#I'd rather spend that time with them since i won't be seeing much of them for a while soon

[jedi-bird]

So I'm not going to say I failed nanowrimo this year, because I did manage to write two chapters of a scifi story I've been trying to write for years and then moved on to write two more chapters of a little red riding hood retelling. I only stopped writing the scifi story because I managed to lose half of my notes that I've been building up for years and my brain is mush so trying to remember things while writing was making me angry. So it's not a failure, it's more of a realization that this year, yet again, it was not meant to be. Too many real world distractions and too many problems. But with luck next year I'll have less emergency doctor visits and more ability to just focus on a daily basis and I'll finally get something done.

[comicaurora]

I'm sorry that the terfs made their way onto your blog but it does feel good to see you support trans people. Thank you for that

Always.

I think, charitably, that the discourse going down on that post is an extrapolation and over-focus on one element of the point I was making: that for me, determining with certainty that I was cis was a rather fraught process. I was presented with many alternatives, but underlying their imposition on me was the oddly regressive idea that the things I liked, the principles I valued, the parts of myself I was proud of were not permitted of women. My whole life I got smacked with the background radiation that I couldn't like being strong because women aren't allowed to be stronger than men. I couldn't like being loud and boistrous because women aren't allowed to take up space. I couldn't be a math geek because women aren't smart. It was all deeply regressive misogyny from day one, but I started getting hit with it slathered in a fresh coat of paint - all those assumptions still held to be true, but now there was the out that I could do all those things if I just wasn't a woman.

Concluding that the underlying bioessentialist premise was wrong was very important. Absolutely none of those statements were true, and were only ever maintained by cultural saturation, goalpost-readjustment when they were actively disproven, and the occasional bout of lying with statistics to pretend they weren't just Shit All The Way Down. The core premise that certain things were only permitted of or possible for men was bullshit, and I didn't need to surrender the gender I liked best in order to play in the spaces I wanted to. I could simply exist the way I was already existing. I didn't need anything else.

The misinterpretation is the assumption that this being true of me means this is everybody's relationship with gender. I turned out to be cis, so for me, feeling that holding onto my assigned gender wasn't allowed was distressing - just another invocation of the same bioessentialist bullshit I'd been dealing with since the preschool playground. This is because misgendering is fundamentally denying that a person has the right to express themself the way they want. When aimed at me, it says I'm not performing traditional femininity well enough to deserve my pronouns. The same disrespect is the root of misgendering when aimed at trans people. "Perform your gender to my satisfaction or I will confiscate it."

The problem is, bioessentialism is 100% ingrained into the terf playbook, which is why, for instance, all their shitty talking points about trans athletes eventually boil down to "no woman can ever defeat a man in any contest because we are simply naturally weak and stupid and there is nothing we can do about it" and quite frankly nothing disgusts me more than the defeatist acceptance of the very lie that feminism is dedicated to overcoming. Instead of accepting that the paradigm of bioessentialism is a false dichotomy right from the jump, they embrace and weaponize it against the people whose existence proves the dichotomy is a lie. If gender essentialism is fundamentally false, then it is nobody's fucking business what anybody does with their gender. If the lines don't exist, nobody needs to enforce them. And yet there the terfs go, hunting down people whose lives are none of their business and trying to argue that they represent some great and terrible evil, some downfall of society made flesh, something that makes it totally correct and normal for them to spend so much time thinking about strangers' genitalia. They want this to be a noble crusade so badly they won't even examine what flag they're flying.

I love and support the trans people in my life and will always, always stand on the side of your right to exist, but alongside that, terf rhetoric especially disgusts and infuriates me because it is, at its heart, utter cowardice. The world told them they were weak and stupid and inferior and they fucking believed it. And now they think Fighting The Good Fight For Women means turning around and using the same paradigmatic weapon that hurt them to hurt the people whose existence outside the binary proves the weapon is a lie. They're the same shithead schoolyard bullies who made me believe my entire existence was foundationally wrong for years of my life and I will never, ever side with them or the shitty, cowardly rhetoric that contributed to the loneliest years of my life.

Figure out who you are and do it on purpose. Find the real source of the misery in your life and try fighting that instead of the other crabs in the bucket. Trans rights.

[entitled-fangirl]

I'll find you.

Cregan Stark x wife!reader

Summary: the high Septon visits Winterfell, and Cregan would rather do anything else with his time than spend it with the priest.

Warnings: religious trauma, bad theology, blood, fighting, vulgar words and name-calling

Masterlist

.......................................................

"I don't want him near her."

"My lord, please. You and the Lady must greet him most welcomingly. He's an important ally."

Cregan gritted his teeth. "He's a fucking fiend. I'll not have him anywhere near her. I'll greet him myself."

The maester sighed, "You cannot keep her away from him the entire time. It raises suspicion."

"I find myself hardly caring."

"Speak to her on it, my lord. Perhaps you'll come to an arrangement."

…

"You're worried about a septon?" She asked in a confused manner.

"You've ever had your gut wrench at the thought of someone?" He asked.

She leaned against the back of her chair with her head tilted in thought, "I suppose so."

"Septon Garren has no regard for life itself. I'd make a better priest than him."

She rolled her eyes, "We're his hosts. We still make the rules here, Cregan."

He sighed and sipped his ale. "I know that. Still, I'll not have him disrespect you."

"I'll stay at your side. How does that sound?"

He let out a long breath, "You won't wander?"

"I won't."

"Fine. Fine."

…

Septon Garren exited his carriage with a scowl that looked like it was permanently marred to his face.

He looked around at Winterfell with a look that screamed he was unimpressed.

Cregan stepped forward, keeping Y/n behind him, "Septon. How wonderful to have you join us."

He grimaced, "Yes. Yes. Very well."

Cregan had to hold back a sigh, "I've not seen you since I was young. Might I…" He paused, forcing himself to continue, "Might I introduce my Lady Stark?"

Garren's eyebrows shot up at that.

Cregan reluctantly pulled her in front of him, his hands never leaving the woman's body.

She smiled and held out her hand, "A pleasure, Septon Garren."

Garren stared at her hand with an unimpressed stare.

She awkwardly lowered her hand and leaned back into Cregan. 

Garren finally spoke, "'Tis colder than I imagined."

Cregan gritted his teeth in frustration, "Yes, well. You did decide to visit at the beginning of winter. So, I imagine it's much colder than King's Landing."

Y/n felt the tension, "Might we go inside? You must be weary from your travel."

Garren's eyes wandered over her slowly, as if seeing something that she didn't. "Yes. That would be fine."

Cregan sighed and pulled Y/n along with him, leading them into Winterfell.

…

"He doesn't seem that terrible, Cregan."

"You've no idea, my love. He's like a spider."

She scoffed lightly, "C'mon. He's unpleasant, yes. But you make him seem like a demon."

"He's the closest you'll find."

She sighed in frustration. "I am going to fetch my book from the library. When I return, I expect you to have pieced yourself back together."

…

She picked up the book she had abandoned in the library, turning around and jumping in surprise.

Septon Garren stood in the doorway.

Just staring. 

She held the book to her chest, feeling exposed for some reason. "Septon. Forgive me. I didn't hear you."

He grunted, continuing his stare. 

She was unsure of what to do but stare back. He was in the door way. What else was she to do?

She made herself walk the various shelves, pretending to scan for a book. 

He continued his stare. 

She finally sighed, "My husband told me you've been the high septon for three kings now."

Garren grunted, studying her. 

She looked around, very uncomfortable. "I'm sorry. I should return to Cregan."

He moved one step to the side and grumbled under his breath, "Flee from me, Eve."

Her brow furrowed, "Hmm? I'm sorry?"

He stared with a glare now.

She quickly made it back to Cregan.

…

Cregan had decided to give the man a single chance due to his wife's words.

So he sat over his dinner, trying his hardest to converse with the man. 

"My friends in the south tell me the weather has been fairing nicely this season."

Garren grumbled, "Aye. A fair amount of rain."

Cregan nodded and sipped his wine, "I see. We're all snow. I understand the feeling of rain."

Y/n leaned forward with an intent to speak, "Tell me exactly what it is you do?"

Garren's brows furrow, "I'm the high septon."

She bit her lip, "Yes. But… what exactly does a septon do?"

He frowned, "Girl does not know the jobs of a septon?"

Cregan's chest puffed out on instinct.

"No, I'm afraid I don't. Please tell me." She tried to reason.

"I… I communicate with the Seven, and relay the message to the people. I perform exorcisms and offer sacrifices to our gods, old and new, to please them."

She hummed, "Oh… is that all?"

Cregan held back a chuckle.

Garren frowned but said nothing. 

…

Late that night, she sat up from the bed, unable to sleep.

Cregan snoozed loudly as he always did.

It seemed to be the only time he was in a state of pure relaxation, so she never dared to interrupt it.

She pushed herself from the bed and ran a hand through her messy hair in an attempt to calm it. 

After throwing a robe on over her small clothes, she left the room to spend her time in the library until morning. It was a common routine for her to do so, and none of the servants ever batted an eye when she did. 

But when she walked into the library, she froze to see Septon Garren there. She let out a soft gasp that caught his attention.

He turned, a new look in his eye, "Come. Sit."

She held her arms over herself, "No, I couldn't. I'm hardly appropriately dressed. I… I did not expect anyone else up at this hour."

He titled his head, "It does not bother me, my child. Sit."

She forced herself to talk slow steps to him, sitting down on the sofa next to him. 

He watched her closely, letting his eyes wander over her. 

"Couldn't sleep, I suppose?" She asked awkwardly.

He stared at her, debating something. 

He leaned towards her, grabbing her wrists and pulling her arms away from her body, making her expose herself more to him. 

She watched him in freight as he took her in more. 

He finally spoke, "'Tis a shame."

"W…What is?"

"The curse of women."

She let out a breath, "I… I'm sorry."

"You believed you could seduce a high septon? You're certainly a bold one."

She lightly scoffed as her hands began to shake, "W.. What?"

He grinned a sick smile, "You've succumb to your nature, girl. Don't play the fool when your septon discovers so."

She tried to pull her hands out of his, to no avail, "Stop."

He bit his smile back from growing wider. "I bet you've fooled the Stark lord." He leaned in, "No man but a holy one can outwit the dealings of an evil cunt."

"Let me go."

He stands, pulling her up with him, "On the contrary, girl. I believe I know just what to do with you- something Cregan Stark doesn't have the guts to do."

Her eyes welled up with tears, "I haven't done anything… I haven't… I haven't done anything."

One of his hands moved up to her hair, gripping the strands at the back of her neck harshly. "Let's go, Eve."

She could only comply as he began to drag her by her hair with no remorse.

He pulled her from the library and began to pull her down the corridor.

She began to cry, "Stop… please… pl… stop."

He laughed, "Now Eve uses her tears to plead for forgiveness. It's typical."

She tried her hardest to pry his fingers from her.

"You see, every woman is a reincarnate of Eve, sent by Satan to test us all. It's a man's job to keep her evil at bay." He leaned into her ear, "And yours has done a poor job of it, it seems."

She misstepped, tripping herself and falling to her feet. 

He reaffirmed his grip on her hair and tugged her up harshly. 

She let out a loud shriek in pain. 

He pulled her the rest of the way up, letting her go and slapping her across the face so hard, she fell again. 

She cried at the pain that throbbed in her face and head. "I didn't… I… Creg… please."

Garren grabbed her by the hair again, "Don't worry. I'll beat it out of you, girl."

She hiccuped, desperate for breath through her panic and tears as he continued to drag her down the corridor. 

"Please stop… I… I'll do anything… let.. let me go."

He gripped her chin tightly to pull her face to him, "You'll feel better after a proper beating, I assure you."

She felt the smallest but of determination, and she spit in his face.

He let out a grunt and took a step back. His anger grew tenfold suddenly, and he let out a full swing on her. 

She screamed at the pain as she fell to the floor another time.

Blood seeped from her nose profusely.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!" Cregan's voice boomed from down the hall. 

He stood in his usual cloak, no doubt thrown over his small clothes. 

She hiccuped but made no effort to move from the ground in worry of having him see the blood.

"My lord," Garren began, "Your wretch attempted to seduce me in the dead of the night! You've not done your duty!"

Cregan's eyes widened in pure anger. A fire was lit behind the pupils. "My what?"

"Your wretch."

Cregan immediately began swinging, throwing a series of punches at the man.

She sat herself up, looking down at her shift and robe that now were stained with her blood. She let a small whine at the uncomfortable feeling of the liquid running from her nose. 

She let out a grunt and pushed herself up on shaky legs, immediately leaving as quickly as she could.

…

"Let me in."

She turned to look at the door, pausing the patting of the wet cloth to her nose.

She couldn't let him in like this.

"Leave this for the morrow, Cregan. Please."

She heard his feet shuffle.

"I'm not leaving this door until I'm done with the conversation."

"Well, I do not wish to converse."

"Let me in, or I'll break it down now."

She quickly got up, moving to it and unlocking it. But just as quickly as she had gotten up, she moved back to the vanity.

Cregan stepped in, assessing the room before his gaze settled on her, "My gods."

She turned her head to him, immediately beginning a sudden sob at the look in his eyes. 

He took a step towards her, but she shook her head, "Stop… d… don't please."

He paused, "You've got to let me see."

She shook her head more, "Don't come near me."

Cregan felt offended, "Love, why not?"

"I… I'm… nothing. I don't… I can't take more today… please."

His eyes softened, "What?'

She sniffled, "I can't take another beating, please, my lord."

He felt his stomach drop. "I… I'm not gonna hurt you, my girl."

Hot tears continued down her face, "I didn't mean to. I didn't know he was there…"

He nodded, "I never doubted you. I never did." He took a slow step forward, "Can I look at you?"

She studied him in deep thought before nodding. 

He let out a breath of relief and knelt in front of her, taking her face in his hands gently. 

"Nasty hit, huh?"

She scoffed, "That's all you've to say?"

He grimaced, "I have much to say, trust me, pretty."

When her snivels multiplied with the promise of more tears, he quickly corrected himself, "I'm not angered with you."

She looked at him through a blur of tears, "You're not?"

His brows came together, "How could you think that? Of course not. A man beat my wife, and you think I'm mad at you?"

"If you believe him.."

"About what?" He asked incredulously. "You know the horrid things I'll do to that man for what he said?"

She sniffled, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head, "Stop that."

She nodded, "Yes, my lord."

He let out a frustrated sigh, "No. Don't say that."

"What do you wish for me to say?"

"Doesn't matter. You're to call me whatever you wish. You know that." He paused, "Has he brain washed you so easily?"

Another tear fell down her cheek, "I'm just lost."

He nodded and wiped the tear, "I'll find you then. How's that?"

She let out a shaky breath. "Please."

He took the cloth from her hand and tilted her head up as he began to dabble the cloth across her nose.

She spoke after a while, "You can't kill him. He's the high septon."

"He touched you. I'll do whatever I wish with him."

"You'll make an enemy of King's Landing."

"Don't care."

She sniffled, "No?"

"Do you think I'm a formidable opponent because of my worry of making enemies? No." He rubbed a tender spot and apologized, "I'm a formidable enemy because I don't stop until I get what I want."

"And what do you want?"

"His head on a spike and you in my arms."

She smiled, "You have one of those things already."

He chuckled and threw the cloth onto the vanity, "Indeed, I do."

She gasped when he picked her up and took her to the bed.

"In the morning, I'll have them both. Until then, I'll enjoy what I have."

...................................................

Cregan Stark taglist: @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @callsignwidow, @8812-342, @nyxbranwenn

[genshingorlsrevengeance]

More Furina asks? You don't need to ask twice :)

How about Furina and an assortment of Genshin/GFL characters taking care of a sick S/O? Thanks in advance if you write it!

Taking care of a sick S/O

(Genshin Impact/GFL/iDOLM@STER/GG:ST)

Genshin: Furina, Chiori, Clorinde, Navia, Shenhe, Xianyun, Xinyan

GFL: UMP45, UMP9, G11, HK416, WA2000, Helianthus, Angelia, Kalina

iDOLM@STER: Madoka

Guilty Gear: Elphelt

Congratulations, dear follower! You have won the lottery of where I write an ungodly amount of characters for no real reason! (Simping is the reason)

(Furina) "Y-You're sick?...Hm, this shall be no problem for me! Worry not, for you are in great hands!"

They were in fact not in great hands.

Furina doesn't really know what to do for someone when they get sick. Hell, she wasn't entirely sure she could even get a cold.

But Furina would try her best, she heard soup would do good!

As for cooking it-

(Furina) "Don't worry, I will get the best soup in the city for you! I will be back in but half an hour!"

She ain't.

Furina manages to get S/O to at least feel happy with her company, even if she had no idea what to do other than pace around nervously.

When she's out of earshot and they're sleeping somewhat comfortably, she takes a deep sigh, thankful she wasn't entirely useless.

(Furina) "Thank goodness they'll be okay..."

Chiori raises an eyebrow the moment she hears her S/O cough violently.

(Chiori) "Come down with something?" sigh "Oh well, guess I can open a little later than usual."

Even if S/O protests that they're fine, Chiori is hearing none of it.

First she makes sure to get everything they need, ranging from food or medicine and looks back from the door.

(Chiori) "I'll be back once I close up shop. Make sure you follow the instructions on that."

She won't baby anyone, since she trusts S/O to take care of themselves.

But should they get worse, she won't hesitate to close up, at least for a little bit, and experiment with her clothing at home with them.

Chiori would much rather deal with S/O's illness than having to deal with illness the customers give her by just breathing the same air.

Clorinde has her duties to attend to, but she reassures S/O with a gentle squeeze of their hand.

(Clorinde) "I will return home as quickly as I can with medicine, until then please rest up."

Clorinde is a little nervous leaving them alone and getting peace of mind once she's actually back and not dealing with the drama of the court or the public in general.

Even though it's unfortunate S/O got sick, she is at least happy to spend the time with them that she can.

And more importantly, that she's here to help take care of them when they need it most.

Clorinde puts a warm towel on their forehead, a small smile forming once she sees their body relaxing.

(Clorinde) "Are you feeling better, S/O? Here. This is from a lesser-known restaurant I enjoy, their soup is quite refreshing."

With a snap of her fingers, Navia already has a gaggle of men under her command fetching medicine, food, entertainment.

Whatever S/O required, they would get it!

As for her, Navia did not intend to leave their side, not really caring about the risk of getting sick.

She hated getting sick herself, and she knew how boring it'd be to rest in bed.

Instead, she regales S/O with tales from her childhood, interesting things she's learned, or even just enjoying the time with them in an intimate silence.

As long as they were smiling and not thinking about how sick they were, it was mission accomplished.

(Navia) "Ah, that must be our food arriving! Allow me to set up the table-...Hm? No no, stay right there! I insist that we have nothing short of an exquisite atmosphere! A better atmosphere is a better state of health, I'd say!"

This was an area of expertise Xianyun was well researched in.

Taking care of her many disciples when they were younger, this really was no problem for her.

There was nothing quite as refreshing like Adeptus Medicine!

...Well, it could actually be too refreshing since it wasn't particularly made for mortals in mind. Especially the taste, according to Shenhe.

Regardless, they could heal the body in no time, but there was nothing better to help with it than a well made soup!

Made by her personally, of course.

(Xianyun) "One has prepared a broth to help with your stuffy nose, S/O. Be sure to drink it all, it will warm both the body and soul!"

Xinyan is rushing around the harbor, grabbing every medicine she knows that always helped her in a pinch.

(Xinyan) "Here ya go, S/O! These herbs taste gross, but they'll pack a heckuva punch for that cold ya got!"

She practices her guitar while sitting next to S/O, keeping in mind of the volume the entire time.

As long as S/O wanted some company, anyway.

Xinyan will constantly check their temperatures and bring them some homemade food, smiling when she sees them laughing or relaxed on the bed.

(Xinyan) "Heh, that herb tastes gross, don't it? I used to have them all the time when I was little, sure as heck don't like 'em nowadays!"

UMP45 would tease S/O for getting sick, with a little bit of a softer expression than usual if they were alone.

(UMP45) "Aw, you got sick? Well, good thing I'm a T-Doll. Have fun with that.~"

She hangs out with S/O on the bed, giving her an excuse to not go out that day.

Depending on how severe the sickness was, she would dial back her usual snarky attitude more and more.

If anything, these kinds of moments is what she wished for, once she no longer had to fight.

But for now, UMP45 would just have to make do with these fleeting domestic dreams.

(UMP45) "...Hm? I'm lost in thought? Nah, that's just your sickness messing with your head."

UMP9 is on the case!

(UMP9) "No worries, you won't get bored while I'm here!"

She immediately plops down onto the bed, giving warmth to S/O if needed! The base was in a colder region after all.

UMP9 would talk about excitedly about all the things she had in mind to S/O, to at least get their mind off being sick!

Plus she didn't really have to worry about getting sick herself. so there was no harm!

She'd also bring all sorts of treats and food from the Cafe, even if S/O couldn't really eat it.

(UMP9) "Here's some soup! Now, say 'aaah'!"

(G11) "...Does that mean you won't be cooking dinner tonight?"

G11 sighs heavily, but whatever.

She knew there was one thing she could help with.

She immediately crawls into bed with S/O, letting herself be used like a giant teddy bear and promptly falls asleep from the warmth of S/O and the blankets.

(G11) zzz

To her credit, she at least makes sure S/O is never freezing cold, but other than sleeping, she doesn't really do much.

Unsurprisingly.

(HK416) "Tch, idiot. I told you, you should have been wearing more layers."

She rolls her eyes, but never really comments on the fact she is making sure S/O is bundled up properly, getting proper medication, and even spoonfeeding them.

Of course she's not babying them, they were a fully functional human, if anything they're wasting her time, making her do such mundane things!

(HK416) "And I'm not blushing, T-Dolls can't blush, dumbass."

Which her flushed cheeks were telling S/O otherwise.

In the end, she'll grumble and mutter under her breath, but never once will she actually hesitate to immediately jump into help S/O, unless UMP9 was teasing her.

WA sighs dramatically, immediately putting the blanket over S/O.

(WA2000) "Tch, don't get it in your head that I'm doing this because I'm concerned! It's so that you can get back to your duties already."

She is yet another German tsundere T-Doll that takes care of S/O perfectly, down to getting them a new towel down to the most precise nanosecond.

WA still attends to her duties, but S/O's room is where she returns the instant she can.

(WA2000) "Has your fever died down already?...Finally, next time take better care of yourself! What would happen if I wasn't here, huh?"

Helianthus has S/O attended to by medical officers, and makes a trip to them in person.

(Helianthus) "I'm glad to see it was nothing serious. I hope that it is a swift recovery, S/O."

In front of the others, she is extremely professional.

But in private, it's diminished somewhat but she is far more prone to getting flustered.

(Helianthus) "...W-Why do you look so surprised to see me? It's not as if we never see each other! Hmph, if you're trying to tease me, then you must be feeling better already. Then hurry up and return to your duties!"

Helianthus is far more comfortable when she knows they're remaining in the medbay and receiving the best care Griffin can offer.

Angelia is pretty neutral on the situation.

S/O got sick? Welp, sucks to be them.

Work doesn't really stop for her, but she'll at least pay a visit or three.

(Angelia) "Hey, still feeling like crap? Thought so. If you need me to grab you something, let me or any of my girls know."

Although her tone sounds dismissive, her real hand ruffles their hair affectionately before she turns to leave.

And if they can spare the time, Angelia orders DEFY to at least keep an eye on S/O until they fully recover.

Kalina pouts when she hears S/O had gotten sick.

(Kalina) "Aw man, now I gotta pick up your paperwork too, S/O! You wound my very soul!"

She's only mostly joking.

Kalina likes to bug them after her shift is over for the day, deflating on their bed and mumbling into their blanket.

(Kalina) "Did you know the Commander just plopped another stack of papers onto my desk the moment I said I was done! It's cruel!...STOP LAUGHING, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE SICK YA LITTLE PUNK!"

Madoka has her work as an idol keeping her busy, but after work she pops by S/O's room, water and medicine in hand.

And as usual, her expression remains stoic.

(Madoka) "Hey, got some stuff for you. Move over for a sec."

She takes care of them without saying much. Her gaze is focused, yet soft.

And once Madoka is finished, she avoids looking at them directly, her voice a bit quieter than before.

(Madoka) "...It's a bit pointless to thank me, it's something anyone would do."

It could be S/O's imagination, but they thought they saw her face getting slightly red after helping them.

She gives their arm a slight squeeze in response, still averting her sight.

(Elphelt) "Just do what I do when I have problems! SCREAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!"

Being a Valentine, she was pretty sure(???) that she couldn't get sick. At least, not in the same way a human could.

But she doesn't like to see anyone sad, her S/O especially.

Elphelt brings S/O all sorts of things to see that smile, such as bush dog plushies, bush dog photos, bush dog songs-

And sweets! Lots of sweets as well!

(Elphelt) "...What do you mean you can't eat cake right now?...Oh, you're right! Duh, I should've brought some ice cream instead! BE BACK IN A JIFFY!"

Before S/O can say anything, else, she's already gone.

At the very least, S/O won't be bored while they're sick.

Did Elphelt make them feel better?

...Even mentally, that was up for debate. But at least they knew she loved them.

[touyasdoll]

Humanity

pairing: Touya Todoroki/Dabi x fem!reader

word count: 1.1k

warnings: reverse comfort, implied unproteted sex but no smut, touya has feelings™, he's a little mean for a second but its resolved

notes: he just needs a hug okay?? I would coddle this man until the ends of days 🖤

“I fucking hate you,” Touya grinds our through his bared teeth.

“Keep telling yourself that, but I know the truth, handsome,” you reply easily.

He bristles at the word ‘handsome’. No one has ever called him that until you came along. Not since his mother spoke that word to him as a little boy and he still doesn’t understand why you use such a word to describe him.

“You love me, Touya. I know you don’t love yourself. You don’t even know the meaning of the word, but I could change that, if you’d let me,” you say more softly.

His shoulders sag at that. He lets down the tall, imposing walls that he’d spend so many years constructing for just a moment, but he props them right back up again.

“Fuck you,” he spits. “I don’t need this. You were an easy lay and that all.”

He turns on his heel, intending to leave your apartment, but it’s hard. Harder than he thought, especially when you’re baring your soul to him.

Why tonight? Of all nights, why now? He can’t take this.

“If that’s what you need to tell yourself,” you say as you slip out of bed, heading towards the bathroom to clean yourself of the evidence of what you both just did together. To rid the proof of his seed between your thighs.

“It’s the truth,” he insists as he makes for the bedroom door, but he finds it difficult to actually turn the handle.

He watches you slip into the bathroom, appalled when he discovers that he can’t seem to drag himself out and finds himself sitting on the edge of your bed instead.

You return a few moments later, not much surprised to find him still sitting there. He does crave the love that you have to offer him and he knows it deep down, as much as he loves to vehemently deny himself of that pleasure.

"You're still here," you point out, your voice soft, a gentle whisper carrying through the chill in the room.

"I can't fucking leave," he whispers and even in the dim light of your bedroom, only the midnight moon offering light to the space, you still spot the bead of crimson rolling over his cheeks as he keeps his gaze fixed on the floor.

He never lets you keep the lights on when you do what you do. He says he just prefers it that way, but you know it's because he's too embarassed to let you see him properly with all his scars and marred skin on full display, even though you've told him countless times that you still think he's beautiful that way.

"You don't have to," you insist gently as you pad closer to him, approaching him as one would a cornered animals, because that's what he is in this moment. "I'd rather you stay anyway, Touya."

"Stop calling me that," he hisses, his voice growing more quiet. "I never should've shared that name with you."

His name. The one he'd uttered to you after mere weeks of coming to meet you in your bedroom late at night, when the city was quiet, but his mind was busy, too full of the events of the day and the wight of his goals weighing on his crumbling shoulders. He hadn't regretted it then and if he's being honest with himself, he didn't now. Not really, anyway.

"You don't mean that," you whisper, taking a seat beside him to rest your hand on his knee.

It's the truth and you both know it. He looks down at your hand and it only makes it that much harder to reject you. Why can't he shake you? Why can't he walk away and stay away?

"I don't," he admits, clenching his teeth as he feels an unfamiliar pressure just beneath the seams of the staples lining his under eyes. "And I—," he cuts himself off.

He wants to insist that he hates it, but that isn't the truth either. He doesn't hate anything about you or this or the things that you make him feel, except the fact that he knows he's going to fuck it up. he knows it won't work. You will disappear like everything else he has ever actually wanted in life and he is powerless to stop it.

"You what, baby?" You ask as you work a hand into his hair, your fingers gently massaging his scalp beneath his mussed midnight tresses.

"I'm no good at this, doll," he says almost inaudibly, his tone laced with pain and tight as the scars beneath his eyes. "I've never done this, but I know that I can't. Not with you. Not to you."

They begin to leak, seeping crimson tears over his cheeks that threaten to snap your heart in two when you spot them.

"You can't know that if you've never tried, Touya," you insist gently as you rest your head on his shoulder. "And this doesn't have to be anything if you don't want it to be."

"But you want it to be," he points out, his arm slipping around you to hold you close to him as his hand glides up and down your arm. "I.. I do too, but I'm.."

"Afraid," you finish, tilting your head back to look up at him. "I am too. That's okay. It's scary and that's not a bad thing. It doesn't make you weak or inferior. It makes you human."

Human. Something he hasn't felt for a long time. That's what it is about you. You make him feel human. You make him feel iike someone worth loving, worthy of being able to try to love another.

"That's terrifying. I hate it," he says, staring blankly at the floor of your bedroom.

"Makes sense coming from someone who doesn't seem to fear anyone else. Wecome to your humanity," you say softly as you tuck your face into the crook of his neck.

You wrap both arms around him, holding him dearly as he does the same to you. He turns his head towards you, nuzzling against your scalp before he presses a kiss to it and closes his eyes.

"I think I do love you, doll."

The words are timid, but they're honest. The most honesty he's offered you or himself since you two had met, but they feel right. A small smile turns up the corners of your lips as you hold him a little tighter.

"I love you too, Touya."

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Are You Sure?! - Episode 5 observations

7.5/10 ☆

A couple fights over nothing in front of other people, creating an atmosphere full of tension. There's questions in the back of the audience's mind. What is underneath all that bickering? What lies under that perfect initial façade of a couple who knows everyting about what ticks the other one? They are rude, sometimes loud, sometimes they forget there's other people there. It makes a guest uncomfortable. So much so that the guest would rather leave than spend one more second there.

Is this Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf or Are You Sure?!

The Jeju trip has now ended. On a rather anticlimatic note, but a result of a day in which the need to actually stick to a format of a travel show went directly out the window. Another filler, in which the guest was ready to leave from the moment he woke up (which he did).

Episode 5 did not nothing but merely reinforce what we saw the previous day in terms of relationships dynamics. Which was to be expected. People don't change over night and they weren't put into situations that might allow for other facets to rise to the surface. Once again, Jimin and Jungkook are going about their day as a duo, as a team, as a couple, as bj brothers, you name it. The show had already been establishing that from day 1 of their trips around the world. There's the everpresent "we" and then everyone else surrounding them. From conversations at dinner, to spending time together at night, getting ready to go out or just staying indoors while one of them is taking a nap while the other is cooking nearby. Snapshots of a couple life.

One that bickers because of very stupid and silly reasons, but being together on the joke and knowing each other's boundary. A lot of people can spend years together and still wouldn't care when they cross the line.

I wanted a real fight and instead all I got was nonsense over spam or pink sausages. But I won't dwell too much on it because it's not necessary. Although it did add to the neverending list of Tedros not being able to understand the mood. He takes Jungkook's reaction seriously, he doesn't understand what Jimin is trying to say when he calls himself weaker on the boat (when Jimin did nothing but reveal his strength kink). It simply shows that his humor is not the same. And perhaps current mean spirited voices are a mirror of him, unable to take a step back and realize the nuances and meanings behind what people do and say.

There are now five weeks since AYS began. And somewhere between 5-6h of footage of Jimin and Jungkook which come after a long time of not seeing them together, despite knowing that they are together and have been throughout some major events in the last couple of years, which culminated with their joint enlistment (they might be forced to go, but it was a relief to hear them having a laugh about it in late September).

It is a shame though that the result of this show, which for some of us is a real treat as we finally get to see Jimin and Jungkook outside the specific type of silly BTS content, has also become an opportunity for complete denigration of this pair. In part by their own so-called fans. No one is forced to watch it. If the need to look for clues that reveal imaginary conflict or lack of closeness is the thing that gets them off, I'd rather not see it. Unfortunately, it is inescapable. These are people that do not deserve anything nice.

I'm excited for the final segment of the show and I want to cherish those next three weeks, even though it will all be over then. I hope there's a real return to the intimate component. Which doesn't meant fairytale happiness. It just means a glimpse into the last days of youth and freedom to be together in a way that had then to be put on hold as the harsh reality of forced "military adulthood" came knocking at the door.

[rosehxnt]

why am i me?

characters: deuce spade, cater diamond, leona kingscholar, kalim al-asim, vil schoenheit summary: you can’t help but compare yourself to those you see on social media warnings: overall mentions of insecurity about appearance/personality, reader wears makeup (vil), kind of implied post book 4 (kalim), possibly ooc, anyone can be pretty, grammar is what i want it to be

Deuce Spade  “Why is everyone on this app prettier than me?” you mused, looking through the pictures of various magicam stars. “Ugh, I hate it here,” you said dramatically as you threw your phone down against the couch.  “Did someone say something?” Deuce was already on his feet, ready to fight someone on your behalf.  With calculated words and good reasoning skills of course. Not fists, never fists.  “No one said anything I just feel…” you trailed off, hoping you didn’t have to say it but your boyfriend’s look of concern pushed you on.  “…lackluster compared to everyone else.”  "That's not true!" His enthusiasm about it almost startled you. "I think you're the prettiest in all of twisted wonderland."  "But look at all these people." You went to retrieve your phone but Deuce intercepted you and tossed it on a nearby table. You were slightly concerned about the state of the screen but were quickly distracted.  "Those people don't matter right now, so stop comparing yourself to them." He sat next to you. "I like you how you are, and I won't stop reminding you of that until you realize you're just as pretty, if not exceeding in prettiness, compared to everyone else."

Cater Diamond  He couldn't say he didn't relate to you, but other things were more important at the moment.  Cater watched your frustrated face as you tried to pull off the latest trend on magicam. He wished he could secretly capture it and post it with a 'totes adorbs' caption but he had promised you not to do that without permission.  "I can help you if you want," he offered from across the table.  "I got this," you assured him. "I just need to figure out how they did this one part."  You also needed to figure out how they did the part after that, and the one after that.  Cater could tell, and you could tell that he could tell. There was no other option at this point.  "Okay, I need help."  The next few minutes consisted of Cater leading you through the steps of the trend but you just couldn't get it down like everyone else seemed to. Cater could sense the previous frustration was close to making you even more upset.  "How about you do it this way." He shifted your phone so it'd be easier.  "But it looks cooler the way everyone else is doing it," you said as you moved it back in place.  "What if we do it as a couple? That'll be cool."  "You promise?"  "I promise," Cater said as he took control of your phone again.

Leona Kingscholar  Laying next to Leona in his bed, you scrolled through your magicam feed to find that some students in your class were throwing a party.  "Do you ever feel like we're not fun enough?"  He barely shifted to look at you, his green eyes opening to meet yours.  "What do you mean by that?"  "Like we never go to parties or school events and stuff." You sat up. "Places where people have fun."  Leona was sitting up ever so slightly now. "Do you really want to hang out with people you barely know?"  You stopped to think about the excruciating small talk you'd have to go through since as far as you knew none of your friends were going to be attending.  "I know I'd rather be spending my time here with you," Leona broke the brief silence. "It's fun in our own way."  "Really?"  "You heard me, herbivore. I'm not gonna say it again." He settled back down.  Giving no response you dove back to where you were laying. Leona grabbed you by your waist and pulled you towards him, settling his face in the crook of your neck. You smiled, knowing spending the evening in his arms would be much more fun than some party.

Kalim Al-Asim  With your living conditions being less than ideal, you couldn't say you had the resources to buy any trendy or expensive clothes.  This often caused you to silently lament over the fashion of others, sometimes growing into jealousy. The worst part was that you felt bad whenever you became envious of your boyfriend, Kalim, who was by no means lacking in money.  Today was one of those days.  Watching him sift through his latest shopping spree you found yourself becoming quieter in your responses. You didn't think he would notice until he spoke.  "Is something wrong? You're not as energetic as normal."  "No, I'm just feeling a bit tired right now." You tried to force a smile as you reassured him. But he could sense something was up with your facade.  "Did you want to go shopping too? I know you said you were busy but we can always go again," Kalim said, moving closer to you.  "I'm fine, I don't exactly have the funds for it anyway."  "I can pay!" Always the optimist, a smile spread across his face. "We can make a date out of it!"  "Thank you for offering but I don't want to use you like that," you said.  "I'll be okay." He met your eyes. "Please let me do this for you."  You couldn't help but smile at Kalim's actions. "Okay, let's go."  "Yay! Shopping date here we come!"  "Maybe we should ask Jamil first," you suggested while you took his hand as he led you out of the dorm.

Vil Schoenheit  You shuffled across the floor of the pomfiore dorm, phone dangling from your hand as students both avoided you and somehow led you to who you were there to see.  "I'm sorry if I'm bothering you but-"  "My dear potato, you could never bother me," Vil turned to look at you. "What's the matter?"  You stared at your shoes for a moment, too embarrassed to show your face even from this far away. Sensing your apprehension, he stood and took even, elegant steps your way.  "If you don't tell me, I can't help you."  You finally raised your head to make eye contact with the man. "I tried a makeup tutorial I saw online and I look like a clown, not in a fun way. I don't understand how the person in the pictures looks so good and I can't."  "Show me what you were going for, I'm sure I'll be able to help."  Over the duration of the afternoon, Vil showed you not only the proper way to perform the look you were going for but also what colors suited you best and the proper technique to use. He even redid your makeup and allowed you to borrow some items from his collection to use for practice.  Vil sat you in front of his vanity mirror, letting you get used to your new appearance. You inspected how the soft hues looked against your skin, how they complimented you much better than the ones before, enhancing your nose and showing off your eye shape.  "I went with something more natural looking," he said from behind you. "I hope you don't mind, liebling, for you are lovely just the way you are."

a/n: my apologies for some being longer than others or more self-inserty but this will be the first piece of writing i'm posting so i hope it's enjoyable at least m.list & rules

© rosehxnt

[merilaurecus]

Companions reactions to Modern!Tav from Earth coming back to Faerûn to visit

Gale (Blackstaff Academy Professor ending)

He was the one to help you get back (with a bit of help from Elminster I suppose)

More than happy to see you (and that his magic worked!)

Will do his best to stay quiet about your little comeback (Tara will do her best to keep him quiet too)

Will offer magic lessons since you're back in the world where The Weave™️ exists (this dude loves magic, won't let an opportunity like that slip, especially when he becomes ✨Professor Dekarios✨)

Will tell you everything that happened in your absence, much like the others

Genuinely happy to have you back, even if it's for a moment

Will cook something, you can prepare an extra pack for faerûnian food from him

Tara demands pets. Just not on the belly.

You're free to spend a while in the Academy, even join some lesson as a guest or a guest teacher

Astarion (vampire spawn in Baldur's Gate ending)

He finds you in the dead of the night, thinking you're one of the bad guys

When he pins you to the ground with a dagger it just feels like the old days

Immediately loosens his grip when he recognizes you

"What in the hells? What are you doi- How did you even do it?!"

Happy to see you as well and does not even need to hide it as he'd usually do

Together you hunt someone that night, for the sake of the old times

You both recall what you've been up to

If you let him drink your blood again he'll be elated

But careful as a babe. This time he'll be good to his words

Surely has some news from the spawn family (if he didn't join them in the Underdark). Reads you some letters from Gur and other spawn. Takes breaks while reading the one from Sebastian. You hug him understandingly

You end up watching the sunrise before the sun is too high and you leave to seek other companions

Wyll & Karlach (yeet into the Avernus ending)

You kind of didn't expect to see them

They went to Avernus after all

They're the ones to spot you

"SOLDIER?! IS THAT YOU?!" are the only words you hear before you're pulled into Mama K's tight hug, unable to let go

Anyway you're not willing to let go. I mean who would want to?

Wyll's surprised too, they're both excited and curious how did you do it.

They were just about to meet his father (obviously), last thing they expected was to see their friend from another world.

You just jump in and go with them, asking how things are going with Karlach's engine, both excited and worried

Finally hearing good news (about the forge) makes you talk about heart surgery again ( @tavshortfortavern thanks for the idea!; also special thanks for inspiring me to write my own headcanons, love Yours!)

You spend the rest of the day meeting with Ulder, training, talking and having a drink in the Blushing Mermaid in the evening with Astarion who 'accidentally' found you

You all almost get too drunk but you don't care, because it's a memorable night

You toast for Gale who pulled it off and thought about it in the first place

Lae'zel (Freeing Githyanki edition)

Also kinda unexpected and brief meeting

You can see she's pleased with meeting you again (even if she's reluctant to show it)

She tries to keep her cool, she's leading a rebellion and most likely has an important meeting here

'Never thought I'd see you. Did you get lost in the realms again?'

After finding out how did you do it she nods in acknowledgement. Probably doesn't want to compliment the wizard

You quickly recall your current state of life and say goodbye, but for longer than usual (a little bit of slavic way of saying goodbye for an hour)

You're sure you spied a smile on her face, but she'd rather die than admit it (if she's with her fellow githyanki warriors)

Shadowheart (both good endings)

Parents freed & alive

She visited Gate for some groceries and maybe running into friends

And exactly both thing happens

She's not sure if she saw who she saw, has to blink and make sure

'You... you're back? How'd you do that?'

'Then it's a fine wine bottle for Gale then. What you've been up to? I was sure I'll never see you again!'

Also turns into a hug mode, girl does not take prisoners

After hearing from you she tells you about her cozy life with her parents

It's pretty much calm, nothing changed much (which is good considering her mother's state)

Can't stop looking at you like you're something magical or just a dream

You grab the groceries and head back to her house where you surprise her parents too

Her mom does not recognise you, but you understand. Her father still shoots out best jokes in this part of galaxy

Coziest evening in a while

Parents freed & gone

Pretty much all of the above but she might have someone on her tail and gets scared you may get hurt (just like in Waterdeep, when you romance Gale she tells you she's been there with someone on her tail exactly)

Gets you under her protection and if you run into any of your companions you're under their protection as well

If not, you'll just happily walk around the city and have some dinner and recall your life after you left Faerûn

But you could easily tell she still misses her parents, which makes you turn into a hug mode too

You may even spend an evening drinking somewhere secluded (beach maybe?)

Jaheira, Minsc & Boo

'The cub has found its way back. Though 'how?' still remains a question'

You explain and she admires how far the wizard has come to get you back for a visit

Minsc does not understand it, but is glad to have otherwordly friend back

Same with Boo, he's vicious but not towards Tav who occasionally fed him with extra snacks

Yes, hugs are mandatory even if none of them will show it (little hug for Boo as well!)

Jaheira is still busy with Harpers network rebuilding, might have to order few of them around as you speak

Takes you to her home where the kids also get a fucking aneurysm because they were sure you coming back was not possible

When you tell her your last life events she looks proud

But, like, tough auntie proud

'Seems like that world of yours is in the good hands'

You try your best not to go with explaining how it isn't so easy back there

Generally a day with the Busy Mom™️, the Madman and his Rodent

Halsin

After you made your little tour at the Gate & Waterdeep it was time for the *trip*

You did your best not to show on the road, just for the sake of surprise

Though you were nervous about the animals you've met

Not because they could eat you, but you remember the wildshape

No bears though, you feel safe

When you reach Moonrise you use every little stealth skill Astarion has taught you

Though your knees protest against that

You spot him somewhere near The Waning Moon, fixing something

Your sneak behind him would make Astarion proud as fuck

Daddy Bear doesn't notice a thing (or so you hope)

With only few seconds to act you just tap his shoulder

He turns back expecting a kid perhaps, but instead his eyes widen upon seeing his old (young?) friend

The one he was sadly sure never to see again

He's not quite sure what to say for a few seconds so you just pull him into a hug

He hugs back with his and probably Silvanus' might

He's just so excited, but fortunately doesn't wildshape (iykyk)

He's also impressed in Gale's skill (even if it involves Elminster)

Eager to show you around, proud of his work, but don't you dare bring it up yourself! (unless you want him to turn into a mouse or just threaten you to do so, even as a joke)

You almost don't recognise the place without the curse

Thaniel & Oliver take you by surprise in turn, but it's also a lovely reunion. Without the curse they're flourishing and thriving, just like the nature around

Whole. Fucking. Ton. Of. Kids.

And stray people willing to start a new life here

But they're all happy and taken care of. It's loud, it's messy, it's chaotic, but it's lovely.

You can easily see Halsin put his heart into that and truly found his place in the world

'My friend. Would you like to stay?' his voice radiates with hope, and if you say yes, he's even more happy. If you can not, he understands

He's surprised you remember about the old druid. You ensure him you never forgot

You help around with the kids & the place, maybe even tell them a story or two to let Halsin rest (even if he's sleeping behind you in his bear form)

You may also get back with druidic magic here, even if you won't use it in your world, Halsin would gladly spend time teaching you and recalling your latest life events

You also visit Art's Grave if he passed away (which could occur)

NPCs REACTIONS WILL JOIN SOON

[la-petite-lapin]

Double the Love | Part Three

Double the Love masterlist

Simon "Ghost" Riley x Johnny "Soap" MacTavish x female civilian!OC Word Count: 1.8k Series warnings (may change between chapters): 18+, Minors DNI, angst, mentions of death, mentions of violence, mentions of poor mental health, injury description, eventual explicit sexual content, polyamory, M/M/F, FMC is bad at feelings, Johnny is a big softie

The guys have a chill day

Ghost yells in his sleep.

I find that out on the second night. His screams wake me up, practically vibrating through the walls of the apartment. I lie awake in bed, not knowing what to do, listening to the faint sounds of Johnny's voice as he consoles him. After a while, a buzzing silence fills the room again.

It takes me a while longer to realise that I won't be able to fall asleep again. Instead, I creep out into the kitchen. It's just gone six a.m. so I just decide to start the day early.

I make myself a mug of hot chocolate - try not to think of those ungodly, heart-wrenching screams - and switch on the TV at a low volume to try and fill the silence. I scroll through my emails, double-checking that the small interior design company I joined last year is doing okay.

This is the first time I've taken any time off since I started. According to my wonderful manager, I deserve a break so they're making me use some of my annual holiday up - meaning I should have two perfect weeks of uninterrupted rest time. Originally, I intended to spend it alone, binging on TV shows and slouching around the apartment in my PJs. Now, it looks like I'll be spending it with two soldiers.

A message alert appears across the top of my screen, so I click on it while I wait for the milk to finish heating up.

JOHN PRICE: Hey Tali, how's it going over there? TALIA KELLER: So far so good. TALIA KELLER: Ghost has night terrors. Johnny seems like he knows what to do though. JOHN PRICE: Ah, yeah. JOHN PRICE: They're getting better. Slowly though.

Jesus. If that was "getting better", then I dread to think what bad looks like.

JOHN PRICE: You're okay with them though? TALIA KELLER: Yeah, it's fine :)

I finish making my hot chocolate then take a seat in my armchair, savouring the low hum of the TV with my eyes closed as I drink. When I'm done, with a belly full of hot chocolate, I start to fall asleep again. I'm almost gone when I hear the soft squeak of a door opening in the hallway.

"Tali? a Scottish-accented voice whispers in the darkness.

I turn around, glancing over the high back of my chair. A pair of blue eyes meet mine. Johnny stands in the hallway, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants and a plain white t-shirt, his expression one of concern. He looks tired; his hair sticking up at odd angles. I can see the padding of the thick gauze bandage over one side of his ribs through his shirt.

"Hey," I say softly, not knowing what else to say.

Johnny bobs his head. After a moment of hesitation, he joins me in the living room, dropping down onto the sofa with a quiet oof. "We woke ye up, didn't we?"

I nod. "Don't worry about it. I'm a light sleeper anyway."

The answering frown that forms on his lips makes me wish I'd just lied. "'m sorry. He hasn't been that bad recently. I think it's being in a new place that's making it worse. He should settle down soon."

"Seriously, don't worry about it."

A beat of silence passes before I say, "So... tell me about you and Ghost."

And, just like that, the discomfort in Johnny's expression melts. His eyes glow with pure adoration, flickering behind me in the direction of their room.

I don't know how much he can tell me - their unit seems pretty secretive, and Ghost seems rather content on keeping me as far removed from their lives as humanly possible - but it's worth a shot. Johnny always seems happy and at ease wherever Ghost is concerned. It's not something that I personally can fathom; Ghost has never made me feel anything other than uneasy.

"We met in the 141. He's my L.T., so it's a bit frowned upon, but we keep ourselves to ourselves so it's never really a problem. On base, we aren't out." A flash of something passes across his face, disappearing almost as quickly at it came. Something akin to disappointment. "John and our mate Gaz are the only people who know 'bout us. Ghost 'as always been private. I did'nae expect anything else."

The corner of my mouth lifts in a half-smile. I pull my legs up to sit cross-legged in the armchair and tilt my head to one side. "I can't imagine him being particularly soft or cuddly."

Johnny barks out a loud laugh. "Nah, that's me. S- Ghost isn't very affectionate. Not physically, anyway. More like acts of service and words of affirmation. That kind of stuff."

"So, what brought you all back to London then?"

"I almost got gutted on our last mission. We're lucky tha's all that happened." He grimaces and lets out a deep sigh, lifting one massive hand to massage his temples. With one hand over his ribs, he settles back against the sofa cushions. "Everything went to shit. Ghost won't admit it, but he's aggravated some old injuries too. And we lost a pilot, and three allied soldiers..."

Alex's face flashes in my mind. His light brown hair mused and messy, his beard short and scruffy - just the way he liked it. The soft, twinkling glow of amusement dancing in his eyes...

"Does that happen often? Losses," I ask before I can think. I don't really want to know - don't want to upset Johnny or hear how common it was for good men to die. Like I don't already know.

Just like that, he's frowning again. "Don't worry 'bout it, lassie. Prolly shouldn't 've said anything. Ruined the moment."

I lift one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. "It's fine."

We sit in silence after that, watching TV as we wait for Ghost to wake up.

By day four, I have a budding friendship with Johnny. We have inside jokes and a handshake. We've even started mirroring some of each other's mannerisms.

I also know that Ghost doesn't like it.

It's around lunchtime when John and another guy - someone else I don't recognise - show up at the apartment, laden with six packs of beer and bags of snack foods. I let them in with a bewildered laugh. The second John's through the door, he pulls me into his arms for one of his signature bear hugs.

"Oh Tali, how I've missed you." The words are mumbled into my hair as I let out a soft giggle, squealing as he lifts me off of my feet.

"I've missed you too. Now put me down before you break a hip, old man."

By the time he's set me back down, the boys are already making themselves at home in the open plan kitchen. Johnny moves around sorting various snack foods onto plates and into bowls, gliding with the confidence of someone who's lived here for years, not days. His other friend - a man with dark, curly hair tucked for the most part under a baseball cap, and dark, expressive eyes - stands back, leaning against the counter with an open can in one hand, taking sips of beer between speaking. Then there's Ghost, leaning against the opposite counter, eyes never straying far from Johnny.

"How have they been?" John asks, his voice low and quiet as he watches the boys interacting in the kitchen.

I offer him a reassuring smile. "They've been okay. Johnny has a brilliant sense of humour; I like him."

John smiles. "Thought you would."

"What are you two ladies gossiping about?" a voice calls from the kitchen, the words laced with an east London accent. I glance up to see the newcomer looking at me, eyes glittering with interest. He must be the local John was talking about when he first called me about the boys.

"Wouldn't you like to know," I say, wiggling my eyebrows.

Johnny's own eyebrows shoot up into his hairline, his mouth quivering before an extremely loud, abrupt laugh bursts out of it. "Well she got you there, Gaz."

Gaz. The last remaining member of Alex's unit that I had yet to meet.

"Where are my manners?" Gaz walks around from behind the kitchen counter, coming to stand in the living area with me and John. He extends a calloused hand for me to shake, offering me a boyishly charming smile as I do. "Name's Kyle Garrick, but everyone just calls me Gaz. Feel free to call me whatever; I'll probably answer to it. What's your name?"

"Tali."

His grin widens. "Nice to meet you, Tali."

I return his grin. "Likewise."

With that, moving with the same natural easiness as Johnny, Gaz walks back to his spot in the kitchen, picking up his beer and taking another sip. I meet Johnny's eyes, noting the reassuring smile and nod that he flashes in my direction. But that also means that I catch the scowl coming from Ghost.

The whole interaction makes me realise a couple of things.

One: Ghost does not particularly like me. Two: Ghost could give me his real name, he just chooses not to. It seems like he wants nothing more than to remain at this level of impersonal with me for the entire duration of his stay, unlike Johnny who seems dead-set on getting to know me. In the four days that they've been here, I still haven't gotten a clear look at Ghost's face. The whole time, he's been wearing a hood to cover up or - most days - a surgical mask to cover the lower half of his face. Anything to keep me at arm's length.

"Hey, pretty lass, do you want a beer?"

My eyes fall on Johnny and the two cans in his hands. There's a hopeful look on his face that makes me nod yes. With a smooth underarm throw, he tosses me a can and flashes me another broad grin.

"Do you mind if we hang out here for a bit?" John asks softly, just for me to hear. When I look up at him, his expression tells me that if I ask him to leave, they will. No questions asked. "There's a footie game on and Gaz wanted to watch it with the lads. It's a tradition we normally do on base, but I'm sure we could find a pub playing it or something."

"Watch it here." I genuinely want them to. I want to spend time with them; want to see how they all interact. And I've missed hanging out with John while he's been away. There's also a small, selfish part of me that wants to see how they all fit as a team. To see if I can spot the gap in the dynamic where Alex would have slotted in; to see what his life would have been like in those last few weeks. "Maybe I want to watch it too. If that's okay."

"Of course it's okay." John's arm wraps around my shoulders. "Which reminds me. Ghost and Soap might need somewhere to stay for the long haul. At least until Soap is fully healed, that is."

I nod slowly. "And you want them to stay here?"

"Would that be okay with you?"

I glance across to the kitchen, watching Johnny and Gaz playfight under Ghost's watchful eye. Even messing around, they're respectful; keeping a mindful distance from anything fragile or expensive. As much as I hate to say it, I'm growing used to Johnny's constant playful presence in the apartment. Even Ghost's brooding is starting to grow on me.

"I think I like having them here. As long as they're both happy, they can stay as long as they like. I can talk to Winnie about logistics if it comes to it."

John nods, the corners of his mouth ticking upwards. "They both seem happy here, Tali. Ghost seems relaxed; that hardly ever happens."

Really? If this is Ghost relaxed then I'd hate to see him stressed.

"Again, ladies?" Gaz heckles playfully. He folds his arms across his chest, clicking his tongue and shaking his head like a disappointed parent.

At that, John straightens, a mischievous glint in his eyes. "We might be off duty, but I'm still your captain, sergeant. Now - all of you get your arses in here."

The three of them head into the living room, filling the coffee table with cans and the various bowls that they've prepared. One by one, they choose their seats for the next couple of hours. As Gaz tries to drop down into my armchair, Ghost shoots him a pointed look, and he opts to sit on the floor instead, eyes twinkling once again.

Hm.

"Right, now everybody shut y'er mouths. I'm putting the game on."

And, with that, Johnny lines up the football on the sports channel and we all settle in.

a/n: happy new year guys! hope you all enjoy this chapter. I know that it's a bit shorter than the last one, but I'm currently battling with a mild case of writer's block this is also a repost as tumblr decided to not show this the first time around - hope to see you all again very soon, lapetitelapin :)

[888sss]

All you had to do was knock

This is NOT proofread, because I'm lazy, and just thought of this so I sat down and typed away.

Theo nott x (Slytherin)reader

(I think I have a crush on all TV characters named Theo)

the title is related to something Theo says, idk if it even makes sense

It was Christmas time, and snow had just begun to fall, you were walking with Astoria, through the shops of Hogsmeade.

"Everyone knows what it means to ask a 'friend' to Hogsmeade," says Astoria. Her brown hair hung over the sides of her face and she looked down at the ground.

"I know! He might be an introvert, but Teddy isn't stupid that's why I'm upset. Pansy even thought Teddy liked me, and then he turned around and asked her on a date." I said.

Theo and I were really close, and jokes about our friendship were often made by our other friends, due to how close we were. I'd liked Teddy for ages, but recently he had started asking me to hang out individually, and sitting next to me at meals in the great hall. He even switched with Blaise to be my potions partner, and I suck at potions. Of course, I didn't mind the extra time spent with him, and I loved his company, but now I regretted it, I felt like I had let him lead me on.

"I'm sure he does like you, Y/N. I haven't seen Theo spend this much time with anyone since, well, never." Astoria reassured me. I'm not sure how she could say such a thing when Theo was literally on a date with another girl right now. We walked into Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and looked to see what new ideas the twins had come up with. Astoria wandered to a display table towards the left wall, "You could buy this, and Theo won't even remember Pansy's name." She held up a glass with a sparkly, heart-shaped label that read, "Love Potion". I smiled and gave her a look of disapproval.

"Too soon?" she asked.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I heard the door open, and a cold breeze made the hair stick up on my arms. I turned to the door and saw Pansy walking in, but rather than Theo behind her, it was Enzo. He scanned the store and waved at Astoria and I.

"Y/N, Astoria! Hey guys what are you doing here?" Enzo asked as he was on our side of the store in a few strides, Pansy following close behind him.

"Hey guys," Astoria gave them both a quick hug, "we're just shopping around, y'know?" Astoria holds up the love potion so that Enzo and Pansy can see it.

"What're you buying that for?" Pansy asks reaching for the glass.

"I'm not buying it, y/n is!" Astoria joked.

"I am not buying that, put it back!" I told Astoria, quickly taking it from Pansy and putting it back on the shelf we got it from.

"Trust me y/n if you're buying it for 'you-know-who' then you do not need it," Enzo said raising his eyebrows, exaggerating his tone on certain words. I punched Enzo in the arm,

"I'm not buying it," I said sternly, I knew they were all just joking, but now was a bad time, especially since Pansy was literally right next to me. "besides, Teddy and I already get along just fine, why would I need a love potion? We're just friends."

"So if me and Draco share a bed, you wouldn't think that was a little bit weird?" Enzo asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Well, not if you guys were both cold, and one of your beds was all the way down the hall," I told them, understanding the message they were trying to send.

The topic of the discussion changed many times before we got back to the comfort of the fireplace, surrounded by green couches, and various books. I sat in an armchair closest to the fireplace, before getting up to use the restroom. When I walked down the hallway I could hear the laughter of my friends, and faintly hear their voices. When I finished up, I looked in the mirror and ran my fingers through my hair, the hat I had taken off messed it up, and no one had thought to tell me. I walked back into the common room and saw that Teddy had returned from wherever he had been, and taken the seat I was sitting in before I got up. Without much thought, I sat down on the arm of Theo's chair and ruffled his hair.

"Hi Teddy," I sang, and seeing him for the first time today, I had almost forgotten I was mad at him, "where have you been?"

The room had gone silent and our friends all watched our interaction. I quickly noticed our proximity and moved to an empty spot on a couch, near his chair so I could still listen for his answer.

"Just around," He spoke softly, "nowhere special."

I was surprised by his answer and looked over at Pansy to see if her expression would show that she knew anything more than he let on, but she had turned back around and was talking with Mattheo about who was the better quidditch player. Theo obviously didn't have much to say, and by the bags under his eyes I could tell wherever he had been, had left him exhausted, so I let him be, and decided that I should get some rest myself.

Morning came, and despite being under water I could tell the sun had risen by the dim rays shining through the windows. I showered, and got ready for breakfast, putting on a jumper and some trousers I'd pulled from a drawer. When I left my dorm and walked into the common room, I could see Draco and Astoria waiting on the couch, tossing a hair tie back and forth as they continued in conversation.

"Good Morning!" I said as I approached the couple.

"It's about time," Draco said as he pretended to be annoyed, "If you took any longer I might've died of hunger."

"I'm actually early today, Malfoy so maybe save your starvation for another day." I laughed.

We made our way down to the great hall, and the rest of our friends made space for us at the table. Pansy was in her normal seat between Blaise and Enzo, rather than next to Theo, which confused me since I thought they liked each other, but I didn't think much of it.

As I took my usual seat next to Theo, an owl flew above our heads and dropped a letter down right in front of me.

"Y/N, you have mail!" Mattheo yelled from a few seats down, as if I couldn't see the envelope land in front of me. Blaise hit him on his had and mocked him for stating the obvious.

"Open it." Theo nudged my arm urging me on.

I turned the paper over in my hands and didn't see a name, other than my own so I ripped open the envelope. A piece of parchment was folded inside it,

'Hogsmeade? 2:00 - Harry Potter'

"Harry Potter, as in the Chosen One, you've got to be kidding me, mate." Draco sighed as he shoved his face into his hands.

I laughed and looked across the room at Harry who was already looking at me, I nodded at him, and he smiled in return, turning back around and saying something to Hermione and Ron.

"You're going to go?" Theo said to me, shocked that i assented to the idea of a date with Harry.

"Yeah, why not? He's cute and popular, he probably just needs a favor anyway," I said "Plus, you can go on dates why can't I?"

Theo's jaw dropped, and then closed again, and he got up and left.

"He deserved that," said Pansy, "I told him no, by the way, I wouldn't go out with him because I know you like him."

I wanted to curse Pansy at this moment for announcing to everyone around us that I liked Theo but decided I would appreciate her rare kindness.

Time passed quickly, and before I knew it, I was dressed up to meet Harry. I zipped up my snow boots and heard a knock at my door, "Come in!" I called whoever it was.

I quickly kicked the clothes next to my bed, under it, in hopes whoever it was, wasn't a professor, or Harry. The door opened, and when I looked up it was Theo.

"Hey Teddy, what's up?" I asked, wondering what he was here for, I had barely seen him the past few days and assumed he was done with his attitude.

He didn't say anything, he took the chair from under my desk and sat down, looking at the ground. I stared at him waiting to see if he was going to say anything.

"You can't go on that date," he said finally meeting my eyes.

"Are you kidding me, Theo? That's what this is about because I'm going out with another guy, you want to show up in my dorm and act all possessive?" I shot at him. He had rarely talked to me in two days, and this is what he came to say.

"Please, you just- you can't go," he stood up, moving in front of me to hold my hands in his.

"So, let me get this straight, we've been just friends for months, and when you decide to ask Pansy on a date it's okay, but when I get asked out on a date you can just come to my dorm, demanding me not go?" I reiterated. I was hurt that Theo genuinely thought I would be okay with this.

"My door was unlocked," he whispered.

"What?" I asked. I felt like I had asked him so many things and hadn't gotten one response.

"I waited for you to see if you would try to talk me out of going, and ask me to stay with you instead." Theo said

"Teddy why would I talk you out of doing something that you obviously wanted to do, I want you to be happy," I told him. I was extremely confused by his intentions.

"Just please don't go y/n I'll take you to Hogsmeade myself, just don't go on a date with Harry Potter of all people." He begged me.

"But why, Theo?"

"You know why." Theo insisted.

"Say it."

"Because I love you y/n, I'm in love with you, and if you go on that date with Harry, you might start to like him, and then I'll have to move to be alone," he confessed.

I was speechless. Not because I didn't reciprocate his feelings, but because I didn't understand.

"So what about Pansy? You just asked her out to see if I would come knocking on your door?" I scoffed.

"It was her idea, I'd ask her to Hogsmeade, so you'd get jealous, but we didn't go by ourselves, Enzo and Blaise came along, that's why Astoria went with you, to make sure you didn't run into us as a group." He explained

Theo was standing so close to me that it felt like his tall figure was hovering. I could feel his breath on my face and looked up at him. He took my face in his hands and crashed his lips into mine. His hands moved down to my waist, and I kissed him back, moving my hands to his hair, pulling at the roots.

"You're really good at that," I said when we finally separated for air, moving my hands to the back of his neck.

Theo smiled down at me, "better than Potter?" he asked with a smirk. I jokingly pushed him away and sat down to write Harry a letter about how I'd be canceling our date last minute.

[one-flower-one-sword]

Sending virtual hugs! 🌸

I’m wondering about your thoughts on Xie Lian and how he views Hua Cheng and the Gambling Den.

He expressed to Hua Cheng his concerns about how dangerous it is, and let it go when he understood that he and Hua Cheng have differing views on the matter.

It makes me wonder how things would have unfolded if the man who gambled to have his competitors die or give his daughter’s life and marriage if he lost, had been able to complete his bet without interruption. Like how much is Hua Cheng involved in something like that?

Would that man simply have walked away with the luck he needed to get what he wanted? I can’t see Hua Cheng actively hunting down and killing those people.

But I can see him allowing the man the luck needed to make his desires come true - so not actively engaging but not interfering with the man’s terrible decisions - kind of like with how he dealt with He Xuan.

I’m not completely sold on that thought though…😅 your thoughts?

Thank you! 🌸

And thank you for your ask! I love talking about Ghost City :3

I've thought about similar things regarding the Gambler's Den, but ultimately, I think it's on purpose that we don't find out for sure and are left to wonder. Especially since, at this point in the story, both the reader and Xie Lian are still slowly uncovering who Hua Cheng is as a person.

When we look at this scene after everything is revealed, I think it's quite clear from the mockingly derisive way he talks to him that Hua Cheng did not like that guy, and I wonder if he would even have taken that second bet if Xie Lian and the others hadn't been there - he seems to have a pretty good understanding of Lang Qianqiu's character when be talks about him with Xie Lian later, so I can see him use that second bet as a lure to make Lang Qianqiu cause a commotion. Because then Hua Cheng gets to "discover" that Xie Lian and the others are there, which means he has a reason to invite Xie Lian to Paradise Manor, which is necessary to make that whole "have them rescue 'Ming Yi' so that He Xuan's cover isn't blown" plan work.

As an aside, though of course Hua Cheng is always happy when he gets to spend time with Xie Lian, I think he must have deeply hated deceiving him like this. It speaks to how much he values his arrangement with He Xuan and how vital the information He Xuan provides is to him - which is proven when right after this, the whole Fang Xin reveal happens. Without He Xuan monitoring what's happening in heaven and relaying the information to him, Hua Cheng wouldn't have known that Xie Lian got locked inside his palace and couldn't have come to rescue him.

Back to the topic at hand though. I think it's worth looking at the actual dialog when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng discuss the den because there's so much in there:

After some hesitation, Xie Lian spoke up again. "San Lang, it may be out of line for me, but I still have to say it. That Gambler's Den of yours is incredibly dangerous. Won't it blow up in your face one day?"

A place that allowed the betting of sons and daughters and people's lives, granting wishes for others' sudden deaths - it was dreadfully sinful. Never mind a little brawl; if one day the bets got out of hand, the Heavenly Realm wouldn't be able to stay on the sidelines.

Hua Cheng gave him a look.

"Your Highness, did you ask Lang Qianqiu why he had to jump into that mess?"

Xie Lian was slightly taken aback, not quite understanding the intent of the question.

Hua Cheng continued, "I bet he must have told you that if he didn't do it, no one else would."

He was amazingly on the mark, obviously having seen through Lang Qianqiu.

"That's indeed what he said." Xie Lian admitted.

"Then I'm the complete opposite," Hua Cheng said. "If I don't control a place like this, then someone else will. I'd rather that person be me."

Xie Lian knew when to back down, and he nodded. "I understand."

It seemed, although Hua Cheng was the sentimental sort, he also cared more about control and power than Xie Lian realized.

It's fascinating that it we look at what Xie Lian actually says and thinks here, what he mainly seems to be worried about is what would happen to Hua Cheng and his friendship with Hua Cheng should Jun Wu be given reason to actively start going against him. Which is also what Xie Lian worries about during this entire mission - what will happen if it turns out Hua Cheng is involved with a heavenly official's disappearance and heaven retaliates, what will happen if he's not involved and Xie Lian has destroyed their friendship by deceiving him. It doesn't matter to Xie Lian that Hua Cheng is a Ghost King and that they're technically on opposite sides - he's decided based on his own experiences and judgment that Hua Cheng is a good person and a good friend, and he's already at this point very protective of him. Especially since he's not unaware that the heavenly realm in general and Jun Wu in particular do not share his opinion on Hua Cheng, and the political implications thereof:

Jun Wu turned around. "Tell me, what kind of extraordinary character did you engage with when you descended this time?"

Xie Lian raised his hand. "My Lord, I swear I did nothing. Just, one day by chance, I encountered an interesting young man on the road, and we spent some time together. I didn't think much of it."

Ju Wu nodded. "Chance encounter, young man, Supreme Ghost King. Xianle, surely you are aware what the consequences would be if Ming Guang was to question you further and you confessed to this in front of the other officials? No one would believe you."

"Xianle knows," Xie Lian replied woefully. "So, I'm grateful for My Lord's timely intervention. My Lord, you're not actually going to interrogate me, are you? I wouldn't collude with the Ghost Realm. These are absurd concerns."

"Naturally, I know you would not intentionally collude with the Ghost Realm," Jun Wu said.

"I'm grateful for My Lord's trust," Xie Lian replied.

Xie Lian is definitely stretching the truth here with the "I didn't think much of it" part, given that by the end of his investigation in Banyue, he damn well knew that the "interesting young man" was Supreme Ghost King Hua Cheng, and then he kept spending time with him regardless. He's very careful about protecting their friendship by downplaying it and being vague, and further than that, he's very careful about protecting Hua Cheng. We've already seen this earlier when Pei Ming was interrogating him - Xie Lian even pretended not to know who that "red-clothed young man" was because he rightfully deduced that Pei Ming would try to use Hua Cheng as a scapegoat to get Xiao Pei off the hook. Then when Pei Ming does try to pin the whole thing on Hua Cheng, Xie Lian immediately speaks up in his defense:

"General Pei, let's keep things clear and separate. Let's not talk about whether the young man I traveled with was Hua Cheng or not. At the very least, even if he was indeed Hua Cheng, that has nothing to do with what General Pei Junior has done. A Supreme Ghost King might have the worst possible name on people's tongues, but not everything can be blamed on him."

I find it very telling that the reason Xie Lian is being so carefully vague is less so he himself won't get into trouble and more that he's very aware that if Hua Cheng gets wrongfully accused, no one will question it simply because of who and what Hua Cheng is. And it's that kind of injustice and prejudice that Xie Lian will always stand up against. At this point he still completely trusts Jun Wu, but when it comes to Hua Cheng, Xie Lian not only disagrees but actively disobeys, though he's careful about how much of that he shows in front of Jun Wu:

Jun Wu shook his head. "I should not comment on the friends you make, but I will say this: Be careful of Hua Cheng."

Hearing this, Xie Lian bowed his head slightly, keeping his eyes down and saying nothing. He should've responded with "Yes, My Lord," as he should have been able to say yes with ease by that point. Yet, for some reason, he really didn't want to say that particular "yes".

Hua Cheng likewise also understands his and Xie Lian's respective positions and is careful not to endanger Xie Lian. Like here, when he explains why he put up somewhat of an act of not knowing Xie Lian because there were other heavenly officials present:

"Since gege is here, why not come in? We haven't been apart for that long, so don't be a stranger to San Lang."

At his beckoning, Xie Lian let down the beaded curtain. "Earlier in the Gambler's Den, it was San Lang who pretended not to recognize me."

Hua Cheng approached and stopped at Xie Lian's side. "Lang Qianqiu was there too, so if I didn't put on an act, I'd be giving gege trouble."

Or here when he's content to be accused of having maliciously kidnapped Xie Lian if that means Xie Lian won't be suspected of resisting his arrest and made to look guilty:

Xie Lian finally understood. Shi Qingxuan could see that Hua Cheng had no ill intent, but on the surface, they had to pretend that Hua Cheng had only barged into the Heavens to collect his due. It would prevent gossip from those how might suggest that Xie Lian had maliciously and intentionally absconded. Hua Cheng understood Shi Qingxuan's intent and had played along. However, Xie Lian didn't want to go this route.

"All right, stop acting. He only came to the Heavens to save me. San Lang had good intentions, so why conceal them?"

Hua Cheng does this to protect Xie Lian, but Xie Lian likewise wants to protect him. This has ended up quite long-winded, but I wanted to look for more evidence of why I think that Xie Lian mainly brought up the Gambler's Den because he's worried that the bets could end up endangering Hua Cheng himself.

Hua Cheng sincerely thanks Xie Lian for his concern, but makes it clear that he doesn’t quite agree, and I think it's worth looking into why that is.

I've seen Hua Cheng be described as completely amoral by fans, but I don't think that's how the text actually portrays him. He certainly can be quite critical and cynical with his views on both humans and gods, but his reasoning for establishing and keeping the den isn't "I don't care what happens there" or "I want places like this to exist for my own gain". He is, at least from his perspective and based on his experiences, simply being grimly realistic about how if he forbids these kinds of bets, the people who want to conduct them will simply move underground and do their gambling in secret. So not only will these bets happen either way, someone else will eventually take control of such a place, and Hua Cheng doesn't trust that such a person wouldn't take advantage of it.

Hua Cheng isn't amoral, he just has his own perspective on morality and justice. He's also not passive and uncaring in the face of what he perceives as wrong and unjust, but he doesn't really talk about that openly unless prompted. Like here during the Black Water arc, when they discuss the scroll with (supposedly) the names of victims of the Reverend of Empty Words:

Xie Lian turned to Hua Cheng. "San Lang, you said it's full of outrageous mistakes. How so?"

Hua Cheng scooted over to him, they were now sitting much closer than before. Hua Cheng pointed at a few names. "These are wrong."

Xie Lian looked at the names closely; all of them were known to be lawless, malevolently evil tyrants. "How do you know?"

"Because I killed them," Hua Cheng said.

Hua Cheng deeply hates people who abuse the power they wield, to the point that he personally acts against them. I think this ties in well with his reasoning about the Gambler's Den. I don't think there's anything in the text that suggests Xie Lian is upset to realize that Hua Cheng cares more about power and control than he'd thought, just surprised - until he comes to Ghost City, Xie Lian has mostly been around the very laid-back "San Lang", and this is the first time he's encountered Hua Cheng in his own territory, where he's a Ghost King ruling over the largest settlement within the ghost realm.

Also Xie Lian doesn't know this yet, but given everything we later learn about Hua Cheng's past, I think it's quite obvious that Hua Cheng's preoccupation with the power and control he wields, as well as his contempt for those who abuse theirs, is rooted deeply in the trauma he's gone through. Control in particular is a huge thing for him for several reasons, one of the main ones being that as a child, he was repeatedly punished for things outside his control, and he internalized that pattern to the point where he now punishes himself for things outside his control, as is shown repeatedly when he decides he's failed Xie Lian in some way. But I'm going to go into more detail about this in my Hua Cheng + trauma responses meta.

Lastly, I think it's important to keep in mind that the text makes clear that even when Xie Lian and Hua Cheng disagree, rather than a point of conflict it's actually proof of how strong and healthy their relationship is. I've sometimes seen fans (not you) portray their relationship as Xie Lian being irritated with Hua Cheng's attitude towards others, having him either be somewhat grudgingly resigned to it or actively trying to change Hua Cheng's behavior. But when we actually look at the text, we realize that nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, the opposite is the case - Xie Lian is incredibly protective of him and repeatedly gets defensive when others judge and blame Hua Cheng. I'm gonna examine that in more detail in my hualian meta though, so for now, I hope this turned out a satisfying answer!

[sarnai4]

Opening Up

About opening up...Dagur kinda doesn't. (Spoilers ahead)

This is something I've seen some fans talk about where they say Dagur would reveal personal information easily. I see where they're coming from with this. Looking at Dagur, I'd expect that too. He's outspoken, emotional, unrestrained, etc. He seems like someone who could randomly say, "I had a good cry today," and it wouldn't be anything surprising. HOWEVER, that changes for me when I look at the proof from the show. If Dagur was half as open about things as this would imply, then we wouldn't be forced to speculate so much about his past and the things that have happened to him. In another case of me spending too much time studying Dragons (probably. Still worth it), I tried to collect all the examples of Dagur sharing information. They have something in common. Each time, there's a specific reason. I'll go in chronological order.

In "Enemy of My Enemy," Dagur tells Hiccup how revenge can make you do things you didn't think you were capable. This was an interesting moment of really getting to see how the villain we saw Dagur be wasn't who he always was. It even shocked him how extreme his actions became. This has the potential to be some heavy stuff, but he didn't just outright say it for fun. He said it because he saw Hiccup going down that same path. This isn't, "I can't believe the things I've done and really need someone to talk to." It's, "I see you following in my footsteps and they led me in a terrible direction. I don't want that for you."

It takes Dagur F.O.R.E.V.E.R. to admit he didn't kill Oswald. Even as a good guy, he doesn't say it easily. In "Family on the Edge," he implies that something Heather said out of the sent her adrift, killed their dad, and tried to kill them list wasn't true, but he doesn't just say it. He writes it in the letter, admitting that and how he was worried that the other Berserkers wouldn't follow him otherwise. If he wanted to do it for emotional release reasons, he could've just said the first time or even told her way back when he thought they were on the same side. Rather than that, he puts it in a letter so that her final relative won't be quite as bad as she thinks he is.

In "Searching for Oswald...And Chicken," Dagur has two moments. First, he tells Heather how he's spent most of his life in varying stages of existential crisis. (Just wow for that. Wish we had heard more about it because that is quite the emotional load he nonchalantly dropped) Again, this clearly isn't to get something off his chest because it's not even something he brings up again. He just tells her so that she'll have proof he knows what is meaningless, hopefully getting her to stop throwing herself in harm's way to find Oswald. Later, he tells Hiccup he keeps anger, frustration, and rage to himself. This also isn't to share so much as to prove he can keep secrets and deserves to be trusted with the location of Vanaheim.

Then, we have "In Plain Sight." There, we find out he used to get bullied. He waited until as much of the last moment as possible to tell Fishlegs and Snotlout this. They had already flown from the Edge to Berserker Island and were literally walking down to meet Ansson. So, I don't think it's him wanting to share sensitive information. It's him knowing they're about to be there with the bully and since Ansson doesn't care about playing nice, it's going to be obvious that he used to bully him. This is just softening the blow a little by telling them first. Didn't really help, though, since they still laughed at him being called "Dainty." (Not cool even though I get how weird it would be to hear someone call him that)

Unless I'm mistaken, that's everything. I don't think there's another time when Dagur reveals something personal. Each of these had some deeper purpose. This is why I don't believe Dagur would start speaking about his past traumas without a prompt. Now, I'll say I do enjoy having him talk about this in stories and I support other writers who do. I just believe it takes a little nudge. He's not going to sit down next to someone and talk about his time in jail. He has literally never spoken about his time in jail in the entire show except the first RTTE episode to say that he spent 3 years thinking about Hiccup. So, it actually leaves a lot of room to be creative with what his past even has first, then what situation would get him to spill the beans.

[linkemon]

It's gonna be alright (Keith Kogane x Reader)

Friendly reminder that English is not my first language. You can check my Masterlists both in English and Polish here. Consider supporting me on Ko-fi. You can also check out my commissions if you’re interested.

Other oneshots can be found here.

ᴋᴇɪᴛʜ ᴛʀɪᴇꜱ ᴛᴏ ᴄᴏᴘᴇ ᴡɪᴛʜ ꜱʜɪʀᴏ'ꜱ ᴅɪꜱᴀᴘᴘᴇᴀʀᴀɴᴄᴇ. ɪᴛ ɪꜱ ᴄᴏᴍᴍᴏɴ ᴋɴᴏᴡʟᴇᴅɢᴇ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ᴄᴏᴏᴋɪᴇꜱ ʜᴇʟᴘ. ᴏʀ ᴀᴛ ʟᴇᴀꜱᴛ ᴛʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ᴡʜᴀᴛ [ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ] ꜱᴀʏꜱ…

ᴀᴅᴅɪᴛɪᴏɴᴀʟ ɪɴꜰᴏʀᴍᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: 1. ᴏɴᴇꜱʜᴏᴛ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ꜱᴘᴏɪʟᴇʀꜱ ꜰᴏʀ ᴇᴀʀʟʏ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴꜱ.

It was the final stretch.

I snuck out again. Doing it in the evening would mean that someone would probably catch me but at night it's much easier. If the rest of the team saw me now, I'd probably get scolded but I couldn't help myself. Hunk finally baked some edible cookies!

I grabbed a plate from the nearest shelf and helped myself to a generous amount, then rearranged the cookies that had fallen out of formation back into a pyramid. This way, no one noticed when one or two floors disappeared.

As a medical student, or rather a former student, because on Earth I've probably already been kicked out of school, I always tell my team to eat healthily. I am quite aware of the effects of overeating at night and too many sweets but everyone has smaller or larger deviations. Mine gradually started to increase after Hunk got a new recipe for blueberry cookies.

When we tasted them for the first time, I was skeptical because of their blue color. We chose Coran as the tester because no one else wanted to poison themselves. However, it turned out that we had avoided failure. They tasted like cocoa.

Since then, Hunk has been baking them almost all the time and I've been stealing them on the sly. It quickly turned out that paladins had a habit of getting up often in the middle of the night. At first I ate in the living room and almost got caught when Pidge walked by. However, I managed to find a solution. My place for a snack was the rather narrow roof, which was accessed through a window on the top floor of the castle. Perhaps someone would be able to spot me during the day but at night it was virtually impossible.

I headed there too, thinking only that in a moment I would inhale that cocoa scent again. I crossed the hall, opened the window, and then placed the plate on the tiny windowsill. I had both legs out and was just about to start eating when it turned out I wasn't alone.

Keith was now sitting in my usual seat with wide eyes. He looked ready to jump but visibly relaxed when he saw it was just me.

Well, great.

So I did the only right thing that could be done in such a situation.

— Cookie?

— Excuse me? — He asked.

— I asked if you wanted a cookie. — I sat down and offered him a plate. — Just don't betray to others because I won't have a life.

He ate it, then reached for another one.

We never got along very well, partly because we didn't know each other before I joined the team. It's true that I didn't argue with him like Lance but he had such a heavy personality that I preferred spending time with Hunk or Allura. He always seemed quite cold to me but I admired his skills and courage because he certainly had plenty of that.

The silence was quite uncomfortable, so I decided to break it.

— Nice sky.

No response from Mr. Silent.

It was beautiful. A shade of navy blue completely different than the one on Earth. Constellations unlike any I've seen. Everything was different here. The thought always brought a momentary feeling of nostalgia and longing for my family but I was used to it by now. It hasn't wanted to leave me since I got here.

— Sooo... you came to think? — I said with my mouth full.

— You could say that — he muttered.

What an elaborate statement.

— I came to eat without anyone noticing. I glanced at him. — But it didn't work out as you can see. — What are you thinking about?

I didn't receive any response.

Keith started to stand up but I grabbed his sleeve.

— It's a bit inelegant of you to leave me in the middle of a conversation now.

If this could even be called a conversation...

— Something will attack me here at night when it smells food if I stay alone. — I stuffed the cookie into myself with my free hand. — If you want, we can sit in silence — I added.

I saw his hesitation but he finally sat back down after the last sentence.

I wanted to keep my word, I really wanted to. The problem, however, was the talkativeness. Everyone around me knew perfectly well that I was loud and ubiquitous. I also had trouble keeping my mouth shut. Keith and I were basically opposites, which was one of the reasons we had limited contact.

In short, I could be irritating. No wonder I couldn't last more than a few minutes.

— If you don't want to say what you're thinking, don't say it — I started. — But if you change your mind, you know  — I stabbed him in the arm — you can vent.

— Do I look like someone who wants to talk?

No, you look like an irritated bastard.

— No but you look like someone who needs it. You know, as a pseudo-doctor on this team, I also have to take care of your mental health. I think it's just as important as physical one.

His expression softened slightly. He was clearly wondering whether he should share with me what was on his mind.

The silence grew.

This is how my career as a psychologist dies prematurely.

I actually could have given up but I felt like I wanted to help. Kind of like when I was quite little and put plasters on literally all the kids in my neighbourhood who had bad knees. This feeling turned into a passion — the desire to professionally care for others. I didn't have the opportunity to graduate because I was in the middle of another galaxy but I did my best. I tried to use everything I had at hand to help those who were saving planets and races that we had never known about before.

— It's about my leadership — he began, so quietly that I could barely hear him. — I feel bad about it. Everyone is counting on me, they want me to give them orders but I have the impression that whatever I do, wherever I step, will be wrong. I'm not even sure how to get along with you. After I came back to the team, everyone looks at me differently. I'm not like Shiro. My only hope is to find him and bring him back but I don't even know where to start looking for him.

I'm out of cookies.

— It's obvious — I felt his eyes on me — that you're not Shiro. I'm sure we'll find him but it will take some time. You shouldn't try to replace him because each of you is different — I started. — It'll take you a while to get used to your new role but you're on the right track. Maybe try spending some time with the team? We haven't known each other for very long but I'm not blind. Some people really miss you, Keith. Don't run away from them, try to talk to them, eat some cookies and everything will be fine. — I stood up, took my plate and headed to the window.

It's gonna be alright — the cliché I may have tried to say to myself a lot too but what choice did I have? What else could I tell him?

— [Reader]?

— Hmmm? — I stuck my head out.

— Thank you.

— No problem but it was Hunk who baked them — I said, smiling to myself and then started walking down the dark corridor.

Keith will make a good leader but I might still make a good doctor when I get back to Earth. I should just cut down on the cookies...

[pleasantlyinsincere]

John and Julian (and Cyn) through the '70s

Last edited on 8 October 2023. All edits listed at the end. Text in between [ ] are my thoughts.

Since John and Yoko had moved into Tittenhurst in August '69 Julian often spend weekends with them there.

"And then I'd live for the weekends I spent with my dad and his new love Yoko at Ascot. My feeling toward their relationship was helped by the way I was treated. I was given incredibly expansive toys to play with and there was always something happening." Julian, 1982

Cynthia describes that she was relieved that Julian got on reasonably well with Yoko, but she was concerned by some of the more bizarre stories of what was going on at Tittenhurst park.

"One of the hardest aspects of letting Julian visit John was accepting that Yoko would presumably look after him when he was there. I didn't know what he would make of her cool manner. But in fact he seemed fine with it, and perhaps it was better for him to have a rather distant step-mother than one who was all over him. He never told me that she was unkind in any way, which was a relief. After that first weekend Peter rang regularly to arrange visits for Julian. Much to my amusement Julian had started to call Yoko Hokey-Cokey." Cynthia Lennon: John, p.314

Photos of Julian at Tittenhurst in 31 January 1970. [John and Yoko only returned from Denmark January 27th, so Julian came to see them the first weekend back.]

Rest of the timeline including pics, quotes and audio behind the cut because it got ridiculously long.

23 February 1970

An article is published in the Evening Post talking about Julian and Kyoko. It mentions that in 1969 there were four months that father and son didn't get to see each other and also spent Christmas apart.

Some quotes from John:

"Julian, last time I saw him, was a bit too protected, like all kids are. It took him two weeks to unwind, when he was last with us." "I'm not a daddy with a set of bricks to play with. When I'm with the kids, they just come along with me and be with me, whatever I'm doing." Link to article

March 1970

Over the New Year John and Yoko had spent some weeks in Denmark with Tony Cox, his new partner and Kyoko. That arrangement had worked quite well and it seems it motivated John and Yoko to try to get closer with Cynthia and Roberto also. It seems in the end not much came of these good intentions.

Up until now, when Julian came to spend the weekend at Tittenhurst Park, it was Les Anthony who shuttled him back and forth between his parents. However, shortly after their return from Denmark, John and Yoko made a conscious effort to spend time with Julian, Cynthia and her fiancé Roberto Bassanini. John later remarked: "All five of us ate together and we saw to it that the children see us all together. Maybe six of us will go on vacation with Kyoko. Julian, Cyn and Roberto, so that everyone feels secure. That's very important. In order to have peace, it's necessary to start inside the family." Lennonology, source L'Express [3/23/70]

Instead John and Yoko left for LA 23 April 1970 to undergo Primal Scream therapy with Janov. They stayed for almost five months in the US and returned to England 15 September 1970.

June 7th, 1970

While John and Yoko are in LA doing their therapy with Janov. One of the topics discussed was John's troubled relationship with his son.

The meeting, which Vivian Janov describes as 'a very strong emotional day for him,' had taken place in April, and John was making an effort to maintain communication with his son. From Los Angeles, John posted a card to Julian today: 'I'm sorry I haven't called or written much. I've been a little sick. We miss you a lot, and send you our love... won't be long till I see you'. Lennonology

After the return from the US in September Julian continued to regularly visit Tittenhurst. During those visits he usually played a lot with Les Anthonys four stepchildren, who at the time were also living on the estate.

"Once Dad had a little white shed built on an island in the middle of a lake on the grounds of the house. He had bought these little white amphi-cars that sped across the lake. The three of us all dressed in white to spend the day there. Crazy, but wonderful."Julian, 1982

In this interview Julian describes going over to Tittenhurst just to be an idiot with his dad but also how scary the big house and his bedroom situation could be to him at night.

[The floorplan of Tittenhurst (LINK) actually shows Julian's room just across the hallway from John and Yoko's room but half a stairway down. There's not really a closer bedroom and he may have been put there, so that he has his own bathroom. It being so far away, small (somewhere he or Cynthia call the room a closet) and scary are after all the memories from a child's point of view.]

For the most part the visitation arrangements seemed to have continued in 1971. In the summer, when John and Yoko were filming for the imagine documentary, Julian can be seen roaming the property with his friends.

Saturday, July 17th, 1971 With the cameras rolling, John and Yoko roamed the Tittenhurst Park grounds in a golf cart with Jill Johnston. As promised, Blue Pools delivered the new lake house, and the Lennons spotted location. More footage was taken of the house under construction, the Lennons and Johnston rowing on the lake, and Julian and the neighbor children reading excerpts from Grapefruit on camera and running amok in the fields. Lennonology

Lennonology

Julian Lennon: Tittenhurst was this enormous palace-like place with 99 acres, golf-cart buggies, a lake, a little island in the middle of the lake. It was like a house of fun. It was wonderful. I loved the place.

LINK to a longer version of the quote but in German. Not adding much just both John and Julian sharing a mutual love for Dr. Pepper at the time, playing the mellotron and the children daring each other to enter a 'haunted' building on the property.

It's also at Tittenhurst that Julian meets May Pang, who had started working for John and Yoko as an assistant through ABKCO in NY and had come to England as a messenger to bring film rolls.

"There were a lot of great moments at Tittenhurst that I do fondly remember, you know, giggling and laughing with Dad. And, as they say, shooting the shit. But it was difficult to know, you think, 'OK, well, is this going to stay? Is this what it's going to be, now? Can I count on this? Can I be here next weekend or the weekend after? Is that going to happen?' That was one of the, obviously, the hardest pill to swallow, was the constant change. You know, you thought things were going to settle down, but they just never quite did." Julian, 2018

"I lived an ideal life between then [Cyn and Roberto] and John and Yoko, but it all ended when Cynthia's marriage broke up and Dad and Yoko moved to the States." Julian, 1982

The big cut happens when on August 12th 1971 John and Yoko leave for NY and take up residence in the St. Regis Hotel.

At first their plan was to search for Kyoko, so that she too could come for visits at Tittenhurst like Julian. In September John and Yoko appeared on the Dick Cavett show and briefly talked about their wish that both their children could be with them.

Maybe a Christmas present:

Christie's auction

[In her Lost Weekend doc, May talks about Julian calling and Yoko not allowing her to put the call through to John. She says at that point they hadn't spoken for a couple of years. Then a few weeks later she is in the audience for George Harrison's appearance on Dick Cavett. The show is aired in November '71, so if there is anything to her anecdote she may mean they hadn't seen each other for two months instead of two years.]

26 May '72

"Lennon admits that he is scared to say too much publicly about the case, because it was the initial publicity that had spurred Cox to vanish. He talks about how hard it is for Ono to see pictures of her daughter: I have to hide them. Asked about his own son, Julian, he says: I don't have that 'where the hell is he?' bit. But he reveals that when they were in England, and Julian visited them every weekend, it was difficult for Ono to be with him when her own daughter wasn't there: It was killing her." source

28 May '72

Cynthia quoted in a Sunday paper: "John hasn't seen Julian since he went to America. It is rather a long time. He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now. He does write to Julian, just normal letters, asking how he is getting on at school and things like that. And he sends him presents. He sent him a toy truck at Christmas. I don't keep in touch with John anymore. It's purely through Julian that we keep in contact. Julian loves his father. He follows his career in the newspapers. He goes to a private boys' school where people don't bother who he is. He went to a state school but he had problems there."

14 June '72

Cyn's complaints are repeated in the LA times, where it said that John hadn't seen Julian in eight months. "He seems to be occupied with Yoko's daughter now."

On 22 September '73 John and May leave for LA and only a few days later on 2 October '73 it is reported in the newspaper that Cyn separated from Roberto Bassanini.

Cynthia gave some interviews on her recent separation and the fact that she and Julian moved back to Hoylake, where Julian goes to private school.

"Unhappily Julian misses his father, which is only natural. We only hear from John at Christmas and when the birthdays come around." 7 October '73, Sunday Mirror

"Julian is always asking after him but of course John is in America now. It's been hard for him not seeing John for several years. This sort of thing is naturally upsetting for a child." 7 October '73, Sunday People

According to May's book, while John had broken up with her, she went to the Dakota to be with Yoko. Yoko there told her that she had decided it was time for Julian to come for a visit and May should at least reunite with John for that period to help him with it. May agreed to go back to John for two weeks, but it ends up being more like a year.

Christmas gift '73

To Julian from Daddy Christmas 1973

[Julian has sold an NFT of the black guitar. LINK ]

Shortly after Christmas '73 Julian and Cyn travel to LA to spend his school holidays with his father. They stay at least until the Happy Days taping they visit together on 5 February '74.

During the over a month long visit May writes, that they went to Disneyland three times and had brunch together the first morning. Meanwhile John is still having some wild times. Since Julian is staying with Cynthia, he goes out with May. The Kotex incident and nearly killing Jesse Ed Davis happen at the same time of this visit. May also places Cynthia asking John to have another child together during this trip.

As the visit ends May makes John promise to call Julian regularly.

"It is the right thing to do. I promise you, Fung Yee." He was silent for a while, then John said suddenly, "I really would like to keep in touch with me son." May Pang, Loving John p.168

Julian too, took a lot of positive out of the meetings around this time.

"Mum and I flew out to the States and stayed at the Beverly Hills Hotel. At least Mum did, I spend every minute of every day with my Dad and Yoko. " Julian, 1982

In later recollections Julian correctly puts the first visit in the time-frame that John was with May.

“Dad and I got on a great deal better than,” recalls Julian. “We had a lot of fun, laughed a lot and had a great time in general when he was with May Pang.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang: Loving John. About this visit and how it was set up.

In April 74 Julian sends a Thank you tape to John and Yoko for his birthday gift. Even though John is with May at this time, the present it seems was sent from the married couple.

The present in question according to Julian was a guitar, decorated with a mirror, writing and other stuff:

John writes to Cyn 22 June '74 a typed letter asking about Julian's holiday plans. Interestingly as the return address he gives the Dakota. He wants to send May to bring Julian.

19/20-25 July 1974 Instead of being collected by May, Julian sails with Elton John, Tony King, and Cyn per boat from Southampton to New York.

[In her book Cynthia wrongly remembers this as her first visit with John in the US. She also claims this visit was completely her initiative, which as proven by the letter wasn't the case. The whole anecdote is interesting however because she says that it was never the plan to stay with Julian, John and May but stay in NY with Jenny Boyd. Jenny apparently wasn't told about that plan, because in the end she wasn't there to home Cynthia. (May on the other hand remembers that Cynthia was staying with friends but they left without her and she was lonely, so she ended up coming with them.) In the end (and to John probably rightly or wrongly suspiciously) what was planned as just a trip for Julian with his dad turned into Cynthia coming along most of the time.]

Cynthia'a account about how this meeting was set-up and why she was with them during the trip.

Tony King in The Tastemaker simply writes: “John Lennon wanted to see his son, so I took Julian and John’s ex-wife Cynthia along with me.”

August 6th '74

John, May, Cyn and Julian return to LA for John to record Goodnight Vienna with Ringo.

In the summer while working on Walls and Bridges Julian visits the studio. He records Ya Ya with his dad.

Little interview bit with Julian about being in the studio.

August 19th, 1974

John and May take a trip to Denver. Instead of coming with them Julian stays with Cyn in LA.

When the whole vacation is coming to a close, it is decided that Julian should come for another visit for Christmas. John is clear that he wants him to come alone.

Both May Pang and Cynthia wrote about this visit in their memoirs. [Cynthia is clearly mixing up and merging the first and second trip together in her recollection of it.]

Cynthia's account.

May's account.

December 19th, 1974

Julian, accompanied by Apple staffer Steve Brendell, arrived in NY on this day for Christmas with John and May. Mimi was also invited but declined to come.

While they were in NY Yoko also came by because she wanted to greet Julian.

John, May and Julian flew to Florida on December 22. Lennon said he accepted Levy's Florida invitation "because I was so worn out anyway" from back-to-back studio projects "that I didn't know what to do with my son Julian." John figured that at Disney World, "I could sort of sit in a room or something and Julian could play with Morris's kid." John's quotes are from his trial testimony Big Seven Music Corp, 75Civ, 1116; In Stan Soocher Baby You're a Rich Man, Suing the Beatles for Fun and Money

Until 29 December they spent time in Palm Beach and later returned to Orlando (Disney World).

During this visit, Julian was helpful in influencing John and George making up and the thus the dissolution agreement of the Beatles coming along.

Julian remembers his Christmas visit with John and May fondly: “My memories of that time with Dad and May are very clear - they were the happiest time I can remember with them.” Julian in The Times, June 13 2009

May Pang in Loving John on this visit.

Cynthia writes about this visit in her book.

Video from May Pang's Lost Weekend documentary. [She says Long Island but I guess it's Palm Beach.]

In early February 1975 John moves back into the Dakota and resumes his marriage with Yoko.

John gives an interview to SPIN magazine in early spring 1975. In it he is asked about his private life, his recent return to Yoko, what his relationship with May is like now, and also about Julian:

How about you as a father? How old is your son [Julian] now? He is 11 now. All I know is that you took him to Disneyworld … right? Yeah, that was hell. Disneyland was better, the first time, in L.A., I took him there. Because I went with a gang, and there were a few of us who were flying a little. But Disneyworld — I was there on the most crowded day of the year, around Christmas or something. Seeing him is good. What we do is irrelevant. I went through a period of, “What are we gonna do?” and all that crap. It doesn’t really matter. As long as he’s around. Cause I don’t see him that often. How is it for an 11-year-old boy to have John Lennon as a father? It must be hell. Does he talk about that to you? No, because he is a Beatle fan. I mean, what do you expect?? I think he likes Paul better than me … I have the funny feeling he wishes Paul was his dad. But unfortunately he got me … It must be hard to be son of anybody. He is a bright kid and he’s into music. I didn’t encourage him, but he’s already got a band in school. But they sing rock’n’roll songs, ’cause their teacher is my age. So he teaches them “Long Tall Sally” and a couple of Beatles numbers. He likes Barry White and he likes Gilbert O’ Sullivan. He likes Queen, though I haven’t heard them yet. He turns me on to music. I call him and he says, “Have you heard Queen?” and I say “No, what is it?” I’ve heard of them. I’ve seen the guy … the one who looks like Hitler playing a piano … Sparks? I’ve seen Sparks on American TV. So I call him and say, “Have you seen Sparks? Hitler on the piano?” and he says, “No. They are alright. But have you seen Queen?” and I say “What’s Queen?” and then he tells me. His age group is hipper to music … at 11 I was aware of music, but not too much.

Link to the SPIN interview

March 11th 1975

John is interviewed by Bob Harris on The Old Grey Whistle Test. He sends greetings to Julian, Mimi and the rest of his family in England.

30 July 1975

About Julian ... I'm lucky if I see/hear from him myself. She allowed him over here twice last year ... but insisted on coming herself! You can imagine how thrilling that was ... she thought she could walk back in coz I wasn't with yoko!! Now we're back together again she stops him phoning me ... which he did a lot last year ... once a week. He's a bright little boy ... a bit 'sneaky' like his dad ... but he's gonna need that to survive his mother! Our relationship is pretty good --- he knows where I am and what my life is like ... he thinks of me a litlle too much in terms of 'money' etc ... which is what cyn and her mother (so called) have taught him (by example). He will run right to me when he's older ... we all run somewhere ... so I can wait. I got him well hooked on America ... which isan extraordinary place to say the least ... more on that in other letters perhaps. Oh yes the baby is due in November! Conceived feb 6. I tried to send Julia to see julian ... she was given the cold shoulder. When I get to England I'll show you them both. I would love to see yours. Letter to Leila, John Lennon Letters edited by Hunter Davies

After only five months being back with Yoko, communication with Julian has become more sporadic again. To his cousin Leila John complains that it's Cynthia keeping Julian from calling and about her tagging along the previous year. He also claims that he sent Julia to check in on Julian.

Julia Baird in a '83 interview confirms John's claim to Leila, that he hadn't heard from Julian and sent his little sister to check up on him.

"He kept asking in letters and on the phone, 'Please will you go and see Julian? Will you go and see Julian? Will you go see and see Julian? I haven't heard from Julian. His mother's got a cob on. Can you please go and see what's going on?' [...] Anyway eventually Aaron persuaded me that I should go. He was the one that when we got another letter asking, 'Have you been to see Julian yet?', he said, 'Look, he's never asked you to do anything. I think you should go.' [...] We went and John had given us the address, I didn't know where it was. And she seemed very embarrassed to see me. In fact so much so, that I backed off. I just said, 'Is Julian there, please? I'd like to see him.' And she said, 'No, he's gone out.' And I just said, 'Well goodbye, then.' It was very odd, very bizarre."

In her memoir Cyn doesn't mention John sending family to check on them but has an opposing recollection of who was unreachable:

"Initially he did: he phoned Julian as before, every few weeks. But the calls became less frequent, and all too often when Julian tried to phone John he couldn't get through. Yoko, or one of their employees, would tell him that John was sleeping or busy. Discouraged, Julian would wait weeks before trying again. " Cynthia Lennon, John p. 346

1 May '76

Cyn marries John Twist. John and Yoko send a telegram: "Congratulations, good luck, God bless the three of you, John and Yoko.”

According to Cynthia a few weeks later John calls her to invite Julian over for a visit during the school holidays to meet his brother. Yoko and John take the children for a holiday to Long Island. Cynthia also writes that Julian was mugged during his stay in NY, when John told him to go out by himself to buy a harmonica he wanted.

Photos of Julian with John and Yoko in summer 1976.

The only other person I have read mention the '76 visit is John Green in Dakota Days.

As the apartment at the Dakota grew more crowded, John retreated to the quieter and more spacious southern shore of Long Island. He took Sean with him and brought Julian over from Britain. Yoko kept him posted with a barrage of phone calls. "How goes the war, Charles?" he chimed into the receiver. "No casualties so far. How goes the peace?" "Great. It's absolutely beautiful. I've got a bit of sea and a bit of green and my sons, and even once in a while I even have my wife. You should come out here and get some of this. It's delightful." Dakota Days, p.97

[Aside from Cynthia's and Green's brief mentions of the trip, there is very little information on this NY visit. Even Robert Rosen, who supposedly read John's diaries multiple times, has nothing to say about this or the '77 visits. He even claims repeatedly that Julian and John first reunited in 1979 and hadn't seen each other for four years at that point.]

One of Julian's memories that most likely fits this visit:

Julian first played piano when he was thirteen, visiting his father and Yoko in Montauk, Long Island, after Sean, his half brother, was born. Their next-door neighbor had a piano, and Julian and his father went there one day. Lennon played a couple of tunes, then Julian asked, "Can I have a go?" Julian to Rolling Stone, 1985

Another one that Julian doesn't connect to a date but he remembers the new situation after his little brother was born:

[Yoko] was very loving towards me, even after their son Sean was born. Right at the beginning I felt a few pangs. They were there with their own son. Where did I fit in? But every time I went over Dad would lay on amazing treats, and Yoko was always loving towards me." Julian, 1982

In the same interview Julian also tells the story of his dad offering him a joint when he was about 12, so that might have also been the '76 visit, or the '74/'75 Christmas visit.

Cynthia claims she had trouble getting the money she was supposed to use for Julian's school. She asked John to split the trust fund, so that she can withdraw money from it easier. John agreed.

Cynthia publishes the letter in her book John and calls it "cautious, polite and to the point":

"I explained that, as he and Yoko were out of the country, it was impossibly difficult for me to get at Julian's money: 'Nothing can proceed without your signature - it means I'm forever overdrawn at the bank and have to wait on the convenience of your lawyers ... I want the best for Julian, and his standard of life shouldn't suffer because of lack of good management on your part, which has been happening since the fund was set up ... The money, instead of having doubled through good investment, is dwindling through lack of interest on your part ... It's just so important that this whole arrangement is sorted out without animosity or aggravation ... The way things are going Julian's financial prospects when he is 25 will be virtually nil and he is going to want to know why... It is one thing fighting for your rights but totally ridiculous fighting against your own son's interests, which is what seems to be happening.' "

[She says she ends the letter with thanking them for arranging the Concorde flight for Julian last summer. However according to wiki Concorde didn't fly to NYC until November 1977. (That years Christmas John and Yoko do indeed book a Concorde flight for Julian.) So I suspect that her supposed letter is specifically written for her book and not an actual document as the presentation suggests.]

In mid-October Cynthia gives an interview to Woman magazine that also got picked up in multiple newspapers. In it she talks about their relationship splitting after their first LSD trip, John getting upset with Julian when he couldn't eat with a knife, alleges that she was being followed by a private detective in Italy,...

A report on the article in the Burton Daily Mail from 19 October '76 also quotes Cynthia as saying:

"Since then their relationship has been beautiful," she says. "They talk a lot on the phone, there've been other visits and he's going again this year. I believe now that John is completely off all drugs, has been off them for years, otherwise I'd never let Julian go."

[He's going again this year indicates that there was another visit planned in 1976. If that happened or fell through, I haven't found anything about that.]

October 25th, 76

John sends Julian a postcard from Singapore. “What happened to ya?”

Even though the previous few months there was a visit and positive communication about the finances, Cynthia's decision to publicly complain in the papers angered John. He responded on November 26th 1976 with an open letter in the Daily Mail.

"Lennon tells first wife: Stop blaming Yoko," it read: "As you and I well know, our marriage was over long before the advent of LSD or Yoko Ono. Your memory is impaired to say the least. Your version of our first LSD trips is rather vague. You seem to have forgotten subsequent trips altogether. You also seem to have forgotten that only two years ago, while I was separated from Yoko Ono, you suddenly brought Julian to see me in Los Angeles after three years of silence. During that visit you didn't allow me to be alone with him for one moment. You even asked me to remarry you and give you another child 'for Julian's sake.' I politely told you no and that anyway I was still in love with Yoko. Finally, I don't blame you for wanting to get away from your Beatle past, but if you are serious about it you should try to avoid talking to and posing for magazines and newspapers. We did have some good years so dwell on them for a change."

Cynthia answers to the press after this, saying she doesn't want them to throw mud at each other and repeated "All I want to do is forget the Beatles and enjoy my present life". Still, only a few months later in 1977 she starts to write A Twist of Lennon (allegedly gleefully on a typewriter Yoko had gifted Julian). In her later memoir John she writes she was persuaded to do it by her husband John Twist who believed it would make their fortune.

Julian is sent to boarding school for that time. [In her book John Cynthia explicitly remembers that she moved to Ireland to write. However newspaper reports from the time suggest that the move happened later. So, probably Julian wasn't boarding at this time but those months in '78.]

At the same time communication between John and Julian was happening regularly and according to his diaries he got excited by the idea of buying Julian a keyboard.

July 14th, 1977

December 25th 1977

Julian comes by Concorde to stay at the Dakota during his school holidays.

[At the time of Julian's visit John and Yoko were still helped by the FBI to deal with the kidnapping threat and extortion attempt that had been going on for weeks and scared them badly. Also, Tony Cox had made contact by phone and agreed that Kyoko could visit for these holidays but then disappeared again and John would never hear again from Kyoko. I don't know if Julian was told any of this but I assume it probably was one of the more tense christmases.]

Going by Giuliano because neither Cynthia nor Robert Rosen mention this trip by Julian at all, John was very excited about Julian coming getting up early and baking bread for him. Julian gets close to Nishi and thereby brings forth John's competitive streak. John tries out the parental philosophy of wanting to spend time with Julian instead of giving him material goods, Julian goes 'oh, really' and John caves in. When he leaves John draws a portrait of Julian. Source

[Since Robert Rosen, who also read the diaries, doesn't even know about the '76 or '77 visits (and Giuliano too thinks they saw each other last at Disney World), they may not be the source for the above. I thought it might have been from Dakota Days but it's not. John Green mentions the '77 Christmas visit but says the family were going to Florida to meet Julian there because of the security threats. I think Green is confusing this and a later visit, so I will insert his account of what John told him on returning there.]

Julian stays most of January. Goes to see the musical The Magic Show with Yoko and the band Riff-Raff with John. 

In February of 1978 Cynthia and her husband sell their house and move away from Ruthin to Eire to avoid a 'wealth tax'. They leave Julian to be a boarder at his school. Cynthia and John Twist return in December, probably because they missed Julian.

April 1978

[It's not actually dated aside from being from 1978, I just assume the guitar was Julian's birthday gift.]

GIBSON Les Paul 25/50 guitar

"Dad gave me this special order rare model - it was always exciting to receive something like this from my dad. When I visited Dad we would sit down together and he would teach me a few chords and help me improve my technique." Julian in Beatles Memorabilia. The Julian Lennon Collection.

May 19th 1978

A conversation with Cyn and excerpts from her memoir A Twist of Lennon are published in News of the World.

John, Yoko and Sean are in Japan for their summer vacation. Through his London lawyers John tries to stop the publication of Cynthia's book as a serial in the News Of The World.

Tuesday, June 13th, 1978 Having been telephoned in Japan with the details of Cynthia's memoir excerpt in News Of The World, John instructed his solicitors to issue a High Court injunction in an effort to prevent the publication of a planned second installment. Frere Cholmeley & Co., Lennon's attorney in London, described the piece as 'a salacious and gribby little article,' although it was qualified with the statement: 'He does not deny that he held parties or took drugs, but he deplores the publication of intimate details of his married life.' Friday, June 16th, 1978 In the case of Lennon v. News Group Newspapers Ltd and Twist, Lord Denning rejected John's application for an injunction in London's High Court today, permitting the publication of more excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon. For his par, Denning was not impresses with John's argument that the article's publication was a breach of confidence of the marriage: 'I cannot see that either of these two parties have had much regard for the sanctity of marriage ... It seems to me as plain as can be that the relationship of these parties has ceases to be their own private affair. They themselves have put it into the public domain.' Sunday, June 18th, 1978 Having successfully defended the right to publish excerpts from A Twist Of Lennon, today's edition of News Of The World featured part two of their series: 'How Yoko stole my husband.' " Lennonology

When the book actually was released feelings turned out to be much softer than expected. Cyn ends her first memoir with the words :

I still feel very proud of the Beatles and their accomplishments. My life during that period was an education, an education I wouldn't have missed. It has left me feeling enriched, not embittered, enlightened not blinded. All I can think to conclude my story is to say, 'Thanks for the memories, and in the words of the I CHING, no blame.'"

After finishing reading his ex-wife's book, according to Robert Rosen, John was relieved and enjoyed the nostalgia. He said a prayer for Cyn: "Dear God, please show her The Way. Thank You. Thank You."

Postcard to Julian:

[I can't make out the date on the card. Julian's Beatles memorabilia book says it's from '71 but that's obviously wrong with Sean being included and Julian's Ruthin address on it. John makes the reference to being a farmer. They bought their farm in February 1978, so I put it that year. May be wrong though.]

March 21st 1979

Julian is supposed to join John, Sean and Yoko's visiting nieces in Palm Beach.

[John taking a photo of Julian in '79]

There are multiple, very different accounts for this visit, that includes Julian's 16th birthday celebration.

John bought Julian a motorcycle for his birthday.

At one point they went to Disney World, (which none of the accounts of the trip even mention), where this photo of Julian and Yoko's nieces was taken:

Accounts from:

Robert Rosen [Rosen writes that Dan Richter's children came for a visit. Correction: I said before that that because Dan wrote in his book that he never saw John again after 1974, it seemes unlikely to me that his kids would be sent out to John and Yoko five years later. However Dan Richter does confirm that in his interview on the Podcast Glass Onion: On John Lennon episode 16:

"My kids would go down, they had a place down in Palm Beach or whatever it was down in Florida. And they were there at Christmas and bring Julian and they would fly my kids down to play with Julian. And everybody, the sense we got was they were happy!"

This visit doesn't happen over Christmas but it sounds like he is talking about more than one occasion that happened and probably Christmas is one example. Could also mean that Rosen is mixing up the occasion for that anecdote.]

Cynthia Lennon

Fred Seaman

Geoffrey Giuliano

John Green [Green puts this actually to the '77 holiday visit, where he wrongly writes they went to Florida. I think (if his stories are to be believed at all) he confuses John's anger and disappointment upon return with this visit of Julian's. It also fits with being in Florida.]

[I recommend to read all of them. Lots of drama. I may one day make a comparison post between all the account because they are fascinatingly different.]

April 9th 1979

John writes to Mimi saying Julian would be welcome to live with them if he so chose but there had been no arrangements made.

Q: Did you ever plan to go and live with him [John] in New York? Julian: "When I was in my early teens we'd spoken on the phone about the possibility of me going to college over there. I think it was wishful thinking on both our parts because I felt uncomfortable about the situation and I believe he did, too." Hello! Magazine, 1995

April 25th 1979, Postcard to Julian from NY:

Julian declines to join his dad, Yoko and Sean for their family's yearly vacation in Japan.

[July 1979 In the context of getting one of his guitars Julian said that John bought him a Sony Walkman as a gift when they were brand-new. He puts around '73-'74. However according to wikipedia the Sony Walkman was first sold in July '79, so that present would have been sent to Julian around this time, maybe directly from Japan.]

December 1979

On 3rd-4th December there is a two part feature in the Daily Mail called "The Sons of the Beatles" on Julian and Zak.

"When I'm in New York, we go out quite a lot together round some of the art galleries, or to his house at Long Island. When we stay in we have musical jam sessions together singing out latest songs to each other. I still listen to Beatles music. Although I quite like some of my father's solo albums, I much prefer what he did with the Beatles." (quoted from Lennonology p. 508)

Also that month:

"More disturbing to John were the ongoing trials with Julian. The sullen teen continued to vex his father with his on-again, off-again plans to visit over Christmas. At first Julian said maybe, as long as they didn't go to Florida. Then it was a flat no, using school exams and a new girlfriend as an excuse. At the last minute he called saying he would come to New York only if he could bring a friend, but Yoko turned him down. As usual John didn't challenge her. Julian retaliated by sending his father a tabloid article about rock stars' sons, which focused on both him and Ringo's son Zak Starkey, and went into detail about the trials of being the offspring of a Beatle." Lennon in America by Giuliano p. 218

On the other hand John Green does write that Julian spent Christmas '79 with John, Yoko and Sean. He even says that Julian stayed until February. ("John stayed in the Palm Beach house until February, luxuriating in the sun and sea, forging new ties with Julian and delighting in rediscoveries of himself." p.229) [This can't be true however because John was definitely in NY for Christmas and New Years. John and Yoko did buy a house in Palm Beach late January however and were spotted there a few times in February. I can't find a mention of Julian being spotted with them, so it may or may not have happened. I do think between the two of them Giuliano's account is probably more accurate. The Daily Mail article he mentions of Zak and Julian had come out on 3 or 4 December, so that is also believable that it had come up in pre-christmas discussions. But of course it's possible that a visit happened anyway.]

1980

Julian called in February 1980 to set up another meeting with his dad. This time John denied him, surprisingly because he was worried about Julian's schooling. Through Cynthia he had learned that Julian was failing his O-levels, had started smoking, staying out at night drinking, had gotten in trouble with the police for setting up fires and racing through town on a dirt bike. "John just prayed that Julian didn't hurt himself." There is also continued conflict over money. John felt that Julian every time they spoke asked him for more money. "And though John continued to feel guilty about having abandoned Julian and Cynthia, he'd be damned if he was going to be like every other rich asshole father who'd abandoned his family and then used money as a poor substitute for love and companionship." source

In March 'A Twist of Lennon' gets its paperback release and new reviews are printed in the press.

Summer 1980

When John sat for a portrait painting with Sean for the artist Nancy Gosnell, he wondered if she could also do one of him and Julian from a photograph. He wanted to give him a father and son portrait for his birthday, according to Fred Seaman.

September 1980

PLAYBOY: "Your son, Julian, from your first marriage must be in his teens. Have you seen him over the years?" LENNON: "Well, Cyn got possession, or whatever you call it. I got rights to see him on his holidays and all that business, and at least there's an open line still going. It's not the best relationship between father and son, but it is there. He's 17 now. Julian and I will have a relationship in the future. Over the years, he's been able to see through the Beatle image and to see through the image that his mother will have given him, subconsciously or consciously. He's interested in girls and autobikes now. I'm just sort of a figure in the sky, but he's obliged to communicate with me, even when he probably doesn't want to." PLAYBOY: "You're being very honest about your feelings toward him to the point of saying that Sean is your first child. Are you concerned about hurting him?" LENNON: "I'm not going to lie to Julian. Ninety percent of the people on this planet, especially in the West, were born out of a bottle of whiskey on a Saturday night, and there was no intent to have children. So 90 percent of us... that includes everybody... were accidents. I don't know anybody who was a planned child. All of us were Saturday-night specials. Julian is in the majority, along with me and everybody else. Sean is a planned child, and therein lies the difference. I don't love Julian any less as a child. He's still my son, whether he came from a bottle of whiskey or because they didn't have pills in those days. He's here, he belongs to me and he always will."

Playboy: I was under the impression that you still weren't seeing Julian much. Lennon: Well, no, he's comin' here over shortly now. I see him whenever he get's off school. Playboy: Has it been hard for him to be John Lennon's kid? Lennon: Yeah, he has his own... Everybody has a cross to bear, and Julian has that cross, and he'll deal with it. He's a clever boy, and as he gets older we can communicate and he'll understand.

[I wasn't sure what upcoming visit John is referring to since I couldn't find one mentioned anywhere. However there is an article in the Daily Mirror from 8 October 1980 including interview passages with Cynthia that mentions Julian currently being in New York. So without any photographic evidence, he isn't in any of the birthday photos, or anecdotes about it, there still might be the possibility that there was a (pre-)birthday visit from Julian to John and Sean in 1980. Julian himself hasn't been completely consistent on when he last saw his Dad. He has said that his '79 birthday visit was their last meeting (which I think is most likely correct), but he also claimed that he was flying out regularly.]

"According to Cynthia, Julian, now 18, plays guitar better than his father. He has left school and is off to New York to stay with his famous dad." Link to the article

In an interview with Jonathan Cott on 5 December John reflects more on the troubles of being a Beatle's son and on how mistakes in his decision for Julian's schooling changed his outlook on his plans for Sean. [Julian had been going to private school since at least 1973.]

"[...] because he can't possibly be an average child, being the son of famous parents. I tried that game with my son Julian, sending him to a comprehensive working-class school, mixing with the people, but the people spat and shit on him, because he was famous, as people are wont to do. So his mother had to finally turn around and tell me to piss off: 'I'm sending him to a private school, the kid is suffering here.' "

Cynthia writes that by the end of 1980 Julian felt a breakthrough in his and his father's relationship. John played Julian songs from his new album over the phone, asking his opinions. source

Julian himself reflects on his and his dad's relationship by the time of his death like this:

"I know that dad's presence will be around for a long time. He was always joking, always sounded happy, which made me think more of him as a friend than a dad. My earliest memory of my father was when I was about three and he sang happy birthday to me. We were living at Weybridge, Surrey, and dad threw a birthday party for me and brought in a long cake shaped like a train and festooned with candles." Sunday Mirror, 5 April 1981

As early as 1982 negative feelings would influence Julian's memory, saying he didn't get to see his father for five years, that he only heard on Birthdays and Christmas from him or that after the first US visit it was again years before he got to go another time, when it was merely months.

"The Beatles sang 'All You Need Is Love' - and that is all I wanted from Dad. It is difficult to explain why I should feel so strongly, when we shared so little. Never once in all the years he lived in America did he even think about coming to see me. Apart from rare visits, I lived from birthdays to Christmas just to hear from him." Julian, 1982

[Those false memories/presentations may have been the result of his beginning break from Yoko around that time and the conflicts about money, or maybe his memories just adapted to the way it was talked about in his family.]

"It was more of one man to another than the usual father and son relationship, because he had been away from me a lot, and he said he realized that. I was just getting through to him and growing up myself and growing out of the silly giggling I did as a young teenager that really annoyed him, when Dad was killed." Julian quoted in Ray Coleman's John bio, pp.620

"Dad was such an influence in my life, it must have been hard on Mum. She'd do her best with presents at birthdays and Christmas, but I always waited for that special present that was bigger than anything else - from him. Yet he never sent anything spontaneously. He'd phone up and ask what I wanted, and it would arrive. I don't think he was trying to buy me in any way. It was just a chance for him to do something for me. He knew I wanted to be a musician and kept telling me to take a long time to get it right. He removed a lot of the stress I suppose other kids might feel. I didn't do very well at school. I don't think I'm dense, but I suppose I'm a bit lazy. There's only one thing I want - to know for sure that Dad loved me as much as I loved him. Or maybe to have him back." Julian, 1982

Edits: 29 April - December 1974 John trial quote added; September 1980 Playboy interview quote added 6 May - added Julian quote about relationship to his father by the time of his death 7 May - added Old Grey Whistle Test clip March 11th 1975 18 May - added info about 3-4 December '79 Daily Mail feature on Julian and Zak, added all the info I could find on any visits in John Green's Dakota Days and multiple notes on to those mentions. 20 May - added Cyn's quote for 28 May 1972. 23 June - added the Tittenhurst floorplan and the link to an extended quote from Julian about being there in German 8 July - added quote from 5 Dec 1980 to Jonathan Cott 20 July - added Julia Baird audio on trying to see Julian for John 1975 22 July - added info on a possible 1980 visit, 1973 interviews, 1976 info, 1980's quote 30 July - Spin interview '75 added, Cynthia quote from Burton Daily Mail '76 added 1 August - added bits from Julian's 1982 article throughout, transcribed some of the jpg quotes, so that I may add more photos, some photos added 4 August - correction in my comments about the likelihood of Dan Richter's children being with them in 1979 19 August - Box of Smile 8 October - Added some postcards, the guitars, reset some photographs because of the picture limit 12 November - Added the video clip from May Pang's doc

[plasticfreckles]

🌙 the S is for Starved Of Touch solavellan enjoy 🌙

He is reluctant to leave her side, to travel with Fiona's mages to measure the artifacts' influence on rifts as per his proposal.

Not when she is barely out of the fever sweats.

She snorts when he voices this, blowing her nose on the muslin fabric scrap that might as well have grown into her like red lyrium since autumn has found Skyhold.

"My brother is among the mages," she says. Ah yes. Haleir. A young one, not even old enough to consider vallaslin, who meant to stop at Skyhold for rest before travelling on to a clan just outside the Graves.

"I'd rather someone kept an eye on him. He tends to pick fights he does not intend to finish." Her ears twitch a little when he drags his nails through her hair, across his scalp.

The medicine won't let her wash herself, but she enjoys having her hairs moved.

"I shall watch out for him, vhenan."

She smiles, wide enough he can see the small gaps between each of her teeth, even the swollen part on the inside of her lip that she chews on when nervous. Presses a kiss to his cheek.

"Thank you. I'll be much better by the time you return, Solas, I promise."

Then she blows out the candles by her bedside and returns to resting.

-

She really is much better by the time they return. So much better, in fact, that he spends quite some time finding her.

She stands with Josephine, intently listening the conversation the Ambassador has with their guest, though he knows she can only understand about half the words passed between them in quick, dialected Orlesian. Serault, if he is not mistaken.

Lavellan clutches a small box with both hands, low to her belly. The swirls burnt into the wood look decidedly like a human interpretation of her vallaslin - just outside of graceful.

She has evidently indulged in the extensive bath she has whenever she returns to Skyhold for more than a week; where she scrubs her skin with three different soaps, puts rosemary cream into her every strand of hair and wraps her head in a beeswax towel, trims her nails and takes out all her piercings to clean with alcohol. She holds her waves out of her face with two jewelled braids tied behind her head. The flowy, light blue chiffon is held to her body with pearled straps over shoulders and arms and a stained bronze corset.

He knows her back is bare beneath her hair. Three months past, he's watched Lavellan make the gown, holding the fabric taut with her toes while carefully trimming it with a blade. She had shrugged when he noted her crouched position on the floor, the availability of scissors in the hold. I've always sewn this way. That I have a clean ground to do it on is more luxury than I have ever known.

There's power that she exudes, wearing this thin a layer in this cold a part of the fortress. But he knows the tights over stockings over wool socks inside thick riding boots underneath her skirt.

He hadn't noticed her hair had grown so long that when undone, it flowed down to just above her thighs.

When she catches his eye (his staring, really), casually shifting on her feet like playing the Game was all she had ever done, and she smiles at him, he can see he even put powdered colour on her face, blue on her eyes, pink on her lips. It makes the lines of her vallaslin look all the brighter.

Solas finds he does not hate the marks as much, suddenly. Not on her.

"Forgive me," he hears her say, struggling to wrap her lips around the Orlesian sounds, not unlike she had struggled to speak their language, before he had started to teach her. "I must meet with this agent. He has been instrumental in measuring the Veil." She tilts her head toward the emissary, then motions for Solas to follow her toward the War Room.

He barely gets to close the door behind them before she kisses him.

"I missed you," she huffs into the space between them, one hand on his waist, the other lifting the box over his shoulder.

She all but pushes him into the wall behind him.

-

"What happened?" She follows his glance down her arm, extended before him from pushing a marker - her marker - back into the Hinterlands.

Three long, bloody clawmarks run along the freckled, perfect skin of her forearm. The tattoo she has there, simple thin rings drawn when she served as practice canvas for her clan's First to learn vallaslin, has barely been touched.

She shrugs.

"The barn cat had her young two days ago. A dead one was still halfways stuck inside her, like she'd just given up on number five. I tried to pull it out." A little chuckle, like she can't believe her own foolishness. "She did not like that."

"Who would?" She moves to sit atop the edge of the war table, tugging him closer by his hands until he stands between her thighs.

"I didn't say I blame her. And I've gotten scratched up worse before, so.. It doesn't look infected; I think I'll just wait it out." He won't let her finish her sentence before he smoothes his palm over the wounds, trickling magic into her skin.

"...I could've just put calendula ointment on it, you know." There's mirth in her voice as she says it.

"Indulge me, my heart," he replies, instead of saying You are in everything I do and I cannot bear to see you hurt, so please forgive your old lover's stubbornness.

Her hands brush against the dark stubbles on the back of his skull as she embraces him.

He never learns the contents of the box.

🌙

followup to the wishful thinking ficlet, inspired by both 1 danaerys gif thats in my mind rent free and also all 3 of our cats yelling so loud on the way to the car that the neighbors came to look what the fuss is about (they're probably fine)

[vkooksupremacy]

Let's leave together, forever

Sung Hanbin x Male Reader

To watch the person you loved trapped in an arranged marriage is torture. And that's exactly what Y/N felt. With tear filled eyes and trembling hands, he helped his now ex boyfriend straighten his tie.

He could feel Hanbin's n's eyes on him the entire time, but refused to meet them. The hurt was too much to bear.

"I won't say yes." The words took Y/N off guard. He looked into Hanbin's eyes, and they held a sincerity that Y/N couldn't bear. "I'll go to the altar, but I won't marry her.

"Bin-"

"Run away with me, live our lives somewhere else." Hanbin begged, with unshed tears glossing his eyes too. "I talked to my uncle and aunt in Germany. We'll start a new life there."

"Of course." Y/N squeezed Hanbin's hand one last time and departed the room. Hanbin, too, left the room, to wait at the altar. Their friends were now all in on the plan, ready to stop anyone from stopping the two.

Eunha, Hanbin's bride, was only too happy to agree to this marriage. She'd harbored feelings for Hanbin since forever, but he only had eyes for Y/N. Eunha was determined to make Hanbin cut ties with Y/N after the wedding.

"Speak now, or forever rhild your peace."

"I object!" Gasps came from everyone as they stared at Hanbin, unable to fathom it. "I was forced into this marriage. Even if the bride willingly entered it, I will not."

"I'd rather leave this country than spend my life without the one person I love. Lee Y/N." Y/N's outstretched hand met Hanbin's, and together they ran. Ran all the way out of the church, their friends not far behind, laughing happily.

"That was epic!" Yujin cried, as he and Taerae ran circles around the others. "Did you see Eunha's face?"

"Oh that was epic alright." There was a twinkle in Hanbin's eye. "Come on boys, we've got a life to start in Germany."

____________________

"Hello?"

"Sung Hanbin how dar you!" His mother shrieked. "We were going to strike it rich! And you- you and your little boyfriend just had to ruin it!"

"I will never marry someone I don't love." Hanbin said calmly. "And if that means never seeing you again, so be it. Y/N's my one and only. Accept it or leave my life."

"See how you like it then." Hanbin's mother hung up.

Y/N let out a snort and Hanbin began to laugh too. There was nothing funny about the situation really.

"Why are you guys laughing?" Ricky asked, walking in with two bags of food.

"Mrs Sung." Y/N sniggered. "She told Hanbin to see how he likes not talking to her, when he hasn't spoken to her since the 'wedding'."