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lovenhlboys · 4 years ago

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From a Distance (E.Pettersson X Reader)

Chapter 1

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A/n: hello peoples!! I’m so excited to FINALLY post the first chapter of this fic!!! I’ve been working on it for a long time, and after a few unpleasant delays, it’s finally happening 😁. While this isn’t my first fic, this is my first NHL fic, and the first fic I’m posting on Tumblr, so I’m a little nervous. This first chapter is mostly the set up to the main story, this is reader’s side of things with a flashback story. Chapter two will be mostly from Elias’s point of view. The rest of the chapters will switch back and fourth between the two.

CREDIT: Finally, before we get started I have to shout out my proofreaders. Y’all put up with me and my insanity: @siriushxney @iateyourdonuts @petey-patty @hufflepuff-girlx @cherrylita @immmbabyyygraceee @💕💕And specifically @imagines-r-s ASH!!! Babes, you have been the best and most supportive friend I could’ve asked for during this. You boosted my confidence about this fic and I have no idea what I’d do without you 😁😁

Without further ado, let’s get started shall we!! (Sorry for the long A/N, it’ll only be for this first chapter)

Paring: Elias Pettersson X Fem!Reader

Warnings: lots of cursing, friends with benefits but like...just cuddling???, references to iCarly, mentions of One Tree Hill.

Genere: enemies-ish —>friends —> lovers

Legend: (i suggest having these ready before you read)

Y/C/N/N= your cute nick name, only Markstrom calls you it (you’ll see why) this can be either a pet name you like, or a nick name you already have.

Y/N/N= your nick name, Brock, Quinn, and a few others call you this, it’s more of a playful name. Again, this can be a nickname you already have (if you don’t have one I suggest something stupid (sounds like something Stech or Brock would come up with)

Y/N= this is your first name, only Elias calls you this unless it’s a serious situation, or you’re in trouble, or Brock is being an ass. (If it wasn’t clear before...your last name is Boeser)

Word Count: 2.2k

Summary: you have a hardcore crush on your brothers best friend, who also happens to barely speak to you...it’s a slight predicament.

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(This is set in the 2021 season, however, because of my denial, Marky and Stech are still in Vancouver and were never traded... also no Covid. however the season was still delayed just to make it easier to follow.)

Present (Feb. 2021)

You’ve always been best friends with your older brother, you never had any real issues when you were younger and you were inseparable. So much so in fact, that once you graduated early a little less than two years ago (June 2019), he asked you to move to Vancouver and live with him. He was always so protective of you and you appreciated everything he has done in your life. One of the best parts about Brock being your older brother was the people he introduced to you. You aren’t very social and god knows how much of a people person your brother is. Once you had moved in, Brock quickly introduced you to the team. And with your double major in Statistics: Data Sciences and Sports Management, you were able to secure a job with the team. Quickly, you found yourself with a second family, one with many members.

Quinn Hughes is your best friend. when you met him about a year and a half ago, you hit it off immediately. With both of you being the same age and not very social, there was an obvious connection there. When Brock and The boys go out, it is you and Quinn who stay in and watch shows on the couch (your favorite being New Girl). Huggy Bear is so sweet and you tell him EVERYTHING, even things you’d never tell your brother. You are still thanking the draft lottery every day that the Canucks received the 7th overall pick that gave you your bestie.

Thatcher Demko AKA Dems AKA Thatch AKA baby goalie is the sweetest and most hilarious guy you know. He is always looking after you just like Brock, but he is also one of the most annoying guys you know. When you’d first met you had the biggest crush on him. You told Quinn as much and he gave you so much shit for it. That crush was short-lived though, once you found out how obnoxious he could be. You still love him, just as a friend. Though Quinn never forgets to remind you of the crush that once was.

Bo Horvat is like another big brother to you. Sure you have Brock, but he’s your best friend. Bo, however, is the person you go to when you needed advice. Holly is one of the only WAGs you’ve become close with. She and you consistently have wine and gossip nights, of which Quinn is sometimes in attendance. Plus, you and Quinn are an amazing babysitting team for Gunnar if you have anything to say about it.

Troy Stecher is the annoying older brother you never had. He always makes fun of you, calls you names, and bullies you in the loving way brothers do. And he never hesitates to come to you if he ever needs girl advice, which seems to happen a lot.

JT was just like Bo, except he is waaay more protective of you, maybe even a bit more than brock. He doesn’t have a sister and when you met, he made it his job to never see you get hurt. Seriously, one day a guy was bugging you at the bar, and both Brock and Bo were struggling to hold him back when he saw him slap you on the ass as you walked away.

Jacob Markstrom, AKA Marky, AKA Giraffe (pronounced like it is in one of your favorite vines), AKA your cuddle buddy for the past few seasons. Both being single, you felt lonely sometimes and Quinn wasn’t much of a hugger (despite what the nickname might have you believe). Thatcher had offered but Marky, though just as social, is much more laid back. It also helps that he is 6’6 putting him over a foot taller than you. So during movie nights, or late nights at the bar, he is the side you lean on. Of course, you made it abundantly clear to most of the boys and yourselves that you were just friends. As sweet as he was and as great of a boyfriend as he would’ve been, he wasn’t quite your type and your personalities clashed.

Then there was Elias Pettersson, the tall, skinny, Swedish guy you knew as Petey. The guy who looked at you often and barely spoke a word directed towards you. He was Brock's best friend and he came over all the time, you didn’t have an issue with him, and you couldn’t deny he was funny, and from what you’ve heard he is a very kind person. So naturally, he was exactly your type. You’ve had a massive crush on him for a while now, somehow despite the lack of conversation. And the few times he has talked to you, he’s seemed so perfect, but there are only a few times you can remember.

Right now, as you're on your way to the Canuck’s break room your brother texted you to meet him in, you try to recall those few times, specifically the one where your crush on him truly developed.

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FLASHBACK (some time in January, 2020)

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You, Quinn, and Jacob were laying on the L-shaped couch in ‘The Boeser apartment’, you were cuddled under the blanket with Jacob, laying on the section perpendicular to the TV, your heads at the corner. Quinn was on the other side of the couch, his head right next to yours. it was about 7 o’clock and the episode of One Tree Hill you were watching had just ended and you three had not eaten dinner yet. As the countdown for the next episode started, your stomach growled and you got a look from Quinn and a giggle from Jacob.

“You hungry Y/C/N/N?” Jacob asked.

You looked up at him and giggled, “maybe just a little bit.”

“Y/N/N, you know what sounds amazing?” Quinn asked, you could hear the smirk in his voice.

You turned to each other and you both smirked knowing you were thinking the same thing.

“Spaghetti tacos!!” You both said.

Ever since you were about 10 and you watched iCarly on TV, you had always wanted to try them. It had become an inside joke between you and Quinn for quite some time as he had the same desire as you to see how good they actually were.

“We should totally try them tonight!!” Quinn was quite excited.

“I’m so confused right now,” Jacob chimed in.

“They’re from a show! They take spaghetti and put it in taco shells,” you explained.

“Ahh, hence the name.” he nodded.

“Exactly,” Quinn said.

You jumped up from the couch excitedly and ran straight to your kitchen.

“Ok, we have spaghetti, spaghetti sauce, ground beef, taco shells, aaaand..... by chance do either of you know how to make good meatballs?”

“You’re asking the Swedish guy if he knows how to make meatballs?” Jacob replied.

“Not Swedish meatballs, Italian, stupid Giraffe,” you retorted.

“Gross,” he said with a disgusted look.

“Ooo my mom made the best Italian meatballs, let me call her to see if she can send me the recipe!” Quinn said with a big smile.

Quinn exited the kitchen and ran to your room to call his mom.

“You know, I’ve never seen him so excited about anything,” Marky said with a laugh.

“Quinn loves his food,” you replied.

“Are Brock and Thatch having dinner with us ?”

“I’ll ask.”

You started boiling the water for the pasta, and you cooked part of the ground beef for the meat sauce. Then you texted Brock:

Y/N/N: hey, you want me to make you dinner

Brock: Yeah, who all is there?

Y/N/N: the usual

Brock: Huggy and Marky?

Y/N/N: yep, so do you want some?

Brock: Yeah, and make enough for another person too

Y/N/N: ok

You figured it was Dems since that’s who he went to hang out with when he left 5 hours ago.

You continued to cook when Quinn came in and grabbed a bunch of stuff from the pantry and cabinets. “Did your mom tell you how to make them?” you questioned your frantic best friend.

“Yes she did and she sent me the recipe too.”

“Coolio,” you reply.

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You were almost done cooking, the pasta was done, Quinn had put his meatballs in the oven and there were only 5 minutes left on the timer. And the sauce had about 2 minutes to simmer.

“Oh my gosh, I forgot what to do when they're almost done, she does this thing, I have to call her,” Quinn said with a panicked look on his face. He ran back to your room.

The front door to your apartment opened quickly, both boys laughing, “ahh, shit, my brother’s calling me,” Brock said as he ran back to his room.

“Why does everyone feel the need to exit the room for phone calls?” you asked Jacob.

He shrugged with a giggle, “I don't know, maybe they don’t trust us,” he said in a sarcastically dramatic tone grasping his chest.

The door closed slowly and you glanced at the doorway where you thought you’d see the ever adorable goalie, Thatcher Demko, instead, you saw the adorable, slender, tall blonde you’d seen all the time, but never had a one on one interaction with... except the first time you met, when he told you that you looked pretty.

“Hi, Petey!” Jacob said as he slipped behind you to watch you mix the sauce, he stood over you looking at the sauce and put his hand on your waist.

“Hi,” he replied, his smile from before had faded.

“Looks so good Y/C/N/N,” Jacob said with a kiss on your cheek, a regular action.

“Thanks, Giraffe, can you grab the taco shells?”

He grabbed them easily from the top shelf (tall ass bitch -_-), and moved behind you, placing his hands on your waist yet again, to move you to the side. “I've gotta run to the bathroom, but I’ll be right back”

“Ok, you have fun with that,” you said with a wink.

Suddenly, was only you and Elias in the room, and the silence was deafening.

“So what are we eating?” he said, pulling your attention to his bright blue eyes.

“Um, spaghetti tacos, they're from a tv sho-”

“Like from iCarly?” he interrupted.

“...Uh yeah? How'd you know?” you couldnt pull your attention away from his eyes, ‘they are just so beautiful,’ you thought somehow you hadnt noticed this within the on and a half years you’d known him.

“We also get Nickelodeon, you know,” he said while throwing you a smirk that made your stomach flip.

“Oh, I didn't know that,” you replied, feeling just a little embarrassed.

“iCarly was my favorite, actually.”

“Yeah, it was mine too,” you said, smiling back, looking at the way he just lit up your kitchen with his presence.

You both stood there for a second just looking at the other, “So how long have-,” he started.

“OKAY,” Quinn unknowingly interrupted, “so she told me what to do, turns out I have to put sauce over them for the last 2 minutes, so Y/N/N can you just put a tablespoon of sauce on each ball then put them back in for two minutes?”

“Yeah of course. Elias, you were saying?” you looked back at the Swede.

“Oh it's nothing,” he looked down at his shoes.

“Ok, Y/N/N you need to call mom and tell her we’re fine and that she doesn't need to worry about us please, Paul says she’s stressing,” Brock said as he entered the room.

“When is she not stressing about us? I’ll call her after dinner, how's dad?”

“Doin’ good, nothing has changed or progressed or whatever since we were home last,” Brock moved and sat on the couch letting out a big sigh.

“That’s good,” you let out a sigh.

“Petey, come here, we’re watching Gossip Girl” Brock shouted at the Swede.

“Ooo what episode are you guys on?” you asked. Brock had mentioned how he was making him watch the show you two had watched about 5 times together.

“Just after Chuck gets Dan kidnapped at Yale.”

“Oh so you still hate Chuck?” you asked Elias.

“Ew, yeah...wait is that gonna change?” Petey said with a scoff.

“Uh....,” you stalled.

“Y/N shut up, don't spoil it,” Brock interrupted before you could make it worse.

“Ok well, dinner is ready so just start the show after and we can all watch it together.”

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“Oh my god, these are actually amazing,” Quinn said with his mouth full.

“I know, I did not think this was gonna taste good,” Jacob added.

“Hey!” you said, offended.

“Y/C/N/N, you know I love your cooking, it was the idea of the meal that I doubted,” Jacob said leaning into your side and putting his arm around your shoulder.

“Mmmhmm, suuure,” you said, rolling your eyes.

“Hallå Marky, ni två är söta (hey Marky, you two are cute),” Petey said, confusing you, Quinn and Brock with the sudden change in language.

Jacob, being oblivious to what Petey was implying, just said, “tack broder (thanks, bro).”

Little did you know what was going on in Elias’s head.

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PRESENT

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Before that night, you never really thought of Elias in a romantic way. You'd been around him quite a lot, seeing as how, seemingly, is in your apartment more than his own. Sure, you knew he was cute and very sweet from what you'd seen, but up until that point, you'd never had a one-on-one interaction with him. That interaction, however small, was the beginning of an obsessive crush. Quinn was the first to point it out, you started listening closely any time he talked, attempting to converse with him, and thinking about him on a daily basis even when you didn't see him. And due to your stubbornness, no matter how unrequited your crush seemed, it never faltered. You had always thought he hated you, or maybe he just tolerated you because you were Brock’s sister, and you were always around.

However, that couldn't be farther from the truth.

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Tag list: @calgarycanuck @suffering-canucks-fan

#from a distance: series #pls let me know what you think!!#hockey #nhl #elias pettersson #vancover canucks #elias pettersson fic #brock boeser #elias pettersson x reader #elias pettersson imagines #elias pettersson imagine #vancouver canucks imagines #vancouver canucks fic #hockey fic #nhl fic #nhl imagine #nhl imagines #hockey imagine #hockey imagines

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ampintherain · 4 years ago

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I’m Yours:

Charlie Gillespie x Reader

Chapter IV

Y/N is Kenny Ortega’s ‘niece’ after going through a rough breakup, Kenny decides to fly her over to stay with him, will her broken heart mend?

(Female Reader, NO SMUT, Romance, Friendship, THIS IS MY FIRST EVER FANFIC/IMAGINE, I hope it’s good, Kenny is lifelong family friend so reader calls him Uncle Kenny. I’m British so the writing is going to be British so like ‘mum’ not ‘mom’ yanno?)

TW- swearing. mentions of alcohol, drugs & divorce

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Y/N

“Doll, you ready to go?” Kenny asked as he shrugged on his coat, we had been at Tori’s for a good three hours and I could see Kenny was getting tired and we did have a really long day tomorrow, I nodded at my uncle happily before bidding farewell to my new found friends. I found it quite strange as to how quickly they had befriended me and made me feel more than welcome- Charlie especially, I mean throughout the day he asked me if I was alright and he encouraged me to share my ideas with Uncle Kenny, it really was strange.

“See you tomorrow Y/n” Owen chirped, pulling me in for a quick hug, I was soon passed round through the group of friends each of them giving me a tight hug which I gladly reciprocated, I waved everyone a final goodbye before Kenny and I left Tori’s apartment and made our way back to the car.

As Uncle Kenny drove through the streets of Vancouver, I paid most attention to the lights displayed throughout, I watched as birds flew through the sky and listened to the soft sound of the radio, “you okay Y/n?” Uncle Kenny questioned,

“Hm?” I said, as the questioned tore me out of my unknown daydream, I turned to face my uncle Kenny and before he could repeat himself, my brain managed to process what he originally asked “oh oh yeah, I’m fine Uncle Kenny, just sight seeing” I laughed quietly,

“Okay, just making sure, I’m worried about you...” Kenny admitted, I had a feeling that he was but he just didn’t want to draw attention to me and my situation, I have always been very good at hiding my emotions it came from years and years of being told that my emotions and the way I felt weren’t ‘necessary’ and that I shouldn’t feel the way I did- in the end, I decided to no longer tell anyone my problems but deal with them myself, battling through the pain as a lone warrior, I didn’t even tell Kenny what was going on, I built up layers of walls around me to protect myself and make it seem like I was this strong, capable woman. “You’re only 19, Y/n, I know you’re strong but... I just want you to know that I am here should you ever need me” I nodded in response, worried that if I did speak, my voice would give way and I would be revealed as this weak character, I’ve already cried once today and I’m not planning on crying anymore, not in front of Kenny at least.

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Kenny locked the door behind me as we both entered the apartment, “do you want a drink or anything Uncle Kenny?” I questioned as I made my way into the kitchen, opening the fridge and taking out the carton of orange juice,

“No you’re alright Star, I’m just going to head to bed, I’ll wake you up at 7 alright?” He assured me, I nodded as I sipped at my juice, I looked at the digital clock placed on the side- 12:00am, luckily I had sorted through all of my clothes before going to set and again before going to Tori’s because, quite honestly, I hadn’t the energy to do much at this point, I watched as my uncle wandered into his room, closing the door behind him. I let out a deep breath, the thoughts of a few nights ago coming back into my memory, replaying itself there, why wasn’t I good enough? I did absolutely everything I could for him... I loved him with everything I had... why wasn’t I good enough?

I kept asking myself, it was truly lost on me, I didn’t see myself as this perfect girl, this perfect girlfriend but I knew what I did for him. I was there for him when his dad spiralled, turning to alcoholism and drug abuse, I was there whenever he called, whenever he showed up randomly at my house at 4 in the morning crying and looking for a cuddle, I made sure to visit him mum every Tuesday evening for dinner because Zac wanted to move out once his parents split, deciding to live with his grandparents instead. We were even thinking about moving in together... well him moving in with me as I had already had my own place at 18. That boy was my entire world for 3 years and the fact that he could throw it all away so easily, really hurt me, and I don’t think it was anything that I could understand ever.

The thought alone caused my heart to feel crushed, it felt like Zac had a hold of my heart and whenever I thought about it, he just squeezed my heart as hard as he possibly could, it felt like a gut wrenching type of pain, I wiped away the tears that I didn’t even realise were spilling quickly out of my eyes. I cleared my throat and drank the rest of my juice before making my way to bed, I changed into my grey cable knit sweater and my plaid shorts and clambered into the large double bed, snuggling into the comfort that the bed brought me before I let sleep take over me.

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“Rise and shine” Kenny said quietly into my bedroom, I groaned as I stretched in bed, “morning sleepyhead” he chuckled,

“Morning” I mumbled, scratching the back of my head, Kenny told me that we’d be leaving in 20 minutes, “okay, I’ll see you in 20” I smiled, sliding out of bed and heading into my closet, I grabbed my white tennis skirt, white shirt and dark blue sweater, I paired the outfit with white tennis socks and my white and blue Nike Jordan’s that Uncle Kenny bought me for Christmas. I placed my clothes on my bed and went for a quick shower, this time I dried my hair before chucking it up into a high ponytail, I brushed my teeth and did some light makeup again before changing and grabbing my phone off the side,

“Let’s go” I stated as I made my way over to Kenny,

“You look amazing” he smiled genuinely at me, I thanked him and we made our way back to the set of his new show.

“So... how did you sleep?” Kenny asked me,

“Oh really well thank you, that bed was huge, you could fit like five of me in there” I joked, just as my phone chimed, I looked down at the lit screen to see messages from the one person I didn’t want to hear from.

Zac- Hey, where are you? I came to your place to see you and you weren’t there...

I rolled my eyes and groaned internally before locking my phone and sinking into my seat, “what’s on your mind?” Uncle Kenny asked immediately, I swear it’s like this man lives in my brain. I turned my phone on vibrate just as another text came through,

“It’s nothing Uncle Kenny” I sighed, the man driving next to me simply hummed in response, he definitely didn’t believe me but I knew he wasn’t going to push for answers- he never did, he would always let me come to him if I needed and that was one of the things I loved most about him. I could feel my phone constantly vibrating in my hand whilst Kenny was driving, so I turned it on do not disturb just to try and escape it.

“Alright kiddo, we’ve arrived” Kenny said as he swiftly parked up, I went to unbuckle myself but Kenny stopped me, “you don’t have to tell me right now, but I am here, you know I won’t judge you like your parents” he explained, I sighed and leant over to rest my head on his arm,

“I know Uncle Kenny... it’s Zac, he texted me... I’m ignoring him though” I replied, he sighed and looked down at me, placing a kiss to the top of my head,

“You’re going to have to” Kenny started before I cut him off mid sentence,

“Message him at some point, I know I know” I sat back upright and unbuckled the seat before getting out the car, “come on” I sighed, putting back on my brave face before heading into the lot with Uncle Kenny in tow.

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Charlie

“Y/n!” I heard Sav yell from across the lot, I turned to see Y/n walking towards us, her arms linked with Kenny’s as he was talking and joking with her, I watched as she let out a quick laugh before shaking her head, probably at some corny joke that Kenny told. “We’re matching!” Sav exclaimed as Y/n got closer,

“So we are!” Y/n giggled, “but don’t you have to be in your Carrie costume?” She questioned, pointing at the costume trailer just a way behind us,

“We are rehearsing Wow today in costume” Kenny announced, this prompted Sav to scrunch her face and turn on her heels, grabbing Tori by her upper arm as they both ran to the costume trailer, “those girls” Kenny laughed, shaking his head, “I’m going to get some breakfast, do you want anything Y/n?” The girl shook her head, “you have to eat Star, I’ll get you a croissant okay?”

“If I have to eat, can you get me some blueberry pancakes?” Y/n questioned innocently, smiling up at her ‘uncle.’ Kenny simply nodded and walked over to catering to grab him and Y/n some breakfast. “Hey” Y/n said as she took a step closer to me, I looked down at her and smiled,

“Hey” I mirrored, “sleep well last night?” I asked, the girl nodded and started to walk down the lot, I naturally started to follow her, not wanting the conversation to end,

“Yeah, I don’t think I’ve ever slept in a bed that big before” she giggled, causing my heart to skip a beat slightly, “how about you? Did you sleep well?” She questioned, looking up at me with her beautiful y/e/c eyes.

“Oh yeah, Owen and I left Tori’s a little while after you and Ken left, we grabbed some food and then just crashed as soon as we got home” I said simply, just as I mentioned Owen I saw him come out of his trailer dressed as Alex,

“You, Charles. Have to be in costume” he stated, pointing at me, I rolled my eyes before he shoo’d me away, I nodded slightly at Y/n as a way to say goodbye and she saluted me slightly which caused me to laugh before jogging up to costume.

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Y/N

“Why the long face?” Owen asked me as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, “wassup Buttercup?” I bit the inside of my cheek and looked up at the blonde boy,

“It’s my ex” I stated plainly, “he messaged me this morning and I just...” I trailed off, not really knowing what to say, was I ignoring Zac because I hated him, or was I ignoring him because I was worried that if I did text him back, I would fall for him all over again? You can’t get over someone that quickly, no matter how much they hurt you... right?

“Don’t know what to say to him?” Owen answered for me, “what did he say?” He asked, I daren’t look at my phone again because I knew that he had probably texted more so I tried to remember what I saw at quick glance.

“It was something about why I wasn’t home and where I was” I remembered, sitting down on the small couch in the resting tent, my back against the arm rest and my legs tucked up to my chest, Owen sat down, facing me and mirroring my position, “I just don’t see why I have to tell him that anymore... he’s my ex y’know?” I vented, leaning my head back and closing my eyes.

“Hey, you shouldn’t let him get to you like that, it’s not cool... look, I’m pretty sure we have a day off tomorrow, why don’t you come over to mine and Charlie’s place and we can watch movies and pig out?” Owen offered, I lifted my head back up and nodded, it didn’t sound like the worst idea, in fact, it sounded like the best thing for me, I mean karaoke last night helped me a lot so maybe just a chilled day would help too?

“Yeah that sounds amazing actually” I smiled.

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“Okay you guys, Sav, Sacha, Tori, Mads and Jay you guys can all go home, thank you so much for your excellence today, you’re all amazing!” Uncle Kenny beamed with pride at his cast that he was dismissing for the day, we had just filmed 3 more scenes for the show and the cast had rehearsals for as many dances they could fit in today, the only thing left on the agenda was the hot dog scene, “now, I will see everyone at the next location? Y/n, you ready?” Kenny asked, I nodded as I felt a shiver run up my spine causing my body to visibly shake,

“Hey” I heard Charlie whisper, “you okay?” He questioned, staying within earshot of me,

“Yeah I’m good, just cold, I forgot a jacket and it was warm today... I kinda forgot how long today was” I laughed, slightly embarrassed about my sieve of a brain, although the presence of Charlie stood behind me seemed to keep me fairly warm, that is, until I felt him leave. I turned to see Owen looking behind him as Charlie darted off, “I’ll be one second” Charlie yelled loud enough for everyone to hear and wait for him.

“Where’s he going?” Jeremy asked, pointing behind him towards where Charlie had just disappeared to,

“I have... no idea” Owen sighed, shrugging his shoulders, “Y/n/n, do you know?” I shook my head,

“He just ran off, maybe he forgot something” I stated, just as Charlie came running back, handing me a brown corduroy jacket with a wool collar,

“Here, it has pockets too so you won’t have to keep holding your phone” he said, only slightly out of breath.

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Charlie

Y/n gently took the jacket from me, “oh... thanks” she said as a red tint reached her cheeks, she shrugged the jacket on and I couldn’t help but smile at how it looked on her, on me, it fit perfectly but on Y/n, it nearly swamped her, the sleeves hung so low only her fingertips could be seen and the length of the jacket went just above where her skirt ended. She looked adorable.

“Yeah.. yeah anytime” I replied, Y/n placed her phone in her pocket and started to walk towards Kenny,

“Hey, I’ve gotta talk to my Uncle Kenny about some things for the hot dog scene, I had some ideas but I’ll see you on location okay?” She said, not just to me, but to Owen and Jeremy as well, all three of us nodded and joined together so we could all walk out of the lot,

“You like her...” Jeremy stated, Owen nudged him slightly and rolled his eyes,

“I made that observation last night!” He said, “but yeah, you totally like her... it’s obvious”

“I just gave her my jacket, she said she was cold, I would’ve done the same for anybody, like Mads” I defended, “she did look really cute in it though” I admitted, Owen agreed with me which caused me to look at him sceptically,

“Before you get jealous and ask me, no I don’t like her, she’s just a friend” he answered before I even had a chance to ask the question, “oh by the way, she was talking to me about her ex today, something about how he messaged her and she doesn’t know what to say to him, she seemed really down so I invited her to come over tomorrow” Owen explained,

“Oh really? Okay cool” was all I could say, Jeremy soon decided to change the subject to running lines as he could see that I was becoming nervous at the fact that Y/n was coming over, I had no idea why the thought of it had my heart racing and my mind scattered but it did, there was something about Y/n that I couldn’t quite put my finger on but whatever it was drove me crazy about her.

꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂꧁꧂

Y/N

We had just finished filming the final scene of the day- the hot dog scene and it was the longest scene ever, the amount of re-runs and developments on the scene was enough to drive anybody insane, I groaned slightly as I turned and sat on the seat that one of the crew members brought with them just as Kenny was wrapping the scene up. “Y/n, I’ve just got to do some paperwork and I’ll be right with you okay? I’m sure the boys will keep you company once they change” Kenny announced, to which I simply nodded, not having the energy to say anything or do anything else, I rubbed my eye as I pulled my phone out of Charlie’s jacket pocket, I looked down at the screen and saw the notification, I had 36 unread messages from Zac:

>Zac- hello? Y/n! Where are you?

>Zac- I’m worried about you...

>Zac- Y/n! Would you please just answer me...

>Zac- I went to the coffee shop, you weren’t there either, where have you run off to?

>Zac- look Y/n, I’m really sorry about what I did to you

>Zac- WTF! WHERE ARE YOU?!?

>Zac- you can’t possibly be giving me the silent treatment? Seriously.

>Zac- I didn’t realise you were so childish.

>Zac- I’m glad I cheated on you, you’re worthless

>Zac- wait no, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that I’m just worried about you.

The list went on and on, a mixture of emotions, I kept scrolling through the text screen until I saw the most recent text, delivered 1 minute ago,

>Zac- call me. Please.

I rolled my eyes, I couldn’t call him, I shouldn’t call him right? But alas, like muscle memory, I clicked on the call icon and there was his voice, “Y/n! Hey... how’re you?” All I did was sigh in response, I watched as the boys came out of the venue and into sight, they all waved at me before noticing I was on the phone, Owen and Jeremy dispersed whereas Charlie stayed, walking slowly towards me with a half-smile on his face, clearly worried about whether or not I wanted him to come closer.

“What do you want?” I said bluntly, “I’m not in the mood to hear your pathetic apologies Zac, you’re messages were ridiculous, you went from being apologetic to calling me worthless and saying that you were happy that you cheated on me!”

“Listen Y/n... I can’t explain” Zac began but I was in no mood to hear it,

“No you listen Zac, you don’t get to be sad, you don’t get to cry. You are the one who cheated remember? Or have you suddenly developed amnesia? You went behind my back and had this whole other relationship for 13 months... and on top of that, it was with Quinn! My best friend and you think I’m going to sit here and listen to your silly little apologies, no, you have another thing coming. We were together for 3 years and for a year of that you were with someone else, I was nothing but loyal to you, I was nothing but kind to you, I loved you so much and I thought that you would never hurt me, but I was wrong, you’re just a piece of shit Zac, you and Quinn deserve each other, you’re both snakes, you’re both pathetic and you both betrayed me. I dont want to hear from you again? Do I make myself clear?” I ranted down the phone, I never raised my voice, I kept calm, I wouldn’t let him know that he made me so angry that I wanted to scream and throw my phone into the road, no. I wouldn’t let him have that power over me.

“But Y/n- we’ve been through so much... Quinn doesn’t know me like you do... she’s not there for me like you do” Zac grovelled, I scoffed in response,

“Well isn’t that just a crying shame? You should’ve thought about that before you decided to go behind my back and fuck her, you should’ve thought about it before you decided to be unfaithful. Hey, I’ll make this easy for you, I’ll just block you on everything that way you have no way of contacting me. Goodbye Zac” I said as I abruptly hung up, giving Zac no chance to talk, I blocked his number and started to go through my social media, blocking him on everything that I had.

“Uh... you okay?” I heard a worried voice speak, I looked up to see those eyes that could only belong to Charlie, he tilted his head and looked at me with concern riddled all over his face, I placed my phone on my lap and rubbed my temples to try and reduce to incoming headache.

“Yeah... that was my ex” I stated the absolute obvious, unsure of what else to say, Charlie nodded and stuffed his hands in his pockets before taking the seat next to me, he didn’t ask me to go on and explain but I felt like I could talk to him and so I did “you probably heard but he cheated on me, with my best friend”

“Yeah... yeah I did hear, look, Y/n, I know it probably won’t mean much but he really doesn’t deserve you and he isn’t worth your tears” he said calmly, placing his thumb on my cheek and gently brushed away the tears that I had no idea were slowly falling from my eyes, “by the sounds of it, he sounds like a dick and you were way too good for him” I laughed in response, “I’m being serious, Y/n, you’re gorgeous and kind and funny and insanely talented! I know it’s hard but you shouldn’t let a guy like that get to you...”

“Yeah I know... but he and I were together for so long, it just makes me feel like everything was a lie y’know? And like I can’t truly be loved by anyone” I admitted, hearing this Charlie stood up in front of me and held his hands out, “what...?” I questioned, he beckoned me to stand up before pulling me in for a hug,

“You? You can’t truly be loved? Y/n you’re one of the most lovable people I’ve ever met, everyone loves you here... I know that’s not the type of love you meant but trust me on this okay? You can very easily be loved” I pulled out of the hug slightly and Charlie lightly placed his hands on my face, looking deep into my eyes, he smiled slightly to himself causing me to become shy and look down, Charlie used his index finger to lift my head back up by my chin ever so gently, “who wouldn’t want to fall in love with you?”

💜thank you for reading💜

♡︎𝑡𝑎𝑔𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡 : @thesweetestsinner , @ifilwtmfc , @ashleyleblancx , @chloepart03 , @obxflowr , @lukeys-giggle ♡︎

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kickingitwithkirk · 4 years ago

Text

Greetings from Austin pt. III

Pairing: Alpha!Jensen Ackles x Alpha!Jared Padalecki x Omega!OFC

Summary: Jensen and Jared are at odds over a monumental decision that changes their lives in a way they couldn’t have envisioned.

WC: 3825

Warnings: a/b/o, bisexuality, biphobia, homophobia, angst, cursing, self doubt, depression/anxiety, married life/disagreements, medical stuff, sexual dysfunction, infertility/surrogacy

*flirting, m/m oral sex, Jensen’s insecurities are coming out, Jared gets arrested, both get counseling

A/N: This part consists of several time jumps over four month period.

A/N II: Hey, sorry took me a way longer to get done than planned, rewrote Oct 23 a dozen times alone and hoping makes sense, trying to flesh out characters more and has some stuff that plays into story line in later parts.

Part II

Masterlist

@winchesterandbeyondbingo square filled-Jensen Ackles

*Series Inspired by this art.

*no beta-all mistakes are mine

September 8th

7:30 am

Jensen was sitting in the makeup chair clenching his extra strong coffee container to help warm his hands. He’d spent a second, uncomfortable night in his trailer on location as Vancouver was having an unusual cold snap this time of year and with the covid restrictions the director decided that everyone needed to stay on site.

While he wasn’t happy about the weather, missing his own personal heater but at the same time grateful for a brief break from Jared now that they were heading towards the next phase of starting their family.

Jensen jokingly said they needed a code name since they were planning on keeping their plans a secret, even from their families, until the pups were born, playfully suggesting a cartoon from their childhoods.

Of course with Jared’s weird sense of humor, he loved it and started throwing ideas like operation: pound puppies.

“Penny for your thoughts.” Frieda said as she applied a concealer under his eyes to hide the dark smudges from not sleeping well.

“Huh?”

“You asked about my new job and haven’t heard anything I’ve said, wanna talk about it?”

“Sorry, not focusing very well today.”

“Yeah, we’re all feeling out of sorts with this being the last couple days.”

Jensen couldn’t believe he was down to his last two days of filming.

“Too bad this virus messed everything up, it would’ve been a hell of a send off if everybody could have been here.”

Alex and Misha had left right after they’d finished but Jim Beaver was back for the ending. It was only right for Bobby Singer to be there at the end, having been such a pivotal character in the brothers lives.

Frieda continues chatting about random things while finishing his makeup. A PA stuck his head in calling Jensen to the set. He stepped out of the trailer and smiled seeing his Baby sitting near the building being used as the exterior of Harvelle's Roadhouse.

***

September 12th

“Jen, I’m taking out the bags,” Jared calls out seconds before the apartment's front door shut.

Jensen was doing one last check around the place for any forgotten anything. Satisfied, he walked into the living room containing neatly marked boxes ready to be shipped back to Texas, relieved they had downsized from the big house Jared had years ago.

He stopped to gaze out the picture window when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist, molding his back to the muscular chest of his mate, who rested his chin on his shoulder quietly saying, “I’m gonna miss this view.” Jensen hummed in agreement tipping his head back as Jared nuzzled his neck.

“We need to get going if we’re gonna make Seattle by seven,” Jared softly muttered as they’d stood there for a few heartbeats longer before releasing him. They walked to the door and Jensen turned once more to gaze out the window at the view of Vancouver.

***

September 21st

“This has been a great trip but man, I’ll be glad to be in our own bed tonight.” Jared remarks as they drive past a green highway sign saying Austin 312.

“Can’t wait,” Jensen drowsily says having not slept much the last couple days. They had decided to road trip it back to Texas, stopping at a few places they had wanted to visit for awhile.

Jared somehow managed to finagal, okay so his mind numbing blow job combined with those lethal long fingers that always makes Jensen agree to anything got him a couple extra days in southern Colorado.

Jensen enjoyed the beautiful scenery and hiking in the mountains but hated camping out. Well, it wasn’t technically roughing it the way Jared liked but still.. a frigging yurt in late September?

Oy vay, what he did for love.

The sound of Jared singing along to some classic country song on the radio as he drove finally put Jensen completely out.

***

October 23rd

Turning from the open fridge with a puzzled expression on his face, Jared senses the same vague something he’s felt God knows how many times in the last couple months.

Shutting the door he walked over to the island counter where his husband was seated pushing his unfinished dinner around on his plate.

“Jen, what’s going on? Are you worried about the implantation? Dr. Rodgers said the embryos were healthy and optimistic the surrogate took this first try.”

What Jensen wants to ask, the question that’s plagued him since that day in August choosing their Omega surrogate...how the hell does he phrase it without upsetting Jared?

“Did you choose her because you knew she’d be the one I’d pick?”

Jensen slapped his hand over his mouth, eyes wide, disbelieving he blurted it out.

Jared worked to find a response squeaking an actual squeak before he could get control over his vocals, “That’s what I’ve been sensing!” Gripping the edge of the counter with his big hands, “Are you seriously going there again? I was honest about our interactions when I realized she was the one I knocked down at the clinic and FYI, you weren’t exactly in full control either Alpha!”

Jensen clenched his teeth at being reminded his inner need to be in control at all times slipped.

“I’ve racked my brains trying to figure it out how to ask something like that without upsetting you!” Jensen yells getting up and pacing around the kitchen.

Jared huffed, “So all this time instead of talking to me, you’ve conjured up some..”

“For the last two years I’ve gotten the sense you feel somethings missing, kept telling myself it’s your unfulfilled biology. But ever since you meet that Omega you’ve been.. I can’t explain it and now I’m second guessing our marriage Ja....” his rant abruptly cut off.

Jared’s eyes were glowing red, pinning him with an eerie wolf expression, the intensity disconcerting him. “I chose you, my husband, my soulmate, my everything!“ The words should have been reassuring but Jared’s voice was pitiless, something Jensen's never heard pass from his lips before.

Jared took a deep breath and with normalcy returning said, “I love you Jensen and I thought you understood, for me, in my mind, both of us having pups with the same donor means my offspring won’t be seen as just step relations but will grow up having strong familial ties with JJ, Arrow and Zeppelin.”

Jensen started to speak when a low, reverberating growl from Jared warning him not to interrupt.

“I consciously listened to my inner wolf when it came to choosing the person who is biologically the Om of our children and I,” Jared emphasizes tapping his chest with his long index finger, ”have no regrets but apparently you do.” Taking a deep breath Jared drops a non sequitur, ”The dogs need to be fed,” and walks away.

At the sound of Jared’s SUV leaving Jensen’s legs gave out and he drops to the floor curling up in a fetal position wrapping his arms over his head. Arlo and Koda laid down, one on each side, cocooning him between them.

***

Thanksgiving

“The kids are in a tryptophan coma,” Jensen announces as he walks in through the kitchen's back door. He had followed Danneel home afterwards helping get JJ and the twins cleaned up and put to bed, “they’ll be out till Monday.”

“Good, cause I’m dead on my feet,” Jared replies yawning while loading the dishwasher. It had been their turn to host the holiday with Danneel, the kids, Clif, Jared’s siblings and their broods.

“I told you to wait and I’d help finish the cleanup when I got back.” Jensen said as Jared started the machine.

“I figured you’d wanna stay awhile and be too tired and I didn’t want to deal with it tomorrow. All that’s left is to put the trash and recycling out, could you grab it?”

“On it,” Jensen picked up the bags walking around the side of the house dropping them into their designated receptacles.

When he came back in Jared was switching off the lights downstairs. They made their way up to the bedroom taking turns in the bath getting ready for bed.

Jensen was sitting with his back against the headboard checking his messages when Jared drops heavily next to him, “I plan on sleeping for the next three days.” He mutters resting his head against Jensen’s shoulder.

“Sounds good to me babe, I’m glad we didn’t schedule anything extra this weekend, be nice to spend some time alone.” He finishes wiggling his eyebrows.

“Hmm, do you remember last year's Thanksgiving?”

Jared closed the kitchen pantries door, pushing Jensen against it seductively lowering his fox slanted eyes huskily whispering, “I’m so fucking horny I need my dick you now.”

“Dude, we’re re in my sisters...“

“..you’ll have to be quiet,” Jared dove in for a deep, dirty kiss, grinding against Jensen until he was begging to be fucked.

“You’re the one who got us busted..oh fuck Jensen..so fucking tight..fuck..not gonna last..then later I get Mac saying it sounded like your dick...”

“Okay..buuut,” Jared tilts his head slowly running his tongue up the column of Jensen’s neck, “you gotta admit,” hand slipping under his sleep shirt, “our sex life,” long fingers tip toe up the smooth, freckled chest, pads teasing his left nipple as Jared nibbles on his earlobe, ”is never boring.”

Jensen groans, dropping his arm, still clinching the phone, tipping his head to expose more of his neck to Jared’s wondrous lips, enjoying the scratch of his short beard.

“I thought you were sleeping the next three days.”

Jared answers by removing his hand and straddling his husband's thick thighs taken the phone placing it on the nightstand and starts nibbling along the other side of Jensen’s sensitive neck, working his way to his slightly raised claim mark flattening his tongue licking the ultra sensitive spot that always drives his Alpha wild.

Jensen slides his hands up Jared’s back finding a grip in his shortened hair, unhappy about how much he’s cut off for Walker, unable to tangle his thick fingers into the soft tresses like he used to.

Finding a purchase he pulls hard making Jared groan at the pleasurable sensation tips his head back till it’s the perfect angle for Jensen to run his tongue across those candy pink lips, teasing them open to grant him access, continues teasing, alternating between caressing Jared’s tongue with his and sucking on his lips.

Moaning, Jared rocks his hips seeking friction, breaks their kissing long enough to work Jensen's sleep shirt off. They end up wrestling a few moments before Jared tosses it as Jensen’s lips attack his more desperately.

Tapping Jared’s thigh, Jensen rolls them kneeling between sleep pant clad legs watching as Jared reaches up gripping the strategically placed bar in their custom made headboard with both hands, his pecs flexing in anticipation of what’s to come.

Not breaking eye contact Jensen bends forward, his lips a hair's breadth from Jared’s, slowly slides backwards hovering, caressing the acres of golden skin beneath him with only his warm breath, pausing to hook his fingers in the pants waistband and pulling them with him as he continues journeying south.

Slowly making his way back north he leaves wet, open mouth kisses along the now naked, extra long, muscular legs he loves, sucking on the insides of both thighs, nipping hard enough to leave marks before arriving at his designated stop.

He hasn’t even touched Jared’s beautiful cock yet it’s fully engorged, resting against his flat stomach vigorously leaking precome. Jensen dips his tongue into his bellybutton lapping up the liquid collecting in it, cause fuck, he’s loves how more sweet than salty Jared’s always tasted.

Hips rolling Jared rubs his cockhead against Jensen’s tongue and he kitten licks the dribbling slit before resting his head on Jared’s lower stomach and wrapping his lips around the velvety head.

Shifting his grip on the bar Jared’s makes nonsensical noises, toes curling at the mixed sensations of his mates silky beard tickling his lower regions while sucking on his cockhead, alternates swirling his tongue over the nerves underneath and teasing his slit sending spikes of pleasure radiating through him.

After all these years Jared’s still amazed at Jensen’s knowledge of his body, his ability to keep him on the edge of not enough for however long he’s in the mood to play.

“..pleease...need to cum...got to..so fucking..uhh..Alpha!”

Raising up on a forearm Jensen starts bobbing up and down his shaft, pausing briefly on each downward pass, working his throat open to take Jared further in until he’s nose deep in dark, trimmed pubic hair. Holding his mate's substantial cock in his throat swallows around him as Jared’s knot inflates, pushing his jaws apart till it’s too much.

Letting the knot slip out from between his plump lips Jensen wraps a hand firmly around it and starts vigorously bobbing drawing out a litany of obscene noises, feels Jared’s balls drawing up and backs off swallowing the warm, thick, spurting liquid.

Leisurely licking until Jared hissed, too sensitive for anymore kisses the tip one last time crawls back up the bed searching for his pillow and face plants on it.

“Dude, you’ve finally sucked out my last brain cell.”

Purring deep in his chest, Jensen gives Jared a self satisfied smirk, who mutters, “wasn’t trying to give you a bigger head.”

Rolling onto his side Jensen displays his turgid cock needing attention, “okay, he’s the bigger head,” Jared concedes reaching down running his fingers over the weeping tip, wetting them with precome spreads it over the shaft firmly fisting Jensen’s pulsing thickness, moving his hand up and down excruciatingly slowly.

“So,” his honeyed voice lowers an octave watching Jensen dissolving into a breathy mess, “how does he want me?”

Jensen opens his mouth to answer when a phone rings. Glaring over his shoulder, “not mine,” he growls. Still stroking him Jared stretches for his, “it’s the clinic..hello? Dr. Rodgers, hey, how are you sir?” He lets go sitting up against the headboard.

Why’s the doctor calling them at such an odd time, on a holiday no less?

Jared's brow wrinkles before he turns to Jensen, eyes sparkling breaks out his wondrous smile making his dimples pop.

“Jensen, she’s pregnant!”

Jared's practically bouncing on their bed like he’s on a massive sugar high discussing what comes next with the doctor. Jensen feels his erection rapidly diminishing, gets up heading into the bath and turns on the shower.

Climbing in he crosses his arms against the far wall, resting his forehead against them closing his eyes as hot water bounces across his broad shoulders.

Jensen knows he should be elated. Jared’s getting the pup (or pups) he’s desired for years and the possibility of being a father himself again. Instead, his heart seized up in conflict.

***

After that god awful argument in October he ended up at Josh’s, who confessed his mate and him were seeing a counselor because they were having marital issues too. Spending the night drinking and reflecting Jensen came home the next morning to a still angry Jared cause he didn’t know where the fuck his husband was all night.

Filling him in about his talk with Josh, Jared seemed somewhat mollified but a few nights later...

Walker star Jared Padalecki arrested near the one year anniversary of Stereotype bar altercation.

· Jared Padalecki was arrested once again in Austin, Texas, early Sunday morning on one count of public intoxication…

When he got released Jared sat Jensen down pleading with him to sit in on his next therapy session, saying they couldn’t keep going on like this, it was tearing him apart.

He wants..no..needs Jensen to completely open up, stop trying to protect him and discuss what’s going on in his head, what he’s really feeling.

Jared’s therapist started off informing both of them he wasn’t a marriage counselor but after a brief conversation with Jared knew the situation was having a detrimental impact on his mental health.

He listened to them separately, then together, about their observations and thoughts on each other’s behaviors came up with a hypothesis:

Since Jared’s last depressive episode, his random thoughts/emotions were feeding more into Jensen’s deep seated insecurities over his mate’s open, flirtatious personality and how he perceives others attraction/interactions to him.

And now Jared’s inner wolf is demonstrating an intense attraction to an Omega, something never encountered before with past preferences in Beta females, with this new dynamic Jensen didn’t know how to handle it.

Jensen opened and closed his mouth several times sputtering before saying this was complete bullshit and stormed out.

***

Lost in thought Jensen didn’t notice his husband stepping into the open shower stall until his considerable frame was blocking the water, Jared’s voice drew him out of his musings.

“I can hear you thinking clear in the other room.”

Cupped Jensen’s face between his large hands he gazed into those spring colored eyes that captured his heart the moment he looked into them years ago, “Hey, no matter what happens next, we’re good.”

***

December 16th

Jared was sitting in his chair chatting with Lindsey and Keegan while the crew was finishing setting up for the next scene when his phone rang. He didn’t recognize the number but excuses himself, stepping away for some privacy answering.

“Hey, everything okay?” Lindsay asked after he hung up, concerned by the visible tension rolling off the big Alpha.

“Umm..I don’t know, I need to make another call...” Jared said, waving the phone, “yeah, let us know if you need anything.” Keegan says and Jared nodded his thanks.

The phone rang three times, “Hey Clif, I need a favor.”

***

December 19th

Clif pulled the SUV into the parking lot, “Are you sure this is the right place?” Jared inquires looking around taking in the old motel located in a very questionable area of Austin.

“This is the name the guy mentioned.” Clif replied, getting out heading for the office. Couple minutes later he climbed back in, “the manager said the laundry out back.” He started the vehicle and drove to the rear of the property.

Clif got out again and knocked on the building's door. An older Hispanic woman answered engaging him in a brief conversation before stepping back inside.

Clif nodded to Jared and as he got out of the vehicle that piquant scent hit him seconds before the door reopened. The person he’d spent days searching for froze in the doorway upon seeing him.

***

December 22nd

Jensen, claiming out of the Uber, grabbed his bag thanking the driver, walked up the front stone pathway relieved to be home from L. A. after a hopefully final costume fitting for his new role as Soldier Boy, this flying back and forth every week for the last couple months had gotten old real quick and he was looking forward to enjoying the holidays at home.

Jared’s parents were coming tomorrow and staying for a few days as was Danneel and their pups. Josh said he was still planning on dropping by a few hours Christmas Day since he and Mac were scheduled to spend most of the holiday with their parents.

Jensen felt that mixture of anger and sadness he got thinking about his parents. He was raised in their church and though he never believed in it, respected their choice.

Too bad they couldn’t reciprocate.

***

Alan and Donna belonged to an ultra conservative church. The foundations of child rearing was to be found in the good book and in the Ackles household-spare the rod, spoil the child-was gospel.

When they were growing up neither parent was the physically or emotionally demonstrative type, only showing their offspring a reserved affection, especially in public.

The saving grace was their Beta nanny who gave them unconditional love, especially Jensen, who was shy as a child already knowing he was different from his siblings. She instilled the confidence in them to discover who they truly were inside and encouraged Jensen to come out before moving to California.

Shortly after graduating he told his family about his bisexuality and his boyfriend was moving to L.A. with him.

Alan and Donna tried to stop him. He was to go to their pastor and confess his transgressions, beg forgiveness for his sins against the church and its teachings, threatening to pull the agreed upon six month financial support while he auditioned for parts before going to college if it didn’t work out.

Jensen refused, packed up, took his boyfriend and left. He got his first break shortly after and quickly learned Hollywood didn’t care what his sexual orientation was as long as he kept it behind closed doors.

His management agency decided early on to promote Jensen as the good guy/boyfriend type. They also set him up on dates to events with many up and coming female artists of the time. He had no problem playing along when he wasn’t actually dating a woman.

His big break came on the CW. After co-starring in a couple series for the network he was offered the chance to be a lead in a new series created by Eric Kripke.

At the audition he met former Gilmore Girls heartthrob, Jared Padalecki, flashing his infectious smile, dimples for days and the most beautiful, incredible color shifting eyes Jensen’s ever seen, he was done for.

Jensen might not have his biological parents in his life anymore but his now in-laws, the complete opposite of the Ackles, helped fill that hole.

It’s easy to see where Jared’s personality comes from. His Om, Sherrie, is overly affectionate, excessively physical and verbal with everyone she considers family, biological or not.

The first time he accompanied Jared home on a holiday break Jensen was literally bowled over by the five foot nothing Omega and instantly became part of her brood.

***

Barley getting the front door open Jensen is hit with the piquant scent of orange blossoms and spices he couldn’t quite place.

Dropping his carry-on bag in the foyer he followed the scent further into the house. Arlo sat up near the large picture windows facing the backyard where he and Koda are napping and gets up coming over to greet him.

“Hey big guy, where’s daddy at?” Jensen asked rubbing around his ears like he liked having thought Jared would still be on set before the holiday break.

He heads towards the kitchen where the scent seems to be coming from, “Babe is that coffee shop back open, what’s it called, has those sweet rolls you're obsessed with..” he abruptly stopped and blinks not believing what was in front of him.

More accurately who was in front of him.

“Babe is in his office and dinner will be ready in twenty.”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

***

tbc

GFA: @babypink224221 @waywardjoy @let-me-luve-you @all-4-wincest

SPN: @donnaintx @lyarr24

Sam/Jared @idreamofplaid

Dean/Jensen: @flamencodiva

#jensen ackles #jared padalecki #j2 husbands #winchesterandbeyondbingo #alpha!jensen ackles #alpha!jared padalecki #alpha!jensenxalpha!jaredxomega!ofc #j2 au #j2 fanfic #j2alphas #a/b/o ofc #spn #supernatural #slow burn

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swagless-talks-alot · 4 years ago

Text

Memories

Middle school.

Rusty benches, rotting lockers, and prepubescent children.

8th period is when I learned that he would be moving away. He would get to move out of this hell hole and move to a brand new country.

"Are you ever going to come back?" I had asked as I unpacked my History notebook from my bag. But before he could answer, his loud ass friends entered the room. Mark was the type of guy who wasn't immensely popular himself, but people knew him and he knew people. Most were either jealous of him, or loved him, no in between.

I would say I was more on the jealous side. Not only was he on the dance team, my friends wouldn't shut about how "nice he is" or "how adorable he is" or "how good he is at math".

"Have you read his poems? Apparently he has a poem book."

It's not just my friends either, it's my parents too. Unfortunately for me, Mark's parents and my parents are part of the same friend circle. Which means constant comparison. Ever since elementary school.

But it's not like they were wrong. And it didn't help that I liked him either. It may have been my 13 year old hormones, or the fact that his smile seemed to light up the world around him, but despite how sickly jealous I was, I was so entranced. I remember crying after hearing a rumour that he liked someone one day. A weird occurrence as I never cried over anything. The rumour turned out to be false because I asked him about it the next day and he said "No, who is that?".

We were what I would call acquaintances. One of my friends dated one of his friends in 6th grade for a week before breaking up in the most dramatic way possible.

"You know, I heard they kissed once," I remember telling Mark.

He replied with a grimace and said, "Eww that's gross, why would you kiss someone?"

I remember laughing and telling him that it wasn't a big deal.

After that, we talked once in a while. If we were in the same class, we would ask each other about homework or make basic small talk if none of his friends were around.

And so, as History class ended, the 13-year-old boy came up to me. "Sorry for ignoring your question earlier, uhh I don't know if I'm coming back or not actually. I think I'm going to be living in Korea for a while," he smiled. "Don't tell anyone about it okay?" He said playfully. "Shhh".

He giggled, put on his backpack, and ran up to catch up with his friends.

And that was the last time I ever saw him.

Honestly, I was glad. I thought that the source of my insecurities was gone and that my crush on him would disappear. I was a progressive child, so I got over him quickly, but unfortunately I still had my insecurities. I thought I would never cross paths with him again and as bittersweet as it sounds, I preferred it over the constant conflict in my heart whenever I saw him. I got over my insecurities slowly, throughout high school. My life without Mark Lee, was great, wonderful even. So then why, at the thought of seeing him again, run at the chance to intern at his company? My desperate ass didn't even search him up on google because I didn't want to know what he looked like now. My view of him is still of a 5'4 teenager boy, with a high pitched voice and braces. So when I was met with a guy who looked too handsome to be real, you could expect that I was taken aback.

Mark, who I wasn't sure was Mark, was wearing a plain black shirt and some khakis. He also had light blue hair that looked really soft but also looked slightly fried, perhaps from the dye.

"This is Mark Lee right, I heard you were the one who was supposed to show me to the intern manager or something."

"Uhh yeah! I'm Mark, nice to meet you. What's your name?" He said enthusiastically.

He didn't remember me. Or he just wasn't sure. I didn't want to seem insane by saying I went to his old school so I kept quiet.

"I'm Hannah Wang, I'm from Vancouver", I shifted my weight onto my other leg nervously.

"Wait, Hannah Wang? Did you ever go to Westwood Middle?" Mark asked, his eyes lighting up.

He remembered. Holy shit, Mark Lee remembered me. "Yeah, I was waiting for you to say something." I said as we walked into the recording room. "You uh, glew up a lot, I could barely recognize you."

"Ah really? You glew up a lot too- not that you weren't pretty back then- I mean not like that-" Mark panicked.

"So you didn't think I was pretty?" I chuckled.

We began walking inside the building, and the recording rooms became visible.

"No I mean you were, and still are- ahh" Mark's face was now 3x redder than it was before.

“You’re bold, calling me pretty and all” I laughed as I scanned the posters on the wall. “Who are they?” I pointed to a poster of 10 men who looked around my age. I noticed that Mark was on it. He was wearing a race car? jacket and had black hair with blonde highlights.

Mark, who was noticeably all flustered, took a moment to respond. “Ahh that’s the group I’m in… one of them at least.”

I looked at him. “You’re in another group?”

He nervously laughed, “Yeah it’s no big deal. I’m in this one, NCT 127, SuperM and NCT Dream.”

“Well wow…” After all of these years, he was still out here doing the most. “I expected nothing less haha” I joked. “It must be hard.”

“Yeah.. well I like being busy so it’s honestly very fun.” He said with a smile. “Wait, you’re interning at SM but you don’t know the groups?”

“Dude, I’ve been so busy I haven’t kept up with anything. My friend told me to apply for an internship here and I accepted it as a joke because I didn’t think I’d get in. I didn’t know you became a k-pop idol until like a month ago.”

“Oooh” Mark nodded understandingly. He started walking to some of the other rooms. “Uhh I think I’m supposed to show you to Mr. Kim? He told me to tell you that he was sorry he couldn’t meet with you in person. There’s a slight chance he might be infected..” Mark frowned. “I’ll escort you to a room where you can meet with him. You came kind of early so I need to get the other two interns as well.” He turned to look at me. “Does that sound good?”

I honestly didn’t hear half of what he said because I was staring at his face. “Yeah yeah sounds good!” I centered myself again.

We went to an auditorium which was quite huge but empty. I assumed press conferences were held here. There was also a huge projector screen at the front of it which had Zoom open.

“You can just sit at any of the tables,” Mark said. “Oh yeah Mr.Kim asked me if you were vaccinated yet?”

I nodded. “Yep all good and immune to the virus.” I smiled.

And then he left and I was all alone in an empty black room. I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I exhaled. (Yes and the floor is made up of floor.) I also didn’t realize how fast my heart was beating. Honestly, he hadn’t changed at all. Looking at him unlocked so much nostalgia of my younger days and I blushed to myself at the thought of the journal entries I wrote about him as a child. I wanted to talk to him about so much and I wondered why I didn’t reach out to him sooner. It had been an insanely long time since I last thought about my old “rival”, and I only started pondering it when I realized I would be interning at his company. Him becoming an idol wasn’t actually too surprising, my journal entries told me that he was into dancing a lot and I do recall him performing a Shinee song at one of our “family meetups”. I don’t have a lot of memories from middle school but that’s one that I can recall pretty vividly. He was doing it with 2 of his other friends and the performance was really funny because one of the kids fell and hit his nose on the edge of the sofa. I wonder if he remembered all of this.

I was taken out of my thoughts when two other people, accompanied by Mark, walked into the room. They were a guy and a girl who both looked a little older than me and they didn’t look like they knew each other. They both took seats at separate tables. Mark on the other hand walked up to me.

“I think the meeting will start in a bit.” He smiled. “I have to go but good luck with everything! It’s insane how we met again after like… 7 years? Dude, I miss Vancouver so much I really hope we can talk later and catch up on everything y'know?”

I laughed a little, glad that he felt the same way as me. “Yeah definitely! So many things changed after you left, I swear to god it’s like a completely different place.”

“Yeah I visited once on tour-” his phone started ringing. “Shoot, they’re gonna kill me. I have to go, Hannah. Uhhh I’ll see you around?”

I smiled. “Yeah I’ll see you around.”

#marklee #mark lee #mark #nct #mark x reader #mark fanfic #mark oneshot #fluff #nct 127 #nct dream #nct u #super m #oneshot #lee minhyung #leeminhyung #lee mark #mark x y/n #mark lee x y/n

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bqstqnbruin · 5 years ago

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Come back to me part 2

It’s been a hot minute since I posted the first one so SORRY.

But here’s part 2, shoutout to the AMAZING @yes-he-mccann for reading it and helping me out with this ilysm ♥♥♥

Update! Read the entire series: Part 1 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5 // Part 6 // Part 7

_________________________

The sounds of the bar around you disappeared as you felt yourself getting lost in the arms of the boy that was once yours. There was something different about hugging Mat. Hugging him felt like sitting down in a cozy sweater, with a cup of tea and a good book, watching the snow fall outside of your window while the fire rages on in the fireplace. It was comforting, warm, everything that you wanted to be. It was nothing like hugging Kyle. Hugging him was the cozy sweater, but no tea, no book, no snowfall, or fire. It was like something with Kyle was missing. Wait, no, this was just the alcohol talking. But you really weren’t drunk enough for the alcohol to do much talking.

“So,” you start, “You have to tell me about playing with the Islanders! I haven’t really been following hockey since you left if we’re being honest.”

“Ah, we’re shitty right now. Too ‘in our heads,’ not enough in the opponents, letting in easy goals, not scoring on easy chances,” he starts rambling, watching the smile grow on your face. You never were really too into hockey, but for some reason, you were the person he loved to talk about it with. And you loved to listen to him. You two could be driving around the middle of nowhere back home, and he would be rambling on and on about the game he had the other day. Nothing could make you happier than sitting there with him and listening to him talk about something he was so passionate about.

Now that you think about it as he continues to ramble, you couldn’t remember the last time you were that happy with someone than when you would just do nothing with Mat. Sure, you only dated for a short amount of time, but were you happier with him than you were with Kyle, or were you just younger and more naive?

You end up getting lost thinking about what your life would have been like if you and Mat had stayed together if he hadn’t moved for hockey. Or would you have stayed together despite his move? Would you end up in New York regardless of a job if it meant being here with him? No. No. You were with Kyle. Not only were you with Kyle, but you were also engaged to Kyle.

“But I’m here with some of the guys, actually. I think you would like them,” he says, gesturing over to two of the boys already making their way over to the stools you two were taking up. “This is Anthony and Kieffer.”

“Oh, wait, you’re the one Mat met when you guys played for Team Canada, what was it, U19s or something?” you ask the one with curly hair.

“No, actually, that was me,” the other one says, “That one is Kieffer.”

“Sorry,” you apologize as they take seats on either side of you and Mat. The two of them start bombarding you with questions about your life, almost as if they already knew what to ask you before they even met you.

“So what was Mat like when he was younger?”

“What brought you to New York?”

“Where do you work?”

“Do you like it better here or in Vancouver?”

“Did you come here alone?”

Before you could answer the last one, Anthony groans, starting to mumble something under his breath that you can’t make out while he digs through his pockets. He whips out his phone, handing it to Matthew, “Satan somehow managed to get my number, and I’m not going to deal with it.”

“Let it ring. I don’t have to answer to him,” Mat says, crossing his arms as Tito continues to shove the phone at him.

“No. You are going to answer him. Because Paxton has called me eight times and you’ve only been sitting here for an hour. So answer him,” he insists, almost talking down to Mat.

He slides to answer the phone, holding it to Mat’s ear even if he refuses to hold it himself. “Hello?” Mat finally says, taking the phone from him, “I didn’t even know his name was Paxton,” he says to you three before walking off to somewhere else.

“Should I be worried that you know someone who you equate to Satan?” you ask, looking back and forth between Anthony and Kieffer.

They both roll their eyes, you not able to tell if they were rolling their eyes at the idea of the person they were talking about or at the question you asked.

“His girlfriend is this model and Paxton is her agent,” Kieffer starts to explain, only to be cut off by Anthony.

“No, Mona and Mat just use each other as arm candy and Paxton harasses Mat into going places with Mona so she ‘can be seen,’” he says, using air quotes around that last part. “If you ask me, they’re no boyfriend and girlfriend than he and I are.”

“You’re right since you would be boyfriend and boyfriend and the entire team knows that if you were gay that you would probably date Mat, anyway,” Kieffer says, raising his glass to Tito.

The two toast each other in front of your face, you having no idea what they were even talking about. “He’s an attractive man. That jawline? I would only be so lucky,” Anthony says.

“Don’t forget the Disney prince hair.”

“And the eyebrows,” the two joke, watching in awe at the interaction. “But, Y/N, tell us about your fiance?”

“Oh, Mat told you I was engaged?” you ask, trying to remember if you even told them in the first place.

“Uh, no, the rock on your finger did.”

You look down at your left hand, forgetting that you even had the ring on the first place. Part of you wanted to take it off as your face turned red with embarrassment. You were debating on even wearing the ring out in the first place. “Oh, right. Uh, his name is Kyle, we got together during the last year of high school and we’ve been together since. Mat knows him, too,” you explain, the boys looking at each other instead of you.

Even they could tell something wasn’t quite right as you played with the ring, slipping it up and down your finger as if to take if off altogether. “Well, let’s see him,” Kieffer insists.

You pull out your phone, trying to think of where your most recent photo with him was. When was the last time you even took a photo together? Your engagement was done privately and in the spur of the moment, you weren’t one to get your picture taken to begin with, and when you wanted to be in a photo, Kyle was almost never there. Finally finding one from back when you were in college, you show the boys. It was the night of your birthday, which one, you couldn’t even remember. Kyle was hugging you from behind, beaming at the camera, while you were looking off to the side, smiling. You don’t even remember what it was that you were looking at, but you know it wasn’t because of Kyle.

The two boys look between each other and the photo. Something seems off about you and Kyle together. It was almost like he was just a filler in your life, even though they were just looking at a picture of a guy they had never met. They both know what the other was thinking: you looked more comfortable with Mat than you did with Kyle.

“Mona, I told you, I’m out with the guys right now. I’m not dropped everything to leave them and be with you. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, goodnight,” Mat finally comes back, practically throwing the phone at Anthony out of frustration. The vein on his neck was beginning to pop out, something you hadn’t seen in ages since he got thrown out of a game when you were younger for checking a kid when he was tripped and accidentally hit him. “God, I hate talking to her.”

“Dump. Her,” Tito insists. That was becoming his catchphrase, he said it so often.

“Stop. Saying. That.”

“It might not be my place,” you start, “But I’ve known you since we were, what, five? You’ve never been happy around people you can’t figure out how to talk to. If you can’t talk to your girlfriend, then,” you stop, trying to figure out if you should put it as bluntly as Anthony did, “you should probably reevaluate the relationship.”

The bartender comes up to Mat, asking him if he wanted a refill, “Uh, sure, another beer for the three of us, and a rum and coke for you?” he asks, pointing to you.

“That’s my go-to order, how did you know that?”

Mat shrugs, the look on his face telling you that he was asking himself the same thing. “It just seems like the kind of drink you would order. You would get a coke every time we would go out for food. And every time you would say something about how you want to stop drinking so much soda because of how much sugar was in it, and that you were eventually going to switch to tea, and then to water, and part of me thinks you never did, knowing you,” the smile returning to his face as he realizes how he knew.

You probably told Kyle the same thing a hundred times, too. But every time he tries to order a drink for you, he always forgets that even drink soda, and ends up getting you some weird fruity drink on the menu that he always says you’ll enjoy, even though you hate fruity drinks. Why does Mat remember something from so long ago?

-------

“So, how was your conversation with Mona yesterday”? Tito asks once he and Mat were back in their locker room after practice.

“She whined, she complained, Paxton left a five and a half minute voice mail that ended with, ‘if you go out without Mona when she tells you she wants to go out, you are no longer her boyfriend.’ I didn’t even know the man’s name until last night and now he’s telling me that he decides that I’m not her boyfriend,” Mat tells him, not really in the mood to explain much more. Somehow, one of Mona’s friends saw Mat with you last night and took a picture of the two of you sitting at the bar, which provoked the phone call to Tito in the first place. No matter how many times he told her you were just a friend from home, she didn’t believe him. Especially once she found an old Instagram photo from when you were together that you never took down with some sappy caption about how much you liked Mat. Apparently, it wasn’t good for Mona’s ‘image’ for her boyfriend to be seen at a bar with another girl, no matter who she was.

“You already know that I’m going to tell you to dump her.”

“Who, Mona. Yeah, break up with her,” Kieffer comes over and joins the conversation.

“Yep, sure,” Mat says, sarcastically as if he would actually do that right now. Like he told Tito the other day, he’s not going to do that; it’s just for fun right now, even if it was turning into more work than anything.

“What about Y/N, haven’t you been texting her since she left the bar with her friends?” Tito asks.

“What about her?”

“She’s the wife,” Tito says, as if it were obvious.

“No, she’s Kyle’s fiance.”

“No, remember how I told you to look for your wife? Stop fooling around with Mona? Y/N is your wife.”

Mat rolls his eyes. You were already engaged. The guy uprooted his entire life for you. There was no way that was going to end unless he majorly messed up somehow. “No, she’s not.”

Kieffer looks at Tito getting giddy at the idea of you and Mat ending up together. “Ok, we can ignore him,” he says, pushing himself between Mat and Tito, “I wouldn’t go as far as saying wife, but there was definitely something there. She was very different talking to you compared to when she was talking to Kyle. Even the photos of them compared to the one we found of you two were worlds apart.” Mat tries to remember them even talking about Kyle. They must have done it when he was talking to Mona, which means they’re seeing something he’s not.

“Ok, sit down. We’re having a serious conversation and I’m tired from practice,” Kieffer says, pulling Tito and Mat down to the floor with him, the rest of the guys still mulling around them, trying to get in the zone for their game tomorrow night. Another loss would not bode well for anyone, at this point. “Do you love Mona?”

“No,” Mat responds, Tito muttering ‘thank god’ under his breath. It wasn’t even something Mat needed to think about; he knew he didn’t love Mona.

“Do you see yourself falling in love with her?”

Mat hesitates, even though he already knows the answer, “Probably not.”

“Did you love Y/N?”

“Yeah,” he admits, again without hesitation. Part of him was convinced that you were the only thing he loved beside hockey.

“Do you still love her?”

Mat looks between Kieffer and his hands which are suddenly shaking. He remembers falling in love with you; from your laugh to the way you fidget with the hem of your shirt when you’re nervous, how you get lost in the book you’re reading and get absorbed in the world of the story so much so that the world around you almost doesn’t exist, that the two of you have the same favorite ice cream flavor, your favorite pair of shoes growing up was your converse, and how you nearly killed him when he spilled paint on them during art class when you were 10, so he saved up his money to buy you two new pairs in case he got paint on a pair again. But did he ever actually fall out of love with you?

“I might.”

-------------

You wake up to the sun shining into your room, Kyle sitting up scrolling through Twitter on his phone, and a cup of coffee already on your bedside table, hopefully, made just the way you liked it. “Good morning, beautiful, Kyle says, pulling you in for a kiss once he realizes you’re away. “I have an idea.”

“Ideas already?” you ask, taking a sip of the coffee. Way too much sugar, but he had gone through the trouble of making in the first place, so you just had to grin and bear it.

“Why don’t we go into the city and explore? We finished unpacking everything yesterday so what else were we going to do? We could do Central Park and have a picnic there and be all sappy like you love to be,” he suggests, starting to get out of bed.

You were thankful his back was facing you, since you definitely made a face when he said you loved being sappy. You were pretty against PDA, something he knew pretty well. At most, you would tolerate holding his hand or kissing his cheek, but anything more romantic you never wanted to do. He was trying to do something sweet, though, so it was the thought that counts, right?

“I love that idea,” you tell him, starting to get ready.

“Oh, you never told me how the other night went when you were out with the girls,” Kyle calls from the bathroom.

“Uh it was fun,” you call. Do you tell him about Mat now, or not at all? You two had been texting pretty much nonstop since that night. You picked up pretty much where you left off all those years ago, but it was almost like no time had passed at all.

Kyle doesn’t even give you the chance to say anything else, he just starts talking about god only knows what. You couldn’t even pay attention to him, your mind wandering as Mat sent you another text before he went off to practice. There was nothing going on between you and Mat. But why did you have to tell yourself that in the first place? And why did your heart flutter every time his name popped up on your screen?

You had to admit, Kyle had the right idea. He packed a picnic for you, which you were now unpacking in the middle of Central Park. Around you, families were playing, college students were throwing a frisbee, people were going for runs, there were people lying on the grass reading. New York was such a chaotic city, but you loved it. It was a welcome change of pace from what you had grown up with in Vancouver.

Your phone buzzes, snapping you out of your admiration of the people around you. Kyle catches a glimpse of the contact. “Mat Barzal? Like your ex Mat Barzal?”

“Yeah, I met him at the bar the other night. I thought I told you,” you lie, knowing that you didn’t as you answer his text. You can’t help but smile at what he sent, obviously upsetting Kyle.

“No. You didn’t.” His tone had changed from the cheery one it was in the morning to ice cold. No one would be happy that their fiance was suddenly back in contact with their ex, so you understood why. But it was Mat. You hadn’t seen him in years.

“He’s just a friend. He’s someone we both know from home, it wouldn’t hurt to talk to him everyone once in a while.”

“Why not invite him out with us tonight?” Kyle suggests, his cheeks red as he looks at his food and not you.

“We were going out tonight?”

“I mean, yeah, why not. You’re right. He’s a familiar face in a foreign city. It wouldn’t hurt to know someone.”

“Are you sure?” Kyle’s tone suggested that he wasn’t. None of his body language matched what he said he wanted. He nods, even though he doesn’t want to. You text Mat, asking him to go out with you and Kyle that night. You already knew it was going to be a bad idea. “He said sure,” you tell Kyle once Mat responds.

“Want to hand me the dessert?” Kyle asks.

“Sure,” you say, digging around in the bag, not really knowing what to be looking for. You find a bag of cookies, “These?”

“Yeah.”

“What kind are they?” you ask him, handing them to him.

He opens the bag, the smell hitting you immediately. “Your favorite: peanut butter chocolate chip.��

“Kyle, what do you mean?” you squeal, pretty much jumping up from the blanket, “I’m allergic to peanut butter, put those away!” How could he forget something like that?

-------

Mat couldn’t believe when you had texted him inviting him to dinner, especially since he couldn’t stop thinking about taking you out as it was. What shocked him even more was when you told him Kyle was going to be there, too. You told him to meet you at seven, and it was 7:07, him running not too late, but late enough that he was frazzled.

He finally makes his way to the restaurant, finding you immediately. Something about seeing you calmed his nerves, but seeing you with Kyle made him frantic again. You and Kyle were sitting on separate sides, neither of you talking to each other but looking at your phones instead. As soon as you made eye contact with him, Mat could feel his breath stop. He never did stop loving you, even though he didn’t tell Tito and Kieffer. Seeing you with your fiance did not sit right. All he could do was be your friend.

“Hi, I’m so sorry I’m late,” he apologizes, slipping into the seat next to you.

“No, it’s fine,” you say, at the same time as Kyle saying, “I guess with an NHL salary you couldn’t afford a better watch, eh?”

“Kyle!” you scoff. You knew this was a bad idea, and already, Mat regretted saying yes.

“It was just a joke,” he shrugs, not looking up from his phone.

You mouth, ‘I’m sorry’ to Mat, him just shaking it off. He tries to make conversation with Kyle, but with no success. Every time he asked Kyle a question, Kyle responded with a short, one-worded answer. He never looked up from his food or his phone, he didn’t so much as look at you or Mat in the eye during the conversation. At one point, you and Mat just pick up the conversation you were having the entire day.

“Excuse me, sweetie,” an older couple comes up to your table, “We just wanted to say how cute you and your fiance are,” she motions between you and Mat. You both try to open your mouth to protest, but they leave before you can correct her.

“Great,” Kyle says, throwing his napkin on the table and getting up to leave. You don’t know if he intended on going home, but frankly, you would rather leave without him. You didn’t feel like having a fight with him in the Uber anyway.

“Shouldn’t you go after him?” Mat asks, shocked that you were even still sitting next to him.

“I don’t really want to,” you admit, staring at your plate of food. “Plus, we invited you out, I’m not going to leave you with the bill.”

He sits there, studying your face. He can see the tears start to form in your eyes, you fidgeting with your ring again, sliding it up and down your finger as if you wanted to take it off right there. “If you stuck me with the bill, I would just Venmo request you for twice what it came out to be,” he jokes, hoping to lighten the mood at least a little.

You laugh, shaking your head at him. “Yeah, we both know with that NHL salary that you can’t even afford a watch.” The two of you sit in silence for a moment, you debating on asking him what you wanted to. Mat wanted to ask you why you were with Kyle in the first place. Why would you be with a guy who acted like that in front of an old friend? Ex or not, you should still be civil. “Do you remember what kind of cookies I liked?” you ask him, praying that he wouldn’t.

But of course, he did. “Store-bought, you love those Keebler chocolate chip ones with the M&M’s. But homemade?” he stops, trying to wrack his brain to remember, “You used to love those sugar cookies that my mom made. Remember with the homemade icing? She told me that when you graduated from high school and from college that she made them for your parties, and that she had to make an extra batch just for you because she knew that you would eat them all yourself.”

“How do you even remember that?” you ask him, smiling.

“How could I not? I’m pretty sure those cookies are the only reason you were friends with me in the first place. But she always made sure to scrub the kitchen and everything she used before making them because my sister used to make those peanut butter cookies a lot and she didn’t want to risk you having any sort of allergic reaction.”

You can’t help but smile, but you can’t look him in the eye. Why were you with Kyle?

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagines #mathew barzal #mathew barzal imagine #new york islanders #new york islanders imagines #hockey #hockey imagines #nhl #nhl imagines

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jerkbitchidjitassbutt · 5 years ago

Text

Hope To See You

Characters: Jensen x Reader

A/n: Thank you @our-jensen-ackles-love for this little bit of inspiration. I needed it. Single!Jensen (kind of set around season 4 in my mind). Warnings: Embarrassment? Cussing? Completely un-beta’d, all mistakes are mine (and I’m tired, so there’s probably some)

Who’s idea was this?

Who thought it was a good idea to move into a three-floor walk-up? On, like, the hottest day of the year? During the hottest part of the morning?

Finally, how on earth was it a smart decision to pack your “delicates” in a box instead of a trash bag like a normal human being? You know, one that could be tied and secured just in case said item happened to fall out of your grasp and down two flights of stairs? Also, who uses tape to make sure boxes don't open? The little foldy thing where you tuck the stupid flaps underneath each other is supposed to work to close the box. But no.

Because of your defective boxes—yes, it was the box’s fault—every bra and piece of lingerie you owned now littered the stairs of the new apartment building you were currently moving into after it bounced noisily down every step and spattered its contents everywhere as it vaulted off of every surface.

So here you were, rapidly attempting to gather your undergarments and praying to whomever was listening that your new neighbors wouldn’t peak out of their doors as you scattered passed.

This damn box managed to make it all the way to the bottom platform, so as you scrambled down the last flight of stairs with arms full of tit slingers and lacy nighties, the very last thing you wanted to see was perched on the bottom step staring dumbfounded at an array of women’s unmentionables.

A fucking gorgeous man with green eyes and perfectly tousled hair in a black t-shirt and jeans stood there with his mouth agape, “Uh… hi.” He uttered, an expression of what looked like a mixture of confusion and intrigue.

Blowing some of the hair that had managed to fall from your ponytail out of your face, you responded, “Hey. Hi. Hi.” Not entirely sure how many times you were supposed to say hello in a typical greeting, but whatevs.

His eyes stared into yours for a heavy moment before he spoke again, “Do you—do you need a hand?” Adonis dude asked.

“Um… I just kind of need that box right there.” You pointed toward the dilapidated piece of cardboard that was crumpled next to his feet.

As he bent down to retrieve it a fleeting image passed through your head of this guy leisurely walking towards the staircase twirling his keys when an explosion of lace and padding flew at him from all directions.

He unfolded the now flattened box and did the foldy thing “correctly” and allowed you to dump your armful of embarrassment into it. He graciously held the box while you hastily gathered the last few pieces and all too quickly tried to close the stupid defective thing. Granted, it seemed like he was attempting to fixate his eyesight anywhere but the thing in his hand, so at least he was gentlemanly.

You straightened your now sweat drenched tank top and brushed the hair from your eyes, “Thank you. Sorry about that.”

He laughed. Damn, how is a laugh that sexy?

“Its okay, really. Its just not everyday I come home to such interesting step decorations.”

“Yeah.” You snickered, taking the box from his arms. “Interesting is definitely the word to describe this.”

“I’d offer to carry that for you, but uh…”

“No, that’s okay.” You huffed it onto your hip. “I’ve got it this time. I’m just going to keep both hands on it now.”

The two of you began trekking up the stairs side by side when he turned to you, “I’m Jensen, by the way.”

“Hi. I’m Y/n.”

“Nice to meet you. What apartment are you moving into?”

“3B.”

“Oh, cool. We’ll be neighbors.”

“Really?” you said, hoping to sound cool and collected, but it came out more regretful than you’d hoped.

He—Jensen, you reminded yourself—chuckled dryly and raised an eyebrow, “Do I seem that bad already?”

“No!” you all but yelled. “No, not at all. I’m sorry, that’s not how I meant that.” Damnit. Fuck. Son of a bitch. “I, uh… I’m just a little embarrassed that I’ll have to relive this awkward moment for at least a one year lease.”

“Hey, nothing to be embarrassed about. It happens.” He tried.

“Does it, now? Do you often see women slewing their most private clothing items across a very public part of their new building?” you said with a smirk, keeping your tone as light as you could to hide the dread at the recent memory.

“Well, no… but if it helps I’ll hang my laundry outside to dry if you’d like.”

You couldn’t help the giggled that escaped your lips, “Not necessary, honest. But, if you don’t mind, lets just never mention this again, please?” you asked as you reached your door, dropping the box on the ground by your feet.

“I don't know, Y/n. I may just need some conversation starters with the neighbors.”

When you whipped your head around, he was already holding his hands up in surrender, “I’m kidding. I’m kidding. I won’t say anything, I swear.”

“Thanks. And thanks again for the help, Jensen—“

“Ackles.” He replied, extending a hand.

“Y/l/n.” you said, sighing a bit too deeply when his hand enveloped yours, the warmth of him seeping into your already flushed skin.

He smiled, one that made his plump lips fuse together and his dimples appear at the corners of his mouth. Of course. This is the guy that had to witness the dumpster fire that you were right now; sweating like a swamp dragon in cutoff shorts and your music festival tank top from last year and muddy chuck taylors.

When he released your sweaty palm, you opened your grey door and shoved the box of incriminating garments into your foyer, next to the plethora of other boxes you’d already brought up.

“Do you need any help bringing up your other stuff? I’m happy to help.” Jensen offered, still standing in the breezeway.

“That was actually the last box.,” you answered, shoving your hands into your pockets. “My new job hired movers for the other stuff. It got here yesterday.”

“Is that what brings you here? A new job?”

“Yeah. From the U.S. to Vancouver. Working on a show called ‘Supernatural’. I actually haven’t even seen it. My last boss recommended me for a job opening, and I guess they had a spot they desperately needed to fill, so here I am. Didn’t even have much time to research before I had to pack up and get here. I was going to binge the first season later.”

Jensen’s cheeks flushed a bit and rubbed the back of his neck shyly, “Oh, yeah. I’ve—I’ve heard of it. Let me know what you think.”

“I’ve been hearing about it since it came out a few years ago, just never got around to watching it. I’m sure I’ll love it.”

He rocked back on his heels and huffed the air from his cheeks, “Well, if you need anything, just let me know.” He began walking backwards before turning to the door directly across from yours.

“I will. Thanks, Jensen.”

“It was really nice to meet you, Y/n.” he grinned, his smile a bit too flirty to be friendly, if you were to say so yourself.

As he shut his door, you released a deep breath and let yourself into your new apartment, a bit more excited about the new chapter you were starting.

...

Later that night, after you’d mostly finished unpacking and had a very long shower, you were seated on your familiar couch with a glass of wine. Your old boss hooked you up with a copy of the first season DVDs from his own collection, so you slid it out of the small paper case and inserted the silver disc with “season 1, eps 1-5” written on it in permanent marker.

Once you pressed ‘play’, you were quickly enthralled—and heartbroken—as you saw a young father thrust a baby into another young boys arms.

“Take your brother outside as fast as you can. Don't look back. Now, Dean. Go!”

Then, about four minutes later, you were watching as Sam had a scuffle with an intruder in his apartment.

“Wait a minute.” You whispered into the empty of your own apartment.

“Easy there tiger.”

“Holy shit! That's—” You exclaimed.

After a few more scenes, you couldn’t stand it any longer.

You padded to the door in your fuzzy slippers and pj’s and flung it open, not entirely sure what you were planning to do.

Once it swung with force, you stepped into the breezeway to see a small basket sitting by your doormat. In it was a bottle of red wine, a map of Vancouver, a blanket, and a brand new copy of the first season of Supernatural, this time with a case showcasing the main actors on the sleeve cover. One of whom you now recognized as your neighbor.

An envelope sat atop the gift with a small piece of cardstock enclosed.

Y/n,

I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I don't know if it was because I didn't want to scare you or if it was because I was hoping to get to know you before the ‘actor’ title set in. Meeting you today was probably one of the most interesting and exciting things to happen to me in a while. I didn’t know someone could look so beautiful flustered and stumbling down the stairs after runaway undergarments.

I’d love to take you out to dinner tomorrow night to tell you about the show and Vancouver—and, if you’re interested, we can get to know one another as well. If you’re available, I’ll meet you downstairs at 7:30.

I hope to see you.

-Jensen

“Son of a bitch.”

You picked up the basket, ran back inside, and immediately gathered an outfit for tomorrow night. Once it was laid out, you raced back to your couch and pressed play, a new spark igniting in your chest each time “Dean” appeared on your screen.

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joshuahyslop · 4 years ago

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BOOKS

The last 10 books I’ve read:

1. Wolf - Jim Harrison I found this book in one of the little neighbourhood book exchanges that are all around Vancouver. They look like little log cabins and it’s a loose “take a book, leave a book” policy. I’ve liked some of Harrison’s other books as well as some of his poetry so I picked it up. It’s fairly well written but it’s one of the most depraved and depressed characters I’ve read in a long time. It’s like a darker more depraved version of “On The Road”. More misogynistic, more obsessed with sex and completely lacking of anything philosophic. One of the reviewers on the back cover said it was (paraphrasing) a poetic depiction of a joyful life. I guess I must have read a different book.

2. The Crying of Lot 49 - Thomas Pynchon The first book of Pynchon’s I’d picked up. This was such an enjoyable read. I’ve steered clear of his books for fear of not being able to understand them. Every time I’ve talked about wanting to read his book “Gravity’s Rainbow”, I’ve been asked if I’ve read anything else by him. As if that’s a requirement. When I bought this book the teller asked me the same question. When I said no, he said “This is a good place to start.” I don’t know why that is, but now I’ve read one of his books and enjoyed it. I’ve eased into the Pynchon. I think I’m allowed to read another one now.

3. Joyland - Stephen King This was incredibly disappointing. I’ve read a lot of King’s books. They’re often hit or miss but they’re almost always enjoyable as brain candy. Books like, “The Shining”, “Carrie” or “Misery” are well written and suspenseful. It makes sense why he’s heralded as the King of Horror. But this one does not measure up. In fact, it falls very short of the rest of his work that I’ve read. I felt myself cringing at some of his dialogue. It was just so cheesy. Even though it was set in the 70′s, no one’s ever spoken like that. There’s very little suspense and the story itself isn’t very engaging. When you finally get to the action it’s only a couple of pages and then it’s done. It’s a very quick read, but definitely skippable.

4. The Truth About Stories - Thomas King A friend of mine who loves to read gave me a bag full of books to check out. This was one of them. It’s one of the CBC Massey Lectures and I love that series. I have a bunch of them already so I was excited to check this out. I also have King’s book, “The Inconvenient Indian” on my bookshelf in my “to read” pile. A pile that does nothing but seem to grow. But it’s still a ways down in the pile. So I thought I’d check out this little book because it’s only 5 essays and it would give me a sample of his writing. I’m very glad that I did. It’s so well written. It’s funny, it’s sad, it makes you think. If you care about stories, politics, religion, and the treatment of First Nations people by the US and Canadian governments, you should give this a read. I can’t wait to get to his book.

5. Deadeye Dick - Kurt Vonnegut In my last post I mentioned liking Vonnegut a lot and being surprised at how few of his books I’d read. It turns out I’m just very bad at using technology. I keep a Word document of all the books I’ve read to avoid reading the same book twice, accidentally. I’d tried using the “find” function and somehow did it wrong, so only a few Vonnegut titles showed up. As it turns out, this was the ninth book by Vonnegut that I’d read. That makes way more sense to me. I enjoyed this one a lot. It’s pretty funny and pretty sad. A good combination, if you ask me.

6. 69 - Ryu Murakami One of my favourite local used bookstores offers store credit if you bring in some books and they decide to buy them from you. You can either take cash or store credit. If you choose credit, you have to spend it all before you go. It’s fun. On this particular visit I had about $60 worth of credit. I’d picked the books I wanted and still had $14 left. They recommended this book. i’d never read anything by this Murakami (no relation to Haruki) so I had no idea what to expect but I was excited to check it out. I loved it. It takes place in 1969 and follows the path of some high school students looking to join or start some kind of counter-cultural movement. The two main characters actually reminded me a lot of my own experience in high school. I’ll be checking out more of his writing for sure.

7. Infinite Jest - David Foster Wallace Good lord. This was a mountain I’d tried to climb once before and failed. To have finally finished this book is no small feat. Standing at the top, looking back down I’m actually amazed I made it all the way through. It’s not that it’s an unenjoyable read. On the contrary. It’s very well written and quite enjoyable. It’s just that it’s over 1100 pages and contains 388 footnotes, many of which are several pages long and some even have footnotes of their own. At times it can feel like you’re reading two or three books at once. Another challenge is that there are at least 3 plots taking place all at once. Each story can jump ahead or backwards in time which can be tricky to track, PLUS there are character’s plot-lines that are introduced in great detail (one that comes to mind takes 11 pages to describe a young man addicted to marijuana anxiously waiting for his dealer to arrive) that are never again revisited. The three main story lines are loosely connected but the book takes its sweet time revealing that fact. All of that, mind you, and we still haven’t even mentioned the deep themes of addiction, suicide and capitalism that run throughout the book. I’m very glad I’ve read it. I usually enjoyed doing so. But if you’re not committed, if you don’t have some serious time to lean in, or if you don’t like his style of writing then perhaps you should steer clear. It’s an uphill climb, for sure.

8. Kwaidan: Stories and Studies of Strange Things - Lafcadio Hearn This book caught my eye while I was taking my son for a walk. It was in the window of another one of our local bookstores, so I stopped in and checked it out. It’s a book of Japanese ghost stories and myths from hundreds if not thousands of years ago. The stories themselves are sometimes scary, sometimes funny, sometimes very confusing, but always enjoyable. Although the last three chapters completely disregard all things Japanese and consist of the authors philosophical rumination regarding Butterflies and the afterlife, Mosquitoes and the taking of innocent life (even when it seems to serve no purpose), and Ants and their altruistic existence vs our individualistic societies. There are other books in this series and I plan to check out at lease one more. I’ve always wanted to go to Japan so I’ve got a definite bias here, but if you like myths or ghost stories there’s a good chance you’d enjoy this book.

9. Braiding Sweetgrass - Robin Wall Kimmerer I know I’m late to the party on this one, but this is a fantastic book. It’s one that I’ll be recommending for years to come. Its subtitle is: “Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teaching of Plants”. It is all of that and so much more. I truly loved reading this book. I took notes. I underlined. I had to stop to think and reflect. I’d definitely encourage you to do the same.

10. Masters of Atlantis - Charles Portis This book is hilarious. Very dry, very droll. It’s a tongue-in-cheek look at the people who organize and who believe in secret societies, cults and religion in general. I didn’t know what to expect when I started it. The only other book by Portis that I’ve read was True Grit. This book is absolutely nothing like that. It’s completely it’s own. The only thing it has in common is Portis’ sense of humour. I don’t know that I’ve ever read anything quite so dry as this before. Maybe something by S.J. Perelman or something like that. This book was recommended to me by M.C. Taylor from Hiss Golden Messenger so I was pretty confident it would be good. It’s safe to say I would never have picked it up without the recommendation but also, I’m glad that I did.

more soon, -joshua

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johannesviii · 5 years ago

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Top 10 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2019

The last list, for now. It’s been a wild ride.

Not the best of these lists, but some really refreshing stuff charted that year, and what was good was super good. And also, here’s a barely elligible #1 that nobody seemed to care about for some reason.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

In 2019, my finger was fixed, I dropkicked depression in the garbage bin (with a little help from Eurovision because it was super good and full of hilarious shit), got married, and went on a roadtrip on Vancouver Island (BC, Canada), and that was my first real travel in 13 years. Met a lot of great people, seen amazing places, trees, bears and whales. And planes are also part of the adventure when you’re not used to them (you can watch movies on little screens from your seat now?? I had no idea. I watched so many movies). It was very exciting.

I also saw VNV Nation live in February, for the third time in six years. This time I had enough budget to buy a tshirt. I wasn’t expecting that concert to be even better than the previous two. At that point the new album had only been out for a couple of months and we still knew the lyrics of most of the new songs and Ronan’s face was constantly broadcasting a kind of “...........how” expression (face it guys, we like you. A lot). And they finished with All Of Our Sins and let me tell you, half the club was ready to start a revolution by the time that was over. Super intense.

Ok. 2019 albums! First, let’s talk about some negative things. Coldplay released Everyday Life at the end of the year. It was... uh. It was basically how I stopped loving their new stuff. That’s a very sad conclusion (for now) to this saga. This is exactly what I feared would have happened after Viva La Vida, aka them trying to go back to their earlier sound - except in the meantime we’ve got three fantastic albums with songs full of energy and joy. So I’m not too mad about this, just disappointed.

Within Temptation released Resist, and it wasn’t very good either, but I appreciated the general aesthetic of it. More SF-themed albums in symphonic metal, please. NF released The Search and while I’m still not a fan there’s a song on it that would have been #1 on this list if it had been elligible, so that’s something. And Carly Rae Jepsen released Dedicated and it was super good so why isn’t she getting new hits. Why. It feels unfair. Oh, and Avantasia made Moonglow and that’s the first time I’ve cared about their stuff in like a decade or so. Ghost In The Moon is super good, check it out.

But the big event of the year music-wise, as far as I’m concerned, was the return of two bands I thought we had lost forever. Of course My Chemical Romance reformed, but they don’t have new music yet, so the main event for this post is the return of Tool with Fear Inoculum. It’s not even their best album, but having a pretty good new Tool album in the year of our lord 2019 wasn’t at all something I was counting on. Of course, the hardcore fans are still as insufferable as ever (insert the “you need a pretty high IQ” copypasta here), but it didn’t spoil my enjoyment of it. Come on! Their first album in 13 years! 80 minutes of hypnotic heavy rhythms and weird shit, an album that trolled me when I opened it by playing a music video while I was looking somewhere else (yeah I jumped), and they even managed to land a track for one week on the US hot 100! Again, Tool! On the hot 100! in 2019! Unbelievable. Are we starting to return to the good timeline? I certainly hope so.

Unelligible songs, now. The Search by NF would have topped this list super easily. Might be one of the songs I listened to the most in 2019, actually. Now That I Found You by Carly Rae Jepsen, again, should have been a hit, and I beg you to watch this music video if you’ve never seen it. The 1975 released the super unexpected People, which was still good, and also Frail State of Mind. And most unexpected of all, three artists I didn’t care about at all teamed up and made absolute gold: I Think I’m OKAY, by Machine Gun Kelly, YUNGBLUD and Travis Barker. That would have been the second slot on this list if it had been elligible. Or maybe the first, even? Not sure. I’m just so happy this kind of angry but uplifting music is starting to become popular again. I just love everything about this song.

Here’s a short list of honorable mentions!

Roi (Bilal Hassani) - I don’t like this song a lot, but I do like it, I’m glad it was our song for the ESC 2019, and Bilal is a very nice and endearing person, and everyone who disrespects him on twitter is free to come fight me in the pit, where I’m still waiting with that tambourine from my 1992 list.

Con Calma (Daddy Yankee, Katy Perry, Snow) - You already know I liked the original Informer a lot, so I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pleased to hear this clone of it on the radio.

Breathin’ (Ariana Grande) - Here’s the usual “if I had better taste this would be higher” honorable mention.

Summer Days (Martin Garrix) - In the absence of any new hit song from Macklemore this will do in a pinch.

Circles (Post Malone) - The fact that everyone seems to adore this and I’m over there saying “it’s ok I guess” probably means I will never love Post Malone nor understand the hype about him, and that’s okay, I can live with that.

High Hopes (Panic! At the Disco) - Still elligible. Still good but too borderline annoying to make the list.

How Do You Sleep (Sam Smith) - This year Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I’m LIVING FOR THIS. I certainly hope they continue in that direction.

And now, the list.

10 - La Grenade (Clara Luciani)

US: Not on the list / FR: #55

The only semi-filler on the list. I still like it a lot. Don’t have anything to say about it, though.

9 - Panini (Lil Nas X)

US: #40 / FR: Not on the list

Wasn’t too impressed by this at first and it took a while to grow on me, but the chorus is a nice little earworm, and “hey panini, don’t you be a meanie” has a tendency to pop in my head when I read hateful comments on the internet now. And Lil Nas X is just too endearing to be ignored. We’re so lucky to have someone who became famous so quickly and instantly decided to dress like a Jojo character and have the geekiest music videos possible and still be super nice and humble. We don’t deserve this guy.

8 - Dance Monkey (Tones And I)

US: Not on the list / FR: #6

I’m super glad the US are finally getting on the hype train in 2020 because this is a ton of fun. If the voice was juuuuuust a little less grating this would be even higher. Impossible to get it out of your head and somehow in this case that’s a good thing.

7 - Dancing With a Stranger (Sam Smith & Normani)

US: #14 / FR: Not on the list

As I said in the honorable mentions, Sam Smith pulled a Viva La Vida and decided to stop making boring music all of a sudden and I couldn’t be happier about that. This song is still a bit too calm for my taste most of the time, but when I’m in the right mood, it’s just fantastic.

Again, I hope Sam Smith continues in that direction, because if you had told me a couple of years ago that I would start to like their stuff one day, I would have laughed out loud.

6 - Bad Guy (Billie Eilish)

US: #4 / FR: #16

Duh.

I’m not as enthusiastic about When The Party’s Over as a ton of people are, mostly because, well, it’s a slow emotional song with little to no colour in it and by now you’re already aware I tend to have next to zero interest in that kind of songs. Bad Guy, on the other hand, is half hilarious half scary in equal doses, and even if I’m not super fond of the weird outro, it’s still a fantastic, weird as shit song, and I’m really glad Billie Eilish exists. Can’t wait to see where she goes from there.

I’m super glad this song didn’t come out when I was a teenager myself though. Come to think of it, I’m not sure I would have survived if the musical landscape from 16 years ago had been as depressed as it currently is. Thank god music is slowly getting more energetic again in 2020. Let’s stay on that track.

5 - Hey Look Ma I Made It (Panic! At The Disco)

US: #61 / FR: Not on the list

I follow several music critics on youtube and over the course of 2019, I’ve seen undiluted vitriol and hatred against this song (Spectrum Pulse even made a list of his “worst hit songs” of the decade and put this one at #10! TEN!!). And... I don’t really get where it’s coming from? Maybe I’m too literal-minded to see what the problem is with a sarcastic song saying “look I sold out and now I found success again! And it’s not that great!”. I just think it’s a lot of fun. Thank god Todd put it on his best list, at least we can agree on one thing for once.

It is hilarious that after putting so many Fall Out Boy songs on my lists, the one that I love the most from Panic! is the sellout song. Not sure why this was huge while the even better Say Amen wasn’t, though.

4 - Sunflower (Swae Lee & Post Malone)

US: #2 / FR: Not on the list

I usually don’t get the “chill” songs that tend to be successful these days but this one, unlike most Post Malone songs (bar Circles), has lovely pastel colors and a cloudy texture and it’s a really good vibe. It took several months to grow on me but it sure did.

In about ten years, people will listen to Sunflower and be submerged by nostalgia, mark my words.

3 - Old Town Road (Lil Nas X)

US: #1 / FR: #1 (see, everyone agrees for once)

Everyone on the planet already wrote a thinkpiece about this song and yet I’ve only seen maybe one out of five mentioning, just in passing, that the entire song is based on a Nine Inch Nail track from Ghosts I-IV, superbly re-used to make a weird and insanely catchy country hip hop song out of it. Ghosts has been one of my go-to albums to listen to while I’m painting for about ten years now. I’m saying all this because hearing a track from Ghosts on the radio for months was absolute bliss for me, especially in a new and improved version.

Thank you Lil Nas X for everything you’ve been doing and I wish you a long and successful career. You deserve it. I love this and I love you.

2 - Bury A Friend (Billie Eilish)

US: #73 / FR: Not on the list

Hello again, Billie Eilish.

This song is absolutely terrifying and that was before I even saw the music video. This is the soundtrack of your nightmares right there. I’m not even sure it deserves to be so high on the list, but frankly I’m too terrified to care. Maybe Old Town Road should be higher. I don’t know.

Also you have to know that when I’m super tired I go into echolalia mode and automatically repeat words or entire sentences that my brain considers interesting, like “potiron” (pumpkin) or “dramatique” ; and recently, my brain decided “when we all fall asleep, where do we go?”, sung exactly like it’s sung in this song, was its new favorite sentence. So. Hearing yourself saying that to an empty room while you’re drawing or folding clothes or cleaning plates is not a very pleasant experience, and it makes this song extra scary to me.

And now, here’s the last #1 of the last one of these lists (for now), and I’m glad to announce it closes this series of posts in a super fitting way.

Check this out. It’s so perfect in every way.

1 - Walk Me Home (Pink)

US: #99 / FR: Not on the list

Nobody seemed to care about this song over the course of 2019, and it's barely elligible, and I still have no idea why. The music reviewers I follow only either talked about it super briefly when it came out, or not at all. The rare ones who were making top 100s at the end of the year instead of top 10s usually put it somewhere in the middle of their lists. And yet it’s the elligible song I’ve listened to the most.

If you’ve been reading this series of posts for a while now, you probably already know exactly why it’s here, but here’s a quick recap.

The second album I ever bought in my life was Pink’s Missundaztood in 2002, and I loved her music a lot:

I was still really fond of her stuff in 2007:

Then she started to become less interesting and I basically ignored her apart from a brief blip on my radar in 2017:

Meanwhile, in 2012, fun. made some of the best songs of the entire decade before vanishing instantly, and I’ve been mourning them ever since:

And in the middle of last year, here I am, listening to the radio, and suddenly I hear something that sounds exactly like a fun. song, except I’ve never heard it before and it’s sung by a female singer, and, most importantly, it’s 2019 and fun. broke up more than six years earlier. And I’m like, what’s going on. This is so good. What the hell. What is this.

And I hear it a second time weeks later, and I google it, and I discovered that 1) it was Pink singing this, which made it my favorite Pink song in literally more than ten years, and 2) it was, indeed, written by one of the guys from fun., among other people who’s influence is less obvious.

I guess the main lesson from 2019, between newcomers making great music based on dead trends, old groups reforming, and this song, is that nothing’s gone forever, and things you used to enjoy can come back at the most unexpected time and in the most unexpected form.

There’s always, always gonna be new music to love, and it’s just a question of time.

Quick note

And with this, these lists are over... for now.

I don’t regret making them even if they were a ton of work, because that was super useful for a lot of different reasons.

They helped me get a better understanding of my own life’s chronology. That may sound stupid but I tend to link events to the music I was listening to at the time, and putting all that music in chronological order helped a lot.

I rediscovered a ton of songs I had completely forgotten about, and a lot of new ones. My playlist is much richer now and I’m happy about that.

I also discovered a few artists I knew nothing about.

It forced me to analyse two depressive episodes in my life and just because everything was now in exact chronological order, it accidentally helped me pinpoint what caused both of them. Better and cheaper than therapy. Impressive.

It made me realise how important some bands and artists had been in my life, and I relistened to some of their catalogue while making these lists. For some it was really obvious (Indochine, Placebo, Mylène Farmer, My Chemical Romance among some others), and for some others (Moby, Linkin Park, Mika in particular), it was a real surprise.

It made me realise that Placebo might have been huge in France but weirdly enough not that huge in the UK nor in the US. It’s especially striking when you look at their wikipedia page in English then in French and realise how detailed the French one is compared to the English one. Can’t believe Sleeping With Ghosts was a n°1 album here and basically nowhere else. That was the band where that discrepency was the most obvious but it wasn’t the only one like that. Really puts stuff in perspective.

It also helped me realise how cyclical popular music is. 1) trends tend to die near the end of every decade and the worst year is usually somewhere between the 8th and the 9th year. 2008 and 2018 tend to confirm this. 2) For the same reason, some new & interesting stuff appears at the beginning of every decade, and reaches its high point of quality between the 2nd and 4th year of the decade. 3) Basically I’m saying we’ve now passed the lowest musical quality in recent memory and 2022-2023 will have some exceptional music.

See you in December 2020. I have no doubt there’s a ton of great music coming up in the near future.

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #the last one #I can't believe this is over #I loved making these lists #spider tw #eye contact tw

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lianneoelke · 4 years ago

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The Vancouver Island & Sunshine Coast Loop: A Solo Cycle Tour of BC’s Finest Retirement Communities. Part 2

Day 4: I hit the road at 7am. A quick ride on the Trans Canada woke me up and brought me to my daily bakery stop.

Serious Coffee for Serious Cyclists.

After second breakfast, I only had to follow one road: the 19A. With wide shoulders and no navigation required, I made good time up the coast. It would have been top notch riding if it wasn’t for the EXCESSIVE WIND that blew all day for NO REASON AT ALL.

The best views were at Union Bay, where I slowed down a little too much until I realized the ferry I wanted to catch was coming up soon. I gunned it the last 25km to Comox, which was, shockingly, FULL OF HILLS. I gave up on my granny gear zen and let my rage carry me to the ferry terminal, where I caught the 3:25 just in time. The wind refused to chill out so I sat inside and charged my phone while I watched the white caps dance on the ocean.

Once I landed in Powell River it was only a few minutes to the campsite. After 113km my legs once again felt perfectly normal, which was weird. Sitting on a bike saddle, however, was deeply uncomfortable. I decided to walk the 3km to Townsite Brewing, stopping to gorge on veggie korma and stuffed potato naan on the way.

I didn’t have room for another beer but I drank it anyway because I had biked HUNDREDS OF KILOMETERS to get there.

I met this beautiful cat on the way back to the campsite, where I quickly fell asleep.

Day 5 began with gear sorting. It seemed like a lot.

I was a bit apprehensive about biking on the Sunshine Coast as I heard it was even hillier than Vancouver Island, but if the family camping next to me could bike to Lund from Powell River with a trailer and a young kid, there's no reason Gavin and I couldn't. The hills were very present, but still doable. I only had 27km to go, and I would have enjoyed the long decent into Lund if I knew I wouldn't have to climb back up eventually.

Lund was a tiny, bustling hub. I was surprised at the size of the grocery and liquor store (also surprised there was a liquor store at all). The store didn’t have much fresh produce, but I can live off beans, chips, and hot dogs for DAYS, thank you very much. Next I headed to Nancy's Bakery for a couple sandos and one of their famous blackberry cinnamon buns (which I'd been thinking about since the last time I was there, two years ago). I found a patio spot next to an outlet and gave my phone one last top up, because I couldn’t count on charging anything on Savary Island. With a couple hours before my water taxi reservation, I found myself on my own with nothing to do, which hadn't happened yet on the trip. I decided to call my parents and tell them what I was doing. I promised my mom I’d write a blog post so I could share some photos (hi, mom!). It was bizzy on Savary Island: rubbermaids, bags, boxes of booze, bikes, and a line of trucks lined up the dock. The people quickly dispersed into various homes, cabins, guest houses, resorts, and moss covered trailers. I went up the hill (no matter where I went, it was up a hill) to the campground: a loose scattering of wooden tent pads on some guy’s property. The owner told me “There is no check in. You just find a site that looks good and settle in.” Cool.

Of course the only rain I saw on the trip happened as soon as I arrived at a sub-tropical island. I expected to have a nap ASAP, but instead opted for a cold shower and laundry in the sink. I couldn’t fully clean my smelly bike shorts with Camp Suds; I could only make them slightly less smelly.

Savary is a long, skinny island filled with lush rainforest and edged with white sandy beaches. After a comfortable and pitch black night, I was up at a decent hour. Day 6 was my rest day, which meant biking without all my gear. My legs felt overqualified for the 8km rip across the island and back.

It was Gavin’s rest day, too.

After a big brunch scramble and a hot dog, I headed to the beach, which was just as sunny and glorious as I imagined. I took a dip in the ocean, read, ate a bag of chips and a hot dog. When I ran out of food I went back to my camp and made an underwhelming dinner of overcooked veggies and terrible instant mashed potatoes with a hot dog.

One of the best books I’ve read in a long time. It’s about a girl growing up in a survivalist, ultra conservative, and unsafe family fighting for education, despite never setting foot in a classroom until the age of 17. I left my copy at a community library on Savary. Feel free to go get it. On day 7 I caught the morning water taxi back to Lund, then made one more stop at Nancy's before tackling the 3km uphill. It was overcast and muggy. Sweaty and grimy. The ride to Powell River was quick though, and I treated myself to a Buddha bowl and cold beer for lunch.

It was another 27km to Saltery Bay...

... which was an exceptionally beautiful provincial park.

Of course the campground attendant came to collect fees while I was in the middle of washing myself from a pot.

I felt resourceful that day. Like I belonged out there. It was the little things, like seeing the cycle route sign even though I didn’t see any other cyclists, collecting large rocks to hold my tent down because the ground was too hard for stakes, or improvising a bear hang because the campground didn’t have a bear proof locker for cyclists (get it together, Saltery). Part of me still feels like the kid who spends all her time reading, watching LOTR EE marathons, and making pizza at Panago for $6 an hour. I never grew up thinking of myself as athletic or woodsy, and compared to many people I'm not, but it's about time I realize I can do this on my own. And that I love it.

Day 8 began with a serene ferry ride to Earl's Cove. Out of the entire trip, I was the most nervous about the upcoming ride from Earl's to Sechelt. I knew it would be windy, narrow, and steep, and I didn’t want to end up schmucked on the side of the 101 because some yahoo hauling a yacht, four kayaks, and a dozen mountain bikes couldn't be bothered to slow down on a blind corner. But at this point I had 500km of experience, a bag of Sour Cherry Blasters, and my screaming pink cycling jersey to get through the day safely. It was relatively quiet early Wednesday morning, and the beautiful ride turned out to be one of my favourite sections.

I took a detour on Redrooffs Road after Half Moon Bay to get off the highway for a bit. It was scenic enough, but the elevation was stupid. I hadn’t walked Gavin up that many hills since Thetis Lake Regional Park. Things started to go downhill from there. Metaphorically of course, as the hills only went up.

Traffic volume started to increase at Sechelt, where I stopped for candy. The Cherry Blasters picked me right up, but not even a sugar rush can hold off eight days of fatigue indefinitely. The last few kilometers to Gibsons weren't exactly painful, but they were not pleasant. My faith in Google Maps’ elevation estimates might never recover. My bike chain was dry and squeaking, but I thought if I could just make it to my destination and offload my gear I could zip back into town and find a bike shop and get some lubricant. In reality, once I finally arrived at Mike's place, after 83km and over 1400m of elevation gain, I couldn't bring myself to take the hill down into Gibsons again. "Can olive oil work on bike chains" is not my proudest Google search, but weary, smelly, and perpetually damp cyclists are nothing if not humble. And the answer is no, not really, but olive oil is better than nothing.

Thankfully Persephone Brewing was within walking distance. My healing began with an order of spring rolls and a rye farmhouse ale.

That evening, as I settled in to my tent, I heard the soft whisper of my couch back at home. The call of the bahn mis at Chickpea that Brian said were amazing. The whinny of my stupidly sensitive horse on Red Dead Redemption 2 Online. The sweet yet powerful purr of Alley Cat, my gentle golden nugget. I was a two hour ride away from completing the biggest physical achievement of my life. A year ago running 5k was a stretch, and biking 11km to Richmond was a chore. I wanted to do an ambitious cycle tour to see if I could. And I can. There’s nothing particularly special about me, or most people, but that doesn’t have to stop us from getting shit done.

Day 9 was a quick ride down to the ferry, then a hilly ride through West Van on Marine Drive. Once I hit the Lions Gate Bridge, I knew I was home free.

Coming home after 9 days and 590km of a door-to-door solo cycle tour was incredibly satisfying.

Almost as satisfying as seeing my number one precious sweet potato again!

This sweet pup is my number two.

Maybe one day I’ll do a proper Google Maps route but this is the general idea.

Highlight(s): the views on Salt Spring, Sokka’s beautiful kitten face, the ride up from Nanaimo, the white sandy beaches at Savary, the peaceful ferry ride from Saltery, the surprisingly doable hills after Earl's Cove, the pics of my niece and nephew smiling on their first day back at school, the beers and food at Persephone, the moment I realized that I absolutely crushed every part of my ambitious plan. Lowlight: Thetis Lake Regional Park. Gold star: Gavin. This humble, unassuming, steel frame hybrid has been a true star, solid and dependable. I love this bike. I love what we can do together. Runner up: The weather. Almost perfect. Runner up: My legs. You know what you did.

#sunshinecoast #savaryisland #cycletour #cycletouring #camping #bc #british columbia #canada

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raysofcrosby · 6 years ago

Text

HOMETOWN

"𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘪𝘳𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘪𝘯 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦, 𝘪𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘯𝘰 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘳𝘺, 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘨𝘰𝘦𝘴 𝘢𝘸𝘢𝘺." – 𝙉𝙞𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙨 𝙎𝙥𝙖𝙧𝙠𝙨, 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙉𝙤𝙩𝙚𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙠

𝘨𝘪𝘧 𝘤𝘳𝘦𝘥𝘪𝘵 (𝘹)

𝘳𝘦𝘲𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥: yes | no

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨(𝘴): tbh nothing big, just some bad words here and there.

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵: 4,604

𝘪𝘯𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘳𝘦𝘥 𝘣𝘺: give me back my hometown by eric church

𝘢𝘶𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘦: tbh i’ve been in a huge writing funk lately the kind where i wanna write but can’t get myself to, so i found one of my old writings from like 5 years ago and figured why not edit and update it and tbh this is what became of it. there’s a part two that’s half written, so if it’s wanted i can totally finish it. otherwise, sorry if my writing is horrendous :-)

Some dead guy once said ‘You can’t go home again’ but the dude was full of complete shit. You can, but a lot of the smart people who don’t, decide not to because of the many lists of reasons they hold.

Josh Anderson considered himself to be one of those people. After he graduated secondary school and went off into the OHL, he swore up and down that he would never return to his self-deemed, small hometown. And the moment he made it into the NHL two years later, he kept that promise. Though when his parents asked to see him, he couldn't turn them down. It's the least he could do for all that they had done for him throughout his life. Without them and their sacrifices, he knows that he wouldn't be living his childhood dream. So he'd go to visit them, but not too often it seemed.

He wanted to embrace the life the NHL could give him. Explore the ever-winding paths out in front of him and mingle amongst the interesting people along the way. Wander down those paths for so long, that Burlington would look like nothing more than a speck in his back windshield. Yet, there he was driving down the same never-ending road leading to the old hangout he and a few of his buddies had declared as theirs during the middle of grade 9. If it were up to him though, he wouldn't be driving down this potholed road and he sure wouldn't as hell be back here in Burlington.

It's not like he's here voluntarily. It seemed as if his phone wasn't capable of being silent as the calls from his childhood buddies came in all at once. Each rambling on and on about the same fancy invitation with their class crest and school colors splashed over the front, informing then that it's been 10 years since their graduation and that it was time to "re-kindle those lost valuable friendships with some of your fellow peers and have a grand ole time at the class of 2012's class reunion." No shit, those are the exact cheesy words written by the old class president who had the unflattering privilege of being called 'Kiss-ass McGhee.'

He had NO intentions of attending this class reunion with a bunch of people he grew up with his entire life and came to hate about 60% of them throughout his years of primary and secondary school, but his best friends sure were some persuasive assholes. Secondary school wasn't really the best time of his life. Besides having an intense focus on hockey, all the underlying partying and stupid shit he did on the sidelines from grades 9 through 11, there were a few speculations whether or not he'd graduate, let alone make a name for himself. But with the help of some pretty good people, his partying cutback, his hockey stats severely improved along with his grades and he ended up graduating at the top of his class. That doesn't matter though– it hasn't mattered in 10 years. All that matters is that he doesn't find being in a room with a bunch of people in 10 years, with a good majority of them probably deciding to stay in this misery of a place while he made a new life and a name for himself across country lines and in a state nearly 400 miles away...a "grand ole time".

Sorry Kiss-Ass McGhee, but he's having no part of it

He parked his new range rover up into a parking spot right in front of the diner and got out. The warm rays from the sun hitting his face only made him want to jump right back into the AC and drive away. It was really only a 6-hour car ride back to Columbus and while 12 hours in a day wasn't exactly appealing...it was a whole lot better than what his night seemed to have planned ahead of him. Instead, he closed the door and locked it behind him, walking to the door of the diner and inside. It smelled and looked exactly as he had remembered it did back when he was here for the last time, exactly 10 years ago the night before he turned his back on this town and never looked back.

"Ho-ly Shit, well would you look at that boys. He did show up." Josh turned towards a corner booth and smiled, seeing the aged faces of his best friends. "You owe me 30 bucks, Nick." His best friend and the guy he practically considered to be his brother, Dillon said, walking over to him with open arms.

"Hey, Dillhole," he laughed, wrapping his arms tight around him.

"It's good to see you, Josh." He pulled away and motioned over towards the booth they had reserved.

He slid in on one side and Dillon slid in on the opposite side. It was crazy, seeing all five of them together again; Nick, Dillon, Archer, Colt and himself. They were the boys that caused the entire ruckus in this town, both on and off the ice. And while they weren't all the hometown heroes, they were pretty much the light of the town. "This is fucking crazy," Josh said, shaking his head.

"Watch that mouth young man," a familiar voice nagged.

He snapped his head up and instantly smiled. "Mrs. O'Donnell!" He got up and hugged her, only to pull away and place his hands on her shoulders. "How are you?"

"Oh, I'm just fine," She smiled, letting out a sigh as he sat back down in the booth, and she began collecting the menus off of the table. "It's just been a long time since I've seen you boys all together in this booth. I was starting to think I was going a little crazy there. Is it the usual five double cheeseburgers and two baskets of chili fries with five chocolate malt shakes?"

"Mrs. O'Donnell, how do you remember that after all these years?" Archer laughed, his eyes wide in shock.

"You boys have been ordering the same thing since you were 7-years-old," She just sighed and added a light chuckle. "Plus, it's pretty noticeable when I no longer have to order ahead 3-times the number of patties every shipment. I'll be back soon boys."

"Does Mr. O'Donnell still work the grill? He made the best burgers," Colt said, folding his napkin repeatedly.

"I believe so," Archer replied, his eyes squinting as he looked towards the back of the diner. "I think their oldest is taking over the business soon, though. Mr. and the Mrs. want to travel around the country in that old RV they got."

Archer was the only one out of the five of them who stayed behind in Burlington. Dillon had moved somewhere over in Vancouver, Nick over in Buffalo, New York, Colt down somewhere in Florida, and Josh was more than content in his quaint house he'd bought down in Columbus, a little over 15 minutes away from the Arena.

"So how have you guys been? How is everything?" Dillon asked, his eyes meeting everyone who was sitting at the booth.

They all kept in contact, sure, but they didn't talk all the time. There was a group chat of course, but the probability of them all being active in it at the same time was incredibly rare. It's been hard seeing as how busy they all got as they went their separate paths whether that be to the next level of hockey, college or even straight to a 9 to 5 job. They still made it work as best as they could, seeing as the last time they were all together was Colt's wedding in December.

"You guys remember that girl I met during that grad trip in grade 12?" Nick asked, as Mrs. O'Donnell came by and dropped off each of their milkshakes.

"The blonde one with the big–" Dillon looked over at Mrs. O'Donnell who was sending him her classic 'don't you dare say what you're going to say' looks. "Uh, personality?" He smiled as Mrs. O'Donnell turned away, but motioned at his chest as if he were cupping a pair of impressive sized, invisible boobs. Which soon followed by a smack in the back of the head with a napkin by Mrs. O'Donnell, sending the table of men into a fit of laughter.

"Yeah, Shelly!" Nick nodded, leaning back into his seat. "Well, a few years after that, I ran into her on campus and we started dating and well...I just proposed to her a few days ago."

"What?!" Josh smiled, taking a sip of his malt shake as he tried to hide his surprise. "That's awesome man, congratulations."

Nick smiled and accepted the pats on the shoulders and congratulations the rest of the guys had given him. "What about you guys? Any ladies in your lives?"

"I'm dating this girl who was in one of my classes back in college. We didn't know of each other, but we started dating at the academy and now we work at the same station but–" Archer looked around and leaned over the table. "You guys know how fast news spreads around here, so that's why I'm whispering. Her name is Julianne and I'm actually proposing to her next week."

Josh almost choked on the swig of malt shake that made it way down his throat as his eyes widened. That's three of five who were either married and or engaged, and there he was still incredibly single. Another round of congratulations went around the table and eyes landed on Dillon as they waited for a life update. Josh knew Dillon better than anybody, so he definitely knew that the slight twitch in his right eye meant he was hiding something.

"Let me guess," he snorted, taking another sip of his shake. "You're getting married too?" A deep read started to spread across his face as he looked into his malt shake. "DUDE!" Josh yelled, crumpling up a napkin and firing it at Dillon's head.

"It just happened two days ago man," Dillon said, holding his hands up in defense. "I'm still letting it all sink in.”

“Who?”

Josh had to admit he was curious himself. While they didn’t talk every second of every day, he thought that he’d at least be up to date in huge events such as engagements, in Dillon’s life. “Yeah Dillhole, who?”

He rubbed the back of his neck and smiled. “Uh…Amy Hough.”

For the second time that day, the group of men erupted into a bunch of hollers that sounded like a pack of wild dogs. They couldn't help it though for one reason, and one reason only. Amy Hough had been Dillon's girlfriend since well...forever. From grade 1 all the way to grade 12, it was as if those two were made for each other. Everyone thought they were going to follow each other to college, get married after graduation and become that cliché couple you see on lifetime romance movies. But they called it quits the day before the big grade 12 grad trip and went their separate ways.

“Guys! Guys shut up!” He laughed, begging the group to quiet down as the red from his face began to travel down his neck. As soon as they did, he smiled again. “After we got the invitations to the reunion she uh, called me and asked if we could get together the next time I was in town, which happened to be that weekend and…we just kind of picked back up where we started.”

“We got those invitations eight months ago and you’re just now telling us, bro?” Archer asked, throwing his napkin at him.

“Sorry sorry!” He said as he did his best to dodge the napkins. “What about Josh?!”

Everyone turned their eyes to Josh. “Yeah Josh, what about you? You got a lady in your life?” Colt asked.

“Yeah, as much as a big shot you are down in Columbus, you’ve got to have at least a few ladies lusting after you,” Nick laughed, wiggling his eyebrows. “Maybe multiple at a time, eh?”

Josh could feel the heat begin to rise in his cheeks and he silently prayed for it to go away. Sure, he had women lusting after him, as Nick had put it. Tons, in fact. But that came with the territory of being a professional athlete. He could barely enjoy the clubs with his teammates without the women around him doing whatever they could to catch his eye. Was it flattering? Sure. Did he cave into it? Of course, he did, especially when he was in his earlier to mid-twenties. He was a guy, after all. But lately, the hookups seemed to slow down, even if the selection of women at his beck and call only seemed to rise. Sleeping around or even having a regular hook-up in whatever city they’d be playing in just didn’t seem appealing anymore.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and shook his head. “Actually no, I don’t. I haven’t really thought about dating, to be honest.” He pursed his lips and brought his straw to his mouth as he met their shocked gazes.

“What?” Archer asked.

“You’re shitting us right?” Colt added, looking just as surprised as the rest of them. “I mean, not even the occasional club hookup? Nothing?”

Josh just shrugged his shoulders and swallowed his sip of shake. “Just busy I guess. Haven’t really thought of dating much…doesn’t really feel right.” Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Dillon seemingly glaring at him as he struck the thinker pose. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Oh nothing, I’m fine. It’s just that I think the lack of hookups and the reason that you’re not dating anyone right now is that deep down you’re still stuck up on Y/N.”

Josh could feel the heat start to rise again and this time, he couldn’t hold it back. But he did his damnedest to withhold any sign of emotion from them as best as he could. Hearing your name spoken by anyone but his inner voice for the first time in nine years hurt more than he could describe. “What? Pft, no I’m not.”

“She’s here in town you know…” Archer said, looking at him. “Just saw her leaving her parents place the other day.”

You and Archer were neighbors, but not until grade 6. Up until then, Josh had the utmost privilege of being your neighbor and best friend. Then the whole moving and ‘who you hang out with could affect you for the rest of your life’ junior high bullshit happened and he didn’t see you again until grade 9. Josh still hated himself for the way he ignored you all those years based on the fact that you weren’t really the most popular girl in junior high and he knew that he was an ass for it.

End of story.

“O-Oh….she is?” Josh asked, looking away from his friends.

“Which means she’s going to be at the reunion tonight…” Dillon added, looking at him. “Are you going to say hi?”

The last moment that Josh had with you started playing in front of him like a black and white movie that was moving way too fast for him to really capture the details. He had spent the last 10 years pushing back everything that he knew about you in the back of his mind. He didn’t want it coming back, ever. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I?”

Fuck, he knew that was a lie. He should have just kept his mouth shut.

“I bet you $15 you chicken out and run away like a little girl.” Dillon smiled, leaning over and extending his hand towards him.

Josh looked Dillon in the eyes and knew that Dillon was reading him like a God damn book right now. He knew exactly how Josh felt towards you, and yet Josh couldn’t bring himself to say no. He shook his hand and held his stare. “Deal.”

“Here you are, boys. Five double cheeseburgers and two chili fries. I’ll be back by later to check up on you.” Mrs. O’Donnell turned to walk away but turned back around. “And now that you’re grown men, I expect less of a mess from ya.”

They all laughed and focused back on their food as the conversations drifted from their love lives and more into sports and recent stuff on the news. But as Josh took that first bite into his burger, he looked to his left and stared at a familiar old, empty red single booth. Only back then, it wasn’t always empty. It always had someone sitting in it.

You and him.

“Alright fellas, I guess it’s about time we head out towards the good ole reunion,” Archer said as he grabbed the bill before any of them could reach it. He took out a bunch of bills and put them inside of the check, closing it.

“Can you believe Kiss-Ass McGhee wrote that? How fucking cheesy can you get?” Dillon laughed, scooting out of the booth.

The men said their goodbyes to Mr. and Mrs. O’Donnell and left the diner, standing around a bit before they stood by their separate cars. “Where’s this thing at again?” Josh asked, digging his car keys out of his jean pocket. “Please don’t say it’s in the gym.”

“Yeah, tell me McGhee didn’t go all ancient times and at least got us a sweet hotel,” Colt added.

“Sorry fellas, but it’s in the gym.” Archer laughed, opening his car door. “You guys still know the way to the school?”

“You mean the hell hole?” Dillon asked, getting into his car and leaning out the window. “Yeah, I think I’m familiar with the route.”

Josh shook his head and laughed as he watched his friends get into their cars. “Alright, meet you guys there!” Archer called out, starting his car and backing out of his parking spot before turning out of the lot and left to go further into town.

Josh got into his car and started it, watching his friends each leave the parking lot before him. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, feeling his grip on his steering wheel get a bit tighter as he sucked in another deep breath.

He can do this. It won’t be that bad, maybe you won’t even remember him. Maybe you wouldn’t even say hi, yeah, yeah that sounds plausible. He’s totally got this.

He let out the breath he was holding and opened his eyes, putting his car into reverse and backing out of his spot before turning left onto the road and followed it into town. Tonight was going to be a total shit show and no matter how many motivational talks he gave himself, there was no way of preventing it. The closer he got to the high school, the more nauseous he became. It’s been 10 years since he’s seen you and the possibility of seeing you now drove him absolutely, fucking crazy. Tons and thousands of possibilities and worst-case scenarios filled his brain.

Would you recognize him? Would he recognize you? Would things be the same when you see each other? Will all of those memories that he spent 10 years pushing away come back up and replay the entire night? Would his feelings come back? Would yours?

A sudden knock on his window brought him out of his thoughts. He looked to his left to see Dillon standing there. “Come on dude!” He wasn’t even aware that he had parked his car…or that he had even arrived at the high school.

He took another deep breath and turned off the ignition, unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. “Sorry, I was just…thinking.”

“About Y/N?”

He nodded slowly. “I just–“ He locked his car and dug his hands into his pockets as far as they could go. “It’s been 10 years since I’ve seen or talked to her Dill. We haven’t kept in contact or even bothered to keep in contact. Plus, I’ve pretty sure that one we see each other, she’ll probably run in the opposite direction.”

Dillon shrugged his shoulders and looked at him. “You don’t know that bro. Maybe what happened to Amy and me, will happen to you and Y/N.”

“I highly doubt that Dill.” He replied, walking into the school gym with him and coming to a stop at a table with the rest of the boys, searching for their nametags and putting them on their shirts. “You must have forgotten just how badly things ended with us. I don’t think they’ll just pick right back up and she’ll act like none of it ever happened.”

“Hey, you never know Josh! It’s been 10 years and during those 10 years, both of you grew up and matured. You’re both 28 for God sakes. I’m sure you’re not going to let the way you handled things when you were 18, get in the way of how you deal with things at 28.” He walked into the gym, leading the way as Josh followed behind him. “Besides, maybe she wants to reconnect and maybe, just maybe you two will hit it off again.”

“Hey, you two.” A voice said, causing the two of them to turn around. The girl walked over to Dillon and kissed him before looking at Josh. “Josh Anderson, is that you?” She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. “It’s been years! How have you been? How’s the NHL? Everything you ever dreamed of?”

“Everything and more,” Josh laughed, pulling away with a smile on his face. “It’s nice to see you too Amy and congratulations on the engagement! You better keep this boy in line.”

Amy looped her arm through Dillon’s and looked up at him. “Oh I will, you can count on that.” She looked at Josh and the expression on her face resembled that of shock as if she had just realized something and hadn��t told him. “Have you two talked to Y/N yet?”

“We just got here. She’s here already?” Dillon asked, looking around the crowd.

“Yeah! Here hold on, I’ll go get her!” She smiled, winking at Josh before turning away and disappearing into the crowd of classmates.

“Amy wait!” Josh called out, realizing that he was about five steps too late before she was out of his vision. He looked around to see if he could spot her anywhere, but he was shit out of luck.

Dillon put his hand on his shoulder. “Remember…$15.” Josh just groaned, earning an honest laugh from Dillon. “You’ve got this man, remember…anything can happen.”

As he looked up from his feet, Josh could see Amy begin to make her way back through the crowd, looking behind her. He turned quickly, facing Dillon with a look of panic on his face. “I can’t do this man. I shouldn’t have let you guys talk me into coming to this stupid thing. This was a huge mistake coming here.” He could feel his heart start to race and his palms get clammy.

The last time he had ever been this nervous was during playoff runs and game 7 of the year they won the Stanley Cup. Well, all of those times and the times he’d ever been around you. Nerves and adrenaline during hockey games were one thing, but the nerves he’d get around you were those same ones, escalated a million times over again. But it’s been so long since he had to deal with that level of nerves, so as far as he was concerned, he was so far out of his league.

One thing was for sure; he had to get the hell out of here.

“Josh man, come on don’t leave.”

“You’re leaving already?” A voice said, stopping Josh in his tracks, as well as making his heart skip a beat. He turned back around and as soon as his eyes met yours, his mouth went dry and it was as if every English word he’d ever learned– had disappeared and he couldn’t speak. After a few moments of a failed response, you tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear and smiled. “Hi, Josh.”

“H-Hey Y/N.”

#omg i hope this is good #im a little nervous tbh #josh anderson #josh anderson imagine #nhl imagines #nhl imagine #columbus blue jackets #columbus blue jackets imagine #nhl oneshots #nhl writing #hockey imagines #hockey oneshots #hockey writing #josh anderson oneshot #columbus blue jackets oneshot #my writing

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allie1804-fan · 5 years ago

Text

Connecticut (Chapter 13)

Warnings Smut

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Photo shoots and interviews filled the beginning of Keanu’s week and then he got the call to say some re-shoots were necessary on “The day the Earth Stood Still” back in Vancouver. He would have to leave the following week for 2 weeks. He called Grace and asked if they might be able to spend some of the weekend alone together if Faith would look after Hannah again. Everything was agreed and Grace arrived at his place late on Saturday afternoon.

Grace dropped her overnight bag to the floor and stepped into his arms.

“Man are you a sight for sore eyes, I’ve missed you!” he said

“I missed you too – I thought I’d see more not less of you once we were back in LA”

“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just been a bit of a crazy week for me”

Truth was, he had had enough free time to see her on a couple of nights but he’d needed time to clear his head after her revelations. He was calmer now and seeing her again reminded him how much he really did love her.

“Come ‘ere. Let me show you how much I missed you” He took her hand and led her to his bedroom.

They started to kiss and were soon aroused and tearing at each other’s clothes. Keanu lifted Grace off the floor and she wrapped her legs around his hips as he pressed her forcefully against the wall grinding his cock against her jeans.

“I can’t wait any more” he groaned and pulled away to rid himself of his clothes. She did the same and he pushed her down on the bed.

“Later, we’ll go slow, OK? I just have to have you now!”

He straddled her and started to play with her breasts, teasing them till her nipples stood erect and Grace was writhing underneath him, pleading him to enter her with her eyes.

He sank into her slowly, groaning loudly then staying completely still, breathing in and out through his nose once he was all the way in.

“You OK?”

“Yeah! Just pacing myself – you reduce my staying power to that of a 15 year old boy you know that?”

He started to move then, all the while murmuring to Grace about how hot and wet and tight she felt to him.

Gradually what had begun as a desire to just fuck her turned into making love as he alternated his pace and the depth of his strokes and the force of his kisses. Grace’s cries were already beginning their tell tale rise in pitch as she clawed at his back pulling him to her. As they rode towards their release, he looked down into her beautiful face and wondered briefly if he’d ever know the joy of making love to her with the chance of making a baby.

The thought was obliterated as the white flash of orgasm took over his brain and hers and they fell into each other’s arms panting.

“Wow! that was intense”

“Mmmm” she replied drowsily, stroking his face, “I love you so much.”

“I love you too!” he murmured back, kissing her neck.

They dosed for a while then got up and decided on ordering in some Thai food for dinner rather than going out. After their meal they sat by the lap pool holding hands and dangling their feet in the water looking out at the lights of the city below.

“So have you had a chance to think any more …….. about us ever having a baby together?”

“God, Keanu, I’ve thought about little else this week if I’m honest with you.”

“And?”

“And …….. I still don’t know if it’s the right thing for us to do. I mean when I think about our chances, I can see all these different scenarios. Only one ends happily and all the rest………….. she broke off looking into his eyes pleading with him to understand.

“They end with more dead babies or both of us at each other’s throats because I can’t conceive. It’s such a huge thing. I don’t know if I can take the pressure… to make your dream come true”

“Would it have to be just my dream, wouldn’t you want my child too as much as I want yours?” he said clearly hurt.

“God I’m sorry, I didn’t mean in that way it’s just I’ve been through all this before. I would love to have a child with you, I’m just trying to weigh it all up rationally as well. The stress of trying for a baby can be huge Keanu you know?”

“But we’d be in it together, supporting each other. And the cold hard fact is, you fell for Hannah without really trying”

“I know, but there are no guarantees that could happen again, it could get rough you know. And what if you’re away filming when it’s time – what are you going to do, fly home for each ovulation?”

“You’re making trouble for us where there doesn’t have to be”

“No, you’re just not listening. It’s like this mother fucking rollercoaster that you get on and then you realise it’s driving you crazy but somehow you can’t get off.”

Keanu could see Grace was working herself up into a frenzy now. He chose not to argue back any more.

“And it’s not just me you’re asking to go through this. You have to ask yourself if you want to take that chance of losing another precious child. I don’t want to be the one that does that to you. And what about Hannah, she’d be sucked into all this too however hard we try to protect her. I have to think about her welfare Keanu. She’s a real child with feelings not just the dream of a child”

Her words sliced through him.

“And that’s what you’re asking me to give up Grace, the dream of my own child” he said, eyes filled with tears at the course their conversation had taken.

He sighed and stood up.

“Let’s just drop it, you’re upset. I… I’m going to go to bed”

Grace put her head in her hands and wept. Keanu walked back into the house leaving her alone on the terrace.

Keanu lay on his bed, reeling still from how the conversation had turned so sour. He squeezed his eyes trying and failing to stop the tears. He knew Grace was scared but he didn’t understand why she seemed to have so little faith in the chance of a good outcome. And why had she made that last comment about Hannah being a real child. Was she trying to push him away?

Two hours ago he’d been in love. Sure of himself and her. Now he was confused and wondering at the choice he felt she was asking him to make - a choice between her and his dream of fatherhood.

Back outside, Grace, was exhausted from crying, though finally dry eyed. She barely knew where all the angst that that had poured out of her came from. It has been so long since she’d been actually lived through it that the emotions had been buried deep within for a long time. If he knew what it was like, she thought bitterly, he wouldn’t ask her to do it again. Maybe he should just move on to a younger model, someone who wasn’t damaged goods like her. She made her decision. There was nothing left to say right now. She went to the hall, picked up her bag, let herself out and drove home.

Keanu heard her go. He almost chased after her but thought better of it. They should cool off. Maybe his trip to Vancouver was the breathing space they needed.

Keanu almost left town without contacting Grace at all, not really knowing what to say, or what he wanted to achieve by saying anything. After all, she knew where he was going and for how long. In the end though his good manners won out and he wrote her a note. A real letter was better, he figured than e mails or sms messages. He kept it short and he was honest when he said he was sorry she was upset. He didn’t mention his own hurt feelings though they would be clear to anyone reading it by the absence of any affectionate sign off.

Grace

I don’t really know what to say about last night. I’m just sorry you were so upset. I’ll be out of town for a couple of weeks at least. Maybe some distance will help us both clear our heads. I’ll call when I get back.

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#romance #anguish #miscarriage #stillbirth #grief #anger #friends to lovers #fluff #keanu #keanu reeves fanfic #keanu reeves fanfiction #keanu reeves #keanu ofc #smut

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coffee-obsessed-writer · 6 years ago

Text

When You Least Expect It, Part Seven

Jensen x Musician!Reader; Nathan (OMC); Mama Mia (OFC)

Also featured this chapter: Rob Benedict, Briana Buckmaster, Jason Manns

A/N: This is a slow burn fic that I have been working on for a while. Its a story I wrote for myself and just wanted to share with everyone. Yes, the “Dee” in the story is who you think, but there is no intended hate on her or their actual marriage. It is a work of fiction, that is all. Part seven is from BOTH POVs. There is also a playlist to go along with the series.

Series Playlist: “When You Least Expect It” (Spotify). Songs in this chapter include: “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around”; “What About Love”, “The Joker”; “Whipping Post”

Beta’d by @closetspngirl who has contributed so much to this fic! Thank you for not only indulging my lunacy but encouraging it with gusto! She also put together the amazing wardrobe shown in this chapter, as well. I don’t know what I would do without you!!!

Chapter Summary: Realizing that its time to leave NJ again to get back to work on the festival and have a much-needed conversation with Jensen, Y/N meets up with everyone at ChiCon. This gives finally gives her a moment with Jensen and an added bonus of playing with Louden Swain, featuring Briana Buckmaster, on stage for a crowded ballroom; something that affects Jensen more than he was expecting it too.

Chapter Warnings: Ehhh... nothing really.

WC: 9.5K

*Banner created by me; pics & gifs found online

It had been one month since Y/N left Austin and came back to New Jersey. One month of awkward texts with Jensen related only to work, daily calls or texts from Briana and at least one Skype or FaceTime call from Robbie every few days. When it came to the amount of work and scouting to be done for the festival, the little man was a bundle of nerves and Y/N was the only one who seemed to be able to talk him down.

February came, and that’s when the first real pangs of doubt began to creep in. The life she had begun in Texas was beginning to fade, and she found herself missing it. Y/N missed the townhouse and living so close to a city like Austin with the diversity in the restaurants, the bars, the bands, the nightlife… and of course, there was Jensen. She missed all of it. Not that life in New Jersey had been boring or lackluster. Y/N had gone back to work for Leo temporarily since she was handling both ends of the transactions now for the Brewfest. Being back in her small office in his hotel, living in the bungalow again felt good, but the longer the cold winds of winter at the shore blew through and chilled her to the bone, the more she really missed Austin.

It wasn’t all work, though. She had a couple of occasions to play at one of the bars that were still open in Seaside during the winter, as well as reconnect with a few friends from the Burlesque group. Y/N had even spent some time with Nathan, though when she did, she made sure to keep her guard up, be wary of any promises he made or plans he tried to get her to agree too. Reminiscing with him was a trap that was easier to fall into than she thought it would be, and after the third time they met for coffee, she invited him to go have dinner. Once or twice a week in the time she was home, she would run into him in town, or make plans to hang out. Y/N always tried to keep it in a public place, and never let him get too close. She was doing her best to follow Bri’s advice and figure out what it was she wanted from, not just Nathan, but life itself.

In between all of that, was Jensen. Y/N thought of him every day, and on more than one occasion picked up the phone to actually call him. However, knowing that he was traveling from Vancouver to conventions and back for the foreseeable future, she decided against it. After the way they left things, she thought maybe a random phone call wouldn’t be the best move and wanted to wait until she could see him face to face. When that would be, she didn’t know, but by the time Groundhog Day had rolled around, she felt ready to make it happen soon.

The morning she woke up with the intention to make arrangements to fly back, a winter storm warning had gone into effect, ultimately grounding all flights in or out of the area. Y/N knew the drill and began to run the errands necessary to hunker down for the long haul, getting supplies for two to three days at least. By the time she reached the bungalow and filled the small pellet stove in the corner of the room, the snow had started falling.

As a kid, seeing the beach turn from the beige sand, to white snow had always been sort of magical. Watching the waves crash and spray the icy mist into the swirling flakes made her feel like she was experiencing something majestic, and it always left her feeling a little whimsical and reflective. That’s what she was doing when she heard the knock at the door several hours later, just as the storm was hitting its peak.

Pulling the crocheted blanket around her shoulders, Y/N went to the front door and opened it enough to see who it was.

“Nathan?” she asked, then opened it further and with it came a burst of cold, snowy air. “Come in before the snow does.” She ushered him in and closed the door quickly. “What are you doing here?”

He removed his scarf and hat, shaking off the snow that littered his shoulders and boots. “I came by to make sure you were alright. Didn’t know if you realized that cell service is sketchy, wanted to be sure you had everything you needed.”

“Yeah, I saw the winter storm advisory last night, made sure to hit the market this morning. Don’t tell me you walked all the way here from Seaside Park. That’s a few miles at least.”

“No, I have my dad’s truck,” he said then paused before unzipping his coat. Y/N could see in his eyes he came not just to check up on her, but because he wanted to stay a while.

“I’m fine, Nathan. Just watching the snow, reading and staying warm. I have everything I need.”

“Ok,” he said and half turned back to the door, then faced her again. He wore that crooked grin that she used to love so much. “Well then, maybe you need some company?”

“Sure. But I am going to tell you now, you can’t stay the night. You have to leave before the sun goes down.”

“Of course, Y/N. I just thought we could hang out for a bit.”

“Want some tea?”

“No,” he laughed. “I hate that stuff. I’ll take a soda if you got any, though.”

“Sorry, fresh out,” she said, but there’s water or juice in the fridge.

“Sweet,” he replied as he shrugged off his coat and hung it on the rack, then removed his boots before heading to the refrigerator and helping himself.

Y/N strolled back to the couch and reclaimed her place near the window that overlooked the ocean. She brought her knees up into her chest and watched Nathan as he moved about the kitchen and the living room just as naturally as he did in the old days. When he finally sat, he took the spot on the opposite end of the same couch she was on and rested his arm along the back of it.

Whenever Y/N and Nathan saw each other while she was visiting this time around, things were always awkward in the beginning. It didn’t matter if it was just for coffee, or on the few occasions that she actually let him take her to dinner. It was almost as if neither of them knew what to do with the situation or what to say to one another. But given enough time, they would end up finding a comfortable conversation.

Some of the time she’d watch him as he talked and recognize the man she used to love; same high cheekbones, same crooked smile, and sandy brown hair. Only now, his hair was short instead of the shoulder length it was when they were younger. His sky blue eyes were still able to lock her in and make her wonder how it had all gone so wrong between them. He had been the love of her life, her prince charming, the man who was going to save her from the kind of life that you grew up promising yourself you’d never live. But it had all gone so, so wrong.

She considered asking him, potentially broaching a long overdue conversation that they needed to have; especially if there was any possibility of a future. Yet, she couldn’t bring herself to start. She tried to hide the smile that wanted to come when she wondered what Bri would say about that, but it quickly faded when she realized how much she missed Bri, too. That would make her thoughts circle back around to Austin, again, and how much she longed to go back.

“Hey, haven’t seen these in a long time,” he said and leaned forward, and plucked one of the photo albums from underneath the coffee table.

“Oh, yeah…” she replied and craned her neck over to see which one he picked up. They had been there since she showed Jensen the pictures from Grease, which now felt like a million years ago.

“Holy shit, high school pictures,” he laughed and started flipping through the album.

Over the course of the next hour, Y/N sat a foot or two away, yet enjoyed talking about old times with him. It felt good to laugh with Nathan again; it felt good to have her friend back. She didn’t notice that he was inching closer and closer until suddenly the arm that had been draped around the back of the couch was now brushing against her shoulder.

Nathan continued shaking memories loose; he brought up their junior prom, and how they had spent the night on the beach under the Tiki bar, getting drunk and screwing around until dawn before falling asleep together wrapped up in a blanket. She was smiling at the recollection, enjoying the feeling it brought back into her life when she felt his fingers toying with a tuft of her hair.

“I’ve really missed this,” he said softly. “A lot. I’m glad you’ve let me back in and gave me a chance to make it up to you.”

“Nathan, I… I don’t know--”

He inched closer, and what he did next surprised her. Before she could react, Nathan was brushing his lips against hers. Her eyes stayed open, but his drifted closed. It only lasted for a moment, but in that time Y/N realized that she knew everything she needed to know. She didn’t push him away, even though something inside of her told her too. Y/N kissed him back, but timidly, and without passion. His lips parted against hers, making it clear that he wanted it to escalate, but after a moment, Y/N broke away.

She retreated from him and brought her fingers up, pressing them gently to her lips. “Nathan... “

“Don’t, ok? Don’t say it was a mistake. Just, promise me that you won’t shut down on me. If I was being pushy--”

“It’s not that,” Y/N said and swallowed hard. “I care about your recovery, Nate. Seeing how well you’re doing has even allowed me to start forgiving you. But in the spirit of honesty, you should know that I’m not ready to be with you again. I don’t know if I ever will be. That doesn’t mean there is someone else. It means that I am going back to Austin, and I am focusing on work and don’t want anything sort of romantic entanglements.”

“Oh,” he sighed, clearly disappointed. “That doesn’t mean we have to say goodbye though, right? Can I still call you? Keep in touch?”

“Sure,” she said, and genuinely meant it. “As long as you understand, that, for now, I just want to be your friend.”

She watched him process this and had a second where she didn’t know how he would react. He wasn’t the same Nate she knew most of her life, and yet he wasn’t the last version she knew, either. Nathan was turning into a product of both of those men, and she was still learning his mannerisms and couldn’t always tell what he was going to do.

Nathan made it clear he wanted her back, and this rejection could be dangerous if he wasn’t as far into his recovery as he had said. But once his shoulders relaxed, and he picked his head up to meet her gaze, he smiled more like the Nate of long ago.

“Of course, Y/N. I get it. I’m going to keep showing you that you can trust me again though.”

“You just keep doing what’s best for you, Nate. That’s what would make me the happiest.”

Y/N’s cell began ringing in the with the familiar tone of Robbie’s FaceTime calls. She hesitated to answer it, but also didn’t want to miss out on a chance to talk to him knowing there were some meetings coming up they needed to prep for.

“Excuse me,” she said to Nathan and got up from the couch, pulling the cell out of her pocket as she did.

Y/N moved through the room and stood at the precipice of the hallway as she answered the call.

“Hey Robbie, what’s shakin’?” she answered in greeting.

“Thank God you picked up. When are you coming back, lady? I need you in Austin. I won’t be able to get back to there for another week or so. Any chance you’re heading back soon?”

“I’m working on it Robert,” she replied with a sigh. “The damned snow, however, has other plans.”

“Soon-ish, then?”

“Yes, my darling. Soonish. Honestly, as soon as the airports open up, I’m getting a ticket and will be on my way.”

“Did he tell you that the TCAC meeting was pushed back to the end of February?” Robbie asked into the camera, and the concern she saw on his face made her feel guilty.

“No,” she answered softly.

Her disappointment was not lost on Robbie. He hesitated, not wanting to make her feel worse, though he knew Jensen had been avoiding her. He didn’t have all the details about what happened between them but knew enough to know something had. “He’s been crazy busy, you know. Traveling like a lunatic. I’m sure he just forgot.”

“I’m sure,” she agreed and immediately wanted to change the subject. “So, the grant proposals? Any word?”

“Yes! Actually,” Robbie paused, relieved that she was the one to shift gears and shuffled through some papers that were off screen. He held up two and smiled victoriously. “We got two approvals! One from the Austin Creative Alliance and another just came through yesterday from one of the Federal ones. Buuuttt… can’t seem too…” he drifted off to the side, leaning out of the camera frame again.

Y/N chuckled. “Rob, it’s fine, come on back.”

She shifted away from the wall by the hallway and wandered into the kitchen to put the tea kettle back on the stove. As she did, Rob came back into view and noticed Nathan in the background of her call.

“Oh, hey, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you had company. I won’t keep ya while I look for it.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah… that’s ok. My friend Nate dropped by to be sure I was stocked up for the storm. He’s leaving soon, so if you need to go over more stuff later, I’ll be here.”

“Oh great. The band and I are going in to talk to a guy about some stuff coming up, so maybe I will give you a call later. This way you can be totally caught up before heading back to Austin. Which reminds me… did you make your travel arrangements yet for Boston or San Diego?”

“Yes. I am heading to Boston, San Diego and Seattle starting end of February through March. Couple days in each to secure all the contracts with the vendors. Oh, New Orleans, too.”

“Perfect. That means you’ll be back and able to head to Chicago with us, right? Same weekend as ChiCon? Thought we could meet up there and go check out a few bands.”

“Works for me,” Y/N said, and then realized that there would be no avoiding Jensen that weekend.

“Fantastic, you’re a gem, you know that?”

“Flattery will get you everywhere Robert.”

“Love it when you call me Robert,” he teased. “Ok, they’re yelling for me. I’ll talk to you later!”

“Bye,” she chuckled and ended the video call. She returned the phone to her pocket and continued to fix herself a cup of tea.

“So, work friend?” Nathan asked, getting up from the couch and heading into the kitchen now that her call was through.

“Yes.”

“Nice guy?”

“Yes, he is.”

Nathan nodded, leaned back against the counter and noticed she had only one cup out. “If you wanted me to go, you could just say so. I mean, you told him I was leaving soon. One cup out…”

Y/N sighed softly and tried to not turn the visit sour. “I thought you hated tea? Besides, it’s getting late. As well as things have been between us, I am not ready for you to stay here. With the weather being what it is, you probably should head back to your mom’s. I’m sure she could use your help with your dad being laid up with his foot in a cast. Can’t be easy for her to manage this weather on her own.”

He nodded, though she could see him straining to keep his mouth shut.

“I’m not trying to shut you out, Nathan. I genuinely have enjoyed hanging out with you again. You know, after all that shit happened--with the fight, and your life spiraling out of control--I never thought you’d be you again. Or that I would even be able to stand to be in the same room as you. But, here we are. Can’t that be enough for now?”

Nathan’s shoulders relaxed. “Don’t have much of a choice, do I?”

“Not if you want this to continue.” She was blunt, but she needed to be. Y/N didn’t want to take any chances where Nathan was concerned.

“Alright,” he finally replied and pushed off the counter. He went to take his coat off the hook and as he laced his arms through the sleeves, turned to face her again. “I’m grateful you’re giving me another chance, Y/N. I am. So, you call the shots, ok? I know you’re busy, but maybe once your traveling calms down, I can even come to visit you in Austin. Never been to Texas before.”

The idea of him in Austin felt strange. There was a sudden fear that if the two different parts of her life came together like that it would blow up her entire world in some glorious fashion. Trying to neither encourage or discourage the idea of his visit, she simply shrugged, found her most pleasant smile and nodded.

Nathan moved across the kitchen and took her in an embrace before she had the chance to say no. It was a familiar feeling; similar to what one experience when finding an old winter coat they hadn’t worn in years. It may not fit properly anymore, but the quilting of the fabric brought back pleasant memories.

“Call me, ok?” he said before releasing her.

“Sure thing. Take care of yourself, Nate.”

When Nate opened the door to go, the wind whipped through and the day’s fading light allowed him just enough time to get home before going completely dark. When the door latched shut behind him, she felt a mild sense of relief that she was alone again. There were still a lot of things she wanted to have time to mull over before returning to Austin, especially before seeing Jensen again in Chicago. The extended trip home had been good for her, despite the reasons she ended up there. It allowed her time to be sure that Austin and the job were the things she truly loved and wanted in her life.

Even the time she spent with Nate had been helpful in coming to the conclusion that he wasn’t something that had to stand in her way anymore. Her feelings for Jensen were still confusing and muddled, but in her heart, Y/N felt sure that her time as Nate’s girlfriend had come to an end. Though unexpected, the kiss they had shared that night cemented that. She could find room in her heart for him as a friend, but there was no future for them as a couple.

Lost in thoughts, Y/N didn’t move from the counter until the kettle began to whistle behind her. She flipped off the burner, and as she poured the hot water into the cup, she felt determined to settle the Jensen business. With so many of her other uncertainties fading away, she wanted this one too as well. Taking her cell phone back out of her pocket, she went to the contacts in her messaging app and pulled up “Mama”. If anyone could help her sort things out, it would be that tall drink of water.

<<Hey, any chance you’re around once snowmaggedon stops?

It only took about ten seconds for her to respond.

>>I’ve always got time for you, sugar. Whatcha thinkin’?

<<Rehearsal?

>>Cancelled.

<<Damn. Ok, snow should be done by midnight. Coffee at my place in the AM?

>>Be there with bells on.

<<Knowing you, I expect nothing less. Luv u!

>>Back atcha

The following morning dawned bright, with a clear sky and a snowy beach that reflected the colors of sunrise. Mama was knocking on Y/N’s door by quarter past nine, holding a pastry box in one hand and a garment bag in the other.

Y/N opened the door to greet her, and immediately broke out into laughter as she realized that Mama was wearing sleigh bells in her hair.

“You’re a freak,” Y/N laughed and gave the woman a big wet kiss on her cheek. “But you’re my freak.”

“Always and forever,” Mama purred lowly, winking at Y/N as she handed off both the pastry box and bag. “Dear Lord, I have not been here in forever! When was the last time?”

“God… it has to be last spring, maybe. Maybe even Christmas prior.”

“Either way, too long. Though I see you’ve kept the decor fisherman chic. Please, when will you let me redecorate for you?”

“One day, I promise. But for now, I have some things I want to talk to you about.”

Y/N moved around her small kitchen, pouring coffee and unveiling the apple crumb cake Mama brought from Freedman’s Bakery. The smell of apples and cinnamon instantly filled the room and mixed with the aroma of the coffee, Mama began to hum.

“Mmmm MM! It smells good in here. Like a little slice of heaven,” she sighed and pulled out one of the two chairs at the kitchen table. Just as she sat, she gratefully took the hot mug Y/N offered her. “What sort of things do you have on your mind?”

“Well,” Y/N started, then pulled out a seat of her own and began to slice the crumb cake. “I texted you last night because I had something on my mind. However, I couldn’t sleep last night, and I started thinking about work, and had something else entirely to talk to you about.” Y/N was rambling and Mama sensed she was probably already a pot deep into the coffee.

“Honey,” Mama said and covered Y/N’s hands to get them to stop fidgeting with the cake. “Slow down. First things first… what was on your mind last night?”

She hesitated, unsure of how to start. “I didn’t get to tell you because you were in Florida, but I went to a New Year’s party, back in Austin.”

“Ok, sounds fun. Continue,” Mama said and motioned towards her before sipping at her coffee.

“Right. Well, I guess I should start with saying that when I was home for Christmas, Nate showed up here Christmas morning. Then, I went back early so I could go to this party with Jensen. He kissed me at midnight and then I panicked and ran out.”

Mama coughed as she tried to swallow her coffee and then carefully placed the mug back on the table. She grabbed a napkin and wiped at the corners of her mouth like the old southern debutante that she had once been. Once she regained her composure, she sat up straighter and looked Y/N squarely in the eye.

“You best start from the beginning and leave no detail out. Because hearing that you spent an evening with that luscious man is one thing, but also hearing that dickhead’s name in the mix has soured the first bit. Explain yourself, please. What the hell do you mean that Nathan was here on Christmas? Why didn’t you call me?”

“He took me by surprise. He wanted to talk.”

“And you let him in?”

“Yes...” Y/N replied with a sigh, knowing she would get a barrage of crap from Mama for that.

“I’m in shock. After what he did to you!?”

“I know… I just… I don’t know. He wanted to apologize. He’s working the twelve steps--”

“Twelve steps? Ha! Twelve steps…” she muttered. “I didn’t realize you could twelve-step your way out of being a shithead.”

“I know he was terrible then, but for a lot of years he wasn’t and I guess I wanted to know if there was anything good left in him. I saw a glimmer of who he used to be.”

“We need to move on from Nate, cause honey, it just makes my blood boil.”

“Ok, so after he left, I went back to Austin a few days later and went to a party with Jensen. We’ve been getting along great, working together well, and he’s a lot of fun.”

“Yes, he certainly is,” she mused, her expression quickly fading from aggravated to dreamy. “Now I believe you mentioned something about a kiss…”

“He did. WE did… at midnight,” Y/N answered and couldn’t help feeling the twist in her gut that was now associated with that night.

“And?”

“And… it…”

“Y/N?”

She shrugged. “I’ve never felt anything like that. Ever.”

Mama’s face relaxed into a euphoric afterglow. “Please, dear, sweet Lord in Heaven tell me you let that man have his way with you.”

“No!” Y/N laughed and got up from the seat. She was feeling anxious about it all; mostly because she felt so stupid for having run away from him. “It was amazing, and then I got nervous. Someone walked in and it gave me a moment to basically lose my mind and run.”

“You left?!” Mama’s jaw dropped and she quickly stood from the table. “What the--Child, I should whoop your ass. First, you let Nathan in this house, then you run out on that precious Texas boy? It’s like I don’t even know you,” she huffed.

Mama, for a woman of her generous height and weight moved across the kitchen in a heartbeat and lightly smacked the back of Y/N’s head twice.

“One for lettin’ Nathan in, the other for running out on Jensen!”

“Ow,” Y/N whined and rubbed the back of her head. Her brow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Trust me, I wish I knew why I do what I do. One second we were… you know, gettin’ handsy, and the next minute…” she shrugged.

“That son of a bitch Nathan… he was on your mind, wasn’t he?”

“Partially. It was more than that though. I’ve had two relationships in my life, Mama. Two. Nathan, and he who shall not be named.”

“Mmmm, yes. I forgot you had your own Voldemort. But that was what... six months after Nathan left and lasted for less than a month? You can’t count him… especially cause I can’t even remember his name.”

“Whatever, my point is, that both of these relationships were toxic. The last thing I want right now is another go-round with getting my heart broken. I should never have dated after Nathan, so figured I would try a one night stand. It left me so cold and empty. I don’t want that, either. I didn’t want to ruin a good friendship with Jensen, or have it turn toxic.”

“Sug, I get that. But you can’t push your feelings away every time they try and wake you up.”

“Can’t I? I love this job, Mama. I feel like I finally found what I am meant to do. What if we slept together, and it got weird. I wouldn’t be able to work with him. Besides, it’s not even all that happened.”

“What else?” she sighed and rubbed at her temples. “This should have been a Bloody Mary breakfast.”

Y/N ignored her quip. “The next day I told him I wanted to talk. He said he was busy. So I stopped by to drop off some contracts and it turned out he was home. He lied because he didn’t want to talk.”

“That’s why you are back here, instead of living in Austin?”

Y/N nodded and watched with anxiety as Mama seemed to sift through a host of quiet thoughts before deciding how to respond.

“If I didn’t love you as I do... I would smack you again.”

“Why?”

“He lied? So what?! You ran out on him! You know what that’s gonna do to a man’s pride. Hell, anyone’s pride?! Sugar, you… you need to stop lettin’ that heart of yours dictate all your decisions. That man--I spent time with him, ok? I saw how he watched you on that stage. You didn’t. I saw how his face lit up, and that gorgeous grin spread from ear to ear. You mesmerized him.”

Mama took Y/N’s chin between her fingers and lovingly lifted her face so their eyes could meet. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t like that boy.”

“I can’t,” she whispered, almost pathetically. “I do like him. But I’m also very scared of him.”

Mama considered this for a minute and smiled at her friend. “Then, you need to go back to Texas, make amends, and rekindle that friendship you two had been startin’. I think that will be how you stop being so damn scared.”

“I have a flight out tonight,” Y/N said and laughed when Mama raised both fists into the air in celebration.

“That’s my girl!”

“I mean, I won’t see him for a while, but I think you’re right. I owe him an apology. I just hope he can forgive me.”

“I have no doubt that he probably already has. Now, that’s settled… Nat--”

“No. I’ve given him enough thought lately. I’d rather talk about my burst of inspiration that I had last night.”

“Which was?”

“You, the whole troupe… I want you to perform at the festival.”

Mama’s eyes grew large, her plump dimpled cheeks expanding as the smile unfurled across her painted pink lips. “Shut the hell up! Seriously?”

“Yeah. I mean… I am still working out all the logistics, but, we have a few stages to fill and I thought who better than to take on one of the theaters for the Saturday night slot? Whatever you guys wanna do… it’s your call. We have a hotel all reserved for talent, so your accommodations are taken care of. And I am sure I could help you with the travel arrangements. I just need you guys to say yes, and you’re in.”

“Well slap my ass and call me Sally!” Mama cackled and smacked her knee; her southern lilt bolder than usual. “You best believe we’ll be there, suga!”

“Fantastic! I will get you all of the details as soon as I get back to Austin.”

“Well now, hold on one second… you know what’s funny,” Mama said and went into the living room to retrieve the garment bag she had brought with her. “I brought this today because I thought you may want it for something. Didn’t know what, but when Marie brought it into rehearsals last I was there, everyone agreed only you would be able to pull this costume off.”

She hung the hanger on the top door of the refrigerator and slowly unzipped the vinyl bag. Y/N softly gasped when she saw the frock Mama had brought her. It was a full-length strapless dress that had a corset top with a heart-shaped bustier with deep purple accents, streaming out into a black skirt that was shorter in the front and flowed out from the back. The skirt itself had black velvet swirls imprinted on the ebony material and heavily ruffled bottom that would give it an amazing look when it twirled.

“Mama…” she breathed and ran her fingers over the dark purple accents. “This is gorgeous.”

“It is. And in the bottom are the accessories. You have to wear this. At least once. And what a better place than at the festival. So, you agree to perform one number with us, then we will be there to fill your stage for an entire night.”

Y/N considered the offer and knew that she had to say yes. She hadn’t gotten to the point where she thought about her part in performing at the festival. Working behind the scenes had completely garnered all her attention, so this was the first time she gave it any real thought.

“Alright,” she said, “you win. I will take this back to Austin with me and put it aside for a night on stage with The Corsets. Do I get to pick the routine, or…?”

“Oh no, honey. I’m the Creative Director now,” Mama pinched her cheek and took her place back at the table. “Now, don’t think I am done talking about this whole Jensen situation. I wanna hear more details about this New Year’s Eve party…” She leaned back and sipped her coffee before taking a large bite of her crumb cake. “You best start talking.”

For the rest of the morning, Y/N caught Mama up on New Year’s Eve, including playing with Bri, hearing Jensen sing, the encounter with Dee all the way up to her moment in the game room. By the time the coffee was gone and the cake was only crumbs, Mama had heard the tale, soup to nuts, and sat there stunned, letting it all sink in.

They talked a while longer before Y/N realized the time and had to get ready to leave for the airport. Mama had hugged her tightly with both a warning and a promise before she left.

“I promise that we will put on one hell of a show for those Texans. But, in the meantime, stop being stupid and go kiss the cute boy. Let him know that you’re all in, even if it is a slow-moving gamble. You’ll regret it if you don’t. You hear? I’ll keep my promise to whoop you when I get to Austin if you don’t. Got it?”

“Yes, Mama,” Y/N laughed and embraced her again before watching her go out into the cold winter air.

Hours later, as she made her way through the airport and onto the plane, she felt good about going back. There were still a few lingering doubts about how she and Jensen would be with seeing each other again, but there was time to work on that. First, she needed to get back to Austin, her new home, and refocus herself completely on making the Brewfest as big, bold and beautiful as Jensen’s vision for it was. Outside of that, everything would just have to wait.

Much like Y/N expected, there wasn’t much of a chance to see Jensen through the rest of February and March. It was disappointing to her, mostly because she was really starting to miss him. His schedule in Vancouver changed last minute, which caused him to have to miss the Texas Creative Arts Council meeting as well as a few others he had intended to be at, in turn dashing her hopes of finally getting to talk face to face. Her own travel schedule picked up, as she zigzagged across the country meeting with business owners, sponsors, and supporters of the Hometown Brewfest extravaganza.

The frequency of text exchanges between them increased, and it gave her a glimmer of hope that they could still work through whatever they needed to. As the weeks carried on, and the dates of ChiCon inched closer, Y/N found herself growing more and more anxious about finally having that moment.

Two weeks before, the whole group was in Nashville for a con, while Y/N was wrapping up some last minute business in New Orleans. She was chatting with Rob about a band she found by happenstance, and during the video call, Jensen passed behind him in the background. Her heart lept up in her throat, though she successfully kept her outward demeanor calm and collected. Y/N watched as Jensen did a double take as he noticed her on the screen of Rob’s phone. Leaning over his friend’s shoulder, he shoved his face in the camera and smiled, gave a simple wave and then was called away before he could actually speak.

It was enough to give her that final boost of confidence that they would be ok, but she still desperately needed to clear the air with him. That, however, wouldn’t happen for another two weeks when she found herself pacing the backstage area of the hotel in Chicago where the stars of Supernatural were gathering in preparation for a weekend full of panels, photo ops and a jam-packed concert with Robbie’s band.

Y/N had arrived that Saturday morning well after the festivities had gotten underway. Bri was the first person who she found and was greeted by an over-exuberant hug and the subsequent barrage of questions about everything under the sun. She was quickly whisked away to her panel with Kim, leaving Y/N holding her credentials and aimlessly wandering around the hotel. That was until she found herself on a mission to finally locate and talk to Jensen.

The extra wide hallway of the hotel outside the green room was carpeted with the ugliest yellow, gold and blue carpeting Y/N had ever seen. Though, as she paced it back and forth, she couldn’t take her eyes off of it. Eventually, she found herself pacing along the blue lines that intertwined between the yellow and gold diamond pattern. As ugly as it was, it was somehow keeping her nerves at bay. She could run into Jensen at any time now, and it took all of her willpower not to just turn and run… again.

She wouldn’t though. Her and Jensen needed to set things straight. She didn’t know if this was the way to do it, or what she would say exactly, but she knew it had to be done. Y/N had gotten a peek at his schedule when she checked in and got her credentials to be able to come and go as she pleased. He would be in the green room now, or at least on his way there. So that’s where she headed.

Y/N stalled once she reached the green room door, deciding that maybe just barging in and demanding he talk to her was a bad idea. That’s when the pacing started again and continued for several minutes. She bit on her lower lip and closed her eyes, hanging her head and trying to decide what to do.

She continued walking, but with her eyes closed, she didn’t realize she was walking off her pattern, and straight into oncoming people.

“Whoa there!”

Y/N looked up, and in horrific slow motion, realized she ran square into Jensen’s chest. His hands had gently grabbed her shoulders when they collided, and they lingered there now as recognition touched his features one by one. Seeing him again after so long felt like a shock to her system; her mouth went dry, and she could feel her hands starting to tremble. When she tried to swallow, it stuck like a lump in her throat cutting off the air to her brain and making her feel light headed.

“H-Hey,” she breathed.

“Robbie said you were gonna be here,” he said, then nervously ran his tongue out and over his bottom lip. “It’s good to see you.”

“Yeah,” Y/N agreed, still unsure of what to say. “How’ve you been?” Her words were hesitant and staggered; her gaze unable to break from his.

Jensen finally realized his hands were still on her shoulders and quickly let go.

“Good. Busy, but good. You?”

“Better now that--”

The green room door opened with a bang, startling both Jensen and Y/N. Half a dozen people funneled out, mostly hotel staff, but Robbie was among them.

“Just who I was looking for!” he exclaimed and walked over to them. “You,” he said pointing to Jensen, “have about two minutes before Rich is gonna call you up for your panel with Misha. And you,” he turned to Y/N, “need to come with me while I got a quick ten minutes and figure out where we are going tonight if there’s time. There are a few clubs we gotta hit between tonight and tomorrow.”

“Can you just give us a minute, Rob?” Jensen asked him, and yet, his eyes still didn’t waver from Y/N’s gaze.

“Uh, sure. I’ll be right over there, Y/N.” He looked hesitantly between them, and quietly stepped back and around the corner.

Jensen cleared his throat and turned back to her, unable to disguise just how nervous he was. “About what happened… I wanna, I mean, we should talk, but I do gotta go right now--”

“Right, of course,“ she said, taking a step back from him and suddenly scared to say what she wanted to. “We can do it another time.”

“Later, you’re scouting bands tonight with Rob? Sounds fun. Maybe if you’re not back too late--”

“Mr. Ackles!”

A small blonde haired woman popped her head from around the other end of the hallway and waved frantically for him to come.

“I gotta run,” he said but took a beat to hold her gaze a little longer. It took the impatient little woman at the end of the hallway calling him again, to get his feet moving.

Jensen took a few steps in the direction he had to go, then turned to face her as he walked backward down the corridor. He chuckled nervously and Y/N felt a rush of relief when she realized he seemed truly happy to see her.

“Don’t go far, okay? The panel only lasts about an hour. Maybe we could talk after? I’d really like too--”

“Jensen, please, the panel is starting!” The woman was pleading with him now.

“I’ll be around, Hollywood. Come find me,” she shrugged, trying to be calm, cool and casual. Y/N held back as best she could, but Jensen got the idea that she was happy to see him, too.

“You got it, Trix. I’ll come to find you.” The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smirk, and as he continued to walk away from her, Y/N could hear his happy chuckle fade down the hallway. Just before he turned and disappeared completely, he paused and gave Y/N a wink before heading off to his panel.

When he had disappeared around the far corner, she sighed heavily and laughed to herself, completely overcome with relief. A moment later she heard Robbie walk up behind her and clear his throat.

“Everything go ok?” he asked hesitantly.

Y/N nodded. “Yeah,” she said and did her best to stow the overwhelming relief she had over that encounter with Jensen. “I think we’ll be good.”

“Good,” Robbie said and slung his arm over her shoulders. “Now, let’s talk about the weekend, shall we?” He turned her around and guided her in the opposite direction.

The panel, one that he normally loved doing, felt like an eternity on that particular Saturday afternoon. Jensen and Misha answered questions, engaged in their usual banter, and of course, made a room of hundreds of people scream and laugh with delight. He did his best to maintain his normal energetic vibe, but even Misha could see that his mind just wasn’t in the game.

Instead, Jensen’s mind was firmly stuck on Y/N.

She was there, in the same city, in the same hotel just a few hundred feet away. All he wanted to do was go and see her, talk to her, hash this dumb shit out that made them lose three months of getting closer; three months of seeing her smile, hearing her voice and getting to know more about her.

Jensen was pissed at himself for weeks after New Year’s Day. Regardless of whether he had the right to be upset at her or not, he reverted to his petty and childish demeanor, where women were concerned, and he beat himself up for it. His knee jerk reaction to her running out had everything to do with Dee, and not so much Y/N herself. He needed to tell her that’s why he lied about something so stupid to avoid her. Y/N would understand… that’s what made her different.

Y/N had made the effort, hadn’t she? She came to leave the envelope, and in it was her plea to talk to him. She wanted to explain herself, but at that moment he just couldn’t let her. Then she ran back to New Jersey so fast, which initially made him angry. But it didn’t take him long to realize that she’d been through just as much bullshit with her past as he had, and instead of being angry, he should try and sympathize.

Weeks later he happened to talk to Rob who’d mentioned in passing that he had a FaceTime call with Y/N. It had been in the middle of the snowstorm towards the end of January that she told Rob she would be coming back to Austin. That wasn’t all though, was it? As Jensen sat on the panel stage, and half listened to Misha tell a story about his daughter that made the crowd roar with laughter, he was thinking about the guy hanging out with Y/N while she was home; the one Robbie saw in the background that day. As if on cue, he laughed at Misha’s story, joining in with the rest of the ballroom, but on the inside, he was simmering with jealousy.

Jensen wondered if that was the same “old friend” that showed up at her place on Christmas, and of course, couldn’t help but be curious if that guy was part of why she’d run out on him. Swallowing down the bile that rose in his throat, he continued on with his Q&A with the fans and tried to forget it for the time being.

Finally, the panel had come to an end, with it also being their last panel of the day. Misha was escorted to his last set of photo ops, while Jensen was able to head back to the green room, hoping that he would once again bump into Y/N.

The hallway where he had left her was now empty, as was the green room. He considered calling her and asking where she was, but instead texted Rob and asked if they were still together.

<<Hey man, is Y/N still with you?

>>Nah, she went to check a few places out while it was still light out. She’ll be back for SNS.

Jensen sighed and sent back a quick reply, then tucked his phone away and headed back to his own room to get ready for that night’s concert.

Louden Swain took the stage around nine that night. They played through a few of their originals, and then a handful of covers with some of the cast. Jensen knew he’d go up for a couple of songs, but he was holding out until the end so he could catch Y/N.

“Hey handsome,” Bri greeted, coming up alongside where Jensen was sitting, startling him out of his thoughts. “How’d your day go today?”

“Great,” he said with a tired smile. “Long day though. How about you?”

“Oh you know, fantastic. Kim and I kicked ass. Had some great ops… a cocktail or two in between. You know, the usual.”

“That’s my girl,” he teased and then perked up thinking she could help him. “Any chance you’ve seen Y/N around?”

“Yes! Earlier today when she first came in, then about five minutes ago. She’ll be here in a second, why? Got something you need to say to her? Hmmmm?” Bri raised one perfectly manicured brow at him, challenging him to open up a bit more.

“Yes. Actually, I do.”

“Good boy. I know she wants to talk to you too--” From the stage, Bri heard her cue to go up with Robbie for her song. “Look, she’s around. Talk. To. Her. Then, keep her close, I’m gonna need her.” She wiggled her brows and stuck her tongue out playfully before bounding up the short set of steps that would take her backstage.

Jensen chuckled as she disappeared behind the curtain and out to the roar of applause from the crowd. He tried to think of what he would be doing that night with the band. Jason was playing too, and they talked about The Joker and maybe Whipping Post. He closed his eyes and ran through both songs, half hearing Robbie and Bri singing “Stop Draggin’ My Heart Around” coming from the stage. He certainly didn’t hear Y/N and she came from around the corner and stood in front of him.

“Hey stranger,” she said softly. Despite the music coming from close behind him, he heard her perfectly.

Jensen opened his eyes and thought maybe he was just imagining her there. She looked different than she had earlier. Gone was her T-shirt and ripped jeans, a look that he really loved on her. Now she wore the tight blue jeans and knee-high boots with a black and white, long sleeve peasant-style blouse that was loosely tied at the neck and open enough to accentuate her cleavage. Jensen had a split-second thought about what she had on beneath it before he was able to make himself speak again.

“Hey yourself,” he breathed, standing up from the platform he was sitting on. “How’s your, uh, you know, how’s it--”

“I’m good, Jay. Robbie asked me to come back for the concert. Glad you stuck around. Are you going up there tonight?”

Jensen nodded, suddenly tongue-tied and unsure of what to say.

“They sound great,” Y/N motioned towards the stage and took a few steps closer. “That’s a great song.”

“It is,” he said, but needed to say more and was tired of waiting. “Y/N,” he paused and waited for her to face him. She did, and he could tell she knew what he was about to say. “About New Year’s…”

“Jay, wait. Before you say anything… I’m sorry. I’m sorry for running away like I did. I shouldn’t have--”

“It's okay. I shouldn’t have lied about the stupid movie. It was all so…”

“Stupid?”

“Childish. I guess I could give you a laundry list of reasons--”

“But they wouldn’t matter,” she said quietly and cast her gaze down to her feet. When she looked up at him again, he saw something in her face that made him relax and understand she wanted to move on as badly as he did.

“Yeah. Can we just,” he sighed and shrugged, “just get back to being friends?”

“Yes. I want that, more than anything,” she sighed in relief.

“Good,” he breathed and took a hesitant step closer to her. Y/N stepped in and put her arms around his neck to hug him. Though it took him by surprise, he didn’t waste a second in returning the embrace. She felt so good in his arms as they snaked their way around her waist. It took a lot of willpower on his part to stop himself from nuzzling his face into her neck and drawing in a deep breath of her scent.

From the stage, the music shifted and while the band kept playing, Bri popped her head through the curtain and saw Y/N with Jensen.

“Hate to break up this very much needed moment, but Y/N, I need you up here please.”

Jensen reluctantly released her and saw the scheming look in Briana’s eyes. He narrowed his gaze at her, and she just slyly winked. “Come on slowpoke! They’re waiting.”

“Who’s waiting?” she asked, looking curiously between Jensen and Bri.

“Everyone…” Bri replied and swept back the curtain so Y/N could see the audience.

“What? Oh no, I didn’t--I’m not--”

“You are, and you can. Come on, lady! Time to get your cute little ass up here and sing on stage with me and Robbie.”

Y/N looked to Jensen to save her, but he just shook his head. “Oh no, I’m with Bri on this one. Like I’d ever pass up a chance to watch you on stage.”

Realizing she was being ganged up on, Y/N sighed as her chin fell to her chest in defeat and she made her way up the small set of stairs. “I hate you both,” she chided and both Bri and Jensen rolled their eyes.

Jensen watched from backstage as she got up next to Robbie who was on the mic and introduced Y/N to the crowd. When he spoke about the Brewfest the crowd cheered, and it was the first time Jensen understood just how much work she’d been putting into it, not just into organizing things, but getting the word out to the public about the upcoming event.

Robbie leaned over and whispered something in her ear, Y/N nodded and faced the crowd, giving them a wave. Jensen saw how they seemed to love her already and they hadn’t even heard her sing yet. Robbie faced the band and signaled the next song as the familiar beat of Heart’s “What About Love” kicked in.

Y/N started to sing, and Jensen felt his knees go weak. It had been a while, too long he would say if someone had asked him since he had heard her sing. She fell right into the groove with the band, completely unaware of how sexy and majestic she was on the stage. Bri was beside her, sharing the verses and singing harmonies together. They blended effortlessly with Robbie’s voice, too. Y/N held the notes and used her strong bravado to carry them out, once again making the crowd go wild.

Hints of jealousy filled Jensen, but not because of the reaction she was garnering, but because he wasn’t on stage next to her. How could he have not sung with her yet? At least strummed a guitar while she sat across from him, her tender pitch humming along with whatever he was playing. It suddenly became of utmost importance to him to share a stage with her, but for now, he just hung back and relished in the way her voice made him feel. Anyone that saw him watching her would know that he was so clearly infatuated with this girl, and almost nothing would have pulled him away.

As the song wound towards the end, Jason breezed past Jensen, smacking his shoulder along the way.

“Almost ready, brother? Gonna kick it off with ‘The Joker’, right?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah! Just like we said, call me in when you’re ready.”

“You got it!” Jason replied before running out on the stage.

Jason handled the first chorus, and during the musical interlude, he brought Jensen up and he easily slipped into the version of himself he brought out on the Saturday Night Specials. He noticed that Briana and Y/N were still up there, yet off towards stage right, and singing along with the chorus of the song. Jensen casually strolled in their direction, just feeling the need to be as close to Y/N as possible. The moment the music came back around to where he picked up the song, happened to be the same moment that Jensen walked around behind her, then was at her side. Without giving it a second thought, he draped his arm around her shoulders and sang the lines directly to her… their eyes locked as if he was speaking solely to Y/N and not to a room of hundreds of people.

“You’re the cutest thing I ever did see…

Really love your peaches wanna shake your tree

Lovey-dovey lovey-dovey lovey-dovey all the time...

Oooey baby I sure show you a good time…”

The song played on, and eventually, he moved back across the stage and sang out to the crowd. But the expression that came to rest on her face was not something he would ever forget. He caught glimpses of her smiling as her eyes followed across the stage. He liked how it felt for her to watch him; he felt uninhibited and free to be himself.

When it was over, he was disappointed as Bri grabbed Y/N’s hand now that their turn on stage was done. They waved to the audience and the band transitioned into “Whipping Post” while they exited through the back.

As Jensen belted out line after line of The Allman Brothers song, he wished Y/N had stayed out there with them and secretly hoped she was watching from backstage. Thank God he was singing a song he knew without having to think about because all his mind could really focus on was how good it felt to have her back around. At that moment, Jensen had felt better than he had in a very long time.

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Everything Tags: @kazosa // @sorenmarie87 // @lefthologramdeer // @his-paradox // @letsby // @thefaithfulwriter

SUPERNATURAL TAGS: @wings-of-a-raven // @negans-wife // @mrsbarnes-rogers // @teller258316 // @spnhollis // @sweet-things-4-life // @hobby27 // @sweetlythoughtfulbird // @theoriginalvicki // @dreamchester67 // @xxwarhawk // @babykalika2001 // @superwhovianfangirl81 // @toobusynerdfighting // @missihart23 // @crowleysreigningqueenofhell // @idreamofplaid // @thewinchesterchronicles // @wayward-gypsy // @closetspngirl // @fatestemptress // @rebelminxy // @22sarah08 // @witch-of-letters// @cole-winchester // @rainflowermoon // @adoptdontshoppets // @waywardvalkyrie // @fandomoniumflurry // @gnrfanfic // @blackcherrywhiskey // @jessieray98 // @lyoly // @a–1–1–3 // @31shadesofbrown // @whereismyangel-damnitdeanshare // @pilaxia // @screechingartisancashbailiff // @kgbrenner // @holylulusworld // @deansenwackles // @jamielea81 // @coffeebooksandfandom // @logical-princey // @gemini0410 // @salt-n-burn-em-all // @collette04 // @mrswhozeewhatsis // @deathofmissjackson // @lauravic // @akshi8278 // @katehuntington

When You Least Expect It: @winchest09 // @jerkbitchidjitassbutt // @aomi-nabi // @luciathewinchestergirl // @alexisxwinchester // @moonxdance // @seppys-return-to-madness // @donnaintx // @deans-baby-momma // @the-is13

#jensen ackles rpf #jensen ackles x reader #jensen ackles x you #jensen ackles x y/n #jensen ackles x reader insert #jensen ackles fanfics #when you least expect it

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