#I'll probably do some other types of edits I've been wanting to do on break. . . .

[petals-and-all]

I'm closing requests and taking a little break for now, I'm so sorry !! I'll still do my current requests, just that it'll take some time,, ( T w T ;; )

[kaciidubs]

Wait Your Turn

❣ Summary: If you're going to break the rules, then you have to face the consequences of your actions. ❣  ❣ Word Count: 5.7k ❣ Warnings: Poly! OT8 x Reader, smut, humor, comfort, fluff, Dom/Sub dynamics, bondage, edging, spit roasting, bukkake, creampie(s), cum play, slight spit play, dacryphilia, choking, degradation, implied after care ❣  ❣ Female! Reader [No use of Y/N] | You/Your pronouns ❣  ❣ Additional Tags: Usual first name + pet name references for the members, Reader is referred to as Baby, Princess, Good Girl, Bunny, Pup, Bub, Kitten, Muse, Jagi[ya], Sunshine, Noona, probably the filthiest thing I've written so far, lightly edited ❣ Stray Kids Masterlist ❣ General Masterlist

Being in a polyamorous relationship with one of the busiest idol groups meant having to apply schedules to the most mundane parts of your life; which dorm you stay at for the week, who wants to go on solo dates and who wants to do group dates, and most importantly, who's the next to get laid by you and when.

Granted, these types of things are only applied when they're in the midst of a comeback - making sure their work life doesn't interfere with your relationship - but when the dreadful time does come around, the struggle truly begins.

Each of your boys were different in terms of their needs, so the schedule was set to alternate between the needier members having more frequent interactions with you throughout the week while the more independent members cashed their time during off days or weekends.

It was a strange system to adapt to, but you all made it work for the length of the comebacks - though, that doesn't mean it always held up. Some of the boys cracked, some deciding to share their time with you and another boy while others asked for trades in their time slots to see you sooner, but they always did their best not to alter the schedule too much.

That is, until week two came and you were begged for a cuddle session from a certain Aussie leader - Changbin agreeing to save his night for another day since Chris only went out of turn when he was really in his head about something.

You slipped into his room easily, getting bathed in the soft purple lighting of his room as you shut the door behind you. "You okay, Channie?"

He turned onto his side, putting his phone on the small table next to his bed before reaching his hand out, "Yeah, just need you in my arms, love."

Your heart fluttered, obliging his request with a smile as you happily rush to his bed, letting him pull you under the blanket and into his warmth - your darling personal heater who rarely wore anything more than boxer briefs to bed.

It doesn't take long until you're settled underneath him, caged between his arms while his slim hips keeps your legs separated, soft lips pressing to your own with barely hidden intent.

"Christopher," you hum against his lips, pulling away just enough to catch a glimpse of his face, "what are you up to, mister?"

"Need you," he breathed softly, pecking your lips once again before kissing just under your jaw, "need you so bad, baby."

A soft moan floated past your lips as he nipped at your sweet spot, a hand coming up to tangle in his hair, "You know it's not your night, baby - we can't."

"No one needs to know, yeah?" His lips continued down, wet kisses left in his wake until he moved back up to your face, eyes lidded and fogged over with lust. "It's just one night, princess, please." Pressing his body against yours, he ground his hips, further enticing you with the feeling of his hard cock against your clothed pussy. "Please, princess, just for daddy?"

In all honesty, you should've stuck to the rules, you should've been the voice of reason, but then his lips were on yours again and all thoughts of rationality went out the window.

When he felt you melt into the kiss he sighed a breath of relief, pulling away to sit himself up on his knees, "I'll do all the work, baby, alright? I just need you to keep that pretty mouth of yours quiet - we don't want to get caught, do we?"

You shook your head softly, shamelessly checking out his chest under the LED lights, "No, daddy - I'll be quiet."

His right hand caught your chin, bringing your gaze back to his with a knowing smirk, "Good girl."

With that, your fate was sealed with the tangling of limbs, breathless sighs of names, and muffled moans of pleasure.

It wasn't until the next morning that you realized the repercussions of your shared decision, waking up to an empty bed and a wall of texts waiting on your phone that sent chills down your spine.

My Loves - GC Min [Cat Daddy]🐈: Meeting at 3Racha + Artist dorm tonight Sun-Bok ☀️: Yep! Binnie Baby 💪🏻: 👍🏻 My Artist 💌: This'll be fun 🙄 Hannie Jisungie 💘: Do we have to?? I kinda had plans.. Bubs [SeungMongMong] 💕: Han. Read the room. Baby Bread 🍞❣️: 😭😭😭

Judging from the lack of reply from a certain leader, you already knew what the meeting was going to be about.

Wonderful.

"Do you know why we're gathered here today?"

You wanted to coo at how cute Felix's 'domineering' act was, but you chose to refrain as you sat next to Chris in chairs borrowed from the dining room.

"Um... No?"

Minho clicked his tongue, sharp eyes narrowing in an expression you were all too familiar with, "Are you sure about that, Kitten?"

Pressing your lips into a firm line, you immediately knew that playing innocent was not in your favor.

"Chan?" He now challenged the eldest, the fire in his eyes unwavering.

The black haired man timidly shook his head, not even daring to open his mouth - he was a terrible liar, and everyone knew that.

"Alright, so we're playing this game." Shrugging dismissively, he turned his attention to Hyunjin and gave him a nod.

Without missing a beat, Hyunjin took out his phone and swiped across the screen before putting it down on the coffee table for everyone to witness what would happen next.

You froze at the sound playing from Hyunjin's phone, eyes snapping to Chris as his feigned look of confusion fell to sheepish embarrassment.

Floating through the small speaker were your moans, his moans, and the faint thumping of the bed you had warned him about before the entire scenario started.

"You recorded us?!" Even though he tried to save face, the blush tinting his ears and cheeks was more than a dead giveaway that you'd been caught red handed.

"You fucked her when it wasn't even your turn!" Hyunjin argued, crossing his arms over his chest.

"You were supposed to be asleep!"

"First of all, I can stay up late as long as I want, and second of all, you two aren't the quietest of fucks in this house!"

"We share a wall and I slept through all of that?!" Jisung suddenly piped up, gesturing wildly to the phone on the table, "Why didn't you wake me up?!"

"I sense we're missing the point here..." Jeongin mumbled, snatching Hyunjin's phone from the table to pause the tantalizing audio.

"Innie's right! The point is," Changbin pointed a finger at their leader, "you tricked my bunny into letting you hit!"

Seungmin scoffed, "Tricked is a strong accusation, your 'bunny' isn't as innocent as she seems, isn't that right, pup?"

As much as you wanted to speak up in defense of yourself, they were completely right; you were in the wrong, no matter how it started and how rewarding the act was, you had broken one of the rules explicitly set for comeback season.

"This isn't all sunshine's fault," Felix butted in, quieting the bickering happening around him, "but it isn't all Chan's fault either - they both did it, so they both need to be punished, right? That's what we normally do when rules are broken, isn't it?"

"Exactly," Minho purred, running a hand through Felix's blond hair in appreciation, "and lucky for you two, we already thought of a punishment."

A chill ran down your spine and you stiffened under his mischievous gaze, noticing Chris opening his mouth to speak from your peripheral but closed it once more.

He may have been their leader at work, but here they were all partners, and the eldest card was virtually useless.

Looking between the two of you, a smug smirk graced Minho's lips as he nodded, "No objections? Good." Turning his gaze to you, he nodded his head, "Clothes off, kitten."

Apparently, the agreed upon punishment must've been a pact for pure torture for you and Chris; the eldest remaining in the same dining chair he sat in during the meeting, wearing only his boxer briefs with his wrists tied behind his back as part of his personal punishment.

You, however, seemed to get the brunt of the arrangement, laid naked on a blanket spread out over the area rug, a few decorative pillows spread around in case you needed the extra support.

Chris wasn't allowed to touch you or himself, nor was he allowed to cum during any point of the punishment; whereas you were allowed to touch anyone but Chris, and you weren't allowed to cum while the remaining members used their designated day to fuck you out of schedule - just like their wise leader and boyfriend had done the night before.

After some thorough - and quite unfair - prep by Jisung that left your pussy covered in spit and glistening for all of the boys to pay witness, Jeongin shuffled his way between your legs.

"Hi, Noona."

You did your best not to giggle at how causal he was, despite being stark naked and fisting his dick for what was to come next. "Hi, Innie."

"I still think it isn't fair you let Channie Hyung break the rules like that," he pouted, shuffling closer to rub his tip against your awaiting folds, drawing a shivering breath from you in the process.

"I-I know, I'm so-rry!" The feeling of his cock sliding past your walls had your back arching slightly, a low moan floating past your lips as he steadily filled you to the hilt.

He groaned softly, hands anchoring at your hips as he began to thrust into you without abandon, eyes locked onto where you were connected as his tongue just barely poked between his lips.

Your peace of getting used to his fast pace was interrupted with a shadow being cast over your face, the sight of Changbin shuffling into view with his signature smirk curving his lips.

"You don't mind taking two at once, do you, bunny?" He hummed, tapping the head of his dick against your bottom lip for emphasis.

A pitiful whimper escaped you, eyebrows sloping as realization quickly dawned on you - if he was using your mouth, then that meant you wouldn't get to feel that delicious stretch you'd been craving for the past week, yet another punishment.

"C'mon, little bunny, open up for me."

Doing as you were told, you parted your lips to welcome his thick tip, dropping your jaw to accompany the rest of his thick length to slip into your mouth and press against the back of your throat.

He rocked his hips in an opposing rhythm to Jeongin's powerful thrusts, the force simply jolting you into Changbin's dick and helping him fuck your mouth in return.

Any sound you made was turned into vibrations that shot up his spine, while panted moans and grunted breaths flowed freely from them, mingling with the distant sounds of your other boyfriends pleasuring themselves on the side as they waited for their turn.

"Look at you taking Innie so well, gonna make him come, bunny? Make him fill that needy pussy of yours?" The third eldest goaded, his hand sliding down to grope at your breast, running his thumb over your budding nipple.

Jeongin grunted, head bowed with focus as he drove into you with one desire and one only - to come.

You tried to hum out a reply, nodding your head in hopes that it would get noticed through the bobbing of your head until an increase of speed had your eyes rolling in your head.

"I-I'm gonna come, Noona- Oh, fuck-"

Just as you were ready to feel the signature warmth filling you, the presence of him inside of you disappeared and your eyes shot open to see him jacking himself off above you. Within a few passes of his fist, ropes of cum decorated your stomach, starting just above your naval and ending near your breasts.

It was almost as if he could sense your disappointment as he shot you a cocky smirk, "Oh - did you want me to finish inside? Sorry, Noona, I got to pick since it was my turn."

With a tap to your cheek, Changbin brought your attention back to him, "Don't get too upset, you still have five more dicks to go, bunny."

He was right - your punishment was far from over, and with the needy flutters of your pussy, you knew the requirement of not coming would be an uphill battle.

So, with renowned vigor, you did your best to focus on giving the best head you could manage in this position, laving your tongue against the smooth skin of his dick while trying not to mind the saliva that trailed down your cheek.

In the meantime, Chris wasn't faring too well in his seat, his hard on straining in his boxer briefs and begging for some form of attention from anyone in the room - the subtle shifting doing next to nothing to satisfy the pressure he craved.

He watched as Hyunjin guided Seungmin's mouth up and down his cock, a hand tangled in the long golden tresses of the younger's hair while the other half of his attention was focused on slow makeout session Felix had drawn him into; plump lips working against the smaller pair in a way that couldn't be described as anything other than beautiful.

"IN-ah," Minho called out, almost looking completely unphased by the drag of Jisung's lips against the column of his neck if it weren't for the way his hands gripped his slim waist. "Why don't you make sure Hyung doesn't get too bored over there?"

Fuck.

Jeongin gave a dutiful nod as he crawled his way over to the eldest, fox-like eyes sparkling with a glee that made his stomach flip. "Channie Hyung."

"Jeongin."

He pouted at the use of his name, no glittering nickname or endearing title following, "Don't be like that! You know why we're doing this - you'd do the same if it was one of us!"

Of course, he was right, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try to save as much of his pride as he could, not with the way he could feel his sanity slipping as the two-toned blond settled between his spread legs.

"Alright, alright, 'm sorry," relaxing against the chair, he gave a small smile toward the youngest, "hi, baby boy."

Preening with happiness, Jeongin pressed a soft kiss to the inside of his thigh that nearly had him jolting out of the chair, a delighted laugh floating past those daring lips.

"You know... You didn't have to try to keep it a secret," he hummed, planting another kiss higher up the smooth plane of skin, "there's nothing wrong with needing Noona sooner than us, unless..." Sharp eyes looked up at him, a dark glint sending a spark of electricity down the eldest's spine, "You wanted to see what would happen if we found out - is that it, Hyung?"

Chris opened his mouth to speak but was cut off by a guttural groan escaping Changbin, pulling his attention toward the main event happening in the middle of the living room.

The buff man shivered, hissing sharply as he pulled his softening dick from your mouth, "Show Binnie, bunny."

You opened your mouth immediately, showing the mess of cum and saliva pooling your tongue.

"Good girl, go on and swallow."

Your puffy lips closed for a moment before parting again to show your now empty mouth, void of any remnants of his seed; as a reward, Changbin bent down and pressed his lips to your forehead.

Next in the rotation was Seungmin, Felix, and Hyunjin - taking on a position that seemed to be coordinated in advance; Seungmin taking post between your legs, Felix straddling your torso with his hands already groping your chest, while Hyunjin lingered beside you.

"Jeongin, did you really have to leave a mess behind?" Seungmin groaned as he dragged his thumb through a still wet line of cum, tapping Felix's cheek with his index.

Following his instincts, Felix turned his head and instantly took his thumb into his mouth, and you watched with lust fogged eyes as he sucked it clean.

"Don't act like you weren't going to do the same thing." The youngest deadpanned, shooting the singer a glare, "You're just mad I did it first."

Deciding to ignore that statement, the second youngest slipped his thumb from Felix's soft lips and brought it down toward your awaiting pussy, putting slight pressure on your neglected clit.

You jolted at the sudden touch, whining pitifully, "Minnie, please, don't tease me."

"I don't think you're in any position to make demands, bub."

Despite his snarky reply, you could feel the head of his dick nudge against your slick entrance, all the while Felix was happily enjoying his time with your breasts; gently kneading the mounds and tweaking your nipples with subtle pinches here and there.

"Come here, my angel." Hyunjin murmured softly, cupping the freckled blond's face before pulling him into a sloppy kiss.

You watched helplessly, forced to be a spectator of the pleasure happening around you; the show above you, the sounds of Jisung's unabashed whimpers from the couch, and the grunted gasps of Chris from whatever Jeongin and Changbin had resorted to doing to him.

When the duo pulled away, Felix leaned over to let a stream of spit drip onto his twitching cock and the valley of your boobs, the excitement palpable from the way he practically vibrated above you.

Without any further preparation, he pressed your breasts together to sandwich his cock and rocked his hips forward, a heavenly groan floating past his lips.

At the same time, Seungmin slipped past your walls with little resistance, sighing happily at the warmth of your pussy finally enveloping him.

Your hands found Felix's thighs, squeezing the flexed muscles as he fucked your breasts at a steady pace - meanwhile, Seungmin set his own rhythm of deep and hard thrusts, practically punching moans out of your throat with each slap of his thighs against the back of your own.

"Sunshine, you feel so good," Felix groaned, eyes flicking between your face and the way the pink head of his dick peeked out from between your boobs on each inward thrust.

"Of course she'd feel good," Seungmin scoffed, his hands gripping the backs of your knees for leverage, "the little slut was made for us, isn't that right, pup?"

You preened at his words, tossing your head back with an unabashed moan.

"So shameless, my muse," Hyunjin smirked, watching you lovingly as he lazily fisted his spit-slicked cock. "You love being used like this by us - but, then again, we love getting to use you, too."

Whining up at him, your dazed eyes glanced down at his length and your lips parted - an offering.

"Nuh uh, beauty, I'm waiting for that sweet pussy of yours."

The clench your walls gave earned you a moan from the singer inside of you, his grip on your legs tightening slightly, "Fuck, stop it, pup - feels too fucking good."

Felix whined, tossing his head back with a shivering breath, "W-What's she feel like, Minnie?"

"Wet, warm, t-tight," a low grunt fell from his lips, "I can tell she's getting close - you know, when her pussy f-flutters-"

"-Y-Yeah, oh, fuck- I'm close." The freckled boy's thrusts quickly began to falter, dissolving into him shallowly humping your breasts.

Hyunjin watched as both boys chased their orgasms, your breathless moans floating through the air like a song while your nails scratched angry red lines down Felix's slim thighs.

"A-Ah, fuck, f-fuck-" Seungmin was the first to topple over the edge, pulling out just as he began to come, the hot release adding to the partially dried mess left behind from his boyfriend before.

With a shaky rut of his hips, Felix came with a short cry of your name, his cum painting your neck and mixing with the mess of saliva and precum in your cleavage.

Dropping your legs unceremoniously, Seungmin shuffled from between your legs to sit breathlessly at your side; Felix managing to shakily slide himself off of your torso and into the former's arms.

"Oh, you poor beauty," Hyunjin cooed, taking in your utterly disheveled form as he filled in the newly freed space, "they made you so dirty, didn't they?"

You jolted at the feeling of his hand ghosting your side, your abdomen twisting so hard you nearly folded over.

"H-Hyune, can I come this time? Please, please, I-I need to, i-it's too much!"

"You're begging the wrong person, my muse." He used his right index to drag through the mess at your sternum and down to the cum coating your stomach, "I can't help you, here." Popping his finger into his mouth, a shivering breath ran through his body, eyelids fluttering before focusing his heated stare back onto you, "Don't worry, I'll be fast - two more after me and you'll be done."

Luckily for you, your orgasm had began to subside and you were barely affected by the graze of his fingertips down your hips and thighs, caressing your skin and massaging the tense muscles as he went.

Chris watched as Hyunjin slipped inside of you with little to no resistance, the sight of your cum stained body arching off of the floor making him strain against the rope keeping his hands behind his back.

"Wish that was you, huh?" Changbin taunted low in his ear, squeezing his shoulders before lightly massaging away the tenseness in his biceps, "Look at her, five dicks in and she's still taking everything we give her."

"Fuck."

Hyunjin had your legs in the air, calves resting against his right shoulder to make the squeeze even tighter, making each drag of his cock that much more devilish for you.

That should be him making you moan like that, he should be the one feeling the squeeze of your pussy around his dick, not the stupid confines of his underwear.

He felt like he was going crazy, and it didn't help with Jeongin's intermittent touches to his restrained bulge that kept him hyper aware of everything happening in front of him.

Your moans grew in pitch, one hand gripping onto the artist's forearm while the other gripped a decorative pillow by your head for further support.

"Oh, god - I c-can't- I-"

"Hold it, kitten." Minho spoke up from his position on the couch, "You have two more to go for your punishment - you don't want to make it worse, do you?"

"N-No, but- Ah!" Your train of thought escaped you as the lithe dancer slightly leaned forward, pushing your legs closer to your torso and brushing against your g-spot in an entirely new angle that had you seeing stars.

"You can do it, my love," Hyunjin panted breathlessly, a fine sheen of sweat beginning to glisten on his skin, "g-gonna fill you up for doing such a good job for us, okay?"

There weren't any words you could find to somehow put together a coherent sentence, so you simply nodded with hiccuped breaths - doing your best not to focus on the burning desire in your abdomen.

It only took a few more strokes until he stilled with a gasp, broken moans happening in time with the twitching of his length, filling your cunt with every last drop of his load.

However, the turnaround this time was faster than you'd expected; Hyunjin pulling out with a still throbbing dick, while the sound of scrambling reached your ears before a new presence filled the void.

"Jagi."

Your heart clenched, blinking up at the man with a desperate gaze, "Sungie, please - I-I can't take anymore."

You were overly aware of the warm sensation of Hyunjin's cum dripping down the curve of your ass and undoubtedly staining the blanket beneath you, and you were beginning to feel tacky from the mix of cum and spit drying on your skin.

"I know, I know, but you're so close, Jagi - you can do it for us, right? Take your punishment like a good girl?"

The feeling of him pushing your legs up and out had you sobbing out a breath, everything from your waist down sore and crying for a break.

Jisung rubbed the leaky tip of his cock against your puffy clit, biting his lip as more cum seemed to endlessly dribble out of you, "Shit, he really filled you, hm?"

Then, just as his boyfriends before, he angled his hips and sunk into your sensitive cunt, your moans mixing together in a harmony.

"S-So good - god, I wish I could stay in this pussy." He groaned, leaning forward to hover over you - keeping your legs hooked on the outside of his arms - before shallowly thrusting into you.

The sloppy sounds of skin against skin and the mixture of cum and your arousal filled the living room as everyone watched on.

"Fuck... I wanna go again," Felix whined, doe eyes trained on where you and Jisung were connected.

Seungmin laughed, squeezing his arms around him, "Yeah? I bet Chan wishes he could go at all."

This comment brought each of their attentions to the man in mention, and the sight was one to be memorized for the time to come.

A light sheen of sweat shined across his forehead and chest, shallow breaths expanding his torso and exposing the slight definition of abs with each exhale, and thick thighs spread to display the bulge stretching the light grey fabric of his boxer briefs - a glaringly obvious stain of precum in the form of dark grey spread around the head of his hidden cock and along the length, defining it more.

"Holy shit, Chan - you're turned on this much?" Hyunjin took in the view with amused eyes, though the faint swipe of his tongue over his bottom lip hadn't gone unnoticed.

The eldest whined, an embarrassed blush adding to the flush of arousal on his face, "It doesn't help that these two," he nodded his head between Jeongin and Changbin, "have been over here touching me the whole time, and- fuck, watching everyone take turns with her, how could I not get turned on?"

"Channie Hyung, you look like you're one breeze away from coming." Jeongin giggled as he pressed his index finger against the outline of his tip, pulling it away to see a faint string of precum follow suit.

"He shouldn't." Minho interjected, watching the small group from the couch, "And you better not make him come either, unless you'd like to be added to the punishment list, too."

Another signature whine fell from Felix as he broke his focused stare to look at the black haired man, "Can we at least see him? Please, Hyung?"

There was a moment of silence - well, as silent as it could be with your and Jisung's moans and whimpers still dancing through the air - before he nodded his head.

"Fine, go ahead."

It definitely wasn't a three person job, but when Felix sprung into action with Jeongin, Seungmin wasn't about to be left out of the reveal - so, with three sets of hands and the help of Chris lifting his hips, they managed to toss away his one and only clothing item.

"Holy fuck, thank you," he groaned, his head falling back and lightly knocking against the backrest of the chair; a wave of goosebumps decorating his skin at the temperature shift and change in pressure.

The sudden sound of Jisung cursing called their attention like a moth to a flame, eyes snapping to see the rapper frantically fucking into you with reckless abandon.

Tears streamed down the sides of your face as you gripped his hair, "Please, please, please, I-I can't- j-just come already, Sungie!"

It wasn't clear if it was the tug on his scalp or your command that had him coming, but he was suddenly shaking above you with breathless whines, fucking his load into you with hard, shallow ruts.

He dipped his head to catch your lips in a less than coordinated kiss, a dazed smile finding its way to his face, "Last one, Jagi."

Sniffling up at him, a harsh realization hit you like a freight train - Minho was the last one to go.

Minho, the one who enjoyed seeing you at your wits end, wearing you down until you were nothing but his brainless little kitten - the one who laughed in the face of your pleas and begs, the one who would catch your tears onto his fingers and make you choke on the same digits.

As Jisung slipped away to join the rest of the spectators, you turned your head to see Minho unmoving from his seat, staring at you with a sinister glint in his eyes.

"Hands and knees, kitten."

You were shocked to find out that you still had power left in you to lift your body from the floor, much less manage to turn yourself onto your aching legs before dipping into an arch you'd perfected in your time with them - ignoring the feeling of now cold cum meeting the fluffy warmth of the blanket where you once laid.

It wasn't long until you felt a large hand grip the swell of your ass before landing a hard slap against the cheek making you scream out a moan.

"What did we learn?" He hummed nonchalantly, spreading your ass cheeks to see the newest mess of cum ooze toward your clit.

"I-I won't k-keep secrets," you sobbed, the pulse of your pussy making your toes curl, "if s-someone wants to skip ahead, w-we make sure everyone knows - P-Please, Min, I'm sorry!"

The only sign of acknowledgment he gave you was a clipped hum, sliding one hand to the base of your spine while the other wrapped around his dick, pumping once and tracing your messy cunt.

"Do you think you deserve to come?"

"Y-Yes! Yes, please, I've been good - I-I didn't come while the others fucked me, I-I let them use me, please let me come, Min!" Hiccuping a sob, your hands fisted the blanket as fresh tears streaked down your cheeks, "Please, please, please, it hurts - I can't keep holding it!"

The stretch of his dick past your sensitive walls had your mouth falling open in a silent moan, eyes rolling as your veins flowed with molten lava - overstimulation beginning to set in.

"Okay, kitten, you can come," he murmured softly, his hand sliding up your slightly sweaty back before wrapping around your neck, his body eclipsing yours as his lips hovered just above your ear, "but only when I say so."

He dragged his hips back before delivering a hard thrust, forcing a choked gasp past your lips as he began to practically fuck you through the floor - broken moans and cries flowing like water in a stream.

"Remember this the next time you decide to bend the rules," hissing in your ear, his hand tightened around your neck ever so slightly, "doesn't matter if its Yongbokkie's charms, Hannie's begs, Jeongin's sugar coated promises - none of them, if you try lying to cover for them, this is what'll happen."

"Minho, it wasn't all her fault." Chris gritted, watching the way you writhed in the second eldest's hold - his dick twitching painfully for any type of relief.

Minho scoffed out a laugh, finally directly regarding him ever since the entire punishment started, "When did I ever say it was, Chan?"

Without so much as a stutter in his rhythm, he sat up onto his knees, bringing your body with his and putting you on full display for the rest of your partners.

"This is a lesson to you, too; don't try to keep things from us - if you want to fuck our girl, you can fuck her." His thumb pressed against the underside of your jaw, tilting your head in their direction, "She obviously loves it, so why put yourself through the stress of making it a secret? You can see her just like this without keeping her orgasm from her, isn't that right, kitten?"

You mindlessly nodded as best as you could, drool trailing out of the corner of your mouth as you tried your best to keep your focus on the man restrained in the chair and not on the six other pairs of eyes taking you in.

"Words, kitten."

"Y-Yes, Sir!" You mewled, your hands holding tight to his arm to keep yourself tethered to your own body.

"Exactly, now, say sorry."

Chris bristled, "Minho, that's-"

"Felix."

On command, the boys occupying the space near Chris's legs moved to allowed Felix between them; Jeongin holding onto one thigh while Hyunjin held onto the other to further restrain him.

The second Felix's soft hands wrapped around the base of his dick, he had to bite his lip to silence the pure moan of pleasure that wanted to rise out of him - but, the instant his lips pressed against a vein, he nearly cried.

"Say sorry, kitten," Minho whispered in your ear, breaking through the fog that clouded your brain, "say sorry then you can come."

A sob wracked through your body as you nodded, "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Innie and Binnie. I'm sorry L-Lix, Minnie, a-and Hyune. I-I'm sorry S-Sungie," nearly choking on your breath, you cried, "a-and I'm sorry Min, I'm so sorry, sir!"

He hummed, a smirk on his lips, "You're missing an apology, kitten."

The names replayed in your head like a tape on rewind, your brain desperately searching for who you might have missed until it finally clicked.

"C-Channie!"

The call of his name brought his eyes to yours, breathless groans escaping him as Felix licked at him as if he were a popsicle on a hot summer day.

You sniffled, blown out pupils swimming in the sea of your watery eyes, "I-I'm so sorry, Channie - I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!"

His heart clenched in time with his abdomen, hips canting as best they could with Hyunjin and Jeongin keeping him still. "I'm sorry, princess, you hear me? Fuck- I'm so sorry, baby."

"Good kitten," Minho grunted, his free hand wrapping around your hip to the apex of your thighs, his skilled fingers finding your clit easily, "now, come for us."

There wasn't a singular word to describe the sensations that shot through your veins; euphoria, relief, satisfaction, all you could feel was the wave of your orgasm crashing around you and drowning you in the muffled sounds of your own screams.

It didn't take long for Chris to fall victim to the sinful kitten licks of Felix's tongue, not when he had the view of you and Minho falling apart before his eyes.

"Oh fuck, f-fuck!"

Minho felt you slump in his arms, shallow breaths wracking your body through soft whimpers and hiccups. "You're alright, Jagiya, I've got you."

You slurred out soft words he couldn't catch, though the faintest "Sorry" caught his ear through the jumbled mess.

"No more of that, kitten, okay? I forgive you - We forgive you, just take some deep breaths with me, hm?"

Changbin appeared in front of you with two wet washcloths, and a t-shirt most likely from his closet, "Hey, bunny, it's Binnie - I'm gonna clean you off, okay?"

You hummed softly and he got to work wiping away the dried cum and spit that stained your skin, using the second cloth to get whatever remnants he missed before handing it off to Minho who cleaned away the cum covering your pussy.

Meanwhile, Felix and Jeongin were having a field day of cleaning up the cum that decorated Chris's skin from his own orgasm; Hyunjin lazily running his hands through Chris's hair while Seungmin untied his wrists.

"Hyung," Seungmin prodded, garnering Chris's tired, but attentive gaze, "we know you mean well, and you don't like imposing over us, or whatever," he took a short breath, fighting through the shyness, "but if you need something then say so - it's not like we haven't adjusted our schedules before."

"Yeah, Chan - we're not gonna fault you if you need your time sooner than us, we do it all the time." Hyunjin chimed in, playing with a small curl at the front of his head.

"Some of us more than others."

"You know, I can hear you," Felix deadpanned, looking up at the three of them while licking his lips, "and it's not like I don't offer sharing my time!"

Jeongin laughed, "I don't think they meant it as a bad thing, Lix, you're just the one who uses your time the most, even if you share it."

"Which is, again, not a bad thing," Jisung piped up with a chuckle, walking toward the group with a washcloth and a bottle of water for the eldest, "I think it's a tie between me and you, honestly."

Through the small talk and pre-shower wipe downs - some of the boys dispersing to shower while others searched for snacks - Chris noticed Minho bundling up the soiled blanket while Changbin cradled your sleeping form in his arms on the couch, murmuring soft words he wasn't able to catch.

"She's okay," Minho hummed, catching Chris's soft gaze, "we're going to let her rest for a minute, then when she wakes up Changbin's going to make sure she uses the bathroom before anything else."

He nodded understandingly, stretching his arms and rubbing absentmindedly at his wrists.

"You want to cuddle with her."

Chris jolted, eyes widening, "What? I didn't say-"

"You don't have to say it, you do it all the time after sex, Chan," he rolled his eyes, a loving smirk playing at his lips, "it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Just..." Sighing, Minho ventured over to the chair he still sat in, "Stop being shy about needing love, okay? This isn't about some stupid rule or 'fuck' schedule - you need to know that there isn't any shame in putting your needs first. You have eight partners, which means you have eight people who are open and ready to give you the love you need, Hyung."

Planting a quick kiss on his lips, Minho disappeared down the hall toward the laundry room, leaving Chris to settle with his words.

Nodding softly to himself, he made his way toward Changbin and swapped roles quietly, accepting a temple kiss from his fellow rapper before he headed into the kitchen to join whoever occupied the space.

Laying across the couch, Chris let you lay partially on top of him, his arm wrapped securely around your back while he used his other hand to caress the soft skin of your cheek with his thumb.

Stirring slightly, you cracked an eye open and a tired smile twitched your lips, "Mm... I love you."

You have eight partners, which means you have eight people who are open and ready to give you the love you need.

He smiled at Minho's words, leaning down to press a soft kiss to the tip of your nose, watching as you drifted back to sleep.

"I love you too, baby."

✧. ┊Tagged lovelies: @having-an-internal-crisis-rn, @midnightfrog625, @anyhow-everything, @bangchanbabygirlx, @sweetracha, @j-onedrabbles, @nightimescapes, @caitlyn98s, @ch4nn13luv, @ihrtlix, @sometimesleeknows, @jeonjungkookenthusiast1997, @maximumkillshot, @y-ur--i, @acker-night, @dreamescapeswriting, @specialstay, @broken-glowsticks, @s00buwu, @junglyric, @tinyelfperson, @jj-stay, @katsukis1wife, @inlovewithmusician, @keen-li, @armystay89, @main-character0, @vampcharxter, @ddyskz, @prettymiye0n, @bbgnyx, @ivyisnotokay, @bahng-chrizz, @milknhoneyracha, @hann1bee, @palindrome969, @newhope8, @softkissfelix, @luvyev, @luminouskalopsia

✧. ┊If your username is in bold italics that means tumblr won't let me tag you. If you���d like to be added to the taglist, fill out this form!

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Writerly Question Tag

Back from my self-mandated social media break to respond to tags from @urnumber1star, @cowboybrunch, @fortunatetragedy and @the-golden-comet :')

About You

When did you start writing?

Damned if I know. My parents told me that I used to tell my toys stories at bedtime back when I still slept in a cradle, though (I started talking at 6months)

Are the genres/themes you enjoy reading different from the ones you write?

Very different, actually. I love reading sci-fi and almost never touch horror, but I've written tons of horror and only 1 sci-fi. Plus, I hage reading slice of life.

Is there an author (or just a fellow writer!) you want to emulate, or one to whom you’re often compared?

I'm a fan of Mark Lawrence's writing (he's super underrated), and though I'd rather not emulate someone directly, I sure wouldn't mind if someone compared me to him.

Can you tell me a little about your writing space(s)?

The walk to school, the busses and trains I take, walking my dog. Basically on the go.

What’s your most effective way to muster up some muse?

Go out and live my life. Eventually I'll see something cool and insist upon turning it into a short story.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and places you write about?

Yeah, it's basically made me physically incapable of writing anyone other than city ppl.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing, and if so, do they surprise you at all?

Err... The horrors persist but so do I is a personal favourite among my one-shots. And platonic male-female relationships is another darling of mine.

Your Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? (Current WIP, past WIP, never used, etc.)

I literally almost never talk about him, but Hans-el, the Spirit Emperor, chews my heart up and spits it out on a regular basis. I'm currently writing a short story from his pov, which I may or may not try to submit for publishing, so I guess look out for that when it happens?

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Err- I think Hash, Dave and I would be buddies. They're probably the only ones, though.

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Everyone else. Iraela would get mocked relentlessly by me, Katherine and I would but heads immediately, and I would cheerfully start a gossip war with Luna. And yeah, I would get my ass kicked in every above fight, but that's never stopped me before.

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters?

They show up whenever the plot demands it, and then headlock me until I write more about them. Alternatively they infiltrate my dreams and haunt me.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

I like people who destroy themselves in blazes of flaming triumph. Also headstrong bitchy women, because I am one.

How do you picture your characters?

I don't lol. My mind just doesn't do the whole 'mental image' thing. I can hear them though.

Your Writing

What’s your reason for writing?

I have nothing better to do with my life.

Is there a specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating coming from your readers?

If they like something I did with my writing (technique, phrasing, etc) and mention it, I will melt with joy.

How do you want to be thought of by those who read your work?

I just want to be heard.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Description. I don't really do visual descs, but I love nailing voices to the wall and dissecting them.

What have you been frequently told your greatest writing strength is by others?

Description, dialogue (or internal monologue), and gore

How do you feel about your own writing?

I go through the five stages of grief with it: 'oh I'm finally done', 'i love it so much', 'hey maybe I should edit it some more to make it better', 'oh fuck it actually sucks', 'okay nevermind let's never think of it again'

If you were the last person on earth and knew your writing would never be read by another human, would you still write?

I'd be dead too quickly to write, honestly. But if I survive, fuck yeah. I'll scrawl my words across a meadow and scream it from the sky.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely what you enjoy?

Every now and then I cringe from how weird my writing is, but it always passes.

Tagging @just-emis-blog, @drchenquill, @novel-nook-blog, @thecoolerlucky, @the-letterbox-archives

@kaylinalexanderbooks, @honeybewrites, @orions-quill, @vampirelover890, @glitched-dawn and open tag!

[boombambaby]

respond to the following prompts out of character, then tag others you'd like to get to know a little bit better.

roleplayer name: Cas!

roleplayer pronouns: she/her -- though I usually go by character's name/gender or don't really care tbh.

muse name(s): Kuzco!

preferred communication: I'm pretty open everywhere. I'm off Weds/Thurs, and I work from 6am - 2pm EST. At work I have access to Tumblr so I can be reached in DM's, and on Discord on breaks. after work I'm usually here for DM's or on Discord all evening until about 10pm EST (though I should try to get to bed earlier tbh). I'm admittedly terrible at communicating, though. You can reply to me, and I'll open it up and read it and be doing something else, and think 'i'll get to it in a few minutes!' and then completely forget that it exists. On that same note, i'm also always worried I'm bothering someone, so I rarely reach out first for messages unless I have a specific question or something. I love to chat though, or discuss our characters or ideas or. . ANYTHING, honestly. I just sometimes need a nudge.

experience: I've been writing/roleplaying since 2005! Started with Myspace and AIM roleplay, moved from there to LiveJournal for a hot minute and then Facebook, Twitter, and eventually Roleplayer.me. Always said I'd NEVER join Tumblr, bc it seemed so confusing, but. Here we are!

preferred roleplay type: I'm a fan of all kinds. I LOVE banter or crack roleplay. It's my all time favorite, and I think it's the best tool for personality building a character you can have. Thinking on your feet in character can be a BLAST and it's just. So fun. Some of the best interactions come from that or prompts. I'm also a fan of sentence multi-para though I have a tendency (if you couldn't tell) to ramble and turn it into a novella pretty easily.

pet peeves & dealbreakers: I honestly don't have any dealbreakers. I've been doing this so long I've learned to roll with the punches, mostly. I'd have to really think about pet peeves, but I don't think I have any. I've had bad situations in the past, I'm sure everyone has. I don't like overly possessive writing partners. If we ship and we're single ship, that's fine. But don't try to dictate who I can and can't speak to or write with. It honestly takes a lot to upset me. Don't include me in drama, don't count me as a number and never interact or straight up ignore me, don't leave me hanging forever (I'm very lenient with replies, I will NEVER pressure you, but if it's been months I might start to question what's going on.) and we'll be cool. EDIT TO ADD; THOUGHT OF A PET PEEVE. RL issues and politics! I understand that the world is a WILD place right now, and there are controversial topics and that everyone has an opinion. That's all fine and good; BUT I ROLEPLAY SPECIFICALLY TO GET AWAY FROM REAL LIFE AND STRESS, and the very LAST thing I want to see on my timeline is a post endorsing a presidential candidate, or posts showing a war zone, or any of the other trending topics right now. Roleplay is a fictional world we create with other writers. It's not that I don't care about those issues, I just don't think they have any place here. and the black outs and things that roleplayers do for 'support' and all that, I just. I don't get it. I don't want to see it. Same with the asks to support x family from x war torn country. Just. please. Don't.

best time to write: Probably in the morning while I'm at work, other than that I can be pretty sporadic. I love to relax and banter and do goofy stuff at night. But honestly, I'm always up for something!

are you like your muse? Ahhhhh, I'm gonna go ahead and say no lol. I can be quick, teasing and sarcastic when I get to know someone, and I'm pretty extroverted like Kuzco with a lot of things; but the cocky arrogance, all about me, flaunting his wealth and tossing people out of windows bit? Total and complete opposite of who I am. Writing him is definitely a TON of fun, and a very welcome relief from the stresses of real life, and I love writing for him so, so much.

tagged by: @wintersovereign

tagging: @smartylina @musemelodies @emeraldofparis @gunslinginnhogtyin @hellsmayflower @keepmovinjunior @lcafman

[purgemarchlockdown]

Hm, seems like you didn't find who you were looking for.

---------------------------------------

I've been (not) working on the next Es Quest update and also my 7 other responsibilities so of course I *looks at notes* drew the Es Quest-ed of Yuno and Fuuta made by @74n5n the Es Quest-ed Kazui and Shidou by @stuffedsand and OoA Amane by @oboetemasuka I- I thought about it.

Originally these were all supposed to be base loop iterations and but some drifted a bit.

I have THOUGHTS on everyone, I added too much symbolisms but I'm also rather tired so there going to Sound Silly:

I Like Miku so I was probably going to do him no matter what but like, well:

Which of your choices belong to you? Make sure to obey properly

I will do everything… I swear!

I'm unsure if he would pull the same somewhat patient mostly not manipulation Amane did but I DO think he would bite people and then get punished for biting people. I don't know how long it would take to train this behavior out of him, I have a hunch that it's Much Shorter than I would like. Oparant Conditioning Moment. He has a cloak to replace his blanket, it's much stiffer than it seems.

Ayame...uh:

My wish is to stay like this forever, I'm scared, I'll grant your wish

Very much God's Specialist Girl and she's totally completely utterly fine with this :)))))

Run away, run run, you're done once you trip and fall. Was it a mistake? What's a mistake? You don't want to be punished again. 

(...you can really tell Miku is my favorite)

Kazui: Very "Haha this must be a peculiar situation for you" I Think. He's so very normal about being here actually and has no complicated feelings, he's FINE ACTUALLY About usually being type casted as the monster that people need to kill to save the world, he's Sooo Normal about being tired and dying all the time like he's so very normal about it actually.

Shidou:

Shidou really wants to stop being vaguely Sick all the time please, he doesn't remember how feeling healthy felt like. Someone give him some paracetamol at this moment. He keeps the Hero at a distance cause he's scared it's Actually Infectious. Most Diseased Middle Aged Man. His Stethoscope is tied around and caught on the stake so every time he moves he's scared he'll break it and he can't break it he needs to help people even if he is sick-

In other words: He's really not dealing with this "Being a diseased kitten that needs to be killed to save the world" thing well.

Yuno and Fuuta have already been talked about when it comes to loop iterations and I don't really have much to add there, but I purposefully made Fuuta's leash Bigger so that when it's around the stake it's Really Clear that he could get out. Everyone in Es Quest suffers from Learned Helplessness because Time Loop Torture Dimension (And they Could Actually just move over and remove it from the stake, they have hands. The only exceptions would be the ones with chains and Kazui cause his isn't on a stake, but even for the chains their too big so really they would just have to lug it around, for Kazui he could straight up bite through them-) but I wanted to really ram it in for him.

Kyanako we have already talked At Length about OoA Es Quest Edition but I put her Sideways so that her blindside Would Not be facing the Hero. Also I like to think that early Loops she was a bit soaked. Just... :DDDDD

[faceimploded]

A certain song that describes (a hypothetical) Ceroba

Edit:

@engisanic pointed out there's literally a line in the pacifist route, right before Ceroba engages in battle:

"I almost wish you never showed up in the Wild East. Maybe then I could've continued to bury my sorrows in the Saloon."

Thanks for the correction! Original post below:

-------

I've been hooked on reading fanmade Undertale Yellow written works (i.e. fanfiction), and I notice there's a sort of headcanon(?) that mostly involve Ceroba getting drunk most of the time as a way to cope with grief.

Incidentally, while reading up on more fics, a certain song started playing, and I realized it does describe this aspect pretty well, so I'll be breaking the song's lyrics down and include some personal interpretations (though if anyone has some insights or info to add, that'd be great!)

------

「思い出酒」

omoide zake

Memories (brought forth from sake)

by Sachiko Kobayashi (小林 幸子)

Feel free to listen to the song linked above in the title first—there's even a translation provided by the channel jpoptranslationsbyalulu, thought there are some nuances from other sources that I don't quite agree with (hence the personal interpretations).

Presuming that Ceroba does drink a lot, this song would make a lot more sense in that context—even more so that it's (modern) enka, a type of sentimental ballad where the song's theme often involves romance and bleak life themes, perhaps like heartbreak or loneliness. A love song of sorts in some ways.

If the underground had a karaoke box, I can imagine Ceroba singing to this.

With that, I'll be breaking down the song into stanzas and analyze each of them as follows:

---

Japanese

Romaji

English (literal translation)

Let's start with the first stanza:

無理して飲んじゃいけないと

muri shite nonja ikenai to

"Do not force [yourself] to drink"

肩をやさしく抱きよせた

kata wo yasashiku dakiyoseta

Gently embraced the shoulder

Putting these two lines together, the nuance is that someone walked up to the singer (or speaker) and is warning her not to drink too much before pulling her into a gentle embrace.

It's interesting though that the second line is left ambiguous since there's nothing to specify who's doing the action (in this case, embracing their shoulder). As a result, some may interpret this as the speaker finding comfort and relief in the drink itself rather than a person.

Then again, the first line already indicates a sort of quote (と), so I think this was more in the literal sense of a stranger talking to the speaker.

You probably see where I'm going with this, but somebody (likely a certain sheriff) caught Ceroba over-drinking, and he's telling her to take it easy as he comforts her.

---

The song heads straight to the chorus (where the first and third lines are repeated, so I'll focus on the second lines in future choruses):

あの人どうしているかしら

ano hito doushiteiru kashira

How is that person faring?

噂をきけばあいたくて

uwasa o kikeba aitakute

[I] want to meet them upon hearing those rumors

おもいで酒に酔うばかり

omoide zake ni you bakari

Only drunk in sake and memories

Being close friends, it's no surprise that your friend's wellbeing will be a constant in your thoughts, but the second line seems to indicate a pretty strong desire, a longing to see them just thinking about them, just hearing a single mention of their name.

If only we knew what Ceroba was really thinking... Hm.

---

The second stanza:

ボトルに別れた日を書いて

botoru ni wakareta hi wo kaite

[I] write about the day I parted from the bottle

そっと涙の小指かむ

sotto namida no yubi kamu

and lightly bite my pinky wet with tears

It took a while for me to understand the 'bottle' part, but the speaker, who had such a strong tendency to lean towards drinking, is now putting a hold on drinking (parting from the bottle). Well, putting the sake bottle away anyway. Because the speaker is now drunk on something else: a certain feeling, a certain longing. A desire strong enough to put them off drinking (for even a day?) and long for this person it pains her.

---

The second chorus is the same except for the middle second line:

あの人どうしているかしら

ano hito doushiteiru kashira

How is that person faring?

出船の汽笛ききながら

defune no kiteki kikinagara

I hear the steam whistle of the ship

おもいで酒に酔うばかり

omoide zake ni you bakari

as [I] get drunk on sake and memories

Perhaps the speaker is still drinking, but at least this one time, she seems to be pouring her heart into a letter.

Really, most of the lines here are self explanatory, but that changed line makes it feel more like a farewell, as if the person the speaker longs for is about to leave her, or go some place far from her reach.

Almost as if the beloved person just... you know.

---

Third and final stanza before the last chorus:

いつかは忘れる人なのに

itsuka wa wasureru hito nanoni

Even if they're someone [I'll] forget one day

飲めば未練がまたつのる

nomeba miren ga mata tsunoru

When I drink, memories [of that person] will surface once again

It seems like the speaker has somehow managed to get over their problem... until they drink again. She's back to drinking. A relapse. Except this time, now there's an extra layer of heartbreak and longing.

Personally speaking, I don't really think about someone unless they're someone I wish I never met, or if it's a loved one who's... fallen. I think people don't really think about others until something bad happens. Either way, that relationship from earlier seems to have crumbled and is now only a memento for life (which the speaker may or may not choose to remember).

---

The final chorus with this line changed to:

あの人どうしているかしら

ano hito doushiteiru kashira

How is that person faring?

くらしも荒れたこのごろは

kurashi mo areta kono goro moNeglecting [my] life these days,

おもいで酒に酔うばかり

omoide zake ni you bakari

[I am] drunk in nothing but sake and memories

Back to square one, but it's reached a point where she just doesn't really care about her life or current state anymore, and the only seeming comfort is her initial solution: to drink and lose herself in long gone days and sake.

--------

Well, all of this is just a what-if analysis so it may not even apply to canon.

Also, I just noticed the beginning of the song just sounds very North Star. Starlo-ish. Hehe.

Time to write a fic involving this song.

Edit 2:

Just realized this song applies to Chujin as well

[skullduggeryandfilibuster]

Introductions to Writeblr From a Writer

So I never wrote one of these. Probably a good a place as any to get my foot in the door.

Who Am I?

I'm John (he/him), and I'm a 21 year old writer. I'm looking for friends, because my greatest fear is being alone in a room of a thousand people because friends are nice to have. I had the unfortunate realization that the only way I can share the stuff I make, is to actually make it? Eugh. Anywho, I'm a big fan of fantasy, mystery, comedy, mythology, folktales and urban legends, and lil guys in funny hats. I'm not here to write or read fanfiction. I respect the field, but it's not for me, apologies.

Well What Are You Here For?

Blogging about writing! Like actually! Not just thinking about it, or murmuring under my breath in the shower how cool it would be to run a blog, but like, actually doing it! I want this to be a place I can give my thoughts about storytelling and art, such as proper reviews or random ravings. I want this to be a place where I can work with other writers to hone our craft, and help each other out! Feedback, support, advice, criticism, you name it. I want this to be a place where I can share what I've written, lest the flashing cursor continue to mock me. From short stories, to tidbits of longer things, to flash fiction to everything in-between. I've been in a writing "rut," you could call it, for some time, and I'm hoping this blog will encourage me to get my fingers typing and track/show off my progress.

Huh, What Are You Writing Then?

I mostly write fantasy. My favorite type of media are stories that can make me laugh one scene and cry the next without missing a beat, so that's what I strive to write. I'm working on several things, but really I'm interested in making new things; stuff from scratch. But I'll share some tidbits of the WIPs I got:

Codename: TOaO

This is the project I've been working on the longest. It is also the one I am least comfortable sharing. Oh, not because it's my baby or my most precious project. It's cause I'm in the process of gutting it and stitching it back together to make my own Frankenstein's Monster! (did you know Frankenstein was the scientist not the--) I've been reassessing how I write and outline and reassessing this story for the last few months, and I'm kinda taking a break to work on something else right now. It's a comedy fantasy story in the vein of Discworld. The main protagonist is the world's biggest normie (that is the truth), who is an aspiring hero! ...And he can hear the narrator of the book but don't worry about that it won't lead to any problems like anxiety or depression or insanity or–– That's all I'm willing to share, because that's the only thing I know is 100% staying. Other characters, conflicts, settings, plot lines... who's to say what'll stay or what'll go? (Me. I'm to say.)

Video Essay About––

So yeah, I'm making a video essay discussing the writing of a television series. "Oh that's cool! What's the show?" Ehaha! Hahaha! Ha... sniff... ha... ugh... "Oh, this is a popular show that you think has bad writing, isn't it?" Nods Yeah... the internet. It's a scary place. And "hating" on things that people agree are bad is still gonna get you hate. But this is a passion project. I am 95% done with the script, and in the process of editing it down. It is sitting at 33k words right now. So yeah, safe to say, whatever show this is, know that I have thoughts. I'm excited to move onto the next phase of actually recording it, so that'll be fun. You'll get to see my beautiful face. (I can assure you I am very beautiful.)

Some Short Stories

These aren't actually WIPs, they're WHFs. (Work has Finished.) I have two short stories, one about a sorcerer's apprentice who murders a spell, another about a delusional overseer on a Southern plantation who is just baffled that one of the enslaved people would run away. Two very different stories, fairly different tones, and I may or may not post them here if people are interested. We'll see. Let me know.

Facts (Fun Optional) About Me

I'm neurodivergent.

I hate all conspiracy theories. Yes, even the fun ones.

I love Scooby-Doo.

I have strong opinions about a fair deal of things...

...But I'm more interested in what other people think about those things and why.

Currently Reading Rhythm of War by Brandon Sanderson. It's pretty good so far. Excited for Wind and Truth.

Thanks for reading. I know that was a lot. I appreciate it. If you're a writer yourself, or hell even if you're not, say hi. I want to see what other writers are up to, I've already followed a few folks, but I'm excited to follow more. Have a great day.

[days-until-burnout]

End of month (1) update -

(yes, i should've started this at the start of the month, but i lack thinking)

Total Words - 35,710 Total Time - 1,323 mins (22 hrs & 3 mins) Days Missed - 1

Break start -

I will be taking a week off (yes, yes, it goes against the 'days until burnout' gimmick, but trust me, I will still be writing during, and I'll probably update on that when I announce my return). Feel free to send more requests, or whatever you feel like doing. I'm not the boss of you. See yall in seven (7) days!

and for some reflection (it's long, don't feel obligated to read):

i spent almost a full day. that's- that's honestly wild. i think my 'latest' feat was 10k in 8hrs? so, it's not that far off huh. but genuinely, 35.7k in a month is crazy. where was this kind of commitment when i needed it for events lmao. there is 5 more months left of the year. that's going to be some crazy stats. though, i suppose it's not that crazy since i don't really edit or really think while typing? but like, it's still crazy, but not crazy crazy. right? but like, also, this is how i write most of the time? even my 'edited' fics are mostly grammar checks while the body stays mostly the same. is that good? is that bad? i have absolutely no idea

in my current stage as a writer, i don't know if i should be more deliberate with my wording or if i should stop thinking and just get to writing. i feel like i'm in a weird in between, and it's honestly... eh? that's the best way to explain it. not good, not bad, just unsure. like, i know i can do better, probably? that's always something to aim for, right? to be better

which, probably should be something i should think about because i feel like my writing is very stale and similar? but then i don't want to perfect my craft because it's supposed to be fun, but also i want to get better at it, but also i don't, but then i do. and it's honestly a cycle of i don't know what to do. fun fact, actually, these limbo thoughts are the exact reason i have not gotten a beta. i think i did it once? but it was, i don't know, not a beta where i learnt anything new? not saying it was bad, but ehhhhh. it just was. i don't know. one day maybe i'll get someone to beta my work and see what happens, until then, i will continue to hoard my editing (not for this account though lmao no editing here)

consistently writing for (i will just say a month) has been interesting, honestly. the people who know me know that i'm not consistent at all. and i would've probably quit this, or not even started had it not been for a friend just enabling me. it's an odd, yet rewarding experience for sure. for now, i guess, it's just a matter of seeing how long this goes for

aside from that, i do have to push myself to write different characters. i tried on the last couple days, but it's hard to step out of a comfort zone, i guess. this circles back to earlier. by now, i probably should be better at character voice and such, but i don't feel like i have it down. mostly smalletho, but even ranchers. people say they are fun, i've had people say they like it, some even said it's their favourite interpretation. but there is always a wall of separation, in a sense. i'm the first to say 'characterize the blorbo however you want to characterize them'. but the doubt comes every now and then

on the other hand, i wouldn't mind writing the same blorbos over and over. but i know i can't do that, because that will just speed up burnout. to be honest, though, it's just a matter of balance, which is something i'm not particularly good at. but we cope, we push on. it is what it is, and that's fine sometimes

anyways lol i wrote almost 600 words in who knows how long. i like my ramblings. here is to more writing days 🥂

[kokusfluffyhair]

I might delete this later, but I need to vent and at least this Tumblr is anonymous instead of IG or other social media. I'm very overwhelmed with my writing project and even though I once thought it was good or marketable, I'm having severe second thoughts. I still think I've got some good use of emotion in some scenes, but all in all I don't think any reader would stick with the story. It is massively long. I wrote it with the intention of being a "manga series in a novel form" with shorter adventures for the mcs to conquer on their path to "defeating the final boss" and solving the problem of the plot. I'm not done with it yet after working on it for 11 months (but I'm close to the end, finally). I've been doing some wc tests and I've hashed out over 250k words of crap.

While researching what publishers and agents require for manuscripts, they go for 75k max (100k max in fantasy), especially for new writers who don't have a name to them. I first thought, no problem I'll break my thing down into a series of 2 or 3 books. But then I've found that publishers and agents want you to have your first (and probably second too) to be "self-standing with the potential for a series". This is really crushing because I can't really make a self-standing book out of it. Well, technically I can but it wouldn't really be the same story. I know that if I happened to get an agent and they/the editor told me I had to change things that I'd have to, regardless of if I liked it or not.

What makes this worse is that if I didn't have to write in English (or really any language that isn't Japanese and maybe Korean or Chinese), I might be able to go with my "adventure" plot spanning over 5-6 books of 30-40k words each. I feel my project could thrive being marketed as an LN (light novel) series, and really it would be my dream to be able to sell it as that and if I'm lucky for it to be adapted into a full-out manga or an anime. But many people, including thes subreddit for LN, limit this type of writing to Japanese people only. There are some OELN (original english light novels), but they are quite rare to come by and most of them except for a lucky few are self-published. There's one publishing house out of Canada that I know of that will consider taking OELN manuscripts. I swear, at this point I'm wondering if I should finish the series, edit it, and have it translated into Japanese and work with it from there -- which is a ridiculous idea because I speak N5 Japanese at best. I don't think that I'd be taken seriously, or I'd have to hire a translator to work with me during all kinds of communication, which is impractical. I don't really want to self-publish, and part of it is from my own submitting to hearing how people don't take self-publishing seriously and that only the "rejects" from traditional publishers do it. From a practical standpoint, I don't think I can take on the marketing aspect, not just because of the marketing itself but because I'd have to rely on my personality to appeal to others. Honestly, I think that by hearing me make a TT on my book to market it that seeing and hearing me would make readers not give my book a chance, rather than get interested.

The other part of it, I admit, is my own greed and financial desparation. I'm mentally convinced that traditional publishing has a better chance of making money, even though I know that most writers don't make much money, regardless of how they publish. I didn't start writing my project with the idea of making money, but like anyone, I would like to make money off of it after finishing it.

I know that my writing needs work. The manuscript does need to be cut in places, whether it's unnecessary dialogue, other parts that are drawn-out, and even getting rid of a couple arcs that don't serve much extra to the story as a whole. I don't mean to write all of this to say that my work is perfect or that I don't need to do any effort besides hashing together a plot from conflict to resolutioon. I know that this is tough -- honestly maybe even tougher than the other creative industry I'm in (acting). But it really doesn't give me any consolation or boost in confidence or love when I look at my own work.

I wish I had the love for my work that I used to. And I guess it's not that I don't still love it. I still love the characters and the story of my imagination, it's my writing that I no longer love.

I guess all I can say is that if anyone read though this rant and it resonates with you and your own artistic struggles, know that you aren't alone. I hope, even though I might find misery in the situation I find myself in, that maybe it will make someone else feel better to know that it's not "just them" who feels like shit about what they create and see nothing but a bleak future ahead for it.

[zilodak]

Hi!! Really looking forward to your story, everything you've revealed so far looks absolutely beautiful! 🫶 May I ask how you usually plan for your story? Like what kind of method do you feel like is the best and most convenient for you?

Oh my writing process is chaotic. But if I were to break it down:

Research and inspirations: goes hand in hand with starting with ideas and honestly is forefront at every stage. I'll usually fall into a rabbit hole of non-fiction books, theories and articles for real life basis. I've been asking around and taking advantage of my surroundings to understand concepts I want to include in my writing! Whether that's field research or just going online to look at forums, I'll find inspiration and my answers through ways that aren't always so straightforward. The challenge is to know when it's time to stop researching and when it's too excessive. Dumping everytime you've learned into your story isn't going to work out, and most of the time you'll need to sort your research out.

Starting out with ideas: I usually do this on my notes app and it goes hand in hand with the research stage. I carry my phone every where I go and it's mostly somewhere within reach. So when I get an idea I jot it down! Even if it's in a broken language, as long as I can understand and get it down somewhere without it disappearing, then everything is fine!

Refining ideas: I'll usually use sticky notes for this. I'll put the idea I jotted down on paper onto sticky notes and stick it on my wall to organize it with my other ideas. If I dont like the idea anymore, if it doesn't fit with my vision, narrative, or makes it too clustered, I disregard the idea. My wall looks like the pepe silvia bit from always sunny atp. I'll make a list of what themes and visuals need to be on the forefront of the story for people to get the story. And then I'll delve deeper into what can be more subtextual, that might enhance the narrative, especially on re-reads. I'll also have a list of ideas that might be neat to include in the story but doesn't necessarily need to make it on there.

Organizing: I'll start off with events that NEED to be in the story, major plot beats, and then plot them on a narrative diagram. I'll then start filling in the gaps. I like to think about what happens between one major story beat to the next, how does it flow together, what needs to be done so that it builds up to them.

Script rough draft: I'll do this on my notes app as well. I like typing it out on my phone, because again, it's way more accessible than my computer. I don't beat my head over the grammar at this stage, as long as I can understand it, and what I was trying to go for, then everything is alright. I just basically blurt out everything, because I know I'll cut it down and edit it later with the later drafts.

Script draft (the stage I'm mostly at): I'll then re-type all of that on a Google docs document as a screenplay or script since my story is a comic. This draft is meant to be cleaner. Once I'm done with a draft, I'll rinse and repeat until I'm satisfied with the writing. I'll usually comment on my document and poke at things that don't make sense, things that I'm unsure about, or needs editing later. Just attacking the script basically. This stage takes me the longest because sometimes I need to come back to it a day or two later with a fresh mind and see if I understand. I'll also have some friends read over (not quite beta reading yet) to see if it makes sense and to ask them what they got took the story so far.

Beta and sensitivity readers: this one I'm still trying to figure out, and since I'm not at this stage yet I'm not exactly sure how this goes but I'll figure it out! I have a couple of people I've already asked to be my beta readers and I'll most probably ask them what they understood etc after they finish the whole thing. I'll ask them to critique and attack the script, to tell me what ideas they did or did not enjoy. I'm thinking of hiring sensitivity readers at this stage as well, since the topic is a rough one and I don't want to avoid falling into stereotypes or harmful biases. Sensitivity readers are good to catch those errors and potential fallacies before it goes out to the readers.

Final edits: it's exactly what that sounds like. Taking everything that was said, every feedback and criticism and working to improve on them if needed. You don't always need to abide by what other people say, but take them into consideration. I might share these improvements with my beta readers again to see what they think. Once I'm satisfied, that's the script done.

And then I'll start drawing :)

Keep in mind I'm no professional and I don't study literature at uni yet, so take this with a grain of salt but I hope that this was sort of helpful? At least?

[unrealblacklightvirus]

um hi guys i made a sideblog for this whole alex thing.. . Infodump below :0 [and a lil edit, oct 2023]

call me whatever you want, Alex is fine if ur used to calling me that LOL, unAlex (lmao) as long as it's not too weird I'm probably fine. i use he/him pronouns too, aromantic. i dont ship any characters with anyone, sorry if u were looking for that here!

I started realblacklightvirus as a way for me to make a funny blog and joke around with my silly little headcanons... combining lots of little bits of other's ideas too (you may have noticed that some stuff that alex does or is or talks about might be suspiciously on target with your ideas... hehe) but it was mostly for myself and creating a comedic space.

Then I started getting more followers which I was happy to have (still am! I'm glad that you all love my alex and the game so much!!!) and now a lot of the people who've I've seen as long time prototype enjoyers interact with me? I've always seen myself as just an outside viewer, watching all these people talk and create about this game that I truly love so I was inspired to make my own little hole, never expecting it to become anything other than a half-joke blog.

When people started role-playing with me, I'll admit that I was afraid. Not of the people initiating it, but because I genuinely haven't roleplayed since I was like, 11 . Sticking with my character was hard because I built him on mostly lighthearted ideas with the occasional angsty lore dump, but I hope I've done well rping with yall.

I am not super familiar with rping rules especially unspoken ones, probably most obvious with me never using ooc notes (I am really into not breaking immersion for myself, I am completely fine when others do it though, i think it makes everything so much clearer and I love the funny ooc notes when the character does something!)

Unfortunately I am also not good with going beyond the original content, so I deeply apologize if I struggle to interact (or fail to interact at all) with your rp. I really have a hard time getting into character when meeting someone that breaks or bends the original "reality" too far. But I will try picking at bits and pieces that work with me when I can!

[Edit oct 2023: just here to revise the above; i am not a roleplay account! Or at least, not a roleplay account of normal means. I will avoid doing extensive roleplay that makes characters do this, go there, do a certain action move, parenthesis or italics or asterisks or otherwise... i will do character talk, dialogue, implied action (there are some good examples when alex replies to stuff like questions, or when hes "in a situation". This is kind of hard to explain but ill do some light, and i mean REALLY light roleplay with a very select group of people.) I am not really open to rping with new people, especially ocs, unless they are really good/well-made and pretty canon-adherent. Even then, i wont really jump into every roleplay convo because again, i am not a roleplay account. I am here to make funny joke and say in-character crap... With occasional angst and minor rp elements. Also i dont stray from canon too far, although i can make exclusions that are plausible. Check out the #alex notes tag for what i think.]

Please note that I think I am neurodivergent... haven't been diagnosed (I understand both sides of the diagnose or not argument, this is not about that) but I have genuine sensory problems, anxiety, and hyperfixations (which is probably very obvious....ahem Alex ahem...). A lot of Alex's characterization is based off of me! I can understand nondirect ways of speaking and figurative language though, pretty good at telling emotions , love ela and microexpressions, etc. But I struggle with online conversations and sometimes I may type something that may seem a little rude - please tell me, I overthink everything I type!!!

Thanks for reading!

[crows-home]

for the get to know your fic writer thing- 3, 7, 17, and 11!

(3 - Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic)

(7 - How do you choose which POV to write from?)

(17 - What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

(11 - Link your three favorite fics right now)

This answer got a little long uh. oops! ^^" Here's my silly answer, but my more in depth answers will be below the cut

3. Describe the creative process of writing a chapter/fic

Usually it starts with a little idea in my brain. A "gosh wouldn't this be such an interesting/ fun scenario?" They're usually just for me to play in my own brain as bedtime stories, and nothing more. But sometimes I'm hit with that itch to write and get something out there.

I do what I like to call "word vomit." Just. Writing whatever the hell comes to my mind. Here are some examples I found in my doc that make me laugh looking back now

The beginning phase is just me going ham!! Throwing ideas at the wall, typing whatever's in my head without spell check or care. Like i'm writing notes to myself.

After that I do "scenes." Basically just breaking down big moments of the fic that I have in my head and writing them down. You know those moments/ideas that you come up with in your head that you can't stop relaying? That.

After that it's just connecting the dots, making everything fit together. I like to think of it like painting. Mixing together colors, seeing what fits and what doesn't, using different brushes. Sometimes I'll get through a scene and realize I'm rambling too much, it has too much dialogue, it doesn't make sense with the story- so I scrap that piece or find a way to save it for a different part of the story.

Then editing. A lot of editing. And hating what I wrote, wondering why people like it. Leaving the canvas alone for a while, coming back and going "actually i really like this. this is so fucking cool, especially for what i have planned at the end hehehe" Sometimes I polish it up in a way that i like, sometimes I go "fuck it. it's good enough"

And THEN it's done :)

7. How do you choose which POV to write from?

It's a few factors! Sometimes it's based on what I think would be fun (ex: "What if I wrote a fanfiction from Sonic's perspective. What might he have been thinking/ going through?") But sometimes it's what I want my readers to see.

Like, in the last chapter of "You are at your lowest", I wrote in Rouge's perspective during her meet-up with a certain character. That's because I intentionally didn't want the audience to have the other character's P.O.V. I wanted to leave readers wondering/ guessing/ confused.

17 - What do you do when writing becomes difficult? (maybe a lack of inspiration or writers block)

Depends!! If I'm not feeling inspired, I'll usually check on Tumblr or instagram to get back in the mood/ vibe or read some comments that people have left!! They really pull my head out of a dull space when i need it :) <3 If I've got writer's block, I'll either take weeks off writing or force myself to sit down and just write, no matter how bad it is. Then I just work with what I have.

11. Link your three favorite fics right now

aaaaaaa ok i love reccing fics and i have a lot but here's a few:

Slumber Party by Detton

Summary: Edward Richtofen and his traveling partner, "Tank" Dempsey try to survive in an ice apocalypse.

It's been years since i've played CoD- probably almost a decade, now- but a while ago went looking for Zombies fics for the nostalgia of it. And ough, this fic has my heart!! A Dempsey/Richtofen WIP that includes the main four and their interactions in an ice apocalypse. i just really like it a lot, and if this is your thing, i recommend it!! It's super sweet, and has superb writing 👌

The Buzzsaw Dilemma by redpenship

Summary: How do you stop an unstoppable force?

Three weeks after meeting Sonic, Tails is kidnapped by Doctor Eggman and tasked with building a machine capable of defeating the hedgehog. His success marks his first day as the doctor's secret apprentice, in which he must help the Eggman Empire against his will.

Tails becomes determined to use what little power he has to reduce the empire’s harm. When larger threats arise, he realizes that he can use his influence to save the world—and if all goes well, destroy the empire from the inside out, too.

If only alien invasions didn’t make things so complicated.

OUOSUDHFSFHSDH OBSESSED!!! oh man, a WIP about Tails being forced to help Eggman, and I'm super stoked to see where it goes. But heed the tags, because it does say "Major Character Death" and "Animal death"!! I'm so enthralled by the world building and reading this take on Sonic and Tails. Brainworms!!

Lastly I'm gonna link Sometimes the Picket Fence isn't Perfect by @skimmingmilk. It's a whole series on Sonic and Tails finessing their way past Mobian CPS and it's just so hasdkasdbkhas.

i'm still getting caught up, but i watched the last bit of the latest work being written on stream a few days ago and i 🥹🥺😭 they're so cute. They're brothers your honor!!

[jeysbvck]

Hi mate, I've been doing okay 🤗🤗

Haha yea you didn't have to sway me. Totally agree with you, even the cringy bits are entertaining 😂Yes! The Usos rushed storyline 😒 I'm not impressed. They're doing the best with what they've been given. But seriously 😒 they deserve better. Tbh even the Sami vs Gunther plot was a bit rushed if you ask me (and I can understand why some people are rooting for Gable instead). Idk, I'm just someone who likes things to make sense, have a bit of a story, a build up, a bit of emotion and/or humour (probably why I enjoyed the whole Sami with the bloodline storyline so much). Although there are times where I don't mind a spontaneous occurrence like the KO vs Randy vs Logan match.

Like you I am looking forward to seeing how ALL the matches play out wrestlemania weekend 😁Of course I'm interested to know more. I'm so so curious about people in general but especially ones that seem so interesting and creative. Also a fellow wwe fan 😆 so thank you for sharing!!

Also anytime you want to share your thoughts/opinions on things, vent or rant, or bounce of ideas, I'm very happy to listen! 😊I'm on bit of a break atm so I got time 😆Side note: not expecting a response to this. I'll say it again no pressure to always respond (I won't be offended) especially because this is probably taking over way too much of your dashboard 😆😅

Ta (Aussie slang for thanks/thank you, they use it in the UK too? 🤔)

🐨

PS. Can't wait to read your gift to @wrestlezaynia 😆 I know it's for her but I can't wait 😂

that's great to read!😊 yes i also understand why they feel a bit blue balled for gable (i was absolutely here for the chad vs gunther fued, but then they just...stopped it) & once you put sami (who is one of my trifecta) in the mix, im ALWAYS going to root for him!! im VERY excited about logan vs randy vs kevin, as long as logan loses, i'll be okay with the outcome!!🤭

i'll always try to respond! my notifications for tumblr are fuuuuuucked, so i only see i have asks if im on the app & i refresh my activity tab😭😂

ahhhh im so glad you're excited!! it's actually finished, i just need to type it up to tumblr tomorrow before smackdown, possibly edit it a little more!! it's a gift for zaynee, as they sent the prompt (& it's their birthday this weekend), but i hope other people see it as a gift to them too🤭

ta is very much uk slang!! especially north england (which is where i am!!)😂

[spicedwatermel0n]

Look man I know this is probably the last thing you'd wanna hear and I say this with all due respect (which is a lot) but PLEASE be careful with what you are sharing out there. I am NOT saying don't vent at all (as that would be unhealthy and definitely do you no good) but please be careful with some of the things you're putting out there, such as your disabilities, mental health and trauma.

I am not saying this to be a meanie, (can't stress that enough as someone with trauma and ASD themself), while i think its totally great you're providing/shedding some light on certain and lesser known health issues, please be careful with what you're putting out there about yourself.

Think of it like "Do they really need to know what traumatic event happened to me?" "If someone malicious online wanted to hurt me, would this information help them proceed?" "What if someone takes this information to bully/harass me more?" While I personally have nothing against projecting as it helps some folks relate to their favorite characters more and can be a creative way to vent, I still want to stress the importance of being careful with this kind of vulnerable info on the internet. Believe me, I've been on the same page as you before (in terms of sharing and bad experiences), and it absolutely breaks my heart seeing you and others suffer, but it scares me more at the thought of someone with actual malicious intent finding those vulnerable. Not to mention, God forbid, this ends up leaking your irl life and worse.

If some of that makes no sense, I do apologize. But i stress, I am not trying to be mean by any stretch, all I ask is please please PLEASE be careful man. While you CAN find genuinely good and altruistic folks online, sadly won't mean you always will.

Just be careful out there.

//TW for anger through text because I kinda went off in this. I've had a bad day so I apologize

I assure you I am being careful. Most of this info about me is not on my record anyways because I don't want to suffer the consequences society and the government put on people diagnosed. And most that I post about are online occurrences, not a personal encounter.

I don't give a damn who sees this. Malicious people sharing my information (of which I don't share) can be easily banned for it. I refuse to silence myself after being silenced and shamed for my vent art countless times. I don't care if someone wants to shame my trauma, I don't care it they want to make me feel like it isn't valid. I seriously don't. Again, I will NOT silence myself like I did long ago because of people who thought my vent art was creepy/obsessive and weren't afraid to let me know. I'm not putting my personal information out there. You can't find me just because I explained an online experience - and if you do, policies for social media will slam the ban hammer on you for doing it.

I've received this exact type of message 5 times now, and I'm tired of it. I get it - be careful about what you post. But it gets annoying. If me helping people understand that they aren't alone through my art puts me in danger, so fucking be it. I didn't get to have that growing up because people were shamed out of it. I would've done anything to see art of characters I enjoy going through the same things as me, so I knew I wasn't alone. I didn't get it, so now I'll provide it. I won't be shamed out of it. Good day

Edit: I'd also like to add that warnings are put on the content if it's a vent so if no one wants to hear my trauma, they don't have to. It's your fault if you ignore the warnings and look at talk of my trauma when you don't want to know a random artist's trauma.

[amtrak12]

I crossposted the Elemental Writer Asks to my Lucifer Twitter so this question is from over there.

Summer: How do you know when you need a break from writing?

THIS IS SUCH A GOOD QUESTION! Because it can be hard to tell the difference between needing a break and just needing to push through with a bunch of crappy writing to get through a block.

So, I guess to start, here are some reasons I, personally, might need a break from writing.

I'm sleepy

I'm distracted by a different fixation

My day job has been too demanding/busy/etc

Other real life stuff is going on

I've been writing too much

Now with outside stress, it is what it is. I either write what I can or I just let myself relax with video games or a TV marathon or whatever. And being sleepy only really has one solution too: go to bed lol

For being distracted: Unless I have an external deadline (like I signed up for a fic exchange), I just give into the distraction now. Sure, go play Sims for a couple of days because I can't stop thinking about raising horses. Yeah burn through the entire Shadow and Bone series in a week. It's fine. Even if I don't need a break from writing at that moment, the break is still a good mental refresh.

And now for the difficult-to-define problem of 'writing too much'. What is too much and how can you tell if you're at that limit?

For me, too much is anything at NanoWrimo pace (1667 words/day or 50,000 words in 30 days) or greater. That's total writing, not just how many words I publish. Now, I can handle 20-40k words per month for months on end with the occasional 50k spike. But that's only after writing the same WIP for a year and a half which has given me a lot of practice at writing consistently.

Factors that will decrease how much I writing I can do:

Editing

Brainstorming new story ideas

Free-writing and basic rough drafts are the easiest and fastest things for me to write because quality doesn't matter. But generating new ideas or editing existing writing both take a lot more brain power. At any point in time, I'm doing a mix of brainstorming, drafting, and editing. But I'm (slowly) learning I need to pay attention to which I'm doing more of in any given week, because that will influence how soon I'll need a break.

This week, for example, I posted a new Can We Keep Her chapter last Friday and a one shot on Monday. I've also written and submitted 3 drabbles for a fic exchange that won't get revealed until this coming weekend. Now, I've gotten better this year about forcing myself to take a day off of writing when I publish a new WIP chapter. Partly to celebrate and partly because I've learned I WILL burnout if I immediately jump into the next chapter. This WIP is monstrously long, and no amount of 'pushing it' is going to get it done faster.

But I definitely haven't been taking breaks after my shorter one-shots. 😬 And here I am on Thursday when I've scheduled myself to resume Chapter 20's draft and I just… don't want to. I'm feeling super unmotivated today even though I know exactly what I need to write. I thought I was disappointed by getting no comments on my one-shot -- and I am, sure -- but uh… after typing all of this out, I'm going to guess that I've expended more brain power writing and editing those drabbles than I thought. And that uh, maybe just maybe, I might need to spend tonight reading or playing video games instead of writing.

LOL I have no idea why that wasn't clear to me before. I just published FIVE different fics in a week. Seems pretty obvious that I should take a break 😜

So, I guess my advice for how to tell if you also need a break or are simply stuck on a writing problem that you need to push through:

Take note of how much you've written lately (this week/this month)

Compare that to how much you typically write in the same time period

Remember what else is going on in your life that's been demanding your energy.

If your response to any of those categories equals A Lot, you probably need a break from writing. Find the method that refreshes you, and go do that instead for a day or two (or longer, even) 💜 My favorites are fiber crafts, scripted television, and reading.

[kinetic-elaboration]

October 19: Writing Plans for the Rest of the Year

I had a very nice autumnal hour sitting outside the new Starbucks with a pumpkin spice latte and pumpkin bread after work. The Starbucks is in such a weird location: it itself is pretty adorable but it's literally right on the road and there's a fair amount of traffic, which is kind of disorienting. I realize that sounds very normal but my other coffee shops are in pedestrian only and partially closed off streets so I'm really not used to cars so close.

Anyway, I did some thinking about where I am writing wise. I can see a clear path ahead for about a month, then it gets murkier.

Here's where I am/the plan coming up.

Troped Horror Exchange: I've written about a third of this, probably a bit less. That's not great but I'm planning/hoping to get a big chunk done this weekend. Overall I'm not really worried about not finishing, I'm worried about not having time to do anything ELSE. I won't love if this is my sole contribution this Halloween but still the most important thing is honoring my commitments so it will remain prio #1 until it's finished. No matter what, this will be done by the time November rolls around.

Halloween Ficlets: I really, really wanted to write ficlets this year and I still do. I'm going to try. 'Hauntings' won my little poll, so I've been following that idea, brainstorming, and planning some things out. As I said, I think there's a possibility I'll need to go all the way to Halloween with Troped. Even if I don't, I'd still be writing these last minute, so most likely optimistic scenario is they all post on Halloween or over the 30th/31st. I've basically decided that if I start the series I'll let myself go into the beginning of November to finish it. I did that in 2019; it's unideal but fine. But if I haven't even started or if it's going really poorly, I'll scrap the whole thing. Again, in one way or another, this will be off my to-do list as of the beginning of November.

Make a Lot of Money and Feel Dead Inside: The plan was always to get back to this after I finish the Halloween stuff, make it my first priority, and finish it "as soon as possible." I've firmed that up a little bit. I want to use this project for CalmWriMo and set myself the completely reasonable and attainable goal of finishing it by the end of the month. I only have 10 scenes left to write. There's a lot of editing still, but the writing is, I think, not too bad. I think it might even be possible that I finish with time to spare (will I regret typing that? lol). But basically, this is my November project.

...And now it's late November/early December. Here's the thing about this part of the year. First off, I have a huge Thanksgiving break, so potentially a lot of writing time there. And I'm going to see my family for Christmas as usual, so there is free time there as well. But on the other hand, it's dark, it's cold, it's busy.... I don't know. It's hard to predict how much writing energy I'll have.

And the second thing: it's a heavy 'event time.' Last year I had literally zero events for the first time in years and I anticipate 2023 will be the same. I still become very tempted to do, like, personal holiday events like a ficmas or an end of year thing but LBR fluff is not my strong suit as a writer. I can do it, I'm not being disparaging about myself, but I don't really care to churn out happy, sappy, romantic, conflict-less narratives. So, objectively, it would be better to just go back to the WIPs at this point.

But I like events, I like the holidays, I like special things. I don't know. I'll probably mull that over more starting in November, if I want to do SOMETHING, maybe a look to next year's projects or like some small fics or something, I don't know, or if I just want to go back to some other project to get a head start on 2024.

I like having a plan ahead of time because I really get stuck with the tyranny of choice. Like, I can't double think anything in my life. I have to just do things without thinking or I'll cease to want to do them. Writing included. So I don't want to finish Money and go like ??? what now? But I also don't want to plan too far ahead and tell myself I have to do or should do such-and-such a project and then I'm not remotely in that mood when the end of November rolls around. So.

But it will be nice to kind of have a blank slate again? Like a blank slate of my 50-ish ideas? I don't know. Money came out of nowhere and hit me in the face and I love it and am proud of it but it also just completely took over my life for about 9 weeks? And now I'm frantically trying to make horror season work. So really the last time I thought about the WIPs was mid-July. It has...been a while.