#I'd like to take this as a sign that I'm writing complex characters if people view them as such!

[mcalhenwrites]

Can I rant about Seasons for a bit?

I don't think that Vivian and Graham are bad people. Bad parents maybe, but i think their character and behavior is only a result of circumstances neither of them could control in their past. I'm not trying to justify their behavior. Vivian growing up in an abusive household, being taken in by someone who treated him just a little kinder than others must've warped his views on love and parenting a lot. He will never see the corporal and harsh punishment of his children as wrong because when he was growing up, he felt he deserved it. No matter how small the infraction is, Because, at least now, he wasn't beat for nothing, right? Coming into magic didn't help his situation much at all, I suppose. Just gave him more outlet to express his emotions, especially as a teen going through a rebellious phase.

Graham if I remember correctly was kind of sheltered growing up and I think he latched on to that connection with Vivian quickly as teenagers do. Whirlwind romance. He was so quick to pick up and leave everything behind for his exciting new companion, not noticing what kind of influence and reputation Viv had. He stayed with him throughout the years and allowed him to be the more dominant partner because of that I think.

I wondered, without the secret of the magic to keep, would Vivian still have treated Shannon so terribly? I think he would have. He would always fond something to let boil over, and they'd end up right back in that cellar again. I think having magic made Vivian a lot more bold and careless than he would've been without it. The ability to just shut out the outside world from your affairs and be able to disappear whenever you please made him overconfident and seeking that power. If he didn't have magic, I imagine things would've come to a head between he and Graham about his parenting style much sooner...

Sorry for the long rant 😅 Feel free to ignore this! I apologize if I'm wrong about your characterization

Oh, I absolutely love this ask, and I welcome discussions about Seasons! Thank you for taking the time to type all of this out and share it with me. :D

This might turn into a long response, sorry in advance.

I didn’t want Vivian and Graham to come off as complete monsters when I wrote the story. In fact, Vivian ended up worse than I initially intended, because I did not predict he would use his magic on Howie. That scene just happened. (A lot of this story did, if I’m honest, but I had vague ideas about what I wanted to do with it.)

The thing is, each of their children—especially Howie—are the focus of this story. All of them are highlighted in some way. And Howie loves them at the beginning of Seasons. He leans into Vivian and Graham’s affections whenever he can get them, starved for attention. He wants them in his life and initially starts off the story far more forgiving than how he feels by the end of it.

Bee adores both of them as any small child who needs their parents often does. El wants Vivian and Graham to do better so he can forgive them.

I have a tendency to write a lot of stories with abusive parents who are misguided by their own upbringing and societal norms. They’re antagonists, but not all antagonists are evil. The generational cycle continues until the offspring who chose to break it come along. (And sometimes it’s a mix, where some of them continue it and others break it.)

Not to say that anyone who reacts with “I want to take a shiv to Vivian” is wrong! I get the urge to say it and usually get a good laugh out of making jokes like that myself. In fact, I realized while typing this up that “Shiv Viv” is funny as hell…

That said, I’m so glad that people can see Vivian and Graham as more than just evil characters without depth to their characters! And I’m grateful you’re not trying to justify their parenting, I appreciate that. (Discussing their parenting is interesting and I do welcome it, I just never want another comment like the one that told me El deserved a spanking for blowing up at Vivian. As if the beginning of that chapter hadn’t highlighted how badly Vivian and Graham gaslighted El and how much pain that boy had bottled up.)

I really hope “Cosmos”—the prequel about Vivian’s youth—will highlight a lot more about Vivian’s character and his relationship with Graham.

It’s true that he saw Gideon as a savior because some things got better. There’s a conversation in one of my older stories, Cashmere, where one character is mad at his boyfriend for how he treats others. The defense from the boyfriend is, “at least I’m not my parents” and his partner retorts, “You know, just because you’re better than some people out there, it doesn’t mean you can’t still be wrong.”

Gideon still wronged Vivian, he just didn’t starve him or clobber him or sexually abuse him.

The worst part is that not only did Vivian normalize Gideon’s style of parenting, but their society has normalized it too. Vivian has so few positive influences and no one to step in and say, “Hey, this isn’t right.”

As for Graham, he was a bit sheltered in his early years. He still went to school and made friends, and his father was somewhat active in his life (not always in a good way). But he 100% got carried away by his romantic inclinations. Running away with the love of your life and going on an adventure sounds like a lot of fun when you’re young. (Though he wasn’t a teen, he was in his twenties. But I’d argue that most of your 20s are all about doing new things and screwing most of them up. Most of life is like that, actually, but it’s especially true for your 20s. Source: I’m in my late 30s.)

I agree that Viv’s magic plays a huge role in everything, from the continuation of his relationship with Graham, his parenting going unchecked, and his personal growth.

Graham is scared of Vivian’s magic after a while. He’s not aging, and everyone around him is getting old or dying. All that will be left is Vivian. And he doesn’t know at this point that Vivian going to be the kind of father he is until Shannon is there. By that point, Graham can’t leave. Shannon is biologically Vivian’s, and Vivian can just magic all these children into existence if he pleases. Graham may not be a great father—he’s much like his own, who whipped him a lot growing up—but he tries to talk Vivian down. Sometimes he even succeeds, even if only mildly, and that further convinces him that he can’t leave the children to Vivian.

The catch with Shannon is that Vivian would have been ready to parent when he had a child if not for his magic. Vivian was homeless and didn’t like sudden changes unless they were his decision, and Shannon just plopped into his life and forced Vivian into parenthood.

By the time Vivian would have willingly had children without his magic there, he would have felt the consequences of his actions more explicitly. Imagine El, Howie, and Bee all hitting puberty and teens normally, with no magic but zero tolerance for Vivian’s expectations. They’d have friends in their age groups. Influences, bad and good. No magic signatures to track them if they sneak out of the house at night. (Howie is the type who sneaks out and goes on the rooftops with his friends.)

Vivian is the epitome of someone who doesn’t do well with most changes. His magic was his barrier and kept him frozen in time in many ways. He adapted to some technology, but no doubt he dislikes some of it. (In some ways, he’s right, let’s hate smart appliances.) While it’s not bad that he’s still accustomed to styles and decor that have come out of fashion, it still applies to how he treats his children.

He stunted their growth with that frozen time. All of them—Graham, the children, and himself.

He found comfort alongside that power in his magic, and he doesn’t see the latter as much as the people he has power over can see it. He just knows the comfort it gave him.

I don’t think Graham would have even stuck around with Vivian if they had both aged normally and immortality wasn’t so enticing. He would have watched the pair of them get old, both of them unhappy, and maybe chose not to have that for the rest of his life. Left so he could be happy elsewhere before he reached his thirties or forties.

I wonder if Vivian would have had children at all then, or if he would have died miserable and alone after Graham left.

[cripplecharacters]

I have a character who is nonverbal, intellectually disabled, and uses an AAC device. I'm wondering how I would write down her inner thoughts and monologue? Would she think in full English sentences, in AAC symbols, or something else?

Hi asker,

I will start off by letting you know that there is no single definitive answer for this, but I still have thoughts and ideas.

So, as for the question of would she think in AAC symbols or English sentences, that really depends on your character. It could be either.

Some nonverbal people, but not all, don't think in words at all, but more in images or associations, so this could be the case of your character and might even be part of why they are nonverbal and need AAC. (Some people who aren't nonverbal also don't think in words either, but your character is, so that's what I'll focus on here!)

Your character could also think in words. They might think entirely in words, or partly. They might think in what you would think of as more 'standard' English sentences, or maybe more simplified sentences.

For example, it's common for people with ID to use simpler syntax and/or less abstract language. But language abilities are a wide range, and this can extend to AAC usage. Some people might use more complex sentences, while some might might only be able to use two words in a sentence. Some people might get the hang of pronouns, and some might not. Some people might get the hang of conjugating verbs, some might not. Some people speak more slowly or with more pauses. You have a lot of leeway in how to conceptualize your character's thoughts.

I want to add one thing: a lot of ways that people with ID people can speak are used to make fun of people. Slower speech, simple sentences, not conjugating some words, stuff like that. If you include this, you have to take care to make sure that the message you’re sending by including them is “some people just talk like this” and not “isn’t it so funny/weird/gross/weird that some people talk this way? Let’s make fun of it/focus on how weird and different (derogatory) it is”.

However, the limitations of a written medium is that at the end of the day you will in fact have to use words to write what is going on in her brain, even if she doesn't think in words.

So I would say: focus on figuring out how your character manages language, since there’s many different ways they can, and then once you decide that it might be easier to figure out exactly how to write them. Mod sasza has even more points below!

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

Hi, I'd consider how your character learned language. If her first exposure was a symbol-based AAC device, there's a higher chance she'd think in AAC symbols than if she first communicated via sign language or anything else that's not a symbol-based AAC device.

I'm fully verbal and actually mostly think in associations and other non-language ways like pictures (though when I'm imagining things like an actual conversation, I do use language). That's why for me and a lot of other people with ID (verbal or not) it can take longer to think of what to say; you need to translate your thoughts to language first.

With your character having much more severe language disability than me, I'd guess that she either used very simple sentence construction or that you'd have to describe her thoughts in a less direct manner (associations or visuals), which will be more time-consuming to write and more cryptic to readers (which makes it realistic, communication with people with significant language problems takes longer, if mind reading was real it would apply to it too).

You should definitely consider the things mentioned by Sparrow; whether she understands pronouns, conjugation, can she differentiate similar words correctly (e.g., love/like, handsome/pretty), etc.

Depending on her level of ID, she might think "I'm hungry" as anything between "Damn, I wish I was eating a burger right now" (complete English sentence) through "Yes food" (in which "yes" means positive rather than agreeing with someone) or "Images of her home kitchen flashed through her head" (simply associating kitchen with the feeling of hunger), to "Two symbols from her board; one meaning 'me' with the second showing an empty plate, went through her mind over and over". There is a big difference between a person with mild ID who might be unable to speak because they can't coordinate their mouth to make actual words but don't struggle with grammar at all, and a person with a profound ID whose entire AAC board is "yes" and "no" (or not even that, but I wanted an example to show what could be someone's existing-but-very-limited language ability).

Obviously some of these are more clunky, some are less so. But the way a lot of nonverbal ID people communicate isn't perfectly clear and direct, and there is a lot of variety in the manner that it shows.

I also wrote this post about speech in intellectual disability that you might find useful. I hope this helps !

mod Sasza

[avelera]

haha, whoops, i'm one of the people who're guilty of kinda enjoying the nickname thing (i don't write though), but it's a good point that it contradicts how they express themselves in canon

idk what country you're from, maybe this is not new info, but to maybe add further context:

i get an impression that in english getting called by a nickname/shortened version of your name is a very usual, casual thing, like if you introduce yourself as daniel you may get called dan by people immediately, unprompted, even in a [semi] professional setting? meanwhile i just don't like my name very much and want people to call me by the shortened version. just without the last syllable, nothing elaborate. and i do feel pretty weird introducing myself that way or explaining if asked, it feels like i'm asking people to show friendliness/closeness by asking that. also if they do know my legal name (at work for example) they end up defaulting to it often anyway. i think i could get away with it though if i had a more friendly and bubbly demeanor

basically i'm wondering if this is a thing because for some people it has more of a baked-in meaning of closeness, or at least overt friendliness, than it usually has in english. (though again i agree that this is not a thing in their canon dynamic)

Hmm, so my answer to this is multifaceted so bear with me for a second.

Just to keep it on Viktor and Jayce for a second, I'm a whacky stickler for writing characters as they are in canon. Many fanfics aren't even trying to be canon-adjacent though so while them using nicknames in a fic takes me out of the story, it's not necessarily right or wrong, it's just how the writer chose to write their story.

I was mostly making the point against them using nicknames from the point of view of, "If you're trying to write them in-character, why would you use nicknames? They never use nicknames." Which is also why I opened it up for the possibility that they do use nicknames in League of Legends, which turned out to be true and explains a lot of why that trickled into Arcane fic. I'm just an Arcane-only person so it raises my hackles a bit when I see those two blended but I get why people do it and would probably do the same if I knew League. (Jayce is just so different from his LoL counterpart it's hard for me to get on board with and it's why I didn't really engage with the fandom when only S1 was out even though on my own I watched Arcane like 100 times straight).

Ok as for the cultural stuff, obviously I can't speak for the entire Anglosphere but I can offer my perspective.

Yes, having a nickname is common and commonly used as a sign of affection. For example, my name is Maggie which is short for Margaret. I'd be put off if someone used my full name, but it has three syllables which is also a longer name than Viktor which is just two syllables I don't really get why it needs to be shortened further, but that's just me, the owner of a two-syllable name.

Unlike some other languages like, say, Japanese though US English does not have as rigid a hierarchy of which names to use to denote familiarity, at least not between adults (as a child, I was always taught to use Mr./Ms. "Last Name" with adults). You'd use last names upon introduction, sure, but switching to first names quickly is hardly unheard of, or even nicknames. I know some other languages like Russian, for example, also have a complex system for how and when to use diminutives and they specifically denote levels of closeness and familiarity (or at least, so my small brush with Russian literature taught me).

Now where I'd add the Jayvik nuance is that regardless of what someone's name is, long, short, nickname, or last name, you always use the name people ask you to use.

So if I had a colleague named William who wants to go by William and doesn't want to be called Will, it would be impolite for me to use a nickname if he didn't want it, even if it's easier for me to say. The most common polite thing to do with strangers or in a formal setting is use Mr./Ms. Last Name until that person gives you permission to use their first name, which is usually given pretty quickly unless the person is a bit of a jerk lol.

So yeah, to your last point, I think it's possible (I don't want to presume) that people having Jayce give Viktor a nickname when he doesn't in the show are either:

1) Basing it off League or general fanon or

2) Choosing to show closeness between them using nicknames as a love language that contradicts what the show portrays, which again, is an artistic choice that's completely valid, even if it's not for me. And I do think that yes, that's because I believe a greater mark of affection, for me, is using the name someone requests of you rather than using a diminutive or nickname that they didn't ask for.

I hope this sort of answers your ask and isn't just me rambling, lol!

[call-me-copycat]

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[dolceaspidenera]

Hey everyone, here's the second entry for my playlists of the Touch Starved characters and this time is Ais' turn (gosh I'm obsessed with this man)!

You can find the complete playlist on Spotify at this link

Of all the characters' playlists, this is the most metal-packed one, let's see how many metalheads are hidden in this fandom 🤘🏻😁 As always, feel free to let me know what you think and, if you want, to share your own playlists, I'd really love to geek together about music and Touch Starved!

A couple of thoughts on my song choices

I think Ais is a much more complex character than he appears to be and despite this, he strikes you with a disarming simplicity. His being a black sheep and an outcast creates a sense of affinity that is easy to empathize with, while his disarming honesty about feeling alone gives the final blow in all its rawness. He is a misfit who pretends to be okay with it but deep down yearns for connection, he presents himself as violent and dangerous (which he definitely is) and yet deep down he is also caring, vulnerable and lonely. 

Which musical genre, therefore, is better suited to those who feel a bit like black sheep and marginalized by their community than heavy metal? Heavy metal, despite the many groups that have literally made the history of music, was originally mocked and denigrated, considered transgressive, dangerous music and swamped by criticism and prejudice. At the same time, it was able to gather around those who felt outcasts and enable them to express all the rage and frustration that come with it, while finding a sense of pride and membership. Metal is by its nature a genre without filters, it enters your guts creating raw emotions and I think it is the most suitable to describe Ais, who, in his very design, clearly bears the signs and brand of metalheads (rings, bracelets and leather belts and studded boots) and I am convinced that it is no coincidence.

Songs with an irreverent nature like Bad Reputation and Highway to Hell were obvious choices, Bad Boys Are Here in particular suited Ais' fondness for brawling, as well as being reminiscent of his gang, while Evil Eyes is rather self-explanatory. I then wanted to add a few more "angry" songs that well describe his situation with Ocudeus both musically and with their lyrics; Hive Mind, Domination, Master of Puppets and Perfect Insanity speak for themselves, while The Thing That Should Not Be was simply a must considering that it was written taking inspiration from Lovecraft works. Inside The Fire is perhaps the piece that requires a little more interpretation but it made me think of all the people who have found themselves choosing to drink from the Seaspring in the past.

Also, I added several songs, Flip in particular, which have peculiar sound influences and reminded me of the Ais' and Seaspring's music themes (which are the best pieces of the whole demo in my humble opinion), as well as being spot-on even as lyrics. Nobody's Listening caught my attention for the Japanese flute integrated into the song which refers to all the elements of oriental culture present in Ais' design and it was immediately a perfect match. Smoke and Water could very well have been written for Ais since it fits him perfectly, it's dark, eerie and sexy at the same time.

Finally, to highlight the most vulnerable sides of this multifaceted character (and to take a breather amidst all the angst-filled songs), I chose songs like Lonely Day (which speaks for itself), Demons of Pain and Fear of The Water, which fits very well with a scenario where MC decides to drink from the Seaspring. 

I started with the good purpose of keeping it short ad ended up writing sooo much, I'm sorry. If you read this far, thank you! If you also happen to listen to this playlist and enjoy it, double thank you and congratulations, you have excellent music taste! 🫵🏽🤘🏻

[linkspooky]

got any new ocs that you’re planning on writing for any future fics?

My last Jujutsu Kaisen fic won't feature any new ocs. It's just the conclusion to Michi and Lio's stories. I'm planning on the sequel to Owl of You which doesn't use any ocs because I actually don't have Tokyo Ghoul Ocs.

So there's no ocs for upcoming fic project, but I can introduce you to the two main characters for a completely original story I'm working on.

The Title is Generation Exo, and basically the idea for the story came from when people kept asking me if I was going to write an MHA fix it fic after I wrote my 10,000 essays on how much I was disappointed by the ending. I was seriously considering writing a fic where the league survives, but that seemed like so much effort for a series that I've mostly fallen out of love with that I'd be better off using those ideas to write my own superhero story.

So, here are the two heroes.

Anastassya Filippovna Barashkov

Nastya Barakov, also known as Nasty to the people who dislike her. She's the former leader of this story's equivalent of the League of Villains. She was raised her entire life to be a leader, and basically has been training to use her powers since she was 12 but she is basically a bully with an inferiority superiority complex and sucks so hard at being a leader than the entire team turned against her and tried to kill her.

She almost died but was saved by a random stranger. However, she's not particularly grateful to this stranger and instead of thanking him she decides to turn him into her lackey, and use him as a pawn for her revenge against her former team while pretending to be training him to be a better hero.

She's considered a madwoman by most of her ex-friends, she's dangerous and unstable, and is deep down aware that she's not a good person and doesn't think she deserves to have friends which is why she can't trust other people and relies on manipulation or outright abuse instead.

She can steal powers from others, but there are a lot of conditions for using her power. She can't just take them she has to form a contract with the original power owner to let her borrow the power. They have to like, actually sign something. She also can't control which powers she uses, when she decides to use someone else's power she has to roll a roullete and gets a power from one of the many she's collected at random. Basically like Chrollo but if he was forced to flip to a completely random page in the book.

Her hero name is Risk because of how much her power is completely up to luck.

Lev Nikolayevich Myshkin

Also called Mysh by his friends, and mockingly called a Prince at the private school both he and Nastya attend because of how insanely rich his father is.

Mysh is the random stranger who saved Nastya. She is immediately surprised to find out he's not just some rando who passed her by on the street, but a superhero just like her. However, at the moment he's not interested in going to one of the hero schools or being an official hero, so he just uses an app his friend made for him to do random chores for people around his community who post on his app. He's basically an errand boy with superpowers.

Mysh is incredibly unambitious, and pretends to be a normal, boring person in order to avoid responsibility. Right away that's proven not to be true, because not only is he insane enough to just, save a random stranger on the street, learn she's a former villain and then let her stay at his house anyway. He also falls in love with her almost immediately. Mysh also, despite being inexperienced, possesses the power to control gravity which is insanely broken.

Unlike Nastya who had a shitty life, Mysh was born with a lot of luck. He basically won the superpower lottery by having a strong, easy to use power with almost no drawbacks. The only thing really holding him back is his own laziness and lack of drive. He's thoroughly convinced himself he'll never be anyone special and doesn't bother to try. He does dream of being a hero, but he doesn't want to leave behind his normal, every day life.

One good metaphor for this is Mysh is actually pretty decent at art. He fills piles of notebooks up with doodling, because he hates paying attention in class and only puts in the effort to maintain a solid C+ averange, but they're just doodles. He wanted to be a comic book artist when he was a little kid, but then his dad took an interest and said he would pay for art school which made Mysh immediately hide his notebooks away in his closet out of embarrassment. Since, being an artist isn't a REAL career, and he doesn't think he would ever be succesful at it.

Mysh is a really sensitive pure hearted soul, who is kind of too pure for the world he exists in. Which is why he is very blind to people's dark sides, and doesn't suspect Nastya at all which leads to him being manipulated for most of the story.

[ar-guile]

Writer tag game!

Tagged by @ramatetsu

When did you start writing?

It depends on what you mean by 'writing'. My roleplaying career began when I got my mom to sign a permission slip to mail to the Neopets HQ (a literal piece of paper, sent through the post office) to let me access the forums. Under-13s weren't allowed, you see.

Fun fact: I failed creative writing in high school and almost couldn't graduate! tbh I only started writing on my own when I was like 27

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

I enjoy scifi and speculative fantasy, especially when the worldbuilding is allowed to affect the story and characters. Those finicky pedantic little details are where I live, but I tend to write on a smaller scale where that doesn't come into play so often.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I sit sideways in an armchair and write on my phone. Everyone wishes it didn't squeak when I rock. That's too bad. Squeaksqueaksqueaksqueak

Sometimes I think I'd enjoy a chaise lounge or a fainting couch (in a fantasy life where we have a real living room), but I know I'd miss the rocking too much.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

It used to be music. Now that I'm old, I think of how their quirks intersect with regular life until something snags my brain to drag me outta my own head and into someone else's.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Declaration of autonomy in situations where the characters have limited control over their circumstances. Building a life in spite of the futility. Some know what they're facing from the beginning, some start out thinking they have it all under control and find out just how wrong they were. Tone varies from fluffy to grim, but I always gotta have some humor in there or I'll die

(I had to get help with this question... and then I got called out)

What is your reason for writing?

Part of me wants to say it's a propaganda campaign for whatever my brain is orbiting around, but for that to be true I'd need to actually share the stuff I write instead of letting it sit on my hard drive. I mostly just enjoy the process of getting a story out of my head and onto a page. Words are fun!

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I hope they look between two stories narrated by different characters and have trouble believing they're written by the same person. Voice is my strongest trait by miles and miles. My characterization isn't always what matches the common fandom interpretation, so while it might hit some people the wrong way, there's a chance it'll Open Their Eyes To Another Way.

(If not, hate is still a strong emotional reaction so I'll take it lmao)

How do you feel about your own writing?

I have a sliiiight superiority complex, but I really agonize over my writing so I figure that's for the best? Gotta feel good about the stuff I torture myself over

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I would get bored if I were writing for other people more than myself. That gives it a unique flavor, too. If I do what makes my brain buzz instead of trying to be palatable, it's waaaay more likely to hit those notes for someone else.

I sound so full of myself with these questions and that's kind of hilarious. I'm actually way too shy to tag anyone so if you wanna fill it out you're absolutely welcome! Yes that includes you even if we've never exchanged a single word

[spiders-hth-is-an-outlier]

now I'm curious, can you tell us more about writing Flourish out of order? what made you decide to try writing it that way? what was agonizing about it??

I think honestly I decided to do it that way as an experiment, because so many other writers say it works for them, and on paper it does seem like a good strategy for keeping your interest focused over a long project. It's something I'd been interested in experimenting with for a while, and Flourish seemed like the right story for it because of the structure.

If your memory is good or you've read the author's notes recently, you'll know that Flourish began life kind of as a stunt -- a bunch of people on Tumblr were laughing at Rudy Giuliani, as one does, and saying that "landscaper next to the dildo store" should become the new fandom trope to replace "flower shop next to the tattoo parlor." I often get ideas by hearing something stupid and thinking, okay, but if you did want to do that for real, how would you? And I got really hooked on this idea of Quentin running this super nerdy, Ivy League sex shop, and Eliot, who comes from this canonically working-class background, struggling to find some kind of balance between his origin story and his artistic temperament in a way that was more complex than just fucking off and pretending to be someone else.

But that was really all I had, going in! There was absolutely nothing like a plot involved. I knew it would have to take place over a year or more, so I kind of broke it out seasonally and did a bunch of research about gardening in Pennsylvania specifically and the landscaping industry generally (my Kindle Unlimited algorithms were bonkers for a while). I noodled around with the concept of plants and blooming where you're planted. I came up with a huge, detailed backstory for the Waugh family, since I knew it was going to have to be his connection to his family that drew Eliot there at all, and I knew I really liked the idea that Eliot and Ted became garden buddies before Eliot and Quentin were really a thing. I had a general sense that there was going to be a culminating conflict between Julia wanting to leave the business and Q feeling betrayed by that. And at the point where I signed up for the Big Bang, that was more or less all I knew, and I thought, okay, maybe what I do is just put these characters in rooms and let them bounce off each other until I figure out what I really want the story to look like.

And honestly, that part wasn't too disastrous. I wrote a lot of the Eliot stuff first, since I had a stronger sense of his conflict, and I let Quentin's Whole Deal emerge gradually -- which is why I think his arc is a little more messy, but you can get away with messy in Quentin's case, it's Quentin.

I got to the point where I had about 30k of fiction and I was like, okay, I get this story, I can explain it to myself. I wrote an outline. And that's where I fucked up, because what I should have done is backed up to the beginning and wrote like I always do, filling in the gaps chronologically and editing completed scenes where necessary. But I was still into this idea that I was Letting the Story Lead Me or some fucking thing, who knows, and I started just tackling scenes from my outline whenever I thought of something cool to do with them.

And that was a disaster, because what I should have realized about myself is that for me, the pleasure of writing is in the momentum of it. When I write, I do generally have a sense of what the third act will contain, but the fun of it is kind of -- building the deck or laying out the game board. I spend a lot of time setting up People With Problems, and then as I'm actually writing, I'm solving their problems, and the biggest component of that is letting them talk long enough to figure out what they think their problems are, which is rarely what I think their problems are, but to me the most interesting thing about any human being is where they're wrong about themselves. So as I write, I'm always using the things these characters say and think to build the conflict, I'm basically starting out with my story and learning as I go why they're not already doing what I think they should do -- what I will eventually get them to do.

This may all seem a little abstract, but trust me, there's a click that happens when the story shifts gears and I'm no longer setting things up, but now I'm writing to address what's in motion, not to Create Problems On Purpose anymore, but to drive those problems to a head and then solve them. And with Flourish, I never felt that click, I was never able to Win the Story, because big chunks of the first act still weren't in place until very late in the process.

And on a practical level, it meant that certain late things were supposed to be a bigger deal, but I wrote it so slowly and with such frustration that I just didn't have time to set them up as much as I imagined I would -- Quentin's contentious relationship with Marina was supposed to be a thread, and when I wrote the later scenes it was theoretically resonant that Julia says "you both made me carry this as a secret from the people I love, you both let me down." But then the way the story evolved, that just got squeezed out because there wasn't an organic spot for it and I didn't have time to create new scenes for it. So stuff like that, where if I'd been writing Act Three with complete knowledge of what actually had and hadn't happened earlier, I'd have approached it differently. And that was super frustrating and made me feel like I was fucking it up.

In retrospect, I do like Flourish a lot. I think I made the story work, mostly just through brute force. But when I look at it, I can definitely see the seams, where the transitions seem abrupt and random, where certain things still look to me like responses to events that never actually happened in the story. It's fine, it worked out mostly. But I truly never enjoyed writing it in the way I usually enjoy writing, and I absolutely think it's because I didn't have a strong, completed first act pushing me through to an ending that felt like a justified payoff to Page One.

Anyway, thanks for the ask, this was cathartic! And, uh, people should read Flourish, which I think is a pretty decent little novel about taking the hand you're dealt in life and trying to turn it into something you're proud of. It's so AU that I think even if you've never seen a Magicians in your life, it's completely readable.

[warren-keplers-funk-band]

can we talk about how much more daddy quaritch is in the new avatar??

both literally and figuratively i guess hAH

now, listen, let me explain myself!! i know he's a raging annoying bastard asshole but like- actually no i cannot explain myself. that's just who i am ig i look at a man who is actively trying to decimate a whole species, is burning down people's homes and killing beautiful wildlife and i'm like babygirl <3 why you do this to me

god i genuinely don't know what happened i had like no strong feelings about quaritch in the first film past him being a vaguely amusing if unorginal villain but dAMn,, idk what kinda direction they gave stephen lang in this one but he was like 500% more attractive what is wrong with me

and like honestly he was the highlight of the movie for me because i was incredibly dissappointed by the writing and plot, but the image of a band of na'vi bodies in full camo and sunglasses and military buzzcuts combined with the ponytail was so fucking ridiculous that i actually enjoyed myself.

also sidenote,, the colonel and his goons being brought back, while enjoyable, is genuinely some of the stupidest shit i have witnessed in mainstream cinema. you expect me to believe that they put an easily replaceable (as proven by the fact that he was already replaced) dumbass military leader and some of his dudes into bodies of an alien species they fucking hate- because, what, the colonel wanted revenge against jake?? that's enough reason to grow him a fucking, as established, super expensive alien clone backup???? sure. yeah. ok. if they have the technology to grow alien clones can they not just grow human clones??? man idk. sure. it was to infiltrate jake's camp. whatever.

anyways yes quaritch was incredibly fucking hot in this film and i blame it 50% on the fact that he's now a CONFLICTED FATHER??? yes absolutely sign me up that's my type

like sure i high key hated how patriarchal this film ended up being with so much importance being placed on fatherhood, as well as them forcing some connection between spider and quaritch when they literally didn't know each other bUT putting all that aside- i live for!! bastard psycho characters!! going soft!! against their will!!

spider asked him not to kill the na'vi woman and he didn't???? uhuh yes. spider was being threatened by neytiri and quaritch actually faltered??? gave up his hostage, his advantage against jake?? absofuckinglutely yes please

like i hate where the sentiment came from, but i love that it's there.

i was half expecting a quaritch redemption arc when spider was teaching them the language and how to fly ikran and all that- after all, jake did say that the problem with pandora was loving her too much. honestly, it could still come, fingers crossed oml i'd fucking perish, quaritch actually realising pandora is beautiful, quaritch redemption??? pls like he is stuck in this body now whether he likes it or not he's not remotely controlling it, would it take that much for him to start getting convinced??

obviously he has to die, he's going to die, he's committed too many crimes against the protagonists to live bUT even more internal conflict??? deathbed apology??? paternal instincts winning over revenge????? dying to save spider??? please please mr cameron i'll pay anything to watch babygirl get fucked over emotionally it's what i live for

HE'S SO HOT

sorry this was a mess i just needed to get it out there i love my annoying bastard i have some sort of a complex probably

little meow meow, fucked ass bitch love him love him with all my heart

[breakfastteatime]

It's so interesting reading everyone's interpretations of Bode because I have a completely different one. I don't think he's an abuser. He's a manipulator for sure, but I think, for him, it was a necessary skill given to him by the people who manipulated him. It was a means to survive. Did it make him evil? He's Cal's foil, so yeah, I guess, but I don't think he was ever inherently*evil*. He feared losing his daughter and the means to protect her- Cal had the same types of fears, but whereas Cal *almost* lost himself, Bode absolutely did.

It's tragic, intriguing, and complex. Good story telling imo lol, because everyone can have these sorts of reactions to him and ultimately, we're probably all correct in some way. I wonder if more players would be sympathetic if he'd been given the Joel Miller (Last of Us) treatment ... Maybe Bode didn't deserve a pyre for his actions, but for his daughter and for the man he once was, yes. I think it was the right call and Cere and Cordova being the Jedi they were, I don't think they would've begrudged the decision. Which just, *feels all around*.

I agree - it's a sign of excellent writing that we can all take slightly different things from Bode.

Very nice comparison with Joel. His actions at the end of TLOU are *morally wrong*. He chose the life of one over all of humanity, and yet every time I'm like "KILL 'EM ALL, JOEL! GET ELLIE!!!" because I took them on that journey and there's no way Joel was going to lose her. I also find myself justifying it every time too (Oh, but it's too late for humanity! There's no way to rebuild! It's time to move on BLAH BLAH BLAH) which is interesting. Joel makes the wrong choice, but also the most human one. By that point, he was incapable of making another. Perhaps had Bode been shown to be a better father the way Joel is, he would be more sympathetic. And arguably he was somewhat sympathetic *until* you start finding all those post-game echoes... I was of the belief that he was genuinely on Cal's side up until he defeats Dagan and Cal says Tanalorr is for everyone in need of sanctuary, but then there's that Luchrehulk echo about how Bode's 'almost' letting himself really feel for Cal and yeah, nah. That guy was never in it to find a way out *with* Cal. He was finding a way out through Cal. And yes, to a certain extent, Bode is being manipulated by Denvik, but I'd argue they're in a mutually manipulative relationship. Cal and Cere's differing lifestyles offer Bode two alternative options. The moment he learned of the Hidden Path he had a third option. He could've taken Kata and found refuge with Cere on Jedha. That's not a choice he made, because he's also desperate for revenge against whichever Inquisitor murdered his wife.

ANYWAY, the point I'm also winding my way towards is if I was going to compare Bode to another character in another game, it would be [REDACTED] from Bioshock. I don't care if that game came out in 2007, I just cannot spoil it! But if you know, you know. Bode is less blatantly evil than [REDACTED] but the twist is pretty similar in that EVERY TIME I WISH IT WASN'T HAPPENING.

I do understand why Bode got a pyre (to repeat: Kata was right there, Cal is empathetic, kind and selfless, and he's also mourning the loss of a friend even if that friend never truly existed). I MEAN IF VADER CAN GET ONE, RIGHT?!?!?! In all seriousness, by the end of the game Cal is trying to reconnect with his Jedi heritage, and I think that means showing respect for the Jedi Bode had once been.

THIS GAME IS SO GOOD AND HURTS MY SOUL SO MUUUUUUUUUUUUCH!

Thanks for the Ask!

[hitechlatte]

if you're still making the visual novel thing, do you have any advice on starting one? I really want to make one, but don't know how

Sorry for the delay in my response on this! Wanted to take some time to collect my thoughts and it took longer than expected!

So yep still working on on my game, but I have some bugs that I haven't been able to fix, so no updates yet. Hopefully I'll get some free time to work on those soon! And for the advice, I'm happy to share! Click read more to see my thoughts:

Tip 1 - Paper Prototype/Design

So especially if you've never made a game before, I'd recommend sketching out your game before making anything. This could be with actual paper or just in like a google doc or slideshow. This way you can detail out how you want the game to flow, so you don't spend a billion hours trying to make something just to find out it looks bad or won't work. (TOTES didn't learn this the hard way) For a visual novel specifically, I would recommend maybe just writing out the story in a google doc, like write out the story with possible "stage notes" referencing what may happen on screen so you can more easily determine what art assets you would need! Here is an example of the sketches I made before I started working on my coffee shop demo:

Tip 2 - Start SMALL

Start SUPER small, especially if its your first game. Like come up with your idea and then CUT IT IN HALF maybe even a third or by ten! Like keep cutting away until you have a super basic idea you can test out and then after getting the hang of it, then I'd recommend doing something longer.

For example, if you wanted to do a visual novel where you bump into a love interest at a library and you see them every time you study for a month, chop it down to just one day and test out a flow to see how the idea would work.

For example in the game I'm currently working on, I'm just starting with a single customer on a single day and testing out all the features with him before I start moving to random NPCS or multiple days.

Tip 3 - Plot out your branches in a visual way

If your visual novel has branching options, make sure you have some way to check the flow of the story so you don't run into dead ends without an ending and to make sure you can check for plot holes.

For example if one branch the player decides to be mean, it wouldn't make sense for the character they are talking to to suddenly go down a branch where they say something super nice.

If the program you're using to make the visual novel in has a flow to view that's the best way to do it, but if not, then I'd recommend drafting it out in something like Miro (which is free btw, just requires an email sign up), or some other program where you can draft out flows. I mean if it's super simple branching even google images could work.

Tip 4 - The program doesn't really matter

Especially starting out, it doesn't really matter which game engine you use. The only thing that really matters is finding something you can learn quick so you can start getting your hands dirty.

If you don't have any engines in mind and would like some recommendations for free software, I feel any of the following would work:

Godot

Good for beginners, especially w/o programming experience from what I've heard

Heard it has some limitations if you want to do anything more complex

I haven't used godot yet, but I've heard nothing but great things! (I'm hoping to try it out soon, so I'll let you know once I get around to it!)

Unity

Require you to code, but it's usually pretty simple to get started as far as code goes.

The tutorials people have online are pretty awesome, and usually pretty good to follow along, and if you want to branch into more complex stuff, you'll have already learned the Unity basics.

I started learning game dev in Unity and have been using it for years so I always recommend it, but that's just what I've gotten used to.

Ren.Py

I don't know a ton about this program, but its what the Grunkle Stan Dating Sim was made in, and that game was super awesome.

And also this is made for visual novels so it should have a lot of useful tools and features.

Yarn Spinner

So this isn't an engine, but it's something you can add to Unity or Godot to help you with adding in the dialogue.

I haven't had a chance to use this, but I've been meaning to mess around with it. I've heard nothing, but fantastic things.

Tip 5 - 80/20 Rule

I always use the 80/20 rule when making games, to help prevent stress and burnout. 80% percent of the stuff I add to my games, I know how to do, while 20% is the new stuff to learn.

Now since this is your first game, you might be like Yo! I don't know 80 percent!

But to that I say HUMBUG! You know more than you'd guess! If you've ever written stories before, then bam, the story writing is part of your 80%. Just make sure to stick to a simple story that you know you'd be able to write!

Do you doodle? Bam some of your 80% is art! Stick to making art assets, only as complex as you've drawn before!

Obviously this is more a guideline, so the TLDR just make sure to focus on learning one or two main things and then keep everything else easy, so you don't burn out!

Tip 6 - Free Shit is AWESOME

Don't know art or can't make music? Use assets from online! There are tons of free assets people post stuff online that you can use.

This way you can focus on this harder stuff and get some of the easy stuff out of the way.

Some free resources I use are as follows:

Game Assets: https://itch.io/game-assets/free

Audio Files: https://freesound.org/

Music: https://www.bensound.com/royalty-free-music/2

If using Unity, they also have an asset store. Also I think steam and humble bundle have free stuff you might be able to use too.

There tons more sites out there too, these are just the one's I've used in the past.

I will mention too, I'd recommend not paying for anything in the beginning. Because you may buy all these programs and then never use any of them again, and there is tons of awesome free stuff to use while starting out. That way you can figure out what areas of game dev you like more and buy programs as needed.

Tip 6 - Chaos is inevitable

Everything will eventually blow up in your face.

You'll spend two hours screaming at the same bug to just realize you forgot to hit save.

You'll delete files by mistake and lose hours of work.

You'll spend two weeks plotting out a story idea to realize it doesn't make any sense.

You'll spend a month working on a game idea to realize you hate the concept and it's not as fun as you thought.

You'll show your game to someone else and they won't get it because you didn't make the controls easy enough to use or understand.

You'll KEEP finding spelling errors in your dialogue after vigorously spell checking everything.

You'll get frustrated and want to swear off making games/visual novels and just abandon project after project.

BUT

THAT'S

OKAY

Art isn't easy in any form and game dev is just art with math so it's the perfect storm.

So don't be too hard on yourself when you inevitably fail.

And know too, all your failures will make you smarter and you'll get better so when things click, you'll make something you're super proud of.

I have a graveyard of games that will NEVER see the light of day. Games I fell in love with that I'll never finish.

And that's okay.

Just like with exes, no matter how bad or messy things get, we can be grateful (most of the time), because we learned something about ourselves and we can grow from it.

So TLDR, don't be too hard on yourself and enjoy the journey! Make games that make you happy and just take developing at whatever pace works for you.

Thank you for coming to my ted talk and I wish you the best with whatever you make!

(Also if you need someone to play test I'd love to check stuff out <3)

[rebeccadumaurier]

ok i guess i'll elaborate and then go to bed. (tagging @liesmyth if you wanted to read my thoughts since we had previously discussed this book! my opinions overall are mostly positive but this is mostly criticism anyway oops.) spoilers for both the likeness and donna tartt's the secret history:

a lot of it was a little predictable to me mostly because i think about the secret history literally every single week and there's a lot of similarities to that book. (daniel is henry, justin is francis, charles is rafe, camilla is abby, and i'd say cassie/lexie is simultaneously richard AND bunny. i called pretty early on that daniel would take the blame and kill himself in one fell swoop, because that is exactly what henry winter did.) thats not a complaint though! just an interesting observation since i like drawing links between books i've read

i was pretty sure most of the book that either (1) the whitethorn gang had murdered lexie and helped each other cover it up, because there was no way they could've done it alone with the others knowing (also again because i was comparing it to the secret history, and also the collaborative nature of the murder in murder on the orient express), or (2) it was someone from one of lexie's past lives. while i would have preferred it to be #2, because i'm a sucker for antiheroines (of a sort) with mysterious dark pasts, it was pretty clear the more i read that wouldn't be the case, because (1) there weren't any leads on her past turning up and (2) as evidenced from in the woods, tana french likes to write red herrings involving characters' pasts that don't lead to anything. HOWEVER ultimately i still do love insane unhinged codependency and i love that she chose that angle <3

elaborating very briefly on #2 of my OP i didn't like how rosalind was written off as "she did bad things because she is a sociopath" in in the woods, and i don't like rafe's little "daniel did this all because he's incapable of making any other friends." he's definitely right that daniel has major control freak codependent issues but it's a very unforgiving take on daniel's character (obviously rafe has ample reason to be biased and he's not entirely wrong, it's just a very "daniel is immutable and also a very broken person" tone the narrative has overall). the same goes for lexie, actually—i think the narrative has a lot more empathy for her multifacetedness and complexity than ITW did for any of its characters, but i wish it'd dug a little deeper into how she'd ended up with her ruthless cruel runaway tendencies, instead of just writing them off as "that's just her nature to hurt people." They're Just Like That is just...not enough for me, i know the protagonist is a cop and this is how cops think and this is part of why i don't like cops and maybe im complaining about something i signed up to read lol, but i dont like the idea people are just like, inherently broken or whatever

anyway. this was a major improvement from ITW imo and i love lexie and cassie and the whole whitethorn gang's messy dysfunctional love for each other. no joke this book was such an immersive experience that at one point i took an afternoon nap and had a dream i WAS cassie at whitethorn house but i only remember a few vague images, so credit to tana french for writing such a deeply absorbing novel. i would legitimately been perfectly happy if she doubled this book in length.

just finished the likeness after an all night reading binge and it was excellent. two thoughts:

daniel march vs. henry winter: fight (my money’s on daniel)

i’m not sure i like tana french’s pattern of writing people who are simply pathologically wrong, so to speak. i don’t believe in such dichotomies and find this binary a very uninteresting way of regarding the world. so i may give this series a rest for a while, but i’ll probably come back to it at some point because goddamn her prose is so fucking good

[randomshyperson]

Palm Springs - Leigh Shaw

All Works Masterlist

Summary: In Palm Springs, Leigh meets you. The season one finale re-imagined.

Warnings: (+18), smut, cursing, dom!reader, bottom!leigh, explicit language, explicit consent, brief mentions of harassment, fluff, brief rivalry dynamics, hopeful ending.

Words: 5.378K

Notes: My love, @abimess, this is my apologies for you. I kept mistaken "Wanda" instead of "Leigh" at some points in the writing, but it all worked out in the end. I hope you all enjoy the read, this is my first time writing for this character.

//-//

You threw the signed divorce papers against the passenger seat, ignoring the thick tears that welled up in your eyes.

Raising your hand, you turned up the radio and kept driving. Your cell phone started ringing the next moment, but you ignored it. It was probably Bucky or Steve calling to find out where you were after your little outburst at the company fundraiser.

Honestly, it wasn't your fault. You were handling it all very well, but Carol decided it would be a good idea to give you the divorce papers while you were surrounded by your closest friends, and that was the trigger. But now you were driving to Palm Springs, finally taking the damn vacation your ex-wife had put you through so much hell to get, but now, the seat next to you was empty.

It took a few hours to get there, since the complex is in New York, but you didn't care, having spent most of the way trying to understand how you managed to lose a woman like Carol Danvers.

No bags, you ignored the curious look one of the hotel staff gave you as soon as you pulled into the parking lot, smiling slightly as you took off your sunglasses and asked for directions to the front desk.

You frowned slightly as you were almost run over.

"Watch where you're going!" You shouted angrily at the driver, and the woman returned you the same angry look. Great, you've barely arrived and you almost died. This weekend was promising.

Stepping back, you waited for the woman to drive, not failing to give her a wry smile as she passed you. After this, you walked to the reception desk, and the area was quite full, which was normal for a weekend.

"Reservation in the name Danvers." You said to the receptionist after the greetings. He smiled as he checked the information.

"Valentine's suite, I see." He commented cheerfully. "Shall I prepare a second key for your partner?"

"It's just going to be me, buddy." You grumble, ignoring the uneasy feeling in your stomach. The man smiles awkwardly, but doesn't apologize.

After checking in, you go up to the third floor.

The room makes you sigh with disgust, the flowers and chocolates give you a headache. It takes ten minutes to find a chambermaid and ask her to remove all the decorations.

While your room is being cleaned, you decide to buy something to wear, since you didn't bring anything to spend the weekend at the hotel.

"Good morning." You mumble the greeting as you enter the gift store, your gaze wandering around.

"How can I help you, dear?" The saleswoman asks politely, smiling at you.

"I need something to wear for the two days I'm staying. It was a last-minute trip." You tell her, and the saleswoman looks surprised, but doesn't comment.

The woman eventually showed you the summer shirt section, and you sighed softly as you looked through the options. She walked away to attend to another customer, and you left your attention to the clothes.

A moment later, you picked out a few pieces and turned to talk to the saleswoman, only to run into the woman who had almost run you over earlier looking at the book section.

"You again." You let it slip not so low, attracting the woman's attention. She frowns for a second, and then she recognizes you. But before she can say anything, the saleswoman is speaking.

"Oh, you two know each other already?" She asks excitedly. "It's amazing how we can find friends here in Palm Springs isn't it?"

"We're not friends." You both inform at the same moment, and you squeeze your eyes shut slightly. The woman straightens her posture, pressing the book lightly against her chest as you switch the shirts on your arm. The saleswoman's curious expression prompts you to speak.

"Actually, she almost killed me." You say. "It was going to be quite a headline for this hotel. I'd be careful about the people you guys host around here."

The saleswoman looks at you with confusion, while the other woman lets out a dry laugh.

"You're the one who walked across in the middle of the street!" she defends herself. "It's not my fault if you weren't taught how to cross the street in school."

"Oh, so it's the victim's fault now?" You retort and the woman looks at you incredulously. A third customer enters the store and stares curiously at the argument, but the saleswoman is quick to gesture between you, smiling wryly.

"Oh come on, I'm sure it was just a misunderstanding" The saleswoman remarks and you sustain the annoyed look the other woman is casting at you. "There's no need for an argument."

"Of course not." The woman says forcing a smile, but her posture remains aggressive. "We are both civilized adults."

You bite your tongue to avoid another provocation, looking away from the green irises in front of you.

"Of course you are." The saleswoman says smiling, and then her gaze catches the shirts hanging from your forearm and she lets out a light exclamation. "Come on, I can finalize your purchase if that's all, dear."

You turn toward the cashier next, and it is only after you have paid for the clothes and are leaving that you see the other woman again on your way back, but she does not look away from the books to you. You couldn't care less.

//-//

In your room, you can't resist the urge to look at your phone.

Bucky has called five times. And Steve even sent you an email. You sigh weakly, feeling guilty as you catch a glimpse of Tony and Natasha's message notifications.

Your friends didn't care that you started crying in the middle of the meeting you were at because your ex-wife decided to bring a sensitive topic like the end of your five-year marriage to the table, but you were hating yourself for it.

At this point, you didn't even know what you had been crying about anymore. You and Carol had always had a difficult relationship, and since you got married, you began to wonder why you had done it in the first place.

You loved her so much when you first met her, and then everything gradually broke down. The lack of compatibility, the jealousy and possessiveness, and the lack of time. Carol was a soldier in the army, and you were a Shield special agent, and your jobs took up a lot of your schedules. But you knew that this was just another empty excuse. After all, your best friend, Natasha, was also an agent, as was her wife, and they made everything work properly.

Maybe things were meant to happen that way. That didn't mean it didn't hurt.

After taking a shower, you grumble lightly as you realize that you forgot to buy a bathing suit. And well, everything special about Palm Springs was the magnificent pools.

You figured the shorts and top you had would have to fit.

The pools were considerably more crowded than the rest of the hotel, and this was probably due to the current temperature.

You decided to buy a drink before sunbathing, realizing that most of the chairs were occupied.

The bartender was a pretty girl and smiled mischievously at you when her gaze fell on your collarbone exposed by the cut of your shirt, but you just gave her a half-hearted smile. Being newly divorced wasn't exactly the best scenario for flirting.

"What can I get you?" The woman asked as she rested her hands on the counter in front of her. You bit your lip thoughtfully, running your eyes down one of the menus left on the wood.

"Honestly, I don't know anything here." You say. "But I would like something sweet."

It takes a few minutes for her to prepare a drink for you, and you thank her as you accept.

As you sip a drink that tastes like strawberries and condensed milk, you look around the surroundings.

You frown slightly as you recognize the woman from the store, watching her sit in one of the chairs that has just been emptied in front of the bar. She doesn't notice you, but you notice her exposed legs, mentally scolding yourself for doing so.

As you take another sip of your drink, your tongue getting used to the sugary sweetness, a man approaches the stranger in front of you. From this proximity, you can hear the conversation, or rather the small harassment that he was doing.

Rolling your eyes at the stranger's clearly offensive attempt to approach the other woman, you force yourself to get up and walk over to them.

Well, Nat always said that you were a person with a natural talent for theater and you wish she were here now to see the little scene you caused.

Pretending to trip over the sunshade support, you made a sudden movement and knocked your entire drink against the man's collarbone, who let out an exclamation of anger and surprise as he stood up.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry!" You asked in a falsely guilty tone, forcing an expression of shock. Before he could say anything, you were already grabbing one of the towels left on the little tables beside the chairs and throwing it harder than necessary against the man's face. "Here, honey, clean yourself up."

The man blinked in surprise, and glared angrily at you for a second before muttering "whatever" and turning to leave. When he was already a safe distance away, you turned your face to look at the seated woman.

"Sorry about your book." You speak as you notice that the spilled drink has dripped a little on the pages. "But if you ask me, the ending sucks."

"Thanks, I guess." The woman mumbles not keeping her gaze on you. "I didn't need you to help me, by the way." She adds and you roll your eyes, realizing that the chair next to her got empty after your little commotion. When you sit down, she raises her gaze to you in disbelief.

"Who said I was helping you?" You retort. "I love throwing expensive drinks at strangers."

Your joke elicits a nasal chuckle from the woman, who softens her posture.

"If you want to lose money, I suggest donating rather than wasting it." She teases back and you bite back a smile, shaking your head slightly. When she opens the book again and leans her back against the chair, clearly deciding to ignore your presence, you copy the position, but stand with your arms folded across your chest and close your eyes, enjoying the warmth of the sun against your skin.

You are tired from the trip, and eventually fall asleep. When you open your eyes again, the woman is no longer there.

//-//

Since you have napped until the afternoon, there is no chance you will sleep early. You try to distract yourself with television, but most of the programs are pay-per-view and you have probably already exceeded all the limits that a Shield salary can afford, so you decide to spend some time on the activities included in your weekend bundle.

After putting on a shirt to join the lobby, you take the elevator down and step out into the outdoor area, not surprised to find the place as busy as before. The difference is perhaps the lack of children because of the time of day.

You walk toward the bar and roll your eyes slightly when you notice the same man as before being loud and boisterous along with a small group partying near the place. But you ignore them as you sit down on the first stool you find.

"Well, if it isn't my knight in white armor." A female voice comments wryly beside you, surprising you mildly. You look at the woman with a raised eyebrow, but she is looking straight ahead.

"So you expect me to call you a princess? We don't even know each other." You retort in the same tone, and watch the woman bite back a smile, rolling her eyes slightly.

You stand in silence while you order a drink, this time smiling in the same way that the bartender smiles at you. While you wait, you can' t help but look over to the side.

"You know, I think I might need to get your name." You begin in a tone of false seriousness, not knowing why you want to pull conversation with the stranger, but doing it anyway. "Since I need to know who to sue for attempted hit-and-run."

The woman laughs lightly, and as she sets her drinking glass back down on the counter, she turns her body toward you, without getting up.

"The smart thing then wouldn't be to say my name, don't you think?" She retorts with amusement in her voice. "That way I avoid a lawsuit."

You smile in a corner, shaking your head slightly. You lean your arm on the counter, and it takes a moment for her to speak again.

"I'm Leigh."

"No last name so I can't find your ID, right?" You tease and she smiles, licking her lips for a moment. "Well, I won't tell you mine either then." You comment before telling her only your first name, and she laughs lightly. "May I at least know your profession? Or, I don't know, where you're from? I need that information to track you down."

You joke, and Leigh makes a thoughtful expression for a moment.

"I'm from everywhere actually." She says mysteriously. "Because I'm an international jewel thief."

You smile at the mixed tone of seriousness and playfulness in her speech, respecting her right not to want to tell you the truth, and acknowledging the identity she chooses to assume.

"Oh, really?" You ask joining in the joke. "And let me guess, your disguise happens to be as a fashion stylist, right? And you have a red motorcycle and deadly poison hidden in your lipstick?"

Leigh holds back her laughter, nodding.

"I can't confirm any of that information, actually." She says. "After all, a little incident happened and I wasn't able to finish the story."

You laugh at the teasing, taking a sip of your drink. Before the moment of silence lasts any longer, you ask if you can approach. When Leigh consents, you take the seat next to her.

"And what do you do?" she asks as soon as you sit down. You clear your throat lightly.

"I'm a secret agent, actually." You tell her and from the woman's expression, she still believes you are joking. You do not correct yourself however. "Lasers and villains, the whole story."

Leigh smiles, murmuring in understanding.

"And what is a secret agent doing in Palm Springs?" She asks next and you assume a dramatically thoughtful expression.

"I got a hint actually." You reply. "A jewel thief, fugitive from the government. I'm trying to gather information to effect her arrest."

Leigh fakes an expression of horror making you laugh.

"If I see anything suspicious, I'll give you a heads up." She jokes and you smile, enjoying the whole thing. Before you can add anything else, the small group next to the bar let out loud laughter and they attract your and Leigh's attention.

You frown slightly when you witness the guy from earlier whistling at one of the hotel staff, the people with him finding his little scene of harassment funny.

"I guess a drink in the face isn't enough for some idiots." You comment and Leigh sighs mildly. She looks at you at the same moment you look at her.

"Maybe more drinks will be enough."

That's how you end up doing a little mischief that involves distracting the stranger with comments about his muscles while Leigh approaches and manages to get the man's card. When you walk away, after she hands the bartender the hotel ID after ordering a round for everyone at the bar on the stranger's behalf, you were laughing.

"I'm beginning to believe your thief story." You amused comment as soon as you and Leigh reach the trail out of the bar area. She just smiles at your words. You clear your throat next. "I guess I need to show off my secret agent skills then."

Leigh looks at you curiously, but you just smile as you nod in the direction of the gardens.

You walk for a few minutes in silence, and you remember everything you have observed since you arrived at the hotel, and are able to find the small opening in the fence that you saw some staff members pass through in the afternoon.

"Please, milady." You joke as you make room for Leigh to cross the path first, and she rolls her eyes with amusement before doing so.

You end up in some kind of unfinished private garden, but one that is still very pretty.

Perhaps it is an area under construction for some kind of party, as it has a stage set up in the center and some folded chairs scattered about.

Your attention falls immediately to the piano that has also been set up high on the dark stage.

"How did you find this place?" Leigh asks as she looks around, and you walk past her to get on the stage, eliciting a giggle.

"Field study, of course." You reply with false seriousness. " A secret agent never goes anywhere without studying the whole place first."

Leigh murmurs in agreement, deciding to follow you to the stage. You take a seat on the piano bench while she remains standing in front of the organ.

"Do you have any requests?" You ask looking down at your fingers as she studies your face.

"Old Mac Donald had a Farm." She replies and you choke on a laugh.

"And I thought your taste in music was as good as your fashion sense." You tease causing her to raise an eyebrow.

"Is that your way of complimenting what I'm wearing?" She retorts but you just bite back a smile, moving your fingers across the keys.

You decide to play a melody that she may not recognize, but is exactly what you feel you should play.

When the first notes of " Spring - Ludovico Einaudi" echo in the room, Leigh looks at you in surprise, but you just smile.

It takes a moment for her to surround the piano, and to sit down next to you. You continue to play, enjoying the sound and concentrating not to misplay the notes.

When you make a particularly fast movement on the piano, Leigh looks at you impressed, but you just push your shoulder lightly against hers, smiling. Neither of you regains the distance from before, and you continue to play.

When you finish, you are silent for a moment.

"Where did you learn to do that?" She asks in her low, impressed tone as you both look down at your hands on the keys. You sigh slightly, moving your fingers away and placing your hands in your lap.

"I used to play when I was a kid." You reply. "Before I was a secret agent, of course."

Leigh smiles, biting her lips lightly. You look away from the movement, to her hands quickly.

"Let me show you." You whisper as you reach out your hand to hers. When she accepts, you position her fingers on the keys, and then fit your hand on top of hers. "You start like this."

The sound is far from perfect, and Leigh laughs every time she misses a note, so you don't really care.

You stay like this for a few minutes, until you can get her to complete five notes without making a mistake.

"See? You' re almost a pianist already." You comment with a smile, looking at her face. She mimics your movement, and you feel your heart skip a beat from the closeness.

You feel the tension build in the room, but before you can think of doing anything, a male voice is breaking the spell.

"Sorry, but this area is for employees only." Informs the young man from the hotel, seeming slightly embarrassed to interrupt. You and Leigh quickly walk away, standing up and muttering an apology in unison to the guy, who waits until you leave by the trail he guides.

When you reach the entrance to the social area again, the employee closes the gate, waving slightly. You and Leigh exchange amused smiles.

"So... what do you want to do now?" You ask the next moment, wanting to prolong the evening.

"I want to swim." She declares and you frown slightly, then shrug. You nod in the direction of the pools and you exchange a glance before starting to walk.

//-//

At the edge of the pool, you sigh slightly.

You exchange a look with Leigh, standing next to you, and then you laugh softly as you both begin to undress.

You can't resist the urge to look at her, especially since she jumps in first and you catch a glimpse of her body covered only by a bikini. Ignoring your uncompensated heartbeat, you jump into the water next.

It's a good thing the water was cold, because you are feeling your face and body heat up at the way Leigh looks at you.

Trying to lighten the mood, you swim around her, casually meeting her gaze again as she mimics the movement.

You laugh lightly when you realize that you are swimming in circles around each other, and decide to stop. Leigh swims in front of you a moment later.

"Hello, superspy." She greets you almost in a whisper waving her arms to continue on the surface in front of you.

"Hello, international thief." You speak back in the same tone, your gazes locked on each other.

You wonder if she would like you to break the distance, as her gaze has lowered to your lips for a few seconds. But before you can surrender to this urge, she takes a step back.

"I'm cold."

And then she swims away, and you wonder if you have taken the whole thing the wrong way.

Following her a little way back, you look for towels.

//-//

"Which floor are you on?" You ask as you reach the elevators, each with a towel around your body. You watch Leigh tighten her arms against herself slightly.

"Second." She replies half-heartedly, and you nod.

"Let's go together then."

She gets into the elevator first, and after she presses the button, you stand next to her, your back against the wall.

The tension is back the moment the doors close, but after the pool, you find it best not to take any action, not wishing to make Leigh uncomfortable.

You reach her floor a moment later, and when she doesn't leave, you hold your breath.

You risk a corner-of-your-eye glance at her, but she continues to stare straight ahead, sighing slightly.

Trying not to look like a complete mess, you wait for your floor to arrive.

//-//

The way down the hallway is silent, and despite your nervousness, you don't fumble to open your room.

Leigh enters first, and strides into the room as you close the door.

She stops in the center, her gaze scanning around for a moment before returning to you. You hold your breath, and then she lets the set of clothes in her hands fall to the floor.

You bite back a smile, mimicking the movement. Taking a deep breath, you do the same with your towel, and ignore the heat in your cheeks as Leigh's gaze descends to your body covered only by your underwear.

She removes the towel at your waist next, and you stare at her exposed legs for a moment before moving slowly toward her.

You smile shyly as you stop in front of her, and it takes a second for you to slowly lift your fingers to touch her, tracing the outline of her arm and watching her skin shiver.

"Everything okay?" You ask softly raising your gaze from where your fingers were touching to her eyes. Leigh sighs, shaking her head in agreement. You give her a short smile, placing your hand on her cheek, and watching her lean into the touch slightly. "Use your words." You ask in a whisper, your other hand repeating the motion of your fingers from before, even more slowly.

"Y-yes." She confirms half breathlessly. "And you?"

"Yes." You say, your hand reaching for the strap of her bikini. "I'm going to kiss you now, Leigh."

She nods in understanding, sighing heavily. You didn't correctly calculate how attracted you were to her, because the moment your lips touched, you felt your head spin and it was hard not to push her against the bed immediately.

You both sigh against the kiss, and you slide your tongue into her mouth next, your hand on her face running down to her neck, deepening the kiss even more.

Leigh seems hesitant to touch you for the first second, but then she gasps against your tongue, and brings her hands to your shoulders, bringing one of them up to the back of your neck and scratching the skin, making you sigh.

With the hand that was on the bikini strap, you use your fingers to pull the strap down, and with the other hand you repeat the movement on the other side. When the bikini falls to the floor, your hands go down to her waist, and you pull her toward you.

Leigh gasps at the contact of your breasts bumping together, breaking the kiss with a wet sigh, and you take the opportunity to move your mouth down her collarbone, enjoying the sounds you manage to get out of her whenever you bite her sensitive skin softly.

You lean against her to lower your kisses to her breasts, and when your mouth finds the hardened nipple, she arches her back, closing her eyes as her fingers force your head forward against her breast.

"Oh." She moans as she feels you suck on her nipple, your other hand moving up to give her other breast due attention, your fingers playing with the tip. " Oh, fuck, that feels good."

You smile against her skin, feeling your core tighten with the sounds you are tearing out of her.

When your hand on her waist moves down to her ass, squeezing the flesh and pressing Leigh's hips against yours as your mouth continues on her breast, she moans loudly as she throws her head back, shuddering against you.

It's enough to make you lose control. You need to know how she tastes.

Gasping, you move your kisses down again, and Leigh holds her breath as you get down on your knees.

You kiss her thighs first, while your hands pull down the fabric of her panties.

When the fabric falls away completely, you swallow dry, your gaze glazed on the exposed intimacy of the woman in front of you, your mouth salivating to taste her.

"I-I'm gonna fall." She comments shyly, and you notice how her knees are already shaky. You take a deep breath, forcing yourself to stand up.

You take Leigh by the hand to your bed, and she stands there, making you smile. You move forward against her mouth again, and she sighs, almost losing her balance from the intensity.

"Lie down." You ask between one kiss and another, making her moan softly. "Spread your legs for me."

Leigh gasps against your lips as you slip your fingers through her folds for a moment, before pulling away until she obeys. You bite your lips as you watch her lie down.

Before you join her, you remove the rest of your clothes. Leigh's cheeks redden, but you give her no time to register this, climbing onto the bed with your knee between her legs and kissing her again.

As she begins to squirm beneath you for more friction, you move your kisses down her body.

She closes her eyes when your mouth is at the level of her belly, breathing hard.

When your tongue touches her pussy, you both moan loudly. You are amazed at how wet and hot she feels, the taste filling all your senses. And Leigh bites her lips to stop herself from moaning out in pleasure when your tongue begins to move against her clit, sucking and licking her devotedly and making her whimper.

"F-fuck." She moans breathlessly, her hips thrusting into your mouth. "Yeah...right there... don't stop..."

You lift your hands to her thighs, holding her open. Your own intimacy pulsing from the way Leigh is surrendered to you and the sounds she gives you.

Keeping the strokes of your tongue as deep as you can and being sure to press your clitoris in return, you feel her pussy tighten and Leigh's body begins to quiver in spasms.

"I-I'm... close... fuck..." she begins to whimper disconnected words, long moans escaping her throat. It takes only two more strokes for her to come on your tongue, her moan loud enough to be heard in the next room, but neither of you care.

You drink all of her cum, enjoying the taste and feeling on edge, without even having been touched yet.

Moving up your kisses again, you deposit slow kisses against Leigh's skin, waiting for her to recover from her own orgasm.

When you reach her mouth, she kisses you back with the same intensity.

You just know you're not going to sleep early tonight.

//-//

When you wake up, your bed is empty. You are surprised by this, really.

The night was very good. Much better than any one-night stand you have ever had.

After getting dressed by finding your articles of clothing, you walk to the front desk.

It takes a few minutes to find Leigh, and you frown when you realize from the bag in her hands, the documents, and the car key that she is leaving.

"Wow, you weren't even going to leave a note." You tease as you catch up with her. She is startled by your sudden presence, but forces a smile.

"Look, I'm sorry..." she starts but you shake your head.

"No need." You interrupt by putting your hands in your pockets and shrugging. "It was just one night after all."

"Yes." She reaffirms what you say, staring at you. You hold her gaze, and a long minute later she sighs. "No, it wasn't."

You swallow dryly, watching her. She seems conflicted about something, her expression going from worried to guilty in a few seconds, and then she takes a deep breath and shakes her head before looking at you again.

"I can't." She says, and you sigh lightly. "I just... can't."

"It's okay." You decide to say, ignoring the way your stomach is flipping with nervousness or your heart is racing. "We are civilized adults, aren't we?"

Leigh smiles, and you watch her eyes water for a moment before she quickly hides her emotion. You feel the same way.

" This is a goodbye." Leigh says next, and you look away to the floor, nodding in understanding.

"Goodbye, Leigh. It was nice meeting you." You say as you look at her again, forcing a smile even though your eyes are watering.

She smiles, approaching to kiss your cheek close enough to your lips to make you shiver. She doesn't pull away immediately, raising her mouth to the height of your ear, she whispers "I left a note." and before you can understand what has been said to you, she is gone.

It is only at the end of the day, many hours after she has left, and you are already inside your car that you rummage in your pants pocket looking for the car key that you find the note.

It is a piece torn from the page of the book "Unmoored in milan", the paper stained with drink. In the corner, in cursive letters it is written. "to my favorite secret agent. Leigh Shaw, Los Angeles."

You smiled at the words, and as you were driving back to New York, you wondered how long it would take Natasha to find out Leigh's phone number.

//-//

Tag list> @imapotatao / @aimezvousbrahms/ @ensorcellme/ @helloalycia

@mionemymind / @abimess / @stephanieromanoff / @yourtaletotell / @tomy5girls / @justagaypanicking / @thegayw1tch / @idek-5 // @myperfectlovepoem // @HELLOALYCIA // @ENSORCELLME // @AIMEZVOUSBRAHMS // @drpepperobsessed // @sighsam // @olsensnpm

// @sxfwap // @table57

[gimme-tea-bitch]

Adora and the unraveling of a Martyr.

Alright, look, I know, I KNOW that I literally just wrote a meta post yesterday, but I'm writing another one, so like, deal with it.

Talking with another friend and having the realization that of all the characters in the show, no one fights for Adora, no one but Catra.

Now I get that this sounds a bit harsh, but let me explain.

Throughout the show we see Adora fighting for everyone, her goals genuinely kind. And it's what makes her such a good hero. Adora has always been the "golden girl" and with that comes the assumption that she doesn't need to be fought for.

Now, I hear some of you saying "well, what about the best friend squad and the princesses." And that's a fair point. Let's look at them.

We see that throughout the show the rebellion is fighting for the people and for good, and while these ideals theoretically include Adora, she is not the focus of this.

We can see this more apparent with how she is treated by the rebels. Namely, how they treat her and She-ra as interchangeable. This casual combining of Adora the person and She-ra the near goddess, feeds into Adora's Marty complex. It attributes saving the world to Adora, the person.

And we see how this extends to how she is treated even when she does crack. Both when Weaver stalks her at Mystacor, and when Adora is planning the raid on the outpost that she suspects Catra is at. These are both moment of vulnerability for Adora, and yet, no one notices the underlying cracks in her proverbial armor. She is significantly disoriented, desperate, and honestly kind of manic, and it gets overlooked as being part of a larger problem.

Glimmer and Bow, they are good friends, and they offer support and help. But they don't understand and don't fight for Adora. And to be fair, we can't blame them, how could they know how bad Adora's mental health is when Adora herself doesn't realize it either?

Now, before we move on to Catra and how she unravels this, I would like to throw in a couple of special mentions.

Mara and Angela. Now, these two are possibly the only characters who you could say do fight for Adora in some way. Mara, she sacrifices herself to try to save people, but also to prevent the next She-ra from having to suffer from her mistakes. She does not do this directly for Adora, but in a way she does. The other note for Mara is before the heart. It's unclear whether this is truly Mara or Adora's hallucination, but if it is Mara, this is her yet again actively acting to help Adora, and I'd argue this is much more significant because her only concern is Adora's happiness.

Now, onto the more clear choice, Angela. We see Angela, even early on, realize that Adora is still just a young girl struggling. She may be She-ra, but she is a person who is anxious and scared, but wants to help. And I think Angela's distancing herself is the thing that really hinders her here. Because she does fall into a similar trap of ignoring the signs of Adora's terrible mental health and lack of self preservation.

It isn't until the portal that Angela realizes her mistake, and chooses to rectify it, chooses to fight for Adora when no one else has. In the portal we see Angela acknowledging Adora's willingness to die. She sees this young girl, begging Angela to let her essentially take her own life, and I think this really puts it together in her mind. That Adora is deeply troubled, that no one has looked at her and told her she is allowed to choose herself. So Angella chooses Adora, and she sacrifices herself because Adoea shouldn't have to.

Now, season 5 is where things change a bit. Because we see people noticing. Adora is throwing herself in harm's way and is exhausting herself, and this, finally, tips the rebels off. We see Mermista and Frosta call out Adora's recklessness, and though they're not looking deeper, they do notice. And this is also where we see Bow start piecing together the truth. Because Bow realizes that this isn't just a quirky thing Adora does. This is Adora.

Now, Catra. Catra is the only person who genuinely fights FOR Adora. As in, her motivation is Adora herself. At the beginning of the show, this is a more selfish reason, as she is fighting to keep Adora, to make her stay. And though this is unhealthy, it holds the seed for her saving Adora in the end.

By season 5, Catra's evil persona has crumbled. And we see her reliving her childhood and hallucinating moments from her childhood. Happiness with Adora. With a combination of relating to Glimmer, and Horde Prime threatening Adora's life. Catra makes her choice. She chooses to fight for Adora again. But this time, not to keep Adora, but to let Adora live.

This is huge for Catra, and also for Adora. Because Catra tries to sacrifice herself for the martyr. Catra does for Adora. What Adora was manipulated into doing for everyone else. And this trend continues. Because after she saves Glimmer, we see another moment where Bow realizes how messed up Adora really is, and so does Glimmer. The episode with the star siblings, we see Adora once again at risk of losing people, and though she's just Adora, she stands in the crumbling tunnel and uses herself to try and prop it up.

Thankfully her inner she-ra saves her, but Adora was willing to die there, and Glimmer and Bow saw that. And we see how this bothers them both. They were actively trying to get her to save herself.

I think this is part of why Glimmer supported going back for Catra, both because Catra showed that there is good in her, and because she understands that Adora is ashamed of wanting.

Now, Catra, Catra isn't done, because in their youth, Catra was the only one around who really called out how terrible Weaver was. And though Adora was too gullible at the time to realize it, that stuck. And when Catra again, calls out Weaver for manipulating Adora at the failsafe, and again when she runs. We see Catra's true motive. It's Adora. Because all she ever wanted was Adora. And for the longest time Catra mistakenly thought that Adora wanted something else, that Adora didn't want her. She realized that Adora doesn't want. She doesn't let herself want. Because all her life she wasn't allowed to want. She wasn't allowed to live for herself. And nothing hurts more than that realization for her. So Catra fights. She steps up to Weaver, for Adora. At the failsafe, she even calls out the rest of the rebels, for allowing this, for not stopping Adora's self sacrificing. She gets angry on Adora's behalf that even her friends didn't notice or seem to care that Adora is so willing to die. They let her do it.

And she fights Adora too. Because Adora accepts this as her destiny. Catra, when she runs, calls out Adora too. Because no one fights for Adora, not even Adora herself. No one but Catra. Catra who stands up to Weaver, for Adora. Catra who calls out the rebels, for Adora. Catra who fights Adora on her martyr logic, for Adora. Catra who comes back and fights a monster she can't beat, for Adora. Catra whi refuses to let Adora die alone, because she refuses to let Adora feel like she's not worth anything. Adora may fight for the universe, but Catra fights for her. And honestly that makes me fucking cry.

[k-odyssey]

Thoughts on tvn's Happiness (ep 9 & 10)

There's something very biblical about pouring your (pure) blood so that the sinners infected will show themselves? Or did the christian symbols get to me? It's a shame the sacrificial lamb got scratched and everything is a mess.

10 episodes and I still get surprised and scared when people turn. It's hard to consistently keep creating tension but they do it. It's also hard to make a show that requires tension that I won't find unwatchable, but they're also doing it.

Often the soundtrack really helps building up that tension, but here while he was walking around the room with his bloody hand extended, the silence was very effective. You could taste anticipation in the air.

I've said it already, but I love the foreshadowing in Happiness. There's some solid writing in there, and not just spur-of-the-moment plot twists. Like, did I find it very strange that the pastor was repelling zombies at the time? Yup. Did I consider the fact that he might be infected? Yes, briefly. Did I put that aside and kinda forget it because the writer redirected my attention elsewhere? 100%.

The fact that this one moment made the cop friend find god but had a scientific explanation??? I love that so much. I'd love more of that on tv pls.

There were also hints about the supermarket girl and I had not at all made the connection.

I looked up the writer and for once, it's a man. He did write WATCHER which I started and did not finish, because it had a definite lack of women and no romance. I don't know what he's been doing since 2019—well I kinda do, he's been living through a pandemic like the rest of us—but I like the direction in which he's taking his work.

The science feels a little shaky, but it's vague and in the background enough that I don't care too much. They don't do the thing where they keep shoving their "high tech" equipment in your face while speaking nonsense about DNA or whatever.

To get back to the important stuff: I wish Yi Hyun would tell the truth!!! He was bound to get infected, what with always jumping in to save the day. But even if it makes sense, I hate it. I also hate it because, and I hadn't noticed it at first but only after I finished episode 10 and thought about it, he's been more distant from Sae Bom since he got scratched. And I thrive on their intimacy so this hurts.

They're a team, and he promised he would say if it happened!! I know that it's his well-documented protective instincts acting out and he's doing this out of love but ARGH! You can't just sacrifice yourself without discussing it. Well, if you discuss it, it's true that you won't be able to sacrifice yourself cause she won't let you.

It's killing me that she noticed all the signs, but he knows her well enough to fool her.

I said last week that Han Tae Seok and Yi Hyun are similar and it's confirmed this week. HTS knew immediately that Hyun was infected, cause he probably would've done the exact same thing if it were him. I still think Hyun wouldn't go as far as manipulating others the way HTS does though.

I haven't said anything about Sae Bom yet, but it's not because I don't love her. She keeps being an awesome character, and I do particularly enjoy watching her when she's angry. If they didn't show her tender side, I'd feel differently I think. But she's both warm AND scary. She's magnetic, I see why Hyun made her his god.

Not sure what to say about the residents. I'm not feeling as indulgent as Hyun, thinking about them. It's amazing how quickly the apartment complex has become a lawless place. Also the ratio of murderers is way too high, even though the ratio of police officers in presence is also very high. We have a serial killer in the building??? What are the chances???

The actor playing creepy/evil upstairs neighbour is doing such a good job, my god I hate his guts. Shout out to the guy playing the lawyer as well, would you believe I keep yelling at his wife through the screen to strangle leave him?

Actually, they're all doing a good job. I also have unmentionable thoughts about the representative lady, although she looked genuinely devastated by her husband's death and for a moment there, I believed she was human. Maybe they're all too human.

The ending this week though?? You're gonna stand outside while someone is being killed so you can take their assets?? While a child is in there with a murderer?? This is reminiscent of the worst kinds of wartime stories.

PS: I think it's genius to have a countdown followed by a counter (?). Really drives the point home that there's nothing to look forward to now, we're just marking the passing of time and hoping there's an end to this.

[ihopesocomic]

(TW: SUIC*DE) What advice do you have for someone writing about suicide in their fictional works? I've heard that a lot of times, it's done poorly, but how do we write it in a way that's not problematic?

tw suicide and suicide mention

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For starters, don't write in suicide just to be edgy or cool. You also need to set up a sort of place for your audience to place their emotions when your character tackles this issue. So, if you don't develop your story or your character properly and why exactly they got to this point, your audience is going to struggle to invest in much of anything, let alone something as big and complex as a suicide or suicide attempt.

If I'm to bring up a bad example: Jodie's optional suicide attempt(s) in Beyond Two Souls.

OK, first of all: the fact that the method and such is optional. That's pretty yikes and just fetishises the topic for me. Suicide is not a "pick your poison" sort of topic, David Cage.

Secondly: the story of Beyond Two Souls is so convoluted and confusing that it's really hard to develop emotions or an attachment to Jodie as a character.

Best Friends Play summed it up best when they said 'I'd love to feel something BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCKING STORY IS!'. We don't know why she's running, we don't know why she wants to kill herself. So why was it put in there? Because David Cage thought it would be cool.

And it comes up several times, I believe. idk I stopped playing the game around this point because I was done waiting for David Cage to stop treating me like a child and reveal the damn plot to me already.

Either way, it's an example of how the topic just falls flat because the writer of the game was too high off his own farts to not treat his audience like they're unintelligent (while also putting heavy topics such as suicide attempts into his game) and give them opportunities to feel some emotion.

So, yeah, treat it with the sensitivity it deserves and actually refer to reasons why this happens (i.e. mental health reasons, financial issues, physical illness) if you want people - particularly those who are affected - to take you seriously. Not giving the audience anything to relate to by shrouding your plot in complete and total mystery is super pretentious anyway.

Treat your audience with respect: they deserve it. That goes for any topic you wish to cover.

Also, look into actual signs of suicide, such as change in routine and behaviour, giving things away without explanation and isolation. These symptoms vary from person to person so be sure to look into more than one source. - RJ