#I'VE BEEN TO A WORLD WORTH LIVING IN
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milk crates — pigeon pit
like a dog tugging on a rope I don't even know where I'd go if they let go is that a train?
#milk crates#pigeon pit#feather river canyon blues#music things#the winter passes. my jaw unclenches. the ferns outside my window learn to open up.#NO JOB#NO PLACE TO GET AWAY FROM#I'VE BEEN TO A WORLD WORTH LIVING IN#NO RENT#NO LIES TO MEMORIZE#NO FUCKED UP WORLD TO DROWN OUT#and there are things in your life that you were made to run away from but it's not your grief. or your pain. or any other kind of love
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Monkey MK: "There's something inside you, that you can't control. You know what you are, deep down. A beast, a monster—harbinger of chaos! This thing, that wants to hurt, that wants to destroy, that wants chaos! You're so terrified to let it out! But the truth is, you like it. It makes you feel strong. It's who you are!"
(5x04 The Storm Within)
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Nine: "No, I told you, I get out either way! But, I have had enough of control, enough of watching people put themselves in cages! Of...watching them push away the chaos, when the chaos is what makes them who they are!"
(5x09 Sacrifice)
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*sweats*
#*cough* didn't uh#Didn't realize these were so on the nose as parallels. Like that each line is the opposite of the other#oh we're fucked in s6#oh hello#lego monkie kid#lmk#lmk parallels#lmk theme: identity#lmk MK#lmk Nine#lmk spoilers#lmk s5#*cough*.....eamk for s6.....in a way. In the way that matters to me#Like I've been thinking about the difference between like#Yellowtusk wanting to believe in Azure (''But at the cost of the world?'') and the gang wanting to believe in MK#and how there really is no difference. but YT's belief was framed as ''bad'' and the gang's was framed as ''good''#''I'm sorry pal. But ain't nothin` worth that price!'' uhuh and then it was. Pigsy u little hypocrite#everyone was happier to die with MK than to live without him??? Because they are insane???#and I'm like#bro#the rammies#the rammies next season bro#like MK. MK did kinda choose his friends over the GUARANTEED safety of the world.#He's so funny like that#I just am assuming the open door to chaos is going to have rammies
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Sorry I'm a bit late on this, but I just wanted to say congrats on finishing season 1 !! 🥳
LOSING MY MIND AT HOW PERFECT THIS IS!!!!!! THANK YOU PIO!!!!! B'*)
#fanart#This is so so so sweet...seriously thank you so much for everything pio#I'm ENTRANCED!!!!!! I've been ponyfied!!!! with the boots and cutie mark to match!!!!!#you're a huge inspiration in so many ways B'''*)#And the little creatures...they are so small but so perfectly shaped#Miss apple is PERCHED. Little Wangji is BRAIDING. Little WWX is living his best life (that face is..so cute)#little jing lin and fairy....aughh my HEART#and of course the lan junior duo.....standing smiling and standing silly. As they should be.#They are also height accurate to canon form <3#I was wating for someone to point it out but...there's a reason everytime I draw them next to flowers they are small B*)#all pd-mdzs characters are ~5-7 cm tall. They are like little fairies. I was serious every time I referred to the little strands as antenna#Rather they are like little borrowers. They have little mouse paws and tails. little mouse noses. Fine little whiskers. In my heart.#the more you know!#(I will draw them as the creatures they deserve to be. One day.)#On a meta level they are also very small. Each square panel is 1/4 of a sticky note. about 8 comics fit on one page.#Scrolling back up to look at Pio's art again to remember what its all for. That living is worth it.#Kissing this art gently and accidently hitting the post button to let these beautiful creatures roam the world wide web.#Maybe I should draw my sona as a horse for a bit... It would solve my problems about not having enough horses to draw....
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i have art block but i just had a burger (more like 2,5) so perfect in flavour combination and texture that i wanted to cry and life was so beautiful and all my worries went away it was like a spiritual experience this picture represents maybe 1/6th of what that felt like
#i'm fine mentally btw (/gen) i just really fucking love burgers#wolfart talks#i'd srsly give actual head just to eat a burger like this#i'd give all the money in the world#i've been waiting for weeks to eat one of those#they are very specific burgers mad by my dad#i'm in extacy rn#everything is okay no i know life will be okay#because there are beutiful things in life like this burger#life is worth living#if it means these#ok im done
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its my 28th birthday tomorrow so i want to say while i still can
- i am 27 years old
- i have no money and no prospects
- i'm already a burden to my parents
- i am frightened
#pride and prejudice#i have been in my girlflop girlfailure era for ten sad pathetic years#i have however made wonderful friends and wouldnt change it for the world#and learned so much about myself and i have gained back so much of the confidence i've lost#im genuinely hopeful about the future despite being a mentally ill lump for my entire adulthood so far#and like im gonna be real#a lot of what got me through it was the friends i made here on tumblr#i love you all#thank you for being my internet greek chorus for the past decade#my tumblr friends saved me and for my 28th birthday i want to acknowledge that#and yknow. shitpost#to missy marjorie lauren chloe mary elise val mina ted xander aimee alyssa and all my other mutuals over the years#you are awesome and i hope i can share with yall any amount of the joy im gonna feel tomorrow on my birthday#i may be in my flop era but life is still worth living
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Hey not to make a political post but does it ever feel like we can just never win and the suffering will be forever and we're always going to have to fight with moments of peace being fleeting and not worth looking forward to
#behind the tent#neg#current events#the worst man alive got shot and lived#if he DOES die he will be martyred . we will be considered a violent threat . the right will revolt#if he DOESNT die he will martyr himself as a survivor . we will be branded as violent and worth stamping out . we're going to be killed#moments of celebration do not last#two innocent people died as a result#and we couldnt even fucking kill trump immediately#and joe biden aint much better!!!#and halfway across the globe innocent families are being ripped apart in the name of an ethnostate and by god Im not letting myself give up-#-hope for them . Im not allowed to feel hopeless for them .#but fuck if the knowledge in my mind every waking day doesnt add to it#and neither of our politicians care!!! and of course the entire fucking world ends up dictated by the whims of the US anyways so the fact#they dont care is crucially fucking important!!#And my right to live and exist in this country will probably be wiped away entirely in a couple of years when I just barely got to taste it#there's a chance I could be hatecrimed next time I walk out the door#And maybe its the ahedonia since childhood speaking too but I'm starting to not see the point !!!!! what is the point !!!!#the fact there ARE people who care about me is the only fucking reason I'm not gonna end it all tomorrow! I swear to god!#And at this point I am waiting for this to finally fucking affect me personally so I can have an excuse to fucking feel that way!#I feel so fucking selfish for being so suicidal when I've been one of the lucky ones but god its not gonna get better is it?#everyone encourages radicalization and change . demands it . begs for it . but it hasnt happened! it will Never happen!#my only god damn choice is to let it lead to despair!#suicidal ideation cw#God I wish I had access to hard drugs
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apparently i also put tolerate it by taylor swift on my playlist for vene....... i also see it. perhaps in a looser sort of way.
#( 💭 faun thinks )#maybe i'll talk abt some of the songs i put on there for him..... because i can. nobody can stop me in my own home.#with this one in particular probably a controversial take but i see it relating to his close relationships#because... think about it...... a lot of the ppl he's closest to insult him... esp romano... and even germany#that + how i see him having issues w/ self worth given his history of being chased after for his inheritance#+ the fact that he clearly takes words to heart with how much he praises others and seems to love being praised#i think he actually doesn't feel that loved but keeps up w/ trying to be loving because it's all he can really do#acknowledging that feeling of discontent would just create problems he doesn't want to deal with#and doesn't think can be dealt with to begin with#do the people he loves actually love him or do they just tolerate him#also i see parts of this tying into his childhood w/ austria as well#being scolded and bullied despite attempts to Be Good and earn Approval#which i think particularly fucked him up after living w/ rome and being treated overall well#only for him to die and vene to be kicked out into the real world where he was terribly mistreated#i see him feeling like he fell from grace in some way going from being a good kid who was praised#to one who could never do anything right (being a hyperbole)#thus feeling like he has to earn back or maintain that status of being Good#yet also w/ his experience of being sought after for his inheritance... ok losing the point here but i have Thoughts#thoughts i keep in the tags... for now...#keep meaning to make on itapost on this topic but then i get too nervous lol#i've also been wanting to make an itapost on vene's feelings towards rome and how he feels like he has to live up to some standard#in relation to him (but obviously doesn't and how that affects his self esteem)#soon maybe#itaposting
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my brain is melting and my eyes are glazed over i cannot finish this edit take the scraps
#i was like wow cool concept! now i think i'm dying. too much writing. too much inspect element.#ok anyway i disagree w republican nancy interpretations. you don't understand she is a girlboss feminism billionaire lib who fucking sucks#and she knows the girlboss feminism is corny but she's doing it for pr#she still wants a tax cut#aaand the villareal business is hotels and resorts i've been using marriott as a reference#so biggest hotel chain in the world and they own a million brands. jacques kinda fell of the face of the earth for a while though#jacques's net worth is like 25 billion because he's also a huge investor. should they live#(no)#ts4#this is the fall: extras
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wow I've sure blocked or unfollowed a lot of people I used to really like and respect over their absolutely abominable opinions recently
#this is about people being horrifically pro-!sra3l by the way#not fandom stuff#though it also could be lmaoooooo I've unfollowed some people I used to think were cool over that too#but obviously that's not comparable#just#'I think p@l3stinians deserved it because they voted in h@mas' is certainly A Take. And not a good one#as is 'well if you're j3wish and you haven't explicitly said you're pro-p@l3stine I think we can be a bit anti-s3mitic actually'#like holy shit do you people hear yourselves#folks in gaza are being slaughtered and will be slaughtered again#it's a LITERAL genocide by any metric.#that is ATROCIOUS#like pro-Isr@el people: you cannot make it any clearer that you think their lives are worth less than yours (white people's...)#But. to a certain subset of the pro-P@lestine folks.#it is also atrocious for you to demand that every jewish person in the entire world genuflect and apologise for something they didn't do#especially when jewish people across the world are actually often among the foremost critics of Isr@el#like... your antisemitism is SHOWING#yes I have been using the annoying tiktok word censoring thing because I don't wanna put this in the tags
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with the year coming to a close, i hope that anyone who's reflecting about how the year went remembers to be kind and fair to themselves with how you evaluate the year as a whole.
i think there are definitely times when life throws things that are... Not So Great at you. whether if it's some external circumstance that surprised you, or maybe your mentality wasn't at it's best. i wish for anyone who's encountered those kinds of challenges to be able to triumph over them and be able to say that they got through it.
heck, it might still be a work in progress even though you've kept chipping away at it, and that's ok! the results will show themselves eventually as you work through it! and i hope that we can all remember to be patient with ourselves as we go through these processes (learning, healing, etc.), because damn, it can be frustrating when you feel like you're "not there yet."
knowing that life can be rough at times, i think it's unfair to yourself (and others) to discount and downplay any progress you've made this year- whether if it's something that you did for the first time, or maybe you came to a new understanding and insight that you didn't have in the previous year.
it's not to say that you should undermine the validity of your experience with hardship, but to take the time to remind yourself what makes life worth living. to recall what moments were the most satisfying to you- and use it to strengthen your resolve for the next year and beyond. no amount of hardship will ever take away from the fact that you deserve to have hope that things will get better.
i hope that looking back on the year, you don't leave out the things you cherish. that you can remember the good that came this year. whether if the small victories are things like meeting someone new, trying something out for the first time, or making some strides in a long-term project/obligation...!
i wish everyone a happy new year! may it be prosperous, and that your life can move in a direction that's close to what you want out of life. you're all going to do great! remember to congratulate yourself for what you did well! despite everything, you're still here, and that's wonderful. never forget that!
#lizzy speaks#hello everyone. i know that there are *checks calendar* still 20 days left of december and 2023#but i've had a lot of strong emotions and feelings i've had to sort through as i've been thinking about how 2023 went for me#so a lot of what i've written here comes from the perspective of someone in their early 20s#it's like... a crash and burn from when you were a teenager thinking that you know everything#and realizing how big the world is and how many responsibilities there are#all while a feeling of overwhelm looms over as you try to sift your way through the world and adjust your understanding of it#for me i've definitely had an underlying thought that 'you should have your shit together by now why aren't you there yet'#and it's! not motivating! at all! to think that way. and it's made me more than ever want to be a friend to myself. to extend a patient-#kind voice to myself that reminds me that others are also trying to navigate these feelings and to accept that i'm not going to have an-#instantaneous understanding of how one goes about adulthood. and neither will they. even if they look 'put together.'#like... these people have also undergone similar stresses and along the way figured out how to navigate through that space#and personally i've found peace in knowing that there are people who are older than me. trusting that they've dealt with these things too i#some shape or form and that them living... being here.. is proof that we shall be fine in the end and that we will move past what plagues-#our mind. there's definitely been some... anger i've had this year that. school didnt teach me these things or skills!! i was so mad lol#but hey if we are little guys who are living on planet earth for the first time we shouldn't condemn ourselves to an unrealistic standard-#of going through life and being able to instantly do everything 'correctly' and know how everything works#i'm still working on improving that patience... and also trying to put in the work to understand these things.#in the midst of a very tough week for me i was tempted to say that 'nothing happened this year it was not productive'#but then i was like. that's. objectively not true if you just look at other things. also theres worth in life outside of 'productivity'#...i think i passed 20 tags at this point. but like. my favorite thing about 2023 was meeting so many cool awesome people!#who would've known that funny lil squid game could bring so many connections and friendships i cherish!#thank you so much! for being a part of my life and changing me for the better! for giving me many fond memories!#and i'm very grateful to anyone who supported me and my art this year... for sticking around even though i wished i could do more#it means the world to me knowing that there's proof that i exist and have touched someone's life in a positive way! thank you! truly!#ANYWAY. happy early new year. i hope everyone can nourish a friend in their head that extends acceptance and patience to themselves#as we try and make sense of the world together. there will be things that we don't understand yet! but one day we will! and it'll be like#wow! look how far i came! i'm okay! i'm alive! yipee! thank you for reading this post i made to get my feelings out! have a nice day!
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Does anyone know where I can find the good quality version of this image? It's so frustrating because when cross searching on google it'll tell me the original quality is 850x478, but I can't find a way to download it in that quality. This is another version of the image (I'm guessing it's Mayoi promo art):
But I liked the clean white background one...
#It's cute...#It's got Akutagawa stealing glances at Atsushi#Thought asking was worth a try ;;;;;;#Google cross image search has changed and as someone who used it as I use breathing it's been absolutely heartbreaking.#It makes cross searching images so much harder it's awful#Because before when you looked up an image it suggested you the best quality avaible of that image.#And the search got worse every year but it was still functional you know??#But now there's not that anymore. There's no “large” “medium” “small” and instead it only gives you “find image source”#Dude I don't want to find the image source. I've downloaded the image I KNOW the source. What I want is ANOTHER SOURCE with better quality#And I used to get it when I was 10 and I used to get it when I was 15 and I sued to get it when I was 20#And now I don't have it anymore?? It stripes away one of the most powerful search tools on the internet from the public????#It drives me insane. Like why does internet get worse every year that's not how humanity is supposed to work#Sorry. I needed to rant. This makes every quality-freak media archivist (like me) job harder beyond comparison#Btw if you're looking for an alternative Yandex images still does the work... It's not as powerful search engine as google#and it's often going to miss the particular hidden media (y'know- super niche Akutagawa merch from 2018 and stuff)#But for the rest it does a pretty good job. If anything there's still the best quality avaible option#But seriously looking up stuff for aktgw-daily has gotten so much harder ever since this fucked up change to google lens#and it makes me hate the world. I haven't been able to find a way to reverse it but if anyone more tech savy than me who has any idea-#what I'm talking about can help me. Please please hmu I'll be grateful forever#Sorry for the rant I have a lot of pent up rage over this. Stop making broke people's lives harder challenge#random rambles
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I think I just read my first tragedy.
It was good.
I do want to fistfight the devil though.
#I don't know if I'm using 'tragedy' correctly in a literary sense here#it was a story where it did not turn out all right#but also it did#like real life#'they're not coming back and it's never going to be ok but you will keep living anyway and that's worth it'#I've never experienced grief like that really so I only know what i've been told#it was not written from a christian/eternal standpoint though so of course I know that is another dimension other people don't have in grie#I'm getting off topic anyway#by 'fistfight the devil' I mean the way I process tragic stories [and realities that's why I'm reading the stories stories paint the way fo#rward and all] Is by thinking about the eternal realities of it and that means in this case thinking about the nature of evil and how it's#twisted the world and why death feels so wrong because it IS wrong#it shouldn't be; a person should never die this wasn't how it's meant to be that's why it's so wrong that's why it hurts that's why we can#never make sense of it it is evil it can't make sense#it wasn't meant to be like this#and how it's not the end regardless#which goes both ways because eternal life but also eternal death#and I'm weeping over the souls of everyone I've ever known who didn't want to live eternally#feather rambles
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It was so unbelievably messed up of me to make the last two songs on that playlist "Tengo de xubir al puertu" and "Tú que vienes a rondarme"
#songs that put together with the context of this fic say i am going to do this thing that is really hard for me#because i've realized that you are the center of my world and that fact alone makes it worth it - even if i might not succeed#just the thought of you is comfort and anchor enough#this fic is unpublishable i think it will collectively destroy the psyche and will to live of the entire fandom#it sure is quite possibly doing that to me. what is wrong with me#<- guy who has been going through an excruciating roller coaster of an emotional experience since june or perhaps three years ago#perce rambles
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I thought I could ask my grandma for help and she asked why I don't have a job 🥲
#she got a job offer before she left the college grounds and worked until she met papaw#he provided for her for the rest of her life#my uncle doesn't have a job either#he's used her money to get a cybertruck a vr headset a ps5 and a new chair#because he just has to have a new chair to put his feet up#can't use the other chair that has an ottoman right next to it#the chair is $500#she said that's practically nothing for a chair#I'm tired of complaining and i want to support myself#I'm so tired it's hard to get anything done#i don't want to see the doctor because it costs money and i don't want to be dismissed again#she says my sister doesn't call her and like. yeah. she's supported racism and my sister dates black men#i regret not talking to papaw again before he died so I'm still trying to talk to her#but man#it's hard#she has basically no concept of the world we live in anymore and gets most of her info from my conservative uncle and fox news#at a certain point. if it's going to make me cry. it's not worth it.#i feel like I'm trying so hard and not at all at the same time#i feel like I'm just complaining and not making anything better for myself so i just.... stopped talking to everyone I've been talking to#at the same time#'you can work' i am at a point where i cannot be awake for more than two hours without experience crushing fatigue#personal
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how are you color coded?
BLUE CODED
Blue, a study in wisdom, belief, and knowing when enough is enough. You know yourself best, but you know the way the world works even more. You've been wandering in this world a little too long, and maybe that's the problem. You're a wanderer, a vagabond, an oracle, and a prophet all the same. Who are you when the curtain call drops the last encore on you? Do you dance behind the scenes for a job well done or are you already planning your next show? Take a breather, for a moment. Enjoy what you've done, enjoy what you have, enjoy the world that you've been wandering for so long. This world is so much better when you realize that some of it is worth living for.
Tagged by: @rubbarband Tagging: @justiceburst (any muse), @fatexbound (Akihiko or Shinjiro), @as-above-rp (Kairi or Yue), @seesjoy, @trickstersshadow, @ofhope (Maruki), @oraclememehacker, @gentlemanthiief, and anyone wearing a t-shirt!
#ic#ic info#Kotone#((this feels on brand with what I've been seeing of Kotone through the game#especially the last part of 'some of this world is worth living for' and considering THE THEMES OF PERSONA 3 UHHHHH#I like the results for her on this one! it's very interesting!))
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thinking about how the people around me, particularly people i dont know anymore, impacted my fantasy setting. the raccoon people i added because of a friend who wanted to be a raccoon. goblins existing in the way that they do because of someone i still know who really likes a specific kind of goblin, and made me like them too. even minor things, like deciding that a character's eyes were gray because the person i was talking to also had gray eyes. there"s definitely a lot of me in there, but there's still little bits and pieces of others in there too
#a pretty significant plot point for one of my characters is heavily inspired by stuff my mom dealt with#i really hope i can properly convey the gravity of the topic. particularly with tact due to how poorly i've seen it handled#in my writing i try to approach any topic with the baseline amount of empathy that people deserve. i feel *a lot*.#i sincerely hope it comes through that i care so much about so much#a particularly hurtful exchange i recently had was me casually saying that i care about a lot of things and my grandpa almost accusitorily#asked “like what”#i'm generally pretty open about what's on my mind. i try to connect with people time and time again and so often do i get nothing in return#it makes it hard to go on. sometimes.#one day. i hope i'll meet someone who cares as much as i do. cares about me as much as i care about them.#if i meet even one it'll have all been worth it.#part of me feels like saying “i can't bear to live like this anymore”. but i can. and i have. i can bare a lot actually#i don't think i'd be alive if i couldn't#there's a lot wrong in the world right now. i can't bear to watch most of it. this of course makes me feel even more guilty#at the very least i've made a habit of clicking the arab dot org buttons daily. i can't handle watching but i can at least help.#in a small way. that is.#i definitely feel like i needed to get that out of my system. rambling is what i do. after all#i feel like i have an abnormally strong will to live. i remember coming very close to a suicide attempt once. the razor actually cut into my#wrist just a little bit. i very much wanted to die at that point. on an emotional level#but i just couldn't do it. i need to live. i just need to. it'll have all been worth it. eventually.#eventually.
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