#had an ED because he actually is trans and likes to feel smaller and empty or at least never too full aaand oh gosh so many details…

[the-closested-bisexual-himbo]

(The updated/edited version on my Ao3 chapter 2 and name: ¿Pretty boy?)

Summary: MtF Steve/Billy

Steve has a bit of body image issues and eating issues so ⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING FOR THAT!!!⚠️⚠️

((Inspired by a gif set that I found of how Steve always gives his food away to Tommy or whatever and I got emo about it cause ima dumb sad boy))

I started writing the story in the middle of a rewatch of Young Royals when this idea just came to me. had no intention on writing this much and yeah it just got away from me. Steve is weird with food and basically has an eating disorder fueled by the internal struggles of trying to admit to things about being trans excuse it for being messy or all over the place. Lol

Yo I caaant stop thinking about Billy and Steve becoming kiiiinda buddy buddy after coach makes them partner up until they “squash the beef” and their doin their workout drills during practice. Taking turns holding the others feet for crunches while they actually start talkin, initially jokes but they lead to “yeah my old man sucks too” type bonding talk filled with genuine smirks and laughs shared. Gettin more and more about their shared trauma.. and oh man the trauma bonding feels so good cause they both never thought they’d have someone who’d understand them.

After practice they go to one another’s house cause as they jokingly put it “well we know no ones gonna be home and if they are well we’ll just go some other place cause we know they won’t miss us” haha. And Billy tries to help Steve out with tips on how to bulk up but Steve always politely, turns the lightest hint of pink as he brushes it off. But man, why does Billy have to call him small, and dainty “like a girl” every time he brings it up. Cause, fuck, Steve hates that his heart always catches with his stomach with out fail every time as Billy, none the wiser keeps goin on and on about how he’s gotta bulk “his boy” up now that a real man like himself is on the team or he’ll “wipe the floor with you little bitchs”….

(Stop here read the tags I started writings the story in them, then come back here and read this next long bit lmfaoooo jumbled order cause I had nooo intention on writing this much but yeah got away from me. Don’t worry yall I promise I’ll get this actually written up into a nice sized lil fic )

(Ooooops soooo I zoned out and got carried away vibing n started to write the fic in the tags while watching young royals again with my mom (sorry if I miss gender Steve in the middle ground area before she comes out and it’s a mess in the finished version ima have my shit together but rn I’m just getting it out half minded didn’t even mean to write so much and then I did in the tags to the point where I reached my limit oop soooo I’ll have to finish it haha sorryyy cliffhanger was Steve finally ends up comfortable enough to talk about that first day and Billy’s all like “So we gonna talk about how you were jealous of your girlfriend and wanting her body in the least sexual way ooor..” and Steve figures it out and has to tip toe around the words and is scared to say it but Billy plays dumb just to get clarification aaaand Steve’s like “I-I like…. Wanna be.. *sigh* I wanna be like her.. I wanna be..” and Steve’s trembling with the pace of hyperventilating like breath, looks from the floor to Billy and is like “you know?… you have to know..” and Billy keeps fishing, wants to hear the truth out loud not for his own sake of course but Steve’s. “Just say what you mean Steve, go ahead, I’m here for you.. I swear I’m not goin anywhere, but you gotta say it” and Steves tearing up a bit as Billy urges “just breath, it’s okay, it’ll be okay, tell me.” And they’re both all vulnerable, locked in the others stare and Steve just follows Billys direction breathes and says “I-I (closes eyes and tears roll down) I’m a, girl” and then looks away, down to the floor. Eyes dewy nose gone a little red along with her eyes. Too anxious to see Billys reaction but feeling relieved all the same to have finally said it aloud and at that, another person and on top of that, being his enemy turned best friend turned crush.

Billy feel such a mix of emotions watching Steve looking off, fearing the worst he wondered to himself, Steve didn’t deserve to feel any level of worry or fear especially for just being.. uh, herself, he thought the air felt weighted in silence and he couldn’t stop himself from stirring it up by striding to Steve who still averting her gaze began to flinchingly step back. “Hey, you.. you don’t have to be scared of me Harrington.. i meant what I said, I’m not going anywhere.. aaand, it’s going to be okay.” And Steve meets his eyes for a moment before looking back down to the side as Billy closes the rest of the distance between them. “Guess this means I should call you pretty girl now?..” Billy says smiling trying to lighten the thick air. And Steve’s blushing and swallowing awkwardly as his breath hitches. Billy tries to ignore how causing Steve to be like that makes him feel and just clears his throat to say “look you don’t ever have to feel.. embarrassed or uncomfortable with me really I’m always here.. we’re all we got man-I mean fuck um, I meant that in the exclamation not like.. but still I’m sorry I’ll try to be more careful. Wh-what would you prefer I say?” And Steve feels so hot because oh my god he’s actually not running away but coming closer, Billy’s consoling her rather then berating or bullying her. And, fuck, he-he really cares like reeeally cares and nothings ever been like this in Steve’s whole life and for a moment it almost feels like a kiss was inevitable between them but Steve couldn’t bring himself to even look at him and figured Billy wouldn’t.. would he?… “um, it’s okay man we talk like that, ya know the dude and bro and man exclamation is our thing I like that and don’t want us to change that, but… I guess when it’s just us I wouldn’t mind if you tossed in that… ‘pretty girl’ thing.” And suddenly it feels like actual fire now and if this kiss doesn’t happen soon all the oxygen will cease to exist in this room. suddenly Billy’s hand is on the side of her face gently so they’re faces meet. “Look at me” Billy whispers so close Steve feels the faint breath on her face and she’s out of breath, it catches like she’s drunk on the moment as her heavy lidded eyes finally meet with his and she can tell the second they do that she’s not alone in the need, the want filling the room.) aaand.

That’s where I’ll end it tonight sorryyyy but ima work on this one for sure it’s very close to home for me haha sooo yeah. Again sorry about any misgendering in the in between in the tags I’ll go back and fix it most likely the day after tom I have a family event tom.

[allanamayer]

Libraries and room rentals.

I was at a bit of a loss to contribute to the fiasco that is public libraries letting hate groups book their rooms. Mainly because the most important things have already been said:

But, since that blog post went up, something new happened! All credit goes to the law librarian @Jenifesto on Twitter - I saw the case via Sam Popowich:

h/t to law librarian extraordinaire @Jenifesto who actually found the case. https://t.co/DAukfygjUu

— das Gespenst des Kommunismus (@redlibrarian)

October 19, 2019

If you don’t feel like reading CanLii (and really, who does) there’s also an Ottawa Citizen article from September, when the decision came down:

https://ottawacitizen.com/news/local-news/court-upholds-librarys-decision-to-cancel-screening-of-controversial-film

The main points here are: community room rentals are not part of a “library’s core service” and therefore not subject to the same kind of scrutiny that a public institution fulfilling its mandate might normally be. What that apparently means is that a library can book or cancel room rentals at its complete and total discretion, beholden to none.

That means public libraries can write their own room rental policies, adhere to or change said policies at will, and basically ignore anyone who asks them to do otherwise.

In this particular case, OPL cancelled a booking (a film screening) based on a clause in their own room rental policy, which says they have discretion to cancel based on whether an event will or likely will promote hatred. Of course, libraries can reserve the right to cancel any booking at their own discretion, not subject to appeal, etc., if they want to - they can write that into their policies at any time. It will certainly save you the legal fees & committee time on writing the rest of it.

It’s important to note that by OPL's own standard the “will or likely will” was fairly cut and dried given that it was a film screening. You know the full content in advance, you can judge pretty quickly (as the article says, a 30-second googling) how it’s gonna play out. So, this case neatly sidesteps the “What if a convicted Nazi is making the booking? He might not say anything hateful while he’s there! He might not even be a Nazi anymore!” question of the TPL memorial service last year. If your library has a very specific policy written to delicately handle nuance and appear equitable and legally-adherent, rather than a solid “We unilaterally determine your eligibility, period” statement, you may run aground of some of these things.

Were room booking policies before last month written as though room booking is a core library service and therefore subject to the public policy of being open and equitable to all? Yes, they certainly were. Is TPL’s definitely boneheaded and possibly bigoted refusal to hurdle themselves over on to the right side of history a bit silly given this new ruling? Yes, it certainly is.

It’s commendable that a library considers itself to be working to support freedom of expression even in areas where the law does not dictate it do so, but it’s also 2019 and Nazis are everywhere - a very clear and detailed understanding of freedom of expression and its specifics exemptions & Charter overrides is required if you’re going to Do That Work. Some libraries are making it abundantly clear that they’re either ignoring that requirement, or they’re using a semblance of ignorance to pursue a hateful agenda. There really are no excuses at this point: they all have lawyers, and those lawyers all know how to research. The decision to err on the side of “Don’t get sued by fascists” seems particularly chickenshit given TPL is the largest library system in North America and can marshall the resources and support required to fight that fight on behalf of every smaller library, setting a useful and meaningful precedent that will go a lot further than the minor decisions of the many boards and committees their executives sit on. But no matter: Ottawa Public Library did it, and wouldn’t you have it, that handy little decision is going to become inordinately useful to crafting policies from here on out.

TPL's extremely conservative stand has actively damaged its relationship with its patrons, which is extremely irresponsible for whoever is doing the decision-making. Of course, they’ve fully Barbara-Streisand-ed themselves now and are doubling-down on their bad decisions, so there’s nothing to be done about this particular event. But the media shitstorm that’s raining down on them right now is also a precedent of its own, and hopefully smaller libraries can learn from this mistake.

----

Now that the major point is out of the way, let's discuss some interesting tidbits.

What might your library do if you wanted to support and uphold freedom of expression in ways that don't benefit Nazis? Well, there's always teaching yourselves (staff) and then others (the public) about Charter rights! Programming around what does and does not constitute hate speech might be a bit touchy, especially for sharing explicit examples with a variety of audiences, but it's well worth an attempt.

If you can't bring yourself to that level of ambition you can always program and educate more generally. You can teach people how to express themselves and where to do so - online, in petitions, with letters to their elected representatives, by organizing into groups, with press releases, with posters, with self-publishing, with zines!

The other big exception to freedom of expression is defamation. There is LOTS to be learned by everyone here, from the basic definitions and existing court cases to the ongoing issues with SLAPP lawsuits and jurisdictional leniencies. What are some cases where potentially defamatory messages were protected because they were a matter of public importance? How can people protect themselves from SLAPP lawsuits while still speaking on issues of public good? Can the library hook people up with legal help?

These are things that Nazis may benefit from too, but it can't hurt to educate the populace at the same time.

You can also avail yourselves of your Section 15-2 rights to provide affirmative action - to not just provide spaces and services free of discrimination but to offer special amelioration of the conditions of disadvantaged individuals. That means safe spaces! Women-only groups! Cultural meetups! Trans meetups! Support for youth experiencing discrimination! An accessibility advisory group!

Another thing I just want to duly note is that room rentals and their subsequent cancellation are not censorship. Libraries are not the only places that allow public events, and refusing library space to a group doesn't mean they can't find it elsewhere. There is no denial of freedom of expression if a library says "Nah, no thanks," although if you hold out until the last possible moment and make it impossible for them to rebook elsewhere on the same date, they might have a contractual issue to take up with you. So, please don't dither about and then end up in that situation.

If you find yourselves in the position of only finding out quite late the kind of things that have been booked, you can head this off at the pass by making your room booking more stringent and requiring more information from applicants. They may of course mislead you but then you can probably sue THEM so it's fun all round.

Okay okay in all seriousness, only a few rather large and privileged libraries have space for rent anyways, but it can be challenging to find staffing and resources to really vet your bookings. It will be impossible to weed out violent and hateful applicants 100% of the time. There is never a solution that doesn't negatively impact other groups in your community, from not offering rentals at all to requiring stringent application information. Even OPL wasn't able to screen applicants adequately until there was a public outcry.

Given that this is going to keep Being A Thing now that fascists nationwide have cottoned on to the concept, you had better prepare for swift response to the organizers' own public announcements. You will find out from a Facebook event or from a Twitter DM from a concerned citizen. You will need to act quickly and decisively and thank those who inform you, and apologize for the limited resources that did not allow you to know sooner. You will need to hold a public messaging line and not budge. You will need to reaffirm your library's number one priority is the safety and security of your most marginalized and vulnerable community members. And you'll need to walk the talk, too, by having other examples and evidence of that support. You will need to trust your public and work with their eyes and ears as your guides, listen to and learn from their concerns and perspectives - not scowl and turn aside when they try to make your work better.

Oh yeah, and under no circumstances should you try to pay people off. Don't do this.

I got a msg from TPL space rentals telling me the City Librarian wanted to reimburse the booking fee for the launch of #IPromise as a "gesture of goodwill." You can't pay me to accept your empty gestures and superficial goodwill. #TransRightsAreHumanRights pic.twitter.com/ZVN6Neyoci

— Catherine Hernandez (@theloudlady) October 25, 2019