#I’ve been lucky enough see the new London cast a few times and they’re definitely a stronger ‘acting’ cast than ‘vocal’ cast

[itsallyscorner]

BABES! What is she’s a little mix member and a cast member of Spider-Man 💀

YES! Hiya my love and thank you for the request💜 I’m honestly so obsessed with these Little Mix requests, I didn’t think people would like them, but turns out people love them! I’m totally obsessed with these AHHH! Happy reading darling😌

💌.

Exposed

The girls aren’t really involved in this one, but they are mentioned💜 Heavy on the dialogue, I tried :)! This one’s more focused on Tom & reader:)

(Gif from Pinterest)

For your first time being in a movie, you’ve hit the jackpot. Not many people can say that their very first project in the movie industry was with Marvel Studios. You’ve been lucky enough to be casted in Spider-Man: Far From Home, playing Amelia James, a classmate of Peter but was from another universe. Though that last part wasn’t established yet.

You were currently at Capital FM’s studios doing an interview with Roman Kemp, someone who you were very familiar with. Accompanying you were your cast mates, Tom Holland, Jacob Batalon, and Zendaya. You lot were currently on the press tour promoting the movie that was only days away from premiering in London. You were all laughing at Tom who has been retelling a story of him getting punched on set.

Though you’ve only met him a few months ago, you felt as if you’ve known the charming man since forever. A fond smile was set on your lips as you watched him talk animatedly into the mic. You felt a nudge beside you. Turning, you see Zendaya smirking at you. She’s caught on at how you looked at Tom, always teasing how when either of you looked at each other, your eyes would turn into beating hearts.

You playfully roll your eyes and nudge her back. Your attention is diverted from her when Roman calls on you, “I’ve been wanting to mention this from the beginning, but it’s odd to see you without the girls in the studio.”

You nod chuckling, “I know! I actually feel weird not having them with me here because I’m so used to doing everything with them.”

“How was that like? I know you girls are genuinely close in real life, so how was it being away from them for so long?” Roman asked you.

“Honestly, I felt a bit anxious not having them by my side all the time. I hate not being with them because they’re like my safety blanket.” You explained. On your other side, you saw Tom frown at you.

You quickly add, “Not that I’m having a horrible time with you guys, it’s just that I miss them a lot. Like I don’t have Jesy beside me to make jokes with or Perrie to mother me around, you know?”

“She’s lying, she can’t wait to leave us. We’re horrible.” Tom jokes looking at you with that cheeky grin of his. You sigh swatting his arm, “That’s completely false, I loved working with these guys.”

“Have the girls visited you on set?” You tilt your head in thought.

“Well—not really. We’re busy working on our sixth album so everyone’s been at the studio here in London. But we have called each other on FaceTime and texted almost everyday, so we were always in contact even when I was away.” You answered fiddling with the hem of your dress. Tom has known you long enough and been in many interviews with you to know that the gesture was something when you felt nervous. Discreetly, he inches his hand closer to yours under the table until his large palm rests atop your hand. You look at him and flash him a smile before turning back to Roman.

Roman continues with his questions, “I know the girls are very supportive, but what was their reaction when you told them you were gonna be in a movie?”

You feel Tom’s hand squeeze yours and you couldn’t help the smile that makes it’s way to your lips. “They were so supportive and excited. I was actually reluctant about accepting the role, but they literally pushed me to do it and I’m so glad they did. I’m truly blessed to have them in my life.”

“Yeah, thank God for Little Mix, or else we would have never met (y/n).” Jacob says into his mic. Zendaya let’s out a “YES!”, high fiving her friend in agreement. You laugh at the two’s antics.

“Aren’t you glad they pushed you to take the role? Now you have us in your life.” Tom proudly states smirking at you.

“No, it’s actually worse now because you’re in it.” You tease him. Tom gasps and placed his free hand to his heart.

“I actually made it harder for myself because I told him some stuff about the new album and now I’m just nervous he’s going to spill something. Then I’m gonna be in trouble.” You go on to explain. Z shakes her head at you, “I told you not to tell him anything.”

Tom perks up and leans forward to glare at her, “Excuse me? I’m capable of keeping a secret, for your information.” He sassily tells her. You and Z burst out laughing at the man in beside you.

“Ok, so are we just going to ignore the fact that you were about to post a video of me in the studio recording a new song?” You question him. Tom was about to speak but Jacob beat him to it.

“I swear if it weren’t for me or Daya, you would’ve been responsible for leaking a song.” Jacob pointed out. Tom huffed out slumping himself into his chair.

“I just can’t catch a break can I?” He asks rhetorically looking at the ceiling. Roman smiles at the four of you, “Obviously from the energy in this room, you guys all seem to get along.”

“Everyone except for Tom.” Z mumbles under her breath. Roman snickers before continuing, “How was it like working with each other? Especially for you (y/n) because you’re the newbie of the group.”

“I mean for me, it was nice to work with everyone again. These guys are my friends so it was like hanging out with them everyday with a side of working. (Y/n)’s part of the group now too, so even better, karaoke nights are gonna be lit.” Jacob answered first. You sent him a wink with finger guns, him doing the same thing to you.

“I’m just glad there’s more women in the group. Laura wasn’t in this one so we were one girl down, then (y/n) came and we just had an amazing time together. It was nice to get away from those two and all the stuff they’re up to.” Z gestured to Tom and Jacob. You loved both of them, but when they were bored they were always up to no good.

“This was my first movie, so I was really nervous to step foot onto set. I remember when we had our first table read and feeling so intimidated because everyone there were professionals and had experience. Meanwhile there’s me with zero experience at all trying to fit in with all these actors.” You answered with a slight chuckle. Tom hums beside you squeezing your hand once again.

“But everyone was so sweet and welcoming. From the crew to the cast, they’re a really great group to work with and I’d like to work with them again, if given the chance.” You finished off.

“You know, for your first movie, you did amazing.” Tom complimented you. Roman quickly swooped in, “Tom, I actually wanted to talk to you about something you said last time you were here.”

Tom looks at him confused, “What did I say?”

“How was it like to finally meet (y/n)? Last time you were on here you admitted t—.” Roman began to talk but Tom cut him off.

“ADMITTED TO LISTENING TO LITTLE MIX!” Tom yells over Roman. He has slightly gotten up from his seat and was making wild motions at Roman with his hand. Everyone shot Tom a look except for Roman who stared at him amused.

Roman shook his head, a cheeky grin on his face, “Not quite, mate.”

“Y-yes. I did admit to listening to them, Touch is my favorite song.” Tom said nervously, regretting that he mentioned Touch.

Roman snickered at Tom, “Well it definitely had something to do with Touch, you had a lot to say about—.” Tom cuts him off again.

“The visual effects.” You raise a brow at Tom.

“Tom, there were barely any effects in that music video.” You tell him. Tom glances at you with wide eyes before correcting himself, “The camera work was really good.”

“Are you good?” Z asks Tom squinting at him. Tom let go of your hand and rubbed his palms together, something he did to ease his nerves.

“I’m great, man.” Tom’s voice pitches as he adjusts himself in his seat. Roman stifles a laugh before turning to you.

“Tom’s admitted to fancying you.” He reveals. Your eyes widen as Jacob and Z have smirks plastered onto their faces.

“Oh? When was this?” You look between Roman and Tom. Tom was cringing at himself hiding behind his hands.

“This is cruel.” You hear him mutter.

“He was promoting Homecoming I think. Then we were playing Touch and Tom just went into a whole conversation about the band and you.” Roman answered, a shit eating from on his face.

Tom pops up from his hand, “You don’t have proof!”

Roman looks at him with a ‘seriously?’ kind of expression as he pulls up a video on the screen. Shaking his head at Tom, “Mate, it’s my radio show.”

Tom groans as he shoves his face behind his jacket.

“Oh this is good.” Z laughs leaning back to face the monitor on the wall.

“Shall we watch my evidence, everyone?” Roman presses play.

“Is Touch the only song you know from Little Mix?” Roman asked. Tom shook his head almost offended.

“No! I’m a big fan of them, I really enjoy their music. Shout Out To My Ex, Woman Like Me, Wasabi? Ugh!” Tom closes his eyes while doing a chef’s kiss, “I’m a man, but their music is so empowering, I love it.”

Roman teasingly smiled at Tom, “Do you fancy any of them?”

“Mate, you can’t ask me that. They’re all very beautiful.” A blush starts to form on Tom’s pale cheeks.

Roman continued to prob at Tom, “You really don’t fancy at least one of them the most?”

Tom shyly smiled looking around, “I mean, (y/n)’s always stood out for me, if I’m being honest. Not just cause of her looks, but I’ve watched her interviews and she seems like a really sweet and funny person. I find that very attracting about her.” He admits.

“Have you seen the Touch video yet? Everyone was raving about her in the video.”

“Oh I definitely have, maybe a few times. She looked stunning, as always.” He dreamily smiled into his palm.

“If she were to watch this, what would you like to say?” Roman asked him. Tom’s face dropped at the mention of you seeing his confession.

“I hope she doesn’t see this. She’s gonna think I’m weird or something. I just ruined my chances.”

The video cuts off and Tom is still hiding behind his jacket. Jacob’s mouth is agape as he looks at Tom, “Dude, you just got exposed.”

“Really Jacob? Have I been exposed?” Tom finally comes out from behind his jacket, face fully flushed in embarrassment. You pouted at him, feeling bad that he was embarrassed, but your heart felt all giddy inside at the fact that he fancies you.

Roman holds his hand out cautiously at Tom, “Now before you permanently hate me, your mate Harrison put me up to this. Something about payback for a prank?”

Tom’s jaw drops as he looks out the window of the booth. Outside Harrison and Harry are seen laughing there asses off with tears in their eyes. Tom curses under his breath. The room suddenly felt like an oven, his face was flushed, his palms were sweaty, and his heart rapidly beated against his chest. Mustering up his courage he looked at you.

“Hey, at least you know who my favorite Little Mix member is now?” He awkwardly shrugged. You smiled at him, cheeks flushed as well.

“I can’t believe you’re an actual fan though!” You say, trying to ease off the embarrassment off him.

“Uh—that’s what you got from the video?” Z asked from beside you. You glance at her real quick to give her a look. Of course you were thrilled that Tom reciprocated your feelings, but at the moment it looked as if he were gonna pop a blood vessel at how hard he was glaring at Harry and Harrison.

“Of course I’m a fan! Who wouldn’t be? You guys are phenomenal, I remember watching you guys at the BRITS when you performed Shout Out To My Ex, it was epic.” His attention immediately turns to you, his eyes softening once they meet yours.

You place a comforting hand on his arm, “Why didn’t you just tell me I was your favorite?”

“Because he has a crush on you.” Jacob states as if it were an obvious fact. Tom was about to protest when Z cuts him off, “Man, don’t even try. You already got exposed and you were never good at hiding your feelings in the first place.”

Roman’s eyes shift to look at each of you, “Did I just unintentionally successfully set two people up?”

You look at Roman and shrugged your shoulders at him nonchalantly, “I don’t know yet Roman, maybe if Tom agrees for dinner, then you could say you’ve successfully set two people up.”

“Oh that was smooth.”

Tom looks at you mouth agape since he couldn’t believe you just asked him out on a live radio show.

“What?” He asks in disbelief.

“I’m asking you out, Tom.” You chuckle, your thumb tracing patterns onto his arm. Tom looks around wide eyed and leans into you, “Is this for the movie?”

Everyone in the room groans except for you and Tom. Instead you roll your eyes at him and shake his shoulders. Moving to be in his view your eyes connect with his brown ones.

“Hi, Tom, honey? I’m asking you out for dinner, don’t make me regret doing this on live radio.” You tell him, slightly joking. His eyes glance down at your lips before they return to your eyes.

“Yes, yes, yes—please, I would love to have dinner with you.” He finally snaps out of his thoughts and a smile forms on his lips. You smile back at him and lean back into your seat, “Great, we could go out tonight.”

“Sounds good.” He nods leaning back into his chair. Tom tries to fight the smile on his lips but was unsuccessful. So he sits there, smiling like an idiot. Sure, he just got humiliated on air, but it was worth it since he left that studio with the girl of his dreams anticipating the night to come.

[tomhollandnet]

Vanity Fair: How have you been doing this past year? I mean, what has life been like in these COVID times for you?

Tom Holland: I got to say, Richard, I’ve been very fortunate during these difficult times. For me, my career hasn’t really halted. I’ve been lucky enough that I’ve been able to continue working. I made a film called Uncharted with Mark Wahlberg last year. I’m currently shooting Spider-Man 3 at the moment. So I’ve been very lucky.

It put a pause for a while, and I went home and we locked down in London, and I had a few months where I was sort of kicking about the house. But all in all, I’ve had a great time. And I’ve really enjoyed the jobs I’ve been working on. And I definitely recognize how lucky I am to be working, when so few people are at the moment [and are] really, really having a hard time. So I’ve been very lucky, and I’ve been enjoying myself.

And now you have this whole different kind of work, promoting Cherry and kind of getting the word out about that movie. I have a bunch of questions about this big epic. But I’m curious in terms of, what’s the origin story? Obviously you’ve worked with the Russo brothers pretty intensely for the past few years. Was it just kind of an automatic collaboration?

Yeah, basically as simple as that, really. I mean, I was working with Joe and Anthony on Avengers: Endgame. And Joe took me aside and said, “We’re making this film. We want you to be the lead. It’s a small, independent film.” He didn’t tell me what it was about. He just sort of told me that he wants me to be in it. And I was honestly just touched that they wanted to work with me. Of all the people in the business they could work with, I just felt really honored that they’d chosen me. And then when I finally got the chance to read the script, I was even more blown away, because I finally recognized the opportunity that had been handed to me.

As a young actor, you’re always looking for ways to challenge yourself. You’re looking for ways to push yourself you haven’t been in the past. And I think we could probably agree that this film achieves both of those goals. So as soon as I read the script and I knew that it was the Russos making it, it was a no-brainer, and it was a very definite yes.

It definitely does feel, I mean, in terms of its content and its style, even, like a big change for you. Do you at all view this as your first grown-up role, or your first adult role? I mean, is that how you kind of look at a project, or is it more just, this specific thing interests you?

That’s an interesting question. It depends what you mean by an adult role, but my agents and I are very strategic in choosing our moments, and trying to be really clever with when we decide to take that next step into becoming an adult and making films about real people and about real problems and getting messages across. And we did that a little bit with Devil All the Time, the Antonio Campos movie. That was kind of the first step, but Cherry is the big step. And that was why it was so daunting, because I haven’t done a film like this before. And I was nervous to see how the world would see me in that light and as that character. Obviously, the film hasn’t come out yet, but I am very apprehensive as to see how people respond to my work in this film.

There’s a lot of intense stuff in Cherry. What was, to your mind, when you read the script, the most daunting thing? What were you most scared to shoot?

I think it was probably the emotional aspect of the film. Physically, I knew I could do it. I knew I’d be able to do that. But emotionally, I’m very lucky and lived a very charmed life, and I’ve been an actor since I was 11. So I haven’t really had to deal with much trauma, or sorrow, or grief, or things like that. So I was worried that I wasn’t going to be able to maintain that level of emotion for a four-month period. That is where the Russos became so valuable, because they were my safety net. That’s where Ciara Bravo was so valuable. She was my partner in crime, and she’s absolutely astonishing in the film and a great friend. And I can’t tell you how lucky I am to have had her to help me throughout this process. So I think for me, yeah, the thing I was most daunted about was maintaining that level of emotion.

What kind of prep did you do? I think actors who are very good actors, they can fall into the trap of when they’re supposed to be acting high or on drugs or something, there can be a sort of showiness to that, as sort of theater. And something that’s really, I think, immersive and bracing about Cherry is that there’s none of that. It feels entirely credible when these characters are in these lows of their lives. Did you talk to soldiers, addicts, anything like that, in prepping to shoot?

Yes, absolutely. We did loads and loads of research. I mean, I must’ve sat down with 30 different people who are all veterans, who are all medics, all suffering from PTSD and substance abuse. And for me, the more information I could get about a problem that I knew so little about to begin with, the better. I worked with nurses. We worked with someone who was running a rehab clinic in Cleveland, and he became our consultant and would be there on set with us every day and would show us how to shoot someone up and show us how to cook heroin, or explain to us the feeling of what would it be like if you mixed a bit of crack with heroin.

There’s a scene in the film where I go to rob a bank, and I shoot up in the car just before. And he said to us that day, “You would never do that before you go into rob a bank.” But if you put a bit of crack in there, it would totally change your attitude and your physical prowess, I guess. So having people on set like that to kind of guide us through the process was so valuable.

I think I’m a bit older than you, and these characters are about my age. I was in college in the early 2000s, and 9/11 was my first week of college. And people in my hometown, well, my neighborhood in Boston, a lot of them were lost to opioids, either killed, or went to prison. And you’re younger, but did you see any parallels between this kind of half-generation removed and your age, the Generation Z? Do you think that a lot of these things are still kind of ongoing?

Yeah. I mean, arguably the opioid epidemic is worse now. And it’s affecting far more people. I think one of my favorite things that Joe said, Joe Russo, is the opening of the film is these swooping shots over Cleveland. We fly over Cleveland, and we see thousands and thousands of houses. And that is to convey to the audience that, yes, we’re telling the story of two people, but really, we’re telling the story of millions of people. This is one story amongst millions. And I really hope that this film can shed the light on a problem that’s invisible, and a problem that is mostly fought in the shadows. People are very ashamed to talk about their addictions and that sort of thing. So I hope that this will shed light on that problem, and people will change their attitude towards people who are suffering from addiction.

It almost feels surprising that there hasn’t been something about this very epic subject matter. What were the conversations like on set about the film’s style? I mean, it is pretty stylized. Did you feel that in the shooting, or is that kind of all added after the fact?

Absolutely. I mean, the Russos changed their way of shooting time and time again while we’re making this film, from different lenses they were using, from different styles of lighting, from different performance techniques. They would frame us sometimes very differently throughout the film. So we were very much aware of the different type of chapters we were trying to make.

Was that a real head-shaving moment in the film?

Yes. Well, we’d already shaved my head, because we were shooting prior. But what we did is we had about a week’s worth of work where we just allowed it to grow, and then he shaved it down to a one. But I actually loved having a shaved head. It was so nice. It was so refreshing to wake up, get out of bed and realize that your hair was already done. It was one of the only luxuries of playing this character.

Yeah. I let my hair get too long during quarantine, and then said, “Screw it. I’ll get the shortest haircut I’ve gotten in years.” And it is liberating. You just wake up, and you’re done.

Totally.

You’re on set, filming something else now, in very changed times from when I think Cherry was filmed. What is it like being back on a set? I mean, I’m not asking for spoilers or anything, don’t worry, but just in terms of the actual day-to-day of filming a movie with all these new restrictions, how has that experience been?

I mean, I love being on set. It’s where I feel most at home. It’s obviously limiting, with COVID, and we’re having to be very careful and very responsible in the way that we behave. There’s certain protocols that we have to follow, to make sure that we maintain this level of safety for the cast and crew. It can be a little tedious at times, but it’s so necessary. And we all recognize how lucky we are to be working right now. So it’s a necessity that we don’t mind taking on because, as I said, we’re also lucky to be here.

[invisibleicewands]

Staged's Anna Lundberg and Georgia Tennant: 'Scenes with all four of us usually involved alcohol'

Not many primetime TV hits are filmed by the show’s stars inside their own homes. However, 2020 wasn’t your average year. During the pandemic, productions were shut down and workarounds had to be found – otherwise the terrestrial schedules would have begun to look worryingly empty. Staged was the surprise comedy hit of the summer.

This playfully meta short-form sitcom, airing in snack-sized 15-minute episodes, found A-list actors Michael Sheen and David Tennant playing an exaggerated version of themselves, bickering and bantering as they tried to perfect a performance of Luigi Pirandello’s Six Characters in Search of an Author over Zoom.

Having bonded while co-starring in Good Omens, Amazon’s TV adaptation of Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett’s novel, Sheen, 51, and Tennant, 49, became best buddies in real life. In Staged, though, they’re comedically reframed as frenemies – warm, matey and collaborative, but with a cut-throat competitiveness lurking just below the surface. As they grew ever more hirsute and slobbish in lockdown, their virtual relationship became increasingly fraught.

It was soapily addictive and hilariously thespy, while giving a voyeuristic glimpse of their interior decor and domestic lives – with all the action viewed through their webcams.

Yet it was the supporting cast who lifted Staged to greatness,Their director Simon Evans, forced to dance around the pair’s fragile egos and piggy-in-the-middle of their feuds. Steely producer Jo, played by Nina Sosanya, forever breaking off from calls to bellow at her poor, put-upon PA. And especially the leading men’s long-suffering partners, both actors in real life, Georgia Tennant and Anna Lundberg.

Georgia Tennant comes from showbiz stock, as the child of Peter Davison and Sandra Dickinson. At 36 she is an experienced actor and producer, who made her TV debut in Peak Practice aged 15. She met David on Doctor Who 2008, when she played the Timelord’s cloned daughter Jenny. Meanwhile, the Swedish Lundberg, 26, is at the start of her career. She left drama school in New York two years ago and Staged is her first big on-screen role.

Married for nine years, the Tennants have five children and live in west London. The Lundberg-Sheens have been together two years, have a baby daughter, Lyra, and live outside Port Talbot in south Wales. On screen and in real life, the women have become firm friends and frequent scene-stealers.

Staged proved so successful that it’s now back for a second series. We set up a video call with Tennant and Lundberg to discuss lockdown life, wine consumption, home schooling (those two may be related) and the blurry line between fact and fiction…

Was doing Staged a big decision, because it’s so personal and set in your homes? Georgia Tennant: We’d always been a very private couple. Staged was everything we’d never normally say yes to. Suddenly, our entire house is on TV and so is a version of the relationship we’d always kept private. But that’s the way to do it, I guess. Go to the other extreme. Just rip off the Band-Aid.

Anna Lundberg: Michael decided pretty quickly that we weren’t going to move around the house at all. All you see is the fireplace in our kitchen.

GT: We have five children, so it was just about which room was available.

AL: But it’s not the real us. It’s not a documentary.

GT: Although some people think it is.

Which fictional parts of the show do people mistake for reality? GT: People think I’m really a novelist because “Georgia” writes a novel in Staged. They’ve asked where they can buy my book. I should probably just write one now because I’ve done the marketing already.

AL: People worry about our elderly neighbour, who gets hospitalised in the show. She doesn’t actually exist in real life but people have approached Michael in Tesco’s, asking if she’s OK.

Michael and David squabble about who’s billed first in Staged. Does that reflect real life? AL: With Good Omens, Michael’s name was first for the US market and David’s was first for the British market. So those scenes riffed on that.

Should we call you Georgia and Anna, or Anna and Georgia? GT: Either. We’re super-laidback about these things.

AL: Unlike certain people.

How well did you know each other before Staged? GT: We barely knew each other. We’ve now forged a friendship by working on the show together.

AL: We’d met once, for about 20 minutes. We were both pregnant at the time – we had babies a month apart – so that was pretty much all we talked about.

Did you tidy up before filming? AL: We just had to keep one corner relatively tidy.

GT: I’m quite a tidy person, but I didn’t want to be one of those annoying Instagram people with perfect lives. So strangely, I had to add a bit of mess��� dot a few toys around in the background. I didn’t want to be one of those insufferable people – even though, inherently, I am one of those people.

Was there much photobombing by children or pets? AL: In the first series, Lyra was still at an age where we could put her in a baby bouncer. Now that’s not working at all. She’s just everywhere. Me and Michael don’t have many scenes together in series two, because one of us is usually Lyra-wrangling.

GT: Our children aren’t remotely interested. They’re so unimpressed by us. There’s one scene where Doris, our five-year-old, comes in to fetch her iPad. She doesn’t even bother to glance at what we’re doing.

How was lockdown for you both? AL: I feel bad saying it, but it was actually good for us. We were lucky enough to be in a big house with a garden. For the first time since we met, we were in one place. We could just focus on Lyra . To see her grow over six months was incredible. She helped us keep a steady routine, too.

GT: Ours was similar. We never spend huge chunks of time together, so it was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. At least until David’s career goes to shit and he’s just sat at home. The flipside was the bleakness. Being in London, there were harrowing days when everything was silent but you’d just hear sirens going past, as a reminder that something awful was going on. So I veered between “This is wonderful” and “This is the worst thing that ever happened.”

And then there was home schooling… GT: Which was genuinely the worst thing that ever happened.

You’ve spent a lot of time on video calls, clearly. What are your top Zooming tips? GT: Raise your camera to eye level by balancing your laptop on a stack of books. And invest in a ring light.

AL: That’s why you look so much better. We just have our sad kitchen light overhead, which makes us look like one massive shiny forehead.

GT: Also, always have a good mug on the go [raises her cuppa to the camera and it’s a Michael Sheen mug]. Someone pranked David on the job he’s shooting at the moment by putting a Michael Sheen mug in his trailer. He brought it home and now I use it every morning. I’m magically drawn to drinking out of Michael.

There’s a running gag in series one about the copious empties in Michael’s recycling. Did you lean into lockdown boozing in real life? AL: Not really. We eased off when I was pregnant and after Lyra was born. We’d just have a glass of wine with dinner.

GT: Yes, definitely. I often reach for a glass of red in the show, which was basically just an excuse to continue drinking while we were filming: “I think my character would have wine and cake in this scene.” The time we started drinking would creep slightly earlier. “We’ve finished home schooling, it’s only 4pm, but hey…” We’ve scaled it back to just weekends now.

How did you go about creating your characters with the writer Simon Evans? AL: He based the dynamic between David and Michael on a podcast they did together. Our characters evolved as we went along.

GT: I was really kind and understanding in the first draft. I was like “I don’t want to play this, it’s no fun.” From the first few tweaks I made, Simon caught onto the vibe, took that and ran with it.

Did you struggle to keep a straight face at times? AL: Yes, especially the scenes with all four of us, when David and Michael start improvising.

GT: I was just drunk, so I have no recollection.

AL: Scenes with all four of us were normally filmed in the evening, because that’s when we could be child-free. Usually there was alcohol involved, which is a lot more fun.

GT: There’s a long scene in series two where we’re having a drink. During each take, we had to finish the glass. By the end, we were all properly gone. I was rewatching it yesterday and I was so pissed.

What else can you tell us about series two? GT: Everyone’s in limbo. Just as we think things are getting back to normal, we have to take three steps back again. Everyone’s dealing with that differently, shall we say.

AL: In series one, we were all in the same situation. By series two, we’re at different stages and in different emotional places.

GT: Hollywood comes calling, but things are never as simple as they seem.

There were some surprise big-name cameos in series one, with Samuel L Jackson and Dame Judi Dench suddenly Zooming in. Who can we expect this time around? AL: We can’t name names, but they’re very exciting.

GT: Because series one did so well, and there’s such goodwill towards the show, we’ve managed to get some extraordinary people involved. This show came from playing around just to pass the time in lockdown. It felt like a GCSE end-of-term project. So suddenly, when someone says: “Samuel L Jackson’s in”, it’s like: “What the fuck’s just happened?”

AL: It took things to the next level, which was a bit scary.

GT: It suddenly felt like: “Some people might actually watch this.”

How are David and Michael’s hair and beard situations this time? AL: We were in a toyshop the other day and Lyra walked up to these Harry Potter figurines, pointed at Hagrid and said: “Daddy!” So that explains where we’re at. After eight months of lockdown, it was quite full-on.

GT: David had a bob at one point. Turns out he’s got annoyingly excellent hair. Quite jealous. He’s also grown a slightly unpleasant moustache.

Is David still wearing his stinky hoodie? GT: I bought him that as a gift. It’s actually Paul Smith loungewear. In lockdown, he was living in it. It’s pretty classy, but he does manage to make it look quite shit.

[identybeautynet]

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals Courtesy Burberry “Read my lips, I need a big dick boy. Ain’t nobody slanging it right,” the musician Shygirl raps on the opening lines of her new song “BDE,” featuring Slowthai. It’s a bold claim, and one that speaks to the East London native’s life mantra: freedom is everything. “If someone said to you, you can do whatever you want in this room, you’d do something that you wouldn’t usually do,” Shygirl says over Zoom, where she’s speaking from her home in South London. “It’s about being able to run away with some aspects of yourself, less about being something different, but in each of these spaces, you’re allowed a bit more room to breathe.” The artist, who makes bass-heavy, club-ready tracks that straddle electro, pop, and hip-hop, is known for fashion and beauty looks that match her out-there, over-the-top music. Her deepest fantasies and whimsies make both the aesthetic and the music—and fashion brands like Burberry have taken note. (The brand’s creative director Riccardo Tisci cast Shygirl in his latest Burberry Beauty campaign after stumbling across one of her music videos on Instagram.) We caught up with Shygirl a few days before the release of “BDE” to discuss her proclivity toward skincare, her grandmother’s beauty tips, and why eating an opulent meal is the ultimate form of luxury. How did you come to make your latest single “BDE” with Slowthai? I wrote this single ages ago with Karma Kid. We were in the studio and I’d actually been up the night before at some warehouse party. I was definitely really hungover—I think I was probably still drunk when I got to the studio, so I was still kind of in that party mood. The words came really quickly as I was recording, which isn’t always the case. Sometimes I think of a hook and then we flesh it out later, or there’s a funny turn of phrase I’m playing with, and I start like that. But this one was based on a frustrating encounter I’d had with someone. And I was like, I’m just going to get this out in a song. I really wanted to work with a male vocalist and I’ve loved Slowthai’s energy for ages. I’m objectifying men so much in that song, I thought it would be nice to hand the mic over and and be like, Okay, I’ve said this—what do you have to say for yourself? Ty’s the person for that platform, because he doesn’t talk about sex that much on his tracks. So it was nice to have that Shygirl effect. We met up in the studio, hung out, and I was like, okay, the theme is sex—spin it, and be as crass and vulgar as possible because that’s the way I've set the stage. Shygirl wears Burberry Beauty in her video for “BDE.” I love the fantasy of the Tasty video. What was on your mood board for it, specifically when it came to the beauty looks? Growing up, my mom was really into ‘80s music. And I loved that ‘80s look: heavy blush on the face, and how expressive that is, especially when looking at the queer community being represented in music. There’s something about that that which speaks to freedom and playfulness, and there’s a massive synergy with where I’m coming from, which is take me serious in this space, but also not that serious. There’s also something exciting about not being within the confines of my facial features, and pushing those boundaries. That’s why I bleached my eyebrows and change the space that we’re able to use with all the makeup we do. I sent a lot of references over, but I’m really drawn to color palettes; I have phases of different colors that make me feel comfortable and happy. I’ve been lucky to work with some really great makeup artists who take my garbled references and moods that I tell them and make it look sexy. Because there’s something sexy about not staying within the lines. Onto the Beauty Notes questions. When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing you do, beauty wise? First thing I do is wash my face, ‘cause I’m probably still wearing mascara from the night before. I use the Garnier Micellar water as a cleanser, and I bought because it’s pink. Then, I put on the Aliver 24K Gold Collagen Eye Mask eye patches. I bought a pack of, like, 100. They make me feel like a modern-day American Psycho. Then I use the Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion, because there’s something watery about their products, they just feel light on your skin. And my skin’s really sensitive, so I don't usually wear much. I have a rose quartz roller that I use after I’ve moisturized, which I find so relaxing. I’ve also got to mention that, when I wash my face, I wash it with warm and then cold water. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion $30 See On Sephora What does that do? Something about opening up your pores with the warm water and then tightening them with cold water. My grandma told me that when I was younger—my dad’s mum gave me this obsession with clear skin from a young age. We’ve kind of got it naturally and she takes really good care of it, as does my dad. Usually, people pick up beauty tips from their mum, but my mum was a bit more tomboy-ish. What’s a piece of skincare advice that you received from your grandmother that changed your perspective on beauty? My grandmother comes up with a lot of un-PC phrases. One of the un-PC things she used to say was, never trust a man with bad skin. I remember when I’d tell her about boys I fancied and she’d be like, oh no, his skin’s terrible. Also, she uses oils on her body, but not on her face. She’s big on oils. I have naturally curly hair, so I went through such a period of using loads of different greasy hair products, and she told me that all affects your skin. Whenever I FaceTime my nan and my dad, that’s the first thing they ask: are you eating right? I can see on your skin, you’re not getting enough of this or that. What’s the one product that you can’t live without? The Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream. It’s literally the best money I’ve ever spent on a beauty product. It just does what it says, and I don’t feel like I need to use it that religiously, but I need to know that I have it, especially when I’m traveling a lot. And even in lockdown, I’ve had a lot of travel for work. The air dries out my skin, and sometimes I need it before I wake up, just to start the day fresh. Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream $145 See On Sephora What’s your favorite product at this very moment? I only really wear mascara for eye makeup every day, and at the moment I’ve been wearing this really good mascara that Burberry makes. I like a spiky, wider mascara, ‘cause if that’s the only thing I’m wearing, I’m going to make sure it’s visible. I’m not too neat with it—I like a slightly messy mascara look because there are hints there, where you’re telling people who you are. I want to be expressive. Ultimate Lift Mascara $30 Burberry See On Burberry What’s the best makeup or skincare tip you’ve picked up on set? Exfoliating my lips. That’s something I didn’t do enough of; sometimes when I’m on set, we use wipes with a somewhat rougher texture before we put anything on my lips.   What’s your ideal spa day and where? I found this place recently called Beaverbrook in Surrey, just outside of London. In December, I just needed to get out of my house, I needed a spa break, I needed a massage, I needed to be in a hotel, I just needed something. It’s kind of a big deal spa, which I didn’t know, but I got a room after someone else’s cancellation. It was really nice—it’s in the countryside and it was raining the whole weekend, so I felt like I was in Wuthering Heights. I looked out onto the fields watching the rain, and just felt so British. Is going to the spa your favorite form of self-care? I take more care of my mind than my body—what’s sometimes good for the soul isn’t always good for your body. I’m self-indulgent, and the biggest thing that feeds me is doing something spontaneously. The idea that I can just pick up and do something that I want to do is what gratifies me the most. That could be taking the day, canceling a bunch of meetings to remind myself that I’m in control of my life. More times, it’s going out to a restaurant and eating something obscene. You know in Parks and Recreation when they’re like, “Treat yourself”? That’s my life. I really love a beautiful meal, and there’s something so opulent about being waited on in some form and having someone else make your food. We only include products that have been independently selected by W's editorial team. However, we may receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article. beauty tips: Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals,  Read the full article

[hannahrose533]

Berlin

Levi x Eren

some smut

nsfw

Levi doesn’t know about the new model until he’s standing right in front of him – all six feet of tan skin, bright eyes and wiry muscles wrapped up tight in a package labelled Eren Jaeger.

Oh shit, Levi thinks.

“Levi,” Hanji grins, completely oblivious to the way Levi is standing frozen still with his camera slipping loose between sweaty fingers. “This is Eren. He’s our model for the upcoming summer shoot. Eren, this is Levi – he’s our lead photographer.”

“Yeah,” Eren says, and his voice is exactly like Levi remembers – suddenly he’s right back where he was ten years ago. “We’ve met.”

The only reason the slam of Eren’s knuckles into the side of his face doesn’t hurt half as much is because Levi has been preparing for it the moment he saw him.

.

It was late July and Levi had spent the last three years traveling across half the fucking world just to build up his portfolio.

He’d started in his birthplace of Paris and worked his way through Milan and London and New York, even a brief flit across Asia – Tokyo and Seoul mostly – before landing in Berlin.

He was starting to carve out his nook in the world of fashion photography, but he was still young – just scraping twenty-five by the time his one-sided love affair with Korea had sent him packing for Germany – and the newbies to the business didn’t get shit like fancy hotel rooms or bedsits.

He meets the Jaegers through a mutual friend and Carla graciously welcomes him into their home for as long as he plans on staying in Berlin. They live just far enough out of the city to be away from the clutter and bustle of central life, but near enough to it to count. They have room, she says, and their son would be delighted by the company.

All Levi has to his name at this point is about fifty Euros and his camera so he’s not really in any position to say no.

He accepts her offer and hitches a ride back to their house just on the outskirts of the city where concrete gives way to dirt and the red stained smog of the sky turns a bitter blue.

Stepping out of the back of the pickup he raps loudly on the side of the vehicle to let the driver know his help was appreciated before slinging his bag up over his shoulder and stepping away from the ensuing spray of dust as the wheels spit gravel and grit that stings his eyes as the car races away.

Rather suddenly Levi is alone in front of a two story country-style house with nothing but the clothes on his back and the camera heavy and beautiful in his bag.

The door shudders open in a rusted squeal and a boy steps out – the son, Levi supposes.

“Sie müssen Levi sein, richtig?” He asks as he shuts the door.

Levi shakes his head to let the kid know that he doesn’t speak a word of German.

The kid frowns; although Levi can’t really see much of his face from where he’s standing under the shadows cast by the roof, only the burnished shine of brown hair and the golden glint of sun-beaten skin.

Levi doesn’t think the kid would understand French so he takes a wild stab and asks: “English?”

An expression of intense relief skids over his face and the kid says flawlessly and with only the barest blip of accent: “You’re Levi, right? That photographer guy that’s staying with us for a while.”

Levi goes to answer – probably with something snarky and terribly rude – but the kid chooses this exact moment to step out from beneath the midday shadows and for the first time Levi properly sees his face.

The back of his neck is hot from the sun and his eyes are still watering from the spew of dust left behind by his ride – his words trip and stumble at his lips and suddenly it’s all very hard to breathe.

Eren’s gorgeous in a way that is purely physical – face cut in perfect angles and lips curved in just the right way – but it’s his eyes that do it to him.

Levi can’t look away from those eyes.

.

“Its fine,” Levi says for the third time around a fistful of tissues, wincing not just at the way his nose feels raw and tender beneath his bloody fingers, but at the way his voice comes out funny as voices do when you can’t breathe through your fucking nose. “Its fine, Hanji; it’ll stop in a moment.”

“I can’t believe it,” Hanji says again – the third time herself – as she holds out a box of tissues. Levi gratefully takes another dozen. “That’s so unlike him. I mean, I know he has a temper but I’ve never seen him attack someone unprovoked like that.”

It wasn’t unprovoked, Levi thinks but doesn’t say aloud as he drops the soggy tissues in his hand so they splat loudly in the bathroom sink and looks up into the mirror.

Eren had done a good number on him. For one punch that came completely out of the blue with no windup it probably couldn’t have been much worse if he’d tried.

Levi’s nose wasn’t broken – thank fuck for small mercies – but it was bruising fast in a way that let the spread of bumpy purple sprawl out under his eyes as well. Levi didn’t normally look like the most well rested person in the world, but on the same note the bags underneath his eyes weren’t usually violet either.

Kid should have been a boxer instead of a model – Levi would certainly bet on him.

Levi glances down and makes a noise of disgust. His nose might not be bleeding anymore, but his hands are a revolting mess of fast clotting blood that’s making his palms tacky and brown as it dries.

Without a word Hanji reaches past and turns on the tap for him and Levi grunts out his thanks as he sticks his hands beneath the gush of water and lets slip an audible sigh.

“So,” Hanji says when Levi makes no attempt to speak. “You and Eren, huh?”

Levi’s blood runs as cold as the water feels on his skin. “I don’t know what you mean,” he lies.

Hanji snorts and sets aside the box of tissues she’d been carrying. “I know a break-up punch when I see one, Levi. That?” She waves at Levi’s miscoloured face. “That right there is definitely the work of a break-up punch.”

The sharp shriek of the soap dispenser as Levi pours copious amounts on his palms isn’t enough to drown her out.

“So my question,” Hanji continues, “is when? Because Eren’s only just recently broken out as a model. He only came to the states about three years ago – and I know you haven’t had any interaction with him seeing as how he’s actually spent the better part of his stay jumping between here and Toronto.”

“Hanji,” Levi says tiredly as he leaves the tap running and reaches for some paper towel. “Just let it go, okay?”

Hanji’s watching him carefully in the mirror and Levi wants nothing more than to just walk away and end this whole conversation here but he can’t – not won’t, literally can’t – because his palms still itch with the feel of his own blood and Levi can’t handle his camera until he knows they’re clean, that he won’t dirty his only precious thing.

He squirts more soap on his hands and avoids Hanji’s eyes.

He’s tired. He’s just so, so tired.

“Now that I think about it,” Hanji says, “you’ve been to Berlin, haven’t you?”

“Hanji,” Levi warns.

“But that would have been nearly ten years ago, wouldn’t it?” She muses.

“Hanji,” he hisses again, and her name comes out like a curse. He pulls his hands out from the basin and slams the tap off with his elbow, dripping water and soap suds as he tears more paper towel free. “Just let it go.”

Levi kicks open the bathroom door with enough force that it slams vicious and unrelenting behind him as he exits, leaving Hanji watching him with concerned eyes by the sink.

He stalks down the hallway until he’s far enough away from the bathroom that he feels okay to fumble his phone free and hit fucking number one speed-dial.

Erwin picks up after two rings. “Levi,” he greets easily. “I assume this is about Eren?”

Levi grits his teeth together hard enough he’s surprised they don’t chip as he fights down the burgeoning sense of betrayal. “You didn’t even think you should warn me?”

“I thought it might be best if you weren’t given a chance to run. You have a history of resorting to extreme means to escape small problems.”

“Fuck you,” he hisses. “I told you –.”

“You told me if I ever sent you to Berlin you’d quit on the spot. I haven’t sent you to Berlin, Levi; Berlin has come to you.”

Levi sucks in a deep breath and follows that up with another as he tries to keep from screaming down the phone at Erwin because twelve year-old tantrums rarely solve problems and Erwin is still technically his boss.

“What are you playing at?”

“Eren is a talented model,” Erwin says firmly. “We are lucky to be working with him. I’m sorry but your past with him does not nullify his value to us; not everything is about you. This discussion is over.”

Levi hangs up without another word before he does something he’ll really regret.

The hallway is empty enough that Levi can lean against the wall and close his eyes without risking an awkward explanation, grinding the palms of his hands into his sockets and ignoring the way it flares up the bruising burn.

Eren Jaeger was from ten years in his past and Levi had been so sure that would be where he’d stay for the rest of ever. He’d never thought – never allowed himself to believe – that their paths would ever cross again, not in this lifetime.

There’s a photo Levi has in a shoebox in his apartment that he hasn’t looked at since he put it there eight years ago. He’s not even thought of it in at least three.

Ten years ago in Berlin he’d taken seven photos of Eren Jaeger and deleted every single one except the last.

Levi lets out an uneven breath and drops his hands from his eyes.

His face feels like it’s on fire and he suspects it might take a good few days for the swelling to go down enough that he can properly use his camera.

He thinks of Eren lying on the floor in the Jaeger household, his eyes closed and his shoulders rising up and down in even breaths, the blue of Levi’s blanket around his bare shoulders; how for that brief second when Levi had peered through his camera everything had felt right.

His face hurts and he can feel his nose bleeding again.

It’s probably no less than he deserves.

.

“I still don’t get why I can’t come with you when you go into the city,” Eren whines as he kicks his feet absently against the wooden beams of the underside of the deck. “Do you even understand how boring it is just to hang around here all day? Fuck, I swear I’m going insane.”

“Oi, watch your language shithead,” Levi scolds but doesn’t look up from where he’s cleaning the various lenses of his camera. “If your mother hears you talking like that I’m the one who’s going to cop the blame.”

Eren smirks and leans back on his hands, peering at Levi over his shoulder. “Well maybe you should just let me come with you into Berlin and I’ll make an effort to clean up my language.”

Levi snorts as he carefully wipes the delicate glass with a cloth. “Your parents think you’re the sweetest little thing when in reality you’re nothing but a manipulative little shit.”

“What can I say; I’m learning from the best.”

It was dry and hot and Levi doesn’t understand why it’s making him so desperately uncomfortable when he’d been to much hotter countries before. He’d had a stint in Australia during the middle of December, yet he didn’t sweat nearly as much as he is now sitting cross-legged on the floor of the guest room with the sliding glass door open to the veranda out front, Eren sitting with his legs hanging over the side as he bugged Levi in that way that fifteen year old boys bugged everybody they met.

Eren lets out a sigh and flops backwards against the decking in a spray of lanky limbs. “It’s too hot for this,” he mumbles as his eyes slip closed.

Levi tries not to stare at the line of his neck, the sweat trickling down to lick at his collarbone, easily visible beneath the neck of his shirt which was too large on him and gliding loose at his shoulder.

It feels like there’s a rock in Levi’s stomach and his throat goes very dry.

“If the heat’s bothering you that much piss off and take a shower or something; leave me the fuck alone,” he rasps and turns his attention back to the unassembled camera, trying desperately to ignore the way his hands shake.

Eren pouts and rolls over, opening up his eyes to watch Levi click and unlick his lenses.

Levi has been here long enough by now to build up a certain – immunity wasn’t the word – tolerance against Eren’s gaze, but when he looks at him like that; nothing but sheer intensity in blue-green eyes … Levi can hardly take it.

“What are you doing?” Eren asks.

Levi doesn’t look, only reaches for another lens. “Making sure I keep my camera in good condition,” he says steadily. “Otherwise I’d ruin the lenses.”

“Is your camera that important to you?” Eren asks and he’s still doing it – looking at Levi like this whole thing is the most important thing in the world to him right now.

“Very,” Levi answers.

“Why?”

“Because,” he says as places the cloth down and reaches for some cotton buds, “it was the very first thing I ever bought for me.”

They fall into silence for a moment, the only sounds the gentle swabbing of cotton buds against the delicate curve of the lens and the outside chirp of cicadas.

“Can I help?” Eren asks and Levi falters.

“With the cleaning?” He specifies, and Eren simply nods.

He means to say ‘no’ – he means to tell Eren that this camera is too precious to him to be handled by a brat who doesn’t know the first thing about photography – but Eren just looks so earnest; like all he wants in life right now is for Levi to let him help.

Levi sighs and pats the floorboards next to him and Eren scurries over eagerly.

“If you drop this,” Levi threatens as he passes Eren his camera, “I fucking swear I’ll kill you and leave you somewhere to be turned to pig shit.”

“Yes, sir,” Eren grins like the brat he is, but his hands are soft and gentle as he weighs it between his fingers and Levi knows without a doubt that Eren would probably sooner cut off his own arm than damage the camera now knowing how much Levi values it.

They sit silently, knees bumping as Levi passes a cotton swab to Eren, watching critically as he starts to clean the camera. He’s not actually doing that bad of a job, if Levi is honest, but it’s not perfect and when it comes to his work everything has to be perfect.

“More like…” he pauses and Eren raises an eyebrow.

“More like what?”

“I don’t know – just not like that.”

Eren sighs and it is loud and obvious and clearly faked. He looks Levi right in the eye. “Well,” he says as he settles in closer and drifts his hands to hover over Levi’s lap, “if I’m doing such a bad job, you’ll just have to show me then, won’t you?”

Eren’s looking right at him, meeting his eyes without flinching, and he knows exactly what he’s doing – Levi can fucking see it in the sharp corners of his mouth, the intensity of his gaze; can feel it in the way he’s brushing much too close to be accidental and leaning in near enough to be nothing short of completely intentional.

Levi has no clue what he’s doing – why he’s reaching for Eren’s hands when he should be putting as much distance between them as possible – but he keeps going anyway, fingers wrapping loose around Eren’s as he guides his wrist slowly in a circle.

They stay like that long after the camera is clean.

.

The thing about photo studios is that they’re always unerringly bright – lit in sprays of artificial light that bounce off sheets of silver here and camera flashes that flare like the sun there.

It’s never really bothered Levi before – it’s his playground, his reason to live – but the thing is he’d never had to try and work with two black eyes before.

Hanji had kept her mouth shut about what had happened and nobody had actually been game enough to ask why Levi looked like he went three rounds with a heavy weight boxer and then some, but he can feel the concerned glances flicked his way every time his back is turned.

It’s all Levi can do to grit his teeth and act professional.

“To the left,” he calls and Eren moves flawlessly, tilting his head so that Levi has a better view of his perfectly angled jawline.

He raises his camera and clicks.

Last time he’d seen Eren he’d been fifteen with more testosterone than brains and a body that was just crossing the line from teenage awkwardness in fits and starts, barely taller than Levi. Now he had an entire five inches on him and was muscular in that lanky way that everybody wanted to be but so few managed.

He looked like a model – he was a model.

Levi raises his camera and Eren’s eyes flicker over, meeting his own for a brief, powerful second.

Then he looks away.

Breathe, Levi reminds himself as he clicks another photo. You’re thirty-five now and you can handle this.

Somebody calls an end to the shoot and as Eren steps out of the light his skin almost ripples in a golden glow.

Levi cannot handle this.

Eren had been gorgeous enough when he was fifteen and had no clue about the effect he had on people. At twenty-four he looks like a fucking sex-god and knows it.

Levi steps away from the shoot set-up and waits patiently for a techie to unplug his camera before he heads for the table in the office where he keeps his padded camera bag. He’s come a long way from the twenty-something that stepped off the back of a pickup in Germany with one set of clothes and a satchel over his shoulder and one of the perks is being able to afford nice things like memory-foam cases.

The office is empty and Levi breathes a sigh of relief as he places his camera gently on the table and zips open his camera bag.

“Good work today,” Eren says behind him and Levi jumps – he’d never even heard him come in.

Eren’s face is unreadable and Levi has no clue how fucking quickly he must have changed to be standing there so easily in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt.

Levi watches him cautiously. “You’re not going to punch me again, are you?” He asks. “Because you got a free hit in last time but I will hit you back if you try again.”

Eren snorts and holds up his palms in the universal symbol of surrender. “I’m not stupid; I know if it came to a fight you could probably kick my ass. I’ve seen how surprisingly toned you are.”

It’s an innocent comment but a loaded statement and Levi just wishes fervently and with passion that he had perfected a method of coping with his problems that didn’t just involve running away until they could no longer catch him.

Eren was one problem he never thought would, and look where that got him now.

Eren’s gaze flicks behind Levi and he nods at the table. “Is that the same camera?”

Is that the same camera I used to seduce you ten years ago in another country entirely?

Levi turns away from him and busies himself with slipping it back into the case, nestling it comfortably in the foam. “Yeah. I told you before it was important to me.”

Eren laughs. “Oh, I wasn’t sure. I mean, you’ve got a bit of a history of leaving things behind.”

Levi tells himself that the comment doesn’t hurt – that it shouldn’t hurt because it was the fucking truth – but the words still lance and barb all the same and suddenly instead of just being hurt he’s angry too.

Levi spins around and takes a step forward until he’s in Eren’s space, grabbing him by the shirt and yanking him down to eye level. Something that somehow both is and isn’t shock flits over Eren’s face but he makes no move to escape, only raises a hand to grab Levi’s wrist to keep the pair of them steady.

“Listen to me you complete shit for brains retard,” Levi hisses. “I know I fucked up, but it’s been ten years and I’m sorry. Whether you choose to believe me is your own problem, but I will not have you come into my workplace and remind me that I screwed up. It was a mistake and I regret it every day, but you sassing me every time I see you isn’t going to make it go away.”

Something complicated was happening on Eren’s face and he opens his mouth to say something only to shut it again and laugh – a breathless painful twist of a sound as his eyes slip closed.

“Jesus fuck, you don’t get anything, do you?” He asks, and Levi feels like he should be offended but before he can make up his mind Eren is speaking again. “I just… God, Levi. I was fifteen and I was so fucking in love with you that I barely knew what to do with myself when you were around.”

There’s something tight in Levi’s throat and it hurts to breathe past it, but he does anyway. “I know,” he says.

Eren’s eyes fly open and suddenly he grips Levi’s wrist hard enough that Levi’s hand flies open on reflex and Eren’s shirt slips from his fingers, but Eren makes no move to step away only to step in closer, backing Levi against the table with frightening ease and never letting go once.

“No,” he says, and Levi can see the anger plain on his face. “You don’t know. You know why you don’t know? Because when I woke up you were gone. Do you realize how fucking dumb I felt standing in the kitchen with your teeth marks on my neck listening to my mother tell me you’d left for Paris while I was sleeping?” He laughs again but this one is more self-deprecating, a good deal angrier. “It wasn’t like I had any illusions that it was anything more than a fucking joke to you – but it was serious to me.”

Levi’s heart is beating too fast and he can barely think past the nerves live-wiring hot from where Eren’s skin is touching his, but he tries anyway. “You were fifteen,” he says and somehow his voice doesn’t waver. “You were fifteen and there was no way out that didn’t involve hurting you. I shouldn’t have done it at all; but I did and after that all I could do was damage control.”

“Well then,” Eren snaps, his hold almost painful now. “You didn’t do a fucking good job of that, did you?”

Levi closes his eyes and says for what feels like the thousandth time but will still never feel like enough: “I’m sorry.”

It’s silent for a moment except for the steady thump of Levi’s heart and Eren’s harsh breaths.

After a moment Eren’s fingers loosen and Levi’s hand slides free.

“Whatever,” Eren says and Levi has never heard him sound so exhausted. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

Levi doesn’t open his eyes; just breathes deeply until he feels Eren step away, the thump of his footsteps as he turns towards the office door.

“Levi?” He says, and it’s only the way it sounds more like a statement than a question that makes Levi look.

Eren is standing still by the door, one hand on the frame and his head turned slightly although he’s not actually looking at him. Levi can see the minute flex of his fingertips against the wood like his fingers want to curl into a fist.

His jaw tightens.

“You were the reason I became a model,” he says.

And then he’s gone.

.

It’d been building for a while between them, but somehow Levi is still unprepared when the dam breaks.

Levi’s shirtless – “fuck, don’t look at me like that Eren, it’s too hot for shirts” – and they’re in his room with nothing but the slow whirl of the fan above for company and the steady shuffle of Eren sorting through some of his photos as he lays sprawled on his stomach on the floorboards, shirt hitching slightly and shorts barely hanging onto his hips.

Levi’s camera is in his hands and it takes everything he has not to just raise it then and there and snap a photo.

Eren shifts slightly and his shirt catches on a loose nail in the floor.

“Eren,” Levi says and points when Eren glances at him. “Carla’s not going to be pleased if you tear your shirt.”

Eren groans and sits up, placing the photos he was flicking through reverently aside – and something in Levi aches at that, the way they’re important to Eren just because they’re important to him – and tugging at the hem with slender fingers.

“Fuck it,” he says, and then repeats with deliberate intent: “It’s too hot for shirts.”

Please no, Levi thinks desperately but Eren’s hands have already slipped under the fabric and he’s stripping it off – not just taking, because Eren Jaeger doesn’t do things by halves, but stripping – and Levi cannot look away from the flex of his spine, the contours of his developing chest, the lines of his collarbone.

He’s beaded with sweat all over.

Levi can barely breathe and his fingers hurt from how tight he’s squeezing his camera.

Eren drops his shirt to the ground with a relieved sigh, raising his arms over his head in a careless stretch. “Much better,” he groans and his eyes flick up to look at Levi and there’s something in them that he doesn’t know how to name. “What?”

“I want to take your picture,” Levi blurts before he can think – before he realizes he’s asking a half-naked fifteen year old boy this question.

Eren blinks at him. “Sure, if you want. I thought you only took photos of like, models and stuff though.”

“Only for a living,” Levi says more calmly than he actually feels as he raises his camera. “I take photos of anything I find beautiful. You ready?”

Eren stares at him and Levi has a suspicion he’s not actually breathing. “Uh, yeah. Whenever is good.”

Eren sits back a bit, rolls his shoulder unintentionally as he leans so his palms are splayed behind him on the floor.

His neck is shiny with sweat and through the viewfinder Levi sees a drop cling to his neck.

He snaps a picture.

It wasn’t like Levi didn’t know – he knew alright. He’d known since the first night Eren had snuck into his room with a grin and a really bad lie that he wanted Levi’s help on his homework. Had known with the way Eren always sat too close, always listened too carefully.

Eren Jaeger’s crush on him was as obvious to him as the inherent beauty of film grain and darkrooms – Levi had just been hoping the fact that he returned the sentiment two fold hadn’t been.

Eren takes in a breath and changes positions slightly, tilting his head and lengthening his neck with a kind of natural ease and grace that was completely at odds with the awkward spread of his shoulders, the way his limbs were gangly in their growth.

Levi snaps another photo and the sound of the shutter going off is achingly loud.

Eren glances up from beneath his lashes and there is something about it that seems intentional in a way that makes all of Levi’s blood run hot at once.

“What should I be doing?” He asks, voice so low and quiet it was almost a murmur.

“Just…” Levi breathes. “Whatever you want.”

Eren’s eyes darken. “Whatever I want?” He repeats – and then he smiles.

Before Levi can realize his intentions Eren has unbuttoned his shorts, unzipped his fly so that Levi can see the black fabric of his boxer-briefs and is leaning backwards on his elbows with his pants barely fucking on looking like a pinup from an adult magazine.

Levi can’t move – the camera is still in his hands.

“Well?” Eren asks, and his voice is low and silky and the faint burr of his accent makes the breath hiss out of Levi all at once. “I was promised you’d be taking pictures.”

Levi swallows deeply and gets to his knees for a better angle, hearing the uneven creak of the floorboards beneath him as he manages to steady the camera in his hands and take another shot.

Eren’s eyes drift from his face, tracing down his body eagerly and coming to a rest on the definite erection Levi has been sporting since Eren all but made taking his shirt off into a fucking striptease.

“Oi,” Levi rasps and Eren’s eyes flick back up but his cheeks are flushed desperately and his breathing is more panting than anything else now. Levi can barely see the green of his irises, his pupils blown wide.

He clicks another photo, shuffles nearer on his knees and takes another and he just keeps moving closer until he’s hovering above Eren, kneeling between his spread legs and close enough that all he’d have to do is shift his hips to brush his groin against Eren’s.

Eren is so painfully and obviously aroused that he’s nearly trembling with it all as Levi aims the camera down at him – and Levi wonders how they’d look if someone took a picture of the both of them right now, shirtless and sweaty and desperately hard for each other.

Levi’s fingers are shaking so much he can barely press the shutter button and every exhale he makes sounds like it could be his last.

Eren’s eyes close and a drop of sweat rolls down his face to curve along his upper lip and Levi has never wanted to  taste anything so badly in his whole life.

“Fuck,” he spits and throws – throws – his camera aside.

The noises Eren makes as Levi’s lips crash into his are needy and pained and desperate – pitched gasps and groans as Levi forcibly knocks him flat to the ground, his hands on Eren’s waist as Eren’s own fingers fly up to clutch hard and tight in Levi’s hair.

“Levi,” he all but moans and Levi’s hips stutter all on their own, pushing down against Eren’s and making him shout as they start grinding together desperately without a single thought, just mindless pressure and pain.

It briefly crosses Levi’s mind that Carla and Grisha were out – that’s it, that’s why Eren was even in his room in the first place – and the relief he feels is immense and overwhelming because he doesn’t think he could stop himself right now if he tried.

“Eren,” he gasps as Eren somehow manages to get his legs around his waist. “Fuck, Eren. I need you to – shit – I need you to slow down.”

Eren whines at that and just ruts them together harder yet and Levi’s vision starts to waver black, the tightness in his gut stretching so taut he feels like nothing short of a grenade.

He’s not going to last long.

Levi fumbles with Eren’s pants, pushing them down far enough that he manages to slide his hand into Eren’s boxers and wrap his fingers around him, feeling the hot weight and wetness as he squeezes.

The sound Eren makes against his lips is a ripped gasp and the grip he has in Levi’s hair should be painful but everything is just intense heat and crippling pleasure and all it does is add a sharp spike in sensation that tears a groan from him as he slides his hand along Eren’s erection in a slick pump.

“Levi, Levi,” Eren gasps and his legs are tight at Levi’s waist and he’s pushing his hips up fervently into his hand, positively writhing beneath him, head titlted back and sweat rippling across his face as he groans and groans, bucking without pause into Levi’s hand.

Levi can’t – he just can’t. Everything is Eren and he doesn’t know why he’s been fighting against this for so long because he’s never felt so good in his life, never wants to not feel this good again, and he thinks he could probably come just from feeling Eren twitching and wet in his hand, seeing how truly desperate he is for him.

“Levi,” Eren pants as one hand slips from his hair to cradle the back of his neck like Eren is holding on for dear life. “I’m going to – I want – please,” he gasps. “I need you to – not just – not just me, okay? I want…” The rest of his sentence trails off but his eyes are suddenly focused and intense, locked completely with Levi’s own. “Please.”

And it’s the same eyes that Levi saw a month ago when he stood outside of this very house covered in travel-grime and sweat and he’s helpless against it, powerless to do anything but bury his face in the crook of Eren’s neck and groan as he fumbles his hand free and manages to finally steady his shaking fingers enough to dig them under his waistband and tug down. Eren raises his hips to help them slide free – moaning as the elastic drags over his dick – before finally pooling at his ankles and being kicked free.

Just like that Eren is naked and panting and flushed beneath Levi, dick hard and slick against his abs and stomach heaving with every desperate inhale and exhale.

Levi wants to touch him – leave nothing untouched – wants to burn this moment into Eren’s skin forever, to make it so every inch of him will remember all the things Levi is going to do to him.

More than that – he wants Eren to want it too. He needs Eren to need him as much as he needs Eren right now.

Eren’s fingers tighten on his shoulders. “Please,” he says again and his voice cracks. “Levi, please.”

Levi swears and it’s all he can do to press a kiss to Eren’s exposed throat before he turns to fumble blindly in his satchel which is lying abandoned behind him.

It takes several painful seconds of searching with his fingertips before he manages to feel the crinkle of the needed little silver packages that have been at the bottom of his bag untouched for all his stay in Berlin.

When he turns back Eren is watching him with wide eyes.

“If you want me to stop,” he says, “you need to tell me now. Eren, I can’t –.”

Eren is shaking his head before Levi can even finish speaking. “What I need,” he says, and he sounds almost coherent, “is for you to get the fuck back over here and touch me before I have to do it myself.”

Christ, Levi thinks as he leans forward and shoves Eren back on the floor as he somehow manages to rip a package of lube open with his teeth because he doesn’t trust himself not to drop it with his fingers. Jesus fucking Christ – I’m doomed.

He opens Eren up as slowly as he possibly can, listening intently for any sign that this is too much, that Eren needs him to stop, but the only thing Eren does is breathe evenly and deeply through the initial uncomfortableness as Levi’s first finger slides slick but deep in him, digging his nails hard enough into Levi’s shoulder blades that he feels the skin break.

It shouldn’t turn him on but it does because everything right now has narrowed to Eren’s touch on his skin and the sound he makes when Levi spreads him open with another finger, leaning forward to take a nipple gently between his teeth so that the pained hiss turns into a groan.

By the time he has a third finger in he manages to find Eren’s prostate, scraping against it as he presses so that Eren actually cries out and clings to Levi in a shaking, sobbing mess as he pushes back on his fingers, trying to get him to find the spot again and Levi just can’t hold out anymore.

He pulls away and Eren makes a garbled complaint that Levi can’t even understand because he slipped back into German a while ago, but when he sees Levi tearing open the condom packet his breath hitches and he turns his head away, but the way his dick is twitching against his stomach tells Levi it’s out of embarrassment rather than fear.

Still, he pauses as he settles between Eren’s legs and smooths one hand along his cheek until he can once again see the green – so fucking intense, god – of Eren’s eyes.

“Okay?” He asks, and he hasn’t touched his own cock once and he’s so fucking hard and desperate but he needs one final affirmation from Eren before he can allow himself to do this.

Eren’s lashes cast spider-web shadows on his cheeks as his eyes close and he raises one arm to cover them, but he nods firmly, gripping at Levi’s shoulder with a hand.

Levi takes a breath and pushes in.

It takes everything he has not to hold Eren down and fuck him mercilessly – he feels his breath knocked out of him as Eren tenses around him and he’d known Eren was a virgin but any memories Levi has about first-time sex are foggy at best so he’s completely unprepared for the way Eren’s body feels so tight it rips every last piece of oxygen from him as thoroughly as if he’d stepped into a vacuum.

Eren’s hiding his face behind his arm but his chest is rising and falling so rapidly that Levi feels a flare of alarm. “Hey,” he coaxes as he takes Eren’s wrist to pull his arm away. Eren resists for a second but ultimately allows Levi to move it. “Do you need me to stop?”

The idea of stopping is nearly physically painful with the way his cock is throbbing and his brain is urging him to just slam his hips forward, but Levi’s not a fucking animal and if this is too much – if Eren can’t – he’ll end it as easily as he’d begun it.

“That’s not…” Eren’s voice is hoarse and gasping. “Just… Slowly, okay?”

Levi bends and presses a kiss to his forehead before he starts them at a rhythm.

It’s so slow it hurts but with each steady roll of his hips Eren grows less and less tense, arms coming up to circle Levi’s back as he makes an effort to move with him, face buried in Levi’s shoulder until Levi manages to find his sweet spot and he lets out a strangled shout and presses his fingers hard enough into Levi’s back to bruise.

“Again,” he begs and Levi angles and pushes and is rewarded by a strained groan as Eren buckles beneath him and urges Levi’s hips harder and harder – faster, faster, faster.

“Fuck,” Levi gasps as he presses his hands into the floor either side of Eren’s twisting body, thrusting with abandon and feeling the clench in his stomach, the white-out of his vision. Eren’s so warm and hot and fucking beautiful and Levi’s not going to be able to hold out any longer he’s –

Eren cries out and tenses around him hard, back arching off the floor and eyes flying wide open as his orgasm hits.

The sight of him – the hot feel of his come spurting against his stomach – is too much for Levi and he shudders desperately as he feels everything inside him snap and he’s only dimly aware of one of his hands on Eren’s hips as he holds him to the ground, of pushing himself deep inside of him, but it’s all background noise to the thrumming in his head and the hot spill of his blood. “Eren,” he gasps aloud; and he keeps on gasping it until he can see again.

They’re both still, panting against each other’s skins, and it takes Levi a long moment before he can move, pulling out of Eren as gently as he can. A small hiss of pain escapes him anyway and Levi can do nothing but press his lips to his collarbone in apology because he might not remember much about his first time but he does remember how raw it tends to leave you.

He doesn’t look at Eren as he shuffles back, stripping the condom off and tying it as he drops it in the bin by his desk before grabbing a handful of tissues and wiping Eren’s come off his stomach.

Levi doesn’t really know what to do now – if there’s a protocol for this. Everything in him is screaming to just do up his pants, find a shirt and run as far away as he possibly can.

Eren’s still lying on his back but he’s staring at the ceiling, not even looking at him.

Levi wonders if he’s just fucked things up beyond repair because Eren is fifteen – and he knows he hasn’t done anything technically illegal; consent in Germany is fourteen so Eren’s been legal for close to two years – but illegal and wrong don’t always coincide.

“I don’t suppose,” Eren says into the silence and Levi starts, “that I could convince you to just stop thinking about things for a second and lie down with me?”

Eren looks at him and smiles – eyes bright and clear but tired in a way that losing your virginity to a man ten years your senior will leave you.

Levi hesitates – considers just getting up and bolting – but Eren’s just staring at him wordlessly with nick and scrapes from Levi’s teeth on his neck and bruises from his fingers on his waist and Levi doesn’t want to say no.

Slowly – and Levi doesn’t know who he thinks will bolt if he moves too quickly; him or Eren – he crawls along the floor until he’s by Eren’s side and it’s too hot for this, they’re covered in sweat from heat and sex and it is definitely too hot for this, but when Eren cautiously takes his arm and drapes it behind his shoulders Levi can’t help but pull him close.

They stay like that for so long Levi loses track of time. At some point the sun goes down and Eren’s breathing goes from being deep and measured to soft and even and Levi realizes he’s fallen asleep.

He’s twenty-five years old and he’s lying on a floor in Berlin with his arms around a teenager whose virginity he’s just taken.

Levi closes his eyes and breathes deeply through the sheer onslaught of panic.

Eren is fifteen and has his whole life ahead of him and if the Jaegers learn that Levi has essentially deflowered their barely-legal teenage son he can’t even pretend he knows the shit show that would go down.

He turns his head slightly and feels the brush of Eren’s dark hair against his chin as he looks down at him.

He’s gorgeous and tenacious and everything he says and does makes Levi never want to let him go.

It’s that thought more than anything – the possessive urge to stay and give up on all his dreams, to put aside his rising status as an international photographer and fuck what anybody else thought – that galvanises Levi into action.

Slowly, so as not wake Eren, he shifts his arm from underneath him and rolls away.

Eren’s eyes flutter slightly but he doesn’t wake as Levi gets to his feet, doesn’t stir when Levi drags the blanket off his bed and drops it over him.

It’s a mark of how few possessions he has that he manages to be packed in under five minutes.

Standing at the doorway with his bag slung over one shoulder and his camera in his hands Levi feels inexplicably lost. He doesn’t know what he’s doing – where the fuck he plans on going now – and it’s all he can do just to take a moment to stare at Eren, the naked sprawl of his skin and the snarls of his hair brushing loose along his brow.

This will be the last time Levi ever sees him.

The snap of his shutter is lonely and loud in the room and by the time Eren wakes up five hours later – confused and hurt and alone – Levi is on a plane to France.

.

Levi doesn’t remember how he figured out where Eren lives – doesn’t remember anything that seems to have happened before that fifth drink, really – but somehow he’s standing out front of his apartment door with no clue how he got there.

Eren answers after the first knock and Levi doesn’t wait to catch the look of shock or disgust or whatever else he’d be after discovering Levi standing outside at one in the morning, only steps in so suddenly Eren has no choice but to step back and kicks the door aggressively closed behind him.

“What –.” Eren starts to say but Levi reaches up and grabs his shirt and shoves;topples them both to the ground in one fluid movement so that Eren is sprawled on his back and Levi is straddling his waist, legs folded either side of his hips while his fingers clench tight in Eren’s shirt – the second time in less than twenty-four hours.

“Do you hate me?” He growls and Eren just gapes.

“Levi, what the –.”

“It’s a simple question, you shithead. Four words and a question mark – don’t act like you can’t fucking understand me. Do you hate me?”

Eren just stares up at him with wide eyes and Levi can’t – he’s just so fucking angry. Angry because Eren had to come back into his life, angry because he couldn’t fucking leave well enough alone, angry because Eren had grown up in ten years but still managed to be exactly the same person and angry because some part of him thinks he’s been stuck on standstill ever since the day he left Eren lying there on the floor.

He was just angry.

“Are you drunk?” Eren asks after a pause and Levi averts his gaze. Eren sighs, runs a hand through his hair and somehow manages to look more exasperated than anything else, like Levi hadn’t just stalked him to his goddamn apartment and practically assaulted him. “Do you need me to like, I don’t know, call a cab for you or something?”

Levi narrows his eyes and tightens his grip on Eren’s shirt, settling himself properly on his chest so that Eren winces under the pressure of his weight. “I can walk home just fine,” – except for the fact he probably can’t, because he doesn’t even remember getting here, doesn’t even really remember where here is – “and I’ll leave just as soon as you answer my question.”

“Levi,” Eren says, and Levi can hear the patronizing tone before he even starts speaking, feels it boil his blood because ten years ago Eren worshiped the ground he walked on and now here he is speaking like Levi is a particularly dull child – he doesn’t know why he’s so upset when this is exactly what he should want. “You’re drunk off your face and white as a sheet. We’ve got work tomorrow, so you should probably go home.”

“Answer the question.”

“Or alternatively,” Eren proposes without skipping a beat, “you can sleep on the sofa if you think you can’t make it back to your apartment.”

It occurs to Levi that Eren is dodging the question but the realization doesn’t make it to anywhere in his brain that is saturated with ten ounces of vodka. “You don’t want me in your apartment,” he scoffs.

“Whether I want you in my apartment or not isn’t the point,” Eren hisses. “You’re drunk and unfortunately you’re here and I’m not the kind of person to let a co-worker – fuck, anybody – walk home when they’re too smashed to see straight.”

Levi closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath but doesn’t move from his perch, feeling the steady rise of Eren’s chest beneath his thighs. “All you have to say is ‘yes’ and I’m gone,” he says. “One word is all it takes, Eren. Do you hate me?”

Eren stays silent beneath him.

Levi’s eyes fly open and without meaning to – without thinking about what he’s doing – he yanks Eren up by his shirt so their faces are barely half an inch apart. “I need you to tell me you hate me,” he snaps. “I – just – fuck. You need to say yes – why the fuck won’t you say it? Is this your way of getting revenge? You think if you just stay silent long enough you’ll hurt me so bad I can’t recover? Fuck, I always knew you were a manipulative shit. Is that what this is about, Eren? Revenge?”

“I don’t know what this is about because I have no clue what the fuck you’re saying!” Eren roars so suddenly that Levi’s heart freezes because he’s never heard Eren raise his voice like that– never seen that look on his face before.

Bad move, he thinks suddenly, abort.

Levi goes to move, to dismount and back away as quickly as possible, but he’s drunk and Eren’s not and he stands no chance when Eren lurches to his knees with enough force that Levi falls to the ground, Eren looming over him, boxing him in with hands either side of his head as he glares down at Levi with enough intensity that something that had been unhinged in his mind since he’d decided drinking away his sorrows was the best course of action slots into place.

“I don’t know what you want from me,” Eren spits. “Do you want the truth, Levi? Because the truth is I’ve spent ten years of my life being pissed off at you but not once in all of those years have I ever thought I hated you.”

No, Levi thinks as he stares blankly up at him, fingers curling into fists at his sides because this isn’t going the way he needs it to go. He needs Eren to say it – he needs Eren to tell him how much he hates him, how despicable and horrible he is. He needs Eren to cut off that last connection between them because Levi can’t do it himself.

He needs to give up on Eren and yet Eren is – typically – making it all very difficult.

“You’ve been so hung up on the fact that I was fifteen that it seems to slip your mind that I’m not anymore.” Eren’s jaw is set in that distinct way he’s had all of his life, a tight line of effortless tension as he breathes in shallow breaths. “I was so angry at you – I still fucking am – but more than that, I thought if I ever met you again I’d like you to treat me like I’m worth something. I thought…” Eren trails off and makes a pained noise. “I thought it’d be nice if – just once – you could look at me the way you look at the world through your camera.”

Levi stares at him, at the way his expression has slipped from fury to wistfulness to earnestness all in the course of a single confession. The furrow between his brows is familiar – the light in his eyes and the tight corners of his mouth.

It’s the same expression it’s always been.

Levi’s drunk – he’s sobered up some since coming here, but he’s still drunk enough to count – so when he speaks, when the words blurt out of his mouth like fucking verbal diarrhoea, he chooses to blame it on that.

“I still have a photo of you,” he says and Eren’s eyes go wide. “The last one I ever took – snapped it as I was walking out the door.” He laughs, low and a little desperate. “It’s pathetic, isn’t it? I deleted every copy of the other shots and kept that one all because I remember thinking ‘this is the last time I’ll ever see him’ – and yet here you are; because apparently it’s not enough to fuck up my life without meaning to ten years ago, you have to do it again now.”

“You’re drunk,” Eren says, but he says it like he’s trying to convince himself of something.

“I am,” Levi admits. “But that doesn’t mean I’m not telling you the truth.”

Eren moves; shifting in closer so his body is lying pretty much parallel to Levi’s, lowering himself down onto his elbow to free his hands so he can cup Levi’s face gently between them, stroking his thumbs over the bruising beneath his eyes.

Levi’s breath falters and all he can see above him is green.

“If I were to kiss you,” Eren whispers and the words ghost soft over Levi’s skin, “would you let me?”

God yes, Levi thinks but no words come out of his mouth – it’s like his brain froze somewhere between admitting that he’s never been – never will be – over Eren Jaeger and now this whole situation is no longer in his hands.

Eren pushes his hair out of his eyes and it’s so tender and careful and the way that Eren is looking at him isn’t much better.

“You don’t have to answer me now,” Eren says. “And if you did I wouldn’t hold you to it. Actually, no. Never mind. Forget it. You’re still drunk and I just, I shouldn’t…”

Eren goes to move back and finally something in Levi snaps into life as Eren shifts to his knees and away from him.

He doesn’t think – doesn’t stop to doubt himself or remember – only reaches up to fist his hand in Eren’s hair and yank him back to him.

It’s been ten years since the last time they did this and Levi can feel every single one of them in the way that Eren responds to his kiss – that is to say immediately and with skill and confidence that hadn’t been there before, but the clear enthusiasm with which he whole-heartedly devotes himself to it is exactly the same.

The feel of his lips moving against his own, the soft push as he manoeuvres Levi’s mouth open and deepens the kiss with a careful flick of his tongue – all of it fills something up inside of Levi that hasn’t been whole since Berlin.

Levi’s drunk enough that it could have devolved into sex right then and there, but it’s Eren who pulls away first, pressing one last quick peck to Levi’s lips.

“Where are you going?” Levi demands as Eren moves away from him, making grabbing gestures in his general direction. “Get the fuck back down here.”

Eren smiles and catches one of his hands, bringing it up to his lips and laying a light kiss along his knuckles. “No, if we’re doing this we’re doing it right,” he says, and his voice is so determined that Levi suddenly doesn’t doubt that they can do this. “I don’t think sex while you’re drunk is a good idea right now.”

“Says you,” Levi snorts but he allows Eren to pull him up. “I think it’s an excellent idea.”

Eren laughs and doesn’t let go of his hand as he leads him through the apartment. “Of course you do; and if you still think that when you wake up maybe we’ll give it a shot.”

“When I wake up?” Levi asks and raises an eyebrow.

“Well,” Eren mulls as he pushes open the door to the bedroom. “I did say you could stay at my apartment tonight. I’m even going to be nice and say you don’t have to take the couch.”

“How generous,” Levi says when what he really means is: are we really going to try this after everything that’s happened and Eren squeezes his hand when what he really means is: I’m willing to try if you are.

It’s dark in the room when Eren clicks the door shut and Levi sits down on the edge of the bed and waits.

He doesn’t wait long.

For a gesture that is so traditionally associated with the erotic there’s nothing even remotely sexual about it when Eren slips his fingers under the hem of Levi’s shirt and levers it over his head, folding it neatly at the end of the bed because he remembers how much Levi hates crumpled clothing. Levi reaches up and helps Eren out of his; expertly folding it atop of his own because he knows Eren won’t do it himself.

The covers rustle loudly as they slip under them and – for a moment – Levi can’t bring himself to actually close the little strip of no-man’s land between them because last time he let himself hold Eren everything had gone to shit.

“You’re thinking too much again,” Eren says and it comes out rather quiet in the moon painted silence of the bedroom.

Levi closes his eyes and works to still the panicked thrumming of his heart. The combination of nerves and alcohol is making him dizzy in an uncomfortable way.

“Hey,” Eren says, and Levi feels his fingers on his arms as he slides in close. “You alright?”

No, Levi thinks desperately because he’s a little afraid this is all a dream; that maybe Eren did show up in his life three days ago but the fist to his face sent him into a coma along the way.

It seems like the only rational explanation right now.

“If this whole thing turns out to be because of brain swelling, I swear I’ll hunt you down and murder you myself,” Levi whispers into Eren’s shoulder and feels the way he shakes with laughter against him.

“You say the most romantic things,” Eren snickers, but his fingers comb softly though his hair and Levi can feel him sombre up. “I’m not saying this is going to be easy. I’m not going to pretend that you didn’t hurt me, but I’m starting to realize it was a lot more about hurting each other. We were young and you were stupid,” Levi snorts into his skin and Eren allows himself a brief smile before continuing, “and we both fucked each other up good.  It’s not going to fix itself overnight, but I’m thinking we just might get there in the end.”

Levi sucks in a deep breath and then another and everything smells like warmth and summer and Berlin – like Eren.

He could get used to this, he thinks as Eren’s fingers trace shapeless patterns on his shoulders, the warmth at his side and the skin so close to his – he could get used to it.

.

Levi’s life is a mess for a year and a half before he caves and calls Erwin.

“I fucked up,” he says the second he answers the phone. “I fucked up so bad, Erwin, I really did.”

Erwin doesn’t ask him what he means or where he is or even what he’s been doing since he left a note on the Jaeger’s kitchen table nearly eighteen months ago and vanished without a trace. He doesn’t even pause or go silent or ask why Levi is calling him now of all times; the only thing he says is: “What do you need?”

Erwin gets him on the first flight from Amsterdam to New York and is waiting for him at Kennedy when his plane lands nine hours later.

“You reek,” he says by way of greeting and it’s a mark of how well he knows him that he doesn’t even try to take his bag, only hands him a coffee and turns to walk, expecting Levi to follow him without a word.

He does.

There’s a car outside with Hanji at the wheel and when Levi slides into the backseat looking like a fucking bum she simply grins and asks if he’d settle the debate that 90’s rock will always be better than 80’s, thank you very much Erwin.

Levi doesn’t say a word, just watches as New York whizzes by outside the window and wonders vaguely when he let himself gets so bad that his hands shake hard enough that he can’t even hold his camera.

They pull in at a hotel and Hanji hands the keys over to the valet before sauntering off towards the nearest shopping centre with the intention of probably buying Levi a whole new wardrobe, wiggling her fingers over her shoulder at him as she goes.

Erwin checks him into a sprawling room on the thirteenth floor and doesn’t comment when Levi veers straight for the bathroom upon arrival and shuts the door firmly behind himself.

He looks at the shower – large and gorgeous and spacious – and imagines trying to stand for long enough to get clean, imagines not and collapsing on the tiles so Erwin has to kick down the door and drag his naked, shivering ass to the emergency room.

Levi turns to the tub and tries not to be ashamed of how badly his legs shake as he strips off and slides in, holding heavily to the rim as he goes because the fucking bathtub is nearly as deep as he is tall when he sits down.

Because Levi is someone who has spent the past several months with infrequent access to things like soap and shampoo he stays in the bathroom for over an hour and washes his hair no less than six times until strands of it come away in his soaped up hands and his fingertips start to swell from the constant rubbing.

He goes to get out only to discover that sometime in the last seventy-odd minutes his legs had given up on him and he can do nothing but slosh water everywhere as he staggers to his knees on the ground, sopping wet and cold and trembling.

His vision goes black and he can’t move, only sink to the floor and try to breathe through the way the room spins fast enough around him that he’s almost sick on the expensive marble beneath him.

He hears the door creak behind him but if he opens his eyes to look he’ll be sick.

“You’re a mess,” Erwin says bluntly and Levi laughs so hard he ends up winded.

Erwin waits until Levi’s breathing evens out and his vision comes back in sprays of shuddering colour before he approaches, tossing a towel over his shoulders so that it settles on his damp skin and Levi levers himself upright, pulling the towel around him as he leans against the bath for support.

Erwin’s sleeves are rolled up to his elbows as he bends over to unplug the tub and the sharp rattle of the water draining is unnecessarily loud in Levi’s ears.

“Hanji dropped some clothes off,” Erwin says. “Do you want me to bring them in?”

Levi considers his chances of being able to stand long enough to get on a fucking pair of pants and then considers the alternative of having Erwin dress him like a toddler. His pride is in fucking tatters as it is sitting butt-fuck naked on the floor of a hotel room he hadn’t even paid for and he doesn’t think he could handle the idea of sinking even lower.

He shakes his head. “I’ll just sit here for a second,” he says as nonchalantly as he can. “Catch my breath.”

Erwin eyes him in that completely impassive way he has before sighing and lowering himself to the floor to sit beside him without a word.

The wall across from the tub is completely made up of mirrors and Levi has been making a concentrated effort not to look since he’d realized, but with Erwin sitting quietly beside him and soft shivers racking his shoulders he finds his eyes drawn to it.

He’s pale and skinny and his hair has grown long enough that it licks at his shoulders and his eyes are sallow and rimmed black. Levi hasn’t even made a token attempt at modesty with the towel only hanging loose around his shoulders and his shuddering frame is visibly gaunt.

There are obvious needle marks in the insides of his elbows.

Erwin meets his eyes in the mirror and Levi looks away.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Erwin asks, voice casual like asking after lunch plans. “I’m not going to make you but I can’t help until I know what I’m dealing with.”

Levi closes his eyes and feels his stomach twist again because he doesn’t even know where to begin. He chooses to go for the simplest explanation.

“I fucked the Jaeger's fifteen year old kid,” he says tiredly. “And, if I’m being honest, I probably would have done it again if I’d stuck around.”

It’s silent except for the drip of water.

“Well,” Erwin says after a considerable pause, “if I had been aware you planned on sleeping with their barely-legal son I might not have told them that you’d be the perfect guest to have in their home.”

Levi snorts and the way it almost hurts is pathetic. “I’m fully aware I fucked up.”

“The thing is; I don’t think you are. You made a mistake – but running off all over Europe for eighteen months making a thousand more doesn’t solve anything. What did you think you were accomplishing by disappearing off the map? You can’t unfuck Eren by torturing yourself like this.”

“I’m not torturing myself,” Levi snaps.

“Levi,” Erwin says without missing a beat. “You can’t even hold your camera right now. Forget whatever you’ve been doing in the interim; that alone tells me everything I need to know.”

Levi wants to laugh at him – or maybe at himself – but he’s tired and thin and cold. The best he can do is shrug because Erwin’s right and Levi has been doing a lot of stupid shit since Berlin; diving into the seediest worlds of fashion and photography until he emerged in a completely different world entirely.

It had been a distraction from dreaming about green eyes and gold skin and every time it didn’t work – every time Levi woke hard and panting with the taste of Eren on his lips – the angrier he got.

“I don’t know what to do,” Levi admits suddenly, and runs shaky fingers through his hair. The towel slips off the flex of his shoulders. “You’re right. Fuck. I’m a goddamn mess. I don’t even remember the last time I worked. I don’t remember the last time I took a fucking picture.” He laughs even though he knows it’ll hurt and he’s not wrong. “Look at me; I’m sitting naked on the floor of a bathroom because I don’t trust myself not to fall the moment I stand up. If this isn’t rock bottom I don’t know what is.”

Levi doesn’t really know how to cry – doesn’t remember the last time he did, if ever – so the most he’s capable of doing with his sheer frustration is squeezing his fingers into fists as his shoulders shake.

There’s the sound of expensive shoes on water-slick marble as Erwin gets back to his feet, dusting his hands lightly on his trousers as he stands. “You might not have been aware during your little spree of self-pity, but in the past few months quite a few of your photos have made it into well respected magazines,” Erwin says evenly and Levi frowns, uncertain where he was taking this. “It’s probably just as well you disappeared for no verifiable reason because at least nobody has seen the wreck you’ve become. Your reputation is still intact and your work admired.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Levi asks flatly as Erwin bends to pick up the fallen towel, draping it carefully over Levi’s shoulders again before extending a hand to help him to his feet. Levi stares at it for a moment before taking it and letting Erwin slowly pull him up. His legs ache and the action leaves him annoyingly breathless but he doesn’t fall.

“What I’m trying to say is you can still come back. One of my lead photographers quit just the other week and I’ve not yet looked into hiring a new one.”

“You want me to work for you?” Levi asks skeptically as his fingers slip from Erwin’s.

“If you’d like,” Erwin says neutrally. “I’m not offering you a job just as a friend; I’m offering you a job because of your talent.”

Levi considers it for a moment and then decides why the fuck not. It’s not like he’s got other plans and he thinks he’s probably done with the international circuit for a while.

“I’m homeless and poor and I’m probably going to go through the worst detox in the world in the next few weeks,” he says flatly to Erwin as he raises his fingers to the edge of the towel, pulling it closer around him. “I’m going to be hell to be around for a while until I get back on my feet and if you ever ask me to go anywhere near Berlin I’ll probably quit on the spot.” He raises an eyebrow. “Is that okay with you?”

“Sounds perfect,” Erwin agrees.

Six months later Levi has an apartment with his name on the lease and a job with fucking dental benefits.

People at work call him ‘Sir’ and Levi can’t remember the last time someone who wasn’t a back-alley drug dealer looked at him and saw a ‘Sir’.

Nobody asks what he did while he was on what Erwin has explained as a Hiatus and nobody asks why there isn’t a single photo he’s published from his time in Berlin.

The truth is Levi has a lot of photos from Berlin – of the fashion shows and the magazines that commissioned him – and he’d thought about publishing them once or twice because Hanji seemed to be a firm believer in better late than never, but every time he looks at them he’s reminded of long days shirtless beneath the soft whirl of his fan and the way Eren laughed.

Levi gives the whole lot to Erwin and tells him to do as he pleases; which is evidently nothing, because he never sees them again.

The photos of Eren are a different story entirely.

The first time Levi picks up his camera again and sees them he panics.

He’d never actually looked at them after they were taken and it’s highly possible that it had been the last time he’d used his camera since. He’d all but forgotten their existence so busy pushing anything and everything related to Eren to the back of his mind.

They seem endless as he flicks through and Levi wants nothing more than to delete them all – to never have to be reminded of the way Eren’s face flushed when aroused or how his eyes clouded dark when Levi towered over him.

So he does.

His finger on the delete button is heavy as he mashes it repeatedly and watches Eren’s face vanish in seconds. He hits it again and again – six times endlessly.

The last photo stops him in his tracks.

It’s Eren still but it’s not the seductive sprawl of his body, the smirk on his lips – it’s that one last photo Levi snapped as he walked out the door.

He needs to delete it.

Eren’s gone and they’re done and Levi just needs to let it go.

He’s over it now. He’s moved on.

He prints the picture off ten minutes later and deletes the digital from his camera. He can’t explain to himself why he does it without sounding pathetic – only that of all the photos that came from Berlin; this is the only one that feels beautiful.

The only problem is the moment he has it in his hand, he knows he’s never going to be able to look at it again.

The photo goes in a box at the back of his closet and never comes out.

He knows he’s not moving on – can’t possibly be if he can’t bear not to have a reminder of Berlin – but as he closes the closet door he convinces himself he will.

He’ll get over Eren Jaeger one day and in the meantime he’s willing to wait.

.

Levi wakes up to soft morning sunlight and green eyes.

“Hey,” Eren smiles as Levi blinks blearily at him.

“What time is it?” He rasps, staring groggily at the way Eren’s hair stood up in all directions like he was actually a dog rather than a goddamn model.

“Just past nine.”

Levi frowns. “We’re late for work.”

“Already called Erwin,” Eren says in reply. He raises his brow and smirks. “Somehow, he didn’t seem all that surprised to hear from me. He says the both of us should take the day off.”

Levi starts and goes to sit up only for Eren to grab his wrist and haul him back down. “You told him?”

“No, no,” Eren assures him as he strokes his fingers soothingly along Levi’s arm in a way that relaxes him embarrassingly fast. “He just seemed to know.”

It does sound like Erwin, Levi has to admit, and while he doesn’t think Erwin is quite devious enough to have plotted this outcome from the start – although he would certainly be capable of it – he thinks that Erwin probably considered it a pleasant bonus.

Reluctantly Levi relaxes back into the mattress and Eren immediately shuffles in closer, tilting Levi’s jaw with two fingers and smiling at him.

“I have gross morning breath,” Levi warns.

Eren laughs. “I really could care less,” he says and leans in to kiss him.

The kiss is lazy and pointless in a way that none of their kisses in the past had been – there is nothing intentional in the way they move their lips; no desired outcome or objective. It’s just Levi’s hands on Eren’s bare shoulders and Eren’s hair tickling his face. When Eren pulls back after a solid minute it takes everything Levi has not to just stare at him blankly.

“You have no idea how long I’ve waited to do that,” Eren whispers like it’s a secret and something in Levi breaks.

“I love you,” he blurts. “You’re a little shit and you annoy the fucking piss out of me and probably will until the day I die; but fucking hell, I love you.”

Eren’s mouth drops and he stares at him for such a long moment that Levi’s heart trips in his chest and he digs his fingers into Eren’s shoulders to keep from rolling out of bed and running because it’s about time he took a chance on something.

“You’re … you’re not just saying that to shut me up or something, are you?” Eren asks, although his voice is weak and his eyes are wide.

Levi huffs and nudges him in the calf with his toe. “Have I ever done something so stupid?”

And then – slowly, like the sun coming out on a cloudy day – Eren smiles; stupidly happy and a little baffled but mostly like Levi’s just given him a fucking gold ring and asked him if he fancies a trip to the altar.

He doesn’t say anything back and Levi doesn’t need to hear it anyway; Levi has never been a fan of words because it’s all too easy to lie, but Eren has never been a fan of actions because ten years ago Levi taught him they’re easy enough to walk away from.

“We should probably go shower,” Eren says as he tucks his face into the small of Levi’s neck and places a gentle kiss to his throat. “You smell like you’ve been rolling around behind the bar at the world’s most illegal nightclub.”

Levi snorts but threads his fingers through Eren’s hair and tries to act like the honest domesticity of the situation isn’t vaguely frightening. “And by shower do you mean actually shower or something else entirely?”

Eren smirks against his skin. “That depends,” he says, “on your definition of ‘something else entirely’.”

Levi’s not sure on his definition but Eren’s apparently involves pinning Levi to the shower wall by his hips and sucking him off with such ease that Levi is hissing out curses with his fingers in Eren’s hair to avoid coming in under five minutes.

“Fuck,” he swears as Eren does a thing with his tongue that makes him throw his head back hard enough to hurt when it hits the wall.

Eren pulls away. “Too quick?” He asks, and it should sound like he’s teasing but instead it just sounds like he’s genuinely wondering if he needs to slow down or not.

“It’s going to be over very quickly if you keep that up,” he warns and Eren laughs at him but lets Levi tug him back up for a kiss.

Levi’s arms are around Eren’s shoulders as Eren grinds against him with enough force that Levi is all but helplessly pinned to the wall beneath him. It’s been a long time and Eren’s fucking grown and not just goddamn physically either; the way he moves is much more practiced and Levi tries to stamp down on the jealousy that pumps through him at the thought.

“Levi,” Eren groans as he sucks a bruise against his neck, rutting their hips together easily. The water makes their cocks drag against each other with just the right amount of friction and when Eren manages to get a hand between them to jerk them both off Levi rakes his nails hard enough down the length of his spine that Eren nearly shouts.

It’s over pretty quickly after that – Eren squeezes so hard that Levi near goddamn sees stars and everything whites out for one pure, blissful minute as he comes.

When he settles back down to reality his forehead is resting in the crook of Eren’s neck and Eren’s fingers are loose on his hips – the spray of the showerhead is alarmingly cool on his heated skin.

“Wow,” Eren says into his hair and Levi snorts.

“Don’t pretend like you haven’t had completely mind-blowing sex that knocks this out of the water,” he mutters and he feels Eren’s fingers tighten on his hips.

“It’s not about the sex you have but who you have it with,” Eren replies and Levi’s heart actually freezes because he may not believe in the value of words, but he’s about a hundred percent sure Eren just told him that this is then, now and forever.

“You’re an idiot,” he says into his shoulder and tries to fight the smile he can feel building. “You’re a fucking dork. I have no clue what I see in you.”

“Well,” Eren ponders and Levi can feel him smirking against his forehead, “someone told me a long time ago that he only takes pictures of things he finds beautiful and I like to think he might have been talking about more than the fact I grew up to become a model.”

Levi closes his eyes shut and grins.

He’s thirty-five years old and standing naked under a shower with the man he’s spent the last ten years thinking was a dead-end. Tomorrow he’s going to have to go into work wearing Eren’s teeth marks on his neck and he’s sure makeup is going to flip when they see the scratches he just left on Eren’s back. Erwin’s going to be unbearably smug about the whole thing and Hanji’s going to be completely insufferable.

Levi finds for the first time in his life he really doesn’t care.

“You know what,” he says as he moves his lips to hover over Eren’s.

“What?” Eren smiles against his mouth.

“I think you might be right,” he says, and pulls him down for a kiss.

[buckybabybaby]

Mr Hollywood (Chapter 12)

Summary: Bucky Barnes, an underpaid teaching assistant in a small English village, dreams of a movie career back in his home country of America. He finally gets the break he's always wanted, and if it wasn't for you, his best friend, he wouldn't have been able to take it.

But is that fact enough to save your friendship when it's tested by the pressures of Hollywood?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes/Reader (Gender Neutral)

Word count: 2350 (the longest so far!)

Chapter summary: Bucky's first première!

Warnings: none!

A/n: this is so late, again! Sorry, again! Life is just so busy, all the time...

Previous: Chapter 11

Mr Hollywood Masterlist | Main Masterlist

*****

The train rattles it's way down to London, and you stare out at the passing trees, ignoring Dayton. You can feel his eyes on you, and you know he wants to talk about the events that lead to you calling him in a panic a couple of days ago, just after you'd realised you didn't have a clue what to wear to a première.

When you'd accepted Bucky's invitation you hadn't even thought about how everyone else there would be a celebrity of some sort, and that they would dress accordingly. Thank goodness Dayton is still part of that world and was able to help you out at such short notice, clearly thrilled that you were planning on attending, and more than happy to take the second ticket.

He nudges your arm to get your attention. “You okay?”

You glance his way, hum, and turn back to the window. He sighs from beside you, then moves to sit in the seat opposite, leaning forward to catch your eye.

“Y/N.”

“Dayton.”

“Look, you don't need to tell me what was said. Just, are you two okay now?”

“I think so.”

“Good.” He sits back again. “I'm not here to make excuses for him. At all. What he did was awful and it says a lot about you that you've managed to forgive him. He may be my brother but I'm not blind to his faults, it's just, I also know how cut up he was after it all. You mean everything to him, and I'm positive he won't do anything to hurt you again now he's got you back.”

“He said it wasn't worth losing me,” You say quietly. “And I couldn't lose him either. I wasn't myself when we weren't talking.”

“I know. And, just so we're clear, if for some reason he ever does do anything like this again, I won't hold back because he's my brother.”

You snicker at the idea. “Poor Bucky, no family loyalty.

“I mean it Y/N. You're like another sibling to me. It tore me apart when you two weren't getting along.”

Your smile drops at the thought of upsetting him. “Sorry.”

“Don't. Don't apologise when it wasn't your fault. Just swear that no matter what you'll come to me if you need help.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Dayton finishes his speech by moving back to your side and producing a bag of chocolate buttons out of his coat pocket, offering you a handful as you readjust yourself, conscious of not crumpling your outfit before you even get to the première. Watching as the landscape becomes more built up the closer to the city you travel, you mull over how fast things can change.

Only a month ago you couldn't imagine yourself ever wanting to see Bucky again, let alone attend his début at a red carpeted event, and now you can't imagine yourself being anywhere else.

*****

You can only just see Bucky through the mass of people in the cinemas lobby. A mix of TV stars and their entourage make getting to him impossible, so you and Dayton stay on the sidelines, looking on with matching proud grins.

Bucky's stylist flutters around in front of him, adjusting his bow-tie as he appears to zone out, moving this way and that as directed in a daze.

“He looks a bit scared doesn't he? I've always avoided this side of fame, I don't like interviews much.”

“Really? What about that short film you made about your diet? And your...” You turn to him as you try to remember. “Your OS system?”

He chokes in surprise. “You've seen that?”

“Everyone has! When I first met you I was a bit worried because of it.” You say, amused by how flustered Dayton's become. “It was such a relief when I found out you were not as pretentious as that video suggested.”

“It was meant as a joke!”

“I don't think many people saw it that way.”

“No, I know that now. Perhaps that's why I crashed my car, maybe I did it on purpose so people would forget about that video when I was dying.”

You gasp, lightly smacking his arm. “Don't say that!”

Before you can launch into a lecture about inappropriate jokes, he's shouting his brothers name over your shoulder, spinning you in his direction, and disappearing off to leave you alone. Watching as Bucky weaves his way through the crowds to get to you, your heart aches with want.

He looks so good. Between his light blue suit, fluffy hair, and the way the colour is coming back into his cheeks at the sight of you, if you weren't already head over heels for him this image would be your downfall.

“Hello,” He breathes, stopping in front of you.

“Hi.”

“I was frightened you weren't coming.”

“I said I would, didn't I?”

“Yes, but-”

“And I always keep my word, you know that.”

“I do. Thank you.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Dunno. Sick? This is so weird, I have no idea what I'm doing.”

“You'll be okay Bucky. And you look the part. Very pretty.”

He flushes at the praise. “Thank you. So do you.”

“Not playing it safe with a black suit, I see.”

“No, I thought...” He runs a hand down the lapel self-consciously. “Does it look okay?”

“Yes Bucky. You look great.”

“Thank you. And thank you for being here.

“Wouldn't have missed it.”

Dayton takes that as his opening to greet Bucky too, wishing him luck as he's called away for a last minute briefing. Watching him banter with Sam Wilson so easily reminds you of Isabella's words. She was right about him having a new best friend, but you're happy for him, not jealous or upset, and it's obvious the respect and admiration is mutual. A friendship like that is exactly what Bucky needs to get through this.

*****

Near the end of the evening, Dayton is dragged onto the red carpet for photo's with Bucky after a member of the paparazzi recognises him and causes a fuss until he agrees to join his brother. You use the moment to escape back into the venue, the flash bulbs and screaming fans a little too much for you to handle at that moment, and your wandering through the foyer leads you to a table full of merchandise for the new show.

Earlier in the day a few lucky fans had been invited to a meet and greet with the stars of the show, and as well as photo's with Bucky and Sam, they'd also taken away a goody bag full of branded products. A spare sack sits in the corner, and you can't resist taking a peak.

Inside, there's the pretty standard items you'd expect, pin badges and pencil cases, however the box at the bottom of the bag is what you're drawn to. Picking it out, you flip it over so you can see it's contents.

A miniature replica of Bucky, or his character at least, rests behind the clear film, complete with the metal arm that is evidently a big part of the story. It even looks like Bucky, the face, though small, recognisably his, and you well up as you think about what this must mean to him.

This is more than he could have ever dreamt of

You've just managed to wrestle the model out from the cable ties when a voice from behind you makes you jump.

“You must be Y/N.”

Startled, you hastily put the figurine back down on the table. Wincing when it rolls over the edge and falls to the floor with a thud, you reach down to retrieve it as you splutter. “Sorry! I wasn't going to take it! I was just looking.”

Straightening up, you turn to face the person who's caught you sneaking around, double taking as you meet Sam Wilson's eye.

“I'm sure you can have it if you want. And if anyone says anything, tell them I let you.” Holding his hand out, he introduces himself. “I'm Sam.”

“Yeah, I know,” You say, accepting his hand as you mentally scold yourself for being so starstruck. “I mean-”

“It's okay,” He interrupts with a smile. “You are Y/N, aren't you?” You nod. “Thought so. I've heard lots about you.”

“All good, I hope,” You try to joke, shoving your shaking hands behind your back

“Oh, absolutely.”

You don't know how to reply, palms sweating as you grip the toy.

“Sorry,” He cringes. “That sounded a little creepy, huh? I just mean Bucky speaks about you all the time.”

“Does he?” You squeak.

Sam laughs kindly. “You're precisely how he described. I can see why he's so-”

“Stop annoying Y/N, Wilson.”

Bucky pops up by your side, so close you can feel the heat from his body even through both of your outfits.

Sam's eyes flick between the two of you. “Okay, yeah, I can definitely see what this is. I guess I'll be seeing you around Y/N.” He leaves, grinning mischievously.

“What was that about?” You ask, confused.

“Nothing. Ready to go?”

You yawn, slipping the figurine in your pocket discreetly. “So ready.”

“I'm sorry I can't offer you a bed for the night. It seems rude to make you travel so far so late.”

“It's fine. Sophia's insisting I go back to theirs tonight so it'll take five minutes to get there once we're off the train.”

“Please send her my love. I feel like I haven't seen her for ages, some brother-in-law I am.”

“She understands.”

“I am trying to be better.” He links his arm with yours as you walk back out towards the underground. “It's a balancing act and it's not easy, but I am trying.”

*****

Bucky and the rest of the cast are making their way up up to Manchester for a talk show tomorrow morning, so you all travel together back to the mainline station. You stick close to Dayton, overwhelmed by the presence of so many famous faces, not wanting to do anything to embarrass yourself, or Bucky by association.

The others part ways quickly, their train due in later over on the other side of the railway concourse, and when they're gone you can relax again. Dayton finds your shyness around Bucky's cast mates entertaining, giggling quietly to himself at the way you collapse onto a bench in relief.

“It's not funny! I'm not used to this. Before tonight I'd met one celebrity, you, so excuse me for finding it a bit much.”

“Hey! You've met me too, I count.” Bucky protests from your side.

He's hung back to see you off, not sure of the next time he'll be free to meet up so he's making the most of the last minutes now.

“Okay, two. And then there was at least one hundred people of varying degrees of fame on that red carpet. I wasn't ready.”

“Neither was I.” Bucky rubs at his eye, looking as tired as you feel.

“You did really well though. And you'll be just as good tomorrow.”

“We'll see.”

“No, you'll be great.”

It's cold on the platform. Shuddering, you realise how wrong you were when you thought that you could get away without a jacket, and it doesn't go unnoticed.

“Cold?” Bucky asks.

“A little.”

In an instant, both he and Dayton are holding out their coats. You would try to object, however you've known them long enough to know they won't take no for an answer.  

Bucky pouts when you allow Dayton to slip his over your shoulders.

“I see how it is.”

You laugh at his disgruntled tone. “It would take forever for me to get yours back to you.”

“I could buy a new one.”

“I'm sure you could, money bags.”

He splutters at you as, laughing, you step out of his reach when he tries to tickle you in retaliation

Then the train is pulling in, and you hesitate as Dayton and Bucky hug, unsure if you should embrace him too. He makes that decision for you, wrapping his arms around you for the first time this year, and you struggle with your emotions, not wanting to let go as the doors open with a beep behind you. Dayton tugs gently on the back of his coat you're wearing to get you moving. Boarding the train whilst fighting off tears, you find a seat by the window and wave at Bucky through it until he's out of sight.

With nothing but your own reflection to look at now the sun has long since set and the countryside outside the city is shrouded in darkness, you find your eyes dropping, snuggling up in the warmth of Dayton's coat. Using the hood as a makeshift pillow, you would have fallen asleep had your companion not started talking.

“Where are you and Bucky going to go from here?”

You keep your eyes closed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, is there ever going to be a conversation about you two? Or is it going to continue like it always has, ignoring the obvious?”

You whine as you meet his gaze, not liking where this is going.

Dayton continues regardless. “You know I've never pressured either of you, so I'll only say this once. You two would be so good together. Basically perfect, like you were made for each other. Sophia agrees, all we want is for you both to be happy, and we think you would be if only you would admit how you feel to each other. It has to be on your terms though, at your pace, so I'm not going to push too much. I just hope you say something soon.”

You shrink further into his coat, sniffing as your eyes fill up. “It's safe not saying anything.”

“Oh, sweetheart.”

“What if he doesn't feel the same?”

“Of course he does, you don't have to be afraid of that.” Bringing you in to lean against his side, he strokes your arm comfortingly. “I know how you must be feeling, you've just got to be brave. It'll be worth it, I promise.”

*****

Chapter 13

A/n: This is the video they were talking about! I've made Dayton's character nothing like he is in Logan Lucky though, so for the purpose of this story, don't take it seriously! He would have meant it as a joke/parody of other ridiculous athletes and their silly diets.

[early-sxnsets]

tag game(s)

anï (i’m too exhausted to do three separate posts but i was tagged in three tag games over the past few days and i’d forgotten to do the last few games i was tagged in and i feel super guilty so here they are in one go)

i don’t know who to tag to do these rn because my brain is dead i am emotionally exhausted and i’m writing a fic that’s about halfway done so i’m gonna say tag anyone who wants to be tagged for any of these. i’m so sorry that i’m dead, i will be back alive again after may 10th, which is my AP exam day

six questions challenge

tagged by @simon--speaks

rules: answer the questions, then tag 9 people you want to get to know better!

Q1: Relationship status?

single bby

Q2: Favorite color?

maroon !

Q3: Top 3 ships?

snowbaz (wow) and uh. wow. idk who else. i wanna say my own ocs matchstick and summer (is that allowed? i’m making it allowed)

Q4: Lipstick or chapstick?

whenever i get to this question in any ask i freeze up because i use a tinted chapstick so i don’t look dead but like. it can also be seen as a lipstick because it has pigment. but. chapstick.

Q5: Last song I listened to?

Run by Hozier

Q6: Last movie I watched?

uhhh i watched like. 5 minutes of the emperor’s new groove a few days ago, and watched a documentary about obscure houses like 10 minutes before that. so. i’m gonna say the house documentary.

21 questions

i was tagged by @simon--speaks, @angelsfalling16, @wo2ash, @alixanderthequeer, @sharkmartini and @bazypitchandsimonsnow

rules: answer 21 questions then tag 21 people

nickname: anï, munchkin, menina, and my hebrew name is elisheva

height: the doctor says i’m 5′3.5″, but they can’t put fractions on IDs so according to the state i’m 5′4″ and i cling to that

last movie i saw: see above (so like. funky houses)

last thing i googled: (next town over) movie tavern. i’m not saying where it is exactly bc hah i don’t wanna be stalked but. i was looking at movie times because they have $5 movies every tuesday

favorite musician: frank iero. love that funky rat man and his funky music too (i’m gonna see him for the second time next month because i made the executive adult decision to say fuck it to my seizures and go see him anyway)

song stuck in my head: i don’t have one rn but usually it’s a song by the killers (when you were young is a usual one)

other blogs: none, actually! i didn’t delete my old tumblr purely bc i’m a nostalgic dumbass, but it’s a completely different login and it’s inactive so i don’t count it.

followers: 1,666 (originally i wasn’t gonna share the number but it hit this last night and i was like heh. nice)

following: 231

amount of sleep: 8ish hours! (spring break bby)

lucky numbers: 7, multiples of 3 (only in cases of knocking), and multiples of 2 (only in cases like volume)

dream job: writing and illustrating books! i have a variety of dream jobs within art, and even within the subcategory of books, but my top dream job is creating inclusive/diverse children’s books that represent a variety different ethnicities/races, religions, abilities, and identities so that children can see themselves represented in media

what i’m wearing: a black turtleneck, a bra, and marvel boxers. that’s it.

favorite food: soup in general. i make a kick ass matzo ball soup

language: english, conversational portuguese, i know a small small bit of japanese (i should know more given i was raised being taught it but i always struggled with it), and i know some spanish. i also plan on teaching myself ASL.

can i play an instrument: yes! i’ve been playing violin since i was 2. i wanna play guitar and i know some chords but i have small hands so it’s hard to find one that’s the right size that isn’t a shitty children’s guitar, and i sing! i’m an alto

favorite song: hnnghg please don’t make me pick................ i’d have to say choke on one another by death spells

random fact: so like. if you didn’t know already, i’m an LGBTQ+ youth activist on a national scale. i disappear on occasion because i’m doing something or another, and sometimes i post about it on my blog (speaking of i have exciting news that i heard, but at the same time, i’m pretty much booked every weekend from middle of next month until middle of july), but........ i hate networking. i loathe it. if i never had to network again, i’d be thrilled. networking is my absolute least favorite thing because i struggle at everyday conversation, much less networking with people at least 10-20 years my senior. sure it’s usually free publicity and i get great connections, but god. at what cost? and like.... it’s always after a really emotionally taxing event, so i’m already drained and then wow here’s a room full of adults who want my 18 year old input. please. just let me steal a cupcake then leave.

describe yourself in aesthetic things: dye stained fingernails and necks. cranked open windows during a spring shower. dried tears and breaking laughs. coffee stains and milky tea splashes. trembling fingers, writing instead of speaking because you’re too afraid, and finally breaking free--running through the rain. scabbing blood, fresh piercings. knowing you’re loved and not saying it because it doesn’t need to be spoken. the smell of a new canvas, paint splattered jeans, and art school sweaters. black skirts with docs, then fairy lights and soft blankets hidden behind sharp profanities and harsh disgust. the unexpected. the unknown. the ever-changing, unstoppable force of the shifting tides. 

carry on questions

tagged by @goodbyedandelion, @isthisisagoodkiss @wo2ash, 

1- favorite type of scone? 

cranberry orange! one of the farms a county over has a market and they sell them there and they’re to die for (altho, i found a sour cherry scone recipe that i’ve perfected and my family loves them so they’re a close second now)

2- london or la?

i’ve never been to london, but i’m gonna have to go with london. i went to la last october to present in an awards show for my organization and i lowkey was underwhelmed. i’m very much a gloom and rain kinda person, and it was too dry and sunny there. although, i did think the huge succulents were sick as fuck. but yeah definitely london. i’m planning to spend a semester abroad there in a few years for an illustration program

3- kissing in a forest or holding hands under the stars?

i’m afraid of forests because we have a lot of wildlife and i don’t want to get mauled by a bear don’t mind me holding hands under the stars :)

4- jeans or suit?

suit suit suIT SUIT suit. i love wearing suits. my chest doesn’t cooperate and my hips always hate them but god i do love suits.

5- loose hair or pulled back hair?

mine looks better loose, and my sides/back are shaved but the top reaches my ears, so it gets annoying sometimes and i pull it up to keep it out of my face

6- vampires or dragons?

i wanna say both. i used to say “yknow a dragon but in human form would be hot” then i got called dragon fucker for like two years so out of pure spite i’m going with vampires.

7- what saying do you wish could be a spell?

(this one’s a very specific reference so hear me out) “i’ve got to go pee on her”  used to disorient and confuse the speech of the person casted upon. it’s one of my favorite quotes from scott pilgrim vs. the world (my favorite movie ngl) when scott’s brain can’t figure out two different sentences and he just says that. it’s so good and just fuckin weird that i love it.

8- which carry on character would you go on a coffee date with if you could?

depends tbh! if we’re talking date date, then penny because i would wife penny in 0.5 seconds, but if we’re talking friends getting coffee then 10000000% baz because i’d talk activism and identities with him

9- favorite carry on quote?

“he told me we would be stars” (i don’t have my book on me so i could be getting the line wrong), but it hit so hard for me. like it’s clear how davy manipulated lucy so much that she fell into it and couldn’t crawl out. it’s such a powerful message of control from those who are charismatic enough to hold it, and how sometimes we aren’t weak enough to let go.

10- how excited are you for wayward son?

lemme paint this picture: i started hyperventilating in the hallway when i found out, and then cried an hour or two later when my friend texted me that he preordered me a signed copy. like. i’ve been pre-planning how to get home from college to come and pick it up (okok the 24th is also my dad’s birthday so i’m. um. “coming home to visit him”, of course) because i’m just SO EXCITED to read them again in a canon way :’)

[scratchybeardsweetmouth]

Delicious: Iain Glen finds himself in a LOVE triangle in gripping second series

He’s starred in Game Of Thrones and Delicious, but actor Iain Glen hasn’t forgotten his roots. (x) By AMY PACKER Full interview under the cut (it’s quite long). Topics include Delicious, Game of Thrones success, bits of his past, marriage, and family:

As one of the longest-serving (and surviving) cast members of Game Of Thrones, it must have come as something of an ego blow for Iain Glen to discover he was to be bumped off in the very first episode of his next drama, Delicious. Luckily for Iain, the writers decided they wanted to keep his character in the show from beyond the grave. And now he’s back for a second series of Delicious, which was Sky One’s highest rating original drama of last year. Iain plays Leo, a celebrity chef who has an affair with his ex-wife, played by Dawn French, behind the back of his second wife (Emilia Fox). [spoiler alert for season 1] A heart attack swiftly kills him in episode one, but Leo remains as a narrator, finally stepping back on screen in the last episode. “My daughter had attempted suicide and came into ‘God’s waiting room’, where she had this imagined conversation with me,” says Iain, 56. “The writers took that and have continued it into the new season. It feels like a quite unique conceit.” Iain certainly isn’t used to being killed off so quickly. He has played Ser Jorah Mormont in Game Of Thrones for seven seasons without succumbing to deadly disease or bloodthirsty battle. He says both shows have been great fun to film, so it wasn’t a difficult decision to rejoin the cast of Delicious for a second spin. “It was hugely enjoyable filming in Cornwall and I’m very fond of Dawn and Emilia. It’s a lovely sensation as an actor to return to something that has gone down well, and to meet up with people and have that shared experience. I feel it on Thrones very acutely, but I definitely felt it on this, too.” The food required for filming made life on set particularly enjoyable. “There’s lots of nibbling going on at Delicious as they give us fantastic dishes to work with,” he says, although playing a chef hasn’t improved his skills in the kitchen. “I’m a foodie in the sense that I love food and can eat enormous amounts of it and get away with it – much to the irritation of my wife. But I’m really moronic when it comes to creating meals. I don’t trust myself or have any instinct for it, so I laboriously follow a recipe to within an inch of its life and get very nervous about it,” he says. “If I were asked to do one of those celebrity cooking shows it would be a clear, resounding no.” It’s unlikely Iain will need to do any reality TV any time soon, though, having been on the receiving end of the ever-escalating salaries enjoyed by the Thrones cast. The main stars are reportedly on up to seven figures per episode in the final season, though Iain would never be so vulgar as to entertain a conversation about pay packets. “For me, success has never been about visibility or a recognition but the ability to have done enough to choose the parts you take,” he says. “When I get into my sixties and seventies, it would be nice not to need to work – I know too many actors for whom life is very hard.” So what was the secret to avoiding being brutally wiped out? “I’ve been sucking up to the writers when I’ve met them,” he jokes. “Those of us who have survived – and Ser Jorah has teetered close to demise for quite a few seasons – do feel very lucky to have staggered to the final act.” It probably helps that Iain hasn’t annoyed anyone by giving away any big plot twists over the years. “I haven’t ever let anything slip,” he says. “It’s quite fun because people ask so much that you start toying with them and then play along as if you’ve given something away, but deep down people don’t really want to know. They ask but it would just spoil it for them.” Iain grew up in Edinburgh but didn’t discover acting until he was at the University Of Aberdeen, quickly dropping out to study at RADA – thankfully with the support of his mother and father. “They’ve enjoyed a lot of theatre, TV and films I’ve made over the years,” he says. His career has included stints with the RSC, starring alongside Nicole Kidman in The Blue Room in London’s West End, plus roles in Downton Abbey, Ripper Street and the Resident Evil trilogy. “My parents are still in Scotland, though they’re more fragile and less mobile than they were, so we tend to go to them more often than we did 10 years ago,” he says. “I love returning to Edinburgh as it’s a great, quality life up there and I’m bombarded with memories from childhood.” He even wonders if growing up north of the border may have given his career a boost. “I feel fortunate in that I’m not associated with a particular class, which is massive in the UK,” he says. “I’ve portrayed a range of good souls and bad souls and feel lucky not to be perceived too strongly as one or another. I don’t know if that’s to do with being a Scot working down here, although I don’t have a very pronounced accent. People love to pigeonhole actors in the UK, so it’s good I’ve managed to avoid that.” Does he ever see himself moving back? “Well, I’ve married an English lady and we have built a life down here,” he says. “We’ll see, but I think it feels unlikely right now. We’re very rooted where we are.” The ‘English lady’ in question is the actress Charlotte Emmerson, who Iain married this summer after 12 years together. “I’m rather enjoying saying ‘my wife’,” he admits. “I used to use it and [Charlotte] would say, ‘I’m not your wife.’ It was just shorthand really, but she told me not to, so it’s nice that now I can and not get corrected.” The pair celebrated their nuptials with an intimate meal in a Georgian house near their home in London’s Dulwich Village. “It was just as we wanted it, with only our immediate family, about 30 of us. The courses just kept coming and it was the most perfect realisation of what we hoped it would be.Then we took stock, waited a month or two and threw a big party for about 200 friends. It made sense to us to separate the two. Sometimes, when you put it all together it can be overwhelming and you lose the personal, small-scale intimacy of a marriage the way you want it, but you don’t want to not share it with friends. It worked well and we managed to pick two of the hottest days of last summer.” The couple already have two children together, Mary, 10, and Juliet, four. Iain also has a son, Finlay, 22, from a previous marriage. The three still find their father being recognised in the street “kind of odd”. “My 10 year old rather loved it when people asked for selfies, although she has started to become a little blasé. My littlest one doesn’t quite understand yet, while my eldest has ignored me as an actor in quite a healthy way and rarely watches stuff I’m in.” It might make more sense once his girls are old enough to watch his most famous roles. “I did a voiceover for [Nick Jr cartoon series] Nella The Princess Knight, providing the voice of Santa, and a few years ago I did Kidnapped, the Robert Louis Stevenson novel, when Finlay was the right age to watch that. It’s nice when you can do stuff they are able to enjoy.” They’ll certainly have quite the back catalogue to catch up on when they reach their late teens.

[blogger360ncislarules]

The CW's sci-fi adventure series, Pandora, might've slipped under your radar when its first season premiered in the summer of 2019.

Since then, its high-octane exploits, ambitious story elements, and drop-dead gorgeous cast have attracted an enthusiastic following among viewers looking for entertaining escapism.

With the Season One finale ending with almost as many questions as answers, Season Two, premiering on October 4, promises even more of its trademark complex relationship shenanigans while the team tries to save the universe. No biggie.

Joining Jax, the titular "Pandora", and her established Scooby gang members, Xander and Ralen, are her new roommate Zazie and a surprise (and not exactly welcome) blast from the past, Jett.

Actors Nicole Castillo-Mavromatis and Akshay Kumar spoke with TV Fanatic via Zoom from their on-location shoot in Sofia, Bulgaria and were incredibly open and enthusiastic about their experiences as the newcomers to the cast.

Making a scripted television program during the time of COVID is a wholly new experience for everyone.

Production on Season Two began in Bulgaria on July 24, 2020. Nicole and Akshay flew out from the UK around that date and had to quarantine for four days before being tested and allowed on set.

Throughout the production, everyone who wasn't on camera was masked and anyone new joining them from the UK or US had to quarantine upon arrival. COVID testing was done twice a week.

At the time of our interview, they only had four days of shooting left on the season.

Shooting ten episodes in two months is, in Akshay's words, "MADNESS" and made for a tight-knit core cast and crew who worked extremely hard, grateful for the opportunity to continue to do their jobs.

"Knowing that we're lucky enough to work in a time like this," observed Akshay,"To be able to work abroad and be treated so well and do our jobs in a time when most people we know don't have any work. It really has hyped up the gratitude of working and the joy of working."

As the newest regulars to the show, Nicole and Akshay felt extremely included and appreciated by the cast members returning from Season One.

Asked if Quintana, Dench, or Radcliffe have taken on a leadership role on set, they both felt that all three stars had contributed to the positive morale and energy of the show.

"They've been incredibly welcoming," Akshay asserted,"And not just to us, as series regulars, but to any guest stars we've had for an episode. They've been incredibly welcoming and you just make friends. Every new episode, you make a new friend. Priscilla, Ben, Olly, they're just very much steering that Good Vibes Only sort of feeling."

Nicole agreed. "The Good Vibes Fam. But not only just them. I think everyone from Season One -- Noah (Huntley) and Vikash (Bhai) -- just everyone who came back from Season One has been super welcoming to all of the NOOBS -- me! It feels so much like a family, it's crazy how much I feel we all get along. It's wonderful."

Speaking about their characters, Nicole and Akshay were both excited for audiences to learn about Zazie and Jett who start out the season as a new-ish romantic duo.

In a small-world twist, the actors discovered when they met and started working together in Bulgaria that they actually lived only twenty-five minutes away from each other in East London.

Nicole came into the Pandora-verse initially a total novice. After booking the role for Season 2, she went back an binged the first season for research. As Pandora Season 1 didn't even air in the UK until lockdown began this year, she really hit the ground running.

Zazie, being completely new to the show, is a wild card. She takes the place (literally, since she's Jax's roommate) of Delaney Pilar who decided at the end of Season One to hang out with Atria Nine on Adar rather than return to the Fleet Academy.

Asked how Zazie contrasts with Delaney who came from an extremely privileged background and had been implanted with a huge amount of tech, allowing her brain to access and hack -- and, unfortunately, made her vulnerable to being hacked by -- the datastream, Nicole was affectionate about her character's personality.

"I would say she is just a really bubbly, cool, fun 'chick'! She just wants to be liked. She wants some friends. She is a bit of a bookworm but she's not super smart so she does have to study, I feel, a bit more than everyone else."

But what's her superpower? Nicole was cagily vague about what's in store for Zazie.

"There are some twists and turns in her storyline. There will be some things that you find out. But, all in all, she's very wholesome, I would say."

On the initial similarity between Zazie and last season's character, Atria Nine, in that they both exude an aura of sunshiney optimism, Nicole could see how the characters compare that way but felt that Zazie brings a bit more spunk to the party.

"And there's more spunk to come," Akshay promised. "An abundance of spunk."

While Zazie begins the season based in the Academy, enmeshed in the day-to-day interactions between characters, she does get roped into the space adventures too.

"As the season goes on, she takes a much more active role in that saving the universe plotline."

Akshay, in contrast, had a bit more experience with life at the Earth Command Fleet Academy, having guest starred on an episode in Season 1 before being tapped to return as a series regular this season.

Jett was not one of the good guys when he appeared on Pandora Season 1 Episode 6.

After Delaney's implants were hacked while she slept, resulting in her walking into the packed Academy lounge completely naked, Jett made it his business to post holo-nudes of her all over the datastream as retaliation for a romantic rejection.

As he became a lead suspect in the hacker investigation, it was revealed that his reputation as a tech-head was a sham.

When Jett makes his entrance on the Season 2 premiere, he is met with understandable hostility from Jax and Ralen.

Despite his contrite apology and promise to do better, his behaviour throughout the episode doesn't do a whole lot to redeem the character.

(Total disclosure: I might've described the character as a total ass off the top of the interview.)

"He thinks he's doing great," Akshay revealed,"but he's really not. He's just digging his own grave."

While it's clearly going to be a steep uphill climb for the character to prove himself trustworthy, Akshay explained his approach.

"When Mark Altman, our showrunner, wanted me back, I thought that the only way that Jett could come back was on a sort of path to redemption but he couldn't come back as this sort of born-again saint. I thought he would try to redeem himself in the only way he knows how.

"For me, it would be kind of weird if he came back as like a brand-new character with a brand new set of ethics. His foundational personality traits -- his flirtiness, ["cheeky, charming behavior" interjected Nicole] -- which can be read as very douchy, I totally agree."

Akshay paused to think on it for moment and added,"That's probably more me than Jett, to be honest."

LOL.

"He is still on this path to redemption and he does get better at redeeming himself, I will say that. He doesn't start very well but he's trying.

"You know, in school, when you try so hard to get someone to like you and you end up just shooting yourself in the foot? That's very much Jett for the first few episodes.

"He grows. He becomes a bit more balanced. He doesn't lose his humor or his cheek which is really nice. We just get to know more about him and why he is the way he is.'

Looking at Season 2 as a long arc, Nicole and Akshay see the show finding its footing as more of a cohesive space adventure.

"I think this season leans more into the sci-fi side of it, the adventure, the high stakes, the heavy action," Nicole confirmed, then qualified it a bit. "But, again, there are romantic scenes and romantic storylines but I definitely feel like they've leaned a lot more into the action of it."

"The action and the bigger threat," Akshay added. "The looming threat that we learned about in Season 1. I think that's definitely much more present. That's definitely more at the forefront, especially of Jax and Xander's characters [decisions].

"What's really great is the emphasis on relationships between characters which is a huge plus. The constant evolution between characters such as Ralen and Jett and where that goes, then Xander and Jax, Zazie and Jett, Zazie and Jax.

"There's so many different webs that intertwine so much more, in a much more human fashion. Friendships are made and broken, then new, unlikely friendships are made.

"All the while, they're all working towards [confronting] the big enemy, the looming threat. So I think that's definitely much more grounded."

Nicole comes to acting from an extensive dance background and while we won't get to see Zazie trot out those skills on-screen this season, she dreams of being able to represent both her natural and nurtured background one day.

"I've always wanted to be able to play a role that kind of represents where I come from, my heritage. Maybe a role that is a Latina. That would be amazing. Just because I feel like I've never really cast in that direction.

"So it would be amazing to play someone of my heritage and 'rep' the heritage. Or as a part of a musical. That would be great."

Wrapping the two wishlist items together, I suggested something like In the Heights, which garnered an enthusiastic response as it's one of her favorite shows.

Akshay's professional credits include roles on films like Star Wars: Episode VIII - The Last Jedi and regular roles on TV series, The Halcyon and Devs. His heart lies with the action-oriented, stunt-heavy roles.

"I love stunt sequences and I wish I had more of that on this show. I get a real kick out of any sort of role that allows me to just feel like a kid again. And for me, the select sequences I have on this show just blow my mind. The amount of fun I have."

Recalling he had recently watched John Wick 3: Parabellum, he expressed his desire to be Keanu Reeves in that role.

"Anything that's teetering on the dangerous and you-may-die sort of edge. I'm a bit Tom Cruise-y like that.... yeah, I could be the British-Indian Tom Cruise. Let's go for that."

For both Nicole and Akshay, the experience of being part of the Pandora family has been nothing short of wonderful.

"It's a dream!" Nicole sang out without hesitation when I asked for their feelings about the show.

"Honestly," Akshay professed,"It's been such a great ride. Everyone here is so lovely, and everyone works so hard."

"It's been such an amazing experience," Nicole added,"I personally feel like I've learned so much being out here and everyone is just beautiful, so lovely, and the crew is wonderful. The cast is really wonderful. All the directors we've worked with. Our D.O.P., Max, and Mark and Steve. Just everyone."

Pandora Season 2 premieres TONIGHT, Sunday, October 4, at 8/7c on The CW.

[blschaos3000-blog]

Its 5:49 pm dark/snowy

Welcome to 8 Questions with…..

     You ever watch one of those big movies that take the viewer to several exotic locales? “From London to Toronto to Detroit (okay,maybe not Murder City),to Toyko,etc…..” as the film goes from place to another.    In meeting the lovely Isra Elsalihie,I felt like I was watching a real life movie. Growing up in Sweden to Iraqi parents to going to university in England to finding her voice in New York City,you need a passport and a GPS device just to keep up with Isra!  Equally as comfortable on stage as in front of a camera,Isra is also quite a talented voice over actor and of course you (well,some of you anyways) know I like a good VO actor. The more I looked at Isra,the more convinced there may be nothing that she can’t do.   I am really quite honored to have been able to slow Isra down long enough to ask her “8 Questions”. I gotta hurry,her next journey is leaving and I want to see where Isra is going next…..

Please introduce yourself and tell us what you are currently working on.

   I’m Isra Elsalihie and I am Iraqi-Swedish actor based in NYC. I’m about to shoot a new short directed by Shu Hirayama and written by Ana Ribero. Arresting God, a feature film which co-starred alongside Agam Darshi just became a part of Sundance Development Lab and will be going on to greater things I can’t mention just yet!

What was it like growing up in Sweden? What was life in your home like? Can you share some of your fondest memories growing up?

   Growing up in Sweden was interesting! I grew up with very loving and supportive family, I truly did have a great home environment, and my hometown of Gothenburg, is a beautiful place to grow up, having said that, Gothenburg was and is really segregated in terms of their communities. Something I fought against by working with many different youth groups as a teenager, such as A Shared Future.

When you did catch the acting bug? Did you attend school to get your training? What are some of your favorite experiences when you first started out?

   I caught the acting bug pretty early on! I think I must have been around 11-12? I was very inspired by the magic of theatre and film, and just knew that one way or another I needed to be a part of that world. I finished my two year acting conservatory at Lee Strasberg theatre and film institute. I’ve gone on to take classes with RSC and at other institutions such as ESPA primary stages.

When did you move to New York City? How did you adjust to the cultural change?

   I moved to NYC in the winter of 2015. I think it was one of the coldest winters in NYC in over 20 years, so that first night in NYC was interesting. I remember getting a ride with the worst cab driver I’ve ever met at JFK, and arriving at a Air bnb with no heat, 1.5 h away from school. That first night I was really questioning my choices haha! But I stuck it out and now NYC feels like home. NYC to me, is truly one of the greatest cities in the world, and I’m very lucky to have ended up here.

Can you tell us about winning a place in the 24 Hour Plays National Company? What did you have to do to win a spot? What the experience like?

   Oh wow, 24 Hour Plays Nationals was an incredible experience. The competition for a spot was pretty fierce, I remember all of us getting our acceptance letter pretty late, and we were told that was because our year, 2017, had more applicants than ever before, which was pretty crazy. I won’t bore you with the details, but involved a lot of self-tapes, essays and in person auditions. What we did with 24 Hour Plays Nationals and what I later got to do with LAByrinth, is what I want to do every day as an actor. You’re put in a room with the best and brightest of emerging theatre creatives and told you’re free to create whatever you like with your peers over the course of 24 Hours! It’s definitely one of my favorite experiences.

 What three things do you like and dislike about live theater?

    I love the fact that with live theatre you’re able to take in your audience directly, you’re truly able to have a shared experience with your audience. When I’m not on stage, I’m usually in the back listening to the audience and taking them in before entering. With live theatre you’re able to live through the entire arch of your character in chronological order, vs. TV & Film that’s usually shot out of order. I love that there are no retakes with theatre, there are no do-overs during the show, no cutting to retake that scene, so it forces you to really be present and listening to your fellow actors. I don’t know if I have any real dislikes with theatre. There are certain things that can be challenging at times, but I embrace the challenge. The challenge of theatre is that you’re doing multiple shows a week, most likely eight shows a week and even though each night is going to be different, you still have to sustain your character throughout the run and keep your character fairly consistent.

In terms of material,do you perfer acting in revivals with known works or doing a fresh original play and putting your own stamp on a new character?

   I don’t really have a strong preference, whether it’s a revival or not, I always believe you should put your own stamp on things and bring something new to the character.

Which has more challenges for you,live theater or a filmed production?

   Well, they’re both very different mediums and I enjoy them equally. Live theatre gives you the opportunity to live through a character from beginning to end without chronological jumps, and it also gives you the chance to interact with your audience directly. TV & Film, doesn’t offer that, but it does give you the opportunity to reach a larger audience, beyond the boundaries of the US.

What has been your favorite role to play to date and what has made it special?

   Maryam, in the Old Globe’s production of Noura. It was one of the best experiences I’ve had as an actor. Noura, is written by Heather Raffo, and incredible Iraqi-American playwright, who’s work I’ve admired for a very long time.    I actually did a monologue from Heather’s play 9 Parts of Desire, for my conservatory show and that’s how I first learned about her work. I met her a few months after my graduation at a reading of Noura and professed my love of her work to her, haha! She gave me her contact info and insisted we have coffee. We since stayed friends over the years, but in August I got a call from the Old Globe and Guthrie saying they wanted me to come in and audition for Maryam in Noura.    Heather had apparently given my name to all these theatres so I auditioned and I ended up booking the Old Globe which was the West coast Premiere of Noura and was directed by the amazing Johanna McKeon.

As an Swedish-Iraqi actress, have you experienced being cast in stereotypical roles and do you have an opinion on how to stop that kind of narrowminded casting?

   I have certainly been asked to audition for stereotypical roles in the past. As an actor I don’t really have power over who gets called in for a project or not, but what I can do is create my own work and be open and inclusive with the casting of that. I also believe that actors always have the power of saying no. If I’m asked to audition for a part I find stereotypical, then I decline that audition.

What do you like to do in your downtime? Do you have causes,activities or hobbies you like to do?

   I really value my time with my friends and family, so whenever I have a spare moment, I try to spending it with them. I love to explore the city, I go to a lot of museums and exhibitions and when I can and I like to paint. That’s a very new passion of mine that’s been fun to explore.

  The cheetah and I are flying over to watch you perform in your next live theater production but we are a day early and now you are playing tour guide,what are we doing?

   Oh wow! So many places to go, I love a good stroll in central park, followed by a visit to the MoMa or Met. The Highline is absolutely beautiful as well and you have the Chelsea market right underneath it, where you can get a wonderful dinner or lunch. If you’re looking for an evening activity I’d visit the older cinemas in NYC, like Angelica film center or Metrograph.

I like to thank Isra for sharing her story with us. The cheetah and I are definitely going to be asking to look at “The Invaders” which looks very good.  I am sure Isra is going to leave her positive mark on this planet as joyfully as she can.    There are many ways to keep up with this very on-the-move young artist and we as always,are happy to share them with you all.

First you can find and follow Isra on her InstaGram page Next you can see which projects Isra has upcoming at her IMDb page. Isra also has her own personal website which you can find here.

If you have missed any of the over 80 “8 Questions with…..” interviews we have done,you can catch up by clicking here.

Thank you for all of your support and readership! Please drop a comment or two as well!

8 Questions with……..actress Isra Elsalihie Its 5:49 pm dark/snowy Welcome to 8 Questions with.....      You ever watch one of those big movies that take the viewer to several exotic locales?

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Meghan Markle and Prince Harry's Wedding Celebrity Guest List

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's wedding is fast approaching, with the date set on May 19. And now that Markle has allegedly had her bridal shower, it's time to focus on one of the most important aspects of the royal wedding—the guest list.

Prince Harry and Markle are scheduled to have two wedding receptions following the ceremony at St. George's Chapel at Windsor Castle. While the first ceremony will take place during the day, Prince Charles is said to be hosting a private celebration in the evening, and Mel B has already stoked rumors that the Spice Girls will be performing at the royal wedding.

Unfortunately the Obamas were confirmed to not be on the guest list—along with other political leaders like Donald Trump and Theresa May—but here are just some of the other famous faces rumored to be invited to Prince Harry and Meghan Markle's big day.

Serena Williams Williams and Markle apparently hit it off when they met in 2014 at a celebrity charity football event, according to the Daily Mail. The two have been close friends for several years, and it's been widely speculated that the tennis legend will be getting an invite.

Originally, Williams was slated to play matches in Madrid and Rome at the Madrid and Italian Opens during the time of the royal wedding, but she recently withdrew from the tournaments, following the advice of her coach, Patrick Mouratoglu, Page Six reports.

Markle wrote about becoming friends with Williams for her now-defunct blog The Tig, and said, "She quickly became a confidante I would text when I was traveling, the friend I would rally around for her tennis matches, and the down-to-earth chick I was able to grab lunch with a couple of weeks ago in Toronto."

Originally Williams wasn't sure if her plans to compete would interfere with her attendance at Meghan and Harry's wedding. "We'll see if I can make it," Williams said during a Good Morning America interview, according to ABC producer Carolyn Durand. According to Reuters, when Williams arrived to train with him in France in late April, she wasn't quite ready; as a result, she withdrew from playing in Spain and Italy.

The champion took a 14-month absence for maternity leave after the birth of her daughter, Alexis Olympia, and Mouratoglu noted that she was not yet in the shape she needed to be to play her best. "Serena had to rebuild her body. When she arrived at the Mouratoglou Tennis Academy, around April 30, we realized that she was not ready yet," Reuters reported. Said her coach, "The time she lost after the delivery, with all the medical issues she had to go through, was missing.”

While we're sure Serena is disappointed that she'll have to wait for the French Open to compete (the tournament begins right after the royal wedding, on the 21st of May), she's likely also elated that she'll get to be at Windsor Castle to celebrate with Meghan and Harry. Given the recent opening in her schedule, expect to see the athlete, newlywed and new mom in the pews.

Alyssia and Catherine Cooper Valmont

The Vogue Fashion Editors and activist arrived in London today .Cooper 's ties to the Royal Family may seem scarce, the Namibian government had asked Angelina on behalf of the Queen to participate in the QCC, or the Queen's Conservation Canopy, aimed at educating and funding the need for global forest conservation. Jolie and her six children visited Namibia recently (where Harry and Meghan will honeymoon in a few weeks) in collaboration with the QCC, and Jolie was granted the title of honorary dame by the Queen for her human rights work in October 2017.

While she could just be in London for work or leisure, odds are Jolie made it on to the Queen's short list for the royal wedding, given her connection to the philanthropic efforts Harry, Meghan and Queen Elizabeth II are so passionate about.

The Bradshaws A source recently confirmed to People that the Bradshaws will be attending the royal wedding ceremony and the evening's Frogmore House reception, due to Bradshaw boys and Harry's close friendship over the years. The source shared that they apparently hit it off when they past in the years at a celebrity philantropic sailing race with his royal highnesses prince William and prince Felipe De Borbone. Conveniently, Bradshaw's English countryside home resides just a thirty minutes drive from Windsor. ( Thōmas, Kyle, Landon, Bruce G.)

Misha Nonoo

According to the Daily Mail, fashion designer Misha Nonoo is Markle's close friend. The designer was credited early on with potentially being the matchmaker that introduced Harry to Meghan, although reports surfaced that Violet von Westenholz—a PR director for Ralph Lauren, who likely will also be at the wedding–was responsible for their set-up.

Nonoo's ex-husband reportedly attended Eton College with Prince Harry and Prince William, so she'll definitely be on the guest list.

The cast of Suits An insider confirmed to Hello! that the "cast and key executives" of the hit legal drama are on the guest list. "The cast has been contacted in regards to invites from Kensington Palace," the source said. Abigail Spencer is one of the co-stars rumored to attend.

Markle's onscreen love interest on the show, Patrick J. Adams, posted the sweetest tribute to his former co-star on Instagram. He wrote, "Playing Meghan’s television partner for the better part of a decade uniquely qualifies me to say this: Your Royal Highness, you are a lucky man and I know your long life together will be joyful, productive and hilarious."

After seven seasons of Suits, it seems likely that Markle is still in touch with her co-stars, and that many of them will be invited to the royal wedding. But, Us Weekly recently reported that they will not be invited to the intimate, 200-person evening reception hosted by Prince Charles.

The staff at Windsor Chapel was reportedly ordered to watch the show to become familiar with Harry and Meghan's wedding guests. "I’ve told the Stewards to get Netflix and watch Suits, so they know who everyone is at the wedding," Hugo Vickers, the Captain of the Lay Stewards at the chapel, told the Daily Mail.

Sir Elton John

It has already been reported that Elton John has cancelled two concerts because the dates clash with the royal wedding. While the singer's official statement calls it a "scheduling conflict," it seems highly likely that the singer canceled his May 18 and 19 world tour dates because he got a better offer.

Elton John was a good friend of Prince Harry's mother, Princess Diana, and famously sang his song "Candle in the Wind" at her funeral in 1997. Yesterday, it was confirmed that Sir Elton John will indeed perform at the couple's wedding. And, like the Clooney's, his house conveniently sits a stone's throw from Windsor Castle.

Priyanka Chopra

Quantico star Priyanka Chopra and Markle met at ELLE's Women in Television dinner in 2016. Chopra famously corrected Wendy Williams for describing Markle as "Prince Harry's girlfriend." She fiercely replied, "Meghan Markle, actress. Suits. Her achievements... just saying."

Chopra recently confirmed to Us Weekly that's attending the nuptials. Now, she's considering what dress she'll wear day-of. “I sort of may have an idea, but no, I haven’t picked one out yet," she told the site.

Nacho Figueras

In addition to the other celebrities and VIP's in attendance, the famous Argentinian polo player made the cut for the royal wedding guest list, CBS News reports.

This morning, Figueras told Good Morning America that he could not be happier for his dear friend, Prince Harry. Said the athlete, who has a loving marriage and four children of his own, "He's going to be an amazing husband, he hopefully will be a great father. I can't wait for him to go into this stage of his life... I'm so happy that he has found Meghan."

Sarah Ferguson, Duchess of York and his cousin Gabriel York

She's said to have a terrible relationship with her ex-father-in-law, Prince Philip (she was married to Prince Andrew for 10 years), but as she is Princess Beatrice and Princess Eugenie's mom, it was expected that she would get an invite. Recently, reports surfaced that while she was invited to the ceremony and general reception, she was snubbed from the evening's affairs. Expect to see the Duchess sitting with her children, Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie of York, during the ceremony–but Fergie was reportedly freaking out over not receiving an invitation to the dinner at Frogmore House, hosted by Prince Charles.

Millie Mackintosh

Markle has allegedly been friends with British reality TV star Millie Mackintosh since 2016. As Mackintosh has royal connections—her co-star on Made in Chelsea, Spencer Matthews, is now Pippa Middleton's brother-in-law—it's unsurprising that she's now friends with Markle. It's likely that Mackintosh will be in attendance.

The Spice Girls While on chat show The Real, when asked whether she'd received an invitation to the royal wedding, Mel B said, "Well, it was [the] five Spice Girls. Why am I so honest?" When pressed for details, she revealed, "Yes... It was proper. I’m not saying anymore! I’ve said enough... I need to go. I’m gonna be fired!" However, Mel C responded to the news, saying her fellow bandmate probably wasn't serious. "I think [Mel B] was joking. I think the media ran with it a little bit," she told E! News. Recently, it was reported that contrary to previous announcements, the Spice Girls "were never going to perform" at the royal wedding, an insider told Page Six. However, a few members of the girl group are expected to attend the big event: Victoria Beckham, Geri Halliwell, and Emma Bunton. According to the insider, Mel B and Mel C aren't on the guest list. 2,640 members of the public Harry and Meghan haven't forgotten about us normals for their big day. They're also inviting 1,200 members of the public "from every corner of the United Kingdom" (who will be nominated by nine regional Lord Lieutenant offices), 200 people from charities they're associated with, 100 students from local schools with close ties to Windsor Castle (The Royal School in Great Park and St. George's School), 610 Windsor residents and members of St. George's Chapel, and 530 members of the Royal Households and Crown Estate.

Daniella Timperley Who is Daniella Timperley? She's a high school student from Ireland lucky enough to score an invite to the royal wedding. CBS News reports that Timperley's grammar school announced on Twitter that she received an invitation as an ode of gratitude from the couple for her extraordinary charity work. Timperley was invited to sit in St. George's Chapel for the ceremony, and attend the luncheon hosted by the Queen at St. George's Hall.

Treviṣ L. Grey

Prince Harry reportedly invited guests from Malawi, with whom he worked on a conservation project, along with Prince Seeiso of Lesotho, who co-founded Sentebale with Prince Harry, a charity focused on providing aid to children diagnosed with HIV.

The survivors of the Grenfell fire Last June, a public housing fire at Grenfell Tower in west London killed at least 80 people. In support of those who survived the horrific tragedy, Harry and Meghan have invited the survivors of the fire to be with them in St. George's Chapel as they exchange their vows.

[identybeautynet]

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals

Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals Courtesy Burberry “Read my lips, I need a big dick boy. Ain’t nobody slanging it right,” the musician Shygirl raps on the opening lines of her new song “BDE,” featuring Slowthai. It’s a bold claim, and one that speaks to the East London native’s life mantra: freedom is everything. “If someone said to you, you can do whatever you want in this room, you’d do something that you wouldn’t usually do,” Shygirl says over Zoom, where she’s speaking from her home in South London. “It’s about being able to run away with some aspects of yourself, less about being something different, but in each of these spaces, you’re allowed a bit more room to breathe.” The artist, who makes bass-heavy, club-ready tracks that straddle electro, pop, and hip-hop, is known for fashion and beauty looks that match her out-there, over-the-top music. Her deepest fantasies and whimsies make both the aesthetic and the music—and fashion brands like Burberry have taken note. (The brand’s creative director Riccardo Tisci cast Shygirl in his latest Burberry Beauty campaign after stumbling across one of her music videos on Instagram.) We caught up with Shygirl a few days before the release of “BDE” to discuss her proclivity toward skincare, her grandmother’s beauty tips, and why eating an opulent meal is the ultimate form of luxury. How did you come to make your latest single “BDE” with Slowthai? I wrote this single ages ago with Karma Kid. We were in the studio and I’d actually been up the night before at some warehouse party. I was definitely really hungover—I think I was probably still drunk when I got to the studio, so I was still kind of in that party mood. The words came really quickly as I was recording, which isn’t always the case. Sometimes I think of a hook and then we flesh it out later, or there’s a funny turn of phrase I’m playing with, and I start like that. But this one was based on a frustrating encounter I’d had with someone. And I was like, I’m just going to get this out in a song. I really wanted to work with a male vocalist and I’ve loved Slowthai’s energy for ages. I’m objectifying men so much in that song, I thought it would be nice to hand the mic over and and be like, Okay, I’ve said this—what do you have to say for yourself? Ty’s the person for that platform, because he doesn’t talk about sex that much on his tracks. So it was nice to have that Shygirl effect. We met up in the studio, hung out, and I was like, okay, the theme is sex—spin it, and be as crass and vulgar as possible because that’s the way I've set the stage. Shygirl wears Burberry Beauty in her video for “BDE.” I love the fantasy of the Tasty video. What was on your mood board for it, specifically when it came to the beauty looks? Growing up, my mom was really into ‘80s music. And I loved that ‘80s look: heavy blush on the face, and how expressive that is, especially when looking at the queer community being represented in music. There’s something about that that which speaks to freedom and playfulness, and there’s a massive synergy with where I’m coming from, which is take me serious in this space, but also not that serious. There’s also something exciting about not being within the confines of my facial features, and pushing those boundaries. That’s why I bleached my eyebrows and change the space that we’re able to use with all the makeup we do. I sent a lot of references over, but I’m really drawn to color palettes; I have phases of different colors that make me feel comfortable and happy. I’ve been lucky to work with some really great makeup artists who take my garbled references and moods that I tell them and make it look sexy. Because there’s something sexy about not staying within the lines. Onto the Beauty Notes questions. When you wake up in the morning, what’s the first thing you do, beauty wise? First thing I do is wash my face, ‘cause I’m probably still wearing mascara from the night before. I use the Garnier Micellar water as a cleanser, and I bought because it’s pink. Then, I put on the Aliver 24K Gold Collagen Eye Mask eye patches. I bought a pack of, like, 100. They make me feel like a modern-day American Psycho. Then I use the Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion, because there’s something watery about their products, they just feel light on your skin. And my skin’s really sensitive, so I don't usually wear much. I have a rose quartz roller that I use after I���ve moisturized, which I find so relaxing. I’ve also got to mention that, when I wash my face, I wash it with warm and then cold water. Clinique Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion $30 See On Sephora What does that do? Something about opening up your pores with the warm water and then tightening them with cold water. My grandma told me that when I was younger—my dad’s mum gave me this obsession with clear skin from a young age. We’ve kind of got it naturally and she takes really good care of it, as does my dad. Usually, people pick up beauty tips from their mum, but my mum was a bit more tomboy-ish. What’s a piece of skincare advice that you received from your grandmother that changed your perspective on beauty? My grandmother comes up with a lot of un-PC phrases. One of the un-PC things she used to say was, never trust a man with bad skin. I remember when I’d tell her about boys I fancied and she’d be like, oh no, his skin’s terrible. Also, she uses oils on her body, but not on her face. She’s big on oils. I have naturally curly hair, so I went through such a period of using loads of different greasy hair products, and she told me that all affects your skin. Whenever I FaceTime my nan and my dad, that’s the first thing they ask: are you eating right? I can see on your skin, you’re not getting enough of this or that. What’s the one product that you can’t live without? The Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream. It’s literally the best money I’ve ever spent on a beauty product. It just does what it says, and I don’t feel like I need to use it that religiously, but I need to know that I have it, especially when I’m traveling a lot. And even in lockdown, I’ve had a lot of travel for work. The air dries out my skin, and sometimes I need it before I wake up, just to start the day fresh. Charlotte Tilbury Magic Night Cream $145 See On Sephora What’s your favorite product at this very moment? I only really wear mascara for eye makeup every day, and at the moment I’ve been wearing this really good mascara that Burberry makes. I like a spiky, wider mascara, ‘cause if that’s the only thing I’m wearing, I’m going to make sure it’s visible. I’m not too neat with it—I like a slightly messy mascara look because there are hints there, where you’re telling people who you are. I want to be expressive. Ultimate Lift Mascara $30 Burberry See On Burberry What’s the best makeup or skincare tip you’ve picked up on set? Exfoliating my lips. That’s something I didn’t do enough of; sometimes when I’m on set, we use wipes with a somewhat rougher texture before we put anything on my lips.   What’s your ideal spa day and where? I found this place recently called Beaverbrook in Surrey, just outside of London. In December, I just needed to get out of my house, I needed a spa break, I needed a massage, I needed to be in a hotel, I just needed something. It’s kind of a big deal spa, which I didn’t know, but I got a room after someone else’s cancellation. It was really nice—it’s in the countryside and it was raining the whole weekend, so I felt like I was in Wuthering Heights. I looked out onto the fields watching the rain, and just felt so British. Is going to the spa your favorite form of self-care? I take more care of my mind than my body—what’s sometimes good for the soul isn’t always good for your body. I’m self-indulgent, and the biggest thing that feeds me is doing something spontaneously. The idea that I can just pick up and do something that I want to do is what gratifies me the most. That could be taking the day, canceling a bunch of meetings to remind myself that I’m in control of my life. More times, it’s going out to a restaurant and eating something obscene. You know in Parks and Recreation when they’re like, “Treat yourself”? That’s my life. I really love a beautiful meal, and there’s something so opulent about being waited on in some form and having someone else make your food. We only include products that have been independently selected by W's editorial team. However, we may receive a portion of sales if you purchase a product through a link in this article. beauty tips: Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals, Shygirl Talks ‘BDE’ With Slowthai, Skincare, and Opulent Meals,  Read the full article