#I’m probably not the best person to talk about this
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So. Sonic 3. That was. certainly. hoo boy *collapses to the sound of a metal pipe falling*
Spoilers and thoughts under cut (LONG POST)
Well, my pre-movie post was SO WRONG. I think most stobotnik fans were, thinking that Stone would be the one dying. I- truly wasn’t expecting it.
I’ll get back to that in a second, let me get all of my silly things out of the way/the things i was hype about/had to crush my partner and friend’s hands about while witnessing.
The antics between Gerald and Ivo were expected but oh my GOD JIM CARREY. you are a national treasure, have fun in retirement. we will miss you greatly, but this being your final movie (probably) is a great thing to culminate your absolutely stunning career.
Anyway, their dance sequence was fucking insane, and as much as I was cringing, I was grinning through it too. The fight on the Eclipse cannon was also questionable BUT HOLY FUCK NOW I GET THE PRAYING MANTIS/FLY REFERENCE. (Thank god it wasn’t directly about stone and robotnik but i’m already cooking how i can connect them). Spanking? Also in my Sonic movie. But yeah.
Gerald and Ivo could never be more alike in intellect, but different in morals. Evident through Gerald’s fixation on avenging his daughter with no remorse or thought for whoever will get in the way, throwing away Ivo and the whole of the world as a result). He’s willing to kill himself, but as Shadow says and believes, that isn’t what Maria would have wanted.
I used to not like the Wachowskis. I was already a little unsettled when the first movie released by the fact that characters unrelated to previous Sonic media were being utilized as major plot elements, but during the second and third movies, I began to absolutely love them.
This third movie cemented that love. The father-son relationship between Tom and Sonic specifically. My heart was aching in the first scene at their little campsite, Happy BEarthday, and their heart-to-heart in Sonic’s old cave, talking about Choice (an analysis incoming) and that you always have a choice, and that your lungs (heart) will help you find the right one.
I think this movie might’ve done. One of the best jobs of displaying found family. The sibling relationship between Tails, Knuckles, and Sonic was the most heartrendingly beautiful and achingly real thing I’ve seen in a while. And it really hits you, the fact that they’re kids.
And the amount of silly little jokes, Tails having his gadgetry and Knuckles with his blunt personality, Sonic tying them all together with his wit and charm, it all became slightly surreal to see. To see something so happy, so delicately real.
Oh my god, on the trio, Knuckles saving both Sonic and Tails from falling to Earth. I was gasping that whole time, truly being sent into the moment. Movies and media rarely do that to me in the emotional sense.
AND AS FOR SHADOW AND MARIA
Holy fuck at least I was right about that part in my pre-movie wishes. I thought it was interesting how they adapted it, and it definitely made for it to be slightly more believable and less complicated.
But oh my gosh them. Skating around the lab, messing around together, introducing Shadow to that great 70s music and dancing, watching movies together and just being kids!! And don’t even get me started on the rooftop scene. Shadow was so vulnerable and self-conscious, and Maria comforted him in a way that touched me. Understands him in a way that no one else ever has, as everyone else only saw him as the experiment and the subject, while she saw him as his own person, with thoughts and emotions and curiosities.
It paralleled Sonic and Tom in the cinematography too, and the sentiment was all the same. That Shadow can choose who he wants to be. (I Am All I Am and Choice. Trust, it’s coming soon)
Maria and Shadow made me unbearably happy. It was all I could’ve ever asked for and more.
Shadow and Sonic were an absolutely crazy duo this show. Dude, in their fight versus each other? Both going Super and absolutely going at it, and Shadow having the absolute gall to accuse Sonic of not caring about his friends, that he was clearly here alone because he abandoned them, and mention Tom, which caused Sonic to go completely over the edge, and actually punch him straight into space and lose his Super.
Sonic and Shadow reconciling over their shared feeling of grief, Sonic sharing his pain, emphasizing the love that will be able to help them heal, Shadow reciprocating, and then Shadow remembering Maria after looking up at the stars, realizing, from Sonic’s words, that this truly wasn’t what Maria wanted, just that whole moon scene between them is living in my head rent free and I need to see it over and over again.
HOLYYY SHIT THEY PLAYED LIVE AND LEARN WHEN SUPER SONIC AND SUPER SHADOW TEAMED UP AND BEAT THE EVER LIVING FUCK OUT OF THOSE ROBOTS. Me and my friends were going so fucking insane in that theater.
Shadow remembering Maria (possibly for the last time) as he sacrifices himself to push the Eclipse cannon away from the place that Maria loved. Remembering all of the good moments, the love between them, that is all he wanted if he was going to leave the world for good. (Well, I mean, he’s still alive, but the amnesia route is still optional)
Sonic actually going slightly insane this movie was also very interesting to watch. His absolute- like, his vision went RED when Shadow mentioned Tom. That was what set him OFFFF. His abuse of the Master Emerald and even threatening his own best friends/siblings over this— god the emphasis of choice in this film I want to sob.
Also, yall already KNOW I WAS BALLING ABOUT THE AKIRA SLIDE, SNAPCUBE REFERENCES, AND EVERY TIME SHADOW BREATHED OR MOVED. Literally could not contain myself from absolutely sob-cry-screaming at Shadow and (Keanu did a great job btw) his entire story, his joy with Maria and his pain all after. (His Super form looked fuck beautiful, a new colorful hue every time I saw it)
All in all, Robotniks were hilarious, Maria and Shadow were beautifully tragic and just generally so so SO adorable and loving. I’m so glad that Tails and Knuckles got more serious appreciation and screen time this movie as well, because as much as Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles were sidelined in this movie (to put forth Robotniks and Shadow, understandably so), it still felt more fulfilling and real than in the second movie. Super forms continue to be beautiful onscreen, I would like to collapse and die from hearing ONE OK ROCK and Live and Learn.
AHEM. Now, clearly, I will be making a separate post solely about Stobotnik. Along with the multiple Stone-centric fics burning a hole in my brain and the choice and grief analyses awaiting my attention. Bear with me as I have SO MANY THOUGHTS.
We won. . . but at what cost.
My friends, my partner, you already know. We died and were promptly revived together in that theater.
#sonic 3 movie#sonic 3#sonic 3 spoilers#sonic 3 movie spoilers#oh dear lord this movie killed me#welp time to fly on a plane tomorrow#stobotnik#sonic movie universe#sonic the hedgehog#tails the fox#knuckles the echidna#maria robotnik#ivo robotnik#doctor robotnik#agent stone#stone my dear#you are the center of the next few fics#i will never get over your pain#shadow the hedgehog#you either my favorite little guy#your gay little highlights will forever be iconic
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EGO; a callout.
unknowingly, for years now, i’ve been struggling with my own inner ego. what was that ego doing? basically telling me to never take no for an answer.
i want to preface by saying this doesn’t have to be a sign for you, you could be following me and have seen this and i’m a relatively large account here on tumblr, somehow. this also does not apply to all things. this, for the most part, does not apply to reality shifting. when you ask “i’m i going to shift at ‘x’ time and you get a ‘no’, that doesn’t mean give up! there’s a difference between PERSISTENCE (positively defying odds) and NEGATIVE DEFIANCE. i just so happen to negatively be defying what im told.
this post is to simply inform, help people with self concept, and for me to move forward. this will be me exposing myself negatively and some humiliation so i can move forwards. this is not negative self talk, this is putting down the ego that has controlled me for so long.
let me also say ego is something all of us have. how much of it you have determines if it’s good or bad.
since i was young, i was always pushy. i would force my friends to do things i didn’t personally want to do, persuade my parents (because they are divorced) to give me special things because i was sad… and because of that i didn’t like being told no. i still don’t. whenever the word “no” or “not this time” came out of someone’s mouth, i would get angry and throw tantrums. i would take it out on THEM because THEY didn’t see my best interest in mind.
to this day, i am like that. if my mother called me and i asked her to buy me something that i could buy myself, and she said no, i would probably really pissed off at her and shut her out. she’s providing for two kids and two dogs and I have the NERVE to ask her to take money out of HER paycheck from a job SHE just got to buy me something i can ACTIVELY afford myself? no, bitch. that’s fucking ego.
just recently, i had a show, and my mom told me glue eyelashes were harmful, so she didn’t want me getting them for a church show. i didn’t like that answer so i ARGUED with her in PUBLIC about getting FAKE EYELASHES WITH HER MONEY for a SHOW. not even for personal use or to go to school, for a show. a one time thing that would not be long term.
when i finally pushed her over the edge and she caved, i bought them, tried them, used them, and didn’t like them. i went back to the store a week and a half later to return them.
i thought I KNEW what was best for me, and even if i did, i still IGNORED my mothers guidance, went against her will, and did what I WANTED TO DO.
WHAT YOU WANT TO DO ISNT ALWAYS THE RIGHT THING. YOU NEED TO HAVE DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVES FOR A REASON! why do you think most shifters and manifestors only shift/manifest after being in a community and getting guidance? BECAUSE THEY HAVE A DIFFERENT PERSPECTIVE.
this has happened a lot to me, with friends, advisors, teachers, and more. yet i’m going to be a cunt and decide only I know what’s best for me. that, inherently, is not true. the voice in your head or heart is not always telling you the truth, sometimes it’s making you delusional.
this can also be flipped on its head, as you can absolutely be right but you allow yourself to be walked all over. this is a lack of ego. you let everyone else’s words guide you and never ask your intuition or inner self for help until it’s too late.
you’re neglecting yourself, and i believe it’s a form of self hatred.
you need to find a balance, and a balance for you. don’t allow yourself to be stepped on, but allow yourself to be pushed in directions you don’t like all the time.
live in your truth, but without rose-coloured glasses or a log in your eye. Or how can you say to your neighbor, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye' while the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your neighbor's eye." Matthew 7:4-5.
from a place that was hiding in my heart,
the abyss
#abyss. speaks#self conscious#higher self#self concept#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting#desired reality#shifting community#black shifters#reality shift#shifting realities#shifting motivation#self growth#growth#authenticity#change#acceptance#healing#understanding#spiritual growth#spiritual journey#spirutality#spirutual#spiritual awareness#spirituality#higher consciousness#self improvement#self reflection#manifesation
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Day 82
Another one that I love!~ Gonna be a lot of those from here on if you couldn’t tell!
Junko’s the Ultimate Fashionista (in the english release at least but hey Ultimate Gyaru has to have a little crossover right??), so of course she handles Mikan’s wardrobe the moment she’s allowed to. So . . . Extremely cute scene of her having Mikan try out clothes to see what she does and doesn’t like.
An opportunity for Junko to pamper Mikan, AND i get to draw Mikan in a sweater???? Heaven. Also like are we all in agreement that sweaters just look fuckin amazing on Mikan?? Like I admit, I think I just like drawing Sweaters on Mikan but they just make her look so much cuter because of how god damn cozy she looks in em.
Unfortunately that’s all I have to talk about for that topic? I think? So instead let’s shift over to a recent development involving Junkan!
I’m in the midst of working on the Junkan Christmas Eve comic, which hopefully will be getting posted on time a few days after this, and during the process of making there’s been something new with my current abilities.
I have officially hit the point of proper freehanding on these two.
Y’see this probably won’t make too much sense but i’ll do my best to explain.
So normally when it comes to sketches I’ve done things a bit less proper compared to more professional artists. I usually get a little start on the anatomy, and then just start sketching all the character details and moving out from there. It isn’t often that I do a full sketch for the basic anatomy of a character, I only do it when I really wanna not fuck up a pose. And as you also know up till now only one piece in this event was drawn normally. Everything else is a sketch that i cleaned up and colored, or just a sketch.
This is because generally speaking I can’t do art using my normal pen tool without a sketch to work off of, it requires a lot more finesse to use the G-Pen both because of the larger shifts that can occur in line width, and the slightly looser feel it has compared to my Pencil Tool.
That’s all to say that I have drawn Junko and Mikan so many fucking times that I can just, draw them without proper sketches now. I’m at a point where I just need to draw the head, torso, and legs for an anatomy sketch, and then with the G-Pen I can just, draw from there. That’s big for me personally, and also fucked up because god how even??? There hasn’t been a drop in quality either so far, i’m still able to refine the expressions and i haven’t fucked up with the arms too much yet, I’d even say it’s resulted in some of my favorite Junkos and Mikans period.
Now, the catch is that again, this is only Junko and Mikan. I could prooooobably get to this point with Mukuro eventually just because her design is much simpler compared to other DR Characters? I struggle with getting her colors right rather than linework, but that’s about it and still not really useful in my main line of work unless I memorize every character that’s ever existed, and it took like 150 fucking times for Junkan I can’t do that for an obscure RPG character that I might get commissioned once and then never again.
It’s also not something that I think i’ll apply to my normal Junkan works, because I am a perfectionist to a fault when it comes to pieces I care about and I want to make sure every detail these is exact. I need to be meticulous for ship art like this, every detail is important. And I can maximize that with sketching.
This new skill is basically useful for one thing. Speed.
I pride myself on my efficiency, even if I have waned over the years due to burnout and overwork, when I get into it I can fuckin move with my art. And so if I need to say, make a 28 page comic in under a month? Being able to mostly skip an entire phase of the art process is very, VERY useful, ESPECIALLY because it’s a comic. Something which generally takes more time than my normal art by nature of it’s format and what it involves. When making the Comic for Day 60 it was all sketches, which was equally fast but could leave small imperfections at the time that either went under my radar or I just let slide because i was trying to be efficient.
This is basically perfect for having to speedrun a Junkan comic, it’s all the speed with the usual amount of visual quality.
So in short . . . I’m turning into a nightmarish hell machine but specifically for drawing Junkan. I am genuinely curious how much farther I can go up from here, like, what the hell else could I be capable of with this???? Am I just gonna learn how to fuckin beam the art onto the canvas with my brain???
Moral of the story is just get mind numbingly obsessed with a ship and I guess you’ll get better at stuff??? I have no idea, i’m still kind of processing the comedic value of what this year has been because I was desperate for these two to make out.
As always, Reblogs, Comments, and Little Notes in the Tags are appreciated!~ They always make my day!~
#danganronpa#junkan#junko enoshima#mikan tsumiki#junko x mikan#tsumiki mikan#enoshima junko#enomiki#shipping#junkomikan
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People seeing art portraying Annabeth as Black with blonde hair or gray eyes or both and immediately calling her “show Annabeth” is so annoying.
Annabeth being depicted as Black is WAY older than the show, and if she has blonde hair and gray eyes, she’s a book depiction regardless of skin color!!! It’s not that hard!!!!!!
Leah is a perfect Annabeth anyway, but not every depiction of Annabeth as a Black girl is a depiction of LEAH as Annabeth!!!
#morgan murmurs#I’m probably not the best person to talk about this#but I had to fight some people under some fanart that was clearly made before the show was even greenlit or cast#and people were like “show Annabeth bla bla#no that’s Annabeth!#there’s no show Annabeth or book Annabeth there’s just Annabeth#pjo#hell she doesn’t even need to have blonde hair or grary eyes to be Annabeth#or book Annabeth or whatever dumb thing people are calling her#canon is fake there’s no such thing as book Annabeth or show Annabeth or whatever they’re all just Annabeth#I don’t even call my cosplay book Annabeth#I call it “a version of Annabeth that’s appropriate for me to cosplay as a white woman#which granted is a lot wordier#but it’s also a lot more respectful than suggesting book Annabeth can’t look like Leah#begging people to just stop being terrible#I bet you people complaining are the ones who also claim to be color blind or race blind
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I personally really could not give less of a fuck about genderswapped ruikasa because first and foremost imo I think people just do it to get yuri warrior points instead of actually caring about female characters/wlw relationships. however I also dgaf because I think people do it in the most boring way possible without thinking about how tsukasa and rui’s personalities would impact how they present themselves as girls.
Tsukasa is so incredibly determined to be seen as a reliable mature older brother figure to the point where he dresses in an incredibly stuffy and boring way & has stripped his room of anything childish (& anything with personality). She would not dress super cute & girly. she would want to be taken seriously (& you should be able to be taken seriously wearing fashion like that but I’m not getting into that rn) & be viewed as anything but childish. She would not dress like Saki she would dress like she worked at a library or something. Her fashion would still be boring. Integral to the character.
I have less to say abt rui because I generally think less about what his fashion choices say about him (beyond hater of tight clothes #sensory issues king) but he is almost never in shorts and dresses in comfy loose fitting clothes he would also not be a hashtag girly girl wearing short skirts and bows either.
‘But I want to draw yuri and I want them in cute clothes’ draw emunene instead. Hope that helps.
#I love cute fashion I think emu has the best fashion sense out of wxs and I also believe that wearing more feminine/cute clothing should not#have an impact on how seriously people take you or how mature people see you. however. we live in a society.#there’s certainly a case to be made for the opposite w tsukasa but I don’t really buy it I think she’d dress like a more masc nene.#rui however. get real. she would dress the exact same as canon rui & also probably look the exact same.#as you can tell. I am annoying about canon adherence and also think ppl need to evaluate why turning a character into a girl#makes you instantly go ‘super femme presenting’.#mine#tsukasa#rui#care about emunene instead. that’s my recommendation.#at some point I want to talk abt why tsukasa’s fashion and room being so Like That actually makes so much sense given both his backstory and#personality. but I’m lazy. that’s so much effort & it would have to mostly be from my own head instead of letting#quotes do the heavy lifting.
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Eyy it's Titanoboa! Desmond anon and I found a new snake for Desmond
https://www.tumblr.com/warriorcatsofficialfacts/743110736781492224/hi-do-yall-mind-if-i-misuse-this-blog-entirely?source=share
Nonny, I saw the video and my first thought was this scene from Anaconda: Blood Orchid.
youtube
Just imagine redcoats trying to cross a similar body of water and they just start getting taken out one by one.
Hell, we can change it up a bit and have Desmond’s natural habitat being the bayou in New Orleans. Have Aveline be the one to first meet Desmond who is stalking the entirety of the bayou. He recognized her from Ratonhnhaké:ton’s memories so he doesn’t hurt her and even try to assist her whenever he can.
Aveline believes him to be a smart snake who just so happen to have a taste for the people that can be considered as her enemies.
She considered him an ally that she needs to be cautious about.
Desmond just likes to chill and help out whenever he sees Aveline.
The first time Ratonhnhaké:ton joins Aveline in the bayou though…
Desmond just curled around him and tried to snuggle him. Aveline was worried Desmond wanted to eat him for like… a second or so before she realized that, nah, Desmond is just, strangely, affectionate towards Ratonhnhaké:ton.
#this would probably end with desmond following ratonhnhaké:ton back to the homestead#and chilling in the waters where the aquila is docked#assassin's creed#desmond miles#aveline de grandpre#ratonhnhaké:ton#connor kenway#teecup writes/has a plot#fic idea: assassin's creed#ask and answer#the tags after this is just me talking about the movie franchise anaconda#aaahhh anaconda#one of my ‘movie franchises that scarred me during my childhood’ and#‘movies that my family shouldn’t have let me watch as a kid’#good times#i really should rewatch that franchise#is it any good?#… uuhhh…#i watch bad horror movies as a hobby so like#i’m really not the best kind of person to ask that kind of question#desmond is turned into an animal subgenre#desmond is turned into a creature subgenre
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i feel so at peace but at the same time so chaotic and drained
#it’s literally been wavessss of emotions lately#life feels weird w no friends or a partner but it is peaceful#i’ve been spiraling lately bc i’ve been feeling lonely#but i have to keep reminding myself that i’ll attract the right people eventually#right now i’m focusing on finding myself again and being content w where i am bc ive been so so so hard on myself lately#it’s better to have solitude rather than faking my personality around the wrong people#i deserve to be loved for who i am and i’ll wait to love the future people that come into my life#things will be okay and i know now that it isn’t time for a relationship#my first wlw crush and i are still flirting and talking everyday but i knowwww i cant get involved bc i still have sm to worry about#i do love her so much but we both have shit we need to figure out and we’d probably destroy each other if we decided to fully fall in#i’m ranting rn guys but this is the first halloweekend i didn’t go out and i was kinda sad abt it but im also SO glad bc i usually act so#stupid and dumb when i drink impulsively#it’s for the best#i don’t drink as much as i used to and that in itself should be something i am proud of#hehe anyways ily all and if you read this entire thing i love u even more#personal
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🌷
#‘If you don't want to answer’ anon#yeah it’s a bit to early to talk about it and knowing this fandom it probably will never be the right time either#i tend to agree with you because I’m that sort of person that stands up for others when I feel there is something wrong going on#i like to confront people and I like to make things very clear#knowing this about myself I always struggle when the others dont do the same#and yeah if you keep Louis out of the equation#as you said he suffered from it too but still took the chance to speak up#(even if his fans are nasty and mostly stupid and i tell that with any possible intention of sounding rude and pretentious)#so you know his words fell a but unheard because that rage and hate kept going#i tend to agree with you on that#but they don’t ever talk or take any position like ever#it’s frustrating because you can’t take actions and try your best to soothe such strong negative emotions#and the fact they didn’t and never do… yeah it’s disappointing but also not really?#cause i don’t expect them too yk?#i think that if they were aware of what was going on now they are now already guilty tripping#i hope they’re taking care now but also i hope this is some sort of wake up call#to stop such waves of criticism and anger towards someone unreasonably#and just show support and do whatever you can to protect humanity#with kindness and respect. not only with words you know
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Ugh. I had a really bad day.
#chat sesh with iris#vent in the tags#had to get a super personal reminder of someone who I used to know who left me YEARS AGO but it still upsets me to hear her name and I#literally saw HER MOM who proceeded to talk a bunch about what she’s been doing#tw suicide mention#tw suicidal ideation#in the tags lol#so warning that it’s in the next tag#like I think about killing myself whenever I have a passing thought about her so this was too much#I’m not going to do it I’m physically safe 👍👍👍 but like#even despite all of the shitty things that happened I was still having a pretty good week because like. people have been really nice to me.#and I’ve been having a little fun#but this is way too far to excuse like practically no matter what else happened or happens 😭😭😭#like hearing how much better her life is than mine#I literally had to physically leave the situation#like she had finally after YEARS(!!!) gotten mostly off of my mind#but not anymore#the heaviest sigh ever#anyway I would apologize for venting but like this is my blog 👍👍👍#I don’t really have anywhere else to talk about it#like even the people who I consider my best friends did not care or respond or ask questions when I mentioned that I was having like a-#breakdown in public#other than one#shoutouts#and I’m probably going to sleep really soon so maybe I’ll wake up and think this is too personal and delete it#like if I’m only posting because of how tired I was#or who knows maybe my thoughts will keep me awake for hours#I still have nightmares about her#BLUE AND DAWN AND HOP AND ARVEN AND GREEN SAVE ME!!!!!
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so so many thoughts on this race i don’t even know where to start…
it’s just very interesting for me as someone who loves both lando and max to see how people are taking sides and putting blame on one or the other. to be fair there IS technically an answer to where the blame should be put and it is, technically, on max. there were a lot of moves he shouldn’t have made and in all fairness he should’ve given the spot back considering lando had taken it fair and square. that’s not to say that lando is entirely blameless because he really was doing a lot of moves that could’ve ended dangerously but max has also made nearly every single one of those moves before and if anything lando learned from the best. literally these guy’s entire career is driving borderline dirty and illegal and getting everything our of the car they can at the expense of others, even themselves. lando has been driving a bit erratically lately because he’s hungry and he wants that win and anyone, and i do mean truly anyone, would be doing the exact same thing if they were in the position lando is. not to specifically point out names but if it was charles in landos spot he would be doing EXACTLY the same thing. charles is arguably the hungriest out of all of them. he wants to win, he wants to make ferrari proud. if things were going his way this season and looked a little bit more like 2022 where he was viably fighting for the championship, i have no doubt in my mind that charles would be as desperate as lando is now. literally the only difference in this entire situation is that max and charles are better at wheel to wheel fighting but that is arguably only because they’ve been driving against each other for so long and Know what the other would do. this is all to say that i think it’s a bit unfair to be calling lando immature in all of this when anyone that was in his shoes would no doubt be doing the same. maybe there was a better way to go about the interviews and express his disappointment better but this is literally what f1 IS and it’s what it has been and always will be. that’s also all to say that i don’t think max should be villainized in all of this. he is, at his core, his father sons and the same person he was at 14 and 18 and 23 when he was being labeled as “mad max”. he’s not going to just give up a win like this, it’s not in his blood and i truly think he would rather give up the sport entirely than forfeit a win regardless of whether he was wrong or not. max did the thing he knows how to do best and that’s fight for what he thought was his, as ANY of them would do. same goes for lando. he has every right to be incredibly upset about a race that, all things considered, he SHOULD have won today. these men are going to be fed up and disappointed and angry with each other and they are going to be immature about it because at the end of the day they’re hungry and they’re going to do whatever it takes to win at any cost
#regarding that last bit i wont even say who im referring to but we all know#anyway all this to say that i love the drama and i think max and lando have personally done nothinf wrong in the way that they have#expressed their feelings on the matter#like i’m not saying it was 100% correct but it definitely wasn’t completely wrong#i think a lot of people are forgetting that this is what this sport is#like dont say you want to bring back cunty f1 if you cant even see the different sides of this entire situation#and cant see or understand where they’re both coming from#anyway. here are some of my thoughts that no one asked for nor cared about or wanted or will read#which is lowkey probably for the best#this is also to say that i am a max and lando apologist#do NOT quote me on the ages for max please i was guestimafing#lacey talks#formula 1#lando norris#max verstappen#austria gp 2024
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#airika txt.#i was so scared that the session today would be like awkward after finding out my therapist was leaving at the end of june#but lemme tell youuuuuuu 😭#i’m going to miss her so so SO much#this was probably one of the best and most soul bearing sessions we’ve had#and the fact it coincides with the nearly one year mark since starting therapy#it just … it feels good?#there was a lot of crying a lot of laughing#but i’m also so like honored i got to have this convo with her#we talked a lot about hell***** and how the games have really opened up old wounds#and closed ones i didn’t even know were opened#i’m super thankful i could be as open as i was with her bc i do not think i would have been able to be as vulnerable with a new person#and idk if they would have known how to respond like she did#she’s honestly one of the easiest people to talk to and i’m just —#yeah i feel very lucky that THIS convo is one i got to have with her before our time together ended#it feels very much … like closing the door on a part of me that needed to be validated and nurtured and understood#so that this next door / therapist can help me on the rest of my healing journey
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New low. Sobbing in the floor of a dark empty apartment
#well. he’s gone.#it’s definitely relieving in a lot of ways#but….#my apartment is empty#when I moved to this city I had two of my best friends here with me#now I have no one#I will probably never talk to either one of them again#I lived with him for five years. we made our college plans together#and now my apartment is empty and I’m all alone and there’s no one to hear me cry#I feel so pathetic and miserable#and empty but overwhelmed all at once#I almost wish it was all my fault you know#cuz then at least I could pinpoint it I could figure it out#like oh… I’m a shitty person and I treated my friends badly and that’s why I lose them#but I’ve been the one who’s been used and tossed aside and discarded#and I’m alone in a dark empty apartment crying#and I know my old roommate and my old best friend don’t care#they’re both happy and having a good time and have not thought twice about me#and yeah. I feel pathetic#that even after everything I’m wasting grief on this#growing up my family always told me friends never amounted to anything#you had your family and your significant others and that was it you didn’t put everything you had into your friends#and I always thought that was stupid#and I loved my friends so much and I feel like I gave them so much I gave so many of them everything I had#and all I get is being alone and crying in an empty apartment#maybe my family was right I’m so tired of this I’m so so so tired#kaz rambles
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Where is this angry-at-everything-all-the-time-Jason. Between him and Bruce he’s the only one being reasonable.
#kelseethe#I doubt this person even understood what Jason gets angry about and why#but I’ll say this much#the problem with Jason isn’t that he’s enraged about the injustices that nobody has the balls to take care of.#that is exactly who he was at his core. since his robin days. that’s what he should slowly go back to#For how often the ‘did he push Garzonas??’ question circulates in this fandom people can’t seem to grasp the point of those events at all#the problem Jason had for a while now is that writers constantly have him forgive and try to reason with a man (his father)#who thinks his own flawed vision/beliefs are law.#he became someone who tries his best not to ‘disobey’ these baseless laws#and instead operates in accordance with them. he technically still is. he is nowhere near the Jason from post crisis#who can and will mentally spar with Bruce regarding all his hypocrisies and win#anybody who says Jason shouldn’t be angry just. doesn’t. GET it.#arrrrgh#I’m making like. The same rant post worded slightly differently 3 times a week#The Jason tag is the true irredeemable villain that should die#This will probably be my last I’m actually tired of talking about this
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you ever be really vulnerable with someone and it feels good and cathartic in the moment but then the next few days it sinks in and even though you feel 99.9% sure nothing bad is going to happen from it your stomach lurches when you think about it?
it’s reminding me of the time i went to the top floor of a skyscraper and went onto a viewing platform with a glass floor. the odds i’m going to fall and die are extremely low but holy shit is it high up here
#i’ve absolutely had this happen other times but#this is about talking to my rabbi about my god stuff on thursday#puts him on a very very short list of people i’ve talked to about some very specific experiences#probably the sixth person?#like i’ve talked about my family trauma to loads of people (both irl and on tumblr)#this though? this is PRIVATE private. like my partner and best friend and one ex-friend (ex just due to distance) and two priests#(ex-friend was christian and my neighbor and i’d wanted her thoughts on at least some of it)#i’m glad i told him but i feel naked and weird#and feeling anxious that i didn’t explain it right (because words are hard)#i need to stop picking at it#this is literally his job#my posts#realized i’ve told certain edited versions to a few more people#but i’ve only told ALL of it to a very tiny group
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#i think about this scene from time to time#how it came after manuel finding out simone was getting into dangerous circles to help him#and how he probably tried to push him away in the best way he could: with words he didn’t mean that cut way too deep#all of that to protect him#and then he talks with his mother and confesses he’s not sorry for himself#or anyone else he’s lost#the only thing that’s eating him up inside is the thought of having lost /simone/#because he was stupid and impulsive and tried his hardest to turn him away from him#because he knows simone like the back of his hand. he knows simone will destroy himself for the love he feels and the people he loves#and the realisation that he loves /manuel/ makes him scared. makes him feel a lump in his throat and a certain boulder on his chest#that won’t go away#because he won’t let simone destroy himself for him#he /can’t/ let simone destroy himself for him#manuel is selfish and mean and impulsive and not a very good person#he thinks#but he cannot do this to simone. his heart won’t allow it#so he turns him away. away from him. or at least he tries#anyways#soo talks#at least in the tags lol#sorry#i’m a pro yapper#simuel#manuel ferro#simone balestra#un professore#un prof#un professore 1#un prof 1
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well basically like raise your hand if you’ve ever been blocked by a close mutual you though you were actually friends with and not just fandom-mates because you expressed an emotion they didn’t like because apparently they only want to interact with people who watch the same media as them and when you didn’t anymore they stopped talking to you and the media you DID have in common they gave up on once they found something more popular and seeing as that thing happened to be your favorite thing you graciously let them have because you believed you were friends and they would treat it with care and love but they didn’t and it made you feel like they didn’t respect you or like you or think of you as a person but rather as a faceless entity who sometimes could make Posts about tv shows you have in common. despite the fact they know what your face looks like because they’ve seen it because you’ve gotten together on zoom and watched movies together like friends do but that doesn’t mean anything i guess if you try to delicately have a conversation about how you feel because they just immediately dismiss you and start talking to you like you’re coworkers in a polite email chain because you said you didn’t like their tv show. which was a fact they already knew but didn’t take seriously because they were apparently never viewing you as a person! or has that only happened to me.
#and i’m not trying to make a callout post and start drama this is just my blog where i talk about my life#and i wouldn’t start drama because i’m not stupid enough to think anyone would take my side because no one likes me more than this other#person i’m pretty sure. due to the everything about me that kinda sucks i guess#but more so to do with the fact that there is a very small number of people on here i actually feel like. friends with. and everyone else#just follows the fandom posting they like best. which is fine and i do that as well#but i would probably be devastated if someone else i thought i was friends with didn’t pick me. so i’m not saying anything#i mean you could ask. but lately i’ve felt very fleabag season 2 episode 1 opening scene dinner. so#(‘no one’s asked me a question in 45 minutes’)#anyway. yeah. awesome. ok#um and it should go without saying that if there’s a traitor in my midst (dramatic way of saying that. i’m not actually like. beefing)#don’t like. send this post to who i’m talking about and make shit awkward. you’d think that’s common sense but it’s not#when i was ousted from stranger things fandom for committing the heinous crime of not liking steve there was a lot of insane shit that#happened. which i do not care to repeat. who sends someone’s vaguepost to the person they were vaguing that’s such bad etiquette fr 🙄#and i can’t believe how nice i was about it to those people i should have killed them that shit was so stupid#you had to be there#and also this isn’t fandom drama i’m just sad. so it’s completely different#because the fandom drama example i just gave was pure pettiness and bitchiness tbh. i was 20 what do you want from her
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