#I'll never be able to recover. ANON SHOW YOURSELF.

[andaniellight]

i feel the need to say this because it's been bothering me the whole day /pos

i started watching black out because of this post of yours https://www.tumblr.com/andaniellight/761205004460851200/do-you-understand-the-violence-it-took-to-become?source=share it's very moving, but i'm still in episode 9 and then while taking a break i read your personal analysis? on sangcheol's character. somehow it led me to check on the actor's social media. on instagram go jun has been intervewed for his sangcheol role which kind of mindblowing because, first it's by forbes https://www.instagram.com/p/DAQPySlzD3D/?igsh=MTF6cDlyODdyYWprdw==

and second go jun said something along the line about "this character is gentle to the vulnerable" and i just !!!! idk how to explain it i know it's not even close to luck or miracle but i feel like i'm fated by you - the way you're fated to be into this series. gentleness that's everything. just woven by the concept of gentleness. i think i'm going to lose my mind do you get me???

FIRST OF. WHAT.

Oh my God........ Anon... This could possibly be the most insane DM I've ever received because WDYM YOU'RE FATED BY ME THE WAY I'M FATED TO BE INTO THIS SERIES??? THROUGH THE CONCEPT OF GENTLENESS?????? WDYM.

ANON, WDYM........

[kimpossibly]

𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐖𝐄𝐃𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐃𝐀𝐘 𝐀𝐃𝐃𝐀𝐌𝐒' 𝐍𝐎𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐄 𝐒/𝐎 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐀 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐊 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐘𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐎𝐔𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓

REQUEST: hi can you do wednesday x gn normie reader who has a dark and mysterious past — anon

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK ME SO LONG, my musical performances literally ended at like 10pm Sunday night and I had basically no free time for several weeks before that. Thank you so much for your patience with me and I really hope you enjoy this. I got your message describing the past and I tried to include as much detail as I could while still keeping this chapter-length. But thank you for responding, it really helped me get an idea of where this fic was going! Once again, I'm so so sorry it took me this long to get this one out, but I hope you enjoy! Much love <3

PAIRING: wednesday addams x gn!normie!reader WARNINGS: mentions of past trauma involving science experiments, child soldiers

YOU HAD SPENT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE KEEPING SECRETS. Your sudden enrollment at Nevermore had given you a chance to start over with a clean slate, to leave your past behind you and move ahead.

Who knew that it would all come apart at the hands of a teenage sleuth?

Wednesday Addams was the last person you expected to be dating in your time at school. When she walked into the room, people shivered — literally. She invoked a slew of whispers and dirty looks wherever she went, and she didn't seem to mind it. In fact, she almost enjoyed it. She was an enigma in braids and dark clothing.

And yet, somehow, you were one of the only ones who could figure her out.

Dating Wednesday now meant that the whispers followed both of you. When you walked in together, everyone looked to see the poor soul that had cuffed themselves to Nevermore's most feared student.

Wednesday could tolerate whispers about her, but never about you. Those were the people she drew red X's over in the yearbook. Those were the people who woke up with spiders crawling all over their beds and snakes slithering around their backpacks. Wednesday was loyal — deadly so.

But, of course, you could handle yourself. She knew that, and, for the most part, she respected it. Still, Wednesday was always going to have a little overprotective streak in her. So when she noticed your face drain of all color as you looked down at your phone, she was already planning how to exact her revenge on whoever made you look that terrified.

You tried to recover quickly, swallowing hard and shoving your phone back in your pocket. "I'll be right back, okay?" you said, giving Wednesday the most calm smile you could muster.

She didn't buy it. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you replied, "I just...I have some homework to catch up on."

"I could help you."

"No!" you replied a little too quickly. "No, but thank you. I'll see you later, okay?"

Without another word, you got up from the table, walking across the courtyard and into the winding hallways of Nevermore. Wednesday watched you go with a confused frown hardening on her face. All of a sudden, Thing crawled over her shoulder and onto the table, tapping out a question: "What was that all about?"

"Not sure," Wednesday replied stoically. "I want you to follow them."

Thing hesitated. "That seems like a breach of privacy."

"Since when was your moral code so rigid?" Wednesday said. "And it's not for nefarious purposes. I'm worried about them. Tell anyone about that and I'll cut off a finger."

After some well-placed curse words, Thing scuttled off after Y/n, dodging those that walked the opposite way. He found her quickly, heading not to her dorm but to Weems' office, where a sharp knock on the door gave her entrance. Thing was able to scramble inside before the door shut, giving him the opportunity to hide behind a rather large house plant.

By now, Y/n was distraught. At the sight of you, Weems frowned deeply. "Y/n, what's the matter?"

You said nothing but showed the principal your phone. "Somebody knows," was all you said to explain.

Weems' face contorted with worry for a moment, but quickly recovered. "Y/n, this is likely nothing. A mean-spirited prank at the most. I can assure you that no one —"

She was cut off as your phone dinged again. You lifted it up to look at it, and once again your entire face went pale and panicked. You glanced at Weems again, and then slowly turned the phone around to show her what the next text said.

Now Weems face went from contained to terrified. She looked back up at you, eyes wide. "How is this possible?"

You just shook your head and shrugged, not trusting yourself to speak without either yelling or crying. Weems stood up from her chair, pacing behind her desk. "We will handle this. From now on, you will not leave campus for any reason — no exceptions. If any more texts arrive, you will come directly to me. Tell no one about this. Do you understand?"

You nodded, your face hardening like you were once trained to do.

And Thing, who had yet to know anything that was really going on, shuddered in the corner.

Thing returned to yours and Wednesday's dorm to give a full report — one that left Wednesday even more confused than before. "So they're hiding something," Wednesday mused. "I'm surprised. Normally I can smell a buried secret from miles away. Y/n's kept me off their trail for this long."

"Maybe you should just talk to them?" Thing replied.

"I doubt I'll get anything. Based on the way they acted yesterday, I doubt I'll even get a response. We have to be strategic about this."

Wednesday turned away to her desk and Thing raced to stay in her eye line. "Keep in mind that they're your partner. If you treat them as suspect, you might scare them off."

Before Wednesday could retaliate, the door to the dorm room opened and Y/n walked in. They murmured some sort of greeting to Wednesday and sat down on their bed, immediately setting to work on their homework. It was odd behavior to say the least.

Thing gave a little motion to prod Wednesday on before slipping out of sight. Wednesday glared at Thing before turning back, acting nonchalant. "Y/n, would you like to come with me to Weathervane on Saturday?" Wednesday asked.

You froze, Weems' orders playing in the back of your mind. "Sorry, I can't, I have a test on Monday that I have to study for."

"Perfect. We can study together. At the Weathervane." she pressed forward.

"I don't think I could really focus there," you said, before quickly adding, "sorry."

Wednesday said nothing but turned away, revising her plan of attack. No, not attack. Wednesday would never attack you. She was worried about you, of course. That's why she was doing this.

Wednesday was a sleuth. She always had been. She hadn't been a girlfriend up until recently. Maybe that was why she wanted to treat you like a suspect. She had to change her angle.

So she got up, moving across the dorm and sitting beside you on your bed. You looked up, eyebrows raising. Wednesday's tone of voice stayed as stoic and monotone as ever, but her approach to the situation changed dramatically. "I know something is wrong. Thing followed you to Weems' office and heard your conversation — you can be mad at me later. What's going on, Y/n? I want to help."

You listened to all of this, a sense of dread rising up your spine. You have been trained, in every respect, to keep your true self a secret from everyone. No exceptions. But you couldn't quite see a way out of this.

You sighed, taking your phone and unlocking it in one swift motion. Without leaving a second for regret to sink in, you held out your phone and Wednesday saw a single text in all caps: I KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY ARE.

Wednesday read it and looked back to you. "I don't understand."

"I hardly understand it myself," you admitted. "But there's some things about me you don't know, Wednesday."

She just frowned, waiting for an explanation you were unwilling to give. But Wednesday was persistent.

"I didn't come to Nevermore because I wanted to. I didn't have a choice."

And so you told her. Everything. How the serum you had been administered your whole life had turned you into a superhuman soldier — the perfect soldier. How you were trained from infancy to be the greatest, most efficient fighting machine the world had ever seen. How your narrow escape had nearly left you dying. And last of all you told her how Weems had saved your life.

Wednesday listened to this all with a straight face. Her features betrayed no emotion as you recounted the story. It made you nervous as you searched her stoic face for some trace of a reaction, some indicator as to how she'd treat you after hearing all of this. Most of all you feared that she'd flee with the truth.

But Wednesday wasn't one to run.

"Whoever is after you knows your secret. Will they come after you?" she asked finally, breaking the tense silence.

"I can only assume so," you replied, anxious.

Wednesday's gaze was fixed on the floor as she gave the slightest shake of her head. "Then it's up to us to stop them before they can do any damage."

She got up then, walking across the room to look for something — most likely something sharp. You got up too, confused. "Wednesday, what are you doing?" you asked. "This is my battle, you don't have to—"

"Clearly they already know where you are. If they have your phone number, they can track you in a heartbeat. I'd say it's best if we leave as soon as we can."

You scoffed. "And go where, exactly?"

"Anywhere but here."

"This is the only place I'm safe, Wednesday."

"Not anymore."

She continued to rummage around her things while you stayed stock-still in the center of the room, unsure of how to proceed. Then, frustrated, you moved forward, catching Wednesday by the arm before she could grab any more weapons. "Quit being practical for one second and talk to me. I'm sorry I didn't tell you this earlier, but why are you jumping to help me now? This is my problem to deal with. Aren't you shocked? Or angry?"

"I'm aghast, can't you tell?" Wednesday said monotonously, her expressing rigid as ever. "I'll admit that this isn't how I was planning to spend my weekend, but anyone who threatens you threatens me. And I don't take well to threats."

Wednesday glanced over at Thing, who was already ready to leave at a moments notice. "This is our problem now. So would you like to keep talking about our feelings or would you like to start saving your life?"

Your heart warmed at Wednesday's words. A smile crept onto your face as you looked at her, and suddenly you leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek. And even though Wednesday often looked as though she'd stepped straight out of a black and white movie, you could've sworn you saw a little flush of pink in her cheeks at your gesture. She gave a little nod, taking one of your hands in hers.

"I'll take that as a yes."

[positivity-butterfly]

Advice?

How to recover without therapy because I can't afford that currently :(

How to recover without therapy? That is a bit of a tough question but I'll do my best to answer this!

This is what I'm doing/have been doing. I've struggled with all sorts of mental health issues, trauma, ED, etc and I never had anyone to help and I've never had therapy (not discouraging therapy, I'm trying to get some, I'm just not able to get it rn, same as Anon). So I learned how to recover on my own, without any help and I won't lie to you, it's hard as fuck. It is relentless, scary, and difficult. And my advice may not even apply to you, worst case scenario. This is easier to say than to do and you are so strong and so brave to even think of doing this and I'm so glad you're trying to get better. And to be clear!!! This is mainly to support you until you CAN get professional help. This is more so you can hold out until therapy/professional help is an option and I am no professional. This is simply based off my own experience, my friend’s experiences, and research I’ve done. 

1. Set up precautions!

Best thing to do is to set up precautions. No matter what you struggle with, it is ALWAYS good to have precautions set up for when you have an episode of sorts, any triggering moments, an absolutely terrible day. What I do is a self-care box. Fill it with things that make you happy. Your favorite books, safe food, tea, blankets, headphones, plushies, etc. Anything that helps and comforts you, throw it in there and keep this box in an accessible place.I keep mine by my bed in my room. Another option is to have a support group, maybe a Discord server that is willing to listen and is pro-recovery. This can be a lifesaver and make sure it's a server you feel close to and you know they'll listen to you whenever.

2. Get rid of bad habits

I know this sounds simple, or I'm making it sound too simple, I promise it's hard. But it's worth it and with time, you can get rid of self-destructive habits. If you struggle with self-harm or any form of it, slowly try to get rid of that habit. Easier said than done once again but it's worth a go. Slowly narrow it down. If you cut or anything, take it slow, slowly replace it with another habit. You can't take away a bad habit and not replace it, otherwise just another bad habit will replace it or it'll come right back to you. For example, I used to cut. What I did was every time I wanted to cut, I'd stop. I'd try to breath and I'd meditate. I'd meditate and think of nothing. Slowly let my mind go and let my worries simmer until the urge went away. This may sound silly but it can help, and if meditation's not your thing, replace it with anything you like. Preferably something that distracts you MENTALLY. Such as puzzles, a show that requires your attention, etc. But this is subjective, so replace it with whatever you’d like, just try to slowly tone down self-destructive habits until you aren’t reliant on them anymore.

3. Don't rush yourself.

This is easily the most important. Don't tell yourself "I can't do this" or "I'm taking too long". Recovery is subjective, personal, and it's different for everyone. It can take months, years to fully recover and you have to remember that's OKAY! The process of true recovery is important and the amount of time it takes doesn't matter. Because recovery is good and there is no time-limit for self-love and healing.

4. Teach yourself self-love.

Aaand this is easily the hardest one. This is the opposite of every self-destructive mental disorder basically ever. And this makes it hard when your brain happens to not like itself. What I mean by this is not narcissism, I don't mean buying yourself expensive things. What I mean by learn to love yourself, is learn what is good for you. Do the hard things that you know are good for you. If you are feeling awful and down, make the hard choice to tell someone. If you are sitting in your room, rotting away out of self-deprecation, make the hard choice to go outside and be honest to yourself about your struggles. Don't downplay them because you are valid and so are the things you experience. Loving yourself is realizing what's good for you and what you deserve despite what your mind tells you. As silly as this sound. Positive affirmations can help with this. I don't mean "Oh I love myself and I'll just say this 10 times a day". I mean set up a routine. Maybe you're an early bird, when you wake up. Maybe your positive affirmations are "It's okay to feel sad and it's okay to not be okay. My family/friends love me anyways and I should too.". Every day. Because if you do this, your mindset will slowly change. Your mindset is everything, it is key to helping yourself until you CAN get therapy or CAN get someone to listen to you.

5. Tell someone/Get a support group 

This is also hard and maybe you're not in a position where you CAN tell someone. Well, if you have a friend who doesn't know, try to tell them. It's better to have someone know rather than nobody. And if you can't tell someone, if you truly are not able to tell someone. I'll recommend this again, Discord servers. It's easier said than done to find one that is pro-recovery, but you can find one. It’s a good way to recover, have people there for you, all the while being unknown and anon if you’re scared of judgement from family/friends in real life. Be careful for the weirdos, keep basic internet rules in mind, but these servers can be helpful, I'm in one right now and they help me out so much.

6. Expect relapse

This is hard. Having all your progress, you've been recovering, and then you fall back into old habits. But this is okay. This doesn't ruin your progress. It doesn't make you weak or lesser than anyone else who is recovering. Maybe you won't relapse and if that's the case, good for you! But just be prepared for it and be ready to have to try and get back on the road to recovery. Relapsing is hard since it’s easier to relapse than to get better and go back to recovery. And no matter how long you relapse, how bad your relapse is, your recovery is still valid and you didn’t ruin any of your progress. 

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Sorry I know this was hella long but recovery is super hard and I wanted to offer every bit of advice that has helped me and others around me. Recovery is hard, subjective, personal, freeing, everything. I'm so proud of you for making the right choice and I hope you get to a point where you are able to love and care for yourself without self-doubt. I hope you have a wonderful day and I hope recovery goes well for you. I love you even if I don't know you and I wish you the best! I am in your corner and I am rooting you on as much as I can!!! <3

[eppysboys]

I only just read more about the Ringo and Barbara thing and found out Barbara was also initiating violence when she was intoxicated and could have potentially seriously injured or worse. This isn't to say she's a bad person or "worse" than Ringo. It's just interesting how that will never come up in talk about abuse. No one really wants to talk about it.

Hi anon. I have read about that as well. I think you're correct in saying that no one really wants to talk about abuse, as in have a whole discussion about the ins and outs of the marriage, it's easier to use shorthand. And honestly, most people in fandoms across the board are only able to filter their perceptions of these issues through what they've plucked from their online experience. Once again, fandom is not the place anyone should be using as a educational source for abuse.

I do think, though, it's still important to remember that Ringo is the one with the more 'cuddly' image. He is actively benefitting from it. Barbara was not (as far as I know, and based on what her daughter has said) an alcoholic before she met Ringo. She does not have the level of fame that he does, she isn't going to be pointed at and called a hypocrite.

I do get the sense that addiction and violence were tied together for Ringo and Barbara. I'm mainly taking cues from their offspring, they're all very honest about the whole experience, and have expressed how much better their relationships are with their parents, and how proud they are for recovering and making the effort they hadn't been able to when they were younger. They're not shy about talking about how it was 'before'.

! This all doesn't erase personal responsibility, but I do think it's important to acknowledge the recovery process and how important it was for them. I think many people can benefit from hearing about it. !

A worthy read is their joint foreword to the book Getting Sober and Loving It, which I'll post under the cut. I really admire their strength and honesty about their experience, and am really touched by them recognising how far they've come (what they were doing before that was wrong and unhealthy vs how much clearer and happier and heathier they are now).

If you read anything from it, I feel like the following sentence really makes it clear how far they've come:

"In our everyday lives, we are aware of our real commitment to each other without having to do all the same things together at the same time which is how it was before, in a state of codependency, which is very common in addiction."

Anyway, main takeaway to the actual point you were making: There's many reasons people will point to Ringo and only him, and they are fair. It's important to talk about, just as it is important to talk about addiction with care and respect and honesty.

As we have both been rescued from addiction by attendance at a self-help treatment centre, we’re very happy to write a foreword to this book which has been written in conjunction with SHARP (Self Help Addiction Recovery Programme).

SHARP was started by Dr Brian Wells who has himself been in treatment for addiction to alcohol as well as other substances. And his story is in this book along with many others who have got help, got sober and are now enjoying their lives in recovery, one day at a time.

Getting Sober …and Loving It! Shows how to get that recovery and keep it. Addiction is a disease, not a moral failing, and the only way to deal with it is first to admit you have it and then decide to go after recovery. The great advantage in accepting there is a problem is that, after the surrender, you can grow in awareness and have a far, far better life.

It isn’t all doom and gloom and ginger ale. Our own experience of treatment is that you have to be sick to want recovery. You are in a fog which starts to lift after you put down the drink or drug. At first you are on a pink cloud. Sober at last! Then you have to start work on yourself, you can close the chapter and start a new one. You will hear in treatment that ‘it’s a selfish programme’ and you think ‘I’m not going to get involved in a selfish programme’, but you realise that you are simply being asked to take care of yourself and let other people look after themselves. It’s self-help, in treatment.

You can work out your resentments and find out where all this started, when (and maybe why) you had your first drink. You will see in the stories in this book that we all have a lot in common. You can identify with other people and realise that you are not alone — there is a place where you can get help, and there are people who are happy to share with you their own experience, strength and hope.

In our own case, we needed something but like addiction to come into our lives to knock us down and make us realise that a total change was necessary. We needed something to bring us to our knees, and make us do something about ourselves.

Others in the book will share the pain of addiction with you and how they gained through acknowledging it. All the pain and wreckage of our past is now serving us well, standing us in good stead. There really is no gain without pain. Like a lot of truth, it sounds trite but it is clear to see. It’s hard for us to understand how people who haven’t gone through that pain manage their lives because in recovery programmes you find you can manage your life, one day at a time. When things get really difficult you can think ‘It will pass today.’ If something happens that we really don’t like, the bottom line is we won’t feel like this forever.

You find you don’t have to live with fear and denial any longer. You can face up to your problems and learn acceptance. Accept yourself and other people.

One wonderful thing for us in treatment was that at the outset we were treated like everybody else. Like Rich and Barb. There was no Ringo and Miss Bach. We were right in there with everyone else and it was so great not to be singled out. Simple things become a pleasure again. When we go out now we have such a fabulous time, and we make plans and keep them. As we go past bars we remember that in the old days the bar is as far as we would have gone, at nine in the morning and right through the day.

When we go on holidays now, we don’t hide away. We used to go on long plane journeys, rent huge villas, stock up the bars, hide and get deranged. Now we don’t have to go through all of that. We’re free to have normal, happy family holidays with no compulsions to feed. In our everyday lives, we are aware of our real commitment to each other without having to do all the same things together at the same time which is how it was before, in a state of codependency, which is very common in addiction.

Nothing that we experience in recovery will come as a surprise to other recovering addicts. As we’ve said, the strength of getting sober and loving it lies in the power to identify with others; no matter where they come from or what they’ve experienced, if they’re compulsive users of whatever, there is so much in common it’s amazing. It’s just great to be able to see so clearly.

It’s true that most people aren’t substance-addicts. We were at our friends’ wedding in Fiji. It started at 11am and we were still hanging around at five that night. We were laughing and chatting with another member of a fellowship of recovering addicts, and we were just so surprised that no-one had tried to pull someone else’s wife, no-one had taken off his sarong or danced on the table. These people were social drinkers.

Maybe you are just a social drinker, like the majority of people. If so, fine. But if you’re not, or if somebody you love is having problems… then this book is for you.

[sukirichi]

iris and suna deserve each other, when i say that i mean it in the worst way possible. it's hard to imagine a happy ending for suna and y/n together bc he just keeps hurting her in a way that nearly seems unforgivable. idk what i want as far as him but i know as long as y/n is able to recover and find happiness, even if it's only within herself, then i'll be content. it's normal to feel upset with her but that shows how much we care for her and her feelings. im by her side through this all. iris and suna? they can eat nails <3

anon, that’s so wholesome, i want the best for her too <33 i hope YN never settles for less and decides to be selfish for once, because it is totally okay to be selfish when it comes to cutting off people who hurt you and just putting yourself first! this ask was so sweet hehe, i’m sure YN would be very happy to hear this.

(not me lowkey getting sad now that i realize YN doesn’t really have any friends aside from rintaro and she probably has no one to talk to when it comes to her marital issues)

[witchie-writings]

Halo || Ship Ask!

this ship ask is for @theweirdoloveseggs !!!

i'll post what they wrote here, since they sent it through chat :D

I am new to Tumblr so I am very sorry if this is the wrong place to ask for the ship thing. I saw someone do a thing for ships with themselves and thought it would be fun to do it too. I'm a halo kinda person and love it to death so I jumped to the opportunity. I am a good height of 5'6, and I have severe trust issues and abandonment issues and often have horrible nightmares. I have blue-grey eyes and a relatively dark sense of humor and morbid curiosity. I'm often secretive and quiet, prefering not to talk just because. I'm more strong then most other people.

so with this in mind, I ship you with...

Catherine-B320 (also known as Kat)!

This might be a surprise, seeing as we don't see many people talking about Kat that much on Tumblr or in the Halo fandom in general, but after some thought, I think you and the technician of Noble would get along quietly nicely!

The two of you getting together is a long and arduous process to be sure, seeing as you have both abandonment and trust issues, but Kat can be quite patient. She blames herself endlessly for the loss of Thom, so in a way, you both can help get over your traumas and improve off of them.

Honestly? I can see Kat bouncing off of your dark humor; she's usually the type to put out dry humor, but I definitely imagine she has a darker side that she doesn't usually show. She'll let you see it for the first time, and from there, you both would be able to get along with it.

Despite Kat being the type to hack into system to discover files that ONI would rather leave secret, she never pushes harder than you want. The technician understands that trauma is something that can both affect you physically and mentally, and not everyone comes out of it unscathed. She allows your secrets to remain that way, only when you want to speak, she'll listen with undivided attention.

Kat doesn't mind your morbid curiosity, not in the slightest. It takes a lot to mentally affect her, so she often decides to ponder with you about death and the such. She'll allow your thoughts to wonder all over the place, but she'll step in if she thinks you might potentially harm yourself for it.

As far as she's concern, you can be as quiet as you like. She's had to deal with Noble Six, who talked very rarely, so she's learned to pick up the small motions instead of relying on words. If anyone tries to make you talk, Kat will forcibly tell them to knock it off, it's your choice to speak, not theirs.

That can get violent rather quickly, so hope you don't mind blood!

If you ever need her to be a representative for you, she's happy to be as such. Kat will speak for you when you don't want to, so you don't have to worry about people getting on your ass about it.

For the stuff Kat sees on a daily basis, she shares your pain of suffering from nightmares. For her, they mostly center around Thom and how she blames herself constantly for his death, no matter what anyone says about it being his own fault for engaging the enemy without back up.

Yours might be worse than hers, but the pain is all the same. I don't know if you're bothered by the nightmares (I used to suffer from horrible nightmares too, anon, so I can relate), but if you are, Kat will get out of her bunk to provide whatever comfort she can provide.

Honestly though its mostly just a mix of dry and dark humor to get a laugh out of you.

I hope you don't get bored of Kat going on her tech rambles, because she most definitely has an unintentional habit to ramble about technology and the such. If you're ever interested, she'll teach you a few things so you're able to hack ONI's mainframe to get some dirt on them, or view files that you're not supposed to.

After the battle of Reach (let's just say in this AU Noble Team lives and the Covenant loses), she'll let you keep some of the things she recovers from the battlefield, like a needler or an energy dagger. Don't do anything to yourself though, because she still cares about you deeply, so no harming yourself.

You're a tough cookie, so Kat tends to admire that about you. Through all the pain and suffering, you still emerge victorious, and that's an accomplishment in it's own right.

[ashyblondwaves]

Well, I had a prompt in my inbox for number 6 on the smutty one liners list but I accidentally deleted it somehow. Anyway, here's that filled prompt for you, Anon! Sorry I deleted your ask. Also, I am so sorry it took me so long to fill another prompt. Depression got me good and I spent a lot of time just not doing anything. But I'm back now!

Title: Reconcile

Sentence: "My tongue still remembers the way you taste."

Summary: Civilian!Wanda, Superhero!Vision after a whirlwind romance, Vision disappears only to turn up six months later. Wanda confronts him, demanding to know why he left and as they say, one thing leads to another.

Rating: Explicit

He sat alone at the bar, his true self hidden behind a tuft of blond hair and human features that nobody would ever question while he nursed a beer that he'd never drink. He casually picked at the label with his head down as though he were hiding from something.

Wanda noticed him right away. It was almost as if she could feel him there.

It'd been six months since he disappeared. Up and left without so much as a note to explain why. It was the last thing she would've expected from him. Until then he was so attentive, so giving. They spent months together. He told her his secret. And then he was gone.

Wanda sat in a booth across from Natasha, nervously twirling her pinky ring.

"Should I go say something?" she asked, taking a swig of her beer.

"You should go say something," Natasha answered with a nod. "Want me to come with you?"

"No, I'll handle it," Wanda said. She scooted out of the booth, head held high and walked over to the bar where Vision sat.

"Funny seeing you here," Wanda said. She didn't yell, but she said it loud enough to be heard over the music that was playing. It was then that she noticed Tony Stark standing in front of the jukebox picking out music.

Vision's back stiffened at the sound of her voice, his shoulders curling up tightly. Slowly, he turned around to look at Wanda, eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Wanda," he said, almost longingly.

"What? Did Stark break up with Pepper again?" Wanda seethed, stepping right up to Vision's face. "You're here to be his wingman while he picks someone up for the night?"

Vision didn't meet her eyes, which told her all she needed to know.

"Wanda," Vision started, reaching out for her arm. Wanda jerked it away, refusing to let him touch her. "I can explain."

"Then you'd better start explaining," Wanda warned, getting loud.

"I will!" Vision yelled back. "If you give me a chance to!"

Tony was there in an instant, stepping between the two former lovers.

"Hey!" he warned, pointing out that everyone was looking at them. "Take it outside, you're making a scene."

Wanda stormed away first, making her way to the back exit of the bar. She flung the door open angrily and stepped out into the cold night air. Vision wasn't far behind, catching the door before it came to a violent close in his face.

"Wanda!" Vision yelled, making his way to the corner where Wanda was hidden. "I left to protect you. If anyone knew about you, you'd be in danger."

"I am capable of protecting myself!" Wanda retorted, a blast of cold wind cutting through her body. She brought her arms around to hug herself. "I don't need you to decide what I need protection from. I don't care what you do for a living. You're the world's superhero. Not mine."

Vision's eyes strayed from Wanda, the hurt in Wanda's words was evident in his reaction. He shifted his weight from one leg to the other and recovered.

"I couldn't bear the idea of losing you," he started.

"Well you did anyway!" Wanda snapped back. "So what was the point?"

Vision sighed and scrubbed his hand down his face. "I knew you were protected, even if it meant we couldn't be together."

"Well, need I remind you again that I don't need protection?" Wanda said, hugging herself tighter. "You should know that."

Vision noticed Wanda shivering against the cold air. He shrugged out of his jacket and wrapped it around her shoulders before he continued.

"I was wrong, okay?" Vision pleaded. "Just... let me make it up to you." He took a step closer, reaching out a hand to touch Wanda's coat covered shoulder. "Will you let me try?"

Wanda's jaw tightened. She wanted to deny him. Tell him to leave her alone. But she couldn't. She'd never be able to.

"What did you have in mind?" She finally asked, taking a step closer.

Vision was quick to close the space between them and meet Wanda's lips and Wanda knew immediately that she was a goner. Any semblance of the seething anger disappeared. Feeling his lips against hers again just felt... right. She deepened the kiss, opening her mouth to allow Vision's tongue in briefly before he pulled away.

"Come by my place tonight," Wanda said breathlessly. "Make it up to me there."

Vision nodded and before he could say anything, Wanda was handing his jacket back to him and disappeared inside to finish her night out.

Back in the bar, Natasha was eager to ask Wanda what happened, but Wanda kept quiet, just telling her friend that she took care of it before slipping back into the booth and picking her beer up to finish it.

She tried to stay in the moment with Natasha. Shooting the shit and enjoying a girl's night out, but her eyes kept wandering to Vision at the bar. Sitting with the same beer he'd started with as Tony prattled on about something. The quicker she could end the night out, the better. She had to get ready for Vision's visit.

****

It was just after one thirty when Wanda's doorbell rang. She cinched the tie on her silk robe tight around her waist and quickly walked to the door, pulling it open to see Vision standing there with his hands in his pockets.

His eyes raked over her body, following her as she stepped aside to let him in. "You wore my favorite?"

Wanda smiled at him, pulling the collar of the robe aside to show the thin strap of her lingerie underneath. "And you smell like a bar..."

"I apologize," Vision started, cupping Wanda's jaw in his hands. "I came straight here and-"

"Shh," Wanda interrupted, pressing a finger to Vision's lips. "Just kiss me, already."

Vision was happy to oblige, leaning forward and pressing his lips to Wanda's hungrily as Wanda's hands came up to grab handfuls of Vision's shirt. She pulled him in the direction of the bedroom, only stopping when they'd reached the door.

"I want you as yourself," Wanda muttered breathlessly. "Not in this disguise."

With a nod, Vision's body glowed yellow and his disguise phased away, making way for the red and silver hues of skin and vibranium that Wanda was used to.

Their lips met again, hastily and ardently as Wanda's hands began to work on the buttons at the front of Vision's shirt. She pushed the fabric down his shoulders and ran her hands across the wide expanse of his chest.

Vision returned the favor, working dutifully on the knotted robe Wanda wore. Finally, as he broke the kiss, he undid the knot and opened the robe to reveal Vision's favorite piece of clothing in Wanda's wardrobe: her silk cami. It was simple. Blue with white lace trim, but it accented every curve of Wanda's body so perfectly, Vision had a hard time keeping his eyes off of her.

"You're stunning," Vision murmured. He brought his hands around to Wanda's ass, gently kneading the round cheeks in his palms as he guided her toward the bed.

Wanda didn't have to be told twice. She broke away, practically jumping into the middle of her bed. She settled between her pillows, hiking a leg up just enough to give Vision a peek.

Vision crawled into the bed, pants still on and positioned himself at Wanda's feet. He started there, peppering kisses on the tops of her feet and up her ankle and calf. He worked diligently, making sure not to miss an inch of Wanda's skin on his way up her leg, stopping only to change positions when he reached her thigh. He moved between her legs, lying flat on his stomach and began to kiss her inner thighs, giving them both equal attention.

As he inched closer to her core, Wanda couldn't help but squirm. She was so eager to feel his mouth on her again after months of being without it.

"My tongue still remembers the way you taste," Vision whispered, eliciting a moan from Wanda. His lips tickled her thigh with each word he uttered as he made his way to her pussy.

He started with his fingers, gently massaging between Wanda's wet folds to find her clit and following it up with the tip of his tongue. He swirled it around the swollen nerve, listening for her moans to let him know to continue.

The second time around he used his whole tongue, going back and forth from lapping at Wanda's wetness and teasing her clit and finally on the third time around he brought his fingers back into the mix. He gently inserted two into Wanda's pussy and slowly pumped them in and out as his mouth continued to work on her clit.

"Don't stop," Wanda moaned, setting her hands on either side of Vision's head to ensure he wouldn't move away. He continued his movements unyieldingly until he felt Wanda's legs begin to shake and she was unraveling underneath him.

Vision settled his head on Wanda's thigh and looked up at her, smiling proudly.

"Don't think that gets you out of the doghouse," Wanda warned, running her hand down the back of Vision's head. "I'm still upset with you."

"Good thing I'm not done yet," Vision replied. He rose to his knees, unbuckling his belt as Wanda looked on in anticipation. To her delight he worked swiftly and quietly, undoing his button and pulling the zipper of his pants down and soon, the pants came down, his cock springing free as he sighed in relief.

While Vision took the rest of his clothes off, Wanda rolled over to her bedside table and grabbed a condom, unwrapping the foil and getting it ready for Vision.

"May I?" She asked, condom in hand.

"It would be my pleasure," Vision smiled, crawling up Wanda's body slowly, teasingly until she could reach him.

She positioned the condom at the tip of Vision's cock and rolled it down his length just as slowly and teasingly as he crawled up her body, adding in a few pumps of her hand on his shaft for greater impact.

With the condom on, they were ready to continue and Vision was eager to resume.

"I can't wait to feel you again," Vision muttered, positioning his cock at Wanda's entrance. With nimble movements, he pushed into her completely, filling her with his girth. They moaned in tandem, both in relief and pleasure.

Vision began to move, snapping his hips in small thrusts to get the feel of being buried in Wanda's pussy again after so many months of only being able to dream about it. Soon, his movements became more fluid, pulling out almost completely and then rapidly pushing himself back in, their skin slapping with the friction of their bodies meeting and the weight of Vision's hips pressing against Wanda's clit with each thrust bringing her closer and closer to another orgasm.

Vision pushed the silk cami he loved so much up, exposing Wanda's breasts. He bent down and took a nipple into his mouth, sucking on the bud and teasing it with his tongue.

Wanda wrapped her legs around Vision's waist, coaxing him deeper inside of her as her body began to shake again and her walls were closing around Vision's cock as her orgasm rushed through her body.

"Cum for me, Vision," Wanda said encouragingly, wrapping her legs even tighter around Vision's hips. His thrusts soon became shorter and his body was frozen as his own orgasm flooded his systems, overwhelming all processing as he pumped into the condom and moaned Wanda's name with each ripple of climax that overtook his body.

Vision pulled his now soft cock out and tied off the condom, pitching it into the garbage can next to Wanda's bed and crawled up to Wanda, wrapping her in his arms. Sleep overtook them both quickly, not another word spoken.

They woke with the sun the next morning, naked bodies wrapped around each other, a burning ache for more nagging at them both.

Wanda pressed her ass back against Vision's hard cock, reveling in the way it slipped between her cheeks each time she ground back.

"I don't have any protection," Vision said, reaching around to play with Wanda's hard nipple as their hips worked together below.

"That's fine," Wanda said lazily. "Just pull out, okay?"

Vision nodded, reaching his free hand down to guide his cock to Wanda's pussy. He slid in easily, her wetness evident immediately.

"I'm sorry I left you like that," Vision said, thrusting slowly. "I just wanted to protect you. Forgive me?"

"Yes," Wanda muttered, a moan slipping from her lips with the words. "But don't ever leave me again."

Vision bit back a moan himself and slammed into her. "Don't worry," he growled. "I'm not going anywhere again."

[imagine-korea]

Mysterious - Kim Jongin

Here you are, anon! Sorry that it's a little late but we hope you enjoy this!

- Admin Saturn

Pairing: Kim Jongin/Kai x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Angst if you squint

Warning(s): None

"Again?" Asked your best friend, Jongin. You met him when you were about 9, which was, quite ironically, 9 years ago. He knew the best and the worst side of you. Whether it was the amount of times you pissed your pants or simply how many heartbreaks you had gone through which made you wish that you wouldn't have, he knew it all. Heck, he even knew the things that you didn't know about yourself. He was like your right hand, as you would describe him. You wouldn't be able to do anything without him.

You looked at him and then back at the heavenly scented baby pink envelope in your hand that was previously in your stuffed locker. "Looks like it." You spoke after sighing.

You had been getting letters, roses and that sweet and cutsy stuff that secret admirers give for a few months and, no matter how much you tried to find out who was behind all of this, you couldn't. Judging from the fact that the letters never failed to brighten up your mood whenever you were having a bad day, it was pretty clear that it was someone close to you. Then again, you wouldn't describe yourself as a social person and the fact that you have occasional social anxiety only supports that fact.

'Jongin. But it can't be.' His name always came and went in and out of your mind whenever you tried to crack the code. He was the only person who was close enough to you who would know if you're having a bad day or not. But, he never showed and signs of affection. From what it looked like, he always treated you like he has been, since day one. Like a best friend. It sort of pains you, thinking that there's a huge possibility that he probably does think of you only as a friend.

"This guy's definitely gonna stick around for a long time." He chuckled. You furrowed your brows and looked at him. "What makes you say that?" Just then, you saw a glint of nervousness in his eyes that webt away just as it came. "I mean, he's been sending you this... stuff every day for, like, 3 or 4 months." He replied defensively, or at least it seemed like it. You ignored the voice in the back of your head telling you that it most definitely has something to do with Jongin.

Both of you walked to the cafeteria and headed for your usual spot, except this time, he didn't go round the table to sit on the opposite side. He pulled out a chair next to you and sat down. You looked at him with semi-wide eyes and asked, "What the heck happened to you today?" He looked up from his lunch and simply shrugged.

The rest of the time in college passed smoothly of you would overlook the fact that Jongin had been acting unusually manly towards you.

It was now time for both of you to head back to your homes which were, like in every cliche fan fiction, right next to each other. The only difference was that you were hellbent on the thought that Jongin didn't feel attracted to you. What you didn't know was that this thought of yours only made it more cliche.

On your way back, Jongin saw an ice cream stall and told you to wait next to the corner of an old antique shop that was closed for today. You did as he told but you were starting to get impatient since he never took a lot of time usually. While you were looking around, you felt a firm pair of hand slide uncomfortably around your waist. In shock, you turned around to see who it was. It was a man with an unfamiliar face and seemingly, he was drunk. After noticing that no one was around, he slammed you into the wall. "What's a pretty girl like you you doing here?" He said seductively. You felt scared but you had too much pride to back down and show him your fear. In reply to his vulgur comment, you kneed his groin. Oddly, he recovered quickly and got mad. "Now, don't be a little bitch. I'll be done with you in no time." You felt even more scared and your expression completely gave it away which made the man smirk. You were too shocked to let out a scream.

Just then, like a miracle or an angel coming down from Heaven only to help you, Jongin's fist collided with man's face which made him peel himself off of you. He retaliated by giving Jongin a punch, too. "You asshole!" Jongin screamed as soon as he recovered from that blow. The second you knew,he was beating up the man, getting only a few hits in his face but hard enough to give his lip a cut.

After the incredibly heated fight, or you could name it 'Jongin's punching session', you helped your bruised friend walk to your home.

As soon as you stepped in your house, you ordered him to sit on the couch while you get the first aid kit.

"What the hell were you thinking?! I had it under control, you dweeb." You said while dabbing some alcohol on his lips with a cotton ball. "Your expression said otherwise." He rolled his eyes. "Shut up." You murmured and purposely pressed the cotton ball on his lips. He hissed, "What was that for?!" You shrugged as a reply.

The next few minutes were spent in silence as you cleaned up the excess blood on his face. You were so immersed into cleaning up his wounds that you didn't notice that he had been staring at you. You looked up and saw something in his eyes that caught you like a deer in headlights. It was love and adoration. Pure love and adoration. And it was all for you. It was like his eyes held the key to your happiness.

Both of you started closing and brushed your lips on each other's oh, so softly. The butterflies that were set free in both of your stomaches were another similarity with the cliche fan fictions.

When you both pulled away, you had another battle of intense stares. One which ended up in the confession of him being your secret admirer and cuddles and popcorn for the late night movie.

♥ Thanks for reading ♥

Masterlist

[kozukenkitten]

It's completely fine tho, sweetie! I know you tried helping me, and I really appreciate that. But brooooo at least you know French, or rather somewhat, and one of my new friends knows Russian. I so wanna learn a new language!!! But there's no one to teach me :/ And about my test! I got them all delayed. I talked to the principal, and I'll be giving my tests later woo hoo! Also, baking is just an adorable hobby! Unfortunately I've never been able to get into cooking for some reason ;-; – 🍰

I'm glad to hear you were able to get them delayed! That's such a big help! It'll give you time to study and to deal with the stuff going on in your life (I remember you mentioning having to move, so I'm betting y'all are still transitioning through and recovering from that process, so having some time to deal with that without worrying about those tests is probably really helpful).

And yeah, if I could help, I would. 😅 I was a tutor for both English Composition 1&2 and the various Intro to Costume/Costume Construction courses in college, and was the resident mom-friend, so people I knew always came to me for help when they missed a class that we shared to borrow my notes, or when they didn't understand something about the assignments. So helping people out with homework or test prep is nothing new to me, and I really enjoy it! (That's part of why I eventually want to go back and get my masters in costume design & production, so I can teach for a living while still working in the trade I love. 🥰)

If you're wanting to learn a new language, it might be worth picking up an app like Duolingo, just to start familiarizing yourself with the structure of sentences in the language, start learning vocabulary, and learning some of the verbs and their conjugated forms! It's not great for really going in depth enough to be fluent, but it's a good start, and it's something that's free that you can do without having to hunt down a teacher. They also have chat rooms where you can practice the languages with other people, which can be helpful as a practical application of the written language. The practice modules can get a bit repetitive, but if you can get past that, it's not too bad. There are also a surprising number of people on tumblr who are willing to help you practice their language by sending them asks. (I think I saw a someone from China helping someone from the US with their mandarin practice a day or two ago by letting them practice their written skills by chatting with them over anon?) People are generally happy to help you practice as long as you're respectful and show that you're really trying!

Baking and cooking are a lot of fun, but they're the kind of hobby you have to learn a lot of techniques and skills by actually doing them yourself, so sometimes it can be frustrating before it gets fun if you try to learn something too advanced too soon. Even if you follow a recipe just right, sometimes it won't turn out right because your technique was a little off or something. (I may or may not have told my fiancé that he's never allowed to ask me to make any dish which requires the melting of cheese into a sauce, because I've attempted to make homemade mac n cheese or other cheese-sauce based dishes from scratch with no extra tricks, ie the addition of milk or heavy cream, at his request, and every time, I just suck at it so badly that I've wasted a lot of cheese and other ingredients because the final product was inedible because of the consistency being so off. I have cried over many a failed dish, usually involving cheese being melted into a sauce. 😅) It's hard to get the hang of, and it can be frustrating, but when you actually do make something edible and delicious on your own, it's totally worth the effort.

Baking is it's own beast altogether, and there's a lot of specificity and technique to it, but it's also super rewarding once you get past the learning curve! And the good thing about baking is, you end up with a tasty sugary treat at the end of it! (My sweet tooth is massive, so most of my cooking and baking tends to skew in that direction.)

Between these hobbies, it makes it a lot easier not to want to eat out all the time, which is a huge money saver, given I live in the U.S., where I was raised with the incredibly unhealthy habit of eating fast food at least once almost daily for the better part of 12 years. (Which is a large part of why I started teaching myself to cook as a broke college student on a scholarship, haha) So I guess you could say it's kind of a hobby I acquired out of necessity for my health and financial safety, but has turned into a really fun, enjoyable thing now that I'm a bit better off than I was when I started.

[raedas]

Theme music plays.

Carmen sneaks through the museum.

Chase: Freeze! Right there!

The video pauses, revealing that we have been watching a recording.

Chase: Now rewind. Stop. Zoom in on her face. That is not Carmen Sandiego.

The culprit has a similar silhouette, but wears an eye patch and has straight white hair.

Chief: She calls herself the Duchess. A.C.M.E. had no record of her existence... until late last night when she sashayed out of Amsterdam's Rijksmuseum packing a painting valued at over 30 million euro.

Chase: 30 million euro for that?

Julia: "Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" is one of Johannes Vermeer's most important earlier works. SEe the hallmark of his style? The way he paints natural light makes his subject look so realistic.

Chase: Ms. Argent, need I remind you that you're the only one who cares about such dull facts?

Chief: Excellent eye, Agent Argent. Attention to detail is the very cornerstone of A.C.M.E. surveillance.

Chase: Uh, um, precisely why we should further analyze the particulars of this, uh, uh... hmm.

Julia: Swipe here.

Chief: I highly suggest acquainting yourself with our CrimeNet technology, Agent Devineaux. You're not with Interpol anymore. Your first mission as agents of A.C.M.E. will be to recover that painting and ascertain whether or not this Duchess is working for V.I.LE.

Chase: Or, whether she is an accomplice to Carmen Sandiego.

Carmen: Blue isn't really my color, but I have to admit... I've never stolen anything so luminous.

She's looking at the painting stolen by "the Duchess."

Player: Enjoy it while you can, Red. You have a whole hour before you need to get back in character.

Carmen: Right. Let's get the crew up to speed. Zack, Ivy!

Zack, wearing the eye patch: Avast, me mateys! Arr!

Ivy, wearing the white-haired wig: Is this a good look for me?

Carmen: Those aren't toys, people. They're my disguise. Now pay attention. Here's what we know: Player's decryption of the V.I.L.E. hard drive revealed details of an intricate ongoing operation. V.I.L.E. operatives have been quietly stealing paintings by the artist Vermeer from museums all over the world and replacing the originals with amazingly accurate forgeries.

Ivy: What? Why would they bother leaving fakes behind?

Carmen: To ensure museum security would never realize the originals had been stolen to begin with, which would allow the entirety of Vermeer's collected works to slowly and steadily be amassed by V.I.L.E. mastermind Countess Cleo.

Zack: What's the big whoop about these paintings anyway? No cars, no clowns, no dogs playing poker?

Ivy: Yeah, and she's reading. Snore.

Player: You aren't the only ones who thought that. But after some research, I began to see things in a different light. The Netherlands isn't only known for its tulips, windmills, and wooden shoes. It's famous for its painters from the Dutch Golden Age of the 1600's, Vermeer among them.

Carmen: But the ordinary people of his portraits weren't the stars of the show. That would be the mind-boggling way Vermeer captured natural light with his paintbrush. Only 34 confirmed paintings by the maestro exist. Not a whole lot for a major artist. That makes each one an extremely rare and valuable treasure.

Player: Which is why we freaked when we learned there was only one last Vermeer left for Cleo to steal, from the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam, capital of the Netherlands.

Carmen: So I had to act fast and got to it first and made my escape through one of Amsterdam's 165 canals, masquerading as the Duchess. "Woman in Blue Reading a Letter" is our only shot at stealing back the other 33. We need Cleo to take the bait so we can push for a direct face-to-face, in the hopes of figuring out where she's keeping the rest.

Player: And if she had any suspicion that she were dealing with the master super thief Carmen Sandiego, she'd never let you anywhere near her stolen prizes.

Carmen: That's why, when Cleo's courier arrives to authenticate the painting, it'll be the Duchess who meets him at the door.

There's a knock at the door.

Player: Whoa, that can't be him. He's an hour early.

Zack: Yowza! Room service is wicked fast here.

Carmen: Wait! Don't open that doo--

Zack does. Carmen and Ivy hide. Player disconnects the video call.

Dash: Oh, still running on Moscow time. Hmm. Um... you're not a duchess.

Zack: You're not my sandwich.

Dash: Ahaha, I must have the wrong room. I...

He spots the painting.

Dash: Oh... there she is. "The Woman in Blah"... I was to meet a duchess. You would be her...?

Zack: Duke. Ah, yes. Ahem. I'm the Duke... ahah, of, uh, uh, uh... Vermeer! Vermeer. Yes. Haha.

Dash: That's a pace?

Zack: Um, yeah. I-In Boston. B-Boston. And you would be, mate?

Dash: Dash Haber. Executive courier to Countess Cleo.

He uses an electronic monocle to check that the painting is authentic, then starts to walk off with it.

Dash: I'll wire the funds immediately and take her off your hands.

Carmen motions for Zack to stop him by motioning her finger across her neck. Zack runs to Dash and repeats the gesture.

Zack: Does, uh, this mean anything to you?

Dash: Heh. I'll inform the Countess.

Cleo: Mr. Haber, report.

Dash: The painting checks out. But I think the Duke would prefer to deal directly with you?

Cleo: Duke? I promised a complete collection. If I don't have number 34 in my hands tomorrow night, I'll be laughingstock of the criminal underworld.

Dash: The Countess wishes to invite you to a dinner party and auction.

Zack: Great! Yeah, text me the address.

Dash: Good. A car will pick you up tomorrow, 5pm sharp. And no plus-ones, just the painting.

As soon as he closes the door, Ivy throws the wig at his head.

Ivy: Is your brain made of Swiss cheese? Yes, the kind with the holes.

Player: Why would Cleo auction the Vermeers after going through so much trouble to complete the set?

Carmen: The thrill of the hunt doesn't last long for her. And the combined value of the art could easily surpass one billion dollars.

Ivy: [whistles] Hello, V.I.L.E. slush fund.

Carmen: We'll only have a brief window to steal back all 34 while they're under one roof before they scatter to the winds. The good news is, we're invited to a party.

Player: And... the not so good?

Carmen: We only have 24 hours to transform Zack into a convincing duke.

Zack is standing in front of a mirror.

Carmen: Cleo will expect a duke to speak in proper diction. Repeat after me: "Park the car in Aardvark Yard."

Zack, with a Boston accent: Park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Carmen, moving his mouth up and down: Park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Zack: Park the car in-- hold on, hold on. I'm gonna get it.

Carmen: Cleo will expect a gentleman to wear appropriate wardrobe.

Zack: Aw no, not a monkey suit.

Ivy: It suits you. You're way more monkey than man.

Carmen: Salad fork.

Zack: Okay.

Carmen: Table fork.

Zack: Got it.

Carmen: Dessert fork.

Zack: Yum, dessert!

Carmen: Fish fork.

Zack: Yuck! F-F-Fish? Oh, come on! You never said I'd have to eat fish.

Carmen: If they serve it, just keep telling yourself it tastes like chicken. You need to learn enough talking points about art history to fit in.

Zack: Oh come on. Why?

Carmen: Because if Cleo thinks for even one moment you are not who you say you are, she'll feed you to her dogs.

Zack: Just don't let her feed me any fish. Okay, okay, okay. Small fork, salad, dessert fork, cake. Small fork... Park the car in Aadvark Yard. Park the car in Aardvark... Park the fork in Salad Yard. Park the fork in my mouth.

Carmen: Zack, you ready?

Zack: Ready to park the car in Aardvark Yard.

Ivy: Dude, that's weird, right?

Carmen: It's showtime.

Zack goes to the limo. Carmen and Ivy watch from the car.

Cleaner: Arms?

He extends his arms. They use a wand to check him for contraband.

Ivy: No tracker?

Carmen: First thing they check for.

Cleaner: Clean.

Cleaner: We go.

He puts a bag over Zack's head. When they drive off, Carmen and Ivy follow.

Carmen: You're doing great, Ivy. Just keep a safe distance. ...We have a tail.

Ivy: Would you look at that. A tail tailing a tail.

Chase: This A.C.M.E. technology is more my speed.

Julia, on a screen: Agent Devineaux, the hotel guests registered under a fake name, but I was able to connect the payment source to the van rental. You may very well be following the Duchess.

Chase: Or, Carmen Sandiego.

Julia: I suppose that is possible.

Chase: Ohoho! Delighted to hear that you agree for once.

Julia: But depriving the world of historic works of art does not seem to be Ms. Sandiego's M.O.

Chase: Bah! Just see what you can learn in the hotel suite. I am driving.

Julia: But Agent Devin--

Carmen: Hmm, an old admirer... in a new set of wheels. Player, there's a bridge half a klick southeast of us. Can you hack into it?

Player: I'm on it.

Carmen: Take this turn.

She does. Chase follows.

Player: Ah, a drawbridge. Coming right up.

He starts to raise each side of the drawbridge from the middle.

Carmen: Straight ahead. Step on it.

Ivy: Really?

Carmen: Make the jump, Ivy. We can't let our tail blow Zack's cover.

Chase: You jump, I jump.

Ivy: Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh! I can't!

She slams on the brakes. Chase sails ahead.

Chase: Nooooo!

The car half makes the jump. Then he sees Carmen in his rear-view mirror.

Chase: You! Haha, I knew you were behind...

His movements cause the car to start falling backward.

Chase: No, no, no, no, no... noooooo!

The car plummets into the water.

anon did you. did you type this all out yourself because i would like to shake your hand