#I’m posting art slowly just to have content to upload

[butter1knife]

Mmmm yummy hamburger I’m so hungry and wasted HELLO !

Okay I’m back, that was me like 6 hours ago I haven’t posted this yet and I have nothing to say other than everybody in my neighborhood are partying !!!

[kikisfuneralservice]

LEE TAEMIN BF HEADCANONS

always wanted to know what lee taemin is like as a boyfriend? your questions have been answered…

includes nsfw content‼️

*ALL CONTENT IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND NON-ASSOCIATIVE WITH ANY OF SHINEE OR SM ENTERTAINMENT- PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!*

FLUFF:

likes waking you up early

for no reason too he's just your alarm clock cuz he’s loud as hell in the morning

clashing shit around n bein loud

he takes longer than you to get ready

you are ready to leave in sweatpants and he’s got a full outfit on and you’re like come the fuck on

wants to buy you expensive things so you two can be the stylish couple instead of the trashman and the hot guy

you like being the trashman tho so it’s ok

swings your hand that he’s holding while u two are walking n starts skipping n shit cuz he thinks it’s cute while you’re like :| what

ties your shoes, buttons up your coat, puts on your scarf, etc. loves taking care of you

loves laying his head on yours when yall are on the bus or train

he also likes sharing earbuds with u!! he just does it to be physically closer to u tho lol

writes gross poems out in the notes app in his phone for you and they physically make you ill because of how cheesy they are

*some odd interpretative dance in the middle of the street* “this represents my love for you”

you: 🧍 “take it back pls”

u both are just very chaotic

copies people that he sees on the street bc life imitates art

tries to say profound things but they end up coming out sounding like tongue twister

sends up just telling a story from ten years ago that you’ve already heard before

but you’d never tell him that

likes to take the scenic route even though it’s far longer because he loves taking photos

speaking of which, he has more than 10k photos in his camera roll, half of them being of the sky and the other half being memes from twitter

is a big fan of trashy reality tv—sometimes more than you

i hc him as a huge love island fan

he likes ordering you both large coffees from starbucks and sitting down on the couch and gossip about the love island contestants

always somehow roots for the couple that gets eliminated the fastest

is very passionate about voting on reality television shows

tries to imitate their accents (he is convinced he could be Australian)

also is someone who yells at the tv, but also stops it every five seconds to talk about what’s going on in depth bc no one else would understand

loves doing karaoke so u guys have karaoke nights

he buys the goddamn microphones too

he just loves doing the things he loves the most with you

as long as he’s with you :)

SMUT:

loves touching u more than anything else 

loves getting on his knees to look up at you while you run ur fingers through his hair

loves loves loves praising u but only if u reciprocate it back

just very very sensual and does everything slow just to take it in

french kissing/??!?!?!?!?

yeah

puts your hands everywhere on him

rlly likes handjobs???

he just wants ur hands on him

he loves getting off on the thought of u

loves when u sit on him facing each other just bc he wants to see ur pretty face as u get off on him

mutual masturbation!!!!!

does that thing and pulls u closer to him by ur legs

likes when ur on top of him just cuzzzz

it’s the best seat in the house

he likes seeing u in control thats all it makes him feel loved and wanted

loves putting ur foreheads together so he can feel ur breathing against his lips as u slowly fuk him👀

his eyes are way too much to handle

slightly hooded and pupils dilated so much it’s like he just got back from the eye doctor

“lemme show u what i've always wanted to do to u”

wants to know he’s making you feel good

---

how do we feel about these taemin hcs that have been sitting in my wips folder for actually about a year?? i’m sorry ;-; i wanted to upload a little something before i go ia this weekend, and i thought i’d upload the taemin hcs! if you are interested in more content, please make sure to see my pinned post!

please make sure to rest well this weekend and heal: i will be here or on my twitter for anyone who would like to reach out.

TAGLIST FOR THE SPECIAL PEEPS (lmk if you’d like to be a part of this to get notifs on my new posts!): @keyloml​, @jjongolese​, @taeminscheesetouch​, @dayskz​, @jonghyuns-husband​, @taeminscult1​

[generic-whumperz]

Bullshit & Masterlist(s)

THIS BLOG CONTAINS ADULT (NSFW) CONTENT, VIEWER DISCRETION IS ADVISED! 

(This ain’t a daycare, minors kick rocks)

We write sins and tragedies

Side blogs:

•@generic-whumper (SFW whumping) •@generic-throw-away-blog (random bs & some fandom stuff) •@generic-writing-tips (exactly as it sounds) •@generic-horror-slut (for just straight up horror and gore)

The Aid Masterlist (current WIP, 18+)

Apocamerica AU

Other works can be found at the bottom of this post under “Story Stuff,” but there isn't much else because I'm focusing on The Aid for now.

Congratulations, you have stumbled upon another (generic) whump blog, hence the name! Blog est. Aug 2023. Currently just working on one story right now (yay hyperfixations), that is slowly consuming every waking thought. Help

Fun facts to share with the class:

I prefer to be anonymous on here, so just call me “Generic/Gen,” them/them, mid (quit lying to yourself) late-20’s.

Dyslexic bitch & silly goose—please excuse typos, misspellings, and any grammatical errors! I re-read and edit as best as I can, but my brain be playin’ tricks on me, and shit falls through the cracks! Just manage your expectations is all I’m sayin’, I’m not a professional.

I’m (unfortunately) an American and my obnoxious word choice will probably reflect that.

I’m currently a full-time college student taking a single class because I suck! But still, any written works I choose to share will not be uploaded on a set schedule (I write slow, my brain only occasionally works, & yada-yada), I apologize in advance!    

I run a queue—and nah I won’t tag it.

Lover of cryptids (Mothman fucks), paranormal enthusiast and certified Haunted™️. Weird shit WILL leak into my writing eventually. Don’t be surprised if a ghost or skin walker makes a cameo. It’s more fun this way, just go with the flow.

House plant addict. They are all my children. Ask me how big my monstera is ;)

Irl I’m a (professional) stained glass artist

What You’ll See Here: 

All types of Whump; I’m talking all of it bay-bee (detailed types below this section), including: polls, writings, prompts, tropes, scenarios, art, gifs, etc.

Reblogs-a-plenty

Really bad home grown memes 

Whumpy rambling coming straight from my delirious brain

My own sub-par short stories, ficlits, and maybe even an eventual series or two

My own mediocre art

I fuck with a lot and don’t really have any “squicks”, but to narrow it down, the prime pickings are:

All gender & POC whump (including lady whump, lady whumpers, mixed gendered Whumpee & Whumper combos, etc. Errybody getting whumped ‘round here. But yes I love to see men particularly in distress and blubbering bloody messes, sue me.)

APOCALYPSE (+ sci-fic & fantasy)

RED ROOMING

CULT

SLAVERY

TORTURE (especially in explicit detail)

Cannibalism & weird blood shit

Gore and body horror (including puke and all that)

Hurt/no comfort, maximum pain and immense suffering is the name of the game 🤘

When I do dabble in comfort—recovery and caretaking is preferably longer with nuanced healing journeys and after character has been through absolute hell and it’s messy AF

Physical, emotional, and psychological whump (if there’s all three it’s a magical trifecta of hurt)

Drug (illicit and otherwise)

Dehumanization

Captivity (short & long term)

Vampires & zombies (see GORE & CANNIBALISM)

Multiple Whumpees, multiple Whumpers

Family of whumpers (this is niche I know but fuck is it my kryptonite) 

The biggest POS and/or terrifying Whumpers imaginable (for the love of all things unholy, make them shamelessly bad and vile)

Chains, restrains, collars, gags, muzzles, rope (etc.)—just tie that biz-nitch down!

Explicit stuff like non-con, dub-con, forced drugging, etc. Wreck that bussy.

Other Story Stuff & Random Things:

Subject X: BB217 Intro

[pastelopossum]

Look I’m very excited for sheezy.art to come out of beta next year for a lot of reasons but like…. Listen, if you’re looking for something as an artist let me tell ya about it.

Yes, you can add a page doll.

Yes, you can customize your color scheme and header.

Yes, you can upload art Tumblr won’t let you anymore, AND VIDEOS, and all the content warnings are there to help you pick from so you can’t forget!

Your profile has your pronouns on display and you can display where else people can find you! BUILT IN BUTTONS!

ALSO IT SHARES YOUR LIKES. People on Tumblr don’t know how to reblog anymore and it literally is killing smaller artists on here! Stupid Twitter made likes private because Musk was being a lil piss baby who’s kinks were being shared and people don’t “retweet” artists over the same fear anyway over there! But on Sheezy if you just like something it shares it on your page! Others can see it! That’s GOOD FOR ARTISTS YOU GUYS.

Yes, my profile is boring atm because I’m still moving over, and yes for a good Sue these aren’t like “new” ideas but like…. Pillowfort is so dead interaction wise, you can’t do adult art on Cara, itaku isn’t bad but again atm interaction is lower than this site that’s in beta and it doesn’t have a great tagging system. Bluesky has no tagging system that I’ve gotten to work…. And yeah if you draw furry art furaffinity is great but if that’s not your usual it’s not gonna get traction.

Right now this sites in beta until Jan 2025. You can try to sign up and it’ll tell you when the next opening is (admittedly it did take me a few tries) but honestly? Worth it! You can only do five uploads a day again until it’s out of beta, so I am slowly moving over there but so far I love it. It helps build the community so you don’t have to already be famous or have a big following like bluesky and cara.

Just saying, give it a shot if you’re an artist looking for somewhere to go. They don’t allow AI Art, like X and Insta, you can post your adult art, they let you promote your commissions and customize your page.

[bvannn]

Weekly Update July 28, 2023

Still a zombie from work, but trying to work on it. Trying to get better about exercise and whatnot, sleeping too. That being said I’m still doing art stuff

TRGA: this week I finished reimporting the assets for my next effects test, and have a bulk of the test animation done. I realize that one of the problems I’ve had with animation thus far is timing, though I am already improving, and will get a better sense for it when animating to audio for the final project. Even if this new effects test works, I will likely have to create and import assets for Tim and Emile’s hair, as hair is unique to each rig and requires a good number of sketchy lines. That should hopefully not be too bad, though. I might also have to throw some assets together for feet in the future, but for the current project the only one who shows their feet is Jon, so I’ll just do his, see if they work, and then try the same strategy for the others. Again, it should not be too bad, as I’ll only need top and bottom pieces for each foot, possibly only for one foot if I can get away with flipping them.

Artfight will be coming to a close soon, I have queued up the last of the e pieces I have done, and will be doing the same for the pieces I do tomorrow (and Sunday, if I do any on Sunday). I’ll also try to do an appreciation post for all the people who drew my characters, since it was surprisingly a lot! Thank you all so much!

Writing stuff is chugging along slowly, once an outline is done I’ll chop it up into pages and start thumbnailing it, rather than trying to script out specific panels or whatever. I don’t know where I’ll throw the finished comic but I’m not going to worry about it until closer to being finished.

Next month I will try to focus on music a bit more. I’ll throw together some covers of video game tracks, then if all goes well I’ll chip away at a medley I’ve been working on. I still don’t understand how uploading audio to tumblr works, since I see people do it with funny one off shitposts all the time but last time I tried to do it for myself it wanted me to make a bandcamp or Spotify or whatever account which I’d rather not do unless I’m able to produce passable quality music semi-consistently. Until then, anything I do make will go on my Newgrounds! Once I’m able to do animations or music consistently I do want to make a big push for newgrounds content, because I do think it is a really cool site, but I need to make something worth pushing first. So I’ll keep chipping away at it.

[kmrstudios]

KMR STUDIOS QUICK UPDATE

Hey guys, KR here again with a quick update on my KMR Studios Blog.

I’m sorry for the lack of new content outside of my gaming videos lately. Some things have happened in my personal life recently and I’ve been slowing trying to get back to doing more artwork & comics, but it hasn’t been easy. In fact, I’ve been working on a piece or two and thanks to a little bit of artists’ block, they’ve haven’t been turning out how I’d hope. So, please patient and I’ll hopefully get something posted soon. Again, I am sorry.

As for video content, I’ll start with an update regarding my “All-Gen Retrocade” gaming video series, which if you haven’t already, please be sure check them out. You can find my channel on Rumble in the link below. I’ve decided to give gaming videos a rest for the summer. Now the decision was made, mainly for personal reasons as I wanted to take a break and focus more on making artwork & comics, and because I’ve been making playthrough videos these past few months, it’s been taking time away from doing what I love to do. But don’t worry, I do plan to resume the series something later this year, maybe early September. I don’t know yet, I just need to focus on my other priorities right now. However, I do have the first batch of games chosen for the later half of the 2024 season. In fact, one of them was already planned to be released before the hiatus. But I’ve decided to push it back for the time being. There’s two more episodes left as of this writing, and they’re definitely some of the best one’s I’ve done. So definitely check them out once they’re released.

One more update regarding “All-Gen Retrocade”, I haven’t made a decision yet, but I may close my Odysee channel. This is due to so many issues I’ve had with the website, such as performing random tasks in order to upload a single video, which is quite frustrating. So if you’re wondering why any of my recent episodes haven’t been posted on Odysee yet, there’s your answer. But, I’m considering opening another video channel on either BitChute or Vimeo or order to reach a wider audience. I’ve been on Rumble for some time and I still haven’t gotten lots of viewers or subscribers for whatever reason. I don’t know why. I’ve been sharing my videos through social media and yet, I still get nothing. I will keep you posted throughout the coming months and be sure to follow the official “All-Gen Retrocade” page on Tumblr for future updates.

In regards to KMR Studios videos, I’m slowly getting back to making art videos and maybe doing another entry in my VLOG series, maybe showcasing some of my art books I’ve collected or showing off my studio area or whatever it may be. I have one “Watch KR Draw” episode planned and it involves a single comic book issue where you get to draw on the cover! And I can’t wait to do that one.

And I think that should do it for this update. Take care and until next time, this is KR of KMR Studios signing out.

OFFICIAL WEBSITE: https://kmrstudios.tumblr.com

ART GALLERIES

DEVIANTART: https://KMRStudios.deviantart.com

FLICKR: https://flickr.com/photos/kmr_studios/

SOCIAL MEDIA

INSTAGRAM: https://instagram.com/kmrstudios88/

GAB: https://gab.com/KMRStudios

TWITTER: https://twitter.com/KMR_Studios

MINDS: https://minds.com/KMR_Studios

VIDEO CHANNELS

MY KMR STUDIOS VIDEO CHANNEL: https://rumble.com/c/c-1720173

ALL-GEN RETROCADE GAMING CHANNEL: https://rumble.com/c/c-1720233

ALL-GEN RETROCADE OFFICIAL WEBSITE: https://allgenretrocade.tumblr.com/

[roseybombshell]

Hihii!! I would like to ask for a reading if you have time~

I’ve been thinking of taking seriously my YouTube channel (I used to upload some video two years ago but stopped cause I had so many things to think about) but I’m that type of person that overthinks so much to the point where I get sad and don’t do anything and I’m not really sure about the direction I want to have with the channel since I have a big variety of things I enjoy doing.

And I wanted to ask if you see me reaching some type of positive outcome if I starting posting videos and making content even on other platforms?

thank you!

Some things about me, I love the color blue and pink but in a pastel tone, I have a cat named Luna and my nickname is lily 💐

Hello, good day to you 👽

Yes, there's definitely a chance for success for you on this path! I am seeing that your videos seem to be aesthetically pleasing to people, something with pink, purple and especially neon lights. Maybe that's what will attract people to your channel. I am getting aesthetic in general, so perhaps your success will be based on visual content that you post, I am getting drawing, fashion, art, room decor, giving out advice, day in the life, routine videos and for some reason gaming or anything else that involves you being a part of virtual reality, internet, computer world. A path is slowly appearing, it seems, for the greater success so watch out for any opportunites that may arise during this time. New ideas may present themselves to you. I am hearing "act on it". So the most important part of this journey is to not stay stagnant and put in the work, but I am also getting the message that you need to enjoy yourself doing so, never make it a job, it will end up crashing on you and you'll not want to do any of this anymore, so it seems. Social media fame is more than achievable for you, is what I am being told. You may feel like you don't have the "IT" factor at times but your guides are assuring you that they're here for you and support you on this path. They really want you to get up and just do it, like don't measure the success and failure, go for your ideas and they'll blossom just right. You may be divinely guided to certain ideas and people that will contribute to your success. Don't overthink it all too much. Your spirit guides want you to enjoy the process and fulfill the imagination. You have what it takes, don't settle for average.

[pricked-finger]

A Silly, Little Introduction <3

About Me

I’m Vi!! Main person behind this blog!! Most, if not, all pronouns are fine with me!! (They/Them preferred)

I’ve got Inattentive Adhd! So, I’m prone to switch hyperfixations a lot!! Don’t be too alarmed if I disappear!! I’ll most likely come back at some point!!

20 y/o, listed for clarification!!

About Blog

The blog might have inconsistency with uploads, as again I hop from idea to idea. Don’t get too bummed out if I disappear! Likely, I will be back! (Blog Status Updates in Correlation to my Activity! It will be green if active, orange if on/off, and red if inactive!! My activity goes along with my fixations, so apologies if I disappear for awhile!)

A silly blog where a Phineas and Ferb fan can show off their silly drawings!!

Focuses mostly on Sue, Doofenshmirtz’s PERFECT girlfriend!! Also, I might shoehorn in my fan interpretations of the canon characters and my fan oc coughcough

I’m probably the biggest Perry the Platypus fan you’ve ever met, I hide it extremely well however,,

Big No-Nos

I honestly cannot stand Perryshmirtz. Please don’t mention it at all around here. Go into the depths of tumblr hell for that shit. I won’t attack you if you like it, but I also certainly won’t say anything good about it. So. No.

No shipping wars. I cannot fucking stand those.

Just don’t be mean ffs, this is Phineas and Ferb!! It’s a fun show!!

Important Tags

Content from the Show: Canon Content

Blog Status (edited in relation to admin activity)

Partially here and VERY queer!! (Slowly posting art to blog)

With that, welcome!! Browse safely, there be gay animals afoot!!

[wonderfulmmdpictures]

hi

(sorry if this post is super long. When not being this active, I thought it would not be appropriate just to say “hi” and leave. I talk a lot about myself btw. I’m pretty much venting)

Hello everyone! It’s been a long time! :) 

So, honestly, I wanted to make this post here to just update things about this blog and a bit about me as well. 

You can probably guess why I’m back all of the sudden. A uh... certain application was predicted to shut down soon, and as someone who uses that application as their main one, I figured that I come back here. But the issue with this blog is wether I want to continue to upload on here. 

My journey with MMD has been a super long one (10+ years) and even to this day, I feel like it’s something that I can never move on from. I think it’s just the dedication that I put into learning the program, connecting in the community and my general love for Vocaloid. But before I started “Wonderful MMD Pictures” and “Wonderful MMD Models”, and before I was even Reon/Reon046, I was an artist first (TheMangaka1234). When I discovered MMD, I didn’t think it would take over my life like it did. But it became super important to me to the point that my artist journey halted. My dA page that was for my art was taken over by my MMD art and I lost focus. This was when I was in early highschool (I also changed my name to Reon046). Again, I’ve been doing MMD for so long that, at some point, people were recognizing me. My little kid brain really liked the attention. It was the people calling me “senpai” or saying that it’s an “honor” to have followed them that was the icing on the cake. In that wave, I created these 2 blogs to showcase models and pictures that I love and want to help boost. 

Also, I’m not going to sweep this under the rug, but I also have partaken in sharing mmd model download links which were public because, again, I just wanted to share cool models that I found.  I always made sure that the way that I was sharing the links was not directly (ex. linking the dA page instead of the direct mediafire link) I made sure that the rules of the model was ok with that type of distrubution. So not only was I trying to run 2 blogs, I was uploading to my dA, like, 4 times a day, almost everyday. I’m not saying that was hard work or whatever, but because of that type of scheduling, I felt like people were expecting me to be there with a model dl everyday. Again, not hard work but I felt there was pressure. Looking back, it was defiantly taking it too seriously. I was treating it like it was a 9/5 lol. But in the midst of all this, there were some cases that people have contacted me to remove a “model dl” upload. At some point, my account got 1 strike. 

The one strike didn’t stop me from doing this, but eventually, I stopped sharing model dls and just wanted to focus on doing MMD art instead. Looking back at my dA account, it doesn’t look like I did a lot, but that’s how much those model dls took over everything. I’ve deleted all of them. I remember very slowly deleting all of them ‘cause you can only delete uploads one by one, and it took forever. Again, that’s how much I was doing it. I continued to do MMD art and still had fun, but the whole reason I started a dA account was not for MMD. I felt a sense of guilt. Like, I felt anger towards me for not working towards what I really wanted. I think the reason I kept doing MMD was the ease of it. I didn’t have to study anatomy or work on a peice for weeks to make something cool. If you’re also a depressed highschooler, being “known” in a community and the instant gratification of making content in less than a day is much more satisfying. But I wanted to do more. My ideas and concepts that I wanted to flesh out was something that MMD couldn’t do. I had to go back to doing art. 

Overtime, people that I followed started to upload less and I started to upload MMD stuff less too. I opened a brand new dA account to just focus on my art. I would upload MMD stuff here and there, but I felt like the writing was on the wall. If my peers are starting to leave, that may be my sign to leave or watch at the sidelines. Right now, I choose the latter. The most recent upload on my dA was in May of this year. As of writing this, I might make an MMD picture after I’m done lol. I just think that there is a new generation (raycast gen lol) that is taking over and I don’t have to be involved. I did my thing. (i’m in my early 20s now. My body hurts for no reason lol)

SO WHAT ABOUT THE BLOGS?!?!: To be honest, I thought that now I’m trying to use tumblr, I should start uploading here. Not regularly, but ya know, be active. But as you can see from what I have said above, I think that it is better to have these blogs as an archive. Some models, art and users no longer exist. So I think it is important to, at least, keep these blogs up

As for me, I go by Yana now! :) If you still wanna refer me as Reon still, I honestly don’t mind. I think that’s kinda cool! Im just the boring Synthesizer V concept artist now haha 

Follow me here if you want <3 

deviantART (MMD) .  deviantART (Artwork) . Instagram . Personal blog (art stuff)

I still don’t like LAT style models 

UPDATE 11/18/2022: So after I started browsing a bit on my dA page, I found out that there are still a lot of model dl posts that you can’t find in my main gallery, but still in the “more” section. Again, deleting things in mass on dA is annoying but slowly, they will start to dissapear. 

[timetravelinghk]

TTHK Comic Chapter 3: Train Trouble

Part 9

All Comic Parts

Hey there! It’s been a while hasn’t it? No matter how often I try and tell myself to be more productive and consistent, nothing will change my irregular upload schedule. I’m currently more active on Twitter, where I post more frequently and share some thoughts every now and then. So if you’d like to drop by you can just click here. If you want to know what’s going on, you can proceed down below, where I go more into detail.

Like always, a big thanks to my Beta Reader, Crow! Make sure to check ‘em out!

Since I applied to an animation and game university I’ve been under even more stress. I already did so last year but with no luck. Seeing how everyone else is achieving their goals and getting accepted is something that can really drag you down. I’m afraid to fail yet again because this is pretty much my last and only chance. It would mean the world to me to get accepted there but you can unfortunately only apply for it twice. There aren’t many universities like this where I live and the ones that are there are private schools and very expensive. Very often I do not feel worthy enough and hate my art after just a few days. It feels like nothing is good enough and no matter how hard I try I will always fail and never make it far. It’s just never good enough. I know this might be the biggest artist cliché but I wanted to let you know how I feel nonetheless. Everyone can have their down phases no matter how far you have come or how skilled you are. I know that and I don’t want to be ungrateful for what I already achieved and how many wonderful people I met. I took a ‘break’ from this project for a bit, if you could even call it that. I would never fully stop on cuntinuing this comic since I already put so much work, time and love into it. And to see that people, even after more than 2 years still enjoy this series really means a lot. Sometimes it can just hurt when you see others being way more successful than you, when they even make similar stuff you do. And it’s not even who had been first, they just have a way bigger audience. So you try to become bigger as well but it just doesn’t seem to work. I’m a very shy person who doesn’t really interact with a lot of people so befriending is also not an easy option. So you try and try but it’s so little progress you make that it feels like almost none compared to others. Slowly you loose more and more motivation, knowing from all the other times you tried it won’t make a difference and it’s just not worth all the time and work. You doubt yourself even more and become less active as a consiquence. Congrats, now you’ll find yourself in a constant downward spiral where you aren’t productive anymore but want to have as much attention as others. Everytime you try to get back to being productive you just can’t get the motivation and perseverance to keep on going. 

So yeah I took a small ‘break’, played some games and prayed for the school to accept me. All in all I’m doing okay at the moment but I’ve been better. I’m sure a lot of you can relate with that condition. I can’t tell when the next part is coming out but it will eventually. I don’t want to make any promises anymore about being more productive now or new content coming the next few days. It’s like a slow mode on this blog for now. I will probably draw some other stuff every now and then for distraction and post it on my main account but mostly on Twitter.

That’s been not all but a lot for now, thank you for still being around and supporting me! See you in a few days or 2 months!

[sleeplessintokyo87]

Lately I’ve received many messages about selling prints and pictures. I’m really flattered. I want to share some thoughts I’ve been having about this matter, and why this hasn’t happened so far. (Brace yourselves this is gonna be a long post, don’t mind me anyway if you don’t care, just look at the picture. I feel like writing today :P) At the beginning of the year I set as a goal to start some kind of online gallery to sell prints, that was intended, because again, I’ve been contacted so many times about wanting my pictures that I felt a wasted opportunity not to do it but this brings many challenges. First, Many pictures uploaded here are old, I was starting, and when I see them now I feel a little bit ashamed. My eye evolves, my skill becomes better, and whenever I see some of my old photos I feel embarrassment that I ever wanted to share that. I know it sounds dramatic, but it’s just a part of the life of any artist I believe. But this, brings many setbacks, because many of the pictures I took are “good” at heart, technically speaking, so I should go over and revisit them, but this, takes a lot of time. And I began at the beginning of the year, I set up a new site for myself http://www.zunder.tv with all of this in mind. And start treating my name a little bit more as a brand. Specially on Instagram, I had a little bit of luck, and I got a nice following base. The same you could say here on tumblr, where the algorithm has work on my favor and i was featured so many times on the radar that I can’t thank Tumblr enough. Anyway, then COVID hit, but I tried to keep on expanding, and I started a Film Podcast (It’s in spanish tho), and a Youtube Channel as well about my adventures in japan with the idea to make more content related to photography. The problem is that, probably, because Video is my main source of income, I feel so lazy about doing video at other times, I feel like I enjoy producing but I can’t stand carrying cameras, or editing anymore, I just grow really lazy. But that’s still happening slowly, my goal is to make at least 10 videos before the year is done. And I feel the pace is right for that. Coming back to photography, COVID made this year slow for everyone, as we couldn’t go outside that much, travel that much, etc. So I began working as much as I could on the new edits, and finishing old photography. That’s when my computer died, and I lost 3 months of progress. Way to go!. Anyway, going back to the print store, sorry my mand went away for a second: First I thought about buying a printer and do everything by myself but professional photo printers are SO DAMN expensive. So unless I’m selling a LOT of prints that’s not gonna happen. After this I decided I’m gonna partner / use some site to sell prints. But to be honest those like Society6/redbubble etc, while they might be good, they don’t feel like the right option for me. There’s something about their philosophy in selling, or the industrialization of art that makes me feel unconfortable. I found a nice site called Darkroom that let’s you set up a store online and sell through them, they charge a small suscription fee, or a % of your sells, but I send 1 email and contacted them through social media, and the lack of answer made me wonder if I want to partner with someone who can’t take some time to answer emails or questions.
This comes mainly from the fact that if something happens to any people who buys something from my gallery and they can’t receive service from them, I can’t trust this place. My main worry, is that whichever vendor I decide in the end, I want them to be ecological, i want them to use recicle paper, or something that ensures that me and you are not contributing in the destruction of the planet at least with art. 
Art is gonna save us all, I’m sure about that statement, and whichever way I may go, and even if I only end up selling one or two prints to friends or family, I want to know that we are working in to creating a better world together. I’m still trying to find the best place to do this, if you happen to know anyone please recommend! If you read this much, thank you! :D

[basheba]

Last year I made a pinned post about how I wasn’t going to post any more ML art because my main fandom had become AOT. I had loved MLso much for several years, but the inconsistent episode release schedule made me lose interest. But just a few months after that announcement AOT’s last manga chapter was released and it ruined so many things for me. I’m still technically “in the fandom” because I made some very good friends on Twitter on those glory months when we were still hopeful the author was going to salvage the trainwreck. I also have several arts I never posted here which I’ll slowly be uploading, so there will probably still be AOT content for awhile.

But my current fandom (and fandom is a stretch because it’s just me drawing and writing fics and two friends cheering on me) is The Bell Witch Series.

It’s kind of a funny story because a long time ago I basically added every book on Audible (yes, I know, but I love my audiobooks) with the word “Witch” in the title to my wishlist and was systematically going through each of them. And I bought the audiobook with books 1-3 bundled up. I started book 1 on August of last year and while I liked the characters, it read like a YA book and I’m not that fond of teenage protagonists anymore. But I figured “what the heck, I bought it and might as well finish it”. Book 2 picked up the pace. Book 3 solidified my need to listen to the rest of the series so I immediately bought the other 3 audiobooks and all the ebooks to have them handy for reference. And here I am several months later with over 50k words of fanfiction and tons of drawings screaming and crying into the void.

The series is not a literary masterpiece, but THE CHARACTERS. God, that post about how characters make or break a story is 100% true because at least two of them seem to have been written to my very specific, niche taste AND THEY GET TOGETHER IN CANON. That has never happened to me before and let me tell you, now I know why canon shippers are so smug and insufferable.

So yeah, now 95% of my fandom thoughts revolve around Basheba and Cadwyn.

[uwua3]

Hello! Sunflowers hold a really special meaning for me so when i read the "sunflower dreams" My heart was so happy!! I havent felt this happy in a long time since quarantine started so thank you for taking the time to write it! It really made my day. If i could request a kazunari x reader where they're both artists that would be amazing. Maybe the reader can be a famous anonymous art influencer? Its up to you! Again thank you so much for writing "sunflower dreams" 💜

i’m so happy i could make you smile ‧⁺◟( ᵒ̴̶̷̥́ ·̫ ᵒ̴̶̷̣̥̀ ) it’s messages like these that absolutely make my day! thank you so much for taking your time to even read it, i’m glad to know it touched your heart ♡ i hope you have a good rest of your day—please know all of a3! love you vvv much!!! ｀･ω･)9 i hope this makes your heart happy just like before! thank you, anon, for everything

summary: every time you fell in love, you made a new art piece

author’s note: please smile from this absolutely soft and endearing kazunari fluff! in times like these where negativity is all around us, it’s good to take a break and purposely give yourself happiness. i hope this is a light in your day and makes you experience all the goodness of love! ♡ — concept based on “to all the boys i’ve loved before”

word count: 3,389

music: i like me better – lauv

to everyone i’ve loved before.

🌻🎨 miyoshi kazunari

you created art every time you had a crush so intense, you didn’t know what else to do

no matter how big or small it was, or how long or short it lasted, love is love. even if it was a random stranger you’d never see again or someone you knew for a lifetime, love is love

therefore, there was no exact total. because even if you didn’t remember every single person you’ve made art for, you clearly remembered what it was like experiencing the euphoria of love. the phenomenon of your heart selflessly beating for someone else. the attack of getting hit by cupid’s arrow out of no where. the rush of emotions unlike any other

love was everywhere and you made sure to create something that was a memory of it. that was when you decided to practice art after being unable to recall a person’s face a moment too long

it was your form of a love letter. a picture spoke a thousand words you couldn’t write, and art was the perfect way to convey that. online for everyone to see were your love letters in art form: portraits of everyone you’ve loved

you fell in love again and again, a new art piece posted soon over the years of your life. under the username, to-everyone-ive-loved, a lifelong project was in the works for all of social media to see

unknown to the rest of the world, you were the artist behind the blog “to-everyone-ive-loved” who created portraits from memory

but, you didn’t mean to fall in love with another artist as well

all it took was one comment and you were theirs

it was one of your most recent posts, a finished piece on a stranger you saw. you found yourself in veludo way, the ideal street to find people you’d never forget. after witnessing a sudden street act, only one actor caught your eye that day

you didn’t know his name, but you didn’t need to. you were in love

you immediately rushed home without a second thought, the inspiration and creativity infectious after watching him perform. something about his energy was wildly entertaining and bizarre, like a modern pop song as a person. he was effortlessly trendy, popular, and charismatic just from the few minutes you saw him

the moment he stood up on that street corner like it was a stage, all eyes were on him and he knew it. as you sketched into the day, you remembered the small details clearly. dirty blonde hair with no dark roots in sight, glittering green eyes, wide welcoming smile. he had the face of an actor, that’s for sure

when you posted it right after finishing, you didn’t expect any major attention. on average, your posts got 100 likes or so. while it was an impressive feat, nothing could’ve prepared you for that one comment

kaz-PIKO: i’m in love with your art ♡

as your popularity and fame grew before your very eyes, you clicked on his profile and realized it was him. the actor you had seen earlier at veludo way

you didn’t know what happened, but all you knew was you couldn’t forget this one person, miyoshi kazunari, no matter how hard you tried

no matter where you went, you couldn’t draw anyone else except that boy named kazunari. after scrolling through his entire instablam account, you found out he was an actor for mankai company’s summer troupe. he was a star in his own right, with a stage presence like the spotlight was constantly on him and a heart of gold

this was the first time you ever got so caught up on someone that they didn’t leave your mind. hours became days, and days began becoming a week before you let yourself follow him back

everyone you had ever drawn had never recognized themselves before. it was all because a follower connected the visual similarities between your art and kazunari’s unique traits that kazunari knew you had seen him before

if only he wasn’t a social media influencer with followers reaching the hundreds of thousands. at least, his popularity attracted attention to your profile...

this was a problem, however. because if you couldn’t draw anyone else, what could you do? once again, you stalked kazunari’s blog once again like it was a habit

it was never really a rule to make one love letter per person, but you never had wanted to make another for the same person. until, now

video after video. picture after picture. story after story. you could see kazunari’s face even when you closed your eyes. what about him made you daydream about him constantly? was it his charming voice that could make anyone stop and stare? his intricate piercings that were different every day? his ability to make you feel at home? whatever it was (or maybe it was an accumulation of everything and more), you had to draw kazunari again

when you posted it, you typically didn’t add more to the caption than the date and time. except this time, you felt like all your rules were being broken over someone who had no idea who you were

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 A.M.) — social butterfly

you watched it upload. it was a piece you had never done before. glowing butterflies of all colors surrounded the center of the masterpiece, a smiling kazunari

hopefully, this would solve whatever feelings you were having and the world would go back to normal. you’d move on, fall in love with someone else, and repeat

it didn’t work, because some time later, you woke up to a comment that made you feel the butterflies in your stomach

kaz-PIKO: like a butterfly, i’ll fly to you, wherever you are~ ☆

and for some reason, you wanted kazunari to find you

you had never felt so motivated to draw before. however, your muse was the same. a beautiful boy named miyoshi kazunari who was slowly capturing your heart without even knowing it. you watched the pages in your sketchbook lessen and lessen. the corners of assignments and napkins and anything in between was covered in doodles. if there was a writing instrument in your hand, something related to kazunari would come out of it

it was a fascination. a fixiation, even. you had only seen one performance before falling in love. was it because kazunari responded that it made you feel like you had a chance?

you wouldn’t admit it, but it was becoming embarrassing with how much you were staring at the few unread messages from kazunari in your dm box. they came in right after you had followed him back, and more arrived when you posted the “social butterfly” piece

what was stopping you from talking to your muse? you knew the answer without thinking: what if these feelings were real?

obsessions and crushes come and go, but... love, love stayed. there wasn’t any possibility you could love someone from afar without knowing anything about them, right?

but, then again... you did know some things about kazunari. you knew kazunari was the best actor of all time, with expressions and gestures the equivalent of art. kazunari was art—in every single way possible. everything about him made you want to draw and draw and draw

you only drew kazunari for a certain time, no matter which stranger crossed your path. people you knew you would’ve sketched simply became passer-bys, and it was all because of kazunari’s sunny smile that you were in love. or, what you thought was love

the more you thought about kazunari’s unread dms, the more you wondered what this was. why did kazunari make you so happy? was this truly the first time you were experiencing... a crush?!

for the first time since that street act, you found yourself in veludo way. while half of you was hoping you’d randomly bump into summer troupe’s moodmaker, the other half was petrified about how kazunari was a real person. a very much popular, recognizable person

it was the weekend, and the burden of university projects was telling you to go back and focus. yet, with a sketchbook in one hand and a pencil tucked behind your ear, you were very much prepared to draw to your heart’s content

as you tried to flip to a clean page, you heard something that made your heart flutter. despite the noise and busy atmosphere of veludo, a distinct laugh was audible above the crowd. when you looked up, your eyes barely registered a deep blue jacket before walking straight into the person

you nearly tumbled to the ground before two hands steadied you, a surprised “whoa!” leaving their mouth before being followed by a gentle laugh. the usual embarrassment didn’t set in until you went to go thank the person, only to stop

oh my god. you had just bumped into miyoshi kazunari, your muse for the past month or so

kazunari grinned, even though it faltered slightly at your wide-eyed expression and awkward silence. he didn’t seem to mind as he adjusted his black top hat, pocketing his phone and confidently meeting your gaze

“i’m so sorry~! i hope you’re okay, i’m kazunari!” kazunari introduced and you realized he didn’t know you were behind to-everyone-ive-loved-before. you quickly adjusted yourself, pretending as if this wasn’t the highlight of your entire week

when you introduced yourself, kazunari’s eyes sparkled with interest as he easily led you into conversation. despite being a bit of a socially awkward artist who preferred being alone over anything else, kazunari was... comfortable. you didn’t feel self-conscious of how you acted, because he readily accepted how you were with a smile

was he like this was everyone or... did he find you to be a work of art, too?

standing off to the side, you finally noticed several members of mankai were advertising their latest play. bright, aesthetically pleasing flyers were being handed out to everyone walking by, and you seemed to look a moment too long before kazunari followed your gaze and suddenly snapped his fingers

“oh! are you interested in theatre?” you really weren’t, but you nodded anyways just to see kazunari’s excitement. he pardoned himself for a moment just to snatch a flyer, returning to show it off with a proud smile

“please come to mankai company’s summer performance!” kazunari’s smile sparkled and before he looked around to see if anyone was watching, he winked. kazunari covered the side of his face that was facing his troupe members, pretending as if you two were sharing some big secret

“plus, i’ll be there. if you come, i’ll make sure to do my very best~” kazunari bargained, even though you already knew he was already planning on wowing the audience with his charisma. you took in his genuine want to impress you and the butterflies came back

“i’ll come.” you agreed without even checking the date or reading anything. now all of you just wanted more & more opportunities as the person kazunari was surprisingly interested in, not as the artist who was basically in love with him

agreeing right away was worth it when kazunari shot you a grateful, blinding smile in return. you stumbled over your words with how taken back you were, but asked anyways, “do you like flowers?”

kazunari’s eyes softened for a moment, his usual energy suddenly gone before returning. he seemed genuinely moved by your question, and you wondered how many flowers it’d take to see him smile again like that

“i do, especially if they’re from you.”

“what kind?”

someone called kazunari’s name, insisting they were going to be late for practice. kazunari shouted back an agreement by telling them to go ahead first, before putting all his attention on you once again

“hibiscus.” meaning delicate beauty

before kazunari could ask for your socials, with his hand already reaching for his phone, you cut him off, hoping your voice wasn’t off

“next week. 7 P.M., mankai theatre. i’ll be there, front row.” you promised and took off, rushing off with a wave as kazunari stared after you for a second before waving back enthusiastically

as you left, kazunari was about to leave before he noticed something on the ground. it was a plain sketchbook, unassuming at first but it was nearly bursting at the binding with how many pages there were

when kazunari picked it up, he was about to flip to the first page before mankai called his name again, impatient this time. kazunari held onto the book and sent one last glance towards your direction before disappearing, hurrying to make sure the director wouldn’t penalize him for being the reason everyone was late

when you arrived home, you instinctually reached for the pencil behind your ear. at the same time, you put your hand in your bag, attempting to feel the familiar edges of your sketchbook

then, after turning your bag inside out and finding nothing, you collapsed onto your desk chair with shock and disbelief

you lost your sketchbook in veludo way the moment you met kazunari. what if he had it?

you drew another piece and stared at your screen, wondering if you should post it. it was kazunari once again with a yellow hibiscus flower behind his ear, the same gentle smile you couldn’t perfectly capture gracing his lips

you typed the caption and backspaced before settling on something that only you and him would know

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (8:01 P.M.) — delicate beauty

you hesitated before deleting the post a second after. maybe, you’d keep some artwork to yourself

kazunari had the sketchbook open next to his bedside, his phone in his hands and your profile open. he could recognize your art style a mile away, and the moment he saw the first sketch after practice, he couldn’t believe it

did this explain why he felt such a natural attraction to you? when you bumped into him, kazunari swore he could see the sparks flying. you made him feel like he was falling in love and you only proved him right when you two talked earlier. he wanted to know everything about you, he wanted to see you again

was this what love at first sight felt like? kazunari giddily typed a message over and over again, the unread messages of his filling his screen

kaz-PIKO: heya!! ★>d(,,･ε´-,,)⌒☆ just wanted to say i LOVE your art fr!!! we should totes collab, you know???

kaz-PIKO: thanks for drawing me btw :0 does this mean you live near veludo? let’s meet up!!!

kaz-PIKO: ,,, i don’t usually say this but, that social butterfly piece was breathtaking. you must really like me, huh? (･ω<)☆ jk haha

kaz-PIKO: no but really, it’s beautiful. thank you, honestly. it made my day, you make me happy ♡

kaz-PIKO: you must be really beautiful, too. i would want to draw you as well. lmk if ur up for that haha

kazunari read back his previous messages, all of them delivered but unopened. he realized how... how open he already was with the anonymous faceless artist, despite never interacting with them

now that he knew what you looked like, it only reassured his intuition that he was rightfully head over heels for you

kazunari typed something before deleting it, closing out of instablam and throwing his phone somewhere on his bed

kaz-PIKO: i was right, you are beautiful. i may have fallen in love, too

some things were better left unsaid. after all, you two had until next week to figure everything out

for the rest of the week, all you and kazunari did were think about the other person. a small part of you was afraid kazunari wasn’t the dream boy you imagined, but he was much more. you noticed he started posting more often and turned his notifications, wanting to be one of the first to see his practice videos and university selfies

you didn’t post any of the art you made of kazunari, making it the longest you hadn’t posted ever. kazunari couldn’t help but refresh your account every now and then, hoping he’d see his face again, as selfish as it was. kazunari wouldn’t know how’d he feel if he saw someone else had your heart

the longer time went on, the more you were certain. every fascination you had with someone was temporary, and you remembered the feeling rather than the person. but, with kazunari, you liked him for who he was. everything kazunari made you feel was new and exciting, but even when that went away, you still liked him

kazunari was your first crush, for real

kazunari liked making people like him. so, your online confession through art wasn’t exactly a surprise. but, yours was different. it was earnest, honest, and everything he didn’t know he was needing

kazunari looked through your sketchbook again and again, tracing over the notes you wrote in the margins and admiring your skill

kazunari liked you, and he was certain he would’ve still liked you even if you weren’t to-everyone-ive-loved-before

when showtime arrived, kazunari was oddly nervous. peeking from behind the red curtain, kazunari could already see you were one of the first sitting front row, just like you said. he had practiced his lines a thousand times and summer was fully prepared, why was he nervous?

before he went on, kazunari ignored the urgency of the mankai staff and quickly texted a message to your profile, hoping you’d at least see the notification this time

kaz-PIKO: i like you, too

(when you felt your phone buzz, you quickly silenced it)

the show moved you to a standing ovation, just like everyone else in the audience. as summer walked out to bow and express their gratitude, you watched kazunari’s eyes search for yours as he tilted his head towards backstage. you nodded, knowing you’d do anything to see this kazunari. actor kazunari, who was on cloud 9 with his performance and glowing from praise

you wanted to see, to experience, to draw, all versions of kazunari

after the applause, you looked around backstage before feeling a hand on your arm, the feeling reminiscent of the first time you bumped into kazunari

“you came.” kazunari breathlessly stated, as if he was surprised. before he could say anything else, you presented him with a bouquet of hibiscus flowers. the same shade of yellow you drew him with

“of course, i wanted to see you again.” you honestly admitted, knowing it made you flustered. kazunari carefully took the flowers before grinning, gently placing then beneath his chin. he looked like a vision, you wish you could’ve asked him to stand still so you could capture this moment forever

“i wanted to see you, too.” kazunari softly said, all the energy of being on stage gone. it was tranquil and peaceful, like you two were the only people in the entire theatre

kazunari took a moment to admire you before realizing something, taking something from behind him and presenting it to you. it was your sketchbook on the bottom, but a smaller version was on top of it, signed in silver sharpie. kazunari’s signature was glittering like his eyes as you took it

“next time, let’s draw together.”

kazunari’s sketchbook was filled with you. anything from small doodles to encouraging messages was found inside, with tens of post-it notes of just thoughts about you. kazunari’s art was colorful and extremely out of the box compared to his usual traditional style. it made you smile

kazunari watched you flip through it, already knowing this was the greatest act of love he could’ve declared this early on. he anticipated for you to reach the end

when you landed on the last page, you saw a note

do you want go on a date with me?

“next time, respond to my dms! that way i don’t have to write everything~!” kazunari teased and you two shared a laugh, knowing everything was going to be okay

“yes.”

“yes...?”

“yes, i’ll respond to your dms. and yes, i’ll go on a date with you.”

eventually, you ended up closing your blog for good. your last post was a picture of you and kazunari, with one caption

to-everyone-ive-loved-before: XX/XX/20 (3:33 P.M.) — to the one boy i love now, i love you

kaz-PIKO: i love you, too ♡

[whereisten]

Valentine Boy

(MOBILE-FRIENDLY VERS.)

Prologue | Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3.1 | Part 3.2 | Part 3.3 | more coming soon

Special Cover Art by @nakayutasama ❤️

Summary:

You’ve been dating College Student!Jaehyun for a few months now. He’s unbelievably sweet, smart, oh..and very handsome. Best of all, he gives you the best love you’ve ever had. He’s the love of your life and you can’t see anything going wrong as your relationship sails smoothly..that is..until you discover his biggest secret. He’s been hiding the fact that he’s a camboy and you start to wonder..Is Jaehyun as sweet and honest as you think he is?

Pairing: female reader X college student and camboy!Jaehyun

Genre: Angst, Smut, Fluff

Warnings: cursing, cheating, cam boy (video-recorded sex with online audience), deception, manipulation, blackmail, alcohol use, descriptive smut (fingering, overstimulation, face riding, dirty talk, BDSM themes (handcuff usage, spanking), drunk sex, oral sex (m&f receiving), some masturbation, rough sex, vaginal penetration, breast fondling, dry humping, semi-public sex).

(A/N): I received a message saying that Part 3 was difficult to read on mobile, the app would glitch and eventually close (because we love tumblr for being efficient). So I am splitting part 3 into 3 equal parts of about 7K words each for easier reading. Thank you all again for supporting this fic!!!!🥺❤️

—————

[The Night before Spring Break]

“Do we have enough content for a week or so? I’ll be gone with my girl to Bali. I trust that you’ll upload everything on time.” Jaehyun fixes his shirt over his head while his back is faced to Reina. He doesn’t see her eyes roll in annoyance.

They’ve just recorded new clips to post during spring break for when Jaehyun goes on vacation with you.

“Yes, I will take care of it…but I have a surprise for you..” She fixes her smudged lipstick.

Jaehyun turns to her carefully, his hand already on his backpack. “You know I don’t like surprises.” He says lowly.

“Oh, Valentine Boy, don’t look at me like that..especially not while I clean your cum from my legs.”

Jaehyun glares then gets up from the couch and heads for the door.

“Anyway..I’ll be seeing you in Bali.”

He freezes in his tracks. “What did you just say?”

She gets up and walks over to him, a sly smile creeping across her face as she swings her hips.

“I thought I deserved a break too. I should treat myself to a fun vacation, right? And what better place to visit than Bali!” Her eyes open wide.

Jaehyun drops his bag and grabs her wrist, he spins her around so her back hits the door.

He towers over her with dark eyes and a menacing look. He looked as if he would tear her apart in three seconds if she were to utter one more word. But Reina is only turned on by his swift movements and harsh grip.

“Ah!” She hisses. “I love it when you’re rough with me..but are you sure you can go another round?”

“You’d be crazy to come to Bali! But if you do, I don’t want to see you, I don’t want to hear you, I don’t even want to smell your cheap perfume anywhere near me and my girl!”

Jaehyun says through gritted teeth.

“Oh, Jaehyun..a few minutes ago, you were dying to be in me..”

“It’s called acting!”

Reina chuckles, then leans in close to whisper in his ear.. “I can control my desires…can you? Will she be good enough? Can she satisfy your hunger?”

Jaehyun steps back, his mouth falling open into a gasp. “She’s more than enough..don’t you ever talk about her like that. You’re letting this gig get into your head if you think you could ever replace her. Move.”

Reina only grins and steps to the side. “I’ll see you in Bali, Valentine Boy.”

“For your sake, I hope we don’t run into each other. Don’t forget who I really love, Reina. You’re just my..Hmm how do you say it? Coworker.”

He brushes past her and opens the door to let himself out.

————

[The First Day in Bali]

“Oh my God! Look at this room!!” You say with excitement. Your eyes widen at the sight of the gorgeous room overlooking the beach in Bali. There’s a main living room with a U-Shaped white couch and a huge TV Screen.

The kitchen was big also, filled with brand new and stainless steel appliances.

“Oooo!! This is so cool!” You drop your bags and run off to the bedroom.

Jaehyun laughs as he follows in behind you and watches you prance around.

You push onto the wooden sliding doors, they open to reveal a California king sized bed. It looked like a heavenly cloud and you couldn’t wait to be in it with the one you loved the most.

The best part about it all was you had the entire villa to yourselves. You could go out onto the patio and enjoy the serene environment that surrounded you. You could just imagine the wonderful moments you’d have with Jaehyun during the sunsets. The sun shining onto his peachy skin and bringing out his more handsome features like his eyes and soft lips.

You gasp, then turn to him. “This..this is beautiful Jaehyun. It must’ve cost a fortune.”

Jaehyun shakes his head. “Remember what I told you..no talk about expenses, okay?”

He stands over you, wrapping his arms around your body to pull you into him more. He looks down into your wide eyes, brimming with tears.

“What’s wrong?”

“Do you think I’m worth all this, Jaehyun? I don’t know…you work so hard..and to spend it all on me.. I just.” You shake your head and break the intense eye contact he held.

Money was something you always struggled with. Your mom did the best she could to provide for you since you were young, so you always tried to spend wisely and appreciate every dollar. Your family never had disposable income to take trips around the world or even to Disneyland. You’re only able to attend college because of scholarships and loans.

So for someone to spend money on you just to give you a vacation to enjoy, you found it difficult to accept. It was all so new to you.

“Hey.” Jaehyun takes your chin in his hand and tilts your head back to face him.

“You’re worth all this and more. I love you..so much. Please never doubt that.”

He leans down to place a delicate kiss on your lips. Your arms circle around his waist as you hug him and tip toe to get another kiss.

“Thank you.” You whisper.

He kisses you deeper now, taking your tongue into his mouth as his head turns. Your eyes close as you enjoy this moment with Jaehyun. The two of you standing at the foot of the large bed in the wonderful room. Your hair swaying gently with the breeze coming through the open doors leading to the patio and pool.

When you pull away to breathe, you open your eyes and look into Jaehyun’s before biting your lips.

“What time is dinner?” You ask quietly.

Jaehyun smirks. He already knows what you’re up to from your lustful tone. “Well…we have reservations for 6…which is 45 minutes from now..”

You run your fingers up the back of his neck slowly then massage his scalp. “Hmmm..the sun’s getting real low..Can you…push it to 7? That way..we can enjoy the sunset.”

Jaehyun bites his lips. “It’s really difficult to get reservations at this restaurant, babe.”

Your other hand traces over his bulge and palms it as you still look into his eyes.

Jaehyun clears his throat. “But I’m sure I can pull some strings.”

You wink. “Good.”

You take his hand and lead him to the patio where there are several lounge chairs. You then push his chest lightly, making him fall into one.

You crawl over him and lean over his lap. He watches you below him while getting turned on by the lustful look in your eyes.

He takes in a sharp breath, watching as you take the waistband of his sweatpants in your teeth and drag it down slowly, his somewhat-hard cock springing up.

You lick over it slowly from the base to the tip, your eyes locked with his as the taste of his salt skin awakens your senses.

Your tongue dips in between the small slit at the top, collecting a tiny bit of precum in the process. Jaehyun watches your beautiful lips on him as your ass sticks up in the air. The breeze from the ocean feels harsh now that you are outside. It blows so hard that your dress flips up and exposes your ass cheeks, only your opening is covered by a g-string.

You continue to lay light, teasing kitten licks along his length while cupping your hand around the base and moving it up and down steadily.

“I’ve wanted to do this since we got on the plane, babe.” You say before running your tongue up his shaft.

Jaehyun is fully hard now, his lips red from him biting them as he watches you work.

“Fuck, baby, I wanted to take you in the bathroom, too. But this is so much better.”

You smile then sit up straight.

Jaehyun frowns and reaches out for you. “No..keep going..pl-“

“Don’t worry, baby, I just want to get this out of the way.” You zip your dress down and throw it to the side. You lean down to Jaehyun again but he stops you.

“But baby, that bra must be so uncomfortable..” He smirks.

You chuckle then take your bra off as well. Now you leaned over Jaehyun in just your thin underwear.

Jaehyun is even more turned on now that he’s seen your entire body dazzling in the rusty sunlight, your hair blowing in the wind and your body above his as your chest heaves.

You take his length into your mouth completely. Hollowing your cheeks so that he feels the soft surface of your mouth.

Jaehyun groans and leans his head back. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful.”

You roll your tongue across every vein as your hand strokes the base that you can’t reach with your mouth. You enjoy the sounds he makes but you want more.

You take your mouth off of him, letting a stream of spit fall from it.

Jaehyun looks down and grunts.

You wipe your chin. “Shouldn’t you be making a call?”

Jaehyun tilts his head questioningly.

You raise an eyebrow.

A short moment passes but then Jaehyun falls out of his dazed feeling and remembers. “I’ll call them right now!”

He reaches over for his phone on a glass coffee table beside the chair and dials the restaurant. But you resume what you were doing, this time, taking in his entire length and gagging.

Jaehyun flinches at the sudden feeling. “Oh fuuuuu— HELLO! Yes.. I’m-I’m Jaehyun.. and..”

He struggles to speak while he watches you suck and feels your tongue across his aching cock.

You can feel your sensitive area become wet as your legs shake. You then take his other ball into your mouth and cover it in spit.

“Sir?” The person on the other line speaks.

Jaehyun holds back a groan. “Ah! Yes! I’m so sorry, I uh, I have a reservation for two and I want to change it to 7 instead. C-can you do that for me?”

“Do what, daddy?” You mouth.

He smiles and bites his bottom lip to hold back another grunt as he thrusts into your mouth.

You hold his hip down and shake your head as you stroke his cock. You then lick his neglected balls slowly before taking one into your mouth completely.

“Oh sh-“ He closes his eyes tightly, leaning back into the chair as he holds himself back.

“Sir..we usually don’t make last minute changes, but fortunately we do have a spot open for 7.”

The person awaits his response, but Jaehyun is too captivated by your mouth. Your tongue is working magic on him as you swallow him completely and gag.

“Sir?”

You suck harder and move faster, releasing your hold on his hip so he can fuck into your mouth now. He whimpers quietly while moving the phone away from his ear with his other hand. You breathe through your nostrils as you feel him hit the back of your throat.

He’s about to cum but..

“Sir?!” The person tries to get his attention again.

You chuckle, sending vibrations through his sensitive member.

“Yes! Ah! God, yes!” He yells into the phone as he releases into your mouth, coating the back of your throat with strings of cum.

“…We’ll see you then.” The person states then hangs up.

Jaehyun drops his phone, not caring where it falls, but moaning loudly now that he can be as vocal as he wants.

He runs his hand through your scalp as he thrusts into you slowly to get every bit out and into you. “Fuck..you naughty girl.”

When his grip loosens, you lift your head and let his essence cover your chin. “What did I do?” You ask innocently while wiping your mouth. You then shrug your shoulders.

He chuckles. “You’re gonna regret that, sweetheart, come here.” He makes a motion with his finger. He looks dangerously handsome, a strand of his hair falling into his forehead after he climaxed.

You crawl over him, but stop. “Where do you want me, baby?”

He wipes your chin for you and smiles widely. “I know you’re dripping…should I help you out with that, sweetheart?”

Your legs tighten just from the sound of his gravelly voice calling you ‘sweetheart’. You nod.

“Stand up for me, baby.”

You do as he says and watch as he slides down so that his body now rests at one level rather than being lifted at the neck up.

“Sit on my face, right now..I can’t wait to taste you.”

Your eyes widen. “A-Are you sure?”

Jaehyun smiles and licks his lips. “Get on me..now.” He says with a deeper voice.

You quickly stand over him and lower yourself slowly, kneeling into the chair.. Jaehyun takes the waistband of your underwear in his hands and rips it off of you.

“Hey!” You let out but he slaps your ass.

“It was in the way.” He gives a sly smile.

With a reassuring nod from him, you rest your bare pussy onto his open mouth, but not without flinching from the feeling of something being against it finally.

“Mmmmm..” Jaehyun hums then licks up and down your opening.

You move back and forth, slowly grinding against his soft lips and flattened tongue. Your breathing becomes shallow as he passes it over in between your folds slowly, pressing against your sweet spot gently.

You naturally raise your hands up to your breasts and massage them as you watch Jaehyun below you. You moan as a shaky breath leaves your wet lips.

He just has to touch you so he places his hands on your waist. He pulls you down onto him more while flicking the tip of his tongue onto your bud.

You let out a whimper, moving faster as Jaehyun pushes into your opening with his tongue. He pushes in as deep as he can while watching you move above him. He enjoys watching you like this with the sky above the both of you, painted in colors of blue, orange and pink.

It didn’t feel real, it felt like he was looking at a painting. Your perfect breasts move while you grasp them harder and let your fingers rub against the hard nipples.

Your hair is still blowing in the wind and your mouth opens while your moans get louder.

You grind onto him harder. “Are you sure you’re okay? Fuck..this feels so good.”

Jaehyun nods.

His hands lower from your waist down to your ass cheeks. He spreads them apart so his tongue can explore every inch of you, sticking the tip of his tongue on your slit before flicking it from side to side. He buries his nose onto your clit to provide the perfect stimulation.

“Jaehyun!” You cry out and move your hips faster.

He feels himself become hard again as he feels your round ass in his hands and listens to your wonderful sounds.

“I’m-.” You convulse over him and shake.

Jaehyun watches as you writhe, your entire body becoming covered in goose pimples and your jaw clenching as your head falls back.

He continues to massage your clit with his unforgiving tongue. Your eyes shut tightly while you orgasm for what feels like a century.

When you finally start to come down, Jaehyun releases his hold and takes your waist in his hands again. He quickly flips you over so that you’re on your back now. He throws his shirt off and kneels over you as your legs fall over his shoulders.

“I love you..” He says before pushing into you slowly.

You take his head in your hands and kiss him, licking off your essence from his mouth as he enters you completely.

He pushes deep inside you, running against your wet and sensitive walls as you whimper into his mouth.

One hand massages his scalp again while the other presses onto his back.

Jaehyun kisses you harder and harder each time, he takes your bottom lip into his mouth before licking over it.

“I love you too, baby.” You whisper once you pull away to breathe.

His chest presses against your breasts. Your heartbeats run at the same pace, his breath dances on your chin as his speed increases.

He glides in and out easily, your bud being stimulated easily by his quick movements. But he goes so deep, you begin to widen your legs more for comfort.

He pushes into you harder, pressing you into the chair and you’re sure there will be a lasting impression of your body based on how hard he’s pushing.

“Baby, you’re so wet.” He leans into your ear and whispers while gripping the crook of your knees. He watches you below him, your brows furrow and your lips red from you biting them. Your eyes are wide and brimming with tears as he fucks into you deep and keeps your legs by your head.

You look down to see his hips slap against your ass cheeks rapidly. His abs and biceps flex with every movement. And you think to yourself, how hot he is.

“Shit.” You orgasm again just from the sight of the beautiful man above you.

Jaehyun’s movement stutters. His cock being greeted by your convulsing wet pussy is enough to make him cum, but he pulls out quickly.

“Open, sweetheart.”

You open your mouth and look up with low eyes as he releases onto your tongue and chin.

“F-fuck.” He curses from the sight of your position, your legs by your head and your chest rising up and down as you catch your breath.

You lick all of it up and swallow.

“Oh, you nasty girl. Let’s get cleaned up.” He picks you up from the couch and holds you in his arms bridal style.

————

[Third Day In Bali]

After snorkeling a few times and enjoying a walk through multicolored flower fields, you and Jaehyun decide to take a cooking class together. You both needed to work on your skills, so what better way to learn than to learn from each other’s mistakes.

“Hello! Welcome to Laplapan Village! Today, we will be making Sambal. We will start off by taking a walk through the market behind us and buying the spices necessary for our dish!” Your tour guide states enthusiastically to your group of about 10 couples.

Jaehyun turns to you and gives you a wide smile. “Are you ready?” His eyes shine brightly in the sun, his skin shimmering with small balls of sweat. He smells like fresh sea and sage, but he looked like a prince. He had already gained a slight tan during your stay. Your eyes travel down his thick neck and to his exposed collar bone. Luckily, all the places you marked the night before were still being covered by his linen button up.

You nod and smile back. “Of course.”

He takes your hand and leads you in front of him. The two of you walk through the market and gaze at the vibrant colors, the smell of unique spices fill your noses. Everything is so bright and beautiful. People smile as you pass by their stores.

The tour guide had given you a list of spices to buy, so now it was up to the two of you to find them. Sounds easy right? Well, with no comprehension of the language and no cell phone service to simply Google the names, you were left to ask the owners of various shops if they had certain spices. Some gave you weird faces while some were very helpful.

Jaehyun laughs at your awkwardness. You hit him lightly on the arm and roll your eyes.

As you walk in front of him, he watches the way your body sways in your sundress, your curves perfectly accentuated yet the flowiness of the dress left much to the imagination…that is, to everyone but him. He knows exactly how your body looks underneath, he knows that your thighs and gorgeous skin were littered with his love bites, and that your waist has small bruises left from his fingertips.

He bites his lips as he thinks about the night before as well. But then he smells your hair, it is a refreshing scent. He loves to bury his face in it just to smell that scent. He loved placing his chin on your head as you laid on his chest and fell asleep. But most of all, he loved moments like this: you holding his hand as you guide him through crowds, you turning to him with the prettiest smile on your face and your beautiful, captivating eyes.

“Ah! Here it is, Jae!” You squeeze his hand gently once you find the right peppers.

“Ooo!! Yup those look spicy as f-“ Jaehyun’s face twists as he lifts it to his nose.

“We’ll take it, thank you!” You speak over Jaehyun before he continues and hands the store owner the money to pay.

The rest of the day went by smoothly, you enjoyed cooking together. Luckily, you had aprons for when things got messy. The two of you were probably the most childish during the lesson. You laughed at everything and stared at each other.

Jaehyun tried to blame you for making the dish too spicy.

“Maybe if you weren’t busy staring at my ass in this dress, you would’ve measured the peppers correctly.” You whisper into his ear as the two of you eat with the other couples.

Jaehyun only smirks and turns to you slightly. A twinkle in his eye catches your attention.

He places his large hand on your thighs and squeezes them. You flinch and almost hit your knee against the table.

Jaehyun stuffs his mouth, chewing as he turns back to watch you.

You lick your lips as he pushes his fingers up towards the apex of your legs slowly. You gulp and look down as his long fingers caress your thigh and send goosebumps up your neck.

Jaehyun chuckles quietly then leans closer to your ear. “Be careful, sweetheart.. I’ve been dying to rip that dress off of you all day.”

You look around at the other couples. None of them seemed to notice that he was carefully pushing his fingers against your dress, pressing ever so lightly to apply pressure to your sensitive area.

You try to scoot away from him, but he grabs your thigh and pulls you back to where you were.

“Hmm now why would you do that? Are you running away from me? Your boyfriend? Tsk tsk..”

He pushes two fingers against you again but with more force this time while he takes a scoop of rice up and holds it in front of your face.

“Open for daddy.”

You open your mouth. Jaehyun places the fork in your mouth and drags it out slowly.

He watches as you struggle to chew while he runs circles onto your aching slits.

“Open….” he whispers huskily. Your mouth falls open as you give him a questioning look.

“Jae..we can’t..”

Jaehyun smirks then leans into your ear again. “Open your legs or I’ll fuck you right here and show them how much of a slut you are..no one knows you’re not wearing underwear right now. Do you want them to find out?”

You gulp. Your eyes widen at Jaehyun’s sudden shift. He very rarely spoke dirty to you, but you had to admit you liked it. You are thankful to be sitting, your legs becoming weak as a growing and unignorable wetness starts to build below you.

You do as he says while moving down more so your lap is completely under the table.

He continues to tap your slit and move his harsh fingertips up and down slowly, teasingly.

“What are you..doing?” You ask through a shaky breath.

Jaehyun smiles. “I’m playing with my food.”

“Jaehyun..that isn’t fair..” Your stomach starts to feel uneasy. You can feel that need for release growing.

“I’m so hard right now..just thinking about slamming you down onto this table. Fucking you from behind while all these people watch. It’s been a while since I’ve been rough with you, hasn’t it?” He takes a deep breath. “I miss watching you cry when I choke you.”

You open your legs a little more and place your fork down. You shift in your seat slightly, grinding onto his fingers now to feel more, more friction, more of him, more of anything that will just get you to cum.

But he pulls his fingers away and places his hand on the table.

“Do you miss it, baby? You have to show me you deserve it.”

You pout. “Of course, I love it! Please..just touch me again.”

“At the dinner table? Oh naughty girl, that’s just not right. Who would do such a thing?” He winks then takes another bite of his food.

You curse quietly and shake your head, glancing away from his beautiful fingers that were bringing you to paradise just moments ago.

That night, you and Jaehyun went to see a movie on the beach. You cuddled up to each other and enjoyed your warmth. He would look over at your cute face every now and then and grin to himself. He knew he was lucky to have you.

But when you got back to the villa, Jaehyun didn’t pick up where he left off. No matter how much you begged.

“Please!! Jaehyun…I want you so badly.” You practically cling onto his arm as he changed into his night clothes.

“Hmmm I’d say we’ve been fucking a lot..almost too much on this trip.. can’t you last just one night without it?”  

You look up at him with big eyes as he brushes his teeth. “But you got me so wound up at dinner. Ugh!”

Jaehyun only laughs as he watches you through the bathroom mirror. You stomp off to the room and take your dress off.

“Why would you start something you’re not gonna finish?! Ughhh! You’re so unfair! I’m never sucking your dick again for this!”

Approaching you, Jaehyun laughs so hard he nearly chokes on his spit. “I love when you’re bratty.”

“Pleaseee Jae….” You crawl over him and onto the bed while begging one final time.

He suddenly brings you to his chest and holds you tight in a comfortable bear hug.

“Yes, just like this, baby..this is how I want us to be tonight..” He hums in your ear.

“I love you..”

Your heart rate speeds up as you rest on him. “I love you too….but I mean it when I say I’m never sucking your dick again.”

Jaehyun chuckles. “Sure..whatever you say, sweetheart.”

————

[Fifth Day in Bali]

The fourth day was filled with many more adventures with Jaehyun. You had your bratty moments but he would smirk and say that he liked it. Perhaps because he knew what he would do to you during your last night in Bali.

Tonight was your final night so you decided to go to a popular nightclub after having a romantic dinner on the beach.

You wore a black lingerie set Jaehyun had bought you. It had a gorgeous lace bra and garter belt with a lace thong accented by red beads attached. Once again, you felt beyond delicious and ready for Jaehyun. But unlike Valentine’s Day, you’d been together all day, there’s no way he’d be late for anything.

Your black leather dress was tight and accentuated your boobs while minimizing your waistline with a chain belt. The dress stopped a little higher than mid thigh but had straps which connected to your stocking heels.

If sexy was a person, you were sure you were it for the night.

You did your hair and makeup nicer than usual. You even wore Jaehyun’s favorite lipstick, a blush pink color that you wore with a lip liner so it would complement your skin color perfectly.

“Wow..” Jaehyun gasps when you walk out of the bedroom.

He was waiting for you on the couch. He stands up and walks over to you, a smile crossing his face before he licks his lips. “You know what? I’m not really feeling the club anymore..why don’t we just stay inside and..”

“Nope! We are not staying in on our last night! Let’s go!” You shimmy away from him and head for the door.

The club was large and lavish. Stunning women and men danced to bass boosted music while under the colorful stage lights. You and Jaehyun were still feeling the effects of the red wine you had at dinner. But you decided to have a few shots so you’d really be engaged and as carefree as the other club attendees.

Bodies swayed easily, bodies were on top of bodies as they grinded and made out.

They all looked so sexy, you wanted to feel what they felt, to be as they were with the ones you hoped they loved too.

Jaehyun wraps his arm around you, pulling you into his chest. He slants over and kisses your ear. “You look amazing, my love.” His voice is raspy and low, the alcohol clearly having an affect on him.

The music is loud but you can still hear him. But more importantly, you can feel him. The way his arm holds you. The way his heart beats against your back. Your butt presses against his pelvis. You grind onto him along to the music. Your bodies move together as you blend into the crowd of other lustful dancers.

Jaehyun pants into the crook of your neck while your hand goes to his head and your fingers intertwine with his hair. He moans quietly as you massage his scalp and press onto his growing erection.

“Fuck baby, I love you.” He whispers again.

He grips your hip with one hand so the two of you stay in sync. His other hand snakes up your abdomen and to your chest. He cups your breast through your dress as you let out a quiet mewl.

Your butt moves in circles on his lap, making his head spin. He moves his hand from your breast and then to your neck. He squeezes gently. “Show me how badly you want it, sweetheart.”

You grind onto him harder. You’re both tipsy and everything seems a bit hazy. A machine releases smoke which makes the two of you even more dazed. All you feel is a longing for each other being boosted by the heavy bass.

Jaehyun is about to whisper again when he feels someone pull him away.

The person grabs his hand.

“Hey!” He calls out.

He’s too drunk to stop walking, they easily overpower him and ignore his calls.

You, on the other hand, feel his absence only for a brief moment before he is replaced by someone else.

You close your eyes and dance with the person, being too drunk to realize that they’re not Jaehyun.

Jaehyun is shoved into a wall, before someone places a hand on his chest.

“Well, hello, Jaehyun.” Reina says sneakily.

“What the f-“

Jaehyun is interrupted by a rough kiss. Reina holds his face in her hands, pulling him close so her chest rests against his.

Jaehyun doesn’t protest at first, instead he wraps his arms around her, pulling her onto him even more while overtaking her tongue with his.

You also enjoy intimacy with someone else. Their hands roaming across your body as your back presses into their broad chest.

“You’re beautiful.” The person leans down and whispers in your ear. His voice is low and sexy, sending butterflies through your entire body. In a drunken haze, you let out a laugh and close your eyes while grinding your butt onto him. It had to be Jaehyun, right? Only Jaehyun could feel this good.

But Jaehyun is making out in the corner with Reina. He spins around and pushes Reina into the wall, his lips still latched to hers. Reina moans quietly as she runs her hands up and down Jaehyun’s biceps.

She bites her lips when he pulls away to look at her, his forehead sweaty and his mouth open as staggered breaths leave it.

“You look great in this shirt, Jaehyun..” She unbuttons two more buttons to reveal his chest and runs her fingers down the bare skin slowly.

“Have you missed my touch?” She asks.

And that’s when Jaehyun shifts back to reality.

Touch.

It wasn’t her touch that he missed, it was yours. Jaehyun wipes his mouth and looks at the red lipstick smudge on it in confusion.

“I thought I told you I didn’t want to see you here.” He growls out.

He begins to grow angry at himself for being so ‘easy.’ Reina caught up to him and now you were alone somewhere on the dance floor. You could see them together at any moment.

“Ahhhh..Jaehyun, baby, you know I couldn’t resist.” Reina smirks.

Jaehyun shakes his head and starts to walk away, but Reina tugs his hand. “Just touch me..daddy, feel how wet I am for you already.”

She tries to pull Jaehyun back onto her but he shakes his hand out of her grip.

“Reina..I am too upset for words right now. You have the audacity to show up at the same place me and my girlfriend are at just so you can lure me here. I may be drunk but I’m not stupid. I don’t want you.”

Reina’s smile turns to a frown quickly as she watches Jaehyun walk away from her. It feels bad to be let down after being wound up by his wild kiss, but it feels even worse to know that he wants you more than he wants her.

Meanwhile, the man behind you moves his hand from your waist to your hips. You swing slowly onto him to feel him.

He takes your movement as a sign to touch you more, placing his round lips onto your jawline and soon your neck. You place your hands behind you, throwing your head back as you arch into him. His touch feels amazing, sparks of electricity running across your skin as you dance to the intoxicating rhythm. Everything is blurry and all you can think about is the yearning in between your legs. The yearning that can only be satisfied by him, by J-

“Hey!”

You hear a loud, hoarse voice over the music.

Your eyes snap open as you are taken out of your trance. You turn around to see Jaehyun looking angrily at the man you were dancing with.

“Shit. Jae—I’m so sorry. I-I thought..”

He turns to you, steam practically escaping his ears. You shudder from the look on his face.

“Y/n..what the fuck!”

The dark-haired man chuckles. “Hey, we were just having fun..”

He turns back to the man. “Hey dickhead, can’t you see she’s taken?! Fuck off!”

Jaehyun got so upset so fast, you didn’t understand. Was it the alcohol that made him this angry?

“Jaehyun!” You try to pull him away as the man steps closer to him, but Jaehyun doesn’t budge.

“Like I said..we were just having fun..but I can see why she wanted to get away from you.” The man snickers as Jaehyun’s head looks as if it’s about to blow.

Jaehyun’s eyes widen. “This fucking asshole..”

“Hey! That’s not true!” You put your hand up to the man. “Just leave us alone.”

“Pretty boy started this…I want to see what he’s all about.” He crosses his arms.

Jaehyun balls his hands into fists. You turn back to him and place yourself in between them. “Jaehyun..don’t do this, let’s go home. The last thing we want is for you to be arrested in a foreign country. It’s not worth it.” You place your hand on his.

Jaehyun huffs and turns away from you, speeding to the door. You struggle to push through the crowd to follow him out.

“Jaehyun..baby, wait.” You finally caught up to him outside, but he held his head down and stared at the ground.

“I’m so sorry, I was drunk, I’m still a little drunk, I didn’t..I swear I didn’t know you weren’t behind me.” You beg while panting.

Jaehyun purses his lips. “I don’t want to talk about it..” He raises his hand and calls for a taxi.

“Please..Jaehyun..”

He opens the door for you. “Get in.”

You hurry inside the taxi and fix your dress. Jaehyun joins you and closes the door. He shows the driver the address, but then the two of you sit in silence.

You stare at the side of his face, waiting for him to turn to you and see your face of regret and eyes filled with tears. His jaw is clenched, his eyes are focused on the dark road and street lights outside.

About 10 minutes later, you finally break the silence. You place your hand on his thigh. “Jaehyun, I would never cheat on you, you know that..I love you, and I’m so sorry.”

But he still stared out the window. “How could you not feel the difference, y/n?”

“I-I don’t know, I was drunk. Please, believe me.”

“I don’t know..maybe you just wanted someone else, someone other than me? Is that it?”

“Jaehyun, no, that’s not true at all..I just-“

“Then why did you dance with him?! I’m your boyfriend right?” Jaehyun finally turns to you, his voice rising as the two of you sit in the backseat of the taxi.

“Yes! You are! And I love you so much, please believe me.” A tear runs down your cheek.

Things went south so fast. One moment you were dancing together, the next you were arguing and on the brink of a breakup. But you couldn’t understand why Jaehyun would’ve been this upset. A part of you felt it was unnecessary given the fact that you were inebriated at the time.

Jaehyun turns to the window as you approach your villa after a long and tense ride.

You can’t help but wonder why Jaehyun had let go of you in the first place.

“Where were you, Jaehyun?”

Jaehyun’s eyes widened slightly. He was thankful that you hadn’t seen him with Reina, but how could he explain his absence?

“What?” He turns to you.

“Where were you? Why did you leave me alone on that crowded dance floor?”

“Are you seriously trying to turn this on me right now?” His eyes narrow and you never felt so small. But you remained firm, your concern was valid after all.

“I’m just asking-“

“No, dont..you’re just trying to come up with an excuse for your…slutting around..”

“What? ‘Slutting around’?”

“I went to the bathroom and I came back to you dancing with another man.”

“Jaehyun, I’m not stupid, you were gone for longer than a bathroom break.”

He rubs his temple. “The place was crowded as fuck, y/n! It was difficult to get to you! Wait, you know what, I’m not doing this. You’re making me feel like the bad guy.” He slams the door and heads inside.

You thank the driver before leaving through the other door.

“How am I making you feel like the bad guy when you’re the one that left me in the middle of a nightclub in a country that neither of us are familiar with?!”

Jaehyun takes his shoes off and places them on the floor.

“I drank too, y/n, and I messed up by leaving you. But you know what? At least, I don’t become a fucking slut like you when I’m drunk.”

You scoff. “Wow..Jaehyun, just wow.”

You drop your purse and kick off your heels before rushing into the bathroom to cry.

Jaehyun breaks at the sound of you crying in the bathroom. He sighs and closes his eyes. “Shit.”

You sob uncontrollably while sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

Jaehyun knocks on the locked door. “Hey…listen..I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Jaehyun knew his outburst had more to do with Reina than it did with you. He was upset that she actually showed up, he was upset that your relationship was at risk because she was there. Things weren’t going as planned, and he didn’t like that.

But unfortunately, he couldn’t control his anger and took it out on you instead.

“Y/n..baby..I know you made a mistake, okay? I’m sorry, I just got upset.”

You sniffle and wipe your eyes.

“Talk to me, please?” Jaehyun leans on the wall beside the door. “I don’t like hearing you cry, baby..”

You roll your eyes and think of how ironic all of this was. One moment he was calling you a slut, the next moment he was begging for forgiveness like you were.

You wash your face and breathe heavily into the towel.

“Y/n…don’t go to sleep angry at me, you know I don’t like when you go to sleep after we argue,” He says.

A moment later you open the door and brush past him while looking at the floor.

He takes your hand and brings you back to him, pressing you into the wall while towering over you.

“Look at me. We’re both upset, right? Let’s just forget about everything…it’s just me and you right now..no more crowded clubs, no more weird guys. I don’t want to regret this vacation, I just want to be with you, okay?”

You look up at him slowly. His eyes are brimming with tears as well. He’s so handsome as a strand of his dark hair hangs in his forehead, his lips are pouted. His cologne fills your nose, he smells so good, you just want to rest on his chest and breathe him in.

You place your lips onto his. He steps forward, making your head fall back into the wall. He takes your head in his hands and presses onto your lips harder.

Your tongue crosses over his bottom lip slowly, teasingly while he turns his head.

Jaehyun then grips your chin in his hand and kisses your lips harder. His kiss is filled with fury, anger, longing. He bites your bottom lip as your eyes close and your back leans even more. When he pulls away to breathe, he looks at you through low eyes while still holding your chin.

His gaze sends chills through your body. It’s a dark gaze that you can’t read. He looks as if he wants to destroy you, make you remember why you’re his.

You breathe heavily, your chest rising and falling as you stare at his lips, wishing they were back on yours.

But instead he rubs his thumb along your bottom lip.

“You love me…right?” He tilts his head, his eyes still narrowing in on your open mouth.

“Of course I do, Jaehyun.” You say breathily.

“Show me then…” he steps back while taking his belt off.

PART 3.1 | PART 3.2 | PART 3.3

[unioncolours]

A 2nd Majsasaurus Year!

Today, 22nd of September 2021, it’s been two years since I officially joined the magical world of fandom. 22.9.2019 I uploaded the first chapter to my fic Shadows and Sand, and the rest is history.

I did a deep dive into my first year as a fic writer and active member of fandom last year, when it was my first anniversary. You can read it here!

In that meta discussion about my membership of fandom, I presented it as if walking on clouds. I was so, so happy and talked during all the discussion about my happiness in fandom.

Since that post was written, my life and also my perception of the fandom I am part of has changed. Change isn’t always bad, as I really had a honeymoon phase with fandom over a year ago, and the low after hit hard.

But let’s see what I’ve been up to and what I’ve been writing! The following year provided much change and fun things! Please keep reading 💜⬇

The first fic I wrote since 22.9.2020 was a Sakura x Ino fic. I had for a longer while been interested in writing a woman-loves-woman ship, which I had never done before, and as a wlw-person myself the urge to explore that part led to Promise me this is just a kiss. The pairing itself was chosen on rather random, it had to be two women and I like Ino, so I chose the most popular Ino-wlw ship for this for convenience.

I really liked writing the fic and it was well-received! It was the first time I had written a fic that was entirely centred around exploring feelings and having sex.

After this I jumped directly onto the next idea that had been boiling inside me for a longer while. Up to this point, all I had written, except the wlw-fic, had been set in the Naruto canonverse and I was itching to try to work with a multi-chaptered modern au! The pairing was of course my beloved Shikadai x Inojin.

It was during the creation of this fic I began to struggle. This was a new genre, as this was romance only and all my other works had been action and fantasy based, except the sex fic of course. I was maybe over critical and stressed, which resulted in me having a hard time writing it. But I made it. Was the sky always this beautiful? ended up being 35k long, and in hindsight, I freaking love, love, love how it turned out in the end and what it represented. I am very proud of this fic.

I “upgraded” as a fan by the end of October when I bought myself a digital drawing tablet. I began drawing fanart of Shikadai and Inojin and preferably them two together, haha! I still draw a few days a month and find it extremely fun as a side hobby beside the writing.

We are now in November 2020. By this time, I had completely finished my zine fic, Under the Scorching Sun, which I had written during September and October, for the Shikatema zine I was kindly accepted to. I was proud of what I had created and was eager for the rest of the contributors to wrap up theirs, so we’d have a wonderful zine for sale in 2021. It was lovely to write ShikaTema again. As the zine fic was about to be released in months from when I had at first finished it, I wanted of course to write something fans and friends could immediately take part of on the internet. I had hyped myself up to a state where I wanted to write a third and final story in my series To love and never let go, my epic series about Shikadai and Inojin.

Now, I should maybe have waited another month, but I was worried the readers would give up on me if I didn’t write it right away. In December, I began writing To find hope in the Universe, with my usual speed and love for the art.

What I by then didn’t realise or even recognise was that I was very slowly turning burned out. I ignored all the signs.

In December I wrote simultaneously as Hope in the Universe a fic that was part of the Shikatema server’s Secret Santa event. The fic’s name was The Ghost Stories of our Hearts, and it was ShikaTema, as the event’s name suggests. It was fun to write and despite the final big fic, Hope in the Universe, pressing down on me, I finished The Ghost Stories of our Hearts and was very happy with the result. Sadly, at this point the burnout began taking control over me, and I never managed to reply to the comments.

The 15th of January, I began uploading To find hope in the Universe. It was a lovely experience, even if it was tainted by negative feelings coming from my decreasing happiness and the fact that it didn’t do as well as To dance above the Stars, the second fic in the series. To deal with two very contradiction emotions, loving my work, the characters, how I have painted an entire world around the characters and how I knew some people honestly loved my hard work, and then the negative feelings coming from not feeling good enough and depressed, was a difficult thing to navigate and still is when I think back to that time. It didn’t help that during the process of uploading the fic I went through grief, and I chose distraction as my coping method. I kept writing and working, the only thing I ever knew.

Our pre-order of the Shikatema zine was in full motion by this time and it was a nerve-wracking time! Mostly because of excitement but also worry. I’m super happy for my friends who were part of the zine, with whom I could share all the excitement and nervousness with. The zine ended up making good sales, which made me happy among the uploading of the long fic.

To find hope in the Universe was completed 31st of March 2021. When I uploaded the final chapter, I felt nothing. It was so weird, so spooky, to have finished a long fic and a series on top of that and not feel anything. But deep down, beneath the layer of depression, I felt great pride.

That was the emotion that broke free once the burnout left me. Pride.

I had created this empire of Shikajin, a whole alternative timeline, an alternative canon from my own head and to this day, that is my internet legacy. I love Trial of the Heart, which I wrote in 2020, but if I have to choose between ToH and this series, I will choose To love and never let go in a heartbeat.

So, even if it felt depressing and hopeless in the moment, I look now back with pride and happiness. Never forget that. Never forget that I made that.

April was a curious time. I swore to not write anything, because I had by now recognised that I was burned out and needed to rest, yet managed to scrape together three smaller fics.

The first one was another wlw-smut fic, TemaSaku this time called Another Light. I wanted to explore that part once again. I wrote it in canonverse and honestly think the fic ended up extremely nice. Perfect amount of feels and sex. It didn’t feel hard to write at all, because the setting, characters and emotions were so different from the fics I had written the last five months.

Now more interesting things lay on the horizon! A new zine, the Ino-Shika-Cho zine called Beyond a Bond had an interest check during the spring, and later the contributor application. I urged in the interest check to please give us the next gen kids, Shikadai, Inojin and Chocho – my kids and babies, and when it turned out they were going to feature, I had to apply as a writer. For this application I wrote a one shot, called It’s just hair, and I loved this spunky little story featuring the best babies that I created.

I also edited one of my tumblr fics, And then I kissed him, into a longer, better version that I later in May uploaded onto AO3. It was once again a Shikajin, a sequel of Trial of the Heart, and it was a fun little project.

Now May came and I sent in the application for the zine early, which I now am relieved I did. I am happy that I did the work for the application in April instead of May, because in May I had a few breakdowns and another grieving period, which lead to complete creative paralysis. I didn’t write a single word during May, only uploaded the two one shots I had prepared in April.

What I did do in May was to read through the Shikatema zine I had contributed to! It arrived in the mail! I was so nervous; my whole body was shaking when I opened the package right outside the post office. The zine now resides on the parade place in my little zine shrine in the bookshelf. Thank you to the mods who made this a reality!

To my great happiness my zine adventures continued as I was accepted to the Ino-Shika-Cho zine as a writer and was assigned to write my favourite characters. I felt so relieved and overjoyed, mind blown by the sheer talent among the contributors.

On the other fandom front, June didn’t continue any brighter, with stress and mental pain still having a strong grip around me, despite the very happy news that I am still so grateful for. I wrote a Yamanaka family fic which to this day hasn’t seen the light of AO3, because of negative emotions surrounding it. I turned into a complete wreck compared to me in June 2020. In June 2020 I was flourishing, I loved what I did, I loved fandom and I loved the friends I had made through Discord servers. Now I could find myself crying my eyes out over a wip not going the way I wished it would. What had happened to Bex 2021?

I was so incredibly frustrated with myself, groaning in defeat when my hands just couldn’t write. I managed to push through 6k of what I called my “emo au” – more of that later – and finish the Yamanaka fic which is still buried, and on top of that I had the zine and another fandom event, The Naruto Photo Album, to create content for. Why couldn’t I do it? Why couldn’t I find happiness in something that once was my reason for happiness?

In the end, I managed to write 15k in June. My former monthly word count used to be 30k. One could think this would turn into the end of my fic writing career, or the beginning of a longer hiatus, but I am stubborn and want to meet the expectations of the people who love my content, so I didn’t want to give up. I wanted to try. I wanted to be whoever I was before.

Funnily enough, the healing came in the shape of the most self-indulgent fic I have ever, ever written, a fic I like possessed began writing July the 1st 2021. It was nothing less than a freaking fairy tale AU, namely a Shikadai x Inojin Peter Pan AU. I can hear you laugh at the silliness of it, but this whimsical AU gave me back my love for writing. I hyper-fixated on this story quite a bit and stopped writing on everything else, something I almost never do.

Only happy boys fly ended up being 21 000 words long! I knew it was a niched story, and true to my guesses, the story has to this day very low stats. Today, two months after it was published, it has just above 100 hits and 10 kudos, so for all I know, only ten people read and liked it. I try to not care too much, since I love the story and in some way, that story saved me from going batshit insane over my emotions about writing.

At this point I had begun writing my fic from the Ino-Shika-Cho zine, finding joy in silly scenes with my favourite characters and trying to heal. The writing process was frustratingly slow, but one word at a time I got forward and as of today, the draft is done. The pre-orders are in December. At the side of the zine fic I wrote a short fluffy Shikajin story, CLEAR, a story with almost no plot, because I knew how much self-indulgence could help me.

And then, I finally began writing for real on my emo au, A gang of fallen stars, which has the first few chapters up right now! I have for the first time in six months a longer fic (if we don’t count the Peter Pan story) and it feels… good. This fic is once again a modern au, but in darker tones than my other modern au from November 2020. I honestly like what I have so far, even if I during June and July almost planned to never finish it. I am so relieved I managed to begin the upload. In September the Photo Album was released and I could show my two fics I wrote for it.

It sounds like this year has been nothing but misery, and at times it felt like it. However, there are a few fandom friends who brought light to my life when I couldn’t see it. The first ones to mention are of course my partners in crime, @notquitejiraiya and @thespookymoth. Together we created a server dedicated to Ino-Shika-Cho during the spring and it has been tons of fun with the members there! Thank you two for listening to me and for being my friends during 2021.

I also have to mention Soverel, who carefully begun taking contact through comments and likes on my twitter, and later through direct messages, and it has been a fun ride ever since. We’ve had lovely discussions which are very dear to me and your support means a lot to me. Thank you for being you and for drawing so many wonderful artworks you’ve shared with me. Haha, and for making me play Genshin Impact, even though I do it like twice a month!

Another person who has made my days so much brighter is @sugarriene. Thank you for sending me that one dm that made us chat regularly, thank you for popping up and sharing panels and your wonderful drawings with me, and for vibing head canons with me. You are a lovely person, and you make me happy.

Finally, I want to give a shout out to @yoboseyokyu for listening to me when I had to yell into the void and for making me happy with your cute posts on both twitter and tumblr.

Since September 2020, I’ve written around 195 000 words and drawn close to 35 illustrations, most of them of Shikadai and Inojin. Almost 200 000 words of Majsasaurus. I’ve created a Discord server and I’ve been part of two zines as a writer, plus a free PDF-project.

It has been a wild year. A year filled with passion for my favourite characters and ship, with the excitement that came with being part of projects and hyping them. It was a year where I learned to draw digitally, and heck what fun it was.

This also a year where I learned people can be mean to me because of what I ship and that fandom friends won’t necessarily always stay to be your friend anymore and how much it can hurt. I also learned what my limits are, and what punishment I get if I don’t listen to my own mind and rest when I have to.

It was a year, guys.

Now, onto the third Majsasaurus Year. Cheers!

And those of you, who supported me when I needed it – thank you and I love you.

[songtoyou]

Epiphany - Part Four

Paring: Luke Crain x Female Reader

Chapter Rating: PG-13

Word Count: 3,080

Warnings: Talks of drug use and recovery. Swearing and self-doubt.

Description: Life has never been easy for Luke Crain. After the death of Nell, Luke realizes that he needs to make some changes. He decided to stay in Massachusetts and attend rehab. He was determined to remain on his path of sobriety. When you get assigned to be Luke’s sponsor, it opens a new door of possibilities that neither you nor Luke expected.  

A/N: I am sorry that it has taken me so long to write and upload this chapter. I have not been feeling so good since I posted that last chapter. Lots of anxiety keeping me from doing things such as write. Anyway, here is the new chapter. I wanted to write about Aunt Janet. I felt that the show didn’t really tell us much about her except that she took care of the kids after the events of Hill House in 1992. 

Note: Italics represent the past or past conversations.

Feedback is wonderful. It is nice knowing if people are actually liking this fic.

I do not permit my work to be posted on any other site without my permission.

Tag list: @morningstar09

~Aunt Janet’s House – 2002 ~

“Luke! Hurry up, or you’re going to be late for school!” Aunt Janet yelled up the stairs.

“Luke! Come on!” exclaimed Nellie. “I’ll go check on him.”

“Thanks, sweetie,” said Janet. Her youngest nephew often worried her, especially since it was the tenth anniversary of Olivia’s death this past summer. Janet started to notice that Luke became more recluse and stayed up in his room. The only person Luke would interact with was Nell, which was not surprising to Janet. The twins only managed to become closer as they got older.

What really began to cause Janet to worry was catching Luke steal money from her purse. She asked him what he was doing and why he was stealing. However, Luke could come up with a pretty decent lie about needing money to buy flowers for Olivia’s grave.

In truth, it was to buy beer. Luke had taken a liking to the barley and hops beverage. It helped him feel numb and not worry about anything. Unfortunately, Luke had one too many beers last night and was paying for it. Nellie found him headfirst in the toilet regurgitating the contents of his late-night beer binge.

“Eww, gross. What is wrong with you?” asked Nellie. She pinched her nose as the stench of Luke’s puke was overwhelming.

“What does it look like! I’m sick! Tell Aunt Janet that I can’t go to school.”

“Luke, come on. You have missed too many days already. They’re going to hold you back another year if you miss any more school,” Nellie argued while searching through Luke’s drawers and closet for clothes.

Luke managed to get up from the bathroom floor when he felt it was safe. He rinsed out his mouth to relieve it from the after taste of throw-up.

“Come on! Get cleaned up and put these on,” ordered Nell and shoved Luke’s clothes in his arms.

Luke groaned and plopped down on his bed. “Nellie…I can’t go to school today. I’m too sick.”

“Well, your sickness is also making me sick, but I managed to get up and ready for school today. Now move it! I’ll keep bugging you if you don’t move. I’m not going to let you fall to the waste side. Do you hear me, Luke?”

“Fine! I’m getting dressed!” Luke yelled to get Nellie off of his back.

No matter what occurred between them, neither twin could ever hate the other. They were each other’s best friends and closest confidante. They had to be. Especially now that they were the last two left in Aunt Janet’s care. As soon as their eldest siblings turned eighteen, they hightailed it out of Janet’s house for college.

Luke slowly trudges down the stairs with his backpack slumped on his shoulders.

“Hey, there he is,” greeted Aunt Janet. “Would you like some breakfast, sweetie?”

“No! No breakfast,” Luke replied with his head on the table.

However, Nellie pushed a plate of dry toast in front of him and told him to at least nibble some bites. “Here’s some orange juice. Take slow sips. The last thing we need is you spewing junks in the toilet again,” whispered Nellie while Aunt Janet was in the kitchen. She would not out that her brother was hungover. That last thing Nell wanted was to cause any more trouble for Luke.

She knew why Luke did not want to go to school, and it had to do with, what else, their family. Some of the kids at school saw Luke as an easy target to bully and terrorize. The topic of their “messed-up” family was their go-to whenever they wanted to antagonize Luke. Nell often found herself a target for bullies but could stand up for herself a lot better than Luke.

With the anniversary of Olivia’s death, the bullies made it their mission to torment Luke about growing up without a mother or father. They would push him against the lockers, knocking his glasses off his face, and trip him in the hallways. It was too much to handle, and Luke was tired.

Leaning back in his chair, Luke re-read the words on the computer screen. His instructor loved the essay he turned in and advised him to expand upon it. Luke pushed aside his reservations about exploring his past traumas through writing. It was a better outlet for Luke to help cope and tackle past stressful life experiences.  Not only did Luke have support from his instructor and you, but his counselor at Banyan Treatment Center, Rob, also supported the idea of using expressive writing as a way to heal.

Luke could not deny that writing helped clear his head. Something he learned while being in rehab back in Los Angeles. It allowed him to face things from his past that he had pushed aside. However, Luke had some reservations about how much he should…open himself up when it comes to sorting out his past events. There were still things that Luke was not quite ready to face.  

Oh my God!" exclaimed Luke. "It has been a month and a half since we have seen that movie. It would be best if you got over the ending. It happened. There is nothing you can do about it."

"I can't, Luke. It was total bullshit!" you yelled back furiously.

Luke calmly said your name to get your attention. "Listen to me; we don't even know if Steve Rogers actually stayed back in time to be with Peggy. He may have…"

"Then where did he go? Huh? He just up and left his friends who he just got back. Steve and Peggy never even dated! They kissed, that is it. Yes, there was an attraction that each had for one another, but that was all it ever way…an attraction. They are a 'what could have been' type of couple—the movie completely throughout all of Steve's character development…right out the window. Whatever, I'm over it," you stated, throwing your hands up in defeat.

You and Luke were driving to his Aunt Janet's house for a visit. He mentioned to you about wanting to visit his aunt for some time but had not gotten around to it. You were surprised that he asked you to come along.

Luke mentioned that Shirley and Theo were too busy to come with him and did not want to go alone. You agreed on the condition that he drive since Aunt Janet lived an hour and a half away from Wilmington. Lately, your anxiety has been going up and down, so you were not comfortable being at the hands of the wheel, especially on the freeway. You did not understand why you had such anxiety these past few days. You chalked it up to being nervous about your final project at school. The assignment was to create a self-portrait. It should be simple enough, but of course, the art instructor wanted students to "think outside of the box" and not have it be a regular standard portrait of themselves.

Each draft you came up with was of you in some state of turmoil, whether it be you depicted on a gurney getting resuscitated from your heroin overdose or lying in a pool of your own vomit. You could not understand why this particular project was giving you such a hard time. You were three-years sober. You had a steady job and gone back to school. Your relationship with your parents was better than ever. So, why the thought of a self-portrait brought upon negative thoughts about oneself?

You mentioned your troubles to Luke, and he was very sympathetic. While he was now 206 days sober, there were times where he felt…like the achievement did not mean much.

"What do you mean by that?" you asked him while on the way to Aunt Janet's house.

"It's just…this isn't my first rodeo when it comes to recovery," Luke began to say. "There is always this little voice in the back of my head that…"

"That it is only temporary. I have that little voice too. I'm not too fond of that little voice. Three years sober, and there are times where I still feel like a total failure. I shouldn't, but…I can't help it," you revealed to Luke honestly.

"Thankfully, there is another little voice in the back of my head that gives tells me that I'm doing a good job now and then. It's just that positive little voice has been a tad quiet lately," you added.

Luke could pick up on the little defeatist tone in your voice, and he did not like it. You immediately felt his worry about you. "Hey," you said to get his attention and placed a hand on his arm. "Don't worry about me, okay. I'm fine. I have my fears like every recovering addict. It is nice to talk to someone about it, particularly someone who understands, you know. That helps."

Silence soon filled the car, but it was not awkward. You never had awkward or uncomfortable silences with Luke. For some reason, Luke was one of the few comforting presences in your life. Regardless of all of the hardships he has gone through in his life, he offered a sense of hopefulness. With his 6'3 stature, Luke really came off more like a gentle giant. It was like he did not view himself as this grown tall man, but probably still felt like that little kid hiding under the bed from the "Tall Man" at Hill House.

"Luke," you said to get his attention. "Are you happy?"

"No," he replied immediately, then clarified when he saw the look you gave him. "I mean, am I happy that I am over 200 days clean, then yes I am, very much so. But…I don't know, there is a small part of me that is scared to be happy…to be content in fear of something going wrong."

When Luke pulled the car into Aunt Janet's driveway, the older woman immediately came out of the house to greet her youngest nephew.

"There he is, my little boy," she said and wrapped her arms around Luke, which he reciprocated.

"Hi Aunt Janet, how are you?"

"I'm fine, darling. How have you been?" Aunt Janet asked, pulling away to get a good look at Luke. He looked much better than he did at Nell's funeral.

"Good. I'm doing good. Everyone is doing…fine," Luke replied, then turned towards you. He introduced you as his friend and not his sponsor to his Aunt, which kind of surprised you.

"So nice to meet you," said Aunt Janet taking your hand. She motioned for you both to follow her into the house. "I hope you both are hungry. I made an array of sandwiches and salads for lunch. Luke, I also made your favorite…chocolate pecan pie bars."

"Thank the Lord because he was hoping you would make them on the car ride here. It was all he talked about?" you teased.

"Once you have one, then you will know what I am talking about," Luke responded with a smile.

Aunt Janet lead you both into the kitchen.

"Can I use the bathroom to freshen up?" you asked her.

"Oh yes, dear. It is down that hallway, the first door to the right," told Aunt Janet as she showed you where to go. "Luke, you should probably wash your hands first," she added.

"Yes, Aunt Janet," he said and went to the sink to wash his hands.

When you were no longer in earshot, Aunt Janet stood beside her nephew and said, "Your friend seems really sweet."

Luke could not hold back his smile, "Yeah, she is genuinely nice. She's fun to hang out with. We have a lot of the same interests. Shirley and Theo have met her as well," he mentioned and shared that both of his sisters really liked you.

Aunt Janet turned her head to see if you came if you were around the corner. When you were not, she leaned over to Luke and said, "Very pretty too. She'd make a lovely…"

"Aunt Janet, she is just a friend. I can't date her anyway. She's…they say you shouldn't date anyone while still in recovery."

"I'm so proud of you," Aunt Janet said as she placed the food on the kitchen table. "You are becoming the man I always knew you could be."

Luke would be lying to himself if he denied that there was some form of attraction that he had for you, both physically and emotionally. He knew that the feelings that he was slowly developing towards you could be considered wrong. You were his sponsor…a dedicated one at that too. It would not be right for him to act on any attraction he may have for you—no doubt, that you would not reciprocate them, which would be disappointing to Luke.

"Better to just suffer in silence," Luke thought to himself.

"Don't you want a girlfriend? A family of your own someday?" asked Aunt Janet.

"Yeah…maybe. Someday. I'm just learning to take care of myself without drugs in my system. There is no way I can be a dedicated father or husband to anyone… at least not right now. I am still a work in progress," Luke admitted to his aunt. "I do like…" But Luke stopped when he heard your footsteps approaching.

"Oh, my goodness. The pictures on the wall… I'm assuming the little kid with glasses is you, Luke."

The three of you sat around the kitchen table with your plates stacked with delicious food.

"Luke was the absolute cutest kid. He had a little lisp as well," Aunt Janet shared. "I have more pictures of the kids if you would like to see them?"

"Yes," you replied ecstatically.

"No," Luke disputed, "We are in the middle of eating."

"We can multitask. Let's see those pictures," you asserted gleefully while Aunt Janet got up from the table.

With a belly full of food, the three you were now sitting outside on the patio, drinking tea, and eating Aunt Janet's yummy chocolate pecan pie bars. You already looked through three photo albums that showed Luke and his siblings' younger years.

"I wanted to take as many pictures as I could of the kids. They hated it, but I told 'em they would appreciate it when they got older," expressed Aunt Janet. "Here's a picture of Nell on her wedding day. That's her husband, Arthur. Sadly, he passed away a couple of months after they got married. But…they are together now."

You looked at the photo of the young couple. Nell looked very much like her older sisters and her mother. You could tell that there was a kindness about Nell just by looking at the picture. She was the type of person to go above and beyond for her family and even strangers. Luke would say that Nell was just that type of person to care about everyone, no matter who they were or where they came from.

Luke did share with you that one of his biggest regrets was not going to Nell's wedding. He said that he tried, but Shirley told him to leave. Luke said that it was for the best and that he was in no right state of mind to support his twin the way she deserved on her wedding day.

Thankfully for Luke, Nell understood and held no hard feelings. She never did when it came to her other half.

Aunt Janet began to sniffle, and when you looked up from the photo, you saw the older woman dab her eyes with a napkin. Out of instinct, Luke grabbed his Aunt's tiny hand and squeezed it with his as a way to show support. Just as he was Aunt Janet's little boy, Nell was her little girl. She was the one to raise them, take care of them, and guide them into adulthood.

None of the Crain children were perfect; they were far beyond that notion. However, there is no denying that if they did not have Aunt Janet take care of them and love them, they could have been worse off. Luke had the overwhelming feeling of guilt encompassing him at the moment as Aunt Janet tried to hold back her tears.

You instantly looked up at Luke. You could feel his sense of guilt towards the way he treated his aunt while growing up. He looked over at you. It was a silent conversation you both were having between one another. You mouthed, "Do you want me to go?" so he could have this moment alone.

With a shake of his head, 'No,' Luke spoke up to get his aunt's attention. "Aunt Janet…I'm sorry. I'm sorry for…for all the Hell I put you through while living here. You did so much for Nell and me, and the others that I…shit all over it. I stole and lied to you like it was my job. You deserved better. I just want you to know that…me getting hooked on drugs…well…that was…no matter what had happened…it was my choice to go down that path of destruction. I love you, Aunt Janet, and I am so appreciative of the sacrifices you made for my siblings and me. I wish that I weren't such a fuck up…"

"Oh sweetheart, no, you are not a…fuck up," Aunt Janet interjected and continued, "Not at all. I love you so much that…I would do anything for you, you know that, right? Your childhood is in the past. It happened. It is a part of you. The fact that you are continuing to remain clean after all that has occurred…well, that is something you should be most proud of. It shows that you are dedicated to your sobriety and turning your life around. No one said this process was easy, but you stayed the course and continued to make good decisions. As I told you earlier, you are becoming the man I always knew you could be."

"Now, I'm going to cry," Luke giggled as he dabbed his eyes with a napkin. "I didn't mean to turn this into a sob fest, but I wanted you to know that I'm sorry for what I put you through and that I love you very much, Aunt Janet."

Aunt Janet emerged from her seat to wrap her arms around her nephew and kiss the top of his head. It was a sweet moment to witness.