#I’ve been having a bad time for [checks notes] quite a few weeks now

[femboycharles]

do you ever wonder what’s the point in posting online bc none of it’s actually real

[chaiifluuf]

•°. *࿐ What if all i need is you? — d. osamu

synopsis. after going underground for the time being to leave the port mafia, yours and dazai’s friendship starts to feel like something else

content. gn!reader, spoilers for the dark era/season 2 ep 4, lowercase, comfort, fluff, hcs + one-shot, clingy dazai, lowkey bad writing??

notes. i don’t think i’ve ever been this nervous about posting something ( ; ω ; ), anyways first post and first time attempting to actually write smth so this most likely has grammatical mistakes…

dazai who, after witnessing his best friend’s death, arrived at your doorstep at midnight and without a second thought asked you to run away with him.

dazai who tells you everything that happened and why he is willing to make a change, hoping you will come along with him.

dazai who is deep down desperate for your comfort and touch, your soothing words that somehow always manage to find a way to his heart.

dazai who at one point couldn’t hold it together anymore and spends many nights silently crying into your shoulder, for the first time allowing himself to be vulnerable around you.

dazai who believes he will never be quite enough to deserve your endless amount of care and affection.

dazai who was able to have a full night of near peaceful sleep in a while, all thanks to your warmth and mere presence next to him.

dazai who realises how much you truly matter to him, how he can’t ignore the warm feeling in his chest whenever he sees you, how his body craves for you.

dazai who slowly starts to think that maybe with you he can do this and become the better person who odasaku wished him to be.

the full moon was shining brightly tonight, slightly peeking through the curtains of your shared apartment. the weather is calm, only a soft breeze passing by at times. it’s almost been half a year now since you and dazai went underground and it’s been quiet to say the least. with some help from ango, you were able to find a small temporary apartment in the suburbs, away from the main city.

the first few weeks after agreeing to go with him were rather rough. dazai was uncharacteristically quiet most of the time, his eyes seeming even duller and more distant than usually. it was clear to you how much odasaku’s death had really affected him and you can’t blame him. the best you could do was to tell him it was going to be okay and be there for him in any way needed, a reminder that you’re here to stay.

Another thing you weren’t used to was how clingy he would become.

despite the two of you not being in a relationship, it was almost unreal how touchy you got with each other. Sleeping and basking in each other’s warmth, the lingering touches when the other had to go elsewhere, the small caresses were like a second language for him at this point. and it never made you uncomfortable.

as of now you are finishing watching a film, one that has been sitting in your watchlist for a while now. the ending of it left you a little disappointed but overall it was more than enough to cure your boredom. with a soft sigh, you turn the tv off and place the remote control away.

your gaze drifts down to your chest, a view of familiar brown and soft hair snuggled up to you. he has been practically in the same position for the whole duration you watched the film, a pair of arms securely wrapped around your waist and his head resting against your chest. it's a serene sight.

judging by his steady heartbeat and slow breaths, he seems to be asleep. which is rather rare since the only time he gets actual sleep is late at night if even that. you briefly check your phone and it's barely ten pm. your hand finds itself in his hair, gently brushing through it as you untangle a few knots. it really was beyond your understanding of how soft it is. if you could spend your whole day just caressing his hair you would.

you can’t help but take notice of his features when you brush some of his bangs to the side. he looked absolutely ethereal and it made your heart beat faster without you realising it. you wish he could see himself the way you do. but then again he has said the same thing about you so that’s that. you will never get tired of his peaceful state though, looking as if there is not a single worry on his mind.

more often than you would like to admit, you wonder what you two are. up until running away, you were just close friends with him, friends who got along well. sure there was the typical dazai flirting and petnames here and there but you didn’t think they meant anything further than that. however, overtime you can’t deny the fact you might just have fallen for him.

but now you don’t know. do friends hold each other so intimately? do friends make most of your meals because they know you won’t eat anything else? does a friend look at you so longingly, even if it’s for a split second? and once you ponder about that, you start doubting if he feels the same. what if he doesn’t see you like that? what if he’ll get bored of you eventually? what if—

a small movement from dazai was enough to snap you out of your thoughts. he slightly shifted his position, letting out a faint exhale afterwards.

“‘samu?” you murmur as you stare at him for a little, expecting him to wake up but to your surprise he’s still in his slumber.

there is a certain glint of softness in your eyes before you close them and lightly bury your face into his hair, breathing in the familiar scent of his shampoo. despite your calm breaths, your mind was still running.

“…i love you.” your voice was barely audible. for whatever reason, you felt the need to say it, the very same three words that have plagued your thoughts for a while now. you know he didn’t hear it but at least that’s what made it easier to say. maybe one day you’ll finally let go of all your doubts and fears and confess to him, telling him how much he really means to you.

“you do?”

your heart drops. for a second you wondered if you really heard that or not. there was no way.

“what?” you respond quietly, almost in disbelief. dazai turns his head to get a better look at you as well as move a little closer. his eyes were half open but you can still see the glint of playfulness in them. a faint smirk was on his face. this man… is this supposed to mean that this whole time he was only pretending to be asleep?!

“you love me?” he repeated his question, a bit of teasing evident in his tone. god you wanted to smack that smug smile off his face. perhaps you should have never opened your mouth in the first place.

“ah, i just… i mean…” your words trailed off as your heart started to speed up. suddenly you didn’t know what to say but if he really heard your words earlier then the answer must be obvious. you’re sure you look flustered right now and you can’t even hide it from him since he’s right in front of you.

however, what he did next made your world freeze in time.

without a warning dazai slowly closed the distance and softly touched your lips with his. having you so distracted that you didn’t even notice when he moved his hand to the back your head.

the kiss lasted for about three seconds but it sure felt like an eternity. his lips were much softer than you thought, despite you not having enough time to fully react to the kiss. for a moment you can’t help but question if this was real or another dream you were about to wake up from.

his face still stayed close, his lips slightly parted as his warm breath hit your skin. “i think i love you too y’know..” he mumbled while gently caressing the corner of your jaw. his voice seemed more sincere when he said that.

and just like that all of you anxieties disappeared. you don’t what came over you but what you do know is that you captured his lips with yours once again. only this time you felt the need to go deeper, like you couldn’t get enough of him.

dazai welcomed your initiative warmly, letting out a quiet hum as you kissed him once again. you had no idea kissing someone could feel this good. you swear you can feel him smiling against your lips at some point and it makes your heart skip a beat. your hands wander through his hair, holding him close as your body relaxes.

you guessed all those times he bragged about being a good kisser turned out to be true after all.

when the two of you part to take a moment to breathe, he takes the chance to tease you again. “i’m still waiting for an answer to my question, bella.” he says softly.

yeah, this was definitely real.

thank you so much if you made it this far !<3 literally need to stop rereading this because it gets worse every time i do help

[themultifandomgal]

Hi lovely, love reading your work!!!! Could you do one either Connor Rhodes x reader or Will Halstead x reader where she gets really sick with the flu or something and basically gets wiped out for the week, just her boyfriend/ husband (whatever works better) fussing over her doing all kinds of checks on her, just overall caring?

Connor Rhodes- Full Of Flu

Connor and I have been dating now for quite some years. We met through my sister April since she works at the same hospital as Connor and of course dating a doctor means that if I’m ever ill, he knows best.

I wake up early in the morning to Connor’s alarm going off, but the first thing I notice is how sore my throat is and how bad my head hurts. Groaning I throw the bed sheet over my head

“Not going to give me a morning kiss?” I hear my boyfriend says from next to me. I shake my head in reply, but quickly realise that’s a huge mistake. Groaning again I push my face into my pillow “what’s wrong?” Connor asks removing the bedsheet from my head

“Head hurts, throat sore”

“Hmmm you do feel warm” Connor places his hand on my forehead “let me take your temp” he says leaving the bedroom before quickly returning with a thermometer, painkillers and a bottle of water. Connor takes my temperature and sighs “102. I’ve got a 12 hour shift today, but if you start to feel worse message me”

“Ok” i hum to Connor placing a gentle kiss on my head before getting dressed then leaving the bedroom.

I must have fallen back asleep for some time because when I wake up again the sun is shining and next to me on the bedside table is a bottle of water, painkillers and a little note. However I feel worse that I had earlier. My body is now aching, my nose is stuffy, I also feel a little nauseous too. Still feeling extremely tired, I decided what’s best is to just have a bed day today.

12 hours later Connor returns home and I’ve got progressively worse, having to go to the bathroom a few times to throw up

“How are you feeling?”

“Like crap” I reply shivering in bed

“Have you eaten anything?” Connor asks sitting on the edge of the bed

“No. Been sick”

“Just drink the water slowly, little sips. Can I take your temp again?”

“Yeah” I sigh

“103.3 Jesus baby it’s going up”

“M’cold” I say wrapping the bedsheet round me more

“I know, but you can’t get to warm. Let me go and get some more Tylenol and water”

As the days go by Connor is amazing and thankfully with his help I start to feel better, however this flu does take it out of me. After 2 days I start to eat a little more, connors homemade soup has been a life saver, but I’ve been so tired. Connor has got me out of bed and in clean pyjamas

“Can you try and eat a bit more?” Connor asks looking at the soup in my bowl

“Not hungry”

“I know but you’ve got to eat. Just have 3 more mouthfuls”

“Fine” I give in knowing there’s no point in arguing with him

“Good. Once you’ve eaten then I’ll run you a bath and wash your hair for you. Then we can go to bed”

“And cuddle”

“Yes and cuddle”

“Thank you for looking after me”

“Always. April said she will come over tomorrow on her day off while I do my shift”

“I’ll be fine on my own”

“I know you, you’ll stay in bed all day, won’t eat and will probably forget to drink anything. Aprils coming over, end of story”

For the rest of the week Connor takes care of me, and I start to feel better, however I must of passed the flu to Connor because he’s now the one having to have someone check his temp. Nothing worse than a doctor getting sick because they won’t ask for help or let someone else take care of them. Connor may be stubborn, but so am I. It’s my turn now to look after my boyfriend and I can honestly say I don’t mind one bit.

[716chr]

Chihiro Natsuyaki SSR Story “Dazzling Dancing!” - Part 1

#ちぃとデートなうに使っていいよ /#Feel_Free_To_Use_This_Pic_Like_Ur_On_Date_With_Chii_Right_Now

(TL Note: The hashtag above roughly translates to “Feel free to use this picture (with the hashtag) "On a date with Chii right now”. This (デートなうに使っていいよ) is a common hashtag on X/Twitter where users will save existing photos under the tag to pretend they’re going out with their lovers)

Location: HAMA House

Chihiro: OMG, yay! Mega win for Chii~☆

Kaede: Did something good happen, Chihiro-kun?

Chihiro: Mana-pii*! Guess what, guess what!?

TL Note: So Chihiro (and a few others) call Kaede “主任”. This title can be translated to the following: “person in charge”, “senior staff”, “chief”, “manager”. I picked “Manager” because it flows off the best, hence, Chihiro’s nickname for Kaede (主任ぴ) will be translated as “Mana-pii” in my translations since I don’t feel particularly fond of keeping it as “Shunin-pi”

Chihiro: So, like, that one pancake cafe that’s been makin’ the big buzz lately is doin’ a collab with Chii’s fav brand, TuRyStA, and——

Chihiro: Chii managed to snag reservation ♪ So now Chii can totes go eat those super adorbs TuRyStA bear pancakes

Kaede: That’s good to hear!

Kaede: I knew pancakes are trendy lately due to the retro boom, but collabs like this is totally unexpected…

Chihiro: They’re not just retro anymore, y’know. ‘Cause pancakes nowadays are steppin’ up their game ♪

Chihiro: Check out this site, Mana-pii. Like, pancakes and fruits are makin’ all the big boom now. That fluffy and creamy, melt-in-your-mouth feeling is totes to die for, ya feel~?

Kaede: Woah, they look so good!

Kaede: Ugh…. Hearing Chihiro-kun talk about this is making me crave something sweet now

Kaede: And I just had dinner too

Chihiro: Ahaha, it happens to the best of us~!

Chihiro: Heard that Kirokkuma’s gonna go with his lil sis to this collab

Chihiro: It, like, just gives Chii the total sniffies* 🥺 at the thought of goin’ there alone, so Chii’s plannin’ to invite someone too, since 2 reserved seats already in the bag

TL Note: I decided to ‘translate’ マジぴえん / Maji Pien into “total sniffies” for dramatic effect lol

Chihiro: Hey, Mana-pii. Ya free this weekend? Let’s go indulge in sweets with Chii!

Chihiro: Also…. How ‘bout we grab some puddings for dessert right now?

Chihiro: Chattin’ with Mana-pii got Chii cravin’ for some sweets too ♪

Chihiro: Y’know, as celebration for our reserved seats…. What’d ya think?

Kaede: Uh, but…. I’ve been eating too much lately….

Chihiro: Y’know there’s always room for desserts, right? Like those that’re extra creamy, with nata de coco on top….?

TL Note: Here Chihiro used the kanji “別腹” which basically stands for “dessert stomach”/“having extra room in your stomach for dessert despite being full”

Kaede: Hnng…. Got it! I’ll have pudding with you today and pancake with you next week as well!

Chihiro: Now that’s the spirit! Mana-pii’s the best, you always get it~☆

Chihiro: Aight, don’t forget our weekend plans, ‘kay? If you forget, Chii’s gonna cry for real!

Location: Cafe

Chihiro: Cake ♪ Cake ♪ Pancake ♪

Kaede: Geez, I can already smell it…. I can’t wait for it to arrive

Chihiro: Totally! Chii’s secured the merchs, so now it’s just pancake-munching time!

Kaede: But… This really is a popular collab, isn’t it?

Kaede: It’s thanks to our reservations that we can just waltz right in, but there’s quite the line outside….

Kaede: Somehow, I feel kinda bad

Chihiro: Don’t sweat it, it’s totes fine. Enjoyin’ things like tasty treats and cool places also includes waitin’ in line as part of the fun!

Chihiro: ‘Cause nowadays, there’s even a system that lets you wait in line without actually physically wait in line, right?

Chihiro: But still, if ya linin’ up in front of the cafe, that means that was a deliberate choice!

Chihiro: And, like, just waitin’ for the pancakes to be served while chattin’ you like this, Mana-pii, is already so much fun for Chii…

Chihiro: Chii is sure that everyone outside waitin’ in line is having a good time like us too ♪

Kaede: I see. I guess you’re right

Kaede: Thank you. I was kinda nervous about coming to such a trendy place like this alone…

Kaede: When I’m with you, Chihiro-kun, even waiting is fun

Chihiro: …..!

Chihiro: Damn, that’s, like, the ultimate compliment ever……

Delivery Drone: Thank you for waiting. Here are your “Stakichi Pancake” and “Turysuke Pancake”

TL Note: It’s probably obvious already but I’m just gonna point it out here just to be sure. “Turysuke” and “Stakichi” are just the word Turysta split in half, with common Japanese name suffix (-suke and -kichi) attached, making them into names

Chihiro: It’s here~!!

Chihiro: No way!? It’s this cute!? It’s so totes adorbs that Chii’s feelin’ like freakin’ out right about now!?

Chihiro: Mana-pii, don’t eat yet! Chii wanna snap a quick pic of Stakichi and Turysuke layin’ side-by-side!

Kaede: Of course. If I’m not mistaken….. This purple one’s called Stakichi, right?

Chihiro: Yep, yep! And, this red one is Turysuke, Chii’s fav bear!

TL Note: Chihiro used “推しクマ” and I debated whether or not I should keep it “oshi” as is but ultimately decided to just use “fav” instead. Since I dunno if everyone knows the whole culture behind “oshi” completely or not (plus, I guess it flows a bit better than writing “oshi bear”)

Kaede: Both of them are so cute… Ah, is this spot good for the drinks?

Chihiro: Okie-dokes. That’s the sweet spot!

Chihiro: First thing’s first, gotta snap some pics for SNS….

Chihiro: ‘Kay, Mana-pii get in-frame next! Let’s take a two-shot together to commemorate our outing!

Kaede: O-Okay

Chihiro: Thanks, Mana-pii!

Chihiro: Woah~…. This place is, like, seriously Chii’s vibes

Kaede: (Chihiro-kun looks so happy. Just looking at him makes me happy too)

Kaede: (I’m glad we went here together….)

Chihiro: Let’s save the dazzle postin’ for later. Sorry to keep ya waitin’, Mana-pii. Shall we dig in now?

Kaede: Yeah. Let’s dig i——

Chihiro: Actually, pause! We gotta drop a message to the work chat so everyone at HAMA Tours can know ‘bout our date….

Kaede: Th-That’s embarrassing, wait!

Part 1 | Part 2

[d8nielaa]

omg the jason one is so cute!!! he def just leaves little gifts in your dressing room all the time. imagine if he did it secretly though and you didn't k ow who was leaving cute things for you. but one day he goes to do it but you're already in there and he's like "oh hey uhhhh"

Authors Note: yes my bad anon i interpreted the previous request the wrong way 🥲 for this one, reader has her own dressing room

For Me?

Jason Schmidt x fem!reader

I made it to my dressing room, already exhausted from the day but pulling through because I had two shows to do today. I got to the theater, checking in before running up the stairs to my dressing room.

Once I made it to my dressing room, I opened the door and was met with a basket full of all my favorite candies. Sour gummy worms, chocolate bars, cherry coke etc. I was shocked, a small gasp escaping my lips as observed the basket some more.

I pulled out my phone, taking a picture and immediately posting it to my instagram.

“Whoever you are, thank you”

———————————————————————

Later during intermission, me and Jason were hanging out in his dressing room that he shared with Daryl Tofa. I stood behind him, letting him rant to me about the recent fan interactions he had.

I smiled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as he continued talking.

“And this girl, she was like 13, she gave me a custom build a bear. it was so cool, she made the blue DX collared shirt like by herself, and it had the pants and boots-it had everything!” Jason said, smiled at the thought of the gift. We loved how creative everyone was. These people were insanely talented.

I opened one of the bags of gummy bears, popping a few in my mouth before tilting the bag to Jason, a silent offer. He reached over his shoulder, grabbing a few as he spoke.

“So did you find the person who gave you the basket?” He asked, an amused smile on his face.

“No! I’ve been asking around but nobody knows anything. It’s so random-cute, but random.”

“Yeah-definitely”

———————————————————————

A few days later, I once again walked into my dressing room and saw three new books. All books that I had been dying to get but didn’t really have the time or money for. I picked up the books in disbelief, flipping through the pages in pure shock.

“Oh my God, who-“ I mumbled, opening the dressing room door, books in hand, and went to Emma’s dressing room.

I knocked on the door, hearing a muffled “come in!” I opened the door, the shock still evident on my face as I held up the books to show the girl.

“You know those books I was talking about the other day?” I asked, placing them in front of her in the table.

“Yeah, you finally got them?” She asked, picking up one of the books and flipping through the pages before turning to the back cover and reading the synopsis.

“No! They were just in my dressing room when I got here.” I said, to which she stopped and turned to me.

“Seriously?!” She asked, going through the other books, surprise on her face alongside something else that I couldn’t quite place.

“Yeah, i have no clue”

———————————————————————

About of few weeks later of asking around and staying up to the wee hours of the night, I still couldn’t figure out who was leaving me all these gifts.

Some day, it would be candy.

Another, it would coffee or my favorite juice.

Every now and then, it would be my favorite food.

Even small stuffed animals.

Things that meant so much to me, the little details. All I wanted to do was find the person just to thank them, maybe even repay them.

———————————————————————

I had gotten to the theater a little earlier than usual, and was currently listening to music with my headphones, while journaling.

I saw the door open out of the corner of my eye, and felt a presence next to me. I turned my head, thinking it was one of the dressers.

To my surprise, it was Jason. With a basket full of all my favorite things combined.

We stared at each other, shock on my face, the look of being caught on his. It was silent, before I spoke out.

“ITS BEEN YOU ALL THIS TIME?!”

———————————————————————

After explaining why he did what he did and calming me down, Jason handed the basket to me. And I couldn’t help but blush and smile.

“For me?”

———————————————————————-

Authors Note: hi guys!! I literally do not want to go to school tmr-I’ll cry. Please keep sending requests!!!

[ecargmura]

My New Boss Is Goofy Episode 7 Review - And They Were Roommates

Before I start the review, I want to let you know something about the rest of this show’s episodes. Dan Ichikawa, the author of this story, left a note on their Twitter page about how the show already caught up to the manga, so starting this episode forth will be anime original content. I never read the manga, so I’m not too sure how many more chapters of original content there are, but this entire episode is actually anime original. I hope this can ease your confusion, if you had any. Now, onto the review.

Oh gosh, they are roommates now. I think this is the most peaceful I’ve seen Momose throughout the show. He really did need that new change in environment to heal once and for all. He won’t change instantly and he’s still fidgety every now and then, but I can see a huge improvement compared to previous episodes. The dynamic between Momose and Shirosaki have become more domestic now that they’ve become roommates. There’s this intimacy between them that is there, but they probably don’t know about it. They seriously do behave as if they just started dating; maybe they’ll skip over the dating and head straight to marriage towards the end of the show. Heck, they could probably get accidentally married too!

I’m glad that Momose finally opened up and told Shirosaki about his time at his previous workplace. Some of my readers commented on my review of the previous episode that workplace harassment is all too common in Japan; in fact, one of them did say that having your boss show up at your doorstep is common in the Japanese work force! That’s so scary! I’m glad that Momose finally took a step forward and quit his job. Had he continued working there, he’d probably die from overwork and stress. I was a bit nervous when Momose headed back to his previous residence, but I’m glad that nothing bad happened and it was just him overthinking and Shirosaki coming to check up on him.

Shirosaki’s goofiness is as adorable as always, but it’s funny how living with Shirosaki has now affected Momose in a way too. The part where Shirosaki was washing rice and then wondering how much cups he used is practically me! One time, I was washing rice and then after washing, I was like ‘Did I put in enough sweet rice’ and pondered about it as the rice started cooking. Also, the part where Shirosaki was trying to get the wrap unpeeled is relatable. That has happened to me with wrap and tape; in fact, in regards to tape, it has happened to me earlier this week. I was trying to return some items, but the post office didn’t have free tape, so I had to buy some. When I tried using tape, it took me a few minutes to try and find where the tape end was and it took another few minutes for me to get it unraveled. Why do transparent things have to be hard to get out?

Maybe it’s because Hakutou has only been seen interacting with Shirosaki, but I think that he took an instant liking to Momose the moment he moved in. Compared to how it took an entire episode for Hakutou to warm up to Shirosaki, it only took a day for Hakutou to be spoiled by Momose. Maybe it’s because of the time the cat spent with his owner that got Hakutou warmed up to humans, but given that the cat is such a tsundere, I would assume he’d have a hard time getting used to other people too. I’m glad that’s not the case, because Momose does seem like the type of person animals would love due to his gentle aura. I think it’s super cute how Hakutou likes Momose so much that he’d give him his treasures so easily. Both men are now Hakutou’s dads. It’s an irreversible contract now.

Kinjou and Aoyama are still their adorable selves. Kinjou is all super jealous that Momose and Shirosaki are living together while Aoyama is bummed out that he has a house built for two people but no one wants to move in with him. Despite Aoyama’s neediness, I do like that Aoyama is still considerate as he told Shirosaki to go home as he knew Momose would be waiting. He’s such a nice guy; when will he hook up with Kinjou?

It was nice learning about Shirosaki too. He has an older brother who used to live with him but now lives abroad and his family are rice farmers. That’s so cool to know! I hope to learn more about Momose too! Do you think Momose will stay with Shirosaki longer than he intends? Also, the plot twist with the ghost reaching out to use shampoo was so unexpected! I didn’t expect the ghost to be as silly as Shirosaki too! What are your thoughts about this episode overall?

[author-chan06]

The Copy Club! The Plot

Chapter 4—

The Final Chapter

— Is Now Out!

Here: The Copy Club! The Plot

The final chapter of this story! Man I worked on this for weeks, trying to make sure I didn’t mess any of this last installment up ahah

If you’re wondering why I didn’t post about the others when you they were posted, it’d because, well, I hadn’t made this account yet. And I’m not even going to try and go back and do so, I have so many stories that it would end up just being spam, and it probably would take a long time anyway. So while I’ll be posting about my stories here now when I post them on ao3, if you want to see any of the older stuff then just go ahead and look at my ao3 account.

Also News!

I’m just gonna post what my ao3 authors note says as it explains things pretty well I think:

“As a matter of fact, I already have quite a few ideas, and one series that is already on here. So that will be the next thing I’ll be focusing on. That series being: Writings That (Probably) Should Have Stayed Private (But Didn't). Which is— go figure— also going to be revolving around Roman. But it’s from the perspective of the other sides! Mainly Patton, but I might add others. Not sure yet as I’m still prewriting some of it and debating some of the the ideas I want to add. I’ve gotten some of the next part written, though, that I need to edit. So it shouldn’t take a long time to have the next part done. Or the part after that one either. Which means it shouldn’t be long before I can start posting them.

If you’re interested you can go on over and see what the series looks like so far and look at the series notes for what it will be become (and there will be quite a bit of poetry in it, if that’s something that you like) But, anywho, I have an announcement to make!

The end of the school year is here! Which means, of course, projects and finals for me! Yay ^^; And I will unfortunately have less time to write and edit and do all the things that allow me to post on here [ao3] regularly. (Like I have a really big project for one of my classes that, even though though I have a B in that class, could tank my grade if I do bad!) So for that, and so that I will have some time to work on writing more of the series and my backlog, I will not be posting for a while.

I’m going to be having a short, about two month long, hiatus.

This hiatus will last until July 5th, when I will be posting the first chapter of the next part of the series I was talking about, and also posting another shorter story that I’ve been thinking about for a while now.

(Also! I have a new tumblr!

https://www.tumblr.com/author-chan06

I take requests. So if you want some type of story don’t hesitate to send them to my inbox! They will be looked at and or published, depending on when I want to write them, after the hiatus is over with

And during the hiatus I will definitely still be posting to tumblr— these posts will include how prewriting and writing for things are going, with my next series and my more long term fics and some oneshots I have in the works. And some headcanons and some writing requests I get, if I get some, over there. I might even post some snippets of the upcoming fics I was talking about! So if you’re curious about any of that, then go check it out!)”

But yeah. So a hiatus from ao3. Like it said, I’ll still be posting here. I just won’t have the time for the consistency I want for ao3. But in the meantime! If you have any headcanon requests or just requests in general for any of the ships or fandoms I like, please send them! Talk about my stories/ideas with me, talk about your stories/ideas with me, talk about my ships, talk about your ships! I’m really obsessing over Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss right now, so if you want something from those, or if you want to talk about that, I will probably be *extra* ecstatic and willing to do those!

Anywho! If I don’t end this now, I’ll just ramble forever ahah, so see you soon, darling readers~! <3 <3

[dreamerwriternstargazer]

Time to walk home from work

After teaching an extra hour I normally spend on break (making up for a missed class)

Alhamdulilah sending the parents a message seems to have made a difference in these particular students, but will have to see for sure as today was mostly a note taking class on content I had to teach them. The test will be next week when I check whether they’ve done homework or whether they can focus on the independent work they need to do in class. Insha’Allah they should be okay though they did some independent work today and though they took ages they seemed to be focused

Something I’ve noticed recently, I think for the first time in a while I’ve been enjoying teaching again. And it’s not this specific class that’s messed with my head I think it’s just been the general busy life stuff that’s been getting in the way of it, I’ve been seeing it as just a job I have to do. It’s odd I don’t know how to explain it, but I’ve felt dissociated a lot more often, probably due to burn out.

Mentioning it because despite the very bad mental day I’m having it was one positive thing that’s been making me feel a bit better, it’s not really a case of the quality of my teaching either but I feel less detached and therefore I feel better and more present. More alert and inquisitive myself about what I’m teaching. Even though I was so excited last term about what I was teaching and my creativity in making the slides, afterwards I think it took a toll with everything else and I’ve been sort of… out of it for the past few weeks. Alhamdulilah though since last week I’ve definitely fallen back into the groove of it.

And it feels important to document that because I… while I have this really nice little spark, I also have a really big black cloud in my head right now. A torrent of hail and pain and it’s so odd

To feel this mix of relief and a spark of happiness because I feel right about something… in the middle of feeling so wrong and messed up about everything else. I don’t even quite understand my thought process in documenting it I guess just to remind myself… there’s good bits even in the really really bad bits. Even in the self destructive bits, which I feel like right now, and I feel very ashamed of because it’s over something so small and yet tumultuous in my mind. Something else I needed to document also

*sighs and shakes head* I gotta walk home, and cook and everything. Going to give myself some painting time tonight Insha’Allah

I need it

[flownwrong]

ask game yay

Happy Wincest Wednesday! (or Sunday in this case) I have a few questions for people to answer. Feel free to answer them all or just one (or none at all) even if you’re not tagged!

what song describes samdean the most?

man. i used to have a painstakingly crafted playlist with like narrative and all but it's been rendered obsolete in the couple years since by the change in both my taste and my perception of them. if i had to choose one right now, i'd go with you and i in unison by la dispute, because la dispute are 1) good poetry 2) good at longing and devotion 3) this particular song is about grief but not loss of love so it feels like a post-finale song (i encourage you to listen or read the full lyrics)

I will sing sweetly, hope that the notes change but

I do not need it to happen. I’m not resigned to it. And

If they never do I’ll sing your name in every line

Just like I did throughout this, just like I’ve always done

In every gun, the empty church, and every tortured son

In all those giving up, in all those giving in

Until I die I will sing our names in unison

my other go-to artists for them would be mount eerie and, ig, townes

if spn was set in europe, what country would the Winchesters be from? What language/languages would they speak (+ what car would they drive if not the impala, kinda)

haha okay i don't have any strong headcanons but i can tell you about a specific russian au we had going with friends and even meant to ttrpg the setting a little but it never worked out

dean was driving an old volga gaz-21 third series (which might have connotations that do not need exploring at this juncture but i'm actually very bad at both cars and soviet history lol) which would be pretty damn cool if lovingly maintained all the way from 60s to 2005 and of course dean would call it "lastochka" (a common endearment for beloved cars) only i have no idea how possible it would be for hypothetical john to get one in the first place

and he wouldn't really have grown up on bootlegs of western music so much as the likes of Kino and maybe even Grazhdanskaya Oborona which was weird af but also massively beloved across different classes subcultures and backgrounds so

talking monsters of the week, i'd love to see their ass kicked by a rusalka (mermaid but creepier) or even a domovoy for comedy (those are generally helpful but mischievous) and get into all kinds of trouble with an array of superstitions while helping the babushkas who give the superstitions power by relying so strongly on them, especially in little villages...

is there a project you’re working on currently? Do you have a line or sketch from it to share?

maybe? i hope to rework one of my longer wips into a short but finished (god please) fic but don't hold your breath

what’s the first fanfic for supernatural you’ve written? Did you publish it? Or if you don't write: what's the first fanfic you remember reading?

yeah, i've published it. was for first-time fest, where you picked an episode and did a first-time. coincidentally, i was going through my drafts and found a 2+ years old reblog of it i never posted, so since i didn't even reblog it for timezones then, have a link now (if you read it and like it feel free to reblog this blast from the past haha)

is there another codependent/enmeshed duo from a different fandom you enjoy? Are there parallels to Sam and Dean?

jesus. dunno, i don't think so? they have quite a unique combo of wholesome/dark/devoted

what type of wincest dynamic do you currently enjoy most? (sexual, platonic, dark, fluffy, early seasons, etc.)

the same one i've always enjoyed most — late seasons kind of bittersweet but securely established relationship vibe (in spirit of self-promotion, do check out my ao3 for more of the same haha!)

tagging whoever wants to be tagged etc etc. @prince-of-elsinore tysm for tagging me—it was fun!

[minseologs]

what goes around pt.1

ft. Ryunosuke @/blindryu

“I have to pick up some souvenirs for him as well if anything, maybe you can pick up some items for your person as well.” Ryunosuke chuckles, humor extrudes sarcasm as they walk the grounds of her house in Hokkaido. It was private, yet held a feeling that was too recluse. “Damn— I’m hungry.”

“Yeah— well, it’s maybe if I actually see him this week...” She responds stiffly, though she found humor in her suffering too. “By the way, might fully buy another land property in Yokohama so we’re not so far up north— what do you th—“

“—Were you expecting visitors?”

His attentiveness earned a few seconds to jump away from bullets that suddenly ricochet near their feet, himself using his body and protect her to run them back inside the property. Multiple armed men tread across the garden to approach as it took her mere moments to return in a calmer state, immediately taking her phone out for help.

“It’s Minseo… ambush at the Hokkaido property, send back up.”

Rushing through the halls, Ryunosuke buys time by ensuring doors were closed despite the traditional home having frail architecture and provided obstacles for the men to slow down. There hasn’t been a word uttered since, but trusted Minseo knew what to do. He only follows suit when she makes a stop in the living room, gaze following her as she uses the heel of her shoe to destroy the tatami beneath their feet, and began digging the straw out to reveal an organized infantry. “Really—?? Now??”

“I mean— unless you want to die here, yes—now.“ She loads an automatic rifle and hands it over, himself aiming and ensuring that it was of standard. Minseo took a belt of throwing knives in her favor as they hear footsteps approach. “Stay alive for 20 minutes… they’ll meet us out back.” Her voice hushed along with her footsteps, she plans to attack at the opposing end.

Ryunosuke was no stranger in this world. Skillful on his own way, he aimed through the partition doors with an intent to protect themselves. One can assume his shadow is seen from the otherside before a rain of bullets pierce through the fusuma, followed by bodies attempting to hurt him. Knowing he’s her current responsibility, Minseo makes a run through a connecting hall, taking one man with immediate close combat. He aims towards Ryunosuke, but it swiftly raised upwards with her quick thinking— though not quick enough as she was slammed to the wall with a heavy kick. Her chest had gasped for air, but manages to throw a knife to his knees. The suffering was ended with one bullet from Ryunosuke’s. Stealing a firearm, she leads the way out to the garden, but is met with warning shots once again.

“There’s no way you don’t know these people…” his voice grunts, feeling his cheek scratched now that he’s calm. He notices Minseo hunched with a hand on her chest, panicking as he noticed blood dripping from her lips. “Come on— can you not get hurt for five fucking seconds?!”

“I’ve been a little rough since the accident but I’m managing.” It tasted like dirt and iron in her mouth that she needed to spit out every remnant of it. It was quite painful, but took note that if they gave up now, there will be death between them. Or both. “I don’t know, an angry mob? There’s always somebody want me dead. I’ll figure it out later. Just please— try not to find answers now—“

He wanted to fight it, really. Worrying about the state of her well-being since taking over her father’s businesses. Ryunosuke knew better, so he had always been the one to never question. Observing far but still cared. Very much. His thought breaks hearing steps of gravel outside.

“I counted three more so it shouldn’t be bad. There’s probably more in the car. We’re 10 minutes out. ” He checks the barrel quickly, herself mimicking the one she obtained from the enemy. “Ready?”

“Ready.”

Minseo heads out first, Ryunosuke providing support from the behind as he skillfully shot every single one that came for them. She immediately uses the shrubberies of the garden for cover, unable to assist him at the moment to see where her command was. It didn’t look too good as the suspected armed troop left a vehicle. They were outnumbered by seven, and he was running out of options. It felt as if time wasn’t on their side. Went on and on until focus shifts on someone else.

“Minseo— we can’t stay here—!”

“I’m trying—! Just get out of the property— run for it!!“

On a brighter note, it didn’t appear neither of them had gotten close to being shot. Unable to help him at the moment, her plan was to steadily run to the gates in hopes that someone from her side was there for help. But bullets threatened her path, turning around to use the only gun she had for distraction. It had aimed for one enemy, but in the midst of chaos, Ryunosuke stands in the line of fire. A bullet hits the back of his shoulder and follows through the otherside. Suspended horror was on her face seeing him fall to the ground. An agonizing shriek of his name was heard before silence blankets them for what seemed like an eternity.

Something in her breaks again. As though it’s been waiting for a moment to snap. She feels hot with rage. Minseo suddenly can only see one track, and that was to do harm. It didn’t account the surroundings as she uses her body to block anything that may hinder Ryunosuke’s chances of survival. That is if he still had a pulse. She grabs the rifle from his hands and slaughtered anything that moved. The adrenaline of seeing bodies drop in a split moment almost costed her help, when her own team finally showed up to assist. The only thing to bring her back from her rampage was a soft call.

“Seo—“ scuffed hands grabs the back of her coat, and all she saw were his hands tinted heavily with rogue blood. “Minseo—“

The first thing that came to mind was her son. The feeling was all too familiar. The place. The time. The situation. Jinwoo, it’s okay… Minseo grips his hand, trying to help with anything she could as they were being transported to safety. You’ll be okay, Jinwoo. It was fortunate it was his right shoulder. He would’ve met instant death if the bullet entered the left and followed through his chest.

“Why … are you looking … at me like that…?” Ryunosuke asks, his eyes fall heavy. He weakly squeezes her hand. “We’re fi…ne …”

For some reason she couldn’t make out his face: her body felt numb as ringing in her ears were muffled with commands. She could feel someone dragging her but held on tight and refused to be separated from him. It felt reminiscent of something that had happened before, and her heart beat couldn’t catch with breathing fast enough. Her head felt light and she couldn’t stop looking at the bullet wound.

Right… it’s gonna be okay.

[longhands-the-second]

Trimax Vol. 4

I am reading ahead and I’m going to chew and swallow copious amounts of glass

1- Girl me too.

OH! My food questions are finally being answered!

I wonder how long that signal takes to get there? Seeds left something like 200 years ago, right? I wanna check but I fear looking it up will spoil shit

That’s ominous as fuck. This manga is way too long for that to go remotely well.

Either way I appreciate the casual clothes- never knew I needed to see them like that lol.

I’m surprised we don’t get more of a reaction from our main cast? They just look mildly pleased. I figured there’d be more fanfare.

Also, where’s that post that says “stop reading after this point” so no bad feels. I know it’s out there.

FUCKING UH OH

God love Vash and his way of just. Ghosting people.

I appreciate how far Brad has come in such a short time.

Starting with a bang this time around! I sure hope nothing bad happens! That would be terrible!

2- something something midvalley has that ‘tism swag

It really, honestly freaks me out when I see manga knives. He genuinely looks like his brother here- and I’ve gotten so used to trusting that face. Points for making me incredibly uncomfortable.

See, this is what i was fucking missing in 98. This is gripping. I love this. What the fuck.

The girls actually had me laughing out loud. I love them dearly. Where the fuck did they get a car

3- they’re so mean (affectionate)

I’m not quite sure I understand the unspoken part here? It could be a few things idk idk

Meryl has some kind of vibe about her- maybe like haruhi? It’s probably just the hair, but her relationship to femininity is interesting to me.

EW EW EW UGHHHHHHHH i hate eye shit so bad-

Vash is more chill about the girls following him around now? Good for them. Hope it doesn’t go horribly wrong.

I feel like there’s so much to say about this interaction that it circles around to being too dense for me to understand on a first read. Might come back to this later.

Well. Meryl’s been snatched. Didn’t think that would be this early. (<- got spoiled about this)

4- holy shit poor milly

I love that shit like. Involves Meryl in a meaningful way. However it would be nice if she had just a little more agency-

Oh he’s fucking LIVID. Man’s had it. I can’t blame him.

Based milly moment

5-*blaring careless whisper*

OKAY I stopped taking notes for the chapter because I was so into it. This is wonderful. It is also the first time I’ve legitimately enjoyed a fight scene on it’s own merits.

6- what a fucking tease. God damn it. Finish the fucking flashback, coward.

I am done taking notes now. I will reread later and actually have coherent thoughts.

7- Holy fuckinhg shit. I am going to read another volume.

(He did not, in fact, read another volume. This was not because of self control ((god forbid)), but circumstances. Put that guy in a Situation. Anyway starting monday i have all the free time in the world but first i am speedrunning a vash cosplay in a week.)

(I AM SPREADING THE GOOD WORD! I converted my whole friend group to the church of trigun this weekend and i may get one of them in on bookclub.)

[linzsaw]

75 HARD: day one

[x] read 10 pages - Atomic Habits

[x] 45 minute workout outside - AM outdoor walk

[x] 45 minute workout inside - PM arms + elipitical

[x] gallon of water

[x] followed diet - high protein: protein pancakes, Mexican veggie bowl for lunch, protein shake, banana, brownie and nuts for snacks, and tonight's dinner included Lemon Basil Turkey Meatballs & Creamy rice

[x] took progress photo - good thing I remembered to do this after a big meal :)

[x] no alcohol - nope, and in fact I was pretty ready to give it up and didn't even drink on NYE. I had my last drink on Christmas and not sure I'll ever go back.

Today was a huge success and I'm feeling accomplished! I honestly was in a bit of a rut for the month of December after coming back from Thailand and feeling quite broke and worn out. It felt really amazing to get back into a routine again. I set myself up pretty well for this challenge. They say that New Year’s resolutions are kind of out of place because goal setting should really begin in spring, and that this is a time for rest. I fully get that and support those who are participating in a relaxing period. For me, though, I’ve always done really well when I set my goals at the top of the year. I think monthly check-ins to make sure you’re following your set goals is crucial though! I think having a visual like a vision board or creating a Mind Movie works so well. The background on my phone is a vision board I made a while back and I’ve accomplished almost everything on it. This year, I plan to create a Mind Movie and I’m really excited! If you’re not familiar, these are short videos that you design yourself to get your mind in peak 'manifesting' mode, that you watch first thing in the morning and last thing at night. The idea is to see yourself as having whatever you want now, played out in the movie with hertz frequencies in the background. The goal is to get excited about your dreams, to stop focusing on what is and envision on how you want your life to be.

Preparation

This last week I spent some time collecting recipes, I wrote down all the things I'd like to do daily and weekly, made a workout schedule and plan, and organized a system for how to realistically accomplish these tasks/goals. I also did an intention setting ceremony last night with Yoga Girl's annual podcast which I absolutely love.

On NYE my love and I went out to eat at one of our favorite Italian restaurants and I drank a delicious mocktail that had blackberry, mint, agave, and soda water. I was definitely in bed before midnight (MST) but I did watch the balldrop on tiktok live and got my new years kiss lol. I think this was another way I set myself up for success, just knowing that I did not want to start off the new year hungover. It's not worth it to me and I've really outgrown that poison.

I wondered how well I would do with the outdoor workout with it being winter, but honestly it was really refreshing to jump out of bed and force myself to get outside. The cold woke me up and it was a great start to the day. I listening to a walking meditation. The last time I did this consistently, I very quickly quantum leaped into my dream career from a very depressing job, I passed the ASWB licensing exam by a landslide, and I started my UGC side gig career which has also been quite a success! I'm seriously so damn excited to see how life can get even better than it already is.

The self-development book I started reading is called Atomic Habits by James Clear, and I can already tell I'm gonna love it. I've heard such good things about it. It's about how to build good habits and break bad ones, noting that tiny changes in your day to day life can have a huge impact on your life long-term, whether good or bad. Here's a quote from the book that stood out to me today:

"The impact created by a change in your habits is similar to the effect of shifting the route of an airplane by just a few degrees. Imagine you are flying from Los Angeles to New York City. If a pilot leaving from LAX adjusts the heading just 3.5 degrees south, you will land in Washington D.C. instead of New York. Such a small change is barely noticeable at takeoff- the nose of the airplane moves just a few feet--but when magnified across the entire United States, you end up hundreds of miles apart."

Thanks for tuning into my journey! Can't wait to see the transformation both physically and mentally.

[kindheart525]

Warning: Discussions of Disordered Eating Behavior

~~~~~~~~~~

Triple Threat sat across from her therapist, seated in the same armchair where she had gone through tense family therapy sessions and difficult retellings of moments from her past. For the past few weeks she had to go through quite a bit of deep reflection, which was very uncomfortable despite her understanding that it was good for her in the long run.

Today her therapist was in a chipper mood, which meant there was either really good news or more soul-searching in store for TT. 

“I’ve been looking at your nutrition charts and you’ve made remarkable progress since you were admitted!”

She pulled out a few charts and TT instantly started to feel a bit hesitant. Not repulsed like she had a few weeks ago, but food was still a touchy subject.

It wasn’t that her therapist didn’t see this, but they both knew TT couldn’t dance around it any longer. But she was positive as she directed her client’s gaze towards some specific charts.

“Your doctors have reported your vitals are much better than when you were admitted. Your heart rate and blood pressure are much closer to normal. Your muscle and body mass is recovering nicely too.”

TT looked at the chart labeled “weight” and had to consciously stop herself from feeling badly about it when she noticed the line going up. But still she pointed at it and uttered,

“This is good, right?”

“Yes, all of it is good. Very good.”

Her therapist smiled comfortingly, sensing her concern.

“You should be very proud of yourself, Triple Threat.”

As they sat there for a moment, TT had to admit to herself that this was true. From what she’d heard from other patients, she could have been a lot worse off, but still it was a big deal for her when she once thought she’d never get better at all. Now she was more confident she would make it through, like she already was starting to.

Then the therapist leaned back and started digging through her bags.

“Your doctors can tell you a lot more than I can. I’m just repeating what’s on the charts. We’re going to try something new today.”

She pulled a new form from one of her folders and attached it to a clipboard, holding it out to the young mare.

“What’s this?”

“This is a little rating game, so to speak. Just note whether you think each of these foods is good or bad, by circling the green check or red X. Don’t overthink it too much.”

She passed TT a pen and the young mare obliged.

The first few seemed obvious to her.

Ice cream? Bad.

Salad? Good, if you didn’t count what they served at the cafeteria.

Cake? Definitely bad.

She then took the clipboard from her therapist’s outstretched hoof so she could concentrate more on her answers.

Mangoes? Like all fruits, they had a lot of sugar, but she had been taught that it was a good kind of sugar.

Soda? Definitely bad. Easy.

Bread? It was made of wheat and grain which were good, but it also had an awful lot of carbs. That one was tricky.

After mulling over her answers for a bit she finally finished and passed the clipboard back over to her therapist.

“I’m done.”

“You were very thorough with that,”

Her therapist mused as she read over the answers.

Now what?

She waited for a moment until her therapist spoke up again.

“Why did you circle X for ice cream?”

TT was a little perplexed by this question, it seemed like the answer should have been obvious.

“Well, it’s got a lot of sugar, not to mention too much fat and cholesterol. Especially if you count it with everything else…”

She started to feel like she was failing some sort of test, talking about food this way. Even if she did believe what she was saying. So she added,

“It’s okay for special occasions like birthdays, right? But I wouldn’t make a habit out of it. I’d really watch my intake of those types of things, it’d only be a ‘couple times a year’ situation.”

She gestured towards the clipboard.

“Which is also why I circled those other things. If I wasn’t careful it could really damage my health in…multiple ways.”

Triple Threat was trying not to fall back into the cycle of worrying about her weight, especially now that she knew how it felt to not have eaten enough for too long. So that’s why she focused so much on her overall health, though deep down it was about her weight as well.

“Do you find yourself thinking about that a lot?”

“Yes—especially more recently, but like I’ve said before I was also very aware of it as a filly. I was definitely too young to worry as much as I did, and even now I know I really shouldn’t have just stopped eating. But you’ve got to think about your choices a little bit, don’t you?”

"In your opinion, how much of your time spent thinking about what you eat, is too much?"

This question changed everything, TT was downright surprised to hear it framed like this. It was true but she had never thought about it that way.

Her silence was enough of an answer for her therapist to go on.

“Of course it’s important to include all of the food groups in your diet. You can enjoy everything in moderation—but moderation doesn’t mean severely restricting certain foods to once or twice a year. You’re even writing off foods that are perfectly normal and not considered ‘junk food,’ like bread.” 

“Maybe I did exaggerate a bit,” 

TT admitted.

“But what was wrong with my answer to bread?” 

“I’m sure you’re thinking about the carbs, as many do, but carbs are not the only reflection of health—bread also contains plenty of essential vitamins and minerals, some of which are important for maintaining your eyes, hair, and hooves.” 

This was true. It really didn’t make her healthier or thinner at all to cut certain foods out, TT realized upon reflection. In all truthfulness, all along she had been more concerned with being skinny than being healthy.

“In fact, research has shown that identifying certain foods as ‘bad’ will make you crave them more, kind of like a forbidden fruit. If you approach everything with neutrality or even positivity, you could develop a more balanced relationship with it.”

“That does make sense…I’ve always loved ice cream sandwiches, but I love the berries that grow in the spring just as much. But I think about the ice cream sandwiches a lot more, I really miss when I could just eat them without a care.”

“You can again, in time.”

“But what if I end up eating too much?”

“Obsessing over your meals will not help you. Beating yourself down after every dessert or snack won’t do anything other than make you feel bad about yourself.”

Her therapist paused and pondered a bit.

“Also, your diet is not the only thing that can determine your health. Exercising has plenty of benefits, such as stronger muscles, a healthier heart, sharper mind, improved sleep, and so much more. Even just a few minutes of dancing can do wonders. And I’ll bet you’ve done plenty of that on the stage, right?”

The stage.

It had been so long since she set hoof in the theatre, since she even thought of it beyond how much it tore her down. But she had to admit she did feel a certain euphoria after dancing her heart out in a show she was passionate about. 

Suddenly she longed to get back to that.

“And you needn’t worry about eating too much.”

Her therapist continued.

“Your body will tell you when it’s full.”

“But how am I going to get to that point?”

TT could feel the pressure mounting on her as she thought of just how much recovery was left.

“How am I going to undo an issue I’ve been dealing with for years? It’s just so much, I can’t even begin to think about my career or whatever I’ll do after getting discharged when I’m dealing with this.” 

“We’ll break it down. We can develop some coping strategies and mindful exercises for you to do long after you leave here. You’ll get there, I promise.”

Triple Threat started to feel reassured knowing that it wasn’t so impossible after all.

“Just one step at a time.”

~~~~~~~~~~

Previous: Oh Honey Next: Maudsley Method

[cloudcountry]

Ooo, I’ll keep that piece of Ikevamp lore in mind!! 👀 Thank you! >w<

While I was around for the Zero hype, I only saw some of it— I don’t know the full extent of how down bad you are for him, but then again, you’ve made him your profile picture, so maybe I should already have a good sense of it jkdfngk— /j /lh

And speaking of Ikevamp!! I wrote a little bit for that Beethoven fic, but I only made discombobulated bits and pieces kjdfgn— If you don’t mind, I’ll share two snippets,,! 👀👉👈 (Tbh, the fic isn’t going to drop in a fairly long time because I don’t have much time to work on it, unfortunately,, It’s a bit messy, and these are kinda loose ideas, so they’re not final, but I hope you like them regardless!)

~~~

Ludwig van Beethoven, seven years old: *he and his father, Johann, are on their way to the music hall where Ludwig will give his debut performance*

Ludwig: Papa? How many people will be there?

Johann: Quite a few, but don’t be nervous. Remember what we’ve practiced, and you’ll be alright. Many musicians I know will be there as well. I will introduce you to them after your performance; they’re quite influential! I’m sure they’ll take a liking to you.

Ludwig: *he hums in response* *thankfully for Ludwig, whether it was due to his youth or confidence, he didn’t feel nervous like many others would before their debut performance*

Johann: Oh, and Ludwig? From now on, you will address me as ‘Father.’ All the other children call their fathers ‘papa,’ and you are no ordinary child. You are not like them. You are far more brilliant, far more talented; the next Mozart!

Ludwig: Yes… Father. *he presses his lips together; the word sounded odd on his tongue, but if Johann wanted him to call him that, he would. If not because he wanted to make his father proud, then if only because he didn’t want his father to be mad at him - he had a terrible temper, after all*

(Time Skip - Beethoven, now an adult, is slowly losing his hearing)

Those ringings in Ludwig’s ears were like the death knells of a church bell. They signalled the impending doom of his hearing, and whenever they rang their high-pitched intonations, everything sounded just a little further away. It wouldn’t be long until he felt like his head was submerged underwater; everything sounded distant and far away. Even now, as he played the piano in his room, he needed to strain his ears to properly hear the tune he was creating.

He closed his eyes to focus the entirety of his senses on the sound from the piano. As he squeezed his eyes shut tighter, he felt his growing despair gnaw at his heart. 

Music can change the world. He believed that as a child, and even now, he still did with his whole heart. So why was it that the music was falling silent?

It should have been my eyesight, Ludwig thought. But then how would he be able to write down his music if he couldn’t see?

It should have been his sense of taste, he reasoned. Food was nothing more but mere sustenance to him, anyway. He couldn’t even find joy in eating his favorite food anymore. He was a musician, Ludwig thought bitterly. The vibrant music he heard and produced were his food, the fruits of his labour, his love, his passion. If he couldn’t even have that, what else was there?

~~~

Oh, but I do have one more Ikevamp question!! You said that pureblooded vampires can bring people back to life as lesser vampires; is Comte a pureblooded vampire? I tried checking the fandom wikipedia, but the categorisation on him confused me nmfgbd 💀 Oh, and also,, does it say in the game how tall the MC is? Because I tried estimating her height out of curiosity judging from CGs, and she’s,,, REALLY short 💀 Like, she’s either 4’11 or 5’0 in the CGs I’ve seen 💀 5’1 if we really want to stretch it- Which is kind of a shame, because I was hoping that MC could be the same height/taller than Beethoven JFGGBFB

On one last note!! Next week I have to perform an original monologue with a character who has a god complex kfjghb- I hope I do decent,, TwT  Also!! My birthday’s coming up soon! :D

[Oh, and before I forget- I’ve written down a bunch of random TWST thoughts/ideas,, Would you like me to drop them,,? 👀👉👈]

Jackdaw Anon 🐦

AAAAA NO YOU DONT UDNERSTANDNDN &%$^!@$^%!@$^!@%$@! ZERO IS SO . HE IS EVERTTHI9GN .. GHES SO GERAT HES REALLY JUST SP GREAT . HES SUCH A HARD WORKING ERSON AND EVEN THOUGH I WISH HE DIDNT HAVE TO WORK SO HARD FOR THRE ASONS HE WORKS SO HARD HES ASO RELIABLE ANYWAY AND THAT MAKES HIM SO AMAZING AND I LOVE HOW SQWWEET AND STRONG AND WONDERFUL AND DETERMINED HE IS, HES WORKED SO HARD TO BE WHERE HE IS NOW AND HE OPNE EDUP TO THE MC ENOUGH TO REALLY CONNECT WITH HER AND BECAUSE OF THAT HE GETS REWALLY BLUSHY SOMEOTHIMES AND ITS LITERALLY THE SWEETETS THING YOU COYLD EVER WITNESS BECAUSE HE DOESNT WANT TO LET HER GOP EEVEN THOUGH HE KNOWS HE HAS TO CEVNETUALLY AJHJSGHKAWDGKJFWESHILESFWHLJIUJEWRSFGHOYIU

beethoven is so kickass for that HES BOYBOSSING RN HELL YEAH GET THAT PIANO!!!!! ALSO YES comte is a pure blooded vampire, along with vlad and leonardo ^^ i checked the ewiki and it said greater vampire so i can see how that confused you LMAOOO

UR SO REALF OR THE MC SHORT THING.....ugh the on saving grace is that the avatars are basically the saem height (at least isaac and shakespeare are...theyre the only ones ive had in my room AHGSFD)

HAPPY EARLY BIRTHSAY OMG?!?!?!? I HOPE YOUR MONOOLOGUE GOES WELL!!!!!

ofc you should totally drop them C:<

[namboobieslover]

Kintsugi: the beauty of broken things || MYG

Chapter 3

Summary: Yoongi and Minnie have been friends for quite some time now, almost... 15 years? 15 years since they ran into each other in that music classroom by an unlucky (or not) mistake. They've grown close, but both of them have strong characters and insecurities that will have to be put aside when Minnie falls into her own lie, risking her job in the process. They have 3 days to feel comfortable and make everyone believe their role as the young engaged couple or she is fucked :[

Pairing: musical producer! Yoongi x lab tech/science nerdy! f reader au; non-idol! BTS members make a brief appearance

Genre: fluff, angst, kinda slow burn (?), best friends to fake couple au, constant unresolved sexual tension, two idiots too proud to openly speak but pinning each other

Warnings: use of bad language, mentions of insecurities/low self-esteem, anxiety, trauma; light use of weed, little smut if you scrutinize, SFW

Masterlist: 1 // 2 // 3 // 4 // 5 // 6 // 7 // 8 // 9 // ...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 3: We on, baby.

Word count: 2816

I wake up with a pounding headache as soon as I open my eyes in the morning.

-When will I learn to stop drinking? - I fumble to myself while holding my head between my hands.

Takes me more than it should but I finally get up, my reflection in the bathroom mirror remembering the bad choices of last night.

After a long shower, I feel again like a human being. After brushing my teeth the unsettling feeling in my stomach is gone.

I don't have much time to get ready, so I pick whatever clothing looks comfier and I start my way to the bus stop.

The trip gives me a few minutes to check my smartphone, answering some unread messages from family and friends but especially Yoongi.

The day goes slow, really slow. My eyes hurt when looking at the little samples through the microscope but the silence in the lab is exquisite. 1-1 in cons vs pros.

Even though my mind is a little foggy, it's a good evening. I'm able to keep a stable medium for the cells to grow and it seems like the replication of the environment is going as it should. Also, the culture I did to explore the possibilities of a virus as a treatment is growing nicely. My research is on the right path.

I finish around 9:30 pm thanks to all my good achievements and I'm really hungry.

The place I’ve chosen to order tonight's dinner it's the one with vegetarian burgers near my job; a lot of time has passed since the last time I ate here. I pick my favourite (the delicious plant-based), for Yoongi the one with veal and lastly, a portion of potatoes to share.

-Hi Minnie, how are you today? -the grandma who owns this place asks me- I haven't seen you for a long time; where have you been?

-I've been busy with work lately; my routine has been hectic.

-It's noticeable; you have lost weight and it is unusual to see you with eye bags. Aren’t you resting enough?

-More or less; it's a temporary situation. Hopefully next week things will come to their normal rhythm. But I really missed your food Mrs Lee -I speak honestly while pouting- You are the closest thing to my mother's food in this city.

-And you are my favourite client so please, come visit more even if it's just to have a coffee. I find all your science things interesting, as does my Sandra.

-How is she?

-She is studying every chance she has; your notes have helped her greatly. She also told me that you are available to answer her doubts.

-Yeah of course. It's an honour to be able to help another woman to infiltrate this amazing world that science is. Sadly there are fewer of us than it should be.

-I appreciate that so much… -she gets a little emotional at my words.

-What about you? How is it going with the knee replacement?

-Rest of my body it's still old but that knee seems like it has its own life. My younger grandson, Taeyang, says that I have become a transformer.

After a little more catch-up talk while food is in the making, I start my way to Yoongi’s apartment; 10 minutes away from here.

The walk is nice and feels super fast while listening to my favourite songs. Lately, that has been Namjoon 's latest álbum, Indigo. I swear, that man is a poet hiding behind his hip-hop style and a smoking hot body that seems little when he has a clumsy day. The lyricism of his songs makes my heart flutter and I'll never get tired of telling him.

One good thing about Yoongi's work is the fact that I'm able to meet new artists he is friends with, and learn about other cultures, influences and styles. He always introduces me to them and usually, it is really easy to be part of their little musician group even if I'm not that well instructed in that area. The group we all have is "pussycians" since half of those boys are afraid to let people get to know them (strangely that doesn't apply to one-night stands and I lectured them about it) and I'm a girl + a bunch of musicians boys. As you can tell, the last idea wasn’t mine but from Kim Seokjin, the older of us.

With "Still life" at its maximum level, I finally reach my best friend's door. I struggle a little but when I'm about to open it, it does by itself showing a dishevelled Yoongi. He scares me and I can't hear a word of what he is saying with the earphones on.

-Holy crap Yoongi, you scared me to death -I struggle to say still agitated while taking them off - one day you'll be the reason I end up with a heart attack.

-You were noisy; it's not my fault. You didn't listen because of the music. You'll be deaf before turning thirty if you don't stop using the highest level.

-Don’t you feel like, sometimes, with some songs, listening to them doesn't feel enough to you? Like… I wish every single note were able to enter my brain and scratch it internally till I can't think any more.

-Umm… I guess -he agrees with me a little confused, but entertained.

I enter his house with him closing the front door after me. I go directly to the small table that sits near the sofa; the usual place we eat instead of the main table.

-Which song was that good? -my friend asks while tearing the sleep away from his eyes.

-Namjoon's "Still Life". His latest álbum is incredible; you have hard competition, boy.

-Indigo is cool, but maybe I'm a little more into J-hope's "Jack in the Box". Kinda old school hip-hop, dark, rock vibes… but that's on my taste.

-Same but reverse for me, so I get you. I really like Hobi's main songs and even the intro with all the Pandora thingy or Equal Sign, but it doesn't exactly match my taste as a general artwork.

I unpack the food while talking about it and its smell makes my stomach roar.

-Is this from Mrs Lee's place? -Yoongi asks, finally awakened.

-Yeah. Told me to send you greetings in her name.

-Oh, she is so nice… Is her knee okay?

-Perfect. Little Tae told her that she is now half transformer.

-That kid is my favourite Mrs Lee grandchildren.

-Mine has to be Sandra.

-Of course you love her; she is a little you. Maybe not like you exactly; Sandra is less annoying.

He says that with a serious face, but after feeling my death glare, he can't help but smile arrogantly looking at his burger.

-I'm so glad I spilt on your food; I knew that sooner or later it would be handy and deserved.

-Don't worry honey boo-boo, nothing you do can disgust me -he answers mockingly knowing that I didn't commit such an act.

The rest of the dinner is chill. Some dating show on the TV and a light conversation about our jobs.

Once we finish the delicious food he offers me some dessert but I refuse. A little liquor some friend gifted him? Not that much. But it's understandable; it is a sweet creamy one that tastes heavenly.

-So…going straight to the point: let's talk about the plan.

-Well damn -I say almost choking on the drink- what do you wanna start with?

-Maybe…nicknames? That seems to be easiest between today's tasks -he says looking in a notepad.

-Is that a list?

-Of course. When we talked about it I took notes before forgetting due to alcohol.

-Let me see it.

"Free Minnie"

-I will ignore that name but you are an idiot Yoongles.

-○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○—○

"Free Minnie"

☆ 2-part plan

Day 1:

✅️ Partying together and pretending to be a couple.

✅️ Wearing clothes the other likes.

✅️ Getting used to holding hands and side hugging.

✅️ Getting comfortable being close to each other.

Day 2:

☑️  Accord lovey-dovey nicknames

☑️  Comfortably hug each other/being near/share the same vital space.

☑️  Practice:

Introducing each other

"Love story"

Pecks (????)  🤮🤮

-^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^---^

-Yeah, the nickname issue seems like the best fit for an appetiser. Do you have something in mind? -I answer kinda surpassed by all the tasks for today.

-For me or you?

-Whatever.

-What about calling you “my little pumpkin”?

-Are you kidding?

-No… Isn’t that what partners call each other? Some girls I dated read romance books where they talk like that.

-Well, I don't know. I never had that kind of relationship.

-Me neither.

We erupt in laughter. None of us has ever had a relationship that serious, meaning this stuff is new to us.

-Let’s start with me -I offer as an ice-breaker- I don’t know about what other people like, or you, but I’m not into clinging words. Pumpkin… is too much. I guess the better option is something on the classical side: honey, sweetheart or even Minnie since nobody calls me like that in my working environment. ‘’Babe’’ is acceptable if we feel comfortable enough with it.

-I’m not an affectionate person in speaking terms so…that’s perfect for me, honey.

I feel a slight shiver running down my body.

-Ugh, that felt weird without the sarcastic tone.

-To me too -he laughs- but we have to get used to it in less than 24 hours. Do you want another glass?

Then I realise that my drink is long finished. This liquor is truly dangerous.

-Yeah, this is delicious.

-It was a gift from one of Jimin’s travels. From the northwestern part of Spain if I’m not wrong.

-I envy him so much… he is always travelling.

-That day will come for us too, I’m sure -he declares while handing me the now filled (to the top) vase. He served himself some whiskey.

-You better be right Min Yoongi -I menace while gulping some of the hot liquid- Now… What about you? What are your chosen nicknames?

-It would be incredible if you called me “sexy monster” or something similar. That has one hundred per cent of probabilities to erase any type of doubt.

-If I ever get so drunk that the only option to get me sober is making me puke, repeat that phrase word by word, it will work.

He smacks my arm jokingly.

-Now, on a serious note… I like when you call me Yoongs, Yoongles or Yoon. And that also feels personal, don’t you think?

-Can do the work.

-I feel comfortable with babe or honey/handsome. But not baby; that’s a little cringe.

-I agree. I hate that.

-What’s the worst nickname someone has called you?

-Like… ever?

-Yeah.

-You are not ready for that, and I’m not drunk enough to say it out loud. Ask me later -I answer flustered with a playful wink.

-Don’t worry I won’t forget. Also… you tend to match inversely your lack of shyness with the alcohol level in your blood. This is going to be a fun night.

-Bla, bla, bla. Let’s keep going.

I take a bathroom rest that also allows me to change my contact lenses to the glasses. I don’t feel comfortable wearing them in public, so every day I deal with changing between both at my desk at the office of the lab, all to fulfil my work protocols and also my social anxiety. A routine I got during the pandemic time with the struggle of getting fog in the glasses due to the mask when sudden changes of temperature happen (such as entering a place, the bus…).

-I’m back, babe -I announce funnily stumbling a little with the rug’s verge. Seems like alcohol is silently doing its work- Let’s talk about how you fell in love with me.

He chokes on his drink.

-Yoongles, I was talking about the false love story.

-I know, I know. My brain is working a little slower than usual and it has a lot of things to process.

-I was thinking that keeping it real is the best. The easier, the better. You know how they say that the best lies contain some truth behind them. We can just keep the original first meeting and the school years like they were, but makeup something about college years.

-Like what?

-Aren’t you going to add something?

-Liberal arts -he excuses himself and shrugs- You are the brains, I’m the unpolluted taste. That’s how we always work, sweetheart.

I roll my eyes.

-We can explain that in the urge to reduce expenses, we decided to become flatmates. Living 24/7 made us realise that we are perfect for each other and it was difficult, but we took the step a year after. How many years are socially accepted to date before getting engaged?

-Two? -he answers, as lost as me.

-Maybe… four?

-Isn’t that a lot if we had met in high school?

-That’s true.

-What about three?

-Three is it. Who decided to take the first step in the process from friends to lovers?

-Maybe you? You have 0 patience and probably your colleagues know it… Honey.

-Yeah, sounds like me -I have to admit.

-About establishing a relationship… that fits me better. You are impatient but insecure; you would have a hard time getting the confidence. Same for the engagement?

-First of all: I’m not that insecure -I start getting kind of riled up- Second-

-Before you continue, let me ask you something. For how long have you owned those glasses?

-Mmm… around two years I think.

-Then, how is this one the first time I see you with them?

I don’t have to answer that because he knows.

-If not that, then answer the following: what do you think about yourself? Do you consider yourself pretty?

Is this what a deer caught in the headlights feels like? How can be asking this so suddenly while keeping the calm front that characterizes him? He is so annoying.

-That’s what I thought -it angers me a little to see how sure he is about that premise- Do you want a refill?

I was so nervous that once again I had finished my drink.

-I think I’m ready to try something stronger -I challenge him.

-We on, baby.

A/N: Sorry I've been missing but uni has me on constant house arrest omg. These ones are shorter but we are getting there. Hope you like it and hope you have a good night/evening... Feel free to give some feedback :)

[xngelbug]

hiii, i have a depressive episode pretty much every time i have my period and seeing as tumblr recommended this post “based on my likes”, i’m gonna use it as an excuse to ramble at 3 am

@/headspace-hotel is RIGHT, this sort of thing is NOT NORMAL and if you find that your period is causing you to have incredibly intense emotional symptoms, that may be a sign that something might not quite right and that maybe you should look into it!

for me, i actually have a disorder called Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder, or PMDD. the shortest way i’ve heard it described is “pms on steroids” or “pms multiplied by 100”.

the long of it, is this:

PMDD is a hormone based mood disorder (more specifically, it’s a depressive disorder) that affects about 5-8% of the general population that’s capable of menstruating.

if you have adhd, your risk of pmdd goes up to 46%, and if you have autism your risk of developing it is 94%! if you have both, well.

the main symptoms of PMDD can change in presentation from person to person, like with many health issues but generally speaking, you’re gonna have allllll the symptoms of pms…plus a few additional ones.

the ones that i experience (and therefore have the most frame of reference for) are:

anger/irritability/a rage so intense it feels like not even god could understand it

exhaustion so bad i usually can’t stay awake during the day

intense mood swings, usually related to sadness or anxiety. it’s not uncommon for me to suddenly burst into tears over something small or to get so anxious i can’t leave my bedroom (not even to go to the bathroom or feed myself)

speaking of food, my appetite doesn’t just wane, it’s like it completely jumps off a cliff. which, considering i have (mostly) unrelated memory issues, is… not a very good experience to put it lightly.

brain fog! this is a symptom i’ve only recently started understanding, so i don’t have a lot to say about it

incredibly intense feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. it’s to the point that if i start feeling suicidal but can’t figure out why, my first instinct has become to check the date. and it’s ALWAYS because my period is coming in, like…. the next 10 days or so. this is the symptom that scares me the most, especially because a huge part of WHY i haven’t killed myself is that i now know what’s causing it, and i can’t help but wonder how many other people haven’t gotten that chance. it makes me sad to think about too hard.

typically, these symptoms will alleviate themselves pretty much as soon as your period actually starts, with most people saying they develop a “sudden clarity” that makes them feel weirded out or embarrassed by their behavior while their where in the midst of it… but there is a reason for all this, even if it doesn’t feel like it after the fact.

PMDD is a very serious disorder—it’s also under diagnosed and under researched (huh, a menstrual disorder that’s under researched, couldn’t imagine why that is…). no one is really sure what exactly causes it, though it’s thought to be related to a sensitivity to to the changes in your estrogen + progesterone levels during the luteal phase of menstruating (that is, the first 1-2 weeks before your period—also, on a slightly unrelated note, as a person who’s trans masc/trans neutral, i like to make the joke that this means i’m allergic to estrogen).

having another disorder, like pcos, can put you at risk of developing it, but seemingly so can things like going through trauma…. like i said, it’s under researched :(

there are treatments for it, though!

the first thing i’d recommend is therapy, if that’s an option for you—a therapist is actually more likely to just, like, generally be aware that this is a thing that exists than, say, your gynecologist might be. speaking to gynocologists about this issue has NEVER been helpful for me, i ALWAYS get shrugged off.

personally, tracking my period has been very helpful in terms of preparing for the inevitable (though you should probably be doing that anyways, just to be safe). i’m starting to change my diet a bit to accommodate it as well, and i’m also looking into taking vitamins, particularly vitamin b6, calcium, and magnesium, as these are supposed to help with the symptoms i struggle with the most (pls be cautious when introducing new stuff to your system, though, even if it’s something you do need)

if that doesn’t work (for me or anyone who may be reading this, i guess) there’s also the options of birth control, hormone therapy (i’ve actually read that people who take t experience almost immediate relief for their symptoms), and also a hysterectomy, though that’s usually considered a “last resort” sort of treatment.

some people also use anti depressants to treat it, usually by increasing usual their dosage just a bit (usually via recommendation from a doctor) or they’ll receive a prescription specifically to take during the 2 weeks before their period. this isn’t really an option for me (i am no longer on anti depressants but when i was, the dosage i was taking was already too high to risk raising it more…) but i figured it was worth mentioning!

interestingly, there have also been people who claim that allergy medication helps with their symptoms—something related to pmdd triggering your mast cells into releasing a whole bunch of histamines—but that hasn’t really been researched, so it’s a very “try at your own risk” sort of thing, especially bc most of the people i see talking about it typically use something called “pepcid ac”, which a lot of people are saying can mess you up if you’re not careful about it (but i don’t know a whole lot about that, so…)

so… yeah! if your period makes you depressed or suicidal, (or if you’re experiencing things like suddenly wanting to break up with your partner even though you usually love being with them, suddenly wanting to quit your job even if it’s NOT awful, or something else along those lines, only for that to magically disappear once you start your period…) that’s not technically normal, but you’re also not alone in that. you aren’t the only one that maybe feels like your period might be ruining your life, and not only are you not crazy or making it up, there are things you can do to make your life easier. you deserve to feel good, and not like the world is ending every two weeks.

i love you (platonic/non romantic) and i hope you have a lovely day/night.

Pre-menstrual depression is always depicted as like "He He! I had a box of icecream bars and cried while watching the Titanic!" But in reality, it's more like, "I'm standing the edge of an abyss. There is nothing good inside of me, I'm filled with rage and desperation."

It's crazy that being told how to deal with that is never a part of anyone's menstrual sex education.