#I’m trying truly it’s just been me messing around with things till I get to my trash art

[nightly-ruse]

I love ‘ugly’ art so much like I want to have my art look so odd and sorta unnerving that ppl like it. Like weird glossy shines and colors, strange expressions that just stick in your mind, gross looking creatures

[misserabella]

in heat

eddie munson x fem! reader

synopsis; in which your teasing becomes too much and eddie finally gives you the fuck you needed —and what you had been wanting all along; his cum filling you to the brim—.

cw; 18+ content! minors dni!!, teasing, daddy kink, use of pet names like pretty girl, baby, princess…, corruption kink, innocence kink, degradation, fingering (r receiving), spanking (thighs and cunt), orgasm denial, degradation, use of names like slut and whore, praising, filthy oral sex (m receiving), dirty talking, throat fucking, breeding kink, unprotected piv sex (guys wrap it before you tap it), cream pie, multiple orgasms, horny feral dirty sex, nipple play, hickeys…

REMINDER: english is not my mother language so i apologize if there are some mistakes <3 !¡ either ways, i hope y’all like it. <3

REPOSTS AND COMMENTS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!

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“Come on, gorgeous. Stop playing with me.” he sighed, completely out of it. The only thing he could focus was just how beautiful you looked in that night pink lace nightgown, lace thigh tights and lace panties? Fucking paradise.

“I’m not playing daddy.” you smiled. And if he knew better, he would have believed you. But Eddie Munson had corrupted you long ago, he wouldn’t fall for that false innocence that you once truly portrayed anymore. He hissed when your little clothed feet pressed a little bit too hard against his growing dick underneath his pants. You had been teasing him for half an hour now, as you both watched a film. You had playfully started to climb his chest with your feet just to slip them down and go at it again, exposing your little clothed cunt and plushy thighs to his hungry eyes.

Oh, but you were. And he knew that. You always started teasing him the most when that pussy of yours would clench and grow wet in slick in hopes of getting filled and split open with the big and fat cock of your daddy. You loooved to tease him, actually. Always trying to push his buttons ‘till he couldn’t take it anymore and snap at you.

You sought out for those angry reactions that only made you want him more, for his harsh treatment and words, and lastly, for the rough hate fucking that came with it. You wanted him to split you in half, to choke you and spit in your mouth as he relentlessly fucked into you, edging you to the point of tears just to give you a goddamn lesson after having spanked your plushy ass.

The best reward after taking him so good would be feeling him spill in you, all that white cum breeding you to sleep. He’d also leave his cock inside to keep it warm for the next morning, when he would once again abuse your sore cunt. You loved it, had you drooling and a babbling mess just for him.

“Stop.” he said in a harsh tone, each of his hands taking one of your ankles to push them against the sofa so you would stop with your fucking games, still leaving those pretty thighs of yours parted for him to watch.

You only giggled a little bit when you noticed the bulge in between his own, your eyes going back to the movie that you were supposed to watch but weren’t paring attention to. Why pay attention to something so boring when you could have so much fun playing with your daddy?

He had got your legs, fine. But you still had your hands…, and your mouth.

Your fingers pressed against the corner of your mouth, running trough your bottom lip as you parted it in an ‘innocent’ fidgeting, eyes glued to the screen in supposed concentration. You acted as if you couldn’t feel the burning gaze of the curly haired on you, or the tightening of his fingers around your ankles when you popped one of your finger inside your mouth, lolling your tongue around it as you would with one of the sweets Eddie always bought for you, sucking on it from time to time. The wet sounds of your drool somehow sounding louder than the screams that came from the tv.

You could hear his breathing get heavier as your other hand snaked down your body, outlining the curve of your tits on your way down in between your thighs. Your hand just stood there, cupping your cunt before you’d tickle yourself with soft breathy strokes up and down your slit. It was enough to make you yearn for more, but not to subside that aching inside of you.

“What are you doing?” you had to fight the smile that wanted to curve your busy lips when your boyfriend’s voice —low with desire and anger— reached your ears.

You didn’t even look at him, continuing with your teasing as you ‘concentrated’ on the film. “Nothing daddy.” you answered, fully knowing that lying wasn’t really gonna help you for him to be gentler. Not as if you wanted it anyways.

He grunted, hands kneading the flesh of your calfs, nails digging on the lace of your tights and making you slightly squirm. “Stop lying.” that made you look straight into his eyes, and your pussy fluttered when you saw just how blown his pupils were, the brown of his eyes almost pitch black as he stared at you. Almost there…

“But I’m not lying daddy…” you pouted, hips rocking against your hand when you pushed harder against your clit, a little whine leaving your lips at the lightning of pleasure that hit your body. “I’m not doing anything…”

The next thing you felt was a big pull of your legs — body scooting closed to your boyfriend’s— and the harsh spank that his hand left on one of your thighs. “Oh, yeah? Then what is this?” your mouth fell open when his own fingers pressed against the wet spot on your panties, making you gasp for air when he had bumped against your clit. You let out a little whimper when he pushed away your hand, copying the little strokes you had been teasing him with before harshly pushing his hand down your panties. He grunted when your slick coated his fingers. You were dripping. “Look at the mess you’ve made.” you let out a little cry when he pulled them down your thighs, stripes of lick connecting your wet cunt with the lace. “Aw, that’s embarrassing.”

“Daddy…” you received a spank on the side of your thighs as two of his fingers slammed inside your pussy, harsh thrusts touching the spot in your gummy walls that made you see little stars dancing in the dark of your closed eyes. Your back arched and lips parted, a sinful amount of high pitched moans filling the room as he finger-fucked you. Your thighs closed when his thumb pressed against your swollen clit, the sudden pleasure making you curl on yourself.

“Did I told you you could play with this little pussy of mine, hmm?” Another slap, this time to your cunt, was given once he had pushed them part one again. The pain had you whimpering and bucking your hips towards him for more, what made him chuckle. “Filthy little fucking whore.” you cried out at his degradation, even more when he went back to fuck you with his fingers. He was shifting in the sofa, pushing himself in between your thighs and on top of you. Your fingers gripped on his Black Sabbath tee, pulling from it so he could lean down and kiss you, but he wasn’t having it. “Nuh-uh, only good girls deserve a kiss.” tears swell your eyes at his words, his face making a fake pout when he saw them stream down your cheeks, not really caring about your pleading. Your head fell backwards when his fingers curved inside of you, fingertips pressing against your g spot and making you jolt under him. “ You liked that? Did that feel good?” you were nodding, walls clenching around his fingers as he worked you towards your imminent orgasm. His free hand around your neck made you a little bit more silent, taking your breath away, but it only made that burning coil on your lower stomach expand. There was nothing you loved more than having your boyfriend’s hand on your neck. Well maybe his dick. You definitely liked his dick more…

“Daddy, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum…” you muttered in between thrusts, feeling yourself get higher and higher and…

And then, you were falling.

“No, please daddy, please I was so close… Please, please, please…”

“Too bad.” You were crying at the emptiness that his fingers had left inside of you, your hips bucking towards his hand, as if you could fuck them back in. “You thought you could go ahead and be a little slut, tease me for almost an hour and then go and get to cum?” he whispered against your ear, his fingers digging in the flesh of your neck, which was damped with your tears. “You don’t deserve to feel this good.” you were nodding, too desperate for a release to even fully register the anger in his voice. He was pissed. Really pissed. “So I’m gonna use you.” your ears took in the sound of his belt being unbuckled and the ruffling of his clothes being pushed down his thighs.

You moaned in pain when his hand moved upwards towards your hair, pulling from it hard enough to have you stumbling and falling down the sofa and in between his now parted legs, his leaking cock twitching and fully hard against his happy trail. The sight made your mouth water. You loved Eddie’s dick, wether it was inside your or deep down your throat. It was so big… And it always was so fucking hard to take…

But you loved it. Lived for him to make a mess of your insides every time he fucked your brains out.

“Open up.” you followed his instruction, rosy lips parting and tongue sticking out, what made him groan, fingers with which he had just fucked your cunt pushing inside your throat. You gagged a little bit, but still took them, your tongue swirling around them, cleaning them up as you sucked, cheeks shallowing. He relished on the way your beautiful and wet eyes looked at him, so needy and thankful to have something in your mouth… But you found yourself whimpering when he pulled from them, a string of spit connecting his fingers with your mouth, which opened in need to seek them back around you tongue, but the harsh grip on your hair stopped you. “Such a greedy whore…”

“Please daddy, let me suck your cock, please…” you pleaded, making him click his tongue when you took him in one of your hands, your cheek pressed against it as your glossy doe eyes stared up at him from between his thighs.

He groaned.

“Fucking slut, look at you, down on your knees and begging to let you choke on my cock…” he scoffed, his fist gripping your hair and pushing down on it, making you gag. “That’s it, fuuuck, you have such a good fucking mouth baby, always so wet and warm for me…” you whimpered, your nails digging on his thighs, making her moan. “Atta girl…” he praised as you deep throated him, letting him fuck your throat. tears were brimming your eyes, and your jaw was staring to hurt, but your cunt was also so wet… You loved it when he used you like this. And you loved his cock, suck it, jerk it, even fuck it.

You were grinding down on your heels desperately, trying to get some friction, to relieve the aching of your little throbbing clit.

Spit was pooling at his base and dripping down to his balls. eddie loved it messy. And you were always so fucking messy while sucking him off… You always ate him as if you were starved for it.

He let out a loud yet deep moan when you let his cock go with a pop to suck on his balls, your hand wrapping around his cock to fuck him with your fist.

“Fuck baby, just like that…” he sighed, feeling his balls tighten. due to your teasing he had been trying to fight a boner for hours… He was fucking pent up. And you looked so fucking hot with your gloss all smeared and chin dripping on his pre cum and spit… “Shit baby, need your mouth on me…” he said, and you were quick to take him down your throat, relaxing when you felt his hand start to guide you once again, each time harder and deeper, faster… “ ‘M gonna cum baby.” he groaned, fucking your throat, groaning when you pushed away and instead jerked him with your hand.

“Want it inside daddy, please, please fuck your cum into me…” you whined, and his dick twitched on your hand.

“Fuuuck…” he sighed, trying really hard not to bust his loud right there and then. there were some days in which you’d beg him to not pull out as you fucked, to fuck you full of his cum. Those days you always had the best sex, ‘cause you were always fucking dripping, and so hot Eddie swore he would melt. You were extra sensitive, and so needy it made you blush at the memory of it the morning after. He could still hear your cries for more from the last time, as he fucked you from the back, fingertips bruising your hips and pussy leaking with already two of his loads. “Come up here princess, come sit on your Daddy’s cock.”

You were fast. Fast to get rid of your goddamn drenched panties and skirt to straddle his lap. Your pussy was completely soaked, almost drooling on his tip. You were fucking horny, and you needed him now.

You whimpered as you sank down on it, hearing Eddie groan, his hands clasping your hips.

“Ah, eddie, fuck…” you sounded so fucking desperate it was pathetic. But you felt in fucking heat.

“Shit. Pussy always ready for me, hm? Ready for my fucking cum.” he grunted, his head leaking, he was gonna cum so hard…

“Yes, yes Eddie please, fuck!” you whined, feeling him completely sink into you, caressing your cervix and making your eyes roll to the back of your head. It didn’t take long until you felt him twitch, right before he came deep into your cunt. You whimpered, and he grunted as you rolled your hips to feel him more, deeper… Your back arched at the feeling of hot spurts of cum painting your walls, and Eddie was sucking new bruises on your neck, marking you up to make everybody know you were his.

“Feeling better sweet girl? This what you wanted, for me to fuck you full, hm?” his voice was deep, and hoarse, but before you could answer his hips were snapping upwards, and his cock was hitting your g spot, the squelch of his cum inside your wet pussy making you blush. “Listen to her, she’s begging for more, isn’t she? You still want more, baby?” you moaned, nodding, your nails digging on his shoulders. “Of course you do…“ he teased you, and the breath got punched out of your lungs when he dragged you down onto his cock.

“Eddie!” you cried out, his lips latching to your neck, one of his arms surrounded your waist and with his now free arm he pushed up the clothing on your chest to suck on your tits, making you let out a pornographic moan that had his dick leaking. “I’m gonna cum!” tears were rolling down your cheeks as his pace quickened. He was fucking you brainless. You were letting out little sounds and cut out moans with every harsh thrust, and you were getting so tight…

“You gonna cum, baby? Gonna cum all over my cock?“ he inquired, and you nodded, the knot on your stomach about to snap.

“Need your cum…” you whimpered, desperately riding his dick as his hips snapped up into your dripping core.

“Need my cum baby? Need me to breed you? Fuck a baby into this little cunt of yours?” you moaned, choking on air.

“Yes, fuck, Eddie, please…”

He groaned, fucking you harder, the sound of skin slapping against skin filling up the trailer. You were sure his neighbors could hear you. He was babbling something about fucking you full as soon as you would cum, and that’s what you needed to fall apart in between his arms, your pussy gushing all over his cock as your moans became more and more loud. Your walls pulsated and tightened around him, and as he had promised, he filled you up to the brim with his second load. You two fucked each other through it, moaning and grunting, panting. Your thighs were shaking, and Eddie’s fringe was sticking to his forehead.

His tongue pushed into your mouth for a lazy wet kiss, and you sat on his cock for what it seemed hours on end, keeping him cum all warm and inside.

Let’s say that Eddie fucked you one more time that night before going to sleep that night… Or maybe four.

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a/n; been so long since i started writing this and never ended it… hope y’all like it <3

stranger things masterlist! <3

xxx

[lon3rlife]

“I promise you that you’re not alone”

Rick Sanchez x Reader

Rick comforts you during a major depressive episode

I haven’t been doing very well for the past few weeks and writing these are one of my only sources of comfort rn tbh

It’s been getting bad again and you knew it. It’s been a struggle to even get out of bed to walk a few feet to your kitchen, your room was in shambles, and you couldn’t even bring yourself to shower. You just get like this and you know eventually you’ll get out of it, but even though you know it will eventually pass you feel so stuck in despair you feel like continuing this downward spiral until you reach rock bottom. As you lay in your bed staring at the bare wall hoping for this to all go away you get a text from Rick.

You don’t even have the energy to reach over to grab your phone, but after a few minutes you finally reach over to see what it has to say.

“Hey. Are you doing okay? I’m coming over. Do you need anything?“

Rick knows how you feel. He really does. He understands how you feel and doesn’t think of you any less. He knows when things get hard to handle and how he can make things just a little easier for you.

You don’t even have time to reply when a green light appears in your room and Rick walks in with a sympathetic smile and gets next to you in bed without saying anything.

You turn to your side and he gently tucks a strand of your messed up hair behind your ear and softly kisses your forehead.

You guys lay together for a while, nothing needed to be said. Rick waited till you felt like talking about it.

“I’ve been doing so shitty. I’m sorry.” You whisper out

“There’s nothing to be sorry about you’re doing the best you can, and I know how hard it is. Trust me. I know it’s not easy to come out of this but I’ll help you. Small steps. Little by little it will get better I promise.” He says pulling you a little closer to him as you hold on his hand softly playing with his fingers.

“I can help you clean up, and get you something to eat. Anything you want, you call the shots.” He says

“Can we please just lay like this for a while I just need to be with you right now.” You say, softly nuzzling yourself to be as close to him as possible.

“Of course baby, anything you need I’ll be here I promise .” He whispers as you close your eyes embracing him until you finally get to sleep.

You wake up the next morning, still feeling stuck in an endless loop. You lift your head off your pillow and look around your room noticing it’s cleaner than it was last night. Granted there’s still some dirty clothes on your chair, but it feels a lot less claustrophobic.

You can smell coffee being made from the kitchen, and you reluctantly make your way out of bed to try to get some food in you.

“Good morning sweetheart.” Rick smiles, a genuine smile filled with nothing but love.

“I-uh made pancakes and coffee, I think it will be good to eat an actual breakfast.”

He sits with you at the table eating with you, the food definitely making your brain feel less foggy.

“Thank you for cleaning my room. You didn’t have to do that you know.” You sleepily smile

He doesn’t even respond, just smiles and takes another bite of his breakfast

The food and small caffeine boost truly helped your head feel a bit clearer. You can’t remember the last time you ate a proper meal, but eating breakfast with the person you loved most definitely boosted your mood. It was something so small but meant so much to you, Rick as well.

After sitting at the dining table for a while just talking and enjoying each others company you guys make your way over to your couch just to lay together, in a new spot other than your bed for a small change of scenery.

“I love you so much you’re so strong.” Rick says running his fingers through your hair as you lay on his chest.

You feel genuine love for him, the love you never would have imagined you would ever feel for someone. You know that you have issues, but he does to, and that’s what makes him so perfect for you. You both understand each other in such complex ways you wouldn’t trade for the world.

[catmiemy]

Another Chance to Live Final Part (Ana Maria Crnogorčević x Reader)

Summary: Ana and you are facing some big changes.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

A/N: I'm actually very proud of myself for finishing this story relatively fast. And it was a lot of fun to write :)

Thank you to everyone that stuck around till the end. I hope you enjoy this last part!

Of course you didn’t just trust your parents to respect the boundaries you had set in place; that had never been their strong suit after all. Once you had successfully weathered the first onslaught of emotions, you thought about it more carefully and together with Ana put a few precautions in place.

For one you informed the staff at Real that none of your family members should be granted access if they came by to see you. A wise decision, as it turned out. Only a few days later your mother showed up, arguing for so long that she had to be escorted off the premises by security personnel.

You also basically moved in with Ana. No one from your family knew where she lived, so they couldn’t just drop by like they could at your apartment. Another good call as you learnt when your neighbors told you that they had almost called the police because a man fitting your father’s description had been standing in front of the house for so long.

All of this made your guilt kick into overdrive and you were grateful for your girlfriend’s support. She never told you what to do, she was even hesitant to tell you what she would do in your place, but Ana was always there to listen and help you keep apart what you truly wanted from what you felt you should do.

While things with your family were at an all time low, you were incredibly happy with Ana, and practically living together was a welcome change in pace. Both of you were committed to making each other smile with small gestures, so your everyday life was filled with much more happiness than ever before. 

Ana loved to start your day off with a big smile by turning your coffee into a small piece of art, constantly trying out new foam designs. And it didn’t matter if they turned out right or not, you appreciated the effort, and attempting to guess what your girlfriend had been going for was half the fun.

You knew Ana felt the same about something you were doing to brighten her day: learning some Swiss German words. Which wasn’t easy because you couldn’t just use any old translator, you had to invest some time to find the correct words. And often times you failed horribly at pronouncing them, making your girlfriend giggle while she was trying to decipher what you were saying. That in turn always got you laughing as well, which made it even harder to pronounce anything properly.  

The biggest laughing fit set off by your Swiss German attempts occurred when you very proudly asked Ana if she could give you a Schmützeli. You didn’t get quite the reaction you hoped for, a kiss; instead your girlfriend was staring at you, and you couldn’t tell if she was amused or annoyed.

“Wait, does it not mean kiss? Did I mess this up? I’m so sorry if I said something offensive,” you apologized frantically, already pulling out your phone to look at your sources again. You had been so sure, you had even double-checked this.

At that point Ana began laughing, so hard that she couldn’t even say anything. Now it was your turn to stare at her, wondering what was so funny. It was a huge relief though; it couldn’t have been anything too bad if your girlfriend found it so amusing.

After a moment you couldn’t help but join the laughter. You didn’t know what you were laughing about, but Ana’s laughter was simply infectious.

Once your girlfriend had calmed down, she explained it to you still a little out of breath, “Okay, so it’s not even really that funny, but Schmützeli isn’t a word you would use with a partner. At least not where I’m from. It’s more for like small kisses between family members or friends. And it just really caught me off guard.”

You silently agreed, this wasn’t really that funny, and you were still a bit confused why it had made your girlfriend laugh so hard. Then again you were always happy to make Ana laugh, so you weren’t going to complain. And you definitely kept using the word again every once in a while because it amused her every time.  

There were other things you did for each other, like Ana playing the guitar for you, sometimes even singing a song you requested, which made you all chocked up whenever she did. Or you taking pictures of small beautiful things you saw in your day to day life to show to your girlfriend in the evening, eager to share the beauty you had encountered with her.

You also did your best to make your everyday life as special as possible, savoring the time you got together. A part of this was ensuring that you weren’t just spending time together by being around each other, but also by doing things and actively spending time together whenever your crazy schedules allowed it. And sometimes even if they didn’t, carving out time when you didn’t necessarily have it.

It was a good thing your personal life brought you so much happiness because the same thing couldn’t be said about your work. To be honest thinking of football as merely that, work, was painful enough by itself. Sure, it was, but it also always had been so much more than just a job.

Sometimes you still debated if you should just retire and try to find something else that would spark some sort of passion again. However, at the end of the day you weren’t ready to give up on what had been your life’s biggest passion so far.

So you resigned yourself to this reality, where the joy you once found in football only showed itself on very rare occasions. And whenever it did, you clung to it with ferocity to tie you over until the next minuscule moment.

Then, completely out of the blue, you got an offer from another team. It hadn’t even crossed your mind to look around for another club; leaving Madrid had never been something you considered. It hadn’t been something you thought you would ever want to do.

But when you were approached by the managers of Tigres Femenil, you realized all of the sudden that it might be exactly what you wanted. It helped that it was the team Jenni was playing for, so you knew if you actually decided to go through with this, you wouldn’t be totally alone on another continent.

That wasn’t the appeal though, that was merely a helpful factor. What really made you want to do it was the fact that it would be your choice, only yours and no one else’s, not your family’s and not your club’s. It would be you deciding what to do with your life, instead of rolling with the punches others kept throwing at you.

Was that a good enough reason to move halfway across the world, though? Especially since there was one obvious reason keeping you in Madrid, Ana. The thought of not seeing her daily was hard to bare. Then again it probably wasn’t healthy that she was the only good thing in your life at the moment, that was too much pressure to place on one person. So perhaps it would be better for your relationship in the long run if you decided to do this?

On the other hand, Mexico was a long way from Madrid. Would Ana be okay with doing long distance or would this be the end of your relationship? Because in that case you wouldn’t do it.

As was in your nature you drove yourself crazy thinking about every possible outcome either of your choices could have. You did your best to not let on that something was bothering you, but Ana must have noticed anyway because she began acting a bit odd herself, switching between being weirdly distant and overly clingy.

You had almost reached the point of finally broaching the subject, when your girlfriend took the first step. In the morning before leaving for your respective training sessions, Ana nervously asked if you could talk later that night. Of course you agreed, thinking that she wanted to ask you what had been on your mind lately.

Consequently you spent the entire day agonizing about how you could put your thoughts and feelings into words. You made countless drafts in your mind, even though you knew that you wouldn’t be able to remember them in the moment. At least they made you feel a bit better prepared.

Ana was back at your apartment before you and she set everything up nicely with candles and flowers she had gotten for you. You appreciated how she went out of her way to make sure you knew everything was okay. Every once in a while you still got in your head, worried that your girlfriend would leave you if you made on small mistake.

Once you had both settled down, Ana took a deep breath, blurting out, “There is something I have to tell you.”

This took you by surprise. You had been under the assumption she had set this all up to get you to talk. And you instantly began wondering what your girlfriend had to tell you. Naturally your first thought was that she might break up with. However, even you had to admit that preparing a romantic candle light dinner would be a very strange move if you wanted to break up with someone.

“Oh, what is it? I actually have something I need to tell you as well,” you replied, trying to keep your worries out of your voice.

“Really?” Ana exclaimed in surprise. This in turn surprised you, you didn’t think you had been doing a good job at keeping your over thinking a secret.

“You can go first,” your girlfriend quickly offered.

Normally you wouldn’t have accepted such an offer, especially not when Ana had been the one to set all this up to talk to you about something. However, something in her tone sounded almost pleading, as if she desperately wanted you to go first. And begging from your girlfriend was something you could never resist.

“Well, I’m guess I’m just going to come out and say it,” you started, taking a deep breath, steeling yourself for whatever might be Ana’s reaction, “I’ve gotten an offer from another club. And I didn’t think it was something I would be interested in, but now that I have it, I realize that I really am. You know how I feel at Real, so this might be my chance to enjoy football again. But then I also don’t want to leave you alone here because I love you and…”

Ana had been listening to you rattling on for a moment, her face unreadable, until she interrupted you sounding oddly excited, “Wait, you’re thinking about leaving Madrid?”

You frowned at her happiness. It was one thing to be excited about something good happening to your partner, but being so happy about them moving away seemed weird to you, and a little painful.

“Wow, no reason to be so happy about getting rid of me,” you mumbled, avoiding your girlfriend’s eyes.

“What? No!” Ana cried out, reaching over to grab your hand. “That’s not what this is about at all. The thing is that I too have gotten offers from other clubs and I didn’t really consider them, but then a few days ago Atleti told me that they wouldn’t renew my contract, so I have no choice but to leave.”

“And I have been feeling so bad about it because just like you said, I didn’t want to leave you behind here either. But if we’re both leaving, it’s a totally different scenario. Sure, long distance is going to suck, but it won’t be forever and at least this way we hopefully both end up in places where we feel happier than at our current clubs.”

Suddenly Ana’s behavior over the last few days made a lot more sense. You had thought she was acting weird because she had picked up on your distress, but really she had been dealing with something herself. Being dropped by yet another team and faced with having to upend her entire life again.

“Ugh, I didn’t think I could hate Atleti more than I already do! How stupid of them to let you go,” you grumbled.

Your girlfriend blinked a couple of times, a smile appearing on her face, “That’s what you’re focusing on right now?”

“Yeah! I’m really annoyed with them! But also…Why didn’t you tell me?”

It wasn’t something you could really complain about since it was very much exactly what you would have done in Ana’s position. Your girlfriend was much better though, when it came to opening up and discussing her struggles. So the fact that she hadn’t told you before didn’t sit right with you.

Ana sighed, rubbing her forehead. “I made up my mind so many times to just come right out and say it, but every time I lost my courage in the last second. Because at it turns out it’s not so easy to tell your girlfriend who you love very much and who has a hard time at work and with her family that you’re moving to another country.”

“Oh.”

You understood that, it was the thing you had been worried about, that Ana felt too much pressure to bring joy to your life because so little else did. Under different circumstances this might have been harder to swallow, but in the current situation it actually helped. It left not a single doubt in your mind, that leaving Madrid was the right choice.

“So, what are your options?” You asked to move on the conversation.

“There are different clubs in Switzerland I could go to, but I don’t really see myself doing that. It would be nice to be close to my family and maybe I should do it to help further women’s football in Switzerland, but it feels more like something I should do, not something I want, you know?”

You knew precisely what she meant. In fact for so long you had made all decisions based on exactly that feeling of ‘I should’, so you were happy Ana didn’t plan on making the same mistake. And you tried to show her that by nodding encouragingly.

“However, the other option is pretty far away, so I just want you to know that no decision has been made yet, and I really want to know what you think. Because if long distance on that scale is a deal breaker for you, I won’t do it,” your girlfriend continued.

Again you nodded, hung up on the fact that you had been having exactly the same thoughts. So as far as distance went this would either work out well for the two of you or Ana would really end up on the other side of the world. What even was on the other side of Mexico? You cursed yourself for your geography knowledge that was clearly lacking.

“Okay, so, the other option is Tigres Femenil. Jenni’s team in Mexico,” your girlfriend rushed out, her eyes flicking between you and the table, as if Ana was torn between wanting to study every miniscule reaction you might show, while also trying to avoid jus tthat.

“What?”

This had to be a joke! Ana probably learnt about your offer from then and decided to play a prank on you. Maybe Jenni had heard about it and told your girlfriend to do this, that would be a Jenni thing to do.

Except not really, though. Your older friend was known for playing pranks and amusing herself at the expense of others, but there was a clear line that she never crossed. And playing with someone’s heart and feelings was on the “don’t”-side of that line.

“I’m sorry! Like I said I haven’t decided yet and if it’s too far then I’ll go to Switzerland. I’m sure that will be great,” Ana apologized frantically. 

“No, wait, that’s not why I reacted like this. The thing is my offer is also from Tigres Femenil, so it just seems a bit unbelievable? People don’t get this lucky in real life,” you explained, disbelief still coloring your tone and set firmly on your face.

“You’re joking right?” Your girlfriend inquired, apparently also having some issues fully accepting this miraculous coincidence as true.

“No, I’m not. They offered me a one year contract with the option for additional years if I like it there and fit well into the team.” Hopefully the added details would make it easier for Ana to believe this was actually happening.

After that the two of you stayed silent for a while, your hearts and minds needed some time to let themselves open up and accept that you were getting much more than you ever hoped for.

You reached that conclusion almost at the same time, huge grins spreading across both of your faces and then there was nothing holding you back anymore. Ana jumped up from her chair first and you swiftly followed suit.

Mere seconds later you basically jumped into your girlfriend’s arms, thinking in the back of your mind that this was exactly how you would celebrate a goal if you would play for the same time. Your heart jumped happily when you realized that you might get a chance to do precisely that next season.

“I’m so happy!” Ana squealed into your ear and you echoed that sentiment.

Moving abroad and playing for another team had sounded excited, but doing so with your girlfriend? That seemed more like a dream than anything else.

Ana and you stayed wrapped up in each other’s arms for a good while, just basking in the happiness. It was a welcome change from the usual reasons you spent so long in each other’s embrace. Normally you did so because one of you, more often than not you, was sad and needed comfort. Now there was not an ounce of sadness present, the air was electrified by excitement and the possibility of everything that was to come.

---

Of course you didn’t decide that night to accept the transfer, not legally at least, but emotionally you definitely did. Still, like the reasonable adults you were, you thought it through, gathered some more information before officially making the choice you had already made the moment you learnt both of you could go to Mexico together.

You called Jenni together to tell her the good news and she was overjoyed. Although if the amount of teasing you had to endure during one measly phone call was anything to go by, you were going to have to put up with a lot next year. You didn’t mind, though. Also you were aware that Ana would put a stop to it if she thought it was getting out of hand. You could as well, Jenni would listen if you seriously told her to stop, but you knew yourself well enough to know that you wouldn’t.

After that Ana and you focused on wrapping up everything in Madrid, sorting out your apartments and such. There was one particular subject you avoided like the plague, your family. You couldn’t leave for Mexico without at least telling them and try one more time, but you also weren’t ready to face them again in the slightest.

Finally you reached a point in time where you could no longer postpone it. Your girlfriend offered multiple times to go with you, but you declined every time, much to Ana’s chagrin. In the end she decided that she would at least drive you and wait for you in a nearby parking lot. You gladly accepted that suggestion.

“And please leave if it gets too much, yeah? Or call me and I will come get you,” Ana reminded you resolutely, still reluctant to let go of your hand.

“Don’t worry, tesoro, I’ll be fine. I don’t think much will come off today, but I just have to try one more time before we leave,” you explained. And it was true; you didn’t have high hopes for your conversation with your family. But even so you ended up being disappointed.

It started with a very frosty greeting, your father leading you into the living room where the rest of your family was sitting. You had chosen that day specifically because you had thought no one else would be over, but apparently you were out of luck. All of your aunts and uncles were assembled, staring at you disapprovingly.

You swallowed roughly, wetting your lips nervously when it became apparent that you would have to lead this conversation. This had been expected, you had even practiced a bit at home with Ana, but now in the moment your mind felt terrifyingly blank. With everyone glaring at you the only thing you could think of was to apologize. And that was the one thing you remembered you didn’t want to do.

“Did you just come here to stare at us?” Your mother questioned unfriendly.  

“No, I…This isn’t so easy. You’re making this really hard for me,” you muttered

“We’re making it hard for you? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to us? Just completely cutting us out of your life because of some random girl you met a few months ago,” your mother accused you.

The guilt and self-doubt threatened to consume you, but you tried to focus on your anger instead. At least the anger would allow you to say what needed to be said, even if you couldn’t lay it out as calmly and clearly as you wanted.

“See, this is what I mean. Everything is always my fault and you never listen to what I have to say,” you defended yourself. “And Ana isn’t just some random girl. I can’t stand that you talk like this about someone I love, someone who I’m pretty sure is the love of my life.”

Your family exchanged meaningful glances, the sentiment on their faces clear as day; they thought you were being ridiculous or childish or dramatic. Three adjectives they loved using to describe you.

“You’re getting too emotional again, niña, that has always been your problem. How do you expect us to take you serious like this? And think about this, you say we’re always acting as if you’re the problem, but in reality it’s you doing that. You always blame everything on us, your horrible family. Poor you with parents, aunts and uncles that support you!”

Condescension was something you were used to, and it had always made you feel very tiny and incredibly mad at the same time. You were an adult for crying out loud, not a little kid. And still in that moment you felt exactly like that.

“Fine, you know what, I can see that this is totally pointless! I don’t even know why I thought I should try again. So I’m just going to tell you the one thing you need to know; once this season is over I’ll go to Mexico to play there. So I guess, see you never?” You yelled, turning around and stomping out of your childhood home, without giving your family any chance to reply. What was the point?

Tears were already streaming down your face as you ran down the street to where Ana was waiting. Your girlfriend saw you coming; she had been keeping an eye out for you practically from the moment you had kissed her goodbye.

When she saw you rushing towards her, Ana’s heart broke. She had hoped this would go better, but your demeanor and the fact that you were back so soon told her everything she needed to know.

Ana quickly clambered out of the car to meet you with open arms. You fell into them, allowing yourself a moment to completely lean into your girlfriend and absorb some strength from her. Not too long though, you didn’t want to risk anyone catching up with you.

“Come on, let’s go,” you requested, already moving to the passenger’s side.

The drive home was mostly silent, your girlfriend held your hand whenever she didn’t need both of them to drive, and only asked you in the very beginning if you were ready to talk. You just shook your head in response. First you would have some more crying to do, before you could even hope to use words.

And you did exactly that, once again safely tucked away in your girlfriend’s arms. You couldn’t wait to get to a point in your life where you didn’t need so much comfort anymore.

“How are you feeling?” Ana prompted once she noticed you were ready to talk. She had seen you biting your cheek, contemplating how to start the conversation and decided to help you out with questions.

“I didn’t have much hope to begin with, but apparently I still had some that could be crushed. And also…,” you stopped, uncertain if you should continue. It felt like you kept bringing up the same things; shouldn’t you get over them at some point?

“Also?”

There was nothing but love and concern on your girlfriend’s face. You didn’t have to worry about her judging you, this was a safe space.

“I’m so annoyed with myself. I couldn’t even say much before I ran away. I can just hear them calling me a dramatic little girl who runs away as soon as things get though”, you gritted out.

Ana tensed at your harsh words towards yourself and she forced herself to count to three before answering, not wanting to sound too intense. There was however nothing she could do about the emotions lingering in her voice.

“Please stop listening to their voices in your head. I don’t think removing yourself from a bad situation is running away, that’s a smart move really. You need to take care of yourself.”

You nodded thoughtfully, “You know I’ve been thinking about that and realized I often put their needs and wants over mine. But I guess putting others first only works if they do the same. Otherwise if I always put them first, but they never put me first, I’m just always going to end up last, right? I think that’s what’s been happening all my life and I’m done with it!”

“Absolutely! If anything your parents should be putting you, their child, first. That’s what my mom said when I talked about it with her. She also said some other things, but I’m not sure if you want to hear them or if it’ll just make you sad.”

Ana studied you carefully, every sign of pain embedded in your body hurting her as well. She hated how that you had to deal with this, so the last thing she wanted to do was to add any pain to it.

“No, please, tell me. I think it will be helpful, hearing what an actual good parent thinks about all of this,” you requested.

You had only met Ana’s parents twice before, but they had been everything you wanted your own family to be. They were excited to see their daughter, but expressed that without making her feel guilty for not being around more. And they had welcomed you with open arms, clearly very pleased that Ana had found a special someone to share her life with.

“She also said that nothing makes her happier than seeing us, her kids, living our best life. Not some life my parents pictured for us, but the life we choose. She can’t really understand why so many people try to force their kids to be something they’re not. According to her slowly getting to meet your children’s truest self is one of the biggest joys of them growing up.”

Your eyes filled with tears again causing your girlfriend distress. You had been sitting opposite each other, hands intertwined in between you, but now Ana pulled you into her embrace again.

“See, I knew I shouldn’t have said anything,” your girlfriend cried out.

You shook your head, “I wanted to hear that, I needed to hear that. It makes me feel less unreasonable and ungrateful.”

Ana gently kissed the top of your head, rubbing comforting circles on your back. “You’re anything but, you’re absolutely amazing.”

The longer you were with your girlfriend and the more she told you things like these, the easier it became to believe them. It wasn’t easy or natural yet, but you found yourself questioning your old beliefs much more often.

You didn’t speak more about it that evening, indulging in some self care instead. However, a few days later you recognized that it was still bothering you. There was no way you would try again, but it also didn’t feel right to shut the door to your family completely.

Surprisingly when you brought it up to Ana, one day after training when you were cuddling on the couch, you practically on top of your girlfriend, she informed you that she had been thinking about that as well.

“How about you set up an email account just for them? This way you can check it every once in a while when you feel up to it, or I can even check it if you prefer. That would allow them to contact you if they have a change of heart, but you aren’t constantly bombarded with unwanted messages.”

A huge weight was lifted from your heart when you heard this suggestion. That was precisely what you wanted, some small gap left open, but nothing that would affect you in your everyday life. The last thing you wanted was to constantly get attacked by hurtful messages.

You placed a few kisses everywhere on your girlfriend’s face, uttering one word between each kiss,”You. Are. The. Best. Girlfriend. In. The. World. And. I. Love. You. So. Much.”

Ana happily accepted your kisses. “So, no second thoughts about moving to Mexico?” She inquired cautiously.

“Not a single one, I’m so excited for it, and I won’t let my family ruin it. Plus it would be the same if I stayed here. If anything being not only in another country, but on another continent might actually be good for me.”

“Good, because I’m very excited about it,” your girlfriend announced with a big smile.

“Me too,” you agreed.

In fact you couldn’t wait to start that adventure with Ana. You had never allowed yourself to be an adventurous person, telling yourself, or really being told by your family, that you were anything but.

However, now you realized that you did have an adventurous streak and it was high time you used it. For too long you had lived the life everyone else wanted you to live, but now you were getting another chance at life, at the life you truly wanted.

You didn't even wait until you moved to Mexico. A few days before leaving, you dragged Ana to a hairdresser, stating that both of you should change up your look to start over fresh.

What you didn't expect though, was for your girlfriend to decide she wanted to color her hair pink. You had thought about something more along the lines of cutting your hair a little shorter.

But then Ana announced with a big grin that she was going pink, and you made a split second decision, telling the hairdresser to whip up some purple hair dye for you.

And that's how the two of your started off your new life, one of you pink haired and the other one purple. You loved the way it looked and couldn't care less when pretty much the first thing out of Jenni's mouth when she picked you up from the airport was, "Where are you two going? A five year old's birthday party?"

"Shut up, Jenni, you're just jealous of us," Ana retorted.

Jenni rolled her eyes, "Maybe, but I get a feeling you're going to help me get over that by annoying me with your lovey-doveyness."

"Absolutely," you agreed, pulling your girlfriend against yourself and kissing her passionately.

"Fine! I'll stop if you stop!" Jenni exclaimed, grabbing one hand from the both of you and marching you towards the exit. "Bienvenida a México, chicas!"

[lynlyndoll]

I wish

genre: fluff, angst, comfort, neighbor au, friends to crushes to strangers to lovers

pair: bangchan x fem!reader

summary: You've always wished for things that never happened, or at least, that's what you thought. The whole theory you made about not getting what you truly wished for was ended when your biggest wish got granted. The one of having the one you love next to you.

word count: 4k

lyn's note: hello guys! oh my, i've missed writing and publishing actual fics here :)) so here is the first part of the event, i hope you guys will like it! please reblog/like if you like this, thank you!!!

8 days for Christmas masterlist

“I wish… I wish…” you kept saying in your parents’ car, watching out the window at the white scenery displayed outside. You were in the process of moving away from your old house because of your dad’s new job - something that you disliked with your whole heart. Not only that you were moving away from your best friends, but the move came during Christmas time - your favorite time of the year, that now has been fogged with sad thoughts of leaving your favorite people. “I wish we wouldn’t have moved.” You scoff, continuing your idea. Your parents look at you, your mom slightly smiling.

“Everything’s going to be fine, Y/N… You’ll see! You love Christmas! Look how much snow we have!” She chuckles, making you look at her and sigh.

You, indeed, loved snow - a factor that indeed maybe made you be more positive about the move, since during winter, at your old place, snow rarely came. You slowly smiled, however, still trying to keep your sad face on. 

You get out of the car and the first thing you do is breathe in the cold air that is brushing over your skin. You smile at the feeling, a little giggle escaping your lips. Looking around, you see a little boy smiling at you, waving his little hand a little after you locked eyes with him. You wave back, which encourages the boy to come closer.

“Hi!” The boy says and you reciprocate the greeting. “You're new, right? I stay just across the street - wait you saw that already… Uhm, if you need some help, I can help you! And my family will, as well! I’m Chan, by the way! Chan Bahng!”

“I’m Y/N…” you shyly say. “Y/N Y/LN. And thank you…” You smile.

Your dad then calls you to help him, interrupting the small interaction between you and the boy, named Chan. You go inside the house to help your parents move in, getting box after box from the moving truck. 

“Who’s the boy?” Your mom asks you, as the work is finally done. “He seems nice.”

“He’s Chan. Chan Bahng. His family lives just across the street.” You smile thinking at the boy. Your mom smiles as well.

“Then, if they are our new neighbors, we should invite them to dinner, after we finish moving this mess.” She says, chuckling.

Next time you see Chan is at school, in the hallways. 

“Hi, Y/N!” He says, happily. “How have you been? How's the moving? Still don’t need my strong arms?” He jokes, showing his arms as if he had big muscles, making you laugh.

“Thanks, Chan, but we've almost finished! And I've been… I guess, fine? I still miss my friends and the time isn't making it better.” You sigh, thinking about the Christmas you spent with your friends, knowing that this year’s Christmas wont have its special guests around the Christmass tree.

“Yeah, I think I understand the feeling. I also love Christmas and I'm sure it must be hard for you… But still, you have me!” He smiles, taking your hand and running along the corridors till he finds the door that leads to the school’s backyard, which was full of snow. You smile and follow him outside, running around and throwing snowballs at each other.

That night, your family got an invitation for Christmas from the Bahngs. You smiled, remembering what happened during school hours. Your family accepted the invitation, which made you radiate happiness. 

The Christmas parties became an annual tradition for your and his families, each year being spent either at your house or his house. You grew up with him being your perfect and funny neighbor, the one that you could always count on for saving the day. A tradition became decorating each other’s house in the last week before Christmas, ending each day with a Christmas movie while drinking your favorite hot chocolate. Many other traditions were made with him, more than half of your special memories being filled with him. 

Every year, the school organized a Christmas party for the seniors - and now, it was your turn as well to participate. As much as you loved the idea of going to the school’s party, you knew that there weren't many people interested in the idea of going with you. In fact, you knew that actually no person would want to go with you. No person, except - you hoped - Chan. Chan was always there for you, always ready to help, so why not ask him. Sure, you hoped you’d be the one asked out for the party, but after all, the question itself wasn't a big deal, right? 

You prepared everything, so, with the help of your few friends, the question would be perfect. A banner that you made with your girl best friend was hung, your friends were already making Chan walk up to you and your hands were sweaty from the nervousness. But, afterall, he is Chan, right? He wouldn't say no, right?

As he enters the room you specially occupied for the question, his eyes land on you. Your smile is bright as you ask your question. He smiles as well, although, a little bit awkwardly.

“Y/N… as much as I’d want to… I already asked Sana and she said yes.” He says, trying not to upset you. In fact, now you realize how stupid you must've been. You've always known that Chan always liked Sana - nothing new or nothing to bother you. You slightly smile, muttering a “Good job!” and a “Sorry for asking.” as you walk out the room. He tries to follow you, but your friends stop him - they knew you wanted to be alone.

You, indeed, wanted to be left alone, swallowing your tears as you realized that not even your best friend, the boy you've known since you were six years old, the boy who would've done anything for you, didn't want to go with you. Sure, you knew that you were probably too egoistic to think that he'd drop everything for you, but still, you couldn't stop feeling sad that the one person you truly felt connected to, wasn't there for you.

You decided not to bother over the fact that he went to the Christmas party without you. You also decided not to bother when Sana and him started going out together, as a couple, and he hasn't had any time for you as well. You decided not to bother over the fact that he went to the prom, without you again, making you stay at home while eating ice cream and tears mixing with the hiccups you got. Okay, maybe you were indeed upset. Maybe you missed your best friend. So what? You were okay with him dating, afterall, it was a normal thing to do at your age - not that you had part of it. To be completely honest, you haven't had your first kiss yet, but hey! What’s the big deal, right? 

“I wish… I wish he’d fucking see.” you sigh. Yes, you wish he’d see that you may care about him more than you'd care for a friend, youd even wish he’d acknowledge it, even if it would mean that he refuses you. At least, that way, you would accept that you have no chance with him. 

Even if you were still thinking about your crush on Chan, you decided to try and have some fun without him. So, when you got asked out for the first time, you immediately accepted. Not only because you were desperate to get Chan off your mind, but also because the boy who asked you out wasn’t too bad. In fact, he was a fun person to be with, attentive and caring. Plus, he was also pretty. His name - Taehyung - was pretty as well, it fitted him. 

You both went to a few dates together and you soon - almost - forgot about the Chan situation. Sadly, both of you parted away from each other, but you didn't have time to notice that. He tried, indeed, to talk to you, after Sana and him broke up. But you were always with Taehyung, which always brought you joy. 

That summer was the summer you parted ways for college as well. You started going to the university from the other side of the town, while he went to the closest university from his home. Every year, however, both of you would see each other for Christmas holidays, both of your eyes lingering on each other for a few seconds, before entering the house, unspoken words coming out every time. Taehyung was a great boyfriend. You loved him, but a little feeling in the back of your mind was always there, never making you stop thinking about Chan. 

“Y/N… I- we aren’t working anymore.” A teary Taehyung says, as you are also crying.

It all started two months ago. You and him both started to have a lot of work to do and none of you tried to make a little conversation with each other. You both got back to your shared apartment wasted and full of workload, entering the kitchen, grabbing some quick snack and going to sleep, only for the next day to happen exactly the same. You both tried to start talking again, but whenever one of you tried, the other wasn't in the mood of anything. Other than that, almost every week had its own fight, over the most insignificant stuff, which exhausted each other even more. Today was another fight, because he found the apartment messy. The fight accelerated quickly and soon enough, words were hitting each other again, harshly. Tears appeared in each other’s eyes. 

“We… we can’t, we-”

“Don’t you see, Y/N?” He sighs. “We haven’t had a normal conversation for months! We have barely even seen each other!”

“It’s- It’s only a phase, we will-”

“Y/N, please listen to me.” He cupped your face and made you look at him. “I love you, but we aren’t working. This- this is toxic! And it isn’t a phase… We’ve been like this for months, Y/N. For months! It’s not good for any of us!” He says, frustration being heard from the tone of his voice. His words make you cry even harder, hugging him as a goodbye.

“I loved you too, Taehyung. Very much. Thank you… for everything.” You sigh into his embrace. “I’ll leave in the morning.” You say as you go pack your bags.

Tragic, right? The only guy that made you feel safe put an end to your relationship. You knew that the relationship was getting even more toxic by day, but there was a hope… You wished it would get back to normal, to the way it used to be. But of course everything that you truly wish for, never happens. You always have laughed, the truth to be told, about the way that everything that you wished for turned out exactly the other way. If it happened to anyone other than yourself, you’d laugh, honestly. Because it simply sounds funny - to never have something that you truly wish for. And all of these wishes that never ended well, were all during the winter holiday, your favorite time of the year. But maybe it’s just your negative thoughts. Probably. Either way, right now, you have to think about another thing, about packing your things and getting out of your now ex boyfriend. 

It's exactly eleven months and thirteen days since you and your ex-boyfriend broke up. You weren't mourning your relationship anymore, however, you were still thinking about the happy moments you had together. However, you had no time to think about your past, now focusing on your last year of university. Truth to be told, you were straight up stressed and frustrated with the amount of work your teachers made you have - but you were ready to give your best. 

You still live with your parents, not having enough money to find an apartment all by yourself. Many people said it's stressing, to stay with your parents, but you were glad you still had some time to spend with your family, since you'd move away from home once you finished college. Afterall, this is your last Christmas here and you want to take in everything before you leave your childhood place. 

As you were getting nostalgic, you hear your mother call you from outside your room. You find your mom in the kitchen, preparing breakfast. 

“Hi, love.” She says and gives you a kiss on your forehead, but quickly gets back to cooking. “Your dad and I will go to his parents for the Christmas week and, since you're full of workload, we know you would prefer to remain at home. The only thing that I want to warn you is that, since you're a Christmas lover, we know you'll want to prepare the whole house for the holidays, so please take care. We will leave tomorrow morning, before you'll wake up, so don't worry about us.” 

You smile and nod, still a little bit sleepy. “Alright! Please take care, mom.” Right then, your father came from your parents’ bedroom, smiling at the smell of the pancakes your mother just finished making. 

It's already the 17th. Fuck. It's a week before Christmas and, even if you're full of excitement for having the house all for yourself during the holidays, you still can't stop thinking if your Christmas-decoration plan isn't a bit too much for yourself, being alone. But after all, you're Y/N, you've done this many times - sure, with the help of your parents and, well…

“Hey, don't you think you need a bit of… help?” Well, fuck. You could recognize that voice whenever and wherever. The exact person you were thinking of previously, the one and only Chan Bahng. You'd lie if you would say that you wouldn't need some help, though. But you don't want help, especially from him. So you try to ignore his concerned tone, as you try to put the Christmas lights at your house's eaves, standing on a not-so-stable metal staircase. And exactly what you did not wish for, happened. Your stairs happened to just give up on you, making you fall. Chan, immediately after he saw the way your stairs were moving in a not-so-safe way. He caught you in his arms, preventing you from hitting the pavement. He smiles, but once you feel his arms stopping your fall, you jump away from him, rearranging your outfit. He coughs, sighing at his question still being unanswered.

You force a smile. “Well, I guess..” You sigh, thinking that you, indeed, need some help. Even from Chan, your ex-best friend and still neighbor.

Indeed  with the help of another person, you soon finished decorating the outside. As you were entering the house, he stopped you. “Hey, uhm, maybe… I can help you with the inside as well? Since it's a big house and little time and we'll, you're alone.” He smiles, almost too awkwardly for Chan. He was right. Again. Another thing to add to the list of the things you don't like about him. You nod your head, inviting him in. Well, maybe you have another helper. The only thing you need to do is just, simply, finish the whole decorating situation, as fast as you can, and he'll be gone. Right?

That was the plan. A plan you had terribly failed, starting off with the question: “What in the world smells like this?”. A question asked by your neighbor, Chan. A question that even yourself would’ve asked if you wouldn't have been the one preparing the Christmas cookies you once knew how to prepare. You laughed, honestly, because another thing that you wished for just simply didn't happen. Well, that's the smallest thing that hasn't happened as wanted, you told yourself. Funny. Either way, the bad smell somehow found its way into the alley - the one Chan, exactly at that moment, was walking by. Funny, again. He knocked at your door, thinking that there might have been some type of fire accident and he was worried for you - something you brushed off easily, as only guilt built up through years. He asked you that exact question, which made you laugh - a genuine laugh, that made Chan thank God for finally getting some type of positive reaction to him - and you simply answered by letting him inside, showing him the cookies - the horribly burnt, with no taste cookies. You knew that you were a bad cook since you were a kid, to be honest. But usually, your parents or friends - yes, even Chan used to fit this category - were next to you, helping you out, which always made your cooking way more bearable - not for you, but for the other's health. Once he sees the cookies, his signature smile appears, his nose scrunching from both the unpleasant smell and from laughing. You smile as well - another sign that Chan takes in. 

“Okay, don’t you think you need some help with… those?” He says, amusingly. 

“Maybe…” You laugh as well, throwing the cookies into the bin.

That day, you cooked with Chan till late. The first attempt that you both made was so good that none could stop eating, so exactly when you wanted to take some and put them for the decor, you noticed none was left. So you both did another round of cookies, this time leaving some for the decor. Seeing that it was close to midnight, you invited him to eat something at your house, from your mom’s famous Christmas steak - an actually very common steak, however, you and Chan gave that name a few years ago, in your childhood. So he accepts your invitation, settling down at the table. That night, you both started talking about everything that happened during the time you didn’t talk - a thing that somehow, made you feel better. It was a good dinner, you thought, even if the steak was a little bit too cold, but his presence made the atmosphere warmer, so you didn’t mind it. 

There are exactly 6 days, 20 hours and 21 - actually 22, no 23 - seconds since you started planning for Christmas and eventually, started speaking to Chan again. A thing you finally didn’t regret. You were finally together, again. And tonight was finally Christmas Eve. Funny, you didn’t even register how the time went.

Ding Dong.

A sound comes from outside of your house. You open the door and are met with a red-nosed Chan, with the one sweatshirt you gave him years ago - you didn’t even recognize it at first - and with his hands on two hot chocolates, both from your favorite cafe in town. He looks up at you, eyes a little bit teary from the cold and you immediately smile and let him in. 

“Hey-”

“I did not want you to spend Christmas alone, Y/N… So, here I am!” he answers right away at your unspoken question. You forgot this man can literally predict your every move. So you just smile and help him with the hot chocolate - which you then pour into your favorite mugs, the ones you both got for Christmas, a long time ago. 

“What movie are we watching this Christmas, Y/N?” He asks, making himself cozy on your couch. You sit next to him, placing some of the Christmas cookies you both made together in front of you, accompanied by the hot chocolate Chan got - especially for you, a thing that he won’t tell anyone, actually.

“Well, how about (your favorite Christmas romance movie)?” You smile, as he nods and opens Netflix, pressing play to the movie.

There are 6 days, 23 hours and 19 - 20, 21 and 22 - seconds since Christmas appeared in your planning agenda again and you're finally at the last part. The one you enjoyed every Christmas - cuddling with a sleepy and warm Chan, that knows all the action of the movie, so when he wakes up at exactly 3 minutes before the main characters kiss, he knows all the action that has happened. And now, he’s finally awake, again, 3 minutes before the kiss scene, exactly as you expected. 

2 minutes.

“Okay, they are close!” He says with excitement in his voice as he hugs you even closer than you were, making you chuckle. You hug him back as well. Somehow, you like this proximity, even if it feels way more different than it used to be back when you were teenagers. It feels intimate, but you brush the thought off.

1 minute.

“Hold on~” He says, trying to figure out exactly the moment they will kiss. The two main characters are on the big screen of your TV, meaningful words being said by both of them. You start thinking how good it has to feel to have a winter love that grows day by day and the love erupts during Christmas Eve. It feels magical, untouchable, and you have to admit that you'd want to feel it too. Feel the thrill of celebrating both Christmas and the day you and your loved one had become a couple. You tried to imagine it, but the only thing that came into your head was the little boy that you saw the first day you moved here. In your imagination, the little boy grew and grew, and then you saw through your thoughts dates that he would have probably taken you to. You sigh at the mental images you imagined, returning back to reality when he strokes your hand. Your eyes meet his - he was already looking at you.

30 seconds

“Are you okay?” His gentle voice rings in your head. 

“Yeah…” That's all you can say. You're not fooling him, so he scoots even closer to you. 

“Y/N, I know you for a long time - too long to remember actually” He cracks a joke, making you smile. “I know when you’re not doing great, so please tell me. I am - well, I used to - be your best friend-”

“You still are…” You interrupt him.

15 seconds

“Well, I’m glad because you’re also mine-”

“That’s the thing. We’re best friends.” you continue.

“Yeah… I know?”

“Well, yeah, only best friends. Nothing else. Exactly as we used to be during our childhood.” You say, your gaze now being in your lap. He doesn’t say anything, so you continue. “During our childhood, I never truly understood what I felt to you. I confused it with… friendship, but it wasn’t quite that. It was more like… teen love, I guess? I mean, I was still a kid, but I felt something for you, more than I felt for my other friends, y’know? And… it broke my heart when I saw you with Sana-”

“It broke my heart to see you with Taehyung, as well.” He says, quietly, making you look at him, his blush prominent on his cheeks. “I mean… I thought you didn't see me this way and all of my friends made fun of me for not having a relationship, so I asked Sana out because I knew - well, I thought - you’d say no.” He sighs.

3 seconds

“Well, I never knew-”

“Is there a reason why we stopped talking?” He asks, making you nod. He cups your cheeks and lets out a heavy sigh.

2 seconds

“Do you, by any chance, still feel the same way?” He asks, hoping to be heard in his tone.

“I-” you remain blocked, a smile growing and growing until it reaches your eyes. “Yeah.”

1 second

“Then, fucking kiss me!” He groaned, rolling his eyes in a fake annoyance.

Kiss scene

No one was focusing on the movie, not now when your lips were on his. He was like coziness, home and safety - a mix of all of your comfort things. He tasted like Christmas, like actual Christmas. Both of you started to smile in the kiss, a soft, long awaited moment for both of you. 

“I wish we did this before…” You say once you break the kiss.

“I wish we will do this forever.” He smiles, bringing another wave of positivity to you, kissing you again, just as he wished. Forever.

taglist: @agi-ppangx @lisaaassophhhieee @jenny1p-l0ve

[regalbootie]

Ok first thing first, I die each time you upload! Your a great writer, like damn it’s god send! I truly wanted to ask for this. (Smut) Larissa and the reader have been married for some years, and for the first time Larissa wanted to try something new in their sex life! Staying in her true form and only changing her female sex for male genitalia. The reader allows it and Larissa shapeshifts her form and basically pounds the reader on the bed, while cumming inside her women one after another and groaning and moaning because of the pleasure. At the end Larissa is being a tired lump on top of reader, tells a joke about how she can see the appeal in having a cock and claiming her women.

Trying something new in the bedroom

THIS IS 18+ MINORS GO AWAY.

I love this request, ngl did struggle to write it cos I ain't got a peen so unsure of what it all feels like so I tried my best!

There will be a part 2 as I wanted to post this cos I got too excited, lol.

Lariss weems x reader fic

WARNING: Shapeshifter penis, dominance

You were so thankful it was finally the Christmas holidays, all the students were home or with friends for the holidays which meant all the staff could do whatever they pleased for the holiday break.

You and Larissa planned a short getaway to a little secluded cabin in the wilderness so you both could relax and have some privacy. No phones, no laptops and no work.

That was the promise you both made so you both could focus on one another. Work had been hectic, with Larissa running Nevermore and yourself getting students ready for exam season, you both had not had much time for each other.

So there you were watching the snow slowly fall to the ground as you took in the winter wonderland around the car. The radio playing soft music as Larissa’s hand that rested on your thigh tapped to the rhythm of the song.

You bit your lip smiling as she sang along to the god awful Christmas song while focusing on the road. Smiling to yourself at how lucky you were to have her and to love everyday.

It wasn’t much longer till the cabin was in sight, it was small but that’s all you and Larissa needed. Grabbing the bags and rushing in from the cold you were quick to get the fire rolling. It didn’t take long for the cabin to heat up with the roaring fire seeping warmth into the cold cabin.

Admiring your fire you started, you felt two hands wrap around you from behind and you hummed with happiness at her touch. A glass of wine was presented to you which was gladly accepted. Taking a small sip and swaying your body as you held this moment in your mind to remember forever.

You and Larissa finally at peace with no disruptions or distractions. You both stayed there for a while, content being in one another’s arms, until you turned so you could face her.

Small smiles gracing both of your faces, with your free hand you cupped her cheek, “I love you so much, my darling wife”

“I love you too, my darling wife” The wedding was 2 months ago, but the honeymoon was delayed with work getting in the way. Larissa leaned down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. You could taste the wine of her and moan.

Knowing what this did to her it was no surprise when Larissa’s grip tightened on your body and swiped her tongue against your bottom lip asking for entry.

How could you deny her she had you in a puddle of mess just with a kiss. Opening your mouth for her, the kiss deepened, her tongue mixing with yours in a dance you knew well.

Larissa’s hands gripped tight on your hips and started to guide you to the bedroom, she couldn’t wait she had this idea of something new to bring to the bedroom something that she had never tried before.

Pushing you onto the bed a giggle escaped “oh what will you do to me, mistress?” you purred as you moved back farther onto the bed.

“I’m going to fuck you senses, my pet. Now strip” doing as you were told as fast as you could throwing your top and jeans over your shoulder. You start taking your underwear off but feel a strong warm had stop you.

“not just yet little one” you were so focused on undressing that you didn’t notice Larissa stripping down to just her panties, biting your lip she moved to lay over you laying kisses over your body making you squirm and gasp when she left a nip. “God you are so beautiful” she worshiped your body giving into the tender moment for just a little bit.

“Yesssssss” You hissed as she sucked on your pulse point, hearing you it turned into a lust filled bite. She pulled back looking you in the eyes “are you ready for this?” arching a eyebrow.

All you could do was nod and that was all it took.

Pushing your bra down roughly she took an exposed nipple into her mouth nipping and then soothing it with a lick. Your legs come to wrap around her pulling her closer. “please mistress” moaning loudly now that you had no student neighbours in the halls of nevermore nearby.

Growling Larissa ripped the bra off and was much more ferocious making your eyes roll back and moaning louder, her hands held you down by the hip and she grinded against your core your wetness already soaking making you ready for her so quickly. You would be embarrassed by this if it wasn’t for the attention she was giving your nipples, pinching them and nipping. She grinded again against you.

Your body stiffened when you felt something different and pulled back a little bit. “what was that?”

Grinning Larissa moved off your body to stand before you, she had a bulge in her panties and you gasped, you had never asked about this. You were 100% sure on the ins and outs of shapeshifters but shifting genitalia was not something you had thought of before.

“I wanted to try something new, why should mistress not get to feel her little slut cum over her cock, I want to feel you cum around more than just my fingers”

Slipping her panties off you could see her stand to attention already. Where there should be a wet dripping pussy there was a long, big and thick shaft.

You did not like guys or their penises but Larissa’s was beautiful. She grabbed you by your legs pulling you to the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to fill you up and fill every inch of you, pet. I know you’ll like it. Your panties have gotten 5 shades darker since you’ve seen it”

She slid her tip through your folds making your head fall back with a gasp. Larissa couldn’t hold back a moan at the sensation, it was amazing just to feel your wet pussy on her tip.

Making sure she was well coated she looked to you for confirmation to continue, knowing this was new and that you were ready for it.

Leaning up you captured her lips in a kiss a hand trailing down to take her in your hand and line her to your entrance. “fuck me mistress” whispering into her ear as you pulled her back into a deep and passionate kiss.

Hips moving slowly forward the kiss broke and whimpers escaped both of you at the same time. Larissa felt like she could already burst as she felt the tight warmth wrap around her and all you could do was fall back onto the bed arching.

Larissa started slowly, nervous if she let go she would hurt you. You needed her right now though, you needed it hard and fast filling you up every inch.

Grinning you wrapped your legs around her hips pulling her harshly forward making you take the full length of her. “fuck me hard and fuck me fast”

“Anything for my good girl” smirking Larissa drew all the way back and slammed back in. Making you cry out and grip the bed sheets.

Her pace was hard and fast the feeling of you around her was intoxicating. “good girl, good girl” she chanted, her free hand moving to hold your throat and the other to play with your clit.

Your pussy clenched and it only spurred Larissa further “you like my big cock don’t you, you will beg to let me fuck you like this won’t you”

“YES MISTRESS YES! I WANT YOU TO FUCK ME LIKE THIS FOREVER” you were so close already and the sensations were overwhelming.

“Im so close mistress please let me cum on your cock” begging like the good girl you were for your mistress. Larissa knew she wasn’t going to last much longer and she wanted to cum with you to feel it.

“cum for me darling” her breath was laboured and gasping but her gasps where cut short when you came screaming her name as you clenched around her and all Larissa could was keep pounding as the orgasm hit her.

“oh my fucking god oh my fucking god, I’m going to cum in you my little slut” Larissa screamed with you as she thrusted deeper.

“please mistress cum in me” the dam broke and Larissa bit down hard on your shoulder as her whole body convulsed as she came hard making you orgasm a second time. You and her didn't expect anything to come out but were surprised when she felt the rush of a hot liquid fill you up, and all you could do was love the feeling.

Her pace was relentless and rougher as she drew out both her own orgasm and yours. Sweat dripping off both your bodies.

Slowing down she slowly pulled out and you hissed a little from the sensation, you knew you were barely going to be able to walk tomorrow but you didn’t care because Larissa threw your body around and slapped your ass hard.

“I’m not done with you yet, get on all fours” being the ever obedient lover you did so without hesitation. Feeling the bed dip and the new familiar feeling of her tip at your entrance you rocked your hips back to have her slide back into you.

This only earned you a hard spank to the ass, “did I say you could move slut”

you grinned and made a loud moaning and whimpering noise. “ But you feel so good mistress”

[isuckatwritingsobenice]

CHNDIFJD IM BACK BESTIE!!!

and I’m here requesting more atrocities regarding Toradeen and smut 💀❤️.

Ok so I’ve been absolutely dying for a fic like this

Basically. Toralei and Clawdeen get into some argument. This is when they’re still in high school. (G3 obvi). And like before their friends or anything. They’re arguing, and Clawdeen basically has enough of her attitude and they start making out and Toralei is all flustered and Clawdeen ends up fuckinh her against the lockers. (Theirs no one there but part of the fun is the idea someone could easily walk in and see toralei getting absolutely demolished against the lockers. And it surprises Toralei jsur how much that turns her on). She’s very surprised she’s going along with it and also totally mortified she’s so aroused by Clawdeen topping her.

Here I even have screenshots of me ranting about it to friends

OH AND SHE HAS THE BIGGEST DAMN MOMMY KINK EVER. Begging, DEFINITE OVERSTIMULATION. Manhandling. Rough treatment for the win!!!! Toralei absolutely gets off on being humiliated which embarrassed her even further cause she didn’t even know thag till Clawdeens literally ducking her against the lockers (definite clothed sex. Clawdeen has a random ass strap on)

A/N: you really pulled out the screenshots, 👏 i commend you. I had to draft this a few times to get one I really liked so this took a little longer than I liked but 🤌 there is nothing this writer can’t do. I mentioned in another post I didn’t watch the first or second live action MH movie, so these are little based off of Wikipedias breakdowns of the movie😭, so if things seem a bit out of place that is most definitely why. I also decided to make this songfic just because this song truly fits these two.

Warnings: girl x girl, NSFW under the cut, characters are aged up (18), dacryphilia, Songfic!, lyrics are in bold, exhibitionism, mommy kink mid-way through, hints at humiliation

Navigation!! // Masterlist!!

STRANGERS

She doesn't kiss me on the mouth anymore

'Cause it's more intimate, than she thinks we should get

She doesn't look me in the eyes anymore

Too scared of what she'll see, somebody holdin' me

“Why can’t you just hear me out? Things don’t have to be like this Toralei.” Clawdeen said, trying to reason with her. Toralei continued her pace down the corridor, trying to do anything but be apart of this conversation any longer.

“What’s there to hear if it’s all pointless?” Toralei quipped back, her pace quickening.

“You’re not even giving me a chance.” Clawdeen said, catching up to her, putting a hand on her shoulder to turn her around. Toralei stops with a huff, crossing her arms.

“It’s a waste of time. This is a waste of time, you-“ Toralei is cut off. Clawdeen pulls her close, hands on her cheeks bringing her into a kiss. Toralei wishes she didn’t enjoy it so much. This was wrong, right?

When I wake up all alone

And I'm thinking of your skin

I remember, I remember what you told me

“We should be doing this.” Toralei says between kisses, back flush against the lockers.

“Why are you so worried about what we shouldn’t be doing?” Clawdeen asks, brows furrowed, a frown pulling at her lips. “Why don’t you worry about what you want?” Clawdeen asks, leaning closer, their lips barely brushing against each other. “Is this what you want?” Clawdeen whispers, barely being heard by Toralei.

Her head is spinning, her feelings are a mess. She knows they shouldn’t be doing this, here of all places where anyone could see them. But she also knows this is what she wants. But could she really give herself that?

“Toralei,” Clawdeen reminds, eyes searching Toralei’s for something, anything. “Is this what you want?” Clawdeen asks again. Toralei remains quiet, instead choosing to close the distance between them, thinking yes.

Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

We're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

“You really want to do it here?” Clawdeen asks breathlessly, Toralei whining at the loss of contact as Clawdeen pulls away. Toralei nods, sexually frustrated at the loss of contact. Her jacket was off and on the floor, Clawdeens as well.

“I don’t care, I just need you.” Toralei says, pulling Clawdeen into another kiss. Despite the cool metal against her back, Toralei’d body was on fire. The weight of the situation had long subsided, the frustration and need lingering in her was more important, something she needed to take care of. Clawdeen moved her hands down her waist, honing her fingers through the belt loops, pulling Toralei closer, grinding into her. Her legs parted, allowing Clawdeen to slide between them, getting closer. “Clawdeen~ oh-!” She moaned, hands finding purchase on her shoulders. Clawdeen grinned, kissed going down to her neck, moving to leave light bite marks on her collarbone.

“Don’t be too loud now.” Clawdeen says, flipping her skirt up, revealing her obviously wet panties, sticking to her.

She doesn't call me on the phone any more

She's never listening, she says it's innocent

She doesn't let me have control any more

I must've crossed a line, I must've lost my mind

It had felt like forever to Toralei, face mushed against the lockers. The cool metal did nothing to erase the blush dusting her cheeks, nails nimbly gripping onto the locker for some sort of support. Clawdeen had now had her skirt flipped up for what felt like hours, but was really only minutes and to Clawdeen, just the beginning.

“Clawdeen please,” Toralei panted, knees growing weak from the stimulation. “Just let me, j-just let me cum already.” Toralei pleaded. Clawdeen grins, reveling in the way Toralei moans when she hits a particular spot that has her slipping further away from reality.

“Why should I?” Clawdeen asked, leaning closer to whisper in Toralei’s ear. “You should be ashamed, what kind of slut likes being fucked against a locker?” Clawdeen asks, and Toralei only whines in response. “You like this don’t you? The thought of someone seeing us.” Clawdeen asks, thumb moving to circle her clit through her panties. Toralei’s back arches into her, desperate for more, more contact, more anything. “C’mon, say it, you know you like this.” Clawdeen said, picking up her pace.

“I do! Ugh I do! Clawdeen I’m-!” Toralei cuts off, a loud moan ripping from her throat. Clawdeen just smiles, pressing a kiss to her cheek, a contrast to her assault under Toralei’s skirt, the tip of Clawdeens strap, which Toralei hadn’t even realized she had on, kissing her cervix perfectly, her eyes practically rolling back into her skull.

When I wake up all alone

And I'm thinking of your skin

I remember, I remember what you told me

“je suis si proche!” Toralei says, and though Clawdeen has no idea what she’s saying, she takes it as a good sign, the sounds coming from where the two are connected getting more vile as Clawdeen keeps up her pace.

“You gonna cum? Gonna be a good girl for mommy?” Clawdeen whispers, laughing when Toralei lets out a high pitched whine, gripping onto the locker for dear life as she cums, the strap coating in a light ring of cum as Clawdeen keeps up her face.

“What a dirty girl. Getting off in public, must be nice huh? Being able to get fucked so good against some stupid lockers?” Clawdeen asks, her hips snapping faster despite Toralei’s orgasm washing over her.

“Clawdeen, I- I can’t anymore,” Toralei says, moaning at a particular hard thrust. Clawdeen clicks her tounge in annoyance, holding onto the back of her neck to stabilize herself, hips jutting into Toralei’s, focused on giving her another orgasm.

“I’m amused you think out of the two of us you’re in control here.” Clawdeen says, hipping snapping forward again.

Said that we're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

We're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

Toralei had never felt more tired in her life. She had also never had that many orgasms in a row before. Toralei was tear faced, back against the cold locker now, hips painfully being pushed into the cold metal almost as if she was trying to become one with it. Clawdeen was having her fun, pushing Toralei to the limit as ‘revenge’ for their argument earlier.

“Please, Clawdeen- I-“ Toralei stuttered. She had been babbling nonsense for so long neither one of them knew what she was begging for anymore.

“Too much for you?” Clawdeen asked with fake sympathy. Toralei nodded, mascara staining her cheeks, eyes squeezed shut as she felt another orgasm hitting her. Clawdeen just laughed, gripping her hips and pulling her closer to meet her thrusts.

“You can take it, you can do it.” Clawdeen said, the sound of skin slapping making Toralei hide her face with her forearm. “No no no,” Clawdeen said, reaching up to pull her arm away. “Focus on me.”

I miss the mornings with you laying in my bed

I miss the memories replaying in my head

I miss the thought of a forever, you and me

But all you're missing is my body, oh

“This is a one time thing,” Toralei huffed, straightening her skirt and brushing the hair out of her face, despite the sweat sticking to her.

“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” Clawdeen winked. Toralei felt her cheeks heat up.

Said we're not lovers

'Cause we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

We're not lovers, we're just strangers

With the same damn hunger

To be touched, to be loved, to feel anything at all

[bcofl0ve]

Why are you a fan of Austin? Not a snarky question. Just what made you become a fan and why are you one still? Just curious.

when i saw elvis 2022 i was very…getting onto the outs with the law & order svu fandom which i was in for 5+ years. will always hold a place in my heart for the show and that cast and i still keep in touch with some buddies from the fandom but it just got. insufferable. if you think austin fandom is dramatic, it is nothing in comparison lol. ship heavy fandoms that have been around for 20+ years are the wild fucking west. *esp* with chris meloni coming back after a 7+ year hiatus.

and then just as i was seeing elvis a 2nd and 3rd time (both pre making my bcofl0ve twitter) the writing started to appear on the wall that kelli giddish, my fav on that show, was leaving (she ended up being essentially being unfairly fired by dick wolf, even with mariska harigtay trying to fight for her to stay!). deciding to ‘god im so dune with svu’ bite the bullet and make a twitter for elvis/austin was my ticket out of that mess and def part of why i latched on as hard as i did.

what really drew me to austin specifically though was just who he appeared to be as a person. while i did like the svu cast, speaking generally i was very burnt out from the arts industry as a whole. i ran like a bat out of hell from the theatre world bc the abuse-reckoning of 2021, which included my own groomer, fully opened my eyes to how far people will go to protect abusers.

and i will say till i’m blue in the face that theatre is worse than hollywood about that kind of thing . but tldr i fell out of love with theatre bc of being an angry, constantly triggered grooming victim, got burned out of the tv show fandom i was in for a long time bc of mess…and here comes this genuinely kind hearted, humble, caring (and pretty!) actor that seems to have Something a lot of people in entertainment, in my experience, don’t.

i 1000% credit for him for my finding true enjoyment in the arts again re: falling in love with film. and that’s my ‘thing i’d say if i ever met him’ bc it truly does mean the world to me. <3 i even teared up a little typing that!

[deus-ex-mona]

Sister⇔Change!: Chapter 6

monamonologue

previous part (chapter 5)

next part (chapter 7)

Yujiro: Are you okay? You still seem to be a little tired…

Aizo: It kinda seems like you’re still acting out your role from your previous drama, huh.

Mona (in Sena’s body): Y-yeah. I sure am~. Ahaha~.

Mona (in Sena’s body): I may have been stressing out about my role a little too much, but I’m all okay now.

Yujiro: I’m glad to hear that. Good luck with the filming for your drama.

Mona (in Sena’s body): Yup! I’m truly thankful to you guys!

Mona (in Sena’s body): (...I really hate thanking those guys, though. But it’s just as Yujiro said…) 

Mona (in Sena’s body): (I act as “mona” really often… so I know what it feels like to act.)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (I don’t want to disappoint all my adoring fans, as well as the people around me who support me and offer me jobs—)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (So I try to conceal all my negative feelings.)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (Even that’s a form of acting too. I want others to see all my good points after all.)

Mona (in Sena’s body): I get the feeling that I’ll be able to act out my role now…!

Mona (in Sena’s body): (I’ve just got to turn things around with the power of my own abilities, yeah!)

Senior Actor: “Just how do you feel about me?”

Mona (in Sena’s body): (I’ve got to think of him like… how I think of all my fans. Like he’s my special someone…)

Mona (in Sena’s body): “I love you, I really do…!”

Senior Actor: “Eh…?”

Mona (in Sena’s body): “Please return my feelings… I’m not a good girl, and there are things that I just can’t do, but…”

Mona (in Sena’s body): “I’ll do my very best to become as cute as I possibly can, just for you, so…”

Senior Actor: !

Director: Okay, stop! You missed your line back there. Are you alright?

Senior Actor: I-I’m sorry… My heart just skipped a beat, so…

Director: Haha. Well, I guess it can’t be helped, since such a cute girl had said such a line with such an amazingly great expression on her face, after all.

Mona (in Sena’s body): (H-huh…? Did I mess up again?)

Director: That was really good, Sena! It was completely different from before!

Mona (in Sena’s body): Eh?! You mean it?!

Director: Your professionalism has really shone through~. You can do it if you try, hm?

Actress: Yup, you were super cute!

Senior Actor: So you were just really nervous earlier, weren’t you? I’m so sorry for not realising it back then.

Mona (in Sena’s body): No need to apologise. I’m really sorry too…!

Senior Actor: This drama will definitely be a success, so let’s do our best together.

Mona (in Sena’s body): Yeah!

Director: Haha, it’s really heartening to see such a great mood in here. I’ll have to give it my all too, huh?

Mona (in Sena’s body): (To think that they’ve given me such a vastly different assessment compared to the one from a few minutes ago…)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (All of them are so kind and amiable… Ah!)

Mona: Plus, there are tons of comments! Are they all from her fans?

Mona: (“Do your best, Sena.”, “I’m so excited for the drama!”, “You’re as super cute as always.”, “I’ll definitely watch the drama.”... huh.)

Mona: (They are all supportive messages from her fans… I’m nothing like her, even though we’re sisters…)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (So the reason why everyone roots for Big Sis is because they recognise her efforts for her hard work…)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (Big Sis, you always hide the great hardships you face behind your smiles, don’t you?)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (You probably resolved yourself to never whine and show your weak points in front of me, so I knew nothing of it.)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (Is that because you’re trying to play the role of my beloved “Big Sis”, just for me?)

​​Mona (in Sena’s body): (I’m so sorry for everything up till now.)

Mona (in Sena’s body): (I’ll try to become a more reliable little sister who will make you proud, okay?!)

Director: Alright, let’s move on, yeah?

Director: The next scene is the one that’s the most emotionally moving for our protagonist—.

[ruminate88]

We Both Loved Him

My biggest issue with my ex, Andrew, is we both loved him and there was no one to love me… not even me, sadly. I put Andrew’s needs before my own. He got me attached after his love-bombing and bread-crumbing. I never knew such things existed back then. I only knew there was a ton of “fog” between us but couldn’t seem to make sense of any of it. I was majorly obsessed with Andrew and when we weren’t texting, I was day dreaming of him and re-reading our old text and staring at pictures I had saved from Snapchat and Instagram! I was sick and Andrew was my drug!!! 🤒

After v-day of 2015, when Andrew first started to seem really cold towards me, I had a very bad feeling he was lying to me and cheating on me too but I was afraid to accept what my gut was telling me. Andrew now had me in what I believe to be the “devaluation phase” which lasted for a couple months!! He was still doing intermittent reinforcement too! At random times, Andrew would be super hot towards me and romantic but then turn around and ignore me for hours which eventually turned into days!! Sometimes I wouldn’t hear from him for 2/3 days, I would be sitting next to my phone crying and confused but then he would always randomly text me again with “Hey Babe 😘” and my heart would leap for joy!! I would always always text him back so excited but question what’s going on and he always had excuses to “how busy school is” and “how hard he’s studying.” Andrew would cry to me his parents were so strict and he was afraid to fail his classes….

Especially on weekends, I was most vulnerable. Most Friday nights he was at the fraternity house partying and would Snapchat me from there at like 3am with “hey” no emojis, nothing else just a selfie of him alone and I would wonder where was everyone else, why was he sitting alone at a party and why was he hiding me??? I would respond back to his snap but THEN he wouldn’t respond back again till later next day in the afternoon and tell me how tired he is…. I would try to understand hm and not push him because he had me walking on eggshells, afraid to push him away but I was starting to get fed up with waiting on him. I kept asking myself if he’s truly so “busy with school” and he still had 2 more years left, would I be able to handle it?

Eventually I started sending Andrew big long text, expressing my feelings about how I’m always waiting to get to talk to him and spend time but he’s seemingly so busy all the time. He cried to me every time how hard school was and how he didn’t think he was able to pass his classes and was worried to upset his parents. He made me feel sorry for him but he was also hurting me so much by constantly ignoring me and then randomly would show me attention and would be romantic when I least expected. He would always tell me he was sorry he was so busy that he was going to try to change and do better by me… NOTHING changed though. I would even ask him if he just wanted “to be friends only” so he could focus on school since he was “sooooo busy” but Andrew would always tell me I was his priority and he did not want to break up!! One day he had a snow day at school and I only knew it because he tweeted it… I was disappointed he hadn’t texted me back from the evening before. I waited and waited so beside myself THEN he randomly sent me a Snapchat of himself naked in his shower saying “hey babe, sorry I have been studying all day.” I tried to believe him and I was so excited he not only messaged me but sent me a nude too. Andrew also sent me another one and said “I missed you soooooo much!! I really wish you were here! I need a break from studying!” I thought we were gonna talk and cyber sex but then he took hours again to respond…. Clearly he was messing with me but I just didn’t understand it all.

One Sunday morning he text me that “he was going to be in a study group and not be on his phone” and was trying to tell me basically he needed to be away from me a few hours BUT the way he worded it, I thought for sure he was trying to say he needed space…. I freaked out because he had me attached, terrified to lose him and the way he was always ignoring me anyway, I just assumed he wanted space from me. I ended up sending him 2 and 3 long paragraphs about how I feel, how I fear he doesn’t love me and he’s too busy for me. I’m basically spilling my guts out to him, begging him for reasons to the rhyme. NOTHING was adding up to me or changing!! Andrew finally wrote back to me and said he was not trying to break up with me, he just wanted space while he was in his study group and told me I was his still his priority and he still didn’t want to break up HOWEVER, it really felt to me that he did. I felt he was not into me anymore like he was before V-day but I couldn’t quite explain it.

It got worse from there. Andrew’s responses to me got shorter, less, it was extremely hard to get him to spend any time talking to me and his snaps got less too. Still he would randomly turn around and be romantic again and cyber sex with me. At this point, I was really becoming drained because I felt all I did was sit tied to my phone waiting and praying for him to text me and then when he would, I was worried about what to say back. I was trying anything and everything to keep him interested in me but it was just too late!! He had been pulling away (which is what a narcissist does after love bomb) and nothing I could do to stop him!! I began to Google my brains out over him, trying to get answers. I had the horrible gut feeling that Andrew was cheating. I felt there was other girls involved but I couldn’t be for sure.

Then it was time for his exams and that’s all he talked about. He would cry to me he’s gotta study, so I would tell him to focus on it and that we could just be friends. That would upset him and he would say to me he doesn’t wanna do that but why can’t I accept how busy he is and basically just sit and wait … ? I would tell him I missed him and just wanted to be with him that I loved him and didn’t understand why that’s so bad but I would tell him I didn’t like how stressed he was to basically not dump all his stress on me and if he was too busy for me, dump me please. Don’t keep me hanging constantly but he would get more and more upset at me, typing in caps to me, saying he can’t help it that he’s not trying to purposely put his stress on me just that he’s afraid to fail his exams. He would try to make me feel bad and guilty and wanted me to be too nervous to break up with him because he would get extremely defensive towards me but yet wouldn’t have conversation with me, kept saying how he had to focus on studying for his exams. It was becoming too confusing for me and I was close to breaking down with him!! Nothing positive I said helped him and it didn’t matter how much I poured out my feelings for him, he was just upset all the time. Upset when I bothered him and upset if I tried to break up. I remember going back and forth with him one night he was telling me it was going to be a bad week at school that he doesn’t have time for anything outside of studying and homework and I begged him to spare me. Begged him to break up with me so he could free himself and he just got so defensive and wouldn’t apologize to me for the way he was making me feel so bad about myself BUT said he wasn’t trying to give me all his stress, basically said he didn’t know how to deal with his stress. I tried so hard to be loving and understanding but I felt he just wasn’t accepting my help. Just treating me like “you don’t understand how hard college is” type deal.

I googled him like mad crazy trying to get answers. I had found his mom’s Facebook too and had been stalking it because she had so many baby pictures of Andrew AND I was trying to understand who Andrew was. His mom appeared normal to me at the time and the family photos she posted seemed normal too!! I was beyond worried and confused who Andrew was and what was his intentions!! I finally confessed to him one night that I found his mom’s Facebook, that I had been looking at his baby pictures AND HE FREAKED OUT! I was so shocked. He told me I had no business looking at her Facebook and that I was not allowed to add her as a friend!!!!!! I told Andrew that I didn’t even use Facebook, I was only looking at it for fun. He then said it was ok BUT told me he was not ready for “all that”. Even though I’m supposed to be his girlfriend and he doesn’t ever wanna break up, yet I’m not allowed to view his moms Facebook?? It was weird… Worse, I could sense he was still upset about it and I APOLOGIZED FOR IT!!! (How stupid was I???) Andrew told me that it was ok but that I scared him over it all but he wasn’t upset even though he freaked out towards me and promised me everything was fine. It didn’t feel fine though, he felt ice cold to me and I wasn’t sure how long I could last. It felt like he was making the relationship miserable. 🥺

I had been crying to my online friends how much I worried Andrew was lying to me and cheating on me but I wouldn’t leave him. Andrew consistently promised me he didn’t wanna break up that everything was going to get better but it never did and I found myself on the edge. One of my friends from Seattle, named Bri, kept saying I shouldn’t trust him and I should know for sure if he’s cheating. She even said she would text him for me to find out the truth but I asked her please don’t do that to let me figure it all out myself. Naturally Bri went against my wishes and started texting Andrew behind my back trying to get answers for me. She ended up texting him off and on for A WHOLE MONTH behind my back and I had no idea about it. I was completely in the dark.

next came the “discard phase” and it was super messy and brutal 😢 It will be hard to talk about in my next post because it makes no sense and it’s super hurtful but it’s part of my story!!

[seventven]

friendly assistance (i)

summary: busy on a mission in riga, latvia, y/n finds it difficult to get her job done due to john walker’s complete lack of professionalism. determined to get the new cap to back off, y/n enlists the help of bucky to show him just how uninterested she is in his shameless attempts to hit on her.

pairing: tfatws!bucky x reader

word count: 1.7k

warnings: nothing smutty yet; some light swearing; this feels hella domestic somehow. 

a/n: i wrote this bc i couldn’t stop thinking about making out with bucky on zemo’s riga safehouse couch

NEXT PART / MASTERLIST

Everyone knew that John Walker was a pain in the ass. Bucky didn’t like him for obvious reasons, Sam wasn’t a fan of his stinking attitude and Zemo... well, Zemo couldn’t care less about whether John was there or not. Whilst their problems with the new Cap were personal, the issues Y/N had with the guy were strictly professional and arguably, he annoyed her more than he annoyed even Bucky.

The thing was, they had a job to do. A pretty damn important job; the success of which depended heavily on Y/N’s ability to focus. She had a big role to play and she was determined to do it right, but with John Walker around she couldn’t even get five minutes of work done without him somehow interrupting her.

It started off innocent. Despite everyone’s immediate negative reactions to the new Captain America, Y/N actually tried to be friendly with him at first. She offered her support should he require it in his new role, she laughed at his jokes and even gave him her number. She was civil; nothing more, nothing less. But when everyone else showed very little warmth, John came to the conclusion that Y/N’s unusual kindness had to mean she was into him. It was cocky college kid behaviour at its finest, and when he shamelessly began to flirt with her, then harass her with text messages and finally make truly awful comments about how hot she was, Y/N quickly lost any motivation to be cordial towards him.

He was annoying; he was unprofessional, and Y/N was sick of his shit. 

“What’s with the grumpiness?” Sam asked one morning when she rolled out of bed and into the kitchen, later than usual. She was wearing nothing but an old oversized t-shirt, her feet clad in a pair of fuzzy socks and her hair was a wild mess on top of her head. 

She rubbed her eyes sleepily and opened one of the cabinets, pulling out a mug and filling it to the brim with black coffee.

“I didn’t get to sleep till late. Someone kept me up till 3am, trying to hit on me over text again.” 

Sam chuckled, taking a sip of his own steaming drink. He was sitting at the island, his laptop in front of him, a half finished bowl of cereal next to it. 

“Let me guess... Walker again?”

Y/N only sighed, nodding her head in confirmation. “He’s relentless. I keep telling him I’m not interested but he’s just so determined! It’s driving me nuts.”

Bucky laughed from where he was relaxing on Zemo’s plush L-shaped sofa, his head resting on a cushion as he read the newspaper. He lifted his head to look at Y/N. “I’m surprised the guy hasn’t been charged with sexual harassment yet.”

Y/N rolled her eyes. “It’s not funny, Bucky.”

The brunette pushed himself up to stand and gave her a solemn look as he made his way over. “I’m not trying to be funny. I’m being serious.” He came to a stop in front of her, leaning against the counter next to Sam. “The guy’s a creep. I know crazy when I see it.”

“Either way...” Y/N began again, holding her cup of coffee to her lips and blowing on it to cool it down. “... I told him I’m not interested a million times by now. He just won’t accept no for an answer. It’s like he cannot fathom the idea of someone not wanting to have sex with him.”

Bucky gave her a sympathetic look, then smirked before responding. “I know a few dudes like that.” He nodded towards Sam who immediately shot him back an offended look.

“Excuse me, Bucky, but have you seen me? Who wouldn’t want to have sex with me?” He joked and Y/N couldn’t help but laugh, shaking her head at their antics.

“You guys are so immature,” she commented, feeling better already. Their company always managed to lift her spirits, their childish antics amusing in every way. She loved them both. John Walker... not so much.

Bucky sighed, then stepped closer and enveloped her in a warm, friendly hug. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it, her cup of coffee still in her hand. “On a more serious note, are you okay?” He asked worriedly, rocking her from side to side. Bucky gave the most amazing hugs and Y/N couldn’t help but melt dreamily in his embrace, feeling safe and protected.

“Yeah, I’m fine, Buck. He’s just intolerable.”

Bucky retreated slowly, keeping his flesh hand on her shoulder and giving her another one of his solemn looks. “Say the word and he's dead,” he told her, and Y/N knew it was a promise. “I’ll have no issues wiping that stupid smirk from his face.”

She smiled at him gratefully and took a gulp of her coffee. “Let’s not resort to murder just yet,” she giggled. “I just need to convince him that I’m not into him, somehow.”

Suddenly, Zemo was strolling into the kitchen, hair wet, body clad in a deep blue bathrobe. He offered a friendly greeting, shooting Y/N a knowing look as he made his way over.

“Troubles with Walker again?” He asked, and Y/N only nodded. Zemo knew about her issues with the guy, being the first to notice how uncomfortable he made her. Zemo, in spite of not having the best relationship with neither Sam nor Bucky, had quickly become something of a friend to Y/N. That is, if friendship could be built on nothing but sound life advice.

“It seems he’s getting out of control,” Sam added, shutting his laptop and leaning back in his chair. “Y/N says he’s basically harassing her with texts.”

Zemo’s eyes drifted to where Y/N was standing and he offered her a sympathetic smile. “Have you considered my idea?”

Y/N only shrugged and when both Bucky and Sam raised their brows expectantly, the younger girl felt compelled to fill them in.

“Zemo thinks the best way to make John understand I’m not interested in him is to show him I’m into someone else.”

The Baron decided to elaborate on his cunning idea, turning his eyes to the two guys in front of him. “Men like John Walker have very little regard for boundaries and tend to be more inclined to respect the property of another man than a rejection from a woman.” He looked towards her apologetically. “I’m not implying here that you’re an object to be owned. Rather that our dearest John’s IQ is impossibly low.”

Sam, hating to admit that Zemo was right, furrowed his brows and sighed. “He might be onto something.”

Y/N knew that Sam wasn’t wrong. 

Nine times out of ten, Zemo’s cunning and his scheming brought about favourable results. Y/N just didn’t really know who she could convince to help her carry out this plan. It wasn’t like she had time to find herself a date; she had a job to do.

“Of course, Y/N’s beau needs to pose a threat to John’s position. She can’t just show up with some weakling and expect Walker to back off. We need an alpha male if we want this to work.”

Bucky snorted. “Where did you learn all this scheming?”

Zemo smiled, sending Barnes a look that said he wasn’t like to share his secrets so easily. He shrugged his shoulders, feigning innocence. “I had a lot of time to read before you busted me out of prison.”

Sam rolled his eyes. “What exactly are you suggesting, man? Get to the point.”

Zemo grabbed the French press from the island and filled a mug for himself, reaching over and offering Y/N a refill. She accepted it gladly.

“Well, I think it’s pretty simple,” he began. “Bucky as her beau, of course. It’s the most believable option and God knows he’s ready to murder for her, if needs be. Just look at that fire in his eyes.”

Y/N looked towards Bucky who appeared beyond annoyed with Zemo’s antics.

“I believe that’s not fire but rather a desire to snap your neck,” Sam interjected.

“Whatever it is, James has what it takes,” Zemo explained. “And either way, it wouldn’t cost them very much. They’re already suspiciously affectionate for people who claim to be just friends. Not to mention we all know James sneaks into her bedroom almost every night. I don’t think anyone believes you’re just there to play cards.”

Y/N’s cheeks flushed. Nothing ever happened in her room. The thing was, Y/N didn’t like to sleep alone when she was away from home and most nights, Bucky couldn’t sleep at all. Both of them got something out of the arrangement; Y/N got to snuggle into someone warm and Bucky felt relaxed by her little snores, the soft sounds often helping lull him to sleep. That was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

Zemo continued, but there was a knowing smirk across his stupid face. “All you have to do it dial it up a notch. Maybe a little touching here, a flirty look there... John isn’t smart enough to question it. It will be a piece of cake.”

Y/N snorted. “I don’t think that’s such a great idea.”

She looked towards Bucky, waiting for him to back her up on this. She was fully expecting him to shudder at the thought of fake flirting with her. After all, they had been friends for years and despite their close connection, things between them had always been strictly platonic. He saw her as nothing more than a close friend and someone who would occasionally let him sleep in their bed. However, when Y/N’s eyes scanned his face, the expression she got was not the one she was expecting.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders, honestly contemplating the idea. She couldn’t believe it. “I mean...” he began, sounding unsure but thoughtful. “As much as I hate to admit it, Zemo might be right. This might be the only way to get him to back off.”

Sam laughed aloud. “Wait, you’re actually going to go ahead with this crazy ass plan?”

Bucky shrugged again. “If it gets him to finally leave Y/N alone, I think it’s worth a try.”

Sam was still laughing, shaking his head in disbelief. He looked from Bucky to Y/N, then back to Bucky again. He pressed his cup of coffee to his lips. “Sure, cause helping Y/N is the only reason you’re volunteering to do this. No other reason at all.”

Zemo clapped Sam on the back. “I believe we should give the new love birds some time alone. Come walk with me, Sam.”

-

READ PART II HERE

[itjazzbicch]

No Brainer

Pairing:  MJF x Fem Reader Summary: Based this fic off a prompt I saw online:

"You may have walked her home, but I'm the reason why she was walking funny." Warnings: SMUT! (18+ ONLY!) (Rough sex, unprotected sex, choking, slight degradtion, swearing) Requested by: No one (But I hope you all enjoy!) Word Count: 3428 Tag List: @demonqueen29 @peachy-satan00 @new-zealand-chic  @crowleysqueenofhell @unoficialy-married-to-ace-austin @thatpanpal @hungmanhorsecarriage @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @linziland13 @xxx-jazz-xxx @writtingrose @whenimakeitshine1234 I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF: 

“I’m so glad that you could come out tonight,” Brian smiled bright, a pretty smile on his face, but my eyes couldn’t help but look over his shoulder. When I accepted his invitation to come out with some friends tonight, this was the last thing I expected to happen. Don’t get me wrong, Brian was truly a nice guy but there was another man in my life who always caught my attention, my eyes unable to look away when MJF walked through the door. It always fascinated me how even in a crowded place, our gazes locked and Max, he could never control his facial expressions, clearly not a fan of Brian being next to me. I quickly played it off, smiling to Brian: “Couldn’t pass up the opportunity.” The atmosphere changed all around me and no matter what I tried to do, who I talked to, my eyes kept drifting and landing right on Max. I was afraid that it was a little too obvious, but I couldn’t control it, grabbing my drink and taking a bigger sip of it, feeling my phone vibrate: [Him? Really?] Of course, Max wouldn’t make it any easier, straight up texting me and making his disapproval known. If that wasn’t enough, when I glanced over the crowd in the club, it was easy to spot Max, looking up front his phone, not trying to make direct eye contact, but I knew he was watching. When I turned, I noticed Brian was chatting with the group of friends that tagged along, looking to my phone to see another text: [How much longer are you gonna stay over there with those losers?] Max had me down to my last straw already, having me turn to Brian, patting his hand: “Hey, I’m gonna run to the ladies room.” “Alright,” He smiled, “I’ll be right here when you come back.” Whenever I stood up, looking in Max’s direction, it was like he read my mind and headed toward the bathrooms. It was a good thing I actually didn’t have to go, the line was ridiculously long and as soon as I turned the corner, out of everyone’s sight, I felt someone take my hand. I instantly squealed when Max took my hand, pulling me into his arms and pulled me into a room, tongue about down my throat when he kissed me into the closing door. “You dressed up all sexy for me?” He kissed, biting my lower lip with his hands sliding up my dress. “I didn’t even know you’d be here,” I chuckled, “But now that you are-“ “Don’t you lie,” He interrupted, feeling all over my ass and taking two handfuls. “You only dress up like this for me.” “Maybe you were on my mind when I was picking out my outfit,” I toyed, rolling my tongue into our kiss then humming at the feeling of his fingers between my thighs, teasing my already soaked cunt. “Must have been with you being this wet already,” He loved, teasing some more and I dished that right back, grinding against his bulge: “Don’t act like I don’t get you worked up easy. You’re as hard as a rock right now.” “Just for that,” He growled, pulling my panties to the side then freeing his cock from his pants, “I’m going to return you to those loser in a complete mess.” “You think you’re going to mess me up?” “Think?” He snickered, turning me around, pressing my head into the door, growling in my ear, “I will.” “Won’t believe it till-“ I tried to snap back, but whined hard at his cock splitting me wide, needing to reposition myself because of my heels, back arching slightly when my hips couldn’t help but roll back toward him. “Aww, you wanna throw it back for me?” His hand planted firm on my ass, perking up with a moan at the feeling, rocking back to see what it would earn me, turning my head to smile: “You know you enjoy the view every time.” My jaw dropped when he yanked my head back by the roots of my hair, spanking me into a rough thrust, feeding me every inch of his cock and slamming right into my sweet spot. “And you just enjoy being a dirty little bitch, huh?” He spat, making sure I’d respond with moans rather than words, sweet spot being pummeled so hard that I started to slip in my heels. I slapped the door hard when I was yanked back into place by hair, the burn in my legs creating uncontrollable jerks, the tightness in

my core making my back arch harder, biting my lip and blurting out: “F-F-Fucking christ, Max!” “You thought I was playing when I said I was going to mess you up?” He pressed against the door, pulling my head back further to kiss me hard, bites along my jaw up to my ear, hips pinned to my ass and reverting back his beastly roughness and speed, “Hope you have fun trying to walk in those heels when I’m done.” “Max, just-“ I nearly cried, the coil in my core so tight I was ready to hunch over, but his cock kept fucking me straight into the door. “Max just, what?” He mocked, handle traveling around to my throat, his other finding my clit and rolling it between two fingers, having me whining even harder and louder, body trying to curl from the overloaded nerves and his cock thrust me up again. “Just make me cum already, fuck!” I cried, the burning nerves pushing me to a few tears, now on spaghetti legs. “What are you waiting for?” A groan rumbled in his chest, full force in his hips, having me scream when I felt all of his cock go up and smack my cervix, “Am I not fucking you good enough, huh?!” “You are! I’m cuming, Max! Oh dear go-“ The air in my lungs was stolen from me, eyes shut tight and seeing flashing lights and drunk off the feeling of cuming so hard, thighs soaked, whole body covered in goosebumps and quivering. There were chuckles in his pants, looking in the corner of my eye to find his sinful smirk, admiring the mess he made of me, till our attention was diverted to the noise of vibrating. I had put my phone in my bra, pulling it out to see Brian messaging me. “That fucking loser,” Max’s eyes rolled with annoyance, mine no better when I sighed: “Looks like you and I have to split for the night.” “Only thing split here is you,” He joked, spanking me softly. That did earn a small laugh from me, trying to hide the struggle of standing when I fixed my panties and dress, fixing my hair down with my hands, learning how much of a mess I truly was. “When that loser’s finally gone,” Max kissed on my cheek, “You’ll know where to find me.” Max went ahead and walked out then my turn came and it was a challenge. My legs were shaking so bad, feet aching from standing in heels and taking that round like I did, fighting through whines, aches, I was nearly panting by the time I made it back to my group with Brian. “Hey you good?” Brian turned to find me, obviously curious as to what took me so long. “That line in the ladies room was insane,” I huffed, sitting for a moment, having to ignore the slight ache between my thighs “My feet are killing me from these heels.” “Just sit for a bit and relax them,” Brian tried to comfort me, but the longer I sat there, the more it felt like my body was going to break down on me. “I really hate to do this, but I’m not feeling so hot. I think I’m going to head home,” I sighed, looking at the time and getting ready to stand till Brian placed his hand on top of mine: “You walked here so let me walk you back. It’s getting late and I don’t want you going alone.” I did appreciate his kindness, but I was trying to get away from him! Something in me couldn’t turn it down, nodding to him and quickly standing up to get out of there. The walk back to my townhouse wasn’t a long one, but it felt like the longest walk I’ve ever taken. Walking slow didn’t help, a quicker pace made it worse, the shaking was still so bad and hard to hide; I even stumbled a little. “Man those heels did a number on you, huh?” Brian noticed, chuckling a little when he wrapped his arm around my shoulder, keeping me close and still. “Heels can be either your best friend or your worst enemy,” I laughed trying to play it all off, Brian even laughing along: “Seems like they’re your enemy tonight.” The sight of my front door was the biggest relief, heading up the few stairs to put the key in: “Thank you for walking me back home, Brian. I appreciate it.” “Never a problem,” He smiled, taking the first two steps, “You go ahead and take care of yourself and get some sleep.” My heart stopped in my chest when I

noticed his body language, a kiss heading my way, but I quickly moved my head and kissed his cheek just to deny a full blown kiss the best I could, quietly cooing: “Goodnight, Brian.” I tried to make it look casual, but I about bolted into my house, back against the door when I locked it, taking a few deep breaths and feeling my phone again. [You left? Surprised you even made it out tbh] Max was always such a smart ass and with my anxious racing heart, I simply replied: [Fuck you, Max] [Um, already did. That’s why you couldn’t walk] [I can’t with you] I got a small kick from his comeback, but I was ready to call it a night. Thankful that I had the night and a whole day to rest till it was time for Rampage. ---- When it was time for Rampage, I had only talked to Max a few times during that free day, Brian not even crossing my mind really. I had a big match up and I was focused on that more than anything. I’d been dying to get my hands on Leyla Hirsch and on Rampage, I got exactly what I wanted and then some. Right after picking up the victory, I hadn’t felt so good, but needing a drink. So, I swung past catering while heading backstage, taking a water and a small snack, ready to head to the locker room till I heard: “Y/N! You killed it out there!” Brian had the brightest smile on his face and came over to hug me. I didn’t mind giving him a small hug, in disbelief when I noticed I was caught in the same situation. Max walked right in when my head was over Brian’s shoulder and when our eyes clicked, he was not happy. Max could always play it off like nothing, but I could just see it in his eyes. I had never gotten so nervous when Brian looked back to see what I was staring at, Max head turning in a flash but Brian noticed. My heart was pounding, the tension between them rising because it was quite obvious that they didn’t like one another. Max could feel Brian staring and Brian could just tell Max was looking in our direction. “Is there are problem here?” Max scoffed, hand on his hip after fixing his scarf, “I know you’re staring at me.” “You know, I noticed the same thing at the club,” Brian pointed out and my heart instantly dropped, frozen in time when Brian walked right up to Max, “You are just always eyeballing her, but let me break you the bad news, Maxy. An amazing girl like Y/N would never fall for you.” Brian had a different idea in mind, but Max was ready to break even more devastating news, laughing at Brian: “Oh yeah? Let me tell you something Bry-guy-“ No one never knew what slick comment would comment would come out of Max’s mouth but every knew it was going to be something rude and brutal, his words more brutal than anything when Max got right in Brian’s face and smirked: “You may have walked her home that night, but I’m the reason why she was walking funny.” I was sure my jaw was on the floor. I had never seen Brian so pissed, going nose to nose with Max: “The nerve of your rude ass.” All the guys in catering began to split them up and of course, Max had to add to it: “Wanna see the messages? I’ve been tapping that ass for a minute, jabroni!”  With Brian’s back turned, I left. Shock wasn’t the word to describe how I was feeling. Before anyone could notice or spot me, I slipped into my locker room so I could freak out in peace; that piece not lasting very long with knocking on my door shortly after. “I can’t believe that you just said that,” I gasped when I found Max and he found it hysterical: “Did you see his face?! Fucking funny as hell!” He truly found it hilarious, walking laughing and I wanted to be mad, but I couldn’t. Something so contagious about Max that made my innocence disappear. My silence appeared to be concerning, Max turning to me and sighing: “Okay, you’re upset? Go on, tell me how I shouldn’t have done that, how-“ He was too quick to assume that I was upset and was stunned when I cooed: “What is it about you that drives me crazy?” I took him by the face, kissing him hard and his body took a moment to respond, but he melted right in, smiling and

chuckling: “Giving you all that dick has you wanting me more hm?” “Mhm,” I hummed, kissing him more, “And I won’t lie, I’m happy that you got him to fuck off.” That made him laugh a little, voice growing a bit deep when he kissed: “He’s just mad because I’m the one fucking you.” “Don’t want it to be anyone else,” I kissed back and like always, giving into my temptations, “Want to piss him off more? I’m sure he’ll come around so lets give him something to hear.” “If you want me to fuck your brains out again, that’s all you have to say,” He toyed, needing to be fired up a little more, so that’s exactly what I did. I got to return the favor from the night at the club, pushing him up against the door, kiss full of tongue, knee rising between his thighs and nuzzling his bulge, biting his lower lip: “You know, one of these days you’re going to be the one who gets messed up.” “Is that right?” He laughed, taking my bottoms by the sides and raising them up even higher to reveal my ass, spanking me hard and growling, “Better watch who you’re talking to like that.” “Awe does that make you feel less manly or something?” I kept messing with, “What are you going to do about it?” “I see what you’re doing,” He pointed out, then shrugging his shoulder, “I’m still going to put you in your place.” I squealed at another strong spank, being pulled to the couch by my bottoms, Max basically ripping them off of me then throwing me to the couch: “Hope you have extra gear.” He always found a way to make it all about himself and his dominance, my top being ripped off, the wind from his body chilly, making my nipples harden and I was ready to drool while watch him strip out of his suit. “Look at you,” Max breathed deep, hand latching around my throat with a grip, “Don’t even have anything to-“ “Thought you were going to fuck my brains out? Not talk,” I whispered, smiling when he squeezed harder, eyes already rolling when his cocked slammed right into me, balls deep and hitting my deepest point. I wanted to moan, but his grip wouldn’t allow me to properly, air stuck in my chest and making me a bit light headed. “You want your brains fucked out, huh?” He growled, grip not loosening even while quickening his hips, cock bottoming me out every other thrust, “Gonna rearrange your insides while I’m at it!” “M-Max,” I got out with a raspy moan, a smile still on my face when my eyes closed, taking the time to enjoy the pleasure meanwhile my lightheadedness grew, but he wanted me to feel every bit, letting go and hold me by the jaw and chin. “Can’t handle a little roughness, Y/N?” He laughed, but bit his lip and worked even harder when I shook my head, sinfully moaning: “That’s how I like it, baby! That’s how I fucking like it!” “And for some reason, I give you what you want,” His head shook with a chuckle, hips still thrusting and rolling quicker than ever, not second thoughts of slowing down, only wanting more when we both felt my walls tighten around him like a glove, pulsating along with my body trying to curl. “Fuck me up, again Max! I’m soooo c-close,” I about choked, hips beginning to buckle and jerk, words trying to form just for them to end up being wicked moans and babbles, unable to think with so much pleasure taking over my being. “I don’t know,” He teased, slowing down just a little, “I haven’t forgotten about those smart ass comments of yours.” “You’re one to talk!” I whined, “Please, Max! I know you can feel it.” “You’re so fucking lucky I like that feeling,” He huffed, reverting back to his fast pace, making it more wicked than before, a few of those thrusts sending me spiraling and twirling me undone. My hands shot up to grab the back of the couch, back arching hard, gushing all around him and making me whine sharply: “Max, oh my god aah!” “Got fuc-“ He began, biting his lip hard, having to pull out quick and shooting all over my chest, still laughing at me despite his panting, cock sliding between my breasts when my body went limp, sliding off the couch a little. “Oh no,” He played, “Think I actually did

fuck your brains out!” I didn’t even bother to play along, nodding my head seriously, “I’m sure no one on this earth can fuck me that damn good.” “Well duh,” He scoffed playfully, leaning down to kiss me, “It’s a no brainer.”

[gojosgigi]

‘till the end of my days and beyond.

i know i messed up, baby. i know.

part two to hurt.

warnings: foul language, mentions of death, mentions of the reader being an above average heighted person, yet shorter than gojo. that’s about all, i think.

a/n: i really, really hope you like it. lots of love, g. xx

a big, big thank you to @astralwaifu , my beautiful, amazing bro-wife. love you. 🤍

satoru pulls the shirt on his shoulders, buttoning it. he looked at his reflection in the mirror. for the first time, he was actually scared to know what was on the other side of the door. metaphorically speaking, of course. in reality, on the other side of the door were his students, calling for him to rush it up and open the door.

“in a minute!”

“you said that 12 minutes ago!” he hears the dark eyed boy reply.

he walked over, finishing buttoning-up his shirt. he opens the door only to find the three of them with their ears pressed to the wall next to his door.

he clears his throat, catching their attention.

the three flinch at the sudden noise, before acting cool and breezy, as if they weren’t just trying to eavesdrop.

“oh, hey, sensei. didn’t see you there. how’s it going?” yuji leans towards the wall.

“how’s it going? well, let’s see. the whole last week without her has been absolute shit. i’m anxious if she’ll even agree to talk to me and when i get there and whenever i feel anxious, i go to y/n, which i can’t do, which only makes me even more anxious. so, it’s going pretty great, yeah.”

megumi sighs, “everything’s going to be alright, gojo.” he puts his hand on satoru’s shoulder.

satoru gives him a soft smile.

sucking in a harsh breath, satoru brings up a shaky hand to knock on the door.

this already felt unnatural. satoru never knocked on y/n’s door, he just barged in.

after a few moments, which seemed to last forever, y/n opened the door.

she looked beautiful as ever. her hair done perfectly, her lips shaded in that same gorgeous deep red colour he loved so much, cheekily claimed that “it tasted better.” a hoop earning adorning her left ear, indicating that she’d been getting ready and was interrupted by the bell. the pretty red dress hugging her curves rather perfectly.

her pretty eyes widened at the sight of him. “h-hello.”

“hi.” he gave her a sad smile. “hope i’m not disturbing something.”

“n-no, no.” she realises that she hasn’t invited him to come in yet, and quickly moves aside, “please, come on in.”

he hesitantly takes a step in, removing his shoes by the door.

“how’ve you been?” she tried to start some sort of conversation to lighten the tension.

it was never like this with y/n and satoru. they usually always had something to talk about, or giggle together because of. even if the two were just sitting in silence, it was never so— tense.

after all, the two weren’t exactly ‘y/n and satoru’ anymore. a team, is what they were. partners in crime, “besties in love, who fuck.” as says the almost 30 year old man. they were that one couple everyone wanted to be. and people tried, even. the two often found other people trying to joke around like the couple, copy the little things they did, places they went. but what y/n and satoru had—and somewhere in both their hearts— still do, isn’t exactly something that you could just copy, or be.

it is something that can only be found, not something that could be forced. it was something only y/n and satoru knew how it truly felt. whether it was how she completed him, or how he always knew how to put a smile on her face. it wasn’t something that was explainable in words. it was precious.

and when satoru decided to give up on something so precious, so easily, it broke y/n.

she started to question whether she was the only one who felt it, whether he even loved her. and if he truly did, how could he let go of it all?

did he really not love her? y/n wanted to believe that was not true, but the way things were seemed to tell her otherwise.

“no. ‘m miserable.” he took his bottom lip between his teeth. “i’m sorry, y/n-chan. i really am. i didn’t mean what i said. i never want to be away from you, i don’t ever want to let you go.”

y/n felt her heart ache at the sight of him. her beautiful, bubbly, grinning satoru was no where to be seen. it was just this deeply heartbroken man, with pain vivid in his eyes.

“well, then why did you? why’d you let go, satoru? you didn’t even fight for it. do you really not love me? ” her eyes getting glossy.

his eyes widened at her words. his heart breaking all over again at the thought of her thinking that he didn’t love her.

he steps forward, filling in the gap between the two

lightly cupping her cheeks, titling her face upwards to meet his gaze.

“not love you? what do you mean not love you? i love you with everything that i have, y/n.” he takes her hand in his free hand, putting it on his chest, “this heart, this heart belongs to only and only y/n y/l/n. the woman who taught me what love is, the woman who took care of me and bared with me even in my worst moments, the woman who always there with me through thick and thin, the woman who makes me the happiest man in the world.” he clears his throat as an attempt to help the crack in his voice.

he wipes the tears that slipped from her eyes with his thumb. “i know i messed up, baby. i know, and if i could go back in time, i would kick that gojo in the nuts for saying what he said.” she chuckles lightly, tears welling up her eyes. a smile made its way up to his lips at the sound of her laugh. “how i feel for you, it terrifies me. i’ve never felt so strongly towards someone in my life, hell, i hadn’t even ever been in a real relationship before you, and i guess the thought of loosing that made me get all defensive and put up this- this act. act that i don’t need you anymore, act that i’d be okay without you. without my y/n.”

“this heart, y/n. it isn’t the same without you. i’m not the same without you. i love you, y/n. i can’t say that i’ll always be perfect, i’m a mess. can’t even say that i’ll be here forever,” her bottom lip trembles, chin scrunching up, a new set of tears slipping down her cheeks at the thought of his death. she shakes her head, as a silent way to tell him not to say that. “but i can promise you that i love you, and that i’ll always love you. ‘till the end of my days, and beyond.”

“this past week has been the worst.” she nods, agreeing. “and if there’s anything i’ve learned from the duration of it, is that how dependent my happiness and overall will to live is on a person who’s like a foot shorter than me.” he chuckles, a small tear sliding down his cheek.

she closes her eyes momentarily.

her hand reaching up to hold the wrist of his hand that was still resting on her cheek, “i’m not that short. i’m an above-average heighted person. anyone would look short compared to a tower of a person.”

his lips curl into a smile at hearing her say those words, for what is the billionth time.

satoru always loved teasing her about her height.

he lets go her cheek to wrap his arms around her waist, her feet leaving the floor.

she wraps her arms around his neck, almost as a reflex. chuckling at how tightly he’s holding onto her.

“i’ve missed you so much, y/n-chan. you have no idea.”

“i missed you too, baby.”

taking in her comforting scent, gojo felt as he could finally breathe again. his darling was in his arms, he couldn’t be happier.

he finally puts her down.

looking her in the eyes, sighing in content, he says, “you are the most beautiful woman i’ve ever seen in my life.”

“oh please. i have only one earring on and my mascara is probably messed up from all that crying.”

he rolls his eyes, pressing his lips onto her’s, stopping her from saying any more mean things about the woman he loves.

after pulling away from what is one of the most passionate kisses the two have shared, he wipes the sides of his lips with his pointer finger and thumb, rather teasingly. getting the red tint on his fingers.

“see? i told you, y/n-chan. it just tastes better.”

tag list: @aeanya , @somearenotonlybooks , @sailewhoremoon , @dumbwaystodie , @lolimveryhungryrn , @vk1alberich , @lailah101 <3

[biderboy]

angel, why me? / jegulus

a/n: i’m so sorry this is horrifying it’s a mess

word count : 3136

warnings : indication of abuse/violence , indication of sex, cheating

you tell your side of the story like, i can't read in between the lines, and pick out every lie. 

james touched his left ear when he lied, it was something regulus had picked up on when they were young. when all the lies james ever told where small, non lethal. when he’d tell sirius he had detention, when he was really meeting regulus at the astronomy tower. when he told his professors he had no idea who painted the slytherin common room red and gold. 

he had that habit his whole life, regulus figured out, one morning over coffee with Euphemia, even when he was just a child. “he has never grown out of it” she said, sipping her coffee. “i reckon he never will.” 

she was right, even at 20, james still fiddled with his left ear, telling tales of highschool to his new friends, ones who weren’t aware of the entire other world they lived amongst. friends he had to lie to, had to tell he was on the football team, or how he learned to drive at 16, when he still couldn't manage to at 20. 

and james’ hand was right next to his left ear now, spilling beautiful lies to regulus own ears. his smile bright and trustworthy as he recalled spending the night with peter and remus, how they had stayed in, watched some muggle movie james told him about a few weeks ago. 

he was telling regulus he was ridiculous, thinking he had been out on a night like last, how he had plans for weeks. he fiddled with his ear as he told regulus there was no reason for him to believe barty when he told him he saw james with lily evans last night. 

he had sounded so sincere, so full of confidence. but his hand was on his ear, and reglus knew that was the moment his heart broke. 

what i really wanna know, what made you a hero

the fight after that had been horrifying, the words were ripped from throats, the pain seeped deep into open wounds that will never close again. they were biting and clawing at each others souls in hopes that breaking a bit more would make them fit back together again. 

but james was always strong willed, he had a hero complex, he could fix things. he was good, he would fix what was broken, he would make it right. but in his eyes, regulus was what was broken, and he didn’t believe he was the one who broke him. 

“just let me help regulus, just let me fix this” he screamed, hands shaking and breath unsteady.

“youre the one who ruined it james.” 

how james thought he had the right to try and fix him, try to heal him, when regulus wasn’t broken, when regulus was trying so hard to get him to see that they're whats broken, was beyond him. but james was never one to listen, was never one to admit when he wasnt able to help. 

the fight went on for hours, till voices were sore, eyes were red, and they were left more lost than they were when they started. too similar to a story of a broken hero.

when did you become an angel, when’d you grow a pair of wings

regulus could still remember the first time he felt his heart flutter around james, could still remember the smile that grew across his face, the unfamiliar feeling of something he never had the privilege of doing. 

he could remember how it felt, truly seeing him for the first time, its as if he took a breath for the very first time. as if his soul was finally letting light in, after years of being dusty and dim. he could feel in his every being that the boy in front of him, with curly hair and a dimpled smile, the boy whose hands were a bit too big and whose eyes held shades of golden, was an angel.

it didn’t take him long to fall in love, he was young and james had the prettiest laugh hed ever heard. james, who listened to him when he spoke. who held his hand with no ounce of shame, who kissed him softly and loved him gently for the first time in his life. 

he could remember it all, the first kiss, the first time james wiped his tears and traced his freckles, the first time they ran from their responsibilities, the first time they hid, the first time they lied. 

he couldn't remember when it broke. 

he couldn't remember when james wings had turned from snow white to dark, dim black. 

he couldn't remember when the halo above his head slowly broke, couldn’t remember when his soul no longer shone golden, when his eyes no longer held the love they once did. 

he could remember when james was an angel, he couldn’t remember when he forgot the devil was an angel too.

tell me where'd you get the privilege of forgetting everything 

james didn’t look at him like he used to. when they were younger, full of life and ready to tear the world apart for one another,

james didn’t press his fingertips against his eyelids anymore, didn’t kiss the freckles dusted over his nose. he didn’t smile shyly when telling regulus he was pretty, didn’t run his hands over his ribs when he went to hug him. james no longer linked their ankles together as they slept, nor did he whisper stories about the stars when no one else was listening. 

james never held regulus hand anymore, not the way they did on late nights, rushing down the corridors, smiling into each others necks and laughing far too loud for the dead of night, 

he didn’t pick flowers just to lay them in regulus’ hair, when they were 17 and too in love for the war around them, barely able to keep the happiness from seeping out of their lungs as they sat and watched the sun rise.

james didn’t ask for his hand anymore, like he did when they moved in, when they didn’t have a couch or plates, only an old record machine regulus stole from home, and far too many muggle records. when all they needed was each other as they spun around for hours on simply the sound of their own heartbeats. 

james used to look at him like the angels crafted him themselves, used to have such light in his eyes, as if regulus was the sole reason he was breathing and feeling on his own, as if there was nothing he could love more in the world.

he doesn’t look at him like that anymore. 

as if james had forgotten who they used to be, who they are still supposed to be. james looked at him like he was a stranger living in the body of a boy he used to know.

the promises you broke and burned

under the eyes of the stars that would never utter a word to another soul, promises were once made, in the depth of night, in empty hallways, under covers, standing pressed against windows or laying across overgrown grass.

the first promise, too young to think of what was said, sad eyes meeting truthful ones. james had held his hand out, a smile on his face.

“i promise to be your friend forever.”

two years later, when regulus was broken and bruised, left with nothing more than he could carry in his hands. shaking, wondering if anything was truly worth what people said it was. james was there. 

a cup of tea, a blanket he claimed he never stole, and a smile too bright for the 14 year old boy infront of him. 

“it’ll be okay reggie, i promise.”

when sirius had left, and regulus was alone in a manor that had never been home. when every curse thrown his way held pain he could no longer handle, when his bones were weak and his soul ached for something he no longer thought he deserved. 

when he was too young to feel that way, but too old to cry in his mothers arms and ask for forgiveness. when he lost faith in the people he had once called family, when he was truly alone. 

 “you’ll never be alone again, i swear.”

when james kissed him under the dark clouds, in a muggle town far away enough from the world they lived in to be cautious. when he held his hand with no care, when he smiled and pulled him through cafes and stores, telling tales of love and light.

when he pushed a paper ring on his finger, softly twirling him under the moonlit alley, pressing kisses to anywhere he could, basking in the simple existence of his lover. 

when regulus laughed like a child, when he let himself be spun and loved in all the right ways. when he was too in love to think of anything else. when he kissed james back, again and again and again until they sun was starting to come up and the town was waking up.

“i’ll love you until the last star in the sky disappears.”

somedays i think you convinced yourself, that i'm the one that's in need of help, its like youre self compelled 

some fights were harder than the others, when the clock kept ticking and the sun was already down, and the neighbors were already asleep. 

the fights when their voices were no louder than a whisper, when there was no lingering, no pain, just the tired sighs and the shaking hands. 

the fights where james would never admit he was wrong, when he would point a finger and hope it landed on anyone but himself, when he took to telling regulus he was done, he was over it. 

the nights where james would leave the house too late for the roads to be blocked, too late for sirius to allow him inside, but having an extra key anyways. the nights regulus couldn’t look himself in the mirror because for the life of him, he couldn’t even miss his lover despite him not being there. 

the mornings after when james would come home, gentle words and gentle hands, as if one wrong move would break regulus anymore than he did the night before. 

when james would pretend he hadn't spent the night crying, when he would say he was fine and his hands were shaking as he dropped the plate onto the floor. when he couldn't look regulus in the eye, but pushed himself into his arms to seek comfort anyways, 

the fights where james acted like he never got hurt, but was always the one left feeling more than regulus ever thought he could.

but we both know that that isn't true, that i would never betray you 

the first time they broke was when regulus was 18, and james was holding onto his wrist, yelling accusations at him like he was the same level of filth as his parents were.

when sirius and remus were just across the hall, pretending they didn’t hear their best friend breaking, or their little brother begging him to listen. 

regulus had never felt more numb than he had in that moment, had never felt his heart stop in the way it did that day. 

when james eyes were full of tears, and hatred. A look he had never seen directed at him before. 

when the pain in his wrist became unbearable, when the lies that spilled off james tongue where too much to listen to.

when regulus ripped himself from his loves grip, when he pulled his own sleeve up, throat raw and eyes red from the tears leaking onto his cheeks. screaming back at james face, pointing to the blank skin on both his arms, letting the truth seep into his lovers head.

“i would never betray you.”

but the damage was done, james having believed he could, believed he would. james had thought, and believed that regulus would give up his life, his love, to become the same thing he feared. 

You did this all yourself 

regulus figured it was his own fault. 

falling in love had always been warned as a weakness, as a threat. something that would end up hurting you, no matter how tightly you held on, no matter how hard you tried. 

he saw the first crack, he felt the pain of each fight, of every empty glance. he knew the concerned looks sirius sent him when james wasn't looking, he heard the words remus whispered in his ears as he broke down again and again.

but he held on, he fought. he loved james and he wasnt going to let a crack, or simple pain, take that away from him. he loved james, it was engraved in his very being. who was he, if he didnt love james potter? he didn’t want to find out, he refused to let himself.

so he stayed.

even when his heart felt like it was no longer there, even when james lied while looking in his eyes. even when james no longer kissed him like he once did. despite the soul crushing and earth shattering realization of james maybe not loving him anymore.

regulus stayed.

he had no one else to blame for it, he could have seen it from a mile away, should have. 

could you please enlighten me, what is this truth you see, and does it involve the part where you ruined love for me 

james saw it before him.

james had wanted to be let go, he had wanted something else, he had fallen out of love long before regulus saw it in his eyes. 

regulus didn’t get it, he thought they were fine, he thought they were okay. he didn’t see whatever it was james saw, months before he did something about it.

he wished he did, wished that james would have talked to him, wish he could have done something, anything. wished he knew if it was because of who he was, or who he used to be. 

wish james told him before falling in love with someone else. 

before james ripped his heart out with his bare hands, and watched as it fell to the floor. before james took what little light he gave regulus’ soul, and burned it out. 

wished he would have seen it before.

before he let himself believe love was good, before he let his hands be held and his veins filled with gold. before he completely engrossed himself with the feeling of loving and being loved in return. 

before, when he still believed love to be hurtful and morbid, wished he let himself continue to think that.

don't you dare forget all the things you did, all the memories we had to miss 

regulus was 20. 

when they had fallen in love, he was 16. four years of promises and plans, of love learned and given and cherished. 

years of love ahead of them, the same love that was written in every letter james’ parents ever wrote to each other. the same love in his mothers cooking, and his fathers garden. the same love they tried so desperately to show regulus was real. 

the kind of love written in the universe, when two souls were meant to spend time and energy on each other because they were simply made from the same star. 

regulus and james had that.

they had years ahead of them, ones that were supposed to be filled with children's laughter and the smell of the sea right on their noses.

they had talked about it, when they were younger, and star crossed souls filled with promises. 

had planned of a house, not too big, just like the one james had grown up in. one by the seaside, where regulus could take their son swimming and where james could teach him the stars. 

had planned to bring his parents out there, to show them they learned to love too. show them the handmade recipe book they started when they were 17. the pictures and stories they've collected along the way, gently displayed in their home in ways regulus never had been able to.

had planned of a dog, one the kids could run and play with, one that could go on hikes with remus and mess up the kitchen with james.

they talked of vacations and family, of owning their own coffee shop, of bringing love to all the people who couldn't get it anywhere else. 

they had a future, they had earned it, they had loved for it. 

threw it all away just for a kiss

when he kissed her, his eyes were closed. 

there was a smile on his face too, barty had told him. it wasn't just a peck, or something regulus could consider a drunken mistake.

it was something james enjoyed, it was something he wanted. something he longed for. something he used to ache to have with regulus. 

a kiss, a real one. again and again, until he was grabbing her wrist and pulling her up the stairs. until hours later, when the sun rose and he snuck out, with ruffled hair and a blissed look on his face. 

until he came home, and changed his clothes. until regulus woke up and smiled, until he went to kiss his own lover and couldn’t.

if it was just a kiss, maybe regulus would have ignored that too. 

but it wasn't just a kiss, and they both knew it. 

tell me was it worth it? 

james no longer lied to him. 

his eyes weren’t empty, but they were not filled with love. they were dim, guilt ridden, broken. 

his boxes were packed, pressed against the far wall of the dining room. his hands no longer shook when he went to bed, his throat was no longer sore, they never yelled anymore. they were tired.

in just a night, years of loving and being loved were broken and stored away. 

regulus did not want to think of his lover anymore, but it still hurt too much to ignore. because even with james no longer sleeping next to him, even with his years of love no longer on the walls. he was still there.

the house was still full of him, his heart was still aching, his soul still searching for its other half. he wonders often if james felt that too, wonders if he hurts as much as regulus does when he wakes up.

“was it worth it?” he whispered once, and james took a shaky breath. 

“no.”

but what is broken is broken, and the devil is a pretty liar. 

angel, can you tell me just one thing? why me?

[admiringlove]

hurtful things

+synopsis: genshin boys and the hurtful things they said.

+genre: angst; headcanons.

+characters: kaeya; diluc; childe; zhongli.

+warnings: swearing; crying; implied panic attack.

+order: hey bubs! i saw you doing requests and i HAD to ask for genshin angst :) spare me some tears pls <//3 preferably w kaeya or diluc or childe :) [submitted by @crackheadsara​]

+author’s note: okay so i included zhongli bc he’s the love of my life, also i needed comfort from him after writing such hurtful things :D

+navigation: main menu, genshin menu.

— KAEYA.

“i’m better off without you.”

you know from the way your door was knocked in the middle of the night on a weekday after months, that it’s kaeya. you rub your eyes sleepily, trudging towards the door as anger and doubt fuse into a nasty green in your mind. 

you unlock the door, pulling it open to see the man with the eyepatch tapping his foot on the deck of your home impatiently. he smirks when his eye lands on you, attempting to walk in but stopping himself when he realizes you're standing at the door, unmoving. 

"kaeya, it's three in the morning. and it's monday. i have to report to jean in three hours," you mumble tiredly as you look up at him. the lamp grass by your windowsill outside and the moonlit night accentuated his cerulean eyes and contrasting coffee-colored skin. he frowns, peering down at you as he asks, "may i come in?"

you shrug, opening the door wide as you let the man in. he places his sword on the table and proceeds to walk into the bedroom when you ask, "where have you been for the past two weeks?"

"work," his reply is the same. you let out a sigh in impatience as you retort, "that's the same excuse as always."

he was tired and wanted to sleep off the fatigue from his latest mission. but when he hears you say that, something in him snaps and he turns around, his jaw clenched and a fixed glare making you a little agitated. he raises an eyebrow as he says, "well, unlike you, i am an actual important member of the knights of favonius."

"kaeya, all i meant was that you're always gone. you never write a letter back even if i send you one, and you somehow manage to come back every single time, expecting that it doesn't hurt me. what am i supposed to do?" your voice is small as you look down, hair drooping towards the ground. you're not even yelling at him, you're just worried. he always leaves you alone(sometimes you tag along, but you couldn't tell why nowadays he'd leave you alone without some sort of warning).

"does it ever occur to you that you're just a hindrance?" he bites back, thinking that you're trying to put up a front. you flinch at his words, causing him to force a jeer before he starts again, "you always come along, so maybe i wanted to be away from you for a bit. that's why i leave without a warning so i don't have to tend to your yapping all day. because i'm better off without you."

you gasp as you look up to his figure, now retreating to your shared bedroom. you hear him fall onto the bed with a content sigh as you stand there, wiping at your tears incessantly as hiccups escape your lips. you bit your tongue to stop yourself from crying, pressing a hand on your mouth to muffle the sounds so you don't disturb kaeya. you get a quick peek in, eyes widening when you see him sound asleep and tucked in. 

so that's how it was, you think. 

the next morning, kaeya wakes up to a cold bed as his arm reaches out to an empty space. his eyes immediately pry open as he wakes up, to see that you weren't here. 

ah, he ponders to himself, you must've gone to tend to your duties. 

he stretches, letting out a yawn before walking out to the kitchen. he smiles when he sees a plate of food left for him on the countertop with a note from you. but somehow, something felt very wrong about this whole ordeal. this had happened before—he had come back from insanely long missions to you before, so what felt different?

and then it hits him. the things he said last night. he frantically looks around, his azure eyes completely drowned in horror as he notices small changes in your shared household. a few picture frames are missing on the living room walls, your keychain isn't on the bookshelf anymore, and worst of all, when he runs into the closet, half of your clothes are gone. 

did you really feel that bad about what he said?

in panic, he runs out and keeps going till he reaches the headquarters of the knights. he barges in this time, not returning the greetings of the guards upfront as he walks into jean's office. 

"where are they?" he pants, "i-i messed up, do you know where they are?"

jean's eyes widen as she says, "our associates were having a hard time handling with the fatui in liyue harbor so they volunteered to go there for sometime."

"how long has it been?"

"they left long ago, it's about to be around ten hours since," she says. kaeya's heart shatters as he hears those words. he hadn't expected you to outright leave like that, but if you had said the same things to him, he definitely would've stormed out. his voice cracks as he looks at the ground in shame, "h-how long until they'll be back?"

"i.. don't know."

he regrets everything he's said. he truly does because he doesn't even notice that tears are streaming down his cheeks until jean comes to his aid. he hates himself for all of it—he hates that he has to live in a home where traces of you are visible everywhere; worst of all, he hates how he knows he lost you for good. even if you come back, he knows you wouldn’t run and melt into his arms like you did before. you’re gone now, fading into the darkness and away from him. 

maybe it was for the best.

— DILUC.

“you’re nothing but a burden.”

after taking on a few abyss mages and mitachurls, diluc lets a grunt out in pain before you see the slash on his right arm. you gasp, pulling him to the side of the lake as you pull out a bandage and cotton from your bag to clean his wounds. he's reluctant to it at first, but he sits there quietly and broods as you clean the blood with cotton and some type of healing ointment. 

you tie the bandage on his arm, a tiny bit of vermillion liquid seeping through the white cloth before sitting down next to him, finally catching a breath. sighing, you look up at him and say, "that was reckless."

"no, what you did was reckless. who told you to come along with me to dadaupa gorge? you knew what you were getting into when you came along, so don't put this on me," he grumbled, frowning as you look at him with narrowed eyes and furrowed brows. you are sort of hurt, but you know he's only saying this in faux indignation, so it's okay. you chuckle out, beginning, "diluc, i was-"

"i don't know why i even bother with you at this point," he exasperates, looking into the distance behind you. he curses slightly under his breath, his rouge eyes filled to the brim with anger as it finally overflows, "you're nothing but a burden."

your eyes suddenly flick to gape at him in disbelief. you stand up, your voice hitching in your throat as you ask, "diluc, you mean that?"

and it all simmers down into ashes when he mumbles "of course i do" under his breath. your vision is blurry as you walk away from the red-haired man, your body trembling as you almost give away that you're crying your eyes out. you walk back in the direction the two of you came from, leaving your broken heart in the hands of diluc, who sat by the lake not muttering a word after. 

he knows he's said things he doesn't mean; he does that all the time, but you probably knew that. he figures you're leaving to catch a breath of fresh air—to be away from the tension-filled environment for a bit, you had a habit of doing that at home. he sighs as he ponders over his words for a bit. he knew it was wrong to display such harshness to you, but you probably knew he didn't mean anything by it. he always bubbled over rash things when he was frustrated. 

the sun sets in front of him, painting hues of aubergine and peach as it flows down. he wonders where you are, getting up from his spot by the lake to venture towards the path you walked off. 

only when he can't find you, is when he thinks that you might've actually taken offense to his words. although he cares about you sincerely, he finishes his mission first, getting a lead on the abyss order—because protecting monstadt was his first priority. you lingered in his mind every second of every day till he finally got back home. and when he didn't find you there, he asks adelinde about it, who only shakes her head and tells him, "i'm sorry, master diluc, but i haven't seen them come back. i thought they were with you."

it all pieces together in his mind now, how a small gasp had escaped your lips when he had called you a burden. the way you nodded begrudgingly, getting up and walking away from his presence as your shoulders trembled. the way he could hear you choke back a sob, but still ignored it, thinking you had overreacted in the situation. 

he searches the whole city for you. he searches every nook and corner, and even walks into the headquarters of the knights of favonius(he ignores kaeya's teases instead of biting back this time). and when he finally sees you, he holds himself back. his hand is suspended awkwardly in the air as he reaches out for you, your back turned towards him. 

maybe this was better—maybe it was a good thing that you had walked away from him. this way, the abyss order won't be able to harm you. this way, he won't be able to harm you. this way, you'll be safe and sound, away from the storm known as diluc ragnvindr.

— CHILDE.

“it’s not like you mean anything to me.”

it's not often you see childe. he's always in liyue, and you're here, stuck in monstadt or snezhnaya. it's cold today(as it always is) in snezhnaya, the snow covered almost everything outside as you looked out of your window, sipping on hot coffee as you sigh at the wilting roses on the sill. they'd wilted when you had gone to monstadt and you didn't have the heart to plant new ones.

just thinking about the blue-eyed childish man would make your heart bloom and cheeks flustered. you longed to spend more time with him, really. if only he wasn't affiliated with the fatui, he'd be able to spend more time with you. it had been months since you had seen him, and you longed to be in his arms once again, but who knows when that'll happen again? whenever he comes home, he chooses to spend a night with you and then head back. he'd laugh alongside you, tell you about his adventures, and give small reactions when you told him about yours. and the next morning, you'd wake up to an empty bed with a small note by the table, saying how he has to leave for work.  

a knock at your door snaps you out of your entranced state. as you open the lock and look out, you see childe, standing there with a tired grin and disheveled hair as he walks in without a word. he hands you a small paper bag, saying, "i brought you back something from liyue this time."

the same excuse, you think. it's always the same. he brings back small mementos and souvenirs as a pretense for staying, and by the time you think you can forgive him, he's gone. he plops down onto the sofa, stretching his arm out so you could join him. the thought of confronting him crosses your mind, but you shake it off—since he had only just gotten back. 

the night is the same as always. talking about each others' adventures, eating dinner by the fireplace, laughing alongside one another until you hit the bed. it's quiet now as you watch over his sleeping figure, his lapis-colored eyes now hidden. you sigh as you lay there for hours on end, twiddling with his brown hair as you wait for him to wake up(so this time you can actually say goodbye). 

when his eyes flutter open, he's a little taken aback when he looks over at you to see you wide awake. his brows furrow just a smidge as he says, "you're up."

"well, i wanted to say goodbye this time," you chuckle dryly, "you always leave without waking me up."

"i don't like the way you said that," he says, getting up from his position on the bed. you look away from him, your eyes displaying hurt as you murmur, "i don't like the way you leave."

"well, it's my job. it's not like i'm an adventurer like you, wasting my time around. i'm a harbinger and i have responsibilities," he says. his voice is neither too soft and nor too prickly, and you can tell that he's a little worked up by the way he lightly nips on the skin of his bottom lip as his gaze bores into you. 

"i didn't say you don't. all i said was that you could maybe sometimes stay for more than one night. it feels like you're using me, and when you're bored, you leave."

"oh?" he cocks an eyebrow as he stands up, "i'm using you, huh?"

you grimace at the tone of his voice, and when you look at him, you notice the sheer annoyance he puts up towards you. your voice is small when you ask him if he loves you—because you don't know anymore. seeing him once in a few months for the past few years has sure hurt you more than anything, and if you don't tell him now, then you might never get a chance. 

"what if i say i don't?" he smirks, walking up to you, "it's not like you mean anything to me. what if i agree that i am using you to make myself happy until i'm bored, so i can then throw you away?"

he doesn't like what he's saying either. his mind is screaming at him to stop, but he's worked up. he's irritated by the way you jabbed at him first thing in the morning, even though he knows you're right. his heart almost stops when he looks at the expression on your face after he says those words, and as he reaches out his hand for you, you turn away. 

your voice cracks, and he's sure his heart did as well when you mumble, "i-i'd like you to leave, please."

"wait, i didn't mean-"

"tartaglia," your eyes look into his, perhaps for the last time, as you give him a sad smile, "you don't have to come back to me anymore."

it hurts him as he leaves your home that morning. it hurts him when he comes back months later to see that your home is now empty. it hurts him because he tarnished the you that was once his. 

it hurts him, but he thinks it's for the best if you stay away from him if all he does is bring you pain.

— ZHONGLI.

“i’d like you to leave me alone.”

zhongli was never one to pick fights. he was peaceful; his thoughts were positive(most of the time), and he almost always preferred to talk about his problem rather than fighting about it—he believes that fighting will only bring pain, so why not confide in one another about our problems instead?

he's quiet. he's not shy(it's quite the opposite, actually), but he's one to prefer to only talk when absolutely necessary. he's the type to listen rather than speak, saying something like, "we have two ears and one mouth. speak less than you listen."

he smiles when his mind goes back to the time when he said that to you while having a cup of tea together, and you'd replied, "my mother used to tell me that when i was a child."

because it's true; every child in liyue harbor has heard those words at least once in their lives. the quality of listening is appreciated more than the quality of speaking—and zhongli, for one, was a listener. 

you, on the other hand, were a speaker. you always woke him up every morning with a smile as bright and everlasting as the sun, babbling about breakfast and tea as he got up from the bed. you were the one that carried conversations on your shoulders on morning walks, you were the one that intertwined your fingers with his as the two of you walked amongst flowers, adoring them as you talked about the contrasting colors of silk flowers and glaze lilies. he loved you for that. he loved you because you were a speaker. he loved you because you were a perfect balance, the only one who could soften his hardened heart. the only one whom he'd chosen to wake up next to in the mornings, the only one whom he'd let ruffle his hair without asking(because he secretly liked it). 

so why had he reversed the roles tonight? why was he the one to bubble out his frustrations to you, speaking in a cold and stern manner instead of the loving tone that was only reserved for you? why was he the one to speak tonight, and why were you the one to listen?

it's not like he was actually frustrated—he was only thinking about something else as you asked him what he wanted for dinner. it surely wasn't your fault when he had poured over turbulent words to you. and he knows that the ones that hurt the most probably were, "i'd like you to leave me alone."

he looks up at the stars, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he walks back into his shared home with you. he looks around, and when there's no sign of you, he feels himself break apart even more. 

had you actually left? he wants to run to you and tell you he hadn't meant any of those words because he hadn't. he wants to touch you, to caress you, to please you, to make you smile—and he wants to admit he was wrong. he wants to make it right, but he doesn't know where you are. 

he walks into the empty bedroom, sitting on the cold mattress as his eyes sting. he doesn't understand what's happening, or why there are small drops of water falling from his eyes. he doesn't understand why everything feels heavy all of a sudden—his heart, his throat his lungs, everything. he doesn't understand why he feels like he's trapped in a box, and the water seems to be filling up more quickly than he'd prefer. he wants to reach for air, but he can't.

he couldn't breathe without you. 

he hears the door close and immediately gets up in haste to walk to the living room where he sees you take off your boots. you turn around to see him, his disheveled hair and frantic eyes finally calming as he walks over to you and engulfs you in a warm embrace. his throat cleared up, and so did his heart and lungs as he mumbles against your ear, "i'm so sorry."

you smile smally, looking up at him as you cup his cheeks and wipe a stray tear, and mutter, "it's okay, zhongli. stress gets to the best of us."

god, how he loves you. he places a small peck on the top of your forehead as he feels his lips turn upward at your touch and the scent of glaze lilies lingering over you tells him that you'd been to the flower garden. he sleeps with your fingers weaved with his that night and pulls you even closer if you untangle with him in sleep. 

he makes a promise to himself saying he'd never hurt you like that again, and he keeps it.

© all works belong to admiringlove on tumblr. plagiarism is strictly prohibited.

[harcove]

hiiiii! <33 i dont know if you are taking any requests but can you write a leon x reader in which the reader gets bitten? (i love drama lmaoo)

love uuuuuu<3333

Okay so I do have like a bunch of other stuff to finish in my inbox, but I tend to not do things in order of when I get them, I do them in the order of whatever I get done first (since I start them all whenever I get them and work on them over time) and whatever I'm getting the most inspiration for at the moment, and this baby right here: chefs kiss right now. I LOVE angst so much, it is my favourite thing to write.

Also I'm always open for requests! It's just a matter of when they get done, since like I said above, and also my final year of uni just started so oof. ALSO: Decided to do RE2 Leon oop... I hope that's okay!

I LOVE YOU TOO! Here you go bb,

Warnings: angst, blood/gore, injury, character death

Length: 2.8k (I- oop.)

Request: in the ask!

RE2 Leon Kennedy x Reader - Not you.

Your hand squeezed your thigh with as much strength as you could muster. It wasn't that it was hurting too much yet, you were still running off the shock and adrenaline from the events moments before that the pain hadn't yet settled. Dark blood oozed between your shaking fingers and coated your hand like you had just decided to dip your hand into a bucket of red paint. It was hardly sanitary considering the situation you were in, dirty and sweaty, having been going through the sewers earlier.

The undead man who had done the deed lay a few feet away with your survival knife Leon had given you stuck in his temple. You could see your own blood and flesh on his face, in his mouth. It was unnerving, and you usually wouldn't have noticed such a detail, except that it was your skin. Your blood. Your body.

You inched yourself towards the corpse and used the tip of your foot to make sure it wasn't still going to get back up. When it did nothing after a few pushes, you deemed it safe enough to take your knife back. With a few hard tugs, it dislodged itself with a squelch and you fell back against the wall behind you, exhausted.

The sudden sharp pain that run up your leg into your spine and made you arch your back for a moment as you stopped breathing forced you to pay attention to the wound on your leg. Hesitantly, you moved your shaking fingers away from the bite on your leg to take a peak.

There wasn't really a point to looking at it, you realized moments after you laid eyes on it. It wasn't going to fix anything, and there was nothing for you to assess. A bite was a bite, and you knew what it meant. Leon and you had seen what happened to Marvin. You yourself had seen a friend turn after being bit before you had gone to the RPD. So you knew.

The skin near the bite was incredibly hot to the touch, and even without touching it, you could feel the heat coming off your skin. Your jeans sported a hole where the bite was and you wondered if there was anything in your bag to cover it with. It was ugly to look at, and scary.

You let out of deep sigh as you closed your eyes. There wasn't much you could do but sit there. Leon was somewhere inside the NEST, and you were at the entrance. You weren't sure if you wanted Leon to find you dead or alive, but all you knew was that this was not something you nor him could fix.

It felt like hours had passed when Leon had shown up. But in reality, it had only been about half of an hour. Whatever was in the bite, whatever the virus really was, had done a number on you as you felt sweat bead at your forehead and slowly trickle down the side of your face. The furrow in your brow from the pain almost felt like it was permanent.

"Y/N!" He called out when he spotted you. He looked worse for wear, that was for sure. The way his shirt had been ripped on the sleeves, and the bandage you could see just beneath his shirt and RPD vest. He was caked in blood, sweat, and dirt too.

And yet he was a welcome sight for your tired eyes.

He quickly slid onto his knees and if you weren't in so much pain yourself, you would've winced at how harshly he landed on the hard floor, but it didn't seem like he was affected by it.

"I'm so glad I found you," he said breathily; he reminded you of a little puppy, and it made you want to squeeze him close to you, "what happened, what-"

Your hand squeezed your leg unconsciously and he looked down when you did so, his beautiful blue eyes resting on your bloodied hand and whatever you were covering up. His eyes looked back up to you almost hesitantly, asking to look. When a half-smile was your only response, he looked back down and focused on your leg.

His hands gently pried your fingers off your leg and he carefully let your hand go on your lap, giving them a squeeze.

"I'm..." he seemed at a loss for words, you would've been too, "I have to... Cut this away to see it better, okay? It's..."

Carefully he used his own survival knife to cut away at the pieces of your jeans, which were dyed deep red around the wound, so he could see it better. Your hand came up to his shoulder as he did so, peeling the bloody fabric away from it as much as he could without hurting you, and you squeezed his shoulder so tightly, fighting the urge to scream in pain. But he didn't seem to notice, or care, about the harsh grip you had on his shoulder.

"Oh. God..." it was said softly, almost as if he had no air left inside him to breathe, let alone speak.

"It's really ugly, I know," you tried to make the situation less dire, but it didn't seem to work, because Leon just looked at you with his big eyes, full of so many negative emotions.

"It's not..." even Leon didn't know what he was doing to say as he trailed off. He began searching through his pockets till he came up with a bottle of antiseptic that looked half empty.

"It's gonna be okay," he finally spoke again as he started to open the bottle, but your hand reached up and seized his own holding the open bottle above your leg.

"Don't use that," you pushed it closer to him and further from your leg, "you can't afford to waste that."

"I'm not wasting it."

You hadn't heard him sound so sure of his words, so... Angry. You hadn't known the boy long, but that was the first time you'd seen him react that way to anything. It made your push your lips together in a thin line, but you kept your hand on him, stopping him from using the antiseptic.

"I'm pretty sure we both know how this ends," you prompted slowly, "I don't think an antiseptic is going to fix it."

"The vaccine is here somewhere, it has to be," he stated firmly, "we just need to find it. It's going to be okay."

It wasn't that you didn't trust him, or that you didn't believe him. But how long was it going to take to find a vaccine? And how did you truly know you were going to find one? You didn't even know if it would work.

You didn't have much say when Leon moved to put your arm over his shoulder, and looked at you, counting to three before he helped you off the ground.

It worked initially: you had managed to stand up with the help of the rookie cop beside you, who kicked the zombie that had done the deed further from you two when you had gotten up. But it didn't last long, as pain shot through your leg and seemed to spread through your entire body. You could barely keep yourself upright even with his help, your body felt too weak to even function.

"Leon, I can't," you cried, falling back against the wall, "I can't."

"Damnit," Leon cursed under his breath, looking around him urgently before he left you against the wall to open a door across from the two of you.

He was missing for less than a minute when he came back out from the room and quickly came back to you. One of his arms reached under your legs while the other went to your back.

"I'm going to pick you up, okay?"

Ever the gentleman, even when you were definitely dying.

"My hero," you smiled softly but it came out as more of a grimace as he lifted you up like you weighed nothing.

You supposed training to be a police officer meant he wouldn't have trouble carrying fully grown human beings.

The room was dimly lit by a single lamp. There was a bed right across from the door, and a desk close to the door. Someone must've used this room as not just a study but a place to sleep. Like a bedroom.

Leon gently placed you on the bed in the room, being careful on how he placed you, and never taking his focus away from your leg.

"Okay," he breathed out pulling back, "I'm going to go find the vaccine. And then we're going to get out of here. Together."

It was a wonderful thought. It was the dream, right? For everything to be okay, for you to be fine, and for the two of you to get out of Raccoon city and away from this mess. Together.

And yet you knew it wasn't going to happen, you knew you weren't getting out of there. You knew you were dead. And it was a scary thought to have to face alone because you wanted so badly to live. To live with him.

He would've been out that door had you not reached your hand out and grabbed his hand as best you could, squeezing it as hard as you could.

"Don't," your voice cracked as you swallowed hard, the ache in your chest only growing when his pained expression met yours, "don't leave me. Leon..."

"But I need to..."

It was blatantly obvious to not only yourself but also to him that there wasn't anything he could do. Not anything he could do in time for you. He didn't even know what he'd be looking for exactly, but he'd go find it if he could. He'd do anything to help you. To save you, and keep you near, but there wasn't anything he could do. It was a cold hard truth, and one he so desperately wanted to avoid.

But he couldn't.

Not when he looked at you, and really looked. Not just second glances over your form and your leg that lasted seconds as his blue eyes frantically moved like they were trying to find something they couldn't. No, when he really stopped and stared at you, he couldn't avoid it.

Your skin was ashen and you were covered in a thin layer of sweat. Your eyes somehow looked like they had sunken in a bit, and looked dull compared to what they usually looked like. The way you breathed was alarming, it was shallow and sounded tiring, and then some moments it would speed up only to slow down moments later. You were in pain, and you were hardly there anymore.

"Y/N..." Leon's voice cracked, and you never thought you were going to see him cry. He held your hand back tightly and noted your fingertips felt cooler, "This isn't happening. Not to you."

"I should've paid more attention..." you said softly, "I don't... I don't want to die."

"I should've been here, I should've..." he exhaled through his nose, "damnit!"

"I'm not letting you blame yourself," you sternly interrupted him and squeezed his hand as best as you could, "not now. Not ever. None of this is your fault..."

Leon said nothing as he took to the ground beside the bed, kneeling right beside you. His face was close to your own as he leaned forward, his hand still holding your own tightly, which he brought up to your chest where your intertwined hands sat.

"Just..." you knew what you wanted to say but you didn't want to make the hurt worse, "just... promise you won't forget about me? And promise... Promise you're going to get out of here. Alive."

"I could never forget you," he said hurriedly as if he was offended you would have even thought he could forget you, "even if I wanted to, I could never..."

There was something there, between the two of you, that was trying to lay itself bare, but something was stopping it. There was something unsaid, simple words that were hard to say and had so much meaning, so much weight. But neither of you could say it.

If you did, not only would it be the first time, but also, the last time.

With your remaining strength you slipped a ring off your finger; it was an old thing, something that you had for a while and you didn't even remember why you got it or where you got it, but you always wore it just because. It had no sentimental meaning, but now it did as you pushed it into his hands. The look of confusion on his pained face made you smile slightly.

"So you always have a piece of me," you said, "and if you ever try to pawn that off I will come back and find you, Kennedy..."

His eyes trained themselves of the silver ring in his hands, it was so plain, just a band. But it was yours. It was you. It was all he could keep of you, he realized because this wasn't going to end with your life. Pocketing the ring, he took your hand again.

"I might just sell it then if you show up," he tried to make you smile, which it worked, but he also felt the need to reassure you, "I won't get rid of it. Ever."

"Good to know," you let go of his hand again and pulled out the gun in the holster that he had found for you in the station, inside was a round of ammo that you wouldn't need. Pulling out the ammo, save for one of the bullets, you gave him the rounds.

"What? What are you-"

"I'm not... Going to need this," you said, slightly out of breath from the pain you were in, "and I know they fit Matilda. But I'm keeping the gun, and one of the bullets."

It seemed to dawn on him what you meant by your final sentence and he frantically began to protest.

"Hey, wait, no," he shook his head, "no. I can... You don't have to... Let me."

It was the idea that you would have to shoot yourself that made him uncomfortable. The idea that you would need to take your own life upset him. But if you didn't want to turn into one of them, he would do it for you. He would... He...

"We both know you can't," you justified, "and I don't want you to. I could never ask you to. So, you go. You leave Leon, and you find that virus. You get out of here, and you live. You don't do anything stupid or reckless, and you make these bastards pay."

You were adamant, and you left absolutely no room for argument. Even if he wanted to argue, he couldn't. And he wanted to argue. But denial would get him killed, and you wanted him to live. And some part of him wanted to live for you.

"Alright," his voice didn't waver this time as he spoke, "Alright."

He placed his head against yours for a moment when he stood up and squeezed your hand a little tighter in his own when he grabbed it again. Softly, you placed a small kiss on the corner of his mouth and ushered him to leave. It felt like he was walking on hot coals the whole time as he walked out the door, he regretted it when he looked back at you at the door, like he was waiting for you to get up and go with him. It just made closing the door behind him a lot harder.

He hadn't really been keeping watch of the time since he arrived in the RPD. He didn't really realize how fast or how slow time was going. But at that moment, outside that door, he really felt the way time flowed. It was impossibly slow, agonizingly so, and it was deadly quiet. Something that happened in only moments felt like it had taken an eternity.

He was used to the sound of a gun by now. It didn't make him flinch anymore. But this time it did. It made his stomach clench and his jaw tighten, his body stiffens. He hated how it sounded more than he ever had before.

The piece of metal in his pocket weighed heavy as he ghosted his hand over it.

Leon was going to find who did this. He was going to make sure nothing like this ever happened again. But most of all, he was going to make them pay.