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slytherheign · 6 months ago

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A WALK TO REMEMBER | tasm!peter parker

PAIRING: tasm!peter parker x reader

WORD COUNT: 3.4k

SUMMARY: you take one last walk with the love of your life.

WARNINGS: illness (unspecified), HEAVY angst, insecurities, death. let me know if i missed any warnings. [⚠︎︎RATING: G]

AUTHOR’S NOTE: inspired by the movie/novel with the same title, but only slightly. THIS IS A GENDER NEUTRAL FIC BTW, but if you see something that pertains to specific gender then pls reach out so i can change it. also, i’ve planned another part for this focusing on their first walk but it’s still not finished. though when that part comes out, you can either read it as a one-shot or a prequel for this. EDIT: the prequel is out! READ HERE. again, i apologize for the lack of uploads, i just got busy with university and life in general. thank you for understanding and enjoy reading! you might want to get tissues before you proceed.

DESTINATION: Angst Avenue | GO BACK TO THE STATION. CLICK HERE FOR ALL THINGS AWTR (reviews, commentary, etc. about this fic).

The scent of the hospital permeated the room, mingling with the soft whirring of medical pieces of equipment. You were lying on your hospital bed, your frail form engulfed by the sterile white sheets. Your family surrounded you, their faces etched with worry and exhaustion.

The doctor entered the room, his expression grave. You watched him closely, a flicker of hope dancing within your eyes. Perhaps there was still a chance, a new treatment or some kind of breakthrough medication.

But as the doctor spoke, his words fell like heavy stones, shattering your fragile heart and optimism. "I'm sorry," he began, his voice laced with regret. "But it seems the treatments have stopped working."

Your heart sank like an anchor in your chest. You felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room, leaving you gasping for breath. Your family's hushed whispers filled the silence, their words a blur as tears clouded your vision. "I-I don't understand," you murmured, your voice barely a whisper. "What does that mean?"

Your mother's trembling hand reached out to grasp yours, her eyes brimming with tears. "It means we have to consider other options, sweetheart," she said, her voice breaking with emotion.

But you knew what those "other options" meant. It meant more pain, more uncertainty, and the terrifying prospect of saying goodbye. You turned away, burying your face in your pillow as a sob wracked your body.

The doctor spoke with your family and discussed the other options. You listened to his words, but they felt distant, as if they were coming from the end of a long tunnel. You knew what he was saying, and you could grasp the gravity of his words, but you couldn't bring yourself to fully process them.

“What do we think?” he asked, looking at your faces for an answer.

If you were being honest, a part of you didn’t want to try anymore. You didn’t want any more pain. You were already tired—exhausted, even.

But then you remembered him.

You remembered Peter.

And you remembered how you promised him that you would do everything to survive. You promised that you would keep trying until all was well.

After a moment of unnerving silence, you spoke. “I think we should do it,” you breathed out, looking up at your parents and your doctor. “The other options… let’s do it,” you smiled weakly.

So, that was what you did. You kept trying.

Peter lightly traced the lines on your hand as you waited for your order. Every now and then, he would look up and gaze at you lovingly. You couldn’t help but chuckle. “What are you doing?” you said, smiling.

“Admiring you,” he smiled, intertwining his hand with yours atop the table.

The smile left your face almost instantly. “Even when there’s nothing left to admire?” you stated sadly.

He immediately frowned at that. “What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying…”

“Y/N…”

“Peter, I’m not the same as I was. I don’t look like what I used to when you fell in love with me.”

“Stop.”

“No, Peter. I’m pale as snow. I look so sick, I’ve lost my hair. This—” you pointed at your head. “This is just a wig. My real hair is gone—the hair that I know you loved playing with and twirling the ends with your finger. I’ve lost a lot of weight—I don’t have the chubby cheeks you loved to pinch anymore. I-I’m so w-weak,” you sniffed. “Look at me, Pete—I can’t even stand on my own feet anymore. I have to be in a wheelchair.”

A tear fell on Peter’s cheek but he quickly wiped it when he noticed the waiter approaching. You immediately turned your face at the window, pretending to look at the parking lot on the other side so the poor waiter wouldn’t notice the emotional distress you were in.

Peter smiled at the waiter. “On second thought, can we take these out?” he gestured to the food. The waiter smiled in return before picking up your table number and taking the food back to pack it up for the two of you. Peter sadly looked at you as you continued to stare at the window. He heard you sniffing and he cursed himself for not knowing the right words to say at the moment. God, if he only knew how to take this pain away from you, he would do it right this instant.

He thanked the waiter, grabbing the paper bag with one hand and placing his other on your cheek to turn your face to him. He wiped the tears with his thumb before moving his hand to clasp yours. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” you asked.

“To your favorite place.”

He sat on the bench beside your wheelchair before opening the takeout bag and handing your food to you. The two of you ate in peace while admiring the sight of the beach in front of you, the cool breeze that swept off the ocean instantly finding its way to your bodies.

You remembered this beach. It was where Peter asked you to be his, and it was where you answered him “yes”. You remembered how it was snowing then, and how both of you thought it was weird, but beautiful nonetheless.

Moments after you finished eating and Peter threw the trash in a garbage can that was nearby, he cleaned his hands with an alcohol spray. He then went back to you, knelt down, and held your hand with both of his. “I have an idea.”

“A good one or a bad one?”

“A good one. A very good one.”

There was a glint of excitement in his eyes and you couldn’t help but laugh lightly at him.

“Well then, count me in,” you smiled.

He smirked before standing up and starting to carry you bridal style.

“Peter—Pete! What are you doing?!”

“Just trust me, okay?”

You looked at him, searching his eye for some kind of clue to what he was planning on doing. Unfortunately, you couldn’t find a clue or anything. “Okay,” you forfeited.

He noticed the slight pout you made and he rolled his eyes jokingly. “You really know how to get me, huh?” he chuckled. “Fine, I’ll tell you what we’re doing,” he said, starting to move his feet towards the beach. “You and I, my love, are going for a walk.”

Peter carried you as he gently walked along the sandy shore, his footsteps leaving imprints that would soon be washed away by the tide. You stared up at him, memorizing his features just like you did every time you would look at him. His hair moved smoothly with the flow of the breeze, his mouth looking perfect as he talked about something you weren’t really paying attention to because you were busy paying attention to his face. And then you wondered how a man as beautiful as him loved you. You smiled, thinking you must’ve done something really good in your life for you to have him.

Seagulls soared overhead, their cries blending with the gentle rustle of the palm trees lining the beach. The rhythmic sound of waves crashing against the shore filled the air, a poignant backdrop to the bittersweet moment you were having.

Right. This was a bittersweet moment. There was something you haven’t told him yet.

“Pete, can we sit for a moment?” he frowned but did what you asked for nonetheless. He set you down gently on the sand, sitting beside you right after.

You sat in companionable silence, the only sounds you were focusing on now were the sounds of Peter’s breathing and your heart’s beating. With each beat, you drew closer to the inevitable. You needed to tell him what he deserved to know.

“Pete—”

“Y/N—”

You laughed. “Okay, you go first,” you told him.

He smiled. “You were wrong,” he stated after a moment.

“I’m confused.”

“You were wrong,” he said again. “You were wrong when you said that there is nothing left to admire about you. You were wrong because there is always something to admire about you. When I look at you, I question myself if you’re even real, because surely a person as perfect as you could not exist. The way you smile at the smallest compliments, the way you tilt your head back when you laugh at something, the way your brows knit together when you’re confused, the way your tongue sticks out sometimes when you’re concentrating—everything about you, big and small, I admire them. And I love them.”

“Surely, there are some imperfections in me,” you said.

“Yes, of course, we all have them. But those imperfections are what makes you perfect.”

“But I don’t look the same as I was before—”

“And I don’t care. Y/N, you are perfect in my eyes. Listen to me, I love you. I don’t care if you lost all your hair, or if you lose your teeth, or if you lose everything you have—I don’t care what else you lose as long as I don’t lose you.”

Oh.

As long as he didn’t lose me.

Your heart should’ve leaped with joy when you heard those words. But instead, it shattered like a plate of glass getting thrown into a wall. You hated this feeling. And you hated the feeling you would soon make Peter feel.

“Peter…” you called his name. “Pete—I love you,” you sniffed. “I love you,” you repeated. “You know that, right?”

“Of course,” he nodded, a tear escaping his eyes.

“And because I love you so much… I have to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“They didn’t work,” you cried.

“What didn’t work? I don’t understand.”

“When my treatments stopped working, my family and I decided to try the other options. Those other options,” your voice broke. “Those options didn’t work either, Peter…”

“W-What does that mean?”

“That means that I’m dying, Peter. And there’s nothing left to stop it.”

“No.”

You held both of his hands when you noticed them shaking.

“It’s inevitable,” you explained, looking at his hands instead of focusing on his face. You couldn’t look at him while he was crying. You couldn't do it. Your heart wouldn’t be able to bear it.

“No no no no no.”

“I love you, Peter.”

“Y-you can’t—no. Maybe there’s still a chanc—”

You shook your head, lips trembling as you kissed his hands. “I love you.”

“What about our dreams, the future we would have? The family we would make? Y/N…”

“Peter, it’s getting cold,” you whispered. “We should go back.”

“But—please, Y/N. Y-You just can’t…”

“Peter, it’s getting really cold…”

“You can’t just leave me, I don’t think I can live without you. I already lost a lot of people—”

“I love you, Peter,” you repeated.

“I–I can’t lose you too…”

And in one frail movement, everything turned black.

As soon as you opened your eyes, the darkness from your eyelids was changed into the blinding white of the hospital room. To your left were machines that connected to your body, the only reason why you were still breathing. To your right was Peter, sound asleep on his chair while he held your hand in his.

If you were back in here, then that would mean one thing… you didn’t have much time left.

Your face was pale and the once vibrant eyes you had were now dimmed by the weight of your illness. Despite the pain that was evident in your features, there was a peacefulness in your expression. You had come to terms with your fate.

You could feel it. Death. It wasn’t just at your doorstep, it was already beside you, just waiting for the right moment to touch you and consume you. You supposed you should be thankful, for the heavens did not take you yet.

If it would take you within this week, then so be it. But you hoped it would at least be merciful.

If it would take you today, then so be it. But you hoped it would spare you a chance for one more wish.

One last wish.

To give you time.

Not more time to live, but just enough.

Just enough time to say goodbye.

“Peter?” you said, squeezing his hand with all the strength you had left.

He woke up, eyes widening when he realized you were awake.

“You’re awake,” he smiled, you swore you saw his eyes tearing up at the sight of you.

Your features were drawn with pain and fatigue and your body was weakened by the relentless progression of your illness. But despite your frailty, there was a quiet strength in your eyes, a determination to make the most of the time you had left.

“I don’t think I have much time left,” you admitted.

Tears welled up in Peter's eyes as he stood up to lean in and kiss your forehead, his heart breaking at the thought of losing you. He sat back down again, his gaze fixed on you with a mixture of love and sorrow. He longed to take away your pain, to make you whole again, but he knew that was beyond his power.

"I'm sorry, Peter," you said softly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I wish things could have been different."

He squeezed your hand gently, his heart breaking at the sadness in your voice. "Don't apologize" he replied, his voice filled with tenderness. "You have nothing to be sorry for. We've shared so much love and memories together. Your time may be shorter than what we’ve hoped for, but I’m very lucky and glad that you decided to spend most of it with me."

A small smile played at the corners of your lips and you moved your hand to caress his cheek. "I love you, Peter," you whispered, voice trembling with emotion.

"I love you too, Y/N," Peter replied, his voice thick with tears. "More than anything in this world."

“My parents?” you asked.

“They’re outside.”

“Can you please call them for me?”

“Of course,” he said, standing up to fetch your parents. He stayed outside the room to give you and your family some privacy.

“Oh, sweetheart,” your mother immediately ran up to you, stroking both of your cheeks gently with her hands. Your father stood behind her, you could tell by their faces that they’d been crying.

God, you hated seeing them like this.

“Mom, Dad,” you whispered.

“We’re here,” your mother responded, wiping your tears with her thumbs. “We’re right here.”

Your father reached out to hold your hand. “We’re always here.”

“I don’t know w-what to say… I can’t think of words that are nearly enough to express how grateful I am to each of you,” you stated. “Thank you for everything you have done and given me since I was a child. Thank you for reading me bedtime stories when I was little, for bringing me to school and then picking me up when it was done, for cooking my favorite meals, for hugging me when I was sad, for cleaning up my wounds whenever I injured myself while playing, for being there for me through my first period, first heartbreak—I am who I am because of you.”

You glanced at your dad only to see him crying, his grip on your hand getting tighter as if trying to see if the tighter he held you the longer you would stay with them. You never saw him cry like this before.

“We love you so much,” he whispered.

“We’re so proud of you,” your mother added.

Your father agreed, nodding. “You’re the strongest person I know. You’re even stronger than me,” he chuckled sadly.

“I love you both so much,” you cried. “I don’t want to leave, but the world has other plans for me… thank you for being the best parents I could ever ask for.”

And there it was.

You could feel death’s hand slowly reach for you. You closed your eyes, it was getting hard to breathe.

“C-Can you please call Peter?” you breathed out.

With all your might, you opened your eyes again. Peter was now beside you, holding your right hand while both your parents held your left. You stayed like that for a moment, clinging to each other as if you could defy fate itself. But you all knew that you couldn’t.

Your breaths came shallow and labored, each one a struggle against the weight of your failing body. You closed your eyes, trying to block out the pain that pulsed through you with every heartbeat. But despite your efforts, you couldn't escape the truth that loomed over you like a dark cloud.

You could see and hear them crying, the grips they had on your hands getting tighter and tighter and tighter… afraid that if they held you loosely then you would slip away sooner.

But that wasn’t how it worked. A tight grip would not save you. There was nothing they could do to change the inevitable.

As the seconds stretched into minutes, your thoughts began to wander, drifting through memories of happier times. You thought of your childhood, filled with laughter and innocence, and of the love you had shared with your family, with your friends, and with Peter.

The memories faded as soon as they came. And then you felt death’s touch linger on your skin, its distance becoming closer to you than you could ever imagine. Like a distant echo growing louder with each passing moment, the realization dawned on you that your time was running out. You tearfully looked around the room, taking in the faces of your loved ones, each one bearing pain and sorrow.

Your strength continued to wane, your body growing weaker with each second. And as you lay there, surrounded by the ones you loved, you found a sense of peace in knowing that you weren't alone.

With a final breath, you closed your eyes. You welcomed death’s touch with a smile, surrendering to the darkness that beckoned you. And as your family and Peter wept beside you, you drifted away, hoping to have left behind a legacy of love and memories that would live on long after you were gone.

7 MONTHS LATER.

Taking a walk along the beach never felt the same anymore.

Peter concluded that without you beside him, it wasn’t as fun as it used to be. The only fun thing for him, he guessed, was the fact that with each step he walked along the sandy shore, the memories with you played in his head and he would smile as he recounted them. Sometimes, he could even feel your presence somehow.

He ditched his shoes and played with the sand with his feet. It only took him a few minutes before he decided to wear his shoes again and leave the beach.

The next place he decided to visit was the cemetery. He stood across your grave, still not believing that 7 months had passed since you took your final breath. There was not a day that passed when he didn’t miss your presence or longed for your touch. He sat on the grass in front of your tombstone.

“You know…” he started speaking. “Walking along the beach used to be my favorite. After you died and I started doing it again, I wondered why I didn’t like doing it as much as I did before. But now I know why… I realized that it only became my favorite because I was doing it with you.”

He played with the grass with his hands, picking some of them as he tried to hold back his tears. “God, Y/N, it’s been 7 months and it still hurts the same… I miss you so so much. I miss our walks, our dates—I miss everything about you,” he cried.

“I want to love walking along the beach again, but I know I only loved it in the first place because I was with you,” he continued. “To be honest, I don’t think I’ll do those walks again, at least not now… I don’t know… it’s just, without you, I can’t—”

Something just crawled and bit his hand. “Shit,” he swatted the spider, before facing your grave again.

“Anyway, I just want you to know that I will forever treasure those walks that I did with you,” he smiled weakly but genuinely, wiping his tears. “I will never forget them.”

Especially that last one.

That last walk.

That was a walk to remember.

SLYTHERHEIGN TAGLIST: @writingstoraes @joshiiieeenesx @checo2011

TASM!PETER PARKER TAGLIST: @mymilkducts @i-am-woman-strong @lauraneedstochill @jeanettexkillian @ms-mandalore @enaraism @alessandralol @sad-darksoul @sincericida @mentallystablepotato @mich0731 @logolepsic-insomniac @k0miiki @dreamsarecloserwithyou @jumilzzz @primroseparker @preciousbabypeter @myheartonthemove @rebecca-johnson-28 @silkholland @ellievickstar @okkulta @geekygamerchick @starqwerty20 @the-quiet-observer @softiepeterpan @willowhaired @sflame15-blog @pompeygirl89 @remuslupinsdocs

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lincolndjarin · 1 year ago

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Best Kept Secret

chapter twenty six : crucifixion

ao3 link ✿ series masterlist ✩ main masterlist ✧

pairing : bodyguard!Din Djarin x afab!princess!reader

rating : 18+ mdni

word count : 12.7k

summary : judgement day.

warnings: major character death, above canon typical violence, very brief references to suicide, torture, body horror (briefly), feelings of despair, blood, wounds, general kodo grossness, vomit (reader vomits several times, it is never described in detail), language, angst, brief smut, pregnancy, death, reader is not doing well in this like she's at a breaking point, i may have missed some so feel free to let me know.

a/n: please read the warnings on this chap! it's the most serious of the bks updates, definitely a bit more intense than the rest. gonna work on getting 27 out within the next few day. i've been terrified of releasing this chapter since i started writing it so once i post this i'm going to dig a hole and sit in it and hide for a while lmao.

i changed my editing style so if there's spelling errors lmk!! apologies in advance!!

“My room is too big.”

He bursts into genuine peals of laughter and you gently smack his arm.

“Don’t laugh, it’s a serious issue! My room is enormous.” You’re giggling along with him now, it’s the hardest you’ve ever heard him laugh. You both just laugh for a few minutes, as if each other's company is the most amusing thing in the world.

Once your giggles fizzle out you wait another moment before breaking the silence.

“Where did you grow up?” You can’t see him but you can sense where he sits in the darkness, you crawl forward so you’re sitting between his legs, your own legs wrap around his waist. “I’m just curious.”

“Aq Vetina.” You can’t recall anything about the planet. You aren’t even sure you’ve heard of it.

“Do you remember your parents well? You don’t talk about them very much.” You put your hands on his shoulders, ever so slowly moving them up to his neck until you’re cupping his face.

“I’ll never forget them.” He whispers.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. We can’t change the past.” You rub your nose against his, bumping them together as you hum and nod. “My mother loved ships. We didn’t travel, we never had a reason to, but she would take me outside and we’d watch ships fly past. I could never comprehend how she knew the name for all of them, it blew my mind.” You wrap your arms around his neck, staying silent in hopes that he’ll continue, he so rarely speaks so much. “My father worked a lot but he always made time for us, he was always home in time to say goodnight to me. He was always around when I needed him, he always provided for us. On his day off he’d spend the whole day cooking, I’d sit on the kitchen counter and tell him what my mother and I had done that week. When she’d come home we’d all eat dinner together.”

“You sound like you were a happy child.” You can’t help but smile.

“I never had reason to be otherwise.” He says it so matter of factly that you don’t doubt it for a second. He was loved. It only makes you smile wider.

“What were you like, as a child?”

“Well behaved.” You immediately begin laughing once more.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“Believe it. My mother homeschooled me, she always made sure I had manners. I wasn’t particularly athletic or talkative so I didn’t play with other kids a lot. It was just me and mama.” He sounds far away, it makes you want to hold him close and never let him go.

“So what did you do all day?” Your tone has softened significantly.

“I would sew.”

“Be serious.” He’s the one who laughs now at the disbelief in your voice.

“I am! I would sit with my mother after my lessons and we’d sew.” His fingertips dance along the back of your neck as he reminisces.

“What kinds of things?” You don’t tease. When you really think about it you suppose such a hobby is fitting for him. A task that requires precision and care.

“I would help her make clothes and blankets that she would sell most days. On the weekends she’d let me do whatever I wanted so I would practice my embroidery.”

“My heart is actually about to explode out of my chest, you’re so cute.” You put on a mocking tone but the thought of such a thing really does make your heart clench. “Little Din Djarin stitching his name into his clothes.”

“You’re a cruel woman.” He leans forward, knocking his forehead against yours, almost as if he were reprimanding you.

“What sorts of things would you embroider?” Your tone goes back to genuine, you could listen to him talk about himself for days and you’d never get bored.

“Whatever my mother wanted. I would ask her what I should do and then I’d stitch it onto her blanket or the hem of her skirt. Mostly flowers, she loved daisies.” You’re pretty sure one of your ovaries literally popped at the thought of a little boy with dark curls and big brown eyes sitting beside his mother and embroidering a daisy onto her skirt. Your heart flutters a bit as you think of the necklace he got you. The silver outline of a flower you now realize is a daisy. “If he was ever gone for more than one night for work my father would bring her daisies, one for each day he was away.”

“Do you still know how?”

“I used to fix Grogu’s clothes when he ripped them but I haven’t done much else since I was a boy. He says it with finality but you carry on, not wanting him to stop talking.

“What were their names? Your parents?”

“Clara and Arin Djarin.”

“Those are pretty names.”

“What was it like for you? You said you had seven siblings right?”

“Eight actually.” You think of them now. There were eight of you and your parents' love for all of you combined wasn’t even a tenth of how much Din’s parents loved him.

“Do you like having a big family?” He lifts you off of his lap, laying you back down as he crawls on top of you, laying against your chest.

“I love it. I miss my siblings everyday, do you think we’ll be able to visit them someday?”

“If it’s safe to, of course we will.” He tilts his head, if you weren’t in darkness he’d be looking at you.

“I wish they had visited here. They would have loved you.”

“You think?”

“Are you kidding me? The younger ones would adore you.” You tangle your finger in his hair, scratching his scalp. “Kids just naturally like you.”

“They just haven’t learned to fear me.” You frown when he says it like a fact.

“I think it’s more than that.”

“Yeah?” The hopeful tilt to his voice has you leaning down to press a kiss into his hair.

“Kids are intuitive, they can sense that you’re a good person.” He tenses up as you tell him he’s a good person. You know exactly what he’s thinking about now, how he punched your husband and then refused to leave.

Neither one of you wants to talk about that though, not today.

“What kind of room would you want? Since your current room isn’t to your liking.” He’s quick to change the subject and you let him.

“In all honesty, I like the cabin, I wish we could just live there.” You run your fingers through his curls as you think about it, gently pulling through any tangles.

“My cabin?” His voice is full of uncertainty as he pulls back a bit.

“It’s nice.” You feel a bit defensive, you consider the cabin to be the closest thing you have to a home. “Can you imagine getting to stay on Naboo? We could spend our mornings walking the market.” You rest your hand on the back of his neck now. “We could get jobs in the city, and then at night we’d come home.”

“To the cabin?” He still sounds rather skeptical of your hypothetical future.

“I’d cook dinner, you’d do the chores.”

“The cabin’s a bit small for us.”

“We’d make it a bit bigger, add a few bedrooms, we don’t need that much space.”

“A few?” He turns his head, his lips brush against your collar briefly as he kisses you there, freezing up when you speak again.

“At least two, one for us and then some for any little Djarin’s who might need space.” With that he sits up entirely, his legs straddle your stomach.

“Little Djarin’s?”

“And Grogu, he would come live with us as well.”

“You’d want him to live with us?”

“Of course, he’s a little Djarin.” Your hands rest on his thighs now as he seemingly ponders above you. He hums to himself in silence for a moment and you can’t help but grin at how seriously he’s taking all of this.

“How many?” He finally speaks again and you laugh at the bluntness of his question.

“Kids?”

“How many would you want?”

“You go first.” You haven’t ever talked about this sort of thing so you want to gauge his answer first so you don’t scare him too much with all the kids talk.

“Maybe five? Or six.”

“Six?” Your voice pitches up immediately and you feel a rumble in his chest as he laughs.

“Or five.”

“How about two, counting Grogu.” Turns out you didn’t need to worry about scaring him off.

“How about three?” Three is manageable.

“Counting Grogu?”

“Counting Grogu.” He seems satisfied with that.

“I suppose we could have three, you’re the one who has to build all the extra bedrooms.”

“I don’t mind.”

“I’d work at the library and you’d work in a shipyard, we’d take turns staying home with the kids.” You pull him back to you, taking his hands and dragging him to lay his head on your chest once more.

“I’ve got enough savings, neither one of us has to work if you’d like.” It sends a twinge of pain to your heart how real this conversation has become, knowing that this exact dream isn’t possible.

You could always make parts of it real.

Someday.

“I’d want to work, to get out of the house, but you could stay home if you’d like.”

“When they’re still ik’aad, at least for the first few years I’d want to be with them.” He’s going to be a wonderful father.

“Then I’d work, not long hours, just enough to get me out of the house, when I come home I’d give you a break, you could do the shopping and I’d watch the little’s.”

“We’d go as a family, I wouldn’t want ‘a break.’”

“You’d want to wrangle three kids in the markets?” You scoff in disbelief but he continues to sound completely serious.

“They’d be well behaved.” You seriously doubt that.

“What about either one of us makes you think our children will be well behaved? Is Grogu well behaved?”

“We’ll manage.”

“They’ll be wild.” They will, not they would.

“And smart.” He sits up again, hovering above you to give you a quick kiss.

“And happy.” There isn’t a doubt in your mind that your children would be happy with Din as their father.

“You’d really want to live here? I could build us a house anywhere.”

“I like Naboo, at least everything outside of the castle. I don’t even mind the castle, I just don’t care for the people inside it.” It’s true, somewhere along the way this place grew on you immensely. You love the city and the people in it. “And they’d get to play in the garden.”

“I would build you a cabin anywhere you wanted, and I’d plant you a new garden.” He kisses along your cheeks and forehead as he speaks.

“You wouldn’t need to plant me a garden if we lived here.” You insist.

“We can’t live here, mesh’la.” He rubs a small circle with his thumb against your cheek. “This is too serious now, we’re supposed to be relaxed today.”

“When did we agree on that?” You muster up a weak laugh.

“It was a silent mutual agreement.”

“I’m plenty relaxed.” You mumble. He buries his face in the crook of your neck, his stubble tickling you as you let out an airy giggle.

“I’m actually very tense and I think we should take a break from all this talking and take care of that.” He mumbles against your shoulder.

“Oh?”

“Mhmm.” He emphasizes his point by pressing his erection against your hip, you hadn’t even realized that this is where he was going with that.

“How long have you been waiting to jump me?”

“When we started talking about the five kids I was gonna put in you.” He continues to nip at your neck and shoulders as he speaks.

“Skipping the agreed upon three and going straight to five already? You’re not even going to attempt to negotiate for four?”

“So you’re open to four?” He pulls back and you can hear his smile.

“Let’s start with one and go from there.”

“Right now?” His hips stutter down a bit against yours.

“Maker, you’re insatiable.” You both burst into another fit of laughter.

“What’s the worst thing that could happen?”

“I could get pregnant, and considering the lack of sex I’ve had with my husband I’m sure that might raise a few eyebrows.”

“It would never get to that point, when we’re in the clear with this whole Kodo mess I’m getting you out of here.”

“Like… actually leaving Naboo?”

“Exactly like that. I’m gonna take you far away from here when this is over, gonna keep you all for myself.” His hands move down, giving your hips a squeeze.

“I’m already yours.” You laughed, rolling over to be on top of him. He’s right, if you’re going to leave anyway then what’s the worst thing that could happen?

You never talked about that night after that.

When everything sorted itself out you realized how crazy your fear had made you. You couldn’t just leave. At least that’s what you’d told yourself, now you feel like an idiot for not holding him to his words. It wasn’t realistic, you both knew actually leaving would take so much more preparation than a few whispered ideas during a time where neither one of you was in any position to be making such promises.

It was just talk.

Lysa came to get you from the dining room.

After everyone left you had no motivation to move, you just stood there, frozen in time. After a few hours she found you, she had taken your hand and walked you back to your chambers. She held your hand, she kept you upright when you threatened to crumble. And when you felt a wave of nausea ripple through you she rushed you to the fresher, a hand on your back as you threw up all over again.

You sat breathlessly on the tile, Lysa rubbing your back.

“Gods, I’ve been nauseous since the wedding. Even before everything fell apart.” It’s the first words you’ve spoken since they took Din, your stomach is still churning. “This has never happened before.” You groan, you’ve had many moments of upset throughout your life, but none that made you physically ill. Lysa looks almost painfully worried.

“Ma’am… is there a chance you might be…”

Kriff.

You never talked about that night after that.

Maybe you should have.

You both did a lot of things during those days. You had been so angry, and he had done everything in his power to ease that anger, to keep both of you as happy as someone could be in your situation.

You shouldn’t have used that as an excuse to be reckless.

“I’d like to go to bed.”

“Of course.” She helps you to your feet, walking you back to your room, you turn to her one last time before you close the door.

“I’m sorry. Elaine never should have gotten involved in all this.” You’d trade places with her in a heartbeat if you could.

“It’s not your fault.” She truly seems to believe that.

Except it is. Elaine never would have found herself in this situation if she hadn’t so often been helping the two of you keep your secret.

“Goodnight, Lysa.”

“Goodnight, princess.”

You lay on the bed, unable to bring yourself to sleep in the closet.

It’s cold. Colder than Hoth, as you stare at the ceiling in your far too big bed in your far too big room. Even bigger now that it’s just you.

You let your hand roam down your torso to rest on your stomach.

Just you, hopefully.

☆

You’re now having nightly dinners with Kodo.

You don’t get any respite from him, you just want to stay in bed. You’re nauseous and tired and your head hasn’t stopped spinning since that night. A million thoughts a minute.

Where is he?

Is he okay?

What the fuck can I do about it?

Mostly that.

The worst part is your lack of a plan. If the roles were reversed Din would have already rescued you and you’d be living happily ever after.

But that isn’t how your story is going. Instead you are alone, with no scheme on how to get to him. It’s only been three days but it’s driving you insane, you have never known such hopelessness, it’s maddening. To sit alone in your room all day, staring at the ceiling until Lysa comes to dress you for dinner. Neither one of you ever speaks, afterall, what would you say to each other?

“I’m sorry the love of your life had been sentenced to die?”

How morbid.

Not that you’re above being morbid.

You think about it often. How easy it would be to drive your dinner knife into Kodo’s throat. You’re seated beside him now at dinner, both of you at the head of the table, joined by the rest of his family.

The thought of killing him is the only thing that brings you peace these days. You’ve never once in your life been violent until now. Din is good. He’s a good man. In every way he is the opposite of your husband yet Din is the one locked away, Maker knows where, while Kodo is being rewarded.

It doesn’t make you mad, it makes you furious.

It makes you want to poison his wine.

But you don’t have poison.

And you can’t put yourself in danger. Because you feel fundamentally different, and even if you refuse to think that such a thing is possible you know you wouldn’t just be putting yourself in danger. There’s more at stake now.

That’s what you tell yourself to stay calm, a feat that is getting harder by the minute as you’re sat beside Kodo who is currently bragging about how he defeated a Mandalorian.

“They aren’t as strong as you think they are. Under the armor they’re weak, pathetic.”

It took six battle droids to keep him down. You didn’t even get near him.

“Some people just need to be taught a lesson, don’t touch what isn’t yours.” He sneers and the rest of the table erupts into laughter. “I certainly taught that horned bitch a lesson as well, you all should have seen what they brought me last night.”

You perk up, this is the only thing they’ve said in days that truly matters to you. You’ve heard nothing about the current state of either of them until now.

“What did they do to Elaine?” Everyone’s head turns to you, all their expressions look as if you’ve announced something treasonous but Kodo smiles as if he were explaining something to a child.

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.” He puts his hand over yours when he says it.

You don’t ask for any follow up.

You don’t think you could stomach it, so you stay silent for the rest of your meal. When you’re finished you stand, the rest of the table is starting to pour more drinks but you simply lean down, mumbling something about being tired before giving Kodo a quick kiss on the cheek and dismissing yourself.

You’re waiting for the night where he joins you in your chambers, after all his father is dead, but it has yet to happen. He had told you that once he was king he would be in need of heirs but he seems happy enough with his pleasure houses and you’re more than grateful for the women you entertain him so you don’t have to.

So you return to your chambers alone, peeling off your gown before burying yourself under the covers.

Sleep evades you as you toss and turn. You aren’t even tired, there’s too much going on in your mind, there’s no room for exhaustion. After about an hour you manage to drift in and out of unconsciousness, earning a brief reprieve from your anxieties until a sharp knocking has you jolting upright.

You don your robe, rubbing sleep from your eyes as you rush to the door, you’re too tired to wonder who might even be bothering you at such an hour as you pull the door open.

Lysa?

“We have to hurry, ma’am.” She grabs your arm, frantically tugging you into the hall.

“Lysa? What are you doing? Are you okay?”

“I am fine, but we don’t have much time.”

“Surely you have enough to tell me where we are going.”

“Do you want to see him or not?”

Din.

You nod, taking her hand as he rushes onward, stopping at each hall to peer around the corners until you make your way to a servants stairwell, skipping several steps in your descent until you run out of stairs. You’ve never been down here, you didn’t even know there were dungeons until recently.

It makes your stomach twist in knots the moment you stare into the darkness.

“Are there no guards?” You whisper, squeezing her hand.

“Not for the next hour, I’ve made sure of it.” She begins walking down the poorly lit corridor, pulling you along behind her.

The stone floor is damp and it smells of mildew. Your bare feet are already freezing after just a few steps.

Every cell you pass is lit from the outside with a hanging lantern, they’re mostly empty, but you catch glimpses of movement out of the corner of your eye every now and then. In all honesty you’re doing your best to take in as little as possible, you don’t want to think about Din being down here in such a place, but there’s one element you can’t ignore.

The wailing.

Someone is weeping, a low, sorrowful song filling the vast maze of halls and you realize quickly you’re heading in its direction, Lysa tenses beside you as you continue on. You’re about to turn one more corner when she abruptly stops, turning to face you.

“He needs to eat.” She removes a fistful of rations from her apron pocket, shoving them into your hands.

“He hasn’t?” He’s been down here for three days.

“He won’t… let me.” You pause, cocking your head to the side and she gives you an apologetic look when she turns. “He won’t let me uncover his face.”

Oh.

“I’ll feed him.” You nod slowly, tucking them into your own pockets before turning the corner. The contents of the cell immediately on your right have you stumbling backwards but Lysa is not swayed, pulling a key from her pocket, unlocking the door quickly before handing it to you.

“He’s two cells down, on your right.” She doesn’t look at you as she rushes in, pulling a roll of bandages from her dress. “Shh… it’s okay, I’m here.” Her voice goes soft as she kneels beside Elaine. You can’t help it as you step into the entryway of the cell.

Well, you’ve found the source of the wailing.

She’s sat on a cot, curled in on herself as Lysa carefully peels back a series of soiled bandages from her face.

“I’ve got you, it’s just me.” She continues to make an attempt to sooth a rather hysterical Elaine as she peels back the final layer of bandages and your stomach flips. “You’re okay, love, I need to change these.” You don’t know how Lysa is so calm, even in the darkness you can see the extent of her wounds. Now you know what they brought Kodo last night.

Both eyes.

“She was properly punished, the way someone who observed such a crime with no intervention should be.”

Oh gods.

You’re worried you may collapse as you watch Lysa tend to her with no hesitation, cleaning them with a careful hand before she begins to redress them. You can’t bear to watch any longer as Elaine begins sobbing once more. You try desperately to force the sight of your mutilated friend from your mind as you count down two more cells before quickly fumbling for the lock, letting it hit the floor as you take the lantern outside the door off its hook, bringing it into the dark room.

It isn’t like Elaine’s cell.

There’s no bed or interior light, it’s terribly dark and fetid, his cell running deeper than her’s. It takes a few steps for you to finally illuminate the room enough to see him.

Maker.

What have they done to your Din?

You don’t hear Elaine anymore, there isn't a single thing that could distract you from the scene in front of you. There is nothing but the sight of your kar’ta. There’s too much for you to worry about, you don’t even know where to start, you’re frozen in place, a small part of your brain refuses to recognize the man before you as Din at all. He shouldn’t look like this.

Armorless.

They’ve stripped him of any clothing you recognize, the thought alone makes you nearly lose your dinner.

They took his helmet, replacing it with a linen sack.

Did they see his face?

You briefly have to shut your eyes, taking a deep breath as you take in the rest of him. His clothes are too thin, he must be freezing, they’ve dressed him in a cotton tunic and trousers that end just below the knee. You can see just how beaten and bruised he is. Unlike Elaine he’s in chains, kneeling on the floor with his hands shackled, taut above his head. You swallow the lump in your throat and finally crouch down in front of him, setting the lantern down beside you as you reach out to place a hand on his chest.

“Din…” Your voice cracks and the moment you come in contact with him he flinches back. Suddenly you know how Lysa held it together so well with Elaine, she just had to. You can’t fall apart, who would care for him now if you did? “It’s me, just me. Just me.” You whisper and place a hand over his heart but withdraw it quickly when he trembles under your touch. You ache at the sight of it but more than anything you’re confused, it only takes a moment for you to realize the issue.

He doesn’t have his helmet. They’ve not only left him here blind, but deaf, of course any touch would frighten him.

He assumes you're here to harm him.

You lean in, careful not to come in contact with him as you speak clearly and loudly.

“Din?” His trembling stops instantly. You find it a bit troublesome how much worse his hearing seems to have gotten in such a short time, you’re half tempted to reach under the bag to make sure he still has his ears.

“Sarad?” Oh, Din. His voice is terribly small and it sends you forward, wrapping your arms around him as you pull him into an unreciprocated embrace.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.” You make sure to speak loud enough for him before pulling back, placing your hands against the fabric covering his face.

“Are you okay?” He coughs a bit as he asks and you almost laugh at how ridiculous the question is considering the state he’s in. Are you okay?

Technically no.

But far better than he’s doing.

“I’m perfectly fine, what can I do for you? Are you hurting?” You feel his face through the bag as you look down across his body. It doesn’t look like there’s been any permanent damage outside of a pretty nasty cut on one of his legs.

“Don’t worry about me.”

“Now’s not the time to play the hero, Din.” He flinches a little and you calm your tone immediately. What the hell did they do to him? “Just let me help.”

“How’d you get down here?”

“Lysa, she says you aren’t eating.”

“She’d have to lift my- the bag to do it.” He sounds apologetic, as if you could ever fault him for following his creed.

“It’s okay… may I?” You bring your hands to the hem of the bag but his head turns sharply.

“I- I don’t want you to look.”

You have no response. He’s always wanted you to look.

“I just, I don’t think you wanna see the condition I’m in. I don’t want your only memories of my face to be this.” He whispers when you don’t respond.

You should have looked when he asked you to. You should have done a lot of things differently.

You shouldn’t have waited so long to look.

You shouldn't have waited so long to tell him you loved him.

You should have just let yourself love him. Why did you fight it for so long? It seems silly now. If you could do it all again you would have just taken his helmet off the first night you met him and you would have married him right then and there. You would have left Naboo that night.

And you would never keep any of it from him. You would tell him how important he is and how loved he is, you wouldn’t make him wait.

Even now you can’t help it though, censoring yourself out of fear. Do you tell him about how nauseous you get every morning? About the way Lysa stares at your belly when she does your makeup?

No.

It wouldn’t do either of you any good, not when he’s in this situation.

You take hold of the edges of the bag once more, gentler this time.

“I’ll close my eyes.” You lift the fabric completely off of him, setting it in your lap as you simultaneously shut your eyes. You keep one hand on his face, using your thumb to find the corner of his mouth as your other hand fumbles to open a ration bar. You feel him part his lips as you feed him. He’s barely chewing, eating quickly and swallowing most of it whole. “Have they fed you at all?” You whisper as he finishes the first bar in a matter of seconds, his teeth lightly scraping against your fingers before you withdraw them, tearing open another bar.

“No.” His voice is still soft as you go to feed him once more, opening each package until he’s eaten them all.

“Are you still hungry? I could see if Lysa has more.”

“I’m okay.” You let your head fall forward, resting your forehead on his.

“What else can I do for you?”

“Nothing. Being here is enough.”

If you had felt helpless before it was nothing compared to this. This is more than helplessness, it’s despair.

“I’m sorry.” You pull yourself further into his lap, wrapping your arms around him in the process.

“Hey… none of this is your fault.” It certainly feels like it is. Why does he keep comforting you when he’s the one shivering and alone down here?

“Please, there has to be something I can do to help you.”

“There is one thing.” You almost open your eyes, you're so relieved, you just want to ease his pain.

“Anything. I’ll do anything.”

“I need you to promise me you won’t look.”

“Won’t look?” Your eyes are already closed, you couldn’t look any less if you tried.

“When they do it. I don’t want you to see it- it won’t be pretty.”

When they separate his head from his body.

“I won’t.” You can’t deny him this, you’ll give him anything he wants. “Do you know how much I love you?” You whisper before leaning forward another inch to kiss him.

The question is genuine. It terrifies you to your core to think that he may not know just how much you love him.

“Of course sarad.” He murmurs against your lips until you let your head rest on his shoulder, fighting back tears.

What do you say now?

What do you say to a man condemned to death?

“I love you.” You mumble into the thin fabric of his tunic.

“I love you too.” After a moment more with him you hear metal jingling as Lysa locks Elaine's cell once more. You quickly pull back from him, pulling the bag back over his head, once you know he can’t see you anymore the tears flow freely. Lysa steps into the cell and you remove your robe, wrapping it around him, immediately he begins to protest.

“Mesh’la, you can’t leave this here.” His voice is strained and it makes you sick to think he started crying once he was out of sight as well.

“Please, y-you’re gonna freeze.”

“They’ll know you were here, sarad’ika.”

“Din…” You’re practically babbling as Lysa removes your robe from his shoulders, an apologetic look on her face as she grabs your arm.

“Ma’am, I’m sorry, but we need to go.” Tears sting your eyes as Lysa urges you to hurry but you don’t want to leave him, you want to stay, no matter the consequence. You pull away from her, wrapping your arms around his torso.

“You need to go.” His voice is urgent through the fabric as you cling to him tighter.

Would it be easier to just stay? Get caught and join him at the executioners? You’re genuinely considering it when you feel your stomach churn once more and you’re reminded of the exact reason why you can’t stay. Before you lose your nerve and shatter completely you lift the bag, just enough to give you an eyeful of his split lip and bruised jaw as you gently lean in and kiss him one more time.

Doing everything in your power to remember exactly what it feels like.

The curve of his lips and the shape of his chin, the overgrown stubble brushing against your skin as you press your face harder against his, desperation taking over as you taste salt on his lips. You hold him as long as you can, until you hear Lysa urging you to make haste once more.

“I love you.” You press your forehead to his through the fabric, feeling the familiar shape of his face against yours.

“I’ll always be yours.”

That was the last thing he was able to say before you let Lysa drag you out of the dungeons.

☆

It’s like everythings suddenly back to the beginning.

You wake up alone, you go to bed alone, and you wander the castle alone.

There is no plotting or scheming to free Din.

Even if you were a trained killer or bounty hunter, it would be more than difficult to get him out of the dungeon and on a ship off Naboo. It would be even harder to do so when you’re one of the most recognizable people on the planet.

He is buried deep beneath the ground and there is nothing you can do about it.

After all, you're just a doll.

You don’t know when it happened but all your clothes are blue again. Every dress Lysa fetches from the closet is a different shade of blue and all your nightgowns are the color of the sky. A personal brand put on you by Kodo. It’s clearly more than just a preference now, it’s a reminder to you and everyone else that you’re his.

And time blends.

You know a date was set right around the time you visited him. One week until Kodo’s coronation and two until the execution. His first public event after being crowned king will be a death sentence, how fitting.

So you wake.

And you sleep.

And you walk.

Kodo never replaces Din and you haven’t seen Leo since that night, so you’re completely alone. It’s like he’s rubbing in the fact that you’re powerless. There’s no need for you to have a guard, you can’t leave. If you tried you’d be escorted back in an instant.

You tried to convince Lysa to let you see him again last night.

“Please, just a few minutes-“

“I’m sorry ma’am, it’s just not possible. The only reason I was able to get you down there the first time was because the guard that usually lets me in was working nights, he won’t be working nights again until next month.”

Din won’t live to see next month.

“Is he eating?”

“He won’t let me-“

“You need to insist. Tell him I insist, and tell him you’ll close your eyes.”

She pins back a bit of your hair, leaving half up and half down. You both bask in the silence for a moment.

“I’ll make sure he eats.”

“Thank you.”

That had been the last conversation you had with Lysa.

She doesn’t come to dress you in the morning. You think nothing of it and dress yourself in the gown she’d laid out last night. It’s a bit difficult, putting your coronation gown on on your own but eventually you manage, when you’re fully dressed in the obscenely decadent blue fabric you begin to worry.

You have no reason to assume that everything is fine. It would actually make sense for this to be a worst case scenario situation, everything else in your life is right now.

You’re about to leave in search of her but you decide against it. Sitting at the vanity and doing your makeup as quickly as possible, the last thing you need to do right now is give Kodo a reason to be upset with you, you have to be presentable. You smear the shimmering blue eyeshadow across your lids before rushing out of your room.

The halls are full. Servants move quickly from room to room, cleaning every inch as you carefully push through the crowds, making a beeline towards the dining room.

Kodo is seething when you push open the large doors.

He stands at the end of the table, shoving an armored guard as the veins in his neck jut out in his rage.

“Where could she have possibly gone? She’s blind. You’re telling me some blind bitch outsmarted my entire guard?”

Your heart flutters at the thought.

They escaped.

Your hope is shattered the moment Kodo begins speaking again.

“At least we still have the Mandalorian… I want security tripled, guards stationed outside his cell at all times.” He continues grumbling for a moment until he realizes you’re there. “Happy coronation day dear wife! I’m afraid we’ve had a rough morning here, somehow in the night the Togruta girl escaped, do not fret, we’ll find her.”

God's you hope not.

Even if things are worse than ever regarding Din there is one flicker of light in that darkness. Lysa got Elaine out. Knowing that almost puts you at ease.

“Happy coronation day.” You actually manage a smile when you look at your husband, it’s weak but it’s genuine. You want to be mad that they didn’t help Din escape but you just can’t be. You know they most likely tried but if the roles had been reversed and you could only get one of them out you wouldn’t hesitate.

So there is no animosity. Just a flicker of happiness for them.

They got out.

☆

You were under the impression that a coronation was a happy event. Yet when you step out onto the castle steps it seems to be quite the opposite.

They look miserable.

All of their faces are sullen and dejected. How shocking, no one is excited about Kodo being crowned king. He didn’t have any of the outside of the castle decorated or made presentable in any way. No one reacts when Kodo reads from an ancient looking book until a crown is placed on his head.

A moment afterwards you’re instructed to kneel and a tiara is placed onto your head.

The audience is silent and you feel shame when you stare out at them.

Even if you don’t have very much power you still feel as if you’ve failed them. The feeling follows you when you’re directed to the dining hall with Kodo.

“I have a couple gifts for you, wife.” His twisted smile makes your stomach turn as you enter the dining hall, now decorated with blue and gray banners.

“A gift? You shouldn’t have, my king, I- I didn’t get you anything.” You feign remorse as you take a sip of the wine in front of you on instinct before spitting it back up into the cup.

“That’s more than okay, you’re my gift, sweet wife, all mine.” The thought of such a thing makes you sick, you smile despite yourself.

“That’s very kind.” You’ll only ever be Din’s. No amount of blue fabric and faux smiles can change that. He snaps his fingers and a large box is brought to you by a servant, they set it directly in front of you on the table. You look at Kodo who nods, sitting back in his chair as you stand, the box is wrapped in checkered blue paper, a large bow adorning the top. Your hands tremble a bit as you take hold of the edges of the ribbon, tugging on them until the bow slips free, much to your surprise the entire box falls open, the sides collapsing giving you an immediate view of the contents.

The silver, shimmering contents.

Din’s helmet.

Polished like new, it sits before you, and the room suddenly empties. It’s as if you are completely alone, despite all the eyes that are most definitely pinned on you right now. Your hands continue to shake as your fingers wrap around the beskar steel, like you would when you held Din’s face, lifting it to glare into the visor.

Empty.

You can’t help but stare at your own emptiness reflected back at you.

You want to hold it close, press it to your forehead but you’re snapped back to reality by the grating sound of Kodo’s voice breaking you from your focus on the helm between your hands.

“That’s only one of your presents, open the next one.” He hisses gleefully.

You set the helmet down, realizing there was another, much smaller box underneath it. Silently you scoop it up and cradle it in your hands. It’s a larger than a ring box, it just barely fits in your palm as you ever so gently open it, swinging the top open as if it were a tiny treasure chest.

Huh.

It takes a moment.

You aren’t exactly sure what it is you’re looking at at first but when it registers your entire body tenses up, your grip tightening on the gift box.

Bloody and pink, a tongue.

Of course you know better than to assume Kodo would give you any old tongue. This is a special someone’s tongue.

No, no, no, no, no.

You had loved his tongue before anything else.

He can’t do this, he cannot do this to you.

You had fallen for his sharp wit first, it was what drew you into him. His sweet words had won you back, his declaration of devotion.

Now you hold all of that in the palm of your hand.

“What do we say?” His nasally voice breaks through your mental anguish.

No.

“Come on, where are your manners?”

Please.

“Thank you.” Your whisper is nearly silent as you struggle to keep down the scream bubbling in your throat.

“What was that?”

You clear your throat.

“Thank you.”

He makes you take it with you. You don’t bother telling him you won’t be attending the coronation ball in a few minutes, it’s not like you’ll be missed.

In one arm you’re cradling his helmet, in the other the little blue box.

You set each one down carefully onto the bed, even if it’s a bit demented these are the only parts of him you have left. You stare at the little box.

You have never been hateful.

Kodo made you into this. You are full of hate, for most things at this point. You hate your husband, you hate your room, and most of all you hate the little blue box on the bed.

And the music starts.

It must be deafening in the hall for you to hear it from your room but it’s there, loud and demanding of your attention.

You’re moving before you even have a chance to think about it, in a few quick strides you’re standing beside the vanity, your hands gripping the top of the mirror as you pull it down in one swift motion, the contents spill everywhere and the glass shatters in an instant, shards splattering the floor but you take no time to process it.

You move on to the next thing.

You yank each drawer from the dresser, throwing them to the floor, clothes strewn about until it’s light enough for you to push the entire dresser over. In your frenzy you go about the room toppling every stupid fucking table over. So many fucking end tables in one room, and you throw everyone to the floor, trinkets and vases clattering to the ground as you destroy the room. You get a rush of adrenaline as you lift one of your nightstands and throw it against the wall leaving a small dent but more importantly the force of it makes anything hanging on the wall tumble to the floor, glass frames shatter.

Your chest heaves as you stare at the carnage.

And it isn’t enough.

Your face is wet with tears and your hands with blood from cuts you didn’t feel upon your skin as you tear open the closet door, the pile of blankets mock you from the floor, you grab them, your vision now blurry with tears as you pull them out of the closet, throwing them onto your bedroom floor. When you return to the closet you’re in a frenzy, you tear at the fabric before you, yanking each and every dress off their hangers, ripping what you can.

There is nothing else for you to do, so you destroy everything you can get your hands on until the only thing left untouched is your bed, left in pristine condition as you let out a small sob.

Maybe you are a hateful person now.

You feel as though you have every right to be at this point.

You step over the shard of glass, giving your bloody hands a glance before wiping them on your gown.

Happy coronation day.

You sit on the bed, your trembling fingers wrap around the helmet, now that you’re alone you waste no time to hold it against you face, until your body just gives up, too tired to stay awake anymore.

☆

A guard wakes you in the morning, knocking on your door, when you answer it they tell you Kodo requires your presence in his chambers.

You dress in a blue gown that you don’t look too closely at. Stopping at the fresher on the way, rinsing the dried gore from your palms, wincing as you clean your wounds. None of which seem too deep.

You want to cut Kodo’s tongue out, to make him feel it. But you know that sort of thing would be an impossible task. So you daydream about it as you walk. You’re more than displeased when you open the door and are greeted by Leodall. You hadn’t seen him since that night and from the looks of it he wasn’t expecting you. He swallows loudly when you step inside Kodo’s room.

Normally you’d be curious, you’d probably take a look around but your eyes refuse to focus on anything but Leo as you scowl at him.

“Why’d you do it?” You don’t hesitate to ask, you have no idea how quickly Kodo will be joining you.

He simply stares at you, shame apparent on his face.

“You owe me an explanation at the very least.” You cross your arms in front of your chest as he clears his throat.

“I thought he’d reward me.”

You laugh. A harsh dry sound

“What could he have possibly given you that you couldn’t have just asked me for?” Your gaze never softens and you’re practically seeing red as you stare at him.

“I thought he’d give me a lordship.”

You can’t help it as another crisp and pained laugh slips past your lips.

“You thought Kodo would raise your status? I thought you were supposed to be smart.” Is he an idiot? “He doesn’t see servants as people, if you wanted such a thing you could have asked me, maybe I could have done something.”

A glimmer of something similar to hope flashes through his eyes.

“Would you- would you consider doing so now?”

“You cannot be serious-” Your expression goes from fury to disbelief as you stand.

“It seemed worth asking.” He puts his hands up defensively as you storm up to him, poking a finger into his face.

“You slimy little weasel, it should be you on the chopping block, not him. If it were up to me I’d have them put your head on a spike.” The words pour out of you like venom.

“I would be nicer to me if I were you.” He sneers and your incredulity only grows. You can’t help it, you scoff in his face.

“I would rather die.” A part of you really means it.

“You might if you aren’t careful, I saved your life by letting Elaine and your Mandalorian take the fall, I could have told the king that you were a willing participant. I saw the two of you together, I read your little rules. He never forced himself on you. I wonder what Kodo might think about that.” You aren’t a fighter, you’ve never so much as thrown a punch in your life but you grab him by the collar of his shirt and slam him into the wall, the back of his head hits the stone and you don’t feel an ounce of remorse as you do so.

“Do it.” You tilt your head to the side, almost as if you’re taunting him. “Tell him.” Any of the confidence he briefly had is gone in an instant. “The moment you do I’ll tell him that you’re covering your tracks, and that you made a pass at me. I wonder how Kodo would reward you for trying to touch what’s his?” Leo’s head turns as you both hear Kodo’s piercing voice in the hall. You release your grip on his shirt, brushing off your gown as you turn towards the door. Kodo and three others make their way into the room as Leo coughs behind you.

“Dear wife, I have another gift for you.” He takes a step to the side, gesturing at a line of three people you don’t give so much as a glance. He doesn’t even seem to notice the obvious tension in the room. “A new staff!”

“I don’t need a new staff, I’m fine on my own.” You abandon the pleasantries. You’re in such a state of upset right now, what's the point?

“You’re the queen now, staff is required. These three will replace the ones you've lost in a week, until then Leodall will be training them intensively to tend to your every need. Two guards will also be assigned to you but I promise they will be much less loathsome than your Mandalorian.”

All five of them will be trained to keep an eye on you. To report back to Kodo, after everything with Din you should have known he’d keep you on a shorter leash.

You barely look at them.

You hate them.

You shouldn’t, they’ve done nothing wrong, but you hate them.

You give each one a quick up and down, naming them in your mind.

A BD-3000 droid commands the most authority just based on how she stands so you mentally note her as Elaine's replacement. You’ll call her new Elaine.

New Lysa is a pasty young blonde woman with rosy cheeks. You truly wonder how well informed she has been on your circumstance. She’s smiling from ear to ear and seemingly couldn’t be happier to be here.

And new Leo is somehow even more nervous looking than actual Leo, practically shaking like a leaf at the sight of you. The bags under his eyes are worse than your own. A lanky thing with messy brown hair.

There’s no reason for you to fight this, Kodo always gets his way so why bother. So you nod. You don’t pretend to be grateful this time, instead you shove your way past all of them, content to return to your room and never leave.

☆

The morning of the execution comes before you’re ready for it.

Of course you didn’t sleep last night, how could you?

You dress yourself, apparently your new staff isn’t starting until tomorrow, not that you mind another day to yourself. You manage to find something that isn’t blue, a gray dress trimmed with gold, the closest thing you’ll find to funeral attire. No one else will dress with any respect for him but they can’t stop you. Your vanity is destroyed so you don’t bother with your hair or your makeup, you simply don’t care enough.

For the most part you feel nothing when you open the door, only emptiness until you look down.

Someone left you a small vase of flowers.

You pick them up, taking a closer look but your heart skips a beat when you do so.

Daisies.

After a few short breaths you throw the vase into the wall across from your door, tiny shards of porcelain fly everywhere as two servants at the end of the hall give you a look of horror. Your shoes crunch over the remains of it as you make your way down the hall and to the entryway of the castle.

Kodo insists that the two of you get to see him first.

You’re sweating wildly out on the steps as you wait.

Long before you’re ready for it they bring him out.

A shivering skeleton of a man with a linen bag over his head, immediately bile rises in your throat. Kodo is grinning ear to ear when his legs are kicked out from under him and he’s forced to kneel.

Kodo himself reaches forward and tears the bag off, too excited for any decorum or finesse.

You gasp as you stare down at the broken man before you.

In all honesty he isn’t at all what you envisioned.

His eyes verge on being hazel; they're such a light brown. You’d always pictured them to be nearly black. It doesn’t matter what color they are though, when you see the tears forming in his lash line you flinch, clutching the ring on your necklace to silently let him know silently just how much he means to you.

He’s a mess.

You don’t like looking at what those weeks in the dungeons did to him and the last thing you need to do right now is empty your stomach on the palace steps.

He’s too thin. Far, far, too thin, it’s like his entire being has shrunk down. He’s hollow.

Your breath hitches when Kodo grabs a fistful of his dark hair, forcing him to turn and stare at the crowd. They must have cut it while he was down there it’s a mess, jagged edges and shorter than you’re used to.

“This man has committed an act of treason against the crown.” His voice is loud and booming as the city goes quiet. “For such a crime he shall face the proper punishment.” He yanks him downawards, you watch in horror as Din’s head hits the stone, an incoherent mess of sounds pour from his bloody mouth and you have to look away.

He didn’t want you to look.

You remind yourself to try and calm your breathing. You can hear the scuffle as they drag him to the guillotine, placing his neck into the wooden divot, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest as you turn to look. His eyes are everywhere but on you as he looks at the people around him, desperately pleading for his life. Not a single person so much as glances at him, afterall, it’s just nonsense, no one can understand him without a tongue.

You can’t stand it, you almost cover your ears but you manage to resist as Kodo puts an arm around your waist, pulling you close to him.

“You’re welcome, sweet wife.” He whispers, his breath hot and wet against your ear.

Fuck it.

You don’t suppress the shudder in your spine as you shoot him a look of disgust. In a matter of moments everything you care about will be gone, why pretend any longer.

A bellowing chime plays from a nearby clock tower and you know it’s time, you straighten up as you stare at the guillotine in abject horror.

This is it.

Your chest rises and falls in sharp short bursts as everyone prepares themselves, a hush forming among the crowd on the street.

And it begins, a chain reaction that you cannot stop now that the executioner has his ax raised above his head.

You had expected more. More time.

A part of you thought that time would slow, that you’d have a chance to stop it.

But no.

There is no epic fairy tale moment where the sun glimmers off of the blade and the executioner raises his ax, giving you this perfect moment to run to him, to shield him from the inevitable, to beg them to take you with him.

That moment never comes.

You barely have enough time to close your eyes like you promised him. In one unbroken motion the rope is cut, the blade falls and boom.

Just like that, he’s gone.

When you hear the metal slicing through the air you squeeze your eyes shut, hearing only the wet crunch as it cuts through flesh and bone. A soft, squishy thud when his head hits the stone.

In fashion with your decision to no longer hide your disgust from Kodo you vomit. Bending down you puke onto the stones, spraying your own, and Kodo’s feet. The triumphant smile on his face vanishes as he realizes what’s happened. You wipe your mouth on the back of your hand, refusing to look at Din’s limp body as you give Kodo one last look of detestation before turning around and running back into the castle, not caring what anyone thinks anymore.

The moment you’re inside the reality of it all settles in as you feel tears falling wildly as you run up the steps to your room.

☆

You have been good, and kind, and in return the maker rewarded you by killing the love of your life.

So when you stand in the center of your demolished room you do the only thing your body can do at this point.

You scream.

From deep within your stomach, you scream, loud and raw.

If anything was left unbroken in your room you’d be throwing it at the wall. But there’s nothing so you scream.

You shriek.

You howl.

And you wail.

You scream until there is no more noise. Your voice, like the rest of you, gives up.

You aren’t sure how late it is when you finally stop. You’re tired and it’s dark outside and your throat is raw.

And you lay on the floor. Because the bed is too big, and too cold, and the closet is so empty. So the only place left to sleep is there. You lay on the floor with no more tears to cry and no more sounds to scream as you stare at your bed, only from this angle can you see a rectangular shape under your bed frame.

You wipe your nose with a stray piece of fabric before slowly crawling over to it, you sit on the floor and when you retrieve the item a brand new lump forms in your throat as you stare down at the box Din had bought all those days ago at the market.

Your failsafe.

With quivering hands you open it, staring into the small space containing a mess of items but what catches your eye is a piece of folded paper with your name on it. You take it between your fingers, opening it, careful to not let your tears fall onto it.

Sarad’ika,

If you’re reading this then I’m afraid things aren’t going all that well for me. There are plenty of possible reasons as to why I’m no longer with you, but what’s important is that I plan on doing everything in my power to get back to you. There is only one thing in the galaxy that could keep me from your side, and if that is my fate then this box will ensure you’re taken care of.

The most important thing is for you to get off this planet. I have included a few possible plans for you, do what you have to to survive. Elaine will help you escape.

You can seek out Greef Karga on Nevarro. Tell him Din Djarin sent you, tell him what’s happened and he will see to it that you are cared for. Explain our circumstances and I am certain he will provide you with safe lodging.

Tatooine is also an option. You’ll find a Mandalorian there by the name of Boba Fett, he will not turn you away. You will be protected there, if you need to relocate for some reason after that he will help you locate the Mandalorian convert. Show the Mandalorians your ring and you will be cared for the rest of your life, the convert will protect you.

As an absolute last resort there is a planet located in the Outer Ring called Ossus. There is a school there, taught by a man named Luke Skywalker. I doubt he would be eager to take you in but you must insist. Bring the chainmail, they’ll know who sent you. Take care of each other.

In this box you will find enough credits to get you off planet and take care of you for several months, a year if you’re frugal, I suggest you take a few jewelry pieces to pawn off for extra credits as well. You will find a small chainmail shirt, and a necklace of mine.

And lastly you will find your vibroblade.

Protect yourself. You’re strong, and more than capable of doing so.

I have one request for you, please, I will only ask this one thing of you.

Be smart.

You are the smartest and kindest person I have ever had the honor of knowing. Be smart, take care of yourself. If the roles were reversed I know that I would go to extremes to either get you back, or find justice for you. And all I can do is ask that you do not attempt any such thing, the only thing I would ever want for you is safety and happiness.

So seek those things out.

Be safe. Be happy.

I was lucky to know you, and even luckier to be yours.

an ner kar'taylir darasuum,

Din

All my love.

You flip the paper over, desperate for more, more Din, but all you find is scrawled coordinates to each location. Your fingers sift through the items, everything he promised is found inside but you latch onto the blade. Laying back down on the floor you clutch it between your fingers as you think of Din.

Din, who was yours.

Din, who they took from you.

Who Kodo, took from you.

And your grip on the knife tightens.

☆

Two guards stand outside your door round the clock now.

They never follow you or come into your room but they’re there, silently watching as you direct all your anger at your new staff. As promised Leo trained them to be as persistent and infuriating as he was.

When the two new girls come to fetch you in the morning you can’t help it when you scream at them to leave you alone and to stop trying to clean the ever growing mess of things.

It doesn’t matter that it isn’t their fault, you can’t stand the sight of anyone.

All three of them try. New Elaine and Lysa show up three times a day, trying to dress you and squeeze their way past you into the room but after enough shrieking they always leave you be.

New Leo usually tries once or twice a day, you don’t even look at him. You always stare at the floor, when he tries to speak you give him the same treatment as the girls, screaming at him and slamming the door.

Why should you let them in? You know what they are. They’re here to spy on you, to be Kodo’s eyes while he’s busy being king. They’re easy to evade. When you leave to fetch yourself food or a book from the library you easily outrun them. The two girls are worse at navigating the castle than you were when you first arrived and new Leo has a bad leg, sometimes he’ll make attempts to limp after you but they’re always unsuccessful.

You think of nothing, day after day because there is nothing to think about.

Except for the fact that Kodo took your future away from you. He took everything from you.

If you thought time was blending before Din’s death nothing could have prepared you for now. You don’t track the days as well, you keep your curtains drawn and only leave when you get hungry or start to think of Din. The last thing you need to do is have another screaming fit so you keep him locked away in your heart, an ache that’s always there that you don’t address.

One day, in a fit of tears you took your knife and decided on a whim to kill Kodo. You didn’t care about the repercussions at that point you just wanted him to suffer but the moment you opened the door you nearly tripped, stumbling backwards the guards didn’t so much as glance at you.

Another vase of flowers.

You’re tempted to just kick them down the hall but you can’t help yourself when you lean down to pick them up.

A bouquet of blue lilies. Your nose twitches at the sight of them, out of the corner of your eye you see new Lysa and new Elaine approaching so you take the opportunity to slam the little glass vase into the stone floor. Glaring at them when you do before returning to your room.

☆

Maybe it’s been three days since Din died.

Maybe it’s been three months.

You aren’t sure.

You aren’t sure when you made plans to kill Kodo either but suddenly you have them. A fool proof way to get him alone.

And suddenly you’re dressed for the first time in, well, however long it’s been. In a baby blue nightie with a robe you march out into the hall. The guards watch in silence as you walk away, your bare feet scampering down the stairs until you find yourself watching the main entrance. Waiting for your loving husband to make his nightly trip to a pleasure house, a trip that is typically accompanied by guards.

You grip the handle of the knife in your pocket as you wait until you finally hear footsteps approaching.

“Kodo, honey?” You step out from behind the stone column, holding your robe closed as you bat your eyelashes at him. He stumbles around drunkenly until his eyes focus on you.

You’ve only used your voice for screaming for so long you sound meek, exactly as you want to right now.

“Wife?”

“I thought maybe you’d like to join me tonight…” You hold a hand out towards him, putting on a sickly sweet tone of innocence. His mouth twists into a grin.

“I knew you’d come around eventually.”

He doesn’t question where you’re taking him, he simply follows.

What a joke.

You pull him up the stairs, you know from hide and seek where to find an empty room so you guide him there in calculated silence until he trips a bit, laughing to himself as he stutters.

“I knew if I got rid of the Mandalorian you’d realize how much better I am than him.” The statement doesn’t sit right with you and he can see it on your face, even in his drunken state he can sense your confusion.

You both stop, you’re above him on the stairs as you turn and stare into his eyes.

“You- you knew?”

He simply nods, that sickening smile of his is plastered on his face. His icy blue eyes shimmer with delight.

“How long?”

“When Leo told me I remembered everything. That little altercation in the hall when your boy knocked me out came right back to me, from there it wasn’t hard to figure out.” Your eye twitches as he speaks.

He knew you loved him and he took him from you anyway.

Any hesitations you had are gone as you nod, pulling him onward until you reach the large vacant tower room. He’s so drunk you decide to just drop the voice, pointing at a spot on the floor.

“Lay down.” You mumble, reaching into your pocket once more.

He eagerly does as he’s told, laying down on the cold stone, you take a deep breath, in one swift motion you grab your knife, holding it behind your back as you toss your robe aside. He gives you a toothy grin as you ever so slowly walk to him, standing above him before sitting, straddling his waist.

You look him up and down, one last time.

Your loving husband.

One of his hands plays with the blue lace of your nightie as you collect yourself. You look up at the ceiling briefly.

I’m sorry.

Not for Kodo, but for Din. This is exactly what he didn’t want you to do.

You aren’t a killer. And you aren’t hateful, but a person can only be pushed so far before something breaks.

Be smart.

You think of Din’s note one last time before you bring the blade out in front of you and slam the blade into Kodo’s chest.

He makes a sickly wet sound, coughing as he stares at you in shock.

You remove the knife, the hot steel cauterizes his wounds, there isn’t so much as a drop of blood as your face twists with fury and you bring it down again into his stomach now.

How dare he look surprised by any of this.

After what he took from you? He deserves galaxies worse.

So you remove the knife.

And you stab him again.

And again,

and again,

and again.

Until there is no more shocked look on his face. You don’t have a snarky remark or a statement to commemorate your revenge, you’re all used up at this point, all you have is this, this stabbing motion.

He didn’t even have a chance to fight back.

You crawl off of his body, sitting on the stones as you toss the knife to the side, waiting for a rush of euphoria.

But it never comes.

It doesn’t feel as good as you thought it would.

Staring down at Kodo’s lifeless body. You let yourself crumble. Collapsing down onto the floor, gasping for air as you sob.

This was never going to bring him back.

You lay there on your hands and knees for quite some time, just wailing, because what else are you supposed to do right now? You realize far too late that this was never an act of malice, some demented and shattered part of you thought that this would somehow bring him back, that it would give you peace.

They won’t execute you.

You planned this exactly so they wouldn’t.

Kodo didn’t tell anyone about your relationship with Din in much detail, not enough for them to assume that you could be with child. Everyone will assume that it’s Kodo’s. They won’t kill you, they can’t.

Not if they think you’re carrying Kodo’s child. Now that Kodo’s dead, there’s no one to tell the royal family that you never consummated your marriage, your child is the most well protected person on the planet. The future monarch. It’s almost funny, you haven’t permitted yourself to think about the stirring within you as a child until just now, in this moment of weakness. A child, your child.

Who will most likely grow up without a mother because of the decisions you've made today.

You bite your fist, swallowing a scream as you sit back on your heels.

Your child will never know how loved they were. Your little one will never get to sit beside their mother while their father teaches them to sew. You put your head in your hands as you wail, no longer caring who hears. Your fate is sealed, what does it matter?

You don’t turn when you hear someone coming up the stairs. When they pull you into their arms you try uselessly to shove them away. Your vision is blurry and filled with tears as you stare up at the unfamiliar figure now holding you. They rub your back, drawing swirls and stars against your spine as they pull you closer.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you.” They mumble into your hair. You dry your eyes hastily on your sleeve, confused by the voice you’re hearing, it’s painfully familiar, on instinct you wrap your arms around their torso, pulling yourself into their lap as you both sit on the floor beside Kodo’s body. “You’re okay, I’m here.”

“I’m- I’m sorry.” You whisper against the stranger's shirt. You knew you weren’t hateful. You’re certain of it now because even though he took quite literally everything from you, you still feel bad when you look at Kodo.

A large hand cups your face, pulling you back to their chest so you can’t see the corpse anymore.

“I didn’t mean it- I- I didn’t mean to kill him. Well I did but I just-” You begin to ramble as a fresh flood of tears begin sliding down your cheeks.

“Hey- hey it’s okay. I know you didn’t mean it. We gotta get you cleaned up, okay? I’ll take care of this, I’ll fix it.” Their arms tighten around you, giving you a reassuring squeeze. You finally find the courage to look at your companion and it takes a moment for you to even realize who you’re looking at.

New Leo.

Why would he help you? You treat him like shit. When you look at him he looks like he’s about to cry and for the first time since Din was taken from you drop the walls you’ve put up and you let yourself feel bad for him. You show an ounce of kindness to him because in all honesty he’s the first person to make you feel safe since the night Din was taken from you.

A lighthouse while you sail through a storm.

So you hug him.

You pull yourself closer to him and you offer him a comfort you haven’t known for days.

“I’m sorry… for all of it, but especially the flowers, I should have told you, I just- you wouldn’t let me and the guards wouldn’t let me in without your permission and you just wouldn’t look at me.” He begins to mumble his own apologies, sending a surge of confusion through you.

You furrow your brows, pulling back once more giving him a perplexed look as you search his nearly black eyes for some kind of answer.

And it clicks.

All at once it snaps into place and you want to say his name, so desperately, but you’re terribly afraid of being wrong.

And then he smiles. A soft smile that makes you feel okay and you don’t even care if you’re wrong and you don’t care if it doesn’t make sense you just have to ask.

“Din?”

☆

a/n : yeah so uhhhhh yeah uhhhh this is the first chapter i've ever written where im actually very fond of the writing and nervous about the plot stuff so im gonna go hide?? and just vanish for a while lol

I don't have a tag list anymore !! follow @lincolndjarinnotifs for updates!!

#lincolndjarin #the mandalorian #best kept secret #bks #din djarin #the mandalorian x reader #the mandalorian fanfiction #the mandalorian x you #din djarin x reader #din djarin x you #din djarin fanfiction #mandalorian smut #din djarin smut #pedro pascal #din djarin/reader #din djarin/you

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mother-na · 1 year ago

Text

Yandere Policeman!Gojo X Reader X Yandere Policeman!Geto!

A one-shot set in a world where Jujutsu Sorcerers are replaced with a police unit and Curses are just a nuisance. With Gojo and Geto as policeman, you're bound to be caught somehow, since you're a mischievous curse! [Fem Reader]

Warnings!: Dubious Consent, Oral (both F and M receiving and giving), pet names (sweetheart, little curse), virgin reader, spit roasting, praise kink, lmk if I’m missing anything!

MDNI

NOT proof read or edited

You've been having so much fun! Being a human is a boring experience. You have to work to eat and then you just sleep, but not when you're a curse!

As a curse, you just run around, stealing whatever food you want and sleeping where ever you please. What does it matter? Nobody can see you anyway!

Or so you thought. Lately you've been staying in a mall. During the day you eat all the food in there, pet the animals in the pet shops, and ride the kiddy trains with the kids! And then you get to sleep in the mattress store with the poor night shift worker!

You know you haven't been well behaved, but to think that somebody would call the police!

You planned to stay and exploit the mall and leave at the first sign of danger, but you'd accidentally met them and changed your mind…

It was late at night and most people had already left. You'd figured you'd grab a muffin, one of your favorite treats, but sneaking through the staff hall, you'd noticed a handsome man staring at you.

His ridiculously blue eyes caught you off guard for a few reasons. For one, who has eyes that blue? And for two, why were they looking at you?

It took you a moment, but you soon realized that this man was of the policemen sent to subdue you.

You didn't run though. You thought maybe you could trick him into not killing you. Though most policemen just drive away curses instead of killing them.

But you've just about the seductive skill of puppy because rather than doing something flirtatious like flipping up your skirt you… jumped.

Yes jumped, like a dog getting ready to play, your legs firm on the ground and your back bent forward. Which, to be fair, as a curse you've never been able to understand sexual behaviors. You're just a mischievous curse, nothing more and nothing less.

Though, to your surprise, the man didn't have a negative reaction or one of even surprise. Instead, he gave half a chuckle, before mirroring you movements.

He jumped and leaned over just like you were, spreading his legs just like yours.

You couldn't help yourself after that! He's was basically inviting you to play!

You gave another little jump, and he jumped to, an amused smile in his face.

“You're so playful, for a curse,” The man spoke, his hands on his knees, “very human as well.��

You didn't quite understand what he meant, you couldn't look in mirrors or take photos of yourself so you've no idea you look human.

Still, you couldn't help but giggle. He should just shut up and play with you!

You turned your back on him, looking over your shoulder and swaying a little, inviting him to chase you.

“You wanna play? You sure?” the man chuckled, a boyish grin on his face, “Silly Curse, you don’t really think you have a chance, do you?”

You'd thought it'd be fun! And you were very very wrong for a bit there.

The man turned out to be significantly faster then you. You only got away because you morphed through the floor!

It was so scary! One moment it was all fun and games and the next his footsteps are right behind you! You could hear him panting and breathing, his large slender hand hovering just behind your neck.

Terrifying!

You'd thought he was the only one there that night, but you were wrong about that to!

As you caught your non-existent breath and drank some apple juice from one of the kitchens, you were caught by yet another one!

It was only thirty or so minutes later, just how fast were these guys moving?

“I guess Satoru was telling the truth.” a smooth voice spoke from behind you, almost making you drop your juice in surprise.

You huff, why are these people doing this? What jerks.

Taking another drink of your juice, you stick your tongue out.

“Aren’t you childish? Come here.” The man with black hair spoke, soothingly almost, stretching out his arms like he was inviting you.

You knew exactly what this was! He thinks that just because your a little childish that he can just beckon you and you'd listen! Stupid!

With a cocky attitude, you took steps back.

Right into the other’s arms.

Hooking his surprisingly thick arms underneath your armpits, trapping you against his chest. Was the blue eyed one from before!

“Geez Suguru, you almost scared her off! Scary~!” the man holding you teased.

The other man, Suguru, approached, ready to exorcise you, “Lets just hurry this up.”

You held your breath, preparing for your seemingly inevitable end.

But it never happened.

With sudden force, the man holding you lifted you with his arms under your pits, effectively swinging you to his side so his partner couldn't kill you.

“Or~ we can do something else!” the white-haired man proposed.

Suguru’s face changed to one of disgust, almost comically, “Whatever you about to suggest, please think it through…” the man basically pleaded. Poor guy must deal with his partner's nonsense often.

“I propose that we let this curse run around for just a little~ while longer. You know how the higher-ups are, they know we're the best so they plan to have us running errands till we drop, not that we’re at any risk of dying to curses like these~,” the man nuzzled his face playfully against yours, or perhaps it was meant to be condescending?

“So you just want to shirk your responsibilities then?” Suguru surmised.

“Right on the money~! Come on, you can't tell me it doesn't sound tempting.” the man squished his warm cheek against yours and gave the other man his best attempt at puppy eyes.

“C’mon, you smile too. It's your life on the line.” the white haired man spoke, to which you have an awkward smile.

Suguru looked at you two with a tired expression, pinching the bridge of his nose with light fingers.

“Fine.”

And with that, the three of you had an agreement!

It’s been couple weeks since and you’ve completely forgotten your plan to leave.

How could you not, the two policemen spoiled you! Suguru, or Geto, would give you all the attention you wanted, albeit passively.

You could lay in his warm lap and pet your head gently.

He didn’t warm up to you at first, but the more he witnessed your simple behaviors, he too could not help finding your antics amusing.

The other one, whom you discovered was Satoru Gojo, was more of a gift giver than a cuddler, strangely enough.

Sure, he was touchy, but only to tease you. Otherwise, he’d often give you snacks and treats to keep you out of causing more trouble. The more trouble, the more you convinced their superiors that you were more than they could handle.

In the day you got to lay at their feet and be fed and given attention and during the night they’d let you curl up with them in the break room.

You’d honestly thought you had something special…

“Yeah yeah… I know…. No we don’t need backup… yup, yeah. Goodbye.” You heard Gojo mumble into a phone as you eavesdropped on the other side of the door.

“They want us out of here by tonight.” Gojo relayed simply, tossing the phone to Geto who was deep in thought.

“Figures. We have been here a long time.”

“Guess so… ugh, we’ve no choice then. We’ll take care of [Reader] tonight.”

And that was all the go to you needed. You scrambled right out of there!

It’s not like you needed to eat, so you just skipped your usual lunch with the two of them.

You wanted to collect what few belongings you had but… you just couldn’t find them! Your blanket and pillow were both gone! You’ve had them since you appeared in this world.

They were nowhere to be seen! The sun was setting and the store closing… and you still couldn’t find your stuff. In the end, you had to leave it.

“[Reader]~! Where the hell’d you go…?” You could hear Gojo call for you.

Whatever, you thought, they’re planning on killing you so why should you care if they were upset about it or not, you should be upset not them!

Sneaking out to the parking lot, you sulked a bit. There were no cars in the parking lot except the one police car belonging to the duo inside tucked around the corner.

Maybe you could go pop their tires or tear up their seats! It’s not a bad idea.

Hurrying around the corner to get your measly revenge you spotted their spacious black car. It wasn’t one designed to take the arrested since they were in a curse unit so it was quite big. Kinda like a van.

Peering in the front seats it was clear who the designated driver was. The drivers seat was spotless but the passenger had some fast food wrappers at the feet of it.

The image of Gojo absolutely downing several cheese burgers in the passenger seat as Geto watches in annoyance painted a rather hilarious scenario.

Still, you’d come to tear up their car! Looking at it, it’s a fairly new and pristine black car. Though they’ll be needing a better car when you’re done!

Fazing your hand through the front door, you unlocked the door with ease and crawled in. With a sudden burst of energy, you wasted no time in dragging your mildly clawed nails across the front seat. It wasn’t as deep as you’d like, but it’d do.

As you lifted your head to see your work, you incidentally could see something in the back.

In the back of the car on the floor in a neat little pile was your blanket and pillow.

Confused, you allowed yourself to lean over the center console where the cupholders were.

Before you could even think about what it meant, a firm hand pushed your bottom, making you land face first into the back seat.

Suddenly, Gojo was straddling the center console that you were just on and holding you down on the back seat.

Geto stuck his head in through the drivers side door, seeing the damage, and sighed, “Seriously?”

Geto shut the front car door and opened the back where you and half of Gojo were, leaning and placing a knee on the leather seat to steady himself.

“What’s the matter? Running and ripping up seats, why are you so upset?” Geto spoke kindly, though you could tell he was still angry he tried his best to hide it so as to understand better.

“I heard you two talking, you were gonna go against your promise and kill me!” You growled, feeling betrayed and hurt that they’d feign ignorance.

Geto’s furrowed his eyes brows and looked up at Gojo with an angry and disappointed expression.

“Why are you looking at me like that, I’m not the one spying on people.” Gojo weakly defended himself, pressing himself against your back, trapping you underneath him entirely dramatically, pinning the blame on you.

Geto turned to you and crouched down to meet your squished face, “Don’t be ridiculous. We were never going to kill you.” He spoke in his motherly voice, soothing and honest, lifting a hand to run his large hand through your hair.

“Then… what were you going to do?” You asked, confused.

Geto simply smiled and you could feel Gojo’s firm chest rumble as he chuckled.

“This, sweetheart.” Gojo stated simply before using one of his hands to crane your neck upward before consuming your mouth in his.

It was an overbearing kiss. His body weight smooshing you and his hand gripping your chin and neck, keeping you in place.

You smell, feel, and hear him acutely.

The way his scent blanketed you and his warmth ate away at your form and the small little sadistic laughs he released when you whimpered. His fingers digging gently into your skin.

He’d not-so-carefully bite at your ghostly lips, pulling them away before returning once again to thrust his tongue down your throat or, conversely, pull your own tongue down his own throat.

So focused on consuming your lips that he’s left to pant above you, his cruel laugh turning into drunken whispers as his chest heaved against you.

“Perhaps our little curses’ cursed technique is seduction. I’ve never seen you so distracted before, Satoru.” Geto mused to himself.

Gojo unlatched himself from the sloppy kiss, panting, “Ha… I wouldn’t be surprised.” He agreed.

“I was joking Satoru.” Geto mumbled out.

“Doesn’t sound like a mere joke when you’re faced with these lips, Su-gu-ru~. Taste for yourself.”

Gojo raised his body just enough to push your upper half toward Geto and allow himself to squeeze behind you, opening the car door on the other side so he could still press against you.

Geto looked thoughtless for a moment and you almost believed he was going to deny you a kiss, but he leaned in any way.

It was a gentler start then with Gojo. Geto’s kiss was gentle and rather than pushing past your lips like Gojo had, he merely licked at them for a bit.

It was only when you shyly allowed your lips to part, curious about this new experience, did Geto lunge his tongue without warning.

Geto’s hand that held your in place were more gentle then Gojo’s. His large hands holding your cheeks tenderly.

Yet despite his gentle hand, his kiss only got harsher. As though he were trying to consume your soul from the outside, Geto stole your breath as he kissed with more determination than Gojo had.

Of course, Gojo was not still either.

As Geto kissed you with harsh love, Gojo was poking around your skirt and underwear. Your skirt was a bit shabby, old as it was, but that doesn’t really matter given that Gojo was going to pull it down regardless.

Slipping your skirt and, by extension, your underwear off you shivered as the cold air hit your now exposed pussy, a new sensation.

You wanted to ask what was happening, but honestly your stomach was fluttering with Geto and Gojo touching you like this. It made the presumed betrayal seem like a silly notion.

Gojo gripped your love hands and hips, his large hands able to wrap around both, before forcing you onto your knees.

You were about to ask why but between Geto refusing to free your mouth and Gojo’s fingers now rubbing experimental circles around your virgin clit.

Gojo’s fingers were testing their limits, feeling what ministrations made you twitch most, your hole clench in desperation. While at the start it was only half good, he quickly figure out your favorite patterns. Though, even if he hadn’t, the idea that it was his fingers touching you was enough to get you off.

You arched your back, asking for more nervously, before you felt Gojo groping your thighs, no longer touching your stimulated pussy.

But your pussy’s loneliness didn’t last long as soon after you felt Gojo’s hands’ gripping your thighs, firmly, sternly even, keeping you in place as you felt his breath on your pussy.

With an open panting mouth, like a starving man, Gojo used his tongue to swipe one very long, very slow, and very intrusive, slobbering lick across the entirety of your exposed genitalia.

Every time he drunkenly laughed at your twitching pussy with the flat of his tongue pressed firmly against your pussy you could feel the resulting hot breath reminding you just how close he was.

With just one drooling lick, Gojo had managed to use his tongue to invade every last cell of your cunt and effectively make you dumb in the head.

Your hips couldn’t help themselves, wanting to follow that long tantalizing and cruel stroke, but Gojo kept you firmly in place, his hands holding a bruising grip, refusing to give you even an extra inch of his tongue. You could only be mercilessly teased by him.

It was so mind numbing that you had to interrupt Geto’s kiss by allowing your tongue to loll out when you gasped in utter pleasure.

You babbled, wanting to ask what he was doing, wanting to know what this pleasure was, but Geto stared deep into your eyes, a gentle smile gracing your lips.

“Haha… hah,” Gojo pulled away from your dripping cunt, mindlessly laughing to himself like a madman out of breath, “Suguru~, don’t tell me- hah- you’re just gonna sit there and- ha- waste that hot mouth of hers.” He panted.

Geto hummed, “Oh I’ve no plan to waste any part of our little curse. I just want to make sure we’re running at the same pace.”

Geto seemed relatively calm, but you could hear Gojo hurriedly rush to his feet, the sound of a buckle moving, “Oh trust me, I’m all ready to go.”

Geto reached out his hand and grabbed your lolling tongue between thumb and the knuckle of his pointer finger, massaging it there, “I’d say she is too.”

You’d believed Geto to be the only calm one, but as he stood up you realized that what’s in his pants is anything but calm.

From both in front of you and behind you, you could hear the sounds of belts being removed and pants being pulled down. It was a good thing the sun was just about set because what was about to happen shouldn’t be seen by anyone’s eyes.

Geto’s cock, already hard, was already wet at the tip, pre cum pearling as a sign he’d been worked up for a while now. His patience was certainly not something to gawk at.

Geto once again raised his knee to lean into the car, right next to your head so your face was against his warm thigh and, obviously, his cock right near your mouth.

“It’s simple, you just open your mouth and suck, is that easy enough for you?” Geto cooed at you, kindness in his eyes as he pet your head.

You could only nod your head. Ah~ even in such a forceful situation, Geto was so very kind.

Geto allowed you to explore his cock first, to get a handle on it.

Only just as you were lapping up his precum eagerly did Gojo decide he’d waited long enough.

His impatience got the better of him for a moment, his cock slapping against your slick before sliding the tip into your sopping cunt.

Of course, a virgin as you were, you yelped a bit at the foreign burning.

The sound of your pain seemed to force Gojo back to his senses a bit, his motion coming to a halt.

“Oh! My bad sweetheart~, I was too excited, wasn’t I?” Gojo apologized, sincerely for once, gently rubbing your legs and back soothingly.

“It’ll be okay, just take deep breaths and take me in one~ inch at a time, yeah?” Gojo leaned down to whisper to you.

“If it gets to much, just let me know, I’ll give him a good punch for it.” Geto joked.

“Oh come on, I’m not that bad~.”

True to his word, Gojo took it very slow, and Geto didn’t ask you to keep pleasing him while you focused, instead praising you generously for your efforts.

“You’re such a good girl, taking it in so well. You’re so sweet.” Geto held your face against his thigh, stroking your head, occasionally gripping the hair gently.

“Hn- I’ll say. You’re more than sweet, you tasted divine.” Gojo, currently pressed down against you again, groaned in your ear, his hot breath and aroused voice reaching thickly against you, tracing a line steadily from your chin, down your neck, between your breasts, against your tender belly, and finally to your clit, offering a little stimulation.

Gojo’s cock, angled as he’d gone in, dragged steadily across your sensitive virgin walls.

Finally, as his final inch popped into you, did Gojo’s heavy cock kiss your cervix.

You, finally at ease, went back to pleasing Geto. In order to steady yourself, squished so fiercely, you held onto Gojo’s wrists as he held himself up, or barely up any way.

With Gojo now moving at a steady pace, his body sweaty above you, you couldn’t keep focusing on Geto and decided to instead take his cock into your mouth.

His taste was foreign but not at all unpleasant. And his precum was somewhat creamy and sweet!

Of course, the most distracting thing was Gojo’s merciless cock. There was now only a faint sensation of burning as your stomach and pussy exploded with pleasure like firework going off in your belly.

His pace was fast and sloppy but is strokes were lengthy. His fit body allowed him to pull out all the way to the very tip before delving straight back in, his thick head quickly meeting to gently smooch your cervix.

His length throbbed and every time his pelvis met yours there was a good chance you could feel his heart beat through his phallus. Though, you could hear his hammering heart anyhow as he pressed so firmly against you as though wished to become one with you. His wrists too, as you held them, had a quickened pace. You could feel his bulging veins against your palms.

From sadistic laughter, to drunken giggling, to now heavy pants as his face scrunched in focus. His eyes closed firmly and his mouth hanging open as he released deep quiet moans and stifled whispers of desperation into your ear.

Geto was no better. To please him, you completely negated your gag reflux against your bodies wishes and, in your need to please your sweet Geto, recklessly took several more inches of him down your throat than you probably should have.

His heart beat as could be felt. So thick in your throat that it felt as though he wished you could consume him, heartbeat and all.

Geto leaned against the cars door, his body occasionally quaking as he groaned deeply and released gasps intermittently. He had sweat glistening on his face, the hand he’d placed on your face was damp as well.

Eventually, Geto couldn’t help himself and subtly rocked himself into you, his hips stuttering and losing rhythm.

Gojo too was beginning to lose pace.

And you?

You were a mess.

You were coated in their essence, your own essence was coating Gojo’s cock. And your thighs. And probably Gojo’s thighs.

You moaned with abandon, your body thoroughly stuffed in both ends as the only people you’ve known in your life rocked their body inside you.

Their rhythm became a mess.

Geto was gripping the door of the car so hard you swear he was denting it, his cock throbbing in your throat, threatening to burst. His hand was so clearly fighting the urge to grasp at yours and Gojo’s hair as Gojo has hovered so close to you that Geto was now tasked with providing a loving hand to both you and Gojo.

As for Gojo himself, he’d begun cursing, entirely out of breath, and his pace was sloppy. With clear desperation he was humping you like an animal.

Make no mistake, he was pounding you.

You’d kind of thought Gojo was the more experienced with this kind of thing, but he was so clingy and desperate that you’ve no idea where he’d gotten his previous attitude from.

He whimpered and stifled mewls but you heard it all the same.

Geto did too, which is probably why he was now bringing his other hand to give both you and Gojo attention.

As the three of you, sweaty, drooling, and loudly moaning, reached your climax Geto had gripped both Gojo’s hair and your hair.

Gojo moaned, well moaned and yelped honestly, as his cock pumped thick hot strings of cum deep into your sensitive quivering hole, collapsing on top of you.

Geto too had came, straight down your happily swallowing throat.

Geto popped his now half soft cock out of your slimy and exhausted throat as the three of you panted.

You slowly gathered your thoughts. What just happened..?

“S…So… you were never gonna… gon’ get me..?” You asked confused.

Usually Gojo would’ve responded first but you were pretty sure he was half asleep. He moved his arms to around your neck and shoulders and cuddled you close. Fairly certain his bare ass is hanging out the car currently, but he doesn’t seem concerned.

Geto laughed with half a breath, “No, sweetheart. How could we ever? We were going to take you with us.” Geto assured you, fixing his pants.

Looking back, it made sense. Your stuff was in the car and everything. How embarrassing… and to think you messed up his car.

“‘M sorry! About the car… I mean…” you apologized, burying you face into your arms, embarrassed.

Geto smiled gently, closing the car door on his side and going around the car to fix Gojo, “It’s alright. I mean, I’m mad sure, but I get it. You were fearing for your life after all.” He responded, pulling up Gojo’s pants and lifting his feet into the car so he could close the door.

Geto entered the drivers seat door, taking a seat and pulling out the car keys.

“You don’t have to fear anything anymore. We’ll take care of you, we promise.” Geto tenderly spoke, before driving you to live with your new family as your eyes fell closed.

The two of them will care for you for as long as they live, and when they die, they’ll make sure you come with them. They just love you that much.

This ain’t proof reeaadd

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blitany · 2 years ago

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moments between Ellie and Joel that simultaneously broke me and healed me: ep. 8 edition

so much of Ellie is trying to be like Joel because he needs her (and she needs him but right now the closest she can get is imitating him) - from how she handles the rifle to how she talks to David and James. she’s always been brave and mouthy but she’s so clearly trying to imitate Joel now with the fake-deep voice and the insults/instructions (Buddy Boy? i’ll put one right between your eyes? the instinctive lie? it’s all so Joel)

all the times David refers to Joel as her father or her dad and she doesn’t correct him but that’s a lie she can’t bring herself to say on her own because that one’s too close to home, to close to what she wants to be true but is terrified to admit because she doesn’t think Joel sees her as his daughter

when Ellie lays beside Joel in the basement, partly trying to keep him warm, but partly for comfort, and Joel unconsciously turns his head towards her in his sleep, leaning into her like her presence is just as much medicine to him as the penicillin

Joel isn’t even healed yet but a switch flips in him because he knows Ellie needs him. the Joel we see next is darker, this Joel is the one Maria does’t trust and Tommy doesn’t understand, because he’s not about to lose a daughter again!!

“you don’t need a father” but she does, she does so badly and all she can think about is getting back to him

David’s whole speech about how she’s just like him so clearly unnerves Ellie because she’s not like David, if she’s like anyone she’s like Joel who she’s been trying so hard to be this episode. Joel is who she needs, Joel is who she takes after, and this man is nothing like Joel

the “violent heart” moment being such a parallel between Joel and David, highlighting how they’re nothing alike (Joel’s heart isn’t violent, it’s broken, but he doesn’t take and hurt for himself, he does whatever it takes to protect the people who need him) and by extension how David and Ellie are nothing alike and i could make a whole post about this moment alone and how utterly wrong David is here

how Joel grabs her backpack in the slaughterhouse because he knows she’s still out there and he’s not giving up hope on her just like he never gave up on Tommy - she’s family now, she’s his family now and he’s gonna get her back whatever it takes, and when he does she’s gonna need her backpack.

the way Joel goes to her when he spots her without thinking twice because it’s his girl and he’s just so relieved to see she’s alive... but the moment she starts screaming he knows something bad happened and his whole demeanor changes to focus on what Ellie needs in this moment

the absolute softness of how he says “Look,” says it’s me and I’m here and I got here as soon as I could and you’re safe, you’re safe with me

Ellie lets herself hug him for the first time ever and they just melt into each other as he holds her tight like they both need after the last three episodes

“I got you baby girl.” the first time he’s called her something soft, something affectionate, something he used to call Sarah. his girl, his baby girl, his daughter.

“I got you,” he repeats, “I got you.” as much to reassure her as to reassure himself. he closes his eyes and holds her tighter because yes, he got her. he got there in time. he’s got her and he’s not letting her go.

#the last of us #spoilers #tlou hbo #the last of us hbo #joel and ellie #they are simply everything to me #the father daughter found family relationship is the entire reason i watch this show #episode 8 #tlou episode 8

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vinvantae · 1 year ago

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Unmasked

14/16

<<< previous part

Word count: 3.9k

A/N: Big thanks to my girl @formulaforza for not only making one of the edits for me but for beta-reading and helping me make this chapter as good as it can be. Love u ❤️ x

*************************************************

It was uncomfortably warm when you arrived in Spain, humid and sweaty and sticky - you still hadn’t managed to pull what Max and the others had planned out of your boyfriend.

Charles had whined half the morning when you refused to hold his hand that day, clammy palms, you claimed, but in reality you were hoping to sneak into the Ferrari hospitality as discreetly as possible.

You trudged through the paddock with your head down, cap covering your face as you head towards your driver’s room. Sometime before dawn, the PR team had sent over the press conference schedule.The FIA had decided to torture you, putting you alongside the four men who hadn’t publicly defended you from the harassment. They didn’t even know that privately, three of them were fully on your team, so it definitely felt like the sport’s governing body had resorted to bullying.

“Cherie, you’ve barely spoken to me this morning,” his voice was soft, a hand on the small of your back as you stepped inside. “Talk to me.”

“Did you see who they’ve put in my press conference?” Your tone matched his, lifting your eyes from the floor. “I think the FIA are on the side of the dickheads, trying to get me to leave.”

He frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“Because. Why else would they put me in a room with four men that they think hate me?” A soft huff left your lips as you chucked your bag down on a seat as the two of you stepped into the privacy of your room - Charles shutting the door with a gentle click. “It’s just plain nasty. As far as they know the four of them think I don’t deserve my seat.”

“Well.” He placed a hand on your shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. “They’re going to kick themselves when they learn the truth.”

You frowned. “What truth? I don’t know what I’m walking into this morning…”

“Trust me. It’s going to be okay.”

You want to believe him, but it’s terrifying going into what would mostly likely be a room full of men who were expecting you to be absolutely tortured by your rivals. You knew the boys had good intentions but not knowing what those intentions were made your stomach flip. Instead of responding to Charles, you gave him a hasty peck on the lips before heading out to said media duties.

It was still fairly quiet around the paddock - not too many people flaunting their VIP passes this early in the weekend, so it was easy to slip through without too much hassle. You’re only stopped once by a group of girls who were all very kind and only asked for autographs. “I can’t believe they’ve put you in a press conference with those little bitches. How hard is it to put out a post saying they support you?”

Your cheeks flushed a soft pink. “It’s kind of hard to explain but Max, Pierre and Esteban do have my back they’re just… I don’t know, I know as little as you.”

“Well, best of luck, y/n. We’ve got your back if you need to teach them a thing or two.” One of them grinned.

Moments like this reminded you exactly of why you wanted to be a driver in the first place. You wanted to be the woman that others looked to for inspiration. You tried to remind yourself of this when a small gaggle of men leered at you as you continued making your way to the conference. They didn’t matter. They’d never matter. And if you were about to walk into a meeting with no back-up then you’d have to remember who exactly you were fighting for.

For the little girl who was watching her very first race, squished between Mum and Dad on the sofa and seeing someone like her amongst the 20 best drivers in the world.

For the teenager who hid under her sheets at 3am to watch races just to see her idol cross the line and wish that maybe it could be her one day.

And for all the women who never got the chance to race, believing they’d never be able to - finally seeing a woman achieve greatness in a sport that was supposed to be just for men.

You do it for them, for all of them.

You took a deep breath before stepping into the holding room. Immediately, four pairs of eyes were on you. You held your head high, not even sparing a glance towards the ones you considered friends. Just as Max was about to cross the room to speak with you, the door to the press conference swung open and the five of you were ushered into the room.

Max squeezed past you so you were sandwiched between him and Pierre on the sofa. You decided not to question it, just sitting down and taking a deep breath.

Let’s just get this over with.

“Let’s just start by saying Fernando, Esteban, Pierre, Y/N and Max - thank you all for joining us nice and early this morning.”

The five of you all gave various hellos to the room, you shifted uncomfortably in your seat as all of the eyes seemed to be on you. You knew exactly what kind of questions were coming - why else would they have put you in the room with these specific drivers if the debate of you being in the sport wasn’t about to be raised once more.

“We have seen a recent influx of negative responses about y/n being on the grid.” You sat up straighter - prepared to defend yourself. “Most of the grid has shown their support, but the four of you have remained quiet. Of course you don’t owe y/n defence but Max, Pierre and Esteban you’ve raced alongside her since you were children. So is there a reason you’ve chosen to remain quiet?”

“We have something to say actually.” Max cleared his throat. “I know we have disappointed people, especially our female fans, for not speaking out in support of y/n. But the three of us believe that putting a post on instagram is simply not enough. It wasn’t a big enough statement.”

Pierre watched your brow furrow as you listened to Max - he knew the words that were about to come out of the Dutchman’s mouth were going to shock you. He wanted to reach out and put a comforting hand on your shoulder but it would draw too much attention so he simply kept a watchful eye on you.

All eyes in the room followed a member of the Red Bull team as they crossed the room and handed Max a piece of paper. You didn’t get a good look at it before he started to read it.

“As a direct consequence of the FIA’s failure to take sufficient and decisive action in protection of driver 30, Y/n L/n, from the violence and harassment faced since the public reveal of driver 30’s identity, a coalition of drivers have signed a petition.” Your eyes burr into the side of his head, but he doesn’t dare look up from the page. “Led by drivers 1, 10, 16, and 30; Myself, Pierre Gasly, Charles Leclerc, and Esteban Ocon, a total of fourteen drivers have agreed to protest the Spanish Grand Prix, including all media duties, free practices, and competitive sessions, until appropriate measures have been taken to protect driver 30, and any other driver, from life-threatening behaviour. The drivers participating in this protest are as follows; drivers 1, 55, 44, 63, 16, 3, 4, 31, 10, 22, 5, 18, 24, and 77. This statement is being formally filed with the FIA immediately following the conclusion of this press conference. The official outline, along with the signatures of all 14 drivers will hopefully be made public by the FIA. If Y/n wishes to continue taking questions, she is free to. The rest of us retain the right to no comment if we so choose.”

The silence in the room was palpable - no one spoke a word as Max handed the piece of paper to you so you could read the names on the petition. You couldn’t even focus on the words, the room becoming a blur. Protest the race?

“The FIA only has so much power over what people post online, surely you cannot protest a race over that?”

“We are aware of this, but y/n was physically assaulted in the paddock. This should have never been a possibility.” Pierre spoke up next, you blinked hard a couple of times to bring yourself back into the room - your facade you’d put on had been blown, so confused by the fact the grid wanted to protect you so intensely. “The FIA have taken absolutely no action at all after the assault. Should’ve been the first thing they did.”

“Y/n, you look taken aback by this statement. Do you have anything to say?”

You lifted your eyes from the petition to see the entire room staring at you. “I uh… I don’t have words to describe how grateful I am. I tried to talk the guys out of doing anything drastic but the fact that so many of them are willing to stick their necks out to stand up for me like this? I… I’ll forever be in debt to them.”

“Don’t you think it’s a little unfair that they’ll all risk being fined while you have no consequences?”

Max could see your jaw visibly clench and he prepared himself for the worst. “Are you serious? How was I supposed to sign a petition that I didn’t even know existed? I never asked for any of this… if they protest the race, you bet I’ll be with them.”

“We actively chose to not tell y/n about this petition as we knew she would ask us not to do it.” Esteban leant forward as he spoke. “It would not have been fair of us to put this on her shoulders with all of the stuff she’s already dealing with.”

You gave him a gentle, sincere smile before finally taking a moment to read the names on the petition. Some of the names weren’t so shocking but others such as George and Yuki were pleasant surprises. There was only a small handful who hadn’t and you couldn’t help but smile, a stray tear escaping at the fact this grid of men - who had nothing to gain - were willing to face fines and penalties to ensure your safety.

“Well, we eagerly wait to see how the FIA responds, best of luck this weekend. To all of you.”

As soon as you stepped back into the holding room you threw your arms around Max and hugged him tight. “You’re absolutely insane.”

“It had to be drastic to get them to listen.” He chuckled, hugging you back.

“I hope you all know what you are risking.” Fernando finally spoke up after sitting in complete silence for the entire session. “All of this to stop some bullying? It is far too much.”

Esteban scoffed a little. “Do you really think the FIA aren’t going to take action when they see the current and former champions aren’t going to race? Even if they don’t believe in what we are protesting for, the amount of money they stand to lose from this is enough of a threat.”

The two teammates stared each other down, the tension palpable. You hoped Esteban was right, ideally you didn’t want any of the boys to get in trouble for you.

But now it was all in the FIA’s hands.

*******

(Credits to Mack for this ❤️ thank you again)

*******

[Simon Lazenby] -“Hello everyone, welcome to Spain just ahead of Free Practice One. I’m Simon Lazenby and today I’m joined by Martin Brundle, Naomi Schiff and Nico Rosberg. Bit of a strange one here today ladies and gentlemen, isn’t it? Well, I guess we better jump into the biggest news to break this weekend - most of the grid have signed a petition and will currently not be racing or performing media duties this weekend. What do we think?”

[Martin Brundle] - “I have to be honest Simon, I do think it’s all a bit of an overreaction from the drivers. We all get critiques through our career whether it be in person or online, so I think y/n should just get her head down and crack on. The fans came to see a race, it shouldn’t be put on hold just for her.”

[Nico Rosberg] - “I have to disagree with you there Martin. What y/n has been put through since her reveal is unprecedented. We as a sport should be celebrating the fact that a woman is one of the twenty best drivers in the world and I think the drivers standing up for her is wonderful to see.”

[Naomi Schiff] - “I agree with you Nico. None of you will ever really understand what it’s like to be a woman in motorsport - we are held to a much higher standard than any man would ever be.”

[MB] - “But don’t you just think, as a two time champ, that she should have a strong enough head to be able to see past the criticisms?”

[NS] - “It’s not just criticisms, Martin. It’s physical violence and hate speech. Any minority in this sport whether it be y/n, Lewis, Yuki or Guanyu will always have people critiquing things they cannot change about themselves. Sure, someone may have called you a bad driver back in your day, but no one has ever told you to get back in the kitchen or go back to where you came from.”

[SL]- “Branching off from that, as you said, other drivers have received hate speech in the past. How would you all say y/n’s situation is any different?”

[NR] - “Being Lewis’ teammate and even as kids, he went through things similar to what y/n is going through. I think the biggest difference is, we didn’t have someone like Lewis to really show us how wrong it was that he was being treated so differently. Y/n is luckily in an era where she is surrounded by drivers who can see just how important it is to her and female fans that they don’t let things like this get off lightly.”

[NS] - “I think it’s important that the FIA take more protective action for all of our drivers. It is just a shame it’s taken most of the grid threatening a protest for the conversation to even take place. Y/n is a two time WDC and it feels like that has all been forgotten just because she’s a woman - it’s about time that the governing body of the sport take things like this more seriously.”

[SL] - “Now onto the drivers who aren’t protesting the race. We have Fernando Alonso, both Williams drivers and both Haas drivers. Now we have spoken to both Williams and Haas respectively and they say it is a purely financial decision not to let their drivers protest but they stand in solidarity with y/n and the rest of the grid. But Fernando is a bit of a different story.”

[MB] - “Fernando’s very old school. Very level headed about dealing with your criticisms - I guess the same as me. So it’s no surprise that he is not partaking in the protest.”

[NS]- “It is a shame as he is one of the most prolific drivers on the grid but I think the message will stay clear with Lewis, Sebastian and Max all taking a stand this weekend.”

[SL]- “Thank you all. Coming up next, hopefully following some affirmative action from the FIA this morning, is Free Practice One. Stay tuned.”

****

You tapped your foot nervously against the floor as you waited to hear The FIA’s decision. They unsurprisingly had a very quick turnaround of how they were going to respond to the protest and now the fate of the grid was fully in their hands. They could choose to do nothing and everyone takes a fine or they could actually respond.

Charles sat beside you on the sofa, his hand coming to rest on your knee to stop your leg from bouncing. “It’s all going to be okay, y/n. They can’t not do something… there’s only 5 drivers currently racing, the fans would be outraged if that’s what they paid to see.”

“It’s just a lot. I'm just not sure what they can do,” you said, voice meek. You lifted your eyes to meet his gaze. “Like if people want to hurt me they will, y’know?”

He pressed a chaste kiss to your temple. “They have to do something, I’m sure it’s all going to turn out okay.”

Attention was swiftly stolen as the door slowly opened - a small man with a clipboard entered with an unreadable expression on his face. “Can you all please follow me?”

The sound of 15 pairs of footsteps scuffling out of the room echoed through your head, Charles’ warm hand on the small of your back - the heat of his touch seeps through your Ferrari polo. The 15 of you were sat around a boardroom table facing the president of the FIA and half a dozen other high ranking members. It felt much more like they were sentencing you than opening a conversation.

Your heartbeat was loud in your ears as you locked eyes with the man who was about to decide the fate of the grid.

“Thank you all for meeting with us on such short notice. We hope what we have come up with is a solution that is both suitable and protective for both us and all of you so we can get this resolved quickly and avoid any more of the race weekend being missed.”

It was like he rehearsed the informality of it all, trying like a gentle parent to get down to your level before scolding. You see right through it, through him, through this whole smoke and mirrors show.

Charles linked his hand with yours, the feeling of his fingers intertwined against your skin calms you, steadies your half-rapid breathing. You looked at him, studying his profile for just a brief moment before remembering where you were.

“Any assaults, physical or verbal, performed by any individual at a Grand Prix towards any driver or personnel will immediately be banned indefinitely from any sports and events governed by the FIA. As much as we would like to do more about online harassment, that is much out of our hands - we hope you understand. We will put out a statement saying that we do not tolerate hate speech of any kind.”

Your eyes flickered across the room to gauge the reaction of your rivals. They hadn’t told you what they wanted from the FIA but, to you, it seemed like more than enough. Not only did it protect you but it also covered everyone else. You weren’t leading the protest, though, so in the end it wasn’t up to you. “May we have the room?” Sebastian was the one to break the silence, as one of the leaders of the GPDA he wanted to give everyone the time to collect their thoughts and discuss, rather than having one of fifteen feel that they could speak on behalf of everyone.

The president nodded and the men escorted themselves out - everyone’s eyes fell on you. “Why are you all looking at me like that?”

“…what do you think?” Max asked.

“I didn’t start the petition,” you held your hands up defensively. “It’s not up to me.”

George frowned. “Surely you have an opinion though?”

“Of course I do,” a soft sigh left your lips. “But at the end of the day it’s you guys who are sticking your necks out. If you think this enough then say it is. If it’s not, say it’s not.”

Max gave you a gentle smile, placing a hand on your shoulder as he stood up. “As much as I’d like for them to take more preventative action rather than reactive - I think it’s the most realistic solution and I’m ready to end the protest.”

“Everyone agree? If so then I can get them to write up the decision and we can all get back to doing what we love best, right?” Sebastian hummed, trying to dissipate some of the tension in the room.

A chorus of agreement echoed through the room and you felt like you could finally relax. It had been the longest few hours of your life and as grateful as you were for all of these men to have your back - it would be nice to put it behind you and not have them get in any more trouble.

After the formalities were all done and dusted, a final consensus reached between the drivers and the FIA, it was over. You were finally able to watch them all get back in the cars and do what they all do best.

The next few days felt like a blur, between being ushered from interview to interview about the protest and putting your best foot forward during your time in the car - you barely had a moment to breathe. But after Ferrari achieved a 1-2 start during qualifying, it really felt like the weekend had started over fresh.

“You ready?” Charles approached you on the starting grid, his helmet dangling from his fingers.

You gave him an excited smile. “Yeah, I’m so glad everyone gets to race. I was worried there for a second.”

The softening of his gaze made your heart skip a beat. With his free hand he reached up and cupped your jaw in his hand - brushing a thumb across your skin. “You’re worth it…”

As he lent in, you felt your breath catch in your throat but just before his lips met yours he ducked to the side to whisper in his ear. “But I will beat you in this race, Cherie.”

“I’d like to see you try.” You teased, placing a hand in the centre of his chest to push him back. “I’m on pole for a reason, no?”

“Touché. Bonne chance.”

This time he did kiss you, only for a moment - but long enough to ignite the adrenaline inside you before stepping away to get ready for the race. You shook off the nerves before hopping into the cockpit, anxious to get going.

A small part of you felt a little guilty that you’d qualified ahead of these men who’d helped you but the championship came first. You had to start pumping out results if you wanted to win and knowing now that the FIA was doing their part to protect you - you could focus on what’s important.

And as the green lights began to flash you took one more deep breath before focusing on the clear road ahead.

Somewhere, a little girl’s eyes are glued to her television screen, to your helmet and the infamous red car. For her, for all of the versions of her, it was time to win this race.

******

Next part >>>

Sorry for the delay on this one! Writers block hit me hard 😭 hope you enjoyed! One more thank u to @formulaforza for helping me, couldn’t have done it without you ❤️

Want to be notified when I post? Join our discord, head over to #reaction-roles and click the sunflower 🌻

#f1 fic #f1 x reader #f1 x you #f1 #charles leclerc #formula one #x reader #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc x reader

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jackiesnats · 4 months ago

Text

Punished

pairing: lottie matthews x masc reader

warnings: dom lottie, spanking, fingering, past relationship (the crash era), mentions kidnapping, terms like good boy are used, lottie holds a bit of a grudge on reader.

kinktober 23/24’: spanking

word count: 1.3k

summary: you disobeyed a rule and lottie needs to make sure you know you need to follow her rules.

edited by my lovely girlfriend @specialinterestshows 🥰🩵

“What the fuck, Lottie,” you snapped, causing everyone to stop what they’re doing to look at you.

“It’s okay everyone, really,” Lottie said, looking around the room at everybody. “Give us a moment, yeah?”

You watched everyone leave the room with no hesitation before turning back to Lottie when it was just the two of you. You were annoyed - angry even - with the fact that Lottie had people essentially kidnap you just to bring you to this place. You wanted to go back home and distract yourself with your work.

“What did I tell you when you first got here, (Your Name)?” Lottie asked, way too calm for your liking.

You crossed your arms and glared at her, “You kidnapped me.”

Lottie rolled her eyes, “I didn’t kidnap anyone, let alone you. But, what did I tell you when you first got here?”

You looked down at the ground, feeling your face heat up. “If I came in here with an attitude I’d get my one and only warning.”

“That’s right and unfortunately, this is your second time doing this, so now,” Lottie paused. “I’m going to have to punish you.”

“Punish me?” you questioned.

“Yes, you heard me correctly,” Lottie confirmed.

You gave her an odd look. “Do you… do you do this with everyone here?”

Lottie chuckled, shaking her head. “No, just the one I have… history with…”

You took a deep breath, unsure of how to even respond to her. You hadn’t seen her since you all were rescued after spending nineteen months in the wilderness - it had been years. You tried your best to be there for her when she was sent to Switzerland, but it was too hard on you. You thought you would never see her again and when people came rushing into your house in the middle of the night, you were terrified. The last thing you thought was that it was because of Lottie.

“How are you… going to do that?” you asked.

“Meet me at my quarters tonight when everyone’s gone to bed. Then you’ll see,” was all Lottie said before she walked past you.

You stood there awkwardly, unsure of what to say or do. Finally, you left the building, heading to your own room. Was she just fucking with you to get back at you for leaving her when her parents had her committed? You loved her so much, but the stress of being stuck in the wilderness for those many months caught up with you and you needed help. You shook the thought out of your head - you knew Lottie wasn’t like that, even if you hadn’t seen her in forever. When you were in your room, you laid down, closing your eyes. All you could think about was Lottie and how you wished you could take things back.

When everyone fell asleep, you headed over to where Lottie slept. Unsure of what she was planning on doing, but you hated not knowing anything.

You took a deep breath, knocking on the door. You played with your nails as you waited for her to open it. When she did, you walked up to her and she moved to the side so you could come in.

“Take your clothes off,” Lottie instructed, shutting and locking her door.

“Wow,” you laughed. “You don’t waste any time huh?”

Lottie crossed her arms. “No I don’t. So do what I said or it’ll be much worse for you.”

You put your hands up defensively, pulling your shirt off before throwing it onto the ground. Lottie tsked, “Pick it up and fold it neatly, and you can set it on the table over there.”

You rolled your eyes but did as you were told. You took your clothes off, one by one so you could fold them neatly just for Lottie. You thought it was ridiculous for her to make you do this, not sure how this had anything to do with her “punishing” you.

Lottie sat at the edge of the bed, patting her lap with a smirk. “Lay across my lap,” she instructed, causing you to laugh.

You moved closer to her and when you were at an arm's length, you said, “You can’t be serious.”

Lottie grabbed your arm, pulling you down so you were laying down on her lap. “Lot, what the actual fuck?” you snapped, trying to get up and off her, but Lottie’s grip on you was stronger than you had expected.

“You will be able to get up when you’ve been punished. Now quit fucking moving and take it like the good boy I know you can be for me,” Lottie sighed, holding you in place.

You continued to wiggle for a few seconds, but you gave up, realizing she wasn’t playing around. “Okay, let’s get it over with then,” you sighed in defeat.

Lottie chuckled softly, “Good boy, now you’re learning.”

You kept your mouth shut, realizing Lottie had remembered the terms you had preferred when you two were dating as teens. You felt your face heat up, keeping your eyes glued to the floor as Lottie began to rub and squeeze your asscheek with the hand that wasn’t holding you in place.

“I think,” Lottie pondered, not continuing what she began to say for a few minutes. You hated the silence between the two of you, especially in this situation. “Twenty spanks with my hand is an appropriate amount for your attitude today. Don’t you agree, (Your Name)?”

“Lo-“ you began, but she brought her hand down hard against your ass, cutting you off.

“You need to count,” was all Lottie said, ignoring what you were beginning to say.

“…One,” you whimper.

“Good boy, you always did catch on fast,” Lottie commented, bringing her hand down three times. You cried out, making sure to count each time she spanked you.

Lottie continued to spank you and you tried your best to keep up with your counting. When you counted to the fifteenth one, Lottie brought her hand down to your pussy.

“You’re doing such a good job. You’ve got five more,” Lottie commented, rubbing your clit.

“Are you ready to apologize to me?” she asked.

When she asked this, she slipped two fingers into you.

”Oh-“ you moaned, grabbing at her bed sheets. “I- I’m sorry, Lottie.”

Lottie pulled her fingers out of you, spanking you two more times with all of her strength. You screamed out the numbers, still continuing to listen to her even though it hurt so much you couldn’t think at all.

“What are you sorry for?” she questioned, rubbing your sore ass as she waited for you to answer.

“I- for giving you attitude twice since I’ve been here,” you whispered. Lottie spanked you two times again, laughing at how you cried out.

“Hm,” Lottie sighed. “You’ve got one more, okay, baby? And then you’ll be done. You can take it, I know you can.”

Lottie brought her hand down as hard as she was able to. You cried, hanging your head down, but before you could even say anything, Lottie slipped two of her fingers into you, biting her lip at how wet you were.

“Please Lottie,” you begged. “I won’t give you an attitude ever again. I’ll be good!”

“Yeah? You want me forget about the final part of your punishment to fuck your pussy?” she questioned.

You nodded, “Please, Lot, I need you.”

Lottie didn’t say anything, pushing in a third finger before curling them. As you got closer to your orgasm, you finally relaxed in her lap.

“I’m close, please… please don’t stop, I need you,” you begged, your orgasm hitting you before she could respond.

Lottie pulled her fingers out as you began to come, your orgasm leaving as you began to cry. She brought her hand down on your ass as hard as she could.

“Twenty,” you sniffled, taking a deep breath before she helped you to your feet.

“Now you know how it feels when someone you need leaves you hanging,” Lottie glared.

That’s when you realized she was holding a grudge.

#lottie matthews x reader #lottie matthews #x reader #yellowjackets #yellowjackets x reader #my writing #mine

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toonice113 · 11 days ago

Text

Slut! ⋆ ★ N.Hischier (pt.1)

1. ┊ ˚➶ ｡˚ ☁ Peace

intro. begin again

Pairings: Nico Hischier x Popstar OC (Teddy Wells)

Genre: fluff, angst

Trope: popstar gf x athlete bf

Summary: After three months of dating Nico’s family is in town and he decides to introduce his new girlfriend to them, after a good weekend with the Hischiers Teddy questions if she is enough for Nico.

Warnings: not edited, nothing more i think?

Word count: 3.4k

⋆˚࿔ tina's note 𝜗𝜚˚⋆ Honestly it took me so long to write this and I kinda hate it lol but oh well. I really love making characters rant because I feel like I can just write without worrying too much about what I’m writing while also showing so much of what the character is thinking/ feeling and who they are so Teddy rants twice in this. Also Nico fighting last night was so hot omg I don’t know why he’s been so feisty lately but I won’t complain loool

Three months of quiet down time with your boyfriend can sometimes feel better than therapy, but don’t tell my therapist that, Nico and I just passed our three month anniversary and our time together has been nothing with bliss, we’d both decided to keep everything as private as possible since it was all so new and the media was still talking about my past breakup which meant a lot of nights in at either of our apartments, mostly Nico’s since it was easier for him especially when he had games or practice. Being as private as we were trying to be meant that I hadn’t been to one of his games yet, or met any of his friends who he had said had an inkling that their captain was seeing someone but Nico hadn’t really given them much information.

“It’s just not fair” I was on a call with Georgia, my manager when I opened the door for Nico who was carrying dinner for us to share before he left on a roadie for a couple of days “Can you just… I don’t know, just… It’s okay I gotta go I’ll talk to you later” I hung up with a sigh

“Bad news?” Nico asks pulling me in a hug and kissing my forehead as I melt into his arms

“Just another article and Magui posting a TikTok sending shade or something like that” I tell him, somehow even though I was the one who got cheated on I was the one who kept getting lots of hate since the breakup because apparently I’d broken Lando’s heart so bad that he was underperforming and it didn’t help that Magui kept making shady posts.

“Are you speaking out about it?” I had been talking to Georgia about the possibilities of doing a tell all where I told my truth but I wasn’t fully ready to speak out, I shake my head no and he squeezes me a little harder “I got us subs from that bistro you like”

“Thank god, I’m starving” I say letting go and walking to the table where he dropped the bags off.

“So…” He speaks as we are eating after catching up on what we did that day “My family is coming over on Friday, they are here until Monday”

I nod planning in my head what I can do to pass off time this weekend “Okay, let me know when you are free I’ll probably write or go into the studio those days”

He stops eating and looks at me “Um I actually was wondering if you would be open to meeting them” my eyes widen, not expecting him to want me to meet his family “I mean only if you are comfortable with it”

“Uh, I wouldn't want to intrude. I know you don’t get to see them a lot during the season so…” That and also I’m terrified of meeting his family

“You wouldn’t be intruding I… uh I kinda maybe told my mom about you” I choke on the water I was sipping on “And she told dad and then Nina told Luca too and they are all really excited to meet you”

“I… um… I mean I would love to meet them but uh only if you’re sure” I stutter a little unsure of my answer but when I see his smile widen and his dimples deepen I feel a bit better about the prospect of meeting his family

“I’m sure bärli” He says

Nico leaves for his roadie the next day after telling me that we can have lunch with his family at his apartment on Saturday, it’s friday night and I’m pacing in my apartment with a glass of wine in hand “Like what if they see me and think I’m not pretty enough for him? And then I speak and they hate my voice? And what if they don’t like what I bring? God is that even enough? Do you think I should’ve bought more? Oh what if they are allergic and then they think I’m trying to kill them?” Alyssa bursts out laughing at that, she’s been sipping on her wine while lying on my couch watching me panic “Hello? I’m having a crisis over here and you are laughing?” I scoff

“Well yeah cause you are being stupid” She says and I glare at her taking a sip of my wine “First of all, Nina is one of my best friends so trust me when I say they are like super nice people but if that’s not enough for you to trust me then look at Nico, he’s one of the nicest guys ever and that has to come from somewhere”

“Yeah well Cisca and Adam were great people and look at their son” I say and she raises her eyebrows “What? I’m just saying some people are not exactly a reflection of their parents, also you were Nina’s friend not their youngest son’s girlfriend”

“True but I’ve known the Hischiers for over fifteen years and not once have I not enjoyed my time with them, well maybe once but it was when Nina, Carla and I were trying to sneak back into the house while being totally drunk and your dumbass boyfriend told on us, Katja was scary as she scolded us” I look at her with a ‘not helping’ look “She wasn’t even mad about us going out to a party, she was mad at us sneaking out because we could’ve ended hurt”

“Did you ever see them with Nico’s other girlfriends?” I ask finally sitting down although I’m on the edge of the sofa ready to spring up and start pacing at any moment

“One, Nico doesn’t date unless he’s serious I told you this” she did, a while back after our third date when I panicked as I got back home because a third date was something serious and I was scared of getting my already broken heart shattered even more “Before you there was only one girl he cared enough for to bring her around family and even then they had known each other since they were kids so their families already knew each other”

I groan “Great so their expectations are high” Alyssa looks at me like she wants to smack me in the face “Fuck” I curse pulling my phone out “Do you know if they are allergic to any flowers?”

Alyssa who is already looking at me like I’m a crazy person shakes her head “You do not need flowers, you’re already bringing two dozens of cookies, a dozen muffins, a bottle of wine, fruit, and” the sound of a timer interrupts her making me jump up from my seat “The pie, hey are you sure you need to take the pie? I don’t know if you can carry all that so maybe you should leave it behind and just so it doesn’t go bad I can take it home with me”

“I made you one but if you keep judging me for being scared of meeting my boyfriend’s family then maybe I’ll give it to Mrs.Gibbons instead” I tell her from the kitchen and feel her walk in behind me and pull me into a hug once both pies are out of the oven

“No need” She grins and I roll my eyes “And you have nothing to worry about they are all going to love you, Nina has been texting me gushing about you since after your guys’ first date” hearing that his sister’s opinion on me is at least a good one I feel my nerves dissipate a little “So what are you wearing?” and just like that they are back.

Nico offered to come into the city to pick me up but I denied saying it was silly for him to drive from his apartment and pick me up so we could go back to his apartment, so I took an uber there, and now I’m standing on the elevator with a racing heart knowing I would be picking at my nails if I wasn't carrying a tote bag full of baked goods, cut up fruit and wine on one hand and two bouquets of pink peonies on the other one, I take a look at my outfit in the mirrored walls of the elevator and wonder if I should’ve worn the jeans instead of the skirt I picked out and maybe the black jacket instead of the brown coat. I don’t have much more time to dwell on my outfit choice because the metal box opens up on Nico’s floor soon after, taking deep breaths I knock on his door and hear a few voices from inside before the door opens showing me my boyfriend sporting his usual dimples and wide smile “Ah bärli you’ve made it” he pulls me in with a hug almost squishing the flowers and I say a hi although it probably came out as a whisper “Come on everyone’s in the kitchen let me help you with this” he takes the bag in one hand and then my now free hand squeezing it lightly in reassurance walking us to where I can hear his family laughing “Guys this is Teddy”

“Oh it’s so nice to meet you” His mom quickly walks towards me and pulls me into a hug, I hug her back as best as I can without squishing the flowers I’m still holding in my hand

“It’s nice to meet you too, I got these for you” I hand her a bouquet and she takes it with a smile cooing at the flowers and thanking me “And these are for you” I hand the other to Nico’s sister as she approaches me next to say hi

“Peonies! I love these thank you” She also gives me a hug “It’s nice to meet you, both Nico and Alyssa talk about you a lot” she laughs when Nico jokingly shoves her

“Yes, Alyssa talks great things about you” Nico’s dad comes over to introduce himself and I shake his hand with a smile, nerves slowly going away as his family welcomes me in warmly

I greet his brother with a hug as well before Katja, who insisted I called her by her name after I offered to help her with lunch, gets back to stirring the food and we start talking, they ask a little about me and conversation flows easily, while we eat Katja tells stories about Nico when he was young and Rino adds some input while Nina and Luca share the embarrassing part of the stories, instead of complaining Nico laughs at them and adds to it. When dinner is over I volunteer to do the dishes and with a bit of a fight I end up with Nina and Luca in the kitchen as Nico and his parents unpack the sweet treats I brought over in the living room, I interrogate Nina about Alyssa and we both tease Luca when she tells me about the crush he had on our friend when they were younger. By the end of the night I don’t want to leave but it’s getting late and I have a meeting in the morning so after a few rounds of Mario Kart where Luca and I team up against Nina and Nico, and absolutely demolish them, I say goodbye to the family promising to see them again soon. “Well I think that went okay” I tell Nico as we stand outside of his apartment

He chuckles and pulls me into a hug “That went amazing actually just as I expected, they love you” I smile against his chest and then reach to pull him into a kiss “I’m not forgetting that green shell by the way” he says as we separate and I laugh.

The meeting that morning lefts me deflated, it was about what I want to do about all the rumours and the whole two hours were filled with the reading of different articles, some that I had never even seen before, one in particular gets stuck in my head and no matter what I do throughout the next few hours the title of it is stuck in my brain ‘Teddy Wells’ the nightmare in-law’. There’s a few reasons why the article bothers me so much, first because of the in-law part, because of all those late night conversations with Lando about a wedding and our future as well as all the jokes his family would make about me becoming part of the family officially, making me feel welcome but now this article bringing doubt about whether it was a laughing with her or laughing at her situation, then there was the nightmare part because I had never been anything but nice to his family, I had been there for multiple of Flo’s competitions, and I had been there for Oliver’s wedding, birthday parties, holidays with the family and never once had I felt like my presence was not wanted. “You need to stop this” Alyssa speaks out pulling me out of my thoughts “All this overthinking from an article written by people who don’t know you”

“They had an inside source” I say as I scan over the text on my screen again “What if the inside source is oh I don't know, someone in the family?”

“Who cares? You are not with him anymore and you don’t have to see his family anymore so even if they did hate you, which I’m sure they didn’t by the way, then it doesn’t matter anymore” Alyssa says but it doesn’t stop me from reading the article once more before googling about it and seeing a few more recent articles being written about it as well as some old ones

“Look, this has been going on for a while! Oh my god was I really that blind? Look at this picture she looks so uncomfortable” I turn my laptop to show her a picture of me and Lando’s sister in law with their second baby when she was first born

“She looks like a mom who just had a baby and needs rest” Alyssa replies “Why are you obsessing over this?”

“‘m not” I mumble as I keep reading some of the older articles

“You are, and you don’t usually care that much about what people write about you, especially older articles so why are you paying so much attention to this right now?” Alyssa frowns sitting next to me in the couch pulling my laptop from my lap and closing it before I can protest

“Because” I sigh “Because what if Nico’s family sees that and then they realize I’m not actually a good person? And what if Nico reads it and realizes he deserves someone better? I mean they were so great and from the stories they told me and how you speak about them I just I don’t know if I can ever be enough and Nico is like the best guy ever he’s so nice and just overall great unlike any guy I’ve ever dated before and he’s just so positive and empathetic and generous and affectionate and attentive person last week he was away on a roadie and while we were on a call I mentioned wanting some froyo but not wanting to go out and get it and he ordered it for me then I also mentioned something about my charger only working when I placed it a certain way and he came by the next day with a new charger and one of those things you put on the edges of it so it doesn’t break” by now i’m crying while I rant to Alyssa “And I just don’t know If I will ever be as good as him and he deserves everything but what if I can’t give him that? This is proof that I can’t give him that actually” I motion to the mess I am right now “I can barely make sense and I’m so angry and sad and this is just not okay”

“Okay I agree that Nico is a great guy but he is not a saint and he is not perfect, he has bad days too, we all do” She pulls me into a hug “And I know no matter how much I reassure you it won’t mean the same if it’s not coming from him, I really think you should tell him how you’re feeling about all of this”

“We haven’t even been together for that long, I don’t want him to think I’m crazy” I say sniffling

“Yeah but if you don’t talk to him about it you will drive yourself crazy”

It’s a few weeks later and Nico and I are in my bed, laying in a comfortable silence, he’s drawing shapes on my bare back as I lay on his chest, my brain racking with the hundreds of articles that have been coming out saying horrible things about me in the past few weeks that haunt me every time I have the time to think about it but then Alyssa’s words pop into my head and I with a sigh I push myself up propping my chin on my hands that are still on his chest to face Nico who looks down at me with those twinkling brown eyes and deep dimples “Hi” he says smiling as if we haven’t been together for hours at this point

“Hi” I say anyways smiling at him “I- um I have been meaning to talk to you about this for a bit but I didn’t know how”

“Oh god, is it my hands? I swear I wash them, it's just the gloves you know?” He blurts out quickly easing my nerves a little as I laugh at him

“It’s not your hands, you know I like your hands” he says a quick thank god that makes me chuckle again as I sit up more reaching for his shirt that’s laying next to him putting it on “It’s about the articles” he nods prompting me to continue “A couple of weeks ago there were a few articles about my ex’s family not liking me or something like that and it kinda made me go down a rabbit hole of other articles that were um… not so nice” I chuckle nervously playing with my fingers “And it got me thinking that um… I really really like you like a lot but I don’t know if I can ever give you what you deserve, those articles will coming out and sometimes I can’t help but think that they have some truth to them, sometimes I feel like I’m not actually a good person and you live such a hectic life already that when you come home I can imagine all you want is some peace, some down quiet time like this but my life is pretty hectic as well and right now I have a lot of down time because there’s not much going on but i will have to get out and live in the real world once more at some point soon and… uh well I guess what I’m getting at is that I don’t know if I can ever give you the peace you deserve”

I finish my rant still looking at my hands, not being able to look at him, not ready to see his face as he realizes I’m not really what he wants but freeze when I feel one of his hands on mine while the other pulls my head up to look at him “Bärli” I’m fighting the tears that are threatening to spill “All I want is you, all of you, I want the quiet nights, the loud karaoke sessions, the crying over movies that aren’t even that sad, the videos of you celebrating my goals that hopefully will turn into you actually celebrating at the arena someday, the waking up in the middle of the night scared that there are creepy ghosts to find you playing a melody on the piano because you got a random idea in a dream, I want all of that and more because I love you and as long as you are there I am in peace, you are my peace”

“I was trying really hard not to cry” I wipe my tears off my face “I love you too” we kiss and I feel like maybe just maybe everything will be okay “I’m sorry for making you think there’s ghosts I promise to try to stop playing the piano at 3am”

“Any other time is acceptable but 3am is the hour of the ghosts” he says and I laugh climbing on top of him kissing him again.

#nj devils fic #nhl fic #nico hischier #nico hischier fanfic #nico hischier x oc #nico hischier fluff #nico hischier fic #njd fic #njd fanfic

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