#I’ve been eagerly anticipating this chapter and it did not disappoint

[withclawandvine]

what we pretend to be chapter 3

Summary: Azriel was a veteran spy, well suited to the sneaking and solitude that comes with a life in the shadows. He was good at it. He wasn’t good at undercover missions, so he couldn’t hide his shock when new recruit and undercover specialist Elain Archeron was already seated at the conference table, looking beautiful as ever. And then it was dropped on them like a bomb: Azriel and Elain would be sent to the suburbs, posing as a married couple to gather intel on a suspicious man who, according to reports, was in communication with notorious arms dealer, Koschei Sokolov.

Author’s note: oh boy this has been a long time coming. i could blame it on my new job or a number of other Life Things but the truth is i’ve been suffering from bnha brainrot (which if you’ve spent any time on my blog, should not come as a surprise haha) but i really wanted to get this done so i could start working on stuff for elriel month this year! so please enjoy, and let the pining begin babeyy !!

Tags: SFW, undercover au, fake married

Word count: 2.1k

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42105033

As soon as the deadbolt clicked into place, Azriel let himself sag against the door. “Fuck,” he sighed. “I thought they’d never leave.”

From the moment Brian and Lynn Forth had entered the house, a headache lurked at Azriel’s temples. Now, in merciful quiet and with nothing else to distract him, the pain pounced. Not for the first time, Azriel wondered if you could be annoyed into physical pain.

From her place on the couch, Elain looked at him with amusement dimpling her cheek. “They were only here for twenty minutes.”

Although he doubted Elain would lie about something so trivial, Azriel checked his watch. Sure enough, it was barely 8:00. That single conversation had felt like a small eternity, or like he’d died and gotten stuck in purgatory, atoning for his past sins on an overpriced couch, while his neighbors smiled through every sentence. It might not have felt so punishing had they learned anything significant, but as it was, the Forths were as vapid as they were irritating.

Lynn had prattled on about the widely-adored previous owners of the house and their eventual retirement to the coast. How eagerly everyone had anticipated and speculated about who would move in next, the disappointment when the previous buyers had backed out at the last minute. And finally, the surprised excitement when word got around that a young couple would be moving in. And young you are—about our son’s age, if I had to guess. There was a pause, Lynn clearly waiting for them to confirm or deny her suspicions, but Elain had merely grinned at Azriel while patting his knee, “Aww, she thinks you’re young.”

Azriel didn’t have to fabricate the fondness in the roll of his eyes.

“Thirty’s not that far off for you, you know,” he’d said, mostly sure it was true. He didn’t actually know how old Elain was. For all he knew, she was already thirty, but he knew that this was the time to be vague. It was better to deflect with a jest of his own than assign an exact age to her.  

“And she did mention the wife,” Elain added when Azriel rejoined her on the couch, this time sitting down across from her—the cushion still uncomfortably warm from Brian—instead of next to her. That was Alex’s spot.

Azriel would hardly consider information they already had on record much of a consolation, but Lynn's comment about the woman’s age was interesting. There wasn’t anything about that in the files. “If she really is about your age, it might be easier for you to form a connection.”

“Galkin will surely get in the way, though.”  

The poor girl seems lonely—hardly ever leaves the house, with or without Ivan. Lynn had said, shaking her head with a troubled frown. Elain and Azriel exchanged a glance, unsurprised by this revelation, but unsure how to probe further. Brian, perhaps observing the small exchange and misreading it as discomfort, had cut in with an apologetic grimace, Lynn, dearest, they’ve only been here a few hours. Let’s not drag them into neighborhood gossip just yet.  

Azriel drug his hands over his face tiredly before his fingers finally settled at his temples, pressing into the tender flesh.

“You okay?” Elain asked, taking care to keep her voice low.

“Just a headache,” he said, but it made Elain frown, as if he’d told her something deeply troubling.

And then she gave a bit of a jolt, “We haven’t eaten yet today!”

Lack of nourishment was one of several potential culprits; he still wasn’t going to rule out the neighbors.

Elain reached for the welcome basket Lynn just threw together! for them on their coffee table and pulled at the artfully curled ribbon holding the crisp cellophane wrapping in place. Azriel watched her set aside the bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon, a scented candle, and a bag of locally roasted coffee before finding the list of her and Brian’s favorite delivery places and skimming it over.

“Indian or Thai?”

At the mere thought of fresh naan, Azriel’s stomach growled, “Indian sounds great.”

The dining table was still overrun with boxes, so they spread dinner out on the sofa table, promising they’d get to it tomorrow. It was unnervingly real—looking Elain’s messy hair and feeling the ache in his back and arms while they sat cross-legged on the couch, inhaling takeout too fast to talk. Here, inside the liminal space of a half-decorated room and low lamplight, Azriel really could just be somebody’s husband, procrastinating on unpacking.

But then he remembered that the boxes weren’t brimming with tchotchkes, and that getting the equipment inside ready, online, then securely stored could take all day. Whatever couldn’t be mistaken for a personal tablet or basic office equipage would have to be hidden away in filing cabinets or the closet. And that was just the beginning of tasks they had to accomplish to make sure the house was as unremarkable as possible.

Elain dunked a piece of roti in her aloo matar, “We need to meet the rest of our neighbors. Figure out who’s involved.”

“Or if they know anything,” Azriel added. “Even if they’re not working with Galkin.”

She nodded thoughtfully. “At the very least, Lynn seems invested in the neighborhood. I wouldn’t be surprised if she knew something.”

Luckily she was also endlessly chatty; getting her to divulge something wouldn’t be a challenge. Anything was better than what they had now. In the grand scheme of things, Ivan Galkin’s connection to Sokolov wasn’t a very significant lead, and one they probably only had because of the risk that came with doing business with someone new. They didn’t know the nature of the collaboration or what either man wanted from the other. They didn’t know what Galkin had to offer that made Sokolov decide it was worth the risk.

With the headache ebbing and his hunger sated, Azriel was painfully aware of his exhaustion. The kind that made his eyelids feel sticky with each blink, the normally thoughtless action becoming deeply unpleasant. It would be easy to blame it on the long day of driving and hauling and arranging, but in all honesty, Azriel had spent the previous night restlessly pacing around his apartment. Half preparing and half wrangling with his anxiety about the mission—about having Elain as his partner. Azriel could count on one hand the missions for which he’d had a partner. It wasn’t just his line of work that made him wary of trusting another person. He’d been a solitary creature his whole life. Hadn’t shared a space since his time in Special Ops, before Rhysand had plucked him out of the military ranks a decade ago.

Despite the anxiety urging him to do so, there was no reason for Azriel to push his body any further tonight. Their equipment wasn’t going anywhere, and even if it was set up, they hadn’t even determined an initial target.

He started tossing decorative pillows from the couch to the floor, but stopped when he felt Elain watching him. He turned to face her where she lingered on the stairs, brows wrinkled curiously.

“Don’t want to scratch a cornea on the beaded ones,” he explained. The one in his hands now looked promising—larger than the average throw pillow, covered in a soft suede.

“You’re not sleeping on the couch,” she said plainly. Azriel blinked at her, wondering if maybe she was messing with him like she had in the car, calling him baby and asking if he was into roleplay.

“We have a lot to worry about already,” she continued. Perfectly serious. “We can’t waste any of our energy on making sure the couch never looks like a bed, just in case people drop by and see it.”

Azriel could argue that people fought or fell asleep watching Sports Center all the time. But Elain was the expert and his spine knew he wasn’t twenty-two anymore, so he helped her fix the pillows and followed her upstairs.

The owner’s suite, situated at the end of the hallway, was decorated in the same earthy palette as the living room. Mostly neutral with rich woods, offset with more vibrant rugs and pillows of terracotta and evergreen. This was the room closest to being completely unpacked, except for the mound of boxes in the walk-in. The amount of clothes was concerning, more than Azriel had in his own closet. How long did the brass think this was going to take? There were half a dozen boxes just for him—suits and ties, jeans, athleticwear, a coat for every season, and finally, pajamas. He pulled the matching set out of the box, eying the baby blue and white striped fabric with disdain. After another moment of deliberation, he changed into only the pants.

Azriel finished getting ready for bed long before Elain, giving him time to situate himself on the side of the bed closest to the window, as close to the edge as he could manage without looking insane. He sat against the headboard, ankles crossed, staring at the communications device in his lap. So far, he’d only typed one sentence of his report, making a note about their visitors, and the small insight into the dynamic between Galkin and his wife.

What more was there to say? The neighbors smile too much and we can’t decide if we should get a French press or regular coffee maker tomorrow.

The thought of Amren reading an update like that almost had Azriel smiling to himself. He tried to recall any other details about the Forth’s visit, but the most pervasive memory was that of Elain’s hand on his knee, her thumb idly smoothing over the material of his pants, the touch warm and grounding. Azriel couldn’t quite remember the last time somebody had reached for him so casually and he had actually let them—much less been even marginally comforted by the gesture.

It shouldn’t matter. Not flinching away from her affections had served the mission. There was no use in thinking about why it was different, or what it might be like next time. Azriel had encountered plenty of beautiful women, even sought them out on occasion, at galas and buildings he didn’t belong in. Dousing suspicion with indulgent smiles and pouring honeyed words in their ears so they might fill his with secrets. It was a tactic he only used in moments of desperation, when subtlety was just as paramount as information itself, and there was no way of accessing someone’s computer or filing cabinets undetected. He needed to find that level of clarity now—let his body go through the motions and his mind focus on the mission.

He was sending his report when Elain stepped out of the bathroom.

Like him, she was dressed in pale blue. He wasn’t sure if the matching was intentional, because the color was where the similarities ended. Instead of pinstripes, Elain wore a silky nightgown trimmed with delicate white lace. Her thick hair had been loosely swirled into a bun on the top of her head, drawing even more attention to her exposed shoulders and the graceful lines of her collarbones. If Azriel had been able to draw air into his lungs, he might have laughed out loud.

One of her hands came up to fiddle with a thin strap, but it was as if she’d snapped her fingers in front of his face. The small, anxious movement dragging Azriel back to himself. Fuck, how long had he been looking?

He watched the ceiling fan spin while Elain darted across the room and into bed, only turning his head when he heard the rustle of the covers as she pulled them over her legs. The warmth in her cheeks had spread, splotching her throat and chest, in stark contrast with the cool blue fabric it disappeared into. Azriel’s eyes found the fan again, every muscle in his body as taut as the silence between them. Until Elain finally said, “Do you think we have time to stop at Target tomorrow?”

Azriel wondered if despite the mountain of clothing stacked in the closet, this was all Elain could find for pajamas. Summer still clung to the air, damp and stifling, but it wouldn’t be long before the wind chased away the humidity and started to bite. Surely whoever was responsible for selecting Elain’s wardrobe should have thought of that. Or at least of him, right now.  

“Sure,” he agreed, praying with everything he had that Elain would dismiss the strain in his voice as exhaustion. “Whatever you need.”

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

alphabet boy II

SYNOPSIS: college AU. Armin, your brilliant tutor, invites you over to his house for some studying. Naturally, you're nervous and he seems to be giving you a reason to be.

PAIRING: SCUMBAG!Tutor Armin x FEM!Reader

WARNINGS: half edited, noncon/dubcon, fingering, non-penetrative sexual content. gaslighting, manipulating,

A/N: really need the motivation to write again and I've been slacking on my multi-parters so here's a somewhat highly anticipated one. Armin fuckers, this is for you. non-Armin fuckers, I hope this converts you

WORD COUNT: 2.0k

II. I.

“You’re not paying attention.”

You feel his voice right by the shell of your ear, and the proximity nearly makes you reel back in surprise but you manage to catch yourself.

“S-sorry” You apologize, wishing you didn’t stutter.

The thing is you’re just really out of your element. This is the first time you’ve been to Armin’s house for personal tutoring, and it was hard to focus on the material when his presence was so distracting.

It wasn’t like you were fantasizing about him or anything [well…]-you always tried to banish those thoughts as soon as it came. But still, being alone with an attractive boy with a disarming charm was causing some jitters. You felt like a shy middle schooler, on edge and jittery.

The last tutoring session in the library when he [basically] called you stupid plagued your mind. The memory of him feeling up your thighs lived in your head rent-free.

“Let’s take a break.” He sighs. Your heart drops at the noise of disappointment but you suppose it’s what you deserve.

You push your laptop lightly aside on the table, the bleak light straining your eyes, and ask for the bathroom. You just wanted to freshen up and be alone for a few seconds. The bathroom is meticulously clean, something even you knew was unexpected for a boy. You looked at yourself through the spotless mirror, scrutinizing every flaw.

You sigh, fiddling with your dress collar. Why you had tried dressing pretty for a boy so out of your league, he may as well be in Mars--you didn’t know.

When you return, there is a tall glass of lemonade waiting for you.

“Thought you might be thirsty.”

It’s a simple gesture that makes you blush so you thank him earnestly. Like the gentleman he is, he assures you it’s no problem. Not wanting to prolong the awkward silence, you compliment his apartment, “This is a really nice place. So much light and space.”

You’re babbling but he engages you regardless, and you two are mindlessly discussing the benefits of living at off-campus housing over dorming. His words are pleasant but there’s a sinking feeling within you as you notice he’s bored. Or maybe distracted was a better word.

“So, do you have a boyfriend? Or anyone you’re seeing?”

You nearly choke at the question uttered through a buttery voice.

“Oh um, not really.”

“Not really?”

You made a mental note to answer in definitives. Armin seemed the type to snuff out anything he reasoned as half-truths.

“No. I uh, don’t have a boyfriend.” And then you clarified a pin-drop later, “And I’m not seeing anyone either.”

The blond hums a playful tune that’s vaguely nostalgic.

“Have you ever had a boyfriend?”

You don’t understand the point of this line of incessant questioning, and can’t calm your heart rate.

“I-um, I don’t-“

Taking one look at your serious face, eyes rimmed with worry and cheeks pink, he laughs. It’s a startling sound like bell chimes.

“Relax. I just wanted to know if you had any experience.”

The sentence flies out of your mouth before you can even ponder it: “What do you mean by experience?”

It’s not his fault if he can’t hide the feral grin that crosses his mouth right at that moment. You can’t discern his expression as you’re staring at anywhere but him, so you don’t notice the uncontained excitement that glimmers in cerulean eyes.

“Let’s move to the couch. You’ll be more comfortable there.”

You think about saying that you’re fine wherever you are and didn’t really feel like changing positions, but he’s already striding towards the couch. So you start packing up the materials, before a clear voice calls out to you, “It’s okay. You don’t have to bring all that. Just bring your flashcards.”

You hoped that wouldn’t mean he’d quiz you, but that’s exactly what he meant to do.

“Law of diminishing returns.”

“Wait! I know that one!” You brightly exclaimed, “ Uhh..it gives way to the catch-up effect which means poor countries tend to grow more rapidly and they’ll one day essentially catch up with wealthier economies.”

The blond ran his hand through his hair before sighing. You could feel your heart drop. You were sure you were right. Was your answer wrong enough to cause exasperation?

“Stick with the formal definition next time. I didn’t ask for the theory based on the law.”

You pouted, and Armin couldn’t help but relish in how eagerly you sought his approval, like a puppy performing tricks to appease their master.

“You should sit closer. Can you even see the word?”

You moved closer to him, knees knocking into each other. He looks down at the completed set.

“Well, you didn’t do as bad as I expected.” Ouch. But maybe he meant it as a compliment?

“But,” the corners of his mouth curled, “I’d say you’re still struggling.” Never mind.

“T-this is a new chapter though. I don’t think we’ve even gone over it in class.”

Blue eyes narrow, and you wonder if he’s going to give the well-meaning spiel about how staying ahead was the only way to keep up. That mantra may work for someone with high ambitions and an extremely good work ethic but you were no well-oiled machine. You had other classes too!

“Why are you so defensive?”

Your eyes widen in surprise at the question, spoken so softly and casually, you almost miss the disdained lilt.

“Oh uh-“

“Listen to me. I quizzed you so I’m able to assert your skill level. And your response to my assertion is that it’s something you haven’t gone over in class yet. Do those things relate to each other at all?”

Meekly, you shift your attention to the rug.

“Answer me.”

“N-no”, you squeaked.

“And what have I always told you? The only way to keep up is to-“

“Stay ahead.” You finished, “I’m sorry, I just-“

“Did I say you could interrupt me?”

You could feel the blood rushing to your ears, unsure when the atmosphere had shifted. Your heartbeat was beating rapidly and you could feel your body go warm.

He sighed, and placed a hand over over your folded ones, squeezing your palms.

“You know I’m just looking out for you right? It almost feels like you don’t care-“

“No!” You exclaim, “I-I do.” Heat pools into your cheeks once you realize your grave mistake, “I-I’m sorry for interrupting you.”

The blond smiles radiantly and it nearly melts away all of your worries…until he opens his mouth to deliver another damning remark.

“You know, with your looks…you don’t really even have to graduate. Maybe choose an easy major and then get some rich husband to take care of you.” There’s a distinct lack of humor in his tone as if he wholeheartedly believed every word he was saying.

Your eyebrows furrow in blatant confusion, and in the back of your mind, danger signs are flashing at the back of your head. Your thighs are growing warmer. Oh no, this could not be happening right now.

“That’s what most girls’ dreams are anyways.” He inspects his spotless nails, “You chose this class because Ackerman’s attractive right? That’s why his class has such a high drop rate…silly girls join, not understanding how harsh of a grader he is.”

You open your mouth to defend yourself but the next inflammatory remark he spews almost sends you to shock, “Though I bet, if you got on your knees for him, you’d be getting an A on those finals.” He laughs as if he was saying something particularly amusing, an undercurrent of spite coloring his words, “You wouldn’t even need me as your tutor.”

There are a million things on the tip of your tongue but no voice to speak them out. You want to ask him why he’s been so weirdly invasive, what his weird hang-up with professor Ackerman was, and of course, the casual sexism was really throwing you in a loop. Still, you have no doubt Armin could beat you to a bloody pulp several times over in a verbal lashing, and your mind was too fragile to deal with this.

You’ll sign up for a new tutor or better yet no tutor. You’ll get over your social anxiety and join a study group. You’ll go to all of Professor Ackerman’s office hours. Anything had to be better than this. You’re giving yourself this pep talk in your head but there’s no denying that your legs feel warm, and the self-improvement speech is withering away in your mind as it seeks to instead process how Armin fucking Arltert is touching you right now.

He pins you against the cushions, one hand locking both of your wrists. You’re shaking but your pupils are blown out wide.

He smirks, “There’s an excellent stress reliever for studying you know.”

You limp in his hold but the cocky attitude behind his words brings you back. You thrash under him, earning an annoyed growl from the blond.

“I’ve been so fucking patient with you, you know? Planning out your study guides, sharing my notes with you, proofreading homework, going over the mock exams—don’t you think I deserve a little compensation?”

“I-I’m sorry.”

He's right. He's right. Armin actually has done so much for you. Maybe it was too easy to take for granted because of how efficient he was, and how he acted like it was nothing. But right now, nothing really was everything.

He smiles. Yeah, this is who you were. Add just a little bit of pressure and you crumble. That flash of bravery from before was nothing but a petulant outburst from a child who didn’t know any better.

Armin coos, “Isn’t it a little embarrassing to be a virgin at your age?”

With unbridled precision, while he’s still holding your lower body down with the weight of his legs, he unbuckles his belt and ties it around your strained wrists. Red fills your face, and like always, you’re struggling to find the right words to respond. To say anything at all. Most of all, you can feel a wetness building at your core.

“I know the way you look at me, you know.” He kisses the dip of your neck, slender fingers splayed from under your shirt, “I know you’re into this.”

And because he is a scientist who must have evidence to back up his hypothesis, his hands find themselves under the waistband of your floral skirt that you foolishly wore, pushing the cure pastel underwear aside. You’re writhing in his grasp but maybe not as much as you should be, but it’s not your fault your movements are sluggish right?

“You have such a funny habit of not deleting your windows and keeping your bookmarks open.”

You freeze.

“This entire time I thought you were some prudish virgin even though you dress like a whore. Someone with who I had to be gentle. But all that fucking porn you read? Nasty. Is that why you need help in this class?” He punctuates slowly, "Because you're wasting your brain for something else?"

Immediately, you remember how you left your laptop on the table. You remember how many times he used your computer to double-check the notes, and you trustingly let him, forgetting that despite deleting your tabs, the hidden windows of steamy erotica were not yet erased out of their existence. Embarrassment violently paints your body.

He doesn’t wait or care for your response as he starts a vigorous assault on your clit with his slender finger, rubbing up and down in a vicious manner. The second finger prods at your entrance, feeling a tight cavern despite the amount of slick collected. Your eyes roll back in pleasure-is this what being with someone is like?

Stop. Get a hold of yourself. Why are you so fucking horny right now? It doesn’t matter what Armin said about you or how he called you out for the fiction you’ve read, because this is real life. But Christ, it’s Armin, the boy you’ve had a crush on since the moment he explained to you what a marginal abasement curve was. Stupidly handsome Armin with a gentle voice and too-blue oceanic eyes. Stupidly handsome Armin who coerced you into being under him.

You’re so fucking warm and tight, and Armin can’t wait to sink himself inside of you, can’t wait to humiliate you further. With nimble fingers he untied the ribbons of your dress like you were a Christmas present, groping your soft mounds and marking up your collarbone with teeth and tongue. Crystalline tears roll down the side of your face. You really shouldn’t be crying when you’re this wet.

“So fucking funny how you can’t look at me in the eye when we have a conversation but you read the filthiest fucking smut I’ve ever seen.”

taglist: @candy-hime

[demi-shoggoth]

2021 Reading Log, pt 36

Last reading log of the year! With 183 books read this year, that’s an average of one book every two days.

176. The Secret Life of Fish by Doug Mackay-Hope. I’ve been looking forward to this book for some time, but like a number of books I’ve eagerly anticipated, it ended up being somewhat disappointing. The book covers fifty different fish species, each with a short chapter covering its anatomy, behavior, evolution, ecology and/or cultural significance, with an original watercolor illustration by the author. Many of these chapters are based on recent research. What’s disappointing is that it doesn’t say what recent research—there’s no works cited, or even just a bibliography. The book really could have used another editing pass, and the mistakes that creep in are large enough to make things difficult to understand. It states, for example, that the trunk of Peter’s elephantnose fish is both its upper and lower lip in different places in the same chapter, and adds a zero such that the origin of hammerhead sharks is pushed from 20 million years ago to 200 million years ago! It’s frustrating especially because with a few relatively minor tweaks, this book could have been great.

177. The Mermaid Atlas by Anna Claybourne, illustrated by Miren Asiaian Lora. Recommended to me by @abominationimperatrix, this is a children’s book covering mermaid legends and sightings worldwide. It is definitely for children, but doesn’t sugarcoat things; it is very clear from the text which mermaids want to drown or eat humans. There’s little skulls decorating the sea floor in some of the pictures, such as the cover art. A number of the mermaids discussed in the book are ones I haven’t heard of before—clearly the author did her research.

178. Gastro Obscura: A Food Adventurer’s Guide by Cecily Wong and Dylan Thuras. One of my favorite books of the year. This is a global tour of food customs, dishes and restaurants around the world, with articles about pantry staples (like mustard, eggs, milk, blood…) and culinary pioneers. A lot of the foodways discussed involve diaspora and fusion cuisine, and the book talks a lot about the impact of colonialism and slavery on food history. It’s not just far flung things outside the reach of global travelers; there’s references to which products can be bought online or in specialty markets. Now, if only the Sourdough Library was open to the public…

179. Strange Frequencies: The Extraordinary Story of the Technological Quest for the Supernatural by Peter Bebergal. This book covers the intersection of the occult and the technological, stretching back from divine automata in Greek mythology to the modern day EVP phenomenon. Rather than trying to erect barriers between science, magic and religion as avenues of human experience, Bebergal shows how these are all interconnected, and feed into each other to create a sense of enchantment. Bebergal is a skeptic, but an open-minded one, and he talks about his experiments making a spirit radio and playing with reel-to-reel recorders.

180. Star Wars Alien Archive by Katrina Pallant and Natalie Clubb, illustrated by Tim McDonagh. This book consists of illustrations of Star Wars aliens, from the movies up through The Last Jedi and the Clone Wars and Rebels series, with short blurbs about them.  I was super into Star Wars between the ages of 8 to 12 (the perfect age, really). So most of the fun of this book was seeing what has changed since then (before the prequels, before Disney) and now, both in terms of new aliens and what details have or have not been kept from the early continuity. The Weequay no longer worship a Magic 8-Ball, for example. I enjoyed looking through this book, but it’s ultimately pretty disposable.  

181. Seeing Flowers by Teri Dunn Chance, photography by Robert Llewellyn. I picked this book up from the library assuming it would be about botany, using the flower photographs as a guide. It’s really much more about gardening, although there is some biology sprinkled throughout. Mostly the anatomy of flowers of different families, but it doesn’t do a great job with that. For one thing, there’s no glossary, so for someone like me, who can’t keep their sepals and tepals straight, it wasn’t very helpful. For another thing, the photographs are much more focused on artistic expression than on being useful scientific diagrams. So this book wasn’t for me, is what I’m saying. For someone who wanted some gardening tips and names of interesting cultivars to try, it would probably be more appreciated. But it was very pretty.

182. Superstition: White Rabbits and Black Cats—the History of Common Folk Beliefs by Sally Coulthard, illustrated by K.J. Mountford. I didn’t realize when I picked it up that this book has a gimmick. It has a Light Side and a Dark Side, which are upside down of each other, detailing good luck and bad luck superstitions respectively. That’s fun. What’s less fun is that the Dark Side often has black text on a dark background, making it a bit of a pain to read. The information within it is good, and I learned some things, but I do wish it had a bibliography somewhere.

183. Fantastic Creatures of the Mountains and Seas by Jiankun Sun, illustrated by Siyu Chen, translated by Howard Goldblatt. I started the year by reading a bestiary, so I figured I’d end the year the same way. This is a translation of a modern commentary on the classic Chinese Guideways through Mountains and Seas. It is by no means a complete coverage of the work—115 or so creatures and gods were selected from it, given commentary and lovely three color illustrations (white, black and red). The publisher’s foreword talks about how tied together age and respectability are among China’s academic scene, so apparently publishing this book, with both authors in their early 20s, was something of a risk. But the perspective is definitely different, and breathes life into the stories and creatures therein. If you want a more scholarly, complete coverage of the Guideways, read Richard Strassberg’s A Chinese Bestiary. But this is a great second stop for exploring this text.

[supraveng]

Moving On (1/?)

Summary: you have to confront your past....what could go wrong

Characters: former Bucky Barnes x reader, current ?? x reader, Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff, Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff, Steve Rogers

A/N:  here is the angsty piece, it will have at least 2 more chapters; does not follow any MCU story line; flashback in italics; attempting an MCU/SPN crossover; let me know if you want to be tagged in the next chapters

@mythandmagik​

Pulling up to the compound you weren’t sure what you expected, but surprisingly you were a lot calmer than you had anticipated.  You hadn’t seen most of the team in the 4 years since you moved to the SHIELD office in DC and you were excited but so much had changed.  You took a deep breath and grabbed your bags before exiting the car and heading inside.    

Tony greeted you immediately with a huge hug, it always amazed you how calming his hugs would make you, you pulled away after a quick kiss to the cheek and followed him through the compound.  “Your accommodations are right this way” he told you with a smirk.  “Wow, billionaire, genius and bellhop?  I wasn’t expecting that” you giggled.  

“I expect a good tip” Tony remarked as you followed him to the elevator.  “How about I pay you with kisses from your favorite niece?” you asked as you pressed a kiss to your daughters head “once she wakes up that is”  “That is perfect payment!  She looks even bigger than when i last saw her” he mentioned gazing at her as you all headed out of the elevator.  

“Morgan has been asking all week when you were arriving, I think there is a tea party scheduled for this afternoon”   

“Well, that works for me, I’m honestly surprised she’s still sleeping.  What time is the briefing?” you asked as you headed into the apartment followed by Kevin, carrying your bags, and Tony.   

“About 10 minutess, I can push it back if you need to settle in but I thought you might want to rip the band aid off, so to speak” he smirked.   “No, Kevin will be here with her, I can freshen up quick and be on our way” you smiled as you settled your daughter in the crib Tony had waiting for you.  “GIve me 5 minutes, and I’ll be ready” you headed into the bathroom to wash up quickly.  

Chatting with Tony on the way to the conference room felt like you had never left, you loved working with him and missed seeing him on a daily basis, but you had actually grown much closer to him since you had moved away.   You took a deep breath before entering the room and looked around to all the Avengers eagerly awaiting Tony’s arrival and the start of the meeting.  

“Ok, we can start, Special Agent Y/L/N, will be running the show” Tony announced as he made his way to the head of the table.  You smiled looking around the room, your eyes landing on his before you walked in and got to work.  Clearing your throat you began handing out the briefing you created “this is my surveillance notes for Mr. Dick Roman over the last 4 years, he has various aliases depending on what country he is in, but no matter where he is, he leaves a mess in his path when he leaves”  

“Hold up, you are not coming in here and talking about so whack job, being all Ms Business without even a proper hello”  You chuckled “I’m sorry Wilson, I wanted to get through the briefing so that we can properly form a plan before getting into personal greetings, but if you need a hug Sammy, I am more than willing to oblige” you stated as you walked towards him.  

“Damn right I do” Sam responded while pulling you into a bone crushing hug “and it’s Special Agent now, huh?  Running up the ranks in DC, I see” he winked at you as he placed a kiss on your forehead.  “What can I say?  I guess they like me” you shrugged as you stepped back.  

“And who wouldn’t” Steve quipped as he pulled you into a hug “we all miss you” he whispered in your ear before kissing your cheek.  “Thanks Steve” you turned toward Bucky who was awkwardly standing behind you.  

“Got a hug for me, doll?” he asked almost as if he was afraid of you.  “Of course, Bucky” you hugged him and as soon as he touched you, all the months of incredible memories between the two of your flashed in your mind as if they were just yesterday.  

You took a deep breath before releasing him “you look good, Buck, I like the short hair” you smiled before being pulled into a triple hug with Wanda and Nat. Laughing immediately when they started tickling you.   “Ok, please stop” you squeal.  “And this is why I was wanting to get through the documents first” you shook your head and got back to work.  

It was only about an hour later when you all decided to break for lunch and head to the common area.  You heard crying as soon as the elevator doors opened and knew the inevitable had happened.  Rushing into the room you find Kevin trying to rock Joy in his arms, trying to calm her down.   Reaching over you rubbed her back, when she looked up and whimpered “mama!’  

“I’m sorry, she woke up a few minutes ago and was a bit disoriented, we tried reading a book and singing but she wasn’t having any of it” Kevin told you with a sympathetic smile.  “It’s ok, I figured the new space might be a bit confusing.  You’re ok, right, Joy?” you asked as she climbed in your lap and wrapped her arms around your neck.  Mumbling something in your neck you couldn’t understand, but you heard her sniffles and the attempt to regulate her breathing.  

“It’s ok, mama’s here now” you hummed in her hair as you rubbed her back.  Looking up you came across a variety of faces, some confused, some shocked and some in awe of the sweet moment.   “Sweetie, do you want to meet mommy’s friends?” you ask hoping the change in subject will help calm her down. She huffed a no in your neck and tightened her grip.   

“Oh, but uncle Tony is here and he said that Morgan wants to have a tea party, but you can’t do that clinging to my neck” you told her softly.  She pulled away to look at you “unca-to-ee an mogan uh heew” you hummed confirmation before she slowly turned around to the room full of people watching your interaction. She gasped when she saw Tony “unca-to-ee! An Nat!” she shouted before climbing down and running to her two favorite Avengers.  

“Thank you Kevin. You can enjoy the rest of your day in the city, I got it from here”  you patted his leg and rose from the couch to follow Joy over to the group.  “You’re sure? I don’t mind sticking around” he responded only for you to quirk an eyebrow at him “of course you’re sure, I’m out, call me if you need me” he responded shaking his head at the fact that he questioned you.  

“So, everyone, this is Joy, Joy sweetie, these are mommy’s friends” you told her “can you say hi?”  “Hi fwens” she shouted as she waved at everyone.  “I hungee, can i hav a nack?” she asked as she looked up at Nat.  “Of course you can!  Let’s see what we can find” she told her before sweeping her up in her arms and heading to the kitchen, Wanda and Tony following behind.  Bucky, Sam and Steven were still in a bit of shock.  

“You have a daughter” Steve stated  “She’s adorable, Y/N, she looks just like you” Sam told you with a wink before heading to the kitchen.  “Thanks, she is a handful, but completely worth it” you responded with a soft smile.  

“How old is she?” Bucky asks, almost frightened of the answer.  “She just turned two last month” you smile remembering the fun little party you threw for her.  “So she’s not…” he started to say but trailed off, with a look that you didn’t recognize, not sure if it was relief or disappointment.  

“No, Bucky, she isn’t yours, I would have told you if that was a possibility” you respond softly.  “Sure” he states before looking at his feet.  “Yes, if i was pregnant with your child, I would have told you” you were defensive now, that he would think otherwise.  “I can’t do this right now, I thought we could work together and be civil but I guess I was wrong” you state as you head towards the kitchen hearing him mumble something under his breath you stop in your tracks.  Turning toward him you walk over slowly, as if you were afraid to spook an animal ‘what did you say?  I couldn’t hear you”  He took a deep breath before looking at you “I said go, that’s what you’re good at” And just like that you were transported back to the day when everything in your relationship crashed 

“Doll, we need to talk?” he stated as he sat down next to you on the couch.  “Okay, what’s going on Bucky?”  “I really care about you Y/N, but I don’t think this is working, I think it’s best if we go back to being just friends” he tells you, barely looking you in the eye.  “Oh…. and why the change?  I thought things were good” you respond trying to keep yourself from crying .  “Nothing changed, it’s just not working” he responds again remaining vague and just expecting you to agree.  

“Is there someone else?” you whisper knowing that something had to have prompted him to dump you after dating for the last 6 months, the best 6 months of your life, but apparently not his.  “No, there’s no one else, I wouldn’t do that to you” he tells you reaching for your hand to comfort you but you pull away.  

“Come on Bucky, we’ve been friends for years, I’ve seen the women you’ve been with, I’m not stupid” you spat at him, knowing there was always a prettier woman on his arm the moment he got bored with what you used to refer to as his flavor of the month.  “There is no one else, Y/N, I promise you” he’s nearly pleading with  you to believe him.   You shake your head as you stand up, the tears rolling down your cheeks now, but you don’t care.  

“That’s actually worse, you’d rather be alone than with me” you chuckle humorlessly as you head toward the elevator, you had to get out of here before breaking down completely.  “Don’t touch me!” you screech as he lays his hand on your shoulder.  

“Doll, I’m sorry, but I still want to be friends, we’ve been friends for years, I still care about you”  he tries to console you but at this point you feel so rejected that you want nothing but to get away from him.  

“I don’t care what you want, you certainly don’t care about me” you yell just as Sam, Steve and Nat come in to see what the yelling is about.  “What’s going on?” Steven asked, looking concerned.  

"Nothing important, just your friend getting rid of his latest fling" you bitterly spit out as you glare at Bucky. "Have a nice life Barnes" then you are stepping into the elevator just as Natasha comes in before the doors close.  You start sobbing and she pulls you into a hug.

"What the hell man?" Sam asks as Bucky drops his head and leaves the room.

"You are the one that ended us, don't make me be the bad guy for taking a job out of town to try and get over you" you tell him barely above a whisper.  Bucky looks at you with regret "I messed up, but I find out from Nat that you aren't even in the state any more. I didn't get a chance to fix things, to fix us" he tells you reaching out for you.  

You just shake your head "Fix us? When were you planning on doing that?  Between which supermodel did you even remember my name?" you spat as his eyes widened.  "Not even a week after you were done with me did I have to see you with another one of your flings, so don’t stand there and pretend like you wanted to fix anything.  You got bored, like you always do, and you tossed me aside.”  

“That’s what you think?  I got bored and moved on?” he questioned looking hurt.  “What else am I supposed to think, Bucky?  You gave me no explanation, nothing.  You were just done with me.  So, yes, I took a job at the SHIELD office in DC so that i didn’t have to watch the man I loved parade around all the beautiful women who were just waiting in line for their turn” you tell him as you think back on making the decision to leave all of your friends and colleagues in NY.  

“Loved? As in past tense?”  he questioned.  

“Yes, honestly Bucky, we knew each other for so long that when we started dating, I thought you were it for me.  You knew all my baggage and dirty secrets and you still wanted to be with me, that had to mean something, right?  But it wasn’t meant to be”  you whisper and feel the tears pricking the back of your eyes.  

“We still could, we could start over, I owe you an explanation, but it’s not too late” he tells you, pleading for you to give him a second chance.  

To say you were shocked by his statement would be an understatement, you hadn’t spoken in 4 years and now he wants a second chance but before you can respond, Joy comes running back in the room. “Mama, com on, is yunch time!” she says as she grabs your hand and pulls you toward the kitchen.  

Lunch was more relaxing than you expected, especially after the short conversation you had with Bucky.  This isn’t what you expected today, not that you really knew what to expect but him asking for a second chance after all this time, really surprised you.  By the time lunch was over, Joy had more energy than normal, she was quickly acclimating to her new surroundings and loving all the extra attention.  

Walking over to Bucky after cleaning up your plate “Look, we should talk, but this mission takes priority.  When Roman is under lock and key, you and I can sit down and try to restore our friendship, but until then, we need to remain professional and leave our personal lives out of this.”  Bucky only nodded in return as he watched you pick up your daughter and head out of the room.  

PART 2

[writingtoforgetreality]

Take It Easy - Little Movie Star Chapter Four (Jensen Ackles x Daughter!Reader)

[Actors-Masterlist], [Little Movie Star-Masterlist]

Previous Chapter / Next Chapter

Summary: The aftermath of the hate comments. Jensen explained that the future would not be easy if you had a public life. Bonding time with Danneel was appreciated & a revelation left Jensen with a plan for you.

Words: 2,022

Warnings: language, mentions of cyber bullying, bonding time, fluff, tiny bit of angst, fake social media posts (picture credits go to their rightful owners)

If you like my work & wanna support me: a coffee would be highly appreciated ❤

~2016~

Sunrise came sooner than anticipated. Wanting to procrastinate the talk with Jensen & Danneel, you slowly dragged yourself out of bed & went to the bathroom. Risking a look in the mirror was a big mistake. Your eyes were puffy from all the crying you did yesterday. Technically, you could go for sunglasses. Nope, you could not do that. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people…& douchebags. Chuckling slightly at your own joke. Hopping in the shower real quick, you hoped the warm water could calm you down enough.

After putting on a comfortable outfit for the day, you took a deep breath & started walking to JJ’s room. It had become quite the routine for you. If you were up early enough, you stopped by her room & took her with you downstairs. Knocking softly & opening the door slowly, you saw her already awake, waiting for you to pick her up.

“Good morning, princess. Slept well?” she nodded eagerly & stretched out her arms.

“Let’s get to breakfast then.” smiling sweetly at her. Just for a second, you forgot all about last night & just lived in the moment. Oh, if it were that easy all the time…

Silent voices made you stop in your tracks. Eavesdropping was not something you usually did but you could not help yourself. Besides, you could tell that this conversation resembled around you.

“Maybe she hasn’t seen the comments yet.”

“Oh come on, Dee. Of course she has. I mean, our comment sections are filled with that bullshit.” Jensen was deeply hurt by what some of his fans were saying about you, after one single post.

“What should we do?” Danneel sighed.

“We talk to her.” that was when you coughed to bring the attention to yourself. They turned around & looked surprised by your sudden appearance. You set JJ down & crossed your arms over your chest.

“Sorry for listening in on you guys.” your eyes flickered down because deep down, you knew what you did was not okay.

“Hey, no, it’s fine. We wanted to talk to you anyway.” Jensen walked over to you, followed by Danneel.

“Please don’t listen to any of them, angel.” the nickname made your eyes shot up & when you looked at Danneel, you could feel the tears threatening to escape. Jensen could tell right away & wrapped his strong arms around your frame. You did not care about being vulnerable in front of them. Even though you were sure you would regret your actions in a few hours from now.

Breakfast was filled with conversation between the three of you. JJ & the twins were not understanding anything anyway & you were glad that they were too young to care about stupid comments made by anonymous people on the internet.

“I’m sorry, (Y/N).” Jensen’s voice was filled with disappointment. Though, you were not sure if it was directed at his fans or at his decision of making an Instagram post in the first place.

“None of this is your fault.” reassuring him quietly.

“You don’t deserve this. And we don’t want you to think that we’re not happy with you being here because that is bullshit. We love having you here.” Danneel’s hand found yours on the table & she gave you a little squeeze that put a small smile on your face. You were about to tell them something you had never admitted to anyone before. It was a big step for you & you were making yourself even more vulnerable in front of them. But they seemed genuinely concerned about you & you did not know why but you believed what they were saying. You just hoped your trust in them was not misplaced.

“It’s just…It’s not the first time I’ve heard something like that. A lot of the families I had been to previously had shared their opinions with me. I’m used to it, I don’t even know why it’s affecting me this much.” Jensen & Danneel shared a look with each other. Yes, they were happy that you were sharing a little bit of your past with them but what you shared broke their hearts. The worst thing was that they knew it was not the only thing that had happened to you. There had to be so much more that you still had not told them & they were scared what would come in the future.

“Can you promise me something?” Jensen waited until you met his eyes. “If you have thoughts like that, you come to us immediately. Because whatever your mind tries to tell you, it ain’t true. A lot of these comments are not only hurtful but also threatening. And I’ll put a stop to this right now.” he pulled out his phone & opened twitter. He showed Danneel & you the tweets before he hit send. Afterwards, they told you that comments similar to what you had read will continue to come at your way, simply because they were celebrities. After all, you were part of their family now & therefore your life would also be kind of public. As much as you would allow it anyway.

To some, these tweets might not be a lot but to you, they meant the world. After Jensen tweeted these, you grabbed your own phone, opened Instagram & reposted the picture you took yesterday.

You meant every single word because you did feel like a part of this family & why you still could not understand why they wanted you in the first place, you were more than happy that you were here still. A few weeks ago, you would have never thought to stay with them for so long. Yeah, they really meant it when they said they wanted you to be a part of them.

“I know exactly what we need!” Danneel stood up & you gave her a confused look. What was she planning?

“Girls-Day.” giving you a wink, she helped you out of your seat & gave you a light push, telling you to get dressed so you guys could go shopping. Danneel was aware that you were still slightly uncomfortable whenever you were alone with her but she wanted to change that & what better way than a shopping trip together?

The trip to the local mall was very much needed. Danneel warned you about possible paparazzi & the thought made you nervous. What if you did not look good? What if it gave the media something negative to report on? Danneel silenced your thoughts by dragging you into the first shop. Your shopping spree was successful & you came back with tons of shopping bags. Feeling bad because you did not pay for anything, Danneel assured you that it was no problem. Besides, you did not have a lot of clothing to begin with & she told you that you needed it. Also, she gave you permission to raid her closet any time you wanted. And who were you to decline such an offer?

“Successful much?” Jensen joked when the two of you entered the house, struggling with all the bags you were carrying. He gave you a hand & set some of the bags on the couch. Your mood had changed drastically if you were to compare yourself to a few hours prior.

“Jensen, can you help (Y/N) putting her stuff in her room?” Danneel grabbed some of her bags, definitely not nearly as many as were filled with your clothing.

After putting all of the bags on your bed, Jensen offered to help you putting them away in your closet & you thanked him. While the two of you got to work, he commented on some of the clothes that he was storing away & said that you & Danneel chose a lot of great looking things.

“So, how was today?” Jensen started a conversation & you were not in the mood to lie to him so you told him the truth, the entire truth for once.

“A rollercoaster of emotions. But it ended great.” shooting an honest smile his way, one, that he copied.

“I know it’d be easier if we weren’t popular & all that.” he sighed.

“Not all of it is bad, though. I mean, you get so much love on a daily basis.”

“True, but it can be frustrating, especially when family gets involved. Still happens with Danneel sometimes.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah, you know, when people get jealous & all that.”

“I’m sorry.” a tight lipped smile was on your face.

“Nothing to be sorry for. This life has its perks, but it also has a lot of disadvantages. When you’ve been in this business for so long, you start blocking out the negative comments...Hey, that was the last piece, we did it.” raising his hand for you to give him a high-five.

Falling backwards on your bed, Jensen mimicked your actions, you let out a long, satisfied sigh. Today had been exhausting, both mentally & physically.

“Now that we know that you enjoy shopping…what else do you do for fun?”

“Um, I guess a lot of creative stuff. I like writing. Taking pictures. Drawing. Oh, this will sound ironic, but I actually like acting a lot.” that peaked his interest. He propped up his arm & laid his head on it.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I mean...Whenever I imagine playing a role, it helps me control my emotions.”

“Do you have any experience?” he curiously asked. Maybe you had acted somewhere before?

“God, no. Just because I like it doesn’t mean I’m good at it.” laughing shortly, then you continued. “It’s not like there were a lot of opportunities coming my way growing up.” shrugging, you enjoyed the comfortable silence that followed. Shortly after, Jensen walked out of your room, telling you to get some sleep.

A plan was starting to form in his head. He had connections & if acting really was something that you enjoyed, why not trying? The producers had the last word & then he could see if it really was something that was just a hobby to you. He had a feeling that you would surprise him, though. Dialing the next person that came to his mind, he wanted to hear his opinion.

“Hey, man. How are you?”

“Hi, Jared. I’m great, thanks.”

“How’s (Y/N) doing?”

“Danneel & her went shopping today. But look, she just told me something.”

The conversation went on for a while & Jared was on board with Jensen’s plan. Still, it was meant to stay secret for the time being. They planned a dinner in a few days from now. Just him, Danneel & you, joined by Jared & Gen. It would also be your first time meeting them. This decision was made shorty after you arrived at the Ackles’ house. Simply because you were freaking overwhelmed with the entire situation & had to get used to them at first. Now, it felt like a good time to introduce you to the Padalecki’s. At the dinner, they would tell you about their little plan. Before that could happen, though, Jensen had to make a few more phone calls to set everything up. Hopefully, you would not kill him after finding out. No, he could tell that you were being serious about this. You might not admit it but he noticed that your passion for acting was way bigger than you let on.

~to be continued~

Next Chapter 

Published (04/10/2021) by Cathy

Tags: @vicmc624​, @imaginationisgrowth, @stoneyggirl​, @alyispunk​, @thevelvetseries​, @multifandomlover121, @samsgirl93​, @supernatural3002​, @diabetes-03, @prettyybubblesintheair, @originalsoulcollector​, @vir-tual, @bellero​, @sergantbuckybarnes (let me know if you wanna be tagged <3)

[kurowrites]

In Agreement - Chapter 2

Wei Wuxian looked up from the book he had been reading when Lan Wangji entered the Jingshi, and smiled faintly.

“So late, oh husband mine,” he sang. “What kept you for so long?”

“The sect leaders have failed to reach an agreement,” Lan Wangji replied, suppressing the deep sigh that threatened to escape his chest as he closed the door of the Jingshi carefully. He certainly did not want to have any unannounced visitors tonight, not after he had been forced to attend the sect leader meeting all day.  

“Oh, and that surprises you?” Wei Wuxian asked, laughing. “You know they’re all quarrelsome children at heart. Not your brother, though. He’s the only amiable person in this bunch, and I pity him.”

“Your family is attending, as well,” Lan Wangji observed.

Wei Wuxian laughed again.

“That’s exactly why I’m so confident in my assessment. There’s not a fight Jiang Cheng and Madam Yu aren’t itching to take.”

“You did not want to join them?”

“Aiyo, Lan Zhan, what are you thinking?” Wei Wuxian exclaimed, closing his book and putting it away. “I know my duty to my husband. I also know that you don’t get to eat during these events because they’re too busy shouting at each other. So I, dutiful husband that I am, have taken it upon myself to make sure your physical needs are taken care of.”

He reached out to a piece of cloth laid out on the table in front of him, and removed it to reveal a tray of food underneath.

“I thought you must be very hungry by now, so I had the servants prepare this. Aren’t I a good husband?”

The food did indeed look good, and it was exactly what Lan Wangji wanted right now. Wei Wuxian was right. Though food had been served, Lan Wangji had found himself unable to eat in such a stressful environment, surrounded by so much noise. And somehow, Wei Wuxian had anticipated that.

Grateful, he walked over to the low table and sat down opposite of Wei Wuxian, who encouraged him to eat with a smile.

He ate the meal in silence as he usually did, aware of Wei Wuxian’s eyes on him. He was probably curious to hear about Lan Wangji’s day, about the topics that had been discussed by the sect leaders, since Wei Wuxian had not attended, but spent the day with a group of juniors just learning how to ride their swords.

In Lan Wangji’s opinion, Wei Wuxian had been given the better option.

“Your brother is worried about you,” Lan Wangji said once his bowls and plates were empty. “He kept looking at me, though he did not say anything.”

“A-Cheng was harassing you?” Wei Ying chuckled. “What a terrible child. I have been sending him many letters so that he won’t be lonely, he knows I’m fine!”

“You should spend some time with him tomorrow.”

“Don’t worry, I will,” Wei Wuxian replied. His mouth ticked up into a teasing smile. “And then, hopefully, he stops glaring at you.”

He stood up and spirited the empty tray away. When he returned, he looked at Lan Zhan with a considering gaze.

“You look tired,” he observed.

It was something that Lan Zhan had come to observe more and more recently: for all his teasing and joking, Wei Wuxian seemed to be extremely attuned to any of Lan Wangji’s moods, always seemed to know how he was feeling. Since most people were generally unable to read his moods, and often confused his silence with anger, and his anger with indifference, this was an astonishing feat.

It was much more difficult for him to read Wei Wuxian, since he was usually either smiling or laughing.

He stood up from his seat and walked over to where Wei Wuxian was standing, and gave him the hug that he had promised him on the night of their marriage.

Lan Zhan had come to crave it. Whenever he returned home in the evening, it had become a way of ridding himself of the exertions of the day. The close contact to another human being, something he had once abhorred, had become something precious now. Wei Wuxian’s body fit perfectly against his own, and the easy way in which he yielded to Lan Wangji’s embrace was as sweet as sugar on his tongue.

“Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian sighed, patting his back, stroking it in large circles as if he was an animal to be petted. “Let’s get you a bath, and then bed.”

“Wei Ying?”

“Don’t worry, I’ve already taken mine.” Wei Wuxian smiled and stepped back. “The bathtub is all yours.”

Lan Wangji tried not to feel a pang of disappointment. It might be deceitful of him to secretly enjoy it, but he had come to enjoy Wei Wuxian’s liberality when it came to undressing himself. The little glimpses he caught, of bare shoulders and a long, graceful neck, should not feel this tantalising, his rational mind reminded him. But that did little to calm his feelings whenever he accidentally caught sight of Wei Wuxian’s disrobed figure as he entered or left the bath.  

His night robe too often remained half-untied after his bath, revealing a smooth sliver of skin almost all the way down to his navel, and Lan Wangji found himself hard-pressed not to notice the inviting sight. Particularly when Wei Wuxian laid down to sleep right next to Lan Wangji, and the robe slipped to reveal… more of his chest.

Lan Wangji smothered another sigh and banned such thoughts from his mind. Scolding himself for his own foolishness, he moved behind the privacy screen and readied himself for the bath. He could hear Wei Wuxian putter around, evidently readying the bath for Lan Wangji, and indulged in a short moment of contentedness.

This was not quite what he had expected when he married Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian’s constant teasing still a vivid memory in his mind, he had anticipated more of that. More irritation, at least.

But even though Wei Wuxian was as much of a little devil as he had always been, his teasing of Lan Wangji seemed to have softened, if one could say that. He never made Lan Wangji actually angry anymore, and even when he did tease Lan Wangji, he often teased him by referring to himself as ‘Lan Wangji’s dutiful husband.’ That, Lan Wangji felt, was no teasing at all. It was the truth. Wei Wuxian was good at anticipating Lan Wangji’s wants and needs. He was a good husband.

His uncle would not agree, because Wei Wuxian did have a habit of bending the rules and smuggling alcohol into Cloud Recesses, but Lan Wangji had by now learned to be a little more lenient.

Wei Wuxian had been forced to leave his home and separate from his family; he was not required to follow every single last rule of Gusu Lan.

Lan Wangji’s memory of his own mother remained impressed strongly onto his mind. Wei Wuxian should not feel like a prisoner here. Never that.

He took the bath that Wei Wuxian had prepared for him, and when he returned to the Jingshi proper, now in a state of comfortable relaxation, he found Wei Wuxian seated back at the table, reading the same book as before.

Lan Wangji decided to take a seat next to Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian looked up from his book, giving Lan Wangji a slightly confused smile.

“What about Wei Ying?” Lan Wangji asked. “How was your day?”

“Well, dearest husband,” Wei Wuxian chuckled and leaned in, invading Lan Wangji’s space with a catlike smile.

(There was the not-teasing again, Lan Wangji thought to himself.)

“I put a lot of nonsense into your little ducklings’ heads. They are so eager to learn! It’s adorable. Makes you want to squish their little cheeks and teach them terrible, terrible things.”

“Wei Ying is a good teacher.”

Wei Wuxian jerked back a little, as it the compliment had taken him by surprise.

“Why, Lan Zhan!” he exclaimed. “If your uncle could hear that!”

“I have known it since before. You were always willing to help instruct others.”

Wei Wuxian huffed and waved his hand.

“Not that it did a lot of good. Nie Huaisang still floundered somewhere at the very bottom.”

Lan Wangji held in a sigh. Nie Huaisang, indeed.

“Nie Huaisang’s academic… successes are no reflection of the skill of his teacher,” he eventually replied. “Rather, it is a reflection of his own character.”

“Harsh, Lan Zhan. I thought the two of you were friends.” Wei Ying laughed and put his book away before he stood up. “Come on, let’s sleep. To answer your question, I had fun. They are so easy to handle, and they eagerly swallow every little morsel of knowledge that you feed them. It’s fun to teach the junior disciples. Much better than thinking impolite thoughts about stuffy sect leaders all day, that’s for sure.”

Lan Zhan quietly agreed with Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian had been given the better option.

“I will go with you tomorrow, Lan Zhan,” Wei Wuxian promised as they laid down to sleep. “So A-Cheng can finally stop bullying you with angry glares. How he can glare at such a handsome face, though, I will never know.”

He had probably built up an immunity by years of exposure to Wei Wuxian’s handsome face, Lan Wangji thought. If Wei Wuxian’s best doe eyes had ceased to work on Jiang Cheng, there was little else that would manage to impress the man.

He hooked his arm around Wei Wuxian and pulled him closer, until he had the weight of Wei Wuxian’s body right where he wanted it; a safe, soft press against his side.

“Goodnight, Wei Ying,” he mumbled into Wei Wuxian’s hair, and was out like a light before Wei Wuxian had even time to reply.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 66 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 244 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here.

--

RATE THE EPISODE 238 Responses

“Assault” was a total hit with the fans, with 93.7% of respondents rating it a 4 or 5. Nobody gave the lowest rating this week, and only a couple of people weren’t as impressed with the episode. 

I wasn’t a fan of previous episode but GOD I’M BACK TO HYPE! This episode was so full of awesome scenes that picking just one favourite and one that made me most emotiona seems unfair

Incredible improvement. Almost reminded me of Season 1 with all the impact/shockwave flair at times

Was amazing

THIS IS THE BEST BY FAR AND EVERY CHAPTER IS FREAKING GOOD

It was a banger 

One of the best episodes in the ENTIRE SERIES. At first i was skeptical because the cgi often kept throwing me off but i was PLEASENTLY surprised how fantastic the last episode was

it was awesome

So proud of MAPPA with what they've done so far! Appreciate them! 💕

It was breathtaking and MAPPA did tje manga justice!

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING ACTION MOMENTS WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 237 Responses

Armin making his entrance by blowing up the harbor took the edge this week, with 28.7% most hyped up about the scene. Following closely behind with 26.2% of the vote is Eren using Porco as a nutcracker to eat the War Hammer Titan. 19.8% most enjoyed watching Mikasa fillet Porco’s legs, and 17.3% liked the scene where Sasha and Jean help take down Pieck and the Panzer Unit. 

Jean vs. Pieck was epic!

Levi was so awesome!  It was great hearing his voice again, just everything about him made my day.  this episode was perfect <3

NUTCRACKEREN

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING MOMENTS MADE YOU FEEL THE MOST EMOTIONAL? 237 Responses

To counter the breathtaking action this week, some scenes also brought out our emotions. 25.7% were most affected by Gabi and Falco desperately calling out for Reiner to save Porco and help them. 20.7% felt the same pain as Mikasa as she watched Eren brutally kill another person. 15.6% were pained to see Armin’s reaction to his horrific action of destroying the harbor. At some smaller percentages, people were also emotionally touched by these scenes, in order: Seeing the Panzer unit’s pictures in their cabins, Porco’s desperate pleas for Eren to stop using him to kill Lara Tybur, and Reiner’s continued desire to end his own life. 

Seeing hange onscreen again has added 100 years to my lifespan.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW EERIE DID YOU FIND THIS IMAGE OF THE WAR HAMMER TITAN? 232 Responses

Overall people weren’t too spectacularly creeped out by the haunting image of the War Hammer Titan at the beginning of the episode. About 45.7% of respondents feel they’ve seen things much creepier, while about 33.7% felt it was more close to the thing of nightmares. 20.7% were simply somewhere in the middle.

REGARDLESS OF HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT GABI’S CHARACTER, HER SEIYUU TRULY WENT ALL IN ON HER SCREAMS FOR REINER. ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW BONE CHILLING WAS HER PERFORMANCE? 228 Responses

Gabi’s seiyuu truly sold this scene and the fandom seems to overwhelmingly agree that she did a fantastic job, with nearly 93% of respondents ranking her performance a 4 or 5. Only a small handful were less enthused, finding the screams more annoying than impressive. 

I’m usually a defender of Gabi, but Falco and Gabi’s screaming annoyed the f out of me

SOME FANDOM SPACES SEEM TO BE MORE POSITIVELY RECEPTIVE ABOUT THE CGI IN THIS EPISODE. WHERE DO YOU FALL ON THE SPECTRUM? 225 Responses

After much disappointment in the previous episode’s usage of CGI, people in the fandom are feeling a lot more pleased with it this week, with no one even ranking its usage as a 1. The majority felt that MAPPA did a good job, likely hoping that the trend continues.

I Thought the CGI Section in the opening bits looked incredibly wonky, But after that it was used well.

I've been fairly tepid on the CGI while acknowledging its necessity. However, this episode used in amazingly after I was a bit dissapointed with its use last week. Very satisfied with pretty much everything this episode.

DID MAPPA DO ONYANKOPON JUSTICE? 228 Responses

Onyankopon finally makes his appearance and the fandom is overwhelmingly positive about MAPPA’s character design for him, with just over 87% of respondents either stating they are super happy with the design or that they’re straight up starstruck and in love. Only a small handful felt he could have been done a little better. 

Nailed it! Though I had to come back and see him in the rewatch. Was too focused on Hange and Armin. 

I honestly don’t care as he’s a relatively minor character in the manga

They did onion coupon really damn well

ONION COUPON!!!

He is significantly more bad ass looking than I assumed he would be 

He looks super cool but his voice is too soft. 

He looks even more like Finn than in the manga, and as a John Boyega fan I think that's a good thing!

Onion

Idc about his appearance, hope his character will just be portrayed correctly.

MAPPA HAS AVOIDED KEEPING IN SOME OF THE IMPLICATIONS THAT ZEKE COULD BE WORKING WITH ANYONE BUT MARLEY UP UNTIL THIS POINT. WHAT DO YOU THINK - WILL ANIME ONLY VIEWERS BE THROWN TOTALLY OFF GUARD NEXT WEEK? 223 Responses

One of the joys for some manga readers when the anime seasons are running is seeing the way that our anime-only counterparts react to the story developments. One of the big plot twists next week will be that Zeke was working with Eren/The Survey Corps and people are eagerly anticipating the fan reaction to the revelation. 44.4% feel that anime only watchers will be totally thrown off guard and that MAPPA has done an excellent job of concealing this plot twist. 27.4% feel similarly positive about the fan reactions for this reveal, though a little disappointed there was a bit less room to theorize. 14.8% aren’t sure as they don’t really keep up with anime-only fan reactions, and a few either feel they’ve probably already pieced it together, or just don’t care. 

The Jaw might be down for the count, but jaws will still drop next ep.

I've been watching reactions from anime only people for this season and some are definitely putting together correctly that Zeke is in on the plan.

I listen to an “Anime only” podcast Where are you they literally called Zeke working with Paradis, but I’m not sure about others. 

I've already seen several theorize that Zeke is working with Paradis. The suspicious nature of his death in this episode clinched it for some of them.

Some of them will be surprised, but the ones who watch the anime more carefully and like to think about things most likely know that Zeke might work with Paradis.

MAPPA ADDED PICTURES OF THE PANZER UNIT TO THE INSIDE OF THEIR CABINS. DO YOU THINK THIS MADE THEIR DEATHS MORE EMOTIONAL? 227 Responses

A small addition, but impactful nonetheless. 53.7% felt more saddened about the Panzer Unit’s deaths after seeing how strong their bond with each other was (or, alternatively, how hard all of the boys simped after Pieck). 37.4% agree that it added just a little more depth to the characters, though it ultimately didn’t do anything to move them too much emotionally. A handful don’t care or were just salty about the addition in general. 

Their screen time was short in general. It was a nice touch, definitely made me pause to get a better look and feel a bit bad for them.

That, and them screaming for Pieck as they get blown up :( amazing additions. 

I gotta be honest, I didn't even notice until I saw this question. I was too busy screaming over Sasha being amazing. It's a nice addition though.

Yes. It shows that the marleyan warriors were not emotionless monsters, but they had their lives, families, friends and were normal people overall. I felt really sorry for them. 

I didn't notice until I saw this question, but I do think it adds to the sadness. 

I was upset by their deaths because they and Pieck were a team and looked out for each other

I loved to see it! It really added more to their characters. The entire Panzer unit being Pieck simps, that is. 

They cut out the scene where the bullet actually HIT Carlo.

it just shows once again how complicated attack on titan is and how much their actions have consequences. no side is innocent

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW DISAPPOINTED ARE YOU THAT MAPPA CUT THE PANEL OF PORCO SANDWICHED BETWEEN BURGER-CONSUMING PIECK AND COFFEE-DRINKING ZEKE? 225 Responses

In the manga, we see a shot of Porco having a meal with Pieck and Zeke while he becomes distraught over the assault on his comrades. MAPPA omitted it, though for the most part fans didn’t really seem to care. Only about 21% of respondents felt something was missing without the small flashback, while the rest were indifferent or felt it never really fit in anyway.

ON A SCALE OF 1-5, HOW HAPPY ARE YOU ABOUT THE INCLUSION OF AN EXTRA LINE FROM PIECK TELLING FALCO TO RUN AWAY? 228 Responses

As expected of the fandom, they agree that any new Pieck content is good content. Even though it was a small one-liner addition, the vast majority were very pleased with MAPPA’s scripting of this moment. Only a small handful felt it was unnecessary.

EREN USING PORCO AS A NUTCRACKER WAS SOMETHING THAT SURPRISED A LOT OF US WHEN THE CORRESPONDING CHAPTER WAS PUBLISHED. WHICH MEDIU, DO YOU THINK THE SCENE HAD A BIGGER IMPACT IN? 227 Responses

A rare occurrence, but the fandom seems to agree that MAPPA excelled at adapting this scene and made it even more impactful than it was in the manga, with nearly 50% stating that they preferred the anime’s take on this moment. 35.7% feel that the impact was of equal strength in both mediums, and only 10.1% still prefer the original manga portrayal. 

I feel like the anime dragged it out a little bit and some angles were meh bc the cgi was more noticeable. I'll have to go back to the chapter to see how many panels were dedicated to the scene

Porco's seiyuu SOLD it. 

I think both are pretty equal but hearing Porco scream and beg for Eren to stop made it a bit more nerve racking.

titan eren’s face during the nutcracker bit was legit terrifying in a way I can’t quite explain 

The music, the voice acting, the scary CGI attack Titan. This scene was impeccably strong! I give it 100%

I felt more surprised in the manga because i didnt expect it, but in the anime porcos reaction made it more horrifying 

Hearing Porco made it even more impactful

Ngl, I was much more grossed out watching it animated than in manga form. Just all that blood and the swallowing...*shudders*

Eren was absolutely in the right here

The swallowing noises and the weird thick blood was absolutely disgusting 10/10

PIECK AND JEAN ARE CURRENTLY WORKING TOWARD THE SAME GOAL OF KILLING EREN IN CURRENT MANGA EVENTS. DO YOU THINK SHE’S FORGIVEN HIM FOR HIS CONTRIBUTION TO THE ATTACK ON HER AND THE PANZER UNIT DURING THE EVENTS OF THE LIBERIO ATTACK? 225 Responses

Unrelated to the episode itself, but remembering that Jean was partially responsible for the deaths of people Pieck loved was something that had us thinking, and we were curious what others thought as well. 39.1% feel that Pieck would never be able to forgive Jean for his part in the assault, but is big enough to move on and leave it in the past. 25.3% don’t want to make a call either way, as Isayama hasn’t done much to explore this facet of her character. 14.2% feel she’s moved past it completely and has forgiven Jean for his role. Smaller percentages either felt she doesn’t hold him responsible at all, or that she will always resent him and is only working with him insofar as to reach her own goals. 

It's war.

dont care fuck pieck

I mean there's no indication that Isayama has even considered this in my opinion so the answer is completely speculative. So like my answer is "She forgot and moved on" :D

She still has a pain in her heart after losing the Panzer Unit, they were her friends after all. But Pieck is smart and she understand why Jean did that. Also, the world is in fire so she doesn't have a time to think about it now.  

The Alliance characters are not allowed to keep grudges (thought at least it fits for Pieck)

The scene with Panzer Unit was so powerful in anime that it detroyed all my Jeanpiku hopes I had after the last chapter :’) I think Pieck could come to an understanding and blame others more than Jean but I’m not sure if she’s ready to fully forgive

I think that Pieck doesn't hold Jean responsible, understanding that it wasn't personal and just counts it as a tragedy from the war.

Pieck seems to be really understanding character and full of empathy. She’ll forgive Jean as soon as he shows he’s sorry for what happened (and he probably really is as long as he hates the idea of killing people)

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 233 Responses

We’ve got a heavy episode coming, and a number of things to look forward to. As expected, 40.8% are most anticipating the scene where Sasha dies by Gabi’s gunshot. 31.3% are looking forward to seeing Levi confront and arrest Eren. 23.6% are most looking forward to the big reveal that Zeke was working with Eren all along. Only a small handful are looking forward to the Gabi and Falco content before they board the blimp. 

I'm NOT ready for the next ep...

ADDITIONAL COMMENTS ON THE EPISODE?

This is where the fun begins both in anime only reactions and in seeing fantastic scenes brought to life.  

So good. Chills everywhere. Watched it so many times and still getting chills. The 3 minute sequence starting from Armin blowing up the port up to Pieck falling from the rooftop is mindblowingly good. Perfection. 

I remember being really sad when the WHT left the plot so quickly in the manga because it had the best titan design imo. I know we've seen her again in the recent chapters, but the WHT was even better with Lara seen controlling it. She looked so cool, calm and collected in that crystal the whole time. RIP Lara Tybur :( 

Ost are awesome !

Thought it was the best episode of season 4 so far. They kinda gave Hange the mappa egg head syndrome in their first full face shot though. 

It was phenomenal!! And really, if people still don't understand why Gabi goes off, they have their head in the clouds. Everything was so visceral and I genuinely felt fear for the warriors. It moved so quickly just back to back; I could taste the kids desperation. 

I think ending the episode with Reiner transformed is misleading yet strategic since it will tear apart the audience in the next episode.

This was the best episode by far! For a long time I couldn't get over how awesome the attack on Fort Slava in the first episode was and it remained my favorite, but this episode potrayed the war so well and you could totally feel the terror of the war with them!

So, so, so, so good. I was surprised by how emotional I got over it. Mappa is really making everything hit so hard!

Loved the episode! I believe this adaptation has even improved on some scenes (like Armin's tranformation and Gabi's screams), the ost and voice acting give it so much more power and the CGI looks better than in previous episodes. Really looking forward to ep 8 and the little surprises Mappa will give us with it 

This episode was really great, the 1st to get me truly hyped. I was very disappointed last episode because it felt very underwhelming was I watched it, so much so I didn't even want to participate in the poll last week because there was enough negativity about it out there and I didn't want to add to it. After staying away from others opinions and having watched this week's episode i gave 65 a rewatch and I honestly think it's a good episode, with small flaws here and there. I guess all the negativity can really affect how we perceive this adaptation. I realized I watched that whole episode looking for any moment mappa had messed up, moments that I knew people would complain about. This week I didn't and I enjoyed it a lot more. So even though it may not be like this for everyone, distancing yourself from all of the exaggerated "criticism" might just make you enjoy and appreciate it a lot more. 

I still strongly dislike how the CG Attack Titan looks but this episode looked MUCH better than the previous one and was even better lit, IMO. Armin looked beautiful, the colossal titan looked amazing and Levi looked the best he's ever looked to me. JEAN! He looked so good and so did Sasha! I absolutely love the character design this season and everyone looked fantastic. Loved it!

makes me wish porco hadnt died 

I think that I was so disappointed with the previous episode that I just lowered the bar. Either way I enjoyed this episode. I'm still very disappointed with the music choices and much they faded in the background even during climate scenes. But I did feel a lot better about the CGI specially since the barely used it in this episode aside from the titans. Oh man I cant wait the anime fandom reaction to Sasha getting shot. 

The episode was much better than the previous one. I loved it. I loved the moment of horrifying silence after WHT was eaten. The lack of music made the scene more serious and dreadful. Gabi's seiyuu made an excellent work as well. I didn't know I was going to say that but I think that Armin is pretty hot. In the manga he still has his cute baby looks, but MAPPA made his appearance more mature. Now I feel jealous of Annie ;P

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 215 Responses

Thank you again to everyone who participated!

[halothenthehorns]

All in the Family

Chapter 66: The Quidditch World Cup

Lily stumbled, a sense of vertigo shooting through her. She'd never necessarily been afraid of heights, but she'd also never landed on the ledge of a several hundred-foot drop with her head still reeling. Gripping the ledge painfully tight she risked cracking her nails, she turned slowly on the spot and eased herself back down towards the chairs, and felt her stomach clench for a different reason. She was the only one up here.

Knowing the Marauders, she expected someone to pop out and yell 'boo,' any second, so she took a few more cautious steps in, eyeing every chair and half expecting them to be crouching down for some reason. That wasn't like Frank and Alice though, nor did the seven really seem likely to ban together for something so childish.

"Hello?" She called tentatively. Nothing, and finally real panic started to creep in as she saw the book. Had something gone even more wrong? Where was everybody else? She really didn't like the idea of handling all this alone.

It hadn't bothered her so much down at the tents because that had clearly been the designated area. This was a box, where were the others?

"Wooohooo!"

She startled so hard several chairs hit the ground with her. She pulled painfully to get back upright and was barely able to spot whoever had even made such a noise of excitement. The seven of them were all going wild, blurring past so fast she hadn't a hope of seeing what was really going on, but she could guess.

Puffing out an annoyed breath, she sat in the seat farthest back and snatched up the book, but did still begin with a begrudging smile of her own. Considering past events, not least of which what brought them here, it was nice to have something so mindless to her as a game with no stakes. If she managed to get through it without a single incident because everybody was having such harmless fun, who was she to judge?

Sirius hadn't stopped yelling since Alice had found them. He'd already collided with Frank in his eagerness to grab one and was likely to die of an adrenaline burn before it wore off at this rate. James couldn't help but grin as his best mate took off like a madman with no regrets. That's always how Sirius had lived his life, and hopefully always would.

Alice was keeping up with him with ease, shouting playful insults and encouragement alike as the two longed for the rest of the equipment to finally play a proper game. Remus was trailing only just slightly behind them looking more alive than any prank they pulled could ever give him.

James wished himself the balls weren't kept under lock and key to keep from tampering until they were released, but the idea made him swell with just as much happiness and eager anticipation. If they could keep hold of these until they landed back at Hogwarts?!

Peter and Regulus were cajoling Frank to go at more than a crawl closer to the ground, but the three seemed to actually be having a good time of it. From his birds-eye view, he easily spotted all three smiling at each other at the very least.

Only one person was missing, and he was starting to grow worried why he couldn't spot Evans anywhere in the stands, even as her reading Harry living this experience reverberated around them. She hadn't been in either of the locker rooms, and her vivid hair should stand out even in the worst sections. It wasn't until Alice paused in front of the Top Box did he realize his overlaps and headed down eagerly to see how she was really taking to this.

"-sure you don't want a go?" Alice asked, and even as he sped over he could hear the slight reluctance in her voice.

Evans very obviously could as well, she laughed as she shooed her away. "Honestly, I've no desire. Have your fun, don't pester any of the others, I'm really alright."

Looking just a touch relieved, Alice took off at such breakneck speeds, even her Firebolt may not have been able to keep up. She nearly collided with a wall before making the sharpest of turns, and James wasn't entirely sure how much of that was skill or luck.

"Alright Evans?"

She looked up from describing Winky the house-elf with the most mild look of annoyance he'd ever seen on her face regarding him. "And if I am?"

His heart definitely soared higher than even this broom could manage, it was the most civil thing she'd ever said to him!

"Glad to hear it," he grinned, and then unable to stop himself, "you said you didn't want your own go, but I'd be more than happy to let you ride pillion?"

"I'd rather jump off this with no cushioning charm," she promised, but he'd swear she didn't roll her eyes nearly as much as usual.

He never could take a hint. "I should stay up here, keep you company just in case you change your mind-"

He swerved at the last second, his foot still tingling where it had almost dismounted on the ledge.

"You'll do no such thing Potter," she shook her head without looking at him now, vibrant green eyes back on the book. He couldn't exactly be disappointed with the view regardless.

"Right here then," he struck an impressive pose he was sure.

"Try again." She was now very obviously holding her wand still without looking up.

"Over there then," he agreed quickly, before shooting off and daring Sirius he could pull off the Wronski Feint before he could.

She was glad she'd kept her face out of sight, if he'd seen how hard she was fighting back a smile it only would have encouraged him more. She got through the rest of the chapter without incident. She really couldn't keep the smile out of her voice as she read how much fun Harry was having, hearing all of them laugh and play trying to reenact the amazing plays.

It still didn't quite manage to keep her thoughts from shuffling in every few paragraphs. She'd wanted from the very start of this for Severus to be here, but for the very first time, she was glad he wasn't. Their laughter echoed into every last corner of the arena as she realized he'd been so right about them, and so wrong.

[cssns]

And now it’s time for the July roundup!!!

Wow... Just WOW!!! We had an absolutely INCREDIBLE month of fic and art last month!!! Did you miss anything? Well, if you did, you’re in luck!! This post will feature ALL the fics and art that posted and updated in July!!! Be sure to give all our authors and artists all the love and flails they deserve for their hard work!!! So without further ado, here we gooooooooo!!!!! Under the cut, unless Tumblr ate it.

We had eight WONDERFUL fics with art drop last month, along with original art from @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713​ and @eastwesthomeisbest​.

On July 2, @ohmightydevviepuu​ and @thisonesatellite​ posted The Sword and the Heart, their retelling of all of s5. We are now four chapters in and let me tell you, THIS is what we should have gotten on the show!!! I can’t WAIT for the next chapter!!! Awe-inspiring artwork by @thisonesatellite​ and @profdanglaisstuff​. Fic Tumblr links with art: Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4

On July 5, @snowbellewells​ posted For Once, Don’t Let Go, her CS ghost story. Spooky and soooo SWEET all at once!!! Chill-inducing, perfect artwork by @hollyethecurious​. Tumblr fic link with art.

Only July 7, @stahlop​ posted Making a Memory, her fic inspired by The Parent Trap. This fic is absolutely AWESOME, y’all!!! Lisa has sucked me in to this blending of one of my all time favorite live action Disney movies and Once canon and I CANNOT WAIT for more of it!!! Lovely and perfect artwork by @gingerchangeling​. Tumblr links with art: Ch1 Ch2 Ch3 Ch4

On July 9, @allons-y-to-hogwarts-713​ posted her original vampire aesthetic. Mm mm mm mm mmmmmmm!!! 

On July 13, @shardminds​ posted her Witcher AU, Silver for Monsters. I have been BESIDE myself waiting for this fic, even though I’m not familiar with the show and the first chapter did not disappoint!!! Can’t wait for more!!! Swoon-worthy artwork by @artistic-writer​. Fic Tumblr link.

On July 15, @eastwesthomeisbest​ posted original Fairy artwork, Within You, inspired by Carnival Row. Absolutely BREATHTAKING!!! Then on July 26, she posted Fear Me Or Love Me... It’s All the Same, and reduced me to a screaming flailing mess!

On July 18, @lovelivingmydreams​ posted Labors of Love, her Greek gods AU. We are now two chapters in and I am LOVING every bit of it!! I’ve been told to strap myself in, so I have and am eagerly waiting for the next chapter!!! Tumblr links: Ch1 Ch2 Beautiful artwork by @mariakov81​ Banner Ch1 Ch2.

On July 21, @jarienn972​ posted La Sirena, her Siren Emma fic. A BEAUTIFUL mystery and I can’t wait to see where she goes with this!!! Gorgeous artwork by @courtorderedcake​. Tumblr links: Ch1 Ch2

On July 23, @shireness-says​ posted A Fate Woven in Thread and Ink, her fic inspired by The Night Circus. This fic is pure magic. Absolutely STUNNING in its beauty and I am BESIDE myself waiting for the next chapter!!! Incredible artwork by @eirabach​. Fic tumblr link with art.

And finally, on July 29, @winterbythesea​ posted The Truth In a Masquerade featuring dueling CS at a vampire masquerade! WELL WORTH all the teasing we endured on the discord!

We also had several updates for June fics.

@lassluna​ updated Swan’s Hourglass, her Legend of Zelda AU with gorgeous artwork by @eastwesthomeisbest​. I am LOVING this fic and can’t wait for more!!! Tumblr ch link with art: Ch4

@kmomof4​ updated and COMPLETED her fic Of Darkness, Vampires, and Soulmates. Tumblr ch links with art: Ch6 Ch7 Ch8 Stunning artwork by @spartanguard​ Ch6 Ch7 Ch8

@snowbellewells​ updated A Cottage By the Sea, her Enchanted Forest Lieutenant Duckling AU. I LOVE this fic y’all and I’ve got my ideas on who has Killian!!! Can’t wait for more!!! Lovely and perfect artwork by @searchingwardrobes​. Tumblr ch link with art: Part 2

And finally we had several updates for fics from previous years!!

@kymbersmith-90​ updated both of her fics from CSSNS18, Slayer and Divine Intervention. Perfect artwork complements of @hollyethecurious​ (x) (x). Both of these fics are sooooo GREAT, even to someone who hasn’t watched either show that they were inspired by!!! Tumblr ch links with art: Slayer ch21 Divine Intervention ch11

@courtorderedcake​ updated Hallow, her epic fic of Emma and Dark One Killian. We have now journeyed to Sultana Jasmine’s court and I am in AGONIZED ANTICIPATION waiting for the next chapter!!! Tumblr chapter link with art

Ohhhhh man!!! Are we a blessed fandom, or what? All of these fics are sooooo fantastic and I hope you enjoy them all as much as I have!!! Be sure to express your appreciation to all our authors and artists!!! I’ll see y’all again in September with the event roundup!!! Until then, y’all!!!

[fatesdeepdive]

Entry 1: Anticipation

Introduction

What is your most anticipated game? Not the upcoming game that you’re excited about, the game that, more than any other, made you count down the days until its release. No game has ever made me as excited for its release like Fire Emblem Fates did.

Fire Emblem Fates was first announced in January 2015. Back when that trailer was first released, I was still obsessively playing through Fire Emblem Awakening, the game Fire Emblem Fates was meant to be a successor for. The trailer hooked me and I eagerly waited for more information on this bold new entry into the Fire Emblem series. The trailer showed a battle between two armies, a monster destroying a castle, a woman dancing, and a duel between two swordsmen. Between these clips, the trailer showed a return of Awakening’s gameplay, the addictive gameplay that’d taken away hundreds of hours of my free time. This trailer told us nothing, leaving me eager to learn more about this new story.

As the months went on, it was announced that Fates would tell the story of two kingdoms at war. More interestingly, the player would be given the opportunity to choose which kingdom to support, adding a layer of moral ambiguity and complexity to the story. I loved this concept and had no doubts it would be executed perfectly. The game released in June 2015 in Japan, but American fans had to wait until January of the next year to play it.

I bought the game as soon as it came out.

And I loved it. I played through all three routes half a dozen times each. For about six months, Fire Emblem Fates was the main game I played.

I haven’t played Fates in four and a half years. I don’t know why I went from spending multiple hours each day playing it to dropping it and never going back. I’ve played Awakening about once a year since then, but I haven’t gone back to Fates for some reason.

Since its release, Fates has gained a certain...reputation among the Fire Emblem fanbase. Put bluntly, it’s widely considered to be the worst Fire Emblem game. And, to be honest...I can kinda see why. Looking back, the game’s writing was filled to the brim with problems. But still, I can’t bring myself to hate the game like other Fire Emblem fans. I still remember asking my mom to preorder it for my Christmas present when I was fifteen. I still remember devoting hours of my life to this game.

So, I’m left with this quandary. Who should I trust? Other fans, or the memories of my youth? Is Fates really as bad as people say? Well, I kinda want to figure that out for myself. And I think the only way to figure this out is to obsessively play the game.

Over the next few months, I’m going to do a deep dive through Fire Emblem Fates and post my thoughts on this blog. I’m going to go through every chapter, every support conversation, every part of this game to answer the question: is Fire Emblem Fates a good game?

Opening Cutscene

Booting up my copy of Birthright for the first time in years, I’m greeted with an opening cutscene containing much of the footage from the trailer. It’s worth noting that the two armies from the trailer have very different aesthetics, one being heavily influenced by feudal Japan and one being heavily influenced by medieval Europe. The transition from the battle to the woman dancing is done by zooming out, revealing that this battle is actually taking place inside a painting. I actually really like this, it shows that the hostilities that this game is centered on have been going on for a long time.

Another thing to note: the song the dancing woman is singing has been translated into English. I’ll be going through the Lost in Thoughts All Alone’s lyrics and analyzing them when they appear in the actual story. The dance scene leads into circling shots of two families; judging from their different styles and fancy clothing, they are presumably related to the two kingdoms at war. The eastern family has a red and white color scheme, while the western one has a black and purple color scheme.

After that, the camera pans into a deep chasm until it arrives in a land of floating castles and islands, which looks interesting. Next, the opening cutscene shows the dancer in a lake, being choked by a large dragon-like creature. As the creature pushes her further underwater, its scales turn into light and fade away, turning into a humanoid form. Finally, the trailer shows the two swordsmen clashing as the dancer freaks out, setting her up as being an in-between that doesn’t want this conflict to grow. Her necklace flies off as she panics and lands in a pool of dark blue water, bringing us to the main menu.

The opening cutscene, like the trailer, hooked me in and made me excited to play this game. Even though I know that the game is going to bungle the story beats it sets up, I’m still excited to dive right it.

While staring at the dark title screen, which features only the quiet sound of waves for background noise, I get a strange hint of nostalgia. It’s a weird type of nostalgia, though. When I replied Awakening last fall, it felt familiar and comforting. Coming back to Fates, it doesn’t feel familiar. I recognize it, and it’s nostalgic, but it isn’t comforting. It’s like nostalgia for something I’ve forgotten, if that makes sense.

Character Creation

Jumping in, I am presented with three settings each for two types of difficulty. Normal/Hard/Lunatic control the strength of enemies, while Phoenix/Casual/Classic determine whether or not units come back to life. I’ll be checking out the other difficulties in a later entry, but for now, I create a Normal/Casual save file. Yes, it’s taking the easy path. But I barely remember this game and am playing it on a deadline, I don’t have the time to restart every level multiple times.

Next comes the character creator. We’re shown the player Avatar standing at the bottom of a lake and given the ability to customize gender, build, hairstyle, hair decoration (if a girl), hair color, face, scars, and voice. None of the options look bad, but the fact that it’s just choosing from a set list of faces is a bit disappointing. Understandable, considering the fact that these assets are drawn in, but that just raises the question of why there needed to be customization in the first place.

A few oddities about the character creator: hairstyles are sorted on two axis chart of Stylish/Simple vs Wild/Slick for boys and Long/Short vs Cute/Wild for girls. I don’t have time to go into each hairstyle, some are better than the canon versions, some are absolutely ridiculous, some are just boring. The short build is the canon design for Male Corrin while the tall build is canon for Female Corrin. This is probably for the best, because Short Girl Corrin looks like she’s eight. Finally, while both choices have three voice choices, two of Male Corrin’s choices are played by Cam Clarke (Corrin’s other male voice is Yuri Lowenthal, while Female Corrin’s voices are performed by Danielle Judovits, Marcella Lentz-Pope, and Stephanie Lemelin). Later games featuring Corrin stick with Clarke and Lentz-Pope.

I flip a coin and end up deciding on Female Corrin. I go with the generic design, because I really don’t care enough to customize her. Speaking of design, Corrin’s design is a mixed bag. Regardless of player choice, Corrin always wears the same outfit: a grey, black, and white suit of armor with a blue cape. Corrin’s generic hair color is also grey, but like a pinkish grey. I do appreciate Corrin being associated with grey, gold, and blue, making them visually appear to be between worlds, but I personally think the armor looks too complicated, looking more like a striped suit than actual armor. I also don’t get why it has a neck cuff.

Also, Corrin is barefoot. Always. This does give Corrin a sort of animalistic appearance, but that design element isn’t present anywhere else in Corrin’s design. Fire Emblem Awakening was kinda infamous for the fact that none of its characters had feet on their models and I get the vague feeling this game is overcompensating.

Next, we get to the details that actually matter. Name (I went with Corrin, because it’s the canon name and I don’t relate to this character at all), Birthday, Boon, Bane, and Talent. Boon and Bane determine stat growths, but they are labeled by personality traits instead of the actual stars, which is both more immersive and slightly annoying. I made Corrin Quick and Unlucky. Talent determines what Classes are available to you. I didn’t care, so I spun it randomly. It landed on Mercenary.

Prologue: The Ties that Bind

Now that we have our character created, let’s start the game. The game starts with the dancer singing Lost in Thoughts All Alone at the shore of a lake before walking into the lake and sinking below the waves. The song continues as she goes underwater, which means she must be amazing at ventriloquism. As she goes deeper underwater, ruins start to appear, floating in the water. The dancer swims into a bright light and disappears.

Smash cut to the Western prince riding on a horse, commanding an army as they charge into battle. The Eastern prince charges through his army, wielding a sword surrounded by lightning. The anime cutscenes in this game are beautifully animated and incredibly cool to watch. The Eastern prince introduces himself as Ryoma of Hoshido and challenges the Western prince, Xander of Nohr, to a duel. Xander accepts and charges into battle, wielding a sword surrounded by shadowy purple fog. The two clash as the cutscene ends.

We then see Corrin and a Hoshidan Pegasus Rider named Hinoka fighting an enemy, This fight is rendered as an actual game cutscene. Side note, the fact that this scripted battle features Hinoka guarding an attack for Corrin is a great way to foreshadow that mechanic. Hinoka mentions that Corrin looks distracted and reassures her, pointing out that all of Corrin’s siblings are here.

The game then moves onto introducing basic mechanics. If you move your cursor away and look at the other units on the battlefield, you’ll notice that all of them have unique names and designs. Fire Emblem Fates shows both armies off to you during the prologue, which is really interesting. Still, it must be noted that the Nohrian Units are marked as enemies and the Hoshidan Units are marked as allies. This isn’t super important now, but keep it in mind.

Between turns, Ryoma asks Xander why he’s invading and mentions a cowardly attack. Xander tells him to surrender and the two fight some more, both doing decent damage. The camera pans over to Xander’s siblings. The youngest of them, Elise, mentions that, due to a bridge collapse, they can’t get over to Corrin. Her older sister, Camilla, tells her not to worry, because their royal blood allows them to manipulate dragon veins. Camilla moves over to the river and a fireball flies out of her, striking the river and evaporating it. The third of Xander’s siblings, Leo, tells Elise to stay back as they attack the Hoshidans. The Hoshidan royals remark that Camilla’s use of a dragon vein means she’s royalty and the Hoshidan prince Tamuki smirks, saying that he’s always wanted to use a Nohrian royal as target practice.

The two armies of named characters start fighting and a Nohrian general named Hans shows up with an army of reinforcements. He then refers to his own army as cannon fodder and says king Garon sent him to kill them all, because he’s very obviously an evil person. A Hoshidan general shows up and we get some more tutorials as Corrin and Takumi beat up a single redshirt. And then the level just ends.

Corrin and the Hoshidan royals run up to the bridge to help out Ryoma. Xander calls out to Corrin, happy to have found her alive and well. He beckons her to come back to her family, which angers Ryoma, who shouts that Corrin is his sister. Xander counters, saying that Corrin is HIS sister. The other royals argue over which family owns Corrin and Hinoka states that the Nohrians kidnapped her. Xander points out that the Nohrians raised Corrin since she was a child and are her real family. As the two families fight over Corrin, the screen fades to white and we hear voices yelling for Corrin to wake up.

The prologue features some good teaching of mechanics, some bad teaching of mechanics, and an introduction to the game’s plot. It introduces two countries at war and Corrin, a bridge between the two that is caught up in this war. I just have one question.

What even is this chapter? It isn’t in media res, the actual point in the game this chapter is playing off of happens differently. The fact that it cuts to Corrin waking up implies that it’s a premonition of the future, but Corrin can’t see the future in other parts of the game. At least, I don’t remember that ever happening. Sure, this chapter introduces the plot, but it does it in such a confusing way.

Awakening did something similar to this, admittedly, but Awakening is a game about time travel. That scene happened, just in a different timeline. Awakening’s use of media res both set up the plot and helped foreshadow the game’s main twist.

Also, the Hoshidans are allies and the Nohrians are enemies. In a game about a morally grey conflict between two sides made up of real, suffering people, it’s not great to start out by calling one of them evil.

These two traits, aping Awakening without knowing why it worked and failing to be a morally grey story, are going to become much more apparent as the game goes on...

[jasperwhitcock]

02. DISTRACTIONS

i’ve decided to continue with the au of bella as a vampire & edward as a human inspired by a post from @bellasredchevy, so here’s another installment (you can read the first chapter here). if anyone has thoughts on if it’d be more preferable for me to post this fanfic on wattpad/fanfiction.net/another website rather than posting it on tumblr, let me know :-) if not, i’ll continue to post here & figure out some tag to make it easier to find!

The boys had left for a hunting trip, so I found myself falling victim to what Alice liked to call a “sleepover”. It was a ridiculous name for this kind of occasion. An unfortunate part of what we were consequently lost us the ability to sleep and thus, dream. I had found this to be something I considered an advantage when I was first changed. I had so much extra time I could devote to reading! Unfortunately, the excitement didn’t last very long. I still enjoyed the benefits of all the ample time, but I did miss the creativity of my subconscious that allowed me to live in other worlds unrestricted by the more sentient, aware parts of my mind. I missed escapism.

I even missed the nightmares at times. I had been such a vivid dreamer.

Additionally, it was even further ridiculous to refer to this as a sleepover when we spent every night together. Without the sleep and the ‘over’ aspect of spending the night away from home, this was definitely the worst sleepover I’d been to in the course of my existence.

Although, as a bonding time amongst the women of the Olympic Coven, with the exception of some of Alice’s ideas for activities, I enjoyed this kind of night very much. I’d have gone with the boys to hunt if I had any intention of returning to school tomorrow. I’d owe them an explanation when they returned as for the tension that filled the car as we drove home from school. I hated to be the center of attention, so I was appreciative when Alice and Rosalie agreed to keep the horrific encounter a secret for now. I didn’t want the scrutiny of their concern nor the dramatics of the situation.

I was lucky that they had plans with Carlisle. Rosalie was able to convince Emmett and Jasper to begin their night early by allowing us to drop them off at the hospital – much to the dismay of my bulkier brother who had spent his day eagerly anticipating our rematch. My other sister easily dismissed their suspicion of our motives. Nobody questioned Alice twice. I was glad to have more time to mull over what to say to Carlisle. As much as I wanted his guidance, if I could put off growing the audience to my moment of weakness for another couple of hours, I’d gladly take the distraction of Alice braiding my hair into a long plait down my back while she blasted music in the garage where Rosalie worked.

Typically when we had nights like these, we each selected an activity to do together. Alice made the choice  – unfortunately for me – to sort through all of our closets and rid them of items she no longer deemed wearable. With the exception of a few favorites, we rarely wore the same things twice, so it seemed like a waste of time. That is until I realized that this was all just a ruse to chastise me for the items of clothing she stocked in my closet that I didn’t wear. My small, voyeuristic sister was pleased with Rosalie and Esme, creating a nice, substantial pile of clothing to donate, whereas my closet ended up acquiring even more clothing than before. I was far too moody to care to protest.

Esme arranged for the four of us to paint together while some french movie played in the background. As an added challenge, she had Alice describe a vision to us, and we all attempted to capture the image on our canvases. Rosalie simply wanted our company as she continued her ongoing project of restoring yet another classic car that she’d eventually gift as an item for a charity auction. My activity of choice usually was the same: I’d select a book for us to read, and we’d have a book club to conclude the night once we’d all finished.

Tonight, however, I wasn’t feeling entirely up for it. Although I definitely wouldn’t mind the fictional escape away from Forks, I didn’t have it in me to sincerely participate in the conversation that would follow.

I wanted to move beyond the events of this afternoon already. As much as it disconcerted me, I didn’t want to be so severely consumed. I was growing irritated with the feelings of disappointment that preoccupied me. I had taken my ease in this life for granted.

Although I knew it wasn’t his fault, I found myself becoming frustrated with the Masen kid. When I began to see eyes materializing in the green brush strokes of the trees of my painting, I unintentionally destroyed my canvas. Something about the perplexity in his shockingly perceptive irises and the intelligence that marked his thick eyebrows when they pulled together was inexplicably haunting me. The irony of feeling haunted when I was the undead creature was not lost on me.

“I’ll grab you another one, dear,” Esme soothed, exchanging worried glances with Rosalie and Alice before disappearing to bring me another large square of coarse, woven white fabric to vandalize.

When the lyrics of the song Alice sang along to as Esme handed Rosalie the tools she needed began to creep into my head and develop new meanings I didn’t want to hear, I abruptly sprang from the driver's seat of Rose’s convertible and ran from the garage. I wanted to unravel in peace.

I stopped when I reached the large, grey stones of the riverbank.

The forest was peaceful. It was nearly dawn; a pale, purple-grey tinted light cloaked the scenery before me, the orange and pink hues of the morning sun that should fade into the navy-black of the night sky were hidden behind a thick layer of rain clouds. The water of the river flowed sinuously by as some birds sang far in the distance. The greenery was enveloped in the fallen rain of the night, droplets of water clinging stunningly to every blade of grass, every needle of pine of the lush vegetation like crystals and diamonds. A cold mist intimately caressed the river, enveloping the landscape in a fresh haze. I could now see the vision Alice described a few hours prior come to life. Here I stood now, quietly, amongst the skyline of trees in daybreak.

I closed my eyes to the muted beauty of this morning, indifferent to the ephemerality of the moment. How many mornings had I seen like this? They were all already cemented in my infallible mind. I breathed in, the cold air whistling deliciously down my throat. On my tongue I could taste the minty, rain-kissed evergreens, the warm streams of blood pumping the tiny, fluttering heartbeats of the smallest animals, the earthy, sweet brooks leading back to the river. The wind softly stroked the sparkling spring water, and as I focused on the faint whisper of an insect’s fluttering wings, I heard the lithe, recognizable stride of my adopted mother approaching. With her came new scents and sounds – white gardenia, freshly baked bread, honey, peach blossoms, a whisper of lush silk, a hiss of air, a gentle nuzzling of fast footsteps on glossy moss.

She arrived by my side but said nothing, joining me in my silent reverie.

“You have nothing to say?” I asked after we stood there for some time, Esme watching what I assumed was the faint hint of the sun rising beyond the clouds, lifting the overcast view into lighter shades of blue-grey. I could feel the slight difference in temperature against my skin.

“Is there something you wish for me to say, sweetheart?” Esme asked gently.

I finally opened my eyes, turning to meet her topaz eyes full of love and patience.

“Not really,” I half-smiled, feeling guilty.

Her beautiful mouth widened into a smile, lighting up her heart-shaped face. She seemed to find some humor in my honesty, letting out a peal of laughter that frightened some distant creatures into silence at the unexpected sound of bells. Her caramel-colored waves of hair shook lightly with the motion.

“Oh, my Bella.” Instantaneously, I was enveloped in her warm, velvet arms. “It is absolutely valid to feel such despondency, but we must celebrate that we are not mourning the loss of another life! For that, I am very proud of you. And I’ve been so relieved that in this life you’ve never had to grieve the mistakes that even I have made...but we would never feel differently towards you if you had. Nor do we feel differently that you’re experiencing a struggle much more strenuous than before.”

She paused before continuing more fervently, “it makes you no less strong, and you will have the strength to resist...I believe that with all my heart. Please don’t feel so disappointed with yourself. You must give yourself some credit and patience and forgiveness. It pains me to see you so cheerless!”

“I’m sorry I seem so...down,” I sighed, resting my head dejectedly on her shoulder. “I guess, to be frank, it just...sucks to feel like I don’t have the super sense of self control that I thought I did. I’m beginning to feel bad for Jasper now,” I snorted bitterly.

She laughed again at my colloquial choice of words.

“Perhaps you owe him an apology. You and your brother have given him an awful lot of trouble for how he struggles,” my mother accused me teasingly, stroking my hair just as my sisters had. The comfort was nice, but I also felt irrationally remorseful to have any need for it.

“Yeah, maybe I do,” I frowned, thinking of having to put aside my pride.

She pulled away to hold me at arm’s length, cautiously studying my face.

After a moment, she pulled me against her again in another embrace.

“I will leave you alone now. It seems you would benefit from some more time by yourself to think without your sisters’ futile attempts to distract you.”

I could tell she was smiling from the way the words left her mouth. “But I won’t allow you to wallow in pity forever.”

Esme released me from the hug and reappeared four yards away from me, the expression on her perfect face stern. “So take the time you need to process how you’re feeling. But only be alone if you need to be. Don’t let yourself be lonely. That’s very important...You know where we will be.”

With that, she was gone.

I couldn’t understand why I was so inconsolable. Of course, I valued her words and the sentiment. My family’s understanding and support were wonderful to have, but I couldn’t shake the upheaval the boy’s blood had wreaked on my thoughts. It seemed to me a cruel joke, that after all these years of so naturally adjusting to this life, I now experienced the true, macabre consequences of this form. Would I have traded the ease that had accompanied me until now if it meant I’d never have experienced a magnetism as strong as the sweet scent that lingered just beneath the Masen boy’s frail skin? Would I have chosen to struggle more the entirety of my existence if it meant I’d have avoided the ferocity of that moment in my suddenly not so banal biology class? Maybe I would have.

This must be some kind of punishment from some god somewhere. Why else would I experience such effortlessness only to be met with an unendurable, unassailable call to reject everything good about my existence? I never gave much thought to religion in either of my lives. I suppose that after I’d been changed, it’d seem like a far more interesting subject because what could be the implications of an existence such as mine? Did my being a monster provide more validity to the existence of a god? If mythological evil creatures plagued the earth, then couldn’t a supernatural deity who created the universe exist as well? Or did my being a monster provide evidence that there was no god – because who could create such a despicable creature?

It had been far more evocative a topic to Carlisle who had spent much of his life after his transformation pondering these questions, but in all truthfulness, it never bothered me much. I adjusted well to this life. I understood why I was changed and didn’t long for my humanity the way some of my other family members did. Of course, I hated the risk I posed to human life, but my conscience felt clear as my record remained clean. I never endured any self loathing for what I was.

Only now did I question myself. Only now did I wrestle with the ramifications of my immortality. Only now did I feel in its entirety – I had experienced strong desires for human blood before but never like this – the true shame of lusting for the end to someone’s precious life. Only now did I truly feel like the monster I was.

I was finally recognizing the wrongness within me.

I was mistaken to feel resentful and angry with the human boy. He did not make me this way. I had always been this way. I had just been blind to the fact for all these years. I had been naive.

He was entirely innocent and deserving of the life he would live. One where his future would not be stolen in a high school biology classroom as his body emptied. One where he would graduate and go on to better schools. One where he would have a successful job in something he was interested in that provided him with purpose. One where he would meet someone smart and kind. One where he would marry, have a family, and grow old surrounded by his progeny.

I suddenly experienced a strange sensation. A feeling I hadn’t felt in years – jealousy. Though I’d never envied a human before, I envied the possibilities this boy had. I never mourned the choices that were no longer available to me. I graduated countless times. I held countless jobs. I felt fulfilled in providing to the world with our philanthropy and loving my family. In that, I found purpose. I didn’t care to have children.

But did I care to experience romantic love?

I loved romance, but I never minded that it was unattainable to me beyond the pages of a novel. I’d met other vampires, but were the odds in my favor to find a soulmate amongst such a rare kind? I didn’t think so, and I was fine with that. I was happy in my solitude. At times, I was the odd one out in my coupled-off family, but I had often felt like the odd one out in my previous life. It wasn’t a new experience, so I never cared. But in thinking of this human boy’s life, free of monsters, free of me, I came to the realization that unlike myself, he could have anyone he wanted. He was not bound by anything other than maybe his own inhibitions. He had the luxury of choice in every aspect of his life but also in love. He had simply the luxury of love itself.

Why were these thoughts coming to me now? I had so much time to ponder my existence, and suddenly this encounter had me incomprehensibly considering inessential things.

I take back my previous feelings about the boy’s innocence. He is stupid and culpable. He’s inspiring stupidity in me.

He’s very fortunate that I have a conscience. I could just as easily murder him in irritation of the havoc his existence is inflicting on my life.

I refocused my thoughts on the scenery before me, longing for the previous morning where I watched the verdant motion of the trees outside the car window after Emmett’s silly destruction of the novel I still had yet to fix. Somehow, it seemed like a long time ago.

In that memory, I eventually found a small moment of peace again.

No painted eyes could haunt me here.

And yet, I was left with a sense of uneasiness, feeling as if my life thus far had been a long exposition, and I had just encountered the inciting incident. I was feeling – though I’d been irrevocably altered once before – as if something would soon change me forever.

we all know stubborn bella wouldn’t yeet herself to alaska like edward’s dramatic ass. hope y’all enjoy hehe <3

[mymelodyheart]

Highland Destiny Chapter 14 ~Unscripted Love~

"Wot?" Claire gasped as she stared at Jaime, wide eyes and unblinking. Her mind was racing, flitting from past recent events to an unknown possible future and then back. So many things have transpired in the last five weeks, that she hadn't really had time to catch her breath, let alone wrap her head around the unexpected news of her pregnancy.  

And now this? If I keep this up, I'll have 10 kids before I'm 40! Jesus H.Roosevelt Christ!

"Sassenach, I asked...if ye will be my wife?" Jamie whispered softly, his forehead furrowed in anticipation, as he waited on tenterhooks for an answer.

Avoiding his eyes, Claire bolted right up, pushed the bed covers aside and got out of bed. "I need to go to the loo," she muttered, hurrying before Jamie could say another word. Inhaling deeply, she closed the door and leaned against it.  

One little two little three little Indians, four little five little six little Indians...,  Claire sang in her head to calm her nerves. It was something she did since she was a child whenever she was anxious or nervous. 

When she could finally move, she turned on the tap and lathered heaps of soap on her hands, trying to remove Jamie's ring.

There was a soft knock on the door. "Sassenach? Ye alright?" Before she could answer, Jamie came in. "Ye shouldn't be running like that...ye need to slow down now that ye're pregnant," looking her over with concerned eyes.

"I'm a few weeks pregnant for crying out loud, not nine months. So stop treating me like I'm incapacitated!" Claire snapped without looking at him, focused on removing the jewellery.

Jamie frowned as he realised what she was trying to do. "Maybe yer fingers are swollen...I read last night that pregnancy causes that. Perhaps that's why ye can't remove the ring."

She turned to face him, golden eyes blazing and face beet red. "Are you trying to tell me that I'm fat, James Fraser?"

"No, that's not what I was saying," he said calmly, leaning on the doorframe, arms across his chest, his hair tousled from sleep or lack of. "Sassenach, are ye grumpy at me?" he asked gently, trying to suppress his amusement.

"No! I'm not grumpy at all!" Claire huffed in annoyance, as she gave up removing the ring, turning her back to him to wipe her hands on the towel.

Sighing deeply, Jaime uncrossed his arms and walked over to her. Slowly turning her around, he tilted her head back with one hand and asked, "Do ye not want to marry me, Sassenach?"

"I never said that!" she retorted, trying to avert her eyes from his intense scrutiny. After a few moments of silence, she softened, releasing a long pent up breath, "Jamie, I'm so sorry. It's just that...I can hardly keep up with all the things going on. These last five weeks ...I was nearly burned alive...I've been assaulted by your uncle...I've been drugged...I was almost raped...then I find out I'm pregnant and you dropped the bomb and asked me to marry you...It's all too much, and I'm still ..."

"Ssshh...I'm so sorry too," hushing her gently as he took her into his arms, tenderly stroking her hair and back. "If we could start all over again, I ken there are things I would like to change. I wish I could have been more forthright with ye from the beginning. Then perhaps some of the things that happened wouldn't have happened. But I can't change the past, Sassenach, but I would verra much like to make it up to ye, if ye would allow me to. That is why I thought Skye would be a great idea...there will be just us. No work, no distractions, no places to go to...just us. There, we can start all over. I'm so sorry for putting the ring in yer finger...I wasn't planning on asking ye today...I only wanted to see if it fitted ye. I feel so foolish now."

"You didn't intend to ask me?" Claire asked, puckering her eyebrows.

"Och, I do want to marry ye Sassenach." He leaned down to briefly kiss her on the lips. "That's if ye'll have me. I know now asking ye today was lousy timing. We can marry anytime ye want...tomorrow, in ten years, whenever...I can wait. I thought maybe ye didna wish to marry me because ye were married before...to Frank. If that's the case, I wouldn't mind as long as I'm with ye." He paused, swallowing audibly, trying to find the right words. "The first time I laid eyes on you, I knew I wanted ye...more than anything I have ever wanted in my life. And when ye walked in at the Station, the day of the general meeting, I've loved ye ever since." He moved closer, his breath warm on her face. "I love ye with all my heart Claire, and I tell ye the truth when I say, I have never said those words to any woman before." He paused. "Weel...except to my ma and my sister...and now I'm saying it to ye." He smiled broadly, placing both her hands on his chest.

"Jaime..." she was unsure what to say, trying to find reason and logic to grasp onto.

Taking her right hand, he looked at the ring on Claire's finger, before bringing it to his lips to kiss it. "Do ye really mind wearing it, Sassenach? It looks so pretty on ye...it matches yer eyes."

Gazing at her hand, she had to agree it did look quite fetching. "It is beautiful, Jaime...I love it. But our friends are bound to ask questions when they see this on my finger...not that I mind wearing it." She frowned slightly, pursing her lips.

"Weel, ye dinna exactly say no when I asked ye to marry me...do ye think ye can picture us married in the future? Besides..." Both Jaime's hands reached out to her stomach, "...we have the wee bairn to think about as well."

"I suppose so..." she replied, biting her lip. After a short contemplation, she gazed directly into Jamie's eyes, and what she saw was the baring of his soul and the promise of an unflagging love. Her heart soared, astounded that this beautiful specimen of a man, can open his heart in all its rawness, exposed and unafraid. It was there for the taking, waiting for her to claim it. Whatever control and self-preservation she had left, it was rapidly slipping away, and it was no longer a matter of choice. "Yes, Jaime...I can see us together," she admitted.

"Weel, if ye can do that, see yersel' married to me, and ye not minding wearing my ring, is it so difficult to say yes to my marriage proposal?" he asked. It was a question that was undemanding of nature, nor was it an attempt to challenge her reservations. Not waiting for her to reply, he gathered her into his arms for a long tender kiss...a kiss that spoke from the heart.

Claire, feeling intoxicated by the feel of his hard body against her, yielded, surrendering to her own feelings and urges, releasing whatever doubts and fear she had. Slowly she responded fervently to Jamie with all her being, twining her arms around his neck, pulling him closer until they moulded together as one, fitting perfectly and in harmony. She realised then and there, that she couldn't imagine life without him as the stirring in her belly renewed, an acknowledgement to their love waiting to be born. In her heart of hearts, Claire found their moment in forever, like this was how they should have always been. Without any more further thoughts, she conceded. "Yes, Jamie, I want to marry you." The moment Claire uttered those words, a sense of deliverance took over her, just like the feeling after a confessional rite when a priest absolves past sins.

Jamie raised his head to gaze into her eyes, his face a picture of bliss and ecstasy, making her heart skip a beat. "And I, you Sassenach. And I can't wait to have ye to myself once we're in Skye."

Claire raised an eyebrow, nuzzling her face at the base of his throat. "Really? And what are your plans?"

Sliding down his hands to fondle her arse, he whispered into her ears, "I plan to have ye naked with yer hair all wild and loose...and I will make verra slow love to ye, kissing every inch of yer body until ye forget yer name."

"Is that so?"

"Aye, that is so." And then he kissed her some more, to give her a taste of his promise that is to come. 

..........

It was difficult to leave the hospital immediately. There were papers to be signed for Claire's release, police statement to be made, and to delay things further, she had a few belated visits from Geillis, Joe and her colleagues at work, much to Jaime's growing impatience. Although overwhelmed with the attention, she found it very amusing to see strapping and burley firemen bearing gifts in the form of pink stuffed toys, balloons and flowers. Even the dour-looking Murtagh didn't disappoint.

"Here," said Murtagh gruffly, handing her a giant box of chocolate truffles before leaning forward for a quick awkward hug. "See ye in two weeks, bright and early."

Before she could say thank you, Geillis let out a high-pitch screech making everyone in the room jump. "Oh my God, oh my God! Claire! Let me see that!" She grabbed Claire's right hand, raising it for everyone to see the engagement ring.

Flabbergasted, everyone stared open-mouthed at Jamie, eagerly awaiting for him to say something.

Red-faced, Jamie shrugged, giving Claire an apprehensive look and a weak smile, and before he could think, he blurted out, "We're having a baby!"

"What?" Everyone exclaimed simultaneously in astonishment, except Joe who knew already and was shaking his head in amusement.

This time everyone's eyes were on Claire. "Oh, Jamie!" she groaned, slightly annoyed that he announced her pending pregnancy. She didn't want anyone knowing until they were very sure the baby was safe from the effects of the drugs she ingested.

Unaffected with everyone's reaction and silence, Geillis was shrieking in delight, jumping up and down, clapping her hands before hugging Claire, Jamie, and then Claire again, both of them collapsing on the bed. "Och, Claire, I'm so happy for ye... cannae believe our wee fox cub is off the market... and ye, my pet, I cannae wait to spoil yer wee red-headed curly top bairn," she squealed ecstatically.

Tension and surprise soon were replaced by hearty congratulations, back-slapping and bear hugs, and Claire and Jamie began to relax and revel in sharing their happiness.

"Aah, a right Fraser ye are, my lad," one of the men shouted, "Ye dinna waste time do ye, getting one of our best worker up the duff." The statement was followed by roaring laughter, making Claire blush profusely.

"Weel, I cannae help it...she pursued me day and night, ye ken, and I cannae deny a beautiful lass," Jamie replied jokingly, before giving Claire a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Is that right, Fraser? Ever since Beauchamp arrived, ye were never away from the station. Ye didna give the rest of the lads a chance," Hugh teased, giving his friend a nudge on his arms.

"Och, it's the Fraser charm, lads," Geillis said, joining in with the banter before turning to Claire and Jamie. "So do we have a wedding date yet?"

Claire smiled shyly looking at Jamie, "No, we haven't talked about any dates yet..."

"I'm hoping verra soon, before the bairn is born," Jamie interrupted, overlooking the delicate matter of the fetus' precarious state.

Before more questions could be asked, Joe decided to intervene, after noticing Claire's slight discomfort. "Right lads, let's leave the lovebirds for now. They have a holiday to go to, and you'll see them back soon enough."

Collectively nodding in agreement, everyone said their good-byes, congratulations and good luck before they left one by one leaving Jamie and Claire once more on their own. It took almost twenty minutes for everyone to disperse, and both were relieved once everyone was gone.

"How are ye Sassenach? It wasna so bad, was it?" He asked, taking her hand in his.

"No, not at all," she replied, facing him and putting her arms around his waist, before laying her head on his chest. "I'm happy."

"That's good...I want ye to be happy," he whispered, kissing the top of her head. 

.........

At the cottage, Jamie took the brown envelope Claire had given him a few days ago from the coffee table and headed for the bedroom where she was busy packing for their leave. He stood there watching her for a moment, as she went through the wardrobe and drawers picking out clothes and throwing them onto the bed. He loved watching her, especially when she was unaware or distracted.

He cleared his throat to get her attention. "Sassenach, do ye have a moment?" When she turned around to face him, he raised the envelope with his hand. "I want to talk about this."

"Oh, Jamie...do we have to? Can't it wait until we come back," she asked half-heartedly.

He sighed. "Claire, I don't want to go into details about it. All I want to know is why?"

Giving in, she walked over to him and took the envelope from his hand and placed it on the nearby chair. Wrapping her arms around his waist, she replied, "Because I wanted to, and it was the right thing."

Unconvinced, he shook his head. "That's no' a reason, Sassenach."

Claire released him and went back to folding clothes. "Well, if you must know, Château Cheval Blanc was never mine to have in the first place as well as the many stocks, bonds and shares Frank left behind. When my father-in-law made his will, I was never in his mind. It was all meant to be for Frank and future children we would have. Nobody could have predicted Frank would die so young and having no other family to pass on Frank's inheritance, I inherited my father-in-law's wealth...I guess by default. De Marillac's shares were Frank's father's shares, and I inherited it by some loophole in the legalities of the will. When I accidentally found out you were Jared Fraser's nephew and that you were trying to buy-out the other shareholders, it was a no-brainer decision to sign them over to you. It belongs to your family Jamie, and I have no right to it."

Jamie's face was expressionless as he strode towards her. Taking the garment she was folding off her hand, he turned her around to face him. "Sassenach, ye still haven't answered my question," he said in a warning tone. "I already know all that. What I want to know is why."

She fidgeted on her feet and lowered her head, refusing to look at him. "Well, after the incident at the charity ball, I didn't know how you felt about me. Thinking that you would have moved out from here after the stunt Annalise pulled, I didn't want to have anything that belonged to you or anything that would remind me of you."

"Ye could have used the money..."

"Jamie, I am financially stable, and I've always led a simple life, a legacy from growing up with my Uncle Lamb. I do not need much, and I'm quite comfortable...really."

"Sassenach, but why?" His hands were tight on her shoulders as if by gripping any harder, he could force the real truth out.

"Jamie, I already told you why, for fuck sake!" she glared at him, gritting her teeth in exasperation.

"No, ye haven't," he replied stubbornly, standing his ground.

Claire suddenly panicked. She knew there was no way out, and the last vestiges of the secret she held close to her heart were about to be exposed, leaving her naked and vulnerable, and Jamie was not about to give up. She wanted to resist, but inside she was crumbling and disintegrating fast, like the stone quarries of Egypt when the dynamite was detonated, leaving fragments of stones scattered to the ground.

Suddenly, she fell on her knees, hands on her face, and her shoulder slumped. Whatever fortification she had built, it was all gone. "The reason why I did what I did is that because I love you, damn it!" she sobbed, her voice cracking. " I love you James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser or whoever you are."

Jamie quickly got down on his knees and took her into his arms, his heart pounding and rejoicing in a chorus. It was what he had wanted to hear and not the drug talking.

"Sssh Sassenach, I love ye too,  mo chridhe.  There's the two of us now...ye're no longer alone. Hush now, everything will be alright." He cradled her tight against him, wiping her tears away until there were no more tears to be shed.

For the longest time, they both clung onto one another, not saying a word, two souls stirring in a most subtle way as the story between them finally began to write itself.

[mostlycompetentwriter]

I Am You- Chapter 4

Pairing:  OC x Bang Chan x Han Jisung x Seo Changbin

Genre: Romantic Fantasy

Warnings: None, I think

Previous Chapters: (Chapter 1), (Chapter 2), (Chapter 3)

Note: Since it’s Han’s birthday, I decided to post the next chapter as an impromptu (and unorthodox) celebration! #HappyHanDay #HappyBirthdayHan

I was losing my mind, and it was because of my three alpha mates.

I had yet to have a moment to myself in nearly a week, always shadowed by Jisung or Chan or Changbin. They hovered around me, tending to me like I was a child instead of the woman they regularly had sex with. I was beyond annoyed with their behavior, growing restless because every time I attempted to stand up, one of them was always there, lifting me into their strong arms. “Where to Myah?” or “Where are we going Princess?” or “Where do you want me to take you, Angel?”

My leg was practically healed. Woojin had even said so, coming to my room and updating my prognosis, now merely a long scar, nodding to himself slowly. “It’s almost healed,” he declared. “You should be fine, Myah.”

All three of my mates let out collective sighs like it was the most anticipated news of the century. “Woojin, I can start walking again, right?”

“Maybe soon, Myah.”

I tried not to sigh because Woojin wouldn’t have known that I required a straight answer. His response was vague enough to likely convince Jisung that I would be out of commission for another week. “What about more antibiotics?” Jisung fretted now, digging through Woojin’s bag. “Did you bring any?”

Woojin snatched his bag away from Jisung, glowering in his direction. “She doesn’t have an infection.”

“I can still smell it,” Changbin insisted, scenting the air with a studious expression that I would normally find hilarious under any other circumstances.

“Maybe another dosage wouldn’t hurt,” Chan added, perched on the edge of my bed, fingers running through my hair while he ignored my frown.

“It’s unnecessary,” Woojin insisted. 

“What about more pain killers?”

“Should it still be elevated?”

“Will it be okay in the water now?”

Woojin’s eyes widened, glancing between my three mates with evident exhaustion. “Honestly, some time away from the three of you would be best for Myah.”

Jisung protested immediately, launching into a long tirade about how Woojin wouldn’t understand how they felt since he didn’t have a mate of his own. And Jisung’s more spirited lectures tended to last far longer than necessary, so I somewhat eagerly awaited for Woojin’s inevitable breaking point. However, perhaps graciously, the sudden appearance of Felix interrupted Jisung’s passionate speech. “Chan,” the younger asked, glancing at me with uncertainty as if he wasn’t sure he could deliver his news with me present. “Another messenger from the NCT pack visited. They’d like to reschedule your meeting soon.”

“Impatient,” Chan grumbled. “Maybe in another week.”

I was ready to protest, knowing another week would be unnecessary. However, Felix beat me to it, supplying another idea that I wasn’t exactly too fond of either. “What if we asked NCT to come here instead?”

“That’s not a bad idea,” Jisung agreed, reaching over to ruffle Felix’s hair. “Nice job, kid.”

Felix frowned, giving me an apologetic look before closing the door. Meanwhile, Woojin was whispering quietly to Changbin, and their eyes kept roaming in my direction. What else was I supposed to think they were talking about?

I glared down at Chan and Jisung as they started crawling into bed on either side of me, snuggling against my sides. “Are you tired, Princess?” Jisung asked, leaning in to scent me.

Thanks to you guys, I wanted to say, but withheld the urge, managing a small nod to satisfy them. “I’ll come to check on you tomorrow, Myah,” Woojin said, and my eyes sorrowfully followed him all the way out the door, groaning when I heard Changbin announce it was time for another bath.

I wanted to be with my mates when we formally greeted the NCT representatives, but they forced me to stay in bed. I was a little heartbroken because I had been looking forward to meeting new faces. It was always exciting when new scents were around. Thankfully, kind-hearted Amelia, Hyunjin’s beautiful Omega mate, was keeping me company. The usually soft-spoken female was chattering openly about the unexpected size of the NCT diplomats. Apparently, Chan was very unhappy having so many foreigners around. “Do they have accents?” I asked.

Amelia giggled. “Some of them do. Not all of them are from the north, apparently.”

“I want to see them,” I sighed, glaring at my leg. “I hate being bedridden.”

“Maybe I can help you sneak out?” Amelia suggested mischievously. 

I briefly entertained the idea. “There’s no way I can get past three alphas. Especially Changbin, he’s too good at catching my scent.”

Amelia pouted, sharing my disappointment. “There’s a big dinner tonight to welcome them. Maybe you can convince them to let you go.”

But even such a simple request was like pulling teeth. 

“Please Channie,” I pleaded with my mate, nuzzling against him in the way I knew he liked, batting my eyelashes as I put on my best pout. 

Chan, however, was undeterred. “Not like this, Myah,” he said sternly. “There’s too many of them.”

Fine, I had two other mates who were less stoic. 

“I don’t think so, angel,” Changbin chuckled, further crushing my hopes.

“Chan already told you no, Princess,” Jisung said, but his resolve was not nearly as strong.

“Please, Sungie,” I tried again. “It would really mean a lot to me.”

“Well, maybe for a little while-”

And that’s how I found myself talking animatedly with Amelia and her younger sister, Lila, while the three of us eagerly made easy work of the feast the pack had prepared for our visitors. “I can’t believe they let you come!” Lila said at one point, shock evident on her face. “Chan made it sound like you would be out for weeks!”

I rolled my eyes. “He’s just being dramatic.”

“Mates are always dramatic,” Amelia agreed, glancing over at Hyunjin who was laughing with Felix and a few NCT members.

“They keep looking over here,” Lila said nervously and I immediately turned to glare at Changbin, the dark-haired boy sheepishly returning to his conversation with Seungmin.

“Ignore them,” I insisted. “Tell me about the newcomers.”

“Taeyong couldn’t make it,” Amelia said, “but he sent his Beta.” She nodded towards the smaller boy talking with Chan and Jisung. “Mark.”

I appraised him carefully, deciding his appearance must be deceitful, as he certainly didn’t look capable of harming a fly. “He brought seven wolves with him,” Amelia informed me. “That’s a lot more than we were expecting.”

“It’s disconcerting,” Lila admitted. “I think that’s why Chan is so suspicious.”

“They haven’t said anything to me,” I shrugged.

“They’re too worried about keeping you inside all day,” Amelia groaned dramatically. “The kitchens are boring without you!”

“I miss working,” I admitted. “I just wish Woojin would take the cast off.”

“He probably doesn’t want to take any chances,” Lila inserted. “After all, you are the pack alpha’s mate.”

“If it was up to Chan, I would stay at home every day,” I said, frowning. 

“He’s overprotective,” Amelia said. “All alphas are.”

“I like being outside and he knows that,” I said, suddenly feeling a burning irritation towards my mates, especially after having my first taste of freedom in over a week.

“Looks like Haechan is coming back,” Amelia teased her little sister and I glanced up at the approaching male.

“Hello,” Haechan bowed respectfully. I grinned at Lila’s blush. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Myah.”

“Likewise,” I returned. “I’ve been dealing with an injury lately.”

“Your mates told us,” Haechan said, nodding to the empty seat next to Lila. “Can I join?”

Lila let out a weak noise, perhaps agreement, and Haechan slid into the seat next to her. “Tell us about the north?” I asked eagerly, drowning out all other discussions as I allowed Haechan’s descriptions to fill my head. The north sounded beautiful, a land of snow and ice, unbearably cold in the winters, but rather pleasant during the hotter seasons. It wasn’t a long distance from the valley. An easily manageable walk when (and if) my mates ever decided I could make use of my own two feet again.

“I want to go! I think it sounds like a dream.”

“It’s fine,” Haechan said dismissively, but the look in his eyes told another story. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One Year Ago

“You should ask Changbin.”

I glanced up in surprise. “You don’t want to help with my heat?”

Jisung always took pride in being my first choice, especially since it provided a way for us to spend some time alone together, even if I was an incoherent mess for most of the duration. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with Chan or Changbin, but Chan was rather aggressive when I was in heat and I had never asked Changbin before. He was adamant about refusing sex during his ruts, so I figured he would have a similar attitude when it came time for my heats.

Jisung shrugged. “I think Changbin is upset that you never ask him.”

“He’s never said anything before...” In fact, the idea of Changbin being upset over something like this was hard to grasp.

“Well, I think it’s because he thinks you don’t want him,” Jisung said.

I scoffed at the ridiculous statement. “He never lets me near him when he’s rutting. I figured he wouldn’t want anything to do with my heats.”

“I think you’re wrong this time, princess,” Jisung said. “Changbin’s told me before that he’s always available to help if I’m not feeling up to it.”

“Huh,” I drawled, deciding I felt very inconsiderate at that moment. I suppose I just got used to asking Jisung whenever my symptoms started to flare up. It became habitual, and I didn’t stop to think about how my other mates might feel. “Well, I guess I can ask him instead.”

Jisung offered an encouraging smile. “I think it will make him very happy.”

I found Changbin later that day, sparring outside with Chan. The two were imposing as wolves, teeth bared and jaws snapping at one another. I glanced around with amusement at the younger alphas, watching the exchange with wide, curious eyes. I had forgotten that Chan and Changbin were teaching the sparring classes now that Hyunjin was away with his mate, spending time with Amelia’s family before the two returned. 

I waited patiently for my two mates to finish, taking the time to admire how powerful they were together. Chan and Changbin were both larger for their size, extending from years of impressive breeding and mating with strong bloodlines. Of course, no other wolf in the pack could really compare to Changbin. He was by far the largest wolf I had ever seen, easily eclipsing Jisung in size and somehow managing to even make Chan look like a pup. 

The two were talking in low voices together, wearing nothing but sweatpants when I approached them after their lesson. Changbin picked up on my scent first, eyes easily locating me from amongst the other members of our pack. Chan followed his gaze and a wide smile filled out the corners of his lips. “I’m surprised to see you here,” Chan gushed while proceeding to crush me against his much stronger body. 

“Too much,” I tried to tell him, but eventually surrendered, taking in his familiar scent with a deep inhale.

“Do you need something, angel?” Changbin asked, proving to be my saving grace when Chan’s arms finally released me.

I took in a deep breath. “Actually, I’d like to talk to you.”

“This sounds serious,” Chan remarked, leaning in close as if the answer were waiting in my scent.

“Alone,” I emphasized, giving Chan a pointed look.

He let out a dramatic sigh but conceded the space I needed. However, I still waited until he was far enough away before reaching out for Changbin. “Let’s go somewhere quieter.” I wrapped my hand around his bicep, directing him through the lingering crowd of our packmates. Changbin grabbed a black t-shirt on the way, stretching it out over his head.

I was suddenly nervous when we were finally alone, anxiously fidgeting in front of the bigger alpha. “So, how is everything?” I asked cautiously, trying to reformulate my proposal, hoping to make it sound as casual as possible.

Changbin arched one brow. “Are you alright, Myah?”

I let out a nervous giggle. “I have something to ask you.”

Changbin nodded, encouraging me to continue. “I’m listening.”

“That thing is coming up,” I started, wincing when I realized I was already messing everything up.

Changbin smirked. “That thing?”

“Yeah,” I agreed as if he could possibly understand what I was talking about. “I was wondering if you wanted to help.”

Changbin crossed his arms over his chest, the sleeves of his black t-shirt straining. “Angel, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“My heat, Changbin! I want you to help me with my heat.”

My face was red, and I could feel my cheeks heating up because I knew how rushed I just sounded. The words had spilled out carelessly in one of the worst proposals in Werewolf history. Changbin even looked surprised, looking down at me wordlessly. “Uh, I mean, if you don’t want to-”

“I’d love to help,” Changbin finally said, a genuine, and rare, smile brightening his dark features. 

“Well, I know you’ve been busy lately-”

“Angel,” he interrupted again, wrapping an arm around my waist to pull me closer. He pressed a brief kiss to my forehead. “I’ve been waiting to hear you ask for a while now.” I leaned up to nose at his scent gland, amazed that he could ease my tension with just a few, select touches.

[poorreputation]

Undertaker: The Last Ride

When I say I've been waiting years for this, I'm serious. Ever since Undertaker's loss at Wrestlemania 30, and shortly after that the news he would be on the Stone Cold Podcast, I've been eagerly anticipating seeing Mark Calaway speak as himself. Many fans have been hesitant to watch Calaway out of character, worried it would ruin the mystique of the Undertaker, but I've felt for years that the work put into these characters behind the scenes is just as fascinating as the fiction.

I watched episode one soon after it aired, and want to do a rewatch/reaction post before episode two drops tonight. Join me, if you wish.

If you've not seen the episode, a little content warning: there is blood, gore in a surgical setting (very, very graphic, but only there for a couple seconds at a time), needles, and implied injuries, including details of Mark's concussion at WM30.

CHAPTER 1: THE GREATEST FEAR

The series, all five episodes, takes place between 2017 and 2020. Chapter 1 covers Wrestlemania 33, and his match with Roman Reigns, which was intended to be his last.

This is the first time Mark Calaway's really opened up about his work, and himself in general. There's other instances of him being interviewed, even mixing fact and kayfabe, but never on a platform like this, certainly not with WWE.

Mark: You know they call me Santa Clause, now, right? Because I only come out once a year.

Jimmy Hart, being the sweetest: That's all you need to. You look great.

These backstage segments of Calaway with his coworkers are honestly some of the best parts of the episode. A transcript can only do so much justice.

Roman Reigns, upcoming opponent of the Undertaker, signs in at the lobby desk right next to Mark, being a smartass. Screw your camera guy, indeed.

Mark meditates on the struggles of working only once a year, and throughout the episode, chronicles the moments and injuries that make an already challenging schedule nearly impossible. Chasing the dragon that is the perfect match has lead him to a stalemate with himself and his character: if the Undertaker can go out in a match fitting of him at Wrestlemania, Mark Calaway will be happy.

Gah, baby 'Taker at his Survivor Series debut always gets me. No one could've called the run that boy was about to go on. I see other people call this portion of the episode the mythologizing of the character, building him up to be this big deal, and it's so funny to me because I wouldn't be watching if I didn't already think that of him. Like, y'all are just preaching to the choir, at this point. That, and so much that's been said here has been consistent with what Mark's peers have told about him in the past, it just feels like catching people up rather than building an image from scratch.

Say what you will about Vince McMahon (and there's a lot to be said), but there's something special about his comments on Mark Calaway. You rarely get to hear the guy talk candidly as it is, so when he does, you know it's important.

Calaway describing the weight, the prestige of Wrestlemania... and then the sneer he makes after that statement. I ain't a journalist, so I'll freely speculate: 'Mania's for the best of the best, and he just doesn't see himself as deserving to be there, not right now, at least.

Other wrestlers, from Orton to Edge to Batista, talk about what an honor, and mark of trust, it is to work with Undertaker, period. To work with him at Wrestlemania? You've arrived. The implication of what this would, or should, have meant for Roman is clear. It's a wonder if this image that his coworkers built up of him affected Mark's own expectations of himself. I mean, it's more or less spelled out in the episode, and it is the pro wrestling way to go out on your back, losing to someone who can use the rub, but, just throwing it out there, 'Taker had more pressure on him than most. That legacy, 'Mania, and the worry of managing to physically move during a match? It's overwhelming.

For those confused about why working once or twice a year would be so much more difficult than working hundreds of shows in that same time span, Steve Austin sums it up best: the road keeps you calloused and bruised. Ring rust from inactivity, due to being away or rehabbing an injury, gets you both mentally and physically. Knowing Mark's doing this process every year in his 50′s is insane.

During this, Steve plainly states that to go through that, and the many surgeries as Michelle McCool, Mark's wife, mentioned, it makes him a tough son of a bitch. It's an interesting note, considering we start this episode with Mark referring to that toughness as a thing of the past. His perception of himself, and what his peers see, is another fascinating aspect of the documentary.

Calaway talks about how nerve-racking the final workout before 'Mania is. The worry you'll hurt something while trying to train. Later, when other wrestlers talk about how calm, cool and collected 'Taker always seems... it's like they've built him up to be superhuman; Invulnerable to the same things and fears that plague all athletes. They talk about the physical decline, of course, that’s inevitable. But the mental side of things is where the biggest differences are.

Hoo boy, WrestleMania 30, the cause of my first major bout with depression. After that match between Undertaker and Brock Lesnar, not only was I crying and distressed, but there was then the news of Mark Calaway's hospitalization that was the numbing cherry on top. I remember registering how much more important the man's health was, but it was like I couldn't get any more upset. 

After that, I'd read up on so many rumors, that the only new bit of information here in the documentary is about when Mark's being rushed to the ER; how Vince infamously left the arena before 'Mania was over just to make sure Mark was okay, and, in new info, Brock was in the car with him. I cannot stress enough how humanizing that is to hear, especially considering how closely guarded Brock is about his persona, and how the man and the character are often so blended together. Time heals all wounds, but I really appreciated hearing that.

So, the injury for the uninformed: during the match with Brock, 'Taker got concussed. No one knows when it happened, much less Mark, who can't remember anything from after 3:30 PM that afternoon. To say I, and many others, were convinced this was it, he'd retire, would be an understatement. Many people felt he should retire, I did too, at one point. But, I could also tell Calaway wouldn't want to leave on such a note, because frankly, the match sucked. That's what happens when one person gets knocked the fuck out, and the other guy's gotta improvise. The fact 'Taker's going on muscle memory while he's out is nothing short of a miracle.

With WM30 in the books, 'Taker was at a low point, his confidence shot and a lot riding on his match with Bray Wyatt at WrestleMania 31 (or Play Button, if you prefer). Bray himself recalling how nervous he was, but how chill Undertaker appeared, in comparison.

Triple H's pep talk with 'Taker backstage is another gem, and I just love their friendship. I love the raw vulnerability this series is providing, both when it comes to 'Taker, and everyone else around him. I hope it's a constant through the rest of the docuseries.

WM31 was an ego boost, and leads into the superior Brock-Undertaker program in 2015. It's not highlighted as much, but it's fire, and I think allowed Calaway to redeem himself a bit, in his eyes. Not too much, since he didn't retire, but it made fans really start to come back 'round.

Now, I liked WM32 because I got to see it in person, and it was the first time I'd ever seen Undertaker live, so I'm a biased bitch. Anyone signing up to work Hell in a Cell is a ballsy move, and considering how old both 'Taker and Shane McMahon were going into that is no small feat. I liked it, it was a spectacle, and I was sports entertained. There is the implication, between showing clips of WM32 and 'Taker's appearance at the 2017 Royal Rumble, that Calaway wasn't satisfied with how the former turned out. It becomes fully fleshed out he's talking about entering the RR, and feeling intense regret, but that he was also disappointed with the former. Again, if he were happy with it, he'd have retired, but that's again the difference between what the fans see and what the wrestler sees. I, and I imagine roughly 100,000 others, had the time of our lives; Mark Calaway was, and still is, chasing perfection.

With RR 2017, Mark freely admits that he had no business being there. It sounds truly like his thought process in the moment, and not just the regret of how WM33 went down, and that the build for that match began when he and Roman went toe-to-toe at the Rumble.

Back to WM33 weekend. 'Taker's finished up the final workout, and is talking about his place on the upcoming card:

Mark: Regardless of my injuries, regardless of my age, regardless of everything that has happened, if I'm on the card, there's some young guy that's making a lot of the shows through the year, you know, that may not be on that card. So, it's my duty to make sure that it's worth putting me on the card. No one would probably say it to my face if I stunk it up, (but) I would know, and that's one of my biggest fears, and um, is becoming a parody of myself.

This is someone who's also been reading the rumor mill, the comments, general fan reaction. It's neat he's so receptive to fan interaction, and makes me wonder if he's actually been doing this for years, but it's also sad to watch him only see the negative sides. The Undertaker, as a character, wouldn't have worked for so long without innovation, so being open-minded is important. And, I'm all for Mark Calaway doing what he wants with his life, but, for him, will anything, any match, ever be good enough?

It's the night of the Hall of Fame 2017 and we see Mark and Michelle backstage greeting people. We get a shot of Mark saying hi to the likes of the late Bruno Sammartino, inductees Sean Waltman and Kurt Angle, and I just love how dolled up Michelle looks, whereas Mark's just in jeans, a dress shirt and a cap. I love their dynamic, so so much. Also, Mark and Kurt's friendship, that's adorable. One of the good things to happen when I found out about kayfabe was thinking how these characters who normally hate each other on screen, were really besties backstage. It's a thought that still tickles me to this day, and watching that in the episode on several occasions is a joy to behold.

Kurt's talking about 'Taker's role as locker room leader, and Mark mentions how it wasn't ever something he actively pursued, it just happened. Being locker room leader just seems to be yet another thing added to the legend of the Undertaker. Makes a bit more sense why Mark's peers put him on a pedestal.

Wrestlers are talking about how, very early on, Undertaker set the benchmark, the gold standard, of work every night. John Bradshaw Layfield goes on to say, "(Mark) was the yardstick. And if you did well, then pretty much you were in, if not, then you were out, because you knew if you didn't do well, it wasn't the Undertaker's fault." That explains why it hurts so much for 'Taker to not be at his best. I mean, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that out, but it's fascinating to see all of these elements come together. It's also interesting to hear JBL build up 'Taker as the greatest of all time, and then plainly say he's never seen Mark in worse shape than he was heading into WM33.

On a lighter note, it's real funny to hear Mark and Roman talk about the latter's new twins (from 2017) considering he's got another set of twins on the way, now. Just in general, Roman going on about how much he loves talking to Mark about work, but mostly family and to hear the stories Mark's got to tell, you can see how much this match means to him. The prestige of working with 'Taker at any point, let alone 'Mania, he knows this is the highlight of his career. I can't help but respect Roman for that, and couldn't help but feel that way going into WM33. It's a stark difference from how I felt about Brock post-WM30, and I honestly thought I was prepared to watch Undertaker take his rumored loss at this show.

It's the night before 'Mania, and they're doing entrance rehearsals. The stage setup for this show was so cool, guys, it took inspiration from the theme parks that are littered throughout Orlando, and was a beauty to see live, especially when it got dark. And 'Taker's entrance, even in practice, is a spectacle.

Cuts to the day of WrestleMania 33. General nerves are felt, and the start of a very long day begins.

Mark: People say, "All you gotta do is go out there and chokeslam somebody, make your entrance, and everybody's gonna be happy." No. I'm not gonna be happy. Like when I say, and this isn't stupid man pride, or cliche stuff. I'm either gonna go out in a match that's befitting the Undertaker at WrestleMania, or I'm going out on my shield, one way or another.

And there we have it, the subject of this docuseries.

Roman talking about the weight of potentially being the last person to work with the Undertaker, it just makes you feel bad for him things didn't work out quite the way they planned. But, it's as JBL summed up before, no matter the outcome or if it's really 'Taker's last match, this is the biggest night of Roman Reigns' career. I know episode 2 will focus on the aftermath of WM33, and Mark's reaction, and what gets him to come back to wrestling, but I hope they get Roman's take as well. Is he as disappointed as 'Taker? Does he blame himself? Or, did he actually like what they did, flaws and all?

Content warning: they show the botched top rope dive from WM25, the one where 'Taker goes head-first into the mat. It's during the segment where Mark explains how he comes from the era of 'if you can move, you can make it to the ring'. He's okay, and we know he's okay, but it doesn't make it hurt any less to watch. They also mention the time he was severely sick and still worked a match with Big Show, and how he caught on fire in 2010 on the way to the Elimination Chamber match. Like, they actually show him engulfed in flames, then narrate how he went on to work the match. I love you, Undertaker, but JFC.

And now we're at the medical portion of the episode. Warning for needles.

Actual showtime for the match, and even now, 'Taker's entrance gives me chills. That feeling of happiness is indescribable, and is that precious something that never fails to make me smile.

So, everything else in the match is framed as great, brutal, well-done, and then that damn botched tombstone reversal comes up, and it's honestly the hardest thing to watch in the entire episode. I swear, it's the only bad thing in my eyes, and seems to be enough to make 'Taker dissatisfied. Again, I'm biased, with others saying his whole mood was off during the match, and that affected the overall performance, so what do I know? But, I will say this, ending 'Mania on such a grim note will always be a strange choice to me. I get it, if not the main event, where else would you put the Undertaker’s retirement match? Still, it completely changed my perception of the whole night, from riding high to finding myself depressed, once again. And maybe that’s exactly what all those wrestlers, namely Vince McMahon, were talking about. Instead of this being Shawn Michaels going out on a high note, it’s far more dour.

Mark: We'll see what tomorrow brings. 

And with that look, and the fact he's had a match as recently as March/April of this year, he won't be gone for long.

Preview for the next episode contains intense surgical imagery. Just a heads up.

Post-episode thoughts:

I learned very little new information, but that's not the the hook of this series for me. Undertaker's the first character I ever truly loved, long before the likes of Supernatural came into my life. An interesting dynamic is potentially seeing both the Undertaker retire, and Supernatural come to a close, in the same year. I don't find myself mourning either, because I've already been through that. Now, I just want to indulge in behind-the-scenes tales, and watch two of the most influential stories in my life come to a close.

I greatly look forward to Chapter 2 of The Last Ride, and the rest of the episodes to come.

[violet-knox]

The Gryffindor Common Room

Year 6 - Chapter 34

Summary: First task of the Triwizard Tournament takes place and Severus asks you to accompany him, but you have something else in mind.

Word count: 2430

Previous Chapter - Chapter 1

~

“You sure you don’t want one of us to stay behind?” two of the girls in your dorm were on their way out to watch the first task of the Triwizard Tournament, but you had informed them that you were too ill to join them, so they paused and hovered around your bedside before leaving, checking on you. 

“I’ll be alright Jess,” you weaseled, pulling the covers tighter over yourself. “Go have fun. And let me know how it went tomorrow morning.”

You watched as they closed the door behind them, then quickly through your blanket off of you, pressing your ear to the door, listening as they all left and once you heard the portrait of the Fat Lady swing shut, you knew you were finally alone. 

Making your way to the bathroom, you took a quick look in the mirror, fixing a few strands of hair as your lips slowly twitched into a sweet smile. You had dug up your favorite muggle outfit from the bottom of your trunk and were now staring at yourself wearing a nicely fitted shirt tucked into a nice flourished skirt that stops right above your knees. Smoothing out a few ruffles on your shirt, you made your way back to your room and sat on the bed as you tied your school shoes over your white ankle socks. Tightening your ponytail as you stood up, you left the dorm and peered around the common room, confirming that every Gryffindor had gone down to view the highly anticipated events down in the fields of the castle. 

Severus had felt pressured to attend the event by his housemates and hoped you would accompany him as he had no desire in partaking in his friends’ antics for heckling the other schools Champions. He would have much rather sat in your silent company, even if he was surround by crowds of insolent students. He was already nervous when he asked, thinking you may not want to spend your evening fenced by so many Slytherin’s, but when he watched as you pause, heavily debating on his request before ultimately rejecting it, his heart nearly stopped. You only surprised him further when you had insisted on meeting him at Gryffindor Tower instead. So here he was, awkwardly shifting in his place as he watched what he assumed was the last of the Gryffindor students head to the arena he had initially intended to spend the evening.  

As you popped your head outside the tower, scanning around, you found Severus hidden under a nearby tree and waved him over to you. He walked towards you with one of the most nervous expressions you had ever seen. Severus was a very calculated person. He impeccably planned what he would be doing every minute of every day, so you knew it must be killing him not knowing what exactly you had in mind for tonight. The simple fact that he trusted his precious schedule with you had you infatuated if not a bit jittery, hoping you wouldn’t disappoint him. You took his hand and smiled as you rushed back into the tower before anyone could see you.  

“Where are we going?” he asked anxiously as you dragged him up the stairs. He looked up at you as you simply shot him a quick smile before turning your head back, picking up your pace. 

“The common room of course,” you replied with what seemed like an eager tone in your voice. This answer seemed to only cause Severus to tense up as he felt his anxiety rise to a near breaking level. He struggled to keep up with you, wondering what on earth had gotten into you, hoping you hadn’t planned anything so inconspicuous as sneaking a Slytherin into the Gryffindor common room recklessly.  

“(Y/N), we could get caught-”

“Everyone’s gone to see the tournament. Don’t worry Sev, I’ve got us covered,” you threw him a wink before turning your attention back to the portrait in front of you. You bit down on your tongue, trying to keep from smirking as you were sure Severus felt completely unsettled by now. Finally arriving at your destination, you gave the Fat Lady the password and waited for her to let you back in.

“Back already?” she said annoyed how often her portrait had been flung open today. “And who’s this?” Her eyes shifted to Severus and you knew she was assessing him, trying to determine if he should be allowed past her portrait. Severus stared back at her uncomfortably as he tugged on his robes, trying to hide his green and grey tie and you noticed his expression harden defensively.

“Are you going to let us in?” you asked impatiently. 

She huffed and muttered under her breath before she let you through and you pulled Severus into the hole in the wall, opening to the common room. He hesitated before following you in, pausing as the bright colors splattered all around the enclosed space hit him all at once. 

“It’s… warmer than our common room,” he said cautiously as his eyes scanned the Gryffindor banners. He felt almost sick to be in here, but when he looked back at you, he realized why you had insisted on meeting him here instead of joining the rest of the school. You had the place all to yourself and it was definitely a step up from the astronomy tower, which did not have a fireplace encased by a comfy seating area. 

You pulled him towards the couch by the fire and motioned for him to sit as you quickly went back to your dorm, fetching the bag of food you had hidden under your bed. Severus slid his school robs off his shoulders and began rolling up his sleeves as the heat of the fireplace had him feeling a lot warmer than he was used to. You returned just in time to watch him loosen his tie and undo the top button of his shirt. Severus smirked as he saw your ponytail swing with ever step you took, your skirt bouncing along with you. He was never fond of muggle clothing, but he had to admit, he could get used to seeing them on you. 

“I snagged it from the kitchen,” you explained as you placed the bag of treats on the table in front of you. You took a seat beside him and suddenly felt your nerves prickling under your skin. You’d been alone with him before of course, but somehow, this felt more special, more intimate in some ways. The Gryffindor common room was the one place you had access to in this castle that he did not, and sharing it with him was something you didn't expect to feel like a big deal, but right now, in this moment, it felt like you were sharing your home with him.

“Is this..” he hesitated as he peered at the food and the euphoric expression on your face. “A date?”

“No,” you quickly explained nervously as you shifted your gaze away from him. “Maybe,” you whispered, looking around the room as you fiddled with your fingers, hoping he hadn’t taken your advances the wrong way.

“Because,” he continued as he shifted closer to you. “I wouldn’t mind if it was.” he swept your hair away from your face as your eyes met. You tried to fight the smile that made its way onto your face, but your shy grin only caused Severus to smirk in return. 

“Then, yes. It’s a date,” you whispered before he leaned in, perfectly connecting his lips to yours. He parted the kiss soon after, but as you felt the need for more and pulled his shirt towards you. He tumbling over you as you reconnected your lips, stiffening in shock before your touch had him melting once more. 

You felt the warmth of the fireplace as your own body heated up from the passion you had burning deep inside you. Severus placed a hand on your waist, and you felt your urges overtake you as you straddled him. He tensed up at first, surprised by your actions, but soon enough, you felt his lips eagerly moving against yours, his hands slithering to rest on your back. 

Slowly pressing yourself against him, your heart began pumping faster, the thrill of being so close to him for the first time sent sparks of heat through your veins. Is this what true passion feels like? Growing up, you watched the older girls at the orphanage dating during your younger years, some switching partners every other week, and you would always ask them what it was like, listening to them intently as they shared their experiences with you. But all those stories, all that detail, never would have prepared you for what you felt now. You had always cared a lot for Severus, that you knew, but this feeling, the one you felt each time he kissed you, was new. It was something you had never felt with anyone before. Could this be actual genuine lo- Nooo... it can’t, you’ve only been dating for a few weeks, it’s too soon to feel that.  

Severus moved his hands to rest one on your lower back while the other travelled up, tangling into your hair as he deepened the kiss. You tilted your head as you wove your fingers through his long locks that somehow felt less greasy than the last time you had buried your hands in it. Were you getting used to it? Or perhaps he was putting an effort into his appearance now that you were dating. 

You let out a small satisfied sigh as you thought about all the other small changes you’ve seen him make, assuming he had done so all for you that is. You first noticed it in his notes that he lent you. His writing was a lot neater as it appeared he had taken his time in printing them out for you, even leaving you small comments, just for you every now and then. You then took notice of his uniform which was always a lot more well-kept than his muggle clothing, but something had changed, and you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. Was his tie tighter? Did he use a spell to iron his shirt? Is that… a hint of lavender that you smell? 

As you parted, panting for air, you leaned back, resting your hands on his chest as you peered into his eyes that seemed ten times softer than before. Moving hair out of his face to examine the features of his face, you realized they seemed gentler to you now and every edge, every curve you laid your eyes on had your heart beating with excitement. Severus cautiously moved his hands to lay on your hips as he returned the gentle smile you gave him.

“So, what made you want to stay here with me rather than join the rest of the school to watch the first task?” he asked as you settled yourself beside him on the couch. You placed a hand over his knee, making soft circles with your thumb as he wrapped an arm around your waist.

You paused a moment as you thought your intentions were quite clear and wondered if Severus had reservation when he agreed to meet you here. You took in a deep breath as you leaned forward, grabbing the bag of snacks from the table in front of you and began to unwrap some lemon bars. 

“I just thought it would be nicer to spend more time with you,” you shrugged, “alone.” You took out a lemon bar and handed it to him before nibbling on one yourself. Severus reached over and took the bag from your lap, placing it on the other side of him. He hadn’t gotten the answer he sought as his old worries about having you accompany him with his own friends as company causing you discomfort returned. 

“You don’t want to spend some time with your… Gryffindor friends,” he asked. You were surprised to hear such a question as you knew he always hated seeing you around them. 

“Sev, they’re not really my friends,” you said hesitantly. “I mean, they’re nice and I enjoy talking to them from time to time, but we aren’t close.” You tilted your head to face him as you fiddled with the treat in your hand. “Not like I am with you.”

Severus smiled, flustered at the thought of you keeping him so close to your heart. He gave you a small content smile as he watched you finish your lemon bar. Looking down at his untouched pastry, he slowly raised it towards you until it was inches away from your mouth, offering you another. You sheepishly smiled at him as you peered into his eyes, taking a small bite before he took one of his own. 

You both ate, cuddled up to the warm fireplace as you talked some more, indulging yourselves in conversation as one of you would occasionally nuzzle the other with soft loving touches. As the evening passed, you felt relieved to see Severus silently praise you for choosing to skip the event the rest of the school had attended tonight. An hour later, you were reluctant to tell him your little date had to come to an end as you couldn’t risk the Champions finishing their task early and the rest of the school rushing back to the castle. He agreed and made his way to the door where he thanked you for the lovely evening, giving you one final kiss before hastily making his way out of the tower. 

You watched him glide down the stairs until he was out of sight, letting out a long happy sigh as you closed the portrait and cleaned up the remaining food you had laid out. As you were about to head up the steps to your dorm, you noticed a set of robes lying on the couch and realized they were Severus’ from the green lining on the inside. For such a calculated boy, he sure seemed to lose his head sometimes. You felt yourself floating as you made your way back to your dorm, nose stuffed in the robes you had gathered in your arms. Lavender. You changed into your nightgown before slipping back into bed, and as you closed your eyes, you reflected on the night’s events, thankful you got to share such a warm and homey ambience with someone you held oh so dear to your heart.  

~

Next Chapter

~

@hoppingsnape @dusk-realm @a-slytherin-sin @trashandshook @gbatesx @sneezy-s @emsdroid @leah-halliwell92 @dellightfullydeceitful @xxaamzxx @sparklingkeylimepie @nameless-sovereign @wanderingtrails

[dragon-kazansky]

One year special

Chapter four - Fun and games

I joined the group that had gathered, standing beside Jervis Tetch, who tilted his hat to me, and Dracula, who seemed rather eager to join when I did.

I smile at him. He smiles back.

"Truth or dare!" Queenie announces, after confirming no one else wanted to play this particular game.

Everyone looked at each other, probably coming up with some questions already. I decided to just take it in stride. I've never been very good with coming up with questions.

"You go first." Queenie gestured to Newt who smiled softly, not expecting to go first.

He turned to Tina. Of course.

"Truth or dare?"

"Dare."

"I dare you to sing a duet with me." He said softly, smiling shyly at her. Tina gave the same shy smile back as she nodded.

I chuckled.

They were too cute.

Queenie sat up right and looked around, smiling. It was clearly her turn to choose.

She locked eyes with Grindelwald, who smirked. She turned her head sharply and looked at me.

"Truth or dare?"

"Hmm, truth."

"Out of everyone here, who is your favourite?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes.

"You expect to pick one?"

"Yes." She nodded eagerly, leaning in with anticipation. Everyone else seemed to do the same which made me roll my eyes again.

I gaze around the room.

I smile.

"Actually, that's easy." I smile at the Doctor who is sitting across from me. She smiles when she realises I mean her.

Everyone else looks a little deflated, so I feel the need to change the mood.

"That doesn't mean I don't love and appreciate everyone else. I wouldn't write for you if I didn't feel that way. Everyone here is important for different reasons, but I will always have a soft spot for the Doctor. I've been watching her adventures for a long time."

That seems to make them feel a little better, but I can tell some of them were hoping I would say their name.

My shift to the Master who glares at the Doctor.

I chuckle to myself.

The game goes on.

Dracula confesses he's only here for me. He isn't interested in anyone else… denying how much he has been watching people this evening.

The Doctor is dared to do a handstand, which only sort of succeeds. She then dared the Master to leave, but he refused saying he was staying until the end. They argued a little, but eventually calmed down.

Jervis was dared to give his hat to someone for the rest of the game. He gave it to me because he was sure I would take the best care of it. I was flattered.

Crowley was dared to hug Aziraphale. The angel was a little flustered, but accepted it fondly. 

For the most part we had a fun time and everyone seemed to be enjoying the game.

That is until they decided to change the game to spin the bottle. Crowley was eager to get that started as he set up with his empty drink bottle, grinning.

"I'm starting." He declared. No one said anything as they let him start.

He spun the bottle.

It did not land on Aziraphale. He was obviously disappointed. Crowley gave a huge sigh as he leaned over to give Lee a kiss.

Lee wasn't impressed either.

I chuckled as Oswald Cobblepot was urged into playing. He groaned quietly as he spun the bottle. It landed on Ed Nygma.

They looked at each other.

I watched eagerly wondering if they would actually kiss. No one else seemed to notice them as I leaned forward a little, not able to take my eyes away. Oswald approached Ed. They were talking quietly. Oswald looked around, not seeming to notice me as he faced Ed again.

Then my attention is pulled away as someone waves in front of my face.

I blink.

"Your turn." It was Bucky.

I take the bottle and spin it. It's a good spin that seems to last a few seconds before slowing down and stopping. I look up to see it's pointing at Dracula.

I blush softly.

All evening he has been lingering nearby. Not that I'm complaining or anything. How could I when he looks like that. The smug bastard.

He smirks as he locks eyes with me.

He gets up and I watch as he stalks toward me. I can't seem to look away as his towering figure comes up beside me 

He kneels down.

"What an honour that has been bestowed upon me." He chuckles darkly.

I roll my eyes.

"Are you going to kiss me or not? There isn't much time left, you know." I chuckle as I glare at him softly.

He smiles as he gives me the kiss.

He's gentle and quick, but it's nice. The kind of thing I'm sure I've written about before.

He pulls away and I turn my head, smiling shyly. I can feel his eyes still on me. I can even imagine the smirk he's wearing.

The game goes on.

I got a few more kisses. I even ended up giving the Doctor a little kiss which was cute. I wouldn't mind giving her another.

I shake my head and focus back on the party.

I'm not even sure how much time has passed.

People have been on and off the karaoke. There have been games set up around the room. People have been dancing and having a great time.

It's been so wonderful to see them all right before my very eyes.

It will be sad to say goodbye.

The party slowly begins to wrap up.

I make my way to where the karaoke was and turn to the gathering crowd. The hour is late, I'm sure.

I smile at them all.

This is the part I wasn't looking forward to.