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studiojeon · 3 years ago

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bitterness in goodbye | jjk

this is part of my troubled outsiders series. sadly, you can't read this as a stand alone (meaning: feel free to check the previous parts ♡)

| summary | - You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

warnings: none (?) i mean chaeryeong insults jungkook which is an atrocity in itself but-

contents: we diving into the angst my friends. jungkook is an innocent, kind hearted soul, i promise. oc's got the feels (out oct. 1) for jk. idol!jungkook × student!reader.

author's note: I EDITTED THIS FROM MY PHONE DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FUCKING ANNOYING THAT IS? also, thank u for the amount of support i've been receiving lately, i appreciate everyone lots. feel free to ask away or suggest anything btw, i would love to write for any prompts you guys come up with. 💞💗💖💘💓💕

words: 1.57k

playlist: honey by halsey

Four weeks later, the receptionist of your apartment complex hands you over a cardboard box with the hoodie Jungkook and you had talked about that day on the Han River. Jungkook kept pestering you to please please please send him your address for confidential purposes, which you knew had to do with his determination to literally provide anything that catches your eye right away. You assumed it was a sensitive topic for the boy whether people had purposefully taken advantage of his money before, so you didn’t dare to say anything when the man asked you for your size literally two hours after he dropped you off, scared to either reject his solidare intentions or piss him off for bringing unwanted memories back. In your defense, your personality type keeps oscillating between INFP and INFJ so it’s only natural that you take extra care to make sure those around you have as much peace of mind as possible in your presence.

As pretty and comfortable the piece of soft clothing is, an important factor is missing, something that you can’t recreate buying two of the same size and color, and that is Jungkook's escence and how good it looks on him in comparison to anyone else in the world. Meaning, you didn’t like it as much as you thought initially would. And it absolutely did not have to do with the fact that your short stature made you look like a toddler who stole their dad’s jacket.

Still, in order to show Jungkook how much you appreciate his gift, you bring it to work the next day, and the rest of the days after that, with the excuse that with winter rolling around you needed something to keep you warm in the office. Jungkook doesn’t miss the opportunity to confirm your assumptions regarding your appearance whenever he barges into your office randomly throughout the week, arguing that ”you look so adorable” and doesn’t stop for two weeks more, until he gets used to seeing you wearing something you shared with him. Which doesn’t help ease your growing romantic feelings for him whatsoever.

Because yeah, you liked Jeon Jungkook, just like every human being with eyes and sexual desires, except, you didn’t just like him in a superficial way, and that’s where the problem with him resides. Though you are sure everyone has fallen in love with the endearing boy at some point - especially the excluded and invalidated women of society - you can’t help but place some blame on you for allowing yourself to be swooned so goddamn easily. Your mom had said to you at some point to be wary of the way some men would talk to you when you grew up, their intention usually being getting inside your pants, which has happened to you more times than you'd like to admit. And with the argument that she knew you better than anyone, she claimed you would comply right the second someone talked sweet to you; you despised the fact that was the case with Jungkook (and Jungkook only), although he had never shown any sexual innuendos. What your feelings could do to your relationship with Jungkook and your rather chill lifestyle scared you to death, shiver me timbers and all that shit, having romantic feelings for someone else is embarrassing, especially when your chance with them has been scratched out the second you laid eyes on them.

Jungkook sits on your couch, legs spread on your thighs as you two pretend to watch some series on netflix. “I don’t buy for a second the act you’re putting on right now.” he speaks randomly after staring at your deep-in-thought state for a few minutes and laughs when you snap at him for not letting you overthink in peace. “What’s going on?”

Truth is, you don’t fucking know. A few hours before he arrived at your place (you had to pick him up at the dorm and sneak the both of you through the subterranean parking lot, because god forbid someone saw Jungkook arriving at some chick’s dorm on a saturday afternoon) you swore you would be able to conceal whatever emotional turmoil you had going inside of you without compromising your regular behaviour around the man, but when push comes to shove, it’s impossible to keep yourself from wondering how far you could go before that special someone found out what was going on inside of your head.

Jungkook’s phone rings in his pocket with some annoying tone he had downloaded illegally from youtube the same day the company had handed over the device as a gift for him (you still were a little bitter over how they neglected the rest of the staff but you also knew it was kind of impossible for the human kind to just gift a-thousand-dollar-phones to almost five hundred people out of solidarity). “Hyung?” he picks up, still wary of your unusual behaviour, concerned eyes looking at you. “No, uh- i’m with Yugyeom right now.” and your heart shatters into a million pieces.

You have been suspecting for a while that Jungkook is being hesitant to introduce you to his social circle. Although, you’ve tried your best not to take it personal, it is getting harder to resist the urge to ask him what the fuck is up with that. The fact that Jungkook had to lie about the person he was hanging out with broke your ego; he could’ve just said he was with a friend, right? You suddenly feel like you’re fifteen again, when the guy you liked would love you in the dark but pretend he didn’t know you in the light.

Holding your tears back, you gently push him off and make your way towards the bathroom in the most nonchalant way you could. This is your fault for falling for the nice popular guy in the first place, you remind the reflection staring back at you. Still, as bad as it hurt, there was no way you were going to cry over a stupid boy, let alone when he was literally sat on the next room. He can go fuck himself if he thinks he can just toss this behind as if nothing ever happened.

You text Chaeryeong instead.

“chaery bom bom: i swear to god i gonna throw hands the next time i see the bitch.

chaery bom bom: like who the hell does he think he is? fucking squidward looking asshole.

chaery bom bom: he ain’t even that cute bub, you’ll get over him. i know jinyoung wouldn’t treat you like this”

You sigh. Chaeryeong has been enamored with the idea of you and his former company colleague from GOT7 since the day she met the guy (which was somewhere around ten years ago), and although he was all that, you didn’t like his quiet and cold aura, it intimidated the fuck out of you (Jungkook was the entire opposite of that).

You spray on some perfume just to have an excuse as to why you randomly ran to the bathroom when Jungkook’s inquiring eyes stare as you sit back on the couch, which is exactly what he does. “You done with your call?” you ask, bitter.

Jungkook frowns, a bit taken aback by the sudden question but still unaware of the way his words had made you feel, not even sensing the hostile change in your mood. “Yes, it was one of our managers. He was wondering if I could come back to reshoot some...-thing.”

Okay, now you kind of understand as to why he lied in the first place and to say you feel guilty is an understatement. “I supposed he backed down once you mentioned you were hanging out with Yugyeom.” playfulness makes its appearance on your tone and Jungkook rolls his eyes at you, tongue poking on the inside of his slightly red cheeks.

“Sorry for that” he moves closer and cuddles your arm, like a sad guilty puppy. “It’s just- I don’t want them asking questions''.

You understand. He is a very reserved and private person after all. It took you a bit to crack him open yourself. Plus, you kind of share that trait with him, you’d hate it too if people were constantly on your nerves for the people you decide to hang out with.

And that’s all it takes to forgive him. Not very cash money of you.

“You better not pull that shit again, though” you shift in his hold and he looks up at you. One look into your eyes and he knows what you mean. “I’ll kick you out.”

After nodding, Jungkook resumes his concentration on the series you picked out for him. Due to your short attention span, you are very picky about what you invest your time in, especifically with audiovisual pieces of media, so Jungkook trusts you whenever you recommend something on very rare occasions. As a matter of fact, Jungkook was busy attacking your kitchen counters for snacks (which you didn’t have) when you mentioned Money Heist. “Munch on some grapes instead” you suggested to soothe his disappointment.

You can’t help but feel a little sad when Jungkook doesn’t refrain from cuddling your arm after pleading to forgive him. You wish you could cuddle him instead, that he would lay his head on your chest as you play with his soft hair, but you recognize there are some things you just can’t have.

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blush-and-books · 4 years ago

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i’m sorry, but i fell in love tonight

short fic based off of this gifset by @juliesmolinas and the song is there somewhere by halsey. in fact it is mandatory that you listen to the song/read the lyrics/both before/during reading this. yes i said mandatory.

angst with a sappy ending, julie goes through a lifetime of emotions in less than 3k, was originally gonna write when i was in a more emotionally raw state but writing this made me emotionally raw so... enjoy <3

warnings: swearing

Julie made the promise at some point -- she just doesn’t know exactly when.

It may have been when he appeared at her school, all shy smiles and soft glances, professing that she made him a better writer. Or, more definitively, it could have been when she forlornly pulled him into her arms a moment before she was positive that she was to lose him forever.

All that she knew was her time with Luke was fleeting. So she swore that her butterfly-wing crush was not allowed to fill her chest or dizzy her thoughts; that his lyrics would mean nothing more next to hers than words on a page and his touches would bring her little to no comfort.

Luke Patterson could not complete her.

The universe wouldn’t allow it -- and neither would Julie Molina.

But -- either Luke was blissfully unaware of their impending doom or he genuinely didn’t care -- he forced himself through every barrier she attempted to erect. And it was driving her nearly insane, because she made a promise to protect herself.

Maybe she wasn’t strong enough to do it. Or maybe the universe, despite refusing to give Julie Luke in his entirety, did not want her to be protected.

It was all in the little things-

When she stayed up with him in the garage, playing him all of the songs he’s missed in 25 years, and he danced around on the slippery floor in his socks and grinned at her with wide green eyes. The neon emerald in the dim light was reminiscent of driving on the highway and passing sign after sign leading to the exits she could have taken, but couldn’t bring herself to.

How New Years Eve arrived and the Molina family gathered in the driveway to light sparklers; Luke’s hand brushing hers as he passed off one of the two in his hands.

In his head lulling onto her shoulder while she was trying to finish some homework with his help on the torn couch and his lips moving against her bare skin as he mumbled that she needed to take a break before driving herself insane; followed by her braiding her hair to get it out of her face.

She already had driven herself insane -- but not over her homework.

(His mouth on her shoulder was the answer to a prayer she never dared to murmur aloud.)

Luke never failed to be present when he was needed. If she was sick or stressed or depressed, he knew when to fuse to her side and when to offer some space. Through careful observation rather than conversation, he knew which of her many sweatshirts were reserved for illness or emotional support.

In most of those situations, she needed him, too. Her fingernails would curl into his biceps through a cramp or wave of tears and he would wrap her in his embrace and swarm her with warm words that dried her eyes.

She hated it.

When they wrote music, it felt as though they were already reading each other's minds before either of them had spoken a word about their plans. Their journals contained inky black waterfalls spilled from an intimacy that Julie did not want to dissect.

Again, she hated it. She loved it more than anything and hated that she loved it all -- because it could never be real.

She would always play second fiddle to death.

Julie made the promise to herself to not let Luke complete her because, while she had him for now, the night of the Orpheum was a reminder that the universe would not hesitate to snap it’s fingers and eliminate him from existence.

The universe, being the confusing, stubborn bitch it is, just didn’t get the memo on that promise.

Because Luke filled every crack and restored every gap in her being, and he shouldn’t.

The hopeless, pining romantic in her that constantly argued with her realist side said they were meant to meet. Even if it was brief and heartbreaking and had the power to hurt her in a way she didn’t understand, it had to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to happen, then how and why did he cross space and time only to fall at her feet?

(Soulmates, a taunting voice whispered. Soulmates.)

((The voice was locked in a closet as punishment.))

She didn’t want to entertain the word. It had too much of a forlorn, wistfully romantic sound to it that Julie didn’t need to associate with Luke when she spent most moments with him at this point convincing herself that she wasn’t in love.

Until tonight.

It is past midnight, which is when anyone’s mental state starts to alter. Things that would be labelled as bad ideas in the daylight could very possibly become fair game when shrouded in a darkness that made everything private. The two of them, Luke and Julie, Julie and Luke, are nestled together on the piano bench as her fingers tiredly press each cut of ivory in a working melody.

“I have an idea,” Luke says, gently shifting his left hand to cover hers on the keys. “Why don’t we press pause on this song for a minute?”

Then, she finally looks up at him. Her eyes probably have crescents like the dark side of the moon crossing her skin, and her hair is all over the place, but he’s staring at her in one of the rare ways that she hates.

She hates it because the look convinces her that she completes him.

This time, however, there’s a hope. A hope, and a hesitance, and she’s simultaneously extremely nervous and beyond curious as to what his plans are.

“Did- Didn’t you want to finish this tonight?”

Regret strikes across his face, but he recovers. The softness is back. “Yeah, I just think we need a change of pace.” Right hand on the back of his neck: A telltale sign of a confession of some kind. She’s seen it more times than is healthy. “There was another song I wanted to show you, actually.”

“Oh.” She blinks, he waits. “Yeah, uh, I mean, yeah. Show me. What do you have so far?” He clears his throat as he thrums through the pages to find his target. “The whole thing.”

Julie doesn’t have time to react -- although she’s already in a panic -- before the leather-bound book is being awkwardly shoved into her hands, and the first thing she sees at the top is Luke’s nearly illegible scribble of Dark Room (song for Julie).

“Luke-”

“Just read it.” His voice is significantly raspier than it was a minute ago. “Please.”

She can’t. If he feels the same way and the confession is undeniably in front of her, then what is she supposed to do? Would she rather break Luke’s heart now to save them both down the line, or delay the misery a little longer?

It’s not that she doesn’t want it -- she does. But she doesn’t know if she’s emotionally equipped for any of the options that are offered to her. The destination of any path she chooses leads to a world of heartache.

So, she does the only thing she can think in the moment: She reads the song.

Instantly, the lyrics are blurred from the tears in her eyes because she sees the words “love” and “together” and her greatest fears and grandest wishes are coming true. The sonnet proclaims that she’s his light that illuminated his once-dark forever, and that he was hers when they didn’t even know each other, and that he will be hers wherever he ends up next.

He just wanted her to know that he would have waited another lifetime in the blank, limitless limbo he was in for 25 years if he knew she would be there when he was set free.

And, in the moment, Julie allows herself to acknowledge that her promise is broken.

She’s fallen in love.

And, apparently, he has too.

(Maybe they can claim just one night. The universe owes them that much, doesn’t it?)

“Julie?” God, he sounds so worried. A shaking finger trails up her jaw to catch falling tears, and his contact makes her gasp. He pulls away and shoves his hands together to fidget in his lap. “Julie, are you- Fuck, I’m sorry, I just fucked this up, didn’t I? I fucked it all up. Fuck, I-”

When she chances a look up at him for the first time in the couple of minutes that she’s been staring, hopelessly, at the song in her lap -- he’s got his face covered by his hands pressing roughly into his eyes, and he’s turned to face the piano instead of her.

He takes a deep breath, and it sounds…

Stuffy.

Three more tears leak from Julie’s eyes. More build up every minute as her right hand runs along his shoulder, “Luke…”

“No, Julie, please just drop it.”

“Luke.”

“I clearly misread a lot of stuff, and I’m tired, so maybe you can just go to bed and forget-”

Her hand wraps tightly around his upper arm like it’s done so many times when she has been in distress. “Luke.”

There’s a crack in her voice from sheer desperation. She needs him to look at her, so that she can wipe his tears and smile through the sobs and tell him he didn’t misread a single thing. She would wait a lifetime for him to come out of the dark room, she loves him too, and she’s going to forget all about it.

And ask him to do the same.

At least the scratch of his name catches his attention long enough, because he angles back towards her, and swallows thickly before meeting her eyes. Salty teardrops linger against his eyelids and eyelashes; the red rimming illuminating the oceanic green to look like a gemstone. Her grip relaxes.

“Yeah, Julie?”

She attempts a smile. “The song is beautiful, Luke. I love it.”

I love you.

“That’s it? It’s beautiful, and you love it, but you don’t… I’m not in your dreambox, huh?”

He clearly hasn’t dug through it in awhile. He’s everywhere. Discarded guitar picks and notes he’s left in her school journals and plenty, plenty of songs.

It’s funny, because she told him her dreambox was for things that didn’t make her sad. Luke was a double-edged sword -- making her happy every day in a new way, and making her cry into her pillow at night.

How does she explain this? There’s a whirlwind of responses running through her brain and she can barely coherently comprehend any of them.

“No,” she finds herself sighing as she raises her hand to his cheek, followed by her other hand so that he can’t try and turn away. “No, Luke, no… You’re wrong.”

“What do you mean ‘I’m wrong?’”

Her bottom lip starts to shake. “You think I don’t love you back.” Both of them feel their breath catch at her use of the word out loud. It feels like a secret that shouldn’t be repeated. “And you’re wrong.”

“... I’m wrong.”

“Of course you’re wrong! You really think I don’t love you back?”

“Why are you crying if you love me?”

“Because we can’t do this!”

He scoffs, and Julie’s heart is racing in her chest as he pushes himself off of the piano bench and her hands fall from his face. What has she done?

“That’s bull, Julie.” His fingertips tug at his hair. “You don’t need to make a big dramatic show to convince me it’s wrong just to let me down easy. You aren’t going to talk me out of this.” Dead-on, he stops pacing back and forth, and looks her in the eye. “I love you.”

Listening to him say it, the way his mouth moves and his voice ticks with conviction at each syllable, is what makes her break.

“And I love you too.”

He reels back. He probably wasn’t expecting her voice to raise from their odd, in-between whisper and normal volume.

“But don’t you get it? Luke, we aren't in some magical place where we can meet each other in the middle. A place like that doesn’t exist. You’re dead, and I’m alive, and any future here ends with both of us losing each other.”

“Julie-”

“You said you would wait another lifetime, right?” Using his own lyrics against him. She watches his hands twitch before nodding; the movements of his head barely visible. “Then wait. Another lifetime, another two -- the fucking universe clearly didn’t want us to have this one, so we’re stuck waiting for the next one.”

Even through his clear and fighting need to argue, to talk with her about this, he stiffly nods his head. It’s obvious that she has thought way too much about this from the way she’s barely choking out each word before crumbling into tears before his eyes -- but then again, he’s thought about it too.

Callused hands are running along her neck to tilt her face up out of the blue. She was too busy crying to notice that he had crossed the distance between them to stand right in front of her and assure that she was meeting his eyes.

“Luke-”

“No, Julie, it’s my turn. Please.”

She won’t argue with him. So, with a tender swipe of his thumbs under her eyes, he proceeds.

“Look, I get it. You think I don’t get it? I fucking hate being dead, for so many reasons, Julie. But if I never died, I never would have met you.” Her lips part, and maybe he thinks she’s going to protest because he smoothly lifts a finger in front of her lips that barely makes contact.

(Julie almost presses her lips into it.)

“And you’re right. I wish there was somewhere that we could meet in the middle, but we don’t have that. I wish so many things, Julie. But none of them involve a life where I don’t have you.”

She whimpers, because listening to the man that normally chains his emotions in a cage bare his soul to her at nearly one in the morning is a seriously more out-of-body experience than she expected. She knew, deep down, that she loved him. But she never allowed herself to feel the all-encompassing warmth that she feels now.

“But hey, Julie, look at me,” he coaxes her with a tone that drips with affection. The pads of his fingers are nearly kneading into the back of her neck. “Like you said: The universe didn’t want to give us this lifetime. They couldn’t let us have all the fun, right?” Both of them let out a watery chuckle. “But they still brought me to you, didn’t they? They let me know you in this lifetime, even if we couldn’t have forever. I said I would be yours wherever I am. So even if this,” he gestures to his ghostly form, “isn’t forever, even if we don’t have this lifetime… You know I’ll love you forever, right?”

It was a monologue straight from one of her dreams that left her waking up with a manic smile and tears running down her face.

Unable to form any other response besides an unaware nod, Julie waits for him to continue.

“And maybe, the universe will give us the next lifetime, or a whole new universe, or… Just somewhere where we can get forever.”

Abruptly, his hands slide from her neck and grasp her hands like he needs to hold on firmly enough to believe that she’s still real in front of him. Julie is still speechless and teary, and in the most sentimental gesture, Luke kisses the back of both of her hands.

“We’ll get forever, Julie.” His warm breath puffs against her skin. “I promise you.”

And, well, if he promises forever in the next life -- then why can’t she take what she can get in this one?

tags: @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @lydias--stiles @moreflowersthanweeds @pink-flame

#this will also be posted on ao3 lmao #jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #jukebox #palina #juke fanfic #jatp fanfic

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falling-pages · 4 years ago

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heyy!! first off i hope you’re having a lovely day/night and are taking care of yourself :) i noticed your requests were open buuut i don’t exactly know how your requests work or your rules for requests and such so if any of this sounds unappealing to you then feel free to disregard it!!

i was wondering if you could do (headcanons or drabbles, whichever is more comfortable for you) for the hosts and how they would react if an s/o had an encounter with a toxic ex??

sorry if it’s troublesome but you’re one of the few people i’ve seen on here who write for ohshc and i recently had a run in with one of my, not so pleasant ex’s, and i’m still a bit shaken up by it. and once again no pressure or anything and if this doesn’t sound like something you’d want to do or isn’t something you take then feel free to ignore this :)

ty for your time love <3

Hi anon! Your request was so polite and lovely, it really made my morning :) my requests work just like this! Unless I post a prompt list or something, feel free to just slide in and send me a prompt! I have a stash of my own I’m working on but I always want to hear from you all and I’m always looking for ideas!

Thanks for sending this in! I really like this idea; it really showcases each of the hosts’ personalities. I’m sorry you had a bad run-in with your ex. I hope you take the time you need to find peace and comfort away from them, and I want you to remember that you are worthy of all the pure love in the world. I’m recovering from a toxic relationship too, so my messages are open if you need someone to talk to 💖

I listened to “You should be sad” by Halsey while listening to this.

Hosts running into your toxic ex:

Tamaki:

1. Tamaki’s greatest wish in life is to have a family. A whole, complete, loving, annoying family. He made that happen at Ouran, and he wants to make it happen with you, too. When he loves, he loves with all his soul.

2. So he doesn’t understand why partners cheat. It literally astounds him. You’re in a relationship with this beautiful person you love, and you’re going to throw it all away?

3. So when he sees your ex and remembers all the things you told him they did to you, it takes everything in him not to go up to them and just tell them off.

4. You’re out shopping when you see them, and you silently duck behind Tamaki’s tall frame.

5. He instantly perks up and asks you to point out who it is, keeping you hidden behind him.

6. When you show him, he pulls you to his chest and wraps his arms around you, burying your face in his shirt so you can’t see them.

7. Petting your hair and whispering sweet assurances in your ear.

8. “You’re with me now. You don’t have to be afraid.”

9. “They don’t deserve you. They never did.”

10. “You make me so happy. I would never dream of hurting you.”

11. “I’ll never leave you.”

12. You stay cuddled in his chest until your ex passes, with Tamaki sending them a death glare until they’re out of sight.

13. Tamaki buys you anything you want to help you forget about it.

Kyoya:

1. RIP to the person that hurt you, because he will ensure their demise

2. When you first tell him about your ex, he will do a little background research on them and learn their habits to make sure whenever you go out that you don’t run in to them

3. However, one day you do happen to run into them

4. Kyoya curses himself for not doing more research

5. You try to act like everything is normal, but he notices

6. The only thing keeping him from sicing his bodyguards on them is the tight grip you have on his hand

7. You go off to the bathroom to catch your breath and clear your head

8. He goes right up to them and threatens them within an inch of their life

9. “Listen here you bastard. I know everything about you. I know your SSN. I know where you live and what you like to do. If you ever, ever hurt them or go near them again, I will not hesitate to make your life a living hell.”

10. He scares them off

11. And when you come out of the bathroom and see they’re gone, you know he did something

12. “What did you do?”

13. “Don’t worry, I took care of them.”

Haruhi:

1. She will also give them a piece of her mind

2. She’s not one to take insults lying down

3. She yelled at Yoshio Ootori, after all

4. And those men in ep. 8

5. She won’t embarrass you or make a scene

6. But if they happen to walk too close to you

7. She might stick out her foot

8. They might “trip”

9. And end up with a broken nose

10. Oh whoops how could that have happened

11. But she will lovingly rub your back to help you calm down

12. And will make you your favorite food for dinner that night

Hikaru:

1. That boy is a little ball of anger anyways

2. So Heaven help if you ex sees you two together

3. The night you told him everything about your ex, he held you until you fell asleep

4. And silently promised you and himself that he would make them pay for hurting you

5. Hikaru has two modes

6. FIGHT

7. And

8. JEALOUS

9. You have to l i t e r a l l y hold him back when you see them in public

10. He will go buck wild on their ass

11. If your ex is male, he will tear him to pieces

12. He will knock them on their sorry ass and punch them until they regret the day they were born

13. Lights out mf

14. He is so furious that this person hurt you--you, the one he loves more than anyone in the entire world--that he will not stop fighting until the guy is bleeding from every orifice

15. You’re embarrassed at first

16. But you kinda like the lengths he went to to protect your honor

17. If your ex is a girl

18. He was raised to never hit a woman

19. So he will just glare at her so hard she’s sure to be seeing stars

20. And wrap his arms around you and give you a kiss to make it obvious that you are his

21. Once they’re gone, he keeps you wrapped in his arms to give you a steady anchor

22. With whispered promises of “I will always be here”

23. And kisses pressed into your hair

Kaoru:

1. Kaoru doesn’t get enough mischievous credit

2. Remember the refreshing battle? He can pull a few tricks even without Hikaru around

3. Sure, he’s more quiet and reserved than his brother

4. But if your ex even dares to show their face when he’s around

5. Then he will make it obvious who you are currently dating

6. As soon as your ex sees you he will pull you into a makeout session

7. Doesn’t matter where you are

8. School

9. Mall

10. Hitachiin fundraiser event

11. He doesn’t care

12. Sloppy, sloppy makeout session

13. He will kiss you so hard that you forget your ex is even around

14. If you’re comfortable with it, his hands will wander, just to prove the point

15. While he enjoys kissing you because you’re you, he also wants to show your ex how much you upgraded

16. Because now you’re dating a person who is protective of you and loves you with his whole heart

17. And isn’t afraid to show it

18. And who wants nothing but your love in return

Mitsukuni:

1. Dead.

2. Plain and simple.

3. Dead.

4. Mitsukuni will see that this person makes you sad

5. And they’ll probably end up in a dungeon somewhere

6. Never seen or heard from again

7. And then he’ll just pop back up with you

8. “Where did you go?”

9. “Bakery!”

10. *slyly washes his hands of the remains*

11. Buys your silence with ice cream

Takashi:

1. Ya know that meme??? The “haha, I’m in danger” meme?

2. Yeah, that’s your ex when Takashi gets his hands on them

3. He knows you wouldn’t want much attention brought to it

4. But he feels the way your hand tenses when you see them

5. He sees the way you freeze when they walk by

6. He knows just how awful they were to you

7. And so that night when you get home, he sits down with you and untangles every knotted string connecting your heart with that person

8. He listens to you talk, holds you when you cry, and helps you figure out the healthiest way to cope with what that relationship did to you

9. He runs his fingers through your hair as you snuggle against his chest, feeling warm and safe and loved and cared for

10. You fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat

11. He is extra nice to you the next day

12. He knows you’re still healing

13. He’s just glad you’ve allowed him there for the ride

14. He does research to find the best ways to help you heal

15. Buys books and watches TedTalks and attends online forums

16. He brings up therapy as gently as he can

17. And points to his research saying it might help

18. And he’ll go with you if you want

19. Or he will support you from afar if you want to go alone

20. All that matters is that he’s there beside you for the journey

21. He will never let that person near you ever again

22. And if they ever show up

23. His fists will make them regret the day they ever hurt you

You inspired me to write a whole one-shot with some of the hosts! I’ll put that out soon. Thanks for the suggestion, anon :) <3

#ouran high school host club #tamaki suoh #kyoya ootori #haruhi fujioka #hikaru hitachiin #kaoru hitachiin #Mitsukuni Haninozuka #takashi morinozuka #host x reader #host x reader headcanon #tamaki x reader #kyoya x reader #haruhi x reader #hikaru x reader #kaoru x reader #honey x reader #mitsukuni x reader #takashi x reader #host headcanon

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bytheangell · 4 years ago

Note

Hello!! Can I request a Thomastair based on the song, Be Kind by Halsey and Marshmallow? ❤ I loved your fic, Progress is a Process btw.

The Push and Pull of Kindness (Read on AO3)

Thomas wants to believe the best in Alastair, he really, truly does. Despite Alastair’s own actions in the past and the grudges held against him by Matthew and James, Thomas tries his best to be there for him. Thomas can tell that Alastair needs support right now even if he won’t admit it.

See, Alastair confided in Thomas about Charles. Thomas wonders if he’s the only one Alastair told because Thomas can see the way Alastair avoids Charles now and notices the pointed way Charles looks everywhere but at Alastair when addressing them in group settings…. But he thinks he’s the only one who notices. Maybe he’s just the only one who cares enough to look.

“Hey,” Thomas says, catching up with Alastair before he can leave. They held a short meeting at the Institute that Charles was present at, and though he put on a brave face Thomas saw how upset Alastair was as he turned to leave the first chance he got. “Alastair, wait.”

“I’m in a hurry, Thomas,” Alastair says quickly, not pausing.

“I can see that. And I get it. I just wanted to make sure you’re alright,” Thomas manages to say, a bit out of breath from needing to practically run to catch up to Alastair.

“I’m fine,” Alastair says, the words short and empty.

“You’re not,” Thomas insists.

“Then why ask if you already know the answer,” Alastair snaps, stopping to round on Thomas accusingly. There’s heat in his eyes but Thomas instinctively knows it’s not really aimed at him, even as their gazes lock.

“Because I hoped you’d be honest with me,” Thomas admits. “I thought… maybe you’d want someone to talk to.”

“I-,” Alastair starts, and for a fleeting moment of hope, Thomas thinks he’ll agree. Then just as quickly Alastair’s gaze shifts to a spot over Thomas’ shoulder. “I don’t. Go back to your friends, Lightwood.”

Alastair’s cold tone feels like a slap, as does the use of his last name. Thomas wonders if he means it or if he’s just saying it for Thomas’ benefit, so Matthew and James don’t give him a hard time for talking with Alastair.

“I don’t care what they think,” Thomas says quietly. “You know that, don’t you? If you need someone, even just a friend, I’ll be there. Just say the word.”

“I’m fine,” Alastair insists one last time, before turning and walking away.

Thomas watches him leave with a sigh before heading back to his friends. They’ve gotten better at not poking Thomas about his friendship with Alastair, even though they dislike it. Thomas does his best not to glare daggers at Charles, trying not to make it obvious what he and Alastair were discussing, and suggests they leave before he does something foolish.

After that meeting, Thomas goes out of his way to talk to Alastair every day, no matter how often Alastair shuts down any attempt at a serious conversation. He volunteers to deliver messages to the Carstairs family whenever possible in the hopes that Alastair will be the one who answers the door, just to see him. He even bribes Mr. Herondale to put them on the same patrol rotations.

It takes a bit of wearing down, but soon Alastair is beginning to open up to him. Their conversations grow easier and easier until it feels a bit like Paris all over again with the startling simplicity of how well they seem to fit. Thomas wants them to be something more than friends, but he doesn’t push it. Right now, Alastair just needs someone on his side, someone he can trust, and Thomas is more than happy to be that person for him.

The only issue is that Alastair refuses to talk about anything serious or meaningful. Any time the topic shifts to Charles or something else Thomas thinks is bothering Alastair, Alastair changes the subject to local demon activity, or the plot of the latest book he’s reading, or something safe. They’re getting along great, but it’s entirely superficial, and it’s more than a little frustrating.

Still, everything is going well enough until the day of Cordelia and James’ engagement party when Matthew tells him the truth about the rumors started about their parents. The rumors Alastair started. Thomas doesn’t want to believe it, and even when he knows it's true there’s a part of him that still wants to talk to Alastair about it.

Except, he thinks to himself bitterly in his anger, what good is talking when he obviously can’t trust Alastair to be forthright with him? And it isn’t as if Alastair is willing to discuss anything serious with him, and this? This is as serious as it gets. This is his family.

So Thomas allows his frustrations to get the better of him.

Perhaps threatening to punch Alastair if he ever approaches him or his friends is a bit overkill, but Thomas thinks that after a betrayal of this magnitude he deserves a bit of dramatics. Instead of feeling satisfied when he spots Alastair turning with shimmering eyes to leave the party, however, all Thomas feels is worse.

He continues to feel worse the next day, and the day after that. He can’t even ignore the pain Alastair is obviously in because Matthew points it out at every turn to revel in it, noting when Alastair skips training and rearranges his patrols to be alone or with Cordelia instead of any of them.

Finally, a week after the last time he spoke to Alastair, Thomas manages to pull Cordelia aside.

“I wanted to ask after Alastair,” he says, doing his best to sound casual.

Cordelia, to his surprise, smiles. “That’s interesting,” she says. “Because he asked after you just yesterday.”

Thomas tries not to show how secretly glad he is to hear that. “Oh?”

“And it seems to me that perhaps the two of you should simply ask one another,” Cordelia continues pointedly.

Thomas looks guilty, and more than a little embarrassed.

“I’m afraid I ruined any chance of that,” Thomas admits.

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” Cordelia replies. “Mother will be out after noon tomorrow, and if you happen to come by I’ll make sure my brother answers the door.”

With that, Cordelia heads back to the others, leaving Thomas to debate his plans for the following day.

---

Thomas knocks at the door and waits. The longer the knock goes unanswered the more he worries that maybe Cordelia told Alastair he was coming and this is Alastair intentionally avoiding him. Perhaps he could knock again, or maybe he should just leave, or--

Alastair opens the door, takes one glance at Thomas, and looks as if he’s about to shut it in his face a moment later. He doesn’t, to Thomas’ relief.

“Cordelia is busy at the moment,” Alastair says instead, his tone cold. “But you can come in and wait if you must”

“Actually,” Thomas says, fidgeting a bit with the hem of his sleeve. “I’m here to speak with you. If you’ll allow me.”

Alastair considers this and Thomas waits in silence that, despite being only seconds long, feels as if it stretches on for hours.

“Come in,” Alastair says finally, stepping aside to let Thomas enter. “We can talk in the study.”

Thomas can’t help but look pleased with this, allowing himself a small smile in spite of his nerves as he enters the Carstairs home.

“Right,” Thomas says, once they’re situated in the study and there’s no more putting the conversation off. “I guess I’ll start.”

Thomas takes a moment to collect his thoughts.

“I’m sorry,” he says, though the words scream of not enough, they’re the best starting point he has.

Alastair looks incredulous. “What?”

“I’m sorry,” Thomas repeats. “And I’ll say it as many times as I have to until you believe I mean it. I’ve spent so much time trying to convince you that you can trust me and confide in me. Saying I’d be there for you… and then I ruined that in one fit of anger rather than taking the time to talk about it, or even think about it properly first. I know you’ve changed since the Academy, I know that better than anyone, and I shouldn’t have been so quick or so severe with my reaction at the party,” Thomas says. Once the words start it sounds as if they tumble out of Thomas’ lips in a rush. Indeed, he takes a moment to catch his breath after.

Which is good, because Alastair looks as if he needs more than a moment to process all of that.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” Alastair says finally. “I should be the one apologizing. What I did back then, what I said- it’s unforgivable. Matthew has every right to hate me for it, as do you, and if I were a better person I would’ve admitted to my role in it sooner. I’d hoped it’d stay in the past, that I’d never have to see that look of disappointment that crossed your face when you found out, even if I deserved that and so much more.”

Their words hang heavy between them. There’s the comfort of the apologies, but this transgression feels too big to be solved by a few words.

“You should know,” Alastair adds slowly. “I wanted to show up at your door every day for the past week and apologize. ”

“Why didn’t you?” Thomas asks.

“Because I wanted to respect your wishes. I hurt you and you needed space and if I could do nothing else, I could at least give you that. For as long as you needed it - forever, if it came to that, though I wished desperately it wouldn’t.”

Alastair’s voice is soft, it’s fragile and vulnerable and everything Thomas knows no one but him gets to see. He also knows how difficult it is for Alastair to admit things like that, even to him.

“I don’t want space,” Thomas admits. “It might take more than one talk to put this behind us, but I do think we can move past this. But we both have to be honest with each other. It won’t work if you can’t come to me with things - anything, but especially things like this. Promise me?”

For the first time in the past week, Alastair smiles, and the sight of it warms Thomas’ very soul.

“Before I might not have been so sure, but I don’t think I could stand to lose you like that twice. I missed you dearly, Thomas. I know I had no right to, that it’s my own fault, but it’s the truth. So yes, I believe that’s something I can do.”

Thomas feels that familiar swoop in his stomach that comes so often when Alastair is entirely genuine with him like this.

“I missed you, too,” Thomas returns. He knows they’ll have to talk about it more, but he thinks they’ve done enough for one day. It’s a good start, and he doesn't want to push too much, too soon.

“I’ve also missed your literature updates,” Thomas continues. Alastair ranting to Thomas about the plot in whatever novel he’s picked up most recently has become a bit of a thing between them, and it’s just the sort of normalcy they need right then, Thomas thinks.

Alastair, who settles back into his chair as if preparing for a long rant, seems to agree.

“Forget the past week - the ending to my last book was horrendous and I’m not even going to bore you with the droll recounting of it. I’m not sure I could stand to relive it,” Alastair sighs. “However, this new book I picked up yesterday seems promising…”

Thomas settles in as well, glad he came here today. He knows it likely won’t be the last time one of them pushes the other away, but now he also knows that’s something they can come back from - something they both want to come back from.

As many times as it takes.

#thomastair #thomas lightwood #alastair carstairs #tsc #tlh #I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK A MILLION YEARS #also tried out a bit of Thomas POV which I'm still feeling out a bit #also the plot got away from me a bit because my brain insisted on making it canon compliant #but I hope you like it!! <3 <3 #elle writes a few deadbeat lines #long post #anon glamour activated #ask rune #elle talks too much

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poisonheadcrabsalesman · 4 years ago

Text

More therapy thoughts part 1/?

Behavior Theory Frameworks/Conditioning and What the fuck does Master Chief talk about in therapy?

Ramblings below - like a lot, like I spent too much time writing this and you should not read this

Behavioral Theory could work well as a framework with rehabilitating Spartan IIs if the case worker focused on Operant Conditioning Theory and Cognitive Social Learning Theory, which I talked about in this ask because I think I’m funny and this blog is an archive of me applying human behavior theories to video games.

Spartans have always been taught the mission comes first! Always! The 2s are indoctrinated from age 6-14 and then have that reinforced the rest of their lives. From the beginning they are taught to push themselves to the limits, earn their food by winning, form bonds with teammates but be ready to sacrifice them for the mission. The whole lives wasted vs spent conversation between John and Mendez after the augmentation surgery!

What the UNSC/ONI wants comes before their lives, the lives of other soldiers, civilians, AI etc. This constant conditioning of expectations and rewards has created the norms cemented in their minds. This becomes standard operating procedure.

Spartans are also an entirely separated social group, other people have made really great posts on how they are Othered and have their own way of communicating with body language. ODSTs hate Spartans, marines see them as cyborgs or saviors, and while they’re allies, Spartans are not seen or treated as human, by literally everyone. They are a means to an end, with the original goal being to maintain the UNSC’s position of power and crush the insurrectionists in the outer colonies, but uh oh Aliens!

Maybe the 2s aren’t as expendable as the 3s but the mindset and reinforcement of “mission first, people second” being repeated their entire lives is going to stick. So is the constant mistreatment and abuse from their fellow soldiers and handlers.

Addressing the cognitive distortions that come from their upbringing while also balancing the fact that Spartans are so fundamentally different from the way they developed to survive would be so much work, especially considering how much information on them is given to their therapist. The main distortion I would apply is minimization, making large problems small and not properly dealing with them, and specifically for John, personification, accepting blame for negative events without sufficient evidence.

Like these are grown ass super soldiers who can kill you in less than a second and calculate the amount of gravity in a room on the fly but then also can flounder when trying to comfort civilians or make small talk because their experiences and values are so alien to adults who had more developmentally “normal” lives.

Literally applying therapy to Spartans would be like, what was done to you was wrong, the ends do not justify the means, you were children and the adults in your life failed to protect you. You are a human person who is fallible and did the best you could with what you had. And the Spartan would say, “sounds fake but okay, can I pass my psych eval and go back to war now please?”

Jumping back to Behavior Theory

Different approaches to therapy under the Behavior Theory umbrella help modify negative behaviors with treatments like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Dialectical behavior therapy that teach individuals adaptive coping like emotional regulation, distress tolerance, cognitive distortions, and interpersonal communication. And that’s just one framework under the umbrella of human behavior theories.

Social work therapy is different from psych as it approaches individuals with heavily researched, evidence-based theories and frameworks in a holistic viewing of person-in-environment, instead of a strong focus on internal psychology.

Social work looks at all the interacting systems, environment, history, and internal and external factors affecting an individual. One of the most useful frameworks is the Biopsychosocial-Spiritual Frameworks (BPSS) when helping a client. It helps with identifying all the intersecting factors, both risk and protective, that shapes a client’s lived experiences. The most important thing to remember is that the individual is an expert in their own life, they know their experiences best.

The hardest part is applying this to Spartans because they Are So Fucked, their lived experiences, their environments and systems and institutions interacting with them, and the amount of their personal information that is probably so classified.

BPSS is a tool to help social workers assess individuals and their situations by collecting info that is related to the presenting issues and current and past circumstances. Info like medical history, hospitalizations, substance abuse, mental illness, personal relationships, family history and background, culture and norms, education, legal history, spirituality and participation etc. is all under this framework.

For Spartan 2s most of this info is lost or classified and helping someone who has repressed every negative emotion they've had for the sake of the mission would be so much to unpack but that’s also why you’re reading the mad ramblings over an over caffeinated nerd on the internet.

Life Course Theory which looks at developmental milestones and the individual’s experiences versus the socially expected markers, how do you apply that to children who were taken and have lived such different lives?

While early adolescence is when “normal” development of thoughts of self and identity take place alongside the physical changes of puberty, Spartans were being turned into emotionless calculating weapons. Sorry John, no forming a sense of identity and peer bonds for you, go kill that Watts guy who betrayed us and joined the insurrectionists.

And now that I’ve gone this insane and opened 2 whole textbooks up, let’s get to Master Chief thoughts. If you’ve read this far thank you, I swear I’m normal, 2020 has just been a weird year.

Why the fuck did I think I could write a therapy fic on a guy with 20 minutes of actual dialogue across almost 2 decades of games?

I make fun of him and call him a himbo, but he’s smart, he knows he’s being used and there is resentment there that’s been building for years.

There’s also decades of trauma and combat experience, physical, and emotional abuse, the lack of a support network, lack of an identity, the biological factors and aftermath of the augmentations and injuries he’s received, a whole lot of grief and self-inflicted guilt.

The loss of a third of his peer group with the augmentation surgery, Sam’s death, the loss of Reach (the only place he’s considered home), Keyes, the Pillar of Autumn crew, Miranda Keyes, Johnson, Cortana. He cares about the marines who fight with him!!!

He just stands there and takes it and rarely snaps, and even then it’s just small cracks on the surface with fissures running deep. The few details I will pull from Halo 5 are Blue Team’s reactions to John pushing himself so hard from the beginning of the game, and the literal crack in his armor from the fight with Locke. Like dude.

John’s a leader and will get the mission done but he tugs on the leash. He’s earned enough of a reputation and uses it to get his way.

Halo 2’s “Permission to leave the station” with Mr. “I’m going to hand deliver a bomb to the fusion reactor of a covenant supercarrier and hope my friends catch me”.

Halo 4 is when we see him say no to a superior officer and then 5 is him going AWOL. Palmer literally points out that no one is going to stop him.

Halo 5 kills me for many reasons but John bringing up Halsey and what she did to him and also pointing out that he knows Halo 5 Cortana is trying to manipulate him with psychological tactics hurts.

He knows what’s been done to him!

I cannot remember which book it was but John isn’t used to working alone. He literally takes fire because he was expecting someone to have his back!

He’s lost without Cortana! She was in his brain! Y’all! I played Halo Combat Evolved on the original xbox when I was like 8 and I knew these two were meant to be together. From the moment they met they had great chemistry and relied on each other! Cortana literally goes after people who have it out for John! John wants her approval and shows off for her in one of the books.

I’ve already written too much here but like all of the games have John showing off for Cortana, making dry jokes, jumping out of things he shouldn’t.

The whole point of this rambling is to try and get my thoughts about how to approach John’s character under control.

And that’s the thing. He’s lost control. He’s lost people, he’s losing his position and being phased out as an aging spartan, a relic. John’s used to following orders and making some decisions on the battlefield but it was always short term.

He has no identity beyond being a weapon. Complete the mission, clear the LZ, get put in cryo. Rinse, repeat.

The timeline of the games are what I'm most familiar with but with the comics and books too it’s one long run from Halo 2 to Halo 4. Cairo station to the Dreadnought to the crash landing to Forward Unto Dawn to Requiem to “The Didact is Dead but not really but we’ll deal with him off-screen”.

I know Hood apparently gave John R&R orders before Halo 5 that he ignored and kept running himself into the ground. This is a man who has to keep moving and keep being useful.

I imagine him giving in and seeking help as a last resort to fix any problems he has with performing his duties rather than helping himself be healthier.

Any professional he sees is going to have to approach him like they’re approaching a self sacrificing feral cat, with lunch meat and quiet. This man needs to have his support network closer, set up long term goals, and do some serious, and most likely incredibly painful, self reflection on where he’s come from and where he wants to go. Get him out of that tin can and into therapy. I don’t have a nice neat ending because this was a ramble and also therapy is not neat and tidy. Thanks for reading my words about mr halo

#this is not coherent but it needs out of my brain #John - has different characterizations based on what media he's in #Me - my writing must be in character or I Will Die #also me - we don't talk about halo 5 but i will loot its corpse for bits of lore I like #im sorry for being like this #my writing #Therapy time #John 117 #this is not a halo blog #haha this was peer reviewed nonsense #thanks yall for enabling me #i have even more ideas for the infinity sitcom folder now

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shotsbyshae · 5 years ago

Text

Hurricane

Warnings: Language, Smut-ish

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader, Bucky Barnes x Reader

Words: 2.4k

Summary: Bucky does something crazy for his best friend Steve, doesn’t he? After all, Barnes only tolerates you because of Rogers, right?

A/N: Rogers or Barnes? Both. Some of you asked for both, so here’s a little Saturday drabble.

Song: Hurricane by Halsey

And I found myself reminded, to keep you far away from me.

When will I die?

It isn’t something you ask yourself often.

Or ever, for that matter.

Maybe it should be though.

You were chasing down a lead Peter had on a local drug cartel, when the two of you stumbled upon a situation involving Martin Li’s enforcers at one of Fisk’s construction sites. Back up was on the way, but the Demons – that’s what they call themselves – had hostages. You had taken out a couple of them on an unfinished level of the building when you heard the energy blast a few stories above you.

Peter had disappeared up there moments ago, checking for more hostages.

“Parker,” you say quickly over the comms. “You good?” There’s no response and your eyes dart back and forth frantically as you scan the roof above you. “Parker?”

One of the Demons moves to the edge of the roof, Peter’s body slung over his shoulder, and you watch in horror as he lifts him up and tosses his lifeless body over the side.

The boy in the red and black suit is free falling and you have very little time to do the calculations. You take a few steps back before you begin running as hard as you can, leaping from the edge of the building as Peter’s body falls in front of you. You dive, arms flat against your side, like you’ve seen your friend do many times, giving you enough momentum to reach him as he falls face first and you cling to his back. You wrap your legs around his waist tightly, arms circling his chest, pulling his arms in with them, as you fumble for his wrist.

You press the release button located there, a string of webbing launches from the device and you watch in slow motion, willing the sticky substance higher as it flies towards the scaffolding above. Hair whipping across your face reminds you of how fast you’re plummeting toward the ground as the web finally makes contact and jerks Parker’s body out of the free fall.

The momentum and the force from the snap is too much.

You can’t hold him.

Falling backwards as you watch him dangle lifelessly above you, one arm stretched high above his head is the last image you see. Fearful of the inevitable, you close your eyes tightly. Peter’s voice sounds far away, screaming your name as he wakes up. The web he shoots from his other wrist toward you hits square in the center of your stealth suit.

Right as your body crumples the metal roof of the black sedan, shattering every window in an explosion of glass.

He’s too late.

***

Barnes stares through the glass, watching as Natasha touches Steve’s shoulder gingerly. She’s biting back her emotions, trying to be strong for her friend. Tony turns away from the table, rubbing his face with his hands.

“It’s my fault,” the words come out in a broken whisper from beside him. “If I hadn’t –”

“Don’t,” Bucky says quietly, almost like a warning, as he turns to Peter. The boy is still in his suit, not holding his emotions back like everyone else is trying to do.

It feels like looking into a mirror for Barnes, Peter’s emotions mimicking his own. The ones he’s keeping buried.

He’s broken.

Lost.

“Don’t blame yourself,” Barnes continues, staring down at Parker. “It was accident. She did what she did to save you.”

Peter glances up at the dark-haired man, his eyes bloodshot from tears, “But I couldn’t save her.”

Bucky doesn’t have a response as he glances back to your lifeless body on the table inside the room, watching while Steve angrily flips a small table close to him. Vials and beakers flying and shattering across the floor.

***

He knows the cost.

Hydra had dealt with them in the past.

It wasn’t a guarantee, but he has to at least try.

For Steve.

The thought of losing you – never again seeing the way your eyes light up when you smile at Steve or never again hearing the sound of your laugh echo through the gym at the compound – he just can’t.

He remembers the first day he met you. Wakanda. You had shown up with Steve and Sam – a new asset assigned by Fury. There was something about you.

“She the new asset?” he had asked his friend as Sam introduced you to Shuri.

“Yea, she’s good,” the smile on Steve’s face told Bucky it was too late. He was watching you interact with T’Challa like a schoolboy – lovesick.

Barnes knew then that the line was drawn.

So, this – this he is doing for Steve.

Because there is no other reason.

There can be no other reason.

There’s a line.

Steve cares for you.

He can’t.

***

“What do we do?” Natasha asks quietly of Tony as they stand on the other side of the large window, looking into the lab.

The lights are down, the grey stainless-steel table in the center of the room a cold, hard contrast to you. Ethereal beauty lying on top, hands at your side, stealth suit in perfect condition, you could be sleeping, but your skin tells a different story. Pale and lifeless, lips drained of color, no longer perfect and pink, now a wretched blue tint.

Dead and lovely.

Steve sits near the table with his shoulders slouched forward, head bowed. He hasn’t left since they brought your body in. Leaving means admitting that you’re really gone, and this isn��t real.

It can’t be real.

“I don’t know,” Tony says with a despondent shake of his head. “Where’s the kid?”

“With Barnes and Wilson.”

“He’s with Sam,” Bucky says quietly from the other end of the hall. “Stark.” A simple tilt of his head indicates to Tony that he needs a word with him, and Natasha watches them curiously as they walk farther down the hallway.

***

You were infectious and watching Steve fall for you was both beautiful and painful. He knew to keep his distance. That he couldn’t afford to let you close to him. Steve meant too much to him.

He’s on his knees, burying the small wooden box in the shallow hole he’s dug in the middle of the dirt road. It’s hardly traveled anymore, but it will suffice for what he’s needing. You’d be so angry if you knew what he was doing.

But he’d give anything to have you yell at him again.

He can remember the first time you stood your ground against him – so bold.

“That was reckless,” he yelled across the quinjet.

“I had it under control,” you stated firmly, glancing to Sam, who stood beside you.

“We had a plan,” Bucky folded his arms across his chest. “You could have gotten one of us killed.”

Something clicked inside your mind at his statement and you took a menacing step forward, “I did exactly what you would have done. What’s your problem Barnes?”

His eyes narrowed at your brazenness, but he’d known you were right, “I can’t work with someone I don’t trust.” It was just words – words he’d knew would push you away. That’s what he needed though.

He wasn’t mad about the mission.

Or your actions.

It was something else.

Last night, he’d saw you in the gym with him. He should have left once he realized Steve’s hand was inside your sweatpants, not watched the intimate moment between the two of you.

It was wrong.

Twisted.

But he couldn’t look away. Your soft, breathy moans were like a siren’s song – captivating – he watched his best friend unravel you. The way your chest shuttered as your fingernails dug into his arm. Your face – the look of pure ecstasy – the most beautiful he’d ever seen you look.

If he was Steve – he’d want to see you look like that – always.

But he wasn’t Steve and he knew it was wrong to think that.

To have that vision of you with him later, in the quiet of his own room as he found his own release.

“Your soul for her life?” the man in the black suit questions Bucky, standing in front of him at the crossroads. “She must be pretty special to you Mr. Barnes, or do you still go by the other moniker? What was it – The G.I. Snowman?”

“Do we have a deal or not Crowley?” Bucky says, obviously annoyed with the demon in front of him.

***

You awake with a jolt, neurons and synapses firing all at once, blood coursing through your veins with a heartbeat twice as fast as normal. Your body regulating itself out internally, as externally you stare at the fluorescent lighting above you.

How are you awake right now?

The fall.

You had felt it.

Everything.

You had died.

Lifting your arms slowly you move to sit up on the cold, stainless steel table. There’s a flurry of motion out of the corner of your eye and warm, supportive hands are on your shoulders.

“Hey – easy,” Steve’s voice is soft as you wrap your hands around the edge of the table.

“What – what’s going on?” the confusion on your face evident as you look over at him.

“I’ll explain,” there’s relief in his eyes and pure joy as he stares at you.

There’s more movement in the room and suddenly there’s a hand on your knee. You turn your head slowly to look Peter, his face and eyes red and blotchy from tears. His voice cracks, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His arms are around you, pulling you close, clinging to you as if you’ll slip away again. “So sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you manage to breathe into the red fabric as you drape an arm around him.

Glancing past his shoulder you can see Tony standing there and he smiles at you warmly, with a touch of remorse. You pull away from Peter, glancing from Tony to Steve, as your heartrate increases with the growing dread in your stomach.

“What did you do?” you question in a quiet, accusatory tone.

“You’re alive,” Steve’s fingers touch your face gingerly, as if you’ll disappear just as quickly as you had come back. “That’s all that matters.”

“How?” you question. Peter drops his head and you see Tony’s eyes glance down at the floor. “Tony, how?”

***

The knock on his door surprises him and as he opens it, his body tenses, because one look at you and it’s obvious you know. Dammit Tony. There’s a storm of emotions raging in your eyes.

Anger.

Confusion.

Guilt.

But at least you’re alive.

“Why?” the word slips coldly from your lips. He holds your gaze for a moment before turning and walking away. You close the door behind you, angrily following him. “No. You don’t get to walk away.” You watch his shoulders slowly rise and fall as he takes a deep breath before you continue your ranting, “Most days you don’t even like me, Barnes. We’re hardly friends. Why would you do that?”

He finally turns, hands gripping the back of his desk chair as he keeps his eyes focused on the floor, “Because Steve –”

“No,” you practically snarl. Every word venomous as you rush him, closing the distance between you. Hands shoving against his chest roughly, forcing him to acknowledge your presence. “Don’t fucking say his name. You selfish –” Barnes stumbles a little as you shove him again. All the rage coursing through you makes you a bit stronger than usual. You slam clenched fists against his chest again, “You weren’t thinking of him. He cares about you too.”

“He loves you,” it falls from his lips in a heartbreaking whisper as his hands grab your wrists tightly, stopping your assault on him.

Your eyes drop to the hands on you. A painfully beautiful contrast of warm flesh and cold vibranium, much like the two of them. Swallowing the lump in your throat you glance up, eyes brimming with hot, angry tears, “Did you do it for him – or you?”

His tongue slips across his bottom lip – an anxious habit – as he glances away from you, releasing the grip he has on your wrists. You fold your arms across your chest, an effort to subdue yourself from attacking him anymore.

“Bucky, tell me.”

His name sounds sweet rolling off your tongue – innocent. He’d rather you be pissed off.

Fight him.

Make it hurt.

He deserves it.

Hates himself for this, but he could only push you away for so long until you started pushing back. His gaze shifts back to yours, “Don’t make me answer that.”

The look in his eyes is the only response you need, “How long did you get?”

“Ten years.”

“Does Steve know?” your tone is calloused. “About the deal?”

“No,” he replies. “Only Tony. Everyone else thinks it’s some sort of secret Hydra serum.”

Glancing away from him as you contemplate the situation you nod slightly, “Okay.” Then turn abruptly, walking back toward his door.

“Where you going?” he questions, your sudden change in demeanor surprising him.

You turn to look at him coldly, “It wasn’t your place to save me.”

“You were dead,” his voice rising with contempt as he stalks after you. “Died saving the kid. You think he could live with that?” Peter hasn’t crossed your mind. You’ve been too angry with Barnes. “The kind of irreparable damage that would have done to him.” He’s all but towering over you. “What I did was fucking selfish.” His tone dropping to almost a whisper as his eyes search yours. “But I’d do it again.”

You can see the storm raging in his eyes, much like your own. All the anger, guilt, and confusion swirling upon itself.

All this time.

He hasn’t hated you.

Hesitantly you lift your hand to his face, the stubble on his jaw prickly against your palm. At first, he tenses but then softens, eyes closed as his head leans into your hand. Touch-starved is an understatement.

Seeing his reaction does something to you.

You can’t explain it.

But you know it’s wrong.

You lean up, pressing your lips against his gently, instantly feeling the restraint there. He doesn’t move away though.

“Thank you,” you whisper as you pull back slightly, your thumb caressing his cheek.

“I’m sorry,” his words are hot against your lips.

“Me too,” you reply softly, before kissing the corner of his mouth. You move away then, before you do something else you’ll regret.

You love Steve, you really do, but Bucky had given his soul up for you.

That makes things complicated.

You never wanted complicated.

Didn’t ask for it.

Funny what death does to a person.

#steve rogers #bucky barnes #steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers fanfiction #bucky barnes fanfiction #marvel #mcu #fanfic #avengers fanfiction #steve rogers smut #steve rogers fanfic #bucky barnes fanfic #avengers #avengers fanfic #supernatural/avenger fanfiction #supernatural crossover

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guessimjoiningthespidermanfandom · 4 years ago

Text

The Zone

Peter Parker x bisexual!reader

Peter Parker x fem!reader

Peter Parker x black!reader

Peter Parker x villain!reader

Warnings: Mentions of violence, bruising, allusions to corrupt government, drug use, underage drinking, knives, mentions of neo-nazis, bad eating and sleeping habits, a mention of sex, mentions of death and the dead.

Word Count: 3.7k

Songs: Changes- Charles Bradley, 4 Morant- Doja Cat, Prey- The Neighborhood, Stay Together- Noah Cyrus, Without me- Eminem, Colors- Halsey, Where’s My Juul??-Full Tac, Pork Soda-Glass Animals, Everyday- A$AP Rocky, Facts- Kanye West, Why’d You Only Call Me When You’re High?, Immortal- J.Cole, High Enough- K,Flay, Drugs- UPSAHL.

A/N: This is pretty short but it’s also the fasest I’ve released a chapter after the other was released.

Series Masterlist Previous Part Next Part

I smashed the keypad multiple times with the handle of a knife before the metal finally fell. I pulled all the wires out before hearing the words ‘System Malfunction’.

If I hadn’t disarmed the alarm system already. I’d probably be worried right about now. I manually slid open the cell door.

That’s when she glanced up at me.

“Took you look enough,” She smirked.

“I could’ve gotten you out sooner if you didn’t get your ass locked up in solitary,” I tossed her the Black Cat suit.

“You know I still don’t know your name or what you look like,” She stated pulling the suit up “and I don’t think that's fair seeing as you know those things about me,” She cooed.

I pulled my mask over my face “It’s Y/N. Happy now?”

“Wow I always knew your voice sounded attractive, matches the face,”

“Okay, we can kiss my ass later but now we have about 2 minutes to get out before the guards come and get us,”

Leaving the building the same way I came in through the vent. You’d think they’d have better security. I was thankful they didn’t when we finally reached the car.

“Who’s car is this?” Felicia asked hopping in the passenger seat.

“Dunno,” I said, putting the car in the drive.

“Hold on tight,” I warned before ramming into the fence at full speed successfully knocking it down.

I was definitely not holding my breath that whole time. And I definitely was not doubting myself. Okay maybe I was, a little.

“I’m surprised that actually worked, none of this was planned at all,” I laughed in relief.

She laughed along with me

“Plans are for the ‘good guys’, if you’re smart enough you don’t need plans,”

“If that’s not the truth,” I replied turning onto a deserted road “You owe me again, I’m not counting, but I believe the score’s 3:1,”

She was right, you never need a plan. Second moral to the story is that even “villains” never work alone. I know I always talk that “every man for themselves” mess but everyone needs a support team. And for people who supposedly have no morals they haven’t betrayed me yet.

There are the bad guys and then there are the bad guys. The heroes didn’t seem to care which you were, they just wanted you locked up or dead and to get all the glory for it. I think it’s time one of us gets the glory.

“Ow!” I exclaimed, pulling myself out of my thoughts.

“Sorry,” Olivia muttered, “You need to be still,” She said, dabbing a cloth on my leg.

“Well it’s hard to be still when your leg is burning,”

I was expecting some jab or joke like normal but it was silent. She looked up at me and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.

“Y/N…” Her eyes drifted over my bruised and cut up body, her voice breaking.

“You don’t have to worry about me, I promise I’m fine,”

“How am I supposed to believe that when you won’t tell me anything?”

“I don’t tell you anything cause then you’d worry,”

“Well I’m already worried!”

The next day of school was very ordinary. Well as ordinary as it got when you were a kid who was wanted in multiple cities. My body wasn’t as sore as it was the day before, the bruises were clearing up, but honestly these new weapons were no joke. I’d seen them burn straight through buildings and a ferry now. Anyways like I was saying before today was ordinary, nothing exciting unfortunately.

Rich kids in Queens take homecoming a little too seriously. For the most part, I’m not complaining penthouse parties were fun. Rich white kids love their molly.

Harry Osborn was one of those rich kids. If we’re being honest I feel like he does coke on occasion. I don’t think he actually liked homecoming all that much seeing as he’s pretty new to our school. I just think he likes being able to brag about his parties and get wasted at parties.

One of those parties would be the one I was getting ready for right now.

Olivia walked into the bathroom and stood in the doorway. This bathroom was very modern as well as the whole house. Like an art gallery.

“Hey kitten,” I said since she wasn’t going to say anything.

“Hey,”

“Are you sure you don’t want to come?” I asked.

“You know how I feel about Harry’s parties,”

That I did, her dad and Harry’s dad seemed to have some sort of beef. That I didn’t care enough to get into. But Olivia's family took it pretty seriously. I guess I could say Felicia and Olivia’s family. It’s still weird to see them as siblings. It’s not surprising, just weird. Just a weird family of kleptomaniacs.

This isn’t something I say often but I looked really hot. Like really fucking hot. I had even winged eyeliner. A nice black tube top. A pastel pink tennis skirt. I had black thong type thing on, you could see the thin straps resting on my waist from above the skirt. It wasn’t like I was trying to get fucked or anything because I was not planning on being the slightest bit of sober.

I also had thigh high socks on but only because they could conceal a knife and I’d been on high alert lately. Just because I wasn’t going to be sober didn’t mean I couldn’t protect myself. It's a sort of muscle memory when it comes to knives, at least with me

If I wore this anywhere near the kids at my old school they’d probably call me a wannabe white girl, but those kids aren’t there and they have no part of my life anymore.

I just wanted to get so fucked up that I couldn’t think at all.

I couldn’t help but think. That’s all I could do lately. My brain wouldn’t slow down to let me breathe for even one second. I just wanted to breathe and go to bed. I still can’t sleep. At least now I have a valid reason. I don’t like talking about it because it’s not a big deal or anything, but today is the anniversary of-. It’s the day Rose died. No use sugarcoating it. It passes every year, no use being in my feels about it. Couldn’t help it though, every year I’d get sad about it for about 5 minutes until I did so many drugs that I couldn’t blink.

As soon I stepped into the house. I was hit with the buzz I hadn’t felt in a while. I missed it too. It wasn’t like Liz’s “party” her thing could’ve been fun but the whole headache, Vulture thing and lack of drugs made it suck.

Anyways who cares about that. I’d been at this school long enough to know who had molly. I’d either have to flirt with them or pay which I was down for either.

See I knew the chewlery gem rod I had attached to a necklace would come in handy one of these days. Now I wouldn’t bite my mouth.

Only problem is I could still think. Which wasn’t good. There was some sort of jungle juice on the table but I just went straight for a bottle of beer sitting on the counter, because I was shaking too much to pour anything.

Beer has to be the nastiest form of alcohol out there. It looks like pee, tastes like pee, it’s like they didn’t bother trying to mask the taste of yeast in it.

My body was vibrating in a good way as I started talking to people. By the time I’d made small talk with the third person around me. I’d finished the beer and I went back to the kitchen to fill a cup with some form of alcohol and soda I wasn’t picky. Harry must’ve had the same idea.

“Hey,” He said.

“Hey, where’s your groupie,” I said referring to the blonde that’d I seen around him earlier.

“You mean Gwen?” He said, bringing a solo cup to his lips.

“Probably,” I moved over grabbing the orange soda next to me.

“Why’re you wondering, jealous?” He asked being his signature flirtatious self. There was this one time that we… you know. But we were both drunk so it doesn’t count.

“You wish I was jealous,” I rolled my eyes “We both know you're the one obsessed with me,” I laughed.

“Yep, dream about you every night,” He joked back.

I took a sip from my drink squinting as it slightly burned my throat.

“I’m sure you do,” I headed out of the kitchen.

I could feel my brain slowing down as I started to calm. That was until Facts by Kanye came on. Then suddenly it felt like my blood was boiling in my veins and I couldn’t breathe and not in the good way. I made my way to the nearest bathroom and hoped no one was making out in there.

I opened the door and the coast was clear.

I splashed water on my face. When I looked in the mirror my pupils were dilated and my face was flush. Normally my skin tone masked the effects of blushing but not this time.

I wasn’t drunk. Maybe I was but I wasn’t enough. I was still laying on the bathroom floor because it was cold and felt good in contrast against my hot skin. I was going through my phone and landed on Peter’s number. I texted him because I was bored and I can text whoever I want.

you: helo

About thirty seconds later he responded, guess he was already on his phone.

P 😜🤚: Hey

you: do yuo like pengwings

pengns

fck

penguns

penguins

He read the messages and responded rather quickly

P 😜🤚: ?

You okay?

you: yesh im fine d you like penfuins

P 😜🤚: Are you drunk

you: no im nt drunk i m jst hPpy

P 😜🤚: yeah sure, where are you.

Before I could think, I clicked the option to send location. Even if I did think it wouldn’t have done much help. None of my thoughts were coherent. I was actually happy, like really really happy.

I was still laying on the ground when I felt the floor vibrate with the knock at the door.

“Who is it?” I asked.

“Peter,” The voice called out

“Come in!” I said in a sing-songy voice.

He opened the door slowly and looked around before looking down at me.

“Hiii,”

“Hey, what are you doing on the floor,”

I shrugged after slowly pushing off the floor so I wouldn’t lose balance.

“How’d you get here?” Since I know he couldn’t drive.

“I got an Uber,”

“That’s adorable,”

“What’s adorable,”

“You, you spent money on a ride just to come see me,” I pointed out, voice cracking halfway through the sentence as tears started to well in my eyes.

“Wait don’t cry, I’m sorry, did I do something? If I did sorry for whatever it was-”

“No you didn’t do anything, it’s just me,” I moved a hand off the counter I was holding onto for balance before wiping my face. I don’t cry, at least not willingly and definitely not in front of anyone else.

“Well I was going to…” He fiddled with his hands before continuing “I was going to ask if you needed a ride because I didn’t know if you drove here or not and you’re clearly drunk-“

“I’m not drunk!” I said. “I don’t drink how could I be drunk,”

“Okay, but like I was saying do you need a ride?”

I was going to say I didn’t want to leave yet but it’s not like I was doing anything but being pathetic and hanging out in the bathroom.

“Fine, yeah”

Peter opened his mouth like he was about to say something but a knock on the door interrupted. I immediately opened the door and grabbed Peter’s wrist running, for no reason except I felt like it. I bumped into a couple doorways

By the time we’d made it out by the pool Peter was hunched over trying to catch his breath.

I started running toward the water and I could hear a faint

“Y/N don't!” As I was running but it was too late seeing as I was already in the water. I laughed as I broke the surface as I floated on my back.

Peter came over to the edge of the water and squatted down.

“Y/N”

“And nothing hurts anymore I feel kinda free!” I sang splashing around in the pool.

“Y/N”

“We're still the kids we used to be,”

“Y/N!” Peter yelled, snapping my attention back to him.

“Hmm?” I asked.

“You need to get out the pool,”

“I don’t wanna,” I whined.

“Yeah I know but don’t you wanna go home?” He asked.

The last place I’d ever want to go is “home”

“No, get in the pool,”

“Y/N,” He said sternly.

“Pleaseee,”

“Get out the pool it’s cold you’re gonna get sick,”

“Fine…” I made my way begrudgingly to the steps of the pool.

Peter gave me the hoodie he was wearing so I was able to take my skirt and socks off. I put the knife I had in the hoodie pocket.

The last thing I remember is getting in some car.

Oh shit

I woke up in a room that I did not recognize. I swear to God if I got kidnapped again. I sat up quickly and hit my head on something. It was dark but there was a nightlight. Thank God if we’re being honest I’m scared of the dark. Long story I don’t wanna get into it.

I was definitely hungover, headache prominent. It only worsened when I stepped out the room and the light from the TV hit my eyes. I glanced over to Peter laying on the couch.

Oh yeah I forgot about that.

“Hey…” I whispered. He shifted a bit “You awake?”

He sat up and looked at me rubbing his eyes before bombarding me with questions.

“Did you- Are you okay? Does your head hurt? Do you need painkillers? Sorry that I brought you here and didn’t ask. That's really creepy but you were asleep and I didn’t want to wake you because you seemed tired. Again sorry it’s just I didn’t really even know where you lived and I was-“

“Oh my God, shut up!” I interrupted.

He looked stunned, blinking a few times.

“Sorry,” I held my hand to my forehead in exasperation. “Sorry, it’s just you- you were making my head hurt.”

“Oh I’m sorry,”

“No, I promise it’s not you, if it’s okay with you can I go back to sleep? I don’t really feel like going home right now,”

“Yes of course you can!” He sat up and pushed the blanket off of him before standing. “Wait I’ll be right back,” He said. I nodded before hesitantly sitting down on the couch.

He came back rather quickly with a glass of water and some painkillers. I mumbled a quick thank you before taking them.

I yawned, surprised that I was able to actually feel tired. Normally it took at least a few hours before I could sleep if I even got the chance.

“You can take the bed,” Peter informed.

“I just wanna stay right here,” I said lazily.

He tried to scoot over but I already had my arms wrapped around him so I squeezed him tighter. I looked up and his face was tinted red, smiling before I drifted off.

I felt light hit my face and I heard the squeak of a door. I sat up and slowly unwrapped my arms from around Peter. Walking over towards May.

“I’m sorry I didn’t know if it was okay for me to stay here I should’ve called and asked,”

“No, no it’s perfectly fine,”

“Okay…”

“He talks about you all the time you know,”

I smiled at her and she smiled back.

“Thanks for not killing me for being in your house,” I joked. “But I should probably get home anyway,”

I didn’t go home. Mostly because I don’t have an actual home. I didn’t go to any of the almost 13 places I’ve stayed at, at some point either. I went to some shitty hotel. I had enough money to stay for about a week. Which was great I could stay for all of homecoming week then I’d have to find somewhere else to stay before I got more money at least.

The last step for this day was go to Olivia’s house and get my stuff back. I made my way into the house through the back door, and sure enough she was sitting on the couch like parents in movies when they catch you sneaking out.

She eyed the bag in my hand.

“So you’re leaving?”

“I-“ I didn’t get the chance to speak.

“And you weren’t going to tell me, oh okay,”

“Olivia…”

“Where are you gonna stay?”

“I’m going back to my grandma's house,”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, again I’m sorry that I tried to leave without telling you I just-“

“Didn’t want to be interrogated?”

“Yeah…”

”It’s okay, I get it, come give me a hug,”

I moved giving her a hug and she mumbled

“You smell like booze,”

As soon as I got back to the hotel I turned on the movie Frozen. Which I knew was a bad idea because the movie always made me cry.

I ended up crying myself to sleep and by the time I woke up I was late for school. I slept for 18 hours straight.

If I was going to be late might as well have had a reason. So, I got smoothies.

“I love smoothies a lot, but banana is so so strong. Which like makes it pointless to put anything else in it. People should stop saying strawberry and banana smoothie because in reality it’s a BANANA and strawberry smoothie,” I took another sip of my smoothie.

“Damn bitch, you’re saying a lot and fast what’d they put in that smoothie,” Bri said examining the cup before turning to me again “And can I have some?” I laughed before lighty shoving her shoulder.

“Noo! Continue talking you were my reference for my excitement portrait,” MJ said flipping her sketchbook towards me “I’ve missed my one and only chance to see you happy,”

“Now I know you’re not talking, I don’t think anyone has seen you smile ever,”

I slid down the bench of the lunch table

“Whatcha watching Phineas?” I asked Peter. He quickly swiped out the app. “Was it porn?”

“No! Wha- What?”

I patted his shoulder “Relax dude, I was just messing with you,”

That was the last I’d spoken to any of my friends. In all actuality that was the last time I’d spoken to anyone besides the hotel staff. I hadn’t been to school since...what’s today? Wednesday. Well then I hadn’t been to school since 3 days ago. Which also means I haven’t eaten since a week ago?

Okay I know how bad that sounds but it’s not like I’ve been eating nothing. I just haven’t been hungry lately, I have had snacks though like goldfish and chips. I’ve just been too lazy to cook and don’t have the funds to cook. I’ve also been too lazy to fake a smile or whatever so I just haven’t been going to school.

However what I have been and haven’t been eating is the issue of concern here. It’s that alien shit from the Avengers a few years ago is so much deeper than anyone could have ever thought. I’d been in research mode for a while now. I call it the zone, anything you say to me will go unheard, I mean business when I’m in the zone. If I want something to happen it will.

“Okay so, I’ll start with the government flash drive. So the aliens that attacked a while back in 2012 were called Chitauri. So Loki had control of them and was using them as an army. Loki being Thor’s brother and the God of mischief,” I clarified.

''And Loki was attacking because he wanted to be king but his brother was king instead. I mean I think, I don’t really get that part. So there was this thing called the tesseract and it’s supposedly like super powerful. This branch of government called Shield doesn’t want Loki to have this so they keep, then the invasion ensues. This tesseract however is some space stone and Loki used it to bring in the aliens. It’s some sort of infinity stone whatever that means. Howard Stark found the stone in the ocean, because a Stark is always gonna be the one to fuck the world up when they think they’re helping. Then he and someone else founded Project Pegasus-”

“What’s project Pegasus?”

“I don’t really know but I know it stands for potential energy group alternate sources,”

“Oh, so it’s Shield that’s over this… Tesseract?”

“Exactly!” I clapped and the papers with all the information I printed from the flash drive rustled underneath me.

“What are you going on about?” Carmen asked. “Like what’s the bigger picture?”

“That’s the thing! I don’t know, this is like so covered up and coded that I can’t figure it out with information that I have,” I turned towards her “But I will, and that’s where your help comes in,”

“Y/N, when’s the last time you slept?” She tilted her head like those dogs in Minecraft when you have food.

“Last night,” I waved her off.

I looked down at the information I was able to find out about Kingpin since he was mentioned in the video my mom made for me. Apparently she worked for him for a while. So did Felicia but all she’d ever tell me was “He was an ass he did give me a gift I’m grateful for though,”. He had affiliations with everyone.

From what Black Widow released out unto the world he had connections with a Neo Nazi group called HYDRA which brainwashed people from what’ve heard.

Before I’d just wanted to take down the Vulture out of pettiness if we’re being honest, but now. Oh now? I knew I’d have to.

Another paper I’d printed from Kingpin’s affiliations caught my eye.

“Hey Carmen,”

“Hm?”

“Ever been to Vegas?”

Taglist:

@tomdiddlyumptious

#peter parker #peter parker fanfiction #peter parker x reader #mcu x reader #reader x peter parker #Peter Parker x Vigilante!Reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x fem!reader #peter parker x poc reader #peter parker x black!reader #peter parker x bi!reader #peter parker x bisexual!reader #peter parker x thorn #Thorn Series #spiderman x thorn #thorns prick

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makeupbychio · 5 years ago

Photo

to our baby // C.H

Pairing : Calum Hood x Female Reader.

Words : 7.9k

Summary : You’re a makeup artist from Brazil, and by accident you met Calum on Christmas Eve in a Uber. The question is whose Uber was it? Yours or his? but one thing is for sure, he believes in soulmates. A glimpse of your pregnancy in a video.

Warnings : Fluff, fluff and fluff. Angst, mentions of miscarriage and blood.

Inspired by : Kylie Jenner’s pregnancy video. I don’t know if you like Kylie but Stormi is the real goat. Classic rom com movies. Love for Brazil and the family that I have there. Blue music video by Beyoncé. Kehlani’s pregnancy. Baby fever.

a/n : hi babies, so I love dad!sos more than myself. I poured my heart on this one and hope you like it. Feedback is more than welcome and love y’all. Happy reading. Also this give me such rich vibes because, duh, successful parents. Also I did the moodboard and it’s the first time I did one.

2 months

Your best friend Natali decided to start recording this moment, and that’s how your video starts with a soft piano melody that Calum created for the entire video.

“Are you recording this?” you said looking at your bestie’s phone.

“Yeah, cause’ it is official” your bestie said pointing at the doctor’s monitor. A little peanut of 7 weeks growing inside you. Your doctor is rubbing that cold gel in your belly and your eyes are looking at the monitor with bright, shiny, sparkly eyes but inside you are afraid too. “Hi baby, this is your mommy”.

3 days ago…

You’re in a cafe with your best friend, it’s almost night time when you decided to go for a cup of hot chocolate and a good slice of cake that you’d been craving the whole week. Calum, your boyfriend is on press tour promoting the last two singles so you’d been hanging out with your best friend.

Once you’re walking back to your place, suddenly you started to feel like crap and disgusted by the smell of coffee that a stranger was drinking and passed by you. Your best friend noticed when you gagged and told you to hold on till the next shop.

“Hi Marcela!” your bestie said to the cashier of the shop. You should have say hi too but you ran to the bathroom. “Sorry, she ate something” she said waiting for you in the other side of the door. Once you were done you were still feeling like trash.

“Hi Marcela and don’t worry I didn’t spot anything” you said. Marcela’s your best friend’s cousin. They’re from Brazil, so do you. She works in a big pharmacy, that the owner’s her brother, Pablo. “How is that pretty boy who plays the guitar?” she asked you, and you laughed that she didn’t ask about how are you.

“You just saw him a couple of weeks ago” you said. “How are you tho?”.

“Ya’ know, excited for the surgery” she said referring to her breast surgery and you’re so happy to see her finally in the process of a trans woman. “Well, before you go you should go back to the bathroom with this, on the house” she said giving you a pregnancy test. Before you refused, Marcela interrupted you. “Your boyfriend’s birthday party was wild so I’m just sayin’” your best friend gave her a look to behave. “I mean I don’t judge you with that hottie and a wild night” she said pushing you back to the bathroom.

You didn’t give her an answer, because she was right of what happened that night after you and Calum were alone. Ugh, in that moment you wanted him in the other side of that door and not your friends that are just making you more nervous.

“I would like to have his babies too if I could” Marcela tried to break the ice of this moment with a joke and your best friend punched her to be quiet. “What?! I’m just trying to make her laugh”.

“Y/N? U okay? 10 minutes have passed” Natali said knocking the door.

“I’m too coward to look at the result” you said in a shy voice in the other side. Your friends looked at each other and encouraged you by telling you that whatever the result is they are going to be with you and support you.

You left the bathroom to show them the two lines in the test. It’s positive. You’re pregnant. It wasn’t the first time tho, but that story’s for later.

“This is how I found out about you” your best friend said to the camera. “Your mother and I were living our lives having fun and working hard when she met your father”.

“I think that the story of your parents is unique, your dad loves to tell how he met your mother” Mali said to the camera.

“Once I saw in a well known tv show that you met your soulmate three times before being together. I didn’t believe it cause’ I used to think that love is a scam but one day…” Calum said to the camera. He remembered when he listened that line while watching this tv show he said ‘fuck off’ but kept watching it. Two days after that he finally met you.

3 years ago…

It was Christmas Eve, and your biggest opportunity in your career as a makeup artist. You won this with a lot of effort. You had 5 clients that day, everyone wanted to get all glam for the day by you. You were late because there was no taxi or Uber available until one driver accepted your call. It was snowing and the Uber arrived outside one of your client’s house and you ran with your suitcases full of makeup.

Once you sat in the back of the car, a guy entered the car too, hurry like you.

“Excuse me?” you asked him. “This is my car, you must have another car plate”.

“Hell nah miss. I’ve been waiting for twelve minutes” he said showing you his phone he noticed your accent and your beauty.

“I have the same one!” you showed him your phone. “Please, I’m late for work” you begged him.

“I’m late too!” he resisted.

“Can you please tell this man that I called you first?” you asked the driver.

“Sorry, the app is crazy today so maybe the system gave to me your calls” the driver said through the rear-view mirror. “But I got her call first, sorry buddy”.

“Ugh thank you! Why you don’t go on your car? For sure you have a car if you live in this neighborhood” you said at the strange man of the leather jacket.

“My car is in the mechanic" he said. “Please please I will call your couple to explain why you are late if you let me take this Uber”.

“Excuse me?! I said I’m late for work!” you were tired and you have two clients left and one of them is a billionaire, so you started to get angry at him who didn’t understand that you’re in a hurry.

“Work? You must have a boring life” he said before leaving the car. You were not going to tell him your life and explain yourself. You thought to gave him the middle finger but it’s not the day for that, you just told the driver to go.

Two months after that episode you were doing a beautiful gold eye look on a tall and handsome guy. He’s so nice and you found cute when he asked you about makeup, skincare and your career.

“So if you want more intensity with the pigment you have to spray setting spray directly to the brush and then take a little of the shadow” you told Luke when you are done with his makeup.

It was the day when they were recording Valentine’s music video.

“Dude we are waiting for you, what the hell?” Calum asked Luke when he arrived the set.

“Sorry the makeup artist is so cool we were talking a little bit. She told me she’s from Brazil and her skin looks amazing. I’m going to say to call her again for the next videos” Luke said showing the guys how amazing he feels with his gold makeup.

Calum wanted a little bit of glitter on his cheeks, but when he went to the room where you did Luke’s makeup. He didn’t find you. Another makeup artist told him that you had to do Lady Gaga’s makeup for a magazine cover when he asked about you.

Calum was going to ask how she ended doing Luke’s makeup if she does biggest celebrities looks because he was surprised and realized that she (you) must be a talented MUA. But he forgot to ask.

Two months after again. 5sos were going to Coachella but not to perform. They were excited for the weekend to have fun and to see all their favorites musicians on stage.

This festival is all about outfits, makeup, accessories, influencers, etc. But also to get to know upcoming good artists from different countries and music genres.

“Ashley how we end up here? I don’t speak portuguese” The boys said to their friend who wanted to see a brazilian artist.

“Me neither! But I love Pabllo so much” Halsey said. “Please, come on! It will be fun I promise”.

Once in the VIP section, Luke hugged a girl that Calum didn’t recognize.

“Look Y/N” Luke said showing you to rate the glitter he applied.

“It looks amazing!” you said. And after that Luke introduced you to the rest of the boys telling them about the makeup you did on him for Valentine’s video, and Halsey recognized you since she’s a fan of makeup and to be honest you should be the one who is glad to meet her.

“Hey I think I know you from somewhere” Calum said trying to remember your face and before you said something and before the boys said a dirty joke, Calum remembered. “You stole my Uber! It was my Uber”. After a couple of jokes, and you clarifying that you didn’t stole anything, the show started.

Pabllo is the first brazilian drag queen to perform in this huge festival. You were Pabllo’s makeup artist, Calum didn’t need to ask you that. He saw you enjoying the show.

“This look is amazing” Calum said about the pink look you did on Pabllo. You thanked him for that compliment because it took you almost two hours.

“I also did chilean and argentinian artists makeup” you said proud of your work for this two weekends. After this song Pabllo is performing you have to go backstage to touch up the makeup. So after you said bye to everyone and before you went back to work Calum invited you to their place where they are staying for an after party when Beyoncé closes this festival’s day.

And after that, you two have been inseparable.

Today your career’s immensely different. Today you’re one of the most famous MUA in the industry. With a lot of famous clients, most of them billionaires including people from music, films, fashion industries, etc. You also opened a makeup studio in LA. This took you years, hard work, tears, sweat and blood to be who you’re today, always proud to be an immigrant. Nobody believes you when you told the story how you get into makeup. You come from a poor town in Brazil and every single night when you were in highschool you ran away from home to go to bars and do drag queens makeup, since then you’re friends with Pabllo and every brazilian drag queen.

“Like I was saying this is how she told your father about you” your best friend said while in the video that moment’s playing. You and Calum are in Arraial Do Cabo beach, your favorite since you have memory. It was sunset time, you were standing in the water holding hands when you told Calum the big new. The 35mm video shows how Calum lifts you up and kisses you so tenderly with the beautiful crystalline water as the background while he kneels to kiss your exposed belly in your bikini.

Of course you asked your doctor if you could travel to Brazil, your homeland. This was a trip that you planned with Calum for so long, you missed your family so much and also you didn’t want to cancel it since it was also Calum’s vacations. Once you arrived back your parents house you told them and your brothers (you’re the younger sibling) the big new. All of them cried and hugged you and for dinner your mom did all of your favorites brazilian dishes and desserts that you missed so much and you have to eat for you and the baby.

It was summer in Brazil and that night there was a storm but hot as fuck, as always. You were looking at the beauty of the city during night while you waited for Calum for bed time after an amazing day. He showed you the pictures he took during the day, he didn’t know if your glow was because you were at home, like when he visits Australia, or if it was the pregnancy.

The next day you decided to go for a picnic with your family, a tradition you have. You went to the same place that is close to your old house. The picnic area has multiples simple grass courts where kids play football. You filmed the moments when Calum and your brothers started playing with the kids of the neighborhood including your nephews, your heart melted to that view of the children laughing when Calum failed a goal and Calum’s heart melted at the view of you playing with your nephews in the grass and then dancing with them. They love to show you what they had learned about samba and capoeira. The only thing on Calum’s mind was that it feels just right with you and that he can not wait to live what he’s watching, with you. With each of them holding your hands you came back to picnic table.

“Baby you’re going to have amazing avós, tios and primos” you said while filming your family members that picnic day. Your parents kissing your forehead and your brothers filming you playing carefully with them the match.

“She still has it” your eldest brother said to the camera and then filming the picnic day. You can’t explain how much you love your family. You bought them a house in a good side of the city when you became rich. You were dreaming that your whole life because you came from a really poor part of Brazil but with the hard work of your mom, as a hairdresser, and your dad as a fisherman, you always had food and a house full of love. You consider your step dad like your real father, because he’s been there for you since day one and he taught you almost everything of life.

The first time Calum went to Brazil to meet your family, he already knew about your step dad. He and your brothers were harsh with Calum. The three of them have been always protecting you. When they realized how much Calum loves you, they treated him like family. Calum admires that coming from your step dad, and more than ever he has to show you that he would never do what your biological father did to you. He’s going to be the best dad in the world because he always wanted this with you.

Your last night in Brazil you found yourself looking at the balcony. You were sad for leaving again and for an specific memory. Calum noticed you were not sleeping and he knows you better than himself.

“Why you told me that you were scared to tell me the big new” he asked you. You told him that you didn’t know how he was going to react. And also because you didn’t know if he still wanted a family with you after your miscarriage you had last year.

1 year ago…

You never understand why the brain always remember the bad moments or the traumas. Sometimes you feel like this happened yesterday and some nights still haunts you. It was your mistake even when everyone told you that it wasn’t your fault. But it was.

You were back from Europe after all the fashion weeks in different countries. You travelled a lot, with no stop doing tons of makeup looks to tons of models to almost every designer that called you. Back in LA you continued with your clients and your studio.

You remembered that night, Calum was back too from the shows they did in Australia and New Zealand. Both of you were exhausted. In the middle of the night you started to feel feverish and thirsty so you went for water downstairs. Before you passed out you felt a strong ache in your back. The noise your body did against the floor got Duke in a second running where you were. He started barking when his help didn’t work which woke up Calum. He knew something was happening because you were not in bed and Duke was desperate. When he found you in the kitchen floor he called emergency when he saw blood in your shorts, he waited the ambulance next to you and holding you all scared because he had no idea what was happening.

In the hospital when the doctors did all the exams and gave you the medication you needed, your doctor went outside to talk to Calum explaining him what happened. You didn’t know you were pregnant until the moment you woke up and your doctor explained to you the same. Your doctor told you that the cause was the non-stop work you did, without eating well or drinking water, sleeping less than 4 hours, too much flights and the baby couldn’t make it. After a couple of days in the hospital to recover, your doctor told you to stay and rest at home all the time you needed. Calum was there for you all the time, taking care of you and letting you know he loves you, even when you felt guilty and barely could look at his eyes. You always thanked him for what he did because after that you thought he was going to break up with you. Your family, the guys and friends were there for you too and until today you go to a therapist.

Despite all the sadness that brought you the hardest time you had ever lived. It taught you to take care of yourself, to put your health first and to slow down with work even when it’s your passion. So now when your doctor said that you were pregnant, you decided to keep this a secret until your baby is born. You want to live to the fullest this pregnancy, taking care of you and your child, so that’s why you don’t want any paparazzis following you everywhere or things that damage your mental health because you don’t want the baby to feel your anxiety or panic over unnecessary scenarios.

You told your loved ones your plan, you told just the right amount of people that you were pregnant, people who you can trust. You told your clients the secret and that you were going to work and keep doing their makeup until you start to show.

“He just told us like ‘hey look at this’ and for our surprise it was the first ultrasound scan” Michael said to the camera while a video of that moment plays. Calum telling the boys that like if it was a simple meme on instagram, their faces, reactions by jumping and screaming were priceless. “And we were so confused and I remembered I said ‘wait this a baby’”.

“Come on guys!” Luke said when you and Calum were goofing around the arena during soundcheck playing like kids and hugging each other. Then in the dressing room waiting for the show cuddling in the sofa laying your bodies in the limited space, Calum’s kissing your nose and the rest of your face and you’re caressing his cheeks and stubble softly with your nails. You promised Calum that you’re going to be careful every single show you will come to see him.

“Every single picture or video you find about your parents, you can see the chemistry” Andy, who is the director of this video, said to the camera and then a video he did for Calum’s birthday party is playing. “Everybody say happy birthday to Cal… one, two, three!” Ashton said through the microphone when it was time to sing at Calum. Then you two kissing and partying, and then leaving the club with all the flashes directly to your faces and other cool little moments of you two playing in the video to show how could your baby’s parents are.

3 months

You were in your first trimester when Calum found himself stepping into the elevator for the ultrasound which is going to reveal your baby’s gender. Andy’s filming everything and zoomed to little details that showed that Calum was nervous and anxious to see and hear his baby for the first time. He’s waiting for you that you’re on your way after doing a client’s makeup.

Your style have always been so urban and grunge. You always wear baggy shirts with cool designs on it or bands/singers merch or vintage shirts. And now it’s even more comfortable to you wearing that.

Luke was waiting for you to drive you to the clinic. It wasn’t a surprise when you saw paparazzis pictures of you arriving with Luke and rumors were already on social media but till the end everyone denied your pregnancy. But it was funny but crazy some of the rumors.

Plastic surgery, that you were cheating Calum with Luke, that you were expecting a baby, etc.

“Please guys, leave her alone” Luke said to the paps when he got out the car. He had to lie but he wanted to scream at them to give you space because of the baby but he couldn’t. Everyone was so protective with you and you understood because none of you wanted you live another miscarriage.

If it depends on Calum, he prefers that you don’t lift heavy things or anything that requires too much effort. “How are you feeling today baby mama?” he asked knowing about your morning sickness. You told him that you were perfect that you just want to know the gender of your baby.

“You’re fifteen weeks now” your doctor said rubbing again the cold gel against your belly. Calum was in a chair next to you rubbing your leg focused watching the monitor just like you.

“Hey chief u are putting too much pressure on” Calum said on the defensive watching how hard the doctor was pressing the gel in your belly.

“Don’t worry, Calum. It’s just the skin. There she is” the doctor said once finally found the perfect take of the baby checking every detail and told you both that everything is okay.

“She? Can we hear the heartbeat?” Calum asked already covering his mouth and he can feel the chills going down his body tearing a little bit. Andy who was inside the room, zoomed to the monitor and also the only one who knew the gender before the reveal party.

4 months

Make it last forever

Come on, baby, won’t you hold on to me, hold on to me?

You and I together

Come on, baby, won’t you hold on to me, hold on to me?

Blue

Calum till the present day after your baby was born, he sings this song to her at nights. His voice activated your baby, she really loves her daddy’s voice and she showed her joy with shorts kicks in your belly. She demanded when she missed Calum’s voice or warm touch or when she was having a really good time after he sang or talked to her.

“Babe I think your daughter’s having a party in there” you said feeling her feet. You also had your mom and daughter quality time, you talked to her most of the times telling her typical brazilian stories your mom told you once, or giving her a couple of wise words or you also sing to her even when you can’t compare your voice with Calum’s with brazilian or typical lullabies.

“Hi baby, I know you love this private concerts at night but mommy has to sleep too” he said closer to your bump. Calum helped her to go to sleep by telling her stories or how he can’t wait to have her in his arms. “Well, as I can see you want to be awake I’m going to tell how I met your gorgeous mother” he started. He keeps telling that story too, you always tease that she’s going to get bored of the story but Calum tells the story every single time with more love.

5 months

Short videos of yourself in sweats and your bra showing your growing belly of five months in the backyard taking the sun of LA and the spring that is left. Then in the pool, next with Duke aka your partner of naps when Calum was in the studio, who at the first months he laid his head on top of your belly but now that is bigger he just lays next to it.

Since you got your doctor’s confirmation, you did mini videos in the mirror of your bathroom to see the progress. Filming from different angles with different clothes like underwear or bikini, short or long dresses, thigh or loose, etc. Calum loves to appear in the take behind you kissing your neck and landing his hands in your belly. Now talking about bathroom, he also loves to help you to get into and out the shower, wrapping you with towels, putting your socks or shoes if you can’t reach your feet, zipping up your dress and if you had a rough day he prepares you a bath with bubbles and candles and joins you. He loves doing all of the previous thing before you got pregnant. You do by yourself your makeup, of course, but he teases you about he’ll be an amazing makeup artist.

“Not after what you did to me that time” you said at him remembering that funny video when he did your makeup.

When Andy isn’t around you’re in charge of filming like early in the morning when you wake up before Calum. Every morning he woke up with his head near your belly and his warm touch around. He looks so at peace sleeping because you know that the previous night he fell asleep late talking with the baby, it’s been his routine lately so in the morning you take the camera and film your view, you take the opportunity to brush Cal’s messy morning curls with your fingers for a while.

6 months

Calum had a surprise for you since you couldn’t travel to Brazil or neither to Australia because it was too risky as your doctor said. He told you that today you two have Ashton’s birthday lunch. He wasn’t lying because it was Ashton’s birthday but also the surprise he had so he was filming since early in the morning.

“Babe can you help me, please?” you called him from your shared room. He went upstair with his camera.

“Damn look at you! Baby mama slaying!” he praised you looking at you with troubles with the unzipped dress. You blushed but gave him a pose with your belly at the camera.

“Please help me, next week I have to buy clothes and underwear that can fit me” you turned and he slowly helped you because he didn’t want to damage the dress that barely was fitting on you. “You can say it” you said with a pout since you noticed that any piece of your clothes were fitting you.

Calum knowing about your hormones and how you’re feeling with the shape of your body, which he thinks that you can’t look more precious but understand your struggle, he just wanted you to feel good. “You look amazing honey and you know how much I love this dress” he said with a smirk and hugging you to kiss your neck and grab your ass.

“Okay Hood, let’s go if you don’t want to have twins…daddy” you teased him before he got more horny. You winked at him and grabbed your bag to go downstairs but he stopped you.

“I think that with this you’re going to look even hotter” he gave to you a luxury package ready for your reaction. You opened it and found the shiniest gold heavy chain, you looked at him shocked. “I got a similar one too, it represents the name we choose for our baby” he said and you were already tearing up and told him that it’s beautiful and he told you not to worry knowing that the next thing you were going to say that it wasn’t necessary because of the price. Once outside you kissed him before he helped you to get into the car.

“Still don’t understand why Ash’s going to celebrate his birthday two days before” you asked Calum while he’s driving.

Calum’s a really bad liar but he did his best to keep his surprise. “I told you babe, he’s going to be in Australia for the next weeks”. Lie. And you remembered how mad you were at Ash when he told you because he was going to miss the baby shower.

But once you arrived Ash’s place and went to the living room and saw a bunch of people jumping and screaming ‘surprise’ at you, you got scared and hid your face on Calum’s neck and he can felt a few tears because your and Cal’s families are here. You hugged everyone and thanked Calum once again for this. “I love you so much”.

“Love ya’ more” he said smiling down at you and kissed your crown. And the next day both of you and your families, the guys, close friends like your MUA’s friends and from the music industry were at your place. You’re wearing a more comfortable outfit than the day before, it was a black fitted midi tank dress and a rainbow tie-dyed hoodies that you and Calum ordered for the baby shower theme because you don’t like that thing that pink is for girls and blue for boys so everyone’s wearing the colorful outfit.

You’re posing in your garden full of beautiful flowers of different colors as everyone’s taking you pictures.

“More to the side” Mali said to have the perfect picture of you and your baby. Andy was filming every moment and zoomed it when you waved at his camera and the other hand on your belly. Then pictures with Calum, then the families, the guys, and everyone who was invited. Every single person can noticed your happiness and pure joy, you were glowing and even more with your soft peachy glowy makeup you did.

In the video the zoom’s now on your and Calum’s matching chains that you were wearing minutes before the reveal.

“Goddammit just say it!” Michael screamed impatient.

“Yeah, I bet Michael that it’s a boy” Luke said. They actually did bet five hundred.

“Why would you do that?!” Ashton stole words that Calum was going to say.

“Cause’ Y/N has two brothers and two nephews, maths Ash!” Luke said confident about his prediction.

Duke was hiding inside a box with the truth. When you both opened the box, Duke came out with a mini billboard hanging on his collar that says ‘It’s a GIRL!”

“YES!” Everyone screamed but mostly Michael because now he won those five hundred dollars.

“Definitely I’m going to be her godfather” Michael said looking at the guys. Andy asked them to say something for the video, they were sitting in the couch.

“Hell nah Michael… Focus! We have to say something to our niece” Luke said at him. “Hi kiddo, unfortunately we’re also your uncles, I’m uncle Luke and just wanna to let you know that you have the coolest family ever and you can count on us for everything”.

“Yeah, I hope you guys have clear that we’re going to spoil this baby a lot” Michael said looking at you and Calum, you nodded at him and he with his partner made it clear by bringing tons of gifts for the baby shower. “Cool, I’m just going to say that never be ashamed of who you are or your dreams and I know I’m going to be your favorite uncle because your birthday’s going to be near mine”. Michael said to the camera while he did his thing with his hair of always adjusting it.

“Hi dear niece, uncle Ash here, you’re so lucky to have your parents and they’re lucky to have you. Hope you have your mother’s features cause’ she’s hot…” Calum slapped his head from behind due to the comment. “Okay! your dad isn’t that bad tho…being serious live to the fullest cause’ life’s beautiful, especially if you play drums” Ashton laughed and you rolled your eyes at how all of them including Calum had been discussing which instrument the baby’s going to love most.

7 months

“You have to exercise, you gained ten pounds that weren’t planned” your doctor said. “Something light of course, and Calum, by the way you’re looking at me all scared, don’t worry cause’ everything’s going to be okay”.

“I’ve been craving a lot lately, I’m going to start again” you said swinging your legs like a child sitting once your doctor finished cleaning the gel of your belly. So the next morning you started again with yoga, you stopped for a month and that happened. You did yoga every morning with your personal trainer, since you can’t go to her studio because the secret will be revealed. Calum was also there encouraging you and sometimes Ashton, who assured you that he wasn’t there because he finds your trainer attractive.

@enews: Is Y/N pregnant? She’d been seen attending at 5sos shows this week and fans took pictures of her enjoying the show in the middle of the arena with friends and family in the restricted space. In the pictures we can see that she gained weight by her cheeks. In the picture you can’t see if there is a baby or not due to her outfits. She, with her husband Calum also are the last ones to leave the arenas asking the bodyguards to make sure there is no paps. What do you think? It’s confusing because she and Calum have been posting a lot lately and you can’t be sure about a little 5sos member coming BUT fans are saying that maybe they’re posting old stuff to confuse us and also fans called to respect their decision after what happened to the couple last year. Link in our bio to see the pictures.

“Do you want to say something to your granddaughter?” your brother asked with the camera to your parents and you melted at how cute your family looked with the hoodies on.

“Ugh, I can’t wait to hold you, kiss you, hug you, teaching you things that maybe your mommy can’t teach you” your mom said all emotional.

Your dad said to the camera that they can’t wait to have your baby visiting Brazil and teach her all about your culture and country. And you couldn’t be more agree with them. You want to show your daughter her roots, teach her portuguese and bring her to the carnivals in Brazil, spend all day in the beach walking with her in the seashore holding your hand and a lot of things that you have in the list. The same that Calum has in my mind since he found out about his baby but visiting Australia.

“I know you’re going to be smartest and most beautiful baby in the world and as you can see you got us wrap around your finger and every single person that loves you” Calum’s mom said to the camera.

“I’m going to be the best auntie I promise” Mali said to the camera and her dad joked about she and your best friends are the only aunties, because your baby has more uncles that aunties and that’s going to be fun.

“A doble vegetarian cheeseburger with caramelized onion and fries, please” you said from the passenger seat ordering your food to the worker of your favorite place for your cravings. Not taking risks to leave the car. Since you stopped working when you were five months you’ve been wearing baggy clothes to go outside and your designer friends have been sending you all kind of clothes from baggy and comfy dresses but still elegant and chic to pants and underwear that are the pieces you needed since every day your belly grows. Your best friend was driving and Mali was filming from the back. “And two portions of fries and a strawberry vegan milkshake, please… thank you!” you said with a guilty look to the camera. Later you’re going to ask why your doctor told you to lose weight.

In another occasion that Michael invited all of you guys for dinner and you had in your plate a lot of things you took. “What do you have here?” Andy asked filming.

“Well we have mac n’ cheese, french fries and sweet potato fries, two cheeseburgers of course one for me and one for the baby and a lot of salad because why not?” you said raising your shoulders.

But it hasn’t always been this way with your cravings and just beautiful things during your pregnancy because isn’t the truth.

Your cravings were so crazy and even things you didn’t like before that suddenly you want to eat that Calum reminded you that you hate that but doesn’t argue with you because you were going to get mad. It started with a lot of sweet things like cake or pies, fruits or chocolate and a lot of ice cream. Then peanut butter with watermelon, yeah, gross. To food that you love but hated being pregnant. Also food that one day you loved and the next morning you were disgusted and the next one loved again. And it ended with a lot of salty food like cheeseburgers, pasta, nuggets, etc but your loyal friend during the 9 months was ice cream.

“Babe I want to eat feijoada!” you pouted at Calum with a huge crave of your favorite typical brazilian dish. Calum couldn’t believe what he was hearing, it was 2 am and you were hungry and not in the best mood. “And also passionfruit ice cream, please”.

Calum did everything but the brazilian restaurant you love was already closed and he didn’t have idea how to do it. “We have the ice cream tho” he suggested if you changed your mind but that didn’t happen. You were going to start crying, the hormones were doing their thing that day.

Calum really wanted to spoil you but he had no idea what to do. He tried to facetime your family but he would have understood if they hadn’t answered because it was 6 am in Brazil. Thank God, your middle brother already started his day and when Calum told him what he wanted to do, your brother really realized how much he loves you. So he told him the steps, the recipe and the special secret of your family tradition, Calum told himself for the next one to pay attention when you or another person cook this dish.

“K’ thank you man, say hello to the rest, bye!” Calum waved through the phone once the feijoada was done.

“You are going to be a good dad, Cal. Now go to spoil your girls!” your brother waved at him too. And Calum really appreciated that comment.

“Sorry babe for being a pain in the ass lately” you said to Calum while you eat the ice cream laying against the headboard of the bed. He didn’t let you apologize for that because you’re doing something majestic and it was more than normal the things you had been through.

Even when those moments aren’t going to appear in the video, Calum’s going to for sure telling your baby your crazy cravings. When you cried more than once watching puppy videos on Instagram and Calum asking you “babe what happened?” and you just told him “it’s just that the puppy’s so cute” and he comforting you every time you cried when the hormones were crazy.

When you struggled with clothes. “Baby I’m doing my best” you said almost holding your breath and Calum trying to zip up your blue dress but in the middle of the night still end up broke. That night was a mess, you were out with Calum celebrating Tyler’s birthday, a friend of yours and you were half undressed that Calum gave you his jacket to cover the mess and then you started to feel sick when you caught the smell of a strong cheese.

How to forget how you feel with your body. The pain in your back, your feet, your breasts or when you felt so tired sometimes. How some days you were feeling yourself and other days you felt the most horrendous person. Some days the sexiest woman in the world and others the most unwanted one when you found a new stretch mark or how big your breasts and butt are, the pounds you gained.

“I promised that I used to be sexy, look baby” you said at Calum showing him a picture of you when you were 18 years old, you were in Copacabana with your friends in a party. Calum every day letting know how much he loves you and told you that you’re always going to be the prettiest woman in the world even when you had chocolate all over your face. He helps you too with your body issues because for his eyes all of these new things are a reminder of your little peanut and he loves every single inch of your body.

8 months

“I’m thirty four weeks today, just a month left” you said to the camera showing your belly. “Look baby, your daddy’s painting your room” pointing at Calum applying the peachy paint in the walls and later you were going to add with black paint some trees and other things like clouds, sun, the moon, etc.

Calum was already a 24/7 daddy. He called the guys to help him with the crib and the rest of the furniture. He had ready the bags for the hospital and the plan for that day.

Since you decided to keep your pregnancy a secret and to stop working and stay at home and not be in the public eye, you still had fun doing puzzles, playing with makeup, inviting your friends when Calum had to go to work. And every day you worked from home too, you still had to manage your makeup studio and your clients glam.

Tonight you prepared dinner, a brazilian night. You invited everyone and after you were goofing around in the living room with music in the back. The guys made you laugh at their attempt to dance samba. You decided to join the baby mama dance flexing your pregnant dance moves so you started filming with the front camera of your phone and dancing with the rest to ‘All Me’ by Kehlani.

“What if she isn’t into makeup?” Andy asked you in the baby shower. This is the first time you speak for the video.

“It doesn’t matter. She can do and choose anything she likes, I just want to teach her that she as a girl that girls can. To empower her if she likes science, art or sports or whatever I’m going to be there for and with her. Baby just remember that I’m going to love you every single day of my life and I’m sure that you’re the coolest and prettiest Maori-Brazilian girl in the world and you should be proud of that. We with your dad are waiting for you, love ya’”. you said to the camera.

“Hi princess, well I’m going to try not to cry while I say this but I can’t explain how much we love you and can’t wait to finally have you in my arms and sing to you and have fun with you. You’re my sunshine and your mom’s my soulmate, that tv show I saw was right about soulmate but the truth is that Uber was mine” Calum said to the camera smiling so big that his eyes crinkled and you giving him a look because that question about if that Uber was yours or his is going to be forever a topic, but one thing for sure is that moment changed everything.

“Calum!” you screamed from the living room where you were resting after dinner with Duke in the couch. Calum arrived in a second running from the backyard. You were suddenly scared. “Don’t know if Duke peed in the couch or…” and the next thing you saw was Calum taking the bags and helping you to get up to lead you to the car. He was freaking out inside but he tried to keep calm and always reminding you to breath when a contraction hit you.

Andy filmed when he arrived the maternity floor in the hospital. Everyone was waiting outside the labor room. He gave your mom the camera as she was inside the room with Calum next to you.

“Five centimeters left” the nurse said. For the video you decided to cover the screen so everyone will see just a black screen.

“Everyone’s here” your mom said while you wait. “We, Cal’s family, the boys, Natali, Marcela and Andy with Sarah”. And all of them were nervous waiting with fingers crossed with shuddering legs and feet against the floor waiting for Calum to go outside to say that the baby’s here and that you are fine.

You didn’t put in the video the ugly side of contractions and the pain you were feeling. The word you heard a billion times was ‘breath’, ‘take a deep breathe’.

“You’re going to meet your little girl” your doctor said to you and Calum once you were ten centimeters ready. You wanted to scream at your doctor for everything that the nurses put on you. How painful the epidural shot was and the every 3 or 5 minutes the contractions were. Till today you’re more than grateful that you had Calum supporting and helping you and also that he didn’t pass out. He’s going to be forever amazed at how your body and mind really did that and carried your little princess.

“Okay, eight, nine and… ten. Go, push” you heard. “Good job Y/N, keep going please take a breath”. “One more and you’re done” your doctor said and in that moment you felt how Calum held your hand with all of his energy.

“You can do this baby” he said encouraging you. You were tired and all sweaty but your reminder was that one more to hold your baby.

Cries filled the room letting you know that she’s finally here. “Open your eyes mama” the nurse said to meet your baby before you fall asleep.

“You did it baby, congrats” Calum was crying while he kissed your forehead, so do you. “I love you mama” he said. He couldn’t believe that years ago he didn’t believe in love but getting into that Uber that Christmas Eve was, is and is going to be forever the best decision of his life.

To our baby

Ema Kara Hood

October 26

8 lbs, 9 oz

11:15 pm

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pocmuzings · 4 years ago

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Hi, I hope you're doing well! um i have no idea if i already sent this before, ((i got nervous and deleted it im pretty sure)) but i was wondering if i could get your take on something ive been struggling with? if not it's okay, you can delete this.

im having issues with my identity racially. im second generation mixed ((my grandfather was black)) and have distinctive facial features of a black person: nose, lips, coarse hair, except im paler than a piece of paper, and that puts me in a place where im questioning if its okay if i identify as biracial. im white to any white person who meets me, and im scared ill be blackfishing if identifying as so.

The other problem im facing is with the culture appropriation sweep now. i want to wear protective styles and cornrows, and items from where my families from. i don't wanna be seen as this white person who is snatching whatever, but at the same time it's my culture.

i know you're of indian decent, and can't speak for all people of color: especially blacks, but if someone were to come to you as someone who was in the same boat but had an Indian grandparent, how would you see it? again i apologize in advance if this is something that's inappropriate to ask you or if im asking the wrong person, if that's the case than you can just delete this.

hello hello !!! firstly , thank u for coming to me and wanting to speak up / talk about this . secondly , i’m so so so so sorry you’re feeling like this . i can’t imagine how isolating and confusing and hard it must be because you don’t ‘ look ‘ a certain way .

unfortunately , i don’t think this is my place to speak on . i’m so so sorry . but i’m not white passing , or biracial , nor black . i know you said to compare it to if i looked white and had an indian grandparent , but that in itself is already super different , culturally , because if i had an indian grandparent but was white passing , i’d be hailed and celebrated in all circles because indians value ‘ fairer ‘ skin . colorism takes on so many different shapes and forms and ugly sides in so many different cultures . i’m really sorry , but i don’t think i can speak on this , specifically . i can offer and provide a lending ear , and shoulder , any time and every time , but i don’t think it would be right for me to try and give you a solid answer . all i can give you is my time and utmost empathy .

however , if any of my lovely followers or mutuals have any experience or can speak on this and offer any additional support or assistance / guidance to this anon , pls reach out ! feel free to comment or come into my inbox and help this sweet anon out !

alternatively, i don’t know if it’ll be much help , but i found some articles ??? i know they might be utterly useless , but they might also be slightly beneficial , maybe ? or at least help you feel less alone and more Seen ?

this is what it’s like to be a white passing black woman

halsey reflecting on her white passing privilege

what does it mean to ‘ pass ‘ as white ?

#shutup g.#colorism tw #just in case? im not sure #Anonymous

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clumsyclifford · 4 years ago

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Hoooooow about Oh, Calamity for Mashton (or Muke if you got tired of the Mashton content) for the prompts?? Am I doing this right? 😅

ana you did it perfectly here it is sorry not sorry this is really emo that’s what you get for giving me “it’s such a shame that we play strangers” so really this is your fault

Michael sees Ashton for the first time in two years at an after-party, of all places.

It's for an awards show, the Grammys, Michael is pretty sure, but he's not here to be awarded, only to give one out. Michael doesn't know what compelled the Grammys to ask 5 Seconds of Summer to deliver one of the awards, especially since they haven't made a new album in three years, but now it's the after-party and Michael doesn't care. There's free booze, and that's all he needs to know.

He's just pulling away from a conversation with Taylor Swift, during which she'd complimented his new hair color and offered to set him up on a date in successive breaths, to which Michael had replied thanks, but no thanks, he's not really looking to date right now, but he'll keep her in mind if he ever decides to pick it up. Taylor had just smiled at him.

The party is loud; all parties are, which is why Michael tends to steer clear of them. He probably picked the wrong profession, being this sensitive to loud noise, but whatever. At least onstage he feels he has a purpose; onstage, people cheer for him, and he feels important. Here, he just feels like he could be squashed underfoot and nobody would even realize.

It's as he's turning away from Taylor, in search of more alcohol (like that's what he needs), that he spies a familiar head across the room. Familiar in a gut-wrenching way; familiar but also very much not. Familiar in a way that makes Michael want to throw up.

He pulls out his phone, unsure of what his plan is. Maybe he'll text Calum and Luke to warn them. Maybe he'll just call an Uber, pull a dine and dash on this party. He hadn't known Ashton would be here. He wouldn't have come if he had.

But before Michael can decide what he's meant to be doing on his phone, Ashton's turning around. Michael meets his eyes accidentally, and is somewhat disappointed by the fact that Ashton doesn't look surprised.

(Okay, so Michael had literally been onstage during the show, but still. He wishes that Ashton would flinch, like Michael is now.)

Then, to Michael's great dismay, Ashton starts walking towards him. Michael flickers his glance to the person he'd been in conversation with; it's Halsey — Ashley — and she's trailing behind him.

Well, fuck. Michael can't very well ditch with Ashley right there. She'd immediately know something was up, and Michael has done his level best trying to pretend like nothing is up, and like this is fine, and like he doesn't care that Ashton left the band.

(What the fuck is Ashton even doing here? He's not supposed to be in the music industry anymore. That was the whole point.)

Michael stays rooted to the spot until Ashton is within arm's reach.

"Michael," Ashton says. "I wondered if you'd be here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Michael asks, trying not to sound terse.

Ashton looks a little hurt anyway. "Nothing, I just…nothing."

"Hey, Michael," Ashley greets him. Michael gives her a cursory nod, which might be rude, but he doesn't care. His heart is off-tempo, and he's under imminent threat of having a heart attack, and Ashton's still standing there, closer than he's been in two years but still not close enough.

"I'm surprised you're here," Michael adds, to Ashton. Ashton inclines his head.

"Yeah, ah, Ashley invited me," he says.

Of fucking course she did. Michael wonders if there's something going on between them. Then he hates himself for wondering. Then, because he's drunk, he asks, "As a date?"

"As moral support," Ashley says, arching an eyebrow, which unfortunately does not answer Michael's question. "My boyfriend couldn't come."

Michael wants to shout, so you chose Ashton? Except that does answer his question, subtly, and Michael is pretty sure she knows exactly what she's doing, so he lets it go. Ashley's too clever for anyone's good, and Michael's really drunk.

"I'm gonna go get another drink," Ashley says. "Either of you want anything?"

Literally all of the alcohol in this room, Michael thinks, but they both shake their heads, so Ashley gives them respective nods and then disappears into the throng of people.

Michael looks at Ashton, overwhelmed by the space between them, and waits. After everything Ashton did, he thinks Ashton has earned the privilege of starting any conversation he intends to carry with Michael.

Ashton does, clearing his throat. "So, uh. What are you up to these days?"

He doesn’t say I haven’t seen any new 5SOS music lately, but he might as well. 5SOS isn’t officially on hiatus, although they probably should be. That would be better marketing than “Sorry, we just don’t really know how to find our sound again without our drummer doubling as the heart of the band, and we’ve written hundreds of songs but releasing any of them without Ashton would feel like betrayal.” The band hasn’t had that conversation yet, but Michael knows it’s what they’re all thinking. Nobody wants to be the one to say it, least of all Michael. He knows that Calum and Luke look at him differently now, that they know that he’s taking Ashton’s leaving harder than he should be.

It’s been two years, but standing in front of Ashton it feels like it’s been two weeks, and the bleeding starts anew. Michael’s weak, exposed and vulnerable, prepped and ready for Ashton to sink his claws back into. He hates it. He hates Ashton.

“Nothing much,” is what Michael comes out with. “Just — taking a little break to work on music, and ourselves.” A break you could have been a part of. A break that might have helped you heal. A break that might’ve meant you wouldn’t leave the fucking band.

Ashton makes a jerky motion that might be a nod. “That sounds nice.”

“It is,” Michael says, although it isn’t. “Uh. What about you? What are you up to?”

God, this sucks. This whole conversation sucks. This party sucks. Michael hates that he's standing here, three feet from a man who used to be his best friend, or — his something, something meaningful, and they're playing strangers. No, actually, worse; they are strangers. Michael doesn't even follow Ashton on Instagram anymore. He can't bear to.

(Or maybe he doesn't want to know — if Ashton's happy or sad, if he's found his new purpose in life, if he has a new girlfriend or boyfriend or best friend. There's a very specific brand of hurt that comes from watching someone you loved with your whole heart love someone else.)

Ashton rolls his shoulders, shrugging. "Honestly, a lot of different things. I do a lot of yoga. And I've been working on my cooking skills. I'm thinking about — I don't know." He presses his lips together and shrugs again, more halfheartedly. "I don't know."

"Well," Michael says. "Sounds like you're being very productive with all your new free time."

Ashton's face tightens, and Michael recognizes the simmering flame in his eyes. "Michael, don't," he says.

“Don’t what?”

"I thought we could be civil. It’s been two years."

"I'm civil," Michael says. "I'm not the one who left."

"It's not that simple and you fucking know it," Ashton says angrily. "And I'm not the one who completely cut ties with you."

"What, like I was supposed to keep in touch and update you on the tour life you'd deliberately left behind? Excuse me for thinking you wouldn't be too keen on that."

“You thought I wouldn’t want to stay in touch with my best friends? The people I considered family, really?”

“Good to know you’d leave your family.”

"Jesus, grow up, Michael," Ashton snaps. "Just admit you were immature about it."

Michael fumes. "That's really fucking rich coming from you. You're the one who cut loose the minute it got serious with us!"

There’s a moment of silence, and Michael regrets saying anything. Ashton stares.

"You're not the reason I left," he says, and all of a sudden the fire is gone from his voice. He blinks. "Is that what you really think? Michael, you're the reason I almost stayed."

"Almost," Michael repeats. His chest aches. His heart hurts. "But you didn't stay."

"You would have preferred for me to keep pretending to love a job I had begun to hate? To keep touring when it was physically hurting me? To press on and ignore my own mental health? Really?"

Michael stares at him. "No," he says. "Obviously not." He knows why Ashton left, and he knows that being angry about it makes him an asshole.

(Sometimes he thinks he's like a wounded animal, and he keeps lashing out, keeping the injury fresh on purpose. It would be worse, he's sure, to let it heal, to forget the way he loved so hard, and hurt so bad.)

“We could have talked about it,” Michael says sullenly. “You could have told us something was wrong before you decided to leave. You could have fucking warned us.”

"Look, Michael, I know I hurt you," Ashton says. Michael hates him, the way he sounds so sincerely apologetic. "I wish leaving the band didn't have to mean leaving you."

"It didn't," Michael says. Too late, he realizes it sounds like he's arguing that they can still fix it, when Michael is pretty sure they can't, and regardless he doesn't want Ashton thinking that that's what Michael's after. It's not. It's not.

(Is it?)

"Yes it did," Ashton says. "But I'm still sorry. For hurting you. It's the worst thing I've ever done. I don't think I can ever fix it, but — I never really got to tell you that I'm sorry. So." He spreads his arms. "I'm sorry."

Ashton can't fix it, Michael wants to say. He wants to say fuck you, you arrogant bastard. He wants to go back in time five minutes and call that Uber. There's fire under his fingertips, but he's looking at Ashton and he doesn't know if the fire is fury or desire.

"I've missed you," Ashton adds nervously.

"Don't tell me that," Michael says. "Don’t — you can't miss me. You left."

Ashton looks so profoundly sad at that. "Okay," he says. "I won't tell you."

Michael wishes he hadn’t spoken at all. Every single part of him is in pain. He thinks he's going to wake up with sore arm muscles from all the effort he's putting into keeping his arms by his sides. He wants to believe he'd deck Ashton right there, but it's just as likely he'd grab Ashton's hand and never let go.

"This is hard for me," he admits, curt. "I don't know what to say. You just apologized, so I can't very well be an asshole anymore."

Ashton huffs a nervous laugh. "I know," he says. "I don't know either.” He hesitates. “I like your new hair color. It suits you."

Michael wants to ban Ashton from complimenting him, but he's just banned Ashton from saying he's missed him, and if Michael carries on like this Ashton won't be able to talk before long, and the conversation will end.

(Isn't that what you wanted? Michael's subconscious points out.)

"Thanks," is what Michael says. Then, more idiotically, "I miss you, you know."

"Miss me, present tense?" Ashton asks.

Michael nods once. "I've missed you since you left. I still miss you. I don't even know you."

"I thought that was what you wanted," Ashton says, voice small in the large, loud room.

"It was. But also wasn't. I don't fucking know, Ashton." He throws his hands up, desperate for anyone to try and put his sentences together for him so he doesn't have to. It's late and he's drunk and it's Ashton and Michael has always been awful at expressing himself. He pulls a hand through his hair. "I just don't like that I don't know you. I used to love you and now I don't know you. It sucks, okay? I don't expect you to fucking understand."

"I understand," Ashton says. Michael stares at him. "Kind of."

"What do you mean, kind of?"

"I love you," Ashton says, calmly, like he's not dropping a fucking bombshell at Michael's feet. "Present tense. And it sucks that I don't know you. Anymore."

"You — fuck you." Michael squeezes his eyes shut for a moment. When he opens them back up, those hazel eyes are still just in front of him, matter-of-fact. "You can't fucking love me without knowing me."

"Yeah, you'd think, wouldn't you." Ashton gives a mirthless laugh.

Michael opens his mouth to argue. Then he closes it, because he has no argument. For all the shit he talks, he knows too well what Ashton means. He doesn't really know Ashton, either, and has done a bang-up job pushing down his feelings the last two years, but Ashton's here now and Michael's in love with him, strangers though they are. Michael is in love with Ashton now and forever. He never really stopped.

"Well, why don't you get to know me, then?" he says hesitantly. Ashton blinks.

"What?"

Michael holds out a hand. "I'm Michael Clifford. I'm in a band called 5 Seconds of Summer. I like playing video games and guitar, in that order. You are?"

Ashton blinks again. Michael might be hallucinating — he's had a lot to drink tonight — but Ashton's eyes look glassy, almost…teary. Michael shakes away the thought as Ashton slowly reaches to shake his hand. "I'm Ashton Irwin," he says. "I used to be in a band, but now I'm a session drummer and I spend a lot of time cooking and cleaning. Nice to meet you. Again."

"You sound like a nice guy, Ashton," Michael says. It's been too long to keep holding Ashton's hand, but Michael doesn't want to let go. "I'd like to get to know you better."

Ashton flexes his fingers and his hand falls out of Michael's grasp. "I'd like that," he says. "Do you want to get out of here? I know you don't like parties."

Michael finally realizes what Ashton had meant by I wondered if you'd be here. He tries to bite back his smile, because he still feels the looming sense of danger, but fails. Ashton disarms him, always has.

"Okay," he says. "Sure. I think there's a twenty-four-hour pizza place near here."

Ashton smiles. "Wouldn't expect anything less."

Ashton texts Ashley that he's leaving while Michael calls an Uber, and then they make their way to the exit, and Michael feels like his head and his heart are in temporary harmony. Maybe he'll regret this when he's sober, but probably not. It's Ashton. It's Ashton. This could be a new beginning, and Michael feels lucky to have even had a first beginning.

Against his better judgement, Michael reaches for Ashton's hand in the backseat of the Uber, and Ashton just laces their fingers together and doesn't let go.

(Michael loves him, present tense. And he's pretty sure Ashton knows. It should scare him, because Ashton's hurt him once before for being so vulnerable, but he can't help but fall again and again, every time.)

#god what a fucking LYRIC though #mashton #mashton fic #michael clifford #ashton irwin #5sos fic #fic #my fic #seriously this lyric ripped my throat out #i skipped so many of my ask prompts to post this one #mostly because meghna reminded me of it #but like.....wow what a good fucking prompt ana well fucking done #rebelwith0utacause #ask #answered #5sos

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years ago

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Okay ... after this little battle with a Lauren hater, I need to say a few things. First, I don't know Lauren. I don't know how she really is but on her social networks she has given us a glimpse of that because it’s her behind her social media. When I found out about her, I knew her image. Aka the image of her imposed by Maverick to follow the narrative of her circus Tyren. And that image was quite damaging, nothing compared to what, for example, she proved to be in my country when she opened for the Halsey concert. It was June 2018 and in Chile we were and we are in the middle of winter with very low temperatures at night. That day she was in the capital of Santiago after the concert, she had an impromptu meeting with fans where she complained in Spanish: "Why are you doing this to me?" "I don't want you to get sick" And she said that because it was very cold and it was eleven o'clock at night. And she stayed with the fans at that time and with that cold. It was there when I realized that Lauren Jauregui was not the image Maverick painted of her but that she was someone very different. And yes, she likes to curse a lot and she is short tempered, she gets mad easily, it's true. It is also true that this character is not highly appreciated in the industry because female artists tend to be different, but with Lauren we are seeing a real person. With flaws, which is not perfect, which can be like any of us who have a bad day and she wants to fuck the whole world and then apologize when she realizes that she screwed up. I prefer to follow a real artist who speaks for herself even when sometimes she screw up or sometimes I don't agree with everything she does or says. But it's her and not a public relations agent speaking for her. And this is not a justification for her behavior, nor a support for everything she does and the mutuals that know me know that I am one of the first to say when she does not seem to me and I say: "Moonchild, be careful .You're screwing it." I also know that she is bothered by criticism and she is angry about that but that is not an impediment for her to continue liking me, she will continue to like me and I will continue to support her because she is one of the few most real artists I have ever met. And I will continue to follow her even if she decides to leave the music. So no, I don't know Lauren but I understand her. I do not support many things that he says or does but I still like it and if any hater has a problem with that, I'm sorry, Lauren Jauregui is my fav and nothing a hater says will make me change my mind about Lauren or stop me continue supporting her. If you read this moonchild, you know. I love you so much and I love your mind.

#lauren jauregui #love ya moonchild #personal thoughts

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chaoticspacefam · 4 years ago

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OC Music Meme

I was tagged for this by @actualanxiousswampwitch ! Thank you & sorry it took so long, didn’t have time to write this out before I left for holiday stuff so here we go! I shall tag: @actualanxiousswampwitch (go on give us another one XD), @a-muirehen , @kyber-heart , @thedinalixlegacy (no pressure as always, I know I’m kinda late now sksjkshskhs!) and anyone else who wants to do this, yes, I promise I mean you!

art is by @ ocellifera on deviantART! :D

Let’s do Aria this time, shall we! Since her playlist is the second-longest, and her and Vano’s ship playlist is the longest, we’ll have the most (probable options! Long post so goin’ under a cut. Additional TW’s for: drugs, alcohol, alcoholism, drug addiction and murder, in case I’ve forgotten to add it to the song-specific sections. If you click past this cut, know that this is what you may find there.

reminds you of them most: It was super hard to pick just three for hers, there were so many others I wanted to include here, but couldn’t, as I wanted to make sure I included songs that covered as much of her over-arching characterisation as I could. Honourable mentions to: Miss Jackson - Panic! At The Disco feat. LOLO, Wilson (Expensive Mistakes) - Fall Out Boy, Beekeeper - Keaton Henson, and Bones Of A Rabbit - Young Heretics, which can all be found (and more) on her Spotify Playlist - catch-all warning for: sex, drugs, violence and murdering of parents applies here, be aware her playlist is very dark, just as dark as Rai’s but with differing subject matter, proceed with caution if you find anything like that triggering!)

You’re Going Down - Sick Puppies :: This one is kinda self-explanatory. I heard it on a Spotify or Youtube shuffle at some point a year or so ago and immediately went “Oh, hey Aria!” so onto her playlist it went XD “Because I'm hyped up out of control If it's a fight, I'm ready to go I wouldn't put my money on the other guy If you know what I know that I know.” don’t mess with the Tiny Sith, guys, she will put you in the medbay. She’ll do it, she’s done it before ask Vano what happened to the last guy *nods*

Liar - The Arcadian Wild :: This is a relatively “new” song in comparison, which was sent to me by a good rp/writer friend on Discord (who afaik doesn’t have other socials!) that I often discuss plot points etc. with among other things, saying “hey this reminded me of Aria thought you’d like it!”. I listened to it and yep, sure enough, it’s an Aria song. A big part of Aria’s character is that at the start, she really is quite a bad person. She’s nasty, and cantankerous and she really doesn’t care about anybody except for herself (and maybe her dad. A tiny bit.), as things progress, however, while she is still inherently quite rude and selfish, she DOES learn to value other people...provided they are people she cares about, like Vano, and her friends, and so on, as well as (sometimes, she’s working on it still) taking the blame for her own actions and learning it’s not “weak” or bad to a) admit you care about people, b) make mistakes and c) admit those mistakes and take responsibility for them. "I sense there’s trouble ahead, it’s clear by the signs and warnings. That should tell where all blame is due, So why are they pointing at MY head? [...] I sense deception to come. Honestly, truth and I are never one. 'Cause I am the lying man and I have made you my next victim. I need you to see through my act, to tell me I'm wrong, to take off the mask, or else I'll be left in the lie. And I'll deceive my way straight to demise! Cause I’m not in the right state of mind, I just wish I had strength to admit it. My stubbornness will put up a fight! But I don’t deserve to win it... I’m left in the dark, pondering my mistakes But in the light I swear I will, deny it all...”

I didn’t mean to post like half the song but woops it’s done so have it anyway lmao

Brutus - The Buttress :: TW: intense violent imagery in the lyrics. This one is very relevant but contains spoilers for upcoming and as of yet unposted/incomplete chapters (as in...like 3 ish chapters time at most) of Creeping Shadows, so I’ll post this quote as “explanation” and let you theorize who it’s about

“My name is Brutus and my name means “heavy” So with a heavy heart I'll guide this dagger into the heart of my Enemy! My whole life you were a teacher and friend to me Please know my actions are not motivated only by envy I too have a destiny! This death will be art! The people will speak of this day from near and afar This event will be history, And I'll be great too! I don't want what you have, I wanna be you!!“

reminds another character of them:

Where’s My Love? - SYML :: (Vano) I think the acoustic version is especially emotional : ))) Vano looked for her for years but couldn’t find her and genuinely thought Aria was dead. You can understand why she was so fucking angry when she found out that was a lie...but at the same time, she just wanted her love to come home :( “Did she run away? Did she run away? I don't know If she ran away, If she ran away, Come back home Just come home“

Mothers - Daughter :: (Myla, her mother) “Love all you need to love before it goes... When your face becomes a stranger’s that I don’t know. You will never remember who I was to you [...] I’m called “mother”, but they’re called “home”.”

Myla raised Aria for the first few years of her life, and really wanted to keep her away from both the Jedi and the Sith but as it became more and more clear that Aria’s Force affinity was as strong as her father’s, the situation rapidly spiralled out of Myla’s control. She tried to hide Aria, but in the end her father Noctis did find them and take Aria to train with the Sith. She didn’t see her daughter again until she was a teenager, suddenly turning up with the task to kill her for treason against the Empire (Myla is not the canon Imp Agent, but follows the general trajectory of the LS!Agent storyline i.e. an agent disillusioned with the Empire who eventually defects to the Republic with the help of the SIS.). Though she’s a Senator on Onderon now, Myla carried a blaster for personal protection and ofc knows how to use it, except...she couldn’t shoot her own daughter and that was all she wrote. I imagine her thought process during her final moments went something like in this song, especially the bit that I highlighted up there.

reminds you of a relationship of theirs, doesn’t have to be romantic, can be paternal, friendly, etc:

Tongues & Teeth - The Crane Wives :: Aria & Vano (Romantic). Aria’s relationship with Vano is incredibly messy and complicated. On one hand, she knows Vano deserves better, but at the same time she doesn’t want her to go anywhere else and it seems like no matter what she does to try and “warn her off” about what a “bad person” she is, Vano keeps coming back anyway. Ergo, this song. "Oh, I will ruin you. I will ruin you. It’s a habit...I can’t help it. I know that you mean so well, but I am not a vessel for your good intent. I will only break your pretty things, I will only wring you dry of everything! But if you’re fine with that, if you’re fine with that [...] You can be mine.”

Colours - Halsey :: Aria & Merak & Ziri (Friendship/Platonic Love) “You’re only happy when your sorry head is filled with dope, I hope you make it to the day you’re 28 years old...”

Aria “coped” (i.e. not very well but she did it) with the guilt of killing her mother and the stress brought on by the night terrors by self-medicating with glitterstims (spice) and alcohol, and this is how Merak in particular remembers her. Though she got clean from spice after they picked up Ziri, she still continued to drink (and still does) quite heavily, though at least it’s easier to manage that habit. Both of them supported her through this the best they could and it’s probably a big reason (other than Merak being Vano’s little brother) that they’re still Aria’s friends to this day, even if she doesn’t actively travel with them anymore.

(honourable mention to Agnes - Glass Animals which also falls under this “category” but I didn’t want this to get too crowded lmao, it is once again a super long post woops) You’re Gonna Go Far, Kid - The Offspring :: Aria & Roan/Darth Noctis (Familial/Familial Love) Listen, he may have taught her very bad emotional habits and turned her into a tiny attack dog, but her father did love & protect her the best way he possibly could. He was very proud of her and always envisioned her taking his place as a Darth one day (and it takes her a longass while, but eventually she does! Congrats dad!). That’s all I’ve got to say about this one 🤷‍♀️ Monster - Willyecho :: Aria & Satele Shan/The Jedi Order (Enemies to Begrudging Respect (eventually) “I can see the truth. No, you don’t have to lie to me. Don’t fill your head with things and think you’re free~ [...] You don’t believe in monsters, do you~?” ”Of course not!” ”Well, I do...” See me change...into something...darker....” My personal favourite from this “round”. It’s not until Ilum that Satele and the Jedi finally realise they have not “converted” Aria as they thought they did, but rather...they’ve had a Sith hiding under their noses, a Sith related to a Dark Councillor well-known for murdering Jedi no less, and that perhaps...the “deaths” she had convinced them were accidental, were in fact, not an accident at all. 😈 Aria, of course, gets her ass thrown in jail for a few years for this lmao When the schtick with the Revanites happens and Theron needs someone who can “negotiate in a civil manner with Sith”, he and his mother agree Aria is the best bet - if it works, the Sith will respond more positively to her than any other Jedi, if they kill her instead then they’re “rid of” her and don’t lose one of their own - when Lana’s point-of-contact happens to be Vano and the pair reunite after another several years apart, Aria refuses to return to the Republic after Yavin IV. By then, she’s developed enough of a begrudging respect for Satele (and vice versa) that the Grand Master lets her go (not that she was willing to try and fight Vano, Ni’kasi, Marr & Lana to try and take Aria prisoner again anyways). They haven’t seen each other since and though Aria is neutral to the Jedi who have joined the Alliance, she doesn’t care for those who are still loyal to the Republic and would rather have nothing to do with them if she can help it.

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sarcastically-defensive17 · 5 years ago

Text

Killing Boys - C. Hood.

Requested? Nope.

Tag list: @killerqueenishere @starshonerose

Tagged two lovely people who are kind supporters of my writing! If anybody wants to be part of the tag list let me know!

Original story by sarcastically-defensive17. Based on “Killing Boys” by Halsey.

Rule number 1 of having somebody like Y/F/N in your life, is that you should never, under any circumstances even consider the idea of crossing her. Ever.

She can be the sweetest person, but she also knew how to cut people off without a second glance. And how to get her revenge.

She kept her friends close and her enemies closer.

Which is exactly how she ended up gracefully slipping through the back left second storey window of the Hood house at exactly 12:43AM on a Thursday night.

She was quiet, agile. In her youth she spent many, many days in the bedroom with the boy who was once her best friend. The layout hadn’t changed and she stood over him, quiet as a mouse.

His breathing was deep, face relaxed and mouth slightly agape as he snored softly. Even asleep, he was quiet. She adored it about him.

Growing tired of waiting for him to wake on his own, she held a hand over his mouth and tapped repeatedly on his forehead, causing him to stir and then jump when he saw the girl.

“Don’t make a sound, Calum.” His eyes were wide, not used to the serious tone of the girl, “we have a mission.”

Told me pick my battles and be pickin' 'em wise, but I wanna pick 'em all and I don't wanna decide. No more.

“What mission? Why are you here so late? Did you come through the window?” He clutched the blanket to his chest when she moved to rip it away, how voice squeaking, “No! I’m naked!”

“You’re naked?” She raised a brow. She knew for a fact that he was not naked, simply shirtless. She lived next door to him for Christ sakes, she often saw him walking past his window with his sweats low on his hips and no shirt.

“Yes?” He stated, more as a question that a fact. He looked confused, and she looked annoyed.

Thus then led to Calum positioned in the drivers seat of his mother’s Honda Civic, a black shirt covering his torso after Y/N had forcefully put it on him in a way his mum would when he was younger.

They were both quiet, the only sound occupying the space being the radio blasting 90’s throwback. Y/N sung along to every song.

So we'll sneak in the back and then we'll kick in the door.

Every so often she would stop singing along to direct him, and eventually they pulled up outside of gated community. Inside he could see houses larger than two of his out together. The street lights were bright, and there was a strong theme of pale white brick as the foundation for almost all of the twenty or so houses inside.

The gardens could be seen from outside of the gates, every lawn clipped incredibly close and evidence of professional routine gardeners was admissible.

There was no attendee at the gate, instead she made him pull up close enough so she could input a code to the after hours keypad.

“The only thing in his phone that he didn’t hide,” her smirk was devilish, and Calum felt his heart racing at the sight.

He didn’t know what the point of their trip to her boyfriends neighborhood was, but Calum relished any moment he could spend with the girl.

Even if he never had a shot with her.

She directs him to stop a few houses down from the large White House. The lawn was clipped and an Australian flag was positioned hanging from a flagpole next to the grand driveway.

The same drive way that had four expensive cars parked.

“So what are we doing here?” He asked, eyeing the houses carefully. They didn’t take too kindly to non-residents visiting the community, especially not two teenagers from the less well off neighbourhood out on a -quote- revenge plan.

“You ever keyed a Ferrari before, Calum Hood?”

She extended her hand, in it lay multiple keys of various sizes and sharpness. A smirk was still on her face but her eyes hid something.

Almost sadness.

Tell me have you ever keyed a Ferrari before? Oh no, oh I don't anymore.

The snuck towards the house, Calum’ large feet making more racket than Y/N’s smaller ones, followed by a schedule of shush sounds falling from the girls lips.

“You sure about this?” He whispered as they approached the sleek red vehicle.

Her boyfriend bragged for nearly six months after his father had spent the large sum of money to get the overpriced vehicle. The cherry red body gleaned in the low light, and he found himself stopping to admire the beauty of the automobile in front of him.

“Now or never, Hood.”

She was beaming, and a cringe pressed into his features as she stabbed the key into the paint, walking the length of the vehicle without lifting it.

“Oh my god!” He whisper-shouts, hands raising to grab at his black curls.

“Shush!” She hissed, scratching more marks into the paint job. “You gonna stand there; or are you gonna help me draw dicks on this piece of shit?”

And I'm not breaking, I won't take it and I won't ever feel this way again 'cause you don't need me anymore. And I won't ever try again and all I want in return is revenge.

He knew he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself. Her boyfriend was the biggest jerk in their school. He tormented everybody. He couldn’t help but want revenge as well; although he wasn’t sure why Y/N would feel the need to get revenge on her boyfriend.

They spent almost an hour scratching various pictures and words into the once pristine car.

They were in their own little world, laughing with ear other and both getting revenge for the wrongdoings caused by the boy, when the porch light flicked on.

“Shit!” Left the girls lips and her fingers laced with Calum’s.

Within seconds she was pulling him along, running side by side with him as an older man rushes out of the house. He stood, not a wrinkle in his silk pajamas, an expensive looking phone clasped in his hands and he cursed the surveillance cameras for not being functional.

A stupid move, really.

Cause I don't need you anymore. So where do you go?

She rushed to the drivers side, releasing Calum’s hand as she climbed in and sped off once he claimed the passenger seat. They were both out of breath, a smile on Y/N’s face and a nervous grin on Calum’s.

She grabbed his hand as she drove, shaking it in the air as she voiced her excitement.

His cheeks flushed at the action, but he remained still as she kept his hand in hers when the moment passed.

Pull up to the drive and I remember the codes. Yeah, the only fucking numbers you don't hide in your phone. No more, no more, anymore.

She drove them to a park near their shared street, exiting the cat and claiming a spot on one of the swings. Calum followed her, already missing the weight of her palm on his.

“So,” he tried as he took a set on the swing next to her, “wanna tell me why we just ruined your boyfriends most prized possession?”

She swung her legs softly, rocking the swing back and forth. She didn’t look up at him. Calum knew her well enough to know that she only avoided eye contact when something was wrong. She was the most confident and positive girl he knew and it hurt him to know something had happened to bring her mood down.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore,” there was a small smile on her face, a sad smile and Calum found himself reaching for her hand again. “Found out he has been sleeping with my best friend for a couple months.”

“Oh.”

She made a noise of agreement, laughing softly, “It’s okay, I put hair remover in her shampoo.”

He let out a loud laugh involuntarily, and she laughed along with him.

“I feel bad about it, considering we’ve been friends for so many years but she slept with my boyfriend. I think my betrayal is a little less than hers,” she swung their joined arms, looking up at the boy.

Climb up to the window and I'm breaking the glass then I stop 'cause I don't wanna Uma Thurman your ass. No more, no more, anymore.

“I should have called Michael, we could have tried to kick his ass,” he laughed, picturing the two of them getting their ass kicked by the popular boy.

“I think I have a better chance of going Uma Thurman in his ass than you two do, god bless your souls,” the smirk was back on her face and he felt at ease witnessing the light return to her eyes.

And I'm not breaking, I won't take it and I won't ever feel this way again 'cause you don't need me anymore.

“Thank you for this, Cal,” her voice was soft, her eyes boring into his flushed cheeks.

“You don’t need to thank me, Y/N. Any guy would be stupid to turn down a pretty girl asking you to go with her on a revenge mission,” he released the words before he could stop himself, only to turn to see a slight redness tinting her face.

She beamed at him, leaning across the space between the swings and kissing his cheek.

And I won't ever try again, and all I want in return is revenge, ‘cause I don't need you anymore.

“I’m sorry that asshole did that to you. He doesn’t deserve you, and neither does your ex-best friend,” he whispered again, turning his head slightly and gasping at the close proximity.

If she leaned forward a fraction of an inch, their lips would press together. Calum would be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about kissing the girl he had been infatuated with for many years.

“I don’t need them, especially not her. Plus, boys are just place holders, they come and they go. Except for somebody as amazing as you. I’ll keep you around if you want to stay,” she whispered back, pressing a kiss to the corner of his cheek.

His face dropped slightly, the anticipation of her lips on his getting the better of him, but he still smiled sweetly at her confession, “I’m here for as long as you want me.”

“Dish our more sweet lines like the ‘pretty girl asking you on a revenge mission’ and you’ll get what you want,” she winked, giggling he beamed at the words falling from her lips.

When I don't need you anymore.

And I don't need you.

#5sos #calum hood #calum hood x reader #luke hemmings #ashton irwin #michael clifford #5 seconds of summer #songfic

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