#I’ve joked about this with irl friends before but I have no idea when a hyperfix graduates to a special interest

[andro-dino]

Genuine curiosity: what got you here? What decisions in your life lead you ended up having brainworms for this funky spinning top commercial series? /aff /lh

it all started when I was but a wee lad in the second grade and saw Beyblade Metal Fusion on Netflix. The first time I watched it, I actually watched the third episode first because it had wolf in the title and I was a wolf girl growing up. After that I became enamored with the show. Created the first version of Essi on ms paint with a mouse (may god rest her soul (she died with the rest of my old art on my family computer one day 😔)), rewatched it a couple times, at least one of which I imagined essi in like every scene in the show, and was effectively obsessed with it. I didn’t have the abilities to draw ship art at the time but I did become very kyomado pilled during this as well. I actually didn’t know there was more after Fusion because Netflix didn’t have any of it (or I just never bothered to look for it idk).

After that, a couple years went by, and I think around 5th grade I decided to revisit it, had a blast, redrew Essi, and I was happy to leave it at that but then I was talking about it with a guy on my bus and he was like “oh yeah I really liked it have you watched fury?” and I was like “THERES MORE??????” and so I went out in search of More. I watched like half of masters on YouTube, but I didn’t retain like any of it. genuinely the only reason I know I got as far in as I did is because the only parts of it I remember at all were yu being more prominent and hikaru’s ptsd breakdown, but besides that, literally NOTHING stuck with me. I also discovered the existence of shogun steel during this time period from seeing adult gingka on google but knew nothing more about it.

That was the last of beyblade endeavors until summer of 2021. after splatoon 3 had been announced that year it had me very nostalgic for things I was into when I was younger, which started with me ranting about splatoon 1 stages I missed on twitter, which then led to me thinking about sonic underground and trying to find where to watch it bc it wasn’t on Netflix anymore. in doing this, I downloaded Tubi and saw fusion on there and I was like “omg I forgot I was obsessed with that!” I then similarly ranted my fond memories about it on Twitter and i ended up dropping my sonic underground rewatch and watching that instead. That is when the snowball began to form. I looked up the watch order and was telling my friend about it and how I was trying to find something that had all the seasons (bc at the time Tubi had fusion and fury but not masters) and then he sent me a pirating website I could use and I was like HOLY SHIT. And then from there, I watched the whole series, got obsessed with it, starting drawing fanart on my own time and looking up fandom stuff online, and then upon realizing most of the active fandom was on tumblr, dusted off my tumblr account and made my first post, and from there it’s only gotten worse.

[httpsdana]

Hello I have a request!

I hope it’s not too confusing and not too plain

Sorry my first time requesting

I like your fics a lot

So…

It is where reader is friends with Cubarsi and one of her friends likes him. reader likes Pau but doesn’t tell anyone that she likes him. the other friend that likes Pau tells people and thinks Pau likes her and is going to ask her out.

reader gets rlly upset and is already tackling with depression and knowing abt this makes her rlly sad. also if you can add how the girl asks you ask Cubarsi if he likes her. this makes reader so upset. but then Pau sees her upset so he tries to comfort her and confesses he likes reader.

(btw Cubarsi and reader like msg everyday and stuff)

also if you can’t do this or it’s a bit confusing im so sorry. im having this issue irl and wna cry

I am reading over this and it is very confusing very soory

In the Quiet Spaces Between Us~Pau Cubarsi

・❥・prompt list

・❥・masterlist -> part 2

・❥・who I write for

・❥・a/n: I really hope this is what you asked for 🙏🏻

She wasn't sure when her friendship with Pau had shifted into something more—when the late-night texts and easy conversations began carrying a weight that made her heart ache.

Maybe it was the way he smiled at her, soft and unguarded, or the way his texts always seemed to brighten her darkest days. Whatever it was, y/n had fallen for him, and the realization had been as terrifying as it was exhilarating.

But she never told anyone. Not Pau, and certainly not her friend María, who recently announced her crush on him with unbridled enthusiasm.

“I think Pau likes me,” María said one evening as you both sat in a café. Her tone was light, but the certainty in her voice cut through y/n like a blade.

She forced a weak smile. “Why do you think that?”

María shrugged, swirling her straw in her iced coffee. “He’s always looking at me during group hangouts. And the other day, he laughed at one of my jokes even though it wasn’t that funny. That has to mean something, right?”

y/n laughed nervously, clutching her own drink like it was a lifeline. “Maybe he just thought it was funny.”

María grinned, oblivious to the storm brewing inside y/n. “No way. I’ve got a feeling about this. I think he’s going to ask me out soon.”

The words made her stomach twist painfully, but she swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. “Maybe.” she murmured

That night, Pau texted y/n, just like he always did.

Pau: “How was your day?”

y/n: “It was okay. You?”

Pau: “Long, but better now that I’m talking to you.”

Her fingers hovered over the keyboard, her chest tightening at his words.

Did he mean it the way she wanted him to? Or was this just his way of being a good friend?

y/n: “That’s sweet of you to say.”

Pau: “It’s true. I’d go crazy without our chats.”

She stared at the screen, her heart aching.

If only he knew how much she wished those words carried more meaning.

A few days later, María cornered y/n after a group hangout, her face glowing with excitement. “Hey,” she said, her voice practically buzzing. “I need a favor.”

“What’s up?” she asked, already wary of the look in her eyes.

“Can you ask Pau if he likes me?”

Her words hit her like a punch to the gut. “What?”

María laughed, as though it were the most natural request in the world. “You’re closer to him than I am. He won’t suspect anything if you ask casually.”

y/n felt her mouth go dry. “I don’t think that’s a good idea,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

“Oh, come on,” María pressed, her grin faltering. “Please? I really think he likes me, but I just want to be sure before I make a move.”

y/n felt like the ground was crumbling beneath her. How could she not see how much this was hurting her?

Her words were the final straw. y/n mumbled an excuse and left the conversation, retreating to the bathroom where she locked the door behind her. Tears burned her eyes as she leaned against the sink, her chest heaving with silent sobs. It felt like everything was crumbling. Her feelings for Pau and her friendship with María were all colliding, leaving her gasping for air.

When she finally emerged, her eyes red and puffy, she avoided everyone and went straight home. She didn’t even check her phone, ignoring the notifications piling up from Pau.

The next morning, a knock at her door startled y/n. Groggily, she pulled herseld out of bed and shuffled to the door, opening it to find Pau standing there.

“Hey,” he said, his voice soft but laced with concern. “Are you okay? You didn’t reply to my texts last night.”

She blinked at him, her heart aching at the sight of his worried expression. “I’m fine,” she lied.

“No, you’re not,” Pau said, stepping inside without waiting for an invitation. “What’s going on? Did I do something?”

y/n shook her head, avoiding his gaze. “you did nothing wrong. I’m just tired.”

He didn’t speak for a moment, and the silence stretched uncomfortably. Then he said, “Is this about María?”

Her head snapped up, her heart pounding. “What do you mean?”

“She’s been dropping hints lately,” Pau said, his voice careful. “About… us.”

y/n swallowed hard, her throat dry as she expected him to tell her he likes María. “And?”

“And I don’t feel that way about her,” he said simply, his gaze steady on hers.

Relief flooded through her, but it was quickly followed by a wave of guilt. “She really likes you,” she said quietly.

“I know,” Pau said, his voice softening. “But I can’t pretend to feel something I don’t.”

Her hands trembled in her lap, and she clenched them into fists to stop the shaking. “do you like someone else?”

Pau hesitated, his eyes searching hers. “Do you really want to know?”

She nodded, her heart pounding so hard it felt like it might burst.

He reached out, his hand brushing against hers. “I like you,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.

The words didn’t register at first. She stared at him, stunned. “What?”

“I like you,” he repeated, his tone firmer this time. “I have for a while now. I just didn’t know how to tell you.”

Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head. “But why? I’m… I’m a mess, Pau. I’m not like María. I’m not—”

“Stop,” he said, cutting her off. He reached for her hand, holding it tightly. “You don’t have to be anyone else. You’re enough, just the way you are. And I don’t care what you think about yourself—I see someone strong, kind, and beautiful.”

His words broke through the walls she'd built around her heart, and a sob escaped her lips. “I thought I was going to lose you,” she whispered.

“You’re not losing me,” Pau said, his voice steady. “Not now, not ever.”

He pulled her into his arms, holding her as she cried. His embrace was warm and safe, and for the first time in what felt like forever, the darkness in her mind began to lift.

[nemmet]

ok ok ok i know you def headcanon fred autistic too (besides mystery inc which is canon lol) so you were the first person i could think to say this to after reading your posts sooo

i bet !!!! he was autistic coded the whole time and the creators themselves just did not know what they were doing!!!

before autism had a name and well known rep and stuff, before people really knew what it was, higher functioning autistics were just “quirky” or whatever. and say, if you were making a tv show or book, you wanted to take inspiration from real life. and you gave one of your characters traits you’d seen in those quirky individuals. you didn’t know what it was nor did anyone else, it was just a personality trait you gave them based off of what you’d observed !

neither the creator nor viewers would know that person was autistic. it was just mimicking traits you’d seen irl. and that’s why i strongly believe fred is autistic coded whether they planned it or not, even — almost especially — in a time where autism wasn’t well known !!!! that’s an argument given a lot from what i’ve seen, that an old cartoon wouldn’t purposely have an autistic character. but they would and they have. they just don’t know that’s what it’s called. it’s just a part of life, which people forget. buddy’s just undiagnosed lol /hj

autism is everywhere mwahaha >:)

anyways sorry for rant and quite possibly stating the obvious 😭😭

the way my face lit up when i saw this in my inbox!!! always so happy to talk about autistic fred :)

autistic coding absolutely happens in cases where the writer doesn't intend it, and early versions of fred very well could be one!! a lot of his "quirky" moments in the older shows come from the odd scene where he does something so bizarre and spontaneous that it flips his well-put-together exterior on its head, like running down the joker & penguin in a rolling tire. this source of comedy from his character very much continues into his later incarnations, just in a way that seems more thoughtful/purposeful. like, at first glance he seems to be a very average, simple, good-looking boy!! but then he opens his mouth and he's a lame grandpa who will tell you about the history of nets regardless of whether or not you're listening, and impulsively start cheerleading routines to raise his friends' spirits.

and all of that just feels like such an autism thing, or at least one i can relate my own personality and experiences to. i love the idea that the writers of pre-mystery inc versions of fred may have taken character inspiration from similarly undiagnosed or unrecognised neurodivergent people in a time when those traits were merely considered "quirkiness". the idea that he's undiagnosed up until mystery inc is so canon to me now.

and to top it all off, yeah fred can be the butt of the joke sometimes, but he's still always a character we feel endeared to and want to root for! his strengths are unconventional and concentrated in specific areas, but he's highly competent and caring while also feeling human in his moments of awkwardness and insecurity!! and that's why i think he's such a great autistic character in both coding and canon, and why it makes me happy to see people celebrate this about him.

your ask was such a lovely thing to read and respond to, thank you! and thank you if you're still here and have read nem's ramble number 1000000 about autistic fred. goodnight coolsville ohio

[jaegerisim]

Hey El! I was just wondering, are you out to people in ur life irl (like ur parents, friends, ect)? If so, what was your process of coming out to them, and how did you deal with people who were a little homophobic or even a lot? If not, do you ever think you will, and why? I’ve been in the closet irl for almost a year and a half now because of homophobic parents, so I’d really like to hear ur story 🙂

Hi nonny! Well, I’ve officially come out to my mom, my brothers, my bff, my fiancé and a couple of other close friends. They know I’m bi, but they don’t know I’m a demigirl, and honestly, they never will. I don’t feel comfortable telling them that, tbh. I don’t rlly fancy the idea of me telling them that, especially when the concept of “gender” is something pretty difficult for many Asians to grasp (at least in my experience, don’t come at me, ok? 😭😭😭😭😭)

ok so I came out to my mom one day when I was still a teen. We were talking about one of my closest friends, at the time, my mom told me the girl had very pretty eyes and I went on this ramble about all the beautiful things things the girl had. My mom was just kinda staring at me like “😯”. So I just straight up went and said “Mom, I like girls as well as boys. I’m bisexual” and my mom (who I knew wouldn’t be homophobic abt it) said “cool, now go clean the dishes! 🥰 or ur lazy ass gonna get whooped” (typical Asian mom, smh). I never told my dad cuz his family is much more conservative and my halmeoni from his side think “gay” is synonymous to “mental illness”. I think my dad kinda guessed it, he’s never said anything about it, tho. My older brother came out as pan a few years before me, when he introduced his bf. Then a few years after me, my twin came out as aroace. They preferred to come out to my dad and I preferred my mom. That’s just how shit is. U tell who u wanna tell, and if ur parents are homophobic then they can go fuck themselves tbh. u can tell whoever u want to ok, nonny? And despite what the str8 media tells u about ur parents needing to be the first to know, it doesn’t have to be like that if u don’t want to. Your friends can be the first to know and ur parents could be the last. Your parents don’t even have to know if u don’t want to.

I came out to my friends and while all of them weren’t homophobic to my face or in that moment, many of them showed their true colors with time.

When you come out, you never really know how they’re gonna react. So you gotta learn to not gaf abt their say on this bc they don’t get one. Plus, at the end of the day, this is about u not them, don’t let them twist you’re coming out into something about them. You don’t have to even tell them and if u do tell them, u r doing it for u, not them. You don’t own anyone anything.

If you wanna know, I‘ve never really learned how to deal w the homophobia and I don’t think I ever will. Homophobia, is not something u assume and it doesn’t always present itself in the same way. Sometimes it’s a comment abt how bi ppl are sluts, other times it’s “joking” comment about being able to have as many threesomes as I want, another time it can be someone straight up calling u a slur. You never know, when or how or from whom the homophobia may come and personally I can’t live with having my guard constantly up. So sometimes I fight back, other times I feel like just ignoring them and maybe a couple of times I break down and cry about it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ sometimes the most “innocent” comment can be my breaking point while some days and don’t even mind them. Honestly? I find pretty scary the fact that sometimes I realize that I have assumed receiving homophobia and slurs to a very deep level.

Anyway, nonny, I hope this ramble answered ur question! 💕🌈

[cal-fixations]

you may think it takes me reading the posts on this blog to realize i’m desperate but jokes on you; i already know that!

i have been a serial and passionate crush-haver since preschool and at this point i have no shame. all of my friends are aware and i joke about my new man obsession every week.

i wish i weren’t like this since sometimes i’m satisfied enough with the idea of a person enough that i don’t pursue them. talking irl here of course. i’m also not one to take risks so i need to be very sure there is a chance they like me back before i do anything. this can still backfire though somehow.

my last crush was this guy i would see on a weekly basis. i was borderline in love with him. he was always super sweet when i would see him. i’m pretty self conscious so i would always assume there was nothing behind this but it gets to a point and even my friend started noticing. he would ask about me when i wasn’t there, like he brought me up out of nowhere and about a topic that had nothing to do with anything. when i was there his body would face me and he would notice even the little things i was doing. he would laugh loudly at my jokes and compliment me out of the blue. i was so convinced there was something and i’m still not sure if there was or wasn’t but the reality was he had a girlfriend the whole time. a girlfriend he never talked about and never brought along anywhere, no one asked about her. i wasn’t just hurt that i had no shot anymore i was also hurt that maybe he would’ve also been a shitty boyfriend. i mean i knew him for almost 2 years and he never mentioned her? like i’ve never seen her at all.

i wish i was over him but i always secretly hope he breaks up with her and tells me the answer was always me or some bullshit. i don’t even go to the place i saw him anymore. not because of this but because i’m always busy taking care of my dog… which i got because i was upset over him but whatever. thinking about starting to go again because i’ve missed it. and maybe i’ll talk to his cute coworker that has a cute dog and likes camping, idk

[causenessus]

HI LOVILNESS !! good morning evening or afternoon, i just got home and im like super tired but i miss you so much so i wanted to write back, literally was passed out majority of the drive back BUT we stopped by earls (i think… if i recall….) but it was my first time trying it !! i just had some pasta and it was okay i mean it was food and i was hungry and i literally just passed out again after LOL the night before the drive back i literally just stayed up so i could just sleep the whole drive and it worked!! my neck AND back are super sore so when i came home i took a salt bath and just laid down(i’ve been stuck to my bed ever since coming back home) and i was like i miss ness </3 i have so much to say so this one im gonna be yapping a lot AS PER USUAL LOL

OMG SO the concert was so great like i went with friends right and it was such a good experience like my ears ringing my throat dry TEARS WERE SHEDDED I MUST SAY some of the songs did hit a little too much LOL but it was so so so good like im usually not a concert person because i get overstimulated a lot but this one was so worth it (this is like my third concert though so maybe im a liar) before the concert me and my friends were just walking around the area and shopping(window shopping) and it took us like 20 minutes to actually find where the arena is because we got lost but we followed this other group that had like concert outfits on and we eventually made it! also merch is literally SOOO expensive like my minimum wage job cannot handle it, after the concert i literally just had pizza and stayed up the whole night for the road trip so i was EXTREMELY EXTREMELY TIRED LOL

i hope your day has been better :( like i wish i could sprinkle some special glitter on you like a little tooth fairy and make it all better, I DIDNT KNOW YOU HAD TWO JOBS THATS CRAZY and school on top of all that?? i don’t know how you even manage because i’m barely holding on with just one job that i’ve almost quit like MORE times than i can count (the stress of uni and work is not something i was ever prepared for) but pls take care of yourself !! i understand it gets hard some days so make sure you rest properly after work and between literally… everything you’re juggling like it sounds like so much i don’t know how you do it

IM GLAD I MADE U LAUGH !! no but literally after that experience i pack snacks in my bag now because i wanted to DIE like i wanted to explode right then and there, i like to gaslight myself into thinking that NO ONE remembers but the little voice inside my head is always like (they remember)(they see you as the girl whose stomach was barking the whole class) i totally get the carrot thing because there has been like sometimes where i would be eating and I HEAR MYSELF CHEWING SO LOUD like chips and stuff and it would be so awkward because i was like I DONT NEED TO BE MUNCHING THAT LOUD?? and then putting away the chips too and it’s just CRUMBLING like it’s terrible we need an irl mute button </3

AND YES I GET WHAT YOU MEAN BY THE SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO LIKE THATS LITERALLY US?? me and you are so soulmates we are meant to be BUT THATS CRAZY LIKE i was thinking back when reading your response and i was like wait.. YEAH THERE IS A SOUND AND LIGHT TECH DUO!! like someone make a new smau with this idea (LMFAO IM JOKING) (maybe maybe) AND PLS MY SOUND DAYS LIKE no sometimes it was so hard to hear the cast when they’d go through their lines because of the background noise and also the fact that it was just a shitty school play so our mics were terrible BUT IT WAS FUN! being in tech and band like i was literally a high school loser but that’s okay i will say it PROUDLY!! ALSO I KIND OF HAVE A SIMILAR STORY? but it wasn’t me like it was this girl in my year who became like the tech manager?? i’m not really sure how it worked but there was this other kid who was a year above us who was like talking about how he deserved it because seniority and whatever and it caused a HUGE tech drama because the poor girl didn’t ask to be manager like she was assigned and this guy was literally like talking down on her AND I FELT SO BAD?? like tell me why tech crews have so much drama and toxicity it’s literally a common thing LOL

also i will protect you from the weird men do not worry i will stand STRONG AND TALL ON A PODIUM FOR YOU !! BUT PLS THE SKATER BOY ™️ NESS LORE DROP AGAIN? i love the random lore drops this is like minecraft maps where i just walk around and fill in the map but instead its ness lore and a timeline LOL unfortunately i was victim to not one but two of the typical valorant discord people </3 I WILL BLAME IT ON ME BEING YOUNG but now i’m literally just trying to live another day and not fall to the hands of the education system, i will not let them take me down!!

next time i go to a grocery store im gonna try the poke bowls because you talk about it a lot and now i want to try and share my experience LOL im actually like i don’t eat poke bowls that much?? IDK WHY it’s not like i avoid them but i’ve never been like, damn. i want a poke bowl. YK WHAT I MEAN? like i haven’t actually had the whole poke bowl experience but next time i will! your day sounded so hectic i hope you were able to settle down when you got home!!

life is gonna get busier now that school is back up so make sure you remember to eat and take care of yourself !! i hope your days get better because you deserve it !! if any customer or anyone is being mean you can send them my way and i’ll respectfully deck them !!! <3 (said with love for you) (always for you) (never for anyone else) (so maybe not respectfully) I’m so SO SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG OH MY GOD IM SO SORRY FOR PEOPLE WHO HAVE TO SCROLL PASS THIS </3 but but i do sincerely hope your days get better! (i’ve said this maybe three times now) and make sure you eat and take proper care of yourself!! have a good night ness! or morning or afternoon !! xoxoxo

AAAAAAAAA I MISSED YOU SO MUCH MY LOVE!! I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK HOME SAFELY <3 I HOPE YOU RESTED AND ARE DOING GOOD!! sorry it took me a little bit to reply </3 i've never heard of earls but i'm sorry the pasta wasn't life changing 😭😭😭 i'm glad you're home though and were able to sleep most of the time!! and aa a salt bath -> bed sounds like the most relaxing combo ever i hope you had a good sleep and your neck is better now <3

I'M GLAD THE CONCERT WAS GOOD!!! I WANTED TO ASK WHAT CONCERT IT WAS but only if you're comfortable sharing!! and i also totally get not liking them a lot 😭 tbh i've only ever been to one concert (it was for declan mckenna <3) and it was SO good it was super niche but also like,,, i was fighting my life with all these cool scary girls with septums and bleached hair in pigtails with their twink bfs smelling like weed,,, and also i got super distracted by their bassist and he was kind of eating it up bc i was recording him the whole time.....and it was super loud and lowkey overstimulating being near so many other people who are all screaming 😭 BUT THEY'RE KIND OF FUN AT THE SAME TIME!! ESP IF THE VIBES ARE GOOD SO IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU HAD A GOOD TIME <3 and omg fr merch is so expensive 😭 like i think mitski is coming to my state this month??? and i was lowkey interested?? but tickets ALONE were like $100+ and i was like....oh....so actually i can't afford that... 🤠🤠 I'M SURE YOU WERE TIRED AFTER THO!!! AND CONCERTS ARE ALWAYS IN LIKE THE MOST FAR AWAY PLACES EVER TRYING TO DRIVE HOME AFTER THEM IS THE WORST THING EVER

AND NO 😭 UNI + SCHOOL IS SO STRESSFUL basically (this is super just over the top details u don't have to read this part if u don't want to) but this second job as a hostess i have is an on and off job i've had for years. i think i started it my sophomore year in school??? when i was like 15 so it lowkey was not legal... but ANYWAY i kept that up for like maybe a year but that job was SO stressful i felt so bad like i was at fault everytime the servers got a bad table that i had to quit (and also i hated how mundane it felt working EVERY friday and saturday bc they were like the only full days i got to really rest bc of school but work took up that time) but sometimes they ask if i can come in and i will since it's not too bad ever so often??? but then i got looped in to working like every saturday there lately 😭 bc their actual hostess like went on vacation in july and then injured her knee so i'm basically covering for her all of august AND THEN SHE FELL AND INJURED IT AGAIN before her surgery so now i'm also working there all of september......which is also when i start the horrors of stage managing so it'll be uni + theatre + work!!!!! (i will kms) (mango anon talking to u will be my only saving grace i swear) (since this job takes up my saturday nights and mon-fri + saturday mornings takes up school + uni but i also have to work at my retail job especially starting in october bc that's when we get really busy i will be working every sunday so basically i'll just be a skeleton!!!)

THE GIRL WHOSE STOMACH WAS BARKING THE WHOLE CLASS PLEASE I LAUGHED SO HARD LMAOAOAO but ur so right!! with all this technology we should NOT be having such loud crinkly bags and we need a mute button!!

SOUND LIGHT TECH DUO!! I DON'T JUST THINK MANGO ANON I KNOW WE'RE SOULMATES!! please and ik that working sound with u would have made my high school career 100000x better like,,, mango anon pls fly here and run sound for this show i'm stage managing so i don't have to deal with stupid kids... 😭😭 AND AAA A LIGHT + SOUND DUO SMAU???? MANGO ANON YOU ARE GIVING ME IDEAS!!! i literally paused to write things down omg... it's another suna smau xxx i will never be over him AND I DON'T WANT TO BE OVER HIM!!! AND YOU BEST BELIEVE I WILL BE MENTIONING YOU AS A NOTE IN THE MLIST AND BE LIKE "THIS IDEA CAME FROM MY AMAZING MANGO ANON!!!" but PLEASE that's always the struggle like u can never hear the cast during plays bc none of them can project to save their lives and then during musicals their mics all die at the worst points ever so like wtf why do we even try anyway 😭😭😭 watching the sound people go through the five stages of grief and like every single layer of hell whenever mics die is the worst i always feel so so bad 😭😭 i once helped them completely rewire their ethernet connection bc we had no idea why like the sound board was NOT speaking to the rest of the system omg i don't want to think about those times anymore 💀 /lh AND I FEEL SO BAD FOR THE TECH MANAGER GIRL TOO LIKE BRO IF SHE GOT THROWN IN AND EVERYTHING LIKE THIS GUY HAS NO RIGHT TO BE TALKING HER DOWN IK SHE WAS UNDER SO MUCH PRESSURE TOO THAT'S HORRIBLE </33 I'LL BE SENDING AN ETSY WITCH HIS WAY NOW!! but ig ur right tech crew (and actor) toxicity is inevitable </3

LMAOAOAOAOO THE MINECRAFT MAPS IT'S OKAY ANON i was victim to a discord man as well </33 hold on we'll lore drop him here instead and do skater boy next time and like I'M THROWING NAMES IN HERE IDGAF IF HE'S READING SILLY HAIKYUU X FEM READERS THAN I THINK HE HAS BIGGER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT THAN ME NAME DROPPING HIM /J not really name dropping but i called him omelette king LMAO but anyway i met OK (omelette king for short LMAOAO) on roblox during peak quarantine and we had like a 4 person group but him and me got really close and he'd do things like call me cutie and i was just 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃 STOP SORRY i'm having ptsd flashbacks we had a lot of discussions that were very strange. and then he'd make me play knockoff undertale pvp roblox games with him but i was so bad at them and he called me boring for not wanting to play them with him and yeah!! long story short one day i messaged him a paragraph about how toxic he was and then blocked him like a boss!!! if u have any lore drops I WOULD LOVE TO ALSO HEAR THEM!!!

but YES!! if u try a poke bowl lmk what you think of it!! i'm sure i could find better ones at like an actual poke place but like groccery stores are most convenient for me 😭 and i like their cheap rice idk it's just the imitation crab and whatever makes it spicy that throws me off i think just bc i'm not used to eating anything like it </33

AND PLEASE DO NOT BE SORRY FOR HOW LONG THIS WAS!!! I LOVED LIKE WRITING MYSELF NOTES ON HOW I WANTED TO REPLY AAA THIS WAS SO SO FUN I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN AND I LOVE YOU SM MANGO ANON!! <333 INSTEAD OF SENDING BAD CUSTOMERS UR WAY U SHOULD JUST COME TO ME!!! and make sure to take care of yourself as well please!! AND TODAY WAS A BIT BETTER!! hopefully this week goes better and i think it will as i get more into the groove of my new schedule </3 (which is unfortunate but it's my reality so ALAS) and thank you so much lovely!! DW um honestly like i got home from work today and was like "man i just want a bagel for dinner" and then i was like "wait what have i even eaten today?" and i realized i completely skipped lunch on accident 😭😭 bc i ate breakfast at like 10 and then went to work at 2 so i had no time!! but then my first thought was immediately "OH NO MANGO ANON'S GOING TO BE SO DISAPPOINTED IN ME </3" so i made sure to like actually eat an actual meal (eggs and toast again bc i'm in my depression meal era rn and am trying to get out of it rn but it's very hard. also i lost my appetite halfway thru but i ate it anyway LMAOAO)!! I HOPE YOU HAD A GREAT DAY AND THAT YOUR NECK IS FEELING BETTER! I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR FROM U AGAIN <33

[nerfedbytheuniverse]

Posting here because some school friends or mutual friends thereof follow my main blog.

I desperately want to remember who I was before I was this scared of everything and everyone.

I don’t know how long ago that would even be. When did I get so closed-off and withdrawn? Was it my amino buddies, the first time around? Maybe the second?

We’re not even going to talk about HER (my abuser) because I know *she* fucked me up, but I can’t pretend that was the whole reason. I recall being able to make friends between 2013 and 2018, even if I was weird and anxious. I was still a people-pleaser and socially anxious to a degree, but there are currently people in my life that I trust enough to walk around school with alone or leave my backpack and other belongings with. It scares me a little, but I can do it.

So what’s the problem? Why am I still struggling so hard?

I’m going to come right out and say that I lowkey have a school bestie, because even though all of those school friends are besties, this particular one is just Special. As I say when I want the lowest commitment answer ever, “the vibes are good”.

In reality, I know it has a little to do with the fact that, however informal and small, he did technically have an authority position in the setting we met in. And I know that he’s kind, compassionate, helpful, and wise.

But he’s still a twenty-something year old guy who tells video game npcs to “kys” and makes sex jokes sometimes in ways that guys just kinda do. Not to gender that experience but it’s just. Idk familiar maybe??

To get to the point, I trusted him enough to tell my mom in January, after having emailed him in april and met him irl in september (so not knowing him for long by my standards] “so on Friday between [penultimate thing] and [last thing I had on campus] I’ll be hanging out with [friend]” and that was it. That was all the protection I thought I needed. And you know what happened? We walked around and talked about random shit for 2 hours!

Nothing bad happened. And that’s a big sign of trust for me, to just walk around with someone I don’t know that well. So I trust him enough for that. I trust him in general. But I do not trust him to tell me if I’m being a problem, and I don’t trust him enough to believe him when he says something I do is fine.

I don’t trust it. Not because of him, but because so many people have claimed the same and didn’t follow through until they were ready to be hurtful or explosive. On a rational level, I believe him, but there’s still so much anxiety and worry

He’s not the only one, but we’ve had several small online hangouts this week, so he’s the one freshest in my mind. I’m still doubting the strength, quality, and even the nature of our friendship, because “what’s the catch, there has to be one”.

Or take another school friend. She’s the president of a school org and I’m the vice president under her. I see her once a week usually and sometimes I text her. I want to talk to her more but I don’t know what to talk about. So I ramble for the entire hangout and she chimes in and the conversation goes where it goes and I love it but it leaves me with more questions than answers.

I remember when I used to actually ask the questions instead of just thinking them.

I have yet another who is an out of state student, and much like the School Bestie in scenario A, that means we don’t see each other irl right now. I’ve gotten slow to respond lately because I noticed I reply with the same few phrases all the time. Because I’m still masking and hiding who I am, wrapping myself in this concept of social acceptability which is not even good, it literally never worked for me. So I dilute my opinions and ideas more often than not.

There are even more stories, but I’m paranoid of any of them finding this because they’d so figure out its me.

Point being that I had all these ideas of how I’m supposed to interact to be safe and not get hurt. Mainly because with one supposed “friend”, it wasn’t just emotional hurt. And I dialed back the parts I thought were weird. Hid the parts that were overly honest or blunt, the parts that were mushy and sappy, the part that joked and laughed and smiled all the time. And now I can’t get it back. It lives in my head 24/7 but then my anxiety kicks in and filters it in the silliest of ways.

so I can’t just say things like “thanks for talking with me, I really appreciate your company and I think you’re really cool”, at least not all at once. It comes in short bursts of courage.

There’s so much anxiety because it’s like

What if it’s weird

What if I’m too much

What if they take it the wrong way and think I’m flirting with/crushing on them

What if they assume I’m sucking up

What if they’re not trustworthy and I just basically showed that I’m already attached, and therefore exploitable

What if I make things awkward

What if they think I’m compliment fishing

When does this become oversharing

And probably other things I’m forgetting. The point is that I wonder a lot lately about who I was before I was scared. I want to get back to being that loving, mushy, overly happy person who just loved everyone so much.

I mean, when I was like 9 I had a friend and I made up a little song about how cool she was and she was fine with it but her mom wasn’t for some reason.

But I need that energy back because here’s the thing: I’ve already learned that these friends like honest answers, or at least to be asked, “honest answer or pretty answer?”

And that has helped me to sugarcoat and tiptoe a little less.

But I just can’t get the hang of throwing out the filter. So instead of pointing out a friend’s strengths or good qualities or something like that in a situation where it’s relevant, I just go “hehe, nice” or something like that.

I’m always editing or silencing myself and I know it’s the fear that things won’t work out and I’ll get hurt again.

My intuition tells me it’s fine and I have time with these ones before anything goes seriously wrong, but even with that, even trusting the signs I see, I can’t seem to fix it. I can’t seem to be myself.

Sometimes, I think I don’t know who myself is.

[m1ckeyb3rry]

No because I think about this every so often like…Otoya you have two sisters and you act this way??? Stark difference between two boys with sisters we have Karasu and Otoya LMAOO It fr makes me wonder bc I’d imagine his older sister would knock some sense into him?? Like yes use those eldest sibling privileges….but anyways

And you’re sooo right for that!! Honestly I love it when people make jokes like “you guys act like you’re an old married couple” etc as a way to show how close two people are even when they aren’t romantically involved?? I usually just find it funny but it’s like I’ll look at the comments of a post and people take it literally (which they’re free to do! I’ve just never seen it so honestly real with that western influence idea..) It’s funny because I’ve had convos with friends before and we laugh like if we were in a show we’d definitely be shipped so hard bc of how close we are LOL

Honestly I wonder if maybe his proportions were done that way intentionally to make him more villainy in addition to maybe the changing art style of the manga?? Or maybe I’m looking into it too much and it’s eightbit being eightbit oops

Ok wait yeah I didn’t think of that a lot of designer clothes are like the most unwearable pieces I’ve ever seen like…wow…it’s like he exclusively buys the most ridiculous most expensive outfit in shop I could see him saying something like “wealth is always in fashion” LMAO

Tabieitaken keeping it real, so true!!! Honestly yeah I love how they add a bit of like slice of life realness like these are just teenage dudes LOLLL Now that you mention it it is really interesting!! Third selection ranked them as the top players in BLLK but it’s not like their life depends on soccer alone which I honestly appreciate sm too! This just reminds me of Karasu saying like “if you only ever do soccer you’re just mediocre” in the light novel and then he goes on to talk abt stocks and city building games LMAOOO

Had to look up what a Great Pyrenees is and 1) SO THATS WHAT THAT DOGS CALLED?? 2) YOURE SO RIGHT??? I retract my statement this is even more like nagi than the samoyed…I feel the fluffy bear vibes!

I interpreted the globe emojis as Rin having disproportionately giant eyes (like that hamster) oops LMAOO But that green blue = teal makes sense now too HAHA and OUU second lead Rin would actually be really interesting….im kinda curious about who you’d consider putting for main lead! I know sae is an obvious option but I feel like that’d be like ripping Rin’s heart out and stomping on it LMAO and also maybe a bit cliche…

And OOO THATS SO COOL! I can imagine jumps being stressful and possibly a bit dangerous if not done properly!! It’s amazing you get to work with horses though they’re so gorgeous and intelligent!!! I got thrown onto horsetok for a bit and just seeing all the horses they’re so cute and goofy too sometimes LOL and awww that’s too bad about your horse! :( Hope you’ve been able to make some cute memories with the ones you work with now! I can imagine it getting super hot I see all the fits and gear people wear and I’m like wow I would sweat sm in that

Pause the horse talking makes me think back to that one BLLK jockey collab..? It was just in passing so tbh I have no idea what it really was but I think it was nagi chigiri Isagi and Barou as like jockeys??? I don’t know enough about horses to do this but I wonder what horses tabieitaken and hiori would work with….like imagine instead of soccer its equestrian LOL would make for a good fanart prompt perhaps…

LMAOOO a different breed frfr You look for real men I write up mine kinda energy I love it HAHAH But you’re so real for that honestly fwtkac Karasu raising my standards like I don’t see you guys existing irl sooo come hit me up when you learn the art of hairwax and surprise dates….

IM SO EXCITED FOR THE NEXT PART whenever I see works above 1k I clap because I LOVE reading longer works like I’m being fed too well… In Mira we trust o7

LMAOO Imagine him pulling up a stocks review podcast in the car I could NEVER but you’re so real for that…it’s either that or the most random music like a few select songs amongst the other podcast episodes about stocks finance inflation….i honestly can’t imagine him being a SUPER big music appreciator…? Like bro gets dragged to karaoke by Otoya and knows NOTHING except the super popular songs that get blasted on the streets or something….on a side note I do have some friends who are just like “I don’t listen to music” and I’m like “??? How do you survive in car rides??” But that’s besides the point LMAO

OMG YOU HAVE A RINGNECK!!! WHAT COLOR?? They’re so adorable even if they don’t talk hehe but I love seeing people post their ringnecks on social media hsjshsjsh also wait you’re onto something with the cockatiel…I think it’s the crest matching his hair too… and I LOVE conures!! I actually had a green cheeked one in the past but sadly had to give him to a family friend due to some circumstances :( they’re so cute and playful though ugh I just love birds (maybe this is why we like Karasu LMFAO)

I patiently await your next masterpiece o7 I’ve reread fwtdac like 5 times already it’s just too good!!! Take care of yourself and good luck on any upcoming dressage competitions you have!! And don’t overheat I can imagine it’s getting real hot right about now!!

-Karasu anon

EXACTLYYYY i trained my little brother STRICTLY so he knows better than to treat a girl as anything less than a queen…i wonder if maybe otoya’s older sister is like a LOT older than him so she just dgaf what he’s up to because she has like a career and whatnot already??? regardless honestly eita gives me the vibes where he’ll do his womanizing nonsense without any regret but if someone else DAREDDD to do smth even slightly off to one of his sisters/someone he cared abt he’d lowkey freak out LMAOAOAO. truly friends to lovers is the only trope that i could ever believe working out w that man…crazy how he and karasu are besties because they have like. opposite views on women 😭 karasu still remembering his first crush from like ten years ago vs otoya not even remembering who he dated last month PLSS

HE LOOKED SO DEHYDRATED both in the manga and anime!! i think it’s mostly because the art style was still being developed back then though because nagi also looks a little odd (still cutie ofc) in his first appearances during team z vs team v. but omg barou was just so skinny for some reason?? idk how to put it LMAOAO like they had my man dejuiced 😔 but he gets it back w INTEREST later on so i cannot complain too much

“wealth is always in fashion” HELP MEEEE HE WOULD SAY SMTH LIKE THAT TO ZANTETSU PROBABLY and zantetsu would be like 😲 i actually love him and zantetsu’s dynamic they’re so funny together i feel like reo’s true personality really blossoms around him!! to me they’re kinda like nagibarou but a more chill version

tabieitaken are probably the most bearable of the bllk boys irl. like i’m sorry but if i had to talk to sae “idk abt anything but soccer” itoshi i would be so bored because i am not that into soccer 😓 but tabieitaken all feel like they could hold a normal conversation and actually be entertaining to talk with regularly!! plus not only are they good at soccer, they have normal interests and lives (model yuki + stock manager (??) karasu + serial dater otoya). they’re also on the older end for bllk (yuki and karasu are both 18 already and i think otoya is abt to be 18 as well)?? so that might be a factor…meanwhile rin is in his angsty phase so he’s saying random nonsense because that’s just how puberty goes.

HAHA no it was definitely meant to be that as well!! a double representation ig you could say hehe. he’s staring at you with flashlight eyes and you feel vaguely unsettled…like did you do smth to wrong him?? is he going to beat you up?? why are his eyes so teal??

if rin was the second lead i’d probably make nagi or one of the older boys (not sae because that’s boring to me) the ml!! nagi because i love him obv but one of the older boys (tabieitaken, barou) just because i think the idea of the reader being a bit older than rin which worsens his inferiority complex has sm potential. like her treating him like a child because she thinks of him like a little brother (kinda like fwtkac y/n w hiori) vs him being madly in love with her and doing his best to get her to view him as an equal/adult (almost how he does with sae) but failing miserably every time would probably crush him and i love crushing my characters. tbh even nagi is a year or so older than him i think?? honestly anyone but chigiri/hiori could work given that setup…but nagi and tabieitaken + barou are my favs that i would also actually want to write as main love interests so it would probably be one of them!! sae shidou and isagi def not though because i think that’s been done a lot before and none of them are particular favs of mine so i couldn’t justify it

OMG I JUST LOOKED THAT ART UP HAHAH I think karasu would be a foxhunter (though he would only go on hunts where the scent is laid and no live foxes are hurt #ethicalking) because it’s very traditional and it makes him feel cool…otoya DEF just pulls up to horse shows to pick up girls (it is a very female dominated sport at the lower levels and i guarantee if a hot guy pulled up at a show he’d leave with at least five or so phone numbers) and yuki would be an eventer because imo he’d enjoy the rush of cross country. hiori i can see working with racehorses but only as a groom because he’s way too tall to be a jockey!! he’d sneak them treats whenever possible hehe

JDJDJS EXACTLY like i’m sorry but if you’re not willing to pay attention to everything i say and face your greatest fears for me then i don’t want you. my standards are too high but oh well i’m not abt to settle 🙄

i don’t think i’ve ever written anything UNDER 1k!! i’m just incapable of it i’m p sure. meanwhile i have several longfics over 100k and two of them at around 200k 😭 i think this installment (bllk vs u/20s + the two week break) is going to be even longer than fwtkac itself HAHA mostly because the cast of characters is bigger and it’s over a longer period of time so there’s lots to get down!!

PEOPLE WHO DON’T LISTEN TO MUSIC SCARE ME but fr w karasu it’s either podcasts, random obscure dad rock songs, or like super basic radio songs which pisses otoya off because he def has a super carefully curated music taste. i bet the two of them sing “my heart will go on” as a duet on karaoke nights because it’s the only song karasu reliably knows and they get SO into it to the point that everyone else is like concerned for them 😭

YES he’s the bright green kind!! very basic parrot over in india because they’re so common there. one thing abt me i WILL love a bird themed character and if none exist i will create my own (in one of my jjk stories the main character has powers based on hummingbirds). my fav animals are actually swans!! so yk i’m locked in w birds like that 🤞🏻

i was hoping to post the next part tn but based on how long it’s ending up it might be a bit more time before it’s up 😭 oh well at least there will be a LOT to read when it comes out!! rn it’s looking like it might end up at over 10k words but i don’t want to make any promises so don’t hold me to that jic 😔 and thank you sm you’re so sweet!! my mother comes to my shows and buys me peach dragonfruit slushees from 7/11 so the heat gets cancelled out and it’s all good 😪 def can’t wait for it to cool down a bit though!! fall is my fav season so i’m excited for that october chill to come around

[gigi-apologist]

sometimes i think what i would do, how i would act, if i got the chance to restart my entire life with the mindset i have today. i think i would be less of a pushover, i would impress everyone, serve cunt, slay enormously, etc.

but here’s the thing. of course i would be flawless as an adult in the body of a literal child. i would have the maturity of an adult (no matter what i say and joke about being a teenager in my twenties) dealing with actual children. but if those people who i resent from my past, even now, could come back too, of course they wouldn’t act like they did before. because they, too, would have changed. they, too, would be different, and they, too, probably still cringe about the things they did in the past.

if they were mean to you--it isn’t like you were never mean, now, is it? you made hurtful comments too, and you still remember what you were thinking. you know that if someone sat down with you and explained to you why such behavior was unkind, you would have learned and stopped. you always know what people say, of course, but you don’t know what they were thinking or feeling when they said it. you remember what you were thinking and feeling, and how you were both kind and unkind and most times oblivious about it, as the complex/flawed person you were and still are. (as all people are.)

moreover, i only have the maturity i have today because i went through all those things. i changed not in spite of, but because of everything i lived. that post i recently shared about how going back and erasing my own mistakes would be to erase myself couldn’t be more true.

it’s true, because it’s me writing this. the same gigi who cared about school popularity and cowered to “mean” girls and didn’t defend herself when she should or did a bazillion more cringe things my friendly brain loves to remind me of. i am the same person. yes, i changed, a lot. but i am still me, giovanna, who lived through all of that and did all of that and said all of that. it’s me, the same person. the same soul and lungs and blood in my veins. i don’t have to wonder, “what I would say to my past self if i ever met her” because i am her. i am child gigi, i am teenage gigi, i am young girl gigi who grew up. i am now advising myself. telling these things to myself. because the little girl i judged so harshly has changed for the better. she doesn’t exist anymore, because she listened to the invisible advices life told her and she changed to become me. why am i so hard on a ghost that doesn’t exist anymore? does that help me?

i still think of that comic i saw from that wonderful psychologist. i had a basket with me, even back then, with my own personality traits and experiences and life learning. how could i expect myself to be more discreet, or quiet, or confident, if all of those things weren’t inside my little basket yet? if they would only be acquired and learned in the future, with my experiences? would i expect my baby self before tumblr, before even facebook (before encountering that purple feminism account) to have a lot of revolutionary woke ideas? it would be irrational.

but i think it’s telling that no, i don’t truly want to go back. if i did, how could i build again the bonds that took me time to build? the bonds with my online friends, my irl friend, or even my uni classmates? i wouldn’t just undo the negative things i think i’ve done. i would undo the positive things, too. funny how it is ingrained in human nature, to see all the negative things first.

would i risk acting differently just a bit 🤏 and changing my entire future for the worst with the ✨ butterfly effect ✨ of it all? 🦋 can i trust myself to change just what would be strictly necessary instead of suppressing my own character growth?

if i was bad, i learned. if i was cringe, i was free.

i am still learning, today. i am still changing. my older self will be more mature than me and that’s okay. not to be rose on main again, but isn’t it wonderful, how human beings change? that they change so much and so genuinely that they can actually be ashamed of their very own actions? that they can confidently imagine they would do so much better than their past selves? oh, the growth that comes with experience. it’s such a beautiful superpower.

you’re just like a blorbita who underwent a character development arc!

at first, you may think like this:

which is something that everyone goes through. an extremely relatable thing, as you can see from tweets and memes everywhere. the human brain loves to remind us of our mistakes and things that make us cringe. it’s natural to the point of being expected, even, and some people have way, way worse memories than you. either way more embarrassing or actually traumatizing.

but hey, remember when mabel wanted to use the memory gun to erase the summer loves out of her mind and wendy wanted to forget a catchy song? but the lesson of the episode is that, no matter how much it seems tempting to erase certain things, your memories are an important part of who you are today?

it’s not about thinking you should think fondly of all your mistakes. sometimes, they are just cringe and embarrassing or whatever. it’s not about repressing memories nor about repressing your bitterness towards them in a fruitless attempt to be purely uwu self-loving.

it’s about not giving them the power to haunt you, and above all, not giving them the power to turn against yourself and make yourself feel bad. they won’t be such a torture if you don’t allow them to. the past is the past, and you cannot change it, but you can always evolve.

when it comes to mistakes in your childhood—if you could talk to that little girl, would you shout at her? would you accuse her of something? make her feel bad? because that’s essentially what you’re doing. you’re being more immature than her by punishing your internal child.

all useless shame that bears no fruits. this is how you sound like:

do you want to be the unforgiving, intolerant judge of yourself and be just one more of the people who point fingers at you thoughtlessly? without care about nuance and complexity?

it’s about this, gigi:

(the second half is important too, of course, but we’re focusing on the first.)

it’s about understanding, forgiving, and accepting yourself for being human.

[headful-of-worms]

I’m not a lesbian I’m a bi woman. That said for the most part I’m mainly attracted to more feminine and androgynous people but I mainly read straight smut but if I’m going to watch something I prefer sapphic porn (if it’s actually written for women) so I do find this whole conversation very interesting.

That said I really don’t like a lot of the language anon is using. I don’t want to be antagonistic. This only came across my dash because of “based on your likes” and I first just rolled my eyes and scrolled on but I had to come back and reblog because I kept thinking about it.

Even if it’s a ironic or a joke or an exaggerated or whatever shit like “I think every man is abomination” or “ I wouldn’t touch anything a man touched irl with a 40 foot pole” is gross and feeding into a larger problem and I’ve been seeing this kind of shit online for years.

A lot of “ironic” misandry feeds right into terf rhetoric. When you act like every man is a predator who needs to be viewed with suspicion when you act everything adjacent to men is something untouchable transphobia is a not a big leap.

Obviously there’s terfs who see trans women as men trying to invade women’s spaces but there’s also subtle things like how a lot of trans men have experienced their queer and women friends become more distant as they transition. And like how a lot of “progressive” spaces will group women and enbies together to just make a non men category and inevitably end up invalidating a lot of non binary people by treating as women with an asterisk. Not to mention how trans women and enbies who “don’t pass enough” are made to feel uncomfortable in those space or are sometimes are just completely excluded.

Also a lot of these attitudes remind me a lot of the discourse I saw in queer spaces online in the 2010s. Even though I don’t think anon meant to come off as biphobic or anything “ I wouldn’t touch anything a man touched irl with a 40 foot pole” reminds me of lesbians talking about not wanting to date bisexual women and prioritizing gold star lesbians and whatever the fuck. While I have seen a lot less rhetoric surrounding the idea of dating a man taints a bisexual women I still see a lot of straight women talk about how they couldn’t be with a bi man because they’re grossed out with the idea that he had slept with another man before.

And even ignoring all the queer people hurt cis men are getting hurt too and that matters. Again being intersectional black and brown men are already seen as predatory and black men in particular are extremely sexualized too. Do you not realize you’re just reinforcing these stereotypes?

And it hurts women too. When it comes to race most people or progressives at least understand that people who live in multicultural areas like cities tend to be much more accepting and yet so many people online and irl act like men and women are fundamentally different species that need to be segregated. I’m not expecting woman to try to have a civil conversation with every man who cat calls them or just put up with men who are making them uncomfortable but I am asking people to try just being a little less essentialist

every time you post about being a lesbian i just feel so validated “irl i think every man is an abomination” but there’s still a fantasy element about men is so REAL. i wouldn’t touch something a man has touched irl with a 40 ft pole but i still read fic about men and seeing someone else who also thinks/feels that way is so validating to me. men are like novelty items. maybe like a cursed amulet or something. nice in theory but i’d rather eat sheet metal than have anything to do with one for real

i'm so glad to hear that you've got such a similar experience to me!!!! honestly for me, it's just that i'm never imagining me with the men i'm writing for. i know most people who read reader isnerts are reading to imagine themselves with those characters, but for me it's just... a random kinda bland female character. i might think what i write is hot, but i'm not imagining myself in those scenarios, yk?

i see writing straight romance (specifically x readers) like i see reading/watching any horror or action movies. do i love watching sidney in scream fight off ghostface? yeah, duh. would i want to deal with all that?? never ever. do i think it's hot for ghost to fuck a girl brainless?? of course. do i want to be her?? i'd rather die

[wongyuseokie]

Your Loss | c.h.v | k.m.g | c.s.c | y.j.h | b.s.k 

Summary: Your ex-boyfriend and you broke up a few months ago, but you two remained friends, and of course, his nosy friends can’t help but pry and get as detailed as possible to find out what ended the relationship, and then, of course, offer to make only you feel better. However, they can. All while your ex-boyfriend watches. ☆ 18+ minors dni |☀︎fluff | ♕smut | ♥︎ completed Word Count:  2550 words

Pairing(s): Chwe Hansol x Female Reader | Choi Seungcheol x Female Reader | Yoon Jeonghan x Female Reader | Kim Mingyu x Female Reader | Boo Seungkwan x Female Reader Genre/Trope(s)/AU(s): PWP, Smut. Content Warnings: Y/N is Vernon’s ex, and they ended on good terms, but the others are nosy. A few snappy comments, but nothing too toxic or emasculating. Mentions of alcohol. Seungkwan is a flirty lil’ shit. Vernon likes watching. 

Smut Warnings: Dom!Cheol, Dom!Mingyu, Dom!Jeonghan, Dom!Seungkwan. Unprotected sex (please don’t do this irl). Overstimulation, double penetration, breast & nipple play. Oral (m & f receiving), face riding, squirting. Mentions of public sex. Pet names (good boy, baby boy, pretty girl), praise kink. Pussy slapping. Cum play. Biting, it’s mild. Voyeur Vernon. Handjobs, cum swallowing. Sir kink. Name-calling (whore). Authors Note 1: This is a fic I wrote for my lovely soul mate @here4btsfics. I'm so glad to have you in my life, my love, you make every day brighter and happier. Thank you for being born, and thank you for letting me celebrate with you too 💕 Authors Note 2: Thank you so much to @duhnova & @the-boy-meets-evil for helping me beta this horny mess, and yelling at me (affectionately) for writing this!! 💕💕💕💕 Banner Credits: @classicscreations Cross Posted to AO3 © wongyuseokie 2023. All rights reserved.

“Is this okay?” Your ex-boyfriend, Vernon, asked as he poured you a glass of wine. You had invited him and his friends–well, they were your friends, but they were his friends first–over to your apartment because it had been a while since you all caught up. 

It had been six months since the breakup and six months since you last saw the others. 

“Yeah? We ended on good terms, and it’s not awkward, not for me. What about you?” You asked. 

“No, I’m glad we were mature about it.” 

“Me too,” Vernon agreed. 

“YOOOOO! Open the door, love birds!” You heard someone yell outside your front door and exchanged a look with Vernon. 

“Jeonghan,” you both mumbled at the same time. You cracked a grin before heading to your door to let the dramatic man in. 

“Hello gorgeous,” Jeonghan greeted, stepping into your apartment and engulfing you in a tight embrace. 

“Hello, handsome,” you greeted back, your voice muffled by his toned chest. 

“Ahem?” You heard Vernon interject. 

“Oh, quit it. We had to deal with this shit when you two were together,” Jeonghan dismissed, making you and Vernon crack a smile. 

“Now shall we drink? The others might be late,” Jeonghan offered, and you nodded. 

“Sure, let’s get drunk,” you joked. 

“God, I’ve missed this,” Jeonghan said, sipping his wine. 

“What, drinking?” You joked, and Jeonghan glared at you.

“No, smartass, I meant it’s nice drinking just the adults,” Jeonghan retorted, making you laugh. 

“And you’re an adult?” You teased, making Jeonghan glare at you.

“I swear you and Mingyu are the same age, though, mentally at least,” Jeonghan mumbled, making you laugh. 

“Shut up. He could never do the wonders that my tongue does,” Jeonghan said, making you bite your lip as you tried to imagine it. 

“Uh, too much information, Hyung,” Vernon mumbled. He didn’t mind the conversation, but the idea of you being orally pleasured made his pants tighten, especially if he could be a fly on the wall when it happened.  

“Meh, Y/N? Do you mind?” Jeonghan teased, and you just kept sipping your wine. 

“Ah, speechless, I like that,” Jeonghan teased, and you were about to scowl at him when the front door opened to reveal Seungkwan, Seungcheol, and Mingyu entering your apartment. 

“Sorry, we’re late, Y/N. We were working on a new track,” Seungkwan explained while you got up from the sofa to greet him, and he welcomed you into a hug, his large arms wrapping around you. 

“That’s okay. Can I at least get a sneak peek?” You asked, batting your eyelashes at him, and Seungkwan laughed. 

“Pretty girl, if you think I haven’t figured out your ways yet, you’re insane. No, you do not get a teaser,” Seungkwan said, and you pouted and got out of his arms to hug Seungcheol and Mingyu. 

Mingyu, energetic as always, practically carried you into his arms. 

“Gyu!” You squealed as Mingyu kept your feet off the ground.

“I’ve missed you, pretty girl. How have you been?” Mingyu asked, earning a smile from you. 

“I’m good, wait. You’ve missed me?” You asked, and Mingyu nodded. 

“Yup, well, not just me,” Mingyu said, making you giggle.

“Alright, are y’all done babbling?” Jeonghan interjected. “Can we drink?” He asked, huffing, and you smiled, nodding. 

A couple of hours passed, and most of you were at least three drinks in. The room became warmer, your lips became looser, and your thoughts became wilder. 

“So why’d you two break up?” Mingyu blurted out, making Vernon choke on his drink. 

“I guess we just decided we were better off as friends?” You suggested, unsure how to say, ‘we just fizzled out.’ 

“Yeah. No bad blood. She’s a sweetheart,” Vernon agreed. 

“Mhm, she does smell sweet too,” Jeonghan slurred slightly as he leaned into your side. 

“It’s my new perfume,” you answered. 

“Possibly, but I’m sure you would also taste very sweet,” Jeonghan flirted, making you grin. 

“That’s very true. You taste sweet,” Seungkwan agreed, and you stared at him. 

“How on earth would you know?” You asked, and Seungkwan grinned and turned to face your ex-boyfriend, who was turning beet red. 

“God, Y/N tastes so sweet, I could bury my tongue inside her and die a happy man,” Seungkwan mocked in a voice meant to sound like Vernon.

You gasped at Seungkwan’s words, which you guess were Vernon’s. 

“Vernon?” You asked. 

“Babe. I’m sorry. I thought this dude understood bro code,” Vernon mumbled, shooting Seungkwan a glare. 

“So, bad sex wasn’t the issue?” Seungcheol asked suddenly. 

“God no, the sex was amazing,” you admitted, the alcohol dissolving your filter. 

“What was a dirty secret of Vernon’s, one he won’t tell us?” Mingyu asked, wiggling his brows at you. 

“You guys are evil, and I’m not telling,” you replied, making Mingyu pout. 

“So, how good did she taste?” Mingyu asked, and you choked on your drink, and you were sure if they kept asking such questions, you’d end up choking on your drink all night long. 

“Sweet, like candy,” Vernon slurred, and you were tempted to throw something at your ex-boyfriend’s face to shut him up, but you’d be lying if you said the compliment didn’t flatter you. 

“Can I find out?” Mingyu asked, and all you could do was gawk at him and look at your ex-boyfriend, hoping Mingyu’s words wouldn’t start a fight. 

Instead, Vernon gave a lazy smile and leaned back in his seat. 

“Why don’t you ask her? I’m sure she’ll be happy to let you taste,” Vernon teased, and you snapped your legs shut, pressing your thighs together to get some relief. 

“Y/N? Can I taste you? I promise I’ll be good,” Mingyu said sincerely, his eyes hopeful and his gaze sinful. 

“Uh, I don’t see why not?” You offered slowly. 

“On one condition,” Vernon spoke. 

“Which is?” Mingyu asked. 

“I want to see,” Vernon said, and you gulped. 

“Shit, I think we found Vernon’s hidden kink. He’s a little vouyer,” Mingyu teased. 

“And you want to lick my ex’s pussy. Shall we get into your issues?” Vernon fired back, and Mingyu pouted and shook his head. 

“Y/N,” Vernon started to say, and you looked up at him. 

“Yes?” 

“Go over to Hyung, and give him a taste,” Vernon instructed, his voice smooth and husky. You nodded, downing your drink and got up, moved over to where Mingyu was sitting and placed yourself onto his lap. 

Mingyu reacted quicker, pulling you off his lap, placing you on the sofa, and making you yelp in the process as he got onto his knees. 

Mingyu smirked at you as he pulled your sweats and underwear off. You were already letting out a soft whimper, and Mingyu had barely touched you.  

“Pretty little pussy,” Mingyu praised, his hot breath on your cunt. 

“Gyu, please do something,” you begged, and a sharp slap to your cunt stopped your whimpers. 

“I’m not Gyu; I’m your Sir. Don’t fuck with me, princess, or you won’t cum,” Mingyu threatened, and you shook your head furiously, and you heard the faint groans of the other men in the room,

“Can you multitask, pretty princess?” Mingyu asked, and you nodded. 

“Good girl. Make Seungcheol Hyung cum, and I’ll make you cum,” Mingyu said, and you let out a soft moan before turning your head to see Seungcheol. 

Seungcheol was sitting next to you, and you turned your body, so your head was in his lap. You palmed his length, making him moan, and kept palming him until he hardened under your touch. 

You pulled his cock out of his grey sweats. You wrapped your mouth around his thick length, moaning as you tasted his arousal, and used your tongue to lap at it. 

“Princess, do you like sucking on Seungcheol Hyung’s cock?” Mingyu asked, and you whimpered, moaning around Seungcheol ’s cock, making Seungcheol grip your hair tighter as he thrust his cock further into your mouth, hissing as he did so.  

“Good girl,” Mingyu praised and finally placed his tongue on your cunt. Mingyu licked your pussy with short licks until his tongue finally reached your clit. You moaned more around Seungcheol’s cock, as Mingyu slid two long fingers into your cunt, while his tongue flicked your clit. 

You whimpered, trying to move your mouth away from Seungcheol ’s cock to moan, and Mingyu noticed, moving his mouth away immediately. 

“Until he cums down your greedy little throat, you do not move, understood?” Mingyu warned, making you whimper.

“I’ll take that as a yes,” Mingyu said with a proud smirk. 

You groaned and resumed your actions on Seungcheol’s cock, while Mingyu kept fingering you all while sucking on your clit with his tongue.  

“Make her cum Gyu, and cum inside her. I want to lick your cum out of her,” Seungcheol said breathlessly, making Mingyu grunt as he nodded, moving his mouth away from your cunt. 

“Fuck you are so sweet, princess. You need to ride my face sometime,” Mingyu said, making you shudder at the thought. 

You kept bobbing your head up and down Seungcheol ’s cock, until he stilled and came down your throat, a string of curse words leaving Seungcheol ’s lips as he came. 

“Good?” You asked Seungcheol, removing your mouth from his cock. Seungcheol nodded lazily, smiling fondly at you.  

“Amazing,” Seungcheol complimented, making you smile. 

Mingyu moved his mouth away from your cunt to pull you into a soft kiss.

You yelped suddenly when Mingyu grabbed your waist and flipped you onto your hands and knees. You felt him push his length into you. Mingyu’s thick length was a lot longer, which allowed his cock to hit deep inside you. 

“Vernon!” You gasped, suddenly realising that he was in the room, along with Jeonghan and Seungkwan, but your worries faded when you saw Vernon’s hand palming his clothed erection and a smirk, letting you know it was okay to continue. 

“Fucking hell. You’re perfect, baby,” Mingyu praised as you moaned as you fell forward as he constantly pounded his cock into you, hitting all the right spots inside you. 

“More”, you begged, and a sharp slap to your ass silenced you as Mingyu grabbed your hair, yanking you up, your back pressed against his chest. 

“I set the pace, pretty girl. You’re just my little whore,” Mingyu warned, making you whimper. 

“Sorry, Sir,” you mumbled, and Mingyu groaned in approval, pounding senselessly into you. 

“Good girl,” Mingyu praised, finally pushing you over the edge and making you cum. You felt someone’s tongue on your pussy, making you wail in pleasure, as you looked down to see Seungcheol sucking on your clit. 

Mingyu came soon after your release, groaning as he pulled out of you. Mingyu placed a kiss on your cheek and helped to position you on your back. 

“Good?” Mingyu asked, and you moaned out a ‘yes,’ followed by a yelp when you felt Seungcheol resume his assault on your cunt. 

Seungcheol started to lick your clit, moving his tongue inside your cunt to lick Mingyu’s cum out of you, making you shiver as you came again. Seungcheol gave your pussy a final kiss and pulled away, smirking at your ex-boyfriend, who was sitting in the corner of the room, his hand now under his jeans, cupping his hardened length. 

You felt yourself being woken up from your dream-like state when Seungkwan picked you up in his arms. Seungkwan carried you over and placed you down slowly onto Jeonghan ’s cock. You let out a hiss, already sensitive from your multiple orgasms. 

“God, you’re tight, and Mingyu, where are your manners? Not letting your Hyungs have a turn first?” Jeonghan asked, and you giggled. 

“Sorry, Hyung, but you know you can’t last that long, so if you went now, you’d be out,” Mingyu teased, making Jeonghan glare at the tall man. 

“If this kitten weren’t soaking my cock right now, you’d be a dead man,” Jeonghan threatened, and Mingyu shrugged. 

Jeonghan sighed, ignoring Mingyu and instead wrapped his hands around your waist, holding you still and placing a soft kiss on your lips. You weren’t sure when Seungkwan sat down next to you, but you whimpered when you felt his long fingers on your clit. 

“Fucking hell,” you moaned, falling into Jeonghan ’s toned chest. 

“Pretty girl, I’m going to fuck you along with Hyung. Will you let me?” Seungkwan asked, his hot breath on your neck, and you let out a muffled gasp before answering. 

“Yes,” you breathed out, and Seungkwan groaned, feeling his cock twitch, and he couldn't move quickly enough. 

“Hyung, can you lay down? I want to see if she can take both of us in one go?” Seungkwan asked, and Jeonghan groaned and nodded as he laid down on the couch carefully to never pull out of your tight cunt. 

“Good god,” Seungkwan groaned as he knelt between Jeonghan’s legs and positioned himself at your entrance, and pushed his thick cock in, resting it against Jeonghan’s. You moaned, found Jeonghan’s lips, and kissed him, gently biting and tugging his full lips, begging for more. 

Both men groaned, feeling how tight you were, hissing as their cocks rubbed against one another. Jeonghan started to thrust first, and Seungkwan followed after. 

Both men were close, and Seungkwan knew this and moved his hands down to massage Jeonghan ’s balls, making him whine and buck into you harder, causing you to collapse onto his chest as you came, making them both groan as you tightened around their cocks. 

You felt Seungkwan yank you into his embrace; your back pressed into his chest. 

“None of us are quite done with you, baby,” Seungkwan said, and you nodded lazily. You were pretty sure your limbs would be out of commission, but you didn’t care because the pleasure was overwhelmingly good. 

You turned your head to see Mingyu standing by your side and Seungcheol on the other, and you shakily reached to take Mingyu into your mouth while your hand stroked Seungcheol. 

The room was soon filled with sinful noises, groans, whines and whimpers. 

You screamed as you came again. This time after Jeonghan came inside you first, Seungkwan hissed, soon releasing in you as well. Both men continued to stay inside you while you moaned around Mingyu’s cock as his grip on your hair got tighter until he finally came, and you greedily swallowed his release. 

You moved your mouth off Mingyu’s cock and turned all your attention to Seungcheol and replaced your hand with your mouth, and sucked him until he, too, came down your throat. 

Mingyu and Seungcheol lay back on the sofa while Seungkwan and Jeonghan pulled out of you slowly while you laid back on the couch and were about to relax and recover. 

Jeonghan, however, had other plans and suddenly shoved three fingers into your cunt, while Seungkwan rubbed your clit, making you squirt and writhe as you came undone again. 

You shook, gasping as you curled into Jeonghan’s chest, who placed a soft kiss on your forehead. 

“So, round two?”  Jeonghan  joked, earning a glare from you. 

“I’m not opposed to it. Mind if I join the next time, kitten?” Vernon asked, his voice husky and low, and you gulped, nodding. 

“Mhm, please do.” 

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

Hyper-vigilance: always feeling “on edge,” alert, unable to relax even in spaces that should feel safe. May be combined with an elevated “flight” response, or feelings of always being prepared to flee. (I used to hide important documents and possessions in a sort of emergency go bag, even when I was living alone and there was no logical reason other than it made me feel “prepared.”)

Difficulty regulating emotions: may include mood swings, persistent numbness, sadness, suicidal idealization, explosive anger (or inability to feel anger and other strong emotions), inability to control your emotions, confusion about why you react the way you do.

Sense of foreshortened future: assuming or feeling that you will die young. Recurring thoughts that "I'll be dead before the age of 30/40/18/21 etc." As a teenager I used to joke darkly that I didn't plan to live past 30—not because I planned to end my life, but because I simply couldn't imagine myself alive and happy in the long-term. I couldn't imagine a meaningful future where I wasn't suffering.

Emotional flashbacks: finding yourself suddenly re-experiencing feelings of helplessness, panic, despair, or anger etc, often without understanding what has triggered these feelings. Often these flashbacks don’t clearly relate to the memory of a single event (since C-PTSD is caused by repetitive events, which can blur together), making them harder to identify as flashbacks—especially if you’ve never heard the phrase “emotional flashback” and don’t know what to look for. For years I just filed it under “sometimes I overreact/freak out randomly for no reason, probably bc I am just a terrible human being.” (It turns out there was very much a reason, it was just hidden in the past. I have since learned to be kinder and less judgemental towards myself.)

There are other symptoms too, here are more links with good info.

I’ve been meaning to write this post for awhile, because I’ve noticed that a lot of the people I interact with online have risk factors and experiences similar to mine. These include:

growing up in a dysfunctional household

having caregivers who do not fulfill basic emotional needs (do not provide consistent positive attention, encouragement, support, acceptance, communication, a sense of safety and security)

on a very related note, experiencing neglect or abuse at the hand of caregivers or other adults. I also want to emphasize the significance of emotional abuse, since it is hard to recognize, easy to ignore, and utterly rampant in so many communities. In general, family dysfunction, abuse & neglect are quite difficult to identify when you are a child/teen and that is the only “normal” you have known.

(For example, in my family it manifested as an emotionally absent father I was vaguely frightened of, constant nagging from a hypercritical mother, and a house full of people who yelled and screamed at each other. It took me years to realize I grew up in an abusive environment, because there was no physical violence, because I participated in the fighting, and because my behavioral problems made me the family scapegoat. And I internalized that guilt: I thought I was the problem. But no—I was a child, and I deserved not to grow up in a household full of anger and fear and negativity. You deserved that too. You deserved to grow up safe and loved and treated with kindness.) 

anyway back to more risk factors:

being neurodivergent or chronically ill (especially without receiving proper treatment/support/accommodation)

being queer (especially in a conservative or undiverse community, or without the support and acceptance of family & friends)

being the target of bullying or harassment (from peers, teachers, authority figures, irl, online, etc)

being isolated or alienated from peers, from family, from your wider community.

growing up with chronic anxiety, discomfort, pain, fear, or distress caused by any of the above and more.

There are many other experiences that can cause chronic trauma, but these are some particularly common ones I see people in my own community struggling with. And I want more people to be aware of this, because we’ve been taught to ignore and second-guess the significance of our traumatic experiences. We’ve been taught to feel guilty for our own pain, because “other people aren’t struggling, so I shouldn’t either” or (contradictorily) “other people have it worse, so I shouldn’t complain.” But that’s not how it works—you are not other people, and you deserve to have it better. We all deserve better. We deserve to be happy. We deserve not to be in pain.

I used to think I couldn’t have a trauma disorder because (I argued in my head) the things that happened to me weren’t that bad. And then I spent five years in therapy learning to accept the full extent of my issues. I’ve since learned that trauma comes in many forms, and can happen quietly, invisibly, silently, chronically, and usually without the survivor being aware of the long-term repercussions of what they are surviving. That revelation comes later, after you have survived and must instead learn to live.

Finally, no single type of trauma is more real or harmful than any other. Severity is measured by the way the individual is affected, and the same situations affect different people in different ways. Because no one gets to choose how their brain reacts to trauma. No one gets to choose their hurt—otherwise there would be a hell of a lot less hurting in the world.

We can, however, choose to seek help. We can learn to recognize when something is wrong, we can learn when to reach out to professionals, and we can learn to educate ourselves on our injuries.

And gradually, we can learn to heal.

(posts like this brought to you by ko-fi supporters)

[eternalglitch]

Hi there! First of all, I’m not kidding when I say lfls is one of the best stories I’ve had the pleasure to read in a looong time and I can’t thank you enough for sharing such a wonderfully written story :D

When I started reading the fic it had about 5k kudos and not many chapters were plagued with comments. Now there’s like more than a hundred comments in the latest chapters with 10k kudos and still growing. How does that feel? Does it get overwhelming? What kept you motivated when the numbers weren’t as high? I’m so curious to know how the growth in popularity has been on your part!

I’m also loving the lfls playlist. Have you heard Karma by AJR? Idk why but I feel like it goes really well with the story.

Hoping you’re having a great time in your day to day and once again thanks for sharing your work!

The numbers and statistics on every single one of my social media accounts don't feel real to me, I will be honest.

In 2017 I had another decently big fic (or so I thought), and I was (positively) overwhelmed by waking up to about 24 new comments the next morning when I posted a chapter and that was about it for that chapter's comment count. Now I get maybe 50 within the hour of posting and about ten new ones every day.

I think the first three months of writing lfls I had no concept of anyone really watching. Chapter two got maybe two comments within the week it was posted, but I was also studying abroad at the time and had plenty of things irl to keep myself busy with over in Singapore.

I never had an issue by the (lack of) numbers in the start, because I thought the fandom was too small in the first place to get numbers. I was just writing this for myself. In a fun reversal, sometimes it's harder to write with the bigger following because of stage fright for me. What if I make the wrong call on a plot twist? What if I leave an embarrassing typo that thousands of people will now see? These weren't issues when it felt like no one was watching. But if I get stuck in that mindset for too long, I simply vanish for a break. Make like Avatar Aang and go hibernate for, say, 6 months away from my fic. I've done it before, long enough that I forgot that there was anything to really be nervous about. That was back when this first started really snowballing in attention though, and I think I've grown a bit more used to it all.

Still, my friends make fun of me because my brain can't fully understand just HOW MANY people follow me. It feels like I have 50 followers, when this is not the reality. As a fanfic writer surrounded by very talented artist friends my entire life, I had grown used to the idea that on social media I would never really get a following and would just cheer my friends on for that. The usual script is that the artists get more attention on Tumblr and Twitter, and the writers get their time to shine on ao3 or fanfic.net, but not elsewhere. And I was totally okay with that! I am always very happy for my friends' success. Visual art gets consumed faster and is quicker to draw attention and that's that. But then suddenly this was not the case AT ALL for me. I made it as one of the exceptions. It's really nice to have this weird power to boost other people on social media and get their work seen and recognized in turn.

Because of this popularity, I'm also exposed to a lot more opinions about my work because usually people only find and talk about the fanfic that meets what they are looking for. Now that lfls has fully escaped containment and is in most Rise fandom areas, people that do not seek out or read angst are trying angst. My condolences to those poor souls, I would say my writing is not actually that dark to people that enjoy these tropes but it sure is quite the shocker (lol) if you're new to the scene. Or maybe I'm just terrible at judging how dark I write, I genuinely think some chapters are breathers and yet have seen jokes online that those are some of the most emotionally heart wrenching ones.

But yeah, getting fanart and comments every single day is SO GOOD for keeping up enthusiasm for a long fic. I dread the final chapter a little because it's been an awesome ride that I don't want to end. Excited to show everyone the rest of the fic too, though! And maybe some people will stick around for my next writing adventure.

I think the real crisis is I'm about to maybe even OVERTAKE in kudos one of the fics I really look up to and have aspired to write in that kind of quality for the past 6 years. Which sounds fake. That is FAKE, I haven't gotten my skills sharp enough to do that yet.

And yes I do know that song!! I can definitely see it for lfls. I found it with a Steven Universe amv a few years back.

Thank you for reading and enjoying my work in turn! :}

[snuggles-and-struggles]

Here now. Originally I planned to actually have bits n pieces of Stretch (and maybe Edge's) lives going on around them woven in w/ the convos n what they're doing while talking. I wanted to play up Edge as genuinely being kinda sus to Stretch a little in the beginning but coming to trust him when he realizes Edge is just weird lol <3 (- indicates an emoji)

I do hope to write this properly some day! But not right now lol

•

And you don’t think looking for romance online is a bit, I don’t know, temerarious?

‘temerarious'

seriously man what planet are you from

besides

whats any less “””temerarious””” than going out with someone you just met??

It’s reckless in more than one way.

ahhh i see

you’re talking about like

catfish and stuff

Manipulation is also significantly easier when handled remotely.

speaking from experience?

You’ll need to clarify; I don’t know which direction to be offended in.

well if you’ve got any better ideas i’m all ears

I thought you’d mentioned being a skeleton monster?

yeah??

Then I’d hardly say you’re ‘all ears’.

aha

aha ha ha

you’d kill it at your local comedy club

Thank you.

As for advice I’d give, I’d be inclined to suggest focusing more on yourself instead, so I’m not the ideal person to ask about romance.

bad at romance, pro at suggesting ways it could fail!

i gotcha

You don’t need to be a mechanic to know smoke shouldn’t come up from under a car’s hood.

you make a fair point

still

id kinda just like…knowing

ya know?

I don’t think I do. What do you mean?

knowing like…

its not me

ive tried irl dating and mingling and “putting myself out there” a ton of times

but it never goes anywhere

not to sound *too* desperate but i just want to know that at least someone out there could like me enough to stick around for more than a couple weeks

What about friends?

you were not joking about not being a romantic huh

its different dude

I’ll take your word for it.

For what it’s worth I’ve found this conversation enjoyable.

You’re clever and amusing, even if you’re also rude.

-

can i put that in my bio

best review ive ever gotten

I don’t like using emoticons, but you should know I just rolled my eyes.

-

i thought you said youre a skeleton monster too?

-

pretty sure i felt another eye roll through the force

Amendment: eyelights.

you have eyelights?

You don’t?

touché

i do not

what do they look like? are they white??

The way you asked that makes me hesitate to answer.

-

theres a skeleton monster who regulars a coffee shop i live by

has white eyelights

we’ve never talked but thought this might be a wild coincidence

Sorry to disappoint, but no, they are not white.

alas

can i ask what color they are or is that too sus for you too

Imagine your favorite color. My eyelights are whatever the opposite of it is.

and you say /im rude

That wasn’t rude, I’m fairly certain that was what they refer to as a “joke”.

uh huh

they must not be very funny then

Point in case: rude.

alright wise guy

how about this

(They go on to exchanging and ranking each other’s jokes and burns for about an hour before Edge ultimately signs off. Stretch is feeling a little less miserable and decides to hit the hay “early” instead of depression scrolling on his phone for hours.

There’s then a time skip of a few months. Stretch talking to Edge about the atrocious date he’d been on the night before)

seriously

never been the type to ditch out via bathroom trip from whence you dont return but i actually considered it!

You should have left directly after that comment about your brother. He didn’t even deserve the courtesy of a mysterious disappearance.

yeah youre right honestly

what a freak

and thats coming from me so you know its bad

You’re not a freak.

save it until youve actually had to occupy the same space as me

No. Believe me, I’ve met my fair share of deplorables. You aren’t one of them.

didnt say deplorable just freak

i dont really mind bein a freak but creeps like him give us a bad rap

If it retains a less offensive definition to you then I won’t argue, but you’re often too self deprecating.

eh

im not a very impressive person so i gotta find some way to laugh about it

On the contrary, you don’t give yourself enough credit. You’re the only person I’ve ever met on the internet and felt compelled to stay in touch with, which is very impressive.

-

okay alright

i managed to get one cool guy to keep talking to me

guess i cant be too much of a loser

You think I’m cool? I am, I’m just surprised you actually admitted it.

-

as much as i love yankin your chain

yeah

i do actually think youre pretty cool

I have good news for you then. I have very high standards and don’t associate with losers at all, which means you yourself must be cool.

oooh very smooth very smooth

alright alright fine

im at least a little cool

Glad we can agree on that.

Now, you didn’t finish telling me about that “date”. Did he really try to put a finger through your jaw?

-

wait wait i gotta give a little more context

so before that

(Cuts again, a little over a year)

i know i know

i just feel really stupid

the red flags were practically screaming in my face

Have you ever heard the saying about rose tinted glasses and red flags?

yeah

still

never realize i think im smarter than that until i remember im not

It has nothing to do with being smart. More that you’re perhaps too kind.

would you believe youre not the first person to tell me im naive?

I didn’t say naïve.

so you dont think im naive?

No I think you’re that too, but it’s different. You can be unkind and still naïve. You can be too kind and incredibly perceptive.

I don’t think it’s necessarily naïve to try and see the best in others, but it’s too kind to give the benefit of the doubt and forgiveness so generously.

yeah i think i get what you mean

And maybe there’s also the chance you overlook blatant signs because you’re detrimentally non-confrontational.

hah!

hit the nail on the head a little too hard with that one

to tell you the truth i think its more that than the kindness at this point

im just tired of being lonely

does that make me just as bad?

Does staying with an asshole because you don’t want to be alone make you as bad as the asshole?

Am I understanding the question correctly?

well when you say it like that it sounds really stupid

It sounded stupid the way you said it, too.

how come when i say im stupid you get mad at me but youre allowed to throw it around all willy nilly

I didn’t say you were stupid, but even perfectly intelligent people have stupid thoughts every now and then.

Like when I contemplated traveling to Ebott just to strangle [name] a few moments ago.

-

you should really talk to a therapist about that violent streak yeowch

but in all seriousness

thanks

just for…sticking around

idk

just always feel better after talking with you

Likewise.

You should probably try to get some sleep, isn’t it almost four there?

ew yeah youre right

alright

talk to ya later edgelord

gnight -

Goodnight, Stretch.

(A couple years later (Phone call, not text))

see, i think the problem is you set the bar too high

we’ve been talking this whole time and the more we talk the less i wanna talk…to anybody else

what im trying to say is…

im…i think im in love with you

Stretch…

yeah, i- it was stupid, im sorry, I shouldn’t have-

Stop. I just…need a moment.

We’ve never even met in person- I…

it’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it, really, i just-

can…are we still friends?

I’m going to need more time to think about this. I’m sorry.

no- no, it’s alright, *i’m sorry for…putting you on the spot like that. i’m sorry.

Stretch.

Whatever conclusion I come to I can’t imagine not wanting to keep talking with you moving forward.

...

alright.

i’ll…let you get back to things.

talk to you later.

Yes, you will. Goodbye, Stretch.

bye.

(More time later (another call))

so i told her i’d have to get back to her but…who *asks that?

You certainly get a unique variety of customers, no one could argue against that.

hah, yeah, sheesh

not that i mind all that much, just wish they were a little less creative

You work for a medical supply company, love, their customers are about as creative as you can get.

-breath of laughter-

ugh. i need a vacation.

“Christmas” break is fast approaching, you’ll make it until then.

yeah…

are you sure? like, really super certain sure you want me to come up there this year?

If you’d rather not-

no no no! i do, i just…i mean, it feels like a lot. i feel bad making you cover everything.

When was the last time you made me do anything? *I invited *you, it’s only fair.

i wouldn’t exactly call spoiling your broke boyfriend constantly fair.

Why not? I have the means, what good do they do me not to use them to spoil you? And I’d hardly call paying for one flight to and from spoiling.

except it’s not one flight, because i know you, and it’s gyftmas, and you’re gunna be crazy over the top about everything.

I would be doing that regardless. But I’d be happier doing it with you here.

-flustered-

alright alright.

i miss you.

I miss you, too.

It won’t be long now, though. Three months. One season.

one season.

fuck, getting a call, gotta go, love you, bye!

I love you, too.

Actually on the topic of dialogue, I have this entire fic rough drafted through dialogue abt Stretch and Edge meeting online through like, a message board or something. It's very cute, but for some reason I've never been able to work on the actual text of it.

[sxtaep]

You only got horny once? That means that you're purer and better than most of us here 😭😭😭😭😭😭. What did tht guy do to ruin you? 👀

THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT WE’RE GONNA TALK ABOUT IT BECAUSE WE NEED SOME TMI AROUND HERE 😭😭😭

it’s probably nothing serious and petty to some of you BUT THIS FUCKED ME UP DIFFERENTLY 😭

get ready for a long, boring story time guys

tw: jahanara being fucking stupid

ok i’ve mentioned this guy before, but let’s call him X for this storyline 😭

so, me and X have known each other since we were 11, we went to the same secondary school and ended up going to the same college. we weren’t close in secondary school, he was just a classmate and a mutual friend and that was it really.

going round to september 2020 when college started, that’s when we found out that we went to the same college and a lot of our mutual friends also joined us there so that’s when we started getting close along with our other friends.

it all started with a game of among us and then a server on discord where we used to play and talk everyday 😭 it was really fun and i guess that stemmed my liking towards him?

he was so nice and funny and he’d always be nicer to me compared to everyone else in our friend group and that just threw me totally off-guard.

in college when we’d meet up before/after our classes, we’d be with the rest of our friends just chilling and stuff or we’d be walking home together talking about the most random things (mostly aot).

now now, everyone in our friend group knew that i used to write smut and ffs and stuff so they’d always tease me about it, but he in particular would ask me questions like “how do you come up with this stuff?” “are you even into any of the things you write?” and i’m guessing he used that against me later on, you’ll see.

i think around December 2020 was when i became absolutely certain that i had a crush on him and IT WAS KILLING MEEE and it was the night of my birthday, i was talking to my close friends and i told them i was gonna confess just to get it off my chest and they were very onboard and supportive about it, so i messaged him.

surprisingly, he was very nice and normal about it which was weird because he’s the most unemotional person in the world 😭 but yeah, he said he appreciates it but he wasn’t looking for a relationship or anything and he’s more focused on his studies and i reassured him like “oh, i’m not looking for a relationship either, i’m just telling you to get it out of the way.”

like genuinely, i didn’t want a relationship, YOU GUYS KNOW ME 💀😭 but yeah, and he goes “you deserve someone a lot better than me anyway,” which made me go ??? wow really?

we ended the conversation on a good note and basically got on with our lives as normal.

two weeks go by and suddenly he’s being so distant towards me?? he was actively speaking on the groupchats we were in and taking to other people but whenever i tried to speak to him ON THE GROUP CHAT, he’d just ignore me and i was thinking ????? ok then, what did i do to him?

it got quite bad to the point where he’d just be openly rude to me and making unsolicited jokes towards me (and other people) so we were all like what the hell???

he also VERY SPECIFICALLY SAID “jahanara is not funny” which tbh idrc about bc a lot of my irls say i’m the least funniest in the group 😭 but my mates were still there to defend me like their lives depend on it (love them fr 😭) and then he goes again, “jahanara is not funny. at all.” IM LIKE DAMN DUDE WHAT DID I DO TO YOU?

of course i ignored it and didn’t say anything because i HATE confrontation so i just left it.

X was close with my friend L, so she asked him why he was being so rude and distant to me and he goes “i didn’t want jahanara liking me because i knew she would end up hurt, so i made it seem like i’m a dickhead,” AND HE THOUGHT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD IDEA 💀💀💀 it was not.

around february 2021, i was getting very very excited for the grammys because i thought bts would win and so i put a poll on my snapchat story that said ‘if bts win a grammy, i will _____’

that gained a lot of traction and people were sending crazy suggestions and one of my close friends was like “you should masturbate” AND I WAS LIKE GIRL???? ARE YOU FR???

and she was dead serious SO AS A JOKE, i added that onto the poll and everyone voted for that option because everyone saw me as the overtly horny virgin for bts that has never touched herself before because she’s scared 😭😭

i think a day before the grammys, everyone on the groupchat was talking about it, even the non-armys in our friend group were so invested in me doing this if bts won 😭 and they were all giving me tips and stuff and suddenly X goes “message me when you do it.”

i didn’t think much of it because my best friend also told me to message her when i do it which was so embarrassing 💀😭

so the grammys start, it’s about 2am march 15th 2020, and i’m sitting there waiting for them to announce who on, and of course, bts lost. i was bummed that they didn’t win but i thought fuck it, let me just do it once and get it over with because im an adult, how have i not done it before?

i send a snap of myself with a thumbs up to my best friend and X and i was like “wish me luck guys” and i was shitting bricks 😭

obviously i didn’t know what to do or how to start, but X responded to my snap straight away and he asked me if i knew what to do and i said no 💀 and i guess he kind of… got me started????

this is so embarrassing but he did actually help me get in the mood, he texted me a bit, yk just telling me how to get started AND I DONT KNOW WHAT CAME OVER MY HEAD BUT I SENT HIM NUDES 😭😭😭😭 LIKE NOT FULL ON FRONTAL NUDES, JUST LIKE…. A TITTY PIC OR TWO. OR THREE (bare in mind, i genuinely thought he was helping me because he liked me back 3 months after i confessed).

like seriously, idk what possessed me to send him nudes, i think i was very h word and gripped onto the fact that he may have actually had feelings for me 😭

he screenshot all of them and he was feeding me with so many compliments and praise and yk pulling the whole “pretty girl” “good girl” thing and that really got me going 😭

OH AND THEN HE PHONED MEEEE AND HE GUIDING ME THROUGH THE PHONEEEE AND THAT DID IT FOR ME that was the first time i actually felt very GENUINELY turned on, LIKE I WAS ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR, THIGHS LITERALLY SHAKINGGGGG AND THROBBING AND I WAS SHOCKED BECAUSE IS THIS HOW ITS SUPPOSED TO FEEL??????

he was also… getting off too, i heard it all so that also blinded me into thinking he had feelings for me too 💀💀💀

he was doing the whole “if i was with you rn, i’d treat you so good” blah blah blah yk? the usual stuff, and i’m pretty sure we were at it for a good 40 minutes before wrapping up because i genuinely couldn’t finish and i hear a lot of women don’t finish often so i figured it was normal.

we said goodnight to each other and ended the call and the next day he sends a message on the groupchat and he goes “how was it, jahanara?” and i didn’t know what to say so i just went “yep, good. very good.” like we were playing this 'lets keep this between ourselves'.

i fully thought he liked me back after that night 😭 bro i was so blind 💀

i ended up telling my best friend because she has no other friends fr she’s my ride or die, so i just told her and the keeping it a secret thing didn’t last because one of X’s friends messaged me asking about it and i was like ….. how do you know?

turned out, X told his friend about it WHICH IMMEDIATELY GOT ME THINKING, OH NO WHAT IF HE SHOWED THE PICS I SENT??? so i messaged him asking him to delete them and he did, with proof, thank god .

everyone ended up finding out about what happened that night so everytime it was mentioned, it was just so awkward between us.

this all happened during the december-march 2021 lockdown we had and the lockdown ended on the 17th so i saw him that day it was so awkward being around him after that, i just knew things would never be the same.

i’d say around may, he started gaining an interest in one of my friends (a very close online friend) let’s call her D after i posted a photo of her on my story.

he kept asking questions about whether she had a boyfriend and stuff and me being me, completely impartial, i told him no, she doesn’t have a boyfriend, and then he wanted to add her on snap so i gave it to him.

i checked in with my friend D and she said she was fine being added by him and she had absolutely no interest in him the way he did AND she knew i liked him so she was never going to pursue anything anyway.

she added him back and X was trying to flirt with her and D thought it was the most embarrassing thing ever trying so hard to win her over.

he spent a good couple weeks chatting her up and begging for photos (nudes, duh) and she didn’t give them so he kind stopped with all the messages.

i knew everything because D was telling me what he was doing and i thought… God wtf? is this who i really like?

a lot of our friends found out about it and confronted him going “why would you go after jahanara’s friend begging for nudes when you know she still likes you?” and he got so much shit for it he took it out on me, again, being rude and making insensitive comments about everything and from there everything just fizzled.

i removed him everywhere, snapchat, instagram, his number, discord etc etc and he did the same apparently i couldn’t care less.

he became this guy that was so hard to talk to without getting attacked for no reason and he started spewing all this shit about what happened on grammys night, and just talking so much bs but me being me, i didn’t say anything about it or confront him about it so i just left it and let everyone else say what they wanted.

throughout 2021/22 everything died down, the groupchat became less active, people were talking a lot less, X was still bitching around me and being rude but whatever. everyone started uni so the groupchat actually died out so now interactions are very scarce.

this whole story pretty much stemmed my dislike towards males and relationships and sexual encounters. i haven’t even ATTEMPTED to be intimiate with myself since march 2020 because i’m always gonna be reminded of him and what he did, telling all his mates about it and what-not.

can’t even bring myself to wear the same pyjamas i wore that night because it makes me feel icky ☹️

but ye, that’s the story in balamory 😁 hope you guys enjoyed 😁👍

bared my titties for someone that wasn’t bangtan, i can’t believe it

[danakin-skywalker]

Survival Instincts (Jake Kiszka Smut)

Warning: NSFW 18+ content, guns, gunplay, fem!dom, choking, cigs

Taglist: @flowervanfleet @weightofdreams-gvf @sierraahhhh @jakekiszska @amourleger @theweightofstardust​ @samkiszkabreakmyback​ @prettyintopeerpressure​ @greta-flanveet​ @fosterkidwiththebrokenjaw​ @the-chaotic-cow​ @ghostly-luck​ @mywaysooon​ @tlexx​ @screechesincoherently​ @garagebandvanfleet​ @gretavanhoney​ and potentially you, just lmk!

Request from @izzys-nose-ring: if requests are open: hate fucking with jake.thats all.

(A/N): Hello gang it’s Saturday night I’m quarantined I’m drinking whiskey and it’s time to write about having sex with Jake Kiszka. Okay, so while I truly love the whole damsel in distress trope, I also love a badass chick who can save herself (and the men, we love some light emasculation). So that’s kind of what inspired this fic. I’m also incorporating this request I got like forever ago that I’ve been dragging my feet on because I personally really don’t understand the appeal of hate fucking. But in this scenario it somehow works for me (if you could really call this hate fucking, I guess Y/N doesn’t really hate him but is more indifferent). Idk. I really don’t support the ownership of guns personally, and I don’t think gunplay is even something I would be into irl, but this idea just wouldn’t get out of my head this week and it’s been a minute since I’ve posted a smut so here you horny fucks go! I hope you enjoy!

***********************************

Survival Instincts

It was just supposed to be a fun night out with the guys, just something to blow off some steam after a long week. It was never supposed to turn into you on your knees for your friends’ snooty brother.

Let’s rewind a bit.

It was a Friday night. You had just gotten off a gruesome shift at work, really a rough week all around, and were looking for some relief. Naturally, you knew just the four boys to call for a fun night.

It wasn’t often that all five of you were in the same city at the same time, given that you were often traveling for work and they too, obviously, travelled for work. You had met the members of Greta Van Fleet entirely on accident when you were working as a bartender at one of their earlier venues. You cracked a few too many jokes with them and suddenly they had taken you under their wing. Well, Josh and Sam mostly.

You had no qualms with Danny of course, but he tended to keep to himself or quietly observe the mania brought on by you, Josh and Sam reuniting.

Jake, on the other hand, was a different story.

You had no idea what you had done to Jake to make him like this, but he always acted like your presence somehow bothered him. You remembered him being nice enough that first night all of you met, but by the time you all actually hung out as a group he had grown cold to you.

You didn’t really mind, though. You had no problem with him yourself, and you got along well enough with everyone else to feel assured that you were wanted, so his low grumbles and eye rolls never really got to you. In fact, sometimes you got a real kick out of him being so bothered by you. He was rarely able to really get a rise out of you, because whenever he said something snarky you had his own two brothers there to shoot something back.

But you never really bothered to question why it was that he seemed to hate you. You were too busy getting pulled into stupid decisions and situations by his brothers.

Anyway, you had a group chat with all four of them and after you sent a text, within no time all four had responded affirmatively (Josh, of course, responding on behalf of both him and Jake).

The bar you guys decided on was pretty close to Josh and Jake’s place, and thus pretty far from your own. Josh offered to come pick you up to pregame at his place before walking over, and you couldn’t refuse the opportunity to leave your car safely in your garage that night.

So there you were, in the shotgun seat of Josh’s truck while he blasted-

“Really Josh? The Hustle? Not another disco phase.”

Josh beamed over at you, bobbing and jerking his head to the beat. “Y/N, The Hustle is timeless and appropriate for any situation.” He declared.

“I’m pretty sure I can think of at least four situations off the top of my head where The Hustle would be completely inappropriate.” You shot back, a smirk gracing your face.

Josh snorted and took a turn, “Was that an innuendo, Y/N? Is this the vibe for the night? Is it a flirt-with-strangers and make-decisions-you’ll-regret-tomorrow night?” His head turned to you briefly, eyebrows raised hopefully.

You rolled your eyes, “Easy there, Tiger. Let’s get a few shots in us first.”

When the two of you pulled up to his and Jake’s shared house, you sighed gently when you considered who else was waiting for you in the house. Or more, dreading you.

But when you opened the front door and waltzed into the familiar kitchen, he was nowhere to be seen. Josh called out his brother’s name and you could hear a faint, muffled response coming from upstairs.

“Be down in a minute!”

“Well, hurry or else you’ll miss shots!” Josh hollered back.

You raised your eyebrows and hummed in response, opening the fridge and reaching for the drawer where Josh kept his citrus. He always had a variety on hand for his margaritas and salty dogs. But before you could take out the bag of limes, Josh closed the door against you, holding a huge bottle of Ketel One that made your eyes widen.

“You want to take vodka shots?” You asked incredulously, as Jake walked into the room and eyed the bottle himself.

“Oh Jesus.” He mumbled.

Josh grinned and turned to grab three shot glasses from the cabinet. “No chasing vodka in this house.” He reminded you, a rule you knew well but always made an effort to object to.

You leaned against the counter, Jake hovering in your peripheral but not moving. “That’s a lame ass rule, might I remind you.”

Josh turns back to the counter you’re leaning on, still beaming at you. “You remind me every time, Y/N. But then you wake up without a hangover and I never hear a thank-you.”

You grabbed the bottle and started filling the glasses. “Yes, Josh, this little bit of juice I’m not having at the beginning of my night is truly gonna be my saving grace tomorrow morning.”

Jake suddenly approached the counter once the third shot glass was filled. “Shut up and drink.” He retorted, generally addressing both of you but obviously more pointed at you.

You fought the urge to roll your eyes as you threw back the shot, grimacing slightly before setting the empty glass back down. Is he gonna be like this all night?

A few more shots later and the three of you were putting on your jackets and heading off into the night. It wasn’t too cold out, thankfully, but it would likely only get colder as the night dragged on.

It was maybe 10pm, the streets between Josh and Jake’s place and the main road where all the bars are was pretty empty, so the stillness of the night was filled by yours and Josh’s chatter as Jake trailed along behind you.

It wasn’t until you stopped to wait at a crosswalk that danger struck.

A man in a neck gaiter whipped around the corner and pressed a pistol to your head. “Empty all your pockets or I paint the sidewalk with her.”

His voice was low but forceful enough to halt all conversation. You slowly turned to look at the twins, who were similarly frozen with fear. Their eyes were all but bulging out of their faces and you could see Josh’s hands shaking.

“Right now! I’ll shoot her and then you next! Empty your fucking pockets… I want the jewelry too.” This stirred the boys into action, hastily reaching around to remove their bracelets, rings and necklaces while you slowly turned back around to look into the eyes of your attacker.

His words hadn’t convinced you like they had the boys. Maybe it was the adrenaline of the crisis situation, maybe it was the straight vodka sitting in your stomach, but you wanted to call this motherfucker’s bluff.

He didn’t want to shoot you. No mugger ever does. That’s a murder charge that’s a lot harder to make disappear than petty theft. Not to mention he’d have to kill all three of you to avoid any witnesses, which would only further complicate things.

You felt the barrel of his gun against your abdomen now, and you tried your best to think back to the self-defense course you took in Girl Scouts as a teen, still not breaking eye contact with your assailant.

As your eyes continued to bore into his, you watched his eyebrows crease a bit in uneasiness. “What the fuck are you doing, I said empty your-“

He moved to shake the gun to make his point, and in that moment of broken stability you used both of your hands to quickly knock the gun out of his, before turning it and raising it to point right at his forehead.

“…pockets…” he finished breathlessly, making Josh and Jake look up from the pile of valuables they were creating on the ground behind you. You heard them gasp but you didn’t risk turning to see the looks on their faces.

But damn, you wanted to.

Instead, you pressed the barrel closer into his head and started walking him back around the corner he emerged from.

He let out a shaky, unconvincing laugh, “You don’t even know how to-“

You cut him off again by reaching your other hand up to cock the gun against his head, making him gulp his last words. “You wanna mess with my friends? You wanna fuck with us right now?” You taunted, honestly feeling a little power drunk.

You allowed the man to take a few cautious steps backwards, feeling Jake and Josh right behind you.

Again, the man tried to regain some power by firing back, “You wouldn’t dare.”

And he was right. Like him, you wouldn’t. But that doesn’t mean he has to know that.

You pointed the gun over his left shoulder and pulled the trigger, letting the bullet whizz right past him into a dumpster at the end of the street.

However, it was enough to startle him into scrambling away, bounding down the street and out of sight.

You took a deep breath and turned around to face the shocked expressions of the Kiszka twins. You reveled in it for a moment before brushing past them. “You’re welcome!”

“How the fuck did you do that?” Josh exclaimed. “Since when can you even fire a gun?”

You shrugged, disarming the gun. “My dad’s into hunting, he made sure I had good survival instincts. This isn’t all that different from some of the stuff he has. Now pick up your shit and let’s get to this damn bar before we attract another.”

You took the gun and it’s bullets and put them in your jacket pocket. Josh was already bent over retrieving his phone, wallet and jewelry, but Jake caught this action and raised an eyebrow. “You’re keeping the gun?”

You looked back up at him and held his gaze. There was something different about his eyes now. They were a little bit darker, looking a little further into you. You tried to brush it off with a small shrug and a wink, “For the next guy.”

If you didn’t know any better, you would’ve thought you saw the beginnings of a smile form on Jake’s face from what you said. But the moment was broken by Josh approaching him with the contents of his pockets he had spilled onto the ground. He hastily shoved it all back in and the three of you were back on your way to the bar.

“You WHAT? At GUNPOINT?!” Sam yelled in disbelief. You had finally made it and ordered a round, having sobered up considerably in your commute. Sam and Danny were slightly annoyed at how long it took you three to get here, but boy did you have an excuse.

You didn’t really feel like rehashing what happened, but luckily for you Josh was absolutely in his element as he walked his other two bandmates through an only slightly exaggerated version of the story.

You couldn’t help but blush at how scary and badass he was making you sound, but you supposed objectively you couldn’t disagree. It was pretty badass and you felt that way. The only thing holding you back from fully relishing in your life-saving credit was the sour look on Jake’s face.

Somehow, between your little moment on the sidewalk and entering the bar, gloom and doom Jake was back. And now you really couldn’t figure out why he was acting like this. You had literally just saved him. Maybe not his life, as Josh was shaping you up to have, but at the very least you had saved him the headache of freezing all his accounts, calling the DMV for a new license, and buying and setting up a new iPhone.

Was he embarrassed that he had submitted immediately while the only girl in the group was the one with the balls to challenge your attacker? You didn’t have him pegged to be that shallow (or insecure) but you also never knew what was going on behind those dark eyes of his. You supposed it was possible.

As you finished your first drink, you found your heart still thumping wildly with adrenaline. You turned to the middle of the table. “Can I bum a cig?”

Sam turned around to reach into his jacket pocket, but Jake slid out of his chair completely before he could. “I got you, I need one too.” His eyes met yours and you paused for a moment, holding his gaze and letting yourself get lost in it for a moment.

You were shaken out of your trance by Danny chuckling and saying, “Yeah I fucking bet, I’d need one too after all that shit.”

Josh leaned against the booth side of the table, holding his vape in his hand. “Enjoy the cold, losers.” He jeered before taking a hit and leaning down to blow it under the table, in effort to avoid being caught.

You stuck your tongue out at him as you pulled your jacket on and headed for the bar’s back patio behind Jake.

You closed the back door behind you as Jake lit his cigarette. You turned to face him and felt another cigarette softly hit your face before landing on your shoe. You looked down at it and glared up at Jake before bending down to retrieve it.

“Real nice, Jake. After all I saved you from tonight.” You gloated, ripping the lighter from his hands and igniting the end of your cigarette.

Jake scoffed and turned away from you, “Oh, you’re just eating this up aren’t you?” He murmured.

You stepped closer, “What was that? Would you rather I have let him take all your shit before scaring him off?”

Jake rolled his eyes as he exhaled a cloud of smoke, “Oh my GOD, you’re not a superhero for distracting a guy long enough to take his gun. Any one of us could’ve done what you did, you’re just the only one reckless enough to take a risk that big.”

This caught your attention. It also miffed you a bit, but you wanted to keep with the night’s new theme and call his bluff. You wedged your half-smoked cigarette into the corner of your mouth as you started rifling through your pockets. “Oh yeah, Jake? Any one of you?”

Your hands finally fell onto the handle of the stranger’s pistol. When Jake opened his mouth to respond, you whipped it out and pressed the barrel against his chest, allowing any words he was gonna speak to die in his throat.

“Disarm me right now then.”

Jake’s eyes widened and his head darted around, only to find nobody in the general vicinity. “Y/N, stop fucking around with that thing.”

You tilted your head and stepped closer to Jake, faces now only a few inches apart. “What? Scared of the gun? Having some second thoughts, Jake?”

You batted your eyes and gave a sympathetic pout that dripped in sarcasm. You watched Jake’s unreadable expression as gears shifted in his head, meanwhile you slowly dragged the gun up and down the bare sliver of his chest, waiting for him to make a move.

But the move he made wasn’t the one you expected, as he reached an arm up to throw his cigarette butt on the ground and pull your face toward him, slotting his lips against yours.

You gasped into his mouth, your own cigarette falling from your lips, before reciprocating. You had never really allowed yourself to consider Jake in a sexual light, partly because you’re so close to his brothers but also because of his typical behavior around you. It’s not like you didn’t find him sexually appealing, it was more that you would never admit it or act on it.

But you still didn’t allow yourself to fully relax into the kiss, not following the conversation that caused it.

And surely enough, after about a minute you felt Jake’s hands dart over to yours that was holding the gun. But he was too slow, you ripped your hand up from his chest and pressed the gun harshly against his throat.

You felt your eyebrows raise as Jake moaned into your mouth. You took the opportunity to allow your tongue to mingle with his, wrestling in his mouth for dominance. His hands moved from where they rested near his chest after their futile attempt, and instead wrapped them around your waist to pull you closer into him.

You eventually had to pull back for a breath, but Jake darted over to your neck to press kisses onto there, hands gripping your hips tightly to press you against him. You allowed your free hand to weave into his hair, your other hand rested on his chest, gun still pointing upward at his jugular. You could feel him getting excited as his crotch pressed against your thigh, and you felt your own heat pooling between your thighs at the thought.

Deciding to keep being bold, you retrieved your hand from his tresses and trailed them down his side before reaching down and cupping your hand right over the growing bulge in his pants.

Jake let out a heavy breath from his nose and bit down on the part of your neck he was suckling in response. You grinned to yourself. “Hmmmm, maybe I was wrong. Maybe you do like the gun after all, you little freak. You’re into it, aren’t you?”

Jake pulled back to look at you warily. His lips were slightly swollen and his face was flushed. He honestly looked ravishing. But he hadn’t answered your question. So, you readjusted your grip on the gun’s handle and pressed the barrel up against the underside of his chin.

“Don’t make me ask again, Jake.” You said softly, brushing your lips against his teasingly.

His mouth fell open and he sighed into yours, his hands rising a bit from your hips to brush under your jacket. “Yes.” He breathed out.

With that, his lips were back on yours. His fingertips danced along the hem of your shirt under your jacket as you took a moment to consider how you wanted to proceed.

And whether Jake really deserved the decision you landed on.

After a few more moments of deliberation, you took a step away from Jake and his grip on you, and pressed the gun right to his forehead, making his eyes widen once more.

“So what do you think I should do next Jake? Blow your brains out?”

He let a smirk grace his face for a moment, before it was knocked clean off by you sinking to your knees, taking the gun with you to rest just below his belly button.

“Or blow your brains out?”

Jake bit his lip at the sight of you below him, as well as the feeling of the metal brushing against his midsection. When he didn’t answer, you pressed the gun further into his stomach.

“Th-the latter, please!”

You let out a dark chuckle at the urgency in his voice, as your free hand reached up to rub him over his jeans once more. “Mmmm, good choice. Looks like you’ve got some survival instincts of your own, there.”

You flashed a shit-eating grin up at Jake as you unbuttoned his fly. Jake wasn’t looking though, his head was resting against the wall at the sensation.

“God, shut up” He groaned.

Once again, you pressed the gun into his side as you leaned back on your heels, away from his undone pants. “What was that?” You snapped.

His eyes flashed open and he looked down, “Nothing! Nothing, please don’t stop. If you wanna.”

You smirked up at him before leaning forward to return to his crotch. “Very polite tonight. Couldn’t have anything to do with the gun pressed against your stomach, would it? You know that’s still a fatal wound, your stomach acid would fuck all your shit up.” You mumbled as you reached your hand under his boxers to pull out his pulsating dick.

Your eyes widened at the sight and Jake let out a groan. You ran your fingertips up and down his length and watched him throb in response. “For such an asshole, you’re quite the specimen, Jake” You said honestly.

“Thanks” he breathed out, eyes closed again in anticipation.

You let your hands rest at his base as you leaned forward to kitten lick at his tip, making him shudder. You never expected Jake to be so responsive, or so submissive. Sure, you were literally holding him at gunpoint, but not seriously. He had watched you take the bullets out not even an hour ago. Had you been overlooking a key possibility in your curiosity over Jake’s attitude? Was it lust this whole time?

It sure seemed like it was, as Jake reached down to weave his fingers into your hair when you finally took him fully in your mouth, hollowing your cheeks to take almost all of him before resurfacing.

Your hand glided quickly up and down his dick, now slick with your spit, as you allowed yourself to steal a glance up at him.

He was already looking down at you, eyes wide and pupils dilated so big you could hardly see the brown tones that usually graced his eyes. You held his eye contact as you opened your mouth and slid his cock back in, watching his face contort with pleasure. “Fuck, just like that.”

You hummed affirmatively against him and he gasped at the sensation, hands gripping your hair tighter.

Unfortunately, your scalp was your Achilles Heel, and you moaned loudly around his dick in response, core clenching at the action. The heightened feeling made Jake buck his hips into you, bottoming your throat out on his dick until you gagged. You used the gun to push him all the way back, looking up at him with knit brows.

“Oh absolutely not, Kiszka.”

Jake’s eyes widened and he let out a little whimper as you rose to your feet, allowing the gun to rediscover his Adam’s Apple. “That wasn’t very polite, now was it?”

He wordlessly shook his head, trying to gauge your next move. You leaned over to kiss under his ear before biting down on his earlobe. “How about you think of a way to make it up to me?” You breathed into his ear, smiling to yourself at the goosebumps you watched rise on his neck.

His hands rediscovered your hemline, this time delving further south as his fingers lazily undid your belt. You couldn’t help the giddiness in your chest as his fingers approached where you needed him most, but he was taking entirely too long. “Hey.” You got his attention again by poking him lightly on his pulse point with the gun. “We don’t have all night. This is already the world’s longest smoke break to the rest of your band.”

Jake’s eyes widened in realization at your words, as if he temporarily forgot the context of this situation. “Right. Yeah. Sorry.” He murmured as he made quick work of your belt and the fly of your jeans. In that moment, your empathy started to come through. You realized what you were doing in that moment- basically forcing Jake to get you off. He was clearly into the gun, but that didn’t necessarily mean he was into you.

All of a sudden, you dropped your hand that was holding the gun and stepped back, “Actually, you don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

Jake’s head whipped up to yours, brows knit with confusion. “What?”

You shrugged, “I mean I sucked your dick because I wanted to and because I felt you were hard, but you don’t have to do anything for me if you don’t want to, or if you’re doing it just because of the gun. You know what, let’s just go back inside.”

Jake’s brows only furrowed deeper as he watched you completely talk yourself out of this scenario. You went to walk back inside but his hand grasped for yours, making you drop the gun on the ground. With a swift motion, he yanked you back to him and enveloped you in a kiss. Both of his hands reached up to cradle your face as he held you in place before pulling away.

“Don’t you dare pussy out on me now, Y/N. I don’t take without giving.” He spoke firmly against your lips, as one of his hands trailed down your front, between the valley of your breasts, to slide into your undone pants.

Your mouth dropped open as his fingers made contact with your wetness. And boy, was it wetness. “Damn,” he breathed against you, reveling in the sensation just as much as you were as the pad of his finger found your clit.

You jumped slightly and your hands found a new home on his shoulders, gripping tightly. His hands moved quickly against you, and you were so wet you could hear the sinful noises from under two layers of fabric. You leaned forward and took Jake’s bottom lip between your own, training your eyes on his as your pupils dilated with pleasure.

Jake greeted you with another kiss, this one messier than any of the others. Teeth were clashing and both of your mouths were slick with anticipation. You had somehow replaced the adrenaline from your commute with a new, much more thrilling excitement. One you had never even had the opportunity to consider because it never seemed like an option.

It was intoxicating. It made you feel unstoppable. So, you couldn’t help but seek out more of the dominance you lost when you dropped the gun on the ground. Instead, you reached to wrap your hand around Jake’s windpipe, listening for the low vocalization coming from the back of his throat that confirmed he welcomed the feeling.

He pressed his forehead against yours as he dipped a finger inside of you, pulling you closer and bending his knee so that you could rest on him. You couldn’t help but grind your hips up to meet his motions now that you had his thigh to rest your weight on.

Jake let out a breath. “You’re such a dirty girl.”

You flashed him a small smile. “And you’re one kinky motherfucker, Jake.” You responded.

This made Jake grin. You don’t know if you’ve ever seen him smile so widely and genuinely at you before, but it made your heart flutter. And your core clench around his fingers.

His smile fell into a slackened jaw. “Oh, fuck you’re so tight. Can I, would it be okay if I-“

Your hand fell from his neck to tug him harshly by the collar of his shirt, pulling him nose to nose with you. “Bend me over the railing and fuck the shit out of me Jake. Right now.”

He didn’t take long at all to oblige. You turned around and crossed the patio, feeling Jake hot on your heels. As soon as you reached the railing you felt a hand press down on your back, and another pulling down the back of your jeans.

He granted himself a moment to run his fingers along the swell of your ass before tapping his dick against your ass cheek a few times. “You ready?” He asked.

You turned your head to peek at him from over your shoulder as you pressed your ass further into him, even wiggling it a bit. “You better fuck me like you mean it, Jake.”

Jake’s eyes ever-so-slightly rolled back into his head as he lined himself up with you. “Anything you want, Y/N.” He groaned as he pressed into your core.

You both gasped as he filled you up to the brim, but given how ready you both were (and how increasingly likely it was that Sam might step out for a smoke break of his own soon) Jake didn’t waste any time setting a firm rhythm thrusting into you.

Your hands gripped the railing so tightly you’re sure your knuckles were white. The pressure from the railing hit just below your belly button so that every time Jake jostled you forward, your g-spot was manually pressed against his dick. And it felt delicious.

“That’s it, Jake. Fuck me harder. Just like that.” You whined, pressing yourself further against the railing as Jake rammed into you.

Your head was bobbing down looking at the ground until suddenly you felt Jake wrap his fingers around your tresses and yank your head up, forcing you to look straight ahead. Your mouth fell open and a whimper escaped your lips.

“You like that?” He grunted. You tried to make a mental note to give him props for remembering what elicited a response for you, but you were too busy with the blinding pleasure he was giving you.

“Fuck yeah, you’re gonna make me come.” You moaned back, reaching a finger down your front to play with your swollen bud.

“I don’t have much longer either. Fuck, you’re so sexy like this.” Jake managed out. If you weren’t so distracted by your oncoming orgasm, you might have blushed.

But alas, just a few more backbreaking thrusts from Jake and a few more twists of your fingers and you were coming hard onto his dick. You let out what could only be described as a wail into the night, praying to any god out there that the music inside was loud enough to drown it out because you don’t think you could stifle it if you tried.

Jake followed soon after at the feeling of you clenching and fluttering around him, pulling out at the last possible moment to jack himself off over the railing.

You both took a second to catch your breath and collect yourself, leaning over the railing and hoisting yourselves up by your elbows. Jake pulled his pants up and you did the same, for the first time recognizing the chill of the evening air.

Realization washed over you. You just had kinky-ass sex with the man you thought despised you. He even made you come. You couldn’t hold back the chuckle as it escaped your lips, catching Jake’s attention.

“What?”

You could only smile and turn to face him, pushing yourself off from the railing, “We could’ve been having crazy hot sex this whole time but you just had to be a sourpuss.”

Jake’s mouth dropped open indignantly. “Okay first of all, I was trying to get with you from the start. It’s not my fault you took such a goddamn shine to my brothers.”

Ding ding ding. We have an answer.

You tilted your head at him, this time in real sympathy, and put your hand on his shoulder. “Well, I’ll tell you what. I’m probably crashing at your place tonight since I came here with you two. Maybe we can make up for some lost time.” You offered him one more raise of your eyebrows before patting his chest and walking back over to the back entrance.

You thanked your lucky stars at your timing when you saw Sam approaching as you walked in, “There you are, I was beginning to think you shot and killed Jake out there. I know you two don’t get along so well but now you have a gun so anything’s possible.”

You laughed off his joke as he brushed past you for the patio door, freezing when he yelled back, “Okay, can you at least pretend to be responsible with this weapon? Why is it just on the ground?”

Your eyes widened to nobody in particular as you made your way back to the table where Danny and Josh were. Jake could take that hit for you.