#I’ve got my family there they’ll comfort me yk | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

kimvvantae · 5 years ago

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everlasting • jjk

➜ being able to love the same person forever is a blessing given from the heavens. to you, however, eternity has become a curse.

pairing: jungkook x (f) reader

genre: angst • reincarnation au

warnings: a slight, non-explicit insinuation of sex. subtle mentions of violence. probably historical inaccuracy. also, suffering. lots of suffering, actually.

word count: 18k

rating: pg-13

anon requested: a jungguk fic where him and the reader never work out in any life time like they’ll be “maybe we’ll be together in the next life time” yk I don’t know if I’m making sense 🥺 but then in the last one they end up being together.

➜ this is part of the 1st anniversary event. check out masterlist in bio for more of my works!

× 1401 ×

"You look absolutely lovely!" your mother chirps happily, clapping her hands together. "The most beautiful bride I've ever seen!"

All of the maids agree, making comments on the dress you wear. Some of them are kneeled down around you, making adjustments on the dress and veil. You look at your reflection, holding the delicate fabric with care. You can't disagree with them; indeed, the dress is beautiful.

"Put a smile on this face, darling." Your mother continues, coming closer to where you stand. She caresses your cheek affectionately. "It is your wedding day!"

You look at your mother. She smiles widely. If someone that doesn't know her looked at this situation, they'd think she's a caring mother.

But you do know her.

You know the expertly crafted smile that adorns her lips.

You know that there is no happiness at all reflected on her eyes - only the coldness and superiority you're already used to.

You see that what she said was actually a warning. At least pretend to be happy. Don't you disrespect your fiance.

That's all she cares about: appearances. Reputation. Wealth and power. Even though this is the woman that brought you to life, you can't help but wonder if she has ever cared for you at least once.

You say nothing and look back at your reflection.

"May you all leave me alone?" You ask in a low and dead tone. It doesn't even sound like you.

The maids promptly move out of the room without muttering a word, bowing respectfully before leaving. Your mother, however, doesn't move.

"I said may you all leave me alone?" You repeat, your voice louder and harder. Now that you're alone with her, the façade fades and she finally shows her true self: dead eyes, an expression that somehow always conveys aggressiveness. She opens her mouth to say something that will probably hurt your feelings, but you don't let her even start the sentence. You had enough of her. "You already got what you wanted, mother. At least leave me by myself in my last moments of freedom."

The woman glares at you for a moment, then nods. You see the faint shadow of a smirk on her lips. She's enjoying this. She likes to see that you finally bent to her will after all these years - and she doesn't care that this is killing you inside. "Very well." she says, at least once keeping any snarky comment to herself. After giving one last look at you - and in this quick moment you notice that no, she actually does not think you're the most beautiful bride she has ever seen - and finally leaves the room.

You stand in front of the mirror, all alone.

If you could, you would have cried. But you don't have enough strength to cry anymore. The tears seem to have dried out; you feel empty and cold on the inside. The beautiful (and uncomfortable) attire you wear now does not match your blank expression.

In a few minutes, you'll be attending your own wedding… but deep down, it feels like a funeral.

You feel powerless. You see how gullible you were. Why did you even think you could avoid your fate anyway? There has never been an option to you; there has never been how to escape. You were foolish. You dreamed too high. You should have figured that dreams never take anyone anywhere.

You asked your mother to enjoy your last moments of freedom by yourself, but… you were never really free. The shackles of destiny have chained you ever since you were born.

There is no escape.

"You look beautiful, Highness."

You freeze. The sad, quiet voice floats to your ears, the voice that belongs to the person you love the most-

"Jungkook," you whisper.

You see his reflection in the mirror. He stands by the door, perfect posture as always, hands behind his back. His blank expression might be mistaken by apathy, but you know these dark eyes far too well. You've seen them from up close multiple times, you've stared at them for seemingly endless hours - eyes that used to look back at you with nothing but gentleness and affection, now hold a type of sadness and grief you have never seen before.

"Your father asked me to accompany you," he continues on his usual formal tone. He's visibly trying so hard not to break…

You turn around and face him. The tears that seemed to have dried out come back, welling up your eyes. "I'm sorry." It's all you can say in a weak, small voice. You feel sorry in a way that hurts your chest as if you've been stabbed right in the heart. The sadness in his eyes… this is enough to make you want to die. "I-I tried everything…"

"There's nothing to apologize for, Y/N." Jungkook says with a soft voice - the tone he'd use whenever you were finally alone and away from any suspicious ears, when you could love each other in the silence of the night, your secret being kept by the stars above. The smallest of smiles adorns his lips, but there's no happiness reflected in it. "We knew this would happen someday. We were never meant to be."

His words almost feels like physical pain. You step closer and put your hands over his chest, desperate. "But I love you!" You whisper, your voice breaking as tears start to fall.

Jungkook lifts his hand and touches your cheek gently, wiping your tears with his thumb. You mean it with the bottom of your heart. You love Jungkook. You love him with every fiber of your being. You silently curse the Universe for making you walk this path, for making you be born a princess and making Jungkook be a knight. No one would never let you be together the way you want to. No one around you even believes in love.

"I love you too," he whispers back. "And I always will."

A small smile once again appears on his lips. The smile he usually shows when he wants to comfort you.

This time, though, nothing in the world will be able to comfort your bleeding heart.

"Maybe… maybe we'll meet in our next life. A life when we'll be in different circumstances." Even though Jungkook himself says these words, you see that it's just a sad hope - because right now, there's no way out. All that exists is pain and a dark future ahead of you, married with a prince you have never seen, a man you don't love and never will.

Still, you and Jungkook hold onto this hope - this last shared dream - tightly.

"Maybe we'll be together in our next life." He says as a single tear trickles down his cheek.

× 1642 ×

Life in the convent is good.

Ever since you decided to willingly dedicate your life to God, you see nothing but light and happiness. All of the nuns became your family. Every day, you pray for the Lord, plead that He will forgive your sins, read the Holy Scriptures. You feed the animals, take care of the plantation. You help your sisters on the kitchen; later on, you'd usually distribute food for the poor and unfortunate.

The routine is repetitive, but familiar and enjoyable. You love your sisters. You love to help people. You love to serve the Lord. This is the life He chose for you.

You are blessed.

But…

Recently, there is a feeling that has been distracting you from your life of serving.

Not a feeling… a person.

You have prayed for endless nights, pleading for God to forgive you, pleading for Virgin Mary's help and guidance. You should eradicate this feeling. You must have no distractions on your life of serving and humility; you must not betray the trust that the Lord has on you…

But every time you hear his suave voice, every time you see him entering the convent, your heart still beats fast.

Usually, men are not allowed inside the convent. But he is not just any man. The young priest started to come two years ago to lead the mass, and ever since, you started developing this wrong feeling. You started to look at him far too much. You saw his kindness, you admired his wisdom. Soon, you realized that you were hoping for his arrivals. You and him barely even talked, but when you did, it always felt as if you were swept off your feet.

This is wrong.

You swore to live a life of abnegation. You shouldn't crave for anyone's company except God's. But every night, before you closed your eyes, his face came to your mind. You felt happy at any opportunity to talk to him; sometimes, you'd watch him from afar as he talked to the mother superior, your heart fluttering every time he'd smile.

This is unforgivable.

But you can't help it.

That's why one day in the early morning, so early that almost all of the sisters are still asleep, you walk alone to the chapel.

You know he is here; that's why your heart starts beating faster. Quietly, you enter the small booth and kneel down, put your hands together and lower your head respectfully.

"Bless me, priest, for I have sinned." you start timidly.

You hear him saying a prayer, what makes a shiver run down your spine. You can't see him, and he can't see you - and you're grateful for it. You wouldn't be able to look at him for too long.

After he finishes, it's your time to confess. It's hard to do so. You intertwine your own fingers and gulp.

"I… I am behaving inappropriately, priest." Your voice is fragile. Hesitant.

"What makes you think this, sister?" He asks.

You gulp yet again. "I… I developed feelings for someone. I know it's wrong. I have been asking for God's help, I have been trying to forget it… but this feeling won't go away."

The priest stays silent for a moment. Does he know you're talking about him? No, that's impossible…

"You've taken the first step, sister." He says in a reassuring way. "You have been doing your best to avoid these feelings. God for sure will listen to you and help you. He knows you're trying."

You nod, even though you know he can't see it. You should stop it right here. You should thank him and leave.

But you can't.

That's why you keep talking.

"But, priest… deep down, I don't think that my feelings are impure. I… I don't have any carnal feelings for him. I admire him and I crave for his company. I just wish to talk to him and… and to hear him. I just want to be with him."

The priest falls in deep silence.

He's the only man you ever keep in touch with. He knows that you're talking about him.

When you hear him calling your name softly, your eyes widen.

"I understand how you feel." He whispers, and suddenly, it feels as if he is confessing, not you. Your heart beats so fast that you're scared it may stop; your palms start sweating. What does he mean…? "I really do. But… both of us chose this life. We can't go back on our word."

You almost gasp. The priest not only understands - he feels the same. You can't even control your own emotions right now; you feel euphoria, confusion, excitement, and-

And sadness.

Because you know that you shouldn't be feeling what you feel. This is forbidden for you - and the priest is right. You chose it. You decided to live this life.

You can't go back on your word.

"I understand." You say quietly, unable to hide the sadness and guilt in your voice.

He doesn't say anything for a long moment. You can't help but feel the tears trickling down your cheeks. This hurts. It hurts more than you ever thought it would.

"Maybe…" the priest whispers, so quiet that you can barely hear. "Maybe if we had another life… this would be possible."

You nod sadly.

Maybe in another life…

In a life that you wouldn't be you and him wouldn't be him.

× 1803 ×

"He's looking at you," your younger sister says, giggling.

Your eyes widen and you immediately pass your hand through your hair discreetly, trying to look less like a scarecrow. "Are you sure?"

"Yes, he is. He has been staring for quite a long time." She confirms, still smirking in a knowing way.

You gulp and try to focus on your current task again - which is wash the clothes, kneeled next to the flowing river. Your own clothes are barely dirty rags, your hair is probably a mess. You look nothing like a respectable lady.

What is he doing here anyway?

You shake your head. "I don't care," you lie to yourself, scrubbing the white sheet against a rock with more strength than you should. "He is an odd man. An odd man that does odd things."

"You like him."

"I don't!" You gasp when you realize that, perhaps, you said this way too loud. "I don't." You repeat with a controlled voice this time. "He is our boss. We shouldn't even think anything like this about him."

"Why not? He's handsome!" She exclaims. "He's the most handsome man in the entire town! Besides, he stares at you way too much."

"Stop it." You warn your annoying younger sister. "You know very well that people like him and people like us don't get involved."

People like Jeon Jungkook are rich. They can afford the most expensive types of fabric, the most gracious and strong horses, the most exotic types of tea. The Jeon family owns the small town you live in. His father is part of the government - which means he is the law itself. Everybody respects the Jeons… well, everybody fear the Jeons.

Meanwhile, people like you work for people like him. You and your family live in a small house inside the Jeon's enormous farm; you, your siblings and your mother work as maids and cooks, while your father and your brothers take care of the animals. All of your clothes are reused and you have never tasted anything other than cheap tea. You don't ride any pure race horse because Master Jeon doesn't like the idea of his unworthy servants touching any of his awarded animals.

Yes, people like you and him definitely don't get involved.

That's why you are mad at yourself. You shouldn't feel nervous whenever Jungkook is around. Sure, he is handsome… maybe way too handsome for his own good. But he is nothing but a petty rich boy. He's exactly the type of man you should avoid.

"You're getting quite old, aren't you, sister?" The annoying girl continues, side eyeing you maliciously. "You should be searching for a husband already. Otherwise, soon no man will want you."

You don't say anything for a few seconds, still scrubbing that sheet as if the poor piece of fabric had cursed you. Your sister is somehow right. Most of your friends are already married - some of them are pregnant. You know you should hurry and start a family. It's not as if you want to be single forever.

But… you also don't want to marry any man. As foolish as it sounds, you're still waiting for someone to love.

Your mother says that you dream too much. You should stop reading those books and come back to reality, she said. You will not be young and beautiful forever. You should give Seokjin a chance. He is a good man, has a decent job and already showed interest in you.

Most of your friends told you the same.

But you heart does not flutter when you see Seokjin.

At least not the way it does when…

Stop.

You shake your head vehemently. "You should stop talking and start working," you say, throwing another wet sheet on the girl aggressively. She gasps and complains a "hey!"

You take the soap bar and start washing another sheet, still shaking your head as if to free yourself from these thoughts.

But you can't help but lift your gaze for a quick moment.

Jungkook is standing there, caressing his horse's head. His eyes are not on the animal, but on you instead. He's way too far, so you can't see the details of his face, but he clearly has a small smile on his lips.

A smirk.

He didn't possibly hear your conversation with your sister, right? That's impossible. He's too far.

The young man shakes his head slightly and finally starts to guide the horse away by the reins, heading to the stables.

It takes a long time for your heart to beat at a normal pace again.

You wonder how is it possible that such a small family can dirty so many clothes.

The Jeon family isn't that big, but every week you're gifted with a ton of clothes to wash. And they're not just any clothes: Mrs. Jeon already made very clear that all of their clothes are made of the finest and richest types of fabric, and because of this, you had to be extremely careful when washing them. She also likes to point out how a single dress of hers or of her daughter is far more expensive than you'll ever be able to pay. This is enough of a warning for you to not damage them (even though sometimes you really want to).

Washing the clothes isn't an easy task: you have to carry all of them in a basket to the river, and the process of scrubbing them against the rock is tiring and may take several hours. Many times, you're forced to sit under the scorching sun. After this, you have to carry them back, put them to dry on the sun, and then iron them to perfection - what, again, isn't an easy task; the iron is heavy and it is quite dangerous to use. The scar on your hand is a painful reminder of this. You have to repeat this process every week, just because your dear bosses can't wear the same dress twice - which doesn't even make sense. You have exactly three dresses, some skirts and some shirts. Even though your job gets you dirty all the time, you do your best to stay clean as much as possible.

If those bitches had to wash their clothes themselves, I'm sure they wouldn't wear so many.

Today, though, you're having more work than usual. None of your sisters or your mom could help you (usually, this is too tough to be done by one person); the Jeons will be holding a birthday party for their son, which means they were too busy cleaning the gigantic house to help you. You got up earlier than usual and came to the river, knowing that the sooner you'd start, the sooner you'd finish.

You completely lost sight of time, too focused on washing all the items from the basket. You have to stop from time to time to let your arms rest. You're sure that, soon, your biceps will be more muscular than your older brother's. You exhale heavily and wipe the sweat from your forehead with the back of your hand; at least, this is the last skirt.

That's when you hear a soft cough somewhere near.

You turn your head and gasp.

He is standing there. Way closer than the usual.

You immediately avoid his gaze.

"Mr. Jeon," you say. "You scared me."

"I apologize." Jungkook says, smiling. It's annoying how he always has this smile on his lips. It's annoying how he always looks handsome, it doesn't matter what he's wearing.

It's annoying how your heart starts beating faster and you feel a heat creeping on your neck.

"Did you need something, sir?" You ask, grabbing the skirt you've been scrubbing for the past few minutes. You try your hardest to pretend you're not affected by his presence. "Unfortunately, I can't help you now, but I'm sure that my mother and my sisters can."

"No, I don't need anything," he says, shaking his hands dismissively. "I'm just watching you." He tilts his head. "It seems like a tiring work."

You try your hardest not to roll your eyes. You bet, idiot. "It sure is a tiring work, sir."

"Oh, there's no need to call me 'sir'. You can call me Jungkook." His voice sounds annoyingly lighthearted.

"I can't. It would be inappropriate, sir." You reply, focusing your gaze on your hands as you pass more soap on the skirt, trying not to think about how he's annoyingly close.

"Why?" He asks as if he doesn't already know why.

"You're my boss, sir. That's why I call you sir, sir."

This time, you weren't able to hide the aggressiveness in your voice.

Jungkook frowns. At least he realized how his presence is unwanted… and he looks confused. As if he had never met a woman that didn't fawn over him.

Well… he probably didn't.

You start to scrub the skirt again, completely ignoring his existence. With the corner of your eye, you can see Jungkook shifting uncomfortably. He's definitely not used to be ignored.

You have to learn one thing or two, rich boy.

After rinsing and wringing the skirt tightly, you sigh in relief. At least this is done. You put it back on the basket and get up, ready to walk back to where the clotheslines are.

"Oh, wait," you hear Jungkook exclaiming. Your heart almost stops beating when he rushes to your side. "This looks heavy. Let me help you."

"No!" You blink, realizing that perhaps you were a little too rude. "I mean- this is not necessary, sir. I can carry it by myself."

"I can't see a lady carrying so much weight and do nothing. Please, let me help."

You hate that smile. God, you hate it.

When he extends his arms, ready to grab the basket from your hands, you step away and look at him with worry and seriousness on your features.

"Sir, please. If your mother sees you helping me, she will not like it."

Jungkook stares at you with confusion.

Are you stupid?, you feel the urge to ask. Doesn't he know his own mother?

"She won't do anything, Y/N." Your eyes widen. You didn't know that Jungkook knew your name. "I can deal with her. Now, please, let me carry this. I just want to be polite."

You stare at him for a few seconds. Well, at least it seems that he really wants to help. You sigh, giving in, and nod. "Very well," you say.

He smiles again. He really has a mesmerizing smile.

When Jungkook takes the basket, he frowns and looks surprised. "This is heavier than I expected."

You asked for it!

You start walking side by side in an uncomfortable silence. You're sure that Jungkook thought you'd be happy or pleased, and he looks confused that you're clearly not. You don't want to be close to him. You don't want to see him smiling and trying to be polite. You don't want to feel your stomach twirling in excitement just because he's close or because he knows your name.

"Do you carry all this by yourself every time?" Jungkook asks at some point.

"I usually have my sisters' help. Sometimes we carry three or four baskets."

Jungkook lifts his eyebrows. Surprised? Can you tell your mother and sister to stop being dirty pigs that give us so much work, then?

Silence reigns above you again. It's painful. This farm is enormous, so it'll take some minutes of walking to arrive there. You don't think you'll be able to bear this.

"Actually," Jungkook starts all of sudden, sounding quiet and… hesitant. "I want to invite you to my birthday party tomorrow. I'd be really glad if you came."

He looks at you and smiles timidly.

This time, you can't hold back a huff.

Jungkook looks confused again.

"Are you serious?" You also forget to be polite.

"Of course I'm serious."

You smirk, but there's no hint of happiness on your smile. Your eyes look so mad that Jungkook is taken aback.

"Thank you for the invitation, sir," you say as you take the basket from his hands forcefully. "but servants are not allowed to attend parties."

You walk away at a fast pace. Jungkook at least has the decency to not follow you.

What is he thinking?!

His mother would kill you if she saw you there. You have no dress for such occasion; you'd be a joke. Imagine, you - a servant in a party where only the high society of this town would attend!

It's so ridiculous that you get mad.

You know what Jungkook wanted with this. You may be a dreamer, but you're not stupid. Men like him are used to seduce poor girls just for fun; they fool them, make them think that they love them, make them think that they're princes and that they came to give those girls a better life. But it all ends when they have enough of them or when they find a rich girl to marry. It's not as if he had any type of true interest in you.

You're angry and sad.

People like you and people like Jungkook are not meant to be.

Two weeks have passed by when you meet him again.

As usual, you're kneeled down by the river, scrubbing a sheet against the surface of the rock. Since today there are less clothes to wash than the usual, you decided to come by yourself. As it always seems to happen, you got too immersed in your task to pay attention to your surroundings. This time, though, you have a reason to be so inattentive.

Your friends told you that Seokjin is planning to propose to you.

Seokjin is a good man. It seems that he genuinely cares about you. He's also very good-looking and polite. Any other woman would be happy to marry him.

But you don't want to marry someone just because of their looks.

At the same time, if you don't get married soon, you'll get a bad reputation.

What to do? You have no idea. Perhaps you should forget your own dreams and start listening to your mother…

"Good afternoon."

You gasp, startled, and the soap bar almost slips from your hands.

It's Jungkook again.

"Why must you always be so sneaky, sir?" You say, putting your hand over your chest.

Jungkook doesn't say anything - he just looks at you and the clothes instead, eyebrows furrowed. Were you really so inattentive or is Jungkook this silent?

He then pushes the sleeves of his shirt and kneels down by your side.

You widen your eyes as you see him taking one sheet from the basket.

"W-What are you doing?" You're frozen in place.

"I'm helping." He takes the soap bar from your hands. When his fingers touches yours, you shiver.

"Sir- there's no need-"

"I want to."

"What if someone sees you?!"

Jungkook looks around. "There's nobody here. I doubt that someone will come."

You stare at him, jaw dropped, as Jungkook passes soap on the sheet. You notice he's trying to imitate your movements - except he's being much more aggressive.

You come back to your senses. "No. Stop!"

You put your hand over his, making him stop.

Your eyes meet.

You feel goosebumps.

"I-If you keep scrubbing like this, you'll end up ripping it off," you stutter, taking your hand off of his. "Don't put so much strength. Be more gentle."

Jungkook nods. You watch, too shocked to say anything, as he does what you said.

Silence falls over you two - but it's not an uncomfortable silence this time. You still can't tell exactly what's happening. For a while, you two just keep scrubbing clothes, the sound of the flowing river reigning.

Until you can't hold back a giggle.

"What?" He immediately asks. You shake your head, avoiding his gaze.

"I never thought I'd see a man washing clothes, sir." You admit. "It's quite interesting."

Jungkook shrugs. "I just didn't want to see you doing all this by yourself." He has to stop for a moment and take a deep breath - way sooner than you usually do. "This is more tiring than I thought it would be."

You giggle again. "Now, imagine doing this more than once per week, sir."

He frowns his eyebrows. After more scrubbing, he lifts the sheet with both hands and looks at you. Your stomach jumps in a funny way. His eyes are big and round in an innocent expression. "Is it clean now?"

"Not even close."

Jungkook exhales and tilts his head in an adorable way. Why everything he does makes your heart flutter like this?

"Let's work more, then." He says, taking the soap bar again.

You don't know why he is even trying.

But you can't say you're not enjoying it.

"What do you mean, you don't need help?" Your sister asks, completely confused.

You avoid her gaze and take the basket on your hands absently. "I can do this by myself today. Besides, you were a little sick, weren't you? You should rest."

"And since when do you care?"

"I always cared." You glare at her, offended. "I'm leaving now before you make me change my mind."

Before she can say anything else, you walk out of the house carrying the heavy basket.

Of course I'm doing this because I care, you think, frowning. Of course. She had a fever. She has to rest today.

Of course I'm not doing this because I hope that Jungkook will show up again.

Of course not.

A strange heat reaches your neck.

You still don't know why the Jeon insisted on helping you. Any man would feel ashamed to do this type of work. Yet, Jungkook stayed with you until both of you finished washing all the items in the basket.

He did not complain. He did not make any type of bad comment about you.

In fact, he didn't even try to court you. He just… talked to you.

This, itself, is already surprising.

You're used to being treated like nothing by people on his level. Rich people think that poor people aren't even people in the first place. Besides, it wouldn't be the first time a rich man tried to get under your skirt. Jungkook, however, was respectful all the time. He didn't treat you as if you were a brainless peasant. You talked about many things. Being around him didn’t feel overwhelming… it was comfortable.

You know you shouldn’t be craving for his company, but you do. After that day, every week you see yourself finding an excuse to go to the river alone, hoping that he will come - and he actually comes to help you. Jungkook learned how to wash clothes properly really fast. Every time he comes, you finish all the work pretty quickly, what disappoints you deep down, because you want more opportunities to spend time with him.

If back then you just felt attracted by Jungkook’s appearance… well, now you’re starting to feel something more.

Even though there’s a voice in your mind yelling that this won’t end up well.

You arrive at the usual spot by the river and place the basket on the floor, getting ready to work. Unconsciously, you keep looking at your surroundings, hoping that his figure will peek in the horizon at any time. You already feel your heart beating rapidly with nervousness. He might not want to come today. He might have things to do. Why would he even want to come anyway? This is ridiculous-

“Searching for me, Y/N?” You scream, completely startled, when a voice says right by your side.

Jungkook laughs joyfully, satisfied with your reaction. You glare at him. “What’s your problem, sir?”

“It’s not my fault if you get scared so easily.” He shrugs, faking an innocent expression. He sits by your side and crosses his legs. Something you noticed recently is that Jungkook doesn’t exactly act like a gentleman - he walks around barefoot, laughs loudly, sits with crossed legs like he’s doing right now, and the stranger of all: helps a woman washing clothes. He definitely doesn’t act like all the other man you know. You always knew he was an odd man, but day after day it gets more surprising. “Did you miss me?”

“Certainly not.” you roll your eyes. “I was hoping that you wouldn’t come to bother me.”

What a liar.

“Sure.” Jungkook side eyes you suspiciously. “I can leave if you want… but then, I won’t give you the present I brought with me.”

“What?” you look at him, feeling your heart race. Did he bring you a present…?

“As I said, I’m won’t give you the present… unless you ask me to stay.” He says in a childish manner, a teasing glint in his eyes. He starts to get up as if to leave.

“Wait.” You call. Your pride screams in pain. Jungkook stops midway and waits for you to say something. You roll your eyes again (your eyes tend to roll a lot when he’s around). “Stay, please.”

He grins widely and sits down again, reaching for something in a bag behind him. “Since you told me you were tired of reading the same books, I thought you’d like this.”

Jungkook hands you a book happily.

Your breath almost gets caught on your throat.

“Sir, I… I can’t accept this,” you say, although you want to take the book.

“Why not?” He looks confused.

“B-Because… well… where did you take this book from?”

“From the library in my house.”

“What if they notice that one book is missing? What if someone caughts me with it?” You say, already feeling the fear underneath your skin.

“Did you see the size of that library? Do you know how many books are there?” he lifts his eyebrows. Yes, you know the Jeon’s gigantic library. You’ve dreamed of having a library like this many times. There are hundreds of books in it. “They will never notice that one book is missing. Besides, no one reads anything in that house. My mother just keeps the library for fashion.” Jungkook then takes your hand with his own - what makes a warmth spread through your body - and puts the book over it, the most beautiful smile on his lips. “There’s nothing to worry about, Y/N. Please, accept it.”

You stare at the book. A strange sensation fills up your heart.

Jungkook remembered your conversation and paid attention to what you said. You are, indeed, tired of reading the same three books you own over and over again - books are expensive, your family can’t waste any money with anything other than food. Besides… most people usually don’t approve your liking for books. Your mother herself has already said that you shouldn’t even have learned how to read; she says that a woman must only know how to cook, how to clean and how to respect her husband.

It’s the first time someone takes your interests seriously. This is the most thoughtful present you have ever received.

You can’t hold back a smile.

“I… I don’t know what to say.” you confess in a shy whisper. “Thank you so much, Jungkook.”

He gasps.

“You said my name.” He smiles widely. “It’s the first time you say my name.”

You feel your cheeks heating up. “D-Don’t get used to it.”

Jungkook laughs again, and this time, you laugh as well.

This strange sensation in your heart seems to be overflowing.

This won’t end up well.

“Do you know how to ride a horse?”

You frown, eyes focused on the shirt between your hands. “Not really, sir.”

“Would you like to learn?”

You stop and stare at him.

There’s that glint in Jungkook’s eyes - the glint that says he’s planning something.

“I confess I would like to, but I don’t have time. Nor permission.” You say, looking at the shirt again.

“Why? Your brothers ride the horses.” Again, it seems that Jungkook doesn’t know his own family.

“My brothers and my father are farmers. They need to ride the horses to take care of the herd.”

“Alright. But you want to learn, don’t you?”

You stop again and look at him suspiciously.

“What do you mean, sir?”

He smiles in a playful way, almost like a child. “I just thought that you would want to take a break from all the work.”

“Sir, I can’t take breaks.” You exclaim. Jungkook doesn’t understand that you can’t do whatever you want. “I have to work. What if someone caughts me?”

“You’ll be with me.”

“And? I’m sure nobody would do anything to you, but I’d certainly get punished.” After so long, you feel intimate enough to be a little rude to him. “You’ve already been very kind to me, giving me all those books. That’s enough, sir. I’m thankful.”

“But reading books isn’t nearly as fun as riding a horse.” His stubbornness can be annoying at times. “Come on, Y/N. Just once!”

“No. My family will notice that I’m taking too long to finish.”

“We almost finished way sooner than usual. Nobody will notice.”

“Sir-”

“Please?”

You freeze when he takes both of your hands in his.

Your heartbeat increases, your eyes widen. Jungkook doesn’t touch you so often - he is very polite - but when he does, your body reacts immediately. Being close to him can be a torture sometimes. He is good, intelligent, funny… and extremely handsome. You look forward to meeting him every week. At times, you’re way slower than usual, just to spend more time with him.

Your feelings for him have grown quickly like fire spreading in the woods.

This won’t end up well, the voice insists to whisper on your ears angrily.

Jungkook has his big pleading eyes staring at you.

This won’t end up well. This won’t end up well. This won’t end up well. This won’t end up-

“Alright,” you sigh, giving in. Jungkook giggles excitedly. “But just today! And not for too long.”

Jungkook helps you to get up and guides you to his horse: a beautiful all-brown animal, tall and strong. This horse is probably healthier than me, you think. Master Jeon values his awarded horses a lot… more than his own family.

"Come. He's a very calm animal. He won't hurt you." Jungkook encourages, offering his hand for you to take. You look around, worried that someone might be watching. You're glad that this farm is so incredibly big and that your usual spot by the river is so far from the plantations, the main house and the stables where everyone usually stays.

At the same time, sheer excitement bubbles inside of you.

You take Jungkook's hand.

He helps you to sit on the horse's back. "Stay calm," Jungkook advises. "He can feel if you're nervous or not."

"I'm not nervous," you state, holding the reins the way you've always seen your brothers doing.

He keeps giving you instructions before guiding the horse slowly for a while. The animal is very obedient; it follows Jungkook's commands without complaining.

"Do you think you can guide it by yourself now?" He asks. You nod confidently.

"Yes."

Jungkook steps away.

He can't hide his utter shock when he sees you riding the animal as if you were born doing so.

The horse obeys you easily as you guide him around. Soon, you feel brave enough to ride faster. The speed, the wind on your face and hair, the excitement of doing something you shouldn't - all of this makes you laugh at the top of your lungs.

Perhaps Jungkook was right when he said that riding horses is funnier than reading books…

"I have to admit, I'm impressed," he says when you stop by his side again. "You didn't even need help."

"Well, I've been watching my father doing this my whole life." You shrug.

"But why did you stop?"

"Because this is enough for today." You say even though it disappoints you. "I don't want to put myself in danger. Can you help me…?"

Jungkook lifts his arms, ready to pick you up. You put your hand on his shoulders.

You lose balance and almost fall. Jungkook catches your body in time.

You freeze.

His hands are firmly placed on each side of your waist; your hands are on his chest. You're way too close.

Your faces, millimeters apart.

Dangerously close.

He's so close that you can feel his breath. So close that you can see every little detail on his face. So close that you feel your whole body heat up. So close that you can feel his heart beat rapidly under your palm.

So close that, if you simply leaned your head forward, your lips would touch.

And you really, really want to.

But you step back.

"Hm… thank you." You avoid his gaze, embarrassed. You've never been this close to a man before… and Jungkook's not just any man. He's the man that makes your heart beat fast and the man that understands and respects you and the man that doesn't underestimate you. He's the man who you can talk to, who you can laugh with, who always manages to brighten your day.

He is the right man.

But, at the same time, he is the wrong man.

That's why you step back. That's why you walk away with your head lowered.

Because it doesn't matter how much you want it - you and him will never end up well.

This week, Jungkook brought two horses.

You got surprised and excited, but pretended to be angry. I said that I'd do it once, sir!

But here you are - riding by his side.

Jungkook let you ride the same brown horse again, since the animal might be more familiarized with you. You completely lost sight of time, too entertained in the feeling of freedom that riding a horse can provide.

You're also lost in Jungkook's beauty.

He looks astonishing: his strong arms, his veiny hands holding the reins with ease. The way his soft hair bounces and waves with the wind. His confident posture.

You had to stop looking - otherwise you'd fall from the horse.

You're so entertained that you don't care when the sky becomes dark with heavy storm clouds.

"Sir, it's raining!" You scream so he can hear. Not that you needed to say anything: thunder echoes around you, and the first heavy drops starts falling from the sky. You're worried. Everybody knows that being in an open field under a storm is never a good idea.

"It's too late to try to go back to the house," Jungkook says. "We need coverage!"

Without saying anything else, you follow him down the hill at a fast pace, the heavy rain whipping your faces and bodies. You realize where Jungkook is heading to: the warehouse. You manage to put yourselves and the horses inside of the empty building.

Your heart beats fast with adrenaline. Jungkook laughs, looking at his damp clothes. You're not better than him. Usually, you'd be angry with this situation… but now, all you can do is laugh as well.

"We should pay more attention next time," you say. Your clothes and hair are dripping.

"But it was fun, wasn't it?" Jungkook asks. You shrug and smile. The noise of the wind and the water hitting against the warehouse's ceiling violently is unsettling and loud.

"I love to see you smile."

You freeze.

What…?

Jungkook is looking at you with a sweet smile on his lips. His eyes, however, are clouded with something you've never seen before. It's enough to make your stomach twirl and a shiver run underneath your skin.

He steps closer.

This won't end up well.

This time, though, you don't back away.

You stand firm, gaze locked with his, as Jungkook puts a strand of wet hair behind your ear.

All you can hear is the beating of your heart. All you can see is his face.

This won't end up well.

Jungkook analyzes your features carefully, almost as if he's searching for something.

"I know this might sound strange," he says, his voice almost disappearing between the loud noises of the storm. "But sometimes, when I look at you, I… I feel that I already know you."

"But you know me." You whisper back.

"No. I mean… I mean that it feels like I've known you for a long time. More time than I can remember…"

It confuses you.

But, at the same time, it makes sense.

Being with Jungkook feels… familiar. Almost like a distant childhood memory. Something you can't picture or explain. You just know that it's there; it exists.

Your feelings for him.

This familiarity is still there when Jungkook closes the distance and kisses you; when your lips move slowly, in synchronicity, with raw passion. It feels new but familiar when his hands touch your body and when you feel his warm skin under his clothes. Even though it's the first time, the weight of his body over yours seems familiar. The way your members entangle, your fingers gripping his hair, his lips on your neck, the heat, the sweat, the pleasure.

It feels familiar.

It feels like home.

And it feels bittersweet.

Because, deep down… the voice that says that this won't end up well is still echoing.

Something tells you that you should believe it.

"Sister, are you alright?"

You hold your stomach with one hand and wipe your mouth with the back of the other hand. The horrible taste of vomit washes your mouth.

"Y-Yes. It was probably something I ate-"

More vomit erupts through your lips. Your sister puts her hand on your back and pats it gently.

"But if it was something you ate, then all of us should be feeling sick as well." She says. "You must be sick. We should call the doctor. I'll tell mom-"

You hold her hand tightly.

"Don't tell mom." You say firmly. "I'm alright."

Your sister frowns, confused. "But, Y/N, you've been feeling unwell for some days. What if it's something serious? What if…"

She blinks rapidly.

"What if…?"

You see the moment her astute eyes gleam with realization.

"Sister… are you…?"

"Am I what?" You ask in a defensive manner - trying to hide your fear.

Her jaw is dropped, eyes widened.

"How could you?!" She half whispers, half screams. You watch as a mix of feelings surface on her eyes; anger, betrayal, confusion, worry. "You're not married yet! What will people say about you when they notice-?!"

"Notice what?!" You don't want to hear the words. If she says it, it'll become real. It can't be real.

"I saw you with him. I saw you with Jungkook."

Freezing fear creeps on you.

"I followed you some days ago and saw you together. Do you think I wouldn't notice that something was wrong? You've been insisting to wash the clothes by yourself for months. Everyone knows you hate to do this!"

You don't know what to say.

You feel stupid. Desperate. Scared.

You don't even notice when the tears start streaming down your cheeks.

"I don't know what to do." You whisper weakly.

Your sister shakes her head. "Did he propose to you, at least? You must marry him now. It's the only way to regain your honor."

You shake your head. "I… I'll talk to him. I must talk to him today."

The girl swipes her hand over her face as she starts to feel desperate for you. "Why did you let him do this to you, Y/N…?"

"You don't understand." You're quick to say. "We love each other. We… we'll figure out what to do. We'll find a way out."

You know you're just saying this to calm yourself down. You have no idea if you'll figure out what to do. You don't even know what Jungkook's reaction will be when he finds out…

That's the only thing in your mind as you wait for him, leaning under a tree. Your fingers are shaking, your breathing is short and rapid. What if Jungkook abandons me? What will I do? My parents will never forgive me. No one will help me at the town. They'll be ashamed of me and they'll hate me.

You should have figured that this would happen. After all these nights when you sneaked out of your house to meet him… The tears start falling again, followed by quiet sobs. You destroyed your life. A dishonored woman. A prostitute…

"Y/N, what's wrong?!"

You see Jungkook running to you, worry covering his features the moment he realizes you're crying. He holds your face with both hands. "What happened? Did someone hurt you? Something happened with your family?"

The uncontrollable sobs won't let you speak. Instead, you just let yourself cry as Jungkook hugs you tightly, even though he doesn't understand what's happening.

It takes a long time for you to calm down.

"J-Jungkook…" you step away from him. Your eyes are glued to the floor. You're not brave enough to look at him and see his reaction.

"Yes, darling? What happened?" He asks, voice full of worry and care.

You gulp.

He has to know.

"I-I'm pregnant."

Silence.

The silence lasts for so long that you think he didn't hear.

You finally have the courage to look up at him…

And you see Jungkook's eyes welled up with tears, the most beautiful smile adorning his lips.

"Pregnant?" He whispers weakly as the first tear trickles down his cheek. "You're pregnant?"

"...yes."

"Am I going to be a father?"

"Yes."

Jungkook laughs and engulfs you in a hug.

From all the reactions you thought of, this is the one you were least expecting - but that's the one you were secretly hoping for the most. Jungkook hugs you tightly, kisses the top of your head, your forehead, your cheeks, your lips, whispering "I love you"s in between. You're so astonished that you have no reaction at all.

"You made me the happiest man in the world today, Y/N," he grins widely and sniffs. "I'll be a father! You're carrying our child!"

"Are you really happy?" You ask timidly, almost suspicious.

"Why wouldn't I be?! I love you." He holds your face and kisses your lips sweetly. "I love you. God, I love you."

You feel overwhelmed by his words. A smile finally appears on your lips.

"What will we do, Jungkook?" Your voice still sounds weak. "We should get married…"

This is the moment his smile faces away.

His features change in an instant - from utter joy, to deep concern. He frowns and blinks, licks his lips.

"We need to do something." He agrees.

"You must talk to my parents-"

"We need to run away from here."

You gasp.

"Run away? Why?" You ask, confused. "If we get married as soon as possible, people won't notice-"

"No. We need to leave the town. We need to disappear." The hurry and worry in his voice makes you uneasy.

"Jungkook, I have a family. I can't leave them behind."

"Darling, you don't understand," he cups your cheeks again. "My father, he's- he's dangerous. He would never accept our marriage. I don't know what he might do to you if he finds out…"

You've heard rumors before. People feared Master Jeon at the town, it was common knowledge. You've heard people saying how he could be ruthless when he wanted. But you never thought he would do anything worse than some threatening.

However, Jungkook is his son. He knows Master Jeon better than you do. If his son looks so frightened of what his own father might do…

Fear makes your body temperature decrease.

"I will protect your family." Jungkook continues. "I'll make sure that nothing bad happens to them and I'll find a way to take them out of here. But, first, we need to leave. As soon as possible."

Jungkook places his hand over your stomach in a reassuring way.

"I will never let anyone hurt you. I will protect you and our child."

The confidence in which he says this makes your heart feel warm.

You trust him.

The small inn is nearly empty, but it doesn't make you any less nervous. Your heart is tight with insecurity and worry. You did everything Jungkook said: you left the house in the middle of the night, you didn't tell anything to your family (what was so painful that made you cry all the way out of the farm), you just brought a small case with a few clothes (not that you own many anyway). He asked you to wait here while he prepares everything. You plan to disappear tonight.

You put your hand on your belly and caress it; it's still hard to believe that there's someone growing inside of you, that in a few months you'll have a baby in your arms. The idea is terrifying… and reassuring. This child is the proof of your love. You love each other - and this love is so great that you couldn't keep it to yourselves only; this child is the result. It doesn't matter that you're not married yet or that life will definitely be more difficult from now on. You already love this child.

A small smile adorns your lips as the image of a baby boy with Jungkook's big eyes appears in your mind.

Everything will be alright. We have each other.

But you can't fight the insecurity and the growing anxiety.

You desperately want this to work out. You want to spend the rest of your life with Jungkook… but that pessimistic voice still echoes in your head, even though you've been trying to shut it. Almost as if… almost as if you've already faced a great disappointment in the past.

This feeling doesn't make sense. You would have remembered such suffering.

As time goes by, you start to get even more impatient and nervous. Your heart feels tight in a way you never felt before. What if something went wrong? Why is Jungkook taking so long?

That's when you hear the door cracking open behind you.

You immediately get up and smile, relief lifting the invisible weight from your shoulders. "Jungkook, I thought-"

When you turn around, the smile on your lips dies.

You're paralyzed.

Unconsciously, you take one step back.

"M-Master Jeon." You whisper weakly.

The man stares at you in a way that makes you feel small.

He enters the room and closes the door behind him. You take another step back.

He analyzes you from head to toe. His eyes are as cold as ice, as sharp as blades and as judging as the eyes of an executor. You feel impossibly cold. Your throat is dry. There's an acrid taste in your tongue.

This man always scared you. He barely even interacted with you in all the years that you and your family worked for him, but in the few times he did, it was always unpleasant. He treated your father badly, but this was nothing out of the extraordinary; his wife was equally awful to you, your mother and sisters. You always thought he was just another rich and arrogant man like many others you've met.

Tonight, however, you see in those eyes something you've never noticed and you've never seen in anyone.

He isn't just an arrogant man.

He represents real danger.

Master Jeon smirks.

You instinctively put your hands on your stomach. Master Jeon follows the action with his eyes and tilts his head.

"I can't tell if you were smart or naive," the man starts. His voice makes your bones feel frozen. "I can't blame you for wanting a better life, kid. I guess that's all people like you dream of. But you choose the wrong person to take advantage of."

Your breathing is difficult. "W-What do you mean?"

"Don't play stupid with me, girl." He warns. "This situation is really bothersome. See, I let you and your family live in my property, let you eat my food and drink my water… and that's how you act with me? Try to trick my son? That's very low of you."

Your face contorts in disgust when you realize what he means. "You think I seduced Jungkook?! You're wrong! We love each other!"

"Don't make me laugh, kid." Master Jeon shakes his head as if he's reprimanding a little stubborn child. "Love you? Hah! You're a nobody." His eyes, once again, analyze you from head to toe. "I can't blame Jungkook for falling to your charms, though. It would be such a waste if he simply ignored you."

The disgust deepens. The way he talks about you makes you feel dirty.

"But you see, kid, I'm not an evil man." He sarcastically says. "I don't like the idea of hurting women, a pregnant woman on top of that. I'm a good christian. And because of that, I'll give you a chance of ending this uncomfortable situation."

"I don't want to hear it," you say, although you felt your whole body shivering when he talked about hurting women. "You can't buy me. You can't separate me and Jungkook."

Master Jeon laughs darkly.

"Oh, darling. I can." Another shiver runs down your spine. "I want you to disappear forever. There's a carriage out there waiting for you. You'll never see my son again. Like this, you can give birth to your child peacefully and live your life as if you've never met him."

"No!" The anger overwhelms the fear and you end up screaming. "Jungkook is the father! You can't separate a father from his child!"

Master Jeon laughs as if you just told the funniest joke he ever heard. "Oh, you think you're so important, don't you? This child is a nobody, just like you. Jungkook made a mistake. He's a young man! Men make mistakes like this all the time. We're imperfect beings, after all. Don't you think that just because you're pregnant he has any responsibility over your child."

You're so shocked that you don't know what to say; your sight seems painted in red with pure anger.

"You can't control me. You can't control us." Your fists tighten. "I won't leave."

Master Jeon's jaw clenches.

When he speaks again, his voice is dangerously low.

"I said that I don't like the idea of hurting you… but what about your family, huh?"

You feel the world crumbling under your feet.

"W-What…?"

"Your family… a bunch of hungry rats. You've never really done a good job, in my opinion. Maybe it's time to get rid of all of them?"

Your hands start shaking.

"W-What do you m-mean…?"

"Do you know where my men are right now, kid?" A glint of satisfaction crosses Master Jeon's eyes when he sees your panic. "They're surrounding your small house. One order… and they'll burn it down. Your parents and your siblings are fast asleep right now, huh? I wonder how long will it take until they notice the fire…"

"No!"

Out of your wildest instincts, you throw yourself over him, fists tight, trying to hurt him everywhere you can touch. It's useless, though, for Master Jeon is overwhelmingly stronger than you and manages to grip your wrists in an instant.

"See how easily I can destroy your life?" He hisses. "Nobody would even notice that you and your family disappeared. That's because you're nothing, Y/N. You don't exist. This child doesn't exist. I won't let my son waste more time with you." Tears are rolling down your cheeks at this point. You've never been so scared in your life. "The only way to protect your family is to leave. So, what do you choose, huh?"

You look at Master Jeon right in the eye.

You know he isn't lying. You know this isn't the first time he kills someone - and he doesn't even feel guilty about it.

He just doesn't care.

You think of your family. They can't be punished because of your actions.

More than that… you think of your child. Their life depends on yours. You can't be imprudent anymore.

You think of Jungkook.

It hurts so much that it feels as if you've been physically impalled. But, weakly and hesitantly, you nod.

"... I'll leave."

Master Jeon smiles, satisfied, and lets go of your wrists. "Good girl."

You don't have any strength to walk as Master Jeon's men take you to the carriage. The tears fall nonstop, you can't choke the sobs. You didn't even say goodbye to your family. They would never know what happened to you; you think of how painful it will be to your parents, searching for their daughter, never knowing if she's alive or not…

Jungkook will think you ran away from him. He'll never meet his own child. He'll never take them in his arms.

You will never be in his arms once again.

You hug your own body, feeling empty and cold.

Why is the Universe so cruel to you? Why did it make you and Jungkook be part of completely different worlds?

Why can't it let you be together?

You almost feel as if there are invisible shackles chaining your wrists tightly.

Only if you were not you, and he was not him… if you had different lives…

Quietly, you swear to yourself… if there is another life, then I'll go after Jungkook.

I will never give up on him.

I will never rest until we can finally be together.

× 1914 ×

"Sir," Jungkook starts, nervousness very evident in his posture and voice. "I love your daughter."

You nervously watch your father's reaction. He doesn't move, watching Jungkook very carefully. You fiddle with your fingers nervously. Your mother caresses your back, trying to calm you down at least a little.

"I promise I will take care of her, protect her and respect her until my last days." At the same time you feel touched, you also want to laugh. Jungkook is speaking in such a serious voice - he usually doesn't talk like this. It's endearing and makes your heart feel warm. "I will never hurt her or let her down. I ask you to approve our union, sir." He coughs and shifts. "Hmm… Please."

You try your hardest not to laugh, and so does your mother. God, he's adorable.

Your father still stares at Jungkook very seriously (threateningly) for long seconds. Long. Long. Seconds.

Jungkook is trying his best not to gulp.

"I know you since you were a kid, Jungkook. I know you very well." He gets up from the couch. "That's why I can't…"

Jungkook holds his breath.

So do you.

Your father finally breaks a smile.

"That's why I can't say no. You have my blessing."

Jungkook sighs in relief.

You get up in a jump and hug him, letting an excited scream slash the air. The atmosphere in the room immediately becomes light-hearted.

"You didn't need to scare him so much, darling," your mother reprimands, although she has a smile on her lips. "We all knew you'd say yes."

"I had to put some pressure on him." Your father smiles widely and shakes Jungkook's hand. "I'm glad that you'll be part of our family, son." He then pushes Jungkook closer and his smile disappears. "But if you ever make my daughter cry, I will kill you."

"Darling!" Your mother exclaims.

You laugh and intertwine your fingers with his.

Jungkook and you are childhood friends - and you're in love with him ever since you can remember. He is not only your lover, but also your best friend. This is the moment you've been waiting for a long time; in a strange way, you always knew it would be him. It almost feels as if you've been perfectly crafted for each other.

Your and Jungkook's families are very close. The village you live in is thriving and pacific. You're excited to tell your friends the good news; honestly, it seems that entire village knew it would happen someday.

Life is good.

And it is about to be even better now.

Nothing can put you and Jungkook apart.

You're walking down the street towards the grocery store in the morning when you notice a strange commotion.

The central square is more crowded than usual. There's an uncommon heavy tension hovering in the air; people talk to each other with worried expressions. Even Jungkook is standing outside of the grocery store, discussing with a neighbor. A frown shadows his features.

"Good morning." You greet the men. "What's happening?"

"Didn't you read the journal today?" Jungkook asks. His expression worries you even more.

He hands you the newspaper.

The headline is written in bold, capital letters.

"War?" You mutter. It feels as if your inner temperature immediately decreases. "B-But… why?"

"Those important men," the old man who Jungkook was talking to scoffs. "They want to fight between themselves and end up involving everyone else!"

"B-But this is big." you mutter as your eyes quickly read down the page. Now you understand why everyone seemed so tense. "How many countries are involved…?"

"It seems that the troops are already marching." Another man says.

You just notice that your fingers were shaking when Jungkook holds your hand in a reassuring way.

You look at each other.

"This sounds horrible, Jungkook."

"I know." He nods. "But I doubt that it will last too long. Besides, we're more than safe. This village is so far from anywhere important. We won't even notice anything."

You nod as well, staring at his reassuring eyes.

Of course, the news that a war started are bad. But Jungkook is right. There's no way you'll be involved in this. It's not as if it will be able to prevent your wedding.

It's not as if it can put you and Jungkook apart.

The living room of your house is dead silent.

The place is full of people: your family, neighbors, everyone sat on the couch, chairs or on the floor. The windows are opened, and there are even more neighbors peeking from them, trying to listen to the radio. Since your family is one of the few that possesses this device, you father made sure to invite everyone to listen to the news.

Every word spoken by the radio host seems to be striking through you.

"Jesus Christ," your mother whispers. She holds the small crucifix close to her chest.

Hundreds. Thousands of dead soldiers, from many nationalities. Not only that: civilian cities have been bombarded as well. The number of dead is so great that the authorities have trouble counting them.

Something heavy and dark called grief hovers above your heads.

You grip Jungkook's hand even tighter.

Your village is safe…

Right?

You sit quietly at the back of the grocery store and watch Jungkook finally close the doors at night. He looks tense and worried - like everyone else is.

"Look at these shelves. Almost empty." He sighs heavily, putting his hands on each side of his waist. "There's barely any merchandise; they don't sell us anything anymore. They give all the food to feed the soldiers in the battlefield."

"I think they need it more than we do." You say in all honesty.

"Well, yes, but soon we won't have any food."

Jungkook pushes a chair and sits in front of you. Your knees touch, you hold each other's hands. He looks so tired and drained. The war is starting to affect everyone: this grocery store is the only one in the village, and since the food is becoming so scarce, everyone suffers.

"Jungkook…" you call quietly. He lifts his gaze to look at you. "I was thinking… maybe we should postpone our wedding."

"Why?" He frowns.

"Well… things are so difficult." You shrug sadly. "Besides, I don't think there's any atmosphere for weddings right now."

"Hey!" Jungkook leans closer and puts his hand on your cheek affectionately. "Don't say that. Of course, we won't be able to offer a big party like we imagined, but it doesn't matter, right? We can't let this bother us. We've been dreaming of this moment for years."

You sigh. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." He smiles. You love his smile. You love the way his eyes smile as well every time his lips do. "The situation doesn't matter… as long as we're together."

You can't help but smile, too.

"As long as we're together."

In one week, you’ll finally get married.

But you’re far from feeling happy.

There’s barely any food in the village. Past week, soldiers inspected every house and took the animals with themselves; they just let one chicken per family, and considering that many families didn’t even have animals in the first place, many of them are starting to face famine. Luckily, all the villagers are very united, so everyone made sure to share their food stock.

When you saw those soldiers arriving in the cars, you body paralyzed in sheer panic. Up until now, the war didn’t really seem real. You heard the news on the radio, on the journal, you knew that thousands of soldiers and civilians were dying. When food started to become scarce, it was bothersome, but it still felt too far. When those men wearing uniforms came, though, reality hit you all at once.

The soldiers weren’t very polite. They entered the houses and took the animals without many explanations - what, of course, angered some people.

“Sir, you can’t take our animals like this!” one of your neighbors complained. When he spoke up, everyone on the main square went dead silent. “We have families, children! If you take our animals, we won’t have anything to eat!”

One of the soldiers - the one with the highest ranking, apparently - approached the man at heavy steps. His eyes reflected some type of anger and impassivity you’ve never seen before.

The eyes of someone who saw too much.

“Your compatriots are dying at this exact moment in the trenches.” His hard voice echoed around the square. “They’re agonizing, being dismembered, being taken away from their families. Offering your animals without complaints is the least thing you can do to minimize their pain. There is a war happening right now, sir. There are more important things to care about other than your family.”

No one dared to say anything else after this.

You feel that you already lost some kilos you shouldn’t have lost. Your dresses and skirts seem larger than they were supposed to be. You try not to complain about it, though; the kids needed to eat more than you, after all, especially now that winter is coming. The temperature at night already feels too cold.

The main square used to be a bright and happy place, even at night, when villagers liked to take late night walks. These days, though, people don’t have the courage to walk at night anymore. It seems that, ever since the war started, the colors of the world are fading away slowly. Everything seems… grey.

“They’re saying that this is the war to end all wars.” Jungkook says quietly. Since the square is empty, you two can have some privacy. Yet, it feels lonely. “But at what cost?”

You sigh heavily. The journals and radio are constantly spreading speeches full of patriotism, trying to make people support the war, but you can’t agree with any of them. Civilian villages like yours and the many others around the country have nothing to do with this war, nor the poor soldiers sent to fight. No one cares about patriotism or honor when a dead body is all that lasted from a loved one.

“But it could be worse,” you say. Small clouds of steam are formed at each breathing. “At least our village isn’t near the front. I can’t even imagine how much these people are suffering.”

Jungkook intertwines his fingers with yours. His cheeks are hollower and he has purple bags under his eyes; he also lost weight. You don’t like to see him like this. “When we planned our wedding months ago, this is not how I expected it to be.”

“Neither did I.” you admit sadly. This feeling of grief seems to be hovering above the village - and the world - all the time; no one feels excited about your wedding. “Are you sure we should still get married, Jungkook? Shouldn’t we wait a little bit more?”

“We can’t give up now that we’re so close.” He always finds the strength to smile when you need him the most. “I… I feel sorry that our wedding won’t be what we expected. I wish we could get married at better times, too. But… we’ll be together. That’s what matters, isn’t it?”

You can’t help but smile and nod.

Yet, something tells you that Jungkook doesn’t want to postpone your wedding because of some darker reason. A reason you don’t really want to consider.

Jungkook puts his arm around your shoulders and pulls you closer, pressing his lips on your temple. “I love you.” he whispers.

“I love you, too.”

In this world full of violence and uncertainty, at least one thing is certain: your love for each other.

That’s when you hear the sound.

It’s far. So far that, for a while, you simply ignore it.

But it becomes louder.

“A thunder?” you wonder, frowning. You and Jungkook look up at the sky at the same time; the clouds don’t look like storm ones.

The sound repeats.

Both of you sit straight and look at each other. It doesn’t sound like a thunder anymore.

Some villagers come out of their houses or look through the windows. Just like you, they stare at the sky in confusion.

Jungkook stands up and stares at north, eyes widened.

You look at the same direction.

Far away, the dark sky lights up - but not in the way that it does when a lightning slashes the air. The light has a reddish color to it. It doesn’t fade away so fast.

The floor trembles under your feet.

“Y/N,” Jungkook calls. His voice sounds quiet, almost too shocked, and worried. “Go home. Now.”

You hear the villagers gasping and getting into their houses again as realization hits them as well.

Bombs.

In the next morning, your village is crowded with soldiers.

None of you were able to sleep at night. The unstoppable sound of the bombs and planes didn’t let you blink an eye. The sounds still seemed to be considerably far, but they were enough to make the floor shake and your worst nightmares become reality.

When the sounds finally stopped, a deep silence reigned.

Some hours after, early in the morning, the sound of cars took place. Cars, carriages and male voices.

Many voices.

Your father didn’t let you and your mother leave the house. You two had to sit there and wait for seemingly endless hours to know what was happening. The nervousness seemed to be eating you up alive.

Finally, your father came back. You and your mother get up at the same time, anxious.

“What’s happening?” you ask in a hurried tone.

You father passes his hand on his head. He looks shocked, worried and scared - all at once.

“A village some kilometers away from here was bombarded last night.” He announces. Your mother gasps and puts her hand over her chest. You just stare at him, frozen in place.

“A-And what are the soldiers doing here?”

His gaze rests in you.

You don’t like that gaze.

“Y/N, they… they…”

“They what?” fear starts to take control. You notice your father holds a folded piece of paper. “What is this?”

You forcefully take the paper from his hands and open it.

“They are spreading this around the village,” your father’s voice sounds somehow guilty.

You can’t move.

“What’s happening, darling?” your mother asks.

No.

“They came to recruit all the young and healthy men to fight in the war.”

Your fingers are shaking. Your eyes are already full of tears.

Jungkook.

You run out of the house, ignoring your parents screaming at you, asking you to stop.

You don’t care that it’s too cold and you’re not wearing appropriate clothes. You don’t care that the city is completely full of soldiers and some of them yell inappropriate comments about you as you run by. You don’t care about the way your neighbors look at you.

They can’t take Jungkook. They can’t.

When you reach the main square, though, your heart drops.

All the young men are standing in lines. The youngest is probably only fourteen years old; the boy cries quietly, trying to choke his own sobs.

“Don’t take my son away from me!” a woman screams, being held back by other villagers. “He’s just a boy! Please!”

“Shut up, woman!” a soldier screams back at her in a threatening way.

More people are crying quietly. The sight almost looks like a funeral.

Then, you find him.

He’s already standing there, jaw clenched, fists tight, eyes glued on his feet.

“Jungkook!”

He lifts his gaze.

You see the worry. The anger. The fear. Jungkook has never looked so scared in his life.

And this is what breaks you.

You try to run to him, but a soldier holds you back. Jungkook looks at you, helpless, as you struggle in a desperate attempt to fight the soldier. Your sight is blurred due to the tears.

“No! You can’t take him! You can’t take him! Jungkook!”

That’s why he didn’t want to postpone the wedding.

He knew that this could happen anytime.

“Stop it, bitch!” the soldier yells and pushes you violently. Your shoulder hits the hard ground and you groan in pain.

“Don’t touch her!”

A commotion starts when Jungkook throws himself over the soldier and punches his face. The young boys don’t know what to do; the villagers can just watch in shock; other soldiers move quickly. Three of them are necessary to take Jungkook away from the soldier. You scream, desperate, when they start to punch and kick him.

Jungkook lays on the floor, nose bleeding, tears streaming down his cheeks.

“It seems that you already want to start your days in the military with a punishment!” a soldier yells mockingly and spits on him. “This one won’t last a day in the front.”

The front?!

You try to get up, but suddenly feel too weak to do so. Instead, you grab the boot of a soldier nearby. The man looks down at you.

“P-Please,” you whisper. The sobs won’t let you speak properly. “Don’t take him away from me.”

The man stares at you in silence. However, his gaze over you is different from the other soldiers; he looks tired, sad and compassionate. Although he probably has no authorization, he helps you to get up with care.

“I’m sorry.” is all that he can say before walking away.

Panic grows stronger when two soldiers take Jungkook from the floor rather roughly and start dragging him away.

All the other young men start to march as well, following the orders. Mothers and fathers around you cry harder. Their sons yell their farewells and promises to stay safe.

But you refuse to say goodbye.

“Jungkook! Jungkook!” again, you try to run to him, but a different person holds you back this time: your father. Your voice cracks. You can’t stop crying.

He looks at you behind his shoulder; the soldiers won’t stop dragging him. The fact that the glint of happiness you know so well can’t be seen in his eyes kills you.

The fact that, once again, Jungkook tries to smile in a reassuring way even though he’s bleeding and crying kills you even more.

“I love you,” he says, tears streaming down his cheeks. “I’ll always love you. I’ll always come back to you.”

He disappears inside one of the cars.

You scream until your throat hurts. You cry until your chest aches and your sight is unclear. Your parents don’t let you run after the car as the troops leave the village, taking all the young and healthy men with them.

Taking the love of your life with them.

And you couldn’t even touch him one last time.

× 1915 ×

You don’t look at yourself in the mirror anymore.

You know that you’re way too thin, way too drained out of any life that still lasted inside of you. Long gone is the happy girl you used to be. She is dead.

It seems that happiness itself disappeared from this world.

Many villagers died during the year due to famine, diseases, or the severe winter. Soldiers came to the village to take as many clothes they could find - the army needed fabric to make more uniforms. It seems that the sun doesn’t shine as much as it used to. The sky isn’t as blue. Birds don’t chirp anymore.

You don’t even feel too shocked anymore when you hear the terrifying sirens and the sound of bombers from far and you’re all forced to hide in the few deep enough basements in the village.

The only thing you do is wonder where he is.

You didn’t receive any letter. Any report. Nothing. But you know he is alive, because no one came to your house bringing a folded flag and a medal as they always do to honor a fallen soldier.

Many of the boys that were forcefully dragged into the war have fallen.

But Jungkook hasn’t. This is what brings you hope. This is why you sit close to the radio day and night in the hopes to hear any news, any hint of his whereabouts. For weeks, the radio is silent, meaning that something broke the connection. But it always starts working again.

He will come back.

You managed to hide your wedding dress from the soldiers. It’s still inside the wardrobe, untouched.

× 1916 ×

One morning, someone knocks on your front door.

You dreamed of this moment multiple times. The moment when Jungkook would come back, safe and sound, wearing a uniform. He would smile and hug you. His body and soul might be hurt, but you’re sure that you could help him get over whatever horrors he witnessed.

You could face anything together.

But you already know it isn’t him before you open the door.

Instead, another soldier stands in front of you.

He carries a perfectly folded flag in his arms.

In this moment, something inside of you dies.

You lost sight of time.

An hour might have passed by. A day, a week. You have no idea. You cried yourself asleep so many times that it made difficult to know.

The flag doesn’t smell like him. It doesn’t represent him. Still, you hug it close to your chest as if it was him. The fabric is humid with your endless tears.

Why is the Universe so cruel?

Why couldn’t it simply wait one week?

Why did you have to be born in a world full of violence, full of death?

You don’t understand why the chains of fate chose to punish you of all people. You just wanted to be with the love of your life. That’s all you ever wanted.

Now, he’s gone. You’ll never see him, touch him, hear his voice. Whenever you think of how he possibly died, more and more tears come. The person you loved the most in the world, the kindest man you’ve ever met - lonely, cold, hungry and hurt in a filthy trench.

The last reminiscent of his existence is the letter laying beside you - the letter you weren’t brave enough to read.

You remembered the soldier that came to bring you the flag: he was the same man from two years ago that helped you to get up. With an amputated leg, he was too injured to keep fighting and was sent back home. But he insisted on coming himself to your village.

“My name is Jimin,” he explained quietly. He looked sad, his eyes were devoid of any bright feeling. “I fought alongside Jungkook in the same troop. He saved my life. He… He was a good man.” Jimin reached for something in the pocket of his shirt: a letter. “He asked me that if he didn’t make it, I should give you this.” The young soldier had to fight back his own tears. “He… he really loved you, ma’am. I hope this can give you some comfort.”

You stare at the dirty folded paper.

Nothing in this world will ever comfort you.

Yet, with trembling fingers, you unfold the paper and start to read it.

Tears immediately begin falling.

It’s undeniably his calligraphy; by the way some letters are retorted, you can see that he wrote it hurriedly. The paper somehow smells like mud and his fingerprints are all over it.

Once again, you start crying.

This pain will never go away.

Dear Y/N,

I apologize that we couldn’t have the party we always dreamed of. In the moments the pain becomes too great, I like to imagine you wearing your wedding dress. I regret not stealing a glance at it. I should have ignored the tradition that says that seeing the bride wearing the wedding dress before the wedding day brings bad luck.

I don’t want you to suffer imagining what I went through or the things I saw. I beg you to remember us in our best moments, for this is the way I will always remember you. Your smile, your eyes, your hair; no one can ever take these memories away from me, and for this I am grateful.

I wish we could have stayed together. I apologize that I couldn’t keep my promise of being with you until my last days. I truly apologize, Y/N. I hope that your father won’t be mad at me. But I’m a man of my word; and, if there is the slightest chance of us being together again, if by chance there is a next life, I swear I will search for you and keep my promise. Not even this war, heaven or hell, not even death will make us part.

We will be together. I swear.

Please know that I left this world in peace - because the last thing I saw when I closed my eyes was you.

Forever yours,

Jungkook

× 2017 ×

“Shit!” you exclaim when you check your phone and see the hour.

Oh, no. You can’t be late for Mr. Hwang’s class again. The man apparently already hates you for existing, you can’t give him even more chances to hate you.

You’re not the most punctual person, and you don’t even have a proper excuse this time. You just sat at the mall’s food court to eat your Big Mac peacefully and boom - one hour has passed. It’s not really your fault that Percy Jackson and The Last Olympian is such a good book. You hesitated for a long time to start reading this series, but now that you gave it a chance, you can’t stop reading - especially not now that Percy is about to drown in the Styx River.

Can this be considered a good excuse? Maybe Mr. Hwang is a Percy Jackson fan. Who knows.

Your roommate likes to call you The Goddess of Procrastination. You can’t even be mad at her. She’s right.

You sigh and throw the book inside of your bag. If you run fast enough, you’ll manage to make it into the class just ten minutes late. Still better than the last time that you arrived five minutes before the class ended. No one has ever looked at you with so much hatred in this life other than Mr. Hwang in that moment.

But, as you’re about to get up and leave, you hear a phone buzzing.

And it isn’t yours.

You frown, noticing for the first time that a phone lays on the empty chair in front of you. Checking the screen, you see that there’s an incoming call. The name Jimin is written on the screen.

You think of simply ignoring it. It’s none of your business. But something - curiosity, maybe - makes you take the phone and answer the call.

“Hello?” you say, hesitant.

“Oh, thanks Goodness,” a male voice sighs in relief from the other side of the line. For some reason, you feel goosebumps. “Hm, hi. I think you found my phone.”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Where did you find it?”

“Hm… at the food court. Here in the mall near the subway station.”

You hear another male voice through the line saying “I told you that you forgot it there, idiot.”

“Shut up, Jimin.” the man scolds and coughs. “I’m sorry. Look, I’m not very far from the mall right now. Could you please wait a little bit so I can pick up my phone with you?”

You bite your bottom lip nervously. You’re way too late for Mr. Hwang’s class. You can’t waste any more time.

Yet… almost as if an invisible force makes you stand in place, you nod (even though he can’t see it). “Alright. But please, be fast.”

“Okay! I’ll be fast! Please, stay exactly where you are. I’ll be there in five minutes!”

He hangs up the phone.

You sit on the chair again, hopeless, and place his phone over the table, so he can see it clearly when he comes. Your leg shakes impatiently as you look around, trying to figure out who the owner is.

You stare at your bag.

One or two more pages won’t hurt.

You take the book again and open where you stopped. This is a tense moment of the story. I mean, you know that Percy won’t die. That’s the beginning of the book after all. But still, the tension is so great that you feel yourself at the edge of your seat. It’s also kind of embarrassing that you don’t know what’s about to happen since this book was released almost ten years ago. Your roommate likes to annoy you, saying that you like to read books for children, but if she had any idea of how good-

“Hm, excuse me.”

You lift your gaze from the book.

There’s a young man standing beside you. He has pitch black hair, fair skin, and honestly the biggest eyes you’ve ever seen. He wears a grey oversized hoodie, black pants and sneakers.

And, for a moment, the world around you seems to stop.

You don’t know exactly why you feel that you can’t breath.

You stare at each other for an embarrassingly long moment before you come back to your senses. You cough and stand up in a jump.

“I-I guess you’re the owner?” you say in an awkward manner. The man blinks and nods; he also seems a bit out of place.

“Y-Yeah!” he smiles. Your heart jumps. He takes the phone. “Thank you so much for waiting. I was going desperate already.”

“It’s alright.” you shrug. “I lose things all the time, too.”

“I hope I didn’t make you late for anything.”

“No! You didn’t.” He did. “It's totally fine.”

You stand in front of each other awkwardly.

There’s something… strange about this man. You can’t tell what. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s extremely good-looking. But for some reason, your heart is beating fast, your stomach is doing flips and you can't look away from him.

"Alright." He coughs. "I'll… I'll get going. Thank you again."

"You're welcome."

You wave at each other and walk away in opposite directions.

You have to exhale heavily. What the hell was that?! Your heart won't stop beating fast. The whole situation was so strange. He also looked somehow-

"Hey! Wait!"

You feel a hand touching your shoulder. You turn around.

It's him again.

He has a small smile on his lips. He analyzes your face with a frown in a puzzled expression.

"Don't we know each other already?" He asks. "I… I have the feeling that we have met somewhere."

You're ready to say no, but as you analyze his features back, you feel a shiver.

You're sure you've never met him in your life.

Yet, at the same time… he looks familiar. Like the memory of a dream. A dream with horses running freely in an open field. A dream with a choir of nuns singing praises in a great church. A dream with stars, with whispered confessions, the sounds of a storm. A river flowing quietly. The smell of soap. The taste of salty tears, a letter marked with mud. Swords and crowns. A white wedding dress.

You feel dizzy.

"I… I don't know." Your mind is confused. "I don't remember very well."

He nods. His smile becomes timid.

"Maybe we could get to know each other?" He offers. "As a way of thanking you for taking care of my phone. We could get some coffee, maybe? Or soda. Or a beer. Or whatever you like."

You remember that there is still a class to attend.

But Mr. Hwang can wait.

"Coffee sounds nice," you say, smiling back at him.

His own smile widens. It's adorable how his eyes are also smiling. "Great! So… what's your name?"

"It's Y/N."

He repeats your name quietly, almost as if tasting it in his tongue. "Nice to meet you, Y/N. My name is Jungkook."

× 2020 ×

Jungkook falls silent when he finally understands what you're saying.

It's painful to see his frown deepening, the confusion disappearing and being replaced by subtle sadness.

You weren't ready for this.

But it has to be done.

"So… you're leaving." He repeats quietly. You nod.

"Yes." It's a shame that you can't even look at his eyes. "You know how this job offer is important to me. I… I couldn’t say no.”

He opens a small smile. This is what hurts the most. “I know. I’m proud of you, Y/N. I know how much you fought for this job.” His smile fades away as he reaches for your hand. “But… I can’t say that being away from you makes me happy.”

“I’m not happy about this either,” you admit. You want Jungkook to understand how much this is being difficult. How much it’s being painful.

“So… how long will you be away?”

You inhale heavily.

“I don’t know.”

Jungkook seems frozen in place.

“You… don’t know?” he repeats quietly. Almost as if he can’t believe what he’s hearing.

The pain becomes stronger.

“The plans are for me to stay indefinitely.”

This is when Jungkook finally realizes why you look so sad.

He leans on the chair and passes his hand on his hair. You see the color draining from his face. Oh no. As stupid as it seems, you don’t want him to suffer… but you knew he would suffer anyway.

“Are you telling me that you’re leaving the country indefinitely?” That look in his eyes… “But Y/N… what about us?”

“We can travel and see each other.”

“None of us have the money to keep traveling around like this.” Jungkook points the obvious. Sure, you expect to have a better salary with this job, but things won’t be easy during the first months.

“We can make it. We’ll figure out what to do.” your own words sound empty, barely a desperate attempt to avoid the obvious.

“How, Y/N? You’re going to the other side of the world and you might never come back.”

You blink rapidly to try to dissipate the tears. “B-But… I don’t want to leave you.”

“You are leaving me.” This sentence felt like a dagger being buried in your heart. Jungkook exhales heavily, trying to calm himself down. He gulps and closes his eyes for a moment.

When he opens them again, he smiles in a reassuring way. Even though he’s hurt, he still tries to console you. This is what breaks you the most. You never understood why he has this habit. You’re so used to it already…

Jungkook reaches for your hand again. “Y/N, I want you to know that I’m truly happy for you. I know how this job is important. You’re going after your dreams. And I… I don’t want to stand in your way.”

“No! You’re not in my way.” You grab his other hand, feeling your heart clench at every minute.

“But I don’t want to trap you here if that’s not what you want for your life.”

“Jungkook!” You call out. This is not how you want things to end - not that you want it to end at all. “We’ve been together for three years. I am with you because I want to. You’re not trapping me.”

He blinks rapidly again. You notice that he’s trying to fight back the tears, just like you. “But I don’t think this relationship will work like this.”

You can’t say anything.

He’s right. You know it. You chose to accept the job offer and leave the country. You knew that neither of you would be able to stay away from each other like this.

“What do you mean…?” you whisper, asking the obvious.

“I mean that we should end now.” You want to say no. But again - you know he’s right. You also don’t want to trap him in a relationship when you’ll be away for most of the time.

You can’t hold back the tears anymore.

“I’m sorry.” you whisper weakly.

“Don’t apologize. We all make our choices, don’t we?” He’s still smiling, but you see no hint of happiness in his eyes. He looks down and presses his lips tightly. “Maybe… maybe in our next life, we’ll be together.”

You don’t know why he said that so suddenly.

But, for some reason, it hits you deep. So deep that you’re left speechless.

Jungkook gets up. “I really wish you’ll be happy, Y/N.”

For a moment, it seems that he wants to say something more. But he doesn’t. Instead, he turns around and walks away.

He’s glad that you can’t see his tears.

He’s also glad that he didn’t have enough time to show you the ring he bought yesterday.

Although the airport is busy, you feel lonely and cold on the inside.

You’ve been staring at nothing for a long time now, sitting alone in the corner. You said your goodbyes to your friends and family; all of them wished you luck and said you made the best decision of your life. Building a good career and being financially successful is all that matters in this world, after all.

But you can’t feel happy.

You tried to convince yourself that changes are difficult. Moving to a different country with a different culture and habits is never an easy task. It will take some time to adapt your mindset to it. You also can't ignore the fact that you’re leaving everyone you know behind; you’ll have to make new friends. All of this is hard. It’s normal to feel a little bit sad.

The thing is - you’re not feeling just a little bit sad.

You actually feel that there’s a deep hole inside your chest.

The image of Jungkook’s sad smile does not left your mind all these days. He looked so devastated, so disappointed… yet still tried to encourage you. He thought that he was being a burden in your life; this is what hurts you the most. Jungkook was never a burden. Ever since you met him that day at the mall, it seems that your life has brighter colors and happiest days. Jungkook understands you like no other person ever did. You two have such a deep connection that you can tell what each other are feeling or thinking even if you don’t say anything. It feels that you’ve known him your entire life, even though you met him only three years ago.

There are times when you have strange dreams with him. They are blurry and hard to remember when you wake up, but sometimes, you see him and yourself in situations you’ve never lived before. It gets even stranger when you remember that you and him were wearing old clothing from centuries ago.

When you told your roommate about your dreams - they started barely a week after you first met him - she laughed at said jokingly:

“Maybe you guys met in a past life.”

You know she wasn’t serious. You’ve never been one to believe in things like reincarnation, and you also didn’t think much of it. But the idea of meeting him in the past - the single fact that you may have existed before - was… unsettling.

Especially because you also had many nightmares with him.

Nightmares in which he was taken away from you, and you could do nothing but cry.

Whenever you had one of those nightmares, although you couldn’t remember them clearly, the bad feeling lingered with you during the whole day. This feeling only vanished when you saw him in front of you. He is here. We are together.

Not anymore.

This is being hard to deal with.

You always dreamed with this job. Actually, living abroad was one of the main objectives in your life. This job opportunity is everything you ever wanted. You shouldn’t be feeling sad like this, not now that you achieved your biggest dream.

Soon, when you settle down and start experiencing the life you always wanted, the sadness will fade away. You had a beautiful however short story with Jungkook. You’ll only carry good memories of him. Having a good and healthy relationship to remember is more than most people have, right?

There’s no reason to feel so bad.

You lift your head when you hear the speakers calling all the passengers for your flight. You get up, straighten your clothes and take the tickets.

The time has come.

You walk to the boarding area, pushing your suitcases with you. This is the beginning of your new life. The new you.

Each step feels heavy.

Your breathing and your heartbeat echoes on your ears. You can’t really focus in anything around.

You’re leaving Jungkook.

But Jungkook himself said that you should do what you wanted. He supported your decision.

You’re leaving Jungkook.

You dream of this career ever since you were a teenager. That’s why you worked so hard up to this day. This is your reward. Many people your age would kill to have this opportunity.

But you’re leaving Jungkook.

You can’t go back now. You have signed your contract. They are waiting for you at-

I will never give up on him.

You stop on your tracks.

I will never rest until we can finally be together.

Time seems to have slowed down.

Why… why did you hear this voice in your head?

It sounded distant… like one of those blurry dreams.

You shake your head and start walking again, but slower this time. Your palms are sweaty for some reason.

It feels as if an invisible force is pulling you back. Something deep within you - something you can’t remember and can’t comprehend - echoes like an alarm. Something you should be aware of, but you can’t figure out what it is, it doesn’t matter how much you try.

A strong feeling of grief. An emptiness. Almost like crying for endless days and nights until you had no tears left to cry. A sadness so deeply rooted that no one would be able to rip out.

A feeling you are familiar with.

Meeting Jungkook was a miracle. Of all the people in this immense world, you came across the one that matches you the most. Many people live their entire lives without meeting someone like this.

And you’re leaving him.

A thought that doesn’t make much sense whispers in your head… nobody, no circumstance, nothing is forbidding your love. Nothing can separate you. For the first time, the Universe isn’t being cruel to you.

The only thing pulling you apart from each other is… yourself.

It’s your choice.

“Ma’am?” you hear a male voice saying. Your sight focuses, and you see the airport security guard looking at you awkwardly, waiting for you to show him your ticket and passport. “Is everything okay?”

The bridge that leads to the plane is right in front of you.

The bridge to your new life.

Not even this war, heaven or hell, not even death will make us part.

We will be together. I swear.

“I can’t.” you whisper. The security guard frowns.

“Excuse me?”

“I-I can’t.” Adrenaline starts to boil your blood. “I need to leave. I need to go back.”

The other passengers look at you with confusion as you walk away from the line. Then you’re running. The suitcases shake with your violent and ungainly run, but you couldn’t care less. You need to leave this airport. You need to meet him. The taxi driver looks scared when you yell, asking for his help to shove the carriers inside of his car. Still, you don’t care about how crazy you look or how people are looking at you.

All you can think of is Jungkook’s galaxy eyes looking at you as if you meant the world to him.

He is your world.

You can’t leave your world behind.

You’re sweating and your hands are shaking and you can’t control your breathing when you finally stop in front of his apartment and knock on the door unceremoniously.

Nervousness and adrenaline creeps on your skin; you’re aware that your hair is probably a mess. You don’t know how he will react. You didn’t think of calling him before coming; that’s just how crazy you are.

The door cracks open and you hold your breath.

Jungkook’s eyes widen when he sees you. He’s wearing sleeping clothing and he’s got bed hair, which should mean he was sleeping, but the bags underneath his eyes tells you the opposite. He looks bad - similar to when he would spend entire nights awake studying for finals, only worse.

It looks like he can’t breath, too.

“Y/N,” the way he says your name makes your heart jump. “W-What are you doing here? I thought you were leaving today…” he looks behind you and notices the suitcases, what makes him frown in confusion.

“Yes.” you nod. “I was supposed to leave today.”

“Supposed?” He is so confused. “Did something happen?”

“Yes.” You sigh deeply before speaking. Your blood feels boiling hot; your stomach twirls and jumps. “I went to the airport. I said goodbye to everyone. I was ready to leave.”

Jungkook just watches you in silence. You see when, slowly, his eyes start to light up again as you speak; they light up with… hope.

“B-But then, I stopped and thought that I would never see you again. And… and I don’t think I can take it.” I can’t take it once again, a voice whispers in your mind. “You said that you wish I’d be happy, but I can’t be happy if I’m not with you.”

The tears start trickling down your cheeks. This time, though, they’re tears of joy.

“I love you, Jungkook. And I’m not waiting for another lifetime to be with you.”

Jungkook engulfs you in a tight hug.

You hug him back just as tight; he kisses the top of your head multiple times and you hear him sniffling. Everything feels right and at place. Being with him is the right thing, regardless of what anyone can think.

From far, you have the slight impression that you hear something… the sound of steel chains breaking apart. Your wrists suddenly feel weightless. Almost as if an invisible force finally lets you go.

Free.

Jungkook leans away but still keeps you close; his eyes and nose are reddish and his face is wet with tears. He has the smile you’ve learned to love. You wipe his tears away. He looks gorgeous, as he always was.

“Hm… I bought you something.” He says sheepishly and puts his hand in his back pocket. “I don’t know if you will like it. I also don’t know if it’s the right time… we’re too young, but… that’s just how I feel about you.”

You have to cover your mouth with your hand when Jungkook takes a beautiful ring in his fingers.

“I-I don’t know if you want this too, but I want to give it to you anyway…”

“Of course I want it!”

Jungkook almost falls back when you throw yourself over him again, tightly embracing your arms around his neck. He laughs and lifts you up, and you lock your legs around his waist.

He takes you inside the apartment. None of you remember about your suitcases outside.

“I am so happy,” Jungkook whispers between the kisses; you feel the happiness radiating from him like a bright light. You only know each other for three years, but it feels as if you’ve been waiting for this moment forever.

Nothing else matters in this moment. Right now, you belong to each other.

You always did.

Nothing in the Universe can change this fact - not even the past, the present, and the future.

“I love you.” Jungkook says, looking deep inside your teary eyes.

“And I always will.”

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