#I’ve joked about this with irl friends before but I have no idea when a hyperfix graduates to a special interest

[httpsdana]

Hello I have a request!

I hope it’s not too confusing and not too plain

Sorry my first time requesting

I like your fics a lot

So…

It is where reader is friends with Cubarsi and one of her friends likes him. reader likes Pau but doesn’t tell anyone that she likes him. the other friend that likes Pau tells people and thinks Pau likes her and is going to ask her out.

reader gets rlly upset and is already tackling with depression and knowing abt this makes her rlly sad. also if you can add how the girl asks you ask Cubarsi if he likes her. this makes reader so upset. but then Pau sees her upset so he tries to comfort her and confesses he likes reader.

(btw Cubarsi and reader like msg everyday and stuff)

also if you can’t do this or it’s a bit confusing im so sorry. im having this issue irl and wna cry

I am reading over this and it is very confusing very soory

In the Quiet Spaces Between Us~Pau Cubarsi

・❥・prompt list

・❥・masterlist -> part 2

・❥・who I write for

・❥・a/n: I really hope this is what you asked for 🙏🏻

She wasn't sure when her friendship with Pau had shifted into something more—when the late-night texts and easy conversations began carrying a weight that made her heart ache.

Maybe it was the way he smiled at her, soft and unguarded, or the way his texts always seemed to brighten her darkest days. Whatever it was, y/n had fallen for him, and the realization had been as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

But she never told anyone. Not Pau, and certainly not her friend María, who recently announced her crush on him with unbridled enthusiasm.

“I think Pau likes me,” María said one evening as you both sat in a café. Her tone was light, but the certainty in her voice cut through y/n like a blade.

She forced a weak smile. “Why do you think that?”

María shrugged, swirling her straw in her iced coffee. “He’s always looking at me during group hangouts. And the other day, he laughed at one of my jokes even though it wasn’t that funny. That has to mean something, right?”

y/n laughed nervously, clutching her own drink like it was a lifeline. “Maybe he just thought it was funny.”

María grinned, oblivious to the storm brewing inside y/n. “No way. I’ve got a feeling about this. I think he’s going to ask me out soon.”

The words made her stomach twist painfully, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. “Maybe.” she murmured

That night, Pau texted y/n, just like he always did.

Pau: “How was your day?”

y/n: “It was okay. You?”

Pau: “Long, but better now that I’m talking to you.”

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her chest tightening at his words.

Did he mean it the way she wanted him to? Or was this just his way of being a good friend?

y/n: “That’s sweet of you to say.”

Pau: “It’s true. I’d go crazy without our chats.”

She stared at the screen, her heart aching.

If only he knew how much she wished those words carried more meaning.

A few days later, María cornered y/n after a group hangout, her face glowing with excitement. “Hey,” she said, her voice practically buzzing. “I need a favor.”

“What’s up?” she asked, already wary of the look in her eyes.

“Can you ask Pau if he likes me?”

Her words hit her like a punch to the gut. “What?”

María laughed, as though it were the most natural request in the world. “You’re closer to him than I am. He won’t suspect anything if you ask casually.”

y/n felt her mouth go dry. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Oh, come on,” María pressed, her grin faltering. “Please? I really think he likes me, but I just want to be sure before I make a move.”

y/n felt like the ground was crumbling beneath her. How could she not see how much this was hurting her?

Her words were the final straw. y/n mumbled an excuse and left the conversation, retreating to the bathroom where she locked the door behind her. Tears burned her eyes as she leaned against the sink, her chest heaving with silent sobs. It felt like everything was crumbling. Her feelings for Pau and her friendship with María were all colliding, leaving her gasping for air.

When she finally emerged, her eyes red and puffy, she avoided everyone and went straight home. She didn’t even check her phone, ignoring the notifications piling up from Pau.

The next morning, a knock at her door startled y/n. Groggily, she pulled herseld out of bed and shuffled to the door, opening it to find Pau standing there.

“Hey,” he said, his voice soft but laced with concern. “Are you okay? You didn’t reply to my texts last night.”

She blinked at him, her heart aching at the sight of his worried expression. “I’m fine,” she lied.

“No, you’re not,” Pau said, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “What’s going on? Did I do something?”

y/n shook her head, avoiding his gaze. “you did nothing wrong. I’m just tired.”

He didn’t speak for a moment, and the silence stretched uncomfortably. Then he said, “Is this about María?”

Her head snapped up, her heart pounding. “What do you mean?”

“She’s been dropping hints lately,” Pau said, his voice careful. “About… us.”

y/n swallowed hard, her throat dry as she expected him to tell her he likes María. “And?”

“And I don’t feel that way about her,” he said simply, his gaze steady on hers.

Relief flooded through her, but it was quickly followed by a wave of guilt. “She really likes you,” she said quietly.

“I know,” Pau said, his voice softening. “But I can’t pretend to feel something I don’t.”

Her hands trembled in her lap, and she clenched them into fists to stop the shaking. “do you like someone else?”

Pau hesitated, his eyes searching hers. “Do you really want to know?”

She nodded, her heart pounding so hard it felt like it might burst.

He reached out, his hand brushing against hers. “I like you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

The words didn’t register at first. She stared at him, stunned. “What?”

“I like you,” he repeated, his tone firmer this time. “I have for a while now. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. “But why? I’m… I’m a mess, Pau. I’m not like María. I’m not—”

“Stop,” he said, cutting her off. He reached for her hand, holding it tightly. “You don’t have to be anyone else. You’re enough, just the way you are. And I don’t care what you think about yourself—I see someone strong, kind, and beautiful.”

His words broke through the walls she'd built around her heart, and a sob escaped her lips. “I thought I was going to lose you,” she whispered.

“You’re not losing me,” Pau said, his voice steady. “Not now, not ever.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. His embrace was warm and safe, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the darkness in her mind began to lift.

[andro-dino]

Genuine curiosity: what got you here? What decisions in your life lead you ended up having brainworms for this funky spinning top commercial series? /aff /lh

it all started when I was but a wee lad in the second grade and saw Beyblade Metal Fusion on Netflix. The first time I watched it, I actually watched the third episode first because it had wolf in the title and I was a wolf girl growing up. After that I became enamored with the show. Created the first version of Essi on ms paint with a mouse (may god rest her soul (she died with the rest of my old art on my family computer one day 😔)), rewatched it a couple times, at least one of which I imagined essi in like every scene in the show, and was effectively obsessed with it. I didn’t have the abilities to draw ship art at the time but I did become very kyomado pilled during this as well. I actually didn’t know there was more after Fusion because Netflix didn’t have any of it (or I just never bothered to look for it idk).

After that, a couple years went by, and I think around 5th grade I decided to revisit it, had a blast, redrew Essi, and I was happy to leave it at that but then I was talking about it with a guy on my bus and he was like “oh yeah I really liked it have you watched fury?” and I was like “THERES MORE??????” and so I went out in search of More. I watched like half of masters on YouTube, but I didn’t retain like any of it. genuinely the only reason I know I got as far in as I did is because the only parts of it I remember at all were yu being more prominent and hikaru’s ptsd breakdown, but besides that, literally NOTHING stuck with me. I also discovered the existence of shogun steel during this time period from seeing adult gingka on google but knew nothing more about it.

That was the last of beyblade endeavors until summer of 2021. after splatoon 3 had been announced that year it had me very nostalgic for things I was into when I was younger, which started with me ranting about splatoon 1 stages I missed on twitter, which then led to me thinking about sonic underground and trying to find where to watch it bc it wasn’t on Netflix anymore. in doing this, I downloaded Tubi and saw fusion on there and I was like “omg I forgot I was obsessed with that!” I then similarly ranted my fond memories about it on Twitter and i ended up dropping my sonic underground rewatch and watching that instead. That is when the snowball began to form. I looked up the watch order and was telling my friend about it and how I was trying to find something that had all the seasons (bc at the time Tubi had fusion and fury but not masters) and then he sent me a pirating website I could use and I was like HOLY SHIT. And then from there, I watched the whole series, got obsessed with it, starting drawing fanart on my own time and looking up fandom stuff online, and then upon realizing most of the active fandom was on tumblr, dusted off my tumblr account and made my first post, and from there it’s only gotten worse.

[themultifanshipper]

This was supposed to be a silly little blurb about giving Seb a blowjob, I don’t know how it got this out of hand.

Warnings: all of them. All the warnings.

Jk but there is sooo much in this fic. A bit of underage (but over 16), blowjobs, oral, p in v sex, rawdogging, rough sex, possessive Seb, a tad of subspace?, threesomes (if you don't want spoilers on the special guests don't look in the tags), voyeurism, undernegotiated dom/sub dynamics all over the place, infidelity (his IRL wife is included), smidge of angst but it’s really not the point of the fic lmao, mention of drugs and alcohol, I don’t condone anything I’ve written here guys. Although the warnings make it sound worse than it is tbh.

July 2007

I suppose you could say it all started when you were 13 and Sebastian had just been transferred to Toro Rosso.

Obviously nothing happened between you two given that he himself was 20 years old at the time. Although your childish crush on him had started way before that.

No, what happened at 13 was an embarrassing moment that got the ball rolling between you and Seb.

That night he was over at your parents’ house for a celebratory meal, for you, it was your birthday, for Sebastian Vettel, it was the beginning of a long and illustrious career.

Your father and him were good friends, Seb helped a lot with your brother's career in karting and you’d always been around the handsome blonde man. At various karting events with your brother, a gala here and there, and even at a couple of f1 races he had driven for BMW. By this time your crush was well and truly established, and subtlety not being your thing, your family knew all about it. And teased you relentlessly. And apparently now invited your crush to your birthday dinner... great.

Seb and your father were in the kitchen having a drink and helping your mother with the food when you heard your fathers voice drifting through the house.

“Man, think of all the blowies you’re gonna get!”

After a sharp scolding from your mother, the two burst out laughing and that was that. But the damage had been done.

At 13 years old, you had no idea what that meant. So you asked, at dinner, in front of your family, and your crush, what a blowie was.

Yeah, that went down well (pun intended, and note the sarcasm).

Your (15 year old) brother choked on his mouthful and shrieked in laughter, spraying your mother, who then slapped your father who was laughing maniacally beside her. Seb just went incredibly red and grinned “You’ll find out when you’re older, sunshine”

Okay, maybe the nickname should also be explained, after all it is the result of a previous embarrassing moment of your childhood.

It was at a karting track before a race and you were hanging out with your brother, some of his friends, and Seb. Or more accurately, you were following Seb around like a lost puppy. At this point you were 9, your brother 11 and Seb 16.

Someone had heard a dirty joke from the older boys at the track that went something like this:

“What is big, makes no noise, yet wakes us up every morning?”

And with your very innocent, very smart 9 year old brain you replied “the sunshine” which was supposed to be the right answer, but boys will be boys.

16 year old Seb thought that answer was hilarious.

“That is so adorable” he was wheezing “from now on I am calling you sunshine”

You were so embarrassed at not understanding the joke that you ran back to your father and told him about it, and he told the boys off sternly.

So anyway, there you were, a few years later, at dinner with your parents reliving that in your head, and living through yet another mortifying moment in front of Seb, who looked at you sympathetically from across the table, and kept sending you winks all throughout the evening, to try and make you feel better.

That night you looked up “blowie” online (of course a few days later the browser history conversation happened with your mother) and you were never the same again. You couldn’t stop imagining Seb getting blowjobs from all the girls he was indeed going to get, and it gnawed at you. For years. Of course, you knew you were too young for him, but it didn’t stop the fantasies from getting rather... wild.

2010 

You were 16, and Sebastian was about to win his first championship, you were sure of it. You were all in Abu Dhabi to support him (and the others of course) and you found yourself wandering into his drivers’ room just as he was putting his fireproofs on. You had expected his girlfriend Hanna to attend, but luckily for you she was busy, and you were going to make the most of that fact. You ogled his body for a second before he noticed you staring and grinned at you as he put his top on.

“There’s my sunshine!” You jumped into his arms like you’d done so many times before. “I was wondering if I’d get to see you before the race”

‘Of course! I'd consider myself a bad friend if I didn’t come to wish you good luck”

He put you down and dramatically threw himself on the sofa.

“Yeah! I’m going to need it”

“Oh, come on Seb I’m sure you’ll do great” You sat down next to him and put your hand on his knee, squeezing slightly. “If you want... I could give you a good luck present” you slid your hand slowly up his thigh and his leg jolted slightly “If you know what I mean”.

He glanced at your hand before looking back into your eyes, you could tell his mind was racing, obviously going in the right direction. “No, I don’t know what you mean” He gulped as your hand went higher and you batted your eyelashes at him.

“You know, I’m not the innocent kid who didn’t know what a blowie was anymore, I’ve learned a lot since then”.

Seb’s pupils were wide, and you could feel his fireproofs tenting under your hand. “I could show you if you’d like”.

You squeezed his cock over the fabric, and he grabbed your hand “Fuck sunshine, I can’t let you do this, you’re sixteen for fuck’s sake”

“Don’t act like you don’t fuck girls on the daily, Seb” You jumped up off the sofa and into his lap, straddling him.

“Yes, but I’ve known you since you were a baby, and you’re still a minor, Fuck-” Your hand had slithered its way into his fireproofs and was squeezing around him like a vice.

“I’m past the age of consent, Seb, you know that. And I know you’ve thought about it. About me. You’re not as quiet as you think you are when you come round to our house, you know.” You trailed sloppy kisses down his neck and chest, over his fireproofs as your hands got rid of the bottom half.

“Shit, aaah-” He hissed, and his resolve crumbled under your touch. “Fuck”

“Please Seb, please let me suck your cock for good luck” You purred, and he let his hands grip onto your hair as you nosed up the length of his now exposed cock.

He was staring into your eyes, guilt written all over his face as he nibbled nervously on his lip. “Fuck, sunshine what are you doing to me”.

Instead of answering, you took half of him into your mouth and sucked. He cried out and bucked his hips involuntarily, making you choke slightly.

“Shit sorry!” His concern was adorable, but unnecessary.

“Don’t worry Sebby, I trained myself out of a gag reflex, just for you” and before he could say anything else you sank down on him to the base and the noise he let out was inhuman. His head fell back, and his eyes rolled into his skull.

Yeah, you’d definitely been practising. And you were unbelievable.

He did end up winning the race, and the championship. And you grinned at him when he looked down at you from the podium, shaking his head and laughing before almost getting drowned in champagne by Lewis and Jenson.

2011

The next year you showed up in his driver’ room at the Japanese Grand prix, per his request. You knew this was the race that would potentially secure him his second championship win so you strutted in, pushed him onto his little bed in the corner and kissed him senseless as your hands started undressing him immediately.

“Tell me, Seb-” You got his shirt open and trailed kisses down his chest. “Do you think you’re capable of winning the championship on your own this year?” Off went his trousers “Orrrr…” then went his underwear “Would you like a blowie, for good luck?” You grinned at him, mouth hovering inches away from his rapidly hardening cock.

He grinned back at you, slightly breathless. “I think-” he sat up and pulled you in for a quick kiss “you can never say no to a good blowie”. He lay back down, arms behind his head, and that was all you needed to get to work.

He did in fact win the race, and the championship.

You couldn’t make it to Abu Dhabi however, and he got a puncture on the first lap.

 Figures.

2012

You celebrated your 18th birthday with Sebastian, one on one. He took you out to dinner during the summer break. You had finally finished school and were moving on to other things. You had no idea what those things would be, but you were excited none the less. He’d managed to convince Hanna he was on a business trip to meet a sponsor, but you didn’t think for a second that she bought any of it.

Sebastian told you all about the intense race for the Championship, given you weren’t able to attend any of the races before the summer. He had apparently taken to relieving stress by fucking anything that moved, and that included some of the other drivers. You couldn’t help but imagine him being bent over his massage table, reduced to a begging mess by his teammate. Everything Seb told you about Mark got you riled up before dessert had even been served, and you couldn’t help but wonder if that was his goal all along.

When you got back to his hotel, the real birthday celebration started. And it lasted all bloody night.

All the things Seb had thought about doing to you since the very first time you’d asked what a blowie was, he did to you that night. All the tension accumulated over the years finally boiled over, as he brought you over the edge so many times you lost count, with his mouth, his hands, his cock. He was going to ruin you for anyone else.

“Nobody can have you like this, can they?”

“No Seb just you- Fuck!” You panted as he pounded into you from behind, pressing you against the massive hotel windows, facing the city lights.

 It was almost romantic. Almost.

“You think anyone can see you from down there? All those people that don’t know how good you’re being for me.” The thought of being seen made you even wetter and you whined. He only chuckled.

“I’m sure if Mark were walking past, he would love to know what is happening up here. Would you like that? Would you like Webber to watch you come undone on my cock?”

You didn’t even need to answer, you cried out in pure extasy as you came for the umpteenth time that night and then slumped against the cool glass. The only thing holding you up being Seb’s arm around your waist and his other one propping your leg up as he trapped you against the window, grinding into you as he came inside you with a groan.

“Well sunshine, I guess that’s a ‘yes’ then, hmm?” He whispered in your ear before pecking you on the cheek. He lifted you up, carried you to the bed and went to get a cloth to clean you up with.

You giggled when he came back “You know Seb, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re so obsessed with Mark that you want to show me off to him. Is it because you want him to approve of me? Or be jealous? Or do you just want to flaunt your amazing skills in bed that I’m suuure are better than his?” You were obviously just trying to rile him up.

He laughed dryly as he wiped you down but didn’t reply. Perhaps you’d struck a nerve. He didn’t mention Mark for a long time after that.

You couldn’t make the race in COTA, so it was critical for you to be at Interlagos with Seb. You got a plane ticket several days before and gave him a good luck blowjob every single night, for good measure.

He won, of course.

2013

2013 got real weird, real quick.

For starters, you were 19 with no job and no idea what you were going to do with your life, but you spent all your time around older millionaire formula 1 drivers. You were basically an honorary member of the team by now and had a free paddock pass for every race you could attend.

Then, there was the issue of Seb living with his girlfriend, so you couldn’t stay at his place anymore, and in the rare instances where you and Hanna saw each other, the other drivers became exceptionally awkward around the both of you.

The last thing was, Mark didn’t win a single race all season, and Seb was a huge dick about it. He strutted around Mark in the paddock like a peacock. And he took you to every other GP to fuck you in his drivers’ room when he knew Mark could hear you from next door, just to drive him crazy.

It all came to a head in India. The race that secured Seb his fourth consecutive championship.

He was fucking you in his drivers’ room (more like railing the absolute shit out of you) on the long sofa that lined the wall. Face down, ass up, you were being loud, no longer caring about Mark hearing you.

Then, his phone started buzzing, Mark’s name flashed across the screen, along with an unflattering photo.

Seb answered it, put him on speaker and set the phone down next to your head.

“Would you two keep it down, the whole bloody garage can hear you!” Mark hissed.

“Yeah?” Seb answered “Hear that, sunshine? Everyone can hear how good I’m fucking you” His hips kept slapping against yours obscenely.

You moaned and Mark scoffed “Sounds like she’s faking Sebby, I guess those championships must be compensating for something...”

“Why don’t you come in here and say that to my face then Webber” Seb spat before hanging up.

You gasped as he grabbed your hair and pounded into you harder. “Seb! What-”

“You like having an audience, admit it.” He growled “You’d like nothing more than if Webber stormed in here and-”

He hadn’t even finished his sentence before Mark did just that. He was standing at the door, flushed, as if he’d sprinted over.

You turned your head to look at him but before you could say anything, Seb slowed down to a hard grind inside you, making your eyes roll back and you let out a shaky moan.

Mark’s eyes were scanning you and Seb, checking you both out. And obviously enjoying the view if the tent that was forming in his fireproofs was any indication.

From his angle he could see where Seb’s cock was buried inside you, where you were literally dripping down your thighs and onto the sofa and he let out a gasp. “Fuck Seb, she’s so wet”

“I guess she’s not faking then” Seb said smugly, picking up the pace again.

A lack of response from Mark prompted Seb to sigh and beckon him over.

“Don’t just stand there, come sit down, this will take a while”.

“What?” Utterly fucked out, you twisted your upper body to look at him, the confusion on your face matching Mark’s.

Seb smirked at you. “We’re going to play a little game, okay sunshine? I’m going to make you feel good, and Mark is going to watch. But you cannot come until he does, understand?”

Your jaw dropped, and he gave a hard thrust. “Understand, baby?” He repeated and you nodded quickly.

He turned to Mark “Well? You don’t want to be the reason she can't come, do you? Get to work.”

“Shit” Mark looked half murderous, half ridiculously turned on as he slowly lowered his suit and freed himself, starting to work his dry hand up and down his cock slowly and Seb chuckled “Put you hand out”.

Mark did as he was told, confused, and he almost combusted on the spot as you spat on his hand.

“Wow, she’s such a good girl, isn’t she?”

Seb groaned, as if Mark was talking to him. The older man’s presence was finally getting to him.

Mark’s hand inched towards your face, but Seb slapped it away. “No touching, she is mine”.

You tightened around him, about to come when he abruptly pulled out. You whined and squirmed as your orgasm faded, but he just shushed you and turned you over onto your back roughly, almost knocking the wind out of you. “Shhh baby, remember the rules?” He was rubbing your hips soothingly as he spoke “Mark has to come first, I’m not the one you should be begging”.

You turned to the other man.

“Please Mark, please, please come. I need to come so bad, Mark, please, fuck I need it...”  You were almost babbling at this point, and Mark melted.

Sebastian swiftly slid back into you as Mark’s hand picked up the pace on his own cock, glancing at your writhing body and at Seb. You tightened around him as you felt yourself get closer to the edge again. The two men were grunting and looking straight at each other as they moved, almost as if they were trying to get each other off. Their weird power play was tipping back and forth, and you were caught in the middle. Not that you were complaining.

Mark came all over himself and you felt Seb throbbing inside you as he started rubbing your clit to get you off faster, the sight of his teammate was affecting his self-control, and he was getting closer by the second. You came together, and he slumped over you, his legs and arms giving out.

Mark was panting and you looked at each other, having a silent conversation while Seb was recovering. He got up to go and get cleaned up in the small adjacent bathroom.

While he was gone, you stroked up and down Seb’s back and whispered in his ear “You okay, Seb?”

He sniffled into your neck before replying “Yes, I’m just a bit overwhelmed.”  He lifted his head to kiss you before flashing you his signature grin. “I’m a four-time formula 1 world champion!”

The two of you giggled and he dropped his head back down and sighed contentedly, planting lazy kisses on your shoulder.

Mark came out of the bathroom and laughed silently at Sebastian behind his back. You scowled and the two of you argued with your eyes again. ‘Congratulate him you prick!�� Your eyes said.  He rolled his before walking up to your entangled bodies and put a hand on Seb’s shoulder, making the younger man shiver. “Congrats on the title, mate. But there’s a few races left, I could still beat you.”

Seb snorted “Sure, if you say so. Now you can fuck off”.

You smirked at Mark, and he slinked out of the room without another word.

Well needless to say he did not beat Sebastian. And he promptly retired.

 2014

It was a shit year for Redbull, Seb DNF’d in Australia, Monaco, and Austria. He didn’t win a single race, but his new teammate Daniel did, and that was a sore subject. You lost count of the amount of pity blowjobs you gave him that year. He came to visit you often to lift his spirits, but you could always tell the season wasn’t going great, and it was taking a toll on him.

The one good thing to come out of that season was that you travelled around with him a lot, Hanna not being particularly interested in attending races. He was certainly rich enough to pay for your flights and hotels (not that you needed separate rooms most of the time).

You were the first person to know about his transfer to Ferrari. And you were both very excited about it. New team, new start, hopefully new championship wins.

Unbeknownst to you however, Seb had added an extra condition when he negotiated his new contract...

2015

During winter break, just before Christmas, Seb came to see you in at your parents’ house. That’s how you found out that he had gotten you a job at Ferrari, as part of his contract.

You were elated. It meant you would be around each other a lot more, and you could start pulling your own weight, feeling a little guilty that Seb had sort of been your sugar daddy for the past few years, not that he minded of course. And it also meant no more sneaking around and avoiding cameras at races to not alert Hanna to your presence at Seb’s side most of the time, not that it was really a secret anymore, you two weren’t discreet around the other drivers, and the drivers were all fucking each other as well anyway so no one cared.

As tradition dictated, you gave Seb an obligatory blowie to celebrate his Ferrari contract and your new job. And then, your parents being out of town, you had wild passionate nasty sex on every surface, as you wouldn’t be seeing each other for a few months, until the season started.

Needless to say, there would be no Championship win celebration blow job in Abu Dhabi, that year.

2017

It was your 3rd year working on the media team at Ferrari. It was a blast, you were severely overpaid, and you got to spend most of your time with the man you were having intimate relations with. Who could ask for more?

In Silverstone, Seb made a bet with Kimi. They were high (not on adrenaline, just high) and decided to wager on who would finish on top in the race. Kimi got a podium while Seb only got p7, but Kimi not being a man with a huge imagination, he had no idea what favour he wanted. So, it dragged on for months, until one day you were filming a promo video in Singapore with them, and his mind suddenly came up with the answer.

“Her” He pointed at you from across the room. Seb feigned innocence, pretending not to know what Kimi was inferring.

“What about her?” he asked tentatively.

Kimi smirked devilishly. “I want her. For the bet, you know. I want to watch you. To see how disappointing you are in bed”

He was only teasing, but he knew exactly how to get under Seb’s skin. So he agreed, and he asked you, and you agreed. Great. Kimi Räikkönen was going to watch you have sex, no biggie. After all, you’d done it before with Mark, this would be fine.

After a frustrating double DNF, you all went out to karaoke. You didn’t think Kimi was the type, but he showed up to the bar already three sheets to the wind, so you figured he wasn’t really there for the singing anyway.

Kimi was giving you sultry looks all night, which sent shivers down your spine. You’d never considered the man to be the epitome of hotness, but you couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to spend a night with Kimi. Was he passionate? Or was he just as ice cold as always?

You would soon find out as the three of you piled into a taxi back to the hotel, both Seb and Kimi’s wandering hands distracting you from trying to give the driver the address.

On the way, you’d ended up with Seb’s mouth on you neck and Kimi’s hand up your skirt, gently teasing you over the pathetic peace of fabric you called underwear.

By the time you were up into someone’s room, who’s room it was was impossible to say, your senses were engulfed by the two men. Kimi was behind you, trailing his mouth over your neck and shoulders and holding you up, while Seb was on his knees between your legs, one of them hooked over his shoulder, tongue eagerly working itself over your needy pussy as his fingers worked over that special spot deep inside you.

You came like that, then Seb stood back up and asked, “How was that, sunshine?”

You scoffed in disbelief at the question “It was amazing as always, baby. Are you going to fuck me now?”

He raised his eyebrows at Kimi, like ‘disappointing huh? I think not’ then pointed to the chair in the corner to signal to Kimi to sit in it, and led you over to the bed and put you on all fours.

He was halfway through railing you into next week, one hand holding your arms behind your back and the other around your neck, when Kimi piped up from the cuck chair.

“Can I come on her tits?”

Seb paused mid thrust and you whined “What do you think, sunshine? You want him to come all over your pretty tits, baby?”

“Yes, Seb, anything just keep going please!” You begged, but he didn’t move.

“Ah, ah, sunshine, be a good girl and tell Kimi what you want him to do to you”.

You huffed and looked at Kimi, who was observing you with hooded eyes and his mouth slightly open as he pumped his cock leisurely, waiting for an answer.

“Yes Kimi, please come all over my tits, I’ll be a good girl for you”.

The two men groaned in unison, and Seb picked up the pace again. He wasn’t going to last long, and neither were you, so he flipped you over onto your back and slid back into you quickly, beckoning Kimi over. He circled your clit expertly and you both came together fairly quicly, while Kimi watched and pumped his cock furiously, not far off as well.

“Go on then Kimi, give it to me” you gasped, sticking your tongue out for him, and that was it for the Finnish man.

He came in spurts over your chest, face, and mouth as he let out a shaky groan, finishing himself off before finding his pants and leaving with a simple “You two looked good” and winked at you. Truly a man of many words.

You and Seb laughed together, the adrenaline coming down as you both cleaned up and snuggled up under the covers.

“Weirdly, that wasn’t horrible” You giggled, and Seb acquiesced.

“You know, I think I like sharing you.” Seb kissed your temple, and you hummed, sleep almost taking you before he added “How do you feel about David Coulthard?”

You gasped and slapped his shoulder lightly “Oh my god he’s ancient!” and Seb scoffed, offended but let it go, sleep overtaking you both.

But he didn’t forget.

2019

All Sebastian could talk about for months was the eager twink Ferrari had dumped in his lap. So of course you had to have a taste. Or rather...

“My goodness Charles, you have got to taste her”.

Charles looked at you for permission before diving in. Even though he was younger than you, he obviously had experience as he brought you to the edge in no time. He got you wet and shaking before Seb had even finished taking his clothes off. You gasped as the waves of pleasure washed over you and Charles continued his assault on your weeping pussy. Seb only yanked him up by the hair after your second orgasm, and he looked absolutely wrecked. Face covered in your wetness, lips swollen, and eyes completely glazed over. Sebastian leaned in close to speak softly in his ear, making the younger man shiver.

“You want to fuck her Charlie? You want to fill her up properly while I fuck her pretty little mouth?” He said, while maintaining eye contact with you. Charles nodded a bit too enthusiastically and you both laughed at him.

Lucky for you, Charles’ cock was thick, and he stretched you out wonderfully while Sebastian fucked gently into your mouth. You were on your hands and knees, shaking through your 3rd orgasm when Charles finally came inside you, filling you to the brim.

While he cleaned himself up in the hotel bathroom, Seb turned you over onto your back and slipped inside you with ease. He started a maddeningly slow rhythm as he wrapped his arms around you possessively, and you tried to cling onto him, but your arms were useless at this point.

When Charles came back out, Seb didn’t even look at him as he told him he could go, so he didn’t push his luck and scarpered.

“Only I can have you like this” you preened under his touch, his hands gliding over your body, pinching your skin, and then soothing it as you went completely mad underneath him.

“Please Seb” You babbled mindlessly “I’ll be good, please, please just- “. Your eyes closed of their own volition and your head rolled to the side, losing all motor skills as he continued hitting that spot deep inside you. He grabbed your jaw and made you look back at him “You’re mine, aren’t you? Only I can make you beg like this, right sunshine?”

You wailed as you came around him, your final orgasm of the night taking its toll on you, rendering you completely boneless. And you didn’t move at all while he slipped out and got up to get you cleaned up. And you barely registered the bed shifting as settled under the covers with you, holding you gently, like you were the most precious thing in his world.

That year, Seb got married to his childhood sweetheart.

2022

The next time you saw him outside of the paddock was at his retirement party. The whole grid was there, plus his family, his friends, your family, and a bunch of other people. And his wife.

It was a proper retirement bash, and most people were at least tipsy within an hour of their arrival, Seb insisting on everyone getting shit faced to celebrate.

You snuck up to his bedroom and sat on the bed. You sighed longingly, it was surely the last time you would get to do this.

Seb came up a few minutes after you, after making sure someone was occupying Hanna.

He opened you up on his fingers, mouth mapping out your body, as if trying to imprint the feeling of it on his tongue. Once he slid inside you, it took you both an embarrassingly short amount of time to reach your peaks, but you did so together, your foreheads pressed together, breathing in each other’s air, hands scrambling for purchase on each other’s bodies. Then staying wrapped in each other’s arms for far longer than was necessary.

It was bittersweet. The end of an era.

Once you were both decent, you went back down and ensured that only good memories would be had of this party, lighting up the dance floor, lighting up the bar (you made flaming cocktails, which someone *cough*Charles*cough* spilled on the bar), all the while laughing, and crying a bit, with some of Seb’s soon to be ex-fellow drivers.

Epilogue:

It was Suzuka 2023, and you’d been waiting for this moment for months.

Seb’s bee house project was great for the bees and all, but it was even better for you.

The evening of his arrival at the paddock, you were buzzing (pun intended) with excitement.

When you spotted him, you shrieked, scaring a couple of engineers nearby, and ran towards him. It was a bit unprofessional given that you were still very much an FIA employee, but you couldn’t help it, you jumped into his waiting arms, like you’d done so many times before, and squeezed the life out of him.

“Sunshine!” Seb smiled as he lowered you back down.

“Old man!” You said and he rolled his eyes.

“I’m not that old”

“You’re retired, and I have work to do!” you said, as you started walking away.

“Doesn’t mean I’m old, means I had a successful career!” he shouted at your retreating figure.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that, Grandpa!”

Cut to a few hours later in his hotel room.

“Are you sure it’s okay for old people to get blowies?” You mocked as you got down on your knees between Sebastian’s legs “Like, you’re not going to have a heart attack are you?”

“I think.” He gripped your hair, bringing your mouth to his cock.

“You can never say no to a good blowie”.

The end.

[wongyuseokie]

Your Loss | c.h.v | k.m.g | c.s.c | y.j.h | b.s.k 

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend and you broke up a few months ago, but you two remained friends, and of course, his nosy friends can’t help but pry and get as detailed as possible to find out what ended the relationship, and then, of course, offer to make only you feel better. However, they can. All while your ex-boyfriend watches. ☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ♕smut | ♥︎ completed Word Count:  2550 words

Pairing(s): Chwe Hansol x Female Reader | Choi Seungcheol x Female Reader | Yoon Jeonghan x Female Reader | Kim Mingyu x Female Reader | Boo Seungkwan x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): PWP, Smut. Content Warnings: Y/N is Vernon’s ex, and they ended on good terms, but the others are nosy. A few snappy comments, but nothing too toxic or emasculating. Mentions of alcohol. Seungkwan is a flirty lil’ shit. Vernon likes watching. 

Smut Warnings: Dom!Cheol, Dom!Mingyu, Dom!Jeonghan, Dom!Seungkwan. Unprotected sex (please don’t do this irl). Overstimulation, double penetration, breast & nipple play. Oral (m & f receiving), face riding, squirting. Mentions of public sex. Pet names (good boy, baby boy, pretty girl), praise kink. Pussy slapping. Cum play. Biting, it’s mild. Voyeur Vernon. Handjobs, cum swallowing. Sir kink. Name-calling (whore). Authors Note 1: This is a fic I wrote for my lovely soul mate @here4btsfics. I'm so glad to have you in my life, my love, you make every day brighter and happier. Thank you for being born, and thank you for letting me celebrate with you too 💕 Authors Note 2: Thank you so much to @duhnova & @the-boy-meets-evil for helping me beta this horny mess, and yelling at me (affectionately) for writing this!! 💕💕💕💕 Banner Credits: @classicscreations Cross Posted to AO3 © wongyuseokie 2023. All rights reserved.

“Is this okay?” Your ex-boyfriend, Vernon, asked as he poured you a glass of wine. You had invited him and his friends–well, they were your friends, but they were his friends first–over to your apartment because it had been a while since you all caught up. 

It had been six months since the breakup and six months since you last saw the others. 

“Yeah? We ended on good terms, and it’s not awkward, not for me. What about you?” You asked. 

“No, I’m glad we were mature about it.” 

“Me too,” Vernon agreed. 

“YOOOOO! Open the door, love birds!” You heard someone yell outside your front door and exchanged a look with Vernon. 

“Jeonghan,” you both mumbled at the same time. You cracked a grin before heading to your door to let the dramatic man in. 

“Hello gorgeous,” Jeonghan greeted, stepping into your apartment and engulfing you in a tight embrace. 

“Hello, handsome,” you greeted back, your voice muffled by his toned chest. 

“Ahem?” You heard Vernon interject. 

“Oh, quit it. We had to deal with this shit when you two were together,” Jeonghan dismissed, making you and Vernon crack a smile. 

“Now shall we drink? The others might be late,” Jeonghan offered, and you nodded. 

“Sure, let’s get drunk,” you joked. 

“God, I’ve missed this,” Jeonghan said, sipping his wine. 

“What, drinking?” You joked, and Jeonghan glared at you.

“No, smartass, I meant it’s nice drinking just the adults,” Jeonghan retorted, making you laugh. 

“And you’re an adult?” You teased, making Jeonghan glare at you.

“I swear you and Mingyu are the same age, though, mentally at least,” Jeonghan mumbled, making you laugh. 

“Shut up. He could never do the wonders that my tongue does,” Jeonghan said, making you bite your lip as you tried to imagine it. 

“Uh, too much information, Hyung,” Vernon mumbled. He didn’t mind the conversation, but the idea of you being orally pleasured made his pants tighten, especially if he could be a fly on the wall when it happened.  

“Meh, Y/N? Do you mind?” Jeonghan teased, and you just kept sipping your wine. 

“Ah, speechless, I like that,” Jeonghan teased, and you were about to scowl at him when the front door opened to reveal Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and Mingyu entering your apartment. 

“Sorry, we’re late, Y/N. We were working on a new track,” Seungkwan explained while you got up from the sofa to greet him, and he welcomed you into a hug, his large arms wrapping around you. 

“That’s okay. Can I at least get a sneak peek?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him, and Seungkwan laughed. 

“Pretty girl, if you think I haven’t figured out your ways yet, you’re insane. No, you do not get a teaser,” Seungkwan said, and you pouted and got out of his arms to hug Seungcheol and Mingyu. 

Mingyu, energetic as always, practically carried you into his arms. 

“Gyu!” You squealed as Mingyu kept your feet off the ground.

“I’ve missed you, pretty girl. How have you been?” Mingyu asked, earning a smile from you. 

“I’m good, wait. You’ve missed me?” You asked, and Mingyu nodded. 

“Yup, well, not just me,” Mingyu said, making you giggle.

“Alright, are y’all done babbling?” Jeonghan interjected. “Can we drink?” He asked, huffing, and you smiled, nodding. 

A couple of hours passed, and most of you were at least three drinks in. The room became warmer, your lips became looser, and your thoughts became wilder. 

“So why’d you two break up?” Mingyu blurted out, making Vernon choke on his drink. 

“I guess we just decided we were better off as friends?” You suggested, unsure how to say, ‘we just fizzled out.’ 

“Yeah. No bad blood. She’s a sweetheart,” Vernon agreed. 

“Mhm, she does smell sweet too,” Jeonghan slurred slightly as he leaned into your side. 

“It’s my new perfume,” you answered. 

“Possibly, but I’m sure you would also taste very sweet,” Jeonghan flirted, making you grin. 

“That’s very true. You taste sweet,” Seungkwan agreed, and you stared at him. 

“How on earth would you know?” You asked, and Seungkwan grinned and turned to face your ex-boyfriend, who was turning beet red. 

“God, Y/N tastes so sweet, I could bury my tongue inside her and die a happy man,” Seungkwan mocked in a voice meant to sound like Vernon.

You gasped at Seungkwan’s words, which you guess were Vernon’s. 

“Vernon?” You asked. 

“Babe. I’m sorry. I thought this dude understood bro code,” Vernon mumbled, shooting Seungkwan a glare. 

“So, bad sex wasn’t the issue?” Seungcheol asked suddenly. 

“God no, the sex was amazing,” you admitted, the alcohol dissolving your filter. 

“What was a dirty secret of Vernon’s, one he won’t tell us?” Mingyu asked, wiggling his brows at you. 

“You guys are evil, and I’m not telling,” you replied, making Mingyu pout. 

“So, how good did she taste?” Mingyu asked, and you choked on your drink, and you were sure if they kept asking such questions, you’d end up choking on your drink all night long. 

“Sweet, like candy,” Vernon slurred, and you were tempted to throw something at your ex-boyfriend’s face to shut him up, but you’d be lying if you said the compliment didn’t flatter you. 

“Can I find out?” Mingyu asked, and all you could do was gawk at him and look at your ex-boyfriend, hoping Mingyu’s words wouldn’t start a fight. 

Instead, Vernon gave a lazy smile and leaned back in his seat. 

“Why don’t you ask her? I’m sure she’ll be happy to let you taste,” Vernon teased, and you snapped your legs shut, pressing your thighs together to get some relief. 

“Y/N? Can I taste you? I promise I’ll be good,” Mingyu said sincerely, his eyes hopeful and his gaze sinful. 

“Uh, I don’t see why not?” You offered slowly. 

“On one condition,” Vernon spoke. 

“Which is?” Mingyu asked. 

“I want to see,” Vernon said, and you gulped. 

“Shit, I think we found Vernon’s hidden kink. He’s a little vouyer,” Mingyu teased. 

“And you want to lick my ex’s pussy. Shall we get into your issues?” Vernon fired back, and Mingyu pouted and shook his head. 

“Y/N,” Vernon started to say, and you looked up at him. 

“Yes?” 

“Go over to Hyung, and give him a taste,” Vernon instructed, his voice smooth and husky. You nodded, downing your drink and got up, moved over to where Mingyu was sitting and placed yourself onto his lap. 

Mingyu reacted quicker, pulling you off his lap, placing you on the sofa, and making you yelp in the process as he got onto his knees. 

Mingyu smirked at you as he pulled your sweats and underwear off. You were already letting out a soft whimper, and Mingyu had barely touched you.  

“Pretty little pussy,” Mingyu praised, his hot breath on your cunt. 

“Gyu, please do something,” you begged, and a sharp slap to your cunt stopped your whimpers. 

“I’m not Gyu; I’m your Sir. Don’t fuck with me, princess, or you won’t cum,” Mingyu threatened, and you shook your head furiously, and you heard the faint groans of the other men in the room,

“Can you multitask, pretty princess?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded. 

“Good girl. Make Seungcheol Hyung cum, and I’ll make you cum,” Mingyu said, and you let out a soft moan before turning your head to see Seungcheol. 

Seungcheol was sitting next to you, and you turned your body, so your head was in his lap. You palmed his length, making him moan, and kept palming him until he hardened under your touch. 

You pulled his cock out of his grey sweats. You wrapped your mouth around his thick length, moaning as you tasted his arousal, and used your tongue to lap at it. 

“Princess, do you like sucking on Seungcheol Hyung’s cock?” Mingyu asked, and you whimpered, moaning around Seungcheol ’s cock, making Seungcheol grip your hair tighter as he thrust his cock further into your mouth, hissing as he did so.  

“Good girl,” Mingyu praised and finally placed his tongue on your cunt. Mingyu licked your pussy with short licks until his tongue finally reached your clit. You moaned more around Seungcheol’s cock, as Mingyu slid two long fingers into your cunt, while his tongue flicked your clit. 

You whimpered, trying to move your mouth away from Seungcheol ’s cock to moan, and Mingyu noticed, moving his mouth away immediately. 

“Until he cums down your greedy little throat, you do not move, understood?” Mingyu warned, making you whimper.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Mingyu said with a proud smirk. 

You groaned and resumed your actions on Seungcheol’s cock, while Mingyu kept fingering you all while sucking on your clit with his tongue.  

“Make her cum Gyu, and cum inside her. I want to lick your cum out of her,” Seungcheol said breathlessly, making Mingyu grunt as he nodded, moving his mouth away from your cunt. 

“Fuck you are so sweet, princess. You need to ride my face sometime,” Mingyu said, making you shudder at the thought. 

You kept bobbing your head up and down Seungcheol ’s cock, until he stilled and came down your throat, a string of curse words leaving Seungcheol ’s lips as he came. 

“Good?” You asked Seungcheol, removing your mouth from his cock. Seungcheol nodded lazily, smiling fondly at you.  

“Amazing,” Seungcheol complimented, making you smile. 

Mingyu moved his mouth away from your cunt to pull you into a soft kiss.

You yelped suddenly when Mingyu grabbed your waist and flipped you onto your hands and knees. You felt him push his length into you. Mingyu’s thick length was a lot longer, which allowed his cock to hit deep inside you. 

“Vernon!” You gasped, suddenly realising that he was in the room, along with Jeonghan and Seungkwan, but your worries faded when you saw Vernon’s hand palming his clothed erection and a smirk, letting you know it was okay to continue. 

“Fucking hell. You’re perfect, baby,” Mingyu praised as you moaned as you fell forward as he constantly pounded his cock into you, hitting all the right spots inside you. 

“More”, you begged, and a sharp slap to your ass silenced you as Mingyu grabbed your hair, yanking you up, your back pressed against his chest. 

“I set the pace, pretty girl. You’re just my little whore,” Mingyu warned, making you whimper. 

“Sorry, Sir,” you mumbled, and Mingyu groaned in approval, pounding senselessly into you. 

“Good girl,” Mingyu praised, finally pushing you over the edge and making you cum. You felt someone’s tongue on your pussy, making you wail in pleasure, as you looked down to see Seungcheol sucking on your clit. 

Mingyu came soon after your release, groaning as he pulled out of you. Mingyu placed a kiss on your cheek and helped to position you on your back. 

“Good?” Mingyu asked, and you moaned out a ‘yes,’ followed by a yelp when you felt Seungcheol resume his assault on your cunt. 

Seungcheol started to lick your clit, moving his tongue inside your cunt to lick Mingyu’s cum out of you, making you shiver as you came again. Seungcheol gave your pussy a final kiss and pulled away, smirking at your ex-boyfriend, who was sitting in the corner of the room, his hand now under his jeans, cupping his hardened length. 

You felt yourself being woken up from your dream-like state when Seungkwan picked you up in his arms. Seungkwan carried you over and placed you down slowly onto Jeonghan ’s cock. You let out a hiss, already sensitive from your multiple orgasms. 

“God, you’re tight, and Mingyu, where are your manners? Not letting your Hyungs have a turn first?” Jeonghan asked, and you giggled. 

“Sorry, Hyung, but you know you can’t last that long, so if you went now, you’d be out,” Mingyu teased, making Jeonghan glare at the tall man. 

“If this kitten weren’t soaking my cock right now, you’d be a dead man,” Jeonghan threatened, and Mingyu shrugged. 

Jeonghan sighed, ignoring Mingyu and instead wrapped his hands around your waist, holding you still and placing a soft kiss on your lips. You weren’t sure when Seungkwan sat down next to you, but you whimpered when you felt his long fingers on your clit. 

“Fucking hell,” you moaned, falling into Jeonghan ’s toned chest. 

“Pretty girl, I’m going to fuck you along with Hyung. Will you let me?” Seungkwan asked, his hot breath on your neck, and you let out a muffled gasp before answering. 

“Yes,” you breathed out, and Seungkwan groaned, feeling his cock twitch, and he couldn't move quickly enough. 

“Hyung, can you lay down? I want to see if she can take both of us in one go?” Seungkwan asked, and Jeonghan groaned and nodded as he laid down on the couch carefully to never pull out of your tight cunt. 

“Good god,” Seungkwan groaned as he knelt between Jeonghan’s legs and positioned himself at your entrance, and pushed his thick cock in, resting it against Jeonghan’s. You moaned, found Jeonghan’s lips, and kissed him, gently biting and tugging his full lips, begging for more. 

Both men groaned, feeling how tight you were, hissing as their cocks rubbed against one another. Jeonghan started to thrust first, and Seungkwan followed after. 

Both men were close, and Seungkwan knew this and moved his hands down to massage Jeonghan ’s balls, making him whine and buck into you harder, causing you to collapse onto his chest as you came, making them both groan as you tightened around their cocks. 

You felt Seungkwan yank you into his embrace; your back pressed into his chest. 

“None of us are quite done with you, baby,” Seungkwan said, and you nodded lazily. You were pretty sure your limbs would be out of commission, but you didn’t care because the pleasure was overwhelmingly good. 

You turned your head to see Mingyu standing by your side and Seungcheol on the other, and you shakily reached to take Mingyu into your mouth while your hand stroked Seungcheol. 

The room was soon filled with sinful noises, groans, whines and whimpers. 

You screamed as you came again. This time after Jeonghan came inside you first, Seungkwan hissed, soon releasing in you as well. Both men continued to stay inside you while you moaned around Mingyu’s cock as his grip on your hair got tighter until he finally came, and you greedily swallowed his release. 

You moved your mouth off Mingyu’s cock and turned all your attention to Seungcheol and replaced your hand with your mouth, and sucked him until he, too, came down your throat. 

Mingyu and Seungcheol lay back on the sofa while Seungkwan and Jeonghan pulled out of you slowly while you laid back on the couch and were about to relax and recover. 

Jeonghan, however, had other plans and suddenly shoved three fingers into your cunt, while Seungkwan rubbed your clit, making you squirt and writhe as you came undone again. 

You shook, gasping as you curled into Jeonghan’s chest, who placed a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“So, round two?”  Jeonghan  joked, earning a glare from you. 

“I’m not opposed to it. Mind if I join the next time, kitten?” Vernon asked, his voice husky and low, and you gulped, nodding. 

“Mhm, please do.” 

[glitchyk]

I got a bit bored and, well… I looked at some of the first people I followed in tumblr

I just wanted to say to everyone, if you’re a mutual, a follower, someone I follow, or someone that just looks upon my posts

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

You guys are all amazing

Irl-ish me holding a plushie of @gummy-axolotl @unfunnyaceartist @lilithloves-you @dia-smthidk and @moshieee, along with a plushie Kay because I’m… glad I have you all.

Um insanely happy I joined tumblr… almost a year ago at this point.

Even if I’ve met some people I dislike, I’ve met so many people I love, some of them like Lilith I’ve known beforehand, but still.. I’m happy I could make friends here

I’ve made so many more friends I love aside from just these ones mentioned, but I figured I’d sorta give a shout-out for, well… being some of my first mutuals

You guys are all amazing, it’s a low quality thing because I’m feeling off, but… I still wanted to make it, I was doing it off of memory of peoples sonas.

I just… I’m happy.

This is the first social media platform I actually joined

I did it just to write for my one tadc au, and so I could mainly like sm baby’s art ngl, because I wanted to show blatant appreciation— but anyways this is about my first mutuals

I know it’s random, but, I wanted to talk a bit about these amazing people that started off my great time here on tumblr

Lilith: I’ve known you since way before I went on tumblr, but it’s still fun to be silly with you. I’m just happy you’re my friend in general, I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve such a great sister, but, I’ve got one now, don’t I? You’re awesome, and you deserve oh so much more than anyone here can give you. I could go on and on about it.. but I won’t, because it’ll be too long… there’s so much I can thank you for, I could thank you for days straight and it wouldn’t be close to done, with how much you do for me, and how much you mean to me, the years and years of emotions, all positive, even if I don’t know how to show it.. I love ya, sis.

Dia: I’m happy I know you, man, I’m happy you liked my stupid ideas like mafia au.. I’m glad I met you and could help you and the others get closer through mafia. I love sharing stupid little ideas with you, and even if it’s odd I’ve found someone I can relate to in certain ways- you’re really different from me skill wise and honestly you’re so cool, I aspire to be like you in a lot of aspects, I’m happy you liked my stupid Seath and Enosh and other sily tadc characters I’ve made, and just that you oddly like my stuff in general

Moshie: You’re fucking amazing, you’re someone I immediately clicked with, I’m so happy you decided to be my friend, I’m so happy that I could meet someone I am actually not just similar to but on the SAME BRAINWAVE as like half the time. I love hearing your laugh when I make a stupid joke or comment when playing slay the princess, and I hope one day I can be like you traditional art wise, you inspired me when I first saw your art. I thought that I was inferior to anyone skill wise online because I did traditional, but, I saw your amazing art after you interacted with Hootbon, and I just fell in love/p with your work, and you in general, you inspired me a lot

Gummy: we don’t talk that much- that’s mostly my bad ngl- but I love seeing you, it’s nice to watch you have fun with your characters you love, I enjoy seeing your posts, I love that you’re so open about how you feel on things. I’ve barely talked with you as of late, but you feel like an older sibling to me, someone’s I just scroll through your blog and see how you’re doing, because I think you are awesome but I don’t wanna appear outta nowhere dhshjs anyways you’ve made me feel wanted here, you made me feel confident about my writing and ideas a bit.. you’re really cool

Ace: my loving talented wife who is not available on tumblr… when you do eventually see this, you’re amazing. We feel so similar, but so different, and it’s just.. I’m happy I can work with you, I guess. We both struggle with some of the same issues, and with some of those things, at the exact same time, and I’m happy I can be here with you, to tell you that no, there’s nothing wrong with you, you just have your own emotions and feelings, and that I can help you work through those when we’re both hurt. And your art, it’s amazing, you’re so funny and talented, despite saying you’re not, you’re a great friend, and a great online wife. It’s… there’s a reason you’re my sunshine. Even if there’s billions of other stars in the sky, you’re the one I’m focused on, you’re the brightest one in this aspect of my life.

Og base used below the cut

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[theres-an-endless-starry-sky]

⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅ ⋅ Hello there! ⋅ ∙ ∘ ☽ ༓ ☾ ∘ ⋅

My name is Jamie, I am the creator of 4 updating unfinished fics and do weekly one-shots! You can request a one-shot idea in my asks!

(See end of post for boundaries for requests!)

SOME FACTS ABOUT ME╰┈➤

I work as a barista/custom service/sometimes kitchen (????), I can tell you exactly what coffee to get if you tell me how much sleep you've had and how much you like sugar (feel free to send an ask!) I do 8am shifts usually and I want to die- I have weird online hours, apparently I'm never not online- Its become concerning... I'm either a James Potter or a Sirius/Regulus Black according to my mutuals/discord friends (Y'all need to make up your minds!! Let me know what you think-)

Any pronouns folks! Mix them up! Play games with them! I do prefer masc terms used for me but I identify as Gender Queer.

Flirty/joking/bullying/trolling/insults are okay as long as I know you and we've messaged before AND we're mutuals :D

MY Ao3 ACCOUNT - best fics MY AO3 ACCOUNT - random self indulgent shit TAG LIST FOR FICS (including links to all fics) The price of shiny secrets (I’m drunk in the back of the car) ONGOING 5.5k 1/3 Jegulus (chapter 2 draft 1 complete chapter 3 fully planned)

The history book on the shelf ONGOING 5.8k 2/? Jegulus long fic

Who’s taller poll series - on hold

One shot requests list - to see when I’m doing yours :)

Don’t really believe in complicated DNI’s as no one checks them unless they’re mutuals ig just don’t be a dick?

My tags:

#10/10 <- really cool posts I love

#jamie irl <- irl stuff

#you need not apply fics OR #jamies fics <- my fics

#jamies quotes <- quotes I’ve written or my fanfic quotes ect

Mutuals tags;

@moon-0f-saturn -> cally

@awokenbydreams / @canonically-dorcas-wife -> Dorcas wife

@stardustlixie -> lixie

@vecreates -> ve space @savagesyeah -> Bri

@beautyoftheships -> theships

Imma say it series where I say my opinions and y’all tell me if they’re shit

Facts about the stars where I make you cry over the black family names One Shot Requests I have 3 rules for requests, these are none negotiable: 1- NO INCEST 2- No underage/problematic age gap ships (like Snape x Harry, Sirius x Hermione) 3- Limited NSFW (see below)

Limited NSFW (I can't believe I'm typing this)

Getting this out now; I DON'T WRITE PWP, HARDCORE SMUT ectect, I write hinting towards, maybe some thoughts, touches and talks but not explicit smut. I care more about the plot then the smut.

[nemmet]

ok ok ok i know you def headcanon fred autistic too (besides mystery inc which is canon lol) so you were the first person i could think to say this to after reading your posts sooo

i bet !!!! he was autistic coded the whole time and the creators themselves just did not know what they were doing!!!

before autism had a name and well known rep and stuff, before people really knew what it was, higher functioning autistics were just “quirky” or whatever. and say, if you were making a tv show or book, you wanted to take inspiration from real life. and you gave one of your characters traits you’d seen in those quirky individuals. you didn’t know what it was nor did anyone else, it was just a personality trait you gave them based off of what you’d observed !

neither the creator nor viewers would know that person was autistic. it was just mimicking traits you’d seen irl. and that’s why i strongly believe fred is autistic coded whether they planned it or not, even — almost especially — in a time where autism wasn’t well known !!!! that’s an argument given a lot from what i’ve seen, that an old cartoon wouldn’t purposely have an autistic character. but they would and they have. they just don’t know that’s what it’s called. it’s just a part of life, which people forget. buddy’s just undiagnosed lol /hj

autism is everywhere mwahaha >:)

anyways sorry for rant and quite possibly stating the obvious 😭😭

the way my face lit up when i saw this in my inbox!!! always so happy to talk about autistic fred :)

autistic coding absolutely happens in cases where the writer doesn't intend it, and early versions of fred very well could be one!! a lot of his "quirky" moments in the older shows come from the odd scene where he does something so bizarre and spontaneous that it flips his well-put-together exterior on its head, like running down the joker & penguin in a rolling tire. this source of comedy from his character very much continues into his later incarnations, just in a way that seems more thoughtful/purposeful. like, at first glance he seems to be a very average, simple, good-looking boy!! but then he opens his mouth and he's a lame grandpa who will tell you about the history of nets regardless of whether or not you're listening, and impulsively start cheerleading routines to raise his friends' spirits.

and all of that just feels like such an autism thing, or at least one i can relate my own personality and experiences to. i love the idea that the writers of pre-mystery inc versions of fred may have taken character inspiration from similarly undiagnosed or unrecognised neurodivergent people in a time when those traits were merely considered "quirkiness". the idea that he's undiagnosed up until mystery inc is so canon to me now.

and to top it all off, yeah fred can be the butt of the joke sometimes, but he's still always a character we feel endeared to and want to root for! his strengths are unconventional and concentrated in specific areas, but he's highly competent and caring while also feeling human in his moments of awkwardness and insecurity!! and that's why i think he's such a great autistic character in both coding and canon, and why it makes me happy to see people celebrate this about him.

your ask was such a lovely thing to read and respond to, thank you! and thank you if you're still here and have read nem's ramble number 1000000 about autistic fred. goodnight coolsville ohio

[polyamorouspunk]

vent / crush stuff / jealousy idfk i was crying and now im pissed

i just got indirectly rejected by my crush *again* and im fucking miserable. and when i say indirectly i mean i did Not fucking initiate this im not like. repeatedly flirting w him or coming on to him despte him saying no. i never really have in the first place. my stupid fucking friends made another joke about us and he made it so clear that the chances of Us are in the fucking negative. Great. not like i didnt already *know* but fucking. great.

sometimes im so fucking resentful of my girlfriend. she realized she liked him after i did and started dating him a few months later which is a *feat* considering hes on the aromantic spectrum. shes just That fucking special i guess. shes white, blonde, oh so fragile, passes near perfectly, feminine, and is conventionally attractive in almost every way. everything i resent myself for not being. everyone and their mother is fucking enamored with her because shes cute and acts all blushy and shit. when *she* has a crush, its not seen as a threat, and everyone wants to help her. i thought *i* could try out the fluttery and lovesick routine for once a few months ago but i had to stop bc talking abt my crush was only causing problems, including the fact that she got jealous abt us being good friends, despite yk *her being the one dating him* :))))))

god i wish i could be content with the friendship we have. i think friendship can be just important as romance or more but thats really hard to actually GET in the real fuckin world because society is so obsessed wih amatonormativity. the one example i had of irl super valuable platonic love was my gf and... someone shes now started dating 🙃. (someone whos made her strong boundaries against romance SUPER clear in the past! but i guess! my gf! is that fucking special!!)

there is no fucking hope for me. i dont even care abt kissing and shit. i just want physical affection and to be valued highly by someone. i want to be able to say i love you. why the hell is that not allowed.

ughh. super long ask. thanks for reading it.

I’m so sorry that sounds awful. Have you tried talking to either of them about it without admitting it’s because you have feelings for him? I mean I would hope that any decent friend/partner would respect if you don’t like any kind of joke they make, in a romantic sense or not.

There’s a reason I’ve never dated anyone else polyam before and that’s been my jealousy issues, so I get the idea of resenting your partner for having something you want but can’t have, and I’m really sorry.

And if you like someone romantically it can be hard to be happy with something platonic, and there’s no shame in that! Because, yeah, as much as we preach that friendships are just as important as romantic relationships, but you’re right how much is that actually the case, as much as we say it should be? There’s a push for it for a reason: it’s not the norm.

I hope things change and get better for you in one way or another.

[sxtaep]

You only got horny once? That means that you're purer and better than most of us here 😭😭😭😭😭😭. What did tht guy do to ruin you? 👀

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE NEED SOME TMI AROUND HERE 😭😭😭

it’s probably nothing serious and petty to some of you BUT THIS FUCKED ME UP DIFFERENTLY 😭

get ready for a long, boring story time guys

tw: jahanara being fucking stupid

ok i’ve mentioned this guy before, but let’s call him X for this storyline 😭

so, me and X have known each other since we were 11, we went to the same secondary school and ended up going to the same college. we weren’t close in secondary school, he was just a classmate and a mutual friend and that was it really.

going round to september 2020 when college started, that’s when we found out that we went to the same college and a lot of our mutual friends also joined us there so that’s when we started getting close along with our other friends.

it all started with a game of among us and then a server on discord where we used to play and talk everyday 😭 it was really fun and i guess that stemmed my liking towards him?

he was so nice and funny and he’d always be nicer to me compared to everyone else in our friend group and that just threw me totally off-guard.

in college when we’d meet up before/after our classes, we’d be with the rest of our friends just chilling and stuff or we’d be walking home together talking about the most random things (mostly aot).

now now, everyone in our friend group knew that i used to write smut and ffs and stuff so they’d always tease me about it, but he in particular would ask me questions like “how do you come up with this stuff?” “are you even into any of the things you write?” and i’m guessing he used that against me later on, you’ll see.

i think around December 2020 was when i became absolutely certain that i had a crush on him and IT WAS KILLING MEEE and it was the night of my birthday, i was talking to my close friends and i told them i was gonna confess just to get it off my chest and they were very onboard and supportive about it, so i messaged him.

surprisingly, he was very nice and normal about it which was weird because he’s the most unemotional person in the world 😭 but yeah, he said he appreciates it but he wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything and he’s more focused on his studies and i reassured him like “oh, i’m not looking for a relationship either, i’m just telling you to get it out of the way.”

like genuinely, i didn’t want a relationship, YOU GUYS KNOW ME 💀😭 but yeah, and he goes “you deserve someone a lot better than me anyway,” which made me go ??? wow really?

we ended the conversation on a good note and basically got on with our lives as normal.

two weeks go by and suddenly he’s being so distant towards me?? he was actively speaking on the groupchats we were in and taking to other people but whenever i tried to speak to him ON THE GROUP CHAT, he’d just ignore me and i was thinking ????? ok then, what did i do to him?

it got quite bad to the point where he’d just be openly rude to me and making unsolicited jokes towards me (and other people) so we were all like what the hell???

he also VERY SPECIFICALLY SAID “jahanara is not funny” which tbh idrc about bc a lot of my irls say i’m the least funniest in the group 😭 but my mates were still there to defend me like their lives depend on it (love them fr 😭) and then he goes again, “jahanara is not funny. at all.” IM LIKE DAMN DUDE WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

of course i ignored it and didn’t say anything because i HATE confrontation so i just left it.

X was close with my friend L, so she asked him why he was being so rude and distant to me and he goes “i didn’t want jahanara liking me because i knew she would end up hurt, so i made it seem like i’m a dickhead,” AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA 💀💀💀 it was not.

around february 2021, i was getting very very excited for the grammys because i thought bts would win and so i put a poll on my snapchat story that said ‘if bts win a grammy, i will _____’

that gained a lot of traction and people were sending crazy suggestions and one of my close friends was like “you should masturbate” AND I WAS LIKE GIRL???? ARE YOU FR???

and she was dead serious SO AS A JOKE, i added that onto the poll and everyone voted for that option because everyone saw me as the overtly horny virgin for bts that has never touched herself before because she’s scared 😭😭

i think a day before the grammys, everyone on the groupchat was talking about it, even the non-armys in our friend group were so invested in me doing this if bts won 😭 and they were all giving me tips and stuff and suddenly X goes “message me when you do it.”

i didn’t think much of it because my best friend also told me to message her when i do it which was so embarrassing 💀😭

so the grammys start, it’s about 2am march 15th 2020, and i’m sitting there waiting for them to announce who on, and of course, bts lost. i was bummed that they didn’t win but i thought fuck it, let me just do it once and get it over with because im an adult, how have i not done it before?

i send a snap of myself with a thumbs up to my best friend and X and i was like “wish me luck guys” and i was shitting bricks 😭

obviously i didn’t know what to do or how to start, but X responded to my snap straight away and he asked me if i knew what to do and i said no 💀 and i guess he kind of… got me started????

this is so embarrassing but he did actually help me get in the mood, he texted me a bit, yk just telling me how to get started AND I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER MY HEAD BUT I SENT HIM NUDES 😭😭😭😭 LIKE NOT FULL ON FRONTAL NUDES, JUST LIKE…. A TITTY PIC OR TWO. OR THREE (bare in mind, i genuinely thought he was helping me because he liked me back 3 months after i confessed).

like seriously, idk what possessed me to send him nudes, i think i was very h word and gripped onto the fact that he may have actually had feelings for me 😭

he screenshot all of them and he was feeding me with so many compliments and praise and yk pulling the whole “pretty girl” “good girl” thing and that really got me going 😭

OH AND THEN HE PHONED MEEEE AND HE GUIDING ME THROUGH THE PHONEEEE AND THAT DID IT FOR ME that was the first time i actually felt very GENUINELY turned on, LIKE I WAS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR, THIGHS LITERALLY SHAKINGGGGG AND THROBBING AND I WAS SHOCKED BECAUSE IS THIS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO FEEL??????

he was also… getting off too, i heard it all so that also blinded me into thinking he had feelings for me too 💀💀💀

he was doing the whole “if i was with you rn, i’d treat you so good” blah blah blah yk? the usual stuff, and i’m pretty sure we were at it for a good 40 minutes before wrapping up because i genuinely couldn’t finish and i hear a lot of women don’t finish often so i figured it was normal.

we said goodnight to each other and ended the call and the next day he sends a message on the groupchat and he goes “how was it, jahanara?” and i didn’t know what to say so i just went “yep, good. very good.” like we were playing this 'lets keep this between ourselves'.

i fully thought he liked me back after that night 😭 bro i was so blind 💀

i ended up telling my best friend because she has no other friends fr she’s my ride or die, so i just told her and the keeping it a secret thing didn’t last because one of X’s friends messaged me asking about it and i was like ….. how do you know?

turned out, X told his friend about it WHICH IMMEDIATELY GOT ME THINKING, OH NO WHAT IF HE SHOWED THE PICS I SENT??? so i messaged him asking him to delete them and he did, with proof, thank god .

everyone ended up finding out about what happened that night so everytime it was mentioned, it was just so awkward between us.

this all happened during the december-march 2021 lockdown we had and the lockdown ended on the 17th so i saw him that day it was so awkward being around him after that, i just knew things would never be the same.

i’d say around may, he started gaining an interest in one of my friends (a very close online friend) let’s call her D after i posted a photo of her on my story.

he kept asking questions about whether she had a boyfriend and stuff and me being me, completely impartial, i told him no, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and then he wanted to add her on snap so i gave it to him.

i checked in with my friend D and she said she was fine being added by him and she had absolutely no interest in him the way he did AND she knew i liked him so she was never going to pursue anything anyway.

she added him back and X was trying to flirt with her and D thought it was the most embarrassing thing ever trying so hard to win her over.

he spent a good couple weeks chatting her up and begging for photos (nudes, duh) and she didn’t give them so he kind stopped with all the messages.

i knew everything because D was telling me what he was doing and i thought… God wtf? is this who i really like?

a lot of our friends found out about it and confronted him going “why would you go after jahanara’s friend begging for nudes when you know she still likes you?” and he got so much shit for it he took it out on me, again, being rude and making insensitive comments about everything and from there everything just fizzled.

i removed him everywhere, snapchat, instagram, his number, discord etc etc and he did the same apparently i couldn’t care less.

he became this guy that was so hard to talk to without getting attacked for no reason and he started spewing all this shit about what happened on grammys night, and just talking so much bs but me being me, i didn’t say anything about it or confront him about it so i just left it and let everyone else say what they wanted.

throughout 2021/22 everything died down, the groupchat became less active, people were talking a lot less, X was still bitching around me and being rude but whatever. everyone started uni so the groupchat actually died out so now interactions are very scarce.

this whole story pretty much stemmed my dislike towards males and relationships and sexual encounters. i haven’t even ATTEMPTED to be intimiate with myself since march 2020 because i’m always gonna be reminded of him and what he did, telling all his mates about it and what-not.

can’t even bring myself to wear the same pyjamas i wore that night because it makes me feel icky ☹️

but ye, that’s the story in balamory 😁 hope you guys enjoyed 😁👍

bared my titties for someone that wasn’t bangtan, i can’t believe it

[jaegerisim]

Hey El! I was just wondering, are you out to people in ur life irl (like ur parents, friends, ect)? If so, what was your process of coming out to them, and how did you deal with people who were a little homophobic or even a lot? If not, do you ever think you will, and why? I’ve been in the closet irl for almost a year and a half now because of homophobic parents, so I’d really like to hear ur story 🙂

Hi nonny! Well, I’ve officially come out to my mom, my brothers, my bff, my fiancé and a couple of other close friends. They know I’m bi, but they don’t know I’m a demigirl, and honestly, they never will. I don’t feel comfortable telling them that, tbh. I don’t rlly fancy the idea of me telling them that, especially when the concept of “gender” is something pretty difficult for many Asians to grasp (at least in my experience, don’t come at me, ok? 😭😭😭😭😭)

ok so I came out to my mom one day when I was still a teen. We were talking about one of my closest friends, at the time, my mom told me the girl had very pretty eyes and I went on this ramble about all the beautiful things things the girl had. My mom was just kinda staring at me like “😯”. So I just straight up went and said “Mom, I like girls as well as boys. I’m bisexual” and my mom (who I knew wouldn’t be homophobic abt it) said “cool, now go clean the dishes! 🥰 or ur lazy ass gonna get whooped” (typical Asian mom, smh). I never told my dad cuz his family is much more conservative and my halmeoni from his side think “gay” is synonymous to “mental illness”. I think my dad kinda guessed it, he’s never said anything about it, tho. My older brother came out as pan a few years before me, when he introduced his bf. Then a few years after me, my twin came out as aroace. They preferred to come out to my dad and I preferred my mom. That’s just how shit is. U tell who u wanna tell, and if ur parents are homophobic then they can go fuck themselves tbh. u can tell whoever u want to ok, nonny? And despite what the str8 media tells u about ur parents needing to be the first to know, it doesn’t have to be like that if u don’t want to. Your friends can be the first to know and ur parents could be the last. Your parents don’t even have to know if u don’t want to.

I came out to my friends and while all of them weren’t homophobic to my face or in that moment, many of them showed their true colors with time.

When you come out, you never really know how they’re gonna react. So you gotta learn to not gaf abt their say on this bc they don’t get one. Plus, at the end of the day, this is about u not them, don’t let them twist you’re coming out into something about them. You don’t have to even tell them and if u do tell them, u r doing it for u, not them. You don’t own anyone anything.

If you wanna know, I‘ve never really learned how to deal w the homophobia and I don’t think I ever will. Homophobia, is not something u assume and it doesn’t always present itself in the same way. Sometimes it’s a comment abt how bi ppl are sluts, other times it’s “joking” comment about being able to have as many threesomes as I want, another time it can be someone straight up calling u a slur. You never know, when or how or from whom the homophobia may come and personally I can’t live with having my guard constantly up. So sometimes I fight back, other times I feel like just ignoring them and maybe a couple of times I break down and cry about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes the most “innocent” comment can be my breaking point while some days and don’t even mind them. Honestly? I find pretty scary the fact that sometimes I realize that I have assumed receiving homophobia and slurs to a very deep level.

Anyway, nonny, I hope this ramble answered ur question! 💕🌈

[jen-lee3]

So I love Resident Evil, and in particular Leon Kennedy because when I was like six or seven I watched my dad play Resident Evil 4 on the gamecube and went, I like this funny man. And now years later the remakes slammed me in the face now that I'm capable of complex thoughts. But none of my irl friends like Resident Evil to the point my best friend has stopped me mid conversation because I got really focused on it again. So I need people to talk to about Resident Evil, if not for my sake then my friends. So here are some random Leon headcanons/thoughts that I need to put somewhere. They're not completely original of course, but here.

These are pretty much all Remake Leon, because honestly I prefer him. He's got consistent characterization. Not that og Leon had much of a chance in that regard, there were a lot of writers and years and even consoles between each game, and I still love him. Remake Leon just gives me a chronic case of "i can fix him" disease.

He is a dog person, 100%. I think there's even art for either 2 or 1.5 of him with a bloodhound. But we knew this.

He can’t really have a pet, but if he could I think he’d inexplicably end up with a cat. He doesn’t know how this happened. It just did, and suddenly his phone is filled with pictures of this cat. Like a real ugly cat too.

I feel like he played soccer or baseball in high school. Gotta get look good for those college apps. Absolutely not foot ball.

I feel like he was well liked in high school and college. Not exactly popular, but if someone was planning a party and saw him walk by, shout out an invite to him, because he's just a nice guy.

Girls probably liked him being at parties because while he's bad at flirting, he is always ready to throw down with a creep, watch a drink, walk a girl home. Using his hero complex to enjoy a party without worry.

Leon listens to dad rock. This much is obvious. I’m using my parents for reference but they’re roughly about ten years older so there's differences. Def doesn’t listen to as much hair metal I think, but would probably get a kick out of steel panther still. 

So much nirvana though. So much.

That being said, nothing is funnier than the idea of his inner elevator music being Linkin Park. He kinda missed them, getting beat up by Krauser. But I can see Chris several years later grabbing a cd thinking Leon might like this. Leon doesn’t know when Chris found out his birthday to buy him this gift as he did not tell him. 

The visual of Leon zoning out and miserable with Numb playing just hits different okay. 

Also everyone has seemed to collectively decide he likes NIN, specifically Closer. Which yes totally see it for re4 Leon, but also hilarious. He was 17 when that song came out. Can you imagine, freshman year or college with a Leon that's even a few years younger than re2 Leon, taking a girl back to his dorm room, and putting on some music to try and set the mood or something, and that song pops on. “I wanna fuck you like an animal” Sir, you are a golden retriever of a man that song doesn’t suit you yet.

Leon’s arm with the bullet wound seems to have some issues. I’ve seen several people throw that idea around and it makes sense. We know it was hours before he got proper medical attention at the very least if not days. 

I also think he might have some slight tinnitus. Maybe just in one ear. Not enough that it would make him more vulnerable in a fight than his arm having issues. But the amount of explosions, getting thrown around, and even firing a gun. It wouldn’t be surprising.

I know that when he mentioned Wesker before he called him ‘Wesker’ like everyone else. But I think if they met, Leon would call him Albert cause it’s funny and he had no sense of self preservation. 

I think Leon has a weird thing about his neck. Like sure it's fun to joke about him getting choked, but he has actually been choked by a lot of monsters to the point it’s probably touchy for him. I genuinely don’t think he’d like getting choked. And even touching his neck gets him to flinch unless he trusts them.

I didn’t want to get into nsfw, but since there's literally a tag for this on AO3… yeah, Leon’s packing. At the very least, I think this because something has to give him the confidence to say all that stupid shit. Because I don’t think it’s just his fighting skill. 

Eye contact. The boy loves eye contact. If you manage to get in a conversation with him (and there's not zombies trying to kill you) he is keeping his focus and his gaze. And you know… eye contact in other situations too I guess…

He watched Buffy season 1, only got to watch exactly 2 episodes of Buffy season 2 before Racoon city. I looked up when the episodes aired. He didn’t even get to see the Angelus arc. He’ll never go back and watch until years later when streaming is a thing. 

Another idea I’ve seen more than once I agree with. His apartment is so impersonal. Man walked into Ikea, pointed at one of their display rooms and said yes. Which is what they did in The Room. Tommy Wiseau looked at a display window and went yes.

Loves blockbuster and other video rentals. He loves movies but it’s probably hard for him to have a collection, so he rents them. Though that's always risky if he gets called away. But what else is he gonna spend his money on, the late fees are barely an issue.

sapphire-weapon has a lot of good Leon headcanons but I like the one about him being a fantasy nerd in particular. Being a Neil Gaimon fan makes a lot of sense. Probably enjoys some Terry Prachet as well. Very picky about fantasy but I would just want to show him my weird puppet movies. Like come on, this one has David Bowie who doesn’t like David Bowie?

I recently was shown Escape from New York and I think Leon and Chris would somehow start talking about that movie and they’ll get really excited about it and that they both love it. Like lots of good Kurt Russel movies, but I don’t think The Thing or Big Trouble in Little China gets the same results from those two.

He’s probably not Italian. If he is, it's probably too far back to matter or at the closest a grandparent they don’t really talk too. I would buy Scottish or Irish relatives closer than Italian. He is a white guy in America so he is probably a mix from several European countries but again, too far back to matter or really affect him culturally. He’s just American. Take this from someone who is of Italian descent, (my dad’s grandparents moved to Canada from Italy) and while I’m only a quarter Italian and actually have very similar colouring to Leon (pale, blue eyes, blonde) my family is still very Italian. So I feel like I can be a pretty good point of reference here.

Also the mafia background. Y’all saw one concept artist say he was Italian, and then that mock interview back in the day said his parents died in a “heinous crime” and decided it was mafia related, which hey. But idk, he seems too plucky in re2r. I feel like he’d be more disillusioned with the police force if something like that happened. I mean that is applying realism to Resident Evil which as we all know is a very grounded and realistic horror game, but regardless, he’s not mafia. Mafia princess Leon is hilarious, but just as a fun au.

But eerizon mama’s boy video tho? Makes me want to rip my phone in half (affectionate)

Probably raised catholic. He’s got a couple lines about religion and by merit of being a white guy in America, def christian family. Now y’all in the states have like a million different versions, start throwing directions into it too, so I really only know catholic. And also, Sister Michael of Derry Girls comes to me saying “I do love a good statue it must be said” and she’s right. 

I wish there was more fan art of Leon with Catholic aesthetics because they're so good. Martyr Leon, Saint Leon. the possibilities. God I wish I could draw.

As for shipping, I’ll ship Leon with just about anyone.

Leon and Ashley are my personal favourite, I just think it’s adorable and knight/prince/ss relationships make me feral. 

Chris and Leon are fun because grumpy old men romance!

Luis and Leon are really fun because Leon looks like scary dog privilege but I like the idea Luis is the dangerous one. He may or may not have been involved with Nemesis. Pissing off Leon is bad, but pissing off his boyfriend? Rip. 

Leon and Ada are toxic and fun. I don’t understand the sentiment of, oh it’s not manipulative or unhealthy. Yes it is, that's why it’s sexy. I support women’s wrongs.

Leon and Claire are wild, something ends up on fire at the end of all their dates.

Leon and Krauser… okay maybe I don’t ship them. OG Leon? Sure, they’re more equals. Remake Leon? Krauser I’ll kill you.

In my head I refer to him as blonde because I first saw him in OG re4, but he's really more of a brunette huh. It also varies even in that regard (looking at you vendetta). Kinda like Link. Various between shades of blonde and brown with one random ginger/pink thrown in due to tech constraints.

Anyways, I have more thoughts but this was already waaaay too long. Please talk to me about Resident Evil my bestie can’t take it anymore.

[matan4il]

Good Morning!!! Hope your feeling well today and got good health news. We actually have rain here in CA today which makes everyone excited since we are in a never ending drought. I was just hoping to add something about Carla if you don't mind.

So narrative wise. I believe Carla has always been set up as Eddie's sounding board (especially about his family) but now it's being reinforced because who will he gay panic/I'm in love with my best friend with but her. She's especially perfect because she knows Buck. This isn't something he will fret with Buck about because it is about Buck. Also this was kind of alluded to when Eddie made the joke, Im only talking to Carla now about Chris teasing/kissing. It could have just been a joke or it could also be considered forshadowing. What do you call her the Buddie Godmother? Very accurate lol!!

Secondly IRL they portray Carla's characters place in Eddie's life very accurately. I'm not sure if it's truly their intent or if it's accidental. However they have always truly represented a special needs parent life for Eddie. I know Home Health Care Aides and I also know people that need them. We have some of the best social services in CA. They generally are a part of your family. They are involved so intimately with your family because they really are in the trenches with you.

I guess my point is on both fronts Carla's place in the storyline is spot on and also very accurate to how she has been there all along. That hasn't changed at all. Even when they wanted to show the sadness of the pandemic, it was by showing us she had to read to Christopher over zoom.

Thanks for letting me ramble!!! Sending you lots of love from all the way over here!!!

Hi darling! Thank you so much, I’m not great, but that’s more to do with work than health right now, I had to deal with two antisemites in the last two tours I’ve given and I am SO tired, I swear. I was entertaining quitting today (totally what I needed on the first eve of Hanukkah, too). And then one lady said a couple of kind words and I picked myself up and continued. Sometimes that’s all it takes, right? *hearts*

I agree with you so much that Carla demonstrates how home health care aides do integrate into families, and I think they always had that idea in mind, we see it even back in s1 when Carla is still with Abby. I’m sure they wanted to maintain that element after Abby departed. I also believe that they wanted Carla as a soundboard for Abby before she left, so it made sense that once they had a new character without a spouse on the show, they would kill two birds with one stone by moving her to be Eddie’s soundboard as well.

And absolutely, if and when they want Eddie to have a revelation and need someone to vocally agonize to over the pining and fear and want and obstacles, she would be perfectly placed for that. Especially since she’s already been established as being interested in his (and Abby’s) romantic life. How fitting (and poetic) that in both cases, it would end up being about Buck, and that Carla would be able to witness how Eddie will heal what Abby has broken?

Oh, you are always welcome to ramble in my inbox, and you never have to thank me for it! I’m happy for anything I can do for you, lovely! Sending you lots of love, hugs and good rain! (as always, here’s my ask tag!) xoxox

[agentofanarchy110]

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

Yes with dad, no with mum

the only boyfriend I ever had, who incidentally is a dickhead

I regret many things, chiefly falling for my ex lololol

oh definitely

single Pringle couldn’t care less about the mingle

i don’t

Mini pancake

used to be on a netball team despite being 5”2

always and forever I don’t even like long nails (sensory autistic thing I hate it if I make a fist and they dig in)

Oooooo don’t actually remember but most memorable was I hit someone around the face when I was 12 for calling me retarded (got detention but so worth it) NO NOT REALLY DONT HIT PEOPLE KIDS

wish I did (demiromantic asexual I’m doomed)

no but I’ve stayed up for 36

no, pretty mild feelings here

I miss my cat who died an awful and undeserved death earlier this year

I have two new cat bois

anxious, bored, tired but not that bad

I’ve never made out with anyone let alone in a bathroom

yes, but only if they get too close

hell yes who wouldn’t

nowhere. I haven’t.

sit in bed doing nothing all day watching YouTube hopefully

I genuinely have no idea. If I do, probably only one, or twins, cause I don’t want to go through every stage twice. They’d be adopted

no, but I’d like ear piercings some day if I can learn not to pick scabs

English and Film Studies!

my evil ex boyfriend who I’m toxically attached to but finally managed to get over once we met again after a long time and it’s all fine and platonic now

chocolate mousse

yes, and then he went and broke it back ten times worse. Twice.

not as far as I know we were pretty loyal till we broke up

probably

being reminded of my abandonment and neglect issues right now

not romantically

Dark violet

fuck yes (refer to the above)

actually getting to enter a Warriors MAP (I dunno I’m a sad nerd ok)

My dad

yes. And third. And fourth. And fifth. And so on. I apologise even when I’m not the one in the wrong just to get the conflict over with.

forgive

no but it isn’t the worst /hmmm not sure actually maybe?

18 years old and still waiting my dude (almost, birthday in November)

no why the fuck would I do that

The questions in the forties are skipped so this is actually 50 )red velvet cake (no literally it’s not just an ace thing)

52. I’m agnostic, I don’t know. But if everything happens for a reason it’s probably spite because the universe sure does love to screw me over

53. …

54. only if the person you’re with is genuinely a bad person or abusive, but I believe it’s the better option to just break up with them if it doesn’t mean they’ll harm you

55. No, but I can have mean thoughts about peopls

56. Technically no one because no one ever hit back (I swear I’m not a maniac I had issues as tweenager)

57. Yes, but it’s bloody hard to find.

58. Mild. I hate weather in general cause I’m really temperature sensitive

59. yes but not when my boots are frozen to my feet lololol (that actually happened when the Beast from the East came) (it’s a Britain thing)

60. maybe? Doesn’t seem like a NECESSARY aspect but it’d be nice

61. no tbh it’s freaking creepy unless ironic then it’s funny (ace vibes fr fr lol)

62. My hyperfixations. Reading Radioapple fanfic like I need it to survive. Cats. Animals. Books and TV

63. Jokes on you I already have lol

64. I…never kissed anyone… (#allo assumptions lmfao)

65. Ask them more about it before I enter into any kind of relationship. Would try it out, but back out immediately if it wasn’t for me

66. Depends what you consider “the opposite sex” (I’m bio female but non binary/gender fluid)

67. My mate AJ (not on Tumblr)

68. Another friend irl

69 (hehe I’m immature) . Uhhhhh maybe I dunno

70. I’m a coward so no probably, sorry about that

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[the-flower32]

Practicing writing Friendships; pt1

Is this a realistic depiction of a friendship? idk plz tell me

I'm working on a book with a pretty big friend group, bigger than any I've had irl, and have decided to practice by writing short stories (about 1000-5000ish words long) of friend groups to practice. And I will be posting them here for feedback on if I've depicted a realistic friendship or not. (note; its been a while since I've talked to the freinds i have & the freinds i have, like me, are just about all neurodivergent in some way.)

[Bc of special interest reasons, they'll all feature Wizard of Oz (books) Characters. (yes you can consider this a fanfic, but its still writting practice.). And bc of that there's some references to the books- so ask any questions you have about things you may not understand.]

The story is below the 'Keep Reading' (its 1086 words long):

“Do you think the others know how to play ‘Go-Fish’?” Trot asked as Betsy shuffled the deck of cards.

“P’robly but I don't think it’d be a good idea to have ‘em all playing it.” Dorothy said, resting her head on her knees and ran her fingers through the grass. “Remember how heated the argument between Scraps and Scarecrow got during slap jack?”

“Don't remind me, by the way- did that table ever get fixed?”

“Yes, and Tinman banned that game from being played in his castle.”

Betsy gave a short laugh as she started dealing out the cards.

“Just be glad we don't have a copy of Monopoly.” she cringed, “played it once at school- I’ve never seen two kids argue so aggressively.”

“Whats monopoly?” Dorothy asked as she looked at her cards.

“Weird game about money or something- I’ve forgotten most about it, it was boring. Anyone have any threes?”

Trot rolled her eyes and handed over two cards. 

“My turn?” Dorothy asked.

“Yeah sure.”

“Alright, any queens?”

“Go fish.” Trot and Besty said at the same time. 

Dorothy pulled a card, smiled, and put done one pile of four cards. All sevens.

“Already?” Betsy asked.

“Seven’s a lucky number-”

“For girls named Dorothy.” Trot and Betsy finished. 

“Did you ever learn how Shaggy man knew that?” asked Trot as she rearranged the cards in her hand. On the sill of a window looking onto the three girls,Toto the dog an Eureka the kitten sat and talked to Hank the donkey.

“Why would they name a card game after fishing? Thats just misleading.” Eureka curled up and rested her head on her paws.

“Because,” Hank started, “they’re ‘fishing’ for the cards they want.”

“I still don't like it, just makes me hungry.”

“Im pretty sure the head chef’s still around if you want to go find them.” Toto said to her.

“And miss another card-game incident? Not likely.”

“Why? Theres not even any table to break this time.” Hank asked.

“And Scraps isnt even here. What would happen?” Toto added.

“You two weren't there to watch Dorothy play cards with Zeb.” Eureka answered as she licked a paw and cleaned her face. 

“What do you mean?” Toto said, Eureka didn't answer. “Eureka what dose that mean? What did she do?”

Eureka only watched the trio sleepily. 

“- No, Go-Fish.” Trot looked among her cards, “Dose anyone have any Aces?” Trot asked.

“I mean Im here, but I doubt thats what you meant.” Dorothy said, struggling not to laugh at her own joke. 

Besty snorted and Trot rolled her eyes with a smile. 

“I’ll take that as a Go-Fish.” Trot pulled a card and her smile fell. “Oh darn- we forgot to take the joker card out.”

“What do you mean?” Betsy asked. 

“We forgot to remove it before playing? Like everyone dose?” She clarified.

“No?” Dorothy tilted her head, “Em, Henry, ‘an I always play with the Joker card.”

“Really?” 

“Don't you and Cap’n Bill use it?” Betsy asked. 

“No, we just toss it out.”

“I guess that makes sense since there'd be only two of you playing.” Dorothy said, folding her pile and placing it in her lap.

Betsy turned to her with a raised eyebrow and scrunched nose.

“Since when did the number of players affect the joker card?”

Dorothy blinked. “Because it makes the last to say Go-Fish go again?”

“Since when?”

“Since always?”

“No- theres two joker cards, and if you get both of them you make a pair with them. Like how you make… uh- whats the word for a set of four?” 

“Quartet?” Trot suggested.

“No thats just with music… I think.”

“Lets just not use the joker card.” Dorothy suggested as she picked her cards up. 

Betsy and Trot nodded, as Besty was placing the Joker card back into the pack a small group of Bileena’s Pullets walked past. 

“Hello miss Dorothy.” they all said, some in unison, some not. 

“Hello Dorothy Jr’s, and- Daniels… are there Daniels with you.”

“No,” a younger Dorothy Jr stepped out of the flock, “all the Daniels are at home.”

The chicken looked over at Betsy & Trot, and walked closer as the rest of her siblings moved on.  “What are y'all playing?”

“Card game.”

“Can I watch?”

“Sure!” Dorothy patted the ground next to her and the chicken sat down.

Then Dorothy got an idea, she looked over at Trot and Betsy, they were still discussing the joker card, and she leaned over to the young chicken to whisper.

“I wonder why theres different versions.” Trot said thoughtfully.

“Eh, people are weird. Who’s turn is it?” Betsy asked.

“Dorothys- wh- hey!” The young chicken had pecked a card out the fishing deck, and upon Trot yelling the chicken took off. 

Right towards the window.

“Wait- Jr- no!” Dorothy jumped up, followed by Trot and Betsy, as Dorothy Jr leaped up-and-through the window. 

Nocking Toto over as Eureka jumped out of the way and onto Hanks head, the Kitten laughed as the Chicken and Dog rightened themselves.

“I told you!” Eureka said between laughs.

Dorothy ran through the nearby door and over to Toto and Dorothy Jr. 

“You two ok?” she said, stifling her own laughs. 

Toto sat and stared at her, in disbelief and confusion, as Dorothy Jr dropped the card in Dorothy’s lap.

“I was already at the window by the time I remembered you said to go to the bushes.” The young chick said.

“Thats ok.” Dorothy patted Dorothy Jr’s head.

“What dose she mean you told her to go to the bushes?” Toto asked.

“Yeah, what dose that mean?” Betsy joined, sticking her head through the window. Trot on her tiptoes beside her. 

Dorothy shrugged.

“Did something similar with the chickens on my cousins farm, course they don't talk so I had to lure them to the pile with corn. I thought it’d go better this time since Dorothy Jr can talk but- I guess not.” she explained. “I was getting a little bored.”

“Thats what you meant!?” Toto shouted at Eureka, who was still chuckling to herself over the incident. 

“More or less.” Eureka said. 

“You could’a just said you were gett’n bored.” Trot said, putting her chin on the windowsill. 

“More fun this way.” Dorothy smiled.

Betsy rolled her eyes with a smirk. 

“Well lucky for you, we have a new game to play,” she pointed a thumb towards the scene behind her, “Fifty-Two Pickup!”

Dorothy winced but stood up with a smile.

“Yeah that's fair.”

[causenessus]

HI LOVILNESS !! good morning evening or afternoon, i just got home and im like super tired but i miss you so much so i wanted to write back, literally was passed out majority of the drive back BUT we stopped by earls (i think… if i recall….) but it was my first time trying it !! i just had some pasta and it was okay i mean it was food and i was hungry and i literally just passed out again after LOL the night before the drive back i literally just stayed up so i could just sleep the whole drive and it worked!! my neck AND back are super sore so when i came home i took a salt bath and just laid down(i’ve been stuck to my bed ever since coming back home) and i was like i miss ness </3 i have so much to say so this one im gonna be yapping a lot AS PER USUAL LOL

OMG SO the concert was so great like i went with friends right and it was such a good experience like my ears ringing my throat dry TEARS WERE SHEDDED I MUST SAY some of the songs did hit a little too much LOL but it was so so so good like im usually not a concert person because i get overstimulated a lot but this one was so worth it (this is like my third concert though so maybe im a liar) before the concert me and my friends were just walking around the area and shopping(window shopping) and it took us like 20 minutes to actually find where the arena is because we got lost but we followed this other group that had like concert outfits on and we eventually made it! also merch is literally SOOO expensive like my minimum wage job cannot handle it, after the concert i literally just had pizza and stayed up the whole night for the road trip so i was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY TIRED LOL

i hope your day has been better :( like i wish i could sprinkle some special glitter on you like a little tooth fairy and make it all better, I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD TWO JOBS THATS CRAZY and school on top of all that?? i don’t know how you even manage because i’m barely holding on with just one job that i’ve almost quit like MORE times than i can count (the stress of uni and work is not something i was ever prepared for) but pls take care of yourself !! i understand it gets hard some days so make sure you rest properly after work and between literally… everything you’re juggling like it sounds like so much i don’t know how you do it

IM GLAD I MADE U LAUGH !! no but literally after that experience i pack snacks in my bag now because i wanted to DIE like i wanted to explode right then and there, i like to gaslight myself into thinking that NO ONE remembers but the little voice inside my head is always like (they remember)(they see you as the girl whose stomach was barking the whole class) i totally get the carrot thing because there has been like sometimes where i would be eating and I HEAR MYSELF CHEWING SO LOUD like chips and stuff and it would be so awkward because i was like I DONT NEED TO BE MUNCHING THAT LOUD?? and then putting away the chips too and it’s just CRUMBLING like it’s terrible we need an irl mute button </3

AND YES I GET WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO LIKE THATS LITERALLY US?? me and you are so soulmates we are meant to be BUT THATS CRAZY LIKE i was thinking back when reading your response and i was like wait.. YEAH THERE IS A SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO!! like someone make a new smau with this idea (LMFAO IM JOKING) (maybe maybe) AND PLS MY SOUND DAYS LIKE no sometimes it was so hard to hear the cast when they’d go through their lines because of the background noise and also the fact that it was just a shitty school play so our mics were terrible BUT IT WAS FUN! being in tech and band like i was literally a high school loser but that’s okay i will say it PROUDLY!! ALSO I KIND OF HAVE A SIMILAR STORY? but it wasn’t me like it was this girl in my year who became like the tech manager?? i’m not really sure how it worked but there was this other kid who was a year above us who was like talking about how he deserved it because seniority and whatever and it caused a HUGE tech drama because the poor girl didn’t ask to be manager like she was assigned and this guy was literally like talking down on her AND I FELT SO BAD?? like tell me why tech crews have so much drama and toxicity it’s literally a common thing LOL

also i will protect you from the weird men do not worry i will stand STRONG AND TALL ON A PODIUM FOR YOU !! BUT PLS THE SKATER BOY ™️ NESS LORE DROP AGAIN? i love the random lore drops this is like minecraft maps where i just walk around and fill in the map but instead its ness lore and a timeline LOL unfortunately i was victim to not one but two of the typical valorant discord people </3 I WILL BLAME IT ON ME BEING YOUNG but now i’m literally just trying to live another day and not fall to the hands of the education system, i will not let them take me down!!

next time i go to a grocery store im gonna try the poke bowls because you talk about it a lot and now i want to try and share my experience LOL im actually like i don’t eat poke bowls that much?? IDK WHY it’s not like i avoid them but i’ve never been like, damn. i want a poke bowl. YK WHAT I MEAN? like i haven’t actually had the whole poke bowl experience but next time i will! your day sounded so hectic i hope you were able to settle down when you got home!!

life is gonna get busier now that school is back up so make sure you remember to eat and take care of yourself !! i hope your days get better because you deserve it !! if any customer or anyone is being mean you can send them my way and i’ll respectfully deck them !!! <3 (said with love for you) (always for you) (never for anyone else) (so maybe not respectfully) I’m so SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO SCROLL PASS THIS </3 but but i do sincerely hope your days get better! (i’ve said this maybe three times now) and make sure you eat and take proper care of yourself!! have a good night ness! or morning or afternoon !! xoxoxo

AAAAAAAAA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY LOVE!! I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK HOME SAFELY <3 I HOPE YOU RESTED AND ARE DOING GOOD!! sorry it took me a little bit to reply </3 i've never heard of earls but i'm sorry the pasta wasn't life changing 😭😭😭 i'm glad you're home though and were able to sleep most of the time!! and aa a salt bath -> bed sounds like the most relaxing combo ever i hope you had a good sleep and your neck is better now <3

I'M GLAD THE CONCERT WAS GOOD!!! I WANTED TO ASK WHAT CONCERT IT WAS but only if you're comfortable sharing!! and i also totally get not liking them a lot 😭 tbh i've only ever been to one concert (it was for declan mckenna <3) and it was SO good it was super niche but also like,,, i was fighting my life with all these cool scary girls with septums and bleached hair in pigtails with their twink bfs smelling like weed,,, and also i got super distracted by their bassist and he was kind of eating it up bc i was recording him the whole time.....and it was super loud and lowkey overstimulating being near so many other people who are all screaming 😭 BUT THEY'RE KIND OF FUN AT THE SAME TIME!! ESP IF THE VIBES ARE GOOD SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME <3 and omg fr merch is so expensive 😭 like i think mitski is coming to my state this month??? and i was lowkey interested?? but tickets ALONE were like $100+ and i was like....oh....so actually i can't afford that... 🤠🤠 I'M SURE YOU WERE TIRED AFTER THO!!! AND CONCERTS ARE ALWAYS IN LIKE THE MOST FAR AWAY PLACES EVER TRYING TO DRIVE HOME AFTER THEM IS THE WORST THING EVER

AND NO 😭 UNI + SCHOOL IS SO STRESSFUL basically (this is super just over the top details u don't have to read this part if u don't want to) but this second job as a hostess i have is an on and off job i've had for years. i think i started it my sophomore year in school??? when i was like 15 so it lowkey was not legal... but ANYWAY i kept that up for like maybe a year but that job was SO stressful i felt so bad like i was at fault everytime the servers got a bad table that i had to quit (and also i hated how mundane it felt working EVERY friday and saturday bc they were like the only full days i got to really rest bc of school but work took up that time) but sometimes they ask if i can come in and i will since it's not too bad ever so often??? but then i got looped in to working like every saturday there lately 😭 bc their actual hostess like went on vacation in july and then injured her knee so i'm basically covering for her all of august AND THEN SHE FELL AND INJURED IT AGAIN before her surgery so now i'm also working there all of september......which is also when i start the horrors of stage managing so it'll be uni + theatre + work!!!!! (i will kms) (mango anon talking to u will be my only saving grace i swear) (since this job takes up my saturday nights and mon-fri + saturday mornings takes up school + uni but i also have to work at my retail job especially starting in october bc that's when we get really busy i will be working every sunday so basically i'll just be a skeleton!!!)

THE GIRL WHOSE STOMACH WAS BARKING THE WHOLE CLASS PLEASE I LAUGHED SO HARD LMAOAOAO but ur so right!! with all this technology we should NOT be having such loud crinkly bags and we need a mute button!!

SOUND LIGHT TECH DUO!! I DON'T JUST THINK MANGO ANON I KNOW WE'RE SOULMATES!! please and ik that working sound with u would have made my high school career 100000x better like,,, mango anon pls fly here and run sound for this show i'm stage managing so i don't have to deal with stupid kids... 😭😭 AND AAA A LIGHT + SOUND DUO SMAU???? MANGO ANON YOU ARE GIVING ME IDEAS!!! i literally paused to write things down omg... it's another suna smau xxx i will never be over him AND I DON'T WANT TO BE OVER HIM!!! AND YOU BEST BELIEVE I WILL BE MENTIONING YOU AS A NOTE IN THE MLIST AND BE LIKE "THIS IDEA CAME FROM MY AMAZING MANGO ANON!!!" but PLEASE that's always the struggle like u can never hear the cast during plays bc none of them can project to save their lives and then during musicals their mics all die at the worst points ever so like wtf why do we even try anyway 😭😭😭 watching the sound people go through the five stages of grief and like every single layer of hell whenever mics die is the worst i always feel so so bad 😭😭 i once helped them completely rewire their ethernet connection bc we had no idea why like the sound board was NOT speaking to the rest of the system omg i don't want to think about those times anymore 💀 /lh AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE TECH MANAGER GIRL TOO LIKE BRO IF SHE GOT THROWN IN AND EVERYTHING LIKE THIS GUY HAS NO RIGHT TO BE TALKING HER DOWN IK SHE WAS UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE TOO THAT'S HORRIBLE </33 I'LL BE SENDING AN ETSY WITCH HIS WAY NOW!! but ig ur right tech crew (and actor) toxicity is inevitable </3

LMAOAOAOAOO THE MINECRAFT MAPS IT'S OKAY ANON i was victim to a discord man as well </33 hold on we'll lore drop him here instead and do skater boy next time and like I'M THROWING NAMES IN HERE IDGAF IF HE'S READING SILLY HAIKYUU X FEM READERS THAN I THINK HE HAS BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN ME NAME DROPPING HIM /J not really name dropping but i called him omelette king LMAO but anyway i met OK (omelette king for short LMAOAO) on roblox during peak quarantine and we had like a 4 person group but him and me got really close and he'd do things like call me cutie and i was just 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 STOP SORRY i'm having ptsd flashbacks we had a lot of discussions that were very strange. and then he'd make me play knockoff undertale pvp roblox games with him but i was so bad at them and he called me boring for not wanting to play them with him and yeah!! long story short one day i messaged him a paragraph about how toxic he was and then blocked him like a boss!!! if u have any lore drops I WOULD LOVE TO ALSO HEAR THEM!!!

but YES!! if u try a poke bowl lmk what you think of it!! i'm sure i could find better ones at like an actual poke place but like groccery stores are most convenient for me 😭 and i like their cheap rice idk it's just the imitation crab and whatever makes it spicy that throws me off i think just bc i'm not used to eating anything like it </33

AND PLEASE DO NOT BE SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS WAS!!! I LOVED LIKE WRITING MYSELF NOTES ON HOW I WANTED TO REPLY AAA THIS WAS SO SO FUN I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN AND I LOVE YOU SM MANGO ANON!! <333 INSTEAD OF SENDING BAD CUSTOMERS UR WAY U SHOULD JUST COME TO ME!!! and make sure to take care of yourself as well please!! AND TODAY WAS A BIT BETTER!! hopefully this week goes better and i think it will as i get more into the groove of my new schedule </3 (which is unfortunate but it's my reality so ALAS) and thank you so much lovely!! DW um honestly like i got home from work today and was like "man i just want a bagel for dinner" and then i was like "wait what have i even eaten today?" and i realized i completely skipped lunch on accident 😭😭 bc i ate breakfast at like 10 and then went to work at 2 so i had no time!! but then my first thought was immediately "OH NO MANGO ANON'S GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME </3" so i made sure to like actually eat an actual meal (eggs and toast again bc i'm in my depression meal era rn and am trying to get out of it rn but it's very hard. also i lost my appetite halfway thru but i ate it anyway LMAOAO)!! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY AND THAT YOUR NECK IS FEELING BETTER! I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR FROM U AGAIN <33

[nerfedbytheuniverse]

Posting here because some school friends or mutual friends thereof follow my main blog.

I desperately want to remember who I was before I was this scared of everything and everyone.

I don’t know how long ago that would even be. When did I get so closed-off and withdrawn? Was it my amino buddies, the first time around? Maybe the second?

We’re not even going to talk about HER (my abuser) because I know *she* fucked me up, but I can’t pretend that was the whole reason. I recall being able to make friends between 2013 and 2018, even if I was weird and anxious. I was still a people-pleaser and socially anxious to a degree, but there are currently people in my life that I trust enough to walk around school with alone or leave my backpack and other belongings with. It scares me a little, but I can do it.

So what’s the problem? Why am I still struggling so hard?

I’m going to come right out and say that I lowkey have a school bestie, because even though all of those school friends are besties, this particular one is just Special. As I say when I want the lowest commitment answer ever, “the vibes are good”.

In reality, I know it has a little to do with the fact that, however informal and small, he did technically have an authority position in the setting we met in. And I know that he’s kind, compassionate, helpful, and wise.

But he’s still a twenty-something year old guy who tells video game npcs to “kys” and makes sex jokes sometimes in ways that guys just kinda do. Not to gender that experience but it’s just. Idk familiar maybe??

To get to the point, I trusted him enough to tell my mom in January, after having emailed him in april and met him irl in september (so not knowing him for long by my standards] “so on Friday between [penultimate thing] and [last thing I had on campus] I’ll be hanging out with [friend]” and that was it. That was all the protection I thought I needed. And you know what happened? We walked around and talked about random shit for 2 hours!

Nothing bad happened. And that’s a big sign of trust for me, to just walk around with someone I don’t know that well. So I trust him enough for that. I trust him in general. But I do not trust him to tell me if I’m being a problem, and I don’t trust him enough to believe him when he says something I do is fine.

I don’t trust it. Not because of him, but because so many people have claimed the same and didn’t follow through until they were ready to be hurtful or explosive. On a rational level, I believe him, but there’s still so much anxiety and worry

He’s not the only one, but we’ve had several small online hangouts this week, so he’s the one freshest in my mind. I’m still doubting the strength, quality, and even the nature of our friendship, because “what’s the catch, there has to be one”.

Or take another school friend. She’s the president of a school org and I’m the vice president under her. I see her once a week usually and sometimes I text her. I want to talk to her more but I don’t know what to talk about. So I ramble for the entire hangout and she chimes in and the conversation goes where it goes and I love it but it leaves me with more questions than answers.

I remember when I used to actually ask the questions instead of just thinking them.

I have yet another who is an out of state student, and much like the School Bestie in scenario A, that means we don’t see each other irl right now. I’ve gotten slow to respond lately because I noticed I reply with the same few phrases all the time. Because I’m still masking and hiding who I am, wrapping myself in this concept of social acceptability which is not even good, it literally never worked for me. So I dilute my opinions and ideas more often than not.

There are even more stories, but I’m paranoid of any of them finding this because they’d so figure out its me.

Point being that I had all these ideas of how I’m supposed to interact to be safe and not get hurt. Mainly because with one supposed “friend”, it wasn’t just emotional hurt. And I dialed back the parts I thought were weird. Hid the parts that were overly honest or blunt, the parts that were mushy and sappy, the part that joked and laughed and smiled all the time. And now I can’t get it back. It lives in my head 24/7 but then my anxiety kicks in and filters it in the silliest of ways.

so I can’t just say things like “thanks for talking with me, I really appreciate your company and I think you’re really cool”, at least not all at once. It comes in short bursts of courage.

There’s so much anxiety because it’s like

What if it’s weird

What if I’m too much

What if they take it the wrong way and think I’m flirting with/crushing on them

What if they assume I’m sucking up

What if they’re not trustworthy and I just basically showed that I’m already attached, and therefore exploitable

What if I make things awkward

What if they think I’m compliment fishing

When does this become oversharing

And probably other things I’m forgetting. The point is that I wonder a lot lately about who I was before I was scared. I want to get back to being that loving, mushy, overly happy person who just loved everyone so much.

I mean, when I was like 9 I had a friend and I made up a little song about how cool she was and she was fine with it but her mom wasn’t for some reason.

But I need that energy back because here’s the thing: I’ve already learned that these friends like honest answers, or at least to be asked, “honest answer or pretty answer?”

And that has helped me to sugarcoat and tiptoe a little less.

But I just can’t get the hang of throwing out the filter. So instead of pointing out a friend’s strengths or good qualities or something like that in a situation where it’s relevant, I just go “hehe, nice” or something like that.

I’m always editing or silencing myself and I know it’s the fear that things won’t work out and I’ll get hurt again.

My intuition tells me it’s fine and I have time with these ones before anything goes seriously wrong, but even with that, even trusting the signs I see, I can’t seem to fix it. I can’t seem to be myself.

Sometimes, I think I don’t know who myself is.