#I’m not gonna go off about this more bc plenty of people have said my thoughts in better ways but I rlly hope Hoyo does smth abt this

[slooshee]

Oh… that’s Sunday’s ENG VA doubling down on his support for Chris Niosi

[slut4msby]

first kiss. miya osamu x reader

+ tags & warnings; not proofread & v rushed </3 also like quiet a lot of swearing (mainly just the use of the word 'shit')

+ a/n; day 6/7!! one more day to go before i go take a LONGGGG nap (i wish :<) but yeah this isn't the best written but here u go bc im on my osamu shit atm <3

“So you’re seriously telling me, THE Miya Osamu has never kissed anyone?” You teased the now embarrassed dark harder boy. “Like THE Miya Osamu, like brother to like the schools biggest flirt Miya Atsumu? What’s next your brother hasn’t either? I always knew the Miya twins were FULL of surprises but this, THIS is new.”

“Ew, I don’t wanna know who my brother is kissing and shit.” He said defensively.

“Why?” You questioned.

“Whaddya mean why? Because it’s weird he is like my brother I don’t wanna know what girls he’s snogging and sh-”

“No, I mean like why haven’t ya kissed anyone ‘Samu?” You cut his ramble off, “like I’m sure there's plenty of girls willing to, you have just as many fangirls as Atsumu, just his are louder and more annoying. And apart from that there’s no denying you're an attractive man. I mean you take care of yourself as well.”

“I-I don’t know, Y/N. What I do know is I don’t wanna kiss some fangirl or some shit, I want it to be with someone I care about I guess.”

“Awww 'Samu, that's so cute.” You gushed at his response.

“Shut it, Y/N.” 

As the conversation comes to halt the school bell rings, ending your first break of the day. “I’ll see ya later, ‘Samu. You smile walking down the hall to your class. You sit in your seat next to Osamu’s twin brother, Atsumu.

“Hey, Y/N-chan~” He says as you sit down.

“Hey ‘Tsumu? Ya know ‘Samu has never kissed anyone, like isn’t that just kinda bizarre. Like he’s funny, a good cook, handsome, good at sport ya know what more could a girl want? Like I know he’s seen women and shit but I dunno it’s just weird, I kinda feel bad.” You say towards Atsumu.

“If ya care so much Y/N, why don’t you just kiss him or something? I’m sure that’d shut him up. Ya both never shut up about each other, it’s kinda annoying.” 

“He talks about me?!” You say with a pink stain spreading across your face.

“Did ya hear what Y/N-chan said earlier, did you see Y/N-chan today, I think I’m gonna bring Y/N-chan some food tomorrow, Y/N-chan this, Y/N- chan that and every time I tell him to shut his trap.” Atsumu sighed, placing his head in his hands, “and yer not any better Y/N.”

“I don’t talk about him that much.” You say crossing your arms, frowning at Atsumu. Atsumu just rolled his eyes in response. Not long after your teacher began teaching her lesson, you couldn’t stop thinking about the twins' words. “If ya care so much Y/N, why don’t you just kiss him”  “to be with someone I care about I guess” “Ya both never shut up about each other”. There was certainly no denying your attraction to the silver haired twin. But in your years of knowing him, neither of you showed any romantic interest in each other. You had both seen a range of people, every breakup the same. Ending with one comforting the other, “they were such a dick anyway” or “I never really liked them to begin with.”

As the school day concluded, you decided to watch the volleyball teams practice. A common occurrence at this point.

“Oh hey, Y/N.” Suna said as he entered the gym, Osamu behind him. Osamu looked up to give you a smile, which you returned. No hey or hug like you were used to. There was something different about Osamu this time.

As you watched the boys practice, you would have some casual conversation with the team. Giggling and smiling, but never Osamu. It was always Osamu, but not since your conversation earlier.

Eventually Osamu was alone for the first time the whole practice, so you decided to confront him on his weird behaviour. “‘Samu?” You ask softly, his head poking up to look at you, “you’re acting weird, is everything okay?”

“Yeah I’m fine, Y/N. Just a little stressed, school and all that,” He mumbled softly before returning back to practise leaving you dumbfounded. 

“You know that’s not the reason right, Y/N?” Suna said from behind you. Causing you to look behind you, giving him a look of curiosity. “Apparently Atsumu sent him a message earlier, I dunno what it was exactly about but it was something about you that’s for sure.” After Suna finished speaking he grabbed his water bottle and walked away.

You couldn’t focus on the last part of their practices, instead you were left wondering from Suna’s words. As practice concluded, you could hear the Miya’s bickering as you began leaving before Osamu called out to you, “Y/N-chan!” You stop in your tracks turning to face the twin jogging towards you, “can we talk for a second, please?”

“Oh sure.”

You and Osamu walked in silence, an awkward silence in drastic contrast to the usual comfortable silence before reaching a private area.

“I uhm- about earlier I’m sorry for like acting weird…” he said fiddling with his fingers, “it’s just ‘Tsumu sent me a stupid text and It’s just like bothering me and-”

“Osamu.” You cut him off, looking at him in the face, “can I kiss you? I know you said you wanted it to be someone you care about-”

Your words were cut off as Osamu placed his hand on your chin, pulling you closer before your lips collided. The world seemed to fade away as your lips met, a fusion of unspoken emotions and shared history. As you both pulled away, heat rising on both of your faces. Before Osamu let out a chuckle, “did ‘Tsumu get you too?”

“Mhm. Glad he did though.” You say wrapping your arms around, Osamu. 

“Fucking finally. You owe me some puddin’.” Atsumu said towards Suna, who just rolled his eyes in response.

©slut4msby.

[ratwife77]

well if you're ok with itt

darry and twobit getting into a physical fight (bc greasers), darry realizing he liked taking his anger out on him, and promptly feeling like the worst person alive for like a week and can't even look at twobit even tho he doesnt care and is back joking around like an hour after the fight LOL

Just letting you know my fight scenes aren’t great so it’s gonna start with the aftermath of it, also I’m sorry in advance idk how Dallas got involved here and there is a minor minor oc also this may be put on ao3, this is a sort of rough draft subject to change, I hope you enjoy

What on Earth is the matter with me, I thought, sure I was nuts. Of course I’d fought before, but it was only for pride. I didn’t just like hurting people. But when Two-Bit and I were going at it, I felt angry. Not at him, but I was taking it out on him, there was no doubt about it. Looking over at him, cackling over his own joke, I knew that he was probably just hiding feeling bad. He hid plenty under witty comments and put-on smiles. My gut twisted at that, and I couldn’t look at him anymore, feeling sick with myself as I washed the dishes. Cleaning up gave me plenty of time to think about all I’d done, and I just clenched my fists harder the more I thought about it.

When he eventually left, I was still trying to rationalize it all, but I figured I at least owed him a goodbye. “Bye, Two-Bit.”

He called one back and headed off.

It was messed up, feeling glad that he was gone, but I was. I couldn’t bear facing him. My buddy, who I enjoyed hurting. Ain’t that just awful? But I did have to go to bed and be ready for work in the morning, so I tried to sleep. My mind was racing, though, and sleep just wasn’t coming no matter how hard I tried. Deciding that I may as well be productive while I was awake, I sat at the table and paid the bills that I’d been planning on doing tomorrow. It took me an hour or two longer than usual, though, because I couldn’t focus like I wanted.

When I’d finally finished, I laid back down and shut my eyes, finally passing out, exhausted. Thank the Lord, I got up on time and got to work with no trouble. Robert, a guy from the roofing business, probably five years older than me, said, “You don’t look too good. You okay?”

I cursed myself for being so obvious. “Right as rain, thanks for asking.”

Carefully, I made myself at least look right, though I couldn’t get myself to stop thinking about the mess with Two. Damn it, I thought, I’m the worst person in Tulsa.

I went on thinking like that for a good week or so, but one night, Dally came to our house, looking for a place to lay over for the night. Letting him in, I asked if he was hungry, telling him we had leftovers. He gave me a real funny look. “I’m starving.” Slowly, he looked over me, looking like he was about to say something. I grabbed a plate from the counter, then pulled out the leftovers, fixing him some. For a moment, I was distracted, focusing on helping him.

“Darry, you look like you’ve been through the mill.” Blunt as ever, he had his eyebrows scrunched together and I felt bare. Usually, I held it together, but nothing weighed me down more than worry and guilt. At least Pony hadn’t noticed, I guess. But now, I’m not sure if he just wasn’t sure about asking. Soda had asked, and he looked worried, but I brushed him off.

I hadn’t answered quick enough, accidentally giving myself away. “You haven’t looked right since we were all over last week.. Ain’t ya been eatin’ and sleepin’?”

“Sure I have, Dally.”

“What is it, then? You’re Superman, you can’t be like this over nothin’.”

Eventually, he wore me down enough to tell him. I think he thought I was being ridiculous.

But he insisted, “Shoot, it’s a good way to blow off steam. Me and Tim do it all the time.” As if he could see my hesitation, he continued, “You ought to calm down. It ain’t a big deal. Buddies fight sometimes, keeps us sane.”

I realized that I’d taken it too seriously, and I’d been too hard on myself. Slowly, it became easier to look at Two-Bit and to roughhouse.

——————————————————————————

Also I would’ve done Tim instead of Dally but honestly it would have been wayyyy out of character so I think this is better quality

[babamiasworld]

Something About Him || Part 1

Human!Bully!Ao’nung x Fem!Reader (Highschool AU)

Summary: you and your younger brother had recently transferred to a new school after your dad got a job in another state. your brother is trying to be positive abt this change but you weren’t a big fan of change, and your family new that this move was going to be really tough on you, but they new better than to confront your newfound attitude, but how long will it last?

Content Warnings: angst, slow burn, (light)bullying, enemies to lovers, (y/n) is kinda a bitch in this LMAOO bc me too🤭, random capitalisation bc m’lazy, a lot of swearing

Additional Character Glossary:

Tirotay = ur younger brother

A/N: this fic is heavily inspired by @yunaloona‘s highschool AU fic series but i really need some of that angst and drama so i’m doing my own version 😫😜- but def go check their one out if ya want something short and sweet xx. ➥ also i’m writing this as someone who is aroace, so i HATE when the deal is sealed, so i ain’t gonna give y’all closure easy mk🤭

—————————-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-—————————

The sound of a muffled voice pulled me out of my dream before i could even recall it, my eyes groggily opening to a painfully bright light, my eyes tracing the worn wallpaper and towards the figure standing in the doorway; Tirotay.

“(y/n), c’mon, mom said to get up now or you’ll have to catch the bus to school.” he spouted firmly, before sauntering down the hall…leaving the door wide open.

“uugGHHH- close my damn door bro!” I yelled, while knowing full well he wasn’t gonna come back to close it, so i shot up from my bed, already pissed off and slammed my door, tuning around i was able to take a look at my new room. besides a few unpacked boxes here and there, my room was pretty much the way i wanted, which made this place a little less bad. my favourite of course being my tall bed, with a disheveled display of a soft quilt, decorated with an embroidery design, topped with a modest amount of silk covered pillows piled at the headboard; undeniably being the centrepiece of the room, i would GLADLY stay in that bed all day if that was a choice.

I lazily through on some clothes, more concerned with comfortability rather than style; it’s not like i was trying to dress to impress, i don’t care about what these people think of me to be honest, and im only going to school so i can get my graduation certificate and that’s it. i don’t need friends, i already have plenty from back home, so i don’t need anymore.

after brushing my teeth and hair i head downstairs to the kitchen to grab the lunch mom made for us, shoving it in my bag.

“(y/n)! are you ready yet babe? we gotta go!” mom shouted from the living room.

“yup- im ready now! i’ll be waiting in the car!”

————

you and your brother had both already done orientation day and just headed towards the office to get our schedule, both silently praying we still knew how to get there from memory. reaching the principals office we we greeted with two happy faces.

the principal slightly perked up at our presence, “(y/n), Tirotay, it’s nice to see you again.” after we exchanged pleasantries, she handed us our timetables and gestured to the sweet looking girl standing next to her and continued. “this is Tsireya, she will be your guide.”

“Hello! it’s nice to meet you both!” Tsireya chirped, followed by a short wave and a smile.

“Hi, it’s nice to meet you too.” i quietly replied with a nod. looking over at my brother who was avoiding her gaze entirely, rolling my eyes I turned my attention back to Tsireya, who giggled in response.

“Ok, let’s get you two to your homeroom class.” Tsireya gestured to follow her.

———

“alright aaand this is your homeroom (y/n)! you have Mr. Samual, so you’re definitely one of the lucky ones- hes really nice.” she whispered the last part, “and hey if you need someone to hang out with at lunch, you’re more than welcome to come sit with me!” she offered.

“thanks- appreciate the offer.” I gave a simple nod and then walked into my classroom. ‘so much for not making friends…’ i thought to myself, but she was so nice, and that made it really difficult to not reciprocate.

————

The bell rang pulling me out of my dazed thoughts, civil war history was never really my favourite. the teacher was saying something about homework, though i really couldn’t care less, packing my stuff away in my bag and making my way out of the classroom, swinging my bag over my shoulder.

walking into the cafeteria was a little daunting, but thankfully i didn’t draw too much attention. i saw Tsireya eating next to a few of her friends, but i decided against going up to them, I was more comfortable by myself anyway. Scanning over the cafeteria once again, I noticed a side door leading outside, so i tried my best to not be seen sneaking out.

outside wasn’t anything breathtaking, but it was empty, which was all i needed. i leisurely, walked up to a tree in the distance, setting myself down and grabbing my lunch from my bag. pulling my phone from my pocket, i leaned it against my bag, putting my headphones in and choosing a random youtube video that looked entertaining enough.

a few minutes passed as i mindlessly ate my food, though my thoughts were interrupted by laughing, i look up to see a collective group of boys holding their stomachs. at first i didn’t give a fuck, but then i saw someone amongst the group who didn’t look too happy; a girl. i paused my video to hear what they were saying.

“Leave me alone!” she shouted, though falling on deaf ears, as their smug demeanours didn’t falter.

“Awww the little freak wants us to stop..” one of the boys taunted, getting up in her face, “If you don’t like the way we’re treating you, why don’t you just call your big brother to come save you~ orrr you could just run off and cry like you did last time.” his words causing the girl to grimace, as the rest of the boys laughed.

i had seen enough- already stopping off towards them, a scowl painting my features. the boys kept circling her like vaulters, the boy who insulted her before clearly was the main perpetrator, the other boys looking like nothing other than his “minions”.

“HA-! look! the freak’s starting to cry again!” he scoffed, expressing fake sympathy towards the girl. “I’m sorry we hurt your wittle feelin-”

he was cut off after i shoved him away from the girl. “what the hell is wrong with you? Do you seriously have nothing better to do?” i scolded, a disgusted look taking over my features. he looked at me up-and-down, clearly offended that i had ruined his fun.

“who the hell are you?” he spat, looking at me, as if I was the scum of the earth.

“who am i? who the fuck are you? honestly, you think with all that forehead you got you’d have a big enough brain to comprehend common decency, but i suppose i can’t be surprised, since in seems your skull is so fucking thick, it makes sense that you never had a lot of brain growth.” i spat, the boy in front of me now seething.

one of the other boys stepped towards me but was halted by his leader. “c’mon ao’nung, these bitches aren’t worth it.” another boy spoke, causing the boy he was talking to to scoff, staring you down before turning around and walking away, his little followers tagging along behind him.

ao’nung…that was a name you wouldn’t forget anytime soon.

after they had left i immediately turned around to check on the girl. “Hey, are you ok?” i asked, slight worry crossing my face. the girl looked at the concrete, blinking away frustrated tears.

“yeah i’m fine,” she meakly spoke, looking up at me, “thank you…for that.”

“of course.” i smiled, given her a nod of acknowledgement. my eyes trailed down to the girls bag, a green crocheted tote bag with a flower in the centre. “I like your bag. It’s very pretty.” gesturing to it.

she gave a shy smile, eyes focused on it as her grip on the strap tightened. “thank you, i made it myself.” her eyes meeting mine again. “my name’s kiri by the way.” she said with a smile, which i immediately returned.

“name’s (y/n). nice to meet you.”

—————————-ˋˏ ༻❁༺ ˎˊ-—————————

Part 2

[kolsmikaelson]

hey guys!! it's been a long few months that i've been gone (i can’t remember when exactly i started being inactive but that’s not the point) and i've been missing this hellsite so much in the time that i’ve been gone. there wasn’t ever really a reason for me going ia all of the sudden but what i do know is that my mental state definitely needed a longer break from here, and while i'm still not in the best place mentally i still wanted to hop back on here and give a bit of an update on my life and my blog and try to be a bit more active like i used to be.

writing and the future of this blog —

as i mentioned before, i haven't been in the best mental state lately but i’ve decided i want to try and come back here and start writing again! i love writing and i think getting back into it and getting into the groove of things here would help me out some. now with that being said, i’ll be going through who i write for and updating things, unfortunately this also means a new taglist most likely but if you’d rather i have a writing sideblog where i reblog all of my fics so if that’s more your thing go ahead and follow it @rodrickhefley !! i’ll still be writing for and posting about hockey so don’t worry about that, but i also want to try writing for other things (such as ted lasso, star wars, scream, avatar, hotd, etc.)  i have a few things up my sleeve at the moment but none are quite ready to see the light of day unfortunately. i’m hoping to gain some new, active mutuals from this as well :). i’m gonna be trying out some different formats for my fics so when there’s inconsistencies please ignore that! i’ll also be doing some social media aus / insta posts again!! with all of this being said, i've decided to either post all of the requests that are currently sitting in my inbox so that another writer can take over and write it or delete them all. i may or may not keep a few depending on if i feel inspired by them or not but we’ll see what i decide:) (poll maybe??)

personal life — 

my life has been an absolute rollercoaster of events since about mid april i’d say? ever since then i’ve been so incredibly busy and haven’t had a moment of peace honestly but now that i’ve got more time i’m back!!! i turned eighteen back in july, woohoo!! so i’ve been trying to figure out how to navigate life as a real adult now. it’s been going somewhat okay, i’m not in college at the moment (won’t dive too deep into this bc it’s so scary but i’ll have plenty of time to write fics so ;) ). part of my absence here was caused by the fact that i started getting really active on twitter, where i went through so much shit but also made a pretty good friend group!! a few days back i took a trip and saw arctic monkeys in concert (i had tickets for over a year and it was well worth it) . it was such a fantastic show!!! i’ve not got much of an update other than that so if you enjoyed my rambling and made it this far thank you sm. i’ve missed it here <3. 

also, not sure when this happened but thank you all sm for 1.8k followers?? that’s so crazy to me but it means so much <33

since i'm not sure which of my moots are active anymore i’ll just tag who i can think of off the top of my head — @ilyasorokinn @2manytabsopen @ang3lik @angryblondechick @boqvistsbabe @timstuetzle @lavenderacademia @conniesanchor @stfukie @sunshinefarabees @hockstuff @typical-simplelove @dmonchld + i know i'm probably missing so many people but it's been so long i don't remember everybodys usernames anymore

[dastardlydandelion]

SPOILER! SCREAM 6 REVIEW WITH SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU DON’T WANT SPOILERS ALSO I AM HIGH.

my thoughts and feelings on scream vi. i have a lot of them!

boy howdy, that was a ride! so overall I enjoyed it a lot! gonna start out with the positives before i leap into the negatives.

spoilers under the cut!!!

my favorite part was the carpenter sisters, by far. i am aware that there are plenty of people who dislike sam. that’s valid, obvi, people are entitled to their opinions. nevertheless, i do feel like a lot of the hate directed toward her is honestly unfair. hate from billy/sydney shippers who cannot conceive billy having cheated on her even tho he was like, a literal murderer. said shippers angry that their conspiracy theories about sam being sydney’s daughter are just blatantly untrue bc sam is latina, the stu/billy shippers angry that billy evidently enjoyed sex with women outside of using sex to manipulate syd, etc. these are kinda stupid reasons to hate sam, u guys.

now, others were not a fan of sam bc they didn’t care for melissa barrera’s performance in scream 5 and ykw, fair enough. HOWEVER, i would like to interject here that i am personally more forgiving toward some of her wonkier scenes bc i understand what the directors were going for. scream 2022 is a fan movie and sam is a fanfic character brought to screen. her dialogue is what u would read in a middle schooler’s fanfic and that’s…weird but nostalgic, so i get it. this movie was swaddled in nostalgia. also we have to understand sam as a character who intentionally represses her emotions bc of her internal proclivity for violence. much of her performance is restrained until act 3 and while i 100% understand why this didn’t work for some people, it didn’t bother me personally bc i’m sympathetic to the intent behind it.

i was supposed to be spilling my thoughts about scream vi and instead just went off on a tangent about 5. bc context needs context and i can never get to the point without detours and most of my detours involve giving context to the context or covering my bases, for those who potentially wish to poke holes…

ANYWAY. i genuinely enjoyed sam and tara in scream 5. some of my biggest beefs with 5 were the changes to the initial script that decreased the tension between the sisters and robbed us of their familial context. ykw, like amber and tara being romantically involved + amber and sam’s mutual dislike of each other, which would’ve layered amber’s motivations as well as added to the conflict between the sisters. the originally scripted scenes with their mother drunkenly displaying her fear of sam, particularly her fear of sam harming tara, which would’ve helped the audience understand why sam was desperate to leave woodsboro and why sam represses herself so heavily…and here i am still talking about scream 5. but my point is i already loved the sisters and i was very much looking forward to them and seeing how their relationship developed in 6.

and it did not disappoint!! oh my lordy. i love how sam just goes completely into mama bear mode over tara!!! it works so well on so many levels. she wants to protect her because for five years she wasn’t even there, because she spent the most horrible three days of her life nearly losing tara, because their mother and tara are now estranged specifically bc tara chose to allow sam back into her life, and bc she feels like she has to be hyper-vigilant bc tara coped in the opposite direction and chose not to deal with what happened at all.

i loved the push and pull between them, how tara clearly loves sam very much but is straining under her smothering and frustrated bc their coping mechanisms clash with the calamity of a car crash. adore how tara defends sam even when she’s upset with her but i think my very favorite thing was at the end when sam HAS PUT ON HER FATHER’S COSTUME LIKE I HAVE WANTED HER TO FOR FUCKING MONTHS AND STABS BAILEY TWENTY TIMES AND ONLY STOPS HERSELF FROM DELIVERING THE FATAL BLOW WHEN SHE HEARS TARA!!!! AND THEN TARA VISIBLY GIVES HER PERMISSION TO KILL HIM SO SHE UNLEASHES IT AND STABS HIM IN THE FUCKING EYEBALL OH MY GOD.

whew, lotta caps lock, but yeah. yeah, no, i was just that excited. tara didn’t even have to say the words, it was the look in her eyes and the soft tilt of the head and sam knew it would be okay. that was so touching. hands down, my favorite scene. <3 <3 <3

also the storyline surrounding sam? perhaps a tad exaggerated in this horror movie context but not at all unlikely or untrue to life.

a woman who only resorted to violence in retaliation to her more dangerous boyfriend’s violence being DARVO-ed by social media? a woman being turned into the monster of the story while internet fans fawn over and infantilize the man who victimized her? a woman who chose violence only to survive vilified while terminally online fans edit flower crowns onto her actually evil boyfriend’s pics and proclaim his innocence in cutesy fonts??

yeah, that’s pretty fucking familiar. this probably would’ve happened to sam even if billy loomis wasn’t her father, her heritage just makes it 10x easier for people to manipulate the story against her.

this is where the social commentary of the movie is a little ambiguous and i actually prefer it that way. are they calling out scream fans? true crime fans? media misogyny? could be any of the above, take ur pick. i personality interpreted it as a combination of all three.

the subtlety on that front was a breath of fresh air considering so much was…not subtle at all. i greatly enjoyed this film and i adore mindy BUT her explaining the new rules of a “franchise,” was a little bit too much. it’s a scream film so there has to be a scene like that, ofc, but it could’ve been shorter and it didn’t have to spoon-feed us that hard.

speaking of subtly? uh, yeah. i mean, unfortunately bc of unmarked spoilers i knew detective bailey and ethan were ghostfaces. i did not, however, know any of the ghostfaces other than these two, nor did I have any idea what their motive was. but between quinn mentioning the death of a brother and sam getting called from richie’s phone? yeaaaaah, that clicked into place pretty damn fast. soo not subtle, but amusing. amusing so i’m not complaining yet, i actually had a laugh.

now i feel like i’m rambling without direction but my goal was to tackle positives first, so more positives?

the core four. love them. the way their relationship developed in this film was warming and believable to me, even if the character interactions were perhaps more abridged than they should’ve been give the rapid-fire pace of the film. mindy and chad are great, easy to love, and mindy especially is so relatable to me. kirby is back and she got screen time!!!

the minor characters? not too many, but the ones that were here somewhat fleshed out the setting. i would love a fanfic where sam kills date rape frankie. also the owner of the bodega, shoutout to that guy. a kind stranger in a city famous for rudeness, he dead ass lost his life trying to help our leading ladies. he looked away from ghostface to get his keys so they could unlock the door. r.i.p bodega owner.

the kills! everyone is raving about the kills and i am also a fan. not without my nitpicks, i wish maybe a couple would’ve been more creative BUT mostly i am pleased. i love gore and there was more gore. the ladder scene delivered on the suspense that was promised to us, oh my. my heart was pounding the entire time and altho were barely got to know anika, i truly felt for her. bleeding, scared, doing her best to hold on, gazing at mindy through a blur of tears and panic as she moans, “I don’t want to die, i don’t want to die.” 😢

that said i was hoping the kills might be a tad more creative? it was mostly just a lot of stabbing. which. yes, ghostface stabs. the franchise is famous for the buck 120, which i can attest is a very sharp knife— i have used it to stab through frozen meat and not only did it go right through the package, the tip of the knife got embedded in the table. which is okay bc it’s an old table with a ton of stains and it’s already beat to hell, but that’s not the point. THE POINT, lmao. unintentional pun, I swear! but idk, i was hoping for some variety especially bc the trailers kept emphasizing that this ghostface was “different.”

many of my predictions were correct but where they did manage to surprise me, they really surprised me! like the first killer unmasking himself right after her killed laura?? i gasped! the choreography of the fights in the shrine, dude! i loved the carpenter sisters + chad taking on the ghostface how they did it as a pack. that was awesome! and then chad is gonna finish ‘I’m off and BOOM, the second one pops out! the way the ghostfaces take chad down was brutal but also, like they’re twinning?? the dual knife swipe was spooky and this is genius when we find out that these two are actually twins. or…I think they are? they’re siblings at least, i wanna think twins bc I’m pretty sure the characters are supposed to be the same age even tho the actress who plays quinn is a few years older irl.

misc fun things: jason watching jason takes manhattan in his apartment. mindy’s fashion sense. kirby eating. ethan is not dressed in blue plaid like the ghostfaces before him, but he is wearing red plaid over a blue shirt, so close enough. nancy loomis finally being acknowledged as sam’s murderous grandma. gale dodging sam’s punch just to get hit by tara, pffft. last but not least, ALL THE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES. 😍

those were all the positives. but balance is balance so as much as i loved this film, i still have to touch on the negatives.

the killers? i was right about the anti-dewey angle, but i’d pegged the wrong pig. kirby reed, i formally apologize for ever suspecting u. i appreciate the anti-dewey angle with detective bailey and that being a cop gives him power and authority that ghostfaces before him did not have. but the motive reveal complicates things and it’s pretty convoluted and too convenient the way these ghostfaces were able to worm into our cautious protagonists’ lives. i know let some things slide because of bailey’s aforementioned social power by virtue of being a cop, but this is over the top. i have so many questions. did the siblings go to college just to follow the survivors? they all have fake names?? how did they find out about jason and greg? how is the *whole* family like this?

ur telling me richie’s entire fam indulged his stab obsession to the point of them not only accepting his being a serial killer, but becoming ghostfaces to honor him in their vengeance driven kill spree??

umm…yeah, this is all a little too kookaburra for me. but i will say i liked their style. i like that they actually seemed to be bringing the costume to life. the ghostface costume was originally packaged in-universe as the “father death” costume, it’s the grim reaper by another name. and these ghost faces were actually kind of swooping around like a reaper, an angel of death. cannot emphasize enough how much i loved the twinning with the knife wipe and just like, having multiple ghostfaces onscreen in general. i am too high right now to look up the actress’s name who played quinn but kudos to her for chewing the scenery once she unmasked. but some of their choices didn’t make sense to me. why did ethan help mindy after quinn wounded her? why was a target put on anika’s back at all??

so…more negatives?

um…let’s talk about suspension of disbelief for a moment. we all have to have some of that when watching slasher films and movies wouldn’t be movies if we expected them to be exactly like real life. i like to think that as long as a movie follows its own logic, i have a pretty healthy suspension of disbelief. i can accept the improbable in the scream ‘verse…but not the impossible.

u know what’s impossible?? chad surviving that. fml. yeah, no, that guy’s internal organs are soup. it’s even a stretch that he survived scream 5 since amber clearly slashed open his femoral artery even before she stabbed his guts, but this???? chad was being carved up by two ghostfaces and blood was dead ass gushing from his mouth like a waterfall. i love chad, truly, i do, but his survival was insane, i can’t accept that.

on that note, i found it frustrating that the injuries in this movie were seemingly only as severe as the storyline wanted them to be. again, it’s a movie so we have to have a level of suspension of disbelief and that’s fair! i can accept people being more durable on the screen than in real life but where they lose me is when they’re keeping semi close to reality in one scene and totally ignoring it in the next. anika loses a lot of blood and is in great pain, which hinders her ability to escape (so she doesn’t). i buy it. gale is stabbed in the abdomen twice, deeply, and loses so much blood she entrusts the carpenter sisters’ with last words, passes out from blood loss, and is in bad shape when paramedics arrive. i buy that. mindy is similarly stabbed in the abdomen multiple times, survives because ethan helps her for some mysterious reason, which I buy…I don’t buy her RUNNING TO THE SHRINE MERE HOURS AFTER.

we have a throwaway line about her being on drugs, but no, i still don’t buy it. story time. my work mom, okay, so she was in a really bad car accident once. running on pure adrenaline, she raced out of the car with broken bones and punched the driver of the other car that hit her. immediately after, she collapsed and guess what? she’d injured herself further by punching this lady. so even if mindy wasn’t feeling her wounds because of the drugs (which i could buy easily enough), no responsible hospital would allow her to run wild like that.

at the shrine tara is stabbed UP TO THE HANDLE IN THE BACK and it doesn’t?? effect her like at all? okay, okay, i could possibly buy this with the adrenaline excuse, cause I mean, again, that is a thing. my work mom paid the price for it. but after being stabbed in the back, tara is also stabbed in the torso after being dropped from quite the height and that wound similarly has no tangible impact beyond a few pained pants while she was struggling against a larger, more physically powerful ghostface…and adrenaline wears off? at the very least, after they’re finished off the ghostfaces, tara should’ve been shock-y and sam should’ve been trying to get her medical attention ASAP. at this point the movie wasn’t following its own logic in regards to injuries that’d previously occurred in the movie.

i find it so hard to believe laura’s character at all, that she would go into a dark alley searching for a strange male she had never, ever met in person before dead ass a blind internet date. no girl or woman would ever do that, let alone a supposedly a highly educated New York newcomer.

the pacing in this movie was almost a little too fast. i feel like there wasn’t much room to breathe? i didn’t want it to be slow or anything, but it was almost dizzyingly speedy. i LOVE the chase scene with gale but what the fuck. they made a point to talk about how they weren’t safe in broad daylight, then they cut to gale’s apartment and it’s like nighttime? huh?? how many days did i just watch???

the secret celebrity cameo was jack quaid? boo, letdown, boooooo.

neutral stuff: i feel like sam’s bf only existed in this movie so they could do ladder scene LMFAO. but i didn’t want to see romance so that’s perfectly fine with me.

…possibly have more to add, but idk? i’m high af. overall i really enjoyed this film though. especially the carpenter sisters. sam put billy’s costume on in the best way. it was a monkey paw wish for detective bailey that backfired on him majorly, she looked fucking great in it, she literally stayed in it and then at the end, she let go of the mask. because sam isn’t a murderer. she may have internal violent desires but she keeps that part of her in check cause she’s a good person and only acts on those impulses when real danger is afoot. she isn’t her father and the wants to leave that mask behind its past behind, and follow her sister into the future.

[solar-halos]

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo: the weird stuff

mk. this reminded me of the west side story discourse where someone said it was really disappointing that characters like anita really wanted to assimilate because it showed how they were putting whiteness on a pedestal. but can i tell you a secret?

i can’t think of anyone on my non-white side of the family that doesn’t put whiteness on a pedestal. the first thing my dad did when he came here was assimilate. when you’re told that anything other than whiteness is weird and strange and undesirable, you’re going to do everything in your power to distance yourself from that. obviously, my dad and the rest of his community is at fault for perpetuating that attitude—for actually believing that whiteness inherently has more value than their actual identity—but let’s not ignore the root of the problem: in the US, white people—especially wealthy white people—like you more of if you assimilate. that’s not to say that they’re gonna respect you, or even be fucking nice to you, but i think it’s very understandable why people like my dad or fictional characters like anita thought that assimilation was their only option to live the american dream. i know im not explaining this very well, because i have no idea what its like to move to another country and immediately get picked out as “other,” so this is just me saying what i’ve noticed from observing people in my family

with that being said, it absolutely makes sense why evelyn repressed her cuban heritage for so long. monique is a separate issue, because i think the author wrote her very poorly from the get-go (like, seriously? killing off her black parent but then keeping in the white patent is such a tired trope, but it might even be something she did subconsciously bc she’s obviously not going to be familiar with writing the dynamics of a biracial family other than the very basic blurbs of “everyone disapproved of my parents relationship” that was regurgitated throughout the entire story)

anyway. back to evelyn. it was really disappointing that her cuban identity was consistently only mentioned in passing throughout the entire story. i thought we were gonna be building up to something—anything—but all that happened is that evelyn moved to spain. which is another thing that’s so fucking crazy to me. dialects can be tricky, and the author certainly acknowledged that, but i have friends who grew up with mexican spanish being their first language that cannot understand different dialects from places like argentina and (you guessed it!) spain. and then saying “mexican spanish” and “argentinian spanish” is an oversimplication in itself, cos there’s plenty of dialects within that.

i don’t know. i guess what i’m trying to say is that, at first, in the 50s, it really makes sense why evelyn completely ignored that side of herself. i thought it was bc she couldn’t afford to think that way, but now it’s just obvious that the author had no idea how to develop that storyline bc she’s not cuban, she’s not hispanic, she’s just a white woman writing a cuban character. and, honestly? im not going to claim that i’ve exclusively written what i know, because ragging on her for writing a character she’s not exactly like would be so hypocritical of me. i write annie cresta as a woc all the fucking time, even though i’m white passing, so i’m not going to sit here and say that the author should only write people that look like her. but the stuff i include about annie that i’m not personally familiar with is either based on experiences i’ve witnessed or feelings im familiar with (like the feeling of not really fitting in to either side of my family, or even feeling like i “belong” too much to a certain side), so i think that maybe she should have tried to put more effort into that. i’m not sure how, because i know studying something doesn’t atomically mean you know have a personal connection to it, but i feel like it could have made evelyn’s experiences feel more organic. she kind of reminded me of rita hayworth, except, yk, rita hayworth was kinda just white mixed with white. but it was the 50s! anything that wasn’t all-american was somehow a threat, so maybe she could have gone down that route? like, yeah, rita was still white, but she still got a whole chunk of her identity erased. like im not sure what specific type of white the author is but maybe that would be more in her ballpark

also. i tried not to read other people’s thoughts on this bc i didn’t want it to heavily influence mine but i saw someone say that she catered completely to the male gaze with her relationship with celia. and as a queer woman, im gonna say i don’t think so. like, there was a weird moment where evelyn said that celia’s obsession with her tits mirrored all the straight men she’s been with before, but i took that as a 1950s-not-really-concerned-about-the-nuances-of-sexuality thing. but reading other people’s opinions i will admit that maybe that wasn’t the authors intent when writing that, so maybe it was just a happy coincidence that she wrote something like that in a very hostile time period so that she could just use the “but it was the 50s!!” excuse if someone started questioning it. also, someone said that the last thing on a woman’s mind when kissing another woman is how different they are from men, but i think we’re gonna need the older sapphics to weigh in on this. like, again: it was the 50s. evelyn was fucking scared. she had no idea what bisexuality was. and then she’s suddenly kissing a woman. she’s kissing a woman, even though she “should” be kissing a man (1950s rhetoric), and that’s scary and celia is so different than anyone (men) she’s kissed before, but it somehow works? like she’s softer and has a more feminine figure and is nothing like a man, but that doesn’t matter to evelyn bc she loves her anyway. that’s what i got from her immediately comparing celia’s figure/physique to don’s. she wasn’t necessarily comparing it to say which one was better; she was pointing out how, despite all those differences, the kiss still felt right anyway. it felt good anyway, even though everyone (aka the homophobes) said it shouldn’t

so i guess what im trying to say is that evelyn ignoring her heritage and making homophobic comments seemed more like a product of her time and internalized hatred that she needed to work through. for me, the problem arises when she doesn’t work through it because the author had no idea how to approach the issue. and im sorry maybe this is internalized queerphobia on my part, but i really didn’t have an issue with how evelyn and celia’s relationship was portrayed. like i mentioned in my first post, the stuff they said to each other was genuinely so romantic. i’m not saying the portrayal wasn’t flawed at all, because i could certainly tell that the author probably wasn’t queer while i was reading it, but i’d take this to “love, simon” any day. like i know that author is bi, so i did enjoy “leah on that off beat” in middle school, but her writing about gay men gave me the same vibe as the author of this book writing about sapphic lovers 😭😭 like it was cute i guess (from what i remember) but you could tell that this was uncharted territory for both of them

however, i do understand that a white woman writing poc into her stories is taking away platforms for woc women to write woc characters. people are always like “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” which i don’t think is true. like i said, writing annie cresta as someone who isn’t white passing even though im white passing myself is kinda the same thing as what this author is doing, but i think something that makes or breaks how u do this is writing about what u personally know, even if it’s just a little bit, so you have something to build off of. (i’m also adding a disclaimer here saying that even though i am writing what i know, that absolutely doesn’t mean there isn’t room for nuance. what im doing is flawed in itself, too. there’s no defending that, either. it’s just more authentic to me than writing about an all-white family, bc id have no idea where to start. but this isn’t even about me sorry im just trying to say that people acting like its impossible to write characters that aren’t exactly like you in a way that’s still authentic isn’t really true, it’s just harder)

as i was saying, the author is writing about what she knows, too, but since she’s just white, she’s not gonna know much unless she goes out of her way to try. i just don’t understand why she didn’t go down the rita hayworth route. it’s the approach i personally would have taken. because, even though i dont know what its like to be spanish—this author probably doesn’t, either—the experience of being Othered bc of very minor deviances of anglo saxon beauty is something i can relate to. i never say “my hair is too light” i always say “my nose is too big.” that’s not exclusively a nonwhite problem, and i think that’s where the author messed up. she shouldn’t *only* write what she knows, per se, but she should definitely be writing about things she’s familiar with. and i know im talking about myself way too much, but i just think it’s weird that even though im someone who isn’t technically only white, i still would feel more comfortable writing a person from more modern history that is (annie being in panem gave me a lot of leeway), so i don’t know why she felt comfortable writing a person that isn’t

uh oh. this post got very very long. but i guess what im trying to say is that evelyn’s struggle with her identity was less authentic as the story progressed, and that was solely because the author didn’t know how to make it feel organic, which is super unfortunate. also, new talking point: no fucking way would harry and evelyn be like “welp. the only way for us to have a bio baby is to raw dog it.” like WHAT? again i’m sapphic and i like men but if that were me we’d have to figure SOMETHING out, im not having actual sex with someone when i have a girl. like idk just the thought of putting the work in is nauseating to me, she literally just needed the sperm so harry could have jacked off or something. tbh i don’t rlly wanna think about this. maybe it’s the asexual in me

conclusion: if i’m having these thoughts, as someone who is kinda white, how much more severe is it for people who aren’t? like atp the author needs to just stop writing hispanic characters it’s like a theme for her and no one is ever fucking happy about it

[masschase]

“#gooh is in my top 5 “i question writing this into my hc” things gonna be honest” i would honestly LOVE to know what things you hesitate to include in your canon? one thing i really love and respect about your work is your dedication to sticking to the actual canon so i’m super curious to hear what things you actually don’t consider part of it. or at least the ones you go back and forth on.

OK firstly, thank you, that means a lot to me 😊

There probably isn't anything that isn't a part of it at all unless I forgot about it which does happen pretty often! Things I go back and forth on is definitely the best description of it.  Like, almost all have led me to write some moments I really like and yeah I am proud of making the canon (at least the bits I didn't forget!) fit, but I feel like when I started writing I didn't even think about just *not* sticking to canon. This list is not ordered or exhaustive, it's just the stuff I could think of off the top of my head.

1. GOOH. This is actually a kind of minor one, bc the pros outweigh the cons massively but it's been on my mind today bc of the chapter I've been writing.

Pros: a very sweet Matt/Boss moment and Matt/Boss/Johnny friendship moment after they return from hell, throwing in Jezebel as a character, and obviously the new planet ending is sort of essential to my "they tried to save the earth but couldn't so now they need somewhere new" thing. Plenty of smaller jokes and again some other good parts that factor in.

Cons: so this is actually stuff that just canonises monotheistic religious views that my characters wouldn't normally hold that makes me feel... weird... idk. I feel like they have enough time between GOOH and my fanfic to process that but I was thinking about it today and it bothered me. GOOH also canonizes Matt and Asha sleeping together in some capacity... ok that's not so bad, it adds some depth to the storyline and stops them having unresolved sexual/romantic tension as implied in SRIV. But at times I worry I'm portraying one or both of them as pretty dickish.

2. All SRIV romance options

Pros: I mean, Casey probably would fuck all her friends if it was the only option. And I hc SRIV as taking place over 2-3 months. After that time-travel ONSs were an option. And her whole one time rule has its place in the plot.

Cons: Kind of forces everyone into bi/pan/other mspec apart from Ben and Keith. I would have highly considered making Pierce gay. Maybe Asha would've got thrown token straight lol. Plus who says everyone (again, except Ben, who... seemed like he would say yes to whatever she was about to ask... and Keith) would fuck her? Seems a tad Mary-Sueish. 🤔 Also doesn't gel well with her and Johnny having a primarily brother/sister relationship but I think I've mostly explained that with her having a false romantic epiphany and the fact that he struggles to connect 'hot 30ishyo woman who I massively respect' with 'that kid i knew back in Stilwater' after the 6 year gap. Plus... romance options aren't really true canon, I definitely could have left some out! But considering I did use them all, I could've said better things about the Casey/Pierce time bc that was a culmination of a lot of UST.

3. Cyrus Temple plastic surgery disguise thing.

Pros: definitive 'end date' for Casey getting plastic surgery for scars etc.; it put her off. One amusing joke.

Cons: Idk I just hate it hate it hate it. I think because a lot of game mechanics are easily explainable e.g. forgive&forget and notoriety wipe being bribes, an advanced alien race COULD have time travel etc. whereas this is something that's pretty batshit by SR3 standards but mostly at the expense of like two moments I COULD'VE JUST NOT MENTIONED IT. So if this list was in order I suspect this would be #1 😂

4. The destruction of Earth; or more specifically that they don't/can't undo the destruction of Earth despite having time travel.

Pros: I mean it's inkeeping with the Saints for me. Some people do just die and don't come back. The idea that the new planet thing is moving on from something irretrievable. A new beginning.

Cons: It just feels like a cop out using the 'oh they have time travel but can't use it to save the world bc that's a paradox' thing?

5. Matt and Casey's age gap.

Pros: The millenial/zoomer dynamic, parallels being drawn i.e. joining/creating gangs at 15, Casey being 24 when they met and Matt being 24 when the story begins. I guess relationships where the woman is older are also underepresented compared to the reverse, and being able to give Matt a "coma years don't count" line.

Cons: Idk just on a personal level obviously I'd just prefer them NOT to have a 7.5 year gap. I make it clear that she wasn't ever attracted to him until he was 22 and that the spaceship changes things in terms of life stages but still.

Bonus of some things that were my own decision that I go back and forth on: the name Casey Clark at times (there is a whole thing of 'bc she is secretly a nerd like Matt/Kinzie but she's an analog nerd' but still), Matt being (at least based on his own history) heteroromantic (ok supports split model of attraction but at the same time... Matt to me reads as a canonically bisexual character which we don't often get, why not make him bi/panromantic too?), Casey and Johnny's brother/sister thing in general (idk if that was trying too hard to make them platonic bc generally I rather like GatBoss), writing in accents, not giving enough focus to the secondary pairings esp the more visibly queer ones all bc I originally wanted to keep secondary pairings up in the air for the reader, Casey's SR3 look at times, POSTING HER NAME ALL OVER FUCKING TUMBLR. I could go on 😅

This all seems more negative than I'm meaning it to be bc I put pros first. I love working in the canon and the way plot points have blossomed from it. In fact I put something at the end of my last chapter about how things for this often just fall into place and just leave me 😲.

I will probably make a second list at some point when I think of more 😅

[soggyjulpod]

brain dump of college/roomie au!ellie taking care of drunk reader & etc

writing this bc i miss college and frat parties cheers

warnings: underaged drinking????? tbh who cares

a girl you’ve been talking to for a bit invited you out to a frat party with her and of course you obliged bc who’s gonna turn down free drinks. you ofc invited your bestie and roommate, ellie to come with but she turned you down she’s not a party person. she watches you get all dolled up for the party. she helps you choose out which outfit to wear. she can’t help but to think how pretty you are and because of that she isn’t much help. “ellie you’re no help, you think i always look good no matter what🙄🙄”

you decide on a mini dress that has ellie nearly foaming at the mouth because of how tight and short it is. she almost catches a glimpse of your ass when you bend down to put your shoes on. (but it’s not like she hasn’t seen you practically stark naked, y’all share room… she’s seen plenty to keep her wank bank full). 

unfortunately for you the girl was lowkey ignoring you at the party even though she’s the one who asked you to come. so instead you drank your misery away and got a little too plastered. you ended up calling ellie and cry to her. she tells you to stay there and she’s come and get you, like the good best friend she is. in her weird and awkward ellie way she comforts you, (on the inside she’s seething at the girl who treated you like this). she’s practically your crutch walking back to your guys’ shared room. 

we get very soft ellie here taking care of her drunk best friend (love of her life). she sits you down and helps you remove your makeup as you mumble on about the shitty girl. gives you some water and one of her shirts to change into. bc of how drunk you are you nearly flash her due to your carelessness when taking off your dress, but she had turned around right on time. 

“are you decent yet?” she asks bc you hadn’t said anything. instead she feels a pair of arms wrap around her middle and a weight on her back. 

“thank you so much ellie, i love you more than you could ever imagine”. her heart nearly skips a beat at your words. 

“i love you too.” she softly says back, she can’t help feeling her heart get fuzzy but she reminds herself that you’re drunk and taking nonsense.

ellie shakes off her thoughts and tries to get you to bed but you’re being a stubborn little drunk and very much refusing to get on your own bed even though you're visibly tired. you whine about wanting to sleep in her bed with her bc you’re sad and want to be comforted by someone. her face flushes.it wasn’t weird for the two of you to share a bed, you two have been friends for years, it just became a lot less frequent on ellie’s part to want to as she realized her feelings and felt weird about it.

but because you wanted to she agrees and you immediately hop in her bed and curl under the cover, waiting for her. as soon as she does you cuddle up against her and grab her hand to hold. after a while of silence you pipe up 

“i miss when we used.” you lamented as your thoughts ran free. 

“why?” ellie asks.

“because i like being with you and near you.” 

“i like you too, loser.” 

you nuzzle your face into the crook of her neck and whine, “you don’t get it ellie”

“i don’t get what” ellie asks cluelessly.

“oh my god,” the alcohol had made your patience run low, “is it not clear i’m in love with you? i cancel on people just to spend time with you, i’m always trying to sleep in your bed, i change in front of you, and not to mention the only reason i go on dates is to make you jealous because i hope that one day you’ll return my feelings.” you grumble turning away from her. 

ellie’s brain fr just short circuits when you finish your rant, “you’re in love… with me???” genuinely so surprised bc our girl is super oblivious. 

you don’t say anything because you’re upset and embarrassed that she doesn’t return your feelings. 

she sits up and turns you onto your back, your eyes a squeezed shut. she silently laughs at your childishness before softly caressing your face, “open your eyes, [y/n], i want to tell you something.”

when you do she leans down closer to your face, your lips mere inches away,

“i’m in love with you too.” she whispers. as soon as those words leave her mouth you reach up and kiss her, like you’ve both wanted to for so many years.you both have a goofy grin when you pull away :))

ellie spoons you the whole night because she want you close. 

the morning after is filled with smiles and soft little kisses!!!! and of course you confirm that y’all are now girlfriends!!!! we love labels!!

a/n: WHOOOOPPP WROTE THIS INSTEAD OF DOING WORK FOR A SUMMER CLASS #responsible

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug: Volume II | Part Two

Hey, guys! So I’ve decided to get back to a schedule of updates like I had a couple years back, so there will be a new chapter every Saturday. That way it’ll be more organized and I won’t constantly be telling you I’m gonna update and end up not updating due to either psyching myself out or not being through with editing. Thank you for your patience, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I had to break it up into 2 parts bc it was so long to read all at once so the next chapter will be up Saturday, and that’ll start off the scheduled updates! Thank you💜

Words: 6.1k

Warning(s): explicit language, mentions of drug abuse

Tag list: @squiddtheekidd @unknownoblivion @haileynicoleseavey17 @cierrasixx19 @oskea93 @mgkobsessed @sharon6713 @itsametaphorbriansblog @miriampraez @allie-mcginn @rebeccaphillips14 @nicholeh7 @lilmou5ie @emariehorror @floregrohlssard @oldschoolimagineblog @abaldboi @liith-ium @jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels @ytwahsog @scarecrowmax @random-internet-user-4471 @solohqrry @sparxx27 @kaitieskidmore1 @cruecifymesixx @gingerspicetalks @fancywasmyname1 @teller258316 @ggorehorror @xrosegoldwolfx @mylifeisjustafeverdream @str4nge-haze @m-1234 @leatherandheels @dogmom2014 @viinceneil  @heavymetalgirl420  @gabriellasmind  @breakfastonpluto19 @chevygirl88 @bunnyyydoodlez @devorakdreamscape

LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANT TO BE TAGGED

1989

“…You are so fucking lucky I didn’t call Nikki and tell him about this.” Doc grumbles to me, irritated as all hell as we walk out of the Los Angeles Police Department.

“The asshole deserved it.” Axl cuts in, sticking up for me yet again before Doc whips around to face us.

“Okay, see, I don’t care what you do.” He states to him, raising his brows. “But she’s done enough shit back to back to back for the past two years…” he trails off, looking at me, “Aren’t you tired?!”

I go to answer him, apologetically, but I’m cut off by him insisting, “of course you’re not, you’re a Sixx, you people thrive off of stressing me, and everyone else at the damn office, out.” He throws up his hands as he turns to continue walking in front of us on the way to his car.

“Maybe if these morons didn’t talk so much she wouldn’t have to shut them up.” Axl continues.

“These morons talk because she has given them plenty to talk about, Mr. Rose. I’m not exactly sure what they teach in Indiana, but where I’m from there’s this thing called, ‘if you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough’.” He states. “You wanted to roll around with Duff without any preventives, so now you just have to face the fact that some people think you’re a slut for it. I don’t know what else to fucking tell you other than the more you get arrested, the harder it is to get you out. Those records don’t go away just because you’re married to Nikki.” He warns me and we get to his car.

“Are you gonna tell Nikki?” It’s as if his whole speech goes right over my head — mainly because it did.

Anytime he opens his mouth I just drown it out, anymore.

He looks at me, as if to say, “did you even hear anything I just said?”

“You two sucker punched someone simultaneously. Nikki’s gonna hear about it somewhere, anyway.” He tells me.

“Like he’s gonna give a shit.” Axl blares, the tone of his voice letting me know he’s getting sick of Doc. “He would’ve done the same damn thing — maybe even worse — if he’d been there. Everyone’s been telling her to ignore everyone for the last year and she’s sick of it so why shouldn’t she stick up for herself? Maybe when people know they have a chance of getting their asses handed to them, they’ll shut the fuck up.”

He makes a good point, and Doc doesn’t argue it, he just looks at me and says, “I suggest you tell Nikki before he hears it anywhere else.”

I dread the possibility of hearing him bitch me out about yet another altercation, but I also find some refuge in Axl’s words.

Nikki would’ve done the same thing had he been there, so maybe he won’t be upset.

Besides, it’s Valentine's Day. He can’t be mad at me on Valentine’s Day.

Doc takes both of us back to my house, the pissed off manager making the comment, “it’s a hell of a step up from Van Nuys.”

I guess I could’ve stayed in our old neighborhood, but even heading in that direction makes my stomach turn and my mouth water with the oncoming threat of vomit.

Thinking of the house so much shit happened in, Nikki’s heroin den, our tumultuous fights, his many instances of throwing Vanity out while they were getting high together, the many times the all mirror ceiling was blown out with a gun…I’m looking down at the thigh that still bares the discolored spots along my skin where shrapnel had to be pulled out of me.

It’s currently hiding under my light wash jeans, but it’s still there.

The person responsible for it is long gone — my mind not even grouping together a sober and clearly thinking Nikki in with who he is when he’s on a days long drug binge.

I like to think that Sikki is still crawled up hiding away in our Van Nuys home, scratching around inside the walls, tormenting the new owners, and I hope he stays there. Far, far away from my husband and our growing family.

Once we get to my house, I’m unlocking the door, tip toeing incase Monroe’s asleep, peeking around the wall of the living room to see he’s laying in Tansy’s lap, the two of them asleep while the shower runs in the guest bathroom.

“Aww.” I whisper, motioning for Axl to come here.

He does, seeing at what I’m seeing, and his eyes might as well turn to hearts.

Axl and Tansy reminded me of myself with Nikki when we got together that first time. Except Axl was the one blindly and immersively head over heels, and I think Tansy loved him, but was also very in love with being borderline worshiped and adored — which was something she hadn’t experienced in any relationship.

Axl’s fuse with Tansy lasted a hell of a lot shorter than my fuse with Nikki, however.

She fell off the wagon a few times between ‘89 and ‘90, and by ‘91 during an ugly argument between the two of them, she had confessed to Axl that she resented him for isolating her from her friends, and that she and Robbin had been hooking up, again.

He threw a piano out the upstairs window of their mansion, and threw her out of the house, too (quite literally), and started dating Stephanie Seymour...but that was short lived and they’d reconciled before she took her mom and her former modeling agency to court for the shit she endured thanks to them.

I carefully bend down to pick Monroe up, managing to not wake him being that lately he’s been sleeping so heavy that an earthquake didn’t even budge him last week.

He’s laid down in his Sesame Street themed crib, his chubby cheeks smushing into my hand as I lay him on his back and tip toe out of there.

I assume Duff’s in the guest bathroom being that his brand new Corvette is in the driveway.

A shit ton of us are set to eat a late lunch at his house in a few hours, being that not many of us have been over there since he and Mandy bought it. It’s just down the street from mine, nothing big or extravagant, but it’s a nice house.

Dad offered to let Monroe stay the night with him and mom so me and Nikki could enjoy valentines tonight…I think he’s secretly hoping I have another baby as soon as I can so he can have one grandchild in one arm and one in the other.

I just can’t see Nikki and I have a baby together right now — I’m just now getting my body as close to where it was before I got pregnant with Monroe.

Grabbing some water from the kitchen, I head back to the living room to see Tansy’s trying to get woke up good enough to get her head on straight.

She had agreed to help me and Mandy get the food ready for tonight, Vince and Tommy are supposed to be at Duff’s to help him and Stevie grill some steaks.

I expect Heather to be there since Tommy’s coming and it’s a couples dinner after all, but it also won’t surprise me if she can’t make it due to filming.

Nikki’s supposed to be dragging Mick and Emi, too, but I don’t know if he’ll succeed at that.

None of us have all been together since the leg of the Girls tour that Nikki and I nearly killed each other on, constantly.

I finish my water and glance at the clock that reads one o’clock.

The goal is to be done at Duff’s around 4:30pm.

I go shower and get some makeup on, blow dry my hair and take about five minutes deliberating between two dresses.

Either a skin tight burgundy one that stops halfway down my thighs, or a light pink one that has a little more flow to it…

I go with the light pink, deciding maybe it would help Nikki’s balls for me to not look like a sex bomb when we are trying to put off sex at the moment.

I should call and tell him wear a long sleeve shirt to cover his toned arms.

If I can’t dress a little slutty then he can’t, either.

Once I have my heels on, I’m heading back to Monroe’s room to wake him up and get him ready for dad to come pick him up.

He’s not in his crib, and when I hear airplane noises down the hall followed by Monroe’s contagious shriek of amusement, I peek my head out of his room to see Duff holding him above his head, with his hand under his chest, and the other around his chunky thigh.

“What’re you doing?” I ask the baby, and he kicks his legs when he sees me, Duff making a beeline toward me while keeping up his jet plane noises until the baby is way over my head thanks to Duff being 6’4 and holding him so high he’s nearly touching the ceiling.

“Nose dive!” Duff calls dramatically, tilting Monroe at a downward angle so I can kiss at his chubby cheek.

He almost kicks his dad in the face with excitement when I kiss him, his little hands coming out to grasp my hair and pull me to him.

“Oh, thank you, that’s so sweet.” I tell him as his slobbery mouth engulfs my cheek. “Are you ready to see Grandpa?” I add, and his face lights up at the mention of my father.

“He can hang out with us, can’t he?” Duff asks, holding Monroe’s back to his chest, leaning down and kissing his cheek several times in a row.

“It’s only us tonight, Duff. Vince and Sharise won’t have Skylar, either.” I remind him sadly, also second guessing our son’s departure that won’t last but under 24 hours.

“They get to see her more than I get to see him, though.” He points out, sounding disappointed. “We’ll go pick him up from your dad’s tomorrow and he’ll already be walking or something, Viv.” He adds.

“He won’t be walking, Duff. He can’t even crawl right now.” I gently squeeze his foot. “You have until October to spend with him, and even then those are just little shows. It’s not like you’ll be on a world tour for years on end and won’t be able to see him at all.”

“That’s what it feels like.” He raises his brows.

We’re quiet for another moment and I’m looking between my son and my ex boyfriend.

“Do you think I should call and tell my dad we’re keeping him?” I ask, now second guessing my decision the more I think about it, fearing the inevitable urge to call and check on him every thirty minutes.

Now it’s Duff’s turn to do what he’s always done and reassure me.

“No, don’t do that, it’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. He’ll have fun with Grandpa. Won’t you, pal?” He asks, turning Monroe to face him, and he’s doing the same to his father as he did to me, reaching for his hair to bring his cheek to his mouth, getting a loud chuckle and a warm, “Ohh, thanks little dude,” before kissing his cheek back.

Dad gets here in a few minutes, Tansy getting ready in my bathroom while Duff’s already said bye to Monroe and headed back to his house.

I finish buckling the baby up in Dad’s new Ford pickup truck, handing him his dark purple blanket that’s the size of a square foot — homage to Prince and the iconic purple he’s integrated throughout his career.

Is it weird that my ex-boyfriend's idol is the ex-boyfriend of my husband’s ex-mistress?

“Alright, baby, have fun. But not too much, okay? I still want you to miss me just a little.” I kiss his temple, smoothing down his brown hair, looking into his green eyes. “…We can keep him, you know, if it’s gonna be too much trouble…” I say to dad, looking at him while he’s patiently waiting for me to shut the door so he can get in.

“Viv…”

“I mean, he’s been crying all day and I think he’s got a stomach bug. Maybe it would be best if he stays with us.” I lie, trying to grasp an excuse.

But dad sees through my bullshit. He always has.

“You can get him back first thing in the morning if you want to, Viv. He’ll be fine. Some separation is good for the two of you — especially you. You’ve got to be comfortable being away from him some if you and Duff are going to share custody.”

“…I never said that.” I raise my brows.

“Well you can’t keep him full time, Vivian, he’s gotta see his son just like you do.” He raises his brows, too.

“But he’s my baby.”

“He’s his baby, too.”

“Well, I can just go with him when he goes to visit with his dad.” I insist.

“For two weeks at a time?” He asks me.

“Yeah.”

“I’m sure Nikki will love that.”

“Dad, I’m not leaving my baby in the care of four drunk idiots and a mentally unstable — “

“ — One of those drunk idiots is his father.” He points out.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” I say next, realizing now how harsh that sounded.

“You just have to get used to not being joined at the hip with him all the time, Viv, that’s all.” He shrugs, and I look at my baby and back to my father, sighing.

“You’ll call if anything – and I mean anything – comes up, right?” I ask.

“I promise.”

“Good or bad, especially bad. If he cries too much, or won’t let you or mom sleep, just call me or Duff and one of us will come get him.” I remind him, probably sounding like a broken record.

“Vivian?” He asks and I turn to face him.

“Yeah, Dad?”

His hands extend to my shoulders and he speaks slowly so I can comprehend him easily:

“He will be fine. Enjoy your night.”

I know I sounded like a crazy person, but Monroe had rarely left my side. He had yet to actually go off and spend the night somewhere other than mine or Duff’s house, and sure he had stayed with my parents but never for that long.

When I had him it was us against the rest of the world, and I really stuck to that. I think I was more clingy with him than he was to me, and maybe subconsciously that made me panic about letting him go off without me.

Within the next thirty minutes, people start to arrive at Duff and Mandy’s, most of us girls sticking to the kitchen or around the house while the boys stand outside over the grill, Duff, Slash, and Stevie steadily drinking beers Vince tries his hardest to drink either soda or water.

It doesn’t take me long to pick up that something isn’t quite all there with Duff and Mandy. Perhaps it’s the way he’s keeping his distance and rarely acknowledging her when he comes into the kitchen to get beer after beer after beer for himself, or the way she gets this spoiled look on her face when he’s around, as if she’s irritated with the mere fact that he’s around…

I keep it to myself, however, knowing it’s not my place to ask either one of them about it, but it’s hard not to take notice that the two of them aren’t even acting like they’re married anymore.

The doorbell rings, Sharise going to answer it, and I hear her kindly say, “Hey!” followed by, “I feel like I haven’t seen you in forever,” and Mick’s, “I feel like I’ve been alive for fucking ever.”

Relief sighs from me at the fact that Nikki succeeded in convincing Mick to come, and I grimace just a bit seeing Emi behind him, but I keep a smile on my face.

By that point it was clear to us exactly what Emi wanted from the beginning. Over the months since they had first got together, Emi was more and more comfortable spending his money, and showing it off.

I hated to admit Nikki was right when he had first called it on the Girls tour, but he was.

Emi was a golddigger.

Nikki’s greeting Mandy when Steve comes in, exclaiming, “Sixx!”

“Hey, man!” Nikki boyishly laughs as Stevie outright hugs him.

“You look good, man.” The blonde takes a step back, admiring the wonders sobriety has done while I offer a fake smile to Emi as she pipes, “Hey, Vivian.”

“Where’s Tommy?” Nikki asks me, coming over to where I’m leaned against the counter, eyeing me up and down.

I ignore it and try to focus on his question, furrowing my brows.

“He should be here any min — ”

“ – Sorry we’re late!” Tommy shouts as he walks into the foyer. “Well, I’m late. Heather’s not able to get off in time.” He adds, stepping into the kitchen with a case of beer. “Where do you want this?” He asks next.

“By the fridge is fine for now, thanks” Mandy tells him, as she examines her potatoes that’re baking in the oven.

“Where’s M.B.?” Tommy furrows his brows, referring to Monroe.

“He’s at my parent’s, Tommy, I told you I couldn’t bring him.” I remind him as he fiddles with the ends of my hair for a moment.

“Ew, so you two can get it on tonight?” He wrinkles his nose in disgust.

“No.” I state, raising my brows. “So we can have a quiet night without having to worry about the five month old baby.”

“You two still aren’t boning?” Steven blurts, tipsy, and I feel my face turn bright red as the kitchen grows quiet.

Mandy, Mick, Sharise, Steven’s girlfriend Cheryl, Izzy’s girlfriend Angela, and Emi are all looking at Nikki and I.

“No.” I force it out. “We’re not.”

“Why not?!” Stevie asks next as if he fears something terrible is wrong with either both of us or one of us.

“We’re taking things slow, Steven. I’m only a fragile virgin.” Nikki answers with some comic relief that has everybody scoffing and laughing a little too hard.

No more questions are asked about it though, and once Tommy and Mick follow Stevie outside to talk with the other guys about manly things, I’m sneaking off to Duff and Mandy’s room to call my dad and check on the baby.

It rings, and rings, and rings, and rings, until it goes to the answering machine.

“Hey, Dad, it’s Viv. I was just calling to check and see how Roe was doing. Call me back when you can.” I hang up, fumbling with the chord of the phone before picking it up again, dialing the same number.

Again, it rings, and there’s no answer.

Back to the answer machine.

“Hey, it’s me again, I forgot to remind you that he eats dinner at 5:00p.m., and no later than that because he has these weird stomach issues if he eats too late at night. Also, just a little bit of solid food, right now, and nothing hard – soft things only. Also, make sure his bottle isn’t too hot or too cold, he won’t even try to eat it if it’s a degree off. He’s picky. And his bedtime is seven. And he’ll cry for a few minutes when you put him in the crib but the doctor said just leave him there and let him cry it out. He goes to sleep after about five minutes. And don’t forget to bathe him – all his bath stuff is in his diaper bag. I washed his hair last night so you shouldn’t have to do that again, but be sure to bathe him good. Also he’s getting this rash on his butt, he’s got some ointment for it in his bag in that side pocket next to where he keep his bottles. If I don’t have enough diapers just call me back and I’ll get some to you asap.” I run on, not even realizing it. “And don’t forget there’s some fresh baby food in his bag, too. It’s in a little lunch box with an ice pack because we’ve been trying to stay away from that weird baby food in a jar that’s mixed up so I just blend it up myself. If he runs out and you wanna make him some more, he eats any fruits or veggies except peas – and he can’t have cantaloupe. He’s severely allergic to that, dad. But I just put it in the blender until it’s the consistency of pudding.” I finish, sighing out. “Alright, I think that’s everything. I love you, kiss my little man for me. Goodnight – but call me back when you can.”

I hang up, falling back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.

“You sound like me on crack.” Nikki says from the doorway, shutting the door behind him as he steps over to the bed.

“You can think I’m being paranoid all you want, Nikki, I’m just not comfortable letting him go off and stay for so long.” I don’t even look at him, feeling the bed sink under us as he lays down beside me.

“He’s with Johnny. That’s probably the safest place he can be.” He assures me. “Your mom, probably not so much, but…she just kinda comes with the territory.” He adds and I crack a smile, opening my eyes to look at him. “And since we are kid free, what do you wanna do tonight?”

“I don’t know if I’m in the mood for going out.” I admit, dreading the thought.

It seems anytime I go out now, I’m harassed more and more…which reminds me…

“Did Doc tell you about what happened?” I ask

“…What happened that Doc was supposed to tell me about?”

Shit.

Before I can answer, the door is swinging open, Nikki and I sitting up to see Mandy.

“Oh, sorry,” She mumbles, stepping over to the nightstand to open the drawer. “Food’s ready, by the way.”

“We weren’t doing anything.” I say to her and she shrugs it off as she grabs a new pack of cigarettes.

“It’s okay if you do. It’s not like that bed has seen any action in over two months, anyway.” She says it as she leaves, shutting the door, and Nikki and I look at one another, the both of a us a little stunned she said it.

It was, in itself, a remark that confirmed my suspicion that she and Duff had hit a rough patch in their marriage.

All of us packing into the kitchen table and at the bar connected to the kitchen counter next to it, we eat our food as Angela and Tansy talk about the house she and Axl are looking to buy, while Cheryl, Meegan, Sharise and Emi talk about the new Guns and Mötley stuff that’s in the works simultaneously, which shifts the conversation to touring cool places.

Steve and Tommy are talking about Steve’s wedding that’s coming up, Slash, Duff, and Mick talk about guitar riffs and song writing, while Nikki, Vince and Axl talk about preparations for getting back in the studio — Vince giving Axl tips on how to keep his vocal cords from getting shred over the constant recordings and re-recordings the way the had been when they recorded Appetite for Destruction.

Izzy quietly observes everyone else’s conversations.

“Did Duff tell you about Chicago, Viv?” Mandy interrupts to bring it to my attention, pulling me from my investment in the conversation with the men next to me.

“Mandy…” Duff starts softly, looking at her as if to say, “please, not now.”

“What? I thought she’d already know by now.” There’s a spiteful bite to her words.

“Let us finish eating and I’ll get into all that with her, alright?”

“All what?”

She says, “they’re moving to Chicago for the album,” just as Duff says, “We’ll talk later.”

It takes him a second to realize she just blurted it out, and now everyone else is silent, awkwardly waiting for Duff’s reaction to Mandy’s dismissal of his request.

I bite my tongue to keep from further questioning it, seeing how irritated Duff already is at the moment.

However, when Nikki attempts to make Duff feel better by saying, “Well, we’re moving to Vancouver to work on ours,” I’m blindsided for the second time in five seconds, and I’m not so gracious.

“What?” I look at him.

It’s as if now he remembers he hasn’t told me this, yet, meanwhile Sharise and Emi look as if they’ve known about it.

“I thought I had already told you.” There’s huge regret in his voice, mainly because he knows he’s possibly about to get a new asshole.

“You can come with us, Viv.” It’s as if Tommy isn’t even aware that the topic is about to start an argument, shrugging it off with a wide smile. “Tansy’s gonna be tagging along.”

The way Tansy squeezes her eyes closed and the expression on Axl’s face says it all.

“You’re what?” Axl asks his wife, and she opens her eyes and sighs out, dropping her own silverware.

“Can we talk about this later?” She asks him the question Duff asked Mandy.

“No, what business do you have going off—“

“—Backing vocals for their album, Ax.” Steve says as if it’s common sense.

He clearly knew about it before any of us — including her own husband.

“Backing vocals?” The red head doesn’t seem convinced in the slightest.

“Can we please just have a nice dinner? Please?” She asks him, gently.

“Viv, I really thought I already told you about all this.” Nikki mumbles to me.

“You didn’t until now.” I’m pushing my food away, not hungry anymore.

“When were you gonna tell me all this?” Axl asks Tansy next, and she raises a brow and bites back with, “oh, like how you told me you and Viv got arrested?”

She doesn’t mean to say it so loud, but now I’m the one squeezing my eyes closed and rubbing my forehead as Nikki and Duff blare out a sharp, “what?!”

I feel like everyone watching is having trouble choosing which fight to watch, still eating their food and drinking their drinks while Duff, Mandy, Axl, Tansy, Nikki, and myself are on the borderline of having an all out verbal brawl with one another.

“Some prick got mouthy.” Axl states before I can say it, and Nikki and Duff look at me.

“Viv, you’re gonna end up on house arrest.” Nikki complains.

“So, you’d rather her let someone be nasty to her and not do a damn thing about it?” Axl furrows his brows.

“You fuck out of it, she’s my wife — you bother with yours.” Nikki snaps at him.

“Alright, hey, look, we’re here to eat good food and spend time together so let’s just put off any fighting until after we’re finished, okay?” Mandy says, trying to calm everybody down.

“Amanda, you started all this mess by blatantly ignoring me when I asked you if we could just save the bullshit about me and the guys moving to Chicago.” Duff’s dam breaks, his words starting to come out in a slur.

“Well, it’s not my fault you suck at communicating with the mom of your kid, Michael.”

Once the government names are being pulled, the tension only gets worse.

Is this how people felt when Nikki and I would start up?

“Oh, I suck at communicating? Really?” I can tell he’s winding up to say something mean.

“Duff, just let it go.” I grab at his hand.

“I’m talkin’, Viv,” He brushes me off, squeezing my hand in his for a second, “That’s something coming from the woman who won’t communicate that the reason she treats her husband like horseshit now is because she’s pissy that her music career crashed and burned, while his is going fucking fantastic.”

The air leaves my lungs.

All of us fall deathly quiet and I’m pulling my hand from Duff’s in an abrupt attempt to try to silently tell him that was too far.

Mandy’s departure from the table triggers Angela’s, Cheryl’s, and Meegan’s, the three of the following after her to her bedroom.

“That was kinda fucked up.” Izzy tells Duff.

“If it’s fucked up, it’s fucked up.” Duff states with a cracking voice, tears in his eyes as he’s picking up his beer, but I snatch it from him, slamming it down on the table.

“…Welp, Sixx, I had fun.” Mick sighs to Nikki, standing up.

“Yeah, me too.” Slash adds, doing the same.

“You’re leaving?” Tansy asks him.

“Me and Meegan have plans, Tans.” He states. “But we’ll hangout sometime before you leave.” He adds.

“She’s not leaving.” Axl mumbles and Tansy glares at him.

“If I wanna go, I’ll go.”

“Yeah, and get strung out again.” He says.

“We’re all sober.” Vince interjects for the first time tonight.

“Oh, yeah?” Axl asks, glancing at Nikki.

“Yeah.” Vince replies, looking at Nikki, next.

It’s very apparent there’s a silent conversation happening between my husband and Axl, and it’s not one that gives me a good feeling.

And the longer they look at each other the more antsy Tommy becomes before he blurts: “it was one fucking time, man, alright? We got right back on the goddamn wagon!”

“What?” Sharise and I ask, she’s looking at Vince as if he’s guilty, too, but from his expression I can tell he isn’t.

“Tommy.” Nikki keeps his cool, getting a grip before he can ring Tommy’s neck.

“I’m sorry, man, alright? I’ve been guilty as shit about it and I just needed to get it off my fucking chest.”

“In front of her?!” Nikki says back, looking at me with a heavy breath. “It was a couple of drinks, Vivian.” He assures me, earning a scoff from Duff.

“And a mountain of blow.” The blonde blurts out and Izzy softly says, “Duff, stop fucking talking.”

“Yeah, like hell you’re going to different country with them.” Axl tells Tansy as she looks between Nikki and Tommy, disappointed while Vince looks outright livid.

“When the fuck did that happen?” He asks Tommy and Nikki.

“I’ll be back in a second.” I get up to go to the bathroom to calm down so Nikki and I don’t ruin a good night, and I hear chairs sliding out as I head to the bathroom, assuming Duff and Nikki, because I hear Nikki state, “I got it.”

Before I can even shut the bathroom door, Nikki’s pushing it open, inviting himself and Tommy in.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now.” I tell them, sitting on the edge of the bathtub, taking deep breaths, tears in my eyes although I’m not even sad.

I’m fucking frustrated.

Duff’s apparently off to Chicago soon along with Izzy, Axl, Steve and Slash, and Nikki’s gonna be gone, too, with Tommy, Vince, and Mick…and now that Tommy and Nikki have already had a screw up…

“I’m sorry, Vivian.” Nikki says to me, quietly. “I thought we had already talked about the moving thing, and I didn’t tell you about me and Tommy fucking up because I didn’t want you to think we weren’t trying to take this serious.”

I don’t say anything, taking a moment to gather my thoughts.

“No, Nikki, you told me you guys were thinking about moving. You never told me you were doing it for certain.”

“Well, we’re only gonna be gone for about six months, and we were gonna ask if you wanted to come with us.” Tommy adds.

“I can’t. I have Monroe.”

“He can go with us.”

“Not if you two are diving into mountains of blow, again.” I snap.

“That was one fuck up, Viv.” Tommy assures me, crouching down in front of me. “We’re already back on the straight and narrow and we’ll stay there.” He adds.

“I can’t do anymore time with you two stoned and wasted, Tommy, I’ve done it enough and I’m fucking tired.” I say shakily, the mere thought of having to endure what I’d endured throughout the years brings tears to my eyes. “Cause I love you a lot more when you’re actually you.” I add.

“We’re not gonna be like that this time, Viv, alright? It’s gonna be fun – like, for everybody.” At least he acknowledges that it’s only been fun for the ones not sober the last time they made an album and toured.

It’s said as if it’s a no-brainer, as if he’s wondering why I’m stressing over the thought of it.

“Duff’s gonna be in Chicago. I just need to stay here so visiting him will be easier.” I conclude, rubbing my forehead, hearing Nikki huff out a breath.

***I think Nikki realized then that co-parenting and sharing custody with Duff was about more than sending some letters and pictures and calling often when Duff wasn’t in town.

It was going to cut into time between Nikki and I, and I think a part of him resented that.

I would’ve been comfortable with dropping Monroe off with his dad and getting him two weeks later, but I felt like Duff wasn’t ready for all that responsibility.

Tansy helped me out on tour, and I would be able to leave Monroe with them for a few days with her help, and she’d take care of him when Duff wasn’t available.

She was only able to do that, however, when she was able to take a break from backing vocals on the Dr. Feelgood tour.

But her keeping Monroe on the road with Guns for me only occurred a couple times before I just decided to tag along with them full time when it was time for him to stay with his dad, and I was glad I did.

There was too much stress, and Duff coped with it in all the wrong ways. He tried the best he could at the time, but he was not fit to be a father on the road. And I honestly think he had come to accept that, eventually.

“Well, why not go back and forth?” Tommy suggests. “Go see Duff for a little bit and come back? Split the time?”

“I’d have to go through customs and everything else constantly, Nikki, and with a baby…that’s just a lot to have to keep up with…why’re you guys even going to Vancouver?”

“Probably the same reason they’re going to Chicago. To get out of L.A.. There’s too much shit around here.” Nikki says.

I want to make a smart remark about there obviously being too much shit out here if they’ve already fell off the wagon once.

“I really want you to come with us, Viv. We’ll figure out the Monroe and Duff thing later. You’ve been around for every album we’ve recorded. I don’t wanna be up there without you.” Tommy says next.

This would be the first album of theirs I’d miss the recording of if I didn’t go.

I glance at Nikki, his arms crossed as he stares down at the floor, awaiting my answer before I look at Tommy.

“100 percent sober, Tommy.” I say to him, sternly.

I can see my childhood friend’s face shift as he realizes what I’m saying.

“And I mean it.”

“Deal.” He agrees before I can barely get the words out.

“Promise?” I ask next, holding my pinky up.

He doesn’t even question it, linking his pinky with mine as he says:

“Promise.”

His arms engulf me in a tight hug, squeezing me to him tightly with a smile on his face that’s ear to ear.

“Ah, I fuckin’ love you, Viv.” He says next, pulling away, holding my face in his giant hands and I hold his wrists, smiling at him.

“I know Tommy.” I reply, and he gives a dramatic “mwah!” when he kisses my cheek, hopping up.

“I gotta go call Heather and tell her.” He’s like an excited puppy, Nikki stepping aside to let him out before the door shuts again.

“You gonna forgive me as easily as you did him?” He asks as I stand up.

“Tommy’s Tommy. You’re not.” I flatly state, the smile dropping from my face quickly as I reach to open the door.

He’s reaching his hand over my head and shutting it, however, making me turn and face him, unamused.

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

[nessinborderland]

The Games We Play

Pairing: Niragi x Reader x Chishiya

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 3.6k

Summary: You have been playing with them for long enough. They want to win the game.

Warnings: Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Vaginal Sex, Dubious Consent, Double Penetration, Threesome - F/M/M, Voyeurism, Shower Sex, Overstimulation, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Creampie, Cum Eating, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot

Notes: One-shot based on these two submissions:

Anonymous said: okay so first I love your imagines sm!!! your writing its so good and second I was wondering if u could do a chishiya x niragi × brat reader plsss😳👉🏻👈🏻 

Anonymous said: Do you think that you could maybe write something where fem!reader keeps rejecting Niragi and Chishiya (bc she's playing hard to get and likes watching them compete for her) and Niragi and Chishiya find out and corner her, which leads to a steamy threesome shdhfhgkYou don't have to write it if you don't want to! You're doing amazing and I love love loooove your writing! Keep up the great work, and remember to take care of yourself too!! 💜💜

Is this any good? No idea, you let me know ahaha.

You always liked the attention people give you. Men, women, or in between, you have a way to draw people to you. You don't even do it on purpose; it just happens. There is always someone wanting to sleep with you, or take you on a date, or introduce you to their parents. But you don't want any of that. You just like the attention, to see people competing for your affection. It makes you feel desired. It makes you feel important.

You love it; you crave it.

It's no different when you find yourself in the Borderlands and at the Beach. People still try to get your attention. Some had even tried to take you against your will, more than once. But you know what you're doing; you are prepared for that kind of thing. It also helps that someone always has your back.

More specifically: two men. Men that you are more than just interested in. You had caught their attention too, right in the first few days of you being there. And, just like the others, you played with them. You acted interested in one moment, uninterested the next.

They are so different but so alike at the same time; two sides of the same coin. One is darkness, the other is light; one is fire, the other is ice; one lures you in with seduction, the other with mystery. Both beautiful, both dangerous.

You want them; you really really do. But you also love playing games. And oh, you play them well. It's so much fun, seeing them compete for you. They are both too proud to do something that will downright demonstrate their interest in you, but you know. You always know.

When Niragi passed you by the pool, eyes lingering on your body like a starved wolf, you could tell. When everybody else seemed afraid to get close to you, you knew that was his doing. When he approached you at the club, hands on your hips and pierced tongue on your neck, that was a sign clear as day. He wants you as much as you want him. 

Things hadn’t been that different with Chishiya. The way he talked to you, silver tongue ready to manipulate you, whispering sweet things in your ear as his fingers brushed against your naked arm; you knew what he wanted then. When he showed off at games, using his intelligence to win; you knew he wasn’t just trying to win the game. 

But, like so many others before them, you pushed them away and faked disinterest. 

You want to see where you can push them. It's mostly curiosity on your part; will they give up? Snap? Fight each other to death? You are dying to know.

And it seems like you are getting your answer tonight.

“Good evening, gentleman,” you greet them as you close your bedroom door. You weren’t expecting them, but you also can’t say you are fully surprised. “I think you’re in the wrong room.” 

You just observe them when neither of them says a word. Niragi is leaning against a wall, arms crossed as he looks at you with fire in his eyes; if lust, anger, or a mix of both, you can’t tell. Chishiya sits at the end of your bed, leaning back on his hands as he also gazes at you. He was always a hard man to read; tonight is no different. 

You should be afraid; you should. But there is no reason to be when this is pretty close to what you desire. When they keep quiet, you go around your room as if they aren’t there. You ignore them, as you so masterfully do in every other situation. You can feel their eyes on you, burning the skin as you make your way to the bathroom, leaving the door open. You can hear footsteps as Niragi gets closer. 

“Niragi, be a dear and get me my towel, yes?” you ask in a soft tone, turning your back to him as you slowly start to undress. You look over your shoulder when he just stands there, leaning against the threshold as his eyes take in your curves. “See something you like?”

“Plenty…” is all he says, pierced tongue showing in between his teeth to lick his bottom lip. Chishiya chooses that moment to appear, your towel in hand. You smile at him as you take the cloth, making sure your fingers brush against his. 

“Ah, thank you, handsome,” you say, lips widening in a soft smile in his direction. He smirks in response, eyes glued to your naked chest as he stands there next to Niragi. You turn around and get into the shower box, turning on the faucet. You gasp as the cold water hits your warm skin, exaggerating your reaction for them. 

You wonder how much longer they will control themselves. You can feel yourself getting wet from anticipation, and you brush your thighs together without even realizing it. You control the want to look over your shoulder, wondering what is taking them so long. You can hear their murmurs as they speak between them, the stream of water falling on your head making it hard for you to distinguish words. 

Then you feel warm hands on your hips, soft but firm. 

“You know, kitten,” Niragi’s voice on your ear is mistakenly sweet, like bitter chocolate. You don’t mind a little bitterness. “I think you have been playing with us for way too long…” His hands go up to cup your breasts, large palms pushing them up. You’re forced to bump against his chest, a shiver running down your spine when you feel his naked skin against yours. His hard erection brushes against your ass, making you gasp. He laughs, “I wanted to do things my way, but Chishiya here had a plan I just couldn’t resist. So here we are.” 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you say in a confused tone. You turn around to face him, glancing at Chishiya, still by the door, “What do you mean I’ve been playing with you?” you turn your head to the side, giving them your best impression of puppy-eyes. Now is Chishiya’s time to laugh.

“Oh, you’re infuriatingly beautiful,” he says without a change of expression. “We know what your game is. Honestly, it took me some time to understand exactly what your moves were, but I know I can win now. We can win now.”

“It never crossed my mind that you liked to share,” you let your mask fall, and Chishiya’s smirk grows wider. “C’mon, you can’t blame a girl for being curious. I get bored easily.” Niragi huffs out a laugh, giving you a light spank to your backside.

“Something tells me we’re gonna have a lot of fun together,” he says in your ear, before turning you completely towards Chishiya. “I’m sure you don’t mind that I fuck her first, do you?” 

“Nah, I like to watch.” is Chishiya’s shrugged response, “Just don’t tire her too much; I have some plans for her too.”

Your hand snaps to grab Niragi’s hair, and you pull a strand as you force his head down. “I think you’re being way too confident,” you say against his cheek. “I haven’t given any of you my consent.” his hands proceed to grab your neck, pressuring just enough to make you want to cough.

“Fortunately for me,” he starts, “I didn’t ask for your consent.” you yelp as he forces your head to the side, licking your wet skin from chest to ear. He hums in approval, “Your skin tastes good,” the hand still on your chest slides down your belly to the apex of your thighs, “I wonder what more of you is sweet…”

Your body shivers and you close your eyes as he starts fingering you under the hot stream of water. Your shivers don’t come from fear but pleasure, as you try to contain your moans to not give them the satisfaction. This is your game, after all. Niragi’s fingers are long and slim inside you, two digits thrusting in and out as his thumb plays with your clit. He rubs against you from behind, cock nestled between your ass cheeks as he tries to get some friction. His other hand lifts your thigh off the ground, giving Chishiya a nice view of your stuffed pussy.

“Add another one,” Chishiya’s words make you open your eyes. You moan as you take in his state of undress, fisting his engorged cock as he watches you through half-lidded eyes. You clench around Niragi’s fingers, making him chuckle.

“Fuck that, I think she’s ready for something bigger,” he says as he pushes you against the shower wall. He shoves himself inside you with a grunt, and you whimper at the stretching sensation. “Do you like that, you little slut?” Niragi asks with a bite to your earlobe as he makes you take his cock inch by inch.

“I– I’ve had bigger,” is all you manage to say. Your words clearly affect him. He tilts your hips further up and – with so much force that you scream – fills you to the brim with a slap of his pelvis against your ass. You can faintly hear Chishiya say something, but you’re too focused on the pleasure and pain at your core as Niragi starts to move, stretching you further with each thrust. You’re moaning freely not long after, slowly sliding down the shower wall as you try not to lose your balance, your orgasm so close to making you fall apart. Niragi’s hands keep you up as he uses you, fucking you relentlessly as he grunts filthy things in your ear; things that only make you clench harder around him. 

“That’s it, kitten…” his words are followed by a firm thrust, making you whine. He takes that opportunity to put two fingers inside your mouth, pressuring your tongue in a clear order to suck on them. You suck on his digits the best you can, faintly tasting yourself as those same fingers were inside your cunt not long ago. He moans then, and you can feel him close to orgasm. “I’m gonna fill you up so good, you’ll be leaking with my cum for days,” you clench around him again and he chuckles, his thrusts getting more erratic and his grip tighter on your flesh, “No one will want to fuck you then, except me–”

“– And me,” Chishiya says in a deep voice. You look to the side to see him still stroking himself, long, slow gestures as beads of precum glow on the tip. You moan further around Niragi’s fingers, imagining that it's Chishiya’s thick cock instead. The pressure in your core grows, but never enough for you to come. You grunt in frustration, and Chishiya lets out a huffed laugh. “You should let her come, she’s getting desperate.”

“She can come after I fill her up,” Niragi answers with a hard slap to your ass. You jolt forward with a yelp, but he ignores you as he keeps impaling you on his cock. “Shit, I’m so close…” his mouth goes to your shoulder, and you feel his teeth on your skin.

“N– no,” you faintly say, pushing your hips against his in a pathetic attempt of shoving him off of you, “Not inside, get off.” He ignores your words, and you feel warmth in your core as he comes right after, fucking you through his orgasm as you milk him dry. You whimper when he pulls out, feeling immediately when his cum oozes out of you and starts sliding down your thighs. You keep your forehead pressed against the shower wall, regaining your breath as your legs shake. 

You feel sore, but you also feel electrified. You want more, and you know you’ll get it. You gasp when Niragi abruptly pulls you into a kiss, teeth nibbling on your bottom lip and tongue pressing against the back of your throat before he lets you go.

“She’s all yours,” he says to Chishiya before sliding out of the shower and drying himself on your towel. You just look at the other man, waiting for him to make the first move. Niragi sends you a look before approaching you again and involving you in your towel. He passes by Chishiya, dropping you on the bed before laying beside you, back against the headboard and arms crossed behind his head. “Let’s go, I don’t have all night.”

Chishiya gets closer, steps slow but determined. His eyes remind you of a cat on a hunt. It only makes the fire in your core come back ten times stronger. You keep your gaze locked on him as he gets closer, stopping by the foot of the bed before glancing at Niragi.

“Are you just going to watch?” he asks, mattress sinking under his weight as he gets on the bed. “Or you want to join?” his words make you clench around nothing, a moan escaping your lips as you imagine all the things they can do to you; at the same time. Both men snicker at your reaction, and Niragi promptly pulls you against his chest.

“Let’s see what you have in mind for her, first,” he says with a squeeze to your tit, “But I wouldn’t mind making her beg.”

“Good luck making me beg for anything,” you retort, a smirk playing on your lips.

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” Chishiya says as he gets closer, hand sliding up your leg. His touch makes you shiver, and his next words make you whimper, “Keep her wide open for me. Let’s see how long it takes until she’s begging.”

“Oh, we’ll see about that,” you repeat his words back to him. He smirks, exchanging a look with the man behind you. You gasp when Niragi grips your thighs, folding them against your body. Your pussy is in full view now, open and glistening with your mixed cum. Chishiya licks his lips as he sets himself in-between your legs, hot breath tickling your swollen clit. You gaze at him through half-lidded eyes, expecting the moment when he finally touches you with his lips.

His fingers touch you instead, going up your slit as he gathers the cum from your skin. You just look, entranced as he licks his fingers clean with a hmm of approval. You moan at the sight at the same time Niragi grunts behind you, whispering out a curse before you feel him grind on you. 

Chishiya is back at your cunt, and this time wastes no time in latching his lips on your clit, making you arch your back with a whine. You try to close your thighs on a reflex, but Niragi’s strong hands stop you from doing it, pressing your legs further against your body. So you just hear yourself get louder as Chishiya works wonders on your pussy, either by sucking on you or fucking you with his tongue. The slurping noises as he eats you out only make it worse, and you can’t control yourself from fisting his hair, forcing his face further against your pussy as you move your hips in unison with his licks. The man behind you fills your neck with licks and bites, telling you in detail of his plans to fuck you in every room of the Beach, as he grinds on your ass. Fuck, you want him inside you. This is all too much. You desperately want to come.

“Don’t stop,” you cry out after a particularly good flick of Chishiya’s tongue against your sensitive bud. Your legs shake, and your core burns from the impending orgasm, so close but not close enough, “Don’t you dare stop, I’m so close…”

He stops. Of course he does. You let out a frustrated whine as he pulls away from you with a last lick to your folds. He licks his glistening lips with a satisfied grin, before grabbing you by the chin, pressing his lips to yours in a strangely soft kiss. He hums before looking at Niragi with a raised brow.

“Did that sound like begging to you?” he asks in a fake inquisitional tone. 

“No, it did not.” Niragi laughs, shaking his head, “Guess we’ll have to give it to her harder.”

“I would like to see you try,” is all you say before grabbing Chishiya by the shoulders and pushing him down on the bed, straddling his hips. You both moan as you swiftly impale yourself on his shaft, moving your hips as he starts bucking into you. His hands go to your hips, keeping you at his desired pace. You throw your head back, feeling him inside you as he pleasurably touches your g-spot with each thrust. You’re about to slide your hand down to your clit – desperate to ease that hot pressure within you – when a hand stops you.

“Nobody said you could touch yourself, kitten,” Niragi says in your ear, hand sliding up your back. You yelp when he pushes you against Chishiya’s chest, his other hand tilting your hips up. The man beneath you keeps fucking you as if nothing happened, eyes locked on the man behind you. You gasp when you feel Niragi’s fingers over your asshole, realizing what his plan is a little too late. You jolt forward with a cry when you feel one of his fingers penetrate your tight ring, carefully at first until he tries to push in another. You freeze for a moment at the sensation of fullness, and you wonder if you can take more of him. 

“Relax, honey,” Chishiya says as he slows down his thrusts, hand raising to cradle your face as you moan from both discomfort and pleasure, “Focus on me.” you do as he says, relaxing your lower muscles until all you can feel in the amazing sensations they provide inside both your holes. 

That doesn’t stop you from crying out when Niragi starts penetrating your tight hole with his cock, inch by inch until he’s fully inside. You keep your mouth open in a constant moan as they both start to fuck you. You have never felt so full in your life. So unbelievably, deliciously stretched. You can barely think, letting them use your body as they see fit. You’re beyond caring, feeling your orgasm closer and closer, as they touch every spot inside you that makes you moan, cry and whine at each thrust. Your pleads to come are nothing but mumbled words that neither of them seems to hear. It’s exhilarating.

“Please– please,” is all you manage to say.

“Please what, kitten?” Niragi says with a grunt, followed by a hard spank to your ass. That makes you clench around them both, only making them fasten their thrusts. You shake your head, burying your face on Chishiya’s neck.

“All you have to do is ask us nicely, honey,” he says with a kiss to your temple. You weakly shake your head, biting your lips in a failed attempt to keep quiet. They should be the ones begging, not you.

But you can’t. Not when you feel so full, so stretched by those two men. You should’ve fucked them a long time ago, have you in control. But like this, with both teaming up to make a mess of your mind and body, it’s impossible. 

Someone’s fingers flick against your clit, and you whine in response to the touch, pushing your hips as best you can against those fingers. Mission close to impossible when there are two cocks inside you, their bodies keeping you trapped and practically unable to move. So you allow yourself to be as vocal as you want. Then the touch stops. Then it proceeds again, just to stop once more. You feel like crying. This is too much.

“Please– please let me come, please!” you finally say the words they want to hear. The hand on your clit fastens and so do their thrusts. Yes, just like that. You come so hard your scream in ecstasy, sparks of white blurring your vision as your body spasms, pussy clenching in a vice grip around their cocks. You let yourself relax, too tired and blind by your orgasm to move.

You feel when Niragi comes right after, hips slapping against your ass as he fills you up with his cum for the second time that night. He keeps rocking against you before he stays still and pulls out from your hole. You whine at the emptiness he leaves behind, his cum already sliding out of you. Chishiya is next, rolling you on your back as he comes in you, stuffing your already filled pussy with even more cum.

You’re a panting mess as he too pulls out before laying down beside you. You don’t have the strength to close your legs, too sore and sensitive to even give it much thought. Your eyes flutter close as you try to calm down your heartbeat. All you want now is a hot bath and a long nap.

“Ready for round two?” you hear Chishiya’s panting question. That makes you open your eyes, staring at the men on each side of you. They both look satisfied, Niragi is back to leaning against the headboard as Chishiya stares at you with a glint in his eyes.

“Nah, she’s all yours,” is Niragi’s tired answer. “I’ll just watch this time.” Chishiya’s smirk widens.

“More for me then,” he says before covering your body with his. You gasp, surprised by his advances. What can he possibly be planning? You don’t think you have it in you for more. He notices your expression, before leaning to kiss your breast, hand sliding down your body with feathery touches. “I told you I was going to make you beg,” his eyes are locked on you as he goes down your body. He stops by your mound, pressing a kiss to your clit, making you gasp from oversensitivity. “You begged me to come...now you will beg me to stop.”

[shewhotellsstories]

i really dont wanna annoy you but you post about racism in fandom sometimes so i thought you'd be the right person to ask. i hope this doesnt come off as expecting u to be my teacher. yesterday someone said they didnt trust white zk shippers and i thought it was mean but then people started sending the them all these nasty messages and i started to worry maybe op was right. honestly a lot of this stuff is pretty new for me. i think our fandom is inclusive & unlike the rest of the atla fandom we actually like katara. but i'm trying to learn.

why would it be a problem that a lot of zk fics have katara looking after zuko? i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people. is fire lady katara still ok? is there racism in our fandom? there are a lot of woc zks and i've seen them get hate for it. but the messages op got were pretty bad too. i know i'm asking a lot of questions i just hate the thinking that we might be as bad as the z*kka stans have been saying all year.

This is gonna get long so I’m just gonna jump right in. When I listened to fansplaining’s episode on fandom racism one of the guests said white fans who can acknowledge that fandom racism exists tend to frame it as “just a few bad apples” and get caught up in worrying about not looking like a “bad apple” instead of making fandoms spaces that aren’t hostile for BIPOC. Jag offs hiding behind anon to tell women of color who ship zutara that we have a creepy fetish for imperialism and colonialism suck, but your biggest concern really shouldn’t be the optics or if you can claim superiority over zukka stans.

Yeah the “katara’s a homophobe” nonsense didn’t come from our end of the fandom, but it feels naive at best or dishonest at worst to act like the zutara fandom is uniquely immune to fandom racism. A creator I follow made the excellent point that allyship conditional upon if a poc talks "nicely" about racism is still white supremacy. I believe poc need to be allowed to vent and be salty or angry without being tone-policed. I definitely have my days where I’m like “ugh white people,” or "why must white fans be like this," so I get where the OP was coming from. Ironically the folks that sent them anon hate proved their point. You can always count on hit dogs to hollar.

Fandom is only escapist for some people. It doesn’t exist in a vacuum so you’ll find racism in fandom because there’s racism in the world. Navigating that gets exhausting. There are certain things I enjoy, but for the sake of my sanity I'll only talk about it with friends in real life or only follow fans of color. Before I follow white fans I need to see first that they’re not the kind of person who inspires posts about fandom racism. A good friend of mine loves Star Wars, Kpop, and gaming but after years of attempts at calling in she decided that she’d only interact with woc in those spaces. Again, you get tired.

ATLA wasn’t on my radar until last year so I definitely haven’t read every zutara fic out there but I have noticed a lot of fics do tend to have Katara being the one comforting and supporting Zuko. It’s not inherently wrong of course, it’s just in the grand scheme of things in fiction woc are often cast as eternal caretakers and confidants in fiction:

“How characters of color are portrayed in fanworks, especially fanfiction, is worse than the actual films. They are portrayed as supportive, almost invisible understudies. Any characteristics which they possess in the [MCU] films are stripped and given to other white characters. It is not only erasure. It’s a theft of identity.

Characters of color are positioned within storylines to support the main, white characters. Even within the slash biracial pairings, the character of color is underdeveloped and in a position of servitude within the relationship.”

TheNavyLanguage, Fansplaining

As the quote above points out this honestly happens in a lot of fandoms. I’ve read fanfic for books, movies, tv shows, and comics and I can’t help but notice that in fics the writers often have the non-white character or-- if neither character is white--the darker skinned character being the care-taker, the bodyguard, or the person who is performing all the emotional labor. It’s not inherently wrong to have a character of color have a nurturing personality, you just have to remember that since Black and brown folks have been saddled with narrative after narrative where we exist to serve leaning into dynamics where the non-white or darker skinned character is providing all the emotional support and getting very little in return has some unfortunate implications.

It’s not better if instead of being defined as the avatar’s girl, Katara’s the fire lord’s girl. Part of the appeal of zutara for me is the idea that Katara could lay down some of her burdens and get some much needed support. I always imagine she’d have some major issues after the war.

"i always just felt like he needed it more bc he was abused and kataras better at dealing with feelings and she's good at taking care of people."

I’m going to push back against that statement. Yes, Katara didn't grow up in an abusive household but she has pain and trauma of her own. In fact I’d argue that her believing it’s her job to take care of everyone is rooted in her trauma. Katara needs support and care just as much as anyone else does.

Having read a lot of fics revolving around abuse victims in different fandoms I’ve observed that if fans feel a character’s trauma wasn’t properly addressed in canon, they’ll give them a lot of TLC in fics. But again, reducing the non-white or darker-skinned character to a glorified therapist has some implications.

I feel like the Fire Lady Katara headcanon's been talked to death so long-story short, it’s not inherently racist but it can problematic if it's not clear that Katara is Katara of the Water Tribe wherever she lives. Fics and art where her crown has a crescent moon, she wears blue, or Zuko wears blue when she's in red are the executions I'm fondest of.

When in doubt just listen when poc talk about uncomfortable trends in the fandom. Give fansplaining’s episodes on fandom racism a listen here, here, and here. And very loosely quoting my favorite professor just remember that if a marginalized person says they’re distrustful of a group of people or institution it usually happens after a lot of bad experiences. Don’t center your own comfort and hurt feelings.

“If we truly believe in fandom’s progressive credentials, then perhaps it is necessary for us to listen to critiques that make us uncomfortable rather than those that keep arguing that the status quo is perfectly acceptable—even as there is plenty of evidence to the contrary. Perhaps then we will be able to come at these, yes, these very complex and nuanced discussions with the type of openness and good faith that is required for them to succeed, rather than approaching them with hostility.”

-Rukmini Pande, Fansplaining

[spaceboyfrnk]

please explain more I'm a fan but i have never seen them as racist

this is going to be extremely long bc I have other messages in my inbox from other people asking me this so I want to put everything in one post:

TW: racism, anti black racism

first off let's start with Tyler's old tweets from 2015, they're racist point blank:

twenty one pilots have always shown microaggressions/racist behavior towards black people throughout their career through passive aggressive statements and lyrics. they've always tried to distance themselves from rap and hip hop music to label their music despite the fact that they heavily draw inspiration from those genres and use it in their music. for example, in their song "heavydirtysoul":

"This is not rap, this is not hip-hop

Just another attempt to make the voices stop"

they constantly turn away from labeling their music as rap or hip hop as though those genres are bad, they label their music as being better and beyond what they think the standard of rap/hip hop genre is bc they write about mental health, even though there are plenty of rap and hip hop artists that write about mental health as well. in fact they go so far as to downplay the genre as the whole. again in this same song they refer to rap music as "heartless":

why is it that when black artists make rap music it's deemed "heartless" by tyler joseph, it's not meaningful, it's trash, but when he does it, it's not? here during the making of "holding onto you" tyler says this, implying that rappers aren't "classy" and the implication is clear here:

they perpetuate the stereotype that all rap music is "trashy" and it's just about "sex and drugs and gang violence", but when a white artist does suddenly rap music is cool. this can be seen in their song "lane boy".

twenty one pilots constantly say that their music is beyond the rap and hip hop genre and that they are above it and superior to black artists. in this song they reference Beyoncé's song "flawless" and call it heartless:

"All these songs I'm hearing are so heartless

Don't trust a perfect person and don't trust a song that's flawless"

In heavydirtysoul they reference drake's "you only live once" and call his lyrics "mindless":

"Nah, I didn't understand a thing you said

If I didn't know better, I'd guess you're all already dead

Mindless zombies walking around with a limp and a hunch

Saying stuff like "You only live once"

and in "holding onto you" they sample "lean wit it rock wit it" and call it "thoughtless":

"Lean with it, rock with it,

When we gonna stop with it,

Lyrics that mean nothing,

We were gifted with thought,

Is it time to move our feet

To an introspective beat"

it's not a coincidence that every time twenty one pilots takes a dig at another artist it just happens to be a person of color.

there's also this infamous lyric from "lane boy":

"I wasn't raised in the hood,

But I know a thing or two about pain and darkness

If it wasn't for this music, I don't know how I would've fought this"

and it's clear what they mean when they reference "the hood", even if they don't outright say it the implication is there especially when in context with the rest of the song, they knew what they were doing. the lyric itself also comes off as tone deaf given the fact that both tyler and josh grew up well off and privileged in the suburbs of ohio.

there's also that god awful song "taco bell saga":

I don't think I need to explain this one.

there was also the time josh used the snapchat face swap filter to put a black man's face over his which can be seen a blackface. he deleted but never apologized for it:

tyler and josh have also made it clear what their stance is on the black lives matter movement. last year when fans noticed neither had spoken up about the blm movement or george Floyd, they urged them to use their platform in support and to spread awareness and this was their response:

again I feel like I have to reiterate this; this was tyler joseph's response to his fans asking him to support black people  and the black lives matter movement in the wake of a man's death, a man that was murdered by a white man, and THIS was Tyler's response, to make a joke of the whole matter. of course tyler recieved backlash for this which led him to delete the tweet and defend himself: he only apologized and showed support for the black lives matter movement after he was receiving backlash and losing followers and tried to use his mental health to deflect from the situation. but of course he wasn't completely sorry for his tweet:

I haven't kept up with 21p since 2015 so it's possible that I may have missed some things, but yeah they have been racist towards black people and they have never been subtle about it.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

HEY BESTIE ITS ME AGAIN! i was wondering if i could get a will request with angst. LOTS AND LOTS of angst about will and the reader seeming to always miss each other in sense of relationships and because of that the reader distanced themself from will so months pass by and they both are single then and they run into each other and eventually get into a fight bc he’s upset that they ghosted him and eventually have an angry love confession and happy ending?

thank u sm bff

YOU WANT ANGST, I"LL GIVE YOU ANGST...in a fairly decent amount cause this was hard to write for some reason🙃 sorryyyy @poulterfilms

~~~~~~~~~~

Why did life have to be so hard?

You watched as Will got ready for his date that night, giddy and excited to be going out, rambling on and on about how nice this person was, who he met a few days prior.

You just smiled and nodded along, pretending that your heart wasn't painfully throbbing with jealousy.

You hated this feeling, longing. It was strange, you never felt this way before with Will. You've been friends with him as long as you can remember, seen him have plenty of dates with other people. So why did you suddenly feel like you wanted him all to yourself? It wasn't like you at all.

"So, what do you think?" Will asked, snapping you out of your thoughts, slowly spinning around to show off his outfit.

You plastered on that same fake smile that you unfortunately got into the habit of doing nowadays. "You look great, Will. You always do." You didn't mean to sound so sad, but it came out that way and you internally cringed.

Will cocked his head with a confused grin. "You okay?"

You nodded your head eagerly. "Of course!" You stood up from where you sat and quickly adjusted the collar of Will's shirt, struggling to pull away when he smiled at you. "I always have to fix that damn shirt collar." You chuckled weakly, forcing yourself to take a couple steps back.

Will copied your chuckle, turning around to do a once over in his mirror. "What would I do without you?" He joked, but you frowned for a split second before shaking your head.

"Well, don't wanna keep the lucky date waiting, right?" You patted him on the shoulder, maybe a little too hard since Will rubbed his shoulder with a grimace afterwards.

"You are absolutely right. I'll be off then, night, love!" Will placed a quick kiss to your cheek, heading out of his house, leaving you alone with the ghost of the kiss lingering on your cheek. The innocent, and most importantly, friendly kiss.

You looked around the living room solemnly, looking to your feet to see the two pups you were trusted to take care of while the owner was out of his date. Welp, at least I have his dogs to share my misery with...

You had no idea how you let this happen. You've always seen Will as a friend, and nothing more. You've both hyped each other up when one of you scored a date. Will has seen you off to plenty of dates and never had a problem with it, so why couldn't you do the same for him?

Unbeknownst to you, Will actually has had similar feelings. He didn't know how it happened, but he developed strong feelings for you. He clearly knew you didn't feel the same, and he had to sit idly by as he watched you be in and out of relationships with people who weren't him.

He's never been one to get jealous, but he'd definitely be lying if he said he never was jealous of your partners. He wanted to be the one to hold your hand, he wanted to be the one to open doors for you, to be the one you smiled at when he wasn't looking. He decided to move on, even if it was the last thing he wanted. But his respect for you trumped his lust that he felt at the same time, he just wished he could turn his feelings off.

You decided to hole up in your apartment after Will came back from his date, the date that went "extremely well." The "he'd definitely be seeing this person again" date.

You couldn't say you were devastated, for obvious reasons. You didn't want to tell Will you had feelings for him, and you didn't want to be selfish. You always felt selfish nowadays.

You just felt like a burden.

It was hard hanging out with Will, always having to hear about his new partner, how they're so nice and kind and caring and apparently so fuckin' amazing...it made you want to vomit. It made you not want to hang out with him as much anymore, but thankfully, that decision was made for you. Will didn't have time for you anymore, he really wanted to make his relationship with this new person work, more than he wanted to keep your friendship strong, you thought.

Eventually, you just stopped trying to initiate conversations. Will would text you, all the time really, he'd just be too busy to see you. Between acting roles and sending time with his partner, you'd only be with him through text messages.

An epiphany struck you one day: you deserved better.

You knew you were right, and that's why it made your choice to painful. You had to cut ties with Will, but you had no idea how you'd do that without breaking down.

You took the coward's way out, at least, you thought it was cowardly.

You simply just stopped replying to his text messages. But once he started to text you messages like "can we talk?" you thought you might give him a chance. You said you'd do it tomorrow, then tomorrow turned into the next day, then a week passes, then a month. You stopped thinking about it, you didn't want to think about it, because every time you did, the urge to contact Will got stronger and stronger. You wanted to move on. You needed to move on. But, you never could get him out of your thoughts completely.

Months and months go by, and before you know it, it's Christmastime.

You'd decided to travel around after cutting off contact with Will, mostly just couch hopping with friends, exploring the area to get your mind off how heart broken you felt. It was a good distraction, for awhile. But now that Christmas was soon, you had to go back to your home town; you did miss your family quite a lot. But you did feel that similar anxiousness after coming back home, thinking about Will and the "what ifs." Will always loved spending time with his family during the holidays, and you knew he'd probably be in town.

Just going outside to check the mail was nerve wracking to you, but you chuckled bitterly at your paranoia, it's not like he was going to show up at your house out of the blue. He wouldn't do that.

Your family really wanted a Christmas tree, a real one. You tried to use your allergies as an excuse to just stick with an artificial tree, but your parents were dead set on having a real tree. It wasn't exactly a lie, you used to get real trees, you just couldn't be around one too closely or else you get into a sneezing fit. But you really just didn't want to be out in the town, just in case.

But your family dragged you along to help pick out a tree anyway, in the freezing cold.

You idly kicked some icicles that were formed on the bottom of tree branches, smiling subtly to yourself as you heard the crackle of the ice hitting the concrete. You looked over to see your family still trying to decide on what kind of tree they wanted, and you remembered how indecisive your folks were. You were gonna be there for awhile...

"Y/n?" As if you weren't freezing enough, the voice that you heard from beside you made a chill go up your spine, causing you to sink down more into your coat.

You looked to your left, unluckily for you, seeing your former best friend beside you, an unreadable expression on his face. "Will...? Uh, w-what are you doing here?" You weren't sure if it was the cold that made you stutter, or just the pure nervousness and almost fear that you felt.

Will uncomfortably shifted on his feet, taking a deep breath before answering. "My, uh, mum wanted to have a tree this year. I'm guessing yours did too?"

You nodded curtly. "Yep."

The awkward silence made you want to curl up into a ball and throw yourself off a cliff.

"We should probably talk." Will said.

"Uh," You nervously rubbed your hands together, "I don't think that's a good idea..."

"Why not?" He asked bluntly, his expression turning cold.

You sighed. "I...well, I have to help my parents get this tree so..."

"Fine. I'll come by later."

"Wait-"

"See you tonight." And with that, Will walked away in a hurry, not giving you the chance to refuse.

You bit the inside of your lip hard, a coppery taste coating the tip of your tongue when you explored the small dent in your mouth that you created from stress.

You figured this day would come soon enough. Karma's a bitch, as some say. You thought you'd have a bit more time to prepare yourself for a confrontation, but the universe decided to be a jerk and sucker punch you in the face with your regrets.

You went home, feeling like a knife was twisting in your gut as you helped your family set up your Christmas tree in the living room, constantly glancing at the clock every chance you could.

Eventually, your family decided to leave the house once more, having bought tickets to a play that night, which you politely declined to go to. You weren't interested in yet another retelling of the Christmas story acted out by little bratty children who couldn't remember their lines half the time. No, you have somewhat decent standards.

You just sat on the living room couch with your family pet, staring at the clock, seeing the hands move slowly until it finally reached nine o'clock. You untensed for a moment, thinking that maybe Will decided to not come over. The loud ring of the doorbell quickly squashed that idea.

You opened the door, not surprised to see Will on the other side, his cold expression unchanged from when you last saw him.

You said nothing as you moved aside, opening the door wider for Will as he walked in.

The air felt thick, like there wasn't enough oxygen for both of you to be in the same room. It felt similar to whenever you pulled your blankets over your head when you were little and afraid of the dark, thinking that nothing can hurt you if you were completely wrapped up in the comfort of your duvet, but never getting enough fresh air to keep those blankets over your head, eventually having to pull the blankets off to breathe. You really wished you had a blanket now...

"Well?" Will broke the silence, looking to you expectantly.

You shrugged slightly. "Well what?"

Will chuckled bitterly, shaking his head. "You know what, Y/n." When you didn't reply, he continued. "You stop talking to me all of a sudden, for months, not even telling me why. I need to know why, I deserve an explanation."

You sighed, looking anywhere but at him. "I just...needed some time away..." What a fucking lie...

"Some time away, really? That's your excuse? We were best friends, everything was fine, so what went wrong, huh? Why did you just up and leave everything behind without telling me?" You closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself as his voice got louder with every sentence. "Are you even listening to me? Do you hate me now, is that it? I don't know what I did, please, tell me." He pleaded.

"Will..." You whispered, finally looking to him to see unshed tears in his eyes. "it was me, not you. You didn't do anything wrong..."

Will stepped closer to you, his arms crossed. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to be ghosted by the one person you thought cared about you the most? It really fucking hurt. And now, you're just standing here like you don't even care."

"I do care, Will." You said softly, reaching out to touch him but he quickly flinched away.

"Then why did you leave? I want the truth."

"I wasn't happy...with myself...with you." You started, walking over to take a seat on your couch. "I felt alone. You spent all your time with your partner, you rarely had time for me anymore."

"Wait, my partner?"

"Yeah...the beginning of this year, you started dating that person, I forgot their name..."

Will shook his head. "It didn't work out with them, I'm not seeing anyone, haven't for awhile. But that's not the point. Why didn't you just tell me that you felt alone? You know I would've made time for you if that's what you needed."

You felt like you wanted to scream, frustration starting to consume you, but you settled for a muffled groan. "It wasn't just because I felt alone..."

"Then what?"

Fuck it...

"Because I hated seeing you date other people. I absolutely hated it. And when you started gushing about how amazing this person was, I felt like I wanted to bash my head in with a hammer." Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but you got your point across.

"You didn't want me to date other people?" Will's heart beat rapidly in his chest, just the thought of why you possibly felt that was making him anxious to ask, "Why?"

You were scared to answer, afraid of his reaction. What if he hated you? That would be the worst case scenario, you'd rather die than have him hate you. But, you did owe it to Will to tell him the truth. The unfiltered, honest truth.

"We've been friends for as long as I can remember. We always told each other everything." You smiled weakly. "We'd always be happy for each other whenever we went on dates and found people that made us happy. But...there was a point where I realized that no matter how many dates I went on with other people, I never truly found happiness in those people. Because, I always thought about someone else...you." You looked up at Will. "You've always been the one person to make me truly happy. And I finally figured it out, it's not because you were my best friend, it's because...you're the one I always wanted to be with, Will."

Will took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to take in your words. "That night, when I was about to go on that date, you weren't yourself. You looked sad..."

"I didn't want you to go. I wanted you to stay with me." You wiped away a few fallen tears with your sleeve, sighing tearfully. "I was being selfish...really selfish." You frowned.

Will carefully sat beside you, looking straight ahead. The red and green lights placed crookedly on the Douglas fir being one of the only light sources in the room, illuminating your tear ridden face and causing a reflective shine to Will's glassy sorrowful eyes.

"I had no idea." Will said, being the first one to break the silence yet again.

"That was kind of the point." You sniffled, curling your knees up to your chest.

"...I'm sorry."

You furrowed your brows, looking to Will in confusion. "Why are you sorry? I'm the only one who should be sorry."

Will shook his head. "No..." He laughed sharply, clenching his fists in his lap. "It's funny."

"What is?" You asked, trying not to sound offended.

"I've spend years trying to get over my feelings for you, and you tried to do the same. Guess I'm not as intuitive as I thought."

You silently gasped. "Will? You...? Huh?"

Will smiled weakly. "I only started dating other people because I was trying to push away my feelings for you, and of course, it didn't work."

"Will, if this is some joke-"

"It's not. Have I ever lied to you?"

"...no. You've had feelings for me this entire time? And I punished you for it..." You said as you felt the tears well up in your eyes again.

"No, Y/n, no. You had no way of knowing, just like I had no way of knowing how you felt about me."

"I'm so sorry, Will. I never should've left."

Will quickly grabbed a hold of your hand, bringing it up to his lips to place a gentle kiss on your knuckles. "You're here now. It's okay...we're okay."

"Can you ever forgive me?"

Will smiled softly. "Of course. I've never been able to stay mad at you for long."

You frowned. "What if I deserve it?"

"No. No, you don't. It's all going to be okay."

You took a deep breath, trying not to burst into tears again as Will pulled you close, wrapping his arms around you in a tight embrace. "What now?"

"Maybe it's too early to ask but...we could go on a date." Will chuckled weakly.

You looked back up at Will, trying to hide your growing smile. "Really?"

"If that's what you want."

You looked at the clock. "It's getting a little late, I don't think that many places would be open right now. We could go out tomorrow?"

"It's a date." Will smiled.

You sighed. "I really wish I would've talked to you about this instead of running away..."

Will shook his head, bringing his hand up to gently caress your cheek. "I shouldn't have raised my voice earlier. So now we both have something we regret. But it's okay, Y/n. I felt like running away quite a few times myself whenever you went out with someone else...or just hiring a hitman or something."

You laughed genuinely, playfully pushing Will's shoulder. "I think my family is gonna be home soon."

"That's my cue to leave, I take it?"

You pouted. "I don't want you to."

"Well, hey, we'll see each other tomorrow." He smiled.

You walked Will to your front door, frowning as he opened it. "I never used to be the clingy type with anyone."

Will turned around to face you, wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you in for a warm hug. "It's all going to be okay. We're gonna do this thing right."

You pulled away with a huff, looking deeply into his eyes. "I really want to kiss you right now." You giggled.

Will grinned, replying to your statement by leaning in, delicately brushing his lips over yours before fully placing them onto yours passionately. You could truthfully say that the kiss made you weak in the knees, it was everything you imagined it to be and more. It was intoxicating.

The kiss quickly got heated, and you didn't know if you'd be able to stop yourself. Will grabbed at your sides, trying to pull you even closer than you were already, eliciting a quiet moan from you when he gently pulled on the roots of your hair. But you finally forced yourself to stop, trying to catch your breath.

"Sorry." Will quickly apologized.

"I didn't want to stop." You snickered, running your hands through your now tangled hair. "We haven't even gone on our first date yet and I already want to rip your clothes off."

Will blushed and grinned. "Guess we'll just have to save it for tomorrow then."

"Tomorrow it is."

~~~~~~~~~

I had trouble writing this, if you couldn't already tell. Ugh, I have no idea why the reunion bit threw me off balance so badly

[atlabeth]

fever - sokka x reader

this has been sitting in my drafts half finished for 3 weeks so i thot it was prime time i actually finished it

this is kinda based off the song w dua lipa and angele so you can listen to that if you want

summary: sokka's convinced there's a mystery illness keeping you from focusing, but somehow he's completely oblivious that the only 'sick' you are is lovesick, and he's the reason you can't focus.

a/n: i have never written a sickfic. but this is like. a fake sick fic. its an idiots in love fic. i mean this is coming from mr "is he taller than me? is he better looking?" himself so. it makes sense. as usual, this is not proofread bc im a lazy mf

also im sorry for being vague with the calc but i was NOT about to do math during summer who do you think i am? ??

wc: 1.7k

warning(s): mentions of being sick and 🤢calculus 🤮 but otherwise tooth rotting fluff

-

How could the smartest man you knew be so, so incredibly stupid?

You thought that you were being obvious, so obviously that you were sure he knew. It was embarrassing how obvious you were.

You had met Sokka in your calculus class at the start of the new semester after you ended up sitting next to each other, and it wasn’t a stretch to say that you were immediately smitten. With eyes like the ocean and a face that had to have been crafted by the gods, you were almost too distracted to respond when he asked you for a pencil. But when he winked at you after giving his thanks, it only solidified what you had already suspected: you had known this man for all of five minutes, and you already had a crush on him.

Little did you know, it was going to turn into the most infuriating crush you had ever experienced.

You and Sokka became fast friends even though calculus was the only class you had together. Unfortunately, it was also something that you completely sucked at. Bad news, it was required for your major. Good news, Sokka was some sort of genius and offered to tutor you — Wednesdays in the library turned into a weekly occasion, and served as an opening for your calculus skills, your feelings for Sokka, and your exasperation to all grow stronger.

You normally weren’t someone to beat around the bush. If you started to like someone, you told them and dealt with whatever happened after, but something about Sokka just kept you from spilling your feelings outright. You knew that if he didn’t feel the same way, your relationship likely wouldn’t change, but there was still that tiny voice that said it’s better to stay like this in case things do go wrong — and this was the first time you listened to that voice. You simply valued your friendship too much.

But that didn’t mean you were going to be completely quiet about it — you hoped that if you did enough, he would be able to realize you liked him and do the whole process for you. A bit of a dim hope, but crushes make people do stupid things.

Things like bringing an extra coffee to every session, laughing at all his jokes (even the bad ones), sitting a little closer to him than usual, not dropping out of this wretched class so you could spend time together (it might’ve been required, but you still counted it). He didn’t make a point to object to anything, so you knew you weren’t making him uncomfortable — but you had concluded after nearly a whole semester of working and studying together that he was the most oblivious person in all of Ba Sing Se. He could teach you all kinds of formulas, but had no idea that you liked him. Grand.

Today was arguably the most important session out of any of them, seeing as your next class was the final, so it was only fitting that Sokka unknowingly made himself more interesting than any material you could’ve been working with. His arms were going to be the death of both you and your calc grade. You swore that the heat rushing to your cheeks was actually emanating off of you.

“Hey, Y/N!” Sokka grinned as he saw you and raised a hand in greeting, a sentiment you would’ve returned had it not been for the coffee cups in your hands. You settled for mirroring his grin and settled down in the seat across from him. You slid his coffee cup over, set your own down, then shrugged your bag off all before taking a seat.

“You ready to study ‘till your eyes bleed?” he asked, prompting a nervous laugh from you.

“You jest, but my eyes might actually start bleeding depending on how long we go,” you sighed. “There’s a reason I got an extra shot of espresso today.”

“Come on — by now you should know that you have nothing to worry about! I am the best teacher there is, and you got me all to yourself.”

Your eyes widened momentarily and you coughed, purposefully averting your gaze to give yourself some time to recover. Okay, he was going to make it really hard to focus today. “Let’s just get into it.”

He nodded and flipped open his notebook, beginning to talk as he rifled through his bag for a few extra things. “Okay, we’re just gonna start with going over the basics, then we’ll work our way up. There’s a couple practice problems on that page, so you can go ahead and answer those as a warmup.

You slid the notebook over in front of you and after approximately five seconds of looking at the first problem, found yourself studying Sokka rather than the material. Who could blame you? In the battle of cute tutor boy versus calculus, he was going to win every time.

He turned around and you immediately averted your eyes once again, trying to appear extremely involved, but you found that your mind was empty on anything to do with math. “Hey, uh— how do you do this first one? I’m totally blanking here.”

“We use limits in everything — this is actually something you’re really good at!” He studied you intensely and frowned. “Are you okay? Like, you’re not sick or anything, are you? You seem kinda out of it.”

You choked out a laugh and shook your head. “No, no — I’m fine. I guess I’m just a little tired.” As if to demonstrate your lie, you took a sip from your coffee and cringed internally. Love had turned you into an idiot.

He seemed to buy it as he nodded and picked up the pencil, scribbling a couple of notes as he explained the first problem to you. “Does that make sense?” You nodded and he handed the pencil back to you. “Okay — the other ones follow the same kind of process. It should be easy enough.”

You managed to get a little further in the second problem, but your lovestruck mind would not stop focusing back on Sokka every time you tried to do, well, anything. Curse him and his perfect arms, and eyes, and hairstyle, and everything.

You shook your head and set the pencil down once more, letting loose a frustrated sigh. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” Yes, you did. “I just can’t focus at all.” Because of you. You picked up your cup once more and took a sip, hoping it would do something to get you back into the math state of mind.

Sokka frowned once more as he put the back of his hand against your forehead. “God, you’re hot.” You nearly choked on your coffee as your eyes practically bulged out of their sockets — he had to know what he was doing by now — how could he not? “Like, you’re completely burning up. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine, I swear— I just…” you set your cup down on the table and heaved a sigh that was a touch more exasperated than necessary. “Are you telling me you seriously haven’t noticed? Like, not a single thing this whole year?”

“I’ve noticed a lot of things this year,” he chuckled. “It’s kind of our whole job, so you’re gonna have to be a lot more specific.”

You finally couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Sokka, I’m not— I’m not sick! Haven’t you noticed that I’m only ever flustered, or running into things, or forgetting info, or— or just a complete idiot when I’m around you? I like you, like, a lot, and I have for an embarrassingly long time! The reason I can’t focus is because I am hopelessly attracted to you in every single way.”

His brows creased for a moment and you clamped your mouth shut, worried that you had just ruined everything. It was only after a pause that felt like a century that he finally responded, the hint of a smirk on his lips.

“Well, why didn’t you just say something?”

You stared at him, eyes wide and lips slightly parted in pure surprise before the annoyance set in. You set your jaw as your brows furrowed and you hit him lightly on the side of his arm with the back of your palm. “You can’t be serious! You— you’ve gotta be messing with me by now. I really can’t believe that you can be that smart but this oblivious!”

He finally let the grin play across his lips in full force and he shrugged nonchalantly. “I mean, I don’t know how you don’t expect me to mess with you when you scrunch up your face all cute like that every time you get mad. Besides, I started liking you after that fifth class; I offered to help you out so I could spend more time with you! I didn’t realize you felt the same way. I kinda just enjoyed the free coffee and getting to look at you all the time.”

“I can’t believe you!” you cried as you hit his other arm. “You’re telling me that I had to deal with this- this mental turmoil about whether you liked me back, while you were just enjoying the free eye candy and coffee the whole time?”

“You have nothing to worry about! I enjoyed the company far more than the coffee,” he joked, a certain twinkle in his eye. “But, you are probably out a couple twenties after all of that. So, what do you say about this Saturday, the cafe by the shoe store? My treat.”

“Damn right it’s your treat,” you shot back, though you couldn’t stop the smile forming on your face. “You owe me a lot — you have to make up for those coffees and all the emotional distress you caused.”

“Oh, I think I’ll have plenty of time to make up for lost time. After all, we do have a lot of coffee dates to get through.” And when he winked at you just like that first day, you remembered just how impossible it was to be angry at Sokka. “But first, we kinda have to get through this study date. The final’s still happening tomorrow.”

You responded with a raised brow. “This is a study date?”

Sokka shrugged and grinned. “They’ve all been study dates. You just didn’t know it.”

-

idiots in love idiots in love idiots In LOVe

perm tag list: @dv0412 @siriuslyslyslytherin @maruchan77

atla: @marianne1806