#I’m probably just depressed again tbh but I’m just bummed

[hyruviandoctor]

I know this is in no way unique to me, but it can be really disheartening to have things you want to talk about but you know no one will care what you have to say outside of literally maybe 1-2 people

[confessionsofananxiousbisexual]

110 in the Shade (1992 OBC) Explained Only Through the Soundtrack

For context of what this is see this post. (also will have masterlist of musicals listened to)

Broadway musical from 1963. Revival in 2012 with Audra McDonald

I had not heard of it before. 

Music by Harvey Schmidt

Lyrics by Tom Jones

Book by N. Richard Nash

Stars: 

Inga Swensen - plays Lizzie

Robert Horton - plays Mr. Starbuck

Stephen Douglass - I’m assuming plays the other love interest, but no idea.

Setting: Definitely somewhere in the South in the United States. Based on the Southern accents. also the first song is “It’s Gonna be Another Hot Day”

Genre: Romance, Slice of Life

Character Names: Lizzie (First named in Lizzie’s Comin’ Home. Female Lead), Jim (brought up in Poker Polka), There’s a dude named File?? (First named in Hungry Men. Lizzie seems interested in him coming by so prob one of the male leads), Mr. Starbuck (First named in Rain Song. One of the Male Leads)

Plot: It’s a very hot day in a very small town. Douglass’s character (we’ll go with File) is complaining about the heat. All the guys in town sing about Lizzie as she comes back into town? Lizzie is kind of bummed out because she’s worried she’ll never find a man. This other guy named Mr. Starbuck also just got into town and he convinces some of the townsfolk that he can make it rain on Sunday if they pay him $100. Lizzie thinks he’s full of shit. Starbuck uses toddler logic and says “no you’re full of shit” to her which makes her pretty mad. Lizzie then runs in File who sings about how he thinks relationships all end too quickly, though she then sings about how actually they can last a while, and File starts to wonder if maybe she’s right. File seems into her. But after File leaves, she sings ANOTHER song about how she’s so lonely (I think she thinks she doesn’t have a chance with File). Mr. Starbuck also seems to like Lizzie and calls her his Melisande, saying he’d find the golden fleece for her if she asked. (Maybe Starbuck had been showing Lizzy how he cons people and she had fun doing it?) Lizzie is also a bit into him too, but ultimately decides to go with File as her normal self than go off with Starbuck as someone else. It’s Sunday now and it actually starts raining. Mr. Starbuck leaves the town, all the people in awe.

Other notes

At the end Mr. Starbuck says “For the first time in my life, rain” so it’s most likely a coincidence. Potentially hinting at the fact that Mr. Starbuck tends to bullshit but when it came to Lizzie, she made him feel something true?

Toddler logic: “I’m sad about you. You don’t believe in anything, not even yourself” Mr. Starbuck. He says this because Lizzie doesn’t believe he can make it rain, between that and being named Starbuck. I did not like this dude at all.

It was made in the 60s so all the women just want to provide for their poor men who have been working hard all week and finally have a day off. Lizzie’s whole thing is about how she wishes she had a man to take care of.

I heard Inga’s voice say “File” and I just thought damn, any other singer and I would have treated it as a throwaway name but the female lead just said it so probably one of the guys from a previous song.

I didn’t fully comprehend that it had been a love triangle until like the last song tbh. Douglass didn’t have a super distinct voice and Spotify didn’t label him as a singer on half of his songs (For example “A Man and a Woman” is just listed as a Lizzie song, even though it’s a duet). I had realized there must be two different guys, but I think I started to wonder if it was Starbuck and a Bunch of Other Guys.

Poker Polka has a fun name to say but wow those lyrics are a pretty good representation of depression. It’s a dude (ohh, must be File, he seems like he isn’t having a good time) singing about how he doesn’t do a series of things he enjoyed doing anymore. Poker, dancing, picnics. all things you’d do with groups of people.

Would I listen to it again? Nope. This is not my vibe of musical in the slightest. Listening to the Audra McDonald version is tempting, but I didn’t like the songs in general.

Next Show 13 (2008) - link will be added after I listen to it

[strangerfigs]

ok, full delusion 1000%, like total, total, total delusion ? (and also mike is an idiot if this is true, and it’s definitely not but -!) as we know, will mended their relationship, pushed it, like, two separate times, and without him, mike probably wouldn’t have been able to say it, but what if - (now this is full delusion!) what if, when will was telling him all this stuff and hype about eleven, about their relationship and how eleven feels about him, mike is like, oh ok, so will wants me to be with her, signals received, like yeah, he is probably right anyway, all these signals are in my head, eleven is the one I’m supposed to be with - like literally mike being all depressed right before they are about to reunite with her just ?? is more behavior that doesn’t make sense like I understand him being nervous about that but he seemed like bummed like oh, here we go again, like how do I get out of this, this is what I want el to realize, this is what I realized, blah blah blah, finally coming to the realization that el doesn’t need him and he can let her go maybe and then will is like NO el needs you mike and then goes on into his monologue, so mike is like - in the back of his head because he still tries to no think about it, is like ok, like this isn’t gonna happen between us like yeah he is right I’m being crazy I need el and he takes this as like��� confirmation that will doesn’t like him? (again such a far reach but mike is stupid and I’m desperate) and anyways, so that like, causes him to get in his head too so he is not paying attention to him or notices him crying, and he goes back to el (their reunion seemed so platonic to me btw? it was actually cute) and then yeah, later, will pushes him again, and both because he is extremely pressured to do so, and the last time he didn’t say he loves her, he lost her to owens, he says it, meaning some of it because he does love her (whether in a bisexual or platonic way) and a lot of the lines do parallel what he has said to will in the past, so he is deriving from his feelings for will, and also because he is trauma bonded with eleven, he says ‘’my life didn’t start til I met you’ aka the start of trauma but he also it’s a parallel to Byler ‘best thing I’ve ever done’ and I do think he can’t live without el - I don’t think he could live without either of them, tbh, like he needs them both both but in different ways. which rly makes me wonder what el and will are supposed to symbolize if mike is the ‘heart’ then what are eleven and will? but yeah anyways I’m in full on delusion ville because i truly just am losing my mind and have no hope but yet i do but my expectations will be in the ground for s5 at this point like this is all just delusion. thank you

[ironxkid]

why don't you like endgame or civil war

((hoo buddy, idk what brought this up but salt under the cut!! Like... a lot of salt - specifically regarding Endgame lmao

I’m gonna start off with CACW because it’s a short response lol

I don’t like it simply because I was done with the infighting between the Avengers. The found family crumbs we were given in Endgame was something I really wanted to see, and them just... ripping them apart frustrated me lol

honestly, the movie was... fine? Idk, I found it to be a lil slow for my taste (it felt like it just dragged on when I watched it in theaters), and I just don’t care for it in general  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Also, ngl, I’m really bummed that Captain America: Serpent Society was a joke announcement because that sounds dope as hell and I really wanted to see that before I realized it’d been a joke dfgjhdsfhj

but, yeah, literally just because CACW is specifically an infighting movie annoys me to no end so I just won’t watch it again dgsfjhsfdhj

now, Endgame?

fuck Endgame

I. have a lot of issues with it, all of which are major grievances throughout the fandom. I’m pissed they killed Natasha and didn’t even bother giving her a fucking funeral because, I quote from Joe Russo, “Well, Tony does not have another movie. Tony is done. And Natasha has another film. And Marvel Universe obviously does not have to move forward linearly anymore. But that character still has more screen time coming.” (see here) and that annoys the hell out of me. She’s getting another movie - great! So you killed one of the few characters doing her fucking best to keep everything together at the compound, the one who was taking charge, give her a big role, and then murk her and... give her nothing but a brief mention at the end. Like... what the fuck? Natasha deserved so much better than what she was given. Tony’s funeral could’ve (and, frankly, should’ve) been a funeral for him, Natasha, and Vision because god forbid we see anyone mourn Vision other than Wanda

(actually this post covers how Endgame fucked over the MCU women perfectly, though Wanda’s not mentioned :c )

plus... Tony’s not done lol - he’s still a massive figure in the films/shows despite RDJ not acting in them, so his character has left shockwaves that aren’t dying any time soon. Natasha... basically disappeared, and I believe she would’ve been dropped completely if it wasn’t for the fact she does have a film coming out soon. Which, frankly, seems awesome and all, but it’s a film that goes back to post-CACW pre-IW and... frankly doesn’t give me any reason to understand why that means she didn’t get a funeral. She’s not coming back in future movies/shows that are in present MCU timeline - her movie is set in the past. She could’ve gotten a decent sendoff 

now, Clint’s arc as Ronin rubs me the wrong way. I know it’s a huge thing in the comics, and it’s not him taking a different mantle that I have an issue with. It’s the fact he, a white man, went around murdering people and got off scot-free. Yes, he was targeting genuinely bad people, but... to show that, they specifically singled out Mexican cartels and the yakuza (Japanese mafia, essentially) - so, in other words, the bad guys were people of color! I feel like I don’t need to explain how fucked up that is. And, to clarify, I love Clint! Clint is honestly one of my favorite characters, and the whole thing was just handled... poorly in the film

Tony’s arc genuinely hurts. This is a man who has suffered for years and has tried to make things right, and finally got a chance to settle down. He finally retired from the Avengers, finally settled down, and had a fucking life he could enjoy despite his ghosts, and yet... His arc ends with a message of “tortured soul finally gets rest by dying”. Because, y’know, it’s great seeing yet another long-suffering character only reaching peace through death, because god forbid they let characters heal! He could’ve still caused the second Snap, and he could’ve survived. He could’ve finally been able to step away for good and focus on his family, focus on recovering, and be truly happy. What’s so wrong with letting him stay alive so he can rest and be with his family? What’s so wrong with letting a long-suffering character finally find peace after one last bang? 

plus it pisses me off that they’re now using him as a reasoning as to why bad things are still happening. Why is this person the bad guy? Because Tony Stark somehow may or may not have done something that hurt them! Even though most of that really stems from Howard or Obadiah. Tony just ends up getting the blame in their place. He’s just an easy target to use, much like the tesseract seems to be the go-to answer for why things go wrong. But this is a different train of thought

Steve’s ending pisses me off just as much as the next person lmao. You take a character who has acknowledged he no longer belongs in the past (which, funnily enough, was written by the Russos), aaaaaaand have him go back to the past while ignoring two important people in his life that were still right there. He got Bucky and Sam back, and he leaves them. His arc is ruined within a matter of minutes, and it paints a hella bad picture of him in the process. He goes back in time to stay with Peggy (which ultimately destroys her own arc, and the fact she’s a person outside of her relationship (or lack thereof) with him because, y’know, why have her be able to move on and be her own person?), and we’re supposed to believe he’s fine with everything he knows from the future? Fine with knowing Bucky’s trapped with HYDRA and is suffering as the Winter Soldier? Fine with knowing HYDRA has infested SHIELD from day one? Fine with knowing Howard and Maria are going to die? Fine with royally fucking up the timelines? We’re supposed to believe he sat back and did nothing with all of that? They could’ve had him still hand the shield over to Sam - they could’ve let Steve stay an Avenger without the mantle

also the fact the Russos said he didn’t recognize Red Skull when he returned to Vormir to return the soul stone? Like... what the fuck?? Not to mention he literally returns the stone to Vormir, which “soul for a soul”, and they didn’t bring Nat back that way??

and now onto Thor. Thor... holy fuck is this hitting something personal for me. Thor was ridden with guilt - he was furious with himself, hated himself, and blamed himself for failing to stop the Snap. He fell into a massive depression, and... was promptly danced around as laughing stock. Like, “oh! look at Thor! he’s fat and drunk because he’s depressed haha!” - like fuck off. It’s not funny in any form. His suffering was made into a joke and it pisses me off because I suffer from depression. A lot of people suffer from depression. It’s not funny. It’s fucking terrifying at times. I wasted a shit ton of money on a stupid online sim game because it was a distraction - it gave me... god, I wouldn’t even say temporary happiness, but it gave me something to temporarily help, and I still hate myself for doing it. It was a poor decision on my part, and I wish I could change it. And, during that time, I was scared because I couldn’t see myself pulling out of it. I thought I was gonna feel that way forever. I called out of work multiple times because there were days I couldn’t stop crying (something I still feel horrible for doing), I couldn’t get myself to contact any of my friends for months, and it was all because the medication I was on at the time... stopped working. Thankfully, my depression doesn’t work in a way that makes me a danger to myself, so that wasn’t an issue, but it still fucking sucked. And to see a character that I could relate to on such a personal level treated as laughing stock fucking hurt. I’m not sharing this for sympathy - I’m sharing this because it Thor’s arc hit home and it’s literally the main reason why I will not watch Endgame again

this is more of a nitpick than anything else, but... I didn’t really care for Carol in it tbh? Which is unfortunately because Captain Marvel is one of my absolute favorite movies! And I’m well aware she was introduced in Endgame while CM was being drafted, but that in itself is annoying?? Because Carol was originally going to be introduced in AoU, but was cut because it wasn’t going to introduce her character properly. And yet they decide to introduce her character in a clusterfuck of a movie before her movie is in the final stages, and proceed to release her movie first and then give a complete different characterization in her following appearance

honestly I just wanna cover this now to clarify some things regarding Carter and her backstory: the only reason I keep Endgame as is is because it felt easier for me to do so for the purpose of bending canon for specific threads. I wanted to stay as true to the given plots as possible to help with fudging of both the movies and her background, and also because I didn’t want anyone to feel like I was trying to force my own headcanons onto them, y’know? 

I’m just gonna plug this here because fuck it lol, but I did start a fix-it fic regarding Endgame that you can read here! I... probably won’t finish it tbh, and I haven’t gone over it in a hot minute so it might be riddled with errors ahah - plus I’m not sure about how I wrote the characters! I get nervous when writing canon characters because I feel like I’ll miss their characterization completely, which is actually why I,,, rarely rp canon characters dgfjhgsfdhj

also the image in the doc was created by @/archervale!! 

[yyxgin]

a lot has happened at work recently!! but who cares bleh. libra season!!! which means bday celebrations!! except i’m at work BOO 👎 and my two assistant managers have officially left (i’m helping them move on wednesday) and they were probably the only two who knew when my bday was apart from my supervisor but he’s gone to a different branch to train to be an assistant manager before coming back so i’m super bummed bc now i have to deal w al the new staff by myself 😭

also one of the ladies in kp read my palms?? and she told me i spend too much money impulsively which isn’t false… but i have to spend money impulsively or if spend none at all (which is good for saving ig) but i’d also be doing nothing other than working and that would make me sad lol. she also told me bc i’m a libra this month i’ll be unlucky with love but lucky with money so 🥺🙏🙏 i was having a relatively bad day that day so she was cheering me up n all of that.

did i tell you when my txt and skz albums came, they also came like a week or two later (again) bc they’d accidentally doubled up my order? it was like heaven with skz bc changbin baby is my ult n he was in some of the pulls for the second album 🥵🥵 the limited edition of no easy confuses me bc it’s not like the last one of theirs i bought and typically groups stick to a style when they design albums like mamamoo are all in these cute magnetic flip box thingies and nct’s are all little books type things as well as txt’s but skz switched it up and there’s a fair bit of loose stuff? but it’s okay bc i have two posters n all of the mini flip card things for the members and some bangchan (i’m gifted in pulling chan).

im also hopefully getting a car?? the barman hasn’t gone to prison yet bc the court keep moving his sentencing date(s?) so when i discussed this w my mum she said they’ll probably throw it out and relief filled me!! but ik i shouldn’t be so hopeful but at the same time it’s like why would you mess someone around so much? anyway i’ll move on, i wanted to drop him home in my car bc he deserves a lift everyday what a sweetheart❣️ my co-worker facetimed me today as it was my day off and i said hi to everyone it was so heartwarming to see everyone missing me but also not bc my manager overworks me and he knows that after this weekend 💉🩸

im jumping about with my points and things i want to say but i’m horrible at internet friends so this is okay for me as recently i’ve just not had energy for any friends which is awful of me but i’m still trying to find the balance between work and social. also everyone’s gone to uni and i’m just chilling. i like my life.

i want to redecorate my room. i don’t like the vibe other than when people compliment my kpop wall bc it’s a bunch of my art and then other peoples art and i thoroughly enjoy decorating w pictures and stickers and stuff but it’s literally just a door and it’s depresses me that my happiness is reduced to the back of a singular door now. i want to redo the vibe in my room and make it more me. i’ve never felt comfortable until recently and even now i’m going back to feeling uncomfy now that i know i want it a certain way and to give a certain vibe. idk, maybe it’s bc i watched sex education and seeing lily’s room in the most recent season (i won’t say much more in case you are watching/haven’t seen it yet) really made me realise i want to love myself and love the space i create for myself more. do you enjoy your space you’ve created for yourself? i always feel like peoples rooms say a lot about them as a person but how they see their room in their own eyes always says more.

i want to ask loads of questions and am awful at asking them so please just tell me everything i missed or should be updated on!! ily, always

~ 🌻

LIBRA SEASON !!! omg did i ask you when's your bday ?? i hope i didn't miss it. >:( happy birthday !!!! you deserve so much love. also, i'm sorry about your managers leaving. dealing with new staff is hella stressful and i hope you don't have to have too much responsibility and nerves <3

ooh palm readings are hella interesting. i've never had one but i think i'd like to try. spending money impulsively isn't a bad thing, if it's not an irresponsible spending. and if it is,, well who cares. yolo. i feel you on that tho, bc even tho i am really stingy w money, sometimes i just buy stuff i don't need and act on impulse.

OMG THAT IS A DREAM ?? getting free albums ?? (at least i hope they were free lmao). i like it when groups stick to one type of packaging although i must say i dont like the book thingies nct uses bc there is no magnetic part so it falls apart on my shelf and i hate that. i acutally like the sleeve packaging txt's albums have ?? everyone seems to bitch abt it on tiktok but i find it the most conveniet. also i'm glad changbin came home to you <3

YAAAY TO THE CAR !! AND ALSO TO YOUR COWORKER. i am praying he won't have to go, then, i am really hopeful. he is a sweet soul and doesn't deserve that. pleeease don't put up with your boss overworking you. take care of yourself :(

YOURE NOT HORRIBLE AT INTERNET FRIENDS we are besties. okay ??? and its totally okay to have no energy for friends as well, bc as you can see, i am struggling as well recently. it took me so long to reply to this ask and i feel so bad but it is what it is :// social battery has been low and i am busy with studying and work and trying to put my shit together. i am rooting for you !! <3

go for the decorating !! i actually haven't watched sex education and am not planning on watching so i dont really understand what you mean, but i hope you get to create a space for yourself when you feel free and comfortable. i share a room with my brother so its kind of difficult to decorate it how i want it, but i honestly like sharing a room tbh. he's not here half the time anyway so it's good to see him at least when we go to sleep lmao. but i have a bunch of stuff in my corner that are kpop and my side is full of plants, so i feel good surrounded by them hihi. i like it here.

i don't have many updates. i am actually living a very boring life, so i have nothing to share. preparing for graduation exams has been making me anxious and also depressed with everything that's been going on lately, but it's okay. i'll pull myself together <3 i love you a lot, take care !! i missed you

[atamascolily]

lily watches fma:b, eps. 62-64

Okay, when we last left off, the Big Bad was running around half-naked in a bathroom smiting people in a knockoff young!Hohenheim body, and 50 million people in Amestris had a really shitty day being devoured alive for their life energy before being miraculously restored to their still-breathing bodies by a not-quite-deus ex machina.

hohenheim challenges father to create something and he spits out humans from Xerxes--including the asshole king whose greed destroyed his entire country and people who RECOGNIZE HOHENHEIM.

[like, the trauma here!!!]

[I also like JUST NOW REALIZED that Greedling is the same character archetype as Grimmjow from Bleach - an aggressive, hyper-macho asshole who is a surprisingly fun character to watch break things?]

[FURTHERMORE both 03!Greed and Grimmjow had the same Japanese voice actor, LOLOLLOL]

greed and olivier have a pissing contest, lol

al's body is destroyed protecting may - good thing he's got another one waiting in the wings!

and then it's everyone takes a turn at father - first the briggs soldiers, then roy with hawkeye guiding him, armstrong, lan fan,the chimeras, etc,etc,

roy is so weirded out by being able to cast without a circle, LOL.

father tries to eat greed for more stones

ed swooping in in to defend greed is GREAT

so is watching izumi fight!!

anyway, they finally wear father down to the point where God can fight back and Father vomits him back up again.

... which makes him literally a zombie staggering around for "stones"

ed's automail is shattered, and he's pinned down - al, realizing his armor is cracked and his blood seal is about to break, gets May to make a circle so he can swap out his body for Ed's arm.

it works and ed goes absolutely feral on father.

(the fact that he still looks like hohenheim probably helps ed, tbh)

everyone cheers him on and greed is like "oh, yeah, all I really wanted was FRIENDS,"sob

greed sacrifices himself to keep ling yao from being eaten by father and it's so heartbreaking, everyone loves u greed

greed is like, yeah, kid, lan fan has a stone, take 'em and go home and be emperor of xing like a boss

greed: so epic he gets to die TWICE in this show. AND WE'RE SAD BOTH TIMES BUT THIS ONE IS WORSE.

greed transforms father's body into graphite (using his Ultimate Shield ability) but gets crushed by father.

ed slams a hole in father's chest and all the philosopher's stones leach out of him and then... the black grabby shadow hands emerge from the same hole and pull him back wherever he came from...?

[ngl: I don't get WHY that works, but okay.]

and of course, he gets to monologue about how he just wanted to be free without any constraints, which gets hohenheim all emotional.

Father is back to his flash form in the Gate World and he calls Truth "God" and asks why he didn't like him... and truth's like "because you're a greedy little asshole, that's why"

father is sucked back into the open gate by more grabby shadow hands and says "no, I don't want to go back" implying that this is, in fact, where he came from because the Xerxes alchemists were fucking around with stuff they shouldn't have been.

father is screaming and truth's like, "why? this is TOTES what you wanted, isn't it?being one with god?"

meanwhile, hohenheim offers his own life in exchange for al on the grounds that he was  a crappy dad.

true, sir, but also ed is having none of it

anyway, ed offers his own gate and ability to do alchemy as trade for al's body and truth's like "Sure, yeah,why not"

turns out that even once they've won, hohenheim is still brooding and depressed over father - he blames himself because it came from his blood? Like, dude, there are a lot of things to blame yourself for and you pick the one that REALLY ISN'T YOUR FAULT?

armstrong thanks him for ed and al saving the day and hohenheim bursts into tears and walks off... and goes to resembool to die on tricia's grave?

like, did he even say good-bye to his kids? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK, HOHENHEIM?

pinako finds him dead at the grave, and tbh, i'm disappointed she doesn't punch him out anyway like she promised

"goodbye, my weird immortal friend"

Anyway, umm... that's basically the end, but let's wrap up with the "where are they now?" final episode!

somehow ling is emperor because he has magic people juice to give the current emperor, which just... seems like it might lead to problems, given what happened in xerxes? Just sayin’. But he’s going to take care of May and her clan, so I guess the show’s just going to sweep that under a rug and pretend it’s fine!

[ling definitely got the best character development of anybody along with Greed]

marcoh shows up with a philosopher's stone, which Roy agrees to use to rebuild his eyesight and also Havoc's legs, which just feels a little too deus ex machina for me, and also kinda shaky ethics here. but roy's okay with it because he's going to rebuild ishval, so...

and apparently scar is gonna be there, too? still forever grumpy, though.

grumman is fuhrer now (??!!) because roy and company are rebuilding ishval, so I guess all that talk about war crime trials was just for show because that sure isn't happening now that they won.

[I'm still bitter because it should have been Olivier!!]

Mrs. Bradley is raising Pride/Selim, who seems perfectly normal, even though Grumman says they'll have to kill him if he does anything evil. Mrs. Bradley says, "I'll make sure he doesn't show anything," which is kinda ominous to me? Like this woman would do anything for her kid. If Pride DOES get out of hand, she's not going to tell anyone.

[also I'm bitter that Pride gets to live and Greed DOESN'T, sob]

Ed and Al hang out in Resembool with Winry for two years until they get restless and go off on adventures again--but separately. Al goes to Xing with Jerso and Zampano (who have suddenly decided they want their original bodies back after being fine with it for the entirety of the series).

That's fine, since Al and May are very definitely a thing, but Ed goes west--which we've never heard from in the entire series--by himself, to research alchemy after sacrificing his ability to DO alchemy. I CALL BULLSHIT.

Winry goes with him to the train station and Ed is so fucking tsundere, I cringed just watching him.

(but also it was refreshing to see a male example of this trope and it was super-cute when he started blushing)

BUT ALSO his proposal is based on "equivalent exchange" - "I'll trade half of my life for half of yours!" - which is simultaneously the nerdiest thing ever and also YOU'RE NOT AN ALCHEMIST ANYMORE, ED, STOP.

Winry says that's stupid, she'll give him all of it,and then starts negotiating to 85%.

but given that Ed is LITERALLY RIDING OFF here, I gotta wonder how the math works out.

A random woman asks why Ed's leaving if he's in love with Winry, and Winry says something about how men left at home cause trouble (which implies she's fine with a long-distance relationship). THIS FROM THE GIRL WHO GOT MAD ABOUT BEING LEFT BEHIND ON *SEVERAL* OCCASIONS IN THE SERIES.okay.

In the credits, we see Ed and Winry have two kids, so... Ed has LITERALLY BECOME HIS FATHER, wandering the earth while his wife raises two kids alone. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I just have... questions.

Like... no. Just no. Ed stayed home and he was a great father to his kids, full stop. He did NOT repeat the cycle; he was a much better person than Hohenheim and he proved it by actually BEING THERE FOR HIS FAMILY WHEN THEY NEEDED HIM.

people say fma03 has a downer ending, but this one bums me out WAY more because it feels so ooc and contradicts a lot of stuff that the show has spent so much time building up to.

i am just left feeling very “meh” and also “what was the point of it all?” which is probably not a great place to be after finishing a story.

[jadesdesert]

I feel like no one really talks about the big U-turn NRS did with Ermac’s character development. *big rant. I apologize in advance lol*

Ermac probably had one of my favorite character arcs in the earlier games. They were introduced as a construct of dead warrior souls controlled to serve Shao Kahn. Then, they played a major role in the events of the 3d-era games by breaking free from Shao’s control thanks to their alliance with Kenshi and helped free the earthrealm warriors from Onaga’s control. It was so cool to have the idea of this gloomy, mummy-like being do a face-turn and help fight for the better cause (just like Sindel).

Then, NRS completely took all this amazing depth Ermac had as a character and completely threw it out the window. Firstly, they didn’t have much of a role in MK9 plot besides being a jobber for Shao Kahn. The only notable thing they did was rip off Jax’s arms, which I feel did nothing but contributed to Jax’s depressing and traumatic story arc for the next two games. Then, they appear again in MKX initially serving Mileena only to turn on her after finding out she isn’t Shao Kahn’s true heir. So they pretty much spends the majority of the story jobbing for Kotal Kahn. I’ll also add I was kinda disappointed that their interaction/ fight with Jacqui was so anti-climatic. You would think Jacqui would be more open about getting revenge on the being that took her father’s arms throughout, but it was just treated like a normal filler-fight in her chapter.

Tbh, while I was kinda bummed a lot of my favs, including Ermac, wasn’t in MK11, I’m kinda relieved in a sense since I felt like they would continue to throw them under the bus as a character. Hell, they already threw them under the bus by having them fall to their death in the krypt with a clean redesign😭. I just hope that if Ermac is brought back in the future that they play a major role like they did in the past.

[cr0wprince]

Now I’m afraid my name might be brought up though. I did some shitty things with her when we were friends. It’s been five to almost seven years (five since the last time I spoke to her and almost seven since I met her). I was 17-18 in the time I knew her and I’m very easily influenced by the people around me, but I’m ultimately responsible for my actions. I saw another ex-friend of hers brought up (not by name) and now I’m kind of scared.

I’m gonna be a little vague and my memory isn’t the best (I try to block things out as a defense mechanism), but I’m going to try to recount it, just for my own benefit. I’m not even going to name her, but will refer to her as LR. I don’t think anyone cares tbh lmao

I met her in 2014. It was probably February or March, so I was 17. We were both cosplaying Attack on Titan, very big at the time. Someone posted in a con Facebook group that they made a cosplay group for the area/con for Attack on Titan. I only had my jeans, shirt, jacket (that I made), wig, and glasses for Hanji at that time and I posted a picture, “I’m not too confident in how I look, but here’s my cosplay.” and she commented that it was a good cosplay. We went from there, started chatting, and made plans to meet at the con. She was 19 at the time, of it really matters, but we were still age appropriate friends.

The con comes by. I didn’t wear Attack on Titan the first day, felt kind of left out when we started meeting other people from the group. She’s always been a social butterfly (I think it’s an attention thing more than she actually enjoys it tbh, but I might be biased??) and I’ve been really shy about approaching people after being bullied in middle school. The next two days I wore my unfinished SNK cosplay, didn’t have the belts, but had a fun time.

She ran a panel and promised that I could be Hanji in it and let someone else be Hanji as well, and this person got more attention because she was more outgoing, which kind of bummed me out, but at 17, I was a very jealous cosplayer and would get jealous about people cosplaying the same thing as me. Not a healthy mindset, but it is what it is and you grow from it.

She had told me she was in pre-med (I’m going to remind you she’s 19 at this point, not unusual but it’s what she tells me next which is the questionable part) and that she’s going to start on the medical stuff the next year. I’m 17 and naive and don’t question it. I know now pre-med takes four years. This is an example of her lying to me/holding things in.

We continued being friends with the SNK group, had meetups at a local park, and whatever. She lamented to me about not being able to go to Colossalcon because she couldn’t afford it or something and my parents pay for cons, so I talked them into letting her stay with us. I had started cosplaying Ymir to her Christa and I did have a cry privately to LR when another girl cosplayed Ymir to another girl’s Christa because the other Christa felt left out by me being LR’s Ymir. I felt jealous they got more attention, again, not a healthy mindset, but I was 17 and convinced I was going to be a professional cosplayer. I know now it’s a bad mindset. LR took my meltdown the wrong way, which I’ll get to later.

It wasn’t long after, maybe a couple months. She had stopped hanging out with the friend I had met her with at the con, which I realize now is kind of sus, but I didn’t think anything of it at the time. But anyway, a couple months later at most, she makes a post in the Facebook group that she’s been feeling left out of the SNK group. A few people from it got together to talk about it, she finds out, and I get pissed. I make a big post in the group about how they’re purposely leaving her out. I’m loyal to a fault, and sometimes it blinds me. It splits the group, they still keep together, but LR and I separate from them.

We move on to different series and start doing cosplay photos. It’s something I wanted to do for a while. She’s a little hesitant, but I hype it up and she eventually gets into it. At Otakon, she asks mentions if I’d be okay with her cosplaying Juvia (a big comfort character of mine, and one I’d failed to finish a cosplay of that con, but I’d gotten Levy done, which still worked with her Lucy) and I’m thrown off guard. I tell her no lmao. I mean really though, what would I do? But it’s important later.

I have big plans. I don’t always finish my big plans. I want to do a ton of different cosplays and she feeds into me. She finishes things while I normally don’t. I realize I shouldn’t have agreed to do so many, but also, the one’s she made aren’t unwearable? She can cosplay without me matching? But it’s something she internalizes.

We book lots of shoots. It’s fun! We don’t get the most expensive photographers (we’re 18 and 20 at the time) but it’s fun. There’s a particular photographer I wanted to work with and she books her since she’s dealing with it at this point since I have a lot of anxiety talking to people. By the time the con rolls around, my costume didn’t work out the way I wanted and my skirt is held up with safety pins. It shows in the photos, so does her back acne. She goes on a tangent on her Facebook cosplay page about how unprofessional the photographer is, how she doesn’t edit photos for anyone but her friends. I, unfortunately, share it. At that time, neither of us have a big following (I still don’t, she doesn’t really either, only 3,700 after she remade, but did have almost 10k at one point), so it doesn’t go far. The photographer and friends stick up for the photographer and it doesn’t go anywhere luckily.

I’m falling deeper into depression at this point. I’m not finishing projects I’m supposed to do with her, messages are spotty on my end. We still do a couple of cons together. The next con of the first we met at comes around, I don’t have anything done, I’m mortified. I skip a whole day. It’s in driving distance so it’s not like I was wasting a whole hotel day. She gets photos solo. It seems fine.

She messages me one day that her parents kicked her out. Something about a fight over her mom saying minimum wage workers don’t work as hard and LR snapping back. Her parents were really nice the couple of times I met them, which isn’t always indicative of how someone really is, but now I feel in my gut that there had to be something more. It feels like petty reason. She moves into her grandparents (and further selfies match that, so it seems like it had to be bad if she never went back). She messages me this and I’m thrown so off guard. Yeah, we called each other best friends. We didn’t talk to many other people as far as I knew at that point, but I had no idea what to say. It’s bad on my part, but I didn’t answer her for a week.

She didn’t message me or anything, didn’t delete me off Facebook, but vague posted me there about being there for people when they won’t be there for you, and people were hyping her up. I realized it might’ve been about me. I called her crying, terrified. Sent her messages. I don’t exactly remember what transpired, but did make up.

There was a point she told me she was dropping pre-med to become an accountant because it took a year and she wanted to focus on cosplay. Again, stupid 18yo me believed that that made sense and was like, “Oh okay!”

We went to a couple more cons, I’m pretty sure she was using me. We make plans for Youmacon, but I don’t message her for like a week in September of 2015. She asks if I’m okay (the only time) I tell her I’m doing really bad. We don’t talk until close to the con. I admit to her that I was thinking of admitting myself to the psych ward it was that bad, but though I didn’t tell her that, it’s ultimately a very hard, very personal choice. (I made it in May and it’s not an easy choice.) She tears me a new one, saying I should’ve went, that I was using her for companionship. She said she had plans to go to another con?? So the way I see it, she cared more about going to a con than anything else. She never checked in on me after I told her I was doing bad, just to take my time.

She has a new bff at this point. This is going to be so cruel, but her new friend isn’t as put together, which is fine! Cosplay is for fun! But I mention this because they get photos together. After my obsession with becoming a professional cosplayer, LR got into that mindset too. I’m so fucking sure that she used this other girl in photos to look better next to. The difference is so obvious in photos.

I make a cosplay that LR cosplayed when we were friends. I’m so proud. I haven’t finished anything in months. I cosplay a couple of things she did, but we were friends at one point, we like the same series, and there are a lot of big series. It’s bound to happen.

She vagues me on Instagram. She continues to stalk me on there (and I did her, not proud of it, but I’ll admit it). She posts things about how an ex friend had a breakdown over her having other friends (when I confided in her my jealousy over the Ymir/Christa duo), how I wouldn’t let her cosplay Juvia lmao (this still gets me. What would I do? Break your arm? You asked me on the spot and I was uncomfortable.). There was one Juvia cosplay post that I mentioned I had lost weight because while my uncle was dying, I wasn’t eating. I was helping with cleaning his house and I just wasn’t fucking eating. She took that as a jab about her because she has self image issues. There was also a big post she made how she KNEW I was cosplaying all the same things as her to make her jealous and to make her insecure, mentioning me by name even. I reported it and it got taken down.

I’d heard things through the grapevine. How she started shit in the Fate community and she was afraid of being beat up at Katsucon’s public photoshoot. How she tried to make a Love Live group, but when two girls couldn’t afford it and they would no longer have all nine, she threw a fit and cancelled the whole group. I’d also heard about her making a fuss over photos she got back when a cosplayer’s grandparent was dying. I stayed away after like a year, but a couple of people who knew me that knew I was friends with her would tell me things.

I wasn’t the best person, either. I’ll take responsibility for that. I wish I could apologize to the people I hurt while friends with her, but I no longer remember their names. I was a dumb teenager. I still get swept up in the people around me and get carried away when the people I are about are hurt. Maybe it’s something I need to work on. But, I ultimately don’t think she’s grown. I don’t think she’s gotten better. I think she’s only gotten worse over the year.

I’m not proofreading. There might be more, but it was a lot to go through, but I wanted to get it out. I hope the read more works, but I’m gonna throw on a long post warning too. If you read this, thank you, by the way. I just felt like I had to get it out.

[purplesurveys]

619

what is the one thing you remember most about january of last year? January 2018 – we had a high school reunion thing. It felt a little weird because we had already lost a classmate to suicide then.

you look at the clock and it's 11:11, do you wish? No. how do you think you will look 3 years from now? I’ll probably still look the same, but hopefully with a new hairdo and with an upgraded wardrobe. once you graduate (if you haven't already) are you leaving your hometown? I have plans to, but I’m not going that far away immediately. I’ll probably just change cities so that I’m nearer to my workplace. what is your dream job? I don’t really have a dream job but it’s always been my dream to work with WWE in whatever capacity.

what would be number one on your bucket list? For now, it’d be going to Wrestlemania. I’ve always had plans to go to Wrestlemania 50, which is around 14 years from now. how old do you think you'll be when you make your will? I’ve already half-seriously made one and it’s sitting somewhere in the depths of my laptop’s files, just in case the worst happens. I have no idea when I plan to sit down and make a legit one. you get a text message. who do you hope it is? Gab. I wouldn’t appreciate anyone else texting me at midnight, lol. are there any songs that you hear that just make you wanna dance? Yeah, the entire After Laughter album is one. do you get any of your songs from limewire? No. I was too young for it and never actually experienced using Limewire. what's the oddest thing you are wearing right now? I’m not wearing anything weird rn, it’s just a tank and a pair of shorts. you and your best friend get in a fight. why do you think that is? Something petty. do you use the word "basically" a lot? I use it quite a lot in presentations tbh just because it simply became a habit, but I do try to tone it down these days because eeeeeveryone else uses it in reports as well. do you use proper grammar or use IM talk? I use both, sometimes separately and sometimes at the same time. what is your biggest annoyance at the time? I’ve been chewing with the right side of my mouth all week because I had a tooth extraction a week ago and I don’t know how long I have to wait till I can chew using my full set of teeth and not hurt the extraction site hhhhhhhhhh. you see the person you fell hardest for. what do you do? Be surprised that she showed up to my house this late. have/are you depressed? I am currently and probably have been in the last nine years. did you grow up in the united states? Nope. are you dreading tomorrow? Not really. If anything I’m just excited to have another day of bumming around. do you call anybody 'baby'? I do, yes. if your school had a winter formal on new years, would you go? No winter. where is the fanciest place you have ever visited? It’s a toss-up between the Manila Hotel and Makati Shangri-La.  who is the one person you can completely be yourself around? My two best friends. are your pop-ups blocked on your computer? Yes. do you wear earrings on a normal basis? I can’t; I butchered my left ear piercing years ago. I wear clip-on earrings nowadays. how old were you when you realized that life goes on? 17, when my grandfather died and I thought the world would wait for me to catch up. I realized it wouldn’t when I excused myself from class, told the reason why I was absent, and my teacher didn’t even bat an eye. are your parent's night owls or morning birds? Morning birds. I’m more of a night owl, so it always bums me out whenever we head home and it’s only like 5 PM haha. do you like to sing? When I’m by myself, yes. are there some songs that you will never understand the lyrics to? Yeah, this is me with The 1975 and alt-J lmao. do you own a lot of picture frames? No. who is your favorite author? I don’t have one. how many pillows are on your bed? Two big ones. how is your hair right now? Very messy and worn-out bun. is your phone fully charged? It’s 52% right now, so no. what's your favorite thing about the holidays? The break and the social media detox. are you still in school? Yes, but I have roughly six months left in it. how many days/months until your next birthday? A little less than four months away. what is your favorite type of cake? Answered this in a previous survey, but I love cheesecake. how many rings do you wear on a day-to-day basis? Zero. Not a big ring person. when will you next laugh until you cry? Not so sure... I’ll be seeing my cousins again for New Year’s Eve. Maybe then.

[slashersteve]

You finally saw Chapter Two!! What did you think of it??

I have an attachment to these characters, like even Pennywise. More of the kids though so I’m also bummed out because like- this is it. There’s nothing else after this and it’s lowkey depressing me :’) like it’s been a part of my life for 2 years and for it to be over, I’m like...sad....anyone else feel I know y’all do. But on to my thoughts~

Anon I loved it okay- I literally have no complaints. Well I actually wish Derry did get destroyed in a thunder storm but that’s just me because Pennywise was Derry. I also wanted them include Maturin, but I figure it’s a lot to dive into and there’s only so much time so they add in fun little Easter eggs of my turtle god who keeps throwing up universes. But like- there wasn’t a void with that giant turtle in the first one anyway so I didn’t expect them to do anything with that. I thought Pennywise was absolutely terrifying and riveting to watch, Bill Skarsgard did phenomenal (as always that talented man). Pennywise was such an asshole with the way he was taunting them like he deserved to get roasted to, quite literally, death lmao. I have to talk deadlights, but only it’s look. All the scenes including the first movie that showed the deadlights were very pretty and aesthetically pleasing I like shiny things pennywise wouldnt have to do much to get me looking at them tbh and plus I have no self control. Another thing! My favorite scene from the book is when that Paul Bunyan statue tries to murder Richie, only because when I read it it took me a while to realize the statue was trying to murder him. (I swear it said something like the giant ax nearly hit Richie or something and I was like lmao wait what) so it was cool and exciting to see that scene come to life. I have to talk about Bill Hader only because Richie is my favorite fictional character out of all my fandoms and I couldn’t imagine anyone better to play the part? He was so much Richie trashmouth Tozier that I now owe my life to the guy for playing him so perfectly. Then of course, a canon reddie- my HEART. Stan’s letter had me crying in the club, I thought it was a perfect closing and characterization on Stan, who would probably be my second favorite character right next to Mike (book Mike is the best character you heard it here) I think perhaps my most favorite part is that they remember each other after, and that quote that said something like- because there are some things that we want to remember? I don’t quite remember (alsjdkdhak ironic) but it was very sad yet also very sweet. I remember reading the end and Mike was like lol I’m starting to forget and I was like are you serious it just happened. And actually showing a Benverly endgame because again- MY HEART. As for the actors, I thought everyone were perfect for their roles. James Ransone, if you read this which you don’t but if you do- hi there I’m pretty sure I knew before you that you were going to end up playing Eddie. I was a bit iffy about James McAvoy (I don’t know what this guy did to me in a past life but everytime he’s mentioned I’m like ugh) but I ended up liking him as adult Bill, and this movie even made me like adult Bill because he isn’t my favorite person in the book rip- but in this movie especially that scene in the basement telling his younger self that it wasn’t his fault Georgie died hurted. On a lighter note/ the Pomeranian scene had me screaming alahskdhsjha

I have like a lot more thoughts on it too, but I’m kind of tired so I just went through the parts I can remember at the moment. Thanks for the anon!

[iluvmyogblog]

Roommates, Routines and Best Friends

A/N: he looks sooo damn good in that gif????????? 💗😤ik this plot line has been used a whole lot but i just wanna dabble into it, it seems interesting tbh. im kinda excited to be writing this story. also, i want this to be the Bucky that is super cocky and comfortable around girls? ya feel? Plus this is pt 1 of more to come !!!!!!

Summary: (AU) being roommates with the infamous womanizer Bucky Barnes is tough, especially when all he does is bring home different girls every night and complain about you and your choice of men. masterlist.

Words: 2120

Warnings: none!!!! ima cry

Roommates, Routines and Best Friends

You tossed and turned underneath your sheets - silk. You adored silk sheets. Although they were gorgeous and felt like a dream against your freshly shaved legs, they would always slip off of your bed. These sheets were on your bed no longer than two weeks. The last comforter you had turned black after your roommate decided to be generous and wash them for you. 

You sat up frustratingly and huffed, crossing your arms across your chest. The sounds of moans filling your room. You absolutely hated that the only available and affordable place for you to stay was with some stranger from Craigslist. Being a college student was hard. Every one of your checks from work usually went to student fees and loans. You had found this ad while scrolling profoundly on Craigslist. ‘Roomie needed! I don’t bite… hard. Kidding. I really need a roommate. Give me a call. Only $300 a month.’ It was ideal. The last place you stayed at asked for $800 a month. Granted, you kind of felt like it was too good to be true. And walking into the not so fancy building and up the very dimly lit stairs proved to be about right. But still, it was fairly nice for just $300 a month. You were assuming that the apartment was around probably $600 a month, the rent split between the two of you. 

Pulling the covers aside, you swung your legs off the side of your bed and stood up. Your tank top slightly rode up your torso and showed some skin. You didn’t sleep in shorts. You hated it. There was no way in hell you would sleep in shorts, even with a male roommate. Your door was always locked. He would tease you about that every day. ‘What do you do in there? Afraid I’ll walk in on you pleasuring yourself?’ You walked over to your dresser, tugging your hair into a messy bun, and ironically pull out some pajama shorts. You walked into your restroom and began to brush your teeth, letting the water run. The water always blocked out morning moans. Fortunately, his room was on the other side of the apartment. Unfortunately, the girls he would bring home were screamers. You were pretty sure they didn’t even know he had a roommate. You spit out the foam from your toothpaste and rinse out your mouth. You splash water on your face and pat it dry with a towel. 

“I had so much fun, Bucky. Bummed that you work today,” you heard an annoying voice say. You shook your head as soon as you realized Bucky doesn’t even have a job. He would use the most colorful excuses ever. Last weekend, he said his cousins turtle passed away and that he was supposed to design a coffin and ‘it would take all day long to perfect a small, little box for the poor animal’. You unlock your bedroom door and head to the kitchen. You watch Bucky pull out the milk from the fridge. 

“Oh, look. It’s my roommate,” he says as he sees you open a cabinet, pulling out Fruity Pebbles. You turn to him, sarcastically smiling.

“Oh, look. It’s Mr. Feel Good.”

He chuckles and pours some milk into your bowl of cereal as you pour some cereal into his bowl. “Wanna find out why they call me that?” You groan and get two spoons, sticking one into his cereal and putting the other in your mouth.

“Don’t be disgusting,” you mumble, taking your bowl to the island in the center of the kitchen. You pull yourself on top of the counter and place the bowl on your lap, taking spoonfuls of the delicious, colorful pebbles into your mouth. Bucky leans against the counter directly in front of you, bowl in his hands. The two of you eat in silence for a few minutes. This was a usual routine. It was Saturday morning. You didn’t work Saturdays. Bucky would always have something planned for you. He knew how much you liked structure, without having a plan for the day, you get in a really grumpy mood. Bucky hates bitchy you.

“So, I was thinking,” he says through his chewing, “we can have a Saw movie marathon today.” You watch him as he talks. Milk running down his chin, his black long-sleeved shirt hugging his defined body. His grey sweatpants resting on his lower body perfectly. You hated that he was so handsome. You would never dare tell a soul that you found him handsome. You swallow your spoonful and lift up your chin.

“Um, that honestly sounds fun… but I have a date today,” you say with a soft smile. You watch Bucky lift up his eyes to yours, furrowed eyebrows and mouth opened slightly. 

He sets his bowl down and steps closer to you, “I’m sorry. You have a date.. ? You said date right?”

You roll your eyes and set your bowl down besides you. “Yes, James. A date.”

“I’m sorry, it’s just..,” he says throwing his hands up, “you’ve been so cooped up in Sam land, I figured you’d be depressed about it longer.”

“Right,” you say as you hop off the counter, pushing past him. He sighs and grabs your empty bowl, putting it in the sink.

“(Y/n), I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I just meant that I’m glad you’re finally putting yourself out there again.”

You nod and sit down on the sofa, searching for the remote in between the cushion next to you. Bucky cleans up the kitchen quickly and walks over to the living room, opening the blinds. You squint at the new light source, flicking the tv on. “’Oh, okay Bucky. No worries. No hard feelings,’” he says as he tries his best to imitate your voice.

He glances at you as he takes a seat at the opposite end of the sofa. You roll your eyes and hide your smile with the remote. He always made you laugh, without even trying. Bucky was just that type of guy that made everyone laugh. No one can ever be sad around him. He just wouldn’t allow it. You shake your head and look over at him. His arms resting across the back of the sofa, his eyes focused to the tv. “No hard feelings. You know I hate when you bring up Sam,” you say as you rest your head on the comfortable cushion, extending your hand out to Bucky. He turns his head to you and copies your movements, grabbing the remote out of your hand.

“I know, doll. I hate bringing him up too. He’s a dick. You deserved better,” he says back to you with a sympathetic smile. You smile genuinely and mumble a ‘thank you’. He throws the remote onto his lap and pats your hand. You look at your hand and scoot closer, sitting in the middle of the sofa. He pulls you closer and lets you rest your head on his lap. “So, who’s the lucky guy?”

You bite your lip and smile, bringing your hands to your chest. “His name is Steven. Steven Rogers.” You stare at the ceiling, biting your finger softly, “he’s such a dream, Buck.”

“I know that name,” he says barely above a whisper. He knits his eyebrows together and tilts his head back. Clearly in deep thought. You look up at him and pinch his chin. He looks down at you and smiles. He liked how different you were. From the very first day you walked into his apartment, he knew he’d like you. He knew he’d never want to just treat you like he treats every other girl. He knew he would be able to talk to you and have fun without taking off each others clothes. 

“From where,” you asked curiously. He moves your baby hair out of your face, stroking the bridge of your nose with his finger. He smirks.

“He’s my best friend.” You sit up abruptly and turn to him with a shocked look.

“Your what?” He chuckles and sits up, nodding.

“Where’d you guys meet?”

“Uh… um at the- that party you dragged me to,” you said, still stunned. How did you not know he knew Bucky. You furrow your eyebrows, thinking. If he was best friends with Bucky, was he also like Bucky? Would he just kick you out the next morning?

“Ahh, I see,” he says as he realizes that you were the girl Steve told him about the other day. “Wasn’t that party like three weeks ago?” You nod slowly. “Wow, so you guys actually talk…?” You look at him with your infamous ‘duh’ face. He scoffs and pushes your face away softly.

“How come you never brought Steve over,” you ask as you playfully slap his hand away. He shrugs and avoids eye contact. Steve. The way you casually said his name. He didn’t know how to feel about this yet. If you had asked Bucky, he’d say you were his second closest friend besides Steve. His two best friends, and roommate, dating. 

“Do you like him,” he asks, searching for your eyes as you blush and look at your hands.

“Bucky, this is our first date,” you laugh out and shrug. “I mean, like I said, he’s a dream. I mean, yeah. I can see myself liking him.” You look up at Bucky with a smile, resting your head on your hand against the sofa.  Bucky nods slowly, propping his left elbow on his thigh, his right hand pushing against his right knee.

“He’s a good guy, (y/n).” He watches your smile grow bigger as you look at the wall behind him. You nod, knowing that your cheeks are probably redder than a tomato.

“Yeah, he is.”

Bucky sits back and looks at the tv. There’s a black and white movie playing. He feels you shift next to him. He feels your hair fall onto his shoulder. The smell of fruits and flowers consume his senses. You had let down your hair. You usually did this when you needed to get ready soon. He let out a quiet sigh and watched you slide your hair tie onto your wrist, putting your head on his shoulder. You shift until you’re in the perfect position. Bucky was so comfortable. His clothes always smelled like Downy, soft to the touch. You rub your cheek against the fabric covering his arm. You wrap your arms around Bucky’s arm. He liked when you did that. And he couldn’t help but think of you doing that with Steve now. He clenches his jaw and shakes his thoughts.

“Bucky, I’m nervous,” you whisper. He glances down at you, taking in your features. The very first word that he always uses to describe you was ‘angelic’. Your eyelashes battered perfectly when you’d blink. He liked how your nose was the perfect size for your face. And that one dimple you’d have when you would smile and talk and eat. And your lips were a perfect shade of pink.

“Don’t be,” he whispers back. You sigh and look up at him.

“What if he doesn’t like me after this date?”

Bucky’s lips curl into a smile and he chuckles softly, scanning your face again. “Come on, doll. He’s gonna love you after this date.” You smile and hide your face in his arm.

“If you’re wrong, Bucky… i’m moving out,” you mumble into his arm. You hear his hearty laugh.

“Shut up. You’re not going anywhere,” he says. You pull yourself away from him, getting off of the sofa.

“You’re right. Your pancakes are the ones that keep me here. I’m gonna go get ready. It’s a day date. Bet you’re not used to those, huh,” you say, adding a playful wink at the end, earning a smirk from Bucky.

“Whatever, doll.”

But you were right. He’d never been on one of those. Let alone, an actual date. Hanging out with you was as close to a date he’s ever had. He’s never hung out with a girl. He’s only slept with them. The girl he sees himself settling down with is someone like you. Works for what she wants, works for what she has, genuine and sweet. Oh, so sweet. Sometimes he even dreams that you’re the one who he sleeps next to every night and makes breakfast for. I mean, he does half of that. But he can’t shake the uneasiness he feels when he thinks of you with Steve. It’s not that he has feelings for you, because he doesn’t. He couldn’t. You’re his roommate, his close friend. And now his best friends girl, probably. That is if the date goes well.

•••

if u wanna be added to the taglist, lmk!!!! 💗

But what do you guys think so far?? What do y’all think Sam did?? 👀

tag(s): @coal000 @goldenstateof @cherrywinedarling​ @justahappylilblog​ @faakelanadelrey @juicyqueenlme

[wolfwhiteflowers]

Carol and TF 

(fandom wank) (anti C/E) I miss her with TF. Last time was probably s6.

So lately I’m reading some posts about Carol and that fans miss her being with team family. (yeah carol fans, not just carylers) I get confused when C/E shippers kept saying she still is or she decided to be with Zeke instead. Like um C/E shippers dont understand why it’s depressing ...or I just don’t get how Carol being in Kingdom seems totally fine. 

Then I kept thinking what is Team Family to me. Team Family is Rick’s friends or anyone on Rick’s side. But then I think Carol fans(me) when they say they want Carol with TF again. They mean Carol with most of the TF which are living in ASZ ...or Carol with Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Michonne. Also they mean Carol with the characters that been there for a long time/major characters. Zeke has been kinda a new character of the TF for 2 seasons. So it’s like Carol at Kingdom is like Carol with a few (minor) TF members far away from the major characters. It just sucks...she away from the others. Makes me think Carol stories are boring and we see less of her. (isn’t it Maggie away from TF too? But she got big arcs and interacted with other TF too.)

 And a lil rant about some C/E shippers..or ABD/ABC shippers. They gotta know that Carol is close with Daryl. It’s obvious and writers/AMC know that Caryl have a special bond. So it’s weird to have Carol not care or completely have Daryl outta her life. Or Carol not talk to other TF that she’s gonna stay at the Kingdom. (also we got Caryl moment through out s7 and s8, and it’s weird there’s no final Caryl moment of this arc. Actually Caryl scenes were used as  Carol with TF moments too.)  Maybe just from the few shippers, but Idk why they’re so confident with their ship ..and the general fans thinking C/E will happen, ...when C/E didn’t interact at all in the finale. Like yeah all Carol-shippers got burned. we don’t know anything. Plus, if I was a C/E shipper, I would be bummed about the finale and worried* about s9 comics stuff. I would just not expect the ship to last..just enjoy the short ride. I’m mostly a Carol fan. I just think it would be annoying if Carol suddenly with E. sigh..i want good buildup and writing and stuff. (like if they want C/E happen in s9 then they should of make their buildup better in s8, more cute stuff, more reasonings, a scene in the finale.) TBH, Carol going to Kingdom reminds me of s7 finale where Carol and Morgan are at ASZ on the porch after the battle. She didnt interact TF but still sat next to Morgan. Like it doesn’t mean much ..not romantic. It really does seem like she’s at the Kingdom for Henry.

idk..based on the comics or Kirkman’s writing, if writers wanna keep following the comics, I kind of feel like there would be more  moments of TF being separated. It’s like so a character explore one story and the other character helps explore the other story. Like Michonne- Kingdom, Maggie-Hilltop, Rick-ASZ. < main characters. Also like right now in the comics. It’s mostly the group in Ohio that found a community. The group that led by Michonne and Eugene. (No other main characters there like Rick and Carl and Maggie) But it’s the comics which is a different medium and it’s all Kirkman’s story. Who knows what tv writers will do but it’s like yeah a bummer and well hope they keep TF together as much as they can.

Yeah, I’m overthinking. I miss Carol and her with TF.

[azeemtheman]

Life as a closeted depressed guy.

Entry 1

Hello , i’ve never posted anything here because i felt like my life isn’t as interesting or colourful enough to be shared to the public. But i felt the need to make entries of this because as far as i can remember, life hasn’t been to kind to me. Could be my fault as well but nobody wins a blame game.

Recap of my life as of this, i’m 25 now and life has been a major shitstorm so far. Academically, i’m fucked because i just failed a class because my smart ass wanted to cram as much as i could ,only to fall asleep and was late to the point they won’t allow me to sit for the paper. Technically, this broke my spirit so much. i saw all my friends doing well. It didn’t get to me much but it was enough for me to hear my thought calling me a failure. Lecturers weren’t as helpful as i thought because all i got was being told multiple time how it’s my fault and how i fucked up my life. Haven’t told the parents yet because i’m scared that i won’t be able to handle looking them in the eye and telling them i fucked up again(i’ve plenty of fuck ups)

My girlfriend on the other hand, said that if i fucked up again . She’ll leave me .This means im spending borrowed time with her which hurts because i wanted to tell her how i’m doing but the guilt of pouring out my feelings toward someone is just something i’ve been having trouble with. I love her so much. To the point that if she leaves me. i would be ok with that. i mean, who wants to be with a failure. Nobody deserves the troubles of having a failure for a spouse. Marriage has always been something we both discussed and tbh knowing that it might not happen has made me a little numb in the emotional aspect of life.

I have a little sister whose turning 12 this year. I would die for her. She’s the reason i haven’t killed myself yet. I was always the person that’ll do everything in my power to help you but would rather die than trouble you. I’m also the one that people will forget soon. Having no job atm because dad believes that i should devote myself to my academics has caused me to always be broke despite dad giving me money every month. This is because i’ve always put myself in situations that would cost me.

I’ve always felt this heavy feeling of sadness since i was probably 8. But the environment of my life doesn’t allow me to be talking about my feelings because you’ll always be ask to seek it from God. Too bad i’m not much of a believer. Im sure that my family would say that my fuck ups are due to the fact that i wasn’t devoted to my religion. Which bums me out even more.

If you met me face to face. You can see that i’m very cheerful,loud and friendly because i feel that showing people i’m sad feels like i’m spreading the sadness to my environment. I feel like shit 24/7 and i would never want anyone around me to feel even a minute of this.

Anyway, that’s all i have to say for now. Hope life gets better after this post. Unfortunately that’s an unpredictable notion and a man has soo much that he could handle. Maybe i need to do an “Into the Wild” type shit and just isolate myself from everything.

[sal-of-so-u-l]

Biggest regret in you life ...

Hahahha that changes by the minute tbh. Idk if this counts cus most people have been here and manage not to give a fuck. But it’s important to me so I guess I’ll put it here rather than keep it in my head lol - I know it’s probably going to stay with me for a long ass time anyways  And it’s the one I’m most comfortable in talking about on here lol

So I have this friend (let’s call her Bum)

This is more a lingering regret than anything but (I think it was) last year I was crushing hardways on a chick that I was living with when some stupid shit went down. I did a stupid and had the wool pulled over my eyes, and I lost my best mate Bum because of it (or the closest I’ve had to one anyway). She’s still around and we’ve hung out from time to time, but I can see it’s not the same

Now I know this gal well, we’ve been friends for like 6-7 years?? (we met in year 8/9 so longer I think but we’ll roll with that) but I know what her trust looks like - and I can see that she just doesn’t have any in me anymore and it hurts 

I love this person to bits and they take up an enormous place in my heart, I adore her personality and out of everyone I know she happens to have the phattest car by fucking miles it’s fucking beautiful. But anyways I tend to be pretty honest with shit like that - simply cus ya boy believes in telling people what you think before they’re gone - which is probably what allowed for so much trouble to be caused in the first place. And while the shite that went down was simultaneously my fault and not my fault, the hardest pill to swallow (once I‘d got my head around what (I think at least) had actually happened), was that it didn’t matter what I thought I knew or what I knew was wrong or right; What mattered most was her and her perspective, and how hurt/humiliated my closest damn friend must have been feeling because of it. There was no way to explain anything to her, certainly not without it just sounding like excuses. Not to mention I didn’t even really know what had happened for a while tbh - and she’s the best kind of person but she’s stubborn and proud lol so I knew that she wouldn’t want to listen to anything I had to say until she was ready, and rightfully so. Now I’m a fucking idiot so basically it took me too long to work out but once I did it was over and done with, I’d had laps run around my head completely and the thing I had to accept was that it really didn’t matter what I thought. Cus if I didn’t matter enough for her to wanna hear it then there was nothing I could do. And knowing her and the way she reacts to hurt I really didn’t believe I’d ever see or hear from her again tbh. Which was fair enough from her point of view but it really fucken hurt to think my friend was out there thinking I’d said god-knows-what purely with the intention of hurting her or embarrassing her or whateverthefuck, that I’d wanted to (and succeeded in) hurting her. And that’s just not something I would ever do.  And I couldn’t fix it or reverse it, I couldn’t talk to her at all, and it really really sucked cus this is a person I just want to see live the best life she possibly can

I did break a promise at one point and I gave up on ever hearing from her again. So I threw my hands up and decided she wasn’t worth to me anymore the hurt I was feeling, and the shit I still thought she’d said about me. And crikey lol that was a mistake. Regardless of how we might be now, I truly appreciate how big a part of me she is and mainly cus I made the mistake of trying to remove her - and man I do not recommend at all. Getting rid of someone like that hurts a lot and idk if this kind of shit feels the same to everyone but it physically hurt to try. I’m sorry to drone on but to describe it, it was like there were vines that had grown/wrapped around my heart that I was now just tearing away - and it burned, I felt like I was carving lines in my chest  (Something I had to level with myself about, even then, was that you can’t be that hurt or upset by someone who doesn’t mean anything to you, so I knew I was lying to myself is the short version of that^) But she asked me to leave her alone at the time so I did just that

I still haven’t really explained my part of things to her yet and I regret that, but then again I think the time for explanations has passed. And I know that trying to pin her down to talk it out would be less about her and more about me anyway so I don’t want that either, I’m starting to forget the details anyway.  I think I just wish there was a way to repair the way her eyes see me, and despite us practically being so these days, it still hurts to have her look at me like I’m just a stranger sitting on the end of her bed or smth 

Anyways my point is this: I know that I don’t mean as much to her now as I did a couple of years ago, and hell maybe I never meant anything much to her at all if the stuff she said when she was mad is to be believed. And I know that you can’t force someone to care about you. I wouldn’t to do that to someone either.  But I think a lesson I did learn was this: you can choose what you think of other people or how much you care about them, that’s well within your rights - but what you don’t get to decide is if or how much someone cares about you.

I choose to care about this person now just like I’ve always done. Utterly and completely. She can be a dickhead and a bit ridiculous, but she’s good for a laugh and she puts up with me - and it means a lot to me. So even if I never heard from again tomorrow ik that if she asked for my help in 30 years I wouldn’t ever be too far away to give it.  I admit, I don’t know that she even wants me in her life anymore - I doubt she does seeing as I’m growing more and more certain the reason I heard from her again to begin with was because she was hurting over something else. I also admit that I completely failed to help her like I should have then, I might have been depressed as shit at the time but she gave me a second chance and I was still a shitty friend — and I regret not being better at putting my own crap aside to help her out.

But even if I never get to tell her anything that was going on in my head at the time -- I’m hoping that she finds it in her heart to really forgive me for any hurt I might’ve caused her, right or wrong  I absolutely adore this person, she’s someone who’s mind and company I cherish and want in my life, and I don’t want to lose her if I can help it. I care enough that I’m willing to earn her trust back again, even if it means hitting the reset button and just completely starting again  But while I really hope she wants the same thing, I’m also not that naïve. I shouldn’t hold my breath but I care about her so much. I just hope I don’t have to let her go

Tbh I could say so much more about this person, she’s a gem, but this is already a fucking essay and a half for such a simple question - and even then it doesn’t really answer it (sorry anon lol). I’m not happy with it and I feel like it’s not close to good enough but I started like 4 hours ago lol so I’m gonna wrap it up here I think. Thanks for listening kids, sorry if I bored you

TL;DR I care for the people I care for quite deeply, but in the words of one of the coolest friends I’ve ever had “shit happens bro”, if I could add to that though I’d like to just say that I wish shit would happen to her in particular less

I wish the best for you Bum and I hope to god you never see this lmao, you’d bully me about it forever

But if ya do, and you work out it’s even me lol; know that I’m sorry for being so damn oblivious/selfish/insertamillionthingshere. Ik I‘m rarely the best person, but I’m not a bad one either. And I hope you can forgive me for being a shitty shit-for-brains friend  You’re tougher than I think you give yourself credit for but please don’t be so damn proud that you forget to ask for help if you need it, even if the help is me  

Be safe dude, and take good care of that fkn heart of yours homie please (that goes for the rest of you too✌️)

                                                                                              10/12/2019  5am

[jack-irallie]

Rules: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. 

I was tagged by @geothefafa

🍒LAST🍒 Last drink: Black Tea

Last phone call: I called my mom to ask if the extra tator tots in the freezer were up for grabs, long story short, delicious 

Last text message:  Confirmation for sending in a scholarship form

Last song you listened to: uhhh *checks phone* Hymn by Kesha

Last time I cried: I got frustrated after having sleep paralysis for like the third time in two weeks (kill me)

🍒HAVE YOU EVER🍒 Dated someone twice: no

Been cheated on: *sighs* yeeeepppp

Kissed someone and regretted it: I’ve never kissed anything but a pillow *sweats nervously*

Lost someone special: yeah but 9/10 times it was for the better in the long run

Been depressed: all day erry day

Been drunk and thrown up: I’m a baby that tried drinking once, freaked out, and downed a bunch of water, so no

🍒IN THE PAST YEAR HAVE YOU🍒 Made a new friend: met @averageordinarysuperhuman about six months ago, he’s the best, love you bro <3 (Also @crusheramaris , you’re one cool friend *thumbs up*)

Fallen out of love: twice

Laughed until you cried: every time I hang out with @geothefafa​

Met someone who changed you: @averageordinarysuperhuman , you’ve brought out all the best things in me my dude

Found out who your true friends were: I hope all my friends are true cause I love them all

Found out someone was talking about you: um I don’t think so? That’s good

🍒GENERAL🍒 How many people on tumblr do you know in real life?: my best friends @geothefafa and @paramore-sparks

Do you have any pets?: My brother has some fish, and we have two family guniea pigs (though I’ve learned I’m not very good with small animals whoops)

Do you want to change your name?: My birth name is Hayley, and while I go by Jack now, I do still need to change it legally

What time did you wake up this morning?: Around 7 am to help with cleaning the house

What were you doing last night?: Pass out at like nine, wake up a couple of hours later from sleep paralysis, calm myself down, and then go back to sleep.

Name something you cannot wait for: when @averageordinarysuperhuman and I can finally live together

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Love Tom, feel bad for the dude for never being able to catch that damn mouse

What’s getting on your nerves right now?: Myself for being too jittery to focus on anything productive

Blood type: Red

Nickname: uhhhh I don’t have one tbh...wait. DOORMAN

Relationship status: Wishful for the future with the biggest crush on a certain someone <3

Zodiac sign: Pisces

Pronouns: he/him

Favorite tv show: A tie between Spongebob and Superjail

College: a yearish away from an associates in psychology

Hair color: dark brown that some people mistake for black (I remember thinking it was the coolest thing as a kid though, cause I found a hair dye in the store that was exactly the same color as mine)

Do you have a crush on someone: HMM I WONDER *sweats even more nervously*

What do you like about yourself: I’ve always loved my hair. And the fact that I’m a dude, that too. But honestly, even though I don’t like myself too much, I’m learning. Remember “who changed you?” That was more meaning a change of perspective of myself. I’ve learned to love myself more because they don’t care about my imperfections, they even like my weird quirks, and always comfort me when I’m feeling down about myself.

🍒FIRSTS🍒

First surgery: I was a tumor baby, does that count?

First piercing: I got ear piercings as a younging, only for them to get infected, and I had to take them out. And I never tried again, thank goodness. My ears are happy and unpierced. 

First sport you joined: My parents wanted to me to join the soccer team that my aunt ran when I was little, but it was hell 0/10 do not recommend. 

First vacation: Wales, England for my sixth birthday (I wanna go back bruh)

Eating: First...food? What does this even mean? That titty milk I guess

Drinking: (gonna assume this means first alcohol) We already went over this

I’m about to: fuck it, probably go to sleep

Listening to: silence

Want kids: *punts kids into sun*

Get married: marriage is super important to me, but nothing big. A small thing and then off to a honeymoon in Japan

Career: I’m working towards being a therapist, but right now, I’m a bum with no job lol

🍒WHICH IS BETTER🍒

Lips or eyes: Eyes if being romantic, lips if being sexy

Hugs or kisses: Both, lazy cuddles with pecks on my neck

Shorter or taller: Considering my crush, smoll is adorable

Older or younger: Older, but not too much older (though I love age gaps in fictional romantic stories)

Romantic or spontaneous: hopeless romantic but super shy

Sensitive or loud: I'm a super sensitive baby that needs to be protected at all costs

Hook up or relationship: bruh I don’t even want sex, so relationship, please

Troublemaker or hesitant: I can be a little shit tbh

🍒 HAVE YOU EVER 🍒

Kissed a stranger: I kissed a boy in second grade but I knew him so nah

Drank hard liquor: see the fact that I’m a baby from earlier

Lost glasses/contacts: I got them good eyes

Sex on first date:  I mean, I’d bang Danny Avadian in a heartbeat. But anyone else? Nah 

Broken someone’s heart: HHHHHhhhhhnnn I hope not but that’s personal

Been arrested: *authoritarian policeman* HEY

Turned someone down: not really actually

Fallen for a friend:  short answer: yep

🍒 DO YOU BELIEVE 🍒

In yourself: I’m learning to, but currently, not a lot

Miracles: When I started my period back in seventh grade, I didn’t have a pad and was on a field trip, but just decided to ignore it, and nothing bad happened. I only told my mom about my period the second time it happened. I think that’s a miracle. Oh and also meeting @averageordinarysuperhuman that too (lmao), and having other amazing friends

Love at first sight: nah, that’s just infatuation (either in a romantic or sexual sense), gotta get to know them to truly be in love 

Heaven: I’m not sure? I feel like our rationalizations of religion as a whole are just ways for humans to understand a concept that’s way too big for us to even start to wrap our brains around. It’s on such a higher level that it’s impossible. So, taking the concepts and dumbing them down, I do see how a place for souls to go when they die does make sense. Though, I believe in reincarnation so *shrugs*

Santa Claus: He was a real guy a long time ago, so yeah, technically. He seemed like such a sweet, old man :)

[kitwilsonsass]

anyway at some point i should probably ramble about my trip to boston?? so i’m gonna go ahead and do that??

like right off the bat let me just say the worst [art was actually GETTING to mass. my train was supposed to leave at 9:55am, and around 7:50 i got a text saying it was delayed until 1:03pm. we arrived around noon, and gradually my anxiety about going on the trip turned into anxiety of NOT getting on the trip as the board kept delaying... and delaying... and delaying...

....and then it started pouring out. crazy wind. murmurs the train lost signal and all contact with the station. after i finally got on (at 3:00pm), my aunt texted me that all that? yeah. that was a tornado warning. wat.

i got a pair of seats to myself for most of trip. fought with my wifi. listened to the crazy lady rant about dope ruining america a few rows back. mostly enjoyed the view and basked in the fact that i was not, shockingly, puking my stomach lining out. until we got to utica, and a shit ton of people got on.

my seat buddy then became an almost cute 18 year old dude with dreads and a lower half trash polka sleeve who was more interested in his earbuds than anything so i was fine with this. until we were about to MA and a few exchanged word and lazy lounging around turned into him doing THING guys think is cute where they lowkey rub your skin with the side of their finger against my thigh. so i ended up sitting up and the next stop he moved his shit to another seat. YEAH BYE.

along the way we kept having to stop bc signal problems and track construction and letting other trains pass. needless to say the train that was supposed to get in at like 8pm got in at at like 2:30am.

it was miserable, and raining. rachel got us an uber and i sat in the back seat next to some chick wh was super pretty and dressed up and here i was, a goblin, smelling like train restoom, in an ill fitting deadpool hoodie and yoga pants.

when we got to her place she made me some ramen (WITH THE RANDOM EGG AND EVERYTHING) that was good but spicy af and my stomach noped out and tbh over a week later my stomach is just now letting me eat properly again. tho i’m blaming this more on the issues with my abdomen acting up prior to leaving than the actual trip (tho, my skin having pores the size of actual craters i am blaming on the trip). i think the one thing we ate that DIDN’T act up in my body was the awful chicken wings we got from Wings Over that were about half fat and ridiculously undercooked. it figures.

ANYWAY. her futon is huge. it’s sad that i have more leg room on a futon than an actual mattress, but whatever. and there was construction going on across the street. fun fact: i came home to construction going on on MY street. so this was inescapable from the jump.

day 1 i got cute as possible and we hopped a bus and a train. my stomach was less forgiving of the motion here, but i lived. i saw Ron, the T-Rex. and we went to the isabella gardner museum where she lied and said i was a student. i was then asked a bunch of questions about being a student, none of which i was prepared for, and i’m pretty sure the only reason they let me in was because my zip code was accurate. that place is massive and pretty gorgeous from head to toe and i can’t fathom ever being that fucking rich.

then we went to get some food at a nifty little bar and restaurant . the name is escaping me rn but i stole a coaster. again, the food did not agree with me, and i could do a review on boston restrooms at this point. but it was great.

NINJA SEX PARTY! the house of blues wasn’t as bad as reviews made it sound, and aside from the mess that was the merch table they we kind of cheated like assholes due to some pretty honest confusion, was a good time. the line was MASSIVE. we got there an hour early and it was already around the corner and hard to miss. by the time we got towards the front of the building, it was around the block. we met a couple younger dudes from maine and a significantly more awkward gentleman more our age to keep us entertained. there were some street musicians. some asshole staff. you know.

all i really have to say about the concert itself was it was probably the best live music show of any kind i’ve ever been to and definitely the most enjoyable environment (huge tall dude who kept, somehow, ending up directly in front of me aside). everyone sounded amazing live, even if we were RIGHT under the speaker stage left and now permanently have bass vibrations embedded in our bones.

day two we hit up the museum of fine arts, which is massive and we didn’t see all of (and i paid full price for, thank you very much) and then grabbed a pizza and those awful wings and intended to chill out with some boy meets world. but the disks wouldn’t play. so we settled on mst3k. and let me tell you, i have not nearly cried from laughter in something as much as ‘cry wilderness’ nearly made me fucking cry.

day three we headed to south station to meet probes and hung out. there were a bunch of food trucks outside that were kinda neat. we didn’t think that girl would ever fucking find us, but she did. everything was OKAY. NO NEED TO PANIC. NO FIVE HOUR DELAYS. jess gives massive hugs, for the record.

we hit up a spot for lunch where they served be like, the biggest plate of pasta and bread i have ever witnessed in my life. i felt wasteful only eating barely half of it. then we found our way to the trains and the aquarium just in time for some sweet penguin education and eventually a lecture on their huge ass fucking tank that takes up the entire center of the room with a 90 year old sea turtle in it and some sharks and string rays. it was pretty cool, yo.  i got a stuffed squid in the gift shop, even tho we did not see any giant squids (0/10 do not recommend) and outside jess gave me a present even though i fucking told everyone no presents (RAChEL ALSO GAVE ME NAIL POLISH AND A WRISTBAND WTF). it was a new day candy bar from fye. and yes, pop rocks n chocolate is surprisingly pleasant.

our PLAN was to go see hitmans bodyguard. but everyone showing it before like 7 was only showing 3d, and we wanted to get her on a bus home by 9. haha what fucking suckers @ us, because the bus didn’t leave until like 10. so we got shitty milkshakes, hit up the comic shop, and wandered around harvard for a bit until it got dark. and then were stuck at south station, wondering if she was going to be stuck in MA forever. reflecting on two quiet nerds and one extrovert being a not great possible combination of three people. but i still had a good time.

day 4 we did, in fact, see hitmans bodyguard and while it was mostly forgettable summer action lulz, i do ship the hell out of samuel l jackson and salma hayek now. so that’s cool. it was a fun time. hit up the park after, and a b&n to get schooled on peak writing stephen king. then we went to starbucks and i HAD STARBUCKS FOR THE FIRST TIME?? it was the double choc ship frap thing. it’s good. i’m mad about it.

we headed back, did laundry, ordered food. i ought her dream daddy, which was a waste of money, but i do take pride in just knowing she’s stuck having technically played a portion of dream daddy now. it’s her own fault for asking about it, it really is. mostly we watched more mst3k, some grumps shit, some random shit, some postmodern jukebox, had a drink. just chilled. and the ‘oh... fuck... haha... i have to go home tomorrow’ feeling hit when i turned off the lights.

i was too bummed the next day for much of anything tbh. i get depressed after anything fun. i get depressed after wwe shows, lmao, so for the trip to already be over when it suddenly seemed like i just got there sucked. plus it only just then really hit me i was in a different part of the country, if that makes sense even if it was only one state over. it was a weird realization as someone who never travels to have.

the train home i wasn’t so lucky to be alone most of it. i ended up in an aisle seat with a college girl. we minded our own business. stuck directly under the AC that was way too cold. a woman and a fucking baby sitting the next row over the second any space cleared out. had a layover in albany where an old guy made me a shot of iced chocolate espresso which he had never been asked to make before, and truthfully, i’d never had before, but it was alright. i actually enjoyed the layover as some weird, space between spaces, time to reflect on my own in an unfamiliar place kind of thing.

we got in around midnight, my aunt picked me up. got home around one.

that was that.

i had a really good time. i’m sure it didn’t seem that way. i’m like that. but i did and i appreciated the opportunity and definitely appreciated rachel for letting me freeload on her futon and showing me around and making me ramen i felt guilty for not finishing.

the city was nice. i’m sure i was only seeing the nicer parts, mind you, but compared to rochester or buffalo it just felt wider, cleaner. idk. i didn’t HATE it, and as someone who hates being in cities for more than a couple hours, it wasn’t bad.

it was a great time away from the world and despite the stress of coming home to everything, and a room without molding on the door (which was, for the record, still locked), i did feel a lot better afterwards. i still do.

=)