#I’ve been coveting one of these little dudes for like five years now

[necronomi-kun]

There is a Creature lurking on my bed

[365days365movies]

January 12, 2021: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) (Part 1)

Hey, uh...

I can’t remember if I’ve seen this movie or not.

OK, HEAR ME OUT HERE. I was 9 years old when this movie came out in the USA, and I vividly remember the buzz around this movie when it came out in theaters. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, for those of you who don’t know, is the movie that really introduced wuxia to the United States in the modern century. Directed by Ang Lee - y’know, this guy...

...buuuuuuuuuut, also this guy...

AND YET, still this guy...

- this movie has won a HELL of a lot of awards, and was the critical darling of 2000. And again, I know some of you Tumblrites (goddamn Zoomers DO YOU EVEN REMEMBER NICKELODEON ORANGE AS A COLOR??? Kidding, by the way, y’all are cool) may not be old enough to remember that time, but lemme tell you: this movie was a Mandarin-language movie nominated for Best Picture. Not just Best Foreign Language Film (which it WON), but BEST. PICTURE. Trust me. It was a big deal at the time. 

The film actually did win Best Original Score, Best Art Direction, and Best Cinematography. And as I watch this, I’m going to be remembering both the time period it came out in, and the film that actually won Best Picture that year. What won Best Picture that year, you ask? Well...

Yeah. But is CTHD better or worse than Gladiator? Well, that’s what I’m gonna try to figure out, as well as whether or not 9-year-old me saw this movie already. I don’t think so, so that’s why I’m watching it now. 

So LET’S GO BACK TO THE YEAR 2000, PEOPLE! We just got over that whole Y2K thing (only for the ILOVEYOU virus to pop up), the election was TOTALLY NORMAL (that’s a joke, it...it was not), AOL was the most successful internet company ever (HA! Classic. And Ask Jeeves is gonna last forever, I’m sure), and the below movie would win Best Makeup at the Oscars.

Yeah. Yeah, that’s an Academy Award-winning movie. How the hell does THAT make you feel? Makes me feel conflicted, I tell you what. ANYWAY MOVIE TIME SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

Li Mu Bai (Chow Yun Fat, the man himself), a member of the Wudang sect of swordsmen, is retiring. He goes to his old friend (and maybe more), and leader of a private security group, Yu Shu Lien (Michelle Yeoh), who asks her to deliver his personal sword, Green Destiny. Shu Lien goes to Beijing to deliver the sword to an ally of theirs, Sir Te (Sihung Lung), while Mu Bai goes to the grave of his master, who was killed by an assassin named Jade Fox.

In Beijing, Sir Te and Shu Lien talk about the whole “more than friends” thing between her and Mu Bai, and they go to store the sword in a study. There, Sir Te’s granddaughter, Jen (Zhang Ziyi), speaks to Shu Lien about the sword, and about the nature of swordsmanship. This serves an introduction into the world of wuxia swordmanship...and I am GODDAMN HOOKED IN

So is Jen, it would seem, as she speaks with admiration about the freedom that comes with the Way of the Sword (which is distinctly different from the Way of Sarah (Blessed Be Her Fall)). See, Jen’s about to get married, in that arranged way, and she’s not a fan of the whole marriage thing. I get the feeling that she’s planning on doing something about that.

But no time for existential crises now! Someone’s trying to steal Green Destiny! A ninja sneaks in and succeeds in stealing it, but Shu Lien attempts to stop them. However, the thief is trained in Wudan, much to Shu Lien’s surprise. A rooftop chase occurs, giving us the first display of the rampant wire work and loose physics characteristic of this genre, and GODDAMN IT FUCK YE-NO

Keep it together, man, you gotta treat this film critically and seriously, not like an excited little kid watch some kickass martial arts shit. Even though this fight scene is AWESOME, holy shit...

The thief succeeds, but only because a second assailant appears with a dart, distracting Shu Lien. In the morning, the night guard says it was someone from Governor Yu’s household. In the street, the attacker is believed to be the mysterious Jade Fox, who would covet the sword of the man she killed so long ago. Ugh, this movie already rules so hard. Anyway, Shu Lien comes to see Jen again, who’s currently writing calligraphy.

Shu Lien comments that calligraphy writing is similar to swordsmanship. Jen quickly notes that she wouldn’t know. She expounds again on her regrets on marriage, and Shu Lien explains that she was engaged to a fellow swordsman who died. And although Shu Lien and Li Mu Bai love each other, they both feel bound to their fallen friend, and do not act on their feelings. Oh my God, I’m digging this fated romance shit SO HARD

NO. Professionalism. Breathe...focus on the year 2000...Napster...Survivor and Fear Factor...Harry Potter...Pokemon the Movie 2000...Pokemon the Movie 2000: The Power of One...

...Whew. OK. Back to CTHD.

Jen rests in her home, while two people spy on the...Yus. Wait, Jen’s name is...Yu Jen. Um...it’s her. The ninja is Jen. You couldn’t see it in the GIFS, but the ninja could easily be a woman, no question. It’s totally Jen, acting on her desire to be a true swordsperson. I mean, look at her stare at that sword earlier in the movie. Calling it now, it’s her. But...who threw the dart from the rooftop?

Looks like it’s Jade Fox, as a man from earlier explains. See, he’s a police chief from another area, looking for Jade Fox. He believes that she’s somehow infiltrated the Yu household, possibly arriving with them to Beijing. Jade Fox killed the policeman’s wife, making this personal. Together, the policeman Tsai (Wang Deming) and the Night Guard Bo (Gao Xi’an) team up to find her.

They aren’t the only ones, as Li Mu Bai just arrived to Beijing to talk with Shu Lien, and finds out that Jade Fox ha returned. Remember, Jade Fox killed his master, so he has some stakes in this. Meanwhile that night, Tsai and Bo (Team Law) meet Jade Fox, AKA...Jen’s governess! NICE.

Jade Fox (Cheng Pei-pei) fights the...wait...wait WHAT DID I JUST TYPE???

CHENG PEI-PEI FROM COME DRINK WITH ME IS THE VILLAIN OF THIS MOVIE???

And now Chow Yun Fat is fighting one of the first wuxia film stars? OH MY GOD

Chow Yun Fat’s about to kill her to avenge his master, and then the mysterious ninja (AKA probably Yu Jen) saves her from him. The two of them fight, and Jade Fox kills Tsai just before they escape using a streamer HOOOOOOOO IT’S REAL HARD STAYING PROFESSIONAL RIGHT NOW

The next morning, though, Yu Jen learns more about Jade’s crimes, and expresses guilt about taking Green Destiny. Additionally, Shu Lien claims to know who the culprit is, and threatens them with punishment unless the sword is returned. Essentially confirming my suspicions, the ninja returns that night to put the sword back, and Mu Bai is waiting there for her.

Yet another physics-defying rooftop chase occurs, although this one is less frought. They actually refer to the gliding technique as “flying,” and as a technique of Wudan. Interesting, engaging, cinematical, movielian, I love it. I need more of it, MORE PLEASE.

Looks like I might get what I want. Mu Bai offers to be Jen’s teacher, as he sees great potential in her. But she shuns the ways of Wudan, allows Mu Bai to take back Green Destiny, and returns to Jade Fox. Jade Fox is trained as a Giang Hu fighter, a more brutal lifestyle. 

And yet, Jen isn’t really into that either. Turns out that she’s been studying the Wudan manual on her own, and has EFFORTLESSLY surpassed her illiterate former master. With nothing left to teach her, Jade Fox leaves with a veiled threat.

The next night, a man visits Jen, and they embrace passionately. He’s a bandit from the Gobi Desert named Lo, AKA Dark Cloud (Chang Chen), and the two met when his gang ambushed her caravan travelling through the desert. He stle her comb, and this girl just GETS ON A HORSE, GRABS A BOW AND ARROW, and HUNTS HIM DOWN LIKE A DOG FOR THAT COMB. She faces down the gang of bandits, and Dark Cloud leads her away, gives her water, and she KICKS HIS ASS!! But she asses out from exhaustion, and he takes her back to his Cave of Wonders.

He cares for her, and as soon as she regains her strength, she just knocks him out. Cold-blooded, goddamn. But she gets lost in the desert, and passes out again. Lo brings her BACK to the Cave of Wonders, and cares for her AGAIN. My dude is a PRINCE. I mean, he’s a thief and probably a murderer, and definitely a bad person, BUT NEVER MIND THAT FOR NOW.

As you probably guessed, Stockholm/Lima Syndromes set in, and the two fall in love...like you do?

But Jen’s nobleman father is looing for her, making trouble for Lo and his people. He vows to go legit and make himself worthy for her love in her father’s eyes. He tells a story of a boy who leapt off a mountain to save his parents. A literal leap of faith. In their last night together, she gives him the comb that brought them together, saying to give it back when they’re together again.

But now...Jen’s fated to marry, and it can’t be avoided. Lo gives the comb back to her, as she tells him to leave. And I...I need a break. If I don’t take a five minute break, Imma explode from how much I love this goddamn movie.

PART 2 COMING IN A FEW!!!

[illdesigns]

Kloktober Day 9

crossover or fave au

my favorite au featuring the most coveted ship - magnus/therapy

rated m, warnings for brief talks of canon typical violence, self harm

The office had a smell. That was the worst part. Not the pastel walls or the various ceramic kittens and cherubs or the pale yellow sofa that sagged as Magnus sat in it. It had an absolute perfume smell to it, like he had his face buried in a field of flowers at all times.

Well, it wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was a special kind of torture that most people were not privy to - the sound of mechanical fingers clicking a pen.

“You gotta talk for this to do anything, you know,” Magnus’ eye tracked the man behind the desk as he wheeled back and forth in his office chair. “C’mon, big guy. I know you got a lot going on in that head of yours. What’re you thinking about?”

“Leaving,” Magnus replied briskly. “So I can have a beer and pretend this didn’t happen.”

“You use alcohol like that a lot?” Twinkletits asked curiously, pausing his rolling but not the pen clicking. “To cope with things? You a heavy drinker?”

“No,” he snapped. (Translation: Yes.)

“When you drink, how many drinks do you have? Just one or two, five or more?” he wasn’t subtle in what he was asking. Which is why Magnus hated therapists. He had tried it, once or twice, even before everything in his life really went to shit. When he was just depressed about being in his early twenties because being in your early twenties fucking sucks. And there had been one afterwards but, well, she just didn’t work out either. Dropped him after the whole stabbing story. “Talk with me, Magnus. You’ve got a friend worried about you, you know.”

“I don’t have friends,” it was out of his mouth faster than he intended and he winced. Whatever. If that got back to Toki somehow, Magnus could sue right? Patient confidentiality, HIPAA or whatever? Twinkletits wrote something on the pad in his hand. “What are you writing?”

“Don’t worry about me. My job is to take notes about this stuff for future reference, you just talk. Why don’t you think you have friends? Toki cares about you a lot. He set this up for you, asked you to come down and see me. That’s a friend, right?” Twinkletits offered.

“Yeah,” Magnus spoke with a hint of guilt, looking at his hands. (Translation: Yeah, actually.)

He felt the urge to sneeze, covering his face with the crook of his elbow, rubbing his nose and sniffling. That fucking smell was still covering every surface of his nostrils and it was starting to give him a headache.

“What’s that smell?” he asked.

“Bless you. Lavender. Keeps people calm,” Twinkletits beamed at him. It was funny, because he felt the urge to bash his head into a wall the more he had to inhale it. Not very calming. “And speaking of calm…Toki told me some interesting stuff about you.”

No. No, no, no. Magnus looked up at him again and his eyebrows knit together in suspicion.

“Like?” he asked, knowing the answer.

“So, do you wanna tell me about what happened back in…” he checked his notes. “1999? Ol’ Nate mentioned it too. Feels like it’s important to bring up.”

“Oh, he tell you he did this?” Magnus gestured to his dead eye.

“He told me he did that after you, uh, you stabbed him. But yes, he did,” Twinkletits wrote another little note. Magnus could only imagine what the little dossier Dethklok has on him now will look like. But it’s easier to imagine Offdensen smirking as he reads it, easier to imagine a list of reasons why Toki shouldn’t hang around him laid out in front of him, easier to imagine all of his plans unraveling because he went along with this.

“He, uh…” Magnus paused. Even if he was going to lie about what happened (not that he would be believed by a guy on their payroll anyway) he wasn’t sure...what had happened. It was always a blur when he tried to remember the details - his thought process, why it happened. It was like he blinked and opened his eyes to Nathan beating the shit out of him. “Not much to say if he told you.”

“What about from your point of view?” he prodded, steepling his skinny robot fingers. Why did their therapist have robot arms, anyway? Magnus found that more interesting.

“I dunno, man. It just happened!” he was defensive already, arms crossed over his chest, leg crossed. Shut off. “Things just happen, you know? Like before then I’d have problems with getting mad really easy. People would like, call me stupid and I’d blow up on them or something bad would happen and I’d get depressed and cry it out then take it out on people. And they started to hate me for it, and I started getting worse than that. I see you writing, dude, what are you writing?”

“Just writing what you’re saying. Helps me keep track, okay? Nothing bad,” Twinkletits waved him on. “Go on.”

“I...well, I dunno. It just got worse. I was mad all the time. Thought about hurting myself a lot. Then I started doing that. Thought about hurting other people a lot after that, and then…” he shrugged his shoulders. “Then I did. And got kicked out and live in a little one room apartment while my old friends have this giant sprawling mansion and shit now, who cares.”

“Do you think about that still?” he picked his head up curiously. “Do you think about hurting yourself or others?”

Magnus paused for a moment and thought. Who didn’t think about hurting themselves? You know, just get so frustrated and filled with nervous energy you had to hit yourself in the head a few times? And there was the time before last that he had hung out with Toki, where Toki had sat and talked and talked and talked for too long and Magnus had imagined grabbing his hair and slamming his face into the table to shut him up.

His mind flashed to a basement in an abandoned building. Silver chains and a silver face, both hungrily waiting for their captive.

“No,” he said softly. “I’ve gotten better with that.”

Twinkletits smiled. Checked his clock.

“You know, I gotta wind this down today but...thank you for opening up! Doesn’t it feel nice?” he stood as Magnus did, breaking the distance quickly. He held out a hand to shake and Magnus found himself taking it. His grip was stronger than he expected but metal couldn’t be limp wristed, could it? “I appreciate you opening up at all. We can continue this next time you stop by to hang out, okay? Toki can fill me in so I can make space for you. Oh, before you go-o-o-o-”

He turned to grab something from his desk. A sticker sheet. Magnus frowned as he watched those mechanical fingers peel one off.

“I’m not in Kindergarten. I don’t need a gold star,” Magnus grunted as he felt Twinkletits’ hand on the lapel of his jacket.

“Oh, this isn’t a gold star, buddy! It’s something better,” he beamed up at him. “It’s a banana sticker. For a job well done! You obviously don’t open up easily and I’m sure all that’s a sore subject, so even the little bit we talked about was probably a big step for you!”

Magnus looked down. Well, it sure was a banana sticker. Okay. Seemed a little too gay for his taste but whatever. He was just going to peel it off and toss it the second he could anyway. Twinkletits gave him a wave when he departed and Magnus was stopped outside of the therapist’s office by all but running into Toki dead on.

“Hows it go?” he asked excitedly, then his eyes found it. “Ohhh, you gots a stickers already?! That’s goods, it took me forevers to get ones! Man I gots to do somethings specials as we hangs out today!”

“What?” Magnus raised his eyebrows in confusion as he spoke, looking down at it. It was just a goddamn sticker.

“It’s a big deals! Means you dids a good jobs. I’m prouds of you, pals!” Toki said, face lighting up and eyes crinkling as he looked at Magnus.

Proud. For a sticker? But, Magnus tried to really think of when the last time someone told him they were proud of him. Whatever. He’d take it. He let out a little grunt as Toki wrapped his arms around him in a crushing hug and that gave him more pause. His arms hung by his side limply, his chest and throat suddenly hurt and Magnus wracked his brains for the last time that someone had given him a hug, either. More than ten years ago probably, five figures huddled in front of a camera to commemorate some successful show or something.

So Magnus kept the sticker. So what? It wasn’t anyone’s business if he did or not. Or if he kept the others that he accumulated over the next few months. Or if he found it easier to keep his hair up in a bun at this point. He’d been growing it for years, he could keep it up now and then. Or if he did a few other things, like wear a shirt now and then, change up his style a little bit. And there was a tiny part of him that found it funny as fuck when Dethklok stared at him with a mix of confusion and horror as Toki drug him into the living room of Mordhaus, proudly talking about his brand new friend.

[johns-prince]

Idk one thing that makes me think that John was bi and definitely more attracted to males is this: Yoko said that John was into beauty and although she's full of shit and awful I believe her on this one. Before you rip me apart I really love Cyn and May, but if you really look at the women and the men in his life it's clear that John had a thing for boys. The guys he was the closest to were absolutely gorgeous ( Stu was stunning, Brian was handsome as fuck and Paul was beyond gorgeous ) /

Like I said I really love them so please don't take it bad but when you look at his women you can't really Say the same thing about them: Cyn and May were really average and Yoko well... Yoko definitely looked like a bloke, I agree with John. Now, if John was really into beauty, he would have find gorgeous women, but nope! Idk if you see what I'm talking about, but to me it's clear that he was into males' beauty, much more than women

Hi, I’ve decided to give a go at this lol I don’t think my response makes any bloody sense but I tried, apologies in advance anyhow.

While Yoko is extremely wishy-washy, fickle with shit she’s decided to say and share in interviews and such, there are certain things she’s said that hold some kernel of truth or we should at least take note of. It’s rather easy to know when she’s spewing literal horseshit from her mouth, while other times, she might be giving us some important insight, though those little tidbits of what we could consider relevant she always tried retracting [often because it doesn’t help her or their image much] 

Though I wouldn’t say I needed Yoko claiming both her and John were into beauty [I mean, we all kind of are, but I digress, I understand] to believe it, because, and let me be weird for like a second, John’s a Libra. They covet beautiful things. Beauty is just, part of their inherent likes, to admire beauty.

That and, being an artist, I’m sure he did have a thing for “beauty.” too.

Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder, subjective, all that philosophical jazz, but I understand what you mean.

I’m not going to rip you apart, because I hold a rather “controversial” opinion in regards to Paul’s wife Linda-- that is, we’re allowed to see these people contrary to what we assume the ‘bandom’ might push as the ‘’right/acceptable’’ and expected opinions.

We’re individuals, I don’t expect you to hold the same opinions, and I do enjoy hearing what people have to say as long as they’re clearly open, civil, friendly-like is always nice too. So, no, I shan’t rip into you lol 

I see where you’re coming from. 

For me, I find May very pretty, and I think Cynthia was pretty [cor that doesn’t really attest to if they were average pretty or not, I don’t know, but I can see why you see that, I do. I personally find Cynthia incredibly average looking, dare I say plain, when she was much younger, before doing her hair blonde and all that] But then again, compared to Yoko... well.

What Ronnie Hawkins said at the end of this interview, is the nicest way to put how I feel about Yoko in terms of her appearance;

“...what I couldn’t understand that he didn’t have about four or five of the most beautiful women in the world with him, because he could have.”

I know it might come off as insulting but it’s not like we were the one’s to say it first-- John was the one to say Yoko reminded him of a bloke in drag, so. 

I can’t say I’ve ever thought of it this way though, or took noticed like you did.

I think it depends. 

Dude clearly had a thing for drag queens and transvestites, even at an early age. 

I agree, many, most of John’s relatively close male friends were very attractive, very pretty, handsome; though there’s no 100% solid evidence that John felt any strong particular way towards Stu and Brian like he did towards Paul [that is, obviously something sexual happened between John and Brian, but I think that was mainly John experimenting and having the right sort of individual he could do so with, safely, and he might have pitied Brian in a way but, I don’t think he’d meant to hurt Brian or anything. I personally don’t agree it was a powerplay either] John indeed appeared attracted to, or at least drawn to, effeminate, feminine boys.

Not saying all his close male friends were effeminate, femboys [Pete Shotton, Mal Evans...] but I suppose we’re mainly talking about the individuals that, besides being “close”[I also think we could have a discussion of what it meant to be a close friend of John’s, because even if someone might’ve thought themselves close friends with John, they actually weren’t-- not many were; Paul was possibly the closest to close a male friend/relationship John could’ve had, besides Pete] have been rumored he’d had some sort of infatuation or tryst with, like Stu and Brian; Mick Jagger was a very pretty boy, those full lips and relatively soft features accentuated by the longer hairstyles of the 60s and 70s [whether you believe something happened between Mick and John is really up to you, I’m relatively neutral on it I don’t know, but there certainly was a lot going on during this [x] [x] [x] get together between them] and David Bowie is 100% an effeminate boy, and there had been this story, whether it’s true or not I don’t know so take it with absolutely a grain of salt, where a server or whoever caught note of a familiar pair of boots in a stall that belonged to John, David, but another pair of feet which could’ve been anyone, when at a party he’d attended with Yoko. Wish I could find the damn source for it [just another thing I wish I had cataloged better, damn me] 

Side note, I honestly believe John would’ve been rather interested in Tara Browne had it not been for the fact Tara was Paul’s friend, a friend who was very attractive, and artsy and bisexual, and Paul really seemed to dig him [though I do not believe Paul held any deeper feelings for Tara, as much as Tara might’ve had a crush on Paul]-- which had John feeling threatened and his jealousy/possessiveness shot through the bloody rooftops, as we know. Tara was to John as Stu was to Paul. 

I don’t know, you may be right. 

I personally believe John leaned more towards men specifically because he just seemed to enjoy, was happier, and was much more comfortable their company, friendship, the bond, more than women, but despite being gay or in a same-sex relationship wasn’t illegal in the UK anymore in 1967 [oh what a year] it was still easier to be with women than men, openly anyway.

Just because something becomes legal doesn’t mean culture and society are really on track with it, if you get what I mean. 

But anyway, yeah, I could see it, him being more attracted to “male beauty,” more than “female beauty,” if he were to lean more towards men in his bisexuality. I don’t know.

Anyway there’s my answer, it’s non-coherent, I’m sorry lol

Clearly John couldn’t officially be with the person he wanted to be with though, who was a man, because of issues and reasons we can only begin to assume and possibly pinpoint. Nobody can hold a candle to Paul, he is a bloody Adonis, and I’m sure John would’ve agreed, begrudgingly or partly jokingly. That and John’s soulmate.

I’m 100% they fooled about, and like 85%-90% positive they fucked. 

[thecoleopterawithana]

Knowing That Love Is To Share

It’s common knowledge within the Beatles fandom that those four Liverpool lads were an acquisitive bunch. And who could blame them, having grown amidst the financial insecurity of a war-torn Liverpool? Even John Lennon, who had inarguably the most comfortable upbringing of them all (middle rather than working-class) didn’t hide his thirst for wealth. In 1963, he was singing this out in their cover of ‘Money (That’s What I Want)’.

John coveted so much the freedom and power afforded by money that he even had dreams about it.

[I once had] one really big one about thousands of half-crowns all around me, and finding lots of money in old houses and just as much of the stuff as you could carry. I could never carry enough. I used to put it in my pockets and in my hands and in sacks, only I could still never carry as much as I wanted.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Alan Smith for New Musical Express: Beatle dreams (22 July 1966).

Curiously, in an early example of John and Paul “sharing in each other’s minds”, John had this dream of finding riches around the time he met Paul, who himself had an incredibly similar one.  

The teenage Paul McCartney would love the idea of fame. That’s what he was trying to do, that was the dream. But it’s funny – life gives you minor premonitions. You don’t think of them as premonitions until the dream comes true and then you think, ‘Hey, I wonder if that was a sign.’ I remember when John and I were first hanging out together, I had a dream about digging in the garden with my hands. I’d dreamt that before but I’d never found anything other than an old tin can. But in this dream, I found a gold coin. I kept digging and I found another. And another. The next day I told John about this amazing dream I’d had and he said, ‘That’s funny, I had the same dream.’ So both of us had this dream of finding this treasure. And I suppose you could say it came true.

— Paul McCartney, The Big Issue: Letter to my younger self (16 February 2012).  

Of course, the love for the craft itself was there, but they never hid the thrill they got from being able to finally write their wealth into existence.

Somebody said to me, ‘But the Beatles were anti-materialistic.’ That’s a huge myth. John and I literally used to sit down and say, ‘Now let’s write a swimming pool.’ We said it out of innocence. Out of normal, fucking working-class glee that we were able to write a ‘swimming pool.’ For the first time in our lives, we could actually do something and earn money.

— Paul McCartney, interviewed by David Fricke for Rolling Stone (8 February 1990).

I introduce this – their love of money – because it might have made them avaricious when they finally got it. That’s not what happened.

I'll give you all I've got to give If you say you love me, too I may not have a lot to give But what I've got I'll give to you I don't care too much for money Money can't buy me love

— ‘Can’t Buy Me Love’ (1964)

Paul – used to making ends meet from early on – grew up to be fairly money-conscious. This kind of preoccupations had always been on his mind, especially since his mother (who was the main provider for the family) had died.

Being able to get by is a big deal for him.

That’s why I am always overwhelmed by the sweetness of his wonderment at John’s generosity. It is one of my most treasured facets of their relationship.

One day we walked into a sweet shop, and John bought some chocolate. He said, ‘would you like half?’ I said, ‘Wow, you’re willing to share your chocolate with me?’ What a dude! [laughs] The things that stay most in my memory are the smallest things, the ordinary things.

— Paul McCartney, interviewed for Readers Digest (November 2005).

And as good as this quote is, it omits the true significance of this episode. Paul reveals just how much it meant to him in private company.

[Bono’s] like, a student of the Beatles. He’s read every book on the Beatles. He’s seen every bit of film. There’s nothing he doesn’t know. So when Paul stops and says ‘That’s where it happened,’ Bono’s like, ‘That’s where what happened?’ because he thinks he knows everything. And Paul says, ‘That’s where the Beatles started. That’s where John gave me half his chocolate bar.’ And now Bono’s like, ‘What chocolate bar? I’ve never heard of any chocolate bar.’ And Paul says, ‘John had a chocolate bar, and he shared it with me. And he didn’t give me some of his chocolate bar. He didn’t give me a square of his chocolate bar. He didn’t give me a quarter of his chocolate bar. He gave me half of his chocolate bar. And that’s why the Beatles started right there.’

— Matt Damon, interviewed by Tom Junod for Esquire (8 July 2013).

“That’s why the Beatles started.”

I’ve seen it emphasised how Paul was drawn to John because he was impressed by his powerful charisma, his biting wit, his rough teddy looks. But Paul himself has stated over and over that what attracted him to John – what won him over in the end – was the underlying softness. It was the humour and intelligence, yes. But it was also that John’s favourite songs were “Close Your Eyes” (1933) and “Little White Lies” (1930). It was the fact that John gave him not a bit, not a square, not a quarter, but half of his chocolate bar.

I may not have a lot to give but what I've got I'll give to you

These giving gestures would continue on other treasured episodes, like the ‘61 Paris Trip.

And Paul and I also did the same thing, once. We just cancelled. We’d made it, in Liverpool. We were making good money, for those days. I can’t remember what it was – maybe a couple of hundred dollars a week – but enough that you’d have a little extra. You’d have it in your back pocket. And Paul and I just— A relative of mine gave me a hundred pounds, for my birthday, which I’d never seen that much money in me life. Paul and I just cancelled all the engagements, and left for Paris… And George was furious because he needed the money – to work, you know. But that was another time when the group was in debate as whether it would exist or not.

— John Lennon, interviewed by Elliot Mintz (1 January 1976).

John and I went on a trip for his twenty-first birthday. John was from a very middle-class family, which really impressed me because everyone else was from working-class families. To us, John was upper class. His relatives were teachers, dentists, even someone up in Edinburgh in the BBC. It's ironic, he was always very 'fuck you!' and he wrote the song Working Class Hero – in fact, he wasn't at all working class. Anyway, one of John's relatives gave him £100 I would be impressed. And I was his mate, enough said? 'Let's go on holiday.' 'You mean me too? With the hundred quid? Great! I'm part of this windfall.'

[...]

We’d never been there before. We were a bit tired so we checked into a little hotel for the night, intending to go off hitchhiking the next morning. Of course, it was too nice a bed after having hitched so we said, ‘We’ll stay a little longer,’ then we thought, ‘God, Spain is a long way, and we’d have to work to get down there.’ We ended up staying the week in Paris – John was funding it all with his hundred quid.

— Paul McCartney, in The Beatles Anthology (1995).

One night, they went to a concert by France’s only rock'n'roll star, Johnny Hallyday, paying an astronomical seven shillings and sixpence (35p) each for seats at L'Olympia theatre, little dreaming they themselves would soon top the bill there.

— On John and Paul’s trip to Paris. In Philip Norman’s Paul McCartney: The Biography.

Of course, Paul also gave what he could, and that rendered the gift extra special.

JOHN: Paul got me a wimpy [a hamburger] and a coke for my 21st.

PAUL: Mind you, that was back in ‘39!

JOHN: I know! (laughter)

PAUL: (jokingly) They were more expensive.

— Sydney press conference (11 June 1964).  

And even later in 1966, despite being extremely hurt by Paul’s extramarital forays into film score composition, John still offered his financial support.

I copped money for ‘Family Way’, the film music that Paul wrote while I was out of the country making How I Won The War. I said to Paul, ‘You’d better keep that,’ and he said ‘Don’t be soft.’ It’s the concept - we inspire each other. We write how we write because of each other. Paul was there for five or ten years and I wouldn’t write like I write now if it weren’t for Paul, and he wouldn’t write like he does if it weren’t for me.

— John Lennon, interviewed by BP Fallon for the Melody Maker (1969).

While they were bound by name (and even before any official contracts were signed) Lennon/McCartney did live by “what’s mine is yours”, everything they created shared 50/50.

As Paul would put it in their beloved “Here There and Everywhere” – Paul’s favourite out of all his songs and the one John favoured most of all out of all the songs he’d heard since he’d been in the scene, as of 1966 – they knew that love is to share.

And even when the sharing stopped, the love continued.

[sofhyuck]

Teach or Be Taught

Genre: elementary school teacher!Jaehyun, elementary school teacher!reader, fluff, gender neutral

Word Count: 7.2k

Excerpt: “Here, you can lean on my shoulder. You have like forty-five minutes to take a nap.” He scoots a little closer, supplying you with the maximum amount of comfort he can. You thank him quietly, nuzzling into his side while leaning your head on his shoulder. Jaehyun looks down at you, admiring every eyelash, every freckle, every part of you his eyes can reach. He’s never been in love before, but he swears this is what it feels like.

Masterlist

A/N: I tried a different writing style (which is heavily inspired by @dreaminghaos hi i love your writing style sm I aspire to be like you) bc why not???

Day 1 [8:00 am]

First days are the epitome of all things anxiety inducing. Meeting new people, trying to make said new people like you, all while in a new environment: any anti-social person’s worst nightmare. Every first day of school nerves never failed to bubble up in your throat, palms growing sweaty from mild fear. And, right at this moment, you feel as though your heart is going to fall out of your ass. You know this is what you’ve been waiting for, spending years at uni to work yourself up to that coveted teaching certificate. Now, you have that certificate as well as a job to go with it. Speaking of which…

You’re stood in front of the entryway, wringing your hands together, unable to shake yourself free of your anxieties. The door opened, revealing a tall middle aged woman who beckons you over. Slowly you make your way over, wiping your dampened hands on the front of your pants.

“Are you the new second grade teacher?” She inquires, looking you over.

“Ah, yes. My name is Y/n, it’s nice to meet you.” You give her a small bow.

“You’re here bright and early, aren’t you? Come on, I’ll show you to your classroom!” She smiles brightly, holding the door open wider to usher you inside. “I’m Han Ana, Mrs. Han to the kids. I’ve been teaching the fourth grade here for about twenty years now.”

You balk at her revelation, feeling like a child next to her. She leads you through the halls, chatting happily about the school before stopping in front of a room.

“Here, room 202 is all yours. You can situate yourself for now, but there’s an all staff meeting in twenty before the kids get here. It’ll be in the staff lounge downstairs. If you need any help I’m right down the hall in 204!” She leaves you at your classroom and you make your way inside. It’s your typical classroom, small desks in rows with one larger sat in the front. You place your bag and laptop on the front desk and open the shades covering the windows. Sunlight bursts throughout the room as you make your way around, inspecting every inch while rearranging desks where needed.

[8:18 am]

You glance up at the clock, only to find that you have less than two minutes to make it to the staff meeting. You race out the door, nearly falling down the stairs before you finally make it to the lounge. Every pair of eyes is on you as soon as you enter and you flush, ducking your head and sitting down next to Ana at one of the many round tables placed precariously around the room.

The staff meeting doesn’t last very long and you’re left with a good half hour before you need to get back to your classroom. Unsure as to what you should do next, you glance nervously around the table you’re sat at. All the unfamiliar faces make your head spin, each of them in their own conversations. Just as you’re about to get up and leave, Ana perks up.

“Oh, right! This is our new teacher, Y/n! They’re taking over for Mr. Park.”

“Thank god, that old man was really getting on my nerves.” A voice pipes up from across the table, pulling laughter from your coworkers.

“You look rather young, Y/n, how old are you?”

“I’m twenty-four. Just graduated a few months ago.” You flush as everyone gawks at you.

“Looks like you’re no longer our youngest teacher, Jaehyun. Think you’re ok with that?”

“I can live with it.” A deep voice chuckles a few seats away from you, and you turn to find the source. His eyes are already on yours and he greets you with a kind smile. “I’m Jung Jaehyun, previous youngest staff in the school. I’m also teaching the second grade.” You give him a soft smile in return, cheeks flushed slightly at his attention.

“It must be nice to finally have someone around your age, Jaehyun. I bet it can be tiring to hang around us old geezers all the time.” Ana pipes up.

“Ahhh, you guys aren’t so bad.” He teased, dimples poking at his cheeks. “But I’m excited to get to know our new addition.”

“We should probably head back to our classrooms. The kids should be arriving in about ten minutes now.” You stand up with everyone else, following them out the door. You feel a light nudge to your left, and turn to find Jaehyun walking beside you.

“What room are you in, newbie?”

“202. What about you?”

“Ah, damn I’m down here in 110. I was hoping we’d be on the same floor. Oh well, guess I’ll see you at lunch.” He grins before turning the corner, leaving you with a parting wave.

[11:50 am]

You’re exhausted yet probably the happiest you’ve ever been. Your students are absolutely adorable and seem to get along as well. The morning was filled with name games and little get-to-know-yous. Now, as you walk your students in a single file line to the cafeteria, you’re sure that you know all of their names by heart. They wave goodbye once they’re settled in the cafeteria and you make your way towards the staff lounge. Upon entering, you scan the room to find Jaehyun sat at a table in the center of the room. His gaze lifts from his lunchbox to rest on you and a smile tugs at the corner of his lips. You give him a short wave, going to grab your lunch from the refrigerator before sitting beside him.

“How are your kids? Any trouble makers?” He probes once you’re comfortably seated.

“Oh, they’re all so wonderful! I can already tell this year is going to be amazing!”

“That’s great! I knew as soon as I saw you that your students would love you.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You flush, feeling small under his gaze.

“I mean, you just have this air of comfort about you? Plus, the kids always take better to a pretty face.” Your blush only deepens and you laugh nervously, gaze shifting to your lunch.

“What about you, Jaehyun? How long have you been working here?”

“This is my fourth year.” He hums happily, leaning back in his chair. “I’ve never had any issues with my students, although I do get a few proposals every year.”

“I’m not surprised.” You laugh, shovelling rice into your mouth. Jaehyun quirks an eyebrow at you, a smirk playing at his lips.

“I think you might give me some competition for most marriage proposals.”

“Hmmm, we’ll see. Although i’m not sure that’s a title we should fight for.”

“It’s nothing but a friendly competition, Y/n.”  You shake your head, smiling slightly while packing up your lunch.

“I’ll see you later Jaehyun.”

“See ya!” He gives you a small nod, turning back to his lunch.

Day 6 [7:00 pm]

Jaehyun oftentimes wonders how and why he’s friends with the idiotic group of children he considers his closest friends. But now, sat on the floor of Doyoung’s nearly empty apartment with cookie crumbs covering the front of his shirt, he understands that he himself is one of those children.

“Hyung, I thought you were supposed to be mildly more responsible than the rest of us. It’s been like, what, a week since you moved in and you’re still not done unpacking?” Mark snickers from beside Jaehyun.

“Some of us have actual jobs that require them to be available most of the time, Mark.” Doyoung quips back, shoving the younger at the back of his head.

“Dude you can literally ask any of us for help, you know that right?” Johnny chimes in.

“Like I’d let any of you touch my belongings. Besides, you guys won’t know where to put anything.”

“Oh ye of little faith. Come on, why don’t we help right now!”

“Hold up.” Jaehyun sits straight up, brushing the crumbs from his shirt. “This is not what I agreed to! I’m exhausted from dealing with the kids all week, I don’t need any more exertion.”

Mumbles of agreement chime from around the room, Doyoung physically relaxing knowing that his belongings are no longer at risk of being tampered with; at least for now, that is. Jaehyun reaches for the pack of chocolate chip cookies in Sicheng’s grasp, nearly having to wrestle it out of his greedy hands. Sicheng finally releases the pack, causing Jaehyun to fall back on his ass earning a chorus of laughter from his friends.

“How are the kids this year anyways, Jae? Any wedding bells ringing?”

“Not yet, Tae.” He chuckles.

“Didn’t you mention that you were getting a new teacher?”

“Yea replacing that old asshole, right?”

“Ah, yea, they’re our new youngest staff member.” Jaehyun revealed.

“Ooooh are they cute?”

“They must be. Look! His ears are turning red!” The room once again erupts into laughter at the expense of Jaehyun. He looks around, gaze settling on a paper book that he then throws at whoever’s closest.

“Ow, c’mon man.” Yuta mumbles, rubbing his stomach.

“We’re just teasing you dude. I mean, it’s been like four years since you last dated someone, it’s about time you got back into the game.”

Jaehyun rolls his eyes in response, digging through the nearly empty pack of cookies in hopes of distracting himself. So what if he had been single for awhile? What was it that people said, married to your job? In fact, his last relationship ended right after he got his current job, something about him constantly smelling like baby powder now. Since then, he hasn’t really bothered to start a new relationship. Out of the odd single mother or father, Jaehyun doesn’t really come across people his age. He traded that part of his life to be surrounded by seven to eight year old children instead.

“Do you have a picture of them?”

“Uh, maybe, hold on a sec.” Jaehyun opens his photo app only to be faced with the picture of you that he most definitely had not been smiling at on his way over to Doyoung’s apartment. It’s a picture of you when you were on recess duty together. The two of you had been stood talking to one another, both keeping an eye on the children, when one of your students had ran over and tugged lightly on the side of your pants. You had immediately knelt down to be eye level with the child, asking her what was wrong. Blushing, the girl brought out a flower from behind her back, holding it out to you. You smiled gratefully and reached out to take the gift from her small hands. Jaehyun couldn’t help himself and immediately pulled out his phone, snapping a quick picture before turning away, feigning innocence. You had caught him, of course, and immediately demanded he send the picture to you.

“Hmmm, yea they’re cute.” Mark’s voice sounds directly next to Jaehyun’s ear. The boy cranes his neck to look over the elder’s shoulder for a peak at his phone screen.

“Oi, back off.” Jaehyun nudges Mark, turning his phone to show the rest of the group the photo. They hum in approval, a few exchanging nods and giving Jaehyun a sly thumbs up. Jaehyun feels his ears burn and he quickly snatches his phone back.

“Have you made a move yet?”

“Knowing our Jaehyun he probably already has.”

“Leave me aloooone.” Jaehyun whines, fully prepared to throw another book at the group.

“Sorry Jae, it’s just so fun to see you ears turn red. It’s so rare that we get to see you all flustered.”

“You’re not helping Johnny.”

“I know.”

Jaehyun decides that he really needs new friends who aren’t mentally, or physically, seven years old.

Day 33 [10:00 am]

A knock sounds at your classroom door, causing you to halt your current lesson. Your students immediately begin tittering amongst each other as you walk over to open the door, revealing a bashful Jaehyun stood in your doorway. You can hear your students shuffling in their seats, hoping to catch a glimpse of whoever is at the door.

“Hey Y/n, I was wondering if you had any extra white board markers? My last one just ran out in the middle of class and I’ve been meaning to buy new ones but I keep forgetting.”

“Sure, Jaehyun, give me a second.” Jaehyun follows you into your classroom, a chorus of “ooooh’s” from your students echoing around the room. You immediately shush them, flushing at their teasing. You reach into your desk drawer, pulling out a new marker and handing it to him.

“Thanks, Y/n.” He smiles, the classroom again bursting with teasing sounds and you usher Jaehyun out the door. It takes you almost five minutes to calm down the kids, although they continue to bring up Mr. Jung until the lunch bell rings. Once you drop the class off at the cafeteria, you heave a sigh of relief, happy to be free of their taunting. Jaehyun greets you in the staff’s lounge, sliding a rice cake over to you.

“What’s this for?”

“A little thank you for the new marker.”

“Ah really, it was no problem. But why didn’t you just go to someone on your floor.”

“Why, I wanted to visit you, of course! You’re worth the perilous trek.”

You roll your eyes. “Ah yes, the treacherous single flight of stairs, how brave of you.”

Jaehyun points his chopsticks at you, dropping a piece of chicken in the process. “Hey, you never know when you could trip and injure yourself. People fall and break their necks on those death traps all the time.”

“Lovely, Jaehyun. As if I wasn’t already afraid of falling down stairs.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll catch you if you fall.” He grins, reaching over to pat you on the head. You swat away his hand, ready to reprimand him for messing up your hair when Ana pulls out the chair next to you, calling for both of your attention.

“What are you two lovebirds up to?”

“L-lovebirds?” You choke out, eyes widening at her question.

“Haven’t you heard, you two are the new hot couple of the school.” She giggles, taking a bite out of her egg sandwich. “Even the students are gossiping! My, it’s so exciting, we haven’t had a school couple since Suzy and Haseul left.”

“We - I mean we’re not a couple…”

“Oh but you will be soon, I call it.”

Jaehyun, noticing your discomfort, cuts her off. “C’mon Ana, give it a rest for now. We’re just trying to eat our lunch in peace.”

She raises her arms in surrender, returning her focus back to her sandwich, voicing her complaints to the room. “I swear, the school lunches just seem to be worsening every year, more and more parents are making lunches for their kids.”

“It’s not that bad, they’re still better than anything my school provided when I was a kid.”

“Hm, little baby Jaehyunie must’ve been so cute.” You tease, pinching his cheeks.

“Ay, come on now.” He whines, ears turning red at your ministrations.

“Well, I better head out now, you kids have fun.” Ana stands up, wiping the crumbs from her hands.

You both bid her farewell, Jaehyun’s fingers tapping a soft beat onto your wrist.

“I’m sorry if all that coupley stuff made you uncomfortable. We’re all kind of like a big family here so most of us are used to that kind of teasing. You’ll probably get used to it, but if you ever feel uncomfortable again just let me know, ok?” He gives you a warm smile, his hand now settled over top your own. You smile, thanking him in return.

[3:50 pm]

You’re sat in the entryway to the school, one of your students sat beside you. You’re attempting to distract her, but it’s been twenty minutes since her mother was meant to pick her up and you can tell that she’s growing nervous.

“Mommy’s running a little late, Bora, don’t worry.” You attempt to soothe her, patting her lightly on the head. “Here, I have some markers and paper, why don’t you draw me a picture of your family?” She smiles at your suggestion, nodding happily while reaching for the supplies. You ask her about each figure drawn, attempting to engage her and keep her attention off of her absent mother.

“What are you two still doing out here?” You look up to see Jaehyun stood over you, smiling down at the two of you.

“I’m drawing, Mr. Jung! Look, there’s me and my little brother and my mommy!”

“Wow, you’re quite the artist!” He crouches down in front of you, leaning on your knees to get a better view of her drawings.

“Thank you!” She giggles. “Teacher’s keeping me company while I wait for my mommy to come pick me up.”

“Oh, well that’s very kind of teacher!”

“Yea! Teacher’s the best!” Bora leans over to hug you tightly and you laugh, wrapping your arms around her.

“Yea, they really are.” Jaehyun gazes up at the two of you, completely enamored. Your eyes sparkle in the sunlight, happiness radiating off of you.

“Mr. Jung!” Bora cries, poking him in the cheek. Leaning in closer to Jaehyun, she beckons him in closer. He leans in and she cups her hands around her mouth. “Are you and teacher dating?” She questions in a poor attempt at a whisper.

“No, Bora, at least not yet.” He whispers.

“But I want to marry you Mr. Jung.” She pouts.

“Maybe in a few years, ok?’ He chuckles. He grins up at you slyly, holding up two fingers. His second confession.

“Bora, baby I am so sorry, traffic was terrible!” A young woman comes rushing over to you, immediately sweeping her child into her arms.

“That’s ok mommy! Teacher and Mr. Jung kept me company.”

Her mother turns to face you, relief evident on her face. “Thank you so much for taking care of Bora, and I’m sorry for being so late.”

“That’s ok!” You smiled. “Just give me a call next time, you should have my number.”

“Right, of course, again I’m so sorry. I’ll be on time from now on.”

“Have nice night, ma’am! Bora, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Bye teacher! Bye Mr. Jung!”

Jaehyun gets up from his spot on the ground to stand beside you, both of you waving goodbye to the little girl. He can’t help but to gaze at you, heart practically on his sleeve. The way you treat your students so kindly, always sure to show them affection all while keeping an appropriately firm hand.

“Looks like we can go home—”

“Do you want to get something for dinner—” You both speak at the same time, laughing following shortly after.

“Isn’t it too early for dinner?” You question, checking the time on your phone.

“Factor in travel time plus walking around a little, we’ll find a restaurant right before the dinner rush.” Figuring why not? you nod in agreement, heading back inside to gather your belongings.

[4:45 pm]

So, maybe it is still a little too early to have dinner. And by a little too early you mean almost a full hour before you normally would eat. Jaehyun doesn’t seem to mind, however, happily pulling you along the fairly empty streets. You look upon him fondly, following him wherever he goes. Not that you had much choice considering how firmly his hand grasps yours.

It’s inevitable, the way your heart flutters whenever his gaze locks with yours. Sure, the boys you had met in the past were attractive, but Jaehyun’s pure beauty is utterly incomparable. Not to mention his affinity with children and all around gentille manner. If you were being completely honest, Jaehyun is your ideal man, and he’s practically fallen right into your lap. Now if only you could act upon your feelings…

“How about chicken and beer?” Jaehyun suggests, stopping in front of a restaurant.

“Jae, it’s still so early, I’m barely hungry!”

“Fine, why don’t we get takeout instead and then head back to my apartment?”

“Hmmm, trying to get me all to yourself Mr. Jung?”

“Oh god Y/n, please don’t call me that.” He laughs, pulling you inside the restaurant. “Now come on, what do you want to order?”

[5:30 pm]

Jaehyun’s apartment is almost excruciatingly neat, something you honestly didn’t expect from the boy. His classroom is almost always in a state of disarray, a trait you had assumed translated over into his home life. Instead, you’re faced with pristine white walls, not a single book out of place, all stacked neatly on the shelves lining the walls. Your shoes are lined up in the entryway, inked drawings hanging around the apartment. You’re stood gazing at one of said drawings when Jaehyun comes to stand behind you after placing your food on the counter.

“These are all done by my friend Taeyong.” He hums, placing his hands on your shoulders.

“He’s quite talented, does he do commissions?”

“Oh definitely, I bet I could even get you a discount!”

You laugh, pulling him back over to the counter. He grabs some plates from his cabinets as you unload the chicken. Each plate is decorated with a floral design around the brim, a fact you’re sure to take note of. You take a bite of chicken, humming at the savory taste. Meanwhile, Jaehyun’s hands are getting sweaty. It has been so long since Jaehyun dated someone, let alone invited someone over to his apartment who wasn’t a part of his friend group. Especially someone he held such a strong attraction to. He found himself unable to meet your gaze, quite the 180 from his usually confident demeanor.

“Jaehyun, did you know that your ears turn red fairly easily?”

Jaehyun immediately drops his chopsticks, bringing his hands to cover his ears. Of course his ears are red, they always are around you. You laugh at his reaction, muttering a soft cute  as you turn back to your chicken.

“I’m not cute,” he pouts, “I’m extremely handsome.”

“You can be both, Jae. In fact, you are.” Jaehyun’s hands are still over his ears, fully aware that they’ve only grown redder. “Eat your chicken, it’s gonna grow cold.”

Day 76 [8:30 am]

“Oh, Jaehyun! Just the teacher I’ve been looking for!” Jaehyun abruptly stops his conversation with one of the third grade teachers. He smiles, turning to face you.

“What’s up?”

“I’m trying to take the kids on a field trip to the science museum but the principal told me I need another teacher to come with me since I’m new. I was hoping you’d be ok with coming along. Our classes get along well too.”

Jaehyun thinks it’s rather odd that the principal is requiring you to bring another teacher along. He didn’t have to do that during his first year. He chooses to shrug it off for now, exchanging his confusion for relief. Thank god you were comfortable enough around him to ask for his help.

“I’d be glad to! I take my classes there every year anyways.”

“Oh, thank you so much, you’re a real lifesaver!”

“Of course, we can discuss the details later at lunch today, yea?

You give him a quick hug before dashing off to your classroom.

“Aren’t you guys dating yet?”

“Not yet.” Jaehyun smiles softly, gazing at your retreating figure.

Day 82 [8:30 am]

The students arrive half an hour earlier than usual so that they have enough time to explore the museum. You and Jaehyun are ushering your students onto the bus, chaperones already assigned and sat with their groups. The final student gets on the bus and you and Jaehyun follow. Considering that there are two classrooms plus chaperones on the bus, there are only two seats left, sat next to one another. Jaehyun allows you to sit first, giving you the window seat, and promptly plops himself down next to you.

He leans down to whisper in your ear. “I heard you got another confession yesterday. What does that make, five?”

“Are you still keeping track of that?” You snort. “I’m not even counting anymore.”

“Of course, I need to keep my status as most popular teacher!”

“Well if you must know, I’ve actually gotten six confessions.”

“I thought you stopped keeping track?” He pokes your side, teasing.

“You’re just jealous I have more confessions than you.” You huff.

“…maybe so.” Jaehyun sits back with a pout. “Just wait a few weeks, I’ll take you over.” He gazes over at you out of the corner of his eye, hoping to have pulled a reaction out of you. You’re already looking at him, smiling stupidly at his sulking figure. Jaehyun’s heart flutters, an almost foreign feeling after going so long without a relationship. If there’s one thing his friends are actually right about, it’s that he doesn’t get out enough. Whenever they ask him to hang out to drink, he opts to stay in, worried that one of his student’s parents might see him. Not an ideal situation, seeing your child’s teacher stumbling around in a drunken stupor. It had happened once during his first year of teaching, and Jaehyun is not about to let that happen again. Thus, he rarely has the ability to meet new people, let alone a potential lover. Then here comes you, the cute new teacher who steals his heart in less than five minutes. Damn his vulnerability.

[12:00 pm]

The students have congregated at the museum cafeteria, slightly exhausted from their morning spent running around the museum but still excited nonetheless. Jaehyun is sat next to you, both of your groups situated around the table. Happy chatter flits around the room, making it hard to hold a proper conversation. Jaehyun is forced to lean into your side so that you are able to hear one another, not that either of you mind. A light tug at the back of his shirt calls for Jaehyun to turn around, one of his students stood behind him.

“What’s up buddy?” He laughs lightly tickling the boy’s stomach. The boy giggles, breaking off into a long winded spiel about how exciting his day has been so far. Jaehyun diligently listens to every word, reacting when necessary and answering all of the boys questions to the best of his ability. You can’t help to gaze fondly at the two of them, heart fluttering at the sight (but then again, when doesn’t your heart flutter when Jaehyun is around).

“You’re my favorite teacher!” The boy finally states, hugging Jaehyun before skipping away. Jaehyun turns to you giving you a pointed look and a smirk.

“That does not count.” You state, rolling your eyes.

“Oh it totally does, this competition is for who’s the favorite teacher and he said I’m his favorite.”

“Yes but we’re only counting confessions.”

“Hey, we never made a rule like that.”

“Fine, I’ll count it. But only because you’ll still be behind me.”

“Only by one.” He teases, leaning over to snatch a piece of meat from your plate. You swat away his hand, Jaehyun laughing jovially in response.

[1:00 pm]

“All right kids, get back with your chaperones, we only have a few more hours left at the museum!” A chorus of groans sound throughout the museum cafeteria, your students not quite yet ready to leave. You round up your own group of kids, counting meticulously to make sure they’re all still present. The students are all fluttering about, fully energized from their lunch. A few have taken to hanging off your legs, giggling madly.

“How much sugar did you monkeys eat?” You laugh, leaning down to gently pry them off. “Come on, don’t you want to go back into the museum? We still haven’t gone to the weather room, I heard there’s a cool lightning exhibit.” Your students immediately let go of your legs, now wanting to explore the museum as soon as possible.

“Y/n!” You look up to see Jaehyun and his group of students coming towards you. “Heard you’re going to the weather room, we haven’t gone either and were hoping we could tag along.”

“I don’t know kids, do we want Mr. Jung to join us, I heard he’s a little smelly.”

“Hey! I am not smelly!”

Your students all giggle, taking great amusement in your back and forth.

“I think we should let them join, teacher! Mr. Jung is really handsome.” Bora sounds, a few of the other students in your group agreeing.

“Alright Mr. Jung, you can join our group but only because you’re so handsome.” You laugh, his ears reddening in embarrassment.

“Wow thank you guys so much.” He grins shyly. “Shall we go?”

You nod, gesturing for your students to follow close behind. Jaehyun sidles up to you, bumping your arm with his.

“Do you really think I’m smelly?” He whispers, half joking but also half worried you’ll say yes.

“Only a little,” you tease, “but, like, not in a bad way.”

“Ayyy, what’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean, like, I guess…”

“I guess…” He repeats, egging you on.  

“You smell nice.” You mumble, face flushed at your confession.

“Cute.” Jaehyun grins. “You smell nice too, in case you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t, but thanks for the affirmation.”

You turn into the weather room, giving your students free reign to walk around while you keep a close eye on them. Jaehyun stations himself across the room so that you have the whole area covered, but that doesn’t keep him from shooting dumb faces at you from time to time.

“Teacher!” One of your students bounds up to you, beckoning for you to crouch down to his height.

“What’s up Taegeun?”

“Is Mr. Jung your boyfriend?” He asks shyly, fiddling with his hands.

“No, why do you ask?”

He perks up at your answer. “Good, because I want to be your boyfriend.” He states proudly, puffing out his chest.

“Hmmm, I’m not really looking for a relationship right now.”

“That’s ok, I can wait.” He says, running back to his group of friends.

You stand back up and make eye contact with Jaehyun. You give him a smirk, holding up seven fingers. He glares back, shaking his head in mock anger at your popularity. You’ve stolen half the school’s hearts, including his own.

[2:35 pm]

The bus is waiting in front of the museum, a few students already sat on the vehicle. You’re standing by the doors, keeping count of the students entering the bus. Ticking off each student as they pass, you finally mark off the last one and make your way onto the bus. Jaehyun gestures for you to sit beside him, scooting over slightly to give you a little more room. You drop down into the seat, exhaustion radiating off of your slumped body.

“The kids tuckered you out, huh?”

“Mmm, just a little.” You hum, eyelids growing heavy.

“Here, you can lean on my shoulder. You have like forty-five minutes to take a nap.” He scoots a little closer, supplying you with the maximum amount of comfort he can. You thank him quietly, nuzzling into his side while leaning your head on his shoulder. Jaehyun looks down at you, admiring every eyelash, every freckle, every part of you his eyes can reach. He’s never been in love before, but he swears this is what it feels like.

Day 97 [9:00 pm]

Another Friday, and Jaehyun once again finds himself sat on Doyoung’s, now fully furnished, apartment. Even though there is a couch, Jaehyun arrived later than everyone else, thus he was left with the floor. His back is flush against the couch and Sicheng’s foot is currently kicking his head.

“Sicheng I’m going to kill you.” He snaps, reaching up to grab the boy’s foot.

“Only if you say you’ll go out with us tonight!”

“You know why I don’t want to!”

“Oh come on, Jae. It happened once years ago, what are the chances it’ll happen again?”

“Well that’s what I thought but look what happened.”

“Dude come on it’s been so long since you went out with us.” Johnny calls out, joining Sicheng in kicking the boy’s side. “Literally just come out with us this one night, we’ll never ask you again.”

Jaehyun hesitates.

“Look, if one of your parent’s sees you we’ll, I don’t know, we’ll pay for your dinner for a month.”

“Wait hold on we’re not agree—”

“Deal.” The thought of being seen by one of his student’s parents is terrifying, yes, but the thought of free dinner for a whole month far outways that potential embarrassment.

[10:00 pm]

Thankfully, his friends choose a more bar-like atmosphere instead of a full fledged club, knowing he probably wouldn’t be up for the high speed environment. There’s loud music playing, various games strewn around the building.

“We’re gonna head over to the pool table, you up for it?”

“I think I’m just gonna hang here for awhile, I’ll catch up with you later.”

A few of his friends head over to the pool table, leaving him at the bar. Jaehyun takes a sip of his drink, eyes scanning the room. He’s not really sure what he’s looking for; there’s not really much to find in the mass of sweaty bodies. His gaze travels to his friends making a bit of a scene by the pool table and he chuckles lowly, amused by their idiocy. He quickly looks away, however, because Ten is about to climb over the table, ready to grab Doyoung by the collar. Not a sight he wants to see. Scanning the room, he looks past the seating area, only to do a double take. There, sat on top of one of the many square tables, is a completely inebriated you, head thrown back in laughter at something your friend just said. The ends of his lips curl up in a smile and he observes your figure for a moment. Downing the rest of his drink, he places the empty glass on the bartop and stands to make his way over to you. Your friends must take notice of his towering figure because they all start frantically waving their arms at you, gesturing towards his approaching figure. You look up with a start and, upon seeing him, abruptly climb off the table. He rushes over to you, stabilizing your shaky figure.

“Mr. Jung, I did not expect to see you here. Like, never.” You giggled happily, poking his cheeks.

“Ah, Y/n, how much have you had to drink?”

“You know how many of the kids have confessed to me?” “Yea?”

“That many.”

“Holy shit.” He mumbled, studying your face. He turns to look at your friends who are all not so subtly checking him out. They turn away at his gaze, tittering amongst themselves before he calls for their attention. “Can I steal Y/n away from you guys?”

“Of course!” One of them giggles. “In fact you can steal me away too if you’d like.”

“Sorry, I only need Y/n.” He smiles kindly, already wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you away..

“Keep our baby safe!” They call after your retreating figures.

“Where are we going?” You mutter, clutching onto his bicep.

“We’re going to get some water into your system and then I’m taking you home.”

“Aw c’mon, you should have some fun! I know you haven’t been out since your first year. Have you even had something to drink yet?”

“I have and right now your safety is more important than me having fun.”

“Ayyy, I’m not gonna let you not have fun because of me. Are your friends here? Can I meet them?”

“Y/n I should really be getting you—”

“Ayo Jae, who’s the cutie?”

“Johnny you dumbass that’s that new teacher he’s been pining after.”

Before Jaehyun could steer you away from his rowdy group of friends you break out of his grasp, heading over to the pool table.

“Shit.” He mumbles under his breath, jogging over to you. Yuta’s already got his arm around you, engaging you in an animate conversation about god knows what. He sighs heavily, pulling you from his friend’s grasp, much to Yuta’s protests.

“Come on let’s get you some water.”

“Jae you can leave ‘em with us while you get the water. We want to get to know your new coworker anyways.” Yuta says with a wink, pulling you back into his side. Knowing he’s fighting a losing battle, Jaehyun hurries to get you a glass of water so that he could rescue you from his friends as soon as possible.

Through your haze you barely register the men surrounding you. They chat happily, asking you about work and, most importantly, your relationship with Jaehyun. You don’t take the questions particularly seriously, too drunk to actually pay attention to what they’re saying. An arm wraps around your waist and you turn your head slightly to find Jaehyun holding a glass of water out to you.

“Here, drink.” He commands softly, raising his eyebrows. You part your lips, too hazy to reach out and take the glass. Jaehyun rolls his eyes but brings the glass to your lips nonetheless. Slowly, he tilts it back, examining how your lips close around the rim as your eyes close. Your cheeks are rosy, this time not out of embarrassment, and your hair’s a bit of a mess. Still beautiful, though.

After a few sips your eyelids flutter open, signalling that you’ve had your fill. He lowers the glass, eyes locked, time at a standstill. Slowly, he raises his hand to run a thumb over your bottom lip, teasing at the plump flesh. Before either of you can make a move, Mark stumbles into Jaehyun, pushing him into you in the process. You giggle as Jaehyun attempts to steady you, glaring at the younger.

“Ok, time to get you home.” He says sternly, pulling you away from his friends.

“Ok.” You giggle, waving goodbye cutely. His friends all coo over you and Jaehyun has to keep himself from doing the same. Happy to have finally gotten you out of the vicinity of the bar, Jaehyun quickly hails a cab and pulls you in after him. You situate yourself as close to him as possible, snuggling into his warmth. You’re slightly more sober now although still a little hazy, and Jaehyun is like a walking space heater. A heavy sigh falls past his lips but he still wraps his arm around you, basking in the comfort you provide.

“You gotta wake up now Y/n. We’re at your place.”

You hum sleepily in response, clambering out of the car. Jaehyun practically has to carry you up to your apartment, making sure you drink more water and wash up before you flop onto your bed. Smiling fondly, he pats your head and leaves your apartment. He wonders if you’ll remember anything tomorrow morning.

Day 100 [3:20 pm]

“Ok kids, we’ll have reading time for the last ten minutes.” Your students all rush to pull out their books and you give out a small sigh of relief, happy that you’ll be able to relax. Before you can get too comfortable, however, a knock sounds at the door. Groaning under your breath you stand up to open it. You’re immediately faced with Jaehyun and his entire class.

“What’s this for?” You gasp, stepping back to let them in.

“Do you know how many days it’s been since you started working here?”

“No?”

“100!” He claps excitedly, grabbing a cake from one of his students, a big 100 written in frosting on top. Both your students and his cheer happily, mostly at the sight of the cake but also because of you, and you gladly take the cake, cheeks turning red.

“You have pretty poor timing, Jaehyun,” you whisper into his ear. “The kids have to leave soon and they’re not going to be happy once they find out they won’t get any cake.”

“I know, I was hoping it’d be a boost in my popularity.” He said with a wink.

“You’re the one who brought the cake, we’re both going down with this one.” You say pointedly, poking him in the chest.

Your students intermingle amongst themselves, books long forgotten in all the excitement. After a little chatting the bell rings and your students race out the door. Thankful that they weren’t too upset by the lack of cake, you make your way back to your room only to find Jaehyun already there, cake cut into slices. He holds a plate out to you, gesturing for you to sit on the desk beside him. Gratefully, you take the plate and sit down, digging into the cake.

“Oh my god this is delicious.” You moan, savoring in the taste of the fluffy dessert.

“Mmm, I know right? Paris Baguette really knows what they’re doing.” He hums happily in agreement. “You know, two of my students have confessed to me since the museum.”

“Damn, so we’re tied now huh.” You pout jokingly.

“You’re about to be winning again.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” You question, turning to face him.

“I know this is supposed to be a competition and everything, but you’re probably going to win anyways—”

“Hey we’re tied right now—”

“Let me finish ok?” You shut up, letting him finish his mini speech. “As I was saying before being so rudely interrupted,” you roll your eyes at that, “We’re not going to be tied anymore because I’m going to confess to you. Or, well, I am confessing to you.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Oh come on Y/n, it’s obvious we like each other, the whole school has been waiting practically with baited breath for us to get together!”

“No I know all that. I’m just surprised that you’re confessing so early into the year! You were taking this competition so seriously I thought you’d make me be the one to do it.”

“I can’t believe you Y/n.” He scoffs, leaning back on his hands.

“What? A competition’s a competition. Oh well, looks like I’m winning again.” You shrug, turning back to your cake, a teasing grin stuck on your face. Jaehyun sits there for a minute, shocked at your confession. Once you finish your cake, however, Jaehyun gets a brilliant idea. A mischievous smile creeps across his face and you stare at him in mild fear.

“What exactly are you thinking of doi—” You get cut off by Jaehyun shoving the rest of the cake in your face.

“You’re dead Mr. Jung.” Wiping the cake off of your face, you move to wipe it all over his face. But, before you get the chance, Jaehyun places his lips over yours in a deep kiss. Your lips move together in harmony, the kiss slightly sticky from all the cake residue. Eventually, he pulls away, grinning at you with cake crumbs and frosting covering his lips.

“Sweet.” He chuckles, licking his lips. You grab his cheeks with your cake covered hands and smoosh them together.

“Yes,” you laugh, “very.”

[rgr-pop]

On New Year’s Day this year I was putting away all my makeup from the night before (big night for makeup) and I decided that I would put all the makeup I use in a bag until the bag fills up, to see what I actually use. Well, color cosmetics, by which I mean non-base products, which is not what “color cosmetics” means but I’m my own boss. And this isn’t really everything, just stuff I wore out or to see people--which, to be fair, I don’t like to wear makeup unless I’m gonna be seen, and I don’t photograph my face anymore, so. Not bad for a shut-in though! I am ready to put my things back in order and reflect! Ft. night photos. 

What’s shown above is just the stuff I reached back into the bag for over and over again (cheating? I am my own boss, remember), and stuff that featured in some of my best or most memorable looks this year. The rest will follow. 

As you can see I leaned into pantone candid coral, lol, but coral is, always, my primary color for everything on my face. I had really imagined to use coral with a lot of grey lavenders, and I’m pleased to say I returned to that over and over again and came into loving it. It’s the classic for me. I had also planned to do a lot of coral + gold and coral + periwinkle but I rarely did!

COMMENTARY AFTER THE CUT even though I think you should be forced to read it

The original UD Naked palette @laskyjedneplavovlasky​ handed me down to keep me from buying it when it got discontinued just because it is now Retro and she knew I’d regret it. I like it! I’m gladder I didn’t spend money on it! The thing about me is that I don’t know how to wear or use “neutrals,” so I am learning and growing more with this palette than anything else I have. I expect we’ll see some interesting developments over the next few weeks. As for shimmery neutrals, I still think UD has the best, and I’ve long been a Sin fan. I use this Sin--I have it in like three other palettes--wet. My favorite thing to do with it is to wet a brush--weirdly I love the one that came with this thing--and use it to lay sin vertically down the center of my lid going over the crease, so it looks like actual silk.

NYX Ultimate Mult-Finish palette in Sugar High. These palettes are underwhelming for the price (didn’t I gift you a different colorway of this @madmoths​? do you agree that it’s finnicky?) but the shades here are too ideal and I use some combination of them constantly. If I were some “one palette only” rich bitch I’d get whatever the Nars equivalent of this is and just be like that forever.

Some other coral bits: Nars Orgasm blush, Benefit ultra plush lip gloss in Coralista (I still love these to death! you can’t get them!), Stila watercolor blush in Water Lily (another great thing you can’t get anymore but if you covet it it’s just a knockoff of many Korean products). That blush is Model Co’s blush cheek powder in Peach Bellini, it only recently went back into circulation because I had to repress it after breaking it four the literal third time but I could not find my alcohol spray bottle for umm two months. This is one of the nicest blushes I own just in terms of beauty and application, I need to see how long it lasts to be able to determine whether it’s top five. Happy to see you can still buy it.

That cream palette is an ancient Stila lip and cheek palette that I am determined to use “up” this year. Still smells and works great. I’ve been using those corals, obviously, but I’m reminded now how gorgeous that plum is. I didn’t really lean heavily into my black cherry victorian winter look, like I normally do, so maybe for spring? I’m thinking the next wave is black cherry + dark green for spring. Maybe with... mustard? Will report back.

That Colourpop eyeshadow is Erotic, one of the first products I ever got from them, miraculously still functioning although I can tell it’s kind of on its last legs. I need to use it up, I mean, I’m going to use it up, because it’s one of my favorite eyeshadows ever. I am hunting a perfect dupe! That shade is precisely the coral that I mean when I talk about coral.

Colourpop’s Chasing Rainbows palette. I never would have picked this out for myself but Lucas got sucked into a display at Ulta at Christmas and thought this was very cool, and, he was right? It’s so nice and I really recommend it. But I’m sure you can tell what I’ve been using most... I think if those teals had been something else (a baby blue?) and there was one more slightly shifty shimmer in a translucent base, this would be a basically perfect palette. 

That Huda sapphire palette is....we’re trying to work it out. I am trying to like it at all. (I actually love the silver glitter that temptalia gave an F, lol. She rates on claims but if you use it with only your fingers and a tacky tacky base it looks very neat on the lid.) 

I’ve had a rocky relationship with that MUFE palette (for a minute I thought it was the only thing temptalia had ever steered me wrong on!) but I’ve really come around on it. I use that suite of purples all the time and they are very luxe and dreamy on me, even if I wanted them to be opaque “colors” when I got them. I also use that blush in the center as a “transition shade” to blend out the edges of anything else I do with this palette.

I forgot to open that little TheBalm single, it’s a promotional single (lol!) from their Nude Dude palette. I can’t imagine spending money on the fucking TheBalm schitck, oh my god. This thing is a beauty though, a really nice purpley nude that was almost made just for me. I just cannot, no matter what I do, work any kind of “nude” into my every day life. I can’t. I want to pan this but..  I will not.

The tiny tube is a Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipstick in Get Ready. This was some kind of free birthday gift years ago? I never wore it because it is marginally “nude” so I did not learn until after they discontinued it that it is the best! I would buy a full size of this! (Well, I like the shade well enough--it’s really more of a medium pink than a nude--but I’d likely look for something bolder if I did.) It feels and smells almost exactly like the nicest Tom Ford lipsticks. I will have to try their new lipstick line--but their shit is all nude now! They have such nice formulas of dumb fucking nude everything!!

Colourpop Flexitarian highlighter is my favorite highlighter. The hurus are not lying! Below that is Anastasia’s Aurora palette--for ages I used the green all the time, but I’ve been using the peach-pinks and purples a lot more, as you could guess. I’m really aching for a straightforward pink highlighter. Then we have THE MAYBELLINE PUMA HIGHLIGHTER. What is it actually called? Chrome Highlight in Knockout. I cannot remember anything before this highlight. See, I know a lot of people like this line, but I had never been driven to try them, and I only got this because I got sucked into the whole thing, and I am strongly undisappointed. It’s not exactly unique but unique to my collection, and is the only kind of gold like that I have, and it has a slight rosy-purple base that is perfect for me and for the coral-lavender thing I’ve been doing. 

In the lower right corner is a little bit of a pink look--nothing new for me, I use that hot pink NYX Primal pigment all the time and have for years. It’s not the very best on the market but it’s buildable and the absolute perfect pink, so I’d say it’s probably the best for the price. The lip products are newer to me, a NYX “Slide On Glide On” lip pencil in Disco Rage (!) that Lucas got me for Christmas, which is great? Turns out the $10 lipliner is nicer than the $3 lipliner? Hate that! And a lipstick from a recent limited edition Revlon glitter collection in SE purple tubes--I had a very Collector moment about these and had to have one. This one 100 Watts Pink. I really kind of want more but I have restraint (a glittery pink is practical and everyday wearable!), that shit is getting expensive... HOWEVER! This reminds me that I fell back in love with some other Revlon Super Lustrous lipsticks, particularly FIRE AND ICE (!), thanks to temptalia revisiting them this year. Where did I put that?...

The colourpop super shock shadow on the bottom is Daddy. One of my best looks this month was, well, I had planned something entirely different but I put on youtube while I was getting dressed and Chloe Morello posted this so I had to reroute. She looks unbelievable, it’s a great look. This took a lot of building but it looked so fucking good, I wore it with the CP blue mascara (below), cobalt + bright lavender is a very good combination.

There are some more greige lavenders down there, Revlon’s Illuminance cream shadow palette in Wild Orchids--this maybe doesn’t wear that long but as an...item? concept? it’s one of my favorites ever. That glitter tube is a J.Cat holographic 3D eye topper thing, the shade is Unicorn Hype. I have two of these and would buy more. This was Tati’s influence! I love this brand and like this product, still wanna get the mousse ones but they were always sold out when she was hyping them last year. This one is, however, starting to get a slightly concerning chemical smell that will probably not keep me from putting it on my eyelids.

Aaaand... imho the product of the year is this CP mascaras. I got the red and the blue. IIRC the red is a little finnicky and the blue wears very nicely but they are by far the most vibrant and pigmented and beautiful colored mascaras I’ve ever used and I could not recommend them more highly. I especially adore the blue for all the time wear but I do think other brands have come out with great blue mascars. But what are you gonna do.... pick up some other red mascara? You’re not! (Well, I’m hoping the impact of these trickles down!!) You don’t need a white base under these at all, and they are definitely more of a volumizing and clumping formula vs. lengthening. 

[hannahberrie]

Everybody Talks | Chapter 3: Telephone

Fandom: Stranger Things Pairings: Mileven, Lumax  Rating: K WC: 5259 Summary: On a Friday night, the kids find their sleepovers getting more awkward by the minute.

[AO3] Chapter Selection: [1][2]-3-[4][5][6][7][8][9][10][11][12][13][14][15][Epilogue] 

[A/N]: Many thanks to @estrelladesimons for helping me draft this chapter, as well as the rest of the story. She is a lifesaver!

“Fireball the son of a bitch!” Dustin exclaims frantically.

“Hurry!” Mike pleads.

“Holy shit!” Lucas says through his teeth, gripping the edge of the table.

Will, hands shaking, drops his roll. The dice hit the Dungeons and Dragons board with a thud that resounds in the boys’ ears.

There’s a collective sharp intake of breath as the boys lean in, waiting for the dice to fall still.

“Wait for it…” Dustin says, holding up a hand.

And then…

“YES!” They all cheer, exchanging high-fives. Will breathes a sigh of relief, Lucas is grinning, Dustin fans himself with his hat, and Mike proceeds to pick up the Dungeon Master’s manual.

“The Orc howls in pain!” Mike reads dramatically, adding a couple shrieks of pain for theatrics. “His body bursts into flames, leaving nothing but a blackened corpse behind!”

“Sweet,” Dustin grins.

“Is that it?” Will asks, looking up at Mike expectantly.

“Silence falls over the dungeon,” Mike continues to read, “You breathe a sigh of relief. It’s finally over. Until—”

“Until?!” Lucas exclaims incredulously.

“Until you hear a noise. A faint, echoing rumble. It starts far away, but as your eyes widen in fear, you realize it’s getting closer, bigger.”

“Shit, shit, shit,” Dustin wheezes.

“An army of Orcs storms the dungeon!” Mike declares, slamming a fist down on the table for emphasis. “There’s hundreds and they’re looking for vengeance, for blood!”

“Son of a bitch!” Dustin exclaims, throwing up his hands in defeat. “We’re fu—“

He’s cut off by the sound of the basement door swinging open. The boys look up from the gaming table to see Mrs. Wheeler descending the stairs. She glances around the basement, looking frustrated, to say the least.

“Michael?” She gripes, folding her arms across her chest. “What did we say about keeping things clean?”

“It is!” Mike insists.

His mother motions to the numerous empty pizza boxes and coca-cola cans scattered across the floor.

“Well, except for that stuff,” Mike admits. “We just got distracted by the campaign!”

His mother gives him an impatient look before she begins to pick up the trash littered all over the floor. “You know that I’m not going to let you guys have sleepovers if you make a mess like this!”

“We know,” Mike says flatly.

Mrs. Wheeler finishes stacking up the precarious assemble of pizza boxes and soda cans in her arms. “Next time, you’re doing this,” she reminds him.

“I know.”

She glances at the game board, then back at the pajama-clad boys. “Have you guys been playing this all night?” She asks.

“Kinda…”

“Aren’t you guys getting a little old for this game?”

The boys exchange irked frowns.

“There’s no age limit for D&D,” Mike insists, rolling his eyes. “I’ve seen like, 40-year-olds playing it.”

“Well, that’s comforting,” Mrs. Wheeler replies dryly. She takes the pile of trash and heads back up the stairs. “Make sure you guys are in bed by 10!”

“But it’s Friday!”

“10 o’clock,” She repeats firmly, reaching the top of the stairs.

“Thanks, Karen!” Dustin calls out just as Mrs. Wheeler shuts the basement door.

“Dude!” Mike exclaims.

“What?”

“Don’t call my mom ‘Karen!’”

“She said I could!”

“When?”

“Last week!”

“Can we just get back to the campaign?” Lucas cuts in.

“Before we’re completely destroyed by the Orcs?” Will adds.

“Fine,” Mike sighs. He looks at the manual again and starts reading once more. He continues the narrative, setting the scene before listing off what scenarios the party could take.

Will, Lucas, and Dustin turn to each other, talking amongst themselves frantically.

“I say we fight our way out!” Lucas suggests.

“How are we going to fight hundreds of Orcs?”Will asks worriedly, “I think we should try to reason with them.”

“You can’t reason with bloodthirsty maniacs!” Dustin exclaims, “I say we offer one of ourselves as a sacrifice!”

“Who do we have to sacrifice?” Lucas asks, dumbfounded.

“The traitor,” Dustin jokes, jabbing his thumb towards Mike.

Mike’s brow furrows. “What?!”

“I’m kidding!” Dustin insists, before adding, “…Mostly.”

“How am I a traitor?” Mike asks indignantly.

“Well,” Dustin glances at Will and Lucas before continuing, “You kind of betrayed the party.”

“How?!”

“You befriended the enemy!”

“What?!”

“El? El Hopper? You’re like, totally in love with her!”  

“Am not!”

“You literally walked her out of class!”

“I already told you guys, we just happened to be walking out at the same time. What was I supposed to do, just ignore her?”

“Uh, yeah!” Dustin says, tone indicating that Mike is missing blatantly obvious. “That’s how we survive!”

“Survive? Survive what?”

“High school!”

“Don’t you think you’re being a little harsh?” Will cuts in hesitantly, “I mean, we don’t really know them.”

“Thank you,” Mike says to Will, giving Dustin an annoyed scowl.

“I’m not being harsh!” Dustin defends. “I’m just dealing with the facts! Everyone knows that high school has a hierarchy. You got your shithead jocks, the preps, the stoners, the punks, and then, way at the bottom, us. Face it, Mike — you and El are from two completely different classes!”

“No, we’re not! We’re in the same grade!”

“Not school ‘classes’!” Dustin motions to the Dungeons and Dragons board. “Like these. When’s the last time you heard of like, a High Elf befriending a Drow?

“What?” Mike exclaims, furrowing his brow.

“Exactly, never!”

Mike, currently at a lost for words, just frowns. “Yeah, but…”

“We’re just not meant to get along with people like El, it’s not how high school works!” Dustin continues, “It’ll only blow up in our faces and end in disaster!”

Mike falls silent. Dustin’s words, though he probably doesn’t know it, speak to a secret worry of Mike’s: that El will grow bored of whatever is happening between them. That she’ll wake up one day, remember how lame he is, and want nothing to do with him, like most kids at school. Is he really just wasting time, trying to get to know her? Maybe he’s just prolonging his own rejection.

“He has a point,” Lucas admits.

Mike isn’t ready to admit as much. “I thought you liked Max!” He instead points out in frustration.

“I do—“ Lucas pauses then freezes, eyes wide, “I mean, I don’t! I mean, I dunno. She’s still awesome, but I’m pretty sure she hates me.”

“Why?” Will asks.

“Every time she passes me in the hallway, she punches me in the arm,” Lucas explains, “It kind of hurts.”

Dustin laughs. Lucas proceeds to punch his arm.

“That means she likes you,” Will says, ignoring their fighting, “At least, I think so.”

“How would that mean that she likes me?” Lucas asks, confused.

“She’s showing you attention!” Will explains, “My mom says girls always go out of their way to show attention to the guys they like.”

“Really?” Lucas perks up at this, failing to hide his growing smile.

Will shrugs.

“Like it matters!” Dustin scowls, “Did any of you guys hear a word of what I just said?”

“Haven’t you ever heard that you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover?” Mike counters Dustin, “What if Max and El are really awesome, and you’re too busy being an asshole to even realize it?”

Dustin gives him a look. “I’ll believe it when I see it. For now, I’m just trying to save us all from catastrophic embarrassment!”

Before anyone else can answer, Mike’s mother opens the door to the basement again. “Michael!” She calls down, “Phone!”

“Who is it?” Mike calls back.

“It sounds like a girl!”

Wait. What?

“A girl?!” The guys all echo, turning to look at each other in bafflement.

A beat passes.

Then they’re running.

The four boys, now shouting, scramble up the stairs with Mike in the lead.

“Maybe it’s Vanna White!” Dustin exclaims, “Maybe you’ll get to be on Wheel of Fortune!”

“Why would Vanna White call my house?” Mike snaps back.

“I dunno! But think about all the Atari games we could buy!”

“It’s probably Mrs. Hawthorne!” Lucas snickers gleefully, “She’s gonna bust you for stabbing the Biology frog in its gall bladder!”

“That was an accident!”

They reach the top of the stairs, race down the hallway, and arrive at the family phone. The receiver is still hanging off the cord where Mrs. Wheeler left it, swaying ominously.

As his friends scramble to stand behind him, Mike stares at the phone, suddenly feeling nervous.

“Are you gonna answer?” Will asks Mike.

Curiosity gets the better of Mike, and he nods in response. Glancing at his friends one last time, he takes a deep breath and picks up the phone, placing the receiver over his ear.

“…Hello?”

“This is the best part!” Max gushes excitedly, “Just wait for it!”

El watches in horror as the music swells and Michael Myers bursts from the shadows. He pins his victim to the wall by the neck, watching as his prey writhes in his grasp. Myes raises the knife. Its blade glints in the moonlight. Then, with a sickening squelch, the knife drives right through the victim’s chest and into the wall.

“He gets PINNED to the wall with the KNIFE!” Max recounts, face twisted into a grossed-out smile. “It’s totally disgusting and awesome!”

“Totally awesome,” El nods, grimacing. She looks away from the screen and returns her attention to the task at hand: painting Max’s nails. “Hold still,” she instructs, getting out the black polish.

“Sorry,” Max apologies, laying her fingers out in front of El.

“You like this?” El mumbles as the camera lingers on the limp body of the victim.

“It’s cool!”

“Cool?”

“Totally.”

They’re in El’s room, currently in the midst of one of their coveted Friday night sleepovers. They’re sprawled across El’s bed, surrounded by candy wrappers, nail polish bottles, and dark eyeshadow palettes. Max brought over her VHS copy of Halloween, which is currently playing on the small TV El keeps atop her dresser.

El gives the black nail polish a shake before unscrewing the cap. She carefully holds Max’s palm with one hand as she applies the polish with the other, making sure to not get it all over Max’s cuticles.

While El still has her hair slicked back, Max has pulled hers back into a long ponytail. She flips it over her shoulder as she speaks, making sure her hair is out of the way as El gets to work.

“You like the movie too, right?” Max asks, glancing back at the TV.

“Yeah,” El lies. To be honest, after the frog dissection, the last thing El needed was an entire movie that was solely about someone going around and cutting people open. But El also knows that this is Max’s favorite movie, and she doesn’t want to hurt her feelings.

“I was Michael Myers for three Halloweens in a row,” Max states proudly. “One time, I hid behind some bushes and totally scared the shit out of Billy. You should’ve heard him, he screamed like a—“

There’s a knock on the door, and the girls look up to see El’s father, aka, Jim Hopper, aka the Hawkins Chief of Police, standing in the doorway.

El knows that, like her, her dad can be pretty intimidating. He’s tall and massive and can yell when he needs to. But tonight, he’s not a tough police officer. Tonight, he’s just her dad, sporting an old Hawkins University T-shirt and some jeans.

“You kids still doing alright in here?” He asks, glancing into the room. His eyes land on the TV, catching sight of Michael Myers stalking down a dark hallway, knife in hand. He frowns. “What are you watching?”

“Nothing!” El quickly replies. With a quick jerk of her head, the TV switches off, and she turns to smile at her father innocently. “Just sitting!”

“And doing nails!” Max adds, holding up her hands as evidence.

“Humph,” Hopper snorts, evidently deciding to let it slide. “Well, are you girls getting hungry? You want me to order a pizza, or something?”

“Yes, please!” El chirps.

“Can we have sausage and pepperoni?” Max asks.

“Sure,” Hopper replies.

The girls wait for him to leave before turning back to each other. El keeps the TV turned off, hoping that she can get away with ‘forgetting’ to play the movie again.

“Are you going to go to Homecoming?” El asks, trying to distract Max with conversation.

“You mean the dance?”

“Yeah.”

“The dance that they’ve put up ten million posters for all over school?”

“Yeah.”

“The one at the end of the month?”

“Yeah.”

“The dance that only dweebs go to?”

“Yeah?”

“Then no.”

El pushes down the tinge of disappointment that rises in her chest. “Yeah, me neither. It’s lame.”

“Totally.”

El finishes Max’s nails, and Max admires them proudly. “Thanks!” Max smiles, proceeding to blow on them to help them dry faster.

“Welcome,” El replies, pushing the nail polish bottles aside.

A moment passes, and El starts to search her mind for something to say. She really, really, doesn’t want to finish watching the movie. Thankfully, Max speaks up next.

“We should do something!” Max says, looking around El’s room.

“Like what?”

Please not ‘watch Halloween’.

Max thinks. “What do girls do at sleepovers? Like, the preps?”

El’s brow furrows. “I don’t know. Gossip?”

“Listen to Cyndi Lauper?”

El blushes. “Talk about guys.”

“And,” Max says slowly, pausing for dramatic emphasis, “Pillow fights!” She turns, grabs a pillow from El’s bedspread, and proceeds to smack El over the head with it.

“Ow!” El laughs, grabbing her own pillow.

The two go back and forth, whacking at each other sporadically as they burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter.

Amongst the chaos, Max knocks the remainder of El’s pillows off the bed, uncovering something that was hidden underneath.

The Hawkins High 1984 yearbook slides out into view. It bumps up against Max’s leg and makes her pause. “What the—“

“Don’t!” El gasps, dropping the pillow she was holding.

Max snatches up the book before El can. She turns it over in her hands before holding it up to El, an intrigued grin curving her lips.

“Why do you keep last year’s yearbook under your pillow?” Max asks incredulously.

“It’s nothing!”

“Nothing? Seriously?”

“Just give it to me!” El snaps, lunging forward.

“What are you hiding?” Max moves back and gets off the bed, holding the yearbook closer. Ignoring El’s protests, she starts to flip through it, looking completely pleased with herself. “Wait, is this page bookmarked?” She asks, flipping open to the page marked with a yellow post-it note.

“Max!” El scrambles off the bed and follows after her, but Max is too quick. She continues to move about the room, maneuvering just out of El’s reach.

“Why do you have this page bookmarked?” She asks, scanning the page, “It’s just the last of the kids from our grade, no one we even know is — holy shit.”

El freezes. “What?”

Max turns the book around and points at the page. “That’s that guy!” She exclaims, “Mike! Mike Wheeler! The geek! The one you were totally drooling over last week!”

“No!” El denies adamantly, her cheeks growing hot.

“You even got his dorky club photo bookmarked,” Max snorts, flipping to the second sticky-noted page. “You’re like, totally stalking him.”

El uses her powers to whisk the book out of Max’s hands and into her own grasp.

“Stop.”  She says firmly, giving Max her best glare.

Max looks alarmed, but then her expression softens. “El…”

El tries to stay mad, to stay tough, but her embarrassment eats away at her and she can feel her walls start to break.

She looks at her feet, face hot with shame. “Don’t,” she warns, pleads. “I…I know it’s stupid. I’m stupid.”

“You’re not stupid!” Max quickly insists. She moves to sit on the bed again and motions for El to join her.

El, still clutching the yearbook, follows her with great reluctance.

Max turns to look her in the eye, speaking with great sincerity. “I’m sorry I laughed, okay? I just didn’t think you’d ever like someone so—“

El eyes her warily.

“Different,” Max hastily finishes.

El slumps her shoulders as she looks down at the yearbook in her arms. She runs a finger over its spine, thoughts going back to her few, but treasured, memories of Mike. The way he made her laugh. The way he rambled when he got excited. The way he wasn’t totally scared off by her smudged eyeshadow or dark demeanor. The way he smiled at her.

“He’s nice,” El finally mumbles, “and smart. And funny. He doesn’t make fun of me for being weird.”

Max stays silent, allowing El to unload all of her emotions.

“I know you think he’s a geek, but I…I like him,” El continues, feeling less shy, “Just ‘cause he likes comics and video games doesn’t mean that he’s a total knucklehead.”

“Right,” Max replies, looking oddly uncomfortable for a moment. But the moment passes as quickly as it comes, and a second later, her face returns to its original, relaxed expression. “No, you’re totally right. I shouldn’t have laughed, that was stupid.”

“It’s ok,” El assures her with a small smile. She turns, grabs her pillows off the floor, and arranges them as they once were, sliding the yearbook back under her them. Though the anxious feeling in her chest has died down, she’s still feeling a little awkward about the whole thing. She’d never planned on having to explain why she spends too much time looking at someone in a photograph, even if it was to her best friend.

“So, what are you gonna do?” Max asks.

“Do?”

“About President Nerd?”

Oh. Right.

El looks down at her own nails, gaze focused on the chipped black polish on her thumbnail. “I don’t know. He barely notices me,” She mumbles.

“Why don’t you just show him one of your mind tricks, or something?” Max suggests. “That’ll get his attention.”

El gives her a look. “You know I can’t. Dad doesn’t want me to tell anyone about my powers.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. It was just an idea.”

“And,” El continues, “I don’t want him to think I’m a freak.”

“Why would he think that?”

El holds up her hands, then motions to her own head.

“Having powers makes you cool!” Max says. “You know what I’d do if I had powers?”

“Something dangerous?” El smiles.

“Uh, yeah!”

The two exchange smiles before falling silent.

A beat passes, then Max gets a mischievous grin on her face. It’s the same grin she had before they spray-painted the principal’s car.

Oh no.

“What?” El asks hesitantly.

“It’s just,” Max replies, grinning even wider, “If he won’t notice you, you just gotta make him.”

El frowns. “What do you mean?”

Max turns around, grabs the phone resting on El’s nightstand, and pulls it onto her bed. “Call him!”

“No!” El jumps back from the phone as quickly as if it had burned her.

“C’mon!” Max taunts, holding out the receiver, “I dare you!”

“We already played Truth or Dare.”

“Well, we’re playing again. Call him.”

El continues to shake her head, though with a bit of reluctance. “I don’t…I don’t know his number,” she mumbles weakly.

“Yellow Pages,” Max replies.

“But…”

“Do you want him to know you exist, or not?” Max says exasperatedly, “Are you really going to just keep moping around like a total bonehead or actually do something?”

El looks her in the eye.

Max looks back.

“I’m not a bonehead.”

“Then call him.”

El takes a deep breath.

“You know you want to,” Max says in an exaggerated, girly voice that makes El giggle.

“Fine!” She bursts.

“Yes! No takebacks!” Max laughs impishly before jumping off the bed. “I’ll go get the book!”

El buries her face in her pillow as Max runs out of her room and down the stairs.

What on earth did she just agree to?

Much too soon, Max is back with the bulky Yellow Pages book. She rejoins El on the bed and begins to flip through the “W” Residencies. Her eyes are narrowed with determination, while El’s are wide with anticipation.

“Wheeler!” Max announces triumphantly, jabbing a finger at the page. “Ted and Karen. That’s gotta be it!”

“O-okay!” El says, unable to hide her nervousness — she doesn’t think she’d be able to even if she tried.

El pulls the phone closer to her. Max reads off the number. El dials it with shaking fingers.

Max slides in close to El, no doubt to make sure she can hear the entire exchange take place. El holds the receiver to her ear, holding her breath, heart pounding.

The phone rings three times before it’s picked up.

“Hello?” Someone answers — someone that’s definitely not Mike. It’s a woman’s voice, probably his mom’s.

This was a terrible mistake.

“Uh, hi?” El’s voice is shaking, and she takes another deep breath to steady herself. “Is Mike there?”

“Yes, he is. May I ask who’s calling?”

El hesitates, not wanting to out herself just yet. “I’m in class with him,” she offers instead. “At school.”

“Alright, I’ll go get him,” Mrs. Wheeler replies. El can hear her set the phone down.

“Was that his MOM?” Max snorts.

El nods. “She’s going to get him.” She can feel her heartbeat in her throat and she suddenly feels nauseous. “What should I say to him?” She hisses to Max.

“Tell him you love him!” Max replies, snorting again.

El punches her leg.

There’s a minute of silence. Then, moments later, El hears the muffled sound of running feet and shouting. Her brow furrows in alarm and confusion, but seconds later, it’s quiet again.

More silence.

Then she hears someone pick up the phone.

El readies herself.

Here we go.

“…Hello?” Mike asks nervously.

El swallows. “Hey.”

Both receivers crackle loudly, allowing for Mike and El’s friends to hear every exchanged word.

“Who is this?”

(“The girl of your dreams,” Max says in that girly voice again, unable to keep a straight face.)

“…..El.”

“El?”

(Will’s jaw drops. Dustin and Lucas immediately proceed to make an ‘oooooooh,’ sound.)

“Uh, yeah.”

Mike’s heart skips a beat, and for a moment, he’s pretty sure he’s dreaming. Then again, if he is, he’s 100% sure that his dreams wouldn’t include Lucas and Dustin making kissy sounds in the background. “Hey!” He replies, throwing the guys a dirty look. “What’s up?”

El pauses. She still doesn’t have a good reason for calling him. She glances around her room, desperately searching for some sort of inspiration. Her gaze lands on her backpack, and she smiles in relief.

“Do we have homework?” She asks quickly, “In Biology? I, uh, forgot.”  

(“Homework?” Max mouths, shaking her head in disbelief.)

“Homework?” Was that it? Mike feels his heart sink a little lower in his chest. “I don’t think so.”

“Oh,” El replies. Why did she call him again? She sounds like a complete idiot right now. How is this supposed to make him like her?

“Yeah.”

“Yeah.”

(“This is the most depressing conversation I’ve ever heard,” Lucas  mutters, “And we just had to watch Scared Straight for psychology class.”)

“So, uh, what are you up to?” Mike asks, trying to make conversation.

El feels herself blush. “I’m just at my house,” she mumbles.

“Cool! I’m at my house too!” Mike responds earnestly.

(“No shit,” Dustin says, smacking himself on the forehead.)

Even though this conversation is going about as well as a train wreck, El smiles when she hears the familiar, upbeat liveliness in his voice. “Comics and video games?” She asks, hoping he’ll remember their detention conversation.

Mike grins. She’d remembered! “Uh, yeah, kind of! I actually just got this new Star Wars Comic, First Strike? It’s the 100th issue, so it’s like, super cool!”

“One hundred?” El echoes in surprise.

“Yeah, they make a lot,” Mike continues, “I’ve read all of them though. You could borrow them sometime, if you wanted.”

(“Do you think that showing you his comic collection is the nerd version of getting to first base?” Max asks.)

El feels her face grow warm. “Yeah,” she says casually, even though she’s never seen any of the Star Wars movies. She’s not about to admit that right now, though.

“Cool!” Mike replies cheerily.

El wants to say more. She wants to just sit and talk to Mike for hours upon hours until her voice is hoarse and she’s exhausted her vocabulary. But with Max right there, grinning at her, and the mounting feeling of pressure swelling in her chest, El knows that she needs to take a step back.

“Well, uh, I should go,” she says.

Mike feels his heart sink. Then again, as he scowls at Dustin and Lucas, who are back to making kissy faces at him, now isn’t exactly the best time to get into a lengthy conversation with El.

“Yeah, okay,” Mike replies. “See you later!”

“Okay!”

“Bye!”

“Bye, Mike!”

The phone call ends.

“You guys are assholes!” Mike says as he hangs up the phone.

In response, his friends all burst into laughter.

“That was painful!” Lucas exclaims, both grinning and wincing at the same time.

“Like watching C3PO trying to win over Leia!” Dustin giggles.

“Oh, c’mon! Was it really that bad?” Mike asks, turning to Will. Though he keeps his tone casual, internally he’s pleading for validation that he didn’t just totally screw up.

“I think she likes you,” Will offers with a smile, “She’s showing you attention, remember?”

Mike hesitates. “But she just wanted to know about homework!”

“She could have called the teacher,” Will points out, “Or someone else in class.”

“That’s true…”

“You want my advice?” Dustin asks.

“Not really,” Mike mutters.

“Get out while you still can,” Dustin finishes, placing a hand on Mike’s shoulder.

“Gee, thanks.”

“You’re welcome!”

“C’mon!” Lucas rolls his eyes and starts heading back down the hallway. “Let’s get back to the campaign!”

“Last one to the basement gets sacrificed!” Dustin calls out, darting past them.

“No fair!” Will cries out, following after them.

As they’re already halfway down the basement stairs, Mike already knows that he’s going to be the one to get sacrificed.

Shit.

Glancing at the phone one last time, Mike follows his friends down the stairs, forcing himself to push aside any further worries about El.

El hangs up the phone quickly, cheeks a bright scarlet.

Max starts laughing again, though this time it doesn’t hurt El’s feelings. “He’s like, totally in love with you,” Max snorts, “It’s adorable, really.”

El tries her best to give Max an annoyed look, but truth be told, the phone conversation has left her head in the clouds. “He doesn’t,” El insists half-heartedly.

“Right, Mr. ‘I’m At My House Too’!” Max bursts into another round of laughter. “‘Let me show you my sweet comics!’”

El, despite how red-faced she already is, manages to blush even more. “Shut up!” She replies, now laughing too.

“You like him,” Max teases, poking El repeatedly.

“Stop!” El gasps, trying to grab the offending finger.

“You like Mike!”

“Mike?” A new voice asks.

The girls look up to see Hopper standing in the doorway, holding a box of pizza.

“Dad!” El squeaks. She and Max sit up straighter on her bed, trying to look as nonchalant as possible.

“Who’s Mike?” Hopper asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Nobody.”

“Nobody?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’re just getting all giggly over ‘nobody’?”

El hesitates. “I….”

“Mike is a boy from school,” Max cuts in.

El turns to her friend, aghast. “Max!”

“What?” Max shrugs, “He’s a cop! He was going to find out eventually!”

“So, you tell him now?”

“Do I know him?” Hopper asks. He’s smiling, eyes twinkling with mischief. “This ‘Mike’?”

“No!” El exclaims. This, without a doubt, is the most embarrassing night of her life.

“What’s he do?” Hopper continues, looking intrigued. “Any sports or clubs?”

“Well, he’s 15, so he sells drugs,” Max says dryly, “Like, hardcore drugs. And he’s been to jail, like five times.”

“MAX.”

Hopper snorts at the sarcasm. He sets the pizza down on El’s bed and points to Max. “I like her,” he states.

“I don’t,” El grumbles, throwing Max a dirty look.

Max beams back at her.

“I going to assume you’re joking,” Hopper says, giving the girls a serious look, to which Max nods sincerely.

“Do you actually think El would like someone like that?” Max asks.

Hopper hesitates. “Well…”

El’s brow furrows. “Dad!”

“Well, I know you two are into this whole,” his sentence trails off as he motions between them, “Punk thing. I’m fine with it, but I want you to be smart about it. Like, the whole thing with the principal’s car? You gotta stop messing around like that.”

“I know,” El pouts. Even though her dad already chewed her out about this last week, it still hurts to know that she disappointed him. “Sorry.”

Hopper smooths his hand over El’s slicked-back hair. “You guys are good kids,” he reminds them, “I know high school isn’t always easy, but you don’t need to act out to make it easier.”

Max and El exchange hesitant looks.

“Ok,” El mumbles.

Hopper nods before moving back and heading back towards the door. “Make sure you get some sleep,” he instructs them.

“We will!” Max assures him.

Hopper leaves then, shutting El’s bedroom door behind him.

“Your dad is pretty cool, you know,” Max says. She opens the pizza box and takes a slice, proceeding to talk with her mouth full. “Like Jack Cates. I wish my dad was a cop.“

“You say that now,” El takes her own pizza slice. “But what about when you want to spend time with Lucas?”

Max nearly chokes on her pizza slice. “What?!”

El raises her eyebrows and takes a bite of her pizza.

“I don’t like that dweeb!” Max insists.

“Okay.”

“I don’t!”

“You were staring at him during lunch yesterday.”

“He had food on his face, it was hilarious.”

“Okay.”

“I don’t like Lucas,” Max repeats. She rolls her eyes, flips her ponytail, shifts in place, and makes a snort of disgust, as if the more dismissive actions she makes, the more El will believe her.

“Sure.”

Max gives her a dirty look.

El only beams right back.

[thedefinitionofbts]

In Memory of Your Wings

Pairings: Jung Hoseok x Reader

Genre: Dancer!Hoseok, Dancer!Reader, Angst

Words: 3K

Description: As requested by anon: “A Hoseok scenario where he meets a girl who's passionate about dancing and ends up getting some tips from her. They eventually fall in luv but when she faints one day he rushes her to the hospital and finds out that she has an illness she’s been hiding from him and doesn't have much time to live.”

A/N: I cried so hard. It’s only a short scenario but daaaamn. Thank you for sending in the request! I hope you like it :) 

“Your moves lack emotion.”

Hoseok’s head jerks around at the sound of a girl’s voice reverberating through the empty dance studio. The lights weren’t even on and the only source of brightness making anything visible was the subtle glow of daylight flowing in from the glass windows.

“Well, I’m not exactly a dancer.” He continues to look at you, titling his head to the side and pursing his lips. “I was just waiting for a friend.” Referring to Park Jimin, his actual dancer friend, who ought to be here by now. Where the hell is he anyways?

“But you’re here and you’re dancing” You point out the obvious, albeit what he was doing wasn’t technically what you considered to be dancing, but he had potential, that’s for sure.

“You’re point is?”

You chuckle lightly. “You won’t know how good you are until you try. Are you interested in becoming a dancer?”

Hoseok ponders over your question. He had never seriously considered it, although he has been amazed at Jimin’s skill every time he watches the younger male dance, he’s never categorized it as something he could actually pick up, let alone excel in the way his super talented friend was able to.  

He shrugs. “I guess.” Can’t hurt to try, right?

 His response leads to the two of you exchanging phone numbers and setting up a time and date to get your “private lessons” started. Since he was a novice, you had suggested personally teaching him the basics before throwing him in a dance group. All of this almost leads Hoseok to believe that if getting a gorgeous girl’s number was this easy; he would’ve signed up for dance a long time ago. That is, until he finds out how serious you are about your coveted art form.

“You have to think of as the act of you telling a story.” You explain, demonstrating a short piece so can visualize what you are talking about. “You know, like how music can tell a story without lyrics or how a picture is worth a thousand words.”

Hoseok nods, trying to grasp the main point of your spiel while at the same time rooted in the spot, mesmerized by the way your body is able to flow so effortlessly.

“Once you get the basics down, it’s all about practice and perfecting each little movement that act as the building blocks of the story you are painting with the motion of your body.”

“Does that go for all kinds of dance?”

You nod. “You need to learn and understand how your body moves before choosing your area of specialty. But from the looks of your sharp movements and natural tendency for adding your own…flare, I think you’d be good at hip hop, but don’t limit yourself to only one type of dance because many styles can overlap and result in unique combinations. Just like your friend the other day.”

“Jimin?”

“Yeah, he was dancing hip hop, but I can tell he’s had training in contemporary.”

“Oh, wow, you’re good” Hoseok flashes you a thumbs up.

“Shall we get started then?”

Hoseok gives you the okay to proceed.

 Dancing is a lot more physically taxing than Hoseok had previously thought. He learns that it is as mental as it is physical, especially in the beginning when the movements haven’t solidified as muscle memory yet, and he would mess up if he wasn’t thinking or started spacing out.

“So I can tell you’re really passionate about dancing.” Hoseok comments, trying to keep up with your more advanced moves. Your turn and glance at him with a cheerful nod before signaling for a short break.

You walk over and grab a bottle of water while tossing one to Hoseok as the two of you sink to the ground in exhaustion.

“I love it more than anything. There’s nothing else in the world that makes me feel like I can express everything I’m feeling the way that dancing does. It makes me feel sort of unstoppable, you know?” You laugh, light and carefree, and Hoseok wonders why he can’t seem to tear his eyes off of you at that moment. 

“Wow” Hoseok whispers, not knowing how else to respond.

“Dancing gives me wings.” You state, standing up and getting ready for more practice.  

“Wings?”

He doesn’t understand it then, but he figures he might someday.

 …

 Jung Hoseok’s group of friends is a rowdy bunch and sometimes they do things that make him wonder why he even hangs out with them. At the moment, he was watching Taehyung down a bottle of coke as quickly as possible while crowded in a booth at their favorite diner in town.

“New record!” Jungkook hoots like a frat boy. 

“Yaaassss” Taehyung cheers, giving the younger boy a high five. He turns to Hoseok right after the celebration dies down. “Oh, hyung, I heard you’ve met a girl recently.”

“Yeah, he scored private dance lessons with Y/N. Y.N.” Jimin cuts in, crossing his arms and shaking his head like it was unbelievable. “Like dude, how the fuck did you get her number, when I’ve been secretly crushing on her for years?”

“She came to me.” Hoseok reminds. “But yeah, she’s pretty amazing. I can see why you were heads over heels for her.”

Jimin almost chokes on his water. “Thanks.” He mutters sarcastically. “I’m glad we can agree on one thing.”

“What I got out of the story is that you shouldn’t have invited Hoseok to the dance studio that day, and then arrived twenty minutes late.” Jungkook comments.

“Or maybe she just thinks he’s better at dancing than you.” Taehyung adds nonchalantly.

“Guys, stop rubbing it in.” Jimin sighs. “I’m over it.”

“That’s because you were never in it to begin with.” Jungkook cackles, and it’s so obnoxious that Jimin punches him in the shoulder.

To be completely honest, Hoseok didn’t understand it either. He didn’t know why you had offered to teach him how to dance and subsequently opted to spend your precious time with him almost everyday since, when you literally could have any other guy you wanted. You were beautiful, sweet, super talented, and sought after by every guy at the dance academy (according to Jimin) and he was just…Hoseok.

“Remember when I said your moves lacked emotion the first time I met you?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok clearly remembers that unexpected day that changed his life in a way he couldn’t have even dreamed of. It was one of the most memorable things that has ever happened to him and had been less than a month ago, so of course he remembers. He always will.  

“Well that wasn’t entirely true.”

“What do you mean?”

“There was a indecipherable kind of sadness I felt when I watched you dance. Has anything traumatic ever happened in your life? Sorry if I’m being nosy, but I think that emotion is still there even as I watch you dance now.”

Hoseok is stunned by your ability to analyze expression in dance, because never in a million years would he suspect anyone to be able to read him like a book the way you do. He hasn’t told anyone about his past, about being raised by a single father after his mother left him. He had become an expert at hiding these things, not wanting to bother anyone with his old scars that he thought had faded completely.

But you somehow became his soothing balm because he’s never felt this comfortable talking about his vulnerabilities with anyone, and certainly not this early on in any kind of relationship. He wonders if you’ll ever feel comfortable enough to open up to him in the same way he has to you because you were much stronger than he was on many levels, and yet he didn’t feel the need to outcompete you or prove himself in order to impress you. He liked the way you guided him and showed him the world through your eyes because everything you saw was artistic and breathtaking just like you. And thinking back, maybe he shouldn’t have made you feel like you had to be his stability in the turbulence that is life because it’s much easier to balance on a moving train when two people are leaning on each other.  

 …

 “Are you ready for your first performance?” You voice echoes through the dance studio once again as Hoseok’s gaze is still trained on his moving reflection in the mirror.

Another month had passed, and you had finally deemed Hoseok ready to enter into a dance competition. You’re team needed an extra person, and Hoseok had improved immensely just like you had predicted he would, so he was the perfect person to take the spot.

“Oh god, Y/N, I’m so nervous. I think I’m going to shit myself.”

You laugh out loud. “Come on Hobi, you’ll be fine. You’re dancing with a group, and I’ll be on stage with you.”

“I-I can’t do this.” Hoseok shakes his head, trying to calm his erratic breathing. “I haven’t been able to sleep and my hands are clammier than they’ve ever been.”

“Be brave, I believe in you.”

Hoseok doesn’t know if it’s because of your angelic voice or the determined look in your eyes as you lift a hand to caress his cheek, but in that instant he forgets about his nerves and worries about messing up or forgetting the steps on stage, because he would do anything for you, and if you believed in him, he was unstoppable.

  …

 It was on a cold rainy night when you faint in the dance studio for the first time. All Hoseok remembers is hearing a loud thump on the ground and panicking as he sprinted over to shake you awake in vain. There were a million thoughts racing through his head at the time. He didn’t know what to do and his mind wasn’t clear enough to be rational, so he lifts you up on his back and runs.

He runs and runs and runs. Faster than he ever has in his life, through the pouring water that is trickling into his eyes and blinding him, choking his airways as he tries to breath while he sprints through the dark and empty streets, fueled by pure panic and limitless adrenaline. He doesn’t know how serious this is, and he’s praying that it’s only a side effect of fatigue. And for a moment he’s actually able to persuade himself it could be just lack of sleep or the result of skipping a meal, but what it actually was, was something Hoseok could’ve never been prepared for. Even in retrospect, he still doesn’t know how he survived the ultimate revelation of your disease.

You had been diagnosed with a type of incurable cancer several years ago. Initially the chemotherapy had kept the malignant tumor at bay, but as expected of such vile diseases, it relapsed not too long ago. You had wanted to tell Hoseok, you really did, but you didn’t want to be responsible for tainting his sunny smile with the crimson from your dying body, not when his past wounds were just beginning to heal and his laugh had become your favorite sound in the world. But you were a fool to believe you could hide it from him forever.

“I’m sorry Hoseok. I’m sorry I’m scaring you like this. I wanted to tell you, but-”

“It’s my fault.” Hoseok shakes his head, biting his hands that are balled into fists. He hates himself for being the weak one. He hates the fact that you could never lean on him the way he leaned on you. It made him realize just how small and pathetic he was, and even now with tears streaming down his face uncontrollably as he watched your limp body lay on the hospital bed, he’s still fucking powerless.

“No, Hoseok, please don’t blame yourself. Don’t you dare ever blame yourself when someone else leaves you. Listen to me, it’s not your fault, it never is and it never will be.” Your voice is barely stern enough to sound cutting, but it was as sharp as you are able to manage with your vocal cords growing weak.

“Y/N, why didn’t you tell me?”

Your mouth curves into a faint smile. “Because I’ve always wanted to be strong, so I can show you what it feels like to have wings.” Your voice is weak, and your eyelids are droopy, but Hoseok’s grip is firmly latched on to your hand and somehow you’re able to convince yourself he’ll never let go.

 …

 One month.

That was how long your projected lifespan was according to the doctor, and as short as that may seem, as unfair as it was, you were thankful that you at least had that amount of time.

You couldn’t dance anymore, and that was perhaps what hit you the hardest, to have the one thing you loved most in this world ripped away from your soul. But you had Jung Hoseok, and you soon came to consider him to be the best trade-off you were lucky enough to be granted because he had become your sun on the gloomiest of days, the sweet scent of honeysuckle in the summer when you were banished into an endless winter. And it was precisely because he was the thing that replaced your long-held passion that made you realize just how deeply you had fallen in love with the him.

“How was your day?” You ask as he walks into your hospital room with a bouquet of flowers and a first place dance medal in his hands.

“It was great! We won Y/N! Your choreographed routine got first place!” He chirps, hoping over to your bedside and handing you the shiny gold medal.

You smile sadly. “I wish I was there to watch you perform.”

Hoseok takes a deep breath and sits down, taking your free hand and cupping it in both of his. “I was thinking about you the entire time I was dancing. I think that’s what made the performance perfect.”

You laugh. “So cheesy, I’m cringing.”

“Hey, I’m just speaking the truth.” Hoseok defends. “You’re the one who told me dance can allow you to express anything. I was dancing as if you were right there on stage with me, so technically you were the one who won this.”

Whenever he has time, Hoseok comes to visit and pushes you in a wheelchair around the hospital grounds. It was a good way to let you breath some fresh air and feel the rays of the sun hit your skin and warm your soul. Winter was coming to an end, and spring was just around the corner, so Hoseok hopes you can see the flowers bloom at least one last time.

“I’m glad that I met you, but I’m also sad I’m putting you through this.” You voice as you gaze at the empty trees that are just barely beginning to sprout green leaves. The wind was a bit chilly, but you felt strangely warm because your world now had two suns.

“I’m glad that I met you, and I’m grateful you’ve shared so much of yourself with me.” Hoseok repeats. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Hoseok.”

 …

 You left this life when the wild flowers started blooming in the spring. It was a peaceful death, although not without pain, but Hoseok was by your side the entire way through, like he always was, like he always will be, and like you always will be there for him. He was able to send you off because you had made him brave enough to face loss with a strong heart, to forgive misfortunate events because they give birth to everlasting memories that make you stronger.

And to this day he still misses you like the sun misses the moon, like star-crossed lovers miss each other from across chasms that separate worlds. He doesn’t think he’ll ever not miss you. He knows his heart will continue to search for you endlessly, reaching out towards that light he’ll continuously be racing towards and maybe he’ll never reach it, but at least he knows exactly where to find you.  

He can still hear the airy sound of your voice each time he steps on stage. When he’s trembling with nerves and has to take that deep sedative breath right before stepping under the limelight with the cheer of the crowd encouraging him to move like the wind, which he’s now able to do because you gifted him your wings.

 “Be brave, I’ll always believe in you.”

...

[junker-town]

Why Derrick Brown would be worth a top-5 pick in *any* NFL Draft

Derrick Brown could be a top-five pick in the 2020 NFL Draft.

Retired defensive end Stephen White thinks Derrick Brown is the most exciting interior pass rusher since Aaron Donald.

I’ve seen ridiculously strong defensive tackles and I’ve seen ridiculously athletic defensive tackles. But it is rare to see both in one guy, especially one Derrick Brown’s size, at a shade under 6’5 and 326 pounds.

Y’all already know I’m a sucker for a dude who goes hard all the time anyway, but Brown is a hustler’s hustler. He doesn’t run hard to the ball “for a big guy.” He runs hard to the ball, period!

Wherever he is going on the field, he’s always trying to get there in a hurry. It’s a damn near inspiration to an old-school defensive lineman like myself. Brown busts his ass play in and play out, and out of all the impressive things I saw from him on tape, that was what jumped off the screen the most.

He plays the game with the kind of effort that is sure to be contagious in the NFL. You won’t want to be the one getting called out for getting smoked by the big fella. Then again, with as fast as I saw Brown run a few times, maybe they wouldn’t have anything to be embarrassed about.

Even when it doesn’t look like he will have a chance to get in on a tackle, Brown still turns and runs to the ball. He is truly relentless and that’s reflected in his on-field production. There’s a reason why I credited him with 28 tackles, including three tackles for a loss, in the four games of his I watched. You don’t make that many plays by just standing around and waiting for the ball to come to you. You make that many plays by going out and making shit happen.

What Brown does well: He’s got power

Brown’s physical gifts are not limited to his uncommon speed for a man his size. His excellent technique also helped Brown get in position to make a lot of plays at Auburn.

Did I mention that he’s also as strong as a damn ox and can ragdoll men much bigger than him? Because honestly? The way Brown was tossing 300-pound guys around like they were a mere nuisance was probably what had me cussing the most when watching his film. And believe me, my swear jar is overflowing at this point.

And I want to remind everybody that these weren’t Arkansas School Of Underwater Basketweaving offensive linemen he was dominating like that. Brown was able to overpower a bunch of Power 5 offensive linemen like it was nothing.

Of the four teams, I’d say Alabama’s offensive line probably gave him the biggest challenge when it came to physicality. He did get pushed around a few times, but by the end of the game, he had put his stamp on it. He even ended Alabama’s last-gasp attempt at a comeback by knocking a pass down at the line of scrimmage after once again winning a one-on-one matchup.

To top it off, he plays with a pretty salty attitude.

Nothing dirty, but I did see Brown giving a few offensive linemen the business right up to the whistle several times, even when he might’ve been better off trying to get to the ball. In that Oregon game to start off the season, he played like some of the offensive linemen owed him money.

You need guys on defense who straddle the line like that, and that’s another reason why I feel like teams will covet him not only for his talent, but also for his leadership.

What Brown does well: Defend the run

In general as a run defender, Brown is so big and strong that it almost didn’t matter who he was going against. Brown usually rendered blockers irrelevant by jacking them up and then locating the football while keeping the would-be blocker at arm’s length. Then once he found the ball, Brown would simply discard the blocker quickly and, usually, violently.

When Brown was singled up, the only question was whether the ball carrier would run on a path close enough for Brown to tackle him at or behind the line of scrimmage, or if Brown would have to run to get to him.

Hell, that even applied when he was fighting double-teams sometimes.

Brown would be chilling with a blocker hanging off of him, just waiting for the right time to pounce on the ball carrier. And once you see it, you can’t un-see it. It was just really shocking to see a college player who was that much better than the dudes he was facing.

Speaking of double-teams, they didn’t much slow Brown down, either. He would focus on one of the two blockers, shoot his hands into their chest, and really hunker down with his shoulders turned to prevent the second blocker from having much of a surface to hit. Then, whenever the second blocker came off, say, to try to block a linebacker, Brown would spring into action.

Of course, sometimes he said to hell with it and just blew up everything in the backfield.

You look at all of the athletic traits that Brown displayed on tape, add in his power, versatility, and football IQ to go along with his motor? It doesn’t get much better than him as a defensive line prospect. It really doesn’t.

What he does well: Pass rush (and he’s got some moves!)

Here’s the rub: he might be an even better pass rusher than he is a run defender.

In fact, I don’t think I’ve been this excited about an interior pass rush prospect not named Aaron Donald. And I say “interior” pass rusher, but I also saw Brown win one-on-one matchups on offensive tackles as well.

No cap.

That big joker got busy no matter where Auburn lined him up on passing downs. The main attraction in his pass-rushing arsenal was a heavy helping of power rushes. He was also damn good at them. In particular, he showed the ability to consistently get push on either guard upfield; then, at about the level of the quarterback, he would rip right through their outside shoulder like a hot knife through butter.

Brown also has some nice inside counter moves off those power rushes to keep opposing offensive linemen honest. The fastest route to the quarterback is always going to be a straight line, and Brown is well equipped to be a pocket collapser in the league from day one.

It would be mistake to assume he is just a bull rush guy, however.

A huge mistake.

While Brown will make most of his hay with his power, his finesse moves were just about equally impressive. One thing I love about Brown as a pass rusher is that he has good hip turn as he runs, no matter what kind of move he is going for. That helps him to turn a tight corner when he tries an outside rush, and it helps him fight force with force when he is trying to work through the blocker.

It isn’t normal to see a guy Brown’s size as a pass rusher, but he looked like very polished in the games that I watched.

And let me say this is where statistics can be very misleading if you don’t watch the tape. Brown “only” had one sack in those four games, but for one reason or another, he still wasn’t credited with a sack or a pressure on certain plays. On one, he used one of the best inside spin moves I’ve ever seen any interior defensive lineman execute since I’ve been doing these breakdowns.

Brown beat the Alabama right guard so quickly and thoroughly with that spin move that the center didn’t even have time to help. And what did Brown get in return for making such a magnificent move? Alabama’s backup quarterback threw a touchdown as Brown was bearing down on him.

Yeah ...

I would bet none of those Alabama offensive linemen are sorry to see Brown leaving, that’s for sure.

Where Brown can improve: Staying upright more often

As for concerns, Brown was on the ground a little too much for my liking. Most of the time he was either a little too overextended when trying to shove an offensive lineman backward, or he was simply playing with pad level that was too high. I know it’s not easy for 6’5 cats to stay low for a whole game, but bending his knees more consistently would probably help Brown stay upright a little more.

My gripe is probably nitpicking somewhat. It would help if he played a little lower, but he is still going to make plays regardless. He’s just that good.

Brown’s NFL future: Defensive Rookie of the Year frontrunner

I totally understand why a lot of people are high on Ohio State edge rusher Chase Young. I am too, for that matter. But if I were picking at the top of this draft, it might be a coin flip between him and Derrick Brown. I don’t really think you can go wrong with either guy, but I see more intangibles in ways that won’t necessarily show up on a stat sheet from Brown than I do from Young. And that’s not a knock on Young as much as it is giving Brown his well-deserved props.

As obviously talented as Donald was when he came out, he didn’t have the same kind of motor as I saw from Brown, and still doesn’t for that matter. No, Brown isn’t the same class of athlete as Donald, but he can have a similar kind of impact on games, just with a different approach.

I thought Brown tested out fine at the combine, and I was really impressed that he was able to get 28 reps of 225 pounds with arms that stretch out more than 34 inches in length. That will help with some power rushes. His 5.16 in the 40 is more than respectable for a man his size, but I have to tell you he moves faster than that on the field. More importantly, you will rarely see someone 320+ pounds running 10 yards down the field, let alone 40.

However, the bonus you get with Brown is he does hustle downfield consistently, so you are going to get every bit of that 40 time every play. I would imagine nobody wants to be on the receiving end after he has built up a full head of steam.

I have only watched a total of three players for this year’s draft at this point, but it’s hard for me to believe Brown will get drafted any later than the top five because he looks like a guy who would go top five in any draft. Barring injury, I think we will see greatness from Brown sooner than later after he makes the transition to the NFL. I’d bet him against the field for Defensive Rookie of the Year, right now, today. That’s just how much potential I see in him as a prospect.

We will see if the teams at the top of the draft agree come the end of April.

Be sure to check out my other scouting reports on Chase Young and Jerry Jeudy.

For the purposes of this breakdown, I watched Derrick Brown play against Oregon, Florida, Alabama, and Minnesota in the Outback Bowl.

[vicjrcajilig]

The Color of Grief: A Brother’s Reminiscence and Unsaid Eulogy

Disclaimer: This post contains more than 2,000 American English words, making it a five-page read. If you get bored easily with reading, feel free to discontinue. This is nothing like the stuff you see on Facebook that uncomplicatedly tickles your fancy. This is of somewhat eulogistic nature.

It must be one of the deepest cuts made by pain, if not the deepest and worst, to have ever known by the human body. It’s not the kind of sadness you will ever want to feel one more time for the strange, selfish purpose of just feeling something. It’s not the spur-of-the-moment kind of sadness or that sadness you get on Sundays because it’s Monday the next day. It’s worse than disappointments or goodbyes leading to long distance relationships. As a matter of fact, to my surprise, it feels dark. I’m not sure how dark feels like but it’s the best way I can describe it, if I were to, from how my senses translate. It’s too dark of a feeling I can’t even cite a shade or color to resemble its darkness. You can’t say it’s grey, though grey denotes gloom, but it’s still too bright for me; never dark, never gloomy. If there had ever been a shade darker than Cimmerian or ebony or pitch-black, it must be it. But there’s none; black is the darkest. So it has to be black—nothing else. Maybe that’s why mourners wear black to mean they’re grieving. Maybe that’s why death is always visualized in black.

My friends, meet Grief. I’m talking about grief, that deep cut inflicted by pain itself; that feeling of blackness.

What do I know about pain and sadness, anyway? How was I able to know which sadness is worse? How dare I? Well, trust me; I have known them… until I met grief. And so far, it’s not nice meeting Grief. It’s the darkest, darker than vengeance or romantic heartbreak or have them combined. Ultimately, it’s grief at the peak of the pyramid. It’s too dark you can’t even grope yourself, let alone grope for support while in it. The feeling of getting lost and emptiness has never been so true.

All of this is unprecedented. I never saw bereavement until this. It’s a personal life record. I was born without grandparents hovering and playing strict and overprotective around me like how yours do or did around you. I’ve known the concept of funerals but I wouldn’t know how it felt like for those in loss. I’ve seen a few burials and it was not quite a sight to see (and hear). And twelve days ago, life’s roulette stopped at us—we sent our eldest to her grave. Oh what a black, black picture to look at.

Funny how I’d found it a little inhuman when Casey Affleck’s character in “Manchester by the Sea” reacted to his older brother’s passing. It was a phone call. He never shed a tear; neither was shocked nor seen in pain. But just like him, I got to shrug it off. Casey Affleck won Best Actor here so I ought to trust his emotional interpretation and I was also taking into consideration that maybe it was some typical American behavior or accustomed manifestation of machismo because even the son of the dead brother was never taken grieving and despondent. I’d carried on, ending up loving the movie anyway. Then, one Tuesday noon, it was a phone call too. An unregistered number rang me up to tell me that our eldest sister was found dead, that she apparently took her own life (as what was also impetuously blazoned on social media for the intention of gossiping and for the self-gratification from gaining likes which by the way reached one of my then unknowing brothers. Just one of the many reasons why I’ve loathed Facebook. It’s brimming with fake news and thirsty users. Dude, if you’re reading this shit, hope you rang up your purpose!). I was shocked, yes. I was clueless and in utter disbelief, too. I felt my body temperature rose like fever but maybe much worse. It was one typical, sweltering day but whatever temperature upsurge I felt was no way caused by it. I was stuttering throughout the call, too shaken to ask my hows and whys. I managed to do so but I couldn’t seem to absorb every excruciating fact the caller had to say. I felt no imminent tear to complete the mood, though. “Manchester by the Sea” was nothing less than emotionally accurate, I accordingly conclude. It was not something only Americans could pull off. To hear it first before anyone from my siblings was something I would never ask for; to hear real-life tragedy from my ear through my head and heart to imbibe was, however, something I would never want. Who would, anyway? I’d finally cried before that unforgettable Tuesday ended.

Ate Eng died alone. She died alone and probably in pain. She died on the floor behind a locked door, alone. She died ALONE that one night and wasn’t found until the sun was fully lit up in the sky. Her heart stopped while mine kept beating. I woke up that following morning; she did not. She wasn’t at least rushed to the hospital for the hope of performing anything medically useful for the chance to make her breathe the same air I breathe now and that she freely used to. These truths will forever wound my heart. This will forever be torturing. This will forever be haunting. Ate Eng, how I wish I were there with you that night. But if that was incontestably your last night, well at least you did not die alone… at least you were found earlier than noon.

Or you could have at least gasped my name.

I would love to blame myself just for the sake of putting the blame, but this was clearly nobody’s doing. And from the bottom of my heart, from the littlest string of it to each of its beating, I am still thankful to those who found you. I could only imagine their anguish finding you. There. Alone.

Ate “Eng,” born Florvic, was our eldest sister. Her demeanor and tone might’ve stricken you for someone of strong personality but she was fundamentally sweet and generous; to others, helpful and cheerful. If you’d ask me what can possibly be her impalpable legacy, it’s her cooking, for she was the best cook in the family, even way better than Mama. It must be her twists to typical dishes and the span of her culinary skills. I remember how she’d used to love cuddles in bed when I was still small enough for her tight embrace; when she’d loved clothing me with OshKosh B’Gosh; how she’d mashed Libby’s Vienna sausage to mix with my rice then loved it so much I could have the same thing thrice a day; when she’d cleaned my ears with “Baby JR,” as she called the Q-tips (cotton buds); when she’d supported me in my childhood Teletubbies collection and the BeyBlade frenzy; when she’d gifted me so much Ragnarok Online merchandise on my high school graduation that unexaggeratedly filled a big bed; when we’d used to hang out in Glorietta, her favorite mall, at Timezone when we were kids and watch movies and pig out when we grew older. These times will additionally remind me how she’d used to require sticking either of my hands into her jeans’ back pocket to keep me close through crowded malls; when she’d gone with us and paid for our school supplies; when she would intone, “So sad!” under so sad situations. And more little things such as her snorts, her sneezes, her loud laughter, her teenage fondness for Looney Tunes and Mickey and Minnie Mouse, her premium taste in shoe wear, flip flops, and smartphones; and the mosquito nets customized to serve as her blankets. She was a sweet sister to me from my Baby JR years even until I’ve outgrown the cuddles she loved and the OshKosh I didn’t really like. She was the reason behind my most coveted Canon, most significantly. It’s a material thing but, mind you, because of it, I will be forever indebted for making me believe that dreams can still come true.

She was not invariably the ideal flawlessly sweet sister though, because she was ill-tempered at the most part. She was temperamental, choleric. Scolding my twin brothers had been a common scene among them like how she used to do with me when I was their age. As she aged and so did all of us, her string of patience towards us seemed to have never been any lengthier. Maybe that was one way she was aging. The same sweetness we grew up with lingered nonetheless; she would always be the sweet sister, as sweet as the bars of chocolates she would hand us as peace offering after getting herself at the top of her lungs. Now, in return, I wish I could hand her anything more than the beauty and fragrance of pink flowers and the wisps of smoke from candles or even this writing.  Little did she know we are not big fans of chocolates. But I would love to let her know that we will forever be a fan of her sweetness, untainted throughout the years.

Death is real, so I have realized. I know people naturally die but you will never understand until it’s right there at your face. Losing someone for good is real. I’ve never seen my father cry before nor seen my mother in so much misery as I kept her in my arms (just imagine their pain sending their child—their eldest to the grave). Hence, death. We’ll never see her on her pink scooter again. Hence, death. We’ll never smell her perfume or her hair shampoo or her body lotion again. Hence, death. We’ll never hear her laughing again that everyone but our family will remind them of her. Hence, death. We’ll never taste her Java Rice, baked mac & cheese, lasagna, crab omelet, panna cotta, and well-spiced sunny side-up again. Hence, death. We, the seven children, will never be seen seven again. Hence, death. We can see her smiling again only in pictures and see her alive on videos (how I wish I had more pictures and videos with her!). Death, so now I’ve realized, is real. And it pains to think about it. It pains worse to accept it.

What hurts me even more is that everything about her is now was. Everything about her is now in past tense. She’s now was.

In this ordeal, I have found out that strength of one’s soul is also real, that the soul has to be taken care of for the sake of holding up well. You don’t simply hold up, you have to hold up well. You have to keep your soul intact. You have to keep sane (what kept us sane was our first ever nephew. Without Allen, this could’ve been more of a struggle. Without him, we could hold up, yes, but could never hold up fast and well). Lastly, you have to be strong for the people around you who need strength. Strength is contagious and in fact absorbable. Trust me; it’s true. The first week was the worst for me. Well, of course. I couldn’t stand being alone in one room. I consistently longed for another human presence, particularly of another family member. I couldn’t listen to sad songs (much less danceable and happy ones) or play Ragnarok or read George R.R. Martin to at least divert my attention even for a short while. And my appetite was fucked up. My system was all down and out, seemingly too tired to normally function. It just happened that I have a bunch of brothers and an irresistible nephew, so I am pretty lucky. I’ve never felt guilty of walking at the mall while there she lay in her casket (because I had thought I could distract myself that way).I've never felt guilty of delighting in good food while there she lay in her casket, probably starving. I’ve never felt guilty of wearing bright colors while there she lay in her casket (though I would love to be clad in black every day, only I ran out of black t-shirts shortly the second day). I felt like I didn’t deserve happiness and enjoyment in any way while she lay there in her casket. Oh fuck—the thought of her lying like a log, breathless in a rectangular container so-called “casket” was too true to accept as true… until I saw her that night. There. In a beautiful white and gold casket beneath a white canopy of lacy textile and the crucifix. There I looked down at her for the first time since her death with all-out agony and sympathy. There she lay, looking like Mama. Stiff. Lifeless. Nestled in the mergence of scents of death and candle and pink rose and white daisy and dahlia. A scent that is now imprinted in me as the scent of death and grief, and nobody’s but only hers.  White… Can grief be as pure as white?

Just like that, she’s now dead and gone. And she’s only 35. She never had the chance of bearing a child, of playing the part with motherhood. Of being a wife, she will never walk the altar in white (I couldn’t imagine her in traditional wedding dress, though! I just can’t hahaha). She could have done more things in life, especially plans for their future. But along with her, that future withered away. But I can say she was at least happy, thanks to her partner Kuya Marvin. She did not take her own life, by the way, as clinically  affirmed. She might have been ill-tempered and anxious at times but she was a woman of hope and strength. The strength of her soul had always been unswerving and she was surrounded with love (as shown by the number of people who went to her 14-day wake until the pre-burial mass). Suicide is the last thing she could’ve ever had in mind.

I wrote this down not for owning up my regrets, for there’s nothing I’ve regretted. I had better memories with Ate Eng. All I want to say, however, is I’m certainly going to miss her every single day as long as I live. Her presence may be gone, her body may have been buried six feet down the ground, but she will forever be in our hearts, never for a second be forgotten. I can light a candle every day for her if I could. I will make sure it’s pink, too—hold up now, can’t it be pink? Can pink resemble this grief? It’s her favorite color anyway. No?

So, this is how grief feels like. Now I know. And it’s been empty and dark, like you’re the one buried. For those who are putting up with this darkness, be strong. It substantially means you should keep eating and keep sane. Then take time to grieve—cry away. It’s okay. Get as much hugs as possible. I know it’s not going to be a walk in the park. I should know. I know it’s black and dark but light will cut through as you heal over time. Don’t let its blackness discolor your soul all over. Just remember that there’s no sadness in this short, borrowed life that will stay ubiquitous and can remain tender forever. There’s no such thing as incurable unhappiness where the cure is not something you take orally but can only be wrung from the strength of the soul with what and who surround us. Hugs and crying also help.

I told you, it’s really black. I was born colorblind but I know what black is. It’s in fact my all-time favorite color and I bet Ate Eng knew it. I was born color deficit but I know how black feels now. It’s more than a color or a shade now. Now that I know what grief is, I don’t want to feel it over again. It cuts too deep.

Black will do, but just in case you find a shade darker than black, oh please let me know. Help a colorblind. Help a grieving colorblind. Help someone who’s been feeling black.

“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” ― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

I will miss you every single day of my life, big sister. Every. Single. Day.

-Baby JR

20 October 1981 - 23 May 2017

[stcrlghts]

Covetous (Part One)

Prompt: @ruth-hamilton-delrio requested “You can’t be jealous if we aren’t even dating! man up and ask me out if you’re going to act like that.” I wanna see your take on that, for Lin x reader” and I happily turned it into a slow burn, multiple part series fic. 

Author’s Note: I have not yet written an angst or slow burn fic, so this is quite different from my usual fluffy fics. It’s been fun to write so far and I’m looking forward to writing the rest of it. I know I said yesterday that I wouldn’t be posting for a bit, but this prompt was too good to ignore so... here we are. 

Words: 2,766 

Warnings: Angst, mentions of surgery/hospital 

Also, for this, it’s modern and Lin has Hamilton and Moana done, but he’s obviously not married and doesn’t have his son for sakes of the fic. 

Enjoy!! (don’t hesitate to tell me how you like it through asks, messages, comments, or reblogs!) 

“I’m just saying… why would Rassilon say that Time Lords would stand as monuments such as the Weeping Angels if it wasn’t true? And it’s the perfect bit for the immortality thing – they’re immortal as statues.” You continued your ages old debate with your best friend as you pushed open the door to your favorite spot – the hole-in-the-wall tea shop you had frequented since your freshman year of college. Greeted with the sugar and spice notes of the over one-hundred different kinds of tea brewed here and a “hello” from your favorite worker, you nodded before Lin countered your opinion.

“Dude, why would the Doctors become the one thing everyone in their world fears the most? It doesn’t make sense.” He walked to the counter with you, setting a $10 bill on the counter as your drinks were being made.

“It’s punishment for when they do immoral things, duh! It’s an eternal punishment – becoming the thing they fear and having to live with that their entire existence.” You leaned against the counter while Lin set the money down, leaning a bit close to him, using your hands to animate your words. This was your favorite part of your day – arguing over your secret nerdy obsessions with Lin before you both had to leave for your days of work. No matter how busy both of you were, you always found time for this – whether in person, over the phone, or over texts.

Lin shook his head, smiling to himself, “Alright, whatever. You win this round.” He led you to your favorite table in the corner and lowered himself into a chair. You sat across from him, taking your bag off your shoulder. Setting it on the countertop between you, you started to hunt inside for your phone. As usual, it had been taken into the depths of the bag and you had to root around for it before your hand grasped it and pulled it out. You swung your bag down to sit next to you and pulled up your recent texts.

You looked up for a moment from replying to your mother’s text to find Lin on his phone. You knew it was Twitter when you got the notification from his tweet.

“Seriously, Lin? Did you just put our debate up on Twitter for your fans to determine?” You grinned as you started out your reply to his tweet.

“This is vital. We need a definite answer.”

“So, you tagged the official Doctor Who page? They’re not going to answer fan theories!”

“Yes, but I’m not a fan. I am Lin-Manuel Miranda.”

You tossed your head back, groaning, “Don’t remind me. I can’t even believe I’m friends with you.”

He chuckled, almost ready to hit back with a biting reply when your favorite employee dropped by with your drinks. He set Lin’s hot tea down in front of him and set your ice green tea in front of you. You cocked an eyebrow when you saw the message written on the side and ushered him back to the table to question him about it.

“What are these numbers?” You asked him, raising your eyes to look at him. You could feel Lin watching the both of you in a tense state.

“Uh, looks like my phone number.” He glanced between you and Lin before clearing his throat when his reply was met with quiet. He continued a beat of silence later, “I wanted to see if you wanted to catch a movie this weekend.”

“Oh. Um, that’s really nice. Maybe I’ll text you later. But I think I’m busy this weekend.” You faked a grin towards the guy and he gave a tense smile as he backed away. You sighed, turning back to Lin, who was back on his phone as a way to ignore the morning’s development. You noticed Lin was hiding a laugh as he tried to distract himself.

“What?” You questioned him, causing him to look up.

“Just. It’s unbelievable.” He said, looking uncomfortable for starting this conversation.

“What is?” You took a sip of your tea, keeping your eyes on Lin’s, looking for his hidden truth.

“Well, you got asked out on the train this morning. He just asked you out.” You sighed. Lin didn’t bring this up often, but you knew it bothered him. For some odd reason, he was always with you when you got asked out and, having taken on the role as your best friend, you always told him everything too. Sometimes, you were more tuned in to his feelings and stopped yourself because you could tell how it wounded him, but other times you didn’t. You apologized when it troubled him, but also didn’t see a reason it should have.

“It’s nothing, Lin. You just have to deal that you’re friends with the hottest girl around.” You brushed off the conversation with a joke, covering up your thoughts on the subject. Taking another swallow of your cold drink helped to calm the nerves that were spreading heat across your body.

Lin met your reply with a laugh, “Just promise me you’ll go see Moana if you go out with either of them.”

“I took the last two to see it! I’ve practically memorized it myself.” You were grateful for the change of topic, meaning you didn’t have to fully deal with the one problem that stayed between you and Lin. You coughed, having taken down too much drink at once. Lin, looking up from his phone, stared at you quietly, biting back a grin as you calmed your body down.

A few moments later, you flashed a thumbs-up, assuring him you were safe and alive. He grinned before setting his phone down to take a drink of his now-cooled tea.

“So, (Y/N), what time do you have to go in to work today?”

You set your drink down, checking your silver watch. “Um, the hospital needs me for my first surgery at… noon. But there’s prep, which the residents should take care of, but I still need to be there. So, I have to leave by ten-thirty or eleven-ish.”

Lin nodded, “I’ve gotta leave now. There’s still press and I’ve got a few things to nail down for my next project.”

“I’ll pack up and head down to the hospital now then. Being in this place after you-know-who asked me out just feels odd. I feel like he’s watching me.” You stood, sliding your bag over your shoulder. Your phone in one hand and your drink in the other, you waited for Lin to gather his things. As you walked out together, you decided to strike up the debate one last time to see if you could get your definite win for the day.

“You get any answers on the tweet?” You casually asked Lin, sidling over to his side and trying to glance at his phone’s screen. He looked up at you, putting a hand to your side to push you away.

“Just fans debating it themselves. Also, asking if I’m with you. And sending gifs. The usual.” He replied absentmindedly as you strolled together out of the shop and onto the sidewalks of your busy hometown.

“Mm.” was the response you gave him, focusing instead of why fans would care if he was with you. You had been friends for some twenty years now and, as he’d gotten more famous, more fame and mystery had started to surround your life. Patients came into your office asking about your connections to him, the residents and attendings asked if you could get an autograph for them, and your friends always pushed too hard for details when you ditched them to spend a night with Lin. You’d gained an entirely new perspective on being friends with the rich and famous. Yet, Lin had managed to strike that balance so rarely found in his world – where a person maintained their life and their graciousness and their sincere kindness. He lived his now famed life with a name recognizable across the world and still maintained privacy and secrecy. When he did share, he did it personally and on his own terms. He shared so much, and yet so little. His private moments were still private and he still got to live his charmed life with his parents and his family close by his side. He never won an award or added an accolade to his name without giving thanks to those who inspired him, ran with his ideas with him, and guided him along his path. You admired how well-known he had become, yet how he managed to stay the same man you had met in your childhood.

You and Lin separated for the day at the building in which his office for the day was located.

“Don’t mess anything up today, cool kid.” You told him, smirking as you reached to adjust his shirt’s collar for him. He swatted your hand away, but was laughing.

“Twenty-five years and you still have to take care of me like I’m your little brother.”

“Shut up and have a good day today. I’ll text you later, yeah?” You asked him and he nodded. You gave him a quick hug before you heard your phone beep with a new text. Lin released you from your hug, waving goodbye as he headed up into the building. You smiled as you watched him walk away. Starting the last few blocks to your work, you checked your phone, groaning when you saw your patient’s surgery had been moved around, causing a roadblock in your entire schedule.

 ­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­

“How was your day?” were the words you were met with when you answered your phone later that night. Lin’s voice was laced with his tiredness and you grinned as you put your key into your apartment door. You heard the lock click and let yourself in.

“Pretty good. But I barely had time to stop moving all day and now I can’t even fathom going out on a date.” You told Lin as you dropped your bag in your foyer, checking the stack of mail on the floor from earlier that day. You flipped through bills and then sighed, tossing them on your kitchen table and kicking off your sneakers. You heard background noise behind Lin as if he was sitting in a recording studio.

“How about you?” You asked Lin as you collapsed into your couch, closing your eyes, mere minutes from deep sleep.

You could almost hear his shrug, “Okay. I’ve been inside all day, doing magical things.”

You laughed, “You’re always doing magical things.” Neither of you spoke for a moment and you knew Lin was contemplating his next reply.

“So, did you choose who to go out with tonight?” He said, his voice tense as he brought it up. You wondered if he instantly regretted it or not.

You shrugged, “A guy at the hospital asked me out today too.” You recounted the short story to Lin, who just sighed before responding.

“You’re tired. Why don’t you just not go out with anyone?” He asked you and it was your turn to sigh. There it was, the supposed jealously that neither of you seemed to understand fully.

“Why do you even care?” You tested your annoyance, fed up with not knowing the root of this issue Lin seemed to have.

“Just… because. (Y/N), I care about you. You’re too tired to go out. Get some sleep.” Lin’s voice grew heavier with some emotion you didn’t recognize, due to the fact it wasn’t that common between you two.

“It’s not just tonight, Lin. You do this a lot.” You sat up in your spot on your couch, pinching the bridge of your nose. Getting to a solution for this might take up your entire night, seeing as Lin seemed determined to side-step any questions about it. Twenty-plus years of this tension had been enough.

You could hear Lin lean back in whatever chair he was sitting in. You could make out mumbled voices in the background, someone calling Lin’s name. He must have stalled them because he didn’t try to give up on the conversation.

“(Y/N), just trust me, okay? Stay in sometimes. Your life doesn’t have to be proven to anybody by being constantly busy. You only have to prove to yourself that you’re happy with yourself. And I know going out doesn’t make you happy. Enjoy yourself for once.” He told you and you rolled your eyes, giving an annoyed sigh.

“Don’t go all psychobabble on me, Lin. I’m your best friend.”

“Yes, you are. Which is why you shouldn’t press further with this conversation.”

What you had suspected for years floated back into your mind and you blurted it out before you could force yourself not to.

“Is this jealousy, Miranda?” You called him by his last name as a sign you were teasing… but not really.

“No.” Lin’s reply was a little too insistent and it made you smirk.

“That is what this is, oh my god.” You jumped up from the couch, suddenly filled with energy enough to finish this conversation once and for all.

“That is so not what this is. This is…a friend being friendly.” Lin tried in vain to cover his actions, but you already knew.

“You said ‘so not’, Lin. I’ve known you since middle school – that just basically means it is true.”

Lin sighed, “Look, I’ve got to go. I’ll call you later or something.”

You rolled your eyes, “Whatever. We’ve gotta finish this later.”

You both hung up at the same time and you sighed, laying down on your bed. It wasn’t that you wanted to out Lin and his secret, but it was that you just needed his honesty. You were coming to an important point in your life – a lot of your friends were settling down and having weddings and families. You got invited to more kids’ birthday parties than girl’s nights out nowadays. Your parents talked incessantly about when you were going to find “the one” and give up your bachelorette game. You had tried – truly. You went out with the sensible guys. You secretly joined a dating service or two. You went on blind dates. None of it came to any fruition. Now, you were starting to wonder if your one had been in front of you for most of your life. You wondered if it was the kid you had gotten used to already sharing your life with. You wondered if it was the kid who had survived the bullies and the ridicule with you. The one who had told you your dreams were possibilities, who was responsible for how you’d landed your dream job now. You wondered if you’d just been blind, if Lin had realized all of this before you. The thought of having missed out on years of your true happiness made you feel bizarre. You didn’t recognize how you felt right now. You had been right to assume Lin was jealous, but this didn’t feel right. This felt… incorrect. This wasn’t how a love profession happened in your favorite movies or your childhood daydreams. You didn’t want to force Lin into his actions. You didn’t want to force him into a relationship with you, if that’s where this was even headed. You didn’t want him to choose you just because you had made him. You wanted him to have a choice and to choose you because he wanted to, because it was you he needed and loved.

Sighing, you rolled over on your stomach, reaching for the phone you’d left on your night-stand. You sent Lin a text, pausing to consider your words before hitting the button that would instantly deliver your words to his phone.

To: Lin

hey, cool kid. I’m really sorry about earlier. You’re okay, I was in the wrong. Don’t worry about it. Talk to you later? Our normal 1 am rendezvous? xx, (Y/N)

You took a depp breath after hitting “send,” unsure if your words would be enough.

You readied another text to the number you’d received earlier at the tea shop.

Hey, I’ve got to cancel tonight. Something came up.

After both had been sent and the cancelled date responded asking to reschedule (which you ignored), you decided on a nap instead of agonizing over your possible future or what tomorrow would hold. You wondered if you and Lin would be the same again and wondered if you would be able to handle it if you weren’t. The thought haunted you as you fell into the dark clutches of sleep. 

[pronetopronoia]

Live From Iowa, It’s Saturday Evening

Saturday Night Live is on Summer Break. I hope everyone budgeted their money correctly! Wait, what?

Anyway. Now’s my chance! And by chance, I mean what’s the fucking “laziest” way I could possibly make fun of Saturday Night Live “for no reason” as a personal market study that will warrant no measurable results to use for any kind of advertising income generation at some point at least in this particular format but has the extremely minute possibility of maybe actually entertaining the audience of Saturday Night Live, if they happened to see this, even though it’s Memorial Day Weekend and everyone should be outside enjoying themselves... and also, who reads anymore, right? Like, is there a summer market for this kind of content in written form? People read poolside, right? Or is the glare on their phones with the sun fucking it up? I’m sure I can send you an Instagram account with RayBans on the supa-cheap that has recently followed me with polarized lenses. 

Ugh. Fuck it, I’ll throw in music and video clips too. See below.  

Commencing. Market. Study.

Celebrity Host Monologue from a Traditional Aging Farmer: Have you all (addressing just so many children it’s unbelievable) had your suppers yet? It’s 7:30pm so you most definitely have. Do you all wanna have a walk around the property? Then we can settle in and watch Saturday Night Live together all in a row sitting very closely on this couch. I want you all to see what the world is like outside of these beautiful rolling hills and valleys. Oh god. Wait. Ezekiel, what is that rustling out in the field??? Oh God. (picks up rotary receiver phone) Hello?! Is there a dial tone to this farm phone? I can’t hear it. HOW DID I END UP HERE?!?!

Other Celebrity Guest Host Interrupting: MeeMaw you should calm down, it’s gone be OK. 

Yet Another Celebrity Guest Host Interrupting: No, it’s my turn to hold the remote!

And a Fourth (deadpan): You always get to choose it’s my turn.

And a Fifth: But I have been waiting the longest!!

Everyone Collectively: WE KNOW

And a Sixth: May I be Excused?

MeeMaw: No! You all need to sit down and wait until I determine the source of the noise in the field. God help us, your father always leaves us here to deal with this alone. And on a Saturday night to boot!

And a Seventh: Maw it’s just a lynx or somethin’

And an Eighth (adopted): Man, fuck all ya’ll! White people be crazy! 

DEAD SILENCE

The Fourth one Again, Breaking the Fourth Wall (deadpan): Live from Iowa, it’s Saturday Evening. 

*Note (written as dialogue): 

“These particular sketches would be a bit costly. Also “show don’t tell”.” 

“Man, fuck you! I like a narrative.” 

*Queue the beauty and simplistic pleasure of just “lazily” writing them out. Should someone be compelled to read versus stare transfixed at the flashing lights of a picture box. Sit on your goddamn porch and read something god dammit! It doesn’t have to be this. Actually, I am reading THIS right now and it is FUCKING HILARIOUS* 

Also, remember kiddos, THIS IS NOW IN ITS ASSET/DEBT/WORKING CAPITOL ACQUIRING PHASE so if you are actually reading this and you need some inspiration to come up with a project feel free to rip on any of this, actually write it, and submit it somewhere, preferably to THIS NEW ENTERTAINMENT CORPORATION HEADQUARTERED IN IOWA I’VE LITERALLY JUST MENTIONED - HOWEVER, please wait until it has enough working capitol to produce your project. When will that be? It will let you know. It absolutely wants to facilitate the production of your project unless you do it first, your call. 

Sketch One:

A young, single, mid-30′s woman relocates to Iowa to “settle down” after years of battling it out in corporate America and a baker’s dozen of mental breakdowns. By “settle down” she means “chill the fuck out” but the term “settle down” in Iowa means something far more sinister. For you see, in the Midwest, you come home to die. And by die we mean get married, get fat, and reproduce. Not necessarily in that order, depends on the dude I guess? Also, same-sex coupling is a completely normal and celebrated thing here too and those same exact rules apply, which is seriously awesome. 

Respect people that personally aren’t into that for themselves. 

Anyway, things are very safe here but still, don’t you fucking dare think about going to the gas station in the middle of the night for Funyuns because: 

A. Oh sweet fucking christ the chemicals! 

and 

B. The perfect mash-up of Shaggy’s It Wasn’t Me/John Legend’s All of Me/Green Day’s Time of Your Life will be playing over the intercom just a little too loudly and you’ll make eye contact with the cashier and sweet god so help you, you better answer “YES” like a robot to their completely unnecessary yes or no question or get ready to run for your fucking life! Actually make sure to set very clear boundaries and be ready to run reguardless. When’s the last time you worked out by the way? In either situation you’ll need to be at the top of your game. 

Sketch Two:

A Midwestern comedian is given an extreme discount on a coveted, famous, Midwestern race from one decrepit silo in one county to a newly-erected wind turbine in the next as a joke because she did not properly train as she said she would. #subtledarkhumor #thisisiowa

Sketch Three:

Sue gets a job at a local paper run by a husband and wife duo. But get this, the wife is a hologram and the husband is Mr. Pickford! Shenanigans are afoot! Luckily she is permitted to listen to music at a reasonable level through her government-issued, personal, deep-ear speaker system. The actual insane twist ending? Sue is actually Bob from Office Space (which one? The nicer, clueless one) and she’s here to save her job, those of those around her, and create some more because she enjoys what most others can’t seem to deal with as far as work goes. Actual work. She also enjoys sales. It’s hilarious. 

This Week’s Musical Guest: Beat Connection (click to watch a performance of So Good shot live on KEXP Seattle)

HERE IS THE MUSIC VIDEO AS A SHORT FILM

*CUT TO COMMERCIAL*

Suddenly during commercial break the producer is accidentally heard in conversation via everyone’s headsets. EGADS!

Producer: “Post the video clip too. People will just watch it for what it is. They will either understand it fully. Or do a write up in the fuckin’ paper tomorrow we can laugh at.”

Key Grip (sarcastically): “OR FUCKING DIEEEEEEE” 

HEAD WRITER’s SOLILOQUY: 

“Yeah, sarcasm on the DIEEEEE part Brant. Seriously. If this video is leaning anyone towards feeling like that it’s time to seek a little assistance in the form of mental health help, there is nothing wrong with that, there is help available - the help is not death - death happens if they don’t get help which may sound appealing but those folks are actually really, really needed here with us if you understand the video to the point of it leading you towards actual death thoughts  Also don’t let anyone you don’t feel comfortable with help you because if someone is making you feel uncomfortable there is a reason for that, go to the ER yourself or call an ambulance

Unless you are an actor. If you don’t fully understand all of the above fucking go through with it or fucking stop wasting everyone’s time. No, I won’t explain it to you. Also, pick one thing and stick to it. Follow. Through. That’s why no one wants to be around you.  If you’re that bored/lonely/desperate, take up writing or fucking find a hobby with some like-minded friends. 

Real Writers, Comedians who are not actors, Dancers, Actual Musicians, and Visual Artists, you’re good. I mean that.” 

Director: I have a question? Which type of artist is the most annoying? 

Producer: Depends on the day  Head Writer: Me, I own it though... so definitely actor 

Key Grip (looking down sheepishly): Agreed

*OK QUIET ON THE SET, WE’RE LIVE IN 3...2...

Sketch Four:

An exact re-creation of the scene in Billy Madison where the kid pees his pants but it’s all grown adults and replace peeing your pants with thumb-sucking. Asulting is hard! 

Sketch Five (TV Funhouse Short Film): ‘Rape Culture’

Kae, A mid-thirties woman is so annoying she’s turned every man she’s ever been with gay and can’t find a real friend in the same area code who can put up with her for any extended period of time. Also, she hasn’t been laid in like, FOREVER. She decides to just settle for women, that’s great because she loves her best friend, I mean, she CREATED HER. #musichumor 

Suddenly, by the literal grace of god, she meets a female to male transgender man that gives her the attention she craves. She falls madly in love because he looks like her favorite Marvel Supervillian. He only did the gender change sarcastically though but either way it works out. #somethingbigiscoming #doyouunderstandboundaries

Sketch Six: Shot in the Style of RENT the Musical

Brad and Susie work together but Susie is a little older and more laid back due to prior experience but Brad is kind of fascinated and likes to try to guess what she’s thinking and/or read her mind because that is a thing (he’s not the best at the mind-reading thing though because she is also aware of how computers operate). Also Susie isn’t super fat or blowing her nose all over the place anymore so he’s gotta come up with something quick because he’s got a show on Friday.

Suddenly Brad is thrown into a three-ring circus involving his and other peoples’ living situations and the social dynamics of his friend group that only an outsider like Susie can truly appreciate the humor in. Oh, but Susie mentioned her best friend from high school in LA one time and now that person and Brad are besties. Susie is again off the hook because then Brad can hang out with Susie’s best friend and she doesn’t have to. Brad is actually like the best coworker ever for real.

Show ending musical number: 

BEAT CONNECTION’S ILLUSION

G’night! 

[jimblanceusa]

Adam Cayton-Holland, Denver’s biggest comedian, gets personal amid national media blitz

Adam Cayton-Holland cringes at certain jokes he used to tell, like the one about a homeless guy holding a sign that read “anything helps” (“So I spit on him,” he used to say) or the one with a word that’s off-limits even for most stand-ups — who tend to value shocked reactions over none at all.

“It relied on (this) hacky premise where I said, ‘Why is it that every actor reaches a point in their career when they feel they have to play a retarded person?’ ” Cayton-Holland said. “We’re talking first year into comedy here.”

The 37-year-old Denver native, best known for his truTV sitcom “Those Who Can’t,” disavows those now, not because the jokes are offensive (he knows they are) but because they’re cheap.

He’s moved past some other things, too, since he was laid off from the Westword alt-newsweekly in 2009 and decided to embrace comedy full-time.

His snappy, occasionally harsh material and self-consciously arrogant persona have trended more personal and thoughtful, betraying a sensitive, liberal-arts school graduate at heart. The pace of his showbiz ascent has quickened, particularly as he’s grappled with a personal tragedy that has, in turn, inspired him to reach for loftier rungs.

“I feel really lucky I got my opportunity when I did,” said Cayton-Holland, who this month released his first album on Comedy Central Records (“Adam Cayton-Holland Performs His Signature Bits,” his third overall) and celebrated with a March 22 appearance on “The Late Late Show with James Corden” — the day before his album reached No. 1 on iTunes’ comedy chart.

“I’ve worked hard, but I don’t know if a lot of people are coming around looking for three straight white dudes in 2018.”

Cayton-Holland is referring to his comedy troupe, The Grawlix, which features Denver-bred — and now Los Angeles-based — stand-ups Andrew Orvedahl and Ben Roy. In the #MeToo age, they look less like groundbreakers and more like remnants of a showbiz past where all faces and voices were measured against similarly white, male entertainers.

“The #MeToo movement is so important and so exciting to watch,” Cayton-Holland said. “It’s a bull in a china shop and everything needs to break. And material-wise, any comic should always be evolving. If you have an overtly misogynistic joke or ones that include rape (as a subject) you have to ask yourself, ‘Who’s the punchline? Am I subverting anything?’ You have to think about why it is you’re saying what you’re saying.”

Cayton-Holland comes from a family with staunch progressive values: his father, John Holland, is a well-known civil rights lawyer in Denver; his mother, Linda Cayton, is a former investigative journalist. (His older sister, Anna, joined the family law practice in 2004.)

The Grawlix troupe is no slouch, either, having essentially created Denver’s DIY comedy scene as it exists today. Starting in 2011 — and for several years before that, under different names and incarnations at bars and warehouse spaces — their monthly shows offered the hippest, most reliably adventurous stand-up in the city.

With regular sell-outs at the Avenue and Bug theaters, “The Grawlix” secured its creators an aggressive, punk-rock reputation that resulted in a Funny or Die web series, a short-lived deal with Amazon Studios and, eventually, their truTV sitcom, “Those Who Can’t,” which is set in Denver but filmed in Los Angeles. (The already-completed third season is expected to air this fall, although a date has not been set.)

As a result, no other comic in Colorado has what Cayton-Holland has. Several Denver-based stand-ups, such as Josh Blue, enjoy careers as national headliners, but Cayton-Holland’s level of success — a network sitcom, enviable late-night TV laurels and a Comedy Central deal — is nearly unheard-of for people based outside the showbiz hubs of L.A. and New York.

Fiercely loyal to his home state, Cayton-Holland also co-created the annual High Plains Comedy Festival, which last summer celebrated five years of showcasing local and national comics while advertising the laid-back joys of Colorado culture.

“I’m an unabashed fan,” said Gov. John Hickenlooper, who attended — and, according to the groom, gave a rousing toast at — Cayton-Holland’s wedding in 2016, which took place at Saint Ignatius Loyola Catholic Church near City Park. “I met Adam when he was a full-time writer for Westword, and it turned out we both went to the same little college (Wesleyan University). We’ve gotten to be genuine friends. He is, and not just when he’s in front of the camera, an outrageously funny person.”

But even as Cayton-Holland embraces his unusually quiet spring and early summer — where a murky future for “Those Who Can’t” means he’s not sprinting to write and produce Season 4 with Orvedahl and Roy — he’s still gearing up for the most prestigious project of his career.

“I never thought I would be a comic,” Cayton-Holland said. “I always thought I would be a writer. And I was, even before I was a comic.”

Few titles could be more apt for Cayton-Holland’s first book than “Tragedy Plus Time: A Tragi-comic Memoir,” which will be published Aug. 21 on Simon & Schuster’s Touchstone imprint.

Besides referencing a comedic trope (“Tragedy plus time equals comedy”) it encapsulates the achingly personal subject matter of the nonfiction tome: Cayton-Holland’s younger sister Lydia, who committed suicide in 2012 just as his career was starting to take off.

The book has already nabbed a proper review from Publishers Weekly (“Self-mockery and true pathos make for a powerful mixture in this nuanced memoir”) and coveted jacket quotes from Cayton-Holland’s idols, peers and “Those Who Can’t” collaborators, including Patton Oswalt, Kumail Nanjiani and Bobcat Goldthwait.

More than any of that, he’s surprised that it exists at all.

“Publishing a book has been my dream forever,” he said. “I wish it was under difference circumstances. That said, I needed to write it. It’s been a part of me every day since, and it’s a good tribute to her. And now I’m all into, ‘What are authors’ careers like?’ I’m curious.”

Curiosity drove Cayton-Holland, an East High School graduate, to try stand-up for the first time 14 years ago in the Mile High City’s then-squalid, famously competitive open-mic scene. It helped give him the confidence to successfully pitch scripts to networks and producers, including “Comedy Bang! Bang!” creator Scott Aukerman, whom Cayton-Holland continues to work with. And it feeds into the new projects he has cooking with longtime buddies and writing partners Orvedahl and Roy, who share his unapologetic obsession with baseball.

“I’m proud of how our relationship has changed,” he said of the friendship/business mix among his Grawlix cohorts. “In some ways it’s made us a lot closer, and in some ways it’s made us less close because when we’re in-season it’s a race from Day 1 to the finish, and it’s very exhausting. But those two guys will take a bullet for you when nobody else will.”

Cayton-Holland has reached a comfortable spot with his stand-up: big enough to headline clubs around the country, but not big enough to worry about high-pressure theater tours and constant image-tending. He often gets to take over Denver’s nationally acclaimed Comedy Works, his favorite club and the one where he got his mainstream start (he returns to headline the Larimer Square location April 4).

From June 18-23, he’s also planning to mount an in-state stand-up tour of craft breweries in Durango, Telluride, Ouray, Paonia, Aspen and Carbondale — an opportunity he hasn’t had the last few years, given his hectic truTV production schedule.

“That’s another dream come true,” he said. “I’m at the point in my career — call it stalled or thriving — where I can do that. Some people recognize me from ‘Those Who Can’t,’ but you never know what you’re known for. I’d be happy to be known as a bird-watcher.”

Which, unsurprisingly, he is.

from Latest Information https://www.denverpost.com/2018/03/29/adam-cayton-holland-denver-comedian-book-interview-comedy-central-special-2018/

[sentrava]

Fa La La: The Ultimate Christmas Gift Guide

It’s my favorite time of the year, you guys: It’s officially socially acceptable to listen to Christmas tunes around the clock, plus I have a valid excuse to spend hours scouring the Internet in search of great gift ideas for you to give your loved ones! (I may also have shopped a little lot in the process. Oops.)

Note: Some of these featured products are from our sponsors, while others are affiliate links that will earn me a small commission. 

So without further ado, here’s what I’m digging this year:

FOR THE NOMADIC SOUL

Have a friend or family member in your life who is only satisfied when doing something new, exciting and/or unique? (I know a little something about that!) Well, Tinggly has the cure that ails them. I’ve always been a fan of giving experiences instead of mere stuff, and this is the perfect solution: You can gift your loved one a personalized box that contains a voucher to a bucket list kind of item that most people only dream of. Dinner with a NASA astronaut? James Bond sightseeing tour in Thailand? VIP helicopter over the Vegas Strip? Yoga retreat in India? Tango lesson in Buenos Aires? Tinggly has something for every taste. I also love that you can choose your box by theme: birthday, Christmas, wedding, couples and more.

FOR THE SUN BUM

True story: I allot more space in my luggage to sunglasses than I do to anything else, as heaven forbid I be photographed in the same shades over and over again! But I can’t help it: I’m always outside doing something fun, and if there’s one thing fashion-wise that I care about the most it’s what’s on my face. And I love the selection of women’s sunglasses available at Sunglass Warehouse. I’m a huge fan of Aviators—bonus points if they’re mirrored—and Sunglass Warehouse has so many different kinds of Aviators in stock, many available for under $20. (With as much as I change out my shades, I like keeping my cost per item as low as possible.) For those shopping for the holidays, Sunglass Warehouse is offering 40% off one pair of shades from now through Nov. 30 with the code SPENDLESS40.

FOR THE TECH-HEAVY TRAVELER

We’ve all been there before: You’re traveling all day and your iPhone quickly depletes of all power. It’s near impossible to locate an outlet at an airport, and even my backup battery usually dies well before my travel day has ended (a nightmare scenario as I rely on it for ride-sharing when I finally reach my destination). Which is why Lynktec’s Reeljuice 5X Power Bank + 10 Watt Rapid Wall Charger is my new favorite thing; it’s got four feet of retractable charging cord, and it gives me FIVE full charges before it needs to be re-powered. No more fighting my fellow fliers for coveted outlet space at the airport; in fact, I can even charge my phone while I fly. I’m giving one of these bad boys away down at the bottom of the post, but you can also get 25 percent off (site-wide!) with the code LUNATICATLARGE25.

FOR THE SCIENCE GEEK (OR THE TWEEN)

This Lock Pick Beginners Box is at the very top of my DIY-loving husband’s own list, and for good reason: It gives you the tools (literally and figuratively) that you need to learn how to pick locks, with two different sets of practice locks that have clear sides so that the trainee can see what’s going on behind the scenes with the mechanisms. This is the perfect present for a dude—what husband/boyfriend doesn’t love tinkering?—but also would be a fantastic and affordable option for your fidgety, problem-solving tween.

FOR THE PHILANTHROPIST

You guys know my love for St. Jude runs deep. It’s just so cool what they do there: On top of being one of the top research facilities in the world, St. Jude also ensure that its patients don’t have to worry about a thing (like, for example, cost or lodging for the family) other than getting better. I donate to St. Jude periodically throughout the year, but I’m loving their new initiative, This Shirt. All you have to do is sign up to donate $20 to St. Jude monthly, and you get this exclusive Tee that all your favorite country artists (and your favorite blogger!) are wearing. Because helping others is really the reason for the season.

FOR THE ETERNAL STUDENT

Alert, alert, self plug coming! Kristin Sweeting and I are headed to Portugal next July to teach the ultimate writing, photography, marketing and business workshop—and we’d love for you to join us! We’ve extended registrations through Dec. 31 and have a handful of spots left (and a really amazing group attending so far!). Come learn the ropes of the biz with us while surfing, roaming, doing yoga and exploring Lisbon’s charming surrounds with us in your downtime. Bring your significant other or business partner or come solo. Just think of it as continuing education, a tax write-off and a vacation all rolled into one! As a Christmas special, I’m including two one-hour coaching sessions for anyone who signs up by Dec. 15, one by Skype prior to the trip and one in Portugal.

FOR THE AT-HOME COOK

We’re always experimenting in the kitchen, and try to eat as clean (i.e. no processed food) as possible, meaning that adding herbs and spices is clutch for our style of dining. I’ve had a subscription to Raw Spice Bar for the past year, and I love that every three months, a collection of six individually packaged, freshly-ground, seasonal spices arrives in my mailbox and that I don’t have to commit to buying the entire spice jar before I know I like it. You can even customize your diet to Paleo, vegan, vegetarian, healthy or “eat anything” and, of course, buy more from the Raw Spice Bar shop if you like what you tried.

FOR THE HEALTHY DINER

I’m all about collecting cookbooks, even if SVV is technically the chef in our household. My current favorite is A Beautiful Mess Weekday Weekend, which just came out this month and compiles even more healthy, vegetarian recipes than Elsie and Emma post on their blog. If you already own ABM, may I suggest the following: Laura Lea Balanced, Body Love and Cravings (maybe technically not healthy, but who doesn’t want to look like Chrissy Teigen?!).

FOR THE NEW HOMEOWNER

Earlier this year, my interior designer friend Kendall Simmons and her husband Kane launched Salut Home, a thoughtfully curated collection of home goods and accents, and I drool over all their colorful offerings every time the email hits my inbox. My current obsession? Their new collection of Leah Singh pillows (all things Leah Singh, really)—they have 96 styles in stock! And bonus, they’re on sale for Black Friday (use the code LEAH20), or you can sign up for their newsletter and receive a promo code for 10 percent off.

FOR THE SHUTTERBUG

While I’ll never fully replace my DSLR, ever since my mom gave me the Canon G7X Mark II for Christmas last year, it’s replaced my Canon 6D in my purse as my daily camera. It’s still got the manual settings so I can play around with the exposure, but is small and compact and great for videos. (Check out the travel videos I’ve been making for evidence.)

FOR THE BIG KID IN YOUR LIFE

For SVV’s last birthday, I got him a Phantom 4 Pro+ drone, and he loves it. He was a former aviation tech in the Navy and daydreams about flying all the time. Coupled with his penchant for photography, it was the perfect gift (and has come in handy on many a work project for us, too!). I think the P4 Pro is great for someone who does photography professionally; however, if your loved one isn’t that well-versed in drones yet, I recommend a cheaper, lighter model like the DJI Spark as a starter drone.

FOR THE ADVENTURER

I’ve had five different GoPros since I got my first one seven years ago, and the quality has improved significantly. After watching some of my YouTubers film exclusively with the GoPro Hero 6, I’m adding the newest model to my wishlist for our upcoming ski adventures (and it finally comes equipped with an LCD screen, too—you used to have to buy those a la carte).

FOR THE DOG OWNER

I bought a pair of travel pillows from the entrepreneurs behind Doggie Duffel, and I’m intrigued by their latest (fully-funded) project that’s essentially an all-in-one travel kit for your pup. Ella doesn’t have one of these yet, but I think I know what she’ll be finding under the Christmas tree…

FOR THE ART LOVER

I’ve been a long-time fan (turned friend) of Leslee Mitchell’s, and every time her gorgeous photography pops into my feed, I mentally bookmark it for the next time I’m doing a room makeover. I recently snagged several of her toy car prints, and I’m absolutely in love! Any giftee would be lucky to own a series of prints from this talented artist.

FOR THE SPORTY GIRL

Pretty much all my travel apparel comes from Gap Fit or Athleta—after all, I’m a girl who places comfort above style, but with most athleisure, luckily you can have both!—and a few pieces I’m loving this winter are: this metallic sweatshirt, this jersey keyhole top, this pullover hoodie and these black, leopard-print leggings.

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  FOR THE VINTAGE LOVER

Wish you’d grown up in the 70s? (Me, too.) You can embrace a bygone era with this sleek record player in a portable brief case that doubles as a CD player and has USB ports. Bonus: It comes in five different colors!

FOR YOUR FRIEND WHO WORKS FROM HOME

You know that girl who works in her coziest pajamas and barely leaves her computer desk all day long, except to refill her coffee/water/bourbon glass? (AHEM.) Welllll, how much would she love to upgrade from her ratty old PJs to this amazing unicorn onesie? (Really bad, I’ll tell ya!) For one that’s a bit more subtle, Nordstrom currently has this beauty on sale.

Stocking Stuffers Under $50

Savannah Bee Co. body products. I was stoked when I recently spotted Savannah Bee’s entire line, like this body butter, for sale at Target!

Geometric rings. Psst, SVV, looking for something small to get me? Start here.

Paddywax candle. My favorite candles are those that you can reuse the container as tabletop decor after it’s burned out.

Herb mill and grinder. As someone who’s very lazy in the kitchen, I love any tool that does the hard work for me.

S’well bottle. My cousins gave me one of these nifty canteens two years ago, and it’s been a game changer in my travels as I no longer have to abuse the planet by buying bottled water.

Stocking Stuffers Under $20

Taylor Swift’s reputation album. The Old Taylor can’t come to the phone because she’s out there SLAYING it with her new album. Man, this one is going to rack up the awards, and it should be in any music lover’s repertoire of tunes.

Flamingo ornament. I’m a sucker for all things flamingos and also ornaments, and Nordstrom at Home has a whole lot of cute, travel-themed ones, many of which are on sale.

Vintage maps. SVV and I are map lovers to the core. We own more than 30 globes and a number of vintage maps, but those are tough to find, which is why I like this Etsy store, which has both domestic and international city prints.

Monogrammed copper wine stopper. Because who doesn’t want their initial atop their vino?!

Twist Magazine’s winter issue. Launched by my good friend Keryn, this new travel publication is a gorgeous glossy that’s the perfect stuffer for the family traveler.

A taco holder. What taco lover doesn’t need this in their life?!

Stocking Stuffers Under $10

Sheet masks. I’ve been addicted to sheet masking for a year now, and while the TonyMoly variety pack is my go-to order, I’m equally as obsessed with these reindeer and penguin masks from Target.

eos holiday lip balm. I keep an eos in every bag I own, and I just popped this trio of holiday flavors (peppermint mocha, vanilla bean, ginger) into my shopping cart!

A manatee tea infuser. Or if manatees aren’t your thing (you crazy), there’s also a sloth, shark or loch ness monster.

iPhone charging cords in myriad colors. Show of hands if you, like me, are always on the hunt for that missing iPhone/USB/mini-USB cord?

The Oregon Trail Card Came. Because kids these days don’t even know what it’s like to ford a river and then die of dysentery when you’re almost there.

Pop socket. This little doodad changed my life—and made me stop dropping my iPhone altogether. I didn’t know how I’d feel about it, but I love it.

Rare earth magnets. We bought these to tack things to our wall on our four-month RTW cruise, and they’ve been a game-changer on actually keeping all of our cards and photos up on the fridge. They never fall, like, ever.

Since it doesn’t feel like the holidays until I start giving away gifts, I’m giving away one big C&C stocking stuffer grab bag, full of some of my favorite things, including the Lynktec charging station, a selection of Raw Spice Bar spices, and plenty of other stocking stuffers for you to give your family and friends (or keep for yourself—I won’t judge!). The value of this box o’ fun is currently over $300—also brimming with music, beauty items, and other odds and ends I’ve purchased and wanted to share with you—though I’ll likely continue to add to that as I finish my Black Friday shopping.

All you have to do to enter is tell me your favorite holiday tradition. Don’t have one? Tell me what’s the top of your Christmas wishlist! It’s that simple. Leave a comment below, and I’ll randomly choose a winner of this bag o’ fun on Dec. 1.

PIN IT HERE

Fa La La: The Ultimate Christmas Gift Guide published first on http://ift.tt/2gOZF1v

[drtanstravels]

I’ve been living in Singapore for almost 10 years now and I’ve probably mentioned this before, but not a whole lot happens here. Sure, it’s a great place to live and extremely safe, however, most things that are fun are either exceptionally expensive or just straight out illegal. Hardly any bands tour here, movies and TV shows are censored, you are even blocked from buying records from ebay.com that are deemed offensive! I once tried to buy an old, beaten up, albeit cheap copy of Blag Flag’s Nervous Breakdown e.p., but the sale was blocked because some punk dude back in the day had scribbled a swastika on it.

But there are also a ton of things to love about living here and one of the main ones is how convenient it is to travel around the area, something we do a lot. If I were still living in Melbourne, you could tack an extra seven or eight hours on to the flight-time for any trip that we make, so for most people back in Australia, a trip to stay at a resort in Phuket, Thailand is something you could do maybe once a year at most, whereas it is only a 90-minute flight from here. This might make me seem like a spoilt bastard, and I guess in many ways I am now, but when Anna initially asked me a few weeks ago if I wanted to come on a trip that she had planned with a few friends just to hang out in a villa in Thailand, I had to think about it at first. It’s not that I didn’t want be able to sit in a private 5-star resort with personal chef’s and masseuses, complimented by unlimited day-drinking and our own pool, it was more the process of getting there that made me apprehensive. In 1994, an Australian band called Dave Graney ‘n’ the Coral Snakes released an album titled You Wanna Be There But You Don’t Wanna Travel and until several years ago, the title never made any sense to me. Now I totally get it. We have been doing a lot of traveling over the past decade, but especially in the last three years as Anna has become more respected in the field of ophthalmology, and the idea of going to the airport, dealing with all of the hassles of flying and airport staff on power-trips, coupled with the physical pain I go through when sitting on a plane just made me shudder, especially when we have some very long trips coming up over the next few months. Also, there were four other people going on the trip besides Anna and myself, three of whom are doctors and when the medical-talk starts, it can sometimes take a long time to end and I just can’t contribute to the conversation. That, and hearing medical horror stories just scares the crap out of me. On the other hand, there was day-drinking and Thai food, plus it was only a short flight. Screw it, let’s do it.

Cleaners betting on which flights will be delayed

Friday, October 13 I understand that Friday 13 is supposed to be an ominous day to do anything, but I’m not a superstitious person, everyone loves Fridays and hates Mondays so I have no problem with doing anything on Friday 13, although I’ve already shown in the past that a Monday 13 can suck! Anna had Thursday and Friday afternoon off so we were flying out at 3.00pm and, factoring in the one-hour time difference, we’d land in Phuket at around four. I took Kermit down to the dog hotel, Anna arrived home and we made our way to Changi Airport. We checked in, laughed as some cleaners were kicking back and watching the flight info like it was the World Cup (right), had some lunch and boarded our flight. We arrived in Phuket hassle-free, no problems with immigration, Anna bought a couple of bottles of duty-free wine and when we went outside there was a chauffeur waiting to take us to the resort. Screw Friday 13, I had been checking the weather and, yes, it was supposed to be absolutely pissing down with rain and just constant thunderstorms the entire weekend, but if that is the arbitrary peanut in the turd, I think I can handle it.

The traffic was terrible and on our way to to the resort we asked the driver if he could stop off so we could buy some beer along the way, but he told us that might be difficult for reasons that we completely forgot to even consider — It was exactly one year to the day since the death of Thailand’s King Bhumibol the Great and alcohol was not technically allowed to be sold. We were last in Thailand in December of last year, less than two months after the King’s passing, and a lot of places still weren’t selling alcohol because, although citizens were asked to refrain from taking part in “joyful events” for 30 days immediately following his death, there was still an official mourning period of 12 months. I guess the one-year anniversary was going to be the same as that first 30 days and we didn’t want to be disrespectful. As for the traffic, that was people making their way to temples to pay their respects to the King. Our driver kept apologising profusely and explained that the major stores won’t sell any and, despite us reassuring him that it was okay and not his fault, he then began making phone calls to the resort and we soon pulled over to get petrol. Anna and myself looked around all the convenience stores there to see if any were selling, but to no avail. Looks like another entry in the ‘T-Factor‘ series. We got back in the car and before long our driver received a call, he answered and then turned around and asked how many cases we would like. It turned out that the resort had manage to find a small store nearby that would sell beer to them and they wanted to know how much we wanted and if we would prefer Singha or Chang. “Two cases of Singha, please” was my reply. Take that, Friday 13!

It took about an hour due to the traffic, but we eventually arrived at our resort, Villa Yin:

Privately situated on an exclusive hillside estate near Kamala Beach, Yin is a five-bedroomed haven that blends modern Thai architecture into the lush forested hillside.  As far as possible, the original tropical landscape has been left undisturbed, as can be witnessed by the three-metre boulder that juts up through one of the villa’s terraces.  Captivating interiors are adorned with antiques from across Asia and a daring, carefully curated art collection featuring pieces as diverse as the instantly recognisable pop art of Andy Warhol to the compelling human struggles depicted by contemporary Chinese artist Shi Lifeng.

The villa comprises a series of pavilions that cascade down the hillside to offer fantastic sea views from every room, with stylish and comfortable furnishings providing inviting places to relax and entertain.  The large, open-plan living and dining pavilion features a dark-wood peaked ceiling and black flooring but the tone is far from sombre with three walls of glass, fascinating art accents and plush leather sofas.

Villa Yin’s expansive terraces, including a sun-lounger-topped deck alongside the 18-metre pool, are picture-perfect spots to relax and unwind, or to stage an intimate wedding or special event.  Other top-notch facilities include an outdoor dining area with built-in barbecue, a large sauna, a media room with projector screen, and a wine cellar.

The awe-inspiring king-bedded master suite, with its stunning artwork, enormous dressing room and exotic bathroom, will be coveted by couples, while two bright guest bedrooms offer private retreats with king-sized beds, ensuite bathrooms and ocean-view balconies.  A guest pavilion with a king-bedded room and a living area that converts to a fifth bedroom, sits on the villa’s top level with superb views from its wide furnished deck area.

Guests at Villa Yin are treated to the service of a talented team of full-time staff including a friendly and efficient manager and Thai chef.  Dining is an absolute delight here; mouth-watering meals are served with flair by the skilled chef.  If you wish to explore the island, your villa manager will be happy to help you book golf tee-off times, yacht trips or dinner reservations, or to hire a taxi to take you to the nearby beaches of Kamala or Patong.

About to eat dinner

I think we can handle that for a weekend and Anna and myself had the master-suite! This place was enormous, too, the main lounge area was larger than our entire apartment in Singapore and our place is considered quite big. We had a little bit of time to explore, but it was dark and raining outside. The villa itself is 750 m² (8,073 ft²) and to get to our room we had to walk through the main living area and kitchen, past the pool, go downstairs through the cinema, walk past the other bedrooms and the sauna and finally we were at our suite. The suite consisted of an office, a bathroom with two rainforest showers and huge bath, and two toilets facing each other. Yes, they were in their own rooms, but if we were so inclined, we could both sit there face-to-face with the doors open and have a chat during our most private moments. After the bathroom there was a massive walk-in wardrobe with motorised cabinets and shoe-closets, however, I only brought a few t-shirts, some shorts and a bunch of underwear with me so it was kind of redundant. Once in the bedroom we were in luxury, however, the only thing that bothered me was that there was a huge window up near the ceiling that had no curtains or blinds, meaning that it would be really bright early in the morning and I’m not much of a morning person. Fortunately, I had my eye-mask from the plane so it shouldn’t be too much of a problem. Take a look around (most of these were taken the following day because it was already dark when we got there):

Anna on a seat in the cinema room

The view while we had dinner

Looking at the rest of the villa from the master suite

The weird office bit, complete with creepy painting

looking through part of our bathroom

Another part of our bathroom

The wardrobe

I could only get a panoramic shot of our bedroom because it was so big!

The view from our suite’s balcony

The cinema room

Where the drinking happens, minus the kitchen

Oh, and it happens here, too

We dumped our bags in our room, I cracked a beer, Anna and Elaine had some wine, the others grabbed a scotch and soon it was time for dinner. When the website described the food here as “an absolute delight,” that was somewhat of an understatement. We were served fresh fish, crabs, tom yum soup, pad thai, and vegetables, all freshly cooked in front of us in the villa’s kitchen. It was at that point that we knew we would more than likely not just be drinking too much on this trip, but horrendously overeating as well. Anna’s colleague, Yvonne, got in a little later that night as she was working late, but there was still plenty of food and drink when she arrived. When dinner was done, we got comfortable, put on some music and just drank and chatted for the rest of the night while the rain came in at a 45-degree angle and belted the windows, thunder cracking in the background.

Saturday, October 14 It was our only full day here and my greatest fear became a reality; my eye-mask slipped off during the night and both Anna and myself were wide awake at 7:30am due to the light coming in through that window. I managed to get back to sleep, but it was that feeling where you’re not really awake, but not totally asleep either until you manage to snap out of it, which happened to me at again about 9:00am. I watched a bit of a pre-season NBA game in our room for a bit before joining the others for a huge breakfast of sausages, bacon, an omelette, and soup noodles with chicken. When breakfast was done, the others had arranged massages and champagne at midday that would last for two hours, followed by lunch. I can’t stand people touching me, thus I don’t like massages so I sat in the cinema room and read a book the entire time, although I did surface to join them at one stage, however, they were all laying face-down and topless so, to avoid seeming creepy, I went straight back down the stairs and continued reading until it was time for lunch.

Lunch was spectacular again, although we had to ask them to cook about half as much as they were going to, especially when you consider that I don’t usually eat breakfast. The bulk of the afternoon was just thunderstorms, but as soon as they let up we immediately went outside. Anna, Yvonne, and Elaine jumped straight in the pool, I just kicked around on the porch because I can’t swim, and Emily and her boyfriend, Jun Ming, went and took a nap for the afternoon. Definitely a great way of unwinding, but we knew those storms would be back soon and we weren’t wrong:

This cool painting was in the cinema room

A boat caught in the storm

Now we can come out and play

Elaine, Anna, and Yvonne hanging out in the pool

This is what was fuelling them

And now they are “synchronised” swimmers

Fairly certain the unicorn was just an inflatable one

Still going

Okay, time to go back in now.

The storms returned, but soon it was time to eat again anyway, so we came back in. Anna, in typical form, may have gone a little too hard too early and struggled to keep her eyes open during dinner. This isn’t unusual, rather it’s kind of expected. It happened when we were in a Michelin-star restaurant in São Paulo, Brazil and it’s just part of the routine every time we go to my mate Owen‘s place for his Boxing Day party whenever we’re back in Australia for Christmas. In fact, his mother now just sets up a place for her to sleep in advance. In this case it was nothing a two-hour power nap on the couch could’t take care of, then she was back onboard again.

Just resting her eyes for a bit…

The rest of the night was the same as the previous, just chatting, listening to music, drinking, all interspersed with the occasional bout of improvised interpretative dance from myself when a song that is so bad that it’s good, ie. George Michael’s Careless Whisper, came on. It got to about midnight, we’d all been partying since the morning and we knew it would be hard to sleep in with that window in our room so it was time to call it a night.

Sunday, October 15 As expected, the light woke us up early, Anna still recovering from the nightmares she had when she awoke earlier to see me with my eye-mask twisted around, leaving weird lines across my face. She and the others had breakfast, but I decided to just try and sleep a little longer. Our flight was at around 3.30pm, which meant we would have to leave Villa Yin at about 12.30, something we managed to pull off and successfully make our way back to Singapore.

Thanks to all the staff at Villa Yin for giving us such a great weekend away and to Yvonne for finding this place! If you get the opportunity, definitely treat yourself and stay there. I have a feeling we’ll all be doing it again.

I look like I’m photoshopped into the background of this picture

A Stormy Couple of Days In Phuket I've been living in Singapore for almost 10 years now and I've probably mentioned this before, but not a whole lot happens here.