#I’m so glad I got some sticker books too! I was worried about the size since they’re the same size as my sketchbooks but I really like it!!

[drfrogphd]

New sketchbooks + sticker books soon!!!

[kareofbears]

day 30: dusk

Hawaii is hot, beautiful, crowded, and decidedly not downtown Tokyo.

---

(Or, the Hawaii school trip rewritten.)

He's about to leave his hotel room when his phone starts ringing. Akira sighs, and swipes up.

"I said to call when you get there."

"Hello to you too, Futaba," Akira greets the pouting girl on the screen. "Sorry, things got busy."

"For five days!? Do you hate me?"

"I could never!" He exclaims, mock offended. "I just wanted to get you the perfect souvenir, unless you don't want the super cool Featherman stickers I saw in a gift shop—"

She gasps, pushing her face right up against the camera, screen blurring as she shakes her phone around. "You’re lying, Kurusu! There's no way you found the limited edition American Featherman laptop stickers there!"

"Mm, I'd be willing to cough it up, but only if an annoying brat is willing to forgive me."

"I forgive you, I forgive you!" She shrieks, eyes glimmering with excitement in a near dangerous way. "Okay, go have fun! Buy more of the stickers, too! I could sell them for big bucks in Japan."

"We are not ruining the merch economy, Futaba."

"You're no fun."

"I'm going now. Be good, you monster."

"Over my dead body would I ever do something good."

----

"That looks fun."

Makoto looks up from her place in the sand, a bucket in her hand. "It is. Would you like to join me?"

Akira nods, and sits beside her. He peers at her mediocre pile. There’s no design or meaning to it—It’s truly just a small mound of sand. "Is that supposed to be a sand castle?"

"Yes," she sighs. "I'm glad you can tell, at least. I've been trying to train myself to accept not being good at some things right away, so I decided to try and create a sandcastle; a task I've never practiced before."

"You never take a break, do you?"

"Well, I wouldn't exactly call this working," Makoto replies, filling her bucket with white sand. "Though how people create such tall sand castles are beyond me. How do they do it without some adhesive of some kind?" She then dumps the entire bucket onto her pile, grains sliding down as gravity takes hold. It settles back to its original, lackluster heap of sand. "Quite the predicament."

Akira stares at her. "Is that how you've been doing it this whole time?"

"Yes. Is something wrong?" She fills up another bucket of sand.

"Well—" Dump. "That's not...really how you do it."

She frowns. "I wish you'd told me that sooner, I've been working on this for fifteen minutes, and it would be a waste of time to—" Suddenly, a screaming child runs through her pile, flinging sand into both of their eyes.

After a solid minute of coughing and aggressive rubbing, Makoto turns to Akira. "A lesson would be excellent, thank you."

----

“Ooo, look at this one!” Ann exclaims, peering closely at massive, floral-themed sunglasses.

The two of them are strolling through the shopping district of their resort, pointing at random knick-knacks and giving their hot takes on them. To everyone’s surprise, Ann and Yusuke make excellent shopping partners; Yusuke is really the only one who can keep up with Ann’s insatiable need to shop, and he never butters up his response. In return, Ann listens closely to whatever advice he can give about aesthetics and color coding outfits.

“Tacky, but definitely in with the spirit of our island here,” he nods. “I think you should buy it. It will definitely bring some color into the dreariness of Tokyo.”

“You think?” Ann wears them, and looks in a mirror. “Not too much?”

“No, especially if you pair them with the blouse you bought in Shibuya.”

“The white one? Really?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright,” Ann nods. “I trust you! But if Ryuji laughs at me, I will be throwing these at his head.”

“What on earth does he know about the art of aesthetics and fashion? Certainly not close to the knowledge that you and I possess, surely?”

Ann grins. “This is why you rock, Yusuke.”

“Thank you.”

They pay for her shades before continuing their stroll through the pavilion.

“Thanks for helping me out!” Ann says, basking in the sun. “Ever since Shiho moved, I don’t really feel like I have a friend who I can shop with. I mean, there’s Haru, or Makoto, or even Akira, but I feel like I bore them after a while.”

“My pleasure,” Yusuke replies, every step he takes deliberately putting himself underneath the shade. “I can see no better use of my schedule than practicing the art of color-coding in real time rather than in front of a canvas.”

She hums. “Are you gonna buy anything?”

“Oh, lord no,” he scoffs. “To spend my money on something such as souvenirs when I can hardly imagine paying for my next meal is laughable. No, I’m perfectly content with simply aiding you on your journey.”

Ann blinks at him, before gasping loudly. “I know, I know!” She whirls in front of Yusuke, clapping her hands together. “To thank you for always being with me on my shopping trips, how about I, Takamaki Ann, will buy you one thing in this entire shopping district, free of charge!”

Yusuke frowns. “I can’t possibly do that to you.”

“Sure you can! Think of it as a thank you for being my shopping best friend!” She grips his forearm tightly, eyes twinkling. “Come on, it’ll be fun! Please!”

Yusuke shifts in place, torn. “Only if you’re certain—”

“Heck yeah, I am! Let’s go!”

=

“How about a nice shirt?”

Yusuke tilts his head, holding an armful of fake coconuts. “I have a shirt back at home.”

“Yeah, but…okay, nevermind.” Ann sighs. Shopping for Yusuke is turning out to be a headache. Every time she offers something, he always seems to find a reason not to get it.

“Oo, how about a hat?” She says, showing him a very cheesy red hat with the word ‘Aloha’ written on the top.

“I’m not a fan of hats. To restrict the brain would be to restrict the mind.”

Ann holds back a groan. She wishes Akira were here—his mental alignment with Yusuke is miles better than hers. “Sorry, Yusuke, I’m out of ideas.”

“That’s quite alright,” Yusuke smiles. “I do have to thank you for the offer--” He stops, eyes zoning in on something behind her. “My goodness,” he whispers, before running.

“Wh-what? Wait up!”

Yusuke lifts a massive tiki head, mouth agape. “It’s brilliant…” he mutters, gently brushing the wood with his thumb. “Look at the intricate carving, the colors, the size!” He gasps, before turning to her desperately, still clutching his artifact. “Ann. I need it.”

Ann opens her mouth, before closing it, teeth clacking together. It’s better not to question Yusuke, and she has to wonder why she even tried to offer something normal to him when, in reality, he’s anything but. “Sure thing.”

They walk out of the store five minutes later, Ann’s shades still perched on top of her head and Yusuke happily carrying a 3 foot tiki head.

----

Akira's sitting underneath the shade of an umbrella when Haru decides to visit.

"Hello, there."

He looks up, sunglasses darkening the figure in front of him. She’s wearing her bright teal swimsuit with a large, white sun hat on her head. "Wanna join?" he asks, patting the sand beside him.

"I'd love to," she replies, settling down beside him. "What are you doing?"

"Making sure Ryuji doesn't drown." At her inquisitive look, he continues, "He's been trying to surf for the past twenty minutes."

"Ah, I see. Are you not interested in joining?"

"Not a fan of getting in water if I can help it. You?"

"I prefer to enjoy the sun with some reading," she gestures to the book in her hands: Flowerpedia.

"I'm surprised you haven't read that one before."

"I have!" She smiles, and he mimics her in return. It's nice to see Haru happy despite all odds. "But I like to reread it when I can't actually garden. It still lets me feel as though I'm on the school rooftop this way."

"I'll let you get to it then."

Akira enjoys the sun as Haru flicks open her book. With the waves crashing, the winds blowing, and people around them laughing amongst themselves, it makes for a calming atmosphere.

After a few minutes, Haru looks up from her book. "Oh, would you look at that,” They both watch as Ryuji finally stands on his surfboard, knees shaking. His brow is furrowed in intense concentration, even more so than in group study sessions (which, in reality, doesn’t mean much). "He's doing quite well."

Akira raises his hands and cups it over his mouth. His voice turns high pitched, "Looking cool, Sakamoto-senpai!"

Ryuji looks up, eagerly looking to see which cute kouhai is calling his name before slipping off the board, submerging in water completely as his surfboard continues to ride the current without him.

Haru purses her lips, trying not to laugh. "Too cruel, Akira-kun."

"I think of it as ‘just right.’"

----

“Yo, Haru! Ann!”

The girls turn around to see Ryuji enthusiastically running towards them, a hand behind his back.

“Hello Ryuji-kun,” Haru smiles. “You seem happy.”

“You bet I am! Because, I, Sakamoto Ryuji,” he rips his hand up, showcasing a neon green frisbee. “Bought a motherfuckin’ frisbee! Oops, sorry Haru.”

“I told you, I don’t mind if you swear.”

“A frisbee?” Ann asks, skeptical. “You’re that excited over a piece of plastic?"

“Hey! Have you ever played frisbee on a beach? It’s fu-frick, ugh, whatever, it’s amazing! It tires you out like crazy and it’s super fun. Plus, there ain’t much places to throw a frisbee around in Tokyo, unless you wanna get hit by a car or something.” He grins widely, jumping in place. “So? How about it? Wanna play a few rounds?”

“Ugh, pass. Sounds lame."

“What?! I spent a crazy amount of money on this thing—screw gift shops by the way, they're monsters—and you’re gonna call it lame?”

“Don’t worry Ryuji-kun!” Haru says kindly. “I’d love to play frisbee with you”

“Aw, you’re a lifesaver!” Ryuji whoops. “Unlike this killjoy over here.”

Ann rolls her eyes. “Whatever. I’m meeting with Akira. Later, Haru.”

Ryuji and Haru separate a good few meters apart and begin to lightly throw the frisbee from each other.

“Would you like to have more distance between us?” Haru calls after a few minutes of tossing. “I’d hate to feel like I’m boring you.”

“Only if you want! Don’t wanna make you sweat or nothin’.”

“I want to!” Haru says, determined. “To learn a skill like proper throwing and the technicalities of a perfect aim is helpful in our endeavor!”

“Hell yeah, that’s the badass Haru I know! Okay, let’s get some distance in here.”

The two of them separate even further, to the point where they have to scream in order to have a conversation.

“Is this good?!” Haru yells, holding the frisbee in her hand.

“Totally!” Ryuji shouts back. “Throw it!”

Haru takes a deep breath, and throws the frisbee with all her might. Perhaps it was her passion for learning new things, or maybe it was simply because she really, really wanted it to reach Ryuji in a beautiful arc where it would land directly in his waiting hands—instead, the neon green frisbee that was lovingly bought with Ryuji's pocket money is flung, gliding into the ocean. They watch in silence as it floats, far and away, until it’s out of sight.

Ryuji does his best to go through the five stages of grief in as little time as possible.

Haru sprints towards him, apologies already bubbling from her lips, promising to buy him ten frisbees and ‘I'm so sorry I don't know what happened Ryuji-kun, come on let's go back to the gift shop.’ In the end, Ryuji successfully turns down her offer, opting instead that they split a banana split back in the hotel.

"I don't know what happened," Haru sighs, shoving strawberry ice cream in her mouth. "I must have thrown it much too hard, I'm—"

"If you say sorry again, I'm making you eat the banana."

She frowns. "Do you not like the banana part of a banana split?"

"Of course not, do I look like someone who likes fruits? Anyway, point is, stop apologizin'! No harm, no foul."

"You looked devastated, Ryuji-kun."

He waves it off. "That's fine. What do they say in English? C'est la vie?"

"I'm... pretty sure that's not English. But please, one last time, allow to me apologize—"

"What, for being too strong?" He asks, eyebrow quirking up. "Look, I know you're my senpai and all, but lemme say this." Ryuji scoops a spoonful of chocolate in his mouth before continuing. "Never apologize for being too strong, especially in a shi-crappy world like this, okay? Lotsa people wish they have what you have, and people who are strong seem to be doin' awesome! I mean, look at Ann—she can probably kick my ass!"

"But she wouldn't."

"She wouldn't," he shrugs. "Doesn't mean that she can't, though. Anyway, for the last time," he points his spoon at her seriously, dripping with melting ice cream. "It's chill. You’re strong and that's awesome. Probably from all the dirt you carry, or weeds you pull out, or something."

Haru giggles. "Thank you, Ryuji-kun."

"No prob! Hey, let's see if we can get away with fillin’ up an entire bowl with caramel sauce!"

"I don't think that's the best idea."

----

"Akiraaaaa~"

"Yes, Ann?"

She grins, donned in her bikini and proudly shoving her phone in his face. Her beach bag hangs off of her shoulders. "Photoshoot?"

He pretends to think about it. "Only if I get compensated."

"You'll get compensated through a movie when we get back?"

"Deal."

Ann chooses a nice, empty spot on the beach; a seemingly impossible task given that Hawaii is a magnet for tourists. "This place is perfect!"

"It is," he agrees. "Any particular angles you're feeling right now?"

"You know my good ones," Ann says, throwing her bag down. She'd dragged him to enough of her photoshoots that he can practically mimic them, in order, alongside her.

Akira nods, and they get to work. She gives him a variety of poses—playful, confident, flirty, and he tries his best to channel his inner Ohya and get the best shots possible (at least, enough for ‘the ‘Gram,’ as she would affectionately call it). At one point, Akira has his stomach against the sand to capture her angles, to the amusement of the people watching.

"Ooo, what a cameraman!" Ann calls, one leg in the air, mid-pose.

"Only the best for the next Vogue superstar."

She laughs, but abruptly stops when a rough, deep, unknown voice yells at them.

"Show us more, sweetheart!"

Ann makes eye contact with a massive bodybuilder, eyeing her. She giggles. "Only if you come here!"

Akira clenches his jaw as the man saunters over to her, clearly thrilled to have Ann's attention. "What's your name, honey?"

Ann smiles, leaning over, having the man salivating behind her. Then, she picks up her bag and slams it across the guy's jaw. "My name is eat shit, asshole!"

He stumbles back, shocked and clutching his jaw. "You're fucking crazy!" He spits out, backing away from her, before stomping in another direction.

Akira sits up, smiling, and puts his hand up to her. "Good one."

"Thanks!" She enthusiastically high-fives him. "Was it too much?"

"The ‘eat shit’ thing? No, it's pretty classy."

"Right? It really gets the message across!"

"You want more pictures?"

After a second, she answers, "Nah, I’m good. I am down for a selfie though."

He smiles, and they both throw bunny ears around each other, both grinning at the camera.

----

"You okay there?"

Yusuke groans, eyes closed, leaning his head back on the sofa. His hand absent-mindedly rubs his bloated stomach. The two of them are sitting alone in the hotel buffet lounge on a table that's too big for them. Everyone else had left already, too impatient to wait for Yusuke to finish. "I feel that death is approaching."

Akira grimaces in sympathy. "Was it before or after the third plate of fried squid?"

"Before." He sighs. "I am not accustomed to so much food being available to me that I may have been a tad too eager."

"I can see that," Akira pushes his glass of water towards his mildly green-looking friend. "Drink that when you can."

"Thank you, but if I attempt to put anything in my mouth right now..." he shivers. "I cannot imagine it."

"Wanna try walking it off?"

Yusuke considers it. "Yes, that would suffice."

Akira helps Yusuke up, not unlike helping an aging Saint Bernard stand, and together they make their way to the beach.

He breathes in deeply, smiling ever so slightly. "As always, a great decision, leader. I feel my insides cleansing with the salt of the ocean."

"Do you like the ocean?"

"Yes. In truth, this is only my second time going; the first being when we went in the summer," he hesitates, before admitting, "Sensei didn't like to take us places as it could have been a distraction from making art."

"That's weird," Akira says. "Since places and experiences can help you make art, can't it?"

"My thoughts exactly. Sensei seemed to have forgotten how art is truly created, instead remembering how art can be acquired," he looks to the ocean, eyes distant. "A shame, since the ocean truly is something remarkable that cannot be captured without seeing it in real life."

He takes in Yusuke's expression, the way he stares longingly at the sea, and asks, "Do you want to make art now?"

"I'd love to, but my canvases were taken away during customs," he grimaces. "A shame, since I had brought five as well. What a waste of good supplies."

Akira tugs on his fringe. "You know, sand is almost like a textured canvas, isn't it?" He traces a smiley face on the sand with his heel. "Check it out."

Yusuke blinks. "Yes, but then I won't be able to take it back with me. It would eventually be washed away, or stepped on, or—"

"Yeah but you're not doing this to put it in a gallery, aren't you?" Akira asks, smiling at Yusuke. "This is just so you have a way to make art and enjoy it."

His eyes widen, before Yusuke chuckles quietly. "You truly have an interesting mind, leader."

"You and me both."

"Alright!" Yusuke starts, clapping his hands together. "Allow me to make art, not for a museum, nor for any of these pedestrians, but for myself."

Akira watches Yusuke make intricate patterns on the white sand for forty minutes; true to his word, he was constantly interrupted by kids sprinting across his make-shift canvas, waves washing it away, and at one point someone had dropped their entire surfboard right in the middle of it all.

Yusuke steps back, and admires his work. It’s barely comprehensible—just a lot of swirls and lines, but he's smiling wider than Akira’s ever seen.

"What do you think?"

"Does it matter what I think?" Akira shrugs. "I thought you never liked making art for others' opinion."

"I'd be willing to say you're the exception."

He grins, and claps his hand on Yusuke’s shoulder. "If that's the case, then I'd say it's perfect."

----

"Three-on-three, girls against boys."

Haru puts her hand up politely. "Pardon the accusation Mako-chan, but it seems that the teams may be unfair to us girls. After all, the tallest of us is Ann, who's only 5'6."

"Nah," Ryuji shakes his head, pointing an accusatory finger at Makoto. "You weren't there when we went to the beach before. She spikes down on us, no problem. Fuckin' hurts to try and block her, too. If anything, girls’ll have the advantage here.”

"But don’t worry about them, either," Ann pipes up. "They'll have Akira on the team. He makes a great setter."

"Not to mention that Yusuke is literally 5'11," Akira points out, hand raised to block out the intense Hawaiian sun.

Ryuji looks at Yusuke, as if only now seeing his height. "Huh. Damn, you're tall, huh? Like a telephone post, or something."

"I'll take that as a compliment; without telephone posts, we cannot use telephones."

"Hell yeah, we can't!" he grins, despite Yusuke's lackluster response. "You'll earn us a ton of points dude!"

Yusuke smiles. "You can rely on me."

=

"Yusuke!" Ryuji wails, frustrated. "You can't just stand and put your arms up to block! You gotta jump! Like this!" He demonstrates. "You're just letting all her spikes in at this rate!"

"But," Yusuke frowns. "If I jump too much, I start to sweat."

"Then take off that goddamn hoodie!"

"Hmm, that's possible. However, too much sun isn't good for me. It makes me sweat."

Ryuji screams, and Akira pats his back.

The score is roughly 22 - 8, girls in the lead. Haru makes for a good setter with her steady hands, and Makoto has never hesitated about anything in her life, which both add up to a dangerous combo. On the other side of the net, the only reason they earned their meager set of points is from Akira's setter dumps. Anytime he tries to set to Ryuji, Ryuji gets so excited that he either misses the timing, or simply forgets to jump. Though, Ryuji is fantastic at receiving the ball, from his stamina and fast reflexes. Yusuke, however, refuses to receive any of Makoto's spikes, opting instead to tilt his body out of her line of fire.

"It's okay, Yusuke!" Haru calls encouragingly from the other side. "Volleyballs are pretty scary sometimes!"

"Thank you Haru, but I am truly unperturbed by the point gap."

"You should be!" Ryuji screeches.

"It's not just his fault, you idiot!" Ann yells back, all too happy to pick on Ryuji. "You're the one that can't run and jump at the same time!"

"Sh-shut up! You're letting Haru and Makoto do all the work!"

"That's way better than losing by fourteen points!"

“How long did it take you to do that mental math, Takamaki? Or did Makoto whisper the answer to you?”

“Which one of us got 29% on the last math practice exam, because it wasn’t me!”

"How about we grab food?" Makoto cuts in. "It's about that time, anyway."

"Food sounds good," Akira says quickly, eager to lower Ryuji’s blood pressure.

Yusuke nods, pleased. "Yes, I was just about famished, anyway."

"Akira told me you almost threw up."

"That was nearly two hours ago. Everything has been digested."

"I worry about you, Yusuke."

----

"Hey."

Akira turns around to see Ryuji kicking the ground, making tiny sand clouds with his flip flops. The sun is about to set soon, casting their chunk of Hawaiian beach in an ethereal golden glow. Thankfully, with the lack of heat, there are substantially less people wandering around, and it can almost be considered peaceful. Quiet, even.

"Hey, yourself."

Ryuji rubs the back of his neck, "I'm not really hungry yet. You?"

Akira feels himself smile. "Can't say that I am. Wanna walk?"

"Almost like you read my mind."

So they walk along the shoreline, flip flops in their hands as they talk, waves lapping at their feet as they laugh about nothing and everything, basking in the sunlight and in each other's company. Akira kicks sand at Ryuji's feet which led to him trying to push Akira into the waves, losing his balance, and falling into the ocean himself. After they both nearly cry with laughter, they both decided to take a break on a nearby bench.

"Man," Ryuji sighs, hair still wet with salt water. “Hawaii is nice as hell. Can’t find a beach like this in Japan, ya know?” Ryuji looks at the sunset in front of them wistfully. “Makes me wish my Ma could see it. She’s always wanted to visit warm places, but she’s always working, never got the time.” His eyes light up, “Maybe I could take a couple pictures! I bet she’d love that.”

“She would,” Akira agrees. In the few times he’s met Sakamoto-san, she’s a huge sentimental sweetheart who thinks the world of her son. “Want me to take some of you?”

Ryuji thinks about it. “How about let’s take one together? She’d be happy to have proof that I’m not just making shit up about having friends.”

“Sure thing.”

The two of them crowd around Ryuji’s phone, Akira smiling softly while Ryuji grins, throwing peace signs, snapping a photo, before pulling back again. “Aw, she’d love this!” He grins. “This ain’t actually half bad, either.”

“Send it to me,” Akira says, peering over his shoulder. “I’ve been needing a new background, anyway.”

Ryuji stares at Akira, ears red. “S-sure, dude.”

They watch the waves crash against the shore. "I can't believe today's our last day,” Ryuji sighs. “I feel like nothing even happened."

Akira hums, making mindless circles into the sand with the very tip of his toes. "Did you want something to happen?"

"I mean, nothing specific. All I know about Hawaii was that they had beaches and shit," he shifts slightly. "The one thing I actually wanted to happen was to hang out with you a whole bunch, and even then I feel like I didn't get that."

"Well, we're here now, aren't we?"

Ryuji looks up at Akira, and after a beat of silence, he laughs. "Yeah, I guess we are." He bumps shoulders with him, grinning. "Look at you, sayin' shit like that, thinking you're so cool."

"Oh, I am the coolest. Arguably, I'd say I'm the coolest guy around."

"Yeah, next to Mishima, maybe."

"You don't think I'm cool?"

"I didn't say that!"

"So you do think I'm cool?"

It might be the warm sun or the general heat of the island, but his face flushes a bright red. After a moment of spluttering, he mumbles, "I think you're cool as hell."

Akira blinks, completely caught off guard. He tries to say a joke, like hell can’t be cool, Ryuji, but his heart is hammering so hard that his body can’t seem to cooperate.

"Oh," Ryuji goes on, shoving his hands in his pockets. "I was looking through the gift shop for my Ma’s souvenir and I found something for you!"

He fishes out two small keychains; two flip flops, one left, one right. They're designed with a tacky Hawaiian print and coconuts all over. Ryuji hands one to Akira. "We could match, see?" He rubs the back of his neck again. "Thought it was neat cause if we both have one, it's like we're walking side by side! Or, you know, something like that." His flush deepens, spreading all the way down his neck and splitting his chest. "Or not, it's probably super lame and tacky, it only cost like, 4 dollars, which is like 40 yen, right? Anyway, my bad for ruining the mood—"

"I love it," Akira breathes.

Ryuji's eyes widen before he quickly turns away. "Cool, cool." He looks to the sunset, too overwhelmed to look at the boy next to him. "We should probably head back, yeah? Bet Yusuke and Ann are eating half the buffet by now."

Akira scoots closer, shoulder to shoulder with the boy beside him. "Then let them."

They sit there for a few more minutes, watching the sky slowly turn violet, matching keychains hanging loosely from their fingertips.

[mysticsparklewings]

Big Plans Tiny Planner

Ta-da!! :D It took forever, but I think this is quite possibly my favorite book-making project I've done to date!   A while back while JoAnn's was having a sale on decorative paper (I think it was 10 sheet for $2 or something like that?) and I stocked up on a few combinations I thought would work well for future book projects, and among my choices, I had picked out a page that consisted of tiny calendar pages for a full year and a piece of heavy-duty paper that I thought worked well with the various colors on that page (not all the calendar pages were as drab as the January page here, I just didn't have the patience to try and photograph all twelve of them for this ). However, it wasn't until I saw this video by SeaLemon, my go-to person for DIY book things, that I knew how to get pages that work well for a tiny planner. I had originally gotten some small lined memo pads from the dollar store, hoping to use a couple of them for pages in this theoretical mini-planner...only to find out that nope! Those pages are just a little bit too big. Trying to get them and the calendar pages lined up to glue the spine would be infuriatingly difficult. Naturally, this left me semi-up-creek without a paddle. But then I saw the aforementioned video and learned something that had never occurred to me: You can make dot-grid paper...by printing a dot grid onto regular paper!!   It seems so obvious and so simple now, but it had honestly never even crossed my mind. I guess because I have actually tried using regular grid paper for a book before and it didn't go as smoothly as I had hoped, in addition to me knowing that making your own lined paper in a similar fashion would be much more tedious task. Lining up lines when you're not a machine capable of cutting pages with laser-precision is both time-consuming and next to impossible to get perfectly aligned pages from. The dot-grid, on the other hand, provides guidelines to use for writing and drawing (the biggest disadvantage to unlined paper), and a guide for cutting, but the dots are spaced in such a way that the cut has to be pretty egregiously bad for it to be immediately noticeable if they aren't quite lined up correctly. Additionally, in this case, specifically, the dots are so faint that 1. it makes any misalignment even harder to notice, and 2. they will not show up on camera for anything, and so I didn't bother trying to include a photo to show said dot-grid. That said, I just printed off the dot grid SeaLemon made and shared in the video description onto normal printer paper. Twelve pages; printed the grid onto the front side of each, then flipped them over and printed it onto the backsides. That way I had double-sided pages and I could cut multiple small pages--four 3" x 4" pages per piece of paper--without worrying about if anything was going in the wrong or right direction. Once the grid was printed, I then used a paper cutter to first slice all twelve pages to be the same size, cutting off the excess where the dot grid didn't print because of printer margins. Then I went back through and cut them down to be the size I needed. After which I counted out four pages for each calendar page, and having learned my lesson about end pages (the pages that connect the text block to the splash pages) from the SweetTarts book I made, I cut two more pages out of cardstock to put on the front/top and back/bottom of the stack. And then I carefully lined up one side of the page stack, clasped it in place with a binder clip, and got gluing. While I waited for the coats of glue on the spine to dry, I started on the covers and splash pages. The splash pages I cut and dealt with without much fuss. The covers, on the other hand... Originally, I meant to cut the covers large enough that I could have a little overhang on the edges to make the book a bit nicer. However, I mismeasured/calculated and didn't realize it until I'd already cut the covers in one direction.   It wasn't too late to adjust for the height, but it was too late to adjust for the width. However, that wasn't too terrible, as I figured I could just move the covers over slightly and covered the missing area with the tape over the spine. That did complicate things slightly in that, later on, I had to cut and add strips of paper to the spine area to cover the under of the tape to keep the adhesive from folding and/or sticking to everything. But before the anti-sticky-spine steps happened, I was playing with placement for the cover. Earlier in the process, I had recouped the frame sticker on the front cover from my sticker collection to use in conjunction with the "big plans" placard I wanted to make in a similar fashion to how the names of the months are printed on the calendar pages. While I was fiddling with how it was going to look with the covers, I also started thinking about my choices for the tape on the spine. I ended up thinking that I liked the color of the lines on one of the covers better than the other, based on the frame and the tape options I had, combined with the color of the splash pages that were already attached to the text block by that point. I tried not to. I really did. But I couldn't help myself; I cut out another cover identical to the one of the two that I liked better. To be fair, I'm glad I did because it makes my brain feel better knowing they match nicely, but part of me can't help but wonder if it really would've mattered, provided I had put the other cover on the back. So with that "problem" solved, I could then move on to attaching the covers and placing the tape. And I did. And I am still not very good at getting the spine tape straight on the first try. This was a problem this time, not because this tape was any less forgiving than the other options I've used in the past, but rather because of the thinner paper I'd put in place to cover the adhesive. It did not want to let go of the tape once they were stuck together. As a result, instead of repositioning or even removing the tape, I instead placed another piece on top to fix the unstraight edges. That piece I could reposition, and it's a good thing because it still took me a few tries to get it exactly where it needed to be. I almost thought I was done once that was taken care of and the frame and placard were attached to the front cover. Then I realized this is a tiny planner (of sorts) and a planner could really benefit from book pockets...Which I believe I had originally planned on adding to the book, but it had somehow slipped my mind among everything else. So after I spent way too long deciding on what paper to use for the pockets (and ultimately decided to use some that was leftover from when I made splash pages on the Duck Tape mini sketchbook) and to simply clip the corners instead of using my paper punch to round them because it's started not doing its job very well as of late, I applied the pockets by carefully prying the covers away from the splash pages on the appropriate corners, wedging the pockets in, and then squeezing in a bit of tape and glue to the best of my ability to reinforce them. (Normally reinforcement wouldn't've been an issue because I would've securely taped them to the back of the splash pages before trying to attach the covers.) This time I really did think I was done. And, technically, I was. I was quite proud of my little baby planner, too. The next day I videoed a little flip through of the book to show it to a couple of friends because I figured that would be faster than taking my staging photos like I normally do. In that process, I discovered that it was fairly tricky to flip through the pages and find each calendar page quickly, and also the September page decided to pop out. Apparently it wasn't quite far over enough or didn't get quite enough glue or something. Also, I was a little bothered that one edge of the sticker frame on the front didn't want to stay flat down but also didn't pop up far enough to be able to get more glue under it without making a mess. I've never attempted to reinstate a page that fell out of one of these books before, despite having at least two fall out of one of the first ones I ever made. Fortunately, it went more smoothly than I expected. A little very carefully placed tacky glue and few minutes' patience to hold it still, then some time to dry long-term with extra paper on both sides to absorb any extra glue, it appears fairly stable now. The page-turning took a little more thought, but I settled on using these teeny-tiny heart stickers (one on each side to, again, keep the adhesive from sticking to things it shouldn't) as tiny little page tabs. And when I say teeny-tiny, I'm not kidding. I have fairly small, nimble fingers, and I still found it easier to manipulate the stickers with the help of a pair of tweezers. But they are just big enough to work in this form. The only problem is that they don't stick out uniformly solely because the pages themselves don't, and they have to be stuck on about halfway down the sticker so that they stick to the page securely but still stick out enough to be useful at all once the pages start fanning open. While I had the sticker sheets out to get the hearts off, I peaked at the other options and settled on a few to stick to the frame on the front to fix that other problem about one side not sticking down to my liking. Then I added a couple more on the other side just to balance things out. It's a bit much, but it still feels better than leaving the frame to just stick up like it was. After all of that though, now it's finished. And I'm still very happy, if not even more so, with how it turned out.  It was a piece of work, but it looks so nice and it's functional, too! I'm not even sure I'll use it--I haven't decided yet since it is so nice, I'm thinking I might want to keep it as an unmarred example for future projects like it--but I just enjoy knowing it exists and how good the end product looks that it was worth it to me anyway. This was also a bit of an extra learning experience to 1. Plan these book projects out a little more thoroughly in advance, and 2. Pay closer attention before and during the process of cutting anything. Which, I mean, I already try to do those things, but evidently not quite enough, lest I wouldn't have some of the problems I do that often crop up in my making process.   I'm not quite sure what the next book project will be, but I do have a few more pieces of that paper that I picked out for some, so we'll see what happens next time I sit down and make some. ____ Artwork © me, MysticSparkleWings ____ Where to find me & my artwork: My Website | Commission Info + Prices | Ko-Fi | dA Print Shop | RedBubble |   Twitter | Tumblr | Instagram

[fanfic-inator795]

RotTMNT/Baron Jitsu Fanfiction: Dating... With Children - Chapter Two

(Also on AO3 if you want to leave a comment or kudos)

Plot:  Benjamin Draxum hardly considered himself a man of high social standing. Not because he was uncouth or unworthy of it, mind you, but simply because he didn't have much of a social life. Hard to have one when he usually spent his days at work, cooped up in a lab for so long that he often had his lunches in there, and his nights at home reading or doing research for more personal projects. But perhaps meeting handsome semi-retired movie star - as well as his four young sons - could change all that...

((Chapter two, ya’ll! Thank you to everyone for their support on this story so far, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter! ^v^))

“...What’ve you got there, baby?”

Mikey smiled, and held the drawing - consisting of crayon, marker AND a bit of paint - up for his father to see. “Lots of drawings!” he replied, “Didn't wanna choose one, so I made ‘em all! Like this guy here is a super cool dragon, an’ here's his friend who’s a turtle that can skateboard, and this is a bee that's always makin’ up words and making people spell them!”

“Heh, I'm sure I know what that's inspired from,” Lou chuckled, remembering how Raph shared that his class was having a spelling bee a couple weeks ago. He sat and listened to his youngest explain each doodle, nodding and making quick comments of his own as he did so.

“And that's all I really have so far,” Mikey finished, setting the paper down, “but I think I wanna try to add a few more drawings. Maybe some stickers too, THEN it'll be perfect!”

“Alright,” Lou nodded, “But when you're finished, would you please clean off the table? Remember, we have company coming over tonight.”

“Oh yeah! Don't worry, Papa, I will!”

“Good,” Lou smiled, ruffling his curly hair and making the boy giggle, “Thank you.”

“I'm glad Dr. Draxum is coming over,” Donnie spoke up from the beanbag, looking up from his textbook, “I wanna talk to him more about science stuff. And look!” He held up his book - ‘The Building-Blocks of Life’. “I'm reading up on genetics too! And I'm pretty sure I’ll be about as smart as him on it by the time I'm finished.”

Amused, Lou raised an eyebrow. “I didn't realize they were teaching genetics in the first grade.”

“They aren't. I finished my work early and got to go to the library again.” “Ah.” Lou made another mental tally in his head. The school hadn't said anything yet, but if this kept up, he'd have to go there himself and look into possibly moving Donatello up to Raph’s grade. “Can you believe that some kids aren't even interested in looking at the big kid section of books? Or at the non-fiction section? Those are the best sections!”

“Heh, no, I can't. But then it's a good thing that you can appreciate them.” He began to stand up, but stopped when his ears picked up on something. Some quiet whispers, a couple soft footsteps… The martial artist smirked, and prepared himself.

After a couple seconds, he felt something heavy run into him, slamming him to the carpeted floor. He let out an “OOF!”, unable to help himself, while giggles filled his ears. “I got you, Pop!” Raph grinned, “You're pinned!”

“Oh, are you sure?” Lou asked, “because I think-” He twisted his body quickly, knocking a surprised Raphael off before scooping him up into his arms, making the boy squeal. “That I have YOU!” Raph squirmed in his father’s grip while Lou gave him a couple quick noogies before kissing him on the top of his head.

“Daaaad!” Raph groaned, sticking his tongue out. Lou just laughed, letting the boy go.

“Told ya you couldn't beat him, Raphie,” Leo said, grinning at the whole scene as he sat on the arm of his pop’s chair, growing legs swinging, “He's like, the best fighter in the whole world!”

“Yeah well, I still pinned you for a second, right Pop?”

“Mm-hm,” Lou nodded, “Though next time, make sure to actually pin them once you have them on the floor. Don't just sit on them, but try putting your hands and weight on their shoulders. Makes it harder for them to move, slows them down some.” After a moment, he added “But, maybe don't try to tackle our guest tonight, hm?”

“Heh, I won't.” “Good. Now why don't you and your brother wash up?” Raph and Leo both glanced down at their grass and dirt covered limbs, grimaced at them and dashed out of the room.

Still chuckling a bit to himself, Lou picked himself off the floor and headed back into the kitchen. He had already started prepping a couple dishes, but he still had plenty left to do for their meal. His smile softened a bit as he thought about their guest…

It had taken five days for Draxum to call him. In that time, Lou had tried looking him up online. Draxum’s social media was pretty standard, nothing offensive or red-flag raising but nothing too interesting either. The only other piece of the man online was a brief biography on his lab’s research site along with a photo - where he had a very serious and professional expression on his face. A far cry from the fairly casual man he had met at the art gallery.

When he did finally call, it had been late at night, just after he'd put the boys to bed and right before heading to bed himself. Lou had wondered if perhaps this was planned, as a sort of “welp, I tried calling but there was no answer, oh well” type of thing. But Lou had answered, and much to his (and certainly to Draxum’s) surprise, they had ended up talking for a couple hours.

The conversation had started out pretty slow and standard. Lou asked how his day at work was, and Draxum asked how he and the boys were doing. After a while though, things became a little more natural, and their conversation almost became more of a banter. They’d go back and forth, discussing their favorite forms of entertainment, hobbies they enjoyed, and even sharing a couple personal anecdotes. And after all that, there was no way Lou wasn't going to end the call by inviting him over.

Draxum told him he'd have to check his schedule. It only took until the next morning for Draxum to text, letting him know that he would be free the following weekend. Again, Lou couldn't help but wonder if Draxum actually had to check his schedule or if he just didn't want to appear to eager, but said nothing. Instead, he simply gave him a date, time and his home address, and let him know that he was looking forward to it.

Lou had to admit, Draxum wasn't usually his type, but he was still unique enough to catch the ex-movie star’s interest. After all, how many buff science-type bookworms did one meet in their life? Draxum was certainly intelligent, and had a bit of a dry wit but never seemed like a snob. He was a bit stiff but not boring, spoke his mind and, if Lou was really being honest, was so hot. (Again, buff bookworms. Who knew?) Plus, his kids really seemed to like him too. In Lou’s opinion, that last bit was the most important one of all. So, with all that in mind, Lou just figured: “Eh, why not?”

It was funny how often that phrase came up during the big decisions in his life - like when he had decided that he wanted to try being a father when almost everything else in his life seemed hollow, and ended up adopting four kids instead of just one.

---------

Draxum looked at his watch. 5:17. A bit early but, wasn't that better than being late? Really, it was a good sign he was there at all, given that he was still a bit surprised at himself for even accepting the invite. ...Not that spending more time with Lou was necessarily a bad idea...

He then glanced up at the house he was now in front of. Having never actually been invited to a celebrity’s home before, he hadn't quite been sure what to expect. But a medium sized, cozy looking and slightly run-down home in Brooklyn certainly was a bit of a surprise. Maybe making action movies didn't pay as well as Draxum thought.

Still, he kept these comments to himself as he went up the walkway that was littered with chalk drawings and up to the door, knocking twice. It took a couple moments for someone - one of the boys, the one with light patches of skin around his eyes who was wearing a blue tee - to open the door. “You know the password?” He asked.

Draxum’s expression twisted slightly in annoyance, but he kept his cool. “Open says me?” He guessed.

“Mm nnnnope, sorry.” With that, the door was slammed in his face. From the other side, he could hear more young voices, scolding and lightly arguing with each other. The door opened again, and one boy had become four. “I was just joking!” Leo insisted while Donnie continued to glare.

“Hi, Dr. Draxum!” Mikey greeted with a wave.

“Sorry about my dumb brother-” “Hey!” “You can come on in,” Raph added.

Draxum nodded. “Thank you,” he said, moving his arm a bit so he could reveal more of the small box he had been carrying. “If you hadn't let me in when you did, this probably would have melted.”

Leo’s eyes widened. “Wait, you brought cake?! Well you should’a said so!”

With a ghost of a smile on his face, Draxum walked inside. The living room to the Jitsu home was inviting and very much in-use, but not the cluttered and messy space that Draxum had been worried it might have been. There was a reclining chair, a love seat, two kid-sized beanbags, a coffee table with several colorful marks now permanently on it, and a flat screen tv that was playing some cartoon. There were a couple toys on the floor, though not enough that Draxum had to worry about tripping over anything, as well as a few framed pictures on the wall. One of Lou at what looked like some award ceremony, one of him with a Chinese woman (ex wife, perhaps?) and of course, one of him with his children that looked like it was taken just a couple years ago.

“Hey, Doc!” a voice called from the kitchen, bringing Draxum out of his thoughts, “How’s it going? You find the place alright?”

“Yes, there's this wonderful thing called a gps that really helps,” Draxum dryly replied.

Lou chuckled, smiling at him over his shoulder, and blinking when he saw the ice cream cake in the taller man’s hands. From the look of the packaging, he could guess that it came from a pretty high end bakery. “Oh, you didn't have to bring anything.”

“Well, you said you were making supper, I figured the least I could do was bring dessert,” Draxum told him, “Should I just put this in the fridge, then?”

“Yeah, go right ahead.” Draxum did, and then sat down at the table. He noticed that Lou was just in a loose fitting, pale yellow tee and some jeans. Immediately, he felt overdressed, even if he himself was just in a button-up long sleeve shirt and some dark khakis. Still, Draxum tried to look as ‘casual’ as possible, but clearly it wasn't working by the way Lou kept glancing back at him from the kitchen counter

“I'm glad you could make it, by the way,” Lou spoke up, trying to break the ice a little, “I'm sure you get pretty busy, being a scientist and all.”

“Actually, unless I hit a big breakthrough or doing work on a time sensitive project, it's pretty much a nine-to-five job most of the time,” Draxum replied, “The work stays steady, at least.” Lou nodded, and went back to his cooking. Not wanting to risk falling into uncomfortable silence once again, Draxum decided to ask something that had been on his mind since they first met. “And what do you do for a living these days, given that your last film was in, what, the early 2000s?”

Rather than being offended or caught off guard, Lou just smirked. “...You sure you're not a fan of my films?”

“Definitely not,” Draxum retorted so quickly that it made Lou laugh

“If you say so! Anyway, yeah, that was about the time I moved from LA to here. I was smart about my last few paychecks, so I pretty much live off my savings.

Draxum blinked. “...Seriously?”

“Seriously. Though, I know I can't use ALL of it - I know at least one of my kids is going to be going to college - so I do odd jobs when I need to. Make appearances at conventions, do a quick commercial or two sometimes- heh, last year I was even paid to play on a gameshow. A stagehand kept an eye on the boys as they watched me play from the audience, I won some money for a charity, and then the next day I took them to Disneyland. Used most of that paycheck to do it, too. So, I guess you could call me a bit of a sellout.” Though judging by his tone, Lou didn't seem bothered by this at all.

“I don't think anyone could really blame you for taking less time consuming work,” Draxum offered, “Still, do you ever miss making movies, as cheesy as they are?” Or rather, were.

Lou thought for a moment as he tossed the last few ingredients into the frying pan. “...Yeah,” he admitted, “I do. Though, there are plenty of things about the industry that I definitely don't miss, and besides…” His smile softened a bit. “I've got plenty of other things to occupy my time.”

Suddenly, there was a shout. Turning in surprise, Draxum looked through the doorway and watched as Donnie tackled a laughing Leon to the floor. “...Speaking of which, do you know that your kids are tackling each other?”

“Oh yeah, they do that sometimes,” Lou nodded, not even moving from the counter, “Boys will be boys and all that. They're going to roughhouse no matter what I say, and as long as they follow the rules, I usually don't need to step in.”

“Rules?”

Setting down his stirring spoon, Lou counted them off his fingers. “No holding anyone down for more than a couple seconds, no using force to get someone to play what you want to play, if someone says they don't want to wrestle then just leave them be, and no making anyone cry. They're good boys, so that last one is usually punishment enough when they accidentally break it.”

“Ah, I see,” Draxum nodded. Well, that was one way to teach kids how to control their strength and think about their actions. Still, he wondered how Lou would go about things once his sons got a little older and possibly became interested in following in their father’s martial arts footsteps.

It didn't take much longer for their supper to be finished. The kids came to the table without even needing to be called, smelling the food and eager to eat as well as being excited to talk with their guest again. While Raph and Leo told Lou all about the latest exciting climax in their cartoon, Mikey shared one of his drawings with Draxum, who could only stare at it.

“It's, uh…” He tilted his head a bit, staring at the mess of bright colors and scribbles. What on earth was it supposed to be? A natural disaster mixed with a rainbow? “...Very nice, yes.

Mikey beamed. “Really?! Which one is your favorite?”

Shoot, there was more than one drawing there? Well, that at least explained why everything was so cluttered. “Er, well…” He focused a little more on the drawing, and try to find anything that resembled something other than a blob or a tumbleweed to him. “I like this… Cat. Yes, this cat over in the corner, with the… Ice cream on it?”

Mikey looked back at the paper. “That's not a cat.” “Oh, sor-” “But that's a good idea!” The boy gave Draxum another bright smile. “I’ll draw you a kitty with ice cream later, kay?”

“Heh, very well,” Draxum nodded, relieved that he didn't offend the young artist.

“-And then, they used the magic sword, and blasted the bad guys right into the sky!” “Yeah, and the main hero guy said the BEST thing afterwards! He's soooo cool!”

“Well of course, he IS the main hero, after all” Lou chuckled, setting the last of the dishes down at the table, “Donnie, please put your book away now.”

Donnie frowned, reluctantly closing his half-finished textbook. “Fine…” As he placed it back into his ever-present backpack, Draxum managed to catch the book’s title.

“Genetics, hm?” He asked, smiling a bit. Perhaps the boy had been inspired. “Enjoying it so far?” Donnie nodded, keeping his eyes on the silverware in front of him.

The meal was fairly simple. A baked fish as the main course, with fried rice and an easy-to-make salad as the sides. Still, what it lacked in uniqueness, it more than made up for in good flavor. “I'm usually not much of a fish eater, but this is quite good,” Draxum commented, after only a couple bites.

“Mm-hm,” Lou smirked, “I'm not just a handsome actor-martial artist, after all. I know how to cook.” Draxum just rolled his eyes, mildly amused at his date’s cockiness.

“You should try eatin’ the fish and the rice at the same time,” Raph advised, “They go really good together!”

Draxum was the type to keep his food, as well as the tastes and textures, separate while he ate, but he did try the combination once just to appease the eldest Jitsu child. As he continued to eat, Draxum kept glancing over at Donatello out of the corner of his eye. The boy in purple nibbled and picked at his food, fidgeting a bit and staying silent. Certainly different from the eager and inquisitive boy Donnie had introduced himself as, so what had brought on this sudden shyness?

Was it something Draxum had said? He couldn't think of anything that could've been taken as discouragement or dismissal. So, maybe Donnie just didn't care for his field of science but didn't want to offend Draxum by saying so? No, that didn't seem right either. So then, what-?

He noticed Leo leaning over, whispering to Donnie for a moment before being nudged away. Rather than being annoyed, Leo just looked a bit concerned while his twin just looked… Embarrassed? An epiphany went off in Draxum’s mind. So THAT was why Donnie wasn't talking to him.

“Donnie,” he began, getting the boy’s attention, “I was wondering if you had any thoughts on your research so far?”

Donnie continued to squirm, squeezing his fists in his lap. “I-I mean, I'm still reading through the book so, so I'm not really an expert on it yet.” Truth be told, while he liked all sciences, he had really taken a shine to robotics and technology the most. “But talking to you ‘bout it before gave me a good head start, and I know the basics of it already and, um…”

“Yes…?”

“A-And, I…” Donnie scowled before suddenly shouting, “I have a scientific theory! A-About genetics, I mean.”

Draxum nodded, keeping composed (because, wow, even he could admit this was kind of adorable). “May I hear about it?” he asked, making sure to keep his voice neutral to avoid sounding patronizing, knowing that a child as smart as Donnie would definitely notice.

“Well… O-Our genes are inherited from our birth parents, right? So we only have a possibility of getting what they, or the rest of their people in their family, had. But, maybe there could be a way to, um, switch out genes somehow? Maybe with gene samples from other people, or with genes made by scientists, and then those new cells could develop and make whatever kind of person with whatever features they wanted.” Donnie winced a bit once he was finished, and waited for Draxum’s reaction.

The scientist hummed. “Well, that is a sound theory. Perhaps a bit difficult to test at the moment, but I can understand the basis of it, as well as see how it could be possible one day.” Donnie’s eyes widened. He stared back at Draxum, and began to grin widely, as if he had just received the best compliment ever. Draxum held back a chuckle. “Would you like to discuss this theory further?” “Yeah!”

Unsurprisingly, once Draxum began sharing the concept of gene mutation, the conversation devolved into a mix of scientific theorizing with some sci-if-esque levels of speculation (Donnie) and a debate over which animal features and mutations would be best to mix with people (the rest of the boys). Still, the discussion was no less enjoyable, to the kids or to Draxum.

And as for Lou, he just watched and listened, a warm smile on his face. This may have been their first shared meal together, but Draxum already felt like a seat at the table that had always somehow been there

----------

“...I think I just made it impossible for your kids to go to sleep tonight.”

“Eh, they've had worse sugar rushes. Trust me, this is nothing. Besides, they'll burn it all up soon enough.”

The remaining slices of the ice cream cake had already been placed back into the fridge, and because it was still somewhat light out, the boys had been allowed to go play outside for a while. So, they raced out the door, leaving their father and his date to watch by the window while they started playing what Draxum could only describe as a mixed up version of soccer and cricket.

He wasn't even sure if they were keeping score. All he could tell was that the game involved running all around the small yard, using foam swords and hockey sticks to hit a ball as well as kicking it with their feet. Either way, they all seemed to enjoy it, with Raph happily teaming up with Mikey and offering him a piggyback ride whenever his youngest brother struggled to keep up.

Draxum hummed, taking a small sip from the tea Lou had made for him before setting the cup back down. “Your kids are definitely unique.”

“Heh, they sure are,” Lou agreed, “They really are good boys… And they really like you, you know.”

Draxum nodded. It was still sort of hard to believe himself, given how he often thought of children as nothing more than tiny annoyances. Yes, Lou’s kids were loud, and strange, and still a tiny bit annoying. But they were also clever and endearing, and even a little cute. So, he had no real problems with them liking him, or with liking them in return.

“...And,” Lou began, taking a step closer, suddenly making Draxum very aware of his presence, “I really like you too.”

“I-...” That was all Draxum could get out as he turned from the window, looking Lou directly in the eyes now. The handsome (‘ugh, why did he have to be so handsome,’ Draxum thought to himself, knowing this would all be so much easier if he wasn't) man stared back at him, lips curled into an honest smile. No cockiness or playing up his ego, Lou simply wanted him to know how he felt.

“And I mean it too. And uh, heh, no pressure or anything but… I hope the feeling’s mutual.” Draxum didn't say anything, but he didn't look away either. Lou took another slow step forward. Close enough together to do so now, Draxum dared himself to take his hands.

“I think… That's a possibility,” Draxum told him quietly, finally finding the words to reply.

Lou smiled, letting out a soft chuckle that made Draxum’s heart leap a bit. “Good to know…” They were closer now, enough for Draxum to see himself in Lou’s glasses. He told himself that he wasn't the kind of man to kiss on the first date, but Lou was making it SO tempting!

Their faces were getting closer, with Draxum’s own feeling much too warm. He placed his hands on the shorter man’s chest… And gently pushed him away.

The ex-action star blinked, the intimate mood gone in an instant, suddenly leaving him feeling cold. Still, despite his disappointment, Lou backed away.

“...It’s getting late,” Draxum stated, “I should probably get going.” He didn't waste time moving past Lou, now standing in the doorway between the kitchen and living room.

Lou nodded. “Right, of course. Well, thanks again for coming over. I had a nice-”

“I’m-” Draxum suddenly began to say, still refusing to look back at him, “I’m… Available next weekend, as well. So, perhaps you could come over to my place and we could have dinner there.” He paused for a moment before adding, “Just the two of us. It, it's the least I could do, cooking for you in return.”

“...” Lou’s grin returned. So there WAS going to be a next time! “Yeah, that sounds great! Just text me a time and your address and I’ll be there!”

Draxum nodded. “I will.”

“Heh, I’ll be looking forward to our next appointment, Dr. Draxum.”

Even with the light blush still in his cheeks, Draxum turned back around halfway, scoffing at him. “You don't have to keep calling me that. I have a first name, I won't be offended if you use it.”

Despite his internet search on the man, Lou continued to be coy. “You never told me it, Dr. Tall, Dark and Handsome.”

His date rolled his eyes, sighing slightly. He was tall, definitely, but he wasn't anywhere near dark. His skin just barely had a tan! “It's Benjamin. Benjamin Draxum.”

“Ah. Well, Ben, I’ll see you next week.” Draxum nodded, hesitating for only a moment before moving once more. Lou followed him to the front door, and they each gave a quick good night before Draxum left.

“Heh, a second date,” Lou told himself, still grinning about it, “How about that?” With his steps light and earlier disappointment being unable to touch his now sky-high mood, Lou went into his backyard and began trying to wrangle up his kids and get them back inside for pajamas and teeth brushing.

[farvn]

Interview with novajam of Studio NoGood

With the upcoming Visual Novel “Nekodeito” which is about a catgirl living with you, I am glad that novajam of NoGood has taken the time to answer some questions for both NoGood and Nekodeito!

1. When did you start Studio NoGood and what was your motivation to do so?  “ It was late 2018 when I started fronting publicly as NoGooD. I'd been writing scripts for VNs as early as September that year, a lot of which got trashed or shelved but it was December before I registered a domain or anything like that. The motivation was to keep my VN game development activity under a separate banner from my online handle, but I integrated my handle into the company name so I don't know how well that worked. Ahaha”

2.  As an indie studio, what are your top priorities for both your games and your fans? “ I think quality is the first priority for both. Fans want good games and good stories so straight away it's in my interest to set the bar high. The very close second is communication though. Independent projects will live or die by the goodwill they can cultivate with an audience and I feel I've been very blessed to have such good reception already. It's a sort of symbiotic relationship. Provide what the fans want, what they're looking for, and they'll support you in return.”

3. Is Nekodeito your first game? “Yes. No!! Oh god haha no actually! I made a very budget looking version of Geometry Wars in University with Gamemaker ahaha. That's probably everyone's first game project, some kind of twin stick shooter or platformer. Before that I'd played with mod tools for other games, The Elder Scrolls Construction Set and such if you'd count that.” Sure, that does help in devwork so why not. Any other games I should know about?  “I just remembered making this platforming engine in Gamemaker Studio 2. It might look okay here but it was very buggy and the project it was intended for quickly became overwhelming so that's abandoned now.” 

4.  Who came up with the look/ personality of Nekodeito's Machiko? “ I came up with the look, and most of the personality but other experts in the field of catgirl engineering were consulted though, mainly my friend TMMTO. Parts of the personality changed over time and little traits here and there have been crowdsourced here and there from fans.  I made this collage and sent it to my character artist, critterpunk, as a reference when she was doing character and outfit designs for me.

It think it stayed mostly intact. The sizes are off and I think I made her a more responsible big sister type character than a lazy one in the end.” I can see her big melons stayed intact! “Big tunas” Speaking of big tunas!  For Nekodeito, would there be any features like headpats, tail fluffing, tickling, etc? “Of course of course! Nekodeito has a sort of dating sim style system where you pick what order to progress through story segments, and in between segments her sprite is interactive. I hope people will enjoy booping her on the nose.”

6.  As Nekodeito is developing over time, what is the hardest obstacle you have encountered? “Distraction. It's very easy to get sidetracked on Youtube or Twitter which is very annoying, but games too have been a problem. My productivity improved a lot once I slowed playing mobile games so much.” 

7.  Did you have any inspirations that helped you make Nekodeito? “Ha, dumbly enough, mobile games. Well you know about this, but for people who don't really play them, when you log in to Girls Frontline or Azur Lane or something you have a secretary character that greets you. I set mine in Girls Frontline to Mk23 and the greeting pulled my heartstrings a little. I really like the idea of being able to come home to someone who's happy to see you no matter what, so that's what the game is about. That kind of romance is what I want for the game, one that's very cozy.”

8.  When did your love of catgirls start? “Oh jeez. I don't think I have an exact date. But who really is incapable of loving catgirls? Spice and Wolf probably played a formative role, even though that's not about a catgirl.” I don’t blame you, floofy girls all the way!

9.  As a developer what goes through your mind for when you release it? Do you have any concerns? “Will people like the game? Will people even find it and engage with it? Will it be able to recoup it's costs? Will I even be able to make another after this Will there be some kind of problem with the software I'm incapable of fixing? Will I be able to deliver all I've promised in the first place? There are many worries. On the other side of that there's a good fanbase already and a fair amount of risk is already mitigated but the worries are always there nonetheless.”

10. Which types of Nekodeito merch are planned?  “Hell yeah! Alright so, we have a voice actress for Machiko, and we're going to go to crowdfunding to try and get the game fully voice acted by them. Merch rewards will be sticker packs and keychains, we're trying to get some of those "ergonomic" mousepads made too. We're seeing if you can get your own TUNA shirt too, just like Machi wears in game. Digitally, you'll be able to get an art and commentary book and the original soundtrack for the game.”

All them goodies! Let’s say the crowdfund went too well, like ultra succeeded, would you consider a limited edition figure of Machiko?                                                 “If I did that I think it would probably be an extremely limited run, and probably like a trading figure or nendo sized thing rather than a 1/7 scale, but hell yeah I'd love a little Machi fig on my desk! More realistically if crowdfunding exceeded expectations then we just expand the game, offer a free DLC down the line of an after-story or add extra CGs and scenes to the base game.”                                  DA CATGIRL FAMILY!                                                                                            “Oh god I gave Machiko ten sisters. That's so many sprites to get done...” 

11. To your current fans and future ones, what would you like to say to them in prep for Nekodeito?                                                                                 “Thank you all for your support, for telling all your own friends and groups about it and spreading the word. Thank you for all the fan art and nice messages, and most of all thank you for your patience and thank you for appreciating cute Machiko! I hope to have a demo ready in June for the public to try, so please hold on a bit more.”

Would you like to add anything else? “Additional thanks to everyone who's worked with me to create Nekodeito, all the artists (chlorophill, Rialyn KV, critterpunk, ds sans, Cheschorv) my editor (Cipher), my composer (Igneus) voice director (Sandra MJ) and soon to be debuting voice actress, Wolf and Alch at Team Watercress for lots of help starting out, reps from Degica for assistance with the engine (andre and Archeia). So many people! NoGooD is officially just a one-man show, but without all these people I'd have nothing to put my game together with. This is turning into the credits section!” 

A big thank you to novajam for taking the time to answer my questions! I really appreciate the game’s progress and I hope to see more!

NoGood Twitter:  https://twitter.com/StudioNoGooD NoGood site:  https://www.nogood.games/games.html   Nekodeito itch.io:  https://studionogood.itch.io/nekodeito Nekodeito Steam Page: https://store.steampowered.com/app/1072790/Nekodeito/

Novajam [NoGood, Nekodeito] Interview May 29, 2019                                                                                                          Far2close - Visual Novel Playthroughs https://www.youtube.com/c/Far2close https://twitter.com/xFar2closex https://www.facebook.com/Far2close/

[ttakemethere]

100 day update.

               I never planned to go to Australia. Of course, at some point I decided that I would come to live here and had to start working towards it. But to be honest, I can’t remember a distinct moment when I thought to myself “Yeah, I definitely want to go to Australia”. I grew up obsessed with Steve Irwin, who fostered my love for animals, and all things that seemed to push the border of normal. Maybe it was something that had been manifesting in me since childhood. Whatever the reason was, I left home knowing next to nothing about the country I was headed to. I knew the names and locations of a few capital cities, and that it was home to some of the world’s most deadly animals, but that was it. Suddenly one day I found myself at the airport saying goodbye to my parents with my backpack, and that was it. I was on a plane, and I had no idea where I was going or what I was getting myself into. I was absolutely terrified, but I couldn’t wait.

Maui was incredible. It was a dream holiday, and exactly what I needed after 70 hour/ 6 day work weeks. Yoga in the mornings, beach hopping, sunbathing, day drinking, jungle trekking, waterfall climbing, snorkeling with sea turtles, and partying the night away with new friends from around the world; it was the perfect “welcome back” to the backpacker hostel lifestyle I had missed. Breathtaking landscapes, friendly hostel mates, delicious food, long days, late nights, and the slow-paced island lifestyle was the cocktail I needed to kick off my working holiday. It was one of those destinations that make you want to freeze time and stay forever. Eventually though I woke me up from my island dream after managing to lose my wallet (the day before moving overseas!? No worries!).I spent most of my last day on Maui on the phone waiting on hold with my bank, eventually my roommate managed to coerce me into an afternoon beach hopping break to relieve me from the stress. I laid on the shore of Makena beach while I reminded myself of Bob Marley (and my Dad’s) words “Every little thing is gonna be alright…”

               Sleeping in airport terminals isn’t the most glamorous part of traveling, nor is it my favorite, but it’s something that I’m no longer a stranger to. I had an overnight layover in Honolulu, where the airport welcomes stranded travelers with a designated area to sleep in. While the benches didn’t make the most comfortable bed I’ve ever slept on, I was able to catch a few hours of good rest. In the morning I woke to a beautiful sunrise bidding me a final goodbye from the states, and after the longest walk of my entire life to the other side of the world in the terminal, and a goodbye call to home I boarded my plane. A window seat in econcomy on a budget airline promised me that a year of adventure laid just a sore neck and a close of my eyes ahead.        

The day I arrived in Sydney I felt pretty overwhelmed. I had just moved to the other side of the world, and since I’d lost my wallet, I only had the bit of cash I had brought with me. I was feeling pretty grateful for an exchange rate that worked in my favor, a hostel kitchen with 8 (eight!!!!) stoves, and a clean bed to relax in after the journey over. My first priority was to get my money sorted; it didn’t take long for the Sydney sticker shock to set in and I knew I needed to work it out. I was up with the sun my first morning to head to the bank where I learned two things: 1. It gets cold in Sydney (who knew that Australia actually has a winter too?!) 2: It would be over a week before I could get access to my money Deep breaths, everything is going be alright. Stressing out about it wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I’ve got this; I’ve done the whole hungry budget backpacker thing before. No worries.

               In the midst of work/life chaos before leaving home, I had decided to book my first week in Sydney with a tour company. This was my first time doing organized travel and although it lacked a little freedom, I was glad that I had decided on it. They had set up my accommodation for the week and a few meals, so I didn’t have to worry about spending too much until I could get my card. I was grouped with some lovely and hilarious English and Canadians who were also starting out on their working holiday visas. It was comforting to be around people who were in the same boat as me, but it also was a bit strange to be at the mercy of whatever was planned for us. 6 days and 5 nights in Sydney and Port  Stephens: complete of course with the obligatory city walking tour and pub crawls. It was an interesting change of pace from the travel that I’m used to. No planning on my part, just “Show up here at this time and we’ll take care of everything for you”. A harbor cruise and boat barbecue, an evening exploring the dazzling VIVID Sydney displays, yoga with kangaroos at an eco-hostel, a hike through Tomaree National Park, boarding through sand dunes, restaurants with food that looks like it came straight out of one of those trendy facebook videos, drinking games, nights out dancing, and a sales pitch just every now and then to gently remind you that your tour leader was getting paid to hang out with you. While it was fun to have my days filled with things that I probably wouldn’t have done on my own, I was desperate for a little independence which I was able to find at a couchsurfing meet-up.

I fell in love with couchsurfing while I was in Ireland a year ago. I was in Dublin, my first big city on my solo Europe trip and I joined a meet up for a hike on the coast of Howth, a fishing village an hour bus ride outside of the city. After our walk through the cold wind and rain, we took refuge at a jazz and blues festival pub crawl. Hours went by chatting to each other and listening to music before heading back into the city together. I had never met so many people from so many different places, and being new to traveling it blew my mind to feel so welcomed by everyone; I knew that I would definitely be doing it again. Shortly after I had gotten home from Europe I started attending meet up every week in Phoenix. I haven’t surfed yet, but I definitely plan to soon. When I got to the bar in Sydney, I was greeted by friendly faces, and after watching fireworks over Darling Harbor, I was invited to head to someone’s flat for pre-drinks followed by a Friday night out. I didn’t need much convincing, but the promise of free drinks and new friends made any hesitations I might have had disappear.

               After a week in Sydney, I was ready to move on. My bank was going to forward my card to me, so all that was left to do was set up my phone plan, book my flight, and then I was ready to head out on the next chapter of my journey. After a bus ride, a flight, another flight, a bus, a few hours of sleep, and another bus, I arrived at my new home away from home. The Northern Territory: home of crocodiles, and barra fishing; where winter is a sunny 40 degrees Celsius, and men brag about the size of their fish. I would be spending the next 88 days working remotely in Kakadu National Park. Remote work is required by Australian Immigration to extend your Working Holiday visa from 1 year to 2 years. Where and what you can do depends on which visa you are on. But for me, this meant administration work at a hotel.

               My bus left from Darwin at 6:30 in the morning, and after a 3.5 hour ride through the middle of nowhere, the bus pulled over and it was my turn to get out. It felt like a scene from a movie, getting off the bus with my backpack, walking through the doors of this little green hotel in the desert. Things moved pretty quickly as soon as I arrived and I started work the next day. It took a few days to get situated, but everyone I worked with were backpackers, so it didn’t feel too unfamiliar. What did take some getting used to was the isolation.

               Kakadu National Park is more than half the size of Switzerland, and with a population totaling just 1130 people, it’s easy to feel small in such a big space. The hotel is a half hour drive from Jabiru, the only town in the park, which boasts a shopping center featuring a small grocery market, library, bank, police station, hairdresser, and an Olympic sized swimming pool (to which I regularly wonder how on earth they managed that). It’s pretty much impossible to get anywhere around the park if you don’t have a car without hitchhiking, however I managed to make it away from the hotel quite a few times in my first month. My first trip was to Yellow Water Billabong. We spent the afternoon on a river cruise learning about some the Aborignal history in the park and the unique wildlife, bird watching, looking for buffaloes, and of course, spotting crocs. A few days later we were off to Ubirr, the largest rock art site in Australia. On our way, we stopped at Cahills Crossing, the border to Arnhem land, where the aboriginal community live. At high tide when the river flows over the crossing, you can be eaten alive by mosquitoes while watch crocodiles at the edge of the water, waiting for fish to be pushed into their mouths. After finishing the climb to the top of Ubirr, you are welcomed by a 360 degree view of the park. Being there felt like I had been taken back to the Jurassic age. Looking out across the wetlands, I half expected to see a dinosaur, or lions and elephants walk across the plains. During this time of year, Wurrgeng season, the locals burn the land to prevent bush fires and help restore nutrients to the soil. The smoke from the controlled burns turns the sky beautiful colors, and the sun a deep glowing red. It’s a picture that each time I’ve visited reminds me of the opening scene from The Lion King.

               Remote living is a unique experience. You work, sleep, eat, live, and play all in the same place with the same people. Imagine laying out in your backyard at the pool with a book on your afternoon off, then your manager walks through your back gate to let you know that the schedule has changed and now you need to be back in the office to close in half an hour. It’s your day off and you’re having a late breakfast in your kitchen in your pajamas, and in they come to tell you all of the things they would like you to do tomorrow. Work-life balance does not exist, they are one and the same. This made the work become frustrating quickly, and management challenging to deal with to say the least. As staff you quickly learn to rely on each other: celebrating small victories together, acting as an outlet for frustration, and taking a little extra time and effort to do things as a group. I found the answers to “what will I do tonight?” were different than they had ever been. Taking dinner out to the grass for a picnic instead of eating in the kitchen, grabbing a beer and going for a walk to the billabong at the back of the hotel, being workout buddies at the gym, drinking until late (which now meant 10pm) doing puzzles, playing and billiards in the rec room, or playing cards sprawled across the floor of your hotel room.

               Of course my favorite days were my days off. While there were certainly hardships to living in the middle of nowhere without my own mode of transportation, it was the first chance I’d had in a long time to learn how to live life slowly. I no longer had to wake up early on my day off to make it to Bikram Yoga, or run to the grocery store and spend hours cooking in the kitchen (although I do miss those things dearly now). I could be lazy ,and not feel bad about it! I could sleep until my body decided it was time to get up, head to the gym when I felt like it, float in the pool for hours, listen to a podcast during a walk through the forest, read a book in my hammock, practice yoga at the gym, and still have hours left in the day to burn (my hula hoop, of course). And on the days when I felt like I had cabin fever coming on, I had the entirety of the park at my doorstep. A spur of the moment decision and catching the boss in a good mood meant you could ask for the keys to the company car. Maybe having an early afternoon off meant going for a drive to the Mamukala Billabong for some birdwatching, over to Burrunkguy to admire more  rock art, and then to Nawurlandja to watch the sunset. On one of my lucky days I had the day off with someone with a car and we took the 3 hour drive through the park to Gunlom Falls. A 25 minute hike up a steep cliff led us to breathtaking views at the top of the waterfall (and with crocodiles being one of the most populous residents of Kakadu) meant one of the rare chances to swim in the infinity pools. One day after catching a late bus and being temporarily stranded, I even worked up the courage to try hitchhiking. It was a rough go at first, but after half a bottle of sunscreen I got picked up by a fisherman that took me to the South Alligator river. We cast a line out together and watched crocodiles swim by before taking me back to the hotel.

As backpackers, this was only our temporary home, and we all had another adventure planned when our 88 days came to an end. The nights before we said good bye were always my favorite: both fun and bittersweet. The bonds that formed over such close quarters always hurt a bit to sever, but it was impossible not to be excited for them to continue on their own journey.

               One of the biggest things I have learned from traveling is to let go of my expectations. I didn’t really know what it would be like or what would happen living here, but I can say easily that most of this had never crossed my mind.  The past 100 days have been a roller coaster ride of emotions and adventure, and as I enter my last week at Aurora Kakadu, I can’t contain my excitement for the future. I’m so grateful to all the people I have met along the way. What an incredible opportunity, to live in such a uniquely beautiful place (I mean come on, how many people can say that they’ve lived in a National Park that’s a dual listed UNESCO World Heritage site?!). It’s offered a unique glimpse into Aboriginal culture, and it has been a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget. I’m looking forward to getting back on that bus in a few days and taking all the lessons that I’ve learned with me on my way. In 8 days I will be on a plane on my way to Queensland (home to the zoo of my childhood hero) to explore The Daintree Rainforest, and The Great Barrier Reef.

100 days down since leaving home, 269 days left in Australia, and then…. We’ll see.

[broadway-book-badger]

Recent Reads

 So, it’s been a while since I’ve made a post talking about what I’ve been reading. That’s largely due to my summer in the USA, which was one of the most amazing experiences, and I had the best time. It’s actually more than 2 months now since I left camp, which is crazy to think about. Maybe I’ll get to go back some time! I also got to go to NYC, which has been on my bucket list for a long time. I got to see some Broadway shows too, which was incredible. I saw Waitress, Bandstand and Hello Dolly, and was actually lucky enough to get to go backstage at Waitress, which basically made my whole life! It was an incredible, but incredibly busy summer, so I didn’t get to read quite as much as I usually do in my summer holidays, but at the same time, I got through more books than I expected, and some of them were pretty long.

When I got back I literally had like 3 days before I had to head back to uni, and now we’re over half way through the semester, which is again crazy! Reading week has been and gone, but it was lovely to go home for a couple of days, especially since I wasn’t there all summer. That said, I’m loving being back at uni for my 2nd year. I’m just generally having a much better time living in a house with friends than I did in halls, even if the workload’s increased a bit.

So yeah. I haven’t stopped for months, and I’m not sure when I’ll get a proper break where I don’t have to do anything - I’ve got work to do this week, then the Christmas and Easter holidays will be spent revising for exams... Never mind! I can sleep later. I’ve also just got a new laptop! My old one broke - I’d had it 5 or 6 years, so it was just done. The screen was a bit wobbly and the display went all weird, so I got an early Christmas present! It’s not red like my old one, but I got some stickers from RedBubble to jazz it up a bit.

Anyway, that’s enough rambling about what I’ve been up to lately. I’m not going to talk about every single book I’ve read in the past few months because that would be a stupidly long post, and I either don’t really remember or just don’t have much to say about certain titles. But there are books that I do want to talk about, and I enjoy making these posts, so this is like a highlights list. If anyone can tell me how to format the post so all the embedded pictures are the same size, I’d really appreciate it, because it annoys me a little bit, but I don’t know how to fix it! As always, spoiler warnings apply for all titles in case I decide to talk about specific plot points in detail. Enjoy!

1) Red Rising by Pierce Brown

This has been sitting on my kindle for a while. I heard about it and thought it sounded good, it was just never top of my list. I was also told it was a dystopian book, which I have to be in a particular mood to want to read. I really enjoyed it though, and I’m glad I finally decided to read it! 

At first I was a little bit like, “Oh, here we go again” with the whole oppressed people, everything they know is a lie, sparking a rebellion, teenagers trying to kill each other parts, but it became different enough that I was really interested. I think the world that this is set in is a really cool, interesting one. In some respects its very sci-fi and futuristic - it’s set on Mars, and talks about the empire stretching to other planets, as well as the whole ‘making Darrow Gold’ bit. However, at the same time, this society is heavily based on the Roman Empire, and there’s all these not-at-all-subtle nods to that ancient mythology, as well as the training at the Institute essentially being siege warfare and capturing castles, with swords and horses. It’s a bit of a weird mix, but it works well.

Bits of this were brutal and gory and violent and plain nasty, but it was a good read, and I need to get a hold of the other 2 books, so I can find out what happens. Now that Darrow’s made it through the Institute, I’m really intrigued to see how he’ll actually try to take down the society. I also want to see more of the world, and more of the different coloured classes within it.

2) A Darker Shade of Magic by VE Schwab

This is another book that has been sitting on my kindle for a long time, and I don’t know why. I’ve heard so many good things about it, and it sounded like exactly the kind of thing I’d love - unsurprisingly, once I picked it up I did Iove it! This was just so much fun to read!

I love the whole concept of the 4 parallel versions of London, but only a select few can travel between them. It’s interesting how different all the worlds are, and I can understand Kell’s love of collecting and smuggling things from one to another. I thought Kell was a great character, and I really loved Lila. She just wants to be a pirate! I hope we get to find out more about their origins in later books. Also, calling it now, Lila’s an Antari too - she has a glass eye that I reckon used to be completely black.

The plot is pretty simple - in the words of Mike Wazowski, “Put that thing back where it came from or so help me-” But that doesn’t matter, because its so effective, and the numerous factions chasing them, as well as jumping between realities keep things plenty exciting. Although everything sort of wraps up at the end, and I actually think this works pretty well as a standalone, I really need to get a hold of the rest of the trilogy. I’m excited to see see where it goes.

3) Tower of Dawn by Sarah J Maas

I searched Terminal 5 of Heathrow airport for a copy of this thing. I’ve been excited to read it for a whole year. I’ve been looking forward to Chaol and Nesryn’s excellent adventure since I finished Queen of Shadows 2 years ago, and then they weren’t in Empire of Storms, so I started looking forward to this little novella which wound up as a 600+ page brick. Not that I’m complaining, I just wonder how the hell everything that happened in here was supposed to fit into a novella?! Because there were some serious reveals in here, as well as all the world building and new characters.

I think we can now safely say that every single character from The Assassin’s Blade has been accounted for. Most of them joined Aelin’s army at the end of the last book, and the return of Yrene was a huge part of this one. I love that she kept the note from Celaena/Aelin after all these years, even though she still doesn’t know who the stranger was. I would love to see her reaction when Chaol tells her, although I have a sad feeling it will be left to our imaginations (much like all these bloody secret weddings!). Another returning character, I’m pretty sure at least, was Falkan who, if I’m not mistaken was the merchant who sold Celaena the spidersilk in Assassin and the Desert. Also, he’s a shifter and Lysandra’s uncle, which is a really nice little link.

I thought that in some ways, this book called back to some of the simpler storylines of the earlier books. Most of Chaol’s storyline was set in either the palace or the Torre, instead of all over the continent, and the whole mystery of Tumelun’s death, and working out what was killing the healers and trying to attack them in the palace was quite reminiscent of Book 1, before everything got so much bigger and crazier. My love of Chaol as a character was confirmed in this book. I’ve always been a fan, and never really understood a lot of the hate he seems to get on tumblr - the poor guy’s had his entire worldview turned on its head in the space of a few months and been forced to accept a lot of stuff, so I understand sort of where he was coming from. But it was nice to get inside his head a lot and see what he really thought about everything that had happened. Also, I love how much he loves Dorian and I am so excited for their reunion in the next book!

At the end of Queen of Shadows I was ready to accept Chaol and Nesryn as romantic endgame, but I am so glad that isn’t what happened. There wasn’t anything wrong with them as a couple (although some of the way she was treated in here wasn’t great), but I love Chaol and Yrene, and Nesryn and Sartaq so much better! Speaking of Nesryn, I loved her storyline in the second half of Tower of Dawn. I loved the way she went, “I was promised an adventure, so I’m going to go and have one!” And that’s exactly what she did. I really enjoyed the scenes in the Ruk Riders aerie, Bort was a great character, and fighting the giant spiders was pretty cool. I also loved the scenes with Nesryn’s family, because that’s a side to her that we haven’t seen much of.

I loved the whole world of the Southern Continent, and all the new characters that were introduced. Hasar definitely grew on me more than I was expecting, and Sartaq is just so great. I actually think I preferred Tower of Dawn to Empire of Storms, although I think Queen of Shadows is still my favourite in the series. I actually quite enjoyed taking a little break from Aelin and Rowan and all the drama (and sometimes a little bit of frustration), that comes with reading about them. Don’t get me wrong, I love Aelin, I’m incredibly worried about what’s going to happen to her, and that final chapter was not ok, but it was refreshing to have such a big book in the series that she wasn’t such a big part of, even though she was present in lots of little ways.

And now we wait. For the final book in this series that I love. I have no idea where its going to end, especially with all the new characters and revelations introduced in here, but I am excited to find out! Also, to find out how long it’s going to be in order to wrap everything up - its got to be 700+ pages, its just got to be! Also, I’m going to see Sarah J Maas next week - she’s doing an event in my city, and I’m so excited!!! Hopefully I’ll pick up some good spoilers and bits of information!

4) A Closed and Common Orbit by Becky Chambers

This is another book that I’ve been excited to read for a while, but I was waiting for it to come out in paperback, then I was away. But, I finally picked it up, and I absolutely loved it. I was expecting to of course, because I absolutely adore The Long Way to a Small Angry Planet, which is the first book in this series. I described that book as fluffy sci-fi, with a super diverse world and wonderful characters, and all of that was just as present in this book.

I wasn’t sure if I’d love it quite as much as the first book, as it’s not a direct sequel. The crew of the Wayfarer are not present in this one, except for Lovelace (after what happened at the end of Book 1) and Pepper, who was a minor character. The bit where Sidra (Lovey) tried to write a letter to Jenks was so sad! I would have loved a proper cameo from the Wayfarer, and I live in hope that they will appear in later books. So, Closed and Common Orbit has much less of an ensemble cast than Small Angry Planet, and has a much less episodic feel to the story. It’s more like one continuous story, or rather two parallel stories, although it’s still a very character driven book. Nevertheless, I still absolutely loved it.

I really enjoyed Sidra getting to experience so much of humanity for the first time, and I thought she offered quite an interesting perspective. I loved how she tried to find her own place in the world, and I love the solution that they found to her struggles. Pepper’s backstory was a really interesting one too. Again I loved seeing her learn about the world, and I was so impressed by her determination to survive and fix her ship and get out of the scrapyard. It was nice to see how she met Blue, and I thought that Owl was such a wonderful character. What I wasn’t expecting was that after she escaped the factory, she would be stuck for another 10 years before she truly escaped her old life.

I’m not going to lie, tears were shed towards the end of this book, and I read the last 100 or so pages in one sitting. It was mostly happy tears though, as Pepper and Blue finally escaped the scrapyard, and they lost then found Owl after all those years, and Sidra found where she belonged, and it was just lovely and emotional. I absolutely love this world, and I’m excited for the next book, which is apparently another sort of companion novel about the Exodus Fleet, something I look forward to learning more about!

5) Beauty Queens by Libba Bray

This book was completely insane, but I did enjoy it. The premise, a bunch of Beauty Pageant contestants stranded on a desert island sounds pretty fun, if a little ridiculous, but throw in a vaguely dystopian corporation controlling everything, a Bond-style secret lair and reality tv pirates, and you have something truly nuts, but a lot of fun. It also read pretty quickly, which is a good thing for someone with a busy life!

I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect going into this, but I thought that some of the satirical elements worked really well. There were some interesting comments made about sexism, racism, LGBT issues, beauty standards, consumerism etc. Some of it may have been a little heavy handed, but there were still some good points made. There were places where I just turned the page and went “WTF?!?!” but the best thing to do is just go with it.

Part of me was expecting a lot more bitchiness between the girls, so that was quite nice to see, and I enjoyed seeing a lot of the characters find themselves, find their real passions and work out what they really wanted. It was also nice to see where all of the girls ended up in the future at the end.

6) Inferno by Dan Brown

This is the 4th Dan Brown book I’ve read, and its pretty close to Da Vinchi Code in terms of which one’s my favourite. Plagues and pandemics and stuff like that really freak me out, but I didn’t find this too bad. It had more of what I’ve loved about all his books, which is the fast pace combined with all the information about art, history and science mixed in. You learn a lot from reading these, and I loved the setting of this, which is Florence, Venice and Istanbul. I’ve been to Istanbul, but Italy is somewhere that I really really want to go!

I actually saw the movie of this one when it came out last year, so this became less of a priority book, because I know most of what happened. But this has a different ending to the movie, something that really pissed off the friend who I saw the movie with. My thoughts on said big change - I think the movie ending works better for a big Hollywood movie and wide audiences, but the book ending is much more interesting and thought-provoking and possibly wouldn’t have translated quite as well to film. Without giving too much away, I think the book gives a really interesting solution to the population problem, which wasn’t quite what anyone was expecting, and I really liked. I also liked that Sienna got a chance at redemption.

 Like I’ve said, I really enjoy these books, and the new one is in my house, so I’ll get to that at some point. But, there’s something else that I would really like to read. I want to read a book that’s just as popular, has the same writing style with all the intellectual detail, but the main character is a woman. Still in her mid-forties, still single, still a highly respected academic in her field, and in every book she teams up with a different younger sexy guy who falls slightly in love with her. Not to go on about double standards or anything, but female characters like that just don’t really exist, while there’s a fair few Robert Langdon’s wandering about the place. This isn’t a massive criticism at all, I just think it’s an interesting point to note.

 7) La Belle Sauvage by Philip Pullman

I’ve been excited to read this since it was announced. The His Dark Materials trilogy is one of my favourite series of all time, so to get a whole new trilogy in that universe is just brilliant. My only hope is that it doesn’t mess with the ending of The Amber Spyglass, because I know that this series is going to end 10 years after that one. It is a heart-breaking bittersweet ending, but it works so well, and I love it, and I don’t want it to be magically fixed because the author changed his mind. We’re a hell of a long way away from that point though, as this is only the first book in the new trilogy, and it essentially serves as a prequel to Northern Lights. 

I loved returning to Lyra’s world, as it is home to Daemons, aka one of my favourite ideas in the whole of fiction. It was also nice to see more from some minor characters from the original trilogy like Farder Coram and Hannah Relf before they were who they are 10 years later. Baby Lyra and Pan are also adorable, and it was cool to see how they ended up at Jordan College. I really liked Malcolm as a protagonist, he’s just such a good kid and wants to learn more and explore, but do the right thing and yeah. I hope we get to see more of him in the rest of the trilogy, but I have no idea if the books are going to stick with him, or explore other things or what. Also Alice - how is she related to Roger? They have the same last name, so is she his sister, cousin, surprisingly young mother? I hope we find out - the unexplained connection will drive me nuts otherwise.

Much like the original trilogy, this was a really fun adventure which works as a children’s book, but at the same time goes a lot deeper and has some themes that are a bit more adult, but you probably won’t pick up on if you’re too young. That was something I definitely remember from the 2 readings of His Dark Materials, one at 10 and one at 16. You can see all the sinister Magisterium stuff from the other series starting to build in this book, and start to interrupt Malcolm’s perfect world. The adventure came much more in the second half, when they were paddling to London on the flood, although I didn’t like it quite so much when it got a little bit trippy and weird, with the fairy woman and the house where nobody could see them and stuff. I liked the witch though - I’ve always loved Philip Pullman’s take on the witches.

I did think the ending was a little bit abrupt though. They make it to Jordan College, Lord Asriel buggers off and it ends. Did Malcolm and Alice make it home safely? Who knows... I’m excited to read the rest of this trilogy, although I have absolutely no idea when the next book is due to be released - I suspect its not going to be one a year. I also have no idea where the story is going, when it’s going to be set, who it concerns, and that excites me. It’s more from one of my favourite worlds, and if its as good as this was, I’ll love it. My final point in this post - this is a ridiculously pretty book. I took the dust jacket off, and I squealed a little bit because its covered in gold sparkles like Dust, and it has a quote on the spine, and I love it so much!

[neverending2012]

My Journey To You Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25

SUMMARY: Mercedes comes home from vacation and enjoys visiting with Stacey and Aunt Josephine and reuniting with her family; Finn continues to mend his relationship with Matt and Lucy

RATING: Mature

WARNING: Mild cursing, sexual situations; depressing themes

HEAR THAT VOICE AGAIN

Mercedes' phone rang at 5:00 in the morning. It was Sam. She answered the phone.

"Hi sweetie," she said.

"Sorry to call so early."

"It's fine. I was awake"

"I woke up and got your text and had to hear your voice."

Mercedes wiped tears from her eyes.

"Sam," she said.

"Are you crying?"

"Yes."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I love you, that's all."

"I have a feeling there's more to it than that."

"I'm ok. Really. How are you?"

"I'm fine. Missing you though."

"And the kids?"

"They're good, but they miss you too; in fact, they're here in bed with me."

"Why?"

"We were watching movies and they fell asleep and I was too tired to take them to their rooms."

Mercedes could picture Abby, Rosy, and Jake all snuggled up next to their father in the king-sized bed, and it warmed her heart.

"I'm surprised you got any sleep."

"It wasn't so bad."

"Give them a kiss for me"

"I will."

"When will Aunt Josephine and Stacey get there?"

"Later on today."

Mercedes leaned back on the mountain of pillows behind her.

"Thank you again for my vacation."

"You're welcome. I hope you're enjoying yourself."

"I am."

"Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes, we're having fun."

"Good."

"Sam?"

"Yeah?"

"Abby has swim lessons at noon. Her suit is in the dryer."

"Ok. Anything else?"

"If Rosy wants her Mickey Mouse doll, it's on the windowsill of their room."

"Baby I –"

"Oh, and Jake's Cookie Monster slippers are underneath his crib, I found them before we left."

"Thanks, baby. I love you."

"I love you too."

Sam yawned and Mercedes heard Rosy's little voice in the background.

"Pa?"

"Go back to sleep," he whispered.

"I'll let you go," Mercedes said.

Next she heard Jake's voice and Abby asked if it was Mommy on the phone and then the kids wanted to talk to her and it was sweet chaos and after she spoke to them and Sam finally had the phone again he said:

"Schätzchen, keep having a good time. Everything is fine here at home."

"I plan to."

"Ok, baby, see you soon. I love you."

"Love you!" the kids said in the background and Sam told them to keep their voices down.

"Bye, Sam, I love you too."

After the call, a few seconds later, Sam sent her a picture of him and the kids cuddled together on the bed, in their pajamas, with huge smiles. Sam had sheet imprints on his cheek and tousled bedhead, Rosy's hair was a wild curly bush, Jake had a gold star sticker on his chin, and Mercedes could only wonder how it got there, and Abby wore her hot pink satin nightcap. Sam's arm was around Abby, and her head was on his shoulder. Jake sat on her lap and Rosy was on Sam's lap. The early morning light shined on them, all golden and pure. She stared at the picture for a long time and kissed the screen; her family was beautiful, and that photo meant more to her than any of the expensive professional photos with fixed poses and coached smiles; because this photo came from Sam's heart and she felt the love in the picture. She was blessed.

GIRL TALK

Tina woke up with a hangover. She spent half the morning nauseated and vomiting in the toilet, but when the worst was over, Mercedes ordered a pot of strong black coffee; warm croissants with butter and strawberry jam, and had the concierge send a copy of the New York Times to their room. Tina curled up in bed, her hair in a messy ponytail, and her skin pallid. When Mercedes wheeled the cart into the room, she said:

"Hey, Miss Thing, I have a surprise for you."

Tina sat up, smiling a little.

"You do?"

Mercedes stepped back from the cart, lifted the lid on the platter and spread her arms.

"Voila!"

Tina looked at the silver platter filled with her favorite breakfast. She laughed out loud.

"You remembered! You even got the Times!"

"Yes, and one more thing."

Mercedes turned on her iPod and Can We Talk by Tevin Campbell began to play.

"Welcome to the nineties," she said as Tevin's tenor voice drifted into the room.

Tina opened her arms.

"Come here."

The two hugged.

"You're the best. Thank you."

"You're very welcome. I also left a bottle of Excederin in your bathroom, in case you need it."

"Thank you. Come sit down. Let's talk."

Mercedes sat next to her on the bed and Tina grabbed a croissant from the platter and nibbled it.

"I heard you talking on the phone earlier."

"Sorry, I thought my voice was low."

"Don't worry it was. I'm just a light sleeper."

"Sam called me."

"Is everything ok?"

Mercedes leaned against her, laying her head on her shoulder. They both wore the oversized gold bathrobes provided by the hotel.

"I sent him a text last night and he wanted to thank me for it."

"What did it say?"

"I'm the luckiest woman in the world. I love you."

Tina gave her a sideways glance.

"That's nice, sappy, and totally out of left field… tell me what's going on."

Mercedes sighed.

"Nothing gets passed you, does it?"

Tina took a bite of her croissant, licking the strawberry jam from her fingers.

"I know you, Mercedes. Does this have anything to do with why you disappeared on me last night?"

"I ran into Puck."

Tina stared at her and spoke with her mouth full.

"The Puck?"

"Yes."

"How the hell are you just now mentioning this?"

"Calm down, you were drunk. Besides, nothing happened. It just made me realize how much I love Sam."

Tina raised her eyebrows.

"Nothing happened?"

"Ok, he said he loved me."

"That's definitely not nothing."

"I told him I was happily married."

"Burn that dress."

"No way. I want Sam to see me in it."

"Well, after he sees you. Burn it."

"I don't think my dress is bad luck."

Tina sat up a little more and poured herself a cup of coffee.

"I do. It could get you in trouble."

"Only if I want to be in trouble. I'm glad I saw him. I finally got a chance to say good-bye."

"Are you going to tell Sam?"

"I don't know. Would you tell Mike?"

"Maybe. It depends. Mike can be all Zen about stuff and then he can also get all caveman when he wants to."

"I'll think about it. What do you want to do today?"

Tina dumped sugar into her coffee.

"I booked us at the spa downstairs."

"What time?"

"Our appointment is at noon. We're getting massages, facials, manicures, pedicures and sea algae treatment wraps.

"Sounds fancy and expensive."

Tina she stirred her coffee and took a sip.

"Don't worry about it. Cooper and LaTonya are footing the bill."

"They are?"

"Yep. I found out when I booked the appointment. The receptionist said that the Andersons will pay for all food and services at the hotel this week."

"I knew about the food but the spa too… this is too much."

"Enjoy it. You deserve it. I think this is their way of saying thank you for being so supportive and good friends to them."

"Cooper does have a special relationship with Abby and they understand each other. He really came through for us during that Karofsky crisis. And though I haven't known LaTonya very long, I think she's a great person."

"I say don't look a gift horse in the mouth."

"I second that."

"That's the spirit."

The Tevin Campbell song ended and SWV's Weak began to play.

Tina hummed along to the music.

"I love this song."

"Me too," Mercedes said, "I love this vacation."

"Yeah," Tina said, smiling at her, "I do too."

FRIENDLY ADVICE

"Here, grease and flour this pan," Aunt Josephine said to Hiram as she handed him the tube pan, "I want to get started on the cake batter."

It was early Wednesday morning. Everyone else was asleep except for Hiram, Aunt Josephine and Sean, who were in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking. It rained outside and gray skies loomed overhead. As much as she enjoyed finding fault with people, Aunt Josephine had become rather fond of Hiram and Sean and they liked her in return.

"What kind of cake are you making?" He said.

with an orange glaze."

"I've never had that before."

Aunt Josephine glanced at him while plugged in the bright red tilt-head stand mixer.

"It's delicious. And you better not eat it all. This cake is for me. I've got a big sweet tooth."

Sean stirred his coffee and yawned.

"My grandmother used to make us chocolate chip shortbread every Christmas, that was our favorite family treat."

"Ours was Banoffee pie," Hiram said as he greased the tube pan for the cake, "My mum would make it for us on our birthday or a special occasion."

"My mama never baked much," Aunt Josephine said, "But I had a great aunt who would make this cake for us on Thanksgiving and I learned how to make it," she said and opened the cupboard, "Oh, here's the vanilla and almond extracts." She took out the two small brown bottles and placed them on the counter next to the stick of softened butter. Then she looked at Sean.

"Could you preheat the oven to 300 degrees?"

"Sure," he said, getting up from the table.

"Thanks," she said as she unwrapped the butter and slid it into the mixing bowl, "I hope this rain lets up, it's so nasty out."

Hiram sprinkled a handful of flour into the tube pan and tapped the sides of the pan, coating it with the flour.

"Maybe we can take the kids to the movies. I'm glad Booba had all of her appointments yesterday."

"Rachel told me about some hair care products I could use to help my heat damaged ends. That gal sure knows a lot about black hair."

"She used to spend summers with her cousins and she liked doing their hair," Hiram said, "Thank you for keeping her company while everyone was out yesterday."

"It's no problem at all. I enjoy talking to her. Such a sweet girl," Aunt Josephine said. She then turned on the mixer, and added, "She has a good heart."

Tears filled her eyes. She quickly wiped them away on the sleeve of her bathrobe and watched the silver beaters spin around the bowl, mixing the pale yellow butter. She gradually added three cups sugar.

Hiram set the tube pan on the table.

"We're blessed to have her," he said, reaching for Sean's hand.

Aunt Josephine nodded, looking away from them, avoiding their eyes that most certainly had tears in them too and gazed out the window into backyard. After a while she said:

"You raised a kind and brave woman. I admire that."

She turned the mixer back on, and began to add the eggs, "I know there's been tension in the house recently and I have some advice for you even though you didn't ask for it."

Sean raised his eyebrows.

"Come again?"

"That stuff between Finn and Rachel."

"Oh, I see," Sean said.

"What's your advice?" Hiram said.

She looked over her shoulder.

"Let me finish this first."

After she added the remaining ingredients, and mixed the batter, she joined them at the table. She held their hands; her smooth, brown fingers with bright purple glitter polished nails, wrapped around their rougher, masculine hands and squeezed them tight.

"Lucy is having a hard time of it. Matt is too."

Sean sighed.

"We're doing our best."

"I know. And this may sound crazy, but I'm going to say it anyway. Forget about forgiving Finn, you may never forgive him, and that's ok. But for the family's sake, stop judging and criticizing him. I lost some years with Mercedes because I judged Shane for what he did, and it cost me. But you have a chance to make amends. He loves his family a lot. Do I think he's an asshole for what he did? I sure as hell do, but I know there's something bigger here. If the kids see you move toward a truce, it may help them heal faster."

Hiram kissed her cheek.

"We'll try. You have an interesting approach to forgiveness."

"I'm being realistic. I think sometimes people force others to feel things that they don't and shame them for it. I ain't about that life. I'm all for dealing with things in your own way. I'm not saying you should stew or anything but, hell, nobody can change your heart but you, and if it happens it happens, and if it doesn't it doesn't, just keep moving and doing the best you can." She rose from the table and took the tube pan with her. She poured the cake batter into the pan, put it in the oven and sat down again.

"You're good people and I don't want you to make the same mistake I did."

Sean hugged her.

"You're a treasure, Josephine."

"Don't I know it?" she said, laughing in agreement.

FAMILY, CAKE, AND LOVE

Abby woke up to the aroma of Million Dollar Pound Cake. She got out of bed, put on her bathrobe, and went downstairs to the kitchen and found Aunt Josephine drizzling the big yellow pound cake with an orange glaze. She pursed her lips.

"Now, Abby, you better not eat all my cake," she said, "My sweet tooth got the best of me this morning."

Abby smiled. She knew Aunt Josephine made that cake because everyone loved it. Especially Abby. She hugged her.

"You made it for me."

"Hush child, getting a big head, aren't we?"

Abby looked up at her.

"My head is the same size as it always is."

"Is it now?"

"Yes."

"Go on and get the plates from the cupboards."

As she got the plates, everyone else came downstairs: Stacey carried Rosy on her hip and Sam carried Jake. Aunt Josephine gave everyone huge pieces of the moist, yellow cake, dense and buttery with a smooth velvet texture, and drizzled with the sweet orange glaze. She gave empty warnings to them to not eat all of "her cake," which of course they paid no attention to. The unexpected treat made the dull, rainy morning special. The only time Abby had that cake was when her aunt would make it.

Matt took a bite of cake.

"Thank you making it for us. It's good."

"Now, mister who says it's for you," she said with mock sassiness, and he laughed. She poured him a glass of milk, "Make sure you finish that, Matty, don't want you having weak bones."

Aunt Josephine nicknamed Matt, Matty, though no one was sure why. But Matt didn't mind at all.

Rosy and Jake liked the cake too, and demolished their little pieces, crumbs and orange glaze covered their cheeks.

"This is the best damn cake," Stacey said as she took a bite.

Sam agreed with her.

"I know. She won't give me the recipe, but I'm working on it," he said, winking at Aunt Josephine.

"When the time is right, I'll give it to you."

"Famous last words."

"Hush up," She said and turned her attention to Finn, "Is Rachel still asleep?"

"Yeah, she won't be up for another hour or so. I'll save her some cake. I'm sure she'll like it."

Aunt Josephine nodded.

"Well everybody, I'm going upstairs to get prettied up. Load the dishwasher when you're finished."

"Are you going out today?" Abby asked.

Aunt Josephine smiled, lifted Abby's chin, and kissed her forehead.

"A woman doesn't need a reason to look her absolute best. She just does."

Then she went upstairs to make herself beautiful.

MURDER IN MY BEDROOM

"Do you think he looks like a real murder victim," Lucy said as she put more fake red blood on Matt's face. The blood was made of water, corn syrup, red, blue and green food coloring and flour. She got the recipe on the internet.

They were in Abby's room. The afternoon rain pattered on the roof and beat against the windows. Matt lay on the floor. Fake blood was on the white T-shirt he wore and he held a steak knife splattered with blood.

Abby narrowed her eyes.

"I guess… But if he's the murder victim, why is he holding the weapon?"

Lucy tilted her head to the side.

"Yeah, I see what you mean," she said and took the knife from him, "I wish we had some of that yellow police tape," she paused then said, "The chest wound looks good."

Abby nodded.

"It does."

The cavernous wound on Matt's chest was made from white glue, fake blood, skin tone make-up and toilet paper; it looked like someone had cut him open, and red blood oozed from the wound.

"Could you start taking the pictures?" Matt said, "I've been lying down here forever."

"Stop complaining," Lucy said, "It hasn't been that long."

"I'm hungry."

Abby picked up the digital camera from off her dresser and handed it to Lucy.

"Me too."

"See?" Matt said, "I'm not the only one."

Lucy aimed the camera at him.

"Close your eyes."

"Why can't I keep them open?"

"Because I don't want my murder victim to have his eyes open."

"People can die with their eyes open."

"True. And I want it to be creepy, but not that creepy."

Matt rolled his eyes and closed them, but not before he stuck out his tongue.

"I think you might win the contest," Abby said.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

Lucy entered an online amateur make-up artist contest for kids 12-14. She decided the horror category would be the most fun and challenging; especially after seeing Granddad in an 80s teen horror movie that Rachel forbade them to see, but they sneaked and watched it anyway late one night; and Abby felt a little guilty about doing something bad, but she also enjoyed it too.

Suddenly they heard yelling coming from the backyard. It sounded like a child but not quite. Lucy put down the camera, and they went to the window, and to they're amazement, a cerulean peacock was in the backyard: it had a brilliant blue body and its feathers were blue and green. The peacock called out again.

"What's a peacock doing in our yard?" Matt said.

"This is weird," Lucy said.

Abby stared at the bird.

"Maybe he's lost."

Lucy glanced at her.

"From where?"

"The zoo?"

The peacock walked around the yard, making that strange birdcall, as they watched the bizarre scene, Stacey walked into the room, her hair pulled back in a wet ponytail; she smelled like ocean body wash.

Stacey joined them by the window.

"What's with the peacock?"

"Hey, Aunt Stacey," Lucy said, "We're trying to figure it out."

"It's loud as hell. I hope it doesn't wake up the twins. I just put them down for their nap."

"My face itches," Matt said, "Let's take the pictures so I can wash this stuff off."

Lucy turned away from the window

"Ok."

Stacey lifted his chin, inspecting his blood-splattered face.

"This looks real. You did a good job, Lucy."

"Thanks."

Lucy finished taking the pictures and Matt left the room to wash off the make-up while Stacey, Lucy, and Abby watched the peacock.

Abby tapped her fingers against the glass.

"I wonder how long it will stay?"

"Who knows?" Stacey said, "Come on, it's time for lunch."

They went downstairs to the kitchen where Aunt Josephine was stirring a big pot of tomato soup. She wore a hot pink velour tracksuit and her face was made up like she was going out on a date; her hair had reddish highlights and was in a mass of short, fluffy curls. Aunt Josephine smiled when she saw them enter the kitchen and Abby hugged her by the waist.

"Smells good."

Aunt Josephine bent down and kissed her cheek.

"The grilled cheese is warming in the oven. The soup is just about ready."

Abby and Lucy got plates and bowls out of the cupboard and set the kitchen table. By the time it was set, Matt came downstairs. Stacey blessed the food and while they ate, the peacock made odd human-like noises in the backyard. During lunch, Sam and Finn came home and they ate lunch with them, and said the peacock stupefied them too. Sam sat next to Abby and kissed her forehead.

"Aside from that crazy bird, anything else happen today?"

She bit into her grilled cheese sandwich.

"Matt was murdered in my bedroom."

"Oh, yeah the contest," he said, smiling at Lucy, "Good luck."

"Thanks, Uncle Sam."

Finn dipped his sandwich into the soup.

"I'd like to see the pictures. You're good with this make-up thing."

"Why did you have to do horror?" Aunt Josephine asked, "You children are too cute to be covered in blood, looking like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

Lucy laughed.

"Because horror is the hardest category. I wanted a challenge."

"That's a good attitude. But still, I don't know. Do something pretty."

"Like what?"

Aunt Josephine thought for a moment.

"Like Marie Antoinette. Powdered wigs and red lipstick. I love period pieces. Or something from the 1920s, you know like the flappers."

"Great Gatsby?"

"Now you're talking. Or Josephine Baker, I love her."

"She's the woman who wore the banana skirt," Lucy said.

"She did more than that. She broke racial barriers. I loved that she wasn't a maid or mammy. She could be black and a woman and hold onto her femininity. When I was a teenager, they used to show her movies at the public library; and I would watch them on Saturday afternoons. I used to want to go to Paris because of her. And I was named after her."

"Wow," Lucy said.

Abby was surprised.

"I didn't know you were named after Josephine Baker."

"My mama was a fan of hers. She said Josephine Baker made her see that black women did more than cook and clean in those days. Don't get me wrong, mama didn't get out much, or know a lot of history, but she knew about Josephine Baker and she knew about Paris."

Aunt Josephine put her arm around Abby.

"You know, sometimes, you remind me of my mama."

"I do?"

"You got her smile. And when you get stubborn and narrow those pretty eyes of yours, if you ain't the spitting image of Marvelette Spencer. She would've loved you and Mercedes," Aunt Josephine said. She stared at her with wistful eyes, "She would've been so proud of you both, just like I am."

Abby hugged her tight, smelling her Chanel No 5 perfume and the oil sheen spray she used on her hair, "Thank you."

Aunt Josephine rubbed her back.

"No need for thanks. It's the truth."

Abby forgot how much she missed her Aunt Josephine; it wasn't until she came to visit that she remembered how the tough, sweet woman always made her feel special with her family stories and doing little things like making Million Dollar Pound Cake early in the morning or listening to modern music which she didn't always care for; she listened to Matt's punk music, Lucy's pop music and Abby's soul music, giving critiques and sometimes she liked what she heard. Rosy and Jake loved her to bits, always clamoring to sit on her lap.

After lunch Finn and Sam went back to work, Aunt Josephine went to the living room to keep Rachel company, and Stacey, Abby, Matt and Lucy put on their rain coats and went outside to the backyard to look at the peacock up close and take pictures of it.

The backyard was a sodden mess. The peacock roamed about, making strange noises. They were able to get close to it, but not enough to touch it. The peacock stared at them; it didn't appear to be afraid only curious. Lucy and Abby snapped pictures with their phones.

"We should put out an ad asking if anyone has lost a peacock and check with the local zoos and wildlife reserves. I used to have a fan made of peacock feathers when I was a kid," Stacey said, "Let's go back inside. I hate standing in mud."

They followed her into the house, shaking the rain off of their coats and hanging them up in the laundry room o dry off. Then they went into the living room where Rachel was relaxed in the recliner and Aunt Josephine was on the couch folding two knitted blankets: one light pink and the other light blue.

Rachel pointed to the blankets,

"Look, I finished them."

Matt and Lucy looked at the blankets, and smiled but their voices were hollow.

"That's great, Mom," Lucy said, walking over to her and kissing her cheek.

Matt nodded and gave her a kiss too.

"Thank you. I'm glad you finished them."

"Aba and Pop are taking you three to the movies later on; they said they would be here by 4:00."

"They wanted to take Rosy and Jake too," Aunt Josephine said, "But I told them they were too young. Besides those two would probably be running up and down the aisles," she smiled, and set the blankets beside her; "They have a lot of energy and get into everything, but I love those little munchkins."

Stacey sat down on the love seat.

"Y'all should look online and see what's playing."

"What are you doing the rest of the afternoon?" Abby asked Aunt Josephine as she sat down beside her on the couch.

"I have plans with Stacey and Rachel."

"What plans?"

"We're going to watch an old Bette Davis movie called All About Eve," Rachel said, taking deep breaths as she spoke, her eyes shined, "I haven't seen that movie since Aba and Pop showed it to me when I was a kid."

Lucy sat on the arm of the recliner and held her mother's hand.

"Maybe Dad will watch it with you when he gets home."

"Maybe," Rachel said.

"I don't know if my brother could get into Bette Davis," Stacey said, "But there's no harm in asking him."

"We'll see," Rachel said.

Abby was looking forward to the movie; she liked Zaide and Granddad and they treated her like one of their own grandchildren. She wondered if it was because she and Matt and Lucy had grown so close; then she reasoned that it didn't matter why and she loved them nevertheless. They sat in the living room talking until Zaide and Granddad showed up to take them to the movies. Aunt Josephine told them to mind their manners and act like they had some sense; then she gave them all a hug and kiss good-bye.

SILENT RIFT

Stacey and Finn loaded the dishwasher together. She had made Finn's favorite childhood dinner of Sloppy Joes, tater tots, and corn on the cob, and for desert they had strawberry shortcake ice cream bars. Though she wasn't much of a cook, she knew how to make basic things and Finn appreciated that she remembered his favorite foods. Even Rachel had a few bites of a Sloppy Joe and said it reminded her of a grammar school cafeteria lunch. The rain stopped and the blue and green peacock sat up high in one the trees in the backyard, a majestic presence, watching over the house.

Finn put a plate in the dishwasher.

"Thanks for making dinner."

"My pleasure. I thought it would be nice to pretend like we were kids again."

"Yeah."

Stacy put a handful of silverware into the utensil tray.

"But now I need an adult drink."

"How about a beer?"

"That'll do."

They loaded the rest of the dishes and turned on the dishwasher. Finn got two bottles of beer out of the fridge and they sat down to the table, opened their beers and drank in silence for a while as the dishwasher hummed. The kitchen smelled like lemon detergent. Then Finn said something that weighed on his mind.

"Thanks for coming and helping out. I appreciate it. I know you're not used to this domestic stuff."

"I'm not completely hopeless."

Finn smiled and sipped his beer.

"I wasn't saying that you were… hey, can I ask you something?

"Shoot."

"Why did you stay away?"

Stacey looked at him for a moment, hesitating.

"I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to come. I've been traveling a lot."

"This is different."

"I know."

"Well?"

"I didn't want to see Rachel dying."

"Neither did Stevie and Kurt. They came anyway."

"I'm here now."

They drank in silence until Stacey said:

"There's another reason."

"What is it?"

"I couldn't face Matt and Lucy… or you."

"Why?"

"They're kids. What can I do for them during something like this? And after I found out about your affair, I was so disappointed in you. Then I realized all of you needed me. We're family and we've been through a lot. Despite everything, you're my big brother and I love you, and I plan on staying for as long as I can."

"You don't have to go back after next week?"

"No."

Finn hugged her.

"Thank you."

"Promise me something."

"What?"

"Spend as much time as you can with Matt and Lucy."

"I'm nobody's hero anymore."

"Let Rachel be the hero."

Finn looked at Stacey, tears glistened in his eyes. She pulled him close to her and he cried as she held him.

WELCOME HOME

When Mercedes came home from vacation, she felt rejuvenated. The children clamored for her attention and she hugged and kissed them and was grateful for the blessing of her family. They sat on the back porch, watched the peacock, played games or just talked. It was great visiting with Aunt Josephine and Stacey. She realized she missed them and enjoyed the time she spent with them. Unfortunately, Sam wasn't there when she got home because he and Finn had to deal with an issue with a house in Lexington; they got back in the late afternoon, and Mercedes was upstairs taking a nap. She woke up and found Sam kneeled by the bed.

He stroked her cheek and kissed her.

"Well, if it isn't my blue angel. Baby, you look gorgeous."

She wore her underwear, a blue satin bra and panties, her skin had a dark, rich glow to it because of the days she and Tina spent lounging by the pool, sipping cocktails, eating fancy appetizers and talking. Sam loved it when she tanned. He ran his calloused hand up and down her silky thigh.

He kissed her again.

"I missed you," he said, and before long she pulled him on top of her. They made out for a while. Mercedes liked it when he left passion marks on her neck, and rubbed against her. He smelled like wood polish and sawdust, the back of his neck was sweaty, and none of it mattered, because everything he did felt good, every touch and caress, was pleasurable. She wrapped her legs around him as he rutted against her.

"Need you," he whispered.

She nodded and he unzipped his jeans and slid off her panties. He thrust into her, pumping his hips. She arched her back, accepted all that he gave her; it was hard, quick, and fast, she needed him as much as he needed her and they clung to each other tight, and came in each other's arms. In the afterglow of the orgasm, the rippling currents flowed faintly between them; she lay still beneath him, felt his heart beat against hers; he was fully clothed except for his jeans and boxers shoved down past his waist, exposing his pale muscular buttocks in the warm afternoon sunshine; and she only wore her bra, her heavy breasts confined in the blue satin cups. He kissed her and gazed into her eyes.

"Now this is how I like to come home."

She brushed away the damp hair on his forehead and kissed him.

"I love you."

He nuzzled her neck,

"And I love you… You smell good."

"I do?"

"Are you wearing perfume?"

"No just body wash."

He kissed her neck.

"Well you smell damn good… why are you in your underwear?"

"I was hot."

"We can adjust the AC."

"No, Rachel is too fragile for it to be so cold. I'm ok and the ceiling fan helps."

"Are you sure?"

She kissed his freckled nose.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"I love your tan."

"Aunt Josephine said I was the color of molasses."

"I like molasses. But you're sweeter."

"So I've been told."

"You're beautiful."

"Thank you. So are you."

He smiled.

"Let's get cleaned up."

They showered and as they got dressed, Sam said:

"I have to pick up some supplies. I'll be back in about an hour."

She frowned.

"But you just got home."

"I know, baby, don't worry I won't be long," he said, "I promise."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"Let's play it by ear," he said, kissing her cheek, "See you later."

He quickly left the room; Mercedes was sad to see him go, but she got dressed and as she was about to leave the room to go downstairs, she noticed that a cream colored envelope had been slipped under the door. Her name was written across the front in calligraphy. She smiled and picked it up. This was like their invitation for their first date.

Mr. Samuel Hummel requests the pleasure of your company at

The Hummel Italian Feast

Today at Seven O'clock in the evening at the Blue Angel Bistro

Please wear something blue

Please RSVP before 6:00 today by calling your wonderful hot husband, Mr. Samuel Hummel

Mercedes laughed and called Sam.

"Hey, baby," he said.

"Ok, Sam, of course the answer is yes. What's going on?"

"You'll see. Be ready."

"Don't worry. I will."

"I'll be home soon Love you."

"Love you too."

She decided to wear her royal blue maxi dress with a sheer floral lace design on the skirt. She bought it at a boutique while on vacation. She fluffed out her hair in an Afro and pinned a blue rose hairpin on the left side. She decided to put on a bit of make-up: a little blush and red lipstick, and some eyeliner for her eyes. As she was putting on her sapphire heart locket that Sam gave her as surprise gift a few months ago, someone knocked on her door. She opened it and what she saw could only be described as adorable. Abby, Rosy and Jake stood before her smiling, and each of them held a single blue rose. Rosy and Abby wore matching blue sundresses and Jake wore a short-sleeved blue shirt and black shorts. Abby patted her little brother and sister on the head.

"Go on," she said.

They grinned at their mother and handed her the roses.

"Here," Jake said.

"Pretty," Abby said, touching the blue lace on Mercedes' dress.

"Thank you," she said to them, "All of you look very nice."

Abby gave her the rose.

"We're here to take you to the Blue Angel Bistro."

"Oh, I thought your father was coming to pick me up."

"Nope, come with us."

She gave each of her children a kiss on the cheek.

"Lead the way."

Abby took Jake and Rosy by the hand and they carefully walked down the stairs and went through the kitchen where Stacey and Aunt Josephine were unwrapping dishes of food. The aromas of tomato sauce, basil, and oregano filled the kitchen. Mercedes' stomach grumbled. She had not eaten since lunchtime and that was several hours ago. They wore blue linen dresses and smiled when they saw her, but kept working.

Aunt Josephine waved them away.

"Go on. Nothing to see here anyway."

When they got to the back porch, Matt and Lucy greeted them, dressed like waiters in blue shirts, black ties and black pants, each holding a blue rose and a menu. They handed her the roses.

"Welcome to the Blue Angel Bistro," Matt said, "Right this way please."

Mercedes gave them each a kiss on the forehead.

"Thank you."

They followed Matt and Lucy out to the back yard. Mercedes' eyes grew wide at how magical it looked. Twinkling blue lights were strung up in the trees, a round table covered with a white tablecloth and set for two with their finest china was near the burning gray stone fire pit. A blue pillar candle burned in the middle of the table in a glass candleholder. The sun sank into the horizon and the air grew cool, a breeze blew through the yard. A few feet away, the blue and green peacock added to the ambience as it roamed around.

Matt pulled out her chair, and Mercedes sat down. Lucy handed her a menu.

"This is what will be served this evening. Uncle Sam will be here soon. Would you like some water?"

"Yes, please."

Lucy poured her a glass of water, setting it in front of her. Mercedes smiled at her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome, Aunt Mercedes."

The twins wanted to chase the peacock, but Abby ran after them, saying they had to go back inside. They fussed a little, but obeyed their sister, as she took their pudgy hands and walked back to the house. When everyone left, Mercedes opened the menu.

BLUE ANGEL BISTRO

APPETIZERS

Abby's Amazing Fresh Mozzarella and Tomato Salad

Matt's Marvelous Minestrone

Lucy's Lavish Focaccia Di Recco

Rosy's Ravishing Stuffed Mushrooms

Jake's Jazzy Olives

ENTREES

Sam's Salivating Lasagna al Forno

Hiram's Heavenly Braised Beef Pappardelle

SIDE DISHES

Sean's Savory Sautéed Vegetables

Stacey's Sinful Sweet Corn with Bacon

Finn's Fabulous Grilled Asparagus

DRINKS

Rachel's Romantic Strawberry Italian Soda

Palazzo Della Torre

DESERTS

Aunt Josephine's Awesome Italian Cream Cake

Sam's Sexy Zeppole

Mercedes chuckled at the names of each dish; it was so sweet and adorable. She couldn't believe that everyone went to all this trouble for her, but she appreciated the thought and effort put into the dinner. Just as she closed the menu, Sam walked toward her; he held a dozen blue roses. He changed into black dress pants, a white shirt and a blue tie. He looked so handsome. When he got to the table, he leaned down and kissed her.

He handed her the bouquet and kissed her again before he sat down beside her and held her hand.

"You look stunning."

She blushed.

"Thank you."

"So what do you think of the Blue Angel Bistro, named after you I might add."

"Sam, this is just… I can't even begin to describe how generous and thoughtful all of this is but why?"

"I want you to know that I will never take anything we have for granted and I appreciate everything you do for our family. Not too many women would allow an entire family to move into their home. That's asking a lot and you handled everything beautifully. I'm so honored to be your husband and I love you."

Mercedes hugged him.

"Sam, I love you so much. Thank you."

"You're welcome, baby."

"How did you get all of this done?"

"We cooked yesterday at Hiram and Sean's place and stored everything there. Finn picked up the food this afternoon while we were uh... getting reacquainted," he said, and winked his eye as he kissed her cheek, "Anyway, all of the kids cooked their dishes. Even Rosy and Jake stirred the ingredients for theirs. We supervised everything. It was a lot of fun."

Mercedes squeezed his hand.

"It sounds like fun. Hey, where did you go earlier?"

"To pick up the wine. It wasn't at the local liquor store so I had to go to North Star to get it."

Matt and Lucy walked out into the yard with trays with small bowls of minestrone soup, plates of fresh mozzarella and tomato salad, and focaccia di recco. With Abby behind them, carrying tall glasses of Italian soda.

"Everything looks marvelous," Mercedes said, gazing at the food as they set it before her, "You children outdid yourselves."

"We hope you like it," Lucy said.

"I'm sure I will."

Abby set down the glasses of sparkling red soda.

"Here you are."

"Do you need anything else?" Matt asked them.

"No, we're good for now, thanks," Sam said.

The children left and Sam said grace.

"Lord, we thank you for all of our blessing and abundance. Amen."

"Amen," Mercedes said, she took sip of water and said:

"How did you get the idea to do this?"

"You told me that when you studied abroad in Italy during college that you ate some of the best food there. I thought we could sort of recapture your experience. You were so happy when you talked about it."

"Oh my God, I forgot that I even told you that. Do you remember everything I say?"

Sam's cheeks grew red.

"Well, not everything. I don't always remember to fix leaky faucets or pick up the dry cleaning. But I remember the stuff that makes you really happy or sad."

Mercedes was overcome with emotion when he said that and tears fell from her eyes.

"Thank you. I…," she paused searching for her words as the tears spilled onto her cheeks, "You know all my life, I've been in the background. Not in a bad way, it was just a comfortable space. I knew I was loved. But you… you celebrate me and that's the most wonderful thing anyone has ever done for me. Thank you for taking me out of the background, and shining a spotlight on me. I never even knew I wanted that light, but now that I'm standing in it, I love it."

He gathered her in his arms as she cried.

"Schätzchen, shhh, there now, settle down, those better be happy tears."

"Yes, they're happy tears."

"Baby, why wouldn't I celebrate the best thing that ever happened to me? That was most definitely the day you showed up on my doorstep. That was the beginning of what we have right now, and you've made my life beyond wonderful. So yeah, I'll keep celebrating until my last breath… I love you."

She kissed him and wiped her eyes with the white cloth napkin.

"I love you too."

He touched her cheek.

"All better now?"

She nodded.

"Yes."

"Bon appetit."

They began to eat and everything was delicious: Abby's salad with shiny white balls of soft fresh mozzarella, sweet, juicy cherry tomatoes and fresh basil leaves tossed in balsamic vinaigrette and roasted garlic was divine; Matt's flavorful minestrone soup with beans, carrots, celery, onions and sage in a tasty broth reminded Mercedes of eating lunch at small restaurant in Rome, crowded with hungry college students; and Lucy's Focaccia Di Recco with the melted creamy white crescenza-stracchino cheese stuffed between the golden brown layers of Ligurian flatbread was almost as good as what she ate when she visited Liguria. Rachel's Italian soda sparkled with strawberry sweetness and the slices of fresh strawberries floating on top added a pleasant touch. She and Sam talked and ate, and kissed every now and then. It grew dark outside, a blue twilight settled over them. The firelight glowed and Mercedes felt happy and serene. Matt, Lucy, and Stacey returned with small plates of marinated olives and stuffed mushrooms, and cleared away the other dishes.

"Would you like some more soda?" Abby asked as she picked up a plate.

"Yes, thank you," Mercedes said, "And all of you, did a marvelous job with those appetizers, they were great."

Matt and Lucy blushed at her praise.

"Thank you, Aunt Mercedes," they said, and hugged her "But Granddad and Zaide helped us a lot."

"That doesn't matter. You still did a very good job."

"Thank you, Mommy." Abby said, hugging her as well.

"I second that," Sam said, smiling at all of them.

When they were gone again, Mercedes ate one of the olives; she closed her eyes, and savored the flavor of fresh rosemary, thyme, oregano and garlic that flooded her taste buds.

"Good?" Sam asked, grinning at her as he took an olive too.

"Excellent. Our son Jake is a culinary master."

Sam chuckled.

"Well, he was certainly good with stirring in the ingredients while Hiram dropped them in."

The stuffed mushrooms were scrumptious, filled with red peppers, onions, breadcrumbs and melted Parmesan cheese. Mercedes only allowed herself to have two.

"I'm saving room for the main course," she said.

Sam picked up another mushroom.

"I'm looking forward to Hiram's dish."

"I want your lasagna. I already know how good it is," she said.

Aunt Josephine and Stacey came out with the entrées, and Matt, Lucy and Abby brought the side dishes.

After they set down the plates, Stacey said to Mercedes:

"You'll have to tell me how you like my bacon and sweet corn."

"I will. I'm sure it's good."

"I made it, so of course it's good," Stacey said as she picked up the dirty dishes, "I'll bring out the wine in a bit."

"Call if you need us," Aunt Josephine said over her shoulder. And they walked back to the house.

Sam's lasagna al forno was as good as ever, brown and bubbly on top, with layers of spicy tomato sauce and melted mozzarella, parmasean and ricotta cheese between thick lasagna noodles; and Hiram's braised beef pappardelle was just like her Italian host mother's with succulent shredded beef chuck, rosemary, sage, salt and pepper in a wonderful red wine sauce with heavy cream and served over tender pappardelle pasta. Stacey brought out the wine and poured two glasses of the Allegrini Palazzo Della Torre, a dark red wine that was almost black and tasted like dried plums, cassis fruit, red cherry compote, huckleberries and a touch of chocolate; the wine's bouquet was rich and full with the scent of wild flowers, cocoa and coffee. Mercedes sipped it slowly and felt warm and tingly all over. While they ate the delicious food and drank the robust wine, as the stars shined above them and the candlelight illuminated their faces, Mercedes felt as if she were in the middle of a fantastic dream.

"I don't think I can eat desert," she said, sighing as she wiped her mouth with her napkin, "I'm officially stuffed."

Sam burped.

"Me too."

"You're worse than Matt," she said, leaning over and kissing him. He pulled her closer and the kissing grew intense, the flavors of red wine and tomato sauce lingered on their lips and Mercedes relished the kiss, his plump lips were a perfect match for her own lips and he eased in his tongue which, of course, was even better. They didn't stop until they heard someone behind them clear their throat. Mercedes pulled back from Sam and looked up, and saw Aunt Josephine shake her head at them:

"Do you want us to bring out the projector screen? Or are you two going upstairs?"

"Bring out the screen," Sam said.

"Ok, Finn will set it up."

"Thank you."

"What's the screen for?" Mercedes said.

"You'll see."

A few minutes later, Finn came out with the outdoor projector screen. He was in his work clothes and looked exhausted.

His appearance worried Mercedes and she patted his arm.

"Finn, are you ok?"

He smiled.

"I'm fine, just a little tired. Did you enjoy dinner?"

"Yes. Your asparagus was great."

"Thank you," he said as he set up the screen. Then Stacey came out with a laptop computer and portable projector, and set them on the table and removed the dirty dishes. Aunt Josephine brought the zeppole and Italian cream cake for dessert, even though Mercedes and Sam had no room left in their over stuffed stomachs for the decadent treats, they took a small bite of cake and it's smooth silky texture, sweet coconut and pecans and fluffy cream cheese frosting was rich and delectable; and the zeppole, which were delicious deep fried balls of dough, puffed up and golden brown, and sprinkled with powdered sugar, reminded Mercedes was of St. Joseph's Day in Rome. When she bit into the fried dessert, the flavor of the sweet powdered sugar and yeasty dough ball transported her back to the Roman celebration with street vendors selling zeppole on every corner.

After Finn put up the screen; he hooked up the laptop to the projector, turned it on, and went back to the house. A video began to play with a message on the screen: "To My Blue Angel, Mercedes, I love you, Sam."

Mercedes looked at Sam.

"Sam what did you –"

"Watch and see."

The opening segments showed everyone in Sean and Hiram's kitchen, cooking the food for her surprise feast. They waved to the camera, and said they hoped she enjoyed the meal. Then the next segments featured each family member in different locations as they spoke to the camera and told Mercedes how she made their life better and why they loved her.

Finn was first. He sat in his truck, the noonday sun shined behind him, and a red baseball cap sat low on his brow.

"Hi Mercedes. I remember the first day I met you. Abby wasn't talking then. You gave me a glass of lemonade and listened to me talk about my family and you were so kind; and I knew my brother had found somebody special, even if he didn't realize it yet. You made him a better man. I'm glad he married you. You've treated my family with so much love and kindness," Finn paused and wiped a few tears from his cheeks, "I can't thank you enough. Anyway, I'm not good at this mushy stuff, so I'm signing off now. You're a wonderful person and we all love you."

Mercedes couldn't stop the tears flowing down her cheeks. Sam kissed her.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she said, as she wiped her tears away and continued to watch the video.

Rachel was next. She was outside in the backyard underneath the oak tree, sat in the outdoor recliner; the peacock lurked behind her in the distance. A pink silk shawl was wrapped around her thin shoulders.

"Hello Mercedes. Thank you for being incredible. Thank you for the late night talks and the sister bond we share. Thank you for your beautiful voice, and generous heart, and for the love you give us every day. You've overcome so much and you have a gentle, caring spirit. You never treated me differently after I got cancer; I'm still Rachel in your eyes, and we gossip, and giggle like always, and I'm free with you. I admire you and I love you."

Matt and Lucy were next. They were in Lucy's room on her bed wearing pajamas, and they rested against a stack of big white pillows behind them.

"Hey, Aunt Mercedes," Lucy said and waved, "I hope you liked the food we cooked for you. You've been so good to us since we've been living here and I love you very much. You let me cry, get angry and be myself. Thank you for being an awesome aunt."

Matt waved. "Hi Aunt Mercedes. I think you're awesome too and I love you."

In the next segment, Hiram and Sean said a few words; they were in the living room of their condo, cuddled up on their couch.

Hiram spoke first: "Thank you for all you've done for our family; we're truly grateful. Your warmth and caring nature makes everything so much easier and you opened your home to us during a very difficult time. We love you."

Then Sean said: "Mercedes, I don't have much to add except to say that I love you; your kind heart has gotten us through many dark shadows. Thank you for your generosity of spirit, and for your ability to remain hopeful. You mean a lot to us."

They blew her a kiss and the scene faded, and then Stacey popped up next. She sat on the back porch in a white wicker rocking chair, a glass of lemonade in one hand and a blue silk fan in the other; her long blonde hair shined in the sun. She looked like a southern belle.

"Hello Mercedes, thank you for marrying Sam. I've never seen him so happy and fulfilled. You're an amazing woman, a devoted wife and wonderful mother. Thank you for being there for Finn and his family. I failed Finn when he needed me and I will make up for it. I love you're a Hummel. I love your humor and kindness. And I just plain love you."

Aunt Josephine was next. She was in the kitchen, sat at the table, her auburn highlighted curls were fluffed out around her head, her face was made-up, and reminded Mercedes of the women who worked at the Fashion Fair counter at Macy's. A red silk scarf was tied around her neck and she wore a white silk blouse.

"Well, Mercedes, I'm proud of how you turned out, and your mama and daddy would've been proud too. It was never easy for us but you've become a remarkable woman. Your children are so loved and Sam is fortunate to have you, just like I was fortunate to raise you. Our relationship taught me so much, even the rough stuff we went through. Spending time here in your home, and seeing the life you have makes me so happy. Thank you for making my life better. You're intelligent, beautiful and courageous, and you deserve everything you have and more. I love you very much."

Mercedes continued to cry as Sam rubbed her back; this was all too much but she appreciated every moment. The final segment featured Sam, Abby, Rosy and Jake; they were in the back yard, and sat on a red checked picnic blanket; it was sunny and brilliant outside like a postcard; everyone wore blue t-shirts and khaki shorts. Rosy and Jake were on Sam's lap and Abby was beside him, and his arm was around her. Rosy and Abby's hair was styled in a single Afro puff with a blue ribbon tied around it. Jake's hair blew in the breeze.

"Hi Ma!" Rosy and Jake said, waving at the camera and Jake did the same.

Abby waved too, her head on Sam's shoulder.

"Hi Mommy!"

"Hi, baby," Sam said and looked over at Abby, kissing her forehead:

"Go on," he said.

She nodded, smiling up at him.

"Ok, Papa," she said and looked back at the camera.

"I think you're the best mother in the world, and even though I don't always like what you tell me to do, I know it's because you love me. Thank you for showing me I'm beautiful and teaching me to love myself. And when Daddy died," she didn't speak for a moment, and blinked away her tears, "Thank you for letting me be silent because that's what I needed and for holding me at night and remembering him with me and for loving me through all the bad stuff. I'm grateful for this family I have with you, Papa, Rosy and Jake and I'm really happy. I love you, Mommy."

"My baby," Mercedes whispered.

Finally, Sam spoke.

"Hey, Schätzchen. We made this video because we wanted to show you just how much you mean to everyone in our family. I love our life together and I couldn't be married to a more wonderful woman than you. You've changed me for the better and gave me this beautiful family and life. You're my Blue Angel, I love you."

The video was over and Mercedes was speechless. Sam held her in his arms.

"Well?"

"That's the sweetest, kindest, greatest gift I've ever received. Thank you."

Sam wiped her face with a napkin and kissed her cheeks and lips.

"You're welcome."

LEATHER AND LACE

That night as a surprise for Sam, she wore the black faux leather and lace corset with a thong she bought on a shopping spree with Tina, and Sam took one look at her, whistled and ran his hands over the laced up back and massaged her flanks, smacked each cheek, and instructed her to get on all fours. He shifted the thong to the side and entered her from behind, and stroked her before exploding inside her and she shuddered through an intense orgasm.

After a few minutes of rest, he helped her lie on her back, admired the view of her full bosom bursting out of the leather and lace cups, and he got between her soft, plump thighs and thrust into her again, Mercedes had never felt so sexy in her life, the corset turned him on even more than she thought it would, and when they came again, she cried out in his arms, and he groaned through his release. Later, when he no longer wanted the leather barrier between them, he slowly untied the corset and slid it off of her, and her voluptuous body was on display. They made love all night, and he whispered how much he loved her as he stroked her, held her close, kissed her, worshipped her every limb because she was so precious to him, and it was passionate and sweet; adoration from strangers was nice, but nothing compared to the love Sam gave her.

The next morning, as the sun rose, they sat facing each other in bed, legs crossed, knees touching, holding hands and staring into each other's eyes. As their breathing synchronized, Mercedes looked inside Sam, and saw the sparkle of his brilliant inner light; she squeezed his hands, loved how they swallowed hers whole and protected her. His eyes gleamed, and never strayed from hers, in that tranquil spot, they shared a special space and time, separate from the universe, away from the pain and grief that surrounded them, they practiced a silent appreciation and love: bare and vulnerable. Imagined or not, Mercedes heard his heart beat with her own, felt it too, and they connected as one soul.

Sam was so beautiful, and it wasn't his handsome exterior that was the source of her admiration and love, it was how much he opened his heart, he loved her through Pauline's betrayal and Abby's emotional darkness, he loved her when she folded the laundry and he would come up behind her, put his arms around her, kiss her neck, and tell her she was sexy even though she wore old sweats and a scarf on her head. He was the type of man that danced with her in the kitchen as they waited for the morning coffee to brew, stealing kisses as he hummed Betcha By Golly Wow and twirled her around. He rarely let go of her hand whenever they were out; and best of all, he gave her Rosy and Jake and became Abby's father. He made her an extravagant Italian meal and a video with the family telling her how much she was loved and valued and it stemmed from the memories she gave him of her summer in Italy, a story that she had forgotten she even mentioned but one that he remembered only because it made her happy.

I cherish you.

Sam understood, smiling.

They pressed their foreheads together, breathing deep. It was magical; they reached inside one another, and the essence of their true selves emerged, and they embraced the soulful beauty.

Sam loved reaching inside Mercedes. If he could stay with her in their universe, he would, soak up all of her love, wrap himself in it, but he would settle for these moments, prolong their time together for as long as he could. She was his blue angel; and her love was a privilege he was honored to have; she chose to be his wife; she could've had any man she wanted, and she chose him and that made him feel ten feet tall in his darkest moments. He loved how she would massage his lower back without him even asking her to do it; she saw the the pain in his face, and would kiss his cheek, tell him to strip and lie down on the bed and then her soft, sweet hands would knead his flesh, and she would praise him for what a good job he was doing on his latest project and then gently chastise him to take it easy to avoid injury. On the days he knew he couldn't make it home for lunch, she would pack it for him and slip in little love notes or candid pictures she took of herself and the children.

The notes would say something simple like I love you or they would tell him what a good husband and father he was. He saved every note and picture. She saw the best in him and never stopped challenging him and his love for her grew every day; he knew that sounded cliché but it was true, even when they fought, they never tore each other down, they tried their best to come together and resolve it.

At the end of the day, he loved to lie with her in bed completely nude, let his hands glide over her stretch-marked belly, and they would just talk and cuddle, sometimes kiss. They talked about everything from how their day went to what bills needed to be paid. And even during the silent pauses, it was comfortable, nothing was better than those nighttime conversations, under the covers in the blue darkness of their bedroom. He reached for her and held her to his heart, loved her with everything in him.

You are my heart and my world. I love you.

He knew she heard his words, and felt them in her heart. She pulled back from him, gazed into his eyes, and she placed her hand over his heart.

This is sacred. I love you.

He then placed his hand over her heart, nodded that he understood, and they felt the love and energy between them, until he embraced her once again, because she was his home and his everything.

FLYING HORSES

Later that morning, when she awoke, Sam had left for work, but there was a letter on the dresser for her.

Dear Mercedes,

I'm glad you enjoyed your vacation with Tina and your Blue Angel Bistro surprise. Damn, you're beautiful. Thank you for last night and this morning. I appreciate the life we've built together, our children, and our home. I love you. I hope you have a wonderful day. I'll see you soon.

Love,

Sam

Mercedes read the letter twice, smiling to herself as she went into the bathroom and took a long shower. Afterwards, she put on a long, yellow sundress and twisted her hair into a bun. She went downstairs and found Aunt Josephine in the kitchen feeding Jake and Rosy blueberry oatmeal; she was in her red bathrobe and slippers.

She glanced at Mercedes.

"Don't you look all bright eyed and bushy tailed."

"I got a good night's rest."

"I bet you did."

She smiled, her cheeks rosy.

"Aunt Josephine."

"What? It's true. Besides that man is crazy for you, I'm surprised you're up this early."

"I always get up at this time."

Jake held out his arms.

"Ma!"

Rosy talked through her mouth full of cereal.

"Ma!"

"Hush, Miss Rosy," Aunt Josephine said, gently admonishing the toddler, "you know better than to talk with your mouth full, now close it and chew."

Rosy obeyed and Jake whined. Mercedes gave each of them a kiss, and told them to calm down.

"I'm not going away again for a long time. Don't worry."

But this didn't appease them, so she sat down and Aunt Josephine placed them both in her lap and they hugged her tight.

"Ma," they said over and over again, their little hands touched her face.

"They're afraid you'll vanish," Aunt Josephine said.

"I'm right here," she said to them, "I missed you so much."

They nodded and hugged her again.

Jake looked up at her with his big dark eyes.

"Stay."

"I'm here."

He nodded, her answer satisfied him. Rosy smiled.

"Good."

She put them back in their high chairs and they continued to eat their oatmeal.

"Where are the kids?"

"Hiram and Sean took them to the Natural History museum to see a dinosaur exhibit."

"I forgot that was today."

"They'll be back this afternoon. And Stacey took Rachel to the doctor."

"Since that peacock is hanging around, we should buy it some birdseed."

"It likes grapes, at least that's what Abby said, cause it eats all the grapes she puts out. And Matty said it liked bread. I don't if we should be keeping that bird."

"It's not hurting anything. Did Stacey call the local Wildlife Reserve?"

"Yes, and they weren't familiar with it. And after posting on the Star Pride Facebook group page, nobody else knew where it came from either."

"Well it likes our yard."

Aunt Josephine nodded and wiped Rosy's mouth.

"It sure does. You really do look beautiful this morning."

Mercedes blushed.

"Thank you."

After the twins finished breakfast, Mercedes and Aunt Josephine got them dressed and they went to Petco and bought some Mazuri Game Bird Starter Feed, White Millet seeds, and Black Sunflower seeds. Mercedes also got a silver water trough, and a stainless steel trough feeder. Then they went to Star Pride Park to walk along the nature trail and get some sunshine. Together they pushed the double stroller and chatted. Aunt Josephine looked like old Hollywood glamour with her cat-eye sunglasses with diamond rhinestones and a vintage style sleeveless red dress with an A-line skirt. The twins loved being out at that park, especially when they stopped at the duck pond and threw some old crackers that Aunt Josephine had in her purse into the water and watched the mallards swim to the edge and gobble up the crumbs floating on the water's surface.

"Quack, quack," Rosy said, clapping her hands.

Jake pointed to the crumbs in the water.

"Eat," he said.

When they finished feeding the ducks, they put the twins back in the stroller and went to the picnic area. Mercedes unpacked their snacks of fresh fruit cups and veggie puffs and they ate at the picnic table while watching other families enjoying the day. Afterwards, they went home and Mercedes put the twins down for a nap, and joined Aunt Josephine in the living room. She sat next to her on the couch.

"Rosy and Jake should be asleep for a while, they got a lot of exercise," Mercedes said and stretched her arms.

"They're active. You were quiet. I remember you used to sit and play blocks for hours… you know I've been thinking a lot about things lately."

"Like what?"

"Just everything. What you went through as a child. How you turned out."

"Is that good or bad?"

"Depends on how you look at it. I wish I could've been there for you more."

Mercedes held her hand.

"I love my life, I wouldn't change a thing."

Aunt Josephine touched her cheek.

"When you were a little girl you always wanted me to read to you and bake cookies and have tea parties. But I had no time for that. At one point, I was working three jobs. And you were always alone, but you never complained. One day, I got home, dog-tired, it was 100 degrees outside and our AC was broken, I came into the house, all sweaty and dirty, you were on the couch, in front of the fan, I can still see your chubby little face, sweat rolling down your cheeks… and you were crying. You said to me: I just had a wonderful dream and I don't have anybody to tell it to. You were only 9 years old and already so lonely. It broke my heart in two. I asked you what you dreamed and you said it was about a flying horse in heaven. I told you to write down your dreams and I could read them later. You said it wasn't the same. I took my shower and then we went out for ice cream. I couldn't really afford it; but I had to do something. The next day I left for my shift at 5:00 in the morning as usual. After that you wrote down your dreams. I read them. And you were right; it wasn't the same. I regret not being able to be there when you woke up, to hear your voice, and watch your pretty face light up. Then you stopped writing them down."

"You did the best you could with what you had. I know that now. And I love you."

"I know you do, but Mercy, when you mourned Shane, and Abby couldn't talk, and when Karofsky followed you, I saw that little girl in your eyes; I'll never stop seeing her. I know I can't change the past. But spending time with Rachel makes me want to hold on to every moment I have with you and make up for what I missed out on when you were growing up."

Mercedes stood up.

"I'll be right back."

"Ok."

Mercedes left the living room and went upstairs to her bedroom. She went into the closet and turned on the light and stood on her tiptoes and reached for her wooden keepsake box on the top shelf. She carefully got it down, and as soon as she opened it, she smelled Love's Baby Soft perfume and bubble gum. Underneath her old birthday cards and letters she found what she was looking for: four dark red leather journals. She grabbed the journals, turned out the light and went back downstairs.

"Here," Mercedes said, handing her the journals, as she sat down beside her.

"What is this?"

"My dream journals… I never stopped writing them down. I just didn't give them to you to read."

"Why?"

"I felt like it was a burden for you to read them. A lot of them were sad. You carried so much on your shoulders and I felt guilty. Even though you asked me to do it. And it wasn't the same as telling you myself. But now I'm giving them to you and I thought, since you're here, we can go through them together."

Aunt Josephine opened her arms and they hugged.

"I'd like that very much."

GIRLHOOD

The peacock became the Hummel's pet. A vet came to the house, examined the bird, and determined it was a healthy female. Mercedes named her Speranza. Finn decided to build a little house for the peacock and Matt, Lucy and Abby helped him build it in the back yard. When it was finished, they painted it sky blue. Speranza wouldn't go inside her house at first, but eventually her curiosity got the best of her and she roosted in it, but mostly she liked to sit up high in the trees and she came and went as she pleased. Finn spent more time with his kids. Even during his busiest days, he found time to be with them, sometimes they just sat on the back porch and watched Speranza wander around the yard, they fed her grapes and she would let them touch the top of her head before walking away again. Early one morning as Lucy patted the bird's head she said to Finn:

"School is starting soon."

"Yeah."

"Grandpa and Zaide want to put us in Star Pride Academy with Abby."

"Do you want to go?"

She shrugged.

"I don't want to go to a new school. I miss my friends."

"We can visit them."

"No."

"Why not?"

"It hurts to go back just like it hurts to stay here."

"I thought you liked it here."

"I do. But I can't stop hurting cause of Mom."

Speranza walked away and circled in front of them and belted out her loud, strange human-like call; it unnerved Finn, but he got used to it; he put his arm around Lucy.

"Neither can I."

"What do we do?"

"I don't know."

Lucy laid her head on his shoulder.

"I guess I can go to that school. At least Abby will be there."

"You'll make new friends."

"It won't be the same."

"Probably not."

"Just like you're not the same."

Finn didn't respond. In his therapy sessions with Santana, she said Lucy's anger toward him would take a while for her to get through and her image of him was tarnished. They sat, side by side, listening to Speranza's call until Lucy said:

"I got my period this morning."

"Oh… is it your first one?" Finn said, unsure of what to say.

"Yes."

"Do you… do you feel ok?"

"A little achy. Aunt Mercedes gave me some Advil and a pad. I wanted to tell Mom but she was asleep."

"Oh, well, congratulations?"

Lucy smiled at him.

"Seriously?"

"I have no idea what to say. But you can't use up all of Mercedes' pads so let's go buy some."

"Now?"

"Why wait? Let's get dressed and we can go."

"Alright."

After they dressed he drove them to Target. Since it was so early, the store was empty except for a few cashiers chatting with one another. They went to the Personal Care aisle to get the pads. He never paid attention to what Rachel used, and he had no idea what brand Mercedes gave to Lucy.

"So which ones are we getting?" he said.

Lucy looked at the shelves of sanitary napkins, in bright pink, purple, or green packaging, flowery designs on the boxes. She picked up a purple box of Always pads on the bottom shelf.

"This is what Aunt Mercedes gave me this morning."

"And you like them?"

"I guess so."

Finn noticed that the Target brand of pads were cheaper and was tempted to get them since money was tight, but he refrained from saying anything and took the box from her hand.

"Anything else?"

"Advil."

They went further down the aisle and got the Advil. As they walked to checkout, Lucy spotted a photo booth decorated with the red and white Target logo.

"Let's get our picture taken," she said and tugged his arm, as she walked to the booth.

Finn looked down at his hole-in-the-knee, faded jeans, beat-up sandals and wrinkled Superman t-shirt.

"I'm not exactly camera ready."

"Me either. Who cares?"

Lucy wore Burt's old gray windbreaker and bleach stained purple sweatpants. She was experimenting with hair dye and had faint blue streaks in her closely cut hair.

"Ok."

They got in the booth, closed the white curtain, and sat down on the bench. Finn paid the fee and they took their pictures. In some they made silly faces, and in others they only smiled, and in the last one, Lucy laid her head on Finn's shoulder. When the photos slid out of the dispenser, his heart broke when he saw tears in Lucy's eyes in the final picture, her face solemn.

"Lucy?" he said.

She didn't respond and they left the booth, paid for their items and exited the store. The drive home was silent. When he pulled up to the house, and parked the truck, Lucy remained seated, instead of unbuckling her seatbelt as she normally would do. Finn stared at his daughter, and tried to figure her out, what was inside her, what he should say; she was a stranger and familiar all at once, the old Lucy and new Lucy combined. He touched the blue streaks in her hair, and wondered if he had a place in her life and what it should be. Lucy turned to look at him.

"I'm tired," she said.

He leaned over and hugged her, and she wrapped her thin arms around his bulky waist, and cried into his chest.

A MILLION BEAUTIFUL THINGS

That night Finn looked at the stars with Matt. They lay on an old blanket and stared up at the sky. Matt pointed out the constellations he knew and the stories behind them. He talked about Speranza eating bread from his hands and how he listened to an old Joy Division song and memorized the words. Finn listened to his son's chatter and when he ran out of things to say he fell silent for a while until he asked Finn:

"Is Lucy sick?"

"She got her period."

"Oh."

"Your Uncle Sam and I are going to Lexington tomorrow, would you like to come?"

"Why?"

"No reason. I thought you might like to hang out with us while we work."

"Just us guys?"

"Just us guys… unless you want your sisters to come."

"No. I want it to be just us."

"Alright."

"Dad?"

"Hmm?"

"I don't want to read Mom's letter, is that bad?"

Finn sighed and said nothing for a few moments, thinking of what to say. Matt grew worried.

"It's bad isn't it?"

"No, it's not bad. I think that when you're ready, you'll read it."

"Have you read yours?"

"Yes."

"Did it make you cry?"

"Yes."

"I keep thinking if I don't read the letter then she won't die."

"Matt, it doesn't work that way."

"It's all I have."

Finn sat up on the blanket and looked down at him. He looked so much like Rachel it was uncanny.

"She prayed so hard for you."

"She did?"

"Yes, when you were a baby. Lucy was healthy and could come home but you had to stay in the NICU; something was wrong with your heart. Every day she spent every moment she could with you, holding you, telling you stories… she would pray for you to get better and she sang a song."

"What was it?"

Finn held back his tears.

"You know it."

"I do?"

Finn nodded and took his phone out of his pocket.

"She sang it for Lucy too," he played the song on his phone and sang along:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat but always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted GOD forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean

Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens

Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance. I hope you dance...

I hope you dance.

Matt sang along with him and then they heard another voice joining in, it was Lucy, she had come outside and now sat beside Finn on the blanket. Together they sang the second verse.

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Livin' might mean takin' chances but they're worth takin',

Lovin' might be a mistake but it's worth makin',

Don't let some hell bent heart leave you bitter,

When you come close to sellin' out reconsider,

Give the heavens above more than just a passing glance,

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance.

I hope you dance...I hope you dance. I hope you dance...I hope you dance.

As they sang, Finn remembered every road trip, every sunrise and sunset, every smile, every laugh, every fight… and Rachel's song played in his mind. She sang the song for them around a glowing campfire in Wisconsin, in a cramped apartment bedroom in Canada with a leaky roof, during long car rides on lonely highways, in supermarket aisles, and on quiet winter mornings as the radiator sputtered out heat and they sat around the living room, snuggled up in blankets, cups of hot chocolate balanced on their laps, and somehow the song came out, and Matt and Lucy would sing it with her because they loved it, they knew it was just for them, her babies she would say, and sometimes they danced around the coffee table, in their pajamas, dancing with hope, happiness and love, knowing they had a choice in life… it was her love song to them.

"You'll have to be their mother and father"

He couldn't forget Rachel's words and he sang even louder than before, despite his tears, he kept going until the song was over, he kissed the tops of their heads, hugged them both, and said he loved them. They gazed up at the stars and listened to the crickets chirp and the neighbor's dog barking; ordinary sounds in an ordinary world, but what Finn felt inside was extraordinary, it was big, sad, wonderful, and painful and just so much, too much. Finn wanted the first kiss in the rain, Taco Tuesdays, summer afternoons in the park with Matt and Lucy when hero worship was in their young eyes, Rachel's laugh and smile when she told him something happy, lovemaking early in the morning, her soft skin against his, wrapped up in blue cotton sheets, her long, brown hair fanned out on the pillow… a million beautiful things he wanted, but could no longer have.

His heartbeat slowed down, he felt life drain from him. Then he knew. He urged Matt and Lucy to get up, and he rushed into the house, and pulled them along, with his hands firmly grasped around theirs. They asked him what was wrong, but he only shook his head, and ran upstairs. He opened the bedroom door. Rachel lay on the bed, her eyes half-closed; she looked at them and smiled.

"I heard you singing," she whispered, "It was beautiful."

Finn, Matt, and Lucy sat down on the bed, and held her in their arms.

A moment later, she was gone.

END NOTES: Thank you for reading and reviewing!

[pisati]

I don’t remember too much about my birthday last year, besides having to work and mom taking me out to the cat cafe and the brewery. but despite having a pandemic birthday it was actually pretty nice.

I finally got 3 days off in a row. I did tell my friend Cassidy that I’d help them take their stuff to the UPS store to ship it back to CA, but I honestly thought it would only take part of the day. I didn’t mind grabbing lunch and also staying for dinner, but I didn’t really want to have to be driving all over that part of the DC area all day. which was what happened. I didn’t end up getting home til 1am, and while I DID tell them I could help, it kind of felt like a wasted day. wasn’t really an off-day. BUT Cassidy did cover all my food, got me a lovely birthday cake, and gave me some coloring book-style postcards and a little stuffed brain cell. plus a literal fuckton of crafting supplies they didn’t feel like hauling back to CA. I asked how much they’d want for it; they did say I could just have it but seriously that haul has got to be worth at least $150. there were 6 bottles of resin/hardener and those ALONE have got to be worth $80 at a minimum. they said they’d just ask $40 and like... shit, sure. that’s a goddamn steal.

they also sold me their 4x4 ikea kallax shelf; I remember helping them put it together when they first moved to MD. we took it apart and I had my brother come over sunday to help me carry the pieces upstairs. then put it together entirely by myself, which... I probably shouldn’t have done? I made it work, but that shit is Heavy and also very difficult to put together on your own. even the manual says you should have two people. every muscle in my upper body is incredibly sore now, and I managed to bruise both arms in multiple places (not even doing anything seriously injurious, I’m just an overripe banana). but in making room for it in my living room I rearranged the couches, relocated all my yarn to the new shelf from my old craft shelves (and it took up 12/16 of the cubes 🙃), re-sorted and organized the remaining craft shelves, took the two 1x3 shelves up to the rats’ room (and now they’re being used as towel storage), and actually cleaned up my living room area. my dining room table is sewing-machine-free for the first time since march. I just moved it to the craft shelves, and now I actually have the room there for the machine to just sit. the accessories have their own shelf bin. 

mom wanted to do dinner sunday night instead of today, and I guess that was okay. but it didn’t leave me much down time since I spent all day cleaning and organizing. but it was nice anyway. I got home and mom had blown up some balloons, and she had RHCP playing all evening. I’d requested homemade mac & cheese rather than noodles & co this year, and she found a pretty good recipe. she also made a cinnamon sugar doughnut bundt cake, which was good, though maybe a little dry. but served with ice cream it was better. mom told me she had another piece today and it was more moist today somehow.

mom and my brother had ordered me a bunch of things off my crafting wishlist on amazon, and those had come in during the week. my brother ordered the animal keychain molds, a mica powder dye set, black/white alcohol inks, and a silicone mold kit. mom got me a coaster mold set, another resin/hardener set, and a bunch of the sandpaper with the different grits that I really needed. I was kind of surprised she’d ordered me more things, since she already got me the huge rat cage. and she even told me today I should be getting another coaster set tomorrow, this one with 4 of the same size; the other one she ordered had 4 or 5 round molds but they were all different sizes. I can still make coasters with them, but the biggest one is small-tray sized and the smallest one is like... coin-sized, honestly. it’s tiny. and I can only make one at a time, so a set of 4 of the same size would take 4 days at a bare minimum; longer than that possibly if I were doing layers that needed to cure first. so with a set of 4 I can whip up a whole set at once. 

mom’s boyfriend got me things too, which was super nice of him. they saved it for the dinner night, so I got to open it there. he got me a geode coaster mold, the set of animal butt shaker molds I put on my wishlist kind of as a joke, but also I thought they were silly and adorable. I’m so excited to make those little shakers. also got a set of 3 trinket box molds with molds for the lids, and a little bag of snake charms I’d added so I could use the charms for mold-making; I could make my own little snake charm earrings!

so yesterday was a long day. and then I slept like garbage and woke up early this morning, but I at least got a few things done before Charlotte came over. we planned on a lazy day but since I’d wanted to make yesterday my craft day and never got around to it, I wanted to do that today. Charlotte I guess didn’t have the same idea, but she’d brought her laptop so she could play this video game she and her brother and husband and so on had played together. we ordered five guys for lunch, which is always nice. she brought me homemade cinnamon sugar cupcakes, and gave me a hand mixer, a few bath bombs, and some face masks as a birthday gift. she was right, I really do need my own hand mixer, ha. 

I finally got to work on my silicone molds, and it was super messy. I didn’t realize how much worse it would be than resin. but I tried my best to mix it well. I’d accidentally bought a $25 kit at michael’s a few weeks ago, because I’d picked it up from a clearance section and wanted to price check but forgot and forgot it was in my basket when I checked out; didn’t even realize I’d bought it until I was already back in my car looking into the bag. oops. but I ended up using the whole thing. and I had planned to make a crochet hook mold, so I was excited to try it. mom gave me an old tennis ball can that I cut up, and I used hot glue to seal it and position the hooks. I felt SO bad that it used up almost all of the silicone kit my brother got me; that shit is NOT cheap. and I was terrified I didn’t stir it well enough or mix the parts well enough because that would’ve been such a waste. but I demolded it after the few hours’ cure time and it came out beautifully. I cut slits in it with an xacto knife, so that way I can at least coax the hooks out more easily when I go to demold. it did seem like kind of a waste of a lot of the silicone, since I didn’t use up all the space, but hopefully I can sell enough crochet hook sets that I can maybe buy myself more. I’m nervous about those pours, because they’re not going to be easy, but I’m also excited bc I have a gorgeous, usable mold, and I got a ton of resin for [almost] free that I can experiment with. 

after that I finally got around to some of the resin I’ve been meaning to do. my friend in PA requested some resin earrings; she’s bought so many masks off my etsy for herself and family that after this last order I offered her a resin or crochet thing at no charge. so I’ve got to do some moon earrings; too bad I don’t have more than one moon mold. also my brother babysat some kids the last few weeks of summer and he’d taken them out to gather wildflowers for me to put into resin, so I offered to make them little resin keychains. I got little transparent letter stickers, and I’m super glad they worked as well as they did; the transparent stickers don’t show their borders in the resin so it almost looks like the letters are printed in it. I decided to make letter keychains with each of their initials, and I spelled their names with stickers in the letters. for the girl’s keychain, I added some of the flowers. I’m not sure what to put in the boys’ keychains quite yet. I’m told they’re harry potter fans, so maybe I’ll do some kind of transparent blue with gold glitter or maybe star glitter or something. I also had leftover colored resin from the moon mold so I added them to the J for my mom. nothing like the scramble for appropriately-sized molds when you’ve got extra resin. I also made another set of cat earrings, and I’ll see how those end up. I tried a drop of gold alcohol ink, and hopefully the white helped it sink. otherwise I’ve just got some weird looking cat earrings. 

(update, they turned out weird. gold doesn’t sink :/)

---

I wasn’t quite ready to go back to work today. I had a pretty good weekend, all said. don’t get me wrong, I enjoy what I do. but I feel like I need another gap year. I just want to stop existing for a while. stop having to go out and be around other people. having to talk to other people, all day almost every day. I’m tired. my brain is tired. my last gap year didn’t help with that, so I’m not sure how much good another one would do me. but I just... I need a damn break. 

I have another therapy appointment tomorrow. it may end up being my last one for a while. I already can’t really afford the copay, and I’m switching insurance to one she doesn’t take. my credit card bill this month is incredibly painful. not going to be too upset at not having to spend almost $100 a week to just ramble to someone I barely know. she’s pointed out a few things to me that I didn’t really notice I do, which is nice. but is it worth $400 a month? not right now. not when I’m about to lose my insurance and have to pay for my own. my rent is already half my pay, and now I’m going take a pay cut of somewhere around $100 a month for fucking health insurance. I hate this. I fucking hate the concept of health insurance. insurance in and of itself isn’t bad; property insurance is helpful. but having to pay money for other people to pay money for your healthcare? and you still have to hit a deductible somewhere in the thousands before insurance will even start covering your shit. and even then they can decline coverage or only cover parts of your expenses. literally what is the point

 back to worrying I guess. 

I’ve started a kind of ridiculous undertaking at work as a side project, now that I’m done scanning all the files that were up front. I printed out the list of all the clients in our system that had physical folders, and I’m going through the scanned records and making sure the active ones have new client paperwork and the hours disclosure attached. the head receptionist asked me to start with the ones my former coworker had scanned in, and there are a lot of disclosures missing. some are missing both. I don’t know if he just didn’t scan them or if they didn’t have them at all or what. but I’ve been putting alerts in charts so people know that they need to give the forms to the clients when they come in. we had one client get kind of mad that he’s been coming to us for 10-some years and didn’t want to fill out the paperwork again, even after we clarified it was for our records and for legal reasons. but whatever. 

I don’t know how many physical folders there were, but the list is very long. the folders go from 0 to somewhere in the 8000s I believe, but thankfully a lot are missing. missing as in possibly inactive, so there might only actually be 1000-2000 or so. but I’m going through every single one of them. I made myself a little system with highlighter colors: yellow means the client is active and they need something filled out (and I mark on the sheet what they need), purple means they’ve been seen within 3 years but more than 1 year ago, and they need to fill out something, pink mens inactive, and orange is kind of a catch-all for things like active clients who have recently moved (not sure whether to mark those as inactive). so far, since starting this a week or so ago, I’ve managed to get through 4 pages and a little bit on a 5th. many, many more to go.

the head vet wants to turn the back room into a little employee lounge area of some sort, but we want to get rid of those shelves first too. which means I have 2 big shelves of folders left before I’m officially done. thankfully the files in the back should *mostly* be clients that are inactive, but I still have to go through all of them to make sure. I know I’ve gone back there a number of times to find a folder for an active client because I wasn’t sure whose phone number was whose and I knew it would be in the record. 

---

I’ve been writing this post over the last two nights but I keep falling asleep while I’m writing. I did a lot more resin stuff last night, so I ended up going to bed pretty late. I wanted to finish up those keychains but I’m bad at gauging how much resin I’ll need for things so I ended up with a lot of random extra pours. I’m excited about a few of them; I poured a few into the new molds I made so I’m looking forward to seeing how those turn out. 

not really sure where I was going with this. not really sure where I’m going in general. I’m just going. trying to keep up with work, trying to remember doctor appointments. trying to keep the rats happy and as healthy as I can get them, trying not to let the cat get on my nerves too much. trying to do crafts. trying to remember to talk to people, but I don’t know. I feel lonely sometimes but since I’ve been working so much I kind of just want to be alone. I don’t have the energy for conversations a lot of the time. 

---

hm. maybe another post for therapy thoughts. I was asked to think about a few things.

[lacepaint08-blog]

Traveling with a Toddler: Travel Beds, Packing List, & Tips!

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Traveling with a toddler? Here are tips on traveling to Europe with toddlers, including toddler travel beds, packing lists, plane activities, and more! Affiliate links are included below.

When Alex and I decided to take our toddler son Larson on vacation to Europe, some people thought we were crazy! Heck, we felt like we were crazy. But with the guidance of friends who had traveled to Europe with toddlers, we were assured that yes, we could actually do it. As a friend of ours always says, traveling with kids is an adventure, not a vacation! A few days in and it actually did start to feel like a vacation! Incredible food, clear blue Mediterranean waters, and ancient ruins combined to make the most memorable adventure. Since we’ve returned, we’ve had many people ask, what are your tips for traveling with a toddler? Good news: we’ve got you covered! Here are all our secrets for the best toddler travel bed, plane activities, and more! For our full toddler packing list, skip to the very end.

Related: Travel Capsule Wardrobe: What to Pack for a Trip to Europe, How to Take Better Vacation Pictures

Our toddler travel bed fit right into half of this suitcase!

Did you use a toddler travel bed?

Yes, we did use a toddler travel bed! In fact, bringing a travel crib for a toddler is one of our top tips for traveling with toddlers! Since Larson was 17 months for our trip, we still did not feel comfortable with him sleeping on a cot or bed. Most of the places we stayed, all of them Airbnbs, were not equipped for toddler sleeping situations. But even more importantly, sleeping in the same toddler travel bed every night was crucial to Larson adapting to the travel. We stayed in many different cities, but each night at the end of the night Larson had the same bed! So by the third night of our three weeks, he was totally adjusted to that travel crib.

What toddler travel bed did we use? This Baby Bjorn Travel Crib Light. We actually bought ours used on Craigslist, which was a steal! We cannot recommend this crib enough: it’s super light, easy to assemble, and fits into half of a large suitcase. The luggage we used was this Samsonite Winfield 2 Hardside 28″ Luggage. It fit right into one side of the suitcase, which left the other half for Larson’s and our clothes and other items. The only other luggage we brought was this Samsonite Winfield 2 Hardside 24″ Luggage and it fit everything we needed for 3 weeks! I could even assemble the Baby Bjorn travel crib all by myself, which is saying something (I’m terrible even at putting together Pack N Plays!).

Larson’s car seat, complete with travel bag

What about a toddler car seat for travel?

Good question! We used Larson’s normal car seat, which is lightweight. The toddler car seat we have is the Evenflo Tribute LX. How it works when flying: you’re not charged extra for having a car seat with you. Make sure to buy a travel bag for the car seat; here’s our carseat bag. When you get to the gate, the flight attendant will provide separate checking tags for the car seat in the bag. Many times you’ll be able to bring it up to the gate and then they’ll check it there. In some countries, the airport had a special place for “bulky luggage” where we had to take it (the flight attendant will instruct you). In both cases, we typically picked up the car seat with our luggage on the luggage carousel.

Do taxis, Ubers, and car services takes toddlers with car seats? All of the Ubers and taxis that we used did take toddlers with car seats! It’s possible that some might not, so make sure to be up front about it when you order. One tip: Since many cars have a latch system for car seats and you may not have secured the car seat with a seatbelt before. Before you travel, make sure to practice putting in the car seat with a seatbelt if you’ve never done it!

For long trips we used our baby carrier, but for strolling we let him run! (Tellaro, Italy)

Did you bring a travel stroller or baby carrier?

For this trip, we ditched the stroller and decided to bring only a baby carrier! Our reasoning: streets in Europe can be rather bumpy and hard to navigate. Also, we didn’t want to have to worry about lugging a stroller around and storing it when we stopped at restaurants. For Alex and me, we preferred the free feeling of just using a baby carrier. Larson falls asleep easily in public in the baby carrier, but not as much in the stroller. However, there are some drawbacks of a baby carrier: it did get rather hot, especially in the summer! Carrying around 20 pounds for a while left huge sweat spots on the back of our shirts. Also, you can’t do anything sitting down when you have a sleeping toddler on your back! It was perfect for hiking and walking through museums with a sleeping toddler, but not so much for going to restaurants.

What baby carrier did we use? This LILLEbaby 3 in 1 CarryOn Toddler Carrier. Like our toddler travel bed, we cannot say enough about this baby carrier! It’s super comfortable and carries up to 60 pounds.

Do babies and toddlers under age 2 fly free overseas?

As you may know, babies and toddlers fly free in the United States if they’re under 2 years old. Score! For overseas travel, we assumed it was the same. Ooops! For overseas travel, the cost of babies and toddlers is up to the airline. On Delta (which we used), it cost 10% of the cost of an adult ticket for a lap child.

Don’t forget to pack swim diapers! (Tellaro, Italy)

Did you reserve a bassinet for flying overseas?

For overseas travel, most airlines have a baby bassinet in the bulkhead seats to give babies a place to sleep. A lot of people suggested this to us, but in the end we decided not to. By 17 months, Larson is pretty picky about where he sleeps, so weren’t sure he’d be into it. You do have to pay an upcharge to reserve the bulkhead seats (around $100), so we decided to have Larson “sleep” with us. Once we got on the plane and checked out the bassinet situation, we were glad we went this direction. However, we do recommend this tip if you’re flying with a baby! If Larson were less than 1 year old, this would have been a perfect solution.

Walking the streets of Rome!

How do you get babies or toddlers to sleep on a plane?

This is a topic of great debate. Many people swear by using Benadryl or melatonin to help toddlers sleep on planes. We weren’t sure what to think, so we asked Alex’s brother, who is a doctor. He cautioned that having a toddler take a drug on a plane for the first time was risky, since Larson had never taken either before. He also mentioned that Benadryl can make babies and toddlers drowsy, which can make it harder to adjust to a new time zone. So, we took the conservative approach to sleeping and did no medications.

So, did Larson sleep on the plane? Yes. Did he sleep as much as we hoped? No. Because Larson was 17 months old for the overseas flight, he was much more aware of his surroundings than on past flights when he was younger. Instead of sleeping, he wanted to explore the plane and chat with other passengers! When the cabin lights darkened for sleeping time, we put on his PJs, gave him the blanket and dog, and even turned on his sound machine at low volume. We tried putting him in our baby carrier hoping the security of the carrier would lull him to sleep. Unfortunately, it was a pretty rough transition because he just wanted to keep exploring!

Eventually, Larson slept about 3 hours of the 9 hour flight overseas. The up side to only sleeping 3 hours was that once we got to Italy, we had a full day and did naps as normal. Once it got to his bedtime, he was SO tired that he slept the entire night! And we did too. The next day, we were all on Italian time. So it actually worked in our favor!

Larson was enthralled by all the dogs and cats (Sibenik, Croatia)

Do you have toddler plane activities or plane toys for toddlers?

Yes! Here are some tips for toddler plane activities / plane toys that we found went over well:

Bring these National Geographic sticker books! They’re less than $7 each and hours of entertainment! Each book has over 1,000 stickers and literally endlessly entertained Larson. They’re also light and easy to pack. There are various different animal themes: we got 4 books and gradually gave him new ones to keep the novelty factor. We cannot recommend these enough for toddlers 16 months and above! Though we did end up with stickers all over us, it was worth it!

Use small snacks as an activity. Eating raisins or Cheerios can last for quite a long time!

Play hide and seek with a small object. Use a toy car or small animal to play hide and seek. We actually use a sunglasses case to “hide” things; it has a zipper that keeps him busy trying to open it. However, you can do this with just a toy too!

Use flashcard or drawing apps on your Smartphone or tablet. We used a few flashcard apps on our phone (we like one called First Animals). Larson loved swiping and hearing the animal sounds.

Read search and find books. Larson loves finding objects in books — and it was on a plane that we actually discovered he knew way more words than we realized! If your toddler gets bored, the airplane magazines in the seat pocket can be good too! We spent hours saying, “Where’s the man? Where’s the tree? Where’s the airplane” and having Larson point to the words.

Don’t bring too much! It’s easy to overpack, so we tried to bring just enough: sticker books, tablet, a few books, and a few small toys.

A meringue the size of his head! (Cartagena, Spain)

What toddler travel snacks did you bring?

The hard part about toddler travel snacks when you’re traveling for 3 weeks is that you have to buy many of them on the road! Here is what we tended to have onhand for travel snacks:

Larabars or energy bars: Larson loves them and they’re made with real food and minimally processed

Yogurt pouches: frozen for travel (this only works on the front end!)

Raisins

Cheerios

Bananas

Blueberries

Crackers / breadsticks

Also, Larson drinks quite a bit of milk. We brought along these Stainless steel cups and Silicone sippy lids, which were perfect for his milk. We bought new milk in each location.

A quick change at a rest stop (somewhere in Slovenia?)

Did you bring a diaper bag?

For this trip, we decided that we’d prefer not carrying a separate diaper bag in addition to our camera bag and my purse. So, we got a combination camera bag and backpack that we used as a diaper bag. This way, we didn’t have to lug along a fully separate diaper bag. This is of course up to your personal preference, but we enjoyed not having to keep track of yet another bag!

What combination camera / diaper bag did we use? The Minimalist from Atlas Supply. In everyday life, it functions as Alex’s camera bag.

How many diapers did you bring?

The hard part about traveling with a toddler is that so much of your luggage is taken up by diapers! For our 3 week trip to Europe, we brought enough diapers for about 2 weeks. This did take up quite a bit of space in our luggage! Looking back however, we recommend bringing enough diapers for about 1 week. Diapers and wipes were very easy to find in grocery stores in Italy, Croatia, and Spain, so we could have packed less than we did.

Even Larson was awed by the Sagrada Familia (Barcelona, Spain)

How do you help a toddler adjust to jet lag?

Good question! Luckily Larson adjusted very quickly to the new time zone, but of course it’s dependent on the toddler! As I mentioned above, Larson only slept 3 hours of the 9 hour flight overseas. This meant that when we arrived in the morning in Italy, he was running on pretty low sleep. We did naps as normal, and then put him to bed at his normal time of 7:00 pm. Because he was so tired, he ended up sleeping the entire night! This seemed to immediately adjust him to Italian time. Larson did wake up a few times crying early on in the evening the first 2 days in Italy, which we think was likely because he was adjusting to the new space. However, after a few days he got used to sleeping in the same travel crib every night and slept soundly.

On the way home, Larson slept about the same amount of time on the flight. However, since we returned home in the evening EST, he was then able to go to bed and sleep through the night since he was so tired again. On the returning side, it took several days for him to adjust back to EST, but he was never up in the middle of the night, lucky for us!

Exploring the streets of Frigiliana, Spain

What are the best toddler travel shoes?

For travelling for toddlers in the summer, we love these Toms canvas shoes. We got them in dark gray so they would hide the dirt, and they’ve held up very well! We also brought a backup pair just in case of an accident, but he didn’t end up needing them.

Speaking of backups: we suggest always taking a backup outfit with you in your diaper bag. There was one incident of car sickness and we only had one backup pair of shorts — so Larson ended up having to spend one day in a not so pleasant shirt. Our mistake!

Larson’s trusty Toms in action at La Alhambra (Granada, Spain)

How did you handle naps on vacation?

A big question we got around traveling with a toddler was schedule: how did you handle naps on vacation? On our trip to Europe (and today!), Larson takes one 2 to 3 hour nap in the middle of the day. So on vacation, we did the same thing! And Alex and I found we actually really loved being forced to take a siesta in the middle of the day. During nap time, Alex and I would have downtime and read, catch up on a little work or emails, and relax. It also kept us out of the hot midday sun. Then when Larson was awake, we’d go out adventuring again in the afternoon. Fun fact: This schedule also helps you take better pictures!

Golden hour = almost bedtime (Tellaro, Italy)

What was your bedtime routine?

One of the hard parts about traveling with a toddler is bedtime: once you put your toddler to bed, no more exploring for you! Rome with kids means no romantic pasta dinners for two, and Barcelona with kids has no room for midnight tapas. One of the ways that we worked around this when traveling is that in many of our destinations, we were traveling with other people. In Italy we were with Alex’s mom, brother, and sister in law, in Croatia we were with a dear friend and her husband, and in Barcelona we stayed with friends.  So, usually we were able to juggle having someone stay back with Larson, and the other person would have dinner companions. For 6 days we were by ourselves in Spain; for this timeframe we actually changed his bedtime to 9:00 pm so we could stay out later. Some nights we kept him up a little longer, other days we had a big midday meal and either cooked or had snacks at home.

For the bedtime routine, we tried to keep as many constants as possible. With our travel we had less time for bath time–but if we could, we’d try to do a bath or shower. Then we’d darken his room, turn on his sound machine (we have a great travel sound machine!), and put his dog and blanket in his bed. After reading a book, we’d put him in his toddler travel bed with his pacifier. By a few days into the trip, he went down very easily!

His adventurous spirit made it all worth it! (Cartagena, Spain)

Do you have a toddler packing list?

Yes! Here is our toddler packing list for 3 weeks in Europe in the summer, with links to the items mentioned above!

Travel

Evenflo Car seat

Car seat bag

LILLEbaby baby carrier

Samsonite Winfield 2 Hardside 28″ Luggage

Samsonite Winfield 2 Hardside 24″ Luggage 

Passport

Sleeping

Travel white noise sound machine 

Baby Bjorn Travel Crib

Lovies (he used a blanket and dog)

Pacifier

Hygiene

Baby bath soap

1 rubber ducky

Child nail clippers

Child Tylenol

Bandaids

Eating

Stainless steel cups and Silicone sippy lids

Water bottle

Snacks: Larabars

Paper towels

Toys

National Geographic sticker books

Search and Find Animal Friends book

2 or 3 other lightweight books

A handful of small toys

Tablet

Clothing (for a boy!): 

7 short sleeve shirts, 1 long sleeve (it was summer!)

1 full backup outfit for diaper bag

2 pants

3 shorts

2 pairs of these Toms

2 pajamas

Diapers

Handful of swim diapers

Swim suit

Want more packing lists? Here’s what I brought as my European Capsule Wardrobe.

About the Authors

Sonja Overhiser

Cookbook Author and writer

Sonja Overhiser is author and recipe developer of Pretty Simple Cooking, named one of the “best vegetarian cookbooks” by Epicurious, and a recipe developer and healthy & sustainable food advocate behind the award-nominated food blog A Couple Cooks.

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Alex Overhiser

Cookbook Author and photographer

Alex Overhiser is photographer and recipe developer of Pretty Simple Cooking, named one of the “best new cookbooks” by Bon Appetit, and a recipe developer, photographer, and technical expert at A Couple Cooks.

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We’re Sonja and Alex and we believe in Pretty Simple Cooking!

We’re a writer and photographer who love to cook. This website is a collection of the whole food vegetarian recipes we cook in our kitchen.

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Source: https://www.acouplecooks.com/traveling-with-toddler-travel-beds-packing-list-tips/

[theatreworksstkilda]

Cake Daddy in Belfast - Review

★★★★★ - Review by Shirley-Anne McMillan

I once appeared in a Daily Mail article because I am fat. No, I wasn’t one of the tragic headless fatties whose callipygian rears grace OBESITY CRISIS YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE AND YOUR CHILDREN WILL TOO public health announcements. It was a tiny reference in a long article (I was not named) and it happened because I told a journalist to eff off when she started to have a go at me and my fabulous fat friends because we refused to acknowledge the danger we posed to society by going around openly eating ice cream instead of flagellating ourselves with a stalk of limp celery for our fat sins. Cake Daddy is for anyone who is curious about binning the limp celery and the tabloid media approach to responsible behaviour.

Cake Daddy, starring Ross Anderson-Doherty, is a musical theatre/ quiz/ comedy/ interactive/ singing, dancing, eating sort of show. It played in Belfast as part of the Outburst Queer Arts Festival this year, and the storyline follows one man’s journey from successful Slimmer- to dangerously weight-obsessed ill person- to fat superhero. The play initially takes the format of a diet club called Cake Watchers which will be familiar to anyone who has ever participated in what I liked to call Fat Church (you go in, you pay, you weigh, and I love to say you nae-nae, but actually then you just sit down and cry because you gained two pounds because you ate too many bananas that week. This actually happened in one of the diet groups I attended. ‘Bananas,’ said the regretful lady next to me, ‘Are lethal’). At Cake Watchers, participants are encouraged to bolster their weightloss via meditations, inspirational group-singing and comparing forbidden treats to their least favourite politicians.

As someone who has dieted in various ways since they were a teenager, steadily gaining weight the entire time, I appreciated not only the humour in the first part of the show, but also the truth of it. Weightloss groups are so pervasive now that the raffle at my child’s primary school had a 6 week pass to the local Fat Church as one of the prizes. Everyone is doing it. But you will be hard pressed to find anyone who will openly say how ridiculous some of the rules are (eat unlimited pasta but count the calories in your avocados), or how shaming it is to queue for the toilets before you queue for the weigh-in in the hope of losing that extra little ounce. I’ve seen people strip off almost down to their underwear before they got on the scales. Honey, if you’re happy to do that in front of a bunch of strangers then why are you trying to change your body? Join a burlesque troupe instead. Much more fun.

Cake Daddy is the show that tells the truth about the nonsense, and it does it with laughter and stickers (stickers! My heart!) and audience-participation-singing. There was even a ‘here comes the science’ interlude, where Ross was joined on stage by the lovely Taylor-Jayne Tytler, referencing Linda’s Bacon’s research and the Health At Every Size movement, something which everyone who has ever been on the receiving end of the ‘I’m just worried about your health’ excuse for fat-shaming should check out.

One of the things I loved most about Cake Daddy was the middle section which was a little more serious. Ross is a phenomenal singer and everyone should hear him live at least once if they can. We’re spoilt in Belfast to be able to see him often but if he’s touring in your town then please go- you will be glad you did. For an audience to move from laughter to tears and back to laughter again is a pretty intense journey in the space of just over an hour. But it’s a wonderful intensity, and there is cake, which there always should be when emotions are high.

Five out of five cupcakes! A beautiful, vulnerable, hilarious, queer, fat-positive, visual and literal feast of a performance. With stickers.

If you’re in Australia you can see Cake Daddy from 3-10th February 2019 at the Midsumma festival and at Sydney Mardi Gras: Feb 16 – 22.

Book now for Theatre Works // http://bit.ly/TWcake

[thecheeverfillesseniorthesis]

The Cheever Files The Cheever Files Adventures of a Senior Thesis.  Secondary blog of @midlife-stoodent.

D-1

Had to jump the count a few days because my Senior thesis is due TODAY.  I had the due date in my planner as Sunday.  

I am nearly finished with it.  I turned in my thesis and subclaims into my prof via email, then when I got started, I used the same and wrote out my own words beneath my subclaims (I changed their type to BOLD to keep them separate).  It worked!  I am able to maintain an outline!  I tend to scatter ideas…

I am not asking for an extension.  I have asked for them all term and I simply need to get this done.  I am 10 pages in, I have three sublaims left to do, and it’s not due until 11:59PM tonight.

THIS WILL HAPPEN.

I work best when dealing with absolute fear.  Don’t follow my example.   #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 5 notes

D-5

The struggle is very real.  Still receiving instruction from my prof on my thesis.

At least my tense is correct.

BTW, I work better under pressure.  Spending an entire term on a paper has yet to work for me.

LISTENING TO:  Our Lady Peace #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 3 notes

D-7.  Senior Thesis is due this week. Thankfully I am off of work, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

My digital project is completed (first picture) and that has been uploaded.  I am still (yes, still) working on my thesis and subclaims.  I emailed a correction back to my prof this afternoon, once I hone my thesis she will get to my subclaims.

Tomorrow I have to drop off my paperwork for my Service Learning, and take the TB test.  I don’t know if all of this is going to get done before the end of the term, but that professor has given us an option if we weren’t able to solidify our service learning before the term ended.  

I think 60 coffee pods should last me until the end of the week?  Last term I went through 80 in a week and a half, and this term is way harder.  I may need more… #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#Seniorthesis#starbucks 3 notes

D-15.  Rough Draft final draft, if that makes sense.  I am truly blessed to have an amazing advisor/professor who gave us an extension (read: mercy) to turn it in for our rough draft workshop.  I have until 6AM tomorrow morning to get this uploaded. **weeps with gratefulness**

Did I ever mention the size of my Senior Thesis class?  There’s myself, and two other ladies.  One of the many benefits of attending a small, private university.

I admit, I did the usual “check-out” in the middle of the term, where I was watching You Tube videos instead of writing.  Then today, when the module for Week 8 comes out, we get the admonishment to not check out.  

I am reeling myself back in.  

Sumikko guroshi page flags for for ultimate win!

LISTENING TO:  The Cure Disintegration #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis#sumikkoguroshi#obviouslyilovemycoffee 4 notes

D-18

Rough draft time.  Have my most excellent feedback from my professor to help, as well as my own lightbulb moment.  All I need now is the time to get it written.  She did extend the due date for us, which I absolutely love because our drafts go into a workshop for final editing.  

I miscalculated my vacation time from work, it’s next week, and I should have asked for this week, or even the rest of the month off.

Oh well.  It will get done.

LISTENING TO:  Morrissey’s Viva Hate #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 1 note

D-25.  25 days left to go.

Along with my essay, I also have to complete a digital assignment as part of my grade to add to my portfolio.  Ovid’s Metamorphoses arrived via Amazon Student Prime today.  Yes, Ovid + Cheever=Digital Project.  It’s going to be awesome.

Still trying to raise my thesis from the bowels of hell.  I was going to discuss the agency of the various rooms used in “A Country Husband” but I realized I needed to narrow that focus, so I am doing the agency of living rooms in the text.  Of course, it throws my rough draft right out the window…

I love my Starbucks cup. #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis#metamorphoses#starbucks#seemyfilofax? 7 notes

My First Draft is turned in, a minute past my self-imposed deadline of 5AM. I am so thankful my boss let me leave work two hours early so I could go home, nap, and finish this madness.  I am not good at first drafts…a final copy I can do, but first drafts?  My mind is still a jumble of thoughts and quotes.

After I uploaded my draft, I found an article on John Cheever that said he isn’t taught in schools anymore, if he ever really was.  I find that to be a big old shame because the man is brilliant.  Needless to say, even though I had already turned in my draft, I am now determined to make my paper a testament to his literary greatness.  The man should be taught in schools, students are really missing out.

I am going to sleep the sleep of a student who has been burning the candle at both ends, what with full-time work and three classes to deal with.   #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 1 note

Literary TheoryLiterary Theory Senior ThesisLiterary TheorySenior Thesis 4/22/16:  Over the course of my academic career (so far, it’s only been what, two years?) I have learned working with a printout of a text is much easier for annotating than with a book.  I have absolutely no shame in destroying a book in the name of essay writing, but there is less guilt with using a printout.  This is my copy of “A Country Husband”, the first and second pages.  Yeah, I use Midori stickers to mark important transitions within the text.

I have also learned to SAVE. MY. NOTES from previous classes.  Last term, I took Literary Theory, and I need to apply a theoretical lens to my thesis.  It is times like these I am glad I am so anal about my notes, as my notebook from Lit Theory is divided by the different theories.  

The rough draft is due next week, already I have the very familiar pangs of self-doubt.  Maybe I am placing too much pressure on myself, but this paper is a reflection of me and my scholarship.  In no way do I want to come off as pedestrian, but that is my largest fear moving forward. #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 2 notes

Senior Thesis, Week 4:  Way back when I took Literary Analysis (from the same professor) I kept all of the writing “hacks” she gave us.  I printed them all up and tucked them away into a file folder.  Turns out she’s using them for this class as well.  Don’t know if the drawing belongs to her, but it still makes me laugh.  Funny, two years ago when I took Literary Analysis I was very self-conscious of my essay-writing.  Now it doesn’t phase me at all.  

I am reading Cheever’s “Letters”…the man is hilarious, dark and so right-on with his discriptions of humanity.  There’s an entire section entitled “The Suburbs”, from when he moved his family out of the city to upstate NY.  The passage I highlighted tickles me, but I have to wonder:  how often do we look at the belongings of others to remind us of who we are and where we came from?

My schedule for the upcoming week.  My days off are Thursday and Friday, so I begin the fresh week there.  Today (Monday) I register for Summer.  I have to be at work by 230PM and other than continuing my Cheever reading I have my two other classes.  

WRITE EVERY DAY.  

Our rough draft is due next week, so this is our instruction. #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspp#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 7 notes

Got my Prospectus/Annotated Bibliography done, several hours before I was scheduled to turn it in, so that’s over.

This week we will be working on our Digital Project/Digital Presence, so we get a break from writing.  Doesn’t mean the fun stops, I still have two other classes to maintain.  Above is my weekly calendar, I use it as well as my Ardium Academic planner.  My “weekend” is on Thursday/Friday, which is why the dates are wonky.

As for Digital Presence, I really am not worried about it.  I cleaned up my social media when I was accepted to uni because I knew there would be a time where I had to do the exact same thing, so I just wiped a whole bunch of accounts.   #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studysop#spring2016#ELNM#Seniorthesis 3 notes

Prospectus and Annotated Bibliography Work:

This is the current time.  Not too bad, as I don’t get home from work until after 11PM, but my eyes are getting tired.  I’m indulging in a large mug of black tea, having consumed enough coffee over the course of the day to sink a ship.

I have spent this past week reading and researching.  I carry a book or an article with me at all times, because you never know when you are going to have a moment to catch up on some reading.  I had a few minutes while at the gas station the other day, so I read a few paragraphs.  

You do what you have to do to get it done.  :)

My beat up Writer’s Reference book, a university requirement.  

No, I don’t have to work tomorrow (sarcasm).

I have my annotations completed, but I need to edit them to make sure all of the commas are in the right place.  I am almost finished with the prospectus part.

I did, however, make sure Word was functional on my iPad and the entire project was accessible.  WIN.  Now I can finish this up at work tomorrow.

It’s due at 11:59 Monday night.   #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis 21 notes

Day 2:  Well, technically I am still running on the original post, but in reality we have passed midnight.  Welcome to 2:15AM.

Week 2 is the Prospectus and Annotated Bibliography portion of Senior Thesis.  I took notes of the instructions and WON on three academic sources.  I need 5 total, including the original text.  I could hug my WR 323 instructor right now, because I have become a master of Google Scholar and our library’s online search engine.  

I leave this post with a picture of my stapler.  This little honey has the capacity of stapling 40 pages at once, and for someone who simply cannot read and retain electronically, this has been a great investment.  Oh, and all of the printer ink and paper I stocked up on last term.   #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#LIT498#spring2016#ELNM#seniorthesis

Day 1:  Amazon Student Prime and Sunday delivery for the win.  My books came today! I never had a book for “A Country Husband”, all I ever had was a .pdf.  I will say, annotating on a copy is a lot easier than in a book.  So, I printed out another.  

The term just began a week ago, and for that first week we had to turn in an annotated page from two papers we have written during our academic career here at Marylhurst.  “Desireè’s Baby” by Chopin was my other choice, but I was sold on Cheever from the beginning. #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#LIT498#seniorthesis#ELNM 2 notes A Digital Accounting of my Adventures with my Senior Thesis. @midlife-stoodent here.  I am an English Literature and New Media major, and welcome to my Senior Thesis studyblr.  Check out my main blog for more studyblr goodness.

I decided to chronicle my path of the Senior Thesis to create a digital footprint of the process.  Obviously, my Thesis is on John Cheever, his short story “The Country Husband” to be exact.  I chose Cheever because his stories about the middle class intrigue me.  

So!  Lets get this started!  I will be following the usual #studyblr format. #thecheeverfiles#studyblr#studyspo#spring2016#LIT498#seniorthesis#ELNM 1 note

[andreafestefano]

My Design Dash room reveal!

Wow what a wonderful weekend! I hope yours was lovely as well! The weather and company were both perfect -- it was awesome. Things are slowing waaaay down this week after a very busy few weeks and I'm so thankful. Just some end of the year school stuff and our normal commitments. Which means I can get back to the bathroom makeover! 

So I've been SO excited to share this experience with you! A few weeks ago I traveled to High Point, NC to attend the Lazboy Design Dash. Friends of mine had done it in the past and said it was a bit stressful at times but totally worth it. I am not a person that thrives on deadlines or competition so I was a little worried about attending. AND as you know it takes me eons to finish a room so I was questioning whether or not I could pull a respectable space together in just a few hours. 

This is how it goes -- they select a group of bloggers (I think we had seven) and we each designed a Lazboy sofa to go in our room. We had no idea what the room would look like but they encouraged us to go with color. The only colors I would do on a sofa personally are navy or gray, so I went with the former: 

I have to tell you -- I was so incredibly impressed with this store. The designer on staff helped me pick out the sofa, fabrics and details. She was so patient with me and I LOVED that as I added each detail she could show me on a huge TV screen exactly what it would look like. I miss the larger shot of the sofa but this gives you an idea: 

So if I changed a detail it would immediately change on the screen. It was so helpful to be able to see it in "real life." 

Our sofas were built for us and shipped to High Point where they waited. The only other detail than the sofa that I knew about was the paint color. I picked Agreeable Gray by Sherwin Williams and it turned out even better than I could have hoped! 

On the first day we did the "dash" through two stories of the Lazboy showroom. We had carts and stickers with our names and two helpers who were with us the whole time. We only had one hour to grab anything and everything we thought we'd need. Keep in mind we still had absolutely no idea what our room would look like! We didn't know the size, any architectural details -- it was difficult to decide on items and had to just grab anything we liked. 

We had 50 stickers each. So if someone tagged something before you did, it was taken. I should have prepared myself better and had a list of things I needed. It was 30 minutes in before I realized I needed a rug. Literally EVERY single one I like was tagged already and I was panicking a bit. I was so close to just going without one when I finally saw one I really loved back in a corner. 

I forgot about pillows too -- I designed some with the sofa but I needed other options and some for chairs as well. That was another item that was hard to find at the end but I ended up finding some great ones I used. 

My helpers were so awesome -- when the cart got full they would run my stuff back to the holding room and then come back out to help again. Thankfully one of them mentioned I would need more artwork -- I'm so glad she said that! I felt bad that I tagged so much furniture and large art (I hated that they'd have to move so much for all of us and we wouldn't even use half of it), but I just had to get over it. When you don't have any idea what the room looks like you have to over compensate big time. 

The next day was the design part of the event. We were taken to a huge warehouse where they have a number of fake rooms set up. Not even the Lazboy staff with us knew what room we were going to get. We walked down the hall and literally every. single. room was stunning. I'm not kidding! Gorgeous 10 foot windows and doors with ornate trim, beautiful wainscoting, tons of windows, built in bookcases and fireplaces. One even had a dutch door - adorable! 

And we came to mine...I freaked out just a bit. It had two normal windows and a "hallway" -- I wondered how in the world I was going to match the beauty of the other rooms. Thankfully I won a draw for an added accent wall or fireplace -- they had one traditional fireplace and I grabbed that thing up quick! 

Here's my room to start -- imagine it without the fireplace though: 

Just wait till you see the other rooms! I mean, I was nervous. 😬

BUT I immediately knew how I was going to set up the room, so that was good! I had a good feeling about it once that fireplace went in. 

One thing that surprised me about this process was how much gorgeous furniture -- other than sofas and chairs -- Lazboy sells. I was shocked at the sofa table, coffee table and bookcase options. I found so many bookcases I would add in our house in a heartbeat if we had the room! (Still trying to figure out if I could add one somewhere.)

I was surprised at how much I enjoyed putting the room together. I think it was so enjoyable because I was working with tons of awesome stuff and I didn't have to DIY one thing. ;) It was so fun to just bring the stuff into the room and fluff until it looked just right. We had photographers that set up our shot and we were able to look at it live through the lens to see what we wanted to tweak. 

I don't think I could have been happier with my space! I would literally take the whole room and drop it into our home and it would fit in perfectly. I'm happy that I was able to stay true to my style.

Here are a few close ups of the room: 

All of the accessories (except for books and smaller random items from the massive prop room) are Lazboy. Did you know they sold accessories and lamps? I didn't! 

 Here's another look at my room after I "won" the fireplace:

And here's my completed room. I just adore it: 

As I do in our home -- I focused on not overdoing it. I wanted the room to have space to breath so you can appreciate each piece. It feels comfy but elegant at the same time. Just my style. 

I'll share more of the details below! If you are so inclined, I'd love your vote for my room here. I'll explain more about that in a bit! Here's a fun video they created of me and my room you can watch as well:

I love how the whole thing came together and I ended up really liking my little hallway. It added some great dimension to the room. 

Isn't that sofa gorgeous? I added the brass nailhead trim and it was the perfect little detail: 

Love it with the metallic lamp I happened to find -- I want that in my house. And the coffee tables. And rug. Everything. 

Here are a few more shots I took of the room: 

This arched bookcase was stunning -- I was so sad I couldn't work it into the shot. But glad too because I didn't grab enough accessories to fill it with! ;)

I didn't realize we could use drapes until they were mostly gone. Thankfully this window above didn't fit into the shot because there was only one pair of panels left. :) 

I am SO thankful I got that fireplace! It added some architectural detail that the room needed. AND I'm glad I grabbed that massive clock at the showroom: 

Here are the details about the sofa/room: 

Sofa name: Talbot 

Sofa fabric: Canyon in Eclipse 

Wall color: Agreeable gray by Sherwin Williams

You can see the chairs and more items here

But LISTEN! This is the best part! This is a competition for the bloggers -- and I HATE to beg for votes for these things. I mean, hate. But, if you vote, one voter will win $15,000 in Lazboy furniture. So if you want some free furniture you can vote once a day to be entered. 

The voting will go for the next six weeks and you can vote for my room here. If one of my readers wins I will lose it! 😊😊 Please make it be one of you! :) :) 

I get to work with some amazing brands and take some awesome trips and this was a favorite. They treated us like gold and the whole event was so well planned and executed. I am a forever fan after this experience. And I just love my room so much. I wish I could plop it right into our house! With a ceiling of course: 

I would love your vote if you have a few minutes! :) But more importantly, I'm just so happy with what I was able to pull together in such a short time. It was such a great experience! 

My trip to NC was paid for by Lazboy but I have not been compensated for this post and was not required to post. I was so impressed with the experience I wanted to share it with you all! See more about my disclosure and policies here. 

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