#I'll have time this weekend but maybe zero inspiration

[youchangedmedestiel]

Annoying when inspiration to keep writing your current fanfic strikes during lunch break and then the break is over and you have to return to work and be focused on something else.

[hannieehaee]

idol hani fic plspslspsslspslspsls

content: idol!jeonghan, mentions of enlistment, established relationship, fluff, banter, etc.

wc: 635

a/n: im not sure what inspired me writing about cutting his hair but here we are

masterlist

"do you really have to cut it?", you pouted as jeonghan stood in front of you with scissors in his hands.

as per usual, there was a pleased smile on his face. it didn't matter to him to have to cut his hair, he knew it'd grow back. he just found some sick sort of entertainment in knowing you'd pout and whine about the loss of his hair.

it's not like he had to shave it off like most other people in the military did. all he needed was to get rid of the length, seeing as he had chosen public service rather than actually stationing himself outside of home. the upside was that he'd be able to come home to you every night and that you'd even get to keep him on the weekends. the downside was that his beautiful long hair would not make a comeback until the two year countdown reached zero.

okay, maybe the upsides heavily outweighed the downsides, but you felt like your dramatics regarding his hair were more than fair. especially considering that the demon was forcing you to cut his hair in favor of going to an actual hairstylist.

call it some sick sort of torture.

"it's just a trim, babe. it'll grow back. in two years, but y'know, same thing."

he was far too pleased by your huff in response.

"you suck, yoon jeonghan. i hope you finally learn the torturous life of office workers. karma will come for you one day or another," you scowled at him before gesturing for him to take a seat.

regardless of hair, he'd look handsome as always. this was your one consolation.

"c'mon, babe. you should be happy. you get to have me all to yourself for two years. carats will also suffer the loss of my hair but at least you get me as a consolation prize," he argued as he put on a cover to ensure he didn't get any hair on his clothes.

"yeah, yeah, whatever. they can keep you," you joked back, earning a chuckle from him.

your hands began unknowingly massaging his hair as you searched for where to start. you'd never really cut hair professionally before, and messing with an idol's hair just sounded like blasphemy to you. however, it was also nice to provide jeonghan with such a domestic favor.

it seemed enjoyable for him too. or at least that's the impression his purring gave you every time your hands ran through his hair.

"hmm, wait no, keep going," he grumbled when your hands went to leave his head in order to grab onto the scissors he'd set on the table before sitting.

"i thought you wanted me to cut your hair."

still, you went back to playing with his hair, running your fingers through the long strands that had him sighing at every touch. his eyes closed and his head leaned into your touch, silently encouraging you to continue.

"i was kidding! of course you can't cut my hair. i'm an idol, my hair's worth millions."

pushing the exaggeration aside, you wacked at the side of his head lightly in punishment, earning yourself a high-pitched 'yah!' before halting your movements altogether. this only made him complain even more.

"c'mon, i'll play with your hair if you come to bed," you pulled at his hand, dragging his lethargic body towards your bedroom so you could enjoy the last few moments you had with his hair.

he haphazardly took off the cover and followed along, mumbling one thing or another in complaint at your treatment of him, claiming you held no appreciation for him or that he was more than a pretty doll to drag around. you huffed with a laugh, getting a similar one from him as you finally got him into bed.

[elleloquently]

invisible string [4] : ellie williams

part three

| college!ellie x female!reader - thank you guys so much for patiently (and excitedly) waiting for this update! school is absolutely so busy it's sickening, so it's hard to write as often as i want, but i really want to aim for at least one update per week! writing this chapter was so much fun so please let me know what you think... as always thank you for your love, requests are open, and reblogs and comments are always loved and appreciated! love ya <3 (p.s shout out to a creepy owner irl who inspired part of this fic)

| c/w - anxious reader, swearing, mention of weed, alcohol, men!

studying was very dull compared to texting a pretty girl.

ellie entered your life in a whirlwind, notes filling up your once empty walls and endless texts and pictures cluttering up your phone.

the texts came in slowly at first, maybe a few short conversations every other day, mostly complaining about how much homework the professor of your shared class was packing in before finals week hit. then entered stupid memes, random pictures... and suddenly you were staying up until 3am learning about each other, despite your 8am class.

it had only been a few days, and you knew that you were getting too attached.

it was a feeling that made your stomach sink, the realization of how much your mood improved with a simple text. you were happiest in class, sitting next to ellie, even when your hand cramped from filling out pages of study guides.

sighing, you turned your music up louder and crashed back onto your bed, cushioned by a multitude of throw pillows and blankets. you weren't getting much studying done anyway.

the song grew quiet as your phone chimed, music to your ears.

Zero progress.

attached was a photo of the study guide, the amount of completed questions matching those of your own packet.

you quickly typed out a response to ellie, short and to the point.

literally sickening

it was only a few seconds before she replied:

There goes my weekend!

you replied in agreement before forcing yourself back up to glance over your textbook. you've been lingering on the same chapter for over an hour. if you were truly honest with yourself, you probably only read about two paragraphs... you were distracted.

you hardly had time to even daydream due to how busy you were, but it's not like it mattered. you gaze lingered to the collaboration of drawings made by yourself and ellie, still sticking to the wall. your phone sounded once again, pulling you out of a sleepy daze. figuring it was ellie again, you closed your textbook in an act of resignment.

the smile that appeared once you heard the text notification slowly faded upon closer inspection.

it wasn't ellie. it was a friend, one you admittedly haven't spoken to much as of recent. you hadn't really meant to ghost her, but your schedules didn't really align much. this time of year you were so busy with assignments and work, and she was busy with... well, literally anything else.

her message consisted of only two words, call me. it was short and vague so you immediately obliged, worry taking over your senses.

she answered on the second ring, speaking before you had even opened your mouth.

"please tell me you don't have plans tonight," she urged.

you wince, already preparing an excuse. "i'm studying..." you start. it wasn't a complete lie, you really had been making an effort.

her disappointment is obvious by the way she sighs your name into the phone speaker. "i've barely seen you all semester," she argues.

you start to chip your nail polish on your free hand, holding your phone to your ear with the other one. "what's up?" you ask.

"come out with me tonight? please. you've hardly come out this semester and let's be real, once finals start there's no chance i'll be able to convince you to come out," your friend pleads. her desperation is heavy and you rub at your eyes.

you want to immediately tell her no, but you really hadn't seen her in awhile yet the other day you skipped class for a chance to hangout with someone you hardly even knew. granted, it was ellie, but still.

a pit of guilt planted itself in your stomach, forcing your next words.

"what time?"

yelping in excitment, the girl on the other end of the line gushes out all of the information to you. "i'll pick you up around eleven, okay?"

a rushed end to a quick call, with promises to text more and texting outfit options for the night.

you were nervous about the change of pace. it caused you a strange feeling of obligation, to get out of your bubble and do something different every once in awhile. during college, people were promised four years of finding their forever friends and partying, making the memories that will last their entire lifetime.

you tried to partake, but it felt forced.

with a demanding major and even more demanding coursework, it was hard to maintain friendships by finding the time to actually go out. any spare time you had was replaced with shifts at work.

you felt like you were doing college… wrong.

your music resumed, the volume increasing to drown out any anxious thoughts that would prompt you to cancel last minute.

with no new texts from ellie, you decided to give your study guide one last try.

─ ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ── ·𖥸· ─

by the time you were supposed to get picked up, you were already yawning. you had dedicated the last hour to getting ready and picking an outfit that was deemed cute enough to make you feel good but still comfortable enough that you felt secure.

though it felt like a sleepy time of year, students were nearly restless. the pressures of exams were relieved on weekends, places around the college town open all night for people to blow off steam.

it happened quickly so you didn't have a moment to reconsider or backtrack, a text of 'here!' and shoving your feet into shoes before dashing to meet your friend in the parking lot.

the car ride was a catch up session, your friend talking about her new friends but you made a quick decision not to tell her about ellie. you weren't exactly sure why, but it was almost like you wanted to keep ellie to yourself. you checked your phone mindlessly and couldn't help but feel let down when nothing new presented on your screen.

the streets were alive and busy, girls huddled together to stay warm despite the lack of coats. the outside was an indication of how busy each bar and club would be, warm with heat and bodies packed inside.

you arrived at your friend's favorite establishment, the environment a stark difference from the comfortable evening you were having in your dorm just a few short hours ago. you pressed your way through a thick crowd, hanging loosely onto the arm of your friend so you wouldn't split up.

drinks were overpriced but you ordered one anyway, something to hold onto but you knew you would probably only finish a little more than half of it if you were dedicated enough.

"i'm gonna meet up with some people, my friends and their friends," your friend explained over the music, quickly resulting in your growing concern.

you wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt, you always did, but other people getting involved meant you would be inevitably ditched within the hour. the look on your face gave away your feeling and the girl standing opposite of you had a short patience.

"i wish you would've told me," you tried to reason, not wanting to look or sound pathetic.

"it doesn't matter," she shook her head. "they're nice, it'll be fun."

fun.

'fun' ended up being the act of standing awkwardly in the back because they wouldn't make enough room for you in the circle. 'fun' apparently was listening to them tell the same story over and over, yet talk over you every time you tried to speak too.

forced to be a wallflower, you stood with your back against the wall as you observed other people dancing. you could almost be content like this... the music was loud and the lighting was dark. the combination seemed like it would be an anxiety nightmare, but it was actually the opposite. you could stand there, completely unnoticed, hidden by the atmosphere.

you really could've been okay with it, until your eyes were drawn to your friend pointing at you. you stood up straight, thinking she was beckoning over, until you realized exactly what she was doing. she had been dancing with a guy that night, and that guy seemingly had a friend. she was pointing you out to the friend, pushing him to join you. he started walking in your direction and your stomach filled with dread. you didn't want to be in this situation, and you certainly didn't want to make small talk with some guy.

you tried to look busy, quickly pulling out your phone and looking anywhere else. against your silent praying, the guy stood over you.

"hey," he said, leaning too close to your ear and you ducked your head away. he smelled like alcohol and cologne that was sprayed too many times. you tried a polite smile but it came out like a wince.

"can i buy you a drink?"

you answered his question by holding up your cup, hand tightly covering the opening of the top. you had only taken a few sips of it, not able to stand the taste.

"how many?" he pressed, pointing to your cup.

"what?" your face scrunched in confusion.

"how many drinks have you had?" he clarified with a laugh that you didn't return.

"one. this is my first," you informed him flatly.

he made a face like he was pretending to be let down and your stomach turned. "only one? come on girl, you need more than that."

you outwardly groaned, rolling your eyes as you pushed yourself off of the wall. "i'm going to the bathroom. bye."

"want me to hold your drink?" he called after you, agitated and loud.

you ignored him and stepped carefully through the crowd, not wanting to stand too closely to any men or accidently bump any dancing girls. you were hyper focused on the restroom sign and the way the music pounded in your ears, muttering to yourself when you felt a hand wrap around your arm.

you immediately tensed, your blood running cold but your body feeling hot simultaneously. was this guy seriously grabbing you right now?

short tempered and fuming, you loudly spat "fuck off," as you angrily whipped around, only to be met with horrified green eyes, freckles, and auburn hair.

letting go as quickly as she had reached for you, ellie dropped her hand. "shit, sorry, i-"

you quickly cut her off, apologizing profusely.

"ellie, oh my god, i am so sorry," you stressed, heart sinking when she took a step away from you.

"sorry, i really shouldn't have done that," ellie mumbled, wincing. you nearly didn't hear her, the music was too loud.

she had on a loose flannel, unbuttoned down the middle and her converse. you were sure that her horrified expression matched your own, and you wanted nothing more than to sink into the floor.

"i'm so sorry," you repeated. "i thought you were someone else and-"

"i'm sorry, i called your name but-"

you kept talking over each other, rushing awkward apologies. ellie shifted on her feet, her cheeks red.

"sorry," you mentioned again, defeated. "there was this guy, and..."

"a guy," ellie repeated quietly, her expression unreadable.

"yeah," you pushed on, glancing over ellie's shoulder. he was watching you now, remaining where you left him. gross. "i was trying to get away from him and i didn't hear you, i had no idea, i'm so sorry ellie."

she laughed dryly as she recovered but your face still stung with embarrassment. "it's alright," ellie reassured you, turning her head to briefly spot the guy you had glanced at. "are you here with him?" she asked curiously.

you quickly shook your head, rolling your eyes to express your disgust. "no," you emphasized. "i'm here with my friend but... i don't know," you laughed bitterly, finally taking a moment to let it sink in that you had ran into ellie here.

"i don't know why i'm here," you felt the need to say.

ellie nodded with a short laugh. "tell me about it."

you raised an eyebrow but didn't press it, still feeling like you needed to collect yourself. you could stand and talk with ellie forever, but you seriously needed to regroup.

"hey, um, i'm gonna run to the bathroom," you explained.

"come find me when you're done?" ellie offered, green eyes scanning your face. she pointed to an area by the bar, showing you where you could find her.

your nerves didn't stand a chance, overpowered by the overwhelming desire to be close to her. you nodded, your smile genuine for the first time that night.

before you could return on your path to the bathroom, ellie spoke again. "do you want me to hold onto that for you?" she offered, gesturing to the drink in your hand.

"oh, yeah, thanks ellie." you passed it over and she covered the top with her hand automatically, a simple thing that made your heart swell.

"i'll be there, alright?" she guaranteed, her eyes never leaving yours. you nodded once and parted ways, quickly heading to the bathroom.

you dashed for an empty sink, running cold water over your hands as you stared at your reflection. you couldn't figure out why, but you felt weird about running into ellie here. you suddenly wondered who she was here with, or was she here alone?

pushing out a deep breath, you turned off the water and dried them with a paper towel. you felt dizzy, like you were in a state in between sleeping and being awake.

"this," you mumbled to your reflection, "this is why you don't go out."

once you had worked up the courage, you emerged from the bathroom and scanned your surroundings. the girl you came with was dancing with the guys and her friends. feeling secure in the fact that you wouldn't be missed, you went to look for ellie but you didn't have to search for long.

ellie was exactly where she had said she would be, leaning against the bar with her hand protectively covering your drink. she seemed to be keeping an eye out for you because when your eyes locked, she waved you over.

you didn't bother to try and contain your grin as you made your way over, but your confidence was short lived when a pretty girl with dark hair leaned over, talking in ellie's ear.

oh.

whatever the girl said had made ellie laugh, and you faltered in your step. of course she was here with someone. of course she had other friends, (a girlfriend?) other people that she actively talked to and hung out with. you would've been stupid for thinking otherwise, you just hadn't thought about it much.

you didn't want to interrupt, but ellie caught your eye again. she raised her eyebrows, curiously, waiting. taking a deep breath, you pressed on, slowly coming to her side.

ellie handed your cup over and you accepted, taking a drink for courage.

"welcome back," ellie mused, a small smile gracing her lips.

you glanced at the girl standing on the other side of ellie, the liquid in her cup a vibrant color. ellie followed your eyes and made a face of realization, pulling the girl into the conversation.

almost sounding sheepish, she introduced her. "this is my friend dina, and... jesse," ellie craned her neck around but 'jesse' was elsewhere. you nodded anyway, smiling in dina's direction.

"hi, it's nice to meet you," you said, genuinely, despite your heart pounding in your chest.

"likewise! i've heard so much about you," dina replied, eyes bright and smiling.

ellie's eyes widened and your eyebrows shot up, taken aback by dina's introduction. you glanced at ellie but she was already composed.

"really?" you asked, truly surprised.

dina laughed and changed the subject. "jesse complains about coming but yet it's impossible to keep an eye on him," she expresses in response. "it was so nice meeting you," dina smiles at you once more and quickly squeezes ellie's shoulder before disappearing, presumably to find 'jesse.'

you take another drink and ellie clears her throat, music filling the silence. "where's your friend?" ellie questions.

you hum thoughtfully and scan the faces of all of the dancing people until your eyes land on her group. "there," you nod in their direction, trying not to sound bitter.

"are they all your friends? do you want me to go meet them?" ellie asks, watching them for a moment before gazing at you, eyes flickering over your face.

"no," you reply quickly, flatly.

"okay then," ellie laughs, tilting her head to peer at your expression. she brushes a strand of hair out of her face and it's hard not to watch, to not be entranced by every slight movement and expression she makes.

once again, you're thankful for the lighting, or lack thereof, and for the music. for some reason it feels like less pressure, which you appreciate.

"oh god," ellie mumbles, drawing your attention. she wraps her tattooed arm around your waist, gently pulling you closer to her side. your breath hitches and you tense up, but her arm is then back by her side, the ghost of her touch electrocuting your senses. "watch out," she says, nodding to an older man making his way to the bar.

your eyebrows draw together in confusion as ellie watches the man in disgust, but you're more focused on the fact that her arm was just around you for about three seconds.

you take a slow drink, watching as the man leans down to talk to several girls crowded around the bar. it seems nearly harmless though a little odd, he's definitely the oldest person in the room as everyone else is college aged. you turn to ellie, confused, but she nudges your arm to keep watching.

he puts his arms around the girls, his hands going way too low, signaling the bartender to give them drinks with a flick of his hand.

you face ellie, eyes wide and mouth agape. she nods in disgust, but slightly amused at your expression.

"he's the owner," she explains. "he's so gross... people flirt with him because if he likes you, you're set with free drinks. he's just... gross."

"why are you here?" you question, frowning.

"dina likes to dance," ellie says simply.

"and you?"

"no," ellie laughs quickly.

"i definitely wasn't expecting to run into you here," you admit, running your finger along the rim of your plastic cup.

"yeah? i wasn't expecting you either." ellie watches you carefully, thoughtful in expression but casual in demeanor.

"excuse me ladies," a gruff voice cuts through. you snap your head up and meet the eyes of the owner, chewing your bottom lip nervously as his eyes drag across you and ellie. he contemplates ellie for a moment before setting his gaze on you, frowning.

"aren't you warm in that, sweetheart?" he slurs out, indicating to the sweater you're wearing. ellie places a gentle hand on your shoulder, making a face at the man from over your shoulder.

"i'm just fine," you remark.

he doesn't like your answer, but you didn't say anything rude so he can't lecture you. he stares at you, unmoving, and decides to give you one last chance.

"what're you drinking there?" he questions, shuffling closer to get a better look. he makes like he's expecting you to bat your eyelashes at him, and ellie tugs you backwards into her.

"let's go dance," she murmurs into your ear. your face gets hot and her hands are on your shoulders, walking behind you and guiding you away from the bar. you leave your drink on the counter, unwanted.

once you're far enough away, she gently halts you to a stop. your skin is burning from the contact and you turn to face her, trying to be lighthearted. "i thought you don't like to dance?"

the corners of her mouth turn up and you give in, absolutely folding in her presence. you leave about a foot of space in between your bodies, but loosely and awkwardly wrap your arms around her shoulders. it makes ellie nervously laugh, and she hesitates before carefully placing her hands at your waist. it's your turn to laugh now, fully aware of how ridiculous you must look. you obnoxiously sway to the side, putting your weight onto one foot and then the other, threatening to make each other fall over with the abrupt movements. it's a stark contrast to the way everyone else is moving to the music, but you're both genuinely laughing so you leave it be.

you can see your previous group in the corner of your eye and nerves wash over you again, feeling shy at ellie's playful touch. suddenly you feel guilty for harboring a secret crush on the girl, feeling as if you've crossed some sort of boundary. you steady yourself but it's hard to breathe with ellie so close, staring at your eyes and your lips and your eyes again... or did you imagine it? obviously not, but certainly you're reading into it? making something out of nothing?

ellie coughs, flustered. you both stop 'dancing,' dropping your arms and facing each other straight on.

"hey," you say, your face scrunching in confusion, "i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

your comment makes ellie recover and she breathes out a laugh in surprise, even though you were being serious.

"i thought you were working on the study guide tonight."

you frown and ellie rolls her eyes, shaking her head at you in pretend disappointment. "work on it with me tomorrow then," she tells you, nearly surprising herself with how quickly it came out.

her voice is like honey, making it impossible to pull away from her, even mentally.

"really?" you eye her suspiciously.

she nods and shrugs, and you promise to think it over. standing this close to ellie felt dangerous to the small amount of confidence you tried to build up. she smelled almost earthy, a warm deep scent, maybe a touch of vanilla and... weed?

a hand brushed your waist but it wasn't ellie's, the body stepping into view. the guy from earlier that your friend had sent over came around to stand next to ellie, his eyelids heavy.

"what the fuck, dude?" ellie questioned sharply.

"i was watching you dance," he mused, glancing at you and then ellie. it was hardly even dancing, you were just making each other laugh, so your skin crawled with the idea of that guy watching with ill intent.

"okay, go watch someone else," ellie shot back, her tongue sharp.

you glanced around, catching sight of your friend from earlier. she was watching the interaction, as if it were encouraged, and gave you a thumbs up. you exhaled in disbelief, turning your attention back to ellie. she was staring the guy down, brows furrowed.

"you ladies wanna dance with me or what?" he was cocky, drunk, and standing way too close.

"fuck off," ellie spat, a lot like how you did earlier when you thought that he was the one who grabbed your arm.

he stood in disbelief, unmoving, so you grabbed ellie's hand and dragged her away.

"they should be banned from public places," you grumble. ellie snorts, features immediately softening as she turns to you.

"this is ridiculous. do you wanna get out of here?"

at her proposition, your heart leaps. you definitely do, but the idea terrifies you nonetheless. despite yourself, you automatically nod.

"let me go find dina and jesse, see if they're gonna leave or stick around longer. wanna come with?"

you almost say yes but shake your head instead. "i should go tell the person i came with that i'm leaving, just in case."

ellie nods in understanding. she starts to turn away but stops short, eyes boring into your own. "meet me right by the entrance, okay? i'll be quick."

it's your turn to signal your understanding now, and you head back through the crowd to find your... friend. it's pretty easy to spot her but not to gain her attention.

"hey. hey, i'm gonna go, alright?"

she whips around at you, confused. "you're leaving?"

"yeah."

"are you gonna be safe?"

despite being ignored and ambushed with a creepy guy, you smile at her concern. it's the bare minimum, really, but it's appreciated.

"yeah," you repeat. "it's... a friend from class. she's good. safe," you express.

you say your goodbyes and head straight for the doors like you agreed with ellie. you’re only waiting alone for a moment before she joins you, car keys in hand. dina and jesse aren’t following, and instantly you feel like an idiot.

“oh my god, ellie, i totally sabotaged your night.”

“what? no you didn’t,” ellie disagrees.

you push through the doors together, greeted by harsh winds. the cold evening air was shocking as it hit your face, self doubt washing over you.

"you were just trying to have a fun night with your friends and i... i'm such an idiot," you mutter.

"whoa, hey, you're alright," ellie presses softly. she stops walking to look at you, but looks as though she has to work up the courage before she continues speaking. "i'm glad you here were, alright? dina and jesse are fine."

your face is burning and she hesitates again, but the worry expressed on your face causes ellie to continue on.

"honestly i was getting ready to leave before i saw you," she admits, looking in any direction away from you.

you beg and plead with yourself not to read into it, but why did she hesitate? why would you be nervous to tell that to someone who's just a friend? are you reading too much into it, or are you friendzoning yourself?

"ellie," you breathe, and she finally brings her attention back to you. the wind howls through the night, whipping your hair across your cheeks. your heart beats quicker but ellie grows reserved, adjusting her weight on her feet.

"i'll drive you to your dorm," she tells you as she beings walking once more. you quickly follow behind, in a trance of wondering and wanting.

it felt different from before, different from sitting next to her in class and different from studying together. what was usually light hearted jokes and easy conversation was replaced by a thick cloud of nerves, a tension that conjured itself out of nowhere and you desperately wanted to crack a joke but you felt shy.

you were texting a lot lately, you had some serious late night conversations about your families, stressors, lives, anything to get to know each other but this was different. ellie seemed almost solemn now, guarded, and you were worried that you had gotten too comfortable too quickly.

you worried as you walked to the car and you worried as she drove. ellie did exactly as she said she would and you arrived safely to your building, but your feet were glued to the ground as you reached the door and you desperately wanted to selfishly stay with her, just a little longer.

"thanks for pretty much saving me tonight," you stated earnestly. "it sucked before you found me, i'm glad you did."

ellie's smile was crooked and sincere and a wave of relief washed over you. "see you tomorrow?" she asked, her eyebrows drawing up to her forehead.

"the study guide will be completed," you affirm, grinning back at the auburn haired girl.

you heave open the door to your building and ellie steps back to the car, but you call after her one final time. "text me when you're home safe," you urge her, and you can't see the smile that graces her face.

"i will," ellie promises, and she did.

after cleaning up you fall into bed, exhausted, but your mind is racing. you turn to your side, facing the wall that is decorated with two sticky notes. you lightly trace ellie's drawings with your finger, willing yourself to go to sleep so you won't be absolutely miserable with a lack of sleep by the morning.

you were seeing her again, tomorrow, and nothing else at that moment mattered.

not your endless piles of homework, or the way you were ditched tonight. not the fact that the weather was getting colder by the day and you still couldn't find your earmuffs, or that one of your finals was going to take place at 7am.

nothing else mattered... just ellie.

[ part five ]

[osaemu]

mini-announcement, i probably won't be posting/interacting over the weekend because i have a big tournament and i'll be spending time with my team !! just a heads up in case you're wondering why i haven't replied to you or your ask yet :,) sorry about that 🤍

cw: discourse under the cut.

i didn't want to have to make this post, but lately i've been receiving a lot of anonymous asks about a certain blog and unfortunately, it's gotten to a point where i feel like i have to address it. don't take this post as being hateful in any way—this is just something i just wanted to get off my chest. this isn't a big deal, so no reblogs either, thanks.

the bottom four asks all came within a span of five minutes, so i think it's a reasonable assumption to make that they were all sent by the same person. as for who that is, i'll get into that at the end of the post.

but first of all, i can say without a doubt that i have a personality of my own. case closed. nobody's actually said how we're similar in any way, so i'll assume these are all from no-lifes who couldn't find anything better to hate on.

second of all, my netflix banner was actually inspired by another blog, who i won't namedrop for the sake of their peace. and either way, our banners don't even look similar, nor do either of us own netflix. x x

and finally, those are actually the two most braindead asks i've ever received. are we copyrighting letters now? does anyone own the letter e?

don't compare blogs/writers—it's never ended well, and it never will.

even after getting these asks, i still didn't say anything about it because.. i don't really care. everyone's entitled to their own opinion, and what you think of me is up to you.

moving on, i think tee left tumblr sometime in between that time and now, and i was told by a mutual that i was mentioned within the post. if i'm being completely honest, i didn't read all of it because we have each other blocked anyways and it was a lot to read through.. so i skimmed over the bit about me, but didn't really see anything of interest, which is why i didn't address it.

i also had anons on at the time, and i did think it was interesting how i didn't receive a single ask about tee from then up until today, about a month later. up until a couple hours ago, i hadn't even thought about her because, again, i don't care. this is tumblr dot com, not my love life. most of the drama here is over pixels anyways, so i don't waste my day thinking about it.

neither of these are particularly interesting, but the fact that you weirdos are still associating me with someone who i'm not even mutuals with is.. not to my liking.

idk what false accounts the second anon's talking about, because i don't go looking for drama. if you need proof, here's how many sideblogs i have... (click the image)

zero!

as for the idea that i'm jealous of tee, i'm perfectly fine with the amount of followers i have now. i've always been open about my satisfaction with my interaction rates, and that hasn't changed.

and obviously, tee's a good writer—when have i ever said otherwise? if it was based solely off of writing, i would say that she deserves every single one of her followers, maybe even more. i don't think anybody on this app would disagree with me when i say that she's genuinely one of the best fanfic writers i've come across.

however, i won't support someone just because i like their content. i've stopped listening to many artists because i didn't like who they were as a person, and similarly, once i read the reblogs on a certain callout post, i stopped consuming tee's content as well.

there's a reason i avoided making this post in the past—because i don't really have anything to say. tee and i have never had a directly negative interaction, as i'm sure you all can see in her archival post. the reason i don't support her anymore is because i didn't particularly like how she never spoke up about her followers sending death threats to other followers. that's it.

while i have my guesses as to who sent those anons, i don't care enough to find out. and i think it's better that way. this conflict's been dragged on for long enough, and this is my way of saying that i'd like to be excluded from this narrative from now on.

tee, if someone sends you this post at some point, feel free to contact me if you'd like to clear anything up. we're both adults, and i think we can agree that nothing monumental has happened between us to cause any of this. honestly, the only people dragging this on are the weirdo anons in my inbox.

to whoever's reading this post, thank you for listening to my side of the story—it was nice to be able to get this off my chest. wish me luck at my tournament, and i'll be back after the weekend !! 🤍

[altocat]

(Sorry Alto I’m just very excited eeeee!)

The day you start playing Katana Zero and react to what happens will probably be one of the best day/days I would have.

I remember how it altered my brain chemistry when I played it at 2020.

The ANGST and the FEELS would inspire you as there are some themes I can identify from the game that are a bit similar to what the CC/Seph fandom has thought of. It sure did for me.

Also its not a long game so you can finish it on your PC, switch or steam deck in like two-three days or so, or at least a week.

Eeeeeeeeee! 😆😆😆😆

I'll maybe see if I can play it this weekend. If it's a shorter game, that leaves me some extra time. I did enjoy the trailer you sent, so I'm interested in checking it out!

[anitalianfrie]

i'm curious about any commentary you have about this is a love story 👀

beside the like,literal hours i spent trying to code that fucking thing, i realized after the first article and maybe, three posts that i needed a plot. or at least, a resemblance of a plot. a sequence of events that would happen and that then had to be filtered through the social media lens and through the eyes of the characters. I had to build the reconciliation organically, i couldn't just write ten posts on them and call it a day because then it wouldn't have worked.

Luckily our community was of great aid in this, and a lot of the posts i put in it, like reblogs or quotes, were directly taken from my dash around the days i wrote that specific section of the story. Like, when we where having the collective leatherboys breakdown, i decided to put it in the story. or the motogpconfession one, i think i wrote it the day after adora unearthed those posts.

i had a piece of paper on which i wrote down all the events i wanted to happen and then i assigned a race/time period to it. I ended up sending vale to like, eight or nine races in the process but i think i was able to cut it down to seven in the fic. Also i refused to check any of the wec races because it could have ruined everything (and it would have, because i'm pretty sure he will race the same weekend as sepang). i was already going crazy reworking the instagram skin, the wec schedule was not going to be my problem.

one of the most difficult things to write was the rockstar au (that now i love very dearly) because. i didn't know what to write about. I knew i needed to put an au in the story, simply because our community is so profilic in writing them, but i had literally zero ideas. i swear to god, i went on an alternate universe generator site and cliked generate about a thousand times before i got this idea.

the non-text most difficult thing i did was enea's gifs because i used my phone and the app sucked majorly. 0/10 do not recommend that's the reason he's the only one i giffed and then simply reblogged repsol-ariel.

also, all the posts i took from tumblr, so reblogs and such, are actually from the blog with the username i wrote in the fic. in some cases their pfp is also the one of their blogs (this ended pretty soon tho because i was about to kill myself so i simply got random pictures on pinterest)

the easiest article to write was gogue's, even if it was the longest and more complex, because i'll be honest i'm really not made for dry sport journalism. I'm quite proud of it, actually. Describing him talking about Valentino was one of my favourite things, but also I loved the possibility to write glimps of his relationship with Alex.

also: i wrote vale's interview for skyITA after marc and bez's incident in italian and then translated it. i started writing it in english, but then i realized it wouldn't have worked, because i was thinking with the english sentence structure. So i thought: what could valentino say? and wrote it as if he was talking, pauses and not-ended sentences. then i took that and translated it the same way i do when i translate proper interviews or videos, changing the phrasing as little as possible. It was quite fun to do.

(also: cuntress-supreme's username was actually inspired by your username :)) )

[insidiousflame]

12/26/2022

The weekend was stressful, but everything went okay. The coffin got there, and then the door fell over on me during the performance, but chris picked it back up and i dont think it took much away. I havent actually watched the live footage out of fear I will cringe and hate it and feel embarassed, but it seemed a good amount of people enjoyed it and made lots of people cry for Stardust. One of them donated $500. I didn't sell as much merch as I may have hoped or anticipated, but I still sold enough to make a little profit. I'll have to set things up to sell online. I don't know if I'll ever do a performance like that again. In fact, I still haven't received much inspiration or motivation from it. Maybe a little a the time but once again I just feel....blah about it. I still feel a lacking. And all the stress just wasnt worth what happened. But the experience was of course still valuable in of itself. But not enough to keep going I think. I did some more thinking tonight; about what I want to do and focus on moving forward. I will still want to create songs I can call my own, but as for continuing on with trying to make profit and business off myself? I have zero motivation to do that. I don't want to. Perhaps I am a little depressed as of late, but... I just want to relax. I want to be happy and live without obligations. Without much expectations. Without the looming need to 'become' something. To 'make it' or find peak 'success'. But it's a weird concept. A bit scary too. To just let go of that dream. That vision. Because maybe it isn't for me anymore. Maybe the yearnings I had weren't quite what I thought they were or even how they would feel. Maybe I've done enough.

[thaleleah]

awee girl i'm so glad your mama raised you well and you're best friends with her! that makes my heart so happy 🩷 unfortunately a lot of moms side with their stepdad. idk if it's the out of validation they get from them or desperation (cause that's like my aunt). i'm sorry your step-shit has caused you to have trust issues with partners 😭 i promise you tho, it'll work out for you in the end 🩷

yep he fucked the maid too 😂 i'm 99% sure my dad is a sex addict or something, cause this is not normal behavior, to not be able to keep your dick in your pants and be faithful is a sickness!

speaking of my dad... my step mom and i had a big physical fight this weekend... so i bought this really expensive peanut butter from like a local store in a beach town, that's very organic and fresh, which is why it's more on the pricey side! so i got one for my dad as well cause he loves anything peanut butter. i visited him the other day and saw stepmonster eating it, which is fine, but she has been eating these bars for weight loss, and i just gave her a heads up "hey, that peanut butter is really high in oil, since you're eating those bars, mixing them together, it's going to make you gain weight again, just wanted to let you know, since you're trying to lose weight" - i was literally trying to help the bitch because she has been really trying to lose weight now and finally found a solution with those bars. you know what she did? she said "you know? life is much easier when you don't visit" - and tbh i lost it and threw the peanut butter at her 😂 (she has been throwing digs like this at me for 2 years now and i've never said anything so i broke this time) so she jumped from the couch and took off her slipper and started hitting me with it and calling me "worthless trash" - i fought back pulling her hair, trying to get the bitch off me. my dad thankfully pulled her off me and BITCHED her tf out and that she has no right ever lay a hand on his daughter, i was so happy that night because this man finally took my side 😂

tal you are too real with the threesome dream 😭 i actually had a dream last night of coryo and jack champion (not sure if you know him, he's from avatar and scream) anyway, he was as his character in scream, i have a crush on him too hehe! anyway, they were both chasing me in this very large, very abandoned, but luxurious looking mall. their both psychos so it was obviously really hot, but unfortunately... there was no smut, i wish there was 😭 good dreams like this always end up with zero sex or any physical touch even 😂 boooo 😭

after my stepmonster getting major shit from my dad i feel amazinggg!! awee tal 🩷 i'm sorry you're going through writers block. dw it'll pass soon, but i'll tell you something... when inspiration hits... it really hits with a BANG! i'm glad you're still writing a little at least. take it step by step, and don't be too hard on yourself, you'll get back up again, i promise 🩷

- 🍯🐝

Hi, babes!

It definitely is like that. She was struggling as a single mother and he made himself out to be her rock and I'm confident that if she wasn't desperate and he wasn't "conveniently" helpful that she could have seen through his bullshit long before she got too attached. At least I would hope so cause that man is not subtle with his red flags. But I hope you're right and it does work out cause this girl is lonelyyyyyy 😭

Honestly, he might be! Either way though, someone needs to take his dick away from him cause he's using it wayyyyyy too much. He doesn't need it anymore lol

Fuck your stepmom 🙄 You didn't even say anything wrong and even if maybe she didn't like your tone or how you said it, she had no right to say that shit to you. I would have lost my damn mind on her too. And to start hitting you with her slipper? Bitch, bye. NO. And it's about damn time your dad did something for you that wasn't making your life hell. I still don't like him though lol

Funny you should mention Avatar cause I actually write for that fandom too LMAOOO and yes! I loved him in Scream. He plays a great psychopath. And Ghostface is hot as fuck in general too lol. That sounds like an AMAZING dream though! I have a huge predator/prey kink and I want to be chased/hunted sooooo bad, especially by Coryo (and Jack Champion as Ghostface would be a bonus too lolll)

I'm glad you're feeling good, hun! Take that victory cause the bitch deserves the bitching that your dad gave her! I had a pretty decent writing day yesterday which was good. It wasn't a lot but it didn't feel forced so I'm pretty happy. I'm hopeful I can get more done today too! 🥰

[fedorahead]

I put CWs, but I'll add a foreward; this post deals with drugs (magic mushrooms), sexual trauma, childhood abuse, and some religion. It's also maybe the most candid thing I've written in a long time.

This past weekend was my husband's birthday. We had date night Friday, and we decided to lemon tek some APEs that we've had sitting around for a while. I was worried they'd lose their potency because we put zero serious effort into storing them correctly and it has been months. These ones had been fantastic the past few times we partook, and we'd only been doing small amounts (small for us is 1-3g typically, and I usually eat rather than lemon tek which is a mellower, longer experience).

It's been a while as I mentioned, so my tolerance was back to zero, so when I finished my cup of lemon earl grey and asked how much I'd just had, I got a little anxious when he said it was 3.5g. But I had already set my mind to enjoying the evening for his benefit, so I calmed myself and got ready for the ride.

We've got a year and a half of eating mushrooms together now, we started just before my 30th birthday. I'd had them once before and it was not a good experience (yay music festivals and mixing substances) and he had done a lot of exploring in his teen and early adult years, but it had been a while. I delved headlong into the studies of psychonautica and mycology, and discovered I have better retention for mycological facts in my adulthood than I did for spelling or debunked urban legends in childhood (absolute mastery of those subjects, as a kid anyway).

We went into the bedroom, because the most important discovery I've made about enjoying the ride is that oxytocin is the miracle chem that turns a mushroom high into a full sensory vacation; though in the ounces upon ounces I've consumed, even pushing 7g in an evening and timing my medications for maximum effect, I'd never reached that state that neurotypicals (and even other autists/ptsd cases) tell tales of. Cohesion has never been the name of my game.

Our sex life, I won't go into, but it involves a lot of discussion of concepts reserved for the privacy of just us- this is relevant, I'm not just bragging or baiting. We started to do our thing, intimacy, closeness, playing roles that weren't really divorced from reality, and I came into full swing.

The intrusive thoughts that plague me always, and especially during sexy funtimes, became more tangible and less repetitive or fleeting. I started crying, (which was perfectly appropriate and enjoyable for both parties).

Sooner than expected, the sun was rising, and I was living renewed. Two major understandings came to me: one, much subtler and less applicable to daily life; the other, a complete audit of my entire identity.

The first realization was a spiritual one. I've always been an atheist. I tried to believe in something, anything, but none of the proffered options gave me any sort of inspiration.

I've also always had inclinations towards believing in the essence, soul, maybe even consciousness of things around me. Toy Story spoke to me as a tiny kid, and when Pocahontas sang "every rock and tree and creature has a life, has a spirit, has a name", that resonated with me. Maybe it's cliché, or maybe there's an inherent respect for the world around us children understand that our society teaches us to ignore. Those movies were hits for a reason. Either way, especially since starting mushrooms but even before, I've felt tapped into something. My Buddhist studies have felt the closest to, well, not understanding it, but definitely vibing with it, whatever it is. And this weekend I connected the thing I do feel in some ways and some times with the stories other people have told of spiritual experiences. My brain is more inclined to see it as some sort of magic, and I've worried I've got schizophrenia many times for having some supernatural... not beliefs, but openness I suppose. It's always felt like a flaw, but I see now that it's just the thing all those other people have been going on about my whole life. They just layer all their tangible bullshit on top of it and make it so hard to see. And seeking whatever this is feels very very different to the assertion of seeking "answers" or some form of "explanation" regarding the nature of existence. Fictional media concepts like the warp, or the multiverse, or parallel dimensions (yes I know that's covered by the multiverse), higher and lower planes of existence, the threads that connect all things, even enlightenment; they're all referring to this place I've been going for a long time and I finally understand that now.

The second revelation, I've called it an epiphany, I've posted about incessantly since having it both here and on facebook.

Everything I use to define myself, every aspect of my personality I recognize and feel I know, is a result of, either by adherence to or rebellion from, a set of expectations that were forced upon me from birth. On one side of my family, there were the best of intentions, trying to encourage an educated, compassionate, caring, sensitive person. One with confidence and self-esteem, even though those were struggles for everyone guiding me. On the other, one person had control, and his expectations were not rules set out but reality presented in the form of facts and logical rants and arguments that begged their own questions. It was also a childhood of warnings, explanations, exposure to concepts far beyond a child's years. I was to be smart, quick-witted, fit, rational, completely sexually repressed, modest in clothing but not in academia, and entirely dependent. Mental illness wasn't an option, disability a choice I was to opt out of. I was taught cultural knowledge that was out of date by my birth let alone my tween years. The world around me had a lens of his perception. When I decided I would not be torn down for making my own life choices any more, I walked out of his house and stopped seeing him for years. While his mother and sister held control of me financially, they pressured me to "just go see him" and I refused. During that time, I worked very hard at unlearning the twisted life lessons he'd given me, the fundamental "truths" that were no such thing. When I was in my early 20s, I thought I had shaken his programming and rejoiced that I was no longer spewing ignorant bile at the expense of the people around me, that I had deprogrammed myself.

This weekend, I realized how much deeper it went. I don't share his views anymore, but I was still bound by a deeper programming. Realization after realization hit me in waves. Every formative memory holds a trauma that has defined me for 30+ years. Every deviance from the norm I have, I can track to his behaviours, his words, his intentions. Including the source of most difficult shame, my sexuality.

I'm still not comfortable talking about the specifics of things in my head. But I had not realized until this weekend that they weren't facets of my inherent self; he put them there. His warnings and admonitions, so early in my life, meant I knew what incest was before I knew what sex was. Meant I knew what repressed memories were before I understood trauma. I remember not believing him when he told me women didn't enjoy sex, because how could it be objectionable when I already wanted it so bad, so young? I considered myself precocious until recently; the warning signs had been there the whole time, but I assumed I'd become who I am naturally and wasn't like others who only developed early sexuality from relevant abuse.

I've known for years the things he had been accused of, and also been told by anyone that would answer that the situation was complicated, that he probably hadn't done anything, that it was a misunderstanding, that maybe the witness lied and that's why she didn't come back to court to testify. Nobody wanted me to understand how terrifying it would be to go up against him in court, a small woman tied to our families, part of the social circle, whose house I'm sure he had been to. A teenage girl trying to protect a toddler without protection for herself.

From my late teens onward, I considered the signs that I'd been molested to be signs that our mental healthcare system was so terrible I'd been traumatized by that. A false allegation can still land the kid in probing meetings with adults who want to get something out of them. I do think spending my entire childhood in therapy traumatized me. I also wish they'd told me the truth. That they weren't sending me "just in case, because he yells so much", that they saw that I was suffering symptoms of complex trauma even at age 2 and they wanted to intervene. Even if I hadn't understood it, what I was told gave me room to believe his side. I kept believing his side for so long, it become the lore I told myself and others.

I realized, I've been running my whole life, and I don't have a self to find. He made sure of that.

Wave after wave of connection and realization made our evening of drugs and sex complex and amazing and ultimately, freeing.

I don't have to hate my body. I don't have to struggle to find clothes that cover perfectly normal parts. I don't have to compensate with gender confusion, sexuality confusion, hating labels and trying to find one and feeling like it's incomplete anyway. I don't have to have a cool name.

I get to build a person, and that person doesn't have to be perfect or better than anyone else. I don't have to look down on people for circumstances beyond their control. I don't have to be a judgmental dick just because I was traumatized into being one.

And I can have sex whenever I want, with whomever I want, and it doesn't have to be the sole purpose of my life to find the emotional fulfillment and validation sex provides. That can just be a fun side quest I do with my husband regularly. You know, to grind those skill points up or whatever.

I have energy. I have accomplished so much this week. I even cleaned the fridge and pantry. I danced. I played with the dog. For the first time in my life, I am Hannah, I am present, and I am free.

[starlightxsvt]

The Tale Of A Coffee Shop

Pairing: Joshua x Female reader

Genre: Fluff, slight crack, bad attempt at romance, this is just bad

Warnings: Slight cursing

Word count: Idk, it's pretty long

8:35 am.

He should be here anytime. Your palms sweat, foot taps excitedly against the floor of the cafe. Though there's a lack of mirror, you try to smooth your hair with your hands, unnaturally cautious about your appearance.

"Calm down. It's not like he's gonna propose you or shit."

You turn to face your coworker who has a less than amused expression on her face. "Am I that obvious?"

"Duh. It's like written all over your face. Chill already y/n, he's just a man passing by. You don't even know his last name."

Your hopes shrink slightly though you are surprised at yourself. What are you actually hoping for? Him to ask you out? Your coworker is right, he's just a man passing by. Except, he's  regular customer who's insatiably handsome and makes you all jittery.

The said male is Joshua, an English professor at the popular university near the cafe. That's all you know about him. He happened to pass by your workplace one spring morning, looking for a quick jolt of caffeine to start the day and he's been visiting ever since. He visits the cafe 3 days a week, around 8:30 in the morning, ordering his usual plain latte.

After the first couple visits, you made small talk with him and all he offered was his name and profession. He always seemed to in a hurry or busy but he was always polite.

And the most handsome man you have ever seen. He had luscious black locks which were  somehow messy yet neatly arranged and touched the nape of his neck. His eyes always seemed to sparkle, hiding a galaxy of their own. High cheekbones, a perfect jawline, plump lips and to complete it all,an adams apple - he had it all.

His outfits were always neat and perfect, sometimes a trench coat covering a turtle neck, sometimes an unbuttoned blazer over a plain tee and of course, a wrist watch. Sometimes he'd wear glasses, big metal frames covering those eyes and those days you'd melt into a puddle on the inside. He looked so damn hot.

The bell at the door of the cafe chimes and your ears perk up, eyes moving to that direction.

He's here.

You try your best not to look like a love struck fool and offer a professional smile. "Welcome, sir."

"Hello, y/n. My usual please." comes his smooth voice and a polite smile.

"Yes sir, coming right up." You mutter, trying not pass out from the way he said your name while putting in his order.

He waits at the corner tapping away on his phone while his latte is prepared. Once it's done, you call his serial number, offering him his drink. "Your latte, sir."

"I've told you before, Joshua is fine."

You stare at him for a bit too long not understanding that he asked you to call him by his name. However, when you realize that, you are a blushing mess, unsure what to reply.

Joshua doesn't say anymore, only offers you a kind smile. And just like that, he's out the door, leaving you feeling warm all over.

"That was the most cringy thing I ever saw." Your co worker's voice brings you to reality. You roll your eyes and continue your work with a smile in your face.

✧

"You seriously need to stop thinking about that dude all the time." You friend says standing in front of you, crossing her arms.

"I do not think of him all the time." You say, ignoring her and squinting at the book in your hands.

"Then great. You are coming to the club with me tonight. I'll introduce you to some guys and I don't know... get you laid."

"Excuse me?"

"Okay okay, not get laid, just... Meet some guys you know, what's the harm in that? Do you wanna die virgin?"

"I-"

"Don't." She holds up her hands signaling you to stop. "You are coming. It's final. Thank me later when you find a hot dude."

✧

Hot dude my ass. You stare at the drink you got after getting away from your friends who were having too much fun getting drunk. You had almost zero alcohol tolerance and you knew that you had to stay sober to get them home safely.

As you had expected, none of the guys your friend introduced you to piqued your interest. You realized what a bad idea it was to come to the club rather than staying at home, curled up reading your favorite book. As the thrum of the music continued to blast through the club your thought only proved to be truer. But your friends wasn't leaving this place anything soon.

Damn you hated it here.

You realize someone sitting down on the barstool next to yours but don't look up, too busy tracing the edge of the glass in front of you with your fingers. It's until you move your head to take a swing of your drink that you take notice of the person beside you.

A small squeak leaves your mouth as you look at the man sitting beside you, thinking that the couple drinks you had got to you and started playing with your mind.

It was him. Joshua. The English professor.

You quickly cast your eyes back on your drink but then glance a peek at his direction just to make sure.

Of course it's him.

Joshua sits there, oblivious to his surroundings, eyes on his phone. Your heart races. What is he doing here? Did he notice you?

You swallow, trying to calm your beating heart. Why do I feel like this? Maybe he didn't even notice me, I'll just finish this drink and leave.

You take another tentative glance at him, who is still busy on his phone. His hair looks a little bit messier than usual and his face looks a bit tired. He has his jacket draped across his lap and the white tee shirt he's wearing gives you a nice view of his arms. You don't realize you are staring unabashedly until he speaks, "Penny for your thoughts?"

A squeak leaves you and you almost fall off the stool.

"You've staring for quite a while. What is on your mind?" he says, putting down his phone and turning towards you.

You let your head hang low as a wave of embarrassment washes over you. "I'm sorry," you whisper.

"No don't be. Funny meeting you here though."

You look up to meet his eyes and it feels like your heart has traveled to your throat as you try to come up with a reply. "Y-yeah."

"You don't seem to be enjoying yourself."

"I-... Yes, I'm not."

He chuckles softly and reaches for his drink as the bartender places it front of him.

"What brings you here?"

"Well, um, my friend wanted to introduce me to some guys so she dragged me here with her and none of the guys piqued my interest and I didn't like sitting with them so I'm here."

You really need to stop talking.

Another soft chuckle escapes him and he asks, "What kind of guys pique your interest then?"

You. You do.

"I... I'm not really thinking about dating right now, I'll graduate next month and I want to focus on finishing college and getting a good job." 

"I see. What is your major?" he asks.

And that leads to a rather long conversation between you and him,which you obviously didn't mind, about your major -literature- and what inspired you to study that and so on. Since the both of you studied the same subject you had a lot of common grounds to talk about.The conversation went on and you felt happier than ever. You really needed to thank your friend for dragging you here.

And just when you think that, you hear her voice, "Y/n!"

Oh shit.

She appears behind you, a drunk mess and rests her head on your shoulder garbling drunk nonsense. You realized it was time to go before she embarrassed both of you in front of Joshua. You stand up abruptly and give an awkward nod to Joshua to looks at the two of you with an amused expression.

As you drag your friends to their car, there's a tinge of disappointment that you couldn't be with him longer but also an excitement that fate had given you such a chance.

✧

Couple days later Joshua arrives earlier than his usual time at the cafe. You were clearing orders for the first few customers and when you look up hearing his voice, you swear you can die right there happily.

He wasn't in his usual look, rather a black shirt and a black shiny blazer hanging on his arm that matches his pants. His hair was neatly back brushed to one side but some locks managed to escape and you smell a hint of his cologne. You stared at him shamelessly, cheeks flushed.

"Y/n. Y/n?"

"Y-yes?"

"My usual, please."

"Oh, yes... of course."

You fumble, putting in his order and peeking glances at his direction. You knew you were acting like a deprived, shameless woman but you could care less. You don't know if he realized you were checking him out but even if he did, he didn't say anything.

As you hand him his order, he murmurs a thank you and asks, "When do you close?"

"Huh?"

"This cafe. When do you close it?"

"Oh, um, we take customers until about 10 pm. Then we clean up."

"I see. Thank you."

He turns around and leaves, a few heads turning towards him as he does so. You stand there, confused as to why he'd ask that.

"That was a goddamn piece of snack right there. " your co worker chirps as Joshua leaves the cafe.

"Seriously?" You raise a brow at her.

"It's fucking true. I mean look at him. He has heads turning around as he walks by."

You couldn't argue with that.

✧

It's almost 10:30 in the night and you are having quite a trouble cleaning up. It's the weekend night and there were more customers than usual, which was the thing you hated about working full-time during the weekends though the payment was good. You wipe the counter, sighing, your back muscles tired from a long day.

The bell at the door rings, slightly irritating you.

Service is over damn it.

The last person you expect, walks through the door. Your mouth hangs open and a small gasp leaves your co worker's mouth as you both stare at the person. It's Joshua.

"I'm sorry, sir, we're closed." You manage the words out.

"Could I maybe,  have a word with you?" He asks, ignoring what you said.

"Uh-um, sure. I- I just have some things to finish up." You stammer, your heart beating way too fast to your liking.

"Good. You don't mind if I sit, do you?"

"N-no, of course not."

You turn to face your co worker who stares at you with wide eyes.

"What the fuck is going on?" She whisper-yells.

"I have no idea!" You reply back.

You finish your work quickly, your heart hammering the whole time. Once you both are finished, your co worker starts to dress up, ready for home. She gives you a good lecture to lock up properly before taking off.

You stand behind the counter trying to even out  your breathes, eyeing Joshua who sits at the table by the window.

You swallow and free your hair from the ponytail, smooth it down and walk over to him.

"H-hey."

"Oh, hey." He looks up at you gesturing you to sit. You take a seat in front of him on the couch. He doesn't say anything but looks at you with a subtle smile.

"You look different," you blurt out, indicating his look.

"Oh yes, I had a meeting at the university."

"On the weekend?"

"Apparently, yes."

"So, uhm, why are you here?" You fidget rubbing your hands together, feeling nervous.

"I wanted to see you." He replies casually.

You almost choke on air.

"Last time we didn't get to finish our conversation and you seemed like an interesting person."

You flush, almost not believing your own years.

Joshua runs his hand through his hair then rests his hand under his chin, looking directly at you.

"I'll be honest with you, you've been on my mind a lot lately, Y/n."

You stare at him, mouth hanging open.

Did he just really say that?

A soft sound comes from outside and you both turn your heads to see it has started to rain outside.

"I want to date you, Y/n."

Holy-

You gasp and a nervous laughter escapes you. "I, um, I- uh..." You don't know what you are trying to say.

He laughs softly, "I know you have a thing for me. Your stares aren't that secretive, you know."

You blush furiously, looking down at your lap, "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's cute." He laughs.

You meet his eyes, trying to find out words to say.

"So what do you say?"

"I... mean, we barely know each other... "

"Isn't that why people date?"

"Yea, right."

"Am I making you uncomfortable?"

"No!" You gasp out, afraid that he'll leave. "I just, I don't know what to say."

Joshua offers you a  kind smile and to your surprise he stands up and sits beside you. He softly strokes your hair, his eyes on yours.

"I mean it, I want to date you."

You stare at his eyes, transfixed. The sparkles in his eyes, the fact that he was so close to you made your brain fizzy and heart skip beats.

He softly leans down, his eyes on your lips, "May I?"

Oh my god.

You nod without a delay and he captures your lips in a kiss. He tilts your neck gently cupping behind your ear. Your hands find purchase on the lapels of his jacket as you let him kiss you.

When you pull back, you feel like you are burning from embarrassment. The night is silent other than the sound of rain outside and you are scared that he can hear your heart beat.

"Did I convince you?" He asks tilting your head upwards.

"Yes." You whisper, feeling your insides warm up.

And without thinking much, you grasp his jacket and pull him in for another kiss. You can feel him smile against your lips and it only urges you to go on.

As the night proceeds you rest your head on his shoulder, intertwine your hands with his and watch the rain outside. You felt slightly overwhelmed with joy as you talked with Joshua about anything, your heart skipping beats every now and then. Maybe this is what it felt like to be in love.

You look at his face taking in the details as he softly talks about his favourite novels and such. You only hope you can look at his face and feel his warmth in the coming days.

A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first tumblr fiction so I'm sorry if it wasn't so good. I hope you continue to support my blog. Your comments are really appreciated! >< 💕

[kenmas-consoles]

Haikyuu Band AU

Singer! Akaashi x Reader

Akaashi was sat under a tree located a good few miles away from main campus, the boy had a guitar tucked under his arm and a worn out looking notebook and pen. Paper was scattered around him as he frustratedly crossed over what he had written down and scrapped the page right out of the book.

The dark haired boy sighed at the failed attempt to write song lyrics. He leaned against the tree and brought up his notebook and rested it on his face while his hands tapped a made up beat he’s been stuck working with for almost a month now on his guitar.

He was uninspired.

The boy had laid there motionless for half an hour, other students who were in the area just glanced over his figure with disinterest and assumed that the kid probably was either:

a. Dead

b. Wished he was dead

c. Really really drunk

All of which Akaashi believed to be a better option than to be creative blocked.

-

“I thought I’d find you here.”

At the sound of the voice, Akaashi tipped his head lower to allow the notebook to slide off his face, “Did you need anything from me Bokuto-san?”

"Nothing in particular, you seem to be working hard these past few days. I just wanted to see if you were well and alive. . . or drunk and dead like what the others keep saying."

Akaashi ignored the latter comment and said, "I wouldn't be if either you or Kuroo actually did any work for the band," with a sharp look. Bokuto put both his hands up in defense at the look their lead singer gave him.

"Well, Kuroo did in fact get some work done. . . He booked us a gig at next weekend and--

Akaashi rolled his eyes at the drummer's antics, except in the midst of doing so something had caught his attention as he felt a gust of wind pass him by. He turned to his left, feeling everything slow down, until it all came to a full stop. Except for this one girl, hair tied loose pigtails, ripped jeans in her pants, and a camera in hand. She was smiling ridiculously widely while instructing her companion to do various poses all in which she had acted out. She was weird but he felt naturally drawn in.

"--Hey, Hey, HEYYY, AGHAASSHII! Pay attention." Bokuto whines to the green eyed singer, mumbling how he was going to text Kuroo and ask him more details bout the gig and that he should do the same.

"Sorry, thought I saw something. . ." Akaashi muttered while shaking his head, moving his gaze away from the girl to the bi-colored hair male that sat next to him.

"It's okay as I was saying, Kuroo got us this gig at a club, yknow down town Tokyo? It's at 9pm don't be late. Also, Kenma got a deal with a corporate sponsor and Kuroo got us to perform for them at the end of June and that's in two months and apparently a lot of music sponsors and record labels are attending, so it could be our big break. Got it? Okay." Bokuto said all while patting himself down as he stood up from his spot. Bokuto then had winked at Akaashi, "Also, that girl's name is (Y/n), she's in the Arts Department, she's in the cheer team and we're the same Creative Writing Class."

Bokuto soon then left the boy who just continued to spend his whole afternoon and free period staring at the girl.

Ever since he saw her that one time by the hill, he's been seeing her a lot more. Be it by the school entrance, the lockers, or even the cafeteria, and it wasn't exactly a bad thing. He didn't exactly know much about the girl except for what Bokuto had already told him, he did ask around but that wasn't exactly getting him anywhere.

He had got the feeling you weren't exactly popular, or stood out much, he honestly didn't really expect it out of someone who is 'All that' as Bokuto put it, he even questioned if you were the same girl Bokuto knows.

'Not by a longshot' he had thought.

Although her face can be easily lost in a crowd, it was unmistakable.

That smile is unmistakable.

"She's all that, huh?" he quietly said to himself as he flipped open his notebook and quickly bit the cap out of his pen as he frivolously wrote down in his book.

'She's all that'

Tapping his pen and nodding his to the beat of the melody he's been working on. A lunch tray had placed itself across the table Akaashi had been occupying. The boy paid no mind to it as he was too absorbed in the sudden but not unwanted burst of inspiration to even take notice. The person had then cleared their throat to make their presence known, "Do you mind if I sit here? Everywhere else is full." the girl lied.

Akaashi stared a while before coughing to his fist mumbling an apology while gesturing towards the seat infront of him almost as if to say 'take a seat.'

Akaashi then pretended to pay no mind to the girl infront of him as he kept his head down and eyes locked on his notebook. The girl found it amusing and giggled a bit at this.

It was kind of an obvious lie as the cafeteria was barely even halfway full. The girl wasn't stupid or oblivious to his stares or his attempt to find out more about her as she'd seen him question a few people from her department. She was just as curious and intrigued of him as he was of her.

"What are you working on?"

The question kind of threw him off guard as he accidentally knocked over his pen, "I-uh, It's a song." he replied briefly making eye contact before looking down again.

"I take it you're part of a band then?"

"I-, yes actually."

"Cool."

"Would you like to-uhm yknow watch a gig sometime?"

"Yeah, thatd be great."

Akaashi and (Y/n) locked eyes at that moment, and in that moment it felt like they've known nothing more but each other and that was the start of their weird friendship.

Akaashi had invited her to their show that weekend to which he found out was (Y/n)'s first time watching a gig and he's been taking her out every weekend to watch their shows. They've grown significantly closer the past month and he was slowly seeing nothing else but her. She was intoxicating and he was sure that the feeling he had for her was something more. Maybe he was beeing hasty in calling this feeling love but, he didn't know, all he did know was that he had infact already written a song abour her, one that he wanted her so badly to hear.

"I guess I'll see you tomorrow Akaashi." (Y/n) said, turning and walking away.

"W-wait!" Akaashi yelled, cursing himself for stuttering, "I was wondering if. . . you would want to come to see me perform this Friday? The square, Tokyo, 10pm. Sound good?"

The girl tried to put on a straight face but couldn't help but bite back a smile. "We'll see, good night Akaashi." She said turning around to leave. Akaashi had silently cheered himself and fistpumped as he himself turned around to walk home.

★彡★彡★彡

It's 10:17 and you weren't here yet, and it made Akaashi much more anxious.

"You sure she's coming?" Bokuto teased, "Ofcourse she would, she'd get shit from your fanclub if she didn't."

"Shut up, I do not have a fanclub."

Kuroo made his way towards the two while plugging uo his bass. He whistled, "Full house out there." Akaashi then peered his head at the crowd of jamming teens and corporate sponsors. A girl comes out from the curtains, motioning that they should get on stage now.

Akaashi sighed, he closed his eyes as the music started and Bokuto clapping his drum sticks.

I'm in love with the Geek, the freak, the girl that never wins, so what, so what

He grabbed the mic and held it towards his lips as he got into the music.

I'm in love with the weird, the wild, her rip jeans in her pants, so what so what

He closed his eyes for a second, zeroing in on the beat of music, the vibrations of the cheering crowd and the sound of the bass. He opens his eyes allowing them to fleet over the faces in the crowd. They soon drift to a stop, seeing a familiar face he's been wanting to see since he first got here.

(Y/n).

She's doesn't listen to the radio, but she sings along at all my shows

I'm in love with the Geek, the freak, the girl that never wins, so what, so what

He had caught her gaze and now he was searing with confidence as he jumped to the beat of his music and took the mic out of it's stand.

So what if she's no beauty queen, or the captain of the winning team

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time

So what if she's not popular, never made it as head cheer leader

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time (She's all that)

Akaashi had smiled causing her to give a smile of her own as he sang, he took note of how she nods her head to the beat of the music. He then points to her winking then smirking. 'It almost feels like he was singing to her' She had thought as her heartbeat suddenly picked up it's pace.

We could live happily ever after

All the girls in the world don't matter

She's the one, she's the one I'm after

So what if she's no beauty queen, or the captain of the winning team

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time

So what if she's not popular, never made it as head cheer leader

She's on the side lines living her own life and having a good time (She's all that)

Oh yeah, She's all that, Oh yeah

The song ends, Akaashi was sweating and breathing heavily, his grip on the mic hadn't loosened a bit. He was lost in the cheers of the crowd as it slowly made his ears numb. A sharp blaring sound is the only thing that he could hear as he continued to take uneven breathes. The numbness of his ears had faded upon seeing your face in the crowd again. He didn't want to lose you as he kept an eye on your figure. Kuroo and Bokuto had nudged him to take a bow along with them and once he did your figure looked like it was never there.

"Great performance out there."

"The song was lit."

As the grouo left the stage they were flooded with compliments, Kuroo had made his way to talk to a few girls whereas Bokuto's whereabouts are currently unkown. A finger had tapped Akaashi's shoulder, he turns around to fund you smiling that ridiculous smile of yours that forever had him captivated.

"You were great out there," the girl beamed.

"I guess. . . I-(y/n), I. . ." he hesitated, "I wrote that song about you and I-"

"I know."

Akaashi had never felt more horrified in his life, you on the other hand just continued on smiling as a solid blush crept it's way on hour face all the way to your neck.

"H-huh? Wait-I-what?"

"Bokuto told me," (Y/n) said as she craned her head to look over at the built male who was on the other side of the room, he had sent a flirtatous wink towards Akaashi.

"It was really sweet, I'm touched," she said while taking taking a step closer with each word, "but you wanna know something interesting? Akaashi Keiji is no longer a Stray."

"What do you mean?"

"Because, Akaash Keiji is mine now." she says leaning ever more closely, angling her her face and soon he could feel her breath fan against hos skin he then slowly closing the gap between them.

[witch-hazel-grey]

So this year was the first year I've actually made any effort to be an artist -one that makes money from art. Maybe not maximum, dig deep, nothing-but-art-eat-and-sleep effort, but more than zero effort. I've been collecting inspiration from other artists with similar subjects, I signed up for the Society of Children's Book Authors and looked at other illustrator's work to study what I'm doing right/what I need to work on, I've been looking into product sites like Society 6 and Redbubble, I've been trying to at least draw every day, and I've made a substantial list for potential things...

And now, idk. I don't think I'm burnt out on art. I want to do creative things all the time, but I also recently moved to a new state, and getting settled is taking more time and effort than I thought it would; I got a new job which I don't hate, and has really good hours, but the pay is not great so I'm having to work to learn a lot so I can earn more and actually pay some bills, and I'm trying to shed off the weight I gained during the HIGH STRESS of my last job, and maybe I'm just stretching myself too thin? Maybe I have too many goals. But I'm afraid if I tell myself it's okay to put down my artistic aspirations for now I won't pick them up again.

It's so easy for me to look at things that are supposed to be inspiring, but think instead that I'll never be that good. That I'll never actually do anything with art or writing. That that effort will never go anywhere and it's a waste of effort I could be using to get/work at a better paying job, and accomplish "real world" aspirations like own a house, or go to a doctor more often than just for life-threatening issues, or have all my "luxury bones". And maybe having money would make me happier (spoiler: yes, it would as I am currently VERY broke all the time; it's very stressful), but how would knowing I tried to achieve a life-long dream and quit so quickly make me feel?

I think, sometimes, that maybe having a full time job, again, might not make as big an impact as I worry it would -I did some of my best paintings working at my last job- but could I still pursue being an illustrator, or would I just paint cute things over the weekend? I had more fun just painting over the weekend. And I didn't criticize my artwork nearly as harshly... But would I'm not doing great at my current job, and don't know how I'd do in a higher stress one with more scrutiny. Plus, now people have expectations of me. People I care about believe in me (and my coworker at work seems to really like me being there) and I'd feel very guilty to quit.

But I just feel like I'm not getting anywhere. I'm in my fantasy worlds in my head SO much of the time. My ADHD has been really bad, presumably because I have 50 things to worry about at all times. It's hard for me to focus on anything real; my brain wants to be far away from all the real.

Everyone keeps telling me to stay where I am, that they support me, and I feel like, by wanting to do anything different, I'm struggling against the tightly clasped arms of a loving hug.

I don't know what to do. I feel like an idiot, and that any decision I make will be wrong. There is no right decision, here, and I am so stressed out, and I really do need to go to a doctor since apparently I have a danger gene, and my cats need checkups, and my car needs... too many things, and my credit is so, sooo bad.

I really don't know what to do... But I don't think anyone here will read this. I'm not adding tags since the only thing I think would be accurate would be like "privileged whining of a wannabe artist" or something. Ideally, I'll just stop wanting anything and be happy haha. Or get fired for being so easily distracted and day-dreamy, and then I'll HAVE to find a new job, and things will work themselves out. Or, considerably less likely, but maximum idealism, a very rich, eccentric stranger will somehow see my art and say "I MUST have this painting of a giant mushroom village! Here is 2 million dollars" hahaha

But I'm sure things will work out somehow... hopefully.

[clumsyclifford]

i'll ask u so much u'll regret reblogging that ask game: 2, 3, 4 for neon weekend, 8 for brazil fic (ABSOLUTELY use this as an excuse to talk about brazil...), 3 and 13 for baby driver, and 2 and 8 for accapella au xoxo, arbor day/iba/muke whoever the fuck I am

oh my god okay this got lengthy so im putting a cut but just know that i honestly love you for this

also:

ask me about any of my fics!!

more than just a neon weekend

2: What scene did you first put down? the very first one!! weirdly enough i wrote the first scene first but then almost the whole rest of the fic was written out of order which i really don’t make a habit of doing so if its choppy thatll be the reason why

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? everyone basically mentioned this line in comments n stuff about the fic which i was really chuffed about because i actually put Thought into it but anyway:

He’s tempted to say something, weighed too heavily down by the silence in the room, the glare of the strip lights around the walls of this hotel, too. But there’s nothing Luke could possibly say that wouldn’t ruin this; even goodnight feels out of place. So he breathes out, exhaling the last of the strain from his chest, and shifts Calum closer to him. They fall asleep like that, exceedingly warm, deceptively well-matched, puzzle pieces stolen from different puzzles.

before u even get to the puzzle pieces line you have the part about how there’s nothing luke could say that wouldnt ruin it, not even goodnight, and i really like that too, but then u get to this metaphor that i honestly think i was possessed when i wrote it because it really is exactly the feeling i wanted to create? things that do fit together but for all intents and purposes shouldn’t fit together. very proud of that one im not going to lie. im also gonna toss in this one:

"I slept with someone I shouldn't have," he admits, pink-cheeked just thinking about it. Ashton either isn't surprised or does a good job hiding it; Luke thinks maybe he should be offended by that.

cos of luke being like well i slept w someone i shouldnt have and ashton having ZERO reaction and luke being like......you could at least PRETEND to be surprised GKJDFKGJDSF ALSOOOOO oh god im really proud of a lot of lines in this arent i well these two are from the same scene so im putting them together as one

Calum breathes out, exhaling the smoke into the air, and Luke wonders how he became the kind of person who romanticized smoking, even though he knows the answer is standing just before him, slumped against the brick. 

[...] Luke wonders if he’d breathe easier filling his lungs with smoke; surely even that must be better than filling them with nothing at all. 

really not a fan of smoking and dont like when it gets super romanticized in stories but the truth is that when u fancy someone ur gonna romanticize what they do but i still felt like i needed to acknowledge that its not the kind of thing i normally WOULD romanticize so put luke’s lil comment there as a disclaimer of sorts

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue? aha i actually have an answer!

Luke’s nerves are all on fire; he tilts his head back against the wall, baring his throat, and Calum leans in and whispers, “It’s just sex, Luke. Means nothing to me if it’s nothing to you.”

gets repeated a lot of times throughout the fic because i dont really know why tbh i just like how its constructed and........yeah

brazil fic

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it? WELL!! real EVENTS? yes actually the world cup of 2014 inspired it in part even though lets not tell tales here most of the inspiration was me going god im dying to write a fic about brazil how can i justify this. once i figure out how to justify writing a jewish fic its over for you bitches ANYWAY. the events in the fic itself arent really inspired by events in my life since as previously mentioned Nothing Ever Happens To Me but. there are THINGS in the fics taken from my life. for example like i said the grocery store, Zona Sul, is the grocery store my family went to. and the pizza place they go to, Vezpa? BEST pizza ever been there so many times. also i did mention this already as well but the line about the sunset melting into all these different colors is straight from my memory of watching the sunset one time. and obviously every single word in portuguese.....banheiro was one of the first ones i knew (obviously, crucial word). i liked having calum (who’d been to brazil before) and ashton (who was very enthusiastic abt it) in the fics to use as kind of vehicles for my own like.....LOOK WHAT I KNOW ABOUT BRAZIL compulsion like for example when calum points out dois irmãos i was like theres no reason michael would know that but i know that and i want to share it. sugarloaf, for the record, is called pão de açucár (literally means sugarloaf) but i felt like having calum know that was maybe overkill lol. also fun fact when i lived there i lived right next to the smaller mountain of dois irmãos we had a lovely view SO yeah you got me rambling about brazil i dont even know if i answered the question lets move on

baby driver fic

3: What’s your favorite line of narration? okay im just scrollin thru the fic so ill probably stumble across a couple others but this is one of my absolute favorites

“Am I living it right?” Calum asks, in time with John Mayer, although he knows he isn’t.

cant really explain why i just really really love how it ties the music calum listens to with his place in the world and how his music really reflects his thoughts and moods and is like such a lens through which he views the world

13: What music did you listen to, if any, to get in the mood for writing this story? Or if you didn’t listen to anything, what do you think readers should listen to to accompany us while reading? WHAT A QUESTION well interestingly enough i dont typically listen to music while writing fic but i did a lot of musical research for this one so i could get a vast enough array of songs meaning i was listening to a lot of music while writing but what should READERS listen to?? well i am SO glad you asked iba because the answer is this handy playlist i made with all of the songs that get referenced in the fic!!! i have to say even separate from the fic itself this playlist is fucking GOOD like the range......the emotion.........yeah if u listen in order u may ascend fair warning

acappella au fic

2: What scene did you first put down? the first one, probably. first fic i ever wrote for the fandom!! but it was some time ago and i honestly don’t like, Remember, but i typically write in chronological order so i assume i just started from the beginning

8: Did any real people or events inspire any part of it? oh my god SO many. the entire first bass acappella group is HEAVILY based on the all-male acappella group at my school. the songs they say they perform are stolen from that group. ALSO, in MY acappella group i sing bass (mine’s all-female so u know), so all of those references are from me. the pizza place that’s open til 2am? straight from my campus. the acappella showcase at the very beginning, up to and including calum’s reaction to it, are all straight from my life. the chaotic group chat is largely inspired by the one my acappella group has together w the all-male group. the performance in the student center. literally the scene where calum gets drunk and then has to go sit outside on the front stoop even though it’s drizzling? direct from my first experience drinking. and the scene with michael walking calum home and then they kiss and then it’s really awkward?? took it from something that happened to my friend. that entire fic is just things from my life. it is embarrassingly projected