#I’m so fucking sick rn so I’m happy to have a day to do nothing and binge <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[thelovelybitten]

vera's first watch of south park - season 2 (part 2)

apparently tumblr has a character limit so lol here's part 2 of my watch of season 2

EPISODE 8:

Last day of skewl !!!!

They just want fireworks :’(

AYO WENDY PLAYS CLARINET SHE JUST LIKE ME FR

Cartman on French horn !!

Stan, Kenny & Kyle play violin that’s cute !! Will note

They all WEAR SUITS NSGNKNGS SO CUTE

Chef get them fr

EPISODE 9:

Film festival episode !! This is exciting

Wendy popping off at Cartman as usual, she just never misses

Oh so stendy broke up??? Depression

“She’s NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” Do u want me dead? Yes

Stan get back with Wendy challenge ? Pls i need y’all together

“If she holds his hand in the theatre it will be all over for him” Kyle has never spoke more real words

STENDY MOVIE SCENES <3 LFG

Stan scarred w lesbians whoops

Stan slowly becomes an ally, as previously stated in my s1 post, i will make sure that is so >:(

KYLE SINGING ON THE TOILET KBSBGBDBD

Okay alr the cartman ass screen joke was funny ok i laughed

Not them looking for mr Hankey BYE

AVERAGE CARTMAN TAKING CLOUT…

Stendy back at the movies AAAAAAA

AWWW HE GRABBED HER TISSUE THAT’S SWEET OF STAN <3333

So ur telling me Kyle had a piece of shit in his mouth and there’s photo evidence??? NOT COOL

Style “I’m here for u” ugh they’re besties fr fr

Wendy asks stan to see a movie and immediately abandons Kyle HE’S WHIPPED

But also how dare u Stanley KYLE NEEDED U

OH MY GOD. JWGJBSDBGKJDSBKJSDB STAN IS TRYING TO HOLD HER HAND DURING THE MOVIEEDDJVFJKJKNFV KFV

WaIT IS THAT WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO DO THE WHOLE TIME? HOLD HER HAND?!?!?!?!?!?

I’M mentally unwell

No bc end me I’m CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP

HE TRIES TWICE ????F?E?G?G?F no bc that’s so fucking cute

No bc it’s Stanley “she’s not my girlfriend” marsh to Stanley “this girl is so cute i wanna hold her hand” marsh

OMG SHE GRABS HIS HAND AND THYE HOLD HANDS GFJGDFJKNDFGJKFJKDFVJNK. STOPP IT RN

AAAAA THEY ARE JUST <3333333333333

And… stan vomits, per usual lol

They still hold hands stop it

Wendy: i think I’ve seen this film before but instead she loves the ending <3

God y’all i just love stendy so much

Kyle & Stan friendship secured so sweet

Literally wtf i will never understand the talking piece of shit sorry Kyle

Wendy apologizing to stan abt taking him to the films when I KNOW DEEP DOWN MY SON WAS THRIVING BEING ALONE WITH WENDY

He forgives her wbk wbk

Ain’t no back talk on my ship u fools

THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS AGAIN FDGJKNFDKJNFDGKJFDG pls tell me they’re dating again i need them

Oh my god stendy saved this episode thank you

EPISODE 10:

SO WE STARTING THIS with stan’s mom and sister at the hospital oh i know this gonna b weird

NO NOT CHICKEN POX

Omg stan ur gonna get THE POX FEJNCCKEN

Stan and Kyle’s families are so close !!

Oh and liane <3

DON’T DRAG KENNY YOU DINGOS

“IN THE GHETTOOOOOO” omg the TikTok meme is here SLAY i loved this one haha

EGGO WAFFLES FOR DIN ??? ME TOO BABE

Cartman SHUT UR MOUTH

Oh god Kenny’s family is so chaotic i hate it they deserved better

Kyle and stan have matching sleeping bags AWWWWW

Kenny can’t afford normal dinner food but can clap the lights off???? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

OFC THEY ALL GET THE POX

GODS AND CLODS ??? LMAO

lol not Sheila making Kyle get the pox bc he’s the golden child that won’t get sick

OMG KYLE IS THE ONLT HEALTHY PERSON LEFT

So i remembered that stan hates hospitals and i can’t imagine what’s going thru his head right now besides being pissed abt hw

THEY JUST STORM INTO HIS BATHROOM WHILE HES NAKEY

KYLE’S PAPER HAHA

I’m actually cackling AT THIS SEQUENCE VNVNKJSDNKJV

NOOOOO NOT KYLE

EPISODE 11:

Garrison RELAX

Cartman is perfect for the cheesy poofs comm

Creepy girl….

Omg this poor deranged kiddo :(

FOOTLOOSE a BOP

KYLE ATE THAT HAIKU

ALSO KENNY !!!! SLAY

Kyle is eating these haikus ugh as he should

HYPNOSIS.

Eric kinda popped off

Mackey OMG U DID NOT

My throat hurts >:(

Haha CHEESY POOF

Eric’s one second of fame— relatable

The one time Eric slayed werk

EPISODE 12:

Okay ngl, if this is the episode i think it is, imma pass away

I’ve seen clips on TikTok ok

Omg THE KIDS PLAYING MILITARY OMG CDSNJDIJ

Kenny PLS JNCJDNJKNS

WENDY AND BEBE

“Kyle, doesn’t bebe look pretty today?” Omg it’s KYBE TIME

It’s the way i stan stendy, style, kybe, bendy and stendyle all at once I AM WINNINGGGG

Stendy walks away from Kyle and bebe omg omg

KYLE PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND HIS BACK U KNOW BEBE A STUNNER SHE’S A DAME

Wendy the nations’ KYBE leader, stan the second in command

Stan: no

TRUTH OR DARE LOL

BEBE.

All bebe sees is cake. That’s it. Kyle’s cake. Living, breathing legend.

Wendy setting them up AW

Stan: WE NEED TO MAKE A CLUB HOUSE STAT

Kyle: ?!?!?!?!?

Rare Cartman & Kenny duo things

SHARON MOTHER RELAX

OMG BEBE PASSING A NOTE FDSKBFSDKJGB

DSKJBDSGKJBSGBDKSDK STYLE CONTENT LMAOOOO

But AYO bebe really likes Kyle’s booTAY

The PARENTS ARE FIGHTINNN

Bebe: AYO Kyle LET’S SEE THAT ASSSSS

Kyle: aight?

“I WANNA BE DARED TO KISS HER” STAN OMG DSJNFDSJBGSKD i love stendy crumbs YES

What THE FUCK NOT SHARON & RANDY DIVORCING FSBJKSGDJKGDSDKBJ NO

WHO THE FUCK IS ROY

Get the FUCK OUTTA HERE BRO

Stan was too stunned to speak

Wtf is HAPPENING ?!?!?! Poor Stanley

Stan preaching to the CHOIR

TRUTH OR DARE

The boys are SHAKING

Wendy slayed okay Kyle PUCKER UP

I HC WHEN THEY OLDER THAT BEBE IS A GOOD KISSER and tbh so is Kyle but the first few times Kyle is all tongue and no lip— nasty bro

Kyle will never take a chance to let cartman win that’s just fact

AAAA KYBE

Kyle: AAA

Omg dude it’s ur first kiss relax

“Fucking sickening” but make it with the rupaul YASSIFICATION

Stan: looks intensely at Wendy’s lips

OLDER!HC: stan is like. addicted to Wendy’s lips. All he wants to do is show his affection ALL THE TIME but is also shy abt it??? LMAO

Stan: Dare RIZZ

ROY FUCK OFF

GOD DAMMIT ROY U FUCKED IT UP

Omg kybe okay please let this be good

BEBE GIRL Y’ALL WEREN’T EVEN DATING

LMAOOONSDFNSD

Kyle is flabbergasted

OFC she hooks up with Clyde right after BRUH

But i also like Clybe so it’s okay

Omg STAN NOT THE BEAR TRAP DON’T GET HIM IN THE BEAR TRAP

Alas, OFC Sharon and randy stay strong go get ur dick girl

“CLUBHOUSES ARE MAGICAL” —stan marsh, as his parents are fucking in the clubhouse he built

EXCUSE ME BEBE WHAT THE FUCK

I hope he didn’t do it omg

EPISODE 13:

What the hell

Kyle beating cartman is my favourite

“THESE ARE MY FUCKING FOOD STAMPS, HOW AM I GONNA EAT WITHOUT THESE FOOD STAMPS?” — KENNY MCCORMICK

Kyle threatening Cartman so true bestie

Oh god this is gonna fucking suck

Cartman being flung OUCH

WHEN CARTMAN HITS THE SNOW AAA

excuse me? not the prostitute

this is bad broken vietnamese UGH

CARTMAN.

kenny robbed

stan and kyle playing with the dolls is so wholesome <3

EPISODE 14:

why didn't I know kyle's dad was a lawyer? interesting

little german dance

WAIT STENDY IS DATING AGAIN DFSJBGSBJKGSDKBJ

"hey, elton, if I give you these lyrics, will you write a song for my GIRLFRIEND wendy?"

DEAD

he wants to gift her a song NO ONE SPEAK TO ME

not me actually tearing up irl THIS IS EMBARASSING

but no fr stan is WHIPPED I love that for him

chef hoeing out with kyle's mom??? huh

NOT MISS CRAB TREE. chef rly do be desperate

Mr mackey crowd surfing ended me LMAOO

elton SINGING THE SONG STAN WANTED HIM TO WRITE FOR WENDY :')

WENDY LOOKING AT STAN ugh the fluff they exude

CHEWBACCA

EPISODE 15:

UGH THIS BORDER MAKES ME WANNA FIGHT A BITCH

uhm... this is sus cartman

oh this is a Halloween ep cool

oh WAIT I'VE SEEN THIS ONE ON TIKTOK TOO

creepy murder fish

"hella"

god my paranoia could NEVER

POOR KENNY HIS ROOF IS LEAKY :(

JESUS christ that goldfish scares me

NOT KILL

not the slap from shelly oml HAHA

stan- OMG NOT THE DEAD PERSON

"mommy's little angel" correct, my son is babie

not the SQUASH DFSKJBDSKBDSKB

cartman on some shit rn omg

WHAT THE FUCK TWO CARTMANS

cartman using aunt flo as a massage chair cackles a lil

sharon not giving a single fuck about randy's accusations

oh no not stan and kyle's alts

EPISODE 16:

stan gets told not to go: goes anyway

kenny riding shotgun and not giving a RAT'S ASS until money is thrown

god i'd die if I had to listen to singing for 6 hours

liane is just. so cool ok

kyle: AAAA

EYE- stan that's not cool bad noodle

EW I FEEL BACK FOR KYLE

kenny hoarding food HA

charles: how would u like to come with me to another secluded part of the mall?

kenny: ok

don't mess w kyle brofloski period

kyle: still mad abt mr.hankey

they all getting shot at but kyle has PRIORITIES

SHARON LMFNNKSDFB GET HIM

stan: sorry

HAHAHAH

EPISODE 17:

TWEEEKKKKKK OMG HIS FIRST APPEARANCE AND LINES <3

my deranged son <3 ily tweek

omg tweek's family runs a coffee shop <3 so cute

tweek he's so cute with his little gnome story

oh shit 8 year olds w coffee

THIS IS GONNA BE PSYCHO

OH GOD LMAOOO

Cartman sleeping in his puke yikes

oh he has ADD :'( little bean

Cartman slayed this time haha

Working w the underwear gnomes haha

Side not: my cats are finally sleeping on the same bed and not killing each other <3

OMG Y’ALL HAHAHAHA

EPISODE 18: (SEASON FINALE)

Is this an impersonation of Owen Wilson ??? LMAO

KyLE Y’ALL ARE 8 NO

The WAY STAN CIRCLES DOWN INTO THE CAVE DSJNFJKSDNG HE’S SO CUTE

And there’s the vomit

I’m starting to wonder if Stan has bad motion sickness or he just has a shit immune system

Cartman referencing my favourite movie of all time??? That was iconic of him. grease is MY FAVOURITE MOVIE <333333333

Style fighting >:(

Cartman so true abt style fighting

1999 ??? My birth year??? Epic

“ASSMASTER”

NO OH MY GOD STYLE Y’ALL ARE IN YOUR DIVORCE ERA

Nah bc they are such good friends they better get back together at the end of the episode

When Kyle doesn’t finish Stan’s line abt Kenny… u KNOW THEY FIGHTINGG

THE girlies ARE FIGHTING THEY IN THEIR WWE ARC

Larry u tell ‘em

Overall, season 2 better than season 1, 8/10

[xxsunoosprincess]

Hi! How are you doing? I love your writing btw, you’re definitely one of my favourite writers 🙈

I don’t know if anyone has asked this yet, but enha legal line + aftercare?? What they’d do, how they’d act kind of thing? Maybe even how they’d like to be taken care of? It’s perfectly okay if you don’t want to do this 🤗

hi hi!! I’m a little sick rn but doing good because I’m finally done with school >:3 also u make me blush sweet anon… I’m glad my stuff makes you happy!! sorry it took a minute to get around to this but I’m indulging in some softer stuff while I sniffle away in bed :,) thanks for the request!!

Enhypen and Aftercare (OT6)

pairings: Enhypen legal line x reader

warnings: 18+, minors dni, mentions of sex but not pure smut, fem bodied!reader

Heeseung

His face contorts into an expression halfway between pain and pleasure as he slow lying inches his sensitive length out of you, a breathless “hahh” escaping him as he shivers, collapsing onto you. It pulls an unexpected grunt out of you, followed by a series of giggles as he borrows into your neck, huffs of hot air tickling your sensitive skin.

“What the fuck” he whines out. You feel his hands squeeze your hips “your pussy is crazy”. The seriousness in his voice has you caught between a belly laugh and a faux scandalized gasp, swatting his ass gently as you scold him for such crude words. “I’m serious! You. Your body. You’re just perfect…” small pecks between each word, sleepy yawns, and a dopey heeseung clinging to you like a koala. Has fallen into the routine of fucking you before bed, claims it’s “the only way I can sleep now. Need you so bad”, and it might just be true because you can already feel the gentle vibrations of his snores against your collarbone.

Jay

Don’t play rn Jay is literally the embodiment of doting aftercare. The routine is locked and mf loaded. After he bullies your cunt until it’s sore and you are sure you can’t walk, this pillow talk starts. This part is just as much for you as it is for him, because he doesn’t think he could walk right now either. Promises of a future together, a catch-up on how your days have been, chats about if you liked the newest thing he introduced to your romp in the sheets. Just hearing your sweet voice cut through the quiet of night is enough to reground him (plus, he really does care about what you have to say).

I think he’s a little lazy with clean up, keeps a pack of wet wipes at the bedside table to give you both a once over, makes a half-promise to shower with you in the morning, and then rolls over to spoon you, peppering light kisses down your neck as your naked bodies intertwine to watch an episode of your guys’ favorite tv show. To Jay, aftercare is just as intimate as the actual sex. Unintentionally romantic in every way.

Jake

He’s the one that needs the most extensive aftercare, and come on, doesn’t he deserve it? He will eat you out for hours until you are kicking and squealing and prying him away by his hair. He will fuck into you from behind like it’s his sole purpose on his earth. And when all is said and done, he can hardly talk, slipping between English and Korean as he mumbles out a mix of curses and “so good, princess, so good”.

We wants you to play with his hair, curling up into your chest and peppering light kisses across your skin. He won’t admit how his heart skips a beat when you coo out a soft “good boy” to him, instead, he playfully bites you in retaliation. He won’t say anything about it, though. He loves the extra soft treatment, it’s like a reward for pushing himself to his limits to make you feel good.

Sunghoon

He’s such an angel. He’s sweeping you up in his arms to carry you to the bathroom. It doesn’t matter how big you are, he insists on carrying you because you are his baby (“you know, I don’t lift all those weights for nothing” cue the cheesy flexing). Lets you soak in the shower for a bit while he changes the sheets and prepares pajamas for you. Big believer in actions speak louder than words.

“Was I too rough on you today?” he pouts, slipping into the shower after finishing his post-coital rounds and eyeing the redness that has stuck around on the meat of your ass. No amount of reassurance of you liking it will erase the worried expression, eyebrows drawn together and lips pressed into a thin line. The only thing that makes him stop, makes him burst out into laughter and splash water at you, is the promise you make to spank him next time around.

Sunoo

I’m sorry but he is definitely crying afterwards. Y’all know I’m not on the babygirl Sunoo agenda all the time, but this is something I’m absolutely positive about. He’s just so overwhelmed with emotion, so happy that you trust him to see you in such a vulnerable state, so happy to be with you, so in love with you, the tears are forming in his eyes the moment he watches you reach your finish underneath him. “My pretty girl” sniffle sniffle “you’re so- fuck- so gorgeous”. Doesn’t matter how long you have been together, there is about a 50% chance of tears every time you guys fuck.

He tends to get embarrassed about crying like that so please give him lots of reassurance :(. Gets a little shy and whiny at vocalized praise, but loves gentle back rubs and showers together. Let him wash and dry you, he likes to feel like he is taking care of you just as much as you take care of him <3.

Jungwon

I’m sorry he’s so silly and sweet after. Needs to make you laugh after an intense moment. Eases his mind to see you so happy after being so vulnerable (firm believer in the wonie softie agenda). Still naked as the day he was born as he playfully wrestles with you in the sheets. He’s right next to your ear, letting our exaggerated high-pitches moans and squeals of “wonnie harder!”. He giggles at your indignant protests, reassuring you that he loves how you can’t get enough of your “very hot and sexy boyfriend”.

He seems like the type that needs to be constantly moving, fetching you towels and water and hand feeding you snacks. “Anything for you, babycakes”. Cheesy ass grin while calling you corny pet names in a teasing voice, dodging the pillow you launch his way.

END.

a/n: reminder that requests are open. I have some to work through and might not do all requests I get, but I love hearing from y’all :3 also this isn’t proofread, just like every thing else 😭 xx - princess

[so-long-soldier-writes]

Bloodlust

kai parker x reader

part of you knew it was wishful thinking to believe vampires couldn't sense period blood. your heretic best friend proves that true when he comes over to see you. in fact, to him, it smells even sweeter than the blood you normally offer, and he practically begs you for a taste. (heretic!kai) (virgin!kai)

tags: period sex, oral sex, blood drinking, blood sharing, loss of virginity

word count: ~3.5k

As soon as you get back from the bathroom, your phone gets a new message. Checking it, you see it’s your best friend. 

Kai: hi princess, are you free tonight? i miss you. movie night?

You bite your lip, fighting the urge to say ‘yes’. The two of you haven’t had a night to yourselves in awhile, and a movie night sounds like heaven. Only one thing - your period has come three days early, and Kai’s a recently turned heretic. You don’t know if vampires can sense that type of blood the same way they can with venous blood, but if they can, that’ll lead to a pretty embarrassing situation that you don’t think you can handle. Not that Kai won’t be a gentleman, because you know he always is with you, but just the thought of explaining that to your best friend sounds less than appealing. Besides, periods tend to make you way more needy than usual, and that crush you’ve been harboring does not need to be revealed. 

Sighing, you type a reply. 

Y/N: i’m not feeling great today. another day?

The minute you hit send, you know you chose the wrong words. Kai answers immediately.

Kai: you okay?? anything i can help with? if you’re sad, i don’t want you alone :( 

Fuck, why’d you tell him that?

Y/N: no, i’m okay, i promise. just a stomach bug. i don’t want you to catch it

Kai: i can’t get sick, i’m a heretic now. plz let me help you

Kai: i’ll get you some soup from the grill and we can watch your favorite movie

Y/N: idk i just don’t think it’s a good time rn

Kai: oh, okay

Kai: i didn’t do anything wrong, did i?

Y/N: no! pumpkin, you did nothing wrong, i just don’t feel good

Kai: okay

Kai: you sure i can’t help? i miss you sm

Y/N: i know, and i miss you, too

Kai: do u want me to find jo and ask her your symptoms? she might be able to help

Y/N: no you don’t have to do that! i know what it is, i’m okay. it just hurts

Kai: wait, what is it?

Y/N: nothing serious, just a lil bug

Kai: i don’t like knowing you’re hurting alone

Kai: i promise i won’t talk too much, just let me come comfort you

It’s a losing battle with Kai. It always is. He’s always so adamant about keeping you company, especially at times you don’t feel well, and most of the time, you’ve given into his convincing. But in the past, he’d only been a witch. His vampirism is an unfortunate game-changer. 

Kai: y/n, please, i’m worried

Kai: take a nap if u want, just let me come and make sure you’re okay

Kai: you can use me as a pillow again :)

The needy part of your mind takes over, and you answer without thinking twice. 

Y/N: alright, but i might go to bed really early

Kai: that’s okay :)) i’ll be there in 2

Great job, Y/N. Now you’ve fucked up. How are you going to explain this??

In the two minutes that you have to spare, you burn some sage, hoping that smell will overpower the more obvious one. Your fingers are crossed that maybe vampires can’t detect periods, but you have a feeling that’s wishful thinking. The knock on your door comes sooner than anticipated. 

Despite your worries, you can’t help the happiness that consumes you when you see Kai at your door. “Hi!” You exclaim, rushing forward to hug him. 

The boy hugs you back with one arm, the other full of soup and snacks, then grins at you when you separate. “I know you aren’t feeling well, so I’ll keep my voice down and try to talk less. I just don’t want you alone when you’re sick, y’know?”

“I know,” you nod, leading him to the kitchen to open the takeout boxes. “Thank you for caring.”

“I’ll always care about you. Mhm, is that sage?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was hoping it would make me feel better.”

“It should. I mean, it’ll at least help. Is there anything else I can do?”

“Hmm, all I need is you, this soup, and a good movie, and I’ll feel okay eventually, m’kay?”

He’s unsure about the truth in your statement, but agrees anyway.

The two of you sit on your couch, soups in hand, sharing a blanket across your lap. You decided on a stupid movie that’ll make you both laugh, and try not to think too much about the cramping in your abdomen. As the movie goes on and Kai begins to get lost in it, you start to feel a little more comfortable. Maybe your sage trick worked, or maybe it is undetectable to vampires. Either way, you let yourself curl into his side, enjoying your closeness. You don’t miss him putting an arm around you to pull you closer, and the gesture makes your heart flutter. 

About an hour later, the midol you took is finally kicking in, and the pain is lessening more and more. Sighing in relief, you stretch your legs out for a second, easing those cramps, before tucking them back under you. In that moment, though, you forget that movements like those might trigger blood flow, which may then trigger the heretic’s bloodlust. And if he can smell period blood, that most certainly did it.  

With a glance up to Kai, you almost see the gears turning in his head. Fuck. 

“Hey, Y/N?”

“Mhm?”

“Do you smell blood?”

“Um, no. Why?”

Yes. Yes, you do. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 

“I don’t know, but out of nowhere, I do.”

“Maybe I got a cut from this plastic lid?” You refer to the container you’ve been, thankfully, playing with for the last half hour.

Kai immediately grabs your hands to check. “No, no cuts.”

“Maybe it’s the neighbor?”

“Too close to be the neighbor. You sure you aren’t bleeding anywhere?”

“I’m okay, I promise. I’m not hurt.” It’s not a total lie. You aren’t hurt, you said. You hadn’t confirmed nor denied if you were actually bleeding. 

“Can I check?”

“What?”

“Check for blood? Just to be sure.”

Panic courses through your body. “No,” you blurt out. You even move a little away from him without realizing, but then immediately regret it. 

Kai tenses, “okay. I’m sorry.”

“Wait. Fuck, okay. Kai?”

“Yes?”

“Chill, Y/N, it’ll be fine.” You tell yourself out loud, concerning him even more. “Okay, I actually am bleeding, but it’s nothing you need to worry about.”

“Wait, what do you mean?”

“It’s natural, supposed to happen, but I can’t control it.”

“Please explain, Y/N. What is it? Does it hurt?”

“Okay. It’s a period, women get them every month, and like I said, it’s totally normal. They cause a lot of stomach cramping and such, which is why I was in pain earlier, but I took something for it and I’m okay now. But basically, in simple terms, when women don’t get pregnant, their body gets mad and retaliates by shedding the lining of the uterus. This results in the lining, and tissues, and blood, and some other things to be drained from the body via…” you gesture to the lower half of your body. “So no, I can’t control it, but I can stop it from leaking with pads and tampons, whatever’s on hand. But right now, the cramps and pain are gone, but the blood doesn’t stop.”

As you explain it, you see his eyes darken. The veins underneath turn to a purple-ish, black, and you think you know exactly what’s happening. 

“Can I… can I taste it?”

“What?”

“The blood.”

Hell yes, please, you want to say. But at the same time, that’s a step too far into intimacy that you haven’t taken. “Um, I don’t know.”

“It smells so good, I need it.”

You try to swallow the butterflies swarming in your stomach. “Kai, I’m sorry. You can feed from my neck or wrist, but we can’t-... I can’t-” you don’t know how to finish that sentence. 

Slowly, he nods, the bloodlust taking over. 

“Okay,” you lift your wrist up to his mouth, “drink, baby.” It’s a pet name you use for him all the time, but this time, both of you can feel something more. 

Kai licks the spot where he plans to bite, then in one quick motion, sinks his teeth into your skin. You gasp for a second, but then start to enjoy the feeling. He’s fed off you more times than you can count and it always delivers the same pleasure. 

Kai drinks for a few seconds, but detaches way too soon. There’s no way he’s full from that. 

Though, you get your answer in the form of a desperate plea, “Y/N, I need it. There’s something different about it. I can smell it, it’s so good.”

“Kai… c’mon, drink.” You lift your wrist up again, but the stubborn boy literally refuses to latch. “What about here?” You offer your neck, even tracing your hand along your jugular. 

“Just a taste, please, Y/N.”

Once again, a losing battle. His determination plus your increasing arousal at the thought of it all betrays you, and before you know it, you’re laying back on the couch, his fingertips at the waistband of your leggings. 

“We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Do you want me to stop?” He offers the option, even though you know he’s silently begging you to say ‘no’. 

“No,” you admit.

He looks at you with lust-filled eyes - an expression you’ve never seen before on him. “If you change your mind, I will.”

“Okay. Hey, can you put something down on the couch? I don’t want to bleed on it and have a big, embarrassing stain.”

The heretic nods, fetching a towel, then continues. He puts it under you as soon as your leggings and panties are gone, then for a minute, just stares. No blood is visible, but he can smell it. It’s strong, and mixed with the intoxicatingly sweet smell of your arousal. His heartbeat quickens, pants tighten, and he looks at you for one more consent. 

“Go ahead. I trust you.”

Kai doesn’t know whether to use his mouth or a finger first. One thing he’s never told you: he’s a virgin. Yet the need for this blood is too strong to dive into that right now, and he fights with himself before making a decision. 

“Kai, please do something,” you whine, wondering what has him waiting. The cool air on your body causes you to shiver; his gaze makes you wet. 

In a split second, he chooses to feel you first. His index finger traces your clit ever so lightly. It travels between your folds, then dips into them in such a slow motion, you could explode. You fight the urge to moan his name again, but maybe that will snap him out of whatever trance he seems to have entered. 

He’s still going gentle, much too gentle, as he feels around your walls. Seemingly exploring, as if it’s his first time. Though the idea doesn’t cross your mind that it may be, because you’re too needy to think coherently. 

“Please,” you can’t help but beg. The need for his fingers, tongue, anything, to taste you is overwhelming. 

Kai finally goes deeper. One finger is inside you, down to the knuckle. Wetness begins to coat his finger, whether it’s arousal or blood, you’re unsure. Please let it be blood, you think, and then his vampirism will take over and he’ll be consumed by it, and I’ll get some pleasure out of this. And then you immediately feel bad for thinking that. He’s exploring your body for the first time, give him a break. For all you know, the crush is mutual. 

After a minute of swirling his finger around you, he pulls it out and brings it to his lips. There’s a bit of blood, but most of it is the clear, creamy substance you know all too well. 

Kai’s afraid to ask what exactly it is - afraid to reveal he doesn’t know what he’s doing; afraid you’ll regret letting him do this. If she knows I’m inexperienced, she won’t ever want me, a voice in his mind tells him. Speaking of which, you better get your shit together. He sucks your juices off his finger, and his eyes roll back in his head. Fuck, that’s heavenly. Need more, and need more blood. The second time, he’s less slow. Two fingers enter you, they move about, coating them evenly, and then he sucks them off again. This time, there was more blood. His eyes start to turn black again, and he knows he needs better access. 

You sign in relief when Kai moves his body down, mouth making its way towards your heat. Him eating you out has been a dream of yours for months, and with the added sensitivity of your period, you know this is about to be perfect. Not even the vampirism scares you, because you love the feeling of him feeding on you, so why would this be any different?

“Need you,” you moan, bucking up your hips slightly. The action causes a little bit of blood to dribble out onto the towel, and Kai’s veins reappear.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you.”

“Yes, please, Kai.” In your state, you speak without considering your words. “I love the feeling of you feeding on me. It’s euphoric, it makes me wet. This’ll be ten times better.”

The confession drives him, finally, to indulge. His first few licks are still slow as he gets used to the sensation, but then the taste of blood overwhelms him. It’s better than the blood from your neck, if that's even possible. It’s coated in the same sweet wetness that covered his finger, and seems to gush more with every flick of his tongue. The taste soon has him humming into your heat, causing you to cry out and grab his hair. You’re pulling him into you, bucking your hips against his face, panting heavily. Kai grabs onto your hips to keep you steady, helping him to maintain some control. 

“Fuck,” you hear him mutter. The vibration goes straight into your core. “You taste like heaven.” The praise makes you grip him harder. And with every tug of his hair, he delves his tongue deeper.

For a second, he begins to nibble on your clit. At first, it feels good, but then you realize he might actually bite you there. 

You giggle, “don’t bite me, Kai! Not there!”

He stops for a minute, confused. You look at him, now equally confused. Why does this seem so new to him?

“Bite here,” you poke your inner thigh. “Or here,” your lower stomach. “Or really anywhere, just not right there.”

“Okay.” Immediately, the heretic’s teeth sink into your thigh. Blood from your period has dried onto the area from his messy feeding, and now fresh blood joins with it. 

“Holy fuck,” you squeeze your eyes shut from pleasure and pain. When you open them again, his fangs are covered in your blood, dark red. His eyes and veins are still black, but there’s a pinkish tint to his cheeks. 

“You’re so beautiful,” you gush up at him. “Kiss me.”

Unlike before, there’s no hesitancy as he obeys your command. Blood from his lips seeps into your mouth, giving you a chance to taste yourself, quite literally. As the metallic taste drips down your throat, you find yourself moaning again. Kai’s lips curl into a smile. 

Then, moments later, his head is dipping back down, tongue re-entering your heat. He seems to have gotten more confidence now, alternating between slurping blood from your entrance, and sucking at your clit. His left hand covers the open wound on your thigh, preventing too much blood loss. Though you both know you have to tend to it soon. 

“I’m so close, Kai.”

He keeps pace. At times he’s on your clit, two fingers enter you, feeling your walls, and bringing you closer to orgasm. He hums again, sending more vibrations through you that are better than any vibrator you’ve ever used. Repetition takes you to your high, finally, as white spots cloud your vision. You cry out so loud that you hope the neighbors can’t hear you while your orgasm rips through your entire body.

Kai laps up your blood until you’ve finished. The second you feel yourself go weak from the overwhelming pleasure, he sits up and bites into his own wrist, bringing it up to your lips for you to feed. You take it gladly, feeling a bit dizzy, and can’t help but admire him as he watches you. Eyes, turning back to blue, but intense. Hair, a mess from you tugging on it. Mouth, stained red from the copious amounts of your blood he drank. It’s a sight that would scare most, but you’ve never been more attracted to him. 

“You okay?” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts. “I didn’t go too far, did I?”

His blood begins to heal the wound on your thigh and return your body to its normal state. “No, Kai, you’re perfect. That was amazing.”

“To be honest, I could’ve kept going.  I could drown in your blood. But I could never hurt you, so I had to stop. Plus, I didn’t want to overstimulate you too much, and I think you started to feel that way when you came.”

“Just the perfect amount of overstimulation. Like I said, you were perfect.”

He swallows, as if debating what to say next. “Um, thank you. For both, letting me feed, and letting me taste you.”

You smile, “so… you liked it?”

“What do you mean? Of course I liked it.”

“I know, but I mean… the intimacy of it.” It’s a risk, but you have to know. “I know we blood-share all the time, but never like this. Never with my… y’know.”

“The intimacy… you mean, sex?” 

His bluntness makes you blush. The sociopath’s limited emotions lead to a lot of bluntness, you’ve learned.

“Um, yeah.”

“Yeah, I liked it a lot. I mean, I’ve always wanted to go that far with you, but I was afraid you’d reject me, and then we’d stop being friends. Right now, I’m thanking whoever gave women periods and Lily Salvatore right now for these stars aligning.”

If it’s possible, you’re blushing even harder. “I wouldn’t have rejected you, Kai. I wanted you, too. More than you could know.”

“I know… I mean, I figured. Because I’ve been able to sense your heart rate getting faster when I’m near you, and even before turning, I could see your cheeks reddening and you’d stutter sometimes. But I couldn’t risk losing you because you’re the only person to ever care about me.”

“Well worry not, because I’m not going anywhere, pumpkin.”

“I think I…” he licks his lips, “oh, fuck it, I do love you.”

You had looked down because of your blushing, but his confession snaps your eyes back up to face him. “Oh my god, I love you, too.”

For a second, the two of you just stare at each other. Then, out of nowhere, he grabs your shoulders and pulls you into a hug. You squeal, let out a laugh, and turn to kiss him. He’s gentle, yet hungry for you, and the combination drives you insane. When you separate, he looks nervous again.

“Kai…?”

“Can I ask you something?”

“Of course.”

“Are you sure I was okay?”

“What do you mean?”

“The sex, or at least, what of it we did.”

“What?! Are you crazy? I’m dead serious, Kai, that was the best I’ve ever experienced.”

“Okay. Good. Because, uh…”

You duck your head, waiting for him to continue.

“You’re, uh, my first.”

“Wait, what?” 

“Um-”

“You’re joking?”

“No.”

“There is no way.”

“Is that okay? I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“Malachai-”

“Ew, don’t call me that.”

“-Parker.”

He bites his lip, looking anywhere but at your face.

“There’s no fucking way you’ve never done this before.”

“I mean, I’ve touched myself in the prison world plenty of times.” The sociopathic bluntness returns. Coincidentally, your blush also returns. 

“But you’ve never touched, eaten out, anything with a woman?”

“Not until you.”

“You’re mine,” you look him in the eye. He meets your gaze, not expecting the possessiveness. It’s usually him being overly protective of you. “You’re mine, and no one else’s, you fucking sex god.”

It’s his turn to blush, and he does so a deep red. It matches the blood staining his teeth, Your blood. “I don’t want anyone else but you.”

“Good. Now kiss me, and let’s watch this movie until you get hungry again.”

“I will not argue with that.”

[daveyfvckingjacobs]

Little things about Morris. (Mostly HCs)

climbs on everything. was probably a leash kid in the modern au.

runs/walks away randomly. Perfectly happy to do his own thing when he gets distracted.

will either eat everything or nothing all day no in between

Reads but had a hard time writing

will melt if you touch his hair

bewildered by compliments. bros makin this face :0 when you say smth nice

(Os is behind him makin this face tho >:0)

clothes are always too big

despises carrots

dancing around the house bc stimming and no I’m not projecting shhh

hates being told what to do but can’t function without instructions

Just wants Oscar to be happy

hates that Oscar destroys himself to keep him happy

feels useless bc of this ^

Always cold

still visits Medda sometimes but only when one’s absolutely sure Oscar is out of commission and won’t come after him. And bolts if Jack is there.

doesn’t love the taste of alcohol but drinks it anyway cuz he doesn’t have to think about anything when he drunk.

he n is have both had moments when hungover where they look into the mirror and wonder if they’re becoming like their father

wonders if he n os will ever find a better life

provably has wanted to hug a newsie before but remembered how mad os would be and didnt

and finishing on a happier note: Steals Oscar’s stuff just to see how long it takes for him to notice. - 🤠anon

I’m like those videos of dogs with twelve tennis balls rn just grabbing these trying to stuff as many in my mouth at one time as possible and then promptly abandoning them for the rest endlessly

just gotta dump thoughts for a bit in no particular order now and you can connect them to the hcs like a french worksheet

“why are you so cold?” “why are you so hot?”

morris has no perception of actual praise when it comes to complements on stuff he’s doing/says, he just assumes it’s sarcasm and then if they’re reinforced buffers for an age also has no awareness that he’s attractive asf and genuinely does not compute when he gets looks/comments on his appearance it’s very cute

morris, age 8, on top of a carriage: :]

oscar, age 10, looked away for fifteen seconds: oh for fuck-

on that note, george morris climbiest boy ever on the banisters and railings and stairs just levering himself everywhere while oscar trails after all sensible and Boring

oscar: where the fuck is my cap-

morris, wearing it: no idea lol that’s so weird

(like that one video of jacob with jbs necktie)

medda medda medda. when oscar is hungover or sick or injured he’ll just slip away, and sometimes it’s just to sit in the corner of the theatre and have that comfort/familiarity without ever actually seeing her, sometimes he’ll sit and talk a little. not much, never anything personal or detailed but he’ll talk and it hurts medda’s heart how different he is and the way oscar is never there

he holds a pencil like a fucking freak I don’t make the rules, also left handed so the actual act of writing is generally Hard and when he has to properly focus on spelling he struggles a lot

oscar broke the mirror after that and morris kept a little piece to still see his reflection, remind him who he is when he feels himself getting hopeful, even though he hates it

[amazingmsme]

Pre-Infusion Pity Party ramble under the cut but I’m just so overwhelmed rn & just want to get it all out

But god do I hate being like this. Why do I have to get stabbed in the chest every fucking month with a big ass needle, & pumped full of chemicals every other month just so I can fucking live? Why did my life have to change so much when I was just a kid? There’s gonna come a time where I’ve been knowingly living with this disease for longer than I had without it, & I don’t know how I’ll feel when that day comes. Rare disease awareness day just happened & I completely forgot & didn’t even care. It’s coming up on the 7 year anniversary of my outbreak, & it’s always a rough time for me

& to make matters worse, for over a fucking year it feels like older family members are dropping like flies. I don’t even know how many funerals I’ve been to in the past year. & we have yet another one on Sunday. & you see the toll it takes on everyone around you & you’re just like… are they next? Are they gonna be taken away?

I don’t have any irl friends because my supposed best friends stabbed me in the back & burned our friendship to the ground over a long torturous year, & while I am genuinely so much happier without them in my life, I feel so isolated. When I try to talk & engage with people, they act like you’re a fucking freak for trying to have a human conversation. Everyone is afraid of interaction now, & it sucks because humans are supposed to be social creatures. & it hurts because I’ve missed out on so much social interaction with my peers when I was & I know that my disease played a pretty big hand in that because I was the sick kid. Other mothers said shit to my mom’s face about how healthy their kids were, & even family members implied shit, essentially blaming her for my illness/weak immune system

& then you get diagnosed & those people fucking grovel & act so sorry & sympathetic but you know their true hypocritical character. It’s honestly revealed the ugliest of humanity. True sympathy is rare I feel like, replaced with pity

& I hate to say it, but most of the time, I don’t even like what I’m writing. There’s a line in Rainbow Rowell’s book Fangirl where Cath was reflecting on herself & her writers block/fics she’s written where she contemplates how many times she’s written this line, or some version of it? & I get caught up writing things others want to see, but the writing itself feels like a chore. & it’s not the fact that I think what I’m writing is bad, but I feel nothing.

I’m writing for fandoms & characters I’m not particularly wild about, & feel obligated to fulfill the request. Tbh there were only a handful of tickletober fics that I was actually excited about writing, & I fucking hate that. It’s why I was so over the moon when all the Hatchetfield & Epic peeps started showing up. Because I felt inspired again, & I can’t remember the last time I felt a spark like that

I haven’t been truly happy in a very long time, & I’m not sure when they’ll get better. But there’s still glimmers of light through the storm… even if they’re small or fleeting

TLDR: I’m fucking sick of getting infusions for the rest of my life, people all around me are dying, my best friends betrayed me, & I’ve been in one of the biggest creative slumps

[smollestduck-sketches]

OMG I NEED TO SONA RANT RN!!! YES, THEY HAVE LORE, AND YES IM GONNA YAP ABT IT RIGHT NOW!!!!!!

pan and ducki are basically siblings, they're attached at the hip and u dont usually see one without the other. however, if one is sick or injured, the other will act as a "replacement" for the time being, but u can tell something is up bc the other is less talkative and active!!

but, ducki does have a parasite: Steve. pan HATES the parasite bc it changes ducki's personality when it possesses them, but they tolerate Steve for the sake of ducki's happiness. sure, memory problems get annoying, but he knows that if the parasite is dead, ducki will die too since Steve is attached to ducki's brain

pan is sarcastic and abrasive, usually taking the lead in aggression towards people that would pose a threat to ducki or himself, mostly ducki tho. ducki honestly doesnt care too much that they could get injured bc they mostly care for entertainment. pan is super dramatic at times too:

“Seriously? That’s a question on your list?” He rolls his eyes behind his mask, dramatically sighing once again, “No, I’m not an enemy of the state. That’d be absurd…”

“Crimes! Wow, what a fun question! Asking for a simple guy’s criminal record… Eh, I got nothing I can think of.” He waves off the interrogator’s question, practically laughing it off.

meanwhile ducki is just a lot more sporadic and unpredictable, especially bc of Steve. Steve is more level-headed than ducki tho, so he kinda just fixes whatever ducki fucks up lol

like in dnd sessions, i use ducki, so they really just fuck around without much of a care

ex: ducki encourages one of the party members to steal a map from a library in front of the librarian

and Steve does eat the memories and some "high-energy" emotional states of ducki, so they don't really remember much, not to mention when Steve takes control of ducki, ducki doesn't remember shit </3 this is why pan hates Steve lol

when Steve is possessing ducki, pan and him interact like this:

pan: you little shit, cant u have picked a different host?? Steve: well mister, ur actually stuck with me now! what are u gonna do? kill me? pan: im gonna stir-fry you one day Steve: lmao if i die, ducki goes with me

[kitthepurplepotato]

DEAR DEAR LOVE.

OKAY.

I HAD to send this comment as a massage and not in the comments section because I have so much to fucking say.

I think I want to marry you?

First of all the new chapter got me into the six dimension and I can't believe I actually got the courage to read this in the car with my dad so I had to pause and actually get home so I could react to this in peace, and OMG the d-rule.

Perfection.

You have no fucking idea how I fucking love the idea of the mha series happening in this universe and Deku meeting horikoshi and there are no words that can describe my feelings rn but I'll try anyway

You, you bring me happiness and this has become much more than just a fanfic, and I might be exaggerating but who can blame me when I read perfection.

But love, dear, darling, sweetie, I adore you, okay? But please please PLEASE take a break if you need to, your health means much more than us and stupid adorable deku alright? I'm begging you, do not overwork yourself, please

Alright. So have an absolutely amazing wonderful and happy birthday ever, I wish you all the goods and hugs, and everything you could ever wish for, and as always, don't forget to drink, eat, and rest my love! ❤️❤️❤️

I love you so fucking much, I swear your comments are my favorite things on Tumblr! ;D

Not going to lie I kinda thought you’re gonna send me hundreds of questions when I saw your name pop up and I was kinda excited 😂 it’s still exciting though, you made my heart go all TOKIDOKI!!! 💜💜💜

Funnily enough the D-rule thing and the KiriBaku story wasn’t even planned that just happened while I was writing 😂 it was supposed to be a basic confession scene, no My hero academia story or anything but then… Deku decided to overcomplicate the whole chapter but I really like how it turned out and the confession wasn’t as harsh thanks to it so I’m glad!

About your marriage proposal, well, it’s not impossible to be fair, might need to talk to me boyfriend of 10 years about it but he doesn’t look like he wants to marry anyway so you can totally marry me? 😂😂😂😂😂💜

Thank you for all your worries, I swear I’m completely fine! (well, kinda, but it has nothing to do with me overworking myself I’m afraid 😂)

Writing these silly fanfictions make me happy and reading your comments is my favorite thing in life, honestly! I also play the two MHA games on my phone all the time so I swear I’m not just writing and editing every single moment of my free time. The only reason I get overwhelmed is because sometimes i enjoy the chapter I’m writing so much I over-concentrate on it and I give myself anxiety because I have so much to say but everything wants to come out quicker than my fingers can move and then I burn out for a few days. I’m silly like that. (yes, I have undiagnosed ADHD 😂)

(this bit a tiny bit more personal, mostly for Ronimacaroni, but feel free to read it if you are nosy like me haha)

I don’t really know how to do anything without stressing to be honest, even those two games makes me feel like I NEED TO play a certain amount of time with it daily even if I’m not in the mood, otherwise I feel like I’m “neglecting it”. So silly.

I do the same at work by the way, I used to be in management so I always had all the responsibility on my shoulders and I changed my job due to my mental health and went down to operations (so basically just putting stock on the shelves) yet I still manage to freak the shit out and try to sort stuff out that’s not my responsibility. It’s just who I am, trying to everything all at once then making myself sick with it. I’ll try to think about your words the next time I start being an idiot though!

But I swear I don’t only post because I need to and I do take a break when I have to it’s just that I had a random spur of inspiration after my birthday and I managed to write both the Izuku and the Bakugou chapter, all in one go so I was like “why wait if I can post them sooner and read the cute comments that will make me happy” so after I came home from work because I got a flu and had a Power Nap I posted the Izuku one quickly, knowing it will cheer me up 😂

Omg why can’t I shut up I’m so sorry I love you much btw be my friend thank you 😂💜

Tell your dad I said hi! 😂💜 (that sounds so weird omg just shut me up please omg this is as long as half of a shenanigan chapter send help)

Kit

This is me now and Inko is you, listening to my rambling thank you.

[enrapture]

crying and stressing out so bad rn. Like I’m supposed to fly to my home state and I can’t even do that because of my expired card. I have been waiting two weeks for it and just got told today that the card that was supposed to come got sent back due to my address change which I’ll have to wait 7 business days hold and then they can ship the card which will take an additional 7 business days and i haven’t order my plane ticket due to said expired card… I have money in my account and everything!!!! I reaaallly wanted to see this cute boy and stay at his place for a few days and spend quality time with him but he doesn’t like me anymore I guess lol and is dealing with his own shit I was happy to have him in my life again…. He made me smile so much I felt that we were going good but I guess I was mistaken. Maybe I came on too strong? All I ever am is too much for people… :( I just say how I feel in the moment I never mean to be too much or annoying I UGH . and I wanted to hang with one of my best friends and go to a concert and I already put in pto for all of it I wanted to get this cute sexy dress to show off and feel good about myself I’ve been looking forward to all this shit for so long now and everything lately seems to be crashing down 😭 I have no way of paying for things rn. It’s been fucking weeks. I hate my job. (It’s the work, the people, how management runs things etc) I’m just sticking it out rn for the benefits of the pto / personal days and sick days (another concert next month) and then some time after that and then I’m going to find something different. I’ve got stress at work, stress at home, stress all around me…. I’m so fucking fucked I’m so upset. OUT OF ALL THINGS TO HAPPEN. Nothing is working out and I just can’t stop crying about it. NO ONE CARES. And on top of it I started my period yesterday and bled through while I started work and didn’t realize til a lil bit after so that SUCKED and I ended up leaving early…. Just one thing after another. EVERYTHING SUCKS RN.

[kitten4sannie]

groupie anon back at it again!! also this nickname has me BLUSHING grhsfbksj also reading your replies is always so fun because I get to see my original message too (I have a terrible memory and so it's always a surprise for me too)

my rant is significantly shorter this time, though I do have to address one thing: calling yungi the 'twin towers' was FOUULL. it had me wheezing, that shit was hilarious and I will be using that from now on.

I write for different anime fandoms! (I feel like I gave my account away hahaha oh well, oopsie). see, I prefer writing fluff because it makes me blush and act even more delulu than I already am, but smut is your forte. you write it so well it makes me curl up into a ball and wonder what good I did in my life to deserve such immaculate pieces of literature.

also I spent almost all day at work today thinking about what I could write about for my first kpop fanfic and I've circled back to this one idea like 5 times.... sannie sick fic. SANNIE SICK FIC!!!!! no seriously imagine him all snotty and flushed, BEGGING to be cuddled but you can't because he's contagious, so you make him soup and tuck him in and he's so cute and soft and his hair is definitely greasy because he's been in bed for almost a week straight (but you give him a scalp massage because he's sannie and nothing can keep you away from him) but not even a yucky virus can stop his talkativeness and he keeps rambling until you shove a spoonful of soup into his mouth to shut him up and he's so FLIRTY like sir are you sick or are you drunk?? he's so in love and reader is just as in love with him back.

phew.

okay so sannie came up and suddenly I'm a liar for saying my rant would be shorter this time (isn't this the longest message I've sent so far??). I think you can tell why I enjoyed that san fic so much ahdbsjfbs he's got me in the tightest chokehold, there's nothing I wouldn't let him do. absolutely nothing, anything that was once off the table is very much on the table if he wishes it to be. the man can reach inside my body, pull out one of my kidneys, sell it, then fuck me into the mattress, and I would still get on my knees and beg to suck his dick afterwards. seonghwa, too, can treat me like I'm nothing but a couple holes to play with. I genuinely need to censor myself right now because if I say any more, the psych ward people might come for me.

also drummer jongho is so... yes. despite not reading any jongho fics, I will be found dead before I ever deny that that man does not give off the most attractive energy ever, but he's also a cute little teddy bear. personally, I love fics where he's my little brother hafjdbf, they're literally always the best ones ahaha.

uni started again for the year and I thought I'd be more busy with that and work, but I will personally make time to write that sannie fic because it's life or death at this point tbh. happiness doesn't come from grades, it comes from booseoksoon and sannie sick fics. also it would be nice to actually chat normally rather than through asks hahhaha.

until next time!! (I will read the valentine day hwa fic tonight, so you will probably get another message from me soon - I read the tags, I need a couple hours to mentally prepare for it)

P.S., my laptop crashed three times while I was writing this, but the universe will never stop me from sharing my love.

hey!! blushing pleaseee stop being so wholesome rn i can’t take it 😭😭 i love it too it’s like we’re public pen pals ;;;; pffff no same i have the memory of a fruit fly i prob won’t even remember what i typed out after i finish this sentence jshdgd

it was so foul fnrrrr but also so true!! i actually saw someone else on here use that term so kudos to them for coining that shit’s funny af and i’m glad you could get a good laugh out of it!

anime fandoms hmmmmm i’m gonna do a little investigating 👀🔍 ughhh i love fluff that shit makes me blush harder than hardcore smut i swear ??? pleasee you’re gassing me up sm it’s making me feel like debby ryan in that one movie 😭

little cut here

SICK SANNIE FIC ???? my third eye is open and my chakras are aligned like - you’re a genius dude!!! NOT FEEDING HIM SOUP AND GIVING HIM A SCALP MASSAGE AND HES ALL FLUSHED AND HES STILL FLIRTINGGGG EVEN THOSE HES DYING THATS SO FUCKING SWEET IM GETTING A CAVITY RN,, sorry for yelling but damn son

BROOOO I CANT - the thirstiness for san is so fucking relatable it hurts like i swear i’ve never been down this bad for anyone before but i would actually sell my soul to lucifer himself rn just to be a hole for that man but honestly anyone and everyone in ateez could get 25/8 and it’s cool the psych ward is knocking at my door as we speak 💅🏼

jongho was actually my very first bias!! his stage presence and voice during the their first mama performance (which was the first ateez thing i ever saw) blew me away and THEN i find out he’s the sweetest, softest, most respectful man to ever exist ??? and his gummy smile broooo holy shit

i hope uni and work goes well! exactly you should do the things you love 💕 feel free to send me a message! i don’t bite <3 i hope you enjoy it! i don’t blame you every time i see a tag for sub hwa my brain feels a little fuzzy ngl. i’m sorry it crashed ;; i appreciate you sharing it with me 💜

nooo i’m sorry it crashed! my phone closes tumblr all the time when i’m in the middle of typing and it takes years off my life 😔 god you’re so sweet 😭

[unknowncallers-world]

I had a breakdown on the way back from the gym. Yelling. Screaming. Crying. Idk man. I was broken 10 years ago. I was broken after Taylor. I’m broken now. I guess the worst part about it rn is that I’m better. It’s like no matter how much I change and now matter how I hard I try, I can’t fix anything. I just stay damaged. My heart is broken into a billion pieces. And I’m just so angry and I used it to my advantage at the gym. But idk how to be broken when im my best version. I’m not saying k can’t get any better but this is the most stable and intentional I’ve been. And I’m a mess. I feel hopeless. And it’s not just about Taylor. It’s not just about my fucking love life. Even tho that’s a big part. That game yesterday. That broke my fucking heart. I’m already so broken but that broke me more. And then I’m at the gym and Sam is there. The first girl I had a crush on who has stuff in common with me. A girl that I liked. She chose someone else. Fine cool. Not a big deal. Since they’ve been together she’s not into posting anymore on Instagram which she used to do all the time. Like multiple times a day. Ofc I see her and she posts. Anytime I see her she posts. It doesn’t bother me but it brings me back to my shit love life. I haven’t talked to a girl in 4 months. Haven’t been with a girl in 4 months. I didn’t even have this hard of a time before my Taylor. And definitely not after. Now all of a sudden I’m literally a better version of myself and I get nothing. I’m so sick of believing in god and believing that shit will change. You let the best team in that whole tournament lose yesterday. I know I have so much. I know that. I’m lucky af. I know that. And I’m grateful. But it doesn’t matter. Cause it’s not enough. I want the life I dreamed of. The life I deserve. Not this shit. I know I can never be fixed. I know that. More than anything in the world I know I will be like this forever. I lost the love of my life. That really happened. I really lost her. And I don’t exist. And I’m really not over that. But how am I supposed to get over losing the love of my life. I kept thinking it’s cause I have bpd. It’s cause I’m mentally ill. It’s not. I go to therapy. I take meds. I function fine. It’s just normal people stuff. I will never be over Taylor. Never. And I can hate her and be angry and it won’t matter. In the end this is how it is. Until you watch the team that got you into sport lose how they did 10 years after they made history. 10 years after you saw them for the first time, you don’t know how other peoples heart break affects you. It’s heart break after heartbreak. Watching people have what you want. What you try for. Yet you can’t have it. The worst thing in the world is when all you want is love and you can’t have it or when you want to see others happy and they’re not. That is my heartbreak. That is part of why I’m broken. 10 years later and I feel the same. Ofc I don’t remember how I was 10 years ago cause bpd. And I know I’m not the same but it feels that way cause I’m stuck in the same situation I was 10 years ago. And I can’t do anything to fix it. Its just over

[alaskan-wallflower]

tw for animal death (kinda) body dysmorphia, suicidal thoughts and mentions of eating disorders

so…my dog is dying.

i’ve had this dog since i was little. I’ve had her for twelve years (i’m older than 12 in case you’re wondering. i’ve had her since i was a toddler.) and i don’t know what to do. she won’t eat, she is peeing everywhere and she isn’t her normal self. and i’m scared. the thought of having to put her down makes me feel sick to my stomach and she was diagnosed with CHF and Hyperthyroidism, and the vet said that she may not have too much time left. and i feel awful that i can’t do anything to help, i can’t fathom losing her. it terrifies me. she’s been in my life and provided so much comfort and i don’t wanna lose her, but seeing her suffer breaks my heart. and i don’t know how to handle this. i’ve never been good at handling emotions without breaking down completely and losing the one thing that’s making me happy rn is going to fucking break me. maybe i’m being dramatic. who knows.

and then earlier today, one of my family members saw me in a bathing suit, a one piece, and i’m…kinda curvy..? i don’t like talking about my body because it is weird but y’know…like, my legs are kinda thick, and I do have a visible chest. It’s nothing drastic like Jessica Rabbit or anything, but y’know. and i kinda have a chubbier stomach..? not obese, and not even fat, i’m of average weight for my height, my bmi is like, 22 or something, but i just…don’t have a flat stomach, which i was insecure about to begin with. i do work out, i have been doing better over the summer, but i just can’t make my stomach flatter. i do exercise, i walked nearly 6 miles a day the past two weeks and i’m trying to regulate my exercise times, i really am. and i try everything i can to lower my weight in a healthy way. But I tried binding my sides to make my waist smaller and mg stomach look more flat, but i can’t with a bathing suit. and a family member just…decides to saw something about how ‘i’m fat’ and i know it doesn’t sound like a big deal and i’m probably being dramatic, but i don’t have a good mindset when it comes to my body in the first place and the first thought is to go back to old really bad habits of mine.

and usually, when i stay feeling like this, my mental health tanks. and i’m stressed as fuck about school and i really fucking don’t wanna go back because this year is gonna be difficult for me academically, i’m in all honors and ap classes and it’s fucking terrifying. because everyone thinks i’m supposed to be smart, or that i’m supposed to fill in my brothers impossibly big shoes, and i can’t handle it. i feel like i can’t do anything. i’m not smart. i’m not bright, i’m no prodigy and i will never be. i’ll never be anything more than a lowlife, second place kid in my family. and i want to just…i want everything to stop. for five minutes. i need time and i don’t have it. and i’m scared.

and i already know no one is gonna see this, let alone give a shit. but it just…hurts. i’m not my brother. i’m not someone who’s smart, i’m not gonna be the future president, i’m not gonna be anything. i’m just…me. and me doesn’t seem to be enough for anyone. my friend circle completely combusted and all of the kids in that group just…left. that’s a bad thing about me, is i try too hard to keep everything i have safe and secure with me, and when it all falls apart, i just…shut down. and i feel horrible about that. i feel bad that i can’t keep everyone happy. im supposed to be the glue of my friend circle in school and i just feel like i broke it. because this year they kinda just…drifted away from me without a word. just kinda stopped wanting to be near me, stopped wanting to partner up with me during class, they would literally just start grumbling whenever i asked or they were paired up with me and i don’t know what i did wrong. and im scared to start school because of it. im scared that im gonna be friendless and im scared that i’ll be alone again. and i hate it. i hate everything that’s going on in my life and i just wanna end it.

and i know no one will see this. i know no one will care, but i just…needed to get it out somewhere. i’m sorry.

[thelovelybitten]

vera’s first watch of south park — season five (part 2)

i am sick and in need of a giggle so this is WHAT I WANT

EPISODE 6:

OH GOD IT BURNS, IT BURNS

SCREAM FOR ME BITCH

LMAOOOO ICONIC

wait what

WHAT

WHAT THE FUCK

no cartman NO STOP UR EIGHT

this is so awks i can’t ew

BUTTER’S, CRAIG’S AND TOLKIEN’S FAMILY TOGETHER AW

and one other finaly idk yet ig oops

WAIT TWEEK’S PARENTS THAT’S IT

STANLEY NO

MY SON KNOWS BETTER STOP IT RN JKFDSKJBGJSD

stan i s2g

NO STOP IT STANLEY MARSH U ARE BEING BAD RN

sharon and randy being parents as they should

oh god sex ed

this is very traumatizing

I LEARNED ABT THIS IN AN ALL GIRLS SCHOOL OKAY IT’S SO AWK

STAN RLY CALLED MR. MACKEY OUT DBGKSBDGKBDSKBS

girls slayed

AYO LADY RELAX

girls are traumatized

stan: “HEY WENDY WHAT DID U GUYS LEARN IN SEX—“

*cue girls screaming and running away*

I’LL TAKE MY STENDY CRUMBS okay

WENDY YELLING “STAY AWAY FROM ME, STAN” HURTS

mini stendy conflict

god miscommunication does wonders huh

boys on the move 2 get protection

not the mackey/choksondik tension

NO NOT Y’ALL MAKING BUTTERS PUT IT ON

CARTMAN SDJBGSBDBGK

tweek coming in CLUTCH

*it does nothing*

i just can’t imagine 8 year olds learning this shit

like wtf

NOT STAN MAKING EVERYONE WEAR ONE

kindergarteners ??????@#?@?@?

LET THEM FINGERPAINT

garrison ?!@?@?@!@ WHAT THE FUCK

not the girls watching a video of childbirth… i’d be scarred too

the random video of a calf birth at the end??

STOP THIS MACKEY NONSENSE

CARTMAN BYUVUYUY

KYLE STOP IT’S NOT THAT DEEP

oh fuck here comes the boys vs girls war

BEBE SLAYED KILLER BOOMERRANG

rip kenny tho

hc: bebe is good at karate/taekwondo

makes clyde/kyle/kenny go wild for her

anyways end hc

ew EW EW WHAT THE FUCK

SKIPPED THIS SHIT BC CRINGE AND NASTY ASS FREAKS

boys vs girls WAR BABY LET’S GOOO

oh shit OH SHIT

FUCK THAT WAS WHACK

chef so real rn

WHAT SDKJBJKDSBGJKDSBKSD

EXCUSE ME

STANLEY MARSH.

STAN: “well, i guess we have a while to wait before we worry about sex and diseases, huh, Wendy?”

SO THIS KID SAYING THE TWO GONNA BANG AT 17

put that in my hc book rn

stendy crumbs my beloved

WENDY: “YEAH, THANK GOD.” JKFBDSKFBDSSD

i’m fucking crying oh my god

STENDYLE SUPREMACY LOOK AT THAT END CARD

ignore cartman being an idiot but STENDYLEEEE

awkward episode but AWSOME EPISODE

EPISODE 7:

KIDDOS PLAYING VIDEO GAMES WHOLESOME

CARTMAN PUT THAT TAMPON BACK WHERE YOU FOUND IT

boys are so cute looking at the gamesphere

who the fuck is towelie

ofc the boys play all weekend

AWW DO THEY ALL PLAY BASEBALL THAT’S CUTE

“u wanna get high?” bffr

misses baseball practice and now it’s monday and they gotta go to sckewl

not them stealing towelie but at the same time i don’t care

DO YOU KIDS EVEN KNOW HOW TO DRIVE ?@??@?#?@

what is this merch launch

STAN IS DRIVING AND KENNY IS ON THE PEDAL SABFHASBGBDSG

JFC

NOT TWEEK’S MOM

garrison pls

stan: we don’t care

they have PRIORITIES

CORE FOUR SKYDIVE

oh lord towelie pls

this is so odd ok

they don’t give a FUCK LET THEM PLAY THEIR OKAMA GAMESPHERE

NO KENNY NOT THE LAVA

CARTMAN SO REAL FOR THAT TOWELIE STATEMENT

EPISODE 8:

last ep for tn i think

WHAT THE FUCK ARE U ALL WEARING

butters !!

oh so butters gonna pass out

BUTTERS NO

no bc this is tweeking tweek out

WENDY ENDED CARTMAN SO TRUE

oh it’s the core four… but not.

SHARON MOM WHAT’S WRONG

oh OH

marsh family UNDER SIEGE

tweek baby boi it’s okay

EW WTF

towelie… wtf

BRO TOWELIE THAT WAS SO BAD PLEASE

no THE KIDS

kyle has claustrophobia ?? noted

stan. babe. please.

oh wow okay they rly going this route

i don’t rly wanna talk abt the subject in this ep bc it’s just. not appropriate

cartman pulling a road runner

what is with the bugs bunny refs

kyle: “i’m confused” me too babe

alr bedtime GOOD NITE

EPISODE 9:

HI GAMERS I’M BACC

happy 2 have a day off today to keep binging

lets goooo

AWWW THIS IS THE PICTURE DAY EPISODE JDKFJDSJBG

LOOK AT STAN AND HIS CUTE BLACK HAIR DJSBGKBKSDB HE IS SO BABIE

MY SON <3

stan infact, did not smile.

AYO BEBE GOT THAT DRAG MAKEUP ON SHE AN ALLY

butters OMG :’))))))) his little pink shirt

KENNY MY SON WTF

YOOOOO LOOK AT KYLE’S HAIR IT’S SO POOFY

HE’S SO CUTE

Cartman didn’t have to do all that pls he’s so extra

kenny my son ur a bit psycho for that but i digress

BUTTERS?? KENNY LITERALLY SHOWED HIS ASS

butters my baby boy you did nothing wrong i’m so sad

HOLY FUCK CARTMAN HE REALLY GETTING THAT KENNY PHOTO OUT THERE

STYLE PLAYDATE

cartman bro ur DERANGED

WHAT THE FUCK

ass cheek family I’M SCARRED

FUNNY FUSE

stan and kyle bringing ALL THE BOYS to see butt face parents (all my sons, icons really)

NO BUTTERS SUCH A BAD WAY TO BE GROUNDED

i’m mad he didn’t deserve this

butters pls don’t degrade urself i love u

cartman that’s so wild

kenny and kenny’s mom are scarred too

THE BOYS IN THE WINDOW

OFFICER BARBRADY??? MR. GARRISON? CHEF??? SHELIA???? y’all CRAZY CRAZY

it’s actually kinda nice for cartman to be chill

OH MY GOD THIS IS SO GROSS

JIMMY !!!

“what a terrific audience” jimmy is so funny

GOES TO BUTTER’S HOUSE PT 2

a paper bag???? his parents are so mean :’((((

accusing of butters putting on makeup ??? BUT WHAT IF HE LIKES IT???

butter’s dad transphobic he told me so

cartman having a heart <3

“our little man is growing up” style being in charge of cartman is so real of them

“things will start getting more sophisticated around here” stan sweetie i wanna believe u but i can’t. this is south park god dammit.

OKAY BC OF CHARACTER LIMIT I’MMA DO A PART 3

[bombshellxmichelle]

I’m so depressed when I stay in this house too long..

I attribute loneliness with abandonment. baby you’re stuck in your head you got lots going on I think you just stuck in ur limited beliefs rn. They need to go away my brain is rlly sick like it’s thinking so negative. I rlly wish I didn’t feel this way it’s rlly lonely and depressing. Ion want to worry anyone else yet I need help! I feel so alone and I just gotta keep pushing through another day. Keep on riding and also, keep on being gentle with myself. I got this and I continue to get this, I am capable of anything I set my mind to, and it’s important for me to set goals for myself and to invest in me. This the opportunity to build a whole life and manifest everything it is that I want.. It’s a lot of noise in my head and I’ve got to learn to tame it down. It can’t hold me back, it’s got to be someone I’m familiar with and can regulate. It’s not nothing new to me and I can speak my mind and find my voice. There’s no growth where there is depression it’s just constant aching in the back of the head, chronic underlying monotonous dark cloud, heavy on the shoulders and tense in the jaw, my neck be so stressed. My body manifesting so much achiness, and trust me there is no complaining for I am so grateful for this job, I’m grateful for my coworkers, I’m grateful to laugh and joke with these people who are now my friends. There is no need to be afraid, this shadow work is my job too. To feel those triggers, ride it out and be gentle with myself. It’s not my fault and there’s nothing that is your fault - it’s not that serious we way too sensitive to be taking anything too personally, personally, it’s just a job and a job I br making money at too. It’s a job to do and there’s values in it too but I also value myself.

I want to be able to be candid with my emotions and feelings and I can! I definitely can! I’m blessed and there’s so many people around. I just get so sensitive and overthink so much, it becomes so tiring to be in my head. I truly got agoraphobia.

Bump into someone once and I feel immense fear of encountering the same awkward incident twice, I feel like I gotta change my whole path, numb my brain or drown my emotions. This extra weight that’s been piled is because of how much herb I need to season this pain, and get rid of its salty taste. These feelings are really deep and it’s something I’m ashamed to say out loud.

There’s too many emotional triggers, things are feeling unprocessed and on an open string that’s just left hanging.

I feel like I don’t know how to interact in social situations and I give off an image or a front like I’m so put together and strong, intimidating and a “boss ass bitch” but I’m really feeling empty. I feel raw, I feel things stuffed down so deep that it aches my muscles while I’m asleep. I get the full slumber but my muscles are aching so much.

I should probably stop complaining and just get out the house, face my fears and stop overthinking - you gotta be an adult and make plans, explore the world, and communicate. You gotta do it.. nobody gon do it for you. Why’s it so scary to go out and be alone, feeling extremely afraid.. afraid of having a panic attack out in public frfr, is this rejection sensitivity and agoraphobia me just learning more about myself, and being really really depressed about the truth?

I get it these thoughts aren’t serving me and there’s probably lots of other happy thoughts to be thinking. Maybe I’m torturing myself with these thoughts.

There’s so much fucking pain in my relationship I just can’t function anymore. I feel so fucking devastated and upset, I don’t even know why! Well.. I do. And I can be gentle with myself and treat myself like the delicate flowery princess Angel that I am. I’m a kind, healed person who is not here to place moral judgements on anybody else. Who ever triggers me is just teaching me something about myself.

What do you want. I want to fit in at work.

But I also just don’t want to work. That’s not an option lol. I just want to stay away working from anyone who I have been triggered by - just don’t work so close to them, that’s okay. Be observant like my preceptor taught me, and don’t ignore the signs or the data, what you see in front of you.

I am crying so much and sedating my emotions, I can’t be here in this environment. I would be ok travelling in a solo country lol. I just gotta get my finances in order and focus on bettering myself so I can be in a better financial situation. So I can grow my money and be secure and set for life.

I want healthy, happy, loving habits. Loving to myself. Loving to my future self. Treating my body with respect. Not overfilling it with unhealthy foods or at unhealthy times of the day. I have these fears about my future health concerns.

Perhaps it’s time to pay a visit to my Counsellor again and just talk it out. I got benefits. I deserve this and all of it.

I’m grateful for all of my care. And I guess in these moments of feeling low, in these moments I feel so empty and exhausted, is to go back into my roots that saved me during my lowest points. Taking it easy, being out in nature, journaling, releasing my emotions, filling my body with nutritious foods, moving my muscles, and being mindful of my thoughts, my words, embracing the present moment for what it is. Being sober. Fuck. Living in the present moment and don’t look back.. it’s hard, I know.

[gothsuguru]

ARIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII I FUCKING LOVE YOU <333 also methinks this pic is very US <3

ARI 🥹🩷 I LOVE YOU LIKE YOU ACTUALLY HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH YOU MEAN 2 ME AND HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS/COMMENTS LIKE <333 sniffling……. sobbing……. smooching your brain pleek know that i am holding your hand rn <3 LIKE DOES ARINATION KNOW THAT I LOVE THEM SO MUCH??? THEY BETTER 🗣️🗣️🗣️ sniffling i adore you so much & omg thank you again for taking the time to write all of this i know it takes a while to do it so the fact that you even DID it makes me sniffle <3 love you adore you would die for you etc… SMOOCH <3 🩷💋

knuckle kisses are a favorite of mine they’re just so full of devotion so pure in a way … love how often they appeared in the fic and how soft they make him 🥺🥺

- A FELLOW KNUCKLE KISS LOVER 🤝 i agree wholeheartedly omfg it’s literally one of THEE most devoted acts someone can do it’s just SO intimate…….. makes me go insane <3 AND AHHHHHH i’m so glad you caught that! i really wanted to introduce a knuckle kiss in every section whether it be a quick one/one that is very intimate……. bc at the end of the day sugu is gonna be soft for it no matter what 🤭

I LOVEEEEE UR DESCRIPTIONS I LOVE UR IMAGERY (<- will be repeating this often i think BUT I MEAN IT OK) and ohhhhh my fucking god kairo….. one thing abt ur sugu is that he is a SAP and that’s canon to me. u Get him. HE’S SUCHHHH A ROMANTIC THE PROMISE RINGS W UR BIRTHSTONES????? ack i’m just . the way every single he does has a thought behind it… a sentiment….. he’s the sweetest ever :(((

- THANK YOU SM I WAS SO WORRIED ABT THAT SO YOU SAYING THAT YOU LIKED THEM 😮‍💨 WHEW THANK GOD. AGREED HE’S 1000000% A SENTIMENTALIST SAP <3 and soooooo FKN romantic like……… the aquamarine birthstone shook me at first i like ofc his birthstone is a bright blue gem (satosugu soulmatism) and YES intertwining his birthstone w reader’s is so <333 devotion on 100 <3

i truly do adore ur writing….. it blows my MIND that this is ur first real fic like u are so talented. it makes me sick to my stomach actually. i need to give u the nobel prize in literature these words of praise wont do …. 😞😞😞 AND AHEHWHDHHDHFHDHFHFH THE TONGUE PIERCINGGGGGGGG THE ARI/KAIRO HIVEMIND IS SO REAL i love. ur sugu. not just the mental descriptions but the physical too. like the piercings…. the tattoos…. sigh. he’s so sexy it makes me angry. and the way he gets shyyyy 🥺🥺🥺 he’s a baby . our baby

- NOBEL PRIZE OF LITERATURE NEEDS TO GO TO YOU FOR EVERY SINGLE FIC YOU’VE WRITTEN/WILL WRITE. i need you to know the gingko tree comparison in your kenny fic stays in my brain………. your words are soooo powerful they literally infiltrate my every thought i’m NAWT kidding. AND DJJDJDJDJDJD TONGUE PIERCING YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT I LOVE MY MEN TATTED/PIERCED/SCARRED UP 🤭🤝 sugu is so sexy it makes me need my inhaler………….

had to take a breather after this literally nothing gets me as weak as flower imagery + ribcage imagery and when they’re COMBINED?? i feel ill. i feel like a sheet of paper abt to be blown away into the sunset.

- I LOOOOOOOVE RIBCAGE IMAGERY AND I’M SO GLAD YOU LIKED THE FLOWER IMAGERY TOO!!!!!! daffodils……. sugu’s birth flower…….. sniffles <3 I ALSO FEEL LIKE A SHEET OF PAPER ABT TO BLOWN AWAY INTO THE SUNSET……. ari do you ever feel like……………… a plastic bag……. drifting thru the wind….. wanting 2 start again 😖😖😖

AND READER ;;;;; they’re so devoted i love the direction u took with them they rlly do feel like his knight in shining armor…. they’re both so smitten and protective and nurturing and it makes me soo :((( so emotional. i think sugu is the most devoted man alive so to be w someone who returns that treatment!!! …….. they could fix him idc

- THIS MAKES ME SO HAPPY!!!!!!! YOU HAVE NO IDEA OMG 🥹🥰 i’m BEYOND ecstatic that you loved the direction of a devoted!reader bc i, in my heart of hearts, believe that suguru needs someone as devoted as him in his life + he needs someone he can tend to/have a silly lil s/o…….. like he LOVES being a nurturer <3 AND YESSSSS they’re both sooooo smitten & protective of another they make me insane. reader is so crazy watch them make him worse and he’s just like :3 love my baby <3

this genuinely made me melt into a puddle MY PRETTY LITTLE BABY… THE HEADPATS….. MY WEAKNESSES i started purring i won’t lie. humans can’t purr but i rlly did. aaaaa and the way reader just melts….. 🥺🥺 they’re the cutest little guy ever and sugu just loves babying them sm… they’re my everything……….

- PLEEK READER IS JUST A LITTLE GUY……… A LIL GOOBER……….. i’m such a SUCKER for any rendition of “my pretty little _” it itches my brain so good <3 & HE’S SUCH A HEAD PATTER he loves praising his s/o <3 AND YESSSSS YOU GET IT HE LOOOOOOVES BABYING THEM methinks it’s his favorite pastime <3

this is canon to me btw sugu 100% kisses just like this like he’s so intense in a way but also so soft?? def the type to kiss u until ur brain is all fuzzy and he has to cradle u so so softly or else u’ll just crumble into a pile of mush ….

- MHMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. INTENSE BUT SOFT. SOOOOOO HIMMMMMMMM. omfg don’t get me started………. i have an image in my brain where reader is in his lap and he’s cradling them while they’re kissing and it makes me crazy…….. reader’s brain is so hazy and suguru needs to hold them lest they Faint And Pass Out in the arms of a bad bitch…….. like how embarrassing would that be omfg </3

SO CUTEEEE i love how this fic is just BRIMMING w gifts!!!! things u get sugu, things he got u, things haibara and nanami got him, things u get satoru .. etc etc etc. there were so many mentions of things being given and it’s just so :((( this fic is just dripping w love and care …. it means sm to meee

- WEEEEEEE (imagine i’m on a swing and saying that) I’M SO GLAD YOU CAUGHT THAT!!!!!! i think they’re both suchhhhhhhh gift-givers that’s DEFFO one of their love languages! always getting e/o something whether it be big or small just to let the other person know they’re thinking of them! AND YESSSSSS the besties are no exception <3 hainana giving sugu a personalized gift and reader giving toru flowers/desserts 🥹🥹🥹 thank you for saying that the fic is dripping w love and care omfg that means the WORLD to me

ALSOOOOO THE TOJI CHARM PDHKFVFKFJF OH I KNOW HE WAS FUMING …… silly little man getting jealous over a hot anime guy…. reader only has eyes for u dummy !! (idk abt kairo though i think ur gonna have to fight toji for her attention sugu 😔😔😔 …)

- LMFAOOOOOOOOO LISTENNNNNNNNNNNN. i just KNOW sugu was real life doing this 😒😑 like who is that man……… HE IS DEFFO THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS OVER HOT ANIME GUYS like 😭😭😭 reader is real asf tho……. toji lover nation UNITE. suguru is such a HATER™️ to his core i love that abt him <3 OMFG………. i have a way where everyone can win…………. sugu & toji i got two hands………… do w that info what y’all will!

THEIR DYNAMIC IS SOOOOO FUCKING SWEET i firmly sincerely believe that sugu belongs with a silly reader . it just makes sense to me. he’s sooo smitten w them!!! ur his silly little goose !!! <33

- AGREED 1000000000000% I CAN TRUST YOU TO ALWAYS MF GET IT!!!!!!!! HE NEEEEEEDS A SILLY READER JUST A LOVABLE DUMBASS!!!!!!! HE’S MOROSEXUAL I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL!!!!!! YES HE LOVES HIS SILLY LITTLE GOOSE…….. HIS SILLY LITTLE BUNNY…….. sugu’s so smitten <3

my knees buckled THE . the grabbing ur face…. to get ur attention.,,.. CANONNNNNN IT’S SOOOO SUGU I DIED and don’t get me started on the sitting on his face. stupid silly man it wasn’t even his own joke smh ……….. i did melt into a puddle though u wrote him a lil too suave 😵‍💫

- GAGGED ME A BIT TOO LIKE OMFG if he ever grabbed my face………. nsfw moments would happen i fear. PLEASNDMDNSN he’s such a snake like why would you steal reader’s line like that omfg fake ass Bitch. AND DJJDJDJDJD THANK YEWWWWW he’s so suave when he wants to be <3

AAAAAAAAA THEY REALLY ARE JUST…. i adore their dynamic i doooooo READER IS SO SILLY i love the implication that they were just like . ”if u wanna kill me pls sit on my face king <333” they’re so real actually AND WAHHH SUGU BEING ALL GRUMPY 😭😭 he’s such a brat it’s TRUE and we don’t talk abt it enough….

- REAL ASF TOO LIKE. methinks they were on a late night drive and sugu parked somwhere dark & secluded so reader said “if you took me here to kill me… i’ll have you know sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.” and sugu just choked on his cherry icee/slurpee while blushing and scolding them but also making out w them so hard in the car <3 then promptly sitting on reader’s face when they got back home <3 love them sm <3 YOU’RE SOOOOOOOOO FKN RIGHT he’s such a grump AND a BRAT and no one talks abt it like omfg he’s sooooo bratty and huffy and spoiled sometimes 😭

like i can visualize him so clearly and he’s so gorgeous it makes me feel sick it rlly isn’t fair 😞😞😞…. all the piercings…. save me kairo i’m abt to crumble……

- i’m sooooooo happy you liked that part :’) sugu w the hairpin… the piercings… the sweater… boyfie <3

AAAAAA THESE SMALL DETAILS ALWAYS GET ME he offers u the bigger half but u take the smaller one 🥺🥺🥺 i feel like just these two lines depict their dynamic so well. they’re always always looking out for each other :(((

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHE YOU CAUGHT THAT I KNEWWWWW YOU WOULD 🥹 i wanted to highlight them looking out for e/o in a small way and i figured one person giving the bigger half and the other choosing the smaller half was the best way hehehe <3

AND THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔💔 kairo u understand him….. u Get it…….. i can’t not see him as a huge dork like that’s just what he is. he can act mysterious and suave and cool all he wants but we know the truth!! he’s a lil nerdy dork and it’s the most charming thing abt him <3333 reader’s love for him is also so palpable here …. they love all sides of him so dearly ☹️☹️☹️

- EXAAAAAAAACTLY at the core of suguru is a Dork……. Nerd…………. Goober. methinks he’s suchhhhhhh an astronomy nerd <3 he has so many facets and that’s one of em <3

SOOOOOOO FUCKING REAL THEY’RE SO ME i need sugu to scold me i think it would fix me entirely

- PLEASENDNDNDNND I HAD TO like…….. need suguru to scold me sooooooo badddddddddd idk why he can tell me off and i’d be MAJOR heart eyes <3

PHDIFJFJFJJD READER’S DIALOGUE GOT SO MANY GIGGLES OUT OF ME i support their maybe possibly a scam gift giving tendencies <333

- 😭😭😭 AND THEY’RE REAL TOO! i was looking up online that buying/naming stars is a scam sometimes & reader was just like damn…….. it’s the thought that counts who gives af <3 and they were RIGHT! sugu was HYPED regardless 🤭

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫K😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KA 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIR 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIROOOOOO U CAN’T…… JUST CASUALLY MENTION THE NIP PIERCINGS………….,.,,, 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I’M ALREADY ON THE FLOOR PLS LET ME BREATHE FOR A SECOND ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

- YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO ITTTTTTTTTTTTTTT like TRUST that sugu has nip piercings…….. a belly button piercing………. and a **** piercing <3

(also <33 ur descriptions <3333 yeah. need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w his giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT)

- “need this man on top of me asap preferably suffocating me w giant tiddies WHO SAID THAT” I GHOSTWROTE THIS SENTENCE I SWEAR 😖🤝

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ this part fucked me uppppppp i can’t lie it hurts so luch to imagine sugu that way but it’s also such a real and important aspect of his character!!! and it shows reader’s devotion so so clearly. they’re there for him no matter what!! and he would do the same for them!!!

- AHHHHHH i appreciate you saying that it’s such a real/important aspect of his character bc that’s what was in my mind too!!!!! i think his depression is just so. integral to his character and it’s not pretty but that’s fine bc he’s HUMAN. & YESSSSSS!!!!! reader is always there for him and he’s always there for them!!!! they’re both devoted/care for the other sooooo deeply and vice versa

THE TEXTS W SATORU PSHFODJFJJFID THEY’RE SO REALLLLL personally i think any readers paired w sugu or toru HAVE to be besties w the other one like it just makes sense…. i love the friendship between all three of them in this !!! toru loves both reader and sugu sm and they love him right back <333

- HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE I LOVEDDDDDDD THE TEXTS 😭🩷 toru really is my bestie like he’s reader’s bestie he’s your bestie he’s sugu’s bestie he’s EVERYONE’S bestie everyone needs a satoru gojo in their lives <3 THANK YOUUUUUU their friendship is soooooo important to me they love each other so much :>

☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️i sniffled. he’s physically incapable of not being tender when he’s with them…. and the way he makes sure to let them know he loves them even in such a miserable state… the way he’s thinking of them and tending to them hhhhhh i love him sm 💔💔💔

- ^^^ HE IS SOOOOOO TENDER i think again it falls into his nurturing/paternal tendencies like he’ll look after them even if he’s in no state to! like sugu omg focus on yourself rn bae

I LOVED THIS SO MUCH reader is so so caring and devoted like they’re just overflowing w affection!!! just like sugu!!!! reading this made me so so happy aaaaa ….., all their favorites!!! :(((( sniffle sniffle they’re the cutest ever …. made me hungry too 💔

- HEHEHEHE THANK YOUUUUUUU THEY’RE A LOVER TO THEIR CORE 🗣️🗣️🗣️

just so vibrant so warm so sweet!!!! i literally saw it unfold in my brain anime style LMAO like the warm lighting!!! the tears!!! i’ve been watching too much haikyuu smh i pictured it just like an emotional hq scene….. just so gorgeous and tender

- OMG I’M TUCKING THIS COMMENT INSIDE MY HEART 😭😭😭 HAIKYUU!! STYLE OH I FUCKING LOVE YOUUUUUUU omg the warm lighting/tears/anime vibes that’s LITERALLY how i pictured it too like a literal hq! emotional scene 😭 sunset in the bg wind is flowing people are sobbing etc

READER IS SOOOOOOOOOOO DEVOTED IT ACHES this is exactly what sugu deserves!!!! and the vow… the oath….. u alr know how i feel abt those this made me a lil insane

- VOWS & OATHS MAKE US SOOOOOOO INSANE LIKE……. the DEPTH of their devotion…….. disgusting. i love it so much

😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 KAIRO? STOP MENTIONING THESE THINGS IN PASSING DO U WANT ME TO DIE BE HONEST ohhhhhh he WOULD get ur name tattooed wouldnt he….. and i would simply fall to my knees and weep HE IS A SAP AND I LOVE HIM MORE THAN ANYTHING

- :3 HEHEHEHEHEHEHE he ABSOLUTELY WOULD. like he deffo tatted it from a time where you wrote your name in a bday card or something and he was like……… putting this behind my ear where it will reside near my temples forever and ever <3

LOVEEEEEE THIS DYNAMIC THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE gentle bf x manhandling gf…….. the only dynamic ever…………

- MHMMMMMM YOU GET IT 🗣️🗣️🗣️ my reader is so silly they just start turbowashing his hair w no regard for his life omfg…….. rip sugu’s hair follicles you WILL be missed 💔😩🫡😖

i think his relation to his family was strained at best and that’s definitely the case for almost every sorcerer born into a non-sorcerer family….. one of my personal hcs when it comes to sugu is that his lying personality formed when he was very young, because of his ability to see curses :(( i can just picture him telling his parents and being terrified only to have them scold him for it…. because who would take that kind of talk seriously? and that reaction resulting in him just kind of… shutting himself off from the the world. not really trusting anyone to understand him.

- oh you 1000000% get it and that’s how i personally see it too! i pictured his family life to be one where he got scolded for saying there were curses and then his parents got upset bc they thought he was lying/going crazy and making stuff up bc they couldn’t see what he was seeing….. and i HEAVILY agree i think over time he would just lie abt not seeing stuff! maybe his eyes are off to the side looking at his curse and his parents are saying “what’re you looking at?” suguru with a closed eyed smile: “nothing” :) i think that’s how he got thru his teenage years just lying. and then i also think it affected his mental health bc he probably thought he was overthinking stuff/going insane but in reality he was just a boy who saw things others couldn’t……. his backstory is sooooo clouded so i love just thinking abt him when he was younger and his home life. & i agree HEAVILY again on him not really trusting others/not feeling like anyone understands him

obv those r just my thoughts on canon sugu but i LOVE the way u depict his family and their dynamic here bc it’s literally exactly how i picture it too!!! not entirely loveless, but strained. suffocating. a cold kind of household where he can’t be himself :(( it just makes sm sense in my head u just described his feelings abt it so so well!!! i did in fact cry LMAO it resonated w me so deeply!!!

- thank you SO much that actually means the world to me! i think we both have SUCH similar views on suguru and his family life/backstory! yes - not entirely loveless but it’s…….. strained & suffocating & not really healthy lmao. like they’re family deep down they love each other but his parents just have a shitty way of showing it. and YEAH a cold household but on the outside they act super warm…….. </3 AWHHHHHHH ARI OMG here have a tissue i am holding you softly in my arms 🫂

my favorite flavor of conservative father is the one who’s so deep in the closet it’s turned into a casket like … ”he went through the same thing when he was his age”……. ohhhh dad i have some news for u……….

- HDJDJDJDBDJDHDHDHD listen since i’m a LOVER of hot mean dilfs ummmmmm i made his dad sexy and bi whether his dad knows it or not 😭 he’s like “we’ve all kissed boys 🙄🙄🙄” and suguru & his mom are just like ??? like mr. geto was fine asf back in the day in my brain and is STILL fine asf. just stupid and cold tho 😭

i picture his father as being very cold, very strict, very controlling, while his mother is loving but in a very conditional way. and her reaction here hurts the most because she isn’t lashing out, she’s just . acting like it didn’t even happen

- YOU GET HIS FATHER PERFECTLY!!!!!! deffo the strict dad, v cold & controlling & overly protective. and yes!!!!! his mom is like…… hmmmm how do i say it she’s kinda like someone who is an overt-babier? like she always thinks that suguru is her little baby boy and can’t do anything by himself so she has to hold his hand like soooooo suffocating and that makes suguru so. icked out he’s like i’m my own fucking man! makes him want to be the one in control of his own life no matter what! i think suguru has control issues also just putting that out there // and yeah i think that’s the part that hurt suguru the most is that she just acted like it never happened.

THIS IS THE PART WHERE I CRIEDDDDDD OK IT JUST GOT TO ME i am so weak for ….. found family……….. characters finding a home of their own after growing up in a broken one…..,., sugu finding all the comfort he needs in his beloved angel :(( a person that he chose himself!!! who loves him and makes him feel safe!!!! sighhhh they mean the world to me they do…..

- ARI MY BABYYYYYYYYYY I’M HUGGING YOU SO HARD RN AHHHHHH NOW I’M WEEPING 😭 YES!!!!!! CHOOSING YOUR PERSON!!!!! THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE!!!!

AAAAAAAA I ADORED THIS PART SO SM IT’S SO FUNNY AND SWEET 😭😭😭😭😭 sugu is just soooooooo angry and protective i love the idea that this particular comment got to him the most bc he can handle abuse towards himself but to his beloved?????? yeahhhhh no . papabear sugu coming out INSTANTLY. and reader just thinks it’s funny ohhhh their dynamic kairo 💔💔💔 my protector…. always………. i collapsed my head hit the concrete etc etc THEY PROTECT EACH OTHER SO EFFORTLESSLY SO FERVENTLY protective sugu just gets me so weak…..

- !!!!!!!!!! SUGURU IS 1000000000000% THE PARTNER WHO GETS PISSED IF SOMEONE SAYS SHIT TO/ABOUT HIS S/O! like shit talk him all you want he really doesn’t gaf but if you talk about his s/o? he’s hexing you and shouting at you and also plotting murder <3 reader is so funny they’re just like :3 hehehehehe :3 they don’t gafffffff 😭😭😭 PROTECTOR!SUGU ALSO GETS ME SO WEAK OMFG MY HUSBAND

READER IS THE REALEST AS ALWAYS sugu being jealous of ur favorite fictional character is still so real to me like he’s such a little loser ….. do we think he would put on the compression shirt + sweatpants combo just to get u to drool over him instead of toji yes or yes

- NDNDNDNDND HE IS THE TYPE TO GET REAL LIFE JEALOUS AND BE SUCH A HATER LIKE OMFG 😭 oh you already know he would……….. compression shirt + sweatpants combo and all reader says is “damn. toji wore it better.” and then suguru just tries to jump out of their window </3 THEY’RE BOTH STILL GONNA SMASH THO BC SUGU LOOKS SEXY AS HELL!

I LOVEEEEEEE UR SUGU SM I TRULY DO he just wants to fix anything that’s wrong … wants u to depend on him so badly …….. wants to make u happy always always always 💔💔💔 i can imagine him being soooo frustrated when u don’t allow him to help like i think that’s the one thing that he just can’t stand. he needs u to need him :((( needs to soothe u or else he spirals </3

- he’s sooooooooooo. insane. like he just ALWAYS needs to be in the know and i AGREE it frustrates him when you tell him not to worry abt smthn bc he’s a certified worrier™️ he needs his s/o to depend on him he needs to nurture him he needs to feel wanted/depended on i think that is such a core part of him 😭 he’s so paternal it’s almost disgusting how much he needs to be needed so i think it’s him toe-ing a fine line! he just always wants you to be happy and safe and protected that he does/says things that mayyyyyyyy be TOO much 😭 he’s self-aware and working on it tho which is good!

HE’S SOOO FATHERCODED SO MOTHERCODED just so nurturing to the point that maybe it’s a lil intense sometimes :((( and wahhhh u depicted his overthinking habits so so well…….. he’s trying so hard to be good for u!!! to be what u need!!!! :< and he’s doing so well but he can’t rlly see it…

- ^^^ you always get it like. YES. intense in his nurturing he’s SO fucking fathermother coded he’s suchhhhh a mother hen he’s such a protective dad he’s crazy. he really is his parents’ son sometimes 😭 but in a much better way than them like he’s trying so hard to be good just like you said! he just wants to keep you safe and happy and protected no matter the cost :(

i melted into a wholeee puddle one thing that always gets me weak is when sugu treats his reader like they’re fragile ….. it just gets me so soft AND HE’S SOOOO DEVOTED SO CARING IT MAKES ME WANNA CRY he just wants to make it better!!!! he has to make it better!!!!!!! :(( his overthinking is soooo clear here too….., he knows there’s a fine line between nurturing and condescending and he wants so badly not to cross it :(((( he’s just so naturally paternal like he truly is… motherly men my beloveds <3333 but it hurts to see him be so hard on himself !!

- MHMMMMMM HE DOES DO THAT!!!!!! he treats them like a baby/fawn like something to be nurtured…… protected…… and he just always wants to FIX things it’s in his nature i think he’s been like that since he was a teenager 😭 AND I’M SO GLAD YOU SAID HIS OVERTHINKING NATURE IS CLEAR OMG WHAT A RELIEF!!!!! not for him but for me that you noticed that <3 ^^^ motherly men oh yeah he’s deffo a mommy. a daddy. in both an insane way and a weird way idk suguru is kinda crazy in the head

SUGU AND HIS DADDY ISSUES MEAN THE WORLD TO MEEEEE this feels so canon too….. U AREN’T LIKE HIM AT ALLLL SUGU UR THE SWEETEST GUY IN THE WORLD :((((( sniffle…. he overthinks sm but he really is so wonderful…….

- SUGU AND HIS DADDDDDD they make me crazy…….. i imagined his dad to be such a hot mean dilf but also just someone who had outdated views on what it means to be “the man of the house” like it was definitely a patriarchal house! REAL! he tries so hard not to be like his father like that’s his worst nightmare omg 😭 you’re so much better than him sugubear i PROMISE you king

READER IS SO REAL FOR THIS i’m like that too 😭😭😭 AND KAIROOOOOOO HERE WE GO AGAIN I JUST CANT CATCH A BREAK IN THIS HOUSE SMH sugu w …. reading glasses ……… 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 i genuinely started breathing so heavily he’s so sexy it pains me

- I KNEWWWWWW YOU WOULD LOVE THE READING GLASSES OMG ME AND YOU ARE LIKE THIS 🤞🏼 him in glasses is sooooooo sexy it makes me clinically insane i need him sooooooooo bad it makes me look STUPID

🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 this was just the sweetest thing.,. i KNOW it meant sm to sugu too like u just get him kairo….. he’s a sentimentalist!!! he WOULDDD cry i know he would it’s canon …. sugu is a crier to me i think he falters sm when he’s faced with a love that’s so tender and warm :(((

- HEHEHEHEHE THE BIGGEST SENTIMENTALIST!!!!!!! HE LOVES PERSONALIZED PRESENTS THE MOST IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!!!!!! he’s a creative so anytime someone gives him something that they created from their heart/soul he treasures it SO dearly that it melts his heart like it makes him SOOOOO emotional 🥺 agreed omg he’s really sensitive sometimes and definitely a crier when he’s overwhelmed w such tender emotions <3

KAIROOOOOO I GENUINELY MWLTED i know ive said that like 50 times so far BUT THIS TIME I RLLY RLLY MEAN IT like it was just…… attack after attack…….. hitting every single one of my weak spots…… this scene made me feel so SOFT i thought i was gonna turn into jelly :(( the soft beckoning !!!! the tears and coos and kisses !!! MY LOVE ……. MY SWEET GIRL ???????????? UR SO CRUEEEEELLLLL THAT’S MY GREATEST WEAKNESS MY BREATH HITCHED pls don’t get me started on my little dove….. pls dont ………. the fondness of it all .. i cried i need him so BAD it’s not funny anymore 😞😞😞😞😞

- AHHHHHHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH i was soooo worried it was TOOOOOOO much but also i needed to add every little pet name in there or else i would’ve died 😭 my sweet girl & my little dove…….. sugu would 1000000% call his s/o those things while softly beckoning them over <333 he’s a Real Loverboy <3 AND A COOER! loves to coo at his baby

AAANNNDDDD THE FINALEEEE WOW WOW WOW I CRIED this was the perfect way to end it….. the devotion and loyalty and love !!!!! KISSING UR RINGGGGGGG i knowwww he wants to marry u so bad it makes him look silly AND THE WORDS :((( i hope google translate didn’t butcher it lmao BUT AAAAAAAAA i’ll love you forever…………… hhhh. just encompasses their love so well :(( it’s just so steadfast and so soft . and the promise of marriage……. sigjhhh they’re just so SMITTEN it makes me so emotional!!!! i rlly do adore their dynamic to the moon and back 🥺🥺🥺

- THE ENDING WAS SO FAST BC I HAD NO IDEA HOW TO END IT OMG BUT THANK YOU SM 😭 i was also worried i wrote it mad confusing but i’m glad that you got the idea that i wanted to present which was that he wants to marry the reader <3 AND YES YOUR GOOGLE TRANSLATE WAS RIGHT! and finally suguru kisses HIS beloved’s knuckle <3 on their promise ring <3 sniffles omg these characters are so dear to me i finally understand what writers mean when they love their lil characters like i Get it now <3 AND THANK YOU ARI OMG I’M SO THANKFUL YOU ADORE THEM HEHEHE THEY ADORE YOU TOO <3 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷

AAAAAAAAA KAIRO THIS WAS JUST SUCH A TREAT……. i rlly hope u can feel alllll the love i have for this fic and u and sugu from these reactions!!!!! so many parts of this made me feel so emotional and it was just written so so well and thoughtfully……. ur characterization and imagery and everything is just so perfect !!!! :(((( this is also one of the tastiest sugu depictions i’ve ever had the pleasure of seeing (<- is still thinking abt the nip piercings PHDKFJFJFJ) u just wrote him in such a lovely way that feels so canon to me!!!!!

- EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU WROTE ME IS TUCKED DEEP INTO MY SOUL LIKE I WILL BE GOING BACK TO THIS RB SO MANY TIMES JUST TO HAPPILY READ EVERYTHING YOU SAID OMG you just got everything/understood what i wanted to show/say so i appreciate you so much :3 AHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!! i’ll do my best to do better in the future! :D i need to reach ari-level one day (unattainable but i’m fine w that bc you are in a league of your own and i’m eating every single word you write in your stories………. i’m sukuna and your stories are his fingers) chomp chomp chomp……. munch munch munch <3 (also you mentioned you got a wip of comparing sugu’s eyes to the milky way……… gonna need that snippet STAT pleek & thanks 🙏🏼) AND OMFG?????????????? YOU SAYING THIS IS THE TASTIEST DESC OF SUGU YOU’VE HAD THE PLEASURE OF SEEING IS THE HIGHEST FKN PRAISE I LOVE YOUUUUU 😭🩷😭🩷😭🩷 trust bestie………. i’m thinking of those nip piercings every single day……… every single night…….. <3 & 🥹🥹🥹 THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT you saying i wrote him in a lovely way that feels canon is the best praise i can possibly receive :’) i love you so much ari omg thank you for taking the time out of your day for not only reading this but also WRITING all of this!!!!!! I APPRECIATE AND ADORE YOU SOOOO MUCH MWAH MWAH MWAH!

a treat for you………. look at his jawline. gagged.

black is the color of my true love’s hair

♡ your devotion to suguru is second to none - you would do anything for your beloved! bonded by true love, loyalty, & utter admiration, these are a few moments where suguru has been unbelievably thankful for you & smitten by your acts of love & service! (a story from my suguru geto: valentine’s day fic list!)

a/n: belated birthday fic for my beloved husband suguru geto <3 the title of the fic is based on a rendition of the song “black is the colour” by celtic woman! imo it’s the most loving & devotional song i’ve ever heard so i wanted to do a story based on those themes with my favorite black-haired man <3 MY true love <3 p.s. this is my first time ever writing an actual fic & it got a bit long because i got carried away so please bear w me! i hope you enjoy and happy valentine’s day! <3 MWAH!

- f!reader, no curses au, reader is short/blushes/has hair that can be ran through with fingers! slightly suggestive, cursing, mentions of depression/anxiety/self-destructive behaviors. but i promise this is a soft, fluffy fic! it’ll make sense when you read it! dividers are from @saradika! w.c: ~ 11.5k

it’s a simple action, really.

you tilt your head slightly to the right and lift your face up to gaze adoringly at him through your lashes, a mirthful twinkle dancing in your eyes. a soft smirk coupled with a light blush adorns your angelic features, a precious look, which suguru has come to be utterly enchanted by due to the loving action that follows immediately after.

you catch him off guard the first time you do it.

the first time you kiss suguru’s knuckles, he falters.

it’s the way that you do it. naturally & effortlessly, as if it’s like second nature, that causes suguru to stop in his tracks and dedicate all of his attention to you.

his mesmerizing gaze is directed at you, molten gold eyes inquisitive. irrevocably fond.

he attentively watches as you softly grab his large warm hand in your small cold one. his hands are slightly rough yet supple due to his religious use of the honey-almond handcream you bought him earlier in the week.

he notices, rather than intertwining your fingers with his own and holding them, you smoothly bring his hand up to your face, wrapping your digits loosely around the perimeter of his long slender fingers.

your thumb gingerly caresses his ring finger (the one that holds a devout vow of eternal love), your featherlight touch raising wonderful shivers across his body. with the utmost care, you delicately, as if he’s made out of precious china, brush your supple glossed lips against his fingers, relishing in the coolness of his promise ring that encases both his aquamarine birthstone & your own.

your low-lidded enamored eyes never leave his affectionately curious ones — both of you preciously holding the other ones gaze. eyes locked in a staring contest of love.

utterly content with his undivided attention, you gently press a soft kiss to his knuckles.

a sign of affection.

an act, a promise, of complete & utter devotion.

his pierced eyebrow raises slightly due to the suaveness of your actions. he tries to gather his bearings, his brain fuzzy with your actions — did you actually just do that?

suguru’s amber eyes widen significantly, soft black eyelashes fluttering like raven wings against the tan of his cheek that’s blushed with a hue of raspberry red. mouth slightly ajar in surprise, his silver lip ring glints like starlight in the sunset daze of the evening, while his pierced tongue is pressed against his own cheek to stop himself from becoming a bumbling, stuttering mess.

if he speaks — he wholeheartedly believes all that’ll tumble out of his lips will be unabashedly fervent divulgances of: “i love you. i love you. i love you.”

adoration blooms out of his ribcage like a meadow of daffodils, sweetness enveloping around his heart, soft ivory petals and sage green tendrils wrapping themselves delicately over his bones. he reckons that if you couldn’t hear his heartbeat hammering out of his chest before, you definitely can now.

it’s almost as if his brain is in clouds of cotton candy, his mind in a sweet haze of shock, love, & affection. he finds himself whispering airily, “why’d you do that?”

tenderly stroking away silky strands of ink-black hair that wisp around his ethereal face, the fond smile you grace him with is saccharine sweet, “i felt like it.”

unbelievably charmed, he can’t help the giggle that spills its way out through his mouth like honey, a syrupy-sweet sounding little thing. his shaky fingers cover his rosy lips slightly as he laughs bashfully. he’s a bit shy because of it, but you don’t think a sound has ever been so melodious to your ears. you’d get down on one knee to kiss his knuckles reverently as many times as he wants just to hear his laughter over and over and over again.

the way you see it, it’s as if you were put on this earth to devote yourself to him.

like a loyal knight kisses the ring on the hand of their king with the utmost veneration, you’d do the same. without question, worshipping the ground whereupon he stands like a faithful follower would do to a cult leader. you figure in all of the other multiverses, you’re ultimately doing the same thing as what you’re doing in this one: loving him — devoutly. earnestly. passionately.

if the look of ardent rapture on your face is anything to go by, suguru might faint with the rush of pure love & endearment that flows like nectar throughout his veins.

he feels his blush bloom over his warm face which rushes towards the tips of his pierced ears, a clear sign of you flustering him.

wanting to gain back some semblance of control of the situation, he puts on a poker face, a gentleness in his eyes & a fondness in his smile still shining through. his black-nail polished thumb grazes your soft wind-chilled cheek. a beacon of warmth. a caress of admiration accompanied with a well-maintained façade of smoothness. a comforting touch for the both of you.

“well, aren’t you just so sweet.” suguru can’t help the coo that escapes his cherry red lips when you look up at him with your precious doe eyes, “my pretty little baby.”

he softly pinches your cheek, admiring the soft plush. he cradles your cheek with the same hand, & carefully smoothes down your hair that’s been strewn around a bit by the evening wind with the other. suguru pats your head in a nurturing manner in the process, another fond coo escaping him when he sees you preen at the attention he gives you, affectionately watching you revel in the flattering treatment.

your eyes widen with joy, always keening with any praise he showers you with. “i’d like to think so! now come on sugu, your pretty little baby has a lil surprise for you!” you playfully wink at him, your smile beaming like sunshine.

your warm eyes map his stunning features reverently, memorizing his elegant visage. drinking in his otherworldly beauty. as if you could never get enough.

while you openly admire him, suguru does the same to you. he doesn’t think that he’s ever been this enamored by a human being before. you’re the center of his universe, and he can’t imagine his life without you. all he can see in this moment is: you. his intense gaze holds yours as he captures both of your cheeks in his warm gentle hands, enveloping himself in your space. the perfume he bought you for your birthday invades his senses, clouding his mind in a welcomed haze.

all he can think of at the moment is: you. you. you.

all he can repeat in his mind is: mine. mine. mine.

his eyes gleam with a newfound sense of desire, wanting to show you exactly what you mean to him. what you do to him.

his golden eyes that are now an onyx, dilated with desire, flit to your mouth. his thumb outlines your pretty lips that are begging to be devoured by his own. his right hand moves to cradle the back of your head, tilting your face up so he can comfortably take control. long, slender fingers splay across your hair, bringing you closer to him, slightly tugging the strands to hear and feel you gasp against his mouth. he presses his left hand against the small of your back, coaxing you further into his body, fusing you both together. not wanting to be even a millimeter apart. he just can’t get enough of you.

it’s like a magnetic gravitational pull when he presses a soft, sensual kiss against your glossy lips. the cold metal ball in his pierced tongue explores the wet cavern of your mouth, and he can’t help but moan softly into you, relishing in your warmth.

he prays to the stars above, hoping that he can convey his sincere love, desire, & admiration for you like this. he breathes life into you and you do the same to him. kissing you with such vigor & passion, he feels like melding your lips & souls together wouldn’t be enough. he burns with a hunger to become one with you. he pleads to the universe that the intensity of his desire and yearning is relayed to you — that you crave it, crave him as much as he craves you.

with the way he’s ravenously kissing you, and how you’re excitedly kissing him back, it seems like you certainly received the message.

suguru thinks it’s a little bit funny, but very much endearing, when you run around the living room like a bumbling fawn.

you zig-zag around the counter, making sure you pick up the purse that suguru got for you on your previous anniversary, an acrylic charm of your favorite anime character clinking against the metal fastenings. (another gift that suguru got you, begrudgingly he might admit, because who the hell is that toji fushiguro guy anyways…)

you double check that all the contents you need are inside: phone, charger, lip gloss, mini perfume, credit cards — AH! you run back to your room like a panther, not wanting to forget the most important thing you need for tonight!

he can’t help himself but laugh at your frazzled antics. “baby, you can calm down! we’re going on a picnic, it’s almost impossible for us to be late!” suguru admires your punctuality, he thinks it’s sweet how you never want to keep him waiting.

“FORGOT SOMETHING, I ALMOST DIED.” you rush back to him, big goofy smile on your face.

“baby… you’re heaving.” suguru covers his mouth, trying not to giggle out loud at how out of breath you are just by running a few feet. you’re so fucking cute.

“damn…” you huff out, hands on your knees, trying to get a deep breath in. “don’t call me out like that.”

he can’t help the laugh that bellows out of him, “sorry angel, now let’s go!” he places his large hands against your back, ushering you out the door quickly, “you still haven’t told me where we’re going.”

walking you towards his black mercedes, he opens the passenger side for you. with both hands on your hips, you remind him that, “it’s a SURPISE!”

after around 45 minutes of both of you jamming out to your playlist in the car, poking his cheek while childishly asking “are we there yet?” just to annoy him for fun, and ultimately being a proper passenger princess who tells him to “just trust me!” when he asks where you two are going, you both arrive to your destination.

and the sight that he sees, enthralls him. he whistles, beguiled by the view. from here, he can see how pretty and bright the stars are, it almost looks like they’re twinkling a “hello!” at the both of you. suguru thinks to himself, a picnic here at night? he’s unbelievably mesmerized at how your brain works sometimes.

he turns to face you, watching how engrossed you are in your phone, tapping away incessantly. wanting your full attention, his fingers grab your chin gently to force you to look him. he jokingly purrs, “if you took me here to kill me, i’ll have you know… sitting on my face would be much easier. much more preferred.”

you raise your eyebrow questioningly.

“because… it’s dark and we’re in random clearing.”

you stare at him blankly. “okay, you’ve hung out with me waaaay too much because i literally said that pick-up line to you last week and now you’re blatantly stealing it… like a THIEF. and also? you drove us here. who the hell is gonna drive me back if you’re dead?”

his brows furrow and he pouts, annoyed that you didn’t fall into his arms and blush because of his (your) raunchy words. he turns away from you and opens his door to leave, brattily huffing out a, “hmph. shut up, dumbass.” with his head held up high in the air, he struts away pompously to the trunk, opening and closing it loudly. a picnic basket with food you both made together in one hand, and a soft quilt of constellations made by haibara & nanami for suguru’s previous birthday in the other.

how fitting.

you loudly snicker to yourself while getting out of the car, amused by your boyfriend’s spoiled antics. while suguru is front of you admiring the view and trying to find a spot to set up, you admire the view in front of you. whistling out a, “damn…” suguru scoffs at your flirty behavior and gives you the finger. you send an air kiss back, and he playfully swats it away.

when he turns away again, you smile to yourself dreamily. taking out your phone, you click a quick candid of him against the night sky, admiring at how he looks like a painting.

the cream of his sweater and the contrast of his cascading ink-black hair entrances you, the silver hairpin you got him during a couple’s trip to kyoto in the top of his bun. the dangling deep violet amethyst gem glints in the moonlight, making him look even prettier. he turns his head to the left, from here you can’t see his eyebrow piercing or his lip piercing since they’re both on the right side of his face, but you do see his eyebrow slit — a scar which you’ve softly traced over many times. his side profile allures you effortlessly, the angular bridge of his nose and the soft cupid’s bow of his lip offering up a beautiful contrast that is suguru: graceful yet strong.

shaking your head slightly, you break out of your trance.

you go back to the task at hand, opening your notes app and ticking off the word at the top of your list.

stargazing. ✔️

you remember suguru mentioned it in passing one day when you were both in the beginning stages of your relationship. it was on his date bucket-list ever since he could remember, and of course you wanted to be the one who would take him!

you guide him over to a little meadow overlooking the city. surrounding you both are beautiful moonflowers, their sweetness enveloping your sinuses. the air is cool and crisp, and in the distance you hear the faint chirps & buzzing of hummingbirds along with the faint caws of ravens. you’re proud of yourself that you were able to find a place this picturesque. (even to this day, you still have an urge to impress suguru in any way that you can.)

both of you sit on the quilt suguru sets down, the homemade cloth providing an extra layer of cushioning that you feel atop the softness of the grass.

you’re upon the hill clearing, close enough to the city that you can comfortably drive back while still seeing a few citylights from where you are, but far away enough that the light pollution wouldn’t interfere with the date you had planned.

“it’s pretty.” suguru glances at the view, praising you while taking out the tonkatsu sandwiches, pasta salad, & chocolate covered strawberries from your picnic wicker-basket. you pick up a bag of chips and start munching on it while he lays down on his back propped up on his elbows, opening up a banana milk to sip on.

“i’m glad you like it,” your words are muffled in between loud crunches and fast chewing, “i was worried we’d be attacked by a mountain lion or a swarm of bees or some shit.” you say honestly.

he blinks. “i wasn’t worried about that. but i am now.” he takes another sip of his banana milk in case it’s his last.

he sits up and picks up the tonkatsu sandwich, handing you the bigger half. “but seriously, how’d you find this place?”

you take the smaller half from his grasp instead, switching with him. taking a bite, you hum happily. suguru is such a good cook. he smiles at you fondly and you answer him, “i was searching up good places to look at the stars. out of all the pictures and reviews, this was the prettiest one.”

you look up at him and swear that you see an actual twinkle in his eyes.

“stargazing?” he pushes his bangs back behind his ear, leaning into your face. loudly repeating, “STARGAZING???” nose pressed against yours, an excitedly manic look in his eyes.

he throws his head back and waves his arms in the air, lamenting, “i should’ve bought a fucking telescope!”

he directs his gaze back towards you, pointing his finger at you accusingly while demanding, “we are coming here again in the future, okay? i’ll bring all of my astronomy gear: a telescope, binoculars, a constellation book, and oooooh! maybe i’ll also bring…” you unintentionally tune him out, looking at him adoringly with stars in your eyes.

this is what you wanted to see.

if you’re being honest with yourself, the best thing to experience in your life is getting to see suguru act genuinely excited. his eagerness to discover new things is infectious, and the man before you is the real suguru: dorky, eclectic, passionate.

the graceful, poised, & elegant man you see when he meets new people and the air of sultriness & suaveness he has when he takes you on fancy dates are utterly enchanting & beguiling, but you think that suguru you see before you now — the excitable nerd, is the most beautiful.

he flicks your forehead, breaking you out of your reverie. “have you been listening to a word i’ve been saying?” he scolds you while pinching your cheek extra hard.

“yeah, you want a telescope so you can look at the stars. also, you look really pretty… the stars ain’t got nothin’ on you.” you rest your chin in your hand, smirking at him, reveling in the blush that paints his cheeks. it was just the cold wind!, he’d tell you later while playfully smacking you upside the head.

you continue, “plus, it’s really hot when you’re all stern and tellin’ me off. what’s my incentive to listen to every word you say if i can get you scoldin’ me instead?” you tilt your head against your hand, grin wide, teeth bared. the masochist in you wants him to scold you even further.

he crosses his arms at you, muscles bulging out of his cream cableknit sweater. your eyes drink up the adonis right in front of you, mentally undressing him. “instead of hitting on me, how about i explain all of the constellations to you in extreme detail?” he purrs to you while biting his lip. he flips his hair over his shoulder, sultrily looking at you. you see right through him of course, knowing that he’s appeasing to your attraction to him just so he can ramble about ursa major, ursa minor, & the big dipper.

frankly. it works.

he holds his hand out to you. a truce.

you shrug. “if you do it like a hot stern professor, then sure.” you both shake on it.

he rolls his eyes playfully, trying to stop the smile that threatens to creep up on his face. “ugh. fine. be quiet and come over here.” he picks you up underneath your thighs and puts you in between his legs. your back pressed against his warm, sturdy chest. he kisses you on the head, appreciative of your indulgence of him.

you giggle cutely and move yourself down, laying your head in his lap while he softly plays with your hair. his lovesick gaze, fond smile, & warm thighs envelope your body, filling your senses with suguru. he leans down and presses a soft kiss against your forehead, an addicting contrast of his cold lip ring & warm soft lips electrifying your skin.

he pops a single chocolate-covered strawberry in your mouth, and you playfully nip his finger. he traces your lips softly and starts playfully lecturing you about the constellations that grace the night sky.

he excitedly points at a cluster of three bright stars, “and that is orion’s belt!”

you point at a bright star in the night sky a few lightyears away from it, grin unbelievably wide.

“i think you might be missing one, babe. and you call yourself the modern-day galileo. heh.” you playfully tease him.

suguru rolls his eyes, “okay first of all, i have never called myself that. second of all — excuse me?” his scoff is slightly haughty, & he can’t help the indignant laugh that escapes out of him. “alright, since you know so much — enlighten me then, what’s that one called?”

“hmm… i believe it’s sugurugeto-020390.”

suguru’s eyes widen ridiculously like flying saucers.

“what?”

you push yourself out of his grasp to pull out a certificate from your purse and hand it to him. you sit next to him cross-legged, gauging his reaction.

“trust me, i wish i could get a better name for it, but it turns out there’s a lot of suguru geto’s in the world.”

pausing for a moment, you want to make sure that your boyfriend knows that he’s the only suguru geto on your mind.

giving him bedroom eyes, you purr, “none like you of course.”

he blinks. “what?”

your face falls comically, and you pout, “that bright star in the sky is yours.” you point at it haphazardly. “you’re the light of my life, you illuminate my life, you’re the sole star and center of my universe, blah blah blah… so i figured… ya know…!” you gesticulate wildly, and in the moonlight suguru can see the slight blush on your cheeks. your eyes looking everywhere else but his own.

you’re shy.

he can feel the sinus pressure building up against his nose and the tears glaze over his eyes.

you scratch the back of your head, trying to save face. you quickly backtrack, “i know it’s a bit cheesy and honestly, technically, this was probably a scam, but i figured it was the thought that counts and–”

“shut up.”

you look up at him in a state of shock, “HAH???”

he grabs your cheeks, his silver rings cool against your face, and smashes his lips against your own, teeth slightly knocking against yours. in his excitement, he pushes you down and straddles you, pinning you down to the grass — his body a comforting weight on top of you. he kisses you breathlessly, moaning loudly in your mouth. you can both taste the fruitiness of the strawberry on each others tongues, your own being pressed softly against his piercing. you pull away softly, needing to take a breath.

and the sight above you is one you don’t think you’ll ever want to forget.

suguru’s seductive low-lidded gaze is locked on you, parts of his bangs wisped across his face from the momentum of pouncing on you. he’s breathing heavily, and you can feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against yours, his nipple piercings slightly poking into your chest. a rosy blush spreads itself on his cheeks like a strawberry jam, and you don’t think any view could compare to the one you’re blessed to see now.

his lips are red and glossy, aching to kiss you again. you nod softly, begging him to continue. he slots his lips back with your own, tracing your bottom lip with his tongue before he bites down sensually, groaning loudly when he hears you whimper. he curls an arm underneath your body while kissing you passionately, bringing you closer to him, enveloping you into his space. all you can think about in this moment is: suguru. suguru. suguru.

pulling away once more, and peering deep into his amber orbs, you think that his eyes carry the most beautiful stars. a milky way of ochre and obsidian.

never casting your fond gaze aside, you intertwine your hand with his, bringing it to your lips, kissing each knuckle fervently.

his alluring gaze follows your devoted actions. butterflies brush their wings together inside his stomach, the flutter erupting throughout his whole entire being. he thinks that in the moonlight, underneath the canopy of stars that…

you are the most brightest.

the most beautiful.

the most meaningful.

“honey! i’m hoooooooome!”

you feel unbelievably ecstatic that you can finally get to see your dear boyfriend after two weeks of being apart!

you already have the whole day planned out, perhaps you two can get takeout from your favorite local restaurant and watch anime together! you giggle happily to yourself while thinking about how you both can snuggle and have a cozy day in.

you take your shoes, coat, & purse off by yourself, wondering if suguru is out. usually by the time you’re at the door, suguru is already there welcoming you back with a massive kiss and a “missed you baby.” softly whispered in your ear, especially if you go on a long trip…

hmm, that’s a bit odd.

now that you’re looking around…

the apartment is in complete disarray.

it looks like a tornado blew through the whole place.

you shuffle in further… and dirty dishes are piled in the sink, overflowing dangerously. suguru’s clothes, random knick knacks, and pillows are strewn about as if he threw them all in a fit of rage. crumbs litter the carpet and you see what looks to be dirt tracks on the floorboards. the laundry is stacked high and the air is stuffy, it seems like no windows were opened in the time that you were away.

worriedly, you run into your shared bedroom.

suguru is there, thank god safe & sound, but what you see breaks your heart.

he’s laid face down, the left side of his cheek smooshed into the pillow, black tear tracks staining the fabric… he must’ve cried on a day when he went out? the bedroom is filled with dirty clothes on the floor, and you’re pained to smell the stench of cigarettes in the air. it’s light… maybe he only smoked one… but the fact that he felt the need to smoke at all, shattered your soul.

especially considering he quit ages ago when he started dating you.

you walk towards him lightly, not wanting to scare him off. his eyes are open and he looks at you… but he’s not really looking at you.

“you alright there, precious?” you softly whisper.

a perfunctory question. you know he’s not. he knows he’s not. but you know he’s in no state to answer any questions that you have.

“mhm.” he hums quietly. lethargic, not even having the willpower to answer with anything but a light rasp.

you brush back his bangs, and he shudders. his hair is greasy, oil-black hair clumping together in some places, matted in others. his lips are slightly chapped, a bit bloodied no doubt from his habit of biting his lip when he’s anxious. his fingernails are no stranger to the same action, stubbed and jagged down to the nailbed, his black nail polish chipped. bright amber eyes which often have a gentle look in them have turned into a dull ochre, obsidian pupils overtaking his irises.

they’re still gentle because he’s looking at you… but if you’re being honest with yourself, his eyes remind you a bit of a black hole right now.

vacant of light.

you press a soft kiss against his forehead and leave the room momentarily, thinking to yourself if anything can be done about this situation.

you decide to shoot satoru a quick text, seeing if he can help you out a bit with what you want to do.

you breathe out a sigh of relief, a small smile gracing your face. you can always count on satoru. the man may be silly and eclectic, but at the core of his being, he’s someone who will always take care of and look out for his friends. he’s the type of person to drop anything to help those that he loves and adores.

(sometimes you think that satoru really was an angel put onto earth.) (but then you think that he was probably cast out of heaven for being a little shit.) (regardless, you still fucking love him for it.)

you walk back into the room, and lay your head against your pillow that is next to suguru’s. (it smells like him… he must’ve hugged it while you were away.)

cradling his cheek, you quietly say, “satoru’s also back from his business trip babe, he’ll be coming in about 10 minutes. how about you get a bit of sunshine with him, hmm?” he blinks slowly, nodding softly.

you hold his hand to help him up out from the bed, but he shoos you away, admonishing you slightly, “i can do it myself.”

you nod and leave him to it, mentally preparing yourself for the behemoth cleaning task ahead when he leaves.

suguru pads slowly into the bathroom and puts his hair up in a high ponytail with a hairtie he stole from you, not wanting to deal with it. he washes his face and gets a wet rag to pat down his body and underarms, not having the energy to shower. putting on a random black sweatshirt, he douses himself in your favorite cologne of his. he puts on your strawberry lip balm while popping a piece of mint gum in his mouth. with a tired sigh, he exits the bathroom, dragging his feet to where you are at the door.

he kisses your temple gently. you plant a soft kiss his against knuckles. you think your eyes deceive you see a semblance of a twinkle in his eyes. “love you baby. i’ll bring you back somethin’.” he rasps out softly.

even in his darkest times, even when his mind is playing tricks on him, he’s still thinking of you. wanting to take care of you. desiring to show his affections towards you in any way that he can.

you simply want to return the favor.

satoru arrives, wearing a crisp white button up and black tinted glasses, his snowy white hair shining like starlight thanks to the sunbeams that hit him. he hugs suguru gently, placing a soft kiss against his temples. suguru, dressed in all black just nods his head lightly at him. he’s not really interested in going out but knows that you two will force him regardless, reminding him that getting sunshine and looking at different scenery is important.

as they get into the car and back out of the driveway, suguru waves lightly at you, eyes tired yet gentle. satoru winks at you, proud & thankful that suguru has someone that cares so deeply for his mental, emotional, and physical wellbeing.

waving them both a goodbye, you go back inside and put on your cleaning playlist, ready to get started.

the first thing you do is open up the blinds and windows, wanting to air out the stuffiness that had built up over the past two weeks. considering the fact that suguru got a tinge paler and his undereyes looked sunken, you don’t think he got even a single beam of sunshine or any semblance of fresh air in the time that you were away.

padding over to the kitchen, you begin by doing the dishes. wearing your matching baby blue dishgloves, you get to work. it seems like suguru got anxious by seeing all the dishes piled up and started using some paper plates, which would explain the overflowing trash as well. the dishes are caked with food, but soften a bit by dousing them in water along with spritzing a powerwash grease-lifting spray. you sigh happily, glad that this will make it easier. after washing, drying, and putting away the dishes, you turn your attention to the kitchen surfaces.

you wipe down the counter and dining table in circular motions with a lemon-verbena spray, disposing of any old particles of food and random dust that lay upon the surfaces. already in your cleaning mode, you start to feel a little bit more energized.

opening up the refrigerator, you see that it’s been practically untouched. unfortunately, you gag when you smell rotting veggies and fruits, promptly rushing to your kitchen cabinet to get your trash bag to toss any old food away. you mentally remind yourself to get groceries in the morning, maybe if suguru is feeling a bit better after today you both can go together!

walking into the living room, you get your cleaning towel to beat the dust out of all the furniture. usually you & suguru both start with the bedrooms, but this time you figure you’d start with the living room as it’s in a bit of a better shape than the bedroom.

after you finish beating the living hell out of your cushions, you get to swiffering, mopping, and vacuuming — humming and singing loudly to suguru’s favorite songs on your shared cleaning playlist.

you go into the bedroom and start by gathering all of the clothes on the floor and the ones in the hamper to put inside the washing machine. you look around and do the same with the bedsheets and pillow cases, rubbing the eyeliner out of suguru’s pillowcase with some makeup remover first.

cleaning out all of the drawers, you make sure to throw away any random trash and only keep what’s necessary. clutter bothers both you and suguru, so you do your best to try and minimize that. you pick up empty bottles off the nightstand and throw them away. at least he drank a bit of water.

turning your attention to your bookcase, you wipe down the multitude of pictures of you & suguru that he put in frames.

there’s a few of both of you smiling after going on cute dates — suguru’s grin unbelievably wide while flipping off the camera and holding you close to his chest as you laugh loudly. there’s ones of you gazing at him adoringly, your love for him seeping out of the picture. there’s others of him looking at you — a soft fondness in his eyes, an even softer smile gracing his lips, his affectionate gaze tuning out anyone and anything else that isn’t you. both framed and pinned to the wall are multiple candids you two took of one another when the other wasn’t looking or paying attention, bursts of love immortalized in random moments of time.

you tell yourself that the sniffle you do is just because of the dust.

clearing your throat slightly, you look around proudly. you’re done!

you spray each room with a cotton spray, inhaling the fresh linen scent happily. you light up a teakwood candle that suguru bought a few weeks ago in the living room and put a sandalwood diffuser in the bathroom, freshening up the place. you take a well-deserved shower, feeling properly clean and accomplished.

by the time you’re done, it’s around 5:30 P.M in the evening and satoru texts you that they’re on their way and will be back home in approximately 30 minutes.

you get a can of sprite, his preferred soda, out from the fridge and put it on the counter. you decide to place an order for takeout from suguru’s favorite local spot, one that sells cold zaru soba noodles, his favorite food. you place another order at his favorite bakery for matcha crepes, his most loved dessert. the zaru soba will come within an hour and a half, but the dessert will come sooner so you also order a flower delivery too — a cute little surprise which will come within the same amount of time as the crepes.

you figure that you’ll also do the same for satoru, a little thank-you present for when he comes back to his own apartment. you order a bouquet of narcissus & holly for him, internally hoping that he likes it. you also order all of his favorite desserts from his favorite bakery! knowing that he will happily fill himself up on raspberry macarons, strawberry cake, vanilla mochi, chocolate donuts, & zunda cream kikufuku to his heart’s desire.

walking back into the bathroom, you get the most important part of your night started.

suguru finds his heart a bit lighter when he comes back to your shared home. he didn’t want to admit it to satoru… but he actually had a fun time eating, shopping, and listening to his hilarious stories about his shitty business trip. he’d be lying though if he said that he wasn’t most excited to see you after a long, eventful day.

in his hand are a bunch of shopping bags from stores that satoru dragged him to — clothes from your favorite stores, accessories & bags that you most wear, shoes that you need, books & knick knacks that you like — all for you. he bought a few for himself of course, but he mainly wanted to spoil you. he can’t help the small smile that creeps up on his face when he thinks about how excited you’ll be to see the gifts he got you.

thinking back on it, the guilt and shame he felt in his heart when you first saw him earlier today ate him up. he didn’t even know why he was feeling the way he was feeling so strongly. it was coincidence that it coincided with your trip, and he made sure that he would sound fun and happy over text as to not worry you. it wasn’t until a few days from when you were actually set to arrive that he didn’t even have the energy to talk or text you.

hell, he didn’t even have the energy to keep the apartment tidy or keep himself in check either. another pang of guilt hits him like a freight truck. he concludes that he’ll give you a spa day so he can clean everything up, not wanting you to worry about the mess he made.

he knows from the bottom of his heart that you’d never judge him or make him feel small for feeling the way he felt, he just feels so bad that he couldn’t even muster up the energy to greet you the way you deserved to be greeted. to kiss you. to hug you. to have a delicious dinner together and snuggle with you.

but no. after a long trip you had to come home and be worried for him. have the apartment be in disarray, have to see him be in disarray. fuck, you were worried enough to call up satoru.

he swears to himself that he’s gonna make it up to you. he swears that–

oh?

what?

suguru’s eyes widen, hands weakly dropping his shopping bags on the floor.

the entire apartment, top to bottom, is spotless.

dishes done and put away. dining table clean. living room tidy. is that… a bouquet of daffodils, his birth flower, on the counter? he also sees the bag from his favorite bakery right next to it too…

he walks around, astonished, at how you’ve made the apartment look brand new.

he reaches the bedroom and sees that the bed is made. his clothes have been clean, dried, and put up in hangers inside his closet. the nightstand, dresser, and bookcase all spotless and wiped free of dust.

a fresh smell envelopes his sinuses. he swallows the lump in his throat. did you smell the single cigarette he smoked? it seems like you aired out the whole apartment. in front of him is a beautiful sunset that waves at him from outside. a sunray beam kisses his cheeks. suguru blinks and feels something wet trailing down his face… it tastes salty on his lips. but feels so warm and sweet.

“suguru?” your angelic voice calls to him.

he turns around and sees you. fresh and clean, a beacon of warmth and illumination. a light blush dusting your cheeks no doubt from all of the hard work you’ve done.

“i ran you a bath. you up for it?” you tilt your head cutely at him, a silent plea in your eyes for him to agree.

feeling like his voice will betray him if he speaks, he nods softly. grabbing his hand, you take him to your shared bathroom, also totally spotless. your hands are soft and small in his, warm for once, because of you taking a hot shower and checking the temperature of the water for suguru’s bath. a sandalwood scent envelopes his nose, no doubt from the diffuser you put inside. he sees the romantic candles and rose petals around the bathtub and he can’t help the smile that overtakes his face.

“for me?” he rasps, a teasing tilt to his voice.

“always. everything and anything i do will always be for you.” you say it seriously. genuinely.

to you, it’s a vow. an oath.

his eyes widen slightly, but he closes them momentarily, not wanting any more tears to spill. he crinkles his eyes and smiles at you softly.

“you joining me?” he undresses, taking off his sweatshirt and t-shirt. showcasing his tan skin, toned abs, & muscles. his nipple piercings & belly button piercing are on full display and he giggles lightly as you ogle at his body, watching your eyes trace his numerous tattoos & piercings, absolutely mesmerized.

“maybe next time,” you smirk, a playful twinkle in your eyes. “figured i could do a little pamper session, is that alright with you?” you ask him caringly, wanting to make sure that he’s comfortable with it first & foremost.

he fears that if he speaks any louder than a whisper, the love that overcomes him will drown his airways. he rasps out a small, “yeah.”

always. anything and everything you do will always be right for me.

he gets into the bath and you try to not let your eyes trail down, instead focusing your gaze on his dragon tattoo that encompasses his entire back along with the mythological japanese creatures that trail up his arms and ribcage like tapestry. you see one of your favorites, a black and white beta fish upon his ribs, submerged underneath the water he’s in.

from this angle, you can also see your name that he tattooed behind his ear. smiling to yourself, you sit behind him, ready to begin the pamper session.

his sloshes the rose petals around with his fingers. the water is warm, is his first thought. i wish you were in here with me, is his second.

your fingers stroke his hair softly, lulling him into a false sense of security, and then you get to work, vigorously rubbing in his lavender shampoo. he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. for some reason anytime you two would take baths or take showers together, you would always wash his scalp aggressively. “this is how i wash my hair sugu! what’s a little run through gonna do? we gotta keep clean!” did clean mean damn near ripping out his hair follicles? possibly.

he’d never stop you or scold you however, he thinks it’s hilarious and an endearing trait of yours. when he washes your hair he makes sure to be as soft and careful as possible, almost lulling you to sleep. when you wash his hair however, it’s like you’re turbowashing a pickup truck. he figures this time he’ll give you a pass (he always does) considering that he doesn’t think he’s washed his hair in around a week and a half.

“gonna rinse now, okay?” he hums quietly, closing his eyes.

this almost feels like a purification process to him.

you lather shampoo in his hair once again wanting to do a double cleanse, this time a bit more softly. you massage his scalp, and he tips his head back. you start from the crown of his head, working in circular motions, using your fingertips. then you go to the roots of his hair, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering, pressing and lathering.

you push his head forward slightly so you can clean the back of his head too, massaging the pressure points in his scalp. you were always a good masseuse, therefore a deep sigh escapes him, tension leaving his body by the second. (this might be the first time in two weeks where he’s been able to breathe comfortably.) you run your fingers throughout the clean strands of his hair, humming a little tune to yourself.

“they called me.” your hands still for second, but resume back to carefully twisting the water out his silky black hair. you stay quiet, knowing that when suguru speaks he prefers to get it all out there first.

“must’ve been like, what, two days after you left?” a humorless laugh escapes him. “they always know when to fuck up my mood. i swear.”

he sighs tiredly. “they went on a whole spiel about how i need to come back home and find a ‘real job’ as a hotshot lawyer or some fancy businessman, as if i don’t run my own tattoo parlor. as if i’m not also a real fucking businessman. like, do they think i don’t make any money? that i can’t comfortably take care of us both?” he rolls his eyes, getting annoyed again just thinking about how long the same repeated conversation had gone on.

suguru’s family is relatively well-off. he’s genuinely thankful that both him & satoru never had to worry about how to put food on the table or be worried about not being able to spoil the people that they loved.

it’s just that his parents were angry that their picture-perfect little boy wanted to spread his wings… see a world that had more to offer than quiet dinner table meals filled with tension and pointed jabs at one another guised as “caring advice.”

their image of suguru started to get distorted when he first showed up on their doorstep with his gauges. an act of rebellion. he could’ve worn small simple diamond studs but he wanted to make an impression: i’m my own person. even as a 13 year old boy, i can make this decision on my own. he remembers the way his father said he looked foolish. how his mother held her hand over her heart, in shock that her little baby boy had tainted himself in such a manner. what would others say?

suguru remembers looking in the mirror after the whole fiasco & thinking: god… they’d say i look so fucking cool.

then it started with sneaking out to go on late night drives with satoru, shoko, nanami, & haibara. they’d jam out to random songs on the radio, get slurpees & snacks, and sit in satoru’s car just talking about life and their future for hours. suguru still remembers the way his bangs wisped across his face, the crisp night air purifying his soul, the stars in the sky illuminating the landscape. the world seemed bigger those days and the gang were enjoying their teenage years. enjoying their youth.

he remembers coming home, his father waiting for him on the couch, pointing to the seat next to him, forcing suguru to sit down. his father’s arms crossed, black turtleneck making his muscles bulge slightly out of his sweater, his specs on the bridge of his nose making him look so serious. suguru found it easy to make eye contact with everyone in the world, but with his father he couldn’t help but look away sometimes… so he redirected his gaze to the tiny delicate beauty mark near his fathers right eye. a small little thing that made his father look a bit more… prettier. nicer. less daunting.

“where were you?” the timbre of his father’s voice rattled his bones. he muttered those three words quietly, but it still shattered suguru’s eardrums regardless.

“out. with my friends.”

he scoffs. “some friends they are.” a deep resounding ring of utter disappointment comes from his father’s words.

suguru sneers at the man, pissed that he would even think to disrespect suguru’s choice of friends like that. “yeah, they’re the best.” not an ounce of sarcasm lacing his words. his own mood dampened, nevertheless.

he recalls stomping all the way upstairs and slamming the door with all his might. sitting on his bed and resting his head against the window pane, eyes looking up at the same stars he saw when hanging out with his friends.

the stars seemed so far away from suguru’s room.

the world looked so big. suguru felt so small.

then one day, months later, suguru kissed a pretty boy. he can’t quite remember his name anymore, just that his lips were soft and his eyes were kind. suguru’s parents found out. his dad was surprisingly fine with it… he just assumed it was a phase, he went through the same thing as his son did when he was his age. his mother however… she just acted like it never happened the next morning. as if it wasn’t just a part of who he is.

his parents thought he was rebelling for the sake of rebellion. in actuality, it was suguru’s true self coming out. he was just getting more comfortable in his own skin. he was tired of being the picture perfect beauty who always was demanded of being polite, poised, & graceful. it was always too easy for him to put on a fake smile and manipulate others into doing what he wanted for the sake of his family’s reputation, it’s what he was taught. being at that house, it felt like he was kept on a tight leash, restricted from living his life. he felt caged like a bird…

but he just wanted to be free.

all he wanted was to just truly be himself in this world.

a kiss against his scalp breaks him out of his reverie.

right… he was here with you. he doesn’t have to spiral or worry anymore. you’re here. with him.

you’re here, you’re here, you’re here.

he shudders softly, taking your hand, holding it tight within his grasp. anger laces his next words, “they also said it’s time i get into a ‘real relationship’. whatever the fuck that means.”

you giggle. you know that his parents aren’t too fond of you. you’re not exactly of the same… class or status as them. at least that’s what suguru’s mother told him.

he huffs out a single dry laugh, “i’m glad you’re giggling about it because i nearly popped a fucking blood vessel screaming into my phone when they said that shit.”

“my protector.” you coo to him.

a light blush tinges his cheeks. always.

he presses a kiss against your palm. “i think it just made me… spiral a bit, y’know? reminded me of when i was kid and they made every little decision for me. i mean i’m a fucking adult now — i can decide what i do, who i wanna be, and who i want to be with.”

so when he got that phone-call from them on that day he was supposed to go to some rock concert… he did the one thing he promised himself he’d never do again. he lit a cigarette, and cried his eyes out into his pillow.

while sobbing, he remembered when he was in his early twenties and he’d sleep around with anyone and everyone, smoke blunts & cigarettes, go bar-hopping… do everything the picture-perfect pretty boy would never be allowed to do under his parents roof. his family just made him so miserable that he would do anything to not think of them.

he heard your voice in his head, reminding him, that instead of continuing on that self-destructive streak, he got his shit together. art & drawing was always his safe haven, so he found himself an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor, getting a job as a piercer and ultimately working his way up to being a tattooist. he owns his own place now — all his hard work & effort paid off.

his mind travels back to you. his true love.

ever since the moment he met you, he was mesmerized by your beauty, your personality, and your loving words & actions.

suguru’s heart and sobs only calmed down when he thought of you. his beloved. his angel. his reason to be. he hugged your pillow a bit tighter that night, imagining it was you.

“i’m proud of you, you know.” you say it so genuinely that it tugs on his heartstrings, making his heart skip a beat.

“you’ve been through a lot of shit with your parents, but at the end of the day, you chose to follow what your heart desired — not whatever they wanted. you’re successful in what you do and you made the right decision. it doesn’t matter what the hell they say, because they don’t know the effort and time it took you to get where you are.” you say it so passionately, that suguru believes every word that comes out of your mouth. his heart racing, thankful that somebody fucking understands him.

“you’re kind. you’re caring. you’re so unbelievably loving. you’re always looking out for others and helping anyone that needs it… you’re a good fucking person, suguru. i hope you know that and realize that. it doesn’t matter what anyone else says, you are good. what you do is good. who you are is good. it’s an honor to be able to love you and be with you. i hope you know that.”

for the first time in a while, suguru turns around and really looks at you. the way you bare your soul to him so effortlessly, the way you smile so sweetly at him, the way you make him feel like he’s your one true love.

“i’m so thankful for you. i love you… and i want to be with you, too. always.” his voice breaks a little, overcome with emotion.

suguru hugs you tightly, neither of you caring about the wetness on your clothes. suguru puts his entire spectrum of feelings towards you into the hug — an apology, a thank you, and a proclamation of love.

voice a bit shaky, he laughs, “sorry for getting you all wet. i know how much you hate drenched clothes.”

“you apologizing for getting me wet? now that’s a first.” you purr playfully, glad to see him in better spirits.

a loud laugh bellows out from suguru, deep within his gut. he kisses your lips preciously, and sits back down in the water, urging you to continue.

the mood now is far lighter. the air thick with a sweet steam.

you rinse his hair and gently put his lavender conditioner through his hair. massaging it in, running your fingers through his silky smooth strands. you put his hair up in a clip for a few minutes to let the product soak in. he washes it out himself while you start the shower, making sure you put in his favorite honey-almond bodywash. he gives you a silly yet oddly sultry show when he lathers himself and he promptly comes out, steaming and refreshed. you help him do his skincare routine, softly rubbing each and every product into his skin. he towels off and sits down, hairbrush in his hand, looking at you.

“here, let’s do this first.” you blow dry his hair, taking your time and allowing suguru to lull his head back onto your front, the soft black tresses of your beloved’s hair feeling much more revitalized in your fingers. you then brush his hair, gently, carefully. the entire time, you notice that suguru’s eyes are closed and he’s smiling to himself. you kiss him on the top of his head, and he turns to kiss you back. eyes closed, his lips puckered…

but just then, the doorbell rings.

“OOH! perfect timing!” you scurry off. you leave a pouting suguru who huffs out a little “hmph.” annoyed that whoever was at the door took a very well-deserved kiss away from him.

he patters softly to the kitchen where you’re setting out cold zaru soba noodles for him along with a can of sprite and matcha crepes. all of his favorites.

you hold a bouquet of flowers. daffodils.

“for you.” you curtsy, a mirthful twinkle in your eyes. he graciously accepts them from you, a shy smile and light flush across his cheeks.

“thank you.”

kissing his knuckles you whisper, “anything for you.”

for once in his whole entire life, suguru doesn’t think he can bear to look you in the eye. your adoration is so unbelievably intense, it feels like it’ll burn a hole inside his heart. does he deserve so much goodness in his life?

“you deserve more than what i can give you. i’ll spend my whole life making sure you realize that, suguru.” you say to him honestly. “if you’ll allow me of course.”

he kisses you on the lips softly, hoping that you can feel how thankful and lucky he is that he has you. “likewise.”

he clears his throat. “okay, c’mon. i’m starving. i wanna watch that stupid anime and shit talk that hot guy you like on screen while we snuggle.”

“he’s the best character, suguru!” you huff indignantly. clearly he can’t be talking about thee toji fushiguro???

“babe. he SUCKS.”

he knows you so well, he muses to himself.

he knows how your breath hitches after he nuzzles his lips against the curve of your neck, that the skin is sensitive there, but not as sensitive as your right ear. he knows that because of the way your knees buckle as he whispers soft romances to you, intense shivers overtaking your body. he makes sure that his arm is always wrapped tender yet firmly around your waist when that happens, trapping you against his unyielding body.

he knows what makes you tick. on the rare occasion that you allow your emotions to overcome you, he knows how to comfort you. he leaves you alone for a few moments so you’re able to gather your thoughts & assess your bearings, and then he invites you into his warm embrace. he lets you lay your head in his lap as he strokes your hair gingerly, easing your soul with both honest and kind words. adorning your face with soft kisses and even softer caresses. a cocoon of protection.

it seems like these days, however, he hasn’t had a proper grasp on you. you can’t hide a single thing from him, he knows that you would never willingly do so either.

it’s not like you want to anyways — not that you intend to, at least.

but it’s an aching feeling in his chest, nonetheless.

earlier in the week, you’d softly shut your bedroom door whenever you saw him, pretending as if you couldn’t see each other… as if he wasn’t there. it’s moments where he found you haphazardly digging for shit in your drawers, tucking whatever it was into your pockets and padding away softly to your room. you’d stay in there for hours, only coming out when he knocked on your door to tell you dinner was ready. he heard lots of rustling and you pretended as if you were just chilling in there, as if nothing was going on. sometimes when he knocked on your door to see what you were up to, all he heard back was an “i’m busy, baby! i’ll be out soon!” then it became even more odd, you’d quickly shut off your phone whenever he came into the room and would plaster a bright smile at him as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

he sighs to himself. he trusts you. he loves you. he knows you’re not doing anything heinous.

but… why won’t you tell him what’s bothering you? don’t you trust him to fix whatever is wrong? it eats away at his mind & soul that you think you have to hide whatever it is that’s taking you from him. don’t you know that he’d drop anything for you? that’s what being in love is for, right?

his eyes peer at you from the couch, studying you. he calls out to you softly, “angel. can we talk, please?”

a statement posed as a question. he knows this. you know this. you answer regardless.

“sure.”

you walk towards him, intentionally adding a lackadaisical swagger to your steps. to fool him. you know it won’t, he knows it won’t. but suguru isn’t anything if a man who doesn’t indulge his beloved.

he pats the seat next to him on the couch. inviting. as if he’s giving you a choice, even though you know you have none at the moment. “sit next to me, my love.” his smile is taut like a string, amber eyes shut closed so you don’t bear witness to the tears that threaten to spill.

he knows you’re hiding something.

he doesn’t like not being in the know.

is it something he did?

is it something you did but are too afraid to tell him?

since when were you afraid of him?

were you always–?

in the few seconds it takes you to sit down, a myriad of questions race through suguru’s head, creating a spiral of untamable negative thoughts. you would talk to him if something was wrong, right? you both have a healthy communication and always talk things over with each other… so what’s different now? do you not trust him?

suguru chastises himself, thoroughly.

of course you wouldn’t want to speak to someone like him.

always the overthinker. always the nagging negative nancy. always the manic-depressive.

sometimes suguru fears that he acts more like a father to you rather than a boyfriend.

that he’s a bit suffocating. too intense. very overbearing.

a warm hand engulfs both of your small, cold ones. he hopes that it comes off as sweet, as caring. because he himself is sweet and caring.

at least he hopes he comes off like that.

“is everything alright, sweetheart?” a soft whisper. he speaks placatingly to you like you’re a newborn fawn and any loud noises or large movements will make you jolt and run away. “i feel like… you’ve been avoiding me recently. and…” he takes a deep breath. “listen, i don’t know if it’s something i did, but you need to tell me, okay? you have to tell me so i can make it better.”

he thinks he sounds nurturing. kind. paternal.

he also thinks he sounds so fucking condescending.

he closes his eyes and a picture of a man darts across his eyelids like an overdeveloped photo.

strict, heavy-handed, cutthroat.

paternal and protective to a fault. a man who was always “right” even when he was wrong.

an “apathetic” man who bore a child who thought too much – felt too much.

a flash of a sophisticatedly handsome man with obsidian shoulder length hair, serious low-lidded eyes, and a firm closed mouth sears itself across suguru’s brain like a charred photograph.

he flings away the afterimage as quickly as it came. pretending as if he never even thought of it.

he gulps, swallowing the fireball in his throat. god, he really doesn’t want to be like… him. having a majority of his features is enough, he does not want to inherit that man’s personality.

suguru absentmindedly rubs the slit in his eyebrow, his grip unintentionally tightening on your hands. he releases moments after, not wanting to cause you any pain.

“everything is fine with me sugu, i promise you.” you reassure him. “it wasn’t my intention to avoid you or make you feel like you did anything wrong… i am so sorry if it came off like that.” you answer him honestly. your head is tilted to the side like a little puppy, brows furrowed, upset that you made him feel like you were trying to get away from him.

“no, no no no no no, baby it’s not your fault.” he quickly grabs your cheeks, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead. he brings you against his chest, hugging you tightly. “don’t apologize honey, i’m sorry… i just got into my head a bit.” he quickly placates you and kisses the top of your head. you shouldn’t be the one to suffer because he started to anxiously overthink and spiral.

he looks at the time on his watch. it’s a few minutes past midnight. you both should go to sleep… maybe you can talk it over in bed or in the morning with clear heads.

you exhale softly, shaking your head faintly. you press a delicate kiss against the corner of his lips. telling him, “give me a sec.”, you walk over and into your room.

he nods and watches you saunter away, putting his head into his hands. god… him and his big mouth… he sighs, anxiety crawling up his throat once more. he really didn’t want to upset you or anything, he angrily tells himself to apologize to you when you get back.

hearing you shuffle closer to him, he lifts his head.

in your hands is a… huge book?

“i wanted to give you this tomorrow… well technically today, but i guess it doesn’t really matter.”

he tilts his head, confused. you present him with the thing you’ve been working so hard on.

you smile at him so softly, he thinks that his heart is about to burst. “happy birthday, suguru.”

birthday…? oh god, it is his birthday.

he gently takes the present from you… it’s a scrapbook.

“don’t look at it in front of me! okay, bye!” you quickly sprint into your room, not wanting to be in the room when suguru looks at such a personalized present.

blinking, he grabs his reading glasses from the coffee table, and opens the book, flipping through each page carefully.

photobooth pictures, polaroids, kodak film pictures, movie ticketes from your dates, admission tickets from amusement parks he’s taken you to, and multiple candids of both him and you - many of which he hasn’t seen.

one of them looks awfully familiar… did you take this the day you took him stargazing in the meadow? his fingers brush against his trembling lips, trying to stop himself from sobbing.

is this what you were doing?

he feels so stupid.

but god… does he feel so fucking loved.

you’ve immortalized every single moment of your relationship with him. nothing being too small for you to be excited about, carefully keeping everything.

he sees the little pressed flower of a daffodil enclosed in wax paper on one of the pages, probably from the first time you gave him a bouquet. the first time anyone has presented him with flowers without wanting anything in return. when asked about the occasion, you simply shrugged and said “just felt like it” & then quickly kissed his knuckles, zooming out of his apartment to run errands. he remembers how bashful he felt. how thankful he was. how loved that experience made him feel.

he moves his glasses upwards, wiping the tears across his lashline and the ones that stream down his face. he clears his throat slightly, and continues flipping the pages. you’ve drawn little doodles (things that he’s already planning to get tattooed on him simply because they came from you) and you’ve written beautiful, personal messages. encapsulating your adoration for suguru in the margins — genuine words filled with your love, devotion, and admiration for him.

he sniffs loudly and tries to wipe his face the best he can. he tenderly calls out your name, beckoning you over to him, and you get up out of your shared bedroom to pad softly into his open arms.

“my love.” he stands up and walks over to you midway. he hugs you so tightly while pressing your head against his beating heart, his arms protectively enveloping you. the space between you two is nonexistent, and suguru surmises that he wouldn’t have it any other way.

conveying his thankfulness and love to you, he sweetly says, “my sweet, sweet girl.” a soft kiss pressed against your hair, “my heart beats for you, forever and always.” from anyone else it’d sound cheesy, but from suguru… you know he means it from the depths of his soul.

“my little dove.” he coos so fondly, sweet candied sugar dripping from every syllable. he holds your face in his gentle hands, openly divulging his admiration for you, “you’re so precious to me, you know that? i love you. i love you. i love you.” a tender kiss pressed against your soft lips between each proclivity of adoration.

you smile graciously, thankful and relieved that he adores your present and that he especially adores you. you knew out of any of your presents that you were going to give him today, that this would be the most meaningful. suguru has always been the ultimate sentimentalist, and you wanted him to know that you care for him so deeply. that you love him. adore him. that your heart beats only for him. pushing back a black tendril of your true love’s hair behind his ear, you kiss him gently. both of your lips fitting together perfectly — like a lock & key.

you bring his knuckles upon your lips, preciously kissing his promise ring, ensuring to him that your love and devotion runs deep, deeper than anything in this world.

“i love you too. happy birthday, my love.” his hands are so gentle. his face is so sweet. suguru… your one true love.

if you asked suguru to describe you in three words, he’d say you were: devoted. loyal. loving.

he has four more of his own on the tip of his tongue that he’ll say to you when he musters up the courage.

with a soft kiss upon the ring on your knuckles, and an even softer smile upon his lips, he lovingly breathes out, “私はあなたを永遠に愛します”

[stayathomesurveys]

154.

Is it currently raining where you are? Nope.  

What’s something that you have been wanting to say to someone? Nothing really. What’s your favorite thing to do at the end of the day? Go to sleep? When did you last use a lighter or matches? A week or so ago. Do you or anyone you know have covid or the flu? No.

Do you have a hard time letting things go? Yes, sometimes. What did you last have to eat? Half of a turkey BLT wrap. Are you allergic to anything that is unusual? No. When did you last feel fear? I am a little scared of getting this cyst or boil or whatever it is checked out today because it will most likely get drained and that grosses me out :( I’m a big baby when it comes to skin infections omg.

What did you last drop? A hair treatment bottle. Have you ever been to a Halloween themed amusement park? I went to Six Flags Fiesta Texas during Halloween when it was like decorated and they had Halloween events. But I’ve never even heard of a theme park specifically themed for Halloween year round. What’s something about your health that you would like to change? A lot. When did you last look on the mirror? Like 30 mins ago. When did you last have to go to the doctor? I have to go today for this cyst or whatever. Before that, I had to go to a Rheumatologist to follow up on abnormal labs and get checked out and get more labs done. What color is your favorite shirt? I don’t really have a favorite. What last made you smile? :) Have you ever walked through a sunflower field? Yes. How often do you listen to music? Pretty much daily. Are you a fan of Taylor Swift? What’s your favorite song from her? Yes. Would you be happy if you got a lifetime supply of the last thing you purchased? Uhhhh. The last thing I purchased was my food last night which was a turkey blt wrap w/ old bay fries, and a chocolate lava cake w/ vanilla ice cream. So, I guess... but also I would get so sick of eating that everyday lmao. What’s something great that has happened to you recently? Hmmmm. How old were you when you had your first best friend? 1.5 lmao. We are still friends :) Do you believe that anything is infinite? Hmmm. Not sure. What did you last order from a fast food restaurant? I don’t remember. How often do you have to purchase shampoo and conditioner? Not super often because I pretty much keep a stock of shampoo, conditoner, body was, face wash, etc. What was the last pain you’ve had on your body? This fucking cyst or whatever oh my god. I woke up this morning and cried. It’s on my inner thigh and I have fat ass thighs that rub together so I have to waddle around to avoid friction AND it felt so full of pressure and like it was going to explode.  Is there anything currently bothering you? ^ Would you ever paint your bedroom bright blue? No. What’s your favorite way to eat rice? I like certain types of rice with certain things. I love rice in general :) Usually I just eat it steamed with whatever I’m having w/ it. Do you currently have a window open? No. What kind of jacket do you like wearing most? I love wearing big winter jackets lmao. Do you own a sherpa blanket? Yes. Are you currently wearing something green? No. Have you recently lost something? No. What’s something that has really impacted your life? Ugh. Idk. What scents can you currently smell? I don’t really smell anything rn. What did you last have as a snack? Girl Scout cookies. Are you currently listening to music? No. Would you say you’re a strong person? Sometimes. What’s something you miss from the past? No responsibilities. When did you last rush for something? Friday. Do you require a lot of personal space or do you enjoy being around people often? I like my space. Have you drank enough water today? No. Do you like lima beans? No. What was the last lie you told? Idk. What did you last plug into an outlet? Hair dryer. Do you have anything due soon? Bills. How many bottles do you see from where you’re sitting? None. What was the last thing you took a picture of? My kittyyyyy.

[paperbagnotes]

No actually I’ll just delete them now

“You keep breaking my heart so much. Showing me how much I really mean to you. And it makes me question why I’ve put so much into wanting to do anything you need me too.. or trying to be someone you can trust to be close to. & This is revealing of how you feel about me which shows me you don’t care! Please tell me I’m wrong but idk what I’m doing here. Idk why I keep letting you show me my love and importance is nothing to you. This is just how I’m feeling. I don’t blame you for anything. But I needed you to Atleast say you even cared about me yesterday and what I was going through but you still left me ignored. I shouldn’t have to be reaching out to you rn. I wish you were honest with me. Idk how to show you how much you mean to me.. but this is so telling of how you can’t see me.. it’s started to hurt me tremendously too feel the way you must value me.. tell me I’m wrong tell me what’s right. Anything, but I’m sure you won’t even open this for days anyways. Idk why I’m here anymore.. it’s all so much at once now. I don’t think you had to blow me off without telling me ahead of time that was your plan. I don’t think you need me around so much to lead me on if that’s what you’re doing and plainly see but ignore my emotions.. I’m so confused and I’m sick of holding my tongue. I don’t want to ever act like I’m not effected by your action. If you’re not thinking of me enough to want to keep me idk what to do anymore. I feel wrong now for wanting anything from you, even for you to just think of me ever or to make you happy at all.. I feel so lost and fucked up with you. And I so desperately wish you could speak to me openly. You can say “one day” but I’ve heard that from you so much do you even believe we could have anything in the future, or I’m just like everybody else to you?” -I think we both know that’s not true?

This changes me.

You can only take so much heart break until you start dimming your own warmth for somebody who keeps hurting you knowingly.. but that’s not me to give up on somebody who’s going through pain on their own to.

If this is too much of a vomit of emotions, my apologies