#thebedyouvemade

[starbuck09256]

The Bed You’ve Made Part 4

conthe ivf works but Mulder is sleeping with Diana.

Part 1 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183232727829/the-bed-youve-made

Part 2 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183599512139/the-bed-youve-made-part-2

Part 3https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/184118948364/the-bed-youve-made-part-3

Scully waits for him outside the doctors office, he feels her nervous energy until she sees him. It’s almost like she melts, her whole face lights up. He tries to think of Diana and getting to the bottom of what she knows but all he thinks about is Scully's face looking more beautiful than ever. That he is about to hear his childs heartbeat for the first time that the two of them have so many complicated decisions ahead of them, and he grins at her just thinking about watching this life grow inside of her.

“Hey,” he says sheepishly.

“Hi,” she reaches up on her tiptoes to brush her lips across his cheek.

He doesn’t want that, he wants to kiss her, he’s almost lost the sensation of her kiss from a few days ago. He turns and kisses her chastly like she had done just days ago on her perfect plump lips. Her blush is almost as red as her hair.

“Careful a girl could get use to that,” her eyes twinkle with her words and he chuckles looking at his shoes.

“You ready?” he asks gesturing to the door. She wraps her fingers with his and nods as he opens the door for them.

He chews on his lip as Scully starts to undress, he starts to turn away but the zipper on her skirt gets caught.

“Mulder could you umm...pull this down a bit, it seems to be snagged.”

He reaches over she has already taken off her shirt and bra and is covering up her breasts. His breath catches in his throat as he realizes she is wearing a matching set of lacy navy blue bra and panties they seem to be similar to Diana’s but in the same color as his favorite shirt of Scullys. The striking contrast is cosmic. He has trouble breathing.

“These match that shirt you sometimes wear.” he isn’t sure why he says anything maybe it’s because her skin is so impossible soft against his palm, maybe it’s because she can’t stop smiling at him and he can’t help the lingering taste of her lips on his.

“You said that shirt looked nice,” she can barely breathe his hand is stuck on her ivory skin and both of them feel the crack of lightning in the room. Her words dance in his head for a moment before realization hits.

“You bought these because they match the shirt?” his eyes dance up to hers.

She’s looking towards the wall with the computer screen and small chair she slowly nods shallowing hard as she turns towards him. He sits back air whooshing out of his lungs like he ran up 10 flights of stairs. She’s about to admit so much, tell him how she wants a chance for them, that she’s always wanted him, and not just as some donor, she wants a chance to love him like he deserves but as always they are interrupted with a soft knock on the door and the moment is lost.

Mulder stands next to her, eyes fixed to the screen hand holding hers, just like she asked,  as their child not even the size of a lime illuminates the room, they hear a strong heartbeat like a hundred running horses and she is already so in love. As they ask a few questions Mulder asks for extra pictures, and at first the idea thrills her, that he wants his own copies.

He really is going to be involved in everything, but then he asks a series of other questions, investigator type questions. Questions that are designed in introductory investigative techniques to suspects. Her blood boils, does he not think she did her research? That she would trust anyone to give her her true heart's desire. Does he really think she doesn’t have those same doubts of how this worked when all the evidence and numbers said it should of failed? Tears burn in her throat and when the doctor asks if she has any other concerns. She looks up, Mulder is looking down at his feet, tracing a small imaginary line on the floor.

She asks for copies of everything, charts, records, notes, every single thing they have ever written down thought or observed in relation to her care. Mulder turns and looks at her, his eyes meet hers and it is now that she understands that his doubt isn’t his own, or her own. But other forces are involved and all she wants to do is collapse in a dark room and cry. She says nothing, he waits with her, while copies are made she asks for duplicates of everything, as the rain drenched parking lot looms before them she reaches the end of her resolve turning to him with the extra stack of her whole life and shoving it into his chest.

“You don’t think I thought this was impossible? You don’t think I’ve doubted this every single second?” her tears slide down her face mingling with the rain as anger fills her up where joy should be.

“Scully.. I just want to make sure.. Make sure this is what we want, don’t you? Don’t you want to make sure that we aren’t falling into some torturous elaborate plan, that ends painfully for both of us?”

“I WAS THERE” she screams “I was there for every single test, every single minute that this process was done, NOT YOU, Me Mulder, why would they even care?? They burned the files, got rid of the evidence, Nothing is even left in that damn basement but pain and sorrow, and answers we will never ever get.” she is so mad she is shaking as the rains cascades along her face.

He steps back, realization dawned on him. “

You never wanted to get them back did you? After we lost the evidence from Gibson, the basement gone. Is this what this is Scully? Did they finally get to you, is this the deal you took, a child for my life’s work?”

She steps forward challenging him as she always has.

“Our life’s work Mulder, not just yours, OURS, you think I would ever even think of betraying you?” he scoffs biting his lip.

He takes a step back, “I think that you deserve to be happy Scully, truly you do, I think you deserve a normal life with normal things like wonderful children, and I think after everything that has happened and all that has been lost, you might not even realize, that they know that too, how much you long for it, and that you unknowingly have been played as I have been so many times before and I don’t know if either of us can handle the devastation this...this could bring upon us.”

He’s right fuck, he is so right, after Emily she was broken in a way she didn’t even know was possible. She’s already in love with their child, already thinking about the years ahead of them, the sheer joy and happiness, and unwavering devotion. She throws up her hands and steps to him letting her head rest against his chest as his arms incircle her.

“I never not even for one second believed you would betray me.” he mutters kissing the rain drops off her forehead. “I think you have a dangerous chip in your neck, that might have more control then we’ve ever believed. I think that..they know, just how important you are to me.” she sniffles.

“What can we do?” she asks her voice small but her eyes are fierce.

“We can throw them off the scent a bit,” she looks up at him questioning.

“I’m seeing Diana,” she pulls back. Looking past him into the dark clouds.

“I know” she states biting her lip.

“I think she is here to derail us split us up,”

Scully nods.

“But Scully, she is more dangerous and calculating than I ever thought possible, we need to play this so close to the chest. We can’t slip up, we can’t let our emotions dedicate our moves. She is cold and calculating and a master in everything manipulative.” Scully looks at him,

“Is she the one who said I made this deal?”

Mulder can’t help but chuckle. Diana is way too smart for that.

“No, she said that you are the only reason I’m alive and that they are going to use you against me, that I had to be careful to protect you.”

Scully is taken back her words rushed

“Damn, she is .. good.”

“She knows more than she ever lets on, she wants me to meet a contact tonight in Nevada…”

“I should come with you,” Scully now terrified for all three of them.

“Normally I would never want to risk it, you are my weakness Scully... but more importantly you are my strength. I think we need to be very careful about splitting up in the next few months.”

She nods and rubs her face.

“You’re going to be sick of me,” he teases.

She laughs and he kisses her deep with purpose, it’s mesmerizing being kissed by him. As they pull apart he rests his forehead against hers. “Wow,” she smiles. His fingers interlace both of hers.

“Do you have a plan?’ she mutters. Hoping to god he has some idea of what to do.

“Not really, but my partner is brilliant and I’m hoping that on a flight to vegas she she’ll come up with something.” she looks up at him and prepares to follow him to the airport.

@scully-eats-sushi @contrivedcoincidences6 @knuffelkontje@tngbabe@danaedaniels @itsclaucueva @sandymans-world@lappina@postmodernpromartheus @missmelimelis0900 @foxystarbucks@skinny-gillian @gwensghosts @wendyi111 @peacenik0@monaiargancoconutsoy@marinafrenzy @improlificinsarcasm @today-in-fic

[starbuck09256]

The bed you’ve made Part 2

Author Notes: I know I know I’m terrible person for not getting this out sooner. I’m so sorry. Life right? A huge thank you to @peacenik0 for fixing my terrible grammer and making sure this stays in character (grammer can slide but characterization is a big one for me). Thank you to all the wonderful peeps who said they wanted to read more, I love those notes and those totally fuel me through the day with positive energy. Ok so stop rambling and post the dang fic!

the ivf works but Mulder is sleeping with Diana.

Part 1 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183232727829/the-bed-youve-made Part 2 The bed you’ve made 

Scully leaves quickly with another chaste kiss on his cheek. That smile of hers is going to be imprinting on his brain. His cheek still tingles from her kisses. His penis still limp from his escapades with Diana. He closes the door. Letting his head rest against the oak door. Fuck he thinks. Diana says nothing gathering her things. The bra shoved under the side of his couch. She looks at him with those cold eyes of hers, he once thought he could seek solace in them, the darkness wrapping him up in a warm cocoon. What the fuck is he doing? What does he do? He told Scully, he fucking told her he didn’t want to change anything. How does a .002% chance work? He thinks of all the times she’s saved his ass, going to the north pole, pulling him out of that shit camper in the middle of nowhere, when they tried to upload him into a simulation. That’s how it works, every time they have a .002% chance of survival and somehow, someway, those odds are in their favor.

Diana stands silently waiting for him to break the tension in the room, with not the impatient sigh he is used to from Scully, not an accusatory tone or doubt creeping into her voice. Diana isn’t like Scully, not in looks, not in spirit, not in mind. After a few short years together, Mulder has seen inside Diana’s mind, she is cold and calculating in a way that shocked him at first. She showed him how simple it is to care and not care all at the same time. That people care only for themselves in that moment, and only if those feelings will benefit them long term.

Diana doesn't  bring any feelings into this, she probably didn’t have any the first time either, now that he thinks about it in a rational way. But she did have the intelligence, his weakness is smart women, women like Scully, Phoebe, not that they are anything alike. But damn if smart isn’t the sexiest thing to him. DIana is no exception to this so smart in execution, in planning, in every last detail. She doesn’t believe in .002% chances. She works each system and finds each loophole, each small flaw and strikes to her full advantage. She took the x-files because they were never going to give them back to him. Used her own leverage to play both sides. At least that's what she has told him. Another way to steer him towards her own agenda, he wanted to believe so bad that she came back for them, that one day after she had left and he felt destroyed that she would put him back together again the way the x-files had done the first time. She knew, god, she knew that he would do anything to keep the things that make him feel validated. Originally it was her, validating his beliefs that the paranormal might really be an explanation for it all, that the answers were hidden for them to find together, now she was using the same idea to keep them for herself. Anger had raged through him when he found out she had been assigned and not him and Scully. “fox, they weren't going to hand them back to you. After everything we went through to get them in the first place? Shouldn't at least one of us have them?” Almost like Scully in rationalizing her position. Scully doesn't rationalize being a traitor, stealing something away from him. Scully would fight tooth and nail for injustice. But scully like him doesn't have the files, Diana is holding them hostage. Using his love of mystery and intrigue to keep him close to her, keep him invested in their fucked up version of fuck buddies. She lets him hack into Spenders files, she brings over a case file while wearing  lingerie in his favorite color. What is her end game here? Split him up from Scully?

His precious Scully does she have lingerie like this deep navy with lace edges? Would Scully let him use her to his own selfish ends? Is he any better than the supposed man who is his real father? Using women to meet his own selfish needs, playing the odds to propel his own cause? IS he any better than Diana? Hasn’t he used his own mind games on Scully? Keeping her with him by using her own love for him against herself? He pulled that card in the hallway. Manipulated her feelings for him to give her false hope? Was it really false? Was he not working out some hidden desire to have his cake and eat it too? Have Scully and the x-files? What should he do now? Should he say nothing? Pray that Scully doesn’t come back, that she didn’t see the bra. That elation has blinded her extraordinary investigator skills, and buys him some time. He needs time. Diana touches his arm, it’s brief non-threatening, Diana is too good at this, good at making things seem as they are, pretending there is no deep agenda. He looks up at her, losing himself again in pools of black with specs of gold.

“I’ll see you later,” her voice soft and void of any emotion.

He use to love that about her, that she could separate herself so effortlessly. Scully shows emotion, she has rage and pain, fear and anger, and as of just now she has joy and love. How could he get involved with two women at the same time, after having  no one for six years? The world is cruel. He swallows hard opening the door for her to step out into the hallway. The hallway he almost kissed Scully. A kiss that luckily ended, because it was out of desperation, desperation to keep her by his side. Isn't that what he is doing with Diana now, using sex as a desperate plea for her to give him access?

Diana slips past, there is no kiss goodbye, no acknowledgement of what has happened. He groans as closes the door. He’s not sure what the next steps are, he’s not sure he wants to know. He thinks maybe sleep to use his dreams to once again answer his questions. Maybe that’s what has been going on now, he’s been dreaming of Scully, dreaming of a life together. Does he really want that? Or is he trying compensate for his own guilt? A life he doesn’t want or need, a life that might cost him the only thing Diana thinks he cares about. A child though is different, it's an answer he hasn't wanted to ask. What's at the end of the road? Where does this end and how badly does it hurt?

He is lucky, the weekend passes quickly, Scully doesn’t show up again unannounced. She gives him space, he isn’t sure that it’s good, he figures that his luck has clearly run out. She knows about Diana, and she is taking her time to come up with a way to let him out. But now all he thinks about is a daughter with her eyes, a son with his nose. A child with a stubborn loyalty who will be far too smart for their own good. He still doesn’t know what to do, what to say. Does he go to the appointments? Will he get to hear his childs heartbeat in her body. Will he be there to cut the cord? Will she let him? Does he want her to? Does he give up his quest, his crusade and lose sight of justice? What if he does, what if he gives it up and in 5 or 10 years it all shatters anyway because he didn’t bother to stop it? That the day comes while he is sitting in a parent teacher conference discussing why his child already knows how to dissect worms and speak Klingon. But the aliens knocking at the door are where the real fear should lie?

He groans pulling on his running shoes for the third time today. Maybe exhaustion will win out? Maybe their child will love the feel of the wind rushing pass as the sounds of their footfall hit the earth in cadence.

It’s Monday morning. He feels better, he has a plan he is going to play it cool. Take a play out of the Diana book. This is Scullys’ call, she can be the one to tell him what she’s looking for, what she wants from him, and he can hope that saying yes was enough, that she understood this was her decision and while he wants her to be happy he also won’t sacrifice himself. He brings Scully her favorite coffee and a blueberry scone. He wants to see that smile again, the one that lit up her whole face when she told him. He wants to feel her happiness radiating through his body, it’s almost as good as an x-file.

Diana is an issue though, one that he can’t ignore.  The file she slipped him yesterday was thrilling, a new case filled with his favorite things. Diana plays games in a way that makes phoebe look like a novice, she’s said nothing of seeing Scully as his house or the conversation, she left and only met him yesterday to give him a breadcrumb but still kissed him deeply. She is playing the same game as him, the wait and see if it works out game. Wait to let Fox fuck it up to let his guard slide. He wonders if this will be the catalyst for her to slip up as well. Will he finally see what her end game is? She was always a master at chess. When they met Gibson all he could think about is how Diana could beat him. Was this the surprised move that will make the queen fall. Will she need to sacrifice herself?

The crowded bullpen of agents on phones as fingers fly across keyboards, he steers clear trying to navigate the cramp quarters. Chatter reaching into his brain makes him miss the basement; the quiet mornings of coffee and crullers especially the sound of the slides clicking through the spindle.There she is in his favorite blue shirt, the one that makes her eyes sparkle slightly more her hair shine so brightly. Has she always looked so breathtaking? Has he been so consumed that he never bothered to notice?

Scully smiles and blushes all at once at him. He can’t help but smile back at her holding up the treats. As he walks to her desk, Mulder wonders what new literal crap Kersh has shoved down their throats this week. She looks up at him. Her eyes shining and her skin glowing in the terrible fluorescent lights.

“Hi,” she chuckles still blushing. You’d think she spent the whole weekend sprawled out in his bed.

“Hey,.. I uh brought you coffee.”  he mutters she looks up at him. Has she always smiled like that? Has it always made his heart melt like this. Is he sure this is a good idea? Can he really try to play it cool with her? The only person who sees through him like no one else?

“Is it ummm… decaf?” she whispers the last word. He is confused, they’ve had numerous discussions of decaf coffee being the most pointless thing on the planet, there is a time and place for decaf coffee; and that is never and in the trash. Her hand reaches out to his brushing it briefly.

“Let’s umm go for a quick walk huh? The fresh air will be good.” He follows her as she walks around a desk trying to look incompiscous but running into the edge of the table, biting her lip and groaning. He wants to reach out to her but she shakes her head. She points to the scone left in it’s little white bag on her desk. “Bring the scone, I’m starving.” he grabs it quickly as they head out.

They are sitting on the bench at the mall. The one they always sit at and debate flukeman and AI, where they’ve made the list of people they would come back and haunt if such things are possible. Kersh now in the top five for both of them. She is looking around nervously. He’s nervous too, he isn’t sure what to do, what they are. Why she would ever want to drink decaf? She reaches into the bag and takes a big hunk of scone. Originally he thought they would share like they always do but she is already ripping another large piece off as the sugar crystals scatter across her lips, oh pregnant right . He smiles softly.

“Sorry,” she mumbles between bites covering her mouth with her hand. He sighs looking around at the reflecting pool thinking of a time in this same place not so long ago when Diana said she needed to go to Europe to pursue their joint interest. A temporary assignment to find out what they knew from the inside. He wonders if that is what is going on now, or if the years have molded her resolve to their own agenda.

Scully’s warm hand lands on his arm. Bringing him back to the present. The cherry blossoms are blooming framing them on this small bench with years of meetings.

“where did you go?” her voice curious.

“just thinking about all the times we've sat on this bench.” he smiles at her, his inner struggles aside.

She takes a small sip of her coffee. “I'm going to miss this,” she gestures to the coffee. “no full lead for 9 months.” he shallows hard staring out at the reflection of blossoms dancing in the wind. “Mulder, I know it's a lot to process, and honestly I know that I probably took advantage of our unique relationship in asking you.” he waits trying to still play it cool as her fingertips grip his. She didn't take advantage he did, he agreed to something trying to keep a balance and now he's so unsure if he can handle the consequences. He wants to run away like when he was 12.

“What are you looking for here, Dana?” he knows he shouldn't use those words. He knows he is the one that brought this shit show home to roost. She sighs but doesn't release his hand. She is warm anchoring him here like she always has. He rubs his face with his free hand. He doesn't want to pull away from her.

“Ideally?” she asks, hesitant. He feels the nervous energy around them. It's so different now, they've never been really nervous with one another. He turns looks at her, as she licks her lips as she moves her head back to regard him fully.

“yea ideally.” He is curious. She used medical reasons to justify asking him, used her concerns of tampering as another. She takes a big breath. Breathing out slowly and biting her lip. He feels her anxiety, it's washing over her in waves.

“I would… god this is so hard.” She deflates closing her eyes. She turns fully pulling their hands into her lap. He laughs a little, his surefire partner who backs down from nothing. He reaches up touching her chin smiling at her urging her to continue. He needs these answers before he can deal with everything else. Where are we going with this Scully? What do you need? What can I do? What should I do? Direct me because I’ve done a terrible fucking job doing what I what. He hopes she answers his pleas. Hopes she understand that he needs more guidance than ever right now.  

“I want you involved in… well everything as much as you want to be” a smiles plays at her lips.

He sits back surprised.

“I would love it if you could be at the big appointments at least, maybe hold my hand.” She says sheepishly. “I'm scared, i have no idea how to do this and you always..”

She licks her lips again before swallowing hard. “you always center me, make me feel brave.”

He chuckles at her. He centers her, of all the things he has said and done he never imagined he made anyone feel centered. He sits back. He needs to think about what he wants needs to reassess. He needs time.

“when is your next appointment? And um what is it for?” his voice sounds stronger than he feels

She grins. “it's umm Thursday at 3 for the first ultrasound. It's umm a big one, we should be able to hear a heartbeat,” she finishes with a whisper.

He nods he stands up pulls her up with him. Tucks a strand of bright red hair behind her ear.

“I'll be there,”

that megawatt smile is back “really?” she questions, of course she does, she is Dana Scully but  he sees the joy shining through her.

“yea, I want to be there for that,” he says smiling.

She has tears in her eyes and she wraps her arms around him. Hugging him fiercely. She pulls back and kisses him. He hesitates but her lips are full and tender. She must sense his hesitation because she pulls back quickly. Muttering a sorry as she picks up the trash.

“sorry, that I'm just..” She trails off embarrassed. He is too.

“We should get back.” he mutters she nods. He follows her out of the park, but doesn't place his hand on her back. He has just complicated the shit out of his life. His phone rings and he remembers lunch with Diana a new source a new file, a quick fuck at her house. He tells scully in a scruffy voice.

“I have to take this, I'll see you later,” she nods turning quickly.

He knows she saw the name, and the look on her face proves she did see the bra on his floor. She knows he's with Diana. His lips still tingle with sweet sugar from her kiss and he isn't sure how to breathe anymore. As he watches her walk away he sees her shoulders slum as the elation from moments ago brushed off, and defeat takes over her familiar stride.

I’m not leaving it like this promise. 

Tagging the peeps who asked and some extras :)

@scully-eats-sushi @contrivedcoincidences6 @knuffelkontje @tngbabe @danaedaniels @itsclaucueva @sandymans-world @lappina @postmodernpromartheus @missmelimelis0900 @foxystarbucks @skinny-gillian @gwensghosts @wendyi111 @peacenik0 @monaiargancoconutsoy @marinafrenzy @improlificinsarcasm @today-in-fic

[starbuck09256]

The bed you’ve made

The Ivf works the first time but Mulder is sleeping with Diana.

Part 1

He hears Scully's’ familiar knock on his door. He swallows hard, thinks of the things he should clean up so she doesn’t make some bad yet accurate assumptions, he’s not sure what he is doing. He looks at the coffee table with the two drink glasses, he searches the floor for Diana’s bra, hoping that Scully misplaced her key and waits for him to open his door.  Scully and him have done this dance for so long, he isn’t sure where they are really headed. Before Diana came back after the cancer, Scully had seemed so different touching him more inviting him over more. He wasn’t ready then, wasn’t ready to take that leap with her. How funny that he would run away for the brightest star in the world. He thought he was after Jerse but then cancer. But now after Emily he just wants things to be less complicated. He wants to have sex and not have it be some deep meaningful emotional roller coaster of arguing and complexity. Diana is comfortable, familiar. He knows what she likes, that she goes back to her place when they are done. That it isn’t them getting back together it’s just comfortable. While she wrecked him before, he had the x-files to hide his sorrow. Now she uses the x-files to make him feel alive. She brings secret files to him. Lets him look things over, gives him access. If he pays for that price with his body, he’s more than willing to make that trade for his fix.

Scully though, she is more complicated. Everything with her is complicated and hard, exhausting to argue with, she makes him work for it. Now though she isn’t fighting for the x-files, she is content to be a lakey in the motor pool of background checking sludge. She’s focused on her own personal life. He can’t blame her, so much taken from her. So much lost, those ovum he found suddenly a light in a path of darkness. That’s her fix, the possibility of normalcy. While he should jump at the chance to just be for once, he can’t help knowing that what he saw in Antarctica is coming for them, much sooner than they thought. Scully though she doesn’t think like that, she thinks of tests and trials of how long it takes for science to make those leaps. She wants to savor being saved, she wants a family of her own. He understood it, understood that she didn’t have the same burning quest as him. She didn’t feel the files in her soul. He isn’t sure what she saw, what she sees in him even. He meant what he said that he owed her everything, and like Diana she asked for something seemingly small. Not completely insignificant, just a chance to have her child mixed with genes she trusted, someone she knew. Someone she loved and him being flattered and realizing how much he had stolen from her in the first place agreed. He’s not sure exactly why, he researched the chances knows that the chance of success is so minut, miniscule even that agreeing after research was almost a way to keep the status quo. He could give her what she wanted almost without consequence. But lately it’s like his subconscious has run away with the possibilities as it often has. He sees a boy on the beach building a spaceship. He sees her asleep next to him with his child maximizing her small frame. Her voice singing “Jeremiah was a bullfrog” with a small bundle in a ridiculously looking alien hat. The last 4 weeks every night a new dream, vision of them, him building rockets with their son, her saying goodbye to their child at school. A house in the country like he mentioned a few years ago. Comfortable easy, uncomplicated. The dreams always pleasant and then somehow shaping into something different when he tries to free himself.

He doesn’t want normal he wants to see what goes bump in the night. He wants to chase the monsters and the ghosts until he has to use a motorized scooter. He wants to believe he will save the world. Her knock again a little louder now, with her voice calling “Mulder? Are you there?”

He can’t avoid her, he doesn’t want to, her voice sounds different than normal. She sounds happy. He thinks of all the things that have happened lately wonders what would bring on such a joyous feeling.

He opens the door and before he knows it she throws her arms around him. “Mulder oh my god, it worked Mulder it worked.” He thinks quickly, not remembering that she had the follow-up appointment to see if the in vitro had work. She is kissing his cheek and he feels the tears on her face as his arms wrap around her too. She radiants jubilants and he can't help but smile into her hair. She pulls back “sorry,” she mumbles running her fingers under her eyes. She is still grinning from ear to ear. “We’re gonna be parents,” she laughs and hugs him again. He shallows the deep lump in his throat. He meant what he said that he didn’t want to change things between them. They are best friends, and it seems like his desire for less complexity has fallen on deaf ears. In the corner of his eye Diana stands with her toothbrush in her hand and a questioning look on her face. As he pulls Scully closer in his arms.

tagging friends @scully-eats-sushi @today-in-fic @improlificinsarcasm @peacenik0 @lappina @marinafrenzy 

[starbuck09256]

The Bed You’ve Made Part 3

Part 1 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183232727829/the-bed-youve-made

Part 2 https://starbuck09256.tumblr.com/post/183599512139/the-bed-youve-made-part-2

He studies his face in the mirror. The last 3 days taking a toll on him. Diana stayed over twice, she hasn't done that in years. Scullys’ kiss is still burned on his lips somehow laying claim to him. It's so unconventional. Today is the ultrasound. The gods blessed him by having Scully consult at Quantico the last two days. Diana comes behind him, her eyes matching his in the mirror. She found a contact in Nevada for him. One who can get him information on how the military has been using alien technology on fighter jets. She got lucky had Spender go consult on some demon baby case without her so her and Mulder could fly there together. Another strategic move by Diana, another question on what the end game is.

“are you going to make the flight?” Diana’s voice pulls him out of a trance as she reaches around him to grab her earrings off the sink. How weird it is to see her stuff scattered again amongst his. He promised Scully he would be there for the appointment, already being pulled in another direction of getting evidence that he could use to get the X-Files back. “I booked myself on the red-eye, just in case Kersh gets the idea to track your movements you'll have plausible deniability.” He says it calmly as he cleans his razor and starts to shave. Diana watches him for moment. Diana knows him, knows his half truths and avoiding gaze but not like Scully knows him, Scully would have noticed him withdrawing the last few days, muddling through the nights with less vigor. Does he really want to continue this thing with Diana? Is it finally time to let all this rest? Forget his life work and settle for anything Scully could give him? What would Diana think or do? Has Diana even noticed?  Maybe Diana doesn't care like Scully does.

Diana reaches out touching his arm, “I don't want you to lose focus Fox, we want the same things, we need proof, you are so close, it might be time to limit other distractions.”

Mind reading is apparently Diana’s new skill set. Interesting to know  she does actually care. What’s her goal with this? Maybe it is separate him from Scully, maybe she doesn’t like him having a new woman in his life? That’s a little conceited even for him. Jealousy isn’t an emotion he ever considered for Diana, she has always been calm, exceptionally perceptive of her place and worth. His eyes bore into hers and he turns. 

“Are you asking me to make a choice?” anger seeps through his words. She doesn't know the hell that Scully has been through. Doesn't know what it was like to watch her almost die because of some personal cause of his. Doesn’t know that she might be surprised at his final choice if it ever comes to that, god he hopes it doesn’t.  Her head moves quickly shaking back and forth with a sort of conviction and assurance. There is the Diana he knows, the surefooted one who wouldn’t pretend to be even concerned for a second about his loyalties. He’s changed but maybe not that much. He still feels like the same selfish dick, now he has more options and he plans on playing whatever games he needs to get what he wants. 

 “I'm asking you to think about the timing, think about what you've spend every waking moment focused on for the last 20 years and to not let pretty things distract you from the big prize. I don't need to ask you to choose Fox, we both know that your choice is the files. It always has been, it's why you and I had to separate in the first place, to find those answers apart…” she pauses Diana always so good at choosing her words wisely. 

“Please realize that I value your relationship with Agent Scully. She has kept you alive, but we are finally here when everything is finally coming to fruition, I question the timing of some miraculous conception.”

 He goes on the defense because Scully would never betray him never use something as terrible as a child to lock him out of his life’s work. Diana may have misjudged him, he knows where Scully’s loyalties are knows how she has gone to the end of the world for him, just as he has done for her. Could Diana be this naive to think that she wasn’t replaceable? Hubris might come to eat at her soul. But what if this is part of her game, part of  a larger picture, to make him question everyone's loyalty and do something reckless. It has been his standard mo for years. Not sure how to play this into avoiding a confrontation he would like to push off, while he gathers more intel. Diana knows the jump first Fox, the man who thinks he’s smarter than everyone else, she doesn’t know that he learned Scully is the smartest of them all and the purest. That Scullys relentless questions and contradictions have changed him made him step back before he leaps that she has become the voice that resonates in his head through the day. 

“You think that Scully is a spy, and now she is using this pregnancy against me to shift my focus?” 

Diana shakes her head but not in the vehelmly way he thinks she would. What’s the move here Diana, the little spy card? The insecure partner? The jilted lover? What is this piece suppose to do with this play and how are we all lining up into the perfect places you have set forth?

“I don't think Agent Scully is a spy, I don't think she has any inclination to limit you in your search, but Fox these men, they see her as your weakness.” She breathes out slowly.

She loved him, truly when VCU fucked him up, when Patterson made him believe humanity was something in books Diana brought him back. He felt that love, craved it, thought he nutured it into existence for a small amount of time, she made him feel worthy of love for the first time since he was 12. They planned a life together, plan to get answers to prove to the public all that the government knew, expose the world to the fantastic. Europe was to open new avenues that were limited in The X-Files, new outlets of truth seekers, more threads to chase. But she never came back and he just let her float away just like Sam.  

“Maybe she is your weakness…” her voice is still smooth like honey, pulling him out of the times long ago when she muttered to him in the dark. “I don't know. I don't ask because I don't want to know if I've really lost you.” her voice catches and he feels a sense of shame for thinking the worst of her. 

He doesn’t have proof, he has suspicions. Scully doesn’t trust her, but Scully is so much less trusting than him.  She continues with almost a sob as she pulls her composure together, 

“But you said yourself the odds were almost impossible, the fact that you took them to a specialist right away. You know the literature, that these women, women like Agent Scully and myself can't have children.” She finishes her statement biting her lip and turning away. 

He blinks slowly letting her words wash over him in a haze, women like Scully.. Like herself? What the hell does that mean? How does she know about the eggs he found, he never told her. Never mentioned it to anyone, not even the gunmen.  

“What do you mean women like Agent Scully and yourself?” he asks he grips her shoulders bringing her eyes back to his

“in Europe Fox I.. I got to close… I was missing for 4 months..I have a chip too.”

She looks at him. He steps back. How many people have been hurt because of this, What did they do to Diana all those years ago? What are they still doing? How does Diana know these things about Scully? The tests what does that mean for him and Scully now? What does it say about him, he is still willing to look for Sam after 20 years but wasn’t willing to look for his wife for more than 2 months?  How well did Scully vet this doctor of hers, what if this is a hybrid and the truth is in Scully?

“You never.. We had been fighting and I just assumed you… “ his voice trails off. Did Diana mean to leave him? Maybe she didn’t. Maybe this was part of a ruse to get him to stay on a different course, stay in Washington, find answers where there weren’t any. All while another woman that he loved was tortured and taken, and he sat ideally by looking for solace and ghosts in the wind.

Or maybe it’s another part of her mind game,Is this part of her game? Did she fake this? How incredibly ruthless is she? He’s tried to never underestimate Diana or women in general. They are always far more cunning than men. That chip, what does Diana know about it? More than they do most likely? Diana doesn’t appreciate being messed with, and she will cut you out and bleed you dry before she gives you any sense of satisfaction. He wonders what she has uncovered, what she knows. The stakes just got a whole lot higher. Years ago the horrible things he said to her when he thought she had abandoned him. The anger and rage and her on the other end silent. He’s lost in thoughts when her voice breaks through sad and hurt but not malicious. Fuck.

“Fox it is what it is, I know we both have said and done things to each other and maybe it was right that we ended it, I know that I wasn’t in the best space when I came back, I know that this child with Agent Scully isn’t going away and that you have moved on, but I just caution you, These men are evil and we both know they are more than capable of heinous things,  just get lots of photos today have them checked out even by those freaky resourceful friends of yours, please. I don't want this to be another way in which you are used. I wish you the best, you know that.”

She leans up kissing him as she turns to leave.

“I'll have a room key for you at the desk when you arrive tonight. Good luck.”

With that she is gone and he is left staring at the sink watching the water escape like the promises they made all those years ago.

Tagging the folks who asked :)

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