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sincerity--extreme · 8 months ago

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Question for those with traumas/PTSD, does that grief over wondering who you'd be if *that* hasn't happened ever gets easier?

#I'll most probably delete this later #this is just my brain at 1am #sometimes #literally at random moments #I get hit in the face with those thoughts and the memories #and I always wonder if it ever changes #I know it won't go away #this is just like the other type of grief #but I've lost people before #in 2020 more than 1 and it was in a short period of time #didn't even had time to process the first #but yeah I've understood how that one works #never goes away but as time passes out gets a little easier to deal with #but the grief over not knowing who I'd be without my trauma hasn't changed at all #so... yeah #there's also the fact I haven't properly processed it yet #it's been many years but I only started the process of processing it years later in therapy and #then I lost therapy and couldn't keep doing that #thinking about it by choice became unbearable #trauma #PTSD

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obsob · 1 year ago

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mmgngm i was all excited tellin my mum abt me wanting to start bookbinding n she was just like well. what about your portfolio. are u sending it to people? youve been working on it for ages. yes i know!!!!!! im slow and disabled!!!! and want hobbies!!!!! bites you!!!!!!!!!!!

#barks #i will deleted this later my brain jus has bees in it #bites bites bites maims #n then shes like :( why do u feel pressure to work all the time n feel guilty when u dont :( HMMM #anyway. im gna start bookbinding fanfic KSJJEJEODJ #i have. most of the materials already which is nice i will need paper and a guillotine n card but i got everything else!#i'll probably do smth short first n then...progress #i might also buy a new printer bc good lird #our printer is maybe 7 years old n buying new ink on god is more expensive than buying a New printer. incredible stuff

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m-eltdown · 9 months ago

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roxannepolice · 5 months ago

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Yk, hands down my biggest problem interacting with any fandom, but especially DW, is that I literally can't even begin to understand approaching a character independently of the writing. Like, the statement "This is a great character, just poorly written" is straight up an oxymoron to me. I sometimes get the impression there's this weird belief in a platonic ideal-like "true history" version of a character that got denigrated by hostile chroniclers and [insert hegemony-adjacent adjective] Hollywood directors or something. Belief based mainly on the fact the actor did what they do for a living. Which is just. Again, something I can't even begin to process.

#i'll probably delete this later #the weather is just so fucking bad i'm dying and the inhibition mechanisms that work up to my personality can't even work.#but yeah this is in reference to that ten twelve poll bc twelve is possibly the closest i get to understanding this sentiment #if twelve was a history/science/philosophy podcaster i would be his most active subscriber #except he's a fictional character that made expanded suicide into a moral obligation and the plot presented it as rational wise and moral.#and like. an actor CAN make a character but the writing has to be at most inobtrusive.#yes this is about that interview where both chibnall and whittaker were very friendlily saying it's the other's job to make the character #like i know the intentions were good but it does sound like failed group project students saying how they were waiting for each other's par

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midmorninggrey · 2 months ago

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Interrupting this delightful booping for some mild angst (sorry)

If I see one more fic where a love interest traces top surgery scars, I'm gonna spit

Please

Think of another way to show affection and acceptance for trans men

#most of it comes from a good place #but #it happens in art too!#i challenge people to have a trans male character who never has a shirtless scene #its ok they will still be trans with a shirt on #grey yells at cloud #I'll probably delete this later

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starflungwaddledee · 11 months ago

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been working on answering a prompt i received in an ask the other day, and so i'm back thinking about... the Thing... 💖🎀 and thought maybe prompt doodles might help me work through this a little?

so uhhh.... if by any wild chance anyone has any ship suggestions for starstruck...??? feel free to send them through!

#this is *only* for starstruck and is not general requests! i'm just trying to figure out how i feel about this 😳#obviously no guarantees that i will be confident enough to draw any of these or that i'll enjoy them all but i just... am considering it?#idk idk idk is this stupid....#hope i won't regret this or won't get genuinely weirdass things.#just to be transparent this is sfw exclusively tho implied flirting is a-okay. please don't be weird....? i'm trusting folks to be nice!!#i would also happily take little prompts if you have thoughts about how it would work or whichever! like if you're a character Understander #if you have an idea how it would Work or what it might Be Like that would also help me to get a concept on how i feel about it!!#also i would.. consider ocs (only from their creator) if you... wanna??? character+artist *must* be an adult. starstruck is in her early 30 #also with ocs preferably from folks who i've at least interacted with before and like.. not just bc u want art ;;;#like... do u geniunely think they could have a cute dynamic? i'm just wondering if she could be Cute w someone. AUUghhGHHHH #again no promises and also for now i need this all done on the assumption it's just for fun!! just funsies. i'm just... thinking i guess!#want to try and figure out what it might be like if she WAS involved in a little ship/romo space...? as a treat? auughghhggghGHGLLG #also fair warning i may just get super embarrassed/nervous about this all and delete!! but i'm.. yknow. trying!#also i figure you can kind of tell my faves and who i hardly know much about. might not have lots of feelings about most side chars!#delete later #probably #wheeeeeEEEEeeahahahah okay;;; just post it. just post it starflung. just do it. hit the button hit the button hit the b

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f00t-fic · 2 months ago

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Well at least the libraries and city parks funding passed 🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

#just ohio things #ngl I'm doom spiraling a bit #at least the shitty gaslight-y feelings from 2020 aren't repeating yet #where the state that I experienced far more overt homophobic bigotry than Ohio #and all my nonwhite friends had big racism issues #got hyped up as our progressive savior in the 11th hour #and its probably only a matter of time before it happens this year too #fuck!!!!! we are the 7th most populous state!!#we have so many so many solid blue urban areas too!!!!#I will never get over the rest of the country just writing Ohio off as a lost cause in the last decade #because that has never been my experience living there #especially compared to other states that are still reliable swing states #I'm a bit drunk and I'll probably delete this later #I just really need some other progressive ohioans who remember when we were THE swing state #I'm gonna have some more gin

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mypeggableromance · 2 months ago

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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues #and having the most wretched mental health crisis #like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally #but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on #but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years #since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week #an ultrasound coming up #its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and #well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain #for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either #I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on #ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me #ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain #and even THAT sucks to consider #but i should stop #rambles

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blueesnow · 13 days ago

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only ranmaru's left... i can't believe i finish st and hv first when they're 7 members each before my hako oshi who only have 4 members... the world is cruel i only have 1 sr of him

#ill probably try to finish the private story translations later now that i got most of them #though yeah let me focus on doing nacchan's event story first www #i think i'll try to post his event story once im done with all chapters #also🥦pls unlock the 親愛度 cap #delete later

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aromanticasterisms · 1 month ago

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greek themed elysian realm star rail arc i am awake and LISTENING

#personal stuff #delete later #FINALLY something i'm excited for. get me the hell out of penacony i've been here for a million years #ough. can't wait to come back to this trailer after the story and listen to all these themes and recognize the motifs #''the flame chase''. literal kevin copy. catgirl pardofelis standin. LITERAL ELYSIA COPY.............#most of the others bear Some resemblance to the flamechasers but seem to have their own designs #like the ''su''? i think that's who eyepatch guy is? he looks pretty cool. and the kids look cute. the griseo standin also looks neat #don't get me started on the kalpas standin. he's fine. has none of the appeal my guy kalpas had but whatever #there's no obvious standins for most of the Women though. maybe that's just cause they're not color-coded the same way #maybe once the story starts i'll have a clearer idea of who's supposed to be who #or you know they've probably combined multiple characters' traits into different characters #the way they have in the past w genshin and star rail #also just auuuuuuuuuugh. the way this is the saga of HEROES and the flame chasers' dedication to becoming heroes........help #what was it they said about references to the rest of the honkaiverse being just little things for old players.....#like i DO hope their stories are their own and we get to see something new with them fr. but it is funny to me that this keeps happening

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longagoitwastuesday · 4 months ago

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I'm three interactions away from spreading my Ijichi/Gojo agenda

#The most trusted person of the strongest sorcerer in hundreds of years is the man who drives him places #because he's so weak when it comes to powers that even a first year kid considers irrelevant in a fight #With the implications that has in this world #Wish we had breakfasts in this manga #(scene of Shoko‚ Megumi‚ Yuta‚ Ijichi and perhaps Utahime and Yuji reacting to Gojo's death as his death and not just in a Sukuna context)#But in five chapters I doubt we'll get even the main arcs sufficiently closed #so I don't dare hope for the impact of the loses in a 'normal' sense #But I would give an arm for some breakfast interactions so to speak #The second ending plays with that idea a bit. A pity I don't consider endings and openings canon #So I don't count them. As much as I would like to think somewhere in the time line they painted Megumi's sleeping face jigglypufflike #and went to give a walk by the beach while Yuuji wistfully looked at them #I talk too much #I should probably delete this later #With so many tags I forgot what this post was about xD #This is half a joke. Conceptually they're not bad but I'm also not invested at all in anything in a shippy way #I just pointed the Ijichi/Gojo thing out a bit in the context of how I have never seen something with them #while I see a lot of the ships with the other characters #Also not that it's bad the lack of a shippy air. And probably it's for the best considering the lack of breakfast scenes so to speak #I'm loving the potential of the platonic dynamics and it's already messing me up that there's no real depth to them #Megumi and Gojo could have been everything to me. Everything. I can't say it enough haha #Edit: Actively looking for this now and I can't find Ijichi x Gojo stuff here on tumblr. I'll try twitter and ao3 later or something maybe

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blood-orange-juice · 10 months ago

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The weirdest thing about dating girls was that it suddenly became all right for me to be feminine.

Silly, emotional, a bit too focused on relationships. Someone who wants romance. Someone quiet and not always standing up for herself. All those things that are, you know, seen as lesser. Something to be therapied away.

I think about it a lot. I never see it discussed anywhere so I guess it's something very specific to me, my upbringing and my social circle. Or maybe it's a thing everyone is so used to that they don't question it.

#I'll probably delete this later #but meh #gender is weird #I don't think I've ever had any problems with me being nb #only exceptionally stupid people say something bad about that #my girly part seems to be something most people have a problem with though #it doesn't fit anywhere #and it's so weird #a world complaining 'where did all the feminine women go' that leaves no place for anyone to be feminine

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morrigan-sims · 2 months ago

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I can't fucking wait to share these renders of Carrion. I've only started on one of them but augh I'm so excited. They're going to turn out SO GOOD, I think!!

#thank you to izzy for saving my ass with lighting tips!!!#morrigan.txt #delete later #okay it's almost 1am and I've gotten less than 5 hours of sleep every night for the past 4+ days so I'm going to bed.#my goal the next two days is to make a bunch of progress on the Carrion renders and also hopefully get my bonus simblreen treat ready #so I can share it sometime this week. It's the most spooky/traditional Halloween of all of them so I'd love to share it soon #so people can use it while it's still spooky season.#I'll give you a hint: it's something I made for one of the sim I've posted recently. ;)#I've got a fun preview/teaser I should probably post tomorrow.#two of them actually.#anyways. goodnight! <3

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seekingthestars · 2 months ago

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we're doing these workshop things to try to address some of the equity/workflow/workload problems in our department and our facilitator wants everyone to email her "the problem [we'd] like to solve in [our] large team" and how do i politely say i just want people to do their fucking jobs

#personal #i'm fed UP i'm FED UPPPPPP #with this one particular coworker rn #but there are several who are guilty of this shit #but this one guy #asked me to get a spanish version of a doc reprinted #i told him it hadn't been updated and to pull over the list of changes into that task (which he should have already done)#he just goes 'can't we send it to our usual translator?'#me: yes but i NEED A LIST OF THE CHANGES. you can just HIGHLIGHT THEM IN THE PDF. just DO YOUR JOB and GIVE ME THE CHANGES #he gives me a highlighted pdf and i'm looking at it before i send it for translation #AND HE USED THE WRONG FREAKING PDF #IT'S NOT THE MOST RECENT VERSION #IT'S NOT THE CORRECT DOC WITH THE MOST UPDATED COPY #the correct doc is IN OUR PROJECT MANAGEMENT SOFTWARE.#i deleted the incorrect version when i added the correct one so I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE HE PULLED THE INCORRECT ONE FROM #i want to scream #i'm SICK and TIRED of him doing the BARE MINIMUM and then DOING IT WRONG #EVERY SINGLE TIME #it's not MY job to make sure he does HIS job correctly. or AT ALL. oh my GOD i'm sick of it #(i made the changes in the english ver. so i know what's needed. it's like four minor things total.)#(i could absolutely do this myself and it would've been done already. but i'm trying to get him to DO HIS JOB.)#(instead of me just DOING HIS JOB FOR HIM every time bc then he'll never learn)#(but i am so FED UP WITH THIS. i have other shit to do.)#anyway i'm feeling ragey right now i'll delete this later probably

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musical-chick-13 · 1 year ago

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One of the WORST parts of having OCD is that some of the Fears™ are actually humanly possible, so it's not like my response can just be, "Oh that'll never happen" or even "I've never seen that happen, so it's probably unlikely."

#like. okay. for example. 2019 me: 'better do cleaning compulsions because oh no what if I get the Plague™'#fast forward a year to covid and that was genuinely a very real possibility. I could LITERALLY catch the plague #or on a smaller more personal scale: 'no one is going to screenshot a Bad Line™ of your fic and publicly make fun of it online-people #don't do that it'd be so extra why tf would you be afraid of that happening' except I JUST saw someone literally do that. so we engage in #Avoidance Compulsions™ as a protective mechanism because the only way to avoid a feared outcome is to never do anything! 🙃🙃#and okay yeah these things are not created equal and one of them probably doesn't actually matter the point I'm trying to make is that #this shit affects my life on EVERY level and I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE FOR IT NOT TO DO THAT #I AM TIRED OF THE BRAIN DISEASE BEING HERE I WOULD LIKE TO BE A MENTALLY HEALTHY PERSON PLEASE #*sigh* yeah yeah the answer is erp the answer is always erp that doesn't mean it's fun #mc13 and her ocd #I'll probably delete this later because it most likely makes me look completely and utterly absurd if not straight-up stupid #(no one ELSE with this disease or fears is absurd or stupid btw. just me. it's only me who is A Problem™)#(yes I know how that sounds. I know okay.)

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nobodybetterlookatme · 4 months ago

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The love/hate relationship with my coworkers is so real lmao like why are they like this

#not snz #I'm just having fun #tho there has been sneezing bc there's so much fucking dust everywhere #I've been at the station for a hot minute #bc most of our guys are still out on fires #so there's just like nobody here #and i like money so I'm vibing with getting paid for being here extra days #but there's just a few of us here rn and we have like nothing to do bc we're hardly getting assignments #so we're just fucking around #and i have like the first responder version of cards against humanity #so we're playing that to kill the time and it's great lmao #but also some of them were asking me random questions #bc apparently the answers and explanations you give say somrthing about you idk #it was some bullshit but we were having fun with it #but the way they were laughing at every single answer i gave like hello #you fucking asked lmao #the nerve tho when they asked for an animal i like and three reasons why #and then said that that's how people view me and scream laughed bc 'it's accurate' like bro fuck off lmao #but i am having a good time like i adore these guys #they drive me crazy but that's my second family right there #plus with all the free time we get I've been trying different recipes and so far no complaints lmao #made a pasta dish tonight that was a big hit bc literally everything was from scratch incuding the noodles #like that's how much time we have lmao #anyway tonight is my last night at the station then i can go home which is a relief #we've all been sleeping on the floor and couches lmao #there are bunkhouses but the women's quarters are unusable so we're all staying in the rec building instead #i told them it was fine and they could stay in the bunkhouse but they were appalled by the suggestion lmao #so we're all vibing rn watching tv and I've literally never felt like I've belonged somewhere more so I'm thriving #anyway I'll probably delete this later I'm just happy rn lmao

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