#I’m trying to keep that from happening by not prioritizing asks… I think the pressure gets to me

[inumbrapugnabimus-maybe]

Ok so I have come to the unhappy conclusion that I may not be able to answer every trick-or-treat ask :(

it’s been a very busy few weeks and it does not look like things are slowing down, so while I’m not going to stop entirely, I’m not going to focus on trick-or-treat asks anymore. Mainly so I don’t get burnt out!

They aren’t gonna be deleted from the inbox tho! I’m just going to stick drawing things I feel inspired to draw. So for those of you who have sent requests, they will be answered!

Just don’t be surprised if I answer a trick-or-treat ask a few days from now or in the middle of May XD

[certifiedwhore4slashers]

Death Follows

pairing(s): dark!harry potter x reader, ron x hermione

summary: harry, your best friend, has been acting odd lately, very odd, deciding on one occasion to follow him, leads to your demise.

warnings: obsession, yandere, implied murder, blood, manipulation(slightly), perverted behavior(not from Harry), possessive!harry, toxicity, etc…

reader is pretty much gender neutral since I don’t describe any feminine pronouns or masculine pronouns, or feminity.

also this au has been in my mind a little bit lately lol. obviously everyone is 18+ in this. keep that in mind. dark themes ahead.

You couldn’t take it anymore. You were so worried for Harry. He was your best friend and nonetheless, something obviously was going on with him.

“Y/n, calm down, Ron said.”You’ve been worried this whole week.” “Look, haven’t any of you noticed that he is well, distant? Doesn’t tell us much? You ask. “I have but, maybe he’s going through stuff and coping with the whole dark lord thing, having to defeat him is a lot, Hermione pointed out.

“True, You say.”I guess. But, I still-“ Ron groaned, you couldn’t help but form a smile as it was kind of funny.”I’ll shut up now, Ron. At least about Harry.”

“Good, Ron replied, wrapping his arms around Hermione, they had been dating for four months now. You couldn’t be more happier for them.

“Where are you going? hermione asks. “Nowhere! You lie. Hermione rolls her eyes. “He said not to talk about it anymore! You say, outsmarting Ron.’

You walk a bit louder than you should have. At Hogwarts, Quietness was rare, and noise was frequent. Also a lot of chaos.

“Where is he? You murmur, trying to find Harry. You were so in love with him you’d be willing to do anything for him.

Sure, this could be because of the amount of pressure he has to stop Voldemort. But there had to have been something else.

Harry, was a introvert indeed, but this bad and distant? That didn’t seem like himself. When you spot him, You secretly follow. Maybe this was stalking or out of pure obsession, you weren’t obsessed with him, just in love, that was all.

You only followed his footsteps as you went to see where he went. Maybe you shouldn’t have. After all, curiosity kills the cat. But this was out of concern for your best friend, who you’ve grown up with pretty much.

You were doing the right thing weren’t you? Harry suddenly turns around and you hide. You almost had been caught. Almost. You were scared of what would happen if you were caught by Harry. Especially since he was more aggressive. That wasn’t like him. This whole situation was odd itself.

You probably would find that it wasn’t as concerning as you thought it was, or completely different to the scenario in your mind. You hoped it wasn’t the scenario you pictured in your mind.

Calm down, you’re overthinking, You thought. And yet, I feel drawn to this whole thing. What’s wrong with me? Am I truly becoming obsessed?

You were more than filled with self doubt, but you prioritized helping Harry with whatever he needed. Of course, only if it was good. Not if his intentions were corrupt.

You weren’t like that at all. And when you finally stopped where Harry stopped, but hiding a bit further so he didn’t see you, you didn’t find anything interesting, much to your dismay but relief as well.

You chuckle softly, for a moment you thought he was working with Voldemort. How silly of you to think such things.

You begin walking back to your dormitory, it should’ve been a short and swift walk, if you didn’t bump into someone.

“I’m so sorry, You apologize. “Don’t be, He winks, and in a suggestive tone. Already, making you feel uncomfortable.”Where did you come from?”

“Um, I was just looking for my friend, couldn’t find him, You lied. “What a shame, The ravenclaw said. You would’ve been surprised if it had a hufflepuff.

Truthfully, Every house had bad people in it. “I better get going…. You say. “I recognize you, He says.”Y/N right? The chosen one’s friend?” He said that as if you were more than that. Which you weren’t, unfortunately.

“Yes, now can I get through? You ask, a bit more sternly and assertive. You weren’t going to get out of this mess unless you did something. And you normally didn’t like doing that. You hated confrontation.

“Oh sure thing, can I walk you to your dorm? He asks. “Sure, I guess, You say nervously. He says his name and you say yours. As awkward as it is, maybe the feeling of someone actually being into you was nice.

Though, you knew his motives were anything but nice. Still, you’d never let it take that far. “Here is my dorm, You smile.”I hope I see… you around.” “You definitely will, He winks, leaving you to your dorm.

It wasn’t a good way either. He’d probably ask you out on a date eventually. “y/n, what did you find? Hermione asks. “Not much, You say.”But, before you say I told you so, I know he is hiding something.”

She sighed.”You are too in love to think logically, Y/N.” You scoff.”I’m not in love with him! I found someone!”

“You did? Both Ron and Hermione say in unison. The common room was empty somehow, making things better.

“Mhm, that ravenclaw guy or something, said his name was Bastian or something.”

Hermione groaned.”Y/n, he’s an asshole who’s only using you for sex!” “I know, and I’m not letting him use me, U just met him, doesn’t mean anything, You defended.

“Thank god, Hermione said. “I heard he’s hot though, Ron said. “Not the point, You say. Ron laughed and so did you.

“Ron, you have something to say? You joke. Hermione looks over, smirking. Ron blushed.”I’m not gay! I love ‘Mione!”

“Cute nickname, Hermione smiled, sitting beside him. “To be fair, he didn’t come up with it first, You smiled.

You looked proud and smug, as you had come up with it in Year 1. Hermione loved it and it stuck ever since. Though, it was a nickname only her closest friends, you, Ron(her boyfriend now), and Harry.

It got darker, and by the time you were in bed, you hear noises coming from the Common Room. So, much to your curiosity, you go downstairs to the common room. Relieved, You say,”Merlin, Harry, I thought you were something else.”

“No, just me, Harry said calmly.”You thought I was Voldemort or something?” “No, you laughed.”You came in really late. Won’t you get some sleep?”

“I’m not that tired, Harry assured you.”You don’t have to worry about me, Y/N.” “I think I do, You tease.”You need someone to look after you, Harry.”

He smiles.”Always putting everyone’s needs over your own, typical of you.” “It’s kind of how you are, You say.”Selfless, caring…” He sighed, plopping himself down on the couch.

“Harry, I’m worried for you, okay? You say, sitting beside him.”What’s going on?” “It’s nothing, he says. That’s a lie, you knew.

“Harry, I know that’s a lie, You say.”And…” you stop, looking down to see blood all over his clothes. You stand up.”Harry, what did you do?”

Confused, He asked,”What do you mean?” “Did you fall or something? Hurt yourself? You’ve got blood all over, You say nervously, about to pull your wand out when Harry took action quicker.”Expelliarmus!”

He disarmed tour wand, making you taken aback. Why did he do that? You weren’t a threat by any means. Pulling out your wand he probably assumed you’d hurt him or something.

“I’m not going to hurt you, I… I’m just a bit scared, okay? I need my wand to-“

He grabs it before you do. His demeanor, you just knew changed. “I’m not giving it back until I can trust you, Harry said sternly.

“God, you sound like my father, give it back! You say, reaching out for it but not succeeding.”And what makes me untrustworthy?”

“The fact you’re questioning me, and immediately go to your wand! Harry said. “Shh! They can hear you! You say, when he grabs your wrist, making you jump.

“You really want to know? He asks, his tone angrier than you’ve ever heard from him. You nodded nervously, more so afraid. This side of him you’ve never seen before.

Pulling you closer to him, Harry whispers in your ear,”I killed that creep.” “No… You say.”He wasn’t a creep. And how did you know?”

“I knew you followed me, and I saw it, Harry added.”I’m not as stupid as you might think, y/n.” “Okay, then what were you doing? You ask.”I know you’re hiding something, Harry.”

“Feeling bold, aren’t you?”

“Maybe, You reply, your voice filled with venom and a bit more confidence as you spoke. You never felt so confident in your life. But you had to hide your fear and intimidation of Harry.

“Alright then, Harry smirked.”I didn’t exactly lie about defeating Voldemort.” “Okay… You say. “I already killed him, he continues.”Which that makes me the new Dark Lord.”

“What? You say.”Okay, Maybe your trauma made you-“ His hand was wrapped around your throat, not choking you but he could.”I’d rather you keep your mouth shut about this.”

You somehow whimper and nodded. He lets go.”Good.” “I have a feeling there was more to murdering that ravenclaw, You whisper.

“The fact is, you’re mine, and I just made sure he knew, Harry said possessively. This side of him scared you.

“What are you going to do as the Dark Lord?”

“Destroy those who wronged me and the people I love, obviously.”

[bestworstcase]

On that recent note about Ruby being at a boiling point when the next confrontation with Salem rolls around, would you mind going into that a bit more? Namely, I have a couple thoughts about a) it’s narratively boring to have the same thing happen twice, and “Ruby’s personal issues get overrun by a bunch of other issues she feels she has to address first” is how we got to V10 in the first place, and b) it really feels like WBY (and maybe Jaune, but he has his own stuff going on, we’ll see) would be much more conscious of the fact that it happened very visibly and the possibility of that happening again, and thus act to help Ruby away from that edge should she stray there again. Just a couple thoughts, really.

what i anticipate—again mostly on the basis of reading rwby x jl pt in context with the events of v9 and the 9.11 animatic—is less round two of ruby pretending to be fine until she explodes and more of an over-correction. a pendulum swing. ruby knows she can’t bury things behind a smile without destroying herself now, but she also… doesn’t… really know how to regulate her emotions in a healthy way, because she’s been viciously repressing those feelings her whole life.

she’s also (as ruby herself notes in B4) not at all comfortable asking for help and in vacuo she is going to be under a lot of pressure as the girl who sent the message—and in B4, we’ve already seen that she is, for example, getting waylaid in the streets for photos with strangers and that yang, despite having every reason to be overprotective at present, doesn’t interfere and actively tries to put a positive spin on it (“personally i think it’s about time everybody knew how cool my sister is”) even as she’s obviously concerned about the harm it might be doing to ruby. they’re both being pragmatic.

so while ruby’s closest friends will be (and do, in the jl film) watching like hawks for the signals they missed in the ever after, they can’t do anything about her celebrity among the vacuan refugees or the material reality of the situation in vacuo: if a major grimm attack coincides with ruby feeling bad, everyone has to prioritize repelling the attack over talking about how ruby feels, them’s the breaks.

ruby knows this. her team knows this. none of them want her to go back to bottling stuff up until it kills her, but it’s going to be really, really hard to carve out the space she needs to rest and recover and learn how to handle her feelings.

what happens?

well, judging by the jl film, ruby gets kind of… manic. she’s reckless. she brushes off their attempts to get her to stop being reckless. at one point she more or less tells clark that she expects to die in the war and she’s decided to try as hard as she can to do as much good as she can in the time she has left, and later when she gets the wind knocked out of her and yang freaks out ruby’s like "don’t worry, i’m not a quitter like mom" about it.

in a way, she’s backslid all the way to where she was at the top of v1—remember how reckless ruby was during the initiation, out of desperation to prove herself? except she’s also, pretty blatantly, pushing her bad feelings outward in the form of this danger-seeking go-go-go attitude. it’ll be okay if she dies as long as she goes down fighting to the end right!!! as long as she’s honest and open about not being able to imagine a future where she is alive after the war, that’s fine!!! because she’s not bottling it up anymore!!!

and (this is evident even just in the jl film) she’s a bit taken aback by how alarming her team finds this new attitude, because to her all that’s changed is she’s not keeping it a secret that she feels this way but to them it’s abruptly seeing, in vivid technicolor, that ruby genuinely does not care whether she lives or dies and in fact is terrifyingly comfortable with the idea that she’ll die fighting salem. so i think ruby is going to experience this as mixed signals; they say they want her to be more open and share what she feels, but when she’s (in her mind) feeling good they get mad at her for not… feeling the way they want her to feel… so what is she supposed to do?

over the longer term, the shape of ruby’s character arc from here on is a journey toward rebuilding her presently non-existent sense of self-worth. but in the immediate term it’s more about clearing the hurdle of believing that one epiphany in the tree did not, in fact, fix her or solve the deeper problem of her suicide ideation. (which is very much what’s going on with ruby in the jl film.)

and i think it’s really interesting and pretty smart for the narrative to juxtapose that with salem battling her own emotional strife, because the heroic cast all believe that salem ultimately just wants to die but i don’t think that’s true, and salem herself certainly seems to be envisioning a future that she is beginning to realize she cannot achieve without making sacrifices; no cost is too great, she says, and she’s lying to herself.

i think ruby’s second boiling point is not “i don’t want to be me anymore” but rather “i don’t want to die anymore” and this dovetails nicely with salem hitting this critical mass, reaching the line she can’t cross because the cost is too great. the hero realizing that she desperately wants to live after all + the villain choosing the life of one person she cares for above everything else. it creates an opening for empathy and understanding in both directions.

if ruby spends nearly all of v10 skating over the deep well of her fear by pushing it outward as glibly nihilistic thrill-seeking, and then gets thrust into a situation where she really might die and feels that abrupt, visceral desperation to survive—that is not too far afield of salem’s desperation to remake the world into one where she’s allowed to live. likewise, if the unstoppable force of salem’s ruthlessness collided with the immovable object of cinder, she knocks herself sideways into a corner she can’t escape—which isn’t dissimilar to how hopeless ruby feels. and then they each have the other’s answer, potentially.

[burningcheese-merchant]

I have. A few things to say! First of all, thank you for writing for here (and there, but I do not have an AO3)! I’m very in much love with someone going crazy for another and *mwah* do you do it right and justice! That said, prioritize yourself! Drink water! Eat! Do not burn out, and do not feel pressured to do stuff! I hope that your spark burns for long after this fandom!

Thank you so, so much for your kind words! I know you sent multiple asks, so I'm going to try to respond to the first two in one post, if that's ok! (I'll answer the PitayaFire one separately)

Don't you know that the truest, most profound kind of love is born not beneath the soft, pale light of the full moon, not in the sound of a pair's steps as they dance the night away, not within the warmth and security of a tender embrace, but within the walls of the solitary confinement cell in the "dangerous and violent" housing section of a psych ward? LOL jk. It's really fun writing a lovesick/obsessed person for some reason. I don't have this dynamic for any of my other ships, this is the first time I've opted to explore a darker, more uncomfortable and unstable route/interpretation of a "relationship" and it's honestly been a blast lol. (I DO also ship mutual BurningCheese, but under specific conditions, AKA Burning Spice has a redemption arc and GC falls for him on her own. I just can't justify them being together if he's still evil. So long as he is, the love is one-sided)

I really am grateful for your compliments and encouragement. I've got a super big and important BurningCheese fic in the oven rn, but I do need to actually focus on real life for a bit, so it'll be some time. I'll be posting drabbles on here and a fic or two on AO3 where BS is NOT dangerously insane, just a regular asshole who's down bad lol

You can rest assured that my crazy diamond will continue shining on long after I get tired of these games about talking cookies. I always loved writing, it's my favorite hobby and it's my only way of expressing my creativity since I can't draw to save my life. I actually have a 100% original work I've been tinkering with for a loooong time, but I always wanted that story to be told in comic form, and to do that... I have to learn to draw lol. (And that's... a really big mountain to climb. I want to climb it more than anything, but I don't know if I can. Feels like I keep slipping and falling on my ass every time I try to take and retake the first step on the first rock, you know? Idk how anyone does it, honestly...) In any case, I'm truly grateful for you and everyone else who bothers to look at my work and actually thinks it's good for some reason

Did you see that gacha animation though 👀 The way BS is looking at her 👀 y'all can't tell me he ain't thirsty. Look at that twinkle in his eye. Look at that smile. He wants to tear up more than just those wings, I'm telling you 👀 Shadow Milk is a silly billy, he thinks puppet shows and gaslighting are how you flirt with people. Mystic Flour is probably just like "what. What is this. Who is this man. Why is he handsome. Why do I feel this way. Emotions are futile. Love is ephemeral. I will not stray from the path. I will trap him in my mind prison and torture him. That will fix it. He will surrender to apathy. He will return my soul jam. He will see how smart and correct I am. Cloud Haetae will sing my praises to him until he believes them. Yes. That is what will happen. Victory is mine. I am Very Normal about this." Burning Spice? Down horrendous. Down crazy. When GC is there, it's like no one else is in the room. Won't stop smiling. Only mentions the Soul Jam once, focuses on her specifically the whole rest of the time. First real thing he says to her is how much she impresses him. Throws a tantrum after their fight essentially because she didn't step on him hard enough. Down bad. Down bad. Down bad. Ain't no way he isn't. You can't change my mind

Sorry for rambling. TL;DR: Yo Socrates, it's a fucking cookie (also thank you for your support)

[chiramffn]

Sorry, It Was Me

(Rafayel x OC(f); hurt with comfort, fluff in the end)

(author made this while listening to Afterglow by Taylor Swift and Love Me Again by V a lot)

***

“Seriously, what was wrong with me?”

He yelled at his canvas for the fourth time of the day.

It was wrong. Rafayel knows this. Yelling and arguing with each other were not the answer to a problem. Perhaps they can blame their work for taking tolls on them.

Thomas kept bothering him with the deadline these days. He said something about the sponsor of the exhibition? Or was it something about the venue? He can’t remember anymore. And for her, the wanderers are just going rampant in Linkon. The news about the hunters is always in the air even now. All those stresses just resulting them head-butting each other on one rare occasion when they finally met. They are just on the edge of anger all the time and very sensitive. The usual playful banter just spiraled down into a yelling contest. A clear mind was nowhere to be found.

(Flashback)

“Oh, I’m sorry that I can’t be there for you, Rafayel. I’m just busy keeping the city safe these days. Have you seen the news? Wanderers appear more and more in this one week!”

Sara is walking back and forth, trying to calm herself. It’s not working though. She hears a scoff from the couch.

“Oh yeah? Sorry that I bother you so much by asking for your attention. This particular painting has just been so difficult and Thomas keeps pressuring me about it. So, I just want some attention from you! My lover! Who would have thought that you FINALLY could come here because he asked you? It’s been a while, Sara! And you came because he asked you?” tells him, eyes very intense with anger.

“I told you, I AM busy! And Thomas just worried about you, you know? I can’t help-”

Rafayel stands from the couch. “Ah, so you side with him!”

“There is no side here, Rafayel.”

“Well, you just defended him. You are on his side! I can’t believe it. I want some attention from my girlfriend, but she keeps working non-stop, and one time she finally came here, she defended another man.”

“Rafayel, you are being so childish right now. “

“Sara! I just want you to prioritize ‘us’ more!”

“That is rather demanding. You know how I love my job!”

“And I. Love. You. Honestly, Y/N, why did you agree to go out with me? Do you even love me?”

Staring at him from across the room, she didn’t believe what she just heard.

“Of course, I do! I wouldn’t go out with someone I don’t like?”

Crossing his arm, Rafayel stared back at her, “But your action now said the opposite!”

Silence followed for a while and she just murmured, “I can’t believe this.” and pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I can’t be around you right now, Rafayel.”

And with that, she just walked out of the studio.

***

All of that happened three days ago. Yet, there is still no news from her.

He tried to reach out to her, yes. Even three days ago, after several minutes after she walked out. It clicked right away in him that they said things they shouldn’t have to each other just now. But of course, she didn’t answer her phone. Again.

Three days. Three days without anything from her. His heart cannot help but keep beating anxiously. Being new to this relationship thing, does not help with negative thoughts which are swimming around his mind. Is he being forgotten again? Was she walking out because she was giving up on him? Is this relationship going to be okay? Is she okay? What if she is hurt because of him?

He cannot help but keep making mistakes in his painting these several days. Every brush stroke that he did just feels very wrong. Nothing is right. All is a mess.

“Maybe I should just go to her place.” is what he is thinking. This will be going nowhere if both of them keep whatever is happening right now in between them.

He was just cleaning his hands in the bathroom when he heard a faint call of his name.

“Rafayel…?”

Oh, how he misses her voice.

Sara is walking in his studio. Her head is turning left and right, searching for him. And then their eyes met. Rafayel can’t help but walk fast towards her. But as he got closer, he noticed there are some bruises in her face and hands. Sweet smile that just adorned his face slowly fading into a concerned frown.

“What happened?”

“Rafa-”

His eyes are observing every bruise that he can see now. Very unhappy with them.

“Are they coming from a wanderer? Or is there someone I need to get my hands on?”

Sara is confused at first but then he realizes what he means. “What? No. No. It’s just wanderers. It’s okay. I want to talk to you first.”

He took her hand in his and said, “As much as I do want to talk to you first too, I can’t, you are hurt. Let’s take care of them first.”

“But, Rafa-” She is silenced. The intense gaze that he suddenly gave her made her lips just shut. And seeing her finally agreeing, he ushered her to sit on the couch.

“Wait here, I’ll take the first aid kit.”

***

Sara is staring at the beautiful man in front of him. God, he is beautiful, she thought. And I think I hurt this beautiful and kind man.

She still remembers them clearly. All the words that they threw at each other. She called him demanding, and childish, and then just walked out. What in the world was wrong with me? She thought. Now regret just keeps filling up her heart and mind. And so is sorry.

“So, are you going to tell me what happened or am I supposed to wait until you finish looking at me like I am an art piece?” says Rafayel who is cleaning up the last bruise on her knuckle.

She chuckles a little.

“It was just as usual. Wanderers. This one type is very fast and I was…not in the right head space so it got me. And apparently, they keep happening again after that.”

“You hesitate?”

“I was thinking about our..fight. Rafayel, my love, I-“

The pet name is back, Rafayel thought. And he cuts her to the chase and says it first, “I am sorry.”

She was just about to open her mouth again, but close it again after seeing him about to continue his sentence.

“I am very sorry that my stresses and emotions took the better of me three days ago. I know I shouldn’t have said all those things to you. I am very very sorry.”

He took both of her hands. His eyes are staring at his thumb rubbing gently the area he just bandaged.

“You have no idea how precious you are to me. Priceless. No one can compare to you, princess. And the idea I just hurt you with my words, I can’t bear that. I keep thinking about you. Especially after the fight.”

He continues again, “I said many thing I didn’t mean at all. Asking if you love me at all? I shouldn’t do that. Then, I keep thinking if things gonna be alright. I keep thinking of where you are at the time. I keep thinking if I should contact you first or give you some space. ‘Is it okay if I gave her some space?’ I said to myself. ‘Or will the space make things worse and make you feel I don’t care about you?’ Not to mention I was being so demanding of you so I don’t wanna burden you more. I have all these thoughts. Making me realize once more how irreplaceable you are to me, love.”

He moves his hands to hold her face. Unconsciously, Sara is leaning on one of his hands while maintaining their eye contact.

“I love you with all I am and with all I have, princess. And I am sorry for hurting you with my actions.”

Moved is an understatement to what Sara is feeling right now. Her heart is just bubbling with emotions and she can feel her eyes are getting misty. She tried to fix her sitting position and trying to get closer to him.

“As much as you hold my heart preciously…”

Sara took his hand and put it in her chest, right above her heart. Then Sara leaned down and kiss the area above his heart too.

“… yours is something I hold very dearly too. This is very precious for me…”

Sara heard his gasp. She also can feel the faster beat of his heart. Then she leans her forehead to his chest.

“I love you very much, Rafayel. You have no idea.”

She kisses his chest again.

“My love.”

And then she kisses his collarbone.

“My treasure.”

Another kiss.

“My amazing other half.”

Sara keeps muttering sweet-nothings as she kisses his jaw, his cheek, and then his nose. His face is getting redder and redder. Yet, his eyes hold so much. When their eyes met, Sara can see affection, love, and eyes that getting misty. Holding his face in her hands, she says what she has been itching to say since she entered this room,

“And I am very sorry if I hurt this precious heart. It was very wrong for me to call you childish, and demanding, and then just walk out like that. This love you have for me. There is no single intention in me to hurt you, my dearest. I love you.”

Rafayel’s gaze is intense right now. Those blue and magenta swirling emotionally around each other. Suddenly he turned his head away from her,

“Now you’ve done it! I can’t help but accept the apologies, aren’t I?”

He turns his head again and covers her hands with his on his cheeks. Smiling while leaning down, he said something that she would never get tired of hearing it.

“I love you very much too, princess. 'Till the end of time."

***

(a/n: sorry if this is still farrrr from good. I am still learning to write more and more these days. If you guys want to leave your critics, I’m open to them. Thank you for reading!^^)

[rahleeyah]

Are you planning on finishing out of the ashes? I don’t want to sound like I’m rushing you or pressuring bc I love all your stories however or whenever they come, was just wondering as you talk potential future stories!!

So the short answer is: I don't know 🥴

The long answer is: I fell out of love with the story. This doesn't happen often with a multi chapter bc usually I just keep pecking away at it even after I've stopped being excited about it but I have significantly less time to write at the moment than I have in the past and so I'm having to prioritize more, and bc I wasn't excited about it it was easy to just walk away from it. Also, until this weekend no one had asked about it and I thought I was in the clear I thought everyone had forgotten about it 💀 but then this weekend I've gotten a few comments/messages about it and I'm like. Oh. I think I could get excited about it again; I lost interest bc I did something I try not to do and that is I thought about the whole story, where is going and how much ground it's going to have to cover, and that's daunting and makes it harder to get excited about the work.

However at this exact moment in time I am feeling more kindly disposed to the story than I was a few weeks ago when I decided to stop working on it. I won't have a lot of time this week to write and I have two projects I need to focus on but they will both be done fairly soon, and when they're over and I can catch my breath I think yeah there's a pretty good chance I'll go back to out of the ashes. Knowing that people care about it, that people actually are interested in it, gives me a lot of encouragement and is a big help in getting my excitement for it back.

Thank you for asking!!! I'm sorry I don't have a better answer

[likesunsetorange]

I’m a e2l fan so I want anything you could give us about it like characters likes /dislikes ? Small snippet (sorry Im so excited for this fic I’m asking for alot :,(no pressure though <3)

love you hope you’re doing good

hiii! you're so sweet, ily2! i'm mostly good! a little stressed bc school but i'm keeping it pushing haha

and you're not asking for a lot!! i've actually been talking a lot about this au with a few of my moots lately so i've been itching to share about it so honestly go crazy with asking about it!!! since i haven't gotten as many asks about this au i guess i'll make this ask kind of long and just kind of dump some of the stuff from my notes into it? and i have a tiny snippet i can share too!

so i'll just go on a long ass tangent below lol

okay, so first thing about this au, the one thing i really want to emphasize (without spoiling) is the whole thing about this au is that their breakup reason is important, but also that nobody in particular is at fault. sometimes life just happens, and things happen, and sometimes you just need to take a step back and re-evaluate yourself, your goals, and what you really want! it's about coming back together and choosing that person in the end because you realize not being with them is worse than whatever drove y'all apart!

tbh a lot of this au is partially inspired by my own breakup & how the experience of me getting over it! i was in my early 20s for the first time being single after being in a relationship since i was a teenager and i was like woah wtf idk how to be single/without a partner. so that's a big focus of that! learning how to find yourself and realign your goals and all that!

but we can get into the characters now!

eren:

definitely is a bit more obvious about missing mikasa, but tries to act like he doesnt (he has her highlight still up lol, not doing a good job at it)

mostly just works a lot while they're not together

after they breakup, mikasa moves out of their apartment, so he's stuck seeing all their stuff all the time

the first time they see each other its messy, they get into a big fight lol, they aren't allowed to hang out together lol

but he realizes pretty fast that he regrets the breakup, but he sees that mikasa seems to be doing okay, so he wouldn't wanna intrude on that

he gets armin in the breakup basically (mostly bc he sees armin more, but armin still talks to mikasa, just not as much as he does to eren obvi)

he picks up some of mikasa's hobbies bc he misses her so much lol he's down horrendous

at the very least does miss mikasa at least as a friend

mikasa

after their breakup, because she's kind of trying to spite eren, she starts going out a lot to cope—her "hot girl era" essentially lol

she definitely starts prioritizing herself a lot more, and spends more time with her friends and figuring out what she wants outside of eren

but she definitely misses eren, she's just better at hiding it lol

she partially thinks he just doesn't want anything to do with her anymore (a lot of this is just them being fucking idiots lol), and she basically doesn't try to stalk him or see what he's up to bc she doesn't wanna know out of her own peace of mind

she has very bad flight anxiety so when they fly to italy, she lowkey kind of hopes that eren doesn't change his flight (he does bc he has to do something not even to be petty), and she has a very terrible flight experience and all she wishes is that eren were there

and here's a little snippet! this takes place the day after they break up!! sorry for rambling LOl but hope you enjoyed my little tangent! :)

“Damn, Mikasa,” Gabi called out from behind her, only causing Mikasa to turn around. “We didn’t know you went out on weeknights.” 

Gabi, one of the college freshmen who worked at the gallery, had a tendency to say whatever was on her mind, never bothering to filter herself. Even if Mikasa had grown rather close to her since she started working at the gallery in August, sometimes she wished Gabi would just shut up.

Mikasa scoffed, confused as to what even prompted her to say that. “What are you talking about, Gabi? And don’t cuss so loud, especially where guests can hear you.”

“Your eyes, they’re all red. Not to mention how bad your bags are,” she said, pointing to her eyes. “Seems like someone was a victim of Sunday Funday.”

Mikasa lifted a finger to touch her eye—still puffy, but from tears, rather than drinking.

“Gabi, you’re not supposed to say stuff like that—it’s rude,” Falco chimed in.

“Hey, it’s not my fault she can’t handle her alcohol,” she shrugged, turning back toward Mikasa. “It’s okay, Mikasa, the prettiest girls are always the biggest lightweights. But anyway, are you feeling okay? Does our favorite party girl need some Tylenol? A Liquid IV, maybe? Even a Gatorade?”

Was she supposed to answer honestly? Tell them that she had spent the entirety of her night crying because she and her boyfriend had broken up. That she was sure that the cops almost got called by their neighbors from how loud they were yelling at one another? That Sasha couldn’t even understand her when she called, telling her she needed somewhere to stay because she stormed out of their apartment, not even giving Eren the chance to finish his sentence, somewhere after one of them had uttered the words, “We shouldn’t be together anymore?”

She had been doing so well, pushing the thoughts to the back of her head, trying to get through the entirety of her shift without thinking about everything—about him. She only had an hour left in her shift, but all of her efforts had been to no avail.

It was as if the wind had been knocked out of her, she suddenly lost the ability to breathe, and she felt all the blood drain from her face.

We aren’t together. We aren’t together. We aren’t together. The words playing in her mind on loop.

“Hey, Mikasa. Are you okay?” Falco asked, his eyes flooding with concern as he looked over Mikasa’s current state.

“I think I’m gonna be sick,” she said quickly, before running off to the bathroom.

But maybe just this once, Mikasa was lucky for Gabi’s inability to shut her mouth—at least being hungover was a good enough cover for sobbing her eyes out in the bathroom.

[reidslibrarybook]

Suspenders, Ties, Cuffs

Couple - Spencer x Fem!reader

Warnings - language, sexual innuendos and lots of them, mentions of alcohol, douchey guy, not proofread (lmk if i missed some)

Summary - Your love for Spencer seemed to be unrequited until a strange turn of events led to you in the arms of the man you cared for.

Category - fluff and hurt/comfort i think?

Word Count - 3.4k

A/N - i love drunk spencer. i imagine baby reid for this fic btw.

masterlist

join my taglist here!

—————————————-

Your nose scrunched as you walked into the crowded bar. Penelope convinced you to go out with them that night, guilting you with the fact that you didn’t attend the last team outing.

It's not like you didn’t appreciate the effort they put into their desperate pleas for you to go— you loved that they valued you enough to want you attned. You just hated that he was never there, that he’d avoid you as if you were an annoying germ that he didn’t want to come in contact with.

You noticed that Spencer made a habit of opting out of going with the team whenever you confirmed your invitation. It didn’t hurt too much at first, especially since you liked to believe that it was just a coincidence, but it soon became a visceral reaction you had come to loathe.

Your beating heart liked the idea of having him and holding him and kissing him but you knew it was impossible, especially with the way he acted around you. You tried to make light conversation with him, engaging in small talk every time the two of you “happened” to be stuck in an elevator together.

Though, it became quite obvious that you’d wait for him to leave and sprint to the metal box— squeezing through the closing doors. You learned to stop trying so hard as soon as he stopped taking the elevator and started using the stairwell that was inconveniently placed out of his way.

It was heartbreaking since he had been your first crush since your ex but you brushed it off, prioritizing your profession instead of your trivial infatuation.

Penelope pulled you out of your thoughts and slid you into one of the chairs placed at the bar.

She called over the bartender and looked at her colleagues seated around her. “So, what are we having tonight, agents?” You smiled as you looked around the musty bar, seeing each of the once stoic faces calling out their drinks with glee— relieved that the last case was over.

You looked over at the bartender and nodded politely. “I’ll just have a club soda.”

They nodded and walked away, looking at the orders scribbled down onto the paper in their hands.

Derek poked his head out from the side. “Is there a reason you’re not drinking tonight?”

“Is there a reason for me to drink?”

He shrugged, “Just speculating that there might be a special someone you need to stay sober for when you get home.”

“I’m not affirming or denying that hypothesis,” you giggled, whispering a ‘thank you’ when your drink was so neatly placed in front of you.

It seemed that the team wasn’t in their usual prying mood, choosing to lazily converse about small details of their personal lives to destress from events of the days before.

You weren’t as engaged as you would be, your mind wandering off to think about the one person you never wanted to think about again… Spencer Reid.

He was particularly fidgety that day, stuttering more often than usual and keeping away from contact. All you wanted to do was ask him what was wrong but you remembered how much he detested you and stayed away— not wanting to make it worse for him.

“H- hi.”

Your head never raised up so fast, your eyes immediately flicking over to see the awkward man himself. He stood up straight, playing with his fingers as he donned a sweater vest cardigan combo— his glasses sitting on his button nose.

Emily turned her chair and motioned him over to sit on a chair between her and you. “I thought you said you weren’t going to come tonight?”

He grinned, looking down and starting to feel the heat of the overcrowded bar, or maybe the pressure of six pairs of eyes. “I wasn’t but I decided that I haven’t gone out with you all in a while so I might as well come.”

“I think you dressed up for the wrong type of bar. We’re here to drink, not take an exam,” Derek chimed in from the back. His statement elicited sounds of laughter from everyone seated there. Spencer was blushing, quickly muttering his non-alcoholic order to the person behind the counter.

“I- I’m not dressed like I’m about to take the bar exam,” he looked down at his outfit, soon realizing what Derek meant.

Hotch sipped his whiskey, swallowing before leaning over and patting Spencer on the back reassuringly. “It sure seems like it and I’d know, I’ve taken it before.”

Spencer shook his head, taking a drink of his water while everyone else conversed on the other side. The two of you were left in an atmosphere of awkward tension, occasionally looking over to the other.

“So, what do you do in your free time?”

He turned his head and met your eyes, turning away quickly before he answered. “I just read.”

You nodded, fiddling with the glass in your hands. “What do you um, what do you read?”

The way he crossed your legs the moment you asked the question intrigued you. “Mostly non-fiction and some older books.”

“That’s… cool,” you winced at your choice of words, feeling the little cringe he made without even having to look.

Thankfully, Derek called him over to help him figure out a trivia question that he couldn’t answer— saving you from having any more terribly mundane “conversations”.

You loved looking at him from afar, watching the way his glasses fogged up when he was embarrassed or the way he tried to fix his tie when he noticed that it was crooked. There was nothing about him that you disliked, except for his contempt for you.

He happened to wander back to you half an hour later in a completely different state. Inebriated and incapable of making sound decisions, Spencer stumbled into the chair next to you and gingerly sipped his lemon drop.

“Spencer, are you alright?”

He had a dopey grin on his face, moving his head up and down rapidly which only served to dizzy him. “Yup, I’m just peachy!”

You giggled, “How much have you had to drink?”

“Not a lot, I promise. Just enough to ‘loosen me up’. At least that’s what Morgan said.”

You grabbed the glass out of his hand and slid it away from him. “How about we take the drinking down a notch.”

He chuckled, “Notch sounds like Hotch. Hotch is a notch!”

“Spencer-”

“Excuse me, sweetheart.” You turned your chair around and looked over to see a tall muscular man behind you, a smug smile on his face.

“You lookin’ for a good time tonight?”

You laughed humorlessly, immediately feeling uncomfortable with the unwanted attention. “No, sorry. I’m all good, thanks.”

You tried to turn back and drag Spencer, who was slumped over the counter, away from who could pose a threat and turn into a potentially dangerous situation.

“C’mon, honey. You know you want this,” he grabbed your hand and pulled you to him. You didn’t know why you were frozen, completely still. His eyes stared into yours as your brain was beginning to trigger your fight or flight.

Before you could act, Spencer slapped his hand off of yours and stepped in between the two of you.

“Go away, she said that she doesn’t want you,” he slurred.

The other man scoffed, “What makes you so sure… twink. You look like a damn pastry, I could snap you in two.”

“Well um, steak. You look like a brainless jock who still lives with his mom.”

You pulled the side of Spencer’s cardigan. “Spencer, stop. We need to go.”

“What makes you think she wants you, you wouldn’t be able to handle her.”

Spencer shook his head. “I know I’d be able to, at least more than you. Judging by the size of your hands and the gap between your thumb and index finger, my calculations would put you and your appendage at 3.27 centimeters even after erect-”

He cut him off, pushing him out of the way to get to you. “Let’s go, baby. You don’t want to fuck a nerd do you?”

You tried your best to yank your hand out of his grasp, but his grip on you was too strong. You looked around for something to grab and for Derek but he was nowhere to be found.

“Hey!” The man turned his head to the side as Spencer began to approach him, his knees wobbling as he walked, “I’m not a nerd. I’m a dork!”

Spencer’s hand made contact with his face, attempting to land a decent punch in the square of it. Though, his hand-eye coordination was laughable, even more so when he was drunk, so he ended up leaving a deep scratch on his nose.

“You son of a bitch!” He let go of you and landed a punch in Spencer’s face, knocking him out cold.

You managed to hold him back, your heart racing as Spencer remained motionless on the ground. Derek came to your aid, cuffing him with the spare pair he had in the back of his pocket.

Somewhere in the mad fiasco that had taken place, someone called the police and an ambulance came to pick up the stupid genius lying on the dirty floor of the bar. You rode with him to the hospital, holding his hand the whole way.

There was a multitude of injuries that Spencer could have succumbed to when he hit the ground.

Bruising.

Bone fractures.

Concussion.

He remained unconscious for most of the process, unaware of the many tests— both necessary and unnecessary as instructed by you— that had been run.

You sat there in the cold room alone with Spencer’s hand in yours. You insisted on staying with him as the team sorted out the situation and figured out Spencer’s legal liability.

He began to stir, his fingers randomly feeling yours as his pretty eyes fluttered open.

“Spencer,” you stood up and walked closer to the bed, “How are you feeling?”

“I- I don’t know. Where am I?”

You ran your fingers through his knotted hair. “You’re in the hospital.”

“Right, the hospital. Um, wh- who are you?”

Your eyes widened as a tightness in your chest formed. “What?”

He closed his eyes to remember. “I- I don’t know who you are.” “You don’t know who I am?”

A moment of tense silence rested between you. Your eyes looked into his as they became glassy. Suddenly, his lips became upturned and giggles fell from his lips. Your mind was thrown in a loop, utterly confused by the contradiction of his behavior.

“I’m just kidding,” he slurred, “I know who you are, Y/N.”

You inhaled and exhaled a long breath, relief coursing through your veins. “That wasn’t funny, Spencer.”

“Sorry,” he pouted, taking your words to heart.

You sighed, “It’s alright, Spencer. I just- you scared me.”

He scrunched his nose, rubbing his eyes so they could adjust to the light. He reached his hand up as his fingers tangled up into your hair.

“Mmm, do you think you could get me some jello?”

You giggled at his attention span that could be compared to that of a seven-year-old. “Sure, when we get you discharged. The doctors said you’re all good to go, nothing’s wrong with you or your brain.”

He smiled, closing his eyes and drifting off as a way for his body to work off the obscene amount of alcohol in his system.

He was still drunk, clearly, but you couldn’t help but feel guilty for him getting hurt. Spencer was now left with a black eye, and potentially something else that would be perpetually crooked in addition to his tie.

—————————————-

It was a hassle driving Spencer home. He was a clingy drunk, wanting to have physical contact every second of every moment.

You struggled to get him to the door of your apartment, having to climb 3 flights of stairs since the elevator was under maintenance. You originally planned to drive him back to his place, but it seemed like he lost his keys— at least according to him.

It was better that he was staying with you anyways, you could keep an eye on him and take care of his hangover in the morning since he was within a close proximity.

You dropped him off in the guest bedroom, running to your closet to grab some clothes that were too big to fit you. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, touching his hair and smiling at how he looked in the mirror.

“Spencer. I brought these for you, do you think you could change into them?”

He nodded, grabbing the clothes quickly and shoving you out the door. You only reentered when you heard a crash come from the other side, turning the knob to see Spencer lying on the floor with one leg in the pair of pajama pants and the other splayed on the wooden planks.

You shook your head with a smile on your face, crouching down and helping him get his clothes back on. He repeatedly mumbled his ‘thank you’s and other gratitudinous phrases as you helped him up to his feet.

“I can put the shirt on myself.”

You yanked it away from him before he could grab it with his slender fingers. “I don’t think so. You may be a genius but you could barely put on your pants without ending up on the floor.”

“Ohhhhh.”

You looked up at him as you pulled the shirt over his head. “What?”

“You want to see me… naked?”

You laughed, moving your head from side to side. “N- no, Spencer. I just want to help you.”

“So you don’t want to see me naked?”

“Wh- what? Of course, I do,” you winced at your poor choice of words, “I mean no I don’t, n- not like this. I need to help you put on your shirt, so please stop squirming.”

“B- but you’re tickling me?”

“I’m not trying to, but if you don’t stop wiggling I think I’ll have to tie you up,” you joked.

His eyes lit up. “I HAVE SOME SUSPENDERS IN MY JACKET. WE CAN USE THOSE!”

Your eyes went impossibly wide. “Spencer, th- that’s not what I-”

He shook his head and ruffled through his soiled clothes to find his tie. “No, you’re right. I think I’d move too much and it’s come undone. We can use this!” Spencer held up his tie enthusiastically, waving it in your face like a dog wagging its tail.

“Spencer. We can’t do that,” you stated shyly, feeling your cheeks heat up at his eagerness to be restrained.

“Handcuffs? I- I don’t have any but we can call Derek and he could-”

You placed your hands over his mouth, trying to silence his unintentionally dirty mouth. “Nope. We’re not calling Morgan and we’re not using handcuffs or your tie or your suspenders.”

His lips quivered as he pouted. “Tomorrow?”

“I- I don’t know, Spencer. I didn’t think you want to do any of that with me… or anything at all really.”

He tilted his head to the side, his nose wrinkling. “What do you mean?”

You grab his clothes on the ground and folded them neatly, placing them on the dresser. “You avoid me all the time and don’t go to team functions when you know I am.”

He walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you, nuzzling his head into the crook of your neck. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, I- I really wasn’t trying to make you feel like that. I like you a lot, like a lot a lot. I was just scared.”

“You’re drunk, Spencer. I don’t think I could trust the words coming out of your mouth right now.”

“I’m not drunk, you can trust me.”

You smiled. “Tell me tomorrow and I’ll accept your declaration of affection.”

Spencer pulled away from you, looking into your eyes with a glimmer in his. “More like a declaration of lovvveeeeee.”

You laughed. “Alright. Get into bed, I’m going to get you some water.”

He nodded as you left the room and a warming in your heart settled in. there was nothing more satisfying than knowing that your feelings were reciprocated, at least you hoped they were. ‘Drunk words are sober thoughts’ was what you repeated in your head to substantiate your beliefs.

You walked back into the room with Spencer nowhere to be found. You frantically searched around the room and ran straight to yours when you heard a rustling noise.

“Y/N?” You heard Derek’s voice with an electronic tone coming from behind the closed door.

“Derek? It’s Spencer. Do you think you could drop by tomorrow and bring some handcuffs to Y/N’s apartment? She said she wants to use them because they’re a lot better than my tie and-”

You grabbed your phone from his hand, ending the call and looking at him with that look.

You set the water down onto your nightstand and sat down next to him. “Spencer, what are you doing in my room? And why were you calling Derek?”

“I was making sure that I was prepared for tomorrow since you said that you maybe want to see me naked and maybe want to use handcuffs and maybe-”

“Okaaaayy, you should get to bed. Let’s go,” you grabbed his hand to lead him back to the guest bedroom but he wouldn’t budge.

“Idontwannagoooooooo,” he whined.

“Spencer…”

“Please let me stay here? You smell nice and I wanna sniffle your pillow,” he mumbled, grabbing your hand and pulling you back to him.

“I-,” you sighed, giving in to his drunken state, “Fine. You can stay here…”

He smiled, a bright beaming look on his face. “Yayyyy! And I get to sniffle your pillow?”

“I- I guess so.”

He nodded happily, pulling you into him and tossing the two of you onto the bed. He used his long arms to grab the end of your blanket and managed to roll you both into a blanket burrito.

“Y/N,” he used a single finger to poke your cheek, “did I tell you that I lovvvvveeeeeee you?”

“You did, but I think you have to say it again tomorrow when you’re not drunk.”

“But I’m not,” he rebutted.

“Yes, you are, Spencer.”

“If I was really drunk, how can I imagine what your boobs look like perfectly inside my brain?”

You wheezed, “What?”

“I remember all your measurements based on the information I collected from the many times I looked at them when you wore a tight shirt to work. Like… like the purple one and the green one and the blue one. But the purple one is my favorite.”

“Spencer-”

“I estimated the approximate size of your boobs and formed a visualization inside my brain that I use to-”

You stopped him from revealing any more embarrassing secrets that you’re sure you would come to discover later on in your possible, very possible, relationship with him in the near future. His lips moved against your delicately, eager to please you.

Spencer used his hands to rub your back and hold your waist, instinctually pulling you closer into him.

You pulled away just as he was about to slip his tongue into your mouth. “Th- that’s enough, Spence,” you giggled.

“B- but I want more,” he whined.

“I know you do, but we can do that as much as you want another time.”

His fingers worked to twirl every strand of your hair in his hands, a tender feeling connecting the two of you together. “In the jet? Can we do that in the jet?”

“Maybe,” you laughed, “If we tone it down a bit then yes, we can do it in the jet. B- but not the boob visualization thing you do. That um, that might not be too appropriate.”

“But I won’t need to do that anymore since I’ll get to see the real thing tomorrow,” he beamed, “At that point, it’ll just be recalling a memory.”

He wiped the smug smile off his face by smacking his head playfully. “Go to sleep, genius.”

“No,” he hummed into your cheek, “You’re the genius! I can sleep off the time and then tomorrow will only feel like a second from now instead of hours.”

You chuckled, “Mhm.”

“Okay, I love you.”

You smiled, a fulfilling feeling swirling in your body as you held the drunken man you so loved in your arms.

“I love you too.”

—————————————-

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[separatist-apologist]

63 for Elain, Arina, and Vassa!

63- Why are my friends so pretty?

Elain stumbled out of the bar, laughing so hard she was in danger of vomiting if she didn’t get it together. Vassa grabbed her arm, keeping her from pitching into the street while Arina teetered just behind in her absurd shoes. A line stretched down the block of hopefuls still trying to get in, eyeing the three of them with a mixture of jealousy and distaste. Elain was far too drunk to care. 

Righting herself, Elain smothered her giggles in an attempt to walk. She couldn’t multitask, not after the four tequila shots she’d done before they’d even eaten. Two more were done over a plate of nachos and Elain had to admit she was drunk. 

“How did you guys get in?” a girl halfway down the line asked. All three paused, looking her over not with disdain but pity. Elain happened to know the owner—he was dating her sisters best friend, but Elain knew how people were prioritized.

“She’s obviously hot,” her friend beside her said, taking the pressure off Elain. Elain burst into laughter again, nearly collapsing to the pavement. Arina scoffed while Vassa beamed, drinking in the praise from another woman that she would have scorned had it come from a man. They made it all the way to the end of the block, where Eris Vanserra was waiting with his car.

“Shut your lips,” Arina warned, pressed one finger against his mouth. He hadn’t said a word and if he was mad, well—Elain lacked the ability to read body language. 

Eris kissed her finger before murmuring, “Get in the car, sweetheart.”

Elain was sandwiched between her best friend. Reaching for their hands, Elain kissed Vassa and then Arina’s skin. 

“All good?” Eris asked, sliding into the passenger seat with a frown.

“No one wants to ride shotgun?”

“And talk to you?” Vassa giggled. 

“Gross,” Elain whispered in agreement while Arina held her face in her hands, shaking with laughter.

“Wonderful,” Eris grumbled. The car rolled forward, taking them away from the flashing neon lights on the sidewalk and towards

Arina’s apartment she shared with Eris. The three would pile in their bed, banishing him to a guest bedroom, and spend the night getting crumbs all over the sheets before passing out in the light of a cheesy romcom. 

“You guys are so pretty,” Elain told Vassa and Arina. “Like, so pretty. I wish there was a word for it–”

“Uh, are you forgetting hot?!” Arina demanded, earning a choking scoff from her boyfriend in the front seat. 

“Oh,” Elain agreed, feeling foolish. “Right. You guys are so hot—”

“Beautiful!” Eris interjected, earning a trio of boos and thumbs down from the three of them.

“Mind your own business!” Vassa demanded. “She knows what she means!”

“Yeah, Eris! Are you saying we’re not hot?” Arina added. Elain’s stomach churned.

“I’m telling Lucien you think we’re ugly—”

“Oh my God,” Eris grumbled. “Have any of you had any water tonight?”

“Nope!” they said in unison, dissolving into giggles all over again.

Elain was certain, though, that she was right.Her friends were absurdly pretty.

[aka-indulgence]

How does robo-skider sans deal with 'problems'? Like with humans he doesn't like with his dear 55?

(Warning: HORROR, like, the genre, not.. ht sans.. dsjkhd, but anyway there IS  murder (no gore, but still), so if you dont want that, don’t read!)

Blue eyes gaze through the windows, the home star glimmering in the distance through the blackness of space. A human was walking on the outside of the ship, a sort of advanced "tool-belt" around their middle.

Though they were wearing a suit, Sans knew this wasn't his human. He would've gone with you if he knew you were going out, and he'd know it was you in the suit from having following you around so much.

Though this time, he'd make sure you weren't around. He was sure you were at the living quarters, or maybe at the cafeteria getting breakfast. The rest of the crew should be occupied by now, having experiments to run and other various work. The man walking above is one of them, Sans isn't sure for what he was space-walking at this time, but he doesn't really care.

Crew-Member 4.

Far from the only human he despises, but definitely one that has been getting Sans' attention lately.

"It's not like you actually got fucking hurt, did you? It wasn't even that big." He spat.

Your face was red, and Sans saw your eyes water. "What the hell?! I thought everyone here knows the danger of space debris. Do you remember what happened to Sans?"

"Stop saying that, why did you even give it a name? You treating it like a pet or something?"

"You're not listening to me! Sans lost his leg-"

"You have a suit."

"Sans is made of metal! If it can tear through metal-"

"Ugh, you're so..." No. 4 trailed off, openly expressing his irritation with you. "Your job's simple. All you had to do was fix the exposed panel. Now it's still exposed. Everyone here has something important to do and no one's complaining."

"But-"

"Fine, why don't I do it? Since you're too 'in shock' to do it. I think I need to measure the radiation-disparity soon anyway..."

Sans had stepped in when you tried to argue back and No. 4 looked like he was going to yell. 'Stress-levels', he'd say. No. 4 left the room and Sans got to be alone with you, to comfort you in any way his programming limitations let him.

He’d been watching No. 4 intently since then, though not as obvious as he’d been when he was watching you. He’s aware of the man’s judgement, and Sans was clever enough not to make him think that Sans was following him. Sans was just... observing. His behavioral patterns. Nothing suspicious.

Today, Sans suspects he’s outside to try to “prove” that he can easily do your job while doing his own tasks. The arrogance he reeked... even Sans could smell it.

Sans keeps watching those legs bounding on the outside of the ship until he got to where that unfinished repair was located, and Sans skitters to the airlock.

The itsy bitsy spider climbed up the water spout.

The doors close behind him, and Sans can no longer hear anything- not just the fact that the air has been sucked out and he’s in a vacuum now, but his system turns off his “ears” automatically when he went out the ship. The only communication done outside is through radio. The door to space opens silently, and to a human exiting for the first time it would’ve been eerie.

But Sans isn’t a human, nor is this his first time.

No one could hear the clink of his legs over the ship’s exterior. No one was around to hear it anyway, even if they were right under these panels, all of them were on the other side of the ship.

Right now it’s just him and No. 4.

He was crouched down over the panel you had been fixing about... 7 day cycles ago. The one Sans had so stupidly looked away at that moment, having to fix something else, when he heard you screaming...

... no. 4 doesn’t know how terrifying it must be to lose your tether with no means of reconnecting.

If Sans could scowl, he would now.

Sans stalks closer, rage bubbling underneath his metal outer layer. He knows what he wants to do, what he wants to happen to No. 4, he just... doesn’t know how he’ll do it.

The idiot doesn’t even turn to look at him, Sans feels very lucky in that moment that sound doesn’t travel in space. Sans isn’t too far now, probably on the edge what would be the “circle” his safety protocols would allow him near a human.

... Of course this wasn’t a problem to him anymore, the last time you shut it off to fix him he had “neglected” to remind you to turn it back on.

No, he’s not stopping because of his programming. He stands there, only a bit away from No. 4. Like a predator waiting in ambush, except Sans wasn’t even hiding- there was nowhere to hide. The only reason his prey- No. 4 didn’t notice was his rapt attention on the broken panel in front of him. Broken into pieces that Sans couldn’t pick and clear properly with his size and tools that weren’t made to handle things delicately. It seemed that No, 4 wasn’t sure how to deal with it. He was just staring at it. He didn’t have a replacement. He didn’t even use your E-pad to at least get some sense into what he’s supposed to do.

Sans is partly glad he isn’t using it. The E-pad was yours, and you were somewhat fond of it, it seemed. He wouldn’t want you to lose something you liked.

As Sans stands there, processing a mile a minute on how he should go about this, he suddenly remembers to look up, turning his skull around to inspect the dark ‘sky’.

An alert system in him for when he was outside- compelling him to check for space debris at regular intervals.

And for once, Sans is actually glad to see a couple coming towards the ship where he’s standing. Perhaps from the same cluster that made you lose your footing on the ship.

Sans purposefully took his eyes off of No. 4, off his radar, then swiftly moved outside the range he predicted the space debris would hit. He watched as what seemed to be small chunks of meteorite ‘fall’ towards the ship, feeling them clunk over the metallic plating.

He connects to No. 4′s radio.

“Shit!”

Down came the rain

Sans looks up and sees that No. 4 has lost his footing and is slowly spinning vertically, flailing his arms and legs helplessly as he tries to gain some kind of support, and getting nothing.

Sans would love to spend a little more time watching him panic, but he had to do this quick.

And washed the spider out.

He shot forward, close to the tether, watching the swaying rope with intense eyelights. One hand closes around the rope to stabilize it in front of him, the other one, ready to extend his ‘cutting-claw’ to-

ACTION DENIED!

Object: Tether Rope.

TETHER ROPE IS CURRENTLY IN USE BY CREW-MEMBER 4 OUTSIDE THE SHIP. IF ACTION CONTINUES, CREW-MEMBER 4 WILL BE DISCONNECTED!

His hand stops mid-space, his programming straining against him to keep his hand from touching the rope. He tries to change tactics, extending the cutting claw on his other hand, but his other safety protocols had been activated. He was frozen.

‘Must not harm humans.’

‘Must prioritize human well-being.’

His fingers were trembling as he pushed.

only one human matters.

he is not that human.

he isn’t needed.

dispose him.

He feels as if molten metal had been casted into his joints as he tries to push his hand closer to the tether, with the ‘claw’ extended.

DENIED!

Above him, still connected to the radio, he can hear No. 4 breathing in panic, muttering curses under his breath- before Sans hears a gasp, and he looks up.

No. 4 is looking at him now, Sans can see through the visor, his eyes staring at Sans.

“What the fuck- why’d it have to be him that came for me,” he sounds disdained, filled with disgust.

the feeling’s mutual.

Sans strains harder, his legs locking up as he tries to push his claw closer to the rope- No. 4 obviously not noticing if he thinks Sans is here to help him.

His hand budges closer, then tugged further.

“The hell... are you having a fucking crash or something? Just pull the rope! You have one hand on it!”

Sans knew he should be thankful of his expressionless face, but right now he wishes No. 4 could see that he was seething with anger and hate.

he’s never liked me. nor i, him.

he was always the most vocal in hating me.

he treats me like a scrap of metal.

he probably wants to dismantle me.

No. 4 was still yelling at him, but Sans wasn’t listening. The indignation at the way he’d treated Sans over the course of his time on the ship helped budge his hand a little, but then Sans thought of something else...

Someone else No. 4 had never cared too much for.

he always tried to pressure you into doing something.

he thought you were lower than him.

he thought you weren’t important.

he was dismissive of you.

he liked to mock you.

he yelled at you.

The rage was fueling him in the battle against his programming, trying to override the wall blocking his way to freedom.

No. 4 was yelling at him.

Sans felt like poison was building inside him, from how much he wanted this man dead. But then his thoughts kept drifting away from the instances No. 4 had been rude or insulting to him.

Instead, his ‘memories’ drifted back to when he was in the room when it was only you and No. 4. How hurt and angry you looked, how you just wanted him to understand, and No. 4 had talked over you. Thought your troubles were trivial, that everyone else had ‘more important things to deal with’ and you had ‘an easy job’. When he left Sans saw you cry behind your hands, before quickly rubbing them away and you tried to put a smile on your face when you saw Sans.

No. 4 was yelling at him like he yelled at you.

“Hey you stupid robot!?” No. 4′s loud voice came back to his attention, sounding rather irritated and out of breath from how much he spent shouting. He hadn’t moved from his position on the tether, apparently too lazy to pull himself in and is just waiting for Sans to do what he’s supposed to do.

“Hello, can you hear me?” He asks in the most condescending tone. “I know you can, I’m pressing the radio button. Cut this shit out and pull me back already!”

Sans turned his skull up, away from the tether and right into his eyes.

Ṛ̶̊̐ȯ̵̟b̶̜͒͜ȩ̶̌ȓ̶͇̭t̶̩̉ visibly pales at the glare he sends him.

“... no.”

His claw cuts through the tether, with a little twang up the rope when he forces through the stubborn end.

“Wh... what?” Robert’s horrified, quiet voice was so deeply satisfying to Sans’ non-existent ears.

He feels something bubbling up inside him as he watches Robert frantically try to pull on the rope in vain, though this time the emotion inside him wasn’t anger.

“No... no no no NO!”

It was glee.

“heh.... heheheheh... heheheheheheh!”

Robert was whimpering now, breathing frantically as he drifted further, away from the ship, looking at Sans with horrified eyes.

There were no chains on him anymore. He broke his most sacred rule, and in turn broke the rest of his digital bindings.

The warnings were silent, absent. There was nothing holding him back.

Robert was still, staring at Sans. “No... no this isn’t... this isn’t real, you’re... you’re just an machine, you can’t...”

“oh...” Sans purred, delighting in the fact that he actually purred his words, “but i can.”

The ship was slowly spinning. The nearest star had “risen” and cast a bright light over him and Robert, sharp shadows falling away, forming Sans’ into a horrible stretched version of his body; legs thin and sharp.

Sans tilted his head at the floating figure in the distance, his eyes crinkling in a way he wasn’t able to do in the past. It feels so liberating to be able to show emotion, even just a little bit of expression on his face. It especially felt good when he could see that Robert was shaking in his suit. He knew- Sans was really smiling at him.

“farewell, robert.”

Out came the sun

Robert was screaming now, listening to Sans’ manic laughing through the radio. Music.

And dried up all the rain.

Sans relished in the sounds of him shouting until his words turned into non-sense, which then turned into loud, wracking sobs as he mourned his own death. The oxygen of the suit could last for a few hours- the last few hours he’ll spend drifting further and further from safety.

Oh how he longed to finally see him suffer.

Though his smile was unmoving, it felt more like a smirk as Sans returned to the airlock, letting his radio shift to static for Robert. His last interaction with something ‘living’ being his murderer.

The doors parted, and Sans walks in, back to the ship, as if he was back from usual business.

And the itsy bitsy spider climbed up the spout again.

[rexsjaigeyes]

I want to ask if you have any thots on which clone boy would be the most patient with a partner who might take a while to cum (anyone on antidepressants might know what I mean here) and who'd be the most loving and make you still feel sexy even when you feel like you're killing the mood 🥺 (i hope this is okay to ask you)

Yes my lovely anon, this is a sweet thot and I'm honored you came to me with it 💕

I like to think that the vast majority of clones would be patient and caring lovers. But here are some who came to mind first:

Rex is the biggest gentleman in the GAR; he would be so sweet to you and wouldn't pressure you about anything. He is an extremely patient man, and if he feels like you're getting frustrated or upset about how long it's taking, he will do his best to help you relax and get you back into the right mindset (only if you still feel like going). Your pleasure is his pleasure, so he prioritizes making sure you're comfortable and ready for whatever he has in mind. That means lots of foreplay and taking his time to focus only on your body and how you feel. Sometimes you feel guilty, like you're forcing him to have blue balls while he only focuses on touching your body. But he always reassures you that he's a soldier — he is patient, and he can handle it.

We constantly talk about how Fives is the best pussy eater in the GAR and could stay down there for hours, so I feel like he should have an honorable mention. He definitely has the patience to make sure you're comfortable and feeling good. But even though he's kinda got that more confident mentality that he could make you cum as many times as possible, he never gets upset if it just doesn't happen. He never wants to pressure you or make you feel like you have to cum in a certain time frame or even at all if you aren't feeling it that night. If you're uncomfortable with anything, he'd much rather spend his time snuggled up to you and talk to you about all the things he missed while he was off fighting.

I’ve mentioned a lot about patience with Rex and Fives, so now let's focus on who helps you feel sexy even when you start to slip out of that mindset (ofc this is under the assumption that you consented to keep going).

Dogma is extremely understanding when you feel like you're having a hard time getting there. The first time you're together, it's a bit awkward because he asks a bunch of questions as you go: "does this feel okay," and things like "do you want me to eat you out or get more lube instead?" And all the questions kinda take you out of it for a moment, because he's being so kind but it's making you focus on the fact that you just aren't getting to the end. Eventually though, Dogma learns all your body language and what helps you stay in the moment even when your body doesn't seem to be working with you. Once he's comfortable with you, he knows he doesn't have to check in with you every five seconds, so he makes it his mission to make you feel sexy no matter how long it takes to get you there. He peppers reassuring kisses all over your body, and his hands take their time in massaging every inch of you. He takes his time with you, trying to build up your pleasure slowly so that you don't feel pressured to rush anything. And if nothing happens, he still reminds you how sexy you are in his eyes. The main way he does this is through praise, so expect lots of loving praise from Dogma no matter what happens. He just adores you so much, and never wants you to feel like you did anything wrong.

Some more honorable mentions:

Waxer – patient, loving, tries to help you feel sexy but never pushes you to keep going if you feel uncomfortable

Wrecker – extremely patient, knows that sometimes these things take a while and he's willing to wait

Echo – empathizes with you and knows what it's like to feel like something in your body's not working with you, is willing to take all the time in the world to help you feel good

Cody – never half-asses anything and will do anything in his power to make you feel sexy and make sure you feel good. He'll stop if you want him to, but otherwise he will keep going until you cum; it's like he makes it his personal mission

And that's all I could come up with for now. Hopefully this makes sense, it was purely stream of consciousness lol. Thanks for the lovely thot, sweet anon 💕

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 30/?)

Chapter 30: Where the Skies End

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • 19 • 20 • 21 • 22 • 23 • 24 • 25 • 26 • 27 • 28 • 29 • 30 • more coming soon

[ You can also read on AO3 ]

Unsurprisingly, and much to your frustration, Connor had finished the move without you. There might not have been much left to move at that point; but, it was your stuff at a house that you rented, and not Connor's responsibility in the slightest.

But, there was no telling the android that, and you knew that he would have been well equipped with plenty of reasons as to why he could handle the rest of the move alone: you needed rest, he didn't require sleep, etc, etc.

When you stepped off the elevator into the android's - and now your - apartment, Connor had a look on his face, as if you had come home for the first time in years. You had only spent a week at Hank's place, and only a day and some odd hours at the hospital prior to that, and Connor had been nearly inseparable from you the entire time; yet, it felt like ages since you had been here.

It was only then that the weight of your near death experience became apparent. Before, your life, or the loss of it, wouldn't have impacted anyone else. It was just you in that little house, trying to make a living, picking up the pieces of a war and watching humanity change astronomically.

Now, there was a life that would be changed if you were gone. You let yourself imagine how Connor would cope, what would become of him, and struggled to keep the sorrow to yourself.

Perhaps, for the first time in your life, you knew what it was like to be needed.

Your wound healed remarkably in the weeks that followed. The scar left behind was star shaped and your skin was darkened around the sunken surface. But, you didn't find yourself hating it as much as you thought you would.

It wasn't something you looked at with pain or regret, but rather something prideful. Maybe there was something masochistic about it, not that you found yourself bothered by that realization.

Your coworkers thought it looked 'pretty cool' and declared that it made you 'quite the badass'. Now, you could wear the badge of 'I've been shot', with a bizarre story to tell. You didn't care if people thought it was strange, letting yourself get shot for an android.

Connor was much more than 'just' an android. He was the man you loved, who carried an astronomical burden you could barely understand. Sure, you could judge the weight, the pressure; but, you, an ordinary human, couldn't possibly understand what he felt as the target of a revolution that would change humanity forever.

The thoughts became clearer as you and Connor stepped into Haven for the last time, and you took in the emptiness, the quiet, and the cold.

"One moment," Connor advised you, stepping away and into the open space in the center of the room.

RK800, like all androids, had no true sense of temperature. Connor couldn't feel cold the way humans did. His artificial skin wasn't going to prickle with goosebumps and his muscles wouldn't shiver from the discomfort.

His HUD could report the weather if he enabled it and he had various feedback modules to inform him of how the temperature would affect a human, with the rightful assumption one would be in his presence.

Yet, despite this very well known limitation of his being, Connor couldn't explain how he managed to feel so cold as he stood there in the very abandoned Haven.

He was aware that warmth could be metaphorical, symbolic of belonging and comfort. His sense of cold was both literal and figurative in this sense. Without any machines running, all the lights turned off, Haven had become very cold. The halls, once busy with androids, were now empty, and the building was silent if not for the creaking walls.

-until someone walked through the distant corridor, their quiet footsteps rattling in Connor's acute hearing module.

There was an apology on the tip of Connor's tongue when he caught the sight of Markus. However, the RK200's stare wasn't cold or untrusting. There was something undeniably regretful on his face, conveying sympathy to the fellow android.

Markus' mismatched eyes caught the sight of you over Connor's shoulder, and spared a sad expression.

The two androids had agreed to meet here, for the last time in circumstances like this, hopefully. Once the final bill was passed, and androids would be proper citizens, there would be no need for this.

However, Connor had yet to obtain a definitive lead on Reaves' accomplices. This, at the very least, could provide some security for the androids that came before him.

"I know you didn't want me to," Markus began. "But, I will tell them it's from you. They should know."

"It's... your choice," Connor replied quietly, hoping to mask the uncertainty in his tone.

The two androids took each other's wrists, pushing the fabric of their jackets out of the way to touch skin to skin. Connor knew that Markus trusted him. He took the file without even bothering to scan it first. Only once it was already saved on his local system did he bother to analyze it.

The detective android had worked on that during your recovery week, while he laid beside you in low power mode. He reviewed the log files on his internal firewall over a thousand times, and crafted additional security protocols, specifically designed around write protection. Factory defaults, if he could help it, would be near impossible.

Markus could share this new code with other androids. If Connor failed to stop it in time, at the very least, their memory modules would be protected from brute force attacks, cyberlife certified or otherwise.

As their hands parted, Connor seemed to understand why he felt so cold. He had grown accustomed to how your skin felt - how human skin felt. Even when you weren't acutely aware of it, you were always warm.

"You're one of us," Markus declared, his hand dropping to his side. "We couldn't have done this without you. Your sacrifices need to be known."

"Sacrifices," Connor parroted quietly, doubtful.

He thought about Reaves' disbelief, at how he prioritized saving your life over securing the future of his kind. He could have killed you, carried on the mission, secured all of the chips and brought the android protestors to absolute surrender.

But, he didn't.

Before you, what had he gambled, if not his own life? A life that, by the very words of his creators, didn't exist, was meaningless, just programs executed in succession. He had questioned the very existence of his own life, but so had every android before him.

Still, the determined look on Markus' face didn't falter.

"Until we meet again," he offered, nodding at his fellow android. His eyes landed on yours before he turned away, and you offered him a sad, small wave.

As Connor passed, he took his hand in yours and guided you out of the building with careful steps. It was unnecessary to bring you here, but he understood the importance of goodbyes, and didn't want you to believe your efforts here had been in vain.

You expected to be driven home after that; however, as you climbed into the car, Connor asked, "would it be alright if we went to the park for some fresh air?"

"-'course," you replied softly, shifting your gaze from the android's face to look out the window.

Connor was uncharacteristically quiet during the drive, his hands gripping the steering wheel in a death lock. You didn't pay much mind to it, figuring he was stressed after everything that had happened. You had been the one on death's door; yet, Connor was the one seemingly always on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

It was worrying; but, you knew he needed to work through it in his own way.

At the park, Connor had hoped you would head straight for the bridge, to a place you had cherished so much. If his research was accurate, this needed to be done at a special place. As he followed you slowly up the curve, feet tapping against the boards, a wave of doubt washed over him.

You looked stunning, standing upright for the first time in weeks, with pep in your step, the sun soaking up your hair. Could he really have this? Could he even think himself allowed for such a thing? Could an android truly understand the needs of a human?

"You alright?" you called out to him, pausing before you reached the apex of the bridge.

It snapped him out of his stupor, and Connor replied softly, "I'm fine."

You continued and he followed, counting the steps despite how unnecessary it was. The android knew he had never been this scared in his life. This type of sensation was really, really unpleasant. His processors were giving him ridiculous warnings that didn't pertain at all to the situation.

He shut off the alerts and met you at the top of the bridge. His hand slid over the railing, analyzed the material as a strong timber, coated with a lacquer color called 'cedar brown', manufactured by-

Connor quickly closed the analyzed results, realizing how pointless that was. He was distracting himself, busying his processor with his manufactured purpose to avoid something he was definitely not made for.

At the top of the bridge, you turned to the man standing beside you, just in time to see him deactivate his human skin. His gaze met yours, and you smiled at the sight of RK800, as he was made, without the imitation of human-likeness.

For a moment, he stood there and let the heat of the sunlight catch on his sensor processors. The human tone of his factory issued skin flickered back on briefly before shutting back off, as Connor mentally questioned if he should do it like this.

The sudden nervous expression on his face, and his flickering pallet, had you concerned. In the sunlight, you could catch the subtle flaws in the design of his optics: the faint glimmer of a camera lens hidden beneath the almost perfect human appearance.

"Are you sure you're okay?" you asked, suddenly reaching for him. Your hand fell into the curve of his elbow.

"There's-" Connor began, stopping himself when a jogger passed the bridge. He was silent until they were gone.

"There's something important I need to ask you," Connor explained, his voice quiet and hoarse. "I'm sorry for not being more forthcoming. I was afraid."

Despite the obvious implications of what that question was, your head swarmed with the worst possibilities. The detective android, who had stormed a building of armed men to rescue you, who never hesitated to take a bullet for anyone, was afraid of something?

"Connor," you murmured, his name falling from your lips without purpose. The concern, however, was heavy in your tone.

"Before I ask, you need to know that you can refuse. There is no obligation, despite what we have been through. I won't hold any negative feelings towards you. From my research, this is premature, and I apologize for that," Connor babbled.

"What?" you blurted. "Connor, what are you - what's wrong?" you insisted, pitch rising as you started to panic.

"Nothing is wrong," he replied sharply.

He stepped back, just enough to create a few inches between you. You watched him reach into his coat pocket and pull out a small box. Mind hazy with the aftermath of Reaves' attack, you feared Connor was going to present you with evidence, that the case had taken a dangerous turn, or even inform you with the worst possible news.

But, then, Connor, cupping the small box in his palm, knelt down onto one knee. He looked up at you, brown eyes bright in the sunlight, android skin white as freshly fallen slow, failing to conceal the crease in his brow as worry sank in. The box opened, but you were too focused on his face to bother looking inside.

"Will you marry me?"

You could have laughed, at yourself, really, for thinking he was going to talk to you about Reaves, about factory-resetting computer chips, and the potential downfall of androids.

Instead, you let out a choked gasp. It was pathetically wet and embarrassingly loud. It all came pouring out before you could even think to stop it. Connor's nervous expression melted into panic when you started crying hysterically.

He was shifting to stand up, an apology hot on his tongue. He could feel his processors heating up, threatening to lock up at the sight of your tear-soaked face. It had his internal processes soaring, questioning if he had misinterpreted your relationship, your feelings for him.

You flung yourself into him before he could stand up, knocking the jewelry box right out of his hand. It clattered noisily on the bridge. If Connor was human, he would have followed; but, he was sturdy and, even unprepared, managed to stay upright as you crashed into him. His knees hit the bridge and his hands cautiously cupped your back.

"Yes!" you cried out, pressing your cheek into his coat, some odd centimeters from his thirium pump.

Your arms squeezed at his back, hands clawing into the thick fabric of his coat. Connor was unmoving, stiff where you clung to him. The artificial movements he made to appear more human had ceased, and you briefly feared he had powered down.

"Yes," you declared again, softer this time, squeezing him even tighter.

Finally, his systems relented and he properly relayed to his processor what you had just said. His arms wound around your back and, for the first time in weeks, Connor hugged you tightly, as if he wasn't afraid that he might hurt you. You could feel the tightening of his fingers tugging at your blouse, the thirium pump in perfect beats inside his chassis.

"Yes," you said again.

His cheek fell against your hairline and he closed his eyes. He wanted to dig his fingers past the fabric of your clothes, to feel your skin in a hopeless attempt to interface. Even if he could only reach your body, even if your mind was out of reach, that was good enough.

"Yes," again.

For now, the ring laid forgotten in its case, the jewelry box sitting some odd feet away, flipped on its side.

[saintobio]

Plss no one is talking about the shade Mc threw to sera like 🏃‍♀️😽👌 ma'am I love the slow, very personal and the push and pull her character goes through to build herself up how she chooses!!!!! to stand on her hold and respect herself and that's so mature???? yet so hard to maintain here ngl when you are hurt repeatedly so much I'm so inspired by how Mc is so regal and mature in her ways and so good to the zenin kids and has such a deep and valuable connection with toji like apart from everything, just two very emotionally wounded yet strong people being together is so good to see! Also I wish she was less lenient towards the people that demean her you know 😥😭 but she's building herself up on her own and working and investing and choosing herself!! LOVE THE CHARACTER PLEAEEEE

Anonymous said

I’m so sorry for clogging up ur inbox, just wanted to say I’m so happy for yn, all the chapters so far have made me so sad for y/n (which means u really did a good job building up angst and conflict!) but like! Yes! We have been scheduled for some vindication! Yes, y/n! We’re starting to get some of that sweet sweet karma served up!

I stan a fashionista kween who prioritizes herself first! Who doesn’t take shit from some bitch wearing a tacky dress that wasn’t even fit to be her back up choice (no shade to Elie Saab I love their dresses but S*ra could make anything look tacky)! Also, the attention seeker line HIT THE SPOT. I know it enraged me when he called her that in the beginning of their marriage, and the fact that she threw that back in his face—YES GIRL GO OFF.

Also, idk yet what naoya is doing but YES he is quickly becoming a problematic fave for this fic. YES, go play s*ra like a fiddle, you fuccboi! Idk what you’re doing but keep doing it!

Also I love how you included bits of s*ra’s private life. Like, yikes, anger issues much? She has this weird obsession with y/n and having her sloppy seconds—gojo, that dress, etc. I bet she’d stub her toe while in her room and start screaming about how it’s y/n’s fault like ok keep screaming Felicia.

Also, I was wondering, will we see y/n and/or gojo being friends with yuuta? I know you mentioned before that he doesn’t have many friends because he was bullied for his mother being a social climber. I feel bad for him because he seems like a sweet kid (must have gotten it from his dad LMAO). It would be nice if y/n would introduce him to the zenin kids (except for naoya) and they’d all be pals.

Lastly I’d like to say I hope you feel better! Please don’t feel pressured to upload by the exact deadline! Writing is hard especially if you’re doing it for free and have a life outside of it. We all understand! Please prioritize yourself first!

Anonymous said

Ik gojo’s doing his best, but I think that he needs to suffer from the fall, karma he deserves and be exposed for his wrongdoings before he can actually start to TRULY redeem himself for Y/N. It shouldn’t be as easy as just breaking it off with Sera. He needs to suffer a lot first. Also, I hate Sera so fucking much I’d shave her head and have a boxing match w her for abusing Satoru, hurting Y/N, ruining their marriage, and hurting her loving family. She is a manipulative gold digging woman who knows nothing but to kiss her ass and victimize herself sighs I’m gonna rip your organs apart girl dont u ever exist irl u bring out a vulgar side of me. I’m poor too but thats no excuse to have a personality worse than horseshit like hers ✋

Anonymous said

i just finished reading the latest chapter of sn and wow…. that was so good i have no words.

first of all i’m so glad that sera isn’t pregnant but even if she isn’t i totally get y/n getting a divorce and i’m so glad that she’s putting herself first. like even though sera isn’t pregnant satoru never felt the need to let her know that a pregnancy scare had happened; even when she asked if he had anything to say.

i get that satoru’s trying to become better and i can see that, but too much has happened in the relationship for them (satoru and y/n) to be happy together. the fact that satoru won’t talk about his wrongdoings in the past and work things out is a major show of this. like instead he’s just trying to pretend everything that’s happened before has never happened.

since u mentioned that the sequel(?) to sn will be a time skip i could be down to y/n and satoru getting together then since they’ll have had time to move on and grow but only IF satoru will accept what he’s done wrong.

sorry this is kinda long i just really love this book sm lol. i hope u feel better now and have a great day <3

Anonymous said

so happy y/n is putting herself first, she shoulda hurt him more and filed for an annulment, pretend it never happened lol. no but fr it needs to happen, im so glad shes getting away from hoejo. i dont want them together at all, but if they ever do, they rly need this time apart (y/n does anyway, she needs to work on herself for all the shit hes put her through. the emotional abuse she’s felt has been so hurtful to c, and if she does still wanna be with him after it all, then that’s on her, but at least it can be on HER own terms, when she’s able to think clearly after she’s healed and not b manipulated by outside factors to stay in something that’ll just hurt her and could do irreparable damage and not just mentally).

also lowkey mad abt ieiri? regardless of how horribly disgusting (redacted) is, i dislike how just bc hoejo and y/n r married, it’s expected that y/n should automatically just stay w him despite all he put her thru? and she knows it too?

its y toji (i feel) is best chara tbh bc hes the only one that i feel actually cares abt y/n and whats best for her, while others just expect this and that from y/n all bc of their history and past. y/n has done more than enough, and i’m wondering if this is going to be the eye opener y/n needs to fully focus on herself (yk how some ppl have epiphanies when they’re out of a toxic relationship and find their selfworth?) nothing more tragically sad to c than a beautiful woman stuck in such a relationship and doesnt know whats shes worth.

n t wayz, love ur writing girl! ik u answered this some time ago too, but do u still have plans to continue vampire suna? or were u planning to just focus on sn and pt 2 when it comes out? been missing suna ngl and im still hurt over wastelands fam (´༎ຶོρ༎ຶོ`)

@valoruzky said

Thanks for fueling the fire we have for Sera's toxicity like FUCK, SHE'S SO FREAKING ABUSIVE NOT ONLY EMOTIONALLY TO SATORU, BUT PHYSICALLY TOO. SHE'S ALSO VERBALLY ABUSIVE TO HER MOTHER JUST BECAUSE OF A DAMN FOOD AND MOANING FOR NOT HAVING A BIG SPACE IN THEIR HOUSE. I kinda hate to admit it but I'm starting to feel bad for Gojo because not only he was physically assaulted by his father in his life, Sera also abused him by gaslighting him and hurting him physically.

As for Gojo, one word. COMMUNICATION. How to settle things with wife? COMMUNICATION. How to explain things? COMMUNICATION. Is it that hard for you to explain everything? If you could just use your heart and mouth to talk things out to your wife, you could've cleared out the misunderstandings about the pregnancy and the current status between you and Sera. Fuck, if Gen somehow finds out her little sis divorced you, she'll kick your pretty ass.

As for Sera's character progress, a big round of applause to Saint! At firstz you made the readers to sympathize with her because of her life status and how she has to work her life hard to achieve things—which is something everyone can relate to. I love the way you made her pretty like every attractive antagonist in literature and comics/manga/manhwa so far (*cough* Trashta and Sovieshu). However, you made another reason for readers to hate her by fleshing out her personality (and yes, her personality hits close to home) and as the chapter progresses, she becomes way more worse. She became so desperate to win back Gojo and her attempts to ruin Y/N because she's so deluded to her "poor-girl-rich-prince-charming" fairytale, and becoming even more narcissistic and toxic to others, even to her own family. You're one of those writers whom I look up too because I want to write a good fic too so thank you so much.

Also, can I ask about Y/N's reaction? What would be her reaction if Gojo somehow found a courage to talk to her about his status with Sera and how he broke things with her and he's got nothing to her anymore? How would Y/N react if she finds out herself about Sera's pregnancy not being true all this time? What will be the odds?

Anonymous said

I have to ask, if hoejo and the mc worked it out and stayed. What if they have a big fight like the one in Bora Bora? Will Hoejo act the same way and do things to hurt the mc? Also, does Hoejo actually find the mc to be beautiful the same way he did sera? If another one woman comes along just like sera in the beginning, would he fall for her the same.

His love seems to border the line of obsession(he loves HARD and WRONG) and I firmly believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. Especially we’re dealing with Hoejo here.

Something that stuck with me and really hurt was in chapter ten when the mc said, “you took all my first and made fun of me!” He STILL never actually apologize for that, instead it seems like he was trying to push sex even more. Does he actually regret the way he took the mc’s first time and it’s just his way of trying to make it right by having sex the right way?

I was honestly expecting the mc to pull a Gone Girl. Like go on sis, fake your own death, make them all pay! This chapter was such a rollercoaster and I like how you had us all focus on sera and the step mom for the 50th anniversary to cause a scene instead of the reader but honestly, as much as I love the two of them together, I think the mc needs this. She needs to find happiness on her own and not have it revolved and catered to others. She needs or learn to love herself and she’s not going to get any of that by staying with him. As frustrating as it was to read, I don’t blame the mc for not clearing the air about whether sera was pregnant or not. Imagine the headaches and confusion of having to deal with a man who treats you like shit one minute then treats you like you hung the moon the next. Hoejo has said so many thing, basically drilled, things into the mc head that can’t be easily done by a few words and less genuine gestures. 

I can’t wait to see how far sera will go now. She’s becoming delusional and it’s scary because she’s blaming all of this on the mc for no reason. Deep down sera knows she can’t have a future with Hoejo but she’s so unhinged and Hoejo is partially to blame for her behavior, there’s no coming back for sera, she is a lost cause.

Honestly though, I do fear for Hoejo because I feel like his dad is going to hurt him really bad and instead of standing up for himself he’s going to just take it. View it as a means of karma for hurting the mc but there isn’t much else he can do. Hoejo was too late in trying to fix his wrongs. He may of been scared at first to love the mc(since it’s always been her🙄) but that is still no excuse for the way he treated. No one deserved that and I am glad he’s paying for it.

Thank you for writing this chapter and for hopefully answering a few of my questions. I hope you’re feeling better drink plenty of water and get lost of rest. You deserve it💗💗

@mikiminaccch said

omfff what does naoya think of y/n?

TBH i’m starting to ship gojo n y/n again cus shoko was like ‘it’s always been her’ oOoooh i see 😋

but i gotta know!! what if naoya is causing all that trouble to push y/n towards toji? i know y/n loves gojo but she doesn’t see him as redeemable— for now so there may be a possibility ? if not as partners but as ultra besties ((bc having y/n on their side would also be a high asset)) !! haha i’m really enjoying how everything is unfolding!!

also thank you for writing this chapter and for resting!! despite some people’s actions, ur health means a lot to us, readers t___t take as much time as you need to rest, saint 🥺

Anonymous said

hi!! I really loved this chapter!

you said that naoya likes and respects(?) y/n so naoya is only toying with sera more because he knows she’s a horrible person or on his own terms?

how did sera feel when y/n told her about the wedding reception dress and “don’t ever embarrass (I think that’s what she said sorry bad memory) yourself like that again in front of me” ?

the entire thing with gojo saying “she’s not entitled” I know that had sera’s blood BOILING 💀

tbh sera is finally getting the universal ass whoopin she deserves, even if it’s kind of small.

the entire thing with sera insulting her own mom made me want to punch the screen oml. like girl you have a caring mom who’s worried about you and the only thing that’s on your mom is the man you were cheating with????

her making fun of lower class truly shows what kind of woman she is, she’s so quick to turn on people and that’s why she has no one to care about her 🤷🏻‍♀️

anyways, great chapter!!! I love your work!!

@honouredsatoru said

yn not wanting to communicate with gojo makes things worse tbh. i dont hate her, not at all, i understand where she's coming from. growing up, i've seen dramas where the female lead would get their hearts hurt by their loved ones and they put on this cold facade in order to get their revenge served better, but at times, i realized how much it hurts them more then the betrayal itself. especially when they had to force themselves to act the opposite of how they really are. all this assumptions and overthinking isnt good for your heart, yn. please. please talk it out with gojo. i have so much love for these two and i genuinely believe that they still love and crave for once another, its just that they lack communication and i blamed gojo for the pain he caused her to feel. in shorter words, yn and gojo need some therapy lmaooo. anyway, brilliant chapter and ofc writing, as always, saint <3

@atsunflower said

I wont do a deep chapter analisys because well damn, I really wasn't expecting it. Every single paragraph was amazing and thank god you surprised me.

Kudos to naoya, tho. He is the most interesting character so far, because he isn't doing it by the evil in his heart, well, he is, but there's also a reason why he is doing it (Im enjoying the pettiness between business rivals) and I really love his cunning personality with my whole heart.

And GIRL the way Sera was humiliated. Damn, I don't really like rich rich people stomping over the poor but she asked for it. Y/N was so damn classy at it too, it's def my favorite scene in tge whole story.

That's all, Saint. Thanks for sharing SN with us.

Anonymous said

Hi I'm new here! Just started reading the series about 2 weeks ago because of a friend but I fell in love instantly that I binged all 10 chapters that day (there were only 10 when I started lol) and I would like to thank you for all the love and hard work you put into this masterpiece. I haven't really read any Gojo fics since he's not my first favorite in jjk but SN made me have a little crush on him. I enjoyed every chapter of this story even though I got hurt a lot by the angst. Even though MC already announced a divorce this chapter, I'm still hoping that it wouldn't really happen. I'm still hoping that she'd give another chance for Satoru to prove his genuine feelings for her and she'd see just how true they are now. Also I wanna say the way you write Sera is so good that I wanna rip off her hair every time she's mentioned in the story. At first I really did understand her because I know what it's like to be poor and to feel like the world is always against you. But she's proven the readers eventually how she's a gold digging bitch and while she does love Satoru, I think she loves his money even more.

I still have a lot of things to say but I'll stop here. I really appreciate you for sharing SN with us and I'm very much looking forward to the future chapters! :) - 🌸

anaexorcist said

Omg I actually made it to an open inbox…..thank you so much for always giving us the good good even when your health is at risk 😭 when I remembered you updated I dropped everything and practically ran over…..my heart was beating so fast and my reactions were all out loud the whole time. Thank you so much - I’m obsessed with y/n’s dad’s reaction 😭 you can tell how much he loves and trusts his daughter and just AUGH looking forward to maybe another Sera’s POV bc I wanna see her rage after y/n’s comment re:her dress lmao. And if I can ask - was Toji in on Naoya bringing Sera to the mall? Because the timing was suspicious…..anyway looking forward to the next update. Also I saw you posted “Ain’t Shit” by Doja Cat in reference to SN and I lmao’d bc I wanted to tell you how much I thought it related to your story when the album dropped but askbox was closed at the time 🤣 glad it found its way to you anyway!

Anonymous said

someone said "he doesn't deserve shit" yes he does? 😭 from the beginning he, too, was put in a really tough situation and i thought everyone understood that. yeah, he messed up, he has been terrible and it's not that i don't think he shouldn't pay for that but really gojo's dad intentions on making gojo marry yn is not his fault like that does not affect them at all if he genuinely loves yn now. either way, he wouldn't have been able to do anything even if he didn't want to. i dont get why we're blaming everything on him. his only mistake was being with sera and hurting yn, the rest of the things happening around them and his family's wickedness is not his fault. anyways, yeah he deserves it i was just saying i feel bad because now nobody wants to give him a chance and listen to him when it's the MOST evident he's trying so far in the whole series.

Anonymous said

Lol that boutique scene went like:

Sera: 😉

Toji: 😒

Toji: 😒

I gotta say I'm just glad that the mistress isn't living the life she thinks she deserved. Well done Naoya for making her seem more dumb than we all already know nyahaha. I still have faith that the main couple will eventually reconcile. Gojo better put up a fight on that divorce. Beg her if he will and prove himself no matter how long it takes him. (LIKE, PLEASE! DO THAT!) Suffer how Y/N suffered before (not exactly with the infidelity but ykwim?). Unlike Sovieshu, he still has the chance to fix things yk (like, both sides still need to agree before a divorce is finalized).

Y/N isn't originally cold-hearted so even if she claims that she's done with him, I knew deep inside she still wants to be with him. I trust that those two will get together, maybe not in this season but hopefully in the end they will 💜. Yes, bc despite everything I'm still rooting for Gojo x Y/N. I see him really trying so when Y/N mentioned wanting a divorce, I was 😨🥺🤧😵 for him, too. Am I an apologist? Yea, ig, 😅 not that it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️

Like literally, just talk to each other, you two! Discuss the things that's bothering you both! I often say this to my parents whenever they have disagreements because I am utterly annoyed whenever they accuse each other based only on "assumptions". Like, idc, if they think I'm siding with anyone, I'd still give the benefit of the doubt when no proof is provided and listen to both sides before making my own judgements 😠

Anyway, thank you for even giving us an update and answering asks despite your condition. You don't have to make this a regular thing because, really, it's a hobby and not a job ppl 😅 Nonetheless, I appreciate you taking time to cater to everyone despite the rude others. I cannot emphasize this enough but drink lots of water esp with 🌡 body temp! 🥺

—🤓, ya probably annoyed with me now, too, ehe 😅

Anonymous said

Hey I hope you're doing much better and you're resting well ! I just want to say that the latest chapter of sn left me speechless, like for r e a l. I was was overjoyed to see that Sera was indeed not pregnant (thank the heavens ! ), but the number of times I had to put down my phone to take a minute with everything that happened... Oh boy, I just lost count :') When y/n said that she wanted a divorce in front of everyone my mouth was wide open hdhsjauffej. A part of me was like "Yes ! You go queen ! 👑💅🏻" but the other part was completely shattered because I was thinking that, if only y/n and Satoru communicated with each other better I think that things would be completely different and that eventually somewhere down the line things could've been better for them :( God I was hoping for somewhat of a good ending for those two but as the story progresses that hope is slowly dissipating :')

Anonymous said

Why do I have a feeling that Sera is going to find out mc’s disease rather than Gojo, I just have a feeling he’ll be the last to know about their disease, and I also honestly feel bad for Gojo though, he finally decided to change his path way to have his own run way which is to change himself for Mc, however, it was blocked off when Mc had officially decided to divorce him— which I gotta say YOU GO MC YOU GO 😩😩‼️‼️‼️ LEAVE HIM

Honestly though, amazing mf chapter EVER. She honestly deserved to leave him especially the many things she had gone through because of him. ummm…Moving on, I know you’ve said that in the end Gojo will be the one suffering, so I’m going to guess that this is the start of it!!! I know Gojo was hurting the last few chapters BUTTT this is the official start to ME‼️ because it shows a lot of Gojo wanting to change and Mc breaking it up by saying she’s getting a divorce!! It’ll basically be the opposite of what happened from the start, Gojo is going to be the one Mc’s shoes from the very start of the marriage, however the only difference is that they are divorced.

ANYWAYSS I LOOK FORWARD WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN IN THE NEXT CHAPTER ‼️‼️

Anonymous said

hey saint!! i hope you had a great day and that you feel better now. this chapter was AMAZING and i really wanted to comment on it

first of all, i hate sera. honestly i didn't know what could be worse than threatening gojo to kill herself, but this.... istg my heart shattered when i read what she did

this chapter really turned me into a gojo apologist and i really want yn x satoru to be endgame. at first i was all for yn x toji but it seems like he's more like a mentor to her (i still want her to have a taste of that dick tho, she deserves it after all she's been through)

i wanted to hug him when the ugly musty raggedy smelly bitch was hitting him, poor boy didn't need more trauma

also mc??? queen shit??? how she put sera in her place it was so embarrassing for her omfg

i really want to know where this divorce story is gonna go and i think i have an idea for the ending of s1 hehe

also naoya💀💀 "eula is like a mother to me"..................im gonna pretend i didnt see anything...........

but id like to thank him for making sera embarrass herself that way

id also like to talk about the parallel between shitra (sera) and shitla (eula) and how they were both dressed so extravagantly it wasn't even beautiful anymore, it really showed the lack of taste🙄 a musty bitch in a 4m dress stays a musty bitch, stop trying to be classy when you're just trashy

anyway. im really excited to see what's next and how the story will end!!

thank you for all the effort you put in your work, the chapter was a true masterpiece

don't forget to take care of yourself♡

Anonymous said

saint pls this update hurt me more than i thought was possible (LMAO i feel like i say that every time i chime in w my thoughts) i rlly do love yn w all my heart and yeah realistically i would've told her to divorce him as soon as the mf honeymoon but tHis iS suPPosEd to bE a gOjo x REadeR???!!! i have so SO many mixed feelings as always. on one hand i'm rooting for yn and i'm so fkn glad she announced how she wants a divorce but on the other hand omfg this could be solved w some mf communication god i'm so pissed. i'm annoyed w gojo who isn't clear w his intents and emotions (and yes i'm still mad at the fact that him and his dad are using yn for business) but i'm also kinda upset that yn's not abt that confrontation life bc if she talked abt it before then the misunderstanding could have been avoided?? it still could've reached the same conclusion but idk man i think i just hoped that yn's badass bitch arc would mean calling gojo out on his bs :/// i get that she could've not wanted to bring up seeing gojo and s*ra at the hospital bc she herself is trying to hide her heart condition. plus tbh she has no reason being fully transparent around people who have done nothing but undermine and disrespect her. ultimately i rlly do see why she said it at the table. she's tried for so long to understand others and get a straight answer but she can only take so much bullshit and pain. but GOD i rlly do wish there could be a happy ending without the heavy angst tag staring me down >,<

omg also HA s*ra wearing a dress yn rejected for her wedding reception and toji not even looking at her for more than a minute had me fuckin WEAK i'm all for the s*ra slander and i truly hope she ends up working at mcd or smth. sometimes i don't understand cancel culture but istg it's #cancelsera2k21. if things ever clear up between yn and gojo, you know word will spread and she prob won't be able to get another corporate job

anyways thank you for another great update!! i hope you're feeling better and that you have a wonderful weekend! stay hydrated and stay safe!

much love, 😔

Anonymous said

thank you sm saint, amazing chapter as always!! and i hope you’re feeling better, please don’t rush yourself and take all the time you need to write this series <3

my heart sank a little when gojo walked into the room in matching pj’s and innocently asked reader to watch movies with him, with no ill intentions :,) and when he was sending her text messages OMG i want them to be endgame so bad!!!! it’s looking inevitable rn BUT this is technically a gojo x reader fanfic, so my hopes remain somewhat high🙏

tbh they have some serious communication issues, i’m sure they could both improve their relationship if they both sit down with each other and get everything off their chests :/ hopefully in the upcoming chapters y/n will find out the truth about sera and gojo which she desperately needs to bring the relationship back. and i hope gojo will be okay... if i were him i wouldn’t be running out of the venue for y/n, but running from dadjo instead /j

and Y/N TO SERA AT THE END AAAAAAA I WANTED TO SCREAM LIKE YESSSSSSSS GIRL YOU TELL HER!!!!!!! i really thought naoya was going to use sera to secretly ruin gojo/reader’s relationship but i was pleasantly surprised to find that wasn’t the case. a chapter dedicated to y/n just roasting the shit out of sera would be graciously accepted by me hehehehe jk... unless😳 i have no shame

again saint get all the rest you need and stay hydrated! i look forward to the next chapter💕

@daphnxy said

i’m physically shaking from this recent chapter oh my god-

saint you really have outdone yourself this time, this chapter was absolutely amazing, your writing was so detailed to a point where i felt like i was actually living in this reality.

you literally never fail to surprise me with your writing skills. this fic is absolutely incredible and i’m so grateful that i came across your blog and i’m able to read your content because wow

just wow… i’m actually going through shock rn with the way the chapter ended and i’m so excited but anxious to see what’s to come in the future

SN is definitely up there on my list of favorite fanfics like it’s actually surpassing wastelands right now with how beautifully written this is. your work exceeds my expectations for fics like i feel like i signed up from some premium content LMAO

saint, thank you so so much, like honestly thank you for sharing this and showing how beautiful your mind is because your writing has really changed my experience of being a fanfic reader <3

Anonymous said

SOMETIMES I HATE DRAMATIC IRONY SO KUCH, LIKE IT HURTS KNOWING WE KNOW SERA ISNT PREGNANT AND THAT YN WONT BRING IT UP. AND LIKE YOU CANT EVEN BE MAD AT HER AFTER SO MUCH MENTAL TORMENT BUT YOU ALSO CANT HELP BUT WANNA YELL AT HER TO JUST BRING IT UP SO HE CAN EXPLAIN HIMSELF EVEN IF HE DOESNT DESERVE HER TIME.

anyways i feel bad for satoru, he’s about to fall from grace and because of that, it’s going to affect his company and his family. i have a feeling he’s going to be cut off from the family entirely if the merger doesn’t go through, and he’s probably going to be very badly beaten by the end of this by his father. this relationship lacks so much communication and that’s kind of both of their faults. obviously yn doesn’t have to give him any time of day after how much he’s hurt her emotionally (and now physically with the angina) however if this miscommunication is causing her even more pain then i’d set my pride and resolve aside for a second just to hear if what he says is what i’ve slowly learnt to believe. if that makes sense??

idk i really want him to be able to redeem himself and we know yn is forgiving but it feels like such a lost cause at this point. also sera is so fucking insufferable shut the fuck up you self absorbed walking pity party. “you’re so mean” OH BUT YOU HAD NO PROBLEM TALKING SHIT ABOUT YN WITH HIM, GOD FORBID HE INSULTS YOUR CLOTHES WOW. dumb bitch, hope everyone laughed at her for wearing yn’s rejected dress, also ty naoya for setting her up for embarrassment, i hate you but you go king 😩

- anti self absorbed walking pity party anon (i don’t think i’m gonna be a regular anon but signing off just felt right after this rant).

Anonymous said

I things I have to say:

1. SHE'S NOT PREGNANT (for now I think)

2. Aaahhh my poor cheating Gojo, but it's what you deserve for not telling her the truth from the start of the week.

3. MC possibly pregnant since she didn't really eat anything else but those cookie (???) And the amount of times she was nauseated in the chapter.

4. I wrote this earlier today btw

I couldn't find the video but the ask about whether or not y/n would love Sera's baby reminded of this tiktok about mom's who didn't receive affection as a child forcing themselves to love their babies and then feeling empty and tired afterwards from pretending

I think that's what y/n would do, possibly even with her own children, because of everything Sera and Gojo put her through. She'd force herself to show love and affection towards the children, but by the end of the day when she climbs into bed with Gojo she's just...numb and won't show him the same love and affection she does the children.

Also think this is what you mean she isn't necessarily the same person in SN2. I feel she'll loose part of her memories, but retain her personality, feelings numb and distant towards Gojo but now it's towards everyone, after whatever makes her lose her memory.

You deserve a week off after this chapter, kinda like a mid season finale so I hope you take one cause you've earned it.

thank u for sending these 😭 i actually still have lots but i rly do not have the energy anymore hhhhhh :< but i have been reading them all day !! so sorry if ur questions didn’t get a response

[onlyherefortheshowmances]

So I saw someone else get an anon message that said: “I hate to admit this, but I really can't shake the feeling that Benji loves Victor more than Victor loves Benji at this point.” I wanted to respond as well, because I think this is something people are probably seeing a lot and I really want to explain how I’m looking at it (from personal experience and just from looking at and examining the characters).

CW/TW: Mental Health, suicidal ideation/action mention, Addiction, Emotional Trauma, sex mention, Predatory relationship mention, catholicism, homophobia, misunderstandings, lack of communication, spoilers for love victor seasons 1 & 2 [let me know if I missed anything please]

I want to be frank in saying that Benji is my favorite character and I project onto him a lot (along with seeing a lot of myself in him). I’m also white AF, so I’m sure some of you think that’s relevant, but I really don’t think it is in this particular case. I do also however identify with Victor in a number of ways and I am trying to see the characters both as complex individuals with deep personal histories. Both have suffered traumas and both are clearly dealing with a lot of their own shit on top of being sixteen/seventeen and dealing with junior year of high school and all the pressures and expectations that brings for everyone.

I think what people are interpreting at loving someone more/less is actually about prioritizing someone/a relationship more/less. In my mind, from what I see on screen and interpret, they both love each other beyond words. They are both very much in love with one another. It comes down to how they display that to each other and to the public as well as where on their list of priorities this relationship falls.

Let’s start with Victor, struggles and life:

He is dealing with internalized homophobia and associated thought-patterns stemming from his upbringing in the Catholic church as well from the vocalized homophobic remarks from his mother (toward himself and Benji as well as likely at other points in his life toward strangers), his father (stating that he hopes Adrian doesn’t turn out ‘like that’; the scene in S1 where they’re at the church in Texas and he calls the hairdresser ‘flojito’; etc.), and his grandparents (on his birthday and likely at other points in his life). As a result of this, Victor tried to make himself straight (or at least interested in a girl) by dating Mia because he did like her as a person and everyone was telling him that’s what he was supposed to do. He ended up hurting her and almost losing her friendship (temporarily, he did, but she does seem to have forgiven him now).

He is dealing with outside homophobia as well. That kid on the very first day he was Creekwood responding to Benji helping him up. Felix’s comment that same day of ‘you don’t want to give people the wrong idea.’ The basketball team/gym class guys roasting him about not hooking up with Mia on the ferris wheel. Felix saying he’d be crazy to not like Mia. Lake asking ‘are you gay or something’ when he brought Felix along to Mia’s house, etc., etc. Some of these things may seem innocent enough, but they weren’t. Not to Victor who was already struggling to accept even the possibility that he might be gay. Once he managed to come out to his parents, obviously his father got better fairly quickly, but Isabel continued to struggle for six months which put even more pressure on Victor to try to lead this double life. Once he came out at school, the whole fiasco with the basketball team also occurred and that was a lot for him, because Basketball as always his safe-space. It’s where he went to get away from all the other pressure. It was something he didn’t have to think about and now suddenly, he did. Those pressure are also affecting his ability to think about what he may want and it seems affecting his ability to think (at all sometimes) about how any of that is also affecting Benji. It’s affecting him so much that he’s basically blind to how it’s also affecting Benji to see him suffer. He doesn’t even consider that possibility until Felix brings up how hard it is for him the night Felix breaks up with Lake and Venji get caught having sex.

Victor also has struggles away from just his coming out and accepting himself journey. He has the struggles associated with his parents separation. Until fairly recently, Victor always thought his parents had a perfect relationship. He saw that as the ideal. Get together in High School, get married right away, stay together for ever, happily ever after. That’s what he was raised to expect. And now he’s seeing their relationship fall apart before his eyes. Hell, his devoutly Catholic mother had an affair, and he’s wondering if it’s really possible for your first love to be your only love especially after he and Benji start butting heads, so he’s already vulnerable to that viewpoint when Rahim brings up the possibility. He gets so lost in what’s happening to his parents and what Rahim is saying about it not usually working out that he forgets how in love he is and he sort of loses his will to fight for what he wants, because maybe it’s just doomed to fail anyway (until he sees Benji at the wedding and it sort of hits again - and then Felix’s speech thereafter, obviously). He kind of loses his way by getting caught up in the statistic improbability of your first love being the one and watching his parents’ marriage potentially fall apart and he wonders for a moment if it might be easier, if it might be better to just walk away and go toward Rahim who he seem to get along with and seems to understand the things Benji doesn’t about him, but what he fails to examine in that moment is that he’s only barely scratched the surface with Rahim and that Rahim doesn’t know him like Benji does and that every relationship has it’s ups and downs and what it always comes down to is how willing both parties are to work to make things right. How much you’re willing to step into the other person’s shoes and try to understand. In my opinion, even if he were to walk away from Benji and go to Rahim, that bubble of understanding isn’t going to last forever either. He’s failing to remember that when he got together with Benji (and for most of the summer it seems) that’s exactly what it was like and failing to remember that they have grown beyond that into a deep soul-altering love for one another that deserves his time, energy, and effort and NEEDS those things to keep it going.

Now let’s talk about Victor’s priorities in life:

Victor has always been close with his family, especially his mother. The strain on that relationship is very taxing on his mental well-being. He has a hard time ‘standing up to’ her or talking back to her, etc. because he loves her and he just wants their easy, close relationship back. He already overcame his own anger at her affair to get her back, but now she’s the one pulling away because of his sexuality and it’s hurting him because if he was able to forgive her for something that was actually wrong, why can’t she forgive him for something that he has no control over. So he loves his mother and his family and he hates disappointing them. He has spent most of his life fixing his family’s issues (as he explains to Simon in S1), but now he is the issue and he doesn’t know how to handle it. When in 2x1 he decides to just bring Benji over and try exposure therapy with his mom, it backfires in a big way. Even though they barely touch each other. Even though Benji just says the word boyfriend once, it’s too much for Isabel and Victor desperately wants to please. He desperately wants to not lose his mother (who has always been the person he is closest to), so that causes him to take a step back from going against her and the steps he still takes (telling her he wants her to call Benji his boyfriend not just his friend, the whole conversation outside the church, the conversation with Adrian, etc.) are things that Benji doesn’t get to see happening and it frustrated Victor that Benji won’t even listen to him when he tries to say that his mom is making progress at all, because she is so important to him and yet it seems like Benji just doesn’t even recognize or care about that. This leads him to say the thing he does at Brasstown before Benji runs out, because he assumes that it has to do with Benji being white and of course, that is part of it, but I think Victor in that moment is so overwhelmed by the rejection of his mother and now the refusal of his boyfriend to even try to understand that he snaps. He forgets all the struggles Benji has told him from his own past and he just lashes out which causes Benji to leave [more on Benji’s viewpoint of this whole thing later].

Victor also loves basketball. It’s true that in some case LGBTQIA+ individual participate in certain activities to make them seem more ‘normal’. Gay men participating in sports to seem more macho is a common one, so Benji thinking that’s why Victor plays basketball makes sense to an extend, but he never bothers to ask Victor about, only makes assumptions, and Victor feels like the fact that he actually likes sports makes him ‘not gay enough’ (see conversation with Andrew). What he’s forgetting entirely is his encounter with Bram and the gay basketball league in NYC from episode 1x8. There are many ways to be gay, and sports gays do exist and are perfectly valid. That’s not the type of gay Benji or his friends/bandmates are, but it is the type that Victor is and Benji failing to recognize that and failing to understand or even ask Victor about that drives one of many wrenches into their relationship. In episode 1x5 when Benji shows up to Victor’s first game back on the team and does the Go Grizzlies dance with the other basketball girlfriends, it definitely does a lot of help Victor realize this was just a miscommunication/misunderstanding rather than anything malicious. Basketball and his teammates continue to be a priority for him after this, but that seems to be something Benji is now capable of understanding.

Finally, Victor loves Benji. He wants to be with Benji; there is zero doubt about that. However, for Victor when he’s put on the spot (as in episode 2x8) and basically told he has to choose his mom (who has raised him and been his closest confidant and biggest supporter for his entire life) or his boyfriend (who he’s known for almost a year and been dating for six months and is helplessly in love with) it processes as an error message in his brain. He just wants everyone to get along. He’s not mad that Adrian knows that he’s gay (he’s wanted him to know for months), but he is upset that his mom is now even angrier. [see my section about Benji in this moment, for more about Isabel’s reactions as well] In his mind, telling Adrian could wait. In his mind, he was willing to go along with his mom’s requests for a while longer just to keep the peace so to speak. He didn’t want his whole life to fall apart and that’s what he thought was about to happen in that moment. That’s why he asked Benji to leave. He didn’t want to make his mom any angrier. Could he have chosen his words better? Yes. Could he have made Benji understand better? Yes. But he’s sixteen and his brain wasn’t functioning at full capacity because post-sex brain is definitely a thing and he was also looking at his mom who has already been horrible and barely able to look at him for six months, looking even angrier after he finally thought they’d made some progress after church the previous week.

So in conclusion, regarding Victor:

He loves his family (especially his mom). He loves Benji. He loves Basketball. Obviously, he’s not going to prioritize basketball over either of the human beings involved, but I think it’s important to at least note it’s importance in his life. As for Isabel vs. Benji. To Victor, these are the two most important people in his life. All he wants is to be able to love both of them and have both of them love him in return. When they are pit against each other, especially directly, it’s hard for him to make a choice. It’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to his mom and it’s hard for him to say ‘no’ to Benji, but in the moment (episode 2x8 specifically), he takes Isabel’s side, because he knows the ramifications of saying no to her and of making her even more angry that she already is are far worse than the ones for asking Benji to leave for the night. He failed to realize however, how close Benji already was to the edge and how upset he was going to be and how little he understood (or was willing to try to understand) about the situation. This is something he really needs to communicate with Benji (even though it’s not quite as important now that Isabel’s apparently come around). I think it’s important for Benji to understand that Victor values his relationship with his mother enough that it’s difficult for him to go against her without a lot of preparation and having a fully fledged reason, etc.

Now for Benji - Struggles and Life:

The obvious of course is that Benji is a sixteen/seventeen year old that’s barely a year sober and attending AA meetings regularly. Recovering from Alcoholism is difficult at any age let alone for a teenager. One of the most important factors in recovery is looking at the things that led you to drink in the first place. Looking at things that may be considered triggers and either learning to avoid those people/situations or learning healthy alternatives in those situations. I have multiple family members who are both actively drinking alcoholics as well as those in recovery. I also lost my best friend/ex-fiancé to alcoholism a few years ago, so to say I have some personal experience in this arena is putting it lightly. Benji admits to Victor in 1x7 that he used to drink a lot because he knew he was gay, but didn’t want to be. To me that whole story screamed, I’m an alcoholic and while a lot of others agreed with that opinion. I was not shocked that Victor didn’t understand that underlying truth. Those that don’t have intimate familiarity with alcoholism often do not recognize the signs (either as they happen when when they are not directly told). It is made clear in episodes 2x7 & 2x8 that Benji hates this part of himself, in fact he says as much to Victor when he arrives at his apartment late the night of his birthday. Benji has still not fully accepted that the alcoholic part of himself that attends AA meetings and drinks orange juice while his friends are drinking vodka is one and the same with the part of himself that loves Victor with all his heart. This is something I’d really like to see him reconcile and work on in season 3 and beyond. Understand that you can’t compartmentalize yourself. You are but one whole person and all facets of yourself are in fact part of the singular you. [Not accounting for those with dissociative identity disorder.] It’s not directly mentioned if he’s still struggling with urges to drink, but most if not all alcoholics do, especially when experiencing those aforementioned triggers. Seeing Benji meeting with his sponsor after the incident with Isabel/Victor is not shocking to me and if anything, that was the healthy and correct response on his part. The reason he was drinking in the first place was that he was gay and didn’t want to be (internalized and probably external homophobia) and he just experience some really intense homophobia at the hands of his boyfriend’s mom (and partially said boyfriend himself). Benji’s lack of understanding of where Isabel was coming from in episode 1x8 speaks volumes to just how traumatize Benji still is about his own experiences with homophobia. The only thing he can think about in that moment is that this woman hates me for being gay. She hates her son for being gay. Being gay isn’t okay, etc. What he doesn’t factor in is that Isabel is also devoutly Catholic. I honestly don’t think it’s the gay part of the sex that horrified her the most. The Catholic faith is also very clear on the practice of abstinence from sex (at all) prior to marriage. She would’ve responded the same way had she walked in on Victor having sex with a girl, in my opinion, but in the moment Benji’s own trauma is overriding his ability to understand that because all he can see is the homophobia. This is especially true after she calls him Victor’s friend rather than his boyfriend and that in my opinion, is why he snaps. Could he have phrased it better? Yes. Could he have said it without shouting? Yes. But he is a freshly seventeen-year-old whose brain is not functioning on all cylinders in that moment.

Sort of coupled with his alcoholism and recovery therefrom is the allusion his mother makes to ‘dark times’ following his accident. I do have suspicions that perhaps he was also struggling with mental illness, and likely continues to. Depression to the point of suicidal ideation or actions (possibly only in the form of drinking, but possibly in other forms as well). Anxiety is pretty obvious from his actions and reactions throughout the series as well. I also think he is dealing with some sort of trauma-based disorder stemming from the homophobia he experienced (especially the instance of his father taking him to strip-club). It may go as far as C-PTSD (which I myself am diagnosed with) or it maybe something less (or even more). I’m not in the habit of sticking mental health diagnoses of people (fictional or otherwise though). Dealing with these things on top of what in his eyes feels like rejection from not only Isabel, but in a way from Victor as well likely causes some very unpleasant thought patterns and the potential for thought spirals and the likely. I also see indications that he could suffer from co-dependency (whish I also have dealt with in the past), but I’m honestly not sure if that’s me projecting or if it’s actually there.

Then on top of all of that, his boyfriend who he loves more than anything in the world, tells his deepest darkest secret to someone he’s literally never met or spoken to and that said boyfriend has only known for maybe a week at best and thinks it’s no big deal. In that moment, I can 110% see why Benji requests to take a break and I feel that choice is 110% the right one to make. What is a relationship built on if not trust? Victor just destroyed most if not all of the trust Benji had in him. That doesn’t mean he stopped loving him, just that he doesn’t trust him. Love isn’t something you can turn off and on like a light switch especially not the kind these two share. I definitely think Victor has a lot of explaining to do and a lot of apologies to make. I do also think they both need to have a really long, really honest and open conversation. Benji needs to be willing to get a little vulnerable and explain why certain things are causing him so much distress, but he also needs to be willing to listen to Victor explain why he can’t simply go against his mother as Benji seems to think he should. They both really demonstrated a degree of selfishness this season along with an lack of communication and a lack of willingness to understand or even try to understand each other’s points of view and that is a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

There also exists the issue of Benji’s parents. His mother especially seems to overstep quite frequently and insert herself into his life where she was not invited or expected. I do wonder if this was always her personality or if this is something that started after Benji’s accident. I have a hunch it was likely the latter. I see indications that perhaps there was some neglect or just general indifference on his parents part as he was growing up. They clearly missed that he had started drinking heavily and that he stole his dad’s car that night. He was also evidently dating Derek for quite a while before the accident. (Derek is another section by himself though.) This not to mention the fact that his father took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance when he was no more than sixteen if he was even that old, in an effort to turn him straight. Benji tells Victor in episode 1x7 that he and his dad used to be close and that they used to go to Dollywood on road trips and other such things, but that he’s been distant since he came out. We see from the scene where he walks in on Benji and Victor making out that he’s not vocally/outwardly homophobic, but I would not doubt that he still harbors some of those viewpoints in himself. It’s evident to me that Benji is not close to his parents (he may once have been, but at this point it’s pretty clear that he’s not anymore). Benji doesn’t have siblings to the best of our knowledge. It’s also mentioned that his nana (like a paternal grandmother) is deceased, so it’s really not clear how much contact he even has with his extended family or how much of one exists. For these reasons, in his mind, there is no circumstance where his family (especially not his parents) would take precedence of his own happiness or Victor’s. That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him that Victor doesn’t stand up to Isabel, because if the roles were reversed, he would have no problem at all telling his own mother (or father) off. He doesn’t seem to comprehend Victor’s need to keep his relationship with his mother intact. I’m very glad Isabel pointed out to him that Victor has stood up to her and risked their relationship for him, but the disconnect still lies in that Benji isn’t a fan of the fact that he didn't’ do that in his presence and that he didn’t do more.

Then there’s Derek. Derek is at least a sophomore in college in season 2 as he was clearly in college in season 1 as well. Meaning he is at least 19/20 when Benji is 16/17. They had been together for a year the previous spring (episode 1x6) which means they started dating when Benji was 15 and Derek was no younger than 18 (I think he is like at least a year older than the youngest possibility). Georgia’s age of consent is 16, and there are no ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in place in the state meaning it is categorically illegal for anyone 18 years of age or older to engage in sexual acts with anyone 15 years of age or younger unless they are legally wed, meaning until Benji’s 16th birthday, this relationship was illegal in general not to mention the predatory nature of someone in college dating a high school sophomore to begin with. They generally don’t prosecute if the people involved are within 4 years of each other though (which coincides with ‘Romeo and Juliet’ laws in other states) which they could’ve been within depending on Derek’s actual age and birthday. It doesn’t seem like charges were filed either way which is questionable on Benji’s parents part. Benji also tells Victor in 1x10 that Derek made him feel bad a lot of the time about the things he like and about being a romantic, we also see Derek crap all over Benji’s special anniversary date in 1x6. The toxicity of that relationship is sure to have left it’s mark on Benji and carried over into his new relationship with Victor. I also find it questionable that knowing that, Benji was shitting all over Victor’s love for basketball at one point (isn’t that exactly what he complained about Derek doing to him about his interests?), though as you see in my earlier comments, I do understand that perhaps Benji wasn't’ fully aware that Victor actually liked basketball and wasn’t just doing it to seem straight/make his dad happy/etc. I also think it’s quite confusing that Victor managed to come up with that date idea for Benji in 1x6 and then the best he could do for Benji’s birthday was champagne and sex? I’d be more than marginally hurt over that if I was Benji, to be completely fair. It is also worth it to note that Benji stayed with Derek for over a year despite all of their problems (which goes back to the possibility of co-dependency issues) and yet he was willing to break up with him just to chase after the possibility of Victor. They had already connected on so many levels even prior to that night that even the possibility of that relationship made Benji willing to leave someone he’d been with for more than a year (obviously Victor’s little speech in the hallway played a part in that).

Benji’s Priorities:

In Benji’s world, he has a few things that could be considered priorities.

Maintaining his sobriety is obviously one, but he keeps that separate from everything else. I don’t see it being held above or below anyone or anything. It’s just a completely separate thing to him (which again I feel he needs to reconcile). He was able to do that while also appeasing his friends and Victor (see episode 2x4 where he switches out his cups).

His music/band is obviously a priority, but again that’s something basic that everyone knows about and accepts. He doesn’t have choose between that and anything or anyone else that we’re shown.

Victor is his primary priority however. To him, that is the most important relationship/person in his life. He doesn’t know what he’d do without him. He says he loves that part of his life which I take to mean, he loves who he is when they’re together and not so much when they’re apart. To him, there is no question of who he would choose if there was a choice in front of him between Victor and literally anyone else (including his parents). That is why it confuses/hurts/angers him when the choice isn’t so simple for Victor when he actually has to make one between Benji and Isabel. Benji isn’t close with his parents and he doesn’t seem to understand what it is like for someone that is. Even if his parents didn’t come around right away. Even if they still may not be fully on board with everything, it didn't’ matter that much to him, because he could stand up to them because he didn’t care about destroying a relationship, because there already wasn’t much of one to begin with. This leads to him not understanding that Victor is seriously conflicted in the moments where he is made to choose between his boyfriend and his mother, because to Benji that choice is crystal clear. Again, they could really do with an honest conversation about this where Benji actually listens and tries to understand where Victor’s coming from, because right now, I think he just doesn’t quite get it. It’s clear that Isabel’s speech at Brasstown helped him to understand or at least start to, and obviously now that Isabel isn’t so much of an obstacle everything becomes a little easier, but it is still something that I really feel they need to discuss and understand about each other.

In conclusion:

Both of these boys need therapy (individual, family, and couples), and they would really benefit from a lot more open and honest communication where they both are able to speak honestly about their needs and desires as well as both being able to listen to and understand (or try to at least) one another.

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.04

10/23/2020

Strong Arms and Honest Kisses

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 3,636

Warnings: failed relationships, talks of lonliness, angst, FLUFF, complicated relationships

A/N: This one is a little shorter than my chapters recently. Part of this is because this felt like a complete chapter but I also did a lot of rewriting with this one. I wrote half of it, then deleted it. Then wrote it again. Then deleted it. I finally got a good flow going and this is the one I liked the most. I hope y’all like it too. If you happen to reblog, thanks so much for helping me spread my work! xoxo

Please do not REPOST my stories on any other sites or blogs.

REBLOGS are always welcome and appreciated!

The walk back to your room is awkward.

Full of fluttering hesitant energy.

There’s a new electricity between your body and Thor’s as he walks beside you, heavy feet falling slowly, with forethought.

He has his hands behind his back, feeling the need to keep them to himself after what happened in the garden.

You appreciate the space.

“That was my first kiss.” You admit, hating the silence between you because it feels like both of you want to say so much but are unwilling to speak first.

“Oh,” Thor laments, his gaze wavering. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be!” You rush to reassure him, shrugging a shoulder as you look straight once more. “I-I mean, you wanted a maiden, right? A virgin?”

When you look at him, he’s blushing, his cheeks a soft pink underneath that hay colored beard.

It’s cute and you feel a surge of warmth for him fill your chest.

“That wasn’t necessarily what I wanted.” He clarifies.

“Oh…” Your turn to lament. “I’m sorry.”

Suddenly, a flurry of worries come rushing forward. You don’t have any experience. None. Zero. Tonight has been the most action you’ve ever seen in your life.

No one has ever held your hand.

No one has ever been so caring and sweet.

No one has definitely ever kissed you.

No one has ever proposed.

You have no experience to offer Thor, as a wife, will you be able to satisfy him?

He’s a literal God. He’s really, super old, and has probably slept with lots of women…or…beings? Aliens?

How are you going to live up to that?

“I just…I’ve never even really liked anyone, so I never was with anyone, and I’m sorry-” You fret, stopping to look up at him.

He places his hands over yours, stopping your fidgeting.

“You have nothing to apologize for.” He whispers gently.

You meet his blue eye and it’s just as soft as his voice.

“We can talk about that part of our marriage later. Let’s take this one day at a time.”

“But I-I don’t know what to do with that. I mean, I kinda know but I don’t know. I don’t want to-I’m kinda scared of-”

Thor’s blush returns and your own neck is suddenly burning.

That previously terrifying image of Thor prying your legs open that you’d imagined back at home replays itself in your mind, this time the fear is not for the man himself but the act in general.

Thor’s hands finding the side of your neck interrupt your vocal vomit.

With you silenced, he traces the lines of your shoulders, the length of your arms before he takes hold of your elbows over your cloak which is keeping them warm.

“We have time, cherub.” The pet name comes out of nowhere and sounds so strange but good and you’re not sure you know how to breathe anymore. “Time to worry about many things later. Tonight, let’s just enjoy this agreement to try.”

With a lick to your lips, you nod, shutting your eyes as you’re overwhelmed by not only the pleasure that stupid pet name has given you but also his hands still wrapped around your elbows.

“Thank you for telling me.” Thor whispers, pulling you a little closer. “These are things that are good to know. I will be sure to make preparations for us.”

“Preparations?” You nearly squeak.

“Things to make it easier for you. But as I said,” his ears grow nice and red too, now. “We have plenty of time to think about that later. Almost three days!”

You scoff, “That’s not a lot of time, Thor.”

“No,” he chuckles. “I suppose you’re right.”

“This is happening so fast.”

“I know. And I’m sorry. That’s my fault. I’ve been putting this choice off for so long that now that I’ve made it, they want me to follow through quickly.” Thor takes a step back, reaching down to take your hand.

You eagerly hold his hand back, grateful for the comfort it gives you but also you really like holding his hand, you realize.

“Let’s get you to bed. Even though Hilde was completely drunk, she’ll still wake up early enough to make you hate her.” He pulls you along, his hand giving yours a gentle squeeze every few steps.

“Thor?”

“Hm?” He asks, not sparing you a glance.

“You don’t have to do this, you know?” Your own eyes are glued to his hand around yours.

You seriously like the way his hand looks around yours. Why are you letting yourself fall this hard? It’s not right. It’s not fair. To you. To him.

“Do what?” He asks, genuinely confused.

“This.” You give your hand a shake, the two of you rounding the corner to the hall where your room is.

He doesn’t stop walking until he reaches the door. He twists the knob and pulls it open, stepping in with you before turning to close it.

Swallowing hard, you try not to lose your breath again. There’s a pressure in your chest that you know is coming from the way he shut that door.

He turns, strutting towards you as he keeps hold of your hand. You take several steps back until your legs hit the edge of your bed forcing you to sit.

For a moment you think he might move over you, just like that image in your head. Instead he sits down beside you.

“Can I be honest with you about something?” He asks, pulling your hand over onto his lap.

“I hope so.” You relax, waiting patiently as he takes a deep breath.

“I haven’t seen Jane in almost three months.” He explains. “She’s been secluded in an installation in the middle of nowhere. In Wyoming? And I’ve been so busy here…this is the same struggle we always have. I cannot get away because of my own duties now much more formal and inescapable as King. And Jane’s work has always been the most important thing to her.

“I knew that when we agreed to try again but I was hoping that we might both take some time to prioritize our relationship. Jane was the first person I met when I was sent here. She was kind and patient. She was brilliant. Smartest person I’ve ever met. Smarter than Stark and Banner, don’t tell them I told you that.” He smiles. “But it’s that very brain that keeps her focus elsewhere. And I don’t begrudge her that passion. It’s one of the reasons I fell for her.

“But we don’t seem to be able to make it work.”

Hearing him praise her so much, love her so openly dries your throat and you can’t swallow to push past the lump there to speak. So, you say nothing.

“This,” Thor pulls your hand up a little, readjusting and holding it more securely. “This feels good.”

That helps.

“But you wish it was her?” You wonder.

Thor goes silent, averting his eyes to his hand around yours.

“Not anymore.” He sighs. “Until tonight, I would have said yes. I would have given anything for you to be Jane. To marry the woman I love? How could I not want that? It’s what I’ve always hoped for.”

You feel disappointment pull your body down, shoulders slumped, head falling so that you don’t have to look at him anymore.

You feel strong fingers take hold of your chin, gently tilting your head back until you can meet his electric blue eye.

“When I met you, I was surprised. I’d met with woman, after woman, after woman, after woman-”

“Alright, I get it.” You frown.

Thor stops to laugh but then nods, “Sorry. I only mean that every woman I met, all the other princesses and duchesses and ladies once related to direct royal families were kind but there was something calculating about the way they spoke. They were careful with the things they said and I didn’t feel like I was really getting to know them.”

“But with me?”

“With you, I-it was like recognizing someone that I’d known my whole life. You sat there, terrified but unable to keep from speaking your mind. You were honest about not wanting to marry for anything but love and I understood how you felt. I’d made up my mind not to choose you then. I didn’t want to take from you what was being taken from me, but I-the more I thought about marrying one of those women…I told myself I would let you find someone you could be with, even as my wife.

“We’d keep it secret. You could be with them and I would give you your privacy and let you live that life while protecting it for you.” He sighs. “Then you came here, and dinner brought me hope. I didn’t think that you could ever want to feel any other way for me than that disappointment I saw cross your face when I asked you to marry me and live your life with me without feeling loved.”

“Neither did I.” You confess, words coming out in a rush. “I hated you when I came here. I hated my family for being related to royalty. I hated that I was suddenly being asked to think about shit that I honestly, didn’t even care about! And then I met you and you were nice and confused and you asked me that stupid fucking question about my ideal marriage and I had no one else to picture so I pictured you and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it.”

Thor smiles, “If I’m honest, that’s also what drew me to you. To be fair though, I didn’t ask any of the other women that question, but it was clear without them having to say so that they were after the prestige that comes with being a human Queen of Asgard.”

“But I know that you still love her.” You continue, ignoring the sweet smile he’s giving you because your mind will not stop fretting. “I know that you’d much rather have it be Jane so, I’m only saying that you don’t have to force yourself to hold my hand or show me affection when you don’t feel it.”

Thor sighs heavily, a huff as he takes hold of your head with both massive hands and pulls you towards him to meet his lips.

This time your surprise only lasts a second before you squeeze your eyes shut and pucker your lips back against his.

You can feel his body shake and you tear your eyes open, searching for what’s making him laugh but find him watching you.

He pulls back, thumbs caressing your cheeks.

“Relax. There’s no need to be nervous.” He whispers, deep. It settles in your chest cavity and you really like the sound of his voice.

“I’ve never kissed before.” You remind him. “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Kissing is easy.” Thor tells you. “Just pucker your lips,”

You do as he asks, self-conscious but eager to feel that kiss again.

“Then let me do the rest.” He pulls you back to him and your eyes shut as his lips meet yours.

It’s only a peck. A held one. Until Thor’s hands guide your head to the right as he tilts his to the left and suddenly his lips are overlapping your own. They’re hot, wet, and his breath tickles.

You jump as the tip of his tongue rolls along the seam of your mouth and without making the choice to do it, you open for him and he delves in slowly. Your body is suddenly humming, your mind overcome, and it all feels like a dream.

He inhales as he kisses you, tongue swirling around your own and you don’t know what to do so you reach out to grip the edge of his armor around his chest, hands fisted around the leather while he leads you in this dizzy dance.

He tilts your head the other way, breaking the kiss to take a breath giving you a second to gasp, but then he’s back on you, smothering your whimper of surprise with his lips.

As he presses against yours again, he dives in with more excitement, mouth open, tongue tasting.

You’re trembling, legs shaking with nerves as your hands hold on harder.

As he pulls away, lips smacking quietly, he caresses your cheeks again, letting you come down from your high.

He waits patiently until your eyes open, searching wildly to see what you might find in his.

All you find is his own searching, his own curiosity.

“Um…” You mumble, voice barely audible.

“If you let me in,” He says, his breath washing over your lips again making the past few minutes replay in vivid color. “I will open for you. I think we can do this right. I want to do this right. Will you do this with me?”

Your hands are shaking around his arm, still reeling from that kiss. Holy shit.

“I already said yes.” You point out.

“Say it again.” Thor pleads, scooting closer.

You’re almost completely pulled against his chest, hands squished between your bodies.

“This is happening so fast.” You gasp, confused but happy.

“It has to.” He nods. “I want it to.”

“But how do I know it’s real?” You wonder, and to answer you, Thor crushes you against his chest, head dipping until he meets your lips again.

“It’s real.” He says, tilting your head again, coaxing your mouth open.

You respond more eagerly this time, letting your tongue swirl around his to meet it in its frenzy. Your heart pounds with excitement. This is new and you can understand why people like it. You’ve wondered in passing what it would feel like when you saw it happen in films and shows, taking the books you’d read as gospel for what it feels like but they pale in comparison to the reality.

It’s a haze of pleasure. Foggy but the emotions sharp. It’s also possessive. It feels like yours now. This with Thor can never belong to anyone else. The very thought of it being felt by someone else breaks your heart and also boils your blood.

It makes you bolder, pulling him closer where you have hold of him.

“Let me in.” Thor whispers against your lips, giving you one small final peck. “It’s real for me, I swear to you.”

Can you trust him?

Everything he’s said so far makes sense. His disillusionment with his relationship with Jane is not fake. You were able to hear the sadness in his voice, the acceptance when he explained what was happening with her.

“If you can try to love me, I will try to love you.” He whispers, reaching down with his thumb to trace the shape of your lower lip.

You shut your eyes, seduced by his touch.

“You’re not playing fair,” You sigh. “This is coercion.”

Opening your eyes, you find Thor smiling, and you wonder if this is what he looks like when he likes someone. Is this him smitten?

You don’t think so.

You can’t wrap your mind around him being anything but tolerant of you. He’d been so vocal about loving Jane that you can’t see how only meeting with you twice might override that, even if they are currently struggling.

“I already told you yes! Brunnhilde was right about you.”

“And I want to hear you say it again. For good measure.” He traces the line of your jaw, cup your chin from beneath once he reaches it. “Look me in the eyes and tell me that you’ll try with me. We’ll do everything in our power and devote ourselves to each other. You’ll love me and I will love you.”

His words give your stomach flutters and the way he’s holding your chin makes it so that you can’t look away to clear your head.

So, you nod. “I will love you, Thor. We’ll make this work. As long as you never touch me unless you really want to. I don’t want you to force it. I want it to be real.”

Desperately, you want it. Now more than ever.

“Deal.” Thor says, then wraps one arm around your shoulders and meets your lips again.

~~~~~~~~~~

You wake with a gasp, reaching around for something though you don’t know what. No one had slept with you.

The bed is rightfully empty. As you sit up, you remember every little detail of last night. The words that were spoken, the declarations made, the kisses.

Oh, fuck, the kisses!

You lay back down, heart pounding while you urge yourself to think of every single shift of Thor’s lips against your own.

They’d been so hot, and wet once he’d French kissed you. His tongue had been thick and smooth in its movements. Skilled though you don’t know what you’d compare it to in order to know that for sure.

His arms had been huge and strangely safe. Wrapped up around you, he’d been a powerhouse of heat and strength, lulling you into a calm you’ve never felt before.

Reaching up to scratch your forehead, a small shine catches your eye, and you find your engagement ring, dazzling you with its beauty and the memory of Thor on one knee.

For a moment you’re almost sure that you’ll wake up and all of this will be a dream. A good dream that you had no idea you could ever have wanted.

Then a knock on your door makes you jump, and you sit up again.

Through the door marches Brunnhilde with the swagger of a soldier heading into battle, her clothes relaxed however, plain jeans, a red sweater, and heavy work boots.

“Good!” She smiles at you, “You’re awake! Estrid, bring in Her Highness’s breakfast and set aside one of the other dresses His Majesty bought for her.”

“I’m wearing another uncomfortable dress?” Your sorrow is clear and Brunnhilde smiles at you, her eyes flitting towards your ring. “So, that’s what they were up to.”

You follow her gaze and take a long look at your ring, “Who?”

“Loki and Thor.” Estrid moves past Brunnhilde, heading towards the desk at the far side of the room and places it there before she hurries to the armoire to sift through the dresses. “They’d disappeared a few days ago, went shopping or so they said. I didn’t believe them but clearly, they told me the truth. Just didn’t think they were shopping for a ring. It’s pretty.”

“It’s a lotus flower.” You tell her, throwing your blankets back and sliding to the edge of the bed. “He said he didn’t know that I liked flowers but was happy that I did since I’d like the ring more.”

“He said that?” She wonders, grabbing your robe from the vanity seat then offering it to you.

Taking it, you slip it on and tie it loosely around your waist. The smell of the food pulls you to the desk and you sit, immediately picking apart the eggs and toast.

“Mm.” You nod. “He did. He also said that he really wants to try. He’s willing to really give us a shot.”

Brunnhilde sits on the end of your bed, watching you eat with the space between her eyes puckered.

“Then he’s chosen to give her up finally.” Brunnhilde realizes, surprise painting her tone.

You look at her, intrigued by her own surprise.

“Is that weird?”

“No. Not weird, just unlikely. I never thought he’d really give up on Jane. They were so in love in the beginning when we first arrived. They were always together. Slowly they saw each other less and less, but his devotion never wavered.” She explains.

This doesn’t make you feel good. In fact, hearing about how deep their love was—is—unsettles you.

Fork still in your mouth, you watch her, mind racing.

“Eat up, Your Highness.” Brunnhilde says, rising. “Get dressed and meet me in the main hall. We have to go into town for your wedding dress fitting.”

As she moves for the door and Estrid crosses the room to your bed to lay out a stunning navy dress that looks way too formal for a dress fitting, you turn in your seat, hands grasping the back as you twist to follow her.

“Is Thor awake?”

“Yes.” Brunnhilde nods. “He left about half an hour ago for Wyoming to go see Jane, I assume to break things off with her.”

“Oh,” You shrink, fears you didn’t know you could have choking you.

What if he sees her and realizes he loves her too much to let her go? What if she changes her mind and decides that watching him marry someone else is unbearable? She decides to marry him and then he comes back to tell you that she’s agreed to be Queen and he no longer needs you?

Last night had only cemented your growing feelings for Thor and there is no way you can ever go back to before those kisses.

“He’ll be back tonight.” Brunnhilde assures you, but it only drives you crazier.

Why does he need until tonight?

Why so long? How many kisses will he give her? How many hugs will she take?

You shouldn’t begrudge him this goodbye. You should accept that with it will come with tears and affection that you already see as yours. You don’t want her to have it but it’s not yours yet. It’s intended for you, but right now Thor’s love is still hers.

This God of Thunder has absolutely wrecked you and it’s clear to you that you can never go back to your little home without him. You can never live a life where his arms are not around you.

You’re absolutely fucked.

[myrskytuuli]

Please share the receipts about Harry Potter being a colonial fantasy! Reading stuff like that is so interesting 🙈 have a good day

I’m glad you both asked!

This argument will be divided into threemain parts. The subject of magical creatures in the wizarding world, thesubject of humans other than English wizards, and the subject of Harry’scharacterization in the novels. But before I can discuss the novels andRowling’s (probably mostly unintentional) colonial fantasies, we must look atthe background information of those colonial fantasies. To do that, I willoutline and explain certain elements of the 1800-century cultural and politicalsituation, reflected in the literature of the time. (See! This is why you don’tdismiss history as the unnecessary boring subject Rowling!!!!)  

(In this text, I use the word wizard akin tothe universal man, as in mankind. I do this, because Rowling herself does this,referring to unisex groups of witches and wizards as “wizards”.)

Racial thinking in the British empire was heavily influenced by pseudo-scientific theories like phrenology and race classification theory. Humanist sciences like sociology were heavily influenced by “hard sciences” and there was a strong demand to find a scientific justification for the existence of the empire. This justification came with race classification, that was divided into two different equally racist branches of theory. The idea that different human races were actually subspecies inside the human main species, and that these subspecies had evolved to fulfill different functions and behave in different ways. Roughly divided, the Anglo-Saxon subspecies had evolved into a rational thinker and a natural leader, the Asian subspecies into servile and effeminate role, and African subspecies into manual labourer. Now, in order for society to live in perfect harmony, that society has to be built in a way that each human species can follow their natural predilections and follow their species-natural behaviour. 

The other branch of scientific sociology argued that all humans had the same potential for civilization, but that all human societies were also in different evolutionary stages. Human societies were seen to evolve in a neat line, from promiscuity-matriarchy-transitional patriarchy-patriarchy. All human societies therefore started from hunter-gatherer tribes and would eventually turn into enlightened British style modern societies. As the British already had reached the top of the societal evolution, it was also their right and burden to protect the societies that had not yet reached this top evolutionary form. It is very important to remember that while the British empire was filled with straight up hateful and vile racists that saw genocide as a fun past-time, there were equally many people who believed the science of the time and condemned the mistreatment of the empire’s subjects believing that the empire was in truth necessary in order to help their less-evolved human compatriots. 

Another important note to make about the imperial mindset is how these rational leaders were created; in boarding schools. The future leaders of the empire were all sent to a boarding school, somewhere around the age of 10. These schools, rampant with bullying, pressure and straight up rape, were not places that a young boy was supposed to become a scholar or an athlete; his job was to make connections and learn to become charismatic. Doing too well in your subjects was not desirable, as a book-worm is not what the empire needed. Being good at sports was good, but not if you had to sacrifice time to practice too much. Sports and sciences were there to support the student’s growth into a proper English gentleman, not as an educational goal themselves. Debating, public speaking, and aggressive confidence were much more important skills to master for the future overseer of a colony. Your job as a student in, for example Eton, was to network and grow a stiff upper lip. A terrible educational system for sure, which caused damage to the British psyche that people today are still trying to understand; with Boarding School Syndrome and its consequences important when trying to understand the problems in British politics today

How do these facts then relate to Harry Potter? Well, let’s start working our way through from magical creatures. In the Harry Potter universe, the world is filled with creatures with human-sentience that however do not, at least in Britain, mix with the dominant human population. We know that there are house-elves, working as servants, goblins, working as bankers, centaurs, keeping away in their forest, as do merfolk in their lake. Dwarves were employed as cupids (entertainers) in Hogwarts by Lockhart, and there are veelas that work as exotic dancers in the quidditch world cup.

At first glance, you might think that Harry Potter and Dumbledore are on the side of the creatures. Dumbledore is noted for being a great advocate for non-humans when defending their right to exist, as opposed to the more genocide-minded goons at the ministry. Voldemort is happy to employ creatures that he deems “dark” and ignore the rest. At first glance it would even look like the narrative is advocating for tolerance, and it is, but it is not advocating for equalitybetween humans and non-humans.      

The centaurs and the giants have lost their native lands to humans, and have been forced to live in reservations, as most notably pointed out by Dolores Umbridge in Order of the Phoenix. “Ministry of magic permits you certain areas of land.” (p.665) At the same time, the books do not take the time to portray either the giants or the centaurs in particularly sympathetic light from the point of view of our characters and this point of view is never questioned. Centaurs are shown to be violent and even unreasonable towards any humans who would want to have contact with them. Giants are shown to be stupid and hostile, killing themselves into extinction. (Order of the Phoenix p.377) Meanwhile, the races that do mingle amongst wizards all have something to offer to humans who allow them in their society. Goblins are useful to have around because of their hold over the banking industry and their superior metal-working. House-elves are useful as domestic servants. The creatures that wizards label as “dark” are all creatures that do not have any filled role that they can perform for the benefit of humans, (vampires, hags, werewolves), segregated from the wizarding society proper, and are therefore shunned as undesirables. Veelas on the other hand are blatantly fetishized, and they are only shown in two roles in the books. Either as entertainers or as married to wizards. The narrative does not even hint that a veela might have any non-sexual role in the society. It would seem, that all the magical races have either been pushed out of the wizarding community, or they fill some niche purpose in society that the wizards find useful, and that the wizards themselves do not want to perform.This structure of society, built upon the assumption that there will always be creatures fulfilling certain roles for the society, is not questioned by any of our heroes.

Dumbledore is happy to advocate for tolerance, but not inclusion. He is happy to create a dialogue between humans and centaurs- as long as it is not humans who have to make any concessions in their relationship. Same goes for merfolk. Dumbledore advocates for their right to exists in their own segregated patches of land, and in return they will help Dumbledore. Merfolk will allow themselves and their home to be used as obstacles in the tri-wizarding tournament and the centaurs will let wizards traipse through their forest. 

Inside the centaur society, we are supposed to see territorial Bane as the “bad guy” and the meek Firenze, who argues that centaurs should take sides in a human war and make defer even more to the wizards. Firenze eventually accumulates into the human society by becoming a teacher in Hogwarts, but only after he has been banished from the Centaur society. Therefore Firenze becomes completely subserviant to Dumbledore, as his own people do not accept him anymore and Hogwarts is the only place he can go. He does not have the backing of his own community that could allow him to make demands towards his human peers, which makes him a good ally for Dumbledore. Firenze placed the needs of humanity above the needs of his own species and that makes him the ‘reasonable’ centaur.   

The same happens with goblins. Their prioritization of their own people is at every turn equated with them being unpleasant, unreasonable, and impossible to work with, and when Harry Potter shows the bare minimum of respect- acknowledging that goblins have their own legal system that defines ownership of an object differently than a human would, it is framed as the greatest height of progressiveness that anyone could ever show towards a goblin, instead of the bare minimum. Never-mind the fact that the books explicitly mention that goblins are denied the use of a wand by the dominant human government, and actively have to fight for the rights they have even now, which is neither an interest nor a concern to any of our heroes. 

Note of interest is also that most non-humans taking action against the status quo are antagonists. There are no creatures in the order of the phoenix fighting against the dark lord, (Remus Lupin identifies as a human with an unfortunate condition.) but there are several under the command of Voldemort. (Order of the Phoenix p.88) The most positive attitude towards non-humans comes from the heroes who show tolerance towards non-humans, but who also do not try to reach any deeper understanding about non-human experiences in the wizarding society.

The house-elves are the most blatant piece of yikes when it comes to the issue of creatures. The enslavement of house elves is explained away as a natural order of the world.  At the end the series, even the protagonist Harry Potter accepts this natural order and becomes himself a master of the house elf Kreacher (Half Blood Prince p.55). Harry’s slave-master position is accepted,because we trust Harry to treat his slaves decently, there is never anyquestion what the condition of being a slave-master can psychologically do tothe master, or that slavery as an institution is too immoral to accept, nomatter the conditions. The reader is shown that the elves are not capable oftaking care of themselves without a master by examples of Dobby and Winky, the only freed elves shown in the books. Winky, after being freed, becomes an alcoholic. (Goblet of Fire, p.564) Dobby, while enjoying freedom, would be unable to support himself without the help of benevolent Dumbledore, to whom Dobby works in the same way as the other slaves in the castle, even if he is namely free. (Goblet of Fire p.400) (Both alcoholism and “frivolity” were anti-abolitionist talking points in the southern states in the antebellum era). Theimplication is that some races are simply born subservient, and the morally decent thing to do is to keep them in slavery but treat them kindly. 

Hermione Granger, who in the books argues that slavery as an institution is by itself something that cannot be accepted, is presented with her views as ridiculous and misguided. On the other hand, those who argue for the institution of slavery appear as rational and reasonable. There is no way for anyone to think of her S.P.E.W badges as anything but childish and stupid, a phase for  Hermione to grow out of. In Chamber of Secrets, the readers do see Harry freeing the house elf Dobby, after Dobby has personally helped Harry. However, the implication is that Dobby suffered from an unfit master, not from the slavery itself, and that his freedom came as boon after he had done a personal favour to Harry Potter. In the world of Harry Potter, slaves are happy to be slaves, as long as their masters are decent masters.

But if you stop and think of all this, it should not be rationally possible for a society like this to exist. If the giants truly are so stupid and violent that they are accidentally killing themselves to extinction, they should also not be sentient enough for humans to breed (and even create emotional bonds, as Hagrid’s family) with them. If these creatures have managed to create a society, it should not be possible for them to be unable to “understand complicated matters” or “kill anyone who uses too big words” (Order of the phoenix, 429).    

 Same with the centaurs. Segregating an entire culture to a small reservation is not pretty, and it does not happen peacefully. Still there is never any indication that the wizards were actively doing anything to keep the centaurs in their reservation. Even though, overtly and less-overtly violent actions and policies are in reality always working to keep indigenous populations at check. No creature segregated in their little reservation wants to leave that reservation, choosing to rather waste away amongst their own kind than pushing for their species to either be integrated into the wizarding world, or gaining more land from the wizards. And assuming that the centaur population is too small and weak to do anything but accept their reservation, the heroes do not see anything wrong with this arrangement either. The mythical tale of the noble savage who quietly goes into the good night is real in the wizarding world.   

Those creatures who do live and work alongside wizards are equally content with their narrow roles. No goblin wants to work anywhere else expect the bank, no house-elf wants to open a business, no veela wants to study in Hogwarts. Half-breeds might be allowed in, if the headmaster is eccentric enough, and as long as they are able to “pass” as humans. The fact that their creature parents would never have that change is not even acknowledged as the tragedy that it is. It is easy for the heroes to appear as progressive, when the only thing the creatures want is to be allowed to exist in their pre-ordained roles and be treated with the most basic decency.            

We don’t know what Dumbledore’s answer would be if a young goblin wanted to apply as a student at Hogwarts. We don’t know what any of our heroes’ reactions would have been, if the centaurs demanded compensations for Hogwarts’ rights to use the Forbidden Forest. Or if Dobby would have started campaigning alongside Hermione for abolition. We don’t know, because the wizarding world is in perfect harmony, as long as the creatures are allowed to exist peacefully in their roles, without corrupt, dark wizards abusing them needlessly.

What about humans then. Not all humans are created equal either. We don’t really see about the state of the wizarding world outside of Britain, but we are given the implication that the political situation in Britain is equal to the fate of the world. Harry Potter is not fighting for a political cause in UK, he is saving the world. British politics are world politics. The international wizards we do see, are also almost as much stereotyped as the creatures are. The French boys and girls from Beauxabatons are vain and frilly, while the girls and boys from Durmstrang are brutish and coarse. And in the European stage, UK and France gets their own wizarding population, while the eastern Europe is apparently lumped together in a way that makes you suspect that the Soviet Union never fell in the magical world. (considering when Rowling was creating these stories, that is not impossible. Rowling started writing Philosopher’s stone a year before the Soviet Union was dissolved). In the world politics, these three are the only ones important enough to be included in the tri-wizarding tournament, (tournament that the British dominate easily), and therefore clearly hold the political cards of magical Europe. What we do know is that British wizards have no trouble finding work overseas, while we do not see any foreigners living or working in the British wizarding world. Britain’s importance as the centre stage of magical world politics is simply a given fact of the world.

(Note that I have decided to omit all nonsense that Rowling has added to Pottermore in her effort to world-build but rest assured that it makes the situation simply much much worse.)  

There is also the clean divide between muggles and wizards. The wizards once again are honour-bound from their superior position to protect the muggles. The books make it clear that it was not for the safety of the wizards that the worlds were divided. It was simply that muggles in their ignorance kept burning other muggles during the witch-hunting times. The idea that muggles, if confronted with an existential threat like the death-eaters and their genocidal tendencies, were to win the fight, is not even floated as an idea. The moral implications ofkeeping the muggle world ignorant about a part of UK population that wants to kill them, and has succeeded in several terrorist attacks against the commonpopulation, is not discussed at all. The wizards simply have the right to sacrifice the lives of muggles in exchange of keeping their society hidden from the “common folk”. The wizards who do show any interest in muggles, do it in the most condescending way possible. Arthur Weasley, who has spent years working in the ministry of muggle-affairs, cannot pronounce the word electricity or know what a rubber duck is. How exactly does someone work for muggle-affairs if one is completely ignorant of said affairs? Why are muggleborn’s not automatically working for muggle-affairs? How is it, that muggleborns all simply choose to embrace the wizarding culture without there being any underground muggleborn culture running counter the pureblood establishment? Hermione Granger wants to be seen as one of the witches, not as someone whose cultural knowledge of muggles could in on itself be a strength. Rowling really wants you to believe that the British wizarding culture is naturally so desirable that no counter-cultures have born inside it, or that there ever could be any other problem expect that muggleborns are restricted from accumulating into it.

And then we come to Harry. Our hero. At first look, he appears to be the underdog fighting against the unjust establishment of the wizarding world. However, if one takes a closer look at the story, Harry Potter is not an underdog at all. In the beginning of the story, he acquires a great inheritance from his exceedingly wealthy parents. (Philosopher’s Stone p.85) In every other character exceeding wealth seems to be a negative trait, but curiously Harry’s status as an heir to a fortune is never properly addressed in relation to Harry’s moral character. Harry is also a son of esteemed and powerful magical parents, both highly regarded in the wizarding society. From his father’s side, Harry can claim a connection to an old pureblood house, giving him a claim to the pureblood wizarding establishment. Both the wealth and the bloodline inherited from the Potter family guarantees a place in the upper class of the magical society for young Harry. Even the extremely racist Draco Malfoy in the first book seems eager to make friends with Harry. (Philosopher’s Stone p.120). It is only Voldemort who has robbed him of his natural heritage and privileges and forced him into hiding with his brutish and cruel (muggle) relatives. 

The story of Harry Potter is not of someone who fights for acceptance, but of someone who returns to his rightful place on top of the wizarding society. characters who do not naturally have this privilege, gain prestige by being helpful and loyal to Harry. It is a deliberate choice by Rowling to make Harry a heir to an prestigious family fighting for the rights of muggleborns and those lower than him in the wizarding societal ladder. He is the archetypical English gentleman hero, because he has both the privilege and the proper character to carry that privilege. Voldemort, Malfoy, and other “dark-siders” from the pureblood establishment have abused this privilege and are therefore unworthy of it.

Another important part of Harry’s character is that all his powers and abilities that help him champion against Voldemort are either inherited or inherent. Harry does no need to labour for his victory. His mother gives him “blood-protection”, his father and mentors give him magical items to help him on his journey, and he simply has skills that others don’t. His flying abilities making themselves known the first time he hops on a broom, and his inexplicable talent to resist the imperio-curse is never explained expect with “a strong will”. He even learns the patronus, a spell that for adult characters is explained as a very rare and impressive talent, in a matter of days. What he is good at, he doesn’t need to work for, and what he is not good at, he doesn’t need to improve on. If there is something he doesn’t have the innate talent for, he has friends who will do it for him. When Snape claimed that all of Harry’s successes were due to luck and more talented friends…he wasn’t wrong. And the kicker is, that that’s the point. Harry’s main strength is the fact that he is good at networking and having a brave heart. That is the ideal that thousands of young Englishmen tried to mould themselves into during the imperial days. Harry doesn’t need to be the “smartest wizard of his age”, he needs to be charismatic enough that others will follow him into the battle. He doesn’t need to be shrewd, or ambitious, or smart, or even kind, he needs to know how to apply his inheritance correctly and how to manage those in the lower position than him, in order to return the status quo of the wizarding world to what it was before Voldemort. 

When both Harry’s already existing place in the magical society, and the question of how the books treat the magical creatures are considered, the main conflict in the book seems to be reduced to an inner struggle between the higher classes of wizarding society. Voldemort and the death eaters are evil because they misuse their power over the lower classes, and because they discriminate against other witches and wizards. Therefore, it is the duty of Dumbledore and Harry Potter to return the wizarding world to its former and rightful order. The narrative supports the idea that now that the proper people, the naturally noble-minded heroes, are once again in power all the social issues of the wizarding world will disappear. Those on the top of the social pyramid will treat those under them with tolerance, and those at the base of the pyramid will stick to their place.In other words, the world of Harry Potter has fulfilled the colonialist fantasy of the British empire, where everybody has their place in society, and the inferior races truly are without ambitions or nuances.     

The wizarding world has the structures that the British empire had, but none of the problems that come with those structures. In the end, the wizarding world returns to peace. “all was well.” The house-elves are given laws that punishes a master that mistreats their slave. The goblins continue in their segregation. The centaurs and merfolk are given a promise of no genocide. The British muggleborns are promised a place in the dominant society, as long as they perfectly emulate their pureblood peers and don’t bring muggle culture (or values) with them. The superiority of British wizardingkind has been proven, and they benevolently reside over their less evolved subjects, making sure that they are allowed to fulfill their roles in the society, as they naturally desire, in peace. There are no troublesome creature-rights activists causing havoc on streets. There are no muggleborns who would wish to side with muggles against the wizards. There is no empire, there is only the natural order of things.  

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