#I'll never get over some of these scenes being matching scenes

[narcjsistx]

— why KAISER might hate NESS (and why he might not)

before today, i had never written a post where i actually explained my theories about blue lock. i've always preferred to talk about them in dedicated chats or just keep them to myself. 5his is the first time im making this kind of post — im not really sure how it works, but hey, im free to say what i think, right? just a heads-up: i have pretty random ideas that often aren't really connected to each other, but i'll try to make things as clear and understandable as possible

let’s start by talking about the characters in question: i think anyone who's at least finished the second season of the anime knows who Kaiser is — or at the very least, they’ve seen him once. he appears in the final scene of the last episode of season two, which ended around december 28th of last year and (though poorly) covered the arc of the match against the U-20 team. he shows up, but nothing is really said about him... that character, however, is Michael Kaiser, a striker from the German team Bastard München — a team that gets properly introduced starting from chapter 152 of the manga. the second character in question is Alexis Ness, a german like Kaiser, but he plays as a midfielder on the same team as Michael. the two are often mentioned together because of how close they are, both on and off the field: it's clearly explained that Alexis is referred to as "Kaiser’s midfielder" and their friendship remains strong even outside of their team uniforms. that said, it's worth noting that in the manga, the two haven't shared the same sense of harmony for quite some time now

alright, it's time to dive a bit deeper into the specifics and the background of their lives. from this point on, there will be full-on manga spoilers up to the latest released chapter, 309 — so leave now if you don’t want to know the details!

let’s start with Kaiser: born in berlin, the day of his birth is almost an insult to everything he represents. he was born on december 25th, 1999 — and instead of being a gift, he was the complete opposite. noth of his parents considered him useless trash, for the short time he even had both of them around. it's well known that kaiser’s mother abandoned him when he was still VERY young, and he has absolutely no memories of her or of her life after she left. he grew up in poverty with an abusive father, knowing nothing but punishment, and carrying the small, quiet wish that maybe, one day, someone would love him

he held onto small hopes thanks to a simple soccer ball — the only thing he truly had control over. we know that he was wrongly arrested at one point, but was saved by an important member of a soccer federation. from that moment on, he built his life around his team

before moving on to Ness’s backstory, i’d like to point out something i actually consider the most important: everything we know about Kaiser is because the narrative tells us, not directly from him. keep this in mind — it’ll come in handy later

moving on to Ness, we can say his childhood was definitely calmer compared to Kaiser’s, but not any less damaging for him: he grew up in a family environment where no one believed in him. he believed in magic and wanted to create it to impress others, and found his magic in soccer. but he truly started living when he met Kaiser at the first bastard munchen selection

of this last part, i ask you to remember the fact that no one believed in him. it’ll come in handy

let’s now talk about their first meeting, which takes place during the initial tryouts to join the official bastard münchen team. the entire selection process is told from Ness’s point of view, where we see him quickly lose all his hope because of the other boys, who seem stronger than him. their meeting happens purely by chance, and the way Kaiser speaks to Ness for the first time is a bit rude. however, it’s precisely from this moment that their duo begins — a duo that manages to pass the first selection. from that point on, the partnership between the two german boys begins, but let’s take a step back

chapter 242, their very first meeting

if we want to talk about the first selection from Ness’s point of view, we could describe it as a true nightmare: although he was once considered a boy with real potential to join the official national team, during the first selection he finds himself facing players who are clearly stronger than him, awakening the deep sense of inadequacy that his family had always instilled in him. we can say with absolute certainty that Ness nearly panics when he starts to believe he might not pass the selection and would have to admit that his parents — who never believed in him — were right. as he fumbles passes and stumbles, he finds himself agreeing with all those times they made him feel inferior, all those moments when no one believed in him. however, we know for sure that he's a player with real big value, but maybe due to his panic and anxiety, he isn’t able to fully express his real potential. when Kaiser steps forward for the first time, Ness is in a state of extreme panic, fully aware that he won't be able to pass the selection. as harsh as Kaiser’s words may be, they probably make Ness feel — perhaps for the first time — wanted, sought after, and not discouraged, unlike how he has always been treated. Ness’s goal is to create magic, and he knows that if he assists Kaiser’s goals, he can bring that magic to life. it’s as if Kaiser becomes the means through which Ness can reach his dream. moreover, the fact that it was Kaiser who noticed him likely leads Ness to believe that he is wanted, or at the very least, that he has found someone who believes in his potential

chapter 243, Kaiser's words that lead a Ness to trust him

from that moment on, the friendship between the two boys begins — a friendship that is shown to us in just a few panels: it feels genuine, probably something both of them needed after their childhoods. we see them experiencing moments of normalcy, doing typical teenage things, but above all, we reach the scene that i velieve is the most important in their relationship. it’s a moment of everyday life, yet it holds great significance for both of them because Kaiser opens up to Ness for the first time, explaining his desire to prove himself, to be, and to achieve the impossible. it’s in Kaiser’s words, in the way he speaks, that Ness finds himself, for the first time, giving up his own dream and embracing Kaiser’s instead. it’s a crucial scene in their relationship because i believe it marks the first instance of Ness submitting — he, who had always fought for his own dream, now finds himself letting it go in order to fight for someone else’s. it’s a powerful scene for both of them because Kaiser opens up about his past for the first time, while Ness takes a step back to make room for the striker

before moving forward, however, i'd like to take a step back and return to Kaiser’s speech instead

when it comes to him, we all know that his past was extremely complicated — marked by abuse and, above all, by the absence of anyone who genuinely cared for him. the only things Kaiser knows are rooted in violence, in a sense of punishment, and in a deep feeling of inadequacy, because he’s fully aware that he was never wanted. Kaiser doesn’t know what love is, he doesn’t know what it means to be desired, or even to care about someone else or about himself. however, he knows it’s an emotion that could bring happiness to his heart, in fact, his one true wish is to be loved. however, all the information we know about him isn’t told by him directly, but rather in third person — so it’s an external narrator who tells his story, following a point of view that’s considered valid but not necessarily truthful, as it doesn’t convey his real emotions. in fact, Kaiser never actually says he hates his father, even though we take it for granted after everything he went through because of him. all the feelings we attribute to Kaiser come from what we infer from the backstory that was told to us. even though it follows events that really happened, it doesn’t tell us what Kaiser was truly thinking or feeling at the time — it’s told in third person, not in first

the narration tells us that his mother abandoned him, but we don’t actually know whether he’s aware of her or of what she does for a living — that she’s an actress. we also don’t know if he even realizes that his father was a director. i’ve often wondered whether Kaiser ever tried to escape from that toxic environment, but i came to the conclusion that he probably doesn’t truly hate his father. he’s definitely terrified of him, but the fact that his father kept him around likely causes him to feel a kind of toxic affection toward him. he might even believe that his father has some form of affection for him as well — because otherwise, he would have done what his mother did, and abandoned him (please someone give that boy a healthy relationship it hurts me to see that fucking blue emperor rat in that condition)

chapter 260 for the two slides and 267 for the last slide, the ball is super important for his personality

now let’s look at the theory of the ball, a theory that i believe is extremely important and closely connected to the current relationship between Kaiser and Ness. in these panels, we’re briefly shown how, even though Kaiser sends the ball away, it inevitably comes back. i won’t go into the physical phenomenon behind why the ball returns, but i'd like to focus on how this connects to the relationship between the two boys: you can treat the ball however you like — badly, well, with care — it will still stay by your side. that’s exactly what is currently happening between them, during the match against PXG and during their most recent encounter recorded so far in the manga. let’s move on to talk about what has currently happened between them

the main fracture arises in chapter 267 when Kaiser tells Ness that he no longer needs him — a realization he reaches after scoring the most iconic goal in the NEL narrative arc. Kaiser understands that if he wants to evolve and win the game, Ness now has to be eliminated because he is only holding him back from evolving. Ness, in fact, represents the past: he symbolizes a Kaiser who has just escaped the toxicity of his old home. meanwhile, the Kaiser we meet against PXG is a boy who knows he has something more to prove, and if he wants to do that, he must become the impossible. if he truly wants to win, he knows he has to sacrifice everything, and Ness is part of that everything. moreover, as the chapters progress, a pact begins to form between Kaiser and Isagi — a pact closely tied to their shared desire to end the match with a winning goal for bastard münchen. a chemical reaction starts between the two, and Ness, of course, finds himself watching them, trying to get involved, trying to prove to Kaiser that he can still be the midfielder who helps him score goals, to achieve the impossible. however, all of this only leads to a greater humiliation for him, as he often makes mistakes during plays that end up harming the team. as a result, he earns harsh words from Kaiser, who even tells him that he should quit soccer because he no longer has what it takes

chapter 268, the main fracture

chapter 288, their relationship is officially dead

the further the story progresses, the more their relationship falls apart. ee often see them arguing, but most of the time it’s just Kaiser insulting him. as of now, there hasn't been any resolution between the two, but the story has reached a crucial turning point: despite being cast aside, Ness recognizes in Kaiser the very thing he’s always longed for — being seen as human. it's a scene that lasts only a few panels, yet it's considered the last time — at least for now — that the two appear together. it's a scene full of meaning, especially when you consider that Kaiser had clearly told Ness he no longer wants anything to do with him, and yet despite everything, it's Ness himself who approaches after the match ends

chapter 301, last apparence

with these last two panels, we come to the end of my speech. one thing I HATE is that most of the scenes from Kaiser’s past are never 100% true but always shown from different points of view, like Ness’s or a third person’s. let’s say that’s how the situation is with Ness: from his point of view, Kaiser is extremely excited, but are we sure that’s all true? there are actually very few similarities between his version and the one narrated by the third person about their past. we don’t see any negative aspects of Kaiser because Ness doesn’t see any negative things. from Isagi’s point of view, however, we have a more complete picture because he clearly admits that he admires Kaiser but does not have a good relationship with him

i genuinely think that Kaiser, for a long time after the first selection, cared about Ness, but due to his trauma and his will to achieve even the impossible, he later began to see him only as a means to reach his own dream. Kaiser knows very well that he doesn’t always have to give his best to Ness to achieve perfection, he fully understands that even if he gives the minimum he will still get the maximum, since by now he knows that Ness no longer has his own identity but one tied to wanting to make Kaiser succeed. Ness acts this way only because Kaiser was the first to believe in his abilities — meaning the first to make him feel like he mattered, like his magic could actually come true. their problem is that they’re not on the same level: Kaiser has clearly explained (and shown) that he’s willing to erase everything — himself, and even Ness — if that’s what it takes to evolve. meanwhile, Ness knows perfectly well that he could never leave Kaiser for anything or anyone else. as much as their bond is one of codependency, Ness’s dependence on Kaiser is much stronger than the other way around. Ness’s is an emotional dependency, while Kaiser’s is a dependency tied more to wanting to appear a certain way rather than truly striving to become something. what they have isn’t hatred, but it’s quite clear that a healthy relationship between them isn’t possible without dependency. that dependency could only be eliminated if they both worked through their inner issues — especially their shared feeling of not being enough

[goldentigerfestival]

So. I love this. The way Yuri snickers at Flynn showing his real self. The way he, without hesitation, says "yeah" to the idea that he would die in Flynn's place.

But the most important part of this entire thing, which was changed in the loc, is how Yuri specifically jokes that Flynn is trying to abandon him, and Flynn returns and tells Don he had no intention of abandoning Yuri.

Yuri does not hear this. Flynn knows that. But Flynn uses the exact same term Yuri used earlier, as if it's his answer to Yuri and saying no, I would never abandon you.

For reference:

Personally I just... love the weight of it. How Flynn will say something about Yuri that Yuri won't hear, but he still speaks it out into existence because it's how he really feels.

Just because Yuri won't hear it doesn't mean he won't say it, and in a way that's even more powerful. He's not looking for the credit of saying it. He's not looking to be recognized for saying it. He's not only expressing how he feels about Yuri somewhere that Yuri himself will hear him.

They're just his real, honest feelings, and he'll admit them even if Yuri's not within earshot.

[daechwitatamic]

cherrybomb || csc

(banner by @sailorsoons)

cherrybomb seungcheol x afab reader || angst smut fluff || exes2lovers, pacific rim universe NSFW - minors DNI

Summary: Piloting a jaeger requires a rare ability called drifting - a neural connection with your co-pilot. You and Seungcheol are masters of the drift... until you have something in your head that you don't want him to see.

wc: 19.5k

warnings: language, heavy angst with happy ending, fight scenes, fight scenes written by an author with zero fighting or martial arts knowledge lmfao thus they are vague as possible, feelings heavy plot light and smut light, kissing and pretty generic (and brief) p in v smut

Author's note: thank you for hali for 1) accidentally sparking this idea, 2) agreeing to collab with me, 3) reading this along the way and hyping me up, and 4) beta-ing my mistakes, a million smooches for you ily

This fic takes place in the Pacific Rim universe but I honestly don't think you need to know the lore, everything you need to know should be explained. If you think something is unclear without prior pacific rim knowledge, shoot me a message privately and I'll make some edits and credit you for the insight!

Also in this universe: storm breaker by @sailorsoons

Teaser:

“Marshall, with all due respect, I don’t know why you’re calling me,” you admit. “You were there. You saw what happened. Seungcheol and I can’t drift anymore.”

“You couldn’t then,” he points out. “That was three years ago. Things that were once too painful to carry into the drift… they’ve had time to mellow.”

He’s wrong, and you want to tell him so. Nothing has mellowed. You love Seungcheol just as much today as you did then.

“Have you talked to him about this?” You’re afraid of the answer. 

The Marshall’s voice hardens, and you can just picture his eyes narrowing. “Mr. Choi will follow orders,” he says evenly, “and so will you. Asking is really just a courtesy.”

“You can’t order us into being able to drift again,” you snap, pulse suddenly pounding in your arms, your hands, your face, your chest. 

“No,” the Marshall says, and any previous friendliness is gone from his voice now, “but I can - and will - order you to try.”

Playlist: you're the smoke in my gun, blowin' like cherry bombs...

The first time you ever saw Choi Seungcheol, he was flipping a man four years his senior over his shoulder and slamming him into the ground. Satisfied, he staggered backwards, chest heaving from exertion, eyes narrowed in preparation for the next move.

That’s what Seungcheol did - he leveled whatever was in front of him, and he started watching for what was coming next before the body could even hit the ground.

That’s what made him a great jaeger pilot. Not the brute strength - strong men are dime a dozen, always have been - but the watching.

You’d marked him as your first choice.

You were both nineteen. You’d grown up in the Shatterdome, the only child to a couple who piloted a neon green jaeger named Charron’s Revenge. You knew everything about how jaegers and their teams worked by the time you were nine. You started training to fight years before that. There was never a question that you would follow in your parents’ giant, mechanical footsteps one day. You just needed the right partner.

You needed Seungcheol.

The jaeger program didn’t turn away recruits - everyone could do something - but there was an organized process to match up compatible pilots. Applying recruits would fight before an audience of previously-accepted but currently-unmatched potential pilots. The pilots would rank the fighters, choosing their top five based on perceived potential for compatibility.

Then, the roles would switch. The applicants became the audience. The audience became the show.

When it was your turn to fight, you silently pleaded with the universe that Seungcheol would mark you high as well. This was the only guarantee that you’d get a chance to spar with him, to test it out before the Marshall, who would make the final call.

Let him see, you begged. Let him see how perfectly we’d work together.

And, by some miracle, he did. In fact, he rated you first, as well.

Your sparring match went exactly how you expected - he barreled at you, and you dodged every move. He could easily take you out with a single blow, but he couldn’t get his hands on you, not when you used his own inertia against him at every turn. What you didn’t expect was your own inability to land a shot. For the whole fight, you were unable to move out of the defensive - keeping out of his reach took all of your effort.

It was a draw - the first sign of strong compatibility.

You didn’t talk after the match - your father whisked you away to recover before your second-rated match, and you didn’t see Seungcheol for the rest of the day.

The second-rated match was a dud. But you already knew, even then, that it didn’t matter.

You’d met your co-pilot. You’d found your partner.

—

He found you in the mess hall that night, dropping into an empty spot on the other side of the table, his tray in his hands. His black hair was loose and wavy, and his right arm sported a sizeable bruise that he definitely didn’t get from you.

“I know who you are,” he said by way of greeting. You raised a brow at him, waiting. “Your parents piloted Charron’s Revenge.”

You narrowed your eyes at him. “That better not be why you picked me.”

He gave his head an annoyed little flick. “Of course not. I picked you because you’re fluid - and I’m not.”

Appeased, you felt your hackles settle back down. “That’s true,” you allowed. “You’re not fluid. But you’re purposeful, and-”

You were interrupted when Yoon Jeonghan dropped into the seat to your left, chuckling under his breath as he fixed his long, dark hair into a spiky ponytail at the back of his head.

“Cherry, did you hear?” he asked you, ignoring the new-comer. “The crew for Fatal Rapids got called back in for misconduct.”

“Choi Seungcheol, Yoon Jeonghan,” you said, introducing the two young men. “Hannie does more than gossip, I promise. He’s one of the pilots for Devil’s Advocates. Their drop stats are insane.”

“In practice only,” Jeonghan demurred. “For now.”

“Cherry?” Seungcheol parroted, raising a dark brow. “That’s not what I wrote on my paper earlier.”

“Just a nickname,” you explained. When you were very small, you’d struggled with the name of your parents’ jaeger, calling it Cherry’s Revenge instead of Charron’s, and the crew - who doted on you like their own - started the habit of calling you Cherry. Somehow, it had spread, and stuck. “Only my parents use my real name. But you can call me whatever you’re comfortable with.”

“No,” he said, frowning as if deeply considering his options. “I like it.”

You folded your arms on the table, leaning in to peer at Seungcheol. “So, what’s your story? You’ve heard of me. I haven’t heard of you.”

He shrugged, glanced around, then decided he could talk freely. There’s something about being in a room that’s positively teeming with people and conversation - it gives you privacy without feeling too intimate. You’re not alone.

“Not much of a story, not like you,” he admitted. “I grew up thinking I’d take over my dad’s business. We lost my dad… then, we lost the business. I have no marketable skillset, and university was out of the question. But…” He trailed off, then met your gaze firmly. Something in his look demanded you forgo any pity or sympathy, demanded you take him seriously. “I’m strong. So I came here. I came to fight.”

You sidestepped the bruises he’d bared. “Not like me,” you repeated with a bit of a scoff. “I hate to disappoint you, but my parents are the pilots - the story is theirs. I don’t have one, not yet.”

Something playful glinted in his eyes, the first true sign of personality you’d seen. “So all the rumors about the Princess of the Shatterdome aren’t true?”

Your jaw dropped. You’d heard the nickname before - it was never meant nicely. You tried to ignore it as best you could - people could think what they wanted. When you had a crew, when you had a jaeger, you’d be able to prove them wrong. “What rumors?”

“You’re spoiled,” Jeonghan supplied, having decided he was part of the conversation after all. “Entitled.”

You spluttered as Jeonghan stood, giving you a cheerful pat on the shoulder. “And bitchy! That’s just what I’ve heard. Of course I know better. Anyway, I’ve got to go. Love ya!”

You stared incredulously after him as he disappeared, your face burning with embarrassment and your heart hammering with adrenaline. Fight, your systems told you.

If only you could.

Seungcheol bit back a smile, reaching out to pat your arm placatingly.

“I don’t…” you started to say, but your voice caught in your throat. You cleared it, tried again. “I don’t think I really deserve all that.”

He nodded, lips pushed into a semblance of a thoughtful pout. “What I’d heard,” he said calmly, “is that you’re a hell of a fighter, scary smart, and that you take no shit. Unless it’s from your friends, apparently.”

This made a bitter little laugh bubble from you. You still simmered with humiliation, feared that maybe he’d decide he didn’t want to co-pilot with you after all.

“I think it’s up to you which story gets told,” he said finally.

“Yeah,” you said, nodding. “That’s what I always said. So… let’s get started.”

—

You and Seungcheol lucked out - the team that had been recalled for misconduct were terminated from their posts in the weeks following the sparring trials, and their jaeger Fatal Rapids had been disassembled, the parts up for grabs.

You and Seungcheol repurposed Rapids’s main frame, your crew working to individualize the bot to your needs as best they could. You splurged on quad-processors for her legs to allow your jaeger to keep up with how you move - quick and lithe. Seungcheol lobbied for (and won) some extra power in the top half, and you compromised and chose a mix of red and blue sections for her paintjob.

Duellona Fury, you named her. Duellona for you, the destroyer. Fury for Seungcheol, because that was where his fight came from.

You got to know Seungcheol’s fury very well. Especially when you started trying to drift.

None of it happened fast - not the building of your machine, nor your neural handshake. In fact, you didn’t pilot Duellona Fury together for a whole calendar year.

You started with physical compatibility - you sparred almost all day, every day. You fought - with each other and against each other - until all you could do was lay on the ground and pant, blinking to make the ceiling stay in focus.

Seungcheol may not have grown up training in the Shatterdome the way you did, but he kept up without complaint. You learned his way - force and strength - and he learned the way you favored - to weave and dodge.

The fighting was the easy part.

You had never drifted with someone you had true drift compatibility with. Seungcheol had never drifted at all. The Marshall wouldn’t even consider hooking the two of you up to the machine until you went through the proper training.

On the day you and Seungcheol were officially declared as co-pilots-in-training, you both stood below the half-built shell of your towering jaeger, sparks flying and drills screaming as the crew worked on her.

Your Marshall looked seriously at his new team-in-training. “Starting tomorrow, you’ll meditate together. Talk to each other. Get deep about it. If you’ve talked about it out here-” he swept an arm across the deck, “-it won’t take hold so strongly in there.” He’d jabbed a finger in the upward direction of Duellona Fury.

Seungcheol didn’t look at you, nor the Marshall. Instead, he kept his eyes on Duellona's unfinished frame, stories above you. “Yes, Sir,” he said steadily.

Your parents weren’t technically retired yet, the year you and Seungcheol started training together. Charron’s Revenge still sat in the well below the Shatterdome. They still lived on the base, still took part in daily training. They hadn’t been called into a fight in years, though; the assignments went to the younger crews.

You took dinner in their quarters instead of the mess hall, that night.

“Congratulations,” your father said warmly from across the table. “You worked hard to get here.”

“Thank you,” you said, feeling shy beneath the praise. “I hope the drift will work for me and Choi Seungcheol.”

“What do you think of him?” your mother had asked, her sharp eyes honing in on you, watching your reactions.

“I think he’s a great fighter,” you said. “The rest… I guess I’ll have to learn.”

“Do you trust him? Can you trust him out there, when the sea and the wind are trying to knock you down, and hell itself rises up from the depths?”

You swallowed. She’s right for her intensity - they will be putting their daughter’s life in her co-pilot’s hands, every time there’s a fight. You knew firsthand how terrifying it was to stand in the tech bay and wait, not knowing if your loved ones will make it back.

You thought about how you and Seungcheol fight together in the sparring rooms. You thought about how you weaved and your opponent followed your movement, only to be knocked sideways. You thought of how Seungcheol followed your motion backwards, ducked in tandem with you to avoid a hit, and how you followed his momentum forward and up to attack. Your bodies followed each other like they were magnetized. And Seungcheol was always watching for the next hit.

“Yes,” you said, so quietly that you cleared your throat and said it again. “Yes, I trust him.”

“Then we wish you luck,” your father said, and raised his glass. “To Duellona Fury.”

“To Duellona Fury,” you echoed.

On your way out of the quarters, later, you slowed as you passed the wall where they hung their accolades and awards, the newspaper clippings, photos, and medals. Before your eyes they aged - the photographs changing through the years, no longer showing a bright, fiery couple, instead displaying proof of passing time: a baby bump, then a toddler, then a child beaming alongside them as if she’d done what they had done; greying hairs, softening bodies, deepening of wrinkles. Then the pictures stopped.

You never asked them if they missed it.

—

You and Seungcheol started meditating together the next morning; it seemed logical to begin at the easiest step. In an empty sparring room, you sat facing each other, knees touching.

“Have you done this before?” you asked, as you both settled in, shifting weight and adjusting ankles.

“Not with someone else,” he admitted, lips protruding in a bit of a pout. “Only alone.”

You nodded. You’d grown up learning all of this - the right way to fight as a team member, how to be in tune for a neural connection. It led to you teaching Seungcheol often - yet when you fought together, any leadership fell away.

“Normally,” you explained, “you focus on your breath, keeping your mind clear. But for our practice, you want to focus on our breath. We breathe together. And when your mind wanders, your awareness should be coming to peace with my presence there. Like, making a path for the neural connection - for later. So there’s no resistance.”

“Have you done this before?” Seungcheol asked.

You wobbled your head around - not yes, but not no. “I’ve practiced it - I’ve done the meditation with partners. But I’ve never moved forward to an actual drift with anyone.”

This seemed to appease him, and he settled his weight backwards, letting his hands rest near his knees.

You let your eyes float closed and inhaled, listening and feeling for Seungcheol’s inhale to end, letting your breath out when he did. It took no time to match your breaths, to let your mind go blissfully quiet. You focused on feeling open, readable - any thought that floated through your mind, you pretended he could hear, too. You tried to feel and release any defensiveness, any urge to close off.

When the timer went off, it surprised you. You opened your eyes, and the feeling that struck you was this -

It was surprising to see Seungcheol before you. It hadn’t felt like he was beside you. It had felt like he was you.

You meditated, you fought, and finally, you talked.

Laying on the sparring room floor, your head somewhere near Seungcheol’s shins, he asked you, “Where do you wish you were right now? If you weren’t here.”

You laughed at yourself before answering, knowing how silly you would sound. “In a tree.”

A disbelieving smile played on his lips, almost as if he wasn’t sure you weren’t making fun of him somehow. “A tree?”

“No, really,” you insisted, still smiling a little. “There’s not a lot of nature here, in case you didn’t notice. I grew up in the Dome - never got to leave, much.”

Seungcheol didn’t respond to this, just nodded like he understood, his small smile going a bit tight around the edges.

You frowned, reading him exactly. “You think I’m sheltered,” you observed. It wasn’t a question. He couldn’t say no.

He looked at you, then. “You were sheltered,” he said, voice low. “But when I say it, I don’t mean naive. I just think… there’s a lot of world out there. A lot of things to see. You won’t see any of it if you spend your entire life under the Dome.”

You nod, accepting this. “I won’t see any of it if it gets destroyed, either. There’s a lot of world out there - that we’re trying to keep safe.”

Seungcheol watched you intently for a moment, lips downturned and gaze heavy. Then, he asked, “Have you ever seen a kaiju? I mean - in person?”

“Sort of,” you mumbled.

He’d rolled from his back to his front, closer to you, putting you shoulder to shoulder. “Kind of seems like a yes-or-no question.”

Your lips twisted. “Then, no. But I’ve stood in the bay and listened to Mission Control talk my mom and dad through a fight dozens of times, watched Charron’s Revenge on the screens and prayed I wouldn’t see her get sawed in half.”

You stopped, trailed a finger through the thin layer of dirt on the floor. “I know it’s not the same as looking one in the face myself,” you whispered. “But the fear… shouldn’t that fear count, shouldn’t it feel the same?”

Seungcheol swallowed, trailed his own finger through the dirt until his fingertip just barely touched yours. It felt like energy sizzled in the centimeter between your pointer and his.

“When Menaceclaw attacked,” he said, “he missed my home by one block. We watched him go by from the sidewalk. I wasn’t even as tall as his foot. But even with him towering over the buildings, taking them down without even trying, I don’t think what I felt was afraid. I think I just felt resigned. Like I knew, at seven, that even though we survived this one… nothing was going to be… the same, or okay. I don’t know.”

“You knew what you lost,” you said quietly. “Part of you did.”

He looked up at you, nudged his finger into yours. “You never knew anything different. It wasn’t a loss. The fear was just always part of the deal.”

You rolled sideways, laying your head on your bicep for a pillow, regarding the dark-eyed, dark-haired young man across from you. His face scrunched in a laugh, brows furrowing and lips pouting.

“What?” he asked through the quiet laugh. “Why are you looking at me?”

“What else?” you mused. “What else am I going to find when we go tiptoeing through your memories?”

He smiled faintly and then mirrored you, laying his head on his arm, his eyes swimming as he thought.

“A lot of my family, probably,” he said. “A lot of fighting. Menaceclaw. Probably some very mid sex.”

You laughed without meaning to. “My condolences?”

He grinned at you, pleased. “Eh, what can you do? I try to treat everything like a learning experience.”

You laughed again, and his smile grew, gums showing. “What about you?” he asked off-handedly.

“Mid sex?” you asked, eyebrows raising. “I hate to inform you, Choi Seungcheol, but I don’t do anything mid.”

“No,” he protested, laughing, reaching out to gently shake your shoulder. “I meant - what will we see when it’s your turn?”

“The Dome,” you said, half-joking - but it was true. “Training. My parents. Their fights, their accomplishments.”

And, as a true drift partner should, he understood what you weren’t saying.

“We’ll have our turn,” he promised, pushing himself to sit up, then stand, reaching down to help you up. “We’re gonna be fucking unstoppable. Let’s go again.”

Fire sparking behind your ribs, you nodded seriously, then reached up to take his hand.

—

Weeks of sparring melded into months of meditation and talking. The next phase of training co-pilots was learning to drift in one of the simulators - but not in a jaeger. Not yet.

You and Seungcheol finished training in one of the sparring rooms shortly before dinner would be served in the mess hall.

“Meet you there?” you asked, still half-breathless, your body starting to ache as the adrenaline from a fight melted away.

“Sure,” he agreed, and you disappeared into the changing rooms, scrubbing the sweat and dirt away as quickly as you could. You changed into something clean and made your way to the mess hall.

You scanned for familiar faces, frowning when your normal table seemed to be occupied by a team of new recruits that you didn’t know.

Seungcheol appeared at your elbow, frowning dramatically. “Our table,” he whined.

“There’s Chan and Wylie,” you said, nodding to another corner where your friends sat practically on top of each other. Chan and Wylie had never understood personal space, not when it came to one another. They barely noticed when you and Seungcheol plopped onto the benches next to them, but Seungkwan did.

“You’re bleeding, Cherry,” he said, before inhaling an entire mouthful of rice.

You started to scan your arms - you didn’t feel pain anywhere - but Seungcheol found it first, gingerly swiping his thumb along your cheekbone.

“Sorry, Cherry,” he murmured. “I should’ve pulled that punch.”

“No you shouldn’t have,” you grumbled, swatting at his hand and wiping roughly at the spot, your hand coming away with a small smear of red - nothing to be alarmed about. It would stop on its own. “You pull shots in practice, you’ll hesitate in the field.”

“She’s right,” Chan said from his physical tangle with Wylie. “What you practice will show up in your muscle memory. You’ve got to mean it, every time.”

Wylie reached across his arms and took a bite from his plate, then asked, “Did you guys see the new jaeger?”

“I did,” Seungkwan said eagerly. “Chaser Supernova, or something like that? She’s smaller, but she’s supposed to be fast.”

“Is that her team at our normal table?” you asked dryly, shooting the rookies a dark look over your shoulder. Seungcheol jostled you playfully, sending you a smile that brought you back.

The bench dipped to your left, and you turned to see Soonyoung - one of Seungkwan’s two co-pilots - settle in.

“Talking about Supernova?” he asked, hands busy opening his drink. “They seem okay - they’re a trio, like us.”

“Where is Seokmin?” Seungkwan asked, scanning the room. “I haven’t seen him in like two hours.”

“Talking to Jihoon, I think,” Soonyoung answered absently, focused on his meal. “He lost another co-pilot today.”

“Not again,” you and Seungcheol both blurted, matching levels of exasperation.

“That was freaky,” Wylie said, just as Chan told you, “You two are acting like us, now.”

“We do not need another Chan-and-Wylie,” Seungkwan said seriously, shaking his head.

Seungcheol sent you a sideways, sheepish grin.

“We won’t be,” he promised the group, but his eyes were still on you.

—

The simulators were built to be exact replicas of the conn-pod, so that trainees could get used to the feeling of being strapped in, of moving with the gear. But the real purpose was to practice the neural handshake without risking damage - to the jaeger, to the tech bay, to each other.

“Don’t be nervous,” you told Seungcheol as the tech team worked around you both like a choreographed dance.

“I’m never nervous,” he said, suddenly cocky.

If you could reach his hand from where you were strapped in, you would have. If you understood anything about Seungcheol - if any part of him mirrored you - it was the way he showcased bravado, the way he used it as his most-familiar mask.

“It’s only practice,” you reminded him. “And it’s only me.”

He licked his lips quickly, eyes darting to the side and then back to you. Then, he gave you a small nod.

“Normally,” your chief tech - a beautiful woman with jet-black hair named Nainsi - told you, “right now, you would be ready for the drop. In the simulator, we skip that step because we aren’t dropping onto a jaeger. Instead, we’ll engage the pilot to pilot connection protocol sequence.”

You and Seungcheol nod in tandem.

“You’re all good?” Nainsi checks. “Then I’m going back into the tech bay - you’ll hear me through the intercom.”

Alone in the simulator, you met Seungcheol’s gaze and couldn’t help the excited grin that spread across your face. Finally, finally you were here. Once you could do this successfully, the next step was to fight in your own jaeger - to drop into Duellona Fury and walk into the sea.

He didn’t return your smile, instead giving you a tight nod, expression serious.

Over the intercom, you said clearly, “Ready and aligned.”

Nainsi answered, “Prepare for neural handshake.”

You took a deep breath and steeled yourself as the artificial voice of the simulator’s tech system spoke around you, 3… 2… 1… neural handshake initiating…

At first, you thought something went wrong. Everything went red behind your eyelids, and you blinked, instinctively trying to clear it away.

The red faded, and you found yourself in Seungcheol’s childhood home. You didn’t know how you knew that - you just knew. It was as familiar to you, inside the drift, as your own. You knew that to your left was a small kitchen with two broken floor tiles; you knew - without having ever seen it - that to your right was a narrow hallway that led to a bathroom and two small bedrooms.

Two small boys played on the carpet; rather, the smaller one played with some toy cars while the other watched the television with rapture. Behind them, at the kitchen table, a woman typed busily on an outdated laptop, bags heavy under her eyes.

Somewhere around you, a voice floated by, telling you, neural handshake strong and holding.

You could see Seungcheol in your periphery - the adult Seungcheol, the Seungcheol of now - as he looked at his mother, his brother, himself.

“It’s not real,” you reminded him gently. “It’s just a memory.”

“I know,” he said back, voice hushed, as if he might scare them away. “It’s just… good to see them.”

The house evaporated as gently as morning dew under a mid-morning sun; you stood in a schoolyard. Seungcheol, the small one, had a bloody lip and a mean swing.

You felt a rush of affection for him - him, the child, face contorting with misplaced anger, using strength as a bandage. You wanted to stand in front of him, between him and the anger, him and the other kids, and let him take a breath. You wanted to tell him to step with his punch to get more power. You wanted to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him, you’re going to be fine.

And he knew all of it, because he was in your mind.

Seungcheol - your Seungcheol - walked away from the swarm of children egging on the fight and opened a door. You followed.

Inside was not the school, but a hospital room. Your body jolted forward, distracting and alarming. You heard, faintly, a series of beeps, that robotic voice needling in your ears, saying, calibration failure… recalibrating in 3… 2… 1…

“It’s only a memory,” you said again, but the warning beeps were coming stronger, louder, more clearly. The hospital room looked opaque, and Seungcheol walked backwards towards you, away from it, herding you both out of the room. The room - a bed, a pulled curtain, a lot of white - flickered, like a glitch, and then vanished, leaving you standing in the simulator.

Neural handshake disengaged…

“Seungcheol!” you yelled, pulling your helmet off and wheeling on him as best you could with most of your body still strapped in. “What the hell was that? You pushed me out!”

He was breathing hard, eyes a little wild. “Not that,” he said, a little ragged. “I’ll let you in but - not that.”

“You don’t get to choose!” you snapped. Part of you knew this was just growing pains, he’d never drifted before, he was learning. But the rest of you smarted and stung - both from his rejection and from your failure to train, to succeed, to check off this final step before you could get inside your jaeger. “It’s kind of an all-or-nothing thing!”

He let out a billow of air, reaching a hand up to rub at his face. “Sorry. I’ll… let’s try again.”

You didn’t answer, fuming silently instead.

“I’m sorry, Cherry,” he said. “The stuff with my dad…”

“You can’t cherry-pick what we see and what we don’t,” you fired back. His eyes shot to yours and his mouth quirked and you read the joke all over his face. “Don’t you laugh, Seungcheol, it’s not funny!”

But you were laughing through the scolding.

“Stop,” you whined.

Your anger defused, he looked at you again, taking a bracing breath. “It’s not about you,” he tried to explain. “I’m not keeping you out. I’m keeping me out.”

“Don’t chase the rabbit,” you told him, shaking your head. “See what it wants you to see and move on. Find the next door. If you stand there and let your hurt - or your, I don’t know… grief - rise up… that’s when we’re going to have trouble.”

“Find the next door,” he repeated, eyes on the floor. “Got it.”

“You can’t push it away,” you reminded him, “but you don’t have to stay in it, either.”

He nodded, eyes already lighting up, ready to go again.

The second time, you saw him steel himself before opening that same door, watching carefully as he shuffled inside, only looking sideways at the hospital room that materialized around you.

“Seungcheol.”

He turned to look at you, wide-eyed, but you hadn’t called him. The voice, weak and hoarse, had come from the other side of the fluttering curtain.

The glitching started almost immediately - the image around you flickering like a bad wall projection. Something rocked beneath your feet, an earthquake only inside your minds.

You opened your mouth, started to tell him, you don’t have to stay, to remind him that he could move forward. Instead, you heard yourself say, “I’m here.”

The tremors under your feet quivered to a stop. You watched with trepidation and Seungcheol closed his eyes and took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Then, he held his hand out, waiting.

You slipped your hand into his, and then he turned and continued walking, ignoring his father’s memory calling out to him. The flickering stopped, the picture you were part of brightening again as you found the next door, stepped through, left his pain behind.

—

It got easier quickly. Seungcheol’s ability to press on, to maintain focus, strengthened.

The strolls through your mind went easier - you’d had years to practice maintaining focus, waiting until after to let the emotions hit you.

Seungcheol learned to be ready for you, after. He’d sit with you, silent, and breathe in tandem as you worked to let go, to release the images of Charron’s Revenge on the tech bay screen, the sounds of your parents’ frantic communication as they fought together, the fear crawling its way up your legs every time until someone in the bay said, “Charron’s Revenge, cleared to return.” The loneliness of being the only kid in the Dome, having no outlet except fighting. Everything that threatened your mind while you piloted, everything that you had to save for later - save for him.

You were both freshly turned twenty when you got green-lit to drive.

“Seungcheol!” you called across the mess hall, practically racing to your table. He turned, eyebrows raised, as you crossed the large room.

“We’re approved to drop!” you told him excitedly. It churned in you - finally, finally you could fight, you could prove what you could do, you could help. “We’re on the drop schedule for tomorrow!”

His grin was unfettered, unfiltered, just for you. He reached up a fist and you bumped it enthusiastically. You were too excited to eat, too excited to sleep. You tossed and turned, imagining experiencing a drop for the first time, imagining striding through the mighty sea like it was nothing, imagining staring down hell itself and bringing it to its knees.

You were still awake when you heard the alarms down the hall. Yours didn’t go off, because you weren’t on duty, weren’t approved to fight.

Down the hall, there was a flurry of commotion - shouting, rushing, people pushing past you as they pulled on boots and jackets.

“Cat-3 in the west bay,” someone shouted.

“Deploying Devil’s Advocate!”

You reached the tech bay, trying to stay out of the way but not unseen. When the Marshall strode by, you stepped sideways.

“Let us drop,” you said quickly, knowing time was precious. “It’ll be like practice. We can be back-up. We’ll hang back.”

“Absolutely not,” the Marshall said, already moving to work past you. “You’re not approved yet. We don’t need a liability right now.”

“We’re scheduled for tomorrow!” you protested, and then you felt a hand on your shoulder.

“We’ll get our turn,” Seungcheol told you quietly. Of course he’d come out, of course he found you.

You deflated. “It could have been us. We are hours from approval.”

He gave your shoulder a tiny shake. “We’ll get our turn,” he repeated. “Don’t make trouble.”

You glowered, but you knew he was right. “Fine,” you grumbled as Joshua and Jeonghan slinked past you in matching jackets and matching shit-eating grins. You stayed out of the way as they prepared to drop.

You stayed through the fight, listened to the control room buzz and chatter, until you heard, “Devil’s Advocate, cleared to return.”

Only then did you try to go back to sleep. Seungcheol gave your shoulder one more squeeze.

“Tomorrow,” he promised.

“Tomorrow,” you repeated.

—

Some people feel God at church. The history of tradition and the sanctity of ritual speak to them, help them feel part of something, help them feel that unnameable swell of something spiritual.

Some people feel God in nature. The patterns of the universe, the way math exists without human touch, the harmonies and patterns that seem too intricate for coincidence help them believe in a planner’s touch. The beauty of the outdoors allows them to wonder, to feel like they belong as a piece of this clockwork.

But you - you felt God when you stood before your jaeger, marveling at the power, the beauty, how it feels like yours, how it feels like Seungcheol before you’re even inside it. Duellona Fury promises you power, promises you purpose.

That hand was on your shoulder again, and it slid down to the center of your back before removing itself.

Beside you, Seungcheol stared up at your glorious machine.

“She looks sick,” he said, the grin taking over his face.

“I can’t wait to fuck shit up,” you murmured, your reverent tone at odds with the flippancy of your words.

“Ready?” the Marshall asked you, coming up to your left. “We’ll get you calibrated and dropped, and then you’ll do a lap of the bay. We’re sending out Pretty Savage just in case you run into trouble.”

The defensiveness rose in you quick, like a snakebite.

“We don’t need a babysitter,” Seungcheol said, voice hard. You reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze - a reminder to watch it, just as his hand on your shoulder frequently did for you.

“It’s just safety protocol.” The Marshall was unphased by the outburst. “Have fun, you two. Enjoy your first joy-ride.”

You screamed when you dropped, the exhilaration rushing out of you as Duellona Fury fell story after story before slowing and attaching to your jaeger’s mainframe.

Goosebumps raised along your arms when the Shatterdome’s sea-doors slid open, shudders traveling your body as you and Seungcheol stepped together, Duellona Fury stepping with you, her gigantic, metal form following every movement.

For the first time in your whole, careful life, you felt powerful. Your jaeger cut through the ocean waves like they were nothing, making an easy perimeter of the bay. In your head, you could somehow both hear and feel Seungcheol’s delight, his low-simmering desire to fight, to do something a perfect mirror of your own.

“How is it?” Soonyoung’s voice crackled in your ears, reminding you that Pretty Savage wasn’t far behind you.

“Incredible,” Seungcheol answered him, at the same time that you said, “It’s everything.”

It didn’t matter that you came from a family of pilots. It didn’t matter that you were raised in the Dome, training since you were young. None of that mattered. You were born for this - born to fight for your planet, born for Duellona Fury, born for Choi Seungcheol.

—

The west bay became Duellona’s playground; you and Seungcheol were often assigned to patrol there.

It was only a few months in that you faced a kaiju for the first time.

“Come in, Duellona Fury,” Nainsi’s voice came through. “We have a reading just a few miles north of you. Cat-2. Approaching at -”

Duellona Fury was turning due north before the command was even given.

“Are you ready for this?” you shouted to Seungcheol as Duellona slid through the water, the adrenaline singing in your system already.

“You know I am,” he answered, something hard in it, and the thrill in your stomach sparked.

When the sea split in half, the kaiju rising from the depths with an unearthly roar, you sank into a defensive stance, feeling Seungcheol move beside you, doing the same.

“Let’s fucking go,” Seungcheol said darkly, and launched forward, your arms rearing back for momentum before the first swing. The punch landed solidly, your whole body shaking once as the kaiju faltered backwards a few steps.

It opened its mouth and you glimpsed three rows of teeth bigger than a cow before it was lunging at you; Duellona Fury lurched. You tried to duck sideways as Seungcheol tried to move towards your opponent.

The moment of indecision cost you - the kaiju got its teeth on Duellona’s shoulder, knocking you back several steps. Beside you, Seungcheol roared as sparks flew near the bite.

“Are we breached?” you yelled, trying to steady your balance again.

“Not yet!” he yelled back, and you swung again, a hit landing hard enough to knock the kaiju loose, spitting it back into the sea.

You tried to move into a defensive crouch again; again, the jaeger faltered.

“Cherry!” Seungcheol yelled, desperation laced in his voice. “Cherry, don’t fight me!”

“Move with me!” you answered, and he did, miraculously, Duellona dodging left before an incoming attack.

Don’t fight me.

You rocked forward with Seungcheol as soon as you were clear of the kaiju’s trajectory, just as you’d done in practice thousands of times. Back in sync, Duellona Fury landed a kick to the kaiju’s middle that sent it stumbling.

“We’ve got him,” you said, feeling a win.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Seungcheol warned you. No sooner were the words out of his mouth than the kaiju exploded from the dark ocean, limbs flailing as it flew towards you.

Duellona’s arms came up and locked it in battle, the impact shaking you so hard that your teeth chattered against each other. You groaned with exertion as you tried to match its strength.

“I don’t think we can hold it,” you managed through grit teeth.

“We’ve got this,” your partner promised, and with a mighty shove, you managed to flip the beast over your shoulder and beneath the waves.

“Drop the bombs and head for the east side,” you said quickly, already moving. Duellona Fury followed your command, turning and starting an easy run through the bay’s churning waters, away from where the kaiju was struggling to its feet, furious and vengeful. As she ran, she dropped three small explosives, about sixty feet apart. The explosives slipped into the ocean depths.

“Ready?” Seungcheol asked, a little breathless. “Are we far enough away?”

“Light him up,” you replied. Seungcheol reached up and tapped the button; somewhere behind you, the ocean exploded.

—

“How’s your shoulder?” you asked, later, in the med bay.

“Not that bad,” Seungcheol said, but you could see the blood-stains on the bandaging.

“It won’t happen again,” you promised. “I think I just… practiced alone for so long. I forgot to listen. I’m sorry.”

Seungcheol shook his hand, eyes finding yours. “There’s nothing to forgive, Cherry. Forget about it.” Then, he brightened. “You know what I want to do?”

“What?” you asked, not entirely past feeling guilty.

His smile was devilish. “I want to go celebrate our first fucking kill.”

– 

You marked the passing of two years in statistics.

Three hundred and forty-six explosives detonated.

Two hundred and eighty-three drops. Two hundred and eight-three kills. 

Seventy-two mainframe repairs.

Twenty-eight achievement awards.

Nine television interviews.

Six upgrades.

One ill-informed “vacation” during which you both itched with anxiety, spending the whole time messaging your friends back in the Shatterdome desperately, praying you wouldn’t miss a fight in which you were needed.

Seven hundred and thirty days of living in and around Seungcheol’s mind and heart. But that stat should’ve gone first.

It was a good high. Your team had a good run.

It wasn’t a kaiju that reduced it to ash, not an attack that took your team out of the rotation of main fighters and sent your jaeger to gather rust and dust below the Dome. It was your own stupid heart.

There were a lot of moments that could have been it. Each time you walked into a fight knowing the danger, each time he ended up in the med bay reeking of antibacterial ointment and resentment. Each time you slid into your place beside him - space he saved only for you. Each time his voice bidding you goodnight from the bottom bunk was the last thing you heard at the end of the day. Any of these moments might have been the one to make you stop, gasp, suddenly slammed with understanding. That you loved him, that he was everything you couldn’t bear to be without, that he was part of you. But they weren’t.

There was no moment of realization at all.

Instead, it slowly seeped into your consciousness, as gently and naturally as morning dew collecting on pre-dawn petals. The knowledge clung to you, as impossible to ignore as damp feet after running barefoot through the yard just after sunrise.

If you knew something, that meant your co-pilot would know it, too.

Unless you tucked it away, pushed it down deep and cast his attention elsewhere, a mental sleight-of-hand. Look here instead. 

You were twenty-three, on a routine patrol, when Mission Control radioed Duellona that there was a reading in the bay.

“Looks like it’s only a Cat-1,” Mission Control told you.

“On it,” you told them, feeling your body already mirroring Seungcheol’s as Duellona picked up her pace, striding through the waves. 

You glanced sideways at him, and immediately wished you hadn’t. He was already zoned in, eyes focused and jaw sharp as he concentrated. 

He caught your gaze for only a second. “Focus, Cherry,” he cautioned. “Don’t get cocky.”

“I would never,” you retorted, and he laughed. You were both cocky; you both knew it.

For a second, things felt better. 

The fight was almost easy, when the ocean seemed to split in two and the waves fell away like wrapping paper to reveal the kaiju you’d been sent for. 

You swung and ducked, dropping explosives strategically, Seungcheol moving in unison with you. There was something graceful about it - something beautiful in the sync, something holy in the way your muscles mimicked each other’s. 

This is what happens when sunlight hits morning dew: it warms, lifts, makes the air humid and sticky until it burns away. 

It rose up in you, your love for him, infusing the air around you, infusing the neural handshake that he was deeply imbedded in.

No. 

You panicked, tried to do several things at once - tried to shove the feeling down, tried to think of something else, tried to push Seungcheol’s consciousness out of yours.

Duellona Fury lurched around you, shuddering. 

“Cherry!” Seungcheol screamed to your left, and then the kaiju hit, its full weight slamming into Duellona’s mainframe.

You both staggered, trying to right yourselves, as the machines around you blinked and beeped and rebooted. 

Seungcheol grunted under the neural weight of driving alone as you gasped and closed your eyes, trying desperately to fix it. Around you, you heard the floating words - recalibrating.

“Recalibrate faster!” you shouted, glancing sideways to see your co-pilot struggling to hold the monster in place, his face contorting with effort, arms straining against the machinery. He bared his gritted teeth, exhaling in a hiss between them. 

You gave yourself a shake, bouncing on the balls of your feet, desperate for the connection to take again so you could pick up your half, take the literal weight from him. As soon as you felt the neural handshake, you gave a mighty shove and Duellona flipped the monster backwards, the ocean receding and then coming back to slam her shins, swallowing the monster whole.

You both sank into a defensive stance, ready for the beast to rise again.

“What was that?” Seungcheol demanded, later, as he sat in the med bay, waiting for his nosebleed to stop. The nosebleed you’d caused by letting him carry a neural load meant for two.

“I don’t know,” you lied, still panicked and desperate. 

“Bullshit,” Seungcheol countered, eyes narrowed. He reached up and pulled the cotton away from his face, examining it. “I’m fine now,” he announced, and tossed the wad into a nearby trash bin, standing.

You fought the urge to cower, knowing he’d never let it go if you did. You followed him silently out of the med bay and back towards your dormitories. Halfway there, he slowed, then stopped.

Then, more calmly this time, he asked, “What happened, Cherry? You pushed me out.”

There was a slight pout to it, a sliver of hurt, and it sliced through you like something tangible, like you were actually wounded from it, like it might actually bleed.

“I don’t know,” you repeated. Guilt poked at you until you relented, gave him something that was at least partly true.  “I got scared.” 

“That can’t happen, and you know it,” he said seriously, his large frame casting a long shadow to your left as he leaned into your space. “You can’t keep secrets - that’s piloting 101. We’ve got to handle it. You know what’s at stake here.”

You did; you did, and that was entirely the problem. It wasn’t just feelings, it wasn’t just your relationship with Seungcheol at stake. It was your relationship with your co-pilot - your ability to fight was at stake, your ability to keep others safe. Your legacy.

Your parents’ wall of pictures flashed in your mind.

“I’m going to my mom and dad’s for a while,” you said quietly. 

He nodded, let you run away - trusted you to come back to him when you were ready, trusted you to let him in.

You weren’t sure if he was right or wrong, as you walked away and left him behind.

You didn’t go to your parents’, though. Instead, you went to the tech bay and sat, watching Duellona undergo simple repairs from her fight. You stayed there, the metal cold beneath your thighs, watching the tech team buff over a scratch on your jaeger’s torso, until someone dropped into the spot next to you, bumping their shoulder roughly into yours.

“Where’s Seungcheol?” Wylie, who co-piloted Fury Striker with Chan, was your closest friend in the Dome besides Seungcheol. 

“He’s pissed at me,” you answered, looking sideways, because the question had really meant, why isn’t Seungcheol with you? 

You weren’t sure she’d understand what you were going through - she and Chan had been obsessed with each other since they were kids. Neither of them had ever had to fear that their love for each other would mess anything up. It had been part of their deal from the start.

“What’d you do?” Wylie demanded, turning her full, unfettered attention on you. You wanted to shrink from the intensity of it - but that was always how Wylie worked: full wattage, all the time.

“Almost got us killed by a fucking Cat-1 tonight,” you muttered, angry at yourself, angry at your heart.

Wylie smacked your arm hard enough to send you sideways. “Cherry!” she scolded. 

“There was something I didn’t want him to see.” You said it in your head first, weighed the words, then forced them through your teeth. You hoped she’d just know what it was, hoped you wouldn’t have to force those words past muscle and bone, too.

Wylie’s face dropped into irritation. “Cherry,” she repeated, disappointment dripping from the two syllables.

You looked up at Duellona Fury again. 

“You can’t do that,” she told you, giving your ankle a little kick for emphasis. “You know you can’t do that.”

You can’t love him? Or, you can’t keep secrets from him?

You didn’t ask. You didn’t want to know the answer.

Seungcheol was waiting up for you when you finally returned to the dorm. You opened the door to find the first room - an entryway and kitchen, both - dimly lit. Beyond it, in the small sitting space, Seungcheol sat facing the door, his chin in his hand.

You knew the look on his face. You knew it so well that you almost ran from it, almost turned right around and went back out to the hallway.

Brows slightly furrowed, mouth a straight line, jaw tight. Eyes focused, locked in. It was the face he made in training before he bodied someone. It was the face he made in the field before an offensive strike. It meant he had his sights on a target, a problem, and he was about to throw everything he had at it.

And right now, you were the problem.

“Hey?” you tried meekly.

He nodded. Licked his lips. Stood. 

He’s pissed at me, you’d told Wylie. The energy radiating from your co-pilot was much more complex than that, the air around you palpably tense and teetering.

“How was it at your parents’?” he asked, voice low. 

You took one tentative step closer. “I didn’t go,” you admitted. One lie between you was already more than you wanted. “I watched them patch up Duellona instead. Talked to Wylie a little.”

He nodded, eyes still on you. Nervousness coursed through you, but it would be a lie - another one - to say it wasn’t laced with a little excitement. He was stunning, always, but like this - it almost took your breath away.

If he was in your mind right now, there’d be no question. He’d know all of it. The attraction, the desire, the fear, the affection, the love, the need. All of it. 

His eyes caught on a bruise peeking out from the short sleeve of your top. “You should’ve had them look at that,” he said, reaching out like he wanted to run his fingers over the dark splotch, but he was just too far away, fingertips closing around the air just an inch or two away. 

You shook your head. “You needed attention first. You carried the neural load alone.” Because of me.

“Only for a minute.”

“A minute too long. I’m… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

It hung between you. You don’t know if you’d inched forward or he had, or both, but you were close enough to touch now when you hadn’t been just seconds ago.

He lifted his eyes, his gaze locking on yours. In the dim room, his eyes shone black. “You pushed me out.”

It was an accusation, but it was also a question.

“I’m sorry,” you repeated, barely able to say it, your voice coming out in a hoarse whisper. “Seungcheol, I was scared.”

Maybe he was in your head. Maybe he did know all of it.

“Don’t be,” he told you. “Don’t be scared.”

His arms were around you though you didn’t see him move. It wasn’t the first time you’d let him embrace you - after a fight, in relief, or in victorious delight, or sometimes just in sleepy affection at the end of a long day. It was far from the first time that you’d found comfort in the space between his arms, strong and capable around your frame, your forehead pressed against his sternum as his heart beat directly into your bones. 

But it was the first time that his fingers, confident and sure, tipped under your chin, guiding you to look up at him, guiding your mouth to meet his.

You don’t know if you melted or exploded - it was somehow both at once. You gripped his back, feeling the muscles move beneath his t-shirt, relaxing into his hold and focusing on the feel of his full lips firm and hungry against your own. This was everything - everything you’d wanted, everything you were afraid of, everything you needed, everything that could rip your life apart.

You didn’t mean to whine, but it slipped up your throat and into the gasped space between your lips and his as you tried to pull in a desperate breath. He responded with a grunt, walking you backwards until the edge of the kitchen counter jutted into your lower back. His hands traveled, up to the back of your neck, back down to the slight curve of your waist, around to the back of your ass. He tugged your hips against his roughly, and you let your head fall back, panting, head spinning.

“Cherry,” he breathed against the newly bared stretch of your neck, his lips close enough to drag against your skin as he spoke.

Your hands found the back of his neck, gave the slightest tug upwards, and he followed, bringing his mouth back to yours. His tongue pressed yours briefly, your moan muffled entirely by his mouth as you tried to press him closer, closer, as if you wanted your rib-cages to meld, to slip together like fitting puzzle pieces. 

His hand slipped lower from your ass and wrapped around your thighs, taking only a second to lift you onto the counter behind you. You wrapped yourself around him immediately, pulling him into the space between your legs, arms around his neck, pulling him in, wanting to feel every bit of him against you. 

His hands found the hem of your shirt and lifted; you raised your arms in compliance and felt the cotton slip over your head and your hands.

“Yours,” you murmured, but he had already reached back between his shoulder blades, his own top joining yours on the floor.

Your hands found him on their own, sliding over his skin, fingers dipping between muscles, thumbs sweeping over shadows.

You kissed until you turned liquid, molten, your fingers wrapped in his hair. His fingers mapped every inch of your skin, as if his job was to report back on every previously unknown dip, every rough circle, every beauty mark or blemish. His fingers traced them all, his hands passing over you reverently.

The brush of his bare chest against your own was torturous; delicious until you were full, until you couldn’t take it anymore, until the electric-sharp thrill became uncomfortable. You tilted backwards, creating more space between your torsos but pushing your hips firmly into his.

You both groaned at the contact. You could feel the heat and weight of him now, and everything instinctual within you urged you to shift further, to bring that heat and heaviness closer to the part of you that ached for it. 

He pressed his hips into you without reservation, your core clenching in response to the movement and the friction. 

Then he leaned back, his hands gripping the edge of the counter, his arms bracketing you on either side, his chest heaving as he struggled to control his breathing. He drank you in, his eyes as molten as you felt. You leaned back on your elbows and met his gaze.

The moment expanded; nothing existed but his eyes and the pant of his breath and the way he smelled like he’d just finished a fight and the way he felt between your thighs, unmovable and steady.

Neither of you was connected to jaeger machinery, but you may as well have been, because you knew without a shadow of a doubt that your minds were connected, the drift be damned. Your eyes locked, you knew he felt everything you felt - the gravity of what you were doing, the love that drove you, the fire coursing through you. If there was going to be hesitation or questioning, this was the moment, this was the pause. But you were one, your minds were one, and there was none of that. 

His unvoiced question definitively answered by the certainty that flowed between you, Seungcheol moved to lift you again, taking you easily from the countertop into the dark of the room you share, settling you on your back on his bottom bunk.

Above you, mostly shadowed, was your other half, the only person who knew and understood every cobwebbed corner of your consciousness, the only person who had walked through your mind and found himself mirrored in every way that mattered. He was beautiful in the fractured light, his expression serious and gaze intense. 

You reached up to slide your thumb along his jaw and his eyes fluttered closed, his breath leaving him as in relief, as if you’d made some kind of admission. 

Making love to Seungcheol felt like drifting. His eyes on you as his fingers pulled you apart felt the same as the careful way he’d watch you when your memories got emotional, like he was watching for any sign that you weren’t okay, that you needed more or less or him. 

The way his breath and shoulders shuddered when he pressed into you for the first time felt the same as when he faltered in face of his father’s memory; both times, his fingers laced through yours and held tight until you could both breathe again.

He felt how you’d always known he would. Perfect - a perfect fit for you, a physical compatibility you had never tested but had always trusted would be there. He took you apart without even trying, and all you could do was hold onto him, feel all of him, feel all of it, and try to remember to breathe.

You didn’t speak as you moved together in the dark; the only sounds in the tight room were muted gasps, tiny moans muffled against necks, skin on skin, the obscene squelching sounds that accompanied each snap of his hips. You didn’t say the words that your lips tried to form - it’s so much, go slow for a little, Seungcheol, I love you, more - please, don’t stop. Maybe he heard them. Maybe this was a different way to drift, one that didn’t need wires.

You did your best to hold his gaze, losing sight of him only when you strained up to kiss him, when you nuzzled your face into the warmth between his neck and shoulder and gasped against a wave of sensation, when you couldn’t help but close them as they rolled back, your toes curling. 

He pressed his forehead to yours when he finished, your name slipping out of him, as if it had been literally squeezed from his lungs. “Cherry… Cherry…”

You lay together in silence for a long time, feeling your hearts slow, your skin cool. Your thumb traced his jaw again and again, slow, worshipful. “Cheol,” you whispered. My Cheol. My everything. You didn’t say the rest as you lay together in the quiet, in the dark, your heartbeats competing. 

You didn’t know that you’d drifted together for the last time. You didn’t know that your ability to neural connect could be broken.

–

The wind whips around you, stinging your face. You barely flinch. When you’d first relocated here, three years ago, the cold had made you literally cry during your first month. Just from having to walk from the door of the dormitory across the yard to the mess hall dorm, the intensity of it had sent you spiraling into misery - damning the circumstances that had sent you here, away from everyone and everything you knew and loved, to a place where the air hurt. 

You were sure it would hurt, this intensely, forever.

But time eased the sting, and despite your doubts you did adjust. Now the early morning wind feels bracing and refreshing rather than painful. You’ve adjusted to a lot of things since relocating to a small training center in Alakanuk, Alaska: the climate, the food, the no-frills campus you lived and worked on. Being away from your parents, from Wylie and Chan and Seungkwan and Jeonghan and all the other pilots you were friends with at the Shatterdome.

Being away from Seungcheol. Being partnerless, a half instead of a whole. 

Being unable to pilot, unable to fight. 

Being brokenhearted.

Just like the cold, the pain of your losses was the same - the sting of heartbreak and loneliness and homesickness faded to something ignorable, something you could keep tucked tight in the back of your mind. 

You can hear the noise from inside the mess hall before you even cross the courtyard. There are short of fifty girls ranging from ages seven to eighteen being housed here, but from the noise you’d swear it was at least a hundred. 

The buildings are single-storied, painted with a heavily-chipping grey-blue that sometimes seems to belong to the mist you often get rolling in from the ocean. When you’d first come, you’d legitimately thought they were painted that way as camouflage, meant to blend in with the sea. The other trainers had a good laugh about that. 

As you cross the courtyard between the trainers’ dorms and the mess hall, you breathe deeply, eyes on the birds alight above you. After a lifetime in the Shatterdome, you don’t take for granted the fresh air you’re afforded as you pass between buildings, outside, the sky open and changing above. You don’t take for granted the rhythm of the ocean, the cries of the gulls, nor the distant treeline.

It was Seungcheol who had noted that you were sheltered, having never lived outside of the Dome. 

It was Seungcheol you could blame - at least halfway - for your relocation here, where there wasn’t a jaeger or even a city for hundreds of miles. 

When you pull open the flimsy door to the mess hall, the noise triples. Several of the girls call out to greet you, and you give them a quick wave as you head to the table where the staff eats.

“You’re later than normal,” one of the other instructors notes as you reach for a piece of bread.

You shrug lightly, unbothered. “Still have plenty of time before the first class. What day is today, Thursday? I’ve got the little ones first, right?”

The all-girls training center is meant to teach fighting and the groundworks for drifting, but no jaegers are housed here, no teams launch into the icy bay. The girls here will grow up to pilot - if they get selected, if they get paired with a partner. 

You’re mostly here to teach them to fight, the way you trained in the Dome, but you do plenty more. Help brush hair in the mornings, console tearful faces, teach games and sports, mediate arguments. You also got sucked into running one literacy class a week, though you still haven’t figured out how that happened. 

It would be a lie to say this wasn’t fulfilling, that you didn’t love the girls you cared for, that you weren’t happy here with the ocean and birds and trees and laughter. In many ways, the seclusion of this training center is exactly what you needed to get back on your feet, to find strength in yourself, to heal with distance and time.

But, god, what you would give for a real fight. What you would give to feel both loved and threatened by Wylie, to rib at the guys, to hug your mom. What you would give to hear Seungcheol’s teasing pout, to catch his gaze across the span of your jaeger and know what his body and yours will do, to feel his fingers just barely graze your back when he knows you need to be reminded to focus.

The final time you’d tried, the neural connection never took. It was like trying to connect with a stranger. It had simply been still, a thing that was never alive.

“Don’t do this,” Seungcheol had begged, and that had been the nail in the coffin.

Don’t do this, he’d said. It had landed like blame. Like everything was your fault, and only yours. Like you had broken the connection on purpose, were keeping him out, barricading your mind from his when you desperately wanted everything to go right back to normal.

After that failure, you didn’t tell him you were asking to be reassigned. You didn’t want to give him the chance to say don’t do this a second time.

You’ve just ended a class, the girls starting to filter out through the training room’s side door towards the mess hall for lunch, when the center’s Administrator calls your name from the door.

“There’s a call for you on my line. I have them holding.”

A call? 

Adrenaline races through you; it has to be an emergency. Your parents and friends can reach you on your own device, which is tucked into your back pocket. To call the mainline here at the center means this is a base-to-base call, not a personal one.

You’ve only been in this office a handful of times in your few years here, and you shuffle awkwardly around the desk and pick up the receiver that sits abandoned on the chipped, wooden desktop. 

You greet the person on the line with your real name. 

“Cherry?”

Your Marshall - your old Marshall, from the Dome - sounds unsure if he has the right person on the line. No one has called you Cherry in three years. Even your parents have used your given name the few times they’ve said it on your weekly calls home.

“It’s me,” you affirm. “Is everything okay? My parents?”

“I didn’t mean to scare you,” he says, and you heave a relieved breath. “Everyone is fine. This is official business. I want to call you in.”

You shake your head, frowning, well aware that he can’t see your reaction. Your body has said no, but you force yourself to ask, “Me? Why?”

“We’re down a few teams,” the Marshall says. “And -”

“You’ve got more recruits than places to put them,” you counter before he can finish. “Call one of the new teams up. Call three new teams up. You don’t need me.”

“We do - we need teams with experience, teams that are ready. Not rookies bumbling around looking for mistakes. We need precision. We need Duellona Fury.”

Your Marshall lays out the situation: the teams that are out, the problems they’re having at the breach - less time between attacks, more monsters at once. You’ve seen this before, you all have, and there’s protocol in place - protocol that starts with all hands on deck. 

You shake your head again. From the door, the Administrator of the center watches you seriously, like she knows you’re being taken away. 

“Marshall, with all due respect, I don’t know why you’re calling me,” you admit. “What can I give you? I can’t pilot Duellona.”

Not anymore. 

The Marshall sighs, like he knew this argument was coming and didn’t have a good response. 

“I think you can,” he says finally. “I’m not saying it will be easy, and I’m not saying it will happen quickly or without effort. But I think you can.”

“No,” you say, the first time you’ve voiced it. “You were there. You saw what happened. We can’t drift anymore.”

“You couldn’t then,” he points out. “That was three years ago. You’ve both had a lot of time to…. You’ve both had a lot of time since then. Things that were once too painful to carry into the drift… they’ve had time to mellow.”

This blow knocks you into silence. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip, eyes steadfastly on the warped wood of the desk, fingers toying absently with the Administrator’s pen. 

He’s wrong, and you want to tell him so. Nothing had mellowed. You love Seungcheol just as much today as you did three years ago. The splitting ache in your chest that you’ve felt every day since you became aware of loving him has only worked its way deeper with time. 

And Seungcheol’s anger? The anger and betrayal he’d leveled at you, when he was sure you were keeping him out of your head on purpose? You couldn’t speak for him, but if you had to guess, there weren’t enough years in a human life to let that hurt mellow into something safe enough to drift with.

“Have you talked to him about this?” You’re afraid of the answer. 

The Marshall hesitates. “Not yet.”

“You might want to do that first,” you point out. “Before flying me back only to have him refuse.” 

The Marshall’s voice hardens, and you can just picture his eyes narrowing. “Mr. Choi will follow orders,” he says evenly, “and so will you. Asking is really just a courtesy.”

“You can’t order us into being able to drift again,” you snap, pulse suddenly pounding in your arms, your hands, your face, your chest. 

“No,” the Marshall says, and any previous friendliness is gone from his voice now, “but I can - and will - order you to try.”

The girls cry when you tell them you’re leaving, and it makes you want to cry, too. You hold it together as you give them hugs, hold it together as you pack your single bag of belongings. You hold it together in the passenger seat of the center’s only beat-up van, waving out the back window as the training center fades away.

It’s standing on the deck of the ferry, the coast receding and the sea wind clawing at your face, that you let it go. You bury your face behind your hands and feel it release behind your ribs. You cry for all of it - for leaving the girls behind, for leaving a place that had sheltered you like a sanctuary. For the time you’d lost at the Dome, for the fights you’d sat out, for the years with your parents and friends that had slipped away like sand between your fingers. For your fear that Seungcheol will turn you away, just as hurt and angry as he was one thousand and ninety-five days ago. 

You’d been so determined to keep him from walking through the depths of your love for him, in the drift. You were so scared it would be too much, too intense, too much emotion for the drift. You’d been scared it would be too much for him - that the weight of it would inherently ask for more than he could give you in return. You’d been scared it would ruin your partnership, your compatibility, your capability to co-pilot.

But that had happened anyway. You almost have to laugh. 

As furiously as your tears begin, they peter out quickly. You take a few deep gulps of salty air, use the backs of your hands to wipe at your cheeks and beneath your nose. As you calm down, you keep your eyes on the horizon, your hands tight on the ship’s railing, and you let your mind wander back to Seungcheol. Here, thousands of miles away, you let yourself think back to those last weeks before you left the Shatterdome. You let yourself wonder, for the first time, what exactly caused everything to crumble.

You’d been so afraid to let Seungcheol into your head once the loving him had taken over. Why had it scared you so badly? As you keep your eyes on the grey of the horizon, you puzzle it out in your mind.

Had it been the uncertainty? That had certainly played a part. Did Seungcheol love you, back then? If he didn’t, everything between you could have changed - your friendship, your partnership, your ability to drift. It hadn’t seemed worth the risk to lose it all - his presence in your life, your ability to fight together. 

But maybe he had. If he did love you, back then… that would have changed things, too. What if starting something romantic affected your drift? There were too many maybes, too many variables. It had seemed safe to push it all down, to try and keep him away from it. To try and keep things the same.

Of course, you’d lost it all anyway.

Even if he did love you three years ago, you think as the sea air whips around you, did he love you the way you loved him? What if it had been too much - the way you could breathe once he was with you, the way you kept each other in check - what if he had loved you, but not that much?

Had it been a mistake to keep him out? Maybe. But it could have been just as catastrophic to let him in. There was no way to know, now.

You turn away from the ship’s railing, away from the horizon and the sea, away from your mistakes. There’s no use looking back like this. You can’t change it. You aren’t even sure you can fix it.

You were hoping to sleep on the plane, but you’re woefully awake well after take-off. Determined not to keep ruminating on what had happened before you left, instead you wonder what awaits you now.

The most-likely scenario, you think, professional and polite - but cold. Like you, he takes duty and responsibility seriously. The airplane bumps, a pocket of air jostling the small craft, and your hands find the armrests and cling tight until it stops.

The best case scenario, of course, would be that enough time has passed that Seungcheol’s hurt has faded. Maybe, you think, maybe he’s moved on from harboring that anger. Maybe he’ll greet you warmly, maybe you’ll pick up right where you left off.

This hope, this day-dream, aches, so much that you blink it away and turn to watch the clouds through the window, a desperate distraction. You crave Seungcheol - you crave feeling safe with his arms around you, you crave the elation you’d feel when he entered the room you were in, you crave the peace that comes with two minds engaged in neural handshake - the peace of someone’s mind interlaced with your own, understanding you, operating with you, picking up half of your mental lift.

You crave his giggle when you say something stupid in the dark of the dorm before bed, his pout when he feels like he isn’t getting enough attention, you crave his voice echoing in your head long after he’s gone asleep because you heard him talk to you all day long. 

You crave his lips on yours, his teeth on your neck, his hands on your body, even if you only had it once. You’ve craved it ever since.

You crave closing your eyes and pressing your forehead to his sternum, feeling safe and quiet and like you belong. You miss the sanctuary of that space, chest to chest with him, something sacred in the way it exists only for you.

You know you can’t have it - any of it. The daydream isn’t real. Your curse will be to crave it forever, alone.

When you arrive at the Shatterdome, it’s your parents who greet you just inside. For a moment, you’re happy to be back, overcome with emotion as you hug them tight. They’ve aged in these three years. You’ve missed them awfully. You only tell them the latter. 

They walk with you to the Marshall’s office, where you’re meant to report upon arrival. 

You hesitate, covering the moment by tugging your duffle’s strap higher on your shoulder. Your mother reads you anyway, reaching out and giving your shoulder a squeeze. 

“It will be okay,” she whispers. 

Your father catches on. “You’ve faced down worse,” he reasons. 

You disagree. There’s no monster in the sea bigger than your love for Seungcheol, no wounding possible that could hurt more than losing him has. But you appreciate the sentiment, so you give them each a grateful nod, tell them you’ll visit after dinner, and turn to knock on the door.

“Come in,” the Marshall’s voice carries through the door, and you turn the knob and step inside. 

All you see is Seungcheol; the Marshall, the office furniture, the flickering screens on the walls all snap into nonexistence in the presence of your former lover. He’s the only thing in the room that comes into focus. Everything else is just fuzzy noise.

His face wavers for a moment when your eyes meet his, the muscles rippling as he fights to get them under control. 

You don’t know what reaction he’s fighting. You don’t know if he’s feeling happiness or hatred. You don’t know if he’s fighting a smile or a scowl.

You give him a quick bow in greeting, and he returns it. His face is stone, now, his mouth tight and eyes flat. 

He turns to face the Marshall, to receive orders, so you do the same.

“I trust your travel went well?” the Marshall begins.

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Even the single syllable of yes will come out of your mouth like gravel and dirt and sand, getting everywhere, leaving a trail.

“Your orders,” he says then, a bit of a sigh on his tone - as if he knows the uphill battle this will be, “are to reconnect as best you can. You’ll follow your old schedule. You’ll spar, you’ll meditate, and you’ll talk. After some time, we’ll try the drift again, see if the connection has recovered any.”

Seungcheol’s voice startles you when he speaks. “How long do you imagine it will be before we try?” he asks, just cold enough to have a sliver of sarcasm in it. 

The Marshall’s eyes narrow, just slightly, as if he’d caught it. “That’s entirely up to you two,” he says evenly. “When you were young and hungry to fight, you trained yourselves into exhaustion. You spent every waking second trying to cultivate the bond that would carry you into your jaeger. With the same intention and drive, I imagine you could be piloting Duellona within the week.”

You fight to keep your chin up, your eyes on the Marshall, instead of ducking your head and watching the floor. The Marshall lifts his arm and glances at his watch. 

“Your allotted time in Sparring Room 7 begins on the hour,” he says. This is his way of dismissing you.

In the hallway, you pause. “I’m just going to drop my bag in the dorm,” you say quietly, not looking at Seungcheol. 

He gives a tight nod. “Fine,” he says, and turns to go the other way, towards the sparring and training rooms. Clearly he intends to meet you there. You heave a deep breath, and turn back towards the wing with the dorms.

Stepping into the dorm you used to share with Seungcheol hits you harder than you thought it would. You’re not sure what you expected - to feel like coming home, maybe, or perhaps to be slapped with the memories of you and Seungcheol together, dancing around each other as you hurried to get dressed for a drop, lazing around in the sitting area after a full day of training. And, of course, the single night you’d spent together.

Neither thing happens. You aren’t overcome by a feeling of nostalgia and love, nor are you inundated by memories of what you’ve lost. Instead, the room feels exactly as it is: empty and still.

Your footsteps’ echoes taunt you as you walk through the kitchen, the sitting area, and into the bedroom. It’s pristine to the point of detriment; it feels like no one lives there. You set your bag on the floor near the foot of the bed - you can unpack later, after training - and turn to go.

Strangely, it’s stepping into the training room that slams you with memory and nostalgia. The wood cool beneath your feet, the vague smell of sweat and citrus-y cleaner, the sounds of punches landing and grunts of effort from the training rooms on either side - they all cocoon you in history, making goosebumps rise on your arms as the emotions surround you.

It makes sense, you think, as Seungcheol glances over his shoulder at the sound of your arrival. He doesn’t speak to you, just swaggers to the center of the room and takes a stance you recognize from Form One. Your body leads you opposite him, muscle memory guiding you into the first form you ever learned with him. It makes sense that this would be what felt like home - your minds going empty together, your bodies following the steps in unison. The sparring forms are the closest you can get to drifting without an actual neural connection.

Well, that and sleeping together, but you don’t see that on your agenda.

You stare at him across the invisible circle between you and try to read him. His face is cold and empty, but that already tells you so much about what he’s feeling. Seungcheol was never cold with you. When you fought together he slipped into that mode you loved so much - ready to level anything, chin lifted, eyes narrowed, confident and so very strong. But it was when you were together outside the fights that you had loved him best - often pouting, lips protruding, voice lifting into a whine. And the best of all - that smile, dimples creating shadows that beg for your thumb to press them, eyes squeezing shut with happiness or laughter.

Something must show on your face, because you watch the muscles in Seungcheol’s upper body untense, as if he’d been ready to fight and recognized that you weren’t.

“I’m good,” you mutter quickly, before he can ask. It feels better to lie to him before he actually asks you, like that’s somehow less dishonest. “Let’s go.”

Form One is basic - no hits, no fancy moves. At the training center, you’d teach it to the littlest ones until they had it memorized. It was really about control and communication - precision and alignment with your partner. You had to breathe together as your feet traced opposite circles across the knots in the wooden floor. You had to rise and bend in unison. It was about watching and listening.

You and Seungcheol could - literally, you’d tried more than once - do it blindfolded in perfect step with one another. Before. You don’t know if you still can. But, now, unblindfolded, it’s too easy.

You move through forms one through six without incident - both of you flowing as easily as water.

Form Seven is the first form that incorporates actual hits and blocks. You’ll have to touch for the first time, even if it’s forearm to forearm or ankle to shoulder. You move right as he moves left, crouch and circle as his right foot flies over your head, stand and punch where you know his open hand will be waiting to stop you.

It is, and you press your fist against it for just a second before spinning away to continue the form. You ache, even as your body continues following the steps, to have him entirely again - to meet his eyes and smile the way you both used to, because you were pleased with what your bodies could do. Because you had each other, completely.

After the tenth form, you bow, turn, and walk out of the ring. You drink some water, your back to him. Years ago you’d have used this break to chat, but you don’t know what to say to him. You’re scared that he’ll shut down anything you say, whether you choose small talk or go straight for the heart of the problem, and you honestly don’t think you can shoulder his rejection right now. So you stay quiet.

After a few short minutes of rest, you return to the center of the room. This is when you’ll spar for real.

You and Seungcheol had done this for years before things went wrong. You’d long ago adjusted to how hard you should hit, how to dodge his moves, how to make this a dance as much as a fight. Now, you feel like it’s your first time again.

Seungcheol attacks as you’d expect - all offensive, pushy, succeeding in herding you backwards even as you dodge each blow. You know his goal is to flip you, and normally you can avoid that by forcing him to go on the defensive as he avoids your own hits. Simply dodging won’t be enough - eventually he’ll cage you in unless you distract him.

You throw yourself into a summersault and manage to get behind him - an opportune moment to strike. You shift your weight to follow the blow as you twist your hips to send a kick towards his unprotected head. He turns just too late - the blow will land.

You can’t do it. You freeze, your core working to keep you upright as you fight your own momentum, halting the kick inches from his temple.

You know immediately that pulling the hit was a mistake. His eyes narrow, and he sweeps his foot at the ankle you’re balancing on. You crash to the ground, heaving a breath and taking quick inventory.

You aren’t hurt. Not this time.

“Get up, Cherry,” he says darkly, moving back to the center to start again. “And don’t do that shit again.”

He comes at you full force in the next match, too. You dodge and weave, but you don’t try to strike. You know he knows it; this isn’t how it used to work. You can almost feel him get angrier as you fight, but you can’t make yourself hit back. You want him to knock you down, you deserve to take some shots.

You take two blows to the back and one to a shoulder; you fall back unsteadily but manage to find your footing and roll away from his next kick.

The match continues - you taking a handful of blows, though none with the force to level you, and Seungcheol with his lip curled in fury.

“If you’re not going to fight, then leave,” he spits.

“Would if I could,” you retort without thinking. You mean that you don’t want to be here like this - not talking, cold, at odds. But you know it reads as not wanting to be here at all.

It seems like everything you say and do only hurts him more.

“I didn’t mean -” you start, and Seungcheol takes your arms and flips you over his shoulders.

“Don’t waste my fucking time,” he says, brushing his hands together and stepping back to give you room to pick yourself up.

“Don’t curse at me,” you answer, pushing yourself to your hands and knees, pausing to catch your breath before rising fully again.

He shakes his head, rolls his eyes a little.

You hate this side of him.

You know you deserve it. For pushing him out. For leaving him here. For loving him, messing everything up, when he never asked for that.

“Seungcheol,” you say, but he ignores you, pacing a few steps and then turning to face you, lowering himself into a defensive stance, ready to spar again.

“Cheol,” you try again. “Listen to me.”

“Marshall scheduled us time to talk later,” he says flatly. “Right now we’re scheduled to fight. So fight me, Cherry. Let’s go.”

The rest of the hour continues the same. By the time it’s over, Seungcheol storms out without speaking to you, furious over every single pulled punch.

You don’t know what to do to make it all better.

You shower quickly, dressing in dry linens, and then re-emerge for the hours you’re scheduled to meditate together. You hope that maybe this will help the situation - maybe not talking will be good for you, give you a chance to feel your connection without the chance to fuck it up with words.

You’re wrong; trying to meditate together is just as desperately fruitless as sparring had been.

You can’t focus at all - can’t shift your attention to your breath, to your body, to the earth beneath you, to the energy of your partner.

Your partner is the distraction, though he sits perfectly still, eyes closed. He might as well be yelling. His shoulders are tight, his jaw still clenched. Anger radiates off him so strongly that it makes your stomach hurt, makes you want to cower from it. You can’t stop watching him, hoping you’ll see him relax, hoping you’ll see the moment that he lets go.

He doesn’t.

“Your eyes are supposed to be closed,” he murmurs, and you feel your face heat, embarrassed that he knew you were watching him.

“I can’t,” you admit. Maybe, you think, you should just be brutally honest, starting now. It’s not like you could make this worse. “I can’t stop noticing how angry -”

“Then stop pissing me off,” he snaps, eyes opening. “Just a suggestion.”

“Don’t talk to me like that!” you cry, and push yourself to stand. You’re not sure why - maybe just to pace. “You never used to talk to me like this. Who are you?”

He looks at the floor, the first sign of guilt you’ve seen since you came home.

“Fine,” he finally bites back, and you know it’s as close to sorry as you’ll get. “I’ll reign it in. Sit back down.”

You shift your weight, arms crossed defensively across your chest, and close your eyes, deciding.

“Sit down, Cherry,” he repeats, and it’s gentler now. That’s what makes you cave, and you settle back across from him.

He’s less tense this time, so you eventually manage to close your eyes and count your breaths. But you’re still feeling for him, reaching for him in your mind, and coming up with nothing between you fingers. Touching him is as possible as touching the fog that used to blanket the training center, thick enough to blind you but impossible to grasp.

The pain feels like a cramp, except it’s behind your ribs instead of in your muscles. The pain grips and tightens, takes over. You want him, you want to be his again, you want to be inside these walls - where you used to fit comfortably. The fact that you’re out here, without him, aches so badly it makes you nauseated.

You want to beg him - let me in again, let me back in, let me be close to you again.

It won’t do any good, and you know it.

He was yours - you had him, you knew him, you could reach out to him and he’d pick you up. You’d taken it for granted, and you’d run away from it. You’d chosen to let it go, and now all you get is this: Seungcheol, cold and closed. Seungcheol, hating you for everything that happened.

—

Dinner is just as bad.

You go to the mess hall eager to see Wylie and Jeonghan and Seungkwan and all the other friends you haven’t seen in years. Wylie screeches like a banshee when she spots you, crossing the mess hall in a blur and hugging you so tightly that you both stagger, off balance, until Seungkwan joins the hug and rights you again.

“I missed you both so much,” you whisper, the only vulnerability anyone’s going to get out of you today.

“Then don’t leave again!” Wylie snaps, but you know the admonishment is full of love.

“I can’t promise,” you admit. Honestly, you’ve already made up your mind - you want to go back to Alaska. You’re not wanted here, not by the person who matters. What good are you, taking up a bed, if you can’t drift?

You’ve already given up hope that he’ll come around.

Seated at the table, you listen while your friends fill you in on what you’ve missed in three years - the fights in the bay, the new teams of pilots, the illnesses and injuries. You almost don’t notice Seungcheol silently takes a seat on Jeonghan’s other side, but something in you prickles, like you’ve sensed him.

The tension around the table heightens; the conversation goes a little stilted. When it’s apparent that he’s going to ignore you two seats down from him, Wylie slaps her hand flat on the tabletop.

“Come on, Seungcheol,” she scolds, and you’re sure no one wonders what she means.

His face goes dark so quickly it’s alarming. “Don’t,” he tells her darkly, one finger coming up to point at her in warning.

Her own eyes narrow and dart to her fork. Beside her, Chan’s eyes pingpong between them. He’s probably wondering if he should hold her back or join her.

“It’s fine,” you mutter, grabbing your tray and making to rise. “I’ll go.”

“Cherry, no,” Wylie protests, and then turns a glower onto your ex-co-pilot as if to say see what you did?

“It’s fine,” you repeat, standing. “I told my mom and dad I’d come by.”

You slink out before anyone else can argue.

You can’t even be mad at him - you did this by pushing him away. You hammered every last nail in the coffin by requesting to transfer. You pushed him out and you left him behind and now you have to face the reality that you can’t have him anymore. He isn’t yours, not anymore.

When you return to your dorm, he’s already in bed, the lights out. He’s facing the wall so you can only see his back, can only see the angry, tight shoulder poking out the top of the sheets. It tells you everything you need to know.

You don’t try to talk to him. You just go to bed.

—

You spend four days identically - fighting while sparring, not meditating, and avoiding Seungcheol’s ice-out. On the fifth day, your Marshall loses patience and changes your schedule. Your entire day is blocked to working on Duellona’s mainframe - buffing, repainting, greasing, and anything else you’re able to handle on your own.

“Since you can’t do anything else useful,” he adds, and you avoid Seungcheol’s eyes, ashamed.

Standing under Duellona’s unlit frame fills you with guilt. It feels like you’re letting her down, disappointing her by letting her rust here, failing your half of the bargain. You run your hands gently over the metal, finding the rough spots that need attention. Somewhere to your left, you can hear the telltale sounds of Seungcheol tightening bolts.

You work in silence for hours.

Eventually, you crack. You’re not sure if it’s the monotony of the task, the tension woven into the silence between you too, or being so close to your jaeger but unable to fight in it - maybe a combination. Something pushes at you from the inside, like a balloon trying to inflate under your skin and running out of room.

You flop backwards on the metal walkway, the grooves digging into your back. “What are we doing?” you ask, and you hear the tool Seungcheol had been using cling loudly as he sets it down.

“Following orders?” he says, stepping around Duellona’s side to look at you. “Fixing up the jaeger?”

“Fixing up the jaeger we don’t get to pilot?” you ask, sitting back up to look at him better.

“Is that what you’re here for?” he asks, the sudden ferocity of it surprising you. “To fight? Is that why you came back?”

You reach up to the walkway’s railing and pull yourself up. You feel yourself frowning at his question, at the heat behind it. 

“I’m back because the Marshall gave me an order,” you say slowly. 

“And that’s it?” he demands. 

You stare at him. You feel sure there’s more to the question, more that he’s asking. You feel sure, after knowing Choi Seungcheol down to the last molecule, that he’s really asking, you didn’t come back for me?

And it confuses you. You try to think about your split from his perspective: you’d shut him out, then slept with him, and then vanished. You’d made a lot of assumptions about his anger since then. You assumed he was angry at you for pushing him out of your head. You assumed he was angry at you for sleeping with him and then leaving. You assumed he was angry with you for ruining your drift, for ripping him away from the ability to fight. You assumed he was angry because he never knew why - never knew what it was that you were so desperate to hide, never knew why sleeping together had made things so much worse that the neural connection had fizzled into nothing altogether.

Is there more to it, his anger?

Should you call him on it, should you ask?

You take too long deciding. Seungcheol scoffs, like he’s disgusted with you. “I should have known,” he says coldly. “Princess of the Shatterdome, I should have known you only cared about piloting - about your legacy.”

This is something you’ve never said to him - that your desire to shine as brightly as your parents has weighed on you. This is something he’d pulled from the drift, something he only knew from tiptoeing around your mind before a fight. 

“That isn’t fair,” you say, your voice hard. “Is there another reason I should have come back? I’d love to hear it.”

He hears the challenge as it is - you didn’t ask me to come back, the Marshall did. You let me go.

He has nothing to say for himself, just stares back at you, eyes narrowed in anger, chest moving too quickly as he battles with his temper.

“Exactly,” you say curtly. The victory stings. It doesn’t feel like a win at all. “The bottom line is I’m here now, and we can pilot again if we can get our shit together.”

He shakes his head. “You left,” he says finally. “That’s the bottom line. You decided you were out, you decided you didn’t want me in your head, and then you left.”

He watches you, waits for you to say something. When you don’t, he lets out a derisive little laugh. “We’re both wasting our time here. The drift won’t work. We aren’t going to fix it.”

For the first time, fear slices through you like steel. “You can’t know that,” you say. You hear the fear in the way your voice comes out low and rounded, barely sounding like you at all.

“I can,” he retorts. “You know how I know? Because I don’t want to. You wanted me out of your head so badly? You got it. Can’t turn back now.”

He heads for the ladder, swings around and finds the third rung down with ease.

“So that’s it?” you ask his retreating form. Your heart is hammering and you’re starting to get tunnel vision. 

The only answer he gives you are his feet hitting each new rung with a clunk and a vibration that rattles up your legs.

—

You go to the training rooms alone and run through the forms just to do something; your mind turns the problem over and over as your body goes through the motions. After, you take a longer shower than normal, letting the water run hotter than you normally would.

After, you go to the Marshall’s office, determined. Or maybe resigned.

When he opens the door, he already looks irritated, like he knew exactly who would be on the other side.

“Requesting an audience,” you say flatly, fighting the instinct to cross your arms defensively.

He glances at his watch. “Five minutes.”

You step inside but leave the door open.

“I’m requesting transfer back to Alakanuk,” you tell him as evenly as you can manage. You’re sure he’s not surprised. “Seungcheol has made it very clear that we won’t be fighting together again. If that’s the case, then I can’t do anything useful here. But in Alakanuk I can.”

You pause, looking to see if you can read anything on the Marshall’s face - any hint that he’s considering what you’re saying, or that it’s a lost cause. He gives you nothing.

“Please,” you say. “Those girls need me. If I can’t help here, I can help them.”

The Marshall tilts his head just slightly. “Surely anyone can teach little girls the forms.”

You shake your head. “It’s more than that, and you know it. It’s not about the forms. I love those girls. I came back here to follow orders, and I tried. But if it isn’t going to happen… Please, don’t make me waste time here if I can be with them instead.”

The silence when you stop speaking seems to last for hours. Your heart pounds, and you work on keeping your breathing even. If he tells you no, you might just lose it, just give up entirely.

Finally, he takes a breath and seems to consider you. “If,” he says, and your eyes widen with hope, “your co-pilot agrees, then I will reassign you back to Alaska. But only if he will agree.”

“No problem,” you say quickly. Seungcheol was the one who said it was over. He should have no problem letting you leave.

When you step out of the Marshall’s office, Seungcheol steps out of the shadows. You should be surprised to see him, but in the Shatterdome it feels right that he just is wherever you are. That’s always how it was, before.

You look at him disdainfully. “I assume you heard that conversation?”

He nods, once.

“So?” you ask. “Will you tell him you approve, so I can go?”

For the first time since you returned, Seungcheol smiles, tight and sarcastic.

“No,” he says easily, like it’s kind of funny.

Fury erupts inside you; you can’t even pinpoint where in your body it stems from. “Why?” you demand. “Because you feel like I took something from you, so you want to take something from me?”

He doesn’t respond to this. You know you’re right. You know him. You know his mind.

“I hate to fuck up your narrative,” you spit at him, “but I’ve lost out here just as much as you have. You’re not the only one who lost the ability to fight. You’re not the only one who lost their partner.”

You wish you could tell him the rest - you’re not the one who spent three years with a broken heart on top of it. He had lost you as a partner and a friend - you had lost him in the same ways, and you’d had to harbor your broken heart.

He shakes his head. “Poor baby,” he bites sarcastically, and then takes off down the hallway, into the dark.

—

You stop sleeping at the dorm. Sometimes you sleep at your parents’, sometimes on Wylie and Chan’s tiny couch, sometimes in bed with Seungkwan, who kicks at you and whines that you take up too much space. Sometimes you sleep inside Duellona Fury, sitting up, your back against her metal frame.

The Marshall seems to have taken some pity on you. He schedules your mornings training the Dome’s recruits, and lets Seungcheol get back to what he was doing in your absence - which seems to be on track to move up in rank, to maybe become a Marshall himself, someday. It isn’t quite the same as being back with your girls, but training recruits feels at least somewhat fulfilling. And it keeps you and Seungcheol busy - separately - until afternoon.

Then, he schedules you to spar.

In your first week, you’d been unwilling to hit Seungcheol. You’d been feeling guilty for hurting him, sad for your time apart, hopeful that if you were soft to him, then he’d be soft back to you.

Now, you’re fucking furious.

For the first time, when the match begins, you hit him first. He’s surprised for only a second, eyebrows shooting up as he stumbles for balance, and then you watch something delighted and devilish fall over his face. Like he knows exactly what dance this is, and he’s been learning the steps in secret.

The match is brutal, reminiscent of your very first one, when you were both nineteen. You throw hit after hit his way; he blocks or dodges all of them. But he can’t get a hit on you either - you’re too quick, spurred on by fury. You’ve been angry in a fight before. But you’ve never been angry at him.

You spin and throw up a kick, expecting his forearm to rise and block it. Instead, you knock him in the jaw.

He grunts, hand flying up to cover his mouth, and you drop your stance with a gasp.

“Shit!” you cry, hurrying closer. “I’m so sorry! Are you bleeding? Let me look.”

“‘M fine,” he mutters thickly from behind his hand, but you ignore him. For a second, things are how they used to be between you. He lets you peel his hand away, lets you gingerly turn his head this way and that, even opens up so you can check his teeth.

“You’re gonna have a fat lip,” you tell him regretfully. “But nothing’s bleeding. Teeth look okay. Anything loose in there?”

He pokes around his teeth with his pinky. “Nope.”

You take a step back, cowed. “I’m really sorry.”

He laughs a little, wryly. “I bet you feel better, though.”

You bite back a smile. “Actually…” you say, and he laughs again. You both do.

Somehow, this seems to be the thing that cracks the anger you’ve both been encased in, unable to move forward or backward. You feel melted, and you wonder if he feels freer now, too.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you,” you say. You mean the kick, but the words land heavy.

He avoids your gaze. “I need some water,” he says, turning and heading to the side of the room.

You do the same, sitting heavily on the bench where your water waits for you.

“Hey,” he says, and you look over, brows raised in anticipation. “Tell me about Alaska.”

You can’t help but smile.

“It’s so beautiful,” you tell him. “God, Cheol, the ocean there. And the birds, and the snow…”

He’s watching you, listening, but while he listens he stands and heads to the center of the ring, settling into a starting form. With a small smile, you follow, standing opposite him. He starts an easy match that’s mostly just following the eighth form. It includes some hits and blocks, but you both do them gently, easily, circling each other slowly.

“So you liked it?” he asks. You can hear how hard he’s working to make it sound casual.

“It was so beautiful,” you admit before ducking below a kick. “But it was also… really hard.”

“What was the best part?” he asks.

You smile, block a hit. He almost gets his hands on you for a flip, but you dodge around behind him. He turns to follow you. “Weirdly, it was taking care of them outside of class. We - the instructors - we kind of their moms, away from home, you know? I’m the one who knew Yejin won’t sleep unless someone sits by her bed for a while. I’m the one that knew that Farrah and Salome only argue because they’re competitive. I’m the one that knew that Maria and Anjali don’t know their times-tables, that Ximena can’t brush her own hair, or that Iseul is allergic to fish. I loved them. I loved knowing them.”

He looks at you for a long time. “Maybe you should go back,” he says finally.

It feels like a trap. 

You look at the floor, at the wall, then finally back at him. “If you’ll do this for real,” you say carefully, “then I’d rather be here. If we’re actually trying, then I don’t want to go.”

He’s quiet for a long time. Finally, he swallows hard, not looking at you.

“What was the worst part?”

There’s only one answer.

“Missing you,” you say. “Losing you.”

He manages to get both of your arms and hauls you over his shoulders. You land on your back so hard that the air is knocked out of your lungs and your eyes close protectively. For a second, you lay there panting, waiting for the pain in your back to settle down, waiting for the stars behind your eyelids to calm.

When you open them again, the ceiling coming into focus above you, the room is empty.

–

You have a hunch on where you can find him, and you head to the jaeger bay. Sure enough, he’s sitting below Duellona, knees to his chest, staring up at her.

You sit next to him and he doesn’t get up and leave, which you take as a good sign.

“I can’t do this if you’re not all in,” he tells you without looking at you. “You walked away from me once. I can’t let you back in my head if there’s any possibility you’ll walk away again. If you’re with me, I need you to be with me.”

Something prickles in the back of your head. You feel like you’re starting to realize something - the seed of an understanding is pushing delicately through the dirt, but hasn’t yet spread out its leaves under the warmth of the sun yet.

Something about his hurt. Something about why.

“I think we should try to drift,” you tell him.

This seems to startle him - he forgets to be cold, turns to look at you, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“I can tell you how much I missed you,” you reason, “and tell you about how I spent every minute just… steeped in regret. Or we can walk through it - you can see for yourself.”

You know what you’re risking. If he gets into your head now, he’ll see it all - he’ll know everything, he’ll be able to feel for himself the depth of your loss, the height of your love. 

But what’s the harm, now? You can’t lose him twice. Maybe it’ll be enough for him to realize you hadn’t left him because you didn’t care about him. Maybe it’ll be enough for his forgiveness. 

Maybe then, he’ll tell the Marshall to let you go back to Alakanuk. 

It’s Seungkwan you bother, since he’d been in mission control before finding his team of co-pilots. The sideways look he gives you as he walks to your conn pod is withering, but you know better than to take it personally.

You buzz with nerves. The last time you’d tried this, the neural handshake hadn’t even connected. There had just been nothing.

The second you hear neural handshake initiating, you almost sob with relief. You can’t even pay attention to the memories - Seungcheol’s memories - floating around you; you want to collapse, to press your palms to the ground and thank the universe for letting you back in.

His first memories are a breeze - the ones you’ve jogged through together hundreds of times: his first home, his school, his father’s hospital room, the Dome. Then you slow your pace, because this is new.

You’re facing the landing dock on the Shatterdome’s roof. Seungcheol stands with his back to you, watching through the glass walls as a helicopter waits, the pilot talking into his headset.

You watch yourself walk towards the chopper’s open door. You watch yourself leave, remember how hard it was to not look back.

You hadn’t known that Seungcheol had been there, that he had seen you go.

The pain that accompanies the memory hits you like you’re drowning, like it’s too deep and you can’t feel the bottom, and you feel the machinery falter around you.

“Hey,” you say quietly. “I’m with you.”

He nods, still doesn’t look at you. But the beeping stops, the connection holding. 

There’s knowledge in this memory, knowledge in this pain. Seungcheol’s thoughts in this moment read in your head as clearly as if he said them aloud - I did this. I pushed her too far; I made her run.

You can’t stay here, can’t let him wallow in the memory of pain. You had to move forward - that’s how the drift works. Reluctantly you step towards the door, glancing over your shoulder to see if he’s following. 

He is. His jaw is tight and fists are clenched, but he is.

When the next memory - not in order of chronology, clearly - appears before you, you want to vanish into the floor. You’re watching yourselves in Seungcheol’s bed. Thankfully, you’re sleeping - this was after. But in the memory, Seungcheol is awake, laying on his side, his eyes drinking in your sleeping form.

The emotions and the knowledge come with it in an instant. The tenderness and the love he felt in that moment surround you now in the memory, unignorable, impossible to mistake. 

He had loved you. He had known you loved him, and he was showing you how he felt. The understanding slams you so hard that you think you stop breathing.

“Seungcheol,” you whisper. Around you, the scene begins to flicker, the connection starting to react to the oversaturation of emotion.

“We can talk about it after,” he says, voice hard. “Don’t stay in it. Find the next door.”

Your eyes find the door, but you feel frozen. You want the connection to drop, you want to unlock yourself from the stupid drive-suit and throw yourself into his arms, you want to apologize for leaving him thinking he’d pushed you away, thinking that he scared you into running.

“Cherry,” he warns. “The drift can’t -”

You know. 

And you owe him your side of the story.

You take a steeling breath and head for the door. You don’t take his hand. You don’t know if you deserve to, if he’d want you to.

When you step through the doors, you’re confused - you’re still in your dorm. Your bodies are both in the bed.

Now, though, Seungcheol sleeps, and you - the memory of you - sits on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands. 

You feel the emotion the memory holds, which means Seungcheol does, too.

Fear. It’s still fear - fear that he’ll know, fear that what you just did together will make it worse, make it harder to hide. 

Beside you, Seungcheol’s eyes go wide. 

“We have to move on,” you tell him. He looks at you, then back at the memory. 

“You -?” he starts to ask.

“After,” you tell him firmly. “We’ll talk after.”

You open the door, and you’re suddenly outside, surrounded by white.

Alaska.

The emotion knocks you over with the fury of an ocean wave - even though you know you’re not supposed to let it. This was how you had felt every day that you were gone, and it screams at you now, determined to be heart, determined to be felt. The loneliness, the regret, the despair and heartbreak all rise up in you, overtaking you, as snow falls gently and silently around you.

And the love. That never went away. That never mellowed, as the Marshall had put it.

If he didn’t know before, he has to know now. There’s no way he couldn’t.

Seungcheol squeezes your hand, and you almost jump. You look down at your linked fingers in shock, then up at him, eyes wide.

“We should go back and talk about this,” he tells you, but his grip on you is firm, assuring.

“Okay. It’s this way,” you tell him, trying to breathe, and you lead him by the hand through the snow. The fog strengthens as you walk, until you can’t see anything but grey, can’t see anything but Seungcheol’s hand in yours.

You continue on. You know where to go. When you step through, the fog vanishes as if it was never there, nothing gradual about it. With the fog gone, you can see clearly where you are - inside Duellona Fury’s conn-pod.

As you begin to work on the straps, you call through the intercom, “Kwan? We… need some privacy. We’ve got to talk - alone.”

His voice crackles back at you. “Yes, I’m leaving, I’m already gone. If you hear popcorn crunching, no you don’t.”

Seungcheol gives you a flat look. “Let’s go home and talk,” he suggests.

Home.

You are so afraid and so hopeful. You don’t know how to juggle both.

Back in your small living space, you sit like you’re meditating.

“Let’s figure this out,” he says. “No lies.”

“No lies,” you agree. Your knees touch, and you reach to take his hands. He lets you, giving your fingers a squeeze.

“You knew,” you say first, bordering on accusation. “I was trying so hard to hide how I felt about you… but you knew.”

He nods, his eyes on you. “And you,” he says slowly, “didn’t… know? That I knew?”

You shake your head, confirming. “I didn’t know. I thought I hid it.”

He smiles at you, a little placating. “Not as well as you would have liked.”

“And you…” You chicken out, swallow, force yourself to be brave. “You… loved me, too?”

He nods. “I did.” 

The air leaves your lungs so forcefully that you bend over, pressing your forehead to the tops of your hands. He pulls his hands from yours and you feel his touch, firm and reassuring, cupping your shoulders and rubbing his thumbs along them.

“We felt the same,” you echo into your shins. “You loved me.”

“Cherry,” he says above you, his voice like a plea. “I don’t understand why - when we… when I… I felt like once I forced you to look at it, it was too much. You ran.”

You sit with this for a minute, stunned and processing. His hands are back in yours, which you take as a good sign. 

“You thought… wait. You thought, after that night, that I knew how you felt, too?”

He nods. “I thought you knew,” he says, confusion still present in his tone. “I thought we both knew. I thought if it was out in the open, the glitch in the drift would be fixed.”

You wipe at your face, trying to breathe. “And instead,” you realize, “we couldn’t even connect, because I was still trying to hide it from you, and then you were hurt. I thought it was broken. I thought we really broke it forever.”

He looks at you in wonder. “That’s why you left,” he breathes, and you know he’s understanding this for the first time. “You thought we made the problem worse.”

It’s your turn to nod. “After we…I mean, I knew if I couldn’t hide it from you before that night, there was no chance I’d be able to hide it after. I kept you out in the first place because I… was afraid. I was afraid for you to see how much I loved you. It seemed… hopeless to keep trying.”

The words lay bloody between you, but his grip on your hands is strong, and you take another breath.

You push on, adding, “I was afraid it would be too much. I was afraid everything would change.”

Which it did, you think. He nods, like he hears this, like he agrees.

He releases you and leans back, blowing out a loud breath. “We’re so fucking stupid,” he says, and you splutter out a laugh.

“We really are.”

“I can’t believe we lost three years over that,” he says.

“I can’t believe you thought it was your fault that I left.”

“I can’t believe you left in the first place.”

This makes you smile, guilty. “That’s fair.”

You push yourself to stand; Seungcheol mirrors you, as if you’re already in the neural handshake, bodies working in tandem. 

“Cherry,” he says quietly, stepping closer. “It could never be too much. I love you. I’m crazy about you. I’m only me when I’m with you.”

You remember him, the night you’d slept together, telling you, don’t be afraid. He’d told you, after all, and you’d missed it entirely.

You close the distance between your bodies and kiss him hard. His arms circle your waist immediately, like they were waiting for you. He kisses you back hungrily. His mouth meets yours eagerly, his tongue stroking yours confidently before he shifts his attention to your jaw, your neck, then your mouth again. His hands don’t wander this time - instead he holds you so firmly it almost hurts, like he won’t let you move an inch, won’t let you out of his grasp ever again.

You cradle his face between your hands, let your teeth gently scrape along his bottom lip. “Cheol,” you whisper, then kiss him again. “You’re everything.” It’s what you should have said aloud the night you’d slept with him.

When the kiss breaks, he presses his lips to the top of your head and holds them there, melting around you a little. You give his middle a squeeze, revel in his heartbeat surrounding you like music.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry I didn’t just say it.”

“Me too,” you tell him, holding him just a little tighter. “I should never have tried to hide it from you in the first place.”

He kisses your temple, and you hold each other, silently, each grappling with the time you’d wasted apart. 

You’re interrupted by a knock. You break apart, puzzled. You’re even more puzzled to see your Marshall at the door, and Seungkwan literally bouncing on the balls of his feet in excitement.

“I’ve heard your drift is working again,” the Marshall says dryly. 

You look over your shoulder at Seungcheol, grinning. “Seems like it.”

“There’s a Cat-1 reading in the bay. I was about to alarm for Pretty Savage to drop, but Savage’s team insisted I give you the opportunity first. They can follow as backup. How do you feel?”

Seungcheol is at your side. He looks at you, his face open and raw. “Well?” he asks you. “Are you in, or are you out?”

“I’m in,” you tell him seriously. “I’m with you.”

You thrum with excitement as a tech team helps strap you into the drive-suits, and you can’t help but shoot Seungcheol a wild grin, your happiness alive and unbounded. 

You tell mission control - Nainsi, probably, just like the old days - “Ready and aligned.”

Mission Control - definitely Nainsi - responds, “Prepare for neural handshake.”

The artificial voice bounces around you - 3… 2… 1… neural handshake initiating…

Around you, the machines flicker busily. Neural handshake strong and holding. Now calibrating…

You’re crying, but you ignore it. You beam through tears, looking sideways at your co-pilot. His eyes dance as he smiles back at you. You want to unstrap yourself to the drivesuit and go kiss his dimples, the dimples you hadn’t seen in years. You resist the urge.

“Ready to drop?”  He looks sideways at you, sly. 

You scoff at him, your own grin cocky and sure, like you’re twenty again, like nothing had ever been broken between you. “Been ready. Let’s light ‘em up.”

– end

thank you so much for reading!!!!

stay tuned for more fics in this universe! Should be a fun time!!

[rollinouttahere-writes]

One of the mind-only fics I’ve had rolling around in my head is kinda similar to the Strays AU, but whatever, might as well.

Reader is Akainu’s kid and by some series of misadventures ends up being collected by Whitebeard. Kinda shifts between whether the Reader is a marine like their dad wants them to be, or if they ran away because they don’t like their dad. I typically imagine them as an older teenager, but I guess it doesn’t matter.

Maybe a bit much on detail, but if they ran away, Akainu reports them as missing, either because he won’t publicly admit that his child ran away, or he’s delusional and doesn’t realize how much they hate him, so marines are actively searching for them and when they show up with Whitebeard people think that the pirates kidnapped them, (which may or may not be true, not like the old man wouldn’t).

Breaking Point

Next

Whitebeard Pirates x Teen GN Reader

4.6k words

Summary: An espionage mission gives you the perfect cover to get away from your Admiral father and the life he forced you into. Everything seems to be going according to plan until some pirates corner you.

Warnings: unhealthy parent-child relationship, akainu being akainu, reader being in a terrible mental state, hopelessness, suicide attempt, blood, drugging

I did tweak the prompt a little bit, so I hope you don't mind. I also hope you aren't opposed to darker themes. If it bothers you, I'll write an alternate version of the scene where the reader snaps.

Clothes? Check. First aid kit? Check. Matches and firestarter? Check. Food and water? Check. Hygiene supplies? Check. Emergency shelter? Check. Money? Check.

Looks like you’re all set. After settling your hat into your head and pulling the bill down over your eyes as you always do, you steel your resolve for what is to come.

With your backpack slung over your shoulder, you march out of the barracks so you can begin your mission. At least, that’s what everyone thinks you’re doing. You’ll let them keep believing that.

A sharp call of your name brings you to a halt, and you instinctively stand at attention. The empty halls allow for the sound of his footsteps to echo all around you. It’s debatable which is louder. The Admiral’s footsteps, or your own heartbeat. 

Akainu comes to a stop in front of you, glowering down at your form. His piercing eyes scrutinize your appearance. Instead of your usual uniform, you’re in civilian clothing for the mission. Spying in a Marine’s uniform would obviously not go well.

“At ease.” You robotically relax your posture at his command. “I trust that you don’t need any further briefing on your mission?”

“No, sir.” Despite the man in front of you being your biological father, this is the only way you referred to him. Both in and out of work. “I understand the assignment in full.”

“As you should. I expect you to come back with results.”

“I will, sir.”

The Admiral stares at you a moment longer, then nods sharply, “You are dismissed.”

“Yes, sir.” With that, you take your leave, stepping down the halls of the base to leave. Just as you’re about to pass the threshold, you hear your name spoken again.

Akainu’s expression is as terse as ever as he stares a hole into you. He then sighs and turns away, “Don’t disappoint me.”

Of course those are his last words to you. Resentment twists inside you like a knife. Fuck this. You can’t wait to never have to see this bastard’s face again. You don’t respond to him, and you know that he doesn’t expect you to.

You hurry out of the base, eager to leave. The swinging doors are thrown open unceremoniously in your rush to put as much distance between you and Akainu as possible.

"Oh? Were you planning on leaving without saying bye to me? I'm hurt." Slowly drawled out words greet your ears, bringing you to a halt and making you whip around.

"Uncle!" A rare smile sneaks across your face, "I thought you were still away on a mission."

"I was. I got back a little bit ago. Just in time, too" Kizaru pushes his lanky body away from the wall he was leaning against and meanders over to you. His hand reaches out and flicks your hat off before gently rustling your hair. If anyone else did this, you would break their arm for the audacity, but you make an exception for him.

If he could indulge you by allowing you to refer to him as Uncle after what was initially just a little slip up thanks to hearing Sentomaru say it so many times, then you could tolerate the mussing of your hair. Just tolerate. You totally weren't enjoying the attention or anything like that.

"So, what is this mission of yours? I heard that you were going to be spying on Red Haired Shanks, but that can't be right."

You shake your head, "That is right. They wanted to send someone that he would be less likely to recognize if he spots."

Kizaru withdraws his hand and sighs in a drawn out fashion, "You don't sound very concerned. You do know that's an Emperor, yes?"

"I know that," you grumble and roll your eyes at his lack of faith in you. "I'm going to be careful. I promise you, he'll never even see me." If only he knew just how true that was going to be. Shanks would never see you. Nor would his crew. Or anyone in his general area, for that matter.

The Admiral stares at you, and you squirm ever so slightly under his gaze. There was no way for him to know what you were up to, but that didn't stop the irrational fear from taking root regardless.

Finally, mercifully, he breaks eye contact and looks away with another beleaguered sigh. "I hope you're right." Kizaru ducks down to pluck your fallen hat off the ground. He dusts it off and drops it onto your head. It's noticeably crooked. You figure that he did it on purpose. "Will you promise your uncle something?"

"Of course." The response is almost instinctual.

"Come back if it starts to get risky. That mission isn't worth losing your life over."

His concern for your safety creates a conflicting storm of warmth and guilt within you. Returning to the Marines was out of the question, but you obviously couldn't say as much. Instead, you do what any rational soon-to-be traitor would do under your circumstances. Lie.

"I'll leave as soon as it gets dangerous, I promise." It's a half truth. Yeah, you'll never be anywhere near Shanks, but you will be leaving danger in a sense.

"Alright." Kizaru pats your head, "Take care of yourself, (Y/N)."

"I will. Goodbye, Uncle." You turn your back to him and fix your hat. "Tell Sentomaru I said bye."

A hum of acknowledgement is all you get in response from Kizaru. There's a 50/50 chance that it'll slip his mind until much later, but what can you do? That's just how he is. You'll miss him and Sentomaru when you're gone.

But that's neither here nor there. You need to leave before Akainu notices that you're still here and lollygagging. You stride toward the docks where a privateer vessel is waiting for you. It was a small, inboard paddlewheeler with an enclosed helm that doubled as a sleeping quarters. A nice ship. Shame you’re going to have to ditch it soon.

“(Y/N)!” There was a call of your name yet again. The imposing figure of one of the men under your command is looming over your ship. He's too big to be getting on it, so he's left standing on the dock near it and tossing some boxes of provisions to someone on the boat. He turns to you with a broad smile across his scarred face. "We've got 'er ready for you!"

A wisp of a smile graces your typically stern features, “Thanks, Sven. I appreciate it.”

The person that had been in the helm squeezes out of the door and joins you two on the dock. Nesca may be on the short side for a fishman, but she's still a couple heads taller than you. The modified dorsal fin sprouting from her head that anglerfish were named after bounces and sways as she makes the jump.

She flashes you a smile filled with needle like teeth and winks, "I snuck some extra snacks in for you with the rest of that stuff."

"Nesca, they're going to notice that when they take inventory later."

"So what? What are they going to do? Fire me for making sure you don't starve while on your mission?" As expected, she was entirely unbothered by the threat of disciplinary action. She was the type to go with the flow of things regardless of where exactly that flow took her. She couldn't care less if it gets her in trouble.

Sven lets out a bellowing laugh, "Besides, we both did it, so they're going to have a hard time pinning down who did it!"

"Might not be that hard if you keep yelling it." You roll your eyes and have to make a considerable effort to suppress the smile threatening to show itself again.

"Well, whatever. Nothing that they will do will be as much of a blow to our egos as being held back from joining you on this mission." Sven crosses his muscular arms and scowls at the base in the distance, "They're letting a kid go and stake out an Emperor, but they won't let us, actual adults, tag along to make sure you have support if things get hairy. If that isn't a kick in the teeth, I don't know what is."

"Yeah," Nesca chimes in, "we've been through so much together, but now is when they separate us? Talk about ridiculous."

These two have been under your command since you became a lieutenant. For every achievement and failure you've had in your career, they've been right behind you. Of course, there have been many more people in your units over the years, but these two were among the three that had been consistent through every promotion. The third... he wasn't here anymore.

"They probably don't want to risk Red Haired Shanks becoming suspicious from seeing a trio following him around." That, and neither of these people could exactly be considered conspicuous. Sven was damn near ten feet tall, and Nesca was a fishman. They would absolutely call attention to you if you three were to go on this mission together.

Nesca was less than impressed with the explanation. "I guess that makes some sense, but I still don't get why they're okay with sending you off like some sacrificial lamb. Can your dad seriously not be bothered to give enough of a shit to at least try and pull some strings to get you backup?"

Hearing Akainu getting referred to in such a cozy term of endearment makes you want to reprimand Nesca, but you refrain. You know that she doesn't mean anything by it. Despite her concerns, Akainu's inaction has worked in your favor. Having anyone with you would have been a massive hindrance to your plan.

Another hindrance would be Akainu coming over here if he notices you're still here and not diligently heading toward your destination. You shoulder past your comrades and leap onto the boat, “I’m not a sacrifice. The rank of Commodore wasn’t handed to me, I earned it. I’ve been trained for this for as long as I can remember.”

"I know, I know." Nesca waves her hand dismissively, "We're just looking out for you. You better be careful out there."

Sven easily unties the rope anchoring your boat to the dock and tosses it to you. “Good luck, (Y/N)! I can’t wait to hear about everything when you’re back!”

"I will! You two stay out of trouble while I'm gone!" While you do hope that they'll behave for their sake, that first part was a lie. You won’t be back. Never. You’d rather die than ever set foot on a Marine base again.

—

Several weeks have passed since your departure and covert runaway. At this point, they still believe you to be on assignment, and if everything continues as planned, it should be several months before your absence becomes known. Due to the high risk nature of spying on an Emperor, there would be zero communications until you got back. Sengoku wasn’t willing to risk you being found out if the Red Haired Pirates had a black transponder snail on them. Not only would it jeopardize your safety seeing as that you were alone and didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell against an Emperor’s crew, but the discovery would likely make them much harder to tail going forward since they would now know to be wary of this tactic.

Of course, you were nowhere near where that crew had been sighted lurking about. Your end goal was to get out of the Grand Line entirely and start life anew on some remote island where no one would ever think to look for you. Ideally, you would be assumed dead. Killed in action while stalking a predator you had no hopes against. 

If anyone knew you were still alive and just deserted the marines�� Well, you’ve seen what Akainu does to people like that, and you aren’t naive enough to think that you’ll get special treatment purely because you’re his child. If anything, that would incentivize him more to make an example out of you. To prove that he would never go easy on anyone.

All in the name of his precious Absolute Justice. 

Currently, your biggest hurdle was the calm belt. Even if you hadn’t ditched- and burned- your original vessel, it would have done little to help you cross it. Sure, the absence of wind and ocean currents wouldn’t have slowed it down, but its wooden structure never would have stood a chance against the dense population of sea kings lurking in the depths of that part of the sea.

What you needed was something sturdy and fast. A high powered engine in a preferably metal boat that could take a few hits if need be. On top of that, you needed some weapons to assist you in fending off the beasts. As powerful as you were, even you could only do so much against the likes of such a creature.

Despite all of the risks, you feel relatively confident in your plan. All that you need to do is make it at least halfway through. After that, you think you’ll be able to fly the rest of the way out or at least island hop to the North Blue. Of course, you being a zoan devil fruit user came with risks, but hopefully the fear of drowning if your wings grow too tired will motivate you to persevere through exhaustion.

As long as you can pull this off, and do so without calling attention to yourself, you’ll finally have the freedom you’ve yearned after for so long. It’s so close that you can taste it.

“Commodore (Y/N)! Fancy seeing you here.”

W h a t ?

Once hot blood runs cold as ice through your veins. Who the fuck said that? You slowly turn your head to look over your shoulder to see who just recognized you. This could ruin everything. You can’t risk a sighting. You’ll have to kill whoever saw you.

“Whoa! If looks could kill, I don’t think I’d survive that one!” The man laughs and jumps down from the rooftop he’d been perched upon. Oh, fuck. That’s Fire Fist Ace. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck-

Another person drops down in front of you, prompting you to whip your head back around only to see Marco the Phoenix blocking the other exit to this alleyway. Oh, this couldn’t get any worse! What’s next?! Is fucking Whitebeard himself going to appear, too?!

More Whitebeard Pirates filter into the alley, but Ace and Marco appear to be the only Division Commanders here. Your hands clench into fists at your sides, “What the fuck do you want from me?”

Marco holds up his hands in a placating manner, though it’s anything but. “Nothing much,” he steps closer, “I promise that none of us want to hurt you, but we’re in a bit of a bind.”

“And? How’s that my problem?”

“We need to pick up some medicine for our pops, but the only island that has enough of it right now has a Marine base on it. This medicine is really important, we can’t risk it getting destroyed in an attack, so that’s where you come in. In order to guarantee its safety, we’ll let them know that we have an Admiral’s kid in our custody, and that you won’t be released unless we get what we need.” Marco smirks, “Now are you going to make this easy or difficult? Because I can promise you, you’re coming with us whether you like it or not.”

No. No, no, no, no, no, no! This isn’t happening! This can’t be fucking happening! You were so close, and now everything is going to be ruined because of some fucking pirates! Your hands are shaking- no, your whole body is! Your heart is pounding, adrenaline is spiking, your nerves are on fire. No. You aren’t about to give up and let them take you and ruin your life.

“No… you can’t do this to me.” You shake your head and meet Marco’s lax eyes, “I won’t let you!”

In a split second, your arms transform into wings, and you shoot yourself up into the air. Your legs turn next, shifting into clawed talons that you use to send an attack at Fire Fist and the people clustered around him. Everyone but him dives out of the way as the strike slashes through the cobblestones and walls. Ace tanks the hit directly, but all it does is go right through the logia devil fruit user.

“Not bad, but you’re going to need to do better than that to actually hurt me!” Ace erupts into a column of flames and directs it right at you. Just what you wanted. You flap your wings hard, blasting the fire right back at him- but more importantly- the people around him. They all scream as their clothes catch to fire, making Ace immediately panic and focus on them rather than you.

Not wanting to waste a single precious second, you take off, cutting through the air with remarkable speed. That much is to be expected of someone with the Tori Tori no Mi Model: Peregrine Falcon. As one of the fastest animals on the planet, your speed was generally unmatched. Kizaru was the only person that could ever really challenge you in terms of speed. Escaping these pirates should be a breeze.

“You’re pretty good! I wouldn’t expect anything less from an Admiral’s kid!” The voice of Marco comes from above.

You look up just in time to dodge him swooping down to try and grab you. Fuck, he’s fast! It’s time to engage in some real evasive maneuvers. You rip off your backpack and chuck it at him, then shift into your full beast form.

With your body shrunk down to the size of the bird your devil fruit is modeled after, taking the backpack with you would be impossible. You’ll have to come back for it later, or maybe not at all depending on how poorly this goes. 

In your true form, you’re able to take full advantage of the speed the peregrine falcon is known for. Buildings all meld into a blur as you rocket through and around them. A family shrieks as you speed through one open window and out the other, then you’re weaving through lines upon lines of laundry, and next you’re in an open market.

As quickly as you shot off, you stop and slip under a table, the cloth on it easily concealing your presence. Your heart is pounding and you’re panting hard as you wait in silence. The tablecloth doesn’t get ripped off by your pursuer or anyone else, so you’re cautiously optimistic that you succeeded in losing him. Now you just had to figure out how to get out of here without being spotted again. All of those pirates saw what you look like in all of your forms, which was going to be a major problem. The second you leave this sanctuary, you’re going to be at risk.

There isn’t a clear, easy option. You’re just going to have to take a gamble and hope that your beast form will be unassuming enough to not catch their eyes again. You peek under the tablecloth to see if any of the Whitebeard Pirates are lurking nearby. It doesn’t look like any of them are here.

Okay, here goes nothing. You fly out from your hiding spot and high into the air at what should look like a normal speed for a bird. Flying as fast as you can would just draw attention to you. So long as you look like a normal bird at a glance, you should be able to get away unnoticed.

“There you are.”

Before you can even blink, a taloned foot closes around your small form. You squawk in surprise, then immediately shift into a half-bird form to try and break Marco’s hold. Something cold snaps around your wrist, and all of your energy is sapped away in an instant, right along with your powers.

Sea stone cuffs. They came prepared. You fall through the air, but only briefly before Marco catches you. He lands hard on a rooftop, but remains upright and doesn’t drop you. He grins, but his eyes have an odd gleam to them that you don’t recognize, “You’re good. I didn’t think they still made Marines like you anymore.” Why is he complimenting you? Freak.

You start to struggle in his hold, but he’s faster than you and locks the other cuff around your free hand. Now you’re completely at their mercy. This is awful. This is a worst case scenario.

“Now then, let’s get you back to the ship.”

—

The journey from the small seaside town to the Whitebeards’ ship was lost on you. You weren’t processing any of it. As soon as reality sank in, you went completely numb. Every word said by the pirates bounced right off you.

They were going to know. You’re nowhere near where Shanks and his crew are. They’re going to know you deserted. He’s going to know you deserted. It’s over. Your life is over. These pirates signed your death certificate as soon as they locked those cuffs on you.

Distantly, you glance at your surroundings. You’re chained to a cot in what looks to be the ship’s infirmary, if all the nurses milling about are anything to go off of. Only one of your hands is cuffed, the other is free again. They aren’t concerned about a devil fruit user being dangerous while sea stone cuffs are eating away at their strength. What a disaster. Years of training, and this is how it ends. How humiliating.

And to make it worse: your hat is gone, leaving your face bare for all to see. Now that you're thinking about it, you probably lost it during the initial chase. You were so consumed with getting away that you can't even recall when exactly it was lost.

Fingers snap in front of your face, and you look up sluggishly at the person disturbing you. Twin Blade Thatch is at your bedside, looking… confused? Sad? This is another expression that you don’t recognize.

He smiles slightly, but it doesn’t quite meet his eyes, “You okay there, kid?” When you don’t answer, he looks over his shoulder, “Did you give them something?”

“No,” the voice belongs to Marco. “They’ve been out of it since we caught them. They’re… really upset about getting captured, it seems.”

Thatch lightly claps you on the shoulder, “Don’t beat yourself up about it, kid. It’s not like you got caught by a weak crew. There are plenty of Marines well above your rank that wouldn’t have won that fight either.”

“Yeah, you actually gave us some real trouble there at the start.” Ace was in here too, apparently. “Not many people are able to use my own powers against me, that was pretty smart.”

“Before I forget to ask, do you have any allergies? I don’t want to accidentally kill you with my cooking.” Thatch stares at you expectantly, but his smile fades as you neglect to answer his question. “Is that a… no? Come on, I’m just trying to help you out here, you don’t need to be so guarded. I can even make you your favorite meal to make up for the situation we put you in.”

“It doesn’t matter…” Nothing does.

“Don’t say that. We’ve gotta feed you, kid.” That weird expression is on his face again. You wish he’d stop making it at you. “It won’t take long to get the medicine we need. You’ll be back with your old man before you know it.”

No!

“I won’t go back!” Hot tears start to drip down your face, then pour as the last thread of sanity within you snaps, “I’m not going back! You can’t make me go back to that place! To him! I won’t let you!”

Ace is standing close enough that you’re able to lunge at him and rip the dagger from his belt with your free hand. He tries to snatch it back, but your frenzied state gives you the speed you usually only have with your devil fruit’s help. You aren’t going back, you’ll make sure of it! Marco might be able to heal, but he isn’t a necromancer. Even he won’t be able to do anything about a corpse. Dying by your own hands will be better than being burnt alive by the magma Akainu will use on you.

You raise the knife high, then plunge it down at your stomach. A wide, manic grin breaks out across your face in what will be your final moments. You've taken control of your fate. You've won against Akainu. You can die happy knowing that.

Blood splatters all over your torso… but you don’t feel any pain. You blink once, then twice. Your eyes finally focus on the sight in front of you. The knife is stabbed into a hand. It then closes around the hilt and snatches the weapon from your hands. Ace lets out a string of curses as he stumbles back and rips his own dagger from his hand.

All you can do is stare at him. W… What? Why did he do that? That shouldn’t have hurt him. Why would a logia devil fruit user let himself get hurt like that?

Nurses rush toward him, but also you. All of your limbs are pinned down by them. Not that there was any need. The fight had left your body as your mind grew hazy again. You didn’t get it. You couldn’t comprehend what just happened or why.

A prick to your neck snaps you out of it. Your head was being held down, but your eyes flit to the side and see that Marco had a needle pressed into your neck and was injecting you with something. In an instant, a warmth spreads through you, and your body goes completely slack.

Marco heaves a sigh and sets the syringe aside. His hand gently strokes your hair for reasons you couldn’t understand. He speaks softly, “There we go, just calm down. You don’t have to go back if you don’t want to. It’s okay.”

On the other side of the room, Nurses are fretting over Ace’s wound. One even goes so far as to scold him, “What were you thinking? You have logia powers! Why would you let yourself get hurt like this?” Even in your sluggish state, your ears perk at the interrogation. You wanted to know this, too.

Ace looked almost offended by the question. “What do you mean “why”? If I’d let that go through me, it would have gone into them instead. Better my hand, than their guts.”

His answer did nothing but spawn more questions. What did he mean by that? Why would it be better for him to get hurt than for you to die? Your life was of no real significance to him. All that you were was a bargaining chip, and you didn’t even need to be alive for that. They just had to make the Marines believe that you were.

None of this makes sense. What is wrong with these people? You’re an enemy. Your death should be celebrated, not prevented. You don’t get it, and your mind growing more and more foggy by the second isn’t helping.

Your eyes are so heavy. Sleep… Sleep sounds good. Just for a little bit. You’ll figure this out after. It’s not like you’re going anywhere.

[iceemochaa]

I'll Taste You First Then Devour You Whole Later

Remmick X Reader

Summary: You Come home late at night from a party, Unaware that a stranger is following you. Too bad he wont get a warning to what's about to happen. A creature that stalks your home and calls you "Mine" doesn't like it when people try and take what belongs to him.

A/N: It took me 4-5 Days to write this with pure determination and horniness. Thank you to my Remmick’s Freak writers room that showed me that life is truly worth living if Remmick gets to take you in the forest, added with drool and spit swapping. If you notice anything missing in the tags pls don’t be afraid to let me know! If you see grammar mistakes, no you didn't :)

Warning : MDNI, No use of name or Y/n, Reader isnt described, Blood, Slight Blood Play, slight Predator/Prey, Female Reader, Murder, slight sexual harassment (mentioned), Spit eating (with Blood), Possessive!Remmick, choking (slight), Humping if you squint, Remmick Drools as usual, Cursing, Drool Eating, Stalking (mentioned), Remmick is greedy asf (who could blame him?),

Word Count: 2.6k

 He just killed someone. 

A man who was too busy trying to take what wasn’t his.

You were walking home from a party. Having caught wind of a new Juke joint opening, it only made sense to check it out. You and your merry band of friends who were bursting with excitement got ready that same day - picking out an outfit to wear, makeup that matched. Soon the opening hour was upon you. 

The place was nice, with lights suspended on balconies and a stage filled with instruments of all kinds. The Music was felt deep into the soul and the people who got in knew how to have a grand ole time. You danced and danced until your feet hurt, until your skin got all sweaty and your voice raspy from singing and hollering all night long. Once it got too late the crowd started to die down; People running to get home so they could wake up and catch the early morning. 

Once the music finally started to slow down and the crowd got smaller, You figured it was also time for you to go. So, you bid your friends a farewell. One of them offered to walk you home but You declined. You figured since it was too late nobody would be around, wondering and lurking in the night. Well, maybe except for one but that was an entirely different thing. 

He should have known better than to mess with women walking at night, alone. 

Especially women who have guard dogs waiting for them at home. 

You’re pinned down on the floor . Remmick touching all over you, marking his territory once more because some poor old bastard couldn’t read the “do not enter” sign properly. They got what they wanted. What they deserved. Now there’s multiple large, crankled, slash's deep into their chest, blood pooling from the wound. Their neck has been completely ripped off - the large organ of skin and muscle standing a few feet away from your face but you didn’t care. Not when Remmick was too busy making sure every inch of your body smelled like you again. Like him. 

If an unsuspecting viewer were to walk by they would have thought a rabid dog was mulling you to death. The scene was chaotic and obscene. A dismembered body a few feet away and a poor victim being ravaged by a beast. They would probably scream and shout for help, Ask if you were okay but nobody was coming for you. They never did. 

Not when He was around.  

In a situation like this you would have fought him off. Maybe Use anything to your advantage, grab a rock that was wedged by the tree, take the lonely branch on the side and use it as a weapon -  Like normal people would do to fight off a normal guy but he was not normal. Something that was entirely impossible to be and yet he was. 

“Remmick slow…slow down!” You cry out, gripping Remmicks shoulders for support when he licks a long, fat, strip up against your neck. It's late in the night, nothing but the cold breeze rattling the trees and startling a few birds. The dead stranger almost got you, almost had his way with you. He grabbed you from behind while you were a few feet away from your porch, pulled you close until your body was flushed against his and touched you. Wandering hands searched your skin and mouth pressed against the back of your neck. You screamed, trying your best to pull away from him, tossing your body from side to side but it was short lived when he shoved you towards the ground. 

“Quit it bitch! There aren't anybody up at this hour.” he chuckled, getting down on his knees to forcibly turn you over to your back. 

He wanted to get a real nice look at you, too bad you were going to be the last thing he ever saw. One of the things he ever saw. The moonlight shined against his face and you noticed that he looked familiar. You've seen him before, at the juke joint. He was drowning drink after drink but was short lived when he got kicked out for touching one of your friends. You remember cursing him out, screaming and shoving him out the door along with the bouncer who took notice. He was pissed, arguing that your friend asked for it. 

How stupid can men be? 

If only he had noticed that a creature lingered in the shadows of your porch. One that didn’t take too kindly at having their property be trespassed. 

“Remmick-”

“Can’t, busy. Need you to get rid of that stench you have.” Remmick says, getting in between your legs, in that comfortable position he always liked to be in , making sure his body was close enough. Remmick moves to press his face into you, rubbing his nose against the deep hollow of your neck. Pinning his body fully against your own. You can’t help the way your body reacts, the way he’s got his full weight  on you; Like he wants to get under your skin. No, he Needs to get under your skin. His hands are everywhere - His claws scraping lightly against your arms, legs, anywhere that showed too much skin. Areas that were infected by hands that didn't deserve to touch you. 

He still wasn't satisfied. 

“Remmick you killed someone!” you shout, Shoving his chest back to get his full attention. He didn't budge, he never does.  Too strong, ancient, powerful but he did stop to take you in - leaning back on his hunches,  Eyes searching your form. You weren't sure if he was inspecting you, eyes trailing down slowly and then snapping back to your face. He was frozen, quiet until after a few minutes, When the wind stopped blowing and the cicadas went silent. 

“Does it matter?” 

Your brows raised, confused at first. “Does it matter?...” you quickly repeat after, annoyance building on your tongue, “Yes! You can't have too many people up and go missing in this area cause you get all-”

“He was gonna hurt you…” he growls, a cold bloody hand reaching out to caress your face. His hand is bigger than before ; Longer, claws sharper , Like a predator. An elongated thumb glides against your cheek bone. His hands were rough, frigid and yet he held your face so softly. Careful, like you were fragile glass. 

“He was gonna take you…take what's mine away,” the pad of his thumb rubs along the bottom line of your lips, leaving a small bloody trail, “He was gonna die anyway.”

“...How…How would you have known that?” 

He sneers at your question, Disappointed that you would ask that but most importantly question him. He sighs loudly at that. Fine, he’ll entertain you, for a bit. He doesn't say anything for a short while but he does take note of how you watch him, eyeing the way he pokes his tongue out to lick the presence of blood away on his teeth. He finally decides to speak again. 

He whispers low so only you could hear him as if someone else was among the two of you. There was, he just wasn't alive to hear it. 

 “I could smell it on him,” he says, “Death.”

 The pad of his thumb gets replaced by a long claw, slowly dragged against your lip. He was careful once more; Careful not to prick the soft skin but his eyes were sharp, Dilated until there was nothing but red.  

It sends a shiver down your spine; How sinister he could look and yet moved in a way that was gentle. Ever so considerate of how human you are but soon after he adds in, interrupting the hypnotizing hold he has on you with a hint of amusement on his breath, “I just sped up the process.” 

Then a sudden grind of his groin against your clothed bundle of nerves sends signals to your brain. A pulse that Remmick hears all too easily. 

“Fuck- darlin’, I’m gonna make sure everyone knows you belong to me.“ he mutters under his breath. Talking more to the air, a warning to the universe. A threat.  A small squeak escapes your lips when he reaches under your skirt to bunch them up against your stomach, Warmth bubbling up in your cheeks. 

“W-What… What are you doing?” You ask with a shaky breath. 

Remmick looks at you with those too bright, intense, glowing eyes. Eyes that always manage to pick you apart and somehow put you back together again. He truly did look like a beast right now; drool hanging from his chin, hair rattled, clothes battered from the stranger trying to fight him off and those razor sharp teeth open to the midnight air. He doesn't say anything but his breathing is rapid, low, inhuman sounds deep in his chest. 

He sets his eyes on you, desiring building into his chest,  deciding that what he was going to do was going to be his life's goal. You feel a cold, wet, palm glide up against your thigh and you jolt. 

“Remmick!” you gasp, your leg shifting to the side but his strong grasp holds you down. 

“Shhh, baby, almost done…Just gotta get here too.” 

Blood is dripping from the corner of his mouth, his eyes locked unto your face. Hovering over your body,  There’s so much blood and drool dripping from his mouth that it starts to pool in between the crevices of your breast. 

“I should’ve known other fools would try and take you away,” he grunts, “Look what you did - what you made me do.” 

“Remmick please…” you whine. 

He pushes up against your body. Grinding his hips down hard, making sure you can feel him through his pants. “You liked that, didn’t you? Me, ripping a man apart cause he tried to take what’s mine?”

You look over once more at the corpse a few feet away. The look of terror still glazed over the man's eyes. The scene wasn't pleasant  to watch, to see a man be torn apart right in front of your eyes but the thought of a creature like that protecting you? Watching over you. Wanted you. How could you ever be ungrateful? Sure, it scared the hell out of you but all of that was forgotten. Head filled with nothing but Remmick and how much he wanted to devour you under the stars. 

If you admit that, tell him you liked it when he killed for you, how you liked that you were the one who made him like this. Well, let's just say you wouldn't make it out alive. So you lie…or atleast try your best. 

“N-No..” You turn your head away so you won't have to look in his eyes, have him see the telltale signs of a lie forming, yearning bleeding into your soul but he pulls your face back. A smirk playing on his mouth. 

“Look at me, sugar.” he says, “Dont lie-”

“I'm not lying-”

“Yes you are.” Before you have time to form another poor, fabricated excuse, Remmick moves with precision. His entire hand wraps around your throat, His claws digging into your skin and yet it did not puncture the vitals or muscles underneath. Careful. Your body leaps, not out of fear- No, far from fear but something much more terrifying.

Excitement.

 What's even more frightening than the thought of you liking what he's done, what he's currently doing to you, is the fact that he knows. 

“Look at the way ur squirming under me,” he laughs, “I can hear your heart racing.” He sits back, watching, observing. Loving the way your body reacts to him. Only him. 

“Tell me you want this,” He demands, “Or…I'll make you beg.” 

“Yes!” You say too loudly, too proudly. Embarrassment washed away with a strong passion to please. To be pleased. There was no use in denying it anymore, Eagerness building on your skin.  Remmick nuzzles his body back onto yours, his face tucked comfortably into your breast. He hums a low sign of approval, the sound seeps through his chest like a purr. Soon after a hiss flees your mouth when You feel a warm, rough, texture lap at the forgotten pool of blood and spit in between the crevices of your breast. His teeth scraping against your skin. He leans back up suddenly, the loss of contact almost makes you cry out. Desperate to feel him once more. Desperate to be wanted. 

He tucks his hand under your chin, lifting to view your face clearer. You looked beautiful like this. Under him, completely at his mercy. Like prey trapped in a predator's teeth. He wants more of you. 

All of you. 

“Open your mouth for me darlin’...” he says softly, nothing but adoration and need in his voice. 

Your body moves on its own, all logic and reasoning thrown out the window.  You obey him so easily, your autonomy completely lost to him. Your tongue lolls out, the cool breeze shrouding  the top of the muscle, anticipation building in your gut. Fuck, you wanted it . Wanted Him. Whatever he could give you.  You watch in a daze as Remmick pulls you closer, maneuvering your mouth right under his. He ghosts his open mouth over yours, slightly open, ready to drip warm trails of the substance right down your tongue. 

He can feel your thighs move to squeeze around his waist, a strong intensity blooming where he's still connected. He makes sure that he builds the mixed fluid along his tongue and lets gravity take its place. The taste was unpleasant and yet you wanted more. It comes out in thick, heavy, globs, flowing right into your mouth. The weight of it makes you gag but the ache you feel on your nerves only grows further. 

He sweetens the deal with locking his lips against yours. No permission needed to enter his tongue into your mouth so he could savor you, relishing the moment; Tasting his own spit, tasting the blood of the poor bastard who’s life was cut short. He tilts his head so he can get in deeper, push in closer, explore further. Your entire being completely, utterly, intoxicating . He makes sure to drag his tongue against the edges of your teeth, leaving nothing in your mouth untouched. The hunger only grows the more he consumes you. 

Hunger was an understatement. 

He was starving.

He only pulls away, reluctantly, when he feels you struggle against him. Your breathing completely fucked up and yet he didnt care. He made you like this, Debauched and panting against his lips; trying your best to catch your breath. He was going to ruin you, that was a fact. 

You think he's done when you feel him shift on his knees, like he was getting ready to scurry off to hunt some poor soul in the night once more. You should have thought better, Should have known better that he was only getting stirred on with every breathless moan and whimper you released into his mouth. 

“M’gonna eat you alive…” He says, the sense of Imminence in the air. Your eyes grow wide, danger prickling the hair on your skin. You should feel afraid, flight or fight should have kicked in and yet it doesn't. There's too many emotions running through you at this very moment; Fear, Danger but worse of all joy. Remmick uses his claws to drag them down your blouse, tearing the fabric in one go. Your chest and stomach are swiftly exposed to the open air. The sense of fear only spurs you on, heat pooling at your core. 

“When I'm done,” Remmick smiles inbetween, looking like a natural predator- scratch that, he Is a predator, “Nobody else will try and take you away from me. I'll make sure of it.” 

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ☾ ﾟ｡⋆₊ °✦ ‧ ‧ ₊ ˚✧⁺˚⋆｡ °✩₊˖⁺‧₊˚♡˚₊‧⁺˖

Tag list!: @cherryxhaze

[scudevils]

summer nights — JB9

pairing: joe burrow x fem!reader

warnings: smut, semi public?, teasing, oral (f receiving), established relationships, swearing, not proofread!!

synopsis: wedding joe makes brain go brrr [1.5k]

a/n: i wrote this in like 40 minutes after finally getting some decent pictures whoops

MASTERLIST

fuck he looked good in that shirt.

that was all you could think about for the past two hours, since you'd first seen him in it back home if you were being honest. it didn't help you'd had a drink, practically eye fucking him from across the room, where he was laughing at a joke sam had said, you were sitting, wanting to climb him like a tree.

were you ovulating? that was the only explanation for how badly you needed this man.

it was truly a gorgeous wedding, perfect in every sense of the word, sam and jess were one of the couples you and joe spent the most time with outside of the team, you clicked with jess the day you'd met her and ever since you'd been friends. you were part of her wedding party, the gorgeous dark blue dress she'd picked out for her bridesmaids somehow complimenting everyone.

they matched the blue suit jackets that the groomsmen had on, the one that rested over your shoulder when joe noticed you'd gotten a chill after the service.

joe wasn't a big drinker during the season, so it was always fun to see hin let loose without the consequences of an early morning training session. his movements were looser, a smile etched on his face and never leaving, and you loved every minute of it, you couldn't help but laugh at his little stumble when sam tried to get him dancing.

jess plopped herself down beside you, her skirt flowing out like the petals of a flower, heavy breathing as she'd just gotten off of the dance floor. "you gotta come up!" she shouted over the music, taking a swig of the drink she'd left on the table earlier. "cmon!" holding out her hand, you took it with a laugh, acting as though you were being dragged up.

"i can't dance, jess!" you shouted back at her, nearer the speakers now, you could feel the beat of the music through your body.

"neither can he," following where she was pointing at, you found joe and sam dancing together, covering your mouth as you couldn't help but laugh at the scene, you were definitely telling him about this tomorrow and you know he'd deny it.

wether it was the drink, it was most definitely the drink, or a false confidence from seeing joe not care, you followed jess's lead, dancing along to the music, the alcohol flowing through your veins, a smile a permanent feature on your face.

when you opened your eyes again, joe was gone from by sam, your eyes subconsciously scanning the room to find him, and when you didn't, your smile couldn't help bur fall. "i'll be right back, gonna find joe!" you weren't sure if she'd heard you entirely, just nodding her head at your words and trusted you'd be fine.

the music became less clear the further you got away, till it just became noise in the background, no longer thumping in your blood, the cool air in the hallway hitting you like a welcomed truck, only now realising just how hot it was in there.

you heard shuffling from the other end of the corridor, where the entrance to the toilets were and began to walk towards them, if you couldn't find joe, you could at least go to the bathroom. the sound of laughter from the main hall was faint now, finally able to hear yourself think. finally, when you reached the bathroom door, you could feel another presence behind you, hear them being breathing.

disregarding every horror movie you'd ever seen, you turned around to see your potential attacker, clutching a hand to your heart when you realised it was joe, you slapped his chest. "you dick! thought it was gonna die."

his laugh reverberated around you, warm and homely as he apologised for scaring you, his hands lingering on your waist as his fingers absentmindedly drew circles. "have i told you how beautiful you look tonight?" joe was a charmer, that was for sure, his words silky smooth.

"sure have, many times." you giggled, that was how he got you, laughing like a school girl who got some attention from her crush, wrapping your arms around his neck as you looked into his eyes. "doesn't hurt to hear it again."

joe dipped his head lower, lips barely brushing against yours, before pressing a chaste kiss to them. "you." kiss "look" kiss "so" kiss "beautiful" and another, your fingers tangling in the short strands of his messed up hair, pulling him impossibly closer to you, needing him closer.

"joe," you whisper against his lips, and he's already moving, his hand leaving your waist for a second as he's opening the door behind you, the bathrooms in the venue only one room rather than stalls, and your already unbuttoning his shirt when you hear the lock click. "been wanting you since we left."

"fuck, i know." he's saying back to you, cradling your jaw in his hand as he's bringing you in for another kiss, messing up your hair even more, his lips tainted a faint pink. "gonna need you to be quiet, okay?"

when you nod at his words, his hand finds the zip on the back of your dress, pulling it down as the front falls, the lacy bra you had on leaving nothing to the imagination, his hand grazes over the flimsy material, hearing you suck in a breath as he teases over your hardening nipples. "been wanting you too, baby, couldn't think right."

he's kissing up the centre of your chest, across your collarbone and up your neck, and you're supposed to just take it, be quiet as he says, but you can't help the small moans and whines that fall from your lips. "no marks," you tell him, joe's eyes flickering to yours. "not where they can see."

you hated how deliberate his touches were, how he knew where to touch to tease you, have you begging for more. joe knew your body more than you did. his hand ghosted down your back, slipping the rest of the dress down your body, pupils blown wide when he sees the matching pair of panties you had on. "gonna be the death of me."

the press of his body against yours was electrifying, every one of your nerves on fire, on edge as his hands went lower down your body, skimming over your clothed cunt, and laughing at your reaction. your boyfriend was a cruel man.

joe was in total control as he was now crouched below you, lifting one of your legs over your shoulder, his fingers rough against yours skin dipping below the sides of your panties and sliding them down your legs, "fuck" he muttered to himself.

before you can react, his tongue is on you, flat against yours cunt, lapping as if you'll disappear from him if he doesn't, and your head falls against the wall, eyes screwed shut, tugging on the strands of his hair, inadvertently pushing his closer to you, egging him on.

you had nothing to hold onto but him, your thighs locking his head into place, even if he wanted to move he couldn't, and he certainly did not want to move. his teeth grazing against yours clit had you jolting forward, nearly toppling over him from the force you got up, you disregarded his prior instructions, letting the moans tumble from your lips

there was no stopping it, whines and whimpers following, his name spoken like a prayer, his attack on your cunt relentless, his thumb coming up to circle your clit, the added stimulation had your orgasm rolling towards you. your mouth fell open in a silent moan, feeling his groan vibrating against yours, legs shaking a little as he never relented, thoughts fuzzy.

when joe looked up he swore he had died and went to heaven, wanting to take a picture to remember the moment forever, but alas his memory would do. he was setting your body on fire, raising hairs you didn't even know you had, fingering digging into his scalp a little deeper. "joe,"

your voice gave you away, just barely above a whisper, yet it drove him absolutely fucking insane, the sweet sound of his name from your lips. joe feels your legs shake around his head, squeezing him in and keeping him in his place between them, the hand in his hair having a hold thats teetering on painful, but he only groaned at the feeling. when his tongue leaves you there’s an empty feeling, although still worked through the after shocks by his thumb.

“fuck, you’re amazing.” he’s whispering against yours skin, pressing kisses to the warmth. you look down to see him straining against his trousers, wanting to help him when he stops you, pointing towards his watch. “gotta wait till we get home.”

you know he’s right, but that doesn’t stop your whine of protest.

[laser-tripwires]

i am occasionally reminded that parker knows how to shoot/handle a gun competently in redemption s1e3 and it's like, eliot, mr. "i dont like guns", why are you teaching people this.

(i am aware parker has a handgun in s1e1 but i dont think the skills are transferable to shotguns and its never really established if she can actually hit anything and also i doubt archie would train her in it bc its not a gentleman thief skill and by the same logic i doubt parker would teach herself bc its not particularly thief-y)

anon, this ask was like an early christmas present for me. i love when people are "wrong" in interesting ways, or if not wrong then... take a different view to what i do. so, parker and guns. i can't believe i've never made a post about this.

(heads up, i've stolen vast swathes of this post from conversations i've had with both @ghostlyarchaeologist and @aardvaark. words are all mine but ideas are mutually borne, so thank you both for being sounding boards at various points in the past. everyone go follow heather and adrian cos they're better at this than i am.)

right, let's talk about the pilot, becuase parker can absolutely hit things with that. both eliot and nate know immediately that hardison isn't a real danger, but the second nate hears the safety beng turned off there he whirls around and matches her threat; that's what you do when you know someone's not making pointless bluffs.

also, boiling this back to it's utter basics, what's the main skillset you use in order to handle a pistol competently? hand-eye coordination. which is something we know for sure parker has in spades; she's a master pickpocket and she learns fast.

we need to remember, also, that parker's initial sense of morality is completely fucked. or... not morality, exactly, but sense of what does and doesn't count as wrong, what does or doesn't count as harm? because there's that scene in homecoming, right, where everyone's protesting the concept of eliot having to do the thing they hired him for, and parker weighs in with "i never hurt anyone." except... like, the FIRST thing we know about parker is that she blew up a house as a child. it's canonical that the parents survived, but parker also spent six months in juvie and has broken out of prison multiple times and lived on the street for god knows how long and stork job shows she can fight pretty well pre-leverage, too. i'll come back to all this in a minute.

her being a crack shot with a gun is... not really incongrous with who she was pre-leverage. archie describes her when he found her as "a danger to herself and to others" and like YEAH no i buy that. i buy that completely.

next up, what about things that aren't pistols? well.

that's a fucking sniper rifle.

that's a fucking sniper rifle.

that is, and i cannot stress this enough, a fucking sniper rifle.

so yeah, i'd say that those skills are transferrable. she can take out an armed gunman and tie him up with duct tape, without causing a scuffle, and re-aim the gun. with enough consistency that nate knows for sure she'll manage it in less than three seconds. sure, we can chalk some of that up to parker at this point having had four seasons of eliot here's-how-you-take-out-thugs-with-guns fight training, but... i think at this point it's pretty fair to say that (regardless of the provinance of her skills) parker's kinda a good shot, actually.

okay, let's revisit that point about morality, because there are kinda a bunch of really important touchstones here.

so, john rogers once said that "parker is the second most dangerous person on the team, and eliot would argue first most dangerous." she's the team member with the least qualms about hurting people, always, and that's a detail that tends to get brushed over.

she would have killed tara here. she makes that extremely clear. i can't listen to that "Bye, now." and not get shivers.

talking of shivers.... "I want to do the right thing."

because, look, parker's not eliot. she's not thawing ice all the way through, and yet we're shown again and again that, despite that, "She has the nuclear winter inside her." there will always be a part of her who's first instinct is to jump, to hide, to run, to kill, to not care because caring hurts. but there's also a part of her that is softer than any of the team, that is a child who'll never grow up and yet grew up too fast. she grew up beaten, bruised, neglected and starved yet she's something wonderful - but she knows she's broken, she knows they all call her crazy, and it hurts. she wants to do the right thing, make the right choice, but she hates that it'll never be her first instinct. and the thing is? that's okay. she went through hell and back and turned out someone strange and weird and at times unkind, but... the team like how she turned out. hardison likes how she turned out. and that's worth the world - she just needs to remember it and believe it and use HER skills instead of trying to be something she's not. that is what parker and eliot's conversation in the ice cave is about, if you strip it back to it's bare essentials. parker doesn't want to be normal, she just wants to be normal enough for her friends.

has parker ever killed someone? i don't know. i don't know if she even thinks like that, in such clear terms - as i already talked about, parker's definition of 'hurt' is not the same as anyone else's.

so let's talk about broken wing job for a second, because absolutely everyone overlooks the reason why parker does the job in the first place - "You brought a gun? To my bar?"

because. yeah.

"Those guys are gonna rob this store, right? Which is fine. I don’t mind robbers who aren’t robbing me, or my friends, or kids or… But they brought a gun to the party, and that changes all the rules."

this is season five. she investigates the theives because she's bored - but she only decides to stop them because they brought a gun. that's the kind of very specific morality you only get after being the good guy for a very long time, and i do think that hanging around eliot probably helped affect that a bit.

actually, fuck it, look at what else she says about this whole thing in the broken wing job.

"No cops. No cops. That will actually increase the chances of people getting hurt. [...] Seeing a uniform in the middle of stealing something could cause you to panic, make bad decisions..."

"These guys aren’t that good, which is actually another reason why we should do this, ‘cause sooner or later, they’re gonna make a mistake. Someone’s gonna get hurt."

so. yeah. on the one hand, this is weapons safety 101, for someone in parker's position. "[The Leverage crew] don't use guns because - when guns come out, people die. This attitude very much comes out from traditional American crime literature, and also from talking to our professional criminal friends. Guns are messy, when they show up things escalate, you take a longer, harder fall when doing a crime with a gun - professional criminals are pathologically averse to carrying weapons." i'm quoting john rogers here, because i can, but you'll hear similar in any training manual, and it's especially relevant to parker's actions both here and elsewhere in the show.

on the other hand, mix up all those statements and it definitely implies parker has fucked up badly in the past. again, i don't know if she's ever killed someone. but.

well, for funsies, let's look at the rest of JR's above statement about gun safety (i'm quoting from his blog on the gone fishin' job, in case you wanted to find the source): "You do not point a gun at anything or anyone you are not willing to kill. [...] I had that drilled into my head at an early age. A gun has two settings - holstered and murderous. 'Wounded' is an accidental condition. Eliot in particular is aware of this, and one of the many reasons he does not use a gun is because he is trying to, well, not kill people anymore. Hardison is magnificently awful with weaponry. Although Parker is probably a fine shot, she's trying to play nice by the new rules, and only brought a weapon to the meet in the pilot because she wanted to get paid."

and all that is, more than anything else, the core and crux of everything i'm saying here. factor in how broken parker is, how we know she's made mistakes in the past, throw in archie's "a danger - to herself and to others" line, think about the tara rooftop incident... there's a picture emerging here. it's not a nice one, but it's unpleasantly clear.

so. where does that leave us?

well, it at least leaves me extremely certain for a vast number of reasons that eliot didn't need to teach parker how to shoot a rigged game.

[inktopuck]

juno | quinn hughes social media au (pt.9)

pt. 8

yournamehughes

Liked by elblue6, trevorzegras and others

yournamehughes happy birthday, you stunner. thank you for making me the happiest woman in the world and for being the best father to our children 🩵

trevorzegras i'll never forget you made me give him my mustard costume instead of matching with me!

yournamehughes well baby he was my bf by then, right

trevorzegras omg Y/N bros before hoes ALWAYS

l_hughes06 you didn't have to post the first one bro.

yournamehughes it's so cute!! he's taking a nap!

l_hughes06 don't try to gaslight me i know what you were doing before

bradytkachuk happy birthday qball!!! tea party at yours when?

_quinnhughes from all the pictures you could've chosen you went with me dancing on the table?

yournamehughes yes, coyote ugly queen

captainhughes childREN?????? plural???????

_quinnhughes

Liked by l_hughes06, jackhughes and others

_quinnhughes another great one! so thankful!

jackhughes pack it up with the pda quinn please some of us are single

colecaufield you guys went to the pumpkin patch without me. i see how it is i take back my happy birthday wish.

_quinnhughes you're literally 3k miles away

colecaufield YEAH BUT WE PLAY YOU NEXT WEEK WOULD IT HAVE KILLED YOU QUINTIN

_quinnhughes yes. get your own kid.

colecaufield WELL IT'S NOT LIKE I HAVEN'T TRIED

yournamehughes we need to know less about each other's lives

l_hughes06 you're cool sometimes. mostly not. but sometimes.

yournamehughes

Liked by _quinnhughes, elblue6 and others

yournamehughes oops we did it again

_quinnhughes ✌🏻❤️

elblue6 this is the best news ever! Jack and Luke you're falling behind!

trevorzegras quintin you dooooog

colecaufield omg quinn get off her

l_hughes06 another kid who will look up to me... we love to see it

jackhughes you're not winning this one over

l_hughes06 we'll see

jackhughes so if you really like the new kid can i get belly?

_quinnhughes no

bradytkachuk i say keep 'em coming!

elblue6 I said the same thing!

bboeser oh yeah! another hughes for the nhl

yournamehughes or pwhl!

bboeser of course!

eliaspettersson yessss time to bet on the gender again! last time i won some big bucks! thanks belly!

l_hughes06

Liked by yournamehughes, _quinnhughes and others

l_hughes06 first pic with the new baby

jackhughes you just HAD to didn't you

l_hughes06 yeah :)

lukeypookie what even is luke's feed

colecaufield Y/N get ready..... i'll be fist bumping that baby soon

_quinnhughes please don't punch my wife's stomach

curtislazar95 rusty you're always at the scene of the crime

dylanduke25 it wouldn't surprise me if luke walked around waiting for y/n to give birth so he could be the first one to hold the baby and not jack

yournamehughes what about the baby's father

dylanduke25 pushed aside immediately

pt. 10

[zepskies]

I've never actually done this before...

Reaching follower milestones has never really been my main goal here. I hopped over from Ao3 to the Tumblrverse two years ago to share my stories and see if I could connect more with any potential readers. What I didn't know was how amazing SPN (and adjacent Jackles fandoms) would be over here...

How much fun I would have expressing myself, challenging myself to write new things and grow as a writer, and getting to vibe with my readers and other amazing writers.

I now consider some of those special people my friends, and they continue to make my day better every time we interact — whether it's hyping each other up and fangirling in each other's comments and reblog comments, or talking about everything and nothing in our DMs. That support has gotten me through some rough times in the past two years.

So "celebrating" this milestone of over 5,000 followers is really just me saying THANK YOU to everyone who's supported me by reading, commenting, and reblogging my work, helping me brainstorm, giving me inspiration, or just simply being my friend! 💜

⋆˙⟡ WAYS TO PARTICIPATE:

Because you guys know I'm extra af 😂, there are 3 sections to choose from:

⟡ Ask Me Stuff

⟡ Summer Writing Challenge!

⟡ Mini Fic Requests

Ask Me Stuff:

⟡ Let's revisit these EOY Artist/Writer questions. Ask me any of them!

⟡ Ask me anything you want to know about my storyverses: Break Me Down, Unravel Me, Lost On You, Midnight Espresso, Smoke Eater, The Honorable Choice, Every Second Counts, Take Me Home, or any others!

Summer Writing Challenge:

If you're feelin' frisky and wanna join this summer writing challenge of less than 5,000 words before September 1, here's how to play...

💗 Gif Check: I'll send you a gif depending on the character you choose from the list below. Write a story that matches the vibe or completes the "scene." Just shoot me an ask with the character you want to write about, and request a gif!

🎨 Color Prompt: You choose a character from the list below. I'll choose a color palette for you based on what I think your aesthetic is!

🎙️ Songfic: Give me a character + a decade and/or genre of music, and I'll give you a song to match!

**Guidelines:

Submissions with pairings can be Character x Reader, Character x OC, or Character x Character.

(Please no RPF or Wincest.)

Include tags, notes, warnings if necessary - including if it's 18+

Please use the "Keep Reading" break if it's over 500 words.

Max word count 5,000 (for your sanity lol). Minimum 500 words.

Tag @zepskies (me) somewhere in the post.

Include this tag - #Zepskies 5K - within your first 5 tags.

Send me an ask until July 30! Post your fic by September 1.

I will of course read and reblog with my thoughts on your amazing work! If you get a chance, please try to do the same for others who participate. At the end, I will compile a master rec list of each fic submitted. 💜

Mini Fic Requests:

Uno Reverse! 🔄 For these drabbles (1,000 words or less), I will only answer non-anonymous asks so I can verify if you're over 18. Please make sure your age is listed in your bio! 😉

Check out the "characters I currently write for" down below. My inbox will be open for these types of requests from June 27 - July 4 only!

💗 Gif Check: Pick a character from the list and send me a gif! I'll do my best to write you a drabble that matches the vibe.

🎨 Color Prompt: I've been getting a lot of inspo from color aesthetics and moodboards lately. Pick a character from the list and a color. Any color! I'll do my best to write a drabble with that color scheme in mind.

🎙️ Songfic: Most people who know me know that I get a lot of inspo from music. Pick a character from the list and send me a song you think I'd like! I'll do my best to write a drabble that fits the song.

☕️ Characters I currently write for:

(or would like to write for)

⟡ Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester - Supernatural ⟡ Soldier Boy - The Boys ⟡ Mark Meachum - Countdown ⟡ Beau Arlen - Big Sky ⟡ Russell Shaw - Tracker ⟡ Joel Miller - The Last of Us ⟡ Javier Peña - Narcos ⟡ Harry Castillo - The Materialists ⟡ Alec McDowell - Dark Angel ⟡ Jason Teague - Smallville ⟡ Boaz Priestly - 10 Inch Hero ⟡ CJ Braxton - Dawson’s Creek ⟡ Éomer, Aragorn, Haldir, Thranduil - Lord of the Rings/The Hobbit

THANK YOU!! (Part 1)

@luci-in-trenchcoats @lamentationsofalonelypotato @waynes-multiverse @deans-spinster-witch @roseblue373

@wvffles @tofics @kazsrm67 @mostlymarvelgirl

@chevroletdean - Thank you for giving me the idea for the "color" prompts and the guidelines for the writing challenge with your 500 follower celebration!

@winchestergirl2 @lacilou @lyarr24 @ladysparkles78 @waywardxwords

@twinkleinadiamondsky @my-stories-vault @0ccvltism @wayward-dreamer @waywardlatina

@rizlowwritessortof @k-slla @jackles010378 @alwaystiredandconfused @nancymcl

@this-is-me19 @spnwoman @illicithallways @pieandmonsters @deansbbyx

@deanwinchesterswitch @stoneyggirl2 @fics-pics-andotherthings-i-like @jollyhunter @moodyquesadilla

@deanwinchestersgirl87 @rachiem4-blog @leigh70 @aylacavebear @jessjad

@siampie @spnbabe67 @talltalesandbedtimestories @sam-is-my-safe-word @redhoodieone

@deanbrainrotwritings @alwaystiredandconfused @supernotnatural2005 @kmc1989 @foxyjwls007

[lovethegenuine]

Heaven Personified.

Chapter One: Uneventful Beginnings.

Pairing: no outbreak/widower!Joel Miller x fem!reader

Summary: You're a newly graduated twenty-two year old that's recently just hauled ass down to southern Louisiana after your sister helped earn you a job offer for the local elementary while you live under her roof. However, the local lone wolf that works for your sister on her ranch and is especially cold towards you for some mysterious reason and you're determined to find out why.

Warnings: +18 (as always) Only thing that really needs a warning as of right now is that there's a twenty two year age gap. Eventual smut is on the way, however!

Notes: mmmmm joel imagery im so horny??? who said that.

Word count: 2.6k

Additional notes: Here's the playlist that goes along with this series! Enjoy :)

Being a brand new college graduate isn't the easiest thing to be when you're an adult. You learned this yourself when you earned your bachelor's degree in English.

You attended college up in Massachusetts near your hometown, where your parents supported you while achieving higher education. However, throughout your time in college, you felt a yearning within yourself grow. It was a distinct emotion you knew was brought on by the desire to escape. You never did enjoy your boring life at home. When your older sister eloped with her wife, you were left alone to live with your parents. Don't get it wrong, you loved your parents, but they weren't the liveliest pair of people. This only became more apparent after you graduated.

After a year of boring nights and odd jobs that weren't even close to your major, your sister called. You'd just gotten home after an uneventful shift at your local grocery store and had almost attempted to ditch the uniform when your ringtone ran out through your quiet home. Your parents had already gone to bed, so you quickly answered just to shut your phone up.

"Hello?" A familiar voice entered your ears as you dropped your keys on the coffee table in the living room.

It wasn't unorthodox for your older sister to call you out of the blue. Even after she'd been gone for nearly seven years, you both still had a good relationship. Sometimes she'd visit, but she preferred not to, given your parents' opinion on her marriage.

"Hey old bastard, what's up?" You responded with a certain sarcastic whimsy that had been carried all throughout your years of being siblings.

"I'll literally make you eat shit if you call me old again." She returned the energy with a flippant threat and a giggle.

After some small chatter about life and the health of your parents, she shot an offer your way, one that made you light up with a curious glow.

"Ah, so, I got an offer for you. They're short-staffed at the elementary here, and I know you've been struggling in the job market, so I told them you'd be perfect for the job as an English teacher."

"So, I'd be, like, a nepo baby?" You remarked.

"Not necessarily, well, listen. You can come live with me and the wife while you work and see if it's a match. I know it's not like you'd prefer it up there with the real old bastards." She was right.

However, the prospect of living down in the rural south sounded like hell. The bugs, the heat, the smell. In that moment, it didn't seem worth it for a job in your field. Before you could even think about a way you'd reject her offer, she spoke up again.

"And, I miss you." The genuine sincerity in your sister's voice made you fold instantly.

You suddenly found yourself putting in your two weeks and packing your things, hauling them into your sister's car. She'd graciously driven all the way out, back to your hometown after over twenty-nine hours and a night at a hotel just to transport you back to her state. If that didn't show how much she loved you, it's uncertain what would've.

"Any, uh, luck in the dating scene?" Your sister asked, her eyes never leaving the road.

You both were on the last leg of the trip, and this was her attempt at not only keeping you awake but also scoping out any personal details you neglected to tell her.

"You know I would've told you already." This was a genuine statement, as you seldom hid stuff from your sister.

Your eyes fluttered as you struggled to stay awake. Both of you booked a hotel in Kentucky for the night, but you didn't get much sleep with how anxious you were. New opportunities made you anxious. You didn't like the idea of starting off fresh, and while you'd done countless training sessions for becoming a teacher, those were all controlled scenarios. You'd now be put to the test with little to no help.

You instinctively frowned as your eyes closed completely while your body sank into the passenger seat. Before your sister could question your grievances, you fell asleep and dreamt up something quite odd.

Visions of various events flashed through your mind as your physical body relaxed into a peaceful state. Most of what you dreamt was anxiety ridden and made no sense, to no surprise. At some point, however, the setting of the dream started to become more stable. You didn't exactly remember how this section of the dream started, but when you looked down, you noticed a long glimmering fabric hugging your body. You were now wearing a dress—a shiny pink one. One that most little girls dream of wearing one day. The details of the dress were dulled from the dream, like how most clothes look when generated from AI, but you didn't feel the need to care. You then angled your head up, noticing how the room morphed into a ballroom balcony. A faint tap on your shoulder alerted you, provoking you to then turn around.

"What a beauty." A soft voice bellowed from the wavering figure in a black tuxedo. Their face was blacked out, or it was possible that you just couldn't remember their features.

Behind them, you could see open doors that led back to a glorious ballroom. The figure shifted closer to you, successfully blocking your view of the room.

"Focus on me, please." They pleaded gently. It wasn't a familiar voice at all, and before you could rack your brain for the real-life source, they spoke again.

"We're almost here." This time, the voice became more distorted as they kept repeating that same sentence.

You awoke rapidly in the passenger seat and bore a confused face as you yelped, "I'm awake!" Which sounded more like a question than an assertion.

"Woah, I'm sure you are, kiddo!" Your sister giggled as she used a gentle hand to guide your body back into your seat.

You let out a groggy sigh as your body relaxed again while your eyes shifted to the passenger side window. You were finally in the countryside, which wasn't exactly your lifelong goal, but it was ten times better than fishy Cape Cod or Nantucket—or maybe it wasn't. You were sure about to find out.

Flashes of green grass, lazy pastures, and quaint homes passed by your eyes as you visualized what your new life would be like. Tranquil? You'd be dealing with kids all day. Clean? Your sister works on a farm. Quiet? That's something you could definitely look forward to on your days off.

"Oh, maybe on your days off, you could help out with the livestock?"

Nevermind.

At least you had your sister, who spoiled you and took care of you for the majority of your life. That's something you knew you'd always look forward to.

"You don't have to, though, so don't feel pressured! I just am always working, and maybe it'd be a good way to bond." Your sister had a sheepish-looking smile when she tried to take back the offer. You could tell she felt a little guilty for that suggestion.

"Well, how else will I earn my keep?" You reassured her.

The tense grip she had on the wheel relaxed, as well as her entire body. Truthfully, it had been a while since you both hung out, not over the phone, so she was trying not to bore you with her lifestyle.

Your eyes glanced to the front of the road as you noticed a lovely ranch in the distance. Taking a small look at the porch, you noticed a cushioned bench, along with tons of different potted plants. It was pretty, not to mention just well-maintained overall.

"Is that yours?" You questioned while pointing to the home.

"That would be it, yes." Your sister affirmed softly.

The car continued to roll down the road until it hit the driveway. Its tires slid across the gravel before coming to a complete stop.

"I believe the wife isn't home, so why don't I give you a tour of the house before we unpack the car?" Your sister suggested while putting the car in park.

You nodded your head in agreement as you began to unbuckle yourself.

"I also think Joel is working on the farm, tending to the horses today too, so you'll be able to meet him."

Your eyebrows instinctively furrowed as you froze before you opened the passenger side door.

Am I just supposed to know who Joel is? You thought to yourself as you angled your head towards your sister, who was already out of the car and headed to your side.

Your eyes continued to follow her as you exited the car as well. Her gentle smile faded as she furrowed her brows as well out of confusion.

"What?" She bluntly questioned, looking around awkwardly.

"Joel?" You remarked, insinuating your puzzlement.

"Oh! Sorry. That's my coworker, or, technically, my employee. He's worked with me since he moved here. Not much of the chatty type, but his work ethic is good." Your sister shrugged as she then waved her hand, signaling you to follow her.

Her house was what you'd expect any ranch to feel like. Open, warm, and comforting. You could tell which interior choices were from the influence of your sister versus her wife. Your sister had always been the rustic type, while her wife was a green thumb. There was a buck deer head mounted on the wall with two horseshoes on either side. It was masculine, much like your sister. On the other hand, the living room floor was lined with an Aztec print rug that fit perfectly under their coffee table, which housed at least three different house plants.

You were able to see the couple's differences in interior decoration displayed in various rooms as your sister showed you around. However, it was refreshing to see how they complemented each other. It made you jealous, and you weren't exactly thrilled at whatever third-wheel shenanigans you'd be put into. Nevertheless, you were happy to finally live with your sister, so you knew any qualms would be worth your while.

You and your sister finally neared the end of her house tour as she led you to the back deck. It was beautifully decorated, and the view was even more stunning. You could see everything from there, like the chicken coop, the cornfield, and the cattle. What was most noticeable to you was the horse stables, specifically the person standing with his back to both of you near the stables.

Your sister was busy showcasing all of the different buildings that were littered around her farm, until her eyes fell on the man as well.

"Oh shit, that's him!" Your sister exclaimed, and without a beat, she called him over.

"Joel!" She shouted with a certain excitement that was tangible to you and presumably the man she'd called out to.

He turned only half of his back to face you and your sister, but that was more than enough. His rugged face was the first thing you noticed. The years that passed by in his life definitely took plenty of time aging him just right. This was apparent by the stern fine lines that had carved themselves into his face. You could tell he'd displayed every emotion one could ever have. In other words, it was easy to gauge his experience through his face. He gave you a stare that you could tell wasn't out of malice, but to make his acute awareness distinguishable. He was taking you in just as you were him. Maybe not in the way you were drinking his appearance like water, but he was reading you nonetheless.

His sleeves were rolled up halfway, exposing the arm hair that hugged his tan skin. His muscles were ever so slightly defined by the casual button-up that was soaked from the sweat that glazed his body. You'd never been the type to gawk at men, especially those twice your age. However, in that moment, you felt rabid. Like you'd been starved all your life, and this man was the only meal that could satiate your hunger. You wanted to kiss the scar that ran slightly under the radix of his nose, to run your fingers through his hair, to caress his scruffy beard. You wanted to take him in physically and also mentally.

Your face felt like it was going to melt as he smiled at your sister. Whether it was more of an appeasement grin or a genuine smile, you couldn't tell. You were just happy to know how his lips looked when curled. You felt a smile of your own creep up on your face, and he began walking up to your sister and you.

"You never told me he was hot." You panicked through your teeth.

"Excuse me?" Your sister yelped while turning to you, appalled.

"Oh, right. You're gay." You shot back without hesitation.

Before your sister could become any more offended, Joel had made his way to you both and spoke.

"Glad to see you back so early. Is that the little sister?" He asked while gently pointing to you.

His voice was low and slightly rough. It's what you'd expect any older man's voice to sound like, but that didn't take away from his charm. He also had an accent, but you couldn't decipher where it was from. Possibly Texas, or maybe Tennessee. Regardless of the location, you still loved it. Maybe a bit too much.

Your sister confirmed his observation and gave him your name. You would have preferred to give him your name yourself and felt a tad moody at the loss of an interaction, but when he turned to you again and repeated your name back to you, it made you go blank. Not to mention the fact that he gave you a grin while taking your hand to shake. It's like he knew what he was doing to you.

He didn't actually. You knew it was formalities, but for the time being, you'd like to believe that he was subtly trying to court you.

You naturally returned his greeting with a sweet face as your sister spoke up.

"Yup. She's gonna be one of the new teachers down at the elementary." She announced proudly while looking honored to be your sibling.

However, upon hearing your new line of work, Joel dropped your hand and his smile. If you hadn't been so enthralled with him, you might not have even noticed his slight shift in behavior, but you did.

"Oh." He flatly remarked while putting his head down while giving you both a now strained smile.

Your sister was about to start bragging about you again until Joel cut her off.

"I really have to get back to my work. Mind if we do this another time?" It was unconvincing to you, but you knew your sister wouldn't push it, and she didn't.

You both watched as he trudged back to his work, leaving both you and her confused.

"Well, I guess that just proves what I said." She shrugged as she waltzed back into the house, leaving you to gaze longingly at Joel, wondering what had changed.

You sighed, a little disappointed that your first encounter was awkward. Especially since you wanted to make a good impression. You eventually left to join your sister inside, but you knew you'd not only be thinking about that interaction, but Joel overall would be stuck on your mind all day.

And that's something you worried about.

[hannieoftheyear]

love personified (k.mg)

walking back home from your breakup, just hours before valentine's day is finally over, you encounter a pretty stranger who seems to know everything you want

🏹 pairing: cupid!mingyu x f!reader

🏹 w.c: 5,6k

🏹 genre: supernatural au, smut, fluff, angst. MDNI.

🏹 warnings: mingyu's a bit of a stalker, has superpowers, is very strong and he also flies (important for later), mention of a break up and talks about the future | smut warnings: flying sex? like in the sky... yeah, dirty talk, praise, fingering (f. rec), unprotected sex (don't be stupid like them).

🏹 note: i first intended to make this more fluffy but something took over me and added plot and then the smut and the angst and here we are

check out my main masterlist ♡ dividers used: candy hearts, heartbeat

🏹 note 2: the beginning was HEAVILY inspired by damon and elena's first meeting in the vampire diaries, also stole some dialogue from the scene heh.

🏹 last note i swear: I tried to make a banner, and idk how to feel about it... but I wanted something new! I'll see if I keep them for the future

hope you like this! can't wait to read your thoughts <3

February is always the hardest, most chaotic month to work as cupid. During the rest of the year, Mingyu feels like he has all the time in the world to find someone’s perfect match, to set up meet-cutes and “coincidences” for people to realize their feelings. But as the clock ticks and January 31st becomes February 1st, people’s need to find the perfect Valentine’s Day date intensifies, and they start looking for dates themselves instead of letting him do his job.

Mingyu has to work overtime to make sure every person he’s singled out doesn’t mess up. He doesn’t have time for couples, even if he made the match or not, so he usually deals with their problems once the holiday is over. 

That’s why he didn’t notice you’d been fighting with your boyfriend all day. 

Mingyu was aware of you. You’ve been together with your boyfriend long before he came to your town, so you haven’t really needed his services. But as he worked hard to find your friends’ perfect matches, he took notice of you. Every time someone close to you came to you for advice, what you’d tell them was always what Mingyu was thinking. But he couldn’t interfere with your relationship, especially as you seemed to not have any problems.

Just two hours before February 14th is finally over, after a very tiring, rushed day to make sure every person he was working with had the best day possible, Mingyu decides to fly around town in case anyone else needs last minute help.

He’s the best at what he does. He follows the rules and meets his goals with outstanding results. On the days when he gets the best results, he allows himself to go find you and just see you being there. 

Tonight, he didn't forget about you, but he didn’t have time to catch up with your life all day. So, when he finds you walking on an empty road alone, with your phone in your hand, sobbing quietly, he can’t resist it. 

Mingyu doesn’t usually present in his human form, but this late at night, on a dark empty road far from the lights of the town, there’s no danger. Only you. And it's easy to make sure no one remembers him when it's only one person.

“Is everything okay?” You’d turned your head to see if any cars were driving by, so Mingyu takes you by surprise, standing a few feet ahead. 

“Fuck! Where did you come from?” You scream as you take a step back away from him. 

You squint as you analyze Mingyu up and down, noting you’ve never seen him before. And you should be scared. You would be if he didn’t seem so... nice? A wave of comfort rushes past you, but you still keep your distance, in case your intuition's failing you. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” Mingyu smiles warmly as he finally heard your voice directed to him after so long. “I’m Mingyu.” 

“And I don’t mean to be rude, Mingyu... but it’s kinda creepy that you're out here in the middle of nowhere.” Your eyebrows frown, but your voice stays soft, your body relaxing after the initial scare. 

“You’re one to talk. You’re out here alone, too.” Mingyu can’t resist the urge to tease you, smirking as you seem to get interested in the interaction. 

“It’s my town. Nothing bad ever happens here.” You avoid telling him the reason you’re there at first, but as your instincts keep telling you to not be afraid, you decide that telling a seemingly friendly stranger your problems might not be that bad. “I broke up with my boyfriend.” 

“Why? May I ask?” Mingyu inquires, hands in the air in response to your questioning gaze. “And today of all days.” 

“The future.” You sigh, weirdly trusting him with more. “He had everything figured out, his whole life with me, and I...” 

“And you don’t want it?” Mingyu can’t help but ask. It’s his nature after all. 

“I… don’t know what I want.” Your arms cross in front of your chest, confused by Mingyu’s interest in you, but curious enough to keep talking to him. 

“That can’t be true.” Mingyu lifts one eyebrow, not teasing, but rather thinking he can actually help you for once. “You want what everybody wants.” 

“Huh... a mysterious stranger who has all the answers.” You provoke, not believing someone you’ve never seen in your small town could hold the answer to a problem that has been tormenting you for weeks. 

Mingyu chuckles in response, your teasing behavior making you more interesting in his eyes. He has seen you in circumstances where you always reacted in the same way, a shallow character of you formed in his head. And now, he can see you with other eyes. A new layer to you he can explore. 

He's watched people at their most vulnerable, created an atmosphere for them where they can be themselves so he can find someone for them. The way you challenge him, but at the same time trust him, is harboring thoughts in his mind he shouldn’t have. 

“Let’s just say helping people is what I do. I’ve learned a few things over time.” Being as vague as he can, Mingyu hopes that’s enough for you to come close to him and let him tell you what he thinks you need. 

“So, Mingyu, tell me. What is it that I want?” You seem like you fell for it, but is it a game to you? You want to see how far this pretty stranger can take it. Mingyu, on the other hand, might just break the single rule he's followed his entire life. 

“You want a love that consumes you. You don’t want someone safe. You want passion and adventure. Even a little danger.” 

Whatever you were expecting Mingyu to tell you, it wasn’t anything close to what just came out of his mouth. But he was... right? 

Previously to your fight with your now ex-boyfriend, you never thought about what you wanted, about your future. You cared about living in the present. Mingyu liked that about you. It gave you a certain perspective of life other people lacked, and it’s what made you such a seeked out advice giver amongst your friends. And your boyfriend, he was good, safe, a constant in your life. There wasn’t anything particularly wrong about him, you just stopped feeling like you used to, he stopped being what you needed.

“You seem to know so much about love.” You can only reply, and he smiles. A smile that’s just as warm as it’s proud. 

“I live for love. It’s what I do.” Deep within the both of you, there’s an understanding, a growing trust. Mingyu waits for your confirmation, on the brink of deciding to have one selfish night. 

Since the dawn of time, the first warning everyone gets as children is to not trust strangers, and you’ve followed that advice every day of your life. But your gut urges you to trust the kind looking man who seems to know exactly what you want. An impulse, prompting you to give in, just for one night, to make you forget about the reason you were alone on the road in the first place. 

“Would you show me?” Is all Mingyu needed to hear to take a step closer in your direction.

“We have to do something about your things first.” You had already forgotten about the tiny bag you chose to wear, only because you were supposed to be on a date, hanging loosely from your shoulder.

“What are you planning to do?” You don’t stop Mingyu as he grabs your bag and walks to the side of the road, hiding it behind one of the big trees.

“I was thinking of starting with the adventure part.” When he doesn’t return to your place on the empty road, you follow him to where he stands, watching your every move carefully.

“I’m fine with that.” The spot where you purposely decide to stand is dangerously close to him, his personal space blending with yours.

“Promise me you won’t get scared. I got you.” Now barely centimeters away from you, Mingyu has to tilt his head down to be able to look at you. You nod, and your eyes show no sign of fear as he places both his hands on your waist to hold you. “Hold tight.” 

A bit reluctant, but still trusting, you wrap both of your arms around his neck with a questioning look. Mingyu smirks lightly but gives you no time to realize what it causes in you because you stop feeling the ground beneath your feet. 

You should be afraid. A man you just met can fly and is lifting you up in the air with him, with no protection whatsoever. But his hands around you feel tight and secure, and you trust he won't let you fall.

“How do I not feel heavy? Like, I'm flying too, and it's not just holding me.” You ask, too curious about his mystery powers.

“You know when a piece of metal touches a magnet, it gains its magnetism too? It's something similar. As long as a part of you is in contact with me, you'll fly too.”

“And you don't have wings?” 

Mingyu loves the way your brain works, and he can’t help but chuckle at your genuine curiosity. “You think I should be a baby with tiny wings and a heart bow and arrow?” 

“Don’t be mean!” You wish you could hit him lightly in the shoulder, but that would mean you'd have to retrieve your hand from your hold momentarily.

The adrenaline rushes quickly through your body, seeing how the night sky gets closer and the city below you grows far. 

“The view’s so pretty.” You say after a moment of silence, admiring the town lights from a distance. 

“Really pretty.” Mingyu replies, but his head hasn’t turned, eyes fixed on your face analyzing your every feature. 

When you hear his voice so close to you, his warm breath reaching your skin despite the wind, you turn your head back to him and find his eyes in you. “You’re not looking.” The words mix with giggles. 

“I’ve gotten used to it.” Mingyu’s gaze dips to your smiling lips for just a second. “I much rather look at other beautiful things.” 

Warmth spreads from your stomach up to your cheeks. “You’re good at this.” Avoiding his eyes by entertaining yourself with the view doesn’t work very well. 

“At what?” Mingyu teases, loving the way your cheeks pink up because of him.

“You’re very charming.” If Mingyu decided to tilt his head a little closer, you’re sure your heart would burst out from your chest.

“I know what people like. It’s one of the perks of doing my job.” The cocky tone only strengthens his influence over you.

“And what would that be?” Already surrendered to whatever he has in store for you, you instigate him further.

“I know what people want to hear, what they want to feel, how they like to be cared for and touched.” Mingyu’s hand tucks a rebel strand of hair behind your ear and takes the chance to brush his fingers down your neck and arm, managing to hold you steady with only one arm.

“Touched, huh?” If he knows what you want, then he must be stalling giving you exactly that.

“It’s really important information to accurately do my job." The courage gained allows you to lose your grip around his neck to let one of your hands play with Mingyu’s hair, and your moves just broaden the smirk that hasn't worn off him.

“You know, you said you'd show me the things I want, but so far, we've only levitated from our original spot.” It was easy for you to trust, and frankly, ,, and there’s no doubt he has more knowledge than the average person. But his teasing grips and touches are doing nothing more than getting you in the mood for something that there’s no guarantee is going to happen. “You’re making me doubt you.”

“I don’t know how much you want me to show you.” Mingyu might have a sense for love and lust, but he’s no mind reader. As much as he wants to believe the fire he sees behind your eyes as your hands take their time to feel the warm skin behind his neck is because you want him just as much as he does, he can’t do anything unless you explicitly want to as well.

“I want more.” You want to feel everything that you felt was missing before, and in Mingyu’s hands, you just know he’ll make sure you do.

“More?” Mingyu’s last will to resist you, last chance to listen to the tiny voice in his mind that’s telling him that this is a bad idea.

But, how bad can it be if his whole body’s telling him to give you what you want? To give in to his desires for once?

“Make me feel what you know I want. Touch me like you think I'd like to be touched.” 

How wrong can it be if you're in his arms asking him for it, flying on the sky with only your trust in him to guarantee you’ll be safe, with your oh so pretty doe eyes piercing through the thin wall shielding his self control.

“I will, but you can’t remember that you met me.” It pains Mingyu to say it out loud, but he can’t hide the reality from you. “I have to erase me from your memory.”

“Why?” You knew it was too good to be true. “I won’t tell anyone.” In different circumstances, you'd be embarrassed to sound as needy as you just did. But there's no witness in the quietness of the sky.

“I’m not supposed to do this,” Mingyu sighs, “I’m not supposed to get personally involved with a human.” When he says it out loud, it makes sense. But when he connects his eyes with you again, it doesn’t make sense to him that you’re off limits, that he has to resist you. How could he?

“And I’m not supposed to trust a stranger that comes up to me in the middle of the night and offers to fly me around the city.” A small smile fights to appear on Mingyu’s otherwise worried expression. “But okay, I’ll let you mess with my memories. At least promise me you’ll give me the best night of my life.”

“I promise you.” Mingyu’s going to give you whatever you ask for. After all, it’s his job to cater to people’s desires.

With his hands back on your waist, as tight and secure as they can, Mingyu elevates the both of you higher, hiding your bodies behind the few dense clouds, so no stray stargazing human can be testimony. He waits for you to take in the view, the new ambiance in which he’ll make you yours for the night.

Waiting might be part of his plan, making you crave his touch until you beg for it. “So, how would you start? Besides flying me to where no one can see us.” You try to taunt him, but as you finish verbalizing your thoughts, you feel the warmth of his body all around you.

“First, I'd touch you.” His hands sneak below your shirt. The pads of his fingers barely graze your skin as they travel up your chest. “Find that spot that paints the whole of you with goosebumps.” Easily, but not surprisingly, Mingyu takes the time to feel every part of your torso, and when you gasp lightly as he reaches the small of your back, just above where the fabric of the skirt you luckily decided to wear begins, he knows he found it.

“And then?” Breathless, your eyes refuse to leave his, entranced by the glimmer of lust behind them.

“I'd press you against me.” What he says, he does, wasting no time. “Kiss your neck right where I can feel your pulse.” With his lips on the sensitive skin of your neck, Mingyu feels your pulse completely accelerated, and he can’t help but smirk against you. “How am I doing?”

“It's alright.” He aims to remove his head from the crook of your neck, but your hand keeps him there, and he chuckles right on your skin. “Don’t you dare stop.”

“You like being pressed up against me?” Your hands tighten around Mingyu’s collar as he keeps kissing up your neck, and you hum at his words. “There’s other things I could be doing.”

A sudden cold wind reminds you of where you are, and when Mingyu senses the sudden scare inside you, he continues with his plan, helping you forget. He sneaks one of his hands below your pretty skirt and just lightly touches your covered mound. You wish you could tear off his clothes, throw them in the air to nowhere so you could feel his hot skin against yours, just how he likes to feel yours.

“Shit.” You barely get the curse out as Mingyu licks his way up your neck.

“Do you want me to touch you?” His voice sounds deeper, with a tint of something you can’t quite decipher exciting you for what’s next.

“Yes!” You don’t mind sounding desperate if it gets you what you want, but instead, he stops moving and only presses his fingers against your core.

“Say it.” The way your panties grow wetter at his demand has Mingyu salivating. “Say you want my fingers inside you.”

“I thought you knew what I wanted.” A lousy attempt at provoking him, as Mingyu's already ten steps ahead of you.

“You love getting told what to do. So, say it.” His face is a mere inch away from your face, with his breath tickling over your parted lips, but he does nothing to change it, challenging you.

“I want your fingers inside of me.” You state, with your eyes connected to his teasing ones, your hand drifting down to find his and sliding in under your panties for once. “Now.”

“Hmm, that's what I wanted to hear.”

His shoulders become your next victim. You grip them like your life depends on it –it does, your fingers dig on his toned muscles as his toy with your cunt, spreading your lips apart and circling your clit as if you're not dripping down into the clouds below already.

You use the strong hold on his firm body to grind against his hand, searching for the friction he's refusing to give you. His nod of approval encourages you further, and in no time, you've coated the whole of his hand with your juices.

When two of his fingers slip into your core at once, curling them to give you every sensation at once, your walls welcome the girth of his fingers, pushing a surprised moan out of you.

Mingyu moves them in and out of you steadily, letting you feel every stretch and every spot the tips of his fingers reach and touch. Gasps and moans are all the sounds you can produce, watching his face closely as he looks down to where he buries his hand into you.

But he’s going too slow, and your hips take charge, riding his hand to match his thrusts so he can reach deeper. Mingyu fails to fight back a moan, as if he’s enjoying it more than you, and you speed up in search for more.

“Stop.” Mingyu’s other hand tilts your chin up so he can look you in the eyes.

“W-Why?” Despite the question, you obey his demand even if your insides pulse around his fingers, begging either of you to move.

“Slow down, take the time to feel everything. It’ll feel better.”

Arguing with him is out of the question, so when he stiffens his hand under you, preparing it for you to follow his instructions, you do so.

“Like this?” You sway your hips forward slowly, feeling his fingers open you up while Mingyu relishes in the way your gummy walls embrace him with so much need.

“That’s right, baby.” Deeper than anyone has ever reached with a few fingers, Mingyu knows exactly when to curl his to have you clamping around him, your body trembling against him but still doing what he told you to. “You're doing so well.”

Everything he says and does sends you closer and closer to the edge, fighting back moans and screams that scratch their way out of you, but you don’t want it to be over, so you delay the orgasm as much as possible.

As if he was a mind reader, Mingyu realizes your intentions and takes charge once again, plunging his fingers into you with the exact force and precision that causes a new wave of arousal to drip into his hand.

“Don’t fight it. Let go.”

“But– I don’t– fuck!” It’s like your body only follows his command, the white light shining from the stars getting brighter and brighter until it’s all you can see, and you're cumming on his fingers in no time.

Your chest heaves as if you just ran a marathon, catching your breath after he removes his digits from you and leaves you empty.

“Okay, I believe you now.” Your cold damp underwear sticks to your core uncomfortably when you wrap your legs around him, surprised you hadn’t before, and you welcome the feel of his hard length against you.

“Now?” Mingyu chokes in the middle of his chuckle at the contact but doesn’t do anything to get your tempting body away.

“Yeah, but partially.” It’s obvious you still want more, but Mingyu feels he’s done. He made you feel good like you asked and like he wanted. He wouldn’t dare to push things further without your confirmation. “You could give me a little more proof.”

“I– I shouldn’t, I mean, you don’t owe me anything. We don’t have to if–”

“I want it,” you quickly interrupt his ramble, “I need you.” Even through the layers of fabric and the rush of wind prickling at your skin, the twitch of his hard reaches your core. “I know you want it too.”

“You’re a bad influence.” Mingyu sighs, throwing his head back with a smirk.

“You’re the one who approached me claiming to have magic powers that tell you exactly how to make me cum! Now deal with the consequences of your actions!”

“I did not say that.” He very clearly implied it, but he likes the way your face quirks when he plays your little game.

“Hmm, but I think you did.” His hands holding you don’t dare travel down even for a tease. “Do I have to beg? Cause I will.” Your semi-true joke draws an unexpected laugh out of him, and you can only bat your eyelashes at him, waiting for a response.

You’re still sensitive from the earth-shattering orgasm at his hand, and your whole body twitches as you grind lightly against him with a purpose, earning a delicious low groan and a tighter grip in his arms.

“I don’t have any protection.” His voice hitches at your every move, pressing against him with no care in the world. “I wasn’t exactly planning this.”

“I had a boyfriend for over two years, Mingyu… I’m on the pill.” His mention doesn't set either of you back. “If we both want to, then what's the issue?”

Yeah, what’s the issue? That's exactly what Mingyu wonders as he flawlessly unzips his pants the perfect amount to let his hard spring out of his fabric prison. That's what he wonders when your hand wraps around him, taking in his girth before moving up and down slowly. That question is barely a murmur in the wind as you place the tip of his cock at your entrance, locking eyes with him as you sink on him.

Your warm walls mold to his shape, every new inch he reaches wrapping around him as if to keep him there forever. How could he stay away from you?

Instead of waiting to adjust to him, you do your best to start a pace of shallow thrusts. Mingyu's hands gripping you help you find a rhythm, your hips colliding when they meet.

The sighs leaving his parted lips call to you, begging you to connect them. It’s the only thing you haven’t done, and they’re so close, so tempting, only one hand on his neck and a little push, and they’d be on yours. But he stiffens at your touch, and you know he’s resisting.

“Please.” You whisper, but you don’t move further whilst he’s deciding.

It takes Mingyu about two seconds to comply. And you’re so close. It’s barely a change.

The sweetness of his kiss melts you into him, unsurprisingly tender but shockingly full of a kind of lust that he wasn’t showing before, one that only translates in the way he resumes his thrusts inside you in sync with his lips gliding over yours.

A moan escapes you into his mouth as he finds the deepest parts of you, hitting every spot inside you as easily as taking a breath. His grip on your ass gets tighter the louder your sounds become, his eager kiss not drowning them anymore.

Mingyu stimulates every single one of your senses, rendering you incapable of focusing on solely one. His hands traveling everywhere on your body wishing he could feel your bare skin, his sweet scent mixing with the filthiness of your affair, the heated sounds he allows to escape reaching your ears, compelling your walls to contract around him, your tongues molding together in an intent to feel even more of him. He’s everywhere, and you don’t want it to ever stop.

It’s the stutter of his hips that makes everything around you blurry. His hand drifts between your hot bodies, digits circling your clit deliberately and you stop the kiss to gasp in his mouth. Every nerve on your body works towards the goal, the one Mingyu knew precisely how to get you there at light speed.

You don’t fight it this time. Resisting it would mean delaying the strong desire to feel him cum inside you.

Hiding your face on the crook of his neck, your arms wrap around Mingyu’s shoulders as you grind hard against him in the quest to trigger his orgasm along with yours. Something tells you he’s close, maybe the way he embraces you closer to him, if that’s even possible, or how his breathing becomes more rushed against your ear.

It’s like nothing you’ve ever felt before. A lightning bolt, your second orgasm strikes over you unforeseeably hard, so much so that it sets Mingyu’s off just after.

Heavy breathing is all there is to hear for a few seconds, both of you trying to get your bodies back to normal after he slips out of you.

“I definitely believe you now.” As Mingyu's bringing you down in between the trees where you left your bag earlier, you chuckle as you joke to fill the calm silence.

“That's good to hear.” He sounds almost… sad?

Mingyu doesn't know what to do now. As soon as you decide you're done with him, he's going to have to erase every memory of him from your mind, and that's killing him inside.

“Can I ask you something?” But, instead of just grabbing your things and leaving, you sit on the damp grass, patting the spot beside you signaling him to sit down too.

“Whatever you want.” He smiles as he sits by your side, body still as warm as when he hugged you to lift you up in the air, but avoids your eyes doing so.

“Do you investigate people to know what they like?” How did he know exactly what you liked was your real question, and maybe Mingyu got that, but he doesn't show it.

He chuckles, thinking of a way to make what he does more understandable. “Not like that. I can't really explain it, but I just know. When I find someone and see them day to day, it's like I can feel it.”

“So, did you know me? Before tonight?” From your perspective, it can't be a coincidence that he happened to run into you minutes after you broke up with your boyfriend. He must've known. He must've come down to help you.

“Yes,” hesitant, he answers, “I watched over you from time to time.” He can't lie to you. Not because an hour from now, you won't remember this conversation, but because he feels he can trust you.

“Did you pair me together with…” 

“Someone before me did.” Mingyu chuckles, remembering the first time he saw you. 

You were next in line at the coffee shop. He was following the cashier that day, seeing how he was during an ordinary day and trying to gain a sense of his likes and dislikes. When your time to pay came, he saw it, a special light coming from that man's eyes. He liked you. And Mingyu understood him immediately. 

The cash slipped out of your hand and fell onto the ground, and you smiled at him as you said sorry and told him to keep the change. But then, Mingyu saw your order, two coffees instead of one. And then he saw you stroll to the table where he instantly knew your boyfriend was the one waiting for you.

“And are you going to find me someone else?”

The world stops, freezing at your words. Mingyu hadn’t realized what it meant for a couple to break up under his watch. He didn't put you together, but it was his job to mend your hearts by sending a new someone your way. He'll have to watch over you for real this time, see you living your life day to day, without remembering him.

“I should… it’s my job.” He repeats like a mantra in his head. It's his job.

“Right, your job.” Disappointed, you stare at him, waiting for the tiniest sign of regret. “But do you want to?” 

“I– it's my duty.” It's his job. It's his job. It's his job. It's his job.

“If it wasn’t, would you?”

If it wasn't, he wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. Instead of parading around his gift for you to be impressed, he would've won you over the right way, taking you out on dates and making you blush with trashy pick-up lines. He would've met your friends and let them interrogate him as he took your hand under the table.

But that's just a fantasy. And he can't move on with life thinking of all the what ifs.

His silence is all you need to know the answer.

“I get it.” You simply reply as you look up to the sky.

Mingyu wants to apologize. He wants to tell you that it will be hell for him to see you every day and try to find someone who isn't him for you. But he can't.

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, but the led lights of a car rushing past the road take him back to reality. To where he shouldn’t be involved with a human.

“You should go. It’s late, I’m sure people must be looking for you.” Mingyu reminds you that tonight was only a moment out of the ordinary.

But you're not ready to leave, to give up your memories of him.

How can one night impact your life this much? You didn’t know Mingyu until a few hours ago, you had a good life, no problems except that one. And now, you can’t even fathom living a life in which you don’t know who he is. A life in which you don’t know there’s someone out there that looks after you and knows you better than anyone else.

Mingyu sees your doubt and hesitates to get close to you, now that you have stood up and walked away from him. But he takes a step in your direction, standing in front of you and placing his hands on the side of your face, forcing you to look at him.

“I don’t want to forget tonight.” Your watery eyes shine under the moonlight, a sight Mingyu will never be able to forget. “I don’t want to forget you.”

“I’m sorry.” He really is. “I can’t risk them finding out.”

“Please, I won’t tell anyone.” A single teardrop drifts down your cheek, dampening Mingyu’s thumb as he wipes it off, so gently he might be afraid of hurting you even more. “You don’t have to do this.”

“I- I don’t know.” He shouldn’t be so easily swayed by you.

“It’s just me. No one else is going to know. No one will find out.”

It's just me. Mingyu's head doesn't stop repeating those words. It's just you. You, who shared your troubles with him even if he was a stranger. You, who trusted him enough to be held in his arms in the air. You, who he knows, would never break a promise.

Mingyu never breaks the rules of his job. But, on the longest night of his life, he chose to be selfish for once. And he didn’t regret one single moment.

this might be one of the worst ending i ever wrote i'm sorry

[fullofwoe5321]

The most Addams-coded scene

I want to show something for you guys

I was rewatching some Weyler scenes (Yes, because I miss them) and this scene have so many interpretations, but one I love the most is how Addams -coded is:

I love how Tyler is giving us a full acting scene here, but at the same time, it seems legit. He was really afraid Wednesday would cut him off once for all. But for me this is ALSO the Hyde taking over the situation to keep it under his control.

But he didn't see that coming... me neither... lol

He couldn't even fake his reaction. It was genuine. RIGHT HERE AND THEN, I knew he was the one to match her freak. And he knew she was the love of his life.

His eyes remind me the eyes of adoration Gomez always had when he looked at Morticia on the movies - exactly when she is saying the most preposterous thing and he is turned-on (I'll be back on this topic in a minute!) like: Oh Tish!

And I haven't finished it yet... lol

As her last resort, she tried to show him he had no remorse for her actions and to see how he would react after finding out about her murderous tendencies. She probably thought he would go out and leave her there and their story would end. She has this kind of behaviour: she pulls and pushes people all the time. It's a defense mechanism because she is afraid of being rejected, doesn't believe anyone could love and accept her -except her family- and she needs to be in control. She does the same thing in their date.

BUT lol he was as kooky - sorry SPOOKY- as her!

LOOK AT THIS FACE! THIS MAN IS SMITTEN! He is finally admitting he liked her because she is as insane as him!

AND she liked what she's seen… The confession scene is not only about Tyler but it is also about Wednesday soften for another person who truly seemed to accept her. She decided to enjoy this feeling of being seen, wanted and accepted. Why not? AND Tyler shares the same feeling.

gifs by @tastethesetears

This is one of the biggest evidences how Tyler fits in the Addamses way of life, but haters are going to say I'm creating a fanfic. Well, I'm not. Because right after that scene, what does Wednesday do? SHE DANCES. SHE DANCES FOR HIM! She never breaks eye contact with him during the dancing and he is mesmerized by her. And there was a reference from the tango which Morticia and Gomez danced.

gif by @victoria-pedrettis

And I dare to say that this dance was a seduction one, or a mating dance as I've already read. And Tyler got turned-on as he should. He accepted her kooky way of flirting and he liked. He understood he was accepted by her even after this confession. She got even more interested after his confession.

He is biting his nails watching her dancing. Do you guys really think he was not aroused? He is 16! Minutes before, they have showed Enid cleaning Lucas' trousers because she spillt a drink on his lap. REALLY?

And let me tell you guys a little bit more: I'm 100% sure Wednesday and Tyler would have kissed if it was not for Eugene's attack. The scene, the lights, their eyes, "let's get physical!... And I would have loved! They would date a little bit or maybe she would find out sooner he was the Hyde. But it would have been fun!

The Addams is about acceptance. They teach us to accept people's difference and love for who they are with dark humour. Their priority is family and support. More than a romantic envision and ship for Tyler and Wednesday, they both could find in their prior stories a way to connect with each other: two fucked-up kids who were both judged and criticized by their past actions as they were loners. As we don't know why Tyler destroyed Xavier's mural (we assumed he was a bully and hated outcasts due to his anger issues, the fact Nevermore was the one propping up his hometown and father's neglect), Wednesday defended her brother from bullies.

Anyway, this confession scene is where the show hinted Wednesday and Tyler definitely accepted each other. A person who harbors a dangerous darker tendencies aligns with the Addams Family Universe. Tyler being the Hyde was not a coincidence.

[sorrowful-wallflower]

Disappear - @into-the-jeggyverse - 874 words

James grabbed another can of spray paint, shaking it before outlining the next part of his drawing. Regulus was kneeling by the corner of the wall, finishing his own piece of artwork. It had been a while since James had done this, and he'd forgotten how much he enjoyed it. That was until he heard the sirens. He groaned and finished up the last bit before throwing the can in his bag and throwing it over his shoulder. When he turned around to tell Regulus it was time to go, he was nowhere to be seen.

"Fucking traitor," James muttered before he took off around the corner.

He slowed down when he was sure he was far enough away from the scene to claim that he didn't know anything. That was until he rounded the corner and ran smack dab into a police officer, who threw him against the wall.

"Not so fast," they remarked, pinning James with his arms behind his back. "What do we have here?"

The officer took the bag and handed it off to their partner. James struggled against the first officer's hold, looking around for an escape route. He couldn't go back to jail. The second officer dug in the bag, pulling out can after can of spray paint.

"That's not mine," James said desperately. "Some guy gave it to me and ran away."

"I'm sure they did," the second officer said sarcastically. "Just like I'm sure there won't be any new 'art' down the street by the park either. Right?"

"How would I know?" James scoffed. "I was just walking home before my mother killed me for being late... again," he replied with a slight waver to his voice. "Please, you have to let me go."

"That's not going to happen," the first officer said coldly before slapping the cuffs around James' wrists and dragging him back to the squad car, setting him inside. "We got a report of someone matching your description vandalising the local church."

"Why would I do that? I'm not stupid," he pleaded, sitting up in the back of the car.

It took James a second to realise the second officer was Hispanic, and he prayed that he was raised somewhat the same as himself.

"Seriously, you have to let me go," James begged, tears started to run down his cheeks. "Have you ever been on the wrong side of a Hispanic mother while she's holding a chancla? She'll beat me to death if I'm not home for dinner."

As soon as he mentioned his mother again, the officer holding his bag flinched slightly, and James had to school his features quickly before they noticed. The two officers looked at each other for a few seconds, seemingly having a silent conversation.

"Please."

The second officer sighed. "What's your name?"

"Diego. Diego Ramierz," James lied easily.

If he were closer to his hometown, he wouldn't have been able to lie, but he wasn't, and these officers had never seen him before. If he gave his real name though, he would have been fucked.

"I'll let you off with a warning this time, but if I catch you again, you're gonna take a ride to the station," the Hispanic officer said, gesturing for James to scoot out of the car and uncuffing him. "Understand?"

"Yes, sir," James replied, rubbing his wrists. "Thank you."

He stepped onto the sidewalk and watched as the officers got back in their car and drove away, with his bag, but he wasn't going to say anything about that.

"Pinche idiotas," James muttered as he headed in the opposite direction, wiping the tears off his cheeks.

It took him longer than he would have wanted to get back to his flat, if it could even be called that. It was more like an abandoned building that he and his boyfriend had been squatting in until they figured out something better. James refused to go back to his foster parents' house. He shoved the door open hard, slamming it against the wall before he hollered into the space.

"Regulus! You fucking asshole!"

"Oh, thank god," Regulus replied when he came around the corner. "I thought you were a goner."

"Yeah, no thanks to you." James scoffed. "You fucking disappeared on me."

"Sorry. I couldn't risk getting caught. They would have sent me back to my parents."

"A little warning would have been nice, you know." James threw his hands up in the air in frustration. "But no, I got caught instead. I was this close to going back to jail."

"Your fingers are touching."

"I know!"

James glared at him for a second before trudging over to the dirty, broken couch and plopping down, dust flying everywhere. James coughed as he fanned it away from him.

"How'd you get away then?" Regulus asked curiously, joining him on the couch.

James' lips quirked up slightly. "I told them my mother would kill me if I were late for dinner."

Regulus furrowed his brows, tilting his head to the side.

"Isn't your mum dead?"

"What's your point?" James asked with a shrug.

Regulus shook his head in amusement. "I swear, you could probably get away with murder if you wanted to."

"Who says I haven't?"

[yeostars]

When ATEEZ members get jealous as ur bfs, reaction post !

Hongjoong:

• tbh, he gets jealous quite often, even at the smallest stuff but most of the time he manages to conceal it well.

• He's immediately besides you and whoever that guy is that you're enjoying talking to so much, my man would literally burn holes with his eyes whenever he's jealous. seriously, he gives such an intense stare to the person he perceives as a threat, although he trusts you a lot, he tends to get a little too protective of you...... cuz he loves you so much, ofcourse. He clings his arm with yours, sending a signal that you're ready to go.

•"Who even was that?" He asks, annoyance oozing in this voice as you turn back to him. Or "I didn't know you were that close...." would be his classic statement whenever a guy he doesn't know seems to get a little too close to you.

Seonghwa:

• Seonghwa tends to get a lot more clingy than usual whenever he's jealous. Not just clingy, but he'll purposely call you as "honey" "sweetheart" "babe" repeatedly in front of whoever made him jealous and protective of you in the first place.

• Something like "babe, we're getting late, let's go." he says, while entering the scene, emphasizing on the word babe a lil too much.

• As he says this, he'll eye up the guy in front of you up and down, almost in a judging manner, and effortlessly snakes an arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to him, as if sending him a signal that you're his and his only. After you're done conversing with that guy, he'll literally jump on you, asking "what did he say to you?" demanding all details of your convo with him.

Yunho

• Another one who gets jealous more often than he wants to. If y'all remember, yunho himself admitted once that he "gets jealous too much/often" soo it's safe to say that he would be quite possessive of his s/o.

• When he notices that you're taking too much time conversing with whoever is your "new company", he crosses his arms, sighing as he watches you both, and matches towards your direction with a blank expression and sour smile (which looks kinda scary tbh)

• And then, voilà, you're getting dragged impossibly closer to him by the waist. His arm slides under your waist sideways, his grip firm and tight and that has goosebumps forming all over your skin. He doesn't even make eye contact with the guy in front of you, practically avoids him and once you're both alone, he says "do you talk to him often?" sensing that you do and he hates even the thought of you being close to him.

Yeosang

• Yeosang isn't really the jealous type. That's just how he is, and even if the slightest pang of jealousy hits him he conceals it so well that you've never seen his possessive side before.

• One day, you literally asked him out of the blue "you've never gotten jealous before, seeing me with some other guy, have you?" and yeosang laughs, literally LAUGHS because that was so random. but you sounded serious so he had to stop laughing and give you a reply. "what, you want me to get jealous? possessive? wouldn't that be annoying though?" he replied, staring at you. "why would it be? it shows how much you want me. i would actually love it if you act a bit possessive of me sometimes." you say, pouting, and yeosang just kisses your cheek, saying "alright, I'll try."

• And when the day comes when you ACTUALLY witness him being jealous for once, you're satisfied with his reaction. Yeosang noticed that you were gone away for quite a long time and went looking for you, only to find you talking to a guy he didn't know and you seeming to enjoy talking with him. Interwining his fingers with yours in a heartbeat, he asks "Hope I'm not interrupting? Y/n, love, let's go now, it's getting late." And when you're both alone, you pull his cheeks playfully, praising him and begging him to act more jealous like this cuz that's HOT of him (did I lie)

San

• He's literally both cute and scary when he actually gets jealous. He tries his best to not get jealous of the smallest stuff but sometimes he cannot hide his jealousy.

• He's the type to become restless when you aren't around. Literally staring at you both while sending death glares to the guy in front of you, his feet tapping impossibly faster on the floor.

• When he decides that it's his last straw when he notices the guy trying to get closer to you, he's there besides you in no time, smiling sweetly at you, not even acknowledging that guy. Placing a soft, quick kiss on your cheek, he brings your hand to his, suggesting you to check out those other food stalls with him.

Mingi

• He's DRAMATIC when he's jealous. When the princess itself gets jealous? It's over for you. You have to give him hundred times more kisses, cuddle him the entire night and hold his hand till eternity, all until he feels better ;D

• He'll barge in when you and the unknown guy are having a convo, introducing himself as your boyfriend. He'll literally tug on your arm sleeves, a small cute pout forming on his face and he stays like that until you exchange your goodbyes with that guy, finally alone with him.

• Rarely, he gives you silent treatment when he gets jealous. And you're always able to tell that he's jealous from the way he gets too quite rather than being talkative as usual. He denies it when you ask him about it, but immediately dissolves into a fit of giggles and a precious smile when you kiss him firmly on the lips and murmur I love you all over again. Really, that's all it takes for mingi to feel assured and happy.

Wooyoung

• 100 % scary when he's jealous. A little dramatic, might I add. He gets jealous quite often and doesn't shy away from showing that he's possessive of you.

• His last straw would be when you're flashing your incredible eye smile to that guy in front of you while talking to him, a smile that's reserved for wooyoung only. He appears being you in no time, back hugging you and wraps his arms around your waist tightly, placing his chin on your shoulder, sending death glares to the guy in front of you, not letting go of you unless that guy finally decides to leave.

• "What was so funny that you were laughing at literally every word he said?" Wooyoung asked, bitterly, lowering his eyes. "Don't worry, babe, he wasn't as funny as you. No one makes me laugh like you do, that was just a....fake laugh." You assured him, pulling his cheek playfully. He shrugs if off and makes sure to cling to you like a koala the entire day.

Jongho

• Something tells me that jongho hates admitting that he's feeling jealous. He does get jealous sometimes but it's mostly when something he senses someone else getting physically closer to you. He usually doesn't have a problem when you're just having a conversation with someone.

• So, when someone does try to get physically closer to you, he's there besides you immediately, snaking an arm around your shoulder. otherwise, he doesn't approach the person you're talking to since he doesn't want to come off as clingy to you.

• "I don't get a good vibe from him. He was trying to get close to you all the time." He admits, not out of jealousy, rather protectiveness. "If he was, i wouldn't let him. Don't worry babe, he was just an acquaintance." You assure him, kissing him lightly on the lips, causing jongho's cheeks to heat up as he hums, satisfied.

[humdrummoloch]

Here's an exercise to apply to your story: pick any scene and build up its stakes.

Most scenes should have at least a tiny bit of tension. Not every scene has to drip with artificial melodrama, but if the audience doesn't see a good reason to care about what's happening, they probably won't.

Using this 3-part exercise I just made up, just with a few quick bullet lists, you can dissect that scene's stakes and make them mean something.

PART 1: THE TELLING

Take a moment to focus on the stakes in your scene. What's the worst that could happen? List them.

Here's the rule: if a stake is obvious, don't count it.

Wrong: "If he kills me, I die."

Wrong: "If the villain fails to get the artefact, he fails."

Wrong: "If I lose this match, I lose."

Sure, yeah. But what ELSE?

Correct: "If I die, there'll be no one to protect my family."

Correct: "If I don't get this magical artefact before the hero stops me, my plans to take over the world will be sabotaged."

Correct: "If I lose this match, I'll never make it to the championships and show the world what I can do."

The stronger these stakes are, the better (within reason). "So-and-so might die" isn't a compelling (as it could be) narrative stake even in stories where people do die.

Even in low-stakes stories, the characters care about those low stakes. If it's important to them that they impress that client or get that job, tell us WHY they care. Is it their lifelong dream, or the promise they made to their dying mother, or the job that'll take them away from a horrible living situation? Will failure embarrass them in front of their crush?

PART 2: THE SHOWING

Now you know what could go bad, let the audience feel it. Just take things that matter and tweak them so that they're tangible.

"If I don't join the fight, my friend might die!" -> Show us an enemy raising a sword about to strike their friend down if the character doesn't rush in to save them NOW.

"If I drop out, I'll be a bad daughter!" -> Show us her parents bragging about their kid's academic performance and telling her they're happy they have a good kid with a bright future instead of some "no-good delinquent."

"If I don't pay by next week the bank's gonna take our house!" -> Show us the character begging for just a few more days, show their reaction to overhearing someone talking about buying the house from the bank to bulldoze the property. Show what the house means to them and how they made it their home.

PART 3: THE HAPPENING

Remember, a bullet seems a whole lot deadlier when it doesn't literally miss every time. But it would be strange if every scifi involved the whole planet blowing up, right? Or if the main characters all died? So, you have to show us you're not kidding by employing a secret third thing. Here's the trick to this: divide up the stakes into pieces and make one of the pieces happen.

If the protag's team is in actual danger, just one of them can die. Maybe even someone "essential" -- the climax will be boosted from the team overcoming this setback, the story becoming more clutch and unpredictable to the audience.

A marriage on the rocks? Show that their previously happy kid is suddenly hiding things from them and failing in school.

The city in danger? Show us buildings being knocked over.

Hell, the protag themselves in danger? They've got a leg they might not be using.

If a stake can't be split down like this, it might be better to have the bulldozers show up at the house during the climax. Maybe even let the house fall.

After this exercise, your scene should now feel a whole lot more weighty, whether it's a job application or a final battle to the death. Again, not every scene needs tension and it can go too far and become silly, but I hope this exercise helps you the way it helps me.

[bedheaded-league]

I just binged all of Fawx & Stallion in like 2 days and it has an absolute chokehold on my brain so now I need to talk about all of the things I fucking loved about it because I'm super super duper normal about this show. Major spoilers ahead.

Like everyone else, I've replayed the "very sincerely yours" scene like 5 times already and it just doesn't get any less devastating/beautiful/cathartic. This is THE best post-Reichenbach reunion scene I have EVER seen in a Holmes adaptation, HANDS DOWN. Obviously the Reichenbach story is one of the most popular bits of the Holmes canon to retell, because it's just so crazy and ripe for raw emotion. But frequently I feel like the reunion scenes are either infuriating and completely emotionally unsatisfying (I'm looking at you, BBC) or beautiful and tender but still leaving us with the feeling that we're not getting the whole story (like with canon and Granada). This was beautiful, tender, harsh, painful, devastating, honest, and SO FUCKING SATISFYING. Jesus christ, I feel like this is the emotional catharsis Holmes fans have been waiting for since 1893.

I don't think I've ever heard an actor put SO MUCH into a single word as that fucking "Yours." Is it possible to tell someone that they're the love of your life and nothing in the world matters more to you than being with them in just one single syllable? Apparently! Because Rob Kauzlaric fucking did it! What the fuck!

I've never really had an answer for who my favorite Watson was before (I love Burke and Hardwicke, but I just have this very specific idea of Watson in my head that no actor has ever matched) but now I know who it is and it's Tom fucking Crowley. Fucking flawless performance. This Watson struck the perfect balance between being the kindest person you'll ever meet and also being sort of a bitch! He's long-suffering, he's funny, he's a chaotic bisexual who's a bit of a slut but has also been pining after the same man for ten years, he's The Guy Of All Time. His characterization was perfect and Tom Crowley gave him a perfect voice.

And GOD this interpretation of Holmes is so good. He's silly and endlessly annoying. He's a burnt out former gifted kid who's tied his entire self-worth to this cool thing he can do and how much he can impress everybody and so if he ever stops for one second he'll lose everyone he cares about. What a perfect character arc for him. He's desperately in love with someone who he thinks will never love him back because he can't imagine a reason for anyone to love him that isn't about the service he can provide to others. Out of all the characters, he has some of the most heartwrenching line deliveries. "It's too late." "Because he wrote about it." "No, no, I'll GET IT." "Very sincerely yours." FUCK

Listening to Filched Fork over again is so heartbreaking. Watson not mentioning the fork because he thinks it's just much less interesting compared to all of the dazzling things that Holmes does and also because he wants to keep the sweetest parts of Holmes to himself because those are private, but Holmes thinking that it means that the moment wasn't important *to him.* Watson literally begging Holmes how to do it (the writing, their relationship) correctly, desperately trying to reach out to the man he loves so that they can understand each other, and Holmes immediately closing himself off instead. Meanwhile we can see the hints of his impending burnout already happening here, which of course ties into his panic about Watson moving on without him if he can't be amazing all the time.

The way I absolutely screamed when I heard the thunk of the fork dropping on the table out of Fitzy's pocket. I mean I already figured out that it was Holmes (I feel like there were enough hints that we were meant to figure it out) but the reveal was SO GOOD.

Not only adapting the "This article is shit" "Oh really? I wrote it." scene but having HOLMES' LOVE CONFESSION DIRECTLY REFERENCE BACK TO IT??? THE MOMENT THEY FIRST BECAME FRIENDS???? TEN YEARS LATER??? AFTER SPENDING TEN YEARS KEEPING UP THE SAME INSIDE JOKE THAT ORIGINATED FROM THAT ONE CONVERSATION??? BECAUSE THAT DUMB JOKE WAS THE FIRST TIME HOLMES MADE WATSON LAUGH??? AND WATSON HADN'T LAUGHED IN MONTHS BECAUSE HE WAS TOO DEPRESSED FROM THE WAR??? I'M EATING THE WALLS

Holmes' nervous ADHD rambling my beloved

Holmes: "Hi, I'm Sherlock Holmes." James: "Nope."

James' monologue during the improv scene was so tender and heartbreaking and beautiful. It works so perfectly for James and Archie but also so perfectly for Holmes and Watson? God the fucking CHARACTER FOILS, FUCK.

Just in general the concept of the 224 gang being a foil to the 221 boys both in that Fawx/Stallion are bad at crime solving and Holmes/Watson are good at it AND that Holmes and Watson are in a fucked up situationship for a decade because they can't communicate but meanwhile James and Archie are in a healthy relationship because they actually talk about their feelings.

"Do you know how frustrating it is to love someone who doesn’t love themselves the way you love them? It’s like being told you're an idiot for breathing air." FUCK

James and Archie confronting the same problem that Holmes and Watson did, and in the end they didn't actually figure out the solution, but they love each other and they're in it together and that's all that matters.

Watson reading the book quotes while Holmes realizes that Watson's in love with him I'M SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS

"Well, the person saying that might have been biased." "Oh, is that what we're calling it now?" Archie passive aggressive queen

"Because he wrote about it" AAUUGGGHHH

Archie's impassioned speech about the difference between cooking and baking is so valid

"I really want to get rescued right now!" "YES CHEEEEFFF!!!" can you hear that sound in the background that's me losing my fucking mind

Holmes: Your relationship is doomed and love isn't real. James: Actually I think you're just stupid.

Archie saw Holmes stand there frozen solid making the shocked pikachu face as he realizes that the man he's been in love with for 10 years has loved him back the whole time and then Archie immediately came up with an elaborate lie to manipulate this dramatic gay dumbass into actually going and talking to the man in question. What an icon.

Please tell me we're gonna get more Iphy in the next season because I'm in love with her and she's my wife now