#I’ve been fine being basically cis while being okay with gender neutral pronouns

[alivebaguette]

I survived getting into storytelling podcasts and all I got was a fucking gender crisis

[my-castles-crumbling]

Writer anon, hello cas! I’ve been trying to write daily, but since it’s the end of the year, studying for finals, final projects, stuff like that I haven’t been able to, but I got a decent amount done this weekend, I think, I edited the prologue, a bit, and the first chapter is going well, kind of. But the characters were talking about the non-binary/genderfluid character all three of the main characters don’t have names yet but we’re going to ignore that, while they’re planning, and it bothered me a bit bc I’m still no figuring some stuff about them out. if you don’t mind I’m going to ask a few questions gender, and kind of how dysphoria and stuff like that works, and you don’t have to answer all of them, if it makes you uncomfortable, or you want me to message you directly instead if you want it to be private, that’s fine too, and you can just tell me that. you did offer like, awhile ago, one of my earlier asks, but you don’t have to obviously. And you aren’t the poster person for gender stuff, so it’s obviously ok if you don’t know the answer to all of my questions.

I’m cis, so I’m not really sure how the gender thing works in general, usually I just use whatever pronouns someone tells me they’re okay with, bc what they want to be called isn’t like, any of my business, and it’s the respectful thing to do. But if it’s they’re pov, it’s going to be mentioned a lot, so i need a general understanding of how it works.

so, they’re afab, and since it’s like medieval, they have to wear dresses and stuff, and they’re also like a princess (is that right, prob not, but idk gender neutral term for child of a monarch). I think that would cause dysphoria (?) I’m not really sure how that works either, but I’m pretty sure it’s where they feel crappy because how they look isn’t right (?) idk, like I said, idk much about the whole gender thing. Would that affect if they want to use she/her too? I was planning on them being non-binary and gender fluid, so they would use they/she/he, but I’m not sure about the whole thing, since I don’t understand it much. Ik from your pronoun card thing you’re ok with being called he/him by people close to you, is it different being called different pronouns by different people?

second thing, their name, I suck at naming things (shoutout to fantasy name generator and baby name websites) ik some people keep their name, but I think I want to change their name, as they change during their arc. Idk that many names that would fit them, that like match with the personality I have in mind ignore the fact that they have a design, personality, and powers but still no name, but is the name thing just a personal preference? From my general knowledge most of this gender stuff is a personal preference, idk.

third thing, I’m not sure how people like, figure out that they want to be a different gender, or like that the gender binary doesn’t like, apply to them, and I’m not sure where they would be, on that journey ig, they’re closeted, which is about the only part I’ve figured out bc they’re dad is a bitch. Idk.

that’s it, for now, I’ll probably ask more about it later. My motivation is currently here, so I’m excited to write today, hope you’re having a good day/night cas!

Hi hon! I'm just gonna copy/paste your questions below and answer as I go. Just remember that I am one person so my experience might be different than someone else's, and all trans people are different!

so, they’re afab, and since it’s like medieval, they have to wear dresses and stuff, and they’re also like a princess (is that right, prob not, but idk gender neutral term for child of a monarch).

I....am not sure what that term would be. I don't know if there even is one! You could make one up!

I think that would cause dysphoria (?) I’m not really sure how that works either, but I’m pretty sure it’s where they feel crappy because how they look isn’t right (?) idk, like I said, idk much about the whole gender thing.

Dysphoria is basically when your expression of your gender doesn't match how you feel inside (could be clothes, body parts, the way people are referring to you). It can be a physically uncomfortable feeling, mental discomfort, or a mixture. It manifests with many different symptoms, and can vary depending on the person. For example, sometimes I can get a stomach ache or feel anxious. Some trans people get a lot of it, and some don't!

Would that affect if they want to use she/her too? I was planning on them being non-binary and gender fluid, so they would use they/she/he, but I’m not sure about the whole thing, since I don’t understand it much. Ik from your pronoun card thing you’re ok with being called he/him by people close to you, is it different being called different pronouns by different people?

Everyone is different! Nonbinary people can prefer all different pronouns, depending on their personal preferences, so your character could have completely different pronouns to me. For me, I tend to like they/them the most, but I'm okay with she and he. Your character could be different, though! It really depends on the person :)

second thing, their name, I suck at naming things (shoutout to fantasy name generator and baby name websites) ik some people keep their name, but I think I want to change their name, as they change during their arc. Idk that many names that would fit them, that like match with the personality I have in mind ignore the fact that they have a design, personality, and powers but still no name, but is the name thing just a personal preference? From my general knowledge most of this gender stuff is a personal preference, idk.

Yep, definitely a personal preference! Some people like to change their name and others don't! It could depend on if their name is super gendered, if they have an attachment to it, and if they make huge changes in their transition. But yeah, def a personal preference. I didn't change mine- though I started going by a shortened version of it more.

third thing, I’m not sure how people like, figure out that they want to be a different gender, or like that the gender binary doesn’t like, apply to them, and I’m not sure where they would be, on that journey ig, they’re closeted, which is about the only part I’ve figured out bc they’re dad is a bitch. Idk.

That's also very different depending on the person, lol. some people just know, even before they're given the terms to express it. Other people start to realize after they learn more about it. For me, it was the second one. I found out about genderfluidity and I was like "ooo, that one."

that’s it, for now, I’ll probably ask more about it later. My motivation is currently here, so I’m excited to write today, hope you’re having a good day/night cas!

Okay! I'm sorry i couldn't be more specific, but as you can see- a lot of this varies! it's different for every nonbinary/trans person, you know? No experience is exactly the same.

Have a wonderful day! Good luck!

[spookypotato]

Leo - Just Leo 2

Characters by @lumosinlove

Thank you to elisa my beta <3

And thank you everyone for being invested! I did not expect people to care that much, but I'm happy you did :))

part 1

TW: coming out, anxiety, stess

He started sobbing. This is ridiculous. Everything was alright. Nothing had gone wrong. He could cry if they rejected him. He could cry, if everything he feared for became reality. He should not do it now. He had no reason to. 

Finn’s hand on his back and Logan’s on his knees, drawing small circles with his thumbs, grounded him a bit. He tried to focus on his breathing. Leo knew the process. He counted things in his head, took a few more deep breaths and the tears pretty much stopped again. He could feel a hand on his cheek. 

Finn wiped away the wetness there and Leo had to actively hold back the new ones that were threatening to roll down. He inhaled deeply. 

“There you go.”,  came in Finns voice from next to him. “Are you alright, baby?” 

Leo only nodded. He didn’t trust himself with words just yet. He should take a few minutes to calm himself down and then tell them. Bursting into tears in between his words wouldn’t be good for any of them. 

Finn’s hand stopped on his back, feeling the muscles underneath it relax. He slowly got up and went to the kitchen. 

“He’ll just get you some water. Can I do anything else for you, Nutty?”, Logan asked as he also got up to move next to Leo, his hand replacing Finns. 

Leo shook his head. He could feel his throat getting less tight and letting more air through. Maybe even enough to start the conversation, the one he wanted to have for quite a while now. 

He hadn’t practiced. He still had no clue what to say, but he had his boys next to him and his determination had returned. 

Leo downed the glass Finn had brought him. It helped, he was positive, he would get out more than a sentence without crying again. He could do this. 

“So”, he croaked out the same fucking opener he wanted to use less. Now was not the time to try to change his habits. 

“So”, he tried again. Fuck it. “I have something I wanted to talk about with you.” 

Both of his boys looked at him. He felt less nervous now that he had started and was still feeling their hands on his back and knees. He turned a bit to face them both more fully. 

Just start in some way. 

“I don’t want you to call me your boyfriend anymore.” 

And damn. He could have said anything else and it would have been less stupid. He needed to fix this. Logan’s hand was no longer on his back and Finns had simply fallen to the ground next to his feet. He looked over to Logan, who’s eyes were beginning to become shiner than usual. He looked hurt. 

Of course he looked hurt dumbass, you basically told them you want to break up with them. He hit himself mentally for his poor choice of words. 

“Leo, do you not want to be in a relationship with us anymore?”, Finn asked softly, his bottom lip worried between his teeth. 

Seeing both of them this distressed at once seemed to snap him out of his paralysis. 

“No! No, no, no, no, no. I really, really don’t. I would never. You two are the best thing that ever happened to me. I love you so much I meant it differently. I’m sorry.”, Leo had forgotten to take a breath in between. He needed to correct his mistake. He needed them to know how much they meant to him. 

Finn’s expression turned into a more relaxed one, which quickly became confused. “I love you, too. Why don’t you want to be called our boyfriend anymore though?” 

Finn left the question open ended. He provided no potential answers. He didn’t try to guess what was going on, he just asked and Leo was grateful for it. 

He started again. “If I’m going to say this, I need to say it all at once. So until I’m done with the main part, please don’t interrupt me, yeah? I don’t know where this bravery is coming from, but it’s bound to leave at some point. Can you do that?” 

He looked at Finn, who nodded. They both looked over at their boyfriend. Logan was clearly still not over the fact that, Leo almost told them he wanted to end their relationship. A few tears had rolled down his cheeks and Leo moved his hand to wipe them away, tilting his head up so green eyes met blue. 

“Can you listen to me, sweetheart?” 

Another tear rolled down Logan’s face and Leo wiped that one away too. He saw the brunet nodding. 

Okay, here goes ... everything, he thought to himself.

“I’d like you to use they/them pronouns for me, please.”, Leo saw things click behind Finns eyes, but they both knew Leo wasn’t done, so the boys listened as they continued. “I’ve thought about this for a good amount of time and I’m not completely sure how I feel, but I don’t feel like I’m a cis man. I know I’m trans. I figured that out, but I don’t know what label would fit me best yet. I do however know, I’m not a man and I’m not a woman. That’s why I’d like to try out they/them pronouns.”, their stare was fixed on the ground. Leo couldn’t bear to look their boys in the eye. They couldn’t bear a rejection. Curiosity got the better of them though, and dragged their blue eyes slowly off the ground and into brown and green ones.

Leo knew, their eyes must look stressed, nervous or even desperate, but they needed some kind of reaction. 

“If I call you Leo, are you fine with that?”, Logan’s voice came from beside him. Not disgusted or distant, just as loving and considerate as it always was. Hope bloomed in Leo’s chest. 

“Yes.”, they answered the question. “Leo is perfect. It’s gender-neutral and I like it. It makes me feel comfortable. Thank you for asking.” 

This didn’t feel real. Neither Logan nor Finn had moved a muscle in an effort to get up or scream at them or push them away. They were both simply sitting on the couch next to them, listening. 

Finn must have seen the distressed expression on Leo’s face and moved closer, his thigh touching the blonds. At least Leo now knew he couldn’t be that disgusted with them, that he couldn’t even bear to touch them. That wasn’t a lot, but it was a piece of hope Leo didn’t want to let go. 

“Peanut, baby. We love you.”, Logan moved closer to them as well, putting his hand back on Leo’s back, “We love you for you. That will never change. I don’t care what your gender is, the thing I care about is that you are you. That you’re comfortable in your own skin and feel understood and accepted and loved. Unconditionally.” 

Leo was so close to tears again and when one slipped down their cheek, they couldn’t help but let the rest stream down as well. They weren’t sad, but the pure relief they felt was enough to coat their cheeks with tears. 

Logan and Finn knew. Both of them just moved closer and hugged Leo. It was grounding and it actually slowed the sobs down that had started escaping their lips again. Just as Finn pulled back and kissed them on the cheek, Logan whispered in his ear, “Sweetheart, we love you for you, not for your gender. Nothing can change that.”

~~~

The following Monday, there was luckily no practice, so they all slept in. The doorbell was what woke them up at about 9 am. 

Finn grumbled something an got up, kissing them both, Leo on the shoulder and Logan on his cheek, maybe whispering something, but Leo was still to sleepy to care. 

What they did however care about, was Logan getting up as well, leaving them alone in their bed, cold and with no body heat to snuggle into. 

After a few minutes of rolling around, trying to get comfortable again and failing, they reluctantly got up as well. 

“Leo!”, he heard a shout from the main room. 

Answered by Finn in an almost scolding tone. “Let them sleep, Logan. They had a few stressful days.” 

It warmed Leo’s heart to hear them use their pronouns correctly, even after only a day. 

Their boys were in the living room, grinning at them like they knew something Leo didn’t. They probably did. 

Leo was almost in front of them as they pulled out, what had been behind their backs.

Light blue, pink and white was staring back at them. Logan and Finn had bought them a trans pride flag. 

Both of them were beaming and Leo couldn’t help themselves from covering their faces in kisses. They really were loved. 

“We can get another one, if you decide on a label, you like more, but we got you this. You also don’t have to keep it, we just thought you might like it.”, Finn told them.

“And it’s a part of you and as we in this household love all things Leo Knut related, we wanted to have a symbol for that. For you figuring out your feelings.”, Logan added. He got a bit quieter at the end, like he was questioning if they had done the wrong thing. 

Leo’s eyes, their fucking eyes, just didn’t want to give them a break. Tears were starting to form again and they had no way of stopping them. Logan and Finn accepted them. Not only that, they embraced Leo’s gender identity. And they had shown them, just like Eloise and Wyatt had. 

“Thank you.”, Leo got out through their tears, “I love you both so, so much.”

[goatsandgangsters]

For the trans asks! 1, 6, 14, 18, 25, 41?

1. How did you choose your name?

So the majority of people in my life call me either Em or EJ, though some people still call me Emeline (which is my given name). I don’t think I’ll ever consider it a deadname, because I do have some attachment, but I think the nicknames Em and EJ suite me better. People are welcome to use any of those options. While I’m particular about people getting my pronouns right and using neutral- or masculine-coded language, I’m kind of shrug emoji when it comes to names.

Em is actually largely @meyerlansky‘s doing (still suspended, rip), because they just... have a tendency to shorten people’s names and started calling me Em several years ago. And it just caught on! Particularly among online friends or mutual IRL friends, I looked around one day and was like “oh huh, a lot of people call me Em now, don’t they?” 

EJ has a bit more of an intentional story behind it: I first thought of EJ back in mmmmaybe late 2018? I saw a post on tumblr that was like, “I think it’s cool how there are a couple different Categories that transmasculine names tend to fall into” and listing those out. And one of them was initialisms—with examples like AJ, CJ, TJ. And I noticed, you know, J is always the second letter. And EJ is ACTUALLY MY INITIALS. And I just instantly felt really good about that, because here was a Very Gender Neutral Name, but it still already felt like a name I’d had my entire life. It was fresh and familiar all at once. It fit into this J pattern while also still feeling unique, because EJ is not as common as other -J initialisms. I first tried it out when I started going to a trans group IRL, so I have an entire trans friend group that only calls me EJ. The majority of people at work also call me EJ—similarly because nicknames just spread sometimes. I left my official documentation under Emeline, but mentioned to a couple people that I also go by EJ and then I blinked and almost every single person I work with calls me EJ. 

Both Em and EJ amuse me, because I’m surprised at how easy it is for people to pick up a nickname. I’ve found that people adjust to using a different name WAY more easily than they adjust to changing pronouns? Which is on the one hand an interesting observation, but on the other hand, it’s unfortunate because I CARE MORE ABOUT THE PRONOUNS PEOPLE USE THAN MY NAME

6. When did you realize you were transgender?

Short answer: 2012. I was a sophomore in college and one day I found out some people actually want to be their assigned gender?? I had thought we were all just miserably putting up with it. 

(There’s a longer answer here about realizing my gender in 2012 but then spending years and years overcoming my internalized guilt about “not being trans enough” and constantly moving my own goal post of “well I’m not trans enough because I don’t do x” and then doing x and going “OKAY BUT I HAVEN’T DONE Y” and then doing y and going “YEAH BUT I DON’T DO Z” and then wanting z and finally realizing, hey uh, how many times are you gonna move this goal post and also you’re eventually going to run out of goal posts—and finally having to go OKAY FINE, YES, I’M TRANS ENOUGH. I’M OUT OF EXCUSES TO INVALIDATE MYSELF.)

14. How long have you been out?

2018 was the first time I started telling people directly to use they/them pronouns for me. (I know, I know, took SIX YEARS RIGHT? But processing that is what my therapist is for.) But before that, I was definitely like in that vague place of “blogs about gender feelings and nonbinary stuff often enough that everyone who follows me like probably knew for a number of years before I said anything directly.” But in 2018, I was finally being Concrete and Direct about it, put it in all my socials, etc. Then in 2019, I came out to my parents and at my job for the first time. So officially, 2–3 years overall! 

18. How does your family feel about your trans identity?

If you asked them, they would tell you that they love and support me and they’re proud of me and they fully accept my identity. 

If you asked me, I would tell you that while they do love and support me, trans stuff is COMPLETELY BRAND NEW to them, so they don’t always know the right ways to show that support. It’s one of those “sometimes I wish it didn’t take work, but I know they’re trying and they mean well” situations

They ARE making progress, albeit more slowly than I’d like. Neither of them had ANY IDEA what I was talking about when I first came out. They very much... did not understand what I was telling them. So I made them both read a very good book on the subject, which they did read, and that helped lay some groundwork.

My dad has been consistently good about using neutral language from the start and as of a couple months ago started consistently using my pronouns! My mom still has not used my pronouns ever, which is kind of a bummer because she’s had... two years. She’s at the stage of “notices when she gets it wrong” or “aware enough to avoid pronouns,” which is better than not noticing at all, but it’s still not as good as getting it right. iT’S A PROCESS. I’m trying to be patient with it. They mean well. But god I wish it could just be easy, like a light switch. 

I still haven’t told them about my plans for top surgery. I’ve been putting off that conversation for....... months. It was actually the “pin in that for next week” comment to my therapist when we were wrapping up. But like, IDK IF YOU’RE STILL WORKING ON PRONOUNS, I FEEL LIKE “SURGICALLY REMOVING MY BOOBS” MIGHT SOUND LIKE A LOT?

25. What do you wish cis people understood?

I MEAN, QUITE A LOT. But if I have to get specific, I wish there was more understanding of why pronouns are actually important. I get the sense from a lot of cis people who are older and who don’t have a lot of understanding about queer stuff to begin with, that they think of pronouns as like “something they have to be PC about” and if they use the wrong pronouns I’m going to be mad and offended and they’re going to be sent to pronoun jail by the language police. Like, people approach pronouns by thinking “I need to remember that she uses they/them pronouns, so I need to only call her by them/them pronouns.” 

But actually, I’m asking that they stop seeing me as a woman. I don’t want a linguistic bandaid slapped over internal misgendering. If you can’t internalize that I’m not a girl, then pronouns will continue to be a struggle. I’d rather people call me the right thing than the wrong thing, but I don’t want to only be called the right thing. I want to also be seen as the right thing, too. It’s like one of my friends had a coworker call them by the wrong pronoun and the coworker came to apologize and then was like “alright, see you later girl!” with apparently no cognitive dissonance whatsoever. Pronouns are important, but they’re also not JUST language. Pronouns are important because they signify seeing people authentically. I want people to get my pronouns right, but I don’t want getting my pronouns right to be ALL that people do. 

Also, the idea that trans people are “angry and offended” when you misgender them because everyone is so sensitive and political correctness has gone too far, instead of like “it’s a painful reminder that you never get to just exist as your gender the way that cis people do, that no matter what you do there are always people who’ll use the wrong pronouns—sometimes unintentionally, sometimes intentionally, and it’s death by a thousand cuts” is a whole other rant I could go on. But if I get into how the myth of trans people being “easily offended” is dangerous, unfair, and untrue, we’ll be here all day. 

41. What is the place (blog, website, forum, IRL space) you get most of your info on being trans or on trans related things?

When I was first starting out, I did—for better or worse—get a lot of information from tumblr. On the one hand, I can’t shit talk, because it did allow me access to information that at the time I couldn’t find anywhere else. On the other hand, tumblr is often an ugly place for information (and whatever nonbinary discourse and misperceptions might exist now, it was 38475785 times worse in 2012. good god. just fuckin wall-to-wall trusc*m). I can’t tell you how many “HOW TO PASS AS A MAN (FTM)” articles and blogs I read back in 2012 as well. I absorbed any information I could find about anything, anywhere, because it was not as widely available. 

In the interceding years, I feel like I don’t know exactly where my information comes from. I just absorbed so much of it, wherever it could be found, that I don’t have a strong sense of where it comes from. I’ve watched countless “1 month on T / 3 months on T / 6 months on T / one year on T” videos on YouTube. I’ve trawled transbucket and facebook groups looking at people’s top surgery results. I’ve read lots of articles on fitting clothing and masculine style onto bodies that weren’t necessarily intended for those clothes. 

Spending IRL time with trans people though has been by far the most enriching and healing, though. It wasn’t necessarily where I learned the basics like different methods of top surgery, but it was where I started un-learning a lot of the emotional baggage I’d picked up along the way. 

[Trans ask game! What has been your gender journey?]

[cursebreaker-lilith]

I only posted her original profile in September, but I’ve changed some stuff and wanted to do a new drawing. Lili was pretty new to me then, and I’ve found her voice a lot more since so it only felt right to have a do over on her profile.

This is all up to the beginning of year 6.

EDIT: Some formatting changes made 5-12-21

BASICS

Name: Lilith Silvia Vesta Brooks

Nicknames: Lili, Pipsqueak, Pip

Name Meaning: Lilith references a figure from Jewish folklore, Silvia comes from her grandmother’s name and references a figure from Roman mythology, Vesta was also chosen by her grandmother and references the Roman goddess of the hearth.

Gender: Cis Female 

Pronouns: She/Her

Age: 16 (Variable depending on what year I’m writing about)

Birthday: October 19th, 1972

Zodiac: Libra

Blood Status: Half-blood

Ethnicity/Nationality: White Brit

Sexuality: Self identifies primarily with queer but is okay with being called bisexual. Is also probably on both the asexual and aromantic spectrum, but the words for them hadn’t been coined in her time period. 

Appearance

Body:

Height: 165cm / 5′5

Build: Average to stocky, hourglass shape

Eyes: A bright yellow-green, noticeably a bit big and round.

Hair: Pale blonde hair that is very thin and fine. She likes doing it up in different ways, from ponytails, to pigtails, to braids. Right before starting her 6th year, she cut her hair short and permed it on an impulse encouraged by her Muggle friends.

Skin: Pale skin that burns easily but quickly fades into a tan

Misc: Small and usually unnoticeable scars scattered across her hands and face from ice in the Ice Vault that will fade wholly with time (most already have by 6th year). Pierced ears--one in each lobe as a teenager but adds more as an adult.

Material Items:

Clothing: As a young child, she tried to keep up with mainstream Muggle fashion. She preferred lots of bright colors, stripes, gaudy jewelry, and scrunchies. Dear lord she loves scrunchies. As she got older however, she began to phase out of the bright colors and mainstream fashion into something which would soon be called grunge. Not completely grunge however as she still loves her statement earrings and scrunchies. Usually wears baggy/non form fitting clothing.

Accessories: Almost always wearing some sort of dangly and obnoxious statement earrings. Always has at least three scrunchies on her person.

In her school bag: Her wand, at least five scrunchies, school books and papers, books Rowan wants her to read, an old crochet penguin for good luck (her first attempt at crochet animals), crochet hooks and yarn, journal and papers related to Cursed Vault plans, at least three cool looking rocks she found on the ground.

Reference:

Face Claim: N/A

Voice Claim: N/A

Personality

Traits:

+  loyal, friendly, extroverted, responsible, mature, kind, adaptable, quick learner, resourceful, hopeful, courageous

+/— determined, good liar, intense, clever, intelligent, independent

— obsessive, untrusting, secretive, forceful, quick temper, angry, abrasive, single minded, rule breaker, rude, spiteful

Description:

Lili has a lot of pent up anger and a quick temper. She’s angry at her family, at authority, at the world. She’s not good at processing this anger and thus tends to lash out at people very often and often very cruelly and violently. She knows this and tries to keep in check but isn’t very good at doing so even as she ages. Because of her anger, she also tends to keep grudges for quite a while, even for stupid or petty reasons and is slow to admit she’s wrong.

In a better world, she would be known for her friendliness. Lili can be very friendly and relaxed. She talks first and makes a judgement second, trying to be as open minded as possible. She’s very casual yet polite and likes people being the same back to her.

Lili is determined in a way that tends towards the negative. Her laser focus on things tend to quickly become obsessions if someone she trusts doesn’t intervene quickly enough.

After her mother stopped being a parent towards her at a young age, Lili learned to take care of herself quickly. She’s become clever and resourceful in her steps to becoming independent. It’s left her mature and responsible for her age, but also untrusting and secretive, convinced she can do it on her own (or with Rowan only).

Lili is very loyal to those that earn her loyalty. For those she cares about, she would do anything. If you do something to lose that loyalty, expect harsh treatment after if Lili even deigns to speak to you. She’s not afraid of cutting people out of her life if they betray or anger her.

Other:

Likes: crafts (crochet, knitting, sewing), Rowan and Barnaby, scrunchies, dangly earrings, being busy, collecting things, fashion

Dislikes: Merula and Ismelda, Rakepick, Snape, most other Slytherins, people who get in her way, Dumbledore, Doctor Who after the 5th Doctor, not getting enough sleep, flying class

MBTI: ESTP

Alignment: Chaotic Neutral

Hogwarts

Hogwarts House: Slytherin

OWL Classes:

Astronomy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Flying: 2/10 (A)

Herbology: 3/10 (A)

History of Magic: 2/10 (A)

Potions: 4/10 (A)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

OWL Electives:

Ancient Runes:  9/10 (O)

Arithmancy:  6/10 (O)

Care of Magical Creatures:  6/10 (O)

NEWT Classes:

Ancient Runes: 9/10 (O)

Arithmancy: 6/10 (E)

Charms: 9/10 (O)

DADA: 9/10 (O)

Transfiguration: 7/10 (E)

Extracurriculars:

Clubs: Dueling Club (3rd-4th year), Fencing Club (2nd-5th year), Transfiguration Club (occasionally from 2nd year on)

Quidditch: N/A

Prefect or Head Boy/Girl: N/A

Best Classes:

Charms It’s the one class she’s very naturally talented at. She never needs to study much, but she barely has to try with Charms. Someday she’ll beat Ben and be the best in their year at the class.

Defense Against the Dark Arts She’s not good at this because of any professor, she’s good at this because of her excursions into the Cursed Vaults giving her practical knowledge.

Worst Classes:

Flying Listen, if people were meant to fly, then they’d have wings, or a spell letting people properly fly would be created by now. Lili will be staying on the ground, thank you very much.

Herbology She’s lived in the city her whole life and being around so many plants is strange. She doesn’t hate the class, but she does use it to catch up with her friends rather than study.

Potions She doesn’t have the patience for potions, and that’s even when she doesn’t have Snape refusing to acknowledge her existence.

Favorite Professors:

Flitwick She thinks Flitwick is great. There’s not much more to say. He’s responsible but not smothering, and still thinks well of her brother. If she ever had to pick an adult to trust, it would be Flitwick.

Kettleburn She had taken Care of Magical Creatures because Rowan had wanted a third elective and Lili didn’t want to take Muggle Studies or Divination. However, she ended up loving the class and thinks Kettleburn is hilarious. She honestly wished she could take the class NEWT level, but her schedule was already full.

Least Favorite Professors:

Snape She has a very complicated relationship with Snape. He hates her because of her brother (who he did not get along with), because she reminds him of James Potter, and because her nickname, Lili, reminds him of his lost love Lily Evans every time he hears it. Lili, of course, does not know any of this and thinks he just hates her for no reason. Jacob thought he was a Death Eater (he got that from whispers older kids who Jacob knew were definitely Death Eaters), so Lili uses that as justification to not like him.

Rakepick She never trusted her and barely liked her, even before she became a professor. Her opinion didn’t go improve any time in fifth year.

Magic

1st Wand: Blackthorn, unicorn hair, 11 3/4 in, shiny and slightly flexible

“Blackthorn, which is a very unusual wand wood, has the reputation, in my view well-merited, of being best suited to a warrior. This does not necessarily mean that its owner practises the Dark Arts (although it is undeniable that those who do so will enjoy the blackthorn wand’s prodigious power); one finds blackthorn wands among the Aurors as well as among the denizens of Azkaban.”

2nd Wand: Aspen, phoenix feather, 12 in, fairly rigid

“In my experience, aspen wand owners are generally strong-minded and determined, more likely than most to be attracted by quests and new orders; this is a wand for revolutionaries.”

Special Abilities: Natural Legilimens, Occlumency

Boggart

Form: Jacob telling her she’s useless and unwanted and that everything she’s doing is for nothing.

Riddikulus: Has not found anything yet that works

Amortentia

What they smell: the Owlery, Standard Ingredient, and something else, something she can’t figure out

What they smell like to others: Lavender, hot chocolate, campfire smoke

Patronus

Form: A goshawk. Independent and intelligent hunters who focus intently on stalking their prey.

Memory: A childhood memory of going to a fair. Jacob looked after her the entire night, and it’s one of the last times she remembers seeing both of her parents laugh.

What they see in the Mirror of Erised: Herself with her family–Jacob is there and looks like how she remembers him, and her mother and father are holding hands and smiling. As she ages, her mother and father are phased out of the image and replaced by her friends, her new family.

FAMILY

Father: David Brooks

Muggle

b. 1943

Works at an accounting firm.

In theory, he was alright with magic and the wizarding world. In practice, it unnerved him more than he could say. When his children started doing accidental magic, and when Jacob came home from Hogwarts talking about nothing but spells and magic, that was it for David. He filed for divorce in 1980 and hasn’t spoken to his ex-wife or children since. He has since married to a fellow Muggle, treating her children as his own and speaking rarely of his biological children. He doesn’t even know Jacob disappeared.

Mother: Carina Flora Brooks (nee Braddock)

Pureblood

b. 1944

Ravenclaw

Works for a wizarding travel magazine as a photographer, travels around the world frequently

She was perhaps not meant to be a mother, and would have been happier following in her brother’s shoes of travelling the world with no responsibilities. However, her mother was insisting she marry and Carina, in a fit of rebellion, decided to marry a nice Muggle she knew instead of the purebloods her mother had picked out.

Carina was never very good with either of her children, and in particular could never get along with Jacob, resorting to abuse (emotional and physical) to try to get him to behave how she wanted. Despite this, she totally shut down when Jacob disappeared, feeling like a failure. This led to her severely neglecting her daughter to wallow in her own misery day and night. It also led to an irrational hatred of Hogwarts. She refuses to read any letters sent by them and has made several subtle attempts to make Lili miss the Hogwarts Express.

Brother: Jacob Seraphinus Ulysses Brooks

Half-blood

b. March 8th, 1967

Slytherin

Currently missing.

Never able to make friends easily or keep his mouth shut, Jacob always had a hard time fitting in, so he turned to books. He preferred fiction over nonfiction, but one history book’s mention of Cursed Vaults on Hogwarts’ grounds led to a search that would dominate his, and his sister’s, life.

He was an outcast in his house and Hogwarts, besides for a few acquaintances, and instead focused on reaching his goals. He was reckless and brave (the Sorting Hat considered putting him in Gryffindor), but obsessive, secretive, and increasingly dependent on the idea of “the end justifies the means.”

Grandfather: Ambrose Braddock

Pureblood

b. 1903

Ravenclaw

Deceased

Known for being Britain’s first natural Legilimens in a century. The Braddock family is known for being a line of natural Legilimens, but none in the family had had the ability in five generations before Ambrose was born. This ended up leading to an offer of marriage from the Malfoy family who wanted the connection to this rare ability. Later realized his grandson was also a natural Legilimens, but died before he could teach Jacob more than the basics on how to control it and never realized his granddaughter also had the ability.

Died of sickness in 1975 at age 72

Grandmother: Silvia Braddock (nee Malfoy)

Pureblood

b. 1911

Slytherin

Never worked, has always been a housewife

Your typical upper class, conservative grandmother. She may not believe that strongly in pureblood mania anymore, but she still believes in things like “children should be seen, not heard,” and corporal punishment. Was in an arranged marriage to Ambrose and never really grew to love him feeling she was marrying beneath her Malfoy heritage. Fairly reclusive nowadays, only entertaining old friends for brunch and going to the occasional pureblood party.

Uncle: Victor Felinus Braddock

Pureblood wizard

b. 1940

Gryffindor

Has a different job every few months, deosn’t really needs to have one and his work ethic shows that

Considered a fun uncle by his nephew, and an annoyance by his niece. Has a lot of stories, and a slight drinking problem.  While his mother was annoyed at him for having a dalliance with a Muggle-born, she was even more furious that he refused to marry Suzie. Victor didn’t want to be tied down, and left her to raise their two daughters only appearing in their lives every few years.

Cousins: Donna and Caroline Jones

Half-bloods

b. 1960 and 1975

Both Gryffindor

Welsh

Their mother Susan Jones was a Muggle-born Sorted into Gryffindor in the same year as Victor Braddock. The two have had an on again, off again relationship since their Hogwarts years that has resulted in two daughters.

Donna was sorted into Gryffindor in 1971 (meaning she would have been roommates with Lily Evans which is a coincidence I swear) and it’s easy to see why. She’s confident, brash, and blunt. She has many problems with her father and refuses to interact with that side of the family. Works in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement for the Ministry.

Caroline is the opposite of her much older sister and was surprised to find herself in Gryffindor (Sorted there in Lili’s 3rd year). She’s timid and quiet, but with a backbone hidden underneath. She wilts at any negative tones, but is always ready to extend a hand to anyone who has hurt her, even multiple times.

Step family: Sabina Brooks, Ioan and Luca Ciobanu

Muggles

b. 1949, 1975, and 1980

Immigrants from Romania to England

After divorcing Carina, David began dating Sabina shortly after and later married her, acting as a father to her two young children. The four of them live together in London.

Pets:

Alfred An easily frightened black cat that once belonged to Jacob

Doctor Hoot A large barred owl that frequently forgets it’s an owl and not a lapdog

FRIENDS

Best Friends:

Rowan Khanna Her best friend!! She originally befriended Rowan because Rowan reminded her of her muggle friend, but it soon blossomed into a different, much closer relationship. Whenever Rowan is gone, Lili doesn’t really know what to do (”I’m going to cut all the sleeves off my robes.” “Why??” “Rowan left an hour ago and she’s like 85% of my impulse control.”) and Lili would never have made it through any of the Cursed Vaults without her. She probably also would have gotten expelled for brawling and dueling in like second year without Rowan. I’m not joking about that impulse control thing.

Barnaby Lee Lili didn’t like Barnaby at first. Even before he worked for Merula, she thought he was nothing more than a stupid jock and made fun of how Snape would pick on him in Potions. Then she actually talked to him and did a complete 180. “I’ve only known Barnaby for an hour, but if anything happened to him, I would kill everyone in this room and them myself.” She liked how sweet and genuine he was despite his awful upbringing. He’s always there to support her, and she’s really grown to love him for that. He once thought he had a crush on her, but it wasn’t really romantic (”The feeling was friendship but he had never experienced it before.”).

Good Friends:

Bill Weasley He’s like the big brother Jacob should’ve been. She was not thrilled to have a complete stranger helping with the Vaults, but in hindsight she’s so very glad she listened to Rowan. Lili isn’t sure she could have gotten half of what she’s done done without Bill’s help and steadfastness.

Charlie Weasley Their friendship kind of crept up on Lili. Charlie was closer friends with Ben and Barnaby, so while Lili had a passing familiarity with him before the Forest Vault, she wouldn’t have called them friends. She was surprised when she turned out to really enjoy his company when he started helping with the Cursed Vaults.

Chiara Lobosca Chiara was someone Lili tangentially knew due to people confusing them for each other (the hair color; once Chiara hits a growth spurt and Lili doesn’t people stop). Then Lili is forced to partner with Chiara in Herbology in 3rd year, and besides seeing her Herbology grade go up the slightest bit, she finds a friend in Chiara, appreciating the girl’s seemingly infinite kindness.

Friends:

Nymphadora Tonks They get along in classes, but Lili doesn’t trust Tonks with anything serious.

Liz Tuttle The two have many overlapping friends but don’t really hang out with each other.

Badeea Ali She really respects Badeea, but they just don’t have many reasons to be around each other.

Jae Kim Lili thinks he’s hilarious and very smart, but doesn’t trust him as far as she could throw him.

It’s Complicated:

Ben Copper Probably the most complicated relationship here. She befriended him out of pity and continued their friendship because of his skill at Charms. He’s had a crush on her since they were 11 when she stood up for him which no one had ever done before. Then the Red Robed Wizard Reveal tm happened and Lili dropped him and ignored him, though he tried to make it up to her. 6th year only drives a deeper wedge between them as Lili can’t stand his recent behaviour. Ben finally confessing about his love for Lili in 6th year didn’t help mend anything either.

Tulip Karasu After finding out that Tulip had purposefully not told her about Jacob’s room, Lili instantly decided she was an undesirable but necessary ally. Lili does not like Tulip for most of their time at Hogwarts as she’s really pissed that someone would keep her brother’s things from her. Lili will talk to her about the Cursed Vaults, but they do not hang out and Lili does not consider her a friend. This really, really hurts Tulip’s feelings but Lili doesn’t really care. The relationship does get a bit better in 6th year, but it’s never going to be a close one. In a better world without the Vaults, they’d probably get along smashingly as while Lili isn’t a prankster, she has no problem egging them on.

Love Interests:

Penny Haywood Her first, longest, and most confusing crush. She was wary of Penny at first. Popular girls were rarely that 100% nice, but Penny truly was. She also had a nice smile and pretty hair and soft hands…. It took Lili quite a while (like four years and Bill telling her) to figure out it was a crush and then….she did absolutely nothing. She panicked and stopped talking to Penny for a while before sheepishly apologizing when Penny confronted her. They went to the Celestial Ball together, but “as friends.” That did not stop them from having a Moment that Lili interpreted completely wrongly and she assumed Penny didn’t like her romantically. Penny in fact did, and since Lili never reacted to their Moment in the proper way, Penny assumed that Lili wasn’t interested. The two continued having crushes on each other for the rest of their time at Hogwarts and remained close friends after they both graduated.

Talbott Winger Her second, less confusing, crush. Similar to Barnaby, Lili didn’t think much of Talbott at first. He was that one kid who was talented at Transfiguration and she once saw him chatting casually to an owl in the Owlery. He was weird and she ignored him. Then she was paired with him on a class assignment in 3rd year and a friendship bloomed despite Talbott’s protests. It was a casual thing at first, but then Lili helped Talbott find his mom’s necklace, and their talk under the stars about family and the past and future deepened their friendship. Having already figured out she had a crush on Penny by this time, she managed to get the signs that she now also had a crush on Talbott, which made her panic, again. However, since Talbott is even worse with emotions than her, she didn’t do anything drastic like she did with Penny. They went on one date in 6th year but that was going too fast for Talbott and they decided to stay friends until Talbott felt more comfortable being around people. Lili took this….mostly gracefully.

Diego Caplan The two met in the Dueling Club in 4th year. Diego was impressed with Lili’s skill and tried to befriend her and also maybe flirt with her a bit. Lili, who tends to gravitate towards people who are unashamedly themselves, found his over the top flirting hilarious and was instantly endeared to Diego. She really enjoyed being around him, finding his lightheartedness helped her forget some of her troubles with the Cursed Vaults, especially in 5th year. He asked her out on a date, her first one, and she agreed. She enjoyed the date, but 5th year was the peak of her obsession with the Cursed Vaults so she broke it off. They later dated again during 6th year, after Lili’s one date with Talbott.

Dormmates:

Rowan Khanna see above

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. Their entire relationship can be explained with that one text post that’s like “Bitch.” “Blocked.” “Wait unblock me I need to tell you something.” “Unblocked.” “Bitch.”

Vidalia Barrows An OC. Lili has said like two sentences to Vidalia and she plans to keep it that way. Vidalia just eats and sleeps and does whatever Desdemona says to do.

Doesn’t Interact:

Murphy McNully/Skye Parkin/Orion Amari/Erika Rath She’s not involved in Quidditch.

Andre Egwu I just can’t think of a way to work him into the plot lol They would get along somewhat well otherwise.

Enemies:

Merula Snyde Hated each other’s guts for a while. Then Lili gave up her Frog Choir spot and Merula gained a small crush (even if Lili was a total ass about giving it up). While they’ll never be friends, by the time of 5th and 6th year they’ve become reluctant allies similar to Lili and Tulip above. Lili will probably never totally befriend her, but she’s learned to be civil and that’s progress.

Ismelda Murk Lili doesn’t really like Ismelda but she considers her all bark and no bite. Ismelda hates Lili because she thinks Lili and Barnaby are gonna end up dating and is jealous.

Desdemona Selwyn An OC. See above.

Most of Slytherin House Lili has never been shy about being half Muggle and being proud of it, and in a house that still worships Voldemort, that sets her apart. The few that don’t find her being pro-Muggle distasteful don’t want to be exiles in their own dorms and avoid talking to her.

Story

Childhood:

Lili’s childhood was never that great. Her parents fought frequently over her and Jacob’s use of accidental magic, and this eventually caused them to divorce when Lili was 9. Her mother in particular was emotionally and physically abusive but Jacob spared her from the worst of it.

Jacob was always the best part of her childhood. She loved her parents, but Jacob was the person she always looked forward to seeing. When he went to Hogwarts, she was upset for weeks, and when he went missing, she was devastated (especially as he went missing the night of her birthday).

Her mother didn’t take it well. Carina was not particularly close with Jacob, but this obviously big failure of her as a parent hit her hard. She became very emotionally withdrawn from Lili and threw herself into her photography work, leaving the country, and Lili, for weeks at a time.

Lili had to become very independent very quickly after that. That, plus the fact that she didn’t have any non-Muggle friends meant she trusted very few people and lied often. Getting her Hogwarts letter was a relief and a promise of freedom

Hogwarts:

: )

see here: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1467043

Adulthood:

Lili is very distraught after graduation and leaves everyone she knows behind to travel Europe and find herself. She spends several years doing this, helping people and doing odd jobs.

Eventually, she finds that she has a talent for languages, picking up a few easily in her travels, and starts to consider possibly doing something related to language whenever she goes back to Britain.

Miscellaneous

She fuckin loves scrunchies.

Has lived in a Muggle neighbourhood her whole life.

Likes muggle TV. Grew up watching Doctor Who. Not impressed with the 6th Doctor, and glad she was away at Hogwarts during his run. Favorite Doctor is the 4th and she knit herself her own version of his scarf.

Likes collecting things! She loves cool rocks on the sidewalk, tacky tourist souvenirs, and things you find for $1 in a thrift store.

She can knit, crochet and sew. She likes making little crochet animals and giving them to friends (or just keeping them and having a plushy empire around her bed).

Loves having her photo taken and has a whole collection of photos, but hates taking photos. It reminds her of her mother.

One of her Muggle friends got her into fencing. She thought it would be useful to hone her athletic skills with, so she continued doing it when she went back to Hogwarts in the fall.

The type of person who needs to be doing something 24/7. When she doesn’t have anything to focus on, she tends to be all over the place and rather annoying.

Quieter and more complacent as a kid. it was after her family broke apart that the need to be so driven started to become a part of her personality.

Love Like You from Steven Universe is a song for her and Jacob (from Jacob’s POV)

Chameleon by Michela is a song that fits her

Tropes:

Big Brother Worship

Determinator

Family Eye Resemblance

Good is Not Nice

Hair Trigger Temper

Jerk with a Heart of Gold

Parental Neglect

[trans-n-enby-stuff]

💜(I'm so sorry this is really long pls forgive me) Hi, I was wondering if I could get some advice? My sister & I have been really close my whole life, we've shared a room for as long as I can remember & we tell each other basically everything. I came out as agender (its easier to explain than demifluid and I'm still a bit iffy on which term describes me best) to her a few days ago & she seemed supportive at first, said she was fine with it & didn't see anything wrong with it...

& she's avoided calling me a girl occasionally. But most of the time it's not like that? Like a few minutes ago we were goofing off and she said "what the heck woman" and stuff like that, I can't tell if she's joking or not or trying to keep me closeted around our parents? I told her not to talk to anyone about it except one of our friends (more on this later) so idk if she's trying to help but the use of gendered language could've easily been avoided. And when I came out she stressed that if I "changed my mind" she would understand. I've also felt really on edge & generally unsafe ever since I came out to her and I don't know whether it's justified. Like I don't think she would purposefully out me but idk anymore. And the friend I mentioned earlier, they came out as nb almost a year ago & I came out to them first, they helped me out a lot when I realized I wasn't cis. But my sis has never bothered correcting herself on their pronouns, even when they've made it clear they use neutral pronouns. She says it's really hard and she's working on it; she generally avoids pronouns around them but when it's just me and her she uses gendered pronouns for them & when I try to correct her she brushes it off. She's also said before that she thought they were "taking the whole gender thing too seriously" But honestly I don't know what to do. She's a really nice person, I love her and I would hate to cause a rift between us, I've been considering going back into the closet but I don't want her to think my being nb was just a phase. Do you have any advice? (Again sorry this was so long I've had this pent up for a while now and it just kinda reached a point I couldn't take it anymore, thank you so much for putting up with me 💜) 

~

Okay my lovely anon friend, firstly no need to apologize, things can be hard to explain sometimes, lots of words are needed from time to time. so! let’s see if i can work through enough of this, sorry if i do miss anything, my brain is a demon sometimes.

being out to only one person in a house can be complicated for all involved. your sister doesn’t want to out you to other people and you don’t want that either, but you also want people to respect your pronouns and your gender. to be honest though, it sounds like your sister isn’t exactly trying real hard to respect you or your friends pronouns. the “woman” comment could just be habit, but considering that she also won’t really use your friend’s pronouns, it seems like she doesn’t really think your pronouns are a big deal. I don’t know what to tell you exactly love, it’s tricky. you might want to talk to her about it, tell her that the gendered stuff upsets you. if it doesn’t work, it’s up to you to decide if you’re okay with her ignoring your pronouns. if not, you could always try some classic things like not responding until she calls you the right thing or similar tactics. 

good luck love, and if you have more questions let me know!

~ Chris