#I'll get my grades in early so i can let myself enjoy the rest of the summer

[choking-on-roses]

My goal was to grade 10 papers today. I really really reeeeaaaallyyyyy didn't want to and had to fight tooth and nail through the executive dysfunction. I clawed my way through at a pace of one essay per hour. I hated it, but I did it!

It's not even the fact that I reached my goal that made me happy (it was arbitrary). It's the fact that I'm even capable of getting through difficult things I don't want to do at all. I have been working on my self-discipline and focus for years and I'm very proud of myself for how far I've come.

[voidbeau]

I've been thinking about this a lot and have ranted to a friend to varying degrees about it every once in a while since early this year.

On one hand, I don't want to sound ungrateful when I talk about this, but...

I feel like being in a fandom has ruined me.

Or to put it better, I've let it ruin me.

And to clarify, I don't blame individuals of a fandom.

Nor do I really blame the idea of fandom itself the more I think about it.

It is most definitely a me thing, but being in a fandon has definitely helped to shed some light on some upsetting things about my brain.

Being in an environment where you get to share ideas and art about your favorite media- Something that's supposed to be for fun and to find community with others who share your interest!

For me, it's been a huge motivator for getting back into my art- which I believe I've mentioned before.

Up until the twomp Fandom, I've had lots of difficulties staying inspired and motivated to keep doing art regardless of how much I wanted to do it.

So finding a reason to do it again has been great!

I've been able to make pretty good improvements in my art abilities which is really nice!

But on the other end of things, I've lost the ability to just appreciate things the way I could if I was just an outsider looking in?

And I hate it because for whatever reason, my anxiety looks at fandom art as competition rather than something a fellow [insert interest] enjoyer put out for me to enjoy along with the rest of fandom.

I hate that mindset so much.

I don't want fandom to be a competition.

I don't think fandom should be a competition.

Inspiration to improve is one thing, but there's something very wrong if you're feeling a sense of threat in some way??? Like hello??? Are you okay???

It's ridiculous!

But anxiety likes to tell me I need to constantly be creating and making sure it's "original" or "unique" or else my value as a "creator" is worth nothing.

Which, again, is also ridiculous, because I'm not out here trying to "become something", I just want to have fun sharing my dumbass AUs and headcannons cause I want to have fun with the characters and the world I fell in love with!

But it doesn't stop the rancid pattern of thinking.

No matter how many breaks I take, I can come back feeling refreshed but the grasping hands of anxiety and shaky self worth tell me I need to constantly be working to maintain a semblance of value.

I need to work to "keep my place".

And that's dumb.

A fandom is a little neighborhood where everyone has their own little house and their own little garden tucked safely behind their own little white picket fence.

We're not being lined up and graded like slabs of beef.

I'm so tired man. I just want to have fun, but as time goes on I feel like the only solution to this issue is to leave the Fandom environment entirely.

Like No Face from Spirited Away.

But if I lose the "pressure" of needing to create art than I'm scared i'll fall back into not being able to create at all again.

I dont want to lose what I feel like I only just got back.

🫠

It feels super embarrassing to be struggling with these kinds of thoughts personally.

Cause it's like, "bro, who tf you think you are???"

There's so much of it that feels self centered, like it's all about me.

I need to be the best, I need to have coolest art and the best ideas!!!

I don't think that at all, granted. But it feels that way sometimes.

I don't like the idea of comparing myself to others. I don't think anyone should be doing that.

Comparison is the joy killer!!!

I much prefer the variety that a fandom brings to the table.

Each individual with an individual take on a world and its characters.

Everyone is so creative it's really Cool!!

I think it's fun to read and to see people bring that to life!

But I can't fully enjoy it like I want to cause the thoughts always be like,

"Why can't you be like that, huh?

You could be doing something with your time right now, you could be working in that idea you were thinking of.

You could be finishing that drawing you started.

What about that other thing you said you were going to do, huh?"

And if I get working on something, it's still not good enough,

"No! Not like that! Your art style is DISGUSTING. Throw that one away!

No No, any readers who stumble on this will never enjoy this. It's awkward and stilted.

Take it again or leave it!"

Like bro please, give a bug a break. I'm trying. 😰

[skinni-girls-eat-books]

Thursday November 9th

6am Woke up really well rested! Good!

Got sad when I saw I didn't have any messages overnight. CBT: This is your anxiety plugging emotions into nothing. Nothing has transpired, there's no real reason to feel anxiety, the anxiety is only coming from inside you.

Why hasn't he texted you? He's sleeping and he's a POS you don't need that controlling your energy. You can't control what he does. Reclaim your energy.

What am I thankful for this morning?

- nights rest, stretches, soft blankets, cool fan, and the fact that I have no hw due tonight! Think about that! ❤️

630am I should buy another candle for the bathroom for my showers lol don't know why the last one went so quick

7am tumblr can be a really nice positive space, it's like the only positive social media like that's kinda insane.

8am about to get ready for class, I can't stop thinking about him. I would like to try to not text him today just to see what happens really. I'm afraid he won't notice or not care and just not text me either. Maybe that's what I need. Whatever this is, is clearly not working. Got to leave early enough to get a coffee bc maybe that will distract me. Drink for lunch too, I'm tired of gorging myself and wasting money on food. Just breathe oh yeah I'm going to take a benadryl and maybe that will help with anxiety.

830am I want to text him so bad but I really shouldn't lol. He doesn't care enough to change. I won't say he doesn't care at all, but he doesn't care enough for me to keep doing this. I got an iced coffee and an egg McMuffin :)

11am Daydreaming about traveling over the break. I need to be realistic tho. I know I am able to take off on a flight somewhere but let's be real I probably won't have the time off and money to do something like that. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't want another Disney scenario where I just go completely broke on one adventure, I'd rather do day trips, maybe an overnight if that even sounds like a good idea. I like sleeping in my own bed unless it's for a really good reason tbh. I want to focus on things around here that I don't typically have availability or mental capacity to do. I know I'll have fun regardless. Maybe even do the plasma thing some afternoons or mornings really to fund the adventures I'll have on my true off days. Just thoughts :)

1130am I passed my HIV patient counseling! It says satisfactory in the gradebook! For some reason I can't see my rubric so I started to panic and doubt myself, but now I know I'm not the only one who can't see their rubric, so I'm sure that part is a fluke/ irrelevant :) just breathe and enjoy the passing grades ❤️ if something is wrong, someone will let you know ❤️

12pm lunchtime! I'm getting curry chicken. Journaling is actually helping a lot and made me realize how intrusive and repetitive my thoughts are when I don't write them down. It's like I need a little vent port for these thoughts to fly out of my brain like steam out of a boiling pot of water. Crazy tbh lol.

1pm Ate lunch outside with some friends and it felt great!!

3pm lol I zoned out during the whole Verbal Defense (not mine!) But then he texted me good afternoon so I sent him a picture of my sweet tea, nothing crazy. I won't let him control my evening. I just wonder what is his motive lol. During class I was looking up free and cheap things to do and it's funny how a little googling can come up with a thousand things to do! So much fun to be had in the world :)

4pm he got me looking at my phone for a text back bitch guess what I'm taking a nap just like I planned lmao I'm not waiting around to talk to you wtf. Call me like I asked you to if you wanna talk, I hate this texting shit and he knows that. What am I a high schooler? Texting bs got you into this mess in the first place dumbass. I'm eating a cupcake and taking a nap.

6pm I have woke up from my nap. No messages lol I guess he just wanted to see if I was alive?? Don't know don't care. Nap was ok, cats kept waking me up or micro waking me up I think but that's ok too :) - There's really only one week left of this bullshit I am so proud of myself ❤️ I actually love the idea of NOT burning myself out the last week so that when I leave school I don't necessarily NEED to do that hibernating thing where I feel like shit for 4-5 days afterwards. I'd like to exit my verbal defense maybe take a nap just like I did today to refresh and then shit take myself out for a nice dinner and get dressed up. Instead of getting drunk and passing out, I can do that most other nights after a closing shift 🤣 I want to start my vacay right away with no need to "recover" in such a drastic manner. Let's see if we can make that happen :) I think that also includes NOT avoiding fun things the next week, bc I always avoid fun stuff when I'm stressed as if I'm going to jinx myself, but I think I'm ready to break that curse of "all work and no play." We shall see ;)

9pm A little tipsy but I'm getting my work done :)

11pm I keep wanting to text him because I'm in a GOOD MOOD but when he doesn't reply it puts me in a bad mood....... So solution is simply DON'T TEXT HIM AND ENJOY YOUR GOOD MOOD QUEEN 😂 he's stupid for leaving and he's missing out on this drunken chill fest tbh and one day, I'll have a fuck ton of friends I've acquired through the years of being myself that I can randomly snap my thoughts to and they'll actually reply and care 😂

12am I know I texted him some dumb shit but idc I still feel good and I love journaling and Tumblr. Getting tacos again for dinner bc JFC I did a LOT of dumb shit work today. He's such a loser he can't do shit by himself not even get a taco 🤣 tbh one day I feel like you'll find someone who's gone through what you've gone through and you'll have so much in common and everything will just be EASY. Yeah I'm fucked but I'm not the only one going through this so I know I have an army of ppl out in the world who would have my back in a heartbeat and THAT'S what matters and what keeps me going fr.

1245am What a weird day. I want to keep journaling so bad I think it'll help me alottttt. I texted him a little but it's like it doesn't matter as much as it did previously lol. It's different now. Let's keep it up :)

[lychee-drinks]

Sweet Desires // Present Mic/Hizashi Yamada x Female! Reader (NSFW)

Word Count: 3.1k

Tags: Teacher/teacher assistant, choking, hair pulling, smut, dirty talk, cussing

Summary: You are a college student and to graduate you are Hizashi’s assistant. You guys are close, but he tells you to stop seeing him because he’s fallen in love and he feels weird about being with you. You convince him to then go on one date...

A/N: Well well well, this is what i’ve been working on these past few days so enjoy. Just note that this is my second time writing smut and I’m sorry if this is too long 👈👉. Also if you want to support me, https://ko-fi.com/tea999

You weren't a hero, but you were majoring in hero studies hopefully to support famous heroes. As part of your pathway to getting your degree, you had to volunteer and work with heroes/students in high school to become heroes. Thanks to your school, you were able to become a teacher assistant at U.A. Academy under pro hero Present Mic.

He was a friendly teacher, one with high energy in the early morning and was always encouraging you. Hizashi didn't know what it was like to be apart of hero support, but often asked you about school. He treated you like a friend, often during break time he'd drive you out to get you food. Sometimes, you guys would even hang out outside of school, he'd just invite you to a restaurant or just hang out. Your guy's personalities matched each other so it was no surprise that you guys clicked instantly.

You walked into the teacher's lounge, today the students having class, but the teachers were and so you came by to help him out once more. Hizashi didn't notice you at first, he sat at his desk not wearing his normal costume.

No matter how many times you told yourself you couldn't fall for this man, it happened and you suppressed it. Outside of school when you guys would hang out, you always found yourself flirting with him and he would do so back. Going out shopping to places, sometimes you guys would accidentally hold hands for too long. Hizashi's high energy always motivated you and you liked that.

"Hello Present Mic, I've come by today to help you out," You cheered as you sat yourself next to him.

"Heyy, thank you for coming today, it means a lot to me," He smiled with a less cheerful demeanor as usual. You noticed, but you didn't bother asking him what was up. "Can you help me with grading the kid's work today?"

"Yes sir," You smiled and got straight to work.

For the next few hours you helped him out with things he needed to get done, more like a student assistant rather than a student teacher afterall. Today he was more silent, it was strange, but you decided not to ask him.

Later came lunch, Hizashi stood up to take a stretch break. As he lifted his arms up, his shirt came up along with it and you couldn't help but find yourself blushing at the sight of his exposed stomach.

"(Y/N), come with me outside and let's take a break," He smiled. You got up and followed him. Outside in the hall ways, there were some of his students.

"Good afternoon Present Mic!!!" A boy with red hair waved from the group. Hizashi waved back.

You guys sat outside on a bench next to a vending machine. He bought you a can of coffee and you accepted. He on the other hand had a bottle of soda instead.

"What's upwith not wearing the hero attire? Usually you'd always be in costume at school," You asked him as you took a sip out of your can.

"Just not feeling it today, it feels great to be in normal attire," He laughed as he took another stretch standing up. Hizashi stopped and turned to you with a soft expression. You and him made eye contact for a bit and then he spoke up, "How many more hours do you need to be a student teacher?"

'Why is he asking me that?' You thought to yourself. "Just around 8 more hours, why's that?" You asked him.

"I can fake documents and make it look like you completed your hours, you don't need to keep coming to U.A. anymore," He sighed as he took a big drink from his soda.

You stared at him, a bit shocked. Did he not want to see you anymore? Maybe he sympathized that you were a tired college student who wanted to get things done as soon as you can, but you enjoyed being his student assistant. You wouldn't thought he would want you to be under him much longer, but maybe that wasn't the case.

"Why's that? I know I have school to focus on, but I actually enjoy spending time here at U.A," You said to him. He glanced at you and let out a small chuckle.

"I'll be honest, I started liking you," He announced. Hizashi didn't make much eye contact with you, but you could tell he was blushing. Your heart was pounding, he liked you. "I'm sorry if I creeped you out, I don't think I can continue seeing you."

He liked you. Colors of love and disappointment flashed around you and your cheeks went red. How were you supposed to react when the person you had to suppress your feelings for is confessing their feelings to you and trying to cut you out of their life? Hizashi stood there waiting a bit for your response, but it seemed like he wanted to go back. You grabbed his hand.

"I can't leave yet, I love the students here, I love the staff and I like being around you," You stuttered a bit. Your feelings of flattery overwrote feelings of sadness. You still held on to his hand, which felt warm.

He turned back and let your hand go. "I like you so much, but I feel like I'm going to fall too hard for you."

If you let him go back, then you would lose your chance to be with him. You were still stunned, but you made up your mind. Hizashi was starting to walk back and you grabbed him from behind and you pressed your lips onto his.

Hizashi was shocked, but gave in and kissed you back. The kiss was passionate and felt like heaven. Hizashi had his hand stroking your hair. Thankfully, nobody was around to witness the kiss get more intimate, and then he pushed you away.

"I cant, I'm like a teacher to you," He said as he covered his face to blush. It didn't seem like he would budge and so you came with a compromise.

"One date, are you going to tell me that is hanging outside of school was necessary," You said to him with your one finger up. Hizashi didn't say anything back, but he still looked hesitant to respond. "I don't know how to process everything you've told me, I'm getting 'fired' and you also like me. My heart is pounding hard and I just like being around you so much."

You were being like a clueless high school teenager in love confessing your side to him and he laughed at that. "I can't help it that I fell for you, but I don't know if I can pursue anything with you. There's the whole stigma around someone like me and you getting together and I've also got myself busy with being a hero and teaching."

"I... can't help you with that, but I think we should give it a try," You said back. He blushed and turned around.

"You're a persistant one, we'll go on one date then," Hizashi said changing his mind easily. He softly hit his can of soda on your head. Part of him was telling him not to go along with the date so easily, but most of him liked you enough to want to hang out and pursue you.

The day came for your date with Hizashi, your date was going to be just exploring the city, shopping and eating. You were nervous, but you were also excited too.

'Will this date be just like how we normally hang out or much more?' You questioned to yourself.

You made it to the city before he did, and stood in front of a stationary store. Hizashi came by around 10 minutes later in his casual clothes. You rarely saw him wear his casual clothes, but when you did he always looked way more attractive. Hizashi had his hair down in a half up bun and wore glasses you never really saw him wear much.

"HEYYYYYYYYY," Hizashi exclaimed and you waved back to him. "Did you wait too long for me?" He asked as he grabbed your hand. You couldn't help, but blush at him holding your hand.

"Not at all, let's go!!"

For the first part of your date, you guys went around the stores, looking at clothes, going to bookstores, or looking at electronics. He didn't let go of your hand the entire time and you liked that.

"OK, so what do you think of this!!" Hizashi smiled as he put on a funny hat to entertain you. You laughed at him and he laughed back.

"That looks terrible on you, but I'll add a bonus for looking so fine," You smirked.

"Aha you're too kind."

You guys continued to explore, at one point buying food from a bakery. While you were eating a croissant, he suddenly came up and took a bite leaving you mad, but in a cute way. He was a big tease. Messing around with you, and turning things romantic.

While taking a break and resting on a bench, he went off to the bathroom and you were thinking.

'Even if he doesn't want to see me anymore, I hope we remain friends somehow,' You thought to yourself and he came back. This time, he had drinks in his hand.

"Got you drinks!!" He yelled. Hizashi ran up to you and sat himself down. He handed you a bottle of water and watched as you opened it up and take a sip.

"Are you enjoying this date?" You asked him wanting to get his opinion.

"It's been great," Hizashi admitted. That was something you could get out of him.

"You know after today, I think I can say I want to see you more," You told him. Even if the other day you were unsure how to feel, after today you enjoyed being around him and wanted to bring things further.

"I don't know, while I really enjoyed today and enjoy being with you, it feels wrong," He said. Your volunteering didn't matter anymore, you didn't want to cut him off.

"But I don't think it's wrong, you talk things out like I'm a high schooler when I'm not. Maybe you have other reasons, but I don't want to lose you as my friend too."

Hizashi didn't respond and sat there next to you in silence. It seems like he wasn't going to budge so maybe that mean the date was over. He probably had more reasons to not want to see you anymore, and you had no choice to respect that. Hizashi stood up and you expected that he was going to leave, but he didn't.

"Do you want to come to my place? I've got funny movies to watch and I think that would be a great way to end the date," He smiled. What a way to change you mood. You agreed to it and the two of you left the city to go to his place.

You entered his apartment, it wasn't big, but it was enough for one person to live in. It was a bit messy, but it wasn't that bad. He had empty bottles on his counter and papers unorganized on his table. You took your jacket off and left it on the couch.

"Sorry about the mess, but make yourself at home."

You sat yourself down on the couch in front of the T.V. It took a bit for him to join you, but he offered you a can of beer. You accepted and you guys watched anything you guys found. Hizashi was fun to watch movies with, for the first 20 minutes it was uncomfortable, but then things got comfortable fast. His laugh was enough to get you to start laughing too and his commentary was entertaining. Sometimes he'd jump up and imitate the actors and you would laugh till you cried.

You guys sat up cuddling with each other. The beer calmed your nerves a bit, you weren't too drunk, but just comfortable and so was he. Things were flirty and even though he was saying how he wasn't sure if he wanted to see you anymore because he liked you, that was all behind.

"You know when I was first introduced to you from my school's counselor, my first thought was that you were so damn hot," You laughed.

"I could say the same too, but then I was like 'Nope I have to be professional." You were already scooted up to his arms so there wasn't more you could do. You and Hizashi made eye contact with each other and you pressed your lips against him. It started as a small kiss and slowly turned into a make out session. He had your legs on his lap and his hands at your waist. He soon moved down to your neck leaving you marks as he continues. You let out a moan from the pleasure you were getting.

You had your hands under his shirt slowly lifting it up. His body felt warmer as they moved up his abs. It was interesting, for a man who on the outside looked quite skinny, he had muscles underneath. Hizashi spent too long kissing your face, it was time for you to take over. You took his shirt off, threw it to the ground and pushed him over to where you were on top of him.

"Do you want to continue, I'm it going to force you to do something you don't want," Hizashi asked you.

"For sure," You said. You took off your shirt and he unclipped your bra. You were sitting on his legs and could feel his bulge which caused you to desire him even more. With one hand at his crotch, you went at his jaw giving him hickeys all over him. He let out groans with every action. Soon enough your hands reached down and pulled his pants down. His cock was erect and you were ready to down it. Your tongue swirled around the tip leaving chills in Hizashi's body. The taste of him made you desire more and you continued. Hizashi had his hands stroking your hair and making sure your hair didn't get on your face. He had a relaxed face and let out relaxed moans.

Your position changed and this time he moved himself on top of you before he could cum. His hands trailed down your body giving you a ticklish feel. Realizing you still had your jeans on, Hizashi unbuttoned them and felt your clit through your panties giving them a rub. You were already wet from the excitement and he liked that. His hands got into your panties and had his fingers stroke you.

"Let's move to somewhere better~" You smirked before he could do anymore. Hizashi nodded and lead you to his room. Messy itself, but it was fuckable. He pulled you down onto the bed and got on top of you.

"You sure you wanna continue?" He asked you. His lime colored eyes made deep eye contact with yours.

"Yeah let's do it," You said. Hizashi spread your leg open and put a finger in and you let out a gasp.

"You're already so wet for me," He smirked. He then put a second finger and went for it. You shrieked are how fast he went. His fingers were fast and they hit at where you were pleasured the most. Only at the start and he was this good. It was too early for you to orgasm and so he stopped.

He grabbed a condom and put it on. You laid on your back as he grabbed your legs and put it over his shoulders. Slowly he entered and went slow. The feeling was euphoric, the teacher you were volunteering under was in you. The man you liked was in you and you loved every moment of it. His thrusts were slow, but passionate.

"You like that," He breathed. His pace started getting faster. You but your lip and clenched his sheets to get through it. His nails were dug into your skin as he started going faster and you let out moans as his hips moved in. Hizashi's expression changed from a calm one to a more focused look with his eyebrows furrowed. He was great at sex, and you were pleasured.

"Fuck!" You cussed. He kept going and then turned you over on doggie style. He entered from behind and this time he had his hands around your neck. They sat there, not gripped as tight.His thrusts were faster and you were having so much fun.

"Fuckkkkkk, (Y/N)," He yelled. His thrusts got faster

and it was starting to get painful bit by bit, but you didn't want to stop. The bed squeaked hard and the headboard was hitting the wall. It felt so good in you, you could almost feel yourself reach the climax and he was too. You were more than satisfied. It wasn't long until you finally reached your orgasm. You screamed his name his thrusts started slowing down.

"Shit, I'm gonna cum," Hizashi groaned. He was trying to get the most satisfaction from you and went hard. Soon he pulled out and came and you collapsed on the bed. You were tired from it all and couldn't keep your eyes open as much. Him on the other hand, he was up throwing away his condom.

You laid down on his bed reflecting on what had happened and he joined you. Hizashi stared up to the ceiling, looking wide awake still.

"So tell me something, is there any reason why you told me that you want to stop seeing me, but decided to fuck me today?" You asked him in a sleepy voice. You were up in his arms, refusing to leave.

"You're right," Hizashi sighed. He turned to you and grabbed your hand.

"You selfish bastard," You poked at him. Inside, you were getting sad. You agreed to fuck him and now he was probably going to cut you out.

"Let's continue seeing each other, but I have to tell you, there's a lot of stuff going on so I'm not sure I can put 100 percent into whatever we have," Hizashi admitted.

"Then tell me everything."

He sat up and told you what had been happening in the hero commission, how there was something big coming up and what he found out about his high school friend. You listened to him vent out his feelings and how he wasn't so sure if now was the right time to be seeing anyone, but he knew he couldn't let you go. You held on to him tight, letting him know that you were there for him and you weren't going to leave him. You wanted to stay like this forever.

[drkcnry67]

we’re related and I Don’t Care

title: We’re Related and I Don’t Care

pairing: Jared x reader

fluff: roommates (bro/sis)

kink: virginity

tags:  INCEST, VAGINAL PENETRATION, LIVING TOGETHER AND REALIZING YOU HAVE FEELINGS BUILT UP FOR EACHOTHER, HARD COCK IN TIGHT PUSSY, brother boner for his sister, shower sex... DO NOT READ THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!!

rating: 18+

mentioning @spnfluffbingo​   @spnkinkbingo​   @sweetness47​

fluff    kink 

before i get ahead of myself here, let me just put this here, i was 100% in control of my actions when the following events took place. 

twas the week after highschool graduation, i was all set to move into an apartment of my own. it was a wonderful idea, i was so excited. but then the day before my big move was supposed to take place my parents and my brother got into a huge argument. 

he approached me about moving into the apartment with me, okay that wasnt a issue, my brother was successful like me and we were both now packed and prepared for our early day start the next day. 

me and my brother always had the best relationship. it was a bond like no other, he was my guardian while i would go on shopping sprees and i was his while he was with his friends in a club setting. 

our chemistry was about to take a very very wide turn... but we at that time didnt know that. the day of the big move, well i helped my brother for the most part load our shit on the truck, but he insisted on him and his friends doing this themselves.

who was i to complain, anyway it was complete in 5 hours, it was all in the apartment and then we realized that we would need to purchase some more furniture, not a problem. it would be a easy fix, so we sat down on the floor and set up the laptop to TV hdmi.

Jared: alright sis, what kind of furniture are we getting?

You then gesture down to the table before you where the list of furniture sits before you and your brother.

Yn: well dear brother as you can see before you, I made a list, but because this is our place we both have equal say in the furniture design.

Jared: may I pick the first piece of furniture?

Yn: of course... Let me just go and take another measurement real quick...

You got up and left the room, your brother picked out the sofa and love seat, in a pattern that he figured you would approve of.

He was browsing the blanket sets when you re-entered the room.

Yn: alright so what do we have so far in the cart...

Jared: the sofa and love seat. I was just browsing through the blanket sets... We should have a few extras for when we do laundry...

you were scouring the blanket sets and decided your brother was right. you were now putting one of each set in the cart, you then passed the reigns to your brother so he can pick out the bed frames, one for you, one for him.

then some pots, pans, kitchen stuff, and bathroom stuff. then you both agreed that would be sufficient to get you both started so you went through the checkout and waited.

YN: so we should also order another tv so we can both play games together. its gonna be easier that way.

Jared sighed he knew you were right he just hated to admit it... deep down inside he was holding in his feelings, he had a huge boner for you, he always had, but now living with you now he might actually have his shot at having the life he always wanted with you.

Jared: your right, which is why i had placed that order last night... they will be delivered around the same time as the furniture. its a good thing we think alot alike.

YN: guess thats the bond we share, now what do we want for dinner.

Jared: well we clearly dont have any groceries yet... so what do we want...

You had to go with your gut... You had to use your keen sense of sibling skills and happily tell your brother what you wanted.

Yn: remember when we were growing up and after school you and I would stop for dinner on Fridays at a little restaurant down near the school and celebrate the victories and losses through the week.

Jared: do they do delivery?

Yn: how bout you call and find out while I go and find the bed sheets so we can finish setting up the beds as in put the pillows and comforters on as the rest of the stuff won't be here till tomorrow.

Jared nods his head and smiles watching as you get up and leave the room.. his mind thinking the most evil thoughts, as he mentally undresses you and pictures you beneath him screaming his name with bountiful pleasure.

Jared (to self): i need to make my move soon, cause its perfect opportunity to now that i live with her. its the perfect time. just need the right moment.

so for the next few hours Jared watched, waited, and sat with you in the living room, dinner arrived you guys ate and smiled.

Yn: hey bro, what time is it?

Jared looked at his watch, and smiled when his brain dinged and remembered your evening routine. for as long as he could remember you would shower every second evening. since the last time you showered was the night before last...

Jared: dont worry about anything ill clean up and finish setting up the sleeping arrangements. it will all be done by the time you get out...

YN: thank you... now ill see you when im done.

you left the room, you went into the bathroom with your speaker and phone setting up your music and leaving the door open a tad for no foggy mirrors when you got out.

jared however was waiting till about half way through your shower time before he would make his mark.

you set up the dark shower curtain and turned on the water, stripped off your clothes and it started. Jared counted the minutes by the song lengths.

Jared (to self): okay this is it time to man up and confess my feelings. i should lock the door first though.

as jared was locking the door, he could hear you talking to yourself in the shower.

YN (to self): okay girl get a grip, your extremely caliente hot brother is now living with you, as your roommate, you have only been saving yourself for like ever... i mean he probably would think it super weird and such if i like told him that i love him.

Jared came closer to the door and smiled as he took all his clothes off and snuck into the washroom, your voice melding with the music you didnt hear anything, you had no idea what was about to happen.

you were in the middle of rinsing your hair when your brother walked into the shower.

Jared: did you mean it?

this startled you, you didnt turn off the water, but instead hid behind the cover or as much of it as could be done with your hands/arms.

YN: what the hell jared...

Jared: did you mean what you said...

YN: what are you talking about...

Jared: a few moments ago, i was locking the apartment and i heard you tell yourself that you love me... was that true.

you had now dropped your hands from covering you...

YN: yes, i have been hiding that from you since 9th grade, when you gained all your hot muscles, when you and i were crowned as the 2 most likely candidates for the spring fling royalty that year. when we won i was amazed by how good your biceps felt beneath my hand... want me to say it, i love you more than a brother, i love you Jared...

Jared: i love you too. now i am gonna fuck you into the middle of next week. Yes I know you saved yourself, as did I.. I never gave up hope that you would one day say you love me more than a brother.

Yn: then take me and don't worry about being gentle I think we are way passed that now.

You and Jared were alot closer, before another word was spoken Jared pressed his lips to your own, you stood on your tippie toes to reach up as your brother's arms pulled your form closer to his own.

his hands now cupping your butt cheeks lifting you so your legs wrap round his hips/waist. you feel his hard cock under your pussy, you were not bothered by this, you felt like you should be but your brain, heart, and body told you that you were happy, that you were in the right hands.

Jared: im sliding in, scream for me baby!

you went to kiss him but the kiss was broken by your scream as his hard cock slid right into your pussy. stretching you out, waiting a bit for you to fit to him.

Jared: well i think this is gonna be a short movement cause im almost too hard to keep pounding into you here and now but i will go as hard as i can and unload into you fully.

You screamed moaned and felt the hard cock of your own brother inaide you. It was another 15 minutes before Jared unloaded into you.

Jared pulled out for 2 seconds, he then helped you wash your body and you washed his hair and body before both of you got out and dried off.

Jared: let me just go turn off all the lights then I'll join you in bed.

You walked into the bedroom and took a look at the mirror on the wall, your reflection looked different, yet somehow the same, similar to how you looked that morning.

but your brother walked in and came up behind you, wrapping his arms round your waist he smiled and so did you.

Jared: you looked very deep in thought when i walked in

YN: i was just thinking about how this might be viewed in the public eye...

Jared: and i dont give a flying shit hole fuck of a damn as to what the public eye thinks. ill be out in public and have dinner with you, and ill beat anyone who dares make a pass at my new girlfriend.

YN: promoted from sister to girlfriend in the span of 24 hours, im very lucky girl.

thats when your brother backed both you and him up to the bed and both of you fell backward and on bed.

Jared: your a lucky girl whose not leaving this bed till the doorbell rings for our furniture delivery tomorrow... now lean into me and lets enjoy our new life together.

Jared placed a kiss to your forehead as he felt your head nestle into the crook of his neck and your breathing became relaxed. he slid himself back into you and soo you both felt only peace.

~see you soon~

[pixie88]

Bad Decision

Chapter 4 - Our Little Secret.

A/N: Queen B fanfiction. I’m currently editing and adding all  my FF to my new account. All being added to my pinned masterlist on my profile. Let me know if you would like to be tagged! 

Find previous chapters HERE under Queen B - Our Little Secret.

Word count: 1757

WARNINGS: ⚠️ Some adult language & Angst

Disclaimer: Characters are property of Pixelberry.

Pairings: Ian x MC - Lyla.

Enjoy!

"Lillian, I can explain" Ian tells her "How can any explanation make the fact you are sleeping with a student make this right? Ian, this is wrong on so many levels! Do you not care about your career?" she asks him.

I close the door, Ian turns to me for help "Lillian, I understand this looks bad but I promise this isn't how it started. When we first met I had no idea he was my professor nor did he know I was his student" "So when you did find out why didn't you stop it Ian?" Lillian asks him.

"Lillian, I tried, but the more I denied myself the more I wanted. I love Lyla, I'm even moving to a different university, so I can be with her without any repercussions" " So, you tried? It doesn't look like you tried very hard Ian! What do you two fuck between classes? I bet Lyla is an A class student in your class she has to be considering she's fucking her professor. Ian, how can you be so reckless?" Ian face turns to annoyance.

Lillian, Stop! I will not have you talk about or to Lyla like that! Yes, I have been reckless, but that is from my own doing!" Lillian face soften "Ian, I'm sorry! I just don't want this to blow up in your face and end your career you worked so hard for" (Lillian is right, I can't let Ian risk his career for me. At least not while he's still working here).

"Ian, your sister is right, maybe we should cool it until you start your new job. I can't risk you losing everything for me. So, I think it is best that you find a new TA for the rest of your time here. I'll see you in class." I put the graded essays on the small coffee table.

I go to leave the room, but I feel an arm on my shoulder "Lyla, No! Don't do this!" I turn to face him, his eyes are sad "Ian, I don't want to, but we have to," I see Lillian giving me an agreeing nod to the side of Ian.

"We can still carry on in secret, no one will know" his eye pleading with me (I have to tell him about Poppy) "Someone found out!" I tell him, and he pulls away "You're lying! You're just saying that, so I agree to take a break." "Ian, I wish I was, but I'm not. Poppy found out about us she had photo's of us. She was going to use them to blackmail me, but I managed to delete every copy she had and burn the paper ones. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to worry. I didn't want you to be a part of my mess" he gives me those puppy dog eyes I can't resist.

"Lyla, You should have told me. We could've dealt with that together" I smile "As much as I love you being my knight in shining armour, this was my mess" "No Lyla, It was our mess. You should've told me." he cups my face.

"I know, but so we don't have this problem again, I think we cool it just until you no longer my professor!" he lets go of my face, turns away from me and takes a seat behind his desk.

"Ian, I know it must be hard, but it makes sense and it's only for a few weeks. I think what Lyla is doing is very noble" she smiles at me.

"If that's all Lyla you may go. I'll get a new TA sorted from tomorrow." he doesn't look at me. I leave his office deflated. (Get a grip 8 weeks aren't that long).

2 Weeks later, I have only seen Ian in class I avoid being the first one there so it isn't awkward or at least any more awkward than Ian has made it. Ian avoids my eyes in every lesson and ignores me around campus. He got a new TA 2 days after I told him to get a new one.

I'm not sure Tony seems up to the job as Ian stressed when ever he's around. Ian's class has ended and I'm getting my stuff together to leave when I hear "Ian! It's so good to see you again" I look up to see Lexi approaching Ian's desk at the front of the class.

I hear his husky tone as I make my way to the end of the aisle to leave the classroom "Lexi, you're early" I reach the door when I hear her reply, "Oh, I thought maybe we could have a few drinks before Richard and Annie arrive" (Argh I need a drink and also a bath tub to drown Lexi in).

I send a quick text to Zoe asking if she was free tonight, but she has a lot of studying to catch up on so would probably spend the night in the library.

(Looks like your on your own tonight Lyla).

After I head home to change I found myself outside The Base Lounge a new club that opened last week. I make my way inside and take a seat at the bar and order a passion fruit martini.

After I don't know how many martinis I pull out my phone. I want to text Ian but I shouldn't, but I go against my better judgement.

[Hi Ian, I hope yuo are having a dreadful time on your date with Lexi!]

[You* Whoops]

PING (5 Minutes later)

[Lyla, I am not on a date with Lexi. We are just having dinner with a few colleagues.]

I laugh nearly falling off the bar stool.

[I bet that's not how she sees it. Now you're free for the making.]

[making*]

[Wait that's still not right taking*]

PING (3 Minutes later)

[Lyla, No one is going to take me. You said it was for the best!]

[That was sober Lyla's idea. She's stupid!! I dom't like her!]

[Don't*]

PING (2 Minutes later)

[Lyla, Are you drunk?]

[Well duh! Come on progessor you have a degree. I thought that was obvious!]

PING (1 Minute later)

[Maybe you should get your friends to take you home to sober up!]

[Professor*]

[ Haha, I would but Zoey was busy]

PING (50 seconds later)

[You're by yourself??]

[You know for a professor you are pretty dumb. Of courses I'm by myself if Zoey isn't here. I'm going to walk home after I have been for a pee. Do you know this place has shared toilets! I know it's new but that's just weird right?]

[Course*]

PING (30 Seconds later)

[LYLA, DO NOT WALK HOME! I'M COMING TO GET YOU! JUST STAY THERE!!]

[No need to shout. Well text shout haha. No I'm fine. I can walk. I'll see you in class tomorrow]

I hear my phone continuously ping and ring, but I ignore it and I make my way out of the club. I start walking in the direction I think my dorm is in.

(I feel like I've been walking forever, everything is spinning, Oh no I'm going to...) I run over to the nearest bin and puke. Once I've stopped I clean myself open with a tissue I have in my bag. (Not my classiest moment) "Are you ok?" I look up to find some guy with long black hair staring at me.

(Oh my god, I have hair envy) "Wow, I love your hair!" He smiles "Thanks, but are you ok?" "Yes, I am fine frank you, I mean thank you" "Are you on your way home?" I look at him confused.

(Oh god, he's one of these weirdos that bury young girls under his driveway) "STRANGER DANGER!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I move away from Mr. Perfect Hair. "Stay away from me" he seems shocked "No! Look, I was just checking you were ok. I did mean to scare you" I still back away from him.

"Keep away from me," I shout at him again. I hear a car pull up, the headlights light us up I turn I can't see who it is but because the light is blinding me but I soon recognize the voice.

"Lyla, there you are" Ian comes into view "I've been looking everywhere for you!" he turns to Mr. Perfect Hair "Can I help you?" Ian asks him. "I was just checking she was ok when I saw her throwing up in the bin over there then the mad cow started screaming stranger danger. She's fucking nuts mate." (Everything after that happened in slow motion) Ian squares Mr. Perfect Hair straight in the jaw.

He runs off and Ian takes my hand and leads me to his car.

He gets into the driver's seat, he seems angry "Are you ok Ian?" his jaw tenses "Ian, I said are yo..." "I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID, LYLA!" he shouts, "Excuse you!" "I'm sorry I didn't mean to shout, but you have no idea how worried I was about you!" "Ian, I'm ok!" "You might not have been! Why would you put yourself in danger like that?" "I wanted a drink and no one was free, Plus I was jealous!" I turn away from him.

"Jealous?" he asks I roll my eye "Yes, jealous of Lexi being able to be seen out in public with you and just in your company," he looks over to me with soft eyes "Lyla, This was your idea. I was happy to keep seeing you in secret, but you decided it was best." "Now I don't think it's best. Ian, I miss you," he quickly looks over to me with a smile before returning his eyes to the road.

"I have to admit I've missed you terribly, but you need to figure out what you want!" "Ian, it's you! I want you. I can't wait 6 more weeks, it's killing me now" I see him smirk.

He takes my hand and pulls it to his lips before placing a small kiss against my knuckles "I want you to, Lyla. But if we are going to do this we need to be careful, very careful! No one can know!" "Of course!" "Not even Lillian!" "Ok, but if we are trying to be careful for the next 6 weeks I don't think you should be seen dropping me at my dorm" "Where shall I drop you home?" I grin.

"At your place Professor!" I wink.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 5.

[birlcholtz]

Okay, I'll bite. How and why did you learn to code?

HI LIN thanks for biting this is a story that tells you quite a lot about me as a person

so some background: my parents are both in compsci. they're the late 80s, early 90s silicon valley crowd, they've both had their fair share of established companies and startup-hopping, and my brother and i grew up here

my brother is about 5 years older than me and took to coding like a fish to water (like a duck to water??) which is to say he started programming on scratch at the tender age of.... i don't even know, honestly, maybe 9? too young for me to really remember, and he's been a compsci prodigy ever since

but then. then there was me.

now i do love scratch. when i was little i always copied my brother (not in like a cute way, in a 'if he can do that i can do it too' mindset that meant my third grade teacher REALLY struggled to find book recommendations for me that i hadn't already read. since my brother was above his grade's reading level, and i would read whatever my brother read. yeah that's the kind of kid i was/am)

so naturally i did what he did. i programmed on scratch, i did advanced math courses, i was in CHESS CLUB (i am so bad at chess by the way. i am not good at it. let's establish that. i think i beat my dad once and i genuinely don't know if he let me win or not. i never beat my brother so in that respect i failed. but i'm better than my mom so there's that)

HOWEVER. around fourth or fifth grade i was like hey. maybe i want to like... forge my own identity. and not just turn my life into 'do whatever elder brother does BUT BETTER.'

and thus began my campaign to NEVER DO ANY CODING EVER FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE AND WHILE I'M AT IT FUCK MATH

this gets long so there’s more under the cut sjflsghf

there are two problems with this. the first problem is my inherent pride and the fact that, despite my best efforts, i am actually decent at math and too proud to intentionally fuck it up. so i wound up in honors math. that made part 2 of my independence campaign a little difficult.

the second problem is that my parents were just as determined for me to learn to code as i was to avoid anything to do with coding for the rest of my life

(the third problem was actually a serious problem for this goal. and that was that in seventh grade, when i had a required compsci class where we learned basic, i found myself... enjoying it. HORROR OF HORRORS.)

so i was quite vocal about my anti-math stance and my determination to explore other avenues of life, to which my parents responded by listening with bat-ears whenever i talked about my compsci class and/or my love of spreadsheets so that they could jump on it and say 'YOU KNOW, COMPUTER PROGRAMMING IS JUST LIKE THAT, I THINK YOU WOULD REALLY ENJOY IT' whenever i said something remotely applicable

and to which i responded, of course, by plunging ever deeper into performing arts because fuck compsci, except when it's basic, because then i understand everything because of messing around w scratch when i was little and it's easy and i'm ahead of the rest of the class and can stare into space while the rest of them struggle with closing their parentheses (which is not to say i never messed up my parentheses. i totally did)

now, my brother, because he's a nerd, went to compsci summer camps where you'd spend a week or two learning some program or language. he did things like java and c++ and then would come home and use this knowledge for robotics club. like i said. nerd.

but my parents sensed a golden opportunity. namely, 'if we can get birl to go to these camps, she will actually learn programming things (not just being ahead of the class and spacing out in basic), and we'll probably get her to agree since it's only a week and she can do cost benefit analysis'

and, because i CAN do cost benefit analysis, i agreed to that deal. i'd go to a few of these camps, and then we'd agree that i was done with my parentally mandated computer science requirement. i learned some 3-d modeling, i learned to use unity (which involved some c+ as well), and i learned some java, and all was well. the camps were like 5 days long. we mostly worked on self-directed projects so i could do whatever the hell i wanted (and i made some pretty cool maze games if i do say so myself-- one of them in unity and one of them as a text-based game in java)

and.... horror of horrors....... i didn't hate it.

(of course i didn't want to go BACK any more than i had to but i also didn't hate every moment of those weeks)

so we were out of the woods right?

except no. we weren't.

because here's the thing. my high school ALSO had a computer science requirement. we had to take at least a semester. there were 3 levels offered: AP compsci, normal compsci, and then easy compsci (not its actual name) for the people who did not give a single shit

obviously i wanted to take the last one. my parents really wanted me to take AP but were willing to settle for normal. you will notice there was no overlap

i wrangled my way out of taking AP because that was a year-long course and i didn't have space in my schedule (my parents are wonderful in the sense that they didn't want to infringe on my actual interests to force me to do compsci which meant i had LEVERAGE)

but we literally wound up discussing it with the dean of students who was like 'well if you're capable of AP and just not taking it for schedule reasons then easy compsci would probably be boring for you!' which was an unhelpful take, thanks EVAN

but i did get my way by virtue of volunteering with a progressive tech organization in lieu of taking regular compsci, so i took easy compsci (in which i used scratch again, yay nostalgia, and also briefly flirted with html) and also wound up learning to use squarespace which is criminally easy but you can make it look like you're an expert

and all this while i was getting better and better with spreadsheets due to my own individual love for spreadsheets that near as i can tell, nobody in my family shares (my dad does have a lot of spreadsheets but his aren't as detailed as mine and he doesn't include data validation so HA)

all of which (plus my ap calc and stats classes) combines to mean that while i would not be able to just sit down and write you some code, if you give me access to stack overflow and tell me what language it's supposed to be in i can probably figure it out. especially now that i've become familiar with python by accident (well, more by my desire to write fic)

and because now i'm stuck in a rut, my current internship is with another civic tech company and that's probably what i'll wind up doing next summer as well. i don't actually work on software but i do comms which means i need to be able to have conversations with the engineers so i've been learning on the job. i know so much help

SO. with regards to my fic, my parents would both be thrilled because i taught myself some of a new programming language (python) and disappointed because i taught myself some of a new programming language with just stack overflow and some time and all i'm using it for is fic.

but near as i can tell we finished that battle long ago. it was a resounding victory for birl and i continue to expand my technical talents into areas like photo/video editing and CRM tools.

thank you very much *bows*

[shiro-0197]

Oh I see!! I'll make note of that, then! So I can wish you good luck for school <3 you'll be in a new grade when you start, right? and AAAAH thank you!! We will have online classes off and on, but when we actually go to school (physically) we will have exams right off the bat (ugh).

oh wow the coincidence is so cool!! Yes, the more food the better, tho some are coastal states so they have mostly seafood ._.

it really is, and you have to be very thorough with it or you might make a mistake :( I'm glad!! You should do what you enjoy, and freelancing is definitely much easier and less stressful xx

omigosh bae aaah you're so cute. No one is going to think you're uncool, don't worry. And I'm sure they'll get it in the first time you teach, you seem to be a very gentle person and I think that's one of the main characteristics of being a teacher. Tho yes I can understand getting frustrated after the second time. I'm actually the least patient person I know, so I relate to what you've said a lot skhdskks. I guess it's an ENTP thing 😔

I'd low-key just be a koala bear or something :> I know right!!

Icouldn't find it, ugshshshhhhh :(((

Awww. Okay, playful hitting is cute. I don't do it at all, but my friends do, whenever I flirt with them 😭😭 I think they're just flustered 😼

Oh God yes. I hate my braces but I'm glad they're coming out soon. And then I'll be able to eat anything I want. What is one food you don't think you'll be able to live without, btw? (BESIDES CHEESE, SIR).

oh Turkish delights are WONDERFUL. I've also only tried it once. Your school seems to have such wonderful food! And wow I just googled maklube, and it looks so good?? Rice and meat are low-key the perfect combo 😭😭💖 (and the name is so cute?? It means upside down, right?)

oooh omg I'd totally read an article like that. Make sure you add "catboy supremacy" at the end 😹😹😹

yessss I love She-Ra! They're all actually remakes from old TV shows my parents watched when they were younger, and now Netflix remakes them with amazing graphics!! I also love Voltron (it's actually my favourite), and I was really into it before my anime phase as well xD I hope you're able to watch them sometime! What were you into, before anime?

And oh, love! How was your day? Mine was okay. I woke up really early and studied (and kinda burnt myself out) so I slept for an hour after studying for five. And then I had another meeting, and I watched an episode of money heist xD this may be off topic, but my Leo club is collaborating with three others from different schools and we're doing a project together! It's kinda like a tutor thingy, and there's 8 tutors who'll have 1 and a half hour slots to teach their specific subjects. I'm a tutor too, and my subject's English, so I'm really excited. I hope I'll be able to teach well, so lol, fingers crossed xD

I love you btw!! Like so so so very much. You make me smile. Let me be cheesy here, BUT THANKS FOR BEING MY SNOWMATE 😼☃️

—✨ARIANA

Hello!! Not really, this is just a small break, hehe. I'm in the last grade actually, and I'll be out of school in 25th of May~ Awhh that sucks😭 They have no chill, huh? Couldve at least given a revision day or something

Ouch😔 it's always the small things that ruin it all😭

Yeah, you're right!!! Though I'm afraid I might not make enough money for a living 💔 I'll try my best though!! Cant live without failing eh?

Ahh I really hope so~ still kind of worried. Because, you know, people are different? And I dont really wanna make them think bad of me XD I wonder if theres tutoring on how to teach someone. Thatd be useful

Koalas are so cute though🥺🥺 just like you😭

Nanwndnnwnd💔😩 dont worry, I'm sure itll float up when you least expect it hehe

Heheh, I also flirt with my friends and I remember one time one of them just headbutted me😩😭😭😭😭

Hmm~ I dont even know, probably noodles. Extra spicy instant noodles<3 or homemade noodles. Any noodle is a fine noodle😭 I love them a lot, not as much as Kuro though. He's literally that vine where a guy cries over spilled spaghetti.

Yes yes yes!!!! We absolutely adore those, and if we dont have one during teatime some people just refuse to come along xD they're still forced to lmao,,, I really hope you can try them again soon!! I'm not really sure about the translation, I dont think it has one hehe, all I know is that they taste good 😝

I really feel like making a clickbait thumbnail for a video about that. I'll show you when I do😋

Ahhh I really need to catch up on old fandoms hehe~ before anime i was really into Steven Universe... and video games, like Undertale, FNaF, Sally Face, Fran Bow... all that 2015 stuff xD I also enjoyed watching gameplay videos, because as a broke baby child I couldn't afford a game or a PC. I also liked Camp Camp, hehe

Mine was pretty good!!! Yesterday nothing much happened, I went to eat out and watched some guys dance on the street. It was fun, hehe~

Huhh??? Noo you really should've rested:(( Well, I'm glad you had a nap though!! You deserve it<3

That sounds so cool!!! I really hope the meeting went well, how'd it go? Was it hard?

Our class also made a project, where we post in a group anonymously about something that we had learned. It sounds really nice, I'm not really gonna post anything but I'm looking forward to whatever my classmates come up with xD

I love you too!! Your messages always make me so happy🥺 Its really an honor to be your snowmate💞💕💞💕💞

[grace-is-forever]

Sleepless nights part 2

Who knew that after a few months of Jeremy staying at my house I'd start develope feeling for him. Sure, he'd be really flirtatious but thats just Jeremy.

"You know he likes you right?" Michael whispered beside me. School had just recently started back up due to the weather. So much snow! "No he doesn't. Thats just his personality." I scoffed at him. I really wish he did though.

I turned and exited the conversation slowly when i tripped and fell. "OWW!" I yelled. I landed on my knee. It didnt help that my right knee was already messed up. Now I'll be back in the stupid brace for weeks.

Time passes and its time for theater. Weird, Jeremy wasnt there. Oh well.

"Art thou gone so? love, lord, ay, husband, friend!

I must hear from thee every day in the hour,

For in a minute there are many days:

O, by this count I shall be much in years

Ere I again behold my Romeo!"

I read aloud. I know Romeo and Juliet. Typical high school play. I was cast as the role of juliet and to no surprise Jeremy was Romeo. It felt almost unnerving to be his love Interest. I went home an hour later, after staying to practice. When i got home i confonted Jeremy. "Hey, why werent you at school?" I asked. School is always boring without him. "I just needed to think, but the real question i have is why are you limping?" Confuson plastered on his face. Being completely honest i forgot about my knee sure it hurts but i didnt realize i had a limp. "i fell before history." The worst class so my pain didnt make it any better. "Youve always been extremely clumsy." He stated as got up to grab my brace off my dresser. "And to honest." He paused. "Its kinda cute. A blush apparent on his face and probably mine to. "I wish i wasnt. It'd be nice to go out without some kind of injury." He helped me put on my brace and helped me up. The familiar feeling coming back to me. We stayed at home rehearsing our lines for the rest of the day. The next day at school Jeremy stayed really close to me to watch over my knee. As the classes passed theater came and today was the iconic balcony kiss. I really wish i wasn't so nervous about it. "Dont worry Y/N, its just a kiss." I thought to myself. "With someone you really like, maybe even love." My hands started shaking and breathing became difficult. My vision stared to fade and i ran out of the room before blacking out completely. Y/N? Are you okay? I heard someone ask. Slowly everything came back into my vision. "What happened?" I asked slowly. Jeremy was infront of me and began explaing that I blacked out. I started crying after that. "Im an idiot." i said between sobs. Letting myself freak out about something that will never happen. "I'm sorry, tell everyone I'm not feeling good and that I'm going home. I gave him a goodbye hug and ran out of the building. I ran faster than i ever have. I unlocked my door and threw myself on the bed and sobbed until nightfall. Jeremy woke me up thr next morning early. "Lets get some coffee before school." I agreed to it. Got dressed, brushed my teeth, and said put on my knee brace. We got to the school and i brought jeremy to the theater so we could practice since we both got a free period.

"Romeo, Romeo, where fort art thou Romeo?

I questioned and we continued practice the kiss was about to happen and i got my self mentally prepared.

We leaned in and our lips met. It felt as electricity was flowing through us. We pulled apart and he forgot his lines after that.

"Im sorry, but I've wanted to do that ever since i met you in the park a few months ago and you let me stay with you."

I kissed him again. This one was more drawn out and more passionate. "Jeremy i've had the biggest crush on you since 7th grade. I love everything about you. One more kiss was shared then we parted was to go to class. I couldnt really focus all i could do was think of was the kiss. Yhe class passes and its time for the one of the last practices before our performance. Onve again the kiss happened and in the background i could hear Mr. Reyes awwing. "That was really good you guys. I could feel the emotions you showed. Really impressive! We thanked him and began walking home considering drama was our last class. We walked through the park that we officially met at. We sat at the swings talking. A few hours passed and it was soon getting dark. I looked down at my phone, 10:17. "I think we should head back to the house its getting late. He nodded and we began to walk back. We decided to stay up watching movies on the couch. 3 movies passed and i looked over and jeremy was asleep. So peaceful and fragile. I kissed him on the cheek before heading off to bed. As an hour past i found myself restless. Sleep was something that wasn't in my vocabulary. I got up and headed out for my normal spot. The park. Since no one was out i took is an opertunity to let some emotions out the only way i knew how to. Drawing. I grabbed my sketchbook and began drawing the surrounding areas along with a little personal touch. Two people sharing a kiss by the tree. "I knew I'd find you out here." I jumped out of my thoughts and quickly closed my book. "Oh hey Jer." I said. "You should be asleep, go back inside." I told him. "So should you." He replied back. He held out his hand which i accepted. He led me back to the house and i got in bed putting sketchbook on the dresser next to the bed, and fell asleep. Jeremy was still getting ready for bed and took a look through my journal and saw the sketch i did earlier. He was in awe of the drawing. He couldnt take it anymore. He woke me up and before i could question his lips were on mine. He kissed me with as much passion he could muster up. We pulled apart and finally spoke. "I saw the drawing. I looked, i shouldn't have but i did." I shot up immediately after. I grabbed my skethchbook and held it tight. "Not cool Jer!" I whined. "Is that the only thing you saw?" I asked giving up any secrets i had. "Yeah thats all i saw. Is there more?" He asked. I nodded and found a page at the back of the book and read it to him.

"As life progresses, I'm bound to make mistakes, to see hard times. Every low comes with a high. Somewhere in the future i'll see what I can truly be. I may be scared and a little doubtful, but in the long run I know I'll be ok.

I knew that when i met you i knew who i was. Everything was clear. I wasnt scared of anything else but losing you. I see nothing but hope now that i have you. I love you more than anything."

He hugged me right after listening to that. "Do you really feel that way." I nodded and grabbed his hands. "I always have." I leaned over and kissed him again. "Promise me you won't look through my stuff anymore?" I asked him. "I promise but you should teach me how to draw cause youre incredibly talented." I smiled at him and layed back down. "Good night Jeremy. I love you." I told him before falling asleep. "Good night Y/N, i love you too. He replied pulling me against him. He pressed one last kiss to my forehead before he fell asleep.

After a day full of confessions and love. It was anything but a sleepless night.

This is the brace I had. I don't know where I put it. Every other brace I have is horrible compared to this one.

@broke-ass-potterhead I hope you enjoy! 💙

[solitudeishard]

I posted 79 times in 2021

36 posts created (46%)

43 posts reblogged (54%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 1.2 posts.

I added 67 tags in 2021

#studying - 12 posts

#self love - 12 posts

#study motivation - 8 posts

#study notes - 8 posts

#student - 8 posts

#life - 5 posts

#love - 4 posts

#sunset - 4 posts

#living my life - 3 posts

#doing what i like - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 36 characters

#no never stop if you wanna be on top

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

2nd and 3rd may,21(2&3/30 dop)

I apologize for not uploading pictures of the past few days as i was quite busy with my assignments and work.

However,i completed some chemistry and computer.

Btw the picture above carry two different vibes.First one, the chaos online classes bring and the second is of the quality time you spend with yourself.Sunsets are the best part of the day .Looking all beautiful and majestic!!!

I'll upload frequently now and try to not skip days and also sending love ,good wishes and a small token of motivation to you . I hope you get done with your shit!!

And don't forget to enjoy the SUNSETS!!!

4 notes • Posted 2021-05-04 12:16:18 GMT

#4

Her eyes carrying the dreams divine,

Her heart filled with the kindest wine.

Her giving the calm and care,

Her climbing the steps of success and failure.

Her tears worth more than pearls,

Her smile forgiving the not so fair world.

Her mind solving the tips and tricks,

Who said a Queen needs a crown to be what she is.

-bhavya

5 notes • Posted 2021-03-08 01:30:29 GMT

#3

30th jan,21:

I decided to come out of my comfort zone and start studying again.In grade 10 i was disciplined but covid and lockdown made me rest and procrastinate .Well,i am not complaining though.But still it's time to come out of it.You should know when is the time to leave things.

Btw,sunshine i watched some physics videos on work, power and energy ;i thought I'd be able to complete it today but this required a lot of work ,power and energy which i couldn't supply in one single day ..so we'll complete it tomorrow.And also i am going to do some maths today.

: )keep smiling!

5 notes • Posted 2021-01-30 15:38:02 GMT

#2

Somedays i just want to sit by myself ,think about the choices i made , what i did wrong or what i did right. Nothing makes sense somedays . You don't need anything but still want everything and it's weird ... It's weird to exist ... It's pain . sometimes i want to blame people for having expectations from me , blame them to have notions about me , to think I'd do something or not but then some people have right to do so coz they brought me here but god did i want to come here on the earth or did you too just pushed me into situations and people . It's hard to exist , to want and to love because everything leads to pain and there's nothing i want but then again I'm a slave .. a slave to my own existence and i can free myself only by destroying myself. Life's like a punishment with happy moments and memories to make that punishment bearable but the moments exist not for everyone. Do you ever think that existing is your biggest crime?

11 notes • Posted 2021-09-23 14:42:15 GMT

#1

17th februrary,21

Today did some early morning study with my Tumblr friends.Let's get out of our comfort zone and let's get done with our shit!

Keep smiling : )

14 notes • Posted 2021-02-17 03:10:52 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[frogsandfries]

Don't really know why I'm awake so early

I woke up around a quarter after six to two short, like alarm/klaxon-y noises. They sounded like they came from my partner's side of the room........... which they freaking did. Dammit, I just heard it again and now that I'm properly awake, it's my partner's damn phone.

I've got another freaking upset stomach, I'm pretty certain this is from the meatloaf. Or maybe it's caused by eating myself silly. Maybe is caused by the water. The only thing I can say for certain is wrong with the meatloaf is that it's entirely ground turkey, which I wouldn't ever eat by itself. I usually use ground turkey rarely if ever, and exclusively in my meatloaf. Usually to make the beef go further. But, like I've said, there was no beef when we bought the ground turkey.

Let's be honest, after I got really upset about being told I'm not eligible for reconsideration for three months, my partner took me to Dairy Queen, where I got that....... ice slush thing with ice cream. So that probably didn't help my stomach, but oddly, it didn't promptly trigger my system. Are the ice crystals in those slushies always so huge?? They were almost too big to chew, so I spat a good bunch out and tried to drink around the rest.

We sat on the curb, since that DQ was part of a truck stop/convenience store, and talked about this writing project he wants to do, then we started to talk about what I want to do short term with my work, until I can get back to work myself.

My partner has orientation today. It's pretty weird that it's on a Saturday, but the hiring manager was out for three weeks with corona. He's really excited about this; he's happy to have money coming back into his pocket; he's happy to be able to try to look out for me.

I'm kinda scared that my partner is going to bring it home. I mean, at least if we were both doing this, I guess I'd have an equal risk of contracting it myself. I think we're quite lucky to live in a state with a rather sparse population, that took action early and continues to stay ahead of this thing.

I think I would honestly be paralyzed, at this point, if he got it and didn't recover. But this state has a decent number of recoveries, I think, and too many people actively ill to tell, but I think my partner would be okay. But I definitely worry that I would not be okay if he brought it home.

Fucking everything is so fucking bizarre and surreal.......

I honestly don't know what I should be doing. I've only got a few designs available to put on merch so far. My partner kept talking about opening a Patreon and sharing my graphic novel. Doing it digitally is certainly faster; at the tiny scale that I'm doing it right now, they take about a day. I'm worried that the current versions are too small to be practical and that I'll have to start over.

Drawing is NOT my favorite, and I really, strongly believe that cross-stitch is THE medium for this story.

But also, I've been sitting on this narrative for a decade, officially. It's time to get it in front of somebody. I just wish I had a proper office at least, where I could put a Cintiq and a nice strong laptop and that laptop would run something a little better than Autodesk Sketchbook. Autodesk is good, and it's good for using on a tablet; honestly, if you really know what you're doing, and you have the patience to do it, you can do just about as good with Autodesk as you could with Gimp and such programs. I just have neither the know-how nor the patience.

I would rather cross-stitch. My partner argues that there's no way I could produce Etsy-grade photos of my work with just my phone, photos that would impress and sell potential patrons. He thinks if his mom shares my Patreon link, people who might not want stuff but still enjoy my work, might be more inclined to support my work.

I just don't have any freaking clue what kinds of rewards I would offer. Maybe at first, it would be free downloads of a pattern?? Or maybe four patterns? Five? Maybe before I even offer one pattern a month, I should focus on having a decent backlog of patterns. Maybe I should make a couple new patterns in the coming week.

I feel bad.

There aren't many places to work that I can easily walk to. Most of them are either fully closed or limited operation, or just not looking for help. I feel bad for sitting home "doing nothing", because art isn't work to me, it very much is pleasure. I hate assuming a very gender-traditional relationship, where the man is working and the woman stays home and does chores and cooks and gets head pats. I wanna work. I want my own money. I want to say, alright, the bills are all paid, I'm gonna buy art supplies because I earned it. I'm gonna go to Ross, because I earned it. I don't want to tell my partner, alright I paid the bills with the money you earned; now I'm going to treat myself to a couple of new tops from Ross. With your money.

I think even if we're married, it'll still be his money and my money. I just don't have the foundation or structure in my mind to be like, I stay home and make art, but the money my partner is sacrificing his creative time and energy to earn is also fairly mine. The only money that is mine is money that I've earned. So I better either get a proper job or learn to hustle the shit out of my art.

You know what could be work? Live streaming. There's a buuuuunnnnnncccchhhhhh of places for that. Google hangouts, Facebook, Twitch, Instagram, YouTube................Tiktok. I could finally get hip with all the cool kids 🙄😂 I could livestream myself stitching. Not sure there's an audience for it, but I absolutely could sit there for two hours, probably not in silence, but maybe I could borrow my partner's headphones (should've grabbed my own 🤦‍♀️). Then I would just have to find a good spot to post my phone. I could easily make one, but I got nada for materials to goof around with.