Eden, but her choice to do it anyways. Teruko already showed signs of growth this episode by admitting that she can't always solve mysteries by herself, so could that be a sign that she might come around on the group faster than we initially anticipated? If Eden was the killer, it would crush Teruko so hard. Is there any recovering from that? Can we really prove David right?

On the other hand, Ace is, quite possibly, one of the most intertwined members of the cast. He's probably Levi and Nico's #1 correspondent, and he's up there for Hu as well-- assuming they both survive the chapter, I'm sure their animosity towards each other will only grow in Chapter 3. With Ace just having given up on Levi, having just been the target of Nico's battery and Hu's verbal lashes, can the story really work without him in it at this point? Eden hardly has connections with anyone other than Teruko-- Hu's probably next, but Eden probably ranks, like, fourth on her list after Nico, Ace, and David-- which should make her more expendable. Is it really Ace's time already?

However, despite my complaints, I also think that both of them could be really good options as the killer here-- the two options I prefer over anybody else.

Eden is the character who's most connected with Arei. She plays into the chapter themes of being a good person beautifully. She's a good person, a tragic figure, that killed not because she wanted anybody dead, but presumably because she had something back at home that she had to get back to at all costs. Killing her off would break Teruko-- would break everyone. With the reveal of everyone's secrets, next chapter is going to be a living hell, so why not make that hell worse by removing the biggest conflict de-escalator here? It would force other people to step up to bat. It would give everyone a chance to change, what Eden wanted for Arei most of all. Eden's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that even the "most good" people can do the unspeakable.

Meanwhile, Ace has perhaps the most obvious reason to kill someone: he literally almost fucking died himself. Ace's execution would be a reminder of the physical reality of the killing game. That actions have consequences. Even if the guy who started all those fights is dead and gone, you can still feel his presence lingering in the arguments between the others. The guy you underestimated most of all-- not for being kind, but for being dumb-- can send you into a multi-hour spiral in which you accuse even the sweetest of participants. Ace's development isn't an arc, per say, but a fall-- a reminder that reveling in your own distrust and anger might lead you to do the unspeakable.

For someone who's spent so long believing that Eden is the culprit of the chapter, it's really amazing how down-to-the-wire DRDTdev has made the end of the case, where either option feels so believable that it's like you can picture the rope in their hands. Whether my theories, old or new, were right or wrong, I am highly looking forward to watching next week's episode and discussing it with you all. See you on Friday-- just try not to freak out too much before then, alright? (/aff)

[that-basic-simp]

Girl With The Wave Tattoo PT. II

A/N: I sincerely and deeply apologize for not getting this out sooner. Tumblr did not notify me that a couple people commented asking for a second part to this. It was only recently that I saw that part two was requested. To those who requested this, I am so sorry for making you wait this long! Mizu X Fem!Reader CW: Deep conversations about trauma and dark/intrusive thoughts WC: 1.0k+

"Hey, Mizu!" I smiled, waving to her.

"Hey, Y/N," she smiled.

"Tea again?"

"You know it," she said, pulling out her wallet.

"I got it," I said.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes, I am sure. I know you've been working hard."

She smiled, shaking her head, "I take it Ise told you?"

"Yes. And the social media posts of your recent tattoos lately."

"Business has been booming. I am grateful."

"I take it you're stressed, though."

"Very much am," she let out a sigh. "Oh, before I forget."

"Yeah?"

"You free tonight?"

"M-Me?"

"Yes, you," she chuckled.

"I-I," I found my friend and Ise were standing around the corner, vigorously nodding their heads. "I'm not doing anything tonight."

"Great. I'll meet you here, then?"

"Y-Yeah," I said, finishing up making her tea.

"See you then," she smiled, taking the cup from my hand.

Our fingers brushed over one another's as she grabbed it, heading out of the little cafe. She waved to my friend and Ise before heading out. I stood there, my mouth wide open and my eyes blinked rapidly. My friend came over and hugged me from the side.

"Look at you! Wooing Mizu like that."

"I-I didn't do anything. I-I just treated her with kindness and respected her as a person."

"And those are qualities you don't find a lot these days," Ise said.

"Yes, I remember the story you told me."

"And also, from what I heard from my friend, Mizu is not the easiest person to like. And she struggles to find people to talk to," Ise said.

"I can see why," I said.

"But this is good!" my friend said. "I know how much you've been wanting to date someone."

"I-I'm not sure I want to date Mizu. I mean, she seems nice and all and I do find her attractive, but I-I don't know."

"Just let things happen, Y/N," my friend said. "You don't have to force yourself to like someone if you don't feel like you do."

"Thanks," I said.

"We should also probably get back to work," my friend eyed the line that was starting to gather behind us.

"Oh shit," I said and turned towards the register as my friend and Ise were getting things prepared.

After we closed the cafe, I was walking out right when Mizu was walking towards the building.

"We'll see you later, Y/N," Ise and my friend said.

"Later," I said to them before turning to Mizu.

"H-Hey, Mizu."

"Hey, Y/N," she smiled. "You ready?"

"Where are we going to go?"

"I found an awesome place to show you," she said and walked off towards the outskirts of the city.

We got onto a train that led to the outer parts, where not many people lived and it would be a long hike to reach the next town over. The train stopped and Mizu got up. I followed her off the train and into the woods. The sun was starting to set and it was getting chilly. My work uniform wasn't enough to keep me warm, since I was wearing a short sleeve shirt and jeans.

"Here," Mizu said and wrapped her jacket around me.

"Thank you," I said. "W-What is here? And how did you find this place?"

"I remember a friend of mine, Ringo, told me about this place. How it's mostly woods and it's far enough from the city to where I won't get lost, but also far from the next town over. I came here one evening and started wandering around, trying to find a calm and quiet spot. Then I stumbled upon this," she pulled back some foliage and there was a large cliff ahead of us.

I stepped out of the woods and she followed behind me. I noticed she was wearing a white tank top and shorts with tennis shoes.

"How are you not cold?" I asked.

She chuckled, "The tattoo shop I work in is either freezing or boiling hot. The HVAC needs to be repaired and we're struggling right now to get it fixed. I've been working a lot more hours so that I can use what I get to help pay for the repairs. Don't worry, it's not just me who is doing that. Everyone is chipping in."

"I was gonna say," I said.

"It's the only place I will be a good person to, along with you, Ise, and your friend at the cafe."

"I don't blame you," I said.

"Come, let's sit."

We walked towards the edge of the cliff and sat down, our legs swinging in the air.

"After everything you've been through, I don't blame you for not being nice to those who aren't deserving of it."

"I should be nicer to people. They're just trying to get by and here I am, traumatized from my past."

"The healing process is a long and perilous journey."

"It truly is. I-I don't think I will ever heal."

"I know people say time heals all wounds."

"It's bullshit."

"Time heals the physical wounds, not the mental ones."

Mizu turned towards me, a look of shock on her face.

"What?" I asked.

"I always say the same thing, too."

"Well it's true. If you've been traumatized, no matter how much it hurt you, you can't easily get over that within a week. Or even a year. Hell, not even two years. Your body may be able to heal itself, but the brain and heart can't."

Mizu slowly nodded her head, "E-Exactly."

"I-I'm sorry," I said. "I didn't want this to sound like a therapy session."

"You know, no one understands any of that like you do."

"Really?"

"Yeah. A few people I have talked to have never made me feel safe. Safe in the sense of I can express my thoughts and feelings freely."

"Your thoughts and feelings are valid, Mizu," I said. "No matter what anyone says, they're valid."

"Even the dark thoughts?"

"That's a gray area. But if you don't enact on them, either if they're dark towards yourself or someone else, they're still valid to have."

"Why do you say that?"

"They're your thoughts and feelings. So they should be valid to at least you. I think it's important that they're mainly valid to you, but I do feel you need validation from others on what you're thinking. And I think everything you think, dark, light, whatever it may be, is valid. Unless you enact on the dark thoughts."

"Don't let the intrusive thoughts win," Mizu chuckled.

I chuckled with her as well, "Yeah. Don't let the intrusive thoughts win. But they're still valid."

"Thank you, Y/N," Mizu said.

"You're welcome, Mizu. And this is a great sight. Thank you for bringing me here."

"You're welcome. Want to do something like this again sometime?"

I turned and smiled at her, "I'd love to."

[dreamypurplesky]

So I wrote a letter for my ex best friend who doesn't want to talk to me anymore for reasons best known to him. I never post anything I write because that makes me feel vulnerable and I hate it. But this time I figured that if there's even a slightest chance of this letter reaching him, it's through the internet and not in the depths of my notes app. So I'm baring my soul to strangers by putting this out there, please treat it kindly.

A letter to my dearest friend.

Yes, you heard it right. You're my dearest friend even if we don't talk anymore. Actually, that doesn't change anything at all, nothing can. You'll always be my dearest friend. Suck it up. I'm writing this because I'm starting to forget you and it scares the shit out of me. I was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling, reminiscing our time together - like I've done countless nights so far. More specifically, I was trying to piece together a poem about you in which I needed to list a few things that you like. My mind went blank for a brief moment. That's not good. I used to be able to instantly say that you liked music, making music. You also liked playing basketball and training in jiu-jitsu and programming. You liked looking up at the stars. You liked talking about philosophical stuff and you liked photography. That was what brought us closer in the first place. You liked working out and you liked mangoes. This is just me panicking and noting down everything I remember about you so if it ever starts to fade away, I can come back here to retain my memory. You also liked me. Oh, how could I ever forget that? You were probably the first person who ever actually liked me. I never thought I'd have to try so hard not to forget you. Our memories have claw marks on them from me holding on too tight. But I guess it was stupid of me to expect this to last forever. I mean, the world was in lockdown when we met so we were just two kids who had plenty of time to kill. Looking back, it probably didn't mean anything more than that to you. Or did it? I don't know. The way you moved on so easily tells me my guess is correct. However, it was very real for me. It was more than just a friendship developed out of boredom. You showed me who I really am, taught me how to value myself, and left me with so many beautiful moments to cherish. I've always told everyone I've met after you that there can never be another guy like you. I adore you, I really do. And it has got me fucked up. I'm out here stalking your Linkedin, for fuck's sake, like someone who has lost their goddamn mind. You've got a girlfriend and a big boy job and all, why would you bother to engage with a sad girl you met online who wrote poems about you? I understand your decision. I'll always understand. I promised, remember? Nothing you do will ever be looked down upon by me.

Tumhari narazagi bhi hume qubool hai,

kyuki vo tumhari hai.

Or jo tumhara hai,

vo mujhe sabse pyaara hai.

(Even your abandonment is accepted by me, as it is yours. And what's yours, is the dearest to me)

I wake up in the middle of the night and frantically check my discord to see if, perhaps, a miracle occurred that made you text. I always go back to sleep disheartened. But it's okay, I don't blame any of it on you. In fact, I'm grateful that I even got to know you. And I'm so pissed at myself for letting you go that first time. I am sorry for taking you granted. Your birthday's coming up soon and as much as I want to wish you, I don't want you to think I'm some desperate creep, even though I am. So I'll just write a note on The Unsent Project and console myself. If this message ever reaches you av, know that you can always come back to me. Even if it's 50 years later and the world is ending. I'll always wait to hear from you again.

[iwannascreameurekaa]

A giant list of fics in the making

Being written to POST

Junior Year

Chapter 15 and on. I'm trying to figure out to get to the end of the school year in that fic.

Valgrace in Tartarus (no title yet)

First chapter is almost fully written. It's going to have about 40 chapters total and I want to write the whole thing out before I post anything about it so it might take a while sorry!

Where Art Thou, Emilio?

Romeo and Juliet but it's valgrace! Almost want to fully write this before I post anything so it might take even longer because I cannot for the life of me find an easily accessible and readable translation of the play :(

A fic about valgrace first kiss (not titled yet) based off a tumblr post I have been unable to find :(

Basically about valgrace trying to have their first kiss but Leo keeps burning Jason's lips 

Sequel fic to Realization, is it You? 

Qinter fic but this one is a time skip to the end of the tenth book and it's winter perspective 

Back To Life

My valgrace angst series that has two works so far and I'm working on more!

Being written but unable to post 

Use your body

I have the 4th chapter done. I am in agony that I can't post on the fic. 5th chapter is halfway done and there's supposed to be about 11/12 chapters in total and most of them are half written already. Can't promise that anything will be posted on this fic any time soon I'm trying to work it out! Again I'm very sorry.

Two solangelo one shots that go together (smut) ofc

First one is called "an apple a day keeps the doctor bent over and moaning for me" and the second one has no title but it contains one of my fav tropes which it the aphrodisiacs so yippie!! Same at use your body, I don't know when these will be posted and the first one isn't even done and the second is barely worked on anyways so...

Random stuff that might be posted if I ever get them done

Fun-Dip!

A cheesy valgrace kiss fic about Leo having a fundip flavored chapstick. Silly and unserious. It's been in my drafts since may and is barely halfway done. I have no motivation to finish or worn on it right now but I might be possessed who knows.

Will Solace on the Argo II rewrite

No title for this yet. First chapter is less than a thousands words written right now. And that's the only thing I have written too 😭😭 rough outline for it and idk if I'll ever finish it tbh. 

Fics that I need to update and am trying to update but idk what to write

I Don't Know Who You Are but I Love You 

YALL I PROMISE IM TRYING TO WRITE ANOTHER STUPID CHAPTER. I'm dying. Last time I update it was APRIL... my bad guys... um and it has reached 14,000 hits since then and I wanted to post a celebration chapter but I had no motivation. Ughhhhrhhwsiyfiwdh

Girl Alone (titled I Am Something a while ago)

I'm thinking about writing another chapter but I'm not allowed to post anything with sh in it rn and that's kinda the whole plot of girl alone so... yeah... I just don't wanna write something that I'm gonna barely enjoy writing and not even be able to enjoy posting it either it just makes no sense to me sorry 

Olympus

You bitches have been asking for another chapter of this for over a YEAR it's insane and I am grateful for it. I am currently rewriting the first three chapters cause I freaking HATE how I used to write and also like it sucked?? How do y'all enjoy this shitty writing dude I was so bad at writing smut 😭 anyways idk when they'll be updated and idk when a 4th chapter will come out but I'm always thinking about it 

The Soul I Hold

Eeehhhh I lost motivation for this. I always get little scenes in my head about what I want in this fic but I never know how to connect them so I gave up. I will probably pick this fic up again and finish it one day but these days I have ahead of me are not those days. 

When I Die, I'll Let Go

I lost motivation for this one too. I have so so many ideas for this but I have no idea how to get them into words that make sense so I'm just going to keep making playlists for it until I get the spark back 

[eruherdiriel]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @cellsshapedlikestars. Thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

5.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

40,689.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

ASoIaF/GoT, mostly Jonsa.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Well, lucky me, I have 5, so you get to see them all:

In the blood (the first thing I published, and it predates everything else by about 6 months so it makes sense)

Your crimson hands all over me

My eyes were wide open

The poor thing in the road, its eyes still glistening

Darlings (my ficlet collection)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes. I like the interaction, and I like acknowledging I saw people's comments.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

None of them really end with angst. I have an upublished WIP that would end in angst but IDK if I will finish it. Angstiest overall is probably "The poor thing."

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Uh, they all end on a positive note if not outwardly happy. The most lighthearted overall is my "Pumpkin" ficlet.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not much actually, and I've been theorizing about why while also being grateful for it. The rudest thing someone has said actually didn't bother me that much, and I had (I thought) a solid response to it. Shout out to the commenter who replied to that thread and agreed with me. You're a real one, whoever you are 😅.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Only pretty mild stuff. x

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

Nope.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Hopefully not!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Jonsa ...

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

So far, I've only published when I was 98% sure I was done with a piece, and I'll probably stick with that because it suits the way I write (out of order, feeling my way around in the dark, general chaos lol). But I have LOTS of unpublished WIPs, including multichapters. I am trying to believe I will finish the one that I am currently trying to make progress on 🫠, but how much I believe it depends on my mood.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ummm rhythm of the text? I just made that up.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I rarely outline. I actually like the feeling of uncovering a story as I write, but boy does it bite me in the ass sometimes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Go for it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Wrote and published = Jonsa. I started a Bellarke (The 100) fic several years ago but never finished or posted it. I only started writing fic seriously about a year ago.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Whichever one I've published most recently 😆. But I don't think I can pick. I'll just say "My eyes" because I like the concept and it hasn't had a second shout out here.

Tagging @estherruth-jonsatrash @jonsaslove @esther-dot @ofsansa @greenhikingboots if you want.

[leminhthinking]

"add something, if youd like" ok, here is something i used a throwaway account to comment on the Double MV. i didnt reread so i didnt remember anything about it sorry but there probably is mention about internalized ableism. also personal experience. its kinda shaped like a rant

posting it here now that i came out about being plural here. yeah.

tldr (theres another tldr at the end of it but it was from the time i commented and i want to add something else here) i love representations

I keep finding myself wanting to comment something under this video, but I know I'll say stuffs about myself that I feel would be unsafe to share using my main so I'm using this throwaway account to do it instead 😔

I just want to say that I'm so grateful that Mikoto and John (and maybe other alters in their system too? saying this just in case) were ever written. Being a system who had just discovered that only over a year ago, I can almost see myself, no, I can almost see *us* in every part of their story up until now. And in a way, I feel like I've also... grown with them? If that makes sense?

I have been following MILGRAM for quite a while, enough to be there when MeMe was just released. Back then, I still thought that I was certainly a singlet (didn't have DID), despite how one of my alters - I will refer to her as my sister from now - showed up pretty regularly at the time. That's why when I watched MeMe, I remember thinking to myself, "oh shit, this guy's just like me, and because [insert internalized ableism here] I'm saying he guilty then." But then we all know what's got confirmed 😂 Funniest thing is, a short while before that, I also came to term about being a system. Dammit, to think about it, it felt like a second confirmation 😭😭😭😭

Now that I have accepted who we really are, the release of Double and their second voice drama feels exceptionally special to me, as the host of our system. John and Mikoto's situation right now really reminds me of us last year. My sister and I specifically, respectively. At that time, I tried hard to deny the fact that I am not alone in my head, and that we are entirely separate people. It took me a while (with a few tarot spreads. fuck. I'm a Mikoto kinnie now) to know that we actually are... and some actual, honest conversations to know that she actually loved me, rather than wanting to harm me... Yeah. Yeah. You see what I'm talking about? That's why I'm really rooting for Mikoto and John to have better communication... Ah, maybe if Mikoto watched "his" own second trial MV, he would understand...

That being said, I'm still not sure on what to vote... When I first watched Double and listened to the second voice drama, I thought to myself, ouch, ok, guilty because John clearly seems to be the alter who knows more right now and that would keep him fronting more to interrogate. But after a while, my opinion... changed? I don't want Mikoto to be affected too much from the verdict and maybe going dormant because of that. John maybe still there for the interrogation but fuck, I don't think he's ever been without Mikoto for a long time and I'd hate to see his heart breaks. Maybe innocent is the better solution after all for the whole system, as it might soothe Mikoto's mood and his mindset. I also trust that MILGRAM's writer team know what they are doing and therefore would not "kill off" John. Maybe they will just let him be inactive for a while if they are voted innocent, given that he's finally satisfied with our decision...

(Yes, I do know innocent = forgiven and guilty = not forgiven and I'm deciding while knowing that. I'm just calling them innocent and guilty because I'm more used to it while speaking in English.)

Hmm, that was a longer rant than I expected. I don't know how to conclude really, so I'll say something that would sound entirely unrelated 😔 If I remember correctly, prisoners can hear us audiences right? If that's really true, I just want to scream to Mikoto and John that it's 100% ok to be a system! To not be alone inside your mind! To exist alongside another person in your system and love them! It's ok to just be yourselves! And please please please fucking find a way to communicate with each other!!!

Once again, thank you MILGRAM for letting them exist... I really hold them so dearly in our heart...

TL;DR: local system getting emotional over Mikoto and John, rooting for them to have better communication.

[andypantsx3]

This is going to sound weird, but do you have any tips on how to gain traction as a fanfic writer? I've been trying for years and I get next to no interaction on my writing. I know I shouldn't care because I should be writing for myself, but it's still frustrating to see other writers get thousands of notes, and reblogs and asks praising their fics and I get maybe 20 likes. I've been looking into discord fandom groups but a lot of them don't allow people over 30, and I don't do well with busy groups anyway. I try to be active on my blog, and interact with other people and make myself approachable, but I'm getting so incredibly tired of talking to an empty space. Sorry, I think I ended up venting instead >_<

WARNING: DISCOURSE AHEAD

Omg hello my love!! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel this way! I have so many conflicting thoughts on this, let me try to get them in order for you!!

I guess, let me first start with some tips that I think actually answer your question, and then I'll just monologue about the ways I've been thinking about fandom recently, and you can skip that part if you wanna!

Part 1: Actual Thoughts on Your Question (lol)

I am possibly not in the best position to ask about this because I mostly happened to be in the right place at the right time, publishing my fics in the early part of the pandemic when people were more actively engaging in the fandom. But in my experience, outside of discord groups, other good ways to meet people and get your work out there are joining zines & collabs.

I'm not completely up-to-date with what the accounts are now that track these things, but there are several tumblrs and twitter accounts like BNHA Zines that exist to retweet & publicize zine posts. Look for zines that are in the interest check & application stages!! You can apply during the application phase and the good thing is that most zines will ask for an application piece and will judge you on your work rather than your follower count!!

Collabs are usually even easier because many of them are just open to whoever wants to join! I've only participated in server collabs but I've seen several posts cross my dash that are open to anyone. I'd probably monitor the collaboration and x reader tags on tumblr and join in on anything that looks fun!!

Another thing that I've noticed people do a lot is self-reblog their fics a couple times just to maximize their circulation. I've seen a lot of moots trying to make sure they hit good hours for different time zones and different days of the week to ensure their followers are at least aware that they've posted something if they don't have notifs on (I don't have notifs on so I'm grateful for these because otherwise I miss a lot!!). Even I have srb'd a time or two if I'm particularly proud of something lol.

And I think, if I also wanted to be a shark about things, I would try to get in on the ground floor of a fandom in its early stages!! For example, the second season of JJK is coming out soon and it's sure to bring a wave of new readers to the JJK fandom, especially for the characters like Gojo and Getou who look like they're gonna be the main focus of the season.

I think if you wanted to be extra sharp about things, you might time a fic release with some of the first couple episodes of a new season where you can be sure more people than usual will be poking around in the tags!! And if your fic is published during the early stages of a fandom, it's going to have more eyes on it overall than a fic published towards the conclusion of the series.

Anyway this is what I could think of. I hope this advice is practical and useful!! Now onto me blathering.

Part 2: Resisting Influencer Culture in Fandom Spaces

This part might be kind of controversial. I want to first acknowledge how easy it is for me to think and say these sorts of things when I'm already more than pleased with the amount of engagement I get. And I want to recognize that it is so, so deeply human to want recognition, community, and support for the things that we write.

I think it is so completely natural that you want interaction on your writing. All of us totally do, otherwise we wouldn't be publishing it publicly. If our work was truly, singularly for us and us alone, we'd keep it in the drafts lol. We put it out there hoping for praise and appreciation and connection, and in my opinion there is no shame in that.

So, admission time: I also definitely compare myself to other writers, and I have several times thought about transitioning more towards the type of content that drives higher note counts on tumblr: smuttier one-shots usually under 10k! I can see a huge difference in terms of just my own work on how my one-shots typically do in comparison to chaptered fics. And I definitely see how fast smutty imagines shoot up there in terms of note count.

But I was listening to a podcast episode recently on trying to sort of transition away from a metrics-focused approach to fandom. In the podcast, they talk about how in trying to legitimize fanfic as a literary mechanism, we've also sort of accidentally subjected it to our capitalist-influencer-mindset, where we see fic as more legitimate the more kudos it gets or the more followers it nets you, because in traditional influencer spaces, those followers are potential capital.

I'm definitely not saying you or I see people as potential revenue streams, but I think probably neither of us are immune to the culture at large, and we both probably carry some of internalized sense of our own value based on metrics, reach, and influence. And that sucks!!!!

Fandom, of all things, is supposed to be a specifically anti-capitalist space. We can't make money off of fanfic or fanart (legally, anyway lol), and we're all not the owners of the franchises either so none of our takes are necessarily more "valid" or weightier than others!! We're all supposed to just be trading stories around a campfire with no thought to their literary merit or monetary value. We're just supposed to enjoy the stories.

So, I don't know what the right answer is about how to try to resist the influences of our capitalist culture at large; I'm hoping someone smarter than me will tell me. But I do know that in fanfic, the value of your story can absolutely never be determined by how much engagement you get. Because fandom is not about metrics, and there is no inherent value in metrics. There is only the fun you had creating the story, and the depth of the connection you made with someone over it--even if that's just one other person.

And so I personally am at least trying to resist the lure of transitioning to smutty one-shots even though I think a lot of people would like that. Because what I like doing is writing my little 30k multi-chaps; those are my fave kinds of stories to tell, I'm not letting my metrics tell me what I should be writing.

I hope, at the very least, you know that your worth and the value of your story is not defined by how many other people have read it. And if you ever wanna chat more about this let me know, I'm still figuring this all out myself and could use friends to explore it with!!

[anexperimentallife]

This "if you don't brag about it online, it didn't happen" culture is so weird. I regularly get people accusing me of doing nothing but posting my thoughts online and not actually helping anyone, and it's like...

Dude, I'm not gonna go online and brag and post pictures every time I donate supplies or money, give someone food or a place to stay, serve as a sympathetic ear, help another adult escape their abusive family, encourage someone through a bad situation, stay on the phone with someone when they just need a human voice, let someone ahead of me at the store, overtip a tired server, stand up when someone's being bullied, or do some other random act of kindness. Posting "proof" of all that shit would just feel weird to me. And pointless. The point isn't to show off; the point is that we're all in this together, and everybody should be pitching in to make things better for all of us. It should just be the standard.

I literally owe my life to people who helped me in hard times with no thought of reward--often when I didn't deserve the help. Hell, when our family was in danger of forced separation because paperwork errors wouldn't let our daughter travel with us, y'all pitched in to pay for getting it straightened out.

(Not to mention that even if all I did was post, posting thoughts online can be helpful--a lot of people have posted things that have been helpful to me, and a lot of folks have thanked me for things I've posted, saying my words helped them.)

I mean, I get the theory that posting about ways you've helped people might inspire others to do more good, so I'm not gonna say everyone who does it is seeking glory, but that's just not the way I roll. I don't even like being acknowledged for stuff like that. It all just comes under the heading of doing my job as a human being. Because if we're not taking care of each other, what's the point of anything?

If I could help out completely anonymously, so that not even the people I'm helping knew it was me, that's what I'd do. Not because I'm some saint, but just because a) the attention embarrasses me, and b) I don't want anyone to feel embarrassed or lesser for accepting help.

Honestly, I'd like to do more. But I'm autistic, disabled (spine, joint, and soft tissue inuries, severe arthritis, a traumatic brain injury that affects my memory and focus, and then there are the brain and body effects of long covid on top of that), have adhd, had covid three times, almost died of illness three times in the past five years (once from double pneumonia with secondary lung infections, and twice from covid, which also left me with a two-year foot infection that ended up requiring surgery to get rid of), and other issues, am about 15K USD in debt (from the issue with our daughter), PLUS I'm raising a toddler and supporting two other adults on a fixed income (and still need to somehow come up with around thirty thousand dollars for needed surgeries and scans and dental work and other treatments that got put off because of the aforementioned issue with our daughter), so yeah, there's only so much I can do.

But it's not "nothing." (And I'll allow myself a little bit of chest-puffing by saying it's probably more than most of the people who accuse me of doing nothing do.)

So yeah... "all you do is post online instead of helping people." Oh, you mean because I don't... what, make people "earn" my help by posing for embarrassing pictures or videos, or giving testimonials about how grateful they are? LMAO what a sad, mean, tiny, drab little world you must live in where no one helps anyone without bragging to the world about it.

(Hell, I'll probably delete this later, because tbh this little rant feels a little too much like bragging to me, but I needed to vent.)

[purpleandstarlight]

@hateweasel it's time for yet another part. I'm kinda trying to space them a few hours at a time so as not to spam but if it bothers u still lmk and I'll just go like 1 or 2 a day?

-DLTD: "Chapter 259: The Messiah is Among US"

Me: ...Sus.

-Me: This happened before Among Us was even released, wich makes it funnier...

My friend: The real messiah is the author...

Me: Immagine being the messiah but writing a fanfic longer than the bible that is all about demons.

-A villain was talking to a minion named "Bigby" but i somehow?? misread it as "babygirl" and it was hilarious to me.

-Copypasting this meme from a message:

DLTD:"The blonde giggled almost uncontrollably as he pulled away to see Ciel blushing from being hugged in front of his arch-nemesis; a hue that only darkened, spreading to his ears when the blonde kissed him. All the Hellsing woman did in response was roll her visible eye and climb back into her car."

Hellsing: [Insert the Queer People Ciel meme here]

-The start of me realizing Dan is fruity, and my friend beginning to ship Dan x Kris because of me...Its the beginning of a tragedy.

-Me being rightfully upset about the love potion and hating DaffyDuck even more. I HATE the concept of Love Potions. They're creepy. I'm grateful of the fact that you recognized that and incorporated how creepy they are into the story.

-In a one-off chapter, Ciel had to babysit Luka and was like "Oh well he's just gonna watch the TV I can mind my own business" wich concerned me greatly at the time because YOU DONT LEAVE KIDS ALONE!!! EVEN IF THEYRE JUST WATCHING THE TV!! THEYRE KIDS!! THEY ARE A DANGER TO THEMSELVES!!! thankfully Ciel followed Luka soon after and I calmed down.

-i kept calling professor Irons "The iconic professor", as we all should. Then at one point I called him "Iron" and my friend corrected me. My friend. Who has heard the name once or twice from me long before that happened vs me who was actually reading the fanfic for several hundreds of chapters. I am really bad at names.

-When Ciel was scared for Oliver in the "found a dismembered foot while on a school trip" arc I was losing it too bc I was, and always will be, an Oliver Midford Stan.

-I at this point in the past told my friend about the Travis-tells-everyone-he-discovered-the-truth-ages-ago scene, wich caused present me to remember something that I should probably tell u in the rereading commentary, and I have a tumblr post about it already anyway, BUT. THE WAY THAT HAPPENS LIKE 20 CHAPTERS IN, BEFORE TRAVIS WAS EVEN FRIEND OR INTERACTED MUCH WITH ALOIS. AND STILL WENT "Okay so my new classmate is actually a Demon who eats souls but you know what? That's his business." AND THEN BEFRIENDS SAID DEMON. ICONIC. LEGENDARY. HILARIOUS.

Like I think you just forgot that they weren't really friends back then yet (i think this happened before the haunted house, or maybe slightly after, but way before they were actually pals?) but?? It's funnier this way.

Mate saw an acquintance he barely spoke to make a deal with another schoolmate and promised to eat her soul in exchange and he went "This is nothing to be concerned about." and moved on with his life.

[bnesszai]

Kunikidarling for the ask game. Yes, all the questions

Rohini....please, making me work hard

Asks

1. Why do you like or dislike this character?

In short, i like Kuni because he knows who he is and what he's about and he is veryvery kind and smart while also being gullible and aggressive

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

He knows who he is and refuses to betray himself

3. Least favorite canon thing about this character?

Because he sticks to his ideals so much, he doesn't take care of himself/let himself relax/take time to enjoy things

4. If you could put this character in any other media, be it a book, a movie, anything, what would you put them in?

Uh. would be interesting to see him in Fringe (don't ask follow ups. i have not seen that show in forever and also never finished it epotihbgrsiajf)

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

Artifice by Sohn

6. What's something you have in common with this character?

our taste in men jk. loyalty

7. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you like?

the post mersault hcs that have come up with his hand tremors are really nice

8. What's something the fandom does when it comes to this character that you despise?

i haven't seen anything yet that i dislike? i follow good people ig

9. Could you be roommates with this character?

yes, but he would hate me cuz I'm a mess woeighsf

10. Could you be best friends with this character?

uh good friends, probably. best friends? he might grate on my nerves

11. Would you date this character?

nah

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

Kuni is very smart and intuitive. Still, i think he prefers direct and concise communication. Dazai drives him up the wall because they never say what they mean. Watching Ranpo and Dazai also drives him up the wall because he can't really understand speechless communication

13. What's an emoji, an emoticon and/or any symbol that reminds you of this character or you think the character would use a lot?

the pen emoji

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

hahaha um i know nothing about fashion. slacks and button ups?

15. What's your favorite ship for this character? (Doesn't matter if it's canon or not.)

kunichuuzai

16. What's your least favorite ship for this character?

can't think of one

17. What's a ship for this character you don't hate but it's not your favorite that you're fine with?

most of them idk i don't think about it much tbh eprojsghfafsjd

18. How about a relationship they have in canon with another character that you admire?

i like the relationship and dynamic with Ranpo, wish we could see more of it

19. How about a relationship they have in canon that you don't like?

n/a

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

Kataaaaaaai

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

Kuni is so hard for me to write tbh. I like having him be the foundation, the steady ground for the other characters around him (i also enjoy breaking him tho cuz that's just who i am)

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to ths character? Something you don't like?

i can't think of how to specifically describe it but i love the way Grace writes Kuni so much. so just...that ig

dislike: i hate when he's written like a mom character

23. Favorite picture of this character?

Too lazy to find one eogrhidsoraejfg you're getting 20 other answers so i hope you'll forgive me

24. What other character from another fandom of yours that reminds you of them?

*brain starts making dial-up noises* if i can think of anyone i'll let you know

25. What was your first impression of this character? How about now?

It's been way too long since i first met him to remember but i love him a lot

[vampyresonata]

Violinist Day 2022 - Letter 2 Analysis

This was originally posted on my old twitter account, but since I've privated that account I realized there is no way to access it anymore! So, I've compiled my entire 5 Page analysis below for you to enjoy here! Like before, I'll start with the TLDR first and put a read more below! I'm someone who loves Antonio a whole lot, so whenever this letter hit twitter originally I was... disappointed at the responses some people gave, to say at the least. (And, another warning, this is very long.)

TLDR;; The devil is not at all metaphorical and is real. Even if the devil in general media can be used as a symbol for things such as addiction and indulgence, he is less an active metaphor when Antonio’s addictions were something that happened prior to his deal. Additionally for Antonio's case the devil does not serve as a proper metaphor for addiction when the two times in text (before this letter) he has been presented to us, the devil had been helpful to getting Antonio out of the situations at hand. Antonio does have his indulgences, but they have very little to do with the situation at hand beyond brief context. To blame him for the addictions (and blame him for even having them) is demonizing addictions as a whole. While this does not take away the fact that Andrea still suffered some sort of trauma, we as the viewer are aware that what had happened was not Antonio– and even then Antonio himself is aware that he has hurt her even if it was not him actually doing it. Additionally, neither of them could have expected any sort of outcome as Antonio has never physically harmed anyone before when the demon possessed him in the past, so we cannot say that he should have known better. We also cannot say he should have known better for making the deal in the first place, as the deal was made during a point of his life where that was the only place he can turn to.

Starting off with the fact it's written on the back of a piece of sheet music, which is later established to be because he had written a piece in her name for her on the front of it. From here, I will bring up each section of the text I specifically am referring to.

This is the first we hear about Andrea. As she is a new introduction, she is not mentioned in any prior lore-- the only other women we know that Antonio is involved with is any of the one night stands alluded to in Deduction 2 and the Princess to the royal family he was priorly imprisoned by. We assume one of two things of Andrea:

The deduction ‘Seductive Tune’ is not actually about him having one night stands with different women and instead is an early iteration of his time with Andrea. I find this to be unlikely of the two options because the description of Seductive Tune makes a mention of “joy that was missing,” which aligns with his history of being partial to indulgent behaviors in order to obtain immediate satisfaction in the way his talent could not.

Or, the more likely of the answers, he found Andrea after his time with the royal family. He makes a mention that she is different from the other people he’s met, both upper and lower classes. She understands him like nobody else we’ve seen within his story, which must mean an awful lot to him as we know Antonio’s story tends to play with Toys/Puppet + Caged Bird motifs with how the world around him perceives him. This one is more probable than the first option.

He starts off mentioning there’s been some time they've last seen one another, which we will touch upon later down the line. Carrying onwards, we also learn that Andrea does not hear things the same as other people-- very likely that she is some degree of hard of hearing, given “grateful that the aria managed to overcome the barrier in your ears” and “unlike those with normal hearing.”

Andrea means a whole lot to Antonio, this is clear. Not only by how he starts off with “My dearest” and how he asks how she’s been during their time apart, but additionally in the lyrics he relays back to her in this letter. These lyrics show how much he truly adores her, whether he wrote them himself for her or if these were lyrics she sang to him once that he remembers. This is very reminiscent of Crescent Knight to me, in the way there is someone dear to him in his life that is now unobtainable to him. But that’s neither here nor there!

It’s incredibly important to note that Antonio here is not excusing himself. He is explaining things, being honest about himself and his past. It’s additionally important to know that Antonio has spoken about this to Andrea before, as he notes twice “as you know.” Which leads me to point out that Andrea had begged and pleaded for him to play the song he repeatedly told her he feared (“No matter how much … I would never…”); and that the song itself had already left them somewhere rocky ( “... or even threatened to break up with me, …”). He makes it expressly clear that he does not want to play the song, no matter how she pushes him to do it, because he knows that he should never. 

We can assume that he has only played this song twice, as it’s instance is recorded twice in canon: once when he first made it in his desperate attempt to escape the royal family (to which it was the only thing he could turn to) and once more when he was forced to play it at the concert we see in his introduction video.  However… he eventually gives in and plays it for her, but not without her having to ask him after he makes it clear he feared it. This is by no means to blame Andrea for anything that may have happened beyond this point. However, to properly understand everything that has happened we need to be aware that she had been asking him to play a piece he had repeatedly refused. He brings up indulgence because he is expressing that he has indulged by indulging himself in her wishes because of his love for her– not because he has relapsed back to any of his prior habits.

Now, I go back to bringing back the mention of the prior times Antonio has played the piece. The first time (seen in Antonio’s Letter #1), we are aware that he goes into a puppet-like state-- where the violin plays before him and he is pulled against the wall like a puppet. Nothing happens to the servant in question, nothing happens to the Court Maestro writing the letter. We can see something similar happen in Antonio’s Introduction video, where he just plays before the crowd whilst becoming the puppet for the devil his soul is tied to. Those two instances are helpful for Antonio– one to get him out of the royal family (who had practically kidnapped him) and the other to push forward and continue playing in concert to save his pride. There’s no reason to believe that something would have happened between the two of them, there’s no way either of them could have guessed. 

While Andrea does not know, we as the viewers are very aware that Antonio is being truthful when he says that he was not himself. There are several canonical accounts in Antonio's lore that tells us that the devil in his backstory is real (and IDV did not write off all of it’s supernatural-- Luchino’s Professor to Reptilian’s existence is proof alone, alongside the other Eldritch Beings), and to refute it in order to “blame” him is absurd when there's nothing in canon that would even imply to us that the devil isn’t real. There is nothing in canon that would point to Antonio lying about the devil, and if you think so I recommend you read his deductions and first letter again to refresh yourself. The text is set in stone that he does have supernatural/demonic involvement.

This is not a matter of a relapse of addiction, this is a matter of possession by a supernatural being and the fact that Antonio is not himself. While he does bring up “seduced by the long-lost joy and pleasure of gambling in the Casino,” he does not mean this literally. As this letter takes place to recount one instance in time, I believe Antonio is speaking poetically and is comparing the way the possession feels to his prior experience gambling. He took the risk of playing the song for her, and that in itself is the gamble. There would be no reason for him to play the song and then just fuck off in the middle of it to go to a Casino, since this is recounting one set instance in time.

I previously brought up that in Antonio’s possession he has never really done anything directly to people, instead he just plays while the demon takes over him. As I have also (repeatedly) previously brought up, we as the viewer are aware that Antonio was Not Himself and anything happening under this moment was the devil. That being said, there’s two things that may have happened here:

In his possession, he frightens her-- it’s a horrifying thing to see someone you love become an almost entirely different person (because he, in this case, WAS an entirely different person) and she is too fear stricken to leave until he is out of possession. Antonio mentions “distant crying,” which implies that she was across the room from him rather than directly near him. He also describes the bow gradually swung down with inertia, rather than by his (or the devil using his) force. This would make sense as an option, given his prior behavior upon playing that song on the violin. When I first read the letter, I did genuinely think it was that he ended the song as he heard her cry and the slow fall (“gradually” , “inertia”) was him coming out of the possession and thus the bow hitting the ground in front of him. 

However I cannot deny another possibility that aligns with the described behavior, which is the one most people have chosen to believe, that while under possession the devil may have used Antonio to strike Andrea. If this is the case, I do not believe he had done anything more than one strike. I do not believe he beat her as some people may have claimed, as the word beat over hit has severely different connotations– and it would have been detailed in the text instead of a vague horror. There is nothing that would imply further than that. However, I am more inclined to believe the first option over the second-- but again I will not and cannot deny this possibility.

However, there is no way to tell exactly what has happened, as Antonio was not conscious enough during the event to tell us. We simply know that he played the song, wound up possessed, and in the process Andrea ends up crying in a mess on the floor and it takes him out of the possession. Looking at it, after rereading the letter, to me it seems that Antonio has no idea what actually happened and is in horror at himself at the possibility of different things that could have happened. This is a one off instance rather than an occurring instance given his prior possessions have never hurt anybody. Once again, he could not have known any better. We cannot say for sure what he did or did not do, and this will likely stay this way. Identity V likes to be incredibly vague, and when they want something to be obvious they will be obvious about it. It's why the media is so full of unreliable narration... because they want us to do the work and piece it together. We're the detectives after all!

Now, it is important to note that: even though his actions were not his own, this still has an effect on Andrea. It is equally important that I state, again, that I am not blaming Andrea for anything that has happened. We as the viewer know it is not him, but she does not– and Antonio is aware that she does not, which is why he takes the time to explain it. What happens between them is still understandably hurtful and terrifying, but through the lens of the viewer we need to be aware that Antonio shows remorse and regret. The second he recognizes what has happened, he is terrified in what his image had been used to do, whether if it was to strike her or if it was just him scaring her. This carries on in the next set of lines.

He calls back to “the sunlight, the moonlight, the starlight” as a way to prove how much he cares for her and how much she means to him. Additionally, he is aware that he cannot fix what has been done, and he is aware that in her mind it is him who had scared her off/hurt her. It is important to note: he is not asking for forgiveness, he is apologizing. He is acknowledging how this has affected her.

Calling back to the beginning of the document, it has been months since they have last spoken. He is looking for her, not just for closure and to apologize but because she has gone missing.

Given how we know he becomes a hunter, whoever speaks to him about getting rid of his possession was lying to him. <3 But it’s important to note that Antonio arrives at the manor in order to find Andrea again and he is aware he is taking a risk. He writes her this note, in the hopes that she will see it, as a way to prove to her that he is changing for the better and as a way to go out of his way to change for her likely so he cannot bring her, or anyone else, harm again.

Basically, the most we need to point out here is that he is still in love with her+ he feels remorse+ he’s going out of his way to risk everything just to change and reverse his errors + this will fail him.

If you read all of this, hope you enjoyed! :)

[skywalking-through-life]

20 Questions Writer Meme

I was tagged by @60sec400 ! Thanks friend, this is such a fun thing to be tagged in! 🥳

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

13! I've only been posting for a little over a year, so I'm pretty pleased with that.

2. What's your total ao3 word count?

111,651 words! Another number I'm really, really pleased with. I had a tentative goal of trying to publish 100k words between September 2022-September 2023, and I met it! 🥳

3. What fandoms do you write for?

At the moment just Percy Jackson, though I have written for a bunch of fandoms over the years - Harry Potter as a kid, Star Wars pretty much always, some Tamora Pierce, etc etc etc - I just never posted any of it publically until this past year, lol.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

'Is it blasphemy if he's my dad?' (2,517)

'some have entertained angels unaware' (1,462)

'it's how you swing it' (1,177)

'more things in heaven and earth' (1,054)

'a thin barrier between two worlds' (1,021)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I am so incredibly grateful that people take the time to leave me comments that it feels like the least I can do to respond kindly to them. Sometimes I get so busy that it can take me a few weeks to get to them, but I always respond to every initial comment that someone chooses to leave me! I also try to continue to respond to folks who want to have a conversation about plot, or characterization, or what might be coming next, but I don't always continue those conversations indefinitely. So I encourage those folks to come talk to me here! ☺️

6. What's the fic you wrote that has the angstiest ending?

I tend to not write angsty endings, lol, because I make myself too sad if I don't end a story on a hopeful, or at least more ambiguous, note. But that being said, I guess it would probably be 'to sleep, perchance to dream?' That ended on an anxious note, since it was a prelude to a dangerous moment.

7. What's the fic you wrote that has the happiest ending?

I hope that almost all of my fics have happy-ish endings, lol! But if I had to pick...the most clear-cut happy endings are probably in 'some have entertained angels unaware' and 'come wash my war paint away.' They are two VERY different types of happy endings though, one meant more ah, euphemistically. 💀💀💀)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

So far, no. I've had a few comments where folks have let me know that they've disagreed with creative decisions that I've made, and even though those can sometimes sting a little bit, that's more of a 'me and my overly sensitive soul' problem than anything else. It definitely hasn't been hateful! I admit, I sort of live in fear for the day when I get my first one, since I don't imagine I'll be able to avoid haters altogether. Especially because I have some very, very dark fics planned, that are going to tackle some pretty ugly topics. 😬

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes, lol, something that has honestly really taken me by surprise, since I never thought I'd write it! So far I've only written very sweet and fairly vanillla canon compliant percabeth smut - and one very experimental fic where Aphrodite essentially propositions Annabeth (and also Percy, through Annabeth 💀) - but I actually have a lot of plans to write more, lol! I have a sequel to 'to burn and to boil' in the works, and 3-5 smutty wips at least, in outline form. It's mainly percabeth, though a few are potentially percabeth + friends. 💀

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, not yet, but I'm open to the right idea! I love a good crossover.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I've had folks write fics inspired by mine, but they have used the 'inspired by' feature in ao3 and tagged me. Which I find incredibly flattering, so I welcome that! 💙

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don't think so? If you want to do that though, please feel free! I'd love it if you let me know, but you don't have to. 💙

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but I'd LOVE to! I think collabs are so interesting, and I'm curious to see how my writing practices/style/etc. would mesh with someone else's. So if anyone wants to do that, let me know! I'm not 100% sure I currently have the time, but I'd love to chat about it.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Oh God, this one is REALLY hard! I think it might actually be a tie between Percabeth and Luke×Mara, from the Star Wars Legends-verse. They are the two that have made me feral for the longest, because I fell into the brainrot for them both when I was about 12 or so? And now I'm 30, so, lol. 💀I'm not currently writing Star Wars because PJO has me in a chokehold, but whenever that loosens, I'll probably try posting some of my many, many Luke×Mara ideas.

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but don't think you ever will?

I really want to finish all of my wips, and AM actively moving towards that goal, but I have one that I am really, really nervous to finish and post, because it's SO DAMN dark. The working title is 'still half-perfect,' and it is a mash up of a fic I tried and failed to write while sick with COVID - some of whose plot points I reused for world-building - and a majorly fucked up dream I had earlier this year. I think it's going to be a compelling story, but I also think I will get hate comments if I post it, because it is SO DAMN dark. So I'm still working on my courage with that one.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Folks pretty regularly tell me that my characterization is really good, and I've gotten some amazing comments saying that my works really feel like a part of the PJO world! I cherish those. 😍 I've also been told my descriptions and imagery are evocative, and that my technical writing skills are good. I tend to think that I am good at contextualizing and synthesizing information, and am pretty good at foreshadowing!

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Sticking to any type of writing schedule, RIP. 😭 My ADHD genuinely makes it so hard for me to predict when I'm going to be able to focus long enough to make progress, and I haven't developed really any disciplines that help. I also think I am inclined to be too wordy, and I have spent a long time trying to work on being clear and concise. And, I'm definitely just very sensitive about my writing! I get sort of panicky if folks tell me they don't like what I've written, cause I feel like I've let them down/am a failure/other unhelpful and untrue things that I know about myself that am working on.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I'm open to it, but most of my language skills aren't really good enough to entertain the possibility, lol. I could probably finagle something in Spanish, but I'd be leery of using others without help.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter, LMAO. I was maybe...10? the first time I decided to try to write fic, obsessed with HP, and the results were both very short and very hilarious. It was also handwritten in a Lisa Frank notebook that I am certain that I no longer have. 😂 But definitely PJO after that!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

This is a hard one, because I don't publish fic I'm not satisfied with? I like all my fics for different reasons! I think that some of my best writing is in 'to burn and to boil,' but that's such a weird, horny story that I know most people probably won't read it. 😂 But probably the story I am most happy with all around- plot, dialogue, pacing, tone, characterization, etc - is 'some have entertained angels unaware.' I genuinely, truly, love that story, and I re-read it whenever I'm trying to get myself back in the writing groove. 💙

Thanks glockness! 💙🫂💙 This was super fun! Let me know if you have any questions, y'all! I'll tag @ashilrak ❤️

[werewolf-femboy-maid]

Day ??? of being a violent angry idiot :"(

Eh I was violent again and apparently me and my so enable each other :") at the very least I wasn't super violent and I did at least some push ups to help with the tension release

I really am grateful for myself for even trying still

I'm doing better with my parents and I'm very grateful for that. Yes I inherited my worst traits from them, but I see the human in them for that.

And as the days go by, I have been improving in reducing damage

I hate meds so much I hate the way they turn me into a puppet. I'll try meds one more time but knowing what I know, I probably just need the regenerative farming produce.

Dark leafy greens and citrus are your best friends.

There is so much to be rediscovered and discovered.

Of course I'm not saying don't take your meds esp if you're already on them. Like I don't have ocd but I know life is a lot worse without meds with ocd.

Which makes me more desperate for answers.

Where are these chemicals generated, and how?

Stim break because I'm very sad and tense and I need to love myself

Life is already so hard, please don't make it harder for yourself </3

The sadness never ends, but neither does the joy.

w a t e r

(I'm thirsty lol)

*CRONCH*

Nothing will ever be the same again, for better or worse.

Flowers and plants smell so good :) sometimes I wonder if the apple feels pain when I bite it. Is it still alive in itself after long being away from the tree?

A meal with a loved one is one of the only things that really matter. Cherish your mother.

It bleeds because it loves.

I know it hurts so so much. I know how desperately you wish the flames would stop. I know you don't want to hurt people. It hurts so much and I love you so much more for trying at all. You're so much more loved than you're comfortable with.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

Making mistakes is how we learn.

So how do we heal?

I guess I have to forgive myself again for making the same mistake.

I did give myself credit for being less problematic this time. But I still feel bad.

I guess that's also a lame aspect of being human and traumatized. Idk :/ I also have a REALLY bad ego problem, and very very little impulse control.

Not a good combo, guys. :/

But yknow part of the healing process is learning to deal with the shame, the guilt, giving myself the time to undo the patterns my poor brain has grown accustomed to.

Oh my poor head.

Bttw after only two minutes of angry screaming, your body needs 7 WHOLE HOURS to recover hormonally. And your immune system suffers badly during those 7 hours too.

Stress probably causes cancer and heart disease, guys. I'm going to die early and not see my potential grand babies if I keep this shit up.

I must continue in my healing journey despite the horrors.

Oh my god what a day

It was actually a nice day

I learned a lot and relaxed and actually applied to part time job for the first time this year :) my friend helped me a lot and I can never appreciate her enough <3

God what a day tho

Hey god, if you're real, I'm really sorry for talking shit to you and about you because of all these human religions and my own selfishness and pain.

I cannot imagine what it's like. I wonder.

What horrors have you seen? What horrors are you capable of? What joy have you experienced?

To feel. To be.

The constant stream of consciousness.

Well I'm gonna play ponytown and or show off my ponies in another post. Until next time, my dears. These are hard times, so you should not be hard on yourself unless it's lovingly and healthily. Goodnight and stay safe <3