#I��ve never felt so alive

[ariseur]

hi love!! i saw that your requests are open and im here to help🫡

can i request some red dead headcanons/blurbs? maybe what their affection/kisses are like? arthur, john, javier and charles are my pookies (especially charles oh my god i love him so so much) but i would love to hear your thoughts on anybody really!!

hope you’re doing well <3

AFFECTIONATE - VAN DER LINDE BOYS

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹ notes - for some reason i cannot post rdr2 with my manga headers or cutesy pink dividers it feels so off to me i have no idea why 😭 but thank you for sending this request in, i love it sooo much!’ it’s nice to see another charles lover in this fandom lolol— you take care as well!! 🫶

ᡣ𐭩ྀིྀི₊ ⊹ warnings - mentions of injuries in kieran’s and charles, kisses and kissing (?), hispanic!reader / spanish speaking!reader in mind for javier’s, intended lowercase, alcohol and drinking in sean’s, lmk if i missed anything!! 🫶

ARTHUR MORGAN who will put calloused hands around your waist when you’re alone in your tent at night, burrowing his nose in your hair as he lays behind you. you can smell his musk, the scent of the outdoors and faded linen, as it clings onto you with its tight grip and lingers. you don’t mind though, and neither does arthur; simply basking in your warmth as the crickets chirp in harmony with your soft exhales.

“‘ve missed you.” you say, your right hand crawling to interlock itself with his own draped over your waist as it fiddles with the soft skin there.

“missed y’too, darlin’.” you can feel his chest rumble with his voice, tone deep and gravelly from the lack of use. you let your eyes close as you savored the feeling of his hands caressing the small chub that gathered itself in his hands when he squished too much. you would give anything to have moments like these with arthur whenever you could.

JOHN MARSTON who’ll scoff as you pressed kisses along his face, sitting on his lap as the campfire graced your bodies with its warm glow. his affections held a more stand-offish tone to them but on the off occasional that he got a little too tipsy, you could never pry him off of you.

“if i’d’a known any better, i’d have thought you was in love wit’ me,” he huffed. regardless of his dumb comments, his hands never failed to find their way upon the dips of your hips, rubbing circles over the fabric of your clothes.

you bumped your head into his head as he chuckled, raspy voice rumbling throughout his chest as you halted your kisses and instead rested your head on his shoulder. your foot, bare and tapping against the ground in tune with the distant strums of javier’s guitar and karen’s drunken singing kept you grounded — kept you remembering that this was real, this was all real; and you were alive.

“why? you complainin’?”

you felt john’s cheeks widen with his grin. “naw,” was all he said.

two things that JAVIER ESCUELLA cherished most in this world were family and freedom; and he knew that he felt at peace knowing he had both of these things in that moment. you by his side, as neither of you had a care in the world. the sun glimmered and lazed around, taking its place on your backs and replacing the cool, dawn air with its heat. affection with javier is passionate and it’s scary, you never know what you’ll get or suffer the next day but it doesn’t matter — you persevere knowing you’ll find home in his arms a night more, you’ll live long enough to seek refuge and if you died in the process; it’d be okay knowing you died with who you loved.

deft fingers came to slide up and down the wooden fretboard along with his other hand plucking on the strings. you hadn’t realized you’d been staring until he peeked one eye open from under his bowler hat, a teasing smirk on his face as he mumbled, “no me miras con esos ojos, corazón.”

you rolled your eyes, “que quieres decir, javi?”

he hummed, he knew you knew what he meant — and you knew that he knew. but for now, you’d continue to stare, admiring your beloved that sat so prettily on that log; simply playing his guitar. he had his freedom, and he had his family right here.

loud laughs erupted from the obnoxious irishman known as SEAN MACGUIRE, a jug of alcohol in his hand and his darling in the other.

“i’m tellin’ ya, luckiest man alive—! they said they loved me, can y’believe it?” his accent only got thicker by the minute as he raved to everybody that walked by about how you had suddenly professed your love once more as you two sat on the barrel circling the rounded, wooden table. you smacked his arm to which he let out a rasping cackle. “shut up, will you?”

“ah, never. y’know ya love me,” he puckered his lips dramatically as you scoffed. giving him a chaste kiss, he groaned as you pulled away too quick before you went in deeper, seeing his eyes widen in shock before yours fluttered closed. he laughed out the side of his mouth before his hand, ever so gentle, buried itself in your hair. sean was a loud lover, one you’d typically be embarrassed by — but that only meant he loved you more than anything. a drunk man’s words is a sober man’s thoughts and he had you on his mind all the time.

CHARLES SMITH who’ll treat your wounds silently, as he always did except this time would be different. a tense silence would fill your tent other than murmured hisses and apologies due to the peroxide and other various natural remedies he preserved for your care. charles would always keep a level head, warning you not to go on jobs that micah would egg you on yet charles would always wait for you to return.

he never said anything during these times, charles loved silently. instead of telling you he loved you every second or having you on his lap like others, he’d bring you a trinket you remembered wanting from a storefront window or he’d take you out hunting with him; teaching you how to properly set up bait ( not in the reckless way that sean or bill would attempt to mansplain about ). he’d take care of you and he’d listen to you. so when you’d gasp and bite your fist from how badly he had to stitch your leg up, his hand would grab yours and bring it down to rest on your thigh — intertwining fingers as his thumb grazed over the crescent shaped marks your teeth left.

you really did love KIERAN DUFFY, seeing the way he’d try to puff his chest out when the guys at camp would look at you when really, he’d get all shy and blushy when you babied him. he wasn’t so used to this sorta thing, you know, relationships. everybody in camp looked at you like you were crazy, but they knew better than to tell that to you ( or him ), knowing they’d only get an earful from you about how sweet kieran really was.

you’d dress his wounds and in return, you’d find your horse prepped and groomed all pretty in the mornings — already fed and provided with water. and when you’d ask arthur or tilly, they’d always shrug and say, “must be that o’driscoll boy.”

you treated him with care, like no one had ever had, and that was the greatest gift in itself to kieran. he saw you as an angel, he’d even try telling you sometimes although backtracking a bit just to make sure you weren’t uncomfortable. kieran duffy’s affection was careful and nervous, stiff gestures presented to you although all of his worries melted away once he heard your sweet laugh. he didn’t know much about this stuff but that was okay, he’d learn just for you.

𐙚 taglist ; @ch3rryfiles @maskedteaser

𐙚 requests are closed — june twenty eighth, 2024

[rr311]

katsuki bakugo & izuku midoriya

↳ a.n ; i’m feeling a bit angsty tonight :3. also it’s like 11, I wrote this half awake so i’ll edit this when I can but enjoy. 🫦

katsuki | katsuki didn’t handle your death lightly. his whole attitude had took a heavy turn since your death. he’s gotten a lot more aggressive, more meaner, cold..he barley talked to kirishima or denki or anyone at most either ignoring them or giving them short answers. his temper has also gotten much shorter, he would snap even at the smallest things. the class knew katsuki was grieving over your death— everyone else was too but he wasn’t handling it very good. they knew where he was coming from, you both grew up with one another. you guys got into u.a together, you did everything together. you two had such an unbreakable bond, you were the fire that kept him going most of the times..but when that fire went out? so did he.

every night he had dreams about that day. you’re all bloody, laying in his arms with fatal wounds, as you took your final breaths. your last words..those last moments kept repeating constantly in his head, “I..I love you…ka—suki..” you kept that same smile on your face weven when death was consuming you. your hand resting weakly on his cheek as he shook his head shouting for you to keep your eyes open, his voice started to fade slowly away as you reached your time. the last thing he saw on your face was your perfect smile. what ate him up the most was the fact he never got to tell you he loved you back. that’s what’s eating him alive every-night. opening his eyes wide and big, panting heavily with tears coming down his face.

his hands in search for you but when he felt your cold side..it reminded him. you’re gone. you weren’t coming back. he couldn’t sleep half nights, going into classes with bags under his eyes.. more quieter than usual. no matter how much he thought about you, your smile, your pretty face..you weren’t coming back. sleepless nights he would try to hold back his tears to stay strong but he couldn’t. he missed you so fucking back..your dumb jokes, your annoying kisses, your pretty laugh?. all he had left of you was one part of your costume that wasn’t ripped to shreds, it was your scarf. as he held it in his hand he held it tight letting his muffle cry’s sink through the cold night.

Izuku | he didn’t handle it well. he stopped talking to everyone. ever since your funeral he hasn’t been the same, seeing you lay lifeless in front of his eyes deepened his heart into a dark place. he would barley eat, he would barley socialize, everyone was worried about Izuku but he would always say. “I’m fine!.” with a big smile on his face but they knew he wasn’t fine. he was grieving. heavily. throughout trainings he would push himself, overwork himself as he remembered your final moment where you died in his arms. costume torn, blood everywhere, seeping out of you as he tried to stop it. he tears hitting your face as you smiled weakly putting a hand on his cheek as he placed his on top of yours, “I-Izu—ku..” you said weakly, a choked gasp, “I’m here! I’m here..don’t go..please!.” he begged and begged, you could only smile so brightly at him, taking big breaths as your mind became fuzzy, “I-I will always..b..e with you..” his heart dropped more and more as his grip on you tightened shaking his head, putting more pressure on your wound. “don’t say that!you’ll be ok..y-you’ll be ok..” you gave an airy chuckle, “I..lo..ve you..Izu..ku..” those were your final words to him. his mind was clouded with that moment, still visualizing seeing your blooded body laying with him.

he was lost into his thoughts, he couldn’t hear what bakugo was trying to say to him, he just kept throwing an attack after an attack. his memory was fuzzing up with that exact moment, he couldn’t get it out of his head!. it was chewing him alive, he was angry, he was sad—. what seemed like forever to get ahold of Izuku he was snapped out of his thoughts by one of the welders speaking to him. when he realized what happened, he seen a shocked bakugo who didn’t say much but just look at him, he then looked at all might who looked worried. he slowly floated down, landing on the ground mumbling a small sorry, before rushing away from the training ground ignoring all mights call. he wasn’t his normal happy self, he went deep in a dark hole suffocating with this burden attached to him.

the burden of not being there to protect you from getting killed. his fist’s clenches against the piece of fabric that was left from your suit. it was still dirty and bloody from the battle, memories kept going through his head as he tried to not think about it but he couldn’t. the moment the first welder told him, “it’s ok to cry when you lose someone that you care for deeply. it’s ok to let go, izuku.” the tears he tried keeping locked away fell down his face, the fabric he held in his hand tightened as he broke down. you both practically grew up with each other, did everything together, when you died..he felt like a piece of him was gone. you were gone. no matter how many times he’s shouted for you to open your eyes…you weren’t coming back.

[shaykappa]

Favourite/Funniest Line's from Crooked Kingdom

"Let's go." "Me?" "No the idiot behind you."

"How is-" "Nina is fine. Jesper is fine. Everyone is fine except for me because I am stuck with a gang of hand-wringing nursemaids."

"Now why can't people be this easily trained?" Kaz murmured as he crouched to oblige the dog with a belly rub.

"Did you know I am next in line for the Fjerdan throne? They call me Princess Ilse of Engelsberg." "There is no princess of Engelsberg. It's a fishing town."

"Has anyone noticed this whole city is looking for us, mad at us, or wants to kill us?" "So?" "Well, usually it's just half the city."

"Big, blond and blind. The Fjerdan way."

"If I live I'll buy you waffles." "You don't have enough money to buy her waffles."

"Do you know what Van Eck's problem is?" "No honor?" "Rotten parenting skills?" "Receding hairline?"

"Isn't that how things are done around here? We all tell Kaz we are fine and the do something stupid?" "Are we that predictable?" "Yes."

"It seems everyone is forming alliances." "They're called friendships Kaz."

"You are very welcome Nina Zenik. You may repay me in the costumary way." "Waffles?" "Lots of them."

"I need to do this. I've never been to my mother's grave. I am not leaving Kerch without saying goodbye." "Trust me, you care more than she does."

"You are stupid about a lot of things Wylan, but you are not stupid. And if I ever hear you call yourself a moron again, I am going to tell Matthias you tried to kiss Nina. With tongue." "He' ll never believe it." "Then I 'll tell Nina you tried to kiss Matthias. With tongue."

"Come on, let's do steal all my dad's money. "Isn't it your money?" "Okay, let's go steal it back."

"I think you 'd flirt with a date palm if it would pay you any attention." "If I flirted with a plant, you can bet it would stand up and take notice."

"Yes, yes, Nina Zenik is hungry. Now, will someone feed me before I am forced to cook one of you?" "Don't be ridiculous. You don't know how to cook."

"On a dare I ate a literal through full of waffles and nearly went back for seconds."

"Pick up the pace." "If I spill a single drop of this it will burn straight through the floor onto my father's dinner guests." "Take your time."

"I am Dunyasha, the White Blade, trained by the Sages of Ahmrat Jen, the greatest assassin of this age." "Doesn't ring a bell."

"Fate brought me here." "And does fate pay your wages?"

"My parents thought I would drown because I crawled into the sea as a baby, laughing." "Perhaps they were worried you would talk yourself to death."

"Kaz. You may not be glad we are alive, but we are glad you are alive."

"You are better than waffles, Matthias Helvar." "Let's not say things we don't mean, my love."

"Are you mad?" "I'd probably be happier if I was."

"You have to be the craziest bastard I ever met." "I'll take that as a compliment."

"My leg! My leg!" "I recommend a cane."

"What is wrong with him?" "Same thing that's always wrong with him. He's Kaz Brekker."

Jesper followed Wylan down the hall. "Hey." Wylan kept going.

"Jes, I 've thought about this-" "Thought of me? Late at night? What was I wearing?"

Wylan ran his tongue over his lips and spat in his father's face.

He was pale, with tufty orange brows and a hunched posture that gave him the look of a giant shrimp.

He felt bad for the guy. Not bad enough to wake him up and untie him, but still.

"I 've been shot!" He had not been shot.

"How about I push you in the canal and we see if you know how to swim?"

"Tell you what. When the day comes, mark it on your calendars. I can think of a lot of people who 'll want to throw a party.

"Wait. Is my tie straight?"

[screaminglygay]

Warm welcome

pairings: kate bishop x fem!reader, avengers x reader (platonic)

summary: after 3 months of being gone, you finaly came back home, but there is a new addiction to the avengers, will the two of you come along?

warnings: new series so very very slow burn!, some swearing, bad grammar possibly (i hope not hehe), alcohol consumption, bad jokes, reader being little mess, that’s it for this part I think:)

word count: 5.5k

an: new series!! since i got back into being very obsessed with miss bishop, so i decided to start a new series, its gonna be long, cuz my ideas for this went crazy!

an2: and yes, this is an universe where everyone is alive, most of them are 100% happy and it´s just a safe space, come at me as you want, but i just need them to be happy. that´s all, thank you.

an3: yup i am back! so sorry! work, school and sickness is just not it. ill answer all of you soon! thank you for support, i see youuu!

!MDNI!

After long time away from you found family, you finaly came back home. It was supposed to be quick mission in Morocco, but after you found out that this is something bigger than some usual drug trafficking you had to stay. Not just for Fury´s sake, but for your own too.

And that´s how you stayed over 3 months in some old motel, that looked like a typical horror hounted house, alone. But that was a past, you´re currently standing infront of the main entrance of the Avengers Compound, ready to open the door and see everyone.

As you open the door the voice of a F.R.I.D.A.Y., the Stark´s AI. "Welcome home, miss (Y/L/N), should I contact the others that you are home?"

"No, no. I want it to be surprise. And (Y/N) is just fine, like I´ve said before, many times." you smile.

As you traverse the hallways, anticipation builds with every passing moment, knowing that you're drawing closer to that cherished destination—the main living room. The anticipation turns to a gentle excitement, a feeling of returning to a sanctuary that holds a piece of your soul.

And finally, as you reach the threshold of the living room, a soft sigh escapes your lips, and a smile graces your face. The sight of the familiar couch, but most importatnly the sight of your favorite people.

"That´s the question, do you put cereals or milk first?" you hear Pietro´s voice, smiling at the fact that he didn´t change a bit, still the same goof. Three months are not so long, but at the same time everything can be different in three months.

You watch him for a little bit and then you dediced to speak up. "Everyone who puts milk first is total psychopat," you calmly say as all of their faces turns to look at you.

"Oh my god! (Y/N)!" Pietro says and in a second he´s lifting you up and pulling you into a tight squeezing hug.

"Hey Speedy," you chuckle as he´s crushing your body. "Pietro... too much, ouch." He let go of you.

"Sorry, sorry. It´s been like what?" Pietro laughs and puts you down.

"3 motnhs, 17 days," you look at your phone, "4 hours, 18 minutes and few seconds." Pietro laughs at your comment.

"It was a long time, let´s just say that." You can hear another sokovian accent, this time the voice belongs to a woman. Wanda.

She hugs you close, hints of warm vanilla and soft lavender dance around you. It's a scent that feels like homecoming, wrapping you in familiarity and a sense of belonging. You smile into the touch, as you felt that the touch is soothing the ache of missed embraces. You feel the gentle warmth of her hug infusing into your being, fulfilling a longing for touch that has been starved for far too. "Hi." is all you can mumble, while hugging the girl.

"Hi," she mumbles back, no words needed for the two of you, both of you missed eachother like lungs misses the air. To be fair, Wanda was the first person you grew close to, when you´ve joined the Avengers. She was quiet, but so well spoken at the same time. You never had to explain things for her to understand you. And the same went the other way around.

The rest of the Avengers come into the living room and all of their faces lit up, when they saw you. All of them are here. Except for Carol, who is probably somewhere in the space, you haven´t seen her in almost half a year, since she had off world mission even before you went to Morocco.

You shared many hugs with all of them, and you didn´t mind it a little bit. You were so touch starved after being alone, that you hold everyone closer for at least a few seconds and all of them did the same. Suprisingly even Yelena didn´t said anything, like she always did.

You scan the whole room, chcecking if you didn´t missed anyone and you in fact did. But the person is not someone you recognize. There is this tall, dark hair girl, who looks pretty much the same age as you. She looks effortlessly stylish in her well-fitted blue jeans paired with a cozy gray sweater. The jeans accentuate her figure while the relaxed elegance of the sweater gives off a vibe of comfort. The girl looks rather awkward as everyone greets you. Not that she wouldn´t know who you are, she does, she heard a lot of stories about you, almost like she knew who you are, but you don´t know anything at all and that makes her feel awkward.

You look at her and smile, not knowing what to do yourself, so Clint steps in, "(Y/N), this is Kate, our new help, Kate this is (Y/N), our old help." You nod at Clint´s words and extent your hand for her to shake it.

"Pleasure to finaly meet you, (Y/N)." Kate smiles her hand has a firm grip.

"Nice to meet you too, Kate." You smile, maybe too much for a normal meeting. You have to admit she is georgous and her completly blue eyes are making you forget where you are right now.

"(Y/F/N)!" Natasha storms into the living room, her voice a sharp, controlled fury that cuts through the air, making you swallow... hard. "When did you arrived?" Even thoug she was mad for not knowing you came back, she was very relieved that you are okay and alive. As her hands wrap around you, you let out a squek and you froze knowing what comes afterwards. "Are you hurt?"

"I´m fine," you quickly say as the rest of the team watch you closely.

"I didn´t ask you, how are you, I´ve asked you if you´re hurt." Her eyes scans your face where she sees the little cuts you have on your face.

"A little bit." You mumble and Natasha raises her eyebrow. "I might have or might have not fallen out of the third floor, " you mumble again.

"YOU FELL FROM THE THIRD FLOOR?!" Natasha is basically yelling at you right now.

"Kinda," sometimes you were terrified of that woman, and that sometimes is now.

Natasha takes a long deep breath, "(Y/N), how do you kinda fell out of a third floor?"

"I´m gonna check her up." Bruce smiles and stand up, leading you to the hospital wing downstairs.

"Thank you, for saving my life," you whisper to him as you´re leaving the living room.

"Don´t mention it, but you know... she´s worried about you. We all have been." Bruce opens the door for you.

"I know, but I´m really okay, just few bruises."

...

After 20 minutes of checking you up, and hearing your story of falling from the building, Bruce looks shocked. He didn´t said a word yet, only wrote down something in his report.

"This is going to be a very long mission report, just from the medical side," he looks at you, "(Y/N)... you had your lower ribs broken, twice actually. And- I´m suprised you´re not screaming in pain right now. How do you truly feel?" Bruce finally looks at you.

"I feel good, really. I mean it hurts, yes. But I felt worse. It feels like a daily workout with Natasha," you shrug as you joke, but Bruce doesn´t seem amused by your joke, but he still nods.

"You know Natasha can look into any mission report, right?" He looks like he´s more scared than you are.

"I´m aware, yes." You give him a confused look.

"Well good luck..." he pats your shoulder, "just rest for the next days, keep yourself hydrated and don´t share the story how you fell from the third floor, please. She would lose it."

"But it truly wasn´t my fault I-" Bruce looks at you and you stop, "got it." You nod.

...

"Alright, so picture this: I'm in this quiet little motel in Morocco, writing down some information I found out that day. It's just me, the mission, and this cute little stray cat that kept showing up at my door. Every night, like clockwork, she'd appear, almost like she knew I needed a friend. So, one day, I caved and let her in. You know, against all mission protocols and stuff. Bla blah blah... but she became my only friend, so I would not lose my mind completly." You talk about your experiences on the mission.

"And then, the weirdest thing happened. One day, she just disappeared. I was worried, you know? Felt a bit empty without her there. But on my last day, she came back. And guess what? She brought company—tiny, adorable company. She led me to this corner, and there they were, her little kittens. It was like she wanted to say goodbye and show me her new family all at once. It was… unexpected, but kinda touching, you know?" You smile, thinking about the tiny family.

"It was truly cute and adorable, also it was kinda relaxing after seeing all the bad and negativity. Like... animals are truly precious you know." As you´re talking you didn´t notice another person coming into the living room, until that person decides to speak up.

"(Y/L/N)," you turn around and notice it´s Nick Fury himself.

"Fury!" You smile.

He didn´t smile back, he has the same old Nick Fury look, "I want your report soon..."

"Y-yes, sir." You nod your head, hoping he would welcome you a little warmer, but it´s Nick Fury after all.

"And (Y/L/N)?" Fury says while basically walking out of the living room already.

"Yes, sir?"

"It´s good to have you back." He smiles, Fury smiles at you. There go your wish of a warmer welcome. Nickolas freaking Fury smiled at you and welcomed you home, warmly.

You have a pround smile on your face, when Tony speaks up, "I work for him for god knows how long and he never looked at me this way..."

Natasha looks at Tony and smirks, "can you blame him?".

You sink into the couch with a grin, finally getting a chance to unwind in your home-away-from-home. After swapping stories and catching up on compound news, Tony steps in with a suggestion—a special Avengers night. Not his typical flashy party, thankfully. He calls it a "Catching Up Night," just a laid-back dinner and some drinks.

It's not about going all out; it's about the simple pleasure of hanging out with your superhero pals, sharing laughs and updates. Tonight's vibe feels relaxed, a chance to chill and connect without the whole party frenzy.

...

Like always druing these 'non party party' you and Pietro moved to the bar section, as he loves to make people their drink based on their personality and you just like to sit and listen to him ramble.

"Do you want a drink called 'Tiny cold' or 'Closet paradise'?" he smirks, being proud of his jokes, like the usual.

"Really? First of all I´m not that tiny, also I´m not in the closet. What do you want me to do, tattoo a pride flag on my forehead?" You raise your eyebrow.

"If it wasn´t true you wouldn´t get so defensive, darling," he winks.

"I hate you."

"No, you don´t." Pietro towers above everyone you know, his playful teasing is basically a form of big-brotherly teasing.

"I´ll get the closet paradise, please." You roll your eyes.

"Coming right at ya!" Pietro smiles, once again, he won your little fight.

"So, Pietro, spill the beans! Who's this new girl, Kate?"

"Ah, Kate, huh? What do you want to know about her?" Pietro say while making you the drink.

"Everything! No one's given me a straight answer. Or any answer at all. I mean I didn´t ask, but I´m doing that now..." You ramble.

Pietro smirks at your words, "I mean... she´s cool."

"Come on, Pietro, don't be like that! Is she nice? What does she do?" You are obvoisuly frustrated as not even Pietro is giving you any tea.

"Well, she's got moves, that's for sure. Quick on her feet, sharp with her arrows—" He almost finishes up the drink for you.

"Arrows?" You cut him off.

"Yep, a regular Robin Hood type, except with better aim and a cooler outfit." He put ice in the glass.

"Is she nice, though? Friendly?" You want to get to know her.

Pietro nods and serves you the drink. "Yeah, she's cool once you get past the whole 'I'm new here' vibe she's got going."

"What do you mean?" You smile at him for giving you the drink.

"Why don´t we invite her and you find out yourself?" Pietro says, not really waiting for your answer and he is already waving like a crazy person at Kate, who is still standing next to the table by herself.

Kate smiles as she notices, that she doesn´t need to stand there awkwardly alone, and she little less awkwardly skips over to the bar. Small "hi" escaping her mouth.

"Hey there archer, why were you standing there all alone, when you can have fun with us?" Pietro starts the conversation.

"I uh-" Kate starts, but no smart explanation leaves her mouth.

"Pietro..." you look at him.

"What?" He looks at you, not knowing what he did wrong.

"No, he´s right. I´m little socialy awkward." The tall girl responds.

You smile at her, slightly noding your head. "Aren´t we all?" You try to make her feel a little better.

"I´m not." Of course Pietro had to say something.

"Well you´re one of a kind, Speedy." Pietro smirks proudly, while you roll your eyes once again.

"Um... what are you drinking?" Kate nods towards your drink in your hand. It was indeed very pretty colorful drink.

"I am drinking a drink that Pietro made..." You say while looking at the drink in your hand.

"The drink has it´s name, (Y/N)." Pietro smiles innocently.

"Yeah, well... I forgot it." You simple just shrug while Kate looks very confused.

"I´ll get one too, please. It looks tasty." Kate looks at Pietro, who just giggles to himself and starts to prepare Kate one 'Closet paradise' too.

All three of you start to be a little tipsy after some time, since Pietro´ alcohol ratio was 2/3 and the remaining ingredients 1/3, he´s just a begginer behind the bar. You realized that Kate is such an easy person to talk to and she´s not that intoverted as you though the first time you saw her earlier today. She´s the exact opposite to be fair, she´s very talkative. In some topics more than Pietro, which you thought is impossible.

After a little bit you excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, when you sit down on the toilet, you can´t hide your stupid little smile anymore. Why are you smiling? You don´t really know. But it´s nice, it´s really nice actualy.

After 10 minutes, you come back to the bar, seeing that Kate is sitting there alone. "Where is our bartender?"

"He was invited to an arm wrestling match and, of course, he went." You can notice, that Kate´s cheeks are a little flushed, due to the few drinks she had.

"Of course." You chuckle as you sit next to Kate on one of the bar stools and your eyes immedietly look at her. "Do you like it here? Being in the team? Superhero stuff?"

Kate´s eyes meet yours, "I do have to say, that I idolized it a bit, but it´s not so bad. Not at all." She smiles at you, "what about you? Was it hard being away from your family?"

You nod, "First two weeks were okay, it went suprisingly fast, to be honest. Another week was really boring and then... it´s just mashed in one big mess of fighting, bleeding, falling and running away." You chuckle, but the smile never reached your eyes and Kate notices that.

Kate knows that she needs to make you feel better, "I uh... you know people here missed you a lot. To be honest when i officially joined I felt like there is something missing in here.."

"Oh please..."

"No, no, really. When I moved in, Clint told me that no one gives better tours than you. He also told me that no one makes better coffee´s, which was a first big indicator, that you have to be a class." Kate let out a chuckle and so did you. You often had many stories to tell, when you were giving tours, even though you are the second youngest Avanger. And the coffee you make? It can bring a smile even to the grumpiest Winter Soldier.

"And from that moment I heard a lot of things about you, (Y/N). It felt like I knew you too, like I missed you too." Kate admits, after that she sips on her drink.

"Wow, that´s really... nice to hear." You smile from ear to ear. "I hope you heard only the good things though." You slightly blush. "But um... thank you, Kate."

"No problem." She smiles back.

"To be fair, I didn´t heard anything about you, but I would like to change that." Smooth.

"That is pretty fair." Kate nods as she finishes her drink and so did you.

"We can go to the roof." Is a sentence you said at the same time and you also laugh at the same time

"Roof it is." You chuckle as you two get up and aim to the roof.

Upon reaching the rooftop with Kate, a gentle but brisk breeze sweeps by, causing a subtle chill to settle around you. The evening's tranquility is undeniable, yet the slight coldness in the air prompts you to huddle a bit closer to yourself, silently wishing for an extra layer to ward off the chill.

"I don´t want to admit it, but Pietro makes really good drinks." Kate starts as you two sat next to eachother.

"He does, he´s the best, really." You mumble as you nod to Kate´s comment.

She looks at you, for a bit scanning your face, then she speaks up again. "Do you and... Pietro you know? Are you two together?"

That question almost makes you sober, "I- what?!" You look at her, "oh god no! No, no, no," you laugh.

"No? Oh sorry, I just... assumed." She lets out a little shaky breath.

"We´re close friends, but that´s all. I actually joined a little bit after them and since all of us were scared and going into the unknown we decided to stick together. Including Wanda." You explain the situation, while Kate nods at your words.

"Oh- I see." Her eyes are still on you.

"I wouldn´t choose Pietro in any scenario..."

"That´s harsh." She chuckles.

"I mean it in the best way possible, he´s... anyone who will date him is lucky and unlucky at the same time. Being his friend means having a strong willpower not to kill him, I can´t even imagine what it would be in a relationship with him."

"That´s fair, I guess." Kate nods.

"Give him few more moths and you´ll understand..." You let out a small giggle.

"So you´re not into cocky people?" Kate is bold, very bold. it shocks you, but at the same time it excites you a lot.

"I- don´t really know. I guess... if you´re nice to me, that´s all I´m asking, really." You shrug, once again making eye contact.

"Wait really? This little? Oh come on, not even type? Just 'Nice'?" Kate can´t believe your words.

"Yup. I´m not picky at this point."

"Oh wow, you´re one of the migty heroes, and all it takes to steal your heart is to be nice?" Kate smiles at you, trying to hold a laugh.

"And a good smile, I´m quite sucker for pretty smiles." You didn´t even register you said it, until Kate repeats it.

"Nice and a good smile, whoa (Y/N), be little humble." She nudges your side with her elbow.

"Very funny, Bishop. Do you know how hard is to find someone, who is actually nice? It´s hard these days." You sigh dramatically.

"Whatever you say." Kate lays down, looking at the stars. You watch her for a few minutes and then you lay down next to her.

It feels like you two know eachother longer than just few hours. The alcohol might be a little helper, but at the end you feel like you two are gonna be close friends.

"I still think that there is way more good people than bad, so you might have a chance..." she mumbles as she watches the night sky.

"You think?"

"I know that. For example here, all of you guys are nice, super nice. And I´m not saying it just because you´re 'The Avengers', but I can tell that no matter what you´re trying to do the best." Kate turns her head and looks at you.

"You know you´re part of this punk family too, right? And also it would be weird and kinda pointless, if some bad guys were in the Avengers." You chuckle as you point out.

"That´s not what I´ve meant and you know it." She rolls her eyes and looks back up.

"How did you even met Clint?" You ask, shifting your position so now you´re laying on your side, facing the archer.

"Um... I saved a dog´s life and he almost hit me with his car." Kate responds like it was nothing.

You laugh, "I have to say that is very original way to get into the team. 'You almost killed me and I won´t sue you, if you let me be an Avenger.' And bonus points for saving a dog´s life."

Kate groans and turns on her side to face you, "it was not like that... I was running away from a weird kinda scary looking guys, which later on I found out they were called 'Track-suit mafia'-" As Kate starts to explain how she actually got on the team and how she is basically the young and female version of Clint, you can´t help but notice how happy she is.

She's delving into these tiny details that might not matter to the story at large, but they mean the world to her, and you can sense it. Her storytelling consumes her so much that she's using her entire body, mostly her hands, to illustrate every bit of it. You find it incredibly endearing, the most adorable thing you've ever witnessed.

"Oh wow, so you´re badass basically." You laugh.

"I- yeah, you could say that too." She laughs as well.

"Well it is a honor and-" you sit back up, while you still look at her. "Thank you for your service, miss Bishop."

Kate smile and notices your subtle shivers in the chilly air, gently nudging you. "Hey, you're shivering. Come on, let's head back inside."

You attempt to brush it off with a weak smile. "Nah, I'm good, just enjoying the view."

She tilts her head, giving you a knowing look. "Sure, you are," Kate teases. "But seriously, you're freezing. Let's go before you turn into an icicle."

Reluctantly, you nod, giving in to the undeniable truth. "Alright, fine."

The door creaked open, welcoming you into the comforting embrace of the heated indoors. With a grateful smile, you thanked Kate for her concern, secretly relieved to escape the biting cold.

"There you are! Where have you been?" A slightly drunk Tony takes your hand, "thanks to me, being so amazing, I´ve got a little suprise for you!"

"I was- what surprise?" You give Stark a confusing look.

"It was not thanks to you, but Fury." As soon as the voice echoes through the room, you instinctively recognize it—Carol, immediately drawing your attention her way.

"Carol?!" You turn around and notice a tall blonde lady standing behind you, with her hair down and a black pants with a black tank top.

"I heard you came home." She said with her typical smirk, while her big strong hands wrapped your body. You simply just nod.

"How long will you stay?" You knew right away, that it won´t be for long.

"Just tonight, I´ll be leaving tomorrow early in the morning." You sigh, it was like this all the time, Carol will come and go, you didn't hold it against her at all. She is the protector of the whole space, not only The Earth. It was hard for her too, you hoped that she will remeber to be Carol for a bit, not only the Captain Marvel. And thanks to Valkyrie, she´s taking care of herself too, but after what happened to Monica, it became worse again.

"So still nothing?" Carol just shakes her head and you frown.

"But we won´t stop looking and we will find her." Carol is trying to be strong, but all of the people in this room knew, that it was just too much, even for a hero like her.

Trying to ease the situation you speak up. "Well then let´s ejnoy this few hours, all of us together." You smile, "I´m glad you´re home too, Car." She nods and smiles back at you.

"Natasha have mentioned, that you had fallen from third floor..." Carol sits down.

"You never finished that story, (Y/N)." The Widow stares at you and your eyes immedietnly search for Bruce, he only shakes his head.

"Oh um... it is not worth telling, nothing special nor interesting." You smile and quickly grab bunch of chips on the table.

Captain Marvel looks at Natasha and nods, "I see," and with a smirk on her face, she sips from her drink. "One would say, that it would be an interesting story to tell." Carol point out.

"Well it´s not." You take some more chips.

The night flowed seamlessly, filled with lively conversations and shared laughter as everyone talked and truly enjoyed themselves. It was one of those evenings where every conversation was engaging, every joke landed perfectly, and the camaraderie among the Avengers felt stronger than ever.

…

As you wait for the elevator to your room, you can´t help but smile. After a long day, today was really good. After you reached your room it didn’t took you long enough to fall asleep.

...

"MY BEST FRIEND CAME HOME AND NO ONE TOLD ME?!" You hear a voice yell at you. Before you can open your eyes, your hit with what felt like pillow.

"Huh?!" You blink a few times to get use to the light in your room.

"WHEN DID YOU CAME? HOW LONG ARE YOU HERE-" Now it was your turn to take the pillow and throw it at the person. As you finaly focus you notice that it´s Spider-boy himself.

"What time is it?" You mumble, still being half asleep.

"6 A.M. BUT WHY DID NO ONE TOLD ME YOU´RE-" And he is hit with another pillow.

"Don´t yell, please," you rub your eyes.

"You´re not happy to see me?" Peter sits next to you on the bed.

"I'm excited to see you, but maybe not with the yelling and at a more reasonable hour than 6 freaking A.M. I'll be much happier." You smile as you open your arms, inviting him into a nice early morning hug.

"Why did no one told me you´re back? I´m always the last one to know things." Peter whines dramatically as he pulls away from the hug.

"Well Tony told me you went with MJ and May on a dinner, so that´s why he didn´t want to ruin it." You shrug, "Anyways how are things with you and MJ?" You raise your eyebrow and he blushes a bit.

"Things are good, really really good, (Y/N). And yesterday dinner with May was really good, we all had fun." You smile at his response.

"I´m really glad." You are happy for you friend, it took him ages to finally confess to her. "Do you.. uh do you know Kate?" You look at him as Peter nods his head, "well... I met her yesterday, and we had a little converstaion on the roof and... she is nice. Really nice. Clint chose a good person" You say with a little blush on your face.

"Oh my god- is she like really really really nice?" He teases.

"Yeah..." You smile, knowing that Peter got your message.

"That is cute. (Y/N) (Y/L/N) has a crush. Awww." Peter chuckles.

"Eww stop. I don´t know if it´s a crush, maybe it is... but you- " Peter cuts you off.

"Can´t tell anyone. Got it. Don´t worry. But under one condition..." Peter points up a finger.

"And that will be?"

"You have to talk to her, actually talk to her. Not just you´re super topic about the weather." You always talked to people about weather, when there was nothing else to do and you were dying to save the conversation.

"Easy." You smirk.

Spider-boy raises his eyebrows, "Easy? Let me bet, that you you will forget your own name when she looks at you."

"Oh shut up." You get out of the bed, taking just some oversized hoodie, since you already have a black swetapants and a shirt. "And since you woke me up this early, you´re making me a breakfast." Peter just nods as you two walk into the elevator.

...

When Peter starts to make you some pancakes, Carol walks in.

"There you are! I´m leavin for now, but-" You didn´t let her finish, you just rush to give her a warm long hug.

"I know. Just be careful and don´t forget to take care of yourself." The blonde one smiles.

"Copy that. So... see you later?"

"See you later, Cap." You salute her, which makes her laugh. And with that, Carol went into the skies once more and this time you hope you will see her sooner than in 6 months. The sentence 'see you later' is always better than a goodbye.

As you and Peter swap stories, reliving the adventures and crazy story times. Before he can finish his story about training with Bucky, a dark-haired girl strolled in, catching your attention.

"Morning." She smiles at you and then looks at Peter. Her raspy deep morning voice, messy hair and gray sweatpants with a white tanktop is something no one prepered you for.

"Hi, hello, morning, good- one!" Kate smile just widens and she goes past you to the fridge to get a fresh orange jucie.

Peter leans in closer and mumbles. "You owe me 10 bucks," having the most arrogant smile on his face. You just slap his arm.

"Can I get some pancakes too, please?" Kate watches as Peter flips another one on the plate.

"Of course!" He starts to make a few more, until he looks at his phone, "oh no! I completly forgot. (Y/N) watch the pancakes. I have to go, but you ladides have a good morning!" Peter gives you his spatula and even though Kate just nods and sits down, you know what his plan is.

"Bye Peter." You stare at him, but deep down you´re glad that you can spent some alone time with the archer.

He just sends you a wink and leaves the room.

"Need any help with the toppings?" Kate asks, watching you finish the rest of the pancakes.

"N-no, I've got it. I mean, I can handle it. Thank you, though."

Kate chuckles softly, noticing your nervousness. "You seem a bit flustered. Everything alright?"

"Yeah, yeah, just... morning jitters, I guess. I'm not a morning person."

"I see." She smiles.

"Do you have any plans for today?" You look up from the pan.

"Just the usual, a bit of training, maybe some archery with Clint later." Kate asnwers as you put some pancakes infront of her. As Kate tries the pancakes, you feel a sense of relief mixed with a tinge of excitement.

"The pancakes turned out pretty great! Anyway, how about we plan something fun for later? Maybe a movie night?" Kate say while finishing her last piece.

"Sounds perfect! I'd love that, Kate." Oh maybe early mornings are not so bad.

...

Over the next month, the bond between you and Kate flourishes, evolving into a deep and cherished friendship. Training sessions become a shared routine, where sparring sessions turn into moments of encouragement and laughter, each victory and defeat strengthening the relationship between you. Kate's guidance and support during training sessions spark a newfound confidence within you, making each session not just about physical exertion but also about trust and shared goals.

Movie nights become a beloved tradition, the occasional heated debate over the best movie snacks were on daily basis. It's these moments, cozy and intimate, where you find yourself drawn further into the orbit of Kate's infectious personality, her laughter becoming the soundtrack of your nights.

Walking Lucky, Kate's faithful companion, becomes a cherished routine. You find comfort in these quiet moments, admiring Kate's easygoing nature and her love for Lucky, feeling your admiration for her grow stronger with each passing day.

Yet, as your friendship blossoms, so do the feelings within you. What started as little crush has transformed into something deeper, a warmth that lingers whenever you're near Kate, a longing that grows with each shared laugh and meaningful glance. But you bury these feelings deep, treasuring the friendship too much to risk changing its dynamics.

thank you for reading! hopefully you’ll love this new series!!! 💕💖💞

[finniestoncrane]

If you're still taking requests for the nsfw kinks please can I get:💣 - corruption: “and you said you’d never be caught dead doing anything like this. sounded like you were very much alive and enjoying it though” for Hancock? Thank Youuu

Hancock x GN!Reader, word count: 700 talk about corruption lmaoooo i'd be walking up to people with a geiger counter and asking them to swipe it over my lower half like "yeah guess what i've just done" ANYWAY i didn't go so literally, i wanted john to have some fun corrupting some diamond city sweetheart, so this ended up a lot more romantic than smutty (sorry!!) ☢️ request info • prompt list • send me a request • kofi • masterlist minors DNI!! 🔞 cw: penetrative sex, drugs mentioned, corruption, scent kink/marking kink, licking

It was less a way of consuming your body and more a method of marking, you realised, as Hancock's tongue dragged along the side of your neck once more. Almost every inch of you had been coated in his saliva, where he'd started at your toes and worked his way up, making brief stops along the way at the places he knew would send a tingle down your spine. It was careful, a level of expert employed in the seductive tasting that had all of your skin prickled with gooseflesh, hairs standing on end, moisture almost drained as your torso and face glistened with sweat and your cunt dripped in your slick.

The sounds he made, the appreciative moans, as though he were dining on fresh cram, something from before, something new and decadent, were enough to bring you as close to the edge as you could get. It only took a mischievous chuckle, his tongue pressed against the shell of your ear, fingers stroking slowly, deftly, over your clit, before you were trembling beside him, body contorting in ecstasy as you came.

As you came back down to Earth, bliss oozing from your skin, on your breath, scenting the air around you, you felt his arms pull you close. He was warm, his skin still dry despite the frantic rutting that had you sweating and which was now coating you in a clammy, chill susceptible layer. Sensing the drop in your temperature, he reached to the floor, producing his shirt which he wrapped you in.

"You'll smell like me now. Like Good Neighbour."

"And?"

You asked, but you knew what he was trying to say without using direct words. You were raised quietly, properly, in Diamond City. Wealthy assholes as parents. A desire to rebel had brought you to Good Neighbour, swearing that you were only there for a drink. Only there to experience life outside of the green walls. You and the friends you had travelled with giggled, excitement bounding through your bodies as you watched the people, so different to you, living their lives. One of your group made a comment about the bodies, what they'd feel like. Of course, you protested, you'd never go as far as to be with a synth or a ghoul. That was wrong. You'd been told that your whole life, and despite not believing it at your core, it was still a rule that had been hammered home often enough that you still couldn't imagine yourself breaking it.

"Not even him?"

They'd pointed towards the man, the ghoul, in the corner. His long red frock coat a symbol of his status amongst the rest of the drifters in the town. There was an energy to him, but you could hear the distaste, the disgust in your parents tone.

You had protested, and Hancock had overheard you, finding it a suitable challenge for the evening. It hadn't taken him long to woo you, and you'd found yourself quickly back in his quarters, his guards standing by the door, sneaking glances as their mayor railed the smooth skinned newcomer. A triumph over Diamond City.

Drawing you back to the present, hours after your first encounter, when you were so quickly infatuated and bedded by the charismatic mayor of the town you had snuck into, Hancock took a deep breath and pulled you in closer.

"And you said you'd never be caught dead doing anything like this, huh? Sure sounded like you were very much alive and enjoying it."

"More alive than I've ever been."

Your response was quiet, thoughtful, as you let the experience settle over you. Hancock spoke softly in return.

"They'll smell me on you. You can't go back to Diamond City now."

"Well, what do you suggest I do?"

He shifted himself in the bed beside you, sitting with his back against the wall as he reached into the bedside table for one of the red inhalers you'd seen scattered around the place. With your head against his abdomen, you looked up at him, waiting for his answer.

"Stay here. With me. You give me another ten minutes and some jet and I'll be good to go for another round. We'll make a good neighbour of you yet, princess."

[crumbledcastle28]

Joel Miller: Birthday Boy

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (afab; she/her)

Excerpt: He was so golden, so smooth yet smothered in moles that you’d kissed and purple marks from your teeth. So perfect. So yours. Your lips parted, craving the taste of his skin once again. You recalled his statement from the night before.

“Wake me up with your mouth, baby,” he whispered into your hair. “Drown me with it.”

How could you say no to the birthday boy?

You set both coffee mugs on the side table, rubbing your hands together to keep the leftover heat from the steam alive, and slid your way back to the position you were in before. His breaths remained steady and a big part of you just wanted to let him sleep. He never got enough, with money and providing for Sarah always on his mind, and maybe that would be the best thing for him.

Drown me with it.

Maybe not.

Warnings: SMUTTT, oral sex female receiving, joel has a giving kink @ me, mentions of Sarah (RIP), allusions to the end of the world.

A/N: So much Joel Miller content, I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t think I’ve ever been happier. I hope you enjoy.

2.3k

If you’d like to leave a like, comment, ask, or reblog, it would be much appreciated <3

Pedro Masterlist

(GIF credit to owner, please let me know if it’s yours)

You awoke to the taste of him still on your tongue—it was practically still drooling down your chin—and the warmth of his naked body draped across your frame. Your eyes were puffed and cloudy and your hips felt yellowed and sore, giving you flashbacks of the night previous.

Open your pretty mouth, darlin’.

Fuckin’ shit, this wet already?

Easy now, we got all night.

Ride me till I’m numb, baby.

You closed your eyes in bliss and whispered to yourself in a sing-song tone, “happy birthday.”

His small snores and hot breaths against your earlobe showed he didn’t hear you. He wasn’t meant to. He was meant to stay asleep—deep asleep—until you decided otherwise.

You were tempted to stay there, in his arms, forever. With his woody-cinnamon scent wrapped around you, his permanent scowl softened into an almost-smile, and his body slack against your own. This was Joel Miller—not the one lessened to a struggling carpenter, a single parent, or a lonely man—this was the whole Joel Miller. The true Joel Miller.

This was your Joel Miller.

You smiled at him, letting your eyes serpentine and circle around him for as long as you could, before pressing the softest kiss to his cheekbone. You barely pressed your lips to the hairs that coated it. You hummed to yourself, unable to prevent that sweet sound of pleasure whenever your lips touched his skin, and slowly started scooting your way out from underneath him. Your body screamed at you to stop, stay awhile, never leave, but you persevered.

He was so out he barely twitched.

You laughed to yourself as you found your footing on the cold, grey-carpeted floor. Your fingers twitched to comb through his hair, map out his body, or reach downwards to the sweet spot of your own at what a vision he was, but you somehow managed to continue on.

A midnight-black Henley of his had been discarded at some point in the night, likely thrown across the room by your own hands, and you threw it over your bare body as well as fresh underwear before making your way down to the kitchen. Joel always joked how your stealth was a wasted talent of yours.

I know who I’d ally with in an apocalypse, Tommy would joke.

Idiots.

You made your way to Joel’s most prized possession—his coffee-maker—and threw in his favorite brand of beans. Despite drinking plain black, he did have a taste for higher quality arabica. He would have never bought it for himself.

“Present number one,” you whispered to yourself as the smooth steaming liquid made its way into his rough coffee cup. It was old, chipped, and on the verge of shattering, yet still his favorite. You wondered what that said about him.

You set his aside and made a small cup of your own—adding plenty of cream and sugar thank you very much—and made your way back up the stairs, taking little sips as you walked. Sarah’s room was still locked shut and it was still plenty dark outside.

Good.

Your toes pressed onto the carpet again as you walked back to your side of the bed, and Joel had not moved an inch. His lower half remained swaddled in blankets, while his upper half…

…fuck.

He was so golden, so smooth yet smothered in moles that you’d kissed and purple marks from your teeth. So perfect. So yours. Your lips parted, craving the taste of his skin once again. You recalled his statement from the night before.

“Wake me up with your mouth, baby,” he whispered into your hair. “Drown me with it.”

How could you say no to the birthday boy?

You set both coffee mugs on the side table, rubbing your hands together to keep the leftover heat from the steam alive, and slid your way back to the position you were in before. His breaths remained steady and a big part of you just wanted to let him sleep. He never got enough, with money and providing for Sarah always on his mind, and maybe that would be the best thing for him.

Drown me with it.

Maybe not.

You leaned forward and breathed in the skin on his neck before placing a faint kiss on his pulse. You then moved to his adam’s apple, kissing up to his chin. He stirred a bit, unconsciously pulling you closer to him, and you kissed around his mouth. You pressed one more kiss to his hairline, his hair soft and ruffled from your own fingers, before he whispered incoherently.

“Hm?” you asked, bringing your mouth inches away from his.

“I said—” but he was interrupted by your lips on his.

You parted them quickly and deeper the kiss, tugging him close to you with your hand on the back of his head, and his large hands molded against your hips. You teased him with your tongue just enough for him to tilt your head back for more, but you pulled away.

“Happy birthday.”

He grinned and worked his right hand up to your face, framing it. “Thank you.”

You smiled brightly before sitting up completely and grabbing both coffees. He sat up with you, making himself comfortable leaning his back on the bed frame, and took the mug you handed him eagerly. He immediately sipped it and hummed, closing his eyes.

“You didn’t,” he whispered, his accent in full force.

“I did,” you whispered back, and sipped your own.

“These beans are over ten bucks.”

“I know,” you responded, and took another long sip. “This is present number one.”

“Number one?” he questioned with a laugh. “How many are there?”

You only smiled back at him, enjoying his questioning look.

The two of you proceeded to sip your coffee in silence—enjoying the slowly rising sun, the birds chirping, the wind blowing, and the creaks and groans of the house. Joel took his time, drinking his coffee slowly instead of chugging it as he ran from the house, and he enjoyed every sip.

Finally, he broke the ice. “Darlin’, since when did you have clothes on?”

You laughed enough to make your eyes crease before saying, “Since I went to make you coffee this morning with the risk of Sarah coming downstairs to use the bathroom.”

He chuckled and took one last sip, finishing his cup completely, and you took the cup from him to place it on the nightstand. He mumbled a quick “thank you” before you did, a grateful look in his eye, but once you turned back around, the chocolate in his caramel eyes had completely taken over. The rising sun illuminated their darkness that much more.

“I don’t think you’re understandin’ me,” he whispered, and the look in his eye suddenly made sense. Arousal rolled over you like a wave, and a smirk made its way to your face.

“Am I not?” you questioned, lowing your voice exactly how he liked it. The ink in his eyes was beginning to drip down to his body language—tense, itching to touch and unravel you.

“You’re not,” he said, and leaned closer, close enough for you to feel his hot breath on the skin of your collarbone. “I want them off.”

He kissed your collarbone and neck, reaching his hand underneath his own fabric to meet his calloused hand with your soft skin, and you smiled. “It’s your birthday. Take what you want.”

You didn’t have time to think before his mouth met your own.

He quickly took the mug still in your hands and leaned over you—mouth still claiming yours—to set it on the nightstand. He then took the opportunity pin you fully to the bed. His tongue fully mapped your mouth now and you whined at his taste—black coffee, morning, and the residue of you. He likely tasted the same thing on you.

“Gotta stay quiet,” he whispered, slipping your shirt completely off. “I do have a model of responsibility to set.”

You laughed into his mouth. “How’s that going?”

He laughed with you and kissed you again, feeling you everywhere. You took the chance to feel him up too, dragging your nails up his chest and over his back, through his hair, and across his scruffed face. His facial hair always tickled at the very least and burned at the very most. This morning, your face felt a bit of both.

He was kissing you so good and your head was so lost in all of it that you almost missed when he mumbled, “Let me try somethin’.”

He pulled away completely to look at you. Your eyes were blissed out, your lips were tingling, and your brain was absolutely reeling. He smiled down at you, likely because of how out of it you looked. “What?”

“Let me try somethin’,” he mumbled again, kissing down your face and to your chest. You closed your eyes and breathed erotically at the feeling of him all over you. Everywhere. “I’ve gotta eat somethin’ after my coffee, don’t I?”

Your eyes widened to saucers. You sat up, putting your weight on your elbows, and met his eyes. He was now hovering over your lower stomach. “Joel, you don’t have—”

“It’s my birthday,” he whispered with a kiss to your midsection. “I want this. I’ve wanted this for a while.”

You and Joel had been together for a while, longer than a while, and the sincerity in your feelings for one another had only grown with each passing day. You had started spending nights at his house, he had started spending nights at yours, and you had met his daughter a few months ago. You had even started spending weekends with Joel and Sarah as a way to get to know her better and test the dynamic which, so far, had been smooth sailing. She had obviously enjoyed your company, even asking you to stay at their house throughout the week. You and Joel were becoming serious, very serious.

And yet, he hadn’t done this for you before. He had offered it before, but you had always wanted to suck him off instead. It seemed that today, he knew what he wanted.

Your pants started getting more infrequent with even the thought of him doing this to you. You wanted it badly. His cocky grin showed you that he knew that too.

“Don’t you want me to take care of you today?”

His grin only expanded. “Do you seriously think I won’t come from this?”

And with that, he pulled your underwear down your body, and began his feast with a hunger. With one lick from his tongue, your goal of keeping eye contact with him shattered, and a long groan escaped from your mouth.

“Quiet baby,” he whispered against your mound. “Quiet,” and he continued.

He mapped you like an expert—memorizing exactly where you whined, honing in on those areas just long enough to make you shake, and just before you found your release, he would move on.

“Fuck you,” you whispered after the second time he did this, sweat dripping down your face and breasts. He chuckled into you and pulled one of your hands off his head to wrap it in his own, giving it a gentle squeeze.

“Patience baby. It’s my birthday.”

He continued squeezing your hand as he worked, and you continued biting your tongue until you nearly drew blood.

This was heaven. Heaven on earth. Eternity between your legs. The world could end tomorrow and you wouldn’t care, not after this. Not after him.

It was when he nudged your clit with his nose just so that you felt that familiar ball of flame inside of you begin to oxidize, expanding from a lick of flame to a fire.

“I’m so close Joel please.”

“Jesus woman,” he replied, the noises coming from his mouth on you borderline obscene. “Sound so pretty.”

He kept at it, nudging your clit with his nose and licking you where you needed. It was then that you noticed a small rock to your bed and a consistent creak. You used the last of your strength to pull yourself up, only to be met with Joel’s now hazel eyes, and the lower half of his body fucking hard into the bed.

“Told you I’d come from this,” he whispered, and kissed your clit.

Your fire became unstoppable, and you let yourself fully release into his mouth.

He didn’t stop. Not after you gave him one more.

Finally, he parted from you with one final kiss, and you didn’t even realize your eyes had fallen shut until he kissed both of them. They fluttered open to be met with his smiling face.

He looked so damn happy.

You brought his mouth to yours, tasting yourself mixed with his morning coffee, but he pulled away quickly.

“How was I?”

Your face broke out into a smile so big your teeth showed. “Perfect.”

He pecked your nose. “Good.”

He laid down on his back next to you, panting and exhausted, and you immediately cuddled into him. You threw your leg over his own only to be met with something…sticky?

He came. Purely from sucking you off.

“What’s this, the third time I’ve told ya?” he whispered into your hair. “I did this for you, but I wanted it just as badly.”

You couldn’t help the shock in your voice when he hugged you close. “I—I don’t know what to say.”

“I love you Y/N,” he said. “That’s all that matters.”

“I love you Joel,” you whispered back weakly, feeling the exhaustion envelop you once again. “Happy Birthday.”

He hummed in acknowledgement, likely grateful that you had woken him up early enough for him to go back to sleep. You followed him in your failure to sleep, but just before you reached unconsciousness, you felt yourself whisper.

“Don’t think I’m not paying you back for this.”

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@leahkenobi @aninnai​ @untitledarea​ @avengersfan25​

[firsttimewriter92]

I would love a sirius x reader fic set during OoTP where the reader works at the Ministry while being part of the Order like Arthur and Kingsley, and she's staying at Grimmauld Place with Sirius. She often comes home to find him drunk and touch-starved during the school year when the only other person in the house is Kreacher. thanks xx

Hello dear anon :) I know it´s been a while since you sent me this ask. I hope you´re still in the mood for it :P I kept it pretty tame but there´s a lot of angst and it developed into a huge slow burn. Hope that´s all right and everyone enjoyes it <3

Words: 7.536

Warnings: Angst, cursing, (f!) hufflepuff reader, mentions of Sirius being bisexual, kissing, slow burn, fluff

12 Years

“Oh, for fucks sake, not again” you whisper sighed as you entered the kitchen at Grimmauld Place number 12. “Third time this week” you grumbled as you looked at Sirius´ slumped over figure sitting on the polished wooden table. His arms cushioned his head that was laying on the surface, an almost empty bottle of fire whisky next to him. No glass.

Taking off your shawl and coat you walked over to him to assess the damage. It wasn´t as bad as it usually was. At least this time he was clothed.

Three months ago, your boss and mentor Kingsley Shacklebolt had brought you to your first order meeting. The moment he told you what the order was and what they did, you exploded on him. Why didn’t he tell you about this order sooner? Didn’t he trust you enough? Wasn’t he confident enough in your abilities? Kingsley had just stood there stoically, letting you spit fire at him. When you´d finished, Kingsley sighed deeply and started explaining his reluctance to you.

He knew. Of course, he did. He knew who you´d meet again, once you set foot into headquarters and he didn’t know how you´d react. He was right to do so actually. The first time your eyes had met those of Sirius Black, it had flared up again. That nauseating feeling that haunted you for 14 years. Guilt, sadness and loneliness were flooding your system with only a small glimmer of hope and relief.

It was so surreal to have him in your general vicinity again. Two years younger than him, your time at Hogwarts had been the happiest you´ve ever felt. When puberty hit you like a freight train and the mischief of James Potter and Sirius Black became legendary, your hormones betrayed you in the worst possible way. A major crush on the black-haired teenager formed itself inside your chest over the years. Clawing at your ribcage every time you saw him in the corridors, you hated the feeling. You hated his beautiful face, you hated that your body reacted the way it did.

As a Hufflepuff and general people pleaser you´d despised his arrogance and his devil may care attitude. Especially towards the swarms of girls hanging onto the seem of his cloak. You´d stolen glances from afar, never exchanging a word with him. You paid attention instead. You saw everything and liked only so much. His pranks amused you; his bullying infuriated you, his attentiveness to his friends and the younger students warmed you. 

Sometimes, especially after the holidays, you saw him sitting in the great hall amongst his friends, a dull and empty look in his eyes and your heart had squeezed so painfully that you had to look away. About a second later, when you dared to look again, he was grinning and joking like nothing had happened.

And then, one year into your Auror training, your world came crashing down on you. You arrived at the ministry and immediately felt the air buzzing with dread and excited relief all at once. Grabbing the daily prophet that was handed to you with shaking fingers, your knees gave out then and there. Sirius´ face, screaming and laughing manically, stared at you. Ice replaced your blood as you´d read the news.

James and Lily dead. The dark Lord gone; a little boy still alive. Sirius? A cold-blooded murderer and traitor; already in a cell in Azkaban. You refused to believe it. You refused! James was more than a friend to Sirius. There was no way he was a death eater. Sirius had never made a secret about his hatred towards his family or how much he loved his friends.

That´s when your letters had begun bombarding the ministry.

__________________________________________________________

Now, here at Grimmauld place, you had to watch Sirius fight every day just to try and keep his sanity. Between the usual order meetings and the children coming to visit for the holidays, he drank himself to sleep every night. And ever since you´d moved into one of the bedrooms upstairs, you helped him into bed or at least onto a couch every night. Dumbledor was the one who´d asked you if you wanted one of the rooms upstairs. “Less commute” he´d said, remembering your dislike of apparating quite vividly. When asked if he had any objections, Sirius had only grunted before disappearing into Buckbeak´s room.

He wasn´t always unpleasant, however. Sometimes you did have conversations when meeting in the library by chance, although they´d always turned out quite meaningless. You couldn’t figure out if he wanted you there or not.

Around the holidays when the house was full, so his heart seemed to be. He warmed up to you, brought you tea, filled your plate at dinner (much to the surprise of everyone at the table) and conversed with you a little more enthusiastically. At these rare occasions you began to see glimpses of the flamboyant teenager return into his grey eyes and his small grins. Your heart beginning to flutter in your chest yet again. Then the teenagers returned to Hogwarts and so did Sirius´ sour mood.

It was about two weeks after Christmas now and therefore the 14th day of you finding Sirius black out drunk early in the evening. You walked over to the cabinet in the corner of the kitchen and pulled out the last flask of potion you´d brewed for him. It usually woke him up enough for you to be able to manoeuvre him around and lessen his hangover the next day. You hadn’t quite figured out how to make it potent enough to get rid of his drunkenness completely. It was an immensely complicated brew.

Sighing, you uncorked the flask and moved Sirius into a sitting position. He mumbled something and flopped around in your arms like a rag doll. Leaning his head back you put the flask to his mouth and poured. Sirius tried to get out of your grip very weakly and some of the potion spilled from the side of his mouth. “Come on, Sirius, please” you said urgently. “Swallow, damn it.” He finally did. When the flask was empty you gently guided his head back onto the table and waited.

You knew he wouldn’t be sober when he woke up but at least he would be coherent enough to work with. Slowly he began to stir. His head lifted and with a deep groan he leaned back into his chair, holding the bridge of his nose. The long black mass of hair on his head was dishevelled but still wavy and bouncy as it had been all these years ago. The little streaks of grey on his temples and in his beard only contributed to his still very much intact attractiveness.

Sirius wiped at his mouth absentmindedly and opened his eyes. Grey orbs found yours sitting across from him immediately. Instantly you recognized the defiance in them. Great.

“I asked you to give me that shit in the mornings. Not when I´m trying to sleep” he croaked hoarsely in a cold voice. You rolled your eyes. “I´m not letting you sleep at the table, Sirius. Not when you own a bed upstairs. But I can´t lift your arse, so…” you shrugged and looked at him challengingly. You´d figured out quite quickly that trying to be compassionate and soft with him in these situations had no impact whatsoever. Sirius huffed and wiped at his face again to try and gain more control over his movements.

“Never asked you to do that” he slurred slowly. Hot annoyance burned your throat when you answered in a hiss. “´S better than you trying to climb some stairs, falling backwards and breaking your fucking neck.” Sirius laughed humourlessly and looked you straight in the face.

“Not so sure about that.” He had a weird glimmer in his slightly sunken eyes.

“For fucks sake, Sirius!” you yelled as your fist hit the table. Sirius flinched only slightly as you regarded him with a furious look. “Could you at least pretend that you care about your own life? I know you´re lonely and frustrated. I´m sorry I´m annoying you by staying here but the order still needs you! Harry needs you!” You knew you had him with that. His godson seemed to be his only lifeline sometimes. “I won´t pretend to know what you had to go through, Sirius. But you´ve been given a second chance at this, even though you didn’t even get a first one. And you´re drinking it away. Stop it!”

Sirius looked at you for a long time. Breathing heavily his eyes threw daggers at you and internally you just waited for him to cuss you out. That didn’t happen though. Sirius stood up from his chair without breaking eye contact with you. You didn’t like the way he started walking over to you, almost predatory. So, you stood as well and backed away against the table. Of course, you´d crossed a line.

Watching him step closer and closer you had no idea what he was trying to do. The moment he stood right in front of you, his breath hit your face. It reeked of alcohol, and you crunched your nose a little bit. Sirius grinned, showing off his sharp canines.

“You´re worried about me” he sang triumphantly but couldn’t quite remove the belittlement from his voice. Even though you were sure he could feel the heat emitting from your face, your stomach churned with rage instead of shame. “At least someone is” you hissed quietly. He ignored it and only raised a single black eyebrow. You hated how good he looked doing that.

“Don´t tell me,” He breathed and leaned down closer to you. Fuck, fuck! Too close! “You have a little crush on me.” Your head snapped up immediately and your face must have betrayed you because Sirius´ face lit up in sarcastic glee. He chuckled darkly as his eyes scanned your face quickly. “Is that why you wanted to live here? Aw, that´s nice. How old are you? You couldn’t have been in my year at Hogwarts. I´d sure as fuck remember you.” Again, there they were. The waves of nausea crashing over you. Your infatuation with him mixed with worry about his behaviour started to become a cocktail of resentment and pity. You didn’t want to feel this way about him.

“Get the fuck out of my face, Black” you growled and leaned further away from him. Something dangerous mixed itself into his swirling grey irises and your stomach sank.

“Come on now, birdy” he whispered, leaning over you and talking against your neck. Your breathing faltered and hitched, your hands gripping the side of the table hard. “You´re pretty enough. You´d be a delightful way to pass the time.” Shock almost made your body convulse. You knew he was still drunk but his words were so clear. You felt cold, useless and helpless. His lips ghosted across your pulse when he spoke again. “Don´t be a prude, now.”

WHACK!

Your arm pushed him away from you forcefully before your hand collided with his cheek with full force, knocking him back a couple of steps. Breathing heavily, you stood upright and glared at him. His head was still turned so you could see his pale cheek turn red by your smack. When he looked back at you, you didn’t see rage or confusion in his eyes. In fact, they looked almost apologetically, like he knew he´d fucked up but was too proud to admit it.

Your eyes were slits when you spoke next. “Have it your way, then. I can´t deal with a three-split persona. Either hate me, tolerate me or fucking ignore me completely. But one more disrespectful bullshit act like that and I swear, Black, you´ll have one less ally here.”

With those venom laced words you turned on your heel and stormed out the kitchen and upstairs to your room.

Sirius stood there alone in the kitchen for another few minutes. The alcohol was still thrumming in his veins, but he was all too aware of what he´d done. What he´d said, even as he said it.

Of course, he knew you were right with everything you´d said. And that infuriated him more than he cared to admit. Why were you even here? After a stressful day at the ministry, you came back to a horribly decorated, dirty, uncomfortable hellhole of a house, a house elf that insulted you whenever he got the chance to and a fucking drunk man child. Every night. Sometimes he´d wondered how he´d gotten onto the sofa in the library or into his own bed after drinking. He´d had an idea that it might have been you, but he couldn’t be sure. Now he was.

You´d always made him drink the hangover potion that was in the cabinet in the corner. Had he ever thought about how it got there? Who bought or made it? He couldn’t remember.

You didn’t deserve this. He actually came to appreciate your presence over the holidays. He found you witty and bright, a delight if he was honest with himself. And the fact that you were a special kind of beautiful in his eyes didn’t help at all. So why couldn’t he allow you to grow closer to him? You clearly made an effort to at least know him better.

Bitterly he walked over to the almost empty bottle of whisky, setting it to his mouth. Thinking better of it he stopped, turned and poured the remains down the sink. There was a horrible taste in his mouth. Either hate me; He didn’t hate you. Tolerate me; He wanted to do so much more than that. Or fucking ignore me completely; How the fuck was he supposed to do that when you just…existed?!

He really needed to get his head out of his arse. That was no way to talk to anyone. You just wanted to help. Why though? He´d never seen you before. At least he couldn’t remember but then again, he´d surely lost a lot of memories back in prison. You must have been at Hogwarts.

Oh fuck, were you an old flame?! His body went rigid when he thought about that. It would kind of explain your behaviour towards his advances. Or…OR, you dickhead, she just didn’t want a sorry drunk, smelling like a distillery all over her. Sirius shook his head. Why was either rage or excessive flirting always his default? Because he didn’t think you´d react like that. He was way out of line of course, so he really didn’t think his hunch about you having a crush on him would have this much of an impact. How the hell could you like him when he behaved so poorly in front of you; when he hadn’t paid you much attention since you´d moved in?

Maybe he should start doing that.

________________________________ 

You lay in your bed that evening, hot tears running down your face and sweat beading at your forehead. You felt so lost. Had you really been holding onto this teenage version of him so desperately that you couldn’t see how much he was suffering now as a man?

It´s true, he´d never asked for your help. Were your actions overstepping boundaries of his that you just couldn’t see? He´d made you feel so insignificant that evening with just a few words. You felt downright dirty and even though he didn’t really do anything more than graze his lips along your neck, you felt used.

You´re pretty enough…enough. Was your intuition really this bad? Had you read him all wrong for all these years? No. He was drunk, he was frustrated, he was alone. Maybe someday he´d let you help him with at least that. His loneliness.

__________________________

The next evening there was supposed to be an order meeting and you were dreading it like nothing else. You tip toed around the house the whole day, praying that you wouldn’t run into Sirius at least until the Meeting started. Unfortunately, you weren’t that lucky.

When you made your way downstairs to the kitchen, you crept along the corridor quietly as to not wake up the shrieking portrait of Sirius´ mother. Just as you were about to open the door to your left down into the kitchen another one further down the corridor opened and Sirius walked out. Both of you stopped immediately when your eyes met. Your whole body went rigid and hot acid bubbled up your throat. Sirius stood still. He looked at you with an unreadable expression. He sighed deeply and his eyes changed into something calmer and softer.

He opened the door to the room he´d just exited again and waved you over. When you couldn’t move from your spot, his face contorted into a pleading look and he mouthed a ´please´, waving you over once again. And even though your legs felt like jelly, you started moving. Your heart was beating out of your chest when you passed him. You noticed he smelled clean. Clean clothes, clean hair, no alcohol on his breath or his skin.

You walked into the little study and turned around just as Sirius closed the door timidly behind him.

He squared his shoulder and looked at you. You were sure he could see your shiver.

“I have to apologize” he rumbled. “I behaved…incredibly disrespectful towards you last night and you have every right to resent me after what I´ve said.”

You stared at him. That wasn’t exactly what you expected. But it was also very much welcome. You stayed quiet, noticing that he was still trying to talk, having difficulty finding the words. So, you gave him time, schooling your features into not looking at him like you wanted to be anywhere but in his presence.

Sirius started pacing and mumbling before he looked at you again. “´S been difficult” he whispered. “I´m sorry, truly.” He hung his head, raking his fingers through his hair. “I´m not really sure what else to tell you. I-I don’t know you. But…maybe that could change? I mean, you live here. Might as well be…house…mates? Urgh” he groaned loudly and only stopped when you started giggling. He whipped his head in your direction and raised an eyebrow.

You stood there and watched him fight tooth and nail to explain what he wanted and honestly, after his apology you found it kind of amusing. Sirius was anything but insincere, so you didn’t question his motives in wanting to get to know you better. You appreciated it immensely and slowly your body relaxed, the acid in your throat started to retreat.

“Listen,” he said with a lopsided smile, his eyes glued to your smirk. “You can´t laugh at me for having terrible interpersonal skills. I was incarcerated for 12 years.” Your giggle immediately stopped as you looked at him with guilt.

“Relax” he said gently. “Sometimes jokes are the only thing that help me coping.” You nodded hesitantly.

“Did I even introduce myself properly when we first met?” he curiously asked.

“Not exactly” you said with a small shrug and a smile. “You were half drunk and just grunted.”

“Merlin´s beard” he sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He stood tall and walked over to you.

“Can we start over then? Can I salvage my reputation somehow?” He stood before you. Tall, handsome and kind. His hand was outstretched.

“I´m Sirius Black. Welcome to my lovely home” he said in a deep velvety and mildly sarcastic voice that made the hair in your neck stand up. “It´s nice to meet you, ___.” It was heartfelt, the way he said it. You reached out your hand and shook his. “Likewise, Mr. Black” you said.

He didn’t let your hand go for a moment, a grin spreading on his face. One that let him look years younger, one you wanted to see for all eternity. The little crinkles around his expressive grey eyes were the most adorable thing you´d ever seen.

Sirius looked like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders when he gently guided you out of the study and down into the kitchen. “By the way,” he said as you descended the stairs. “You´ll find that my humour is kind of fucked. I´ll stop the heavy drinking, promise. So, no need to walk on eggshells around me, ´k?” He turned his head up to you, giving you a beautiful angle of his neck and the tattoos that scattered down from his ear and disappeared into his collar.

“If you´re sure” you said with a grin of your own. His eyes blitzed amusedly as the both of you entered the kitchen. What you didn’t see was the curious look Arthur and Molly Weasley exchanged when they saw Sirius pulling out a chair for you before sitting down himself.

_______________________________

 The meeting progressed and plans were made. The debate was already heated enough before Snape decided to speak. The moment he opened his mouth, your eyes rolled to the side. You resented that man with every fibre of your being. Mostly because he seemed to have it out for Sirius. Taunting him whenever he could. It was unnecessary and just plain vile.

“It´s easy for you to say, Black. You´re just sitting comfortably in your home while everyone else is either being productive or helpful. At least not all of us have to deal with your bipolar character” Snape snarled and gave you a pity filled look. You were about ready to tell him to kiss you where the sun don´t shine when Sirius spoke up. He was relaxing into his chair, staring at Snape with a victorious grin.

“Congratulations, Sniffellus. At least you got the bi-part right.”

Snorting into your wine glass you coughed several times before trying to hold back a fit of giggles. You looked at Sirius´ smug face grinning at you. His eye twitched to look dangerously like a wink and you knew that the heat in your cheeks didn’t form because of the wine.

_______________________________________

The days after became more and more comfortable. Sirius kept his promise to you not to drink excessively anymore and greeted you sober every evening when you returned. You ate dinner together and talked a lot more. You actually began looking forward to coming back to Grimmauld place every night. The kitchen was cozy and warm, soft light from candles and gas lamps illuminated the space as you sat at the table, sharing stories from your time at Hogwarts and your Auror training.

Day after day Sirius seemed to hang onto your every word more and you slowly got to know his sense of humour and therefore gradually you stopped feeling guilty whenever he made a joke about his time in Azkaban. Of course, you knew that deep down, 12 years in that horrible place left its marks, but it seemed like he was done with showing them to you.

“So,” he said one evening, cheeks tinted a beautiful rosy colour from the wine he´d poured the both of you. “You were two years under me. A Hufflepuff and a brainiac.” His voice sounded impressed. “What I can´t believe though” he said and took a swig of his wine, “Is that you were a beater in the quidditch team, and we actually played against each other?!”

You grinned and nodded. “We did. I remember it vividly. I´d just gotten into the team and our first match was you guys. You were in your last year. I tried so hard to hit those bludgers in your or James´ direction, but my strategy was futile. James was too quick, and you were too wicked on a broom” you shook your head in mock disbelieve while Sirius´ eyes gleamed with excitement.

“I don’t get it” he said with an almost dreamy look on his face. His chin rested in his palm as he spoke. “Don’t get me wrong, I know you´ve got spark but I would have recognized that in school. You told me you were a closed off and private. But then you go joining the quidditch team as a beater no less. How?”

You smiled at him. “Well,” you said amusedly and took a sip of your glass. “I was closed off, that´s true. But that doesn’t mean that I had no personality. There was a certain potential of rage. I had to let that go somewhere.” You shrugged with a grin. Sirius looked at you impressed.

He topped off your wineglass and spoke. “I´m impressed. The closed off, timid girl, grew up to be a fearless auror.” You shook your head. “Fearless is not true” you said calmly. “Fighting death eaters fearless is a stupid idea. Makes you end up looking like Mad eye” you smirked and winked at him. Your palms encased your cheeks as you spoke in a high-pitched voice. “Compared to him and looking at all this” you turned your head prettily left and right, “I was scared shitless every time.”

Sirius threw his head back an bellowed a joyous laugh. It fitted him so well all you could do was stare at him in awe. He wiped at the corner of his eyes and gasped for air. “Merlin, I really regret being such an insufferable prick to you up until now.”

“Thank you” you said earnestly. “You´re not so bad yourself.”

He smiled at you sweetly. “And we never talked in Hogwarts?” he asked. “Are you sure?” he sounded almost hopeful. You huffed laugh and shook your head. “I´m sure” you said, feeling the wine coursing through your veins, making you bold. “I avoided you like the plague.”

Sirius´s face fell, and you were quick to answer. “It wasn’t because I thought you were a bad person.” Quite the opposite actually. “More like…you were…intimidating.” He raised an eyebrow at that. “Intimidating?” he asked. You nodded.

“Yes. You and your friends…you were legendary as it was. Everyone either knew you, hated your guts or was crushing on you” you could feel your face heat up once more. “I just didn’t see the point of being one of many, you know.” You smiled at him timidly, his expression somewhat empty. “I did pay attention, though.”

A little more light appeared in Sirius´ eyes at that. “You were?”

You took a deep breath and downed the rest of your wine. Fuck it!

Nodding you continued. “Yes. I mean, you were hard to miss. But I´d often see how you joked with your friends, how you comforted the younger students. It was nice to see that side of you. It always made me wonder why you decided to act on your ´attention whore´ attitude more. But then again, I didn’t know you privately, so I don’t even know if I´m right with that.” You rushed the last sentence and reached for the wine bottle. Sirius´ hand shot out and grabbed your wrist. His fingers were strong but gentle.

Goosebumps appeared immediately on your skin. The little hairs on your forearm standing up when you looked up and directly into his eyes. He regarded you with a look full of wonder, gratitude and something pleading. “What else did you see?” he whispered, leading your hand down onto the table, not letting go. Ok, this seemed to be a little too intimate, but you were damned if you broke eye contact for even just a second. It was time to come clean.

“I saw how you always seemed different when we all came back from holiday. At least for a few years. You were always…sad one minute and then chipper the next. It looked fake.” His eyes grew wide. “I saw how your eyes would not leave Remus´ plate that you packed with food until he was done eating. That always happened after he turned.” Sirius´ fingers tightened. “How do you know about that?” he asked in awe.

You raised both eyebrows. “As I said. I paid attention. Still do.” At your words and to your utter delight, Sirius began absentmindedly stroking his thumb across the soft skin of the underside of your wrist. There was no way in hell he didn’t feel the insistent and fast beating underneath.

“I saw a lot of things that made you more than just an attention seeker to me. What I didn’t like, at all, was the bullying. James and you. You were both better than that. Sure, Snape was a little git but…sometimes you overdid it.” Sirius hung his head for a moment and nodded silently before looking at you again. An ashamed look spread across his face. “I know. We could be quite…insufferable. At that age you don’t really think about these things” he said quietly. You nodded in understanding. “I know. And I also know that Snape wasn’t exactly innocent himself. But I guess it´s no wonder he hates your guts. He´s still a bloody git, though.” You grinned at him.

Sirius took a deep breath. “You saw all that without ever having spoken a word to me?”

“Yes”

Sirius looked impressed and incredibly moved.

“´S no wonder Kingsley bursts at the seams with pride for you. I guess death eaters have no chance when it comes to you.”

Blushing hard you grinned bashfully but shook your head. “I´m not that good in the field” you said, and Sirius raised an eyebrow in doubt. “But when it comes to interrogations, if they make it that far, I´m actually very successful. I either get a full confession or at least some names. Always.” You spoke the last part with as much confidence as you could muster, hoping you´d impress him at least a little bit.

“Wow” Sirius breathed. “And you think I´m intimidating?” You giggled. “No, not anymore, actually.” He seemed very pleased with that.

You sat there for a moment in silence. Your eyes trained on his tattooed fingers still gently wrapped around your wrist. Ever tiny movement they made sent waves of shivers over your body.

“Can I ask you a question?” Sirius asked quietly. “HmHm” you mumbled, still not looking up. “Please, look at me” Your head snapped up at his tone. His eyes were filled with something so soft it made your heart quake.

“I can´t stop thinking about it…The other night, you said I was drinking my second chance away.” You nodded. “Even though I didn’t really have a first one. What did you mean by that?”

“Oh” you said and looked at him like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “I meant your trial.”

Sirius´ eyebrows shot to his hairline.

“M-My trial?” he stuttered out? “I didn’t-“

“-get one, I know. That´s what I mean.”

He looked at you with a shocked expression before his face relaxed. A grateful smile stretched onto his lips as he looked at you fondly. Slowly, his fingers that held your wrist moved to lift your hand up to his face. Not breaking eye contact he gently but firmly pressed his mouth to your knuckles, effectively knocking the wind out of your lungs. Times stilled. The edges of your vision blurred, and a loud beeping noise filled your ears. It felt like you were about to pass out from a fever when his lips left your skin, and an uncomfortable cold ran over your back.

Sirius set your hand back onto the table and seemed reluctant as he let it go.

_____________________________________________

The next days were a blur. A happy blur. You were walking on clouds, you were dreaming so much more vividly and to no surprise, Sirius´ face always ended up being the main character. Sirius seemed much happier as well. He went out of his way to make you comfortable. For the past week now, he´d cooked you dinner and scolded you whenever you tried to help him out. He´d point his finger at you, his eyes comically narrowed and told you to sit down at the table.

It also seemed like he tried to be closer to you whenever he could. He´d stand closer to you, he´d sit closer to you, he´d guide you through doors by the small of your back. It all wasn’t helping your situation at all. He changed his behaviour towards you so dramatically, you weren’t able to stop your old crush from coming back. Not when he looked at you so dreamily sometimes, not when you both dissolved into laughter about some silly story, not when you thought about his lips on your skin.

Every time you thought about that night, your whole body started to tingle. The little flirts just came naturally to the both of you. So much so, that it was in no time, that the whole order noticed something was going on. Most of them seemed very pleased by the fact that they didn’t have to deal with Sirius´ outbursts anymore. Especially Remus. He regarded the two of you often with mirth in his eyes while Tonks almost ripped out his arm when she noticed as well.

The only thing that dampened the sugar high you constantly seemed to be on, was the fact that even though Sirius and you started flirting heavily, nothing ever came of it. In the last minute, either him or you, would draw back and either laugh it off or deal with a few moments of awkwardness. There was a magnetic pull forming between the both of you, and both of you felt it. It got stronger with ever shared meal and laugh.

These days, it got so much harder to fall asleep. Your heart beating against your ribcage so insistently that it was a herculean task to calm down. Apparently, it started to show.

You came down into the kitchen one Saturday morning with Sirius working on the stove. Even though you felt knackered, there was no way you would ever not appreciate his broad shoulders and lean back, covered by some raggedy old band-shirt. You smiled fondly at his back. He heard you approach and turned halfway around. “Good morning, darlin´.” Again, goosebumps everywhere and your heart going ballistic. “G´ mornin´” you yawned.

Sirius turned the stove off and turned to you fully. The smile on his lips vanishing when he saw you. “Are you feeling ok, ___? You look tired.” He rounded the table quickly and came to a stop close in front of you. So close. It took everything in you not to take a deep, deep breath.

“Fine. Didn’t sleep well last night” you said. Lie. You haven’t been able to sleep properly for a couple of nights now.

Sirius looked around your face worriedly. “Do you need one of those pick me up potions you always gave me? I can give you some money to go get them.” That made you chuckle. You lifted your hand and very gently ruffled the soft, black locks on his head.

“Oh, Sirius” you said smiling. “I didn’t buy them. I made them.” It took him a moment to let your spoken words sink in. His eyes went impossibly wide, then slightly damp. You retracted your hand from his head. 

Sirius couldn’t hold on. In one gentle swoop he bent down slightly and pulled you into his chest by your waist. Your arms wound around his neck in an instant. Delirious with happiness you pressed your forehead against the side of his neck and felt the vibrato of his voice against it as he hummed contently. He smelled divine. A mixture of firewood, tobacco and something citrusy. It smelled like coming home and you felt your crush bloom into something much more valuable. It didn’t scare you at all. You were cradled in his arms, his cheek atop your head, his hands gently caressing the small of your back. You could´ve stayed like that forever.

“There´s nothing I could give you to make up for all the shit I´ve put you through” he whispered into your hair. “I don´t deserve the kindness you´ve given me or are still giving.” You shook your head against his neck and wanted to speak, but he was quicker. “You make it more than bearable to stay in this house, love. I don’t know where I would be if you hadn’t decided to move in.”

You stook on your toes to be able to hug him closer and he pulled you in with a desperate sigh against your ear. “I was such a fucking arsehole to you. I´m so sorry.” Hot tears formed in your eyes when you heard his tone. “You are lonely” you choked out. “And frustrated. I get it.”

“…was” he whispered and slowly withdrew just a little to look you in the face. His gorgeous, regal features were formed into a look of gratitude and longing.

“What?”

“I was lonely and frustrated” he emphasized. “Not anymore.”

His blazing silver eyes took in the entirety of your face before closing them and leaning his forehead gently against yours. “I´m glad you´re here with me” he said before kissing your forehead and almost sending you to the ground. The tears spilled over. Sirius noticed them and used his little finger to wipe them from your face.

“Why aren´t you able to sleep? What do you need?”

“I think it´ll be a little easier now” you said with a watery smile. Sirius nodded his head, for the time being, he was satisfied with your answer.

“Let´s eat breakfast before everyone shows up for the meeting. The moment I have to look at Snapes hair, I´ll not be able to eat for hours.”

_________________________________________

The meeting went quite well. Most of the time people were calm and the plans you´d made weeks before, finally came to fruition.

You were sitting beside Sirius who´s palm sat comfortably on your thigh underneath the table. It burned your skin and made you a bit drowsy with longing, but you paid attention still.

After the meeting, some of the members stayed for dinner and drinks after. Everyone had a great time. Sirius and you stood a little to the side, close together and smiling happily.

“Well, finally” came a booming voice from the table and your head swivelled towards Kingsley. He had a dopey grin on his face, wiggling his eyebrows as he regarded Sirius and you. It was evident that he was quite tipsy.

“I really thought it would never happen. You two” he pointed at the both of you and with a hiss you gestured for him to quit it. “Kingsley” you whisper yelled while Sirius next to you just tried to bite back a huge grin. “What?” Kingsley slurred. “You could at least thank me, you know. For bringing you here. ´S the last thing you deserved after all these dumb howlers. Haha!” You felt the colour drain from your face. Oh no. Oh no. “Kingsley, shut up!” You hissed at him again. Sirius looked very curiously between you and Kingsley.

“What howlers did you send him, darling?” he asked in an amused tone.

“SO MANY HOWLERS!!” Kingsley yelled and nearly fell of his chair. “You´re lucky I started intercepting them when I became your mentor. If the committee had found out that the one terrorising them with howlers was actually an auror trainee…I tell ya. You wouldn’t be an auror today.”

“Oh Merlin, help me” you sighed. “Kingsley, please just drop it.”

Sirius´ face was filled with question marks. “What in Merlin saggy left nut is he talking about?”

Kingsley explained. “You see, dear Sirius. This one,” he pointed at you with a shit eating grin. “This one wouldn’t take no for an answer. She tried to send them anonymously and for the most part it worked. Until they set me on it. I found out it was you,” he playfully glared at you. You wanted to sink into the floor and never emerge again. “At this point I was already training you and you had so much potential. So, I made it work.” He sounded so proud of himself.

Sirius had walked over to Kingsley, still smiling and trying to figure it out. “What howlers did she send Kingsley? Why would they be so dangerous for her career?”

“Oh” Kingsley said, and his eyes went big. “Oh, you don’t know.” Sirius looked taken aback.

“I don’t know?”

“Yeah, the howlers, the letters she sent. They were because of you.”

Sirius went still, staring at Kingsley intently. “What do you mean, they were because of me?”

“Kingsley…” you tried again but your voice was too quiet. You could only let it happen. You´d try to explain it to Sirius later. That was, if he didn’t throw you out the house.

“They were trial demands” Kingsley said matter of factly and the air was suddenly too think to breath. You felt like drowning.

“Trial demands” Sirius whispered as he put two and two together. He turned to you slowly. You couldn’t look him in the eyes, embarrassment making your skin feel like it was on fire.

“Kingsley?” he asked in a dry tone without looking away from you. You felt his eyes boring into you. “Kingsley, when did you intercept the last demand?”

Kingsley hummed. “Hmmm…. the last one I got was about four days before your escape from Azkaban was made public. Before that, they came in once a week like c-clockwork.”

You heard Sirius take in a sharp breath. When he spoke next, he was calm, quiet and somehow sounded unsure. As if he couldn’t believe what he´d just heard.

“You…you tried to get me a trial…for 12 years?”

Your shoulders pulled themselves upwards as if you were trying to sink into your own body before you nodded, looking at the floor.

You heard a sniffle from somewhere to your right. It sounded like Molly Weasley.

“___” you heard Sirius say. His tone was choked up and still unsure. “Please look at me” he pleaded.

You couldn’t. You couldn’t bare the look on his face. He already knew about the crush you´d had on him in school and now he´d found out that even as a grown woman you tried so hard to get with him. He must be so appalled.

You shook your head no.

“12 years?” you heard him ask again.

You nodded.

“Every week?” His voice was closer now.

You nodded. His shoes appeared directly in front of you and you cowered back against the counter even further. “Don´t do that” he whispered. “Don’t…please, look at me.” His voice cracked and at that your head snapped up to look at him. The sight broke and healed your heart all at once.

Silent tears were running down his tinted cheeks. His eyes were swimming with something you couldn’t pin point. With a wobbly voice he spoke.

“You didn’t believe it was me?”

“Of course not” you whispered, throat tight.

“Why not? Everybody else did”

“There was no fucking way you´d betray James” you shook your head defiantly. “No way. It all fit too well. They used your family name and the reputation behind it. But I knew you couldn’t have been a death eater. I saw you…in school…” Your own voice began to crack when you thought back to the day you learned what´d happened to him.

Sirius nodded slowly. “Yes. You saw me. You saw me. You always have” Gentle, warm hands lifted to your face and encased it. Sirius looked at you like you were the only other living being in the world. Another tear fell down. “Don’t you ever, ever, call your feelings for me a simple crush” he said and smiled at you. “I didn’t know I had such a loyal warrior out there.” Your face was also tear stained by this point. You sniffed and Sirius gently shook his head.

“No more tears, my love. I´ve got you now.” And with that, he pulled your head to his and pressed his lips to yours. It was like a rubber band snapped in your chest. As your hands tangled in his hair at the base of his neck, he hugged you ever closer, lifting you a little and moving his lips more insistently against yours. This was right, this was perfect.

Open mouthed kisses were pressed against your lips slowly, thoroughly. There was no sound except for his breathing and his heart. A throat cleared itself in the background and with a groan Sirius let go of your lips, looking at you. His grin seemed excited. You didn’t have a chance but to reciprocate it.

“You know that it´s not a simple crush you have on me, right?” Sirius winked at you. You nodded in defeat and leaned your forehead against his chest. You felt his chuckle. “Come on, dove” he taunted you good naturedly. “Call it by its name. Please?”

Your eyes met his and they twinkled with a juvenile excitement you hadn’t observed on him yet.

“I´m in love with you” you said and smiled.

Sirius closed his eyes to let your words really penetrate his mind and soul. The hands around your waist tightened before he nodded with an equal smile. Again his lips met yours. This time, shorter, sweeter.

“So am I” he whispered against them. “I love you. My beautiful fighter. You´ve saved me.”

___________________________________________________________

thank you very much for reading. If you liked it, please leave a reblog or a comment so I can improve :) I´m grateful for every feedback I get. Thanks a lot

[thequietkid-moonie]

Getting delusional after losing his darling

[ ONE-SHOT, YANDERE ] [ Beelzebub ]

[ Shuumatsu no Valkyrie / Records of Ragnarok ]

⚠️ Yandere, I don't support nor try to romanticize this toxic behaivor, is just for entretaiment

Hehe I got a lot of fun while writing this, it was a really interesting prompt, I wouldn't mind writing it again 🤭

hope you enjoy it as much as i did, dear reader

He knew this was going to happen, he always knew that getting close to you was a bad idea, ve didn't deserve you after all. But at the same time he was so desesperate to be close to you that he couldn't just get away from you, he forced this to happen when he started to follow you and now he hates himself even more for it

Despite he being a cursed man you did just smiled at him and offered your hand to him to take, he shouldn't accept it but he just wasn't able to stop himself and - the moment he held your hand on how your destiny was sealed, he know it but he wanted to believe that he could find a way to avoid it or he even had believe that he would have the strenght to get away from you before it happened, but he was a fool, an idiotic fool that was so desperate for your love that he was blinded, he chose to ignore the cruel reality and now he is paying the price

Countless have been the times that whenever he is finally able to fall sleep and try to get some rest that fades away in a second, quickly waken up by his own screams of terror at the nightmares that terrorize him every night, is always the same nightmare, and the worst is that it isn't actually a nightmare, everytime he manage to fall sleep the memory of your dead body came to him, and Beelzebub can't do anything but look at you, like if all those details where screaming at him to be look at, your terrified expression, your blood covering all your body and the floor, that immense injury on your chest, right were your hearts was once, and, at the end, his hand covered in your blood

Everytime is the same, he can't stop looking until the terror is so much that he just wakes up screaming, but he can't do anything, there is no way to bring you back and no matter what he does he can't find the comforting end he has been craving for since what feels like an eternity, he is just doomed to be tortured by the memory and the guilt, by the disgusting feeling of your warm and bright blood in his hands that seems to never leave him alone neither

Beelzebub has even tried to cut his hand off, the hand that had killed you, but not matter how hard he try he can't, not even this he can do and it just frustrated him more and more, he can't do anything anymore since the guilty feeling is eating him alive

All of this reach a point where even living is soffocating, he doesn't has to fall sleep anymore to be tortured with the memory, guilt is driving Beelzebub insane to the point where he swears he can heard Satan laughing at his missfortune everytime he wakes up from that terrible nightmare

This is too much for him, he can't even live with his own mind now. The constant toruture continued until one day a little ray of hope came to his life, one of those days where he was just trying to hold back together his own self, were he felt like he was falling apart in the most horrible way posible, when he was begging to whatever could heard him to help him this pain stop a gentle hand was placed on his shoulder, imediatly startled by it Beelzebub turn his head so fast that he could easily had break his neck, his desesperated eyes quickly found the most beautiful sight he has ever seen before (or at least that was what he felt), it was you

You were standing right beside him, your beautiful eyes filled with worry and with a little frown you asked him whats wrong with the sweetness voice in the world

In that moment everything seem to stop for Beelzebub, unable to do anything aside from looking at you in awe, he doesn't know how long it took him to be able to react again (not that he cares anyways), completely scare but at the same time desperate he throw himself into your arms, crying desperate apologies, crying his eyes out and apologizing, saying how he was so undeserving of you and how he was nothing but a monster, but at the same time expressing how much he had missed you and how he didn't know how to keep going without you

Beelzebub cried and cried until he literally had passed out because of how exhausted he was, being a complete mess but finally being able to have an actual rest. Once he finally wake up again it take him only a second to remember what happened and jump on his place, extremely scare of the posibility of not seeing you again, fearing that you being there was just a dream, but luckily for him you were still there, offering that beautiful and sweet smile that he loves so much along with a "good morning", and that was enough for him to feel like everything was going to be alright, that he has nothing to fear anymore

However, despide the fact that Beelzebub's mental state seem to slowly improve with you here is actually the opposite, he slowly insolate himself more and more as the time pass because he only needs his beloved darling for him to be alright, besides he is incredibly scare about the posibility of losing you again so he prefers to never leave your side

Beelzebub had never been liked for much people but even people who barely know him had start to worry about him, watching him go around holding onto nothing and talking to himself has become a pretty common sight, and yet a creppy one, something that no matter how much you look at you don't get used to it. His closest ones had tries to talk to him, to explain that, in fact, you aren't here but everytime someone barely just present that posibility Beelzebub quickly snaps against that person, calling them a liar in the most harsh way posible before dragging you away from those who just want to get into your relationship

Beelzebub slowly get more and more insane, depending completely on that imagine of you that makes him company but he doesn't care, that fragile imagine is enough for him to make life more bearable and he won't lose it for anything, even if that means hide from the rest of the world so it can be just the two of you

[leggerefiore]

After reading the last Grimsley story, a cute idea I've been thinking about is the opposite situation. Nanu finally falls in love but it's been so long, he has no idea on how to approach his love interest and asks Grimsley for advice (surprise surprise, it's TERRIBLE ADVICE)

Even though Nanu is usually the one with a clear head and knows to avoid trouble, he's already gone too deep, and on a night out, they both get drunk and Nanu tries to confess with his liquid courage. Grimsley is the obnoxious wingman who spurs him on in the background, chaos insues.

Maybe s/o thinks it's funny, or pitiful, or maybe both tbh. Both barely remember anything the next morning. In Malie garden, Grimsley wakes up in a bush, and Nanu would kick himself if he wasn't so damn hungover. 🥲

cw: alcohol, drinking, drunken confessions

pairing: Nanu/Reader

Nanu invited you out to the Malie Garden with the simple explanation that he wanted to talk. You headed to the teahouse to find him standing there waiting for you, except his face is flustered that it nearly matches his eyes. You blinked as another familiar sight lingered nearby… Grimsley. He was sat down on one of the benches with a familiar white serving bottle and cups. It was clear what the two had been doing before you cake along. Grimsley's paler skin flushed even brighter than Nanu's own. Shaking your head, you still approached.

“… I…ve been meaning to tell you something,” he slurred, eyes even more lidded than usual. Grimsley seemed to clap at his words before downing another drink from his cup and pouring another. You grew a bit worried about him but kept your attention on Nanu. “I… I never thought I'd feel this way again…” He continued, stepping towards you. At some point, his polite jacket had been shed off, leaving him in his red shirt. The Darkinium Z around his neck caught the moonlight beautifully. His surprisingly well-toned arms were in your sight, too. “I can't let you go… It'll be the second-worst mistake I'd ever make…” Hands grasped your arms desperately, “Look, I'm an old man, I get it, but there's nothing more I want than to spend my days with you.”

It was… Surprisingly, romantic. You were not sure if being drunk made him less prickly with his words, or if he was just like this about his feelings. Either way, it made your heart flutter��� Nanu... A confession from him was truly something that you had wanted to hear. Even if Grimsley's cheering in the background subtly ruined the moment. You nodded in reply to his words, wondering if he would even remember this come the morning. It definitely would be something to bring back up when he was in a clearer headspace. His current status… Well, you wondered if he was even that aware of what he was saying. A sigh left him.

Then, he let you go and wandered off to go lay down on the bench. For a moment, you wondered if you should get them both back to his home, but it seemed a bit difficult. Nanu was not the type to stir easily, and Grimsley was not the easiest person to work with. The Tapu would not let anything happen to Nanu, so there was little to worry about there. And… Grimsley was like a cockroach. He would be fine. For now, you let yourself wander off. Tomorrow would come, and you would talk then.

~

Nanu woke up with a pounding headache and Acerola staring down at him in a panic. His back hurt and the felt like he was baking alive. The Alolan sun shined right down on him. The girl looked at him in mild disappointment. He let out a sigh as he sat up. Grimsley... Why did he agree to have drinks with him? He was no lightweight, but the gambler was something else. He looked around and realised that he had passed out in the garden. Shame should have entered his mind, but he grew apathetic to it years ago. Instead, he caught a sight of Grimsley passed out in a bush.

He felt Acerola help sit him up, but he shook his head and dismissed her. This was nothing for her to worry about. Pulling out his phone, he checked the time. It was already nearly noon. Embarrassing. But, a message caught his eye as he looked things. “Lets talk about last night today, okay?” From… you. What had he said? His brain pounded in his head, and he failed to recall. A sigh left him again. Great. A situation. Grimsley... Why did he drink with him? Part of him felt tempted to kick him while he was down, but he was not the type to trample on the less fortunate.

“… Acerola,” he spoke to the girl, “Can you make your Palosand take Grimsley?” She gasped and gave her signature surprised expression. Shaking his head, he stood up. “… Thanks for waking me up. I'm heading home. Don't worry about that guy, yeah?” He told her. She nodded and trailed after him as he wandered out of the garden, leaving Grimsley to the wild. She asked him questions about how he ended up like that. He opted against answering.

When you both finally spoke, he felt like banging his head against the wall. Sure, he was glad you felt the same way, but saying it like that…

He wanted to throttle a certain other dark-type specialist.

[milestonekestrel]

Survivor’s Guilt

Caz survives AU hurt/comfort with Suze as the pov! Requested by: @thisbeartblog!

It´s a little different from the prompt, but an idea took root and I needed to write it, so here you go!

**Content warnings for: suicidal ideation**

Suze was tired. Her bones were weary, and it just about hurt to open her eyes.

But she did anyway, because Caz was not with her. 

Sometimes it felt a little bit like taking care of a child, and there were moments where she felt angry about it. Then she remembered that Caz was the only survivor of the disappearance of the Beira D, and she remembered the searing pain of worry when she saw him in that hospital room, looking so, so much like he was dying. And the relief that almost knocked her off her feet when the doctors told her he was going to be alright. And the love she felt for him in his moments of clarity. 

And she would no longer be angry, because she could´ve left him already, and she was still here, so maybe it was worth it. 

She shuffled downstairs, where she suddenly stopped, her tired muscles snapping back to life. She plugged her nose. 

Gas. It smelled like gas. 

¨Caz?¨ she called out, wary of waking the girls. Creeping to the kitchen, she thought the smell was coming from there. Did someone leave the stove on? ¨Caz.¨

She came around the corner, where she found him leaning against the counter, holding–

¨J-JESUS CHRIST, CAZ! PUT THAT DOWN!¨ 

She lunged forward, swiping the lighter (unlit, thank christ) from his hands. It was only then that he stirred from his reverie, and looked at her. He didn't look upset, really, or particularly malicious. Just a bit hollow, a bit sunken, and very tired. 

¨Wh--what the hell do you think you're doing? This–¨ she waved the lighter, ¨could've killed you!¨

¨..I know.¨

She was so preoccupied in her thoughts, angrily turning the stove off, that she almost didn't catch it. 

¨You...you what?¨ she looked at him, he didn't meet her eyes, ¨Oh, Jesus, Caz. don´t tell me you were–¨

¨ya don´t fucking get it, Suze!¨ his outburst made her recoil, he was usually so quiet these days. His eyes finally met hers, it was almost agonizing, the pain and the terror in them, knowing she couldn't do anything about it. She tried, she really did, but she wasn't knowledgeable about this kind of thing. Caz broke first, he always did.He put his head in his hands and sank to the floor. ¨I was never supposed to make it off that rig… I was.. I´m not supposed to be here..¨ His shoulders shook with sobs, Suze knelt down and reached her hand out. Caz flinched away. ¨No– I, I'm supposed to be dead. At the bottom of the sea, with–¨ His voice caught, and he shook his head, ¨And I think it wants me back..¨ 

Suze frowned, Caz brought ´it´ up often. 

¨Caz,¨ she started quietly, gently as she could muster, ¨You know you´re safe here, right? Nothing's coming for you, not as long as I´m here.¨ She offered a smile, his expression did not change. 

¨no, it's not coming for me.. It's coming for you.¨ Suze´s face fell before she could school it, ¨aye, the girls too, fuck– everyone, Suze. It's going to come for everyone and I think– I think it's gonna use me..¨ 

Suze was silent for a moment, what was she supposed to say? 

¨Caz, I–¨

¨i'm supposed to be dead.¨ He wailed, angling himself so he was closed off from her, ¨you should– you should let me go.¨ 

She felt a flash of indignation, ¨No! Caz, I´m not–¨ 

¨You don't understand!¨ 

¨Caz–¨

¨when I blew up the rig, I killed it–¨

¨Wait– Blew up–..?¨

¨but I was supposed to die there to, it was supposed to be gone!¨

¨Caz–¨

¨But I'm not, and there's still a piece of it alive–¨

¨Caz–!¨

¨Me! Suze, Its me!¨ 

Suze´s words left her, all she could do was try to fight back the tears that burned the backs of her eyes.

¨… Its.. its still inside me.. I´m infected, Suze. I can't– I can´t be here! I don't want to hurt–¨ He trailed off as she forcefully grabbed his shoulders. 

¨I´m not– we're not doing this, Caz! You´re not running away again!¨ Caz blinked in shock as the words poured out, ¨You´re not abandoning us, Caz! You don't want to hurt us? Then don't try to blow yourself up in our kitchen! Fuck– I don´t care what you think is after you, you can´t– you can´t do that..¨ Suze´s anger poured out in her tirade, leaving her with the same weariness she felt day in and day out.

Caz drew in a shaky breath, Suze felt the tension in his shoulders. 

¨..I´m sorry, for hurting you..¨

Suze exhaled involuntarily, her vision blurring from tears. 

¨F-fuck, no. I´m sorry, Caz, for yelling. I don't know– i´m not mad at you..¨ She saw her own sorrow reflected in his eyes, and she wished it wasn´t so hard anymore, ¨You're just… I thought I lost you, ya´know? Do you know what it felt like, seeing you like that?¨ She tried to regain her composure, ¨But you came back to me, Caz, and I… I´m not losing you again. I need you.. The girls, too. You can't leave us again, Caz..¨ 

Caz sniffed, and leaned into her. She quickly pulled him into an embrace, trying to comfort him so he would stop trembling. 

¨I don't know what happened on that rig, I– I didn't see it, but… christ, Caz, don´t do that ever again. It's not worth it..¨

He was silent for a while, before– ¨I´m scared, Suze.¨

She closed her eyes and held him close, ¨I know. I am, too. But, we can get through this together, okay?¨

He shook his head, ¨I know you don't believe me, but– I swear, i´m telling you the truth. I saw it with my own eyes, the– the Flesh, Suze. It was horrible. I can't– I can't let you and the girls go through that. What I saw– you–.. I can´t..¨ 

¨we won´t–¨

¨No, you– you don't know what it was like. It's– you can't stop it, when it begins. You can't run, or hide, or fight it.. Its awful..¨

She pulled away from him, looking into his eyes again, ¨Caz, listen to me–¨

¨Christ, what am I saying?¨ He offered a sardonic laugh, ¨You don't believe me, no one does.¨

¨No– I do. I do, Caz.¨

He paused, ¨..you do?¨

She smiled, ¨Aye. I believe you.¨ 

And he leaned back into her, and Suze´s face fell once more, because that was a lie. 

She didn't believe him– what was she supposed to believe? What could she gather from his ramblings about ´it´ and ´the flesh´? What he told her about– it was something she'd never dreamed up. Something no one had ever dreamed up. It was impossible to believe, and she didn´t, but she´d lied. She lied because she thought it would make it hurt less, for Caz, for herself��� 

But it was still a lie. 

¨..I´m sorry, Suze. I.. I love you..¨

¨I love you, too.¨

And she meant it. She meant it because she was still here, after everything. After being given ´condolences´ for her husband by people she'd wanted to kick in the shins, after the comments from her parents, and their friends, who´d already thought she´d married below her. After the sleepless nights and the outbursts and everything, she was still here. Because she loved him, she loved him too much to let him run away, by his will or someone else´s. 

But if she loved him so much, why couldn't she believe him?

[fromdarzaitoleeza]

Ahh it's the last day of 2023 already?

I am expecting a call from a friend although the possibility of this happening is very slim it always felt nice to hear the voice of an old friend ( I'm not a text person I've realised this over time but I am stuck to be a text person) .

I can't wait for spring to come in 2024 , spring provides an intense amount of healing to my soul.

The next four months are very crucial in my life if they go well I can survive the rest of the year, I have died a couple of times this year and I am amazed that I am alive i didn't honestly thought i would make it to the end of this year ( especially in the last 3 months , I badly needed help but i didn't wanted others to pity me so i spoke to none about it ) anyways I don't want to talk about it , i don't want to make it sound blue than it already is,a i am really sorry about the fact all my posts are blue I sincerely wish it wasn't that way( altho i haven't posted anything here with as much as devotion I use to do , partly cuz i created an Instagram acc but that's not all reason I ve been sad nonetheless) and sorry for all the "anon/asks" that i haven't answered

I have made no achievements this year and there is little to no progress towards my self love or self growth, but I think that's okay I can do it in the upcoming year, time flies so quick i can't believe Its been so many years since I was 16 I miss being 16 honestly I had more in me back then than i have now , i have lost of confidence my vision and my smile over the years it's as if I am very different person now , i certainly wish I wasn't this way i really thought i would be so much more and better in my early 20s but it is what it is , acceptance is haredest of all emotions in my opinion , you know things are harder to accept when you know you could have done better .

Just like in the last 2 years even this year I didn't make any real life friends with whom I can hang out with i think it's partly due to the fact some people are destined to be alone and I am afraid to admit I am one of them , I did make 2 online friends this year .

I don't want to share any life lessons i learnt this year but if there is something i would love to share is choose yourself one more time each time you feel it's the last time you are doing it , choose one more time to live,one more time to hope, one more time to have faith , one more time to start again [ the fact I am the one telling you this is rediciculosly funny ] .

Unlike most people i don't have a lot of goals for the new year I just got things i want to avoid ( idk if that's the same thing?) Avoid my leftover heart's heartbreak, avoiding what takes away my peace, avoiding what can cause me discomfort, avoiding things that make me question myself ( in any negative way) ,i think that's a little too much but that's it .

As I was writing this Google photos sent me a notification saying " 3 years back today with a photo of mine " and it broke my heart a little, now I am questioning myself how did i let so much happen to me , I wish I treated certain things as the last time instead of always stupidly believing in future ( my worse trait yes).

There is a lot to say as always, i wonder if I open my mouth i would never stop sharing things that go inside my mind , but i also know there is no use of it if i can't find people who can understand it , maybe that's how I end up ranting here .

Not to mention I love people who are patient, i believe in the near future i would only like to talk with people who could be patient with me and with my silence . I believe everyone deserves people who can be patient with them .

Nothing really matters in the end but at the same time everything you do matters ❤️‍🩹

[drenix004]

𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐘━━━ 𝐕𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐀 𝐆𝐀𝐑𝐙𝐀

-> part 1

❝𝐇𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐲︙It was the candy she needed to cope with the life of danger and death she had willingly gotten herself into.❞

❛Her sweet, natural attitude reminded him of honey, and her peculiar amber eyes reaffirmed this❜

warnings: mention of alcohol, drugs, death, obsession, swear words, curses, among others, if you are not comfortable, don't read it !

rating: 18+

pairings: Valeria Garza x female Oc

WC: 1,2k

¡English is not my first language, so there may be mistakes, don’t hesitate to correct me.!

¡para las personas que hablan español, actualizo primero la historia en wattpad :) (for spanish speakers, I update the story on wattpad first!)

Link de wattpad-> Honey

━━━━━━━━》❈《 ━━━━━━━

Her screams and unrestrained pounding on the door echoed throughout the room. She had been doing the same thing for three days, she hadn't even taken off her bloodstained dress, her makeup was smeared and her hair was tangled.

-Let me out, dammit! -she shouted again as she kicked the door. But, again her screams had been ignored-they'll kill them all if I don't come back, please. -she whispered at the door before breaking away.

He walked over to the bed in the room and used it as a support as he sat down on the floor, and laid his back on one of the sides.

The room was a mess, everything was destroyed due to the fits of anger and irritability she was having due to withdrawal.

Jérémie controlled her with sedatives and other drugs in combination, which is why she was never able to escape. Now she only suffered the consequences of her system not receiving these substances; excessive sweating made her feel clammy, nausea and anxiety had only increased since the second day.

She had slight cuts on her hands when she broke the glass things in the room, the insomnia and the muscle and joint pains made her tired, she just wished it would be over.

-They're going to kill them," she whispered again, looking at her hands almost on the verge of collapse. Despite her state, she kept thinking about the women who were still trapped in that place.

They would kill them like cattle to erase all evidence, if she was alive they would kill the others.

Her energy was running out, maybe, and only maybe, she could sleep without feeling the Frenchman's hands on her body, she could rest for a moment, even if only.

-Ese vestido se te ve de la verga-She was so deep in her thoughts that she didn't hear the door open, she didn't hear anyone come in.

-Valeria? -Her tired eyes fell on her person; the woman with short black hair had blood splattered on her face, as well as on her hands.

Valeria gave the room a general glance before looking back at her.

-Disaster will cost me dearly-the contratia thought he was going to approach her, but walked past her toward the bathroom. He heard there would be a faucet, surely he was going to wash off the blood. -But, it's a small thing really. -He came out of the bathroom with a clean face and hands. She walked over and knelt down in front of her. -I have to get all the crap off you-he carefully touched her face, being careful with her split lip. -Lace doesn't even go with you, Laurie.

Valeria hated the appearance of the female from the first moment she saw her in that church, that was not her Laurie.

But she would take it upon herself to fix everything the French son of a bitch had changed.

-What's going on? -the contrarian barely asks -you were missing, how come…?

-The questions will come later, sweetie,- he interrupts her as he caresses her cheeks, -Let's give you a bath.

Valeria helps her up carefully, putting a hand around her waist to get a better grip as he helps her walk.

She sits her on the toilet and turns off the faucet she had left on to fill the tub.

Laurie lets herself be undressed by Valeria's delicate hands, she had missed her touch for a long time.

She felt her pause; most likely at the sight of the bruises and needle scars on her body, heard her curse under her breath as she resumed the action.

she did not look at her out of embarrassment, and Valeria didn't ask anything about it either, which she was grateful for, it wasn't necessary to know what had happened for her to have such marks on her skin.

Carefully she was put into the bathtub, and for the first time in 5 years, she relaxed at the feel of warm water and not cold as she had been made to get used to. Valeria's hands were soft and light as she bathed her and toweled off her smudged makeup.

-Lo haces bien, Dulce-The short-haired girl carefully untangled his hair, as it had knots in it, and she knew how much it hurt to remove those knots, especially if it was in curly hair.

-They'll kill them, Valeria- Laurie says after a long time, Valeria stops momentarily before continuing- they're going to kill them for me- guilt escapes in her tone of voice, her conscience blames her for what's going to happen to those poor women. -I have to go back, if I do they won't do anything to them.

-You're not going back, Laurie,-Valeria's voice becomes cold, authoritative. Contrary to the one a moment ago. Laurie looked at her on the verge of tears.

-I can't leave them, I can't abandon them. -Her trembling hand grabbed one of the Mexican woman's wrists, -Please.

Valeria stared at her before sighing, the woman had plans to destroy everything that belonged to the Frenchman, the man had dared to touch something that was rightfully hers, and she never let things go.

she didn't answer him, but Laurie knew he would think about it, he knew her so well. They were forty-five minutes in the bathroom, they took Laurie out and changed her into new, comfortable clothes, clothes they had brought while they were both in the bathroom .

The bed had even been made up and Valeria had not hesitated to put her in the middle as she snuggled her to her chest, not without first taking off her vest.

Laurie, on the verge of falling asleep said something to her that would unconsciously grow the business Valeria had illegally.

-In the laptop I have information about that place-Valeria frowns as she watches her fall asleep.

Place? had she saved information, and what kind?

Valeria barely had her in her arms after several years and she already had more work to do, including the idiot she had been torturing for hours.

Careful not to wake the woman, Valeria took her cell phone out of her back pants pocket and dialed the first number she had registered; it was only enough to ring once for them to answer.

-I am not going to repeat what I am going to say, you better listen well; look for the laptop that is in room 503 of the surgical residency dormitories in the south wing of the Sorbonne University. I don't want any mistakes, mas les vale no estar chingando.

He hung up the call and settled better on the bed, his head was scheming new plans for everything to go smoothly, plus they had to keep a low profile after the massacre he had committed a few days ago, the authorities were already getting involved, he had to end everything quickly and return to Mexico.

He had business to finish regarding his territory, and the constant problems with the Vaqueros was a loose end he could not leave loose, at least not for long. They were a plague that he had to at least get under control.

It would be a long week; full of stress and tension, plus there would be bloodshed… maybe it was good that he made himself known to the French.

It could stir up a hornet's nest.

Chapters: teaser, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

[spywhitney]

Thoughts on ships in The Bear

Sydcarmy (Sydney x Carmy)

I filtered out the tag weeks ago and I haven't undone it yet 💀.

98% of posts on my page in the last 6 months or so is to do with this ship- I've had a lot of thoughts about it.

S3 soured my opinion on it, and I've seen some eyebrow raising opinions emerge after s3 that are kind of wild, but sobering I guess?

But unfortunately I've hyperfixated on this ship now so I won't let go until it's over. So yikes for me I guess.

Like I've invested so much attention to it and the odds are looking terrible, but I hope it works out anyway?!?!

Sydrichie (Sydney x Richie)

It's the older man/younger woman trope. That's all it takes for me lol.

I read these fics when I'm tired of the above ship lowkey.

Their dynamic is so interesting to me.

If there weren't so many ****** **** ball sucking/suit licking on Richie while simultaneously trashing on Syd I'd like it a lot more (probably).

I was going to say how Richie treated Syd in s1 is what turns me off too, but I ship Syd with Carmen so, welp.

If they got together it would piss so many people off. Like the hater in me is cry-laughing thinking about how upset certain people would be lmao.

Wish we saw more of them in s3, it would've made so much sense too.

Sydmarcus (Sydney x Marcus)

Um, are the sydmarcus shippers even alive?

Y'all were done dirty. Y'all didn't deserve that man.

I never got the impression Syd liked Marcus however, but still.

If she did, they would've been so cute, like omg.

Marcus has had Syd's back the most and is arguably the only friend she has.

He treats her like a friend/overtly asked her out as more than a friend too etc etc.

The fact Syd didn't even acknowledge the fact Marcus made a dessert and named it after her is wild though.

Their dynamic has a healthy balance of reciprocation, exercised respect and care.

Obviously there are some that insist they should('ve) got together because they don't want sydcarmy which is ridiculous.

Then there's the "Syd deserves better" crowd which while I understand and somewhat agree, I also believe people choose what they deserve, so that's her business lowkey.

Saying all that I'd be all over Marcus. He's passionate, fine as hell and he's super chill?! Already climbing that man personally.

Claircarmy (Claire x Carmy)

I don't care about Claire, so it's hard to care about the relationship.

As much as the Claire hate is entertaining to me (and very valid points have been made about her), I'm pretty neutral on her for the most part.

I will say, the fact that their relationship has been shown to be perfect up until the s2 finale and Carmy calling her a waste of time was all it took for her to walk away is hilarious.

Like, if you can't deal with Carmy saying one mean thing about you, you're not ready to be with him girl lol (especially when compared with--)

The show pushes this a lot so if they're endgame fine, I just want that plot point to be done my goodness.

Carmrich (Carmy x Richie)

I've read a couple of fics and woah?

I like this quite a bit.

Their dynamic is so engaging in the fics I've read.

I almost feel like I don't appreciate their relationship enough in the show.

Sydluca (Sydney x Luca)

Kind of yummy if it was endgame, eh if otherwise.

I'm being dramatic, see my post here for more context.

The actor is british so maybe my bias is showing with this ship ngl.

He's one of the few actors I recognised also.

They look kind of cute, or whatever.

Fak x Richie

They have moments for sure.

I get it.

Marcus x Luca

I never saw this honestly.

To me, it was feel-good to just see a black man eagerly learning in a healthy environment.

I want Marcus for me though, like I said so lol.

Nat x Pete

They're canon.

They go well together, though I will say I don't have a strong opinion on them.

I guess since we don't see any significant conflict with them/they're very stable there's not a lot of emotional weight?

Nat x Richie

I felt some vibes here and there, you know?

They're sweet.

Richie x Jess

It would make sense as a part of Richie's arc.

Funny how some people that ship them based on a couple of looks hate sydcarmy with 3 seasons worth of interactions though.

Michael x Richie

I feel like I'd like this like camrich, but also it might break my heart, so idk if I want to see what's up.

Marcus x Chester

Chester was chill, shame he only got two seconds in s3.

Knowing Marcus had someone outside the restaurant who's supportive was comforting.

Tina x David

They were adorable in "napkins".

Makes sense they're married irl.

Tina x Michael

Felt a vibe for a split second when she talked about him in s1 ngl.

If she didn't have a husband atp--

Sydney x Claire

I think I saw a fic with this on ao3. Don't care about Claire, so you know.

Richie x Tiff

Clearly there's still love there, shame with what happened to them.

Carmy x Luca

I don't see why not.

Carmy x Chef David

😳 I mean, I get the appeal but in the context of the show, yikes. (Not that I haven't shipping something "worse").

[mizu-chin]

Yes My Lord "The Hidden Song"

*English is not my first language, sorry for any mistakes*

The morning was calm at the Phantomhive mansion. The sun began to rise on the horizon, casting golden rays through the tall windows, creating a spectacle of light and shadow in the elegant corridors. It was early, and the mansion was enveloped in an almost sacred silence. S/n, who had been awake for some time, was in the armory room, cleaning her daggers.

With meticulous movements, she slid the cloth over the blades, making them shine under the soft light. As she worked, she began to sing softly, almost without noticing. Her voice, clear and melodious, filled the room with the lyrics of the song.

"Cae la noche, me está buscando Hay luna llena y las loba' estamo' cazando Caí en el party, humo volando Di un par de paso' y vi que me estabas mirando..."

Sebastian, always attentive, was passing through the corridor near the armory. The sound of S/n's voice caught his attention, making him stop. He silently approached the slightly open door, curious and enchanted. He had never heard S/n sing before, and the softness of her voice combined with the intensity of the lyrics surprised him.

"Oh, te acercaste y me pediste Fuego pa' encenderte un blunt Ni lo pensé Te lo saqué de la boca, lo prendí y te dije que..."

She sang with a passion and rhythm that Sebastian did not expect. The words flowed naturally, and he could feel the emotion in each verse. There was something captivating in the way she moved, even while performing a simple task like cleaning her daggers. He stood there, immobile, almost hypnotized by the scene.

"Detrás del humo no se ve, no, no se ve Acerquémono' un poquito, que te quiero conocer Te lo muevo en HD, un perreo HP Una hora, dos botellas y directo pa'l hotel..."

Sebastian entered the room silently, his steps inaudible. He leaned against the wall, his eyes fixed on S/n. She was so immersed in the music that she did not immediately notice his presence. He observed her every movement, from the way she cleaned the daggers to how her lips moved as she sang. There was a natural sensuality and strength in her performance that left him fascinated.

"Dá calor quando chega perto de mim Que vontade de sentar em você Faz aquele jeito do macentin' Mírame, y hágale Por trás da fumaça tu sarra em mim Tomamos três goles de prazer Olha nos olhos, olha nos ojos, ah..."

S/n finally noticed Sebastian's presence when she lifted her gaze and saw him watching her. She abruptly stopped singing, a look of surprise crossing her face.

"Sebastian," she said, putting the dagger aside. "I didn't know you were there."

He smiled softly, stepping out of the shadows. "Forgive me for interrupting, Miss S/n. Your voice is... enchanting. I didn't know you could sing."

She shrugged, a slight blush coloring her cheeks. "It's just something I like to do to pass the time. It helps me relax."

"I must say, it was a pleasant surprise," he commented, approaching her. "The lyrics of the song are quite... intense."

S/n laughed, the sound light and carefree. "Yes, it's a song I like. It has an energy that makes me feel alive." Sebastian watched her for a moment, his gaze intense.

"You have many talents, S/n. Every day I discover something new about you." She looked at him, her eyes shining with a mixture of challenge and curiosity. "And you, Sebastian? Do you ever allow yourself to be surprised?"

He smiled enigmatically. "Rarely. But I must admit, you manage to do so more than most." There was a palpable tension between them, something that went beyond words. Sebastian, always controlled and calculating, felt something new and disconcerting.

S/n, for her part, perceived a vulnerability in him that she had never seen before. She stepped closer, her eyes fixed on his. "Perhaps you should allow yourself to be surprised more often. It can be... invigorating."

He tilted his head, the smile still present, but his eyes showing a depth of emotion he rarely revealed. "Perhaps you're right, S/n. Perhaps I should."

In that moment, the invisible barrier that existed between them began to dissolve. It wasn't just attraction or mutual respect, but something deeper. A recognition that, despite their differences, there was something that connected them in a way they were both still learning to understand. As the sun continued to rise in the sky, casting a golden glow over them, S/n and Sebastian stood in silence, a mutual understanding growing between them. It was the beginning of something new, something that promised to change not only the dynamics between them but also the very essence of the Phantomhive mansion.

[grandmother-goblin]

Field Study - Chapter 8

Ao3 - Masterlist

Chapter Summary: Astarion's mind is a bit of a mess after a talk with Gale and seeing how concerned Cas got when she learned Wyll had turned into a devil. Jealously roiling through his veins, fear and self-doubt make their way to the surface, and Astarion makes a very bad decision.

Relationships: Astarion x Female!Tav

Rating: Explicit (18+) for eventual smut.

Word Count: 6.6k

Chapter Tags: Denial, jealousy, Astarion lets the bad thoughts win, mentions of fantasy stereotypes.

Content Warning: Astarion falls back into old habits and thought patterns in this chapter, which might be hard for some to read. If this makes you uncomfortable, please feel free to skip this chapter or stop reading when the drow comes into the scene.

“Eroc,” Astarion said flatly as if repeating Cas’s answer out loud would help him make sense of it. But it didn’t. “Really?”

What in the hells was she thinking?

His brow furrowed as his mind began to sort through her possible reasoning. The urge to jump to conclusions before Cas could even offer an explanation was strong, but he held back..

Given what little information Astarion knew about Eroc, the vampire would not have been his first choice of possible contacts, the main reason being that Astarion wasn’t keen on accepting help from another vampire. After all, it went so well last time. His personal reservations aside, he couldn’t understand why Cas would contact Eroc over the Huntsman of Neverwinter. Unless…

Unless Cas was hiding something. Perhaps there was more to her “friend” than she initially let on.

It wouldn’t be the first time Cas kept valuable information close to the vest. It wasn’t but two days ago that she’d finally told them about her famous older brother. Who knew what other secrets she had up her sleeve?

Keeping secrets, Astarion understood. He had his fair share of them as well, most of which he never wanted to see the light of day. But what niggled at the back of his mind was the fact that Gale seemed to know more about Eroc than Astarion did. That meant that Gale and Cas must have had some more personal conversations.

For some reason, that did not sit right with him.

Not one bit.

Astarion leaned back on his palms, trying to ignore the subtle tightness in his chest. It wasn’t like Cas was particularly close to the insufferable wizard. So why did Gale get to know something about Cas that he didn’t?

Rushing water from the nearby river filled the long second of silence following his question as Cas tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Her eyes focused on a little blue flower swaying in the morning breeze.

“I knew Eroc would answer,” Cas finally said, as if that explained everything.

Astarion tilted his head. “And your brother wouldn’t have?”

“Until last night, I didn’t know if he was still alive,” she said shortly.

“What?” Karlach’s face dropped. “What happened to him?”

“Nothing. Vesryn is fine.”

Gale frowned, his expression tinged with either pity or sympathy, and said, “I had no idea—”

“— He’s fine.” Cas cut him off with a dismissive wave of her hand. “All that matters is that I got in touch with Eroc, who then contacted Vesryn. If we’re lucky, Ves should be here in a couple of days to help out with the tadpole situation.”

There were several questions Astarion wanted to ask, but she clearly wasn’t in the mood for prying. He couldn’t blame her, although it didn’t stop him from being curious. Why had she thought her brother may be dead in the first place?

Of course, he was glad to hear that her brother hadn’t perished. The Huntsman wasn’t all that useful if he wasn’t alive.

Astarion supposed he should be happy for Cas’s sake as well. The thought of losing her brother must have weighed on her, but that was something he could discuss with her at a later time. If she ever felt like it.

Cas didn’t force him to talk about difficult topics, so he would try not to press her either. It was only fair.

He noted Cas’s tense posture and the slight furrow to her brow. There was a sudden urge to pull her back into his lap and make her laugh by kissing her neck and to ease the tension coiled beneath her skin.

Instead, Astarion got to his feet and stood beside her, his hands safely in his pockets. When she looked at him, he gave her a playful smile. “Well, since you two are on speaking terms again, tell that brother of yours to hurry up. It’s not like I hang out with you for your sparkling personality.”

Cas’s lips tightened into a thin line, trying not to smile as her eyes twinkled with amusement. A small surge of pride ran through him, even as she shook her head and said, “You’re such an ass.”

“I was under the impression that my ass is one of my best qualities.”

This time, Cas laughed outright. “And what gave you that idea? There’s nothing there.”

Astarion leaned toward her, close enough so he could smell the lavender in her hair, and said sotto voce, “Tell that to your wandering hands. They had plenty to grab last night.”

A light flush crept up her neck and colored her cheeks as she gently swatted the back of her hand against his chest. When Gale cleared his throat, the color reached the tips of her delicately pointed ears.

“Alright you two,” Karlach said, clapping her hands like a school teacher trying to get the attention of a rowdy classroom. Though she seemed more amused than annoyed. Her expression sobered a bit as she looked at Cas. “If you’re done flirting, we have a bit of a situation with Wyll and you should probably talk to him.”

“What’s going on with Wyll?” Cas asked, and the concern in her voice felt like a lance through Astarion’s heart. “Is he okay?”

He tried not to grind his teeth as Cas turned and gathered her bag from where it lay discarded on the ground. She hadn’t even heard the answer, but just the thought of something being wrong with Wyll was enough to make her want to rush off. As if Karlach would be so calm if something was actually wrong with him.

Karlach rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, remember how he said he’d pay the price for not killing me? Mizora, his dickhead of a patron, showed up and….” She ran her hand through her hair as a muscle in her jaw visibly tensed. “The fucker turned him into a devil.”

Panic flashed across Cas’s face for a split second before a veil of stoicism fell in place. She hiked her bag up onto her shoulder, the mask faltering just long enough for her to give Astarion an apologetic smile. “I’ll see you later,” she said before turning toward Karlach. “Do you know where Wyll went?”

Karlach fell in step beside her. “He wanted to be left alone last night and he wasn’t in his tent this morning…”

A green tendril of jealousy snaked up Astarion’s spine as Cas and Karlach rushed off. Of course, Cas would immediately abandon him for Wyll. What else could he expect?

As wonderful as his night with Cas was in the moment, he couldn’t keep deluding himself.

Wyll was someone a person could actually care about. Kind, righteous, and so bloody good it made Astarion want to vomit. The type of person a woman like Cas deserved. She’d be degrading herself to settle for anything less.

There was only one plausible reason why Cas bothered with Astarion at all. It was the same reason for everyone else, and it was partly his own fault. He had seduced her, of course she wanted him for his body. His good looks and skills in the bedroom were the only things he had to offer anyway.

And yet….

Astarion exhaled deeply. None of it made any sense. Cas seemed so sincere, so happy to spend time with him. Part of him wanted to keep her close, for reasons beyond his own protection. He liked spending time with her as well. He wanted to see where things could go with her.

The heart was a fickle thing. It told him to simply pursue her because it felt good – because it felt right. It banged against the bars of its cage to which his mind held the key.

His mind was far more reliable; less prone to making foolish mistakes that his heart would leap toward blindly. It was his mind that kept him alive. His heart only caused him pain.

“She’s quite lovely, isn’t she?” Gale commented, surprising Astarion and pulling him from his thoughts. He’d been so distracted he hadn’t even noticed Gale was still lingering nearby. “You’re a very lucky man.”

“The fact there’s a tadpole in my head and we’re marching into a goblin camp later would suggest otherwise,” Astarion replied.

“Don’t be like that,” Gale said with a dismissively optimistic tone that grated on Astarion’s nerves. “Amidst everything that has befallen us recently, we have to take the good when we can find it, hmm? Cas does really seem to like you, you know.”

Astarion scoffed. “I’m sure she does,” he replied without making any effort to sound convinced by his own words. “It’d be hard not to after last night.”

Gale rolled his eyes. “I might have been out of the game for a bit, Astarion, but I’d like to think I recognize a real connection when I see one.”

“Oh, we definitely connected,” Astarion replied out of pure instinct. It was easier to make jokes and innuendos than to confront what Gale was saying.

With a groan of disappointment or disgust, Astarion wasn’t sure which, Gale folded his arms in front of him. “Listen, I’m not about to stand here and lecture you, but you’d do well not to forget who you’re dealing with,” he said and cocked his chin toward where they had last seen Cas. “I don’t know what your end goal with her is, but she’s a good woman. Treat her well.”

“Please,” Astarion said with a dismissive wave of his hand. “We’re just having a bit of fun. It’s nothing serious.”

The words felt wrong as soon as they were out of his mouth, but he couldn’t take them back. Not only because of the implied accusation toward Cas, but because they simply didn’t resonate with him the way he expected. As much as he wanted to fight it, the night he spent with Cas solidified one thing in his mind: he liked her.

There was no way around it.

It was like every time his mind reached that simple conclusion, all of his past experiences and anxieties took that realization, crumpled it into a ball, and smashed it underfoot. Then the realization would slowly creep back again, a little more resilient than before.

His mind was failing spectacularly at crushing it that morning. To think, Cas would have gone back to her tent had Astarion not convinced her to stay. And had he not kissed her… she might have been perfectly content to talk about the silly Detective Kit novels with him.

Like an actual friend.

“Even if it is ‘just a bit of fun’, as you so indecorously put it, she does care for you,” Gale said, sounding a little more serious than before. “I don’t want either of you getting hurt.”

It was Astarion’s turn to roll his eyes. Despite Gale’s diplomatic phrasing, he could read between the lines well enough. As irritating as it was, Gale’s concerns were perfectly valid.

Though Astarion didn’t set out with the intention of hurting Cas, nor did he want to, chances were good that he would anyway. The degree of that hurt, however, was up for debate.

It came down to whether or not Cas truly cared about him. If he was just a pretty body she could get lost in for a couple hours, chances were good that she wouldn’t be completely devastated if she found out Astarion had been manipulating her the entire time. Experience told him that was the most likely scenario. It wasn’t like he could break her heart if she never gave it to him to begin with.

But if Cas did care about him for more than just his looks, for more than just his skills in the bedroom…. No. It wasn’t even worth entertaining the thought.

If Astarion played his cards right, Cas couldn’t possibly get hurt because she would never find out that he was less than genuine in his affections. At the end of the day, she was his best bet for survival. He couldn’t jeopardize that.

And he really didn’t want to talk any more about it. Least of all with Gale,

“I’ll endeavor not to break her fragile little heart,” he said without putting an ounce of weight into his words. He just wanted to get Gale off his back without getting himself incinerated.

Gale shook his head with a sigh. “I suppose that’s the best I can hope for from you.”

Before Astarion could decide what Gale meant by that comment, Gale excused himself to finish preparing scrolls for the inevitable battle ahead of them.

It was for the best.

Enough had gone awry that morning. Astarion didn’t need to add a fight with Gale on top of everything else that hadn’t gone to plan.

He tried to push the events of the morning from his mind, but the more he thought about it, the worse he felt. Cas had abandoned him not once, but twice. Both times shortly after they’d been physical. Combine that with how she had asked him to hunt… she did know what that entailed, right?

If he was to get blood without drawing attention to himself, the easiest way he knew how was to seduce some poor sap and lead them off someplace private. Only, instead of leading them to Cazador, Astarion would be the one who got to satiate his hunger for once.

It wasn’t the same situation, but the parallels made him feel a little queasy. Moreover, when he thought of how Cas had rushed off to find Wyll, that bit of discomfort turned into quiet anger.

Cas was using him. Just because she was a nice person otherwise, it didn’t make that inescapable fact any less true. If Wyll were to make an offer to share his bedroll, Astarion wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if she accepted. Wood elves had a reputation for flitting around with multiple partners after all.

Still, jealousy writhed in his gut, poisonous and spreading. The muscles in his jaw tensed and would not relax even when he focused on doing so.

What the hells had he been thinking, toying with the idea that Cas saw him as something more than just a body? He had been a fool.

His wishful thinking didn’t change what he was. Nor did it change the fact that Cas had come to him in the middle of the night not because he was a man, or because he was someone she cared about, but because he was a vampire. A weapon. Something she could use to give her the upper hand in the fight ahead. His stomach sank with the realization that she might have tried to use her body to pay for it.

So be it.

If Cas wanted to fight side-by-side with a vampire, who was he to deny her? After all, he still needed to hunt, just as she’d asked. Though he wasn’t keen on risking his skin, at least finding his prey and the subsequent bloodshed was something he could look forward to.

—

Even though Karlach had given them due warning that Wyll had been turned into a devil, knowing it beforehand did not make Astarion any more prepared to see the transformation himself. At first glance, Wyll looked a bit like a tiefling without a tail. Two great horns curled from his head, his good eye red and black, and all of his features had been sharpened, turning him from boyishly handsome to more devilishly handsome.

Though Wyll appeared to be in good spirits, Cas still fussed over him in a way that made Astarion’s teeth clench. Wyll was completely fine! He looked a little different, but he was the same cocky, goody two-shoes bastard he was the day before. Given what little Astarion knew about warlock pacts, Wyll had gotten off relatively lightly considering he had disobeyed his patron.

Even a devil showed more leniency than Cazador ever did. If Astarion was a better person, he might have been relieved on Wyll’s behalf. Instead, he just felt spiteful.

And Cas wasn’t helping matters by giving Wyll her undivided attention.

Jealousy boiled in Astarion’s gut, spreading through his veins and tensing his muscles. Despite the lovely forest surrounding the trail that would lead them to the goblin camp, complete with blooming flowers and butterflies drifting on the wind, the only thing he could focus on was staring a hole into the back of Wyll’s skull.

Nothing stopped Astarion from joining in on their conversation, but he didn’t. He didn’t particularly want to talk to Gale either, given how their last talk went. Instead, he just trailed a few meters behind them, close enough to catch snippets of their conversation but far enough as not to be obvious.

“I really wish that you hadn’t had to face Mizora alone,” Cas said in that serious yet concerned tone of hers. “We’re supposed to be looking out for each other.”

“Cas, it’s okay,” Wyll replied with a gentle laugh, doing an admirable job of sounding genuinely unbothered. “There was no way you could’ve predicted when she was going to show. No need to beat yourself up about it.”

“If I hadn’t — ” Cas dragged her hand down her face and shook her head. “I should have been there for you.”

Instead of spending the night with Astarion, was her unspoken implication. There was regret in her tone. Remorse. He shouldn’t care. He really shouldn’t care. So what if Cas wished she had been with Wyll rather than him that night? As long as Cas was still on his side and wasn’t going to turn against him, she could do whatever she wanted with the Bastard of Frontiers.

It didn’t matter one bit.

But still…. What the hells had Wyll done to make her care so godsdamned much? What did Astarion need to do to get the same treatment? Not that he needed it, of course.

“You’re here now.” Astarion watched for just a moment as Wyll placed a hand on her shoulder before he forced himself to look away from the overly familiar gesture. “And I’m glad for it. A few moments talking with you, and I’m already feeling much better.”

Since neither of them could see Astarion at that moment, he rolled his eyes. Thankfully, he didn’t have to endure their conversation much longer. The smell of smoke and the beating of war drums was an unexpectedly welcome interruption.

Funny. He never thought that marching into a goblin nest would have been something he looked forward to, but anything was better than listening to Wyll flirt with Cas.

Getting into the goblin camp went much more smoothly than Astarion expected. Cas convinced the guards at the front gates that all of them - including Gale and Wyll - were hired mercenaries. Somehow, she played the part well enough that none of the goblins dared to question her. Astarion wasn’t sure whether to call her performance lying or acting. In either case, she was good enough to warrant a mental note of that talent in case she ever turned it against him.

Browned ivy climbed up the crumbling stone walls surrounding what once might have been a beautiful courtyard in the old temple of Selûne the goblins had turned into their camp. Crude wooden structures masked the once impressive architecture and vines slithered through the shattered remains of stained-glass windows. Amidst these ruins, an entire horde of goblins were engaged in feasting, drinking, and revelry, scuttling around the place like ants over discarded scraps of food.

A pungent mixture of wine, beer, roasted meat, sweat, piss, and animal droppings assaulted his senses, strong and unpleasant. It almost reminded him of the downtrodden sections of Baldur’s Gate, but much more lively. The goblins, along with a few drow, humans, and bugbears, were far too busy partaking in their own festivities to either notice or care about the state of their camp.

Many of the party-goers were simply chatting amongst themselves, with heavy mugs of ale in hand and boisterous laughter on their lips. Some were engaged in some sort of game that involved chasing an owl bear cub, others were tormenting a bard who looked oddly familiar while he struggled through his ballad, and very few seemed to even glance toward Astarion or his companions as they approached.

All in all, it seemed like a decent party. If one could ignore the filth. It wasn’t the type of party Astarion would normally attend, with stuffy nobles and far too much posturing.

No, the goblins’ party seemed far more fun.

Mainly because goblins embraced behavior that others would deem immoral or wrong. All the refinements of normal society went out the window when those little beasts were involved. Provided he was subtle about it, they might even look the other way whenever Astarion began his hunt. Across the courtyard, Astarion had already spotted a handsome young drow who looked like he might make for an easy target.

“Let’s hope that’s not Halsin on the spit over there,” Gale commented, pulling Astarion’s attention away from his potential prey. Gale wrinkled his nose in the general direction of where a couple goblins tended to some indistinguishable meat slow-roasting on a spit.

Huh. Astarion wouldn’t have thought goblins had the patience to slow cook anything. Learn something new every day.

Wyll made a disgusted noise. “Pray our luck isn’t that bad,” he said and glanced toward the doors to the temple. “The quicker we locate the leaders, the better chance we have of this whole thing going according to plan. We should get moving.”

Leave it to Mr.Hero to turn his back on a good time in favor of responsibility.

Scoffing, Astarion rolled his eyes. “Don’t be such a wet blanket, Wyll. Surely we have enough time to enjoy a drink or two first.”

Astarion watched two drunken goblins crash into each other in a fit of laughter. Having fun like anyone at a party ought to be. But no. Not him and his exceedingly dull traveling companions. All thanks to a stupid druid getting himself captured.

“Wyll’s right,” Cas said and the innocuous words felt like a slap to the face. “The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

Of course, the suggestion was perfectly understandable. Astarion expected that Cas would want to stay focused on their mission, which wasn’t even what made him clench his teeth. It was the fact that she sided with Wyll.

The way he was feeling was stupid. He knew he was being petty and ridiculous. But knowing that didn’t keep his jealousy from festering inside of him like mold and rot. It was an awful feeling, and he couldn’t quite shake it.

Astarion bit his tongue, knowing there was no use in arguing further. He just needed to focus on surviving the next couple of hours, and stewing in his progressively corrosive thoughts would only be a distraction.

It was far too late to back out of their suicide mission anyways. Despite the new possibilities Cas’s connections brought to the table, rescuing Halsin still seemed to be their best bet for dealing with the tadpole. Not to mention, the goblins themselves might know a thing or two. Still, these factors didn’t make Astarion any more eager to risk his own skin.

“Let’s meet back here within an hour,” Cas said, her eyes locking with his. “Wyll and I will see what we can find inside the temple. I overheard a goblin saying that they had someone they were questioning, and I have a feeling it’s either Halsin or they know something about him. Gale can start scouting the place for anything unusual that might relate to the Absolute, and Astarion can gather intel out here at the party. Everyone in agreement?”

It was a compromise on his behalf. She was trying to do something that would make everyone happy without passing judgment.

Astarion didn’t need to gather intel from a bunch of drunken goblins, but she was giving him the chance to indulge himself. Somehow, he felt both appreciative and offended by the offer. Like Cas didn’t think he could be of any more use than just a blade in the dark, biding his time until they decided to strike.

But the party would give him an excellent opportunity to hunt, to fulfill the one task Cas had given him to prepare for the fight ahead. The crumbling ruins boasted plenty of alcoves and places to hide, and he’d have no problem either luring or trapping his prey out of sight.

The prospect of drinking the blood of another thinking creature had his mouth watering. Tasting Cas’s blood had been a revelation, but he couldn’t help but wonder how someone else might compare.

If he had a choice, he wouldn’t pick one of the dozens of goblins milling about. He had standards, after all. Although, they likely still tasted significantly better than rats.

Astarion glanced toward where he had seen the handsome drow earlier and met a pair of red, Lolth-sworn eyes. The drow did not look away, watching him with a mixture of curiosity and approval. A smile flashed across the drow’s lips and he turned to say something to a human man standing beside him.

Cas’s hand brushed along his shoulder as she stepped past him and his skin heated in the wake of her touch. “Meet us by the broken statue in an hour, yeah?”

Astarion’s eyes flashed to the drow, and then back to Cas and Wyll.

On one hand, he was eager to begin his hunt. The drow seemed like potentially easy prey. On the other hand, he wasn’t keen on Cas and Wyll going off on some adventure without him again. Not since they came back from their last adventure all flirtations and smiles.

Not since Wyll had made his intentions toward Cas known. And especially not since Cas had been fussing over Wyll after he’d received his lovely new horns.

“Actually,” Astarion caught Cas by the crook of her arm before she could start toward the temple. “Why don’t I go with you and Wyll? In case things go awry with these True Souls.”

That was a lie, but he didn’t care. He knew Cas and Wyll could more than handle themselves. After all, they had dealt with Auntie Ethel on their last field trip. But that wasn’t the point. The point was that he didn’t want Cas alone with Wyll.

If that made him a possessive bastard, so be it.

While the drow lurking across the courtyard seemed like the perfect prey, he was willing to miss out on that opportunity if it meant he could keep his eyes on Cas instead. It wasn’t like he would have been able to completely focus on the drow if he was fixated on whatever Cas was doing with Wyll.

Cas didn’t question his sudden interest in tagging along, but simply nodded and gave him a friendly smile. “It’ll be good to have some backup,” she said, letting her fingers brush against his as she made her way toward the temple, with Astarion walking closely behind her.

—

It did not take them long to find a potential lead.

All they had to do was follow the sounds of screams; the telltale wails of a man being tortured, a man whose body was being pushed far beyond its limits but having no power to bring an end to his agony.

It was something Astarion was all too familiar with.

While one part of him felt some sympathy for the bastard, the darker part delighted in the man’s suffering and he couldn’t quite say why. Maybe it was just because he wasn’t the victim, or maybe it was because some part of him just wanted others to suffer the way he had. Who knew?

When they turned down a long corridor, toward the source of the noise, Cas whirled around and placed a hand on Astarion’s chest. “It’s a dead end down there.” Cas tilted her head towards a lone torch marking the end of the hallway. “Stay out here and keep watch?”

“And miss the fun?” Astarion’s brows drew together as he gave her a mock pout. Why didn’t she ask Wyll to keep watch? What could Wyll do that he couldn’t?

Cas looked up at him and cheekily mimicked his expression. “Please?”

To think she once said he had puppy-dog eyes. “Fine,” he huffed. “But only because you asked so nicely.”

Cas flashed a smile at him, and that alone almost made it worth sitting out whatever excitement was happening down the hall. “Thanks.”

“If anyone goes down that corridor, try to use the worm to let us know,” Wyll added and tapped his temple for emphasis. “We’ll try to be quick.”

“Oh no, take your time.” Astarion glanced toward what was presumably a torture chamber when another scream pierced the air. “I won’t let anyone crash your little party.”

Cas gave him an affirmative nod before she followed Wyll down the hall.

So much for not letting them have an adventure alone.

When the door to the torture cell shut behind them, Astarion was tempted to wander closer and see what was going on, but he resisted the urge. Cas had given him a job, and he would not risk her safety or disappointment for his curiosity.

Astarion huffed. Since when had he started to think like that? If Wyll had asked, he would have absolutely no problem going against the Blunder of Frontiers. But since it was Cas…. Astarion dragged his hand down his face.

He didn’t want to dwell on it.

He surveyed the room in front of him. It was some sort of great hall where goblins congregated much more quietly than they did in the courtyard. Apparently, the party did not extend to within the temple walls. Goblins lined up in front of an altar and presented themselves before an older goblin they called Priestess Gut. One by one, Priestess Gut spoke to them and then branded their skin with the mark of the Absolute.

No wonder the place smelled terrible. But the fact that it wasn’t the smell of his own skin was a pleasant change.

“You haven’t gotten a brand yet.” Astarion nearly jumped at the sound of a deep, masculine voice that came from his left.

It was the drow. He had followed them into the temple, and only the gods knew how much he had overheard.

But the man seemed relaxed. There wasn’t a hint of suspicion in his eyes as they trailed over Astarion’s body slowly. Appraisingly. A smirk of approval appeared on his dark lips when he turned his attention back to Astarion’s face.

“It’s not as bad as it looks,” the drow continued amicably as he took a step closer. “But I hear you’re a True Soul, so maybe you don’t need one. It’d be a tragedy to mark someone as handsome as yourself.”

The drow stood close enough that Astarion could smell the spicy scent of his cologne mixed with the wine on his breath. The man’s eyes trailed over his body once again, but he didn’t make a move to get any closer than he already was.

Good. Astarion was used to people leering over him, judging his face and body like he was some sort of prized show animal. But he didn’t want the drow to touch him.

Although…. The drow was clearly interested in him, and he would be foolish not to use the opportunity to his advantage. Cas had asked him to hunt, and dinner was practically parading himself in front of him on a silver platter.

All he had to do was grit his teeth and… do whatever the drow wanted. Technically, what Cas wanted as well. Bile rose in his throat and he swallowed it down as he plastered a smile on his face.

He had to do it. He didn’t have a choice.

If Cas and Wyll walked out now, the drow would spot them. And if he had half a brain, he would recognize that they didn’t belong anywhere near the torture cell. Their entire plan could be ruined if this drow decided to sound the alarm.

Astarion pushed himself off the wall, letting his shoulder lightly brush against the drow’s chest as he passed. “I could say the same about you,” Astarion replied, giving the same rakish grin he used to lure countless victims into Cazador’s clutches.

The drow turned his back to the corridor as Astarion wandered closer to the main chamber. Astarion glanced over his shoulder as he rested his forearms on a balustrade that overlooked the central altar and nodded for the other man to join him.

The location allowed him to be close enough to watch the corridor, but positioned in such a way the drow would have to turn around completely to see anything coming from that direction. It wasn’t an ideal scenario, but it was the best he could do without drawing the drow’s suspicion.

The half-baked plan seemed to work, because the drow followed him without a beat of hesitation. He settled himself beside Astarion, close enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his body and hear the quick pulse fluttering beneath his skin.

“Was the party not to your liking?” the drow asked, an amiable smile on his full lips. “I was disappointed to see you leave so quickly.”

It was all too easy for Astarion to fall into his role of playing the rake. Charming and seducing. A familiar sense of numbness coursed through him as he looked at the drow without really seeing him.

Astarion shifted just enough to touch the drow’s arm with his own. “I would have loved to have stayed,” he said and looked up at him through his lashes. “The party is one thing, but I think I much prefer something more quiet and intimate. Wouldn’t you agree?”

The drow gave a low hum of agreement. “In that case, I’m glad that I could get you alone for a moment.” He covered Astarion’s forearm lightly with his large hand. “I’m also glad I found you when I did before that hag got her hands on you. I would have been most disappointed.”

“Trust me,” Astarion replied. “I have no intentions of going near that goblin priestess until she puts the fire out.”

With a small shake of his head, the drow chuckled. “I wasn’t talking about Priestess Gut,” he said. “I meant the skinny wood elf you walked in with.”

A flare of indignation sliced through him, shattering the numbness that had barely taken root.

Normally, such a comment would have made Astarion laugh. It still would have, if it had been about anyone other than Cas.

“The likes of her are so far beneath you,” the drow stupidly continued. “She saw you looking at me and —” he snapped his fingers “— suddenly she was all over you. Pathetic, really.”

Wait. She was? He tried to think back to the courtyard, but it all seemed to blur together.

The idea of Cas getting jealous of him appealed to him in some strange way. Like it was a confirmation that she wanted him for more than just the pleasure that he could provide. Or — the paranoid part of his mind interjected — she simply wanted to have him all to herself. To trap him, bind him to her, the same way he had been bound to another for centuries.

Astarion glanced at his nails in an attempt to appear indifferent. “She’s touchy with everyone. I hardly even noticed.”

“Figures. Typical wood elf.”

“What ever could you mean by that, darling?” Astarion knew damn well what the drow meant, but playing dumb usually worked in his favor when trying to seduce a target. Especially with cocky men looking for someone to stroke their ego, and the drow seemed to fit the bill.

The drow shrugged and gave Astarion a wicked smile, as if they were in on some joke together. “I mean they get around,” he said. “That being said, I’m sure she won’t mind if I steal you away for a bit. She has two other men to entertain her after all.”

The drow’s words shouldn’t have bothered him, but tension coiled within him anyways. Though an anonymous elf’s opinion was ultimately meaningless, an insult to Cas felt like an insult to him.

Little did the drow know, he had just dug his own grave.

“What do you say to heading back out to the party? I’d love to have a drink with you,” the drow said, his voice low as his hand rested on Astarion’s forearm.

Then the passing of two shadows in the corridor caught his attention. Astarion averted eyes from the drow just long enough to spy Wyll and Cas as they emerged around the corner.

Steaks of blood stained Cas’s sleeve from her elbow to her wrist, but she didn’t appear to be in any pain. Hopefully, that meant the blood didn’t belong to her.

As much as Astarion enjoyed Cas’s blood, he much preferred it when it was in her body or in his mouth. Anywhere else was a cause for concern.

Wyll whispered something to Cas as he pointed to her sleeve, the blood prominent in the torchlight. Cas frowned and tried to quickly hide the stain, but didn’t have anything on hand that would work.

Without a word, Wyll shrugged off his cloak and draped it over Cas’s shoulders, wrapping his arm around her as he did. Then she smiled at Wyll, something soft and earnest, and said something that Astarion could not hear.

He didn’t need to hear it. The sight of Wyll’s arm around Cas, how she looked at him without bothering to step out of his touch, was enough to make Astarion’s stomach churn.

Wood elves got around indeed.

When she finally catch his gaze, her eyes widened for just a moment before they drifted downward to where the mercifully oblivious drow still had his hand on Astarion’s sleeve. A flash of something crossed her face. Something he couldn’t identify. Before he could scrutinize any further, she schooled her features into something like indifference.

Hiding her bloodied sleeve under the cloak, she turned back to Wyll and led them both toward the temple exit without a backwards glance.

A warm hand covered his, snapping Astarion’s attention back to the drow. “Or if you don’t want to go back to the party, I wouldn’t mind having a drink somewhere a little more private.”

The honeyed words only stirred the fetid stew of disgust, jealousy, disappointment, and contempt that roiled in his gut. Once again, Astarion swallowed down the emotions like he had so many times before.

There was no question in his mind that the drow wouldn’t survive the night. Not after what he had said about Cas. Even though Cas had gone galavanting off with Wyll, leaving Astarion alone in a temple surrounded by the enemy, he still felt obligated to fulfill her request. Hell, that was probably the reason why she had left. She had seen him with the drow and just assumed he was following her orders like a faithful pup.

No matter. Cas’s request aside, killing the drow seemed like it would be fun. There were far worse ways he could spend his evening.

Astarion turned so he and the drow were face to face, close enough that he could feel the man’s breath on his skin. “I’d love the chance to have a moment alone with you, darling,” Astarion said, using a sultry and eager tone that he knew worked well on so many. “You have a place in mind?”

The drow smiled at him and placed a hand on Astarion’s hip. “I think I know just the right spot.”

---

Beginning

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

[fanartfic]

Holding Tight and Letting Go

Tav and Halsin finally act upon the bond growing between them.

TW: None, this is all shameless fluff.

CW: Mild act 3 romance spoilers.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~}{~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tavya strode through the market on a mission. It had been a ten-day since they had defeated Orin, and she felt a little bit more comfortable making her way around the city alone, despite the Iron Watch clunking their way here and there. Halsin had finally agreed to move the camp back outside of the city to help him cope with the urban surroundings. He was why she was now in the market, hoping to find something to cheer him up a little.

In the talks they had had since coming back to Rivington, he had said he liked whittling, but she had never seen him do anything while at camp. Perhaps he was missing his tools? Tavya made her way to where she knew a Wood Wright's shop was and walked in to find the carpenter hard at work on a bookshelf.

“Good afternoon! I'm in the market for some tools.” Tavya said as she approached the counter that separated her from the rest of the shop.

“Ah, I have those in plenty. What do you need?”

“Small tools for whittling.” Tavya replied. “Tho the person using them has big hands.”

The carpenter thought for a moment then knelt down behind the counter. He rummaged about for a bit before bringing out a rolled up leather case.

“Old commission that never got picked up. The handles are a bit larger than usual.” He explained. “10 gold and it's yours.”

“Done.” Tavya dug into her purse and handed over the appropriate coin. “Thank you.”

“Nice doing business, please come again!”

Tavya wandered the market a little bit more. Stopping every once in a while to steady herself as a brainquake shook the city. She knew that they were on a time schedule for finding and defeating the elder brain, but after a long and hard fight with Orin, the group had decided to take a break.

Tav was coming into a more familiar part of the market, where she and her family sold the wares from her farm. She looped Terryns scarf, which she had started wearing again, over her head, hoping to not be recognized. She felt a pang in her chest when she saw her old cart, still sitting in its place along the wall.

How long had it been there? It had been so many ten-days since she had been here. Tav was honestly surprised that it was still there. As she looked over the cart, another vendor nearby caught a glimpse of her and eyed her suspiciously.

“Oi! That ain't yours!” She barked. Stalking over to her. “You don't touch Ms Tav’s cart ya hear me?”

Tav turned towards the vendor. She knew this woman. A soaper who would buy honey and animal fat off of her. Tav flipped back her scarf.

“It's me, Vez.”

“Tavya?”

Ves looked at her in complete shock before tears brimmed her eyes.

“You're alive! Oh thank the gods!”

Vez grabbed Tav up into a fierce hug as she cried into her shoulder.

“Yes, I'm alive. You can let me go now.” Tav patted Vez in the back.

“H-how tho? Last I saw you a tentacle came down from the sky and turned you into dust!”

“Well, I wasn't dusted, I was transported to an Illithid ship. But I'm alright now.” Tav looked at her cart again. “Have you been keeping this safe for me?”

Vez nodded. “Oh yes. I knew you'd be back for it, so I made sure the city guard and their oversized clankers didn't touch it.” she waved her hand towards the stable. “Your mule is in there, boarded and well fed.”

“Gods bless you, Vez.’ Tav smiled. Hugging Vez this time. “I'll be sure to pay you back.”

“You'll be taking them then?”

“Yes. It's time to take them home.”

Tav looked in the cart and noted that she still had a crate of honey in there, well sealed, and hidden from the sunlight. She hauled it out, then emptied half of it into another crate.

“Here, for your trouble,” Tav handed one of the crates to Vez. “I'll bring you more payment later, but for now I need to get going.”

“Oh, you don't need to do that,”

“Just take the crate, Vez.”

Vez begrudgingly took the crate. “Alright… but take care of yourself, ya hear?

“I'm doing just that, don't worry.” Tav nodded.

After collecting her mule and hitching up the wagon, Tavya made her way back to their camp. It was quieter out in Rivington, and everyone seemed more comfortable. As she drove the cart into the nearby ruined barn, Halsin approached her, a confused look on his face.

“Where did you get the cart and mule?” He asked.

“Actually, I reclaimed what was already mine,” Tav explained. “A friend of mine took it upon herself to look after Chauncey here for me after I was taken.” She patted the mule’s neck and the beast turned to nuzzle her. Tav let out a chuckle and kissed the beast between the eyes. “Later friend. Once I get some.” She turned eyes glittering with laughter to Halsin. “Chauncey here has a sweet tooth.”

Halsin let out a deep chuckle and came up to the mule. “He loves you very much. The sign of a good master.” He said, stroking Chauncey’s neck.

Tav watched Halsin for a moment before shaking herself out of her thought. “Oh, I almost forgot!” She climbed back into the cart and retrieved a bundle from under the seat. She jumped back down and handed it to Halsin. “This is for you.”

Halsin slowly took the rolled leather package. “What is this for?” He asked, a smile spreading across his lips.

“Well, you said you liked to whittle, but I’ve never seen you doing it around camp, so I found you some tools.” Tavya loosed the leather thong that bound the bundle together and unrolled it in Halsin’s hands, revealing an excellent set of carving tools. “I thought it would cheer you up, since the city isn’t exactly your cup of tea.”

Halsin stared at the tools in his hand, running one of his calloused fingers over the finely carved handles. “Tav, I-I cannot believe you remembered.” He looked up from the tools and onto Tav’s eyes. He swore they were sparkling in the sunlight that filtered through the broken roof.

“I'm glad you like them.” Tav said as she went to the back of the cart. She flipped back the canvas and grabbed a crate. “Now I got to get this to Gale. He’ll have a use for it, I'm sure.”

Halsin caught the golden glow of honey as she walked by. “Is that?-”

Tav stopped next to him, the crate on her hip

“Oh yes, can't forget about your sweet tooth either, eh?” She said, a sly smile spreading across her face as she reached in and pulled out a glass jar full of honey, with a piece of honeycomb nestled in the bottom. “It's from my bees on my farm. Enjoy.” She said, as she placed the jar in Halsin’s empty hand.

Halsin gave Tav the biggest smile she had ever seen from him. “Oh, I'm sure I will,”

Tav chuckled and turned to go.

Halsin looked down at the jar and tools in his hands. His mind flashing to her arms around him, her tears wetting his cheek, a kiss on his forehead that had brought him back from fearful darkness, and the other that had given him hope again, although he knew Tav hadn't meant for him to feel it.

Then later that night, when the terrors he had faced were haunting him, she had come to his rescue yet again, comforting him through his troubles, and assuring him that his long time of being alone was over.

He shook himself out of his thought just as Tav was leaving the barn.

“Tav?”

“Yes?”

“Would. . . Can we speak later, more privately?” Halsin asked, almost nervously. Tav didn't seem to notice. She was more concerned in that moment with how her own stomach was fluttering. “Sure. After dinner?”

“After dinner. Meet me down by the river.”

Tav nodded and turned to go. The crate on her hip, and her free hand brushing a wisp of hair back behind her ear as she passed him.

Halsin watched her go about her business around camp. Even now, she made it a point to speak with every member of their group, making sure they were supplied and doing well. She disappeared into the barn where she had set up her bedroll.

Halsin let out a sigh and shook his head.

“Oak Father preserve me. . . I'm behaving like a young cub,” he muttered as he headed back to his tent. The little plants he had been keeping needed tending, and Yenna, their newest young charge, had requested some herbs for a soup she was planning to make.

After a delicious dinner made by Gale and Yenna, Tav made her way back to where she had set up her bedroll on a stack of hay bales in the abandoned barn. As she stripped off her armor for the day, she heard Halsin talking to Astarion in the distance, saying he was going for a walk.

Tav glanced over her shoulder as Halsin wild shaped and lumbered off in bear form. Her heart fluttered, as she knew he was heading for the riverbank.

Tav took stock of the clothes in front of her. They had been stashed in her cart, safely hidden away. As she changed into the laced cotton shirt and long green skirt, she couldn't help but let out a sigh.

This was how her life should have been, she thought, as she undid her long braid and pulled the top half of hair away from her face. Her bangs she swept to the side. They had been getting long as of late and needed a trim. She reached for the laces at the collar, but then shrugged. It had been a while since she had shown much of herself. She rolled the sleeves up to her elbow to be more comfortable. The last thing she did was put on a wide belt, and tuck her dagger into its band just below her bust.

This was how she once was. A wife, mother, and farmer.

As she turned to go, she hesitated..she picked up the locket from her chest in her hand and sighed.

“Time to move on,” she said quietly.

She slipped her wedding band off her finger and placed it on the silver chain. Then she stashed it with her belongings.

Her departed husband didn't need to be with her this night.

She kicked off her boots, electing to go barefoot as she made her way down the path to the river. The compacted dirt felt cool on the soles of her feet. The peepers and crickets were beginning their nightly songs, and the fireflies were beginning to blink in the growing dark. It was pleasantly warm, but not too warm. Tav caught gusts of a faint cool breeze wafting through the trees.

She reached the bottom of the earthen bank and walked out into the floodplain of the river. The sound of flowing water reached her ears as she headed towards the shore. The moon had risen early that night, scattering it's light across the rippling water.

She paused at the edge of a clearing when she spotted Halsin. He was standing next to a large tree by the riverbank, his hand on its smooth bark. His eyes were closed as he appeared to be listening to it. As Tav stepped into view, he opened his eyes, turning to face her.

“You came. . . I wasn't sure that you would.” he said, smiling with relief.

Tav shrugged. “Well, when a big handsome elf asks you for a moonlit stroll, it's hard to say no,” she smiled in reply, walking up to him.

Tav swore she saw Halsin blush as he held his arm out to her. “Shall we?”

Tav looped her hand through his elbow and they began walking down the riverbank, stopping every now and again to admire a flower, or watch a herd of deer as they grazed nearby. Tavya let go of Halsin’s arm to approach the deer, her hand held out for the buck to smell. He sniffed nervously, then came closer, enjoying the scratches behind his ear as Tavya spoke soothing words to him. He twitched as Halsin approached, but sensed his druidic nature and let him stroke his sleek pelt a few times before wandering off with the rest of his herd.

“Beautiful animal,” Tav marveled, looking on as the deer disappeared into the woods.

Halsin looked down at Tav.

“Hmm. . . Beautiful indeed,” he said, paying no mind to the creature.

Tavya turned to look up at him. Halsin met her gaze, gently brushing her hair behind her ear.

“The Oak Father has blessed you with a connection with nature that is unique. You understand both worlds well enough to know and respect them. As you have known and understood me far more than any have taken the time to in the past.”

Tav looked up at Halsin skeptically. “I can't be the only one.”

“Within recent memory, at least.”

“Come now, that isn’t true.” Tavya nudged his arm.

“It is true. I have never been blessed with a long-term partner, or a family of my own.” Halsin said, a hint of regret in his voice. “You have had that deeper connection to someone though. You truly became one with them, shared yourself with them. . .had a child with them. I can claim no such thing.”

“I find that hard to believe.” Tav raised an eyebrow. “Over your long life, not one of your relationships resulted in a family?”

Halsin shook his head. “No. . .never have I had such happiness. Such opportunities passed me by, unfortunately. Swallowed up by the burden and responsibilities of an Archdruid.”

Tav stared at the leaves that littered the path in front of her. “From experience,” she began. “The day that Japheth was born was the happiest of my life.” She said, hugging her free arm close to her chest. “Which makes the day I lost her all the more painful.”

She kicked a loose stone and watched it scuttle down the path. “So painful that I fear reliving it.”

She felt Halsin reach an arm across her shoulders, his large hand cupping her shoulder. “Forgive me. I did not wish to make you relive your pain.”

Tav shook her head. “You didn't. We’re just talking.” She said. “And I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone. . . Save you.”

They continued on in silence, enjoying the fresh breeze and the songs of the birds above them. At length, Halsin spoke.

“Tavya. . . I. . .” He paused, unsure of how to continue. “I have lived a long time. Over 350 years, I have taken many lovers.”

Tav raised an eyebrow, wondering what he was getting at. “So you have said,”

“But my heart does not stir lightly.” Halsin stopped her on the trail and gently touched her cheek with the back of his knuckles. “Not like it does now.”

“I think your heart might stir more easily than you think,” said Tav.

“Then tell me I’m wrong, and I'll leave the matter to rest. I do not wish to sour our friendship, but I have to know if I can be something more. Especially after. . . After everything. The goblin camp, Shadow Curse. . . Bhaal’s temple. Every time, you have been at my side aiding me. Your face was the first I saw in the darkness every time.”

Tav stared up into Halsin’s hazel eyes. They stared back at her in nervous anticipation.

“I’d be lying if I said you were wrong.” She answered, taking the hand that touched her cheek and kissing the calloused knuckles. “I just. . . don't know how to say you are right.”

Halsin let out a shaky sigh of relief as he pulled Tavya into his chest, holding her tightly. He buried his nose into her hair and breathed in deep, enjoying the scent of citrus and clove that he had smelled the night after coming back from Bhaal’s temple, when she had embraced him while soothing him from a nightmare. She had revealed more of her care for him then, while he wondered how she kept going the way she did, still helping everyone else around her before herself in spite of everything.

It’s time to change that. He thought, as he felt Tavya’s arms wrap around his thick waist. It was time someone did for her, what she did for everyone else.

“Thank the gods. . . I feared I was merely behaving like a lovesick 90yr old again,”

Tavya laughed as she hugged him tighter.

“Gods, you couldn't have said it any better!”

Halsin pulled away a little so he could see her face. Her eyes sparkled in the moonlight, and the shoulder of her tunic had slid off of one shoulder, revealing the scar on her collarbone from Myrkul. His hands slid down her back to her hips as he leaned over to kiss it.

Tav gasped quietly at the gentle touch of his lips on her skin, her hands gripping his arms. Halsin moved up the side of her neck, gently kissing along the way until he paused in front of her mouth.

“Is this alright?” He asked, his voice barely above a whisper. “Is this what you want?”

Tav sighed shakily as emotions and sensations she hadn’t felt in a long time welled up in her. Her heart raced as she looked up, catching his gaze. The tip of her nose brushed against his as her eyes shifted to his mouth, the apples of her cheeks beginning to blush.

”All I want is you, Halsin Silverbough.” She replied, as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Halsin captured Tavya’s lips with a moan, finally being able to show her how much she meant to him. She relished every sensation: The feel of his large hands as they moved to her thighs, picking her up like she was as light as a feather: The faint taste of the honey he had with his bread after dinner on his lips: The smell of herbs and leather that clung to his clothes and hair.

She wanted all of him.

Suddenly, Tav was dropped back to her feet as Halsin stumbled back. He groaned as he seemed to struggle with himself as he fell to all fours.

“Halsin?” Tavya reached out to him.

“No!” He growled as looked up at her one more time, his eyes aglow with golden light as fur sprouted from his body. In a flash he wild-shaped, startling Tav, and sending her backwards to the forest floor.

Tav pushed herself up onto her elbows and looked on in shock as the cave bear regarded her. In a moment there was another flash, and Halsin slowly got to his feet, stumbling backward.

”Forgive me, I lost the run of myself. Sometimes, when the blood runs hot, it’s difficult to tame the beast.” He looked away, unable to bring himself to make eye contact with her. Tavya got to her feet and approached him.

He looked so ashamed and disappointed in himself for losing control of his bear form, but as she drew nearer, Halsin finally looked at her with a tinge of fear in his eyes. Fear that she would leave after such a display.

“It’s alright. . .I actually might like it.”

Halsin looked up in surprise. “You. . .like it?”

Tavya sidled up to him and took his hands in hers, guiding them back to her hips.

“Yes, I’m glad to know I have that effect on you,” she said, once again wrapping her arms around his neck. “Let’s save it for another time, shall we?”

Halsin smiled in relief.

“Come here to me,”