#I’ve watched so many interviews that I could answer at least 2/3 of the questions people usually ask

[redbullcateringfiction]

Chapter 2 -

Cantata

Arabella is the executive assistant for Mercedes Team Principal Toto Wolff. 10 years into her career, it looks like the tide is changing, and she's beginning to question her relationship with him. Is it something more, or nothing but an idea lingering in her head?

F/M, Fluff, Boss/Employee Relationship, Romance, Pining, Love, Slow Burn

Second chapter below the cut or click here for AO3

Click here for the previous chapter on Tumblr, and click here for a list of all chapters

(Total: 7270 words thus far)

“How long have you been with Mercedes?” Mr. Wolff asked me.

“2 years at this point,” I nodded.

“And prior to that?”

“I was a personal assistant for an acting agent at United Agents,” I answered. “Prior to that, I received a Level 5 executive assistant diploma and project management diploma at Souters in the Netherlands.”

“What languages are you fluent in?”

“German, Dutch, Arabic, English, and French,” I explained.

“Arabic…that’s helpful,” he nodded.

“Yes. There was a continuous call for an executive assistant in the marketing department who spoke Arabic when I first applied here. I thought I’d be a good fit.”

“You only have 5 years’ experience at this point, and only 2 in Formula 1. Would you be prepared to take on the level of responsibility that this comes with?”

“With all due respect, Mr. Wolff, I’ve made it through 5 rounds of interviews and 4 exams. I have yet to fail a single one. This might just be what I was made for.”

Mr. Wolff looked up from his note pad and smirked. He seemed to think for just a moment, and then looked me in my eyes. “I agree. Can you start next week?”

~

“There’s a 90-day trial period when you first begin. If we decide to proceed, you’ll sign a formal employment contract for this role. If we don’t, returning to your role in Marketing will still be an option. If this role re-opens, you can re-apply in a year. Do you understand?” The HR manager asked me.

“Yes,” I nodded.

“Do you mind if I say something…off the record so to speak?” He asked.

“No, no problem. Go ahead,” I nodded.

“This will be very hard. And you’re quite young. What, 25? You’ve been here for 2 seasons. We’ve only really been this team, like this at least, for 3 seasons. This will only continue to get harder. With Haug gone, we’ve got this new guy. You’re not just his assistant, you’re going to act like his curator with everyone else. You’re going to be the one really driving this connection. Afterall, you’re the one who plans every step of the day. If you leave during those 90 days, you get to take home 50% of your salary to keep you from going to another team. If you leave after 6 months, you get to take home 100% of the salary for a whole year. I’m just saying, you won’t struggle if you get tired of this.”

I thought for a moment. Was he telling me to leave or was he telling me I could? Was this a warning or a recommendation?

“Thanks,” I answered. I picked up my new badge off the desk. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

~

“It’s the end of the 90 days, Ms. Lazaar,” Mr. Wolff said, sitting me down at his desk. “Let’s have a talk.”

I could feel my forehead dripping beads of sweat. I hadn’t been perfect. Not at all. But I’d been pretty darn close. I have no clue what the threshold is for failure. That’s not something I was entirely used to. Executive assistants frequently find themselves doing this for years. If this didn’t work out, I don’t know if I would want to go back to marketing. I had spent the past 3 months in different countries, watching races from the pit practically. I experienced Formula 1 at a level I never imagined. Going back to sitting at a desk answering phone calls wouldn’t cut it anymore. This felt like it. And there’s only so many teams. There are only so many jobs just like this with my skillset. If this didn’t work out…well…I’d probably be at a bank by next year.

“How do you think you’ve done?” He asked. I hated questions like these. What was the point? You already know how I’ve done.

“I think I’ve done well. I haven’t been perfect. The first two weeks were hard, but after that settling in was easy,” I explained, with a small white lie about the ease. Nothing about this was easy.

“Easy?”

“I may have been bluffing,” I quickly gave up. He chuckled in response. Suddenly the air felt much lighter. My nerves suddenly subsided. I blotted my forehead with a tissue.

“Do you feel close to burning out at all?”

Yes. “No.”

“Was that a bluff?”

Okay, maybe I had been a bit emphatic with that no. And perhaps a bit dramatic with my thinking. “A little. This isn’t easy. This is hard. This is tiring. But I like it. I think I might even love it. I enjoy it. Sacrificing a few hours of sleep makes this worth it,” I answered.

“Well, I can tell you enjoy it. I think you’ve done a great job. I’m excited to see what you do with the rest of your tenure here at Mercedes,” He smiled, passing me an official hiring contract. I signed it with no second thoughts.

~

I looked down at my Tinder profile. In several of the pictures, I had put forth an effort to show off my long and dark curly hair. My favorite picture, was of course, first. It helped to showcase the kind of lifestyle you lead to ensure you only get matches you actually like. That picture was of me, on a yacht in Monaco with Lewis Hamilton and Valtteri Bottas. What else screams “are you good enough for me?” quite like that? I need a new one though. This was getting a bit old.

“Ten years, yes?” Toto suddenly asked.

“Huh?” I lilted, looking up from my phone.

“Ten years at Mercedes for you. Coming up, isn’t it?”

“Is it? Has it been 10 years? Oh…well yes. I guess it has. I think in April.”

“April 18 th , to be exact,” He nodded.

“Cool,” I sighed, going back to my phone. I felt a hand come over and my phone had suddenly disappeared out of my view. I turned and Toto had it in his hand. This was the stuff of nightmares. There is no way in hell my boss can know I’m on Tinder. My heart jumped out of my chest as I suddenly went to reach over for it, I saw the screen had darkened. He at least had done me the favor of pressing the power button.

“Give it back,” I groaned.

“You’re so glued to your phone,” He mockingly groaned back.

“It’s literally my job to be.”

“Ah, then what are you so busy with at this moment that you can’t tell me what you’d like for your 10 th anniversary at the company?”

“None of your business,” I frowned.

“Then answer what it is that you’d like.”

“I don’t know, a pen or something? Can I have my phone back now?”

“A pen? A fucking pen? For a decade at a company, you want a pen? ”

“Yes. I’d love a pen. Now give me back my phone.”

He disappointingly handed over my phone. I continued swiping away until I noticed him take out his own phone. I looked up and scoffed, and he chuckled knowing exactly why. I looked back down and saw a profile that stood out. A super like.

Jeffrey, 40

I’m the nice guy your mom told you to settle down with, but with slightly less hair and more traveling.

Yeah, I’ve read worse. I swiped right and messaged him. As I patiently waited for a response, I looked back at Toto. I watched as he looked through the padfolio, seemingly memorizing every word on the page. I had, for a long time, deliberately put my head in the sand when it came to him. This morning though had seemed to shock me, and suddenly I found myself lingering on him. His hands turning the pages, his glasses slipping off his nose, and the way his dark eyes traced the pages I had written. In many ways, he is incredibly-Ah, my phone vibrated.

Jeffrey: Hey! Nice to meet you, Arabella. You’re a secretary?

I sighed and typed out my reply. Not a secretary. An executive assistant. “Fucking men,” I mumbled. Toto looked over with an eyebrow raised. I awkwardly smiled and went back to my phone.

Jeffrey: Oh, sorry! So, you know Hamilton?

If I were the type to cackle evilly, I would at this moment.

Me: I work with him.

Now, to let that fester a little bit. I looked down into my bag and pulled out my schedule and began making the necessary calls for tonight. It’s important to verify everything. First, the hotel, immediately followed by the driving company. I had nearly forgotten and phoned down UBS to ensure that the investors have their meeting scheduled for the correct time. I placed the necessary checkmarks in my schedule that represented ‘Yes, I’ve called them. Now it’s their fault if anything has gone wrong.’

And of course, to top it off, Bombardier. “Yes, we have the jet chartered for tomorrow morning at 8am,” Our private contact, Leanna, answered.

“Oh, perfect. And could you make sure that breakfast is ready for everyone?”

“Yes, absolutely. The usual for everyone?” She asked.

“Yes, and make sure Mr. Wolff’s pumpernickel snaps like a cookie. I think I recall it being a little too lightly toasted last time. Oh, and next week, we have that flight scheduled, too? Right?”

“Yes. I’ll send you an email too to verify all the rest of the flights for the year. But for you, Arabella! I don’t have your breakfast here.”

“Oh, I’m going to cook for myself in the morning. I’m a sucker for an English breakfast.”

“You sure?” She insisted.

“Really, Leanna. They are my bread and butter. Literally.”

She gave me a nice pity chuckle. “Okay, well, Francis will meet you at Heathrow.”

“Thank you, Leanna. Speak with you next week.”

“Obviously!” She laughed, hanging up the phone. I placed my checkmark next to the flight. I looked over at my phone and saw the new response.

Jeffrey: Oh, you work at Brackley?

You could say that.

Me: Yes.

Jeffrey: Well, I’d love to meet with you tonight and talk more about ourselves. What time are you free?

I gave it a little thought. It’s so easy to plan for everyone else.

Me: Does 9pm work for you?

Jeffrey: Perfect, how about Angler?

I’m impressed. And its close! Oh, God. Does he work for UBS? Am I over thinking this? I’m overthinking this. Why would 9pm be okay if he worked for UBS? He would certainly be at this event.

Me: Perfect-er.

Jeffrey: See you then.

I took my last glance at my phone before looking up at the driver’s GPS. 45 minutes left to go. I checked my email and did the slightest bit more work but otherwise enjoyed the little break I was getting. Every so often, I would peek my head up at Toto and watched him do little of much alike me. It doesn’t take long to read the documents I prepare, by design. I watched briefly for a moment as he Facetimed his children and watched his face beam with pride and joy. I tried not to watch for long, pretending instead that I wasn’t listening. Slowly, but surely, 45 minutes turned to 30, and then to 5. Then all of a sudden we were on the move. I grabbed the suitcases out of the trunk as Toto managed the other bags. We headed in through the large omniscient glass doors after crossing the courtyard, and I phoned down to the UBS executive assistant.

“Hello, this is Marie.”

“Hi, Marie. It’s Arabella and Mr. Wolff. We’re in the lobby,” I spoke quietly.

“Excellent, I’ll come down and meet you. Mr. Fischer will be about 5 minutes late for the meeting, but Mr. Wolff is welcome to start.”

“I’ll let him know. Thank you, Marie,” I said, right before hanging up.

“Okay, Toto. Bobby Fischer is going to be about 5 minutes late, but you’re welcome to start. Please actually do start. Don’t linger,” I explained.

“Will do, Arabella,” He sighed. He handed me my crossbody and I slinged it over my shoulder. “Ah there she is.”

I looked across the lobby and saw Marie walking towards us. The world of executive assistants is small, and we’ve truly all begun to know each other. Not all of the driver’s have assistants but Marie was Lewis Hamilton’s ex-assistant. Leaving your boss in this line of work is truly a bit like a break up, and this must feel like running into your ex’s parents a bit. I still get uncomfortable walking past the Marketing department. However, Marie was just like most of us current or ex F1 assistants. She was a hard ass. Much more controlling than you’d expect out of your typical assistant, and if I’m considered demanding, Marie is 10-fold. I don’t know if that management style worked for Lewis, but it's what a field like banking demands at times, so I imagine the crossover wasn’t as odd as it must seem. 

“Wonderful to see you again, Arabella. And you too, Toto. Arabella, meet us on the 38th floor at approximately 1:30. I can have coffee made for you at arrival. Black coffee right?” It sounded less like a question and more like a statement.

“Absolutely. See you then,” I nodded. She ceremoniously walked towards the elevator with Toto, almost like a passing of the torch. I headed outside and brought up the directions to the hotel. Just around the corner really, but I can be a bit silly and somehow get all turned around. Truly why F1 driving was never for me.

I wandered into the hotel and saw the clear signs for the Angler restaurant. I knew it was close to the hotel, but it hadn’t processed it was in the hotel. I walked up to the check in counter while sending off the quickest message to my Tinder date. Have you made reservations? 

“Hello, yes, I need to check in for Torger Wolff,” I explained.

“Ahh, for the Mercedes F1 team staying here tonight?” She asked. 

“Yep,” I nodded.

“Can I see some ID?” 

I handed over my ID and my phone quickly buzzed. 

Jeffrey: Yes! Wouldn’t dare not to.

Oh, perfect. Great. Couldn’t get any better. 

Me: Oh! Perfect! Great, couldn’t get any better! See you there.

I looked back up at her while she studied my ID. 

“Are you with the Mercedes F1 team?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“What is it that you do?” She asked, almost snidely. 

“I’m an assistant.”

“To whom?”

“Who do you think? Lewis Hamilton? Or the guy who’s bags I’m trying to drop off?” I smiled.

“Well, I don’t see you have a room booked here. How am I to know if you’re not just a groupie or something?”

“A groupie? In a suit?” I questioned, before shaking my head. I was trying to shake off what I really wanted to say in this instance. “Check the notes. It’s very clear that I’m authorized to enter his room and to check in.”

“I see no notes,” She smiled. 

“Then call your supervisor,” I smiled back. I saw her roll her eyes as she picked up the phone. Soon enough, a young gentleman walked behind the counter. He had to be younger than me.

“Yes?” He asked.

“She is attempting to check in for the Mercedes F1 Team Principal. I see nothing on here about her checking him in,” She explained. Her manager took a glance at the computer screen, then over at me. He looked me up and down, before going back to the computer screen.

“Is this your ID?” He asked.

“Yes,” I groaned.

“Please, don’t catch an attitude. We’re simply trying to ensure the safety of our guests,” He smiled. An attitude? “I see you have no room booked tonight under the block of rooms for Mercedes-Petronas. Am I to believe that you simply are here to enter his room and then leave?”

“Yes, you absolutely are. Especially considering I have shown you my ID,” I explained.

“Then why aren’t you staying here if you’re with the team?”

“I live in London. In Chelsea?” I nodded.

“That’s a long way from here,” He sighed.

“Is it? It’s like half an hour,” I insisted. “No, nevermind that. I am here to check in for Toto-Torger Wolff. I am his executive assistant. I have a badge for Brackley that I will happily show you. I have no intention of staying at your hotel today because I would like to sleep in my own bed before heading to a whole other country for testing. I would like to simply drop off his bags in his room and ensure everything is up to snuff because that is my job . Nothing else, nothing more.”

“How about you just give us the bags and we’ll drop them off in his room?” He tried to appeal to my growing frustration.

“How about I take the bags up so I can do the other half of my job?” 

He simply shook his head. I handed him my Brackley ID and he looked it over.

“Could these be faked?” He another hotel staff member who came over due to the commotion

“Fur sure they cud’ be,” he answered in a thick scottish accent. “My mukker’s git one for McLaren.”

“We won’t accept this,” He smiled at me again. The smiles were beginning to look faker and faker by the moment. This is the primary issue I find myself in being a Black woman working for what are essentially, sports celebrities. At this point, I wouldn’t be surprised if they turned around and asked Lewis to leave. 

“Here,” I gave up. I took out a business card for Bono. “Has he checked in yet? Give him a call and let him verify me.”

They took the card and dialed the number. They hung up after a few moments.

“He didn’t pick up,” They shrugged. 

“Fine, do me the favor of at least taking the bags then? Up to the room?” I babbled. Words seemed to be lost on me at this moment.

“I think we’ll actually not. We can’t be sure what the content of those bags are,” the manager nodded.

Please. For fuck’s sake. “I’ll see you back at 2:00pm,” I tried to smile.

I took the bags back over to the UBS offices, and took the elevator up to the 38th floor and walked towards Marie’s desk. There she was sitting scrolling through her phone.

“Oh, Arabella,” she mumbled looking up. She looked at the clock, and then at her phone, and then up at my face. She stood up and looked down at my hands. “You’re early…and you still have the bags. Was the room not ready?”

“They refused to let me in,” I sighed. 

“Again?” She questioned. I raised an eyebrow up at her. She was a pale skin tone, and had medium brunette hair that brushed her shoulders. 

“I’m black, Marie. Yes, again,” I stated as I sat on the chairs by the office entrance.

She frowned. “Let me go get your coffee, love.” It was truly the lightest voice, and kindest voice, Marie had ever offered me. She usually gives me no type of affection, even though were in the same career. I think it’s a bit cutthroat and she got used to turning everyone away. I wasn’t used to this type of response from her. She soon returned and handed me the cup of coffee, sitting down next to me.

“Well, I’m sorry about that. I know, beyond all else, I can’t understand this type of situation as deeply and as well as you. Nonetheless, I know you’re good at your job, and that this simply isn’t fair for someone of your caliber.”

I stared into the cup of coffee for a moment, really letting her response process. I looked up at her and her flat expression. A signal of care for her. 

“Thanks, Marie,” I offered a slight smile as I sipped my coffee.

“No need to fake a smile. I would call, but they’d probably pretend they don’t know who I am either,” She acknowledged. 

“Don’t worry. His bags have to get in somehow.”

“So, what have you been up to you? Outside of this?”

“Nothing really. This is all I’ve been up to.”

“Listen, I don’t miss that life at all,” She mumbled. “There’s nothing quite like getting to work at 9 in the morning, and leaving at 5 in the evening. This is consistency. There’s no jetting across the world. I mean, I can actually have a relationship. I’m getting married, for Christ’s sake. That’s not possible in F1.”

“I want none of those things.”

“Is that why your phone just went off with a Tinder notification?” She chuckled. I looked down and Jeffrey had sent a message. I think I just passed you in Broadgate Circle! You must be there for the Mercedes event tonight at UBS, right?

I quickly responded. Yes, actually! Sorry, I didn’t notice you.

“That’s for hookups,” Not for boyfriends.

“Ah, nothing more, huh?” She answered.

“No.”

Jeffrey: Oh! Did you want to push our dinner to another day? Or did you want to meet at the event? I’m a lawyer for UBS so I didn’t see much of the point of going, but I’d be happy to.

Fuck. 

Me: No, no! I’m completely fine with meeting at 9. I’m leaving the event early.

Jeffrey: Okay, great! Sorry if there was any confusion. See you at Angler.

I wasn’t overthinking! Isn’t this the best? Your anxiety being right always prevents it from going too far the next time. Obviously. Totally. For sure.

“I’ll leave you to your work now,” Marie smirked, standing up. “But I highly recommend leaving F1. What’s the plan? To be 60 and still galavanting around?”

“Presuming Toto Wolff still is, yes,” I grinned falsely. She rolled her eyes and walked behind her desk. I looked over my notes for the hotel. Everyone knew I was supposed to be checking in, and yet, nothing changed. These kinds of things seem to somehow never change. But, my checkmark reassured me. You did everything right. Now it’s their fault if anything goes wrong. That’s what it means, and it's a serious thing. 

Soon enough, Toto left the meeting.

“Have a good afternoon, everyone! See you tonight,” He smiled, shutting the door. He looked over and saw me with the bags, and gently pinched the bridge of his nose. “Again, Arabella?”

“Again.”

“Once every few years, huh,” He said, grabbing the bags and immediately walking towards the elevator. I jumped up and followed him. As the years had gone on, Toto had gradually become more keenly aware of two things: He is a celebrity, and I am Black. As a result of his growing celebritas, and my very unchanging Blackness, these types of occurrences had become more frequent. 

“So what was the reason now?” He asked. 

“I look like a groupie,” I shrugged.

“A groupie? In a suit?” 

“That’s what I said.”

Toto rolled his eyes and moved his glasses to his shirt collar.

“How was the meeting?” I offered.

“The usual. Numbers this, offers that. Etcetera, etcetera,” He waved his hand almost at the suggestion we could have a normal conversation at this moment. I took that as my sign to quiet down, and just follow him. So I did. The second we arrived to the hotel I watched as the original front desk employee scurried to the back, and the supervisor made a return. He smiled far too brightly for this moment.

“Arabella, introduce yourself,” Toto gestured to the supervisor as we walked up.

“No introduction necessary. The employee who just ran to the back introduced originally,” I smiled, even more brightly than the supervisor. I watched as his look turned a bit sour.

“Ah, well go grab her too. Was anyone else involved in this?” Toto asked me.

“A Scottish man but he didn’t really have much to say,” I shrugged.

“Oh, never mind who did and didn’t say anything. The point remains. Go grab the other two individuals she’s referring to,” He ordered the supervisor. We watched as he scurried about the backroom and nearly dragged the two out by their necks. As they approached the desk, he hid behind them like a scared puppy.

“I saw that your name tag said front desk manager, you can’t hide behind these two,” Toto complained. The man stepped from around the two employees. “Go ahead, tell me what happened.”

“What happened with what? I’m sorry, can we check you in Mr. Wolff? I’m not sure what’s going on,” The young lady suddenly piped up.

“You seem awfully scared to not know. Let me have an explanation, please,” Toto nodded.

“Well-” She began to speak again but was quickly interrupted by her boss.

“We asked her to show ID, and the produced ID appeared to be fake. So we did not allow her into the room,” The manager stated, suddenly piping up.

“So, did she provide any other identification?” Toto asked. 

“No,” The manager replied.

“Arabella, don’t you usually have a lanyard with your Brackley ID on it?” Toto asked, turning to me.

“Oh, yeah, they have it. I never grabbed it back. Nor my ID for that matter, which they didn’t mention being potentially fraudulent when I came up here,” I sighed. 

Toto put his hand out, and they handed over my identification. A Danish passport and the Brackley ID.

“And Bono’s card,” I gestured. The manager reached into the trash and took out Peter Bonnington’s business card, and handed it to me.

“So, did you call Bono?” Toto asked them.

“We did yes, but he didn’t pick up,” The manager replied.

“Oh okay, let me verify right quick,” Toto nodded, taking out his own phone and dialing Bono. “Bono, hello, you’re on speaker phone. Did you get a call from the hotel earlier?”

“No…was I supposed to?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Toto said immediately before hanging up. He just simply stared at them for a moment.

“Here’s your room key, Mr. Wolff,” The front desk woman said, handing the key to Toto.

“One for me, too,” I smiled. She produced another and handed it to me, with huge screaming eyes that said ‘save me.’ No, I don’t think I will.

“And at this moment, right now, place a note on the account saying Arabella Lazaar is my assistant and any needs she may have related to my reservation should be addressed,” Toto ordered them.

“Actually, could you tell me who made the block for the rooms?” I asked.

“That would be uh…” The manager said, scrambling around the computer. “Um…you Ms. Lazaar.”

“Is this incompetency or is this bigotry? I’m not sure which, but whichever, I recommend the three of you have new jobs lined up in the morning. And when they ask ‘Oh how did you get fired?’ Don’t put anyone from my team’s name in your mouth, including my own,” Toto grumbled. They nodded, and he turned on his heel and walked towards the elevator.

“Oh, Mr. Wolff!” The front desk lady nearly screamed at the top of her lungs. “We’ve upgraded your room to the presidential suite.”

He threw his hand up dismissively as we got into the elevator, as if to say both ‘thank you’ and ‘just stop.’ As we got in he turned to me and took a deep breath. 

“They were quite the group of idiots weren’t they? I’ll call the company behind this place and get it sorted out.”

“I appreciate that.”

“Nothing to appreciate really, these things shouldn’t go this way. You provided everything they needed, and yet they decided to still treat you wrong. That’s on them, and they should’ve known there would be consequences for their actions,” He explained. “We have our own security. It helps when the front desk at hotels also pays attention to possible situations, but at the end of the day, they’re not supposed to go beyond their liability. They took it much too far, and who’s to know if you were the first, or if they’d be worse next time?”

“I understand that, but,” I hesitated. “They still need their jobs, and I don’t want my boss turning around and using his fame to protect me.”

Toto looked up at me, and smiled. “Arabella, we have responsibilities to one another. You handle nearly every moment of my life. In turn, yes, I pay you, but I also make sure that while under my employment, you’re well treated. That would be the same if this were Formula 1 or if it were just another company.”

I thought for a moment, and while I knew he was right, I don’t know how comfortable I felt having anyone take responsibility for me. But…I suppose…everyone needs things addressed that they can’t handle themselves. There isn’t really anyone else for me to rely on. That’s kind of frightening. Suddenly, Marie’s words hit me like a ton of bricks. I almost thought I would get dizzy. I’m 35 now. I love my life, but am I wasting it? Should I be settling down? 

I looked over at Toto who seemed to be patiently awaiting my response. 

“Yes. You’re right,” I stated, a little too shakily. 

“Are you nervous?” He asked as we exited the elevator. 

“No, just stressed, really.”

“You have vacation days. You should take one,” Toto shrugged, pressing the key to the door and swinging it open. 

“I only use them during the holiday break. We’re far from that.”

“If you think of the week between testing and the first race as a holiday, then it’s right around the corner,” He winked, as he opened the door for me.

“Absolutely not,” I chuckled, setting his suitcase on the bed. I took a quick look around the room and then texted security to let them know Toto was inside the hotel room. 

“Looks good, Toto. I’ll head out,” I said with a quick head nod. 

“There’s a whole separate room attached here. If you want to change here, you’re welcome to,” He spoke without looking up from his phone. 

I could feel my cheeks get hot, so without thinking I just ran out of the room, trying to pretend I didn’t hear him. I immediately pressed my hand to my forehead. That was stupid. It was a relatively normal offer. There was nothing weird about that and yet I reacted like he asked me to jump off of the London eye. Shit. I made it weird didn’t I? Or did he make it weird? Was it weird at all? No, no it wasn’t. God, Arabella. Stop overthinking for once. I headed for the elevator and went down. As I was leaving, I couldn’t resist making a little bit of eye contact with reception. 

Ha.

Tags: @daddyslittlevillain

[ferallester]

okay so I didn’t have the motivation to do Appreciation Week at first, but seeing @yonpote do it all in one day has inspired me so let’s do it! (but with screenshots and stuff bc Yeah LMAO)

for @dpgdaily’s Dan and Phil Appreciation Week!

post is under a break so that it doesn’t just break tumblr

Day 1 - Favourite Dan and/or Phil quote:

the entire opening from the pinof 7 bloopers is hilarious but by far one of my favourite quotes (one that has continually haunted me since 2016, when I watched it for the first time) is:

D: Stand still!

P: Stencil!

D: … I’m gonna hit you. [laughs] Shut up!

I quote this weirdly often in my fics. In fact, I’m pretty sure two of my recent published fics use it as a reference. I didn’t realise until now that I was partially misquoting it XD

I also can’t not mention, from Basically I’m Gay (the entire part from when Dan starts talking about Phil is linked, quote starts about twenty seconds later):

D: We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates […]

maybe he was trying to be ironic, but there’s something intensely poetic about his body language when he describes them as actual soulmates

I’m obsessed with it, but in like the way people don’t shut up about Pride and Prejudice, maybe, idk I’m just bisexual and hoping that I get half as lucky as the boys have

there are many more moments tbh I could say LMAO

Day 2 - Favourite Dan and Phil Series:

OUGHHHHH THIS ONE IS ACTUALLY REALLY DIFFICULT—

what is now called Season 1 of the Sims 4 and the Undertale playthrough are VERY close contenders, but I think my favourite series is actually the DITLs! (there’s no playlist for this one rip)

you can easily split them into two or three sections (depending on if you count any of The Making Of videos for TABINOF, the calendars, or the prep for II as DITLs), and each section has something wonderful to enjoy!

the ‘local’ DITLs (Manchester and London) are incredibly domestic, with the boys just going about a semi-typical day, and the Festive DITL honestly just turns that up to a hundred, I love the domestic ones so much

the ‘holiday’ ones too (Japan and Australia) are also super fun, because we get to see the boys doing silly touristy things like holding koalas or hanging around one of the busiest intersections in Tokyo (I also keep hearing conspiracies about the Australian one LMAO)

the ‘making of’ videos are their own unique source of slice-of-life entertainment, because They’re Getting Important Stuff Done but they’re making it entertaining for us too

my favourites are the original DITL and Festive DITL <3

Day 3 - Favourite Dan and/or Phil Outfit:

used @phanoutfitsblog’s screenshots for most of these, with the exception of Dan’s initial look in the baking video (also I’d be lying if I said that Sister Daniel wasn’t high up on this list hhhh)

can Phil stop being pretty for FIVE MINUTES JEEZ— it’s actually incredibly difficult to pin down favourite outfits for him bc he just. Keeps. On. WINNING.

his red shirt in the red carpet roasting video is probably the most iconic so far but it could really have been literally any other outfit he’s worn in the last several years

and Dan’s no slouch, either! this man is gorgeous and he ROCKS it! he wore this particular shirt (?) to an interview (or at least it was framed like one) and he looks INCREDIBLE in it but I can’t remember where I found the other screenshot so I won’t post it lmao

his initial appearance in the Halloween baking video before he changes into Sister Daniel is also equally pretty bc of the makeup and honestly? gimme your gender Howell

other honourable mentions include a recent magazine shoot that I’ve forgotten the name of (some phan I am LMAO, shame on me for only remembering the pink), and his dystopia motorcycle twink shirt from the red carpet video

Day 4 - Favourite Joint Content

oooh, difficult question, that’s like choosing a favourite child! still, the answer to this one is a lot simpler than Day 5 below, because it’s the original PINOF, as well as the photobooth challenge!

while PINOF wasn’t my initial introduction to the boys (that goes to the Sims 4), it’s one of the earliest things I watched of them, and almost certainly what got me to stick with them! (along with the Sims 4… LMAO)

Dan says he was being ironic when he said ‘this is the most fun I’ve ever had, and maybe it’s the tism kicking in, but he doesn’t sound sarcastic or ironic when he says that

it’s pretty clear from the get go that they’re two boys (boys in love, even) making a silly video, having absolutely zero idea that it’s going to change the world <3

the pb challenge, meanwhile, is just incredibly funny, I remember almost hurting myself from laughing so hard the first time I watched it XD it hasn’t aged perfectly, but that’s most things from ten years ago

the honourable mentions list is VERY long so I won’t put all of them here LMAO, but the Get Down video is one of them XD

Day 5- Favourite DanAndPhilGames video

oooh, another difficult question, here, because more often than not, the answer is yes! I could say the Halloween baking video one day, and the Katamari video the next, and one of the Sims 4 building videos because I’m a sucker for renovations (also, the GAY WEDDING and the RETURN in general!), and honestly there’s so many videos I’ve forgotten over the years (LOVE NIKKI!) but I think I’m gonna say the finale of Undertale!

it makes me cry every time I rewatch the series, and it’s such a beautiful story, and yeah I’m a mess just thinking about it, because the fact that they chose to be pacifists from the get go is one of the genuinely sweetest things I can think of

Day 6 - Favourite Solo Video(s)

oh no I don’t actually know how to fully answer for Dan, but at a guess… yeah who am I kidding, it’s BIG and We’re All Doomed! :D (yes I know WAD! isn’t a video (yet, hopefully) but it overrides literally everything else bc I loved that night so much)

BIG, as a queer person, is just honestly so incredibly important to me, because being able to listen to other queer people — very successful ones, too — and how they’ve struggled in ways I’ve been fortunate to have never suffered, and how they overcame it all, and are still dealing with it to this day? yeah I’m still so proud of Dan for it all, he deserves the life he’s made for himself <3

WAD is in a similar vein to this, but with the addition of me being able to actually MEET Dan and then watch him on STAGE as he did his comedy show! I made him laugh with a joke about Australian summer being hell, and that’s probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me <3

honourable mention goes to his Keep On Movin’ video, bc that’s just damn impressive

Phil, meanwhile… I have so many videos to choose from, and while Coming Out To You carries the same importance as BIG, if not more since I watch it more (I love them equally, but COTY is only eight minutes long okay), I am actually struggling to choose a favourite outside of it!

mostly because all my favourite Phil videos… are joint content videos!

that being said, his fourth ACNH video is incredibly sweet, and I think I might go rewatch the series!

also his house review videos (the apartment one and the expensive house one) are pretty iconic

AND the sleepless night series— can you see why I’m struggling? :’D

Day 7 - What do Dan and Phil mean to you?

(oh god I am so sorry for this monster)

I don’t remember 2016 being a particularly rough year for me, despite the many star-studded losses (rip Anton Yelchin especially), and maybe it would’ve been that way even if I hadn’t found Dan and Phil, but finding them at what could be considered their initial peak of fame was probably one of the best things that could have happened to me, because I was just a year into my experiences with internet fandom, and what better way to do that than get yeeted into the chaotic world of two British dorks on the net that everyone and their cat shipped?

I may have missed out on the radio shows, sure, and I missed out on pretty much every YouNow and Rize show and whatnot because I’m a goose, but I came into the fandom just in time to see TATINOF live, even though I couldn’t get a meet and greet ;w; one day I’ll catch Phil

I distinctly remember being at the Gold Coast Eisteddfod, which was an hour south of Brisbane, on the same night as TATINOF, and absolutely booking it back with my mum to Brisbane, stressing the entire way even as we got McDonalds and I got changed out of what was either my school uniform or my performance uniform (I can’t remember) into something more normal for a night at QPAC

and yet, once I was there, I had probably one of the best nights of my life, because TATINOF, in my opinion, is the best thing the boys have ever done on stages (II and WAD! are very close tho don’t get me wrong)

someone helped me draw cat whiskers on my face, I remember chatting happily to other phannies around me (what about, I have long forgotten), and I remember how loud it was, and how much I didn’t mind that, for the first time in my life

I bought more merch at II and WAD!, because I was either given more money or I actually had money to spend since I got my job by WAD!, but, even when disappointed by the fact that I couldn’t afford much, I have cherished my TATINOF lanyard since that fateful night in August 2015, because it symbolises just how much I love the two gay dorks who are now two of my biggest queer role models

the fact that they chose us over fame and fortune in the entertainment industry? I’m so grateful for that, because it means, even though we gave them utter hell (I wasn’t quite one of them, but I probably did a few minor demon things as a teen LMAO), they cared, and still care, about us, the audience

this is getting SO long and waffly, oh my GOD, this is why my current fic is eleven k long already, uhhhh tl;dr they’re weird and queer (affectionate), I’m weird and queer, and I am so glad I found them, because having them in my life is one of the best things that’s ever happened to me, down to graduating from high school and university and having their videos to watch <3

okay that’s enough sappiness this took me like three or four hours love y’all <3

thanks @dpgdaily for hosting!!!!

[somethin-real]

Thanks for answering my ask....If you don't mind me asking (again), can I ask, what are your top 10 (or top 7) favorite media (can be books/ manga/ anime/movies/tv series)? Why do you love them? Sorry if you've answered this question before.....

I am once again answering asks months later than I should have because time isn’t real and I never open my phone BUT I will never give up an excuse to talk about the stuff I like so let’s go

(This is in no particular order because besides the first two I can’t pick a favourite child)

1) interview with the vampire (tv)

God. This thing has taken over my brain chemistry. I first watched it as the first season aired a few years back and loved it then and now that the second season has aired I literally cannot stop thinking about it. I have watched every episode of this series at least four times, some more than others because I genuinely can’t get enough. It’s simply so perfect to me… the camp… the vampires… everyone should watch this at least once in their lives (I am also currently working my way through the books and they are so tasty)

2) nbc Hannibal

GUH. I strangely never talk about it but Hannibal was one of the first shows to rewire my brain like iwtv has. I first watched it back in high school I think after a girl I had a crush on lended it to me on a usb stick and I think it’s so perfect. I find it really beautiful in a real vile way (pos) and can watch it over and over without tiring (in fact I could probably recite many of the episodes off by heart which I wouldn’t consider a problem but Some People might). The relationship between Hannibal and Will is so palpable and harrowing and I genuinely once wrote an essay on it for uni (I got an eighty) because I’m Normal

3) life is strange 2

a bit of a random one, but ever since I played the first episode of lis2, I’ve been obsessed with it. say what you want about the lis games, but there’s something really lovely to me about Sean and Daniel. maybe it’s because it reminds me of my little brother, maybe it’s because the experience of being a Latin person in North America is so familiar, but it’s a really beautiful game and I’ve replayed it… seven times now? I think? I keep trying to get different endings but I’m weird about making people do bad stuff in video games surprisingly

4) red dead redemption 2

Look man. I like cowboys, I like the great outdoors, I like the idea that Arthur Morgan (gunslinging criminal) is actually a pretty princess. Maybe I’m projecting but he really is a beautiful woman to me. this is another game I’ve played way too many times even though playing the epilogue bit where you have to build the fence makes me want to die. also Javier and John should kiss and I want sadie Adler to be my wife

5) sarazanmai

Maybe a bit of an oddball but this is one of those anime that’s like looking at a car wreck. You simply cannot look away. What began as a strange, mythological mindfuck of a show slowly morphed into a beautiful story about queerness and friendship and love and I recommend it to everyone because I just think it’s so good

6) wildhood

This movie fundamentally changed me. It’s a Canadian queer indigenous coming of age film that I watched on a whim when I was scrolling through a streaming service on a lazy weeknight a few years ago, and I didn’t expect it to be something so beautiful and touching. It’s about a young guy named link who finds out his mother (who left him with his abusive father) is alive, and so he crosses the province trying to find her with his younger half brother and someone who’d saved him from some racist convenience store owner. It’s a visually really pretty movie, and on top of that the story is absolutely beautiful and makes me cry every time I watch it. I think I’ve forced every single one of my friends to watch this movie all the while I stared at them like this 👁️👁️ to gauge their reaction to it. please please please watch this

7) to be taught if fortunate by becky chambers

this book!!!!!! THIS BOOK!!!! I had to read this for first year English my first year of university and normally books I’m forced to read are never ones that have a hold on me but I genuinely could not put this book down. I’m also not really one for science fiction, but despite the overall premise (a bunch of researchers get cryo slept in space only to awake and find that a disaster has happened on earth, wiping out a majority of the population) I feel like it focuses less on the science fiction and more so on the relationships between all of the astronauts, most of whom are queer and in a weird pseudo poly relationship with each other. idk I just thought this book was really beautiful and fun and I think everyone should read it

8) jojo’s bizarre adventure

look. this thing had to make it on here okay. I put off getting into jojo for a long time even though I’d been thoroughly aware of it even back in middle school, and when I finally caved I watched all of it in about two months, shaking and gnawing at the bars of my enclosure the whole time. it’s just so silly and fun and I think kishibe rohan should be real (he is)

I was going to add more but my brain somehow isn’t working so I’m going to do some honourable mentions again in no particular order: yakuza series, death note, after dark by haruki murakami, anything by Allen Ginsberg, kill your darlings, it’s always sunny in Philadelphia, fellow travellers (book and show)

Thank you so much for the ask!

[lulu2992]

Hi Lulu, I've been backreading your Tumblr and I noticed you participated in a Q & A session with Greg Bryk on Instagram. He was answering questions about Far Cry 5 stuff, but I unfortunately wasn't around for that one. If you don't mind me asking, what questions and answers about FC5 do you remember from that session? If you could let me know about what I'd missed, I'd be very grateful! :)

Hi :) Yes, he did several live videos on Instagram to chat with his followers (because he was bored during lockdown and needed human connection, I think). There were a lot of questions about Far Cry 5 but also about him, his life in general, and his other projects. I do remember a lot of the things he said about the game because people always ask the same questions. There were also many things he had already mentioned in other videos and interviews.

At first, he didn’t feel like auditioning for the role of Joseph Seed and wasn’t really interested in being in a video game, mostly because he hadn’t realized how far technology had come. His agent eventually convinced him to try and Ubisoft gave him a script. It was (an early draft of) Joseph’s monologue about his wife and daughter. He said the text was amazingly written and deeply resonated with him because he too became a father at a young age. On a side note, I remember that Dan Hay (executive producer, creative director, and writer on Far Cry 5) said that, when he saw his audition, he showed it to other people and they all came to the same conclusion: “It’s him. We found The Father”.

They shot Inside Eden’s Gate in Montana in 2017 while the state was burning. He said he thought the air smelled amazing when he arrived and felt a bit dumb when he was told it was because everything was on fire. While they were shooting the short film, Drew Holmes, Far Cry 5’s lead writer, sent him the eulogies for Joseph’s siblings. Playing The Father and having to memorize those lines in an almost end-of-the-world atmosphere was special.

The day they recorded the final, collective eulogy, it took him some time to mentally prepare himself and really get in the mood. At one point, Dan Hay saw that he was ready and that they needed to shoot the scene now. When Greg was done, after two intense minutes of actual crying, the room was completely silent until the train that sometimes passes outside the studio (and forces them to stop recording whatever they’re recording) passed, and Dan turned to the devs who were there and told them he wanted them to keep everything that had just happened and to put it in the game. As a result, the cutscene is very faithful to the performance Greg gave that day.

He loved playing Joseph and felt a true connection with the character. Even though he recognizes he’s a villain, he admits he agrees with a lot of the things he says, especially about society. He also thinks “there was something pure about his commitment to his family” and that he loved his siblings equally.

He always compliments Dan Hay, Drew Holmes, and Jean-Sébastien “JS” Décant, the three main writers of Far Cry 5, and says he loved working with them because they are talented and passionate people. Being in that game was an amazing experience and, if he gets another opportunity and the writing is as good as it was in Far Cry, he would love to be in another video game.

When asked what his opinion on Far Cry New Dawn was, he simply said he liked revisiting his character and thought the relationship between Joseph and Ethan was interesting to explore as an actor and as a father. But he worked on New Dawn for a much shorter time (only a few days, if I’m not mistaken) so the experience clearly wasn’t as memorable and as life-changing as becoming The Father in Far Cry 5.

Usually, someone asks him to say something as Joseph. Usually, after reading the question, he gets closer to his phone’s camera, looks straight into it, and says with The Father’s characteristic calm tone of voice, “Something is coming. You can feel it, can't you? That we are creeping toward the edge... and there will be a reckoning”.

One of his favorite lines was, “Suffering is a choice. And you can choose a better path”.

In the trailers, when Joseph sings, it’s not Greg’s voice. In the game, though, it is.

He only worked with his “siblings” Seamus Dever, Mark Pellegrino, and Jenessa Grant for a very short time (about a day each). However, he found out that Steve Byers, who played Nick Rye, lived only “five blocks away” from his house. I think they saw each other a few times since they finished working on the game.

He’s never met Michael Mando (Vaas Montenegro in Far Cry 3) but, even before he started working on Far Cry 5, he had heard very positive things about him from other people in the Canadian acting community. He thinks he’s extremely talented and “a beast”. He’s confident that Giancarlo Esposito will be great as Antón Castillo in Far Cry 6 because he’s an amazing actor as well.

He doesn’t have the original yellow glasses anymore. He signed them and they were sold on Indiegogo to help his oldest son Dempsey fund his film, L for Loser.

He says the fans’ response to Joseph is usually very positive and he’s happy that people love the character as much as he does. He’s impressed by how talented and passionate cosplayers, fanfiction writers, fan artists, and creators in general are and he supports them because he believes it’s always good to express your creativity. He’s definitely come across some “risqué” stuff but he seems fine with that.

[visionofhope04]

Hii I was lowkey wondering if you would do something maybe like a one shot of neglected where reader is older (18-20) and dipped out of the house and became a singer and one of her songs basically exposed them for how they treated reader and in like an interview she full on tells them how she doesn’t even talk to them and like only Jason

This is literally perfect. I love this idea! I was planning on making a singer batsis reader anyway so here you go! I'll be making this part 4 of the series instead of a one shot. There’s a bit of angst. Btw, thanks so much for your support everyone! I'm glad you enjoy this series! Feel free to request anything you'd like besides smut as well!

This is the longest thing I have ever written so there will be a part 5. I planned on this being the last part but it's just so much. It’s not proofread and neither are all of the other parts because I post at 1 am most of the time lol. Hope you like it!

f/n = friend name

Y/G/N = your group name

N/S = news station

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 (Current) Part 5

---

You were sick of it. Sick of how even after confronting them about how you felt and almost dying because of it, they still neglected you. You couldn't wait to move out at the age of 18, even if it proved to be a struggle. You had taken mini jobs since you turned 15 and saved up since then. You just couldn't see them anymore as it would remind you of how they treated you that day at that hospital. None of them apologized either. They just pretended it never happened and continued to ignore you. The media had a field day with speculation of what had happened but eventually stopped because Bruce had claimed it was “just a bad case of the flu” which they believed.

Jason was always the only one that would talk to you. He was the only one that actually cared enough to make sure you were taking proper care of yourself and that you wouldn't have a repeat of what happened. He took you places, spent time with you and gave you advice. You even had a tradition where you'd always meet up at the manor's library every week at the same time that same day every week and just have a mini book club together. He always made time for you and never bailed on you.

So on your 18th birthday, he helped you move out. You managed to rent a small apartment in Star City with the money you had saved up. It wasn’t that close to the manor which was a good thing. The neighborhood wasn’t good but it wasn’t as bad as Gotham’s neighborhoods so you would be fine. You could handle yourself with your assassin training if needed. You also managed to get hired at a cafe which was about a five minutes walking distance from your apartment.

It had taken a while but eventually, you had packed all of your belongings into color coded containers and moved them into Jason’s car with his help. You didn’t say goodbye to anyone as you had no friends to say bye to and you knew that your so called “family” couldn’t care less about what you did with your life. ‘This is it, hopefully the last time I’ll ever be near this place.’ You thought. You didn’t plan on stepping foot in Gotham ever again after you left. It would bring back too many memories you prefer to keep buried away deep inside your mind.

The car ride to Star City was entertaining. You and Jason conversed the whole time, telling jokes and listening to his funny tales with the radio playing softly in the background. Eventually, a song you both loved came on and you both started yell-singing along to the lyrics. You wished those moments could be permanent. You were both so carefree and nothing else mattered besides having fun and enjoying yourselves.

You now stood in the doorway of your new apartment, admiring your new home. Jason and yourself had just finished unpacking all of your belongings. You really liked how it looked and thought you both did an amazing job at designing the place perfectly according to your style. Jason, unfortunately, had to leave in order to avoid raising suspicions. Once you both said your byes, he left you to your apartment.

Jason drove back home in silence. He hated to admit it but he would miss you dearly. You were always there for him and helped him with anything. You tried your best to always comfort him and make him feel better on his darkest days and it would always work. Somehow you seemed to always have the right words to say or knew exactly what to do to help him. Out of everyone he was closest to you. He assumed it was because he could relate to you the most. More so how you felt. He’d felt like the black sheep of the family before you came, and he was. When you came, you took that role from him. It pained him to see how much their insults would affect you, even if you were good at hiding it. He could just tell.

Jason made it back to the manor after a while and went straight to the library. He didn't want to deal with the others. After the whole hospital situation, he'd never really bother interacting with them. He hated how they treated you as if you didn’t exist and hated how much pain they had caused you and that they didn’t even care. He guessed that they'd probably be doing something for Damian's birthday and forgot that you were his twin. They probably couldn’t even remember that Damian had a twin.

He made it to the library and pulled out one of his favorite books. He’d read it so many times you’d often joke that he could probably recite the whole book by heart at this point. Sitting down in a chair, he started to read. However, he couldn’t bring himself to stop thinking about what it would’ve been like if they treated you how they did Damian. The both of you were Bruce’s real children. You both even looked like clones of him! At first, Jason thought you would’ve been the favorite twin due to your personality. Even though you were twins, your personalities were polar opposites. You even refused to kill! You were trained by the League so why didn’t you kill as Damian did?

Jason knew you would benefit them greatly if you joined. You had self control, didn’t kill, could act perfectly, lie perfectly, do well under pressure, and not to mention your skills. Being raised by the League may have been torture, but you managed to gain incredible skills out of it. You could take on at least ten guys who doubled you in size and beat them within five minutes. You even bested Damian in spars and he was supposedly dubbed the “better twin” by Talia, so why hadn’t they let you join their nightly crusades like they had let Damian when the both of you first arrived?

Damian passed by your room but noticed something was off. He decided to take a look. He twisted the doorknob and pushed. The room which was once occupied by you now looked extremely plain and bare, stripped of all of its accessories. The only things left were the bed itself, multiple dressers, and a vanity. It looked as if it had been vacant the whole time. It might as well have been. Damian couldn’t really remember what it had looked like since he’s never paid much mind to it but he could tell there was a drastic difference. He knew that you disliked just leaving your room plain unlike himself and wanted at least something to make it look less boring.

He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened. Had you finally been kicked out by Bruce? Did you get shipped off to a boarding school like he had been suggesting to your father for years? He decided to go ask. He exited the room and closed the door behind him, taking off for Bruce’s office. Walking down the hall, he suddenly remembered that he had seen you leave with Jason. This meant that you were not at a boarding school like he had originally thought. But then why was your room vacant?

Instead of going to see Bruce, he decided to go see Jason and bring up the matter with him instead. He changed directions and headed to the library where he knew he’d find Jason. It was no secret that Jason was a book worm so Damian had a fifty percent chance of finding him there.

He entered the library and was immediately greeted with the sight of Jason sitting comfortably on a chair, legs crossed with a book opened in his hands. Jason didn’t bother to look up from his book as he spoke.

“What do you want Demon Spawn?”

“I’ve come to obtain the whereabouts of my sister.”

“You mean my sister?”

“She’s not your sister!” Damian exclaimed.

“Well I act more like a brother than you do.”

“Where is Y/N? Her whole room is bare.”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

“Just tell me, you imbecile!” Damian said, growing increasingly frustrated by Jason’s blunt answers.

“She’s not here.”

“Then where is she?”

“Not here.”

“Just tell me already Todd, I have no time for your foolish games!”

“She moved out.” Jason said, giving in.

“What?! Where.” Damian demanded.

“Why would I tell you?”

“Because I demand to know!”

“Okay and?”

“Tell me!”

“No.”

“Why not!”

“Because you don’t even care.”

“And you do?”

“Yes, I actually do Damian! I’m there for her when she needs me the most. I’m there for her while she’s watching you live the perfect life that she’s just a background character in! While you and the others ignore that she even exists! I’m there for her when she breaks down and has panic attacks! And what were you all doing to try and help her? Nothing! Absolutely nothing!” Jason snapped.

“Y/N’s fine, I know my twin!” Damian screamed.

“Do you even know what her favorite color is?” Jason questioned in a harsh tone.

“...” Was Damian’s reply.

“Exactly! You don’t! You and the others have never cared about her, so why all of a sudden do you care now? You don’t know anything about her so don’t act like you do!” Jason then stood up and walked out of the room in a fit of rage.

Damian stood there, shocked. Had Jason just refused to answer his question? He was about to follow him but decided against it. Why was Damian going to chase Jason down just for her? She was just an annoyance, a mistake, imperfect. He had been wanting to get rid of her for so long, so why doesn’t he feel relieved? Why does he feel guilty? He decided to stop dwelling on it and get on with life. He figured it would happen eventually if it hadn’t happened then.

---

It had been a year since that day. The day you left your old life behind and started a new life, a better one. One where you weren’t constantly ignored. One where you actually had more than one person care about you. Instead of seeing yourself as a failure and disappointment, you now saw yourself as an amazing person (which you always were). You had been going to a community college in Star City. You made many friends there and started up a music career with three of them.

Their names were f/n, f/n and f/n. You all started off by taking random gigs anywhere you could. You performed covers of songs and would receive standing ovations all the time. Seeing as your group was well liked, you decided to write and produce your own songs. At the age of 19, Y/G/N released their first album. It went viral within a day and everyone was talking about it. After a week, several articles were posted, praising your work. News Stations talked about all the records Y/G/N managed to break. People started to stream it like crazy, and you couldn’t be happier with all the positive feedback you were receiving.

You had been a Wayne once, meaning you had experience in dealing with the media. Since you had already been used to it, you knew you’d all eventually be invited to interviews. So, when you had received an email stating how N/S wanted a one on one interview with you, you weren’t sure how to feel. You weren’t looking forward to interviews with your whole group, let alone one where you would be alone. You knew how unfiltered interviewers could be and didn’t feel comfortable with it.

However, you decided it would be best to go. So here you were, sitting in front of the interviewer in an uncomfortable chair preparing for the interview to start. You had somehow managed to keep a smile plastered on your face the entire time while you were a nervous wreck on the inside. You hoped none of the questions would be sexist as they usually were towards women. However, you had no more time to think about that. You heard clicking, signaling that you were about to go live. Once you heard the last click, you knew you were live and the interview had begun.

“Hello everyone, welcome back to N/S. My name is Jerald Tangleberry and I’m here today with songwriter, singer, and celebrity, Y/N Wayne! How are you?”

You waved to the camera and then answered, “Hello everyone! I’m doing good, how about you?”

“I’m doing great, thanks for asking! So by now I’d assume everyone knows that you’ve released an album with your group. How does it feel to gain more fame?”

“It doesn’t feel any different. Fame wasn’t our goal when we released the album. It was to express ourselves.”

“Mhm, well Ms. Wayne, what inspired you to write songs?”

“Well we know people may be in a tough spot in their life right now and want them to know they aren’t alone.”

“That’s so true. Some fans have been speculating that every member has three songs that specifically relate to them since there are twelve songs in total and three of the songs have the same group member as the introduction part of the song. Is this true?”

“Yes, it is true.”

“So all three of your songs relate to family issues of some sort. Is that hinting that you have family issues?”

“Yes, actually. My family isn’t the best. They ignored me all the time, even when they weren't busy. The only person who didn’t was Jason.”

“You’re saying it in the past tense.”

“I moved out about a year ago. When I was around 14, I suffered from anorexia. My family would always ignore me since they were either busy doing work or hanging out with each other. The only family member that acknowledged me was Jason. I assumed it was because there was something wrong with me. I started to hate myself so much to the point of starvation. One day, I passed out right before a gala and my oldest brother Dick found me passed out on the floor. They took me to the hospital and when I woke up, Bruce, Dick, Tim, and Damian started fussing about how I’d ruin their image if the media knew what actually happened. They started to yell at me and told me how I was a useless burden. I started to have a panic attack so I kicked them out. Jason stayed behind with me and comforted me. Ever since then I made a planed to save enough money so I could move out when I turned 18, which I did.”

“Oh, wow. So Jason was the only one who interacted with you?”

“Yeah.”

“Looks like the Wayne family isn’t as perfect as they seem.”

“No family is actually perfect.”

“Did your family try contacting you at all after they found out about Y/G/N?”

“Not yet. They’re probably too busy or don’t care.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s alright, I got over it. What’s the next question.”

“Oh-” He cleared his throat and continued the interview. (So basically I don’t wanna bore you all lol)

---

Jason had woken up late into the afternoon that day. Patrol that morning had exhausted him. There was a huge breakout at Arkham they had assisted with. They successfully locked up every escapee, so today, Jason just wanted to relax until it would be time for patrol again. Even though he was exhausted, he knew he couldn’t take a break. The others wouldn’t and it would be unfair to them if he did.

He headed over to his couch with his phone and a bowl of popcorn in hand, ready to watch random movies the entirety of the day. He set down his phone on the coffee tables and grabbed the TV remote. When he turned on the TV, he almost dropped the popcorn and remote. You were sitting on a chair, giving an award winning smile while you politely answered the man’s questions. He was baffled. He didn’t know why you were being interviewed, let alone on TV at all! You made it clear you didn’t want to have any relations with your family any longer and you couldn’t stand publicity, so what were you doing?

He placed the bowl down and snatched his phone off the table. Unlocking his phone, he quickly dialed your phone number. However, he realized that the interview was live and that he would be interrupting it if he called you then. Deciding to wait, he placed his phone back down, picked up the bowl, and then got comfortable.

---

Tag list: @fake-id-69 @pepelachanel @loxbbg @what-0-life @yoongi-holland @omnivorousfangirl @cawcaw-pretty-thing @sexysamsungl @iceddonuts @buginetye @portrait-ninja @azazel-nyx @alculai

[mistressvioletaurora]

ALTHEA SAXON BLOOM BIRTHDAY PERSONAL STORY

Part 1

Althea: This damn school...

Althea: Why do I have to dress up and get interviewed? So annoying!

Althea: And they’re gonna send over a student to help fly me across the “Birthday Road” since I can’t do it myself...

Althea: I hope they at least send someone tolerable.

???: Yo! I’m coming in!

Althea: Ah, that voice...

Ace: I’m here for your interview!

Ace: And to magic you across the Birthday Road. You know, cuz you’re not magic and need my help with everything.

Althea: Gah— you!

Althea: Being a dick, even on my birthday!

Althea: And after all I’ve done for you!

Althea: I want a different interviewer!

Ace: Quit being dramatic! I’m just teasing you.

Althea: Grrrrr....

Ace: H-hey, stop glaring at me!

Ace: I’ll be nice! Let’s just start the interview.

Ace: Okay, first question.

Ace: “If you could go anywhere in Twisted Wonderland, where would it be?”

Ace: Eh? Isn’t this a weird question to ask you? How many countries have you even heard of?

Althea: You’re right, I only know of a few places.

Althea: But if I had to pick one of those places, I think Harveston sounds fun.

Ace: Oh, Epel’s hometown!

Althea: It’s a small town, so the people are probably really nice.

Althea: I’d like to have some of their famous apples fresh off the trees.

Althea: Most of all, I wanna ski and snowboard down those huge mountains.

Althea: Back in my world, my big sis and I would snowboard every winter.

Althea: We would always find a frozen lake and skate on it, too.

Althea: Even though she’s in college, she still made time every winter to hang out with me.

Althea: She’s six whole years older than me... isn’t that insane? But we were close even with the age difference.

Ace: That’s not that crazy. My brother is seven years older than me, so I know what that’s like.

Althea: Really? To think we would have that in common.

Althea: Anyways, I think a trip Harveston might help me with my homesickness a little, so I’d go there.

Ace: Yeah, it must be a lot of fun, as long as you can handle the cold.

Ace: Epel told me how great the food is, too.

Ace: We should go sometime.

Althea: Huh? Like together?

Ace: Wha— don’t take it like that!

Ace: I just think it would be a good time!

Althea: Oh, Ace, quit being dramatic.

Ace: Stop smirking at me! I already said I’d be nice!

Part 2

Ace: Next question...

Ace: “What’s your favorite subject?”

Ace: It doesn’t have to be a magic one.

Althea: PE, of course.

Ace: I thought that might be it., since you’re in the track and field club and all.

Ace: But is it really your favorite here, too?

Ace: It’s not like you can fly a broom.

Althea: I can’t, but I still enjoy watching the others practice.

Althea: It’s pretty hilarious to watch Azul struggle to get in the air, hehe.

Althea: And Jamil has actually let me ride with him a few times.

Ace: He must be pretty good at it. I’m still newish to it, so I’d probably drop you if I let you ride with me.

Althea: That makes me feel so confident about you flying me across the sky...

Ace: It’ll be fine. It should be easier if I’m controlling the broom from the ground and not in the air myself.

Ace: So you don’t get to do anything in PE?

Althea: I usually do laps or practice kicking a soccer ball around.

Althea: It’s all very zen. But man, I wish this school had a soccer team so I wasn’t just kicking the ball around alone.

Ace: Did your old school have a team?

Althea: Yeah, and I was one of the top players.

Althea: They’re probably sucking without me...

Ace: Maybe we can organize a game with Deuce and some of the other guys in my dorm.

Ace: If not, we could always just play one on one once in awhile.

Althea: Look at you, actually being nice!

Ace: How are you gonna say that I’m mean when you’re acting like this!?

Part 3

Ace: Last question...

Althea: Huh? Only three questions?

Althea: Doesn’t seem like much.

Ace: I prefer it to a long winded interview.

Ace: “What do you do on your days off?”

Ace: I can answer that for you.

Ace: You and Ryder are always at Heartslabyul with us.

Althea: What can I say, I have fun with you guys.

Althea: Back home, I would usually go to the mall or see a movie or eat out with my teammates on weekends.

Althea: Sometimes the boy’s team would hang with us, too.

Ace: Oh~? Did you have a guy on the team you particularly liked hanging out with~?

Althea: Absolutely not. I never once considered them anything but friends.

Althea: The other girls in my dorm all say our school was full of hot guys, but I think they need their eyes checked.

Althea: The guys here are way better.

Ace: You think so? Then what guys do you have your eyes on?

Althea: ...

Althea: Leona.

Ace: HUH!? LEONA!?

Ace: You really like that guy!?

Althea: Not really, I just think he’s physically attractive.

Ace: Good.

Ace: I mean, cuz he seems like he would be a bad boyfriend, ya know.

Althea: Probably. I feel for whatever poor sucker ends up with him.

Althea: But also I’m jealous of them cuz he is pretty hot.

Ace: Alright, I’ve got one question that’s off the record.

Ace : Which girl from your dorm do you like the most?

Althea: You better really keep that off the record. I don’t need drama.

Althea: But I like hanging out with Ryder. She isn’t as mean as she tries to brand herself as.

Althea: I think she’s a good foil to me, like she knows when I need to calm down and she keeps me grounded.

Ace: She definitely helped us a lot when Riddle went crazy.

Althea: I just hope she doesn’t eat Deuce’s head one of these days!

Ace: Honestly, I’m glad she’s into him and not me.

Althea: She would never lower herself to someone like you.

Ace: Aren’t you being too cruel today!?

Ace: Interview over! Here, take this.

Althea: Oh, my broom!

Althea: These brown sunflowers are gorgeous!

Ace: Now get on so I can get you in the air.

Althea: I’m doing it, I’m doing i— wait, Ace I’m not ready!

Ace: Have fun! Try not to look too lame!

Althea: ACE! AAAACE!! AHHHH!!!

Ace: Happy birthday, Althea!

[stormblessed95]

Hello Stormblessed !

U became an ARMY pretty recently right ? But you seem to have covered Tonnes of content 😂😁😆

I became an ARMY pretty recently too but i have no idea how to cover so much content 🥲😅😔

Any idea how to proceed ? Like i have watched the RUN BTS episodes, ITS, Bon Voyage and a few many interviews, their performances, MVs but there r lots more right ? 👀 where shud i start ?

Okie....if i were someone who wants to get to know BTS what shud i do ? 😁😅

Am i blabbering too much ? 🥲

Is there any website that can guide me or maybe u have already answered an ask like this ?

I love your blog btw 🥰☺💜

Also u r nice almost all the time ☺

Btw which are u biased towards in A Court of Thorns And Roses ? 👀

Feysand or Nessian ? 👀

Ahh lol I've been ARMY for 2 years now. I found BTS January of 2020. So yes, pretty new here too relatively!!

I've shared before about my "time management" or lack of it in a previous post, here

I've just pretty obsessively watched everything I could find. I'm still catching up on stuff though like FULL length content, not just clips. Like I'm about to watch the NOW 3 DVD in full for the first time soon. Not just clips from YouTube or Twitter. A really good resource is just other ARMY accounts who have made efforts to compile content for everyone. Two that I go back to often are Bangtan Purple Archive and Landon Marks BTS Roadmap. Both are pulling content from debut to present day in order for everyone to access

Here is another account that lists shows BTS has done along with creating other threads of other types of content BTS has done to help people at least know what to search for to see older content, one such thread here:

Another good account to find old Bangtan Content for links

And Qdeoks is a wonderful account that has streamed lots of DVD content and put it up online for free for people to still get to see it

As for ACOTAR. Lol don't hate me, I love both Cassian and Nesta MORE as characters.... but the better ship is definitely Feysand 😂 ACOSF did not give me what I hoped for with their characters and relationships, there wasn't enough growth for them as people, much less a couple for me. ACOMAF remains the queen of that series for me personally. Lol all ill say to avoid spoilers though!

And because it's me, I gotta include the art...

Feyre and Rhysand

Nesta and Cassian (I will always be mad at how good this relationship arc could have been, but I still love it)

The Inner Circle 🥰

Can't lie though, Throne of Glass is definitely my preferred series by SJM 🥰 but she doesn't make my list of top authors either even though I loved her TOG characters ALOT!!

Lmao okay well nice mix of bts and books for yall I guess this time! Sorry! 😅

[the-bau-quinjet]

Round 2: Tik Tok

Bucky x reader

Part 2 to Round 1: Fruit Snacks

Summary: You enlist Peter to help you prank Steve, Sam, and Bucky.

Warnings: Language!

Word Count: 1795

a/n: Ahh, part 2! Gotta love tik tok. This entire part was inspired by the first Chris Evans tik tok I linked... I linked all the tik toks I referenced, but the descriptions in the fic have been edited a bit to better fit the scene!

Masterlist

"Peter!" You called to him from the other end of the hallway as he entered the elevator. "Hold the door!"

He smiled back at you, holding the doors open as you ran down the hallway.

"Perfect. I need your help." You whispered as the doors closed, never knowing if a super soldier could hear you or not. You had an evil glint in your eyes that clearly said you were scheming.

"Oh, okay. What do you need Ms. L/N?" His eyes were wide, never having seen you this devious before.

"Peter. How many times have I told you to just call me Y/N? You make me feel old, and I am not old." You huffed, stalling for time.

"Right, Y/N. Got it. What do you need my help with?" He asked as the elevator doors opened.

You peaked your head, looking both ways before exiting. You gestured for him to follow you, exiting the compound and walking toward the gate where May was picking him up after a date with Happy.

"I need you to play the video on this flash drive at Tony's next party." You said when you reached the end of the driveway, handing him the mentioned flash drive.

"Why?" He took the device, albeit with a bit of hesitation.

"Because, I'm pranking Steve, Sam, and Bucky. They tried to get me the other day and failed miserably. Honestly, just watching them on edge has been great, but it's time for payback." You smirked, knowing the prank wouldn't do any real harm.

"Oh, Mr. Stark told me about that!" His eyes were wide with recognition. "Good job with the fake crying, I would've loved to see it."

"Well, you can help me get them back if you play that on the projector screen at Tony's next party." You nodded toward the flash drive, wanting to confirm the plan.

"What is it?" Peter looked nervous, unsure if he should get involved.

"Don't worry, it's nothing bad. Just a few tik toks I found from fans. Three for each of them." You smirked, already picturing the blushes. This would really get Steve and Bucky more than Sam, but when you came across the first video you couldn't not do it.

"Alright. I'm in!" He smiled, happy to help you. "But, why can't you just play the video?" He questioned, obviously not well versed in the world of pranks.

"Because, if they see me doing anything out of the ordinary at the party, they'll know something's up. I have to act normal, so it's a surprise." You outline the plan, explaining the need for two people.

"Why me?" He asked again, genuinely curious.

"Because, they won't think I'd go to you for help. They think you'll do anything to get them to stop teasing you, so they won't see it coming."

Peter nodded, understanding your logic. "Wow. You've really thought of everything." He smiled as May pulled up.

"I know. It's going to be great." You smirked, turning and running back inside before anyone could see you.

-

The night of the party, it took everything in you not to wear the world's biggest smirk.

Sam, Bucky, and Steve have been on edge ever since your warning, waiting for you to strike. They were huddled by the bar, appearing deep in conversation.

"Hi boys." You greeted them from behind, causing them to jump at the intrusion.

Sam recovered first, smirking at you. "Y/N. We've got a theory."

You raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to continue.

"You warned us about your next prank, and then planned nothing." You bit your lip, trying to appear deep in thought.

"Interesting theory. What do you have to support it?" You tilted your head to the side, waiting for more of an explanation.

"It's been a week, and you haven't done anything." Steve started, less confident than Sam, but still sounding sure.

"I haven't?" You questioned, enjoying watching them squirm. "You sure?"

Bucky shook his head with a grin. "You're doing it again. Trying to make us paranoid."

Your gave them your sweetest smile, running your hand up and down Bucky's arm. "Whatever you say, dear." You said it with mock reassurance, then walked away grinning.

The three men shared a look, trying not to seem overly paranoid, but failing.

-

You felt eyes on you for the entire party. There was never a minute at least one of them wasn't watching your every move. You were fairly certain they were even keeping tabs on Wanda and Nat, just to make sure you hadn't enlisted their help.

You chatted with Nat, Wanda, and Pepper, danced for a bit, and ate some food, all while ignoring their stares.

Around 9:30, Peter managed to get the video queued up. All eyes were on the projector screen at the sudden noise.

A tik tok started playing, flashing different images of Steve as the music played.

"Hush hush hush, blush blush blush, you are now my big fat crush."

Steve's face grew redder as the video played, turning into a tomato by the end.

"Love me, and hug me, and touch me. And well, fuck me."

Another video immediately started playing, also featuring pictures of Steve.

The caption read "Let me present to you: Steve Rogers Walking" backed by some sexy music.

"When marimba rhythm starts to play, dance with me, make me sway."

Clips of Steve walking, whether it be in uniform from a news clip or in suits from press events, graced the screen.

He was hiding his head in his hands, too embarrassed to even think you could have done this. He had been watching you all night, you couldn't have set up the video.

Bucky and Sam laughed as a third video started to play.

The on screen text read as follows:

"People: how do you sleep at night? Me:"

A girl fell into her bed, swaddled in a blanket covered in pictures of Steve.

The screen flashed black for a few seconds, making everyone think the impromptu display was over. That is, until a new video began playing.

A heavy bass started thumping as a girl appeared on screen, counting down with her fingers along with the sound.

"3, 2, 1."

Sam appeared on screen, a plethora of his most used interview and press clips being played.

He was enjoying the praise, although slightly embarrassed at the video being played in front of all these people.

Another video began playing, showing Sam acting out different Avengers in a game of charades.

"Oh!" It was highly edited to draw attention to his amusing sound effects.

Finally, a clip from an interview Sam did with Steve and Scott came up.

"The problem isn't the kids, the problem is the parents."

You knew he wouldn't be embarrassed by the same things as Steve, so you chose a few random videos you found to call him out for not always thinking before speaking.

The screen flashed black again, transitioning to videos of Bucky.

A clip that had gone viral from Sam's account was edited with new music, resulting in the crowd hearing Bucky say:

"Suck my dick!" Followed by the song "if you gave me a chance, i would take it."

These videos were really just for you. You watched them so many times while looking for the three best ones.

Although, Bucky's wide eyes and rosy cheeks definitely didn't hurt.

The next video began with Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake.

"Take it to the chorus. Come here girl."

Pictures of Bucky flashed across the projector screen, showing off his physique. You don't know where fans find this pictures, but you loved them for it.

The last video of Bucky was a pov someone made about yours and Bucky's relationship. Although the two of you were flirty, nothing had been discussed.

Maybe that's why you chose this one.

You and Bucky were having a fake conversation that went as follows:

Y/N: "Bucky, I like your last name."

Bucky: "Oh thanks, that's sweet."

Then, in sync with the music in the background:

Y/N: "Can I steal it from you?"

Bucky: "Of course, doll."

Y/N: "What'd he sayyyyy?"

The crowd laughed at that one, knowing how the media and fans speculate about your relationship.

Finally, the screen went dark, no more videos lined up to play.

You made your way over to the guys as everyone resumed their normal party activities.

"What a show guys. Really well done. Don't forget to thank your fans." You slow clapped, enjoying their flustered faces.

"How long were you planning that?" Steve, blush just beginning to fade, questioned you.

"I've had the video made for 6 days. I started planning the second you left for the store." You grinned, enjoying the high of a good, harmless prank.

"We've been watching you all night. How did you manage to queue the video?" Sam questioned, eyes narrowed.

"I had help." You shrugged noncommittally. You wouldn't give up Peter's role in the prank unless he wanted you to.

"From? We had eyes on Nat and Wanda." Bucky questioned further, but you just shook your head.

"I can't reveal my sources." You laughed again at their matching looks of annoyance.

Suddenly, something clicked for Bucky.

"So, you chose all of the videos?" He sounded so curious, you couldn't help but fill him in.

"I did. It didn't take long. The internet is full of videos of the three of you. They were pretty fun to look through." You laughed at a few videos you opted to leave out of the montage.

"What's this about you liking my last name then?" Bucky had a new confidence about him with this question.

Having expected this question at some point, you had already thought of how you would answer.

"Well, the fans want what they want. Maybe we should give it to them." You stepped closer as Sam and Steve awkwardly shuffled away.

"You think so, doll?" Bucky relied, hands moving to your waist.

"I don't see why not." You closed the distance, pressing your lips to his in a moment you had been thinking about for months.

You moved together, pulling each other closer even when you were already chest to chest.

Eventually, the sound of a throat clearing caused you to break apart.

Tony was playfully glaring at the two of you.

"L/N, if you ever use my protégé to pull a stunt like that again, at least include some videos of me." He whined.

You laughed at his statement, having expected him to be annoyed at you interrupting his party.

"Can do Stark."

He walked off as you turned back to Bucky, whose mouth was hung open like a fish.

You gave him a questioning look as he sputtered.

"Parker helped you?!"

Permanent tag list:

@averyhotchner

[cooloddball]

Someone submitted something in my inbox and they wanted to remain anonymous. Since this is an extremely long essay, I will put it under the cut. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

xxx submitted: hey, i was the one who ask what do you think of Misha and Jensen's current relationship First off all thank you for your answear it means much to me cause im easy to be convice and this person who keep telling me that they are no longer friends can be so convicing, so I'm actully trying to forget what she said 😅 so I'm just writing a few. she said that since they no longer work together, they will forget about each other, and do their common things like the gay jokes, face touches ect. With other people, and neglect each other, don't talk to each other, and then meet new people who will replace the other. And and she talked about the gish thing, she said she sure they didn't talk since the end of the series, because Jensen didn't know where Misha was and Misha didn't know about the Radio Company vol 2 (but i saw people say that, they were just pretending, because Misha liked something about Radio Company Vol 2, before the gish live, so in theory he already knew then or something like that) and She said Misha wrote a poem about Darius not Jensen and now I will write down what she sent me : I saw a post about Jensen's current activities on social media, and I've come to the conclusion the only person he doesn't interact with is mish. Sadly this makes my break up theory even stronger. I feel like this is a goodbye to one of the biggest parts of my life. They've moved on from "uk what I haven't told you today? That i love u"+ from "miss my only jensen" from "i love u misha i mean it from the bottom of my heart" from "jensen has no flaws" from "misha is the funniest thing ever happened to me" from all that love and affection from everything they developed together and now they're apart leaving their lives like nothing happened and call me a dramatic but they both have the same energy now as someone has after a big break up. and Jensen comments on almost every of his friend’s post except Misha’s"+ Jenmish is genuinely the best thing that has ever happened in my entire life. I owe them literally everything. They're the reason i hold on. Unfortunately on this essay i have to start using past tense verbs for them, and i have to continue on that. I don't know for how long y'all been in spn fandom. But even if u joined one year before the show ended you'd know how close and intimate jensen and misha were. Everything about them was unmatched.+ The chemistry and how they just fit eachother. They had always been all over eachother. Like they were holding on eachother for dear life. They completed eachother and were like world's most powerful thing. They were the definition of soulmatism. No matter where, they ALWAYS kept interacting with eachother. Each possible tweet or insta post. On cons that the other wasn't there, the other one would bring up the othere's name for no absolute reason. +The looks and repeated love confessions. How invested they were both into eachother. The family they had built together cuz we know how close dee and mish are (look all the charity work they've been doing together recently). There are youtube videos to proof everything I've said so far.When i say break up, my real intention is that they've grown apart. Everything started in the the third or forth month of pandemic. Before than jensen used to interact +(comment mostly) on almost all of misha's posts. But after a while everything just stopped. At first personally didn't care that much. Bcuz I believed too much in them that I thought not even the gods above could separate them. I told myself maybe they spend long hours chatting or video calling and that's why online public interactions are gone. But as it passed it almost diminished to zero. Except some likes from jackles and eventual ones from misha there weren't anything else.+ We got absolutely no content and the show went off too. We were helpless and were sticking to everything we had Dee had a big social media shot down, so as jensen. Misha was busy with the election. We got some interviews for it with all of them. But we didn't get much.except remember both of them pulling a bff

move. and texted eachother during an online con where everyone else were dead-serious about politics? That flickered something in me. That showed me that+ they can't ever possibly let eachother go. And the times everyone else were talking and these too would just talk random things together (the one jackels had a white hat on with stacy abraham).And then Misha posted that for jensen's bday We really overlooked it. That shit was too intimate. To close. Fav march baby? U just don't go around and called ur bestie baby and when u mean it deeply. Especially not when ur friend is jensen ackles the "I suffered form internalized homophobia my whole life+ but fuck my wife's an angel and i have an angel bf too and another angel which is his wife but I'd rather die than come out cuz my asshole dad pulled a John winchester on me". It doesn't work like that. But uk how mish is. Carefree and open. I believe they got into a fight bcuz of this. He didn't even like the post. AND that was when the tiny bit of interactions we had was gone too. For a while jensen didn't even liked his posts. After a month it started again.What made me finally believe in that they had grown too+ far: I still remember the night misha posted that he and jensen were going to have a con for gish together. I remember how hard I cried. Lile the whole world was given to me. But deep down in my heart I knew that something would definitely happen. It didn't sit right with me and unfortunately my senses never lie to me. Jensen showed up at the wrong time bcuz of misunderstanding the time zones (this was HILARIOUS). That's not even my point.+ I've seen that interview 3 times so far. It always reminds me of when i saw my ex at a party and we were both so thrilled to see eachother and we still loved the other dearly, but we just couldn't work it out. Jensen and Misha's expressions were EXACTLY the same. The genuine smiles and longs pauses were they just stared at eachother. I'm so happy that it was online cuz if they actually gave that looks to eachother standing right next to the other one I would've collapsed. Misha didn't know that jensen's album+ was out. And he got so embarrassed when he found it out. He didn't know that jensen was on set and hadn't been home for 8weeks. Jensen had no idea where misha was. And this means that they hadn't talked in a long long time.When you're that close with someone for more than a decade, i mean THAT close, even if u're separated from eachother you'd at least check on the once a week, or at least once in two weeks. But it was vividly clear that they hadn't. I hate how this world works. They would always be in my heart.+ I would be thankful from them for everything. It hurts, and it won't stop and im so sure I'd be carrying this pain for a long time. They mean too much to a lot of us. Sometimes I think to myself that god i love them so much. Remember in 2019 when we used to get SO many jenmishdee interactions? That was LIT. It was THEE year for us. I hope they're doing good. I really do. I hope we don't get more proofs and I won't have to update this thread. Cuz my heart won't be taking it very+ well.Something i gotta add U may say that Jensen's busy and that's why he doesn't comment. But he comments on a lot of jared and his new costar's posts. So that's no excuse. So yeah that's it. I don't know what am I supposed to think. english isn't my native language, so sorry for the mistakes

Here is my response:

I don't know who this person who has been talking to is but I have to say they seem to be project their previous relationship experience on cockles.

I believe Jensen and Misha are okay and are together. Social media likes and comments don't mean anything. I mean it's not like Jensen or Misha used to comment on each other's posts before. Jensen didn't even wish Dee Happy Mother's Day this year, does that mean they are not together anymore? Nope. He has other best friends he has known for over 20 years like Jason Manns, Steve Carlson etc that he doesn't wish happy birthday, does that mean they are not friends anymore.

Please let's not put value on social media likes. I don't even follow my own family on sm and I don't always like or comment on my bf's or bff's posts on sm. So it doesn't mean anything.

As for the Gish Panel, I have talked about it before, the time Jensen was slotted to attend the panel, he was meant to answer fan questions. I honestly believe they decided to not do it at that time because they knew the questions would be about Destiel and not their new projects. If you watched that panel, Misha knew that Jensen's album was out as I pointed out. He was just trying to promote the album and soldier boy. He knew Jensen had also buffed out. It was all to promote Jensen. Anything else you hear is trolls and antis just being loud. Also don't forget Jensen called him "babe".

If Jensen and Misha weren't okay, he wouldn't have attended or participated all those panels Misha organized especially for Gish. Danneel also posts a lot about RA and likes Misha's posts. I am 100% Misha visited the Ackles when he went to Colorado last month.

Stop listening to trolls and/or antis or just people who are projecting and look at facts.

[whoiskt]

2022 draws to a close... it is time now... the questions...

1: What did you do in 2022 that you’d never done before?

WENT TO THE OCEAN!!! BABEY WE FINALLY MADE IT!

Also wrote a TV pilot script which has altered the course of my future in ways that are yet to be determined....

I did some other things, of course, but nothing as big as those. Like, I went to the renaissance faire, and tried hot pot, poisoned myself with mold. Just a tastes of some firsts.

2: Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made... so many. It was too much. 

Read 10 books--- Yeah, I technically have started and failed to complete many books. This does include Dracula -_- I’m so bad at finishing things. I’m trying to finish one before New Years.

Go to an event I wouldn’t normally attend--- I mean, I did go to the ren faire... so I want to count this.

Run a mile in less than 12 minutes outdoors--- I didn’t try lmao once it was warm enough to run outdoors I had completely forgotten.

Apply for at least 4 jobs a week----

I was trying to film a second a day too and that ended in... February. 

Yeah, anyways, I don’t know. I got to be more reasonable.

3: Did anyone close to you give birth?

Nay! Least you count all the girlies at work.

4: Did anyone close to you die?

Nay!

5: What countries did you visit?

I’m still working on that ok?

6: What would you like to have in 2023 that you lacked in 2022?

Watch as KT chooses “career” for the fourth year in a row... Honestly, no. I’m going to say a feeling of community. That’s what I really want.

7: What dates from 2022 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

I will probably forget everything. I still remember the queen died on the 8th of September. I don’t know why I remember that but I doubt it will last.

8: What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Writing the script. I mean, it has changed a bit, and will continue to, but it was a big step in this journey I’m on. And as you know, I rarely finish things I start, so this was a big deal. Even if it never sees the light of day.

I read it to my family at Christmas and my oldest bro-in-law told me to keep making it because he likes it.... HUGE compliment coming from him.

I have also written the outlines for several other episodes for this not-real TV show of mine. I think I’m up to 5 outlines, in addition to the script. So, yeah. Even if it never gets to TV I might make it into a webcomic. Like, I'll make a pact that if I haven't gotten it made by the time I'm 30, I'll start making it into a webcomic instead.

Plus, I’ve been working a lot on my portfolio. I need to finish that up in January and then I’ll be applying for grad school! Scary but exciting. 

9: What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure of the year was probably whenever I applied and interviewed for that broadcasting job. I was really bummed that I didn’t get the job because of the following reasons:

1) It was “the perfect” job for me, I was perfectly qualified and it was in the perfect place, as close as I could get to my “dream job” without leaving the state.

2) There was three (3!) openings. The odds should have been in my favor

3) I knew someone who was already working there. Just embarrassing to me like, ok, so he knows I didn’t get the position. We went to school together our resumes were VERY similar ya know? How did I not get it?

But my biggest failure did lead me to self-reflect. The job search the last few years has been so hard. Getting this rejection was a very big “I can’t do this anymore” moment, so I was thinking, what has brought me satisfaction in all this? The answer was the TV show I write in my notes app.

And because I believe in that enough, I guess I’m going to go do that now instead. Either way, it’s been really fucking nice since then to have just completely given up on the job search. Just so nice.

10: Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, first I was sick... idk some time in Spring. Then I drank mold and became poisoned that way, so that was fun. And this last week I’ve had a stomach bug so wooo! I look forward to being well again.

11: What was the best thing you bought?

I bought the new tablet. It is really nice. But it would really only be useable thanks to Will, letting me borrow his computer all the time these days. 

12: Whose behavior merited celebration?

I respect all my friends for their behavior and growth or dealing with challenges. It was tough ages 18-24 dealing with losing friends, but now the people I choose to surround myself never worry me, or shock me, or even come close to disgusting me. That’s not something I could have said when I was younger (sadly). But now all my friends are super solid and I am proud to know them.

13: Whose behavior made you appalled?

I don’t know... sometimes my coworkers do stuff but I wouldn’t call it outright appalling? At worst it’s petty drama or bootlicking. But I’m very good at leaving things at work so I don’t care.

14: Where did most of your money go?

They keep increasing the gd rent grrrrr

15: What did you get really, really, really excited about?

The ocean and the beach and the accompanying aura was really cool. I was so excited in general for summer and warm weather, which I think I’m just thinking about because I want it really bad right now. 

Chainsaw Man anime! It’s been great showing it to Will, now he knows who tf I’m talking about.

16: What song will always remind you of 2022?

I really don’t listen to pop songs anymore but on our drive to the east coast we discovered Brick + Motar which has become a staple in our home, so pretty much all their songs.

17: Compared to this time last year, are you: (a) happier or sadder? (b) thinner or fatter? Richer or poorer?

I’m probably in all ways about the same. This is what I talk about when I say all the last few years have been a blur because things really don’t get better or worse they just stay the same.

18: What do you wish you’d done more of?

Focusing on finishing things I started. Running theme here, I know, lmao

19: What do you wish you’d done less of?

Play stupid little games on my phone. I seriously get addicted to these things.

20: How did you spend Christmas?

Went home. It was really brief this year. I'll make sure my visit next year is an extended stay.

21: Did you fall in love in 2022?

Never stopped.

22: What was your favorite TV program?

Some things I enjoyed this year: Severance, What We Do in the Shadows, Arcane, Chainsaw Man, Spy x Family, Jojo Part 6, Bee and Puppycat: Lazy in Space, Fringe, Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, Gravity Falls, and many docs.

23: Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nah.

24: What was the best book you read?

I have been and should be finished reading “The Song of Achilles” soon. I enjoy it because before I played Hades, and as a former greek mythology kid, I hadn’t heard of Patroclus, and I enjoy learning more about him..

25: What was your greatest musical discovery?

I did a lot of musical discovery this year. Like, more than usual, probably not a lot compared to most people. First off, I discovered Of Montreal (not from Montreal sus) TV on the Radio, and of course my Spotify top song of the year: “Heart It Races” by Architecture in Helsinki (I have yet to listen to a single other song of theirs because I just know nothing can top this).

Will discovered Brick + Mortar, and Fish in a Birdcage, which I have coveted.

I have also enjoyed That Handsome Devil and Spoon. Although there is more diving to do with them.

26: What did you want and get?

New drawing tablet. 

27: What did you want and not get?

New laptop. My tastes are just too expensive and so I ended up using the money for other things.

28: What was your favorite film of this year?

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE!

29: What one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Writing things for myself and then reading them off to Will. Oh, yeah, my TV show has a fan! Just greenlight me baby!

30: How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2022?

Visions from higher powers. But mostly I don’t wear pants at home. I’m not wearing pants as I write this.

31: What kept you sane?

Socializing. Going outside. Going for walks. Music. My notes app.

32: Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I don’t care about celebrities but I do care about Aki Hayakawa.

33: What political issue stirred you the most?

I lost rights this year so..... oof.

34: Who did you miss?

My kitty cat. 

35: Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2022.

I learned not to compromise on quality of life? Life is filled with dreams. You gotta follow the string of satisfaction. 

It’s easy to get caught up in a stream of “well I have to do this, and then that, and then I’ll be happy.” Which is pretty much how I have lived my life up to this point. I went to college because I thought it was a step to happiness. I wasn’t happy while doing it. I should have done something else, I think. It was unhappy times. 

Like, I don’t really like my job, it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life, or even a year more, but it’s something I can do now, while pursuing other things that DO satisfy me... and THAT’S the satisfaction I have in my life. Before, it was just a step while I waited for something better. But I realize that’s not a good way to live life.

36: Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

[alltheselights]

Doesn't that mean Larry isn't a thing though?

First, let me note that this is something Harry and everyone around him has been saying in not so many words since November 2019, and if you were in doubt then, the music video could not have been more obvious about the intent of the song, or at least the marketing.

But to answer your question, no, it doesn’t. I feel like one of the main reasons why Harry's comments from last night would make you freak out or question your beliefs about Harry and Louis or double down in your denial about what the song is intended to be is if you've defined your existence as a Larrie around this idea that Harry is 100% a gay man who could never in a million years be attracted to a woman. And unfortunately, I think a lot of people have done that.

I feel like there has always been this very strict belief that 1) Harry hates his womanizer and fantasy boyfriend roles, that 2) he has despised and been unconvincing in every PR relationship and stunt he’s ever had, and that 3) he is not attracted to women and could never be attracted to women. And I used to fully believe all of these things too, but I feel like with time and perspective, I don’t necessarily anymore.

I think that Harry's womanizer image while in One Direction went several steps too far to the point where he and the other boys were uncomfortable with it, but there were moments where Harry had fun with it. One example is when they were doing that interview in Australia with Liam and Louis and Harry went over to snatch the woman's phone number. Eventually, however, I think it reached a level where he was disgusted and frustrated by it because it came to define him and made him seem like a bad person, which is not accurate, and at that point, he was not interested in playing along with the image they assigned him. I also think it was started at such a young age when he had no power to consent to it truly, and that was never going to be acceptable in any way.

Now that Harry has gone solo, I believe that he has significantly more control than he ever did then. He could have gone in many different directions and he has definitely embraced a more open, ambiguous image, but I think it's hard for people to admit that he's also embraced a new role as a fantasy boyfriend. It's not the same as before, as he's able to be more ambiguous about his sexuality and with his clothing, but he markets his music as being about women, he publicly dates only women, and he takes actions to appeal to the female gaze. I often see people talk about how Harry isn't trying to appeal to women because he doesn't fully embrace a stereotypically masculine look, but as I've seen discussed more and more often lately, those stereotypically masculine looks actually appeal more to the male gaze. This article talks about that. Many men think women are attracted to intimidating, uber macho men, but a lot of women are actually often attracted to men like Harry who are in touch with their feminine side. When Harry is shirtless and sweaty in a music video but also not afraid to wear feminine clothing or to talk about his feelings, that DOES appeal to women. They do find that sexy and attractive, and Harry and his team know that and they play to it when they can.

This role isn’t the only one that Harry embraces now that he's solo, but it is something that he and his team have chosen to do. After so many years of us defending Harry against a womanizer image that took things way too far at a young age while Harry was still figuring himself out, that can be a tough pill to swallow. However, we have to realize that both things can exist in the same universe. Harry can have been uncomfortable with where the womanizer image that he was given at age 16 when he had little power to change it and also choose to embrace a kind of fantasy boyfriend role now that he's a solo artist, older, more comfortable with his sexuality, and able to make decisions for himself. He can take control of a narrative that previously harmed him and use it to benefit him and to sell more music, more merch, and more tickets.

When Harry stunts with women, even when he's very convincing (like with Kendall on the yacht when she was laying on top of him and kissing him, or with Olivia on the yacht recently where they were dancing and kissing), you see people claim that it's a "gay yacht" or that he seems miserable even when he doesn't. Do I believe both are absolutely PR relationships and not genuine? Yes. Do I believe that Harry acted convincingly as someone interested in women in both instances? Yes. I think part of the reason why yachtgate with Kendall was so upsetting to me at the time because even though I never believed it was genuine, it LOOKED genuine, and I’d never thought Harry could pull that off. I think part of the reason why the Olivia yacht stuff didn’t bother me at all is because at this point, I do believe Harry can convincingly appear to be interested in women, even if he’s also interested in men, and so when he did, I was fine with it and didn’t feel threatened by it. It’s the same thing with Harry’s acting in DWD where a lot of Larries tried to claim he was unconvincing after seeing a two second clip of him making out with a woman. I thought he looked fine, as did most of the random people who watched that clip, and it did not threaten my beliefs about Harry because I recognize that he can be convincing in heterosexual roles and it doesn’t impact whether he likes men or not or whether he’s in a relationship with Louis or not.

Now don’t get me wrong - I don’t think he’s convincing in every instance, not even in every instance with Olivia or Kendall, but I’m just saying that I think he can play the role with them when he wants to. I don’t think he appeared uncomfortable in either instance. And I think when you admit that and acknowledge it, it’s easier to be a fan because you’re not living in denial and trying to act like Harry is DISGUSTED by these women and could never in a million years convince anyone he’s attracted to them, or attracted to women in general.

I don’t know if Harry is attracted to women, but based on his behavior and the types of things he writes in recent years, I do believe that it���s a possibility. I know I’m in the minority on that, just as I am with most of my beliefs, but even if people don’t agree with me, I feel like it’s really important that people realize that your existence as a Larrie should not be so rooted in Harry only liking men that your theories are all threatened or you’re enraged by a comment about a song being about female orgasms when they’ve been clear about that since day one. Harry can like women and still like men. Harry can like women and still be with Louis. Harry can write a sexual song about women and still like men. Harry can write a sexual song about women with numerous co-writers and still be with Louis. These things are not mutually exclusive, and when you treat them like they are, that’s when the denial starts and that’s when people start getting angry and upset with Harry over something that is not a big deal.

[writingsfromhome]

Bad Timing III

A/N: Okay. This one has it all: action, betrayal, confessions, concussions (again), snark, and an ending that is neither happy nor sad, or maybe you make it what you want it to be :) This was so different from anything I’ve written and I want to say thank you everyone for reading it and motivating me to continue loll

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

-------------------------------

I’m surprised to find Harry on my doorstep this early on a Wednesday morning. At first, I think he’d cracked the case. But he looks like he’d just rolled out of bed, a stubble roughening his usual freshly shaved face. He didn’t look like he had good news.

“You look rough,” I comment. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” he blows his cheeks out with a breath. “Ab-so-lutely nothing, literally. I’m hitting a dead end with your case and I feel like shit about it.”

“So...you’ve decided to knock on my door at quarter to 8 and? Discuss the case with me?”

“Well I...not exactly.”

“Did you want to come in? Maybe go through some more of my private boxes?” I ask. I was being petty, making him feel uncomfortable. But I also wanted to just put it out there, so it didn’t hang above us like the rest of our past. The last thing I wanted from him was pity, so if I had to make him feel guilty instead I would own that.

He blushes, just like I knew he would. “M’sorry about that,” he mumbles, looking appropriately self-conscious. “I could do with a coffee if you have some?”

“You look like you need one but...I’ve got to head out soon.”

“I’ll give you a ride in,” he offers. “I...we can just talk about the case. This can be professional.”

My laugh is brittle as I open the door to let him in, like a stray I knew I would regret. “Nothing about this is professional.”

He walks right in through to my kitchen--he knew where it was by now. I put on another pot and the awkward silence settles in. This was exactly how my friends described interactions with their exes, I guess I was truly living the life of a divorcee and it was all very mundane.

“So, did you have a guest over?” He asks. I raise an eyebrow and he motions to the two cups sitting on the table.

I roll my eyes and pick them up, “Great observation skills, Detective.”

“It’s my job,” he rolls with the sarcasm, cracking the ice we’d found ourselves in again. He takes a seat at the table and begins, “So the group that hit your bank hit up two more in the last week.”

“Two?” I was shocked. So many victims, I almost want to make a Bank Heist Survivor Group for us.

“Yeah,” he accepts the cup I pour for him. I sit across him with my second of the morning. The first I had drank with an on-and-off again guy I’d been seeing for the last few months--Alec. I never really let myself get serious with him, afraid to get hurt I guess. I knew he liked me, and he was good to me, but I didn’t want to make any commitments. This morning was the first time I let him stay for breakfast...after that letter it felt like something changed in me.

The letter...Harry...I focus back on his words as I realise he was talking to me, “...last one they’ve actually put someone in hospital--the ICU. If she doesn’t make it, it becomes homicide and-”

“Homicide?” Once again, I’m shocked. These people were really terrorizing the banks, and the police had no leads. Or at least that’s how Harry made it seem: “Any leads?”

“Um, I probably shouldn’t say-”

“So that’s a no.”

He looks up sharply before a small embarrassed smile softens his gaze. “Nothing serious.”

“That sounds like a load of useless shite you lot are doing at the station. Three banks and you’ve got nothing?”

He avoids answering, taking a sip of his coffee. “There are some leads, but the group’s really good. I just--I feel like there’s something staring me right in the face but I can’t see it.”

“What’s new?” I raise an eyebrow. He lets out a short laugh, shaking his head as he busies himself with the coffee. “What? I’m not joking.”

“This,” he gestures to me. “This snarky Y/N is a bit of an adjustment. I know you like your sarcasm, I just haven’t had it directed at me in a while.”

I cross my arms, maybe I needed to dose up my attitude so he knew I was 100% serious. When he catches on, he sets his cup down. “They’ve hit your bank up first yeah? I feel like there’s a reason for that, some personal connection maybe? Have you guys turned down anyone for a loan or anything recently? Someone that might want to target your bank first?”

“I’d have to check,” my mind begins to go over anyone we’ve had come in recently with issues.

“Oh!” He jumps in his seat. “The client you were meant to see--did you talk to him? I was going to ask you when you came to pick up the evidence but...”

“I was too busy to go.” I finish his sentence for him. “It’s weird actually, I called and got voicemail. I also emailed to apologise and reschedule but his office is away, I only get automated replies that they’re out of office or something.”

Harry pulls out the notebook he uses and asks me to write down their information, I was sure I’d written it down for him already but I write it a second time. I push the notebook back towards him, and he places his hand on top of mine instead of taking it back from me. I freeze, his large hand familiar and yet, heavier than I remembered.

“What are you doing,” I ask.

“I...want to apologise. For the other day.”

“Please let go of me,” I stare at his hand on mine.

“If I can just say-”

“Let go,” I say, slower. He clears his throat and removes his hand.

I pick up my mug, and move to the sink. Harry realises he’d overstayed his welcome and gets back up, throwing his jacket over his arm and hovering at the edge of the kitchen.

“Thanks for the coffee,” he says awkwardly. “And letting me think out loud. Should I um, wait outside?”

I remember I’d forgone getting to work on time on my own for his coffee and case updates. Fuck, this was going to be awkward. “Sure, I’ll just grab my things.”

He waits on my front stoop, talking on his phone and once he’s done we walk silently to his car when I join him. The silence in the car is deafening. I watch his hand twitch to the radio but he rests it back onto the steering wheel without turning it on. After a few more moments of silence, he speaks up.

“So uh, did you want to ask me about what you brought up...the day you came to pick up the evidence? You said you had questions?”

“Are you serious?” I look at him, incredulous. He really was incredibly thick if he thought I wanted to have this conversation now, after this morning.

“What? I’m just trying to make conversation and you’re the one that wanted to talk about it so-”

“Have I not made it crystal clear that I only want to talk to you about the case? What makes you think that’s a good topic right now?”

He shrugs, and I once again pray that the other people on his team were smarter than him because if he was the lead, my case was going nowhere.

“Can I just ask one question?” He tries again. I almost want to slam my hands on the dashboard but I sigh through gritted teeth instead and tell him he could. “Did you...ever actually read the letter? Last week...you sounded sort of surprised when I mentioned it.”

“I...” I consider lying. but I go for the truth which is a change for us. “I didn’t.”

“Oh,” he sounds dejected.

“I read it last weekend.”

“Oh,” he says again, slightly hopeful. “But this whole time...you didn’t know?”

“That’s another question.” I didn’t want to go into what I thought of him this whole time. “I only agreed to one question.”

“Fair enough,” he taps the steering wheel. We’d managed to get stuck in some traffic. “So that box I sort of looked into the other day...”

“I said no to more questions, Harry.”

“That wasn’t a question,” he says, neatly catching me in his trap. I glare at him, but his cheeky smile tells me he was slightly enjoying pushing my buttons. I make a mental note to never accept a ride from my ex-husband ever again.

We fall silent, and the letter plays through my mind again, I’d reread it a few times before I tucked it into my bookshelf. I’d decided after that, to take The Box and tape it up. I wrote my sister’s address and left it by my front door to mail out when I had the chance. It was time I let it go, I realized. My sister was having her third child, and I was so happy for her. I had people who loved me, and people I loved. I realised that I was holding on to the box and it was just torturing myself. I had enough torturous things in my life, I didn’t need to be one of them.

It feels like forever until Harry pulls up to the curb down the street from my building. I thank him properly, not wanting to be a complete bitch.

But as I walk around to the sidewalk, he calls my name. I turn back to him standing outside his car with his hand outstretched.

“You forgot this,” he holds out my umbrella. I sigh and go back to take it from him but he holds onto it.

“Are you going to let me have it?” I tug again.

“Yes,” he lets go and I have to balance myself on my back leg. “Thanks for taking me in this morning. And for the coffee...you didn’t have to, yet you did.”

“Don’t read into it detective,” I scowl. “It was purely to get more insight on the case.”

“Right,” he smirks.

“But since you had no insights, it was a waste of time.”

“Don’t say that so loud,” he hisses. “I’ve got a reputation to uphold.”

“I’m not telling the people something they don’t already know.”

He narrows his eyes and grins, and my heart skips a beat. It was a familiar look, he used to look at me like that all the time. And I realise that maybe I’d just been flirting with him a little, albeit aggressively but...I drop my smile into a neutral expression. He notices the change and drops his own grin.

“I spoke to my supervisor and I’m going to set up in an empty room if that’s alright. I wanted to interview some of your staff, see if they had any clients who might want revenge by-”

“You’re coming in today?” I feel like he’d just pulled some sleight of hand trick on me, driving me to work only to come in with me. “I don’t know if my staff wants to talk.”

“It’s an investigation, they all agreed to further questioning when they gave their statements Y/N, I’m not going to be invasive. You won’t even notice I’m there.”

“I have no choice do I?” I turn around and begin walking up the street. He follows me in.

And surprisingly, I barely notice him in the empty conference room until after lunch when he comes in to tell me he would be back later, that he had to drop by the station for something his evidence team found.

I make a few rounds to my staff, make sure Harry didn’t disrupt their peace. That they were still okay after talking about the thieves. Being on the floor, my eyes continue to dart to the door, eyeing each of the customers.

I lock myself in my office for the last hour, channeling the nervous energy to get work done. It’s a few minutes before closing that I get the email. I rush to open it: the client I was meant to see finally responded.

Good afternoon Ms. Y/L/N,

We apologise for the delay in our response, our offices have been closed for the last week blah blah blah. We’re very sorry to hear about the events that occurred in your bank. As a loyal client, we would like to extend our sympathy...

I skip to what I needed to know:

To respond to your inquiry about the meeting we had scheduled, there doesn’t look to be anything on our end. I’ve spoken to the advisor personally, he had a flight out of the city that exact date so he wouldn’t have booked a meeting at the same time. I think this could be an error on your end but do let us know if there’s anything we can provide to help...

I sit back from my screen, my thoughts racing. I read it again to be sure and bury my face in my hands. I read it a third time to be sure.

Adam had specifically told me the meeting was at 10am sharp, the client threatened to switch banks if I didn’t attend. But if they never booked it...I actually had no reason to be there.

Except I was the only one who had access to the vault.

I stand up in a rush, this was an inside job! Someone I worked with knew who robbed this bank, they worked with them! Harry was right, the truth was staring at us and it was so obvious!

I take out my phone and text Harry: call me, the client for Thursday just got back to me...he wasn’t in the city that day?  I think about adding more, but I didn’t want to freak him out. This could be a big misunderstanding, and I didn’t want him to come here only for it to be nothing. I place my phone on my desk and take a few deep breaths to calm myself down.

I walk out of my office, most of my staff had cleared for the day. Two of them deal with the last customers, but my eyes are searching for Adam. I had to ask him more about this client phone call, what number had they called from? Was he sure it was from the correct offices?

But Adam is nowhere to be found, which was weird because he worked until 5pm.

I move to the staff room, but stop in my tracks when a familiar voice chills me to the bone. I knew the voice, it was the same distinct voice that haunted my thoughts for the last two weeks.

I peek around the corner, Adam and a muscled bloke stand right outside the staff room. My shock catches itself in my throat as my heart plummets; the inside man--it was Adam. Adam had betrayed us all. Shy, awkward Adam. Suddenly I remember all of his jumpy behaviours since the robbery, and all his questions about security before. I just thought he was trying to learn more about the bank. Little did I know...my blood boils but  I have to put aside my own feelings of betrayal when the conversation grows louder. I strain to hear.

“The phone and the fucking card are missing, you better not be the reason we’re found out!” The muscled guy with the voice jams his finger into Adam’s chest. Adam looks scared shitless.

“I swear, I looked through the evidence they returned. I-I gave you the phone back! They haven’t said anything-”

“But that one detective was sniffing around here this morning? That’s why you texted me right? What did you tell him huh?”

“I didn’t say anything, he hasn’t even talked to me I-”

“That’s right. Make something up, a crazy customer from the day before some shite like that. If you even look suspicious to him, I’m going to come over to your flat for a nice dinner and invite my friend with me.”

My eyes bug out when I see him shift his jacket to reveal the hilt of a gun. Fuck!

I reach down for my phone but I don’t have it, double fuck, I think. I left it on my desk after texting Harry. I was an idiot, a big big idiot.

I try to soften my footsteps as I walk away from the staff room but the conversation must have ended because their footsteps echo on the tiled floor. I push into the nearest door and lay flat against the wall inside. I’m so focused on listening for their voices that I don’t realise I stepped into the men’s room.

“-before I leave..” to my horror, their voices stop right outside the room I’m in. I look around and realise I was in the men’s room. My instinct is to hide in a stall but this was a one-toilet bathroom, there was absolutely nowhere to go.

In slow motion, the door in front of me opens and the muscled, gun-owning guy looks right at me. It feels like a Western showdown as we lock eyes and freeze.

“Hey...Adam,” the guy calls out to Adam who must’ve been behind him. Adam peers around his shoulder and tenses when he notices me. “She’s in the men’s room! Isn’t that weird?”

“I-Y/N...she usually uses the men’s room.” Adam tries to cover for me but my deer-in the headlights expression is enough to give away that I knew who he was. I was trapped in here like prey. Adam lowers his voice, “C’mon, just leave her here and go-”

“She’s seen my face though,” He steps in and I inch into the corner.

“Look, I can forget your face. We can pretend this never happened please, I really really don’t want to die in a men’s room.”

Tattoo laughs, untucking his gun from his waistband. “I don’t believe you. Adam, get some tape so we can tie her up. I don’t want blood on my hands but if you make any noise, I’m painting this room fucking red.”

I keep my mouth shut, and nod. I’m reliving the worst day of my life all over again as I stare at the barrel of the gun. A small part of me wonders how my life could hang in the balance of this man’s fingers, twice, but I stay silent.

“There’s nobody here, everyone’s gone home.” Adam says, more to me. Tattoo pushes me against the tiled walls and pats me down roughly. I protest but he pushes the gun against my skull and I fall silent. Adam tries to step in, offering to make sure I didn’t have anything on me like my phone but I was stupid enough not to have it on me. His friend steps into the hall and makes a call, I assume to his crew.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry.” Adam’s voice breaks as he pats me down gently. I turn to him, with tears in my eyes. I was scared, and I needed Adam to get help. “Adam please, please don’t do this. Whoever he is, the police can protect you I-”

“He’s my cousin Y/N, you don’t understand he will kill me if I go against him. It’s complicated--my family’s complicated. I’m not like them. Y/N I’m so sorry I swear he...” he falls silent as his cousin comes back in. Adam makes a show of taping my hands and legs. I try to whisper, beg him to try but Tattoo notices and shoves me against the tiles. I think I black out for a second because the next moment, he’s pressing tape down over my mouth. I feel the panic I’d kept at bay blow up in full force, along with an ache in my temples. My breathing comes out short and I squeeze my eyes shut so I wouldn’t cry. I was going to die in a men’s restroom; this was what my miserable life had culminated to.

I remember the text to Harry then, maybe he’ll come. With backup. Maybe he’ll save the day for once. And I think about security, they surely noticed I never left the building, maybe they’ll go looking for me.

But my hopes are dashed when a woman comes in, I recognise her voice as the one who’d pushed me into putting the code into the vault.

“The side door was unlocked,” she tells Tattoo. She notices me and smirks, “It’s like you want your bank to be robbed. Who leaves the side door open after hours?”

She laughs and turns back to Tattoo, tells him that the guards were down and the place was officially locked up. They bring Adam in, and check with him that he knew where I kept my passwords, that he could clear out any money still left at this time of the day. I don’t hold back then, my tears flow silently down my cheeks as I watch them all leave me in the dark. If the police still hadn’t arrived, I really was going to die here like this. I don’t know when, but I pass out, and when I come to again I’m being pulled up aggressively while a familiar voice shouts at the people dragging me. Was that Harry?

H’s POV:

The one time I leave my phone in my car, I miss the most important text of my entire career--my entire life.

Around 2:30, the evidence team calls me, there was a breakthrough on the phone and card from the scene. A few numbers, but they were still trying to process the application for the records. I decided I couldn’t sit around and wait so I drive to the station and rush inside, leaving my phone behind.

It’s a waste of time though, the number leads to a burner that leads to a local shop that leads to a credit card. And that leads to a warrant which could take hours. Two hours later and I’m frustrated and moody. I decide to get some fresh air, and check my phone but reaching for my pocket I realise it wasn’t there.

I head to my car and find it between the seats. When I turn it on, Y/N’s name stands out and her text pushes me to my feet and into my car. I call her three times on my way to the bank but it keeps ringing. Fuck, I think. What if something happened to her? How was it that it was now a second time I was rushing to where she worked, afraid for her life.

I pull up the closest parking spot I can find to see security locking up. I rush to knock on the door but he only glances me, points to the closed sign, and walks away disinterested. I was in plainclothes today so he must have thought I was a customer. I reach for my badge to show him, and realise I’d left that in my jacket in my car. I couldn’t get anything fucking right today. I bang on the door but he ignores me, and the people outside begin to stare at me.

“I’m a detective,” I try to reassure them but they hurry past. It was stupid but I squint to see if anyone was inside, but there’s not a single soul. I see movement cast a shadow at the very end of the room but I can’t see anything with the way the glass is positioned. I center myself at the front again but the security is gone--I was going to have to find another way in.

I move around the big block of a building, looking high and low for another entrance into the building but the next shop over is a cafe so I double back and try the other way. A wooden door sits between the bank and the purses crowded in the store window on the other side. I try the door but it’s locked. Of course.

I go back to my car and find my lock pick kit, picking up my badge was a good idea. Within minutes, I’m in and a sterile hall greets me. I try the door on the left, but notice the keypad. After some bad guesses, I consider who set this: Y/N. I try her birthdate, her family’s birthdates--as close as i could remember. My feet tap against the tile rhythmically when the door knob turns right in front of my eyes. I dash to the side and huddle in front of the next door, rattling my keys as if I were trying to get in. Luckily, that door is unlocked and it’s a utility closet. I rush inside and peek through the crack; a man comes out and holds the door open while a woman opens the door I just came in from.

“It was unlocked,” she says skeptically.

“Shite security, just come in. When’s Russ getting here? He’s always the bloody last of us anywhere.”

Something was very wrong, I realize. But I don’t have time to think, I jump out of my hiding spot and manage to slide my hand into the closing door. I nearly crush my fingers but I nudge the door back open and slip into the bank.

The area’s clear, I move in to investigate. It’s only when I move from the hidden passage to the main lobby that the weight of the situation dawns on me. A different man wraps the security’s hand behind his back and pushes him against the wall. Push was nicer than what it looked like, he practically drags the guard into the wall.

My shoes squeaks on the floor and he looks up sharply, eyeing the area I was peeking out from. I crouch down, next to the trash bin and wait for his footsteps to leave. When I peer around the corner again, a familiar face paces behind the desks. Adam, I think it was, Y/N’s assistant.

It becomes clear in an instant, like a timelapse of a foggy night clearing into a bright blue sky. It was right in front of my face: Y/N’s assistant. The one who’d asked her to come in for a made-up appointment, the one who knew her exact schedule, the one who was jumpy and nervous every time I spoke with him. I thought he was just a shy kid but...he’d betrayed Y/N and been the inside man for these robberies.

I take my phone out, ready to text someone for backup but voices coming my way forces me to stop what I was doing. I press myself against the wall, trying to make myself smaller.

“I think she’s knocked out-”

“Don’t hurt her,” That was Adam. I recognised his cowardly voice. “We wouldn’t have gotten this far without her just, leave her in the bathroom. We can take everything and go.”

“You don’t have a say what goes on around here,” the woman says to him. “Your puny arse is why that detective was sniffing around here anyway.”

“She’s seen all our faces,” one of the guys says. “I’ll do it after you go.”

“She won’t remember, please.” Adam tries again. “Leave the charges at robbery, don’t add murder. She’s my boss I...”

The blood rushes to my head: his boss. Y/N was here, and they were casually talking about killing her? I take my phone out just as it begins to vibrate. I jump and manage to stop it in time, but my badge--the one thing I’d taken from my car purposely, clangs against the metal trash can.

Footsteps rush towards me and I stand up with my hands up, “Backup’s on the way, I suggest you lot put down-” they were all pointing guns at me. Bollocks. “your weapons.”

“That’s the fucking detective,” the one I’d seen tying up security waves his gun at me and I try not to panic. I wasn’t involved with a lot of guns, just the wounds they left in victims. I listen to him swear, “Backup yeah? I don’t hear shit. How did you even get in here?”

“I told you, the door was unlocked. The security here is shite.” The woman says, eyeing me. “I say we tie him up with the bitch and skip out now.”

“We haven’t even taken everything, this idiot doesn’t know the passcode-”

“I told you it changes every week. She must have changed it today.”

“Adam, how could you?” I speak up and all eyes-and guns-are back on me. Adam opens his mouth like a fish out of water but nothing comes out, I watch as he squirms and his group moves closer to me.

“Phone,” the one with tattoos points to the device in my hand. “Check his phone, if he called backup it would be on it.

I curse, they were smart. They’d robbed three banks after this and hadn’t left much behind--I should’ve known to be better prepared.

Someone takes my phone, another comes around and shoves the gun in my back which forces me to walk out into the lobby. They go through my phone and snicker at something. type something in and then toss the phone in the trash can beside us. I balk at the sound it makes when it crashes; the gun in my back pushes me forward and I’m forced to walk down the lobby, through a door and up to the men’s room.

“Wake the bitch up,” one of them men speak behind me. “Tie this one up and get her to open the safe with the new code.”

I knew I was outnumbered, they push me through the door and Y/N’s body is curled in one corner. The freshly pressed clothing from this morning are rumpled around her frame and she looks unconscious. The one who tied up security tapes my hands around my back and pushes me beside the sink.

“Don’t touch her!” I struggle against the arms who hold me back as the tattooed guy hauls her up and slaps her face.

“Wake up, it’s show time.” he shakes her. I push against the body pressing me down as they take Y/N out of the room. Her eyes flutter open and catch mine before she’s dragged out.

“I swear if you guys touch her I’ll snap your neck in half,” I can’t stop the panic turning into rage. “She-”

“Are you sleeping with her or something? Shut the fuck up.” The woman kicks the back of my knees and I fall, hitting my head as I crash down on my knees. She closes the door behind her.

I don’t know how much time passes but it feels like hours. The next time the doors open, they shove Y/N inside and she stumbles. I jump up to help her but with both of our hands behind our backs I accidentally lurch forward and her head bumps off chest.

“God! Harry!” She winces. “Way to hit the one part of my body that already feels like it’s going to explode.”

“Y/N,” I steady her with my chest and lean down to look at her. “Are you alright? Did they do anything to you?”

“Other than terrify, harass, and manhandle me? Oh, and give me another concussion...hm...”

“Here,” I motion with my chin. “Turn around, I’m going to get this tape off of you and you help me.”

She does as I say and I use the sharp edge of the ring I wore to make a small tear.

“Holy shit that’s better,” she shakes her hands out and gets to work on mine. As soon as my hands are free I try the door, there was a slim chance but we were in a restroom. I had to try. But it’s locked. Y/N speaks up from behind me: “They lock from the outside if you have the key--they probably got it from security. I don’t know who I angered in a past life but this is some shitty karma.”

“There’s got to be a way out of this room,” I wasn’t about to give up.

“There isn’t. But shouldn’t there be, like, backup coming?” Y/N takes a seat against the wall, watching me explore every inch of the tiny room.

“I...no. They took my phone before I could-”

“You came here without telling anyone? Even after the text I sent?” She shoots daggers at me.

“Well your text wasn’t exactly screaming danger!”

“I really have no fucking clue how you got your position Harry, surely anyone else would not be this dense.”

“I’m trying to find us a way out of here, this isn’t my fault! And anyway, it is your assistant that’s set this all up,” I say defensively.

“Sure know how to pick the men in my life, don’t I?” She says, but quieter. Seeing her bruised and hopeless there fuels me to look harder for a way our but after a frantic search, there really wasn’t anything in this place. No window, no vent big enough, nothing to pick the lock. I find a first aid that’s mostly empty, but there’s still an ice pack, tape, and painkillers inside. I crack the ice pack and hand it to Y/N who takes it silently, and then I slump down against the wall opposite Y/N and hang my head.

“What do you reckon they’re doing out there?” she asks.

“They were going to clean the place out and skip town.”

“Do you think we’re gonna die here?” she asks, her voice wobbly like she was about to cry. “Don’t. Don’t look at me like that, I’m just...asking.”

I look away from her face, her expression crumbling under my light scrutiny. She sniffs. Without looking at her I say “We’re not dying here. I told my guys to call me when they have something, and if they can’t reach me it’ll be suspicious enough to followup at least.”

“By the time they grow suspicious enough to track you, we’ll be dead. I’ve not got much faith in your team.” Y/N crosses her arms. Even under these circumstances, she’s fierce.

“They’re close to a breakthrough. It was them calling me that got me caught out there actually. Not even the call itself...my bloody badge clanged against the--it doesn’t matter anyway. But they must have something, they’ll be here soon. We won’t die in here.”

I felt more than hopeless stuck here. Out of the two of us, I was supposed to be the one who could make their way out of this type of situation. Months of training and years of experience, and here I sat stuck in a bathroom with the woman I gave up on.

“What a way to go,” she sighs. “In the bloody loo.”

I want to go over and put my arm around her, maybe I needed the comfort more than she did. But based on the way she crosses her arm and keeps her legs up I know she’s guarding herself. I could read the signs. So we sit there silently for who knows how long. Every so often a muffled noise comes from outside, we hear a crash but the silence after doesn’t tell us whether the thieves had left or they were still around.

With Y/N going mute, I look around the room again but there’s still nothing. She slumps further to the floor, and I seat myself back down again. I stare at her, remembering the shape of her face under my hand, the curve of her hips when my fingers traced them. Her laugh, the way she liked to tease me. If I was dying here, and this was my life flashing before my eyes...I sure had missed out on a lot of it. And if the robbers decided to come in here, and put a bullet in each of us, what kind of person had I even been?

A new surge of energy goes through me, I take the slim door handle and try it again. I know it wasn’t going to open but I tug it, again and again. I brace my foot against the wall and try and try again. But it remains stubbornly closed.

Winded, I sit back down. Y/N just watches me silently as the hope officially leaves my body. We sit in silence.

“Are you happy?” she asks after a few minutes. I look over at her bruised forehead, she raises an eyebrow and immediately winces. I reach over--in the small space, even on opposite walls, she was an arm away. I guide her hand with the ice over the bruise.

“I don’t know,” I admit, leaning back against the wall. “Why?”

She shrugs, going silent. I stretch my legs out and she mimics me, finally letting down her guard as her legs rest beside mine. I give her another minute, and she responds. “Your letter, you said you left because you weren’t happy. So I’m just wondering...are you happy now?”

“If I said yes, would it make you feel better?”

“Well, it would make you falling in love with another woman and breaking my heart in the process a little easier to accept...it wouldn’t have been for nothing if you’re happy.”

“You sure have a lot of tact,” I sigh.

“We might die here?” she fixes me with an annoyed glare. “There’s no time for tact when I could get closure? Before I die?”

“We’re not dying in here,” I promise but she shrugs like she didn’t have much faith in me. And why should she?

“Don’t avoid the question: are you happy?”

I give myself a moment, taking in her face. I didn’t know how to answer that without the overwhelming shame and guilt choking me. In a way, yes. In others, no. I settle for, “Sometimes.”

“What the fuck does that mean?” she hits her foot into my knee. “Sometimes? You cheated on me, and dumped me for a sometimes?”

“Okay wait,” I stop her. “I want to get something straight, I never cheated on you--”

“You did! You fell for some woman a-and you literally married her not even a year after we split!”

“Y/N,” I grow serious. She had thought that this whole time that I... “That’s not how it-” I let out a breath, truly realising what she thought of me this whole time. “Y/N, I fell for someone, sure, but I never even went out with her before we split. Nothing happened! It just took falling for someone else to make me realise my heart wasn’t in it--with us. It made me see I wasn’t happy where I was. But I-I went on one date with that person after we split and it was awful. She avoided me at work after that.”

“What?” she furrows her brows. “So-so who the fuck did you marry?”

I almost laugh, but it would be so inappropriate. “Someone else I worked with-”

“Wow, Harry, you really know how to get around.” She crosses her arms.

“I never denied that--you knew me in uni.”

A small smile cracks her guard but she covers it with an eye roll. “That’s the only thing you’ve said all day that’s actually made sense.”

“It’s nice to see you smile,” I say which earns me a glare. I saw it coming, and that makes me smile. Her glare falters at my smile and she covers her face with the ice pack. I continue, feeling more confident to explain. “Anyway, it was this other person from work, we’d worked on a few files together and she was actually the one who asked me out when she found out I was single. I felt like I had a strong connection with her--to be honest I think I was just lonely and h-um,..y’know. Mistook that for a gem, and married her.”

“I always thought you married the woman you fell for. So you could have a baby.”

I have to laugh at that. “I didn’t want a baby that badly--with someone I barely knew at best.”

She shrugs, “Well we were so tumultuous after we found out our chances were low and you were such a bitch to me about that so what else was I to think?”

I feel like an arse all over again. “I was an idiot, a big fucking idiot Y/N.”

“When did you realise?” She leans forward. “Cuz I’ve known that for years now.”

I rub my face with my hand, she was never going to make this easy. “I thought having a kid would make me happy, make me feel complete; it was the missing thing in my life. So when I realised our chances were low, it just killed my hope of ever being happy. Honestly I think even if we got pregnant I would’ve still been unhappy. I was just...using that as an excuse to..break us apart. It was never about you, I was just too cowardly to admit that I was going to hurt you if I told you I wanted a divorce for the real reason: because I wasn’t happy.”

“So...you made me feel like a fuck-up for not being able to get pregnant instead?”

“I...yeah,” there was the waves of shame crashing into me, I was drowning in it. Y/N just sits there, I can feel the judgement and hurt rippling off of her as she pieces everything together. “I feel awful about that. You really didn’t deserve that.”

“No, I didn’t.”

Her tightened fists tell one story, but the tears pooling in her eyes tells a different one. I slide closer to her, crossing my legs in front of her. “There’s nothing I can say to even begin to apologise for that. I should have just been honest, told you I wasn’t happy in the relationship, in my job, where my life was heading. But I let you believe it was somehow your fault and I can never take that back.”

She continues to watch me, her mouth a tight line as she tries not to cry. But with a blink of her eyes, the tears are streaming down her face. I reach out to her, out of habit, but she shrinks away. So I move back to the opposite wall and watch miserably as she cries into her sleeves.

“I was still unhappy, after the other marriage.” The only thing I can do is continue, I didn’t want to watch her cry in silence. “It took me finding her flirting with another bloke at work to realise we were a farce. I split with her, quit my job a few weeks later, and it was only then I felt free. It was a good feeling; the closest to happiness I’d felt back then. And then I lived with my sister for a few weeks while I figured out my next steps. You should know she was fuming when she found out we split, she didn’t talk to me for weeks.”

Y/N had wipes her tears by now, and listens to me talking in silence. When I mention my sister, she smiles. “We talk, here and there. Never about you, but I still keep in touch with her. And your mum. We had dinner when they were in London last year, it was really nice.”

“What?” This was news to me. “They never mentioned it.”

“Obviously not,” a smile pulls at her mouth and I’ve never been more relieved to see it. “They like me better than you.”

“Ouch,” If we got out of this--when we got out of this, I had questions for my mum.

“So,” she traces a crease on her trouser. “you switched jobs? Found the right fit?”

“Yeah, I did really good there. Moved up quickly. I found something I was passionate about, and it felt good. I think I was happy until...recently.”

“What happened?”

A shout from the other side of the door gives us pause, the door bursts open and I quickly move to block Y/N. But someone pushes an unconscious body into the room with their hands tied. With three bodies in here, it’s suddenly overcrowded.

“If you say one more thing to me, I will put a bullet in his fucking head...” The conversation fades out as the door slams and they walk away. Y/N rushes past me to the body and turns it face up.

“Adam,” she gasps. I walk over and her assistant lays there with a black eye and bruises forming all over his face. She unties his gag and I make sure he’s breathing.

“He’s alright, Just unconscious.” I let her know as she pulls off her jacket and piles it under his head. “He is the one who let these people into your life, you remember that?”

She glares at me, “He didn’t have a choice Harry. I spoke to him when I gave him the code--one of them’s his cousin. He said they were going to break in one way or another and if he didn’t help they would shoot him and me during the process.”

“He had plenty of time to tell you after the fact-”

“Have a little compassion,” she throws her hands up. “He didn’t ask to have a fucking criminal family. Just, let’s wait for him to wake up. He’s been through a lot.”

“So have we,” I mumble but she doesn’t acknowledge me. She moves to her wall instead, putting her hand to her head.

“Let me see,” I slide myself towards her and move her hand away from the area. I pick up the ice she abandoned on the floor and hold it to her head but she snatches it back, saying she could hold it herself, right before she pitches forward and passes out herself.

Y/N’s POV:

I wake up confused and groggy, only to see Harry’s face hovering above mine. For a second, I think that maybe I was living in a twisted Groundhog Day type of situation, forced to relive the bank heist until I resolved things with Harry. But then I notice his split lip and remember my life was that unlucky that I was in the same position twice.

“Jesus, you’re awake.” Harry lets go of my hand which he’d been holding.

“It’s actually just Y/N,” I try to crack a joke. It flies past his head, his eyebrows pinching together. He asks me if I remembered my name, where I was, and a dozen other questions even though I insist I was fine. I was laying down with my head in his lap, I realise halfway through the interrogation. But trying to get up made me dizzier so I stay. He shows me the paracetamol he found in the first aid and forces me to down two, and I only agree because my head had started pounding.

“Don’t do that to me again,” he pushes my hair back. I try not to focus on the warmth of his hand on my skin, how nice it felt. I was bloody delirious. “You have to stay awake Y/N, this is the second time you’ve hit your head I think your concussion might be more serious this time if you’re passing out--”

“Harry please,” I put my hand up to stop his rambling. “Your voice is hammering at my migraine.”

“Sorry,” he smooths down my hair again, and again, like it soothed him more than it soothed me. “I’m not used to feeling so useless like this. But there’s absolutely nothing in here that’s going to help us get out. All we can do is sit tight and wait for one of them to come back.”

“So finish your story,” I ask. “You said you were happy until recently. What happened.”

He looks at me skeptically but I insist I wanted to know. I was finally getting the full story, the closure that actually made sense. And I wanted all of it. The good, the bad, and the ugly.

“The box,” he says simply and I flinch because I know exactly what he’s talking about. “Well, seeing you and realizing-- this whole time it’s like, I’ve missed you in the peripheral y’know? And seeing you that day, forced me focus on how much I missed my...best friend. And after that, the box? I realized what I did to you...the impact of it? Maybe I was just daft this whole time for not really thinking about it but-”

“I was pregnant,” I blurt out. If I was going to die, I may as well tell him. “A few weeks before our...breakup. I found out. And I was going to tell you. I was-I was just so excited I’d bought some things prematurely. But then I lost the...baby. I’d just boxed the shite away after that. Carrying it with me...it hurt but I almost believed that I deserved it?”

I watch him swallow, from this angle I can see the muscles in his jaw clench. I reach up and my hand lands on his neck, I move it to rest on his chest where I intended. He looks down and I see the tears coat his lower lashes. I think I was half-drowsy from the pain meds but I want to cry with him, and wipe his tears. A distant part of my brain screams at me for being confused and slightly fucked up, but my medicated brain reach up to pat his face. My heart flutters when he closes his eyes and leans into my palm.

“Why didn’t you ever tell me?” He whispers.

“Would it have made a difference?” I ask, my eyes drifting shut. But he shakes me rudely and they fly open.

“Stay awake.” He insists. “And...it wouldn’t have made a difference but at least you wouldn’t be carrying it alone.”

“Well I’m not, anymore.” I yawn. “I told you, and you seen it. And m’gonna mail the box to my sister--she’s pregnant by the way. She might have better use for it.”

He eyes me, “How did that make you feel?”

“You’re not a bloody therapist,” I laugh. “Don’t ask me that.”

“I think I’d make a good therapist,” he says over-confidently.

“You’re the reason why I had a therapist,” I mumble. “You’d be an awful therapist. Your patients would need therapy from therapy.”

I laugh, it wasn’t even that funny but everything just felt ridiculous. Harry’s smiling down at me, but a loud crash from outside wipes it. His body tenses, and I watch the door.

“Sorry,” he whispers before gently moving my head off his lap and onto his jacket he’d bundled. He picks something up from beside him--the toilet seat.

“Why are you holding a toilet seat?” I whisper-shout. He puts his finger to his lips and crouches on the side of the door.

“You were passed out for a while, I had time to make a bit of a mess-”

He cuts his sentence short as the door opens and Adam’s cousin comes in swearing at Adam but before he can reach for him, Harry slams the toilet seat over the guy’s head. I watch it all sideways, my head feels too heavy to pick it up. The man crumples on top of Adam, and Harry expertly searches him, picking his gun off of him.

From outside, the woman’s voice come closer.

“What’s taking so long? The car’s outside just grab your stupid cousin let’s go! The cops will be here any min-”

She freezes when she comes face to face with the gun in Harry’s hand. She reaches for hers and in half a second, Harry’s fired his gun into her arm. She lets out a shout and falls to the floor. Harry kicks the gun out of her hand and pulls her inside, blood trailing in her wake. He uses the jacket under Adam’s head to tie her arms and comes back to me.

“Y/N, let’s go. I hear sirens.” Harry bends down and gently lifts me up. I feel like a ragdoll in his arms but I manage to prop myself enough to walk beside him. He closes the door behind him and checks the handle that it was locked.

He helps me down onto a chair, the brightness of the lobby nearly blinds me, my migraine tearing my skull apart. I think I throw up on the floor, I felt entirely out of it. I keep my eyes closed, but I hear Harry letting in some people, and I feel arms putting me on a stretcher, taking me out into the cool air. The fresh air smelled incredible, and that’s the last thought I have before I pass out.

***H’s POV:

It was a crazy 24 hours.

Right before I’d been shoved into a 7′ by 5′ restroom, my team at the station had received the warrant for the credit card. That was the call I received that put me in the tiny room with Y/N. When I didn’t pick up, Detective Cole had taken the lead in tracing it. The credit card belonged to Adam’s cousin and they eventually traced him to Adam. That was the smoking gun for them, they tried me a few times. Finally, tracking my car to outside the bank. Suspicious, they sent out a few uniforms here and when they noticed my car sitting empty, and no guard at the entrance, they called for backup.

I’d debriefed, spoken and written out in detail, what happened. They’d taken pictures, handcuffed everyone in the bathroom, and I’d watched triumphantly as they walked the criminals out. Two had escaped after hearing the sirens, but at least two would be put away.

I drink my third coffee at the station now, when my supervisor finally comes in to talk to me. Tells me I could go home, finally. To get rest--the paramedics had checked me out and I was okay considering what just happened.

But instead of going home, I drive straight to the hospital where Y/N lay like a shell of herself. A tall bloke in a perfectly pressed suits stands above her, brushing her cheek. I watch as she reaches up and holds his hand, I watch him pull her hand up and kiss it. Then he leans down and kisses her bandaged forehead.

My stomach is in knots; I can’t look away. It was the same person who left her flat just this morning--god, this morning felt like years ago. It must be her boyfriend, but she didn’t mention she was seeing someone. Maybe it was casual, I think. But casual wouldn’t come to hospital like this, caress her like that.

The obvious was that I was lucky just to have a glimpse of her in my life again, long enough to clear the air between us. But I couldn’t hold on to her, when I let go so many years ago, I’d lost my grip entirely. And now she was out of my grasp.

I knock gently on the door, Y/N’s boyfriend (?) looks up.

“Sorry, the doctor doesn’t want anyone taking her statement right now-”

“I’m not-” I unclip my badge to show that I wasn’t there for my job. At the same time Y/N rests her hand on his arm.

“Alec,” she says in a hoarse voice. “It’s alright, that’s Harry.”

“Oh,” I can read everything in the two-letter word and the look he gives me. He seems to swallow what he really wanted to say and comes up to me to shake my hand instead. “Thanks, for helping Y/N tonight.”

“I didn’t do anything,” I grasp his hand, he had a strong handshake. Which was a stupid thing to think about I realise, as my eyes land on Y/N. She’s looking at him with a purity in her eyes that she used to look at me with. Something inside of me falls away, it feels raw and dark. I remove my hand from his, “Y/N’s a strong woman.”

“She is,” he looks at her with the same look she gives him. I felt like I should go, like I was interrupting them. But Y/N asks him to give us some space. He happily obliges, like I wasn’t even a threat to him. With what Y/N told him, everything she knew to be the truth before tonight, I didn’t blame him.

“Hi,” she says, she clears her throat, watching me watching her.

“How are you feeling?” I brush her hair back from the bandage on her head.

“Like there’s a rock concert in my head,” she jokes. “Except it’s mostly screaming.”

“Kind of like that one party we went to in uni,” I remind her.

“I thought the party’s theme was emo,” a laugh bursts out of her.

“It was screamo,” I laugh with her. “My ears were bleeding the next morning.”

“You crashed in my bed that night,” she remembers, her voice soft as the nostalgia washes over us. I take her hand in mine and brush my thumb over her knuckles. How times changed.

“You know, my girlfriend broke up with me that day when she found out I shared a bed with another girl.”

“Really?” She laughs again, twice in one conversation with me. She must be high on meds, or finally letting me in again. “You never told me that.”

“I never told you much about the girls I dated,” I say truthfully. “A lot of them dumped me after seeing how close we were. There was always that ultimatum: you or them.”

“Hm,” she hums. “I guess you chose me until you didn’t.”

We lock eyes and I open my mouth--to apologise? To explain something? But she waves her hand. “It’s a habit, I’ve got to get all the one-liners I’ve kept pent up out. I’ll be done eventually, don’t worry.”

“I look forward to that day,” I drum my fingers against the bed. “In the meantime...Alec?”

“Oh,” her face flushes as she looks out the door to where he stands on his phone. “Yeah. He’s been...really good, he came over as soon as he heard.”

“How long?” It was torture for me but it was like I needed to know.

“A few months, on and off again. I think I’ve just been keeping him at arm’s length because...well...”

“Us,” Once again, I’m reminded that I could never fully grasp the enormity of the damage I’d done. “He seems like a smart chap--he’s here for you after all.”

“That would make you a smart chap too,” she says which brings my attention back to her cheeky smile. “If you want to compliment yourself, you don’t have to do it in such a roundabout way.”

I laugh, she was good. She grins back at me and my breath catches, this feeling in my chest made me feel like I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe deeply enough, the old fear of being unhappy had been creeping up on me ever since I got here and saw Alec with Y/N. Now it drapes over my shoulders like a heavy coat.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asks.

“Nothing,” I sit on the edge of the bed. “Just thinking about everything that happened. And what we talked about.”

“I’m glad that we...” she picks at the thin blanket covering her body. “I feel like I have some closure now?”

“I wish I knew...what you thought this whole time. The baby and...everything.”

“I’ve got a long way to go but,” Y/N rubs my arm. “Let’s just agree to leave all the heavy stuff behind. And live our lives to the fullest. Almost dying in a men’s room has really given me perspective. We both deserve to be happy.”

“You should write a book,” I joke. “It would sell.”

“We can co-write it.”

“We’ll title it Bad Timing,” I say. “A memoir of two people, right place, wrong time.”

“That’s good!” She grasps my arm. “And you could write the whole thing and just give me credit.”

“I’m okay with that,” I would do anything for her.

“You’re the writer after all,” she smiles and it strikes me again, how deeply she knew me. I don’t know if anyone would ever know me the way she does. “Do you still write?”

“Not really,” I didn’t at all.

“I was remembering the other day how you used to leave post-its all over my room-”

“I remember that,” I remind her of a few of my famous ones including one I stuck on her back that said kiss me. She scolds me for that and I pretend to be sorry but she knows I’m not.

“I am sorry,” I say, resting my hand on her arm and she understands I’m not talking about the prank.

“I know,” she looks away, out the door to Alec.

“So I should go, maybe I’ll be the one to take your statement? Tomorrow--or I’ll have my best officer come in here for it.”

“You should take a day off,” she says. “We almost died today.”

“You’re one to talk,” I say. “And we were not going to die today. You’re so dramatic.” I flick her knee and she flinches.

“Ouch,” she milks her current position in the hospital bed, rubbing the spot on her knee.

“Did that hurt? I don’t remember any knee injuries in your file.” I lean down over her and pat it extra hard.

“You’re evil,” she grins but for a small second her eyes flicker down to my lips, and when they meet mine again they look uncertain.

“Alright. Rest up. I’ll see you...later.” I lean down, my lips ghost her cheek, and I hear her sigh. “Goodbye Y/N,” I say, and somewhere it feels final. I don’t dare look at her when I stand up. I walk out of the room, and out of her life.

I think back to the one other time I saw her before the bank robbery. It was outside a grocer, and she’d told me to never talk to her again. I was glad the universe or whatever hadn’t listened, that our lives had crashed into each other even though that meant that in the end she was left in hospital and I was left unhappy again, realizing what I was missing in life. But for a brief moment, in the grand expanse of this universe, we orbited each other again.

As I nod at Alec on the way out. I stand to the side as he walks back in. I hear him comforting her, and I hear her tell him she had to talk in a low voice. I leave then, with every intention to leave her alone. She deserved this happiness she was finally finding as she put our past to rest, she didn’t need uncertainty. As for myself, it felt like it was my burden to bear now; Y/N and I just had bad timing, it felt like, but I just wanted her to be happy. So I let her be; I let go.

[ohnobjyx]

What are some of the biggest moments/clues/hints that bjyx have something going on?

Part 1

Hi, anon! I have three asks from different anons with related questions, and I think it’s something many are curious about, so let’s get into it! I’m going to make this into a three-post series, with the next two answers linked to this one. I think they are all necessary to get the full picture.

Links:

Part 2 here

Part 3 here

It’s gonna get long (and I’m just starting), so sit tight and get a cup of coffee. Nothing to see under the cut unless b/jyxszd.

Disclaimer: everything is fake fake fake, don’t take it seriously.

Wow. Where to start? There are many things in the bxg group that are going to be counted as “moments” (or candies), but here are the ones I believe the most. Of course, other bxg will offer other “hints” but these are all quite acepted in the fandom from my point of view.

Asking for “the biggest” is quite subjected to personal interpretation, since there’s no regulated consensus of which moments are true and which are not. That’s why I can offer what I think it’s widely accepted among bxg and that, of course, I think are “true”.

1) Interviews + bts videos

In almost any interview, since they started filming CQL, be it solo interviews or interviews they both participated in, you’ll be able to find “candies”. These of course, are much more subjected to personal interpretation and your views on their relationship.

To me, the interviews show that they are much closer to each other (even when they were just filming cql!) than they are to other people. They also gave a strong deja vu, but that’s for a following post.

Some of the best moments from their interviews:

In a solo interview (160 minute special, from 30:08-46:37, here with eng subs), in questions completely unrelated to dd, gg brought up dd in his answers at least six times (I think I lost count somewhere in the middle). If you compare them, when gg is asked about dd or prompted to add more details to his answer about dd, he’d end up rambling on and on, whereas in other questions he’s more concise. In his 16-minute interview, more than half the time (questions actually related to dd + questions unrelated to dd) gg is talking about dd.

There are several instances where both, when asked about “the most beautiful/handsome/looks good in costumes” person of the cast, they answered with lightning speed the name of the other.

“Wear kneepads”. The 9 minute boat video is also a treasure. Candies aside, I think it’s quite telling that they can have a conversation about everything and anything without stopping (especially dd, who was known for only talking about his interests). About the “wear kneepads” phrase, I talked in this post about how Chinese people express their love “differently” (love is love). It doesn’t imply romantic love per se, but... gg cares.

In the sina interview (190714, here with eng subs): they lied so much in this interview that even when I was just watching this interview for the first time I thought their answers were strange.

“Is she clingy?”, dd asks. “She’s not, you are”, gg mumbles (but it has been picked up by the mic). Dd’s face goes blank, but then he brokes into a small smile and says “I am...” (here the post with the video).

There’s a moment in an interview however, that belongs to a whole another category that’s the second greatest hint for me:

2) The “you have a bf” moment

For those who don’t know what happened: in an interview from one of their fanmeetings, the interviewer asked about one of gg’s old phrases (”if I enter in a relationship now, I’ll lose my job”). However, he didn’t remember it and both react very strongly to it. Here is a post with an analysis and a link to the video.

3) The informality

This is a pretty tricky one... but once you watch a few videos of gg with dd and gg with other people, it becames apparent very quickly. They’re so comfortable with each other that hitting and swearing (”are you sick/insane?”) is never taken with offense. 

I think there’s an analysis somewhere, about gg and dd hitting each other. Gg hits, but with no real force behind them, and dd either hit him with his long sleeves (when filming) or with great force and speed, but not landing the blows. The few times he actually hit gg by accident, he always apologized profusely, pouring over gg (”where have I hit?”). It left no room to mistake about the good nature of their teasing and hitting.

4) The necklace

There are rivers of ink written about this one. I’ll leave a link to the best analysis I’ve seen here (both the OP and the response make a lot of sense to me).

In summary: mtjj and cp fans started to argue about the origins of the necklace. The company stated that dd had bought the necklace himself (this is the version most of the solo fans believe), but of course cp fans wouldn’t be appeased with such a weak denial, so mtjj started to say that dd should either stop wearing it or explain how he got the necklace.

It’s curious how dd escaped this situation by choosing a third option: he wears it hidden under his clothes. He wears it almost every time he appears anywhere. He even wears it to the sea.

So he can’t explain where the necklace came from, but he won’t stop wearing it either. That, at the very least, points to a romantic gift (from my point of view).

Once you start seeing the necklace, you can’t unsee it. The picture on the left is an older one, when he still wore the necklace openly, but he was still wearing the necklace in a recent photo (yes, both gg and dd has been nominated to the TOP 100 most handsome faces of 2020).

5) The kadian

I was introduced to this concept in tumblr, to be honest. I didn’t pay much attention to it, but when you see a bulk of posts next to each other... there’s a reasonable limit to these kind of things being coincidental.

But then, dd’s post on the 200529, the one about the smile with the colgate ad... that was very much on purpose. And his post on the 200521. Or gg’s posts in recent June: 200605 13:28 and 200612 13:45.

I have an ask about kadian sitting in my inbox, I’ll explain it in more detail in that one.

6) The clothes

Again, I thought at first that this was a coincidence. But then, there’s a limit for coincidences. They have a lot of clothes they either plan to buy the same one in different colours or it’s just the 23rd coincidence that with all of the clothes available in the world, they chose the same one in different colours or just plainly the same. (Here’s a good post with a compilation).

Another fact that convinced me is that many of them are “private” clothes they own, not clothes that stylists choose for them (in which case it’s most likely to be a coincidence, I don’t think they choose the clothes for a photoshoot, for instance). For example, the two sets down below were from photoshoots, so I think they were coincidences.

Going back to clothes they do share, it’s also the fact that gg wouldn’t have access or interest in certain brands and clothes, unless someone with certain interests recommended them to him or got them for him. So coincidental (again) that the only person around him like that is dd.

Or the fact that if one of them is wearing a certain piece the other has worn before (ie the coat), the other one doesn’t appear with it again. Moreover, the coat (left pictures) has been confirmed by the fans to be the same one. They asked the brand about it, and both gg and dd are wearing the same one (since it was discontinued) unless gg bought it 2 years ago and has just decided to wear it (unlikely).

Or the fact that when they appear with the same shirt/trousers, they fit them differently. Trousers are longer on dd, and the line for the shoulders are lower on gg.

Or the fact that sometimes they each wear the upper piece or the trousers of a set respectively (left). Another coincidence, I’m sure.

(Credit of the pictures in the picture).

7) Gg’s songs and his drawings

Gg hides it better, but he still has this kind of gestures. He never fails to remember the lyrics (I don’t know whether you’ve noticed, but at the far back of every stage there’s a gigantic screen displaying the lyrics), but if he does “mix them up” it’s just another coincidence that it can get interpreted as a message for dd.

And last, but not least, we have this drawing:

Gg drew this in a program last year. It’s his “ideal life”. So, let’s see what’s in it:

Gg is the figure on the left, with his cat at his feet.

For someone who doesn’t know how to ride a bike, he included one at the right. Curiously, if you observe the shadow it leaves on the sand, the shadow doesn’t match the bike, resembling a motorbike instead.

So, why is a motorbike in his ideal life? It’s maybe related to the person who approaches from the other end of the beach? Does it look familiar?

He could have drawn a clear, tranquil sea. But instead, there are quite a few waves, which resemble greatly something bxg see written quite often (the last one is the first radical that forms the “bo” character in dd’s name).

So many coincidences in this post.

[planesofduality]

Full Transcript edition:

“The Story Behind Solas with Dragon Age Lead Writer Patrick Weekes” by Dialogue Wheel/Video Game Sophistry

Reblog of one of my first posts ever. I didn’t understand how tumblr worked back then really, and long story short, I split the transcript of this interview  into 3 parts :) I’d probably do things differently now. Reblogging it as a single transcript for my own convenience, as I still refer to some of the things Weekes said here from time to time!

Interview is from before Trespasser DLC; posted to YouTube 12/20/2019 

Note: pseudo-reblog

“Interview with lead writer for Dragon Age Patrick Weekes years ago about how the enigmatic character Solas was created, here is what that magic elf could have up his sleeve for us in Dragon Age 4.” Not my interview, just wrote transcript of questions and answers for reference. 

Full video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aFx1nCdZFjw&t=1s

Time: 2:54

Solas, tell us about little old Solas. Talking about your other characters you created we always start at the beginning. Pen to paper - How did the idea of Solas first start? What was that first iteration?

So actually Dave and Mike both, you know, we - everyone knew who Solas was - everyone knew what the ending was going to be with him. And, you know, Dave and Mike said, “Well Dave is writing a ton of the crit path, the main part of the game. Dave really wants to do Dorian, that’s very important to him, and are you comfortable writing this guy? Are you comfortable writing someone who is going to be, in some respects, deceiving the Inquisitor for the entirety of the game?” And, honestly, how do you turn that down?

Time: 4:02

So really it was that simple then - from there, in the way you described it, they already had some ideas and some concepts about what Solas needed to bring?

Oh, yeah. Originally, one of the most difficult parts of writing him - and, you know, I said Iron Bull was the one closest to how I originally planned him - Solas and Cole are probably tied for least like how I originally wrote them. And, really, it was getting past the secret. It was getting past Fen’Harel.

Iron Bull: badass former spy, the opposite of Sten.

Blackwall: awesome Grey Warden who is not actually a Grey Warden.

Solas: He’s Fen’Harel…

Okay, can he tell you he’s Fen’Harel? No.

Okay, well what are we going to talk about?

[Pretending to be Solas:] “Hey Inquisitor, I’m still not Fen’Harel, do you have any questions?”,  “I will not take any questions about whether I am Fen’Harel.” That was the big stumbling block of writing him.

I remember the first draft… the first draft all we talked about was elves. It was elves all the time. Every conversation went “Elves, elves… Elves were awesome back in the old days.. Everything was great with the elves.” And then you’d go, “You really like elves huh?” “No, shut up - I’m not Fen’Harel.” And we all kind of looked at that and went, that’s not really much of a character hook. You cannot have a character hook built on something that you only reveal after the play has watched the credits. That is how we got to Fade expert. That is something where, if something had gone terribly wrong, if we were six months from shipped and we decided not to do anything with elves in the future, we could have taken the Dread Wolf out of the equation entirely and a mage named Solas who loves the Fade, is an apostate but without all of the fear and anger that you think of when you think of an apostate, but is just this guy who wants to travel through dreams and find mysteries and explore… that was a good enough character to stand by itself. That is what it took us a couple of drafts to get to.

Time: 7:04

You mentioned the first two phases of Solas - share with us a little more of that journey, when you finally go to this character that could stand on its own. If you don’t mind, a little more of that journey- was it just those first two and now everything’s cool?

First draft was “ ‘Elves, elves’ but ‘I don’t like elves’”. Second draft was about how much to tell. I think in the next draft it was significantly closer. Anyone who looked at that draft - and, you know, I apologize to anyone who looked at that draft - but, anyone who looked at that draft you would find places where “Oh okay that’s the Solas I know and love. There he is. He likes the Fade.” That’s something that’s actually interesting. But, he lied a lot more. And it actually really weakened his character. We played it so close with both Blackwall and Solas - both characters are the liars who don’t actually lie. They will tell you almost truths. With Blackwall - he never actually flat-out says “I am a Grey Warden.” If you ask him what it’s like being a Grey Warden he will say "Well  a warden embodies this and a warden embodies that… I’ve been blessed in my travels.” You know, he never actually quite says “I’m a Warden.” With Solas it’s the same way with the hand wave of ‘in the Fade’. I would start putting ‘in the Fade’ at the end of a lot of sentences.  “Yeah turns out that all of the stuff you thought was true in history was wrong… because I saw it…. in the Fade.”

In revision 2, he lied a lot more. On the one hand it worked, on the other hand it made him less tragic, more of jerk when we got to the reveal. So that is how we got to what we made him into: this character who is intelligent, wise… Solas will think very carefully before he tells you anything and anything he tells you is exactly as much as he wants you to know. That actually led to one of the funny little game moments - one of the last things we do is add the places where characters will approve or disapprove. I think what I want Solas to approve us is you actually asking questions . He’s kind of unique in that regard -  What Solas approves us is people who are interested in finding out knowledge. Whether they are finding it out from him or they’re talking with other people, Solas wants people to explore, he wants people to find information, he wants people to learn. What he disapproves of, honestly, more than what you do, is in many ways how you do it. You can do the thing that he wants you to do, but if you do it in a knee-jerk way, Solas hates that. He wants to know that you are carefully considering your options and taking a measured approach.

Time: 12:16

When it comes the characterization of a character that you’ve already been give at least some sort of name to. We know that this character is some sort of trickster god - when you were trying to develop and make him some a stand-alone character, did you ever have to rely on what the mythos already established of this particular kind of eighth-seat god that maybe a lot people hadn’t heard a lot about?

Well, I think, like we talked about before, one of the great things about the Dragon Age universe is everything that you learn in a codex entry is something that someone else heard in a story and wrote it down somewhere and you’re reading half of the book. So the good news on that is anything we wanted to do with Fen’Harel, there was so little and what was in there was already so sketchy that we had all the freedom we needed to play with him.

That turned out to be a nice thing because I think if we had someone that was completely by-the-books, already established, their character already given, it would feel like more of a letdown to write that as a character or you would have to play against type, you’d have to do something completely different to show he wasn’t just what the stories wrote about him. And, you know, in some ways that is both liberating but also disappointing to people who might have liked  the original stories. This was a fun experience of getting to fill in some of the gaps.

The only thing I think we had to struggle against is that anyone who hears “trickster” or anyone who hears “oh, he’s chaotic and unpredictable” it feels like there is a natural urge to go to “He’s Loki in the Avengers. He’s the guy who’s gonna make large grand-standing plans.” Or, you know, “He’s the Riddler, who’s gonna leave clues to test you.” We had to get away from that: “Let’s tone that back a little bit, let’s not have him be the Jack Nicholson Joker version of the Dread Wolf.”

That’s quite a quote.

You got Dorian as a large, grandiose , extravagant figure and it would have been easy to have him go that way. It was fortunate that we had Dorian as the mage who had the larger-than-life persona already to make Solas be the quiet one.

Time: 15:21

Was there ever an instance where you were really pushed with giving some indicators to the player that Solas may have some connection to this going through the gameplay? Because you do see a lot statues of Fen’Harel. There’s many instances of where you’re discussing it, you’re traveling through those lands. Where do you walk that line, how do you walk that line, or do you just completely disregard it whatsoever?

The goal we had is we wanted the very careful players, the very sensitive players, who were playing attention and watching every scene with Solas to know that something was up and to want more answers and then go to “OH MAN” as soon as the stinger after the credits rolled. But we wanted most players to just go “Oh, okay, he’s like ‘Fade nerd.’ He’s like ‘hippie guy.’”

The other thing we wanted was everyone on their second playthrough, as soon as they talked to Solas to be like “Oh, man, he’s just saying it. He just flat-out said it right there and I missed it completely the first time!” I think we called it the “inevitable in retrospect”- or the “slap the forehead on the second playthrough” style of writing, where we wanted people to see that the most interesting thing about the trickster god is he’s not actually that great of a liar - He is almost telling you a lot of the time. And, you know, some of the tragedy is it that you never had the chance to actually ask, “Wait -are you Fen’harel?”

Time: 17:13

We talked about leaving breadcrumbs, what that meant. Now the big turn, the big scene at the ending:  How did this come about, were you really involved in that sort of process and are you happy with it?

Oh, I’m absolutely happy with it. It went through several iterations,. Mike was hugely involved. The writing was definitely done by Dave; it was a huge crit path moment. He had me give a look at the Solas voice, I think I looked at it, I don’t think I actually changed a single word in the final one.

We had versions where after the main plot it was actually going to be a full plot where you the player went and were actually present when Solas confronts Mythal. We had a part where we said, “Wow that’s too big, a lot of players are gonna miss that, we’ll make it a DLC.” So it was gonna be a separate DLC where that happened. At one point we said “No, this is too big, we actually - let’s cut it and address it next game.” So it was going to be this thing that we pushed off into some future content.

I am really happy with what we went with, because, I think, you know, for my money, that short, little Marvel-style, after-the-credits stinger is what we needed. We needed something so that everyone who was paying attention and everyone who was really invested could go “oh my god!” And go, “Okay, so, just in case you were wondering, we’re not done, we have more stories to tell, and we are confident enough in what we are doing that we are willing to throw that ball.” That stinger is essentially us throwing a football to future us, trusting that we are going to catch it. Because, you know, at the end, we had that level of confidence. We felt that we had that level of confidence, we felt we made a really good game. Dave led an amazing team of writers, and I’m really touched that he has the confidence to believe that I’ll be able to carry that on for him.

Time: 19:49

When we spoke to Dave, one of the big moments that he mentioned, was when he created kind of a long-term idea for what’s going to happen in the Dragon Age universe. And to hear him say it, he mentioned that what he originally wanted for Dragon Age: Inquisition couldn’t happen - it was far too big - it wouldn’t work. And you guys had talked about  taking that concept, finishing Inquisition somewhere in the middle of that concept arc, and then using at least an influence or something like that to affect the franchise going forward.  Speaking with you now, as someone who has taken up the reins, do you know what I’m talking about? Am I talking crazy? Where do you see it going?

Um…

Reasonably - of what you can say on this.

So here’s the last scene of the next game… (laughs). I think there’s an extent to which no plan really survives contact with the audience when it comes to video games. We look at how fans react, we look at what hit, what rang true with everyone. You know, it’s funny, having people react angrily actually isn’t as bad as having people ignore things sometimes. Having people react angrily  means they were definitely emotionally engaged, so you know you hit something there. Whereas having fans go, “I don’t know, fine, I guess, whatever” and move on means, “Okay, I don’t know if that’s what we want to go back to. We didn’t actually get anything from them there, they didn’t actually remember that later.” So that’s a phase that comes after every game we ship. We look at what hit, what missed, and where we want to go from there.

Now that said, Dave’s future plan is, I think, fantastic, epic, and heartbreaking. Our plan is to use that as our starting point. To look at where we want to go, what we want to do, and it will not be - and I, you know, Dave and I have talked about this - it will not be the story that Dave would tell if he were still here as lead writer. Because it could never be that. We can get into that when we talk about Cole a little bit, but if I tried to do that I would just be doing a bad impersonation of Dave Gaider and no one is ever going to be as good at that as Dave is. My goal going forward is to, as lead, put my own spin on that process, put my own spin on the plots going forward, on the thematic elements, while keeping those same thematic elements that we had. Because, I think, what Dave has set in motion in three games, countless DLCs and expansions, is something that can endure: The idea that no choice is ever really that easy and that the great events always stem from human-understandable motivations.

So, that is where I think where we are going to go, as vaguely as I can say.

Time: 23:30

Speaking of specifically to Solas: His continuation of the story. Adding that little “Marvel moment” at the end - what do you think that did for the crit path and the overall arc of the story that players experienced in Dragon Age: Inquisition. Do you think they would have been more satisfied if there was  a DLC or is that just us gamers complaining because we can’t get everything we want right away?

Well, I think you want to leave people wanting more. “Man I wish you guys had done more” is a better problem to have than “Man I wish you guys had done less.” So, I think, looking at it from inside the studio, we didn’t have the resources to do much more than we did. So it was never going to be the big moment right then anyway. From my perspective, the reason I’m really happy we have it is, like I said, I thought it was a vote of confidence. The team is still the Dragon Age team and it is still the writers and designers who did everything else, who made such wonderful characters and were responsible for such fantastic plots.

Time 25:10

Well, again, looking at that in its completion, it’s good to see that even a character that needed to give you a stinger in your estimation didn’t take away, I guess, from the overall story you were trying to tell.

Well, thank you. Yeah it was obviously the moment we were building toward, but again, the goal was even if we didn’t have that stringer, he was still an interesting enough character that people would have not felt cheated that he was in the party.

Time: 25:35

One of the most beautiful scenes I think in Dragon Age Inquisition is the scene that you get with Solas if you play as a female elf Inquisitor. Talk a little bit about that choice to have this romance option very, very specific. It’s race- and gender- specific. Why that scene - what that scene meant and a lot of the subtext, because it is a very rich sequence of scenes, not just one. And, I think it’s really one of the most interesting romances in the game.

I love that scene because that scene for me shows how far we’ve gone past - not the make myself irrelevant anymore - but how far we’ve gone with the digital acting. Jonathan Epp the cine-designer for that scene put it together and when you take everything that Gareth David Lloyd - the voice actor - everything he did on his lines. And just putting so much tragedy, and making it clear in every line that he wants to say more than he can. And with Jon Epp the cine-designer, just in the wordless scenes: showing the tragedy, showing the heartbreak, showing how much he does genuinely care against his better judgement, and how he finally forces himself to step away.,

You know how I said when we were talking about the Iron Bull - everything, every major moment we do, is there for a specific type of player fantasy fulfillment. And you know, not all types of fantasies are the happy ones. There’s a reason why The Phantom of the Opera was on Broadway for so many years and it’s not because it has a happy ending.

The Phantom of the Opera isn’t exactly the theme for the romance -  the razor was something closer to almost professor and student in some ways. He definitely comes across as a mentor in some ways. When he finally steps back it is him beating himself up, not you, saying “Wow what I have done here is actually really unfair to you, and you, player, at the time don’t know that I’m beating myself up because I’m actually  1000s of years old and not the person you think I am and it’s disrespectful to you for me to continue this relationship.” So it’s a very moral perspective for our ancient, quasi-evil, trickster god to come with.

Time: 28:41

And it’s amazing because it’s another instance of content that so few players would actually get an opportunity to see. When it comes to making it that specific, I guess, why was that choice made? Because usually a lot of your content - most of the Dragon Age content - it’s very easy to get really rich, wonderful characters right in your face and have those wonderful “eat-em-up” experiences, why for this one was it such a steep price to get in?

You know, I won’t lie, a lot of it came from some of our designers. Some of the women in the design department really, really loving his voice and saying, “You are absolutely fools if you do not make him romance-able in some capacity.” And, really, his story overall is - and, you know, I think we’ve only hinted at that but I think we have hinted at it enough that I can at least say this part of it - his story isn’t a happy one. His story is one, where, if you look at him and Mythal, there is clearly some grief, there is clearly some tragedy. And, adding in the option - even for players who don’t take it - on my end as a writer,  knowing that some players will have this as a star-crossed, forbidden romance, you know, it makes him more sympathetic. It’s important to me as a writer because when you’re writing about someone who, according to Flemeth, is at least somewhat responsible for the bad guy getting the magical item that he used to blow up half a mountain in the prologue, it’s important to have something in there that you can always have, as a writer, look at as your touchstone and go “This is a real person. This is someone who experiences sadness. This is someone who falls in love.” Even if he doesn’t do it with that Inquisitor on that playthrough, this is always someone who can be like that.

Time: 30:58

Where do you see a character like Solas ending up?

(Big sigh) Musical theater.

(laughs) Right when we reach those beautiful moments, Patrick!

I think that it is fantastic that people have emotionally engaged with Solas and I hope we get a chance to explore that in some future content.

Alright and that’s the most that we’re getting right now.

Time: 31:37

Oh, and here’s a little tie in: Here Lies the Abyss, the demon that spoke to Solas - what was all that about, what was that going on?

Oh yes - the demon who speaks perfect Elven!

Yes perfectly to him, and if you remember any of that - did you have anything to do with that?

Yes, Here Lies the Abyss was mine. It was a fun plot. It was a terrifyingly difficult plot, because - I’m not sure how clear this is to players that have one done one playthrough or with one import state - but your key characters throughout the events at Adamant Fortress and then the events of the Fade, it’s a customizable Hawke. Which means it could be a male Hawke or a female Hawke and within that, Hawke from Dragon Age 2 is characterized by one of three different attitudes: friendly, grim, or sarcastic. So, that’s three attitudes times two genders, that’s six different Hawkes and three different possible Grey Wardens: Alistair, Loghain, or Stroud.  So, the process of going through Adamant Fortress and then going through the Fade was a crazy juggling act of trying to keep track of “Okay, now one of these five people, these five Schrodinger’s cat quantum people, will say this line, and then another of these five Schrodinger’s cat quantum people will respond with this line.”

It’s important to remember that as we went through everything in Adamant Fortress and the Fade was taking place in that contest. There was a long period time when we were looking at that really going, “Okay, I just have to hope this actually makes sense when it’s nothing but Alistair and my sarcastic female Hawke.”

But, to actually answer your question. As I recall, the Nightmare, who as a friendly, chipper guy was basically - I do basically two types of villains: I do the villain who thinks he or she is the hero, and is misguided and has opposed goals, and is kind of tragic and tortured in that way. And then I do the mean-girl villain who says snotty high school insults.

That’s it - that’s the gambit.

Well, just about, yes. I’m looking forward to see who writes the villain in the future Dragon Age games - so get ready for either tragic pathos or really, really good high school mean-girl zingers.

As I recall, he was speaking Elven to Solas and if I remember right, he said, “Your pride is responsible for everything that has gone wrong” and I think he said “You will die alone.” And then Solas said something that translates to either “Nothing is known for certain” or “Not necessarily.”

And what does all that mean?

Well I think it’s fascinating that people are emotionally engaged, and I hope we have the chance -

It was a very asked question - it was a question that was asked a lot. Specific to that.

Oh, I’m not surprised, and I hope one day that we can tell you. But, obviously, that demon knows that Solas is hurting and Solas feels guilty about some stuff and really wanted to dig in there, and Solas was shouting back.

Literally just describing what happened (laughs). All right, so something that will clearly be talked about in other games.

TIme: 36:22

Dealing with this particular quest I really think that this was one opportunity to involve the Grey Wardens in a story, and a world, that kind of progressingly, after the first game had less and less of a need to exist - let alone in the world - but in the main characters arc. Talking to David I remember initially there was some idea for this particular mission they would just fall into the hole and be hanging out in the Deep Roads, and having out with the dwarves, so tell us a little bit about this creation.

A lot of the process of writing these large plots, like I talked about the razor, you figure out what the core concept is, you always start with a lot of things, and in most cases what you then end up having to do is cut. And if you’re not someone in the studio, talking about having to cut things sounds like you’re losing awesome content, you’re ruining what would have been clearly the best part of the plot. Inside the studio though, most cases what you’re cutting is the stuff that didn’t actually help tell the story you wanted to tell.

So yes in the original version, in a very early draft, actually this was before I was actually on the plot - this predates me - there was, yes, going into the Deep Roads, and when you fell in instead of ending up in the Fade you ended up down in the dark. And finding out what the Grey Wardens in this version of the story had been involved with the Architect from Dragon Age: Awakening. It was an interesting direction, and it was, I think, a very cool direction, but it did not help tell the story of the Inquisition. It was more a story of “Hey, if we wanted to do more with the Hero of Fereldan, here is an interesting place we could go” and it did not help tell the story of “What is the Inquisition doing?” “What is Corypheus doing?”, “How do these two organizations bounce off each other and who’s caught in the middle?” So trying to come to terms with the Grey Wardens in this game not being the protagonists, not being the group that is in the center of the action but being the group that is caught in the middle of this power struggle was something that led to us having to eventually do the re-jiggering that got us to the plot you saw.

[ka-za-ri]

Personal Assistant pt. 1

Hi. I’m in complete and utter Obey Me! Hell Enjoy some Lucifer x MC smut shamelessly put into a modern day CEO!Lucifer AU. Many parts to come. I’m completely covered in filth and thirst. Unbeta’d because we die like heroes here. Let me go back to being a gremlin now.

Paring: Lucifer x MC Wordcount: 5,000 ish Genre: Shameless, filthy smut Tags: Multiple Orgasms, sex on a desk, Finger fucking, overstimulation

Part 2: here Part 3: here Part 4: here Part 5: Here Part 6: Here Part 7: Here Also found on Ao3: Here

Lucifer has been sent to the human realm to study them and acclimate to and learn about their behaviors. By some miracle, you landed a job interview with his illustrious company as his personal assistant. A lot of extra work not listed on the job posting is required of you, to say the least.

Part 1: Interview

Adapting to the human world wasn’t hard. Humans were after all, predictable little things, easily swayed by their desires, it didn't take much effort at all to make them bend to his will. Lucifer’s time thus far ‘learning’ about the human realm had netted him a sizable company under his control. It wasn’t long before he became bored of that. Being a CEO of Akuzon meant many things. One being that he was always busy and needed some help around his office. Previous attempts at having a personal assistant failed him as they never satisfied his needs and kept up with the workload.

Somehow, you found yourself looking at the ad in the paper and hastily applying to the job It seemed too good to be true. It paid well, was for a reputable company, was close to home, and you fit the criteria listed. It was a shot in the dark, you knew there must be hundreds of others clamoring for the position as well. However, much to your surprise only a couple of weeks passed when you received an email requesting your presence for an interview.

The office building was massive, fitting right in with the many sky scrapers of the city. After putting on the best interview clothes you had and making your makeup was on point, you had thought you were ready for anything. Seeing the building and stepping inside it’s grand spaces had you faltering for a moment, a shiver of nervousness running down your spine. Almost everyone in the vicinity stopped what they were doing to see who it was at their front door. The nervousness increased as their gazes bored down into you, making you think you had gotten the wrong building.

“Are you here for an interview?” A young lady at the front desk asked cheerfully, noticing how lost you seemed.

“Ah! Yes! I am! For the position of Lucifer’s secretary.” You explained, relieved that there were some helpful people there.

The lady raised an eyebrow, surprised that someone so green would be chosen for such a high ranking position, but didn’t press the issue any further. Dialing a few numbers into the phone at her desk, she made a quick call. “Yes, she’s here… I’ll bring her right up.” She looked up at you, a sweet smile on her face and got up to guide you to the elevators on the other side of the floor. “He’ll be ready to see you once you get to his floor.”

“His floor?”

“Yes. His office is one of the top floors of the building. As his secretary, you’ll be responsible for taking care of it as well as any other duties he asks of you.” She explained. “You’re so lucky… I applied for that position ages ago, but couldn’t pass the interview phase. I hope you fare better than me.”

“I hope so too…” You agreed, hoping to hide the shaking in your voice.

The trip to the top floor seemed to stretch forever. The light music in the background did little to soothe your anxiety as you watched the numbers climb higher and higher until they stopped at 60 and the doors slid smoothly open after a soft chime.

“Well, this is where I leave you. He’s right beyond those doors.” The lady gave you a small reassuring push forward and before you could have any second thoughts, the doors closed and you were left alone, facing tall frosted glass doors. Taking one last stuttering breath, you took the steps forward to push open the doors. They were much heavier than expected and after a bit of a struggle, you finally managed to open it.

Before you sat the most impeccable man you had ever seen. The very image of power in a young and handsome man. The name plate placed at the very edge confirmed to you that he was indeed to be the man who was going to be conducting the interview. It was difficult to get your mind past how handsome he was. His perfectly parted hair framed his face and its long, delicate features. He wore a black fitted suit, one that probably cost more than any number you could imagine. Each stitch in its place to accentuate the lines of his body and to cut an imposing figure, even when seated. Everything about him oozed control and power. You had every right to be nervous.

He sat behind a massive desk; the only documents in front of him were what you expected to be your files. Most everything else, save for his nameplate, had been cleared off. If he had done this to intimidate you, he was doing an exceptionally good job without even saying a damn thing. “Come in. Have a seat. I’ve been expecting you.” He beckoned and gestured at the seat in front of him, his eyes raking up and down your figure, assessing everything about you. All the while, you were powerless to deny his request. His voice was soothing, low and lulled you into a strange sense of security.

Sinking into the seat in front of the desk, you sat just at the edge, reminding yourself to keep your posture proper and to keep your appearance as professional as possible. You needed to employ every trick in the book in order to succeed in the interview; and Lucifer knew that. His expression was unreadable as he waited for you to settle in, his hands idly flipping through your resume. “So, tell me, what do you think you can bring to this company working for me?”

Ah, there it was, the interview questions. You had prepared for this and the answer you rehearsed fell easily from your lips. “I have a lot of experience in working as an office manager. I understand that my duties may extend past what was listed in the job posting. However, I am willing to take in the extra hours and to work whatever job is given to me to ensure that your position and your reputation remains as impeccable as it has always been since the start. I will bring a new level of efficiency in your workflow and I will be a great asset to your company as such.”

He hummed, seeming uninterested in what you had to say. You began to sweat a bit at the back of your neck. Perhaps he had expected something more unique? Once again, he flipped through the pages of your resume, not really reading anything, just looking at the information you had put down. “I see… And how do you deal with pressure or stressful situations?”

Again, another question you had prepared for. “The easiest way to diffuse stressful stressful situations or overwhelming workloads is to make extensive lists. I like to break things down into their basic components so that large tasks are much more manageable in a timely manner.

He hums again, a vague sound of approval this time, nodding only slightly before making a mark on the papers in front of him. “Very good. Final question. How do you like to be managed?” His eyes flick up to you and there’s something in the way he gazes in your direction that makes your heart beat faster. There was something in the way his eyes trailed up and down your body that had you sitting up straighter than before.

“As long as I have clear direction, I will be able to work independently or as a team as needed.”

Much to your surprise, Lucifer smiles at the answer, circling something on the paper before getting up and sauntering over to you. “That’s very good to hear.” he said quietly, turning to look out the floor to ceiling windows to the cityscape his office overlooked. “There will be a lot of times where I can be demanding and ask you to stay later than usual hours. Will your priority still be this job if I ask this of you?”

You swallowed, not sure how you felt about the question, his tone had an undercurrent of electric energy that had you heating up and shivering at the same time. “Y-yes.” You stated after a brief pause, entranced by the curve of his spine and how well his pants fit his ass. “I can do that. I plan on making this position more than a job. I am looking for a career here.”

Lucifer nodded again, still not making any eye contact with you, which gave you plenty more time to ogle at how his posture and his stance against the window struck such a formal and imposing figure. At this point, he could tell you to work three twenty hour shifts in a row and you wouldn’t complain. The prospect of a hot boss, great pay and a job that was close to home was too tempting to you.

“If you accept this position, you will be placed on a probation period, as is customary for this company.” He explained and your heart started to beat faster. Did this mean you landed the job? You couldn’t tell if he was psyching you up for potential disappointment or if he was genuinely starting to offer you the job. “Once I’ve gone over your performance during your probationary period, your salary will increase. Additional raises and bonuses will be offered as I see fit for… exceptional work.” You couldn’t see it, but rather, you felt him smirking at his reflection in his reflection. “Does that sound acceptable to you?”

“Yes…” You breathed, mouth watering at the aspect of being able to make so much money. It was more than any other job you worked for paid.

Humans were such easy little playthings to control.

Lucifer walked back to you, standing in front of his desk and leaning against the heavy wood. “Your job will be of course to do what I request, many times without question. There will be many sensitive documents that you will handle and that requires your utmost confidentiality.”

“I understand.” You said bluntly, trying to calm your heart and your breathing to no avail.

“You understand that this position also may also involve some after hours activities which I will ask for you to partake in. They are not written on the job description, but they are paramount to this position. Don’t worry… I’ll be sure you receive clear and concise directions on exactly what to do as my personal assistant.”

You blinked. The way he worded the phrase seemed off, but you couldn’t put your finger on what. It was odd, he had always referred to the job as ‘this position’ until just now. It was the first time the actual job title until he tugged at the cuffs of his suit, undoing the buttons. “Oh…” You breathed, eyes wide, cheeks blushing brightly when you realized what he meant, the bulge in his pants was all the proof you needed for there to be absolutely no miscommunication. From the looks of it, you could only surmise that he was barely half mast in that state. Fuck, what kind of monster is he hiding in there?

“Before we sign the papers and you accept the job, I would like to do a test run to make sure you’re a good fit for the company.”

“Yes… of course.” You were practically panting, eyes blown wide and cheeks flushed. You pressed your legs together trying to hide the arousal that started pooling there after the realization that you would be servicing your future boss in rather intimate ways. That fact alone had you ready to sign whatever contract he produced in a heartbeat.

“We’ll begin by seeing how good you are at following directions. Stand up, please.” He flicked his fingers upward, eyes traveling up and down your body, knowing exactly the kind of reaction he was pulling out of you.

You were upon your feet in an instant, hands at your side, back straight as a board and your legs together. You barely dared to breathe as he left his spot on his desk to circle you. You could feel his gaze taking in every detail. He was close enough for you to smell the cologne he wore waft past you as he passed your side and you suppressed a shiver.

“What kind of posture is this?” He chided, pressing the spot between your shoulder blades gently, pushing your shoulders back. “Just because you’re standing up straight does not mean you’re doing it properly.” Lucifer tsked, shaking his head slightly. “How do you expect to represent me and this company if you look like a cardboard cut out.” His hands left a trail of goosebumps across your skin as he adjusted your body as he saw fit. Your hands folded neatly in front of you, your legs now just shoulder width apart and your shoulders back, he took another circle around you to reassess your stance. “Much better.” He murmured. “It will do you well to remember how this feels. I won’t be so lenient if I see you looking so foolishly in front of a client.”

You nodded, memorizing just how he had posed your body, reminding yourself to practice in the mirror. You didn’t dare speak unless he gave you permission to, just something about how he stalked around you made it impossible to raise any objections.

“Stay still unless I say otherwise.” Lucifer commanded next. “It’s important that you are at attention no matter what the circumstances. When I ask for your… special services, you will refer to me as Sir.” His finger traced the hem of your pencil skirt, pulling it up just a bit and you fought back the urge to flinch. “But of course, I should say that right now, you have the power to stop this at any time. Understood?”

“Yes…”

“Yes who?” Lucifer’s tone was sharp and the hand playing at the hem of your skirt moved to place a firm spank on your ass. The pain coursing down your leg, you jumped a bit, but remembered his command to stay still.

“Yes… Sir…”

“Good.” He nearly purred, leaning in to kiss the shell of your ear, his breath hot against your skin and his hand once again traveled to the hem of your skirt, playing with the fabric and pulling it up until he got a good view of the lacy lucky panties you decided to wear that day. “Very good.” he praises, tracing his fingers across the flimsy fabric. Your breath hitches as he brushes light touches across your bare skin. You stay still, demanding that your body stop trembling, though Lucifer can clearly tell just how nervous you are, shaking like a little lamb at his behest. In a show of dominance, he lets your skirt fall back down, cupping your face to pull you into a heated kiss.

Your mind is practically blank at this point, hands still clasped in front of you, gripping each other like your life depended on it while he claimed your lips and took your breath away. At some point you had reciprocated, kissing him back and earning a low growl from the back of his throat as a reward. He pulled away, your lipstick smeared across his face and his eyes glittering in lust as he looked at your disheveled form in perfect posture. “Hmm… yes… I think you’ll fit right into my needs.” He appraised, rubbing his chin and smirking. The expression sends a shiver down your spine but you didn’t dare move.

His hand guides you two steps forward towards his desk. “Bend over.” He commands and you oblige, your chest laying on the surface of the mahogany desk. Your hips flush against the edge of it while your hands stretched out to grasp at what it could to stay still as he asked. He readjusts you again, spreading your legs further, straining the fabric of your skirt. With a tsk of frustration, he pulled the offending piece of clothing up to your waist, letting the cool AC hit the back of your thighs and allowing him to spread your legs even further. In your heels, you could feel your calves tremble as you struggled to keep the position he had set for you. Thankful for the desk to cling onto, you used it to ground yourself as your ass is exposed to him. Your legs spread to the point where you were bent sharply, completely level with the desk and your hot core could feel the air conditioning blow past your heated nether lips. “You look good spread across my desk like this. I’ll be sure to make use of this position often.” He commented, rubbing your ass gently, teasing you through the fabric of your panties. His fingers brush across the wet spot on your panties and you can feel the it mold against your wet heat. Embarrassed, you stifled the whine that formed at the back of your throat. Even if the two of you were on a separate floor from others, you didn’t know if there were others right outside those heavy glass doors.

His teasing seemed to last forever and you could just see how much he was enjoying it whenever you dared to glance up and see your lewd reflection in the mirror with that salacious grin on his face as he fingered you oh so gently and left you on the edge of wanting more. Every time you glanced up even briefly, he always made sure to make eye contact with you in the reflection, knowing just how much you were affected by his basic touches.

Of course, he wasn’t getting out of the exchange with nothing. The slight bulge in his pants earlier had strained into an impressive tent seeing his new assistant splayed out before him, eager to please. Humans were such predictable creatures. Predictable, yet so much fun to toy with. He couldn’t get enough of the soft sighs that came from your lips as you held back your noises. It only made him want to see break for him even more. His slender, manicured fingers finally gave you a little relief, pressing against the wet spot in your panties and following the curves of your pussy lips that had molded themselves there due to your slick. At that, your hips bucked back, urging him to give him more but a firm hand on your lower back stopped any further movements. “I did not say you could move.”

You whined, clutching onto the edge of the desk, your fingers sore and locking up from how hard you were holding on. You weren’t sure how you were going to handle this sort of treatment on the regular when the trial run was already driving you mad with need. As if he could sense your impatience, he finally pulled down your panties, allowing your legs a brief reprieve as he took them off and tossed them to the side before making you resume the position you had held for who knew how long.

“For a trial run, you’re doing very well.” He cooed, smirking as he saw your glistening folds. “I should remind you that there are people still working in the building. We may have a floor to ourselves, but please keep that in mind and don’t scream too loudly now.” He chuckled darkly, tracing the curve of your ass and finally sinking a finger into your heat. Just the feeling of being penetrated by something had you keening and you struggled to keep yourself from screaming. “Ooh, that’s a pretty noise you make… Please make more of those.” he encouraged, slowly sliding his finger in and out of you.

“Y-yes sir.” You panted, your legs ached, but the pain was absolutely nothing compared to the pleasure that was building up in your abdomen just from feeling a finger slowly fuck you. You had come in for an interview and your soon to be boss was unraveling you in ways you had only fantasized about. All the while, Lucifer remained the very image of composure, if it weren’t for his very obvious hard on being pressed against the back of your thigh, you would have thought he was impervious to the scene he had orchestrated. Every time his finger dragged itself out of you, you let out an appreciative mewl, mind reeling as he pressed every button he needed for you to submit completely to him.

You lost track of time and how many times he left you wanting more with how his finger moved in and out of you. At some point, he had added a second, then a third, deliciously stretching you out. You were so wet and ready for him, you could feel your essence drip down your thighs as your legs struggled to keep you upright. Lucifer was patient, he had lived several millennia already, edging you until you were a begging mess on top of his desk for a few hours was absolutely nothing to him.

In a show of surprising restaurant, he pressed hot kisses against the back of your neck, nipping at your skin whenever you let out a particularly breathy sigh. The scent of sex and his cologne enveloped you and you were practically dizzy with need. “Sir…” You whined after he had curled his fingers in you, making you see stars and your walls trembled, clenching around his fingers. “Please… I need more…”

“Oh?” He asked, raising an eyebrow and removing his fingers, much to your dismay. He watched in amusement as your pussy twitched, clenching around air now that his fingers were no longer filling you. Glancing at the clock on the wall, he was surprised how long you had held out before you were begging for him. His erection had pressed against his impeccably tailored pants for so long, it was almost painful, yet, he couldn’t let you have your way just yet. Even if it was a trial, he still wanted to see just how far he could push you. “You think you really deserve more? You haven’t even gotten this job yet.”

His fingers were back on your wet, sopping cunt, sliding up and down your labia, rubbing slow, firm circles around your clit. You wailed, bucking your hips and forgetting the command to stay still until his other hand reminded you by spanking your ass cheek. “No moving.” He growled and you struggled to obey, stilling your body even though every part of you screamed to squirm and beg for him. “You will get more when I decide you get more.”

You could only nod in reply, letting him use your body as he saw fit. “For your next test. You will cum when I tell you to.” he breathed, pressing his finger against your clit, making you choke back a sob of pleasure. “After that, I promise you, you’ll be at the last part of the interview.”

“Yes, Sir. I’ll do what you want, Sir. Whatever you say, Sir.” You babbled mindlessly, your body aching for relief and release. The torture and pleasure he could pull out of you with just his fingers had your mind jumping to the future to what other things he could elicit out of you.

“Good girl.” He praised, patting your hair in a surprisingly soft gesture. He followed the gentleness with a chaste kiss on your lips before going right back to being the commanding figure you had met him as. He plunged his fingers into you again, knuckle deep and pumping in and out of you furiously, loving the way your walls fluttered and clenched as you held off on your orgasm until he permitted it. “You are so obedient… just what I like.” He praised breathlessly, working you closer and closer to the point of no return.

You couldn’t think straight, you didn’t care if others heard the lewd sounds coming from your lips as you whined, begging for release. You were so close, you wanted to cum so badly, but your determination to pass his test outweighed your desire and you held out until his silky voice whispered the blissful word into your ear. “Cum…” He purred and you gratefully crumbled, your body spasming around his fingers, milking it like it was his cock. Soft whines escaped your lips and tears of gratitude streaked down your face.

“Thank you, Sir.” You panted, blissed out and feeling weightless after such a powerful orgasm. Your vision blurred as you stared blankly at the wall, wondering if this was the end of the interview. Lucifer’s fingers leaving your sore pussy sure seemed to signal that things had reached a conclusion. Glancing up at the reflection in the windows, you flushed bright red when you saw Lucifer lewdly cleaning his fingers off with his tongue.

“Hmm… I think you would do well.” He said once his fingers no longer shone with your essence. He sauntered over to the other side of the desk where you clung onto for dear life. Sinking into his chair, he casually opened up one of the drawers, pulling out a contract and placing it in front of you. “If you believe you can keep up with my demands, then all you have to do is sign on the dotted line at the bottom. He slid you an ornate fountain pen into your hand.

Your trembling digits could barely hold onto the pen and you moved to start reading the contract, going over the terms and conditions of your new position. Most of it was the basic business jargon seen in every typical job. There were a few things that seemed out of place, but in your just fucked state of mind, it was very difficult to focus on what about them seemed wrong. Unable to really think straight about what you were getting yourself into, you placed the pen onto the paper, eager to start your new job.

Just as you the pen started to move, you heard the sound of a zipper being undone and the hard erection you had felt earlier on the back of your thigh now pressed up against your sore pussy. You gasped, eyes going wide at the feeling of being stretched out once again. “Well? Will you sign?” He asked casually, sinking into you inch by inch as you struggled to breath and think, let alone sign a contract.

“Yes… Yes, Sir…” you whined, starting to shakily write your name as he bottomed out inside of you. He hissed, taking a hold of your hips and roughly slamming them back into him to get as much contact as he could. You yelped, unable to write your name at all. Your hips banged against the edge of the desk with every one of his rough thrusts. No doubt, there would be dark bruises there the next day reminding you exactly what you did to get the job you were signing for now.

With each pass, Lucifer lets a little more of himself go, grunting in effort as he relished in the feeling of your hot walls surrounding him. He hadn’t found such an obedient human in a long time. It would be such a fun time for him to push your limits every day you were in his office. What he offered now was only a glimpse of what he had planned for you. Every time your hand stuttered in the middle of signing your name, his grin widened. The closer you were to sealing the contract with him, the closer he was to his own release that he had been holding back for hours now.

“Just a little more…” he urged, slowing down his thrusts so you had at least some time to get a few more letters of your name out. Just as you finished, he let out a primal growl, slamming his hips into yours, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoed in the room as he fucked you without abandon. The fountain pen fell from your fingers and you were back to clutching onto the edge of the desk as yet another explosive orgasm started to build in you.

Glancing up into the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of what Lucifer looked like while he was coming undone inside of you, you were surprised at the image you saw. It was only for a brief moment, but you swore you saw horns on him, and dark, feathery wings framing his body. The sound of the pen you dropped falling to the floor broke the illusion and the image of the prim and proper business man with an utterly feral look was all you saw.

He knew he wouldn’t last long once he entered you and so, he chased his release inside of you. As soon as the contract was signed, he was done for. His hand snaked around your abused waist to reach for your clit, bringing you to climax in time with his own. With a grateful groan, he released all the pent up tension in him, spilling his hot seed deep inside of you while your walls spasmed around him, milking every inch of him and accepting what he had given you. “Very good…” he cooed, his eyelids fluttering as he relished in the rush that came after such an explosive climax.

You whined, your body bruised and beaten, but also feeling absolutely boneless and euphoric. You hadn’t experienced anything like that before and it was all rather mindblowing to say the least. The contract in front of you with your shaky signature, ink blots from when you lost control of the pen and a fair amount of your tears stared back at you. This was your future. This would be a regular part of your life going forward; and you didn’t feel a shred of regret from it. You zoned out for a moment, hardly believing that it was all real.

Lucifer’s cock slipping out of you and the feeling of his cum dripping out of you snapped you back to reality. “Very good job. I’ll say you passed all the tests with flying colors.” He said, fixing his suit and continuing on as if he hadn’t just fucked the living daylights out of you. “I expect you to come in on Monday ready to work. I have a lot of filing for you to catch up with.”

He smirked, taking the signed contract and slipping it back into his desk. He cupped your chin in his hand and planted soft kisses on your lips, once again leaving you dizzy and breathless. “You are free to move now.” He said and you gratefully worked on closing your sore legs, wondering how you were going to make it out the office in the state that you were in. You weren’t sure you were able to walk, let alone get all the way home with how weak you were. Lucifer chuckled, dialing a few numbers into his cellphone. “I’ll arrange for a ride home for you.” He offered. “As a thank you for such a lovely interview.”

You breathed a sigh of relief, knowing you had a way to get back without catching too many unwanted stares at your disheveled state. “Thank you, Sir.”

“Lucifer.” He corrected briskly.

“Thank you, Lucifer. I’ll be sure to arrive on time Monday.” You sank into the chair to gather your wits about you, staring at your trembling hands.

“Good.” He said coolly and looking up at him, you gasped when you saw him casually twirling your panties on one finger as he looked down at you. “Your ride should be here shortly, please make sure you’re presentable, you do not want to dishonor me.”

“Yes. Of course, Lucifer.” you hastily combed your hand through your hair, hoping to take care of the worst of the flyaways. You glanced nervously at the panties in his hand, figuring they were a lost cause at this point and simply accepted the fact that you’d be taking this arranged ride with your boss’ cum dripping down your thigh. Carefully standing up, you remembered to assume the proper posture he had shown you earlier and he smiled in approval.

“Very good.” He gestured to the heavy glass doors, opening them as if with magic with a press of a button. “I’ll see you Monday.”

“Yes,Lucifer.” You replied obediently, taking the first shaky steps out.

“Oh, and one more thing.” he called out to your retreating form. You turned, blinking and wondering what else he could want from you. “Wear the same lipstick, will you? I’d love to see what that color looks like smeared all over my cock.”

“Yes, of course. As you wish.” You replied, blushing a deep red and rushing out of the office now, high off of getting the coveted position of Lucifer’s personal assistant and the prospect of what else he could ask you to do for him.

Watching you slip into the elevator, Lucifer smiled to himself. He reached into his desk and pulled out the contract, skimming the terms and conditions you had agreed to.

Humans were terribly predictable. Yet, they were also infinitely entertaining.

[orangepanic]

It’s too much to believe anyone cares about my OCs so I decided to do this interview-style with Commander Cuzon because I miss talking to him a little.

93 fun OC asks because why not

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

“Male.”

2. What is their sexuality?

“That got very personal very quickly. Fine. I like women.”

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

“I answer to Commander and to Cuzon. If you don’t know which to use, I’m unlikely to answer to either.”

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

“I have an older brother, Duan. Had, I suppose.”

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

“Nothing. Duan raised me from the time I was four. I hear they were nice people, but I never knew them.”

6. What would they give their life for?

*laughs* “I believe this is what you would call spoilers?”

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

“Lai and I grew up together.”

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

“Returning to the dirt is the highest honor for an earthbender. There’s a certain justice to it, I think. I use the dirt. The dirt uses me.”

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

“I suppose you want me to say golden badgermoles, but I’ve always been partial to ostrich horses. SWE has some beautiful roans.”

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

“I beat General Iroh in every duel we ever fought. And you can tell him I said that, too. Arrogant son of a bitch needs to hear it every once in a while so his head doesn’t get too big for his scrawny ass.”

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

“That’s a ridiculous question. We are none of us making a mark alone. It takes the group to turn the tide, always.”

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

“I was 28 in the summer of ’72. My birthday is in March.”

13. What do they do for fun?

“I’m not sure why I’d be deliberately idle, but I suppose I could say that I watch my niece, Illea.”

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

“I’m not terribly picky. There wasn’t enough food growing up to have preferences. You either had food that night, or you didn’t.”

15. What was something their parents taught them?

“You never know when you might die.”

16. Are they religious?

“In a way. SWE is a spiritual place with many important traditions. But it has more to do with the order of things than how you tend to define religion in your world.”

17. Where were they born?

“On my family’s farm, or what passed for it, on the outskirts of Hagarshan in Southwest Earth Kingdom. I expect you’ve never heard of it.”

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

“There used to be a local dialect but hardly anybody speaks it now. I know a handful of words. Most of them describe things that don’t seem to exist in other languages. There are fourteen kinds of sand, but you call them all 'sand.' It’s both funny and sad."

19. What is their occupation?

“At the peak of my career I was the commander of the United Forces Southern Fleet.”

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

“The same way everyone in the Forces earns them, or at least everyone worth a pound of their own shit. I bled. I never gave Iroh enough credit for that.”

Personality:

21. What is their favorite thing about their personality?

“I know what loyalty means.”

22. What is their least favorite thing about their personality?

“I know what loyalty means. It’s never costless.”

23. Do they get lonely easily?

“I’m used to it.”

24. Do you know their MBTI type?

“I don’t know what this means, but I believe on your little form you put ISTJ?”

25. What is their biggest flaw?

“Sometimes I see what I want to see.”

26. Are they aware of their flaws?

“I did just answer your question, didn’t I?”

27. What is their biggest strength?

“I’m a fairly accomplished metalbender. I work at it.”

28. Are they aware of their strengths?

“Fully.”

29. How would they describe their own personality?

“That’s an interesting question. I suppose I’d say I’m determined. I’m willing to put in the work, and I’m willing to call out those that won’t or never had to.”

30. When frightened, will they resort to “fight” or “flight”?

“For all their flaws, no one in the UF runs. When we die, it’s with wounds on our fronts.”

31. Does this character ever put somebody else’s needs before their own? Who do they do this for? How often do they do this?

“I can’t imagine not. This is the bedrock of SWE culture. My needs ARE the needs of others. That’s how we survive.”

32. What is their self esteem like?

“I’m capable. I know this. I don’t understand why one would evaluate themselves incorrectly.”

33. What is their biggest fear? How would they react to having to face it?

“It is a terrible thing to realize you are wrong too late to change it. I did the best I could.”

34. How easily do they trust others with their secrets? With their lives?

“There is no success without the collective, but do not mistake co-dependence for trust.”

35. What is the easiest way to annoy them?

“Pair authority with incompetence.”

36. What is their sense of humor like? Give an example of a joke they would find humorous.

“Iroh once said something about Raiko that I won’t repeat, but it was very funny and not terribly flattering.”

37. How easy is it for them to say “I love you”? Do they say it without meaning it?

“Never, ever say this if you don’t mean it. Of all the words to play with, never choose love and mean it lightly.”

38. What do others admire most about their personality?

“I heard once that I was the type of person who would sacrifice everything for what I believe in. It still haunts me, knowing how true that is.”

39. What does their happily ever after look like?

“I’d like to see what comes after me. I don’t believe happily ever after will come in my lifetime.”

40. Who do they trust most? Is that trust mutual?

“Myself.”

Physical Profile:

41. What does their laugh sound like? Do they snort when they laugh? How often do they laugh?

“On the few occasions I laugh, it is normal.”

42. What is their favorite thing about their physical appearance?

“I look like where I’m from. It is a helpful reminder of what I owe.”

43. What is their least favorite thing about their physical appearance?

“These damned glasses! What I wouldn’t give to see six feet in front of me unaided.”

44. Do they have any scars? If so, what are the stories behind those scars?

“Everyone who works in the mines has scars on their hands.”

45. How would they describe their own appearance?

“Morning ocean eyes, skin and hair the color of skt, which I suppose you would call something unnecessarily complicated like ‘coarse golden sand.’ Colors are the hardest for me, you have so few.”

46. How easily can they express emotions? How easily can they hide emotions?

“If you know what I’m thinking, I’ve failed.”

47.  What’s their pain tolerance like?

“Try me.”

48. Do they have any tattoos? What are the stories behind those tattoos?

“No. It’s a waste of ink.”

49. Do they have any piercings?

“No metal bender has piercings, are you mad?”

50. How would you describe their style of clothing? How would they describe their style of clothing?

“I dress in the brown barjng of my people now, but I was always fond of the United Forces uniforms.”

51. What is their height? Weight?

“5’10 or so.”

52. What is their body type? Are they muscular, chubby, skinny, etc?

“As fit as anyone in the Forces.”

53. What is their hair color? Eye color? Skin tone?

“I believe we’ve been over this.”

54. What is their current hairstyle? What have been some of their past hairstyles? Which was their favorite hairstyle?

“I’ve kept it in the same style since I was recruited. We don’t have all of those silly attachments to hair like they do in the Fire Nation.”

55. What is their alcohol tolerance like? What kind of drunk are they? How bad are their hangovers?

“I don’t get drunk. At best there’s no point, and at worst it’s downright dangerous. I can hold my own for a couple of drinks but I haven’t gone past that since I was a kid.”

56. What do they smell like? Why do they smell like this? (Is it the things they’re around or a perfume they wear?)

“Are you serious? I’m not letting you smell me.”

57. How do they feel about sex? Are they a virgin?

“This is ridiculous. Are you almost done with these questions? Of course I’m not a virgin, that’s absurd.”

58. What is their most noticeable physical attribute?

“Not a lot of men in the Forces wear glasses.”

59. What does their resting face look like? Do they have RBF?

“Probably like I am annoyed, because I am.”

60. Describe the way they sleep.

“With one eye open, even still.”

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

“There is only one season in SWE. Hot.”

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

“This is another of those ‘spoilers’ questions, I suppose, but I don’t suppose it’s too much to say that the entire Earth Kingdom has betrayed us.”

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

“You ending an interview.”

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

“Everywhere is cold compared to SWE, but I can handle it well enough.”

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

“I’m hardly ever sick. The sick ones die young here.”

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

“I’m back home now. There’s not much choice, but I suppose it is fair.”

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

“Over a decade in the United Forces. Everything has a place.”

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

“I believe I’m what one might call a minimalist. I don’t waste much.”

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

“Everything and everyone has a use. We are all connected.”

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

“I like animals, but I don’t see the point of pets. It’s just another mouth to feed.”

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

“I’m not sure I’m prepared to answer this. I love Illea, but I don’t know that I want her all the time. I have other obligations. Ask Lai.”

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort?

“Neither. I demand progress.”

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

“If you see our structures you’ll understand there’s not much difference.”

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

“Cloudy days can be a blessing.”

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

“I might write my thoughts if I was sure no one would have access to the paper after.”

76. How organized are they?

“Enough.”

77. What is their most prized possession?

*laughs* “Would you believe Iroh still mails me a bag of white dragon tea every New Years? He thinks it's hilarious. Calls katfa 'boiled shit' in the note, too. 'Saving you from drinking that boiled shit for another year' like it's the funniest damned thing every time."

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

“Most likely Lai. She understands a lot.”

79. What is their economic situation?

“It’s gotten better.”

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

“I don’t sleep very much.”

Miscellaneous:

81. Are they bothered by the sight of blood?

“I’m hardly in the right line of work for that.”

82. What is their handwriting like?

“Efficient.”

83. Can they swim? How well? Do they like to swim?

“Everyone in the United Forces can swim. They flunk you out of Iziko if you can’t.”

84. Which deadly sin do they represent best?

“Wrath.”

85. Do they believe in ghosts?

“No. I’d have been haunted by now.”

86. How do they celebrate holidays? How do they celebrate birthdays?

“Most everything is organized by the community. I do my part as I am able.”

87. What is something they regret?

“It’s hard to say. Everything that happened, happened for a reason. Do I wish it had been different? Of course. But that is like wishing the tide would change.”

88. Do they have an accent?

“No. I worked to make sure that I didn’t.”

89. What is their D&D alignment?

“I believe I’m what you would call Lawful Good, though I suppose that last bit is debatable.”

90. Are they right or left handed?

“Right.”

91. If they were a tweet, what tweet would they be?

“I have no idea what this means. I’ve looked at tweets, and they’re nothing but blather. I’m the tweet that wasn’t sent.”

92. Describe them as a John Mulaney gif.

“I admit I had help with this one, but I like it.”

93. What’s the most iconic line of dialogue they’ve ever said?

“I don't know if it's iconic or not, but I enjoyed telling Iroh off that afternoon we were in prison. 'Spirits forbid the son of the Firelord get so much as a slap on the wrist for dereliction of duty and lying to a commanding officer. You fucked up, Iroh, and you got fucking promoted' or something of that nature. It's true, you know. Good officer or no, the system worked for him. It still does."