#I’m sorry ok when the brain worms speak to me I have to give them voice

[macadam]

Fully of the belief that Miko is only seen as an annoying character because of the dynamic between her and Jack.

Miko in isolation isn’t an annoying character. She’s reckless, and unwise, and has to be bailed out of trouble every five seconds, but this isn’t really an issue for any of the bots because as far as they’re concerned, this is Normal Human Behaviour™. They are constantly having to work with and around humans or bail them out of trouble.

Bulkhead adores Miko. He is exasperated by her like a parent is of their toddler, sure, but I wouldn’t say he is annoyed by her in any way. Her interaction with wheeljack is another example. When she exists with the bots by herself, she doesn’t come across as burdensome. She’s just limited, as every human is, by the curse of being small.

It’s only through her interactions with Jack, and his continuous challenging and calling out on her behaviour, that Miko becomes an annoying character. Frankly, it’s the tension between them which annoys the audience. We can only watch the same cyclical bickering between children before it gets old.

I have noticed that there actually are a lot of people who do like Miko, and find Jack super annoying instead. It seems like people pick one or the other depending on how you interpret which one is causing the tension. When I watched tfp as a kid, I loved Miko and hated Jack. Like, hated hated him. Because I saw Miko as a fun punk rock kid and Jack as the one needlessly calling her out. Upon rewatching tfp as an adult (who works with kids a lot) I related far more to Jack, and so the situation flipped; I saw Miko’s actions as more frustrating to watch.

The writers did eventually try to fix this, with the one heart-to-heart scene between Miko and Jack. But it was kind of rushed, and didn’t leave any lasting change to their dynamic. They went right back to arguing.

Tldr: Miko and Jack are annoying together. Fans usually pick one of em as the cause to be annoyed at but honestly, they are both fine on their own. Children bickering is annoying even in a fictional cartoon lmao

[pomegranates-and-blood]

if you are still accepting questions for the directors cut game, I would love to ask a little about chapter 41 of nostalgia! i ADORE that chapter bc of how much of it ties back to ivars very first pov. feeling lonely and incomplete was something he like actually kidnapped someone to avoid confronting at the start of the story, so having him pour it all out to the priestess (with no guarantee of her staying!!) right before she tells him she’s staying is such a beautiful, full-circle moment.

what do you think it was that got ivar in such an honest/sentimental mood that morning? do you think that outpouring was what really spurred her to tell him specifically that morning? and thank you so much for doing these and giving such deep answers!! they’ve been such a joy to read today!

Hello lovely! Of course I am taking these! Fyi, if you ever have any questions like these, don’t hesitate to ask, this game is so fun! Consider it a permanent game in this blog lol

And ooh, good question! Chapter 41 is one of my favorites too, for the same reason as you! Thrá continues to be one of my favorites Ivar PoVs I’ve written, and both this chapter and Hjarta deal with that so I love them as well.

So, as always, the answer is under the cut :)

Come ask me some insight about my works!

Okay, so a thing that I regret not going a little bit more into (but that I will in Dagblik, the next Ivar’s PoV) is how much it affected him to know the Greeks are alive. Past that initial argument about it, and what followed immediately after, Ivar was still feeling like the wind was knocked out of him well into Chapter 41. Like I annoyingly repeat within this story and its PoVs, Ivar needs certainties, he’d rather hold on to a painful certainty (that she will leave him) instead of having nothing to hold on to; and knowing the Greeks are alive (and that she could leave with them at anytime, since Stithulf didn’t actually kill them, the pull of revenge is less because the majority of her people are still alive, and so the deal isn’t actually a deal anymore, but a death sentence for Ivar) just takes everything away from him.

Ivar did something that felt cowardly, that went against his own desires and the promises he made, to keep his wife with him one more winter by letting Stithulf go. He basically prayed for one more winter in Atfǫr, promising that after having that winter with her he would be capable of facing spring, to face her leaving him (lies, but ok). But when he comes home she tells him the Greeks are alive and have already met with her (Ivar knowing about her leaving Kattegat to meet with them that day is another can of worms that I won’t get into now, but it fucks with his head, a lot), so no matter what he does, no matter how much he fights and whatever plan he comes up with, he loses her. He loses her not when he’s ready to, or when he can prepare himself to lose her, no, he loses her whenever she chooses to leave him, whenever the Greeks demand her back.

This is all to go here: Ivar was the one mourning in Chapter 40. The Reader has a flashback on how Sieghild tells her that a Viking tradition when someone dies is to drink (a lot, to the point of death in some recorded cases, in this manic search for numbness from the pain); yet the Reader mentions how it doesn’t feel like mourning what she is doing, she doesn’t feel an ounce of grief for the woman she leaves behind by accepting she wants to stay. Still, the flashback is there, and I kinda just left it out for interpretation why it was there in the first place. But it was there because Ivar was the one mourning a loss, because to him he had already lost (whatever he does, if she chooses to leave he loses her, either because she up and leaves for Greece, because keeping her in chains brings out a side of her that he made her queen of fucking Kattegat to avoid facing, or because he kills her or she kills herself before being a Varangian’s prisoner). So, his noggin is not in the best place during those two weeks, and it kinda ends up in this drunk Ivar that lets himself forget. He admits it a few times, I think most of all in Ch38, how he can forget that he is going to lose her, and that in those moments he is happy. That night is one of those nights, for most of the night he is touchy, he is a happier side of his drunk self (we have seen how he can be sulky when drunk both in canon and in Ch21 lol), except for that little moment where the facade kinda slips when he tells her about letting Stithulf go.

That night in Chapter 40, directly before the chapter you asked about (I’m so sorry it’s taking me this long to get to the point lol), he recalls their interaction in Kenna where she gets drunk and (with that chapter happening way before they admit their feelings in Ch31) makes Ivar’s brain shortcircuit by whispering that she is happy with him and almost kissing him but not quite. She admitted that night to being happy in Kattegat, being happy with him, and that night in Chapter 40 he goes back to it, asking for reassurance that she is still happy there with him, and initially intending to tell her that she makes him happy too but then she adds an ‘I love you, Ivar’ for good measure and turns his brain into mush, so the conversation goes elsewhere.

This all carries into Chapter 41, where from his perspective, still riding that (inevitably painful at the end) high of letting himself forget, he wakes up to those soft touches he speaks of craving both in this chapter and in Thrá, he lingers in this little world in between worlds of the morning with her where there’s nothing past the two of them, no choices, no Greeks, no nothing. And he intends to tell her that she makes him happy, because this idiot has always and will always share everything.

To sum him up, a meme (I found a screenshot of a tumblr post on pinterest, I have no source for this but it aint mine):

me: i’m a very private person

someone: hi

me: so i’ll start by describing some of my lighter traumas before i get into the real bad stuff

You cannot tell me that is not Ivar, especially when it comes to someone he is into, both in canon and in every story I write.

So, like she says, he gives away secrets and parts of himself like someone trying to hold on to a handful of sand, like he can’t stop it. And he can’t, really. And so he wants to tell her she makes him happy, because she does and he intended to tell her the night before, but then, because a) it’s Ivar, and b) this morning is a morning when he lets himself forget (like I said, Ivar was gutpunched by the revelation of the Greeks being alive, and he was different during those two weeks between her telling him and Galla coming to Kattegat to force her to make a choice, she even admits to missing him at times, because he no longer accepts her affection so easily, or is so freely around her, because in his head there’s too often the ‘this will end, you will lose this, she will be gone, and either enjoy this/her now or prepare yourself to lose this/her by stepping back’; but in that morning he is softer, he lets himself forget and just shares in Ivar fashion what she means to him.

I do not think it was what made her want to tell him, even without that converstion she would have told him that morning/day, since before she even wakes him up he even wakes up she is basking in this giddiness of being allowed to keep this; but both his words from the previous night (him reminding her of what she told him once, of how if you name things you make them real, when he not-so-subtly asks her to tell him more often that she loves him) and this moment of vulnerability, this moment when she truly has Ivar, moreso than she has had him in those last few weeks, makes her have the courage to claim this thing she hasn’t yet named (except towards Freydis in Ch39) and making it real by telling him of her choice.

So yeah, I hope this answer was to your liking! If there’s anything that you want me to explain further, or I didn’t get the question right, or anything, don’t hesitate to shoot another ask! I love answering these, I am still amazed people care enough about this mess of a story to have such questions!

Thank you so so much for asking, and for your kind words! Sending you my love, sweetheart!

[diary-of-deadweight]

Friendship anniversary.

Pairing: Tenya Iida x reader

Summary: what started out as a idea pitched at 3am turned tradition, Iida is planning something big with the help of Deku and Uraraka.

Iida paced within the comfort of his own room, arms behind his back as he racked his brain of what to get you for friendship anniversary, which was slowly creeping nearer the longer he spent a majority of the free time pacing with no dice. It was a beyond infuriating task as your someone who values the thought put into a gift rather then the price tag; hell he could give you a notebook and you would love it as if you were gifted a car instead. Iida wanted to give you something you’d love even if the price is above the budget you agreed on way back then.

So he visited the local jewellery store at the weekend and saw something he’d think you would absolutely love as it reminded him of your beauty and how much it has blossomed over your years of friendship, not just physically but personality wise too, he bought it and kept it in his desk since then but for Iida one gift wasn’t enough as you always managed to get him two gifts he absolutely loved which is why he was currently pacing in his room.

He was trying to come up with another gift he’d knew you would like.

sad thing was that he didn’t know what to get you as he already bought you the latest movies and the latest manga of your favourite anime; one punchman which was a true tale about a bald hero and his immense strength, speed and agility along side his dream of meeting a strong enough opponent who can toss him around a bit before knocking them around abut himself with a single punch, for your birthday and previous friendship anniversaries that he was left to his own devices this time round.

A knock upon the door pulled him from out of his brainstorming session, striding over to the door to see who was in need of his assistance during this dire time. “Hey Iida.” The class rep was greeted by his dear friends, Izuku and Uraraka, “do you wanna head to the mall with us?” The Brunette asked. “I’m sorry but I’m currrntly facing a task that requires my full attention right now, so I’m gonna have to decline your offer.” Iida informed them before closing the door on them, ready to get back to his scheduled brainstorming only to find his friends sat upon his bed made him do a double take between the door and them in befuddlement that went unnoticed by the two. “What’s troubling you Iida, we are your friends and friends help each other,” Ochaco nodded her head vigorously at Midoriya’s statement, “so we shall tackle this issue together.”

Iida sighed, shaking his head in disbelief at his friends persistence of wanting to aid him and decided that three heads were ultimately better then one and he was in desperate need of an idea so what could go wrong? “It’s mine and (y/n)’s frienship anniversary coming up and I’m struggling to think of another gift to give them.” He day himself on the other side of Midoriya, leaning his back against the cold wall. “So what is the first gift you got them?” Ochaco tilted her head to the side, her bob haircut followed suit with her moment.

“An Swarovski crystal necklace.”

Izuku and Ochaco gasped in surprise, sharing a look before looking back at Iida, “Doesn’t (y/n) hate expensive gifts because a Swarovski Crystal isn’t cheap.”

“I know, I thought that if I tell them that it reminded me of how beautiful and unique our friendship is that they wanted to preserve it forever.” Iida explained, blushing slightly when Uraraka cooed at how cute it all was that the bluenette must’ve thought she misinterpreted it as something albeit romantic but waved it off as accidental. “Why don’t you show them how much they mean to you.” Izuku suggested with a shrug, Iida thought about it and sure enough took interest in the idea, “what do you mean by that Midoriya?”

“I mean that you should create a slide by slide presentation on all the great moments you’ve had together.” The curly emerald haired male expanded upon his idea, “add some videos if you have any.” Ochaco added for the hell of it, already excited to see the finished product that they both free balled ideas that Iida either shot down due to being unrealistic to pull off or liked as it was something that could be easily accomplished.

This went on well into the afternoon and they decided that the plan was ready to go and went down to celebrate with Katsuki’s cooking as they dragged their limbs that felt like they were 100 pounds heavier with each step they took.

Timeskip

When the day finally arrived Iida was practically sweating bullets and his nervousness kicked into overdrive as he couldn’t seem to hold the USB without his hand violently shaking that he decided to place it within the safety in his pocket along side the necklace so he didn’t loose and or drop it anytime soon. He looked up at the clock upon the wall, sapphire gaze setting upon the illumonesent scarlet numbers which flashed repeatedly:

‘8:30am’

It wouldn’t be long until you would wake up and head down to the common room for breakfast and your morning cup of tea/coffee, you were a grumpy little shit without it as many of the class found out first hand. So the tall male setted off out the door and down to the common room like a bolt of lightning and began setting up everything whilst leaving his friends Uraraka and Midoriya to inform the rest of his classmates why most of the common room will be sectioned off into a blanket fort, they insisted in helping him set up to which he declined but appreciated their offer as this day was primarily for you and him specifically after a 3am conversation.

So he was thankful that no one was down in the common room as a majority of them were heavy sleepers and wouldn’t get up until like 10 am whilst people like Katsuki and Kirishima were early worms and would get up the millisecond the sun rose and do some morning training which gave Iida the chance to litter the floor with wisteria petals, whip out a old theatre screen from the closets (I don’t know the fucking name to them ok.) a little projector that he could connect to the computer and did a little test run beofre giving the room a satifying nod just as a ‘ping’ noise came from his phone.

It was a text from Midoriya.

‘Hey Iida are you ready cuz (y/n) is heading towards the staircase right now, Uraraka tried to stall them a little to give you extra time but it failed badly.’

Iida smiled at how kind his friends are to stall time for him, he responded back with.

‘Thank you Midoriya I’m already set up with relatively ease but I appreciate the help.’

After he pocketed his phone a voice from the stair case he knew almost instantly.

“Oh my god...Iida,” he turns around to you with a softened look, “is this all for our special day?” He wordlessly nods, “it’s beautiful.” He watched your wide eyed expression as they wander around the decorated section as if you were walking through the snow covered streets of Musutafu as you came from a *cough* fictional *cough* country where snow is rare; unable to speak which gave Iida mixed emotions as half of him believed it was out of disgust while the other half believed that it was out of shock and amazement at his efforts of making today the best friend’s anniversary in recent memory, something he hope you both remember years from now.

He wandered over to you, resting a hand upon your shoulder that made you jump slightly, you turned to him with an almost unreadable expression, making IIda’s worry increased by a fraction.

“(Y/n), do you like it?”

“Like it? Like it? Iida I love it!” You exploded with joy as you hugged the male as tightly that he swore he couldn’t feel his lower half beofre finally deciding that it was time to show you the gifts so he tapped you on the shoulder to signify for you to release him, which you did as you watched him as he made his way over to the computer, pressing play as a video began playing from the projector that began with some emotional music whilst pictures of you and Iida flashed before your eyes while every once in a while bold lettering would spread saying the sweetest shit like:

‘Under a cherry blossom tree three years ago stood a person I had no idea would later become my best friend. Someone I couldn’t possibly live without or be away from for an extensive period of time without worrying about their well being but I know that they know I only mean well when I do so.

‘But as of this year, 2020, I had troubles trying to think of what to get them as I would spoil them rotten under the radar which’ll most definitely earn me a scolding later today. If it wasn’t for Izuku and Uraraka for giving me this idea during my time of stress, I don’t know what I would’ve done.’

Before another barrage of photos and videos of you both either inside or outside the academy, being either falsely stern at each other and laughing about it seconds after or just pulling funny faces at the camera.

‘So I decided to take their idea and make a presentation on how much (y/n) (l/n)’s frienship means to me so I’m going to summarise it on a sentence before the next section of pictures cuts in.’

You chuckled at this.

‘(Y/n)’s friendship means everything to me and I would never trade it for anything.’

So as the last load of pictures and or videos came to an end one last paragraph showed itself over an uncomfortably zoomed in picture of your face such drew a hysterical laugh from your lips, a sweet release from all the crying you’ve been doing through out it all as nostalgia swept you off your feet and carried you down memeory lane of each individual picture and or video. You truly didn’t know where you’d be without having this sapphire eyed male beside you...you truly didn’t.

‘(Y/n). Your friendship was and always will be the greatest thing I’ve ever experienced and I hope that even well into adulthood we still uphold this tradition for as long as we can, I never wish to loose the unique relationship we’ve built overtime due to the lack of communication, it’s something I’d be stupid to give up, so I hope you enjoy the next gift that, honestly costed a pretty penny but was most defiantly worth it as it symbols out frienship and how it’s so unique it had to be crystallised. Happy friend anniversary (y/n), here’s to many more’

- Tenya Iida.

Tenya then knelt next to you as he hands you a small box, gesturing you to open it with a nod of his head as he wiped away the tears that had gathered within his eyes over the presentation and the waves of nostalgia that wished over him and how even through the worst of days you both stuck together like gorilla glue.

You opened the beautifully presented box to see this:

“A Swarovski Crystal?!” You exclaimed as you dangled the necklace in front of your blurry eyes as you admired hoe it glistened under the light, “Tenya Iida, you beautiful bastard help me get this on please.” You sniffled as you unclasped the necklace, handing it to Iida who sat himself behind you, shifting hair out of the way as he clasped the necklace as you felt the center price rest upon the middle of your chest as you gazed down at it in awe, wiping away the tears that cascaded down your cheeks like a waterfall as you were riddlers with emotions that you just thought ‘fuck it’ and tackled Tenya into a hug as you cried into him; saying how you didn’t deserve such a friend as loyal as him and thanked him for being born, how blessed you were to have him in your life which made Iida collapse into a heap of tears himself, while unknownst to you, the rest of your class stood on the stair way, smiling at your sweet moment before evacuating the area to give you both some privacy.

Later down the line you and Iida may or may not have gotten married later on in life and would be spending your third anniversary underneath a familiar cherry blossom tree, the same exact one where you first met all those years back.

[writingsoftheunderworld]

Ok I’m so happy someone taking requests. It’s take place season two where Bonnie and Damon hate each other but there daughter comes from the future to help them fight Klaus but no one knows she’s there daughter. Thank you 😊

Hey! So glad too! I’m always up for some Bamon so it’s come at just the right time. Ok, so I’ve definitely done as requested, but I’m really enjoying this and would love to maybe turn it multi-chaptered so if there’s demand I might add onto this story, it was soo much fun. 

Anyways, @barkingbullfrog here you go! Hope you enjoy. Sadly the Bamon is not too romanc-y what with the setting though I went with later season two so they are at least reluctantly working together.

Damon propped his feet up on the arm of the loveseat he found himself laying down on, an air of nonchalance mere facade to the turmoil he was feeling inside. Elena and Stefan sat opposite him, poetic really, he thought, talking about what there was to do now that uncle John decided to fuck up again. He couldn’t understand how some people could be this stupid. Why would anyone trust Isobel was beyond him, the bitch had tricked him into turning her, had tricked Elena just a few months ago, had fucked up Alaric good and proper and had been working with Katherine. He listened to Stefan try to propose they use their house as a safe-house and Elena shoot it down immediately. Figures. Was there no one around who used their brain? 

There’s Bonnie, his mind helpfully supplied as he heard Elena wrack up another complaint. He answered this one, thoughts of the little witch in his head. He didn’t like having to revisit one of his greatest failures. Because he knows allowing Emily Bennett to burn could only be catalogued as nothing other than failure. And now Bonnie wanted to absorb all that power. Hence, she was definitely the intelligent one here. More power was exactly what they needed, not drama with bio-mom from hell. 

“To the Lockwood luncheon.” he heard Elena finish her sentence, followed closely by his brother’s knight in armour agreement.

“Not me, I’ve witch stuff to attend to with Bonnie” he quipped, watching Elena’s warm gaze shifting to him again. He also paid enough attention to Katherine lurking about just then. He knew she’d been listening to the whole conversation, she wasn’t subtle about it, which only served to annoy and baffle him. Why wasn’t Mistress of Bitchdom pretending to hide anymore? Oh well, question for another day perhaps, bigger fish to fry.

“Does that mean you’re taking her to the -” he shushed Elena before she could give them away, a stray thought of Bonnie would’ve known not to say anything worming its way into his mind, and he almost scoffed at himself. Since when was the witch at the front of his thoughts? But before he could dwell on that particular annoyance, Katherine saunters her way over and he hears footsteps outside in the walkway. He’s about to answer the she-demon when the front door’s lock turns and the door swings open suddenly. He’s up on his feet and with his hand around the uninvited visitor’s neck before Stefan even has the chance to get up and plant himself in front of Elena. Katherine of course does nothing, simply turns to stare at him and the young woman he’s holding against the wall, a mild shock flitting over her features almost too quick to see. He doesn’t get more than a few seconds before he finds himself doubled over in sudden pain, clutching his head as stars burst behind his eyelids. He almost thinks he’s misstepped and Bonnie herself was standing there, the wave of magic bringing him to his knees and the smell of blood so very similar to hers. Bennett blood for sure.

“Ack!” He cries out and waits for the ringing in his ears to subside, then he casts a customary glance around at his brother and his ex, surprised to see Katherine herself on her knees, still in apparently a lot of pain. Whoever the Bennett witch that just stepped inside their house like she owned it was, she didn’t stop until Katherine was unconscious on the ground.

“Sorry for the aggression, but I don’t respond to threats well and I really don’t like her.” a soft, but confident voice has Damon turning back to inspect the newcomer. She’s petite, in all senses of the word with her barely up to his shoulders height and lithe physique, but her own shoulders are squared and there’s an air of knowing all around her. He almost sees the Bennett witch they’re all too familiar with in her stead again. It’s disconcerting to say the least, especially with the very bright, and very blue, eyes staring at him with a small smirk. She’s cocky too, he realizes, and she’s certainly powerful enough to back it up if Katherine’s unconscious form on the ground like a sack of potatoes is anything to go by.

“And who exactly are you?” he readies himself for another aneurysm as he speaks, but to his surprise, her whole demeanor shifts suddenly upon looking back at him, if he didn’t know better he’d say she’s just… seen her favourite person. But it snaps back in place so quick he blinks to make sure he didn’t imagine it all.

“I’m Sheila-Rose Bennett.” She begins and he nods slowly, he’d already figured she’d be a Bennett, but how was it possible he didn’t know of her he couldn’t explain, it was strange. He might’ve not known how Lucy looked like when she showed up at the Masquerade a few weeks back, but he had remembered her father and her being born. He happened to have been near the hospital at the time, like he tried to be whenever a new Bennett was born. Hell, he still remembered Rudy, Bonnie’s dad, pacing in the small hospital hallway with Sheila there telling him to sit down and not wear the floor out when Abby was giving birth. He made good on his promises he thought, unlike Emily. “I’m here to help you with Klaus.” she continued.

He straightened out, pushing to his feet as soon as the words were out of her mouth. “And what exactly do you know of Klaus?” And how don’t I know you? His mind screamed at him. 

“I’ve had some … experience dealing with him” there was a smile on her lips, wry, as though laughing at an inside joke that only she was in on. The witch was odd.

“Ok, Sheila-Rose-” he began, but was cut off just as fast.

“It’s just Rose, only mom calls me Sheila-Rose, and that’s usually when I’m in trouble.” another one of those wry smiles. It was slowly making him lose his mind. There was something so very familiar to her that was frustrating him beyond reason.

“Sure, whatever. What can you tell us about Klaus?” He noted that Elena was shifting her weight from on foot to the other, impatient, when he remembered she needed to go. “Brother, why don’t you and Elena get to that luncheon, I’ve got Baby Blues here covered. Plus our very own Wicked Witch of the East is bound to show up in, oh, five minutes or so? I’ve got this.” Stefan and he shared a quick look and then baby brother was walking past him and the new Bennett, briefly breaking their staring contest, to pick up his coat and then he and Elena were out the door and driving away. Damon turned and poured himself some bourbon, taking a sip and letting it sooth the nagging pounding that always remained behind after that particular witch’s spell. The witch came fully inside the house now, bypassing Katherine’s body and laying herself in the same loveseat he’d previously occupied, swinging her legs up and over the arm of it, and lacing her fingers around her knees to keep herself upright, looking at him expectedly.

“Should I wait for … whoever you said was joining? Or should I just spill the beans right now?” she certainly had attitude, he thought, matching his tone to a T and he wasn’t sure whether he was impressed or annoyed by it.

“How do I not know you?” he couldn’t let that question go, and he also didn’t want Bonnie to know just how much he cared about her bloodline. She might actually burn him again if she did, he had a feeling. 

“You don’t know every one of us, we scattered too much to keep track, so let’s not poke through generations. I’m here for something else, not the past.” she smiled again, that same damn smile that was slowly making his skin itch. There was something there, she knew something she was hiding, something that was about him or regarded him at least. It was driving him insane, and still she wasn’t saying anything.

“Fine, keep your secrets. How old are you anyways, Witch-y?”

“I just turned 19. Why does it matter?” defensive. Fun! He can poke at that. 

“Kinda on the young side to be dealing with Big Bad Klaus, aren’t you?” he began and saw her wince. Double fun, he could really dig here. “How come mommy and daddy let you come here? Or do they not know?” he saw her shift in her seat and knew he’d hit the nail on the head. “Oh, so they don’t know then?”

“Not any of your business old man. I’m here and I’ve got info you guys will want, trust me on that.” 

“Old man? One, don’t nickname, two, so you’ve said but I’m not convinced. See, if you’re 19 then how come you know anything about Klaus?” 

“I know about him from my parents, they’ve fought him before. But haven’t been able to stop him. But they didn’t have the knowledge they do now, I have that and then some and I have you trying to fight him. I can help, that I promise.” She certainly was convincing, but Damon hadn’t survived so long and gone through the shit he had to just believe any nutso that strolled into his house. Just as he was about to answer her, Bonnie burst through the front door, Jeremy a few steps behind her, a flurry of righteous annoyance around her. He barely listened to her begin to berate him being late when he saw her gaze turning to their guest. 

Speaking of, the littlest witch suddenly swung her feet back to the floor, sitting up properly and a grin growing on her lips as she stood up, hand outstretched and introduced herself as though to her celebrity crush. God, why was everyone coo-coo in this town?

“Sheila-Rose Bennett! Very nice to meet you, know a lot about you, Bonnie.” She rushed through suddenly. To say that Bonnie was overwhelmed was an understatement. So he did the nice thing for once and patted the place next to him on the couch for Bonnie to take a seat. She did so in shock and even took a sip of his bourbon when he extended it to her, only to chock and sputter once the taste hit her. Small mercies seemed to exist after all, he figured when she didn’t do so much as glare at him, though with how she kept staring at the other Bennett he figured it had less to do with him and more to do with her.

“Now now, Rosie-Posie, let’s not overload Bon-bon here.” He was smirking as he spoke, looking from Bonnie to the newcomer when confusion hit him again at the genuine shock and delight on her face seemingly at his words. He was dying to know what could he have possibly said to warrant that look, but before he could, the woman began speaking in earnest. She hadn’t been lying, he realised quickly. She definitely had information they needed and power they could use, if Katherine’s still unconscious form on the ground was anything to go by.

Quick note, my head-canons about this are that:

- Sheila-Rose went behind her parents backs cuz she just wanted to help since she’s heard all about how Klaus hurt them, though she and Hope happen to get along pretty well and even Klaus and Bonnie and Damon are alright now. 

- Her dad calls her Rosie Posie. 

- While I see her as a daddy’s girl, she adores her mom with everything in her, like aspired to be her 

- The wry smile is her thinking about the future and amusing herself with the references. like the “dealt with klaus” thing or the “not here for the past” being very ironic to say the least.

[zuffer-weird-girl]

I know y'all shy but I will request it with no shame. kai suffering from de-aging quirk and return to 10 years old kai. Kaito make fun of him till the end of the world & hari be like oh shit here we go again meme. Kaito & kai would fight 24/7 as if they were siblings. Usually it is kaito who starts fighting and kai is the calm one (since ever) but he will learn that daddy is still scary even when was a kid. Some1 just mistake hari as kai's s/o husband when they were out with the 2 kids. 🤣

*slams both of my hands on the table while getting up from my chair* I LOVED THIS AND YOU CAN DEFINITELY TELL

You heard a bursting laughter of your four years old son along with some mumbling coming from another room as you cleaned the kitchen right after making dinner.

You looked confusedly at the open door to the halls of the house, were Kai and Kaito back already? But you didn't heard his voice... weird.

You dried your hands and shortly after, made your way to where the laughter of your son was coming, and knocked slightly on the door frame to the living room.

"Kuruno?" You asked surprised, not failing to see the man jumping before looking at you. "What are you doing in here? Kaito why are you laugh so much?"

Kurono oppened his mouth to speak but quickly shut it, trying to find the right words, while Kaito miserably was trying to point with his little finger at the front of him.

"Well... There was a accident." Finally spoked Chrono which made you instantly worry.

"What do you mean by a accident? Where's Kai?" Kaito burst into laughter once again as you heard a different sigh manifesting in the room.

"Kaito you must be stupid. I thought my genes would be more efficient." A child's voice manifested and you tried to see behind Chrono which stopped you by putting himself on your front.

"Kurono. Out of my way." You angrily comanded.

"Look. Before you get mad or anything, Kai and the kid were walking on a park and suddenly a kid from Kaito's school; its school? I dunno; came to pick a fight with the him but Chisaki entered in his front to prevent something..."

"And apparently that rascal was a early developer with their quirk." Mumbled a child version of Kai as he looked everywhere but in your direction.

You had to bite on your tongue to prevent any a sign of a giggle escaoe your mouth to your husband's sake.

Your son didn't seemed to had the same compation though...

"An 'aging quirk'? Seriously?" You asked out loud as you kneeled on the ground and tried to get Kai's attention, but he only scoffed and put his hands on his pockets looking at his side to the ground.

"The brat's parents apologized and sayed that the efect doesn't last too long." Chrono comented.

"Does it even matter? I'm going to kill them for not even having the decenty of watching their own trash walking around using their dicease on others to show of." Cruely commented Kai as he rubbed his leg. Probably because its where the child used their quirk.

"Mommy did you notice that daddy is even shorter than me!" Kaito pointed giggling at his father who only frowned in irritation.

"Well, at least I have a brain, stature doesn't mean that you're the best in here." Kaito stopped giggling and glared at Chisaki who only shrugged.

"Oh god." Both you and Chrono took a step back as the two began to argue.

It was like watching a child discussing with a mirror, the only difference was that, how much more Kairo losed his pacience he started to lift his tone of voice while Kai still remained his cold tone but could see the irritation growing in his eyes.

"How long do you think that this will last?" You asked Hari while he stared in amusement at the two dark brown haired boys arguing.

"Hopefully, not too long... I guess." Said the man before stepping in on the fight before any of the them started to throw hands.

Despite Chisaki hating, despising his current situation he at least was going to use for good. Kaito was always taking attention from his wife? Now this was his turn, damn rascal.

Kaito was going to ask you for an opinion from his drawing until a loud 'DAMMIT' echoed in the room. Immediately catching your attentio.

You went to see your child version of a husband in front of a dead bee on the ground as his forearm was starting to get red.

"Kai what happened?" You asked leaning down to his level.

"A bee." He lifted his forearm in his and your front as you standed besides him "I guess it will swell up a little." He monologues say like he wasn't even stung by a bee.

"Do you want me to pick some ice?" He nodded as he lifted his arms staring blankly at you. It took you longer than expected to catch what he wanted, but when you did, you stiffled a giggle and picked him up.

When you passed with him through Kaito, Chisaki smirked at his son, nuzzling in a part of your neck exactly how he did it once.

Kaito gasped in offense before throwing his pencils on the table before grabbing the hem of yiur shirt calling for you.

"Mommy can you pick me up too? Please?" He asked with pleading (E/C) eyes.

"Sorry baby, but I am looking for some ice now. I will pick you up soon ok? Just be a little pacient for mommy." Kai looked his son cross his arms and support hinself on a part of the wall pouting.

"You're alright Kaito?" Asked Chisaki as he slipped out of your arms and thanked you for the icepack "Cat got your tongue by any chance?" Kaito poked his tongue out as soon as Chisaki walked last him.

"Guess not, huh." Spoke Overhaul, definitely not amused.

Your day was pretty much like that, your son and husband arguing with eachother just like they were brothers or something... Kaito even dared to throw a bucket of dirt on Kai's head when he passed by one door... poor kid had to run at least faster than Iida to escape his father rage.

Thankfully Chrono offered for taking you guys to walk to calm down the nerves, which you immediately accepted, since these two were driving you crazy.

Poor you.

On the middle of the walk a elderly couple stopped you and your little group to comment something that left Chisaki fumming with rage...

"Aw dear your kids are so adorable! They are so similiar!" A woman spoked to you while the man patted Chrono on the back slightly.

"Didn't took much of you but you're definitely a proud dad right young boy?"

You and Chrono frooze looking at each other before nervously trying to explain that it was nothing like that.

It was a bit difficult since there was a tiny ball of wrath right in front of you... Chisaki wouldn't mind killing someone in this form and you both knew it.

"No no actually-" the eldery woman took a camera out of her purse interrupting you.

"Mind if I take a picture? I guess both your mom and dad will like that, right boys?" She asked innocently looking down.

"Chrono. Hand me my gun." Growled darkly Chisaki as even Kaito yelped a little at seing the fir eon his father's eyes, even if it was in a child form.

"Love, calm down please." You pleaded as you made signals for the elders to go away if they still wanted to live.

"Calm down? Angel. I will only calm down when I see every one in here, except you, beg for mercy on. Their. Knees." Growled in anger Chisaki.

A huge puff of white smoke envelope suddenly you all and when you squinted your eyes to see a little bit better you say the actual form of your lover.

"Kai." You sighed in relief as you hugged him tight. Thanking the gods that he had calmed down a bit and returned your hug.

"You're okay Chisaki?" Chrono asked.

"I was contamined by a one of these dicease for at least more than five hours today Chrono, do you think I'm okay?" Groaned Chisaki which Chrono only responded lifting his hands in surrender.

"How the hell did those worms for brains told that you were together with Chrono? And had TWO childs with him?" He asked more ro himself, evidently still not calm about it.

"Love they were a older couple, give them a break..." you pleaded.

Chisaki hummed, before sending a glare towards Kaito.

"You brat. Will face the consequences of your actions today you heard me. Especially about that bucket full of dirt on my head." Chisaki groaned.

Kaito was with a serious face and apparently not caring too much but you notice the small 'gulp' he did.

Poor baby...

[shebeastly98]

A Festival to Remember

SUMMARY: Chris Evans loves film festivals, this one doesn’t go quite as planned. He runs into someone he just cannot forget, as the night goes on he realized he doesn’t want to.

WARNINGS: maybe some grammatical errors, idk kissing, this is my first fan fiction so pardon me if it’s a little rough.

PAIRINGS: Chris Evans x reader

[H/C]= Hair color

{E/C]= Eye color

I kinda got carried away so the word count is: 5667

If this takes off I will probably write a part II but we’ll take this one day at a time.

*****************************************************************************************************

The Sundance Film Festival has always been one of his favorite. The Utah scenery was always so beautiful; snow covered mountains, beautiful historic buildings, trees sprinkled all over, and amazing sunsets. It was unlike every other film festivals he goes to every year, this one was always his favorite for many reasons. It was never crowded like the other festivals, so he had the chance to walk main street in Park City; which he always loved.

This year there were a lot of interesting films to be shown during the festival. He was staring in one or two so he did have quite a few interviews he was going to have to attend but he was ready to get to the after parties and relax. The interviews always made him a little anxious, he knew they were always picking apart every sentence he uttered trying to find deeper meaning where there wasn’t any. His manager and publicist knew that he was always a little anxious so they tried to spread the interviews out throughout the entirety of his stay. He was just waking up and starting his day, his schedule was decently packed today; gym, get ready, interview, interview, movie, interview, interview, and finally he would get to relax.

****************************************

He breathed a sigh of relief, he had just finished his final interview and was putting his jacket on. The winters in Utah were always extremely cold especially during the time of this festival, late January into early February was damn near the coldest time of the year.

He finally exited the building, he was at the bottom of main street so he turned east to starting walking up main street. He had spoken with his Avengers costars and there was a plan to meet up at one of restaurants along main street, he knew he would be a bit early but decided to head there to get a table. He would be meeting with Sebastian, Anthony, RDJ, and both Chris’, they were all extremely excited to finally get to meet up with each other again.

Chris was checking his phone to make sure the plans were still on when he bumped into someone knocking both their phones to the ground. His face turned immediately red, he bent down picking up both phones. As he stood they both immediately started apologizing;

“oh my god, I am so sorry! I was checking my phone and wasn’t paying attention. I am so sorry about your phone also, it doesn’t look like the screen broke; though there are some scuffs on the case”

“no it’s not your fault at all! I should’ve been paying more attention to where I was going. I am so sorry, if your screen broke please let me at least pay to fix it!”

While they were both apologizing at the same time, while finishing their sentences at the same time they finally caught eye contact with each other. They locked eyes and neither said anything for a few seconds; they just stood there staring at each other, neither blinking. He was looking at her thinking that she was one of the most beautiful things he’s ever seen, she was absolutely breathe taking. As he did a quick scan of her face he saw her long [h/c] that was in loose curls, it seemed to lay just right under her beanie, her eyes were a striking [e/c], her skin tone only seemed to make her eyes pop, she had a few sprinkles, her lips looked luscious, she had her scarf tied perfectly so it covered her chest and was tucked into her jacket. He felt a tug in his chest; he had to know her name, he had to hear her laugh, he had to know how his name sounded falling from her lips. As he scanned her face he could tell that she was scanning his doing a quick once over, she was the first to break. She blinked but it still took her a second to realize who he actually was. Once it finally clicked in her head she was still star struck, it took her another second to realize that her mouth opened to speak but no words came out; she just stood there, mouth open, looking like an idiot. He was the first to break the silence.

“I think my screen is ok but I appreciate your offer. Maybe instead of a phone screen you can let me buy you a drink of some coffee?”

She still just stood there blinking, not only could she not believe that she had bumped into Chris Evans she also couldn’t believe that he had asked her out. Her brain started working 1,000 miles a minute; she wanted to speak to tell him that she would love to go out with him but her mind just couldn’t tell her mouth to speak and tell him you would love to go out. To finally break the silence Chris spoke again.

“Or not if you’re not into that sort of thing, or if you’re not into me. It’s really no big deal but I just feel bad for bumping into you and making you drop your phone which scuffed up your phone case. I just wanted to repay you in some way but I also just wanted to get to know you…”

She thought his nervous rambling was probably the cutest thing she’d ever heard. She was absolutely stunned that she made Chris Evans nervous. Her, an ordinary nobody, was making Chris Evans nervous. Her brain finally actually started working and she was able to make her mind use words to form sentences.

“I would absolutely love to go get a drink or coffee with you. Also don’t worry about my phone case, it’s there to get scuffed up anyway. Are you busy right now? Or does later work for you? I’m up here for the next few days but even after that I only about 45 minutes away so I am available whenever. Oh god that made me sound so desperate and pathetic”

She exhaled harshly and gave a soft laugh, shaking her head and running her hand through her hair which gave him the impression that she was as nervous as he was. Her showing that she was nervous made him feel a little better, it calmed his stomach only a little because then it mind reminded him that if she is nervous it must mean she likes him and that would open a whole new can of worms for him.

“Well unfortunately I have a dinner planned with some friends, while normally I would blow them off to take someone like you to dinner, that I can’t miss. If you give me your number we can meet up after words and maybe get a drink or something?”

A bright blush spread across her face, she could only tell because of the heat she felt on her face. She reached for her phone their hands barely brushing, she slipped it into her pocket before speaking up.

“That works for me, if you unlocked your phone I can give you my number.”

Her eyes lit up and her lips open and curl to the edges, her smile quickly grows into one that shows her teeth. Chris smiles back and she can see a small glint in his eyes when he smiles. ‘God he is beautiful’ is all that crosses her mind. Chris stutters for a second reaching for his pocket to grab his phone before realizing it’s still in his hand. He unlocked the phone and hands it over to her, he watches as her fingers move nimbly over the screen. He worries for a second that she might’ve given him a fake number. He barely hears her phone go off, she hands him his phone back and their hands touch both letting their hands linger for a moment. He smirks at her looking down at his phone to see that she texted herself so she had his number as well. He was unsure of how to say goodbye; does he kiss her on the cheek? Does he hug her? Do they just wave goodbye? His question is finally answered when she leans in and places a kiss on his cheek.

“Well I guess I will be seeing you later Mr. Evans.”

Then she turned and walked across the street, once she crossed she looked back at him smiling so brightly he thought it could out shine the sun. She blushed again quickly turning her head before continuing to walk away. He wondered why she was alone until she saw her link up with a small group of friends. He felt like their interaction had lasted for an hour but looking at the time on his phone it only took about 5 minutes. He still would be early to his dinner which had him sad because he could’ve spent a little more time with her. He looked for her again but she had disappeared. He sighed then headed to where they were all supposed to meet.

***********************************************************************

He arrived at the place they were planning to meet at, a restaurant called the Riverhorse on Main. It had excellent google reviews and it was located close to the middle of main street so it was convenient for everyone who would be meeting. He let the host know that there would be 5 people joining him, the host smiled trying hard not to stare. Chris gave a polite tight lipped smile back following her. The host was a cute enough girl but he couldn’t pull his mind off the girl he and just ran into. He was taking about how adorable she was when the light pink of a blush crept onto her face. The host sat him down and he realized that he never he got her name. He was in awe of her and didn’t even get her name, as he pulled out his phone he was slightly embarrassed because he wasn’t sure how he was going to ask her for her name.

He had a slight smile on his face when he picked up the phone and saw the unknown number. His face fully lit up when he opened the text and saw that she had already texted her name. He kept reading and his smile stayed as the brush crept onto his face.

“[Y/N] {Y/L/N}. I know our run in was brief and it wasn’t until after I met up with my friends and told them that I realized you never got my name. I thought you might be too embarrassed to just ask so I thought I would spare you the awkwardness of asking”

She put a smile at the end of the text which made his heart light up like a star. He was happy she had saved him from that, he could already tell that she was something different then most women he came into contact with. He just sat their staring at his phone thinking of a good response when all of his buddies showed up at once.

“uh oh seeing him smile at his phone like that makes me very nervous” Sebastian said with a light chuckle.

“I think it can only mean something good, meet someone on your way here?” Anthony questioned as he pulled his chair out taking a seat.

Chris sat at the head of the table, Sebastian sat next to Chris Hemsworth. Anthony sat across from Hemsworth, Pratt sat across from Sebastian and RDJ sat across from Chris on the other head of the table. Chris had to text her, he didn’t want her thinking that he was ignoring her.

“I just sat down at my dinner, I will text you after and we can meet up for that drink I promised you?”

He hit the send arrow and shoved his phone into his pocket but not before putting it on silent. He knew if he heard the text tone stating she had responded he wouldn’t be able to just leave it, he knew he would have to respond.

*****************************************************************************

Dinner was moving along good, the appetizer had just been set down and they had ordered their entrees. Everyone had either a beer or a glass of wine. They were all involved in the conversation, everyone just chatting away giving their two cents in whenever they felt like it. Everyone was laughing having a wonderful time, when all of a sudden she walked in. He knew it was her by her beautiful [h/c] in the loose girls and by the way her [e/c] pierced into his when she turned and caught sight of him. She was surround by three or four friends, none of them seemed to notice that she paused momentarily and her breathe caught in her throat at the sight of him. He shot her a quick smile and she blushed and turned following the host and her friends.

Luckily for him his friends didn’t see him. He kept staring at her, every so often looking at his friends joining them in laughing and occasionally saying something. The majority of his attention was trained on her, she didn’t seem to notice. He felt the buzz of his phone in his pocket and decided to discreetly check his phone, her name showed up and he immediately opened it.

“Why don’t you take a picture it’ll last longer ;)”

He looked up at his friend who were crunching away on the appetizer and too engulfed in their own conversation to notice him. He was astounded by her, she was gorgeous and witty? He couldn’t say that she was perfect, not yet anyway. He had a tugging in his heart, he was drawn to her, he had to get to know her. Shaking his head slightly he was trying to think of a flirty comeback that wouldn’t look obnoxiously obvious.

“I’m sorry I just couldn’t believe you’re following me, I already promised you a drink afterwards.  ;)”

He thought about it for a few seconds not wanting to come off as a jerk or as too anxious. His thumb hovered over the send arrow, he was unsure if he wanted to send it. Was it going to come across and too serious? Was it too flirty? He was racking his brain around it when he felt something hit the crown of his head. He looked up and saw all the men staring at him. He was looking between all them when he thumb fell and hit the send arrow. He hadn’t realized quite yet because he was staring at his friends trying to think of what to say and waiting for them to say something to him. It was Anthony that chimed up first.

“Alright now I am a little worried. You’re never on your phone when we’re together, especially when we are sitting down for dinner. What is going on dude?”

All the men had their brow knit into concern, all the eyes were on him and he didn’t know what to say. He forgot his phone was even in his hands, his anxiety was bubbling up with what to respond to his friends with almost as if on que he got a text from her.

“Well it’s not every day that you run into someone so handsome, how could I not follow you? ;)”

He chuckled in relief that his message wasn’t poorly interpreted, before texting her back he needed get his friends off his back. Now he is a terrible liar, he was trying to concoct some type of lie to give them when suddenly his mouth just got away from him.

“I met someone.”

He must have looked as shocked as they did. All their jaws dropped and none of them were sure how to respond. They all knew Chris was ready to settle down, he had met women before but nothing recently had stuck. They had been having a fun dinner just light conversation and it seem the entire atmosphere of the table changed now. Chris Hemsworth was the next to speak.

“Well then tell us about her! If she’s got you texting during dinner and blushing like a teenager then she must be something special. C’mon now tell us!”

All the other men chimed in with their “yeah’s” and they all leaned in closer. As if someone was looking out for him their entrees arrived right as he opened his mouth. Chris let out a huff as they passed around the entrees. He wanted to get one final text sent before he put his phone away for good. He knew he wouldn’t have time to second guess himself, he was hoping dinner being delivered would help them change the topic. He glanced over at her again she was holding her wine glass and had her head thrown back laughing. God she was stunning.

“I guess I will let it slide this time. ;) I hope you know I am excited to for those drinks. It’s too bad you’re with your friends or I would just invite you to join us now.”

His hands started to sweat a little; he was wanting to be flirty, maybe even a little risqué but he was extremely nervous. She made him nervous, he wanted the chance to get to know her. She intrigued him so much, he still was unsure of a lot but he knew that he at least wanted the chance to get to know her. He was right about his friends. As soon as the entrees were placed with their correct owners all the men started talking about food now. Talking about how their drinks paired well with their food and how their food was perfectly seasoned, cooked well. Chris was in the clear, for now at least. He felt his phone go off in his pocket, he peered over at her again and this time she was looking right at him. She flashed him a mischievous smile then turned back towards her friends. He wasn’t going to open that text, he wasn’t sure what it contained but he didn’t want to be flustered and get caught by his friends.

*******************************************************************************

Everyone finished off their entrées and were slowly picking at their deserts, Chris continued to glance her way as often as he could without looking suspicious to his friends. His dinner was delicious, all he could think about throughout desert was how sweet she probably tasted. He felt a heat in more then one place on his body at the thought, he quickly engaged himself in the conversation to get his mind off of it. He was picking at the last few bites of his desert, he looked over and her table was empty. Her and her friends had gone, he felt his stomach drop a little. He liked her being so close, it made him feel secure; like you weren’t going to ghost him for drinks.

Before he knew it there was a chair next to his with her in it. She was sat close to him, their thighs touching. He was caught off guard by how close she really was, she was much closer now then before. He could really see the streaks of colors in her eyes, he saw how long her eyelashes were. She only had on modest eyeshadow, eye liner, and mascara. She looked good in her natural beauty, he could see the few freckles she had. He could smell her and the wine she had been drinking with dinner. She was smiling bright at him, he wasn’t exactly sure how to react or what his friends were thinking. Luckily she spoke first, barely above a whisper.

“I took your text as an actual invitation. I hope you don’t mind? I figured since you’re having desert your dinner would be done soon and we could start having that drink here and maybe see where the night goes after that?”

He wasn’t sure how to respond he gave her a smile then as he was about to respond RDJ spoke.

“Well, well, well, who do we have here?”

“I think we are about to meet the ‘someone’ he was starting to tell us about.” Sebastian spoke with a single brow raised.

Chris was a little awe struck by everything that was happening, it was all moving so quickly he could barely keep his head on straight.

“Oh he was talking about me was he? Well I hope it was all bad!” her laugh echo’d in his head and down to his chest causing his breathe to catch in this throat. It sounded like the sweetest melody he had ever heard. “I am [Y/N]. I’m not sure what he said but we had a brief run in before this. He told me he couldn’t blow off this dinner and now I know why.”

She smile brightly at his friends, they were all looking her over. Not all of them in a sexual way, more sizing her up. They all worried about Chris, he had such a big heart and no one wanted to see him get hurt. He was worried about any sort of interrogation from his friends. He hadn’t even got to know her yet himself so he wasn’t sure how to respond himself. He didn’t want his friends thinking anything poorly on him or, especially, her. Normally he waited to introduce potential girlfriends to friends until they were closer to being official. His friends were always by his side through it all so he valued their approval on a lot of things in life.

“Well I am sure glad he didn’t blow us off! So tell us about yourself.” Sebastian of course was the first to start the interrogation, he had sized her up initially now he was really looking at her. Chris saw the glint of mischief in his eyes and he didn’t like it one bit.

“Well you know my name, I live here in Utah but I’m not from here. My family moved us here because my parents were in the military, that was long ago and now all my family has moved and scattered. I have 2 dogs that I love more then life itself, uuuummmmm, coming up here has been a tradition for me since I was 16. I am working towards a double bachelors degree and I work full time. I was blonde for a long period of time but then I decided I wanted to go back to brunette. Ummmm theres a lot more but I can’t really think of anything right now.” Chris could tell this made her a little nervous. Almost instinctively he grabbed her had a squeezed lightly just trying to comfort her.

“Well you seem rather interesting. What kind of dogs do you have? Can we see pictures?” Anthony spoke up everyone seemed to be staring right at her, she squeezed his hand back. He could sense she was nervous but she never showed it. She didn’t even stutter or fault under their gazes. She squeeze his hand again then released it grabbing her phone. He saw her open up the photos app and he snuck a peak, her phone was filled with pictures of her dogs, her with her friends and family, and some inspiration quotes.

“Of course you can see pictures of my babies! I will take any opportunity to talk about them and show off pictures!” She smiled and let out a giggle. She clicked on a photo that showed both her dogs together. “I have a Pembroke welsh corgi and a ginormous black lab. Zeus is my corgi; he’s a tri color with a little man complex which I take full responsibility for, my ex-husband and I fought over the name I wanted to name him Murph, which was veto’d, then I joked around about naming his Zeus and it stuck. Naming him Zeus I only did the right thing and treated him like the king he is, I mean look how cute he is, how could I not??” Chris heart beat a little faster when he heard she had once been married. It made him feel a little better about being three times divorced. She swiped to a picture that was just of her corgi and handed the phone to Sebastian who looked at it for a second then passed it to Anthony who kept it going until it was handed back to her. All the men chuckling but they were all completely mesmerized by her, all unable to turn their attention from her.

She swiped again to a picked of just one black lab, she smiled a big smile then started speaking again. “Maveryk is my black lab. He was original my husband but he spent more of his life with both of us then with just him so when we separated and divorced I went to court over keeping him. My ex was not happy to say the least. Maveryk is not your typical lab, he is a freaking beast. He weighs about 110 pounds of pure love and fat, it took some time to get his a little chunky but it was so worth it because he is so damn cute a little chunky!” Again she smiled down at her phone then passed the phone around in the same circle. All the men smiling at the picture of the dog, she was in bright yellow life jacket looking up at the camera, if it wasn’t for the grey chin hair you would’ve thought he was a puppy. “Y’all can swipe left and right a little to see a few more pictures of them. I promise you won’t see anything you don’t want to.” She gave a light giggle and all the men blushed.

Chris could hear a light accent when she spoke, he couldn’t quite tell where she was from but he was sure they’d get it out of her soon enough.

***************************************************************************

What was supposed to be drinks between just them turned into drinks with all of them. They had eventually left the restaurant and made their way to an party all the boys had been invited to. All their names were on the list so it wasn’t hard getting her in, she went with Sebastian and Anthony to reserve a booth. Chris asked her what she wanted to drink, he had to lean in close due to how load it was. Being to close his breathe fanned over her neck, he could smell her light perfume and it smelled like floral and vanilla. Chris thought it was more intoxicating then any drink he could order, he asked her what she wanted then pulled away. She leaned it close enough that her lips brush again the shell of his ear which made his heart flutter and his breathing stop. She order something kind of fruity but he knew it would pack a punch.

They other men order all the drinks and made their way to the booth. Sam was sat next to Sebastian on one side and an empty seat on the other, he took the opportunity to slide in next to her. He set her drink down then moved his hand to rest on her thigh closer to her knee then the apex of her thigh, he wasn’t wanting to make her uncomfortable but he was wanting to make sure she felt secure if his friends started interrogating her again. Her thigh was tense when he initially touched it but she immediately relaxed under his touch which made him feel good. He was calming her and he liked it, it made from breathe a sigh of relief.

**********************************************************************

They all spent at least two or three hours at the party. But the time they left everyone was well acquainted with each other, Chris could tell she was holding back some not wanting to show all of herself just yet. She hugged each of them as they parted was, Sebastian was the last to hug her. His hug lingered a little longer then Chris would’ve liked, Sebastian then hugged Chris and whispered into his ear.

“Don’t mess this one up, she’s a keeper. If you do mess it up let me know so I can swoop in!” He chuckled lightly before continuing “I already got her number. But don’t worry I really am rooting for you.”

He tensed a little at first, he could tell by the way Sebastian was looking at her all night that he was feeling her a little too. She had a decent buzz going so he wasn’t sure if she even noticed. She sat closer to Chris but leaned into Sebastian every so often when he was talking, he made her laugh which made her lean in even closer. Which did make Chris a little nervous at first, that was until she grabbed his hand and intertwined their fingers. She kept their hands under the table but used her thumb to gently stroke the back of his hand, he wasn’t sure if it was because of the alcohol in her system or what but he enjoyed it while he could.

All of his friends had dissipated which left only the two of them standing in front of each other. He didn’t want to come off too forward but he also wasn’t ready for the night to end, he wasn’t sure that he would get another chance with her. He thought the night had gone really well but his anxiety got the best of him causing him to worry that she wouldn’t want to see him again. He stood there staring at her, she stood there staring right back. He could tell her mind was working on something to say, he was just hoping she was going to say something that would cause them to spend more time together. She spoke first.

“Where are you staying at? Where do celebrities even stay during events like this? Is stuff just provided for you? I am staying at the Chateuax Deer Valley, it’s only like a 3 minute drive from here. We can walk back to where you’re staying or I can drive you? I mean that is if you even want to keep spending time with me, wow that was ballsy of me to just assume you would want to spend more time with me. Now I am nervously rambling and this is probably making this whole situation even worse. Wow I am just making the best impression!” She removed her beanie and ran her hand through her hair, she then replaced her beanie back on her head. She was blushing and anyone could tell she was extremely nervous. Chris gave a light chuckle before replying.

“What a coincidence, I am also staying at the Chateuax Deer Vally, if you don’t mind a ride would be nice. Otherwise I can just call the car service they have set up for us.” Chris never took his eyes off her, he saw her should drop and he could almost see the nerves fall away from her.

“Well I already offered the ride so of course I don’t mind!”

**********************************************************************

The walk to her car was filled with his stories, he enjoyed the way she listened intently to him. She was absorbing what he was saying, taking all of it in. Asking questions every so often, she was trying to learn about him and he enjoyed it.

The car ride to the hotel she told a funny and embarrassing story about her child hood, she was animated as she spoke. Moving her hands wildly, luckily the car ride was short. They spoke almost in sync stating which rooms they were in. They weren’t staying in the same building, they were across the compound from each he walked her back to the building she was staying in. He didn’t want to say goodbye but he didn’t want to impose or make her uncomfortable. They stood there for a little while; neither of them wanting to walk away but neither of them sure what the others intentions were. He wasn’t going to push her into anything, he let her make the next move.

“Well it is getting late and I am sure you have a busy day tomorrow so I will let you go. Maybe if you aren’t too busy we could get a meal together? Maybe Breakfast or dinner? Or another drink? That is if you want to…” He just loved that she was nervous rambling, he thought it was adorable.

“Of course I want to spend more time with you. When I get back to my room I will look at my itinerary and let you know. I will be sure we get to spend some time tomorrow. I will text you.” She smiled and bowed her head.

He slowly started going in for a hug, he was looking her face over again and stared at her lips. She did the same, she scanned his eyes then went to his lips. She went back and forth between the two. He wanted to kiss her but he was unsure, she went for it. She pressed her lips against his and he immediately returned her kiss. It was passionate and gentle, there was no ulterior motive. His hand initially cupped her face but when he moved it to the back of her head she moan ever so slightly letting him slip his tongue into her mouth. They began making out, Chris thought he had died and gone to heaven. It felt like hours when she finally pulled away needing to breathe, she didn’t pull far just enough that their noses brushed. They looked each other in the eye. She said her goodbyes and walked into her building. Chris was giddy the entire time back to his building, it took everything in him not to sprint back so he could check his itinerary. He was hooked on her after only a few hours.

[krizaland]

ok, so imagine this, yandere zim has a nice and obedient friend but zim takes it too far and she reaches her limit. Sorry if it's a bit odd and not specific but can you do something with that?

It’s all good! I got the perfect idea! I took a little inspiration from my childhood nightmares of Zim turning me into an Irken.

I even drew up a picture to go with it!

Be warned: Reader will be experimented on! Also, Yanderes are creepy fucks. There won’t be anything sexual but things will get very creepy and disturbing. 

You had been friends with Zim for over 6 months now! Zim never knew why you would always be so nice to him.

At first he thought you were trying to expose him but after learning that you were just genuinely nice, Zim decided to let you live.

Zim had to admit, you did start to grow on him.

You would always compliment him on his various gadgets and would listen to him whenever he needed to vent.

You weren’t too clingy and gave him the space he needed.

Soon, Zim learned that you seemed to enjoy helping him out from time to time.

You would often bring him homework he had forgotten and even acted as a human shield whenever Dib decided to try to start a food fight.

Zim thought it was strange at first but appreciated your dedication.

“Y/N, I’d like to take a moment to thank you for your services.You have been most useful to me!” Zim explained as he patted your head.

“Of course, Zim! I’d do anything for you!” You chirped.

“Anything?” Zim parroted as he tilted his head.

“Well, anything in my power anyway.” You laughed.

“I shall hold you to that promise then.” Zim mused as he narrowed his eyes.

As time went on, Zim found himself falling in love with you.

At first he had a meltdown! He couldn’t be in love with a filthy human! This would ruin his mission!

Why couldn’t you have at least been Irken instead of human?! At least then he wouldn’t have to destroy you!

Suddenly, he got an idea.

An awful, nasty idea.

“Computer! Get me in contact with Prisoner #777 on planet Vort!” Zim ordered as he pointed to the ceiling.

“GETTING IN CONTACT WITH PRISONER #777!”

Soon the monitor crackled to life and revealed Prisoner #777 sitting in his usual prison cell.

“What is it this time, Zim?” He groaned as he turned to look at him.

“I need you to get me blueprints for an Irken PAK!” Zim demanded as he put his hands behind his back.

“Why would you need PAK blueprints? What’s wrong with the one you have now-���

“DO NOT QUESTION ME! I HAVE YOUR CHILDREN REMEMBER!” Zim roared as he gestured to a small tube with Prisoner #777′s kids bouncing around inside.

“Just give me what I asked for.” Zim growled.

“Ok! Ok! Fine! I was just asking! Here you are.” Prisoner #777 squeaked as he sent Zim the blueprints.

“Excellent.” A massive grin spread across Zim’s face as he downloaded the blueprints.

“Now, I’m sill in prison so if you could just-”

“END THE CALL!”

Zim’s grin grew wider as he looked over the blueprints.

“Yes! Yes!! With these blueprints I can create a PAK to store Y/N’s personalty and memories and upload them into a SUPERIOR IRKEN BODY!” Zim let out a  maniacal laugh as he raised his hands in the air.

Wasting no more time, Zim threw on a lab coat and green goggles and got straight to work.

Once his hard work had been completed, Zim threw on his disguise and made his way to Skool. Zim could hardly contain his excitement! He couldn’t wait to put his plan into action!

Zim let out a squeal when he spotted you walking his way.

“Hey, Zim! Looks like someone is in a good mood today!” You giggled as you took notice of the massive grin plastered on Zim’s face.

Zim cleared his throat and took a deep breath.

“Y/N? Is it true that you would do anything for me?” Zim purred as he circled you.

“Well, I have my limits but yeah.” You felt yourself get a little nervous as Zim sauntered closer.

"Very well. If you speak the truth, then you shall follow me to my base-I mean house! You shall follow me to my perfectly normal house and not question a thing.” Zim’s voice lowered a bit as he spoke.

“O-Ok then. Is something wrong?” You asked as you followed Zim back to his base.

“Oh don’t worry, sweet Y/N. I can assure the problem will be solved once we get inside.” Zim stifled a sinister chuckle as he opened the door.

“Welcome home, son!” The Robo parents eagerly greeted as they stepped aside.

“So these are your parents?” You asked as you tried to inspect the robo parents.

“Yes. Yes. I love them with all my heart, now keep following me.” Zim grumbled as he dragged you along.

“Wow, your house sure is um...interesting.” You murmured as you looked around at all of Zim’s bizarre decor.

“Alright, Y/N. Just stand right here for me!” Zim commanded as he pointed to a spot in front of his toilet.

“Ok then...” You were horribly confused but did as you were told.

“Excellent! Now hold still.” Zim chuckled darkly

“Zim what’s going on-Ack!”

PAF!

You were engulfed in a sea of bright pink mist.

You let out a few coughs before collapsing to the ground

“Sleep well, my sweet.” Zim’s voice melted into a dark whisper as he scooped you off the ground.

Zim dragged your unconscious body into his lab and strapped you down to a large metal table.

He changed back into his lab coat and goggles and placed a strange Irken helmet over your head.

“I’ll admit, you’re actually quite attractive for a human. I almost feel bad about letting such a lovely form go to waste.” Zim mused as he caressed your cheek.

“Oh well! I’ve come too far to turn back now!” Zim chirped as he hooked up the helmet to the new PAK he had just built for you.

Zim erupted into thunderous maniacal laughter as he flipped a large purple switch.

ZAP!

Zim’s laughter echoed throughout the lab as your mind and spirit was slowly uploaded into the PAK.

“Awaken, my sweet.”

You let out a gasp the moment your heavy eyelids opened.

Your world was encased in a murky purple bubble. All you could make you was a distorted image of a bug like creature staring back at you. His voice sounded muffled but you could still understand his words.

“Computer! Release, Y/N!” Zim commanded as he pointed to the ceiling.

CRASH!

The glass chamber you were floating in was shattered to the ground.

CLANG!

You let out a yelp as you felt a large metal object being injected into your back.

ZAP!

A small electric shock surged through your body for a moment.

You let out a groan as you tried to process what was going on.

"HA! Success!” Zim squealed as he zipped to your side.

His ruby eyes twinkled with excitement as he took in your new form.

You were beyond perfect! You were breathtaking!

Your antennas were perfectly curled and your F/C eyes sparkled under the lab’s dim lighting.

Even your height was perfected as your new Irken body was a foot taller than your old human one.

Zim became so entranced by your beauty that he fell to the floor for a moment.

You let out a gasp and tried to check on him. However, there was no need!

“REACTIVATING!”

ZAP!

Zim’s PAK sent out a small electric shock and revived him from his trance.

Zim shook away the excess shock and turned his attention back to you.

“Oh my god! Are you alright?!” You squeaked as you covered your mouth.

“Never better, my sweet, Y/N! The real question is how do you feel?” Zim crooned as he pointed at you.

“Oh? Well, I feel kinda out of it, now that you ask.” You explained as you held your head.

“I see. Well, your entire human brain has been uploaded into your PAK. So I guess you need some time to get used to things.” Zim hummed as he rubbed the back of his head.

“Wait what?!”

“Oh ho! Oh yeah! You were unconscious when all the stuff happened.” Zim chuckled.

“When what stuff happened?! What’s going on here?!” You demanded as you put your hands on your hips.

“Weeeell, I removed your brain data from your old PATHETIC HUMAN BODY and transferred it into a SUPERIOR IRKEN BODY!” Zim sang.

“WHAT?! I’M NOT HUMAN ANYMORE?!” You shrieked as you frantically patted all around yourself.

“Nope! You are no longer a FILTHY HUMAN! You are now A SUPERIOR IRKEN LIFE FORM!!! See?” Zim sang as he held up a small mirror.

You let out another shriek!

You couldn’t even recognize yourself anymore!

Your skin was green and your eyes were F/C and bug like! Any traces of hair were gone! Now all you had were two curly antennas on your head.

You backed away and almost slipped on the left over purple goo on the floor.

“Now. Now. It’s alright! You just need to take some time to adjust to your new body!” Zim reassured as he gently took your hands in his.

“No! Let go of me, you freak!” You seethed as you snatched your hands away.

“But, Y/N! It’s me, Zim!” Zim insisted as he gestured to himself.

“What the-Zim?!  You’re an alien?!” You yelped as a shudder ran down your spine.

“Indeed I am! I’m sorry, my sweet Y/N but Zim is not a normal human worm baby. Zim is a MIGHTY IRKEN WARRIOR! SENT ON A SPECIAL MISSION TO DESTROY THIS MISERABLE PLANET FOR MY LEADERS, THE ALL MIGHTY TALLEST!” Zim cackled as he threw his hands into the air.

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing! The green skinned boy you called your friend was an evil monster from beyond the stars!

“I can’t believe it! Dib was right about you! You are a monster!” You choked out as pink tears streamed down your face.

“Monster?! Zim is no monster! I did this to protect your precious life! When the armada arrives they will fire a cannon sweep to eradicate any remaining non Irken life forms. This was the only way to spare you from the armada’s wrath! I couldn’t bear to live with myself if I lost you! I care about you far too much!” Zim explained as he activated his spider legs to reach your face better.

“If you really cared about me, you wouldn’t have done this! Change me back, Zim! I can’t live my life like this!” You wailed as you gestured to yourself.

“Never! This is for your own good! You’ll thank me once the armada gets here!” Zim snarled as he drew closer.

“Zim! Listen to reason! You can’t keep me like this!” You pleaded as you backed away from him.

“Oh but I can! And I will. You might as well forget about your pathetic former human body! I’ve already disposed of it!” Zim chuckled darkly as he circled you.

“WHAT?! THIS IS INSANE!” You screeched as you tried to get away.

“Isn’t it though? Don’t worry, I think you’ll find your new body to be a major improvement.” Zim purred as he grabbed your arm and rubbed his face up against it.

“GET OFF OF ME!” You tried to pull your arm away but Zim’s grip was far too tight.

“No. I don’t think I will....Mmm you smell divine my sweet. No longer are you plagued by that DISGUSTING humany smell! Now you’re perfect. Perfect in every way.” Zim’s voice melted into a soft whisper as he kissed his way up your arm.

SMOOCH!

He planted a large kiss on your cheek.

You let out a startled yelp and tried to shake him off of you but yo no avail.

“Stop your struggling, my sweet. I’m not trying to harm you,” Zim purred as he nuzzled into the crook of your neck.

“You’ve already hurt me, Zim! By turning me into a freak!” You sobbed as Zim begun to pepper your neck with slightly rough kisses.

“Oh you say that now, yes but I don’t think you really mean it.” Zim let out a few chirps as he wrapped his arms around you.

“I mean it, Zim! You’ve hurt me! I can’t believe I actually thought you were my friend!” Your voice cracked as more pink tears streamed down your cheeks.

“Perhaps you’re right. Maybe I am not your friend. Maybe I am something more...” Zim circles around to properly face you.

“What are you-MMPH!”

Zim grabbed your face and crashed his lips onto yours.

He let out a low, growly moan as his worm like tongue forced its way into your mouth.

You tasted so divine. Zim couldn’t get enough of you. His tongue curled around yours and playfully wrestled with it.

You let out a muffled yelp as your eyes widened in horror. You wanted to fight back but Zim had already overpowered you.

Soon Zim released you and licked his lips.

“Maybe I am your master...”

[berenshand]

pLease talk about why benedick and claudio are foils!! i’ve only just gotten into much ado and i’m thirsty for analysis 👀👀

hoooo eee you opened a can of worms here my friend. there is literally nothing i would rather talk about than this. im so sorry i am not kidding when i say i wrote an essay in response to this

Ok so, a big theme in Much Ado is realistic vs idealized love, and there’s also a lot of generalizations about love, but Claudio and Benedick generalize about love in totally opposite ways. At the beginning of the play, Claudio sees Hero and immediately thinks ‘she is beautiful and I would like to marry her’. Sure, he’s seen her before, but he was distracted because he was, you know, about to go to war, but in the first scene, he tells Don Pedro that he “liked her ere I went to wars.” Like, he didn’t realize he was in love with her til after, but it was love at first sight.

Claudio, through the whole play, is idealistic – he wants everything to be perfect, to be black and white. There is no room for ‘maybe’ in his character (which, unfortunately means he does not use his brain cells). When he talks about Hero, he almost always talks about her beauty or her chastity. He’s focused on the superficial, and he’s hyperbolic (almost like Romeo). He’s trying really hard to be the perfect courtly lover stereotype – he can’t just say ‘Hero is beautiful’, oh no, he has to say “she is the sweetest lady that ever I looked on”. Benedick even says Claudio used to speak “plain and to the purpose” but now his words are “fantastical”. So Claudio is way over the top.

Claudio expects everything to be perfect. Another big theme in the play is appearance vs reality. Claudio thinks that because Hero looks perfect, she must be perfect, and Claudio seems to be incapable of interpreting things beyond the surface-level, which is foreshadowed when he sees Don Pedro with Hero. He literally planned this with Don Pedro, but as soon as Don John and Borachio show up and say ‘oh by the way, DP’s in love with Hero’, Claudio’s like ‘damn, Don Pedro must be in love with Hero’. Y’all know Shakespeare loves a soliloquy, and Claudio does get one here, but it isn’t a ‘hm should I listen to Don John who is notoriously untrustworthy’ soliloquy, it’s a ‘well I guess Don Pedro screwed me over’ soliloquy. Claudio sees/hears something, has no evidence to contradict it and says ‘well, that must be true’. He doesn’t look for counter evidence or take Don John’s character into account. He’s gullible, black-and-white, and idealistic. If someone says something he can’t, for a fact, disprove, it must be true.

Later, when he accuses Hero, he says, “O Hero, what a Hero hadst thou been, / If half thy outward graces had been placed / About thy thoughts and counsels of thy heart!” He’s finally learned that people aren’t always what they seem, but HE LEARNED IT FROM THE WRONG PERSON because he always sticks with his first impression, instead of like, trusting the person he loves and wants to marry. His first instinct was to believe Don John at the party that Don Pedro isn’t a loyal friend, and a few scenes later, to believe Hero isn’t a loyal fiancée. His trust is completely based on perfection: he wants people to be perfect, and when they aren’t, he doesn’t just like. move on. He completely goes off the rails. In the party scene, he’s furious with Don Pedro, which makes him snap at Benedick and storm off in a huff (meanwhile Benedick is stood there like ????????????), and when he accuses Hero, he can’t just do it quietly. Like Beatrice complains, he waits til they are in church in front of God and everybody and completely destroys her life. He learns one negative thing about her and her perfection is destroyed and he will never love again.

Benedick, on the other hand, does not believe in love at first sight. He doesn’t believe in love at all. Nearly every single one of his lines in the first scene is him complaining about love. He says every man who marries will eventually “wear his cap with suspicion”. (This means married men have to wear caps to cover up their cuckold horns – Elizabethans had a sort of… urban legend that if your wife cheated on you, you would grow horns). So Benedick is basically saying ‘women will never be faithful’ (the irony of this is apparent later when Balthasar sings “men were deceivers ever”). However, Benedick also says a lot of stuff about being a ladies man??? He’s very inconsistent – the whole ‘appearance vs reality’ thing comes up with him too bc its like he really doesn’t want people to think he’s interested in romantic love but he also really wants them to think he can Get It. Who is the real Benedick????? We don't really know bc he keeps swapping personalities. Personally I think it’s interesting how Shakespeare seems to like flipping the connotations we expect… in Romeo and Juliet, he gives day a negative connotation and night a positive one, which is almost unheard of in western literature, and in Much Ado, the consistent character (Claudio, who is consistently gullible and idealistic) is a much less positive character then the inconsistent one (Benedick, who has no clue what he is doing ever).

A few scenes later, Benedick is in the garden complaining about how men make fun of other men who fall in love, then become the exact thing they’re complaining about by falling in love “and such a man is Claudio”. He goes on to say he will never fall in love (methinks he doth protest too much), but if he does the woman he loves will be perfect in every way. On the surface, it sounds like he has high standards, but what he’s really saying is ‘I will never marry because no such woman exists’ (not unlike Beatrice saying a man with no beard is too young for her but a man with a beard is too old – she’s saying she won’t marry because there is no such man in between – you either have a beard or you don’t). Benedick is an idiot, but not that kind of idiot. He knows the perfect woman doesn’t exist. Where Claudio is idealistic, Benedick is realistic.

……and then like one page later, he hears his friends say Beatrice loves him and he goes ‘oh hell yeah I will be horribly in love with her’. His soliloquy from earlier that said ‘men are idiots because they mock love then fall in love’? He’s proving himself right. But the difference between him and Claudio is that he can always acknowledge Beatrice’s faults. Even in the very beginning, he says Beatrice is prettier than Hero, though she is unfortunately “possessed with a fury”. Even now, when he’s deluded into thinking she loves him, and he’s listing off her virtues, he can still say she is “wise, but for loving me; by my troth, it is no addition to her wit”, and not only is he acknowledging her faults, he’s also acknowledging his. He even decides to be kind to her because he hears his friends roasting him and thinks ‘wow am I like that? I need to fix that’. While Claudio refuses to even consider that he might be wrong about distrusting Hero, Benedick is making a list of his own flaws and calling it Things I Need To Work On. Claudio’s list is more like Things I Am Right About Without Doing Any Critical Thinking.

What this all boils down to, for me, anyway, is again, that idea of realistic vs idealistic. Claudio is idealistic about himself too. He always thinks he’s right. Benedick knows he has flaws and actively tries to fix them. Claudio has unrealistic expectations of perfection. That whole ‘love is not love which alters when it alteration finds’ thing does NOT apply to him. If he finds an alteration he will not only stop loving you, he will give up on love forever, and ruin your entire life in front of every single person you know. He thinks love is nice. That it’s a warm fuzzy feeling that makes you feel like chirping birds helped you get dressed in the morning. But Benedick knows that love is a choice. His love for Beatrice isn’t love at first sight. In fact, they had a past relationship that ended badly. His feelings for Beatrice change on a dime because he decides he is going to love her, which is a crucial part of any real relationship, romantic or otherwise. We have to choose to love people in spite of their failings because everyone has failings. If we give up on everyone who fails us, we will be alone – just like Claudio and Don Pedro end up isolated from everyone in Act 4 and 5.

When Hero and Claudio reconcile, they slip right back into their dramatic overwrought nonsense – Hero’s all ‘I truly was dead, because you killed me, but I have returned to life’. Beatrice and Benedick are like “I take you for pity” and ‘here’s a shitty sonnet you wrote about me lmao’. Claudio and Hero feel like Romeo and Juliet 2.0, but Beatrice and Benedick sound like your favourite real-life married couple because they can make fun of each other. So again, Shakespeare is playing with expected connotations: the person who’s more serious should probably be a more positive character than the one who can’t take anything seriously, but it’s Benedick, who literally never stops joking around, who is the positive character, and Claudio, who takes everything Very Seriously, who ends up looking like an idiot.

This is a really long answer but basically, they’re foils because Benedick is unserious, realistic, and introspective, while Claudio is serious, idealistic, and self-righteous.

[hyunsracha]

poetry —  kim seungmin

word count: 2k

summary: why are crushes so difficult?

“why are crushes so difficult?”

this was kim seungmin’s dilemma.

he flops down on his best friend’s bed, glaring at the romance movie posters plastered on the walls.

“what’s so difficult about them, minnie? they’re fun! you get butterflies and blushy and you start trying to write poetry...all that fun stuff?” his best friend, hwang hyunjin, didn’t even look up from his notes to speak.

hyunjin was the sappiest, most love-filled person seungmin knew. he loved romance movies and dating and being in love.

seungmin, on the other hand, had never had a crush before. sure, he’s been attracted to people, but no …. poetic thoughts.

“p-poetry?”

“yeah. do you….oh my god.” hyunjin stood from his desk chair, “do you write poetry about y/n?”

“n-no!”

“KIM SEUNGMIN.” and he pounced. he landed right next to seungmin on the bed, hands coming out to smack at the younger boy as he squealed.

“show it to me, show it to me!!!! i’m your best friend, minnie!”

“WHICH IS WHY IT’S WEIRD GET AWAY FROM ME-”

hyunjin huffed, his bottom lip jutting out.

“fine. but you’re really whipped, you know.”

“yeah. tell me about it.”

“okay! well, for example, today y/n came into the lunchroom and you spilled your milk-”

“HYUNJIN I DIDN’T MEAN- okay.” seungmin sighed, turning to face the boy he ‘unfortunately’ called his best friend, “what do i do?”

“have you ever thought about, i dunno, confessing?”

“eat my shorts.”

hyunjin went back to his desk, returning his attention to his math homework, “then sit and be in love and fucking Perish.”

it wasn’t seungmin’s fault he didn’t wanna confess!!

maybe he would confess if everyone else wasn’t >:(((

he understood that you were like … super pretty and nice and smart and perfect in every way (◕ ◡ ◕)

but it was like someone new confessed to you Every Day

even people from other schools!!!! >:(((

one day, he was leaving the school, and he saw you on the sidewalk with a boy from ur school’s Rival School

and the boy was blushing >:( and he had a flower in his hand >:(

but u rejected him!

just like u rejected Everyone

and he didn’t understand,,,

u could have Anyone U Wanted

whatever! he liked u better single

it meant he still maybe had a chance :(

to be honest, seungmin doesn’t remember when he first starting liking u

maybe it was when you two got paired up in chemistry and you knew Nothing about chemistry

“okay so put in one drop of the clear.”

“w-what’s in the clear?”

“it’s water, y/n.”

“oh!” and you blushed and seungmin’s heart went JFSGJSKH

or maybe it was during hoco when he was just chilling, drinking some punch, chomping on a cookie

and you came up to him :((( all shy :((( and u looked SO GOOD

and you asked him to dance with you

yeah he choked on his cookie a little bit but then that boy was ON THE DANCE FLOOR

surprisingly, seungmin Did know how to dance

being best friends with the co-captain of the dance team since kindergarten has its perks!

u were a lil shocked too like that mf just Took You In His Arms and started swaying and u were like HUH????

when did seungmin become a MAN

he didn’t, he’s just a very sophisticated Boy.

hyunjin thinks seungmin started liking you when you first met

seungmin thinks hyunjin is fucking stupid

he was FIVE and all seungmin cared about when he was 5 was sour gummy worms

“isn’t that all u care about now?”

“sour gummy worms AND Y/N!!!”

so yeah, seungmin was #whipped

AND THE POETRY THING KSJGSKGJ ok hear him out

it was 4am and he had spent like 30 years studying for a chemistry test and he was stressed to the Max and just wanted to lay down

and when he lays down, his mind naturally turns to U

and in his sleep deprived state his mind was just . Mush .

so he dragged his body back to his desk and just ~wrote~

yeah, he couldn’t look you in the eye the next day but he got his feelings out.

he couldn’t help his crush on u, especially when u were in his group of friends

hyunjin, jisung, felix, seungmin, you, and jeongin

sound like chaos? because It Is.

u and seungmin have basically become the parents of this little friend group

“jeongin let me see what u have”

“a knife”

“NO”

and

“How did jisung get on the ceiling.”

“FELIX TOLD ME I COUDL BE SPIDERMAN”

“JISUNG GET THE FUCK DOWN”

of course, being the parents meant a lot of … Teasing

especially from hyunjin, bc he was the only one who knew about seungmin’s crush

hyunjin: so when’s the wedding :D

seungmin, halting his onion slicing: Excuse Me?

you: hehe whenever seungmin’s ready!!  i know he wants to go to law school first!!

seungmin, chopping onions at LIGHTNING SPEED: HAHAHA OKAY Y/N

you always said things like that and it made him JFKDJK

one time the others were teasing him bc he dyed his hair red and they kept calling him cherry and u just went:

“so WHAT if he looks like a cherry he’s my CUTE cherry” and u grabbed his hand and glared at everyone like -__________-

seungmins brain: WHW-WW LIPSTICK

seungmins heart: H UHU H MECEHRY

seungmins mouth: YOU- WHAT - HUH- ME?

and after that :(((( u started calling him cherry :((( even after he dyed his hair again :((

back to the main point: seungmin’s whipped and he doesn’t know how much longer he can take this but he Won’t Confess

hyunjin’s got a plan!

he calls it How Does Y/N Feel and he swears it’s a secret

it’s not, he wrote it on his whiteboard in pretty pastel markers

“what’s this plan of yours, sweetie?”

“MOM CAN U GET OUT IM A SECRET AGENT”

“ok mr secret agent come downstairs and eat your peas”

“MOM”

so basically his plan was to ask if u liked seungmin but hes VERY EXCITED ABOUT IT OK

“hey y/n~~~” he sang as he sat down next to you in geometry.

“jinnie!!! how are you today :D” ugh look at you, an angel.

“good, about to be better...or worse.”

“why?”

“i need to ask you something.”

“Ominous!”

“do you like seungmin?”

“ya.”

hyunjin: OUSUGH?

you: how did u say that out loud

“YOU LIKE SEUNGMIN-”

you slapped a hand over his mouth, “KEEP YOUR FUCKING MOUTH SHUT JESUS CHRIST-

i thought you knew i like him??? like...i’m not hiding it?”

hyunjin knew seungmin wouldn’t believe it if he just told him

so he was audio recording the whole thing on his phone :) what a sneaky dude

so after geometry ended he fuckign NYOOOMED to english

“SEUNGMIN SEUNGMIN SEUNGMING HSJG SJISEUGMGING”

“dude did u do crack or something holy shit-”

“SHUT UP LISTEN TO THIS.”

“if this is another one of your boyfriend’s songs i swear to god-”

but he put in hyunjin’s earbuds (not airpods) anyway

“t-this isn’t jisung….”

and he Listened

I Thought You Knew I Like Him.

“are u fucking with me jin. is this a fucking skit i swear to god if you're MESSING WITH ME-”

“they don’t even know i was recording them.” hyunjin giggled, the snake.

“oh so you’re a total douche.”

“i just did you the hugest favor and you just called me a douche...okay! friendship cancelled, give me my phone, put your stupid airpods back in-”

“don’t call them Stupid!”

“sorry, i can’t hear you, i don’t have my STUPID AIRPODS IN!”

seungmin couldn’t concentrate for the entirety of english

your words kept swirling around his brain, and he resorted to just doodling hearts on the margins of his papers.

and then he went to Chemistry!

there you were :((( in your cute little lab coat and safety goggles :(((

seungmin didn’t think anyone would ever pull off a lab coat and goggles like you did

“h-hey y/n…”

“hey cherry! ready to make some chemistry? :D”

he inhaled, knowing that there was a chance he was going to regret his next statement for the rest of his life:

“i think you and i already have enough chemistry.”

now it was ur turn to JKSGJKH

you flushed a bright pink, turning to your lab table to hide the shy smile growing on your face

“yeah?” your voiced cracked a little bit

and seungmin knew

“yeah.”

class went by quickly, with the two of you exchanging Looks before quickly looking away

and then you had lunch! and since you ate lunch together, you walked together

this time, You wanted to be the daring one

so you were walking through the halls side by side

and after a minute you just …. Held His Hand a little bit

and he squeezed your hand in return and your tummy felt like JAOGHNJ

then you entered the cafeteria and your friends’ eyes immediately went ZOOM on your interlocked hands

“W-W-W-WHAT IS THIS?” jeongin, the poor baby, spluttered

“are you out of the loop? they’re in love!” jisung was practically shooting heart eyes at the two of you

“no one tells me anything.” jeongin pouted

“are we Not In Love, jisung.”

“jinnie u know i love you but this is FRESH and it’s FUN let me ogle.”

“JISUGN???”

felix just smiled at you two, patting the space next to him, “i always knew this was gonna happen.”

“what are you losers talking about?” seungmin asked.

“yeah, nothing happened. seungmin and i are just friends.”

“you- just- HUH????”

“he hasn’t asked me out yet.” you shrugged, pulling your lunch box out of your backpack.

seungmin gasped, dropping your hand to cover his heart, “do i have to?”

“i deserve it, you animal. i’ve only been waiting since middle school.”

MIDDLE SCHOOL???

well, this was a shock.

“MIDDLE SCHOOL???”

“yeah? you kicked that dude in the shin for me. it was nice. no one’s ever done that for me before.”

“t-the shins? you started liking him over a shin kick, y/n?” felix deadpanned.

“i was like 13 can you shut the fuck up? i don’t just like him because he kicked a guy in the shins for me.”

“oh? why else do you like him?”

“we’re not having this conversation right now, jeongin.”

“oh hell yes we are.”

“SEUNGMIN??”

but he just :D at you and you were whipped so :///

“Okay! i like him because he’s...just a good guy. like he’s smart and he’s funny and he’s….really cute and he would probably kick jisung in the shin if i asked him to.”

“i would.”

“bet!”

“okay!”

“hey what no- OW SEUNGMIN!” jisung whined, pulling his leg up on the seat

“kiss it better jinnie-”

“jisung no.”

“JINNIE :((((“

you grinned, looking over at seungmin.

he was already looking, and you could practically See the heart eyes he was sending you.

did it make you super flustered? yeah. did you mind? not really.

“so,” you leaned in closer, speaking quiet enough so that your friends couldn’t hear over whatever they were yelling about this time, “you gonna ask me out or not?”

“i’ll walk you home?”

“i’ll be waiting.”

the rest of the day went by Painfully slow

but after your last class, there he was !!!!

and he was walking you home !!!

and he held your hand !!!!

“let me get something from my house real quick.” seungmin lived closer to the school than you did, so you always passed by his house.

you waited on the porch while he ran outside

he came back in a minute, flushed and holding a folded piece of paper.

“here.” he shoved the paper in your hand, taking your free hand in his and dragging you along.

“MINNIE let me read this!!!!” you whined.

he sighed, stopping on the sidewalk to let you read it clearly.

you had to reread a few lines because they were just so pretty.

you didn’t expect something like this from seungmin, he was usually so direct and not so flowery.

but it was beautiful.

“why are you crying WHAT’S WRONG IS IT BAD-”

“SEUNGMIN HHHHHHH” you launched yourself at him, wrapping your arms tightly around his waist.

and he held you just back as tightly.

“so uh. do you wanna like….go out with me or something?”

“yes, you big dummy. i would love to.”

[starbuck09256]

The bed you’ve made Part 2

Author Notes: I know I know I’m terrible person for not getting this out sooner. I’m so sorry. Life right? A huge thank you to @peacenik0 for fixing my terrible grammer and making sure this stays in character (grammer can slide but characterization is a big one for me). Thank you to all the wonderful peeps who said they wanted to read more, I love those notes and those totally fuel me through the day with positive energy. Ok so stop rambling and post the dang fic!

the ivf works but Mulder is sleeping with Diana.

Part 1 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183232727829/the-bed-youve-made Part 2 The bed you’ve made 

Scully leaves quickly with another chaste kiss on his cheek. That smile of hers is going to be imprinting on his brain. His cheek still tingles from her kisses. His penis still limp from his escapades with Diana. He closes the door. Letting his head rest against the oak door. Fuck he thinks. Diana says nothing gathering her things. The bra shoved under the side of his couch. She looks at him with those cold eyes of hers, he once thought he could seek solace in them, the darkness wrapping him up in a warm cocoon. What the fuck is he doing? What does he do? He told Scully, he fucking told her he didn’t want to change anything. How does a .002% chance work? He thinks of all the times she’s saved his ass, going to the north pole, pulling him out of that shit camper in the middle of nowhere, when they tried to upload him into a simulation. That’s how it works, every time they have a .002% chance of survival and somehow, someway, those odds are in their favor.

Diana stands silently waiting for him to break the tension in the room, with not the impatient sigh he is used to from Scully, not an accusatory tone or doubt creeping into her voice. Diana isn’t like Scully, not in looks, not in spirit, not in mind. After a few short years together, Mulder has seen inside Diana’s mind, she is cold and calculating in a way that shocked him at first. She showed him how simple it is to care and not care all at the same time. That people care only for themselves in that moment, and only if those feelings will benefit them long term.

Diana doesn't  bring any feelings into this, she probably didn’t have any the first time either, now that he thinks about it in a rational way. But she did have the intelligence, his weakness is smart women, women like Scully, Phoebe, not that they are anything alike. But damn if smart isn’t the sexiest thing to him. DIana is no exception to this so smart in execution, in planning, in every last detail. She doesn’t believe in .002% chances. She works each system and finds each loophole, each small flaw and strikes to her full advantage. She took the x-files because they were never going to give them back to him. Used her own leverage to play both sides. At least that's what she has told him. Another way to steer him towards her own agenda, he wanted to believe so bad that she came back for them, that one day after she had left and he felt destroyed that she would put him back together again the way the x-files had done the first time. She knew, god, she knew that he would do anything to keep the things that make him feel validated. Originally it was her, validating his beliefs that the paranormal might really be an explanation for it all, that the answers were hidden for them to find together, now she was using the same idea to keep them for herself. Anger had raged through him when he found out she had been assigned and not him and Scully. “fox, they weren't going to hand them back to you. After everything we went through to get them in the first place? Shouldn't at least one of us have them?” Almost like Scully in rationalizing her position. Scully doesn't rationalize being a traitor, stealing something away from him. Scully would fight tooth and nail for injustice. But scully like him doesn't have the files, Diana is holding them hostage. Using his love of mystery and intrigue to keep him close to her, keep him invested in their fucked up version of fuck buddies. She lets him hack into Spenders files, she brings over a case file while wearing  lingerie in his favorite color. What is her end game here? Split him up from Scully?

His precious Scully does she have lingerie like this deep navy with lace edges? Would Scully let him use her to his own selfish ends? Is he any better than the supposed man who is his real father? Using women to meet his own selfish needs, playing the odds to propel his own cause? IS he any better than Diana? Hasn’t he used his own mind games on Scully? Keeping her with him by using her own love for him against herself? He pulled that card in the hallway. Manipulated her feelings for him to give her false hope? Was it really false? Was he not working out some hidden desire to have his cake and eat it too? Have Scully and the x-files? What should he do now? Should he say nothing? Pray that Scully doesn’t come back, that she didn’t see the bra. That elation has blinded her extraordinary investigator skills, and buys him some time. He needs time. Diana touches his arm, it’s brief non-threatening, Diana is too good at this, good at making things seem as they are, pretending there is no deep agenda. He looks up at her, losing himself again in pools of black with specs of gold.

“I’ll see you later,” her voice soft and void of any emotion.

He use to love that about her, that she could separate herself so effortlessly. Scully shows emotion, she has rage and pain, fear and anger, and as of just now she has joy and love. How could he get involved with two women at the same time, after having  no one for six years? The world is cruel. He swallows hard opening the door for her to step out into the hallway. The hallway he almost kissed Scully. A kiss that luckily ended, because it was out of desperation, desperation to keep her by his side. Isn't that what he is doing with Diana now, using sex as a desperate plea for her to give him access?

Diana slips past, there is no kiss goodbye, no acknowledgement of what has happened. He groans as closes the door. He’s not sure what the next steps are, he’s not sure he wants to know. He thinks maybe sleep to use his dreams to once again answer his questions. Maybe that’s what has been going on now, he’s been dreaming of Scully, dreaming of a life together. Does he really want that? Or is he trying compensate for his own guilt? A life he doesn’t want or need, a life that might cost him the only thing Diana thinks he cares about. A child though is different, it's an answer he hasn't wanted to ask. What's at the end of the road? Where does this end and how badly does it hurt?

He is lucky, the weekend passes quickly, Scully doesn’t show up again unannounced. She gives him space, he isn’t sure that it’s good, he figures that his luck has clearly run out. She knows about Diana, and she is taking her time to come up with a way to let him out. But now all he thinks about is a daughter with her eyes, a son with his nose. A child with a stubborn loyalty who will be far too smart for their own good. He still doesn’t know what to do, what to say. Does he go to the appointments? Will he get to hear his childs heartbeat in her body. Will he be there to cut the cord? Will she let him? Does he want her to? Does he give up his quest, his crusade and lose sight of justice? What if he does, what if he gives it up and in 5 or 10 years it all shatters anyway because he didn’t bother to stop it? That the day comes while he is sitting in a parent teacher conference discussing why his child already knows how to dissect worms and speak Klingon. But the aliens knocking at the door are where the real fear should lie?

He groans pulling on his running shoes for the third time today. Maybe exhaustion will win out? Maybe their child will love the feel of the wind rushing pass as the sounds of their footfall hit the earth in cadence.

It’s Monday morning. He feels better, he has a plan he is going to play it cool. Take a play out of the Diana book. This is Scullys’ call, she can be the one to tell him what she’s looking for, what she wants from him, and he can hope that saying yes was enough, that she understood this was her decision and while he wants her to be happy he also won’t sacrifice himself. He brings Scully her favorite coffee and a blueberry scone. He wants to see that smile again, the one that lit up her whole face when she told him. He wants to feel her happiness radiating through his body, it’s almost as good as an x-file.

Diana is an issue though, one that he can’t ignore.  The file she slipped him yesterday was thrilling, a new case filled with his favorite things. Diana plays games in a way that makes phoebe look like a novice, she’s said nothing of seeing Scully as his house or the conversation, she left and only met him yesterday to give him a breadcrumb but still kissed him deeply. She is playing the same game as him, the wait and see if it works out game. Wait to let Fox fuck it up to let his guard slide. He wonders if this will be the catalyst for her to slip up as well. Will he finally see what her end game is? She was always a master at chess. When they met Gibson all he could think about is how Diana could beat him. Was this the surprised move that will make the queen fall. Will she need to sacrifice herself?

The crowded bullpen of agents on phones as fingers fly across keyboards, he steers clear trying to navigate the cramp quarters. Chatter reaching into his brain makes him miss the basement; the quiet mornings of coffee and crullers especially the sound of the slides clicking through the spindle.There she is in his favorite blue shirt, the one that makes her eyes sparkle slightly more her hair shine so brightly. Has she always looked so breathtaking? Has he been so consumed that he never bothered to notice?

Scully smiles and blushes all at once at him. He can’t help but smile back at her holding up the treats. As he walks to her desk, Mulder wonders what new literal crap Kersh has shoved down their throats this week. She looks up at him. Her eyes shining and her skin glowing in the terrible fluorescent lights.

“Hi,” she chuckles still blushing. You’d think she spent the whole weekend sprawled out in his bed.

“Hey,.. I uh brought you coffee.”  he mutters she looks up at him. Has she always smiled like that? Has it always made his heart melt like this. Is he sure this is a good idea? Can he really try to play it cool with her? The only person who sees through him like no one else?

“Is it ummm… decaf?” she whispers the last word. He is confused, they’ve had numerous discussions of decaf coffee being the most pointless thing on the planet, there is a time and place for decaf coffee; and that is never and in the trash. Her hand reaches out to his brushing it briefly.

“Let’s umm go for a quick walk huh? The fresh air will be good.” He follows her as she walks around a desk trying to look incompiscous but running into the edge of the table, biting her lip and groaning. He wants to reach out to her but she shakes her head. She points to the scone left in it’s little white bag on her desk. “Bring the scone, I’m starving.” he grabs it quickly as they head out.

They are sitting on the bench at the mall. The one they always sit at and debate flukeman and AI, where they’ve made the list of people they would come back and haunt if such things are possible. Kersh now in the top five for both of them. She is looking around nervously. He’s nervous too, he isn’t sure what to do, what they are. Why she would ever want to drink decaf? She reaches into the bag and takes a big hunk of scone. Originally he thought they would share like they always do but she is already ripping another large piece off as the sugar crystals scatter across her lips, oh pregnant right . He smiles softly.

“Sorry,” she mumbles between bites covering her mouth with her hand. He sighs looking around at the reflecting pool thinking of a time in this same place not so long ago when Diana said she needed to go to Europe to pursue their joint interest. A temporary assignment to find out what they knew from the inside. He wonders if that is what is going on now, or if the years have molded her resolve to their own agenda.

Scully’s warm hand lands on his arm. Bringing him back to the present. The cherry blossoms are blooming framing them on this small bench with years of meetings.

“where did you go?” her voice curious.

“just thinking about all the times we've sat on this bench.” he smiles at her, his inner struggles aside.

She takes a small sip of her coffee. “I'm going to miss this,” she gestures to the coffee. “no full lead for 9 months.” he shallows hard staring out at the reflection of blossoms dancing in the wind. “Mulder, I know it's a lot to process, and honestly I know that I probably took advantage of our unique relationship in asking you.” he waits trying to still play it cool as her fingertips grip his. She didn't take advantage he did, he agreed to something trying to keep a balance and now he's so unsure if he can handle the consequences. He wants to run away like when he was 12.

“What are you looking for here, Dana?” he knows he shouldn't use those words. He knows he is the one that brought this shit show home to roost. She sighs but doesn't release his hand. She is warm anchoring him here like she always has. He rubs his face with his free hand. He doesn't want to pull away from her.

“Ideally?” she asks, hesitant. He feels the nervous energy around them. It's so different now, they've never been really nervous with one another. He turns looks at her, as she licks her lips as she moves her head back to regard him fully.

“yea ideally.” He is curious. She used medical reasons to justify asking him, used her concerns of tampering as another. She takes a big breath. Breathing out slowly and biting her lip. He feels her anxiety, it's washing over her in waves.

“I would… god this is so hard.” She deflates closing her eyes. She turns fully pulling their hands into her lap. He laughs a little, his surefire partner who backs down from nothing. He reaches up touching her chin smiling at her urging her to continue. He needs these answers before he can deal with everything else. Where are we going with this Scully? What do you need? What can I do? What should I do? Direct me because I’ve done a terrible fucking job doing what I what. He hopes she answers his pleas. Hopes she understand that he needs more guidance than ever right now.  

“I want you involved in… well everything as much as you want to be” a smiles plays at her lips.

He sits back surprised.

“I would love it if you could be at the big appointments at least, maybe hold my hand.” She says sheepishly. “I'm scared, i have no idea how to do this and you always..”

She licks her lips again before swallowing hard. “you always center me, make me feel brave.”

He chuckles at her. He centers her, of all the things he has said and done he never imagined he made anyone feel centered. He sits back. He needs to think about what he wants needs to reassess. He needs time.

“when is your next appointment? And um what is it for?” his voice sounds stronger than he feels

She grins. “it's umm Thursday at 3 for the first ultrasound. It's umm a big one, we should be able to hear a heartbeat,” she finishes with a whisper.

He nods he stands up pulls her up with him. Tucks a strand of bright red hair behind her ear.

“I'll be there,”

that megawatt smile is back “really?” she questions, of course she does, she is Dana Scully but  he sees the joy shining through her.

“yea, I want to be there for that,” he says smiling.

She has tears in her eyes and she wraps her arms around him. Hugging him fiercely. She pulls back and kisses him. He hesitates but her lips are full and tender. She must sense his hesitation because she pulls back quickly. Muttering a sorry as she picks up the trash.

“sorry, that I'm just..” She trails off embarrassed. He is too.

“We should get back.” he mutters she nods. He follows her out of the park, but doesn't place his hand on her back. He has just complicated the shit out of his life. His phone rings and he remembers lunch with Diana a new source a new file, a quick fuck at her house. He tells scully in a scruffy voice.

“I have to take this, I'll see you later,” she nods turning quickly.

He knows she saw the name, and the look on her face proves she did see the bra on his floor. She knows he's with Diana. His lips still tingle with sweet sugar from her kiss and he isn't sure how to breathe anymore. As he watches her walk away he sees her shoulders slum as the elation from moments ago brushed off, and defeat takes over her familiar stride.

I’m not leaving it like this promise. 

Tagging the peeps who asked and some extras :)

@scully-eats-sushi @contrivedcoincidences6 @knuffelkontje @tngbabe @danaedaniels @itsclaucueva @sandymans-world @lappina @postmodernpromartheus @missmelimelis0900 @foxystarbucks @skinny-gillian @gwensghosts @wendyi111 @peacenik0 @monaiargancoconutsoy @marinafrenzy @improlificinsarcasm @today-in-fic

[thotteus-beaumont]

Lover’s Cross

Summary: "Cause now it seems that you wanted a martyr...Just a regular guy wouldn't do. But baby I can't hang upon no lover's cross for you” ~ Jim Croce. Pete Moore & Henry Devlin are both absolutely sure they have nowhere left to go but down...

Ship: Henry/Pete & background Jonesy/Beaver 

Words: 6,398

His father had once told a much younger version of Pete that ignorance was bliss. And when he’d asked him what ‘ignorant’ meant, he just smiled and handed him his orange juice. And as he usually did, Pete did not press the subject any further. Instead he’d sipped on his juice.

Pete had been feeling nostalgic lately. And not in the good way--no, this made him feel sick. His throat would close up and it would be impossible for him to catch his breath. He blinked, squeezing his eyes shut for a second or two as he continued walking up and down the kitchen area in his apartment. He pressed his thumb against the side of his nose. He was getting that feeling you get when you drink too much soda and the fizz sort of creeps uncomfortably at your nose, giving you a weird half-headache. Just a tiny echo of the usual hang-over he’d wake up with. 

This Tuesday morning there was no real hang-over...just the phantom memory of one that his brain put on because the feeling of waking up without one was just too uncomfortable.  

He shot Jonathan down at least a good 4 times before the man had somehow wormed his way into Pete’s affectionate heart. Coming up on a year in just a few short days and Jonathan was standing in their apartment and calling-in sick to excuse them from a nice Holiday work party at his office. 

Pete scraped his thumbnail down his lip and thought about how the speed-limit for the busy street near them had gone down some but the yellow car he spotted through the large window didn’t seem to care. 

“Done is done.” Jonathan flung the home-phone onto the couch and looked up with an expectant face. 

“Do you want a ‘thanks’? I didn’t ask you to do that-” Pete went on the defensive but that only seemed to piss his boyfriend off. 

“But I had to do it. Ain’t worth a shit if you say thanks or not, Pete. Tender is the night, babe and I can’t have you inebriated in front of my co-workers again and turning that mood into...that." He vaguely gestured to Pete with an exhausted sense of familiarity. 

“I was barely drunk, John. No one noticed-” 

“Janine asked me if you were in A.A., Pete!” Jonathan sighed with restrained irritation. Pete fell silent and turned away from the conversation. “Look, I know that you’re trying...I know that-” 

Pete pursed his lips together. “For your sake. I don’t personally think it’s a problem, John. You want me to drink a little less, yeah-I can do that, no problem. But swearing it off entirely just because your secretary thinks two beers is A.A. worthy?” 

Jonathan groaned and leaned against the small counter. “You had more than two and you Goddamn know that so I won’t pick on that comment.” He rolled his eyes and ignored Pete’s returned gesture. “Do you really want me to be doing this for you for ever?” 

Pete turned on his heels and cocked his head to the side. 

“Meaning, having to pick you up from parties you can’t drive yourself home from, take care of you because you won’t do it yourself? Goddamn defend your actions to my concerned co-workers?” Jonathan waved his arms about and shook his head. “For every night you spent sober and laughing with me, there were at least six nights spent with me worrying about whether or not I’ll have to keep turning you on your side so you don’t choke on your vomit!” 

Pete blinked away some stress tears, a habit he seemed to have picked up from ol’ Jonesy, who was bound to flow some out whenever he got too passionate. It could be a stream just as strong as Beaver’s road-side pisses. “If I make you so miserable, than yeah I’d rather you leave.” 

John let out one of those incredibly frustrated groans again. “Pete, I’m not accusing you of trying to make my life hell-”

“But it’s exactly what you’re saying-” Pete stepped forward and made eye contact with his boyfriend, who looked to be at some sort of tipping point. 

“Not it’s fucking not!” John had somehow managed to take the few steps needed to being face-to-face with Pete. “I just want you to get better.” 

Pete shook his head. “Won’t be hard considering, I’m fine. I don’t have a problem.” 

John shocked them both by raising his hand and slapping Pete across the face. The sound was a loud and horrible smack of hot skin. 

Pete recovered instantly yet slowly at the same time. He raised his face again and made dreaded eye contact. “Get out.” 

John stepped back and swallowed. “I’m so fucking sorry, Pete. I just-...You’re right. I should go.” he seemed to give up on this justification and started walking around their apartment. With Pete’s watchful and conflicted eyes following his every move. 

He packed himself an over-night bag and stopped just as soon as he hit the kitchen. “Listen Pete, I love you. I just want you to be healthy but I won’t fight for this love if you won’t at least...meet me in the middle.” 

Pete pursed his lips and shrugged. John soaked that ‘answer’ in and lifted his bag from the table. “Ok, well...I’m gonna stay over at a friends. Give you some space.” 

Pete still didn’t speak and watched the guy shut the door behind him. “Fuck.” was all he muttered as he glided his way towards the phone sitting on the coffee-table. He dialed quickly and tapped his fingers against his side. 

“Hello-”

“Beaver, can you come over, buddy?” Pete tried not to let the anxiety bleed into his voice but the Beav was always unusually great at knowing how all his friends felt by just like 3-words. 

                          ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beaver Clarendon, 5′6 and with a bead of sweat dripping down his temple against that long hippie-hair, stepped inside with happy determination. There was a jar of fresh peanut-butter in his hand and the mission for him now was to find two clean spoons. 

Pete felt mounds of stress leave his body just from seeing his pal. He solemnly followed the man and took a seat at the counter to wait. 

“My Spidey-Sense was correct, Pete.” Beaver wiggled one of the spoons and pulled up a stool across from Pete, even though Pete knew those kinds of chairs bothered him. Beav continually slouched in life but a little back support helped a little. Pete lifted a brow and opened the jar. “I told Jonesy that we would need to buy an extra jar.” He smiled with pride. 

Pete chuckled and broke the perfect top of the butter with his spoon and ate a full on glob. “I think I fucked up something great, Beav.” He swallowed, with struggle, and bite into his cheek. “Even when I think things are gonna be ok--hell, maybe good--some part of me has to lose anyway.”

Beaver frowned and opened his mouth. 

“Jonathan left. Say’s he’s concerned about me but he got all kinds of frustrated with me and slapped me across the goddamn face. A total fuckarow.” He shook his head.  

Beaver rolled his lips and looked as if he wasn’t sure how to bring up what he wanted to say. “Did a specific incident cause his ‘string-to-break’?” 

Pete would’ve been a little offended if this had been maybe Jonesy or Henry-- and even so not much with them either--but the Beav was gentle. “If you’re asking if I got drunk and did something stupid, answer’s no.”

Beaver nodded. 

“The answer is I got drunk and did several stupid things throughout the entire relationship, if you ask John.” Pete scoffed and licked the spoon as Beaver went in for a large scoop. 

“And if I ask Pete Moore?” Beaver gave a gentle smirk. 

“He’s overreacting.” Pete frowned. 

Beaver hummed and took the liberty of feeding Pete a larger spoonful of the peanut-butter with his own utensil, which Pete knew was his way of preparing him for hard words. He didn’t mind so much if they came from the Beav so Pete cleaned the spoon and watched him settle it back down on the counter. 

“He shouldn’t have slapped you. I hate that shit.” He shook his head, straying black hairs flew about him. “But...-” Beaver looked up with wide eyes which said ‘Please, don’t make me say it.’ 

Pete rolled his shoulders back. 

“I can be frank, Pete, if that’s what this calls for. I don’t want to be but--Hell, I’ll be goddamn Elmo from the Muppets and give you a reason why you should stop drinking starting with each letter of the alphabet, if I thought it would help-”

“Elmo was from Sesame Street.” Pete took another dip into the jar.  

“Same thing.” Beaver chuckled and rolled his eyes. “A is for-”

“A.A.?” Pete scowled and Beaver felt a burning in his stomach. 

“I was going to say, A is for Apple Juice comes in a cuter package but...” Beaver stuck his tongue out and enjoyed Pete’s little grin. “I say we invite the gang over for dinner? I can whip something up with whatever you got here.” Beaver hopped off the stool and began going through the cabinets. 

“Beer?” Pete made the snide and self-deprecating joke and Beaver hummed. 

“Take that attitude and use it to chop up this Onion, please.” He tossed the vegetable and almost nailed Pete in the eye. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The night was a trying one for Rhonda. The home was practically dead apart from the terribly busy sounding quick taps of a keyboard in the other room. And though it was a soft sound, it didn’t stop it from slowly driving her insane. Her stomach turned from the mixture of anger and nerves that were boiling inside her. 

So instead of slamming her head into her palms and letting out the emotions, she composed herself. She sat straight and tall, threading her slim fingers together. She copycatted those relaxing breaths Henry had once taught her. 

Rhonda rarely treated herself, as Henry tried to tell her many times. Though he was never quite able to put it so lovingly. Where she was soft, he could be so blunt. And it went both ways. However tonight while her anxiety was running it’s high fever, she decided to pour a glass of wine for herself and Henry, whenever he decided to come into the room. As it poured, she tapped her nails in a small beat on the counter.

Just as the last drop splashed in the glass, she heard the door to their office close gently. She hated the way it made her grin with pride. Like just getting out of that room should be applauded. That sound was tragically one of her favorites. It either meant that Henry was giving himself a break from throwing himself into his work or he was feeling joyful enough for husband-wife activities. Either way, she’d be met with him again and instead of pondering why they were even still together. But soon, she wouldn’t have to do that anymore...

“Did you sign the divorce papers?” She tipped her chin and frowned at Henry, who looked exhausted. 

He scratched the back of his neck and sighed. “I will, I promise. I just-”

“It’s just a signature, Henry.” She didn’t want to push him, even still after their bickering, but she felt strongly that things would be better once it was done. “Did we not come up with this decision together?” 

Henry swallowed. “We did, Rhonda. I know that and I will get to it.” He urged her with genuine eyes, she softened. 

“Bridges burn when people joined by them have changed, Henry. You told me that and now it’s about us.” Rhonda felt her stomach roll. “I want to burn this bridge. Go back to a relationship where I don’t feel like your martyr. Friends.” 

Henry nodded. “So do I, Ronnie. Believe me. I never met for this...-look, It’s just hard to accept that I couldn’t make this marriage work.” 

 Rhonda looked up at him with curious eyes and asked a question which had been plaguing her mind for several months now. “Is it my fault that your depressed? It seems like our relationship-”

Henry didn’t let her finish. “Don’t do that to yourself, Ron. It ain’t you. It’s me.-”

“You never seemed to want to be close enough with me.”

“Not just you, Ronnie. I just don’t think I’m wired that way, that’s what the ol’ Doc says anyway.” Henry tapped his own temple and she rolled her eyes. 

“You can’t just consult yourself, Henry. I’ll say that for the last time.” She sipped her glass of wine. “It’s just...watching you fade inside yourself these past months has been painful for me too. Seeing yourself pull-out of it for your friends but not me-”

“Rhonda, it ain’t like I just up and cure myself for them. That’s not how it works-”

“No they cure you, for the while you’re with them. It’s not something I could ever do, huh? Lift the darkness for a little bit.” She shrugged and blinked down at the counter. Henry didn’t say anything else. “By the way, Beaver called. He wants you to come over to Pete’s for dinner. Says it’s an emergency.” She cocked her head towards the answering machine. 

Henry felt so horribly guilty, knowing he’d be leaving for them instead staying for Rhonda. He couldn’t help it. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Beaver had been able to brief Jonesy on the situation, considering he picked up with the home-phone they shared. But Henry hadn’t answered so he just gave Rhonda vague details and hoped to catch him right at the door to speed him through Pete’s day. 

The thing about them was, well the five of them--Douglas, Pete, Beaver, Jonesy & Henry--were the closest best friends in the world. 

Jonesy and Beaver had hooked up around high-school, maybe early Junior year? And been a couple ever since. 

Henry and Pete...they’d been entertaining to watch. Sure, they started hooking up a bit before the other two but they had just never said anything about it so it’d been shocking to find out. It was kind of a strange off-and-on thing. Then they’d sort of became a legit couple for a good while only to break up around the beginning of Henry’s first college year. But there was never any bitterness carried between them. They were still best friends. 

And so Henry married Rhonda and Pete had fling after fling until he landed on that Jonathan fellow. 

“He slapped him?” Henry whisper-yelled to Beav as he took off his jacket by the front-door. Jonesy and Pete were joyfully bickering about some horror movie that Jonesy was trying to beg him to watch. Henry peeked over Beaver’s head. “I gotta talk to him about this-”

“Hey I didn’t stick the dime in ya so that you could throw Pete a ride. I just told you so that you would know enough to make the night better. Without directly talking about it just yet.” Beaver waved his hands around. 

Henry rolled his eyes but suddenly surged forward and stuck his hand into Beaver’s jacket pocked to produce a physical and literal dime. “Hey!” 

Henry smirked. “Too late, Beav. Dime’s already in the slot and the ride is coming. But I’ll wait, ok? You can’t ask me not to talk to him about this. We’re all going to have to at some point.” Henry frowned and Beaver nodded with understanding eyes.

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Get off!”

Jonesy shrieked as he wrestled Beaver who’d just pulled his finger from his mouth and was ready to stick it into Jonesy’s ear. Only, when they heard Pete coming back from the kitchen, they paused.

Jonesy took the chance to kick Beaver off, knocking the tiny man over the back of the couch and onto the floor. “Bitch-in-a-buzzsaw!” He whined. 

Pete chuckled and plopped down teasingly onto Henry’s lap in the arm-chair he liked so much. It wasn’t an uncommon thing at all for any of the four of them to be affectionate like that with each other. 

But Beaver knew it would only make Henry want to speak about the situation again. Henry was far too soft on Pete and for him, that meant he wanted to bluntly offer help. 

“So, you think Jonathan is coming back...tomorrow?” Henry asked, gently. The room suddenly filled with tension as Beaver still laid flat against the floor on his back. 

Pete frowned and wiggled a little in Henry’s lap. “Probably. What he’s going to do, I don’t know. Part of me thinks the break-up is inevitable but...man, I don’t know that I could afford this place without him.” He chuckled, like it was funny but no one else joined in. “Tough crowd. Look guys, I’ll be fine.” Pete shoved himself off of Henry and stood. “I don’t need the pity.” 

Jonesy gave him a look of genuine love. “It’s not pity, Pete. We just love you-”

“And think I’m a drunk, yeah.” Pete laughed bitterly and went to lean against the kitchen counter. 

Henry desperately wanted to come back at Pete with how they just wanted to help him but he figured it would only serve to piss him off. There’d have to be a way to ease him into the ‘help’ discussion. 

“Hey, if worse comes to worst, I could move in with you and help out.” Henry copied the laughter and felt the concern turn on him; exactly what an exhausted Pete needed. “Divorce papers gonna be signed soon-” He selectively explained without mentioning he was the one stalling it. “File that in the ‘pity’ section of your memory warehouse.” He tipped his chin to Jonesy as he stood as well. 

Pete frowned deeply and felt a rush of relief that surely made him feel guilty. 

“How’s Rhonda feeling about everything?” Jonesy sat up straighter and Beaver finally picked himself up off the ground. He placed his ass right on the edge of the couch’s top, near where Jonesy’s head was. 

Henry shrugged. 

“How are you feeling?” Beaver adds, scooting over slightly so Jonesy could lean his head against his lower-back...grossly adorable. 

Henry bit into his cheek and reminded himself that he’d asked for this turn of attention. He thought about the newly-noticed feeling of walking the floors of his home as if it were just some small town he was passing through on a longer journey. “I’m fine. Managing everything.” was the answer he decided to go with. 

It did not impress any of them.

                      ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A small glass of perfume sat on a dresser. It was the small and delicate glass with a large daisy stopper blocking any leakage.

It sat there, absolutely still, as a pair of hands quickly picked and pulled from the array of products sat around it. But with that speed came clumsiness and the hands just darted to fast on the pull-back of his watch and down came the bottle. Knocking it off the counter and revealing the ring of dust that had been living underneath it.

Henry paused for a moment before peeking over the lip of the dresser to find the tiny bottle. The rounded broken piece was rolling just the slightest bit while the rest of the tiny shards bathed in the small puddle of the scent leaking out.

Henry had given that perfume to Rhonda as a small Valentine’s Day gift about a year ago. Kneeling down, he intended to start cleaning the mess up but he hesitated. The tip of his finger laid frozen in the burgundy puddle as a wave of emotion fell upon him. He’d been holding back on truly coming to terms with what his mind and body ached for. But looking at the old shattered gift on their hardwood floor...the gate was opened without his permission.

A flood of tears finally broke past his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, the heat from her previous restrain could almost burn his skin. He thought about the time one of his ‘work friends’ said he couldn’t imagine Henry ever crying, he seemed far too straight-headed for it. Henry didn’t really know what that meant. 

But in this instant he was near hysterical. His breathing was rapid and short as it became harder for him to push-back the devastation. More then anything in his life he wanted to call Pete, Beav or Jonesy...Douglas would always be able to make him smile. He wanted to hear their voices. But at the same time he was desperate to shove them away from this side of himself entirely.

The palm of his hand curled over his mouth in an attempt to block some of the sound from breaching the thin walls of their home. He did not want Rhonda to her any bit of this breakdown, she didn’t need to see him so...sad. It would just be too hard for them and she didn’t need anymore stress so Henry just needed to be strong, he was usually extremely good at that. It was enough that he’d been allowing this to burn his insides. There’d be nothing more now.

A deep breath or two and he was off the floor and on his way to collect the dust-pan and broom.

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“What are you doing?” Pete squinted as he walked briskly to the front of his apartment building where Jonathan was sat, hands shoved in his pockets. He’d been gone for a good week. 

“I wanted to see you and....-” He pointed his thumb at the door behind him. “I’m locked out of the building.”

Pete rolled his eyes and got his own key from his pocket as John stood and followed behind him. “Where’s your key? You should still have it....where did you end up staying by the way?”

The man behind him went quiet again in that eerie way could really freak Pete out sometimes. “Forgot it here. And I um...-I went to Marty’s.”

Pete nodded and worked on getting inside the building and strolling on up to the apartment that should still be referred to as theirs. 

“I thought maybe enough time had passed for us to try talking again.” John swallowed nervously and allowed Pete to escort him inside their place. “I actually tried coming by last night but you weren’t here so I went to that place-umm...Sully’s.” 

He shrugged like it was no big deal but he knew for certain that it was an explosion waiting to happen. Pete looked at him with fury as they got to his door.

“You went to the bar to look for me?” He glared and it felt as if his stomach was suddenly tied in a huge knot.

“You can’t blame me!” He went straight into defense and followed the man further into the lonesome apartment. The air grew with tension as his partner chose not to speak and instead went about the place doing small clean-ups. This only made John feel even more angry. “You honestly can’t blame me.”

“I’m not some sorry man that you need to look out for, John.” He suddenly turned from his position at the sink. “I don’t go out drinking just because we had a fight. You make me sound like such a...-loser. Do you realize how belittling it is that you consistently treat me like that?” He threw down a dish-towel and swallowed a lump in his throat.

“I’m just stressed so I worry. Give me a break.” John ran his hand through his hair and sat down on the couch, hoping that the fight would ease up.

“This is just not a good time for us, John.” 

John opened and closed his mouth, deciding to just tilt his head back and sigh. “I don’t think it’s a good time for you.” 

Pete scowled at that comment and looked freshly betrayed yet again. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jonesy was in the midst of the most vivid dream he’d had since he was fifteen, when two or three wet-dreams about Beaver had ushered him into manhood and repressed homosexuality. 

But this was the most horrible dream he’d ever experienced. Nothing came close to the sickening feeling it brought. 

A deep sense of hot-dread ran through the stained-glass universe and burned Jonesy to his sheets. He was aware of that fact. He was dreaming but he couldn’t quite escape it. It felt thin but thick enough to pull his consciousness back into it every-time the need to wake felt strong. 

He could still feel those silky sheets that he shared with Beaver against the sweat on his back but he could also see a hallway filled with pictures in front of him. Something in his mind knew that he was home...enough so that those sheets sticking to his back started to feel like the dream. 

He shuffled across the hard-wood in knitted socks and didn’t make it very far before he suddenly appeared in the office. His office? Henry’s offfice. 

The Jonesy that still laid in bed with the Beav twitched in his sleep as the Jonesy standing in Henry’s body shook himself. He was just standing in him? A looker. One that Henry apparently couldn’t feel. 

He could smell the ink and coffee coated cups lingering around the place. There was a drawer cracked open, a lock that would usually keep it closed was on the desk, and inside was a shot-gun. Not used, barely touched, just laying there against some forgotten patient notes...deadly ironic, Jonesy thought.  

Jenry; Jonesy could chuckle at thinking of this being as such a name but something devastated his body and mind too quickly.

He was being dragged along a potential suicide attempt. 

It was horrifying and inescapable. His bed was so near yet so far off in another world. He didn’t want to go back to it though. He couldn’t rest a wink if he thought this was real. 

Some part of his brain screamed out ‘Dial 1-800-HENRY’ but nothing came to be...

He woke up in an instant, hand coked in a gun-shape against his temple--He screamed and sat up, looking next to him to see Beaver with the same gesture to his temple. 

Jonesy shoved him, hard. Beaver nearly fell off the bed and screamed for himself. “Fuck me Freddy! You almost gave me a heart-attack.” 

“Did you have that dream?” Jonesy wasted no time but Beaver just looked clueless as ever. 

“What dream!?” 

Jonesy sighed, skin still burning and wet. He felt another rush of devastation and was haunted by the image of him & Beaver; asleep, side by side, with matching fake ‘hand’-guns to their temples. “Get up.” 

:

:

:

Henry answered the door in his boxers and a long sweatshirt that was most definitely a last minute addition before answering the door. He was dazed but awake. That was enough to chill Jonesy. 

While he took in the fact that his best friend was in fact, ok and alive, Beaver rushed to Henry’s phone and called up Pete. 

“Is Rhonda here?” Jonesy choked out some words finally and pushed himself inside fully, trailing after a confused Henry. 

“No. She’s staying with a friend.” Henry shrugged and padded about the hardwood with his arms crossed. “What’s with the late-night visit?” He asked, casually. 

Part of Jonesy now felt stupid. Maybe the dream really had just been a...dream. And he was being completely ridiculous by coming over. His brain was waking up with the white-noise of TV static. 

Beaver approached from their side and wiggled in his pajama pants. “Yeah. What’s going on, Jonesy?” 

:

:

:

He waited until Pete came about to fully explain the situation at hand, carefully choosing his words as to try not to freak anybody out or...embarrass Henry. 

The man tipped his chin down and sighed as if he were far beyond the year in life he currently was. He scratched the back of his neck and tried to ignore the concerned and painful looks from his friends. “Look...” 

That one word was confirmation enough. The three of them sank into their seats and each felt a horrid wave of deep pain. 

“I’ve fallen into this...-intense depression.” He tried to calmly explain the one thing he had never planned on telling them. “Don’t ask me exactly when it started, I’m not sure but...I was always ok at taking it day-by-day, y’know?” He rolled his lips together and felt his brain go on and on; ‘What’s wrong with me, Doc?’

“This whole thing with Rhonda has...well it’s not helping much.” He bitterly chuckled. “I just wanted to make it work. But it ain’t goin’ my way. Hell, sometimes I don’t want to get outta bed...” 

Beaver looked positively sick to his stomach. 

“But I’m better with you guys...always better.” Henry finally looked up and happened to lock eyes with Pete. There was a rush of affection for the younger man who was going through a special pain all his own. 

Pete was the first to shoot over and basically fall into Henry’s lap, wrapping those long arms around his anxious body. Beaver and Jonesy followed in seconds. 

They were one sad little dog-pile...

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jonesy wouldn’t take no for an answer. He insisted that Henry move in with Pete after the divorce papers were signed. Rhonda was going to take the home and he was on his own, which was no struggle considering the money he made, but money wasn’t the center problem. 

Mental fucking health was. SSDD. A mantra....that always helped.

Jonathan was fully moved out by that point and Pete never confirmed their state but it was pretty obvious what had happened. 

Douglas had called Henry’s home phone shortly after that dog-pile had ended. He brightened the room with his voice all the way from back in Derry. “Ennie!” He’d cried happily, always knowing exactly when he was needed. He’d called to check on him...Their best pal was a better man than all of them, inside-and-out...and they would always feel this way. 

Henry knew it was the right thing to do, moving in with Pete. Maybe it’d give him a chance to talk about the drinking topic again...

“Remember that time, Junior Year, you got one of your flickers and we were trying to hook-up in my old car and I banged my head on the steering-wheel and then you accidentally elbowed us into reverse?” Pete asked as he set down a smaller box onto the counter...their counter. 

Henry chuckled. ‘Flickers’. That had been the word they’d ended up using to describe the rare moods in-which Henry found he wanted to do something...sexual. He just wasn’t the kind of person who felt comfortable doing things like that. It was part of the reason Rhonda thought he was repulsed by her...or that she wasn’t good enough because they’d only get ‘sexy’ once every sixth months or more. 

But back when he and Pete were...-not dating, they’d never referred to it like that...but...being with each-other....he understood. Pete always understood Henry in a way that no one else could. 

Pete Moore never cared that Henry wasn’t interested in sex, nor dating. It had been complicated, for sure, what they’d been in those days. More than friends sometimes but never a couple.

It was just that they kinda slept with each other pretty rarely--at least once for each year in high-school--and occasionally cuddled closely or held hands in private. 

Again, complicated. 

“Oh yeah.” Henry chuckled. “Man, we were pretty stupid back then.” 

Pete rolled his eyes. “I was. Still am. You were far from it and that still stands now.” He curled his hand around the fridge door and grabbed a bottle of beer, purely out of instinct, if Henry had to guess. He plopped down onto his couch and smiled, no teeth. 

“Who’s helping who here, Pete?” Henry fell onto the spot next to him, arm on the back of the seat and one leg over the side. His eyes fell on the bottle which was still sweating in his best friends hand. Pete tried to pull away, both physically and mentally which was common in confrontations like this. 

But Pete wasn’t a patient. So Henry was free to gently lean over towards the floor and scoop up the mans legs and rest them over his lap as he scooted closer. With a wave of affection, Henry adjusted them both comfortably and patted Pete’s legs. 

“Before he left, John got super pissed and said I was a burden.” Pete set the bottle down but kept his longing eyes on it. “I know that’s true.”

Henry sighed, tipping his chin to the ceiling. He gathered some courage and looked back to Pete. “Maybe to him, Pete. Just the same as I became one for Rhonda.” 

“That fucking sucks. You’re great at this, buddy.” Pete chuckled and looked back to his bottle on the table. 

Henry slapped Pete’s leg. “But we’re not burdens to each other and we’re gonna help each other.” He gripped his leg harder now and spoke in a genuinely heart-felt tone. “And we’ve got Beaver and Jonesy for support-”

“Beav’s gonna spend all his money on peanut-butter for us sad-sacks, huh?” Pete wiggled his legs and suddenly looked extremely exhausted. 

                         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took four-weeks of fighting for Henry to convince Pete to go to at least one A.A. meeting. With the promise of the compromise that Henry make an appointment with a nearby therapist. 

He really hated that idea. It made his skin crawl with embarrassment. ‘Hey, Doc. Me? Oh, I’m a Psychiatrist who apparently can’t handle his own problems.’  

He’d have to tough it out though because Pete Moore was doing his best to explain that he could just stop drinking on his own....actually, the explaining was more like begging. It made Henry feel a mixture of guilt and devastation that his friend seemed so desperate to avoid the help. 

Henry drove him to the meeting and did his best to calm him. But it was hard when for a moment in his passenger seat, Pete was back to being fifteen. Juvenile, joyful and without a dent in his innocence yet. 

Henry had to blink a few times to ease that anxiety hiccup. “Different shit today, Pete. I know.” He put the car in park once they hit the lot and rested his heavy palm on the man’s knee. “But soon enough, it’ll become the new SSDD and then I’m telling you, Pete, I promise...”

Pete looked over at him with a terrified face. 

“It won’t be shit at all anymore. You won’t have to struggle to get through a day without drinking. You won’t dread the meetings...” Henry vaguely gestured to the building. “You’ll be able to grow from this.” 

Pete let out a long sigh and deflated into his seat, looking towards the building with a mixture of hatred and longing. “When’s your appointment?” He tilted his head. 

“Thursday. You can drive me.” Henry lightly pinched Pete’s arm. 

                        ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

{A Month Later}

“Hey, call it!” Pete flicked his thumb and flicked a coin into the sky with a bright smile on his face. 

“Tails!” Beaver shouted from across the room. 

“You always pick tails.” Jonesy rolled his eyes. “Heads!” He chuckled. 

The gang had been called to meet at Henry & Pete’s apartment with the promise of a home-cooked meal and a good time. They were currently shoved into the living room and flipping to see which of the two were going to do the dishes. 

Pete caught the coin and flipped it blindly onto the back of his palm. He glanced down at it but let several seconds pass in silence. Henry smirked to himself and tried not to beam at his friend. 

“Jesus-Christ-bananas, tell us! I’m dying.” Beaver slapped his hands onto the counter.

Instead of speaking, Pete shyly slid the coin over to them. 

It was red rather than silver and Jonesy & Beaver were met with no head or tail. Instead, the coin was showing a triangle which read ‘1 Month Recovery’

“They gave it to me yesterday-”

Beaver didn’t wait to hear the end, instead he hopped over the couch and into Pete’s arms. Thank god he was so tiny. Jonesy was quick to follow, just with a more gentle attitude. 

When they pulled off, Henry proudly kissed Pete’s temple like it was something he did fairly often. Pete felt a rush of heat in his cheeks. “Lord, I will never drink again!” He beamed and Norman-Normal flew from his attitude as he pulled Henry in to kiss him on the lips. 

The gang broke into hysterical laughter and enjoyed their great sense of pride. 

                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” Pete mumbled as he served Henry his best cooked meal, a bowl of buttered noodles. 

“Hmmm?” Henry looked up with soft eyes. 

“I’m so proud of you for going to those appointments. We all are.” Pete sniffled and sat down across from him. “Jonesy was about the scaredest I’ve ever seen him that night of his dream. We all fucking were.”

Henry rolled his lips together and sucked in a noodle or two. 

“Henry, the five of us...we need each other and if you-” Pete broke off with embarrassment. 

Henry laid his hand atop his and gently rocked their grip. “I know, buddy. I know.” He felt a little choked up himself now too.  

“You don’t know it all-” Pete swallowed and blinked about a hundred times to try and get rid of the tears. He laid his fork on the table, breathed deeply and held eye contact. “I love you, Henry....I’m in love with you.”

Henry sat back on his seat and smiled. “Oh Pete...” He chuckled. 

“Don’t laugh, asshole.” Pete scowled but in good-nature. Both knew that if he were straight-up rejected, Pete would still try and laugh it off. 

Henry leaned over the counter and caressed his cheek. Pete leaned into his hand with longing and second-guessing eyes. “It’s always been you.” 

Pete let out a tiny little hiccup and smacked his own hand against the one on his cheek. “I should fucking hope so.” 

[thesilverdragoon]

The First Night

“Too far, walk too far...so tired. Uughhhhh...” Puffy swung limply from side to side as he hung off the front of Vesevont’s chest, sticking out of his unbuttoned coat.

“Too far? You’re not even the one walking there!” The knight scowled as he gazed upwards towards the canopy of autumn-colored trees.

“Too faaaaaarrrr...”

Going from Limsa Lominsa all the way to Dravania indeed was a long trip. But so long as he could still make it, he would continue to do so. Besides, all the exercise was good for him anyway.

If anything, it all made him miss flying just that much more, which had already been quite a lot.

“Where go? Saw...saw a tower. In head. Yes, we go? What is?” “Anyx Trine. It’s a big tower on the northwestern edge of the woods here, where dragons live.” “DRAGONS?!” Puffy ‘stood up’ now, before retreating into the coat again fearfully. “Scary. Scaaaryy.”

Ves rolled his eyes, “They’re not.” “No?” “...Well… I mean,” He couldn’t help but think back to the entire conversation he had had with Evie. SEVERAL of the conversations as a matter of fact.

Were dragons really so different? “...No...they’re not...once you get to know them, for the most part. There’ll always be some bad ones though. Just like people,” He explained, keeping his gaze focused ahead of them. “It’s just like that.”

“Oh. Well...ok. No eat though.” “No...no eat.”

They walked on for a while longer, until the sun began to set. Once they made it over the hill, the massive tower of dragons stood before them, reaching high into the sky. A distant roar came from it, answered by several others.

Puffy shivered but Ves seemed to be calm. The worm could feel that much. Maybe it was ok. “...Don’t come out yet. I’ll tell you when.” “Ok. Ok. Ok ok ok ok ok ok.”

A wyvern flew overhead gazing downwards as the knight approached. It didn’t stop. It knew that smell, as did they all.

Some of the whelps peered around corners or from behind their mothers tails. Others roosting high above on ledges and alcoves too looked on at their guest. The inside of the tower was always noisy with hums and low growls and snorts. To many, it was unnerving. A den of flying, sometimes element-breathing beasts, both with wings and without.

To Ves however, it was a home away from home.

“The little knight of Ishgard returns.” One of the brood mothers said in greeting, though, it was more a simple acknowledgment than anything else. “We thought perhaps you had finally decided to run. Why have you returned?” “He’s come looking for the hatchling that has outgrown his nest, no doubt.” Another wyvern hissed from the dark, higher above. Some others chimed in with their agreement.

Ves glanced at them for a moment, before responding, “I am, yes.” “And so he is,” The brood mother’s lips curled back into a snarl, though no sound other than her voice came through. “He is on the upper level, as indignant as ever, though grounded. He’s been absolutely insufferable since, despite his pride being crushed as his bones have.” The news didn’t make Ves feel any better. At least Sihl was still alive though. He nodded and proceeded towards the stairs, traveling the long way up to the next floor.

Puffy peeked through a hole in the metallic prosthetic, watching the flickering lights from the torches mounted on the wall as they passed by them. But he said nothing.

Upon entering the second level, Ves could already hear the complaining.

“STOP POKING ME- IT’S NOT HELPING-” “Whelp, I have done this for centuries, LONG before you were even a mere THOUGHT in your sire’s pebble sized brain.”

Ves almost breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing it really. Though, he could feel Puffy coiling up even tighter than normally.

He moved through the tower until he was out on the balcony.

“It appears you have a visitor.” “A WHAT?” Sihl swung his head and looked behind himself, before letting out a startled squawk and pushing himself up frantically, like a dog that just got called to have its dinner.

He slid to a stop in front of the knight, glaring down at him. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN??”

Ves squinted. “Recovering. Like you it seems.” Sihl’s wings held this very droopy appearance as they dragged behind him. They were shaped a little funny, but that was due to all the bone being displaced. Some of it had been mended, though, he had much more progress to make. “I was NOT. None of them know when to leave me alone. I can fly right out of here myself if I so CHOOSE.” The other dragon looked on, not amused in the slightest. Rather than stay, she hissed and approached the ledge, jumping off and taking to the sky.

The knight raised a brow. “Are you sure?” “DO I LOOK UNSURE TO YOU?” Sihl screeched angrily, stamping one of his claws into the stone.

“Alright… alright, stop yelling. Anyway, I had come to see how you were getting along. I hadn’t heard anything about how you were after that whole… battle,”

“Well, after it was OVER and you were busy DYING over there, you all LEFT ME THERE ALONE and your STUPID FRIEND CARRI-..I mean I FLEW MYSELF ALL THE WAY BACK-” “Lev carried you?” “Y- what? NO!!-” “Where is he?” “How should I know?!”

Sihl wasn’t any help, as usual. Ves didn’t know why he expected otherwise. But it still was good to see him alive, and not pounded into absolute dust.

Before the wyvern could let off anymore steam, he stopped and sniffed the air. “What is that,” He asked, or more accurately, hissed.

“What’s what?” “I smell it on you. That same fog from before. And no I don’t mean your natural stench.” Ves tilted his head. “I don’t know wh-” “I DON’T STINK YOU STINK!!!” Puffy lurched forward out of Ves’ mechanical arm and screamed back.

Sihl let out a hideous shriek and threw himself backwards out of fright, before his frills fanned forward and rattled dangerously. “WHAT IS THAT- THAT’S THE DRAGON- THE WORM- FROM BEFORE-” “NO- SIHL WAIT-” Already the wyvern’s breath was beginning to cloud out of his mouth. Puffy let out a high pitched shriek of sorts and hid again as Ves held his arms up to get Sihl to stop.

“You FOOL- I’m going to DESTROY IT. Now THROW IT OUT HERE!”

“NO- no I can explain it-” “NO YOU STUPID-” “PUFFY-” “I’LL KILL YOU-” The screaming went on.

_________________________

“So let me TRY to understand this. This THING, this pathetic little WORM is now STUCK to your carcass and there’s nothing you can DO about ANY OF IT?” Ves sighed as he tossed a small stone near the edge of the fire he had built on the balcony. “Yes. The same one that attacked the airship. Apparently he was just very confused and scared.” “Scared, alone. So lonely...so cold...sorry.” Puffy gurgled. “This is absolutely idiotic. Absolutely completely idiotic. I am not surprised this happened to you. This is literally all your fault. You idiot.” Sihl let his head rest on the ground, his entire body curled around the fire with the knight sitting against him, much like they always had done before.

“Whatever, say what you will. I’m trying to move past it. This is the way it is now and there’s no going back.” “Oh listen to YOU. You would have been AGREEING with me before. In fact, you WERE.” “That was THEN-” Ves could feel his face growing red, more out of embarrassment than anything else. “It’s- it’s different n-” “Oh IS IT, little knight?” Sihl asked mockingly. “How does your saying go? You can’t teach the elderly new things?” Puffy rattled angrily inside of the prosthetic, making the metal in turn rattle as well.

“And what are you going to do about it? Insignificant worm. You can’t even come out and face me. A DRAGON. Because you know you can’t. You can stay inside your tin can where you belong.” “Mean, mean mean mean. I will BITE you.” “No- Puffy- and you, stop it. I know I-...I know how it was before...But...” Ves swallowed, staring at the flickering flames before them for a brief moment. “...I can’t go back to that. I...I can’t.” He’d lose everything again. For good.

And then where would he be? Washed up and all alone somewhere…

It sounded awful.

Puffy stirred at such thoughts, only adding to it with his own experience, thus amplifying the entire emotion.

It...didn’t feel good at all.

“Well, perhaps you need to hang around ones who all think the same as you. That way you wouldn’t have to worry about a thing.” Sihl rolled his eyes as he blew a cloud of smoke out his nose.

“I would say that you KNOW that’s not a good idea. But, then again, I don’t think you really know.” “Whatever.”

The clear night sky was alight with thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of shimmering stars. The air was calm and still, relatively speaking, and the sense of dread that plagued the knight for many weeks before, had gone.

He was here. Now.

That part felt good, and he couldn’t help but smile.

“...I’m glad you’re all right.”

Sihl snorted in response and said nothing. Until he decided he should. “...I suppose I am as well. To a certain degree.” It was better than nothing.

“I wish we could go flying, like we do, right now.”

“Hmph. I don’t feel like it.”

“I know.”

The flames popped and licked away at the wood hungrily.

Puffy continued to watch the entire exchange, feeling left out. But it dared not give any input. Who knew what that dragon would do. Vesevont seemed to be ok with it, mean and nasty as it was. Just like...the knight…

They both were mean and nasty weren’t they?? Would he ever even change?

Such a depressing thought made the worm retreat entirely for the time being.

Ves didn’t really notice.

“You know, there’s one thing I’ve been thinking about, beyond all this chaos and what have you. Why DID you take me away that night? Remember? Out on the road? You never want to speak of it but… I mean, I wouldn’t like to know. Even if it was something as mundane as wanting to eat me later as a snack or something.” Sihl remained motionless, not looking at anything particular, nor raising his head.

“I won’t tell anyone if that’s what you’re worried about.” Ves pushed for an answer.

Again the wyvern remained unresponsive. But he wasn’t asleep.

The tip of his tail finally curled slightly.

“If you tell a single soul I will end you.” He said in a low growl.

“I won’t. I promise.” It was a promise Ves could easily make. The only thing he was concerned about was Puffy not being able to keep his mouth shut.

Somehow the answer was enough for Sihl, however, and he picked his head up finally to gaze upwards towards the heavens.

“I, like many of the whelps, have always heard the stories of time before. Before the war started. How… well, my kind and your kind lived together. I always thought it was rather… fascinating.”

Ves listened, very aware that Sihl was trying to save face with his choice of words. But he didn’t call him out on it.

“Anyway, the elders were always boasting about how they were golden times or something like that. How some of them had partners and whatnot and were performing heroic deeds of legend and so on-” “So, you want that?” The wyvern rumbled dangerously. “Well. Yes. I did want that. Glory to my name? Who doesn’t. No one has better scales than I.”

Ves rolled his eyes.

“...I did want that...at first...” Sihl trailed off, looking away and out towards the forest. “I tried it with a few other knights but they didn’t know how to hang on when I flew. You though, you seem to have some common sense. Anyway… I don’t know. With you it felt different. Like...” He made a strange sound then. One Ves didn’t recognize.

“Like what?”

Sihl huffed, frustrated. “Like… I don’t know. Like we had flown together before. Not just like I was carrying you. Heavy as you are. You eat too much.” “Like we’d flown together?” “YES. I don’t know how else to say it and if you say it to anyone else I will KILL YOU.” “I won’t… Twelve...I already said I wouldn’t.” Ves let his shoulders drop into a more relaxed position as he let his weight fall onto Sihl’s side, tilting his head upwards again. “...You know, I could say the same.” “What? No, you’re just making that up.” “No really. I mean, once I got passed being absolutely petrified. The whole flying thing felt natural. Like I’d done it before. Like it was the greatest thing in the world even.”

Sihl glanced at him suspiciously. “Really?” “Mhm.” Ves nodded. “I can’t really explain it either. I just feel like I belong up there sometimes is all.” He sighed, shutting his eyes gently. “Falling into a dive, the wind rushing past your face, rising above the storms and the clouds to the sun, with the stars… where no one is. No one at all… It feels,” His hands came up, curling into gentle fists. “Free.”

The wyvern did not answer him, laying his head back down instead to think on it.

“...Well...not ‘no one’.” He muttered.

Ves opened his eyes and looked at him, before smiling faintly. “...Yes, not with ‘no one’.”

“Your companion-knight is around here somewhere. We’ll find him tomorrow.” Sihl interrupted, eager to change the topic. “No doubt he’s already smelled you coming from a way’s off.”

Thinking about Lev still made Ves’ stomach turn. What would he say to him? He had to figure it out soon. Tomorrow wasn’t a long ways away.

Not at all…

“Get some sleep.” Sihl said with an air of finality.

“...I will,” Without the nightmares this time.

Carefully he laid on his side, gazing at the mesmerizing flames. He half expected Puffy to come out and say something but now, but he hadn’t. And he wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

He wasn’t about to ask.

[demyrie]

I've seen you talk a lot about love language, and it's something I'm slowly but steadily learning. I have a question about it! What can you do if you know someone who has a very incompatible love language with you, or who reacts poorly to your love language? Multiple times now I've had friends who would get almost hostile towards my ways of showing care, and its so upsetting to me that i sometimes stop being friends with them. It then makes it hard for me to show my love to other people (1/2)

Oh what a wonderful question. I adorelove languages as a concept, because they’re as diverse as the peoplewho “speak” them. Which might be why ... this definitely turned into an essay.

First off, sweet thing!! I’m sorry tohear that you’re getting that kind of reaction from your displays ofaffection! It can be really, really discouraging to be brave and openup to somebody, or offer affection, and get backlash or a negativeresponse … it does teach us that maybe there’s something wrong with what we’re doing, but you have to remember what dialect of love languagepeople are coming from and what your affection might “look” liketo them out of context.

Speaking Across Love Languages: It’sKind of Like the Dog and the Potato!

In case you haven’t seen this wonderfulthing that originated on tumblr, it’s a therapy dog who brings her crying person a potato, andit’s crushed hearts around the internet because of this generalhilarious sentiment: I don’t need it, but thanks it means the world inthis awful, awful moment.

And it’s funny, because animals offertheir love or care language and while it often doesn’t translate(thank you cat but I did not want this dead worm? Ok?), we are ableto gush and cry and appreciate the pure and whole effort itself,in and out of context, because “they don’t know any better”or “they’re just doing them dude” but we don’t offer the sameunderstanding to the people in our lives.

People learn affection in differentways and it differs greatly based on not only culture, but all theabundances and lackings you’ve experienced in life. We are programmedfrom an early age to value what we value, when oxytocin is runninghot through our developing little brains and wiring it with themental-emotional-chemical definition of LOVE that will follow usthrough our days, for better or worse. It can make both giving and accepting affectioncomplicated.

What Matters to You?

Make no mistake, many walk on this Earth without a clue what their love language is. To some that come from physicallyaffectionate households, cuddling and physical closeness is theheight of comfort. I love a good hug and I cuddle like a champ. Topeople who come from homes where they were rarely touched, however,being given a Classic American Comfort Hug might invoke anxiety …or they might crave it more than anything because they never had itwhile young.

To others, maybe their parents madethem food when they were sad and so cooking and the effort of itmakes them feel loved and cherished (see: my dude). To some, likemy dad, valuing someone’s time is the greatest sign of respect, andif you showed up late for something you may as well have spit in hisface. Conversely, the most important thing to these folks is justDOING things together. Doesn’t matter what, just time, and time spenttogether, is what matters, which perplexes Personalized Affectionpeople like me, who are left wondering why the fuck dad asked me tocome to home depot with him with no explanation because he’s takingtime away from the gift picture I was drawing for him???? which by the wayhe won’t show “proper” appreciation for, because really he justwanted to lurk around home depot with me. 

(My dad is weird.)

Love Language and Miscommunications

So, something bad happens, we wantcomfort, and the people around us don’t respond the way we want themto. They don’t hug us, or say what we want them to say, and we takeit super personally and feel jilted or abandoned. We think, whyaren’t they comforting me, why are they purposefully ignoring ordenying me, without considering that people learn and enact comfortin different ways and under no circumstances can they read your mindand desires.

(I’m gonna share an epithet from Rae andmy struggles, as I’m sure she won’t mind.)

There was a time in Undergrad when @rainbowstarbirdrealized, in the process of discovering that we were indeed quitefucking depressed and mentally ill, that we were living in completelydifferent worlds. Our repressed personal problems fit together like avery awful tessellation of trauma that dug deeper and deeper withevery year: I feared being smothered and controlled and she fearedbeing abandoned, so every time I pulled away in fear, she ran forwardin fear, with both of us having no idea why we were getting so angryat each other, or why we felt like we were constantly in danger despite beinghonors students and on scholarship and good life and affordable housing and etc etc.

My comforting love language has alwaysbeen providing things for people and taking care of their physicalbodies. We were still struggling to be friends through all this and Ialso leaned heavily on my role as caretaker in order to divertattention from my own pain, so if Rae was upset, I would make herfood or tea or just ask if she was hungry. Rae, on the other hand,dissociates severely when triggered and the only thing that cananchor her is physical touch, and her top priority is having a lovedone sit and spend time with her to prove she’s not alone and hated.

Worst Case Scenario: Lost inTranslation

I come in and Rae is a lump on thecouch. The air is thick with some kind of tension, which Iimmediately interpret as personal resentment and I get triggered as shit bythe ongoing mental tape of everything you do isn’t enough, but I recognizethat she isn’t feeling good. I ask her if she’s hungry. She says no,and doesn’t say anything further because she’s afraid of being needyand giving me the chance to deny her and confirm her fears that yes i hate her okay bye. I, at a loss, say I’m gonnamake her tea, because I want to take care of her in some way.

So I head into the kitchen and leaveher alone and suffering on the couch, saying, in her language, that Idon’t care about her one goddamn bit. I come back with a mug ofuseless caffeine that she didn’t need, which she doesn’t drink, whichupsets me because she’s refusing my love language, which makes mefuck right off to my bedroom to fume because well I tried,leaving her alone again. Everyone suffers. And I mean everyone.

(so much suffering)

What the Hell Happened?

She prioritized time, which I wasn’tgiving her, because I didn’t just want to sit on the couch next toher and be awkward and useless, I wanted to help her (ie: do something for her).I prioritized actions and gestures, which she saw as incidentalthings, human shrapnel, and rejected because she had no use for themwhile so deep in her own belief that she wasn’t loved because Iwouldn’t even sit next to her and keep her company while she was obviously in pain. 

See how fuckedthat is? We were not only failing to speak one another’s languages, but our actual languages ended up triggering each other. Bad. Bad!!!!

Now, the first thing I do is ask if shewants a hug! I tell her I will sit with her for as long as she needs,whether we’re playing video games or whatever, and reaffirm that Ilove her and value her. Now, when I’m in a State, she’ll ask if I’veeaten, because she knows the first thing I do when I start dipping isskipping meals to punish myself. She brings me tea and badgers meabout food, and of course cuddles me to kingdom come, and mostimportantly she smartly, altruistically, and respectfully asks mewhat would make me feel loved in that moment, and goddamn if that doesn’t make me feel loved in and of itself.

Becoming Fluent in Another’s LoveLanguage

The key is realizing your companions’love language and understanding how it fits into your own, if itdoes. If your partner’s language differs from yours, you can eitherappeal to them using their love language or try to recognize how whatthey’re doing for you expresses their values and try to be cognizantof those actions. In my mind, taking the effort to learn yourpartner’s love language is the height of devotion and appreciationand wooing.

It is such a powerful thing to say“this makes me feel loved!” or “This is really important to me,which is why I thought you might like it!” It feels … selfish,almost, or egotistical, but with affection you are offering ofyourself. There’s room for you to be involved!

And there is no “wrong” way to loveor show affection! The only way things go wrong is if your unmetexpectations are hurting you, in which case you might need toreevaluate either where those expectations came from or the personyou’re with and the way they treat you (EX: wanting someone to checkin with you 20 times a day with “i love you you amazing creature”texts is on a different level of expectations from I would like mypartner to listen to me when I talk and she doesn’t, am I beingoutrageous?) or if the person you’re wooing is upset by the wayyou’re showing affection. For instance, some people don’t like hugs,and it takes two to hug, and sometimes it just bes like that. Find what makes them feel loved (which is also something you are comfortable and happy doing)!

It may take a little bit ofnegotiation, and it’s difficult at first whenever enacting somebody’slove language doesn’t “do” it for you, and of course youshouldn’t force yourself to do something that feels gross to you toplease another person (nononononononono), but we are very plastic, trainable creatures.I get what I call feedback happiness whenever I do something I knowmeans the world to Rae, even if it doesn’t push my buttons, and shetakes pride in knowing that I like tea when I’m sad, etc, and that inthose moments my love language takes priority because I’m in need, and that I’m worth it. 

Effort is love, sometimes. Most times, really, but the high is worthit :)

All This to Say: Get Talking!

It definitely sounds like there’s somebarriers or misunderstandings between you and those you’d like to befriends with … I remember back in the day, glomping was the heightof affection theatre and I fucking hated it (v sensitive about my neck and also fast motions and loud noises), but didn’t know how toask my friends to stop because I thought it was that or They Hate Me. I don’t believe there’s anyone you “justcan’t be friends with”, but you do have to sit back at a certainpoint and ask yourself if any relationship is fulfilling you enoughto continue it. If you aren’t finding pleasure and excitement in thebond or there’s no good compromise/effort between you to work on it,it may not be a priority to pursue.

So, I’d ask my friends – hey, youknow last time I did X, I wasn’t trying to scare you or make youuncomfortable. I guess I wanted to become closer, and that’s whatcloser means to me. Is there a way I can show you affection thatdoesn’t throw you off? What do you like to do? What makes you feelspecial? (Because I would like to make you feel special.) Encouragethem to talk about what they like and let them understand that you’re willing to go out of your way to communicate your love in a way they’ll Feel and Hear, and there’s pretty much no better feeling in the world than knowing someone likes you like that.

I’m sorry this turned into an essaybut!!! Important!!! I wish you the best of luck my love, know thatthere’s nothing wrong with you or how you relate, but that relatingtakes two, and takes time! Seek to understand what might be stopping them from seeing your affection for what it is, and come up with a compromise or shared language you CAN utilize. 

I hope this increases your happiness and worth and makes you feel great because thats what friendships should do! Murr!

[thoughtsoftheantagonist]

A Song for You

AN: I am beyond sorry its been so long. The second the holidays started I was in a whirlwind but I'm back and ready to keep going. Here is the new Chapter hope you love it.

Chapter Eighteen

Joy POV

She hadn't seen her husband since they both got to work this morning, he was currently underneath a car while she was double checking some appointments for later today and filing that still hadn't been done by Gemma. It was a fucking wonder this place lasted with her behind the filing. She was putting some files up when the door to the office opened, without turning she speaks “Take a seat I'll be with you in a moment.” She drops the files on her hands when she hears a Scottish brogue reply “Take your time Lass.” she turns and sees Chibs grinning at her, practically leaping over the desk chair she hugs him tight. “Jesus fuck Chibs I was so scared!”  the older man hugs her close kissing the side of her head in greeting as her husband rushes in at the sound of her shouting. “Babe you…..” she pulls herself from Chibs, seeing the wide grin on her husband face she gets out of the way just in time for him to hug Chibs himself “Jesus Chibs.” She rubs her husband's back, she knew Chibs meant a lot to Juan, she was glad he was back home. Once they released the man hug of the century she grabs Chibs face in her hands, looking him over “What happened.” the older man huff out a laugh, grabbing one of her hands he kisses the back of it before stepping out of her reach, nodding towards the clubhouse. “Want to wait until the others are here, put up the break sign or get one of the prospects in here.” she watches him go, she and her husband locking eyes. This wasn't good if the whole club needed to know. “Go clean up. I'll grab our lunches from the clubhouse.” Juan nods, pressing a kiss to her cheek he heads for the bathroom in the office to clean up.

It's not twenty minutes that she and Juan are having lunch at the picnic tables with Tig, Chibs, Bobby, Phil, and her father. She kept having to swat at her father and Tig as they stood bites of her chicken and rice, when her father steals another bite she hands her food to her husband for protection while she smacks at her father's arms as he hides his head from her blows. “It's your mom's recipe what do you expect little girl!!!” she glares at him as she grabs her food back from her husband. “ I expect you to ask you heathen. You too Tig don't think you're off the hook.” she feels a tap on her shoulder, seeing Chibs glancing between her and her food she arches a brow “May I have a try lass?” she sighs, hold out a spoonful for him she glares between her father and Tig “See. Asking helps.” She goes back to eating as Chibs nods. “Pretty good girlie. Make that for dinner one night and I'll swing by.” She takes her last bite and nods, hearing a bike pull up she sees Jax, she hears her father get up as his phone rings she moves over so he can head for the ring behind them to talk to whoever was calling. She grins as Jax pulls Chibs in for a hug “The prodigal Scot. Oh, man. Thank God you're alright, man. What happened?” she leans into her husband's side, resting her head on his shoulder as she listens to Chibs “Frankie, he dumped me out on the 99. I really thought he was gonna put a bullet in the back of my head. Some trucker found me. Check this out.” she watches him pull his paperboy hat from his head, hissing between her teeth when she sees the glimmer of two staples in the long scar on his head. Frankie was worm food. “Did you see anything Chibs? Anything we could use to find him?” turning to her he lights a cigarette, blowing the smoke upward he shakes his head in the negative “Too dark lass. But it looked like a White SUV. I couldn't see plates, faces. But it's obvious somebody's helping him.” She sighs, resting her elbows on the table she racks her brain, but with so little info that was given to her through the paperwork she was given by Frankie, it wouldn't be easy to sniff him out. She turns to Bobby, “Seems to be heading north, maybe breaking for Canada.” sounded plausible, she almost jumps out of her skin when her father plops down next to her, seeing his face and the evil grin on it she narrows her eyes “Try Tahoe. Just talked to Quinn. He found Frankie.” She smirks, leaning over she plans a kiss on her father's cheek, snickering when he tried to scrub her lip gloss from his cheek. Even Jax chuckled as he said  “Well, let's go. Come on, let's move to church.”

Standing she follows behind the others, her husband's hand on her hips as he walks behind her. She and the others quickly grab their seats, seems she wasn't the only one itching to get her hands on Frankie. She gets comfortable between Phil and her husband, rubbing her hand up and down her husband's back as he leans his elbows on the table, his whole upper body almost hunched over the table. He was just as ready as she was to see Frankie bleed. Her eyes land on her father as he speaks first “Quinn says Frankie's in South Tahoe. Hooked up with Leo Pirelli's crew.” She scuffs, couldn't even hide on his own. Jax nods, a hand coming to scrub roughly at the side of his beard jaw “He's bought himself some mob protection.” all eyes move to the older man at the end of the table as he says “Is that solid intel? 'Cause I'm a little cautious when it comes to Nomad integrity.” she wanted to throw one of her knives into his eye socket, the Nomads were his errand boys and a good few of them knew it. Her father's eyes narrow at Clay “Quinn knows every pimp and hooker in a 300-mile radius. Frankie still likes them young and slanted.” She narrows her eyes at Tig and he snorts “Yeah, pussy tells all.” she kicks him under the table, a smirk of satisfaction on her face when he winches and reaches down for his shin. “Ok unloyal pussy tells all better?” she nods and turns her attention to Jax, who shakes his head at the both of them “All right, give him a call when we break. Tell him we're on our way. Make sure it's real.” she watches her father nod, he had his role to play. She glances past her husband's still hunched form to Bobby “Leo runs book and poker clubs. It's a quiet crew, man. Maybe Cacuzza could reach out, explain our situation. Do this the easy way.” She doesn't look at Clay as he replies “Yeah. I can call Jimmy.” Her husband sighs, leaning back in his seat he grabs her hand, his fingers playing for with the rings on her hand as he asks the question they all want to be answered. “ What happens when we find Frankie? Because frankly Jax I want his fucking head for what he tried to do to my wife.”

She lifts his hand, not caring if the guys see her kiss his knuckle. Juan wasn't the most blood thirty out of this group, but she knew he needed this. Chibs nods “I agree, we cut his head off.” Jax's leans forward on his elbows, his gaze bouncing between Juan and Chibs. “First we press him on the attacks, find out who's calling the shots.” She nods, lacing her fingers with Juan's “I agree, I want him to die buried to his neck in shit but I want the person holding his fucking leash.” Tiggy slaps his hand on the table “Then let's vote this shit.” She watches Jax as he looks at everyone at the table for a moment “Okay, we all know what Frankie did to compromise the club. Vote's got to be unanimous. All in favor of stripping his patch.” the sounds of agreement were deafening, not one person at this table would stand for that man having redwood on his cut for another day. Jax's face takes on a darker note as he locks eyes with her “As far as Mr. Mayhem goes, let's hear pros and cons.” Tig scuffs, drawings Jax's eyes from her to him “He tried to kill you. That would be a pro.” She will give Jax his dues, she knew he wanted the man dead but he was also being a president and level headed when he said. “We only got the word of a non-member.” 

Clays voice down the table makes her tense, ever since Frankie had confirmed she had been right all she wanted was to crawl down the table and his throat out with her teeth. “ Gogo and Greg tried to kill Unser. Nomads were on a spree.”  all eyes turn to Chibs “ Yeah, and he shot Lyla, tried to whack me, and admitted to being the one who shot Joy. Frankie's made his bed, Jackie.” she rubs her husband's forearm as he grips her hand, she knew Juan still hadn't gotten over that night, she knew it would take a while for him to forget that feeling of not know if she was alright. Jax's eyes lock with hers for a moment, sometimes she wondered why he gave Bobby the VP patch when it seemed he still looked to her for some things, she nods slightly, it needed to be done. “ Okay. All in favor of Frankie Diamonds meeting Mr. Mayhem.” everyone voted in favor, Frankie's lifespan just shrunk down to hours as Jax slams down the gavel with a resounding crack.

She lets her husband practically drag her from the room by her hand as they all head outside, her mind is so focused on Frankie and how this would end she doesn't hear Juan's voice until he waves a hand in front of her face. “Hey. Come back to me. You ok?” She leans into his hands as they cup her cheeks, she rests her hands on his sides as his eyes sweep over her face “I'm fine just over analyzing. I'm ready for him to be gone.” she can't help but smile up at her husband when he plans a kiss to her forehead. “I know. Now the real question is are you riding along with me or solo. You seemed ok this morning without your pain Meds but this is an hour or so out.” she takes a hand from his side and rubs over the slowly fading bruise under her black shirt. “I'm alright. Tender to pressure as always but as long as I'm not doing a workouts like you do I'm good.” she smirks up at him as he rolls his eyes, she gasps as he yanks her closer by the back of her neck, the kiss he gives her makes her toes curl in her shoes. As he pulls back her lips chase his, much to his amusement. “Crack jokes about my work out habits all you want baby girl but you like what it does.” She snickers and smacks his stomach, making him grunt, she pulls two hair ties from her wrists, holding them up to Juan she turns around and lets him start to tightly braid her hair back. She sees Tig watching them, an amused grin on his face, he opens his mouth to say something but he catches the glint of silver on her hand, realizing she was holding a throwing knife. She waits until he locks eyes with her to wink, yeah fucker try it. Fucking cut your tires, the blue-eyed man pouts at her before yelling. “Your no fun doll.” she snickers and shoves the knife back into her thigh holster. Once Juan is done with her hair she runs to the office to grab her emergency ride bag she keeps there. Seeing Gemma she lets her know what had already he handled today and runs out to the bikes. Phil and Rat would be trailing behind them in the van, with Clay riding as well she would be taking up the rear between her father and Husband. Getting her customary kiss from her husband they take off not long after.

It had been so fucking long since they had just ridden together. This was what she used to dream about when her father would tell her about the club, wide open road. The rumble of their engines like a storm it's halfway in that they stop for a leg stretch and bathroom breaks. She is inside grabbing some waters for the guys and a few lollipops for her sweet tooth while Juan tops off their tanks, she heads outside a grape lollipop already between her lips as she walks up to Chibs who was laid out on his bike, she lays a water on his stomach before taking two waters out off the bag for herself and Juan. Chibs peers up at her, chuckling she arches a brow. “What's got you giggling?” he smirks “With the Lolli stick hanging out of your mouth it looks like a toothpick. Ya look like you Da.” the guys circled around grin, she remembers something, looking around she catches sight of her dad, she whistles to catch his attention. Reaching into her back pocket she holds up a small pack of toothpicks she got inside for him, tossing them towards him she grins when he catches them with ease. Sending her a nod in thanks before turning back to his conversation with Rat in the van driver seat. She shrugs as the rest of the guys laugh “Dad is easy to shop for. Toothpicks, beer, and condoms.” She giggles as Juan's forehead rests on her shoulder, her hand patting the side of his tattooed scalp as he tries to get his wheezing laughter under control.

She sees Phil glance over her shoulder, turning her head she sees him watching Clay who had just come from the bathrooms. The what he was rubbing his hand let her know he was regretting his choice to leave his shot at home. Juan having composed himself rests his chin on her shoulder as Clay passes them “How they doing?” Clay shakes his head, moving to lean against his bike behind them “I should have brought the cortisone.” Yes, he fucking should have, she even packed her pills, even if she felt fine she might not later. Jax comes over, his eyes narrowed on Clay “You good?” she lets Juan moves her so they are facing Clay, her back against his chest. Resting her head back on his shoulder she twirls the Lolli in her mouth as Clay replies “Lungs holding up, it's my goddamn hands.” Jax glances between the van and Clay before replying  “Hop in the van with Rat. Let Phil ride it out.” she knew it sucked to tap out. But Clay needed to be more realistic, bring your fucking meds if you needed them. Everyone started to get on their bikes, pulling the Lolli from her mouth she kisses Juan snickering when he grins “Mmmm grape.” She shakes her head and heads for her bike, turning to Tig when he swats at her leg. “Got any more?” she heaves a suffering sigh and holds out her treasure trove of lollipops. Letting him pick before she puts them away. These men would be the death of her, from a bullet wound or mental break she just didn't know which.

An hour or so later

Pulling up to the poker club she sees a very tall son waiting for them and for a second her mind flashes to Opie, she shakes it off walking up behind Jax as he greets the taller man “Quinn it's good to see you man.” she tilts her head back to look at him as he smiles down at her. Seems he was another gentle giant. “Well seems the rumors of the smallest son to wear a patch are true. I'm Quinn it's great to meet you Sonshine.” She grins, holding her hand out for him to shake, she finds herself a few feet of the ground in a tight hug before she can blink. “Careful hun. I'm not one hundred percent.” he drops her onto her feet. “Sorry. I'll remember next time.” she chuckles, letting her husband grab her hand, pulling her behind him and the rest as they head inside. Looking around she gets a feel of the place, very backwoods casino. She liked it, hanging onto Juan's arm she follows behind Jax, narrowing her eyes as a man steps up to their side “Hey, what do you guys need?” Jax pats the man on the shoulder “ We're just looking around, big fella.” Jax's swiftly moves past the man, who turns his attention to herself and the guys, his fingers pointing towards her cut.“Yeah, we're a quiet place. Gotta do it without the patches.”

She arches a brow, her arms crossed over her chest as she replies “Take it easy. We're just here to see Pirelli, okay?” the man steps closer into her space, she places a hand on her husband's chest, stopping him as he moves to step in front of her, she hated cheap forms of intimidation. Staring up at the bald man before her she curls her lip as he replies “Call his office and make an appointment Peaches.” She can't help but snort, fucking peaches? Wow how cute. She is about to rip his throat out with her teeth when Jax's voice bounces off the walls of the room, making them all turn to watch “Leo! You made a bad mistake helping Frankie Diamonds, man.”

She watches as Mr.Clean moves towards Jax, placing his hand on her president's chest. Shoving him back towards the guys “All right, out. Move!” she sidesteps Jax's backward falling body. Snatching up a bottle from the table she uses it to crack the extremely tall man upside the head, sending him crashing to the floor. All hell breaks loose as he gets back up Snatching her up by her cut he holds her again the wall “You crazy bitch!” she snarls and kicks him between his legs when he lets her drop she clasps her hands together making one large fist she swings at the side of his jaw. She doesn't stick around as he goes down, seeing Juan was ok she looks for her father, finding him and another man flying through the air and onto a table she winches as the table breaks. Running over she throws herself onto the man's back as he punches her father, wrapping her arms around his neck she leans back. Using all her body weight she starts to choke him out. The noise around her as come to a grinding halt but she refuses to release her hold on the guy who was now squirming in her arms for freedom. She only let's go when Jax snatches her up by the back of her cut “Enough Sonshine!” panting she leans into her husband and he moves to stand behind her, her father moving to her side as he glares at the man trying to catch his breath on the floor. A man stands before them, she guessed he was Leo. “What the hell is wrong with you guys? Somebody sneezes, your little cocker spaniel here throw a fist? How do you get any business done?” she smirks, her eyes on the man currently nursing a bloody nose “Mr.Clean next to you dropped his pants first.”

Her husband's chest rumbles as he chuckles, the bloody and bold man takes a threatening step towards her “Aw, screw this” She moves to meet him but her husband's hands on her arms and Leo's voice stop her “Hey, hey! Enough. Enough! Okay, so you got my attention.” Jax moves in front of her with sigh “Frankie Diamonds. Leo, we know you're helping him get out of the States.” she couldn't see past Jax large frame, but the condescending tone of Leo's voice made her roll her eyes “ You don't know shit.” Jax finally moves so she can lock eyes on Leo as Jax speaks lowly, but just loud enough for the few close enough to hear. “You know, Frankie Diamonds stole half a million dollars from me and my associates. He's using our cash to bankroll his exit. If you think we're noisy, wait till the cartel and the IRA come knocking.” she bites down on her lip as she tries not to laugh, that sneaky son of a bitch. She leans into her husband and she giggles out “Machetes, grenade launchers and AK’s oh my. And you think I'm a pain. They can spill a few stacks of chips.” She winks at Leo as her husband rests his forehead on her shoulder, she could feel his chest shaking as he tries to suppress his wheezing laughter. The larger man Quinn pats her on the shoulder as he passes by to speak to Leo “We just want Frankie.” Jax's chuckle makes her glance his way, the look on his face was a touch on the teasing side “You can even keep the cash.” She smirks as Leo finally grins, turning away he stops before turning back to Jax “Make a call. Follow us. But if you're telling me a story, kid, this ain't gonna be such a beautiful, sunshiny day here in the splendor of the lakes. You understand?” she can't help but reach over to swat at Jax's arm closest to her as he replies “Not exactly, but I think I get the point.”

She watches him go with a grin, smart ass. She and Juan let the others pass by, leaving them to follow in the back as he walks behind her, his hand coming around to rest his palm flat against her stomach and he whispers “You ok?” She turns her head, presses a kiss to his jaw “I'm fine Juan. Sore but nothing I'm not used to handling.” He narrows his eyes for a second but nods, kissing her temple as they get to their bikes. Following behind Leo and his guys as they pull out the drive isn't long it's just a lot of back roads, she almost swerves into another lane when the sound of a huge explosion booms through the mountains like thunder. She sees Jax's head pop up as he stands on his bike to look at something before he is peeling around the SUV and taking off at high speed, takes the rest of them half a second to do the same when they see the smoke from the mountain. She had broke formation and got closer to Jax, she would catch hell for it later but she wasn't gonna miss Frankie, fuck that for a joke. She pulls up next to Jax as they both catch sight of the van she quickly races past Jax for the door, yanking out her glocks she aims them at Clay who had a shotgun aimed at Frankie “Drop it Clay or I drop you!” Jax's rushes in behind her, gun aimed at Clay as well “Not yet Clay.” She side steps from the door, never taking her eyes off Clay, or her guns as the guys file in one by one. She can't help but smirk as Chibs lays his hands on her shoulders as he passes, talking to Frankie over her head “Frankie. Miss me?” she sees Leo and his boys file in from her peripheral as Jax's speaks to Clay “Lower the shotgun now.” for a second Clay looks like he might just say fuck it, she hoped he would but sadly he had some sense, lowering the shotgun he looks at Jax, the next few seconds are so fast she still can barely remember them. All she hears is Leo's low curse and the sound of gunshots, she watches Frankie drop as one hits him between the eyes, she turns to Leo as he stops, it takes her husband and her father to drag her out as she screeches, trying to bum rush the man. “You stupid son of a bitch!!! HE WASN'T YOUR KILL HE WAS MINE!”

She struggles as her father wraps his arms around her middles, pinning her swings arms to her side she yells as Juan grabs her face. “Joy enough! Look at me. Stop before to pass the fuck out BREATH!” She stares at him, her chest heaving as she feels tears of rage stream down her cheeks and over Juan's fingers. She feels her body shaking as she tries to calm her racing heart and mind. It's a good ten minutes before she can speak without yelling. “I'm good. Let me down dad.” her father kisses the back of her head before he drops her on her feet, moving past her he plants another kiss on the side of her head as he goes back to the cabin. Leaving her alone with her husband, looking up at him she swipes at her tear stained cheeks, looking up at him with a watery smile “I bet I look like shit.” Juan chuckles softly, his hands coming up your cup her face as his thumbed swipe under her eyes. Wiping away the Mascara that had smudged in her rage, she rests her hands on his sides as he presses a kiss to her forehead. “There. Just as beautiful as the day I married you.” she snorts, her hand rubbing up and down his sides “If your trying to sweet talk your way into my pants…..keep talking it might work.” he husband chuckles, his beefy arm wrapping around her shoulder as he drags her forward into his chest. The smell of weed smoke and body wash makes her tension melt away, she slides her hand around his back, her hand digging his back pocket as he tries to move away “The fuck you doing!?” she smiles into his chest as she finds what she was looking for, pulling back she holds up the case of prerolled blunts he always had and wiggles it “light up time?” He shakes his head but grabs it anyway, she goes back to her place against his chest, hugging him tightly as he lights up over her head. With her ear against his chest, she can hear when he takes his first hit, the blunt appearing in front of her face as he passes it to her. Finally pulling back from the warmth of his chest she sees the fuss heading their way, she inhales deeply as Jax gets to her, his hand on the back of her head as he locks eyes with her “You good sis?” she shrugs, a sad smile on her face as she blows her smoke off to the side. Handing the blunt to Juan, as Jax talks to Quinn behind her “do you have a truck or something we can borrow? To haul Frankie back?” she watches Clay standing off to the side with Rat, she takes the last of the blunt from her husband, inhaling all of it she holds it as Quinn replies “Yeah I got you.” she tosses the blunt to the dirt stomping it out she blows her smoke out as she speaks, the guys going quiet at the tone of her voice as she speaks to Clay directly. “Wanna share with the class how you got here before us?”

She doesn't flinch as Clay stares her down through his shades for a moment before replying “Cacuzza. He called me as you guys were pulling out. Me and Rat boy here wanted to check it out before we hit you up.” She doesn't take her eyes off Clay as Rat speaks “We wanted to make sure it was real.” she nods slowly, the feel of a hand on her shoulder makes her tense until she hears the voice attached “Well guess what. It was. Come on. Let's go home.” Her eyes following Clay as he turns to walk to the van, Jax's hand clenching her shoulder in silent support letting her know, I see him too. She reaches up and pats his hand as he moves away and towards the cabin to collect Frankie's corpse. Sliding her sunglasses on she moves away from the others, and away from the still smoking cabin she finds a nice rock formation near the lake and climbs on top of it. Curling her legs up to her chest she stares out onto the oddly still lake, as she stares she tries to figure out what is next. She had been so angry looking for proof of the Nomads and finding the shit stains who killed Opie that it was all she felt for a while, sure she had overcome her issues and fears regarding her and her families mortality. But she was slowly coming to the realization that she was always angry, or maybe the best way to describe it was her anger never died down it simmered under her skin and she was so tired of it. Now that Frankie was dead, that chapter closed. She wasn't sure where to focus that anger she held before and that worried her, the last thing she wanted was to lash out at the guys or worse, Juan or her dad. They still had Opie's killers to look for but she had long ago told herself that she couldn't hold anger for that even though it still hurt to know he was gone, all she could do was just serve justice for her still living boys.  She jerks when she feels arms slide around her shoulders, but once she got sight of the reaper set against the deep sepia skin of the left forearm she knew it was her husband. Leaning back against him she closes her eyes as he presses slow, lazy kisses from her ear to the collar of her shirt. When she turns her head to returns the favor. “Want to tell me what has you sneaking off? Needed a minute?” she rests her forehead against his cheek, her nails dragging back and forth over the reaper on his arm as she tries to figure out how to say this right. “I was so ready for today. My anger was at the surface and I was ready to take that human skit mark back to Charming, grill him and dump him in a ditch after. But now I'm left feeling. I don't know if empty is the best word.” She struggles for a moment, her husband grabbing her hand rubbing his arm, pulling the hand to his mouth he kisses her fingers before speaking.

“I get it. You had so much anger. And have had it since Op died and then this added too it. Now when you thought you were doing to get an ending you wanted it was stolen from you and your anger is confused now. Frantic and searching for a place to put it all.” she nods, staying quiet as Juan continues. “But baby that's not healthy to stay that angry all the time. You have to take away the fact that it wasn't you who killed him and think on the main point, he is dead now. He can't hurt any one of us anymore. And Joy If you need to do something with it. The anger I mean. tell me. You and I can go in the backyard with Sonny and play it off or hey, come out on Saturday with me and your dad to work out, yoga is all well and good for you but this might help more.” she thinks for a second, he made a good point. Shifting she grins up at her husband “Look at you. My incredibly smart and thoughtful husband. I like that idea working out, and we can bring sonny with us, he loves the clubhouse.” She smirks, her hand snaking up his hard chest to the back of his neck. Yanking his head down she brushes her lips over his softly as she speaks, her eyes heavy-lidded from the weed and her voice taking on a smokey quality “And seeing you sweaty and shirtless is never something I will pass up seeing.” His grin is wicked as he leans down, closing that last centimeter between their lips to kiss her deeply. She would never get tired of his kiss, the brush of his warm tongue along her bottom lip as she lays back onto the hard stone below them, his body hovering over her as she grips the back of his neck with both hands. The sound of laughing doesn't hit her until she opens her eyes, she can hear the voices finally “I don't think Juicy boy stands a chance. She will detach her jaw swallow him whole, you watch.” She finally pulls away from her husband, tilting her head back she sees an upside-down Chibs and Tiggy grinning at them. “Do either of you old pervs have nothing better to do?” she pets her hand down the back of her husband head as he laughs into the side of her neck. Tiggy walks over to them, Chibs following behind, Chibs help Juan off of her and Tiggy helps her down from the tall formation. Grinning as he wraps an arm around her shoulder, leading her towards the bikes “You know I'm always down for a live show.” She shakes her head and sighs, only the men in her life. She would be grey by thirty-five.

A few hours later

Once they had gotten back to the house it had been peaceful, they had stripped down to their night clothes well before the sun was down but they had the rest of the day to do absolutely nothing. Then right before dark Juan decided to take Sonny on a run with him, something about needing time to think about what's up next. She didn't stress him, he would tell her his thoughts eventually when he finally caught up to them. That had been an hour ago, Juan had texted her saying he was on his way back so she was currently getting dinner ready when the doorbell rang. Grabbing her Glock from the kitchen island she slowly walks to the door, peeking out the hole her shoulder drop and she sighs at the sight of Roosevelt. Opening the door wide she grins. “What can I do for you?” he holds up a file. She waves him inside, locking the door behind her knowing Juan had his key to get in. She lets him follow her into the kitchen as she checks on the broccoli she is steaming as she talks over her shoulder to him. “Thanks for the file. But I doubt it will be necessary.” She knows he is staring holes into her back, once she is done tossing the spices into the chicken in the pan she has before she turns it down a little and turns to face him. “Got a call an hour ago. Frankie Diamonds was found in a ditch, multiple gunshot wounds to the face and torso. Something you want to tell me, Ortiz?” She can't help but smirk, always the cop. “First off, cut the cop act your sitting at my kitchen island and I'm in my pj’s it's not even remotely intimidating. And secondly no it wasn't us sadly.” She turns, grabbing the tongs on the counter she flips the chicken, giving it a dash of her pre-mixed seasoning before turning back to face Eli. “We were there though. And another person who isn't a son shot first I'm just as pissed as you are, trust me.”  she crosses her arms over her chest as Eli rests his head on his folded arms on the counter, it's quiet for are moment, the sounds of the  food cooking the only thing you could hear before she breaks the silence again.

“I wanted to pull the fucking trigger. So I get how you feel man I do, but Juan said something today that made me see reason. He is dead Eli. The man who tried to kill me and your wife and unborn child are dead. I know you as a cop want to see them rot in cells but for me…..this is enough. And both of us have people we love to watch out for, so we can't waste time dwelling on what could have happened.” she hears the front door lock tumble, turning her head she can't help but smile as her husband and dog rush in. Watching him kneel down before sonny, she can't help but sigh. Even after a year seeing him so happy and open makes her heart go soft, she hoped in years to come it wouldn't stop happening. Once Juan had finished taking the harness off sonny he made his way into the kitchen, panting he leans against the doorway as he eyes the man sitting at his counter. Opening the fridge she gets him a tall bottle of water and tosses it at him, smirking as she says “He isn't gonna explode if you stare at him hard enough Juan.” her husband narrows his eyes and walks over to her to kiss her cheek, she wrinkles her nose as his sweaty chest brushes her arm. “You stink. Go shower dinner is almost ready.” he chuckles, pressing another kiss on her cheek he nods to Eli on his way out. She grins as Eli shakes his head “I need to head home. Rita is probably worried.” she nods, walking over to cabinet she pulls out a container of cookies, handing them to Eli she smiles. “Rita seems to like these. My mom's recipe. Tell her hi for me.” Eli nods, heading for the door he stops and turns to her. “I need your statement still. write it up and drop it off, please. Maybe tomorrow?” 

She nods and watches the man leave, feeling somewhat better about the day. Juan had been right, she and Eli both needed to let go of their anger in this. The deed was done and for now, both their small families were safe, heaving a tired sigh she turns back to dinner. Pulling the chicken out of the pan she sets it to the side, Juan would be out soon then they could finally eat.

Next Morning

She had risen early, normally Juan was the one to rise before her but she guessed everything from yesterday and his hour run after had wiped him out. She had quickly let Sonny out into the back yard before he could start making enough noise to wake Juan before she set about making a nice breakfast. But before she can start her phone starts ringing, seeing Jax's name on the screen she arches a brow, putting in on speaker she grabs the eggs and other stuff from the fridge. “What's up buttercup?” the man in questions tone made her know this wasn't just a social call. “A little much to talk about over the phone, you good to have visitors?” she silently curses and then sighs “Yeah. Who's coming so I know to make enough food for you strays I have apparently adopted.” that gets a chuckle from the man on the phone before he replies “Just me and Rat boy. And you and Juice.” She nods, sorry Juan duty calls you from slumber it seems. “I need to wake him so let me do that first and get some go go juice in my man.” they both say goodbye and hang up. Putting the foodstuff to the side she heads for the bedroom, leaning against the door she watches her sleeping husband for a moment. He looked so peaceful she honestly wanted to let him sleep but she had no choice.

Walking over she carefully slides in on her side of the bed, sitting against the headboard she combed her fingers over his Mohawk as she calls his name softly. “Juan, wake up baby.” She watches with a soft smile as he turns in his sleep, his arms reaching out for her. She lets him wraps his arms around her waist as his head comes to rest on her lower stomach. She gently traces his tribal tattoos as she speaks again. “I know you're tired handsome but Jax called. He and Rat are coming over to discuss something.” She giggles as he groans, his face turning to rub back and forth over her stomach as he shakes his head. His voice deep and underused as he speaks into her shirt. “Why are they coming here at ass o'clock in the morning anyway?” she snorts, sliding down in his arms so they are holding each other under the warm covers she kisses his stubble covered jaw “It's hardly that early Juan. It's eight in the morning.” he groans against, his face hiding in her neck, the scratch of his stubble making her laugh. “Exactly. Ass o'clock.” She swats his arm, trying to wiggle from his iron grasp, trying not to smile as she realizes she is stuck. “Juan Carlos get up. I need to make breakfast and let Sonny back in and you need to get dressed and have your wake up mix or your gonna be a boar when the guys get here.” she thinks he is asleep again until she hears him curse lowly before rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling, slowly Blinking sleep from his pretty brown eyes. She sits up in bed, looking down at him to make sure he is going to stay awake when he looks over at her and grinning she knows he is ok. Leaning over she presses a kiss to his nose before sliding out of bed she walks over to her side of the dresser, pulling on some old sweats she turns to leave, only to see her husband's smirking face watching her from the bed, she couldn't help but laugh “Your such an ass man.” she watches him stand, biting down on her lip as she catches sight of his toned body in nothing but black boxers. He walks over to her, kissing the top of her head he smirks  “And your no better about me.” he swats her on the ass, making her yelp. Before she can retaliate he is out of arm's reach and closing the bathroom door “Coward!” his wheezing laugh is the only reply she gets before she heads back to the kitchen, a small grin on her face.

It's not twenty minutes later that the Jax and Rat stroll in, she rolls her eyes as they park it at the kitchen island, grinning boyishly at her as she pours both of them cups of coffee. “Only two men can grin at me like that and get away with it. One is in the living room the others is not here. So drop the shit and start talking.” She pulls the eggs and turkey bacon off the fire, setting three plates out she goes about making them as she raises her voice so Juan hears her over his movie. “Juan come on breakfast.” She hears him groan, narrowing her eyes at the backsplash in the kitchen she yells again. “Juan Carlos you have seen Spaceballs twenty fucking times in your young life. And you will see it twenty fucking more.  it's not changing any time soon now get in here!” the men behind her snicker but when she turns with their plates in hand and a glare on her face they quite quickly. She only loses her glare when Juan comes into the kitchen, an easy grin on his face. Standing by her side he goes to make his plate seeing she already had that and his morning mix done he grabs her jaw. The turn her face he pecks her lips quickly before moving to sit next to the guys, she sips her cold brew slowly as she watches them. “Start talking guys. I didn't plan to get into work headspace this early so I'm a bit of a grouch.”

Jax and Rat share a look before Jax nods, swallowing his mouthful of food he speaks “Rat came to me this morning. Apparently, Rat-boy here got a few words from Frankie before he died.” She sets her cup down, picking up her bowl of sliced fruit she nods for him to continue. “Apparently Frankie told Rat that Clay was behind the Nomads attacks. And that Clay told them to steal the safe but here is the thing, Clay made them give him back all his legal papers.” She smirks around her mouthful, swallowing she wipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “If we find the papers it proves Clay knew or at least had some part in this shit. Because the police never found the safe or the papers so how would he have them otherwise. Which would also call into question his involvement in the attack on me and Rita, the home invasions, the dead nomads. Christ Jax, we got him.” Jax shakes his head, making her frown “Not yet. We need those papers. Rat said he would look, and I'll talk to Miles myself since him and Rat boy are Clays, main watchers. Once we have those papers though yes. We just might have Clay.” Once business was off the table breakfast went quickly, the guys leaving them to get dressed. She is pulling her jeans over her hips when her husband's arms slide around her bare stomach from behind, leaning her head back she smiles as he kisses her jaw. “Can I help you sir?” she can feel him smile against her shoulder, his arms holding her a little tighter. “Just wanted to hold my wife for a second.”

She feels her heart melt a little, turning in his arms she stares up at her husband, all hard lines and head tattoos. But his eyes are soft, she wraps her arms around his back, under his so he can wrap himself around her. Laying her cheek on his chest she lets him rock them for a moment, their life was so fast-paced and hectic that silent moments like this one were so precious to her. When he tries to move away she doesn't release her grip on him, looking up at him she pouts. “What no sugar from daddy?” the eye roll she gets makes her snicker, but his smile lets her know he finds her just a little funny as he pecks her lips. “I'll be ready in ten then we can ride out. Got some paperwork that needs doing at the shop and I have our lunches set aside for later.” he nods and heads into their closet. She sent up a silent prayer as she pulls on the rest of her clothes, let no son die today.

A few Hours later

She was watching her father and Juan talk across the room as she finished the last of her lunch. He had stayed in the office with her for an hour, talking to her about working out on Saturday when Juan had come to remind her it was lunch time, after that her boys had branched off to let her eat in peace. She is shaken from that peace as the last spoonful hits her lips, Tigs hands coming down gently on her shoulders, she tilts her head to look up at him. “Prospects called. They got Hightower.” She drops her spoon, one of Opie's killers. Getting to her feet she whistles to her father and Husband, both of them at her side in an instant when they see she is checking her backpack of goodies behind the bar. “What's has you checking your bag of tricks little girl.” she loads a clip onto her Glock, stashing a few others into her tiny backpack as she replies without glancing at each of them, still elbow deep in the duffle before her. “Prospects got one of the guys who killed Opie. I'm getting ready for just about anything.” her dad is gone before she finishes the sentence, probably heading up to the dorms to do the same. Juan stays by her side, his hand held out as she hands over a few of his own clips and guns he had stashed in her bag. “So much for a slow day huh.” Once she had the bag packed full she put her weapon duffle back in its place by the bar, turning to her husband she lets him see how shaken she is.

He doesn't hesitate to wrap her up in his arms, she leans heavy into his chest “It's ok baby. We will get them all for this. Opie's death won't go unpunished. And remember, even if you don't pull the trigger yourself. It's still enough.” she leans her head back, her husband's lips meet hers in a feather-light kiss. She soaks him in, his warmth, his scent, the taste of him on her tongue. She pulls back, giving him a sad smile “I love you Juan.” he nods, resting his forehead against her he closes his eyes “I love you too Joy.” they both head for the door as her father joins them not a minute later. Heading for the bikes she is slowly, brick by brick locking away her worry, her pain, the image of Opie as well goes behind that wall. She knew this would be a touchy one. She had to remain level headed because from the faraway look in half the guy's eyes she knew level heads would be hard to come by today.

Time Jump  

As they pull up she feels an off sense of deja vu like she had been here before at some point, standing she makes sure her guns are strapped tight and her small bag on her back isn't flying off at some point. Walking over she catches the tail end of Jax's and the prospects conversation. “....there are bikes in the back. Tricked out shit.” She arches a brow, another biker gang. She starts heading towards the club, ignoring the rest of the club as they call for her in low whispers. Fuck this pussyfooting she wanted answers, making her way around the club she curses violently at the sight of the bikes before her, Jax and the others aren't too far behind when they catch sight of the bright orange bike, Grim Bastards. It would fucking have to be them wouldn't it, nothing could be fucking simple. She moves past the bikes and into the club, she is halfway to the bar when she is spotted by T.O. She quickly slaps a grin on her face as he and his men make their way towards her and the other son's. “Well if it isn't the Princess of Samcro. What brings you to our side of town?” she lets him pull her into a hug, letting him say hello to Jax and the others. Feeling Juan's arm slip under her cut she leans into his hand, trying to draw some sense of comfort as Jax's speaks to T.O. “I'm looking for someone. Guy called Randall Hightower.” T.O’s face goes from Civil to hard in seconds, she narrows her eyes as he replies flatly “Why you looking for him?” she moves to stand next to Jax, her arms crossed over her chest “He killed Opie when they were in County. I don't like the look on your face T. Spill.” the man before her starts to fidget, almost two years with Bikers you learn they don't like to see an angry woman or be the blockade in front of one “He hired us to protect him. I didn't know it was from you.” she smirks as Tig rests his arm on her shoulder he leans forward to speak “Well, we'll be buying out your contract as of now.” something else is up, she arches a brow as T refuses to meet her or Jax's eyes “ Ain't that simple. He's my cousin. We came up together.”

She is about to open her mouth to raise hell when it decides to break loss without her, she hears someone shout Randall and gunshots, she is yanked down to the ground by Tig, his body shielding hers as three shots rang out she shoots up, catching sight of the large man going out the side door. Cursing she shakes off Tig as he tries to grab her and she books it for the front door, Jax and Bobby not far behind. She is standing in the road when she hears the sound of tires, seeing a Blue SUV she starts shooting, Jax standing at her side as they rain gunfire. They are both yanked from the street by Chibs as Randell almost hits them, she tries to aim for his tires but she gets the back passage door as he knocks into one of the guy's bikes, causing them to domino into one another. She screams her rage to the sky as she stands at Jax side, she combs her hands through her hair as her Husband runs to her side. She waves him off, she needed a second, moves back a few steps, his eyes watching her closely as she pulls the now empty clips from her guns to replace them. She finally looks up at Juan, walking over she grabs his jaw, yanking him down she presses a hard kiss to his lips before quickly pulling away. “I need to keep this anger a little longer. I love you.” he nods, grabbing the wrist of the hand holding his face he yanks her hand off of his face to kiss the back of it before running off to check up with the others.

She is starting off in the distance as the sons and bastards crowd around each other she can hear the guilt in T’s voice. “we had no idea Randy was involved in Ope's death, man.” she grinds her teeth as Jax shouts, looking to her a child in every sense “Well, now you know! Where do we find him?” she watches T scrubs a hand over his mouth, a look of remote washes over his face like a flash before he locks it down. “He's blood, man. I can't just turn him over. There's gotta be something we can work out.” she finally has enough when Jax practically screeches, his arms flailing “ Like what, bro?! How are we gonna make this right?!” pushing off the wall she plants her hand on the center of the tall blonde man's chest, walking him back as she walks forward. “Give us a sec T.” She gets a few feet away and shoves harshly, Jax's glares down at her as Tig hisses through his teeth “Well, isn't this just a bunch of bullshit. Let's just find Fat Albert and cave his skull in.” She turns her glare to her father when he speaks his agreement “Second that.” both of her hands reach out to smack both men's heads with a satisfying thud. “Both of you chicken heads shut your holes. All your doing is feeding into the frenzy this albino gorilla in front of me is currently in.” turning her gaze back up to Jax “Don't act like your the only fucking person here to take a much-owed pound of flesh. The only difference between us at the current moment is I'm thinking through my anger and none of you assholes are. So please get on my fucking level or leave.” Bobby stands at her side, his hand on her arm as he talks “Kids right. For 20 years we have had relationships with these people. The Grim Bastards have always backed us, always. Maybe we need to look for a compromise.”

She curls her lip as Jax's shoulders by her, she had no issues calling anyone out on their bullshit, he should know that by now. Turning she stands towards the back with Juan and her father as they return to the Bastards “There was a couple of other guys with your cousin when they took out Opie. Why don't you let us talk to them? We'll get those names, throw him a beating, but we'll let him live.” T’s eyes move between her and Bobby, he knew at one point she had been VP, she knew what he was asking. Keep Jax honest. She nods and T locks eyes with Jax once more “All right. I'll track him down. I'll let you know.” she lets the tension drain from her shoulders, leaning back against the brick wall she slides down to sit, pulling out her pack of cigs she lights one, sliding her sunglasses on she watches Jax take off with a shake of her head. He saw Opie die, him, Chibs and Tiggy saw the whole damn thing so she could understand to a degree the rage. But Opie wouldn't want this club to go down in flames because of his death. She would keep her promise if it fucking killed her.

She doesn't look over as two bodies move to sit down on either side of her, she keeps her gaze straight even as Tigs head comes to rest on her shoulder, his curls brushing her cheek. “Going to Ignore us forever kid?” she leans her head on top of Tigs, a sad smile on her face as Chibs does the same to her other shoulder. “Not forever.” She hears Chibs light another Cig as she tosses the butt of hers into the street. “We understand where you're coming from lass. We know you made a promise to Op. But you need to understand where we are coming from.” She lifts her head, sliding her glasses a little down her nose she turns to look at Chibs as he gazes off to the side. She feels Tig grab her hand, playing with her rings and nails, her heart clinches as it reminds her of Able. “We saw that giant bastard open Opies skull with a lead pipe lass. While we banged on the glass until our knuckles went numb and bloody each one of us left a part of us in the dark, dank room with Op.” She swipes at her cheeks below her glasses, not looking away when he lowers his glasses to lock eyes with her. “Don't Judge us too harshly for what we do as the half men we currently are. We need you girl, more than you know to guide us.” she nods, licking her suddenly dry lips “Your my boys. I'll always guide you. But you make it so hard sometimes.” She closes her eyes when Chibs kisses the side of her head before he stands. Looking up at him she sees he is grinning down at her “We wouldn't be yours if it was meant to be easy.” watching Chibs walk off she raises her none captured hand to come through Tigs wild curls, her eyes finding her husband across the street. His eyes watching her from the shade, he tilts his head, she knew he was asking if she was ok, she nods, a small smile on her face. Now all they had to do was wait.

And the wait wasn't long, apparently, Jax had gone to meet with Pope about Charming Heights and got a nice tidbit of information out of the meeting as well. The boatyard, that's where Randell was hiding. Part of her was suspicious of how Pope knew that but she had come to realize this was Pope's town, they knew charming like the back of their hand, makes sense he would know his turf. Pulling up to the boatyard she sees the bastards bikes lined up near the car Randell almost ran her and Jax down with. Pulling her helmet off she sees T.O heading their way, a look of guilt and shock on his face. Standing next to Jax she arches a brow as T.O speaks “How did you know we were here?” she watches Jax as he replies “A friend. You remember what those are? Don't you?” oh please. Enough with the melodramatics, she sighs “Where is he T?” the man looks down at her, his shoulders slumped a bit “I'm trying Joy. I can't convince him that you won't kill him. I talked to him about Opie. The order was from Pope to take out the guys in county. The guards grabbed Randell for his size it was the guards who set up that kill. You know what it's like to be hired muscle joy.”  

She did, you don't ask questions, do what needs to be done to survive. But she wasn't Prez or VP anymore, she had no say in what happened today. She feels a hand on her shoulder as Tig speaks over her head “so who were the other guys.” T doesn't look away from her as he replies, she knew he was trying to appeal to her better nature, but honestly, after her talk with Chibs and Tig, she didn't know how she felt. “He didn't even know them.” Jax, sensing her unease stand a little in front of her breaking T’s line of sight with her “Let us hear that from him.” T sighs, his chin meeting his chest as he scrubs a hand over his bald head in frustration. Looking back up at Jax he replies “I need your word.” She places her hand on Jax back, he back was like stone under her hand, hard and unmoved as he replies “Yeah. Sure.”

She follows behind Jax as T leads them down to the boats, a flash of red makes her look up. She curses a Randell makes a run for the building, she is shoving past the guys as T yells for his cousin to stop. She shoves the two Grim members who had been with Randell to the side as they try to slow her down. He wasn't getting away again if she could help it, she pulls out her Glock as they make it inside. Seeing Randall aiming at her and the guys she shouts “Put that shit down!”

The taller man yells back “Back off your trying to kill me!” she curls her lip as Jax moves to her side, his gun aimed “No man we just want to talk to you.” she nods, lowering her gun slightly she lets T pass her “They gave me their word Randell. They want info, not your life. Put the gun down man.” she watches him put the gun on the floor, keeping hers in her hand she walks over slowly, her eyes on his hands as he bends down to grab it from the floor. Handing it off to T. She watches Chibs and Jax as they stand next to the giant of a man. “Who else killed our friend?” she feels Tig move to her side, he needed to be closer to this. She got that, Randell sighs “One guy, his name was Aldo. Smith, I think. Other guys, I just knew their first name. Vox and Mace. That's all I know. I swear.” they had names, that was enough for her to do a search, she sees Chibs say something to Jax but she can't make out what. She feels Tigs hand on her arm as she watches Chibs move behind Randell his silences gun blowing out the back of Randells head. She can't process as guns are drawn, she aims both of hers at T, moving away from Tig she stands between T.O’s gun and Chibs and Jax, he wanted them dead he would have to mow her down first. “Jesus Christ! What is this shit? Jax, you gave me your word, man!” she can feel the heat coming off Jax in waves as he places his hand on her shoulder, moving around her to face T on his own “And so did you. You said you were gonna deliver him. You didn't.” everything is still for a moment, she can hear everyone breathing for a solid minute before T lowers his gun, she goes as well. She feels a flood of cold in the pit of her stomach as T speaks to Jax “Who the hell are you?”  

She doesn't know how they got back to their bikes, she is digging around in her backpack once she finds what she needs she forces Chibs to sit on his bike so they are level with each other as she wipes the blood from his face with napkins she keeps for situations like this. She didn't know how she felt yet about what they had done, the bond that was now broken between the Grim Bastards and SamCro. But she knew, right now at this moment that she needed to make sure her family was ok. Once the blood was all gone she grabs a lighter and sets it on fire, no evidence. She doesn't say anything as they all get on their bikes, what can anyone say in a moment like this? The ride back was smooth and quick, her mind never stopped moving, even when they made it back. She feels Juan at her side as he wraps an arm around her, his lips kissing her temple as she watches Bobby chase down Jax “Jax. Jax wait!” she sees Jax turn to Bobby as the group catches up to them she hears what Bobby is saying “You just shit on two decades of brotherhood. What you did back there was wrong. And it hurts all of us.” Jax looks off in the distance for a moment, his eyes lost in something before he turns to Bobby with a new focus “You know, you might be right, but you didn't see the pleasure in that animal's face when he caved in Opie's skull! We did!” she gets between the two men, her hands on Jax's chest, making him look down at her and not focus on Bobby, she tilts her head towards the picnic table and Jax goes without a word. She feels Bobby move around her to head into the clubhouse.  

Staying where she was, she breathes deeply to shake the Image Jax painted when he yelled. Her heart still broke for her living men, no one should see a friend die, let alone the way Opie went out.  she sees a mass of black leather come into her eyesight, she glances up at Tig as he pats her shoulder before looking past her to Jax “I'll go talk to him.” everyone files inside, her husband and father included. She might not be VP anymore but she refused to leave Jax's side like this, he was still her brother. Turning she sees Chibs and Jax watching her, she slowly walks over to the little bit of space left on Chibs side and straddles the bench so she can see them both clearly. As Chibs pulls a pack of Ciggs from his pocket she holds out her lighter to him as he speaks “We did what we had to do, Jackie.” He turns to her as he hands her lighter back once he lights his cigg “I know your off balance lass but you know it had to be done.” she nods, she knew it did but the way it happened could have been better. Jax leans forward, he elbows coming to rest on his knees as he looks between the both of them “I know. Things are gonna get bloody, guys. I'm not sure if Bobby's gonna be able to roll with that. I need to know that I have you both in my corner. I need you both or I'll get lost.”

Her eyes well as she stares at her club brother, Chibs stands seeming to tumble through his own thoughts before tossing his half finish cigg way and turns back to Jax “I've always been there, and I always will. Come here.” she watches Chibs as he stares Jax in the face hard for a moment as he stands before the older man. “I love you, kid. Understand?” Jax nods as Chibs grabs his face, kissing his cheek and bumping his head against the younger man he turns to her, holding his hand out she grabs hold, letting him pull her to her feet she crashes into his side as he wraps an arm around her shoulders, kissing the top of her head. “I love you to girl. I'm gonna get cleaned up.” She pats his back and watches him head inside. Turning to Jax she sees him watching her, turning to face him she gives him a tired grin, her hand coming up to cup his cheek. Watching a very small smile appear to match hers she pats his cheek roughly. “I want to be angry but I can't because I have no idea what you all saw that day in county. It changed something in the three of you I might never understand. But I'm not going to duck and run. I love you all too fucking much to do that. You all will break my heart more times then I'm going to be able to count I get that now, but I will always be right here for you. To yell, to comfort and nurse you idiots. Don't doubt that brother.” he nods, yanking her forward by her cut he holds her tight for a moment, his cheek rested on the top of her head. They would make it through this shit she refused to let it happen any other way.

Later that night

After her talk with Jax, she had buckled down at the shop for a few hours to lighten the load for the next day. Gemma had been around more which helped tremendously, she hoped this was the first steps of Gemma getting her shit together. She had told Juan to head home when he was done and she would meet him there, she needed to drop of her statement to Roosevelt at the police station before heading home and honestly that had been just as draining as she had thought it was going to be. It had gone from running in to drop of her statement to sitting down and going through it and honestly she was tired of having to remember it and picking at it. She was ready to move on. Pulling up to the house she felt her body already losing some of the tension as she sees the porch light on and the living room light shining through the break in her dark curtains. Getting off her bike she makes her way to the door, opening it she expects to find her husband on the couch, asleep or playing one of his many games but when he isn't there she is surprised. She hears the sound of sunny claws on the wood floor, kneeling she wraps her arms around the excited pit with a grin. She scratches his head with both hands as she speaks softly to him. “Hey, my handsome boy. Sorry I haven't been hanging with you much. I'll bring you to work one day this week. Get you out and about. Deal?” she holds her open palm out to him, giggling when he hands her his paw, pressing a kiss to his head she narrows her eyes as she looks around. “Wanna help me find daddy? Sniff him out for me boy.”

She grins when the pup licks her cheek and takes off for the backdoor. Putting her stuff on the side table by the door and sliding off her boots she follows. Seeing the fairy lights on she pushes open the door, letting sunny charge into the yard to play for a minute, when she turns she sees her husband at the outside table, food covered and a smile on his face. She had to bite her lip to stop the wave of emotion as he stands, making his way over to her, she curls herself into his chest as he wraps his arms around her. She inhales deeply as the scent of his body wash swarms her, her hands move to grip his shirt on both sides. “I got your text about being held up with Eli. Thought I would go ahead to do the cooking and did the laundry for you.” she tilts her head back she smiles up at him. “I can tell I'm married because the words ‘I cooked and did laundry’ got me weak in the knees.” he chuckles and shakes his head, looking down he sees Sunny at their feet, letting her go he kneels down and pets over sunny’s  head as the panting dog licks his cheek. “Dinner time pup.” he looks up at her as he continues “Food is still hot. Finished about ten minutes before you pulled up. So all we need is drinks, grab those while I feed him?” she grins, grabbing his face as he moves to stand she pulls him closer, pressing her lips against his she melts into him as he yanks her closer. Pulling back he grins, his brow kicked up “What was that for? Not that I'm complaining.” She smiles, her hands rubbing his shirt covered sides “For being up handsome. Just for being you.” His smile losses the teasing edge as he stares at her, leaning his head down he kisses her forehead before turning to go into the house. She saw the raw emotion before he did though, her husband still wasn't used to being praised, but until the day she died, she would get him used to it.

AN: Hope you liked it. Let me know your thoughts and I'll see you next time. 

[kitanoko]

`30 years too early

todomomo week day 3: Future. What happens when Aizawa introduces a random boy named Kazu to them, asking for them to help him get back home?

genre: comedy/fluff -On a seemingly normal day, todoroki and momo went to school prepared for their weekly math quiz. Math wasn’t todoroki’s best subject, but after Momo’s help the day before, he was slightly more reassured that he’d be able to get an A on this, perhaps even an A+. But right before their first class started, Todoroki over hears Momo and Jirou discussing about some ‘stalker’

-”Who’s stalking you, Yaoyorozu.” Todoroki didn’t even hide the fact that he was eavesdropping. “Is it …” He nodded his head towards Mineta with a glare, and Momo shook her head. She then told him some boy, around their age, had been following her to the dorms.

-That’s really strange seeing how UA’s security system should be top notch? Unless this kid was also a student?

-So after school, Todoroki, Momo and Jirou walk back to the dorms together. He needed to confront whoever this creepo was. Oddly enough, the stalker didn’t show up that day, and Todoroki was left a little disappointed.

-Aizawa called Todoroki and Momo to the office the next day during lunch and Momo had an eerie feeling that something was up. She had sensed sensei eyeing the two of them once in awhile during class AND he would be randomly chuckling too sometimes. What the heck was going on?

-”Maybe I failed the math quiz,” Todoroki suggested, hands in his pockets while walking down the hall beside Momo, “I can’t think of anything else.”

“But why would Aizawa sensei call me too? And no way would Todoroki-san fail that quiz! I have faith!” 

Momo raised her arm enthusiastically to illustrate her point and Todo grinned.

-The big reveal sat in his office when the two had arrived…

“That’s the person who’s been following me…” Momo said and Todoroki scrutinized the kid who sat beside Aizawa stiffly.

Aizawa was attempting to stay loyal to keeping the secret but his comical expression betrayed him. Then the teacher broke into full on laughter. Todoroki raised a brow.

“Sorry, just that I’m so happy for you two,” Their teacher said.

Even more confusion.

The boy shuffled in his seat and opened his mouth to speak, eyeing Todoroki and Momo like they had something he wanted.

“Gramps please.”

“God, I’m still not used to you calling me that,” Aizawa said, “Guys, this is Kazu. And no, before you ask, this is not my grandson. Not really anyway.”

Todoroki and Momo nodded to him and mumbled a greeting.

“Well? Fully introduce yourself.” 

Aizawa had that damn smirk again and Kazu seemed less uncomfortable now, standing to approach them. Todoroki was getting extremely impatient.

“If this isn’t important, I want to get back to having lunch.” Todoroki shifted closer to the door and Aizawa stopped him.

“Hey, don’t you want to talk to your son?”

Todoroki exchanged glances with Momo. Is this some early April Fools prank?

“What son?” Momo darted her gaze from Todoroki back to Aizawa and then to Kazu. 

“Your son. Both of you,” Kazu finally spoke, his voice was deep, “My full name is Todoroki Kazu. My father is the hero Shouto, and well, my mom is Creati.” 

-BTW Kazu has full short, black hair, blue eyes, and a perky nose like Momo

-”What? What the hell?!” Momo said and she mumbled an apology to her mother because Yaoyorozus don’t swear.

Aizawa’s rolling over seeing Todoroki’s jaw slack. It’s rare to see the great Todoroki acting ‘uncool’

-Kazu began to explain that ‘apparently’ some friend of his sent him back in time? With his quirk? And the only way for him to return to his own time is if he fulfills his purpose of coming back…which was…?

Ah screw this. This was friggin’ crazy. Nothing was entering Todoroki and Momo’s brain in coherent sentences. How can they believe this. Heck for all they know, this could be some random kid making this stuff up.

But if it’s true then Kazu’s friend needs to be friggin’ locked up for being so OP.

After Aizawa stood back up from lying on the floor in his worm suit (and he finally stopped laughing) Kazu took out his phone and showed them a family picture of them. Todoroki, appearing way taller than now, with his 5-o-clock shadow, an arm slung around an older (and even more beautiful) Momo. The latter had both of her arms around Kazu, who was holding a giant wrapped present, and she had shoulder length hair as well. The bright grin that graced her lips was shiny with lipgloss. This family picture looked really natural, and the background seemed to be at someone’s house, presumably their own. 

-Okay so during this Phase of Awkwardness, Todoroki and Momo went from standing next to each other to standing FAR from each other. Momo gulped for the third time. The only thing in her mind was:

Their SON flew back from the FUTURE. THEIR son. THEIR SON. SON. THEIR. TODOROKI-SAN AND I. US. SON. WHAT. DOES…DOES THAT MEAN TODOROKI-SAN AND I GET MARRIED? I CAN’T…I CAN’T TAKE THIS

-Todoroki of course was crossing his arms, still in complete denial, super weirded out but trying not to show that on his face, and just studied Kazu with eyes that could drill a hold through his head. 

Kazu returned a gaze just as stern.

Perhaps this WAS his son. 

-Aizawa then explained that he caught Kazu snooping around and given the anomaly that their security system was picking up, he had to confront him. Aizawa suggested Kazu stay here in one of the guest houses with little to no contact with the outside world in case it changes things in the future (ok don’t think too much about details ‘cas time skipping crap is annoying and I’m not a physicist). 

“So how do we help you get back home,” Todoroki started, “Assuming you’re speaking the truth.”

“Dad you’ve never changed. I wonder why Mom loves you so much sometimes given your emotionless facade.”

Todoroki grunted. Seeing Momo’s look of disapproval, Kazu quickly straightened and cleared his throat.

“So I would like you to help me take a picture of Uncle Izuku’s room? Just the posters. My friend needs it. That’s my purpose here since my friend can’t send herself back to the past.”

Aizawa nodded his head a few times interested at the turn of events. 

“Is your friend…related to Midoriya-san?” Momo asked but Kazu pinches his fingers together and does a zipping motion across his mouth.

“I shouldn’t say more than I have to. As Gramps said, it’d change things.”

- After knowing how to help Kazu, their teacher ordered Todoroki and Momo to head back to class now that lunch break was almost over. How was their homeroom teacher expecting them to act after knowing this? Momo avoided Todoroki’s gaze and ran up the hallway herself.

Like her, Todoroki had so many questions. For example, when did Yaoyorozu and him get married? How did they even reach that stage? Does Kazu have siblings…meaning did they have more children? Is he the top hero or is Midoriya or is someone else? Do they have contact with Bakugou or Mineta? Where’s his mother? Where’s Endeavor? Does Fuyumi have a family of her own too? And how about Midoriya…does he marry Uraraka like most people predicted?

So many questions.

But the biggest question really was …what the heck is Kazu’s quirk?

-Of course that night Todoroki and Momo didn’t sleep well. Momo found Todoroki sitting on the couch at the lobby and she reluctantly joined him. He scooched over and let Momo sit beside him with her mug of hot tea (decaf) in hand. They discuss all the things that were swirling in their heads and figured tomorrow would be a good time to ask Midoriya about his posters. 

“What do you think our-” Todoroki paused and continued, sensing Momo’s heated gaze, “son’s quirk is?” 

“I don’t know, maybe fire like yours? He did seem to have a fiery look in his eyes.” 

“I actually think it might be forging things, like you.”

“Huh. Really?”

“Yeah, its a great quirk, I’d hope Kazu has that.”

They both stop to laugh and yes this was totally ludicrous, and seeing how Kazu’s around their age, calling him their son seemed to be awfully funny. Heck, getting used to the idea of both of them being parents together was already absurd enough.

-Midoriya allowed them to take pics of his merchandise with Momo making the excuse of “Todoroki-san and I both want to study All Might’s history and his rise to fame so thank you for letting us take pics of your collection!” 

‘Course Kazu only wanted the posters so they gonna forward only those pics to him. Just didn’t seem as suspicious if they took pics of everything.

Midoriya assured them that there was no way they could find some of the limited edition merch anymore and both of them just nodded wearily. 

-Okay so after Momo sent Kazu the pics. Momo’s like “Well, I think you need to at least give us a reason why your friend needs these?” And then Kazu sighed. 

“Fine, she wanted to find a replica or something of one of these posters ‘cas her dad lost it. That’s all.”

Momo smiled. Her dad must be Midoriya then.

(The three of them are in an alley somewhere btw. Looking suspicious LOL)

Todoroki then goes “And…one more thing. What’s your quirk?”

“Oh, that’s simple, its ice creation.” 

“Isn’t that just making ice like me then?”

“Nope, its a fusion of you and mom’s quirks. Why don’t I demonstrate since no one’s around anyway.”

Kazu opened his palm.

Todoroki and Momo focused on it. They blink.

All of a sudden, a dog figure made completely of ice appeared out of his skin and the dog started to move and sit and play dead and all that. 

“That’s beautiful.” Todoroki said. He’s very proud. “It’s a very impressive quirk, just like yours, Yaoyorozu.”

Momo blushed at the compliment and Kazu smirked after melting the dog within his finger tips. 

“I guess you’re pretty cool too when you’re young, Dad. And of course Mom is as patient as she always will be. Any time now,” Kazu said, “I’ll go poof and be gone back to my own time. year 2048.”

Momo patted his head affectionately. It’s sorta sad how she met him for such a short amount of time (but Kazu reassured her that there are many years to come where they will spend lots of time together).

 There’s a connection between them, there really is no doubt about it. She sent Todoroki a knowing smile and he took a deep breath.

30 years later, they’ll have a son named Kazu. Who knew.

Bonus: 

thanks for reading my weird fanfic/headcanon thing!

- so the friend of Kazu is actually the child of Midoriya, the mom…I don’t know :P

 -Kazu was able to get through UA security despite it showing an anomaly is ‘cas Kazu is gonna be a UA student 30 years later and they use a security system with the same foundation just updated of course

-Kazu’s stats are pretty much like Momo’s 

-Kazu’s name means ‘peace’! 

-Yes, Kazu has siblings ;)

[scripttorture]

I have a character who was never held as a child, never given any physical affection and was kept in a lab and experimented on (needles, etc.) for the first six years of his life. He was trained as a weapon of sorts as well. years later he still trusts almost no-one, what would I have to do to make a romantic relationship realistic? (Sorry if this makes no sense) тнαик уσυ!!（*＾3＾）

OK so I’ve consulted with members of the Script Family who know a lot more about childhood developmentthan I do and there’s a good chance that your character wouldn’t live intoadulthood.

 Insufficient touch at an early age is linked to a host of conditions andimpairments in human children. The mechanism is more thoroughly studied in rats(for rather obvious ethical reasons) but the essential conclusion is this:gentle, caring touch is essential for childhood development.

 There’sa short academic review paper on the subject here which covers humans and rats(and worms but that’s not relevant to your story). There’s a moreaccessible piece in Scientific American here. Basedon these papers I think whatever you decide you need to remove the ‘lack oftouch’ as an element in your story.

 You want this to be realistic so I think the most helpful thing I can dois start suggesting alternatives rather than try to go into depth aboutchildhood development (an area where my knowledge is patchy at best).

 I have issues with the motif of children being raised as ‘weapons’. I’vespent too much time reading about (and seen too many) child soldiers to feeleasy treating it as pure fantasy (the way I gather most audiences from richstable countries do).  

 I’m saying that as statement of bias- from what you’ve described I don’tthink it’s an element you ‘have’ to change but I think you need to think aboutwhich of these background elements you’ve included is most important to yourstory.

 Basically what I think you need to decide is which of these things is most important to the story:

 1)     The character was raised as aweapon and is an effective fighter

2)     The character was used as asubject in unethical experiments

3)     The character was tortured

 The reason you can’t realistically include all of those elementstogether is because they all reduce the efficiency of each other.

 A character who is tortured willbe a less effective fighter and torture would add another unaccounted forvariable into a scientific study which would basically make any data gathereduseless.

 A character who is used as an experimental subject couldn’t be effectively trained as a fighter without alsodisrupting the experiments.

 The best way to achieve point 1) is to raise the character in a loving, caring environment (includinghaving positive reinforcement, caring parental figures and touch). Thecharacter’s kind, caring, lovingparental figures would then teach the child about war, weapons and fighting inmuch the same way a normal parent would introduce teaching a child to read.They would lavish praise on him and teach him that he is part of somethingbigger, a glorious cause.

 And if they did it ‘right’ he would grow up mentally healthy, welltrained and perfectly willing to kill for them.

 I’vewritten about scenarios like this before and you might find this ask helpful.

 The best way to achieve point 2) is to get rid of any notion thatthe character is being trained for anything and remember that in this scenario any torture is secondary.

 Serious scientists do not setout to cause animal experimental models more pain. If your character is beingtreated like an experimental animal then that means any pain he experienceswill be secondary to what thescientists are interested in.

 Let me give you an example: the case of Elsie Lacks.

 Elsie was committed to a mental ward as a child in America during the50s. Elsie was mentally handicapped (the diagnosis of the time was ‘idiocy’)she was epileptic and deaf. She was also black.

 Elsie was used in at least two, and possibly more, medical experiments.There’s no evidence the hospital sought consent and given her age andcapacities Elsie may not have been capable of giving it. One involved insertingmetal probes into patient’s brains. The other drained the fluid from apatient’s skull so the brain could be x-rayed, a procedure that causes dizziness,vomiting, seizures and headaches for months while the skull refills with fluidand can also cause permanent brain damage and paralysis. Elsie died aftermaking herself vomit for six months. By the end she was bringing up clottedblood. She was 15.

 The pain Elsie suffered was notthe point.

 The people who did this to her did notgo out of their way to cause her greater suffering. They treated her like anobject, another part of the test. They acted in a manner that was systematic, reproducible,recorded and wrong.

 Torture is not reproducible. It is rarely recorded. It is notsystematic. And it always treats pain, cruelty and neglect as the point rather than as a secondaryfactor.

 Which brings me to scenario 3).

 Torture and abuse doesn’t mesh well with science. It’s usually conductedimpulsively with little regard for any controlling factors.

 Torturers usually use multiple techniques and they will generallycombine techniques. They often misjudge how much damage they’ve caused whichcommonly results in serious injury or the victim’s death.

 This doesn’t mean they always leave scars. Some techniques, what I referto as ‘clean’ torture, don’t leave obvious external marks. This can maketorture incredibly hard to detect and prove.

 Deaths from clean torture techniques are often attributed to accidentsor an underlying health condition in the victim (for instance a sudden heartattack, stroke or organ failure).

 The pattern of abuse is generally that torturers use a lot of techniquesvery quickly, over a period of perhaps the first three days. After that theytend to start to lose interest in the particular victim and start concentratingtheir efforts on other individuals.

 In the longer term (ie months) what you tend to see is an irregularcycle of intense abuse, followed by longer periods when the victim ismore-or-less ignored.

 How to approach the question ofyour character having a romantic relationship as an adult depends on which ofthese three points is important to you in the story.

 In scenario 1) where the character is primarily a soldier/weapon I’dtreat it as if he’d escaped from a cult. Difficulty trusting his partner andhaving to take the relationship incredibly slowly both seem reasonable. Therelationship would probably also bring up a lot of self-doubt for thecharacter. His partner would probably contradict everything he was taught aboutpeople outside the organisation that raised him. He might find himself thinkingabout his childhood a lot and recognising ‘new’ things that were wrong orpoisonous about it.

 He might find innocent things his partner did reminded him of his ‘family’and ‘training’.

 You mightfind this BBC article, which interviews a woman who left a US cult, helpful forwriting that sort of scenario.

 In scenarios 2) and 3) your character would, realistically, have a lotof serious mental health problems. Youcan find out more about the common symptoms of torture here, these symptomswould also apply to someone used in unethical experimentation.

 We can’t predict which individual would develop which symptoms and notall victims experience all symptoms.

 From a writing perspective that means picking symptoms from the list andshowing them consistently impacting your character’s life. I advise pickingsymptoms based on what you feel fits the character and the story, for suchprolonged abuse at such a young age I’d say around 5 severe symptoms is a goodball-park figure but don’t be afraid to use more than that.

 The issues the character would encounter with a romantic relationshipwould be dependent on his symptoms. But generally speaking I’d expect him to finda romantic relationship, or indeed anylong term relationship extremely difficult. Perhaps cripplingly difficult.

 Healthy relationships are hardwork. It isn’t unrealistic for a character with such severe mental healthproblems to be in a long term relationship butthere are a lot of good reasons why a person in his position might choose not to be in a relationship.

 There is nothing wrong with a character putting his health first. And….essentiallyif this is the character’s first romantic relationship and he went through sucha prolonged and traumatic experience as a child I think he’d have to put his health before therelationship.

 I don’t mean he’d have to break off the relationship. I mean that hispartner would probably have to accept things like:

           ‘I know you spentmonths planning this holiday for us together but I’m going to have to cancel atthe last minute while in the airport because going through security is givingme a panic attack.’

           ‘I know you wanted us togo out for your birthday but my anxiety is awful today and I can’t leave thehouse.’

           ‘I know we were havinga lovely meal, but I’ve just been triggered and I’m now going to spend half anhour having a flashback in the restaurant bathroom.’

 Not everyone is accepting of these knock-on effects of mental healthproblems. Not everyone is OK with having to suddenly drop everything going onin their day because their partner is feeling suicidal.

 Even people who are acceptingof their partner’s health problems will make mistakes. They will almostcertainly accidentally trigger things, say things that feed into mental healthproblems or do small things that make the issue worse.

 There’s a lot in this scenario that I strongly advise you to re-thinkand re-write if you want something even close to realism. Until you make adecision about what sort of background you’d like the character to have I can’tgive more detail on how it would affect his future romantic relationships.

 Nonetheless I hope it helps you with your story and if you decide youwould like to make the character’s background more realistic I’d be happy tohelp with any further questions you have about how that would affect his adultlife and relationships. :)

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