#I'VE HAD IT WITH YOU POSERS

[fuckmeyer]

Eleazar says Bella's "purely mental" shield is "easy to classify." except several pages before being labeled a shield, Raviolomew is using her psychic gift on Bella to project a thought. 3 pages after being labeled a shield, Bella is blocking Kate's electric eel skin. did a sINGLE EDITOR WORK ON BREAKING DAWN????

[because-its-eurovision]

I fully get the anxiety of feeling like you don’t deserve to go to a show. It comes with the whole competetive fandom stuff.

Honestly, as someone who has performed on a lot of stages with varying kinds of crowds, the most important thing isn’t if you’re the biggest fan or if you know the lyrics or some choreography or bring gifts. The thing that is the most valuable is that you go to the show to have a good time. That’s all the artists are generally looking for. That people enjoy their music, enjoy the show, are excited to be there.

Some people may be disappointed that they don’t get a ticket, sure. But it’s not you taking that ticket away from them. Not everyone can have everything. Sometime people don’t get concert tickets. That is not your fault for buying. It is a thing that happens when everyone has the right to buy concert tickets instead of them being raffeled off or gifted. If the show was just for the biggest fans, tickets would be give out as competition prices, not to the person who buys them.

And there is no right way to enjoy the show. Some superfans never learn lyrics because they don’t particularly care. Some people buy tickets to go see random artists just for the experience. Some people just love to give gifts and find that to be the best way of interacting. Your way of doing it is just as valid as all that. You don’t have to earn any right to be there, that is what the tickets are for.

And honestly, you’d be surprised by the number of people who have never even heard of an artist or band who just show up for the show because they had a day off and it could be fun. It’s not about deserving to be there. It’s about wanting to go and getting the chance to actually do that.

I don’t know if this little pep talk eases your mind at all, but I hope it does. Learning to let go of the competetive mindset and attitude when it comes to regular life stuff is a chore and a half. I just want you to know that I would love for you to go to the show.

Thank you for reaching out. I really appreciate it ❤

[rotisseries]

the fun thing about byler cannibalism is that I am actually not really a byler cannibalism truther in that there's just nothing about byler specifically that makes me go "oh my god I need them to eat each other" but I do support cannibalism from a general standpoint so when my mutuals make cannibyler posts well I'm in support

[david-watts]

I feel kinda bad about those comments I made on that one post because I was being a bit of a dick, and it was because I was tired and misunderstanding exactly why people get so mad about ‘tiktok punks’ (please just call them posers. that word already exists and means what you mean) but like. I do stand by the fact that I don’t care if people end up buying from ethically awful places since it’s not easy or affordable to avoid, and quite frankly I understand if someone’s a bit lazy about it. but that one person accusing me of thinking ‘slavery is punk’ genuinely made me realise those posts about reading comprehension on this site being godawful aren’t hyperbole

[cripple-punk-dad]

Bring back posers as a term please I'm begging if ONE MORE GODDAMN 16 YEAR OLD ASKS WHERE I BOUGHT MY CLOTHES I'M GONNA LOSE. MY FUCKING. MIND.

I HAVEN'T PAID FOR SHIT SINCE 2020 BITCH THESE SPIKES ARE THE BROKEN OFF TINES OF A FORK THE THREAD IS DENTAL FLOSS FROM A PAIR OF JEANS I TOOK APART TO USE THE DENIM TO MAKE PATCHES YEAH NO SHIT I SMELL LIKE SILVER SPRAY PAINT. I'VE HAD THE SAME PAIR OF COMBAT BOOTS FOR SIX FUCKIN YEARS NOW. DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY LAYERS OF PAINT AND NAIL POLISH ARE ON THEM. MY WHEELCHAIR GLOVES ARE MORE THREAD THAN LEATHER ATP BUT WHO GIVES A FUCK. THEY'RE STILL FUNCTIONAL.

"but all I can afford is clothes from SheIn and Amazon and I wanna have the punk style"

BITCH STEAL THE CLOTHES. GO TO GOODWILL. YOU KNOW WHAT WE CALL HAVING THE "STYLE" IS BUT NOT THE MINDSET???

A FUCKING POSER

And no I'm not gatekeeping. Anyone anywhere can be punk. BUT BUYING A PRE-PATCHED DENIM JACKET ON AMAZON DOES NOT A PUNK MAKE. BURN YOUR OWN CD'S, PIRATE MOVIES, GO TO PROTESTS, MAKE POSITIVE CHANGE, FORM COMMUNITY IN SOLIDARITY AGAINST OPPRESSIVE SYSTEMS. KILL THE NAZIS INFECTING PUNK COMMUNITIES LIKE A ROTTING BRANCH GETS CUT FROM THE TREE

WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING RAGE??? WHERE'S YOUR FUCKING WEIRDNESS??? WHERE'S YOUR REFUSAL TO FIT INTO THE MAIN STREAM???? WHERE'S YOUR OBSESSION WITH A SKA PUNK BAND FROM THE EARLY 2000'S?!

I saw a TikTok of a person who said they were punk but then proceeded to go on a tirade about not liking the bus because gross homeless people ride the bus

HOW DOES THE BOOT TASTE MOTHERFUCKER

[colleendoran]

How Do I Do Stuff

The question was phrased a little strangely, and I don't want to embarrass the person by posting exactly what was said, but I'll answer it and hope this clears everything up.

I do almost all of my drawing by hand. No, I don't trace in Photoshop. Not a judgment on those who do, but I come from a generation of artists who did not use Poser programs or other digital tools. We learned to draw using a technique called the Sight Size method. I know a lot of people assume everyone - including the old masters - traced everything using optical tools, but while it is true some people did, it is just as true that most didn't, and you can draw with great accuracy if you learned how to draw the old fashioned way.

Sight Size breaks everything down into its barest components of geometric shapes and you build from there. Once you learn it, you never forget, and it applies to everything you will ever draw.

I learned it using a set of Famous Artist Course books my mom had since she was a kid, and they are still the gold standard. They're often on ebay. If I were you, I'd buy them.

I actually find using figure reference really annoying because I like exaggerations and modifications from reality in my final work.

This page from Neil Gaiman's Chivalry was drawn and painted without figure reference of any kind.

I don't know why people assume I trace all the time. If you were to try to use photographs to replicate these figures, you would find they are slightly off. There is no tracing here.

This is not to say I never use reference. This page, for example, was referenced from a photo of my mother. Isn't she pretty.

But this page of Sir Galaad was drawn and painted without reference.

He's pretty, too.

If he were real, I'm sure a lot of people would be very happy about it. But he's not. And had I reference, the art would have gone a lot faster. I had a time trying to nail this face that is very alive in my head but doesn't really exist.

Back in the ancient days, all cartoonists had to learn to draw and paint extemporaneously because reference was limited and digital tools didn't exist. While some high end artists had photography studios and professional models with costume and sets on hand, small fry like me were limited to what was in the house or available at my small local library, which was no bigger than a few rooms of my current house.

Artists kept extensive "morgue files" or "swipe files" which were collected from magazine clippings and photographs so we would have as much of what we might need on hand for quick reference. These ephemera collections could get unwieldy. I have thousands of photographs I've simply never sorted. I finally dumped most of my files this past year.

Have I ever traced anything? Of course, especially if I have to re-use a shot or setting over and over. Making extra work for myself is just silly. It's my job to make pictures, not to perform magical feats, like copying one shot after another over and over without making a mistake.

However, for almost 15 years of my career, I refused to copy or trace anything, and did not even own a lightbox. On the one hand, that forced me to learn to carefully examine what I saw. On the other hand, it was a stupid hill on which many deadlines died.

Only after I realized many professional artists had lightboxes and overhead projectors did I finally break down and get one.

The one thing I use my lightbox for more than anything is for tracing my thumbnail sketches to the final drawing paper. Instead of trying to capture the liveliness of the original sketch by copying what I see - only bigger - I blow the thumbnail up to the size I want the final art to be, then I trace over the thumbnail using a lightbox onto the final drawing paper.

Here's a look at thumbnails from the graphic novel Neil Gaiman's Snow, Glass, Apples.

I enlarged these on my computer to fit onto 11"x14" paper, and traced the thumbs before finishing the art which was drawn in pen and ink and colored in Photoshop.

While I obviously made some changes, the essence of the thumbs is there in the final work. Tracing my thumbs retains some of the looseness of the original sketches, which is often lost otherwise.

So, there is a valid purpose to tracing at times, though in my opinion, too much tracing can weaken drawing ability, substitute for developing skills, and make the work kind of stiff.

If you want to, I'm not your judge. But it's weird to me that people think I must be faking my skills in some way.

Ironically, the word cartoon comes from the Italian word cartone, which is a large heavy sheet of paper - also, the origin of the word carton.

Preparatory sketches were made on this paper which was then transferred to the final work surface via either tracing or by stamping little holes in the paper through which dust was sprinkled, recreating the contours of the drawing for the artist to follow.

So the origin of the word cartoon comes from a process often used...for tracing.

[bigwishes]

I wish to be the biggest and stupidest jock I can be.

Sure thing, seems easy enough

First I think it seems only fitting to blow you up and stuff you in an uncomfortable skin tight poser. Its the only thing you fit in now after all, even if you had clothes tailor made you'll find that you grow out of them almost instantly until you are standing there in nothing but that poser.

and I wouldn't try to buy anything bigger than what I've given you because you'll find that it shrinks down until it feels like the worst muscle wedgie you've every felt along with cock crushing pressure in the front, so get used to being uncomfortable.

The saving grace here is you are enchanted by your own muscles, you cant stop feeling yourself and flexing, in fact you are so dumb you are almost 100% sure the guy in the mirror is just your boyfriend, of course all that flexing and self worship is going to give you the strongest hard on you've ever felt in your life, so hard that you wanna drop to your knees and make yourself cum on the spot.

The only issue is that tiny microscopic brain of yours, your big muscles get in the way and you are unable to touch your own dick, let alone jerk off, but you are too stupid to realise that so like a dumb ape trying to reach an apple through the bars at the zoo you spend hours trying to reach down between your own legs only to stand up stumped as to why you couldn't.

[ariaste]

so i'm reading Interview With the Vampire for the first time in twenty years and this shit is SO FUCKING FUNNY like. god.

like there you are, being louis, having your beautiful elegant grief over the death of your brother and this random vampire partially eats you on your doorstep one night and then rocks up the next night pretending to be a Really Cool Elegant Suave Guy like "bonjouuuuur do u want to be a vampire [drapes self elegantly all over the room] i could do that for you" and then you're like "wow okay [privately noticing all the hot things about him]" and then he makes you a vampire and you're like "wow he is holding me like a lover and i have some unspecified Feelings about it, he is radiant, he is so beautiful, golly" and then to everyone's disappointment but particularly yours, this allegedly cool suave elegant vampire proceeds to immediately drop the act and reveal that he is the least cool person who has genuinely ever existed, in fact he is absolutely intolerable and a Whole Ass Moron, and all you can do is stare in incredulity and mounting contempt as he blithely installs his REAL DAD in your house without asking or even communicating in advance that he HAD a dad (you are bewildered to discover that vampires have dads or at least this weirdo does for some reason???), and starts spending your money like he's the sugar baby in this situation (and to your horror you realize that he IS ACTUALLY THE SUGAR BABY IN THIS SITUATION, HOW DID HE CON YOU INTO THIS) and you're immediately like "fuck fuck fuck fuck i've made a huge mistake" and start keeping an eye out for any local vampire divorce lawyers and making a mental note of every single wrong he commits so that a couple centuries later you can bitch about them to a random reporter you just met like

oh the bitching, oh the sass. "had he any native intelligence" i'm crying. "characteristic lack of common sense" not even the common sense god gave a gnat, yeah wow ur right. "i was tempted to say 'yes you are', but I didn't" YOU SHOULD HAVE, BABE, YOU WERE JUSTIFIED god the moral high ground here is two inches high

And then there's this whole tangent about "yeah and then after a while Lestat got this fang-crush on this random neighbor boy -- you know, like when you see a random neighbor boy and you reeaaaaaally want to eat him?? anyway i told him not to eat the neighbor boy, including physically wrestling him in the rain to keep him from pouncing on the neighbor boy while the neighbor boy was having a little rapier duel with someone, but lestat was wily and slippery and uh well that was it for the neighbor boy" like god lestat is so fucking stupid (affectionate), he's LITERALLY going around louis' house like ":) wow you have nice plates. and glasses! I miss glasses. wait i know I'LL PUT A RAT IN THE GLASS [hunts around in the grass for a rat while Louis watches in bewilderment from the window] [gets a rat] [pours the rat into the glass] [elegant sip] [complains that it gets cold too fast] [inexplicably smashes the glass when he's done with it?????? for vibes i guess?????]" the exasperation. the outrage. this is not what Louis signed up for. he thought HE was going to be the sugar baby. he thought he was getting swept off his feet and Romanced and shit. where is the hot vampire who was like "oooh louis let's be together forever" and why has he been replaced with this blond moron in his house, breaking his THINGS, having a dad who he yells at???? and being very polite to guests actually

like. pals Lestat was the original cringefail emo poser boyfriend and none of us deserve to stand in his presence. Louis is so embarrassed to have ever associated with him. this book is a comedy.

tbh tho raise a glass for lestat tho who wiggled his lil self into New Orleans like "step one, find sugar daddy to keep track of my money :))))) and marry him" like yeah he's embarrassing to know but to his credit the man DOES know how to invent and execute a plan with impressive efficiency while vastly outmaneuvering anyone with allegedly more common sense, so who's the real moron in this situation, hm???

[sen-ya]

Life After Info Post

[Click here to access the Life After Digital Comic Book]

Summary: Two years ago, a viral outbreak rose the dead. Considering how his life had gone up to this point, surgeon Trafalgar Law figured this might as well happen too. When a supply run into the nearby city gets intercepted by a seemingly reckless and impulsive former patient, the dependable routine Law had settled into in this new life shatters. He finds himself exposed — his body out in the infected landscape, his conscious clawing to define what he believes is right, his heart begrudgingly deciding to find a new home on his sleeve. Maybe there’s more than a virus roaming the new world that can bring a dead man back to life.

Content Warnings: Canon typical violence, zombies/body horror (but lbr I am not good at making scary things look scary)

Relationships: Luffy x Law

Update Schedule: New page every Monday/Wednesday/Friday

Page Count: [37 posted | 55 drawn]

Latest Update: [7/21/24] WOWEE did I get myself carried away this morning. I just spent 5 hours organizing my comics and creating the digital comic book pages. I could have spent that time drawing or idk not doing what I do for my job, but I cannot be stopped. Anyway I blocked out 30 pages of this comic last week and they include the most intense action sequence I've ever done in my gotdang life. Wish me luck because I am nervous about tying down all my drawings lmao.

OLD UPDATES:

[6/29/24] HULLO! I'm doing so bad at keeping my masterposts updated lately I am sorry. All pages of life after are tagged life after if you're ever looking between masterpost updates! Also exciting update, I finally have figured out all the different plot points i'm gonna be hitting (yay!). I got hung up on something for awhile that made me not wanna work on this project, but I'm back at it. I think we'll end up with 6-7 parts! I have probably another 80-100 pages to draw lol. Also i got the app Magic Poser and it's AWESOME and I immediately used it to block out sets cuz MAN I hate backgrounds.

[6/10/24] HELLO. I'm sorry I've been shit at updating my masterposts lately. It's easiest to do from my computer, which I rarely use, and life has been happening. I also can't believe I bungled the queue and posted pg19 before pg18 i am very sorry 🤦 Eventually I'll have to turn this into an airtable base I'm sure, but until that day comes where I have like 100 pages of this comic we're stickin to the regular post lmao

[5/26/23] I got real caught up in doing summer of lawlu comics this week and this is the first week since the first week of April I haven't drawn new Life After pages and it feels weird 🙊

[5/19/24] More Luffy backstory comin' this week! :^)

[5/12/24] Updating now so get myself on schedule to update on Sundays like I had been with my other comic master post!

[5/8/24] Thank you to everyone who's liked/reblogged/comment on the first few pages!! It means the world to me that anyone's reading my silly little comics.

[4/28/24] HULLO. It’s happeninnng. I’ve spent the last few weeks working on this comic, and I gotta make this post so I can start queuing pages & link this in them! This is the most like….legit? Comic endeavor I’ve undertaken perhaps….ever. I’m very nervous about committing to how long it will need to be lol. This story is dear to my heart — zombie content is kind of my very favorite. I’ve always found it to be a great backdrop for exploring themes like grief, coping with change, community, and learning to live again. It’ll be a long haul but I hope you’ll ride it out with me!! Tomorrow I’ll be posting the first two pages. After that a page will post every Monday/Wednesday/Friday. As of this post I’ve completed over 20 pages so that I have a good lead on what’s posting and continuing to write, so I’m hopeful that’s a cadence I’ll be able to maintain. I’ll update this post weekly to include the most recent pages the way I do with my main comics master post. All pages will be tagged 'Life After' and I'll tag any pages with zombies in them with 'zombie' for blacklisting etc.

[octuscle]

Every Friday Night

What do you give someone who actually has everything? My friend Daniel is celebrating his 40th birthday next Saturday. We've been inseparable since high school. By his own admission, he's had a good life: he's a fairly successful doctor, most people appreciate his pleasant if somewhat reserved nature, and time has only given him the occasional gray hair, a slight tummy and shallow laugh lines on his gentle face.

Although he has had to make some sacrifices over the years to achieve his professional and social status, he admits that it has all been worth it. Until now, I always believed that too. What reason did I have not to? Until we had perhaps one or two too many glasses of wine yesterday. The wine loosened his tongue. And Daniel said wistfully that he regretted not having a more rebellious youth.

Shit, I've had a bit too much wine myself… I'm afraid I've been up to some shenanigans. At least I have a Chronivac app on my phone and I get text messages that my subscription is activated. And there's a countdown. Shit, I have a bad headache. And no idea what's going on.

Daniel calls me and asks me what the calendar entry is for Friday evening. It says "Gym" in the calendar. Yeah, right. Gym. Friday night. Isn't that what we always do? I'm a bit confused. Daniel too. "Yes, of course!" he says. Gym on Friday. As always. Will I pick him up? For some reason, I tell him to meet me at the bus stop. Sure, says Daniel. We haven't taken the bus since school days.

Friday evening. It feels normal to meet Daniel at the bus stop. We're both still wearing our casual business outfits from the office. And a sports bag with us. When was the last time I went to the gym? Shit, last Friday of course. We go every Friday. At least. Daniel greets me with a fist bump and offers me a cigarette. Neither of us smoke.

When the bus arrives, Daniel goes straight through to the back. He sits down in the last row with his legs apart and starts rolling a fag. I sit down next to him. Damn, he smells of sweat and tobacco. i start playing with my cell phone. since when do i have a tiktok account? A guy gives me tips on taking Trenbolone. Daniel looks at my screen, grabs my cock and says that the stuff makes me a muscle whore and shrinks my balls. i ask him why that's a problem. We laugh. The people around us roll their eyes. The bus arrives at our station. As we walk to the exit, Dan lights his cigarette. Before we're even off the bus, I take it out of his mouth and take a deep drag. Fuck the smoking ban!

I think the gym sucks, but Dan really wanted to train here. The other guys are pumping iron in our neighborhood. It's closer and you can go straight to the pub with the lads afterwards. But Dan is obsessed with the big boys. He really wants to become a freak. And shit, we're bros. I have to go with him. And to be honest, I totally dig his gym acne. I bet he's going to be a freak.

Training was like, totally lit, dude! The big boys have our backs all the way, major props. That's so dope. But Dan, he's such a poser, always flexing with pics and posts. And TikTok, non-stop! But man, he's already got a squad of followers. Now we're heading to the pub to meet up with the boys, but we're stuck on this darn bus for another freakin' half hour. The shower situation is a total bummer anyways. A quick spray of Axe under the pits, a dab of wax in the hair – good to go! Hey, Dan nailed it with the fresh cut, maybe I should chop mine off too.

Saturday morning. I feel a bit like I've been run over by a bus. In general… Buses. Shit, what have I been dreaming about buses? Tonight is Daniel's birthday party. He's celebrating at the Savoy. Cocktails at the bar, dinner at the grill… I still have to get my tuxedo from the cleaners. And I still need a present… Stop, wait… Didn't I already give him a present?

The birthday party was nice. A bit stiff. At around 02:00, we sit at the bar for one last drink. And Daniel asks me if I can remember last night. Funny, I have no idea what I did. Neither does he.

Thursday evening I receive a message via WhatsApp. Unknown number. We are supposed to pick up our stuff tomorrow at 16:00. Same place as usual. I have no idea what it's about. Daniel calls me to say that someone has told him that we still owe him 100 pounds for some stuff and that we should fucking bring it tomorrow. We both have no idea what it's about…

I get another message at midday on Friday. I ask if we can bring the appointment forward to 5pm. It's not my new iPhone. It's an old scratched device with a cracked display. I reply: "I'm sorry, but we're still at the gym until 18:00. Unfortunately, I can't make it any earlier." My fingers are moving as if remote-controlled. And now I have to go. The disco-poser biceps don't pump up by themselves.

Yo, so check it out, Dan's out here thinking he's this mega athlete, but homeboy be puffin' on them cancer sticks like there's no tomorrow, I'm talkin' 'bout 10 to 15 smokes a day? Psshh, child's play! Dan be double dosin' that, like he's tryna set the world record for most Marlboros inhaled in 24 hours or somethin'. And then, to top it off, dude's pullin' shady moves like stealin' cash from his pops just to fund his steroid stash! Man, I'm grindin' my butt off every night at the slaughterhouse just to keep up with them gym beasts, and this dude be relyin' on his daddy's wallet? Nah man, he gotta get a real job! Then, as if things couldn't get any wilder, my boy Liam starts talkin' 'bout Tren, that hardcore juice that supposedly turns you into a freakin' beast. I've heard stories, man, dudes growin' extra body parts and all! But me and Dan, we playin' it safe, stickin' to our old school supps for now. Ain't nobody tryna grow a third nipple just yet, you feel me?

I swear, Dan is like a walking perfume factory of pure musk. If he just lifts his arm, he's got every dude and babe in the gym drooling over him. Meanwhile, I'm just here, living my best life at all times. And now, the tattoo sesh with the artist is a no-go. Total bummer. I was so stoked to get my full-on sleeve inked up tomorrow evening. It's just way cooler to flex those guns in a tank at the club, you know? I love flaunting my hard-earned biceps. Gotta keep grinding, you feel me?

I slept naked tonight. And as rumpled as my bed is, I had wild dreams. I've got a movie tear again. My last memory was of strange messages I received on someone else's cell phone. When I walk into the bathroom, my heart almost stops. I have a bloody tattoo on my forearm! I raise my arm to see if there are any more. Dude! Eileen usually epilates my armpits every two weeks. Where did the bush under my arms come from? And why does it smell like I haven't showered for three weeks? I really need to take a shower. Although I have an urgent urge to go to the gym again straight away. That rarely happens. My inner bastard usually wins out at the weekend. And if I'm motivated, I should take advantage of it. I could ask Daniel if he fancies a game of squash at the club, I think to myself as I soap up. When I get out of the shower, I get a message from Daniel. He asks me if I have any idea where his tattoo came from. And whether I fancy a game of squash at the club.

I have no idea what's happening to us. On the one hand, I feel much fitter than I did a few weeks ago. On the other hand, Daniel and I have both started smoking. And we got tattoos. Obviously in a drunken stupor. At the age of 40! Who does that? I mean, Daniel seems so much more relaxed. At work, in his private life. And that pays off. He's never received so much positive feedback… And it's hardly any different for me. I feel so much more agile. And shit, I think about sex all the time. And mostly sex with Daniel.

On Thursdays I somehow always start to get restless. I used to primarily look forward to the week being over. But now I'm looking forward to the weekend starting. Kind of like it used to be. At school or university. And Saturdays and Sundays aren't much different than they were a month or two ago. And I can't remember the last few Fridays for the life of me. And the funny thing is that Daniel obviously feels the same way. It's almost Friday morning when I get a new message from the same number as last week. "Ive got a hell of a lot of m1y on u. Dont let meh down. And if u W, ill owe u 1". I really have no idea what that means. For some reason I save the number under "Liam".

Normally "casual friday" for me means wearing chinos with a blazer. Sometimes with just a white t-shirt underneath. But usually with a button-down shirt. Today I'm wearing a sweat suit with a hoodie top under a down vest. The neckline of the tank top underneath is so low that you can see the gap between my pecs. I actually didn't think about it. It just felt right. And no one in the office questioned it. On the contrary, I get a lot of compliments. My boss personally praises my tight ass. At 3:00 pm I get a message from Daniel: "Dude, were r u? fite starts @ 20:00. Didnt we want 2 trin beforehand? n da photo shoot is b4 tht 2!" I call him and ask him what that shit means. He can't remember any message he's supposed to have sent me. But the fact is that I have to go now, even if I still have no idea where I'm going or why.

Oh my god, this night is straight up LIT AF! Had a sick sesh at training with my ride-or-die homie. Then my first presser, ya boy's the ultimate underdog for this brawl. Cameras flashing like crazy. And then the showdown. Damn, your boy's killin' it. But KO in round two? No one saw that coming. Except Liam, he had faith. Dan's hating, thinking it's all fake. He's just salty. Bros gonna hate, but we're tight. Now we're popping bottles for the win. Liam's shouting that tonight's on him. We ain't gotta be told twice, let's partyyyy!

I could swear my nose looks like it's been broken in more than one fight. Somehow I remember boxing matches from the past. But when? At university? I was more of a debating and astronomy club kind of guy. Shit, Daniel and I need a new sports club. This stuffy country club is for wimps. Yes, we're 40 years old. But fit as fuck. There may be customers and colleagues who turn up their noses at us because of our tattoos. But hey, we weren't born with a silver spoon in our mouths. We've fought for everything we've achieved. And Dan and I agree that we've been really successful.

Yes, we like our jobs. And we're both good at it. But real life starts on Friday afternoon. Damn, you can bet your life on it!

[onebighappyaftonfamily]

FNAF Dashboard Simulator

🐊 not-coughin Follow

guys I hate living in hurricane utah. you will not believe what i just saw.

#cryptid sightings

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

Well? You cant just say that and tag it #cryptid sightings and not elaborate!

🕶️ cryptid_hunter Follow

Dont you know that Utah is full of cryptids man. They probably saw the Wire Monster

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

The what.

📸 Wire-Monster-Heritage-Posts Follow

Official Wire Monster Heritage Post

🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

WHAT?

535 notes

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

GUYS IM ACTUALLY ILL. I WENT TO THE SKATEBOARD PARK AFTER HOURS AND A GIANT METALLIC MONSTER GIRL ON WHEELS JUST INSULTED ME. AND THEN SHE DID THE TRICK I HAD BEEN PRACTICING BUT SHE DID IT BETTER

🛹 tony-fawk Follow

tfw you're so bad at rollerskating that your sleep paralysis demon shows up to outdo you

🛼 he-was-a-rollersk8er-boi Follow

PLEAAAAASE NO

89 notes

🎩 f-bears-family-diner Follow

We know what you did.

🌻 farmgurl1 Follow

This whole blog is giving ARG guys. But I googled the restaurant and it used to be a real place??? Someone pls explain

4 notes

⬜️ middle-of-nowhere-deactivated-02132022

GUYS I'm so scared for my life right now! bumped into his weird guy on the street and his hat fell off and his whole head was BALD AND PURPLE. like his skin was purple. And he smelled like roadkill. Did I just encounter a zombie?!

🎇 slaymechanic Follow

omg youre so rude! why are you demonizing that poor homeless man?! blocked

💌 cutsie_side_blog Follow

OP makes me sick

🖼️ simple-artist Follow

K

💽 foundfootagelvr3

U

🛤️ i-like-trains Follow

N

🏙️ king-sh1t Follow

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🎼 classicalmusic1 Follow

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🐰 springbonnie-and-friends

O

87 notes

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Oh my god guys normally I just post about whenever this guy ends up on the news but I literally saw him IRL today! He's moved back to Hurricane Utah?! Oh my god!

🐻 fr3dbear_fan Follow

SAY SIKE RN HE SAID HED NEVER RETURN

🕵️ problem-sleuther Follow

you mean that guy who was arrested for killing a bunch of kids including his own daughter??? should we be worried

🔎 henry-emily-sightings Follow

Clearly you haven't done your research. It wasn't him. They're still not sure who the murderer was but a lot of online fans believe that the murderer might have been Henry Emily's co-owner and friend William Afton. Naturally the guy disappeared shortly after Emily's arrest. Right, @william-afton-sightings ?

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

The guy's a ghost. I've literally turned this blog into a search for the Vintage Spring Bonnie suit, seeing as it was what the murderer wore to kill the missing kids. It's also missing, btw. It was also the only suit William Afton would wear, and some reports say he didn't like it when employees wore his suit. I'm hoping if I look for the Vintage Bonnie suit, then Afton might be too.

🐇 bonnie_lvr Follow

I've seen a spring bonnie suit but it was probably a crappy cosplay or smth. horror attraction by my place is trying to make it freddys pizzeria themed (disgraceful)

🔍 william-afton-sightings Follow

I have literally never seen a cosplay of Spring Bonnie. DM me PLEASE

💽 foundfootagelvr3

WAIT BONNIE_LVR ARE YOU IN HURRICANE BECAUSE I SAW THAT PLACE TOO. OMG IS THIS WHY MR EMILY IS BACK?!

134 notes

🎬 vintage-show-polls Follow

🐊 not-coughin Follow

Ugh this is such a niche tv show all of you are just voting based on what you know of the animatronics, not the show. gtfo posers

💽 foundfootagelvr3

OMG PLEASE VOTE FOXY HES SUCH A FASCINATING VILLAIN PLS PLS PLS PLS FOXY SWEEP

459 notes

reminder this is unreality. go ahead and vote in the poll and click the link of that tagged blog tho

[pablitogavii]

Best Friends Little Sister Pt. 1

Here is the very first part..hope you enjoy reading this storyline! There will be MANY parts if you like the story 💗💗💗

Fucking great! I've barely been here twenty four hours and I'm already in so much fucking trouble!

When i finally convinced my parents to let me go to Barcelona for uni, they only agreed if it meant staying with my older brother Pedri and not making any problems to his very important football career. He was always the golden boy in the household..I was kind of like a wild goose.

Of course I promised to behave..I would basically promise anything just so they let me go! Besides my best friend Masa was going too!

Tonight was a big event..back to school party night..with some after party VIP event which I of course had tickets for knowing who my brother is in these circles. Masa and I didn't think twice than to sneak out night before first day of classes and enjoy some privileges having a famous brother gives.

We promised not to drink..but beer pong seemed irresistible at the time which then turned into some shots and finally we needed a ride back home. A handsome looking black man walked up to me offering another drink but I refused. I was already getting sick of everything I had..and I wanted to go home.

"Hmm you know who I am guapa? I'm Vinicius Jr.." he said slurring his words..now that I took a look at him I obviously knew the guy..how could one miss the diamond chain he had on with his name on it..poser! His hand wrapped around my waist shamelessly and I felt sickened to my stomach..I should be home now!

"And you know who I am!? I'm Pedri's little sister and a Culé for life so get lost!" I said pushing him off and walking to make a phone call to only person other than my brother I knew in town..Pablo Gavi.

Morning Pedri picked me up from the airport Gavi was there..they were just getting back from training and we went to have some lunch together. Of course we were stopped by hoards of girls screaming both of their names..it was kind of embarrassing to think of my brother as alpha male in Barca but couldn't say I didn't get girls being obsessed with Gavi..he was certainly something else in person.

Broad shoulders..veiny arms..long fingers..fuck! And those eyes looking at you like he's already seen you naked..everything screamed DOMINANCE!! Don't even get me started on his hair..and did you know what he called me...!?

"Hola pequeñita, que necesitas ahora?" Pablo's groggy but still sexy voice broke my train of thought and I knew that I just woke him up.Better him than my brother I thought..I explained everything and he was on his way to pick us up. That was lucky that he didn't call my brother and snitched on me!

"Alright, hop in!" he pulled up getting out and opening both doors for me and my best friend to get inside..what a gentleman!

"Who got you into this party!? Aren't you like underage?" he asked me sitting at the passenger seat while Masa was already passed out in the back. I showed him the fake I brought from him seeing his jaw clenching..fuck I was getting so horny by it now!!

"Besides I faked Pedri's signature for the owner and he looked the other way for tonight..it's back to school night" you explain giggling at your own brilliant idea looking at Pablo's still serious face.

"You're trouble.." Pablo's voice was low and somehow demanding and I felt my panties water thinking of all the ways he could tame me right now..fuck I was so screwed if he kept biting his lower lips like that!

When we arrived at my best friends house, he helped me take her into dorm..she's so lucky she's living alone! Then he drove me to Pedri's mansion on the periphery of town..I learned during the drive that his mansion isn't far away either.

Must be nice being a young millionaire..smoking hot and wanted by every female in Spain..what is this I felt?? Was I really jealous!?

"Do you ever smile grumpy!?" I giggled as he opened the door seeing that I already took off my heels sighing before picking them up and carrying me bridal style into the house with a hidden spare key.

"I prefer to sleep at 3AM and not smile, vale!?" he said and I kept giggling like he was saying the funniest joke while resting my head onto his shoulder.

"You know about the spare key too..you guys are really close friends huh?" I say poking his cheek but he moves my finger while nodding his head.

"But..you'll lie for me..hmm..q..que mono" I poke him again as he quietly walks upstairs and into my room locking the door behind himself. He sushed me but I giggled making him cover my mouth with his veiny hand. Fuck it turned me on!

"Bueno, you're home safe and I can go..just don't wake Pedri up bueno?" he said putting me down but I reached to grab his hand and pull him back shyly..I didn't want him to go..fuck I wanted him so bad right now.

"Que haces pequeñita, huh? Eres mala..muy mala" he whispers the last part walking closer until my back his the wall and I were trapped there by his strong arms.

"Porque?" I play dumb biting my lip as Pablo raised my chin slowly licking his lips while looking at my hungrily.

"Your brother is right next door..and here you are..pulling me close..driving me crazy with that dress..and that sweet scent..you know I'm a man too" he slip his arm around my waist and a shiver moved down my spine as he whispered things into my ear.

"I'm so weak for you..f..fuck!" he whispered kissing the side of my neck and my moan rather loudly making him smirk but cover my mouth quickly.

"Do you want to get us in trouble pequeñita, huh?" he said and I shook my head making him uncover my lips and move closer making me unable to breathe from excitement.

"Mi nena buena.." he said kissing my lips passionately as my whole body melted into his strong grasp. Things were happening fast..as both of us ended up with our naked bodies interconnected and completely lost in each other forgetting about anything else.

Alarm was ringing as my head was pounding and I woke up resting on Pablo's naked chest...it's the first day of school..fuck!! Pedri's best friend was naked in my bed..FUCK!

Pablo somehow managed to sneak out since Pedri left super early for practice but he was late which made all the boys tease him during rondo.

"He must of been with a girl!" Ansu said passing him the ball and Pablo avoided Pedri's eye contact at all times. He screwed up badly this time..his little sister was off limits! Fuck!

"At least tell us she was a good fuck" Balde smirked and Pablo hit the ball little too hard hitting him in process before walking to run the mile. He was angry at himself, but also couldn't stop smelling me on his skin..I was his secret craving he couldn't stop thinking about.

Masa noticed my tired eyes the moment we met in class but she just thought it was a hangover from last night. I didn't tell her about Pablo..how was I supposed to start that conversation!? Not even one day in a new city and I already slept with my brother's best friend! Really good job Y/n!

pedri: me and gavi are picking you up at 3

me: and gavi?

pedri: yah, is that a problem? i'm his ride home after practice

me: no problem! see you at 3 hermano <3

"Fuck!" I said and Masa picked it up during lunch asking what was going on. I just made up a quick lie how I was sick from shots last night and needed to use a bathroom real quick before last period. Now I am lying to both my brother and best friend..fantastic job stupid!

When they arrived, I first looked at Pablo who was definitely checking me out in my little school uniform..I felt the same chills from last night. Mi nena buena..ran through my mind the entire time as I played with the edge of my school skirt.

"How was school hermanita?" Pedri asked and I just shortly answered that it was fine going back onto my phone avoiding any possible eye contact with Pablo who was clearly as uncomfortable as me in this moment.

"I need to get gas quickly..you two just wait here vale?" he said and before I could protest he was parked at the station and gone. My stomach was rumbling from hunger and nervousness and finally it was Pablo who broke the silence.

"You ate anything today?" he asked genuinely concerned but I just sassed at him for not texting me after last night.

"Since when is that any of your business!?" I say leaning forward to grab a pack of gum but my hair got into his face and I turned to look at him for a second..that's when all hell broke loose.

Gavi was all over me in the back seat of my brothers car pulling on my hair while kissing deeply as I ran my fingers through his curls..fuck I missed this for the whole day!

"Que hacemos!?" I say breathlessly after we pulled away for air and he pulled me closer resting his forehead against mine for a few seconds.

"I don't know pequeñita.." he answered quickly returning to his original position seeing Pedri paying and leaving the station before filling the tank.

"Everything alright here? If you're warm you can turn the AC on hermano?" Pedri said noticing Pablo's sweaty forehead and I giggled to myself in the backseat.

"You ready for tonight hermano? I heard those models will be there too, we can split them evenly if you want, huh?" Pedri was talking about this party tonight they were going to..somehow I was in such a bad mood suddenly.

"Whatever cabrón!" was all Pablo said but I were agitated nevertheless..of course he wanted a model like every other footballer! Why would he want a boring little schoolgirl. When we arrived home, I went out the car door slamming it hard and rushing to my bedroom.

"Que pasa con ella!?" Pedri said annoyed for mistreating his precious baby (the car ofc!) before he and Pablo went inside to play some FIFA and make plans for tonight.

"I don't care what they're planning!" I kept repeating but nevertheless ended up eavesdropping on my brother's conversation picking up the name of the club for the infamous party..a mischievous idea came to mind.

me: you in a mood for another VIP party??

Masa: you don't have to ask me that ever once tia!

Perfect! I thought to myself while picking up a perfect mouth watering outfit for tonight..game is on Gavi!

outfit I chose is tight black tight skirt with gold sparkling top..it was provocative but still lady like.Marching necklace and choker..I knew Pablo has the thing for it from how tightly he held my neck last night.

"Ready to go girlfriend??" Masa picked me up and I went to the club passing the line and walking up straight to the security guard.

"My name is Y/n Gonzalez..Pedri's sister" I say and the security guard didn't seem to believe me at first but when I showed him some pictures he nodded his head.

"And I'm supposed to believe you're both 18?" he said and I smirked giving him a paper with my number on it.

"You're supposed to believe I'll get you tickets for the next El Classico if you let me in" I said and he nodded taking the paper and moving to the side. Good thing everyone in this city is a football fan.

I passed through the dense crowd looking around for Pablo while Masa smirked at every cute looking guy at the bar. She knew her way around a crowd always winning in the number of free drinks she gets for the night.

There he was in all his glory..wearing all black..and with a girl sitting on his lap..her breasts were certainly bigger than her brain and almost spilling out of her shirt. I felt angry..and Masa noticed who I were looking at.

"I knew it! Next time you try to lie to me think twice! It's he you came here for tonight" she said and I pulled her away not wanting to get Pablo's attention when I were in such sour mood.

"I wanted to surprise him but looks like he has company.." I say and Masa smirks noticing Hector already eyeing me from head to toe..or rather from butt to breasts.

"So? You can have company too!" she said as he walked up to me offering a drink and I nodded wanting to show him that two can play the same game. Not even few minutes of dancing with Hector did you feel strong grasp pulling you away and into a secluded corner. Your back hit the wall roughly and you were eye to eye with furious Pablo Gavi...fuck he looked pissed off!

"And what exactly are you doing here pequeñita!?" he said dangerously low and your throat tightened as you looked into his dark eyes..fuck was he beautiful under the dim.

I couldn't make a sound from how nervous I was that he was this close to me right now and he knew exactly the kind of effect he was having on me..fucking asshole!

Next thing I knew his lips were back on devouring mine feverishly while his hands lowered on my waist and grabbed my butt shamelessly squeezing and making me moan into his mouth. The the image of that girl on his lap returned and you pulled away from him wiping my lips from his kiss..I were still angry.

"Can't believe you noticed me from her giant breasts!" I sass about to walk away but his grip tightened leaving bruises on my hips but I didn't mind..not if they were Pablo's. He kissed me again.

"Never wipe away my kisses off yourself! She came onto me..and it's cute that you're jealous pequeñita" he said moving my hair behind my ear.

"Just like Hector's hands came onto my butt.." I wanted to fight him back but then I felt a hard smack on my rear making me jump and him smirk victoriously..he was so good with playing with me!

"If that ever happens again I'll make your butt so red you won't be able to sit for weeks.." he whispered into your ear and you closer your eyes enjoying his lips on your neck and shoulders..fuck you were in public and didn't have a single care int he world!

"What am I to you P..Pablo..?" you moaned the question while he left his marks on your neck playing with your choker before wrapping his hand around your throat and looking you directly in the eyes.

"You're only mine pequeñita!" smirks kissing your lips one more time before taking your hand and sneaking you towards his car to drive you home.

Around that same time, Hector asked your brother about you...what a terrible mistake. The boy ended up with a bruise on his eye and you were grounded for a week when Pedri found out you were at the party that night..this was nothing compared to him knowing who took you home from that party ;)

[masterrainbowcat]

you keep calling me stupid but on several occassions you have misunderstood what was being written, like most semi-literate weebs you reading comprehension is below par. this isn't about him 'insulting books', you moron. dora was calling other people stupid and uninformed saying that there are ENTIRE BOOKS that proved him right. when asked in a friendly manner by me and someone else which books he was referring to he just ignored us. when i pressed him he came out w/ ad hominem attacks instead of titles and authors. he "couldn't remember" as it had been 5 years already since he'd read them. THERE ARE NO SERIOUS BOOKS THAT CLAIM FASCISM IS A LEFTWING IDEOLOGY. look it up, fool. this is a guy who made several hours worth of videos on youtube whining about how people on tumblr should learn to think critically and that their opinions lack nuance while continually posting lies and reactionary shit takes. when called out on other things by other people the pattern repeats. "i'm more literate than you" he told the chatbot account, and "i've read marx". fucking lying poser. so, maybe now you can understand why i don't have any qualms about making him my lolcow. hope this wasn't too much text for you to process otaku, have fun jerking off to cartoon girls.

So for context, this gent has been harassing @yourtoradorasextendedwarranty for months now, and this is his explanation for why. I assumed it was something to do with Tora insulting books Babi liked, since Babi has thimble-dick opinions on other mediums, but somehow Babi wrote this whole thing and didn’t think for a second that it was more embarrassing than what I assumed. “An argument didn’t go well so I’m gonna be a schoolyard bully.” That’s how you know he’s a man of character.

The reason you wouldn’t have seen these exchanges is because Babi spends most of his time spamming replies so that people can’t make fun of him as easily. Of course, considering one of the few times Babi did reblog, he admitted he didn’t graduate high school and uses AI in arguments, I can see why he’d want to avoid embarrassing himself to whatever followers he has. I suspect he also has a side blog where he LARPs as a fact checker that uses AI to write posts, but I can’t verify that beyond Tora being a target of that blog as well.

Babi also has a hate boner for anime, which with previous evidence suggests he is perpetually stuck in high school. Though I did get a chuckle out of his ad hominem about me “jacking it to cartoon girls”. Yeah, THAT’S the vibe my blog gives off.

But anyway, this is a man who:

* happily admits to harassing people like a bully

* has a weird reverence for AI and is proud to use it

* hides in the replies and potentially side blogs because he lacks the confidence to have his material show on his blog most of the time

and yet:

* is desperate to convince people his ideology is the right, good, and smart one

It’s the epitome of a comedy of errors.

[watarfallar]

Desert snacks anyone?

Scar: You know, you were right. Grian: About what specifically? Because I’m right about a lot of things.

Scar: So Grian, how did your first time cooking dinner go? Grian: Pretty good if I do say so myself. Scar: Oo! Okay, what are we having? Grian: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato. Scar: A whole potato? Grian: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches! Scar: These just look like big slabs of black. Grian: Because that's what they are! Grian: And then for desert, we have chocolate. Scar: These are just chocolate chips? Grian: They sure are! Grian: And then for drinks, we have toast! Grian: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

Scar: Can you keep a secret? Grian: Well, I'm good until I meet the next person.

*Scar and Grian are planning to break in somewhere* Scar: We need to distract the guards. Grian: Right. Scar: What are we gonna do? Grian: I'm gonna break their elbows while you poke their eyes. Scar: Grian: Scar: Deal.

Grian: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Scar: But you do know better.

Grian: I wonder who’s ruining my life. Grian: *looks in the mirror* Grian: So we meet again.

Scar: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was changing their name to Grian.

Scar: What is the most illegal thing you can do with one gold? Grian: Exchange it for a hundred copper, put them all in a sock, and then beat someone to death with it.

Scar: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL- Grian: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

Grian: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Grian: A fistfight CAN be romantic. (<-NO BUT THIS IS LITERALLY JUST THE CACTUS FIGHT-)

Scar: Why are you like this?? Grian: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

Scar: Are you coming to bed? Grian: I can't. This is important. Scar: What? Grian: Someone is wrong on the internet.

Scar: Just say when. Grian: When. Scar: I- Scar: Now or later? Grian: Oh.

Grian: So what are your political beliefs? Scar, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Scar: Kill me nowwwww. Grian: Sorry, no can do. I need your help with my homework.

Scar: Everything’s fine, Grian. Grian: Scar, I know your relationship with the english language is strictly casual, but you- I- *deep inhale* ALLOW ME TO TELL YOU WHAT’S NOT FINE.

Scar: I'd make fun of your height but there isn't enough to make fun of.

Scar: If by any chance Grian should attack, just start calmly talking about anything.

Grian: I love saying 'fuck me' because it can either be sexual or self-loathing and those are two things that describe me perfectly.

Grian, making a cup of tea: Yeah, get into that leaf juice, you sexy, sexy bee sauce. Scar: Hey, do you take constructive criticism? Grian: I absolutely fucking do not.

Grian: Of course I have a lot of pent-up rage, you fool! I've been the same height since I was twelve!

Scar, shooing Grian away: Can you go be depressed over there? You’re bumming out my whole area.

Scar: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers. Grian: Scar, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

Grian: No problemo! Grian, internally: But it was all problemo.

Grian: I want a trip down memory lane. Scar: *proceeds to grab every warrior cats book they have and sets them in Grian's lap* Scar: I heard you needed these? Grian: YES! ALL OF THEM!

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

For Never Have I Ever, nude model Peeta, please!

Well. I've written stripper Peeta, and half naked Firefighter Peeta posing for calendars, but not exactly this trope? So here's a little something? Maybe? I dunno, I feel kinda indifferent about this one, but that might just be me in a funk. Hopefully you all enjoy it!

Never Have I Ever

<3 kdnfb

RATED E: explicit language, nudity, mild sexual content (sort of?)

“God, I’m so tired of drawing dicks,” the girl in the front row mutters and Peeta has to bite back a laugh. She makes his job difficult sometimes, but he honestly looks forward to hearing the girl’s supremely snarky remarks whenever he models for this class.

And tonight, he needs it. The slowly growing ache in his back tells him he’s been posing for longer than normal. Without breaking pose, he tries to catch Annie’s eye, but she’s distracted. Standing on the top level of the terraced classroom, she’s engrossed in a discussion with one of her students, who keeps gesturing towards Peeta and then tilting his head as if trying to make sense of his own drawing.

Peeta tries not to smile or laugh. His own days of trying to make sense of human anatomy aren’t so long ago that he’s already forgotten the frustrations, or the hilarity that sometimes ends up on the page.

Still, Annie not paying attention stresses him out. He only agreed to model tonight because his favorite former professor was in a jam. The model she had scheduled backed out just yesterday, and she’d practically begged Peeta to fill in, promising class wouldn’t go over time by even a second. He should’ve known better. He took this class with Annie, only a few years ago, and it rarely released on time. Not only that, but because it’s an evening class, Annie almost always lets students linger to ask questions or touch up their work, sometimes forgetting the models altogether.

He bites the inside of his cheek and tries not to freak out about the fact that he’s supposed to be somewhere thirty minutes after this class ends. He has an extremely important dinner date tonight.

“Did I say something amusing?” Front row asks, and Peeta’s not sure it’s even aimed at him until she goes on. “One of these nights, I’m going to break you and get you to laugh. I can tell you want to.”

He fights with his face, forcing his expression into neutrality, and she scoffs.

“Obviously you’re not tired of whipping it out for a bunch of strangers to examine proportions and crap. You’ve modeled for us how many times now?” Peeta hears paper flipping and bites harder into his cheek to keep from smiling. “Ten classes. I’ve got ten classes worth of drawings of your dick and your ass. Christ, if I wasn’t constantly shoving my tongue in her pussy, my girlfriend might actually start to get jealous of you.”

Peeta stays silent, as he’s expected to, but it takes some doing. He’s thought before about talking to the smart mouthed brunette after class. For non-romantic reasons, obviously. He’s completely taken, for one. Two, she obviously is as well. This isn’t the first time she’s mentioned a girlfriend. But she seems like she’d be a lot of fun to hang out with, like maybe their senses of humor could vibe together pretty well.

“Ugh stop complaining, Jo. Just ask Madge to pose nude for you one night. Then you can draw all the tits and pussy you want,” her neighbor mutters. The stunning blonde, who is probably a model of some kind herself, normally sits in the back row, but Peeta noticed her moving her things to the front row when he came out from the back room to take his first position on the dais. “I, for one, prefer it when Blondie here is our model. You gotta admit, if we have to draw a plethora of penises, his is rather nice to look at.”

“Ugh. Straights. Can you make it any more awkward for the poor penis poser?”

“And I thought you’d appreciate the variety of… bodily representation,” the blonde presses forward. Peeta feels his cheeks heating slightly at the reference to his leg.

“Still didn’t ask you. And what the fuck?” Snarky brunette snaps.

“Everything all right down here? Johanna? Cashmere?” Annie’s voice approaches and Peeta tries not to let his shoulders slouch in relief. But it’s short lived. “Oh, nice work on the shading this week, Johanna. And… Cashmere… it’s always interesting when students show some artistic creativity.”

Peeta wonders what that means, and can feel his skin flushing with even more heat, especially when Annie moves on and Johanna cackles a little. At least he knows their names now? Normally, being naked in front of a group of art students like this doesn’t bother him, but Annie is rarely shocked by what students produce. So Peeta is both massively curious and massively afraid of what Cashmere may have drawn.

“Alright, pencils down,” Annie announces, and her words are met with a flurry of activity as students hurry to pack their things. For his part, Peeta slips off the platform and shrugs into his robe as he’s leaving the classroom. He sneaks a glance at the clock on the wall and curses under his breath, making a beeline for the back changing room where he left his clothes and his phone.

Once he’s got his shorts on, Peeta snatches up his phone. He’s technically not late yet, so there’s nothing from Katniss. He fires off a quick text to her.

Had to help out a friend. Took longer than promised. Gonna be a few minutes late. I’ll pay for any appetizers you and your friends want until I get there.

You know how dangerous it is to tell me to order what I want…

Peeta smiles when the answer comes in quickly. He’s busy typing a response and distracted.

“Oh! Peeta! I thought you’d be dressed by now,” Annie says, stepping back and whipping the curtain closed between them again.

“Got distracted,” Peeta says and sits on the chair to get his pants on over his prosthetic. “Did you need something?”

“Um, well… I was wondering if you could do this again in two weeks? It pays double.”

Peeta pauses and hangs his head, remembering the syllabus enough to know what happens in two weeks.

Pairs. He’ll be modeling with another person, usually in intimate or amorous poses. Normally he wouldn’t care a lick about it, and would jump at the chance to bring in that much money for an hour or two of work. But last time, several of the poses were intensely erotic. Even if they weren’t, he’s not sure how Katniss would react to him doing that.

His cheeks burn and he yanks on more of his clothing as he admits to himself that he has no idea what Katniss would think of any of this. She knows that he does modeling work for art students, across several mediums, but he never really mentioned that it often involves him being naked or only partially clothed.

“I’ll um… I’ll think about it,” Peeta tells her and finishes getting dressed. “When do you need to know?”

“The sooner the better,” she says as he opens the curtain. She smiles at him and reaches up to fix his hair. “Good luck, tonight.”

“Thanks,” he says and leans forward so she can kiss his cheek. “Tell Finnick I said he’s a puffed up merman reject.”

She laughs and shakes her head, but Peeta’s smiling as he leaves. It’s kind of their weird thing, him and Annie’s husband, trading whacky insults they don’t necessarily mean.

He checks his phone again as he’s leaving the building, cursing under his breath and picking up his pace, hoping he hasn’t missed the bus, because then he’ll be forced to wait fifteen minutes for the next one. He’s already going to be a few minutes late.

When he reaches the bus stop, it’s empty, and just up the street, he can see the taillights. Smacking his fist on the panel advertising some kind of energy drink, Peeta curses and pulls his phone back out to text Katniss.

****

“I need something not phallic shaped to eat, right the fuck now,” Johanna announces as she flops into the booth and Katniss smiles at the second, and the last, of her friends to arrive. She taps her phone to send her reply to her boyfriend’s frantic apology text and sets it aside to focus on her friend.

“Would you stop complaining?” Madge teases and waves towards what���s left of the stuffed mushrooms they ordered. “You know you love that class.”

“You love anything that involves nudity,” Katniss reminds Johanna, and Jo snorts.

“Unless it involves dick overload.”

“You don’t have to act so disgusted, you know? It’s not going to gain you any brownie points,” Madge says and pushes her glasses up her nose with one finger. “We’re all fully aware of your sexual history.”

“You handed out Cliff’s Notes the first day of our friendship,” Katniss jokes and Johanna shrugs.

“I felt like you could learn some valuable lessons from my experience.” Katniss averts her gaze and spins her straw in her water glass. “Wait… I know that look. Fuck, no. Katniss!”

“What?” Katniss whines and Johanna glares at her.

“Tell me you’ve at least moved past kissing with him?” Madge chokes on air and Johanna’s gaze darts between Katniss and her girlfriend. “Oh my god you haven’t.”

“We’re taking things slow!”

“But why?” Johanna asks through gritted teeth. “You’ve been aggravatingly horny for this one for months now.”

“He’s had his hand under my shirt,” Katniss admits and Johanna shakes her head, moaning a sound that can only be called pained.

“Let her go at her own pace,” Madge says and soothingly rubs Johanna’s back.

“I can’t. At this rate, she’ll be in menopause before she gets dicked down.”

Madge rolls her eyes and Katniss purses her lips, fighting back annoyance at her friend’s insistence that Katniss have sex with Peeta already. 

She could tell Johanna that the last time they went on a date, they’d wound up in a secluded spot where heated kissing led to her unfastening her jeans so Peeta’s fingers could slide into her panties. She could tell Johanna how thrilling and terrifying it was, kissing him and whimpering into his mouth when he whispered questions to her. All she could manage were yes or no answers, but it was enough. She’d shattered on Peeta’s fingers and clung to his jacket, buried her face in his neck and moaned in exquisite relief as the pleasure unfurled inside her.

But she won’t tell Johanna, because Katniss refuses to let her friend demean or cheapen what had been a beautiful experience to Katniss. Her entire body heats to unbearable as she remembers the way Peeta had slid his fingers from her and whispered in her ear that, if she’d allow it, he wanted to taste her orgasm. That if they were at her place or his, he’d be on his knees, begging for the privilege of burying his face between her thighs and kissing her until he’s drowning in her orgasms.

“Can we not be talking about my sex life when Peeta gets here? Please?”

“Do you even know what a dick looks like?” Johanna asks and Madge rises to Katniss’s defense. “No, I’m serious. Have you even seen one before? As in, not a drawing in a health textbook or hospital pamphlet your mother made you read, but an actual, real dick.”

“Of course I have,” Katniss lies. Johanna can tell, lifting one eyebrow and scoffing. “Alright fine, no. I haven’t. What’s wrong with that?”

“Hold on. We’ll try baby steps. Not to brag, but my anatomically correct drawing skills fucking rock,” Johanna says and starts rummaging in her bag. “And this guy who keeps modeling for my human form class has got a choice looking dick, not gonna lie.”

“Thought you were tired of drawing dicks?” Madge asks, smirking and sipping her drink. Johanna glances up at her girlfriend and leans forward to kiss her on the mouth.

“So tired of drawing dicks.”

“Again, can you not be making me look at porn when my boyfriend shows up here?”

“It’s not porn, it’s art,” Johanna states in a snotty voice. “Besides, unless you’ve somehow found the unicorn of a man whose libido is as glacial as yours, I have to question a dude who is willing to meet your two best friends before he’s even so much as touched or seen your pussy.”

Katniss schools her facial features into a bored expression, but she must be off her game, because Johanna’s jaw drops and she makes an indignant sound.

“You’re holding something back! What happened? What did you do with him?”

Thankfully, Katniss is saved from answering in that moment by the sight of her boyfriend walking into the restaurant.

“Shut up and behave yourself, Johanna. He’s here,” Katniss says and walks ten feet away to greet him. Far enough that Madge and Johanna won’t be able to see them from where they’re seated. She’s not even a little ashamed when she slides her arms over his shoulders and melts into his embrace.

“Sorry I’m late.”

“I’m just glad you made it,” Katniss says. 

There was a part of her that worried that Johanna was right. That Peeta wouldn’t be willing to face the inquisition her friends would undoubtedly put him through when they still haven’t even slept together yet. She shivers slightly when his lips graze over her neck, awakening the hunger she’s felt more and more often around Peeta.

Squeezing her eyes shut, she admits only to herself that part of the reason she’s been putting off having sex with Peeta isn’t because she’s afraid it won’t be good enough, but because she’s terrified it will be so good. So very, incredibly good that she’ll be irrevocably changed by it. That she’d be handing Peeta the power to absolutely destroy her if it turns out he doesn’t care for her as much as she cares for him.

“Ready?” she asks and Peeta releases her. He’s smiling, and Katniss takes that as a good sign. He knows how important her friends are to her. Katniss takes his hand and walks with him back to the booth. 

Johanna is showing something to Madge, a stack of what look like drawings.

“Peeta, these are my two closest friends,” she starts the introductions.

“Oh my sweet fuck,” Johanna says when she looks up, and Madge spits out her drink, barely catching it in her hand over her mouth.

"Not on my homework!" Johanna says and yanks the pages up against her chest.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Peeta mutters. 

[sycamorelibrary754]

The Piggy Story

Summary: Yelena is Melina’s Secret Santa and takes a crack at a few handmade piggy presents!

Pairing: Yelena x reader (platonic), Natasha x reader, Alexei Alanovich Shostakov x reader (platonic) Melina Vostokoff x reader (platonic)

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.2k

Warnings: None

A/N: If you read Happy Thanksgiving, you will understand this story. If you didn’t, please enjoy the random silly fluffiness. 😂

Yelena had been acting suspiciously for two weeks, sneaking around and making everyone uneasy. She would disappear at night without letting you accompany her, which was unusual since you frequently joined her when she walked Fanny. Initially, you thought she might be gearing up for an undercover mission. Whenever you asked her about it, she would dodge the question, giving you a look that seemed to say, 'If I tell you, I'll have to kill you.' You had learned not to overthink your sister-in-law’s idiosyncrasies. If it was possible, they made you love her even more.

You were lounging in your comfy pajamas, engrossed in a game of cards with Wanda in her cozy room, when Natasha suddenly entered. "Hey, detka, have you seen Yelena? She was supposed to join me and Steve for a briefing twenty minutes ago."

No, I haven't," you said as you placed your cards face down on your lap. "Not since this morning, anyway.

“She’s been acting odd lately,” Nat commented.

While rearranging her cards, Wanda pointed out, "Odd in general, or odd for her because you know there’s a difference.

"That is true," you nodded, gesturing toward Wanda.

Natasha grumbled, "If you run into your best friend, would you tell her that her sister is going to kick her ass?"

"Sure thing, wifey," you chuckled, playfully saluting her and giving her a swift kiss on the lips.

Nat playfully rolled her eyes and teased, "It's a wonder I married you."

*^~^*

You couldn't contain your excitement as you and Yelena started putting up Christmas decorations around the compound the next day. Wearing your coziest Christmas sweater, adorned with festive patterns, you danced through the halls, humming cheerful tunes and happily hanging up ornaments and lights, infusing the entire space with holiday spirit.

“Dashing through the snow

In a one-horse open sleigh

Peter’s on the go

Laughing all the way

Bells on Fanny ring

Making Tony fight

Wanda wants to flip a coin

And sing this song tonight

Jingle bells, Clinton smells

Banner laid an egg

Ant mobile lost a wheel

And Loki got away

Hey!”

That was very nice, y/n; now, how about a White Christmas song to go with this delightful cup of hot cocoa topped with whipped cream?

"No can do, boo. Only one show per Christmas season," you said, as you sat together on the sofa.

You both savored a small sip of the rich chocolate beverage, watching the steam rise enticingly from the mug.

"Hey, did you know that one of Mom's pigs is named Clinton?" Yelena said with a sheepish grin.

"Is that so? I've only ever heard of Alexi," as you savor some of the whipped cream from the top of your hot cocoa.

“Mom named Alexi, and then she asked if Natasha and I would do the honors of naming the other two. Clinton was the poser’s choice.”

"I can't believe Nat never told me. What name did you choose?" You took another sip of your beverage, eagerly awaiting the answer.

“Sir Francis Bacon.”

You almost choke on your hot cocoa as you sputter, and it rolls down your chin. “That is adorable!” you exclaimed, reaching for a napkin. You’ll have to point out which is which when we go to your parents' house for Christmas next week.”

"Hey, you've got a little whipped cream on your cheek." Leaning in, Yelena sneakily licked it off.

"Oh my God! Who are you, Fanny?! I have no idea where your tongue has been! Ew! Get some hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine!" With a jolt, you lept up and dashed to the bathroom, leaving Yelena in fits of giggles on the floor.

*^~^*

The remaining week was filled with delightful Christmas-themed activities. As you snuggled up on the couch with my cherished blanket, preparing to watch "The Holiday" with the team, you noticed someone conspicuously absent.

"Where could Yelena be?" you mused aloud.

"In my lab," Tony said nonchalantly, casually tossing popcorn up into the air and effortlessly catching it in his mouth.

"Why?" you asked, slightly confused.

“Blondie wanted a private space to work on a project. I told her she could use the lab if she didn’t joyride any suits,” Tony explained.

“Yelena in your lab with unlimited access to nanotechnology.” Nat pondered, grabbing two Christmas cookies and offering you one before snuggling up beside you in your blanket ball.

"Go down there and see if she's up for watching the movie," you urged, tossing popcorn in Kate's direction.

"Why am I the one?" questioned the young archer.

"Since you're closer, and she's starting to freak me out," you explained.

"Don't worry about it, Y/N. FRIDAY is keeping an eye on her," Tony reassured.

*^~^*

You woke up at Melina and Alexi’s Christmas morning to the delicious smell of cinnamon rolls and coffee. You agreed to do Secret Santa with your wife’s family this year. You and Natasha were wearing your matching Christmas pajamas, ready to exchange presents, but Yelena was unusually eager and insisted on going first.

Guess what? I was your Secret Santa this year, Mama! I wanted to challenge myself and make a homemade gift for you," Yelena exclaimed as she reached for Melina's tablet on the counter and quickly tapped a few buttons on the touchscreen. "Hey boys, come on in!

The door creaked open, and in waddled all three of Melina’s beloved pigs, their little trotters pitter-pattering against the wooden floor. As the trio rounded the corner, they presented a charming sight - each adorned in a specially tailored vest. Alexi sported a vibrant red vest, Clinton rocked a regal purple one, and Sir Francis Bacon donned a cheerful orange number. Upon closer inspection, it was clear that each vest was meticulously handcrafted, complete with the pig's name beautifully embroidered. It was a display of piggy prestige at its finest.

“Surprise, Mama! Now, not only will the piggies be warm in the winter, but they are stylish individuals with many pockets!” Yelena declared.

"The pigs are sporting vests," Nat deadpanned. You gently squeezed her hand, silently urging her to play nice.

“Not vests, sestra. Pests! Piggy vests! My very own invention," Yelena clarified. "You can just call me the next Tony Stark.

"The pigs sporting Pests," you revised with a chuckle.

"Thank you very much, my dear! These are fantastic. I've always believed they needed some attire. The Russian winters are extremely harsh, and they truly deserve something exceptional," Melina exclaimed, planting a loving kiss on her younger daughter's cheek.

"Check it out, girls! Alexi's has the best Pest. He's a dead ringer for the Red Guardian, ready to go head-to-head with Captain America," Alexi exclaimed as he affectionately stroked his namesake.

“Oh my God, it’s like living in a Dr. Seuss book,” Nat joked.

"Who knew you were a crochet pro?" You turn to your best friend in surprise.

“I wasn't. No, no… Kate Bishop is the mastermind behind it. She taught me how to make it. All it took was $100 for the yarn and supplies, which I may have borrowed from Stark, and a promise to never show up again in the middle of the night unless it’s a real emergency,” Yelena explained.

"Is that where you were sneaking off to at all hours of the day and night?"The surprise is written all over your face.

"Where else did you think I was headed?" Yelena questioned.

Undercover in the Multiverse, I don't know!" Your face turned beet red the longer she looked at you. "You were scaring the crap out of everyone.

"Ha! That's hilarious. You're quite the comedian, y/n," she laughed, placing her hands on yours and Natasha's shoulders. "I don't want to give anything away, but by New Year's Eve, some stylish individuals will emerge from this group!" With that, she wrapped you and Nat in a warm, tight group hug.

Natasha's gaze met yours from behind Yelena's back, and a smile crept onto your face. It indeed was a merry Christmas.