#I’m not joking; I’m actually in tears over this LMFAOOOO

[nc-vb]

YOU GUYSSSSSSS

HE DOESNT EVEN FUCKING HOLD THE CLAYMORE AJDKSLSJSSLSLSKK!!!!!

IM GOING INSANE AT THE DETAIL HOLY FUCKING HELL

Please… forgive me Ayaka, Xiao… I have a new main dps…

[the-closested-bisexual-himbo]

(The updated/edited version on my Ao3 chapter 2 and name: ¿Pretty boy?)

Summary: MtF Steve/Billy

Steve has a bit of body image issues and eating issues so ⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING FOR THAT!!!⚠️⚠️

((Inspired by a gif set that I found of how Steve always gives his food away to Tommy or whatever and I got emo about it cause ima dumb sad boy))

I started writing the story in the middle of a rewatch of Young Royals when this idea just came to me. had no intention on writing this much and yeah it just got away from me. Steve is weird with food and basically has an eating disorder fueled by the internal struggles of trying to admit to things about being trans excuse it for being messy or all over the place. Lol

Yo I caaant stop thinking about Billy and Steve becoming kiiiinda buddy buddy after coach makes them partner up until they “squash the beef” and their doin their workout drills during practice. Taking turns holding the others feet for crunches while they actually start talkin, initially jokes but they lead to “yeah my old man sucks too” type bonding talk filled with genuine smirks and laughs shared. Gettin more and more about their shared trauma.. and oh man the trauma bonding feels so good cause they both never thought they’d have someone who’d understand them.

After practice they go to one another’s house cause as they jokingly put it “well we know no ones gonna be home and if they are well we’ll just go some other place cause we know they won’t miss us” haha. And Billy tries to help Steve out with tips on how to bulk up but Steve always politely, turns the lightest hint of pink as he brushes it off. But man, why does Billy have to call him small, and dainty “like a girl” every time he brings it up. Cause, fuck, Steve hates that his heart always catches with his stomach with out fail every time as Billy, none the wiser keeps goin on and on about how he’s gotta bulk “his boy” up now that a real man like himself is on the team or he’ll “wipe the floor with you little bitchs”….

(Stop here read the tags I started writings the story in them, then come back here and read this next long bit lmfaoooo jumbled order cause I had nooo intention on writing this much but yeah got away from me. Don’t worry yall I promise I’ll get this actually written up into a nice sized lil fic )

(Ooooops soooo I zoned out and got carried away vibing n started to write the fic in the tags while watching young royals again with my mom (sorry if I miss gender Steve in the middle ground area before she comes out and it’s a mess in the finished version ima have my shit together but rn I’m just getting it out half minded didn’t even mean to write so much and then I did in the tags to the point where I reached my limit oop soooo I’ll have to finish it haha sorryyy cliffhanger was Steve finally ends up comfortable enough to talk about that first day and Billy’s all like “So we gonna talk about how you were jealous of your girlfriend and wanting her body in the least sexual way ooor..” and Steve figures it out and has to tip toe around the words and is scared to say it but Billy plays dumb just to get clarification aaaand Steve’s like “I-I like…. Wanna be.. *sigh* I wanna be like her.. I wanna be..” and Steve’s trembling with the pace of hyperventilating like breath, looks from the floor to Billy and is like “you know?… you have to know..” and Billy keeps fishing, wants to hear the truth out loud not for his own sake of course but Steve’s. “Just say what you mean Steve, go ahead, I’m here for you.. I swear I’m not goin anywhere, but you gotta say it” and Steves tearing up a bit as Billy urges “just breath, it’s okay, it’ll be okay, tell me.” And they’re both all vulnerable, locked in the others stare and Steve just follows Billys direction breathes and says “I-I (closes eyes and tears roll down) I’m a, girl” and then looks away, down to the floor. Eyes dewy nose gone a little red along with her eyes. Too anxious to see Billys reaction but feeling relieved all the same to have finally said it aloud and at that, another person and on top of that, being his enemy turned best friend turned crush.

Billy feel such a mix of emotions watching Steve looking off, fearing the worst he wondered to himself, Steve didn’t deserve to feel any level of worry or fear especially for just being.. uh, herself, he thought the air felt weighted in silence and he couldn’t stop himself from stirring it up by striding to Steve who still averting her gaze began to flinchingly step back. “Hey, you.. you don’t have to be scared of me Harrington.. i meant what I said, I’m not going anywhere.. aaand, it’s going to be okay.” And Steve meets his eyes for a moment before looking back down to the side as Billy closes the rest of the distance between them. “Guess this means I should call you pretty girl now?..” Billy says smiling trying to lighten the thick air. And Steve’s blushing and swallowing awkwardly as his breath hitches. Billy tries to ignore how causing Steve to be like that makes him feel and just clears his throat to say “look you don’t ever have to feel.. embarrassed or uncomfortable with me really I’m always here.. we’re all we got man-I mean fuck um, I meant that in the exclamation not like.. but still I’m sorry I’ll try to be more careful. Wh-what would you prefer I say?” And Steve feels so hot because oh my god he’s actually not running away but coming closer, Billy’s consoling her rather then berating or bullying her. And, fuck, he-he really cares like reeeally cares and nothings ever been like this in Steve’s whole life and for a moment it almost feels like a kiss was inevitable between them but Steve couldn’t bring himself to even look at him and figured Billy wouldn’t.. would he?… “um, it’s okay man we talk like that, ya know the dude and bro and man exclamation is our thing I like that and don’t want us to change that, but… I guess when it’s just us I wouldn’t mind if you tossed in that… ‘pretty girl’ thing.” And suddenly it feels like actual fire now and if this kiss doesn’t happen soon all the oxygen will cease to exist in this room. suddenly Billy’s hand is on the side of her face gently so they’re faces meet. “Look at me” Billy whispers so close Steve feels the faint breath on her face and she’s out of breath, it catches like she’s drunk on the moment as her heavy lidded eyes finally meet with his and she can tell the second they do that she’s not alone in the need, the want filling the room.) aaand.

That’s where I’ll end it tonight sorryyyy but ima work on this one for sure it’s very close to home for me haha sooo yeah. Again sorry about any misgendering in the in between in the tags I’ll go back and fix it most likely the day after tom I have a family event tom.

[arianagrandre]

sweetener thoughts

this is gonna be long so everything’s under the cut :))

current favourites: breathin, giaw, everytime, ntltc, R.E.M., better off, goodnight n go

1. Raindrops - I remember the first time i heard it. I immediately fell in love and I was so glad that she left it as an acapella - raw and untouched. I think it’s such a beautiful intro and (like all her intros and interludes) I wish it was longer.

2. Blazed - I like this track, it’s fun and I can imagine playing this at the beach or something?? I don’t really mind pharrell’s part on it but it’s an okay track, nothing really special.

3. the light is coming - Do yall hear sumn?

4. R.E.M. - oh my god this song.... it’s so so so pretty and I love that it’s so chill.... just a very dreamy song overall. It makes me want to fall in love. Her vocals on this are super pretty and I like that I can hear hints of Beyonce in it lmao. I love her lower register!!! It’s gorgeous and I’m glad this song managed to showcase that. Her rapping here is also very fitting I feel - it doesn’t feel out of place, the transitions from her rap verses to her singing verses flow really well and the whole song just seems tied together. Also I love her little speaking moments it’s so cute.

5. God is a Woman - Legendary. I didn’t like the lyrics initially (I thought she could do better since the title was so bold and commanding) but I fell in love with how it sounded from the start. The choir at the end gets me everytime.... btw Dangerous Woman walked so God is a Woman could run

6. Sweetener - The first 15 seconds? Godly. After that? I died laughing kfjjhgjfgh I really didn’t expect that AT ALL..... I’m glad that she finds it funny with the whole bop-it joke thing but I’m kinda disappointed. She actually sounded incredible on the singing parts and I loved the tune it’s just that I couldn’t take the repetitive noises seriously :( (I actually laughed on the bus on the way to class because I was in disbelief).... I half like that song I guess? lmfaoooo

7. Successful - I actually thought this track was really cute... I can’t help but sing along to the “im so successful” part. Although it’s kinda odd that I feel like this sound would’ve been something she would’ve done pre-yours truly. It’s very whimsical and reminds me of Voodoo Love. I think the lyrics are a letdown though, I was hoping for an inspiring song about working hard to be successful but we only got a bit of that in the chorus (which honestly felt forced because the song’s mainly about a guy anyway lmfaooo) :// disappointed but not surprised

8. Everytime - LOVE. This one definitely stood out to me, I love the chorus so much. I felt like this is the sound I’ve wanted her to make for the longest time. I don’t really know how else to describe this track but I’m just so happy. It’s gorgeous.

9. Breathin - On my first listen... I wanted to cry. Only 2 other songs on her discography has made me cry before - Thinking Bout You and Honeymoon Avenue. The first few lines on this track resonated with me so much :( and when the chorus came in... holy shit... hearing that chorus was one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever experienced.... definitely my favourite on the album right now. It’s perfect (lyrics-wise and sound-wise).

10. No Tears Left To Cry - I don’t think I’ll ever get over this song and the whole upside-down concept. It’s such a beautiful track and the perfect choice as a first single. I like the balance - I think the simple and repetitive “picking it up” parts made for an even more powerful and surprising chorus. Also the background harmonies make me emotional.

11. Borderline - I liked that this sounded like early 2000s music lmao I think it’s a great track overall but it didn’t really stick with me :/ I do like her vocals on this track, it just feels like her voice was naturally made for this sound. Wish missy had more lines!!!

12. Better Off - The first thing that came to my mind was that she sounded like Jhene Aiko (can that collab please happen)??? I loved this one a lot, it’s pretty short but it’s got a really soft and vulnerable touch to it. The lyrics are honest and I love that it’s on a relatively slower track, I think it makes the whole song much more meaningful. The strings at the end are so pretty and it makes for a really bittersweet ending.

13. Goodnight n Go - I was really excited for this one and I have to say I really like what she’s done with this song and the transitions are so smooth. LOVE THE BRIDGE. It honestly made me emotional on the first listen because I’ve always loved her Imogen covers and to have this cover/remix on her most personal album makes it a lot more special.

14. Pete Davidson - Cute lyrics, nice beat.

15. Get Well Soon - Ooh I really really like the lyrics on this one but I’m not too sure if it’s a song I’d listen to if I’m feeling down lmao... it’s a great track though, I love the layers and harmonies and all its different parts. It’s the sound she’s always strived for (compare to her looping station videos) and I’m so glad you can really hear it here. I think it’s a perfect conclusion to the album too.

overall thoughts: I actually feel like this album is more cohesive than the others were - there’s an overarching theme and the sound wasn’t too different throughout the tracks. I love the overall quality - the mix of pop & R&B is perfect for her, her vocals feel so natural and soothing and you can really hear the harmonies and layers on this album which I appreciate. It’s also refreshing to hear something different. It’s sad to see bops go but i love that this album has more depth. Of course it has its disappointments but I’m glad that she took a risk with this album regardless!!