#I’m so tired of everything
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What if I just. Gave up.
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everyone is like “dating apps are basically sales! you’re selling what you’ve got!! all you need to do is get your angles down, wear a bit of makeup, take pics in cute outfits-” i’d rather die, actually
#all i know is tshirt and leggings and the hair i woke up with#i haven’t worn makeup since like 2017 either idk if i could even do it properly anymore. i’d probably look like a clown#i’m so tired of everything#but also am lonely! soooo. the usual.#sarah speaks
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Vent below the cut
My poor puppy has gotten worse. The hives have come right back even with constant at home care. It’s time for an emergency visit but no money until the 3rd and even then I barely receive enough to survive. Yay, disability.
Sigh. Life is so hard. Sometimes I just want to give up. And this is probably sad but I don’t because idk who would take care of my dogs.
#murda thoughts#i’m so tired of everything#my soul is tired#i need a break#from life#pupper#pet illness tw
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having one of those days where everything is upsetting me and i’ve had to battle bursting into tears in public more than once and now i’m on the brink of crying in the kitchen when my entire family’s in the next room 😔
#now i take my pill back to back my hormones are even more messed up istg :(#i’m so tired of everything
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#negative tw#do you ever get tired of putting in so much effort#to be taken for granted and ignored#like you only exist to people’s convenience#and feeling like you can’t trust anyone#i’m so tired of everything#I just want to matter the way others matter to me#not usually like this on main#but sometimes it’s too hard to pretend
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Tw for mention of self destructive behavior
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I need to rip myself to shreds. I need to bleed into these sheets and let the darkness take me. I need to be whole again. I am not myself. Maybe if I die I’ll look like myself again.
I need to do something. I need to drink until I can’t think. I need to smoke something. I need to scratch at my legs until they’re bleeding.
The red reminds me of myself. It’s comforting in a way. But I also know it’s bad.
I hate the thought of relapsing. I hate the thought of losing all this progress. I can’t remember how long it’s been since. I know I’ll regret it, of course I will. But I need to hurt someone and I can’t have it be anyone else besides myself.
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Listen life might suck right now but at least I’m going back home next weekend, my Civil War funko pops are coming today, and I have opening night tickets to Ant Man
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#well I have officially reached the point where I want to drop out of uni again#it’s just getting to be too much (again)#maybe I’m just not cut out for studying#I can’t do shit at all#and it makes me so frustrated#I just want to get an education so I can say I did something for myself#but my mental illness just keeps standing in the way#and fucks it up whenever I got something good going for myself#I’m so tired of everything#I’ll delete this later#just needed to speak my frustrations out into excistence#.thoughts
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My cousins and brother are lowkey drunk and they came over to the room that I’m staying in and ugh I’m so uncomfortable :/
#their all underage(drinking age wise and legal age wise)#and their acting weird and off putting in a bad way:/#their drunk behavior reminds me of my father which is always great🥲#and my mom didn’t even reprimand my brother ::#she said she didn’t see anything so she can’t do anything and ugh#she always tells me that I’m not able to drink until I’m 21 and she frequently belittles me#and part of me understand why(as my fathers part of my family has an alcohol problem but it’s just ugh#I’m 19 and like ?????!#and the way my brother can make mistakes and fuck up and shit and not be reprimanded that much or not even but I fuck up a little or shit#and I get in trouble and it’s my fault and god she makes me feel so guilty#like the pressure of being the oldest daughter fucks me up and god#but my mom did say sorry that i didn’t drink a buzz ball because maybe I would of been happy atm and ugh#I’m 19 and I have no life no friends and god#my aunt telling me earlier that her and my mom would not survive without me or her oldest daughter and god#oldest daughters are victims ffr#now their being racist??? homophobic?!?and anti abortion?!?!#*deadnames* a good little girl because she didn’t drink- no bitch#I’m so tired of everything#I want friends i want a life#I just want to get out the house and live a little#this is probably coming off a bit whiny and childish but it’s just I wish I would be taken seriously as a young adult#my choices are not taken seriously or their always wrong#I’m so young but my life has is already going so wrong#when I’m back in Illinois I’m going to enroll in college and try my hardest to befriend people because jesus I can’t give up so early#my Texas trip is an up and down mess#the yesterday trip to the beach fucked me up#it didn’t make it easy that my mom got mad at me for being a bit annoyed because of my headache and she belittled my comfort food#sorry I didn’t want to eat subway#I didn’t want to eat it:/#and sushi was not enough of a comfort food
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Being Muslim is like you simply cannot just…Be you always have to be the most pious version of whatever stereotype white people put onto you and it’s actually infuriating
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all I wanted was to go to a edm party but I can’t because I’m not 21 😭
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okay guess i’ll just go fuck myself then
#like what the FUCK do you want from me#i can’t keep up with this shit#one day you want attention another day you don’t what the fuck do you want how can i keep you happy#guess i’ll just kill myself like what the fuck#god i wish i could but no i have to stay here and make you happy#this isn’t even about one person it’s just fucking everyone#fuck i’m so tired of this#i’m so tired of everything
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my fucking god
#egg boils#i think i’m just gonna stop everything and start getting back into games i haven’t even finished pkmn sv so i guess ill do that#i’m so tired of everything
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I CAN NOT fucking handle ANYMORE god damn shit happening, man it’s been fucking nonstop for weeks and bad shit just KEEPS FUCKING HAPPENING.
I’m so fucking over it all. Everything is fucking stupid.
#I haven’t been this depressed in a while I suppose it was time#it’s just life event after life event after li-#make it fucking stop#or make me stop fucking caring#I’m tired of caring#I’m so tired of everything#deleting later#having a breakdown nbd#let’s change that 3 to a 4 for this week alone shall we
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I just want to dissipate into dust and never think about or do anything again
#I’m so tired of everything#impromptu rehearsal made me feel worse#as in a mix of both I’m not as bad as you’re making me out to be and wow I’m worse than I thought#it was fine the pieces were easy but idk I’m just to wiped#I regret everything#misu.txt
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Just when I start to actually write which is what I made this account for things go wrong aha. My physical and mental health isn’t great so 🫠
I’m gonna try not to abandon this account and I might check in every once in a while but I’m not gonna be active any time soon.
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