#I’ve been stressed a lot lately but thank you for all the kind messages and wishes :D | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

loulicate-recs · 2 years ago

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Hello Hanis love! I might as well tell you, but I’m not in the best mood–first, my nose is still stuffed, second, I’m on my periods, third, the secret santa experience is almost over and fourth, I was almost finished with writing this message and deleted everything. I’m so stupid! It doesn’t really matter because I’m still happy to answer you, but I was also quite content with my previous answers and I don’t want it to feel less genuine as it did before I deleted it all. So, sorry let’s take it from the start again.

I hope your 22nd day of December was great and that you could do everything you wanted. What are you doing December 23rd? I’m currently staying in the mountains, so I hope I get to enjoy it despite having to study. Are you already done with your gift for your secret baby? I’m personally not done with yours and entirely too stressed about it cause it’s really my own fault. I should have started it earlier so I’d give myself time to be a proper perfectionist. Either way, I’m sure your gift is perfect–I have no doubt your secret baby will know you poured your heart into it. I personally originally wanted to make a gift both for you and my secret santa but I’m already running out of time for yours, so let’s try to focus on that. And I really hope you like what I’ve made for you too, cause I’ve made it with you in mind.

To answer your question, I don’t think this is the flu–just a cold that won’t go away. I’m pretty sure I’m almost done with it so thank you universe for showing mercy. I wish I could I could tell you my coping mechanisms but I’m not sure I have one–I’m just downright unsufferable til I get better. I would say I usually get sick at least once during winter time, but it’s usually a common cold, so nothing to complain about. I’ve been a weakling this year though, because I’ve already been ill quite a few times since August. And what happened to your sinus for them to get blocked in such a way? That must really suck! I’m sorry for you. Do you get sick often? I’m realizing it might have been super inconsiderate of me to complain in such a way when this is a minor inconvenience and I don’t know how healthy you are. I’m sorry!

I don’t remember mentioning snow in my previous message dsdlsqkk but I can explain how it works here either way. Maybe it will give your one more clue (or not?) about my identity but hey, it’s December 22nd and I’m too tired to lie dsk3qdhjs so! In my country, some parts get snow quite often while others don’t. I live an area that doesn’t get snow, or once a year at best and it doesn’t stick. But further away, it does snow. Because of climate change, temperatures are all over the place though, so it’s difficult to predict when and for how long it will snow. When you know who I am, I might send you pics of the snow I’ve taken in the past year of you want!

I think popcorns are still fun, once in a while. They still hurt my wallet when directly bought at the cinema though. Have you seen Avatar? My friends went to see it the other day and I didn’t because I can’t even remember the first one; they found it predicable though very beautiful. Is it the kind of movie you like to see or?

I don’t know if I’m a dedicated student or just a very stressed one haha! Tbh, I think I’m pretty flexible in my relationships in my life, but being late has always stressed me out a lot. What about you, what kind of student or you? The procrastinator/cram-worker? The perfectionist? Both? I have about 18 to 20 hours of classes a week at the moment (I’ll have more next semester, I think) and it doesn’t feel like that much because I used to have a lot more. And a class usually lasts 50 minutes! What about you? I’m actually very curious about this because it is very interesting to compare school systems across the worth to find where the strengths and weaknesses of each of them lie. And I’ve lived in another continent before, so in that aspect I’m very lucky.

Now that you’ve mentioned HP, I feel like I have to ask–who are you favourite characters, and what do you think is Louis’ house? It is a question of an upmost important so please take your time to answer.

What you said about English and it being a first language made complete sense, I’m just not the sharpest tool in the shed dsqkldjlksq it’s just that not many people around here would say it’s their first language so I didn’t understand you meant it like that. Was clear though, I just deformed your words. Anyways. Dsqqjdlk. I feel like I’m speaking to a smartie, hm? Level 3 sounds like something but I’m not actually sure. Either way, it’s super cool that you invested yourself in learning a new language. I think it’s important to have this kind of curiosity at first, even though it’s tough to train on the daily. Nice try, though, I won’t tell you the language I speak today :p

I think your perception of relationships is really interesting! I like how you envision things. It makes me question my own habits and beliefs. I hope you find people along the way who share the same philosophy as you! And you answered the question perfectly, no worries. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me!

I guess it is? Some people go to the mass on Christmas, so I guess they do celebrate the birth of Jesus? I’m literally the worst person ever to answer this question but even though many occidental countries celebrate ist because of capitalism it has the world “christ” in it. Even though the origin of the celebration, is disputed there must be some religious part to it. I think that’s very cute it was a celebration meant to celebrate snow. Makes me think of winter fairy!zayn in your fic :) and I think you’re wrong, you can avoid big gatherings! I personally “celebrate” Christmas only with my parents and siblings. It is probably because we do not associate it with something holy, though. My family is also part of the few who think you shouldn’t force yourself to see people. Some years, we see our relatives more than others and that’s the way things are. We love each other, but we do not necessarily have a super close bond with them. I feel much closer to my parents and siblings than I ever will to my cousins (like most people) but I don’t miss the relationship I could have had with them. I’m happy when I see them but I don’t do things differently just because they’re my family. This makes me think, do you think you should always forgive people, especially your family? I know that in Christianity, forgiveness is a very important part of your faith, so maybe it touches aspects of your own faith and you don’t have to answer this question. I was just wondering because one of my friends has a very tough relationship with her family and everyone keeps telling her she should forgive them when I’m not quite sure I agree with that. She’s not burning with anger or sorrow or anything like that, if you’re wondering. So for example, do you think you should forgive people, because “they’re still your parents”? I don’t know if I should be asking all these questions when I know they’re very polarizing but I feel comfy with you so you get an insight of my thoughts at the moment. Please, don’t feel like you have to answer though!

Ahahaha it does happen sometimes because we all have different tastes in music but my siblings and I grew up listening to some tunes my mum loves so it kinda got ingrained into our brain to sing it in the car haha

What you say makes a lot of sense! I think UK promo is often Louis paying a tribute to his English fans and his country in general whereas US promo looks a lot more like a promo. I think for that reason US promo is more likely to make his career move in a certain direction. So yeah, I do agree with you, though I love have convenient it is when we get UK promo cause there is no or little to no timezone problems. At least, now I know that it’s more convenient for you when he does US promo so instead of grumbling I’ll think of you <3

I also NEED to day I love the way you talk about Louis!! Wanna kiss you too all over <3<3

I don’t really know about a perfect pair slkdjkqls I think they clash a lot. They’re definitely more a pair of opposite; my dad being a lot more laid back than my mum who stresses over any and every think. I think I get along with both of them in different ways so I’m very lucky.

Arrrrgh, I think I’ve only written about myself in this one letter and for this, I’m sorry. I just always want to answer everything and give unnecessary details or digress. I hope it still wasn’t too boring to read and that I get to finish your gift on time for… well, next time. I’m sending you so, so much love and kisses. Thank you for making me smile and giving me an insight of your beautiful, beautiful thought process. You’re the comfiest person to talk to! I hope you feel as listened to as I do.

Love, kisses, hugs, and head pats, xx

hi secret santa! i intentionally waited until today to answer you so you won’t have to send anything else as i do the closure for us (for this secret santa thingy!!) damn i feel horrible and your behalf… you went through a LOT. is your nose still stuffed? by the way seems like we have the same period cycle, our love is so strong. and ngl, accidentally deleting the stuff you’ve been working on is one of the most unfair unlucky things that could ever happen to someone and i’m sorry you fell as the victim. and the way you still decided to re-write the whole thing when you could’ve just let me know about what happened… you’re literally the best secret santa ever. i’m sure your deleted answer was a perfection, i still appreciate her as much as i do with this one!

my day have been great from 22nd until today despite having to work everyday, even on the christmas :( you’re on top of the mountain! it must be so pretty over there 🥺 i hope the atmosphere up there made your studying much easier and less stressful. i’m done with the gift btw, can’t wait to show them later. please, i’m not sure whether you’ve done with it or not by now, but if you haven’t, you don’t have to worry about rushing to finish it. you can even gift me on another day, it doesn’t have to be today! we make the rules, remember? :) and i WILL love it, whatever you’re doing for me. i love gifts, no matter what it is. it’s always the thoughts that count! and i know that you’re putting so much efforts into it so it makes it more special. i want to ask you a lot of questions honestly… but you won’t get to reply me anymore, at least not here. so if i accidentally slip in some questions just ignore.

a cold that won’t go away… i’m glad that it’s surrendering. you deserve to have a good time in a healthy condition before your papers! i myself have a cold intolerance, or whatever you call it. i can’t even work in an air conditioned place without ending up getting a flu, so i can’t imagine being in your place. it’s also one of the reasons why i get my sinusitis often, especially during a rainy night. vicks inhaler is a compulsory on my beside table. my body is just built that way ig </3 please acknowledging the capability of your body is never inconsiderate! and it’s certainly not simply a minor inconvenience when it clearly impacts your body and comfort!

i might’ve confused your and my santa babie’s descriptions, my bad! some of the things we discussed about are quite the same as our topics and my brain is tiny 😞 also, this is actually a new information for me! call me stupid or ignorant for this but i’ve never thought of the fall of snow to be that way. i thought all places in europe receive almost the same amount of snow and the thickness only varies just by a few inches. my already dumb little brain has been deceived by the media portrayals. and PLEASE, show me the snow pics 🥹 tbh i’ve only seen it on the tv or pictures posted by random people on twitter/instagram so if u wanna send some later i’ll be honoured to see them :’)

yes popcorn has its fun side, i honestly enjoy it more during mindless eating rather than watching movie. and no, i… haven’t seen avatar and probably will take me some more years to see it? sgdfjkf embarrassingly admitting i’ve never watched any avatars films before </3 and tbh i’m not really big on that kind of movie or marvels.

it’s amazing to have a student like you in any uni, i like your thinking. tbh i can work under stress to get the job done but i always try to complete things a little earlier than the due date. maybe a day earlier? because then if anything i’ll at least have time to do any correction if i have to. but also not to early to avoid any misunderstanding on the instructions that’ll make me waste my energy and time doing something incorrectly. 20 hours per week :o i think we’re quite the same! it honestly depends in the lecturers too, some tend to ALWAYS cancel the class last minute and assign us tutorials so i don’t really consider those hours as classes. and i also think the same, especially the elementary school system because that’s where the major differences lie. tbh i don’t quite like my country’s education system especially the primary schools, there’s just so many weaknesses that would take me a 10 paragraphs essay if i were to complain.

oh my hp questions… would you cancel me if i said louis is a slytherin? it has sth to do with him being a little too spiritual ever sincd fitf. but also for so long i used to think he was hufflepuff! and i will cry draco my loml is my fav! my baby was WRONGED.

i am definitely not a smartie if french people heard me utter a word in their language my mouth’d be stuffed with bread and kicked on the butt into the sea </3 i look so stupid speaking french.

i see, thank u for clarifying it! it amazes me to see there is variety of celebrations for christmas being done in each family. sdfjfk winter fairy zayn might just be a tiny part of my little self’s misunderstanding of the snow and christmas thingy :3 your parents are so realllll for that, i mean to have a day meant to be joyous for yourself shouldn’t include seeing just everyone. there are more things to enjoy if we look for something that appeases our own happiness. to answer your question, definitely no! i’m not gonna lie to myself and say that i won’t forget what people did to me because truly, i’m not easy to forget AND forgive </3 and if it’s my family especially, it will go straight to my core memory. of course im still gonna treat them nicely but unless they really make up and apologise sincerely, i… hold grudges secretly. ik this sounds toxic and not very “forgiving and considerate first daughter” of me but i grew up thinking that my family was perfect and it’d be so wrong to assume the bad in them, but now that i’m older i’ve learned that even if someone is your family, doesn’t mean they’re perfect is actually more accurate than the vice versa. and about your friend, i honestly do feel her though… i myself don’t feel comfortable sharing my family problems with my friends because most of them probably have a good relationship with theirs and they’d say the same thing too because they’re not in our place, and everyone who is unaffected is always the quickest to “reassure” us with “the right thing” to do. it kinda feels invalidating actually because sdgfjf you’re MY friend not my family’s. but luckily i have one friend that goes through almost the same things as i did whenever it comes to family problems and we always confide in each other about our “first daughter” problems. i’m glad for your friend because she at least has you to understand her, but i wish other people around her wouldn’t be so tapering towards her issues :(

i agree! UK louis content could be cute sometimes when you think how loyal he is to the country. the idea of him performing somewhere he loves is just so cute ♡

please our parents are almost the same. my dad is literally the epitome of “actions speak louder than words”, my mom has it equal for both. that’s good for you! it’s like you’re flexible to switch your actions to accommodate different people.

please why are you even apologising, i loveree knowing random facts about you. you are such an interesting person to get to know to while you still remain anonymous to me. i love you i love talking to you so much. i’m gonna do the honour of saying goodbye to our secret santa session here so, bye my sweetest anon!

see you LATER :D

#ss #answered #2022 #i love my santa #they are the best #anyone else go home

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seekforwarmth · 2 years ago

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Hellooooo from your Secret Santa🎄🧑🏻‍🎄🤍:

I hope you didn't think I forgot about you, because I didn't! <3 Here I am💕💕

Don't worry, I'm enjoying these messages a lot! They're not stressful at all and I'm loving writing to you<3

I'm really glad to read that you had a good day yesterday! Do you teach kids or teenagers? And to answer your questions, I do not like football; my family wasn't a big football fan growing up so I was never interested on it. I love fics, the whole reason I kept my sanity during lockdown was because of fics. Naps? My #1 true passion. I love sleeping and I love long naps with my dog next to me<3

I had a very easy day yesterday, no work for me so that means no stress at all and I was reall thankful for that, Today in the other hand, was a little bit stressful, my boss and I are getting a lot of fights lately but nothing too serious, I just think it's a rough patch between me and her. We'll get throught it. How was your day? Hopefully you had a beautiful morning and now you're having a happy evenning!<3

The number we coincide on it's 13, for some reason or another it has always been present in my life! I do think we will get along really well once you discover who I am<33 Maybe we are in the same hemisphere, maybe not, who knows?👀👀

I'm an introvert just like you, it's hard for me to be out of my comfort zone but once I feel good in it, there's no one who'll shut my mouth, lmao. Cats are beautiful! I only know so little of them because I've never been so close to one:( But I think they're amazing and cuddly <333 Love 4 non blodes!! It's my mama's favorite band and I also grow up listening to "whats up?" omg, now I'm thinking if we have the same age mmm. As a favorite song, I don't think I have one because I love music too much that's difficult to choose one. But I'll tell you the first song I ever learn how to sing was "My happy ending" by Avril Lavigne, that song was my anthem when I was 8 years old, I think.

Wel well, it's getting really interesting to know more about you! I hope you don't think I'm a creep for asking so many questions hahaha soooo for today I would like to know if you do like and enjoy christmas? and tell me a memorie that makes you really happy everytime you think of it. I'll be waiting to read it <33

Another long message just for youuuuuu<33 I feel this was a listless one, I'm not on right set of mind because I'm sleepy hahhaa I've been up since 4am so sorry :( but tomorrow you'll get a better message. I promise! But still, I really hope you enjoyed this message<333

Sending you big and long hugssss wherever you are xx

hello lovely! so glad to hear from you!

i’m sorry you didn’t have a good day today and i hope everything gets better between you and your boss. i know what it’s like to have a difficult relationship at work, so i can only pray for it to not take a toll on you.

abt my job, i teach teenagers! that’s why it can get a bit stressful at times but i tried to understand them bc i was a teenager once as well lol. what kind of fics do you like? i feel like my taste has changed the last couple of years, and maybe the lockdown had something to do with it bc i tried to read as much as i could. and i take naps with my cat! although he takes his own whenever he wants and only joins me when he feels really needy :D

i already like you! i feel you’re very similar to me bc of what you told me abt you being an introvert. it looks like we both like to talk a lot once i feel confident enough. i’ve got the feeling you’re younger than me but still a 90s baby? i’m 30 (my biggest flex is that i get to be louis’s age for half a year and then zayn’s for the other half).

i don’t mind your questions at all! i appreciate them a lot and they’re fun to answer :D i like christmas but i don’t celebrate it as i used to when i was younger. this is gonna sound super cliché but my best memories of christmas were when i still had my mum, and when my youngest nephew was born. nowadays i celebrate louis’s birthday more than anything hehe. do you like christmas though? how do you celebrate it?

thanks for your lovely message and your kind words! i hope you get to rest tonight after a long day! sending love and hugs your way! <333

#bss22 #anonymous #answered

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raventhebookkeeper · 2 years ago

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Hello, this is to my followers, those who visit my page and/or have requested.

I want to start off with an apology before I go into details. I’m sorry to those who have waited for their requests (a letter, imagine, etc.). I know it’s been going on for at least the past two years now. Where I have been on and off on here and I don’t think that’s fair to anyone.

When I started this account, I was in a pretty good place mentally and physically. Despite the pandemic I was keeping myself busy and was ready to start writing and finally was confident enough to share my work.

But then life kinda threw me a curve ball and some things happened not long after. (Perfect timing right) I’ve been constantly pushing down emotions and feelings that rose up from these situations. And every time I thought it was getting better something else happened.

This is the reason for my inconsistency. I would just steer clear from any social media for awhile. The stress of everything and the guilt (from falling behind on my writing) made me just want to isolate myself for a time. But isolating myself, my feelings, and trying to ignore everything obviously didn’t help.

Lately I haven’t been feeling great physically. I usually don’t when I’m stressed and it affects me in different ways. And I finally broke down yesterday and today. And I decided I cannot keep dealing with it in this way. I wanna work on it. I don’t want these bad habits to stay and I miss feeling like myself. I miss being me. I don’t know if that makes sense.

I let a lot of it build up to the point where I would explode at random times. How I Stay Sane: My Mental Hygiene Routine (A video on YouTube made by Elizabeth Filips) puts it perfectly into words how it feels.

I’m not going to stop this account. I have written things that I want to post. I’m just reworking on my confidence. I’ve decided not to write new requests for awhile. I’m going to work on the ones that I have, before this post. People may still request but please understand that it will take me awhile to finish the ones I already have. And when they are finished and I’m ready to “open up shop” again to more, than I will begin those as well.

I also want to say thank you to the lovely people that have been so kind on here. Everyone that requests has just been so nice and I appreciate your patience. I really really do. And just anyone who has left kind messages and has followed my account. You are amazing.

Once again I apologize to those who have waited so long. I should have addressed this long ago.

Thank you, and I hope you all have a wonderful day/evening.

I’ll see you soon ya crazies💚

#this was a bit long and I kind of info dumped #sorry but thank you if you took the time to read the whole thing

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gretagerwigsmuse · 1 year ago

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poor bug! i mean my god, she is really going through it this chapter? i mention it below but i think what breaks my heart the most is that no one at work even stands up for her a little bit? she’s truly all alone there? she just seems so tired and it’s the kind of tiredness that won’t go away with a good night’s sleep (even with a sweet boyfriend), it just eats away at your bones? i’m so nervous for the next chapter, you do suspense and tension at her office so well 💕

You spilled your favorite hard-to-find coffee creamer, and to top it off, you couldn’t find your favorite necklace that you wore more often than you didn’t. You were almost positive you had put it on the jewelry plate on your dresser last night like you always did, but it was nowhere to be found this morning. - NOPE IM SORRY BYE THAT IS TOO ON THE NOSE AND NOT AN ACCIDENT

“But because of the open HR investigation you insisted upon, I was advised against it. So unless you want to drop that, you’ll be handling these solos. You wanted more responsibility anyway, didn’t you?” - oh fuckkkkkkk her??? wtf gretchen??? first piling onto her workload and then with this passive aggressive bullshit uh uh no thanks!

“It was within my rights just like it would be within anyone else’s. So I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t ask me things like that, or imply that I’m being punished for standing up for myself by forcing me to handle the work of an additional person on my own, when I'm already doing the work of two people on a regular basis. That’s retaliation. And it’s not okay, nor is it fair.” - YES YOU TELL HER!! literally this is in every employee harassment training i’ve ever watched, good for her for sticking up to her boss (like it’s shitty that she has to, but you know what i mean!)

You had a tendency to cry when you were angry, something you hated because it made you feel weak, and combined with the stress and the sweetness of the words, you weren’t all that surprised when you felt the tears prick the back of your eyes. - i do too, def can relate (bradley’s messages were very sweet and reassuring tho) (also this is weird to say, but honestly if she does get fired she can sue them and she’d win so make their pockets hurt!)

The whispers had turned to full fledged talking now, people vocally making it clear that they didn’t believe you and weren’t on your side. The rumors that floated around were starting to get vicious. Each one was more outlandish than the one before. - this breaks my heart, i hate that no one could corroborate her story and that no one just stood up to say they believed her? like plain and simple i believe her

…and considering you hadn’t left earlier than 8pm due to the extra work given to you, you felt like you were slowly but surely losing your mind - ooooo i don’t like this! i don’t like her staying too late at the office! don’t like the idea of her there or in the parking lot “alone”

…and last night you had been so tired that his voice had lulled you to sleep barely 10 minutes into the call. Your phone was below 10%, but you could have cried when you woke up and saw that the line was still connected. Bradley hadn’t hung up, and he was there when you called out for him. - oh my god that is so tender and sweet 🥹 wow i love that

It was made worse by Gretchen telling everyone how she was reassigning one of your favorite accounts to him, a comment about divvying up resources to improve work/life balance. She looked at you directly as she said it, and you didn’t miss the twitch of her lip as she fought off a self-satisfied smile. - what the fuck is gretchen’s problem??? god she is awful?? and the fact that she’s giving it to paul of all people???

You gave him no warning before you closed the remaining distance. Your bag clattered to the ground as you slammed into him. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around you in return, holding you tightly against his body. Your face buried itself into his chest and your hands gripped the back of his shirt as you clung to him, and right there in your driveway, you finally let yourself cry. - oh sweet girl 🥺 i am so sorry! she must be so so tired and just spent? i know he gives really good hugs tho ☺️

“It's sucky, is what it is,” Bradley said, his voice flatter than you had ever heard it. - yeah no, bradley and i both know that isn’t a coincidence or the land lord 👀 did the “landlord” also take the necklace 👀 i think not!

Those words from before played on your tongue again, but you swallowed them back by kissing him once more. Now wasn’t the time for them, either. - completely agree! as much as i’d like her to tell him exactly how she feels with those three little words, i want it to be because she’s just really happy and overwhelmed with good feelings?

But you also wondered, deep down, why no one believed you. That was one of the toughest pills to swallow. - same here! like there has to be one person!? it’s very curious to me!

“You’re right,” you said. You leant up to press your lips to his again. “I’ll go.” - oh no. i hope it’s not always at the same place each month or i hope she didn’t put it in her work calendar or anything because i KNOW pervy paul is gonna be there if so 👀

This Love Came Back to Me (7)

Summary: You and Bradley hadn’t ended on bad terms; really, you stopped before the two of you could even truly begin. Still, in the last seven months, you had never completely left his mind. So when you suddenly appeared in front of him at the bar, asking for a favor and pulling him into a kiss, he thought maybe it was the perfect opportunity to see if this time, things could be different. But what neither of you realized was that there’s more going on than just rekindling a lost romance, and it might not be as easy as simply just wanting it.

Pairing: Bradley Bradshaw x Reader (no use of y/n)

Warnings: second chance romance, language, allusions of smut and potential full smut, stalking, unhealthy obsessions, delusions of feelings, unwanted attention.

Part Seven Word Count: 5.1K

Part Six :: Series Masterlist

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You were slow to get up on Monday morning. Your body was reluctant to move from beneath the covers, your mind even more so. The dread of the week ahead had already settled in your stomach before your eyes had even fluttered open.

Something told you that it was going to be a bad day, and as you got ready for work, that thought grew stronger and stronger. You had used the wrong moisturizer, and then had gotten toothpaste on your black blouse and had to change. You spilled your favorite hard-to-find coffee creamer, and to top it off, you couldn’t find your favorite necklace that you wore more often than you didn’t. You were almost positive you had put it on the jewelry plate on your dresser last night like you always did, but it was nowhere to be found this morning. A quick check behind the dresser and in the drawers proved no luck, and it wasn’t on your bathroom counter, either. You wondered if maybe you had left it at Bradley’s on accident, but you swore you had been wearing it when you came home.

Nerves prickled at your skin once you left your house, growing steadily the closer you got to the office. You prolonged going in for as long as you could, sitting in the car until the very last minute before you forced yourself inside and up the elevator. You breathed a sigh of relief when you noticed you were the last one to make it in and everyone else was already focused on what they were doing. You don’t bother with any pleasantries as you start toward your desk - your very flower and coffee free desk, as it was.

As you did every morning, you checked your calendar to remind yourself what was on the agenda for the day. You swallowed thickly when you noticed a calendar invite with your boss that definitely hadn’t been there when you left on Friday. Glancing down at the clock in the corner of your screen, you cursed under your breath and shot to your feet.

You paused outside of Gretchen’s door once you got to it, taking a second to catch your breath from your mad dash from your desk before knocking. Her voice was clipped when she told you to come in.

“Good morning,” you greeted, forcing as much chipperness into your tone as possible. Your boss didn’t have the same courtesy and barely looked up from her computer screen.

“I need you to pick up the Randolph and Jackson accounts while Deana is out the next few weeks. There should be notes in her files. I need some preliminary drafts to present to them by the end of the day.”

Anxiety formed in your stomach at having something else thrown on your already very full plate. You truly were at capacity with your workload. Normally, you would grin and bear it. But you had stopped interpreting her giving you more as her trusting you a while ago. You knew it was just a power play and too high blind expectations to follow it on her part.

“Am I being partnered with someone on this?” you asked, trying to keep your voice steady.

“Like who?”

“Lauren? Or maybe Joey, or Shante?” you listed off anyone you could think of. The clicking of Gretchen’s keyboard halted as she stopped typing, finally looking up at you from her spot behind the cluttered desk. She raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow.

“Can you not handle the extra work?”

“Well, I-”

“I was going to partner you with Paul,” she said, and the stress you were feeling deepened, your skin crawling at even the thought. “But because of the open HR investigation you insisted upon, I was advised against it. So unless you want to drop that, you’ll be handling these solos. You wanted more responsibility anyway, didn’t you?”

It took all of your willpower not to flinch. She didn’t bother trying to hide her opinion on the matter, her words laced with disdain and sarcasm. You felt scolded and embarrassed at how she was blatantly judging you, and feeling that way in turn made you angry, too. You had no reason to feel those things - you had done nothing wrong, here. You remembered what Bradley had told you. He was insistent that this wasn’t your fault. Deep down you knew he was right, even if it took you some time to reach him there. You knew that it wasn’t fair that you were being looked at and spoken to this way, by your boss, nonetheless.

You breathed in deeply, silently centering yourself. You didn’t like confrontation, but you hated being belittled even more. You cleared your throat and stood a little bit taller, squaring your shoulders.

“I won’t be dropping it.”

“Are you sure?” she asked, and you’d be blind not to see the challenge written all over her face. You couldn’t believe that once upon a time, when you first started at this company, you admired this woman.

“I’m positive,” you stated. You were so glad that your voice didn’t shake, because you were trembling on the inside. You continued on before you lost your nerve, the words rushing out of you once they started. “It was within my rights just like it would be within anyone else’s. So I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t ask me things like that, or imply that I’m being punished for standing up for myself by forcing me to handle the work of an additional person on my own, when I'm already doing the work of two people on a regular basis. That’s retaliation. And it’s not okay, nor is it fair.”

Gretchen’s expression was one of surprise, no doubt shocked at the backbone you had suddenly grown in response to her. She wasn’t used to people questioning her authority, or anything that she did, really. You hadn’t seen a single person challenge or talk back to her the whole time you’ve worked together. You were probably the last one she expected to break the streak, but god, you were so damn tired.

“Well then,” her voice dripped in sarcasm when she finally spoke, “I see someone paid attention to the policies in the employee handbook.”

“It’s not a policy,” you corrected without skipping a beat, “It’s a law.”

She stared at you for a long, tense moment. Slowly, you watched as her face morphed into something colder. Her lips curled into a sneer and her hazel eyes narrowed. Her thin arms folded over her chest as she leant back in her chair. But you refused to squirm under her glare, instead meeting it head on.

Gretchen was the first to cave, whether it be because she sensed you weren’t going to or because she knew she was in the wrong. You weren’t sure, and frankly, you didn’t care.

Her blonde hair swayed when she shook her head in your direction, a poorly contained scoff leaving her mouth as she returned her attention to the computer screen, resuming the typing she was doing before you got here. “I expect the information needed for the Randolph account on my desk by the end of the day,” she said, “I’ll have someone else work on Jackson. Get to work, and shut my door on the way out.”

There’s more you could have said - more that you wanted to say. But you knew a dismissal when you heard one, and you had pushed the boundaries further than you ever had before. And truthfully, you were desperate to be out of her presence. You spun on your heel and left her office without another word. In a split second show of defiance, you didn’t close the door all the way like she had requested. You heard her call after you, but you kept walking.

Oh my God, you thought. You couldn’t believe you had just done that.

You glanced at your phone when you got back to your desk and saw a text waiting for you. Based on the timestamp, it must have arrived shortly after you had shot up to go to the last minute meeting.

Bradley🐓✈️❤️:Going up in the air soon. How’s work?

Your hands shook as you typed out a message in return. The adrenaline from your anger still pulsed in your veins, but you could feel yourself coming down from it, your nerves starting to buzz under your skin instead.

Cross your fingers that I get responses on applications this week, because I might be getting fired.

To your surprise, the dots that indicated Bradley started typing back popped up almost immediately. You breathed a sigh of relief that he still had his phone on him, because you needed some sort of interaction right now that wasn’t from people in this office.

Bradley🐓✈️❤️:What?

You gave him the short version of your interaction as a headache started forming at your temples. You dug around in your bag until you found the bottle of ibuprofen you kept there, swallowing the pills down quickly with a sip of your coffee.

Bradley🐓✈️❤️:That’s my girl. I’m proud of you, baby.

You had a tendency to cry when you were angry, something you hated because it made you feel weak, and combined with the stress and the sweetness of the words, you weren’t all that surprised when you felt the tears prick the back of your eyes. You took a deep breath and chewed your bottom lip, fighting to keep them at bay.

You were at your desk in the middle of the office and you refused to let these people see you cry.

You tried to think of something to say in return. Three words flashed in your mind, your fingers itching to type them for the briefest of moments before you push them away. You didn’t think you could handle trying to figure out those emotions right now. You must have taken too long, because your boyfriend was sending another message before you could reply at all.

Bradley🐓✈️❤️: Heading up now. Don’t worry about work. None of those people are worth it.

It was exactly what you needed to be told in that moment, and your heart swelled for this man. You wished you were with him now.

Let me know when you’re safely back on planet earth, please. Fly safe, aviator❤️

____

You weren’t naive enough to think finally standing up to Gretchen would solve all of your problems. You also didn’t expect to become something of an office pariah by lunch that day though, either.

It seemed that suddenly everyone knew what had happened not only with Gretchen, but with Paul, and about the multiple complaints you had filed against him. You felt the stares and heard the whispers, not having to try hard to accomplish either because no one was going out of their way to hide it. Judgment came off of people in waves, making you feel like the worst kind of center of attention. You were hot and itchy with discomfort.

It was a struggle to stay focused to hit the deadlines you had, and when you emailed everything over to Gretchen a little bit after 5:00, the immediate response you got was her informing you that you were ten minutes late, and that a deadline for another client that you normally handled was moved to tomorrow. Every part of you wanted to respond by telling her that would have been nice to know in advance and so it sounded like a her problem. But the client in question was someone you genuinely enjoyed working with. They were always so good to you, and you didn’t want to let them down because of Gretchen’s thoughtlessness of telling you this last week. You gritted your teeth, wishing you would have listened to Bradley when he suggested taking off of work.

By Thursday, you felt like you were going to crawl out of your skin. The whispers had turned to full fledged talking now, people vocally making it clear that they didn’t believe you and weren’t on your side. The rumors that floated around were starting to get vicious. Each one was more outlandish than the one before. They made the days longer, each minute feeling like an hour, and considering you hadn’t left earlier than 8pm due to the extra work given to you, you felt like you were slowly but surely losing your mind; you didn’t know how much more of it you could take.

To make matters worse, you hadn’t seen Bradley all week, though not for a lack of trying. You missed him. Your nightly phone calls were one of the only things getting you through, and last night you had been so tired that his voice had lulled you to sleep barely 10 minutes into the call. Your phone was below 10%, but you could have cried when you woke up and saw that the line was still connected. Bradley hadn’t hung up, and he was there when you called out for him. When you switched the call to Facetime, you could see he was getting ready for work, his uniform already on and a toothbrush in his mouth.

“Morning, beautiful.”

You could practically feel the bags under your eyes, and you knew your hair was all over the place. You didn’t feel very beautiful right now, but you smiled at him anyway, the compliment making you feel warmer than the blankets you were still laying under.

“Good morning. I don’t want to get up,” you groaned pathetically, burrowing yourself further into the pillow under your head. Bradley chuckled lightly, but didn’t say anything as he finished brushing his teeth. When you forced your heavy eyes back open, the thoughtful, contemplative look he was giving you reflected through the screen. His brown eyes were full of something that your tired mind thought was worry. “What?” you asked quietly.

“I’m going to come see you tonight,” he said. “I’m tired of things getting in the way. I want to see my girl. I don’t want to wait until the weekend again.”

The early morning rasp in his voice made you shiver. Your heart raced in anticipation, suddenly feeling a little bit more awake. You weren’t going to point out that the weekend would have just been one extra day at this point, because truly, you felt the exact same way. “I’d like that.”

You told him you’d do everything in your power to leave as close to 5pm as you could, and he promised the same in regard to leaving the base. You had stayed on the phone for as long as you could before hanging up. In the beginning of the day, thinking about seeing him had been the only thing getting you through. But by the middle of the afternoon, the snide comments and judgy looks from people had consumed you.

You knew you were strong, and you did everything you could to remind yourself that they were just words, and that these people meant nothing to you. But god, you could only handle so much.

Your last meeting of the day was a departmental one with your whole team, Paul included. You sat as far away from him as you possibly could and avoided eye contact, though you could feel his, as well as everyone else's, on you. Your skin itched at the attention and you resisted the urge to tug at the collar of your blouse. It was made worse by Gretchen telling everyone how she was reassigning one of your favorite accounts to him, a comment about divvying up resources to improve work/life balance. She looked at you directly as she said it, and you didn’t miss the twitch of her lip as she fought off a self-satisfied smile. You have no doubt that it was a dig at how you had said you were overloaded. You tried not to regret standing up to her earlier in the week.

It was the longest hour of the week so far, and when it was over, you were the first one out of your chair. You still had work to do, but after returning to your desk and sitting for almost an hour without accomplishing anything due to how utterly miserable you felt, you just…couldn’t. You kept your head down as you made your way to the elevators, only glancing up once you made it to the lobby. Instantly, your breath caught and your heart rate picked up. You didn’t see his face, but you knew it was Paul standing there, his back to you as he waited for one of the lifts. Before he could spot you, you escaped into the bathroom. You waited for five, and then ten minutes just to be safe. It was after 6:00 when you finally made it down to the parking lot and started toward home.

You had gotten so overwhelmed the latter half of the day, the week catching up with you, that Bradley coming over had almost entirely left your mind. So when you pulled into your driveway and saw him sitting on your porch steps waiting for you, the first tear slipped.

Bradley rose from the porch and was already walking toward you by the time you stepped out of the car. He gave you that devastating smile of his that you knew was reserved just for you, his eyes sparkling in the setting sun.

“Hey you,” he greeted, “I was getting worried.”

You realized then that you hadn’t even bothered checking your phone to see if he had texted or called you before you left the office, and another tear slipped down your cheek.

The last thing you wanted was this: this whole situation having you so stressed that you forget him, or push him to the side. And that’s exactly what had happened today. That place, those people, they were ruining everything. And you were letting them. That, more than anything, upset you.

“Sorry,” you choked out, your voice hitching as the word got stuck in your throat. Bradley’s smile faded at the same time he clocked the dampness on your cheek and heard your apology. His eyes widened as he quickened his stride to you.

“Bug, what-”

“Hey,” Bradley soothed, running a hand up and down your back, never easing his grip on you. “Hey, hey. Baby, what’s wrong? What happened?”

You shook your head, unable to find the words you were looking for. It was like all the stress from the week, the whispers and stares and rumors, hit you all at one time, and you couldn’t stop the tears now that they had started. They silently streamed down your cheeks as you let yourself find comfort in your boyfriend’s embrace, all the emotions slowly slipping out of you as he kept you locked in his arms.

You could hear the concern in his voice as he repeated the question, and you felt so bad for making him worry.

“Sorry,” you stammered, not pulling away. “I’m okay. Sorry.” You tried your best to take a breath, but it came out shaky. Your bottom lip quivered again, more tears spilling.

“No, hey, it’s okay.”

Bradley shushed you gently, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. He stood there holding you, running a large palm up and down your spine, whispering in your ear that it was okay, and to let it out. He didn’t even know what was going on, yet he was an unmoving presence, offering you comfort with no expectations.

When your tears finally dried and your crying transitioned into sniffling instead, you tilted your head back. Bradley moved with you, peering down with concern shining in his brown eyes. You tried to smile, but the most you could manage was a twitch of your lips. There was an urge to say I’m sorry again, which he must have read on your face.

“Let’s get you inside,” he said, before the apology could leave your lips. He kissed your forehead, lingering for a moment. You felt him breathe in against your skin before pulling away. “Come on.”

He scooped up your fallen belongings and guided you to the front door. He unlocked it himself with the keys he had picked up and let you go in before him. He didn’t stop touching you the whole time, his hand firmly on your lower back, and when he locked the door and set your stuff down on the entryway table, he didn’t hesitate to draw you back into his arms. You practically melted against him. The grip he had on you was the only thing keeping you upright, and for a few minutes, you just let yourself be. You felt lighter than you had in days and you knew it was because of him.

Not for the first time, you wondered what you had done to possibly deserve him.

Bradley didn’t rush you, but you eventually detached yourself from him. He squeezed your hips before he released you, encouraging you to go take a shower and put on something more comfortable.

“I’ll order something,” he said when you started to make a comment about cooking for him. He stepped forward again and leant down for the first kiss you had shared since Sunday night. It was only a soft brush of lips, neither of you even attempting to deepen it, but it helped loosen the grip of the remaining anxiety around your throat. The smile you gave him before you walked toward your bedroom was one of the first genuine ones you had mustered all day.

When you came back into the living room, there was food and wine on the coffee table, but no Bradley in sight. You didn’t have a chance to call out for him before your backdoor opened and he came through.

“I took your trash out,” he explained, a small frown on his face. “Did you know your backdoor was unlocked?”

Your eyebrows pinched together at his question. You hadn’t known that. You couldn’t even remember the last time you had gone through it.

“My landlord was supposed to come by and look at the bathroom window,” you said with a shrug, brushing it off even as your earlier anxiety threatened to come back. “He usually comes in through the back when I’m not here. He probably didn’t lock it on the way out. It wouldn’t be the first time, especially since sometimes it looks locked until you tug on it. It’s…quirky.”

“It's sucky, is what it is,” Bradley said, his voice flatter than you had ever heard it. You couldn’t help but huff out a laugh as you agreed with him. “Will you call him tomorrow and make sure? Or I can, if you want?”

“I will,” you promised, accepting the kiss he gave you. “Can we eat?”

Once the pizza he ordered was finished and the glass of wine he had poured you emptied, you crawled onto his lap on the couch. He was warm and solid beneath you.

“Will you tell me what happened?” he asked gently, his calloused fingers brushing your bare thigh. You nuzzled your face into his neck for a moment, inhaling the comforting smell of his skin and the remnants of his cologne.

“Just got overwhelmed, I think,” you whispered. You kissed below his chin before lifting your head enough to meet his eyes. “I feel better now.”

Bradley’s eyes studied you like he was trying to see if you were underplaying it, but you weren’t lying - you did feel better now. Maybe not 100%, but better.

“Are you sure?” he finally asked. You nodded, but you told him about your day anyway, not wanting to keep him in the dark about anything. His jaw clenched when you mentioned one of the new rumors floating around today claiming that you had filed the complaint because you were jealous Paul turned you down when you asked him out. You pressed your lips to the spot where the muscles ticked until he relaxed.

He looked like he was contemplating something by the time you finished your debrief. You waited him out with your fingers running through the soft curls on the top of his head; the motion was something that calmed both of you down.

“You know I’ll take care of you, right?” he asked after a quiet moment, like he was still thinking over how best to say it. “If you wanted to quit now, or if-”

You shifted so that instead of sitting across it, you were straddling his lap. You kissed him soundly in interruption, your skin warm beneath his hands where he cradled you against him. Your forehead laid against his when you pulled away, noses brushing and breaths mingling.

“You already are,” you promised him, voice nothing higher than a whisper. You knew that he didn’t just mean emotionally, and he knew you knew that, too. But he didn’t call you out on it, instead trusting that you would come to him if you needed to. He trusted you, and that meant more than anything. Those words from before played on your tongue again, but you swallowed them back by kissing him once more.

Now wasn’t the time for them, either.

___

You and Bradley spent the weekend together, and just like the ones before, you’re able to forget about work and everything that came with it for the two full days in each other’s presence. When Sunday rolled around, this time you didn’t force yourself to leave when the sun went down. The almost hour drive to your office from Bradley’s apartment on Monday morning wasn’t ideal, but waking up tangled in his sheets with his arm wrapped around you had made it all worth it.

The rumors slowed with the time off, but only marginally. You were still the punch line of several ill-intended jokes and you couldn’t go anywhere without feeling someone’s eyes on you. You lost count of how many raised eyebrows you saw before the person who sent them your way turned to whisper to whoever they were sitting beside.

You wondered how these so-called professionals had nothing better to do with their time. But you also wondered, deep down, why no one believed you. That was one of the toughest pills to swallow.

You had taken to reserving one of the conference rooms during the day, hiding away in there with your laptop between meetings and only venturing back to your desk after the office emptied out in the evenings. By the end of the second week, you were exhausted all over again.

You were lying stretched out on your couch with your feet in Bradley’s lap on Friday night when your phone buzzed with a new text message. You groaned out loud when you opened the group chat with your friend group.

“Oh no.”

Bradley tore his gaze away from the political documentary he had been zoned in for, looking over at you in question. “What’s wrong?”

“I forgot about brunch.”

He raised an eyebrow. “Your monthly meetup?”

Your face softened, warmth spreading through you at the fact that he remembered. You weren’t sure why you were surprised - he had proven time and time again that he remembered damn near anything.

“Yeah,” you confirmed.

He looked thoughtful for a moment, his fingers never ceasing from where they were pressing into the sore soles of your feet. You hadn’t even had to ask for him to rub them, and that in and of itself made pleasure shoot through you at his touch.

“You usually love these things,” he said, not as a question, but simply as stating a fact. “You should go,” he encouraged.

You let the phone fall onto your chest without responding to the messages coming in. You did usually love these outings. You looked forward to them, even. But this time you were tired even at just the idea of it. Your friends tended to be a lot and you were already so overstimulated from the last two weeks of absolute hell at work. The thought of just you and Bradley in a bubble together for two straight days sounded so lovely. You shrugged in reply.

“I don’t really want to go out,” you said, “it’s been a long few weeks.”

“I know it has. But maybe seeing your friends could get your mind off of it?”

“I know someone else who does a great job of that all on his own,” you said, digging your toes into his thigh playfully. He laughed softly, tickling you in retaliation. You squealed at the sensation, trying to get your legs away, but Bradley held onto you and continued his attack. You nearly had tears in your eyes from your laughter by the time he had mercy. He had ended up hovering over you, his arms bracketing you in and holding himself up to avoid crushing you. You let out a hum of pleasure when he kissed you, pouting when he pulled away after just a few seconds. His mustache twitched when he smiled.

“I think you should go,” he told you. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to keep you all to myself. But I think it would be good. Catch up with your friends. Have a mimosa or two. Forget about all the shit going on for a while.”

You considered his words for a moment. Truthfully, the thought of going out caused nervousness to thrum in your chest and your mind to race. It was easier being at home or at Bradley’s apartment.

The more you thought about it, though, the more you realized that by letting that unnerving feeling win, you were letting him win. Paul. You hadn’t felt this kind of uncertainty of living your life until he came along, and that realization made you sad. You loved going out with your friends, and you hadn’t done it in awhile now.

“You’re right,” you said. You leant up to press your lips to his again. “I’ll go.”

It would be fun, and it was just brunch. What was the worst that could happen?

-------------

Part Eight :: Series Masterlist :: Main Masterlist

Notes: Famous words, Bug. Famous words.

I had a scowl on my face writing pretty much this whole chapter because people being mean to Bug make me angry. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! The next one is a goodie!

Likes/comments/reblogs are the best encouragement for posting more🖤

Thank you to Mak and Em for all of your help making this story come to life. And thanks to Mak for the AMAZING banner!

Tag List: @roosterforme @mak-32 @wildxwidow @gretagerwigsmuse @lilyevanswhore @too-fangirl-to-fuction @fav-fanficssss @notroosterbradshaw @teacupsandtopgun @sometimesanalice @sunflowersteves @littlezee80 @je-suis-prest-rachel @khaylin27 @infamous-reindeer @hotch-meeeeeuppppp @yanna-banana @avengersfan25 @wkndwlff @sylviebell @lt-spork @indynerdgirl

@mssleepy876b @kassieesworld @mizzzpink @a-serene-place-to-be @sexualparkour @sadpetalsstuff @almostgenerallyalways @alilstressyandlotdepressy @ccbb2222 @taytaylala12 @shelbycillian @mavrellover91 @vici111 @lunamooncole @blackwidownat2814 @pisupsala @bellaireland1981 @jynxmirage @shanimallina87 @greatszu @na-ta-sh-aa @callsign-magnolia @chaoticassidy

#bradley fic #long post

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mossy-stars · 3 years ago

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Struggle Together - Chapter 3

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Autistic! (fem) Reader Summary: You didn't reply that much to his messages. And you feel guilty. Content/Warnings: Mutual pining, slight angst and fluff. Words: 819

2 weeks passed by since the last meeting of Matt and you. Matt messaged you a few times and you replied, just a nice little chat. You’re an artist and writer but lately work has been stressing you out, resulting in chatting less with Matt. It also makes you sad that you mentally can’t message him that often and that puts you in a circle of repeatingly getting sad.

But he notices that, at first he lets it go that he’s been put on read thinking you’re just busy. But after a while he thinks he did something wrong..

Matt: Hey, I’ve noticed lately you don’t reply as fast or not at all to my messages. Are you busy, or are you not okay..? Did I do something wrong?

You read his message, feeling guilty for not replying that often to him. Now he even feels like he did something wrong! For the first time in a while you reply fast.

You: Hi, sorry for not replying that often, I’m really stressed lately because of work. It’s not because of you..

Matt: Oh I understand now! Would you like to come by my apartment and relax a bit? We could talk about it.. or not :) Whatever you want!

You smile, he’s so kind. You’re not sure if you deserve him. Thinking about the offer you decide that you have to go out of your home eventually, so why not now?

You: I’d like that, can I come by today..?

Matt: Of course! I’m free today so that’s fortunate. But because it’s Friday I’m going out with my work partners at a bar called Josies. We’ll have to discuss that later then :)

You: Yes haha, thanks!

Matt messages his address and you type it in google maps to guide you there. A car is way too expensive in New York. So walking it is. The traditional way.

You grab your apartment keys so you can go home later, then your jacket and head to Matt. Why didn’t you chat with him earlier, because now you notice.. He’s making you happy!

Matt hears footsteps down the street leading to the apartment building and a heartbeat like yours. So he assumes that it’s you. He is in a hoodie and sweatpants because it's ‘lazy day’ today. Thinking he should dress up better for you he opens the door after hearing you knock twice.

You clearly aren't dressed up to impress either. You’re also wearing a hoodie but a red one, unlike Matt’s gray one.

“Welcome! Make yourself at home.” Matt says. You smile and walk in, taking in all the details of his apartment. Then you look outside through the window and there's a huge neon sign. You chuckle. You were already wondering why Matt could afford such a big apartment with his own lawyer practice. But that explains a lot, I mean he’s blind, why would it matter that a huge ugly light is right outside his window.

“Yeah, they told me nobody wanted this apartment so it was priced down.” Matt says walking over to the kitchen and pouring in some water in a glass. You wonder how he can walk so smoothly through his apartment because he’s blind. He doesn’t need a cane? Then again he’s probably very familiar with his own apartment.

“You want water, I can sense you’re extremely dehydrated” Matt half joked.

He hands over the cup and you two sit down on the couch next to the counter of the kitchen. You sigh and take a sip of the water.

Matt looks at you, again you have no idea how he can, with a worried face.

“I was worried, you know..” Matt says looking forward again.

“Sorry.. It isn’t your fault.” You say genuinely. Taking a sip again and continuing.

“I’m really glad you invited me here, you kinda make me happy” you chuckle nervously. Worrying about what Matt would say. But he just lightens up the mood by saying.

“Aww you’re making me melt y/n.” Matt joked sarcastically. You smile and chuckle a little bit.

“HA! I made you laugh!” Matt says proudly tilting his chin up and smirking childishly. Which makes you laugh even more.

“You’re such a dork, Mr. Murdock.” You both chuckle. There settles a silence, but not an awkward one. Just a content one.

You completely forget about time and your worries for a moment. Matt slowly leans into you more and you rest your head on his shoulder. Being so tired from all the stupid stress lately, you quickly get sleepy.

Matt notices your heartbeat getting slower and slower, he mutters something you can’t really hear and then you fall asleep lightly. Head on his shoulder and now also arms around his muscular torso. Was he always that muscular you think to yourself? Doesn't matter he’s warm and cute. Just a moment of sleep.. Uhuh, just a second.

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bonny-kookoo · 4 years ago

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Rabbit Boy | JJK x Reader | 🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Wordcount: 10.3k (Long)

Genre: Romance, Friends/strangers to lovers, Smut, BDSM because I'm making that a genre now

Tags/Warnings: BDSM themes (please I'm begging you stop reading my shit if it makes you uncumfortable), mentions of restrainment, light shibari, edging, orgasm denial (very mild), Subspace, Domspace because yes thats a thing, Dom/sub dynamics, Biting, Oral (m and f receiving), riding, and not the horseback kind if you know what I mean, protected sex yes, we love an organized household, there's just so much sweet filth istg

Summary: Jungkook is wild, untamed, and doesn't really commit to anyone for long. But maybe, you're his only exception in this world. Maybe, you're really that perfect partner he's been looking for.

Jungkook likes to think of himself as an artist.

Sure, if people knew exactly what the young man does in his freetime (or as a side job, don't judge, we all want to make money out of our hobbies stop lying to yourself), they would surely look at him differently.

But he's an artist, nonetheless.

Technically, Jungkook also doesn't need to do what he does simply for the money. No, his main job pays very well- considering that he's one of the top elite in his genre of games. He doesn't just merely play and win a game; Jungkook, just like most things he touches, claims complete ownership of the match he's fighting. It's a well known fact that he's someone who likes things for himself. He loves control, craves to lead, and hates to be belittled.

Oh and yeah- financially, investing in an indie-game three years back had also done his bank account some good.

Now, at an age where he can be fully considered a man, and not a boy anymore, he craves control in different aspects of life- and love.

Jungkook has a problem however.

He's wild.

Not in the way one might think he is (although several people could argue that yes, that's also the case in bed..) but generally. He loves to control- but he hates to be tied down.

And a mindset like that doesn't work well with relationships.

He's had them before, don't get him wrong. He's had numerous in the past, but they all either broke apart because he would hold that particular desire back, making him antsy and moody, or he would welcome his partners into his world, and become uncomfortable with the way things would progress.

No, he doesn't want to experiment. He knows exactly what he wants, and if that means he's 'close-minded' and a bad person, then so be it for him.

He never liked the constant company in his apartment anyways.

"Ah, I've seen her before. She's usually a regular for Yoongi though." Taehyung says, checking a name for Jungkook, who's doodling on a napkin while he waits for his new appointment to show up. "I see. I forgot that Yoongi took some days off recently- that's probably why she's now under your hand." He explains, and Jungkook huffs, his blonde hair tickling his cheek.

"So I'll have to adjust? I mean, Yoongi's style is pretty different from mine." The young man says, not looking up. He simply continues his little sketch of braided hair, while the lanky guy behind the counter clicks away on his laptop.

"Probably? I can't check the logs since they're private, but from what I know Yoongi only did the usual with her." he explains, shrugging as he looks at his friend and colleague. "I can re-schedule her to Hoseok if you want?" He asks, and Jungkook, after finishing his drawing, lets the pen fall and stretches.

"Yeah, that would probably be best. Wouldn't know what to do if she drops- rather not have him rip my head off, thanks." He says, before he gets up.

"Ah- you're still coming over tonight right? Y/N said she's gonna cook for us." He says, and Jungkooks body shivers a little.

Your name is nothing new to him, but the reaction to it most certainly was. You're a friend of Yoongi and Hoseok, having joined in on their gaming nights a few months ago after Yoongi had insisted you couldn't stay alone on a christmas day. Jungkook had never really asked why you were alone in the first place, but he had never really cared much for it either. Sure, you were an absolute gem to look at; technically absolutely his type, but he had early on decided not to pursue anything at all with you. He knew friendship wouldn't stay friendship with you, his own hunger way too large to simply be satiated by platonic gestures-

and he was also sure you wouldn't be able to handle him, truly. The conversation with Jimin, one of your best friends, had changed nothing about that. Because he didn't know you well enough to quite know if you were only bark and no bite- or if you were genuinely craving the same things he did.

But most recently, there had been a change in his opinion on you. Because he had seen you, come out of this place, out of Yoongis studio.

You knew about all of this- and you were still around.

Nothing had changed.

Now, of course he had instantly poked holes into the poor guy about if he had ever played with you before- and the answer he had gotten, had made him even more interested and antsy to get closer to you.

Because while you trusted Yoongi with everything you had, he had never done anything with you. You had simply been interested in watching a scene unfold- and had told him that you were definitely interested in participating. The reason Jungkook couldn't ask you directly was a clear one-

You were majorly intimidated by him, to the point of, he had never really had a proper conversation with you. Partially, he had to admit, because he himself didn't want to involve himself too much with you.

He’d always asked himself; wouldn’t you be even more distant and reserved with him if you knew this side of him? Sure, you always joked around that he probably tied his girls up and edged them until they cried- but did you know that he genuinely enjoyed these things?

Relationships for him were mere covers to call the arrangements he had with the girls that came and went in his life in a constant changing matter. Deep down, no one night stand could satisfy his most carnal desires, and he was very well aware of that. But he rather took what he could get and lived a fever dream for a few moments than stay on his own simply because his idea of pleasure and sex was not the norm.

No, he refused to deny himself that.

Maybe it was because he’d always lived a rather lavish life- with his parents well off and his own career skyrocketing he never really had any worries like you have had in the past. For some odd reason, while looking at the soft red rope in his hands, his thoughts suddenly went astray; he knew he could give you the stability you oh so craved, in every way shape and form. You were a diamond simply waiting to be perfected- you had so much potential, knowing that you were secretly wandering around the same paths as he did made him even more frustrated.

The hints were there, they were obvious; from the way you had sighed out in bliss when he’d teasingly pulled your hair just hours ago, to the sinful confessions he’d heard that night when he overheard you and jimin by accident. Of course he’d maybe wasted a thought or two of you underneath him to humor him once or twice- but now with the rope in his hands, his mind immediately began painting pictures of it against your skin. Would you enjoy it? And what if he took your sight, or only bound your hands? What if he denied you to cum, or if he took you from behind, grabbing your hair and pushing down your spine to make it arch so prettily- never with the intend to hurt, of course. He knew he’d have to tame you first, make you submit, but then again, he loved the challenge.

You made even the idea of touching fun.

He wouldn't even have to undress you to fully get himself worked up, he was sure of that. Only seeing you bow to his very command would be enough to satisfy him. Of course, over the course of time he would lead you deeper and deeper into his rabbit hole, but he would take it slow for you.

So, with a smile, and a wave of his hand, he walked past the girl he knew had been his appointment- grinning at Taehyung. "Of course I'll be there."

He wouldn't dare miss a night with you.

You were stressing. A little.

Maybe.

Maybe a lot.

Everything would've been fine if they guys would've all come over. But due to the bad weather, and Taehyungs bad habit of never properly fixing his god-forsaken dumpster of a car, only one of them would be able to make it. And of course the one had to be Jeon Jungkook.

Just great.

Now, it wasn't like you didn't like the guy, no way. The problem was more, that he was on the exact opposite of that spectrum. You had a major crush on him, which felt like the plot to a really bad drama show you would watch drunk at night- and in a way, it really felt like one too. Because you were pretty sure, he didn't even know your name.

But oh well- apparently he knew more than that. More specifically, your phone number. And it had scared the shit out of you at first to receive a message from him because how the hell did he get your number, but then again you remembered that one of your connections was Kim Taehyung- and everyone knew what he knew.

It was the doorbell that ripped you out of your skin almost.

You didn't even change, deciding any effort would be too late anyways; and you were still heavily confused in the first place why the fuck he would come over alone, even though you two had never exchanged much more than a friendly hello and goodbye. But there he was, as you opened the door- soft, white hoodie and ripped jeans, a bit damp from the rain outside as you let him inside.

He didn't move.

"Uh-" You started, but he just looked at you, friendly as ever, although a teasing glint in his eye made you frown a bit.

He thought it was cute.

"You didn't tell me to come in." He said, and you blinked once, twice, before your brain had properly restarted.

"Oh uh- come in?" You said, again, moving a bit to the side so he could walk in- which he still didn't. "Jungkook come on now its fucking cold-!" You whined, and he laughed, finally stepping inside. Had he always been like that? Could very well be the case, after all, you had never truly paid much attention to his behavior before.

"Thanks for letting me come over." He said, and you watched him as he untied his boots. "I had nothing else to do- and also, I didn't want you to waste any food, considering Tae said you cooked for us." He explained, before he got up again from his half kneeling position, boots now standing next to your significantly smaller shoes.

"Ah, it would've been fine, you guys don't have to feel bad." You waved off, smiling. "I was about to stop cooking anyways when Jimin had texted me, but well, then you did and uhm.." You drifted off, noticing how you were suddenly waiting for him to lead the way.

In your own apartment.

What the hell?

If he noticed however, he didn't show it. He simply smiled, and moved his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie. "Ah, thanks. I appreciate it, really." He said, and you smiled at him as well, walking towards the main area of your apartment. It was small, very small compared to his own, but he enjoyed the feeling of it. Everything around him reminded him of you, in a way; from the pictures taped to the walls, to the stickers on your fridge. It all held a piece of you in it. "Your apartment is really nice, by the way." He commented, and you turned around, before getting plates and cutlery to bring inside the living room.

"Ah, right, it's your first time here." You said. "Thanks- the living room is right around the corner there, you can just sit down and I'll bring everything there." You explained, and he smiled, nodding without arguing.

You liked that.

Typically, there would've been this awkward 'oh no let me help you', but Jungkook didn't seem to dwell on it much, letting you do your thing instead of butting in and making things weird. He simply walked where you had directed him, sitting down on the couch as he went to place a blanket to the side. His fingers moved over the fabric for a moment, noticing how everything on the couch, including the pillows, were made of that same, soft material.

Interesting.

"Oh- you can just put that to the side, sorry I forgot to clean that up." You said, putting the food onto the table as he just smiles again. He waits for you to sit down as well before you turn up the TV volume a little, nerves finally setting in as you notice there's almost nothing you can talk to him about. "This is awkward." You comment, and he chuckles at that swallowing his bite as he looks at you.

"Doesn't have to be." He states, before he turns his body a bit more into your direction; a visible sign that he wants a conversation. "Tae has never mentioned what you do for a living." He states, an unasked question of his. He lets you decide if you want to take it as one or leave it as a statement- it makes you feel nice, in a way.

"Ah uh.. it's really boring, so I guess I never really talk about it either.." You say, and he tilts his head a little, a silent urging for you to continue. You feel insignificant next o him and his job however. He's superior to you in any way, and you don't want him to feel pity or laugh at you for your job. "I uh.. I'm a programmer for a.. pretty unknown game studio." You say, body almost shrinking in on itself as you wait for his reaction. Much to your surprise however, he makes a sound that's purely surprise, as he swallows his bite with a bit of urgency.

"Fuck really?! That's so cool though!" He argues, brows furrowed a bit as he playfully accuses you with his next words. "Indie or not, a programmer is the main force of any game. Did you work on any games I might know of?" He asks, eyes sparkling as he realizes he had finally found something to bond with you over.

"Uh.. 'Rabbit Boy' was our best hit until now.." You say, still a bit shy, but you're also a tad more confident now. His reaction is either well-staged, or he's genuinely interested in what you do.

"I played it I think. It was a bit short, but I loved the mechanics." He says, and before he can quite stop himself, his hand has already reached out to you, running over your hair as he praises you like second nature. "Wuah, so smart!" He says, before he gets a reaction he wouldn't have thought he'd get from shy-you.

Because you playfully shove him, your socked feet pushed against the side of his thigh as you giggle at him.

Interesting, again.

Now, Jimin has actually told him about this before. How you were anything but the shy girl when you were around people you knew and trusted. He had believed it- to an extend- because he had also thought that maybe you were like that to prove your spot between those guys. As the only girl, you easily got thrown under the bus, so you had to somehow own your spot in the midst of your circle of friends.

However, it seemed like you were truly just a brat, hiding behind that innocent facade of yours. A barking dog, with every intent to bite if needed.

And Jungkook knew, he'd love to tame you, show you your spot, and make you his prey.

The trashy movie your watching bores you, in a way. Jungkook has noticed this already, having taken note of your feet wiggling around, your teeth nibbling on the inside of your cheek, as you rest your cheek on your hand, elbow resting on the side of the couch.

“I don’t know why she’s so hesitant.” You mutter, pouting as you slump into the couch- uncaring that the side of your body now leans against his own. He feels your warmth- and for some reason it brings him comfort to notice that you’re seemingly growing more at ease. “I mean, it’s what she’s into, right?” You say, brows furrowed as you watch the screen.

“It’s not that simple.” Jungkook explains, trying to not make it obvious that he’s not necessarily talking about the movie. “Some men like to you know.. fight for a partner. Impress them. Win them over.” He explains, and he can feel you shift a little- until your head raises a bit, watching him as he watches you; gazes locked, and you can’t look away. You’re shy, you’re growing restless, but his eyes are like magnets; there’s no way you can avert your gaze.

“And.. you?” You ask, voice not loud at all, as if you don’t even notice you’re saying it. He loves that- loves the fact that you’re slowly letting him closer- not only physically.

“I like to earn my spot in their lives.” He states, and your mind suddenly begins to spin. You’ve always seen him as someone who doesn’t care much about emotions or feelings, or relationships for that matter. And maybe he doesn’t- maybe he just says this because he knows your weak spots. But the way his words fall into your ears makes you believe him. “I like to see my partner thrive; I love to see them grow. And..” he says, boldly deciding to slowly reach out his hand that was placed on the back of the couch- his fingers running through your hair, only brushing through, never pulling (no matter how much you’re craving it secretly). “I love to see them let go.” He humms out, and there’s a sudden shiver down your back, one that he definitely notices.

This is it. This is where you’ll let him touch you, let him wreck you, let him ruin you. You lean in closer, and so does he, but just when your lips are about to touch, he smiles gently- a warm affectionate gesture that you’ve never seen from him. And with it being directed at you, it’s even more meaningful- but it’s all about his next move, the way his inked fingers trace your cheek, before he speaks.

“You’re not ready yet.”

And with that, he turns back to the TV.

You huff, and it's the first time you know exactly what you're doing. You knew from Yoongi what Jungkook did in his freetime- you knew that this stuff was his expertise. Defeated, you looked down towards your knees, as your thoughts start to grow more and more frustrated. He probably didn't even see you like that, having only visited you out of pity, and not because he wanted to see you.

You were probably already friendzoned, and he was too nice to outright say it into your face. It made your emotions turn sour as the situation grew more and more awkward for you.

"What're you thinking about?" He asks, and you don't answer. What was there to say anyways? You really didn't want to have this weird conversation where he would tell you that oh yeah you're a nice girl, but he's not the right guy, the usual stuff you've already heard time and time again. "Y/N." He says, his voice dropping a little, but you only chew on the inside of your cheek again, eyes moving towards the TV screen. You didn't want to talk- you just hoped he would now sigh and get up, leaving so you could forget about all of this. You could maybe fake being sick for the next week or so to avoid him, yeah, that would be enough time to gloss over this entire situation. But he only clicks his tongue, hands suddenly moving your legs as he moves your body to face him.

Looking at his face is your first mistake.

His eyes are dark and almost angry, irritated as he looks as you. His jaw is clenched, and his hands stay on your knees for a moment, before he's sure enough that he has your attention. Only then does he speak, his voice nowhere near as soft and light as it had been before. "I know what you're thinking, and I don't like it." He says, and that's when you make your second mistake.

"Can we not right now? You don't know shit." You say, and he stares you down for a moment, until his head tilts a slight bit, eyes growing predatory as the corners of his lips tilt upwards. It resembles a small smile, yes, but it's not meant to be one. No, the first thing you have to think about is a wolf snarling at you, ready to put his packmate into their place for acting out.

It makes your spine tingle.

"Hm, maybe, but we can be classy about it, no?" He asks, and you scoff, trying to move your legs away from him, as he scans you.

At this point, he can see clearly that you're testing him.

So he gets up promptly, moving you around so you're standing in front of him. His inked hand finds your hair, gripping without mercy as he pulls your head back, your gaze now forced to stay on his as he calmly speaks. "You think I'm not into you like that- and you're as wrong as you could ever get." He says, biting his tongue as to not let a petname slip. He'd love to use them, but he knows that it's not yet time. That would be foul play, in a way; he doesn't want to seduce you.

He wants to make you understand.

"Trust me when I say I'd love to just throw you over my legs to spank that attitude out of you right now." He explains, and you whine- not in pain, but simply as a reaction to his confession. "But you don't know what you're getting yourself into." He continues, and pulls a bit to interrupt your next words. You know that you can get free any second you want to- but for some reason, there's no urge to do so. "You think of this as some game to play, you think of yourself as someone who can take all of it at once, but you don't even get the simplest and most important things about this entire thing." You swallow, as you stay still, finally giving up your fight as he relaxes the grip he still has on you. "Even now, it's not me controlling this situation. Its you." He says, letting go of you as his hands rest on your cheeks, eyes searching for any clues of discomfort. Only when he finds none, does he continue. "I will only ever have as much control over you as you're willing to give to me." He smiles again, this time, warm and comforting. "If you're really willing to do this, we will do this right. You'll have to trust me first, and I'll have to get to know you fully first, before anything else happens. Understood?" He asks.

And you nod.

"Do you know what you just agreed to?" He chuckles, and, shyly, you shake your head.

"See?" He grins, breaking skincontact with you. "You're not ready yet."

His brows furrow when he sees you sitting on the counter, Taehyung talking to you. "What're you doing here?" He asks, and you pout, as Taehyung moves away, not wanting to get involved into anything this time. "Stop that face. We talked about this last week, why're you here now?" He asks, and you tilt your head innocently.

"Maybe I'm here for Yoongi?" You say, and his eyes grow darker for a second, before he composes himself.

"Good try, but he's still off work." He states, and you deflate a bit.

"I just.. wanted to see, I guess." You say, and he smiles a bit impishly.

"Oh? I mean, I have a scene in twenty minutes.." He asks, and internally, you cringe. No, you don't want to see him screw or even touch another woman in the ways you secretly want him to touch you instead. No, you're technically here to maybe talk him into show you at least a little bit. But it doesn't seem like he'll cave in anytime soon, so you sigh out.

"Okay, okay, I'll see you around, I guess." You say, hopping down from the counter before you take a step towards the exit.

"Ah well, I'll drive you home then." He states, and you grow confused as he leans against the counter. "Seeing as my scheduled appointment wants to leave, I have time off." He states, and you skin tingles. "Come on now, before I change my mind." He states, as he walks you outside again, leading you towards his car.

"I didn't mean to turn up so.. I don't know. Sorry." You said, and he gets into the drivers seat, shaking his head.

"I can understand you, trust me." He says, as he starts the engine and drives off. "If you're okay with it, I'd like to get something from my apartment, and then drive to yours." He says, and you tilt your head.

"Why not to the studio, or your place?" You ask, and he nods.

"While those are places I feel comfortable, they're unfamiliar to you. It's best if we start in a place that's comforting and gives you a sense of security." He states, and you nod.

Jungkook, in your eyes, never really seemed as mature as he's acting in those moments. It's as if he switches every time you two change topics; any time this particular one comes up, his mood changing into a serious one. Now, you're not stupid, you know the risks- and of course you had somewhat done your research online about the damages that could occur during all of this. And there's also the not too little chance it really isn't something for you after all- and in a way, that scares you. Because you want jungkook, but what if you don't want.. this?

Instead of voicing that out, you simply keep quiet as he gets out the car, and inside again after fetching what looks like an overnight bag. "You're staying over?" You ask, and he simply throws it on to the backseat.

"Maybe. We'll see." He says, and you don't question him as he drives. "Let's get something to eat. What're you craving?" He asks, as he keeps his attention on the road. He notices how you seem to think, already able to practically see the gears turning inside your head. "Don't think about what I could want. I asked what you want." He says, calmly, and so soft, that you simply let your words out.

"Tae usually get's me food.." You start, and Jungkook nods, as if understanding. You watch him smile a little.

"Let's get some junk food and eat it in the car." He simply states, and you nod, happy that he seemingly really did get what you were trying to say. For you, things like these were almost like rituals- like you and tae getting random icecream just to hurry home every time to not have it melt.

Maybe this would become a memory only for you and Jungkook.

"You're nervous." Jungkook says, speaking out what's obvious. You don't know what he'll do, you're confused whats in his bag- you're nervous, just like he said. "Why is that?" He asks, casually sitting on your bed with you. He had earlier told you not to panic-clean it; he was not there to be impressed. He was simply a visitor for now, nothing more, nothing less. You shrugged. There were a lot of reasons you were nervous. "If you want this to work, I need to have proper communication with you. Guessing will get me nowhere." He says, but his voice is not upset. He's simply informing you.

"I.. don't know what you'll do?" You say, and He smiles, sitting more comfortably, as he shows you his open hands.

"I'm not gonna do anything for the moment." He tells you, and you shrug.

"But wasn't that the plan?" You ask him.

"What would you want me to do then?" He asks instead, not answering your question. He's testing you, he want's to know if you really are aware of everything. He's also not only asking you about what you want him to do to you- but with you, as well. He was unsure if you wanted to romantically involve yourself with him, or simply explore something new at his side.

He's afraid he'd be okay with either, just because its you.

"Are you going to tie me up?" You ask, and Jungkook grins, before he laughs. You're growing shy, unsure, and he instantly makes sure you know he's simply laughing about what you said, not about you. His hand holds yours- and it's weirdly reassuring.

"No, although I can imagine you looking very pretty in that position." He says. "No, come here." He says, lays down on the bed, and you stay where you are, with reasonable distance between you two. "I want you to come as close to me as you feel comfortable. Don't force it- take your time. I'm not expecting anything, please remember that." He tells you calmly, not looking at you to give you mental distance from him as well. His eyes are actually closed, his body relaxed.

You don't move for a moment. You want to test how long he can really play this patient role- but after around five or ten minutes, he's still not moving. He's not even saying anything, and you're unsure if he's asleep or not.

There's only one way to find out.

You carefully lay down a little away from him, on your side, simply looking at him. It's weird to see him like that; you've always imagined him to be a very dominant and demanding person, from what you've heard and seen of him. But Jungkook doesn't feel like any of the guys you've been with; he also doesn't feel like Taehyung, or Yoongi, or Hoseok.. Jungkook, weirdly enough, feels comfortable. He's relaxed, and laid back, and still has that slight glint of power over you.

You move closer, your curiosity getting the best of you as scenes and pictures of him holding you fill your head. Is he even a cuddler? You can't imagine him being all soft and sweet for gestures like that, but then again, you didn't really think you'd ever be in a situation like this either. Maybe you were judging a book by its cover.

He smells nice- that's one of the first things you notice once you get closer. One of his arms is stretched out to the side- his tattooes visible, but partially hidden by his sweater sleeve. You want to look at them, so you test the waters- by touching his arm, just a small poke with your finger. You can see the corners of his lips twitch; he's definitely awake. You move his arm a little, inside facing you as you get a detailed look at his artworks. They're detailed, they fit him, the dark Ink a stark contrast to his skin.

His sweater seems soft.

You slowly lay down again, your head resting on his biceps as you simply lay for a moment.

This is nice.

You feel more and more bold with every minute that passes, not even minding the way he sometimes moves around. You're growing at ease, so much so, that you simply throw all hesitation out of the window, and cuddle up to him. one of your hands is on his chest, while your head rests ontop of the inside of his shoulder.

This is really nice.

"Are you falling asleep?" He asks, voice not loud at all, as his arm moves, palm resting on your forearm as he holds you. You don't mind it- you feel relaxed enough to really actually do fall asleep- so you nod. "That's good." He tells you.

"But didn't you bring stuff to try?" you ask, and Jungkook nods.

"We got time. A small nap is always a good idea." He tells you, and you simply nod- making him smile.

He's glad.

Because by falling asleep on him like that, you don't even know how much you've complimented him at all. You're relaxed enough around him, comfortable enough to let him close to you in a vulnerable state such as sleep. It makes him wonder how far you'd let him go- would you let anyone get so close so quickly? A sudden rush of protectiveness curses through his body, fills him up, as he swears he can't let you go now. No, what if someone else gets you like this? What if someone takes advantage of your open mind like that? He doesn't even want to imagine.

Jungkook really has it bad.

You slowly wake up to a bit of weight on your face. "jungkook what're you doing?" you giggle, and he chuckles as well as he takes the hand away from over your eyes. He looks well rested, with his eyes still not fully open.

"Nothing." He says. "Just teasing." He says, but of course, nothing he does is just random teasing. Everything he does is calculated- it's to test you, to study you, to make sure he gets to know you. "Are you hungry?" He asks instead.

"Not for food."

He has to let that process for a moment, until he laughs. He's really got it with you, he thinks, as he suddenly moves, eyes dark, while he's now ontop of you, his hands holding your wrists. Expecting you to look surprised, he finds none of that however. It intrigues him, the way you don't seem to be nervous or fearful at all. It makes him wonder what you'd really do to him if he was to advance in ways he wanted to. "Careful, sweetheart." He says, and your eyes sparkle with a silent challenge.

"Or what?"

His grip gets a bit tighter at that, eyes a bit darker. "Someone's eager." He says lowly. "Don't you think you're biting off more than you can chew right now?" He asks, before he clicks his tongue, slowly falling into his own headspace. He knows however not to let himself slip. "Give me a random word." He asks, demands, and you say whatever finds your mind in that moment.

"Bunny." You say.

He raises his eyebrow for a second, but doesn't question it. "I want you to say that, loud and clear, as soon as you feel uncomfortable." He lectures you seriously. "It doesn't matter what it is. Physically, or mentally, or if you simply don't want me to continue because. I need you to tell me that you will say it." His gaze is intense, and you nod. "I promise you; I'll never get mad, or upset, or angry, or disappointed with you. My ego isn't worth your safety." He humms out at the end, and your eyes soften.

He notices it instantly, and it affects him more than he'd like to admit.

"I promise I'll say it if I need to." You tell him, and he grows comfortable again.

"Can I touch you?" He asks, softly, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a yes. "Remember; I'll only ever have as much power and control over you as you will give me." He mumbles, head now dipped down to ghost his lips over the skin of your neck. "But once you give it to me-" He says, his knee situating itself in between your legs to spread them in a silent command. "-I won't give it back." He growls, before he bites down, releasing the skin after hearing your delicate mewl, kissing the spot as if to apologize.

He's not sorry.

"Let me ask you.." He says, feeling you rut against his leg that's pressed against your center. "what do you really want from me?" He asks, and you open your eyes, movements slowly coming to a halt as you notice the way he looks at you.

He almost looks uncertain.

"I.." You want him. You know that- you want all of his bad habits and weird quirks. You want to get to know him and everything that comes with it. Hell, he was the main reason you even got into the entire scene in the first place. "You." You say, deciding its best to practice honesty.

"Me?" He asks, genuinely a little confused.

You nod. "Yeah. You." You say. It's a little weird, the whole situation, but you don't mind it. Your hands slowly slip out of his grasp, before they instead intertwine their fingers with his. He feels weirdly caught off guard by the gesture- his past encounters and relationships never having included things like these. So much so, that Jungkook genuinely believed those things to be simple movie-gestures. Overdone, and not realistic. "Like uhm.. if you want to. If you just want to, you know, I.. guess I'd be okay with that too-" You say, looking away, as Jungkook answers.

"I want you too." He answers, eyes searching yours for any glimmer of dishonesty. But he doesn't find it- there is none. There's just you. "I really want you too." He murmurs out, getting closer, before he lets himself loose, his lips finding yours.

He's never been a fan of kissing, but he can very much already imagine kissing you for hours.

Its not just you letting go in that moment, its him too.

Because unbeknownst to you, he's not just opening you a door to his world of unspoken fantasies-

He's also opening his heart as well.

Your first time together is slow and comfortable.

It happens just a day after you had both decided to pursue an actual relationship with one another. He's gentle, careful, but not hesitant. He's exploring.

Inside of his head, he notes down every noise and every twitch of muscle. You sigh as he eats you out, the small ponytail of his unable to hold onto all of his hair as his eyes are partially hidden behind the blonde strands. He's watching you, his fingers having already stretched you out, but then he sits up. You whine, with him having stolen your release for a second time. "Let's play a little, yeah?" He says with an amused yet calm tone. You're already unable to do much about your position; your wrists bound to your bed over your head, carefully tied knots comfortable against your skin, as long as you don't pull. "Legs open." He calls out as you try and close them, and you whine again; testing his patience as you still go ahead and disobey his command. He watches, moves forward, before he pulls them apart again. "You want to cum, no?" He asks, and you nod, frustratedly so. "I wonder what made you think you've earned that reward from me." He tells you, eyes scanning your form as you pull on your restraints a little. He's not fully into his own headspace yet- he's still very much on high alert to notice any signs of discomfort coming from you.

He has to learn just as much as you do.

"You're lucky you're so sweet." He says, before he crawls closer again, his hand on your center, as he enters you with two fingers. Its not enough, but then his thumb draws circles on your clit- and you're approaching, quickly. "Hm? Won't you cum?" And then you say it.

"Can I?"

It's so desperate, so needy, so submissive, that it sends a chill down his spine. He moves closer, kisses your neck, as he can't help but let the rush of it get to him. He is, after all, just as desperate for release. No matter if its his, or yours.

"Such a good girl, of course you can." He tells you. "What a sweet one, such good manners.." He teases playfully, and you tug at your restraints as you come undone under his hands. He unties your wrists and you're holding onto him as soon as you're free, and he lets you hold onto him in your post orgasmic bliss.

Its after a moment that you realize it.

"Wait-" You say, sitting up to look at him. "You- I mean, you didn't get to-" You start, but Jungkook waves it off.

"Its fine, really." He tells you, and you know he's serious. "I'll just wait until it goes down, or take care of it in your bathroom if thats okay with you." He says, patting the side next to him to lay down on. "Come here." He asks, and you comply, before you speak again.

"You.." You start, not looking at him. "Could just take care of it here." You say. "Or I could.." you start, and he looks at you.

"Do you want that, or do you only feel like you have to?" He asks, and you shrug. You take some time, before you answer.

You've seen most of Jungkook until now. From his strong arms, his back, his inked skin, to his thighs and legs. You have seen all- but that. And you've never really considered giving anything back in that way to anyone because of one single embarrassing moment- but with Jungkook, for some reason, you wanted to try.

"I want to." You say, and he nods. "But I don't know how.." You say, and he smiles reassuringly.

"I'll guide you." He tells you, before he scans your face. He's never really felt that desired- at least not in the way he does in that moment with you. "You can take it out for starters." He says, and you nod, before you hesitate a little.

Jungkook is nice, when it comes to that. He's patient, always lets you do the pacing for now, until you trust him enough. This is only the start, after all. You stay cuddled up to his side, but your hand ventures towards his sweats, where you can see his prominent erection still waiting. Slowly, you push the fabric down, both his sweats and boxers underneath- his hips lifting a bit to make it easier for you, until he's freed from his clothes.

You've never really thought much about looks when it came to that department, but Jungkook was, in each and every way, highly attractive. Now you knew, that there was literally nothing about him you didn't desire.

Your first touches are a little hesitant, testing the waters, and Jungkook tries not to react too much to it to give you time. Its when you start to move your hand however, that he closes his eyes, head now completely resting on the pillows beneath as he just decides to enjoy what you might give him. His hips twitch upwards a little after you'd run your thumb over the head, precum glistening while your hand uses it as lubricant to move more smoothly.

He sighs out.

And you grow bold at that, moving to sit up and escape out of his embrace, before you dip down to feed your curiosity. As your tongue touches his skin, his muscles contract, the action not expected since he didn't look what you were doing. You've been told once before that you're not.. the best at this- but Jungkook made you want to try. If you would've looked, you would've spotted the intense stare that Jungkook had been sending your way; mesmerized by the way you tucked your hair behind your ear oh so sweetly, before you let a drop of saliva escape from between your lips, taking him in soon after it had dropped onto his awaiting length.

You really were something else.

He'd gotten head time and time before, and it was never something he didn't like- but he'd also rarely ever cared that much emotionally about the person giving it to him. It's weird, how an emotional connection can make you so much more sensitive to things- such as in that moment, as your tongue moved over his skin while inside your warm mouth, lips heavenly on his cock.

He couldn't imagine what it would be like to be inside you.

There's nothing he could teach you, nothing he could tell you to do, as you moved, sucked and licked. He was breathing heavily already, his hand finding yours as you hold onto it. He sits up, can't help it, has to somehow touch you while you're not letting go of your task. His palm escapes your hand, rests on your head instead, runs through your hair before it grips a little. You moan, vibrations making him throw his head back as he groans out, feeling his end coming closer. "If you don't want to swallow, let go." He grits out, but you suck harder instead, and its when your hand finds his balls that he lets himself fall back onto the mattress beneath, shooting his load into your mouth as you swallow it down.

He's on cloud nine.

You're thoughtful enough to pull his underwear and pants back up, laying on your stomach next to him, waiting, watching, with impish eyes. He looks so radiant, so relaxed, so at ease. It fills you with a weird sense of pride; since in a way, its your doing. "Why did you tell me you don't know how to do that." He comments, rather than asks, slowly calming his breathing back down. His eyes open, hand pushing some hair out of your face. "Thank you. That was amazing." He says, and you shrug.

"Thanks for the compliment." You say, looking at him.

"I have a request." He says, and you nod. "Not like that." He teases, making you blush. "No, but seriously." Jungkook knows that you've been with other people before. It scares him to know that some of your experiences might not have been good- he knows some absolute horror stories Taehyung had told him. "I want you to take all that you've experienced with your former partners.. all those moments, emotions, bad memories, all of it." He tells you, hand now resting on your cheek- a gesture in which you lean into. "And throw them away. Forget them." He tells you.

"This is a new start, for both of us."

"How many clients have you been with?" You ask, casually sitting on the kitchen counter as Jungkook washes the dishes. Its your first night in his apartment, and you're more comfortable than you thought you'd be.

"None." He tells you, and you're ready to snort out a laugh, but he doesn't look at all like he's joking. Seeing your confusion, he continues while scrubbing a plate. "None of us actually have sex with our clients. Some only come to talk, really- others come to let go." He explains, and you nod. "I've never touched, nor been with someone intimately during a scene." He tells you.

"So you had scenes with your partners then?" You ask, and he shrugs.

"In the beginning, yeah." He admits, shrugging. "But I eventually gave up on it. It's not something a lot of people find very appealing. It all looks great in theory, but when practiced, most find its not for them." Draining the sink, he dries his hands on the dish towel, before putting it in its proper place.

"Could you.. imagine a relationship without it?" You ask, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"Not really." He looks at you after a moment. "Its who I am, and its how I love. I can't change that." He tells you, and you nod. Its understandable really, and you like that he has clear lines he likes to follow. It's weirdly comforting to know that he has his life so under control- its all you've ever wanted really.

It's something Jungkook might be able to give you.

It was weird, the feeling of the rope against your skin. He’d been right about it earlier; it wasn’t rough or itchy at all. But maybe that was just because it was him doing it. Maybe he was simply fogging up your senses.

It would make sense.

“Okay?” He humms out, voice gentle and calm while he stops his hands for a moment, palm on your shoulder where it warms up your skin. You’re unsure what okay really means- okay like, he’s finished? Or is he asking if you’re okay? Or is he asking for permission? “Speak to me- don’t just think.” He says, eyes watching you in such a manner that made your slightly trembling body calm down.

“I’m not sure what- what you mean by, okay.” You say, and he smiles, eyes roaming over your body for a moment, but surprisingly not in a way that would make you feel exposed. You’re almost naked, after all- only your most private parts hidden from his sight. You can see the very evident tent in his pants; but he doesn’t seem like he’s frustrated or fazed about it.

“Good Job telling me.” He says first and foremost, and you start to feel warm inside. “I was asking if you were okay. Do you remember your colors?” He asks, and you nod, before verbally answering him with a ‘yes’. He nods again, a hand running over your head, fingers running through your hair affectionately. “Good. I’ll finish the last knots now- remember you can stop at any time. Don’t hesitate.” He says, and you nod.

He grabs the rope again; the tiny fact that he’d chosen one in your favorite color making you feel.. well, you didn’t know. You could feel your nose sting, before it shot into your eyes, making them water; something that Jungkook immediately noticed. “Color?” He asks, and you shake your head.

“Green, Green, I’m okay-“ you say, but you can’t stop the tears. He’s quick to sit down in front of you after tying the last knot- and it’s the first time you quietly look at them. They’re so delicate, so well done, but there’s no time to dwell on it as he lifts you chin gently.

“Talk to me.” He says, hands on your shoulders to give you some sense of stability. You’re safe, you don’t feel bad, but just..

“I don’t know. There’s so much-“ you begin, and he softly smiles, as if you’re not currently completely bound with no chance of proper movement. You take a deep breath, holding it before you release again, silently following the advices he’d given you prior. “Why do I feel so.. comfortable? I feel safe even though I’m in such a dangerous situation- I’m.. this is weird isn’t it, I should be.. I don’t know. Why’re you not doing anything? Wasn’t this supposed to be like, a sex session or something I don’t get it-“ you babble, and he lets you, before he speaks.

“You still don’t quite get it, do you?” He asks, and your glistening eyes stare up at him. “I don’t need something as simple as sex to feel satisfied.” He explains, and you nod, even though you don't quite understand. "I feel euphoric right now, even though you probably won't quite believe me." He says, his smile evident as his fingers trace the knots on your skin. It's there that you see it; the glimmer in his eyes, something you've never seen before with someone else. "The fact that you let me do this, it's all I need." He humms out. He looks at you, a silent question, and you take a deep breath.

You don't quite know what you're doing. Its weird- but seeing him like that makes you feel weightless. It happens slowly, you don't quite grasp what it is, but the feeling is nice. It's like letting go- like standing on the highest platform of the universe and just jumping down. And when you open your eyes, all you see is him.

He can't take his eyes off of you.

He's seen it often enough to spot it, knows what it looks like, but it still holds such a deep meaning to him to see you fall into your subspace for the very first time. You're so beautiful like that, so ethereal and enchanting as you lean forward to get closer to him. He's careful you dont accidentally hurt yourself with the big scissors on the bed close by- emergency equipment to release you asap if needed.

He knows escape is the furthest thing on your mind right now.

Able to do anything he'd want with you, he's not like that however. He's responsible enough to let you float for a moment, before he speaks to you again. "Baby?" He asks, and you nod, nuzzling his shoulder as he holds you close. "You're doing so good. Can you do something for me baby?" He questions again, and you nod, not parting from him however before he talks again. "Can you sit straight for a moment? Just like that, good girl." He praises as you instantly follow his command. "I got you, okay? I got you, you're safe." He repeats, as he slowly unties your body. It's careful reassuring and slow movements that make it possible to untie you- too quickly could make you drop; a state of sudden shift in mental state, that could send you straight into distress. Jungkook doesn't ever want to be the cause of that for you.

You're underneath him, and he's careful, as he undresses after placing the scissors onto the bedside table where it cant lead to any accidents. He also reaches inside the table, pulling out a condom from a box safely stored, before he gets himself ready.

Not even for a second is his attention not on you however.

"Hands up baby." He commands, and you do as he wants, already squirming as he advances towards you, fingers stretching you out as you grow huffy at the prospect of being edged again. He's quick to catch on though. "Hm, I'm not gonna be mean baby." He tells your fuzzy mind. "But I gotta get you ready, no?" Fingers steadily helping you relax, he waits until he deems you ready.

You struggle to keep your hands up as he enters you, but your mind is adamant on keeping his command. He groans out, kisses your neck, as he slowly begins to move lazily. It's enough for pleasure- but not enough to make you cum. "Good fucking girl. Look at you. My baby." He chants, and something inside you stirs at the last words.

His Baby.

You're his.

He wants you.

It makes you whine as he chuckles, nipping at your skin. "You can touch me baby, good job." He says, and your hands are instantly around his neck. You're mumbling something, but its not words. It's not coming out the way you think it does, and Jungkook doesn't mind, doesn't care. Its another one of those things fueling him up, urging him on.

You're his perfect puzzle piece.

He lets go.

"Turn around princess." He says breathless, and you follow his instructions eagerly. His hand rests on the back of your neck for a moment, leaves its place for a second to move your hair away from your face, before he gently pushes down. He's inside in a heartbeat, this time thrusting with more strength.

Something overcomes him that hasn't happened before.

Usually, this position is what he loves most- and yet, it's not what he wants. He wants you, he wants you close, he cant touch you enough. His arms snake around your torso, just underneath the bottom of your breasts, as he pulls you towards him. Your back arches so prettily, and he gasps out, breathing heavy as he continues his attack on your neck. "You're mine." He growls out, can't keep it inside anymore, his grip on you tightening. "Mine." His thrusts stutter, his hand reaches for your center, desperate fingers helping you find your release. It coats your thighs, stains the bed, and he pushes himself as deep as he can once he finishes himself.

He's breathing heavily, he's out of his mind, running on autopilot as his hands still hold you. He pulls out after a moment, a whine from you getting reassured by his own voice, before he leaves the bed, getting a warm damp washcloth ready for you. He's careful, gentle, seems to caress your skin more than clean it, places kisses every now and then and sends praises your way.

"How do you feel?" He asks, voice low and caring as he continues his aftercare.

"Like you love me a lot." You sleepily say, eyes still foggy, and he smiles.

"Good." He tells you, reaching out to kiss your lips, still high on his own afterglow. "That's how you're always supposed to feel like."

"I've quit." He tells you one night on the couch, as you sit close to him. You'd asked him about his sidejob at Yoongi's- and this was his answer. Instantly, you sit up straight, fearing that he might've felt obligated because of you. "Before you start, yes, it was because of you." He says, and you already have the whine in your throat- but it doesn't make it out, as his fingers lazily trace your collarbone peaking out from his shirt you're wearing. "But it was also my decision. I just didn't enjoy it anymore- and you're more I could ever want really." He says, shrugging as you stare at him.

It was still new to you.

Although you knew that he was probably more than just a wild loverboy collecting partners and gaming all day, you never would've thought of him like this. He's a kid at heart still, teasing and playfighting every now and then- but he's mostly a strong shoulder to lean on for you. He really is the security and safety you'd always searched for. "What're you thinking about?" He asks, pulling you closer as he continues watching the TV show.

"You." You say, and he chuckles.

"Cute." He answers. He looks at you for a moment, TV long forgotten, before you crawl over his lap, shirt rising enough to give him free view of your thighs and panties. You've skipped the pants tonight- a habit of yours he enjoys a lot. His palms instantly find the soft skin, running along the outside of your thighs before they find your behind, squeezing, before he slaps it playfully. He grins as you squeal, admiring the way the very tips of your ears turn red. "You're really precious, you know that?" He tells you, and you shrug. "You are." He confirms, and you smile shyly.

"May I kiss you?" You ask, and he smiles warmly.

"We're not in a scene baby, do as you wish." He tells you, and you nod, leaning forward to capture his lips with yours. Its a feeling you can't quite get enough of, and it seems like he enjoys it equally as much. His inked hands find their way underneath your shirt, running over your back and spine as you shudder. He doesn't find what he seeks, your underwear long gone and left in the bedroom, and he loves it, instantly moves to your chest where he finds the soft flesh, his thumb running over one of your nipples teasingly. You're arching your back already, moving around as if you can't sit still. "My baby." He mumbles out, "If you can be so kind and get me a condom, you can ride me if you want to." He tells you, and you nod.

By now you easily know your way around his apartment.

So its no wonder you quickly return from your now shared bedroom, condom in hand as you approach him again, settling onto his lap. You're not shy with him nor his body anymore, eagerly taking the condom out of the package for him to roll it down onto his length. "You good?" He asks, and you nod, pulling your panties aside as you slowly sink down on him.

He lets his head rest back on the couch, and you lean into him, for a change returning the favor of kissing his neck. He's grinning, throughoutly enjoying things, and you love watching him. It's a visual reminder to yourself that this is your doing. You're making him feel that way, and no one else. It makes you confident, and it makes you feel cherished in ways you haven't felt before.

Once you start to move, Jungkooks hands help you along. Its slow and lazy, not at all hurried. There's no real goal; you probably wouldn't even mind not cumming at all. This was just being close- a way of feeling connected in the most intimate of ways. Connected like only lovers could be.

You love him.

And it slips out as a tiny 'I love you' in between your sighs and gasps, and he hears it so clearly, he can't help himself but speed up the pace.

"I love you too." He chants out, kissing the side of your head as you rest against his chest, head on his shoulder. "I love you so much." He says, almost inaudible, his arms holding you as close as he can.

Jeon Jungkook doesn't need sex to feel satisfied.

But he will most certainly need you for now and forever.

And he's totally fine with that.

(c)Bonny-Kookoo. You know the drill. I know where you live. I don't. But still. Be scared. Boo.

#bts imagine #bts #bts fanfic #jungkook imagine #bts fic #bts smut #bts jungkook #jeon jungkook #jungkook #bts reactions #Rabbit Boy AU

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