#I’ve never seen her so scared and miserable and I’m in a fucking new country and everything has been stressful as fuck

[hazzabeeforlou]

.

[invisibleanonymousmonsters]

Déjà vu - Part II

Character: Bucky Barnes x Tall!Reader

Summary: Bucky thought his days of memory loss were done. But after a serious head injury, he can’t seem to remember anything past his time in Wakanda. But he’s starting feel like his life is missing more than just memories.

Word Count: 4,000

Part I

For once, Bucky got a good night’s sleep.

But when he woke up, he realized he’d dreamt about Y/N. Whether they were memories or his mind’s own creation, he didn’t know. She didn’t say anything. It was just…her. Like an old film reel without any sound. Just sunlight and clouds and Y/N.

Bucky splashed ice cold water over his face and on the back of his neck.

He stared at his reflection in the mirror.

He was growing frustrated.

Why was his mind so weak? Why couldn’t he just remember?

Bucky gripped the edge of the bathroom counter tightly, almost too tightly.

He went to the kitchen to get some coffee and try to make something good enough to be considered breakfast.

When he walked in, he found Steve and Y/N arguing in hushed whispers.

They were standing close, getting into each other’s faces. With Y/N’s height, they were basically eye to eye. There was no fear in her eyes as she faced the super soldier that probably had 100 pounds of muscle on her.

Bucky had never seen Steve so much as talk to Y/N when they were outside of training or missions.

Bucky was able to figure out that there was some sort of falling out between the two. From what, he had yet to figure out. He tried to just blatantly ask Steve, but he got nothing.

Y/N caught sight of Bucky’s entrance over Steve’s shoulder.

Steve followed her gaze.

Their argument immediately stopped, proving to Bucky that it had most likely been about him.

“Stay–” Y/N started to say to Steve and then her eyes widened, realizing that her words started off in a command. She was always so careful how she worded everything. She couldn’t make a mistake, accidentally taking away someone’s free will. 

“Can you please stay out of it?” Y/N saved herself.

Her voice shook and Bucky swore there were tears starting to form in her eyes.

Despite hardly knowing her and Steve being his best friend, Bucky suddenly got angry from seeing Y/N upset. What the hell had Steve said to get her riled up?

Bucky stepped forward. “What’s going on?” But his tone was accusatory and he was glaring at Steve.

“Nothing,” Y/N snapped before rushing out of the kitchen.

As soon as she was gone, Bucky walked further into the room. “What the hell did you say to her, Steve?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Steve grumbled.

“Enough!” Bucky growled.

“I’ve been trying not to bother all of you. I didn’t want to make you guys solely responsible for filling in all the blanks in my head. But there’s something going on and I’m sick of being treated like some idiot.”

Steve seemed taken aback by Bucky’s reaction.

“So what the fuck are you all hiding?” He huffed.

Steve rubbed his face. He knew his friend had a point. “It’s more complicated than that, Bucky.” Then he sighed. “Maybe it’s time to call Shuri.”

“There’s a lot going on in Wakanda right now. She’s the lead inventor of a country and a royal princess. I don’t need to bother her with my head again.”

“She’s your friend, Buck. If you don’t reach out to her or T’Challa, I will.”

Bucky clenched his teeth.

“Why do you have to be stubborn about everything?” Steve accused.

“I’m sick of being everyone’s charity case, Steve. I can’t fix myself. It has to be everyone else that does it for me. I’m tired of it.”

He didn’t let Steve have the last word and stormed out of the kitchen.

—————————

“Can’t you get rid of the resting murder face just for a couple hours, man?” Sam asked Bucky as they stood at the bar.

It was Tony’s birthday.

Bucky was still surprised that Tony had befriended him after all this time, let alone even tolerated him. He murdered the man’s parents. Last Bucky remembered, Tony had been willing to break up the Avengers just to make sure Bucky ended up in prison for the rest of his life.

“I don’t belong here,” Bucky growled to Sam.

Here he stood in an all black suit, with a fancy drink in his hand. He was surrounded by people he didn’t know, most of them either rich or important.

Nat had tried to get him to slick back his hair and put it in a bun. But Bucky swatted her hands away when she even just tried to show him.

The suit was as good as it was going to get.

“Tony and you are friends now. Whether you believe me or not, you are. So try not to look so miserable,” Sam told him calmly.

Bucky just nodded. He knew Sam had a point.

Steve had been jumping around, getting pulled into too many conversations. Everyone wanted their moment with Captain America. It reminded Bucky of his days before he actually fought in the war, how Steve felt like a dancing monkey with no other purpose.

At least he didn’t have to get paraded around like that, Bucky thought to himself.

Then there was a figure walking through the crowd, at least an entire head above everyone else.

Bucky would recognize that height anywhere.

Y/N was strolling through the party like a celestial. 

Despite already being significantly tall, she was still wearing four-inch stiletto heels. Her dress somehow managed to be both conservative and sexy, hiding her cleavage but shoving off skin in new places.

Sam watched as Bucky stared.

“Does she have a boyfriend?” Bucky asked shamelessly without taking his eyes off Y/N.

Sam smirked. “Nope.” He took a sip of his drink. “Most men are scared of her. Though…she doesn’t really make it easy for them.”

Bucky chuckled. There was a part of him that was relieved. Jealousy was not a good look on him.

Men and women eyed Y/N. It was hard not too with how much space she took up and how unashamed she went about doing it.

Women envied her statuesque figure. Some just assumed she was a model. 

Some men couldn’t help but trail their gaze down her long legs. 

“You’re not going to tell me what her deal is, are you?” Bucky asked.

Sam chuckled. “Nope.”

“Why not?”

Sam tossed back his drink then. “There’s a lot of things you have to figure out for yourself, Bucky. Whether that’s from getting your memories back or talking to her yourself, that’s your choice.”

He patted Bucky’s shoulder and mumbled something about going to find Wanda to showcase his new moves on the dance floor.

When Bucky turned back to the bar, he saw that Y/N was on the far end, waiting for her own drink.

Bucky hesitated before slowly moving to her side.

He could tell she immediately felt his presence without even glancing in his direction.

She didn’t say anything to him, but ordered a dirty martini from the bartender.

“Is this the part where you say I look beautiful?” Y/N asked without looking at him. Her tone was cold and bored.

Bucky smiled and shook his head. “Something tells me you would be unimpressed if I tried to give you the compliment.” Then he leaned closer. “Even though it’s a fact.”

“Words don’t really do much for me. Especially when they come from men who want something. In the end, their words are just…empty.”

Bucky chuckled. “You must see the irony, hearing that from you of all people.”

“I give commands, not truth.”

Bucky realized this was the longest he’d ever heard her talk.

“Have you ever used them on me?” He asked.

Y/N’s entire posture stiffened. His question was the thing that finally made her actually look at him.

“I would never do that to you,” there was nothing but sincerity in her statement.

Bucky felt like he’d achieved something by catching her off guard and throwing off her act, even if it was just for a few seconds.

“What if I asked you to?” Bucky asked. His eyes were playful.

Anger flickered across her face. She threw back her martini like it was a drop of water and slammed the glass back onto the bar. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” She growled before shoving past him.

Bucky watched as she walked with purpose. She made her way to Tony, not caring that she was interrupting a conversation. She whispered something in his hear and kissed him on the cheek. Then she gave Pepper a hug.

Bucky watched her entire exit.

—————————————

Y/N walked a step behind Steve and Bucky. It was like they were her two bodyguards.

No matter how much she’d proven herself to the two super soldiers, they both felt the need to look out for her on every mission.

They were in Japan, trying to track down the distributor of a drug that gave people short term effects of being enhanced. Steve and Bucky almost took it personally: somebody advertising that anyone could be like a super soldier, even if it was just for a few hours. What nobody was being told was the side effects almost always ended with the user being put in a coma or having a seizure, until they’re heart just stopped beating altogether.

The Avengers didn’t know that the distributor was waiting for them.

“I don’t like this,” Bucky muttered with a gun at the ready.

“That’s what you always say,” Steve answered quietly.

Suddenly there was a whistling in the air, almost like a bullet.

Steve and Bucky quickly turned at the sound.

But when they both turned to Y/N, she was pulling something out of her neck. It wasn’t a bullet, but it was a similar shape. When she looked at Bucky, her eyes rolled to the back of her head and she started to drop to the ground.

“Y/N!” Bucky called out as he dropped his gun and jumped to her, catching Y/N’s body in his arms before she could hit the ground.

“It’s a tranquilizer,” Bucky grunted.

Then there was a clapping.

Steve stood with his shield held high, putting it and himself protectively in front of Bucky and Y/N, who was now in Bucky’s arms.

Twenty something men stepped out of the darkness in front of them.

Steve and Bucky turned to see twenty more behind them, trapping them in the hallway.

Bucky cursed under his breath. His gun was still on the ground from rushing after Y/N.

A man walked out of the shadows. “We could not have your little siren using that tongue of hers against us, could we?” He said with a thick Japanese accent.

“But she did deliver both of you to me,” he added.

Bucky’s grip on Y/N tightened protectively.

“I will make you a deal,” he continued. “Give us the girl and we will let you walk out of here…alive.”

Steve narrowed his gaze. “I thought it was us you wanted?”

“I have no intention of improving my drug. It is selling fine, even with its unfortunate side effects.” He look at Y/N then. “But when I heard about her…I set my sights on something else entirely.”

“You even think about touching her–” Bucky snarled.

“You are outnumbered, Winter Soldier.”

“Bucky,” Steve warned quietly. 

Yes, they could most likely take on all the men. But they couldn’t do that and keep Y/N safe at the same time. If a fight broke out, these men could easily grab her and make a run for it.

It took the team months just to find this hideout and now they knew it had been a set up. They’d wanted the Avengers to find them here.

“Put down your weapons and we will let you say goodbye,” the leader offered.

“Do it, Bucky.” Steve ordered. But he was also telling him, ‘The team has our coordinates. They will find us soon enough.’

Steve put down his shield and held his hands up in surrender.

A man stepped out of the shadows and walked up to Bucky, tearing Y/N’s unconscious body from his arms.

“You hurt her and I’ll save you for last,” Bucky warned venomously.

———————————-

When Y/N came to, there was a device over her mouth and she was locked to a chair.

Steve was off to the side, chained to the floor like some kind of caged animal.

But across from her was Bucky, who looked beaten up. He was chained up similar to Steve, but sitting in a chair underneath a harsh light.

Despite the blood and bruises covering his, when she met his gaze he was trying to tell her everything was OK.

Y/N looked around to see that all the men in the room were wearing devices in their ears.

They knew about her ability. And they were prepared. She couldn’t control them.

“All the legends have been traveling through my world for years. I must say I did not believe them until you started working with the Avengers.”

The same leader walked into the light, introducing himself to Y/N.

“All those mysterious suicides, no proof that they were staged,” he sighed. “It was all your doing, was it not?” Y/N just glared at him.

He didn’t like that at all.

He turned and punched Bucky across the face. Y/N jumped at the sight and sound.

“They were your doing, yes or no?” He repeated.

Y/N quickly nodded.

“To think of what I could do with your power…” he thought aloud with a smile. “I wanted to see it for myself.” Then he signaled to one of his men, who then dragged in a beaten man who was crying.

“I want you tell him to beat his head into the floor until he kills himself,” the leader ordered.

Y/N looked horrified and stayed still.

Then the leader pointed a gun to Bucky’s head.

“Do it or there will be a bullet in his head.” Then he glanced towards Steve, “Or I will tell you to make Captain Rogers kill your lover.”

Bucky’s heart dropped at the word ‘lover.’

The man walked to Y/N and kneeled before Y/N. “He is your lover, is he not?” Then he read her face. “Or perhaps was… hmm? A lover’s quarrel?” He stood up, turning back to Bucky. “It does not matter. You still love him.”

Y/N was silently crying now.

Meanwhile, Steve and Bucky were desperately fighting against their restraints.

“Tell the man to kill himself or I will shoot the Soldier.” He held the gun to Bucky’s temple.

The man behind Y/N ripped the mouth guard off her face.

The only people in the room who would be effected by her powers was the trembling man on the floor, and Steve and Bucky.

Y/N was shaking and crying.

But she didn’t have a choice. 

She gave the man the command and closed her eyes as she heard him beating his head against the hard cement floor.

Y/N was fully sobbing.

She didn’t open her eyes until the room went silent.

The man was laying dead, head and face covered in blood.

Y/N was shaking as she couldn’t take her eyes off the grisly corpse. “There is more fun to be had,” was all the leader said before he and his men left the room.

Y/N was sobbing again.

“Y/N,” Bucky muttered. “Y/N, look at me.”

But she couldn’t.

“Y/N, there was nothing you could do. You didn’t do this. Do you hear me? This was not you.”

But she wouldn’t listen. She couldn’t even look at Steve and Bucky.

That’s how Tony, Nat, Sam, and Wanda found them.

Bucky didn’t even glance at them as they broke in. His eyes had been glued to Y/N the entire time.

As soon as he was cut free, Bucky booked it to Y/N.

He ripped her restraints.

“I got you, doll. You’re OK. We’re all OK.” He whispered over and over again. He didn’t even bother to see if she could walk, just picked her up in his arms.

Bucky didn’t let anyone get near her. He didn’t even think of letting her out of his arms.

He let Steve explain to the team what had happened.

Bucky didn’t snap out of it until Nat said she was going to take Y/N to her room, that she’d help her clean up and shower.

Bucky couldn’t be there for that.

After he showered too, he found Steve sitting at the kitchen counter, completely lost in his own thoughts.

Bucky leaned against the sink and crossed his arms. “We were together,” he muttered. “Y/N and I were together…and I did something to fuck it up.”

Steve just nodded.

What was the point of feigning ignorance now?

“You were best friends. And I got in the middle of you two because I hurt her.”

Steve nodded again.

Bucky rubbed his face. “What did I do, Steve?”

“You just…You need to talk to her, Bucky.”

—————————

Y/N hadn’t left her bed in 36 hours. 

The blinds were down, so she didn’t even know if it was night or day outside. She was in her oversized black sweatshirt with the hood up, ignoring the fact that it was Bucky’s – whether he remembered that or not.

There was a knock on the door.

She assumed it was Nat or Sam bringing her something to eat or drink.

Y/N had made it clear that she wanted to be alone. Even stubborn and insistent Tony finally listened and gave her the space.

Y/N slowly made her way to the door, imagining she probably looks like a zombie.

But it wasn’t Sam or Nat on the other side of the door.

Bucky was patiently waiting.

“What are you doing here?” She whispered.

“I came to check on you.”

“I’m fine,” she lied.

“Can I…I just need…” Bucky stuttered through what he was trying to ask. “Fuck it,” he finally muttered before pulling Y/N into his arms.

He expected her to yell at him or shove him away.

But Y/N just let him pull her into his arms. She even gripped him tightly.

When he pulled away, Y/N was crying.

Embarrassed, she stepped away and quickly tried to wipe away the tears.

“Come here, doll.” Bucky whispered and pulled her back into his arms.

Once again, she didn’t fight him.

30 minutes later, they were sitting on the couch of Y/N’s room. There was food half touched on the coffee table and Y/N was holding a glass of vodka on the rocks, compliments of Natasha. She’d stopped by with food and alcohol for her, surprised to find Bucky in her room.

Nat had given Y/N a silent look that asked, “Want me to get rid of him?”

But Y/N had merely shook her head.

Bucky didn’t ask any questions. The silence in the room didn’t make him uncomfortable. He just waited, let Y/N make the first move.

“You used to love me,” Y/N mumbled.

Bucky immediately wanted to correct her, but he knew this wasn’t his time to talk.

“We were together for…for over 3 years. In the beginning, we tried to keep it a secret.” She laughed darkly. “Between Nat and Clint, you can imagine how long that lasted.”

She took a sip of vodka.

“There was a new threat from Hydra. Nothing out of the ordinary. Just them showing up on the maps again. You had a confrontation with them, but you never told me what happened.” She swallowed. “It…panicked you.” Her eyes glazed over as the memory washed over her. “You started getting bad nightmares again. Your PTSD got worse. There was a night where you – I shouldn’t have woken you up the way I did.”

But she didn’t go into more detail.

Bucky could figure out what happened.

“You wouldn’t even let yourself sleep after that. You were exhausted and irritable. You started putting distance between us. You wouldn’t sleep in the same room as me. You wouldn’t even talk me anymore.”

A single tear fell down Y/N’s cheek and she wiped it away as she sniffled. “Then you…uhh… you broke up with me. You said you didn’t love me anymore. Said you might never have. You claimed you didn’t think you were even capable of love after the mess Hydra had made of your mind.”

Y/N cleared her throat as if it would also clear away all the emotions that escaped.

“That was 2 months before you took that hit and lost your memories.”

“Y/N, I–”

“I don’t want you to say anything,” Y/N cut him off. But it wasn’t a command from her abilities. “Please, just…I can’t hear it.”

Bucky was torn.

“You don’t remember me. You don’t remember us. So whatever you’re about to say…it doesn’t matter.”

Bucky took in a deep breath. “Do you want me to leave?”

Y/N nodded.

——————————

“I broke up with her to keep her safe,” Bucky thought aloud to Steve.

He hunted down his best friend after Y/N told him everything. There was nothing to stop Steve from giving his side of the story now.

Steve nodded.

“I did love her. I lied so she wouldn’t fight for me. I broke her heart so she would hate me.”

“Yeah, Buck.”

Bucky put his face in his hands.

“It was some Hydra agent. He didn’t have anything on you. All he had to do was say Y/N’s name and you lost it. You were convinced they’d come after her because of you. No matter what any of us said, you wouldn’t listen.”

Steve stared into his eyes. “You really loved her, Buck. I’ve never seen someone make you so happy. You started smiling and laughing – it was constant.”

“I still love her,” Bucky replied instantly. “I can’t…I can’t remember. But I swear, Steve, I can still feel it. That first time I saw her, I just had this feeling that I’ve never remembered having before.”

“You saw her,” Steve told him. “When she was invisible to so many people, it was the opposite for you. Like she was the only woman you could see.” Steve smirked then. “She didn’t make it easy for you. At the beginning, she pushed you away more than she let you in.” Then Steve’s smirk disappeared. “That’s why you hurt her so badly. She’d been waiting for the floor to drop out from underneath her for so long…and then you were the one to push her down.”

“You broke her heart,” Steve declared quietly.

Bucky nodded, already having figured out that was exactly what happened.

“And you two?” He asked Steve.

“I tried to stop it. I tried to tell her what was going through your head, that you hadn’t meant what you said. But she wouldn’t listen. And I wouldn’t stop. So, she pushed me away. Stopped talking to me. Would leave a room any time I walked into it. I guess just seeing me reminded her of you.”

Not only did Bucky rip himself out of her life, he unintentionally ripped Steve away too.

“When I told her what happened to you, that you didn’t remember her…she said it was for the best. She thought things would be easier that way.”

“We all tried to push you two back towards each other. But Y/N wasn’t having any of it.”

Steve sighed. “She’s scared. I know that now. She doesn’t want to get her heart broken again. She just figures the exact same thing would happen all over again.”

---------------------

Part 3

Honestly, first part had the lowest amount comments/reblogs of any story I’ve ever written. I’m assuming because I put that it was Tall!Reader. Writers can describe the reader as petite and short, and get away with it. But I guess people draw the line at the reader being tall. 🙄😑

[i-need-air]

Bakugou Katsuki x F!Reader – Man on a mission.

Summary: Reader is an exchange student at UA, althought she could only stay one year. This is the journey and separation. What would Bakugou do once he realizes the girl he loves leaves? Could be angsty, but I promise a happy ending. 

Word count: ~3k.

When they first met neither of them cared about each other. The girl, too focused in eating the world and showing everyone her worth, barely gave him a glance the first day of school. Having transferred from the most prestigious American School for the year, working so, so hard to get there through a scholarship, [Y/N] was ready to kick ass, take names, get mediocre grades in Japanese History and get the attention of the top heroes of the world for her next internship. So, they just didn't care about each other.

But over time, as she got close to people in the 2-A class, even 2-B, her attitude and determination caught his attention. At first the girl pissed him off, being just an extra that will disappear in a year and will never see again, yet why was he staring so much? How come his eyes followed her figure as she walked away with Round-Face? How come he focused his attention on her too adorable giggle as dumbass Kaminari tried and failed miserably to flirt with her. And how come his friend pissed him off when he did that anyway? Oh, and let's not talk about how he never ever looked at her train, obviously not admiring her moves, her quirk, that look in her eyes. How he tried so fucking hard to not smile when she messed up a Japanese word and asked anyone around her how to pronounce it, giving no shits and only caring about getting better. He definitely didn't care about how she complimented his food that one time and Bakugou, the snake that he is, somehow manipulated Mina into convincing [Y/N] to cook with them, neither girls noticing him puppeteering the whole situation. So the [h/c] girl ended being part of the Bakusquad in record time, cooking and studying started to be a norm to do together. He didn't care that he got a whole zoo on crack in his stomach as she taught him how to cook food from her home-country or how good she smelled when she leaned closer to his frame, both sitting in his room, books spread around them as she questioned something about grammar. He definitely didn't lose his breath when she casually asked him if she could call him Katsuki, earning a grunt and a Do what you want. from the boy, ears flushed.

But Bakugou was hesitant. Of course he was, she was going to leave at the end of the year yet after the first internships started he realized that he's gonna miss that giggle. Her everything actually. And maybe they'll never see each other again. The boy had his own goals, he wanted to reach number one, he wanted to be the best. Was she a distraction? Because he never considered her one, daring to say he's more driven now... Was it a stretch to consider her made for him? Because that's what he thought all the time and these feelings were eating him alive. In a cool manner, he still had to maintain his reputation, excuse you.

[Y/N] [L/N] had a crush. A big crush on a rather abrasive young man. The moment she realized an overwhelming feeling engulfed her, taking away the very needed sleep as the following day she'd intern with the Hawks. Yet getting zero sleep that night, reality slapped her so hard she didn't even feel fatigue for 36 hours afterwards.

Bakugou Katsuki stole her heart and it was doomed for heartbreak. So separation and moving on was the plan.

Although it seemed like something went over her head. She fell in love with a stubborn motherfucker, yet neither of them knew at the time the lengths he'd go just to be together.

After some time of avoiding each other everything felt wrong. Studying wasn't the same, food didn't taste as good as before when she wasn't half moaning half praising his efforts, her cute way of pronouncing things actually turned into a good accent and even if a time came for the girl to ask for correction, [Y/N] decided to ask anyone else but him. Both were getting stronger separately, finding other training partners and things started to slowly go back to what it was at the beginning of the year, leaving a sour taste in Bakugou's mouth. How come she stole his heart? And how come now she was breaking it without noticing?

And here they were, together sitting outside their living quarters, just staring at the darkening skies, both lost in thought. Once strangers turned into friends and now back at the beginning. Yet the air was calm as it always was between them, like old friends meeting after years of not seeing each other even when they met every day.

"I'm gonna miss this place..." she muttered, gulping down the uneasiness rising in her throat. One more month and she'd leave. One more month and whatever they had would be erased forever. "I'm gonna miss you..." she whispered, deciding it was the time to take this burden off her chest once and for all. For herself, her well being, to explain her shitty attitude although his wasn't better. "I'm... I'm gonna miss your stupid face..." came out in another whisper, lips trembling as she avoided his eyes but when she heard a broken chuckle, strained and forced, her eyes snapped towards him.

His palm was covering his eyes, heart in his throat, not believing that everything lead to this moment.

"You spent too much time with me, dumbass." she blinked stupidity, precious orbs watching him carefully not even trying to hide the shine of tears appearing. "You sound like me now." she chucked too, bitter and quiet.

"I didn't spent enough time..."

And everything just turned back to what they had. As when they were alone in one of their rooms, sharing stories, watching movies, listening to music, each doing their own thing in harmony. So they talked, curfew approaching rapidly but there were many things unsaid. There was no clear confession but her little moment of truth opened a door that has been closed for both of them for a long time now. Actually... Not only the door, all the windows and doors were now wide opened, barricades and walls demolished down and everything flowed naturally. Who would've thought? Katsuki told himself while walking her to her door. He was soft, he has forgiven her in an instant for all the zig-zagging around him, feeling relieved since he felt guilt for doing the same. The stupid dancing around somehow ended when they reached her room, silence filling the air.

"You're a dumbass..." he said yet didn't know if it was thrown to [Y/N] or to himself. The rich laugh earned from her made him smirk. God, how much he missed it.

"You're the one to talk?" she pushed his shoulder gently, yet for the love of god, none knew what the fuck this conversation was really about. Before she could retreat the hand thought, he grabbed it, palms sweaty, fingers surprisingly gentle.

"[Y/N]." he responded, that zoo on crack in his stomach seemed to take life again. They didn't have much time anymore.

No verbal confession was made that night, both scared, terrified of voicing out anything that would instantly throw them back towards their concerns. Yet the sweet, slow kiss they shared got imprinted in their memories forever.

Her third year passed rather quickly, yet this time she was more glued to the phone. Many of her old friends noticed, inquiring who was the boy that she was talking to so much, all in teasing manner, none noticing how her lips would flatten and her expression fell for one second before answering back in a similarly teasing way too. Training, studying, going out with friends but never looking at another guy the way she looked at Bakugou Katsuki. Time flew while they both found a way to stay in touch, as limited as it was through the time zones and goals they individually had to reach.

Memories of their last month reconnecting and stepping up into a new world together, almost together but not official, sneaky kisses stolen from time to time, teasing each other but always with a hint of uncertainty, hugs that lasted a little bit too much yet none caring, cuddles and whispers when alone. But nothing else. Oh, how she regretted it. Not kissing him harder, not hugging him longer. Not telling him clearly that she loved him. Not crying when they parted ways because she sure as hell felt like doing so. They only promised to stay in touch when finally getting a time alone on that last fateful day. Being surrounded by her new friends crying around her, saying their goodbyes and promises of meeting somehow someday. That's when he snatched her for their final time alone. That's when she told him to not forget about them, yet again, never addressing their feelings. And he grunted at her, stoic, constipated looking, a face she'd normally make fun of if it weren't for the gravity of the situation.

But they messaged at odd times, they'd create inside jokes and they'd talk on the phone, his voice always doing things to her.

"I've seen the fight, you were amazing!" she said while carefully picking his face in the voice call, re-learning his expressions, remembering caressing the same cheekbones that now were bruised after a big fight in his internship with Endeavor that could all be seen online.

"Course I was, woman." he said, small yet boyish grin on his face. [Y/N] wanted to laugh, tease and be normal around him in this limited time together but Jirou's words stopped her.

"It's insane. The Bakugou Katsuki has a fan-base now! Like... Girls confess to him every week, he gets love letters! Kirishima makes fun of him but we all know he's jealous–"

Keeping in contact with the people from UA was a blessing and a curse, the latter because of those words. He changed so much, people were starting to see him for what he really was and a selfish voice inside of her was screaming that only her could know this side of him. And at the same time feeling she'd never deserve him.

Without being able to bite her tongue, she inquired.

"So I heard you have fangirls now." bright smile way too shiny, her discomfort was so obvious even through the screen.

"Hah?" was his only answer, leaning closer to his Webcam with a frown.

"A little birdie told me." she shrugged, playing it cool, perfectly knowing she'd never be able to play anything cool to save her life.

"And who gives a shit 'bout that?" I do... almost was her reply. But no, she had to squeeze her own heart and milk the pain out of it.

"I mean, haven't you thought about it?"

"Think about what?" he rasped rather angrily.

"You know, having a girlfriend and so on...?"

"What...?" his disbelief clear on his face, suddenly morphing into anger, now clear and raw. "What the fuck are you even saying, [Y/N]!?" he shouted, breathing heavily. "Are you trying to tell me somethin'? Cuz if you are, you better say it clearly!"

"I–" I'm jealous, you deserve someone by your side, I love you. Please, don't look at someone else. Please, don't kiss someone else... Please, be mine.

"Yano what, I'm done for today, fuck off, will ya?" and with a growl, he finished the call.

The promise she made herself about not crying was slowly breaking, her reflection in the now dark computer screen showing her idiotic self about to burst in tears but she clearly didn't reach that point when an incoming call interrupted her self pity.

"Like fucking shit I'd let go of what we have, dumb woman." is all she needed to hear that day and she did.

"So it seems I need to work a year in America before I could have a contract with any other Hero Agency. Hawks made it clear that he wants me back as his side-kick with Tokoyami but..." It hurt, stupid laws and contracts and scholarships and feelings. Stupid life and stupid everything.

"Only a year, huh?" he said on the other side of the line.

Looking for a roommate was tough. Wanting to put an ease on her rent and to save money for a future she was starting to see more clearly, the woman had some interviews with some potential roomies but none were convincing. Maybe she was picky, but she got this apartment first, picked the best room and her landlady gave her full permission to pick anyone for her. Which was a blessing, really.

So the cat girl with 4 cats was an option. The guy that eyed her a little bit too much was out of the equation. There was another guy scheduled to come see the apartment that afternoon and, the best part, she was getting a package from Katsuki. He offered, actually. Said something about new house gift, brushing it off casually with his trademark snide remark about how he'd send her some cleaning shit. What an asshole, but hell, even if he did send her cleaning products, she'd cry out of happiness.

The guy talked to her through messages, asking basic questions and nothing more. Time to give another tour and talk about rent was coming yet she silently decided to give this guy a nice brief chat, throw him out and look for a girl roommate, even if Bakugou said it didn't matter and should interview both. "You know, to get it over with." little voice still screaming she'd mind if he had a woman as a roomie, but then again, they were nothing...

As 3 P.M. approached, she got a message.

From [Random dude #2 David]:

"I'll be late, hope you don't mind."

Of fucking course he was going to be late. The first impression? Annoying. What if she had things to do? Like wait for a package and then call Katsuki to open it with him there. Random David was pissing her off already.

Half an hour later the doorbell interrupted her thoughts as she stared blankly at her phone. The last messages she sent her... friend didn't actually reach him. And it's been 10 hours? Maybe he was called on a mission. But already? Endeavor surely didn't waste time, huh?

With a sigh she opened the door, ready to greet Random David when her eyes landed on a suitcase in front of her door. Her ears perked at the sound of another suitcase rolling towards her door, basically making her freak out because Random David was definitely not going to live with her now. And slowly, a guy came in her field of vision and the world stopped functioning.

Bakugou Katsuki, with a box over one of his shoulders and as she guessed, another suitcase in hand, reached her door, elevator ding snapping her out of her... uh... dream? Fantasy? Back shirt, dark jeans, messy hair and The Look™ he always had for her.

"Well, I'm here to look at the apartment." he grinned, about to burst into an ugly laughter at her dumb face. Everything until this point was worth it because that face? That face was all he needed. Yeah, the dumb mouth opening and closing, eyes big as plates, frozen in place.

"If you..." she muttered. "If you fucking tell me you're David, I will end you..."

"Ya better not call me that, woman." he said, taking a step towards her, putting the baggages down.

"Are you really here...?"

"What does it look like, huh? Now let me in, I need to sit down, I fucking hate long flights."

Rushing him in, hands trembling, words stuttering, [Y/N] [L/N] was in awe at the man in front of her. She knew, she definitely knew he was absolutely amused by her reaction but there was no helping it.

"You're here..." pulling him inside by his hand, it was so warm, just as always. "Holy shit, you're here."

"Aha, but don't get used to it, woman." he said, leaving the suitcases behind him, arms just wrapping loosely around her waist.

"Huh?" he touched her face, the scent of nitroglycerin invading her nostrils. Same scent she missed so much in the past year.

"Only for a year, then I'm taking you back home with me, understood?"

Although she didn't reply, she couldn't, as she only pulled the collar of his shirt towards her, ready to make up for all the time they threw away. So their lips met and their new life started.

Endeavor worked closely with various hero agencies in America and Bakugou Katsuki asked to be sent there for a year, or more so demanded, leaving the older man speechless. Yet with a single word from Shouto, everything was set running and Bakugou knew he'd have yo return the favor to Icy-Hot someday, but for now she was all that mattered. So when he helped her apartment hunt (even long distance), when he told her to look into this or that Hero agencies (knowing they'd work close to his), when he'd tell her to not mind male roommates (even if he minded, he minded very much), it was all towards the surprise for her.

Bakugou Katsuki was a man on a mission and he realized that in his third year at UA. He was going to be number one. He was going to be the best hero ever. And he was going to have [Y/N] by his side. Always.

Notes: I'm leaving this here since idk man, I had too much coffee and wrote this without blinking. Correlation with the notes? Don't question it. Anyway!! Pretty please, tell me what you thought of it and if anyone here knows how to add the Read More mark on phone, I'd greatly appreciate it if you'd explained me how. I'm way too old for this, I swear, lmfao. Thank you for reading, seriously. Hope you enjoyed and have a great day! ♥

[coffee--writes]

ᴏʙʟɪᴠɪᴀᴛᴇ- ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ

•cover by @pcseidcnsvoid•

•beta reader: @yourssuccubus•

Series Masterlist

➛ Remus Lupin x Reader Series

➛ Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU

What if there was a way to forget someone who hurt you? Erase all memory of them from your mind, never to trouble you again. Would you take it? Y/N L/N and Remus Lupin’s relationship had always been an odd one that slowly escalated downhill ending in a catastrophic mess. So the two decide to erase each other from their minds, relieving themselves of the emotional damage done. But what if you decide that you don’t want to erase Remus… in the middle of being obliviated.

Word Count: 1.7k 

Warnings: Language

Your eyes flutter open. 

Bright lights singed your eyes. When your vision refocused you immediately recognized the pale blue walls of the Shackers building. The room you were in was familiar to you. A desk cluttered with papers and a bookshelf filled with textbooks. The examination office. The reason for being in the room confused you. What was happening? You were positive the process wasn’t done, so what was going on? You turned around and a shocked gasp left your lips.

You were staring at yourself. 

There you sat in the same chair you had sat in earlier. The medi-wizard stood beside you, her wand pointed at your head. A small item sat in front of you, your favorite mug from Remus. The medi-wizard’s wand lit up a light pink and your eyes widened. “What’s going on?” the you in the chair asked. 

“We’re recording your reaction to Mr. Lupin’s objects. It helps us track where he is in your mind.” the medi-wizard replies kindly. 

Your mind rushed with confusion. Why were you watching yourself? The medi-wizard had already shown you the object. What you were watching had already happened to you a mere few hours ago. A voice echoed around you. It was ringing in your ears. The words were barely audible but by the sweet tone you could tell it was the lady who had come to your apartment to perform the procedure.

Slowly the voice seemed to fade. Scared, you followed it, pushing the door of the office open. The minute you did so you found yourself walking straight into Remus’s flat. It’s walls lined with books. The typewriter still sat in the corner. No clutter was to be seen and the flat kept its usual clean aura to it. 

You spotted Remus on an armchair, a book inches from his nose. His lips were a thin line and his expression somewhat miserable. A mug sat next to his seat, filled to the rim with lavender tea. A maroon sweater cloaked his figure and his face was pale and littered with a few scars. That’s when you realized what you had stumbled upon. 

This was the last time you had seen Remus. 

The ghost you. No, you would say memory you, walked into the living room. The tension between you and Remus was thick. Remus didn’t even look up from his book when you entered, one of his books in your hand and a tune being hummed from your lips. Memory you took a seat by the window, the stars shining dimly through the curtains. 

“Stop humming.” Remus snapped, his eyes yet to leave the pages of the book. 

“Why?” you scoff, “I left my Walkman at my flat.” 

“You can go one goddamn day without music.” Remus replied harshly, flipping the page of his book with a scrape. 

You open his book, folding it in half, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” 

Remus huffed a frustrated sigh, “You’re being annoying. I mean look at you! Humming that stupid song by the Rolling Stones for the fifth time today. Folding my book in half! You’re going to curl the pages.” 

You let out another scoff, “Oh for fuck’s sake, Remus. It’s a book and it’s meant to be read and I could read it how I like.” you pull a pen from the drawer that was beside you. “Well shit. Now you’re writing in them. Come on, Y/N!” 

You groan in anger, “I’m sorry, honey. I just have a whole project to do for work. Don’t mind me keeping some notes in your precious book.” 

Remus closes his book, running his hand through his hair. “There’s literally a pad of paper in front of you. Use that instead for Merlin’s sake!” 

You watch you and Remus bickering. As you relived the argument, a pain stabbed at your heart. However, instead of the sadness that usually resurfaced when you thought of Remus, a bitter anger replaced it. His words were cruel and vividly unlike him. He shouldn’t have yelled and you sure as hell shouldn’t have let him. 

“What is it Remus? Why the hell is everything I’m doing bothering you?  Full moon coming up?” 

You cringe at your own words. It was a low blow for you, using Remus’s lycanthropy against him. Self-hatred at your words bubbled in your mind. Remus’s face contorted into a bitter scowl. “You know what, yeah. A full moon is coming up. And guess who forgot to brew me Wolfsbane?”

You freeze, “How many times do I have to apologize? It was one time! That doesn’t give you an excuse to be an asshole.” 

Remus’s eyes burned with a rage filled passion, “At least I have an excuse. What’s your excuse for acting like a bitch?”

His words that day had rung in your head for the days following that argument. You watch as the memory of you freezes. Remus’s face drops as the realization of his words hit him. However, it was already too late. You had already apparated out of the flat. The memory of you was gone and all that was left was Remus. His face dropped in awe at his own actions. Tears stinging in his eyes. Rage still boiled in your blood. Impulsively, you yelled out, “Fuck you, Remus. Fuck you.” 

You jumped when Remus responded, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Y/N.” he stuttered, sobs filling his lungs, “I’m sorry. We can work this out.” 

Confused as to how he could hear you, you fight back, “No. I’m having you erased. Just like you did to me. Fuck you!” 

There was no response to your words. Remus grabbed a couple of belongings from his chair, tears still brimming in his eyes as he swung open the door, slamming it behind him. You follow instinctively, heading to open the door. But right as you open it, Remus was gone. 

You entered your flat this time. Remus and you sat hovered over a table. Both of you staring at a large poster; letters from the newspaper cut out to spell “Lycanthropy”. You remembered that moment vividly. It was Remus’s first major project; a presentation on lycanthropy for the children at Hogwarts. A notable cause, you had told him. Educating kids on werewolves was an important matter to both of you. The poster was only the beginning. 

Your flat was a mess. Newspaper pieces and shreds scattered on the floor. Ink stained papers thrown across the table and floor. Book upon book on lycanthropy stacked three feet high. You watched the memory sadly, neither of you spoke. This was when it had gotten bad. The arguments became more frequent, the sleep less cozy, and the love slowly disappearing from view. 

You watched as Remus tapped the poster with his wand, the letters dancing about the poster. You chuckled softly, a small smile on both your lips. Looking at yourself ached you. Each little smile you observed, watching as your relationship crumbled into tiny pieces. It was simply unbearable; that in order to truly forget about Remus you had to relive all the pain. 

You just wanted the pain to end. 

The memory seemed to slowly fade. Your ability to discern what was going on fading. The last thing you saw was you tap your wand on the page and a flood of light hitting the poster. 

>>><<<

Your vision narrowed back in. The sun hitting your eyes, making the little details of the new memory clear. You stood on a sidewalk, the streets slightly crowded with people. You spun around, looking for where Remus would be. Where the memory was going to take place. 

“Rem! Rem! Guess what!” 

Your voice is loud and clear. You turn around, the memory beginning. There were you and Remus, hand in hand, walking down the street. A smile on both your faces as you walked. You trailed the two lovers in the memory, the conversation ringing through your ears. 

“What is it, Y/N/N?” he asks, a slight chuckle leaving his lips. 

The smile on your face grew big as you spoke to him, “My boss has offered me a promotion! I could be making so much more money then I am right now. The job would be everything I’ve worked hard for and dreamed of. Isn’t that amazing?” 

“Wow!” Remus smiled, “Congratulations, Y/N/N. That’s awesome.” 

You watched yourself nod, remembering the happiness that had filled your heart when you had found out about the opportunity. The pride and triumph that exploded in your mind. The thought that each day’s hard work had gotten you to that moment. The moment where you could finally get what you dreamed of. But then sadness and bitterness bit away at the once joyous feeling; remembering what happened after that moment. 

You had never taken the job. 

“Yeah. I mean I’d have to spend six months in Ireland but-” 

Remus stopped mid-stride. His eyes widening, “Wait… Ireland? Y/N that’s really far. And for six months?” 

You had stopped, turning to him with a confused look in your eyes but a smile still lingering on your lips, “Well, yeah. I mean you could always come with me. It would be nice to get out of London, leave England. It’s also for my job. I have to go if I want the promotion.” 

Remus bit his lip, huffing before looking you in the eye, “Y/N/N, I don’t want to leave London.” 

You scoffed, a scowl forming on your face, “Well, it’s not really your decision. You don’t have to come if you don’t want to. I just figured you’d be happy for me. That maybe you’d come.” 

Remus’s face grew red, anger clouding his eyes, “Not come? Y/N, you’d be in Ireland. What do you want me to do? Send you some owl post and act like we’re in a relationship?” 

You raised your voice, “What the fuck? Look, all I asked is if you would come with me. This is my job for fucks sake! You’re not even considering it and that makes you downright selfish, Remus. You’re acting like a selfish bastard!” 

“It’s you who’s being selfish. You expect me to just drop everything and leave with you to another country?” 

“If you loved me, you would!” 

You clenched your eyes shut, pressing your hands to your ears. You couldn’t bear to listen to the shouts anymore. The pain was too much. You just wanted it to be over. The shouting, the constant screaming. You pleaded for it to end. 

And then the voices faded. 

And then there was silence. 

>>><<<

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[bibislut]

A Girl Walks Into A Tower

After finding out her best friend is actually Spider Man, Leena's whole world changes. Enter: a meddlesome billionaire, some flirty super soldiers, and one (1) stubborn God of Mischief. Throw in a real need for better communication, a game of spin the bottle and a whole load of banter - and you'll have yourself a real good time at Stark Tower.

Also known as Loki is hella sexy, hella moody and really freakin' stubborn. Featuring: Peter Parker being the cutest, Sam Wilson being a cheeky bitch and a little bit of being a bad ass on the reader's part.

This work has explicit language, sexual content and some mentions of blood / violence, so please take this into consideration before reading!

Word Count: 19,260

Read on Ao3

Chapter 1

You couldn't help but close your eyes as you took the stairs up to your apartment by memory. You'd lived here for nearly a decade now, and the 9 flights' every creak and whine were ingrained in your memory by now, and the 10 hour shift you'd just done could be felt in every muscle: you couldn't help but rest your eyes for a moment.

You finally reached your landing and opened your eyes only to find Peter Parker dozing against your door frame, dried blood staining his skin from his hairline to his eye. The seventeen year old often came to you for a stitch up, not wanting to frighten his Aunt with his injuries. You frowned down at his snoring form and hitched your bag better on your shoulder, crouching down to place your hand on his cheek. "Peter." you whispered, not wanting to startle him. The teenager opened his eyes with a dopey smile.

"Hey, Lele."

"Hey idiot, let's get you inside." You couldn't help but return his warm smile as he shrugged off your attempt to help him up - you always forgot how strong he was. You pulled your keys from out of your pocket and opened the door. Dropping your bag to the floor, you flicked on the lights and shut the door behind Peter, watching him limp to your kitchen table.

"What happened this time?" you asked as you rolled up your sleeves and washed your hands. You reached for a flannel from the bottom drawer and ran it under the hot water.

"Just some kids from school."

Even though you couldn't see his face, you knew the teenager would be picking at his lips like he did every time he lied. You knew he'd never tell you what really went on before he turned up to your apartment - he never did. You rung out the cloth.

"I swear to God Peter, if I come home one day to find you dead on my doorstep, I will resurrect you just to kill you myself." You couldn't help the motherly tone that clipped your words, despite only having a few years on the boy. Peter winced both at your words and at the pressure you applied as you wiped away the blood. As you cleaned the wound, you were relieved to see that it wouldn't need stitches, but there was a good chance it would scar. You frowned.

"I know, I know! I'm sorry Leena..." He surged forwards to wrap you in a tight hug and you sighed into his hair. You'd known him since he was 6 and you were practically family now. His uncle and your dad had died the same year, your mom joining them a few years ago. You'd always looked after each other, silently vowing protection over the other with each funeral attended. A loud banging at the door pulled you both apart, and you looked at each other in silence as you went to the drawers and pulled out your handgun, Peter walking into the shadows as was protocol (though you had never had to follow it before).

You were a good shot, but Peter was much more quiet and agile - a surprise attack suited him well. You don't know when you'd both become so jumpy, perhaps it was when Aliens began ransacking the city in 2012, or when the murders on the news became more frequent, or when... It didn't really matter. The world was a shit storm, and you'd let hell freeze over before you let anyone you loved get hurt because you weren't prepared.

You looked through the peephole to see someone you most certainly would not have expected. You turned to whisper to the shadows where you knew Peter was. "It's Tony Stark!" Peter emerged quickly, pushing you out of the way to unlatch the door, leaving you gaping like a fish.

"Hey, Mr Stark!" He threw himself at the billionaire, wrapping his arms around him. The businessman-turned-superhero patted the boy's back. The dirt that covered Peter smeared across the obviously expensive navy suit, but neither seemed to care.

"Good to see you alive, kid. Friday said you had some injuries and when I looked on your suit tracker you weren't in your apartment." He pulled Peter back to stare at him sternly. "Care to explain?" You looked at the two of them in shock. Since when had Peter met Tony Stark? And since when had they become so obviously close? The worry etched across the philanthropist's face certainly seemed genuine enough.

Peter turned to look at you anxiously. "I was with Leena, I stopped a robbery a couple blocks away, but they must have got me because I was bleeding, so I came here. She does a great job of cleaning me up, and I didn't want to scare Aunt May, you know how she wo-" he babbled, looking between the two of you, but stopped as Tony made a 'zip it' motion. You frowned at Peter's words; since when did he stop robberies? You put the gun you forgot you had been holding in the waist pants of your jeans and stepped forwards, offering your hand, which was far steadier than you expected.

"I'm Leena, I've known Peter since we were kids."

Tony shakes your hand firmly. "Nice to meet you, Tony Stark." You look between the two of them as awkward silence begins to fill the air. You turn to gesture towards your apartment.

"Would you like to come in?" That was what you were supposed to do, right? Offer hospitality? You shook your head quickly to yourself. What the hell was going on?

You lead the way for the two guys, but put a hand on Peter's chest. "Go wash your hands before I catch you putting dirt in the wound I just cleaned." He offers you a salute as he turns down the corridor.

You make your way back to the kitchen to find Mr Stark lounging at the table in the spot where Peter had sat. "Tea or Coffee?" you ask. You wonder for a moment if the month old dollar brew in your cupboard is even worth offering.

"Coffee, black, one sugar." He offers you a thankful smile. You turn around and pull out three mugs, one tea, one coffee and one hot chocolate for Peter. "I bet cleaning up Mr Friendly-Neighborhood-Spider-Boy gets a bit tiring." The billionaire offers as a replacement for the silence. You stiffen, turning to stare at him.

"What?"

He curses under his breath “He didn't tell you?" The business mogul suddenly looks panicked - a glaring contrast to the confident man you'd seen on TV.

You snap your neck to look at the now-frozen Peter Parker standing in the doorway, a sheepish smile on his face.

"What the flying fuck, Peter?!"

***************

You woke the next day at noon, not as rested as you'd hoped after you'd spent most of last night arguing with Peter. You had to admit you were proud of him, and it did make a lot of sense now that you thought about it. His constant 'fights at school', how light on his feet he was, how agile, how strong he was. You were kind of pissed that you hadn't figured it out before to be honest. You had had a hard time believing it all, but once Peter pulled his suit from his stash behind the couch, you didn't really have a choice but to accept the truth. Tony Stark had also been quite nice to talk to, and the way he treated Peter as his own was so great to see. He'd always needed a father figure. Tony had watched the two of you with rapt interest, seemingly pleased to meet someone so close to Peter. After a while Peter fell asleep on the couch, his head on your shoulder and you and Tony had mouthed your goodbyes. He'd woken up about an hour later and you gave him a hug as he climbed through your window to sneak back to his own apartment.

You sat up and stretched, stifling a yawn as you padded down the hall to the kitchen. A big yellow envelope hung from your letter box and you grabbed it curiously.

EVICTION NOTICE!

"Shit!" You cursed loudly, tearing it open. You knew the landlord was a slimy bastard, but you couldn't believe he was kicking you out. He was a selfish layabout and owned a few of the apartments in the building, yours being the nicest and largest. Knowing him, he probably wanted it so he could move in with his new girlfriend. Of course, he didn't say that in the notice, only that you had two weeks to pack your things and go.

*****

You'd spent the whole day at work lost in your thoughts, barely noticing the caffeine crazed customers around you.You didn't have enough saved to move anywhere decent, yet alone pay the first month's rent upfront as most landlords wanted. You couldn't move in with family - they were all dead or on the other side of the country. You didn't really have any close friends, only your work colleagues. That left Peter's place - but you knew they didn't have a spare room and you certainly couldn't squish everything you had into their living room.

You were still racking your brains by the time the last customer left the coffee shop at 9.55PM, and you hurried to wash their cup and sweep up, locking up and leaving. You trudged through the bitter cold of late-October the five blocks back to your building, bumping into the spider-boy himself in the foyer. You began walking up the stairs together, but found Peter frowning at you as you realized he'd asked you a question. You blinked at him.

"What?"

"You alright Lele? You seem distracted."

You pushed your hair out of your face with a grimace. "I'm being evicted."

It was Peter's turn to blink at you. "What?"

"That bozo, Ethan, is kicking me out." You tried to keep the childlike petulance out of your voice but failed miserably.

"Oh, shit. What are you gonna do?" You hated to be the reason for Peter's worried expression.

"I don't know. I'll figure something out though Pete, I always do." You kissed him on the cheek and patted him on the arm as you reached your perspective doors. "Goodnight, Pete."

Friday was usually games night, but he seemed to understand your lack of excitement without you having to explain. You threw him a grateful look and went your separate ways.

Read the rest on Ao3

[sadoeuphemist]

YouTube Rewind 2028: Back From The Brink | #YouTubeRewind

unpossiblr 4 years ago

Is anyone else still out there? I figure I should post this here because, well, youtube’s still running, isn’t it? There’s got to be someone out there, the engineers or technicians or whatever, whoever you are who’s seeing this. This is crazy, all the lights on, all the videos still playing, and yet it’s so quiet. The trending bar’s on the fritz, I think. Videos with zero views surfacing over and over again, the last ones uploaded before the end. I haven’t watched any of them. I don’t want to. But I’m alive. I don’t know why I’m still alive but I am. And you’re alive too. Whoever’s reading this. Where are you? Please, just contact me somehow. I’ll be refreshing the comments on this video. If you’re out there just say something. I’m all alone. I’m scared.

unpossiblr 4 years ago 

hello? Is anyone else out there? Is anyone else seeing this? The servers have to be up, which means that there’s got to be someone maintaining them. I don’t know if you can see the screen, or if my comments here are just a blip of energy or a light going off or whatever, but you’ve got to see this. Anyone. Just a sign, anything. I’ve been exploring, and there’s no one, no one. I think we may be the only ones left.

unpossiblr 4 years ago

I’m still here.

unpossiblr 4 years ago

I’m still here, and you are too. Say something. Comment. Give me a goddamn like. Or dislike! Make the numbers change. Increment a counter somewhere. I’ve scavenged food. I have shelter. if we can meet up I can help you. Or if we can’t meet up, we can trade info, we can help each other.

We can not be so alone.

unpossiblr 3 years ago

I’m still here. I am leaving a mark. if anyone sees this in the future, contact me. I’m still listening.

unpossiblr 3 years ago

please

DOOMSDAY PREPPERS: 10 Urban Survival Hacks

unpossiblr 3 years ago

bookmarking for future use

A World Without People | Ahrman Dijkgraaf | TEDxKlagenfurt

unpossiblr 3 years ago

bookmark

POST-APOCALYPSE COOKING CHALLENGE |  Can we make something edible with canned CHEESE??

unpossiblr 3 years ago

bookmark

unpossiblr 3 years ago

fucking bullshit

ASMR MUKBANG with LEXIE | Spicy Noodle & Grilled Squid

unpossiblr 3 years ago

I guess I should be leaving comments on these videos, just in case someone else stumbles onto them? Leave a mark. This is a fucking terrible one to start on, but whatever. I haven’t seen anyone else in months, so what if I want to watch someone enjoying a goddamn meal? We eat together, me out of my cans and her in that nicely lit room with all the plates of food laid out so that i can almost smell them and her cute little chopsticks. What, you’re going to fucking judge me for that? Hell, bring it on. Judge me for it all you like, sure. It’ll be an icebreaker, at least.

North Tacoma County Instructional Video on Working with Energized Power Lines

unpossiblr 3 years ago 

I was here.

PTSD and Holistic Qi Gong Meditation Rituals for Recovery and Stress Reduction

unpossiblr 3 years ago

I was here.

The 10 Most Breathtaking Places In The World

unpossiblr 3 years ago

It’s here. It’s just all here. All the videos ever uploaded to youtube. Millions of them. Billions. Every place, every country in the world. All the people. No new videos, no new views but mine, and yet it’s all here, pristine, preserved, while everything else rots away. And as long as I can siphon enough gasoline to keep my generator running, it’s mine, all of it. Everything else has gone to shit. But not this. Not this.

Anti-War Hysteria EXPOSES Liberals’ Scorn For Human Resilience, They Don’t Think We Can Win

unpossiblr 3 years ago

you fucking piece of shit. How’d that chest-thumping go for you, huh? How’d you die? I hope you died scared shitless. I hope you watched all your family die before you, i hope you watched their skin melt away and while they were dying they knew it was your fault and that you couldn’t save them. Fuck you and every sub-literate hooting troglodyte fan of yours who took us right up to the brink and pushed us over

unpossiblr 3 years ago 

@catullus-rex fuck you

unpossiblr 3 years ago

@HorganWoosley how’d you die, huh? I hope it was painful. big guy, big tough guy. you weren’t immune to radiation, were you?

unpossiblr 3 years ago 

@ThatGuyWithTheTopHat did you remember making this comment when you died? Did it flash before your eyes? I hope it was the last thing you remembered, i hope it was all you could think about, what a miserable wrong idiot failure you were, how your entire life was a miserable example of humanity marching off a cliff

unpossiblr 3 years ago

@QD99419 go to hell

unpossiblr 3 years ago

@TheSkepticalGamer who’s alive now, huh? and you’re rotting. you’re dead. you’re meat. I hope you’re one of the bodies I had to drag out of the corridors with your eyeballs burned out like that. you’re stinking rotting meat

fuck you

fuck you all

Ruin Of The Stars - Part 127 | We Meet Our Maker (END)

unpossiblr 2 years ago

I’ve got to tell you man, I’ve watched maybe twenty different let’s plays of this by now, and you’re the only person I’ve ever seen to get the ‘apotheosis’ ending with Nadezhda. I didn’t even know it was possible. That’s the depth of this game, it’s such an underappreciated classic, that even in disintegrating systems of entropy it’s still possible to ‘save’ everyone, if only for a moment, if only in that split-second before you have to cut the tether and let go. That was some real emotion, man, and I’m glad I got to experience this with you. You should really check out wobbletuffet’s let’s play of this, it really diverges from yours, how she deals with the bush crawlers may surprise you!

PRO vs GRANDMA: Chicken Noodle Soup | The Yum Chums

unpossiblr 2 years ago

@jenny-garland lmao you’re right how’s anyone supposed to beat granny’s recipe!

unpossiblr 2 years ago 

@fobby-bray just like my nana used to make :)

Cozy Dinner for Two at an Italian Restaurant [ASMR]

unpossiblr 2 years ago 

My day was actually pretty good, thanks for asking. I found a new cache of canned goods, altho I had to fight off like a feral dog or something to get it. I don’t know what it was for sure, it’s hard to tell when their skin is sloughing off like that. Don’t know how they’re still alive, or how they survived when no one else did - Or maybe they’re not dogs at all, just something else ...

But sorry, yeah, I don’t want to get into work here. This place is lovely. The music, the atmosphere, the ... everything. I love it here. I love our date nights together. Mm. The food’s great. I love it here, just being with you.

unpossiblr 2 years ago

This is so stupid. I just keep coming back to this one video, to our date at Il Fresco, because I can see what’s happening. We’re running out of videos. There’s three more, and that’s it. That’s all you made. That’s all you ever uploaded when you were alive.

And - that’s it. I know you’re dead, I know everyone’s dead. And I could just start again, if I wanted, rewind to the beginning or pick and choose, relive those moments that have faded in my mind, because really they’re preserved forever now. They’re immortal. And I thought - there are millions of videos on youtube. Billions. More than I could ever watch in a lifetime. It’s a world, of which I could only ever experience the smallest part of it. And if I run out of someone’s uploads, well - people die. People die in real life. They are dead in real life. And all I can do is know them, the smallest part of them, for a little while. While they’re here. While it lasts. And I thought - it’s all the videos on youtube. More than I could ever watch. And I really thought I’d be all right.

But there are three videos left, Lexie. And I keep looking at them, the last three, the last three there’ll ever be. And I’m terrified you’re going to die, Lexie. And i don’t know what to do.

Spa Date! [ASMR]

unpossiblr 2 years ago

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I did this. Lexie, you’re dead. And you could have lived forever, all of you, preserved together somehow in this beautiful hall of mirrors that never dies or fades, but I kept watching. It’s the last video you ever made. Will ever make. And you’re dead for real now. Dead for good. Never coming back. I’m sorry. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m sorry Lexie. RIP. Rest in peace. Rest in peace. Rest in peace.

this is the END OF THE WORLD as in Revelations pray for us pray for all humanity

unpossiblr 1 year ago

god why did i watch this. i’m sorry. i’m so sorry.

Are We In Hell? // Ask a Satanist

unpossiblr 11 months ago

bookmark

Awww - So Adorable! ♡ Fun and Happy Cutest Baby Animal Compilations of 2028 ♡ | Cute Baby Animals #3

unpossiblr 8 months ago

bookmark

Radiation Poisoning: Symptoms, Causes, Diagnosis, Treatment

unpossiblr 5 months ago

oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck ohfuckohfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

fuck me

fuck

Parents and Children React(TM) to Make-A-Wish (Kids with life-threatening illnesses)

unpossiblr 5 months ago

it’ll be okay

it’s just one moment of carelessness, all these fucking years alone and I fuck up once, but it’ll be okay

look how stupid this is and ludicrous and beautiful. it’s a miracle. that everything else died and Youtube, Youtube of all things survived. inexplicably. for no reason. just like me.

and now I’m dying and this is humanity, you know? Youtube. All of it. all that’s left. millions, billions of videos, maybe longer than the lifetime of human civilization, all stacked end to end. more than I could see. more than I could have ever seen. and now I’m throwing up on myself constantly and i can’t eat and my teeth are falling out and i’m going to die and be the worms in the earth, and there’ll just be all these stupid beautiful ludicrous videos playing forever, as a monument to humanity.

it’s okay. we survived. it’s a fucking miracle, but here we are

here we are. all of us. yes.

lofi hip hop radio - beats to sleep/relax to

unpossiblr 5 months ago

can’t even get out of bed anymore. vision’s blurring. it’s okay. it’s okay. just go to sleep and never wake up.

it’s fine, you know that? it’s fine. they’re all immortal, all of them, lexie and maximillian beers and goofyfruit and the yum chums and bombadour and the kids and their parents and grandma with her chicken noodle soup and all of them, everyone i ever loved, all the videos flickering cheerily through their windowed screens

it’s like the world never ended. and i mean that. it almost is. i can loll my neck around and look at the shadows creeping up on the wall and pretend im in my room with my computer and outside the room everything’s going on as normal, has been, for these past four years. they’re still making asmr videos and eating korean bbq and playing video games and building new machines and cooking and having kids and moving to their new studios and living their lives, and i was around for a little while to witness it

the world never ended, you know? it’s just me all alone in here as it gets dark, and everyone, everywhere else.

👍 1

[torivikachu]

I was just listening to Hamilton AGAIN - yeah I just put it on while working all the time - and it just hit me how really relatable Hamilton (or I mean, Lin-Manuel's interpretation of him) is. well, at least for me.

if you're wondering if this is worth your time it is NOT

anybody except me likes lists? I like lists. so let's make a list!

also let's see how many quotes can I fit into this post

whoa, I am excited about it.

1. the moment he meets Aaron Burr, he just sorta searches for something to bond over. like, hey dude I heard you went to Princeton? I wanna go there too, let's bond over it! by the way, I punched someone there lol I swear I am not stupid aand Burr, like um, no, thanks really, I better go, you seem violent, my parents wanted me to go there, okay, and Ham like WHOA YOU AN ORPHAN? WOW I AM TOO IT'S LIKE FATE OR SOMETHING LETS BOND and Aaron like wtf dude just shut up

and honestly that's just me, if I meet a person I like I will latch onto anything and I get sorta...fixated? so yeah, this dialogue is relatable as fuck

2. and Alex doesn't shut up, but then he goes all or am I talking too much?

bro, your anxiety shows.

3. and he keeps ranting all through the show, but his rants seem to charm everybody while I think mine just annoy and scare away? whatever, moving on, with Washington asking him why are you upset and he's replying IM NOT like a fucking teenager and it's probably a small thing but it's relatable as hell

4. and then once he is given permission he dives and buries himself into work, never does things halfway and is eager to take on more responsibilities and do something new and is just generally non-stop and while I can only wish for same energy as he, I like to have a lot of work aswell (well I sure as hell whine about it a lot but Hamilton does too! what's with I havent slept in a week I was weak I was awake you've never seen a bastard orphan more in need of a break)

5. he's flirty and has no qualms with innuendos. and very forward with his feelings? like you strike me like a woman who has never been satisfied sounds like a pickup line that either gonna win him a lot more than a number or fail miserably. he's like going all out, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and if it takes fighting a war for us too meet it will have been worth it and like seriously? yeah, flirt with every person in the room without skipping a beat, why not? he literally said on one intake of breath mr lafayette hard rock like lancelott i think your pants look hot laurens i like you a lot. he compliments people, he just throws it out instantly, most times he meets someone for the first time he compliments them and it's kind of my strategy too? it's not even a strategy, I just blurt out everything I like about a person once I meet them. it's like embarassing, because I liked a piece of jewelery on my co-worker once, and she was talking about something important while I could barely keep up because I kept thinking wow it looks great I gotta let her know. this strange need of mine to voice all thoughts annoys even me sometimes,

6. and then again, when he is angry or doesn't like something, it's painfully obvious. I don't tend to sprout profanities to people I don't like or saying stuff like madison you mad as hatter son take your medicine or you must be out of your GODDAMN mind or you absolutely right John should have shot him in mouth that would've shut him up but I can't school my face so it is always transparent what I am thinking about so my dislike is noted and not appreciated. it got me into enough embarassing situations. actually when studied in lyceum (like a sort of highschool) we had a principal and she addressed us as children and told us to call her mom and every time I was like WHAT THE HELL. I remember her eyes landing on me one time she said that and she almost did a doubletake at my facial expression. so the I'M NOT YOUR SON sentiment is not lost on me.

7. he speaks his mind when he thinks advice is in order? um if you love this woman go get her or for once in your life take a stand with pride. I tend to do it too, because I get winded up pretty fast, and I don't think it's always wise, because it's easy to judge from outside. I am pretty much sure that is the reason one of my friends back from school stopped talking to me. she had a bit of situation with her boyfriend and I still think her boyfriend is a piece of shit and she shouldn't have accepted him back, but whatever. wasn't my place to give advice, apparently

8. he gets overexcited? gentlemen of the jury I am curious bear with me are you aware that we are making history? like really I can't imagine ever getting like that at court. well I can imagine, because I get overexcited too, but saying that out loud? i'd be mortified

9. he's never satisfied? I know I already sorta covered it already, but it's more about him eager to learn and do more and feeling that what he's done and learnt is not enough, never enough. I so feel him on this, it's like yeah sure I know 4 languages, but that can't be enough can it? yeah I've got one degree but that's just ONE DEGREE that's like minimum I gotta get more

10. I know I talk too much I'm abrasive and I am not quoting Hamilton I am talking about myself thank you very much

11. he's a whiny bitch: but they don't have a plan they just hate mine -oh yes- or whatever it is Jefferson started it -huh yes sure-

12. forgetting your sons birthday? I forget my own age, sis. these little details just escape my attention. I like forgot it was my boyfriend's birthday this year - we literally live in the same flat. it took me a couple hours and a reminder from facebook. literally. and then I'll try to get away - hahaha it's like me saying to my parents - oh sure I'll some visit in a couple of months (they live in another part of the country) and then in a half a year being like oh wow when was the last time I went home

13. oh, here comes some more heavy stuff - say no to this. I was in a couple situations where I lost this battle. I think I have some polyamorous tendencies? but I am also very posessive and jealous, yeah, not a great mix, I know. so, I might have sorta dated two girls at one time once. well, not really dated, we were just bi-curious with one? we were friends, just... um, trying things. and then at some point I met another girl and it escalated pretty quickly and we sorta got together (oh my god the whole situation was a mess I was so confused about my sexuality back then and so ashamed you have no idea) and I didn't break it off with the first girl, but it was okay since we weren't... a thing? they knew each other but had no idea I slept with both of them. well we haven't really gotten that far with the first one but. and then the other asked at some point if she's the only one I do this with and I lied and a month into this endeavor I realized it was too much and sorta stopped seeing the first girl. we also stopped being close friends pretty soon afterwards. all my "lovestories" are embarassing actually, but this one is also the one I am most ashamed of. and then there were many situations in life when I was attracted to multiple people at the same time and ugh, I don't know, I kind of hate it, honestly. cheating is not okay. it is okay if everybody is okay with the polyamorous relationship though, but I never got to do it. so, yeah Ham's a dick but so am I

and on that depressing note I wanna wrap it up because I sorta killed the mood with that story. i think that's called oversharing?

if you actually read it to this point - wtf, you have nothing better to do or what?

I am not even gonna tag it so people don't have to scroll over that shit while searching for good content really I just like writing

the whole time I've been writing this my cat just kept staring at me. unblinkingly. I can feel her JUDGING ME

[thepartyresponsible]

here’s a short, relatively fluffy fic about what happens when jason todd and clint barton, a pair of career criminals and expert thieves, steal the winter soldier.

and to the anon who asked for a fluffy fic featuring hot chocolate, blankets, and warm feels shared by clint, jason, and tony....um. i’m really sorry. i’ve had a lot of cold medication. my reading comprehension is compromised.

Popular opinion would no doubt suggest that stealing the Winter Soldier is the ballsiest heist Jason and Clint have ever pulled. Jason’s not sure he’d rank it that high. After all, their Batcave stunt was pretty egregiously ill-advised, and then there was the time they stole fifty grand worth of Kryptonite with the use of a clipboard and some fake EPA inspector badges they printed out at a public library.

But keeping the Winter Soldier. Yeah. Sure. That’s pretty ballsy.

No real other options, though. At least none that either of them could live with.

Jason knows they’re doomed the moment he hears the quiet horror in Clint’s voice, the way his words catch, just a little, when he says, “Um. Jay? I think it’s a person.”

Because stealing a serial killer robot from HYDRA and then handing it off to the League of Assassins for “decommissioning” is one thing, but turning over a living, breathing human being is another. He and Clint walk all kinds of fuzzy ethical lines. God knows even Selina gets shrill about their activities sometimes. But they don’t deal in people. Not ever.

“Okay,” Jason says, nudging Clint gently out of the way. “Go steal us something fast. I’ll handle this.”

Because, between the two of them, Clint’s got the softer heart. He doesn’t get fussy about what happens in an honest fight, but he can get downright melancholy about the necessities of after-battle cleanup, and Jason’s happy to spare him from it, when he can.  

So Clint goes to get them a car that’ll get them out of the country before Ra’s realizes he’s been screwed around, and Jason goes to hover over the Winter Soldier, freshly defrosted, still barely twitching his way back to consciousness.

And Jason’s not an asshole. Whatever this guy’s done, he hasn’t done it to Jason or anyone who belongs to him, so none of this is personal. It’s gonna be fast and easy, just a bullet between the eyebrows, but the Winter Soldier blinks his pretty eyes open, looks up the barrel of the gun, and stares right into Jason’s face.

“я готов отвечать,” he says.

Ready to comply, Jason thinks.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Jason says.

And so, after that, Jason doesn’t have the heart to kill him, either.

  There’s a lot of yelling in the days that follow. From all conceivable sides. Ra’s al Ghul threatens every kind of unpleasant thing, and HYDRA hounds after them like they’re supposed to be scared of a group of megalomaniacal old cult assholes too creepy to get invited to the local Free Masons, and Selina calls Jason every day for a week to shriek at him about how she didn’t save him from the streets of Gotham so he could get murdered for stealing the world’s most brutal assassin.

“Selina, c’mon,” Jason says, muttering into the phone. Winter’s asleep in the backseat, shackled up like Houdini before a trick, and they’ve had a couple exciting moments, but he’s mostly just been quiet and kinda eerily empty-eyed. He keeps asking Jason about the mission. “He’s fine. I mean, he’s a little rough around the edges, sure. But I found Clint in a dumpster.”

“Hey,” Clint says, whisper-hissing at him from the passenger seat.

“And he looked great,” Jason tacks on quickly, with a wink he hopes will smooth things over. “Amazing. That dumpster didn’t know how lucky it had it.”

“You need to be careful,” Selina says. She put down two HYDRA goons this morning. They barged in on her in her pajamas, and she’s probably more pissed about getting caught with bed hair than having to dump two bodies before noon.

Although, she never was much of a morning person.

“We’re being careful,” Clint promises, leaning over to talk into the phone. “We couldn’t leave him, Selina. You didn’t see him. It was--- it was really bad.”

Selina’s quiet for a moment. “He’s an international criminal,” she says. And then, probably after she remembers that every single person in this conversation has their own personal INTERPOL file, she adds: “He’s an assassin.”

“I think he’s nice,” Clint says, stubborn and loyal. As always.

He only thinks that because Winter keeps trying to palm him extra food. Jason has to make a big show out of giving Clint food at the same time as he unlocks Winter for meals, or Winter will only eat half his food and then stash the rest so he can sneak it to Clint later.

Jason does not consider this behavior an endorsement of HYDRA’s caretaking expertise.

“He’d better be worth all the trouble,” Selina says. But she doesn’t mean it. Selina’s a thief and a liar and sometimes a killer, but she’s just like Clint, really. Softhearted for lost causes, both of them.

Jason can’t complain. It’s that shared weakness that brought both of them to him.

“Well,” Jason says, “if he’s not, we’ll just drop him with whatever country’s offering the biggest bounty.”

“That’s my boy,” Selina says. “But remember to start a bidding war first.”

  The thing about Winter is that he’s actually James Buchannan Barnes, Captain America’s best friend. He’s a Goddamn war hero, and HYDRA took him, tortured him, blended his brain, and made him kill people.

Jason grew up in Gotham, spent his formative years playing sidekick to Catwoman, so he’s seen some fucked-up situations. But it makes him sick, watching Winter work it out. Catching those sporadic flashes of Bucky Barnes, the miserable, devastated way he closes his eyes when the memories come, like it was better, somehow, when all he knew how to say was Yes, No, and Ready to comply.

And Clint was right. He is nice. He’s painfully sweet, really, in the way he frets over Clint until he figures out that Jason doesn’t actually run things, doesn’t own Clint, and sure as hell would never hurt him. And then he frets over both of them. Stoic and steely-eyed and stone-jawed, fretting like a Goddamn mother hen.

HYDRA wants him back, and Ra’s wants him dead, and Jason and Clint, as insistently and dramatically as they can, invite both of them to fuck right off.

They don’t really mean to keep him. Not forever. Just until people stop trying to murder him. Just until they can stash him in some nice town, where no one knows who he is, where he can go back to being Bucky Barnes full time and forget all about everything HYDRA made him into.

But people don’t stop. The whole world keeps coming after them. And Bucky, for his part, doesn’t want to leave them.

Six months in, Clint catches a bullet, and Bucky gets stolen, and Jason has to choose to leave Clint so he can go grab Bucky before they wipe him clean out of his own head. And Clint’s going to be fine, knows how to look after himself, didn’t get shot anywhere vital. But Jason crashes into that transport van with Clint’s blood on his hands, and it makes him crazy, a little. It makes him a nightmare.

So, afterwards, Selina brokers a meeting with Batman, and Jason goes, because Batman’s owed him a favor ever since that years-long game of tag he used to play with Nightwing resulted in him accidentally stumbling into a situation where he saved Nightwing’s life.

He doesn’t bring Clint, and he doesn’t bring Bucky, because he figures Batman’s not going to kill him, but he might throw him in prison. If he does, Selina will bust him out on principle, and she’d almost certainly do the same for Clint, but Bucky’s so new and so much trouble that she might just leave him where he’s less likely to get Jason killed.

“Look, Bats,” Jason says, when they’re finally standing uncomfortably on the same rooftop. “We don’t like each other. You’re the delusional iron fist of the bourgeoisie acting out your punishment kink on the unsuspecting poor, and I’m just a guy trying to make a living. But we gotta work together on this, okay? Or I’m gonna leak the porn I found on the Batcave computers.”

Batman takes a long breath in through his nose. He seems to visibly weigh out which issue to raise first. “You planted those files on the Batcave computers.”

And he hadn’t, actually. Clint did that. He’d spent the whole night before the job downloading Superman-themed porn, and he’d filled Jason’s laptop with so much malware that Jason eventually just burned the thing in a purifying pyre. But Jason had to admit that running those videos on every screen in the Batcave had resulted in a truly awe-inspiring, immersive experience.

“We were just trying to be supportive,” Jason says. “Anyway. Look. You owe me a favor.”

There’s a lot of back-and-forth after that, consisting mainly of Batman holding forth about how saving a life is its own reward and he doesn’t owe Jason a favor and Jason really needs to reconsider his life choices while he still has the opportunity to do so. But he seems to listen when Jason tells him what he knows about HYDRA, about how deep its infiltration of SHIELD and various world governments goes. He’s quiet when Jason talks about Bucky. And, when Jason hands over all their intel, he takes the flash drive readily enough.

“If this is more porn,” he says, holding up the flash drive, “I’m throwing all of you in Blackgate.”

“Jesus, Bats,” Jason says, not even trying to bite back a laugh. “If it had that much of an impact on you, you should do some solitary self-reflection about it. Maybe some of those documentaries we left for you could help.”

  Jason leaves Gotham and drives through the morning and afternoon and early evening, doubling and then tripling back on his route, making sure he’s not being followed. When he finally makes it to the safehouse, he’s shivery cold and dead tired. Bucky goes over his bike, checking for any trackers Jason might have missed, and Clint bullies him right into the shower.

Afterwards, Jason faceplants on the couch, and Clint hauls him up a few minutes later so he can press a mug of hot chocolate into his hands. “Drink this,” he says.

“Coffee,” Jason groans.

“No,” Clint says, as he settles next to him. “You’ve gotta sleep, you asshole. You’ve been up for three days straight.”

“Whiskey,” Jason tries, a little less plaintive and a little more mutinous.

Clint sighs. “I already put bourbon in there.”

Jason hums, appeased, and leans over to press a smacking kiss to Clint’s cheek. “You’re a fucking saint,” he says.

“Oh, a fucking saint,” Clint mutters, rolling his eyes. There’s a pleased blush settling along the lines of his cheekbones. “Didn’t know they made those.”

“The patron saint of fucking,” Jason declares, sipping at his hot chocolate. “Endowed with the power of---”

“This should be good,” Bucky mumbles, from across the room.

“Oh shit,” Jason says, and nearly sloshes the hot chocolate on himself. He tries not to talk about sex too much in front of Bucky. He tries not to think about sex too much in front of Bucky. He’s helplessly in love with Clint, and has been since he hauled him out of that dumpster in Gotham, but, as Winter fades and Bucky manifests more confidently in this new century, there’s been a growing tension between the three of them that Jason, frankly, has no idea what to do with.

“No, go on,” Bucky says, like this is the conversation he wants to have. Like he’s not the slightest bit curious about the mission Jason just ran, the one that’s supposed to clear his name, open a path that allows them to work with SHIELD to burn HYDRA to the ground. “He’s the patron saint of what, again?”

“Yeah,” Clint says, blinking at him with his innocent face in place. “What were you saying?”

Jason rolls his eyes and takes a pointed drink of his hot chocolate. It’s nice, he decides. That everyone’s comfortable enough to shit-talk him these days. Real refreshing. A Goddamn triumph of the resiliency of the human spirit.

“It went alright?” Bucky says, because he’s almost always the merciful one. Maybe he enjoys the novelty of it.

When he wanders over, he snags a blanket off the nearby chair, and he curls up on the end of the couch beside Clint, tossing the blanket over the three of them. He holds his hands out toward Jason, and Jason, without even thinking, passes his hot chocolate over. Bucky’s fingers brush Jason’s, and linger.

Jason isn���t making this shit up. He knows he isn’t.

First of all, he spends half his life watching people hit on Clint. He knows the signs.

Second of all, people get hot chocolate on their lips every day, but nobody licks it off like that unless they’re trying to plant ideas in people’s heads about what else those lips and tongue could do.

“Um,” Jason says, when he realizes they’re both staring at him. “Yeah. I mean. He didn’t throw me off a roof or put me in prison, so. I think he’s gonna help.”

Clint and Bucky exchange a look and then shrug. By their standards, that’s the start of a highly promising business relationship.

“Well,” Clint says, as he sprawls out, tucked in tight against Jason’s side, with a casual ankle hooked around one of Bucky’s. “You guys wanna watch Dog Cops?”

Jason figures, between the bourbon, and the blanket, and the warm weight of Clint’s body, he’s gonna be asleep in fifteen minutes. But he’d give Clint anything he asked for. “Sure,” he says, eyes already drifting closed. “Sounds great.”

  Two days later, they meet with a reserved, competent, endlessly unamused man named Phil Coulson. He doesn’t smile or laugh or seem to like them even a little bit. But he doesn’t try to kill them, either.

Four years later, they’re Strike Team Delta, and they’ve acquired Natasha Romanoff and a hell of a reputation. Coulson smiles more and yells more, and still hasn’t tried to kill them. Not once. Not even after Budapest.

HYDRA is ashes, and Bucky is theirs.

So what the hell. Maybe stealing the Winter Soldier wasn’t their ballsiest heist. But it was definitely their best.

[dirt-cup-draco]

Loki X Reader

Requested by the lovely @starofthedawn <3 It’s spooky season y’all! 30 "No?? Of course I'm not scared... who gets scared of... floating objects or... um weird sounds? Not me, that's for sure." 53 "There will be a lot of screaming tonight." 84 "Oh, this isn't a costume, this is my natural state of being." 

Loki watched as you fidgeted in your seat uncomfortably. Tony had just had the bright idea that spending a night in a supposedly haunted house would be a relief from the daily work load of “tracking down baddies and kicking ass” as the billionaire had so eloquently put it. His lips twitched up. The god had seen you go into battle with an iron stomach and steel heart, cutting down people like it was nothing. Yet, it seemed as if you were spooked by Tony’s proposal. 

“My lady Y/N, might you be frightened?” He challenged, eyebrow raising. You flushed and looked away. Steve glared from a distance and Sam looked amused. 

"No?? Of course I'm not scared... who gets scared of... floating objects or... um weird sounds? Not me, that's for sure." You scoffed, extending your legs so you could kick at the plush carpet beneath you. Nat stuck an elbow in your side and you jumped, eyes narrowing at her quickly before shooting back to Loki. 

“C’mon Reindeer games, our brave Y/N is coming, and she is delighted to,” Tony put the words in your mouth and your shoulders sagged. Loki nearly felt bad but it was almost delightful seeing you act in such a way. It was good seeing you had fears, that you weren’t a perfectly graceful, wonderfully brave, sickeningly good hero. The fact that you were fearful of possible spirits in an old creaky house made his heart swell that much more. 

He wouldn’t admit it but you had a piece of his heart that you had obtained, not willingly on his part might he add. He would never purposefully fall for a human. Pitiful meat sacks. 

---

“I need to go see my grandma!” You battled, struggling against Sam who had you over his shoulder, your fists pounding against his back. 

“She’s been dead for seventeen years,” Sam shot back. 

“I can’t forget to feed my pet fish!” You tried again.

“You don’t have one, come on stop being a wuss this will be fun!” Your friend encouraged, smacking the back of your thigh as you wacked his back particularly hard. 

“I left my stove on?” You mentioned in a last ditch effort. 

“You know Stark has some wacky tech that turns everything off to preserve energy,” 

You groaned as Sam set you down and you glared more, your arms folding across your chest as he tossed your bags into the trunk. You stomped around for a second and tried to run past but Loki was suddenly materializing, his arm going around your shoulders. You tensed but your fight was suddenly gone at the god’s touch. 

“You look as pale as a ghost darling, getting prepared for Halloween ahead of schedule?” He teased, his hand dragging lazily from your shoulder down to your elbow and back up leaving you warmer than you should be in the last week of October. 

"Oh, this isn't a costume, this is my natural state of being." You shot back as he set his hand on your lower back, guiding you into the car. You took note of how he stood behind you so you couldn’t try and book it back to the tower. 

Sam was behind the wheel, Bucky next to him in the passenger seat. Bruce and Scott took the two middle seats and Thor sat in the back. That left you sitting next to Loki. At least the trip wouldn’t be a huge bust, you could at least admire your crush. It was childish but he had captured your heart with a single look and you found yourself at his mercy, whether he knew it or not. 

You however, were grumpy that he had stopped your retreat so you took the other window seat, leaving the middle seat for him, his eyes narrowed because he now had to sit next to his talkative brother. 

The first hour and a half was in fact filled with Thor’s booming voice and you nearly felt bad but the blonde god eventually tired and he let his head slump against the window, nodding off. Bucky and Sam murmured to songs and Bruce read while Scott drummed his fingers against his legs, earphones in place, a to a song no one else could hear. 

You let your gaze fall on Loki and found he was already looking at you, suddenly the beauty of the colorful trees and country fell away and you could only think of how his eyes were the most beautiful thing you’d ever seen. It had taken you by surprise. You gulped. 

“Are you that worried about the little get away?” He asked, misguided by your sudden intake of breath.

“I think it’s a great idea, really, I just feel like we are asking for trouble like in those movies where the dumb college kids go and get murdered because they thought it’d be cool to camp out, ya know? Like the dumb blonde showers and gets shanked, and the horny couple fucks and gets shanked, everyone gets shanked is my point.” You stated.

Loki was clearly amused and you were sure you hadn’t said anything funny. He was just thinking that you were something else, you could gut a man but you were fearful of becoming a horror cliche. A wicked grin pulled at his features and he leaned in, breath fanning hot against your neck, lips brushing against your earlobe causing you to shiver. “Can we be the horny couple?” 

You blushed deep red and your mouth gaped, you turned to face him and squeaked when you saw the short vicinity. You struggled to find words. Finally you settled on, “Fuck off Loki,” Your eyes darting back out the window. You know he liked messing with you but sometimes you wish he wasn’t. Your flirty exchanges had been going on for a while, him being bold and all but you know it was just to get to you and there was no meaning behind it. It was just how Loki was, sensual yet deceitful. You tried to not let the words get to you.

--

When you arrived, you were the first to undo your seat belt, climbing over Loki and exiting the car, still embarrassed from what he had said earlier. He however fought the urge to pull you into his lap and kiss you breathless, your sweet blush making his heart stir around in his chest. But he let you pass and you went to Tony and Steve who were waiting outside the decrepit house, a scowl on your face. Loki exited the vehicle and hovered around you and the two other men. 

He made a show of letting his eyes roam around the place, taking note of the lake just a short distance from the house, the rest was forest. 

“This is stupid we are all going to get aids or rabies or something,” You grumbled, foot digging at the gravel. 

“We are not,” Steve cut in.

“I promise it’s mostly sanitary, just a little run down,” Tony reassured. “But there is the matter of rooms, there are more of us than rooms and well, everyone else already called dibs, so you and you know who are sharing the upstairs bedroom to the left. 

Loki turned around and looked at Tony. He nearly cheered when he found the man’s eyes were already pointed in his direction. He got to share a bedroom with you. And your cheeks were that delicious shade of scarlet he was becoming so accustomed to. 

You stalked over to Loki, a pout on your full lips as you shared the news. 

"I guess there will indeed be a lot of screaming tonight." Loki teased. 

You rolled your eyes. “Stop being gross, Loki,” His smile fell. Usually you shot right back but all today you had shut down everything he’d said. He honestly wasn’t used to it. Was he being gross? He thought you had liked the flirting. He thought you had some feelings for him, even. Maybe he was wrong. 

Disheartened he got his bags and followed you into the building, the wind chilling his nose. He was glad to be inside. Your comment and the weather had left him feeling quite chilled. 

--

Sam made dinner and a fire was lit inside, tony brought a broom and swept around, making the dust rise. You wrinkled your nose and said you were going to bed early. Loki decided he wouldn’t follow immediately. 

“Jesus, if I thought the kid would be this miserable I wouldn’t have forced her to come,” Tony said regretfully, had rubbing the back of his neck. 

Loki sighed, “It might have actually been something I said...” Everyone’s eyes were immediately on him and he felt small. A chorus of “what did you do this time?” and “what’d you say?” rang out. He didn’t like it but maybe your friends understood why you were suddenly being so cold to him. 

“It was just harmless teasing!” He defended. Wanda was the first one to show some understanding.

“I shouldn’t be telling you this, but I don’t want you to piss her off more,” The woman’s voice lowered. “She really likes you you idiot, ‘harmless’ isn’t so harmless when you actually care about the person,” 

Loki looked around. Everyone was nodding in understanding. “You mean to tell me Y/N has feelings for me?” 

Sam groaned. “I thought you picked up on desires and all that shit,” 

“Not when he is blinded by his own!” Thor chuckled loudly, delighted that his brother’s emotions were being discussed. 

The dark haired god elbowed his brother and sent him a chilling glare before standing. “I am going to retire for the night I think,” 

He was nudged and bumped and a couple people whistled while Steve reminded him to be mindful of your feelings. It nearly made him gag. The stairs creaked and he had to fight the urge to look behind him. He wasn’t scared but he could understand your discomfort with the place. 

When Loki opened the door you were sitting at the edge of the bed, staring at your unopened suit case. “Thinking about leaving?” He said, simply to make you aware of his presence. 

You whipped around and shrugged. “No, everyone wants me to be here, I wont ditch even if this is probably the worst thing I’ve had to do all year.” 

“Ouch, didn’t think sharing a room with me was so terrible,” He tried but worried he had crossed another line. 

“Thats not it Loki, I dont care about that, I just dont like spooky shit, even movies bug me. I haven’t gone to a haunted house since I was fourteen.” 

“You know me,” He said, sitting next to you, “What other monsters are there left for you to be frightened of?” 

You frowned deeply, eyes connecting with his. “You aren’t a monster Loki,” 

He shrugged indifferently. 

“Clowns though, clowns are fucked up. And demons, and ghosts, and-” you sighed. “I’m being silly aren’t I?” 

Loki shook his head. “Everyone has something they fear,” He stated. 

“And what is it that you fear oh mighty Loki?” You asked earnestly but with a jesting tone, leaving him an out. This conversation was nearing dangerous waters and you didn’t want to pressure him into sharing. 

 Loki took a steadying breath. He didn’t mind being honest with you. “That I am damned to be unloved all my life, that I will only be seen as the defective son of Odin, that there is no place for me in this world, nor in Asgard.” 

Your gaze softened and your hand crawled to his. You intertwined your fingers and squeezed gently. “That isn’t true,” you muttered, “You are loved whether you recognize it or not, you have made up for any wrongs committed and you have a place here with m- us, with us....” 

He looked at your intertwined fingers and thought about how yours fit perfectly in his. “Who do you think loves me?” His heart stuttered in his chest. The obvious answer being Thor but he couldn’t be sure that there was any other being outside of his forgiving brother who truly had love for him. The look in your eye made him hopeful though and he suddenly decided that he could push his luck. 

“I am positive you at least have an idea,” You whispered, you pressed your leg against his and looked up at him from your eyelashes. You hadn’t withdrawn your hand yet. 

He could practically hear your heart bursting from your chest and he watched your pulse quicken. Loki’s own heart was working quicker than it had in a long time and he was melting in your warm bubble. The air between you two was charged. 

It didn’t take much and he wasn’t sure who leaned in first but his lip was barely brushing against yours. Your breath hitched and you were nearly afraid to move. Loki gulped and let his hand fall from yours to fall at the nape of your neck as he pulled you against him. You automatically stretched, pressing your chest against his. His other hand went to your hip. 

He experimented and pressed his lips more firmly against yours, his heart thumping when you reacted, your hot breath coming out in a gasp when you chased his mouth with yours. By the time you were sated your chest was heaving and you were in his lap. 

“I’m thinking” Loki spoke, his voice not sounding like his own,”That you might have to tell me one more time who loves me,” 

You rolled your eyes and went to go grab your pajamas but he saw a smile at the corner of you swollen lips. 

“I’m thinking this trip might turn out okay,” You said before walking into the bathroom to change. 

Loki could only grin. 

[pleasedontleaveihavenofriends]

Revenge and Lust

This took me 7 hours. I wrote a whole fucking fanfic in 7 hours because I’m a simp for Bakugou and I’m a whore for Shigaraki. Kyrie is my OC, if anyone wants I’ll give more details on her another time!! I hope you guys like this

THIS IS ANGSTY AF JUST SAYING It’s also mostly smut. 

I had fun being horny on main~

Warnings: Very rough, borderline abusive sex, blood kink, slapping kink, Katsuki does a cheat (with Ochako), General angst, abuse mention

Kinks: Breeding, Adoptive Incest, Slapping, Breeding, Pregnancy, Blood, Three-way, Voyeurism (shiggy peeping~), Double Penetration (Vaginal only)

Summary: Shigaraki Kyrie was used to the overly friendly attention of her big brother, having grown up with only him to love and protect her, so she never questioned his overly touchy affection until she escaped One For All and went to UA. She started dating Bakugou Katsuki to try and live a normal life, but things came crashing down when she caught him with her best friend, Ochako. So she decided to break him down and get her revenge.

Word Count:  11309 

Ships: Shigaraki x Kyrie (OC), Bakugou x Kyrie (OC)

When Kyrie came to UA, trying to get away from All For One and his horrid experiments and demands involving her quirk, she thought she’d found her home. They’d taken her in, helped her get stable and find a new goal. A less… Family oriented and obsessive goal, even if she’d never mentioned her obsession with her own adoptive brother. She’d fallen for Bakugou Katsuki due to their similarly explosive and borderline abusive behavior, honestly. Her big brother had been the only person to keep her safe, her whole life, so it made sense that the person she’d settled on romantically would be him.However when she came home early from a study session with Midoriya and Kirishima, happily setting down her bags as she shuffled through the door, only to see Ochako and Katsuki’s shoes by the door, she felt her heart drop. Katsuki was supposed to be out on some hero intern trip for the weekend, why was he here? Better yet, why was Ochako at her apartment, with her boyfriend, at almost 2 AM? The short black haired girl froze in place when she heard very feminine moaning, followed by her best friend's name coming out of her boyfriend's mouth. She teared up right away and felt her heart shatter, she wanted to storm in and scream, cut him to pieces and steal his quirk, but she couldn’t. The broken shards filling her chest ached at the idea of hurting him directly… However, as she quietly closed the door and ran away from the apartment, towards the all too familiar bar in the more run down part of the city, towards the one person she knew would never break her like this, Tomura. Kyrie slammed open the bar door, her quiet sobs now broken as she screamed his name, her beloved brother quickly coming into view as she ran at him, hugging him tight. The pale, lanky male was in sweatpants, his hair messy and eyes wide with fear. “W-what the hell, Kyrie? Why are you back here!? If Mast-” She cut him off by looking him straight in the eye, her own round blue orbs steely and full of broken angst and rage. “I want to make them burn. I want them to suffer because they couldn’t stay loyal…” The tall male was shocked at the vindictive words coming out of the sweet, gentle baby sister he’d essentially raised.  “Are you sure you want to do that? I thought they were your friends?” Her brother understood that she couldn’t just accept her father’s abusive treatment and morals because he made her, he knew all too well, since he’d been the one to hold her as she sobbed in pain from getting vivisected, from getting experimented on in the name of finding out her quirk limits… She’d been no older than 6 when they made him watch the experiments… When he’d known what her organs looked like because All For One thought that seeing what could happen if he fell out of line was a good idea, instead it fueled the young villain to hurry his plan, just so he could make it clear she was his to protect and cared for.But then she came to him, scared and sobbing after a particular ‘mission’ gone bad, and he’d helped her escape their caretaker. He’d taken her to UA and she’d enrolled, he did everything to make her happy, to make life better for her. And now she was back in his arms. He didn’t know who hurt her, but he was almost thankful for it, with the way she was clinging to him. The way her arms and hands shook with rage as she spoke. She was always too sweet and loving to stand up for herself.“Stupid little sister… Did the heroes break your trust now, too?” She narrowed her eyes before tearing up again, burying her face into her brother’s chest, she took a deep breath and sighed at his scent, a mix of sweat, rose and something she’d gotten used to smelling on her big brother when he was holding her, though she didn’t ever know what it was. “Clinging to me like this… I thought you wanted a normal life, with that stupid Pomeranian of yours.” She’d told him that, a year into staying at UA, with Bakugou… “2 years you made me wait, and now I’m just supposed to trust you’re not going to betray us?” The small girl snorted and clung to him even more. “Tenko, he cheated on me.” There she went, using his real name… the one that made him soft and sweet for her, the name that would bend him to her will and made him willing to kill the whole city just to see her smile. “I’ll make him suffer, then. Who was stupid enough to take him from you? Who thought taking the one thing that kept you sane was a good idea?” He stroked her cheeks softly with his thumbs, tilting her head to look up at him. “Ochako… My best friend.” He let out an angry growl. “I’ll kill them both…” She sighed and closed her eyes, nuzzling against his hand.“Thank you, Tenko… I love you, big brother!” She jumped up and kissed him softly on the nose, wrapping her legs around his waist as she hugged him tight. Tomura growled and caught her, his hands on her outer thighs as she clung to him, and for once she was thankful for her quirk making her basically immune to his touch. They’d realized it when he started training her to fight, when she’d withstood his hands with only small spots of decaying flesh, which rapidly healed over and closed. As she got older it dulled down to a small sting, no blood, though.She still felt horrible, like the boy she loved ripped her heart out and took a sledge hammer to her glass heart, but Tomura soothed the pain, made her mind numb and her heart fluttered. Childhood crushed turned to obsessions did that, though. He hummed and carried her to bed, he carried her up to his bed, tossing her onto it as he tossed off his sweatpants… He’d always hated sleeping in anything but boxers, even as a kid. It’d been completely innocent and platonic at first, clinging to the one person who showed him affection in barely anything during puberty though… It made his ‘brotherly’ affection a bit more… adult. That was part of why he’d been so fine with her leaving. He was almost 22 now, and she was barely 18. Not even in her senior year of high school yet. And yet he’d love nothing more than to pin his baby sister down and fuck her raw into the bed until she couldn’t think of anything but him. But Tomura was nothing if not patient with Kyrie, so he decided until she came to him for that kind of thing, he’d just play the loving, doting brother a bit more. So here they were, stripping out of her UA uniform into just her boy shorts and camisole from the day, laying on her big brother's bed as he stood there and watched her, in only his boxers. She didn’t feel awkward or shy, Tomura had spent hours cleaning her wounds before when she was fresh out of a new test, so it was nothing he hadn’t seen.“Tenko… Come cuddle me… I’ve missed you…” The small ravenette yawned and reached for him, taking his hand and pulling softly. He sighed and rolled his eyes before crawling on top of her, caging her body with his as he held her close, tight. Her soft skin pressed right against him, though he tried not to think about it, ignoring the throb of his cock as his little sister snored under him.And like that, a year of her infiltrating deeper into hero society began, she got her heroes licence, graduated UA and became one of the top 100 in the country, with only a healing quirk to help her. It was unfortunate that Kyrie had to pretend everything was fine as she went to UA, watching her friends all ‘protect’ her from the fact that Katsuki was cheating on her. She found out that both of their friend groups knew, they let her get engaged to Katsuki, pretending everything was fine if she didn’t know. She understood why they were afraid to tell her, she was so clearly close to breaking, mentally. Years of emotional and physical torture coming from your only parent tend to make you broken, unpredictable. She didn’t blame Midoriya or Kirishima, who were so torn up over letting her stay that they’d stopped hanging out with her, feeling so guilty. Ochako kept on hanging around her like nothing was wrong, smiling and laughing with the small chubby girl. Kyrie felt sick every time she saw her now, happiness on her face but disgust filled her to the core. Katsuki almost never asked for sex anymore, which she was grateful for, but that also meant she saw him less, she knew he wasn’t on patrol as much as he said, but she also didn’t want attention on her, at least not right now. So when he did, she was forced to let the man she quite literally was planning to make miserable touch her, to make love to her. He always said he still loved her, smiling and hugging her close. Kyrie was convinced he just loved how stupid and naive she seemed to him.He pulled out of her, rolling off the condom and tossing it into the trash before holding her close. He took in a deep breath, only to freeze. She knew she smelled like Tomura, who smelled nothing like Katsuki. Katsuki smelled sweet, thanks to his quirk, almost like candy. She smelled musky and masculine, with the slight hint of rose. He sat up and looked at her, his eyes cautious. “You smell different…” She hummed and stood up, tossing on her clothes before standing and walking towards the bedroom door. Katsuki caught her wrist and looked her in the eyes, his own worried and alarmed. “Kyrie, we need to talk about this! That’s not your smell, that’s someone-” She pulled her arm away from him, walking towards the apartment door. The same one she’d caught him in a year ago.“I’m trying to use less perfume and stuff.” She shrugged and started putting on her shoes and double checking her utility belt. “You’re gonna be home tomorrow, right? I mean, it’s our anniversary so I was gonna make you some dinner.” Katsuki scratched his neck and smiled shyly at her. He was always like this, pretending to care and acting sweet. “I have more patrol assigned tomorrow. You’d know that if you listened to me. I told you all week. But you were busy with your own hero work, so it’s fine!” She smiled and kissed his cheek, ignoring the bile in her throat as he hugged her.She was intentionally making him feel guilty, since he knew he’d been with Ochako during his free time. “You’ve been pulling so many extra shifts I figured I’d take more too, I honestly forgot that was tomorrow. I can’t just call in sick now, they’re depending on me…” He sighed and let her go, fluffing her hair. “Fine, I’ll just… Find something to do…” Kyrie smiled and closed the apartment door, leaving the complex as she made her way towards the bar, casually of course, she really was supposed to be on patrol, but a sneaky visit to her beloved brother wasn’t so bad… Not compared to trading integral secrets of hero society for cuddles and not so brotherly affection. She stopped in front of the bar door and stepped in, smiling as Toga launched up and hugged her tightly. “I’ll go tell the hand pervert you’re here, Kyrie.” Dabi stood up and walked upstairs, only to come right back down. “I can hear him moaning from the other end of the hall, nope.” Kyrie blushed and laughed. “He’s busy, not a good time then, huh?” Dabi laughed and rolled his eyes. “Toga what was that about how she acts around Shigaraki?” Toga smirked at the other female and her hips a bit. “She wants her big brother to plow her into the bed~” Kyrie turned bright red and playfully punched Toga. “Shut up! I don’t- Ugh. Whatever. I was just stopping by on patrol, figured I’d tell you guys that there’s nothing new in person. Just those two idiots acting like I haven’t caught on. Especially Bakugou. He was planning a cute dinner date for our anniversary, y’know.” The blonde girl sighed and sat on the bar stool next to them, spinning a bit.“Shame, I bet he’s amazing in bed… Too bad he’s a liar.” Toga growled out before smiling at Kyrie. “Shigaraki says he’s a moron for hurting you, let alone letting you go.” The black haired girl hummed and sat too, rolling her eyes. “Oh he thinks I’m still his stupid little sweetheart, pliable and compliant for him.” Kyrie blushed a bit. “And before touching him made me want to vomit, yeah he was amazing in bed…” She growled and stood up. “Gotta get on patrol before the idiots notice, tell big brother not to sleep in his mess for me Toga, he gets weird when he does that~” And with that the healer hero was back into her guise of a sweet, loving hero.Patrol was quick, no problems coming up in her sector, though they never did, the villains seemed to avoid her area, thanks to Shigaraki’s threat on their lives. Kyrie stepped into the apartment and smelled peach candles, only she hated peach. Of course she knew that’s all Katsuki had, since he was always buying them for Ochako. Trying to make a cute date with his fiancee using the candles his lover likes, she felt sick. It almost immediately put her in a bad mood. “Katsuki… What’s this?” She tried not to glare at him.The explosive blonde jumped and turned to face her, setting his phone face down. Texting Ochako as he was trying to gain her favor, what the hell? He smiled and hugged her. “You said you’re gonna be busy tomorrow, so I figured if you had no problems I’d just make our date tonight.” She laughed cutely, hugging him. How badly she wanted to enjoy his hugs and kisses again. She could crush his whole world right now, just tell him she knew…That she knew and had betrayed them all, that she’d been sleeping almost naked next to her big brother, who’d kidnapped and tried to kill Katsuki multiple times… That she’d asked him to since she’d found out he cheated on her, and that’s why his sector was so chaos filled and required so many heroes patrolling, while she ‘took care’ of Shigaraki’s hideout sector, hiding her brother from the heroes as the Shigaraki siblings planned to take them down. It was a sick satisfaction, knowing when he came home beaten and almost dead that she’d caused that, having told Tomura that he’d be on patrol and exactly when Katsuki had left just so she could play the loving fiancee and make him feel guilty for cheating and breaking her heart.Even if he thought she didn’t know, she could see the guilt in his eyes when she helped heal him, or did something sweet and amazingly thoughtful. He thought she was being the loving soon to be wife, while she took the chances to distract him from the coup she was planning with her big brother and his organization. She decided, she’d waited long enough. She’d ruin his life in a week, with the easy part coming in the morning.Right now, she needed to seduce him and get him to pass out, before anything. She bit her lip and looked up at Katsuki, pressing against his chest. “As much as I love your cooking,” She had loved his cooking, once. Now she just ate cup ramen and food from cans. “I’d rather have you~” Another lie, she’d loved it when he touched her before, it made her feel loved and safe. But now it made her want to vomit and sob with still fresh heartbreak. She knew it wouldn’t go away until he’d suffered like she had. He’d ruined her trust in heroes so easily, so now she’d break his world just like he did to her.“I love you, Kyrie… So much.” He picked her up and walked to the bedroom, the amazing meal he’d made long forgotten few hours later, Kyrie walked into the kitchen and picked up his phone, taking screenshots of his conversations with Uraraka before sending them to Shigaraki via some program he’d written just for her to use. -Baked-Bean: Here, send these to my phone, I’ll take care of the rest~ Definitely play up the ‘didn’t want to get involved in your new life but I’m such a loving brother’ act, so I can dismiss you interfering. I can ruin his reputation that way~ Chapstick-Gremlin: Ugh. Fine. Go fuck yourself… Chapstick-Gremlin: I love you, Kyrie. Baby-Baked-Bean: I love you too, Tenko~ In the morning, Kyrie made it a point to start sobbing and crying, waking up Katsuki with a start as he came running, in just his underwear. “Babe! What’s wrong!?” She threw her phone at him, it missed and hit the wall, shattering. Good. “Okay, you’re upset. What happened?” He perked up. “Did they finally catch that damn villain?” Shigaraki and he had developed a rivalry with ease, considering Katsuki claimed to love her and Shigaraki really did.“You cheated on me! With Ochako!” She sobbed and hid her face, playing up the betrayed act. Now that she was established as an amazing and loving person in hero society, she’d have no problem breaking his reputation, while a year ago no one would have believed her and called her a liar and a villain. She’d saved so many lives, just for this moment, to see the look of broken shock cross his face. He knew exactly what she meant, and he knew if she was bringing it up, she’d seen enough evidence to damn him. “Kyrie-” She sobbed again and covered her ears. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to happen! We just… I didn’t want to pressure you into sex, not after everything you went through! Especially with how you talked about your creepy brother!” She glared at him, snarling. “You cheated on me because of my brother!? Because you didn’t want to pressure me into sex!? Then why are they RECENT, Katsuki!? Tell me that!” She sobbed and threw a pillow at him, she was standing and pacing now. “Just get out! You can’t justify leading me on for years, Katsuki! I loved you, and you just… Betrayed me like this!” She let out a broken sob as she crumpled to the floor. Katsuki picked her up, setting her on the bed as she smacked at his hands, at least until he got on his knees and rested his face on her leg, sobbing. “Please don’t leave me! God. I fucking love you. Kyrie I’ve never said this honestly but... I fucked up, and I kept fucking up but I don’t love her!” She let out a small sob and looked away from him. “You don’t love me either, Bakugou. If you did, it would have just happened once! Not for a whole year!” She glared at him. “You think I didn’t notice? The little smirks at your phone, coming home late, missing dates for sudden jobs, and worse when I called your agency they told me you had the day off! I’ve known Katsuki! That’s not my fucking problem!” She shoved him back, standing up and walking past him as she got dressed. “Now someone else who has the motive to ruin you does… You were reckless, and now if I want to keep my rank… Someone needs to be the bad guy in this… Neither of our fans will just let this go… It’ll either be my fault as the fucked up trauma case or you’re going to get blamed for being a horny pig… And I’ve worked too damn hard to go out like this!” She slapped him as he got up. Hard enough to make his head snap to the side, what made her feel the slightest pang of regret, was his next move. He didn’t yell, or get upset like she’d expected…He *smiled* at her, tears running down his face as he sobbed. “I know… I don’t blame you for it, either… It’s a dark business we’re in, huh?” She glared at him, now he’d taken her right to feel angry. She wanted him to try and make her the bad guy, not make her feel pity for him. She wanted to coo at him. Tell him it was fine and she still loved him, but she’d told him when they got together, if he ever loved anyone else, it’d ruin her… And she didn’t know what that would do. That’s how she was justifying this… She’d warned him.“I never thought I’d have to make good on my promise, Katsuki… I expected more from you… I wanted a family with you… I love you. And now I need to do this…” She let out a small hiccup, only to glare at him. “It’s your fault!” She shoved him again, this time towards the door. “Get out!!” She screamed and he took his clothes, dressing quickly before leaving. She only let it all out when she heard the door close.She sobbed for a good while, finally letting it out. Letting out the hurt she felt. There was no satisfaction in revenge, she realized. Just a kind of sick amusement at hurting someone else like they hurt you. She finally stopped crying and called up Midoriya, yet again playing up the broken fiancee act. Once again her rage built up as Midoriya made a fool of himself, apologizing and begging her to forgive him, as if she was mad at him of all people. “I’m not upset with you Izuku… You’re the person I’m the least upset with…” She sighed and rubbed her face. “I need to make a statement before the press gets ahold of this…” Midoriya sighed on the other end. “The fans are *not* going to be happy…” Kyrie was eating breakfast, her voice conveyed hurt and betrayal, and yet she was just carrying on with life like nothing happened as she picked out an outfit for the sudden interview. ***News Report*** This morning fans of Pro Hero on the rise Healer Hero: Nephilim were shocked to find her accounts on social media had been hacked and the notorious villain ring leader, Shigaraki Tomura had posted screenshots of Ground Zero’s scandalous affair with Uravity! Exclusive Interview to be live streamed in two hours with the three heroes themselves, done separately of course… Wouldn’t want a fight to break out in the studio!” ***News Report*** Shigaraki felt nauseous as he watched his baby sister sit there, her cute pink sweater and adorably styled hair making her seem sweet and innocent, while her long bright pink skirt was wrenched around in her hands, a tell tale sign of anxiety. Her face was red, she hadn’t even bothered with makeup to hide the tear stains nor did she try to hide the pain on her face. She’d just been cheated on, why should she hide it?Kyrie looked up at the reporter and gave them a weak smile. “It’s our anniversary today… 3 years… God I’m stupid huh, a whole year, he’s been cheating on me!” She smiled through the tears, the live chat blowing up with words of  support, so different from the interview done just minutes ago with Bakugou. He’d intentionally spun his story into her favor, making himself sound bad… Just for her. And she was here making him look worse.The reporter gave her a sympathetic smile and patted her arm before handing her a box of tissues. “I didn’t think I could cry anymore… I want to blame Tomura… But I know this is just his way of looking out for me… I’m his baby sister after all… And he can’t stand ‘Suki… Ah, Bakugou, I mean.” The live chat blew up again, saying that she was stupid for believing a villain, while the majority supported her. She read the chat and glared at the camera. “I believe him with ease because he’s the one who saved me from my father’s abuse. He got me out of that life and I love my brother for it! He would never lie and hurt me like this.” Kyrie smiled and sighed, knowing it was true made her feel at ease. A question came up on chat. Do you still love him? The question was anonymous, but she almost immediately broke down into sobs, and they weren’t even fake. “I won’t lie… I love him so much It hurts… Katsuki was my everything, and he hurt me like this… For what? Because I didn’t want to have sex after getting out of a majorly abusive situation? After-” Kyrie paled a bit… “I can’t believe I’m about to admit this… A week before the sports festival, when I made my debut at UA… I was attacked, almost killed. My brother decided to get me out after that, and I met Katsuki, he told me he understood… And he loved me anyways… But now I know the truth… It doesn’t make it hurt less.” The reporter sat up and began the interview, the timer for questions and interactions running out. They asked basic questions, what she planned to do now, who she was staying with, what she was going to do about the hate she’d received. And she answered with ease as she lied and made herself sound so sweet and dedicated to her job as a hero. And while she wasn’t lying when she said she wanted to save people… She didn’t believe in heroes anymore, but saying that to her fans wasn’t wise. Before the interview wrapped up, Kyrie was debating something once again. “I wanted to kill myself, you know… But my quirk would have just fixed any damage I did… So I just decided to throw myself into work, y’know.” The reporter hugged her as she left, apologizing in person, saying she shouldn’t have to deal with such a horrid betrayal. Kyrie left and went to the apartment, finding Bakugou packing his things. “Bakugou…” Katsuki perked up and looked at her, seeing her tear stained face made him feel less upset about his own. “Hey… So it’s all in the open now, huh?” She sighed and fluffed her hair. “Yeah… It is, Katsuki.” He let out a sad whimper when she said his name. He stepped towards her, holding her face as he kissed her goodbye. “I’ve got all my stuff out… I really do still love you, you know… I don’t think I’ll ever love anyone again… Not after having someone as amazing as you…” She smiled sadly at him, pressing a hand to his cheek.“And I’m glad a lying cheater like you is finally out of my life.” She stepped away from him and went to the fridge, grabbing a canned tea. He froze and looked at her in shock. “You know, making you feel so horrible and guilty was easy, after I heard you two fucking on our last anniversary I decided to make you as miserable as you’ve made me… To tear down any good reputation you had and make the world know what kind of person you are…” She smiled at him, her eyes dark and dangerous. “I guess years of abuse really did fuck up my head after all~”Katsuki narrowed his eyes, confused and hurt as he crossed his arms. “W-what?” She laughed and sipped her tea. “Katsuki. I ruined everything you’ve worked towards, everything you live for is ruined, just like you shattered my dreams with you.” She sat on the stool by the counter. “Only… No one will believe you if you say that now~ You’re an established liar and pig.” Katsuki was in shock, there was no way his sweet loving girlfriend would just… Ruin him like that. But then he realized he'd been her last lifeline, along with Ochako. And he’d cheated on her, with her only other friend who really knew anything about her life with All For One. She’d gone deep into her revenge plan, and she’d won. She’d been planning this since she’d found out, and now that he knew, he couldn’t do anything. Kyrie perked up and smirked at him. “It’s okay though~ Tomura has been taking *real* good care of me, making sure I feel loved and everything. Giving me everything I need~” She glared at him. “Now get out.” She was in contact with Shigaraki? Wait-“What are you planning?” Kyrie stood and grabbed him by the shirt. “I am going to ruin your life, make you feel as broken and helpless as I felt. Then maybe we can talk~” She shoved him out the door, along with the last few boxes he’d had before slamming the door in his face.Patrol was easy, yet again. And now that no one was waiting for her, who’d notice her failure to return, she decided to go visit her brother. She walked into the bar, seeing it empty, she shrugged and went up to Tomura’s room. Loud moans and mumbling were audible from the stairs as she walked up, she realized he was dirty talking himself.“Fuck, I’m so damn hard for her… God I want to fuck that cute little mouth of hers… Cum in her… I bet he’s never fucked her right… Nothing worth fighting for, at least… I want her so damn bad… Fuck I’m cumming! Kyrie-” She moaned and quickly knocked on the door, her face bright red as she heard him fall off his bed and stumble to put on clothes. “Who the hell- oh… Oh!” Tomura went to slam the door in Kyrie’s face, but she stepped into his room and ignored his protests. “So, how was it? Jerking off while thinking of your little sister?” She bit her lip and sat on his bed, her eyes drifting to the shirt she’d noticed had gone missing in the last few months. “Hey… That’s my favorite shirt, y’know.” He groaned and glared at her as she picked it up, noticing the lack of cum.“Did you not cum yet, Tenko?” The male groaned and bucked his hips a bit. “You didn’t… Hm~” She blushed and started taking off her shirt and pants. “W-what are you doing?!” She relaxed onto his bed, now in her underwear as she gently patted her belly. “Come cuddle!” He growled and looked away from her. “Tenko~ Please?”She spread her legs, her panties had ridden up and were giving him a nice view, even if he couldn’t see her core yet, he saw the rapidly growing damp spot in between her legs. “You’re going to kill me if you keep being so sexy, Kyrie…” She hummed and smirked as he took back off his sweatpants, his hard, thick, huge uncut cock throbbing as he blushed and buried his face in her chest. His hard length rubbing against her clit through the thin material of her panties.“Ah, you’re so fucking wet for me… I bet he couldn’t make you feel this good just like this, hm? You’re such a horny slut, wanting your brother’s cock like this… Nasty little slutty sister… I bet you’d cum on his cock by imagining me…” Kyrie blushed and nodded, biting her lip and he played with her large chest. “I want you to ride my thigh. Cum  like a good slutty sister” Kyrie blushed even more, as if it was possible and looked away from his prying vermilion eyes. “Yes sir…” He groaned and fell onto his back, letting his thick, heavy dick slap against his stomach as he pumped it a few times, watching her like a predator stalking its prey. Kyrie settled her chubby thighs over his own, straddling him as she bucked lightly, moaning at the sudden friction. “Tenko… It feels nice…” Her clit was jumping in anticipation as she lightly humped her big brother’s leg, making him pump his cock a bit faster. “I told you to cum, not play around. Ride my thigh and earn the right to take my dick.” 

The chubby girl whined and rode faster against his leg, bucking and moving as she watched him jerk off to the show she was giving him.“You ever do something like this with that damn Pomeranian? You ride him like this, slut?” Her small frame shuddered in pleasure when he slapped her chest, making her heavy breasts jump and bounce as he slapped them around. “He always treated you like a cute doll, didn’t he? Never fucked you nice and rough like you need?” Kyrie moaned and rode his thigh faster, her hand smacking his away as she stroked his cock quickly, trying to get him to cum with her. Her big brother growled and smacked her, hard. Right in the face, before he shoved her onto the bed and ripped her bra off, followed by ripping her underwear away. “Slut. You only get my cum if it’s inside. You want your big brother’s cock? You want to take my cum and breed my heir? You naughty little whore… I bet you’re almost cumming just from imagining me fucking a baby into you, hm? Want to breed with your big brother and give him a baby?” Her soft face was full of lust, her eyes glazed over in pleasure as she nodded.“Say it, bitch!” She cried out as he slapped her a few more times. “Say you want me to fuck a baby into you. Tell me you’re my little slut, my cum dumpster, you’re my filthy little sister and no one else's!” He grabbed her throat, both hands wrapped tight as he slammed his cock deep into her tight cunt, ramming it in deep as he growled and choked her, ignoring her grasps at his hands. “Cum on my dick, slut. Make me cum in this tight little pussy. Earn the right to have my baby.” Kyrie squeaked and came hard, her tight cunt gripping and milking his huge cock as he rammed deep into her, her sweet voice full of lust and desire. 

He growled and let go of her throat, just as she started passing out, he slapped her as hard as he could. “Stay the fuck awake, I’m not done with you yet… I’ve wanted this slutty pussy for *years* and I’m not stopping now!” He snarled and picked up her lower half, making her sit there, her legs up on his shoulders as he sat on his knees, teasing her clit as he rammed harder into her. “Fuck yes, that’s it baby. Take my cock nice and deep, just like that. God you’re so fucking *tight* and wet for me!” He laughed loudly, his eyes wide as he rubbed her clit, his hips still slamming her against her as he made her scream.“Fuck Tenko I’m gonna cum again!” He let out a loud growl and slapped her hard again, making her lip bust a bit, a small trail of blood staining her pretty pale skin. “Fuck you look so good in red… I want to see more of you~” She squeaked and dug her nails into his back as she came, making him cry out as he came into her tight cunt, his cum jetting deep into her as his tip kissed the entrance or her womb, the thick, heavy head of his cock plugging her up as she took his thick load. She relaxed against the bed as he pulled out, licking the blood from her lip. 

“Tenko… That’s definitely something I didn’t know you’d like…” She blushed and covered her face a bit. “You came in me…” He smirked and picked her up, flipping her over, her ass high in the air as he made her stand with her elbows on the bed, his semi-soft cock ramming deep into her dripping slit as he fucked her hard, his heavy sac slapping against her clit as he fucked her all over again.“I’m going to fucking ruin you with this cock, you’ll never be able to cum unless it’s on my cock… You want that little sister? To cum on your big brother’s cock and breed his heir? You want it so fucking bad, don’t you? Fuck it feels like you’re already milking me.” 

He suddenly pulled out, making Kyrie let out a small sob. “I was so close!” Tomura growled and yanked her hair, making her face him, his cock covered in cum and a mix of their passion. “Suck while I get something for you~” She hummed and took the hair tie from her wrist, sucking on the head at first before she took more into her mouth, eventually bobbing as he growled and dug around in the closet by his bed.“Here. Ass up, Kyrie. Now.” She blushed and bit her lip, smirking. She wanted to challenge him, at least a little bit. Another hard slap sent her into the bed, crying out in pain as he forced her onto her knees, his huge throbbing cock quickly pumping in and out of her again. “Good slut. Take that cock…” 

Tomura growled and grabbed her hair, making her moan before his other hand went between her legs, and just as something cold brushed her clit, it jumped to life, vibrating roughly as it forced her to cum then and there.“W-wait! No, I can’t take that and your cock at once! I can’t- ahhh~” She moaned and fell to the bed, her ass still up and ready for him to dominate. She was overstimulated and the constant vibrating was making her go crazy with pleasure.“Come on slut, I know you’ve got more in you!” His hand released her hair just to slap her in the face. “Fucking cum you filthy whore! Did you ever let your precious hero cum in you like this? Or did he not want to? God your womb’s milking me so much it’s like you’ve never had a creampie… Fuck you’re too much of a breeding slut for that, huh? You definitely need more of your Master’s cum…” He snarled as she came again, slapping her hard as he picked her up by her throat, fucking into her as he choked her again, this time with one hand. “God you’re such a damned slut… Just for me though! This pussy is all mine to breed and fuck however I see fit, huh?” 

She moaned and nodded as the constant assault on her throbbing core ripped another orgasm out of her, making her scream as she thrashed. Tomura laughed and fucked her harder, making her ass bounce from the force of his hips as he let her drop back onto the bed. “Good slut. Cum more. Milk me, fucking take it bitch!” He came deep and hard yet again, more of his thick white cum filling up her shivering hole as she moaned and thrashed under him, multiple orgasms taking over as she just kept cumming around him. “Fuck you’re gonna make me cum again already! God, you’re too damned good.” 

Tomura’s heavy balls were all he could think of, emptying them deep into his baby sister as she played hero.“Fuck I want to make you so fucking swollen with my babies, just so I can see that damned hero beat himself up over letting you go! You’d like that, wouldn’t you. Slut? You’d love to take my cock just like this with him watching wouldn’t you?” He moaned, sinful and needy as he kept thrusting, a light sheen on his body as he fucked her deep and hard, cum was dripping out of her, and yet here she was, more than willing to take more of his cum. “I’m gonna take the vibrator off, and you’re gonna cum from just my cock, got it slut?” She thrashed and tried to pull off of his cock. “Fuck- Tenko I can’t take anymore! Please stop!” She was sobbing from the mix of over stimulation and pleasure. 

Her big brother growled and slapped her hard, when she didn’t stop he slapped her again and again, not stopping his rough thrusts for a split second, every time she screamed or sobbed, taking his cock and abuse, he swore he almost came then and there, watching her come undone and drop the stupid hero act was amazing for him.Seeing his sweet, loving baby sister become an overwhelmed cock crazy slut just for him was addictive, it sent shivers down his spine that had him cumming in seconds, however he didn’t stop, he kept thrusting through his orgasm, working past his own pleasure as his baby sister thrashed against his cock. 

“Cum slut. I know you’re close! Do it!” He growled and reeled back a few times, slaps sending her head from side to side in quick succession, it seemed the pain was all she needed to cum again, more orgasms ripping through her small chubby body, causing her to babble incoherently and buck against him. “Fuck- Nng I’m coming again! God, I need you to cum with me. I want you to squirt for me. Come on bitch!” He snarled and kept his brutal pace as he fucked into her. “Shigaraki! Please- I can’t take it anymore!” He growled and grabbed her by the throat with one hand as he kissed her, choking her as she took his cock. “Cum bitch. Come on your big brothers dick as he fucks you raw, you want me to breed you? Beg for my fucking cum, slut.” She groaned and rolled a bit, hiding her face as she let out such lewd noises and cries. 

He snarled into her ear as he sunk his teeth into multiple points on her neck, making her moan.“Fuck! God, Tenko please cum in me! Fill me up and breed my slutty womb, knock me up and make me yours!” She screamed, bloodcurdling, loud and full of desire. Even well after he’d cum and pulled out, her eyes were rolled back and thighs were still shaking as she came, her tight cunt being kept full by his cum and cock, which was sudden and made Kyrie thrash against him. “Fuck! No more Tenko! Really, god. I can’t take any-” She cut off as he kissed her, soft and sweet. Full of love and passion.“That was amazing… I really do want you to have my kid, by the way… I’ve thought of it for years, Kyrie…” She hummed and nuzzled his neck, wrapping her arms around it as she kissed him softly. “I love you, you silly little sister…” She hummed and kissed him more.“I love you too, Tenko… I feel so damn full right now~” She laughed and squealed as he flipped them over. “Jeez, easy big brother, I’m delicate~” Tomura looked over the bruise on her cheek and the bites he’d left on her neck in the passion of his own orgasm. “God damn… Look at you, ah shit. I really did bust your lip… Let me-” She cut him off with a kiss. “Just sleep for now, okay?” She yawned and held him tighter, her legs wrapped tight around his waist.“Fine, just because I know you’ll be completely healed in the morning, though… Fuck that was so good… I came so damn hard.” The small woman leaned up and kissed him, effectively shutting up her brother.“Sleep, Shigaraki.”

Kyrie woke up first the next morning, quickly realizing that her brother was in fact, still deep inside of her, and was also still equally hard. “Fuck… He’s going to be horny…” As if on cue, her brother rose from his own sleep. Clinging to her like a desperate child in need for its mother. “Don’t get up yet… I don’t want you to leave.” She hummed and rocked her hips. “Not a chance I’m leaving just yet~” He laughed and sat up, smirking at her as he groped her chest. “I’m barely awake, slut. You already want my cum that bad?” Kyrie laughed and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist. “Yep, I do~” She moaned as he started to thrust, burying his face right back into her chest, only now he was sucking her nipple as he fucked her. Tomura was much more gentle this time, still pleasing her, but now he was being more caring, more attentive. “You want to cum first, or do you want to watch me cum in you?” 

He spoke around her nipple, caught between his teeth. “I want your cum Master~”Shigaraki groaned and sat up, lifting her hips a bit so he could rest her on his lap before he started fucking her deep and hard, despite his sweet and gentle pace, his thumb caressing the swollen bud of nerves between her legs as he fucked her raw, sore cunt. He looked so soft and needy right now, brows furrowed and worried as he closed his eyes, moaning as he enjoyed her tight walls on his giant dick. “F-fuck… I love sucking your tits, I didn’t even think I was this into breasts…” She hummed and sat up, biting his neck as he made her cum on his cock. “Fucking cum for me Tenko, cum in me and breed me like a good slut~”They stayed there for a moment, that is, until his door flung open, Toga and Dabi standing there on the other side. 

Dabi looked a bit disturbed and ready to leave while Toga looked excited. “Dabi! You owe me 200 dollars! Kyrie got that crusty hand pervert dick after all!!” She squealed and slammed the door, running away in glee over her friends getting laid, despite them being siblings. Toga always made the point of *adoptive* siblings. They’re not blood so it’s fine! At least that’s what she said.“Whelp. We could either go deal with that or- Oh fuck!” Kyrie let out a cry of pleasure as he started fucking her again. “I’ll stay here and make my slutty baby sister cum on my cock, thanks~”

The week went by fast, thanks to the two Shigaraki siblings fucking their time away. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that Tomura had gotten her pregnant, and he’d come up with an amazingly horrid way to get back at Katsuki. Agree to take him back, only for her to announce that she’d been betraying them the whole time and shattering him all over again. Kyrie knew this was for her brother’s satisfaction, not hers, but she wasn’t about to refuse Tomura’s wishes.She was currently taking his cock, rough and deep as she typed out the message to Katsuki, telling him that she missed him, and wanted to make it work if he did. 

That she’d thought it over and just couldn’t hate him. He’d completely isolated himself, taken a vacation from the agency, stopped seeing anyone, friends and family included. He’d gone into a deep depression from losing her, and even people who hated him now could tell how much losing Kyrie shattered his heart.“God, you must really hate him, taking your own brother’s cock as you tell him you still love him? Do you?” Kyrie whimpered and came hard as he fucked her, his own release filling her up and making her walls stretch a bit. “Fuck- Maybe! I don’t know- I can’t think with your cock inside of me!!” She sobbed in pleasure and came hard again before Tomura pulled out, cum slopping out of her packed pussy in rivers, making a puddle on the bed under them.“You gonna let him fuck you right away? Mmm… You should… Let me watch, too. I bet he won’t make you cum~” 

Kyrie paled and shook her head. “I can’t let him see me like this!” She whimpered as he smacked her raw ass, her brother had taken to using knives to draw blood, and though he cut deep and she should be much more broken than she was, she was fine. Her quirk healed any immediate damage and the scars were gone by morning. “He won’t see you until tonight, just set up your webcam. I want to watch my baby sister get fucked, is that so bad? I need to see if you’re such a slut that you’ll cum on his cock too~”She glared at him. “You need to get him to creampie you anyways~” She groaned and rolled her eyes. “Fine! Ugh, you are such a pervert!” She smiled and kissed Tomura happily, despite what they were planning, she still loved her brother, and she would die for him.

But when Katsuki answered, he sent a video, he sounded so happy and hopeful, so utterly blissed out that she was even considering taking him back, he was crying. And she felt nothing but guilt.Later that night she sat on the bed, in a cute orange and black lingerie set, Tomura had insisted. To sell the bit, he’d said. The thin velvet corset fit her short chubby frame beautifully, and the sexy matching lace panties made her thick chubby thighs look flawless, the thigh-high stockings making her legs look wonderful, the big chunky heels, bright orange and tall, made her a true sight, ready to fuck and take anything thrown at her. Katsuki was expecting a long, drawn out talk. To talk things over and settle their issues, so when his not-so-ex ex opened the door, in the premium lingerie his agency had custom made for her before their anniversary, a gift, they’d said, his cock immediately jumped to life. 

He’d been more than ready to go his whole life without sex again, if it meant being with the woman he loved. And yet here she was, almost naked, in his set. Looking up at him like he meant the world to her… Kyrie growled and grabbed him by the collar, dragging him down into a rough, needy kiss. “We’re going to get everything out of the way… I’m going to fuck you so hard you’re not going to be able to think of any other woman but me…” She growled and bit his neck hard, drawing blood before dragging him to the bedroom and shoving him onto the mattress.“K-Kyrie! Fuck wait- Oh holy shit~” 

He was trying to calm her down, to tell her she was the one he’d think of when he and Ochako had sex, that he’d always used protection and never even thought of her sexually. She’d been a glorified sex toy to him, he only ever had eyes for Kyrie, she didn’t give him a chance though, his pants and shirt were already off, and now he was in nothing but his shoes, with his pants around his ankles, she was rubbing his cock through the thin fabric.“T-take it easy! Do you even have any-” She growled and stood, shoving him onto his back as she straddled his waist, ripping his boxers just to get to his cock. He wasn’t as big or thick as Tomura, she noted, and she didn’t think she’d be able to enjoy it like she did her big brother’s huge member. But she’d at least put on a good act. 

“You’re going to fuck me raw, understand? You’re done being a whore, because you’re mine, and if you’re not going to be with me, you’re going to feel like shit for it for the rest of your life, you got that?!” She slammed her hips hard down into his own, taking his cock deep, and without missing a beat she started riding him like a mad bitch in heat. “Tch, you’re not even that big~ It’s not like many other women would want you when they find out you’re only average size…” She growled and took out the vibrator Tomura had given her, pressing it to her clit, making her moan. “Better, I might actually cum now… You know I’ve always faked orgasms with you, Katsuki. Maybe if you’re really sorry you’ll finally make me have one now, hm?” 

Katsuki felt his world shatter.She’d seemed so happy with him, but he’d never even been able to make her cum. Any pleasure he was feeling went out the window, the orgasm she quickly made him close to drying up, even as she rode him. “I really didn’t? Fuck- I figured you faked a few, but I never made you cum?” She was lying through her teeth, she’d cum so many times at the start she couldn’t imagine having sex with anyone else, but then she caught him and her touch repulsed her. “Not one~” She moaned and slid off of him, cumming hard as the vibrator made her squirt a bit. Tomura had really made her into a sloppy whore, she’d squirt any time she came now, but Katsuki didn’t know that, he watched her cum and assumed this was the first he’d ever witnessed. “You’re a squirter? I really never made you cum at all, did I?” He let out a needy whimper, ignoring his throbbing cock he got on the bed, his head settled between her legs as he greedily licked and sucked on her clit, he had no clue that she’d been taking another man’s cum that morning, let alone that she’d probably gotten pregnant from him fucking her. 

“Oh? What 's going to make me cum with your mouth?” She laughed and pulled at his hair. “That’s it, work that clit. Mn-” Katsuki let out a small noise and slipped a few fingers into her, working her clit and g-spot at once, making her quickly cum. “Sh-shit! Cumming~” She came hard into his mouth. Her body arched and bucked as she rode out her high, once she’d come down she glared at him. “Fucker… That was… Really good. Actually. I mean, not the best…” A lie, she glanced at the webcam, a small smirk on her face. Tomura could make her cum 4 more times in that short time that it took Katsuki to make her cum once. She sat up and flipped Katsuki over, she started riding him, moaning a bit as she bucked into him, only to hear a small sob. 

She looked at Katsuki and froze in shock. He was crying, and she had no clue why.“I really am the worst, huh? Why do you even want me back?” He looked so broken and hurt, Kyrie felt her heart clench as she leaned down and kissed him, it was soft, sweet and full of love. She sighed and shook her head.“I don’t know… I just miss you too much, I guess.” She rolled her eyes and started riding him all over again. “Well? Come on, make it up to me, I said I’d work you overtime, didn’t I?” Katsuki looked up at her, and without a word he was in control, slamming into her so roughly she thought she’d pass out. “If this is how I earn you back, I’m going to fuck you so much you can’t move!” 

He growled and trapped her under his body, fucking into her desperately. He was still trying to be gentle, even as he fucked her like this.“Fuck I’m gonna cum, Kyrie.” She moaned and rocked against him, biting her lip. She closed her eyes and covered her face, imagining Tomura’s huge cock deep inside of her, filling her up and breeding her as he cut and slapped her around, abusing her just because he could, and she came hard, multiple times in a row as she squirted everywhere. Katsuki came after her first orgasm, keeping his cock deep inside of her as he came.He groaned and rested on her chest, huffing. “Fuck… You’re so fucking perfect. I love you so damn much!” Katsuki groaned and started moving all over again, trying his best to make her cum, little did he know she was imagining her brother, his cock and cum inside of her instead of his.

The next few months were amazingly sweet. Katsuki made it public that they were back together, and she explained in an interview that she really did love him, despite his betrayal, which was true. Even Shigaraki knew the blonde still held a place in his baby sister’s heart. Right next to the hold he’d dug for himself throughout their childhood.The two heroes went on patrol together whenever the other was scheduled, went on dates and just generally had fun… And for a while, Kyrie forgot that she was in another scheme. That is until her morning sickness took over. Making her spend her mornings in the bathroom instead of in bed with Katsuki. 

A quick trip to the OB told her she was 4 months pregnant, and that they should be happy to hear it was a healthy set of quadruplets. Katsuki was ecstatic when they got home, Kyrie had messaged Tomura to tell him the news, though she wasn’t as excited. 

Baby-Baked- Bean: I know we had a plan… But Tenko I still fucking love him, I can’t shatter his heart like that again! He really does love me, and it’s not okay! What we’re doing isn’t… It’s not right!

Chapstick-Gremlin: You’re kidding? You were the one who wanted this!

BabyBaked-Bean: I know what I said, Tenko! But it’s not okay that I’m just fucking with his whole life like this! What we’re about to do is trauma Tenko!! He just cheated on me!!

Chapstick-Gremlin: JUST!? WAS HE THE ONE THERE TO PICK YOU UP WHEN YOUR HEART WAS SHATTERED AND BROKEN BECAUSE OF HIM!? NO I FUCKING DID!!! AND NOW YOU JUST WANT TO TAKE MY FUCKING FAMILY AND LEAVE FOR HIS SAKE!?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Leave?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Who said I was leaving, Tenko?”

Chapstick-Gremlin: W-what??

Chapstick-Gremlin: What the hell are you talking about?

Baby-Baked-Bean: Don’t worry… He’s so desperate to keep me, I think he might just agree to be a villain… If you promise not to kill him?

Chapstick-Gremlin: I get to let Dabi beat his ass *once*, right?

Baby-Baked-Bean: We’ll be home by tonight, Tenko~

Kyrie let out a soft sigh and got out of the car, smiling at Katsuki. “We need to talk, ok? I swear, it’s not… Bad. Well. Not that bad.”Katsuki froze and looked at her, the door only just having closed behind her. “Oh god, you’re leaving me. I’m  not enough and you’re leaving.” He looked terrified and heart broken, ready to cry. “W-what did I do wrong? I promise I’m tr- MMF” She cut him off in a passionate kiss, pulling his hair roughly before shoving him to the bed. “No, I’m not leaving you. Okay?”He let out a relieved sigh and gave her a wry smile. “Okay…”She bit her lip and decided to just blurt it out, the worst case is he tells the world and she has a real reason to hate him, at least. 

“They’re not yours…” His face fell, but he didn’t look as upset as when he thought she was going to leave.“They’re not mine?” He looked a bit confused.“They’re Te-Tomura’s.” Katsuki looked at her, shocked and disgusted now. “You’re fucking your brother, and he got you pregnant? Wait-” He glared at her, crossing his arms. “You’ve been getting your revenge on me this whole time, haven’t you!? Was this some fucked up plan of his? Make me think everything is fine just so it hu-MM” She cut him off with another kiss. “No, I haven’t seen or really talked to him since I came back here. I was staying with him and the others for that week I took off… But Katsuki, I’ve never lied to you, not since we got back together.” She blushed. “And… Before I caught you and Uraraka… You made me cum all the time… I just wanted to hurt you back a bit…” 

She was ashamed of herself, not for being in love with her brother, but for leading Katsuki on.“You were the one leaking information to the bastard, our last year of school, weren’t  you?” She nodded and he sighed. “Right after you found out?” Another nod. “You really did mean that threat, huh? That you’d ruin any other relationships for me? If I hurt you?” Kyrie blushed and sighed. “What do you want me to do?” Katsuki looked at her cautiously.“Just what I’m doing, giving them information, helping with strategies and such… They won’t make you hurt people, that’s your choice.” Katsuki sighed and held his head in his hands. “Well… Don’t have much of a choice, you’re my fucking breath now, if I lost you… I’d go insane, I think.” 

Kyrie walked into the bar, Katsuki’s hand in hers as she walked right by the other villains, who were glaring at Katsuki. “Oh stop, he’s with us now! Tomura’s orders.” She spoke curtly and led him to the stairs, quickly running up to them she slammed open Tomura’s door and squealed, jumping onto his lap, interrupting the game he was playing. “Oh look, my slutty sister is back in my lap~” She huffed and flipped him off. 

“Fuck me? All you had to do was ask, though you want to let me take you with him watching?” She blushed and bit her lip, snark answers gone as she quickly became submissive just for him. “Maybe I do want Katsuki to watch…” She eyed up her former fiancee and moaned as she saw the imprint of his cock through his pants. “Hm? Oh you like letting him fuck you? I can make you cum better though~” Kyrie moaned and big Tomura’s lip. “Please Master, fuck this slutty pussy, even though you’ve already bred my womb.” He growled and picked her up, turning off his game console before he threw her onto the bed. “Strip. You’re not getting nice treatment, making me fucking worry. Sluts don’t deserve to be treated nicely.” Her brother slapped her, hard, knocking her off the bed a bit as she held her cheek. “On your knees bitch. *now*.” She let out a small whimper and did as he said, waiting patiently as he disintegrated his own clothes, not wanting to bother with them. Tomura slammed his hips hard into her own, burying his huge, thick and veiny cock deep into her cunt, right against her womb. 

“Fuck… You’re such a filthy slut… You’re craving cock even though you’re filled up and pregnant.” Katsuki let out a growl and stepped towards the two, only for Tomura to wrap his hand around the other man’s throat, a single finger off of it, keeping him alive. “Keep your mouth shut and watch. I don’t want you here, she does. Fucking test me and I won’t hesitate to kill you.” Tomura shoved him away and roughly slapped his baby sister’s ass, grabbing her hair as he pressed her into the bed. “Filthy slut, you like getting this slutty hole pounded while your little boyfriend watches, don’t you. Naughty bitch. God you are such a horny little bitch!” He growled as he fucked her harder.“Take my fucking cum, bitch. You’re not cumming just yet.” Tomura growled in her ear and came hard, his cum spilling out, not having anywhere to go. “Fuck- you’re spilling~ Can’t take your master’s cum now? Because this little cunt is full of his offspring?” 

She nodded and squeaked as he flipped her over, slapping her hard in the face as he started fucking into her again. “Filthy slut… God you’re so fucking horny, you’re soaking my thighs, you’re gushing every time i thrust into you’re horny little cunt…” He hummed and smirked. “Why don’t you let your little boy toy fuck you too? You’re always saying you want more…” He flipped them over and made her arch her back, her ass in the air as he fucked her silly. “Beg him, slut.” Kyrie squeaked as he slapped her hard in the face, busting her lip. “I didn’t fucking stutter, bitch.” She moaned and held her thighs, looking at Katsuki over her shoulder. “Fuck! ‘Suki! I need more… Please come stuff my pussy more! I need another cock in me~” She pouted and bounced her ass as she rode her brother, letting out lewd naughty sounds as she came hard on his cock. “Fuck Master! I didn’t ask to cum! I’m sorry~” Tomura growled and yanked her hair, ignoring her apology.

“Fuck, he’s jerking off. Just hurry the hell up, damn hero impostor.” Katsuki let out a small hiss and stepped towards them, pressing his cock hard against her tight pussy, surprisingly, her tight hole accepted him with ease. “Damn, he slid right in, you fucking wanted this, huh slut? How often do you make yourself cum by imagining us fucking you?” Tomura growled into her ear and slapped her as he fucked her more, rubbing her clit roughly.“Fuck- Katsuki! You’re so gentle~ Be rougher!” She pouted and pulled his hair a bit, making the blonde moan. “God dammit, Kyrie I’m trying not to lose it-” She moaned and leaned up to kiss him, rubbing her breasts as she did so, her swollen nipples sensitive and perky as she pulled on them. 

“Use your quirk on me! Burn me, fuck me! Just fucking use me like I’m a cock sleeve! I’m so fucking wet for you both right now, god please!” Shigaraki growled again and fucked her harder, continuing to slap his baby sister around as she came hard on his cock. Katsuki let out a desperate sound and smacked her ass, his quirk lighting up on contact, leaving an angry red burn, making her scream and cum all over again, multiple orgasms ripping any coherent thought she had to shreds. The two men were a mess as she came, so close to cumming themselves. “Fuck- Cumming! Kyrie you’re so fucking beautiful and perfect!” Katsuki was the first to cum, burying himself in as deep as he could as he came, only for Tomura’s huge cock to gush out tons of cum and flush the blonde’s own cum out as Kyrie just kept cumming.

Kyrie moaned and sat up once she’d recovered a bit. She hummed and smiled at the two. “That was amazing~” The two boys looked at each other and smirked. “Was?” Katsuki fell onto his back as Tomura picked up his sister and forced both of their cocks back into her tight pussy.

“We’re not done yet, slut.”“We’re not going to be done with you for hours, princess~”

[natsunoomoi]

Mental Health Post: I have a lot of thoughts

To start off, again, I’m back from a mental health break just for the election because the whole circus just shot my anxiety through the roof and became a lot more than I could handle. It was worse during the election 4 years ago when I was still in the US because the 24 hour news cycle just would not give me a break about it. Now in Japan at least, I more or less can thoughtfully manage my anxiety better by choosing when to go on Facebook or use things on the internet that will cause me to panic or worry. Like the actual ocean’s worth of distance and being surrounded by different media outlets mean that I can schedule time for myself on when to engage with worrying about doom. So there’s that and that’s a good thing, but I still spent some extra hours doom scrolling while waiting for results. Not as bad as it would have been if I were Stateside, but not great.

I’m definitely a lot more relaxed about the general political state of the country though. The shitshow isn’t over I know and more could come up between now and January 20th, but legally it’s mostly over because it looks like most judges and states aren’t willing to put up with stupid shenanigans.

More personal thoughts under the cut.

I am, however, absolutely still very concerned about the ongoing pandemic. Japan is handling it definitely much better than the US, but that’s a low comparison bar though. There’s still much to be improved and priorities that I think need to be rechecked. Not my country though so there isn’t anything I can really do about that. It’s just really irritating that my Mom is messaging me from the US about my finances though and acting like I have other choices which leads me to constantly remind her we’re in a fucking pandemic and there’s things I can’t do. Relatively I feel safer in my current job and prefecture that is handling it decently although some pockets of dumb people leave the prefecture and then bring corona back with them. Most of the people are smart though and don’t go anywhere so I feel relatively safe. If I were to look for another job, I would be looking at moving to the dangerous spreading zones and needing to interface with a butt ton of people that could cause me to catch the virus potentially. It’s frustrating. I don’t actually want to be rude to my Mom too when I talk to her, but considering it’s a literal life and death choice, I’ve found myself screaming at her or asking her how she can ask something so stupid. I just can’t with this. I’m tired of it, but I’m going to be responsible about it and keep myself and others around me safe.

Then also on my blog I’d recently been talking about this Chinese web novel I read. The more recent posts I’d been talking with someone about one particular character that did some very bad things according to the in-universe author and just the book in general, but like the person I was talking to seemed to maybe forget some of the details or was like trying to like whitewash the character’s actions. I think it’s been mostly resolved, but through the discussion an idea popped in my head that maybe they also don’t know what it’s like to have mental health problems either from personal experience or having a friend or loved one that has a really serious case. I’m making an assumption here of course, but that’s just the impression I got as someone who has a mental illness.

I am actually diagnosed with general anxiety disorder and I know that’s what I have right now and is the thing I deal with that isn’t going away. When I was younger though, I had symptoms and behavior that seemed similar to bipolar disorder, but I was never diagnosed and for the most part those symptoms were no longer present when I was finally able to talk to a professional when I sought help. I sought help because I had PTSD after being sexually harassed by a supervisor. The actual harassment though wasn’t really what caused the PTSD because I just thought he was an idiot. What made me mentally fall apart was the retaliation and the realization that oh this shit is really happening. All of my calm and coping symptoms went out the window and I slowly started having a breakdown. 

The above book discussion I was having reminded me of this time in my life though because the discussion was about whether or not the character would cross a line and do something that seemed like maybe they probably wouldn’t do normally because of whatever standards they have. If this was me before I had my mental breakdown, I would agree with the other user more. But because I went through my own time of the lowest low and feeling of absolute desperation and grasping at straws for help, I know that things are not that easy. The character in question is a survivor of severe abuse and trauma and has no substantial support system or anyone they can talk to. In comparison, I have been lucky to have friends that did stick by me to give me support, but there were some I still had to give up and cut out of my life and that hurt me greatly and helped contribute to my darkest moments. Some of it for me was absolute frustration with the fact that they wouldn’t pick a side even though my harasser very clearly did something wrong that was not in any way excusable. The other thing was the PTSD was making me super paranoid also and I was wondering if he was manipulating my friends to try to get close to me to hurt me more or something. I had always tried to be a good friend, but because I was going through this ordeal I felt like I was absolutely going crazy and some of the things I thought and felt I know was pushing people I cared about out of my life. It is very, very hard to have a relationship of any kind with someone with a mental illness when they are at their lowest. When they have dark moments, the self-destructive behavior kicks in. That’s why those are symptoms. I found myself at times so miserable that I would cross lines that I never thought before I would cross, and it was because for a short while the suffering was so great that I was literally just like, “Fuck it.” I was very fortunate that the things I attempted would have taken a great deal more set up in order to do any actual damage to my life, so once I cooled down I was okay and no actual harm was done, and I got help and changed my environment completely and met more healthy people. But when I read and thought about that character, knowing what that impulse felt like, I knew that if I was in their shoes and a “fuck it all” moment like that hit me, there’s a good chance that like that character allegedly did, I would cross a line and potentially betray one of my own values. I’m not that character and I can’t know exactly what that character feels, but having experienced what I have, I do think and feel like it is entirely possible that they are guilty of doing some horrible things. That’s what self-destructive behavior is and that’s why it’s a symptom of someone who needs help. In-canon with the story as well, the in-world author notes that they wanted to write a complex background and story for that character with reasons for why they ended up making horrible choices, but couldn’t for various reasons so all that was really seen was actions without context. To me, a more complex story that it sounds like that author wanted to write would be a deep exploration of that character struggling with their self-destructive behavior, self-loathing, and feelings of inadequacies. It would even be expressive or cathartic to readers who are struggling as well. The character not actually doing something and was “framed” or misunderstood by a jealous other character doesn’t sound like the complex backstory that the author said that they wanted to write. I’m not really sure what it is, but this exchange with this other user because they couldn’t see or understand self-destructive behavior really made me think that they’ve been lucky enough to never actually have to deal with it before. I can’t be sure, but it’s like, people who struggle speak the same language in some way.

So yeah, there’s all that too. It brought back some dark memories I needed to put some distance from too. I love the character a lot, but those were some painful memories I didn’t want to revisit or talk about. That way of thinking is so real to me though and I remember back to when I was capable of it. It scares me and I’m glad I got help and was able to get out of it and overcome to have a more peaceful life now, but I remember seeing that darkness in me. I’m very lucky mine I managed to only manifest in the most minimal of ways, but untreated it could have been worse. I suspect that in that character’s case, they experience the worst.

[coronavirusarchives]

March 23, 6:30 pm

I washed the patio today, which not only made my mom happy because it was previously a layer of pollen, but gave me ample time to look at the clouds. I'd never really thought too much about it before as a comparison, but I'd be willing to bet that Seattle has some of the best clouds in the world. Sure, most days the overcast skies are just a monotonous sea of grey, but when clouds part and the sun shines through, the variation is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. Thin, wispy cirrus clouds floating high in the sky, and underneath them some of the fluffiest cumulus clouds with so many shapes and sizes that they look like mountains in the sky. Giant, looming structures of white. All that with the sun illuminating the soft edges and the real mountains in the distance where the clouds let the sky show through. Also the clouds are thin enough that, where they do form a solid layer, the blue of the sky shows through, giving differentiation and as many shades of blue/grey as one could ever hope for.

In other news my brother and his girlfriend just walked in, and she just coughed, and I am mad. Especially if her and her sister have been sick very recently, there's no reason for them to be an exception to social distancing. I dont see why it matters much if they think it probably isnt coronavirus. Fevers were involved, literal countries have shut down for less, and everyone else is miserable at home, they can be too. I'm pretty pissed, I wont lie. Bruh I left the room and can still hear her coughing in the kitchen.

Edit: warning that this is just going to be me complaining. They're now holed up in the kitchen which is where I usually sit because David has his own office space in the basement alongside his bedroom, so now I'm stuck in my bedroom because those are the only 4 rooms we're allowed in. I recognize that I was already probably a hypochondriac before this (as my mom has so thoughtfully informed me on occasion), but they're making food so they're touching everything in the kitchen and all the food so if she is sick then we're all fucked, and I'm supposed to go to my dad's in two days and now I'm much more scared of getting him sick because he's legit old. I hate the way all of this has shaped the way I think about the world, and I just wish they had respected the general idea of self quarantining so that I wouldn't have to worry about this. Damn it she just coughed again, I don't know what I'd do if my dad got sick. I think this was immensely rude of my brother, as he too could get my dad sick and this is a blatantly dumb thing to do. Just a complete disregard of common sense.

[moczothe1st]

Let’s Play Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War, Part 30: Man, oh Man, oh Manfroy

Part 29

Welcome back to Fire Emblem IV: Genealogy of the Holy War.  Last week, we fought off like six armies all at once, and it was miserable, but on the plus side Hilda died. I think every game would be better if Hilda died.  This week, we finish taking her castle and… *sigh* And we regret it, probably.  This week, we start off mid-turn, so after moving most of my southern front up north toward the action, I end my turn and let the remainder of Hilda’s dorks take their shot.

… Why couldn’t they have gone down that easy last week, huh?!

Now, on our turn, the enemy is down to four dark mages with staves, and one dark bishop with a siege tome in the castle. I have Fee cut down one of the former…

And have Larcei and Seliph talk about love, because honestly I’m actually in no big hurry to finish this castle.

Larcei: I’m coming with you on this one!

Seliph: Of course you’re welcome to… but why?

Larcei: It’s odd… I’m actually a little scared…

Seliph: Odd indeed! If there’s one thing you’ve never been known for, it’s fear.

Larcei: It’s… I just…

Seliph: Shhh. I understand. Now come! After all, what could ever inspire courage quite like having you at my side.

(… Damn, Seliph, smooth like silk. You win a little more of my respect, bro.)

Larcei: Seliph…

This conversation gives Seliph +1 to his Strength; it was apparently supposed to be +3, but he was actually only one point away from his (oddly low) cap. Apparently Seliph only has a natural 25 strength cap! That seems weird considering his descent from Sigurd the Humungous.

And… sigh. Guess I should kill the stupid boss.

All right. Nothing left but sleep staves, and they can’t really hurt us. I have Fee and Altena purge them.

And now we have the problem dealt with. A little jumping around before I set off the next story segment; I have Finn zapped home, where he repairs and sells his Brave Lance. I’m going to have Fee buy it after we take Freege.  Sorry, Finn, but you’re kind of just not holding up; you lasted longer than I expected you too, but despite being decent on offense you’re just kind of fragile.  Oifey will also be benched here, I think, he can stay to defend Freege castle after we take it.  Thankfully…

… The game is polite enough to tell us where the next part of the chapter will be coming from. So I do spend a turn or two moving the kids up to this gate and ready to rock. Seliph?

Seliph: But I can’t help but wonder… are the children at Belhalla still unharmed? I pray they are…

Lewyn: Funny you should say that!

(That’s not really the appropriate response to dying children.)

Lewyn: We’ve got a visitor who’s got a bit of news on that front, Seliph.

(“I’ve seen… terrible things. Thank the gods I have no sister, for I fear I would never be able to look her in the eyes again.”)

Felipe: On secret orders from His Majesty, the abducted children were moved here to Freege for safe-keeping.

(Orders so secret that we never actually got to see Arvis give them in that whole scene where he was desperately trying to save all the children at Chalphy and failing, being immediately caught, and then getting cowed into submission by a man infinitely less powerful than himself. STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME FEEL BAD FOR ARVIS, GAME.)

Felipe: Rest easy, sire. They’re all hiding in the city’s abbey, and they’re all in good health.

Seliph: And all under Hilda’s nose, at that! That you’ve kept every last child safe in Hilda’s own city… color me impressed!

Felipe: Actually, sire… Princess Ishtar deserves your thanks. Without her generous aid given in secret, we could never have done this. No Imperial soldiers dared come even close to the abbey, on pain of the princess’s wrath.

Seliph: Princess Ishtar?! But why… why would she-

Felipe: Few people in this land are as kind and caring as Princess Ishtar.  

FEW PEOPLE IN THIS LAND ARE AS KIND AND CARING AS PRINCESS ISHTAR.

YEAH SHE’S A FUCKIN’ TREASURE.

Felipe: All along, the princess has toiled behind the scenes to aid our cause.  It was Princess Ishtar herself who ensured that every last child escaped from the bowels of Belhalla.

(“Then… how comes she’s… you know… literally banging the Devil?” “Technically he’s a ghost dragon.”)

Seliph: I see… at any rate, thank the gods for their safety. I’m certain everyone will be glad to know the children are in good hands. You have my deepest thanks, Lord Felipe.

Lewyn: Well, Seliph, that’s one job done. Good to see we’re finally getting results out of this mess.

(Hey, screw you man, I’ve conquered three quarters of the country.)

Seliph: And yet, Julia still eluds us… where could she possibly be?

Lewyn: The only options left now are Belhalla and Velthomer. It’s got to be one of those two.

Seliph: And Belhalla is where Julius awaits…

Lewyn: Yeah. We’ll need to find Julia first if we want to go anywhere near Belhalla. Without Julia’s power on our side, we won’t have a hope in hell against Julius.

(Again, not technically true, but you really should listen to him on this one.)

Seliph: But no matter what’s happened, Julius is still her brother. Will she even want to fight him…

Lewyn: … You’ll have to convince her.

(I mean, you’ve met Julius. It won’t be super hard.)

Ishtar: This will require that I leave your side, even for a while. I beg your forgiveness.

Julius: Feh.

Julius: Why the rush to get out there so suddenly, Ishtar? All the soldiers they could ever throw at us could never so much as scratch me. Why even bother with those maggots?

Ishtar: Yes, I know… but for me, there is no greater pride than being one of Freege’s great mages.

(“Saving all those children? Doesn’t even compare.”)

Ishtar: My parents and brother lie dead, and I cannot stand to leave their murderers to run amok… please. All I ask is a chance for vengeance.

Julius: It sounds as if what you really want is to following your family to death on a rebel’s blade! Are you so desperate to escape me, Ishtar?

Ishtar: No… nothing like that, Lord Julius. I love you. Nothing will ever change that.

Julius: Hmhmhmhmhm… I know.  

Julius: Very well! Fight if you must. I won’t stop you.

Ishtar: Thank you… now, I beg your pardon. Meng! Bleg! Mabel! We sortie at once.

(Oh god, we are really scraping the bottom of the name barrel this time. ‘Meng’?  ‘Bleg’?)

Julius: Now, then. I think it’s time we put an end to this sorry show. Deadlords, move out!  And order Arion’s unit to attack!

(… wait, what?)

So. You may recall I told you to remember this moment.

It was important for two reasons.

First: This is the moment the war becomes winnable. You see, Manfroy is not… really all that into Loptyr. Oh, he worships him, but it’s not really about loyalty so much as sadism. Manfroy hates the world, and every single human being in it. His overall goal in life is nothing more or less than to make humanity suffer as much as possible. But he’s generally pragmatic about it. He knew the best way to hurt humanity was to revive Loptyr, who possesses incredible powers and views humans as little better than food to eat and pets to abuse. This moment, right here, is the moment that Manfroy, flush with overconfidence in the presence of his god on earth and having enjoyed a long decade and a half tormenting the entire continent, finally makes a mistake. He lets his sadism overpower his common sense for the first time. And in so doing, he gives us a real shot.

Second: Because he’s still Manfroy, he’s a total fuckwad about it.  

Remember Ayra? Waaaaaaaaay back in Verdane, remember how we recruited Ayra. How we had to get to a castle to turn her non-hostile to us, only she was between the army and the castle and she was trying to kill us the whole time?

Yeah, that’s happening again. Only it’s Julia, our lil’ atomic vampire gatling gun trying to kill us. Of course she’s just as strong as she was when she was on our side, why would you even ask.  Oh, and just for fun…

Here’s the map of what we need to achieve.  The blue X is where we are. The red X is where we need to get to save Julia.  The ravenous piranha is Ishtar’s army, waiting to pounce upon us and tear us limb from bloody limb.  And to her right, marked by the douche, is Julius. You don’t have to fight him, and you in fact definitely should not because getting anywhere near him will also draw the Deadlords out to fight you, but of course has a siege tome now and will cheerfully wreck the shit of anyone who gets anywhere near him, therefore heavily limiting the space we have to move.

And of course, Julia will be trying to kill us the whole time, and we can’t fight back and risk killing her.

And hahaha, yeah, Arion will be showing up soon.  

This is not going to be any fun, is what I’m getting at here.

First thing’s first, let’s take a look at our piranha.  

Ishtar has taken yet another level in badass; her magic has gone up two points, skill by three, luck by 2, defense by eight, and resistance by one. And this time, she’s got an actual army with her instead of fighting us alone; three Snipers, three Heroes, three Sages, three High Priests with Fortify (of course) staves, and of course…. *snerk*…. Bleg, Meng, and Mabel.

They’re three identical Falcon Knights, both in picture and stats, so I’ll only be showing one of them. Despite the intensely crappy names, they honestly three ridiculously dangerous units. They all have Earth Swords, meaning any hit they land is going to heal them, and they’ll be hitting often what with that maxed-out Speed and solid 23 skill. And to make things worse, they all have the Nihil ability to prevent us from just shooting them down with arrows or relying on Astra to solve our problems.  

So! This is going to suck. A lot. But thanks to Ced being awesome, there’s an option I can take to make this a lot more manageable.  Lana sells her Silence staff, and he buys it…

And with his 35 fucking magic he can overpower Ishtar’s 32 Resistance to Silence her up to three times, basically removing Mjolnir from the equation for this battle. And Mjolnir is like… half of this battle’s equation.

I literally cannot believe I’ve never tried this before.  From here, the army moves forward, Seliph leading the way; he’ll be attacked by quite a lot of people here, but he’s a living iron wall of destruction, and the more of these people I can lure away from the main melee, the better.  So. End turn!

(*sigh* Must you, now?)

Arion: Chalphy’s fall to our blades shall be the first step to winning back our fatherland. Now, move in! Show these liberators one final defiance from the drackoknights of Thracia!

A solid enough start! We hurt one Falcon Knight, and didn’t take much damage in return.  And now that Ishtar is in range…  

Oh, that is delicious.  Now, my first goal here is to kill at least one of these three annoyingly fast pega-bitches, but I also have to get Altena (and yes it has to be her, of course it has to be her) down to the castle to intercept Arion.  I hate everything forever.

One down!  Let’s keep this train rolling and clear out some more jerks.

Two out of three ain’t bad!

Okay, I think that’s about all the damage I’m going to get done this turn.  And not bad at all, frankly, so I’m happy.  I have Lene dance Altena, and warp her home with Lana.

Ignore the pentagram. It’s a good pentagram. Down at the bottom, Altena equips Gae Bolg and flies to just outside Arion’s range. The rest of his buddies don’t matter at all, but I don’t want her to fight him. There’s a reason for this, of course. It’s unsatisfying, but it makes her happy.

The things I do for my kids, I swear.

End turn.  

… Huh. They don’t attack her? Or maybe they can’t damage her. I honestly am not sure.

*sniff*

I remember the last time I played this map.

I died five times on this battle alone.

And now it’s going better than the fight against the fucking Beige Knights.

I don’t understand what’s going on.

Altena: How could you be so craven?! How dare you place your vanity and pride over what truly matters!

(You tell him, honey!)

Arion: What do you want from me, then?

(God, don’t ask her that. This LP is not rated Adults Only.)

Altena: Take a good, hard look at Prince Seliph! Ask yourself, this: why is he still fighting? For whom is he out here day after day, setting his own suffering to the side?

Arion: So Seliph fights for justice, and I somehow do not? Is that what you’re trying to say?

(…. YES!)

Altena: Very well, Arion… if you won’t see reason, so be it. Come on. Kill me. End this. My… my life is in your hands. I die with no regrets.

Arion: A-Altena… very well. You can rest easy now. I get it. I was wrong… my mercenary days are at an end, and my final task is with Seliph. Wait… no. With you. I now fight for you, Altena.

Altena: Arion…

Yeah, it would have been neat if you’d done this a few maps ago, jackass, but Arion is on our side now. Or, well, sorta. He doesn’t join the army, but his unit becomes neutral and are programmed to stay close to Altena and be hostile to any Belhalla units that get near them. I know we all sort of wanted to kill him, but he still has Gungnir and I really just didn’t want to risk a screwup when things are going so well.  I mean, I’m not even gonna use him. At this point, letting him get near the enemy would likely result in him rushing Julius and dying, which sorta defeats the point. Let’s just end this; time to wipe out the remains of Ishtar’s unit.

And now, a special treat. Since Ishtar can’t fight, we get to see a conversation that even I have never actually seen.

(…. ‘Nothing but kind’.)

(Just sayin’.)

Ishtar: … I may be in the wrong. But I can’t turn back now. Forgive me, Tinni… please….

And thus passes Princess Ishtar of Freege. She died as she lived: getting nuked by her cousins. And without her leadership stars…

All right. Now, the rest of the army is going to stay right where they fucking are. Julia cannot be trusted to not kill herself, or more troublesome to not kill me.  The only people going forward are Seliph and Ares, who are going to go north across the forest, out of Julius’s range, and try to lure Julia into following them. Their resistance is tremendous, and they’re both on horses. Ideally she’ll try to kill them, fail, and be following them and unable to catch up until I can free her. This will take a few turns of nothing but movement because I will not be going anywhere near Julius.

Trust me.

She seeeeeeeeeees uuuuuuuuuuussssss…

Okay. There’s two things that could happen here. She’s either going to go east and cut us off, in which case we’ll be dodging vampire lasers the rest of the map, or she’s going to go north through the forest and we basically win the game.  Let’s see!

…. Bitch. Okay, straight west you guys! Hide on the healing church, you beautiful bastards. God, haven’t used one of those in awhile, with those fifty healers in the army lining up to zap everyone with staves.

Dammit, Loptyrians, I am trying to flee in terror from a small woman.

Okay. We can do this. Ares heals up, and all we have to do is clear out those priests and kill Manfroy. Go get ‘em, boys!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Are you fucking kidding me.  

Of all the.

That.

I.

I.

You.

HOW.

What the!

NO.

………………

Well. You know all those times when I was questioning my good fortune? The moments where I was like ‘oh, man, I don’t trust how generous the game is being, bet it’s gonna screw me later!’ Well, that just happened.

*sigh*

End turn. If I survive this, I will be genuinely stunned.

Oh hey it’s as though the Hel tome is really easy to dodge and you should have dodged it all along. But here we go…

(How do you know that’s Manfroy? You’ve never met him…)

Manfroy: So I did. And so long as I live, my puppet she shall remain! Hehehehehe!  She’s every bit as helpless before my magic as her mother was…

Seliph: I should have known. If not for you, Mother… Gah! All of this misery… all these agonizing years… It was all your doing from the outset!

Manfroy: Heh… of course. Everything I’ve done has led to this moment: the revival of my lord Loptyr. And at last, it is so! Loptyr’s advent in the form of Prince Julius is complete, and darkness shall soon engulf the world. You cannot prevent it. Nobody can…

Seliph: Manfroy, you… Father’s grief… Mother’s despair… if not for you and your foul ambitions, none of this would have ever happened… Damn you, Manfroy! I cannot allow you to win! I will not! You’ll NEVER know mercy for your crimes!

Yeah, not the dramatic win I was hoping for after that great speech. But I guess I saw that coming.  Reset! I start off a little differently; Seliph and Ares park themselves on trees. With the 20% dodge bonus, they should have no chance of being hit by Hel, and very little of being hit by Julia. We need to clear out these Dark Mages before we go for Manfroy.

Better! This repeats for all of them; one actually dies because they’re forced to attack at close-range thanks to being blocked off by their own buddies, which is great.

Yeah, yeah.

He only does one damage. Seliph could have survived him with no problem in any other situation. I hate this game sometimes. On our turn, I have Ares and Seliph each clear out a mage…

Then immediately go hide in the woods again. I am playing this as cautious as humanly possible, honestly. Better to spend three turns killing mages than let the reset counter jump up above the number of updates.

The enemy misses again on their turn, because they literally can’t not miss. Two more deaths…

All right! That’s that for dark mages. On the next turn, Ares is going to park his butt on the healing church forever, and Seliph goes to fight Manfroy.

You stay out of this.

Now then. It’s time. It’s time to face Manfroy himself.  In direct combat. The enemy behind it all! The dark schemer who has given over our kingdom to the dark god.  And he…

Is a loser.  I mean, he’s not the worst enemy in the game. He’s okay. But he’s definitely no match for Arvis, or Ishtar, or… anyone with a holy weapon, really.  Which fits, really; his danger is his skill and intellect, not his power.  But considering he’s basically the final boss, it’s a little sad, still.

Seliph. Teach him some manners, bro.

And with two shots, he’s down to six HP.  End turn.

I miss the days when I was the one with the Julia Beams.

*sniff*

God. That is just cathartic to do. Now. With Manfroy off to Hell, where I’m assuming he will meet Hilda and strike up a whirlwind love affair, Seliph can take the castle.

Lewyn: That’s right, isn’t it Felipe?

Felipe: My liege concealed the key within his most treasured memento…. The circlet once worn by Empress Deirdre.

(HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRK!)

Felipe: If we can find that circlet, sir, the Book of Naga is yours.

Lewyn: Deirdre’s circlet…

And that’s that! Ares runs toward the castle, with intent to lure Julia toward us. Of course she’s still hostile, why are you even asking? She has to talk to Seliph to get back to our side. Tee-hee, Fire Emblem hates you.

God, you are just like your mother. Seliph, go fix this please.

Seliph: It was Manfroy’s dark arts. He brainwashed you into his service.

Julia: Manfroy… that’s right, he caught me…

Seliph: Thank goodness you’re safe.  

Julia: Lord Seliph, I…

Seliph: It’s fine, Julia. I know. Lewyn told me everything. I’m sorry… I failed to protect you.

Julia: No… it’s fine. Don’t worry, Seliph. I finally know why I’ve survived for all these years. I know my fate… I’m fated to fight. I’ll never run away again!

Seliph: You’re right… This is the will of fate, tragic as it is. None can afford to cower or flee now. Until the bitter end, we must march on.

And with that, Julia rejoins the team. She’s just as strong as ever, barring one fact; she’s picked up Deirdre’s circlet, adding Renewal and Miracle to her list of abilities, which is a heck of an upgrade.

But not as good as the one she gets from reaching Velthomer.

Lewyn: It worked… it really worked! And there it is, the Book of Naga! It’s yours for the taking, Julia!

Julia: … Oh! How strange… it feels so warm. It’s almost as if I’ve known this book all my life…

And now, the game is over. See, here’s the thing… Julius is just as dangerous as before, if not slightly moreso. His stats are slightly lower than his first appearance where you are very clearly not meant to fight him, but he still has Loptyr’s game-breaking effect, and his ability list is now Wrath, Pursuit, Nihil, and Accost. So he can double most of our army, null critical hits and combat abilities, and gets a huge critical boost when his health drops below half. And of course, he’s on a castle and gets the defense bonus and health regeneration that gives. Basically, he’s borderline invincible. The only real option if you lose Julia is to have Seliph fight him, and poor Seliph can only do about 15 damage per turn (if he hits) some of which will then be healed.  While getting blasted in the face repeatedly, so you’ll need to get someone in to heal him between rounds, and they’ll very probably die to having Meteors dropped on their head unless you’re very lucky. And then there’s the Deadlords, who are just a pain.  

But if you do have Julia…

Yeah.

YEEEEEEEEEAH.  

Naga is the best weapon in the game. +20 each to Skill, Speed, Defense, and Resistance, instantly turns Julia into a hyper-fast, hyper-accurate, hyper-durable killing machine. And as a light magic tome, it has no disadvantage to any kind of weapon. And, of course, it negates Loptyr’s half-damage effect.  Your reward for the most annoying recruitment in the game is the weapon that ends the game. Big time.

So.  

It’s time to lay back and let Big J play us out, I think. I have her do the Arena, just for old times sake. Nothing even touches her.

Julia: Seven wins, gained two levels. +2 HP, +1 Speed.

About as good as can be expected at this point, honestly. And it…. Doesn’t really matter, you know? She heads to Belhalla, and Julius has no chance to hit her with Meteor, so he doesn’t even try.  The Twelve Deadlords rush up to meet her, of course…

They’re going to regret this. The Deadlords are named for the animals of the Chinese Zodiac, and each one has a different class and some very good weapons and abilities. They’re a dangerous group! Usually.  

One down, eleven to go. End turn.  

And then there were nine.

Sorry, seven.

Six of one, half-dozen of the other.

Fun fact, ‘Lepus’ means ‘Rabbit’. And ‘Dead’.

Well I’ll be! Someone landed a hit!  Too bad Julia did too. Four to go.  

I’m so bad at counting! It’s actually three. Congrats to Equus the Bishop on surviving a round with The Julinator.  But with that, none of the remaining Deadlords will actually take a shot at Julia anymore, so I’m just going to ignore them. It’s time for a family reunion.

(He isn’t wrong.)

Yes, that was a single round of combat. Julius procced his Accost skill and made the fight last an extra round. This… was not helpful to him.

Julius vanishes, the spirit of the dragon arising from the castle as the entire map shakes…

But it’s just bluster. Naga’s power has destroyed Loptyr’s vessel, and with its bloodline finally ended the dragon’s grip on this world is gone. Loptyr returns to whatever void it came from, and with the power that animated them gone, the few surviving Deadlords vanish.  

I’m going to cut out here, but no sense waiting a week, huh? So see you tomorrow for the epilogue, kids. I think we earned it.

Final Reset Total: 30.  Y... yay.

Epilogue

[bonestructureandcontempt]

This is an immensely, deeply personal post about personal issues and experience spurred on by current events. I mention this as a preface in the hopes that if you read this, you will understand this isn’t a post that warrants reblogging or spreading in any way and I’m not even gonna tag it. Obviously, tumblr’s search algorithm being what it is, you may encounter this post and not even know who I am or follow me and while I can’t stop you from reading my blog, please just know I am writing this for my own peace of mind and not for notes. I’m going to put a cut below this paragraph but I don’t know if that will matter on tumblr mobile. I’m sorry if you’re bombarded with a wall of text you didn’t ask for.

We’ve barely had time to process how incredibly ill-advised it was that Elizabeth Warren actually took a DNA test to prove Native American ancestry to spite Donald Trump and inadvertently opened up a can of worms that exposed her personal racism and cultural appropriation AND how much indigenous people are still shit on in this country. Then the news broke about HHS and Title IX and the erasure of gender identity by the administration seeking to edge trans people out of society. THEN the migrant caravan news broke and with that came the usual conspiracy theories from the Right that this was a ploy by the Democrats to sway the midterm elections despite the fact that at the rate those refugees are moving, they wouldn’t reach the southern border of the US until well after the election. Or you know, falling back on the classic antisemitic trope that it was being funded by George Soros for the purpose of invading America for white genocide. And THEN the MAGAbomber shit happened. And the day after they caught him was when the shooting in Pittsburgh happened. And now here we are. I know there’s other incidents, I haven’t even mentioned the Brazilian election or Jamal Khashoggi or the murders of Gregory Bush and Vickie Jones in Kentucky. Point is you know as well as I do that we’re living in hellfire fanned joyfully by racists, antisemites, misogynists, homophobes, and transphobes on parade. Every bigotry since the dawn of whiteness is here, it’s in our face.

Meanwhile, I just spent part of my past weekend holding a friend while they cried and hyperventilated because of everything the fascists are doing to roll back trans rights, trying and failing not to weep openly myself because what the fuck am I supposed to say? That’ll it get better? That milquetoast Democrats nobody actually likes or is inspired by MIGHT sweep the Midterms and end the Trump administration? Or that one of those same Democrats MAY win in 2020 but the Republicans’s campaign of obstruction they waged in Obama’s tenure will just start all over again and inspire more right-wing hatred and oh, by the way, Brett Kavanaugh is still on the Supreme Court regardless? What? What do you say to the people you love when they’re scared that their very humanity will be made forfeit in Fascist America? I didn’t even have words this past Saturday for my sister or her parents who treat me like one of their own and opened my eyes to how wonderful Judaism could be and inspire me to convert and who I fear for every fucking day someone will do them like that monster who shot up Tree of Life and I won’t be able to do a fucking thing about it. All I could tell her was that I loved her and that I hoped she was having fun wherever she was. And y’know, post on the internet like I always do, seeing all the ghoulish displays of Right-wing antisemitism I’ve come to understand only too well come to the surface. If there’s any solace to be gained from this, it’s from watching Gab get deplatformed and watch its dipshit founder Andrew Torba beg his beloved leader Donald Trump for help but be ignored.

America has always had glaring bigotry problems but today it is governed by fascists, gleeful, triumphant fascists. That is the truth, but do our journalists say it? No. They dance around it still and use cutesy euphemisms when the President and his goons and sycophants lie to us. They even go on and on about how the administration is waging a war on journalism but they won’t even fight back in a meaningful way and just say the fascists are fascists! Worse still, organizations like the New York Times or NPR will run profile after profile on right-wing figures, allowing them to broadcast their views without any debate or repudiation, thus normalizing them in the public conscience.

I've long liked to keep my ear to the ground when it comes to the Right and observe their patterns and learn their tactics so I can know when they make pushes for the mainstream. It's how I knew what "alt-right" was before Hillary Clinton talked about it. It's how I've been aware what Gab was and what kind of people used it before the shooting over the weekend. It’s how I’ve recognized that the old tastemakers of the conservative movement from the Clinton and Bush years, guys like Rush Limbaugh and Sean Hannity are all biting Alex Jones’ style now and peddling conspiracy theories about Democrats because that shit fucking SELLS. I’m not a journalist, not a detective, I didn’t go to school for any of that. I’m just a millennial raised on the internet like many of my peers. I was also raised as a conservative Catholic and spent much of my adolescence with talk radio and Fox News in the background. I think that’s what started me down this path. It helped that I also was familiar with sites like 4chan and sorta came rehabilitated from channer culture when I first joined Tumblr back in 2011.

In the past three years or so, I have watched the kind of language and ideas that used to only be used by fringe kooks, away from "normie" eyes in forums and threads you would never go to, end up on the evening news. And now even folks left of center use that language. “Fake News.” “Snowflake.” “Triggered.” Plays on “Make America Great Again.” Sure they mostly do it ironically and I’m not gonna yell at anybody for it, especially when I’m guilty of it too, but I also know it means that American culture leans just a bit more right in the Trump era, no matter how hard neoliberal capitalism tries to make us think otherwise with woke branding. This is so stupid and I could easily get made fun of for this, but I feel like an undercover cop who's been under too long and is never gonna be the same because of what I've seen and how woefully unequipped our institutions were and are to combat it. This knowledge is a curse and has only made me miserable because it will never end and I can never stop. At the risk of my own sanity, I can’t stop. I can’t remain ignorant of what these jackals want to do. What they WILL do. I can’t just “self care” myself away from this. 

And I’m angry. I’m angry all the time. I barely feel like myself anymore, I struggle to revert back to a “self” that existed before now. I struggle to enjoy things I love, even in the presence of the people I love. As much as I fear for the safety of my family, the one that matters, I also fear they won’t recognize me anymore before long. I don’t want my anger to be all there is. 

Maybe I’m just depressed and it’ll pass. 

Hey, if you read all the way through this little message in a bottle:

Here’s a good tweet  by Rabbi Dunya Ruttenberg.

Here’s a link to the GoFundMe for the victims of the Tree of Life Synagogue shooting.

[all-the-love-harold]

Paris in October - Part 3

Part 1 I Part 2 

You were sat next to Harry on a private jet that was taking you to London and you couldn’t believe that just two weeks ago you were sitting on your couch in your tiny apartment in Sydney considering cancelling your trip to Paris all together because you were afraid you’d get lonely by yourself.

After the show the other night you had gone back to your hotel room completely buzzing from what had just happened.  You found it hard to believe that not only had Harry asked you to go to his show in Paris, but he had now asked you to go back to London with him.  He had a show in Germany on Friday which gave you time to pack all your stuff up before he came back to Paris to meet you.

It was only a short flight, but it gave you more of a chance to get to know Harry, which you were grateful for considering you were going to be spending the next week or two with him in a place you’d never been before. You were excited to see the UK, you’d always want to spend more time there, but you could never bring yourself to miss Paris in October and you never had enough time or money to do both. But here you were, on a private jet, with an incredibly handsome, down to earth guy that wanted to show you around his home country.

“So, this ex of yours sounds like a dick” Harry said in attempt to get to know you a little better

“Yeah, we were together for like 9 years, and when I got a job in the city and had to move away it got too much he dumped me”

“*whistles* wow 9 years”

“Yep, I was 14 when it started, I always saw myself marrying him” you admitted “apparently not”

“You’re better off without him, a job in the city is way more interesting than a home town boyfriend”

“You’re not wrong there, I don’t particularly like Sydney, but I’m so glad I moved out of my hometown, I love my job”

“What do you do?”

“I’m a play therapist, I use play to help sick kids understand what they’re going through”

“Now that just sounds like the best job ever”

“Not as great as yours” you said gesturing around the plane

“I’m very lucky to get to do all this” he nodded

“You sure are” you smiled “I should let my friend know that I’m going to London with you, She’ll freak” you said, searching through you bag for your phone. Once you found it Harry took out of your hand

“Let’s send her a photo of the both of us” he said, opening the camera app and leaning in close to you to take a selfie. You took the phone back, looking at the photo

“I look like shit, but you look good, and that’s all she’ll be looking at anyway”

“Are you kidding Y/N, you look incredible”

You giggled, enjoying the compliments, while it had only been a month since you and Mike had broken up, it had been a long time since you had felt beautiful around a guy, and Harry definitely made you feel beautiful.  

On our way to London!!!

WHAT THE FUCK Y/N!!!

THAT’S HARRY FUCKING STYLES

WHY ARE YOU GOING TO LONDON??????????

WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED THE OTHER NIGHT?!!!

DID YOU FUCK HIM? BC THAT’S ONE HELL OF A REBOUND

Hahaha no! I didn’t sleep with him! I was backstage at his show and I met his band and we drank champagne that was probably worth more than my entire life, and I said I didn’t really have anything planned for the rest of my trip, so he asked me to come back to London with him

And now we’re here, on a private jet, about to land in London

What did I tell you about getting onto private jets with strangers?!!?!

If I’m to quote 17 year old you correctly “life’s too short to pretend you don’t like Harry Styles” and I’m on a private jet with Harry Styles, so I’m taking your advice

Omg you didn’t tell him I used to say that did you?!?!?!

Maybe

I hate you

You don’t

I don’t you’re right, but please be careful, I know he’s pretty and famous and you’ve been listening to me talk about him for years, but you’ve just met the guy and if you end up dead in a foreign country I’ll have to kill you

There was a car waiting for you and Harry outside the airport once you’d made it through security. The car took you back to his place and you spent the majority of the journey looking out the window, admiring the city.

“I can’t believe you’ve been coming to Paris for the last five years and the most you’ve seen of London is Heathrow airport”

“It’s a great airport”

He laughed as the car pulled up outside his house, thanking the driver and helping you out of the car, making sure to grab both yours and his luggage out of the boot.

“I can carry my stuff Harry”

“Now I wouldn’t be much of a gentleman if I let you carry your own bags, would I” He said punching the code into the security gate, struggling to hold all the bags “My keys are in my pocket, you mind grabbing them out?”

“Sure” You giggled, reaching into his left pocket, getting dangerously close to his crotch but getting hold of the keys quickly “Which one is it?”

“The big one” he motioned towards the biggest one that on the key chain, and you grabbed it and unlocked the door and walked in “don’t go too far, the alarm will go off” and you stopped dead in your tracks not wanting to set it off. He put the bags down and punched the code into the alarm turning it off

“Go free” He chuckled, and you walked ahead, looking around, feeling very out of place in such an incredible house. Your apartment was nice, but nothing like this. He watched as you looked around, a little in awe of how beautiful you were when you were so unaware of it.

He took you upstairs and showed you were you would be staying for the next few days, he had offered to pay for you to stay in a hotel if you didn’t feel comfortable staying with him, but you’d spent enough time by yourself recently and thought it would be nice to stay in a real house for a few days and he was more than happy to have you. The room was beautiful, with a king-sized bed and a window overlooking London, you were glad to be here, and excited to see what Harry had planned for you over the next few days.

That afternoon, after you’d both had a chance to rest a little, Harry decided to take you out for a walk in the park that was down the road from his house. He’d always loved it there, in the summer it was so green and luscious, the trees that lined the path provided much needed shade from the sun and it was always filled with people, out enjoying the warm weather, usually with their pets, and if it was possible, the park was even more beautiful at this time of the year, filled with orange leaves and almost bare trees. Harry took your hand as you walked down the path, the park was almost empty, expect for a few people walking their dogs.

“It’s a squirrel!” you stopped walking and let go of Harry’s hand so that you could point to the squirrel. He chuckled at how excited you were and watched as you moved closer to the edge of the path.

“Never seen a squirrel before love?”

“Shhhh, you’ll scare it away”

Harry laughed at you some more “They’re used to people love, he’s not going to run away, unless you get too close”

“Look at his little paws Harry, look how cute he is”

“Honestly love, have you not seen one before?”

“We don’t have them in Australia, oh my god, look at the way he runs, look at him go, I love him”

The squirrel ran back up the tree and you put your phone away while Harry grabbed your hand again, leading you off the path towards the pond that sat opposite the deserted playground. You stayed there for a while watching the ducks and chatting about Harry’s tour, before he noticed that you were starting to get cold. The sun was setting, and the wind had picked up a little and what had started out as a lovely afternoon stroll, was beginning to turn miserable as it got colder.

“Should we head back?” he asked, pressing a kiss to your hand “Your hands are freezing”

“They’re always cold, but I wouldn’t mind heading back now”

“I make a mean hot chocolate, if we stop by the corner shop on the way past, I’ll grab everything, and we’ll warm up with those before we have dinner”

“I’ll never say no to chocolate”

The store looked like it was getting ready to close when you walked in, but Harry quickly grabbed the milk, cocoa powder and a bar of chocolate, knowing exactly where everything would be and took them to the counter to pay.

“Harry!” The shop assist said, “Long time no see, where have you been?!”

“On tour” He flashed that dimpled smile at the old man “Got a show in London tomorrow night, you coming?”

“Me?” the man laughed “Sorry H, not really my cup of tea”

“You don’t know what you’re missing” you chimed in, winking at Harry, hoping that he would notice

“New Friend H?” he winked at Harry

“This is Y/N, I met her in Paris, but she’s never been to England before, so I thought I’d show her around”

“I’m George” he said reaching his arm out to introduce himself, you shook his hand “H has been coming here since he moved to London, he’s my most valued customer, disappears a lot though”

“I bet” you laughed as harry took his wallet out of his pocket

“8 pound 50” Harry handed over a 20-pound note

“Keep the change, that’ll make up for my absence” he took the bag off the counter and you grabbed your hand “Cya George”

“It was nice to meet you” you said as you walked away. The walk back to Harry’s wasn’t long but it had gotten much colder outside, so you were glad to see house appear when you turned the corner. Once you got inside, Harry took your coat off for you and hung it up on the hook near the door, and doing the same with his own and making his way to the kitchen and filling a pot with the milk he had just bought. You sat down on one of the stools that sat under the island bench and watched as he chopped the chocolate up.

“This better be good Styles, I’ve got high hopes”

“Maybe lower your expectations a little, it’s good, but not that good”

“Chocolate’s chocolate” you admitted “Where can I find the mugs?”

“Top left” he said adding the chocolate to the milk and stirring until it melted, while you took two mugs out of the cabinet and placed them on the bench beside the stove. He turned the stove off and poured the milk into the mugs, topping it off with some marshmallows and cocoa powder.

“All yours” he said, handing you a mug “Let’s go sit in the living room, I’ll put the heater on”

You followed him into the living room and sat down on the couch, and he sat down right next you, after turning the heater on.

“You’re right, you do make a mean hot chocolate”

He smiled, taking a sip “I told you”

“So I’ve told you about my ex, it’s your turn to tell me about yours, and don’t try and pretend you’ve only got a few, Suze has given me the rundown ”

He looked at you for a second, contemplating what he could say next, not wanting to make himself look bad “How much do you know?”

“Taylor Swift, Kendell Jenner, and a few others, you don’t have to tell me everything, just give me something, so that I don’t feel like I’ve over shared”

He nodded, staying quiet for a minute “Taylor was a long time ago, so was Kendell really, it’s been a long time since I’ve dated anyone”

You nodded, edging a little closer to him “Have you ever been in love?”

“I don’t think so, have you?” he asked without really thinking “Sorry, that’s a stupid question, you were in a 9 year relationship”

“I don’t know if that was love or convenience though, it was easier to stay together than it was to break up, until I moved”

He put his mug down on the coffee table and put his arm around you “It must be hard to move on from something like that, even if you weren’t in love with him, he was a big part of your life”  

You leant your head on his chest, this was the first time in weeks that you’d let yourself think about it properly and you were glad that Harry was here to comfort you. You turned you head and looked up at him “Thank you, for being so understanding” you said, “I’ve known you for less than a week but you’ve made being on the other side of the world a little easier”

He leant down, brushing his lips against yours “It’s been my pleasure love” he pulled back a little, so that he could look into your eyes and placed his hand in your jaw touching it softly “You deserve more than what he gave you.” His eyes lingered on your lips for a second and then he kissed you tenderly, cupping your face with both his hands and slowly pulling back to pepper little kisses along your jaw before returning to your lips and kissing you deeply.

The rest of the evening was spent stealing kisses from one another while you watched movies that you’d both seen before. You both called it an early night and went to bed by 10, knowing tomorrow would be a busy today.

***  

The next day was spent exploring London with Harry. He made sure to avoid all the tourist spots, instead taking you to all his favourite places, most of them private enough for him to stay hidden from prying eyes, but still out and about in the city. You were quickly falling in love with this city, and Harry was quickly falling in love with you. He was completely in awe of you, he appreciated the normalcy of your life but saw a side of you that was far from dull. Your light hearted, and relaxed personality was a nice change from the intensity of women he had previously dated, and your shared sense of humour meant that spending time together was a lot of fun.

That afternoon, before he had to head to the venue for the first of the two London shows, you found yourselves sitting on a bench at Primrose Hill, overlooking London sipping on two warm cups of tea, enjoying a moment of peace before things got crazy tonight.

“I want you to meet my Mum tonight” he said as he took a sip from his mug

“It’s a little early isn’t it?” you weren’t expecting Harry to introduce you to his family yet, ever really. You were really enjoying what the two of you had, and as much as you liked him, you couldn’t see it lasting much longer than your trip “I only met you four days ago”

“I really like you Y/N, I told you last night that I haven’t dated in a long time, but I can see us being together, I want this to work, I want it to be more than a Holiday fling”

“I live in Australia Harry, it’s a 23-hour flight”

“That’s why I want you to meet my mum tonight, I’ll make it work with us, I’ll be there in a couple of weeks anyway with the tour and if things are still working between us, I’ll make sure I come visit whenever I have time off, and I don’t know when I’ll get the chance to introduce you to her again”

“This is all moving very fast H” you said finishing off your tea

“I know love, but that’s kinda how things are with me, if things don’t move fast then they don’t move at all”

“I do really like you Harry, please don’t think I don’t, but I hardly know you”

“You’ll get to know me, just give it a chance”

“It’s a lot of pressure meeting you Mum”

“It’ll just be a quick introduction tonight, and if you come to Manchester with me in a few days, you can talk again”

“I can deal with that” you said resting your head on his shoulder “and of course I’m coming to Manchester with you, I’ve got nothing else to do”

He laughed, planting a gentle kiss on your head. Hearing Harry tell you that he wanted this to be more than a holiday fling had you excited, you liked him a lot, but everything that’s happened since you met him had been so surreal but, you couldn’t imagine a world where you dating Harry Styles would actually work. You were, however, going to give it chance, because you liked him a lot than you expected you would. In the last four days you had felt more special than you had in the nine years you had been with Mike. You were falling for Harry and as fast as it was going, you didn’t want it to stop.

And that’s part 3! I hope you’re all enjoying it so far, it’s looking like there’s going to be two more parts, and if there’s anything you’d like to see happen, please let me know 

Master List 

[aboysbestfriendishismum]

Chapter 49 - The surfer, the nice guy and James’ brother

In the previous chapter: Eddie's in San Diego and his friend Craig visits him. He also teases Eddie about Angie and asks to show him a picture, since he's sure he's got at least one. Of course he's right. Grace goes to the beauty salon Meg works at to have her hair cut, they talk about her relationship with Stone. Grace thinks they're at the very beginning and she's not in a hurry to take things to the next level. Angie flew to San Diego for the Mookie's show, but she finds out the concert will be the following day and that Alice in Chains' backup band for that night is someone called Pearl Jam that she doesn't know.

**

“Angie, wait, calm down! Could you talk a little slower, please? I didn't understand shit. I've never heard so many words coming out from your lips all at ones. I mean, I probably never heard you say so many words in general since I first met you” Meg stops me as I'm trying to summarize all the disasters occured to me during the few hours passed since we said bye this morning. Anyway, wasn't that joke mine? We've been living together for less than a year and she's already started talking like me.

“I'd love to if I had an unlimited stash of quarters, but that's not the case” I say right as I put some more coins into the payphone.

“Ok but you sound like a 33 record pitched up to 45, you're scaring me. What do you mean the show was canceled? Where are you now? And what's this music?”

“Livingston Taylor, I'm in a café. I don't know if it was canceled of Eddie simply mixed up the dates. The fact is the concert is tomorrow, at least for the Alice guys. No trace of Mookie, neither today or tomorrow, they're nowhere to be seen...” I explain answering her questions in reverse order.

“From what I can hear, a bar for suicide candidates” she asks, showing she understood only the first part of my answer.

“Can we talk about the music selection of this place another time?”

“And who the hell is Livingston Taylor??”

“I guess the answer is no. It's James' brother”

“Does he sing too? How do you know him?”

“I'll try again: can we go back to my problem?”

“Are you sure Mookie's are not there? Take a better look”

“I'm sure Meg, I checked. There's someone called Pearl Jam... never heard of her, she sounds like a country singer. Or maybe it's a band. Or a bunch of bands getting together for a jam, I don't know”

“Country? What the fuck does country music have to do with Alice? And are there jam sessions in country music?”

“I have no idea, I only know the guys are not there”

“They must be there, maybe the bill is not updated!”

“The fact is I'm fucked anyway, because if you're right, then they're playing tomorrow night and not tonight. And I already have a flight booked for tomorrow”

“That's not a big deal, you can change the date. Didn't you take two more days off to go visit your parents?”

“Well, yeah...” I wrap the phone cord around my finger a little tighter.

“Ok, so you'll go back to Idaho another time and now you'll spend a few days in California, I can't see the problem” here's surely a better place than the one I was planning to go, anywhere is better.

“With what money? And where will I sleep? I don't even have clothes with me, I brought almost nothing with me” I have another pair of jeans and a couple of t-shirts and I think I'm gonna put on one of the t-shirts right now because I'm starting to sweat with this jumper. I already need to go to the bathroom anyway.

“I bet it's hot down there though, you don't even need clothes” she chuckles, knowing that she's just making me more nervous.

“If you're trying to be funny, you know, you're failing miserably”

“And I doubt Eddie will complain about your lack of clothes... I mean”

“MEG!”

“He'd be happy about it I think”

“What about we just cut the crap and focus on my problem once and for all?”

“This problem again! What's the problem? Just go see the guys and they'll find a solution”

“Thank you, no, thank you very much, Meg. Without you, I would have never thought about it! Where the fuck to I go?! I don't know where they are”

“Ok, call Eddie?”

“If I could call Eddie, do you think I'd be on the phone with you? I don't have the number...”

“What do you mean you don't have it?? You talk on the phone every day”

“We don't talk every day!” I answer maybe a little too loudly because the two guys sitting at the closest booth turn around at the same time and glance at me “Anyway, I don't have the number of the hotel, I don't know where it is, he's always the one who calls and... Wait, Grace! Give me Grace's number, she must have it” I go on in a lower voice, holding back my enthusiasm for the sudden brilliant idea.

“Mmm I doubt it, as far as I know he's the one who always calls too. But we can try. Wait, isn't she working today? Wait, I'll check” I can hear Meg moving around in the apartment, she's probably looking at the front of the mini market through the window to see if our friend's at work.

“I don't think so, Ian should be there. Try and come up with another idea, better before the next ten seconds, I'm almost out of quarters”

“Kelly, just call him! He must know where they are staying. Wait, I'm gonna get the number, I have it, I'm sure” this time I clearly hear hem run, surely towards the phone table and I can also hear her open the first drawer, that always gets stuck and is hard to open, as she's looking for that fucking business card that's been there for ages and we never needed before. And we won't even need it now actually.

“Curtis is here in San Diego with them, he's not in Seattle, where the fuck do I find him?”

“Shit... well... but Susan is here, she didn't leave with the band!” she adds, finally catching my attention with something interesting.

“How do you know?”

“She had told me she wouldn't have followed them. I met her and Chris at the Lemonheads concert, the one you didn't came to because you had to be asocial” she points out as I keep on hearing her rummage into the drawer.

“That is studying for the exams. Come on, give me that number” I encourage her with new found hope.

“Uhm... what should you say first?” she laughs and I figure out she's now finally holding the Curtis and Silver management card in her hands.

“Oh Jesus, I should say don't get on my fucking nerves and give me that fucking number. Please” I joke as I retrieve a pen from my backpack.

“Sweet little darling, if you ask me like this, how can I say no?”

I hang up with the promise to keep her updated about where will I and up and immediately make a new phone call, putting the coins that the payphone has just spat back into the machine and dialing the number that I scribbled down on the soda receipt.

“Curtis and Silver, good afternoon” I recognise the voice of Kelly's wife, what's her name? It's on the tip of my tongue...

“Good afternoon!” I answer, my anxiety disguised as absolutely unjustified enthusiasm “Can I speak to Su... ehm, with Miss Silver?”

“I think she's already gone to lunch, who is it?”

“Fu... well, I'm Angie, Angela, Angela Pacifico. I needed to tell her something, it's pretty important” I hope I managed to cut the word fuck before she could hear it.

“Ha you're the guys' friend! Wait, I'll try and put you through her office, if she's still there she will answer for sure” Peggy, that's her name, recognises me and immediately switch the call to Susan's room.

As the phone rings I'm on edge the whole time and not because I'm afraid I won't finde her. I mean, I have the number now, if I don't find her right now, I can still talk to her later after lunch and even if she didn't come back to work, I could as well contact her through Chris or calling her on that mobile phone she always carries with her. The reason is I'm embarrassed, I don't wanna seem the typical clueless naive young kid that just leaves like that on a plane without getting actual detailed information first and then gets in trouble and can't find her way out of a paper bag. I'm also pondering on what to tell actually: what can I do, ask her for the hotel address and take another cab? That'd mean spending more money. Do I ask her for the number and call them asking to come and take me? That'd mean ruining the surprise. Unless I...

“Silver” Susan answers surprising me when I was about to hang up.

“Susan! Hi, sorry if I'm bothering you, I'm Angie, Meg's friend”

“Hey! Hi kiddo, I recognised your voice, you know?”

“Oh really? Great! What... what's up?”

“I'm fine, I was about to leave actually, you were lucky to find me. What about you? Can I help you?” she asks me, kind of puzzled, since I never called her before. I'd better just tell things straight without beating around the bush.

“Yeah, actually you can. I'll be very fast and sorry again fot bothering you but, you know, you're like the only one who can help me right now”

“What the hell did you do?”

I briefly explain the situation and the fact her reply consists in a big laugh makes me feel both calmer and extremely stupid at the same time.

“Haha so you're telling me you don't know Pearl Jam?”

“Well, no. Is it a band?” I say and I really appreciate Susan's passion for music, but I wish she'd focus on my problem now.

“Pearl Jam are Mookie Blaylock, it's the new name of the band, didn't they tell you?”

“WHAT?!” I yell through the receiver and the Nets cap of guy nr 1 lifts up towards me “No, nobody told me”

“But you know they had to change the name, right?”

“Mookie sued them?”

“Hehe no, at least, not yet. Anyway it could get them in some legal trouble, so they had to change the name at some point, possibly before the album release. And before people started to remember them by a name that was destined not to last. So they changed it now”

“And why Pearl Jam? Where does it come from? What does it mean?” I ask curious, forgetting for a moment I am in a café in San Diego, a city I don't know, right in front of a club where my friends won't show up until tomorrow night.

“Hehe you should ask them! Anyway, back to you, you should have called me from the airport, you're basically on the other side of town.

“I knew that, I'm always so lucky... Ok, give me the address” I sigh as I turn the receipt the other way round and point the pen at the still blank corner.

“Don't worry, I'm gonna give the guys a call and have someone come pick you up”

“Oh no, Susan, you don't need to, really, I can get there myself!”

“No way, I'll feel definitely more reassured if I know you're with Jeff or Stone”

“Ok, but... do you have to call Stone or Jeff?”

“Why? What's the problem?” she ask perplexed.

“No, it's just... well, the reason I got caught up in this mess is that I wanted to surprise them and now if you tell them, it woud all have been useless, you know”

“Ok, I can call someone else... I can call Eddie?”

“Eddie's always part of Mookie, I mean, of Pearl Jam. The surprise was-”

“What if I send you Sean? Or Layne? I'm gonna call one of them, the first one I find, ok? So we're ruining the surprise for just one band instead of them both, what do you think?”

“A-alright, it's ok for me!”

“Right, I'm gonna call right now then! Sorry kid, I gotta leave you now, I'm already late”

“Oh no, no problem! I mean, thank you for saving me and everything”

“You're welcome, I'm calling them now. Bye babe!”

“Bye. Oh wait! Could you now-” I try and add something, the last condition, but Susan has already hung up. Is she already calling my saviour? She won't call him, right? I'm not so unlucky. Or am I?

*******************************************************************************************************************************

“And now? What's wrong with you?” the radio station I'm listening to starts to fuss as I turn into el Cajon Boulevard. Fuck, right when Queensrÿche were on. I fiddle with the car radio for a while, then turn it off irritated. I'm nervous, I admit it. It's not been that long since I last saw her, but it seems ages. Even further in my memory is the last time we talked. When? At the Music Bank maybe, when she told me of chlamydia. I saw her again later but I kept my distance. That was our last conversation. And now that I think about it, it wasn't that bad, I mean, we even said goodbye in the end. At some point I got a memorable slap, ok, but after all we had a normal, peaceful conversation. I remember she even laughed once or twice, who knows why. I hope I can find something to make her smile this time too. Will she expect I'll be there? Well, she knows I'm here too, I mean, she came here to Seattle to see us, she knew she'd have found me as well, didn't she? And what if... No, Jerry, hold on, don't even think about it. Do you really think she came here for you? Why? To tell you what? If that was the case, but it isn't, she'd have come here to tell you, I don't know, that she got over you and totally forgot you. But she's not here for you, she's in San Diego to see Stone and the others and maybe, yes, to see us too, and nothing else. She didn't come here for you, but despite you.

I pass the club we're playing tomorrow, but Angie's nowhere to be seen. I drive for a few hundred yards further until I find a hole to park the van and walk back to the place; as I get closer to the venue I see our name on the outside getting bigger, but I still can't see Angie. I'm right in front of the entrance and take a look around, two girls marching arm in arm pass before me and one of them looks and smile at me, while her friend talks to her excitedly. She turns around twice more once she passes me by. I smile back until I remember why I'm here. Even though she's not here for me, I don't think it's a good idea to have her catch me flirting with other girls as I wait for her. I take my eyes off the girl's ass and notice another girl sitting on the sidewalk outside the café on the other side of the road. She's got purple hair. No, blue. No, a little bit of both. She's wearing mirrored shades and a Misfits t-shirt and I got the feeling there's a nice pair of boobs under that skull. I watch her as she lights up a cigarette and she notices me right when she's putting the lighter back in her pocket. At least, that's what I think, I can't really tell because of those sunglasses, I can just assume where she's looking at. And I think she's looking at me. Actually, I think she's staring. Can't I just stop it?! The girls stands up straight away, throws a dark backpack on her shoulder and looks left and right before crossing the road. She gets closer and smiles and I look around hoping that Angie won't show up right now and see me approaching a girl. Even though now it's the girl who's approaching me. Why do I have to get girls even when I don't want to?

“I should have known that, among everybody, Susan would have called you” the unknown girl complains and she's not unknown anymore.

“ANGIE?!” to say that I'm surprised would be an understatement. I didn't get any girls and I'm an asshole.

“Were you waiting for someone else?” she takes off her big shades, revealing her frowny expression  I'm crazy for and I'm instantly brought back to the time when we were together.

“What... what the fuck did you do to your hair?” it's the first thing that comes up to my mind to tell her. Good job, Jerry, you're great at handling conversations with ex girlfriends.

“I wanted to change a little” she shrugs.

“And you call this a little! You cut it all!” I grab her arm unceremoniously and have her turn around to examine the length of her hair, thinking that maybe she just cut it on the front. No. She had at least half of her mane cut.

“It's not like I'm bald”

“I can't believe it, your beautiful hair...” I whine inconsolably as I hold one lock of hair and look at it miserably.

“Don't exceed with compliments, huh? Or I'm gonna end up building castles in the air, you know” she says ironically. But is she really ironic? What does she mean with castles in the air? That she'll end up thinking I still like her? Because I do. I like her a lot, even with a bad haircut.

“You look fine, Angie. It's just I don't really like this hair style, I can't lie”

“Really? Since when?” she gives me a sneering grin and I feel it's only the first of many direct shots I'm gonna get from her for this couple of days. I must say I'm glad to let her shoot me if this means I'm gonna spend some time with her again.

“I should have seen this one coming”

“You don't even like the color?” why is she asking me if I like it? Why should she be interested?

“I like blue, whereas purple... meh... Anyway, the length is the main problem” I'm such a jerk.

“It's more practical this way,” she explains gathering up her hair with her hands and tying them back with a scrunchie “especially when it's hot”

“It's not even that hot, it's just that we're used to Seattle, wet cold simply penetrated our bones” I'd have never imagined to find myself here in San Diego with Angie, talking about the weather, but I'm so happy right now that it seems I have been wanting this for ever.

“Yeah, there's a big temperature difference. I'm gonna get ill as soon as I'm back in Seattle, I know, but it doesn't matter”

“It was worth it, wasn't it?” I point at the van and gestures for her to follow me.

“Hehe yeah, that's for sure” she chuckles. She's laughing. And I didn't even have to make an effort for her to do it. I hope I won't be the one building castles in the air. Maybe it's too late though.

“Anyway, she called Layne” I tell her after a long silence break I didn't mind, also because I filled it by turning the radio on immediately.

“What?”

“Susan. She called Layne's room, I was there by pure chance and picked up the phone”

“Lucky me” she sarcastically remarks looking outside the window.

“Fate likes to play from time to time” just like this moment, when they announce It's love by King's X on the radio.

“Who are you sharing your room with then?”

“Uhm?” such an underrated band.

“I thought you were staying with Layne. You're with Sean, right? You wouldn't stand Mike for too long”

“Don't underestimate me, I've known Mike for ages and I can stand him easily. And when I can't bear him anymore, I know how to make him shut up”

“You're with him then” why is she so interested in my accommodation?

“No”

“Kinney? I told you”

“Actually, no”

“So you've got your own room like real rockstars?” she looks at me and giggles and I can't believe it because the last times our eyes met before today she looked like she was going to puke at best.

“No, I... I'm not staying here with the guys. Well, I haven't been here in the last few days”

“And where were you?”

“In L.A.”

“By yourself? With friends? Wait, with a female friend, right?” her smile is replaced to her well known nauseated grimace.

“Well, yeah, you guessed it right”

“Knowing you, it wasn't that difficult” she shakes her head and I figure out that if I don't explain myself I'll fuck up our conversation, which has been going pretty well up to now.

“It's not what you think though...”

“I don't think anything” she bitterly snaps back and she looks like she's thinking a lot of things, very bad things of course.

“She's a friend in need”

“It's none of my business, Jerry”

“It's Xana”

“Xana... isn't that the name of-”

“Andy's girlfriend”

“Oh. Is she in Los Angeles now?”

“Yep. And... she's not doing very well” I use an euphemism. It's almost been a year and things only get worse. She can't find peace in herself, honestly I think she's not even looking for peace. It's like she didn't think it could be possible for her, like she wanted to suffer, even though she always shows her tough side and hides her weakness. I don't like the direction her life has taken.

“I see”

“And to me she's like a sister, nothing else”

“You don't have to justify yourself, really”

“Ok, but I wanted to explain all the same”

“You don't need to explain to me that you're a nice guy, Jerry, I already know that”

“Do you?” is she really telling me a nice thing?

“I do, you're the one who tends to forget it, a little too often”

“Ah. Well, yeah, it can be...” it's not really happening “I'm not an asshole then?”

“Sure as hell you are, but it's just masking”

“Like undercover policemen?”

“Exactly, you're one of those who've just commited too much to the role”

We get to Point Loma area in half an hour, probably the faster thirty minutes of my life. I wish it  lasted much longer.

“We're almost there”

“Thank god! It's too hot in this van” she remarks leaning her head a little more out of the open window.

“As soon as we become rich and famous, we'll buy one with air conditioning, I promise”

“Once you become rich and famous, you won't even remember what my name is” she jokes without turning to me and keeps on looking at the sea. Are you afraid I'll forget you? Only yesterday I thought you'd have willingly cut out the portion of her brain occupied by the memories about me with a box cutter if only it was possible, but now...

“I don't think so”

“SUNSET CLIFFS. They do surf in here I guess” Angie reads aloud the sign on the road that indicates the national park area.

“Yeah, Eddie often goes to a beach that's right next to the hotel. He's always subjecting us to psychological pressure and convinces us to follow him. Wanna bet we'll catch him there?”

Five minutes later we're on the road that leads to Rodeway Inn and I slow down so my passenger can inspect the coast and the waves as I drive.

“I can't really tell the figures in the middle of the water. He's not on the beach anyway”

“He must be in the water” I shrug as I park the van, then get out and jog to the other side to open her door while she's still looking outside the window.

“Thank you. Does Layne know I'm here? He didn't say anything to the others, did he?”

“Nah, he knows, but he also knows he must keep his mouth shut. I told him to gather everybody in the breakfast room with an excuse”

“Breakfast room?” sha asks taking her camera out of her backpack and hanging it around her neck.

“Yeah, well, a small room with four tables where it's impossible to sit down and you gotta eat while you're standing up” I explain as we walk close to each other and if on one hand it seems unbelievable, on the other hand it seems the most natural thing to me, as if we never stopped being like this and talk and relate to each other this way.

“It's normal for musicians to get up late and have breakfast at 3:00 in the afternoon anyway, nobody would suspect anything”

“Hi guys!” I enter the room and see my bandmates plus Stone and Jeff engaging in a game, whose rules I immediately understand: if you throw the paper ball right into the bread basket in the centre of one of the tables, the other guy drinks a shot of Jameson. I guess the true point of the game is not to be thrown out of the hotel.

“Hey Jer, did you know Mike has bad aim?” Stone, who's perfectly sober like all the others minus one, makes fun of my bass player, who's clearly putting on a show.

“That ball is rigged I think, it takes weird turns” Starr mumbles.

“I think it's your brain cells that are taking alternative ways and now they're lost” Sean laughs and nudges him so hard he almost makes him fall off the chair.

“Aw come on, do you have to embarrass me right now that I've brought a girl with me” I try and play my part, but Mike's trying hard to make me give myself away and fuck this whole surprise up.

“She's right outside, she'll be here in a minute”

“Anyway, if she's dating you, she's already expecting the worse anyway, she won't get shocked” Stone goes on and I foretaste his reaction when Angie's gonna get into the scene and he'll think I was playing an act, not knowing that she dated me for real.

“Well, let her decide though” I say the words we agreed before, the signal for her to get into the scene.

“OH. MY. GOD!” the first to start screaming is Jeff, I don't know if it's for the surprise to see her here of for her hair, or both. Stone, although he's already used at Jeff's behaviour, finds his reaction to an average girl I hit on a little too much, so he gets closer and tries to understand who's the mysteroius girl now imprisoned into the bassist's bear hug. All this enthusiasm starts looking exaggerated to me too now.

“Hi Angie. California has strange effects on you, am I wrong?” Gossard finally recognises her as soon as Jeff lets her go and seems really calm, although I know he's screaming internally, mostly because he's just won the bet.

“Really? I can't explain, I was normal when I left, as soon as I landed in San Diego my hair turned shorter and colored by itself. Do you think I should be worried about it?” Angie jokingly wraps a lock of hair around her finger.

“Nah, it's totally normal, I found myself with dreadlocks as soon as I got here” Layne says when it's his turn to say hello to her.

“Hey Angie! You look good anyway, you look... you look older” Sean is about to stretch his hand, then notices he still holds the game ball in it. He puts it in his pocket then shakes Angie's hand.

“Angie! Heeeeeeeey!” Mike has a stupid smile I don't really like plastered on his face and hardly keeps his eyes open, but it looks like he saw Angie pretty well.

“Is this supposed to be the effect of California on him?” Angie gives him a pitiful look as he tries to stand up from his chair.

“No, this is the effect of games he suggests himself” I answer and I'm sure I'm not wrong.

“Did you come here all alone?” the bass player asks searching with his eye for someone else behind Angie.

“Well, yeah, the delegation of fans from Seattle has only one member due to circumstances beyond our control” she explains kind of embarrassed.

“That's so much better! It's a perfect chance to get to know each other a little more” Starr puts his arm around her neck and I'm about to do the same to him, only clenching much tighter. What is this jerk trying to do?

“It's rather a chance to have you get to know some of us...err... in a different light” Jeff speaks before me and lifts up Mike's arm letting her free from the drunktard's grip.

“A... vintage light!” Stone adds and reminds me about the bet itself. I have to choose between cop and cowboy.

“What do you mean?” Angie looks at us one by one, but we know better than tell her anything, even Mike keeps his mouth shut.

“No, darling. You surprised us, now it's your turn. Wait and see” Layne somehow grabs our bass player on his shoulders and makes him sit back down in his place.

“Talking about surprises... I've already had one, but I can't see the responsible” Angie looks around as she places her backpack on one of the tables and opens it, searching for something.

“Eddie's on the beach. Responsible for what?” Jeff asks confused, immediately guessing who Angie was referring to, while she takes a sip of water from the bottle she took from her bag.

“Hehe he got me in trouble”

“WHAT?!” Starr yelps out of the blue making all of us jump, but he doesn't have the chance to say anyhing else, since Angie explains the misunderstanding with Vedder about the concert date.

“So I'll have to change my initial plans a little” she states, gesticulating with the water bottle still in her hand.

“Don't worry, we're gonna find a solution” Layne tries to reassure her with a pat on her back.

“Anyway Eddie's at Ocean Beach with his friend Craig” Ament explains pointing at an indefinite space outside the balcony door.

“Is it far from here?” she asks putting the backpack back over her shoulder.

“Nah, a five minute walk, I can take you if you want” I suggest jokingly stealing the water bottle from her hands. Maybe I'm pushing too far, right?

“Thanks, I'm gonna go and tell him off. See you, guys”

“Oh yeah, tell him, just... tell him everything, ok?” Stone says bye with his usual stupid grin. What did he mean? Oh well, 80% of Stone's jokes makes no sense, the other 20% is simply not funny, so why should I make an effort to understand?

We leave and walk from the hotel straight to the waterfront, in silence, alone again, finally.

“No wetsuits though” she says after a while.

“What? Who?”

“I mean, some people have them, but not everybody. The water must be warm” she goes on, watching surfers riding waves.

“Or maybe they're just crazy”

“Did you try?”

“Yes, I told you Eddie can be very convincing”

“Hehe I know”

We get to the point where you gotta descend, we turn left into the narrow lane that leads to the staircase to the beach. I let Angie walk ahead and she goes quickly down the stairs, looking back from time to time to check if I'm still following her. She keeps on smiling at me and I'm starting to think that maybe she's on drugs, that California has a strange effect on her and not just on her hair, that the hair dye intoxicated her or that maybe it's not Angie, but some lookalike, a robot that took her place and now smiles at me. Halfway through the stairs she stops, she leans against the railing and just stays there apparently enjoying the view, than takes a picture of it with her camera. I see her snapping shot after shot, as I take this mental picture of her, so happy as I haven't seen her in a while. At a certain point, I see a big smile widening behind her camera, which she promptly puts down.

“I think I found the surfer” she explains resuming the quick walk down the stairs.

“Did you see him?”

“Yep, he's with another guy. Does Craig have blonde hair and a soul patch?” she asks without turning back.

“Yeah, that's him” I answer, but Angie's already on the beach and probably doesn't even hear me. Yeah, that's him I repeat to myself as I focus on the two guys walking towards us dragging surboards. When I set foot on the sand, Eddie's already left his friend and his board behind and he's quickly walking to meet Angie. No, actually he's running.

“I can't believe it!” I hear it exclaim and this is when I finally see it. I see what I hadn't seen untile now, because it wasn't there or because I didn't notice it, because I was looking for it in the wrong place, I looked everywhere but there, with him... or maybe because deep inside I knew it was right there and didn't want to see it. I see the way they run at each other, the way they look at each other, how they move, how they play and joke. Eddie shakes his wet hair splashing Angie, who laughs and tries to protect herself. I'm a few steps away now, but it's like I'm far light years from them. Eddie nods at me and Craig waves at me, I don't know if they also said something, I can't hear anything, it's like I'm not here, maybe it's because I shouldn't be here, with them.

“I think I'll head back to the hotel” I hear myself say at some point, the sentence must have come out automatically.

“Hey, tell the guys the bet will be paid tonight, ok?” Eddie says, as if I cared at this point.

“Hahaha I can't wait!” I blatantly lie to hide my disappointment.

“Can you please tell me what is this bet about?” she huffs.

“You'll know when the moment comes” Eddie retorts getting his surf board back from his friend's hands.

“Ok I'm gonna go then” I say again, I don't wanna stay here with these two lovebirds another minute.

“Bye Jerry, and thank you” Angie smiles at me again and I finally figure out why she can do it now: the truth is she just doesn't care anymore.

*******************************************************************************************************************************

“Big Audio Dynamite are not bad, I like them” Eddie says coming out of the water.

“They're too experimental for my taste” I grab my board and follow Eddie along the water's edge.

“Experimenting is good”

“You know I prefer rougher sounds”

“Angie?” that name comes out from nowher, I look in the same direction as Eddie's eyes.

“Your girlfriend? Where?”

“No, I thought I just... no, nothing” Eddie shakes his head and keeps walking.

“We've been under the sun for too long if you start hallucinating”

“Shut up, Craig”

“Or maybe you're just so much into this Angie girl you see her everywhere”

“They're about to release a new album anyway”

“It could be a close race in the charts for your band and them then”

“Yeah, sure”

“When is your album coming out anyway? In June?”

“August, if everything...”

“If everything what? Goes well?” I ask him but when I turn around to talk to him I notice he's not next to me anymore, he's a few steps behind me.

“I can't believe it” he mumbles to himself.

“I know what you mean, this project is surely more ambitious than Bad Radio. And from what I heard it's not bad at all and-” I walk back towards him, but my friend leaves his trusted board on the sand, dribbles me and walks away, slowly at first, then very quickly. It takes me a while to notice the other figure, a female one, walking as quickly in the opposite direction, running right towards him. A short girl with colorful hair, a Misfits t-shirt, jeans, backpack and some serious professional camera hanging around her neck. What if...

“I can't believe it!” he repeats aloud then his running ends up right in mystery girl's arms. Well, maybe she's not that mysterious after all.

“Eddie!” the girl protests as he picks her up.

“I love your hair, it looks so good on you!” he remarks putting her back down, but still holding on to her hips, and now I can only pick Romeo's board up from the sand and drag it together with mine as I join the new found lovers.

“Thank you”

“I can't believe you really came”

“You annoyed me so much about this that I had to”

“That was my exact purpose.” Eddie takes her hands and laces his fingers with hers “You're beautiful”

“How long have you been under the sun, Eddie?” she lets go of one hand and place hers on his forehead.

“I told him it's about fucking time to rest in the shade a little. Anyway, nice to meet you, I'm Craig” I let the boards fall on the sand and shakes the girl's hand so that she's forced to let go of Eddie's one.

“Hi I'm Angie”

“I supposed so”

“I can't believe it, you're actually here, for real” Eddie repeats like a broken record and hugs her again.

“I swear until a minute ago he could say other words too, you know. I don't know what's got into him, I have suspects though”

“Hehe, come on, Eddie, stop it! You're getting me all wet!” Angie complains and it takes all my strength and self control not to say anything, no jokes, no double entendre, nothing.

“Oops sorry” Eddie abruptly lets her go, then starts vigorously shaking his head left and right just like dogs do as they get out of the water, spreading droplets of sea water everywhere.

“Hahaha you're an idiot, stop it!” Angie covers herself with her hands, then uses her backpack as a shield.

“When did you get here? And how?”

“A couple of hours ago, by plane, then I got a ride here” Angie turns around and points at Jerry, that I only see now, standing a little further on the beach, and who says hi nodding his head.

“So you're the famous Angie, I finally get to know you” I chime into the little comfortable silence between the two of them where I felt like I was in the way.

“Famous? What do you mean?” Angie frowns a little.

“Well because Eddie often told me about you, I mean sometimes, you know, he mentioned a couple of interesting things and I was curious to meet you in the flesh” as I go on I try and reduce the amount of times Eddie talked about Angie, also because my friend is giving me bad looks.

“Interesting?”

“And then, let me tell you, pictures just don't do you justice, you're much cuter in person” Eddie clearly needs to wake up a little. He clearly doesn't do anything to hide his interest towards Angie, but at the same time he's as blatantly not able to act practically and do something. So there's only two things a friend like me can do to help him: A) just bitching him out in front of Angie about how he's so into her and everything and basically throwing him into her arms; B) jokingly flirting with Angie a little to make him jealous. I think I'm gonna test both techniques at the same time for the moment, let's see what works better.

“PICTURES? WHAT PICTURES?!” she asks alarmed and when Eddie gives me a nasty look I know I hit the nail right on the head.

“What pictures? Uh yeah, maybe I had a couple of polaroids from the show at the Moore with me, I took a lot of pictures, you know, to try the new camera”

“I think I'll head back to the hotel” Jerry interrupts Eddie's clutching at straws for a moment.

“Hey, tell the guys the bet will be paid tonight, ok?” Eddie told me about this bet that, if I remember well, was right about Angie. But I think he's only suddenly interested in the bet 'cause he wants to drop the subject and not 'cause he can't wait to spend the night dancing 70s disco music.

“Hahaha I can't wait!” remarks Jerry, who must be part of the losing team.

“Can you please tell me what is this bet about?” she asks rolling her eyes and puffing.

“You'll know when the moment comes” Eddie doesn't give in, he points at his surf board at my feet and I give it back to him.

Jerry goes away and now I'm officially the only one left third-wheeling for them.

“Anyway, I should punch you” she threatens him suddenly.

“Don't get sore over a little thing like that, you'll find out tonight”

“Not for that.” Angie gets closer to Eddie, and to me as a consequence, and slaps my friend on his shoulder. Are those eyelids so naturally long? Is it mascara?

“Ouch!” Eddie complains, but he doesn't look unhappy to me.

“This is for the light bulb”

“What light bulb?” I ask perplexed.

“It's a long story” Eddie cuts it short. What the hell are these two doing?

“And this is for making me mess up today” she adds with another slap on Eddie's hand.

“Mess up? What do you mean?”

Angie explains the misunderstanding about the date and Eddie suddenly feels the urge to try sand baths and bury himself.

“Fuck, Angie, I'm sorry! I'm an asshole”

“Ok, it doesn't matter, it means I'll stay here one more day”

“I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry you'll stay longer, I mean, I'm glad you're with me, with us, I'm sorry because I caused you trouble, in general” Eddie suddenly forgets how to talk.

“Well, since it's all your fault, now you have to help her, that goes without saying” I come in with the best assist Eddie could wish for.

“Sure! I'm gonna take you to the airport first so you can solve the tickets problem”

“I can go by myself Eddie, you don't need to”

“The fuck you're going by yourself! And then you'll obviously be my guest, you can stay with me these days”

“With you? Do you think the hotel will add one more bed? How much is a room instead? Anyway, I'll need to pay and I didn't bring much money with me, I could give it back to Kelly as soon as you get back to Seattle, that's if he accepts to lend me some. If he doesn't I should have s-”

“Angie, stop. You don't need to borrow anything, Eddie's not staying at the hotel, he's got his place here” I point out way before Eddie opens his mouth.

“Your place?”

“Yeah, it's not far from here. It's small but there's a lot of room” Eddie finally says something after he let me do all the work.

“And surely there's room for Angie, right Eddie?” I elbow my friend, who must be hating me right now.

“Of course there is... Only if you want, of course”

“Well, considering my situation, you've just made me an offer I can't refuse” Angie accepts and I wasn't expecting anything different.

“Great! So here's the plan: we go take the car, take Craig home, then go to my place, I'll have a shower, you can rest a little, put away your stuff, freshen up, have a shower too, get a bite to eat, whatever you want, then we'll head to the airport and solve the problem I created, ok?” Eddie's just become a chatterbox and I'm quite impressed by the number of words he's just pronounced.

“Mmm I can walk home anyway, I live just a stone's throw away from here” I count myself out immediately, he hasn't seen the girl for weeks and I think it's better to leave them alone as soon as possible.

“Are you sure?” Eddie politely asks, but his eyes are already silently thanking me and kicking me away.

“Yeah, don't worry. Bye Angie, it was a pleasure.” I take her hand and kiss her palm and at this point I expect Eddie to kick me for real “See you tonight, for the bet”

“Ah you're in this too?” she questions as I let go of her hand.

“I wouldn't miss it for the world. See ya tonight guys!” I walk away, then stop a few steps ahead, torn between climbing up the stairs or following the path further on. I choose the stairs, turn around for a second and there's already no trace of Angie or Eddie anymore. Eh my friend, both Angie and I  laid perfect cards for you on the table, I hope you'll play them right.