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shutupandshipit · 4 years ago

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Sharpen Your Blades - Ch.11

Summary: “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”

The thinning of Aizawa’s patience was evident in the twitching of his brow. “If you stop asking questions, maybe I could finish explaining.

”With a huff and roll of his eyes, Katsuki glanced away from their coach.

“City Hall and the SC want us to give them more variety. We are a team solely made up of single skaters. Every year, we dominate the rankings for single skate while Shinketsu dominates the pairs, so this year both cities are being required to split their skaters evenly between singles and pairs with at least one pair coming from out top five.” There was a collective intake of breath, but no one commented, choosing instead to remain silent. “Unfortunately, for us, it’s a lot easier to switch from pairs to singles. With our male to female ratio, alpha/beta/omega ratio, and those of you actually experienced with pair skating, we’re at a disadvantage. So, I’ve decided to choose your partners for you.”

…..

Or where Katsuki and Izuku are forced to be partners so they can continue to compete, but the blood in the water may be thicker than anyone realized.

Pairing: Bakudeku

Rating: T

Chapter: 11/20

Previously <- Chapter 10: Alpha Wanted

Chapter 12: Parents and questions they shouldn’t ask -> Next

Author’s Notes: So, there's songs in this chapter! Yay! They are Never Enough by Loren Allred and Tightrope by Michelle Williams (don't @ me about them being from the Greatest Showman, I know it's trending, these songs just fit them so well). You'll notice that there are also two links, and those are to figure skating videos that are the closest to how I imagine the programs to be. If you mute the video and play the song over it, they match up pretty well. I had a really easy time finding one I liked for Izuku, but a much harder time finding an example for Katsuki. I really like Yuna Kim as a model for Izuku and Yuzuru Hanyu as a model for Katsuki, but Yuzuru's style just didn't fit what I was trying to portray in this chapter. That's okay though! Of course, I don't own the videos. They belong to their original posters and creators. Let me know if the links don't work, and I'll find a different way to share them. I hope you guys like the chapter. I had a really fun time writing it, and I can't wait to post for next week!

Chapter 11: Solo

Izuku stepped onto the ice for the first time since his injury. Terror washed through him. His heart raced in his chest. His hands shook violently. His breath quickened. He clutched at the wall to keep himself steady. A fear weighed heavy on him, fear that as soon as he let go his hip or ankle or knee would simply give out. That the break that had healed months ago would suddenly shatter apart again.

Just because he knew it was an irrational fear didn't mean he knew how to fight against it.

“Just take it slow, young Midoriya, there's no need to rush. You've been doing strength training for a few months now, but being back on the ice is a different kind of taxing,” Toshinori said close by, hands stacked on his hips while he watched Izuku all but cowering against the wall.

“I'm not getting tired. Nothing hurts yet, I'm just...” He trailed off, unwilling to admit his fear.

“Scared? I understand. That's a normal reaction after an injury as severe as yours was. I was scared too the first time I got back on the ice after my injury, but it will get easier. Like I said, take it slow. Soon enough, you'll be sprinting and jumping just like you used to, but we've got to start small first.”

“Right,” Izuku whispered, squeezing his eyes closed. They remained there for long moments, and it was only when the scent of sweet spices assaulted his nose that he was able to open his eyes again.

He found Katsuki's familiar red eyes watching him. Katsuki who's hair was pushed away from his forehead with sweat and seemed to be in the middle of a training exercise with Mr. Aizawa. Katsuki who's scent of excitement was beginning to make the rink smell startlingly like snickerdoodles.

Izuku had forgotten what Katsuki's scent smelled like when he was excited, and it made his mouth water.

Embarrassed, he ripped his eyes away. Once upon a time, he had been the reason for that smell. He was desperately jealous of whoever or whatever had provoked such a reaction in his old friend. Whatever it was though, it had nothing to do with a useless deku like him. Maybe one day very far away, he could be the reason again, but he had a long way and a lot of work before then.

Swallowing, he struggled to stand up straight and push carefully along the wall. With each step and each second of feeling Katsuki's eye on him, he felt his confidence slowly inflate.

.....

November Week 2

Izuku stared down at his phone, mouth turned down in a frown as he waited impatiently for Katsuki to respond, but the little icon telling him that his partner had even seen the message remained blank. It was strange to say the least. Katsuki was the most punctual creature he knew and had ever known. The only time he'd ever skipped class or been late for something were times when his rut had hit suddenly or he'd been uncharacteristically sick. To put it simply, Izuku could count on one hand how many times Katsuki had missed something.

He was only holding up three fingers.

"Let's just go, Deku, I don't think he's going to come tonight," Uraraka suggested, still sitting in the same place on the bleachers that she'd been sitting since she and Kaminari had followed him from his apartment. Team practice had been early that morning instead of later, and the pair of omegas had made the unanimous decision to have an omegas' day. So far, they'd had lunch where the pair had pointed out every marginally attractive alpha to cross their paths, gotten mani-pedis, gone window shopping for potential Christmas presents, looked at venues for the team Christmas party, and gone into a sex store specifically catoring to omegas with a wide range of heat aids. Kaminari had been adamant about going in when they passed by, and after more than a little prodding from both of his friends, Izuku had agreed.

Now, a black bag was tucked away in his gym bag with an item that made him both hot around the collar and simultaneously hot between the legs. The item excited him, but he was loathe to admit that to either of them. He'd only ever had a few encounters of the sexual nature, and those hadn't been very good. Other than that, he really didn't think much about his pleasure. He didn't even really masturbate which had seemed to send the omegas into a frenzy. There had been so many noises of astonishment and disbelief from both Kaminari and Uraraka that he'd hid in the lingerie racks for the better part of a half hour until they'd coaxed him out with the promise of ice cream and figure skater themed lingerie sets.

He hadn't thought his lack of sexual appetite was all that strange. He'd been on suppressants for years. Katsuki had been the focus of all his attention since they'd been kids. He'd always just been more focused on figure skating. He wasn't the only one in the world who felt the same. The asexual spectrum existed for a reason, and he was a staunch believer that he was of that spectrum.

Uraraka and Kaminari had followed him back to the rink, fully intending to drag him away after for a sleepover and movie night.

"Yeah, man, let's just go. What's the point of waiting around any longer? We're just wasting time at this point," Kaminari piped up, head hanging back between his shoulders as he leaned against the wall. "This is just typical Bakugou. He doesn't really consider other people's feelings, you know?"

The comment set Izuku's teeth on edge, and with effort, he unclenched his jaw.

Izuku wasn't particularly annoyed. He loved his friends and loved the sense of community that being with the other omegas gave him, but he wished they would just stop talking. He tried very hard to remind himself that no one had known Katsuki as long as he had, and for a good portion of the time they had known him, Katsuki had hiding behind a mask.

Releasing a quiet sigh, Izuku smiled and said, "He'll be here. He just must have gotten tied up with something with his class. He'll be here."

Uraraka smiled, but he could tell that she wanted to sigh. Maybe she even wanted to roll her eyes. "Will you skate for us while we wait then? If he doesn't get here in time, at least you'll have had a chance to practice. You don't have to skate your program, but maybe something else?"

For a moment, Izuku just considered her idea. He smiled. "Sure. That sounds good." Connecting his phone to the speaker that Toshinori left in the rink for them to use on their off time, Izuku quickly found the song he wanted.

.....

"Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck!" Katsuki hissed as he tore across the street, flipping off a car as they slammed on their brakes and subsequently on their horn. He couldn't stop though. He was fucking late. Really, really fucking late! He hated being late, always had and always would. Being late for his nightly practice with Izuku just pissed him off all the more. The worst part of it all was that his phone had died sometime during the day so he didn't even have a way of letting his partner know that he'd be late.

The situation had been unavoidable though, and Katsuki swallowed passed the thick lump in his throat.

Two of his students had gotten hurt, and memory of the blood splattered ice made bile rise in the back of his throat. He had turned his back for a single second to correct the form of the new five-year-old he'd taken on. Just a moment had been all they needed. Two of his students had tried the same lift Katsuki had tried with Mina off ice, and just like her, their foot had slipped. The blade had sliced deep into their would be partner's thigh and started gushing blood before either of them had really realized what had happened. There had been an ambulance and paperwork and worried parents and Katsuki trying to keep his head on straight in the mayhem. Now, the adrenaline was wearing off, and he could feel himself crashing. Crashing hard.

There was only blood and ice and screaming and green curls and pain twisting Izuku's face and pain twisting Katsuki's chest. He was having a hard time separating the two memories, and while he knew that was dangerous, he didn't know how to stop it.

So, he ran. Ran to catch Izuku before he left the rink, and ran to stave off the no doubt mount panic attack.

Out of the corner of his eye as he passed a store front, he caught the flash of forest green fabric. Screeching to a stop, he backtracked to the window. Someone had dressed mannequins in winter wear. It was clear that each had a theme and that each set of clothing had been handmade. One wore all pink. One wore woodland colors with a bright orange fox-eared beanie. Another was dressed from head to toe in sparkly purple fabric. The one that had caught his attention was the most subdued with the beanie as the only spot of color.

The beanie was forest green like the gloves he'd bought for Izuku. Floppy white lined bunny ears lay across the mannequin’s forehead with little tassels that hung on either side of the mannequin's cheeks. Minutes ticked by as Katsuki kept staring, imagining green locks poking out from beneath the edge as he tugged on the tassels to pull a smile from its wearer. Green eyes going wide as he handed it over, actually presenting his omega with a gift face to face. A whispered, "Thank you," as round freckled cheeks reddened-

"Evening, young man."

If Katsuki could have literally jumped out of his skin, he would have. Jerking his head towards the voice, he stared at the old man that stood in the doorway of the shop. He hadn't noticed, but unlike a lot of shops in the city, this one seemed to be part of a small home. The wood around the window was weathered and old with peeling robin's egg blue paint. Swallowing, Katsuki tried to find his words. If he'd just been staring into this man's home, it was no wonder he'd come out to find out what Katsuki's doing. "Evening, old man," he finally replied gruffly.

A smile cracked across the old man's ancient face, and he leaned out to see into the front window. "My wife's work. She knits all year long with the best yarn she can find so that alphas like yourself can gift something special to their omegas. Or betas, of course. Times are changing. It's more common to see alphas or omegas marrying betas or even their same dynamic. I think that's lovely." His smile only grew as Katsuki blinked at him nonplussed. "Sorry, I tend to ramble. My wife says it's a problem, but I don't think so. Did you have a special someone in mind? Would you like to take a closer look?"

"I'm... late... to meet... with the omega I'm courting," he said haltingly, unable to resist the other alpha's probing. That happened sometimes with the older alphas. It felt like a sense of community to him, one he resisted, but appreciated when he actually took their unsolicited advice.

"You're only getting more late, but this young omega might like a gift in return. It's not an apology, but it could be the start of one."

"I-"

"If you didn't want to take a closer look, you would have already walked away. You don't have to buy anything, but you could keep it in mind."

Sound logic, and with a sigh, Katsuki nodded. Only a few minutes later he had bought the beanie, and a few minutes after being gushed over by the old man's old omega wife, he was sprinting even faster than before. He felt lighter with the beanie clutched in his hand though, and the only thing in his chest was the anticipation of handing the gift over to Izuku.

It felt like there had been a lot of helping hands in his courting of Izuku, but it also felt like he'd been squandering the chances. With any luck, this would push the scales back in his favor. He hadn't heard anything else about the date Izuku had gone on, and sadistically, he hoped it hadn't gone well for the alpha.

When Katsuki finally shoved into the rink, he let out an explosive sigh of relief. Music played through the rink, and he seemed to have come in right at the crescendo. Not only that, but he immediately recognized the song.

' All the shine of a thousand spotlights/all the stars we steal from the night sky/will never be enough- '

Slowly, Katsuki stepped out enough for him to fully see the rink.

There was Izuku, occupying the whole rink with his presence if not his body. Whenever Izuku skated -really skated, not what he did in practice- it was impossible to look away from him. And in that moment, it was even more so.

Out on the ice, Izuku moved more elegantly than ever. There was no wobble in his stance, no hesitation in his jumps. There was a languidness to his movements that made something deep in Katsuki's chest ache to join him. And then he saw the look on Izuku's face.

He clutched the beanie even more tightly. "Why does he look so sad?" he whispered to himself.

He nearly jumped out of his skin for the second time that night when he heard Uraraka speak up from beside him. He hadn't seen her or Kaminari on the bench, too absorbed in his partner.

"I think you know, Bakugou. It might not be obvious to him, but you and I aren't dense."

On the ice, Izuku lifted his open palms toward the ceiling, staring up at them longingly. ' Towers of gold are still too little/these hands could hold the world but it'll/never be enough/never be enough- '

He watched Izuku until the end of the song before going to take the seat between Kaminari and Izuku's bag. As discreetly as possible, trying to make it look like he was getting into his own bag, he carefully slid the beanie into Izuku's bag.

Then he went to grab for his skates. An image flashed passed his eyes. Crimson blood on stark white ice. Fear and pain in forest green eyes. Tears on freckled cheeks. A young girl’s hand clutched in his as he used his pheromones to calm her.

"Kacchan, you made it!"

Sucking in a sharp breath and doing his best to calm the sharp rise and fall of his chest, he glanced at Izuku leaning over the wall. The omega's cheeks were flushed, pushed up high on his face from the force of his smile.

"I was worried you weren't going to."

There was a subtle undertone to his words, something that went along with the song that was now repeating through the speakers. Katsuki swallowed, and squeezed his hands into fists to keep them from shaking. He couldn't practice with Izuku tonight, couldn't touch him, not in his state. He'd fuck up. Make a mistake. Get them both hurt. He shouldn’t have come.

He pulled his hands away from his bag. "Had an emergency during lessons. One of my students got hurt. Phone died." His sentences were clipped, short, just fragments that lacked any of his usual harsh tone.

"Did you see my program? It's what I had been planning for this year before Mr. Aizawa's announcement."

"Most of it. Missed the first part."

Izuku's smile never faded, but it softened marginally. He pushed away towards the rink entrance, and slid on his guards before moving over to Katsuki to crouch in front of him.

"Do you want to talk about your student? Were they seriously injured?"

Katsuki felt his mouth begin to twitch into a sneer. He forced it down, ignoring the feeling of two extra pairs of eyes on them. This moment felt private, and he wished they were alone so he could just open his mouth and spill his guts. Instead, he just said, "No."

Still, izuku smiled. He didn't stand as he asked, "Will you skate for my blog? My readers are always asking for more videos of you. I'll stay on this side and just record. Can't trust these two to get the proper shots."

Katsuki hadn't known Izuku had talked about him on his blog, and the knowledge made his alpha purr contentedly. The meaning behind Izuku's words took a moment longer to hit. He was offering him an easy way out. Time on the ice alone and an excuse to not be on the ice together for the night. He didn't know if Izuku was doing it on purpose or simply just wanted to let him skate, but the thought sent a ripple of affection through him.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," he finally said, yanking his skates from his bag.

…..

Izuku could tell that something was wrong, and he could tell it had something to do with the student that had gotten hurt. He didn't know exactly what was wrong, what was going on inside that blonde head. If he could have opened up Katsuku's brain and climbed in, he would have done it when they were twelve. No, younger. When they'd first met.

But he couldn't. They're relationship was only just getting better, and he didn't think he was allowed to or should push for a more complete answer.

The ice was the only thing he could offer. Still, he was surprised that Katsuki had so easily taken it, but he was thankful that he had.

Standing on the side of the rink while Katsuki queued up the music and pushed out to middle ice, Izuku felt himself grow giddy with anticipation. While he was desperate to feel Katsuki holding him close like he always did while they skated, he'd been waiting for a long time to get a video of Katsuki that wasn't a competition video.

He was almost vibrating as the first cords of the music played through the rink. When the singing began, he sucked in a breath.

' Some people long for a life that is simple and planned/tied with a ribbon/some people won't sail the sea cause they're safer on land/to follow what's written/but I'd follow you to the great unknown- '

' Please, let me not be imagining this ,' Izuku silently prayed every time Katsuki's eyes met his across the ice.

Katsuki's programs were usually sharp and energized and to the point. He was beautiful and skillful when he skated, but he'd never been one for delicacy. Katsuki was almost savage when he skated, and Izuku loved that about him.

Now though, Katsuki was skating like he was dancing ballet, all strong purposeful movements. All flourishing hand placements and arm sweeps.

And the look on his face was one of painful longing. ' So I risk it all just to be with you/And I risk it all for this life we choose- '

Behind Izuku, his attention was drawn to his friends as they whispered.

"Is it weird that they chose songs from the same movie?" Kaminari asked, voice just above a whisper.

Uraraka snorted. "I think it's weirder that Bakugou has watched The Greatest Showman more than anything else."

Izuku allowed for just a bare second to glance over his shoulder at them. "Shh," he hissed before swiveling back. He fell back into the skating without trouble, but something in the back of his brain wanted to tell his friends to leave. This program felt far too personal for them to be watching. Not only that, but Izuku almost wanted to be the only one to ever have seen it. He wanted to have this part of Katsuki all to himself even if he knew he'd never be allowed such a thing.

When Katsuki glided over, cheeks glowing and eyes looking more grounded than they had before, he asked, "Is that what you were hoping for?"

Staring Katsuki straight in the eye, he whispered, "More. Far more."

#my hero academia #mha #bakudeku #dekubaku #decchan #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #omegaverse #a/b/o dynamics #omega!izuku #alpha!katsuki #figure skater au #no quirks au #my writing #sharpen your blades

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keefwho · 2 years ago

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September 27 - 2022

2:23 PM

I’m so MUSHY right now. I love my besties and wish they knew how much I think about them. Its kinda fun though that they could be doing anything and here I am thinking about how much I like them :) and they have no idea. Hehehehhe

5:23 PM

With how good I’ve been feeling, it almost doesn’t feel necessary to do my mental health days. But I must not fool myself. I’m very aware I may just be in a good phase and have become overly confident. I want to avoid that trap. Even if I have actually elevated myself to a better place, there is still significant improvement from here. Step one is to feel okay and operate normally in my own environment. Next would be getting outside more which is definitely going to be a solid challenge. I do think I’ve made some important progress that has made these past days so normal. The self help book I’m using has some very good tools but I’ve been adjusting how I interpret it’s concepts. A lot of what is offers appeals to the common man or “normies” for lack of a better word. Putting my own twist on things has helped me understand and cement the skills it teaches into my mind. As of late I’ve lived by some simple rules that are based on what I’ve been learning. “Don’t think about it” and “Look at the positives.”

Those 2 things sound comically simple but they encapsulate important ideas that I’ve been finding useful. “Don’t Think About It” almost sounds bad on the surface and it could be if done incorrectly, but my problem is that my “problems” are often me worrying about irrelevant things. At first I was worried this mindset was avoidant but I’m not actually avoiding anything. I acknowledge how I feel and decide that now is not the time and simply push it out of my mind. I defuse from unhelpful thoughts.

“Look At The Positives” sounds dumb I admit but it’s helped me stay thankful and present. Whenever I catch myself falling into an inevitable rut, I try to focus on the things that are actually going right and imagine futures where I’m growing to become better. In the past I’ve had a nasty habit of ruminating on all the problems in my life without realizing there are just as many positives. A lot of the issues I focus on can’t even be fixed, at least in the near future. I’ve found it’s better to focus on what I can do now and what I have going for me.

Both of these ideas have taken some bravery to implement. They both require me to essentially let go of the things I see as threats and commit to believing everything is okay. It’s like ignoring the monster you think you see in your closet.

Now given I keep these things in mind and frequently touch up on the psychological flexibility skills, the next thing I can focus on would be exposure. No matter what I have to start confronting things that make me uncomfortable. The good thing is I can start off easy. Lately the idea of eating a meat stick from my mom’s store has been a little sus, but realistically I have nothing to fear. I’ve eaten plenty before. That could be a good first challenge. The other thing to keep in mind with any exposure exercises is how I should deliberately monitor my thoughts and feelings during them, as well as practice the concepts I’ve been learning. It’s been made clear that doing it this way will be far more effective than exposure for the sake of exposure. This is all about learning about myself.

Aside from my anxiety/phobia, my confidence might be the next major target. I’ve already started working on it a little bit but it’s kind of been second-hand progress to my anxiety work. I like to fake confidence a lot as a sort of joke but the fact is I have some low self worth engrained at my core. It inhibits my ability to improve because I feel like I can’t be “good”. I feel like I belong on the bottom and don’t deserve to be put in the spotlight for anything. The reality is, I’m a person just like everyone else. I’m good at things and bad at things. I can do things that touch the heart of others. I can develop skills people might view as impressive. It doesn’t make sense how I put myself down so much.

11:32 PM

Tonight I put the exposure talk into action. I hung out in my discord VC before I really felt ready and got on VR even though I didn’t feel totally fine. I had a drink too. And while eating dinner, I started to not feel good but I could tell it was just stuff moving through my body doing that so I decided to keep eating. I feel okay now, I know I’m VERY full because I ate a lot today. My body is processing a lot.

I don’t know why I feel the need to make my thoughts and feelings so public. I like when someone hears them, or even just has the potential to. I guess I just want someone to listen but also don’t want to bother someone directly with the paragraphs of content I put here. I also have a super top secret twitter where I put the most intense things. I told myself never to even mention it but I don’t see a harm in it. No one will ever find it or know it’s me if they do. I just want an outlet for all the things I feel. Without having to put the time and effort into drawing it or something.

12:12 AM

There’s thunderstorm potential on Thursday. It doesn’t look bad at all though, but the prospect of anything happening is a good little challenge. I can practice applying the skills I’ve learned to keep my mind off of it until it actually gets here, and then not worrying about it when it’s actually happening. I’m confident that I’ll be able to do my best.

#journal #diary #besties #mushy

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fraudulence-paradox · 3 years ago

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04/13/2021

Well. Perhaps I was overconfident in my last journal entry. I failed the exam.

It sucks. It sucks a lot. Luckily, I had the rules wrong; I’m not getting kicked out of the Ph.D. program. I get to retake it, but if I don’t pass next time, I do get kicked. Maybe. I think I can petition not to be? I don’t know. I don’t want to find out.

Turns out there was a section on the exam that I didn’t know about that has an easy question every time. Everyone in the lab was like “why didn’t you take that section?” and I wanted to say “why didn’t anyone tell me about it??” Whatever. It’s over and done with. With the two first questions, the free question from the easy section, and hopefully one or two from the linear systems section I should be fine.

I wish they would tell me my score at least. I’m literally not allowed to know anything. They can’t tell me if I bombed it, what questions I got wrong, what my cumulative score was, nothing. But alas. So we beat on, right?

I don’t know if I can blame the pandemic for this, or just my shitty habits when I lived alone, or what, but I’ve been a complete mess lately. My drinking is getting a little out of control. Like, I don’t think I can go a day without it without some serious convincing. At the moment, it’s totally psychological at least. My hands don’t shake and I don’t get like withdrawal sickness or anything, but it is pretty annoying… and expensive. But frankly, what the hell else is there to do other than get shitfaced every night? It’s not like I can go out anywhere.

Compounded with that, I’ve started to gain a fairly significant amount of weight. Which, I suppose is to be expected. I haven’t been to the gym in literally a year because of the good ole SARS-CoV-2 buggaroo. But I’ve also been eating shittier, walking less (again, thanks, virus) and just generally being a fat asshole. I wish it was different.

I’m worried because I’ve just had these awful habits for almost a year now. I don’t know how the hell to break out of them. Like, even just quitting drinking would save like a thousand calories a day—that alone would probably get me back to my old levels of slimness. God I miss the gym.

I’ve just been so… I don’t know, unmotivated. Like, every day just blurs into the last. Days drag, weeks fly by, that whole thing. I’m in such a rut. It’s a comfortable and boring rut, the most insidious kind. I barely draw, play guitar, even play videogames anymore. I just lay in bed and stare at my phone. Writing here is sort of an accomplishment for me. Anything other than just sitting around staring at the internet is, really.

Even the whole Ph.D. thing, supposedly my dream, is becoming a chore. Maybe it’ll be different when it’s back to being in-person, but trying to research from home is so hard. I just hate it. It was fun at first because I didn’t have to commute, and I was doing cool work, but now I feel like I’ve just hit the end. I don’t even know what else to study. Papers just don’t interest me like they used to. I’m just so fucking sad and depressed and empty.

I went to the store today, and I literally couldn’t tell if it was a dream or real life just because it felt the same. Everything I do is surrounded by this haze of tired empty nothing. This blah that doesn’t feel like anything. And I know that if I just stop this drinking, go to bed earlier, get more exercise, stop staring at my phone like a zombie—if I quit doing all of that shit, I’ll be more productive, and probably happier. But, I just can’t. And I don’t know why. I don’t know if this is something everyone is collectively going through right now, or if I’m just especially inept, but I can’t take it anymore, but I also can’t stop.

At least I finally got vaccinated. I got my first shot about 3 weeks ago. I got the Moderna one, so I can’t get the next shot until at least next week. But after that, and two weeks of it stewing in my blood, pretending to be the real COVID while my white blood cells and B-cells and whatever else gobble it up, I can finally go back to being a human again. I never thought I’d say this, but I really crave structure. I just don’t function well without it. I need to go into school and sit in my little lab cubicle and have all of that there so coming home feels like an event. As it is now, work and leisure just blend into one another. I stare at reddit and other shitty social media sites during work hours, I sleep in when I can, I get the minimal amount done, and then I just do that all day. I don’t really stop half-working, but I never really start actually working.

The whole ritual of the train ride in was its own form of catharsis. I have a whole journal on paper of that time. It spans most days up until school got shut down. It’s still full of my depressing musings or whatever, but I could just get all that shit out, then go in, and by the time the day ended, I was happy to be going home. Hell, I was happy to be at work too! Like, when it’s in-person, it hardly even feels like working. It’s just fun. But right now, it’s a slog.

Hopefully things turn around soon. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

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fictionwriting · 4 years ago

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Casting Call?

Not quite yet, as I’ve only posted three very brief chapters on what is, at the moment, an extremely obscure fiction site, but networking is very difficult when one is obscure, so let’s put it out there: someday, I’d like to turn some of the stories I’m writing into low budget movies or videos, plays, or maybe both. This raises a few questions.

Q: Will there be pay?

A: No, probably not. This is just for fun. I can’t picture making any money off of these projects, myself, and will be delighted if I manage to break even. There is no revenue to share. Professional actors probably will have much better places to be, both creatively and financially, than on my backlot.

Q: How do we get in touch with you?

A: Online, you don’t. Any casting or other recruitment I do will be done in the real world, offline. There are a number of reasons for this.

1. Many, many people, down through the years, have come to grief by doing their networking online. Yes, one can fill a party very quickly doing that, but one can also get one’s home trashed by a group of psychopaths who will then vanish anonymously into the night, leaving one with a very large bill for repairs.

2. If you really don’t like getting out, theater is not the hobby for you. There is no hiding from the audience. A little mousiness is not an insurmountable problem, but if one is not willing to go out and wander, just how far outside of Emily Dickinson territory is one, at that point? Far enough that one won’t freeze on stage as the reality of there being no second take sinks in, and one’s eyes adjust to the point at which one sees the audience, again?

Even amateur theater calls for a little bit of a background, even more so with us, because there will be Improv work. Those experiences you have as you wander exploring the parts of the city, the ones that you don’t know in advance of your arrival, are what kick you out of creative ruts that you didn’t know you were in and give you something to play with when you’re up there. There is no virtual substitute for that gift of real world experience. I’m counting on you to go out and get that experience. The way you make contact helps to ensure that you’ve done that. When the time is right, I’ll be advertising in the real world. How? Maybe in PerformInk, if I can persuade the staff to not post the notice online. Maybe in hardcopy zines I’ve distributed. Maybe through the posting of flyers, though probably not, given how quickly those get torn down. One way or another, in you’ve wandered into the right place, you’ll see some sort of notice that points you in the direction of a short lived, throwaway website that will give more information, and maybe the time and place of a meeting.

Q: I hear that Supplicants has a scene in which a character appears in a state of undress. Is that something that you expect of those working with you?

A: You’re hearing from somebody who skimmed the story much too quickly. There is a scene in which “Meg” is unpleasantly surprised to discover that she has been so seen, in the past, by somebody who was spying on here, but there is no scene in which, present tense, she is going out there “thusly”, as Meg puts it. If that story should be dramatized, and you’re playing Meg, all that you’re going to be putting on display is your embarrassment and anger. You will be fully clothed throughout. Assuming that Supplicants even gets dramatized, which it probably won’t, given how much of the story is taking place inside the character’s thoughts. As for what I expect of the performers, in general … Note that I’m using Youtube to host our videos. The TOS there would not allow for the uploading of amateur R rated videos, even if I wanted to upload them. Which I don’t. Such a video would probably go viral, with a great potential for uncomfortable consequences for the performers later in life, even those who remained clothed. For this reason, not only would I not ask this of you, I wouldn’t let you do so on video. As for stage … I can’t picture a reason for there to be such a scene, and I will guarantee that I’ll never surprise you with one. As an actor, you’re creating a role, and like an other artist, you might get a little territorial about your creation. I understand and respect that. Having appeared as a given character on stage or video, you might not be too thrilled with having somebody else fill in for you in the same cycle of performances you’re in, any more that a sculptor would feel pleased with the thought of somebody else knocking a few chips of marble out of his statue. While I will write what I will write, and can’t make any promises about what your characters will be up to in print while you’re away, I can say that not everything that happens in print has to happen in front of an audience or a camera. If the understanding has not existed from the time you started playing a character that this might be asked of you, then I’m not going to ask you to choose between having somebody else intrude on your work, or you physically stepping outside of your comfort zone. We can just work around that scene. “So you’ll be telling everybody to expect this from the beginning, right you dog, you?” No. If I were to be putting on a play about the experiences of an artist’s model, then yes, there would probably be nudity. But why would I do that? In real life, all the model does is stand motionless. Where’s the story in that? Running a mental checklist of other possibilities, I just can’t come up with a scenario in which such a scene would be anything but gratuitous, advancing neither the plot nor the development of the characters. That being the case, such a scene should not appear on stage at all, I believe.

Q: “So you’re a bluenosed Puritan?”

A: I don’t think so. Others have disagreed. I would say that in any sort of art, there is a point at which less becomes more. While there might be something to be said for having a little extraneous material to make the piece feel more real, give it a little of the untidiness of real life, if one doesn’t keep the amount of that material under control, is one really crafting anything at all? Can one see the art under all of that undergrowth? If we’re introducing entire scenes that have nothing to do with why the piece exists, then I think that’s maybe a bit too much clutter. In Supplicants, it’s a fair bet that Jack had dinner before he headed off to Church. Notice how I don’t tell you what he had for dinner? This is not because I morally object to eating. It just doesn’t have anything to do with the story, at least not yet. The same principle applies here. Meg probably isn’t a virgin at this point in her life, but what would be the relevance of her love making technique in the story you’ve seen to this point? I think that to show Meg in the heat of action would be like having you sit down and watch Jack cook up his pot of white bean goulash. There. So now you know. Jack is a horrible cook. Who cares? Yes, we could probably get more people into the seats - assuming that there are seats and we’re not doing this out in a Park somewhere - by having people watch Meg do her thing. No, I’m not so clueless that I don’t understand this, but if we sink to that, is the audience watching the play or is it just biding its time, waiting for a striptease? To say “let us know why we are here” isn’t Puritanism. It’s focus. It’s also particularly fitting, given what I’m trying to do.

Q: How’s that?

A: In describing this site, what I’ve said is that if a baby is tottering down the center line on a highway on page one, by page two a truck will have struck the little one. “So, this is about sadism?”, somebody asks. No, this is about merciless realism, what would happen instead or what we’ve chosen to pretend would happen. Having a hero sweep in at the last moment and carry the child to safety would be a feel good ending, and certainly something that would make us cheer in real life, but it wouldn’t happen in real life. So, that male fantasy driven business of having women throwing their clothes off because the hero says “good morning” with a winning enough smile, aside from being in bad taste as far as I’m concerned, just doesn’t fit. In terms of performance, what I’m aiming for (and hoping to hit), again, is realism, taking the tone down a notch until the characters look like real people. Less screaming and breaking of furniture, even if that is what people have come to expect out of Chicago theater. We’ll leave the mugging to the professionals, as we move toward a more conversational tone, and try to have the drama grown out of the situation rather than out of the volume with which the situation is discussed.

Q: So you’re a professional director?

A: Hardly. Just an amateur who knows what he likes, and has noticed, of late, that he hasn’t been getting it. Contrived, “high concept” plots, acting that seems more like clowning than anything else - and high priced acting instruction that seems to offer the student very little. If all we are getting for our money is a few exercises that we could find out of a book, and some grumbling out of the instructor at the end of a scene as the only feedback we’re getting, then can’t we do that for ourselves? Just take the books and play, with maybe a small audience around from time to time so that what we get isn’t just an echo chamber.

Q: So why should we care about whether or not you like what you’ve been finding? Why should we go to so much trouble to seek you out?

A: You shouldn’t. If you run into one of my offline promotions, like the writing and ideas you see, and want to play, drop by and maybe we’ll have fun. If you don’t, no big deal, either. There are a lot of other people you can hook up with, and some of them can probably put on a much better show than I can. So, just let it happen. Or not.

I’ll be back, later. Coffee awaits.

Note: This was reposted to my Posterous, Livejournal (and Elsewhere) comment journal, having been moved from its original location in response to concerns raised by a number of incidents of censorship, at a company that had kept offering assurances to its users that it had mended its ways in this. Over the years, at each point it insisted that henceforth, it would sin no more, but the return to old, comfortable vices would always come so swiftly that clearly, no effort to resist then had been made, at all.

I had to move the post again, today, because my previous host, the victim of an acquihire, will be closing down in a few days. What a nuisance! One spends more time repairing the damage done by the unprofessionalism of supposed professionals, than one gets to spend writing.

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spookwaves · 4 years ago

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Golly gee, been feeling that Animal Crossing burnout, huh?

TL;DR: Manchild is getting bored of Animal Crossing, but doesn’t want to admit it.

-Anyway:

• I mean, given current circumstances, it’s kinda the perfect game. Building your own little corner of the vast world- your own little slice of paradise, though you‘ve got to work for it. Come back day in, day out, to chip away at that marble slab. That much I relish, slowly watching as each little piece set into place starts coming together, and even when I find myself in a rut, some time passes when I realize that instead of thinking too hard about what I could do, I could just work with what’s around me. Going in to Animal Crossing: New Horizons with the mentality that it would be some time before I ever settled on an overall “aesthetic” was just- it would actually take some time to earn the privilege to change the very landscape itself. Time to plot out how the island itself would take shape once I unlocked the Island Designer app, and how I would actually go about it after getting it.

• Well, now as my island “nears its completion”, I find myself incapable of finishing my project, as in I still have much left to refine, but beyond that, the overall shape has taken form. As of late I found myself in a similar rut of too many ideas converging, with no harmony to each other, nor what I had already established on my island. And- entirely my own fault- my laziness had been stopping me from achieving any actual progress. And even when I can finally manage that little bit of motivation, I’ll always end up seeing someone else’s progress on their own island projects, and be completely blown away by the caliber of creativity on display. And suddenly- just like that- any steam I had quickly dissipates.

• So what’s a fellow to do when he’s run all out of ideas? Well of course, Animal Crossing has many other distractions, such as fishing or bug catching, or shopping for that particular variation of furniture just perfect for your home’s theme or for that lovely seasonal ensemble to spiffy up your little avatar. But then the furniture starts to repeat, the clothing selection repeats, and once you’ve successfully logged the season’s newest catches, and donated them to the museum, there’s the tedium of catching the same fish/bugs over and over. It’s not as if the grind is actually that bad, right? CJ and Flick both respectively buy any of your fish or bugs, and with a 50% markup too! Spending some time with your nose to the grindstone can pay dividends in the end. Although, turnips can net you even more, and with little to no effort as well. Even then, the stalk market isn’t so exciting anymore when you’ve earned far more Bells than you’re ever likely to actually spend. Museum progress can grind to a halt, as you’re left to the mercy of the game deciding if Redd should EVER visit (which, in my experience, is almost never) for a chance to get a new piece of art to donate, or assessing fossil to try and get that final fossil, only to leave disappointed with four or so shiny pieces of coprolite (fossilized dung).

• So when all else fails, then what? The villagers, of course! The neighborly cast of colorful characters with whom you spend every day on the island. While the other special characters some level of interaction every day, the other residents fill island with life, from fun little activities like watering the flowers, exercising, or singing, to pantomiming bug catching or fishing. Every day, you can talk with your villagers, and if you’re feeling extra generous, give them gifts, building friendship with each passing day.

And it all just loses its luster when I hear the same repeated dialogue over and over again. “Oh, you dug up fossils yesterday! Did you have Blathers inspect them?” “Hey, that special NPC you probably already noticed is visiting today!” This dialogue interspersed with the same cookie cutter villager “personality” dialogue gets old quick. And if you talk with your villagers too often, they can become upset about you bothering them. I never thought I’d really miss having to do menial chores for my villagers each day, but here I am, just hoping to have some kind of activity to do beyond the same repetitive text. But what really disheartens me is the inability to join villagers in their day-to-day activities. Can’t join in and exercise, or sing, or even just sitting down with villagers. Even walking with your villagers actually triggers a negative response from them, as if you were forcefully pushing them around (even though you aren’t). I wish there were more interactive options with these characters who are supposed to be our “friends”, because even my real friends can’t always be there to humor me. They have their own interests and business to attend to, and by now, they’ve probably stopped playing New Horizons long ago, while I voluntarily place myself in this cutesy Limbo.

• But that’s not as if to say there isn’t hope for more activities down the road, as after all, the AC team did confirm long-term support for the game, potentially seeing the return of older, revamped features, and perhaps maybe even newer features too? Time will tell, but for now, I find myself in a rut, not just for a lack of progress, but even for motivation. Every morning I’ll boot up the game, do the daily chores, check in with the villagers, browse the shops, and then quit, because I know there’s nothing left for me. I love Animal Crossing to death, and New Horizons has so much potential, but as it stands, there isn’t much that I’ve already seen.

I don’t want to admit that I’m bored. But it’s the truth.

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neilmillerne · 6 years ago

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How Jaime used 20 second of courage to lose 135 pounds.

Meet Jaime.

Apologies in advance if her story makes you cry.

But don’t worry, it’s not the ugly crying from watching Inside Out or Toy Story 3. The inspiring kind of crying that makes you go “there’s hope for humanity yet!”

I met Jaime in person at one of our big events we’ve done in the past, Camp Nerd Fitness, and I remember two things specifically: she was very nice, and very shy 🙂

Little did I know that event would be the “radioactive spider” that bit Jaime and gave her permission to transform herself into a real life superhero.

I’m proud to say that Jaime is a member of our Nerd Fitness Academy (on sale 50% this week only here), but I guarantee this story is full of information you can start to implement TODAY.

HOW JAIME LOST 135 POUNDS AND CHANGED HER LIFE

STEVE: Jaime! Holy crap you have changed since we met in 2016! We’ll get to all the good stuff shortly, but I want to start by painting the picture of who you were before. Tell me your origin story!

JAIME: I have struggled with my weight my entire life.

I was an overweight kid, enough so I went with my mom to Weight Watchers when I was 10.

If I wasn’t trying to lose weight then I was gaining weight: I’d lose 50 – 80 lbs and then gain it all back.

My highest recorded weight was 330lbs.

I was pre-diabetic, on medication for high blood pressure, had pain in my hips, back and knees and was generally miserably unhappy.

STEVE: Thanks for sharing that with us: it’s amazing how childhood experiences can impact our lives for decades after. For you, it sounded like 3+ decades of struggle – what was a typical day like for you before you changed?

JAIME: I would hit snooze about a million times before getting up at 4:15am so that I could catch the bus into the city.

Usually my only exercise would be walking to and from the train station. I would visit the cafe across the street from my office and get a pretty large breakfast.

At work, anytime I would get up from my desk I would have pain in my hips. If I took the stairs to deliver anything to a coworker my knees would protest.

I was also living off Diet Mountain Dew.

For lunch I would go out to Moe’s Southwest Grill at least three days a week: a burrito bowl with extra meat and a bag of tortilla chips.

I would also snack at work, because they were everywhere: candy, chips or granola bars.

When I got home, I would eat dinner and then just sit on the sofa, playing on my iPad, or scrolling Facebook over and over. Then I’d sneak off to my room with some candy or ice cream.

I’d stay up way too late and then do the same thing the next day.

STEVE: We’re creatures of habit, and it sounds like you managed to find yourself stuck in an unhealthy, but comfortable rut. So what changed?

JAIME: I actually found Nerd Fitness back in 2012; I would read the emails, and I think I tried doing Paleo a few times, and it just didn’t stick for me.

(Steve’s note: it doesn’t stick for most people! Here’s why…)

I remember giving the free workouts a try but honestly at my size (330 lbs), just the warm-up was a workout. I’d be so sore that I would end up skipping the next workout and then give up.

I was still collecting underpants: gathering more and more information without taking action yet.

I eventually joined the NF Academy in January 2014, but didn’t do much with it for close to two years.

But I kept reading. And waiting.

And then I saw the announcement for Camp Nerd Fitness, an in-person long-weekend event taking place just up the road from where I lived! I wanted to go so badly but consistently talked myself out of it. I thought I was probably too big to go, and definitely not fit enough.

So I skipped the first two years, and finally, when it came to the 3rd Camp NF in 2016, I used 20 seconds of courage and signed up.

I knew that motivation was going to be high when I got back from Camp so I went and signed up for a gym membership, trainer and everything.

STEVE: So what happened at Camp NF, and what happened after?

JAIME: I really loved Camp NF.

I consider it the beginning of my transformation.

I spent the majority of my time in the mindset classes, which I knew I needed help with before I could fix my body. I tried yoga and BJJ, but was so sore and tired that I was passed out in my bunk before anyone else.

After returning from Camp, I set out to implement as many of the lessons I had learned.

To start, I got more involved in the private Academy Facebook group and the Camp Nerd Fitness group. I even started checking off some quests in the Academy!

As for my nutrition, I began by trying to eat the same healthy foods I enjoyed eating at camp: veggies, meat, fruit, and healthy carbs. I wasn’t tracking or logging anything to start, because I knew that would overwhelm me.

Next, I addressed my breakfast: I used to go to a little cafe across the street from my office and get breakfast, so I started swapping my old breakfast (eggs, bacon, a big pile of potatoes and a biscuit) for a lower calorie Veggie omelette. I eventually quit going all together and started packing my own breakfast and lunch and healthy snacks!

After I conquered and solidified those changes, I started logging my food so that I had a better grasp on how many calories I was consuming every day. I had logged in the past and always had success with it, and this time, it actually stuck.

As far as training after Camp, I used the Camp motivation to start working with a coach, twice a week. I ran into some issues when pushing myself TOO hard with weight training, so we backed things way off and switched to more of a bodyweight training approach. After that, I incorporated about 30 minutes of cardio on my off days.

STEVE: You told us about what life used to be like…What’s a typical day like for you NOW?

JAIME: I now get up at 3:30am without snoozing (thanks sunrise alarm clock!). I also make my bed to give me some momentum.

I’m at the gym by 4:30AM, which is great because there’s nobody there.

I then head to bus stop and head into work. I bring my breakfast, lunch, and snacks with me so I’m not tempted to buy unhealthy foods.

I’ll try to take a short walk during lunch, weather permitting.

After work, I don’t spend nearly as much time sitting on the couch. I make sure to repack my gym bag for the next day, which takes all of 5 minutes.

Before bed I’ll review how my day went, look at my schedule for the next day, and decide how I want to spend the little bits of free time: it’s usually either reading or studying.

For the most part I am happier. I feel more confident in certain situations. I’m off blood pressure meds, and I’m no longer prediabetic. No more pain in my hips when I get up from my desk…unless I killed my legs at the gym!

STEVE: I love this: building systems, packing your bag the day before, reviewing your day and planning the next one. This is a leveled-up life for sure!

I know you’ve been a moderately active member of our private online communities – it’s how I found out about your success! What do the NF Academy and Camp NF communities mean to you?

JAIME: I think the communities are worth the price of admission on their own, even if you don’t follow the workouts or fully utilize all the Academy has to offer.

They are some of the best places on Facebook.

I’m mostly a lurker, but I’ve always considered both groups a safe place to go for advice and support.

There’s also a “100+ lbs to lose” Academy subgroup which has become very active recently – I’m trying to keep the positive momentum with a July challenge.

STEVE: Thank you for stepping up and leading that charge, Jaime. It’s really great to see and we are lucky to have you in the Rebellion!

Okay, so it’s Outsiders Month here at Nerd Fitness – what sort of things are you doing now that you never would have done in the past?

JAIME: In February 2017, I signed up for a Spartan Race in DC on September 9th with a bunch of other NF Rebels I had met at Camp and in the Academy (including NF’s lead trainer, Jim Bathurst).

I made the mistake of signing up first and watching YouTube videos after – I was scared but I’m so glad I signed up.

To prepare for that race, I also signed up for the Triple Peach, which is the Peachtree Road race (10K), PNC 10 Miler, and The Thanksgiving Day Half Marathon:

I was able to do each of those races and by the time the Spartan rolled around I was down 120lbs. The Spartan Race was so much fun!!! I was crazy nervous but once I got myself over that first wall, it was on! I did so many things that I never thought I would be able to do.

As far as other activities I’m now able to do…

I can hang from my arms, no pull-ups yet but I’m working on it. I went rafting in a two man kayak, I tried indoor rock climbing, and I was able to easily fit in all the rides at The Wizarding World of Harry Potter…so magical 🙂

STEVE You’ve changed dramatically. I also know this is a lifelong journey, and old mindsets are really tough to overcome. What do you still struggle with?

JAIME: I struggle with letting myself be “done” with losing weight. The excess skin left over from being heavy for so long distorts how I see myself sometimes. It makes me feel “fat” and that voice in my head tells me that maybe I should lose a little more.

I know this is just my mind playing tricks, so I don’t listen to it.

Thanks to the Nerd Fitness article on meditation, I’ve been working on meditation and my mindset since December 2016. Thanks Headspace! The biggest difference is that I feel that much of the internal struggle I used to have with myself over food is gone.

I used to get to a point in every previous weight loss attempt where I just couldn’t fight with myself anymore and that is when the backsliding would start. Now, if a craving pops up it isn’t something that I feel I have to immediately act on, I have some space to make a decision.

The unexpected struggle: who am I as this new, fit, healthy person? I’m 40 and at a healthy weight for the first time in my life. The world treats me differently and I’m trying to learn how to be. I find that I’m still trying to act invisible, head down, no eye contact.

There is also a good bit of fear of gaining it all back. I did start Therapy in February and I do feel more comfortable in my new skin. There is less fear because I know I have the tools I need.

STEVE: Jaime, that’s incredible. Mental health is so important and I know this is a huge step for you, I’m really glad you’re taking the time to work on yourself that way too. So this is amazing.

So inquiring rebels want to know: what’s next for you?

JAIME: I recently got certified as a personal trainer! I haven’t done anything with it yet, but I just feel like I know enough to be dangerous. I just want to keep moving forward and get stronger.

I’m also getting more serious about my powerlifting. I had been squatting for a while but was getting more nervous the more weight I put on my back. I wanted to be sure my form was on point and I hadn’t really had any decent instruction on deadlifts, so I starting training with a powerlifting coach.

I’m about 9 months into it and I really enjoy it. So far my biggest moment was deadlifting 135lbs, which was my total weight loss. I didn’t realize how heavy that was until I was holding it in my hands.

I’m thinking about maybe trying out a powerlifting meet. I haven’t even said it out loud yet….

STEVE: Jaime, I have no doubt that some day in the future I’ll be seeing you share a photo from you at your first powerlifting meet, and maybe even one day hear that you’re training clients yourself!

I’m so proud of you, and I was giddy to be able to share this story with our community. Thank you!

Why Jaime Was Successful: The 5 Keys to Her Changes

I love Jaime’s story so much.

Here is a woman who has been struggling with her weight since she was a little kid, including trips to Weight Watchers with her mom at 10!

3 decades later, after gaining and losing the same 50-80 pounds over, and over, and over…something was different. Jaime is now a COMPLETELY different person, and I couldn’t be happier to have her be such a powerful and supportive member of our community.

I want to draw attention to 6 things specifically that I think are the reasons why this attempt to transform succeeded where every previous attempt had failed:

#1 JAIME KEPT TAKING BABY STEPS

As I heard more of Jaime’s story, I noticed pattern that became more and more prevalent.

She keeps taking very small steps in the right direction.

And it might have been weeks, months, or years between steps…but they are all steps, nonetheless.

She also used 20 Seconds of Courage (a rallying cry for us Rebels) at key moments when she was afraid to try something.

Jaime started reading Nerd Fitness in 2012. She then continued to read the articles but struggled to take action for two years. That’s okay!

She joined the NF Academy in 2014. She started reading the content, she joined the community, and still didn’t go all in for another two years. That’s okay!

In 2016, she decided to attend Camp Nerd Fitness, where she took more baby steps, working on her mindset and trying a few activities that didn’t scare her.

After Camp NF, she took another baby step: making slightly healthier food choices without thinking about anything else.

When it came to her breakfast, she made baby steps there too: from unhealthy paid breakfast, to slightly healthier option, and then she started bringing her own food.

After she built that momentum, she started logging her food and educating herself further.

She slowly leveled up her workouts, and signed up for increasingly challenging races that allowed her to build confidence:

Signing up for a race can be TERRIFYING.

Going to camp as a stranger? TERRIFYING.

Going to your first BJJ class? TERRIFYING.

So in each instance, Jaime mustered up just 20 seconds of courage to sign up for something before she could talk herself out of it!

I have no doubt that within the next few years, I’ll be hearing from Jaime about her coaching clients and how much fun she had at her first powerlifting meet – all because she keeps taking baby steps towards her new goals!

#2: JAIME USED MOTIVATION TO BUILD MOMENTUM

Most people watch an inspiring video, attend a conference, read a book, or listen to a podcast and get all excited about changing their lives, saying “Things are going to be different now!”

So they start exercising, or running every day, or working on a project that’s important to them. And this sticks for a few weeks until life gets busy, and they realize that they have slipped back into old habits and are back at square one.

I call this “The Afterglow”: an increased period of motivation after a life-event where somebody is inspired to change. This afterglow eventually burns out as life returns to normal.

Jaime instead focused on “The Everglow:” she put her efforts into making her changes PERMANENT. By using this period of increased motivation to build systems and habits, she made sure that her progress and momentum became routine.

In other words, the fire that burned after camp is still burning today.

Boom! Everglow!

As we know here at Nerd Fitness, motivation is fickle and abandons us when we need it most.

So Jaime built systems and discipline and didn’t rely on motivation:

She joined a gym and paid for training sessions up front. She knew she’d be more inclined to go if she didn’t want to waste money.

She picked a gym right next to the bus she takes to work every day.

She packs her gym bag every night before bed so she doesn’t have to think about it the next morning.

She pre-plans her work clothes for the week and pre-makes her food so there’s no decision to be made at 3:30AM when she wakes up!

She signed up and planned for races far in the future so she’d actually go.

By using this period of increased motivation to put safeguards, systems, and processes into her life, Jaime minimized the hurdles between her and continuing to build momentum through action.

She removed friction that allowed her to build momentum.

Additionally, she ADDED friction between her and the things she wanted to avoid: she started bringing her food from home so she wouldn’t be tempted to eat unhealthy food.

https://ift.tt/2L4s0SU

#How Jaime used 20 second of courage to lose 135 pounds.

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johnclapperne · 6 years ago