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tworoadsandapenny · 1 year ago

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TMNT Christmas Carols: III. I'll Be Home for Christmas

I very much liked writing this one. Because angst and I are apparently best friends.

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III. I'll Be Home for Christmas

Don walked around the room, a light smile on his face. It wasn’t much; just a few pieces of garland, some tinsel, and a couple strings of multicoloured lights, but to Don it was better than any Christmas decorations he’d ever seen. The room wasn’t very big or extravagant, had no windows, and only the one door, which gave it a more intimate feel. Raph was going to hate that. But it was inevitable that Raph was going to hate something about this get-together. He hadn’t exactly been the cheeriest person lately. Not that Don could blame him…

He’d been through a lot. All his family had.

Which is why Don was determined to make sure they had at least one night to relax and be with each other.

As he was checking that everything was in it’s place, Don smiled to April and Casey when they walked in.

“You sure we should be doin’ this?” Casey asked as he took a seat on one of the old couches.

“Too late to cancel now.” April placed her gift under the pile of sticks taped together like a tree as Don checked the lights. “Besides, it’s tradition.”

“I just mean the guys might not be in much of a Christmas mood. After everything that’s happened…”

Don saw Casey glance his way by the tree and averted his gaze.

It was his fault… but there was nothing he could—

“That’s why we need to do this.” April interjected. “They need family right now more than ever.”

Don was about to add his two cents when there was a knock at the door.

“Hola, dudes. Are we late?”

April smiled. “Fashionably, as usual.”

The orange-banded turtle laughed, stepping through the door with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes, followed closely by Raph and Splinter.

“Thank you for welcoming us into your home, April. I know things haven’t been easy for you as of late—“

“Please,” April cut in with a hug. “You guys are family. You know you’re always welcome. I’m just sorry the new place is so small. With all that’s happening in the city lately, it’s hard to find available spaces. I hope it’s not too cramped.”

“It is safe. That is what matters most.” Splinter looked around at the decorations, the candles, and then to his children who were already rough-housing with one another, and smiled.

Don noticed his father’s content gaze and nodded; this was a good start. It had been a while since he’d seen his father smile like that. “Wait, where’s Leo?” He asked, looking around the room.

Almost on cue, Leonardo appeared in the door, closing it quietly behind him. His face was stoic and calm, as always, but there was something in his eyes Don had noticed growing over the past few months. Something cold and hollow. Leo, out of everyone, hadn’t been dealing well with recent events, and Don was more than a little worried. Because while his older brother’s obsessive tendencies could be an asset in certain situations, in this case they were only driving him into the ground.

Don was determined to change that.

“How was your run, Leonardo?” Splinter asked, knowing full well a training run was not where his son had been.

Leo only shrugged. “Uneventful.”

The ice of his brother’s tone was heartbreaking, and Don wasn’t the only one who took notice. Raph tensed the minute Leo stepped through the door, finding anything on the floor to distract him, and Mikey’s smile fell further from his eyes than Don had seen it in a while.

How could he fix this? “Leo—“

“Jeeze, Leo!” Casey snapped his hand away from the turtle’s shoulder. “You’re like a block of ice! How long were you outside?”

“Dunno.” Leo looked at his hands vacantly, and Don could tell his brother didn’t feel the cold.

“Well warm up by the fire, bro.” Mikey insisted, pushing Leo to sit by the small, makeshift fireplace in the wall. Raph scoot further away on the couch to make room, still refusing to make eye contact.

“We brought pizza and some snacks, if you guys are hungry.” April offered, attempting to part the tension in the air.

“Pizza!?” Mikey didn’t need to be told twice. He swiped a piece, wolfing it down in a single gulp. “Man, I can’t remember the last time we had pizza! Tastes just as delicious as I remember.”

“How would you know?” Raph scoffed, pulling his eyes from the floor after sneaking a glance at his older brother. “You literally just inhaled that. Did it even have a chance to touch your taste buds?”

“Don’t be jealous of my mad pizza skills, Raphie-boy. We all have to be good at something!” Mikey offered his brother a slice. “I’m good at devouring pizza, and your good at being a grouch.” He grinned, pulling the pizza away at the last second and scarfing it down himself.

“Mikey!”

“Just stickin’ to my strengths, bro.”

Don chuckled, enjoying the banter far more than he expected. But his eyes drifted back to Leo, who was staring at the floor, his gaze as distant as Don had ever seen it.

Almost empty.

What could he—

“Here.” A piece of pizza was unceremoniously thrust in front of the leader’s face. Raph turned away as Leo looked up, still unable to meet his brother’s gaze. “Eat it. Before the pizza-vacuum over there steals it all.”

But Leo only stared at the food, uninterested. “Not hungry.”

“Come on, bro,” Mikey piped up, moving to Leo’s side. “You gotta eat something! You look like you haven’t eaten days!”

“I’m not hungry.”

Don sighed heavily. Raph looked like he was about to throw the pizza in Leo’s face, and a fight was the last thing they needed right now. “Leo…”

“My son,” Splinter came to Leonardo’s other side by the arm of the couch, placing a paw on his shoulder. “You must eat to keep up your strength. Your leadership is needed now more than—“

“I can’t.”

The crackle of the fire emphasized the sudden silence. Leo wrung his hands together, his calm façade beginning to crumble.

“Leonardo—“

“I can’t do it, Sensei. I can’t—… How can you still trust me? After what happened to the city… to—”

“It wasn’t your fault, Leo!” Don practically shouted. But his brother paid no mind, his face twisting as he ground his teeth.

“It was my fault. I should have known. Should have seen it coming. Should have done something—anything! But I was too late. I didn’t—couldn’t—!” The walls of his guarded heart were falling apart, Don could almost see them crumbling. But his oldest brother simply sucked in a breath, steadying himself, and stood. “I should go.

There’s talk of Shredder setting up another base on the other side of town and—“

“My son—“

“I’m sorry, Sensei. You guys should celebrate without me.”

“Wait, Leo, you can’t go.” April moved closer as Casey stood in front of the door. “Please… stay.”

“I can’t…” Leo glanced around the room at the decorations, his eyes falling on Don by the fireplace.

Don froze. The sadness that passed through his brother’s eyes in that moment was immense. Gut-wrenching.

His fault.

“Leo…”

His oldest brother took a few steps towards him, that piercing stare seeming more sharp the closer he got. “…I’m sorry.”

Don was at a loss for words. “Leo, it wasn’t—“

But Leo blinked, and it was gone. “I have to go.” Just as he turned from the fire to leave, a strong hand gripped his shoulder.

“It ain’t your fault.”

“Raph, I don’t have time—“

But Raph only stepped closer, his face only inches from his brother’s. “Don’t think you’re the only one feeling this. We all do. We’re all hurtin’. And having you brood around feeling sorry for yourself ain’t helpin’ anything.”

Leo glared. “Stand aside, Raph.”

“I ain’t lettin’ you leave.”

Mikey tried to diffuse the tension. “Dudes, come on, we’re supposed to be celebrat—“

“You think you can stop me?” Leo stood tall. Unphased.

“Yes.” As did Raph.

The silence grew, choking the words from everyone in the room.

When suddenly, Raph stepped forward and wrapped his arms around his older brother. Everyone, particularly Leo, blinked in surprise.

“We need you, bro. We won’t get through this without you. Can’t…”

Don could see Leo’s muscles tensing, but his face softened from the anger it held before.

“Raph, I—“

“It wasn’t your fault. None of this is.”

Leo stood stiff as a board, his eyes so downcast Don couldn’t see what was in them.

“He’s right.” Mikey nodded, standing. “And you know how much I hate agreeing with the grouchy one, so it has to be true.” Raph smirked as Mikey wrapped his arms around Leo as well. “We’ll get through this. bro. We will. Together. I know it.”

Leo didn’t look up, his body so tense it was almost trembling. “…But I—“

“Leonardo,” Splinter place a paw on his son’s arm. “We may never find what was lost. But we must remember what we still have.” He gestured to the group around him, making eye contact with Don as he spoke. “Remember that we still have each other.”

April and Casey both moved closer, joining in the group hug as Leo looked around at them all. His eyes landed on Don once more, the sadness still overwhelming.

“I’m sorry…” He whispered, letting his head fall onto Raph’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry…”

Mikey and Raph both gripped their brother tighter.

“Don’t be a dumbass.” Raph grumbled.

The group smiled uniformly, holding to their little family circle as the fire crackled behind them.

Don smiled as he wrapped his arms around his family. He felt it. Stronger than he had in eight months, he felt it.

He felt his family. Felt their love.

The smile crept wider as Mikey cracked a joke about Raph’s body odor and Raph retaliated by thumping him across the head. They would be okay. He’d make sure of it. His brothers were the strongest people he knew. They would be okay.

Leo managed a small smile as the others broke off to grab more pizza and stop Mikey from opening the presents. He turned back to the fire, staring at Don once more.

“Little brother...” He reached out towards the tall turtle, his hand going right through Don’s face to touch the picture frame behind him on the fireplace mantle. “You’ve no idea how much you are missed.”

Don only chuckled. He knew. He knew how much his brothers loved him. Could feel it every time he closed his eyes.

“I’m here, Leo.” He whispered reaching out to touch his brother’s plastron above his heart. “I’m always here.”

Leo felt warmth spread through his chest. He smiled.

“Thanks, Don.”

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In case it isn't clear, yes, this is a SAINW story. It's about 6 months after Donnie's disappearance, and Shredder is just starting to gain power over the city. Hope it makes sense. If not, let me know, comments and critiques are always welcome.

End of Line.

-TRAaP

#tmnt #tmnt 2003 #tmnt bayverse #tmnt fanfiction #tworoadsandapenny #traap #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt 2012 #tmnt splinter #tmnt donatello #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt christmas carols #I'll be home for christmas

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