#I’ve been on this website for like 15 years Jesus Christ

[dadsandhorror]

Hey do you guys remember when you could block someone that sent an anonymous message, and then the person’s blog would be in your blocked list?

I think they should bring that back.

[zalrb]

OTH 3X05 Rewatch Review

OTH won.

1. I keep forgetting OTH is on Prime

2. IIIIIIIIIIII DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYYYY

3. One Tree Hill wants Tree Hill to be a basketball town so badly and doesn’t put in any of the effort.

4. I like how stiff these cheerleaders actually are.

5. “You’re breaking her heart you know that?” I’m sorry, he nearly died and she DIDN’T COME HOME.

6. Lucas, SHUT UP. You were the one who cheated on your girlfriend with her best friend and then dated that girlfriend’s neighbour broke up with said neighbour and went next to that girlfriend’s house RIGHT AFTER BREAKING UP WITH HER NEIGHBOUR

7. Right, I forgot they thought he kissed Haley. I mean, still though.

8. The fight between Nathan and Lucas escalates to an unbelievable point, it would not cause a brawl between the team, that’s dumb.

9. Peyton, if you hate being a cheerleader, stop being a fucking cheerleader, jesus christ.

10. OH MY GOD, A WOMAN WITH ARMPIT HAIR? BURN HER AT THE STAKE.

11. Every time I see Rachel, I think about how me and my friend shipped Jensen with Sophia, I don’t even know HOW that came about but we were like Chad is disgusting and Sophia and Jensen should totally date and get married and Chad can choke and die then we found out Jensen was with Danneel and we were like ....................

12. Chris’ album name is “Keller Instinct”? Ugh.

13. I like how Chris is supposed to be a hot shot musician but also has nothing better to do than hang around Haley and Chris, that’s weird dude.

14. It’s funny I rewatch Veep a lot and this character Jonah who is terrible is about to be offered like hundreds of million of dollars for his website and Selina the protagonist is like:

and every time one of the characters is like “Dan’s running for mayor?? It’s like...” I think of this scene.

15. This shit is SO unsanitary.

16. Dan, you’re running your own campaign.

17. I am posting this without comment and tagging @initiumseries​

18. I totally forgot about Gigi.

19. The casting as Ellie as Peyton’s birth mom was a good choice though.

20. Oh God, is Peyton going to see Ellie’s picture of her and be like YoU LiEd To mE!!!! It is this scene right.

21.

22. (it is).

23.

24. At least she isn’t crying this time.

25.

OH MY GOD, PEYTON, GET A FUCKING GRIP 

26. I am so done with these scenes, can we move on.

27. Ha.

28. What is this dialogue? What does it even mean?

29. I like how she puts this on Nathan like she didn’t kiss him and insist on working with him and didn’t ask Nathan to come with her on tour

Once again I am reminded of how I like Naley together but build up Naley not so much.

30. “If you work with Chris and end up having feelings for him again, then I guess I have my answer.” “That’s ridiculous, Nathan, that’s not fair!” I mean, how though? You didn’t even say you didn’t have feelings for him, Haley. THIS IS HIS POINT.

31. I like how when Dan actually is mayor it’s not really a catastrophe, unless I’m misremembering.

32. At least Peyton tackles Rachel when she punches Brooke.

33. Like these fights don’t make sense because it’d be an entire team and an entire squad trying to pull apart TWO people of their OWN team/squad.

34. You were slut shaming Brooke like 2 seconds ago, Rachel

35. At least he looks uncomfortable here, with Brooke he looks bewildered and then into it by the very end.

36. This always bothered me because it DOESN’T. MAKE. SENSE. Is it last year or two years ago?

37.

38. I always found it HILARIOUS that Brooke slaps Rachel and Lucas just watches like damn, Brooke. Doesn’t even go to see if Rachel’s OK.

39. “You know that thing about judging a book by its cover? Well it’s true. Sometimes you gotta read the whole thing” this is the clumsiest shit ever, STOP TALKING.

40. Nathan, why are you lurking by a tree?

[pyladeshungover]

intro post

Tara // 29 // Australia

she / her / hers

oops i got into hockey sorry guys

my url is from approximately 2013 when I was a les mis blog, and my pfp is athelstan from vikings in a flower crown because that was cool in 2015. title is from the boat that rocked. I've been here forever.

i'm very not normal about sidney crosby, matthew tkachuk, and travis konecny

i'm slightly more normal but still unhinged about claude giroux and jamie drysdale

i do occassionally lb the hockey - pens lb, flyers lb, sometimes panthers lb

tag lists also i do tend to be pretty good about tagging everything so if you blacklist nothing should slip through

I did not realise you can only access that page on desktop but also the hyperlinks won't work in this post so here's the list:

FROM THE SELF

my face; sort of - my face and my thoughts

university life - university/college experiences

adulthood - attempts to function as a successful adult

millennials - the Adulthood Experience™ specific to millennials

life is hard - depression tag

so not straight - i am queer

mine - shit i’ve made or drawn

tumblr - i’ve been on this godforsaken website since i was 15 and i hate everything about that

RELIGION

blessed is he who comes in the name of the lord - christianity

jc and the boys - jesus and the apostles

jc and the girls - ladies of the disciples

upon this rock - history of, stories about, and images of the church

do not be afraid - angels 

your kingdom come - prophets, saints, and the apocalypse

the old gods are dead - graeco-roman mythology

folklore - local folk and fairy-tales 

WORLD AFFAIRS/CULTURE

straya - things about Australia

auspol - Australian politics

uspol - US politics

i’m a pathetic history major - general world and cultural history

who likes bad jokes - especially awful attempts at humour

words - poetry, quotes, literature

reclaiming the women - feminist re-tellings of fictional women

humanity - the good and incredible things about humans and community (also includes human and alien speculative fiction)

christmas - i love christmas

covid 19 - self explanatory

2020 - see above

2021 - mamma mia, here we go again

2022 - we’re three years into The Great Loneliness

FANDOM

fandom / fanfic

# - 911

A - abfab

B - brooklyn 99 / black books / beauty and the beast / birds of prey /buffy

C - criminal minds / code black

D - dirk gently / doctor who / disney / derry girls

E - elementary

F - firefly / fresh off the boat / friends / fleabag

G - great british bake off / grace and frankie / greys anatomy / galavant / game of thrones / gilmore girls / the great / the good place

H - holes / hunt for the wilderpeople / the hobbit / hannibal / hamilton / harry potter

I - inside llewyn davis

J - jurassic park / jesus christ superstar

K - kingsman / killing eve

L - lethal weapon / lucifer / lotr / les mis

M - moulin rouge / mamma mia / moana / mad max / the man from u.n.c.l.e. / mindhunter / miss fisher’s murder mysteries / the marvelous mrs maisel

N - narnia / nhl

O - the office / the old guard / oitnb

P - pushing daisies / parks and rec / the princess bride / psych / the prince of egypt / the parent trap / pirates of the caribbean / pride / prodigal son / phantom of the opera

Q - queer eye

S - spn / star wars / scrubs / the song of achilles / schitts creek / santa clarita diet / six the musical

T - teen wolf / twilight / to all the boys i’ve loved before /

U - umbrella academy

V - vikings / venom

W - what we do in the shadows / the witcher / wonder woman

X - xfiles

HOCKEY

nhl

hrpf

the rituals are intricate (n-h-is-for-for-homosexuality-l)

they’re so stupid 🥹 (memes)

hockey narratives

hockey art

hockey poetry

hockey vid edit

Players tagged initials jersey number (ie. sc87)

Other player tags - hughes bros / tkachuk fam / love thy goalie 

Ships - tknp / sidgeno / drygras / mattdrai / brioux / mike likes jeff but jeff loves mike / swaymark

Teams - bruins / ducks / flyers / gritty / leafs / oilers / pens / sens / stars / yotes

Liveblogging semiregularly - pens lb

Liveblogging very occassionally -  flyers lb / sens lb / panthers lb

[seekfirst-community]

The following reflection is courtesy of Don Schwager © 2023. Don's website is located at Dailyscripture.net

Meditation: Jesus' disciples were put to the test as Jesus prepared to make the final and ultimate sacrifice of his own life for their sake and for all the world. What was different between Peter and Judas? Judas deliberately betrayed his Master while Peter, in a moment of weakness, denied him with an oath and a curse. Judas' act was cold and calculated. Peter, however, never meant to do what he did. He acted impulsively, out of weakness and cowardice. Jesus knew both the strength of Peter's loyalty and the weakness of his resolution. He had a habit of speaking with his heart without thinking through the implications of what he was saying.

Disordered love leads to hurtful desires and wrong deeds

The treachery of Judas, however, is seen at its worst when Jesus makes his appeal by showing special affection to him at his last supper. John says that Satan entered into Judas when he rejected Jesus and left to pursue his evil course. Satan can twist love and turn it into hate. He can turn holiness into pride, discipline into cruelty, affection into complacency. We must be on our guard lest Satan turn us from the love of God and the path which God has chosen for us.

God never withholds his persevering grace and strength to those who cling to him

The Holy Spirit will give us grace and strength in our time of testing. If we submit to Jesus we will walk in the light of his truth and love. If we turn our backs on him we will stumble and fall in the ways of sin and darkness. Are you ready to follow Jesus in his way of the cross?

"Give me, O Lord, a steadfast heart which no unworthy thought can drag downwards; an unconquered heart which no tribulation can wear out; an upright heart which no unworthy purpose may tempt aside. Bestow upon me also, O Lord my God, understanding to know you, diligence to seek you, wisdom to find you, and a faithfulness that may finally embrace you; through Jesus Christ, our Lord. (Prayer of Thomas Aquinas) "

The following reflection is from One Bread, One Body courtesy of Presentation Ministries © 2023.

all for jesus

“You are My servant...through whom I show My glory.” —Isaiah 49:3

I’m writing this teaching on my birthday, two years before you read it. So at Mass today, when I heard the passage: “The Lord called me from birth, from my mother’s womb He gave me my name” (Is 49:1), it gave me chills to hear that He “formed me as His servant from the womb” (Is 49:5). For over thirty years, I’ve been blessed to lead the One Bread, One Body ministry. There certainly have been fleeting moments during this ministry when I have felt like “I had toiled in vain, and for nothing, uselessly, spent my strength” (Is 49:4). However, all of us in this ministry know that Jesus uses our efforts to further His kingdom.

Jesus, the Servant of the Lord (Is 42:1; 49:3; 52:13), must have had similar moments. He gave Judas His most precious Body and Blood, only to have Judas betray Him and oppose His work. His chosen leader, St. Peter, in whom Jesus had invested three years of daily training and love, would deny Him three times. Peter issued one denial for each year that Jesus lovingly discipled him. Jesus spent His strength and love for three years only to have all but one of His apostles abandon Him when He needed them most (Mk 14:50).

Have you ever felt like your work for Jesus is in vain? (Is 49:4) “Fix your eyes on Jesus” (Heb 3:1), not on the results of your labors. As St. Teresa of Calcutta said, concentrate on “faithfulness, not success.” “You know that your toil is not in vain when it is done in the Lord” (1 Cor 15:58). You are called from birth to be God’s servant. “Take courage...and work!” (Hg 2:4)

Prayer:  Father, I pour out my life for You. Use me up for You.

Promise:  “I will make you a light to the nations.” —Is 49:6

Praise:  Praise Jesus, Who forgave even as He hung upon the cross (Lk 23:34).

Reference:  (This teaching was submitted by a member of our editorial team.)

Rescript:  "In accord with the Code of Canon Law, I hereby grant the Nihil Obstat for the publication One Bread, One Body covering the time period from April 1, 2023 through May 31, 2023. Reverend Steve J. Angi, Chancellor, Vicar General, Archdiocese of Cincinnati, Cincinnati, Ohio September 21,, 2022"

The Nihil Obstat ("Permission to Publish") is a declaration that a book or pamphlet is considered to be free of doctrinal or moral error. It is not implied that those who have granted the Nihil Obstat agree with the contents, opinions, or statements

[iwishicanbeagoodpianist]

the Wifilcon and the Winter Router

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x OC/Reader Summary: When Bucky learns that his neighbor has been stealing his wifi for months. Warnings: None A/N: I'm not a fanfic writer at all, this, like all my stories, are adaptations to fanfics. My original stories are not written in english, so this is also a translation. please do not repost my work

For an instant, Bucky thought that the knocking he was hearing was coming directly from his head, I mean, it wouldn't be the first time his mind played tricks on him, but he realized that the sound was actually coming, unluckily for him, from his apartment door. Oh no no no no no no no, I just got back from putting up with Sam for almost 6 full weeks, I don't need interaction with more people for now.

Bucky thought for a minute to ignore the sound, to wait for the person to give up and leave, anyway he didn't spend many days on this apartment, almost no one had seen him leave or enter the building and he had no contact with the neighbors, only with the lady on the 7th floor who once lost one of her cats, which ended up in Bucky's apartment, accidentally. Not that I found the cat in the alley and actually brought him to my apartment, it doesn't mean that I stole the cat, he was in the street by himself, I rescued him.

When the banging on the door stopped and Bucky thought he could breathe calmly again, a voice between altered and annoyed was heard all the way to the living room where he was sitting trying to overcome his third panic attack and fourth existential crisis of the day .

-"I know you're in there! I saw you coming in a few hours ago! I've been waiting for days for you to come back!"-

More out of instinct than anything else, Bucky pulled out the knife hidden in his right boot as he slowly backed away from the door. Do I really have a spy as a neighbor? Should I call Sam? Is he in danger too? Never mind now, you need an escape route Bucky, concentrate, third floor, window to the alley, 2 minutes max, the bike is parked far away, I'll have to run, but to where, rendezvous point, safe place, think....

- "for God's sake, open the door, I need you to pay for your fucking internet plan, I'm in the last season of my series and I need to know if Carolina died or not!"-

- "The internet?"- Between the andrenaline from escaping and the shock of not understanding what was happening Bucky spoke louder than an assassin, with over 60 years of experience, should have spoken. Oh, shoot.

-"Yes! Your wifi, I need it to finish watching my series"-

Whispering "wifi" to himself, Bucky tries to remember where he has heard that word before, this is what I get for never listening to Sam when he talks to me. But before he can continue his mental analysis of all the conversations with Sam about such stupid things as his favorite American Football team, the New Orleans Saints, that I remember, to how Antonio could possibly leave María on the last episode of the 6 o'clock telenovela of which Sam is a fan, his apparent "neighbor" spoke up again:

-"Jesus Christ, can you open the door? So we can resolve this like adults"-

Bucky resigned to the fact that he has given his position to the "enemy", walks to the door and opens it waiting for his death. Well at least if I die I won't have to listen to Sam again talking about Antonio and María. But on the other side of the door, there was a woman, who in her pajamas, very unthreatening but cute, was watching him as if he were a ghost but still with defiance in her eyes, in one breath she introduced herself and continued her speech about her complaint to Bucky:

-"As I was saying, I need you to pay for your internet"-

-"I'm sorry, but I'm not sure I understand what you mean"- mumbled Bucky.

- "Good Lord"- To Bucky's surprise his neighbor, pushes him and enters his home, well not so much a home home, more like the headquarters of his secret club, of which he is the president, vice president and only member, the point is that it is his place, where he can (and wants to be alone), as she lives here. This must be a dream, maybe I hit my head too hard in the last mission and I am unconscious in the hospital.

Crossing the room, Bucky's unwanted visitor looks around searching for something while whispering the words "I see you are quite minimalist, but maybe this is too much, someone urgently needs to look for some inspiration on Pinterest". She stops abruptly in front of the shelf where, in theory, a TV should go, while shouting: "EUREKA", she bends down and picks up a white device which has two antennas and like a million little blinking lights, damn, that looks like something out of a spaceship, I'm being watched by aliens? I'm being spied on by Kree?

-"This is your router, this is where the internet signal comes from, which I need you to pay for so I can finish watching my series"-.

Bucky, still in shock for the third time in less than 15 minutes, as he processes the idea that perhaps Thanos' unknowing twin is spying on him for a second invasion of earth and revenge for his brother's death. He can only nod to his now more relaxed and happy neighbor.

-"Perfect, thanks! I need to check the food I left in the oven, I'll talk to you later"- and as quickly as she came she left through the same door, leaving Bucky with more doubts than answers, peeking down the hallway, he realizes that she is the neighbor who lives next door, to his right. When Bucky comes out of his initial stupor, still not fully understanding what is going on, he decides to take his cell phone out of his pocket and call his own personal Google to solve his doubts about this century: Sam Wilson.

-"Hey Buck! What's up?"-how does he always manage to sound so happy? focus Buck.

-"What the hell is a router and why do I have one in my house?"- somehow Bucky manages to formulate, although maybe his voice cracked a little on the last words.

-"That thing's been there for at least two months and you didn't even notice it? Have you even paid the bill?"-

-"You put this in here? Without telling me????"- maybe Sam is also a Kree? Who can I trust now? It's all a trap?

Listening to Bucky's accelerated breathing, Sam tries to explain to him slowly, that in this century life without internet is not life, but obviously as Bucky does not even know how to set the alarm on his own cell phone, he was in charge of buying the router and creating the contract with the company so that, the 106 year old man could have his personal network at home. He had given it the name but he had not given it a password so that Bucky himself could set it up later. "I am an excellent friend, I mean co-worker, if I may say so"

-"Sorry man, after all that happened, we got called for a mission and I forgot to tell you, do you have your laptop over there? I'll help you set up a password, so your neighbors won't steal your internet anymore"- and with that comment everything started to make sense in Bucky's slightly screwed up but functional mind about the events with his seemingly non-spy and harmless neighbor.

Meanwhile Bucky was trying to remember his own password to unlock the laptop in front of him, also courtesy of Sam. "Bucky, when you learn about online banking and that you can pay your rent, electricity, phone and everything with a click of your computer, you will thank me". It should be noted that Bucky hasn't used that laptop once, like a good 100 year old grandpa he goes to the bank to make his deposits and pay his debts, which obviously consisted only of electricity, water, gas and phone because the man had no idea that there was a device in his house that spit out internet, apparently only his next door neighbor knew this. Buck tells Sam how he thought his router was an alien device and how he thought his neighbor was a KGB agent coming to kill him. "Relax Buck we all have undesirable neighbors that steal our internet signal sometimes", well undesirable is not the word I would use to describe her but ok.

When Sam finally explains to him how to connect his computer to the internet, Bucky can finally see the name that his wonderful co-worker, not friend, because he could never be friends with someone so stupid as to think that the name "THE WIFILCON AND THE WINTER ROUTER" was a good name.

- "my god Sam, you're such an asshole!"-

-"HEY! That's a great name!"- Sam responds with as much indignation as possible, he's the best at naming everything from dogs to wifis.

- "I can't believe you're Captain America, I can't believe we're even friends"- Bucky really can't understand his luck to have friends, well, co-workers whatever.

- "Well excuse me but we're co-workers..."-

- "Well, take this call as my formal resignation, bye"-

-"Wait a minute Buck..."- Bucky ended the call, to finish -his self-imposed- punishment of listening to Sam Wilson talk for over an hour. At least I asked him how to use the bank's website to pay for the internet. Suddenly, without warning and without explanation, the memory of his neighbor is lodged in his head, her hair in a ponytail, her reading glasses, pink shorts, her sweater from some university of which he can't even remember the name because he was watching out for other things... that she wouldn't kill me obviously, he was watching out that she wouldn't pull a knife out of her back and kill me right there. The message on his laptop indicating that he can now set a new name and password to his wifi distracts him enough to stop thinking about his sweet and cute non-spy neighbor and how she would look with her hair down and her glasses off.

Still with the sweet feeling in his chest and the desire to see her again he writes as the new name of the wifi, while laughing:

"If you want free internet, you owe me at least one free dinner"

After paying the internet debt and closing the laptop, Bucky gets up hoping to find something edible in the kitchen, while leaning over to look inside his fridge and analyzing how bad it would be to eat a fried egg with pasta and sriracha, he hears again a knock on the door, but this time it does not cause Bucky the anguish and anxiety that caused him the first time, but quite the opposite.

-"Open the door Winter Router! I prepared chicken pot pie for dinner"-.

[the-courage-to-heal]

What do you think of Joyofsatan.org? They claim to follow the Pagan Goddess Lilith/Lalitha, they’re pro-choice and they’re the largest Satanist group in the world.

Please bear with me because this is going to be a long response. For context here. I'm an American. The foundation of our constitution and Bill of Rights is based upon freedom of religion.

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof;"

Satanists espouse some basic beliefs: (I'm paraphrasing here)

"One should strive to act with compassion and empathy, The struggle for justice is an ongoing and necessary pursuit. One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone. The freedoms of others should be respected, including the freedom to offend. Beliefs should conform to one's best scientific understanding of the world. People are fallible. If one makes a mistake, one should do one's best to rectify it and resolve any harm that might have been caused."

As you can see in general these are beliefs most of us can understand or agree with on some level. It also makes sense that they would take a pro-choice stance.

As a practicing Christian, ultimately I think Jesus Christ is the only path to salvation, and Satan is the father of lies.

"Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own: for he is a liar, and the father of it." - John 8:44

That being said, I deeply respect the fundamental right to practice whatever faith they choose as long as it doesn't infringe on my right to practice my beliefs. It's my understanding that the Satanic Temple and The Church of Satan are commonly misconstrued as one and the same. The Satanic Temple was founded in 2013 based off of the Church of Satan but it takes a hardline stance on political issues like abortion etc. This article from their website breaks down the differences in much more detail.

On the topic of abortion. I think many people view this as an issue of a woman's right over her body. If I viewed it through that lens I would be unequivocally pro-choice. However, I believe in life at conception.

"You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." - Psalm 139: 15-16

I believe if I fell pregnant it would no longer just be my body I was making a choice about. It would also involve the body growing inside of me. One that had no voice to speak for itself yet. I empathize with the desire to get an abortion. I have had pregnancy scares that truly tested my beliefs, but ultimately I could not shake the belief that my right to choose doesn't extend to ending another life. Even if I have the power to do so. That being said, I support abortion if the mothers life is in danger.

If anyone wants to hear about it; there are family experiences with abortion that shaped my beliefs around it. This is becoming a novel so I'll hold off on explaining all of that. I had some deeply conflicting feelings when Roe V. Wade was overturned. I cried because I knew it would be used to deny women DNC's and other vital care they need post miscarriage or during ectopic pregnancies etc. I haven't felt peace until the executive order came down from the president declaring federal law protects abortions that are medically necessary for the woman's life. or health.

I respect every faith, every political viewpoint etc. I lived in a world where abortion was legal for years. I’ve always understood and respected the people who felt that was a good thing. I wish we would invest in prenatal programs to protect mothers and the unborn. But that would require addressing poverty, homelessness, environmental racism etc. It's much easier to give them abortions and reduce it to a divisive political issue.

I’ll leave you with these quotes from Margaret Sanger, an individual held up as a hero for women’s rights, and I would ask you to research her ties to the Eugenics movement. 

"Consequences of breeding from stock lacking human vitality always will give us social problems and perpetuate institutions of charity and crime."

“We do not want word to go out that we want to exterminate the Negro population, and the minister is the man who can straighten out that idea if it ever occurs to any of their more rebellious members,”

P.S. I truly don't know enough from a quick google search of The Joy of Satan to make any definitive judgements but I read they've been connected with Neo-Nazi and Anti-Semitic movements which I wholeheartedly condemn. White Supremacy and Fascism are a direct threat to everyone's religious freedom. I also want to clarify my views on this issue, and my religious beliefs do not make me a Republican or a Democrat. I don’t ascribe to either party. 

[redbullseb]

thank u franziska @antogioamoremio for the tag!! mwah <3

1. Why did you choose your url?

red bull got annoying

2. Any side blogs?

yep! @thomasmvller is for bayernblogging, @xovettel is my archive of seb edits, and @sebmarkism is for martian.

3. How long have you been on tumblr?

too long

4. Do you have a queue tag?

queue know it. ba dum tsss thank u i’m here all night

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place?

my friend in middle school was like. hey check out this cool band called panic! at the disco. hey check out this cool website where people talk about panic! at the disco. hey check out—

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp?

jim moriarty stealing the crown jewels is one of the best scenes ever in tv history

7. Why did you choose your header?

vogue header has been my thing for years on twitter already, i’m just continuing with it

8. What's your post with the most notes?

. we don’t speak of it

9. How many mutuals do you have?

150 or something like that

10. How many followers do you have?

not as many as our lord jesus christ

11. How many people do you follow?

150 or something like that

12. Have you ever made a shitpost?

hashtag ameme

13. How often do you use tumblr?

:)

14. Did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

no serious beef, mostly bc anybody i’ve ‘fought’ with has never actually been close enough to have serious beef with me i think. but barbi and i are currently in an explosive and passionate rivalry the likes of which has never been seen. fire brimstone the whole shtick

15. How do you feel about "you need to reblog this" posts?

in the armchair activism sense? i get the sentiment, but with all due respect, it’s feels performative imo? like the actual cause (whatever it may be) is diminished in favour of being turned into a chainmail meme that op can get clout for and others can feel better about themselves for reblogging. on the other hand, i’ve learned about the existence of some events through those kinds of posts and read up on them separately, so there’s something to be said about the end justifying the means etc

16. Do you like tag games?

yeah, they’re fun!

17. Do you like ask games?

yes! also fun!

18. Which of your moots do you think is tumblr famous?

probably mack awsugar

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual?

nope

no pressure tags! @meova101 @theizzyryder @beekatef1 @callumsmick @russelly @seriously-sebvettel @successionmaintitletheme

[natromanxoff]

Queen live at Capital Centre in Landover, MD, USA - November 29, 1977

(x)

A fan filmed the first couple minutes of the show on a silent Super 8 camera, but he was caught by a security guard and the film was confiscated.

Another fan recalls the band took a 30 minute break in the middle of the show, and started the second half of the show with Tie Your Mother Down. He also says they performed both Spread Your Wings and It's Late.

Here is a review of the show from the next day's Washington Post. It reveals that the band have swapped Keep Yourself Alive with Now I'm Here. The former now follows Bohemian Rhapsody in the setlist, as it had earlier in the year.

There is a great story on Brian May's website by Tracy Chevalier, who attended the show as a youngster:

It started with a champagne toast and ended with a limo pulling away into the night. In between these two gestures symbolising glamour and sophistication, I lost my virginity. Not in the technical sense (that would take another few years), but in other ways. At my first ever rock concert — going with four friends to see Queen at the Capital Centre in November 1977 — I got an eye-opening peek at elements of the adult world, with its power and its limitations, its glittering artifice and dirty reality, and it demonstrated how little I knew and how much I had yet to learn about life.

I was ripe for it; overdue, really. I had turned 15 the month before the concert, and though people thought I looked older than I was, I was remarkably naive and unworldly at that age. Despite a few character-building events in my childhood — the death of my mother when I was almost 8, the experience of being a minority in DC public schools — I was so unsophisticated, so unaware of the world, that I didn’t even realise Queen was an English band until the lead singer Freddie Mercury appeared in a tight white catsuit on stage at the Capital Centre, raised a glass of champagne at 18,000 screaming fans, and toasted us with “Good evening, Washington” in a fruity English accent. I was stunned. Then I started screaming.

I had been a Queen fan for a couple of years by then. A Night at the Opera was the first LP I bought, and I could sing every word of every song. I don’t remember how I was introduced to Queen — though I do remember hearing their biggest hit, Bohemian Rhapsody, on the radio and being impressed by its audacity. It sure beat the hell out of the Beatles, Bob Dylan and Neil Young, which had been my older sister’s staple music diet. By 14, I was writing Queen lyrics on the desk where I sat for algebra class, swapping them back and forth with a boy I had a crush on, and daydreaming of guitarist Brian May kissing me.

The concert was part of Queen’s News of the World tour. While not a great album, especially after the double whammy of A Night at the Opera and its follow-up, A Day at the Races, it did produce two of their best-known songs, We Will Rock You and We are the Champions, which drop-kicked them firmly into stadium anthem territory. Appropriately, the concert began with the lights going down and the primitive, effective, impossible-not-to-join-in-with BOOM- BOOM-CHI, BOOM-BOOM-CHI, BOOM-BOOM-CHI intro to We Will Rock You rolling over the audience. Everyone immediately jumped up out of their seats and began to stomp and clap along. I, too, stood and stomped and clapped, watching in awe as people began flicking their Bic lighters, a gesture I had never seen before. What, were they going to set light to something? I had tried not to act surprised earlier when people nearby started smoking grass in public, but now was there going to be a riot? What other illegal things would go on that night? Then a spotlight picked out Freddie Mercury, who began to sing, “Buddy you’re a boy, make a big noise, playin’ in the street, gonna be a big man someday . . .” and I thought, “Jesus H. Christ, that is the loudest noise I’ve ever heard! Is that legal?” The wall of sound terrified me, and I wanted to cover my ears, but I didn’t dare, as it would have been a very uncool thing to do. I think I looked around for the exit, wondering how many people I would have to climb over to escape the sound. It was just so goddamned loud — exhilarating, yes, but painful, too, dangerous and overwhelming. I wavered between loving it and hating it, but knew it would be uncool to hate it, so I’d better try to love it.

Towards the end of the song the single note of an electric guitar began to hum louder and louder under the chorus we were all singing and shouting, and Brian May stepped into the light to add his distinctive sound, ending We Will Rock You with low, long-sustain, three-part harmony chords, overlaid with a high melody he made fuzzy and metallic by using a coin as a guitar pick. I adored Brian May. He was the reserved, straight guy (literally) to Freddie Mercury’s camp high jinks — tall, dark, good-looking, with long curly hair and a melancholy pensiveness that made every teenage girl want to comfort him. At this concert he was wearing a silvery white jacket with long, pleated wing sleeves; that combined with his mop of curls should have made him look effeminate, but instead he was deeply sexy.

I loved Freddie, too, for his outrageous antics, his riskiness, his joy at performing and glorious indifference to how ridiculous he looked wearing glittery leotard jumpsuits, eyeliner and a mullet, prancing and strutting and posing, twitching his hips, smacking his lips and otherwise hamming it up. But even without being conscious of Freddie’s sexual preference — I hadn’t yet met anyone who was openly gay — I instinctively sensed he was not to be lusted after. For all his extrovert, welcoming stage presence, he was clearly playing a part, which served to hold us at arm’s length; whereas Brian May’s taciturn moodiness was clearly himself served up raw.

Thank God for Freddie, though. Without him, no one would have moved on stage: Brian May was not a dancer, John Deacon, in time-honoured bassist tradition, stood solidly in one place throughout, and Roger Taylor was trapped by his drum kit.

To set us at our ease, after We Will Rock You Freddie toasted us with a glass of champagne — “Moët et Chandon, of course,” after the reference in the hit Killer Queen. My friends and I heard this and screamed and clutched one another. He mentioned Moët et Chandon! That was our champagne! He was acknowledging us! I swear he made eye contact with me, 200 yards away and over the heads of thousands.

For we had done what we thought was the most original and extravagant gesture (for 15-year-olds) a fan could make: we had sent a bottle of champagne backstage. We’d pooled our money and gotten an older sister to buy it for us — the same sister who had been obliged to drive us all the way to the Capital Centre, smirking at our overexcited fandom. We’d even made our way to the stage door down a loading dock at the back of the arena and reluctantly handed over the precious bottle to a bored roadie, who said he would take it to the band. We’d had our doubts about his reliability, and his jadedness had dampened our enthusiasm a bit: had we really blown all that money — $20, which in those days meant 20 hours of babysitting — to have some unshaven jerk with a beer belly swill the precious liquid? But clearly the roadie had pulled through for us, for there was our champagne in Freddie Mercury’s hand, and he was referring to Moët et Chandon in his pretty cabinet, the lyrics we had so cleverly quoted in the note we sent along with the bottle. We were sure we — among the many thousands — had managed to get through to the band.

If we had bothered to look around rather than feast our eyes on Brian and Freddie (I’m afraid John Deacon and Roger Taylor never got a look-in from me), we probably would have seen other clusters of fans also screaming and clutching one another during Freddie’s toast. But we didn’t look around or harbour doubts, or we ignored them. It was only much later that I allowed myself to consider the veritable champagne lake that must have existed backstage at every Queen concert. Tip to rock stars: want a free truckload of champagne wherever you go? Sing a song that mentions some — preferably name-checking a more expensive brand to ensure better quality — and watch it pour in backstage every night from adoring fans. There must have been a hundred bottles from fans back there, not counting the stash the band may well have brought with them in case Portland or Houston or Detroit weren’t so generous. No wonder that roadie looked so bored — he’d probably been put on champagne duty that night.

Freddie’s toast worked its magic, though, giving me the connection I needed to negotiate a place within the strangeness of the concertgoing experience itself: the weird, scary power of a crowd; the mixture of exhilaration and embarrassment at collective participation; the physical discomfort of standing for two hours when there’s a perfectly comfortable seat behind you. It is one of those tricky, unresolved tensions at concerts: are we there to listen to the music or actively respond to it, participate as a group or answer our needs as individuals? It’s an issue I’ve never entirely resolved — from Queen onwards I have spent concerts going in and out of myself, losing myself to the music and spectacle one minute, the next minute overly conscious of myself clapping or singing or screaming, and wondering why concerts have to be such an uncomfortable physical ordeal.

I was taken aback by the sound of Queen’s music live: not just the volume, but the familiarity and also the strange rawness of the songs. Studio albums have all the mistakes airbrushed out, the layers added in, the balance between players carefully calibrated, like clever dialogue in a play without the awkward pauses and unfinished conversations you get in real life. Queen albums were highly produced, multi-layered affairs. Live, the music was necessarily stripped of a lot of the choral mixing, more raucous, simpler and much messier.

The band wisely didn’t dare attempt to reproduce in its entirety the long, baroque confection that is Bohemian Rhapsody. For the infamous operatic middle section, the band members left the stage as the studio recording played. Freddie and Brian then changed costume, and, at the word “Beelzebub”, all four men popped out of a door in the stage floor and joined live again for the heavy metal section, fireworks going off, dry ice pouring out, everyone going berserk, me in tears of excitement. It was one of the best live moments I’ve ever witnessed. Indeed, I was spoiled by seeing Queen play live before anyone else; for sheer exuberant theatricality, no one else has come close.

The concert ended with an instrumental version of God Save the Queen and once more the flicking of the Bics, which, no longer the virgin concertgoer, I understood now as a gesture of tribute. My friends and I weren’t finished, though. Emboldened by Freddie’s toast, we decided to go to the stage entrance again and say hello. I still choke with embarrassment when I think of it. When we got there, a black limousine was pulling away, our heroes and their entourage inside, and we were left with the detritus: older, dolled-up, hard-bitten groupies who had followed the band around and not made this night’s cut. I stared at one, at her long, bleach-blond hair, her miniskirt, her bright red lipstick. She glared at me briefly; then her face went slack as she dismissed the idea of me being any sort of competition. In fact, I had not really taken in that there was a competition, that the girls (and I?) were here to spread our wares and catch the attention of one of the men, and then . . . And then? I hadn’t thought it through at all. I wouldn’t have known what to do with such a man as Brian May if he even so much as looked at me. All I knew was that I was way, way out of my depth, that even if I had eluded the roadie minding the door, there was no way I was ever going to get past a woman like this.

The contrast between the sparkling theatricality of the concert and the gritty reality of the backstage, with its dirty concrete, anonymous faces and unfulfilled dreams turned my stomach, and almost ruined the night. I wished I hadn’t seen it, because it reminded me that the show was a fantasy, while it was my aching feet and the roadies’ boredom and the groupies��� hard desperation that constituted real life. As I stood watching the limo pull away and the unsexy women stand about, licking their wounds, looking for a ride to the next city and another chance, I felt as if a door had been kicked open a crack on to a world I knew nothing about: the seamy underbelly of the concertgoing experience, a mix of sex and power and exploitation, of cigarettes and poorly applied make-up and long, cold nights waiting to be noticed and defining yourself by someone else’s attention. If that was grown-up life, I didn’t want to know about it. I wanted the champagne toast, but not the limo. Not yet.

Fan Stories

“I had just turned 16 a few weeks earlier. I was absolutely 100% in love with Queen (since age 13 when first hearing Killer Queen on the radio) and therefore could hardly believe my sister's friend, who worked with her at the Roy Rogers restaurant at the mall, who said she knew Freddie Mercury's girlfriend, Mary, and that she was going to get a backstage pass and would try to get one for us as well. Well, just before the concert she met my sister at a pre-arranged point (inside the venue) and said that she was unable to get us the backstage passes. You can imagine my disappointment and my thinking at this point that this girl was not telling the truth about knowing Freddie's girlfriend (it seemed too good to be true to me to begin with). Then after the concert, which was great of course, we were depressed (my sister and I - but especially me) at not getting to meet them, so we decided to wait for their limo to come out of the underground parking area at the Capital Centre. When it emerged we got so excited we decided to sprint to our big blue station wagon and follow them. With my learner's permit only, I followed them at probably over 80 miles per hour - I remember it being the fastest I had ever driven but I was determined not to lose them - to a restaurant somewhere in DC. At that age, I didn't have my bearings around the city. We didn't want to freak them out so I think we just watched them go inside from our car. Then we ended up waiting outside in the cold air for I think around 2 hours - anyway - enough to turn my nose red and make my lips and toes numb. We weren't allowed in the restaurant - and there was a bouncer from Liverpool out front that prevented us from even going in the lobby to warm up. At one point Roger came down the stairs into the lobby and I smiled at him and he smiled back and started over to the door - but was stopped by another man who grabbed his arm. So then he just continued downstairs to the bathroom, and ignored us when he went back up the stairs. When they finally emerged from the restaurant, I was frozen in more ways than just the temp. Brian said, "It's a bit cold out here". One of them (I don't know who because I think I was in shock) said, "So, were you at the concert?" And we said yes. My friend who was hardly a Queen fan grabbed the attention for herself by shouting "That was the best concert I've ever seen!" or some such thing. I was so embarrassed not being able to think of anything to say in my stunned condition. Freddie looked at me briefly then looked over at my sister. He nodded at my sister but he never stopped walking to the limo. Brian walked over to me and said something like, "Did you enjoy the concert?" and I think I mumbled something like, "Yes. It was fantastic." Then all I could think to say was "Can I have your autograph?" He said "Sure" and ended up giving me the autograph and his pen. So I had to tap him on the arm to get his attention to give him his pen back. "Here's your pen." Can you imagine - here I am meeting my idols and all I can say is this? This all happened within about 20 or 30 seconds it seemed, and they all got into the limo quickly - they seemed pretty tired. I can't remember if they had one or two limos. All four of the members were there and I think a couple of other men - probably manager and driver(s). Freddie didn't say anything, just acknowledged us without a smile and got into the limo. John did the same. I remember thinking Brian was pretty tall. I stood very close to him. I am almost 5 foot 9 and he towered above me it seemed. Of course the hair probably added several inches! The best part of the story I guess is that my sister's friend, the one who knew Mary, said that when the band got back to the hotel they said there were some "nice working girls" waiting outside the restaurant. I guess they thought we were older - we were only 16 and 17 and still in high school of course. We were dressed very conservatively and with long coats.

My sister's co-worker said that she was good friends with Mary, because their families had been neighbors, and so was happy to get to visit with her. Also she said she thought that Freddie was the nicest member of the group, but very shy.” - Donna13

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

11/12/2021 DAB Chronological Transcription

Matthew 27 and Mark 15

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. It's the 12th day of November, and I am Jill. It's so great to be here with you on this journey as we walk through the Word of God in chronological order order. We do it every day and we're going to do it until we get through the entire Bible in a year. And we are well on our way. And one thing that can be said about the journey is that the journey is worth it. I got to say, it has been my complete joy and honor to be on this journey with you. And I just want to encourage us together to keep going. We're going to finish strong together and we're definitely running this race of endurance. But here's the thing. I want you to stay with it. We are less than two months until the end, and some of the most exciting things of the whole entire year are coming up here at the Daily Audio Bible Chronological in just a few weeks. I can't say any more than that, but in due time you will know they are coming very quickly. So you want to be around for that and you'll want to be a part of that. So today, on November 12, we're reading Matthew chapter 27. And then we're going to jump over to Mark and read the 15th chapter of Mark. And this week we're reading the Evangelical Heritage version. Matthew 27.

Commentary:

Obviously, today we are at a very emotional part of the entire year. And maybe even we could go as far as saying this is the climax of the New Testament. The climax of the entire Bible comes down to the death of Jesus. It's one of the central themes of our faith. We believe in the actual death of Christ. And the problem with that for me right now is that we just got introduced to Him. We just learned about Jesus. We just fell madly in love with this man that shows such compassion and kindness, strength and humility and servanthood, but yet is fierce while being gentle. And in this part of the story and where we are today, our friend, our Savior, Emmanuel, God with us was just taken from us. And so tomorrow we will hear from the other two Gospels, the other two narratives of the same account. And so we're going to just leave this open ended today. And if I could just wheel you back to a day on the Christian calendar called Good Friday, we so easily glaze over Good Friday. I've even been to Good Friday services where we're already celebrating Easter Sunday. And I'm like, no, we are not at the Resurrection without the crucifixion first. So if I can get our minds to go back and reflect on this day and the reality of this day is that Jesus is dead. He told the disciples what was happening. He told the people around him they could not fathom. And now it's happened. And we have to sit with that before we can move ahead. So we're going to sit with that today and we will have to sit with that tomorrow. So rarely do I let you know what's happening because it should be fresh and exciting and new and an adventure every single day. But for today, we sit with the weight that Jesus is gone.

Prayer: 

So, Father, we thank you for your Son. It's hard to sit with the reality of what we just heard when we know already the ending to the story. But today we sit with the weight and we sit in the heaviness that there was an actual brutal, inhumane beating and death of an innocent man. We have a tendency to push so many things we don't want to feel away. So Father, help us to remain present in this moment- mindful of the sacrifice, of the price that was paid for the remission of our sins. And it is heavy. It is weighty. It's going to be because there is no freedom that does not come with a great sacrifice. So today we remember, we pause, we reflect and we feel every part of what we feel and pushing nothing away. Thank you for being present with us in this moment. I pray this now in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Announcements:

Daily Audio Bible, that's home base. That's the website. That's where if you need to know anything you can find out there. There is a prayer wall at the click of your button. All you need to do is find that on the website. It's also on your app and you can easily just type it out and somebody will be there waiting and willing to pray for you. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible. We thank you so much for this partnership that we could not do without you. If you're giving by mail, it's DAB PO Box 1996, Springfield, Tennessee 37174. Or you can hit the Give icon. It is at your fingertips on the mobile app right hand, top right hand corner, or look for the Give icon as well on the website. Speaking of the website, we have some very exciting things happening in the store. My husband has been working on the Promised Land coffee table photograph book for years now. Years, this man, literal years and we have taken on more things in our personal life in the last couple of years. And that means that we both have sort of suffered creatively with not a lot of extra time to find space for that creativity that we are created for. And he pushed through this year to finish this sucker, which means I sort of doubled up on some things to give him room. And he carved space every day, pushed through, got this done and it is beautiful. And many of you know if you've been to Israel with us, with him, those of you who haven't, you've watched the videos, the DVD and experienced it in your living room. Not everybody can get there. It's totally understandable, but you can experience it through the creativity of Brian Hardin and an incredible team of videographers that captured the Holy Land. And now you can experience the Promised Land in your living room over coffee. It is a beautiful, beautiful, art project, and it also makes for a really great Christmas gift, if I'm just putting it out there. And I just did. So pick one up at the store on the website if you wish. But I do want to make everyone aware of this because items like these, they go fast. So pick one up while you can. If you need prayer, if you would like to call in and pray over someone that has previously called in needing prayer, you can do so 800-583-2164 or hit the red circle button it's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. You've got two minutes. Make sure that you hit submit and turn the wheels chronological and it will get to the right channel. Thank you for your continued prayers for my health. I know some of you have emailed and messaged me. You're concerned that I need to be in bed and not be speaking. I promise you to the Lord himself. I sound worse than I feel. I'm feeling so much better. This is just the residual leftovers that I have to hurry up and wait. But sometimes life can't wait for a girl to regain her voice.So I can promise you, if I wasn't not recording, I would not be sitting in bed doing nothing. I feel fine- drinking lots of wonderful hot DAB coffee and tea to get me through. That's gonna do it for me today. I'm Jill. We'll turn the page together tomorrow and be one step closer through our journey in the word together. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line:

Hi, guys. This is Kate calling and I'm here to pray for Jason today, who just asked for prayer for his dad and his grandma. The prayer request section of the message for about the last week has been choppy like I missed parts of it. So, Jason, I couldn't hear what your dad's need was, but I know the Lord knows and that's what's important. And you know, and you've reached out for prayer. So, Father, I lift up Jason's dad as well as his grandmother and his entire family to you with their needs, knowing you are mighty, you can act. You do act. You teach us. You bless us. You have mercy and Grace on us. And I'm so thankful for that. Jason, take that to heart for your prayers, too. For whatever your needs are, I just lift you up and I really appreciate that you called in and asked for prayer for your family. It's a beautiful thing. Okay. That's it. Over and out.

....in Jesus on the 8th of November and I just heard Beth in Atlanta, the gentleman that has Huntington disease and the concern about the whole family. Oh, God. We pray for him and his family. Lord, we pray for peace of God that passed all their standards. We pray that this will not be passed on. But we pray for him, too. Also heard from the Piano Man and Duncan. He has such a neat name. He lived such a great place. I love Fredericksburg, and I was married to my husband 42 years, too. He had trouble breathing for 30 years....Maxwell body of Jesus. And his name was Jim Maxwell. And there's a pastor in Colorado Springs named Jim Maxwell, James Maxwell. But anyway, I'm so glad that you have just God has spoken to you about Hannah just to give her to the Lord. And I'm just rejoicing with you on that. And I just wanted to read Proverbs 4:18, the way of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, which shines ever brighter until the perfect day. Help us trust in you with all our heart and not depend on our own understanding. Help us to seek your will and all that we do. And you will show us the path to take in Jesus name.

Hey. Good morning, DABC family. I am calling in today for the very first time. I've been listening to DAB for nine years and this is my first year going through chronological and today is November the 9th, and I just needed to call in to thank Jill. Thank you, Jill, for your ministry this year you started the day by commenting on how far God has brought us all in the year and how you started the year wondering about all that you had to learn to make this experience possible. And each day I've been marveling at how far you've come. I can hear your own growth and progression and I can feel my own growth and progression as well as I have each year going through the Bible together with this community. But today's commentary, the way you drew our attention to the table and the fact that the table the Lord's table is a place where everyone is welcome as they are betrayers as we all may be. We're still welcomed by the Lord. It was just such a beautiful reminder and way to reflect on the Lord's supper. I'm so grateful to Jesus. And so thankful for Jill and for this community and for how we all welcome one. 

Hey, my sweet DABC fam this is Kingdom Seeker Daniel. Lady Jill, thank you. Such a beautiful reminder in Scripture of how we have all been invited to the table. I'm so grateful that he carried me to the table and seated me where I don't belong. He carried me to the table and I'm swept away by his love. I don't see my brokenness anymore when I'm seated at the table of the Lord, I'm carried to the table the Table of the Lord. Thank you so much for that. Precious reminder, Lady Jill. Thank you, family. I just want to encourage our hearts just to remember that no matter how hard the circumstances you and I might be experiencing, we've been invited to the Table of the Lord, and that's far outweighs any and every hardship that you and I will ever face in in this life. And I'm not trying to make light of your hardship, but just remember.

[nerdygaymormon]

I'm casually scrolling through Latter Gay Stories and there I am! That was a nice surprise

They took the story I shared with Let’s Love Better, added some of my pictures from Facebook, and shared on their page. 

While I’m happy about this, it is emblematic of how once we share something online, it is out of our control. I just wish they’d let me know they were planning to put it up last week. I’ve had the same thing happen to me by LDS-owned websites where they put something of mine on LDSLiving and other sites without giving me any warning.

————————————————————

Hi, I’m David

Looking back, the signs of my orientation were there from the time I was a little boy. For example, I stared at the pictures on the packages of underwear at the store, or there would be boys who I really, really wanted to be friends with, things like that. It wasn’t until puberty when I would have erotic dreams that I figured out that I am sexually and romantically turned on by guys. I denied it for a while, thought I must be defective, perhaps it can change. By age 14 or 15 is when, with great reluctance, I accepted that this is a part of me.

At church it was taught that people are like this because they lack faith, so I tried to be the most faithful person, swatting away any questions or doubts, trying to be the best in class and activities. And every little, minor mistake was crushing because it was making me not good enough for God to fix. That was a stressful way to approach life.

I had a great deal of fear to come out. I continued to try to please God. I served a 2-year mission. I went to the Church schools. While in college is when I really came to terms with this is never changing.

I remained closeted for a long time, much longer than I wanted to. The longer I was in the closet, the harder it seemed to come out because it meant admitting that so much of my life, at least as I presented it, was a lie. Staying in the closet kept my world intact. Much of my family’s life revolves around church. Being a member of this church gives me a social network, a map of life goals, and an identity. Coming out meant I could lose all of it and I had no idea what life would be without those things.

Squashing all my romantic and sexual feelings also shuts down most other feelings. I spent my 20’s & 30’s feeling numb, like I was watching life but not a part of it. I finally reached the point where I was thought, “What’s the point of having a life if I wasn’t going to live?” As I was approaching my 40th birthday, I decided it’s time for a change. It was hard to share the secret I had spent my life guarding, and for a while I was very cautious and only came out one person at a time, no big announcement.

There are many things about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints that I really like, things that resonate with me. I like that our God isn’t silent, that God answers prayers and is wants to reveal new things to us. That as individuals and as a church, we learn & progress, line upon line, always becoming better. I love the idea that the ultimate goal is for all people to be unified and linked to each other, that it matters how we treat each other because we need each other. Mormons are really good at building community and a sense of belonging. One thing that helps is the idea of all truth being circumscribed into one great whole, including scientific knowledge. Plus, this church taught me a language to understand spiritual things. I’ve learned a lot about being a better person, to serve and to be empathetic. It’s just that where church intersects with how I was made by our Creator, there is tension.

When I was 18 and the bishop spoke to me about going on a mission, I went home and prayed and asked if God could love me, love what I am. It’s really sad that a person can grow up in church and not even know that. I felt waves of love, warmth and goose bumps radiate across my body and a voice say “you are not broken.” That experience sustained me for many years.

Being gay complicates church for me. Questions that have simple answers for others are complex for me. There’s no way for me to complete the covenant path, I can’t achieve the goals that our religion says should be the purpose of my life.

In November 2015 I was serving as the Stake Young Men president when the Policy of Exclusion was leaked. I was so upset by it that I nearly walked away. Only an impression that God had a work for me to do if I was willing to stay kept me in the Church. In January 2016 my calling changed, and this is my 5th year being the stake executive secretary, which means I am in all the highest councils of my stake. This calling also means I get to meet all General Authorities who come here, I’ve interacted with 10 Seventies & apostles. I still get invited to participate in stake youth activities and have spoken to my stake’s youth about being LGBT. I had a blog post go viral and that led to hundreds of LGBTQ+ teens & twenty-somethings who contacted me to ask questions or who were hurting, and I’ve stayed up late into the night many a time trying to keep them safe. I’ve been invited to share my story on several pages and a few podcasts.

All of this is well beyond what I could have imagined in 2015 when I decided to stay. But this isn’t my work forever. I will again have to revisit the decision to stay or leave. Being in this church has caused serious mental health issues, including suicidal moments, that I’ve had to get help for. I want to love and be loved. I’m tired of going to church and then something is said which wounds, which even if the speaker wasn’t meaning to be unkind, those little surprises still sting. I want to be happy.

I have to figure out what a successful life looks like for me, what the purpose of my life is, how God wants me to partner with Him in the work He is doing in the world today.

I think back to how I felt when I prayed to know if God loves me and how that felt. I don’t think God views being gay as incompatible with the gospel. I’m certain the author of diversity has accounted for it in His Plan. I just wish this church could see it that way.

[dailyaudiobible]

07/19/2021 DAB Transcript

1 Chronicles 28:1-29:30, Romans 5:6-21, Psalms 15:1-5, Proverbs 19:18-19

Today is the 19th day of July welcome to the Daily Audio Bible I’m Brian it is wonderful, truly a privilege, truly an honor that we can have this place, that we lovingly…we lovingly call the Global Campfire, that we have this place, and we can come and sit down and find rest for our weariness and let God's word speak, wash into our lives, changing the atmosphere. It is wonderful to be here with you. So, let’s dive in. We have been working our way through the book of first Chronicles for a bit. Today we will conclude first Chronicles and begin the second Chronicles tomorrow while at the same time continuing our journey through the book of Romans. So, first, First Chronicles chapters 28 and 29.

Commentary:

Okay. Since we have begun our journey through the letter to the Romans we've been reading Paul sort of laying out a foundational argument. And in part it is, are we adherence to Moses or are we adherence to Abraham. So, at the time, as Paul is speaking this at least as it relates to Hebrew like Orthodox Hebrew people who are trying to obey the Mosaic law, that's where their devotion really is, to that law, to the law of Moses. Moses is their great profit who led them into the promised land. They have to obey this law. It was revealed and given through Moses. And everybody could agree, like, okay, that's understandable. Paul's argument though is, wait…wait…Moses came later in our story, though, like a lot later, like centuries later. And, so, Paul’s like we do have a person that would be known as like our our father, like the patriarch, like the origin story and his name was Abraham. He’s the one that received the promise from God. God is the one that introduced himself to Abram and said come into a land I will show you and Abraham obeyed and believed and trusted God. That's the beginning of the story. And even there we can go, like, you, everybody would agree with that. But that's where it gets a little bit controversial because what…what Paul is laying out is Abraham didn't have the Mosaic law to obey. And, so, he couldn't…he couldn't fulfill it nor could he break it because it didn't exist. And yet Abraham still found a way to be righteous before God, right? And, so, all of the people are working and working working through the Mosaic law trying to adhere to the Mosaic law to be transformed and to become righteous before God thinking this is the path this is the way when Paul is saying, wait our father Abraham was counted righteous before God, not because he was circumcised or because he was following any of the prescribed laws and statutes. They didn't exist. He wasn't circumcised. He was righteous because he believed God, and God counted that faith, that belief, as a righteousness toward him. And, so, Paul’s saying, hang on. We gotta think this through. The law isn't gonna get us there. We've been trying to achieve it for thousands of years. Nobody can achieve perfection through the law because nobody can obey it perfectly. And, so, to Paul then the law becomes something that reveals that, that reveals our sin, that reveals that we break God's law. It’s there to know that we've broken it and realize that we are helpless, and we are hopeless to ever achieve righteousness in our own strength before God. That's kind of where we pick up today. That's how our reading starts today. When we were on utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. And that kinda catches up…catches up to where we are. And we who believe, you know, we…we…we…this is…these are essential Christian faith things to know and understand and…and live into. So, we know these things and we can read them in letters like Romans and go what's the big deal. like it's so clear. it makes so much sense or it…it…it bears witness to my heart and I believe. But at the time, at the time that this letter is being written and being read this quite controversial because it looks like Paul is diminishing the power of the Mosaic law and that law is what the people have organized themselves around. It is sort of a centerpiece to their society and their understanding of how to how to live. So, for Paul to be speaking against the law of Moses this is heresy this is…I mean this is…this is why in the book of Acts we see people taking vows to kill Paul if they can get a chance to assassinate him. And make no mistake, this is radical…this is…these are radical declarations that the law shows us our sin and we are utterly dependent on God and our par, our role is…is to believe. We believe that that we are sinless because of Christ. Like, that’s the thing. We believe that we have been made righteous before God, and we are not wallowing in our sin. We are free from it through Christ Jesus. That's…that still needs to sink into our hearts and souls and minds because we still walk around feeling like we’re failing a lot of the time, and we then look at everybody else and how they're feeling and we become judgmental and it really, really twists us inside and…inside-out when what the radical nature of the gospel is is that we are free, sinless, free through Christ Jesus. We can still choose to rebel. We still have a will. We can walk away anytime we want to walk away, but we don't have to, and it's not being held against us. That is radical, very radical at the time, but still transformative. It has shifted the world. And were we to be able to embrace it fully it would shift our existence in this world.

Prayer:

Holy Spirit, come. We invite You most every day to lead us into all truth, to lead us deeper into Jesus to enlighten and open our eyes to see Your kingdom at work in this world and to give us an understanding heart and mind as we continue our journey through the Scriptures so that we might live into this reality through faith in You. We ask in the name of Jesus. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is home base, it’s the website, it’s where you find out what's going on around here. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app you can find out what's going on around here from there. So, at the website there’s a navigation panel at the top. In the app you just push the Drawer icon in the upper left-hand corner.

You can find things like the Daily Audio Bible Shop as well as the Community section where the Prayer Wall lives and all the different links to get connected on social media. So, be aware of both of those things and participate in any way that you want, any way that you can. Always know that the Prayer Wall is there, it's just good to know. Life has its challenges and its ups and downs and sometimes maybe when we’re really self-focused, one of the things that really gets our minds of our own problems is interceding, commiserating, being together with someone else in their struggles and knowing that we’re not alone in hours makes a lot of difference. So, be familiar with the Prayer Wall.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, if this mission to bring the spoken word of God to whoever will listen to it anywhere on this planet any time of day or night, and to build community around that, if that has made a difference in your world then thank you for your partnership. There is a link on the homepage at dailyaudiobible.com. If you’re using the app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or encouragement you can hit the Hotline button in the app or you can dial 877-942-4253.

And that's it for today. I’m Brian and I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi this is Bonnie from Virginia today is July 14th and I heard 16-year-old teenaged boy asking for prayer as he had __ and was requesting for prayers. We’ll be praying for you. You didn't leave your name but since you said you were 16 years old, we will be remembering you in our prayer. It's so great to know that Brian and family I would like to thank you because this podcast has been blasting to everyone. I hear children calling, teenagers, young adults, and adults. It has blessed everyone in this world. Thank you for doing this. And I also wanted to pray for Andrew the 21-year-old, I think you said your name is Andrew and is going to college and was asking for some guidance about prayer help. It is so wonderful to see and hear these teenagers and young adults also listening to this podcast and trusting in God and praying for each other. It's very wonderful. Please continue to trust in God and He will always be with you all especially the teenagers, kids, and the young adults. We all love you.

Good afternoon DAB family this is Shandra calling from Maryland. I'm going to try to get through this as quickly as I can without crying. Thank everyone, thank you Brian, thank you Jill, thank you the whole Hardin family. I thank you Blind Tony. I thank you for all of the trusting encouragers and intercessors who just leave the messages when they feel one way but the fact that what they left really encourages us. And in saying that I wanted to reach out to Tessie from Texas. I heard your message concerning the prayer by a little Sherry. I just wanted to share with both of you I completely understand. I have been dealing with multiple sclerosis since 2002 and in 2016 after a fall I've been in a wheelchair since then. And at first it was very hard but by God's grace He used some other people and some things to help me be able to deal with that and not to lose hope. And I won't just I just want to encourage not only both of you but everyone else like ourselves who are going through __ issues whether they're in a wheelchair, a crutch or a cane, that, you know, the Lord has made us who we are and I thank you for the encouraging word from Isaiah chapter 40. Even though I've heard it many at times I have another perspective that I can use to apply to my life and I ask that you all to not only continue to pray for me but pray for everyone else especially who's going through any type of fatigue or injury or dealing with some kind of issue…

[singing starts] there is a balm in Gilead. There is a balm in Gilead, and he is mighty, and He is holy, and He has come to save. There is a balm in Gilead. There is a balm in Gilead, and He is righteous, and He is worthy, and He has risen from the grave [singing stops]. Gracious heavenly Father, Lord Jesus, Holy Spirit I just come before You Lord and I ask for Your blessing and Your love, outrageous lovingkindness upon those in our family that are hurting today. I especially think of Lady of Victory, and I ask Lord that You would just comfort her and her daughters and her ex-husband Lord God and Kingdom Seeker Daniel and all of our family Father God that are morning with them. Lord God surround them with love and bless them in Jesus’ name. Amen. Treasured Possession.

I'm Hopelessly Shipwrecked and I need your prayers to help me get back on track with God. I served God for 50 years in ministry and I've failed many times. I've sinned and in darkness and depression I feel like I've lost everything that I ever hoped for. I'm not even sure if I belong to Him anymore. And I feel like I'm being…we’re in the middle of a spiritual war that I can't seem to climb out of the darkness. And I've…I lost a daughter years ago and I just recently lost my son on Mother's Day for…with COVID and many others this year. And I just need prayers to find God again in my life and help me fight the spiritual battles and know that I've been forgiven as I can be right with God again. Thank you.

Hello Daily Audio Bible this is Irina from Boise ID I've been listening to DAB since 09 but this is my first time calling and I want to just leave this message for pastor Brian Hardin. And I say thank you so much for today's message. This is July 16th and I just I just loved…I love every day when you read and how you explain everything, but it blesses me so much. And today I really got blessed by your message about imperfections, how you said I am imperfect but I'm in a relationship with perfection who is God. And that blessed me so much because I'm not boasting about my imperfections, I’m boasting about a perfect God who loves me despite my imperfections. And He helps me see His goodness past my imperfections. Because sometimes I have people that say how can you be so nice because they did so and so to you this and that and then I tell them, well I'm glad you asked. See, I serve a perfect God who loves imperfect me. He gives me strength to be…to love others even with their imperfections. So, thank you brother so much for the time you put in with us, for the love that we feel from you, and just your dedication to God's word is just blesses each and every person that ever listens. So, God bless you. Continue a great work for the Lord and we love you all. Bye-bye.

[theexecutionerssong]

Hey Gaëlle ! Est-ce-que tu aurais des recommendations de fic Destiel ? Sans trop de smut, surtout pas beta/Omega (c'est même plus du smut à ce niveau-là...) et beaucoup de pining ? ( Je devrai être en train de réviser mes partiels d'ailleurs... 😅). Merci beaucoup ! 😌

Hellooo ! Alors tu as frappé à la bonne porte parce que je lis jamais de smut, ou alors quand c’est dans des longues fics, je passe juste ces passages là. (mais j’aime beaucoup les fic a/b/o qui ont pas de smut, parce que les sentiments sont quintuplés donc pining + angst on a whole other level). Y’a peu de fluff dans mes fics préférées, love me some angsty life and death moments, mais ça finit toujours bien. Enfin. Vérifie les tags quand même :)))) J’ai mis les liens, si y’a pas c’est qu’elles ont été supprimées mais j’ai les pdf donc hit me up.Et révise tes partiels !!!!

CANON

A turn of the earth -https://archiveofourown.org/works/5138552/chapters/11825306

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

Probably my favorite fic set in Canon. It’s set around season 11, and I love how we dive into Dean’s past pre-series and then as time goes by, we catch up with the show timeline’s. It’s incredibly well written.

525,600 Minutes - https://archiveofourown.org/works/507228/chapters/892693

A man wakes up alone on the streets of Detroit. Lost and somehow forgotten, he's dressed in blood-soaked clothing without memories and without a name.

This is his journey to find it.

It was first published in 2012 set after s5, but it was rewritten last year. I still have the old version for nostalgia’s sake but the new version is even better. It’s got some amnesia so great for pining :))))

The inexhaustible silence of houses -https://archiveofourown.org/works/560268/chapters/1000755

Almost two years after the world doesn't end, Castiel falls from grace—and loses his voice in the process. It is the impetus for confession and change; before long, he is settling into a loving relationship with Dean, the Winchesters are tired, and hunting for a place to land has taken precedence to hunting anything else. Dean and Castiel fall in love with the strange little house on the end of Swallowtail Drive, and for a little while life is as it should be—sweet, affectionate, and beginning afresh.

But more and more Castiel sees and hears things in the house that beg the question of whether or not a place itself can be alive. The walls and rooms seem to shift and grow and breathe, and one night, Dean comes home from a hunt changed in a way that Castiel cannot explain. In the months that follow, their domestic bliss takes turns for the dark and sour, and the confusion of their circumstances will ultimately test everything Castiel knows about the man he loves, and everything he believes to be true.

Listen, I cried. I cried SO MUCH. There was a lil fandom war going on for a time between which was the hardest, this one or Twist and Shout, and both destroy me completely. But this one is set in canon and closer to the characters, to me, so I’ll always recommend this one first (unless you want a happy ending, in which case, don’t read it)

Only if for a night - https://archiveofourown.org/works/826303

Castiel is captured by a djinn. Dean goes slightly crazy, and Cas discovers a thing or two about himself.

I’m a sucker for Dean/Cas in Djinn verse and this one is by far my favorite.

The Bird That Feels The Light (not slash) https://archiveofourown.org/works/210860

AU from 5.18 (or thereabouts). Castiel awakens in the middle of a smoking crater, stranded and very much human. According to the people who have discovered him, it’s six months to the day after Michael and Lucifer faced off on the field of battle outside of Detroit, and Castiel isn’t the only one to have returned. When, at his insistence, they take him to this other person, he finds a child –a little boy– and realizes that, contrary to all his expectations, he has been reunited with Dean Winchester. The world has changed in their absence, and not for the better. Sam is gone, whether dead or simply missing is uncertain. Castiel is given the name of a man in Idaho who may have answers for him. He is faced with the task of travelling cross-country with Dean, who is dependent on him now in ways he never was before, in order to discover the truth. But along the way, as he and Dean learn to know and trust each other once more, Castiel begins to realize that the answers he thought he wanted might not be the ones he needs.

It’s not slash at all since Dean is a kid but I’ve read it probably about 20 times and I still love it as the first time. There’s just something about human Castiel carrying a 4 year old Dean across the world and fighting monsters and demons and humans to survive that gets to me.

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built - https://archiveofourown.org/works/747324

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.) A post-08.17 Goodbye, Stranger story.

If you want pining, this one is definitely for you.

Last Man Standing - https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8363328/1/Last-Man-Standing

This one is set just after the season 7 finale, it’s a Purgatory fic with so.much.pining I always need to hold a pillow to my chest when I read it or I go insane sdfghjkl I haven’t read it in probably 4 years but I remember absolutely loving it.

Outrun my gun - https://archiveofourown.org/works/281887/chapters/448388

"The two of you are so stubborn you've made Heaven blink." Finally convinced that Sam and Dean will never say yes and accept their destinies, Heaven and Hell come up with a new plan, one that will redraw the Apocalypse and make everything run much more smoothly. All they need is Dean Winchester's soul.

Don’t mind the MCD tag, it’s got a happy ending. Also a classic set in canon, it’s from 2011 so quite oldish but it’s incredible how the characterization is on point. Love love love it.

AU

Tramps Like Us

Dean Winchester's life is falling apart. He's lost his job, his apartment, and his brother, all in one day. He seems to break everything he touches. Frustrated and alone, he drives off into the night with no idea where he's headed. But then he meets Castiel Novak, a quiet and reclusive man with a haunted past, and suddenly he finds himself with a very specific destination in mind.

I feel like everyone has read Tramps Like Us but just in case, I’ll put it on the list. Not sure what I can say that hasn’t been said by half this website already but well… it deserves the hype.

Til The Last - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1001935/chapters/1984189

When the war came, Dean Winchester was determined that he was not going to get involved. He had more important things to worry about than some rich man’s fight. He had work on the farm and he had taking care of his family. Nothing else was worth his worry. But in August in the Year of Our Lord 1863, when the soldiers came knocking, they weren’t asking. They dragged Dean away. 

Dean and Cas have been best friends since they were kids. When Dean is drafted into the Confederate army, to what lengths will Castiel go to ensure that Dean makes it back home alive?

OH BOY. OHHHHH I could talk about that one until the day I die. It’s a complete AU but it has great parallels to canon, it’s incredibly well written, humanity in all it’s ugly truth and “I will fight for you ‘til the last, Dean Winchester” jesus christ it’s so good, so good

Out of the Deep - https://archiveofourown.org/works/548878

Stay away from the light-beds. Stay in the deep.

It is the first thing hatchlings are taught the moment their fans unfurl and they can swim without their parents to buoy them along. It is the first rule, the first law. It is the beginning of every boogey-monster bedtime story told when they settle against the cliffs to sleep.

Castiel should have listened better.

I love everything she writes but I think this one if my favorite. It’s sooooo long, and angsty as fuck but all ends well and it has some very fluffy moments. If you’re into this kinf of AU then 100% go for it.

To Raise a King - https://archiveofourown.org/works/1961403

This must be some kind of horrible joke at Castiel’s expense. Is he truly expected to protect a King? One who has been their enemy for as long as he can remember? He is much more suited to being a part of the army, or at the very least someone who helps to train the knights. That would be far more preferred than having to watch over the King. It means Castiel would get to keep fighting – and that’s the only way he knows to give meaning to his life.

An AU too, Cas is tasked to watch over Sam and Dean -there’s an 8 year age difference between Dean and Cas. I loved it because it’s set over about 15 years and Cas is asexual and I love time period AU in general :’)

Painted Angels https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085792

Author Castiel Novak has finally hit the big time, with a book based on his failed college relationship with a brilliant painter. He's put all his pain behind him, but at a book signing, he comes face to face with Dean Winchester for the first time in twelve years, and the reunion doesn't go like Cas hoped. Dean's a broken man, with a lot of scars and secrets, shoulders weighed down by his demons and self loathing. Cas sees a second chance with the man he's never stopped loving, but Dean's moved on, and is about to get married. Sam launches a "brilliant" plan to reunite his brother and his best friend, but Cas is worried it will all blow up in their faces, and he'll go through the agony of losing Dean a second time.

This one is hard to read because for the most part, it’s heartbreaking. There are happy flashbacks all along but it’s still hard when what happens in the present it’s a fucking tragedy. But I would still read it a thousand times over, and the timestamp completely make up for all the pining and the angst. It’s rare to find fics that last an entire lifetime.

[ask-xayah-therebel]

What to do, what to do.

I feel like I really oughta do something with this account considering it’s existed under approximately seven different URLs, and this is quite literally the first post on it in.. Three(?) years of having the account.

Idk if anyone will ever even see this to be honest, it’s kinda weird. Part of me wants to get back into league RP stuff, but that shit was hella fucked, and so many people in it left such a sour taste in the back of my mouth. Like, probably over 70% of every encounter i’ve had with someone that I can still look back on and go “what the everloving fuck” in disgust is from that community.

But, it was kinda fun. Somehow.

The other part of me however is going “Why the fuck would you do that” and instead just wants to write, so this might just turn out to be one of those things where I’ll every now and then put a short drabble or some shit on and kinda hope I don’t hate it, just to keep myself writing and hoping.

The third and final part though just kinda wants to use it as a blog- I only ever really come on here now when i’m drinking anyway, so using it as an emotional outlet could be very interesting. Simultaneously though, I tried using that coping mechanism before and it was bad. Like, hella bad. 15 year old me was stupid.

Speaking of, holy shit it’s been a while since I first set out on here. Six years. I’ve made and lost so many friends since then- Through here, and outside of the site. Think about it, so many trends and people have come and gone over the last six years, to a point that I remember worrying if my writing would ever be good enough, and here I am at doing a university course to make computer games. Never woulda thought it’d be possible back then.

Of course, if you said to me six years ago “Kid, in six years time you’re going to have made some fucking terrible decisions but you’ll have come to terms with almost all of them. In six years time, you’ll be doing a course on something you currently dream of. In six years time, you’re up at 4am drinking and writing what amounts to a small essay on god knows what.” I’d go “yeah you’re talking out of your ass, now go away so i can fuck exams up some more”.

The world changes so much, it’s so weird. Kinda cool though.

Anyway, I’ll probably come back to this with some kinda answer in the next several days when I’m procrastinating doing my animation assignment that’s due in.. Three days time? And I still need to actually learn to animate, and create several game ready animations, then import them into a game platform. Christ.

Welp. To future me- I hope you fucking did your assignment and got it in on time.

To anyone reading this- I’m amazed you found this, and am very, very concerned that you did. Like i don’t know if you were stalking old blog names of mine and found this one with this post? Or if tumblr just recommended it because this website is a shithole. But congrats for making it through this far either way, I guess.

Speaking of.. Jesus I’ve had a lot of blogs haven’t I. Katarinaishyperashell, lady-of-clockwork, yasuothetempest, ask-xayah-therebel, adanceofbladesandblood.. That’s quite a few aye. And that ain’t counting the ones I’ve remade over the years, or can’t remember the names of.

So many people who convinced me to stick around on those blogs, so many of them that made me so happy. And depressingly, I can’t remember a single one of them.

Well. I remember them, but the ones I remember have already moved on as far as I know. A shame, but I’m glad they ain’t doing what I’m doing, sat here typing out their thoughts while being blinded by the white log that is this text box. Or maybe they are, and I just don’t know it.

Regardless, I should probably sleep or at least get my sorry ass in bed. Got lots of animation work to do tomorrow.

So, to anyone who has found this and read through it all, congratulations on getting through the ramblings of a man who really needs a sleeping schedule and to do their assignments. If you skipped to the end, I don’t really blame you either. But aye, if anyone who’s read this remembers any of those old blogs- I feel hella bad for you, but hit me up. Chat about memories n all that jazz.

Take care, and sleep well.

[wonderlandentertainmentllc]

Faith &  Labels

Is the title of the blog throwing you off? In all honesty, this blog has been stirring in me for a while for various reasons. Last week I was invited to a Bible Study group and something was said during the study that really pushed me to finally write it. 

What do I mean by labels? What does it have to do with Faith?

Our Faith is so important. Is your Faith the size of a mustard seed or is it as large as a mountain? Sometimes my Faith is as small as a mustard seed and sometimes its as large as a mountain. I’ve always had a shell around me. Some people come into my life and are able to tear some of it down. I have trust issues and if you know my story, you know why. Over the years, I learned that the only one that can tear it completely down is GOD. I don’t have a lot of Faith in people. It’s like trust.

Labels, let’s talk about labeling yourself and others. I was the world’s worst about labeling myself. I’ve allowed others to label me as well. We all go through trials and tribulations, but we shouldn’t put a label on ourselves or allow others to label us for the things we’ve gone through. If you look at it from a biblical perspective, that’s judging someone. 

Me? I’m probably harder on myself than anyone else is. But, it hurts way worse when someone does it.

Matthew 7:1-2 says “Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.”

I’m a curvier woman than most. Yes, I do have underlining medical issues that causes me to be overweight, but I am a foodie. Is it okay for someone to call me fat, fatso, oh here’s a good one, a hippo? ABSOLUTELY NOT!! It’s not okay for anyone to say that to me. Is it okay for someone who dislikes cops to call them pigs? NO! Same thing, different problem. We won’t even go into calling someone a white supremacist, racial slurs, etc. Those are bad any way you look at it. 

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” ~John 15:12

I love everyone, period. I love people from all backgrounds. I don’t care if you come from a different religious background, agnostic or an atheist. I love you. I don’t care if you black, white, brown, yellow, purple, I LOVE YOU! Do you see all the ‘labels’ there? The color of our skin doesn’t matter. What does matter? That we are CHILDREN OF GOD!! 

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment. ~John 7:24

People these days are breaking my heart with their behavior. Passing judgement on others when they don’t look like them, think like them, etc. I’ve been seeing videos online from websites that are unpartisan and non-biased. Those young people (because the majority of them are young) come across foolish and hateful. I pray for these young people every day. They are killing people for no reason. They are defaming churches, government property, injuring themselves and others. And for what?

With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love ~Ephesians 4:2

WE MUST DO BETTER! WE MUST BE THE HANDS, FEET AND HEART OF JESUS CHRIST!! 

Stop labeling yourself with words like depressed, anxious, overweight, skinny, white, black, brown, victim, abused, fighter, angry, hateful. Instead, use words like survivor, humble, love or the best of all CHILD OF GOD!

Spread love not hate. Godspeed...

[animecat33]

I’m in a mood, so here’s some an extremely long post with shit conflict that happened on deviantart when i was younger that i’m still petty about and i wanna vent about it because if i wasn’t so young i woldn’t have let people step on me like that

No one should read this, tbh, it’s a fucking horror show out here 

oc: Shinju

When i made her it was the first time one of my ocs had like effort put into it, i designed her, make her backstory, put her in kirigakure, and i spent a long time researching names for her, looking up japanese words that i think would fit her, Ren Takeo

One person commented saying that they had an with the same name, from the same village, though they didn’t mean any harm by saying that, and even said it was fine

Here’s where it gets tricky.

I then got comments and private messages from OTHER PEOPLE telling me to change the name

So, like the weak bitch i was, i changed her name 

Oc: Roxy

I’ve talked about this one before, but i have this sonic oc named Roxy, i loved her, she was a bit edgy but like, queen, 10 years ago we were ALL edgy

I really wanted Roxy to be a lesbian, but i didn’t like, put that in the info, at the time gay ocs we’re really taken very well by the community, plus a few of my art friends were very iffy anytime i implied that some of my ocs might not be 100% straight.

now, i WANTED Roxy to be a lesbian but i was guilt tripped by some dude to roleplay with him, no matter now many time i said i didn’t roleplay, he wouldn’t take no for an answer and I was very easily guilt tripped into eventually saying yes

A roleplay starts with Roxy and his Male wolf characer, John, when we started he assured that they were gonna be friends but one thing lead to another and he pressured me into role playing a sex scene, i was 14, i didn’t want to, didn’t even know how to write that. At that age i hadn’t really even seen porn before, but a few days of mowing down my boundries and he guilt trips me into saying yes.

At that point, he essencially took Roxy and did whatever the hell he wanted with her. Next thing i know, Roxy was married to this male character and they had a baby? I even ended up making some art of them because he kept saying how he was tired of making all the artwork himself.

Thank god, eventually he forgot about me and Roxy for a lot time. The last time i talked to him was on a pm where he warned me he was gonna delete all his ocs, including Roxy and Johns child, i think he wanted me to convince him not to do it but by that time i was older and just said “alright man, see ya”

Thank fuck, that problem solved itself, but i’d be better off not going through it in the first place

The cosplay hellhole

When i first started cosplaying, i posted my pictures to DA too, since there was a cosplay community there, didn’t think anything would happen

When i got my first Harley wig and makeup i was so excited i posted them on deviantart, and they did quite well, tbh. Some people asked for fansigns, and i didn’t even know who those were but, once it was explained to me, i did some for people who requested them, from there it was also fine, but stay tuned, cause it’s gonna bite me in the ass later down the line

I start getting wierd dms, very sexual in nature, which grossed me out, since i was already 20 it wasn’t like, illegal or anything, but there was a pattern of people asking for sexual content followed by “it’s okay if you say no, though” and when i said no, they would be pissed at me, calling me a whore, saying if i didn’t want attention, i wouldn’t cosplay Harley.... keep in mind, all of my photos where from the shoulder up at this point, i muscle through this time, i’ve been harrassed enough to have a lil bit thicker skin.

But over time, the pile up of messages from diferent accounts were getting to me, and i was starting to delete photos.

AND THEN

He said he was embarrassed of having to send me these things but if i wanted the photo taken down i’d have to report it myself, thankfully he also found the direct link to the report page so i didn’t have to dig through the website. Thankfully the report worked and the photo was taken down

I receive a pm from a friend that scared the shit out of me. He was going through this porn website called Xhamster, he recognises someone using one of my fansigns as a photo, now he KNOWS this isn’t me, because i’ve been vocal about not wanting to be sexualized while in cosplay. Someone took one of the fansigns, edited out the words, flipped the image, and photoshopped their own signature on to the sign in hopes of like... getting verified or something?. In short this person was using my photo as if it was a photo of them.

That mixed in with the still incoming pms from creeps made me delete every cosplay photo i’ve ever posted on deviantart.

Years later i did post new cosplay stuff again, now giving a warning right at the top of the description and being very okay with using the block button to my leisure.

I’m taking a long as fuck hiatus from posting on deviantart, it’s been over a year now, but i still go on a block spree when someone breaks the rules i’ve set 

The whole “Luís” saga

Sit down for this one, it’s the weirdest one

I had a friend named Luís, we weren’t super close, in fact he was mean to me a lot, making fun of my english, even though neither of us were native speakers, refering to my home country as “Spain’s bitch”. Sending me cartoon porn when i was underaged was a big red flag that i didn’t even think was a big deal until i was older and thought back on it, like that was fucked up.

One day, i had critiques open, Luís sends a super spammy message and then blocks me. I was like “okay, whatever, i’m tired anyway” and i blocked him back.

THAT is when shit hit the fan

He tries to unblock me and talk to me, when that doesn’t work he makes a secondary account and starts sending me very aggressive pms. I’m was tired of how he acted with me, plus something about him being so desperate to be unblocked didn’t sit right, so i just blocked the new accounts

He made 15 separate accounts, getting more and more angry with each one, i block all 15.

Suddenly i’m getting pms in english and spanish from people i’ve never interacted with, but aparently Luís had told them i was being some sort of monster, some of them backed off after seeing the full picture, the others got blocked

Luís girlfriend was friends with me.

He then threatned to leave her if she didn’t block me.... she left HIM, and now I’M being blamed for that

Someone shared some uuuuhhhh fanart he drew of her after that, it was super sus, it was a comic about him seducing her with a kiss in order to make her hate someone, girl you’re better off without him, jesus christ

Now shit starts moving off of deviantart

He finds my personal facebook, which was NOT disclosed to the public, and starts messaging me, from there he found my twitter, youtube, skype, starts messaging my irl friends, quite a lot of them did not even know english at the time.

In the few messages before i blocked him, i warned him to stop, i warned him he was stalking me online and that shit isn’t okay. THIS DUDE 

this dude replied with “it’s not stalking because i’m younger than you”

BOI

this happened over the course of a year, and it was the first time i ever reported someone, hell it’s the first time i’ve seen a report be successful, because i contact deviantart with a list of everything he’s done, screenshots to prove it, links to his separate accounts where all the comments are ONLY about me

a week later they DELETE THIS MAN’S WHOLE ACCOUNT

I have not heard from him in almost a decade

This is like, the ONE TIME i feel like i won

Aaand well, done, those are the most serious one, there’s some minor shit that’s not worth talking about, but looking back, wow, i used to get a lot of sexual harassment on deviantart huh?

[m39]

Homestuck 11th anniversary/413 AKA Why I have more tolerance towards the Epilogues

WARNING!

THIS TEXT IS OVER 1.5 THOUSAND OF WORDS LONG!

Enjoy.

EH MAH GERD! E EASTIT MOON BUCKETS!

Wait…

EH MAH GERD!!! E HAMSTEAK BORTH TOOT!!!

And only on this time of year, when we have two holidays, we can talk about the thing that everyone in the Homestuck fandom loves: The Epilogues! :D

Everyone is pointing a gun at you.

OH FUCK!!

You duck behind your desk while everyone else is shooting.

JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST!!! CALM YOUR ASSES DOWN!!!!!

10 minutes later. You check out of you can stand up.

H-hello?

…

Can I talk now??

…

PERFECT!!

As you can see, today is not only the 11th anniversary of Homestuck but also the 1st anniversary of its Epilogues. Now, imagine one year ago, you were waiting almost 2.5 year for the Epilogues (three years if you don’t count Credits). You wanted to know the answers to many questions such as: Is Lord English defeated once and for all? What happened to that post-Retcon worthless c8nt who lost all of her character development? Is Terezi going to be okay? etc. Sure you got some supplementary stuff like the 1st act of Hiveswap (after like 5 years after its announcement, despite all of its development problems), Friendsim (that visual novel that detailed characters that will appear in later acts of Hiveswap), you read some fanfics like Cool And New Web Comic (personal opinion: very fucking good) and Vast Error (I didn’t read this one but I heard it was good and many people behind it are working with the WhatPumpkin team and on the other official Homestuck shit), there were some official snapchat photos and while those were very good, you knew that they will mean nothing when the Epilogues will drop in. And they finally does, on the Homestuck’s 10th anniversary no less. So you click on The Homestuck Epilogues, happy and excited as fuck and the first thing you see is… an introduction page ripped straight out of AO3.

You earn what can be basically described as a punch in the face where the metaphorical fist is filled with confusion. But it doesn’t end here. Then you notice something more disturbing in content warning and characters:

Rape? Abuse?? Existential Crisis?!? OC?!?! Polyamory?!?!?! GENDER TRANSITION?!??!?!?!?! BARACK! FUCKING!! OBAMA?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?

Like what in the actual fuck is happening?!!

Then you read the Prologue and you are like: Uhm… Okay. It’s not that bad at all, like, far from it. Maybe that AO3 page is just a joke? Everything will be alright right? RIGHT?!?

Then one week later Hussie (with help of some people) drops two nukes on fandom and it all goes to hell. No seriously, it’s like Hussie built Little Boy and Fat Man expies titled Meat and Candy, dropped them on fandom in which the centers of explosions were Dirk’s and Jane’s fandoms respectively and delivered some of the biggest Broken Base effect in Homestuck after like Act 6. Nothing was the same after that. Everybody were fighting each other over who was right, people didn’t even know what was canon anymore and even up to this date people are still misgendering Roxy for fucks sake (it’s not even that hard to remember it: she/her for the Alpha Roxy and her Candy counterpart and he/him for the Meat one; come on man)!

From what I’ve (mostly) seen on Tumblr, most of the Homestuck fans hates it to the bones. Only some individuals actually like them and I happened to be one of those people who likes the Epilogues.

Everyone is pointing a gun at you. Again.

OH COME ON MA-

One hour later.

CAN I FINALLY TALK WITHOUT ENDING UP FUCKING HANGED?!?

…

Bogan: y̵i̸s̷.̵.̶.̶

THANK YOU!

Now, I don’t really care who likes the Epilogues and who doesn’t. Everyone has different opinions. But something tells me that the Epilogues (at least here on Tumblr) are overhated. Like, sometimes, the negativity towards the Epilogues is so big that it makes me feel like I was in Star Wars fandom. And when fandom starts to look like the Star Wars one, you know you are in deep shit.

But you might be thinking by now: Dude, where are going with all of this shit?! Well my dear… uhm… pickles? The point of all of this is that I want to share something with you. And that is the reason. The (main) reason why I (in worst case) have more tolerance towards The Homestuck Epilogues than most of the people (on Tumblr).

When I started writing this long as fuck text I thought that I would easily give more reasons, in other words, give like 3-4 points why I like the Epilogues. But then again it’s better said than done because most of them are connected to this fact:

THE. EPILOGUES. ARE. MOSTLY. NOT. CANON.

This is the reason why I like them, why I can tolerate them. The Epilogues are mostly happening in two new timelines, different from the Alpha one. It’s even stated (or at worst implied) by Jade in Homestuck^2’s 6th chapter that the Meat timeline (and also possibly the Candy one) is not the Alpha one:

The reason why the Epilogues are mostly not canon is that the characters from the Alpha timeline (Terezi, Vriska, Aradia, Sollux, Alt!Calliope etc.) make an appearance in one of the timelines (some of them in both).

Some people who hate the Epilogues stated that it RUINED some of the characters no matter if they liked them or not. That’s kind of… over-the-top because characters that are not from the Alpha timeline are clearly in some cases not the same ones that we know as I see it (at least in case of Neo-Condesce and Doc Strider) as a fuck you towards those fanfics that like to shove Ron the Death Eater and Character Derailment tropes down our throats because some fanfic creators didn’t like some of the characters from the original work.

In other words: Almost all of the characters from the Alpha timeline are the same characters as we know at the very end of Homestuck.

There are still lesser things that I find myself enjoying in the Epilogues:

-          The writing is on a very good level and when it’s pissing someone of it’s not from incompetence,

-          Post-Retcon Vriska actually gets some actual character development instead of ending up as a useless piece of shit that only insults everyone who achieved much more than she ever would (I mean it took (at least) almost 4 years for this to happen but still),

-          The fact that behind Neo-Condesce’s and Doc Strider’s turn to evil is some actual sense, like with the former one it was mind manipulations in her childhood (not to mention the literal mind control by Post-Scratch Meenah) and the latter one (in order to become ultimate) ending up absorbing some of the versions of himself that are basically a massive shitheads (like Bro, Hal, even Caliborn counts),

There are still other pros that either I can’t remember or they are too minor co count.

Does all of this mean that the Epilogues are flawless? PFFFFFF! Of course not. Nothing is perfect. There are some stuff that I don’t like.

The biggest one is that the Epilogues are sometimes overcrowded with so many words detailing every single thing that it actually becomes a slog to get through even one chapter (but then again, this is the reason why I don’t enjoy reading books). Sure, the original comic is like almost thrice as long as the fucking Lord of the Rings in case of the dialogue but it has pictures and animations to be more pleasant for the eyes. Which leads to another con: No. Fucking. Pictures. If I want to look for the details, then at least show me something else than words. Every fucking time I must look at dozens of words describing the most minuscule thing in the novel I’m like:

Also in terms of enjoyment I prefer the Meat Epilogue over the Candy one. When some people say that this book is a big, steaming pile of sadness and depression, at least the Meat part tells you from the start what kind of tone it’s going to have. The Candy part? Not so much. First it’s all happiness, (almost) everyone is happy, birds are happy, clouds are happy, nothing but happiness. And then you get punched in the gut, smashed into the ground and getting kicked over and over and over for so long that when the kicking finally stops it feels like 15 years passed by that time. And just to add up, the pacing in Meat is better than in Candy.

I’m going to piss you off even more but there are moments in the original Homestuck that are more cringe/rage inducing than some of the most painful ones from the Epilogues, particularly the intermissions in Act 6 Act 6 (DON’T GET ME STARTED ON WHAT HAPPENED TO BOTH SERKETS I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD).

…

…

…

Hey you.

…

Are you still reading this?

…

GOOD! Because you have reached the end of this long ass post that will get one like MAX. You know, like my other long ass posts. LOL AM I RIGHT?!?!

Jokes asides, we had a wild ride since the last 413. The Epilogues (despite what they are) gave us the answers to the biggest questions that Homestuck left for us, we got Pesterquest, the sequel to Friendsim that concluded the history of the MSPAReader (until another sequel -_-) and, of course, we got the official sequel to Homestuck, over 10.5 years later from the original comic’s debut. So, fuck ton of stuff throughout a year for me.

As for the Epilogues, look, I can, in some way, understand that some of you want to stay at least 10 km away from them but it has been a year (well technically almost a year) since they were published on the Homestuck’s official website. It might be a good time to read them once more. Without all of that hype they have built for 2.5 years after the credits. From the different perspective. Maybe even (and I dare to say it) right after yet another re-reading of Homestuck. Either way, remember that in most cases you can give someone or something another chance.

Before I’ll finally end this I must call out some of the more rabid Epilogues haters:

STOP TREATING THE ORIGINAL, ALPHA JANE THE SAME WAY AS A FUCKING NEO-CONDESCE!! THOSE TWO CHARACTERS ARE DIFFERENT CHARACTERS!! SAME WITH ALPHA DIRK AND DOC STRIDER!! MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND!!! STOP ACTING LIKE A BUNCH OF 12 YEAR OLD BRATS!!!

You are on your last breath.

Tha… that’s it! I’m done… wheeze S… See you next time. B-Bye now! Imma… Immabouttopffffffffffffffffffff-

You fall down on your floor after over 1.5 thousand words of talking. Suddenly you feel urge to check Twitter. You see that Homestuck^2 has just received another update. Roundabout starts playing in the background.

What?! And what is thi- PART ONE?!?!?! Oooooooooohhhhhhh ffffuuuuuuUUUUUUUU-

<--- TO BE CONTINUED