#I’ve gained 4 pounds tho

[st0neymal0neyx0]

I’ve wanted to put on weight for ages but now I have I’m struggling to come to terms with it??? 🫥

[dec4yingdogteeth]

Math wise, a 5 day fast would undo all the weight (fat, not water like actual weight) i gained from binging, most likely.

I know i restricted between the binges as well, so this is probably not 100% accurate. I just went off of math assuming i ate twice the amount I need. i had 4 total binge days, but didn’t gain from thanksgiving/day before which is 2 of them. so i’m assuming one pound of fat gain. (no idea tho since i’ve been avoiding the scale.)

Also i truly have no idea how binging HARD on thanksgiving and the day before didn’t make me gain. I weighed myself after getting back on track a few days after and i was the same. It was weird. But since then have not weighed. Since 2 more binges happened this month so far :(

I hopefully can stop. I don’t care if i binge occasionally but the OCCASIONAL part is important and i’d like to keep it RARE

[barleyboneslife]

Being an xs and still feeling fat, my family is trying to get me to eat more and I’ve “gained” 4 pounds. I’m going to fast for until someone offers me food so I can get back down to 117. I don’t want to be in the 120s idk why but that seems so big to me even tho I can still see my ribs my tummy is so bloated. Everytime they make me eat I’m going to work out so I can try and keep my butt the same size.

I hate having a flat ass.

[amaredeastropulvisdatura3]

I asked my sibling if it looked like if I’ve lost weight, and they said that this is the smallest I’ve been. Instead of feeling euphoric all I felt was disappointment, I’ve just weighed myself and I gained 3 pounds in a matter of 4 months. I figured I’d get a second opinion cause I can’t fucking tell what my body looks like. They’re a pretty blunt person so I’ll always ask for criticism from them, cause they don’t care if your feelings get hurt…but I can’t help to feel like they want to keep me fat so they’re lying to me so I stay around this weight. Idk tho it could just be the sick part of my brain trying to justify my actions.

I desperately need a scale where muscle, fat, and water weight is separated so I can feel more in control. Im saving up money to put towards an step machine and more expensive scale, but it’s difficult when they question/try to see my receipts to make sure I’ve ate.

[beazt]

speaking of which.

weight talk cw/tw below (no numbers, but talk of body changes)

fuckin thought i was losing crazy amounts of weight since starting BJJ. bc I’ve been eating around my BMR each day since long before I started BJJ and have continued this and each BJJ class burns roughly 1/3 more calories per day and I don’t compensate for that by eating more bc I just eat when I’m hungry til I’m full p much.

and on top of that my clothes are getting looser/fitting better, when they were tight before. I swear my stomach and thighs have gotten smaller. and I know for a fact my wrist has gotten smaller, I’ve moved 3 notches tighter on my Fitbit wristband since starting BJJ. which is like 3/4 of an inch.

but I got weighed today and I weigh the exact fucking same (less than half a pound difference which is well within daily variation) as I did before I started BJJ.

either my weight distribution is changing (no idea where it’s going since everywhere in my body feels smaller) or I’m gaining the exact same weight in muscle that I’m losing in fat. lmao

so fuckin weird tho

[gwystyl]

ME buying a size 10 dress and then barely fitting in a size 14 skirt

[doublesidedgemini]

10/4

met my cal goal again for today.

Idk tho, when I look in the mirror I feel really disheartened at my reflection. I gained 60 pounds when I was 22 due to a medication* and I lost half of that weight (ironically, using “healthy” methods lmao) but the years surrounding that weight gain I feel like I was just ignoring what my body looked like/looks like now. I’m still heavier than I want to be and I’ve let all this fat sit on my body so even when I hit my restriction goals it’s like “so what, big deal.”

But it was easier to stick to my cal limit today, at least. And so far, going better than last week! Though I do restrict relatively high at 1k cals a day. I think if I can maintain the rest of this week easily I’ll drop down to 800-900 and see how that goes.

*please take your prescribed meds regardless of side effects <3

[i-wanna-b-skinni-pretti]

I don't know anymore

Hey lovelies, it’s been a while since I’ve logged to ED Tumblr. I hope you’re all doing well, staying hydrated lmao. 

So I decided to recover right, and I completely ditched (well um) diet culture mentality, and stopped calorie counting since this January (for the first time in 4 years). My weight has been stabilizing itself at around the same (regardless of me eating so much more than before) weight for abt 7 months. Kind of happy for that? I mean I gained weight since last year (because I was only eating 200 cals a day, now about 1600-1800), abt 10 pounds but for once I actually have tits (lol) and an actual plump booti hahaha. 

Guys seem to like it apparently. But sometimes I really want to restrict, hate myself; here’s the thing tho, I’ve gotten so much more guys and girls (I’m bi) than before when I was like 100-110 pounds, more attention and compliments because of my frame (I’m abt 120 now). However, I feel like the confidence I have now is based on compliments I got.

I really want to lose 20 pounds, restrict, and shit but I know my frame will be less attractive and my face so much slimmer and more ghost like. I miss looking sick and the control I had. Although I am free from diet culture mentality and don’t have any fear in eating anything, I want to look like a skeleton again, to have people worry abt me (Ik it's bad but idk). 

Again, if I go down this route again I know I will look less desirable, because apparently the vast majority of guys and girls prefer my current frame (I was told I look “fit” and have an “hourglass” body, although it was more prominent when I was skinner). 

Idk anymore y’all, Idk what to do, please help :( I miss y’all here 

[smashedmymirror]

The skinnier i get the fatter i feel, i still feel like i was at my skinniest last year when i was 10 pounds heavier, i have this big event prom thing today, i’m also about to get my period so i weight more than usual and have bad bad cravings i feel so fat and ugly and huge i gained 4 pounds in 2 days due to my period tho i’ve been eating 200 calories or less a day and working out a shit ton, i feel like it’s all so pointless and i’ve worked for nothing at all, why is this happening i was doing so good i was so proud of myself i just want to die

[healthyhopefully]

Im Back...

it’s been a couple of years since I’ve really used this account because i hit my goal weight of 145. i maintained a weight between 145-155 for about two years after hitting my goal up until now, the past 3 to 4 maybe even 5 months (its hard to gauge time these days lol) I’ve gained more weight than i have wanted it started out me trying to eat to gain muscle but it turned into over eating and under exercising i’m currently 166 pounds as of today that’s after eating I know i shouldn’t weigh myself after eating but i know my body. im about 20 pounds heavier today than i was this day last year, i try not to be too hard on myself because of quarantine and covid has made this year a lot different from what anyone couldve expected. im just back to try and keep myself motivated and lose this little bit of weight i know i can do this ive lost more before so this shouldnt be too hard my goal date is somewhere around valentines day lol im wanna feel sexy again by then my weight gain has brought me back to an old place i dont like even tho 15 or 20 pounds may not seem like a lot to some the feeling of my clothes being too tight hurts a lot i dont wanna to feel like that anymore ive felt that feeling plenty of times in this life lol im good off that so im getting it together right now  

IM BACK AGAIN💀 and heavier than ever before I’m currently 230 which is crazy asf I had got to 235 but I was also getting my period so idk if that contributed lol ,a lot of things have added to this weight gain but I’m back on my health journey and I want to feel good about myself again I would love to just be 166 again I thought I was huge then but I’ve gained so much in a short amount of time. I love myself and I’m done treating my body like trash I’ve been attempting to eat healthier and lower calories for the past 2 and a half maybe 3 weeks , I’ve been tracking calories and I starting exercising again a few days ago . I feel alot better already just knowing I’m in control because I’ve felt so out of control these past few months I definitely know wishing the past 3-4 months I’ve gained 30 lbs which has me at my heaviest so it made me do some introspection I know I’m an emotional eater and I went way overboard I got trapped in a terrible cycle that I don’t want to go through again. Covid was the initial trigger to my binge eating issues and basically my addiction to sugar got reignited, before that I had kept my weight off for over 2 +years until the quarantine and things have just went downhill from there. I had got trapped at a job I hated after the quarantine which made me eat more to numb my feelings and make me feel like I have more joy in my life that I was dreading back then. But enough rambling, I just want to use this as a journey or me talking about my feelings and documenting my weight loss journey again… the first time was so hard and this time is gonna be even harder but I just know I can do it, I don’t want this weight to define me I don’t feel like I’m who I can be . My whole heart is in this fitness journey .

[evlxa]

so I weighted myself this morning and that was a big mistake. even tho I've lost weight I feel like I gained some instead and I know I lost some but its not as exciting because I already weighted that much like last month but hopefully I lose 4 to 6 more pounds and ill be kinda okay with myself but then Ill have another goal.

[from-now-to-forever]

Weekly weight in Feb 23-29

Current weight: 304

Last week 302.5

Loss/gain 1.5 pounds

Total loss: 6 lbs

Ok well that's discouraging. But it's fine. It's mostly cuz I just started my period today and there is always this weird weight fluctuation thing due to bloating and stuff. But i will say a 1.5 lb weight fluctuation for me personally on my period is pretty low I usually gain 3 to 4 lbs so that probably means I've lost something the scale just isn't showing it. God I really don't enjoy my period, But it's whatever It's actually pretty manageable. I know some people who just have God awful ones.

I've felt pretty blah these past few days so I didn't track my calories as well as I could have which probably means I did go over. BUT I didn't go completely out of control like in the past. I tried to eat healthy and was still mindful of what I ate. I also as usual need to drink more water because I'm forgetful and will just for get to drink water.

I walked alot more than usual this week. Now that was more put of necessity that healthy decision making. I'm trying to rent an apartment and had to walk to them for a tours. I already miss the stove. I like to bake, tho baking and weight loss don't really go together. Whatever its an apartment of college kids I'll give stuff to my roommates and neighbors.

In all honesty I'm feeling pretty lame but i gotta stay positive and expect my best. I'm not letting this bring me down.

~stay bright sunshine

[kaisoo-catalogue-beta-blog]

Hello ~ wish you the best with your blog. I'm craving for some wolfau. Thank you

Hello there, i really feel you dear, like during the winter break, i’ve been craving for ginger bread and gained 4 pounds. When i returned to the college, nothing is fitting anymore, and now i’m stuck to leggings and long sweaters, and i’m not referring to the pinterest version, no, the grandma version.

Now back to your ask!

I’ve been reading a lot of wolfau fic last year, and what i noticed was that most of them were written back in 2013, “it has something to the with exo comebacks, i guess”. So, what i’ll do is to share with you the latest fics i read and then the ones that had marked me.

p.s. some of the descriptions you’ll be reading are mine and have nothing to do with the descriptions the authors put on their fics “They’re classy folks, i’m the crazy bia*ch”

Latest wolfau fics:

Omega Nini: This is the latest fic i’ve read two days ago, and i can say that Jongin reminds me of my little sister. Hear me out: the wolf is a bully and pushy and makes you wanna punch his cute face, in the outside, but in the inside he’s just so fluffy, a mall of fluffiness “if that makes any sense”, and Kyugsoo was able to see that and not be fooled by the book’s title. I don’t want to give any further spoiler and urge you to go and read it.

BITE: So Kyungsoo is not really a wolf but is a vampire who was living the quite discrete life until he met wolf Jongin, you read that, i know you did, now the cherry on top is that the fic is based on the twilight saga…no more spoiler guys go and read.

Golden: Kyungsoo is a vampire again, “i’m just so in love with supernatural sh*t”, and he was always lonely “you guys know how dramatic vampires can be” so Baekhyun “my hero in this story” kept pushing him into meeting people, and i guess you have an idea who he met, but how? you folk have to read the story.

Neighbour Omega: you know the saying “plot what plot?”, you don’t? then go and read this human Jongin x Omega Kyungsoo au.

The Alpha: This made me so emotional, i literally cried reading it because, it’s about being selfless. So Jongin is an alpha who has responsibilities, and has to make a choice: Be with his lover or be with his pack.

Bye Bye Sadness (Hello My Love): So kaisoo is an established couple who are seeking for happiness, “like who isn’t, really”

In the Morning: So Kyungoo is an old-times-life-coach and Jongin is an alpha who just fell in love from first sight, and who didn’t guys like seriously who didn’t fell in love with Kyungsoo from first sight.

A Promise: Omega Kyungsoo is forced to marry alpha Jongin to save his family and kingdom. The story is slightly …really slightly based on game of thrones.

Our Season : A love abo story, as simple and sweet as any love story could be where Kyungsoo is an omega who’s soulmate is the mot perfect alpha who ever sit foot on alternative universe earth. 

Your Love, My Moonshine: Kyungsoo is on a looking-for-a-soulmate journey.

Something In The Mist: So Jongin went to visit his granny and there he heard about the local scary story evolving around the mystical mist that cover the island at nightfall, and he might and might not have met some wolf there. Have to read the story to find out.

Hybrid Hyperbole: The history of the wolf hybrids is one of desolation and anguish, but which side is to blame? A headstrong Omega is out to make that very clear, causing repercussions that he might not be able to deal with and attracting attention that causes his world, heart and values to change. 

Without Measure: Baekhyun “my hero again” is making sure that everything is perfect for Jongin’s birthday surprise this year, by having Kyungsoo, his best friend, plan it with him. Coincidentally, Kyungsoo and Jongin have a long, messy history, but Baekhyun just wants the two Alphas to be happy again. 

The Knot Box® : This is pure crack, and the smut is insane. I’ll just copy past the description because there’s nothing else to add “go and check” Kyungsoo is an alpha delivery guy for The Knot Box®. Jongin unhappily discovers that he’s an omega just before opening the door for a delivery. The meet, meet again, and years later find themselves working together for Wolf Pack, an a/b/o care package start-up.   

If It Wasn’t For You (I’d Be On My Own) :Humans and wolves had found ways to coexist in peace for centuries, but that’s all it was. Coexisting. Their worlds weren’t supposed to collide any further than maybe working in the same office building or being cordial neighbors. But when Kyungsoo discovers that his mate seems to be an improbable link between humans and wolves, him and his pack, EXO, find themselves in the very epicenter of a species war 20 years in the making. 

Anosmia: omega Kyungsoo saw his heat triggered when a new pack came to town, and of course everyone freaked out, because hello! It’s kyungsoo we’re talking about ;)

Old stories i loved:

Actually, i loved all the stories i listed above because i don’t rec a fic i didn't read. The only difference is that the ones listed bellow are really old “some of them are 6 years old from when exo has debuted”, some of them must be really popular to the fandom but since i’m new, i only heard about them like last year.

Alpha Male: Jongin a human high school student, living his life daydreaming “i mean who didn’t daydream during high school, it’s what made that hell bearable”  and then mysterious Kyungsoo got into his life, did some hocus pocus things with his mind, they became rivals, Kyungsoo got even physical like “you don’t know me, you don’t know my mama, you don’t know my papa, stay away” and this is where the story started.

It Has To Be You “A Wolf Boy Chronicles:  Human, again, Jongin “lucky b*stard” is living his life peacefully, one day Kyungsoo came and called him “love” and Jongin freaked out, “like i understand why Jongin freaked out, me in his shoes i would kick Kyungsoo on the balls. No just kidding, kyungsoo before me= die happily”. Sh*t went down when Jongin found out that he’s a wolf and a bitter Chanyeol got into the picture. The story is still on-going since 2015 BUT last time i checked the author is still alive, so we still have chance folks…hopefully. 

(Before The Night Is Over) Come See Me : This one is just so fluffy, hear me out, Kyungsoo is a vampire who’s wife has died because of humans so he went into a long sleep until one day he woke up and boom, Jongin, a wolf kid, is his soulmate who ate his chicken and messed with his palace garden.

Moonlight Love : Well Kyungsoo is a vampire who hates werewolves and Jongin is just a sweet cinnamon roll pup who’s longing for some attention.  While reading the story you can’t but smile and frown in the same time.

Better Than Good :Plot what plot in a good way tho. 

That’s it folks, hope you’ll like this rec and see you soon.

[jurassick]

This is long and I’m just using Tumblr as a diary so you can ignore. Thx.

2018 was wild. But also kinda good?

I was going to DBT group that was actually led by my therapist. (I didn’t get anything out of it, but I enjoyed going)

I reconnected with my best friend who I missed a whole fucking lot. (Who I just got to see and !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m so happy. It sucks that she lives like 20 hours away now tho lol)

But I was cutting and drinking a lot in January and February. My therapist sent me to the hospital Feb 13th and I spent Valentine's day in a small ER room all alone. They sent me back to the psych ward and my idiot doctor kept me there for 2.5 weeks. He told me after being there for 10 days that he didn’t think I had improved at all since I came in and I honestly wanted to just get up, throw my chair through the window and jump :)

Then I spent 3 weeks in an out patient program. Which was ok. I have been there before and everyone is super nice.

Then I went to just seeing my therapist two times a week. I told her about my b/ping and sexual abuse and it felt nice. But she really wanted me to go to residential at timberline knolls in Chicago bc I was still Sad and cutting, but I refused to go someplace hundreds of miles away for two months so. I was so anxious about it that I gained 40 pounds in 2 months. Then I just stopped going to see her bc I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

Then I started actually doing better bc I just fucking refused to be sick enough to go to residential treatment.

Until July 13th, when my brother and I drove my grandma 4 hours to her home. That night at 11:30 she had a massive stroke and I watched her die while waiting for the ambulance to get there.

I then sat with my brother in the ER for 20 minutes listening as they failed to bring her back. That was the worst day on my life.

I stayed with my mom at my grandma's house for a week while we planned the funeral and packed everything up. I wrote the eulogy and it almost killed me.

I think the only thing that got me through that was that I had just gotten to spend a week straight with my grandma. And that my brother and I were there when she passed, bc who knows when she would have been found.

I started drinking again after that, so I started seeing my therapist again and she said that my grandma wouldn’t want me to use her as an excuse for self destructing, which really hit me and I started to be okay again. 

I started school, taking two classes, and it actually went pretty well. I’ve had to withdraw the last 4 semesters bc I wanted to kill myself real bad like a third of the way through lol. 

I also got a job with a woman I absolutely love. She is the best and I am actually creating stuff that I like and am proud of. And getting paid!! She has an adorable family and I’m v happy.

Right now I’m struggling with depression a little bit. I take 2 to 3 hour naps everyday, shower like once a week, and I am binging several times a day. 

BUT. I have been creating fun things for work and I just finished the semester with two As!!!

I have also not cut in like 6 months which is a major accomplishment for me and yay!!!!

Anddd I got taken off one of my antidepressants, so I only take 10 pills a day instead of 11 lmfao.

Some really bad things, but some pretty good things. I've gained 60 pounds this year which is So Fun. But I also don't constantly want to kill myself so progress. 🤙

2019 is gonna be lit. 

[grizzzlybaby]

so i’ve had an eating disorder for a year now and at first it was great and i lost a ton of weight and i never ate. but when i got to my goal weight i started to get lazy. i only gained 10 pounds but i started to binge. i’m trying to get back to how it was in the beginning, today i chose a salad instead of pizza today and only had 2 bread sticks. im counting that as progress because normally i would have eaten 4 + pieces of pizza and bread. my stomach hurts so bad tho and im on my period :(

[alvadee]

victor really lost so much weight 1970/71. i know, i’ve said it before. i don’t have exact numbers but from what he said and comparing photos we’re probably talking of around 150 pounds. The next ca 7 years he stayed between 250 and 330 pounds which for a man of his height (6′4′’) really isn’t that bad.

(Beneath the Planet of the Apes (1970) & The Wrath of God (1972))

and you know why he still gets remembered as being very heavy, like at his King Tut times in the late 60s? Because during the years he was slimmer, aka the early and mid 70s, he just did TV and theater. The only big motion picture he was in during that time was “The Wrath of God”. 

Just talking about it because I read two days ago that this was the main reason why he didn’t get roles in big productions anymore. they told his manager they preferred his “Old Look”. which i suspected but, damn it made me... really mad.

i mean, i don’t prefer relatively svelte victor over heavier victor. not from a looks point of view or a morally one. it is nice to know though that it was true when he said he was happy being fat and he could diet himself down if needed, he just didn’t want to. bcs it’s really rare to hear from someone who is fat and genuinely happy. anyway. he went a lot up and down with his weight since the beginning of his career. like really, A LOT. there’s barely a year where he stayed at the same weight. he’d gain weight for roles and then crash diet down again, when he did stage acting he also usually lost some weight naturally and there are obviously also personal reasons, like that in the summer heat his appetite wasn’t as big and such. in short, his weight was basically constantly fluctuating which we know now is unhealthier than staying at the same weight (yes, even if it is high). he got himself thoroughly checked though by doctors every year and as he said they were always astounded at how healthy he was. 

Victor’s only comment I could find on why he decided to loose more weight this time and keep it off more permanently was in a newspaper from Oct 1971: “I love food but I love applause more. So I want to replace one with the other and add an extra 20 years to my career. At 33, I shouldn’t be tired enough for it to affect my work at the end of the day.” He feels he could continue down the scale from 300 pounds but he probably won’t. “What would I do with myself at 190 pounds?”

i guess what makes me mad is that he probably sacrified his health by constantly gaining and loosing weight for his job and still got mocked for his weight (like every fat person is) and when he got thinner his career suffered. but it doesn’t matter because four years before his death he gained most of the weight back (idk why, could be personal reasons, for example his mother died, for his career or for no reason at all). so because of that i still have to read sometimes articles about him where, even though the writer clearly likes him as an actor, they write about his untimely death at 43 from a heart attack like it was obviously his payback for being fat. i really hate the smugness that often comes across when they do that. 

i’m not saying that didn’t play any role in his early death, that would be naive but i hate the attitude that when fat people die strangers always seem to become a doctor/coroner and know for a fact that being fat killed them. i mean, victor also smoked a lot. that could have played a role. or the damn weight fluctuantions! and it’s not like thin middle aged men aren’t also constantly dropping dead from heart issues out of nowhere. and again, victor got himself regulary checked. i’m pretty sure if he knew he had to change something about his lifestyle to stay healthy he would have. i just wish they’d talk about his untimely death as tragic as it was without always pointing at his weight as way of adding “he had it coming tho”. luckily not all do it, some are very respectful, but the ones that do really irk me.