#I'll cry but it'll be worth it
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thebuckandeddiething · 9 months ago
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I saw the discourse about Eddie yelling smth like "You're not his father!" at Buck...and on the one hand I'll be heartbroken...
but the reconciliation with Eddie saying "Remember how I said that there's no one I'd trust with him more than you? That didn't and will never change." + the signature hand on the shoulder???? I need it so we can finally acknowledge that they're co-parenting 🥹
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harmonysanreads · 1 month ago
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Amphoreus will destroy us, won't it.
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danieyells · 2 days ago
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?????? Why did he tell me everything was fine if my insurance requires me to have been on hormones for 2 years to approve the procedure. . .why didn't he say they won't approve it if that wasn't the case. . .is that outdated information???? Maybe we can lie????
Am i seriously about to have all of my fucking hype crushed???? Maybe I can convince my doctors to lie for me or we can say I was doing it DIY for a few years. People ask how long I've been on hormones a lot because my voice is pretty deep and I look pretty masculine surely we could get away with this???
I feel really fucking beaten down now. Why not stop the discussion and go 'hey they require X amount of time on hormones'. . .I really hope I can convince my providers to fudge the truth for me a little or i'm going to lose my mind i seriously don't know how well i'm going to take it if i can't get this done???? Like I already feel so anxious at the thought. Please everything about me needs this. I am going to go fucking insane if this can't happen this year.
#i suddenly feel very stressed about my fourth floor window#i don't know if i'm going to direct the violence at myself or someone else and i'm just hoping i won't have violence to direct at all#i feel so so fucking stressed out. why wasn't this the first thing i was told???????????#please please cooperate with me doctor and therapist please i haven't felt suicidal in over a year please we cannot ruin this#i feel dizzy i feel dizzy i feel dizzy i'm too stressed about this please i'm gonna fucking break down i'm gonna fucking cry what if they#say no what if they want proof i was doing it before i met them i'm feeling so lightheaded and i'm lying down lmao???#what if i say i was on hormones before and i had to stop taking them will that throw a wrench in things????? i'm going to lose my shit#guys my year may be fucking ruined everything was going so well despite the state of the world despite everything#i need these women to lie for me. one small lie for one dumb fucker's wellbeing. surely they can agree to this? surely if i tell them how#scared i am they'll agree to say one little lie for me#i feel like scratching myself til i bleed rn hhhhhaaaa didbcueiebdj good thign i cut my nails the other day because them shits were SHARP#okay. okay. all i have to do is ask. i may not get an answer from one until tomorrow but these are very good people they have been#kind to me so far and good to me so far and they understand how important this is#my doctor has a nonbinary kid!!!! surely she'll be able to ask them for advice if she isn't sure please i'm going to throw up and i haven't#even eaten yet please don't take this out from under me this close. please don't rip this away from me when everything is going so well#please don't try and take this from me under this current administration that's trying to take everything from us#please#danie yells at existence#suicidal ideation cw#self harm mention?#I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO TAG THIS I'VE NEVER FELT SO BAD I HAD TO GET IT OUT OF MY HEAD HERE BEFORE i'm gonna send them messages and hope they#respond soon. if they don't. idk. i ask how much it'll be out of pocket#i wanna rock back and forth i need to eat and take my meds i wish i'd done that before i got started#like damn i bet my anti-anxiety meds would have been REALLY helpful right about now! shame i haven't taken them since yesterday!#and i didn't take the ones i'm supposed to take last night either because i was so distracted by. ider what i was doing the insomnia was#kicking my ass til about 6am though#so I'm running on like nothing here. which isn't helping.#i know. i know if it doesn't happen i'll live i'll survive i'll be fine but mother of god jt doesn't feel like it#it doesn't feel like it'd be worth it to have to like like this for two more years#i've already been living like this for like. idk. at least 12 years.
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fionnaskyborn · 3 months ago
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wish i could stop losing stuff irretrievably. some hardware error emptied out my recycle bin a couple days earlier. just to shit on a day i'd spent being genuinely happy about the art i create. i guess. i'm tired of compromises, sick of lying that "it wasn't that important anyway", and throwing up at "oh well, can't be helped".
and yet. and yet. despite every pain, both major and minor, the love is there. the love is still there. guess i've just somehow miraculously hit that point (or gone past it a long time ago) where every grievance beyond a certain amount hurts an unspeakable amount more than it should. and it stacks. probably went overboard a while back. don't know when.
still, i adore my project. still got someone in whose arms i feel safe. hope i'll get out someday. hope i'll get a win.
#i truly do believe that if i get the rest of my work back‚ the important bits#then everything else is gonna be all fine. negligible losses. one more pain on the road to victory.#i learned what digital corpses look like yesterday. zeroes where bs and 4s and Hs should be. it sits badly in my gut. it is difficult to#have hope.#and yet#and yet i will never lose mine until it's all truly over#i'm hoping for a win. it'll be the biggest win of my life at this point. everything else can go to hell at that point.#just give me the news‚ doc. give me the tiebreaker. tell me to live or to despair.#got things to live for beyond that one piece of art i've made. got a few of them‚ in fact.#yet a life without my art seems as bleak as they come. don't know what to look for beyond that. just let me win this one time.#seven years of constant pain is more than enough no matter how you slice it. if i'm not given closure here‚ for this one thing‚ then i'll#give it to myself. will be cruel. will be tough. think it holds less pain still.#but i don't want it. don't wanna think about it. crying as i write this. don't wanna face the music. hate how it hinges on that. are all#artists like this‚ or is it just me who is insane?#i've moved on with the help of my art. without my art‚ i can't move on. can't move on from the lack of moving on‚ either. just loss after#loss after loss. but maybe. maybe not. if i win‚ i'll just cuss out this pain i'm going through right now for the rest of my days and#eventually laugh about it. losses will become scars on living tissue. emphasize on l i v i n g tissue. living‚ as in can create‚ can#continue to love‚ can continue to adore and to help and to play and to smile and all sorts of things. can do all that good stuff that makes#a life worth livin'.#so. dunno if i'm transmitting. dunno if anyone's listening. but i'm hoping for contact.#logs#black blank blah-blah-blah
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benevolenterrancy · 1 year ago
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Hey! Just got a quick question. If tumblr were to disappear tomorrow, which app/platform would you go to?
ain't that the fucking question
At the moment, I have no plans of going anywhere (frankly I've tried other platforms and nothing works for me quite the way that tumblr does) but if I do decide to migrate I'll definitely make a bunch of posts about it so people know. I have people I'd prefer not to leave behind if I can help it...
I've seen a few different names bandied about (cohost? bluesky?) but I know literally nothing about any of them and won't be attempting to learn unless under extreme duress _(>﹏<。ゝ∠)
If the hypothetical digital apocalypse happened and tumblr disappeared and I needed to migrate IMMEDIATELY, you'd find me over on Pillowfort under BenevolentErrancy, probably. It is literally completely empty, but I made it Just In Case back when tumblr first enacted the Porn Ban and things looked rocky for a hot minute
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lucyvaleheart · 4 months ago
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oldmankneez · 9 months ago
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/ I think i'll change my icons back to square and maybe make them a border 🤔🤔🤔
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tohrus · 5 months ago
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like ? can u imagine waking up in your own home.. away from loudness and dysfunction.. only to have peace ?
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freesomebodybyluna · 1 year ago
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life is very beautiful in this moment I'm thankful I'm alive
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zwei-rhunen · 1 year ago
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one down
20+ more hours to go 🫠
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 1 year ago
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i just rly rly wish I had something to offer
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lusalemaart · 1 year ago
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imrllytootiredforthis · 2 years ago
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for the submissions thing, could u write something w/ needy!gyu who acts like a brat to get ur attention at dinner with u and txt? :) no worries if not!
Behave
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pairing: beomgyu x reader
warnings: sub gyu, dom reader, nipple play, begging, slight overstimulation, exhibitionism, oral fixation, think that's it, there may be more tho
word count: 2.6k
a/n: this took so long, bc i am perpetually procrastinating and inspiration hits once in a blue moon so i'm sorry anon but it's here now!
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It's been happening all night.
His hand sliding up your thigh, fingers dancing along the waistband of your pants, just enough to make sure you notice. You brush him away every time but he doesn't seem to be getting the hint.
Or, more likely option, he got the hint and decided to actively ignore it and continue on, the little brat.
"So what's been up with you guys lately?"
And all while he keeps trying to rile you up you also have a conversation to juggle.
"Oh nothing really," your words are too composed, too put together for Beomgyu. You're supposed to be struggling, trying to catching your breath as your face goes red-how he looks when you tease him. "The same old. What about you though, how is it trying to control these minx's?"
You gesture to the rest of the boys, taking the opportunity to slap Gyu's hand away, pushing off of you.
"Oh, you know," Soobin says, glancing meaningfully at the boy beside you.
The boy in question takes no notice, instead 'dropping' his fork and a little too happily proclaiming that he needs to pick it up, climbing under the table.
"Brat." you mutter under your breath, feeling his soft hair come into contact with your skin before it's his lips, peppering kisses over your leg, nose nuzzling into your heated flesh.
"I definitely know." You reply, taking a bite of food to cover the groan that almost escapes.
What motivation does he have? What's driving him to do this? All while you're out at dinner with all of the rest of his friends.With his bandmembers.
Desire. Want. Pure horniness that he's been harbouring all day long, imagining sinful things all while you try to hold up a conversation.
He needs you so bad.
Ever since this morning, ever since he watched you slide your rings onto your onto each finger while getting ready for the day.
He felt saliva pool in his mouth as he fixated on your hands, on the metal and pretty jewels that coated them. In the lithe way that your fingers moved.
He'd gave an experimental grind against the bed at the time, holding back a desperate moan.
But you'd heard him. You'd heard him and you'd known, with the way his eyes were fixed intently and what exactly they were on.
You'd known and you'd teased him, played with him like the little toy he is for you, stepping closer and dipping down to wrap your hand around his jaw, pushing it up to force him to look at you.
"Are you needy, Gyu?"
He'd nodded desperately, hips working against the sheets below him in a futile attempt to gain a sensation that would replicate you.
"From my fingers huh? From watching them?"
His eyes had flickered down to your ring-clad hand and he nodded, mouth falling open, drool coating his lips.
He'd wanted them in his mouth so bad. He still wanted them in his mouth for fucks sake but you'd just smirked down at him before leaving a peck on his nose and telling him to be good while you were gone.
Telling him to behave.
This was payback.
For making him horny and needy and desperate.
He ought to be ashamed of his behaviour now as you tug him back up into his seat. His cheeks are flushed pink and drool creeps down from the corner of his mouth which you quickly brush away.
The others continue to talk as if they don't notice anything. As if they aren't vaguely aware of the tension between the two of you. Acting as if it's so thick you could practically cut it with a knife at this point.
His hand slides up your thigh, getting a touch too high, agile fingers sweeping to rub over you. Your teeth sink into your lip.
"Behave." If only you knew the things that one small word does to him, setting something alight inside of him, burning hotter and hotter and hotter.
But he doesn't. He won't. He enjoys this too much to even consider it.
So his quick fingers will continue their exploration as they begin to slip under your shirt, palm flattening against your skin to grab onto your hip.
"You better stop right now if you know what's good for you." The hiss is low and only makes his body hotter.
You should really know this by now.
A small smile curls at his lips and a faux innocent look enters his eye as he hooks the thumb of his free hand towards the bathroom.
You sigh, trying to turn away from him and continue the conversation you had trailed off in.
He doesn't let you though, instead he slots his mouth right beside your ear, warm breath sliding across your neck, "I’m not wearing any underwear." fuck, you can hear the shit-eating grin you're sure is on his face, knowing that he's succeeded in his endeavor to rile you up. "Thought you might like to know."
Your breath comes out sharply and all you can imagine is everything you're not supposed to right now.
Shameless brat.
You should really know this by now.
You have learned. A long, long time ago that he was like this. That Beomgyu is something outside the realm of common decency and wouldn't care if any one of his friends were to catch him in the act right here and right now.
"Hello, are you guys okay?"
You turn to Kai, a blush coating your cheeks.
He's probably the only one who doesn't have some kind of idea of what's going on right now.
The only one that doesn't put the pieces together. Of your red face and Beomgyu's smirk and the fact that he's using his non-dominant hand to clumsily eat because his dominant hand is the one that's on the side that you're on.
The others watch, amused. Yeonjun whispers something to Taehyun and he whispers something back and you're ninety percent sure that they just made a bet on how you're gonna dig the both of you out of this hole this time.
You blank.
Shit.
"Yeah! We are, completely fine Kai. Beomgyu uh, just remembered," a low escapes your throat as his fingers rub against you, up and down and relentless. You cover it with a cough but just barely. "That-that he forgot to turn off the stove, so we have to get going to y'know turn that off, so the entire apartment doesn't burn down."
"O-kay then?"
It's not a very believable lie, not with the way you scramble to grab your things, the others nearly laughing as Taehyun tries to discreetly slide something under the table to Yeonjun.
And definitely not with the way you shove Beomgyu, hissing into his ear, goosebumps rising along his skin. "Don't you dare look back, just keep walking."
"Um, guys! You know the door is that way-"
"We parked out back!" you call back.
You pass the door to behind the restaurant and head straight for the back to the bathroom instead, pushing the door open and leading him inside.
He's whining, nearly dropping to his knees the second the door is shut. You don't let him though, fingers digging into his hair, pulling him up and he hardly minds.
The lock clicks and he whimpers at the sound.
And then your lips are on his.
A downright disgusting mix of spit and teeth and tongue, a sinful mess that makes his head spin, his hands flying to paw at your body, searching for something-anything to hold onto.
It's hungry and it's consuming, moaning and messy, sucking his tongue into your mouth to which he gladly accepts. His body going limp in your hold, leaning against you, into you.
It's almost as if you're trying to devour him alive, taking and taking and taking everything he can give.
Until he feels lightheaded and floaty from lack of oxygen and the weak grip he hold around your bicep goes completely lax. When you're both out of air and your own lungs burn is when you pull away, heaving air in huge gulps as he looks at you with dazed eyes.
He's in shambles and it's one of the hottest things you've ever seen. The attitude he had been harbouring before melts away into something pliable and easy and so cute.
Your fingers brush over his cheekbone and he eyes them. The rings, your rings glimmer in the lighting of the room, calling him in like a crow to a shine.
Your touch is light, almost a brush. Like he's made of glass or porcelain, fragile and dainty, a precious object to be treasured and cared for. Over the slope of his nose right to the and down to his lips, so soft and so gentle it's like you're afraid that you're going to break him.
"You're so pretty Gyu." This kind of gentleness surprises him, but he won't reject it. Not when it's you touching him, making his head feel fuzzy and warm.
But he wants more, needs more. "You can be rough with me. I can take it." The words are drunkenly slurred, intoxicated off of your touch and voice and taste.
Your eyes harden in an instant, as if you were waiting for this. Waiting for the little shit to brat out again.
He's flipped so quickly his head is left reeling, moaning as his body is roughly shoved against the counter.
"You're such a brat." open mouthed kisses trail down his neck, teeth scraping against his skin, leaving marks and claims he'll appreciate later and appreciates now. "A fucking brat, who doesn't know how to fucking behave." His nails claw at your scalp as his head falls back, mouth opening to let out raw hearty moans. "I'm gonna ruin you."
It's a promise. A threat. Everything in between. Everything he loves. Everything he's been longing for.
Hands fumble, rushed and wanting, trying to tug his shirt over his head as quickly as possible, unbuttoning his pants to see that he is, indeed, not wearing any underwear. Not regular boxers or decorative panties he wears to rile you up. Nothing.
And you can almost feel back with the fact that he's had to go all night with his poor dick just rubbing against his jeans but then you remember exactly who's fault that is.
Beomgyu waits. Waits for you to touch it, put it in your mouth, do anything but you don't. And he gets impatient.
His hips roll forward and you roll your eyes. "How about tonight," you zip his pants back up and crystalline tears run over his cheeks. "I make you cum with only your nipples, huh?"
It's a rhetorical question. You don't care what his answer will be, you'll do whatever you want anyways. But you do know how much it messes with him to tell him exactly what you'll do to him.
"You have the most beautiful tits, don't you baby?" he pants at the words, at the way your eyes sweep over them obsessively. Only looking, letting the suspense build before even you can't bear it any longer.
"Be good for me." And then you're twisting them and pinching them, cupping his pecs in your hands.
His breath hitches when you lean forward and lick over one of the red hard buds pervertedly, tracing it with your tongue and basking in the way he tastes, in the way he sounds. Pausing to listen to his whiny gasp.
He keens as you wrap your lips around his nipple, giving it a careful suck, swirling your tongue around it. Spit starts to coat his chest, he doesn't care, he just wants more, needs more. "Ple-I-i need, i need."
You give one last lick and look up at him, pupils lust-blown, lips puffy. "Need what Gyu?"
He doesn't know. He can't think, he can't decipher which way is left and which way is right when you do this. He's so sensitive, his nipples are so sensitive. It's one of the things you love so much about him, how something as simple as this could cause such a reaction.
"Ne-" He tries to talk but his tongue only lolls out, trying to keep his eyes focused so he can see straight. "Need," He whimpers and squeezes his eyes shut as tightly as possible.
"Shh, relax, I got you."
He gasps and grabs a handful of your hair as your lips attach to his chest once more. You begin to suck again, this time you carefully let your teeth graze his skin, circling around.
Mindless babbles and incoherent words fall from his lips. His eyes squeezed shut, blocking out the sound of chatter outside and the bathroom counter cutting into his spine. Blocking out the world entirely to focus on you.
You and your mouth, sucking harshly before licking over it softly and switching over to the other in a tortuous pattern.
He pushes your head closer, arching his back, urging without words to be a little more rough with his chest, to stop being so nice.
You growl and it vibrates against him, making his head fall back, debauched cries and porno worthy moans escaping.
"M-more," He gasps, "More!"
It's an obligation, one you could hardly ignore.
And so you bite him-hard and he sobs out, tears dripping down his cheeks.
He's so sensitive, his nipples are so sensitive. It's one of the things you love so much about him, how a simple bite could cause such a reaction.
Because to him it’s ecstasy, all encompassing and overwhelming; it’s pure bliss, a drug pumping straight into his veins like the teeth that dig into his flesh, the blunt nails that sink into his back to keep him in place while he nearly screams, the sound only muffled by his shirt that you quickly press into his mouth.
His teeth dig into the fabric as ropes of cum cover his chest and pants. He doesn't care.
Pleasure and pain, mix together like euphoria stealing the breath from his lungs and making his legs tremble in the best way.
His jeans are probably ruined. He's vaguely aware that he's going to have to leave the restaurant like this. Cum-stained pants and a look on his face that tells that he's been fucked. His shirt drool-soaked and rumpled.
The bite inevitably stops, your head coming up to look at him. He feels so sad. He wants more. He wants everything. You look almost smug at the utter ruination written across him face, the way his eyebrows scrunch together, the way his hips rut forward.
Kisses are placed all over his neck and collarbone, sweet before getting rougher and rougher.
Your lips curl against him and he realizes his mistake.
Made a hundred times worse by the fact that he's been a menace all day long.
"I didn't hear you ask for permission pup."
A squeak escapes Beomgyu as your fingers pinch at his nipples once more. Mean and unrelenting at the oversensitivity they now have.
"Now I'm gonna make everyone out there hear you beg for it."
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a/n: enjoy this bc it's the last thing i have queued until i get back, which hopefully won't be that much longer than when this comes out
but besides that, hope you enjoy! it's partly also influenced by this post here and the dialogue prompts!
--
taglist is open here: @hobihearteu, @shincode, @lemonhongjoong, @d7dream, @laylasbunbunny, @maru-matt, @xcookiemonsteer
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f0ofishies · 2 months ago
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Don't look back
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Being apart of the itoshi family, others might seem you've got lucky being blessed by two superstars of footballers. Now you're not as good as them, but you did used to have the same passion as them. You remembered when you were little— straining your ankle crying like a baby. You remembered vividly on how Sae's arms held you up as Rin was already running up to your parents. "Mama..! she's hurt..!"
"Rin, that hurts..!" Your little whined echoed through out your own bedroom. He was tending to your foot, with some cream to soothe your injured ankle. "But its supposed to be—" Sae couldn't help but sigh, "Let me do it." His voice caught the both of you off guard. "I thought you had school?" Your voice interrupting the silence.
"I skipped." Both you and Rin had widened eyes. "No fair!" Rin taunted as you agreed with him. "Yeah, no fair..!" It wasn't until you both stopped complaining that Sae had bribed you both to play on his Nintendo DS. So the whole day, the three of you were just sucked into the game— both claiming it'll help with the recovery of a sprained ankle... it really wasn't.
Now that was a distant memory, another one you also remembered was when you were waiting for your family in the airport. Before Sae could even board the plane to go to spain— you've unexpectedly ran towards him.. puffed up cheeks, tears streaming down. You crashed into his chest as you sobbed. "Don't leave—!"
A plea came out of your mouth as Sae couldn't help but hug you as tightly as you did to him. Even Rin joined in on the hug, his arms wrapped around the both of you. "I'll come back.." You whined once more, burying your face into his shirt soaking the fabric. "You gotta promise—" You remembered the silly little pinky promise he did to you before he left.
Watching Sae come home from Spain— broke your heart. "Sae..?" You called out to him, he looked cold and that scared the teenager you. "What do you want?" You froze in your place, "Rin is still out late.. can you fetch him?" Your voice low as you watched your oldest brother leave. And that was when Rin came back home, but Sae didn't. "Rin where's—" "I don't want to talk, sis."
It was even worse when Rin got accepted to bluelock. You huffed going out to see Rin practicing near your house, "Rin..! You haven't eaten!" You watched as he ignored your pleas— he was kicking the many footballs aligned to the goals.
"It's getting late, come back inside, please!" One thing led to another, and that was when Rin kicked the ball to your direction as you narrowly dodged it. "What the hell, Rin—"
"Shut up! I don't need your concerns. And I dont need a little sister."
That statement broke you, you've just locked yourself in your own bedroom. Both parents didn't know how to handle the both of you, so when Rin left— their little ray of sunshine daughter was gone. Highschool started, you couldn't balance them at all. Grades failing faster than you could even count the number of days that passed.
You've had it— you couldn't care less what happened to your brothers. The news displaying their names, your parents joyous for their sons while you shut off the news rolling your own eyes. You were going to change, and that was when you saw a college worth going, it even had its own foundation. And now we're back at the present, of where your true life started.
You've fallen in love, made friends, got broken up with, and even moved to another country far from Japan without the support of your own brothers. Rin and Sae weren't on your mind anymore, nor did you even care on checking up on them. It wasn't until someone had said two young men were looking for her.
Opening the dormitory door to see both Rin and Sae, covered in their big puffy jackets. You froze, looking up at them. Before one of them could speak, "Don't." They both were here— why? Did your parents tell them? You wanted to slam the door in front of their faces. "We were worried... how come you didn't ask us to go to your high school graduation?"
You scoffed, "I never had one—" They both froze now, but Rin came forward. "How?" You bit your lip, "I went into foundation before I could graduate, but of course, how could you know? Football was more important." Sae sighed. "You know that's not—" "But it is the truth..! Or are you blind?" Your words echoed in the hallways. Both Itoshi brothers froze at the harsh words.
"You know Blue lock changed my career.." Rin whispered, approaching you, you backed away. "Yeah, and completely wrecked our connection as siblings." Sae interrupted, "And I was busy with the—" "Don't even talk, you have no right.. when you left out of nowhere!" Your voice echoed, it mightve made people heard the commotion going in the dormitory.
"What I want both of you is to leave and never come back because I'm not your little sister anymore." They both looked shocked— how could you say that to them? "But you are our.." You had to push Sae away from you, it was clear they didn't thought things through. They just wanted to see you, their little sister on where she's been.. even going as far to approach her.
"No, she died when you both left and never looked back. Now leave."
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iwantdrpepper222 · 25 days ago
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rhapsodic
nam-gyu x reader
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summary: bad first experience doing drugs and nam-gyu has to help you through it
req: no one, i literally just started this account aha lol
note - firstly, i am so sorry if this fic seems to be long, i usually get carried away when i write and forget not everyone wants to read an 100k letter novel. second, this is a personal AU of mine where nam-gyu and reader are dating but they are not in the games.. i might write a different fic where they are in the games or something :p also.. guys.. ik i said this would be out on friday but things happen, i got all caught up in stuff,yknow... my apologies.
also this just a tad bit cringe. excuse me, i haven't wrote in some time.
tags: mention of drugs, alcohol, throwing up because of substance use, dead dove-ish??? a bit angst-sty but also fluff, im not sure how to do tags uhhhh
also, i did happen to be listening to cigarettes after sex while writing this so this is just a tad inspired by their song "cry". (also somewhat inspired by A$AP rocky?idk) enjoy!!
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you had never supported your boyfriends decision to do drugs. in fact, you constantly tried to discourage him from it and convince him to get sober. he would always respond with,
"okay, i'll try."
but you knew it was a lie. he wasn't trying for shit. it made you begin to speculate that nam-gyu had cared more for a high than his relationship with you.
you had never liked nam-gyu's job either. you thought that it made him indulge further into his harmful addictions and habits. of course, that came with being a club promoter, but there were other jobs out there that could get him just as much money as he made now.
everytime you commented on this he simply just snickered and said you "were in his business too often." "what a caring and loving boyfriend you are." you would reply, and it would always end in a harsh argument.
you were tired of the treatment you got from him.
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one night, nam-gyu had invited you to come to the club he worked at with him. he egged you on by saying things like,
"oh it'll be fun though" and also remarks stating "you wouldn't want to embarrass your boy, showing up with no girl you know."
you couldn't help but fall victim to his guilt tripping and agree. at least it gave you an excuse to doll up and wear a dress for once, right? you never got the chances to do those things like a normal girl your age would. (20-25) you were always working attempting to provide for not only yourself and also your boyfriend. it didn't make it any easier that you were in a TON of debt.
whatever, this night could give you a chance to debrief and thats all that matters. as long as one of nam-gyu's annoying, bastard friends don't come up and bother you, you should be fine. (hehe foreshadowing)
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it took you a few hours to get ready that night which very obviously stressed out nam-gyu. he has a thing for worrying he wouldn't get to places on time. the wait was worth it though when he had saw the beautiful black dress you decided you would wear. it highlighted the curves of your body perfectly. the dress was about mid-length and came strapless at the top. inevitably, you felt a bit insecure. you were so used to wearing hoodies, sweatpants, baggy t-shirts and the occasional shorts that it felt almost wrong to be wearing something as pretty as this.
"what? is something wrong?" you spoke up as you noticed nam-gyu staring at you. it made your heart flutter with the way his eyes softened up and the tinge of blush that you could now see on his cheeks. he looked how he looked on the day he first asked you out.
"no.. nothings wrong. you just look.. you look really good babe."
you blushed intensely at his comment. it made you glad that he actually liked what you wore. i mean, it wasn't like you needed his validation but it sure as hell felt great when you were able to get it.
you two then began to walk out of the door and on your way after exchanging compliments and giving each other a kiss on the cheek.
well, the drive to the club was... just a little bit awkward.. in your opinion at least. you kept noticing the desirable gazes nam-gyu gave you and how he slid his hand up and down your thigh. you being in the passenger seat was his favorite thing. this was because he had easy access to touch you.
this wasn't surprising at all. you knew very well that nam-gyu's love language was physical touch and you actually sort of loved that about him. the way he was so clingy and touchy made you feel special. before you met him you were depraved of that.
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entering the club made you nervous as all hell. you never liked being around large crowds of people and nam-gyu knew that.
he smiled as he hugged your waist behind you, like he was trying to let everyone at the club know, "hey this is my girlfriend!!"
this quickly changed though when he saw his friend thanos. thanos stuck out from most of the crowd with his purple hair and multi colored nails. he was an upcoming rapper and was getting fairly popular.
"whatts up my boy nam-su!!" he greeted. 'nam-su? thats not his name. you questioned in your head trying not to pay much attention.
"is this your girlfriend you brought with you?" thanos asked. nam-gyu nodded, putting his hand on your shoulder.
"yep, her name is Y/N."
"hello Y/N, you look very good tonight." thanks spoke approaching you. you only backed up closer to nam-gyu, which made him chuckle.
"well.. if you guys don't mind, come to the room i have set up for us. its a bit private, yknow?"
"alright. cmon Y/N." nam-gyu gestured, pulling on your hand as thanos led them to a room a bit closed off from the rest of the club. when you entered you saw two girls and a random boy. you knew none of these people which filled your body with anxiety.
"sit down guys," thanos said as he sat down on a chair next to the two ladies.
you and nam-gyu ended up on a couch together.
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time skip and it has now been a hour or so since you two arrived at the club. seeing all these new people around you made you nervous. the only support you had in this moment was nam-gyu and it didn't seem like he was paying much attention to you anyways. he just lousily hung his arm around your shoulder. another bead of sweat rolled down your face as you looked at the bag of pills that laid on the glass table in front of you. 'it's not for me.. you repeated in your head. something in your gut told you should leave before something you regret happens. you watched as nam-gyu continuously sipped on his glass of alcohol and slipped various pills in his mouth. you hated everything about this. suddenly, you then hear a low but smooth voice speak. it was that purple haired guy again.
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"so Y/N, what do you prefer? ecstasy or snow?" this startled you. was he asking what drug you preferred? ...none?!
you looked up to nam-gyu for an answer or at least a little bit of guidance but instead of helping you he just grinned. his eyes had a bit of red on the whites and you watched as he slipped another blue tablet in his mouth and this is how you knew he was out of it.
"none." you mumbled, refusing to look him in the eye.
"nam-gyu, is this true? your girl doesn't do anything?" girl? really?
"cmon thanos.. she does.. she just doesn't wanna admit it alright?" your boyfriends speech slurred. it was the mix of the alcohol and random drug he took earlier really kicking in. you mean, he always rode out his highs nicely, he never acted too stupid, but you guessed he took one too many this night.
"so she wouldn't mind taking a few lines or so?" 'thanos' questioned, tilting his head.
you started to loose your mind. why was nam-gyu straight up lying about you? you had never done a drug in your life.
"no.. no she wouldn't," he began. "cmon baby, the lines right there." nam-gyu said pointing at the table. in front of you there were 3 messy white lines of what you could only assume was cocaine. you stared at him helplessly, almost like you were screaming at him to leave this place.
"what are you waiting for Y/N? we didn't do anything to it." thanos added, breaking the silence between you and nam-gyu. you began to think about what he said earlier at the house, how he didn't want to embarrass himself with (or even without you. if you didn't snort up these lines, you would be proving to his friend that nam-gyu lied. would you really sacrifice your dignity for nam-gyu though?
he gave you that lovely dovey sweet look he had on his face when he was high and that immediately made you break eye-contact with him. it swooned you a bit too much.
you finally decided to reply to thanos, and also make your decision on what you were about to do. "i.. i know you didn't."
you then began to slowly get off the couch and from nam-gyu's grasp, sitting down on the floor with the lines in front of you. you had no idea how you could do this. you only ever watched nam-gyu do it, and it always made you so mad. so mad you couldn't even focus on the motions nam-gyu made when he snorted that stuff up.
taking one last deep breath you lowered your nose down to the table and tried all your best to snort it up. it stung and left you sneezing and coughing when you were done. when you looked over to ur side to see nam-gyu's face and reaction to what you had just done he was just smirking cynically. thanos and the two other girls sitting next to him on other hand were just laughing and giggling, this made you feel tiny. you had always hated it when people were laughing in your face.
you couldn't do anything about it so you just rolled your eyes.
"go on, do one more." the purple haired freak spoke up. you just looked down. you weren't sure if you were able to do another one or not.
'don't embarrass nam-gyu..' you repeated in your head. this was the only reason you were betraying yourself, because you didn't want nam-gyu to look like a fool in front of his "friends." so, you took another line.
when you finished you were ashamed of yourself. you couldn't believe you had just done a hard drug just for the sake of a boy.
"do you need a drink to wash that down?" nam-gyu finally spoke. happy to hear his voice you quickly agreed and got up to sit on the couch near him again. when he asked you if you wanted a drink you didn't know it would be alcohol though. this worried you. you didn't think you could stomach both alcohol and drugs... and you were right.
nam-gyu had handed you his half empty cup of svedka vodka waiting for you to take it from his hands. you shook, cursing yourself mentally.
you quickly gulped most of the vodka down, it felt hot down your throat and tasted like hand sanitizer. you weren't a big fan of this stuff.
when you finished drinking you found nam-gyu rubbing your back comfortingly. no matter how mad you were at him you always melted at his touch.
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the rest of the night was a blur. the mix of the vodka and also the drugs did not sit well with you. you sort of just watched as the girls, thanos, nam-gyu, and some other random guy conversed, trying to swallow the fact that you felt like you were about to blackout. you hadn't even realized that its been about 5 hours since you first got to the club.
you laid in nam-gyus arms watching as the world around you warped and twisted and felt all the sudden very hyper.
"f..fuck." you whimpered, quickly getting up and covering your mouth. "i need to .. go to the bathroom." you mumbled again, hearing someone snicker behind you as you began to speed walk over to the bathrooms. getting there was a bit of a struggle as you had to navigate through sweating dancing bodies and loud music which only made your ache worse.
when you made it to the stalls you quickly crouched down the nearest toilet and began to throw up your own guts.
you hadn't known that when you left the room that nam-gyu had quickly followed behind you.
when you heard him entering the woman's bathroom you thought it was a stranger so you instantly tried to shut yourself up. you were so out of it you forgot to even shut the stall door behind you. sweat poured down your forehead as you heard footsteps behind you, looking over only to see nam-gyu's sweet face.
"it's okay.." he nodded, grabbing your hair and holding it back for you. you took this as an initiative to get the rest of the stuff you had in your system out.
by the time you were done you were crying and sniffing regretting everything you had done that night. you quickly flushed everything you just threw up down and fell into nam-gyu's arms. you didn't have anything to really say to him so you just cried, your tears landing on his black shirt.
he didn't say anything either. he just stroked your hair like you were some kind of pet.
"i wanna go home." you muttered to him--your tone was serious.
"yeah, i think its time we go." he agreed as he helped you up, wrapping his arm around your shoulders.
on your way out of the club he simply just gave thanos the 'yknow' look and he nodded in response.
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the drive home was strange. you could feel yourself actively falling in and out of sleep and for once you were in the backseat instead of the front-seat.
when you made it to you and nam-gyu's apartment he grabbed you and took you inside the building bridal style. this sent butterflies through your drunken body because even out of your mind you still knew this wasn't how he usually treated you. you clung onto him anyways.
inside, he set you down on your guys bed. he laid down next to you turning himself over so he could see your face. he brushed some of your hair out of your face and stared at you with desire in his eyes.
ironically, there happened to be some water on the nightstand. he grabbed it and slowly brung it to your lips, helping you get some water intake.
you felt a little better knowing you now had a little bit of water in your system.
suddenly, he grabbed your body, pulling you into a sweethearts cradle and hugging you tightly. his body was warm like a heater. it felt great compared to the cold night outside.
you buried your head in his chest feeling his heartbeat against your cheek.
you never wanted to let go of this moment.
to the soft vibrational hums you then fell asleep being cradled in nam-gyus arms.
why couldn't every night be like this?
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neerons · 23 days ago
Text
Some of Yves Kloss’ best quotes
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"He caaaaaaaaame! " (—Yves screaming about Clavis)
"You're the most common commoner I've ever seen. You have no redeeming features to speak of. Why should I accept someone like that?"
"Choosing me shows how sophisticated you are. You won't regret it." (—Yves' changing route quote)
"Y-You call that a CAKE...?" (—Yves reacting to Clavis' gift)
"If this shameless behavior goes on any longer, you’ll find out what happens if you test my patience. I suggest that you don’t." (—Yves defending Emma in front of a noblewoman that bullied her)
"ExCUSE me? What on earth are you doing hiding in my closet?!"
"Excuse me? And why not?! I’m going to tell everyone, so we can figure out how best to punish her for what she did to you! (…) Huh?! Hey, no, you’ve got it all wrong! This isn’t kindness! I just know I’d end up with the worst stomachache if something happened to you because of me!" (—Yves defending Emma)
"Why should you have to be the one to carry such a heavy burden? This is a problem between two nations. It’s not the sort of thing a simple, kind-hearted woman like yourself needs to get involved in."
"…Emma really is amazing. I could never do anything like that. I always wanted to be a bridge that could bring Obsidian and Rhodolite together… But I was despised just for being half-Obsidianite, and I accepted it all, like it was completely normal. I never did a single thing to actually improve the relationship between our countries. I didn’t even think I could. It takes courage and resolve to approach someone when you’re completely at odds with them. It’s not easy, not in the slightest. I bet it’s left Emma in tears countless times. But even so, she’s still here now, holding her head high and taking that first step towards peace. She really is… amazing. (…) She’s so beautiful it’s dazzling. (…) I’ve spent my whole life with my head down, seeing nothing but the ground at my feet. I really need to change—I need to learn from her example." (—Yves talking about Emma to Leon)
"Fhwhwh...?! Oh my god. How is my little brother this adorable?!" (—Yves talking about Licht)
"Know this: Yves Kloss loves you, and he's always thinking about you. There's not a day you're not in his thoughts."
"You do realize you're pretty, no matter what?"
"For the record? Each time you make me happy, I swear I'll make you even happier."
"H-Hey... Have you really not noticed that I, Yves Kloss, am waiting for the right moment to talk with you?"
"U-Um, Emma... Don't tell me you're... with both of them...?" (—Yves talking about Emma holding Gilbert's and Clavis' hands)
"Just the thought of being tossed into a den full of women sends a shiver up my spine..."
"Did you just say... LOVE?!" (—Yves to Licht and Leon)
"I guess you captivated me. You were always striving to be perfect, and... that's the Emma I fell in love with."
"Y-You think you can just be all cute and get away with it, huh?"
"Please don't cry, Emma. When you cry... my heart aches so badly I don't know what to do."
"I'm not a prince to be pitied. It doesn't matter if no one accepts me. The only one I need acceptance from is me. (...) It doesn't matter what other people say. What's the point, if you can't trust yourself, and believe in your own worth? Even if they trample you under their filthy, worn boots—so long as you hold your head high and believe in yourself, it'll only make you stronger."
"Okay, which of you gave Licht wine?! How many times have I told you not to?!"
"There are so many people in the world who hate me. But... I hate me more than any of them."
"Aww, Licht, don't be so down. Failure is an unavoidable part of cooking!" (—Yves reassuring a sulking Licht)
"I'm never making dessert for any of you ever again!! You're all horrible and you can eat dirt for all I care!"
"I am NOT a cat!!!"
"...I know that kindness of yours is probably a virtue, but I can't help worrying that you're going to kindness yourself to death one day."
"What? No! I didn't meow. Why on earth would I meow?!"
"You're my goddess of happiness. I... thank you for coming, Emma."
"He's such a brazen fool! Not a principled bone in his body, and he's incorrigible to boot!" (—Yves talking about Nokto)
"Listen, you didn't hear this from me, but... Licht made almost five hundred attempts before he baked an edible batch of cookies. (...) That boy really loves you a lot. So much that it gives me heartburn just thinking about it."
"I often get told that I don't have luck. But when I talk to you, I feel like my life isn't all that bad."
"I hope she comes soo... WAHH! W-Warn me when you come!"
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